#fuckup!castiel

[profoundbondfanfic]

Mad at your Dad?

Mad at your Dad? By wannaliveindeansdimples Rating: Mature Word Count: 7k

Dean wasn’t sure why he was even scrolling through Craigslist. Especially not the casual encounters section. It was four days before Thanksgiving. Not like he was gonna try and hook up with someone before that shitstorm. After, sure, but not before. He kept scrolling, though, not clicking anything until a title caught his eye. Alone on Thanksgiving? Mad at your dad? I am a 28 year old male felon who has no degree, but has studied enough theologies of the world, behavioral psychology, and philosophy to set your whole family’s teeth on edge—no matter which way they lean, politically, religiously or in terms of neuroses. I drive a van the same age as me that’s got a mural on the side of an angel holding an orgy. I can play between the ages of 20-30 depending on whether I shave. I live off an inheritance, and sell weed on the side. If you’d like to have me as your strictly platonic date for Thanksgiving, but have me pretend to be in a very long or serious relationship (monogamous or polyamorous, whichever sounds most like it would freak out su familia) with you (and/or others), to torment your family, I’m game...

A shortie but definitely worth the time to sit back and relax with this fabulous piece of fiction. Cas is everything you want a mentally healthy endverse!Cas to be, irreverent, smart as shit, and sexy as all hell. The man literally has no shame and it's a joy to witness.

Dean has been pushed past his limit and can't handle his family's medling and his father's disapproval anymore. The ad he sees in the paper seems like the perfect prank.

The best part? Cas gets thru to his family in ways Dean never could and Dean can see through all of Cas' bullshit for the armor that it is. They're both broken, both lonely, and both adorable.

For a happy, funny, quick fix, give this one a read.

[fangpie]

i just started season 7 and i can already pretty much tell this is gonna be one of my least favorite seasons, the brothers and bobby fucked up with cas so bad. huge fuckin hypocrites considering they would end the world for each other and then castiel was trying to save it for THEM pretty much solely with them in mind. i wanted to shank them cuz where the fuck have they been ? punishing castiel for shit you would do in a heart beat for one single man, dean ? deserved their asses beat i do not care.

[denimshortsdean]

me every time cas is on screen: special boy!!! baby boy!!!!! sweet lovely boy whose hands are covered in blood!!!! little baby darling who is having a crisis of faith and/or conscience!!!!!!!! charmingest little man who feels too much!!! i love you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[torturedpoetemotions]

Everyone but Dean thinking Cas is Just Okay Looking is funny and all except that he's canonically described by everyone from Random Christian Mom #3 to the King of Hell as sexy, dreamy, etc. A woman found him wandering naked by a river and said That's Husband Material. Amelia Novak let that face through her front door after he ditched her and their kid for over a year. He led half of Heaven in a rebellion on a scale only thee Devil himself had ever managed before. He's so hot he made Meg switch sides. Even after his Third Epic Fuckup most of the angels were down to follow him. The scribe of god took one look at him and said if Dean is God's main character, You are Mine, I will kill him to give you a Tragic Backstory.

Only Amara, terminal Deangirl and Sam, terminally heterosexual, have ever thought Castiel was anything less than the hottest motherfucker in the garrison.

[pinknatural]

we need to go get the michael sword from hell, which angel should we send....oh i know! cas "lobotomy" tiel! that way if he fails we only lose a fuckup and not someone actually important lol.

omg castiel actually did it! wow! he didn't fuck up after all! ok castiel now just make sure the michael sword stays safe, kay????

CASTIEL NO

[mlobsters]

supernatural s14e18 absence (w. robert berens)

DEAN Well, hey, here's to another miraculous Sam Winchester survival. Got to say, man, if Jack hadn't have healed you…

one might say it's getting a little absurd but whatever

i have zero idea how this is gonna shake out, with the kinda accidentally killing mary because she was gonna rat him out to the boys situtaion.

