#for this degree you have WATCHED me fight tooth and nail for 3 years | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

galaxyshine24-7 · 3 years

Text

Things I didn't like about Stranger Things Season 3

Now don't get me wrong I love Stranger Things. Its been such a fun ride and inspired me with its 80's feel and DnD vibe. I adored it and still do, I'm so excited for season 4 and can't wait to see the gang again. However when season 3 came out and I watched it certain things didn't sit well with me. So I guess I'm just getting them off my chest. Now reminder these are my opinions if you think something different that is completely fine. I'm just venting at this point and might view things differently from others. So read on if you want.

Spoilers Ahead

Relationships

My biggest struggle watching this season was how they handled relationships. Either how they where handled, or how they weren't handled, or things I see people overlook when it comes to them that should be addressed. So I shall go down the line on what I didn't like and analyze them.

Nancy and Johnathan

Over the seasons I have fallen in love with Nancy's character. I like how the show played into stereotypical 80's tropes. Nancy was the mean older sister, but soon turned into a badass sharp shooter. In this season her character wavered for me a bit. I still love her don't get me wrong, but I was upset a bit how she handled her and Johnathan's situation at the job.

I felt like neither Nancy or Johnathan really talked about how the other made them feel or really get that they understood anyone's plight with the dialogue we where given.

With Nancy is wanting to get on the case and find out what is happening. She wanted to shut up those rude assholes in her office and I applaud her for that. However during that time I don't think she was truly listening to Johnathan's concerns. Now say what you want about Johnathan, I do feel like at the end of the day that he loves and cares for Nancy and will back her up when he can, but in this case we the audience see him become frustrated when he gets fired from a job he really needs to support his family. Now mind you Johnathan had a bad time at the job too, but him being made fun of is something he has grown a thick skin too has seen in previous seasons. He explains to Nancy that his family doesn't come from much money. Honestly him and Will have the lowest income in the friend group compared to the other kids and to me watching them struggle through the seasons compared to the other kids homes. With Nancy she was going off to college and wouldn't need this job for long with how accomplished she is between the high schoolers we know she is probably the only one with plans on going to college. I was a bit upset she didn't consider Johnathan's emotions and situation beforehand discovering what was going one with the rats.

Now Johnathan isn't innocent either he should have been more compassionate with her problems since this was something she wasn't used too getting in a work place. He should have talked to her more and communicated, heck maybe try to find a different job together. With Nancy she admits to her mom how she was unfair to Johnathan. When she then meets him again they didn't have that dialogue with each other at all, instead a few quick lines that left me in a weird place. It felt unfinished and I was not convinced either really talked through it. It felt unfinished and left a weird taste in my mouth in regards with the two. All and all I just wish it was handled better, but I can say that about most things on this list.

Max and Eleven

Now when these two started hanging out I was excited I think their cute and I'm glade El got a friend who is a girl. Its fun to see them talk to each other and bond going on adventures, however I started to raise a brow at Max's behavior and advice. Now side note I know they are children and they are not going to be right about things like relationships all the time. I get that I really do, however I'm still pissed she gave El terrible advice, and I don't think she was fully held accountable for her and El spying on people which is not okay powers or not. I'm glade they started to find about about Billy, but they weren't looking for that and stumbled upon it from spying on others. Its just something they shouldn't do in general to be honest.

Max supports and cares about El I just believe she wasn't the greatest of friends in terms of relationship advice and how she acted towards Mike and the others. Max was projecting her experience with relationships onto El's and Mike's and it did not end well at all. It was up to El at the end of the day to make her own decisions and speak to Mike to fully understand the situation and talk to each other. I understand why people praise and love the relationship, but also don't see its faults or the problems it had. When I found out Max and Lucas break up every other week I was like "are you serious, and you went around giving El advice, and didn't see anything wrong with that?!" I don't think Max ever talked to El about it or El talk to Max more about it, and then there's the whole thing with Mike that I can talk about later.

I just feel like Max wasn't solely positive in her and El's relationship, and I wished El tried to find answers on her own instead of listening to everyone.

(P.S. When Max showed El Wonder Women which is nice. Max makes a comment when El points out Wonder Women and she said. "This is why you can't hang out with Mike all the time." I first I was like okay, showing El a female superhero is cool. However I got to thinking Wonder Women and El don't have much in common besides being women. Mike gave her Grand Master Yoda and he has more in common with El then Wonder Women does. In terms of powers and such Yoda fits more with El, and El is the wisest and level headed out of most of the kids in my opinion. I'm upset at the writers when they seem to forgot Mike gave her a hero more like her in what she can do and who she is. They should've chose someone like Jean Grey who uses her mind and is a red head like Max, it would've made more sense. She appeared in 1963 so Jean would have fit. Also maybe Mike showed her Yoda and thought more about what he does and says that reminds him of El then thinking about what gender she was. Just a thought I guess.)

The Friends Group

Now with age I understand relationships change and mature esxpecliy through friends. This is shown with Lucas and Mike wanting to hang out girlfriends and Dustin having his own thing with Steve. I can see why the writers did this to have different storylines going on but it was weird. You would think after all they been through, they wouldn't get has distanced as they did. It didn't feel like the group was whole and then at the end of the day Will moves. Mike and Lucas where distracted by their own relationships which I can understand, but the whole argument with Mike and Will was strange. You have these kids who fought tooth and nail to get Will back and they can barely give him the time of day?! I get you have girlfriends and such, but come on. It seemed out of character for this group after so much they went through together and to get Will back. The argument with Will and Mike was heartfelt and you could feel Will's plight and Mike's, I guess I was just upset out how distant it was, and how the kids just brushed each other off for their own drama when we've seen many times that they don't do that to this degree.

Characters

There where many characters I either had problems with how they where written or felt like there could've been more.

Mike

Mike's character I feel like was shit on a lot in this season from characters and some of the fanbase. Now I will say upfront that I like Mike, heck I like most of the characters in this show. They got faults and positives that I can see and understand. This season with Mike I feel like his character didn't get the understanding from the other seasons. He's either the bad guy, or the grumpy kid who brushes off all his friends for El. Mike is shown growing his relationship with El and trying his best to be a good boyfriend and protect her. It upsets me when people don't look at the all aspects of a character and see their flaws and good traits. With Mike we have seen this kid put his fucking life on the line for his friends and become distraught when he loses El someone he loves dearly. Its understandable why he is a grumpy mess during the last season, he sat and tried to reach out to El for 353 days when she left. He lost her for a whole year and never stopped trying to see if she was out there, just like for Will he never gave up.

It doesn't surprise me that Mike wanted to do all he can to protect El no matter what so he doesn't loose her again. However when Max starts accusing him of wanting to control her, basically saying he is trying to treat El like property it made my blood boil. We has the audience saw him fight for El and protect El, and never stop looking for El. Then getting this whole "women are a different species," narrative between him and Lucas. How the writers went about that was weird to me seemed a bit forced. For two guys we know fought along along side El and saw her has equal and feel for her, too oh women are a different species we can't understand them at all didn't make the much sense by how hard they where pushing it.

It kind of sucks to hear people hate Mike. Like if you do that's fine, its all good. I just feel like his character doesn't get a fair review at times. Will gets brought up a lot from what I seen. I agree that Mike was being insensitive and like I said before doesn't make sense to brush off Will like that after all they went through. People like to talk about the whole "Its not my fault you don't like girls." Side note I don't believe Will is gay. If you do go for it, I just see the situation a bit different. Will just came out of a very traumatic event and just wants to go back to normal just like the old times with his friends and the hurt he experiences with them all moving on and being not what he remembered. They where not what they used to be. With Mike he is growing up and moving on and in a fit of anger he tells Will its not his fault he doesn't like the relationships him and the others are forming. Like he saying its not his fault Will isn't growing up, and moving on. insensitive yes, but I can understand where both are coming from and dealing with different problems.

Mike isn't a prefect character, and he makes mistakes. I just felt like towards the beginning of the season till some of the end he wasn't treated the best writing wise.

Max

When I first met Max she was such a fun character I love them bringing her into the group. She is fiery and compassionate and I think she brings something new to the group of kids. I think she still does. In the third season I just had a lot of problems with her and her attitudes.

I have already explained her part in El and her relationship. I guess her attitudes towards Mike and Lucas I was upset about.

Lucas and Max didn't get lots of screen time to showcase there relationship more, but by the whole they break up every week detail and attitudes towards each other I don't think its that solely positive to be honest with the scenes we got.

Her attitudes towards Mike made me pissed off a bit. Yes, Mike should not have lied and Max is right to call it out, but to go to say he is controlling El and these other terrible things. To the audience we know that is not true seeing Mike goes to the ends of the Earth for El and Max knows how deeply her disappearance effected him. Mike stood in front of her and his friends from Max's abusive brother Billy. However in the third season she gets a whiff of him lying its like she has nothing to give him the benefit of the doubt on. When in fact she does. She reduces him to a controlling and lying boyfriend, and yes pushes that idea onto El and it just rubs me in the wrong way. I was very upset with Max and how the writers where treating some moments like something to praise. El dumping Mike was sad and upsetting I didn't find it very funny, but hey that's just me. She had El spy on people esxpecliy the boys and I feel she really doesn't get many consequences for it. However Mike is treated like a monster after getting threatened by Hooper and lying about it. He should not have lied of course, I just don't feel like they got equal treatment for their actions, and yes I know there kids they are stupid at times. I can still call out bad behavior and warning flags.

Billy Hargrove

Billy was wasted potential on the writers part. His character is a very known presence in the last two seasons. When you find out about his past and El reaching out to him, I feel like him sacrificing himself for the group and living could have been such a good example of character growth and getting better, and I feel like his story was cut to short for how much time and effort was put into his character. He was bad yes very bad, but with this latest season you got to see little sparks of his character come out more, his good sides. Billy Hargrove was wasted potential and I really hope they hold the dad accountable for his abuse in the next season, and also the mom. She was a victim yes, but she should not have left her son with to be emotionally and I believe physically damaged by his dad. His death should have consequences that all parties need to hear and see. If they really brush him under the rug I'll be pretty upset.

Alexi

I love his character and I just miss him is all.

That is just some of my thoughts on the third season I hear people say is one of the poorly written seasons of Stranger Things. Has much as I love the things in it. It has some writing issues and characterization where I would have to agree.

Welp those are just some of my thoughts. Love them or hate them its is what it is at the end of the day. I hope whoever is reading this has a nice day. Peace

#stranger things #my thoughts #opinons

3 notes · View notes

sithsecrets · 4 years

Text

Empress ⁂ Part 3

Engaged by her father to Supreme Leader Kylo Ren, a princess navigates the dynamics of her new marriage while discovering her own power as a member of the Order.

—

3.9k words

Mentions: sex, swearing

—

As soon as you wake up, you know immediately that it’s far too early for anyone to be even remotely conscious. And yet, there Kylo Ren stands, fully dressed and fiddling with something on his belt as if it’s a reasonable hour of the day.

“Do you always wake up this early?” You don’t mean for it to come out that way, but for fuck’s sake.

Standing at the foot of the bed, Kylo jumps at the sound of your voice, obviously not expecting you to be awake. “Did I wake you?” he asks, and you think you hear a bit of genuine concern in your husband’s voice.

Sitting up in bed, you shrug, rubbing at your bleary eyes. “No, not really. I was already half awake, and then I heard you move.” Whisking little wisps of hair out of your face, you stretch, shivering as the covers slip down your chest. You can feel Kylo watching you, and he has that same flustered look on his face, the one from last night after you’d gotten out of the bathtub.

“I train in the mornings,” Kylo says quickly, turning away from you to grab something off the dresser he’d been facing before. “It clears my head.”

“Your collar’s crooked,” you announce suddenly, because it is, folded down in the back where Kylo can’t see. The floor is cold on your feet, but you walk over to your husband anyway.

When you reach behind him to fix his shirt, Kylo flinches, almost as if you were reaching up to slap him instead. You hadn’t caught him off-guard, that much you know, and it takes you just one second of looking at the mild panic in Kylo’s eyes to realize that maybe there’s a reason he makes himself so mean and scary in front of other people all the time.

“When was the last time someone touched you without meaning to harm you?” You know it’s a rather personal question, but it’s also an important one.

Kylo pauses for a beat, swallows heavily, and then, “Before you came here?” He says this quietly, like a secret, and that’s enough to give you your answer. But still you nod, waiting.

