#from here on out it becomes true despair

[violetrainbow412-blog]

Decoy [S. R.]

Spencer Reid x fem!reader

word count: 6.9k

summary: when you go after an unsub who catches students making out, the unit is called upon to resort to desperate measures. Or in other words, where you and Spencer become the decoy to catch a voyeur.

warnings: +16. Making out, mentions of alcohol, mentions of violence, insinuation of smut, sexual tension

Do yourself a favor and imagine Spencer in these clothes during the case

You sighed, completely frustrated, while you looked for the thousandth time at the blackboard with some information from the profile that you had made for the criminal in this case.

You believed that the unsub was a Caucasian man between 30 and 35 years old, whose motive was to spy on and photograph university students who were escaping in their cars to make out at night, then force them to have sex in front of him and finally kill them cold-blooded. You imagined that he was a person with a mediocre job, that he felt insufficient, and that his voyeuristic behavior probably came from sexual frustration, something that could be corroborated by the violence that he inflicted on the genital area of the students whom he stalked using a knife, his mark on all homicides. You also believed that perhaps the rejection or abandonment of his last partner (preceded by a bad streak from his youth) due to his impotence had been the triggering event for all his repressed impulses to come to light.

All the psychological analysis was fine, it wasn't something you hadn't seen before, but the hard part of all this? Because he only threatened and killed people, he didn't rape them, at first it was almost impossible to tell who it was. He already had 20 victims in total and you weren't even close to catching him. In the last scene he had made the mistake of leaving a fingerprint and Garcia had been able to trace his true identity: Oliver Davis, a guy who fits the description perfectly. Unfortunately, this turned out to be useless because beyond the accusations of being a pervert, the man didn’t have much information that would give a clue to his whereabouts, you had even called the job that he had registered and all you had obtained was that he had several months without working there, which coincided with the beginning of the murders. After that Rossi suggested that he probably lived in a trailer (old, due to his lack of employment) where he developed the photographs and kept his trophies. That only made more sense when you thought that it would make it easier to transport or escape in case things got messy.

But words on paper and intelligent conclusions were of absolutely no use to you. You needed a plan to catch him.

"Do you have something, Reid?" Hotch had asked. You had already interviewed some students, you had set up guard duty to look for any suspicious behavior and you had even shared the photograph of the suspect in the media, but nothing had worked; The only thing left was to carry out the geographical profile to know the area in which he was attacking and thus be able to search for possible targets.

“I triangulated the locations we have of his previous homicides and I'm guessing he hits in this specific area,” he muttered, pointing to a space on the map he had on his blackboard with his middle finger. “Considering it's an area frequented by the age group due to its proximity to the universities and that it has several parks that the students told us they use to drink or go out as a couple”

"So what?" Morgan said from his spot. "We just wait until he kills someone else and hopefully we're near the scene to hear the screams?"

“Maybe we can ask the cops to patrol the area for the unsub's car,” JJ suggested.

“He's smart, there's a trailer park right here. It wouldn't be strange to find one on the streets as well.” Reid was visibly frustrated like everyone else and he ran a hand through his hair with some despair.

Your options were running out and frankly you couldn't think of anything else.

“And if we give him a target?” Emily murmured. Noticing that none of you said anything, she went on to explain her plan, “We ask police officers to send any young people they see around to home so we force our unsub to get close to who we want”

"And what are we going to do? Hire a couple of college kids to stalk them?”

“We can use our own team”

"Not to offend you, Prentiss, but we are no longer in the prime of youth"

"We don't, but Y/L/N and Reid do" when you heard your last name you were surprised, but when you heard your friend's you practically froze. First you looked at her and then at the doctor, whose gaze reflected the same stupefaction as you "You two are young, you might look like students"

"Are you saying you want to send us straight into the hands of a sexual predator?" you couldn't be offended, after all, those risks were part of the job, but you did feel somewhat reluctant about the idea.

“Do you have a better suggestion?”

“It doesn't sound so bad” Rossi murmured “It's a smart move”

“Besides, we would be watching around and we would intervene before that madman got close to you. Once we catch him, the photographs and personal items that he probably has in his trailer will be enough evidence, in addition to the fingerprint from the last crime scene” to your surprise, Derek was also pretty convinced of the plan that Emily had just devised.

"Reid, Y/L/N, would you guys be up for it?" Hotch exclaimed with his usual serious tone, looking at you and then at your partner.

Thinking objectively, the suggestion was very good. But thinking about it personally, you felt worried about the danger you two would be running into… oh, God. It wasn't until then that you realized that the plan to catch the suspect involved the two of you making out like a couple of hormonal college kids. 

You knew that the options that remained wouldn’t be as opportune as that and taking into account the temporary nature with which Oliver operated, in addition to the fact that he was already deteriorating as a murderer, it was most likely that he was already looking for new victims, so if you did that same night the chances of success were quite high. You were between a rock and a hard place and all you could do was look at him while the gazes of the rest of the room were divided between the two of you.

“I… I'll only do it if you say yes” you exclaimed in his direction, with a cautious voice and a fearful look. You knew your friend and you didn't want to make him feel uncomfortable in any way, even though you knew that both you and he knew that your personal interests would take precedence against the possibility that another couple of victims would lose their lives if you refused. It was your job, you had to do it. 

"Are you sure you guys are going to catch him before something happens?" Spencer asked your boss. You thought that with his background the last thing he wanted was to end up kidnapped or seriously injured again, even though the truth was that he was caring just as much about himself as he was about you. He had seen the photographs and knew that women were the most affected by the murder weapon… he didn't even want to imagine something like this happening to you.

"Of course. You will have communication with us and if something goes wrong we will get you out of there immediately" Aaron answered and your friend sighed nervously and then looked for your approval. You nodded slightly and he delivered the verdict, to which everyone agreed.

He was still standing, but after that he slumped into the nearest chair as he listened to everyone brainstorming ideas for setting up the scene, distributing the crew, and what they would tell the local police to do to make the decoy effective.

At some point you lost the whole point of the conversation, to start thinking about what was implied by what you were about to do.

The feeling of attraction for your co-worker had been latent in you for a couple of years, but you had never confessed it to anyone to avoid creating tension in the team or suffering the humiliation of certain rejection. Also, you knew that a crush meant distractions from what was truly important and you had tried, in vain, to eliminate it completely. But even if it hadn't completely gone, you had known how to control it, only allowing yourself to look at him with loving eyes from time to time and avoiding being too confident with him during group drinking outings. You even limited physical contact, not because you didn't like it but because you knew your greed would demand more and more of you until it became inevitable to beg for his touch. But now all that good work holding you back was screwed because in a few hours you would have to be passionately making out with him.

Still with the internal crisis, you raised your head to look at him and realized that he too had been submerged in his own tide of thoughts, which you hoped would be more positive than yours. At some point Spencer felt you watching him and when his eyes met yours he gave you that tight-lipped smile that was strangely comforting, to which you responded with the same gesture. After that it didn't take long for everyone to leave the room to fulfill their respective tasks, but you stayed seated because you honestly didn't feel enough energy to move. Besides, you had nothing entrusted to you, you were the bait.

"Hey, are you sure you're okay with this?" Spencer asked you, once everyone else had left. He looked so tired of everything, but at the same time there was a kind tone in his voice about him that made you smile.

“It's just kissing, Spence. I think we'll be fine" you assured him, trying to swallow all your embarrassment and nerves "And you?"

"I agree. I just hope we get lucky today or we'll just have to keep trying” 

"Reid, I need you to tell the cops what area we'll be in," Hotch interrupted you from the door. "You still have time to regret it," he added, looking at the two of you.

You immediately denied and after that Spencer withdrew from there in the company of Aaron. When you were about to drop you exhaled, completely concerned about the last thing your partner had said.

We will just have to keep trying. You didn't know if the idea excited you, or terrified you.

As night fell, Spencer drove the old pickup truck the unit had managed to rent for the two of you to drive into the park, with you in the passenger seat and a six-pack of beer in the backseat.

Although you were sure that it would be cold, you had decided to wear shorts and a button-down shirt that you normally wore for work, but that you had adjusted to make it look more youthful. Spencer was wearing an outfit that Morgan had gotten for him from a department store, simple jeans with a rather baggy cotton shirt and some nice boots that you didn't know where he got from, since in Quantico you had never seen him wear anything like that.

Both of you had showered at the hotel (separately of course) and you had made sure to brush your teeth and put on a good amount of deodorant and perfume before getting in the car. You had paid special attention to your appearance, not because it was necessary, but because you wanted to look perfect for him. Even with all this, you were a nervous wreck next to him, not saying a word along the way and only soft music from the radio filling the air.

When you stopped, the two of you put your headphones on to the channel the team was supposed to be on, and Morgan answered in the affirmative.

"Remember, he doesn't have to see the communicator or your weapon," Rossi spoke, who was also in the van, along with Prentiss and Hotch. "García will be watching with the security cameras and he will warn us if the trailer is coming"

"And meanwhile what do we do?"

"Pretend to be a couple, sit on the tailgate and drink beer, laugh, I don't know"

“Did you ever run away like that in college?” you asked, directly at Reid.

“Do you remember that I was like 16 when I studied at the university, right? I wasn't even old enough to drive, much less a car" he muttered and you gave a short laugh "I guess you did"

“I was too busy being the best in the institution to even think about going out and making out with idiots,” you replied, proud of yourself for that. “I mean, it's not like you're an idiot, but they were. You're very smart," you rambled, still twiddling your fingers, "Hotch, you guys will tell us when we're going to start kissing, will you?"

“When the suspect approaches, yes”

"Okay, well... then we have to go out, huh?" you muttered to him as you reached for the beers and tried to open the door to get out. You turned, expecting to see Spencer do the same as you, but noticed that he had lingered in the car for a moment, checking himself in the mirror and applying his lips with chapstick.

My God, could that man make you more nervous?

When he finally caught up with you, you went to the back of the pickup, where you opened the tailgate to sit down with a little hop. Spencer was tall enough to keep up with you just by leaning over the edge, where you watched him cross his arms. You were silent for a few moments, listening to the sound of crickets and cars in the distance.

"Do you think it's a good idea to drink?"

"Only a little. I'm having a hard time thinking while sober, I don't want to ruin the little reasoning I have left” you exclaimed as a joke. Or maybe you weren't joking so much "Just empty a couple of cans and leave them on the floor so he'll think we're really drunk." Spencer was about to do what you said when you noticed an important detail and called him over to look at you "Come here, let me fix your hair."

"What's wrong with my hair?"

"You're very well combed, it's not the image we expect" you carefully took his hand until it was close enough to pass the other through all his golden locks, messing them up enough to give him that relaxed touch that he should have. He looked so handsome, but not in the style of a fancy FBI agent but just like a young intellectual who went to parties and smoked weed “Like this. Perfect"

“Do you think we have to think of some backstory?” he asked and you looked at him with a frown. “You know, something about us. What degree are we studying, what are our names…”

"This is not a play"

"It's rude to eavesdrop on conversations, Prentiss," you said visibly annoyed, although looking at your partner that expression softened "As you wish, Spencer. Although being honest, I would say that you study… literature”

"Really?" he exclaimed with slight enthusiasm. You knew that his mother had been a teacher in the subject and you wondered if he had ever considered it.

“Morgan wasn’t wrong to choose those clothes for you. It suits you” you complimented him and Morgan whistled from the other end of the line. You felt like you were having too much fun for the situation you were in, but you needed to talk about something else to put off the reminder of what you had come to do for as long as possible. “I think you would have that hopeless philosopher/romantic vibe who flirts by whispering memorized poetry in your ear.”

“I actually know some good ones”

"Sure you do" you smiled gently, suppressing the thought of him sighing close to your neck at Bécquer "I'd probably study science or something."

"The unattainable scientist with whom the captain of the soccer team has a secret crush, but she is completely unaware"

"Where did you get that? From a 90s movie?

Spencer's laugh was one of your favorite sounds and today that was precisely not helping your situation. You felt intoxicated by how handsome he looked, like you'd discovered a side to him that no one else had, and the thought of kissing him made you tremble a little with anticipation.

“Do you want to share a beer?” he murmured, carefully opening the can and offering it to you first. You knew your partner wasn't the most enthusiastic about doing anything that involved germs, so it made you feel good that he took the lead. You took a big gulp of the drink to gather something of value and when it was his turn to drink he kept looking at you intently, you would even say that he seemed entranced.

You had made sure you were in a strategic position, with enough light for the unsub to see you and quite lonely, except for the patrol cars and the van that had been positioned at a safe distance.

“How does voyeurism develop?” you asked quietly, with genuine interest, as you shifted a bit to get closer to him.

“Voyeurism usually begins in adolescence and since during that age it is usually seen with greater tolerance, there are people who continue with these behaviors until adulthood. When voyeurism is pathological, they spend considerable time looking for opportunities to watch, often at the expense of not fulfilling important responsibilities in their lives, and people reach orgasm by masturbating during or after watching. Although if you think about it a bit, everyone is a bit of a voyeur."

"Why you said so?"

“Many men and women enjoy viewing pornography, which can be classified as voyeuristic behavior. It's not a worrying thing, but it's interesting to think about it” he explained, with those expressions on his face that he had every time he shared knowledge with you. He liked that about you, that you were always willing to listen to his data and statistics even at the most inopportune moments.

"I'm still a little scared that Oliver is trying to do something to us."

“I have my gun. If he tries to do something to you, I'll use it" you knew that killing the unsub was always the last option Reid considered, so you widened your eyes a little to show your surprise "All lives are worth, but when that life has already taken so many and it puts you at risk, I would not doubt it. You have nothing to worry about” he assured you and your heart warmed a little at feeling so protected.

"Do you know if Oliver attacks at a specific time?"

"No, he doesn’t. Just as we can be here for ten minutes, we can also be here all night."

You exhaled loudly, before taking another gulp of beer.

“Drink some, boy. I feel kind of selfish around here."

"I am nervous"

"And why do you think I'm drinking?" you exclaimed wryly, still holding out the can to him, and when he finally agreed he drank a little more than you expected “Have you ever…” you started to say, but suddenly remembered that literally the whole team was listening to you. If the answer was embarrassing, you didn't want to hear Morgan and Emily taunting you all week, so you covered your microphone for a moment and spoke again, but so quietly that only he could hear you. "I suppose you kissed someone, did you?"

"Yes," he said quickly and you sighed with relief. It comforted you a little to know that it wasn't his first kiss, because you didn't want him to have such a bad memory “Do I look so inexperienced?"

"No, that's not what I meant" you smiled "You're handsome, I know you've probably kissed a couple of girls"

"You don't need to tell lies, you know I'll kiss you anyway"

"But it's not a lie. I really think you're handsome" you confessed, gathering all the courage in you, while you smiled at him in the most serene way possible "And if we weren't literally waiting for a murderer, you know I'd be happy to do this with you"

"Smooch me?"

"Having this bad date attempt, Reid," you hissed, flushing red, as you slammed your palm into his forehead with just a little bit of force. Spencer seemed quite pleased that he made you nervous, rather than the other way around, so he grinned, “Though I think we should have brought food. I'm starving,” you pouted, swinging your dangling legs back and forth.

"That's not a picnic, Y/N"

You hated for a second that everyone was so intent on the conversation. A part of you wanted a moment alone with the brunette, even if it was in the midst of such a strange situation.

You began to talk pleasantly about things completely unrelated to the case for a couple of minutes, staying where you were, until Hotch's interruption made you jump a bit in place.

"Garcia intercepted an approaching trailer, get ready” your heart immediately sped up and you noticed him tense beside you, too, probably with the same thought flooding his head.

"Okay, come closer," you exclaimed, trying not to panic, as you spread your legs a little to allow the man to step into the space between. He wasted no time and just as you wrapped your hands around his shoulders you heard the sound of another car pulling up.

"Is that our unsub?"

"It is"

You were about to turn your head to peek when Reid grabbed your cheek and stopped you.

"He's smart. If you look at him, he'll realize it” he reminded you with a serious voice. You were so worried about everything that you were forgetting about your training “Okay, so I… Is it okay if I put my hands here?” he asked with a different tone, nervously placing both hands on your waist. You had always admired the size and anatomy of those hands, but until now you had not had the pleasure of feeling them on your body in this way.

“Tonight everything you do is fine. I promise"

"It would be a good time to start, he'll see you" Emily reminded you and you could only sigh shakily.

You two were adults, why were you so scared about kissing?

"Close your eyes" Spencer whispered to you, masking his nerves better than you "I'll kiss you, just close them," he asked you and you did.

You felt his body lean against you a little until his chest almost touched yours and then his lips shakily pressed against yours. You would always remember your first kiss, which in essence was such a brief caress that you didn't even know if it could be counted as one, the one where he wordlessly asked your permission to explore your mouth. Still with your eyes closed, you pulled him by the neck towards you and started a new kiss, a little more confident and deep this time, allowing you to savor the beer mixed with strawberries and that strange flavor that each person has.

“We…” you started to say, once you separated “you have to do it slowly, what he wants is a show” you exclaimed. Spencer felt unable to say any words and your hands caressing him so deliciously wasn't helping at all “Slow,” you repeated.

You arched your back a little to get even closer and when you finally looked up you met his caramel eyes. You needed a moment to recover and you unconsciously licked your lips, as if you needed to pick up and savor his presence in your mouth again, something that didn’t go unnoticed by his attentive look at your movements. 