DEAN You know, lately, it feels like we'd be up the creek without that kid. I mean, first, he takes care of Michael and then Nick. SAM Kind of sounds like you're bummed about it. DEAN No. "Get out of jail free" card? I'll take that.

don't think it's the case here really because killing nick seemed pretty darned justified at this point but have noticed when there is a moral quandary to be had over killing someone, it's usually someone else that actually does it these days. if blog search actual functioned, you could get a number of results for quandary :p

so the cas not telling sam and dean about jack being clearly not right has come back to bite him in the ass.

LUCIFER Yeah. I'm your, you know, subconscious or whatever. Y-You whipped me up to help you figure this out.

so does jack get a hallucifer too then? (transcript says nick but it's lucifer)

LUCIFER All right? Buddy, you killed Mary Winchester. You cannot come back from that, and you know it. All right? You've been flapping your wings all around, trying to run away from what you did, and where'd you wind up? Right here, right back to the scene of the crime. JACK No. LUCIFER Yeah. Yeah, because somewhere inside, you realize that the sooner you accept it, the easier it'll be. JACK No, it's -- It was an accident. LUCIFER Okay. Tell Sam and Dean that. I'm sure they'll understand. It's not like family isn't everything to them

subconscious makes points

music while they're searching the cabin for jack/mary/dead nick is good. reminds me of hmm. modern thriller during a spooky/unsettling scene music. lol (it's christopher lennertz and tim wynn on music this ep. confirming yet again i am scores more likely to enjoy lennertz's score vs jay gruska's)

moments like this where it's like i can see the promise of what this show could be. a scene that's genuinely unsettling. slowing down and not focusing on this breakneck knee deep plot machinations, but setting a scene where the emotional tension that we know mary is dead and we're dreading them finding her, and finding this instead. dunno. it was very effective (and the music continued to be appropriate)

CASTIEL I know you know this, Mary, but, um, Sam and Dean -- they're -- they're glad to have you back. Whatever you still have to deal with and however long it takes, you should know they're happy. I mean, finally, they don't have to be so, um, so alone. MARY Castiel. They were never alone.

um, i think that's a bit of a stretch lol. cas was not around that much, and when he was it wasn't always good. they had bobby, lost bobby. have jody but see her even less. they've been hobbling between meager support systems for a while. cas only seems to really qualify in that way visibly onscreen in the past season or two at most? they talked him up but we didn't see it much.

DEAN Might have been Lucifer. Nick was trying to bring him back. SAM Yeah, but Jack said-- DEAN Who cares what Jack said? We don't know what happened! But I swear, if he did something to her, if she is -- then you're dead to me.

well. we know dean gets over shit pretty fast when it comes to the core group all things being equal, so i imagine he'd come around in a moderate amount of time. not like cas is ultimately culpable, not like when he broke sam's wall, for instance. it was a fuckup, but would jack have done something awful inadvertently-ish even if sam and dean knew right away when cas found out he definitely was off? ehh. everyone knew he wasn't acting quite right. but all bets are off when the person getting killed is mary (or heaven forbid, sam)

DEAN No, he knew. He knew something was wrong with the kid. He knew it, and he didn't tell us! He didn't even tell us! CASTIEL I was scared. I believed in Jack for so long, I I believed that he was -- he was good. I -- I knew that he would be good for the world. And he was good for us. My faith in him, it -- it never wavered, and then I-I saw what he did. It wasn't malice. It wasn't evil. It was like Jack saw a problem, and in his mind, he just solved it with that snake. DEAN The snake?! CASTIEL What he did wasn't bad. It was the absence of good. And I saw that in him. But we were a family, and I didn't want to lose that, so I thought I could fix it on my own. Felt like it was my responsibility. So I left. And I didn't tell you. If I could go back and just -- just talk to him right then and there, I would. But I can't, Dean. I failed you. And I failed Jack. And I failed --

cas, friend. you do not have a great track record with fixing stuff on your own. but i get it. but also, if you're trying to keep your family together, gotta communicate!

