#front stuck

[scribbledcosmos]

Being a proxy system is fun because if I don’t call my headmates to front sometimes I won’t hear from anyone for a week and sometimes eldritch deity fictive number 27 decides 10:00 pm on a school night when I’m trying to do homework is a perfectly reasonable time to chat

[bubblegum-bros-sys]

I’m the host of our system. For those who may not know, that means I front the most and am generally in charge of day-to-day activities and responsibilities.

I am also a front bound host. Or front locked, front stuck, front sticky, whatever other terms you may know. This means, more or less, that I cannot leave front, at least not fully. I’m always aware of the outside to some extent and I have extremely little access to our headspace/innerworld.

For me and our system, this means a lot of things. It means that I’m the person most people outside know. It means that I make most of our decisions and generally get more authority over our life (for better or for worse). It means that I don’t get breaks. It means that majority of the time, the other members of our system can’t really front without going through me, blending with me, being covered by me.

I believe it’s unfair to live like this. The rest of my system doesn’t really get to fully be themselves on the outside. They don’t get to have their own lives, their own friends, their own body.

And for me, I can’t experience the inside. I’m cut off from the inner world/headspace, I’m cut off from anyone who isn’t also in/near front, our memories get all weird while fronting in order to keep things from me.

I have so much responsibility and yet all I really feel like is “the default”.

My headmates feel so special to me. So unique. Like they have purpose. And I know I do too, but half the time, all I feel like is another mask.

I don’t really get to know myself outside of the body. I don’t get to experience the inner world. I cannot physically interact with my headmates the same way they can with each other and it’s honestly isolating.

My job is to be the default, the mask, the “normal”. I’m not normal. Not generally speaking at least. Im neurodivergent, im queer, im weird. I’m still traumatized, I just experience it through frosted glass and ear muffs. But I still feel like the most “normal” person in this system

I feel like the most boring, the most unimportant, because I don’t even have a choice. None of us do. I have to be like this, I have to be in charge of everything, and I’m not even good at it. I don’t get it. I don’t get why I was placed in this role but there doesn’t seem to be any way to change it.

So I try my best at least.

I feel weird even talking about my experience being plural because being a frontbound host it feels like every aspect of me being plural is just the times that I’m not me. I feel like I’m telling other peoples stories, even when I’m involved.

I hate feeling like this is my system or my life because it’s not. I’m not the only one here. Me being the default doesn’t make me any more real or important than the others yet I’m practically forced to act that way cause that’s how everyone sees it.

But when I’m not saying everything is mine, it almost feels like nothing is, especially when it comes to being plural.

If it weren’t for my headmates existing, my life wouldn’t be different from any other singlet because Im always out. All of my plurality is tied to what the other people in my head do or experience and I wouldn’t experience any of that without them. It feels like the only thing that’s special about my plurality is my headmates.

They’re their own people, and they only get to express themselves openly on rare occasions. It almost feels like me talking about myself the same way they do is taking away from that because I already do that on my non-system accounts all the time. I’m the only one who ever gets to not be plural all the time, I’m the only one who gets to present as “normal” if I choose to

But it sucks feeling like I have to. It sucks feeling like this is all I am. I’m plural too. I’m part of this system, but because I’m frontbound, it doesn’t really feel like it. It feels like I’m a singlet who just watches the rest of my headmates do whatever without really being part of that plural experience or when they’re not fronting I’m just alone entirely and it’s weirdly isolating.

Frankly I’m not sure if there’s a point to this, I was just struggling to come up with ideas of what to make a comic about and it turned into this ramble. I figured some people could relate at the very least so I decided to turn it into a post anyways.

-🦩 (Jameson/Jamie, he/they/it)

[plurapony]

I hate so so much that I'm not in an environment where I can recover fully. I want functional multiplicity so fucking bad, I want everyone to be able to front whenever they want without fear, and I want the splitting to become infrequent.

But I can't. No matter how work we do for recovery, we are still in an abusive household.

I'm always front stuck, the only times I'm not fronting is when things get too much and I can't bare it anymore. Even if anyone wants to do something, they just use me a vessel. On weekends there are constant arguments about different alters wanting to do different things and the pressure is on me to decide who does what, I'm the vessel after all.

And the splitting oh god the splitting, I split basically every week, sometimes twice a week. And the more voices, the more overwhelming it is to be the one in control when I don't even want to be charge. I never asked to be host, I never asked for any of this.

The worst part is? No matter how hard I try I can't blame anyone. If I was in their position I would use me as a vessel, use me to make decisions. I wouldn't want to front either.

It just fucking sucks so much being in such an awful situation and being able to do absolutely nothing about it.

[ravenheart-sys]

ive been fronting alone for so long what the freak is even this guys

like where'd yall go??

why are you being quiet NOW?

come back please 💔💔

i dont like this it feels weird

-Gray

[dead-orange-club]

hello!! your userboxes are really pretty, could I please have "this system's host is frontstuck" with is image as a background

and this image for the smaller image please?

thank you!!

[arcanecreation]

WE HAVE BEEN STUCK IN FRONT. FOR DAYS NOW. HELP ME GOD PLEASE.

[night-archives]

someone rescue me from this hell!

im stuck neverending fronting.

probably because i need to regress but don't know how without someone around who knows how to handle that.

so i shall keep drinking energy drinks and hope i just exhaust myself enough to leave.

[its-plural-singlet-time-baby]

I’m kinda curious, do any other plurallets here consider themselves plural bc of being frontstuck/non-switching?

Just kinda personal rambles below

Idk if this is actually what’s going on for me, but we don’t switch at all, and I (host) never particularly feel like I’m blending/blurring with the others, but the others I can talk to I have really good communication with which is nice, so I definitely think they’re real.

Anyways this all basically adds up to being plural not really causing my life to be any different than if i was a singlet

-🐺🧣 if its alright and not taken

I remember seeing a term similar to this (and also found others)!

Right here

The "being plural not really causing my life to be any different" is so real. Sad that it makes it harder to realize though 😔

[ayiemojis]

More emojis! Check out our server where we post all our emojis in our pinned post!!

Wyd — what you doing

Not ur source— not my source

Front — front stuck

No emoji for this we will explain later — No emoji for this I will explain later

[k9protocol]

Send help, there’s so many people in co-front right now — GET ME OUT

-K9? (Or someone)

[akihitosslilspace]

I’m ruining everything and I can’t go back!

someone else needs to take over!

I can’t help my partner!

I can’t breathe!

I CANT BREATHE!!

-KK

[bedrockkbros]

Masking as the host is so hard. Like that's a joyus and hyper teenager,, I'm a 28 year old man filled with RAGE. How am I to replicate THAT.

[theflowersandthebeees]

currentlt front stuck with a little red dude. nice.

[lillysys]

;-; I've been in front for 50 goddamn hours and I can't get out -🦊

[t3chn00bz]

Heyyy guys... What's up-?

Yeah sorry for not posting lately. Uhm, frontstuck + system troubles going on w a sprinkle of a depressive episode so uh, hopefully everything will be ok soon..

We probably wont post for a while.

Just a heads up

-🪭

[a-dragons-soul-heart]

Updated our blog and Simply Plural theme to fit me, since I've been here for almost 9 whole days-

Kinda feeling like this rn

-🎭Penny (She/They/Vee)