#fun fact sucking on stuff is actually one way i ease out of my panic attacks

[bonny-kookoo]

Smart Girl (J.JK x reader)🔞🌼☁️🎀

Pairing: Jeon Jungkook x Reader

Genre: Good Girl!AU, Fluff, Angst, smut (what did you expect?)

Warnings: a bit of separation anxiety and a small panic attack sprinkled into it, but y’all know me by now, Reader is kinda lost without her Koo and emotionally a MESS (TM), sad boy Jungkook, Grumpy Jungkook, a fight between the marshmallow couple yikes, Dom/sub dynamics, Dom!Jungkook, Sub!Reader, Oral (m receiving), manhandling, mild DDLG themes, reader is a bit bratty this time and koo is having none of it, slight hair pulling, I think that’s it? Jungkoo is just the best boyfriendo ever okay

Summary: Jungkook loves how dependent you are on him. You however start to feel a bit different about it when you overhear a coworker of yours, who’s coincidentally also someone he’d slept with in the past, talking about how childish and most of all how much of a burden you are. You try to show Jungkook how independent and strong you can be on your own. And fail miserably. But luckily he's always gonna be there, won't he?

Good Girl || Sweet Girl || Smart Girl || Brave Girl

You don't even know how it started. Maybe it was when you'd told Alex how Jungkook had just recently thrown your small pink plastic chair away, which you had used to reach the highest shelve in the kitchen so that you didn't have to ask him. Truth be told he'd said he didn't do it, yet his smirk afterwards told other words. He was always like this- it was as if he fed his own pride every time he helped you with even the smallest of things. Soohyeon had sighed at that, and you had simply asked what was wrong.

"What I'm saying is, Y/N sweety, maybe he just does it because you seem so lost all the time." Up until now, you and Soohyeon had gotten along quite well, considering the fact that she'd revealed to you early on when Jungkook had picked you up from your work that she and him had a bit of history- bedstories, for that matter. It did made you uncomfortable at first, but she'd reassured you that it had been a one-time-fun thing, no feelings involved. You believed her, considering that he really had been a person like that. Right now however, you began to feel a bit uneasy. "Trust me, I think he's just too soft for you to actually say it out loud." She said, and Alex scoffed.

"You're just bitter Soo, get over it or get out." She said, placing her hands on your shoulders as if to shield you from her words. You both quickly went to change after finishing your shift, however, the uneasy feeling stayed. "You okay?" Your friend asked, clearly concerned over your lack of happiness considering you had been so over the moon earlier that day when you'd explained how you were invited to a company-trip; and Jungkook had agreed to come along. You shook your head yes, but she was clearly not having it. "Look, I think she really is just bitter. Don't let it get to you, okay?" She said, and you smiled.

Back home, things didn't get better though. You were suddenly on edge, Jungkooks presence around you as you started to pack your bag for the next few days felt suffocating, and you couldn't concentrate on his voice at all, even if you wanted to. This was horrible. Were her words really getting under your skin?

"Y/N?" He asked, and you looked up. "You've been staring at that pair of pants for almost ten minutes now. Do you want me to pack them in my bag? That way you don't have to lift so much-" He said, already reaching for the piece of clothing, yet you slapped his hand away. You didn't intend for it to look as harsh as it did, yet you also couldn't apologize in time. "Whoa okay, that's new." He said confused, crouching down next to you on the floor to inspect your face turned downwards. "Whats wrong?" He asked, now actually a little concerned.

You simply folded the pair of jeans, packing them into your bag instead of his like he had suggested. "Nothing, don't worry about it." You mumbled, not noticing the way his eyes started to harden a bit at your attitude. It wasn't the fact that you went against him that bothered him, but the lack of communication going on. He hated it if you didn't talk to him, something you'd promised him to keep to a minimum.

"Okay there, stop." He said, shutting your bag to keep you from continuing, not even letting you protest. "I don't like that attitude baby, you know I hate it when you don't talk to me." He said, looking at you. Normally this would be the extend of your 'bratty-tantrum' how he playfully liked to call it- but no, it seemed like this wasn't just a random outburst, because you genuinely tried to pry his hands away from your bag. He was not having it. "Stop this bullshit-" he said, but you didn't let him finish this time.