gonna try to resurrect mary with rowena, ok. i didn't see that coming

JACK I killed Mary. I-It was an accident. I-I didn't mean to. I just -- I just wanted her to be quiet. I just wanted her gone, but only for a second. And I just. I thought it. It all happened so fast. I need to undo it. You need to help me undo it.

you know i was thinking about this last night. and i think about the same kind of thing fairly regularly. mary could see she had reason to be scared of jack after the cruel way he killed nick (which everyone is a lot more upset about than i anticipated but ok). yet she still wouldn't lie to him about not telling sam and dean. an unstable, infinitely powerful child, essentially. and i think about the way that some people respond to people that are being aggressive or whatever. and you know, when you're someone that has been abused (like myself) sometimes you come away with a pretty ingrained fear of anyone acting off to do anything to avoid setting them off. i know that's not everyone's experience, for sure. but that was kind of an essential survival coping mechanism for me that's carried through. it doesn't serve me well in a lot of every day social conflict potential situations, but it is one that i think can sometimes keep you from getting killed 🤪

MARY Sam, everyone here understands what you've been doing and what you've been putting yourself through. SAM Yeah, I know, but Jack's been through a lot -- you know, losing his powers.And I haven't really been there for him.Sorry, Mom. I don't mean to lay all this on you. MARY No. Are you kidding? It's nice knowing I'm not the only one with parental guilt. How much did the two of you go through when I wasn't there for you? And even when Amara brought me back and I got a second chance, things got complicated. I got complicated. SAM Mom. MARY No, I'm just saying parenting is always a struggle.

heard. it's a struggle even when not these extraordinarily complicated and bizarre situations they're in.

SAM Dean, it wasn't just Cas. It wasn't. We knew Jack was dangerous. We always knew. Long before he killed Michael. You more than anyone. I mean, from the very beginning, you knew. But, you know, we fell for him 'cause he had a good heart and a good soul. Then he didn't. And that's on me, too, by the way. I mean, I'm the one who made the call to bring him back. He didn't ask for that. I decided for him. And you warned me. DEAN No, you didn't know, okay? We didn't know. SAM Exactly. We didn't know. But -- he had become our family. You know, after Maggie and the other Hunters died I just left. Just dumped Jack on Cas and left. I knew. I mean, I knew something was gonna I just didn't know it'd be this. DEAN I did it, too. When I talked to Donatello about Jack, he said he was good as far as he could tell. But then he talked about how powerful Jack was and that he could never really be sure. And it was a warning. I just couldn't see it.

i appreciate that they're both taking accountability

well. i guess they get some closure at least, having a body. i think by rights this should be upsetting me, but it isn't? nothing like the this season's absolute disaster of jack dying originally and dean hellbent on committing suicide/eternal torture. that was like. 3 solid episodes of ugly crying my way through them.

LUCIFER Well, I warned you. It's worse -- trying and failing. There's no going back. You realize that now. Cas, Sam, Dean they're never gonna trust you again. And you know what that means. What? You can never trust them.

the flaming hoops this show will jump through to keep pellegrino around!

is that mary with the baby one new? can't recall. they've added a few here and there past several seasons

glad they kept it to just the 3 of them, writer's 2nd draft script linked on wiki

SAMUEL WINCHESTER you better have a copy of that picture elsewhere before you burn it. you have so little of her! see, there you go, that's how you made me upset. thanks, show. push straight into the weepy montage of happy mary moments

?? that felt very... forced. whole scene did to me, but that was the icing on the cake

i liked mary, but never really connected with her i don't think. kind of like bobby, but even less to go on. don't blame samantha smith in the slightest, i think it's how they wrote her. she was great at the emotions. but this episode largely left me feeling 😐