It didn't take long for you to give up, as beginning the third kiss you felt that you no longer had any control over your body, your heart, or your mind. And while it was true that neither of you were experts on the subject, you guys managed pretty well as the seconds ticked by. Spencer gasped as he simultaneously felt you pull the hair from his neck and caress his lips with the tip of your tongue, while you were taken by surprise when his hands left your waist and lowered to the height of your hip, where his thumbs gripped firmly on the clip of your shorts.

There was a kiss, then another and another; they became too many to count. You didn't want to touch him anywhere and at the same time you wanted to touch him completely, in the grip of the fantasy that this was real and not just a performance. And even if you were aware that it was all fake, that would probably only have encouraged you to enjoy something to the fullest that you knew would never come back. Amid everything you didn’t know which of the two situations would be worse.

The sound of your lips colliding became so obscene that you were embarrassed, but you had no plan to stop. Your hands slid gently down the length of his neck until you reached his chest and cupped the soft cotton of his garment in your fists to make sure he didn't move away from you. The heat of the moment just went up and up, but a voice on the intercom brought you back with a jolt.

“He started the trailer. He's going to go"

Spencer closed his eyes in frustration, and you sighed. From the position he was in it wasn’t possible to get around him without being seen, so keeping all his attention was on you and him.

Maybe you weren't doing it right? You wondered what the hell this man wanted to see if you were practically eating each other, but suddenly you remembered that his motivation was even more sexual than a couple of wet kisses. Maybe he was getting bored because he needed to see that you were about to… well, do it.

"Take off my shirt," you said immediately, still too close to his swollen lips and looking right into eyes that seemed to be pitch black.

"Take... what?"

"Take off my shirt" you repeated, with a tone that made the man shudder completely. With the hands that were still holding his shirt you pulled him to you and he held his breath “And kiss me better. Like you really want me"

But Spencer didn't need to pretend that he wanted you. 

He made you completely dizzy when he began to kiss you so hungrily and you managed to keep enough composure when you felt one of his warm hands travel under your blouse, limiting yourself to letting out sighs that were drowned against his lips. But what finally caused you to let out an indiscreet and unwelcome moan was when he pulled you by the hip until you were on the edge of the tailgate and you could feel the growing bulge in his pants pressing against you. Spencer had almost managed to suppress his, but in the end, you having your own situation down there didn't help one bit. 

His trembling fingers fussed with the buttons on your shirt until it ended up somewhere on the floor at incredible speed, leaving you half-naked before him and the collection of FBI agents standing around. You might have been embarrassed if your brain could connect two coherent thoughts, but you'd lost that from the moment Dr. Reid first dared to kiss you.

You carefully guided his hands to the beginning of the curve of your breasts and now you both sighed in unison, feeling goosebumps on every inch of your skin. You pushed yourself forward just for the satisfaction of hearing that guttural sound again and your prayers were immediately answered, for it was enough for him to feel the slightest friction and he would go crazy. It was inappropriate to need him like that, but you couldn't help it.

Holding your lower back, he leaned over you and at the same time pulled you towards him until your breasts collided with his chest. In that position, your neck was exposed and your partner’s hot lips didn't hesitate to go down there, while you sighed agitated just at the height of his ear. Spencer asked you, between each kiss, to look in the direction of the trailer to see if he was still there and as you could you answered yes, which was victory enough for both of you.

As he could, he maneuvered to lay you down carefully on the cold metal of the truck without stopping kissing your neck, and by inertia you wrapped both legs over his hip. When you were hidden by the panels of the pickup he finally looked at you.

"I hope it's enough to get his attention," he said, sounding as agitated as expected, and although the circumstances meant that you two would be taking a break you flatly refused, pulling him back to kiss him.

That kiss did take Spencer by surprise and it was perhaps the sincerest of the night. It wasn’t as passionate as the previous ones, but rather it was loaded with softness and you would even say that a hint of supplication. You were begging for him not to stop, for the night to get stuck in an infinite loop where the two of you could kiss for eternity. And suddenly you felt how he, who had been so tense the whole time, completely relaxed against you, as if he understood exactly what you wanted to say. His hands came to rest on the sides of your head to be able to kiss you more comfortably and you dared to take him by the waist with the same care that you were kissing him, feeling even above the cloth the softness of his skin. 

And then he broke up with you. You feared you had done something wrong due to the suddenness of the movement and your frightened eyes searched his gaze for a sign of the reason, without finding anything. He just looked at you with something you couldn't describe, but that made you feel butterflies fluttering all over your stomach... and he stayed like that for a few seconds: just looking at you, as if he wanted to memorize all your features.

You opened your mouth to say something, but your words were drowned in a new kiss, totally different from the previous ones. Spencer was taking time with him, trapping your lower lip between his and sucking on it gently, pressing himself a little more against your body, sighing heavily into your mouth.

Your hand was already running up his side to make its way to his cheek just as screams filled the silence and you hugged him reflexively. The screams had come from Morgan, who had already moved across the park to take down the unsub and was now wrestling with him to get the knife out of his hand. Spencer hesitated for a moment if he should come over to help, but he preferred to hold you better against his body to protect you and wait for Emily to place the handcuffs on the man under her partner's knee.

From a distance you saw that he only brought with him, in addition to the knife, his camera, and a small backpack with some other murderous instruments that they managed to confiscate without any problem.

"All clear, we've got him," Hotch spoke over the radio. As you exhaled in relief too many emotions washed over you, combined with the adrenaline coursing through your body and the arousal still flowing into your crotch.

"Are you okay?" Reid's gentle voice called to you, as he pulled away to check with his eyes that everything was in order. His hair was messy and his lips were so swollen that it was almost painful to look at the image without launching yourself to kiss him again "My God, your shirt..." he said, completely embarrassed, as he bent down to pick up the garment. You looked him up and down and blushed when you noticed how tight his pants were, feeling your stomach turn a little. When he got up, he took the opportunity to look at your chest covered only by the black lace bra and a big gulp of saliva went down his throat.

You thanked him quietly and put your shirt back on, feeling the sneaky glances Spencer was giving you, just before Hotch walked up to you.

"How are you?"

"Very good, excellent" you stammered.

You could perfectly feel your swollen lips, the light sheen of sweat on your face, the heat flowing from all the places Reid's fingers had been, and the abundant moisture between your crossed legs.

After Hotch congratulated you on your performance, the two of you walked as best you could toward the rest of the agents, who were already placing Oliver on patrol. Another group was analyzing the trailer and they managed to pull out enough evidence about the murders that would be very useful in prosecuting the man.

"All good?" Emily asked in your direction, once things had settled down and the rest of the team had gathered in a circle by the van. You and Spencer just nodded at the question.

“I honestly think I'm going to need therapy after what I heard,” Dave murmured, so serious that you couldn't help but burst out laughing.

"Don't you even dare make fun of this"

“No, we won't. I'm just saying you guys seemed to be enjoying it there."

"That's supposed to be the plan, right?" Spencer said nervously, finally daring to look at you and looking away almost immediately as he smoothed his hair back.

Once your boss said you could retire you escaped in a patrol car as fast as you could, wanting to get home so you could take a cold shower and soothe what wasn’t satisfied by the man. You could hardly sleep that night, still haunted by the ghost of the kisses you received from your gorgeous coworker, and the next morning you hoped that double coffee would do the trick. But apparently you weren't the only one who thought so, because at the same time that you arrived Spencer Reid crossed your path.

"Hey," he said, in that high-pitched voice that came out when someone caught him off guard, "How are you?" 

"Fine, and you?"

"Fine too"

You knew that the two of you wanted to talk about what happened, but it only took one of you to have the courage to speak first. At the same time your phones rang indicating a message and you mistakenly assumed that it was JJ contacting you to announce a case. What was your surprise when you opened the file and found a collection of photos from the night before. You knew from Spencer's face that he had received the same thing.

"Garcia did you… did she send you the same evidence?"

"That's right," he said nervously. You had to admit that if Oliver had one quality it was that of a photographer: you were sensual and perfectly captured the desire that had existed between you. Well, the one you had pretended to feel… right?

Spencer held his breath as he came to a picture of you topless in which his hand was practically on your breast, immediately remembering how that had felt. He just hoped his memories didn't affect him too much or it would be embarrassing enough to walk into the boardroom with a boner.

"They're good," you said to the air and he suppressed a laugh "But I can delete them if that makes you feel uncomfortable"

“No, no, I… I think I want to keep them too. After all, the bureau will have them in the files as evidence of the case, I prefer to have access too”

"I just hope she doesn't send them to anyone else, I wouldn't want to see my bra photos going around."

“I'll tell Garcia, don't worry,” Spencer murmured, rushing to type something on his phone.

While you waited for him to type you took another look, feeling your whole body heating up again at the memories. A part of you was grateful to have such material in your custody.

"I never thought of being the protagonist of an erotic photo session and here we are," you said ironically.

“Speaking of which…” Spencer started to say, “Not the erotic sessions by any means, don't think I'm planning on inviting you to one or that, because it would be super weird and inappropriate, but I was thinking if… huh…”

“Sell them online? I thought so too, but it depends on how much profit there is. Garcia can help us find the highest bidder and not get charged for tampering with evidence."

"What? No!" he said, completely shocked, and you laughed because you got the reaction you expected with your joke "Why would we do that?"

“Just kidding, Reid. Those photos are something I prefer to keep to myself" you clarified and your smile made him feel shy "Seriously, sorry for interrupting you. What did you want to tell me?"

"What…? huh, yes, right. It's just that this morning I was thinking about what you said yesterday, about how under normal circumstances you would have liked to have a bad date with me, right? and it just kept spinning in my head, so I was asking if you wanted to go for a drink sometime. Not like a date, of course, I'm not saying it is if you don't want to. I can just be like… well, go get a drink. As friends"

Yesterday Spencer had practically eaten your mouth and now he was nervous about asking you out. So adorable.

“You're not doing this just as compensation, are you? because you know that it is not necessary…”

“I do it because I want to. And I want to believe that… that I didn't misunderstand what happened yesterday."

You no longer even cared that it was unethical to date team members, or that if things went wrong, you would probably go into the worst of depressions. What mattered to you was that Spencer was interested in you, even if he had implied it, and that he was asking you out alone with him. Just the two of you, with fun and alcohol involved, without gossipy colleagues or mortal danger.

"Then I'd love to, Reid."

“Wow, excellent then” he smiled, feeling lucky that you agreed “I know a great bar near here, the atmosphere is generally calm, I like it because they don't play loud music. What day is right for you?"

“I'm available any day you want” you responded genuinely, grinning from ear to ear just being around him. That was the effect Reid had on you.

It was stupid to try to deny that you were still attracted to him, especially since now you had a taste of what he could do with you. You wanted to kiss him again, of course, but you were also anxious to earn that completely adoring look you'd received the night before.

“Today?”

"Yeah, why wait?" you responded, more excited than you wanted.

“Hey, I didn't ask you, but I wanted to know if I didn't go overboard with you last night. I mean… did something bother you?”

It was a smart move, you could see it clearly. It was obvious that Spencer cared about you, but you also picked up on his intentions to find out if you were interested in him too. Well, that's how it was from your perspective, because that probably would have been your motivation being in his place.

Even if it wasn't the case, you weren't going to miss the opportunity to take a little advantage of the situation.

"The kisses on the neck were something he definitely didn't expect, but they weren't unpleasant at all," you assured him, feeling your cheeks heat up again. "Did it feel good to you?"

"It did"

"So everything's perfect," you murmured, shrugging off the matter. But you both knew you couldn't see each other in the office and acted as if nothing had happened.

Something had happened. Those kisses had only fueled the tension that had always existed between you but that you wanted to ignore.

"Do you want to go after work, then?"

“Sounds good to me”

Spencer gave you one last smile and then went to prepare his usual cup of sugar with a dash of coffee. All day you were thinking about him and more than once he caught you looking at him, but you didn't even care.

So, at nightfall, with a few drinks on you and more courage in your body, you finally confessed that kissing was something you had wanted to do for a long time. You almost didn't believe it at first, coming from him, but when you finally accepted it, it wasn't hard at all to rush at him and kiss him feverishly. And this time there did not impede for you to give free rein to your desires, which led you to the soft mattress in your friend's house and kept you awake until a few hours before dawn.

[david-talks-sw]

Debunking myths in the GFFA: Luke Skywalker isn't the One True Jedi™ and doesn't "reject the Jedi teachings."

The myth:

Luke's Jedi mentors - trained to be dispassionate and mission-driven - callously tell him to let his friends die in service of a greater cause.

"In The Empire Strikes Back, Luke becomes Yoda's Padawan, and there are echoes of Anakin's training and the dilemmas he faced. Like Anakin, Luke is told he is too old to begin the training. Like Anakin, he has a vision of his loved ones suffering in captivity, and receives cold advice from Yoda, who tells him to sacrifice Han and Leia if he honors what they fight for." - Jason Fry, “Family Tradition; Rejecting the Jedi Teachings” Star Wars Insider #130, 2012

The intended narrative:

The Jedi are actually right on all points. Luke isn't ready or fully trained and he's arrogantly letting his emotions rule him and rushing into danger. By ignoring them, Luke gets himself into a spot of trouble that actually jeopardizes the lives of the very friends he tried to help, as they now need to rescue him.

“It’s pivotal that Luke doesn’t have patience. He doesn’t want to finish his training. He’s being succumbed by his emotional feelings for his friends rather than the practical feelings of “I’ve got to get this job done before I can actually save them. I can’t save them, really.” But he sort of takes the easy route, the arrogant route, the emotional but least practical route, which is to say, “I’m just going to go off and do this without thinking too much.” And the result is that he fails and doesn’t do well for Han Solo or himself.”

“Luke is making a critical mistake in his life of going after- to try to save his friends when he’s not ready. There’s a lot being taught here about patience and about waiting for the right moment to do whatever you’re going to do.”

“Luke is in the process of going into an extremely dangerous situation out of his compassion— Without the proper training, without the proper thought, without the proper foresight to figure out how he’s gonna get out of it. His impulses are right, but his methodology is wrong.”

The myth:

The Jedi want Luke to repress his feelings and kill his father, to destroy the Sith, their religious enemies. As emotionally-detached Jedi, it is inconceivable that a Sith would come back from the Dark Side, and thus wrongly believe that the only solution is to kill Vader.

"It's easy to miss that Luke disagrees sharply with his Jedi teachers about what to do. Obi-Wan and Yoda have trained Luke and push him toward a second confrontation with Vader. He is, they believe, the Jedi weapon that will destroy both Vader and the Emperor. When Luke insists there is still good in Vader, Obi-Wan retorts that "he's more machine than man-twisted and evil." When Luke says he can't kill his own father, Obi-Wan despairs, "Then the Emperor has already won."  But Obi-Wan could not be more wrong. It is precisely because Luke can't kill his own father that he defeats the Sith." - Jason Fry, Star Wars Insider #130, 2012

The intended narrative:

The Jedi never tell Luke to "kill" his father. That's just a fact.

They tell him to "confront" and "face" him.

Their bottom line is that Vader and the Emperor need to be stopped.

If Luke can manage to do so without killing his father, that's great.

"In Jedi the film is really about the redemption of this fallen angel. Ben is the fitting good angel, and Vader is the bad angel who started off good. All these years Ben has been waiting for Luke to come of age so that he can become a Jedi and redeem his father. That's what Ben has been doing, but you don't know this in the first film." - Star Wars: The Annotated Screenplays, 1998

(credit to @writerbuddha for finding the above quote)

The problem is: Darth Vader has a track record of murdering loved ones who refuse to kill him. Be it his wife...

... his father/brother...

... and if you're going by Canon, his little sister.

As such, there's a very strong chance that Vader might do the same to his son as well.

“A Jedi can’t kill for the sake of killing. The mission isn’t for Luke to go out and kill his father and get rid of him. The issue is, if he confronts his father again, he may, in defending himself, have to kill him, because his father will try to kill him.” - 1981 story conference, from The Making of Return of the Jedi

Now, as the last Jedi left, the fate of the galaxy rests entirely on Luke's shoulders.

If he dies, then the galaxy and its billions of inhabitants are doomed to live in a tyrannical dictatorship forever.

“He knows a confrontation is brewing between Luke and his father. Ben hopes Luke will either save his father or kill him, because whatever extra powers Luke's got in his lineage, he is the one person that can probably fight his father and win.” - The Star Wars Archives: 1977-1983, 2018

There's a time for talking things through... and a time to do your duty. Above all else, a Jedi's duty is to end conflict.

Obi-Wan was once tasked with this same duty.

And while he managed to weaken Vader considerably (thus avoiding the catastrophe of a full-powered Vader being unleashed onto the galaxy)... because of his attachment, he failed to kill Vader.

Twice, if you include the Kenobi show.

(A show which, per Pablo Hidalgo, is one of George Lucas' favorite recent Star Wars projects, a tidbit that doesn't surprise me one bit considering how much the series perfectly aligns with what Lucas said about Star Wars (see here, here and here))

Point being: because Ben failed his duty, the galaxy suffered for it.

Luke is now in danger of doing the same.

If he's unable to end the conflict in a peaceful way, then Luke needs to be ready to do so in a more permanent manner. Because while Luke has qualms about killing his father, there's a very big chance that the feeling won't be mutual.

So Luke isn't rejecting his teachers' orders to kill Vader. He's saying he's unable to confront Vader altogether, because he'll be half-assing the task. In the (very likely) worst case scenario where reasoning with Vader fails, Luke is concerned he won't be able to follow-through and do what he must.

Further, there's also a worse outcome to Luke dying: Luke joining the Dark Side and becoming yet another asset of the Emperor, more dangerous than Vader himself.