No, this time you'd gotten up, making him stand up as well. You shrunk back a bit, but whatever had set you off, it really did it this time. "Fuck off, Stop treating me like a kid Jungkook!" You said, trying to run away from this upcoming argument by leaving the room, yet he didn't leave you alone. In that moment you didn't even think really, because if you had, you would've never reacted the way you eventually did. He waited, leaned against the counter with crossed arms, making you scoff at him. "Maybe you should just stay home Jungkook." You said, leaving him in the kitchen. You were mad. And ready to sleep in your old room- which was technically your room to begin with, yet you had slept in Jungkooks bed for as long as you were together now, so it was more like a guest room at this point.

You didn't care. You needed to be alone.

Jungkook was utterly confused. There was no simpler way to put it. Maybe he really had overlooked the way he was starting to get more and more on your nerves with his constant helping and looking after you- but how could he really overlook that? Maybe he really didn't know you as much as he thought he did. After all, you two hadn't been dating for overly long at this point, and even though he has had relationships before, this was the first time he genuinely felt completely at ease with you. Didn't you feel the same way with him? Maybe Taehyung had been right, and he secretely was pushin his own likes onto you instead of openly communicating- ironic really, considering that he was always demanding to speak up whenever something was up with you. This was a mess. So thinking you truly meant what you'd said, he silently went back into his room, unpacking his bag.

  The next morning, he tried to be as normal as possible. You didn't really fight after all, did you? Yet as soon as you walked out of your room, hair already brushed and clothing chosen carefully for the 7-hour busride, the air felt tense. He suddenly felt as if he was walking on the thinnest of glass shards, and if he wasn't careful he'd prick himself and bleed out on his kitchen floor. This was worse than any mafia-movie had ever depicted a torture scene. What the hell was he supposed to do?

In the end, none of you both really spoke at all, simply silently consuming a bit of breakfast, while you checked your phone to make sure you were on time. You'd seen your pastel pink bag next to the front door, and wanted to go off again. He really expected you to leave alone now? Mad as you were, you stood up and placed your cutlery in the sink, silently grabbing your coat. "Wait, let me-" you turned around and looked at your boyfriend, wanting to cry on the spot right there. He stood like he was genuinely scared to help you with your stuff, and you, intending to not make him even more uneasy as he was, grabbed your bag, opening the front door. You pretended to not see him standing behind you, expecting at least a hug- one which you never gave him, instead shoving your way past him, leaving him at the doorstep, dumbfounded as ever.

The trip wasn't as fun as you thought it would be. In the end, Soohyeon was visibly dissapointed to see that Jungkook didn't join in, which made Alex scoff at her in disgust. Now you felt even worse for letting her words get under your skin. Enjoying anything was a challenge you never wanted to accept, considering that he was supposed to be beside you, making weird remarks at the way your guide was struggling to speak in front of you and your coworkers. You felt bad.

Back home, Jungkook wasn't doing much better. He'd called up Taehyung to talk to him about the fight you both had, and immediately wanted to hang up on it as soon as he told him to just 'fuck it out'. This really wasn't an option with you. You both were so much more than just sex, but he highly doubted Taehyung would understand this.

Maybe he should give you control for now. He'd just let you choose the pace from now on, no sexual innuendo here. Yet he couldn't help but call you anyways after biting his lower lip until he faintly tasted metal on his tongue. He could call you to tell you goodnight, right? You'd like that.. right?

  The Night was even worse. You never liked loud places such as clubs, and Alex wasn't really much help either, since she had just dissapeared somewhere as soon as you all went out. You sat in the hotel bar, busying yourself with your phone because you didn't even drink at all. The more you thought about it, the more you really started to feel like a child. A lost one. So to try and at least get some good rest, you simply went up to your room, shutting the door, and throwing yourself onto your bed, your phone forgotten.

Fighting with Jungkook sucked. That much was kind of obvious to you if you were being honest, yet you never truly thought about why it sucked. It wasn't so much that you knew you were overreacting. It wasn't the fact that he was right, even though that did kind of hurt your ego a little bit- it was more the aftermath and your own stupid hardhead that made you react like you did.