“I don’t remember.” And then Kylo’s walking off, striding out of the room and away from you as quickly as he can. You sigh as you watch him go.

Your one regret is that his collar is still out of place.

----

You and Kylo don’t speak of your little incident after it happens. Thankfully, though, it doesn’t seem like the whole thing did any damage, because Kylo remains cordial you, even friendly.

The next few days are spent reading about Valdera, studying its leadership, making notes about which customs you should follow— and which ones you should strategically ignore. You’re fitted for a few new dresses, garments in the style of your home planet sewn in the colors of the Order, and you think that they’ll be a nice fit for the negotiations. In those sessions with the tailor, you also have a few new nightgowns made, ones that fit you a little better, ones with some pretty things sewn onto them. You think you look rather striking in them, and you can’t help but hope that your husband thinks so too.

The fact that Kylo has made no moves to consummate the marriage bothers you more than you’d like to admit. You were nervous in the beginning, unsure of how your husband would be with you. You’d been picturing a tyrant with whores, a powerful man who takes a different woman to bed with him every night, and you feared the idea of such a person focusing their sexual desires on you. But Kylo is nothing like that, not even remotely, and you think now that you would be comfortable giving yourself to him.

After more than a week, though, he’s not so much as expressed interest in holding your hand, let alone fucking you, and you’re starting to get concerned he never will. You wish he would just tell you what the problem is if there is one, or just flat out admit that he’s not interested. You could live with that— honestly, you could— and not having to think about sex anymore would take some pressure off of you.

However, you know that Kylo is attracted to you, you can see it in his eyes sometimes. He flushes when you walk around in your nightgown, sneaks glances at you while you brush your hair or put on your moisturizer at night. Deep down, you know it’s just something about him; there’s something in Kylo that makes him afraid of being intimate, and it’s clear every time he pulls away from your touch.

And it’s not even about the sex, really. Even though Kylo Ren is known as a tyrant throughout most of the galaxy, it makes you sad to think that someone beat the desire to be touched out of him at some point in his short life. You know part of his story, know that his parents sent him away to train as a Jedi. Then there was that awful attack on the other trainees, and it doesn’t take a genius to understand that Ben Solo died with those other children that night, too. But something else happened, something that came after the destruction of the Jedi that’s made Kylo Ren the person he is today— and that something is why he flinches like he’s about to be hit whenever you touch him.

----

The arrival of the Valderan ambassadors is fast approaching, and you’ve finally settled on how you’re going to handle them.

Valdera as a planet is mineral-rich and well-developed, with sprawling cities and a large population. From the outside looking in, one could think that the Valderans are an advanced people living in a progressive society with cutting-edge technology and strong leadership. But if, one bothered to look closer, however, they would see that not all is right on the planet.

Most of the grunt work on the planet is done by slaves, people stolen from smaller, weaker planets that share a solar system with Valdera. Valderan culture is patriarchal, which in and of itself is not inherently bad. However, Valderan men tend to take advantage of their power in society, subjugating the women around them in varying degrees. While the country does have a democratically elected leader, women are not allowed to cast their own ballots, and slaves can’t vote at all, regardless of their sex.

And that’s just the planet’s overall culture. The men who are coming to meet with you and Kylo, the ambassadors, they’re real pieces of work. They’re your garden-variety spoiled assholes, born into mineral money and raised in the elite. You know everything about them because of the Order’s connections, know that they both like to hide their money from taxation, know that they don’t put any of their immense wealth into charity.

Last Valderan spring, one of them married a seventeen-year-old girl. He’s in his thirties. You intend to fuck with him most of all.

In short, your goals are to dismantle the more oppressive aspects of the Valderan power structure, emancipate the planet’s slave, and secure the vote for all Valderan citizens, regardless of sex or societal station. You also intend to offer support to the smaller planets that Valdera has been leeching off of for years, and all freed slaves will be given the option to return home with the Order’s help, should they choose to do so. That’s really all you want to give them: a choice.

Naturally, these ambassadors are two men who will probably not take kindly to dealing with a powerful woman such as yourself. So, naturally, you’re going to you’re going to be an unmitigated bitch to them the entire time they’re on the ship. You will not show submission to anyone in their presence, you will not allow them to talk over you, and you certainly will not allow them to behave as if they have any real power. By the time you’re finished with them, they’ll be drowning in humility and falling all over themselves to do anything the Order says.

But to do all of this, to handle the ambassadors the way they need to be handled, you’ll need Kylo’s help. You’ll also need to keep him calm through all of this; you have a feeling that he won’t get along with these men easily, and how could he? These men have been handed all that they have. From what you understand, Kylo’s had to fight tooth and nail for everything he’s ever even had a chance at having.

Now, all that’s left is to brief your husband and work out the minor details where he’s concerned. Or, at least you hope it’ll be simple to iron out the details that still seem a little wrinkled in your mind.

You approach the subject with Kylo over dinner.

“I know what I’m going to do with the Valderans,” you announce, applying a bit of savory spread to a piece of bread with your knife.

Kylo swallows the food in his mouth, looks at you across the table. “Tell me,” he says, listening intently.

“It’s a rather simple plan, really,” you begin, talking around a small bite of bread. “I’m going to treat them like the spoiled children they are.”

Brow arched, Kylo asks, “You’re going to be unkind to them?”

“Oh yes,” you answer, “the entire time. They deserve nothing less, and they won’t cooperate otherwise. They both seem to be arrogant, proud people, and not in the way that’s sometimes beneficial for men in their position. By the time I’m done with them, we’ll be able to do anything we want with that planet.” Looking up from where you’d been cutting into your food, you eye your husband up and down shortly. “If I have you figured right, you’ll hate them.”

You can tell that Kylo’s mulling over everything you’ve said in your mind, can tell that he’s a little confused. “They’re just ambassadors,” he states, “they don’t really control anything. How do you know that the president of Valderan will cooperate with us?”

“The president of Valderan as it stands now is little more than a figurehead. He’s inhibited by all of the greedy men in his parliament, and that’s making it difficult for him to get anything done. In reality, he’s very progressive. He’s been trying to pass a mandate to end slavery on the planet for years, but all of the people who are allowed to vote don’t like the idea of that. However, if we come in and say that the Order has decreed that slavery on the planet come to an end, he doesn’t have to keep trying, and the matter solves itself.”

You go on to tell Kylo about all of your plans and ideas for the planet of Valdera, how you think the enfranchisement of women and the newly freed slaves will boost the planet’s economy, as well as garner support for the Order. Kylo listens with rapt attention as you explain how expanding the voter base will clean up Parliament during the next midterm election, nodding along as you go.

“That’s more or less what I was thinking,” Kylo tells you, “but that bit about offering the freed slaves passage back to their home planets at their discretion is genius.”

It’s so validating to hear him say that, to be praised for your plans. Back home, you’d only been used as a negotiation tool, a go-between for your parents and foreign dignitaries— you were never actually allowed to dictate policy or throw around ideas.

“That way, they feel like they have autonomy over the new path of their lives. Which, they do, of course,” you say, and it’s your finishing thought.

There’s a pause, just you and Kylo looking at each other in silence for a moment, and then he sinks back in his chair. “What do you need from me?”

“To lead the negotiations, obviously,” you answer, “but not in a way that undermines me. It’s very important that these men view me as a person with power.”

“But you are a person with power,” Kylo says, brows knitted together.

“I know, but these aren’t men who are accustomed to taking women seriously. It’s paramount that you treat me as your equal at all times. If it even appears like I’m just there as an accessory, the whole things ruined.”

You set down your silverware, finished with your food now. Swiping a napkin on the corners of your mouth, you pause, thinking of how to phrase this next bit. “But at the same time,” you begin, “you and I have to seem… familiar with one another. It’s important that they think we’re more than just allies, but lovers as well.”

The gears turn in Kylo head, and then everything seems to click. “Oh,” he sighs, flushing a deep shade of red, and you almost want to laugh. It’s always a bit comical to watch the Supreme Leader of the First Order squirm, especially over matters like these.

(Also, a private part of you thinks that Kylo looks quite sweet when he blushes.)

“I understand,” Kylo announces, and you can tell he’s trying to paint on an air of confidence. “Of course. Treat you as my equal and act like we’re… familiar. I can do all of that.” He punctuates his statement with a firm nod, and you lean on the table a little, truly nervous to broach this final aspect of your plan with Kylo.

“Yes,” you say slowly, “but there’s something else.” Kylo nods, cuing you to go on, and you swallow heavily. “Your ability to read minds… how does it work?”

Your husband flinches just the slightest bit. “You want me to read their minds?” he asks quickly, and you shake your head, waving your hand in front of you dismissively.

“No, no” you say slowly, “I… I want you to read mine.”

This only seems to shock Kylo more, causing him to gape at you openly. “For what reason?”

Just a sliver of agitation prods its way into your voice, because really, is he going to act like he doesn’t do this sort of thing every day? “I know you can, Kylo.” His name is strange on your tongue, and you realize not without a little bit of surprise that you’ve never addressed him this way before. “I felt it that first night we went to bed together. I asked you to be gentle with me when I thought we were going to have sex, and I could feel you in my mind.”

He’s blushing again, and the look in his eyes reflects something akin to shame. You reach for his hand on the table, breathe deeply, force yourself to dial it back a notch. “It’s fine. I wanted you to hear me then,” you tell Kylo, and the way he glances down at your hand on his isn’t lost on you. “But I need to know if it’s always that easy.”

A beat, and then, “Only if you make it so. Otherwise, I have to dig my way in, and… and that would be very painful for you.”

Sitting back, you nod and withdraw your hand. “So I just have to let you in. I just have to be open to it.”

“Yes,” Kylo affirms. The hand you’d been touching curls slowly into a fist, and then Kylo puts it in his lap.

“Is it possible for us to communicate that way?”

This is the most important part, the whole reason you brought up the mind reading thing in the first place.

Kylo nods. “If you’re open to me hearing your thoughts, you’re also open to me projecting my own into your mind. You’ll feel it, certainly, but it shouldn’t hurt.”

“Can we try it now?” you ask, quirking an eyebrow. Kylo nods once more, setting his shoulders and sitting up a bit.

Doing the same in your own chair, you suddenly find yourself slightly nervous. You begin thinking of what you could “say,” so to speak, and as you look at Kylo, at the cut of his nose and the waves in his hair, you can only think one thing: You’re handsome.

You know at once that he’s heard you, because your husband turns an almost inhuman shade of red, flushed from his hairline down past his collar. And then you feel it in your mind, like an affectionate touch, like the caress of a lover: You’re beautiful.

And now it’s your turn to blush.

Once again, some sort of tension’s broken between the two of you, just the way that it did the night Kylo told you about your purpose in the Order. But this is a different sort of tension, one that releases something intimate as it dissipates.

“Do you not like it when I touch you?” you ask Kylo softly, voice low.

He swallows thickly, not quite meeting your eye. He’s almost whispering. “I… I like it too much.”

Shaking your head, you chide him gently. “It’s okay to like being touched, Kylo,” you tell him. “Everybody deserves affection.”

Still unable to look you in the eye, your husband looks instead down on his lap. His hands are fidgeting there, you can tell by the twitching of his arms.

“Give me your hand.” The command is a gentle one, but something in your tone implies that you’d rather not ask twice.

Kylo had taken his gloves off to eat beforehand, so his hand is bare when he lays it back on the table. You reach for it, gently clasping his fingers with your own, and you can’t help but notice the way that he tenses up. The skin on his palms is rough, calloused, but you decide you don’t mind. Rubbing your thumb over his knuckles sweetly, gently, you hope that he’ll relax.

The tension doesn’t leave Kylo’s body, but he does make eye contact with you. It’s a start, you think to yourself. And then, just as you begin to smile at your husband, you feel his fingers squeeze yours just the slightest bit.

----

Kylo leaves shortly after he lets you hold his hand, still beet red as he stumbles over a string of words regarding a briefing with the Knights. You let him go, glad to have made some more progress with him.

You spend the rest of the evening in the bathtub as you so often do, thinking about your plans for the Valderans and about what’s just transpired between you and your husband. It’s not lost on you how strange it is, this attraction you have towards one another. You can’t help but marvel at how quickly you’ve developed feelings for this man, feelings that run a bit deeper than just physical attraction, as you’re beginning to realize.