[incarnateirony]

still stuck on the fact that even after I reblogged something like 60 pages of "heaven" meta (keeping in mind, it's designed to de-brand it from the image of heaven people see as Chuck's or put in christian heads, and focuses on the Axis Mundi in its various states of viewing mental, astral, and state of mind), and this dumb motherfucker got his gears stuck thinking I said purgatory because he obsessively picked some random heller to blame for his drunk friend's fuckup

o h m y g o d

dude. dudududududude. How did you spend so goddamn long shrieking about my meta and then never looked what that meta is. I have literally been tagging shit castiel's uterus and arcadia and garden. What the blue blaze fuck does the rotten ass gray matter in your head compute that into meaning for you? What the fuck do you think castiel's uterus and heaven and arcadia tags are doing on my Akrida posts. Why do you think I'm reblogging "That heaven meta you wanted" once a week. Holy fuck me running mother, what is wrong with your computational skills.

What pit of incest-rotten hell in your head did you draw these titanic leaps of assumption from? Like they're clearly not actually attached to anything I've ever said on my blog. genuinely, motherfucker. Where did you pull that from.

I'm out here posting shit about Da'as Elyon and Da'as Tachton so people can understand the principle of the aspect of "heaven" dean is on the axis mundi in and this thick ass dipshit's going "HURHURRRR IT'S IN HEAVEN", yeah, motherfucker, we know. You just figured that out? Literally you were so shitheadedly behind I thought you were gonna nitpick if they had changed it to some other planar sublabel like a shithead, but no, apparently they're keeping it simple for your nimrods like the old arenas. It's just gonna be Dean unclogging his shit and crossing into heaven without over-explaining the void of knowledge. Can't blame them, I guess, since there's motherfuckers that can't read basic words communicated on a screen and just outright hallucinate other shit.

[sisuhu]

new Destiel story it is :)

Because in all that silence and all that violence between them, in all those brutal actions and all the gentle peace afterwards, in all that Please and all that Don’t, in all those spoken apologies and all the unspoken ones, in all that there was a Them somewhere. A together. It wasn’t here, in this dream, it wasn’t there, outside in the real world. It wasn’t even a concrete concept, not then, not right now and not ever. But that abnormal, yet special idea of them together existed. Them. Cas and Dean.

read on AO3

read on watt pad

for German version read on FanFiktion.de

[maliciouslycreative]

So when Cas killed AU!Cas I literally screamed at him “what are you doing? Your grace is all fucked up and you said he was the same! You should have recharged your batteries! Cracked him open like a cold one! Take a sip, babe!”

[mishastoesies]

cas being jack’s Heavenly Adviser is so funny. like imagine being like a random angel and hearing all about castiel the fuckup who keeps rebelling and needs to be lobotomized over and over again who somehow got made a garrison commander (allegedly he did it by sleeping with his own garrison commander, which like, okay whore.) and then fell ass-backwards in love with his own charge (again, whore!) and then did a bunch of war crimes, was responsible for heaven nearly collapsing, willingly let lucifer possess him, and now he’s... the new God’s second-in-command. because he’s the new God’s dad and will buy the new God sugary cereal. i would cut my grace out and fall right then and there. 

[autisticandroids]

one thing that’s important to me is that among angels, castiel should be just some guy. like, i hate chosen one narratives, but i specifically find the idea of cas being just some guy very appealing. i like the idea that there were dozens, maybe hundred of angels, sent to fight their way through hell, and cas happened to get there first. i like the idea that yes, cas is a fuckup angel who has to get reset all the time, but he’s not the only one. i like the idea that the reputation and importance cas seems to have among angels is entirely the result of his during-canon actions, not anything he ever did pre-canon. pre-canon he was just a regular soldier. a fuckup soldier who has to get wiped, sure. a leader, with angels under his command, sure. a strong warrior, who happened to get into the pit and grab the soul of the righteous man first, sure. but basically just some guy.