You were a softie. In a sense of, emotionally very easily affected. Things other people simply didn't care about sometimes had a huge effect on you. When you had talked against your mothers advice for the first time at the age of 10, convincing her to buy a blue teddybear for you instead of a pink one made you feel horrible that night- so much so that you found yourself crying way after your bedtime, staring at the soft blue bear in your hands. Not only because you felt bad for doing something simply different than what was expected of you, but because you felt bad for the bear- as stupid as it sounded. Your mother later on talked to you, explaining that it was okay to do things how you wanted sometimes, yet even though you always held that stuffed toy dear to you (even to this day, its still sitting on your bed), your attitude towards things never truly changed. You still had a hard time coming up with the courage to really speak your mind and let things go your way, because you knew you couldn't deal with the aftermath. Just like now.

Jungkook had been right. Oh so right. Yet you couldn't text him, because for once it was actually way too late at night, which was kind of ironic considering the previous story about your childhood, but also because you didn't know what exactly you should say. 'Sorry for being bitter about being bitter?' this was stupid, and you just wanted to throw this stupid white hotel pillow against the stupid hotel wall in front of you. Instead you simply pulled your knees closer to yourself, battling with your own tears. Why did you always cry so much? This was so unfair. Why wasn't Jungkook here, why did he actually let you go on this trip alone, why didn't he stop you, why did you tell him to fuck off, why the fuck did you shove him- so many thoughts started to make the tears finally fall. This was ridiculous. You just wanted to go home. What if something horrible happened and the last thing you said to him were these words?

But had Soohyeon been so wrong? You really were a burden, weren't you? Remembering all those times you'd asked Jungkook to help you made you feel awful, a stark contrast to how these little memories used to remind you how much you loved him. Now they just made your stomach feel stale and empty. Or maybe it was the fact that you had forgotten to eat. Again.

A buzzing sound from under your sheets made you sniffle, grabbing your phone to see who the fuck would be calling you this late.

Jungkook.

You hesitantly picked up.

And before he could even finish his 'Hey doll', you started to sob. Why was he so unfair? And why were you so upset about it?

"Whoa Angel, what's wrong?" He cooed over the phone, and you knew he just wanted to help, but the way he talked to you just fueled your inner thoughts even more. It was like trying to put out a fire by throwing a cardboard box on it- it just made everything worse. And you could physically feel it too- the way your fingers started to tingle, then curl into fists, the way your ears began to sound fuzzy and your head started to spin. You faintly heard Jungkooks frantic voice, counting. Counting? "One.. two.. three.. and out. Thats it baby, breathe." He said softly, and you could slowly feel your fingers again, sniffling softly and rubbing your eyes- before instantly regretting it when you saw your mascare on the back of your hand, smeared like the words of your first essay in school when you'd accidentally wiped across the ink that wasn't dry yet. "Talk to me baby."

His voice was like velvet over the phone, and you wanted to cry again. You had to swallow several times, searching for your voice before you spoke. "I'm sorry." You said, and before you could continue, your own sobs thought it would be nice to choke you up again. Now you just cried out of frustration, and it pained Jungkook way deeper than he liked to admit. This was horrible for him, the way he could clearly hear your painful whimpers, he just knew you were getting a headache already- and he couldn't do anything from this far away. He could only wait for you to continue. "You- I was so mean to you and so so dumb and I didn't mean it, I promise." You said tearfully. "I love how you drive me to work sometimes, how you get me things from the upper shelves in the kitchen, how- how you help me carry the groceries, a-and how you help with- with reminding me to eat, and how you tried to help me with my car even though you had no clue what to do and-" You said, and he hushed you again, noticing how you got riled up again. "I feel so bad 'Koo, I didn't even hug you goodbye when you stood behind me and I even pushed you and I didn't answer your texts and I really wanted you to come here too cause everyone's just drinking and I hate that, and there's this weird arcade place close by and you always told me how I suck at video games so I wanted you to show off there again even though I always tell you I hate it and-" You said, and he laughed.