Maybe it’s the marriage and the tone that it set for how you and Kylo began interacting. You came into this prepared to be a wife to a powerful man, and that’s certainly what you are—just not in the way you thought you would be. Maybe that’s what you’re attracted to, the power Kylo’s given you simply by agreeing to be your husband. But it feels less shallow than that, and you definitely see him as more than a rung in the ladder to the top. You know that you don’t care deeply enough for Kylo to call what you feel love, but you feel defensive of him nonetheless. If someone said something negative about him in your presence, you would give them a tongue lashing. If he were to become injured, it would upset you.

And of course, you feel a genuine desire to help him rule; you want people to bend to his will, you want Kylo to have the respect he deserves. He’s so smart, so capable. You know that he wants good things for the galaxy, you can see it in the things he wants to accomplish.

The feelings stirring inside you are strange enough to give you chills, and you can’t help but think back to what Kylo said about the Force choosing you.

You’re dressed for bed when your husband returns, soft skin swathed in one of your new nightgowns, and you greet him with a smile. The smile he gives you in return isn’t a real smile, but it’s a smile by Kylo’s standards— just a quirking of the corners of his mouth. You find it endearing anyway.

As per his usual routine, Kylo goes to take a shower after greeting you, coming to bed in comfortable clothes and with wet hair. He goes about organizing his things for the next day, and you watch, unable to stop yourself from admiring the lines of his body. He must be strong, you think, observing how his shirt stretches taunt over his shoulders, how his biceps fill out the sleeves. You know you should be ashamed of yourself from ogling him so openly, but you can’t bring yourself to care as you imagine what your husband must look like without all those garments on his body.

He’s got to have scars, you think, because how could he not? It was impossible when you met him not to notice the one that splits his face, and you’re sure that training alone has marked him with a few others, not to mention all of the combat he’s seen. You’ve always been intrigued by scars, always liked knowing how their owners came to possess them. Maybe it’s because you yourself have only one to display, a mark on your thigh you earned from a fall in your teenage years. It’s healed well, but it’s still there, still pulls a little when you move your leg a certain way, a permanent reminder of the past. You wonder what Kylo’s scars remind him of, certain that it’s nothing good.

----

In the space between sleep and wakefulness, you hear Kylo speaking to you, voice soft in the darkness of your bedroom. You aren’t quite awake, aren’t quite coherent, so you move closer to him, willing your heavy eyes to stay open.

“What was that?” you ask, reaching out to cup his cheek, brush his hair back from his face. All you care about is the warmth of his skin against your palm, how you can still smell his soap on his damp hair. You just want to curl into him, and part of you wonders what Kylo would do if you just did.

“Can I hold your hand?” Kylo must be repeating himself, eyes shining in the darkness as he speaks soft, soft, soft. It’s taken all of his courage to ask, you can tell.

“Mmhm,” is about all you can come up with as a reply, withdrawing your hand from his cheek so you can fit your fingers together. Eyes so heavy, you let yourself enjoy the warmth of his palm on yours as you begin to drift off again.

“Goodnight,” Kylo whispers, and you’re too sleepy to answer him.

----

tag list: @oopsiedoopsie23 @dark-night-sky-99 @obsessionprofessional

#kylo ren #kylo ren imagine #kylo ren x reader #star wars #star wars imagine #my writing

155 notes · View notes

lostlonelylotus · 4 years

Text

Another Hiatus?

straight up thinking of taking another hiatus from Tumblr...I hate to, but I’m thinking maybe this place just isn’t good for me, even after such a long time away in the first place. More under the cut, if anyone wants to read it.

So, I struggle with a lot on a daily basis. Things that I don’t even tell what few people are around me in real life, because frankly, I don’t really have anyone to tell that I think would want to help. I’ve had to end a great deal of my friendships because they were unhealthy/toxic and others ended because I’m disabled and cannot keep up with more “social” or outgoing people (which unfortunately is usually interpreted as disinterest because of constant rescheduling or inability to go out).

No one even knows that I’ve started a particularly hard round of chemotherapy that involves painful injections, because I worry that people just get sick of hearing how I’m actually doing versus the image of me they think should be real. I lie and say that I’m fine, when I’m struggling mentally and physically. Very few people know that I’m in such severe constant pain that even with strong opiates, medical cannabis, benzodiazepines and constantly watching my diet, I’m spending 12+ hours a day in bed. I never get below a 6/10 anymore. I can’t remember what anything below that feels like. My body tortures me every waking minute.

I’m back to where I started when I began treatment in 2012 and my mental health has taken a nose dive because it all just feels so futile, you know? Treatment after treatment, surgery after surgery, fighting tooth and nail to have the bare bones of a life only to fail and wind up at square one is...Hell.

Add onto that, that I can’t get a FT job (so no PTO or good health insurance) despite having multiple degrees and that I had a position lined up before COVID that might now no longer even exist when this is all over + that the Part Time job I have that I love has completely changed now that I’m work from home and I HATE these new tasks and miss my coworkers + that I live with an actively abusive family member + that I have no friends beyond surface-level acquaintances despite so much effort to try and make and keep friends + that I’ve struggled my whole life with internalization of everything...and you’ve got a walking disaster of a human being who should probably nowhere near this site.

My therapist is through the school I graduated from, so I can’t even see them, and it wouldn’t matter because our relationship has progressed too far and they just treat my visits like a social hour and we never even talk about my real problems. It’s pretty damn pathetic when your needs don’t even matter to your therapist.

In real life, I’m a doormat to people’s needs. You need a house sitter? That’s me and they’ll pay me pennies to do it. You need someone to teach your children during COVID because we’re co-distancing? You need someone to drop everything and help you? That’s me. But when I need something, anything? A cup of tea or a genuinely asked “How are you?”? Forget it.

I miss fandom. I miss the escape. I miss the discourse. I miss the photosets and the freaking out over characters. I miss fandom buddies.

My experience of fandom since I last left Tumblr maybe 2-3 years ago has been very solitary. AO3 fics that I *do* comment on or discord servers where I’m one of dozens or more of people that no one can really remember because it’s hard to try to “compete” to be heard with 5 other people who are friends that are talking in depth about parts of fandom that you are new to...that and Google bloody Images have been my fandom for the past 2 years.

It’s fucking lonely out here. I feel like a fandom cowboy, alone on a prairie, occasionally passing by other cowboys and wrangling the livestock together for a moment before heading on with a half-hearted tip of our hats. It’s more than likely the reason why I haven’t published a fic in nearly 2 years, even though I’ve completed 1 or 2 little ones. I used to write all the time, all the time. Fics, ficlets, drabbles, headcanons. Screaming into the void is so much harder than just sitting there with your eyes closed and pretending there is no void.

I got into Classic Doctor Who and back into a few “older”/smaller fandoms, and when there’s no fic to be had...your only option really is Tumblr. I was writing again (am writing again?), and the photo/gif sets and the meta had me fucking inspired for the first time in...so long. I was addicted to writing again. Wrote more in the last two weeks than I have in years. Started writing a fic that’s already longer than any I’ve ever written before.

I thought I could handle it, Tumblr helped so much before in the Golden Days of Tumblr. I became part of a huge fandom friend group on Skype back then. I had friends. I had true fandom, not this bizarre one-person-imaginings experience of fandom.

I was able to see something triggering or an opinion I disagreed with or deal with bad anons or any of the bad parts of Tumblr. I was able to see just the good, overall.

But, now, I don’t know that I can? I’m too internalizing now? Someone replies to a post with a minor disagreement and it makes me hate myself. I get a slightly disgruntled anon and I cry. People don’t tag very triggering or super stressful political items anymore, so I can’t “unplug” when I need to avoid seeing things about riots and horrendous crimes against people and so I wind up with an additional panic attack because I can’t do anything about anything.

I don’t know if the vibe of this place has changed or if I’ve become one of the dreaded and dreadful “snowflakes” who just can’t handle shit. I think both, honestly.

And it fucking sucks, okay? Because I was starting to get back into the swing of liking this place. I was starting to branch out and reconnect with folks I knew from before that were/are wonderful or make new fandom acquaintances. I had the carrot of having a collection of true fandoms in front of me. Of feeling connected in this time of horrendous isolation (both for the world and me personally).

But the stick is so much bigger than I remember. So much larger and harder; a tree trunk log instead of a twig switch. I’m not taking little love taps or slightly stinging slaps, I’m being beaten with it. By it.

I don’t know what to do. I want to keep Tumbling. I want to keep building friendships and talking about dumb fandom things. I want to reblog old gifsets and have convos in the tags. I want to share fics/art back and forth. I live for the discussions that I’m starting to have again. I live for seeing 3 bloody notes on an original post I made. I live for knowing that someone, somewhere is seeing something I wrote or made or said and likes it.

I don’t want the internalization of disagreements, of a perceived inferiority to other users, of feeling bad about myself over things that aren’t even a big deal on Tumblr but are to me. I don’t want to feel even more ‘less than’ than I already do.

I don’t want to feel extreme anxiety over the insanity of the world that I can’t escape even on here because tagging is a thing of the past and it’s apparently a major faux pas to ask for tags on triggering content, even if I fully support the matters tagged. I live the insanity okay? I’m a queer, disabled, person of color, in the small-town Midwest living in poverty. I’m not some racist who just doesn’t want to see your protest content. I’m struggling to get by.

Maybe I’ll just stop producing content? Only reblog and like? Only comb through character tags or chat with some of the fantastic people that have offered? My inspiration is declining, along with my mood.

I’d honestly contemplate a permanent hiatus (just not a deletion) if all of the fandoms that I was in had discords, but they don’t. If they do, I don’t know about them. Though, honestly, discord is not the same, and I always feel even more insignificant there. Drowned out or unimportant.

Huh. Drowned out or unimportant, that could really be the title of this pity post. Possibly the title of an autobiography, if I was ever self-indulgent enough to write one.

If you’ve read this whole thing, then wow. Thank you, because you’ve just given more of a shit about me and my feelings than anyone in a long, long time.

This post probably won’t be up long, it was honestly meant to be a pity-party cathartic release of feelings and will, no doubt, make me feel more pathetic the longer I leave it up.

#fandom #personal #I'm contemplating leaving Tumblr again #I just don't know

2 notes · View notes

shakespeareanqueer · 5 years

Text

Lioness in Winter (Part 1)

Summary: Peter has a crush on you at school, but can’t stand you at work. What gives?

Word count: 1,188 words

Lioness in Winter Masterlist

Writer’s statement: This is the first part of my entry for @sunmoonandbucky‘s 1.5K Constellations Writing Challenge! It’s one of five, and I’ll have posted the full thing by the end of the week.

Contents: Peter x F!Super!Reader // shouldn’t be anything triggering. No violence, no smut. Just some light exposition :) (please let me know if I’m wrong!)

Chapter 1 | Chapter 2 | Chapter 3 | Chapter 4 | Chapter 5

“I did my PhD thesis on this, sweety, and I’m your professor in case you forgot, so I think I know what I’m talking about.”

Hoo boy. Peter sat back in his chair and folded his arms, waiting for your inevitably annihilating takedown of the haughty bastard standing at the front of the class.

“First off: call me ‘sweety’ again, I dare you. Second: you don’t get to claim that literature is subjective when your proposal for a class on how Shakespeare would have been a Republican is rejected by the department and then turn around and claim absolute authority on a subject when a student rebuts your interpretation with thorough textual evidence. That’s called hypocrisy, sweety, and no number of fancy degrees negates that fact.”

Peter smirked as the professor just stood there dumbfounded. When he finally went to open his mouth, he was cut off.

“Don’t bother trying to threaten my grade. If I were staying in this class, I would fight that tooth and nail, but I don’t need to put up with that because this is a large university with many equally or more qualified instructors who can actually handle constructive criticism like adults. And luckily, I haven’t yet missed the deadline to rearrange my schedule. I’m just glad I didn’t waste my time seething in the back row at your idiocy, waiting to give a devastating but ultimately ineffective course evaluation at the end of the semester.”

You turned to address your fellow students, grinning cheekily. “Reminder that the deadline to add and drop courses is Monday! Have an excellent semester, folks.”

Most people were staring at you with the same astonished expression as the professor, but the cute first-year in the front row who introduced himself on the first day as Peter Parker was smiling like an idiot. You winked at him, then strode out of the room, head held high. He was glad you turned and exited so briskly so you didn’t see him absolutely melt at your wink.