It's thus essential that Luke steel himself and mask his emotions, because the Emperor is a master manipulator who'll likely attempt to corrupt Luke via the strong emotions he has for his friends.

Obi-Wan is not telling Luke to repress his emotions. On the contrary, he acknowledges that these feelings do Luke credit. But the fact remains that when your opponent can jiu-jitsu those feelings against you and your friends, you need to keep a poker face.

And judging by how close the Sith Lords come to seducing Luke to the Dark Side...

... that advice is completely on point.

The myth:

"It isn't Jedi teachings that save the galaxy, but bonds the Jedi tried to forbid - such as the love of a father for his son, and a son for his father. Emotional attachments, in other words." - Jason Fry, Star Wars Insider #130, 2012

The intended narrative:

In Return of the Jedi, Luke isn't doing anything different than what other Jedi have done.

He does his best to avoid lethal force unless he deems that it is necessary (see his fight against Jabba's hostile forces).

He sacrifices himself for the greater good and let himself be captured, in order to allow the mission to be carried out.

He tries to reason with his enemy, hoping to avoid conflict.

He spares his enemy, showing mercy.

That's all standard Jedi stuff. We've seen other Jedi do all those things, both in the films and The Clone Wars.

If that isn't enough, just look at how Lucas describes what Jedi normally do (left), versus what Luke does in Return of the Jedi (right):

See what I mean? There’s pretty much no difference.

In Lucas' narrative, Luke isn’t “better than” or “rejecting the teachings” of the Jedi who came before him. He’s following the Jedi path. And he's really good at doing so.

Because this idea that Luke "rejects the teachings" makes no sense! They're Lucas' teachings. He agrees with the Jedi, they're the mouthpieces he uses to deliver the audience his own values.

Lucas having his main character do something he'd ideologically disagree with is something that doesn't make sense.

And part of this confusion comes from a misunderstanding of the word "attachment", in Star Wars.

It doesn't mean "emotional attachments" or "feelings" or "affection." It comes from the Buddhist principle of non-attachment.

It's not about depriving yourself of relationships or affection, it's about accepting that everything comes and goes and letting go of those very things you hold on to, when the time comes.

Lucas makes a distinction in his discourse between attachment and compassion.

"The whole idea of the movie, ultimately is that you have the Light Side and the Dark Side. The Light Side is compassion, which means you care about other people. The Dark Side is you care only about yourself. And you are obsessed with yourself. Getting your pleasure and getting all your stuff. The other one, you give it to everybody. You give goodness and health to everybody else.  So the issue of love... there’s a line between loving somebody compassionately and caring about them and helping them. But the other line is not to be greedy or... once you are greedy then you get fearful. You don’t want to lose what it is you have that you are getting. So you have to learn to give up everything. And ultimately for a Jedi Knight, it’s very easy to give up." - Celebration V, Main Event, 2010

In-universe, this is something Anakin knew the theory of, but never really applied all that much.

Luke on the other hand, was able to learn the lesson and apply it.

Speaking in Lucas lingo, it's not Luke's attachment that makes him spare Vader. It's his compassion. And in turn, that compassion inspires Vader to do the same.

"It really has to do with learning. Children teach you compassion. They teach you to love unconditionally. Anakin can’t be redeemed for all the pain and suffering he’s caused. He doesn’t right the wrongs, but he stops the horror. The end of the Saga is simply Anakin saying, ‘I care about this person, regardless of what it means to me. I will throw away everything that I have, everything that I have grown to love - primarily the Emperor - and throw away my life, to save this person. And I’m doing this because he has faith in me, loves me despite all the horrible things I’ve done. I broke his mother’s heart, but he still cares about me, and I can’t let that die.’" - The Making of Revenge of The Sith; page 221

Or, to put things more simply:

Attachment (selfish love), is what makes Anakin do this:

Compassion (selfless love), is what makes Luke do this:

Now, could Lucas have made his narrative more explicit, to avoid confusion? Maybe.

But I think it's also fair to point the finger at the biggest cause of these muddied waters:

Simply put, the Expanded Universe (the Star Wars books, novels and games that spun out of the films) established new lore elements that didn't necessarily align with Lucas' vision of things. Namely:

Jedi can get married, and Luke marries Mara Jade.

Jedi can begin their training as adults, and Luke takes on many apprentices that are already adults.

When considering George's minimal involvement in the development of EU stories, it's easy to see why these plot points were allowed to come through.

But when he made the Prequels, his headcanons came to light and the above plot points needed to be retconned.

George Lucas' narrative:

"Nope. You can't be a Jedi and be married."

This isn't actually coming out of left field.

When Timothy Zahn asked for Luke and Mara to be married or engaged, back in 1993, Lucasfilm initially vetoed the idea.

And over the years, Lucas and other Lucasfilm employees have made it it clear that "Luke getting married" did not align with his vision (so much so that it's a plot point in Attack of the Clones).

So the question becomes: why can't Jedi get married?

It's about commitment.

Simply put: you can't have two marriages. Eventually, your commitment to one of them will falter and you'll ruin them both. A Jedi is already married to the cause and to the Order.

If they want to get married, they have to leave the Jedi.

"One of the things [the Jedi] give up is marriage. They can still love people. But they can’t possess them. They can’t own them. They can’t demand that they do things. They have to be able to accept the fact, one, their mortality, that they are going to die. And not worry about it. That the loved ones they have, everything they love is going to die and they can’t do anything about it. I mean they can protect them as you would ordinarily protect, you know, ‘Get out of the way of that car.’ Somebody charges you with a gun, you knock the gun out, but there is an inevitability to life which is death and you have to accept that." - Celebration V, Main Event, 2010

And this is another example, really, of how Lucas' own values and past experiences shape the Jedi's teachings.

Marcia Lucas divorced George because he was constantly working on Star Wars, even when he wasn't directing it, which she said led to an emotional blockage in their marriage...

... and this leads us to the reason why George didn't double-down on the success of the Original Trilogy: he decided to take time off to raise his three kids as a single Dad.

He learned his lesson, reasoned that he wouldn't be able to be both a good, present father and a successful blockbuster film director.

When you're dealing with time-consuming commitments of this scale, you need to make a choice, or you'll end up (half-assing and thus ruining) both of them.

"Nope. Jedi get taken in as babies for a reason."

Once again, this has to do with Lucas' definition of "attachment."

"Jedi Knights get taken from their families very young. They do not grow attachments, because attachment is a path to the Dark Side. You can love people, but you can't want to possess them. They're not yours. Accept that they have a fate. Even those you love most are going to die. You can't do anything about that. Protect them with your lightsaber, but if they die they were going to die. There's nothing you can do. All you can do is accept that fact. In mythology, if you go to Hades to get them back, you're not doing it for them, you're doing it for yourself. You're doing it because you don't want to give them up. You're afraid to be without them. The key to the Dark Side is fear. You must be clean of fear, and fear of loss is the greatest fear. If you're set up for fear of loss, you will do anything to keep that loss from happening, and you're going to end up in the Dark Side. That's the basic premise of Star Wars and the Jedi, and how it works. That's why they're taken at a young age to be trained. They cannot get themselves killed trying to save their best buddy when it's a hopeless exercise." - The Star Wars Archives: 1977-1983, 2018

Jedi need to maintain objectivity and neutrality, in their day-to-day lives of mediating peace between planets.

And learning to "let go of your attachments when the time comes" is part of that training. But it is something that takes discipline and time, and thus the child needs to be young enough to develop this skill. Otherwise, they end up like Anakin, who always struggled to properly learn it and eventually was doomed by his greed.

This being part of Lucas narrative is also evidenced that in his earlier plans for the Sequel trilogy, he'd have Luke train children, not adults like he does in the EU.

"Luke is trying to restart the Jedi. He puts the word out, so out of 100,000 Jedi, maybe 50 or 100 are left. The Jedi have to grow again from scratch, so Luke has to find two- and three-year-olds, and train them. It’ll be 20 years before you have a new generation of Jedi." The Star Wars Archives: 1999-2005, 2020

The EU's retcons of Lucas' narrative:

Now, obviously, the addition of all these rules and other elements such as midi-chlorians... it does something to the older audience. They grew up on the Original Trilogy, dreaming they could be a Jedi too if they just believed enough. Now that bubble is burst.

"Wait, if I'm a Jedi I can't get married?! And I need to be taken in as a toddler, with a certain kind of blood score?! That's bullshit!"

More importantly... it goes against about a decade's worth of established EU lore (which Lucas never factored into his storytelling)!

So what does Lucasfilm Licensing do? They go with it.

They take these "weird" rules the older audience and authors don't like, and retcon a new narrative around them to ensure both the books and the new films all stay canon within the EU own continuity.

George Lucas revealed new information about his universe in Episode II that ran counter to earlier stories of the Expanded Universe. Among the surprises: the Jedi Order is monastic, with love and marriage forbidden to its members. This would necessitate reforms to the Jedi Code over time to separate the ancient era when Nomi Sunrider was married to a Jedi, seen in the Tales of the Jedi (1993–94) comics, as well as the post-Empire era when Luke Skywalker married Mara Jade in the comic series Union (1999–2000). LucasBooks also needed to create plausible exceptions for Ki-Adi-Mundi, a Jedi Master who had multiple wives in the Prelude to Rebellion comics (1999). - Pablo Hidalgo, The Essential Reader’s Companion, 2012

When it comes to Luke specifically, the narrative becomes:

"Uh... y-yes. The old Jedi Order forbid marriage, only took in toddlers and had a blood pre-requisite... which was weird, wrong, too detached, too systemic, and part of why their Order failed! But, uh, Luke's New Jedi Order allows marriage, unlike his dogmatic predecessors, because anyone can be a Jedi guys!" Hahaha! (fuck's sake George)

But as already explained above: those new rules aren't meant to be perceived negatively. It would make no sense if they were, they're based on Lucas' own values.

You know what it does do, though?

It cements the narrative that Luke is the One True Jedi™, who rejected the dogmatic teachings to forge a new path forward.

That's not the intended narrative of the Original Trilogy, nor the six-film saga as a whole.

If you've made it this far in the post (congratulations) and are interested to read another all-encompassing post about that, you can check out the link below :)

[mirohlayo]

YOU STOLE IT

( what happens when lando reunites with the girl who stole his first kiss ? )

warning : a bit of jealousy, fluff, lot of fluff

note : i love this okay. i won't write a part 2 so no requests please !!

word count : 4.9k

Lando hasn't always been very lucky in love. While he separated from a failed romantic relationship, he now finds himself alone, surrounded by his friends who are experiencing their perfect love, alongside their soulmates.

This doesn't bother him that much, since he himself admitted preferring to concentrate on his sporting career and thus become one of the best F1 drivers. No girlfriend yet.

But when he has to endure all day long the sweet words that other drivers address to their lovers, when he himself can feel love in the air, it becomes difficult not to think about starting a new chapter, this time here happy and healthy. A chapter that will fill him with happiness, as he has never been before.

Is this decision of not having enough time to find a girlfriend in order to concentrate on sport actually an excuse to hide the pain and despair that is gradually beginning to nestle in his heart?

He tries as best he can to reassure himself, to convince himself that he doesn't need this feeling of being completely in love and devoted to a girl. But when he continues to be the third wheel among the couples his friends form, he comes to desire a relationship more than anything else.

And every time, he can't help but think of this girl. This pretty girl he met during his summer vacation when he was 16. She was divinely beautiful, her shy but bubbly personality made Lando's heart capsize in a unique way, his whole being was alarmed just by hearing her name.

They both had a wonderful vacation, just the two of them together. During these two summer months, they did not let go of each other, spending every day alongside each other. They had become so close and complicit that they proclaimed themselves best friends from their first meeting during a kart race where Lando was racing for his life.

And since that day, they both developed deep feelings for each other. At first it was innocent. And it still is, in fact. They just thought it was a deep friendly connection, that they were just friendly soulmates. That those little stolen smiles and tactile touches were just childish, and just affectionate.

But it turned out that his feelings were ultimately more than that. More than just a friendly relationship. Lando found himself falling in love with you so hard, so passionately that he regretted not asking for your number when you two suddenly said goodbye.

You were his first love. And you still are. He thought that with time, you would eventually slip out of his head, that he would eventually forget you and move on, that it was just a big embarrassing crush from his youth but that he wouldn't think about it anymore growing up.

But that is absolutely not the case. He hasn't stopped thinking about you for 8 years. Every day, even before going to sleep, the only person he thinks about is you, that little girl he was madly in love with before.

He knows it, he maybe denies it a little, but deep down he realizes that he still has feelings for you. Perhaps less intense, less ardent, but there is no doubt that his romantic feelings will double in strength if he meets you again one day.

Of course, the old relationships, flirts, that he had before were sincere and true. He liked these few girls, that he was even happy in his last relationship. But for all that, it was by stopping this relationship and these flirts that he realized that everything brought him back to you. No matter what girl he meets, the only one who will forever remain deeply anchored in his heart is you.

He knows now that you two were more than friendly soulmates. Well, at least from his point of view. He was absolutely unsure about your feelings, which is why during these summer vacations, he preferred not to tell you anything for fear of destroying such a pure and important friendship in his eyes.

But again, he finds himself thinking about you, about how everything would be different with you. It was by going through all these different relationships with girls that he understood that he had never felt anything as powerful as with you. All these girls don't give him even a quarter of what he felt for you back then. So, how will this feeling change when he has the opportunity to meet you again?

The warm air of Saudi Arabia blows gently through the driver's curly hair. Free practice will begin in a few hours now, so Lando is using this time cooped up in the garage, surrounded by his teammate and his racing team, to discuss about the car.

“Hello Oscar!!” Lando's teammate is welcomed by his girlfriend, Lily, who smiles lovingly at him. The interview with the team is over, and she took the opportunity to spend some time with her boyfriend Oscar. The second driver comes to wrap his arms around his lover, before pressing a kiss to her forehead. Lando scoffs and rolls his eyes exaggeratedly. “Can you do this in private please? In addition to be the third wheel, I have nausea coming on.”

Oscar mocks his teammate, still holding Lily tightly in his arms. “Mate, it’s not my fault you’re a failure in love.” The Brit stops himself from hitting him, before putting on his McLaren cap. “Need I remind you that I’ve been in a relationship before?” He says to him with a completely proud look. “Couple who ended up in a failure, by the way.” He remarks, pointing at him.

“I really loved her…” The curly pauses. “It’s just that there is someone who- no, nothing, forget what I've said” He grumbles and withdraws into himself. Oscar frowns, Lily now concerned about the situation. “What?” She questions him gently.

Lando refuses to face this situation and simply shrugs his shoulders and ends up running away to join Zack further away. He can't say more, he can't talk about this girl who obsesses him. The two lovers look at each other confused by the British's behavior.

Zack smiled as he saw Lando walking towards him. “Are you already tired of feeling love in the air?” He says in order to tease him, which works. “Stop with that, I don’t care if I’m in a relationship or not.” What a lie. Zack knows his driver is lying, but he doesn't bother him more than that, not wanting to make him uncomfortable.

“So, how are things going at Ferrari?” Lando asks to quickly change the subject, not wanting to face another charade about his catastrophic dating situation. The two men then turn towards the Ferrari garage, where they can see the two drivers and the mechanics. "They look like they have a really good car, that's all I can tell you. But that doesn't mean-"

But it's too late, the British Mclaren driver no longer listens to his boss. As the Ferrari mechanics and strategists set to work, he saw among this small crowd Charles alongside a girl. At first glance, he thought it was his girlfriend. But upon closer observation, the woman, who is facing away, has a little shorter hair and is smaller in stature. And her hair color reminds him of her.

The girl he's been hopelessly in love with for 8 years now. But it can't be real, right? Why would you be here at the free practice sessions, and even more so accompanied by Charles Leclerc? His eyes must surely be hallucinating. But that silhouette from behind reminds him so much of you. But he tries to reassure himself. Or rather convince himself that there are so many brown girls in the paddock that he has confused you with someone else.

“Are you still listening to me or not?” Zack's serious voice rang in his ears. "Uh, yeah, sorry..." "You must need some time alone, I think" A mocking but concerned smile takes its place on Zack's face. “Yes, I think I need a little rest, excuse me” Lando smiles at him with difficulty before his boss goes further away.

The driver takes a deep breath. He can't help but look away at Charles and that girl. The more he looks, the more he feels like he's going back 8 years and seeing the girl he loves in front of him. He needs to know. He needs to be reassured and to be sure if this girl is really you.

And as if fate had heard it, the woman disappears from the garage, and seems to be heading to the paddock. So the British guy doesn't miss this chance and almost runs behind her to follow her. A few people give him confused and questioning looks, but he continues to pursue this dark-haired woman who hypnotizes him.

As he gets closer to you, his heart beats harder and harder. He feels like he's going to burst out of his chest and this feeling of stress eating away at him makes him want to vomit. Because he is realizing that he may have found his first love again. His eternal childhood crush.

That all those nights lost looking for you on social medias, trying to find your account and reconnect with you may not have been in vain. That all those nights lost thinking about you for a long time before falling asleep may not have been wasted in vain. That all these memories of you that he replays in his head finally make sense.

So, he goes for it without a second’s hesitation. "Excuse me ?" He speaks a little hesitantly, afraid of ending up with a woman who doesn't know him. But when the girl turns around, her brown hair flowing in the air, her eyes meeting his, Lando's heart skips several beats.

He finally found you.