"Baby stop, breathe." He said, grinning so hard his cheeks started to hurt. He always told everyone how soft you were, yet no one believed him when he said it. Taehyung always said you probably held the reigns in the bedroom, yet how could you ever? He just wanted to shelter you from the entire world, your soul way too gentle and fragile to be placed in such a rough environment in his opinion. He'd started to google the fastest route to your hotel, internally sighing when he saw the 6-hour mark on the quickest way. He didn't care however. "It's alright angel. First of all, you're not dumb." He said, sending the route to his phone while getting up to grab some clothes and his bag. "You're the smartest girl I've ever met okay, and nothing will change that." Not really caring what exactly he grabbed, he made sure to get an extra sweater for you to put on, knowing how you didn't pack any of his in your anger. "Second of all, why were you even mad in the first place baby? I really don't get it. If you want me to take care of you the way I did, why did it set you off yesterday?" He asked, genuinely confused.

You bit your lip, curled up on the way too large double bed which had been booked since Jungkook was technically supposed to be here. "Soohyeon said-" you began, but he groaned loudly at that, making you pout.

"Soohyeon? I really should've known. That woman really can't take rejection can she?" He said, his mood rotting the more he thought about her. "I don't think I wanna know what she said. Look baby, whatever she said, it's bullcrap okay?" Zipping up his bag quietly to not raise suspicion on your side, he sat back down on the corner of the bed. "I love you, alright princess? I'd tattoo that onto my forehead if I could keep my job after that." He said, and you giggled at that, making him visibly deflate. Thank god. "I love that sound too. Now go wash your face and drink some water so that your headache won't be so bad in the morning, alright?" He said, and you nodded, before internally cringing and answering him verbally. "Good. Now sleep baby, we'll talk tomorrow, alright? Love you." He said. And you immediately said it back, rushing into the bathroom after ending the call.

The next day started with a message on your phone, reminding you to drink lots of water to conquer your headache, and you smiled this time. When you met up with Alex for breakfast in the Hotel Lobby, she had greeted you with a hug, yet she also asked what was wrong, and why you'd left so suddenly last night. You explained to her what happened, leaving a few smaller details out that would be embarrassing down the line, like your slight panic attack over the phone simply because you remembered how you didn't hug him goodbye. That was your secret to keep.

She'd helped you with carrying your plate, when suddenly someone took it from her with a thanks, and your eyes widened when a hand was placed on the small of your back, the warmth of it slowly seeping through your shirt. You should be terrified but at least a bit uneasy, yet it was the smell that suddenly hung in the air that made your eyes almost water. Not because it was too present like your mom's perfume every time you went out to dinner as a family, but because you knew this- because Jungkook hated strong smells, and always washed his clothes with a specific fabric softener. But- how?

"Surprise?" He said, looking over your shoulder with his sugary sweet bunny smile, and you hugged him, careful of the plate he held in his hand. He simply laughed, already feeling way better than back home. Because even if he didn't outright say it, even just a day apart, especially when you both have had an argument before, had been hell for him. He was concerned for you whenever he couldn't be close to you, not because he thought you weren't capable, but because he thought why should you deal with things he could deal with way easier? When it came down to it, he was sure that you could stand up for yourself- you weren't a child before, as much as you may thought you were in his eyes. It was tricky, to say the least.

Soohyeon's eyes widened at the view of Jungkook walking into the hotel restaurant for breakfast, yours and his plate in his hands while looking for a table you could both sit at. It wasn't so much so that she was jealous, not really, because the dynamic you both had was nothing she wanted in a relationship- yet she couldn't help but feel a bit upset over the fact that he had gotten into a relationship with you. Technically, you were absolutely not his type, but what did she know?

Jungkook chuckled as he sat down with you next to a window, knowing even though you didn't outright say it that you liked this particular seat. He could spot Soohyeon in the corner of his eye, and wanted to laugh a bit, yet decided not to, simply as to not embarass you. You smiled, happy that he was there, and that was all that counted. "So, about that arcade place-" He started, and you groaned a bit, making him laugh. "Hey, come on, let me tease you a bit baby. You were the one leaving me cold like that, remember?" He said, and regretted it as soon as those words left him when he saw you visibly deflate. "Hey- sorry, I didn't mean it like that. Let's not talk about that right now, okay?" He said, and you nodded, shoving another piece of toast between your teeth.