Peter was disappointed he wouldn’t get to share an additional class with you this semester, but he was in absolute awe of your courage and self-respect. He only met you because he had to take an English course for general education requirements, so he got it out of his way his first semester, intending to never take another humanities class again. But then he had gotten the pleasure of watching the intent expression on your captivating face as you listened to lectures, hearing your brilliant ideas and insightful comments, and sharing in your enthusiasm for literature that no teacher had ever managed to instill in him. He hadn’t heard great things about this professor and didn’t need another English credit, but when he heard you were going to be in this class and discovered that it fit in his schedule, he registered in a heartbeat. The topic did sound interesting, and staying in the class would give him an excuse to see you in the writer’s center and meet you for tutoring hours, so it would be worth putting up with this mediocre teacher for a few more months. And you were in the American history class he was taking for his history gen ed credit, so that’s a bonus. Besides, he needed the distraction from all the shit that was going down in his superhero life.

“You gonna web them to the wall, or do you want me to stand here all day holding their arms behind their backs?” you snapped at Peter, now in his full Spider-Man suit. Your modulated voice doesn’t retain all the annoyance you express, but it’ll have to do. He can’t know who you are, nor can anyone else in SHIELD. Pretty much only Pepper Potts and the dear, departed Tony Stark knew who you were, and it was going to stay that way until you decided whether this superhero gig was for you.

He reluctantly extended his wrist and expelled his signature sticky substance in order to detain the thugs until more SHIELD agents could arrive. He could have handled this without you, and he refused to admit that you provided actual assistance. As far as Peter was concerned, this new Lioness that had joined the team was unnecessary and he would have loved nothing more than to prove that you were a hindrance. But two against two are objectively better odds than one against two, so that argument did not hold water for this particular encounter.

You couldn’t understand for the life of you what made Peter hate you so much here and fawn on you so much at school. You were the exact same person. Something you prided yourself on was not warping your character for anything or anyone, so despite the fact that in one place you had a fancy suit and a voice modulator and fought bad guys with him by his side and in the other you were an English Literature major with a nerd-level passion for the written word, the personalities he experienced in both environments were identical. And yet in one setting, it was painfully obvious he had a huge crush on you, while in the other, he clearly wanted nothing to do with you. You didn’t understand, but you had no emotional investment in it either way, so, whatever.

The truth that you didn’t know was this: Peter resented the Lioness. Hardcore. These were the facts in his mind: During the five years known as the ‘blip,’ when Peter was dust, Tony had started an actual internship program based on the pretense that Peter had developed during his early years of being Spider-Man. It started legitimately on the business side at Stark Industries, and you’d begun in the marketing and social media department. But all interns had to take ‘self defense’ courses with Happy and Rhodey, and you’d impressed them and Pepper so much that they brought you to Tony’s attention. And as far as Peter knew, that was all it took to make you an Avenger. Something he worked so hard on, took years to achieve. It didn’t feel fair. What also wasn’t fair to Peter was how you got nearly five years with Tony as a mentor, while he had only had his powers, let alone been under Tony’s wing, for about two years before Tony sacrificed himself to save the universe from Thanos. He felt replaced. He felt cheated. But most of all, he just felt angry at the universe for taking Tony away from him and putting undue pressure on his shoulders, and he took it out on you. On the Lioness.

It almost made you laugh to see the eyes on the Spider-Man suit narrowed in spite at you from across the Quinjet, knowing that Peter’s human eyes would be pleading and admiring across a desk at your tutoring appointment in just a few short hours. But also, for a reason you didn’t understand because you swore you had no emotional investment in his opinion of you, it also kind of made you want to cry.

#personal #fanfic #fanfiction #fan fiction #fan fic #peter parker x reader #peter parker #spider man #spider man x reader #spiderman #spiderman x reader #spider-man #spider-man x reader #marvelll #marvel #mcu #fanon #my arachnidumbass #1.5kconstellationswritingchallenge

9 notes · View notes

the-canary · 6 years

Text

Mausoleum - B.B (3/7)

Summary: Well, this was certainly one way to go about a museum date with your historical crush. (Reader/Bucky Barnes).

Masterlist

A/N: This is for @jaamesbbarnes. welcome to me struggling to keep this 6 chapters, but we’ll see. also, reference to an old show somewhere >>;;

Part 1 | Part 2

Everett Ross is a smart man and while once he would have fallen under all the pressure placed on him by his superiors and all who looked to him for the next step, he didn’t do so now -- years of experience in both war and diplomacy have cooled him down. But underneath the veneer of civility, Ross is still a man that trust his instinct most of the all, that gut that has saved him a million times before even if he might play it off as something else. However, like any normal person, Everett Ross has flaws as well.

A certain soft, in the name of friendship and their shared past, towards a former lieutenant is one of them. Ross knows that it was stupid and downright dangerous to send a semi-suicidal person and a potential suicide mission, but he knew you. During your time in the Air Force, you read up on any book you could find on the Howling Commandos, specially Bucky Barnes -- you carried them around like a safety net and when your time was up, you used your resources to get degree after degree in American Military History with a honed focus on WWII.

The two of you were slowly becoming leading experts in your respective fields, but while Ross had overcome in his own ways the horrors of the Gulf and other missions (certainly a lie on some days), you hadn’t. The scars still burned and you had dropped out of your programs and jobs more than once because of the nightmares they caused, but that didn’t stop you -- the museum in New York being the latest gig and Everett wanted to believe that.

But, this was also an opportunity that he couldn’t miss, especially with the Winter Soldier, and you were his ace in the hole. However, as he watches the little red symbol showing him your location in Europe flash and disappear on the screen all of a sudden, he can’t help but let out a frustrated groan -- unsure of what happens next.

He just hopes, so unlike him, that he hasn’t killed you a second time.

It’s simple questions, he never talks more than necessary. Who are you? Who are you working for? What are the exacts details of your mission?

A long time ago, you would have fought tooth and nail to not give the answers to those questions, you would die before they knew what rattled in your head. However, now all that your head safeguarded was nightmares and regrets and you gladly hand them over to Bucky Barnes with those dark blue eyes and guarded expression. A haunted version of himself that you had idealized back as a teen, but after the Winter Soldier incident and looking at him now, he reminded you of Monty Clift after the car crash, barely hanging in there. He keeps asking, and you keep answering everything with completely honestly -- Ross would surely hate you.

“Air Force? What position?” his voice is rusty and breaks near the end once more, as he takes a bite out of his sandwich. Look normal, like a wandering and dirty American couple simply playing tourists and snuggling in to each other while eating.

“Yes, first lieutenant,” you smile bitterly behind your tea cup. Your eyes flicker between looking at his gloved hands and the dirty brown hair hiding his face, so completely different from the pictures and engravings that you had seen over the years. It’s shattering to see your idol like this, but at the same time you can’t blame him.

“How long?” he questions, glancing around the cafe to see who might be watching the two of you and memorizing all the exits for the 4th time, it eases him just a little to know he could escape at a moment’s notice.

“A couple of months,” you answer, as Bucky takes mental note of where he could have gone wrong that he could have been tracked down, knowing that he won’t make the same mistakes again -- not like this was any better though, “Since Scotland.”

“And you?”

“Search, nothing more than that,” you shrug, rolling your shoulder back in momentary pain, “Though, I was honestly expecting a fight.”

“I don’t do that anymore,” he says so softly that your heart breaks, as he wringes his two gloved hands together.

“I see that now, and I am sorry for expecting the worst,” you lament, as blue eyes widen by only a fraction at your declaration, making him wonder how long it had been since he had heard such words, wondering how they could be given so easily, and whether he even deserved them. However, in a quick second, he shakes all those thoughts away.

“Go home,” is all he says, as he begins to get up. Putting some change together to leave on the table before hanging his backpack on his shoulders once more.

“I’m sorry, I can’t do that,” you manage to answer back, before blue eyes turn to look at you, resolute in getting his words across, in having a say in what happens in his own life after so many years of being the first of HYDRA against his will.

“Don’t follow me,” is all he says before disappearing through the crowd, as you frown.

Bucky Barnes knows that you are connected some powerful people, maybe not HYDRA but someone else looking to bring him in and he knows the moment that something happened to you -- they were going to come after him first. And while blue eyes linger at the person he has actually had a long conversation with in more than 70 years, self-preservation got the better of him as he disappeared into the Belgium streets.

You’re short on time, knowing that with his location known, Bucky Barnes would mostly like be out of Antwerp by the end of the day, if not the hour so instead of going back to your shady hotel room -- you move forward. You decide to go into the shopping district, trying to best to get some travel gear and a decent set of clothes. Your phone has stop pinging, no sign of Bucky, but with your limited knowledge of where he is going and how to get into said country, you head to the closest train station. You know that this is stupid idea, that you are essentially running from a mission given to you by Ross (but not really) in order to follow an former assassin that could have you (but wouldn’t) disappear without a trace. This is all so ridiculous, but taking a deep breath and heading towards the ticket station and getting on the one that moved through the Belgium-France border.

“It leaves in a few minutes,” the station attendant manages to tell you and you’re off, running to catch an unsure train that might or might not be carrying Bucky Barnes to his next destination. There are too many uncertainties right now that a past version of yourself would be angered by the lack of control in your hands, but for now...you were okay with that, and that was saying a lot.

You sat down near the back, as you tried to stay calm for the moment but you couldn’t stop the rush of adrenaline at the flash of blue a few seats away, though you weren’t going to get up just because of one little incident. You were going to be on the train for a few hours, so you could scope everything out later. Fpr now, you took a deep breathe and settled in.

“Rett’s gonna freak out,” you giggle a bit, before cuddling your new backpack closer and watching as the train slowly starts to makes its way out of the station.

You were alive and you were going to be fine (maybe), even if that mean playing Ishmael for awhile.

Part 4

#bucky x reader #bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes #bucky barnes fanfiction #bucky barnes fan fic #bucky barnes fic #james buchanan barnes x reader #james bucky barnes x reader #series: graves and dates #fabiola trying to write

130 notes · View notes

mommydropthemic · 6 years

Text

What does love look like: My Birth Story

Uncomfortable, scared pregnancy = Uncomfortable, scared birth.

THE SHITTY PREAMBLE

I ate a “strata” at church made of cheese, hamburger, and breadcrumbs. This was the birthing cocktail I needed, apparently. I had a ton of loose stools, just like last time with the birth of my first child, around 12 pm when I returned home. Like last time I kept wondering: Is it early labor? Is it cheese? Is it both? I have a way, a knack, of alienating Western/ polite/civilized? people with my love/non-fear of discussing the body. Foreshadowing the momentous coming of our second child, reminded by our best man Jeff at the wedding, that I introduced this knack to my future husband the first night we met by showing him my foot corn. (According to Jeff who introduced us, Jasen’s response was of compassion). I’d not kept it 50% then in matters of body, and the thing about birth is, especially home birth, you have no choice but to keep it 100%-120%. So a big memory for this birth is shitting all over the place. On the couch, on the way to the bathroom, perhaps a little bit made it into the toilet?

Everything’s a blur, but I do remember this birth being more painful than my first. Samuel has a bigger body than Ruby (though she had a larger head). I had also alienated my kind stay-at-home white-guy-writer-dad-neighbor Jeff, because the last month of pregnancy I was so damned hot and uncomfortable — the day Sam was born it was about 90 degrees (which is anathema to any typical Seattleite and I’ve been one since my birth in the mid-80’s)—I would lay in bed, pregnant as all hell, naked in our room which is adjacent to neighbor Jeff’s house separated only by a few feet, a chain link fence sparsely lined with trees. In my mind, he was an innocent white guy enjoying the side of his house, walking and whistling as he might, then the sight of my distended-bellied, uncomfortable naked body splayed out right next door made him uncomfortable. You might note that I didn’t exactly intentionally do this, but we are cash-poor and lazy with completely ineffectual heavy blinds that are perpetually hanging halfway open, the cord tangled on one side, the other cord half-cocked—it’s a damn mess.

Anyhow, I think we both noticed each other, him uncomfortable with my naked pregnant (Asian-- does that factor in?) female body; me uncomfortable with being caught naked by my neighbor or uncomfortable with his uncomfortableness.

All this is to say, WHAT DOES LOVE LOOK LIKE?

My patient Jasen wiped my shit-pouring ass without hesitation. Be it the garbanzo beans I’d had just before I was sure it was labor-labor and not pre (that is “false”) labor, or leftover strata hanging out in my gut even after the 12 pm loose poops.

Love looks like...

Jasen wiping my bottom and throwing away the pee pee pad.