The look of shock and surprise on your face mirrors Lando’s perfectly. Neither of you knows how to react, so you stay stuck like this for what seems like an eternity. But it is during this moment that the air suddenly seems changed. As if a connection, which once existed, was finally present again. As if an invisible link had finally reconnected between you, and united you for eternity. This change in atmosphere makes Lando's heart beat a little harder.

It seems unreal. So unreal that he thinks he's dreaming for a moment. For years, he never stopped thinking about you. To wonder what had become of you, what you looked like. And here you are now in front of him, more radiant than ever. This supernatural trance finally breaks when you decide to speak.

"Lando?!...Lando!!" You can't help but smile with all your teeth, a smile so sincere and strong. And oh God he suffered so much for the last eight years without being able to admire your magnificent smile. He adores it so much that he dreams of framing it in his memory forever. He knows how weak he becomes every time he gets the chance to admire your smile.

He can't help the big smile that comes over him as well. He feels so many emotions inside him that he feels like he's going to explode with happiness. "Y/n! Oh it's really you, I can't believe it!!" He can't even hide his joy and excitement, which makes you smile more, although it already seems impossible considering your cheeks already tired from just smiling.

“Me either, I feel like I’m in a dream” You admit, still a little surprised. “I didn’t think you were going to recognize me to be honest” You tell him, trying to contain your bomb of joy. “How could I not recognize you, when you are literally the most precious person to me?”

This simple sentence makes you blush violently, as you try to hide your embarrassment. “Uh- well it’s been 8 years since we last saw each other, so I doubt I’m still your favorite person” You laugh sweetly, and the sweet sound melts his heart. “So don’t doubt anymore, because you really are y/n” He addresses these few words to you while looking into yours.

And that's when he realizes how much you've changed. But changed in an incredibly beautiful way. You have kept this divine beauty which never fails to take his breath away. Your sweet facial features, that beautiful smile that he can't help but be obsessed with, and just simply your face that he could gaze at for hours and hours without ever getting tired of it.

You were already very beautiful when you were younger, when you were teenagers. But now you are infinitely more magnificent and resplendent. You look much more mature, and much more feminine. He has the impression of seeing an angel, a goddess before him. And that too has not changed, you remain for him the most beautiful woman he has ever met in his entire life.

The same goes for you. He's grown up so much, he's no longer the immature but adorable little Lando you loved so much before. Now he's a real man. He is more muscular, more virile but above all he has retained this eternal beauty and attractiveness. His beard makes him look a lot older too.

And then his hair. You teased him back then because he had trouble combing his hair. But these beautiful silky and shiny curls make you want and want to play with them, to caress them until they are messy enough for you to style them again.

“I see that my karting races have brought you to the wonderful world of Formula 1” The driver then says in order to hide the fact that he has been gazing at you for a few minutes now. You chuckle, before nodding. “Yeah, it must be said that a certain Lando Norris passed on his passion for motorsport to me” He lets out a little embarrassed laugh before turning his attention back to you.

"But Lando Norris was replaced by his opponent apparently. Bad luck." Lando's eyes land on the monegasque Ferrari driver who joins the conversation, right next to you. His tone turns colder as he stares at Charles. He can't help but feel a pang - or rather a big pang - of jealousy at the idea that you potentially replaced him with the monegasque driver.

Maybe your heart finally fell for Charles? Maybe in the end you always preferred him. He can't get these assumptions out of his head, because they haunt him now and just thinking about them makes him even more jealous. How come you're as close to Charles as you once were to Lando?

"Wow, what a reunion! Y/n told me how you were best friends before" Charles smiles kindly, and Lando seems surprised by his words. “Did she really tell you?” He asks suddenly. You clear your throat, embarrassed by what you told your friend about your relationship with the Brit.

"Yes, she told me so many things about you. That you were her favorite boy - and still are, that she loved spending time with you so much, that she really found you adorable and cute-” “Hey shut up!!” You beg Charles, placing the palm of your hand over his mouth.

Lando feels himself blush violently upon hearing Charles' words. Is this really true? “Do you think I’m cute ?” He teases you gently, but you feel even more embarrassed that you end up pressing your hands to your cheeks to hide the already terribly apparent red color.

"And that's not all, I still forgot lots and lots of things... anyway, I'll leave you, work awaits me again" Charles ends up patting the Mclaren driver on the shoulder, before to give you a smile and walk away.

A silence falls for a moment. The atmosphere has suddenly changed, it's more tense. But tense because you now know that a more than ambiguous and friendly feeling has settled between you. Tension paralyzes you as you fight the urge to jump into each other's arms.

Lando finally clears his throat before looking into your beautiful eyes. “How did you meet Charles?” “I’m a friend of his girlfriend, and she introduced us.” You respond simply, staring at him intently. Until you notice that his eyes no longer support your gaze but attack your lips.

It makes you think of that moment. And it makes him think of that moment too.

He stared intently at your pink lips. He wonders if he can. If he has the right. If he can taste them again. To move his lips on yours, to see if they are as soft as they seem.

To relive this moment. This moment, which is undoubtedly the most beautiful of his memories, and even more the most beautiful day of his life.

-

England was probably now one of your favorite destinations. Maybe because you found your confidant there, your best friend, this boy as adorable as he was immature who dreamed of being a Formula 1 driver. But all good things come to an end, and you already knew that destiny had to separate your paths. That these two months of vacation spent alongside Lando will only be distant but happy memories of your adolescence, and that you will perhaps end up watching him race on TV, being only a spectator and no longer his childhood best friend.

Lando knew it too. He knew that you had to return to your homeland, because after all England was only the destination your parents had chosen for the summer holidays. But his heart was breaking, suffocating at the idea of letting you go, when he had just accepted the fact that you were for him, potentially the woman of his life. You couldn't suppress the feeling of apprehension and sadness, as each minute that passed reminded you of how much time you would miss, passing by at a crazy speed.

Sitting on large rocks on the beach, you both admired the beautiful sunset that was falling on this last day of vacation. Tomorrow, a new chapter would begin. So you wanted to fully enjoy your last moments with your secret lover, because you might never meet him again. Silence reigned, peacefully, while the sound of the insolent waves lulled your ears with a bitter melody. You hoped you could slow down time, or rather extend it, because he seemed so stingy and selfish about giving you a little more to even exchange your unspoken thoughts.

Suddenly, you felt the boy's gaze on you, a gaze so intense that you had to turn your head away to look at him the same way. A mischievous smile appeared on his thin lips, as he opened his mouth to say a few words to you. “You promised me a gift if I won my kart race. I’m still waiting for it, Y/n.” His eyes filled with mischief and impatience, as you remembered the promise you had made to him. He had won his karting race earlier in the day, and you had promised him a gift if he managed to win it. However, you didn't think it would be so easy, since you had secretly chosen a rather... surprising gift.

A kiss. Not on his cheek, his forehead, or even his temple. No, it was more than just a childish, awkward kiss. A real, quick kiss on his lips. You thought about it because, although you sincerely believed in Lando's phenomenal abilities, you didn't think he would end up on the top step of the podium so easily and quickly. And now you're in trouble. Lando continues to stare at you mischievously, still impatient to discover your precious gift. Your brain was no longer able to function, your heart was speeding up. Did you really have to go for it? Take the plunge and place your lips on his?

Lando's impatience and waiting were more evident, while you were still panicking inside. And then, that's when you understood. That there was only him in your heart, and that there was only one chance. Only one life to live it to the fullest, without regretting anything. That worst case scenario, you'll go home the next day, forgetting this stupid promise and action. That in the end, this vacation, this boy, and this kiss, will remain engraved as the most beautiful adolescent chapter of your life, and that you will remember it with full joy and nostalgia.

Then the next second, Lando was surprised to feel a pair of lips on his. The kiss only lasted a short second, yet long enough for him to feel a bunch of different emotions. His heart felt like it was stopping, just as his brain was trying to properly process what had just happened. A powerful, strange but sweet feeling came over the young British man. He had just received his first kiss, and even more so from the girl he loved desperately. As you pulled back to look into his eyes, his looked back at you, confused. But because he understood.

He understood that this was love. That he was destined to remain faithful to you, for the rest of his life, because that kiss was the promise that his heart would belong to you forever.

-

It's been a little over a week now since you and Lando got together. And these last few days have been filled with nostalgia, reunions and above all strong and intense emotions. After the Jeddah race, Lando asked you to spend time together. Finally, he secretly wanted to insinuate that he wanted to spend every minute of his time by your side. Like before, like eight years ago.

He had finally found his childhood crush, the woman he considered the love of his life, and so he wasn't going to let her escape so easily. Especially since this reunion made him rekindle these deep feelings that he had not lost, but balked at because he had come to the conclusion that he will never find you again. However, talking to you again, spending time with you made him feel the love he had for you, but so much more intense, so much stronger and more powerful.

He's never felt like this before with any other girl, he's never seen himself in this state. Completely and obsessively in love, desperate to receive your attention and stay with you. Finding you was a sentimental blow to him, while he found himself lost forever in your heart. Finding you sealed his heart in your hands for eternity.

“It was a great day.” You hasten to say as a pretty smile takes place on your face. The driver looks at you lovingly, as he nods his head in approval. “Especially when I beat you at karting. It was the best moment of the day” He teases you and you stare at him. "I drove into the barrier because you hit my kart with yours. It doesn't count" You try to defend yourself.

“It doesn’t matter, I still won.” He adds as you sit side by side on the warm sand of the beach. “Still as narcissistic as back then” You roll your eyes but don’t hide that teasing smile on your face. “Still the same Lando Norris that you loved so much” He adds, his eyes scanning the horizon in the distance.

You swallow with difficulty, a lump in your throat. “Loved uh…” You whisper to yourself. Raising your head, you are greeted by the sunset. A pretty sunset, the same one that accompanied you on that last day of vacation eight years ago. You can't help but feel this feeling of nostalgia, of happiness.

It's exactly the same pretty frame, and the same boy by your side. It reminds you so much of that beautiful day long ago. Your heart warms at the thought. You finally found the man you love so much, and you couldn't be happier than right now.

The waves play the same melody, but this time the melody is more beautiful. Brighter and strangely romantic. As you gaze at the clouds in the distance, you feel Lando's intense gaze on you. Exactly the same look he gave you back then. Then, as if you were rehearsing the same scene, like a play that you are performing to perfection, you turn around to lock your gaze with his.

And there, that famous mischievous smile takes over his lips. Eight years later, he has the same look, this smile that changed everything. "You forgot your promise again, like back then. I'm still waiting for it, y/n" His words hit you like a bomb. Because they are exactly the same ones he said to you the day you made that stupid promise to him. This stupid gift.

And as if you weren't stupid enough, you secretly thought of the same gift. You internally promised yourself that you would give him the same kiss if he managed to beat you in karting. And he did it, as if he had put all his soul into the race to deserve this surprise gift from you. You feel helpless as the same panic takes hold of you. Everything seems so unreal. This sweet memory will finally happen again.

You see his eyes drop to your lips for a split second. But it's that split second that changes everything about you. Now you know it's for life. That you found the boy of your heart, that you will never leave him again, even if he doesn't feel the same way as you. That you only have one life to regret nothing, and this childhood kiss you have never regretted. So you never want to regret it.

You smile shyly, and without him being able to do anything, you crash your lips onto his. Lando's eyes widen, but he finally realizes what's happening. And he doesn't wait any longer to move his lips to yours. But this time the kiss is totally different. It is no longer innocent and shy like it used to be. It's no longer a little kiss between two teenagers who promised each other a gift.

No, this time it's much more romantic. More intense, deep and passionate. It's so comforting and sweet. This kiss is the fruit of the unconditional love he feels for you. So, he continues to deepen the kiss, his hand delicately cupping your cheek while his arm comes around your waist.

He licks your bottom lip with his tongue before nibbling it gently, letting you completely devote yourself to him. He continues to kiss you passionately, but yet it's not vulgar or crude. It's a soft and pleasant kiss, where only love is exchanged between your lips.

You finally broke the kiss by pulling back, a shy smile matching your pink cheeks perfectly. He opens his eyes, a silly smile on his lips before quickly pecking your lips again. You stay like that for a moment, admiring each other for a long time, love in your eyes.

"I'm so fucking in love with you, baby. Not since yesterday, not since last week, no. Since ages ago, for so long that I've stopped counting." You smile at him tenderly, your cheeks still pink. "Me too, Lando. I've loved you since we first met."

He smiles wider as his arms pull you a little closer to him. "You know, you're the girl who stole my first kiss. And you're also the only girl who managed to steal my heart. My heart has been yours for eight years, since the very moment you took me kissed." You can’t help but giggle, which melts Lando’s heart. “I thought you stopped counting.” He scratches the back of his neck, somewhat embarrassed. “Let’s just say I kept counting because I was desperate to know when I was going to find the woman I love.”

In the meantime he leaned over you, until you were lying on the soft sand. “Every day you were gone was like a bullet in my chest.” “What a romantic, I’m almost going to get emotional” You tease, a mocking laugh coming from you. “Still as teasing as before” He adds, pressing a kiss to your cheek.

"For eight years, you were the only girl who never stopped staying anchored in my thoughts. From our first kiss, my heart already belonged to you, and it will continue to be yours for the rest of my life. I never wanted any other girl but you, and I waited so long for you that I'll never let you go. I love you so much, sweetheart” His words warm your heart, as you gently caress his face with your thumbs. “I’m completely in love with you too, Lan.” And in these last words, he rushes to kiss you again.

You feel like eight years ago, like the two idiots in love who stole their first kiss. Nothing has changed except the reality that reminds you that your love is bound for eternity, and that it will continue to exist because it is deeper and more passionate every day. That this is the present moment, and that your hearts are finally filled with happiness to have been able to find their other half, after so many years of desperately continuing to live without the presence of the other.

[r--kt]

Do you like Kakashi's dogs? Let's talk about why there are eight of them.

another example of naruto's ✨cultural code✨

contents | the eight dog warriors chronicles · legacy · eight confucian virtues. also look at the cuties love them sm

Naruto Vol. 10 CH 90

[ one dog is wonderful, I'm saying as the owner of a sweet little york terrier. two dogs are good, they won't be bored together. three dogs? yeah, cool! how are you going to walk them though? four? yes... look, maybe we have to draw the line h- wha- EIGHT? Excuse Me!? ]

surely, it's worth starting with the fact that eight is a lucky number in Japanese culture — everybody watched Hachi. of course, this is not the only cultural detail where the eight is mentioned. I want to pay special attention to a thing that I didn't know about until I googled it, and this is clearly what Kishimoto was doing homage to with Kakashi's eight ninken.

The Eight Dog Warriors Chronicles

Better known as Nansō Satomi Hakkenden. and it's not just some kind of book, it's a novel, consisting of 106 booklets written by Kyokutei Bakin in XIX century. Hakkenden is considered the largest novel in the history of Japanese Literature. this is one of the main representatives of the gesaku genre, which includes works of a frivolous, joking, silly nature. further I will emphasize a few more times how damn popular this work is and how often it is reflected in culture.

here are some illustrations for these books

now let's talk about the plot. It's weird, but it's weird at samurai-dogs-story level so stay here.

In brief, the story tells about the commander Satomi Yoshizane, whose native lands were attacked by the army of a man, whose forces surpassed those of Satomi, and the samurai in despair swore to a dog named Yatsufusa that the dog would get his beloved daughter Fuse as a wife if he chewed that man's throat. surprisingly, the dog not only understood the owner, but also fulfilled his wish! after that the commander refused to keep the promise. however, Fuse, true to her word of honor, went with Yatsufusa to the mountains and became his wife. upon learning that his daughter was pregnant, Satomi, in a rage, sent a samurai to kill Yatsufusa and bring Fuse home. she stood up for the dog anyways and died with him. at that moment, eight pearls with hieroglyphs that denoted the foundations of Confucian virtue burst out of her womb. (...cheers for mythology, I guess)

Soon, eight dog warriors who were Fuse's spiritual children were born in different parts of Awa province. after going through hardships, they got together and became vassals of the Satomi clan, then won the battle, and soon reached peace.

some more illustrations made by Utagawa Kuniyoshi. from left to right: Inukawa Sōsuke (the dog warrior), Inumura Daikaku (the dog warrior), Princess Fuse (their mother).

the novel mainly tells about each individual warrior dog and his shenanigans in a funny adventurous way. huge fame has led to excerpts from Hakkenden being staged at the Kabuki Theater and mentioned in the anime and manga, such as Inuyasha, Dragon Ball, as it turned out, Naruto and so on. there's also a lot of films and video games.

The eight virtues

these are loyalty, filial piety, benevolence, love, honesty, justice, harmony, and peace.

they relate more to Chinese culture, but basically Hakkenden was inspired by it too. since I did not read the whole novel, I would still like to mention at least the values on which it is based, and which were embedded in the symbolism of this story. It's quite interesting to apply this to Kakashi's dogs. gives them more weight and depth.

It is also interesting to note that the reason why Fuse gave birth to dogs was also that her father was cursed earlier in the story in a way that his descendants would become depraved like dogs. in Japanese culture, dogs embody the duality of character: the same mentioned filth and depravity, and devotion and bravery. so as samurai. but this is a different conversation, more related to Kakashi and his dog poetry.

Did you get here? Here's an additional discovery for you✨

Pakkun's name (パックン) is derived from the Japanese onomatopoeia “pakupaku” (パクパク) which reflects the sound of munching.

Kakashi, that's very sweet of you.

thank you for reading this to the end ♡

[billwidoll]

Come back to me please

_____________________

You were at Topper's party, looking bewildered for your boyfriend Rafe, you asked everyone, but no one knew where he was. Except Topper.