[googledocsdyke]

fucked up something at work today, was sad abt it, then realized it was actually just like castiel supernatural. happy pride to the best fuckup rep

literally he's soooooooo bad at his job what kinda reassuring representativity! [me giving a custie undrinkable undiluted sweet cold brew concentrate instead of regular cold brew]: omg JUST like castiel supernatural 🥰

[cats-coffee-castiel]

I’ve had the exact right amount of bourbon to post about this.

The reason Dean/Cas works so well is because they are both fuckups! Castiel is an angel, created perfectly by a perfect God. He is supposed to be omnipotent (at this point in the narrative). He’s the captain of the garrison, he’s obedient to a flaw, he will follow the Rules and do as he’s told and -

Love undoes him. Love and doubt. He feels these distinctly human emotions because he’s gotten entwined with an equally fucked-up human.

Dean is a hunter! He was literally born as a result of heaven’s meddling to create the perfect “vessel” (read: hunter). He was raised to be a weapon. Destruction and violence are written on every vein in his body and yet -

He can’t do it. “I’m not strong enough. I wish I didn’t feel a damn thing.” He is so absolutely pained and human and suffering and only the angel can relieve it.

Dean and Cas are both “meant” to fulfil a certain role and they both fail and they both find that what they really need is in each other and if that isn’t the best love story ever told then I will die and rise again in search of it.

[fellshish]

The fuckup of this ending is unfortunately taking away a lot of attention from how historical, how unlikely and therefore amazing castiel’s explicit love confession was. A lot of young queer people saw themselves reflected that evening. Validated. That’s a gift the actors, crew, writers gave to us and no one can ever take that away from us. From here on, cas falling in love with dean will forever be canon.

[mlobsters]

supernatural s12e19 the future (w. robert berens, meredith glynn)

feel like i'm finally getting into the home stretch of this show. i know, three full seasons that i have not heard great or even mediocre things about to go but still. i've got a lot behind me

and we're finally dealing with wtf cas is doing up in ye olde heaven. why didn't he at least like. send a text. "going to heaven, be back at some point, i'm fine"

you know i have feelings about suicide in media and it's a common trope on this show but the music is especially mismatched with this (kelly getting in the tub with a shard from the mirror), but maybe it's for the best because it is less affecting. the voiceover also a weird choice. surely she's not actually dead...?

legit laughed out loud when cas just casually opens the door. like, hey guys... 🤷‍♂️

CASTIEL I was in Heaven. I was working with the angels. When I saw Dagon had captured Kelly, I-I thought they could help. SAM And? CASTIEL Nothing. SAM Well, at least you're back. We're glad you're back. DEAN Really? No, I'm sorry. Okay, 'cause while you were striking out in Heaven, we had a shot at Dagon, and we lost. CASTIEL I know. I received your messages. DEAN Oh, you did – you did receive the messages? Okay, that's good. CASTIEL Dean. DEAN So not only were you ditching us, but you were also ignoring us? That's great. 'Cause we really could've used the backup. But, uh, you were too busy with, um (Clicks tongue) What was it? Nothing? CASTIEL Dean, I – DEAN What the hell is wrong with you, man? You know, whatever. That's--yeah. Welcome back. (walks away)

SO. dean's being pretty harsh and i'm sure it won't last because it never does, but it reminds me of someone who like.. you're at the end of your rope with in general, and then small fuckups ending sending you into a fit. because it's like COME THE FUCK ON, MAN. even though in the grand scheme of things it isn't a huge transgression. i am unfortunately guilty of that too, so maybe it's just projecting, but that's the vibe i'm feeling. but he always forgives him pretty quickly even when he's pissed like this.

but also, i think it's pretty reasonable that he's upset vs sam's acceptance and happiness he's back (which seems a little extreme the other end, like disappointment but glad he's safe seems more reasonable-ish to me). it's one thing if he's tied up in heaven, but being tied up in heaven getting nothing done, and knowing that they actually had a bead on dagon and doing nothing seems super absurd because that was the whole reason he was in heaven??? unless he's not telling us something relevant to why he couldn't act, which would also be pretty typical of how this show operates. getting me riled up. good grief this is pointless

CASTIEL Sorry, Dean. Um I just wanted to return this. DEAN It's a gift. You keep those.

what. "traxx"? really?