Suddenly that trip didn't feel so boring after all. Having Jungkook at your side made almost everything way better- and funnier. You felt more freedom now, knowing that you had someone at your side who would have your back if you did something bold. It was like Jungkook's presence gave you a sudden boost in confidence, Alex smiling every time you made a sassy comment, being a stark contrast to how you'd acted before. But that was just the effect he had on you.

You both later on ditched the rest of the group and decided to go back to the hotel room- simply because you insisted, even though Jungkook himself told you over and over again that he wasn't tired, sometimes even being interrupted by a yawn as if his body was trying to tell you how big of a lie his words were. You didn't mind at all that he needed a bit of rest, you loved sleep after all, and it was even better when you could sleep in the arms of a loved one like him. He immediately fell onto the bed, sighing in relief and you laughed at that, putting down your handbag before going into the bathroom to take off your makeup. It was still mid-day, but you honestly didn't feel like wearing anything anymore, rather happily grabbing your makeup-wipes and cleaning your face. Jungkook came into the bathroom, smiling as he took in your now clean face. "I love it when you don't wear makeup." He said, wrapping his hands around your middle and placing a kiss on your cheek. Ever since your little 'moment' a week ago, he'd been way more generous with his kisses around you. It seemed like he'd officially broken down an internal wall, like he learned something new and had to experience it over and over to really get the hang of it. And you loved it.

Back on the bed, you had your phone in hand, randomly checking your twitter feed for anything interesting, when Jungkook finally emerged from the bathroom, having insisted on taking a very long hot shower because 'look, I payed for this shit so I'm gonna use it'. You'd laughed at that and the fact that he insisted on having you shower with him, yet eventually giving up after you'd explained to him that that's dangerous, that you could slip and hurt yourself because you just knew he wouldn't be able to keep his hands to himself- that thought alone made him shut up, if a bit pouty. He had a towel wrapped around his lower parts, but the view of his bare upper body wasn't something unusual. He had a habit of normally sleeping without a shirt, and generally walking around the apartment without one on a day off for that matter. You didn't really knew why exactly he did that, but hey, you weren't complaining at all. He suddenly laid down on top of you in a teasing way, his arms resting next to your elbows keeping your upper body up since you were laying on your stomach. Of course he didn't let himself fall down, knowing he would probably crush you under his weight, but he also knew that you loved being this close to him, even if you sometimes made pouty remarks on how he was bullying you for being small. "what'cha doing?" He said, placing his chin on top of your head, trying to catch a glimpse of your phonescreen while you scrolled down. He became increasingly more touchy, suddenly running his fingers over your arms, moving his head to rest on your shoulder, before he eventually started to softly kiss the side of your neck. You had to admit it was hard resisting, but you liked to test his patience once in a while. "Yah, pay attention to me.." He whined, playfully biting the skin just above your collarbone, making you squeak, and him laugh darkly. Today, it seemed like he wasn't really up for playing. Because once he saw that you still refused to give into his advances, he eventually placed his way larger hand over yours, pressing the lock button on your phone before taking it from you.

"Hey!" You said, turning around and sitting criss-crossed while watching him place your phone on the bedside table, even making sure to connect the charger before turning around to face you again. His hair was still damp, his skin soft and still a little red on some parts where the water had heated him up. Even though his eyes held something mischievous and impish in them, you noticed just how young and fierce he looked; it made you remember just how much of an untamed person he really was. While you were someone attached to him like a newly grown limp, he was free to go wherever he wanted. Maybe he was just as uncaring then? Would he really slow down himself in order to make you catch up to him? Maybe he would. He'd shown you again and again just how gentle he actually could be, yet he also never backed down from a challenge with anyone. You really weren't as competitive as him, yet his nature had started to really colour your soul as well, making you bolder whenever he was around. Turning back time to the beginning of your relationship, you would've never seen you being so open with him like you were now. "You aren't even wearing clothes, gimme my phone back 'koo-" You started, but he'd seen through you already.