"Hey Topper..." You say, approaching him, getting closer as the music was loud.

"hi yn! Enjoying the party?" Topper says drinking his drink. Topper was the king of parties and Rafe was the king of Outer banks Fact.

"Not really, I'm looking for Rafe, have you seen him?"

You ask loudly, you didn't drink or like parties much, you only went because of Rafe. You were the golden girl, you didn't drink, you didn't smoke, you were perfect and everyone was surprised when you and Rafe made it official, even Topper imagined that his friend would date a bitch, But Rafe chose you because it was love at first sight.

You had already been dating for 2 years, and Rafe was making plans for your future with him, you knew Rafe's fame, but you put that aside and clung to loving him.

"I think he's smelling dust with the kelce on top"

Topper speaks normally and you immediately get angry, as Rafe had promised he would stop it. You thank him and say goodbye to Topper.

You go up and see several rooms, and you ask everyone which room Rafe was in, until they pointed to a room that was in the last one. And you go there, ready to give a scolding In Rafe, you just didn't expect what was going to happen.

You approach the room and open the door, and you see Rafe Cameron, sucking Sophia, his best friend's breasts.

"Wow!" You speak with tears welling in your eyes and impulsively end up dropping your cell phone.

Rafe quickly sees you and stands up with a pale face.

"My love....and....I can explain...." Rafe speaks stuttering and getting closer to you and holding your arm.

"friend...we can explain" Sophia adds, and you become completely mobile, without any kind of reaction, and that terrified Rafe.

"Sophia get out of here now!" Rafe shouts, thinking Sophia would ruin his explanation.

"what about us Rafe?" Sophia asks how the victim was her. Rafe takes a quick look at her and she runs away.

"Love... don't cry... don't do this to me, it hurts too much" Rafe says holding your face and you're still a statue.

You stand up and move a little away from Rafe.

"I only have one thing to tell you: I loved you and I did my part, I thought we were going to get married and have two children like you wanted"

You throw it in his face, and his heart starts beating too fast. Rafe had just had a fight with his father, and it got on his nerves, so to distract himself he went to his father's party Topper, there he saw Sophia in a tight and short dress, seducing him, he unfortunately fell for her fetish.

"Whatever you say, I love you, I'm crazy about you, you're the woman I want to have kids with and marry, I want you to be a Cameron."

Rafe speaks crying and despairing, he was very afraid of losing the only person he truly loved.

"Bye Rafe... I hope you take care, okay?" You say, approaching the door, until Rafe jumps at you.

“Don’t give up on me, please don’t give up” Rafe cries pinning you against the door.

"no Rafe, that was the last straw" you reply, and Rafe insists once again.

"I belong to you and only you, love" Rafe speaks sobbing, and perhaps it could be more emotional manipulation that he was trying to do.

But it's true that Rafe was distressed by the fact that you might disappear from his life.

"Only you, my girl, only you, love, Only you, my girl, only you, babe"

Rafe repeats several times, placing his hands on your face and kissing you forcefully, clearly you pull away.

"Rafe! You've wronged me several times, okay? And I always forgive you, but this time you really hurt me"

You explain and unfortunately it doesn't enter Rafe's head.

"No! No! And not! You won't leave me now or ever!!!"

Rafe shouts at you and this scares you, putting you back, he approaches you to try to kiss you or hug you, but you kneel on Rafe's dick, and he falls to the floor. And you run from there. After that day, Rafe never saw you again.

Five years later

_____________________

Rafe was at the Country Club, with Topper and Kelce. Rafe didn't play golf anymore, he didn't work anymore, he didn't date anymore, and he was poorly looked after, Rafe only cared about drinking and sleeping.

"Hey man! Are you aware of the gossip?" Topper says drinking his water.

"what is it huh?" Rafe asks, drinking his whiskey as always.

"The wonderful yn, being back, married and with children"

When Topper says this, Rafe chokes on the whiskey he was drinking, he never saw you again. After the breakup, you went to Los Angeles and never responded to any of Rafe's messages.

"Married? And what do you mean with children?" Rafe asks trying to compose himself.

"and man! The girl is in luxury, her husband is a millionaire back in New York." Topper speaks, and Rafe is furious with those comments.

"so what? I'm a millionaire too" Rafe says trying to think he's better than his husband.

"Ah Rafe, let's be honest, you've run out of money and practically your father's, you haven't risen to your future friend"

Topper speaks wisely, and Rafe knew he was right and that's what you were talking about and he didn't listen and he regretted it

"you know what? I'm going to go to her" Rafe says, taking his wallet and leaving the money on the counter.

"Who she?" Topper says confused.

"the woman of my life" Rafe says looking directly into Topper's eyes.

"Man, she has two kids and a husband, do you think she's still stuck in the past?" Topper speaks leaving Rafe crestfallen, but that wouldn't stop him from going after you.

"just tell me where she is Topper!!!" Rafe yells, pulling on the ring on Topper's shirt.

"they told me she was at her old house, bro" Topper speaks in despair at his friend's desperation.

Rafe immediately gets on his bike and goes out to look for you.

_____________________

Rafe arrives at his old house, and you weren't Kook, you were Pogue, and you had a simple one.

Rafe parks his motorbike, and he sees you in the garden of the house, playing with your two young children and a dog. Rafe gets emotional at that scene, and starts to cry.

It didn't take long for you to see Rafe, and when you did, you didn't know it was Rafe, you thought he was an ordinary man, watching you and your children play.

You approach the man who was watching that scene and go to him and ask.

"Can I help you?" You ask, holding one child in your arms and another in your hand.

Rafe raises his head, and you can see better that it was the former great love of your life.

"Have I changed so much that my ex-girlfriend doesn't recognize me?"

Rafe made a light humorless joke, he was very sad but wanted to appear normal in front of you.

"oh my god! Rafe! Wow! And.... you look so... different"

You say really shocked, Rafe was really different.

"Do you want to come in? Do you want anything? We can talk, don't you think?" You ask him formally, and Rafe nods his head and nods accepting his invitation.

Rafe enters your house, and everything really was the same, everything was the same when you were dating.

"Don't fix the mess, please" you say, giving Rafe a slight smile, and you put your son in the crib and your other son on the floor to play with the cars.

"no... it's perfect. It really is beautiful" Rafe says, smiling at you too and you go to the kitchen to prepare some juice.

Rafe can't help but ask, the biggest question in his celebration.

"why did you come back....?" Rafe asks creating a tension in his words.

"I'm going to renovate this house and sell it as a beach house" you say, still smiling. Rafe couldn't believe you looked like that. Were you mad at him? I was sad? Or worse, was it over? There were many questions in Rafe's head.

"Really? You came to the Outer Banks just to sell this house?" Rafe says hoping you tell him you missed him.

"No, actually I saw it, show the beaches to my children, there in New York, we were just getting used to the cold and the city." You made it by gluing the tea to the cup for you and Rafe.

"Ah... I see... your children are cute...." Rafe says, getting confused in his answers, but he was sad and depressed.

"But what about you, Rafe Cameron? How are you? Are you still the biggest playboy in town?" You say smiling and giving him the glass of tea.

"Nah...my life is...crazy as hell" Rafe says once again scratching his head and looking down "but you're okay, right? You're already married and with kids, and from what I know the guy and one hell of a Millionaire, right?”

You noticed right away that Rafe wasn't feeling well at all, and that he was suffering from anxiety, you were angry with him, you were very young when you separated.

"Yes....I evolve in life Rafe" you say a little more intensely, without knowing the relationship as Rafe was.

"that's good! I'm very happy for you..." Rafe says with tears welling up in his eyes and you realize at some point

"Rafe? Hey! Look at me, are you crying?" You ask, putting down your tea, and moving closer to Rafe.

He lowers his head trying to hide it, but he was already sobbing.

"It was supposed to be us...it was supposed to be us, my love!" Rafe says, crying a lot and putting his hand on his face.

"Rafe...what we experienced was in the past..." You try to speak in a way that doesn't hurt him.

He shakes his head no and you sigh.

"Look....I'm sure if I didn't make mistakes with you in the past, maybe we would be a perfect family!!"

Rafe says, crying with anger, he was angry with himself for doing something horrible to you. You were speechless, you didn't know what to feel, you loved your new husband, but you loved Rafe... regardless of everything.

"I love you! My life turned into hell when you left it" Rafe says, grabbing your face and getting closer to his "I fell into drugs and drinks, I never felt attracted to you again no woman , I lost my inheritance, I'm running out of YN..."

"Rafe..." Just as you were about to start talking to Rafe, someone interrupted.

"Honey, I'm here!" Her husband speaks, opening the door and finding Rafe beside her.

"Oh dear!" You speak completely unprepared, you didn't realize that it was time for your husband to arrive. Rafe's face changes to hatred and contempt

Your husband drops his suit on the chair and approaches you, giving you a peck on the lips and then holding your waist. When Rafe saw that, all he could think about was pain and suffering.

"Aren't you going to introduce me to your friend, my dear?" Your husband encourages you to talk about Rafe and you swallow hard.

"this one is Rafe Cameron, my old.... friend" you say with a heavy heart. And that hurts Rafe a lot.

"It's a pleasure to meet you Rafe" her husband raises his hand to greet Rafe, only for Rafe to leave abruptly "What did I do wrong?" Your husband asks confused.

You run after Rafe, and it was starting to rain. You keep running Rafe, who was heading towards his bike.

"Rafe! Stop! Stop! Please listen to me!" You say, grabbing his arm and trying to turn him around to make him face you.

"Stop what?! Hu?! My life is shit because of you! And you're making it worse!!"

Rafe shouts in your face, as the rain starts to get heavier.

"You betrayed me, Rafe!!! It's not my fault that your life is horrible!!!" You respond by screaming and pushing his chest

Rafe laughs without humor

"oh and? You have the husband of your dreams, a house of your dreams, you have two children and a dog, your life is wonderful!!"

Rafe says, making you so angry that you end up slapping him in the face.

"I was supposed to do this five years ago!"

When you turn to go back to your house, Rafe ends up pulling you and kissing you intensely.

The kiss had passion, anger, sadness, longing, desire, it had emotions, and that kiss was a sudden goodbye between Rafe and you.

You stop kissing and look at each other, and your look says everything Rafe wanted to know. You were married to a wonderful man and a millionaire, you had two children and a dog, you already had a life Formed. Rafe, on the other hand, had drugs and drinks. And you couldn't let go of that, for Rafe, unfortunately.

Rafe immediately understands that and he nods, understanding what you meant.

"Goodbye Rafe Cameron..."

_____________________

[genshinarchives]

Candace, Kaveh, Wanderer / gender-neutral reader.

Synopsis: Of all things, you became a seelie when you got isekai’d into your favourite game, Genshin Impact. You decide to make them fall for whatever charms you have left in hopes of being taken in as a pet to survive.

— ( Inspired by the manhwa Of All Things, I Became A Crow. Requests relating to this AU will be ignored. )

Headcanons: [ 1 ] / [ 2 ] / [ 3 ]

Scenarios: [ 1 ]

#CANDACE

Candace found you when a sandstorm had kicked up in Aaru village, with riftwolves roaming on the village grounds. You were desperately battling against the sandstorm whilst trying to avoid the riftwolves' jaws, and you would have become riftwolf chow had she not stepped in to save you. Like a true warrior of the Great Red Sand, she repelled the riftwolves' attacks with practised ease before offering a kind hand to you once they were taken care of.

Like any sane person would, you didn't hesitate to accept the protection she was willing to provide your seelie-turned self. Candace wouldn't mind you following her back to the inner part of Aaru Village since you're just a harmless little, albeit strange creature in her eyes - and she would be pleasantly surprised upon realising that you want to stay with her.

Candace would instantly warm up to you. How could she not, when all you've done is be cute give her and her people valuable companionship? She starts looking forward to seeing you play with the children during her morning patrols; now that you're here, Aaru Village is suddenly bursting with life as joyful laughter rings in the place of silence.

She appreciates it whenever you attempt to help her solve a dispute between two people, or decide to accompany her as she patrols the village to repel any threat. Although she commends your bravery, she'd be a little hesitant about letting you tag along when she's heading out during a sandstorm, worried that you might get hurt while she's fighting the monsters.

As Candace possesses an innate nature for taking care of others, you'll no doubt be living your best seelie life if she's the one you've chosen to stay with. You'd have your very own cushion to rest on in her room, and she'd even make a pouch that's big enough for you to hide in when there's danger. It'll eventually become a habit for her to call out to you whilst holding the pouch open, expecting you to pop inside every time she's about to go out.

She'd sometimes leave you in Cyno's or Dehya's care on her busy days. She trusts no one else but those two to take good care of you, and would make them promise that they won't let you stray from their sight. If anything bad happens to you while she's away... Well, they wouldn't want to find out.

Until you find a way to tell Candace your real name, she'd call you Iti, which means "moonlight" in Sumerian. After all, you are the silver light that made Aaru Village bloom in the darkest hour.

#KAVEH

Kaveh first met you when he was locked outside of Al-Haitham's house one night. As he was despairing over the fact that he's missing the spare key his roommate had given him, you floated up to him from behind with a familiar jingle which caught his attention. Earlier, you had come across Al-Haitham looking at Kaveh's key, and immediately snatched it out of his hand with the intention of giving it to Kaveh once you find him.

Kaveh has no idea what type of creature you are and felt slightly awkward when you held his key out with a tiny paw. At first, he doubted that it was his but when you insisted by shoving the key into his hand, he relented by taking it. He was surprised to find the door unlocked after he tried the key, and wondered how you knew it was the key to Al-Haitham's house and that he was looking for it; nevertheless, he was grateful to you. Kaveh didn't expect you to follow him inside however and when he noticed, he tried to shoo you away; he only stopped when you flew around the house and helped him tidy the spaces up (read: putting Al-Haitham's hard-to-read books back in their shelves) to the best of your ability. Huh, maybe having you around wouldn't be so bad, he thought, subconsciously petting you with a smile.

Kaveh gets another (mini) roommate. It'd take him a while to get used to living with a pet seelie, and once he does, he'll wake up expecting to see you sleeping adorably on his pillow, or balancing a fresh cup of coffee on your head by his bed. If you're still sleeping when he wakes up, he'd cuddle you like a teddy bear until you've roused yourself from your slumber. The little things you do for him would put him in a better mood than before, and Kaveh would also find himself smiling more often, especially if you're with him.

It'll be a plus if you've studied architecture, civil engineering or interior design back in the modern world. You'd be able to help him with his work and once he realises how intelligent you are, he'd teach you the common language of Teyvat so that the two of you could communicate better. Kaveh will eventually see you more as a companion instead of a pet, and he'd start introducing you as his assistant to his colleagues. Al-Haitham can go ahead and think of him as a lunatic for treating you like a human for all he cares.

Since Kaveh doesn't know what seelies are, he wouldn't know that you don't need to eat in order to live (more that you can't since you don't have a mouth...). He would try to share some of his food with you, but when he discovers that you can't eat, he'll feel a little bad about eating in front of you. He'd describe the taste of the food to you instead, and would occasionally make comments about you trying a certain dish out if you ever get a chance to be a human. In his free time, Kaveh would sometimes browse through the books on strange creatures in the Akademiya's library in hopes of learning more about your race.

Kaveh would feel absolutely betrayed if you show signs of favouring Al-Haitham over him. He won't hesitate to march up to the Scribe and pick a fight with him as he accuses Al-Haitham for trying to steal you from him; you're his seelie and assistant, so Al-Haitham should go get his own!

Later on, Kaveh would make a miniature Mehrak for you. It's not as advanced as his, but it has a text-to-speech function built in; it can scan texts and read them out loud for your convenience. He'll stick a matching feather accessory on you as well so that others will recognise you as his seelie, and it'll also allow him to track you down if Al-Haitham takes you away he ever loses you.

#WANDERER

While you were vibing with the aranaras, a Fatui pyro agent suddenly grabbed you out of nowhere. You didn't know why you were getting kidnapped when you're just hanging out with Sumeru's vegetables, and it wasn't until you heard him mention Dottore's name did you realise that he was one of the Doctor's subordinates. Fortunately for you, Wanderer happened to be passing by and ended up beating the pyro agent to oblivion as he reminded the puppet of his Fatui past, thus becoming your unconventional hero.

Although Wanderer would be silently questioning why you're following him, he wouldn't try to drive you away; he'd take you to Nahida and ask her about you. As the God of Wisdom, Nahida would know what you truly are after observing you for a bit, and tell Wanderer that you're a human who was cursed to take on this form. She notes that you're different from the other seelies and would ask him to watch over you while she looks into Irminsul. Begrudgingly, Wanderer accepts the babysitting task she has given him.

Now that he knows you're formerly a human, he would treat you like one... and rather coldly. But that's not enough to drive you away apparently, and Wanderer would be bewildered if you show him any form of affection. Nuzzle his cheek, sit on top of his hat, or push against his lips if you're feeling bold - the latter would fluster him so much that he'd refuse to look at you for the rest of the day.

Wanderer would eventually get used to your attention and expect you to stick with him since Nahida had trusted him to take care of you. Although you can't talk, he understands your intentions through your actions alone. Whether it'd be you wanting to check a vendor out on Treasures Street, to visit Nahida for whatever reason, or to decorate him with Sumeru roses... He'd throw the roses out later but secretly keep one as a memento of the time he spent with you.

Wanderer is surprisingly a good babysitter (or seeliesitter?). He keeps you safe from the Fatui and allows you to seek refuge under the shade of his wide-brimmed hat when it gets too hot during the day. If it becomes too chilly for you at night, he'd let you tuck yourself in his kimono. At one point, Wanderer laid himself down beside your slumbering self on the grass as he covered you with his hand.