DEAN Cass, you can't – With everything that's going on, you can't just go dark like that. We didn't know what happened to you. We were worried. That's not okay. CASTIEL Well, I didn't mean to add to your distress. I – Dean, I just keep failing. Again and again. When you were taken, I searched for months and I couldn't find you. And then Kelly escaped on my watch, and I couldn't find her. And I just wanted I needed to come back here with a win for you. For myself. DEAN You think you're the only one rolling snake eyes here? Me and Sam, we had her. We had Kelly and we lost her. CASTIEL And if you find her again? DEAN Sam's working on it. Of course, he's hell-bent on finding something that doesn't mean killing her or her kid. CASTIEL Right. And if he doesn't find something? If you run out of time, could either of you kill an innocent? DEAN We will find a better way. CASTIEL You mean, we? DEAN Yes, dumbass. We. You, me, and Sam, we're just better together. So now that you're back, let's go, Team Free Will. Let's get it done. CASTIEL I'd like that. DEAN Great. And I'd like a beer.

well i'm sure this can be read very shippy, what i pick up is just upset and freaked out that he disappeared without any notice (trying to imagine like, bobby just goes dark when they need him and how dean would react). and wanting him back because he needs the resources in this fight. and cas being kind of desperate for dean's approval. which is kind of a shitty space to be in. dean's "let's go Team Free Will" is pretty sarcastic sounding and the "great. and i'd like a beer" is really dismissive. the scripts linked on the wiki both say he smiles (which he doesn't), this has totally different tone.

(surprise surprise baby nephilim wouldn't let kelly die)

for the love of god get a couch already

SAM Well Okay, the baby's half-angel, right? So remember Gadreel? DEAN The psycho angel who took your body for a test drive? Yeah, what about him?

kinda hard to forget, sammy

trying to remember how that whole grace extraction ritual thing went down and was cas on the up and up with him? buh can't remember. looks like it, skimming 9x11

SAM So what if Cass used it on Kelly's kid? I mean, a-a Nephilim's just a human soul with angelic grace, right? So you remove the grace –

if the kid is half grace wouldn't you end up with a half a kid :p

all right well reading the script gave me a heads up that cas was lying -_- but stealing the colt to give to the angels, great. good call, castiel

KELVIN You're doing the right thing, you know. Committing to Joshua's plan, putting angelkind above the Winchesters. I mean, your reputation in Heaven is – CASTIEL This has nothing to do with my reputation. I am doing this for the Winchesters. I-I stole the Colt to keep them out of this mission and to keep them safe from Dagon, and I – I will kill this girl so that Sam and Dean don't have to.

mmmk. well, good on you cas, not being able to kill the pregnant lady either. maybe give sam and dean a call, if we're going down this road

CASTIEL No, it isn't. I used to believe in a plan. I used to believe that I had some mission. But I have been through enough now to know that everyone is just winging it. Some of us quite badly.

(writers included, ahem)

KELLY I know my baby can be good for this world. CASTIEL Kelly, if he's born that is not something you can survive. So even if you are right, and even if the worst isn't inevitable, then who will care for him when you're gone? (Sighs) Who? Who is strong enough to protect him and to keep him from evil influences and to keep him on the righteous path?

bunker baby? lol

she got the demon growl sound treatment too

ok. weirdly noncommittal slam into the wall

DEAN Well, while you were scamming me for the Colt, Sam put a tracking app on your phone. SAM Cass, when you came back, you didn't even look us in the eye. You wanna explain what's going on here?