Wayne, Carol, Caryn, Cate, Ed, Mom, and Dad watching Ruby while Jasen rushed home to fill the tub.

Dana and Melissa telling me between my confused afternoon poops to call Midwife Jenn.

Midwife Jenn and her husband Don ditching their anniversary plans to see the Terra Cotta Warriors to go home and be on standby for labor. Of course it was their anniversary; last birth was my midwife’s son’s birthday, the only day she took off all year, and also Thanksgiving. I make auspicious children.

Jasen fighting me tooth and nail (“you’ll take control of house organization out of my cold, dead hands”) to work against my scattered frugal instinct to present the clean, organized house of my dreams. This is still a work in progress, naturally (it’s out of my cold, dead hands).

Brandi, supporting and videoing and being present for the birth.

Ben sacrificing his pay so we could have more.

Alice with her surreptitious gardening and then being able to watch Ruby; looking for castor oil in my disorganized ass house while I just laid my fat naked ass on the couch; purchasing a curtain rod to protect Ruby from her playful self; and a sustained hunt for apricot juice.

Nate being available to watch Ruby

Vicki bringing delicious food when I was starving.

Emily, Charles, and Michaela making pre-celebratory beer with me for Samuel’s arrival.

Jess, Porter, Harper, Etta, and Patrick watching Ruby during the birth and being willing to watch her overnight.

Alpha insurance broker from heaven!

In summary, an army of love for a successful birth.

And, Melissa. Dear Melissa. You set up the birthing tub with Jasen; gently chastised Jasen to go be with me when he was not; and carefully took down the tub—full of poo, blood, baby-birthing-juices, it was tinged red with floating debris, ah, the floating debris. By the final pushes I was definitely disturbed by said floaties in the tub. Based on Ruby’s birth, I thought there wouldn’t be shit, but following a pregnancy of weird shits, and a new baby with weird shits, it is not a surprise.

1) IMMANUEL CHURCH STRATA. Uncomfortable as fuck. Moving from pews to the back of the church with carpeted stairs. Pastor asked if baby dropped, she could tell the baby’s position had changed. Whoops, we couldn’t tell.

2) LOTS of uncertainty. For weeks, I’d been thinking, it’s gonna happen early, it’s gonna happen, I have uncomfortable contraction-like feelings, but they go nowhere. We wake up, no baby, womp womp. So what was to make this day any different?

hottest day on record

Jenn and Don’s anniversary

friend Beth’s daughter Evie’s birthday

two days before due date.

3) After much consternation looking for apricot juice (Alice tried PCC, nope), we had a lemon verbena, castor oil German-midwife-induction-cocktail ready to go and I was trying to decide what was a more auspicious day to coax my baby into existence—6/27 or 6/28, but we didn’t need it. Huzzah!

4) On the one hand, the birth was harder, scarier, uncomfy, I was more tired (from taking care of Ruby). On the other, we were MORE PREPARED THAN EVARR.

A) Therapy

B) Supplements-nutrition-visiting the doctor

C) Acupuncture

D) Birthing class, though we were snooty about it—I was sad for our culture begetting scared women afraid of their bodies, Jasen was snooty about our first birth.

E) Talk to peers

F) Talk to Ruby. A LOT. Every night.

G) Relationship class

H) Total Pelvic Recall

I) Massage. Vag therapy advice + massage

Based on our most trying year and a half, mine personally and also as a couple with a postpartum mood explosion of some sort (a total-mama-meltdown) I needed to ensure this time around, that the insanity, and post-insanity HAZE of the first and second years of Child One’s life was not repeated or at least not as devastatingly so. So far, success.

This time:

our finances are less stable

we are delinquent on rent

we were fighting about the tub. The $250 tub (my vag, not yours, homie).

we almost lost our insurance.

we almost had our water shut off.

an anonymous donor stepped in and helped-they covered the global midwifery fee, the tub, all of it. Ho-ly-shit.

I didn’t do my kegels as much--first, benign neglect, second, on purpose (on advice of my white Vag lady, i.e. vagina guru physical therapist).

my goal of Sammy not fucking up my periurethral area: MET!

birthtub: MET!

confronting J with my shit (though not in the tub): MET!

I am one lucky lady. And my children + hubby are lucky motherfuckers.

I was nervous that the coochie pads weren’t made—we had several, but not many—didn’t need ‘em!

We are at 6.4 weeks post-birth, and my vag + bod, other than being too hot and too stinky, are feeling on the up and up.

GOD BLESS IT. GOD BLESS ALL THE LOVES. IT WORKED OUT. Out of $? My mom shows up with $20. The credit card. (Countless) people feed us. People are patient. People understand.

*The End*

4 notes · View notes

thisweekingundamwing · 7 years

Text

This Week in Gundam Wing: October 22nd - 28th

Happy Sunday Gundam Wing Fandom!

We have tons of super awesome things for you to check out this week! Many many thanks to those who submitted and tagged us in content - it makes our job so much easier! The fandom is growing, and being part of that is a privilege and job to watch, but it does sometimes make it hard to keep up! If you’ve created something we missed, please feel free to let us know so we can feature you too!

Remember, if you find something you love, please please make sure you let the creator know how much you enjoyed it! Every little comment/like/reblog goes a long way towards fueling their desire to do more!

Thank you for all that you do, and keep submitting your great content to us!

This update was delayed by the Great Tumblr Crash of 2017, please accept our apologies!

-Mod CB

Below the cut!

Fanfiction:

(please take note of any warnings within the fics themselves, do not rely on this list as exhaustive)

@amberlyinviolet, @yourbloodlikewine

In This Light, Chapter 3: Eli

http://archiveofourown.org/works/12386715/chapters/28402484

Duo x OC, Trowa x OC, Solo x OC. AU, child abuse mention, Sexual Assault Mention, homophobic parents, Re-Written Characters, Drug Use, Violence, off screen murder

Duo spent the last semester working in his older brother's coffee shop. He's resigned himself to a boring spring when a stranger appears, shaking up his entire life.Eli left home last fall, choosing to spend the last six months living out of his van on his travels from the Midwest to the East Coast. By the time he arrives at Ink's, the novelty of traveling alone has started to wear off. Still, the last thing he's expecting is to meet someone who's going to change all that for him

@anaranesindanarie

Never Forget to Breathe

http://archiveofourown.org/works/12462762/chapters/28362603

2+5, 3x4, 1xR.

Accident, motorcycle, Drunk Driver, Injury, Recovery, Physical Therapy, Pain, Depression, Anger, Self-Hatred

An accident leaves him with a new outlook on life. After a long recovery period, he decides to travel the world, eventually settling down in a small college town to peruse a degree or three. There he runs into an old friend who he hasn't seen in years.

@chronicwhimsy

Saudade, Chapter 12: Fővárosi Nagycirkusz

http://archiveofourown.org/works/11352189/chapters/28440536

Eventual 3x4, 2+3 bromance throughout

Everyone is fed up of Trowa being useless so they take matters into their own hands. Trowa doesn’t handle it well.

@claraxbarton

This Feeling, Chapter 1

http://archiveofourown.org/works/12520764

2x6, eventual 2x3x6, slow burn, post canon, angst

A dozen years after the wars, Trowa is still trying to find a place for himself. A glimpse into the lives of Duo Maxwell and Zechs Merquise makes him wish for things he had never before considered.

@cosmostar

Desire Told In Colors, Chapter 16: Navy (Now Complete)

http://archiveofourown.org/works/11227302/chapters/28488556

Zechs x Noin. AU, from sex to love, canon het relationship, heterosexual sex, unplanned pregnancy, violence, torture

"There were kisses printed all over his shirt, some playfully smeared, some carefully stamped, some surpassing touching his collarbone, too many for not being remembered. With a swift movement, he pulled off the shirt and found a message written on the back, the lipstick so red it made him think of blood: 'Call me.'" A 2017 Summer of Zechs submission. Color prompts.

@cynfinnegan

Omnibus, Chapter 5

http://archiveofourown.org/works/7373635/chapters/28558204

3x4

Another piece of Shatter Me inspired by a writing prompt.

Note that this fic is a collection of smaller bits, so please note individual chapter pairings and warnings.

@fadedsepia

SPF

http://archiveofourown.org/works/12532780

2x3x5, beach, one shot, innuendo, nudist!Wufei

Wufei, Trowa, and Duo discuss sunburn and beachwear.

Kaiser Chris

Fall of the Lightning Count

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12692159/1/Fall-of-the-Lightning-Count

Zechs Merquise the Lightning Count, a legendary MS Ace and hero of OZ. In July of AC 195, Zechs chose to commit treason against OZ, defying the Romefeller Foundation for honor in order to duel a Gundam. What Zechs did not predict that others would find fault with his actions, and strike him down for consorting with the Gundams. A mistake that cost him his life. (AU miniseries)

@kangofu-cb

Belonging

http://archiveofourown.org/works/12473872

1x2x5. Kinktober entry. PWP. Double penetration. Threesome

Heero and Duo help Wufei relax after a rough day at work.

Reflection

http://archiveofourown.org/works/12527160

2x?, Kinktober entry, mirrors, lingerie, mild kink, pwp, rimming

Duo comes home to a much-appreciated surprise.

LittleMouse

Warcraft, Chapter 2: Waking to Us

http://archiveofourown.org/works/12429339/chapters/28489976

AU, fantasy

Alternate Fantasy World - A world where people have ‘Talents’ that allow them to control certain elements. Different Talents can ‘Join’ to become a specific entity - some can heal, some can repair damage to land and buildings, some are weapons. The Talents you ‘Join’ with are called your Others. The perfect Joining is of five separate Talents. One lonely Fire Talent far to the North has given up waiting for his Others - good thing they haven’t stopped looking for him.

Lord Raa

Heero Sandwhich

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12594063/1/Heero-Sandwich

Nobody asked for this, especially not Heero Yuy, but here we are all the same. Prepare for a "comedy" with some adult content. If the chapters feel truncated, then you might want to look for a certain Fanfiction Forum on the (dot) net for a more complete experience.

Luvsanime02

Engage, Chapter 1

http://archiveofourown.org/works/12458772/chapters/28352415

Post-Series, Politics, Friendship, Canon-Typical Violence, Minor Character Death, Government Upheaval, Language

The time has come for all of their plans to finally start being put into motion. This is the eighth story in Navigation, a fem!Heero series.

The Fullness of One’s Life

http://archiveofourown.org/works/12442440

Sally x Une. Kinktober entry. Fluff. Bathtub sex.

Une takes a bath after a long, difficult day, and Sally joins her.

Back Against The Wall

http://archiveofourown.org/works/12483552

2x3. Explicit. Kinktober entry. Exhibitionism.

“We’re just bros being bros and doing something 100% platonic, but somehow we’re turning each other on because of not-so-buried feelings for each other, and we can’t make it stop” sex. Trowa's tired of painting all day, but at least he has a nice distraction in the form of Duo Maxwell.

Tequila Toasts

http://archiveofourown.org/works/12483604

1x2. Kinktober entry. 69. Explicit sexual content. AU.

Duo's having some bad luck lately, but he'll feel better after hanging out with his ex, Heero Yuy.

With Words and Deeds

http://archiveofourown.org/works/12498892

Une x Treize. Kinktober entry. Mild kink. Mild sexual content. Boot fetish.

Une is a young woman, and when she puts on the uniform, she's a soldier. To Treize, she is both.

MaryDBlack

Life & Death, Chapter 4

http://archiveofourown.org/works/11788950/chapters/28386924

Duo x Harry, Harry x Tom Riddle, Harry x Voldemort. Dubious Consent, Dubious Morality, Soulmates, non graphic sex, Rape/Non-con Elements, Reincarnation, Harry is Solo

We see a little of who Solo/Harry is/was. Mentions of child abuse.

Maldoror_Chant

Flayed Horses

http://archiveofourown.org/works/12458172

1x5. Angst. PTSD. Trauma. Depression. Suicidal thoughts.

Wufei found Heero a few months after the war had ended and spent over a year helping him find that end of the war for himself. It was...a lot of work. There were still no go zones and things they could not do together as a couple, but a museum should be safe enough-Wufei found Heero a few months after the war had ended.The war had ended. Ended. Ended.never ends never ends never ends never ends never ends never ends

The Arrangement, Chapter 39: The Distance Between Need and Want, Part II

http://archiveofourown.org/works/12131427/chapters/28523116

1x5. Veeery long fic ahoy, Not a romance per se, sex and violence, Non-Consensual Drug Use, Angst and Humor, Preventer missions, war-time missions, mature themes, mentions of torture, background threesome, communication and emotions are for pansies as far as the main character is concerned

Wufei, struggling with his demons, agrees to a wartime fling with Heero, no affection needed or wanted. But the 'arrangement' lasts and grows as they join the preventers. It could become a source of strength for both. If they let it.