If you try to fly off to chase after Aether or your favourite Sumeru character, Wanderer would block your path with his Anemo powers or stop you by grabbing your tail-like part. Don't get mad at him now, he's only trying to look after you like Nahida had asked. He's definitely not afraid of you abandoning him...

Nahida would be very happy to see Wanderer getting along with you, and would ask you to be a good friend to him as she also promises to find a way for you to regain your human form. It just so happens that Wanderer is thinking of the same thing - of helping you become human again.

Taglist: @coco-goat-milk / @m3gitsune / @melkxsh / @irethepotato / @frostines-blog / @xphantasmagoriax / @crunchy-princeles / @nanamisflowerfield / @dulcetamore / @beowers-spam / @sinnyrants / @chuusposts / @xiao-bedo / ​ @chocogi / @angelkazusstuff / @sunlightocean / @fxaavt / @localpansexualsniper / @kiraisastay / @huboi / @mintydump /

[clockwork-krow]

I've been thinking a lot about Kai and Morro again, and specifically their parallels (dangerous thing, I know) and I just really wanted to ramble about what I've taken to calling the inferno of destiny parallel.

As a beginner ninja, both Morro and Kai dealt with arrogance, recklessness, and anger. We see this in how Morro took extremely dangerous risks to get Wu to save him, with how he assumed he was to be the green ninja when Wu told him he believed Morro was to wear green, and how Morro reacted when the weapons didn't react to him (ripping off the sliding door). We see this in how younger Kai jumps into situations without a genuine plan, how he gets angry and often (literally) explodes with fire when something frustrates him, and how he kind of defaults to the coolest person on the team/the hot one/the center of attention/etc when that's just really the immature persona he's thrown up to try and be the best.

Both Morro and Kai want to be the best at what they can do, and when they heard about a chance to be even better than their original concepts of the best (becoming the Green Ninja), both of them jumped at it.

Morro trained so hard he ended up hurting the kids he was training against and worrying Wu

Kai tried so hard to be the green ninja he ended up placing unnecessary strain on his relationships and even went so far as to risk letting people get hurt/die because he was prioritizing what he thought might get him closer to being the Green Ninja (a competitive line of thinking that Kai's been known to buy into in addition to his constant needs to try to be the best in the situation before he matures) (btw I'm talking about him originally trying to get the fang blade instead of. yknow. the CHILD about to burn lol.)

So, where do we see the shift from heroic to villanous in these two suspiciously similar characters? Well, it's when both of them are placed in an inferno scenario where they have to choose between pursuing their perceived destiny and their true destiny; hence, the inferno of destiny parallel.

Morro

When Morro searches so long to try and find a way to become the Legendary Green Ninja and rewrite destiny, he eventually finds himself in the Caves of Despair. We don't have the details of what happened, but we see the ninja try to escape Morro's fate in season 5 episode 7 titled "The Crooked Path". Here we see them encounter geysers that are releasing poisonous gases at an alarming rate, and they also spray boiling water/steam out in addition to rising the temperature to an unbearable level in the cave. It's reasonable to assume that Morro experienced a cave-in due to the caves' lack of structural integrity (also experienced by the ninja)* and then was killed either from burns from the hot steam and/or due to inhaling too much of the dangerous gasses.

The point of Morro's inferno: Morro couldn't accept the fact that he was not destined to be the Green Ninja, so he wasn't willing to turn away from his perceived destiny to save his own life. He wouldn't leave the cave because he couldn't let go of the fact that his perceived destiny wasn't his true destiny.

Kai

When Kai trains and practices to become the Green Ninja, making rash decisions (like jumping down for the Fang Blade again) and reckless choices that hurt his relationships (like barricading himself into a room to fight Garmadon for… literally no reason other than his desire to be the Green Ninja), he eventually finds himself in a similar inferno: The Fire Temple. An ancient temple constructed inside a volcano that once held the Sword of Fire, this is where the fourth and final Fang Blade is located and where the ninja must fight against Pythor and the other Serpentine generals for it. The volcano begins to erupt and collapse in on itself, and Kai ends up with a choice: save young Lloyd from his inevitable death in the erupting volcano, or try to reach the Fang Blade before it ends up in the hands of Pythor. This is the critical moment* for Kai, as he has to choose between his percieved destiny (becoming the Green Ninja and getting the Fang Blade) or his true destiny (protecting Lloyd in the hopes of saving both of their lives). In the end, he chooses to give up the thing he'd been working towards for most likely months now to try and be the best in the favor of saving a kid that used to be a massive pain in the ass (no offense, little Lloyd).

The point of Kai's inferno: Kai gave up his perceived destiny in the end, and only then was he able to unlock his True Potential in addition to being able to escape the Fire Temple safely with Lloyd and himself still alive. He was able to save himself and Lloyd because he gave up something that had felt like such a core part of his being, that he believed was his destiny, even though it turned out not to be.

He even says this himself to Sensei Wu: "I knew when I had to make a choice. I wanted the Fangblade so badly, to prove I was good enough to become the Green Ninja. But then I figured it out. All of my training to become the best ninja wasn't in preparation to become the Green Ninja. It was… to protect him." (s1e10, titled "The Green Ninja")

Kai and Morro both experience infernos that threaten their lives and rely on their ability to relinquish their percieved goals in favor of the objectively best choice in the moment. Morro was unable to give up what he truly believed was his destiny, and he ended up dead and sent to the Cursed Realm as a result. Kai was able to give up what he had been working towards for so long, and was able to save his life and Lloyd's life (especially entertaining when you remember that Kai had to give up trying to be the Green Ninja to… save the Green Ninja, lmao)

The critical moment I noted with a * for both Kai and Morro is that this point is the moment where each of them have to decide what's more important to them: what they believe is their destiny, or what would save their life. Morro tried to push through to his "destiny" and became too hurt or sick from the fumes to escape, and eventually died there. Kai gave up his "destiny" and just barely managed to escape with his life and Lloyd's.

So yes, I love the inferno of destiny parallel quite a bit! All three of these characters are very near and dear to my heart and they're rotating in my brain like a rotisserie chicken lmao

[avatar-anna]

Bruises

"I feel so...hollow," you said, your voice breaking on the last word. "But—But like my feelings are so heavy they could drown me at the same time. I don't—I don't know when it started, but I can't remember how to be happy without waiting to be punished for it later."

Tears were tracking stains down your cheeks like small rivers, leaking out of your eyes faster than you could stop them. Not that you tried to, anyway, even that seemed exhausting. One thing you could do was avoid Harry's gaze. You felt it like a severe burn as he practically begged you to look at him, but you just couldn't. Not while you were so vulnerable. You felt stripped bare, even more so than the number of times the two of you had been intimate.

"Y/n—"

"Don't," you said, nearly leaping out of your skin when he rested a hand on your shoulder. You looked up at him then, saw the pain in his eyes at your rejection of his touch. But you couldn't handle it. Your soul felt raw as you said things you never thought you would out loud. "Please don't, I can't—"

Harry seemed to understand as he nodded and took a step back, but the concerned furrow of his brow remained, his fingers curling awkwardly at his sides. He'd always been the type to communicate through touch—a squeeze on the shoulder, a tip of your chin, a gentle nose nudge on your cheek, a hand never far away from your person. You knew that he craved touch to comfort people, and yet he stayed put. For that you were thankful, and it helped you find your words again.

"I don't know what's wrong with me," you said, almost too quietly for anything but your thoughts to hear. "I—I don't know why I'm feeling like this, or how I got here, I—I just feel like I'm stuck in this emptiness."

Saying all of that made you want to run and hide. Harry didn't need to know all this, how wrecked you really were inside. No one did. He was just someone who happened to be around when you were at your worst. Normally you were able to keep a lid on your darkest thoughts, but he'd come over when you were in the thick of it, and you couldn't exactly hide how you felt when you were crying uncontrollably for virtually no reason other than it was a Tuesday afternoon and life suddenly felt like one big chore.

Maybe it was the holiday, seeing everyone so happy, hearing songs about falling in love and kissing under mistletoes and commercials that said, "The perfect gift for that someone special!" Being surrounded by so much cheer only left you feeling more hollowed out, more lost than you'd ever thought you'd become.

"Y/n, why—why didn't you say something sooner?"

"Like what?" you laughed bitterly. "That I cry at the drop of a hat and can't handle light teasing from my friends? That I haven't felt right for weeks and getting out of bed feels like a chore? We—That's not who we are to each other. I—I have no one."

The words clanged around, grasping onto your heartstrings and convincing you it was true. You had friends and family, but when the darkness reared its ugly head, you always felt hopelessly and inescapably alone. Words deserted you when you needed them most, leaving you to smile and pinch your skin, trying your best not to cry in line at the grocery store or while sitting at your desk at work. It was all too much, too much to handle, and yet you didn't want anyone else but you to share that load, the weight of your inexplicable despair.

"Do you honestly think that?" Harry asked. You couldn't even dignify him with an answer. It had been humiliating to say it once, let alone look him in the eye and say it again. So you just shrugged and wiped your cheek. "You're my friend, Y/n, and I care about you. I'm sorry if I haven't done enough to make you know that."

"It's not just you, H," you sniffled, feeling bad for making Harry uncomfortable. It wasn't his job to make you feel better. Your problems were yours to bear alone. They always had been. "I don't—I don't know how to do this."

"Do what, love?"

Despite the discomfort of having shared so much, Harry's gentle voice felt like a warm blanket over your shoulders. It made you finally look up to meet his eye. You were surprised to see so much emotion held in them, but you didn't shy away from it like you thought you would. It helped fill that hollow ache a little, made you feel a little less alone.

"I don't know how to deal with this any other way," you said, trying to explain. "I don't...I hate sharing this stuff with people. It makes my skin crawl."

Your body felt heavy, your soul weary, as if no amount of shed tears or leaning on shoulders would ever ebb the emptiness that was taking over you. But you didn't want the pity. You didn't want anyone to worry or look at you differently because of how sensitive you tended to be sometimes. To deal with the myriad of moods that swung on a pendulum day to day, sometimes moment to moment. The pressure of feeling like you should reach out and ask for help was almost worse than the emptiness and despair.

"This is a good start," Harry said, inching just a tiny bit closer. "I just don't want you to think you can't talk to me. You can, Y/n, and I'll listen, or give you space, or help you find professional help, or do whatever it takes to make you smile. Just let me be here for you."

The notion didn't sit well with you at first. It wasn't how you dealt with things, though clearly your methods weren't working. That didn't make letting Harry in any less scary, or any easier. But Harry was still here. You'd broken down, shared just how broken you really were, and he was still here, asking to be someone for you to confide in.

Harry had been your friend for a long time. You ran in the same circles and saw each other often enough that you'd consider him to be someone you were close to. It wasn't until your arrangement that you got to know him more. You'd never had a friends with benefits situation before, but you never imagined it to be so easy. Rules had been sketched out, boundaries were made and kept, and things between you just seemed to work. Even when you didn't see each other for a week or two at a time, there was no awkwardness.

There was no jealousy at parties or possessiveness; you were exclusive, but okay with the idea of ending things should either of you meet someone you wanted to explore a relationship with. You and Harry just clicked—two friends who happened to sleep with each other, companions who could hold conversations about their jobs amicably, yet knew every inch of each other's bodies intimately. And now Harry was offering something more, something different.

Nodding, you said, "Thank you."

Harry gave you a small grin, then tentatively reached a hand out to wipe away a stray tear. You let him, not feeling like a startled animal anymore. You knew part of you should've felt embarrassed that Harry had caught you in such a state, that you'd let him see how broken and hurting you were on the inside, and maybe a small part of you did, but you mostly just felt like a weight had lifted off your chest.

"Can I get you anything? Maybe a cup of tea?" he asked, leading you over to your kitchen counter as if it was his home, not yours.

You let him, content to watch him move around your kitchen as if it was his own. He'd been over to your place enough times to know his way around and know how you took your tea.

Sitting in silence, you watched as Harry took a mug that looked like a gingerbread man and one that had a textured, cable-knit sweater design from your cabinet and fixed up two cups of tea. His shoulders flexed beneath his loose shirt, dark brown curls curving every which way at the nape of his neck. The familiarity of this moment was comforting after such an emotionally taxing and foreign afternoon. Harry was here as often as your busy schedules would allow, or you were at his place, neither of you concerned with how much time you spent together.

Though today you hadn't expecting to see him, hence the emotional breakdown. You didn't really plan those kinds of things, but you'd been feeling more down than usual and had been seeing Harry less and less recently as a result. Every text about a next meet-up, whether that was to get lunch or have sex or anything in between, had been rebuffed quickly and kindly. Today he'd shown up out of the blue.

"H?"

"Yeah?" he said, his back still to you.

"Why did you come over today? Y—You didn't text like you normally do."

Harry looked over his shoulder briefly, a small smile playing at his lips. "We hadn't seen each other in a while," he said breezily. "Which is fine, I know we're both busy, but I just had this distinct feeling you were avoiding me."

"I'm sorry," you said, finding it easier to say it when his back was to you. "I don't mean to do that."

"I know," Harry said, that same gentle and easy tone in his voice. "I've always known you're squirrelly about feelings."

You huffed at his choice of words, trying to focus on his humor rather than the fact that he seemed to know you better than you thought he did. You appreciated that he didn't state the obvious, which was that you went way past "squirrelly." The last hour had been emotionally taxing, and you appreciated that Harry offered you a modicum of normalcy.

"Thank you for checking up on me," you said. "You're a good friend, H."

Perhaps better than I deserve, was what you didn't say, because you knew he would scold you for even thinking it.

"Well, my visit wasn't totally innocent," Harry teased as he finally came over with two steaming mugs of tea, yours done just right. There was a faint blush on his cheeks, but didn't say anything more than that.

Raising your brows, you said, "Ah. You couldn't find anyone to watch Hallmark Christmas movies with you, could you?"

Harry chuckled into his mug, taking the excuse you both knew was a lie and ran with it. "Yeah, that's exactly it. I knew you'd understand."

"I wouldn't say to no a cheesy Christmas movie."

"Promise me you'll tell me when you're feeling like this again," Harry said a while later.

You could tell Harry was trying to hide his eagerness to pull you into your room and fire up your TV. His eyes scanned over you briefly, as if he was trying to assess where you were at mentally. It would be hard to see that stare, to know Harry had seen you at your lowest and would constantly be gauging if you were on the verge of another breakdown. But the thought didn't irritate you the way you thought it would. You were surprised to feel a little relieved that you weren't the only one taking care of you, at least for the time being.

You were huddled under a mountain of blankets together. Twinkly lights in your bedroom casting a warm light over you both. You'd meant to put them up earlier in the month, but hadn't made yourself get around to it, the small task falling to the wayside the same way a lot of your everyday chores did. Harry took one look at the forgotten box of lights and got to work, even going as far as putting a looped video of a roaring fireplace in his phone and setting it up next to your television. It was a little silly, and a tad over the top, but you appreciated it all the same, the lengths he was going to ease the ache in your chest as best he could.

He was practically on top of you now, but unlike the events of today, that was something you were used to. Harry liked to sprawl out, specifically with you underneath him—leg over your waist, arm tucked across you to keep you close, face buried in your neck or chin resting on top of your head. He insisted on draping himself over you like a blanket, even before you started sleeping together.

"I don't want to bother you—"

"Bother me, Y/n," Harry said, his voice gravelly as he gently turned your face to meet his gaze. "I'm not doing my job as your friend if I'm only with you when things are easy or—or good. You're not alone, okay? As long as I'm in your life, I'm in it. Good and bad."

"I'll try."

You tried to blink back tears, a little surprised you had any left to shed. Your face was undeniably puffy and a little dry, and you were tired in a different way than you had been the last few weeks. But these were different tears from earlier. A different emotion took over you as you nodded.

That seemed to satisfy Harry. He kissed your forehead, and you closed your eyes against it, allowing yourself to believe everything he'd said to you today.

You weren't magically fixed, that crushing weight was still waiting for you like a monster under your bed, but you weren't alone. Harry had turned the lights on, showing you that perhaps there was no shame in letting someone see the worst parts of you. Because he was still there, promising to hold your hand and help you until you felt whole again.

[anna-dreamer]

Finwean generational trauma is so real. I imagine, after Maglor and Maedhros kidnapped the twins, there was a clear and brutal understanding that that was not them giving those children a good life; but also, also, with Maglor and Maedhros being prone to the Oath, with their lives and souls tainted and fractured by bloodshed and murder and violence and loss and despair, they'd think there was no chance in the void for them to make something good out of it. Not with the Oath, not with the Doom, not with the way their father was. Their grandfather, due to whatever eldritch horror haunted his childhood in Endorë, felt that he had to have as many children as possible, so that his family would not fail and he wouldn't be left alone and scared in the dark. As a result, their father, abandoned and traumatised and angry, felt that he had to have as many children as possible, so that he would never be abandoned again, alone and scared in the dark. And he made sure of that. He had seven children, and he tied them up with an unbreakable Oath that would sooner destroy all of them than let them give up on him. So many hurts in this family were attempted to be healed with the use of children. And now here are Maglor and Maedhros. Alone and scared in the dark. True, there are two little boys on their hands, yet they have already wronged these boys so deeply. If there is a small chance of salvation or even redemption through them, Maglor and Maedhros would not take it. Besides, it would not work anyway. Refusing to repeat the old pattern is a first step in the right direction, and on itself it wouldn't be enough, but...