He smiled and crawled up to you, his towel getting caught under his knee during his movements making it eventually just lay on the matress underneath his legs as he towered over you, this time your body laying on its back underneath him and his gaze. You blushed chrimson, trying hard not to look down at all, and it made him laugh. "Oh baby, I don't plan on sleeping right now." He said, hands grabbing your wrists and putting them over your head. "And I don't need clothes either for what I'm about to do." He whispered, turning his head to the side and watching your face for a minute before chuckling. "Seriously doll? You've seen it all more than once by now, how are you still shy?" Moving his hands to run over your form, he stopped for a second, face serious. "Do you want to? We don't have to right now." He said, and you shook your head at that. You'd missed him. You wanted him too.

Moving to throw your shirt over your head, he instantly leaned in for a kiss, the newfound sensation now one of his favorite feelings with you. Back then kissing had been somewhat of a taboo for him; not because he didn't like it, but because he'd always been a hopeless romantic deep down, promising himself that he would keep a signature offering just as kissing for his actual lover, not just anyone he'd screw. It was such a meaningful gesture to him that he could not bring himself to kiss anyone other than you- but he'd never tell you that. That was embarassing. Your soft mewls eventually brought his thoughts back to you, moving his hands and lips away from where they had been to new destinations. Your lavender colored shorts had to go as well as your white lacy bra- and he smiled at the fact that this time was a rare occurance where you didn't match up your underwear. He thought about teasing you about it, but eventually decided against it, feeling way too needy for your taste and touch at this point. Suddenly however, you spoke up.

"Ngh, wait-" You said, and he immediately stopped what he was doing, eyes searching yours for any explanation. A blush covered your face and heaving chest, a view he would describe as heavenly if it wasn't for the slight concern that made its way through his brain. I wanna, uhm.." You started, but went into panic mode. How where you supposed to ask him that? You'd been so bold before with pleasuring him with your hands, yet you wanted to go even further- however, you never even saw so much as porn of it before, clicking away as soon as you thought you could watch it. Maybe it was really childish, but this was something you wanted to try, your curiousness getting the best of you at this point, but you also didn't know how to express that properly. Maybe he didn't even like those things, maybe he would be against it, and then the moment would be ruined and the night would become awkward as hell. His hand was placed on your chin, his thumb gently pulling your lower lip out from your teeth to stop your biting. This was your Jungkookie for god's sake, he would never laugh at you for this! (He actually would, just a little bit, but that was besides the point.) "I uhm.." you started again, before closing your eyes and taking a deep breath. "I wanna go down on you too." You rushed, and waited for his response. Which did take a bit.

His eyes were wide open, and for a moment he looked just like the phrase always said, 'like a deer caught in the headlights'. You wanted to... what? It wasn't like he was against it or complaining, hell fucking no, but when did you even get that idea? It was always a little confusing to him how you could be so angelic, yet so mature at the same time. Suddenly his mind started to go nuts, visions of you on your knees in front of him, eyes so innocent staring up at him while he had his length placed inside your mouth- good lord. "Are you.. sure? You don't have to, you know-" He started but you cut him off.

"I'm sure, I just-" You said, playing with your fingers out of habit. "You would need to, you know, tell me how.." Jungkook almost growled at that. Of course that was your first time; and the fact that you trusted him so much as to ask him for this made his pride swell up- well, not only that, but right now he had other priorities. He gently traced your cheek, before moving to get a pillow from the bed, placing it on the floor at the corner.

"Alright baby." He said, and you nervously went down to kneel on the pillow, thankful that he didn't make you place your knees on the hardwood floor. But then again, he'd never do anything to hurt you whatsoever, so it wasn't too surprising. Somehow, even though you'd seen it countless of times you still avoided eye contact with his hard on, making him smile a bit. Your nervousness was quite endearing to him if he was honest, yet he would never voice that out loud. Instead, he slowly took your hands, placing them just underneath his navel, before he ran a hand through your hair, brushing it out of your field of vision for you. "Take your time pretty girl, just do what you think feels right." He said, voice low but steady. "I'll lead you on the way. Just relax." He spoke, hands never stopping his gentle reassurance. Even though you felt like you would never be ready, you slowly started to move your hands. At first you placed them on the inside of his thighs, getting a feel of it, before moving them to his hipbones and leaving them there. You slowly breathed to calm your own nerves before you placed a kiss on the side of him, making him breath out a bit heavier. Easing into it, you eventually took the tip inside your mouth, bitter and salty tastes combining in your mouth from the taste of his skin and slight precum. It wasn't unpleasant though, so you didn't shy away.