The Source of all Things, Chapter 8: Intersection, Part I

http://archiveofourown.org/works/12121344/chapters/28556848

3x4, eventual 2x5, eventual 1x2x5. Science Fiction, Fantasy, Plot Twists, fairly graphic depiction of sex, Mild description of self-harm, Mathematical Magic, weird science, crones - Freeform, Magic and Technology brawling and eventually screwing, Eventual Threesome, Kinda, Insanity of arcane origin, The universe is a pile of marbles and other dubious allegories

Center, a planet where magic and technology blend. Or more accurately, fight tooth and nail. A planet of Sources, holes in our boring dimension letting through arcane power, chaos and pseudo-deities. In this hot-house of myths and very real dangers, Trowa and Quatre find a mysterious man at the end of a shamanic voyage. Portents suggest this Heero Yuy is crucial to Center’s survival. He’s important enough to have some interesting enemies after him, at any rate: a devious killer and thief called ‘Shinigami’, and a very irate Dragon. Beyond them looms an even greater threat. Indeed, the greatest of them all.

Megumi_L1

Mission Accepted: A Gundam Wing Fanfic, Chapter 7

http://archiveofourown.org/works/7682083/chapters/28450684

1xR. Love's Calling, Dangerous Deeds, Mild Language, Non-Explicit Sex,Low Violence

One year had gone by since the last time they had seen each other face to face, since the people of Earth and of the colonies had made a true peace with each other.Things had changed. It was safe to walk on the streets again. It was all right to voice one's opinions in public again. It was perfectly okay to live.But Heero had always been suspicious of this new existence. It was too peaceful. Those suspicions had led him to a new path, a new adventure, and the young woman next to him, wanting a break from her predictable new life, had decided to join him on that path....

Murshmallow

Mountebank

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12453362/1/Mountebank

AC 205- 25 year old Heero Yuy has been living comfortably in space for the past 5 years as an engineer named Dr. Odin Lowe Jr., heading the life support effort for the Mars Terraformation Project. When he is arrested for the disappearance of Foreign Minister Relena Darlian, he must prove his innocence, while tracking down the person responsible, from behind bars.

NEW *M* RATING

Dossier

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12449464/1/Dossier

Heero Yuy had spent time soul searching. He had spent time trying to be human. When his birth certificate is handed to him on a harddrive, he may have to do it all again. [1xR]

Mythical Rose

Andromeda, Chapter 1

http://archiveofourown.org/works/12482704/chapters/28413824

1x2, 3x4, 5x6.

Five years ago Heero Yuy and Duo Maxwell met, fell in love and married. Three years of happiness was thrown away when Duo thought Heero had cheated on him. Now two years later, they meet again on the Battlestar Andromeda where Duo is Commander. Sent on a mission together, will they find their love is still there or will saving Earth finally tear them apart.

nagi_schwarz

Unknown Roads Lead Away from Home

http://archiveofourown.org/works/12528300

Stargate and Supernatural crossover. Part 23 of the Good Hunting series. Dark, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Implied/Referenced Drug Addiction

Rodney and the team's progress toward opening the gates of Atlantis is sidetracked by a child asking for food.

Nemesis13

The Trials and Tribulations of a High Society Shinigami

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12690364/1/The-Trials-and-Tribulations-of-a-High-Society-Shinigami

Duo was a very caring woman, an open book so to speak, always there to help those that needed it with a smile on hand. The problem was she was surrounded by insane men who needed to be watched over like kids and her fellow women left her to it. Resigning herself to being the team mom Duo did her best, but she hadn't planned on Heero admitting he loved her. Things are weird now…

@noelleian

Leather and Cream, Chapter 1

http://archiveofourown.org/works/12488244/chapters/28427404

3x4, 1x2x3x4x5. Fivesome - M/M/M/M/M, Smut, BDSM, Fluff and Smut, Sex Toys, Spanking, Rough Sex, Restraints, Pet Names, Aftercare, Rimming, Crack Treated Seriously, Dom/sub Play

In a strangely Freudian fashion, the purpose of such an experience was to know your own mortality. To knock the human ego down a few pegs and remind yourself that no, you are not infallible. To feel the terror of losing control while hidden safely behind a fortress built from steel and mortar. It was like staring Death straight in the eyes and knowing that it wasn't your time. Your body, your life, your soul, placed in the hands of those who would lay down their own to protect them.It was, to put it bluntly, the best of both worlds.

Relena For President

Civil Wars

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12500874/1/Civil-Wars

A.C. 210. Four years after the end of his marriage, Heero Yuy finds himself on a familiar, destructive path. Will it lead to redemption, or pure revenge? [1xR/broken pairing]

Red Moon Rise

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12593127/1/Red-Moon-Rise

A.C. 213. Heero and Relena are reunited after months apart and, at long last, planning a future together. But, as all too often with this fated pair, complications never fail to arise... Sequel to "Red Moon Glow."

@renmaxwell, @shinigami-of-excellence

We Don’t Belong, Chapter 3

http://archiveofourown.org/works/12353439/chapters/28336371

Alliance won AU, gundam pilots lost, oz lost, white fang lost, just everyone lost except the alliance, Sexual Slavery, Pedophilia, because let's be real these pilots are still 15, Forced Prostitution, Forced Sex, yes i'll tag them when they happen, Quatre isn't a sissy, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, romefeller is a huge player here, angst for YEARS, just so much angst, Dark, Execution, Alternate Universe - Dark

A look into Wufei's new life, with a terrible surprise. The one who would long to be his savior is now just like him and forced into despicable actions. When the would-be savior fails to even do that, torturous punishments follow.

This chapter contains graphic descriptions of rape

Relena’s Glam Squad

The Edge of Oblivion

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/10163755/1/The-Edge-of-Oblivion

Heero Yuy returns after a 10-year absence, and much has changed. Meanwhile, the abandonment of large scale weapons didn't end all wars. All it did was lead to the rise of new weapons. Biochemical ones. When that happens, even the best kept secrets can have deadly consequences. [Rating has been changed for violence and adult themes]

Shadow-Hawk2

Imperial Guard

https://m.fanfiction.net/s/12559874/1/Imperial-Guard

Duo Maxwell is trapped in another part of the galazy far from all that he knows and the woman he loves. He must learn to survive among primitive violent people and accept that he may never be able to return to Earth.

Shini02

Connect the Space Between, Chapter 2: Salvage

http://archiveofourown.org/works/12462054/chapters/28361337

AU, Crossover with Transformers

One man's trash is another's treasure.

Strawberrywaltz

The Forgotten, Chapter 13 (Now Complete)

http://archiveofourown.org/works/11686344/chapters/28344810

1x4, past 3x4, implied rape/non-con, amnesia, abuse

The entire universe thinks that Quatre Winner is dead, but when Heero starts having strange black-outs he begins to realize the rumors of Quatre's death might not be true.

Sylvieforaday

They Say it was a Concussion, Chapter 10

http://archiveofourown.org/works/12347688/chapters/28382840

2x6. AU. Surgeon Zechs. Dancer Duo.

Duo takes a spill and Zechs is just what the doctor ordered.

Moving On

http://archiveofourown.org/works/12529256/chapters/28531688

2x5. Angst, Hurt/Comfort, eventual smut, mention of past sexual abuse, past character death

Duo is trying to find his place in his own world without his crutch - Heero Yuy.

Synthesis

Soldier of OZ: Walker’s Account

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/7977074/1/Soldier-of-OZ-Walker-s-Account

In AC 195, five Gundams come to Earth in Operation 'M', testing the strength, virtue and intelligence of officers and soldiers of the world's armed forces. After failing his first encounter, one ex-engineer has a chance at a better outcome, and takes it. An effort to reconcile 'Gundam Wing' with 'The Glory of Losers', from the perspective of those in OZ.

TheManwell

May Demons Rest, Chapter 29: The Contract, and Chapter 30: Cleansing

http://archiveofourown.org/works/10944786/chapters/28475736

2x3, post-canon, bad language, underage drinking, suicidal thoughts

A re-write of my 2004 fanfic "Shinigami Sleeps" - To find and free Duo from his demons, Trowa leaves his uneventful life at the circus for the mean streets of an obscure colony in L2.

Snippets

@amberlyinviolet

https://www.tumblr.com/dashboard/blog/amberlyinviolet/166746291404

@claraxbarton

http://claraxbarton.tumblr.com/post/166786678750/wip-wednesday-from-an-angsty-hopefully-smutty

@kangofu-cb

https://kangofu-cb.tumblr.com/post/166802586037/wip-wednesday

https://kangofu-cb.tumblr.com/post/166856627484/happy-hour-so-claraxbarton-suggested-cocktail

https://kangofu-cb.tumblr.com/post/166764577257/youve-been-fic-tagged-share-a-few-lines-from-a

@lifeaftermeteor :

https://lifeaftermeteor.tumblr.com/post/166894505417/an-these-next-few-take-place-over-the-course-of

https://lifeaftermeteor.tumblr.com/post/166749934674/spoilers-lam-next-gen-pt1

https://lifeaftermeteor.tumblr.com/post/166749950869/spoilers-lam-next-gen-pt2

https://lifeaftermeteor.tumblr.com/post/166749982359/spoilers-lam-next-gen-pt3

https://lifeaftermeteor.tumblr.com/post/166654396842/winner-family-compound-outskirts-of-douz-tunisia

@maevemauvaise

http://maevemauvaise.tumblr.com/post/166895175271/youve-been-fic-tagged-share-a-few-lines-from-a

@vegalume

http://vegalume.tumblr.com/post/166797758640/wip-wednesday

Fanart

@alpha2nd2006

http://alpha2nd2006.tumblr.com/post/166498596662/inktober-day-17 Inktober Pilots Mashup - Clothing Swap

@drkstars-art

https://drkstars-art.tumblr.com/post/151774942317/inktober2016-number-13-ive-been-wanting-to-draw Grown Up Cathy

@gundamwing-ellesmith

http://gundamwing-ellesmith.tumblr.com/post/166872401739/voyeurism-dx1-theres-a-story-behind-this-which-i DX1 NSFW 'Storyboard' art

@jamyuyu

http://jamyuyu.tumblr.com/post/166774279087/get-u-a-girl-who-can-do-both-inktober2016-with Inktober Relena

@landoftherisingspark

https://landoftherisingspark.tumblr.com/post/166586179885/day-322-theres-nothing-deeper-to-choosing Gundam Wing inspired military garb

@lighteningavenger

http://lighteningavenger.tumblr.com/post/166722654853 OC drawing for @gwoc-october

@looklingart

http://looklingart.tumblr.com/post/166612238149/request-im-always-here-for-anything-duo-duo-x Duo and Quatre

@noromax

https://lbro009.tumblr.com/post/166874263965/cynfinnegan-noromax-gwepisode50-noromax fanart of unnamed canon character “Hamilton”

@outofworkshinigami

http://outofworkshinigami.tumblr.com/post/166672006472/i-needed-a-full-ref-of-my-treize-so-here-you-go Treize reference

@pawedprints

http://pawedprints.tumblr.com/post/166690000118/inktober-day-22 Inktober Relena

@vegalume

http://vegalume.tumblr.com/post/166871514440/finally-got-off-of-my-procrastinating-posterior Painting of Sally on cardboard

Meta/Headcanons

Duo and dogs: https://lifeaftermeteor.tumblr.com/post/166862137342/additional-thoughts-below-the-cutmore-ive

Pilots’ scars https://gw-ficrecfriday.tumblr.com/post/166544768116/scars

Dr. Jay Null http://the-indomitable-bhg.tumblr.com/post/166698167092

Heero being alone https://lifeaftermeteor.tumblr.com/post/166620174301

Dorothy http://simulacraryn.tumblr.com/post/166896646418/so-yesi-have-a-head-canon-ya-all-know-about

Sweepers https://the-indomitable-bhg.tumblr.com/post/166838833457/the-sweeper-group-and-a-brief-history-of-space

Duo’s memory https://the-indomitable-bhg.tumblr.com/post/166763174897/its-one-of-the-reasons-he-fills-silence-with

Silly Trieze headcanon http://outofworkshinigami.tumblr.com/post/166783624947/this-is-just-a-silly-thought-but-does-anyone-else

Calendar Events

Unnatural November by @gwblockparty

Begins Wednesday, November 1st, and runs the entire month!