But then Eärendil appears in the sky. This is Elrond and Elros' father up there - and at the same time there is Fëanor too, because it's the silmaril that shines, the unobtainable, unreachable, illusory silmaril, like a father Maglor and Maedhros still desperately long for. Oh, but he will not come back. He is as far away as any star in the sky. The twins can't have their father back, and neither can the last two Fëanorians.

And then it hits Maglor. True, his brother and him are Doomed. True, there is probably no happy ending for them two. But it doesn't have to be this way for Elrond and Elros. With whatever strength and will to live and hope that he has left, he will try to do better by them. Maedhros would try to argue, but Maglor would tell him, They did not have Fëanor for a father! And they will not.

He can only hope that his genuine love and care he will give to the twins is just enough for them to turn out better than Maglor and Maedhros did. Maglor and Maedhros took them in. Now they are responsible. They will try. If redemption comes, it's not through acquiring someone to love you, but through loving them as sincerely and selflessly as your broken heart can. And if redemption doesn't come at all, so be it. It was not about redemption anyway. The second step, to consciously break the chain, is made.

Alas, it does not work as well on Maedhros. He doesn't feel this bittersweet bliss. He has fallen too deep into despair. And as soon as Elrond and Elros are gone, it becomes not enough for Maglor to heal either. He has just enough hope left to argue with his brother whether or not to go for silmarils. But all those last years spent alone with Maedhros sucked a lot out of Maglor, and nothing is left, apart from the feverish devotion, Nelyo knows better, Nelyo always knew better, like a dark shadow of Father always knows better, we will follow him and we will die for him if needed... No matter that Maedhros is not in his right mind. Neither was Fëanor. Their father's Oath is intertwined with their love for each other, and it binds them together ever stronger. Maglor would not leave Maedhros. But Maedhros loves his brother too. He might have not been healed by a star, but he is still Nelyo. The big brother. And while he could not break any vicious circles with his life, but with his death, for his last surviving brother, he would try.

It was not enough for Maedhros or Maglor. But it was enough for Elrond and Elros. With them, Finwean generational trauma was healed. The chain was broken. And i firmly believe that, despite their own trauma, both ultimately had healthy and happy families.

And if Maglor is still out there, Elrond will find him. He will finish what Maglor - his father - has started.

[yandere-romanticaa]

I need to talk about ADA! Dazai and Beast! Dazai because Beast ruined me beyond repair.

ADA! Dazai is like a beautiful red rose which caught your eye - you wish to have it, to pluck it, but it's so easy to forget that roses have very, very sharp thorns. Dazai has many people around him but a tiny few he can confidently say he trusts.

Which is why he might just be a bit prickly at the start.

Don't get me wrong, he is still the same old Dazai you first met. Confident, flirty, intelligent, a giant tease! Life is a breeze with him, there isn't anything in the world which Dazai can't do or crack wide open. It's so easy to spill all of your deepest, darkest secrets to him, so easy to open up and become dependent on him.

But just when you think you have him figured out, you're right back to square one.

ADA! Dazai, who does not know what to do with himself or you for that matter. How fun and cute you are, your crush is so obvious. He can't help it, he just has to tease you, you always give him the best reactions. He chooses to be careful with you in the beginning, think of dipping your toes in cold water for the first time.

Time passes and Dazai opens himself up to you. You are finally allowed to caress his scarlet red petals albeit with his thorns still in the way. They prickle and hurt, they may even leave a scar or two in their way but you don't care. Loving Dazai is like a drug, once you get a taste you can never get enough. The constant need for his attention and validation is just too intoxicating and Dazai is none the wiser.

Beast! Dazai though... Where do I even start?

This man and his love, to me at least, kind of feels like the lyric "Here comes the sun, she's the brightest star of them all." from the song Sonne by Rammstein.

There is absolutely nothing this man won't do for you and I mean it.

Beast! Dazai is terrifying and he knows it. He regularly uses and manipulates his authority and throws threats around like candy, particularly if his subordinates decide to question why on Earth would he settle for someone like you. You, his sweet, precious, darling, addicting little you, the reason why his heart beats and why he decides to take a breath and live the life he wants to live... As much as he can, that is...

Beast! Dazai uses your fear as a leverage and toys with you in a similar fashion to ADA! Dazai but there is a grim feeling to it, kind of like sticky black tar, it never leaves your person. He never allows you to breathe because he simply must be with you all day, every day. The sheer intensity of his stare alone is something worthy of the history books as even some of the most seasoned and battle hardened mafiosos can't help but to be off put by their boss. Everything is crystal clear right from the get go, anyone who messes with you messes with him, the Port Mafia boss himself and they will answer for their crimes no matter how miniscule they may be.

Beast! Dazai, who is desperate for you and your love but never manages to tell you. Instead he chooses to isolate you, to make you dependent on him so that you can have no one to turn to other than him. ADA! Dazai is at least sensible enough to understand that yes, personal choice actually does matter even if he will have it play out how he wants to in the end but Beast! Dazai does not have the time for that shenaniganary! He hides his despair and need for you like a true master of all lies and trickery. He tells you he could kill you immediately, put a bullet in your head and find someone else to screw with and you believe him.

How can you not?

Never in a million years could you predict that this man was ready to destroy the world for you and create it anew, that no one else in this world, this universe could ever replace you.

You, his sun, moon, star, his heart. His everything. And you will never know. But that's okay because Dazai knows. And he will always keep you close, forever and always.

🕊️ TAGS: @yanroma, @oneoftheprettynerds, @misdollface, @sxy0ung, @rosemary108233, @itssara-chan

[poohsources]

🐝  *  ―  𝑨𝑽𝑨𝑻𝑨𝑹: 𝑻𝑯𝑬 𝑳𝑨𝑺𝑻 𝑨𝑰𝑹𝑩𝑬𝑵𝑫𝑬𝑹 𝑺𝑬𝑵𝑻𝑬𝑵𝑪𝑬 𝑺𝑻𝑨𝑹𝑻𝑬𝑹𝑺.

❛  i'm angry at myself!  ❜ ❛  it's easy to do nothing, it's hard to forgive.  ❜ ❛  you miscalculated. i love them more than i fear you.  ❜ ❛  there is nothing wrong with letting the people who love you help you.  ❜ ❛  but now you're not letting yourself feel anything. i know sometimes it hurts more to hope and it hurts more to care. but you have to promise me that you won't stop caring.  ❜ ❛  my own mother thought i was a monster ... she was right of course, but it still hurt.  ❜ ❛  in the darkness, hope is something you give yourself.  ❜ ❛  never forget who you are, for surely the world won't.  ❜ ❛  why am i so bad at being good?  ❜ ❛  it is important to draw wisdom from different places. if you take it from only one place, it becomes rigid and stale.  ❜ ❛  sometimes the best way to solve your own problems is to help someone else.  ❜ ❛  and now you have come to the crossroads of destiny. it's time for you to choose.  ❜ ❛  you may not always see the light at the end of the tunnel, but if you keep moving, you will come to a better place.  ❜ ❛  protection and power are overrated. i think you are very wise to choose happiness and love.  ❜ ❛  get over here, [ name ]. being part of the group also means being part of group hugs.  ❜ ❛  stop! stop it right now! what's wrong with you? we don't have time for fun and games with the war going on.  ❜ ❛  i'm too young to die!  ❜ ❛  in my country, we exchange a pleasant 'hello' before asking questions.  ❜ ❛  i didn't know what or when, but i knew i'd know it when i knew it!  ❜ ❛  the past can be a great teacher.  ❜ ❛  when we hit our lowest point, we are open to the greatest change.  ❜ ❛  there really is no fathoming the depths of my hatred for this place.  ❜ ❛  failure is only the opportunity to try again, only more wisely this time.  ❜ ❛  i wanted to take out all of my anger on them. but i couldn't. i don't know if it's because i'm too weak ... or if it's because i'm strong enough not to.  ❜ ❛  look [ name ], you're going to fail a lot before things work out. even though you will fail over and over again, you have to try every time. you can't quit because you're afraid you might fail.  ❜ ❛  while it is always best to believe in oneself, a little help from others can be a great blessing.  ❜ ❛  you must never give in to despair. allow yourself to slip down that road, and you surrender to your lowest instincts.  ❜ ❛  if we knew each other back then, do you think we could have been friends too?  ❜ ❛  you know, [ name ], i don't care what anyone else says about you. you're pretty smart.  ❜ ❛  if i try, i fail. if i don't try, i'm never going to get it.  ❜ ❛  let your anger out, and then let it go. forgive him.  ❜ ❛  pride is not the opposite of shame, but rather its source. true humility is the only antidote to shame.  ❜ ❛  life happens wherever you are, whether you make it or not.  ❜ ❛  the greatest illusion of this world is the illusion of separation. things you think are separate and different are actually one and the same.  ❜ ❛  you stand alone. that has always been your greatest weakness.  ❜ ❛  bad skin? normal teenagers worry about bad skin, i don't have that luxury.  ❜ ❛  in my dream, we were right in the middle of the invasion, and you stopped to use the bathroom. we die because of your tiny bladder.  ❜ ❛  you need to find someone who waits and listens before striking.  ❜ ❛  everyone has to be treated like they're worth giving a chance.  ❜ ❛  i don't need luck, though. i don't want it. i've always had to struggle and fight, and that's made me strong. it's made me who i am.  ❜

[traumaboyexo]

CIRCLES UPON CIRCLES: LONESOME GLOW

[[No idea what the exact story or plan is for Loop in the @circlesuponcircles AU, but I really liked the idea of Loop being trapped in the Orrery room and I wanted to do something for it. It's a little short but I hope you like it.]]

You push the smallest ball on the strange sculpture once again. The entire figure spins once again. You watch as it goes round and round once again.

Round and round and round.

You've been doing this for the past few hours. At least you think it's been a few hours. It could only have been a few minutes. You can barely tell anymore.

You watch as the figure of orbs slowly comes down to a stop, motionless, silent.

You flick the smallest ball once more.

For a moment, you consider kicking the entire thing over in rage. You consider throwing it against the wall and watching it shatter into a a small pile of debris, letting the orbs aimlessly roll around the floor.

It'd be far more entertaining that whatever has happened so far. It'd be new.

You want to scream.

Alone. You don't remember how long you've been alone but it's been very, very long. Not another voice than your own. Not another sound than the ones you make.

You almost heard their voices once, in the midst of your madness. You thought you were there, with you. That for a moment, you weren't alone.

It's sickening. It's disgusting. It's horrifying.

It just needed to be on the other side. The question that you could answer. To open this door. Why couldn't it have been inside? Why was this prison made?! Why are you even here?!

You so hopelessly wish to bash your head against the door until one of them breaks apart and crumbles. To know that no matter which outcome occurs, it'll all be over for you.

You need to get out. You need to get out. You need to get out. You need to get out. You need to get out. You need to get out.

...you take a deep breath.

It doesn't help anymore. But you can act like it does. For the sake of yourself.

You get off the floor and walk towards the stupid novel. You've practically memorised most of the story at this point. You could almost read it by heart by now.

The person creates another them. They finally have somebody to talk to. They get into a heated fight. They separate and betray each other. Then they cry become friends again.

Reading it nearly makes you wish to see them again. Your other half. They must be outside now. Having fun. Spending time with their family. Maybe he'll let you out if you knew you were here! Maybe he'll be able to read the words.

How many times have you told yourself hope wasn't healthy. That the more you continue to wish, the more they won't come true. Just the same pain and despair and agony and vile feelings.

You look towards the walls. Once, you had hoped the scrolls in this room would hold an answer to escape. Maps of the stars, every single one. And so you plastered them across like posters, aligning and arranging every single one. Praying, wishing, hoping.

Nothing. Not a clue. Not a sign. Not the answer. Almost like a cruel joke.

And so you tore into them, scratching them like a wild animal and throwing them off the walls.

And then, soon after that, you looked towards the books on shelf. Every single of them was worthless, books from every topic, from various studies on the stars and planets, the concepts of infinity, mathematics, a textbook on pure physics. Useless, useless, useless. Not a single sentence or word even explained your situation.

And so you brought the entire shelf down. Toppling over and breaking as soon as it hit the floor.

Would it have been worse if it had been fully frozen in time? Your efforts to break it, made futile and meaningless?

You don't even want to comprehend it.

You just want to cry.

You slowly drag yourself over to the door, and slump down with your back against it.

You begin to break down into tears. Why did this happen to you? Why would the Universe forsake you in this manner? Was this your part to play in this sick world? Was this your fate, your destiny determined?

What a shitty role to be cast into.

...footsteps. Voices. From behind the door.

...it couldn't be. And yet it was.

It was them. It had to be.

But they wouldn't be able to open the door. There was no point. It was hopeless, after all.

...but maybe there's something you could after all. The very thing you're meant to do, that you promised to do.

Perk up, little star.

It's showtime.

[fartistt]

MAKE YOU MINE!

would you take someone else's hand if you had the chance?

fem reader

warning(s): fanon personality, fanon name, i'm writing this fic literally hours after the video dropped we deadass know nothing about this guy -🍝

if you enjoyed reading this fic, please consider donating to providing aid in palestine!

skelly, as much as he hates to admit it, has to come face-to-face with the fact that his little pumpkin patch has developed a bit of a trespasser issue. normally he wouldn’t mind—after all, what kind of pumpkin king would he be if he weren’t to share the spoils and wonders of his humble kingdom with the rest of his people—if it weren’t for the fact that whoever kept romping about his lovely abode wasn’t like the other pumpkin patch visitors.

see, skelly considers himself to be a gracious host. he is the pumpkin king, and the duty of any good ruler is to ensure that everyone within the gates, or in his case: sprawling fence, of his kingdom is enveloped in joy thanks to his wise governing. be they the resident mice or a lost passerby, his responsibility is to make sure they all leave with a wide grin. macabre perhaps, but his best dealings are in sparking happiness through the morbid. 

but you.

each time you come to his pumpkin patch, you come ready to burst into tears. your eyes are watery and glossy, vision undoubtedly blurry as you stumble over the pumpkins through the pitch black dark of the night. the first few times you’d come to the safe haven of his pumpkin kingdom to sniffle your eyes out, he ignored it. he figured you came here after something sad to cheer yourself up and would want space more than the consolation of a pale, creepy lonesome man, but once it becomes a semi-routinely occurrence, he makes the sage decision that now your issues have fallen under his jurisdiction.

isn’t he such a benevolent ruler? he knows it’s wrong to find excitement in someone’s despair, but he can hardly remember the last time he’s had a proper, breathing human visitor. it’s like fate, like destiny itself has drawn you from whatever it is causing you this much sadness and into the soothing comfort of his soon-to-be embraces.

“don’t you worry ‘bout a thing, sweet darling. i’ll be right there,” he hums to no one in particular when the quiet sounds of your clumsy footsteps alert him to your reentrance into his pumpkin patch. he thinks that he looks rather dapper, dressed to the nines in his finest tattered suit and pulling on a matching pair of gloves decorated with bone motifs. “your dearest king is but your humble servant. soon enough, i shall turn that melancholy of yours into unabated joy for none other than me. a far better outcome than whatever is ailing you, don’t you agree?”

there’s no one to respond to him, but he still stretches his dry lips into a satisfied smile. the final touch is his trusty pair of dark sunglasses. a good king never shows his true emotions even during the simplest of diplomatic journeys. that, and he doesn’t want to scare you with his bright orange eyes from the get-go.

it doesn’t take him long to find you. you’re planted in the heart of the pumpkin patch, ensconced and hidden away in the comfort of the long shadows of the night, hunched over and wiping futilely at your eyes while big fat tears drip over your waterline. the sight of you crying makes skelly’s heart wrench inside of his chest. what in the world could possibly make such a sweet creature like you cry like this?

he clears his throat. he’s a gentleman, and he doesn’t want to scare away his lone guest. “my dear… what’s troubling you?”

his voice is soft and careful, but it still makes you gasp and jerk away reflexively. he doesn’t blame you: the last thing you’re expecting during your nightly trips to what you probably assumed was an abandoned pumpkin patch would be a tall, lanky man hovering over you while you cried. he stays in his place and holds his hands up in mock surrender as if to signal to you that he has no foul intentions.

you wipe at your eyes and peer up at him through your clumped lashes, the serene moonlight bouncing off of your wet cheeks. your voice wavers and cracks, “who… who are you?”

“oh! i’m so sorry,” he gasps, placing a hand over his heart. “where are my manners? you may call me skelly. i’m the ruler of this quaint pumpkin patch, so to say. some even call me the pumpkin king. a bit pompous, if i do say so myself. i’d say that maybe you’ve heard of me, but given how surprised you are… i’d wager that you haven’t.”

he flashes you an innocent smile. you know the smart thing would be to run and never look back, but when he squats down so that he’s eye level with you, some part of you can’t bring yourself to muster the strength to flee. you’re already this miserable, what’s the use in trying to wade off an inevitable end?