As soon as you started to suck just a little, his head fell back. His breathing was a bit shaky you noticed, and when you took a little more of him in, you noticed how the muscles of his stomach tightened. "Just like that-" He breathed out, getting interrupted when you swallowed around him a little as to not drool all over the place. You moved backwards to let him pop out before taking him in again, soft lips leaving a heavenly feeling behind. He looked at you with admiration, and if his mind had been trying to display an image of what you maybe looked like in this situation, nothing could've prepared him for the view he actually got. Second after second you got more comfortable in what you were doing, but it was when your eyes innocently looked up at him while your head turned a little to the side, hair bruhing his thigh, that he broke. A grunt was leaving his lips as you reached for his hand, intertwining your fingers in his. The way how you made something so filthy feel so romantic made him a little jealous- you always did things like this so effortlessly, while he struggled with writing a fucking birthday card the right way without making it sound over the top or cheesy. "God- yes-" He choked out, before you placed your free hand around the rest of him that wouldn't fit into your mouth, moaning a bit yourself around him. "I don't even have to- fuck- teach you anything-" he said, chuckling a bit under his breath, chest heaving and dusted in a mild watermelon shade, sweat starting to glisten on his skin. "you're such a smart girl, ah- you're my good girl, so so good, fuck-" He said, thighs suddenly trembling. His hand found its way into your hair, his grip tightening a bit without being too rough. "Baby I'm gonna cum, princess, stop I'm- ah-!“ He said, but you almost cockily didn't stop, instead swallowing again around him, before you could feel his cum heavy on your tongue as he actually whimpered out a moan. Your nose scrunched up a bit at the taste yet you swallowed it down, and he fell backwards, taking a deep breath. You moved to stand up, legs a bit sore from your position, laying down on your stomach next to him, wiping your mouth with the back of your hand. "You really are something else dollface." He said, his hand placing itself behind your ear before he pulled you closer, kissing you deeply. He didn't mind the slighty weird taste of his own release on your tongue one bit.

The way you could rile him up in a matter of seconds was witchcraft, he was sure of it, yet he didn't mind being cursed if it was you putting a spell on him. It didn't matter as long as he could be like this with you forever at this point. Was this what love actually was? His kisses were deep, rushed, as if he was running out of time again, but that was who he was. Jungkook was an impatient man, only slowly learning to take a break or stop and stare for a second. He'd been a selfish and hurried being before he'd eventually met you, nowadays starting to make time for things instead of squeezing his happiness in between seemingly important tasks during his day. Moments like these however made him fall back into his old steps, yet you didn't mind at all. This was just who he was, and you loved him either way. His hand travelled lower, eventually finding your folds, slipping between them with ease, your juices making every motion glide softly as ever. Putting pressure on your pulsing nub you mewled into his mouth, back arching off the matress and chest pushing against his, your hands grabbing the sheets in small fists before loosening up, just to grab them again. You gasped when he eventually let your lips go, instead playfully biting and sucking on the skin of your shoulder down to your collarbone, making sure to leave his marks on his way. His fingers eventually slipped inside you, curling up to have you moving to a beat only you both could feel. He took them out of you after a bit of making sure you were ready for him, impatiently pumping his length to get himself ready as well, before he grabbed his travelbag, opening it hurriedly and grabbing a familiar foil package. Ripping it open with slightly shaking hands, he rolled it over his sensitive tip, making sure it was properly placed before he joined you again on the now dishelved hotel bed. The first push made you both groan out, before you had moved your legs, heels placing themselves just above his behind, trying to keep him close to you. He sighed, swallowing between breaths, sweat now making his skin glow as the sun slowly peaked out beneath the clouds again, shining through the window, blinds drawing patterns of glowing stripes on your skin wherever it could reach you two. He whished he could take a picture right now, the entire scenery so sappy and aesthetic to him that he couldn't help but plead that he would never forget this view. He groaned when you started to clench around him. "Ugh, you're so good to me princess.." He pressed out between grunts. His pace picked up again, the sound of skin against skin ever so present in the room. "Such a good- good girl for me, yeah?" He said, and smiled when you nodded at him, hands grabbing at his biceps, holding onto him for dear life. Your orgasm came sudden, so sudden that it made you yelp a bit, an in your ears way too loud moan escaping- while it sounded like music to Jungkook himself as he released inside the condom inside you, body shaking as he slowly pulled out making you whine at him cutely.