LOL ok, sam was secretly on the up and up

CASTIEL I know. I wanted to keep you out of this. I-I was trying to keep you safe. DEAN You're not our babysitter, Cass, okay? That is not your job. And when in our whole lives have we ever been safe?

neverending theme of choice being taken away by everyone everywhere all at once

definitely a good idea to give them the keys and leave them alone in the impala while they both want to go to the holy sandbox and she's got some nephilim mojo

dumbasses :p

KELLY You asked me who would protect him, guide him when I'm gone. I know now. It's you. CASTIEL Me? That's I am not someone that you should put your faith in, Kelly. I couldn't kill Dagon back there. I lost two of my men. I betrayed my friends, my family.

LOL papa castiel

DEAN Well, he hasn't exactly had a banner year. I mean, think about it. Between Lucifer, killing Billie, Ramiel, everything's been blowing up in his face. And he's so desperate for a win right now, he can't even see straight.

were there consequences to killing billie? i can't even remember lolsob useless

i didn't see dagon melting (ish?) the colt coming. good call though, girl

all right well i'm including this because cas got the demon (and nephilim apparently) growl too along with this oboe (maybe? i don't know i can actually tell the difference between oboe clarinet and i dunno, french horn? lol) music that i dislike but they do use semi-regularly :p

anyway, cas got his win. why does dean seem so surprised by cas healing his arm? don't they hit cas up for healing on the regular these days?

DEAN Are you okay? CASTIEL I am. I've been so lost. I'm not lost anymore. And I know now that this child must be born with all of his power. SAM You can't actually mean that. CASTIEL Yes. I do. I have faith. We have to go. SAM Hey, Cass, wait a second. Wait, hold on. Just - CASTIEL You have to just trust me. DEAN No, no, no, wait. Okay, whatever that thing did to you, we're not just gonna let you walk away. SAM Yeah, that's not gonna happen. CASTIEL Yes, it is.

who needs to explain things and try to win arguments when you can just boop them on the forehead and make them go sleepytime in the park, at night. exposed.

(script linked on wiki)

made me laugh. cas and kelly all juiced up on faith, together

so i finally made the mental leap figuring out who the baby will be (i had all the info but was embarrassingly slow to connect the dots) so like. i'm very unclear how this is going to play out. cas constantly lying and going off-piste generally is not something to be rewarded with being doing the right thing, but feels like that's the path that will need to be taken? even if they're painting it as him doing a bad thing now? i dunno. maybe not. the problem with half knowing small or general big picture details without context via fic :p

grateful for no bmol bullshit i guess, this ep

[tamilhobbit]

Just finished Diamond of the Day, and sobbed like I always do.

I started rewatching Merlin in an attempt to cheer myself up after the fuckup that was the Supernatural finale Carry On. And when the credits began rolling and I'd stopped crying, I turned to my partner and said, "That's how you do a finale where one of the main characters dies."

Neither Arthur nor Merlin confessed like Castiel did, so it was never even half-canon. Arthur spends most of the show in love with Guinevere, even though after their wedding he still has more chemistry with Merlin. But that finale? With Arthur finally finding out and slowly accepting and forgiving Merlin, and understanding him, and Merlin's open words of affection and loyalty? With Arthur asking Merlin to hold him at the end, and in a tearful and emotional embrace, thanking him?

That was far, far gayer than Carry On ever was. They knew it, and they didn't shy away from it. It was emotional and heartbreaking and queer (and throughout the show magic has always seemed like a metaphor for queerness to me), and beautifully done. (And Queen Guinevere, a WOC, becoming ruler of Camelot at the end will always be special to me as another WOC.)

I wouldn't say I'm cheered up, because Diamond of the Day always leaves me a sobbing wreck. Within the narrative it's heartbreaking. And I still wish Merlin had gotten the additional season it should originally have had. But I'm certainly more satisfied with the writing than for Supernatural, and have more closure.

Now to read fix-it fic.