A fanworks celebration of all things weird and supernatural.

Participation information here!

AO3 collection here!

Eve War Event by @gw-evewar

Posting December 23rd - December 24th.

A fanworks Science Fiction event.

Participation information here!

OC October by @gwoc-october

Ends Tuesday, October 31st - don’t forget to get your submissions in!

A fanworks celebration of Original Characters.

Participation information here!

#This week in Gundam Wing #thisweekingundamwing #october 20th - 28th #mod cb

24 notes · View notes

dantempyt555 · 4 years

Text

The Evolution of cbd öl

Italy's 'Cannabis Light' Creates Buzz Even If The Pot Won't

youtube

Premenstrual syndrome (PMS) can be a monthly fight for over 40% of menstruating women developing during 7-14 days just before menstruation. The general rule of thumb is to give your cat a dosage of 1-5 mg of CBD oil for every 10lbs. If you have just began your cat on CBD oil, it's advisable to begin with a smaller dose and increase it with time. The 1-5 mg dosage allows you to adjust the dosage accordingly to meet your cat's needs. Things to consider are the cat's activity level and excess weight. Older, even more frail cats, for instance, might benefit from higher dosages to greatly help them cope with the negative effects of old age. The variety of CBD and hemp oil items, and the limited regulation of the products, is a concern for health care professionals , based on the study. No rigorous safety studies have already been done on "full spectrum" CBD oils, which contain a variety of compounds within the hemp plant, not merely CBD. The variability of state laws regarding production and distribution of hemp and CBD products adds to the complexity of decision-making for consumers and physicians.

Still, Lee cautions that some individuals are a lot more sensitive to the psychoactive effects of THC than others. Therefore if you want in order to avoid the head-high, it's better to stick with CBD from hemp. As many studies have shown, hemp extract has lots of benefits. One of these it moisturizes your skin, is and prevents irritation. Regarding the hemp essential oil, one cbd schweiz drop per serving of the hemp oil twice per day is adequate preferably at night before sleeping since it gives one an excellent nights rest. I make the hemp essential oil with a 90% THC concentrate while the CBD price is 75%. I send out my parcels authorized air mail, and then mark it as massage essential oil and place a tooth brush in every parcel just so as to look fine and regular. The hemp oil will cost £99 - €139 (including postage) and will come in a 10mg bottle which will last for a 2-3 month period. Sending requires from 8 to 10 days. Please mail me if you have any further queries at any stage.

A three-tablespoon serving of hemp proteins contains 8.3 grams of carbohydrates More than 60 percent of these carbohydrates, or 5.2 grams, come from fiber. Due to this, hemp protein can also be considered a low-carbohydrate food, providing just 3.1 grams of net carbs per portion. The oil acquired from the seeds of hemp can be utilized in manufacture of oil-based paints, in cooking food and also in plastics and creams. Hemp, as a dietary fiber, is a essential raw material had a need to produce ropes, canvasses and sacks. Various other general uses of hemp include its usage in some countries to strengthen cement. Hempcrete is that material used commonly in France, which includes hemp and serves as a construction materials. Moreover, hemp is used to produce such a bio composite which Mercedes uses to be able to manufacture the inner panel in some of its automobiles.

We personally follow the existing events because they unfold s regarding hemp and medical marijuana every day. I am watching as States, one after another, are recognizing the errs of earlier generations. Just how many have suffered due to the greed of a few? Make a difference, study, and find more people who are ready to openly discuss it. Enough time is now. It really is interesting to notice that the strains of cannabis that just contain a great deal of THC are the types that cause people to feel high, sleepy and disoriented.” Many users who utilize the cannabis strains which contain a high amount of CBD comment that they don't suffer the same symptoms. Actually, some claim to feel even more alert. It is because CBD is counteracting the effect of the THC on your own body, rendering those strains of cannabis fairly harmless too.

Even though the products are illegal, the Panel of Pharmacy tells News 5, "For non-licensees of the Panel, we defer to local police on how they choose to enforce the sale of CBD items." Ingredients for the PlusCBDâ„¢ Essential oil Peppermint Spray consist of: Hemp Essential oil (contains CBD), Extra Virgin Olive Oil, Peppermint Essential oil, Monk Fruit (Siraitia Grosvernorii), Silica, Monolaurin, Quillaja Saponaria, Ascorbyl Palmitate, and Alpha-Tocopherol. This is why knowing where other customers get their hemp oil is key, as they will not just have the ability to give you suggestions for higher quality oils, but also let you know who is selling them at a lesser price as well. We are examined many CBD items from different manufacturers. But more important analysis done by one of the Mayo clinic's doctors - Brent A. Bauer, M.D. A crucial worry is the dependability of the purity and dosage of CBD in items. A recent research of 84 CBD products bought online showed that more than a 25% of the products contained much less CBD than labeled. Furthermore, illegal concentration of THC was found in 20% of tested items.

Cons: To be effective, products probably need to have a whole lot of CBD-which could make them expensive, Backes says. For instance, Hemp Backyard in Manhattan sells a topical called Full Spectrum that has 500 mg of CBD per 4 ounces for $50. Another company, PlusCBD Essential oil, sells its Extra Power topical in a smaller sized but still concentrated dose of just one 1.3 ounces which has 100 mg of CBD for $52. The company sells a much less concentrated version for $32. Remember that ratio I simply mentioned above, about the 3:1 ratio? It just so happens that hemp seed oil has the ideal ratio of essential fatty acids, with three times as much Omega-6 as Omega-3. This can help bring one back to the standard balance and drastically decrease the risk of many diseases, while experiencing increases in energy, happiness, focus, and purpose.

Hemp oil works well for mental health issues for many people. Stress is the underlying cause of anxiousness and depression. Hemp essential oil improves disposition swings by reacting with the receptor in the human brain. When you consider this oil, the cannabinoid in CBD enters the bloodstream and react with the endocannabinoid program. It releases even more endocannabinoids and hormones that calm down your brain. For over the last 12,000 years roughly, the hemp has been cultivated for dietary fiber, textiles, paper, and food. Because of its importance to make sails, the term "canvas" provides its origin from "cannabis". It had been also used to make the ropes for the ships. In another 20 or 30 years, cannabis items may be administered more often than traditional pain-relieving medicines. Then people will not be so addicted to dangerous pharmaceutical medications like oxycodone. If this will happen, we can thank CBD oil manufacturers for starting the development in the first place. If it weren't for these CBD oil products, then the public may hardly ever realize the true power of cannabis and its own dozens of cannabinoids.

Yes it can go bad - all of the food can. It is important to buy premium quality hemp essential oil, to store awesome and also to avoid high temperatures when preparing dishes. Temps above 150 degrees celsius will cause damage to structure of the oil. From breakfast you are eating foods that prevent disease and have strengthening results on your body. In addition but there are foods that keep heart attracts away. To regulate how much hemp protein powder you should consider, you need to know how much total proteins you should be consuming on a daily basis. The Institute of Medicine's recommendation is that ladies consume 46 grams of protein each day and guys consume 56 grams. If you are active, your proteins needs could be higher. According to sports nutritionist Nancy Clark, active adults need 0.4 to 0.6 gram of proteins per pound of bodyweight, and adults seeking to build muscle mass need 0.6 to 0.9 gram of proteins per pound.

That is an oil you should certainly pay attention to, particularly guys. It can be your best friend regarding fighting aging the prostate. But that isn't all - pumpkin oil lowers cholesterol, saves arteries from atherosclerosis, suppresses hair loss and nails breakage, improves skin quality and greatly neutralizes ugly age areas. Pumpkin oil is wonderful for the treatment of inflammation of tummy cbdbro.ch/cbd-oel-ein-helfer-ohne-rausch/ and entrails, enhances renal function and detoxifies your whole body. It contains large amounts of selenium, which along with positive effects on heart and bloodstream concentration, flow and helps memory. Remember to have one tsp once-twice every day. There are so benefits to hemp, food, clothes, household products. When I'm in England it really is so easy to find food products on the supermarket shelf however, not here, unfortunately. I think that will change soon.

There are many different styles that Hemp Oils can be found in. Gummies, Capsules, Oils, And SKIN MEDICATIONS. Typically, Topical creams work best when applied for back discomfort. The hemp oil is mixed jointly in the formulation of an ointment or cream which can be applied right to the location of discomfort. Including a hemp oil to take orally like a health supplement can support the bodies' inclusive wellness and offer some reduction from discomfort. Due to its low carbohydrate and sugar content, hemp oil is can be a great meals additive for diabetics. The nutrition present in it can help moderate blood sugar. Typically, CBD oil is administered through tinctures. The packaging works well, and you can put a few drops in the mouth directly. Should you have a fussy pup that won't have medications, you can always combine it with meals or treats. However, direct administration of the oil is always better.

CBD Essential oil from Hemp is legal in every 50 states. Although there is normally some disagreement between full plant extract and cbd's one thing is agreed Hemp, on and it's cousin Marijuana, both contain degrees of cbd. Until complete extract is normally legal in all 50 states we are able to ship cbd essential oil in america legally right to your door. The product is known to help in providing health advantages to your body so that you can lead a healthy life. It is utilized to heal your skin layer so that you can recognize a much better looking skin. It is claimed to trigger no unwanted effects on you which makes it safe for everybody. Cannabis firm MassRoots describes full-spectrum and isolate as two different kinds of pasta sauce. While full-spectrum essential oil contains tomatoes, mushrooms, meat, and the functions, an isolate oil would just be manufactured from tomatoes. But before cannabis industry figures out a way to define what "full-spectrum" really means, there's little regulation guaranteeing that the merchandise you're going to consume has a lot more than simply THC or CBD in it.

#CBD WIRKUNG

0 notes

onlyangcll · 5 years

Note

answer all of those questions

okay im gonna do it

1. coffee mugs, teacups, wine glasses, water bottles, or soda cans?

water bottle

2. chocolate bars or lollipops?

chocolate bars

3. bubblegum or cotton candy?

cotton candy

4. how did your elementary school teachers describe you?

uh as smart and kind when in reality i never knew what the fuck was happening

5. do you prefer to drink soda from soda cans, soda bottles, plastic cups, or glass cups?

soda bottles

6. pastel, boho, tomboy, preppy, goth, grunge, formal or sportswear?

can i wear pajamas

7. earbuds or headphones?

earbuds

8. movies or tv shows?

tv shows

9. favorite smell in the summer?

the smell after it rains

10. game you were best at in p.e.?

if you though that i ever participated in p.e. in any point of my life ur funny

11. what do you have for breakfast on an average day?

i dont eat breakfast on an average day oop

12. name of your favorite playlist?

u already know blue gang babeys even though it scares me a bit

13. lanyard or key ring?

lanyard

14. favorite non-chocolate candy?

sour worms

15. favorite book you read as a school assignment?

either secret life of bees or fucking of mice and men FUCK

16. most comfortable position to sit in?

i would prefer laying on the floor tbh

17. most frequently worn pair of shoes?

u already know my air force 1′s babey

18. ideal weather?

crisp fall day where its under 60 degrees

19. sleeping position?

usually just laying on my side

20. preferred place to write (i.e., in a note book, on your laptop, sketchpad, post-it notes, etc.)?

i’ve been writing in my journal a lot to vent so i guess there bc i dont rlly write other than that

21. obsession from childhood?

hannah montana

22. role model?

my mommy she is amazing

23. strange habits?

idk i bite my nails i dont rlly have that many weird habits

24. favorite crystal?

bruh when i was younger i had this whole crystal obsession and i love amethyst and it is my birthstone

25. what is the first song you remember hearing?

chasing cars

26. favorite activity to do in warm weather?

go to the beach which i have only done once this summer because i had a major fucking breakdown after going and it made me not want to go for a while

27. favorite activity to do in cold weather?

not going outside oop legit just staying inside and watching netflix im a loser

28. five songs to describe you?

i am too lazy to find 5 songs to describe me can i just put yeah! by usher

29. best way to bond with you?

show me pictures of literally any of your animals and i will cry

30. places that you find sacred?

what is this even supposed to mean im confused

31. what outfit do you wear to kick ass and take names?

another question im confused by i will wear sweatpants and a t shirt

32. top five favorite vines?