“so what brings you here? this isn’t the first time i’ve heard you sobbing your heart out. it makes me rather upset to see you this distraught. i’ll lend you an ear, so tell me your troubles.” you can make out the slight glint of his eyes past the dark lenses of his glasses. “maybe i can help you out.”

you bite the inside of your cheeks. your mind is frankly too frazzled to think things through too thoroughly, but you still know better than to spill your deepest darkest secrets to some stranger that crept up on you in the dead of the night in the middle of nowhere. but at the same time, you’re only here because you’re at your wit’s end with nobody to turn to, and a chance encounter like this with a seemingly benevolent being might be your last straw to grasp at desperately.

you suck in a nervous breath. “it’s… it’s silly, really. nothing that the- uh- pumpkin king needs to concern himself over. i’m being dramatic.”

his dry lips twist into a frown as he peers at you. “i doubt it’s anything silly if it’s enough to make you cry like this. you can tell me everything. i promise it. take a chance on me, why don’t you?”

you gaze up at him. his white skin, the strands of his snow white hair, the outline of his body, the silhouette of dark suit and all of the pale ribbons cascading from his chest all seem to glow under the illumination of the night. every part of his man, from his painted smiles to his practiced words, are too good to be true. it makes him look almost deceptively angelic, poised perfectly so that you have no choice but to hand over yourself to him. you should know better than to gamble on something that’s not guaranteed, but you’ve chosen security before only to be stabbed in the back mercilessly.

you swallow back whatever fear bubbles up from the depths of your heart. 

“um… i go to a school nearby. night raven college. it’s an all boys school. maybe you’ve heard of it,” the words tumble from your lips clumsily. your heart thunders inside of your chest. “i’m from… somewhere really far away. i can guarantee you haven’t heard of it. no one ever has. the headmaster promised me that he’d help me go home in time, but it’s been so long without any progress. i’m starting to think i’ll never go home.”

you sniffle and hang your head, wanting to bury your face back in your arms. you mumble under your breath, “and… i don’t want to speak badly of anyone… but i’m sick of the students at the school too. they’re all mean and selfish, and i’m just tired. i’m tired, skelly.”

something in his unmoving dead heart stirs slightly when you sigh out his name. he reaches over and places a soothing hand on your shoulder, and a shudder creeps down your spine when you feel just how cold his body is even through the layers of his gloves. it’s like ice against your skin, the grips of frost tracing your body.

“homesickness, is it? i don’t think your sadness is silly at all. it must have hurt you so badly to have to endure everything in such an unwelcoming place. poor thing,” he coos. “no wonder you come here so often. you must have suffered so much if you preferred being alone like this over spending another night in that awful school… if only i knew sooner! i would have done so much  more to make you feel welcome.”

you shake your head. “it’s not your fault. i was the one who was too trusting from the beginning. i… i should have never taken the headmaster’s hand through the mirror.”

you feel pitiful under his gaze, but at the same time, you can’t help but feel a knot deep inside of you loosen slightly at his honeyed words. it’s childish, to want to be pitied and cared for, but simultaneously, this was the bare minimum of everything you wanted. all you had asked was for a place to make your own while you waited for a way to return home, and even that much was too much to ask for from the incompetent schoolmaster and his equally intolerable students.

skelly smoothes down the fabric of your clothes on your shoulder, each stroke of his long fingers like the unforgiving touch of winter. it’s like he’s trying to comfort you, but you fight off the urge to shiver under his hand. 

“say…,” he starts after a pause of silence, “i know a pumpkin patch is a far cry from the amenities of a school, but if you don’t want to go back… you don’t have to. i know it’s sudden, and you surely don’t have to give me an answer right away if you don’t want to. but what if you were to stay here with me?”

you freeze. you blink slowly, twisting your head so that you’re looking at skelly again. he offers you a placid grin, shrugging his shoulders slightly. 

“stay here…?” you mumble. “with you?”

“precisely, my dear. i’ve been growing quite lonely all by myself too. i think we have a perfect deal! a pumpkin queen to a pumpkin king,” his words take on a more lively note. your stomach churns, and skelly claps his hands together. “i would never mistreat you the way those silly boys do. i’m a gentleman, first and foremost. i’ll make you feel at home right away. you won’t even have the time to miss that school and all of the misery it's put you through.”

temptation. you wish you were smarter. more resilient. more grounded to know better than to be swayed by the offer of a total stranger. but you’re at your rope’s end, and anything sounds better than the gilded cage that night raven college has become to you. would it be so bad to take a chance elsewhere? to follow a man who solemnly swears that you can put all of your suffering behind you if you only have the faith to look towards him without any regrets or doubts?

as if he can read your mind, skelly stands up and turns back towards you. he crouches down slightly, dipping forward into a subtle bow, and he holds out a gloved hand towards you.

this scene is all too familiar to you. it harkens you back to the first night you landed in this universe, everything warped and unlike anything you’ve ever seen before. the all knowing moon, the darkness threatening to swallow you whole, a dark robed stranger with promises of salvation dripping from their lips, and a chance to take back some semblance of control of your life that’s jumped from your reach. instead of a mirror, your reflection stares back at you with a lifelessness from the wide glass lenses hiding skelly’s eyes. 

it’s like you never learn, and a sense of foreboding washes over you as the pumpkin king’s disarming smile widens.

a hand extended to you. a hand taken.

this time around, you hope you’ve chosen correctly.

x

if you enjoyed reading this fic, please consider donating to providing aid in palestine!

[rainystarters]

๋࣭ ⭑𓆩✧𓆪🗡ྀ࿔ 〖 stories and songs . . . 〗 a collection of sentence starters inspired by various codex entries from the dragon age rpg series. some prompts usfw. adjust details as necessary.

the wind that stirs their shallow graves carries their song.

heed our words, hear our cry.

oh, fair damsel of the garden!

surely your work is far too vital to be interrupted by one like me.

i was a fool to pluck that flower.

you are not a man known for your honor.

you allowed me to live once, and so now i do the same for you.

i am humbled by your words.

but some things cannot be repent.

there is something in here with us.

death is certain, either way.

you have been my rock and my shield.

strike true, do not waver. and let not your prey suffer.

as the sapling bends, so must you.

you are lost, and soon you will fade.

go forth and claim the empty throne of heaven.

you have brought doom upon the world.

magic exists to serve man, and never to rule over him.

they shall find no rest in this world or beyond.

there is but one truth.

all things in this world are finite.

each night in dreams you may always remember me.

the light shall lead you safely.

i am but your faithful servant.

if blood must be shed and used, so be it.

step away from this folly, before it consumes us all.

i long to dance with you beneath the moonlight.

do not despair. for it is not you, it is of me.

my most heartfelt apologies for the ripped bodice.

such depravity i have never been forced to suffer!

let them hunt, and dread finding me.

truth will hold you for that is what truth does.

i shouldn't have doubted your resolve.

please accept my humble apologies.

in truth, it is i who has been most vulnerable.

the seals are already weakening.

it must be protected at all costs.

of unknown metal and magic keen, a finer blade there's never been.

any army is only as good as its equipment.

blessed by the vine in spring, i shall not fear the winter's sting.

only fools ignore the history of the ground they walk and the people they meet.

i could use an extra pair of eyes to keep watch at night.

i hope they found peace.

blessed are they who stand before the corrupt and the wicked and do not falter.

in blood, my will is written.

we are forever in your graces.

the oath you have taken is all but broken.

can you be forgiven when the cold grave has come?

once we raised up our chalice in victory.

why change the past when you can own this day?

the wolves are our allies.

always keep an eye out for the noble owl.

nothing burns like the first cup.

gallows master, hold they hand. hold it back awhile.

look away, look into the sun.

you know we all are dying.

alas, i cannot stay.

we'll beat down the bastard, and then we'll get plastered!

what of the old secrets the burn in our hearts?

now we pray for a dawn that will never arrive.

but it is our blood he seeks.

you will realize the smiles are false, and behind them lies revenge.

for all your fancy intrigue, you have spent your life creating nothing of worth.

it moves on without you, uncaring.

who could bear the weight of a people destroyed by his hand?

what was your vision of our purpose?

so buy the lads a round.

i'm ashore for the night and seeking company.

i'd still rather die.

why be what i am when i can be more?

have you threatened to cut out anyone's tongue today?

for have i not grown in skill and measure?

binding a demon of higher power is dangerous...

let it be my choice to have served and died.

i'm not staying to watch you die like a fool.

the undead you have been fighting are people i killed with my own hands.

here is my soul, trapped in a cage of bone.

turn around, face the shadows. don't blink.

just going to lie here for a while.

chopping off their heads should do the trick.

i am empty, filled with nothing.

arrogance becomes our end.

i'm here to die. but i won't go quietly.

i don't want to die like this.

cry for the past; only there does glory dwell.

so the forest grows, a reflection of our might.

mourn the past and all that was left there.

mastery of the self is mastery of the world.

suffering is choice and we can refuse it.

pride disguises itself in its surety.

[afyrian]

ch. 4 - shelter and food, the essentials m.list

  rain trickles down outside of your shop, running down the awning and puddling on the concrete. you stare out at the rain, fiddling with your key. either you can run to your car and head back to your apartment, preparing an instant ramen in despair, or let the allure of 'onigiri miya' finally get to you. the warm lights inside rest lightly on your eyes, a smile on your lips.

  you can imagine the candles, the aroma of the food. it all seems so beautiful, pulling you in like a siren’s call. however, you can’t help but know that you’ll have to wake up early, work on some plates and trinket dishes. that eating out will leave you tired in the morning, begging for a day off-

  “y/n! you okay out here? i have an umbrella if ya need one,” osamu pops the door open, a broom in his hand, hat raised up slightly. 

  you look between him and the building rain, the trickle quickly turning to a pour, “oh yeah! just wondering what i’d do for dinner. instant ramen is quickly becoming a favorite of mine.”

  osamu props the door open with the broom, taking a few steps towards you. his body standing next to yours radiates a little heat, his arms crossed in front of his chest. “well i can make you something instead, it might be a little better… the shop is closed, so i wouldn’t have to worry about any orders,” he looks over at you, admiring the way the light bounces off of your hair. 

  “uh- okay, yeah.”

  going in, checking it out almost feels like a betrayal. a betrayal to your integrity and want to fight for the quiet that you used to achieve. a betrayal to your knowledge of the world, the understanding that starting something like this could only end in heartbreak. however, betrayal has never felt so good when following him inside.

  the initial smell is a pleasant affront on the senses. like a swirl of delight lingers in the air, carrying you to the counter like a delicious dish of vegetable karaage. you purse your lips as you look over at osamu, “so, what are you thinking for dinner?”

  he puts up his pointer fingers in a motion of ‘just you wait’. osamu hurries to what you believe to the be the kitchen, giving you a moment to look around the front of the shop. it’s built beautifully, fake architectural designs are built into the walls. they blend in with the rest of the decor perfectly, the soft yellows matching that of their uniforms. 

  however, your inspection comes to a quick close as osamu walks out from the kitchen. his towel is on his shoulder again, hand reaching up to wipe something from his forehead. as soon as you see him, you swallow whatever saliva is still in the back of your throat, tingles running up your fingers. something about him in his uniform sends your heart racing. 

  you don’t even notice the spare apron in his hands at first, your eyes looking between his upper arms and face. “a gift for tonight, since we’ll be in the kitchen,” he holds it out, letting you loop the top loop around your neck, “here, let me get that tied for you.”

  something about this, the whole thing, feels right. the way he's standing there, hands grazing your shirt as he ties the apron around you. or his cocky smile that isn't necessarily annoying to look at when you turn around. or maybe even his slightly tilted head as he leans into the situation.  

  "thanks, i would hate to get oil on my paint covered clothes," you can't even hide the rush you feel in this moment, wondering if this is what happened for all of your friends, if this is what genuinely liking someone feels like. 

  with your little joke, he shakes his head, turning around to show you the kitchen. it is true, your clothes are already ruined, but the act is what brings a smile to your face. that he thought of you, thought to protect the things you own. 

  osamu's quick to show you why his restaurant is popular. the remaining smells of the store compare poorly with the fresh scent of the negi miso onigiri. the way he cooks so confidently while chatting about the origins of the dish, and how he changed it to fit his style and taste. a history lesson and dinner rolled into one as you lean against a counter, chin resting in the palm of your hand.

  listening to him talk sounds therapeutic, like music to the ears. the way his hand moves as he speaks, showing emphasis with every word. just watching him cook makes you lose your breath, gasping for a moment of clarity. "oh, so how long has this been your passion? cause the knowledge you have about it is truly amazing," you bite your lip, watching as he turns back to you.

  taking a step towards the counter, osamu leans down with you, resting his forearms on the table, "for a while, since i was young. i enjoyed other things, but cooking was a comfort for me, especially after a long week of practices."

  "well, you seem to carry a lot of finesse when you cook. i mean those techniques are completely unheard of to me, a complete amateur," you shrug, staring right into his eyes, feeling nervous when you can't seem to look away.

  there's something about the way he smiles at you as he tries to take the compliment. the way osamu’s gaze flickers between your lips and your eyes, like he doesn’t know which one to focus on. you can’t help but do the same, wondering if his lips taste like how his cooking smells. savory and with a hint of sweetness. 

  you feel yourself gravitate towards him, body inching forward over the counter, eyes closing. just as you’re about to reach each other, see each other in a completely different light, a smoky smell fills the room. not a good smoky, like a delicious barbecue, but rather one of burnt food.

  “oh shit!” osamu stands up straight, grabbing an oven mitt and grabbing the hot pan, moving it to another spot on the oven. 

  he looks back at you, lips parted as his teeth clench, “i’m so sorry about this, really, i ever burn food.”

  “i would never assume you do, osamu,” you cross your arms in front of your chest, feeling the thick material of the apron, “but how about we take this as a raincheck? i’d like to try your food without a burning smell in my nose..”

a/n: ahhh i really liked this chapter <33 like i just thought it was so cute taglist: @causenessus @osakis-gf @eggyrocks @brkfclub @marisabel14

@bbybibi @etoiile @miyamoratsumuu @girlokarina @gsyche

@cherrypieyourface @zephestia @acowboykisser @whosmarjj @gumiiiiezzzz

@guitarstringed-scars

[mvjerbs]

I can't take it anymore.

I have nimona aus in my head that are just making me shake in place because I have to hold back the urge to scream and run around. I need to share them, might draw them soon if I can.

I'll start with Shapeshifter!Ballister au:

same events happened but with Ballister being the shape shifter.

despite being the monster that everyone feared, Ballister still believed that he can change the mindset of people by becoming a knight and protecting them. So he snuck in and, through the power and kindness of the queen(bless her), he was given a chance to become a knight.

he plans to reveal his true self once he accomplishes a big goal which is to save people from a great danger and gain their trust.

during the knighting of knights when the queen got killed, Ballister escaped by shapeshifting which made the people panic because "aaaa the monster is here and he is a part of the knights!". (Am torn if I should let him lose his arm or not)

ballister hides away in a tower that he accidentally stumbles upon.

the tower turns out to be nimona's hideout (she's human here).

nimona is an outcast orphan and infamous troublemaker that ambrosius had to constantly catch, but despite that, both are close to one another.

ambrosius is aware of her problems and is trying to help her out. So he's pretty soft for her.

she found him and recognized him as the shapeshifter in the news. she immediately asked him to shapeshift cause she thinks it's cool.

upon hearing what happened, nimona helps Ballister in proving his innocence.

skip to the part where he and nimona argue, Ballister tries to push her away because nimona almost died and that he starts to accept that he really is a monster who is bound to bring destruction and despair wherever he goes.

nimona tries to argue back but the institute found the hideout, Ballister escapes to the wishing well.

consumed in his grief, he transforms into a monster and enters the kingdom. Instead of walking to the statue to kill himself like what nimona did in the movie, he stays in one place instead and let's the institute kill him.

ambrosius notices how Ballister just stayed in one place and did not attack at all. It made him reconsider because it's literally the love of his life, they spend years together and there was not a single moment where Ballister had harmed him at all.

he ordered the knights to stand down but was ignored as they shoot Ballister, who in turn cried in pain. It made ambrosius's heart ache. He begged them to stand down

ballister stands up and shows his weak point so the knights can kill him. Ambrosius yells out.

but before they can shoot Ballister and kill him, nimona rushes in to stop everything. She talks him out of killing himself and ballister turns back into a human again.

both hugged and cried in each other's arms, meanwhile ambrosius looks at them from a far. He wants to hug Ballister and apologize for everything that he had done to him but opted to stay at a distance because he doesn't want to disturb them.

ballister looks up though and he can tell that ambrosius really wants to apologize and make things right. Nimona notices this tension and goes to ambrosius to nudge him towards ballister.

he approached ballister before stopping in a few inches to leave some space between him and Ballister. He apologized to Ballister about everything. Ballister accepted the apology with a hug and kiss.

it was happy for moment when suddenly they all heard a loud noise and see that the cannon was being turned towards the kingdom by the director herself because everyone doesn't wanna hurt Ballister anymore.

panic sets in and ambrosius tells everyone to evacuate in hopes that they might make it in time.

Ballister knows other wise. He's made up his mind and plans to save the people by sacrificing himself.

he hugs nimona and kisses ambrosius before sprinting away. Both nimona and ambrosius realizes what he is trying to do but were to late to stop him.

Ballister turns into a phoenix and destroys the cannon before it could hit the kingdom.

nimona and ambrosius hoped and prayed that Ballister would come back, but as the lights starts to fade nimona hugged ambrosius who, in turn, hugs her back. Both mourning over what happened.

time skip, nimona gets adopted by ambrosius and everyone sees Ballister as a hero and honored him.

nimona goes back to the lair where she first met Ballister. She goes inside looking around her, reminiscing of the things they did together there.

she smiled as she picked up one of the characters in the board game they played before.

she held the piece close, then-

"hey kid."

"HOLY SH-"

she called ambrosius afterwards and they all hugged each other.

That's all I have. Might change or add some stuff in the future, but for now have this. Feel free to make fanfics of this.

Actually please make a fanfic of this, I am bad at writing.

Next au is prince Ballister.