- lets go to the beach each... ninki minjaj

- godzilla seems like a nice man i, i just wanna take him to red robin

- road work ahead... uh yeah i sure hope it does

- you spilt lipstick in my valentino white bag????

- look at all those chickens!

33. most used phrase in your phone?

me going “oop”

34. advertisements you have stuck in your head?

idk i dont watch much tv or anything to get them stuck but i constantly have pewdiepie’s tuber simulator ad at the end of his videos in a loop in my head

35. average time you fall asleep?

it can be anywhere between 11-7 am

36. what is the first meme you remember ever seeing?

uhhh idk probably like a minecraft meme or something i have pea sized brain i dont recall

37. suitcase or duffel bag?

duffel bag

38. lemonade or tea?

lemonade babey

39. lemon cake or lemon meringue pie?

lemon cake

40. weirdest thing to ever happen at your school?

... pen stabbing

41. last person you texted?

audrey?? maybe idk

42. jackets pockets or pants pockets?

pants pockets are weak always jackets pockets

43. hoodie, leather jacket, cardigan, jean jacket, or bomber jacket?

i LIVE in my jean jacket during fall and winter so i would say that

44. favorite scent for soap?

i am a whore for anything vanilla scented

45. which genre: sci-fi, fantasy or superhero?

fantasy

46. most comfortable outfit to sleep in?

i’d say a hoodie and sweats

47. favorite type of cheese?

CHEDDAR

48. if you were a fruit, what kind would you be?

watermelon

49. what saying or quote do you live by?

i heard this on a tv show once and it b cheesy as fuck but i love it

“everyone you meet is fighting a battle you know nothing about. be kind. always.”

50. what made you laugh the hardest you ever had?

if im being completely tbh i dont think i have ever laughed as hard as i did after anything cat said on the phone the other day

51. current stresses?

everyone in the groupchat has me stressing ab my future

52. favorite font?

i dont fucking know????? times roman point size 12 double spaced - mrs. christina

53. what is the current state of your hands?

they are pretty freaking cold

54. what did you learn from your first job?

i learned how to fold t shirts properly and to always be scared of men

55. favorite fairy tale?

the little mermaid

56. favorite tradition?

uhh idk anything involving christmas

57. the three biggest struggles you’ve overcome?

- getting clean from self harm

- coming to the conclusion my dad won’t be there for me

- that i can’t control everything in my life which i still b working on

58. four talents your proud of having?

- i can paint pretty well

- makeup

- kind of can dance

- i cant think of a fourth oop

59. if you were a video game character, what would your catchphrase be?

skskkskskskskskks and i oop!

60. if you were a character in an anime, what kind of anime would you want it to be?

never have i watched anime

61. favorite line you heard from a book/movie/tv show/etc.?

shut up about the sun. SHUT UP ABOUT THE SUN

62. seven characters you relate to?

this takes too long all i can say is i relate to stiles stillinski on a different level

63. five songs that you would play in your club?

can this stop making me list things i dont have the fucking patience i would play hotel room service by pitt bull and thats it

64. favorite website from your childhood?

animal jam was my shit

65. any permanent scars?

well the thing is yes the thing is i would rather not speak of them

66. favorite flower(s)?

sunflowers

67. good luck charms?

i dont rlly have any

68. worst flavor of any food or drink you’ve ever tried?

i tried these dill pickle flavored chips and wanted to vomit

69. a fun fact that you don’t know how you learned?

i don’t know many fun facts i small brained

70. left or right handed?

right handed

71. least favorite pattern?

i dont rlly dislike any patterns

72. worst subject?

math

73. favorite weird flavor combo?

i will eat almost anything with hot sauce so i guess that

74. at what pain level out of ten (1 through 10) do you have to be at before you take an advil or ibuprofen?

at least a 5 or a 6

75. when did you lose your first tooth?

when i was 6

76. what’s your favorite potato food (i.e. tater tots, baked potatoes, fries, chips, etc.)?

french fries

77. best plant to grow on a windowsill?

i had cacti for like 2 years but they died,, may they rest in peace

78. coffee from a gas station or sushi from a grocery store?

considering i don’t eat sushi or any kind of fish i would have to go with coffee

79. which looks better, your school id photo or your driver’s license photo?

i don’t have a license so i guess school ID

80. earth tones or jewel tones?

jewel tones

81. fireflies or lightning bugs?

fireflies

82. pc or console?

83. writing or drawing?

drawing

84. podcasts or talk radio?

podcasts

85. fairy tales or mythology?

i am a whore for mythology

86. cookies or cupcakes?

87. your greatest fear?

bugs

88. your greatest wish?

to be a fucking cowboy

89. who would you put before everyone else?

i think u already know the answer to that

90. luckiest mistake?

my mistakes don’t end up lucky

91. boxes or bags?

boxes

92. lamps, overhead lights, sunlight or fairy lights?

christmas lights but all year long

93. nicknames?

jill, jilly bean, jillie, jilly pops (that one is cat), beans, dumb bitch

94. favorite season

FALL BABEY

95. favorite app on your phone?

instagram probably

96. desktop background?

considering this is not my computer,, it is just default

97. how many phone numbers do you have memorized?

i have one memorized and it is mine

98. favorite historical era?

i like the one with the dinosaurs

0 notes

blasianangrymom · 6 years

Text

My Birth Story

What does love look like: My Birth Story

Uncomfortable, scared pregnancy = Uncomfortable, scared birth.

THE SHITTY BIG-ASS PREAMBLE, AKA Apparently I am incapable of writing a linear narrative.

I had a “strata” at church made of cheese, hamburger, and breadcrumbs. This was the birthing cocktail I needed, apparently. I had a ton of loose stools, just like last time with the birth of my first child, around 12 pm when I returned. Like last time I kept wondering: Is it early labor? Is it cheese? Is it both? I have a way, a knack of alienating Western? Polite? Civilized? people with my love/non-fear of discussing the body. Foreshadowing the momentous coming of our second child, reminded by our best man Jeff at the wedding, that I introduced this knack to my future husband the first night we met by showing him my foot corn (According to Jeff who introduced us, Jasen’s response was of compassion). I’d not kept it 50% then in matters of body, and the thing about birth is, especially home birth, you have no choice but to keep it 100%-120%. So a big memory for this birth is shitting all over the place. On the couch, on the way to the bathroom, perhaps a little bit made it into the toilet?

Everything’s a blur, but I do remember this birth being more painful than my first. Samuel has a bigger body than Ruby (though she had a larger head). I had also alienated by kind stay at home white-guy-writer-dad-neighbor Jeff, because the last month of pregnancy I was so damned hot and uncomfortable — the day Sam was born it was about 90 degrees (which is anathema to any typical Seattleite and I’ve been one since my birth in the mid-80’s)—I would lay in bed, pregnant as all hell, naked in our room which is adjacent to neighbor Jeff’s house separated only by a few feet, a chain link fence barely plastered with sparsely lined trees. In my mind, he was an innocent white guy enjoying the side of his house, walking and whistling as he might, then the sight of my distended-bellied, uncomfortable naked body splayed out right next door made him uncomfortable. You might note that I didn’t exactly intentionally do this, but we are cash-poor and lazy with completely ineffectual heavy blinds that are perpetually hanging halfway open, the cord tangled on one side, the other cord half-cocked—it’s a damn mess.

Anyhow, I think we both noticed each other, him uncomfortable with my naked pregnant (Asian? does that factor in?) female body, me uncomfortable with being caught naked by my neighbor or uncomfortable with his uncomfortableness.

All this is to say, WHAT DOES LOVE LOOK LIKE?

My patient Jasen wiped my shit-pouring ass without hesitation. Be it the garbanzo beans I’d had just before I was sure it was labor-labor and not pre, that is “false” labor, or leftover strata hanging out in my gut even after the 12 pm loose poops.

Love looks like

Jasen wiping my bottom and throwing away the pee pee pad.

Wayne, Carol, Caryn, Cate, Ed, Mom, and Dad watching Ruby while Jasen rushed home to fill the tub.

Dana and Melissa telling me via my confused post-12 pm-poops to call Midwife Jenn.

Midwife Jenn and her husband Don ditching their anniversary plans to see the terra cotta warriors to go home and be on standby for labor. Of course it was their anniversary; last birth was my midwife’s son’s birthday, the only day she took off all year, and also Thanksgiving. I make auspicious children.

Jasen fighting me tooth and nail (“you’ll take control of house organization out of my cold, dead hands”) to work against my scattered frugal instinct to make the clean, organized house of my dreams. This is still a work in progress, naturally (it’s out of my cold, dead hands).

Brandi, supporting and videoing and being present for the birth.

Ben sacrificing his pay so we could have more.

Alice with her surreptitious gardening and then being able to watch Ruby, looking for castor oil in my disorganized ass house while I just laid my fat naked ass on the couch, purchasing a curtain rod to protect Ruby from her playful self, and a sustained hunt for apricot juice.

Nate being available to watch Ruby

Vicki bringing delicious food when I was starving.

Emily, Charles, and Michaela making pre-celebratory beer with me for Samuel’s arrival.

Jess, Porter, Harper, Etta, and Patrick watching Ruby during the birth and being willing to watching her overnight.

Alpha insurance broker from heaven!

In summary, an army of love for a successful birth.

And, Melissa. Dear Melissa. You set up the birthing tub with Jasen, gently chastised Jasen to go be with me when he was not, and carefully took down the tub—full of poo, blood, baby-birthing-juices, it was tinged red with floating debris, ah, the floating debris. By the finally pushes I was definitely disturbed by said floaties in the tub—based on Ruby’s birth, I thought there wouldn’t be shit, but following a pregnancy of weird shits, and a new baby with weird shits (i.e. poop remnants and shirts galore), it is not a surprise.

IMMANUEL

STRATA. Uncomfortable as fuck. Moving from pews to the back of the church with carpeted stairs. Pastor asked if baby dropped, she could tell the baby’s position had changed. Whoops, we couldn’t tell.

LOTS of uncertainty. For weeks, I’d been thinking, it’s gonna happen early, it’s gonna happen, I have uncomfortable contraction-like feelings, but they go nowhere, we wake up, no baby, womp womp. So what was to make this day any different?

hottest day on record

Jenn and Don’s anniversary

friend Beth’s daughter Evie’s birthday

two days before due date.

3) After much consternation looking for apricot juice (Alice tried PCC, nope), we had a lemon verbena, castor oil German-midwife-induction-cocktail ready to go and I was trying to decide what was more auspicious day to coax my baby into existence—6/27 or 6/28, but we didn’t need it, huzzah!

4) On the one hand, the birth was harder, scarier, uncomfy, I was more tired (from taking care of Ruby). On the other, we were MORE PREPARED THAN EVARR.

A) Therapy

B) Supplements-nutrition-visiting the doctor

C) Acupuncture

D) Birthing class, though we were snooty about it—I was sad for our culture begetting scared women afraid of their bodies, Jasen was snooty about our first birth.

E) Talk to peers

F) Talk to Ruby. A LOT. Like every night.

G) Relationship class

H) Total Pelvic Recall

Massage. Vag therapy advice + masmassage

Based on our most trying year and a half, mine personally and also as a couple with a post partum mood explosion of some sort, a tots-mama-meltdown, I needed to ensure this time around, that the insanity, post-insanity HAZE of Year One and a half and Two of Child One was not repeated or at least not as devastatingly so, this time around. So far, result has been successful.

This time: our finances are less stable

we are delinquent on rent

we were fighting about the tub. the $250 tub (my vag, not yours, homie).

we almost lost our insurance.

we almost had our water shut off.

an anonymous donor stepped in and helped-they covered the global midwifery fee, the tub, all of it. Ho-ly-shit.

I didn’t do my kegels as much-first, benign neglect, second, on purpose (on advice of my white Vag lady).

my goal of Sammy not fucking up my periurethral area: MET!

birthtub: MET!

confronting J with my shit (though not in the tub): MET!

I am one lucky lady + my children + hubby are lucky motherfuckers.

I was nervous that the coochie pads weren’t made—we had several, but not many—didn’t need ‘em!

We are at 6.4 weeks, and my vag + bod, other than being too hot and too stinky, are feeling on the up and up.

GOD BLESS IT. GOD BLESS ALL THE LOVES. IT ALWAYS WORKS OUT. Out of $? My mom shows up with $20. The credit card. (Countless) people feed us. People are patient. People understand.

*The End*

0 notes