You both laid beside each other, Jungkook putting the sheets over your body, knowing how easily you got cold afterwards. He curled up behind you after getting rid of his condom, pulling you as close to him as possible, sun slowly glowing warmer and warmer, before you both fell asleep.

"hey." Something touched the tip of your nose. You scrunched it up, groaning before pulling the sheets higher to cover your face. "No no, baby." The voice of your boyfriend was evident, sleep lacing it a little but he seemed to be awake. "If you sleep any longer you'll get a headache princess." He said, and you turned around again to face him, hating how he was right. "There you are. Good morning." He said, smile ever so present on his features. You remembered briefly getting up late at night and showering after Jungkook helped you with it, before falling asleep again. Now it was almost 11 in the morning, and you were surprised how long you'd slept. "We missed breakfast, but I wanted to take you out for some fast food anyways." He said, sitting up and making you smile impishly.

"Chicken Nuggets for breakfast?" You asked a bit timidly, and he chuckled.

"Only because you gave me head yesterday." He bluntly said, and you hid yourself again.

He really was the worst boyfriend ever. And the best.

"I still can't believe how that was your first time doing that."

"Please stop talking about it-"

"Oh I will. If I can get another one tonight?"

"Shut up 'Koo."

"Oh you love me!"

Yes. Yes you did.

Thank you so much for reading, and again, don't hesitate to send in asks for 'koo or the MC to answer! Much love, Bonny <3

[fckinsupreme]

sub! virgin jim mason 😳😳

I did this for slightly older!Jim! He’s in his early 20s in this one and reader is an adult film actress.

———————-

Telling one of your open secrets to Jim hadn’t been easy, but you knew you had to do it. The odds of him eventually finding out had been great, and you would rather he hear it from you than accidentally discovering it himself. The fact that he didn’t already know surprised you, but it also filled you with relief. He meant a lot to you, and the fact that this may drive him away filled you with unfathomable dread.

The two of you had been friends for about three years now, having met at the beach when you came to a nearby university to study. You bonded over your shared love of surfing, of the water, of the beach, and you had been nearly inseparable ever since. You told him everything, except for what you did on the side. A degree in marine biology led you nowhere, even in an area such as this one. It wasn’t paying the rent, the bills, the necessities. You found yourself seeking out other options, and stumbled into the porn industry. You hadn’t made many films; just some small ones that didn’t get much recognition compared to bigger porn stars, but those more than paid for what you needed. However, you still felt that Jim had a right to know, and that’s when you decided to tell him.

He took it surprisingly well. He was shocked at first, but he had been incredibly supportive of you. He offered to help you if you ever needed out, but you told him that you were loving what you did. He also asked—out of curiosity, you assumed—what your screen name was. You gladly gave it to him, and a thoughtful, joyous expression crossed his features. The relief for telling him was overwhelming, and you went home that evening feeling happy and, for the first time in awhile, at ease.

The next day, you went over to see him. When you didn’t get an answer after knocking three times, you grabbed his key from your purse. You each had keys to the other’s place, and you were concerned when he didn’t come to greet you, so you decided to let yourself in. You call for him, but still don’t get an answer. Panic begins to mount, but you keep telling yourself that he’s just asleep and that’s all there was to it. You always feared he would relapse, and every time you didn’t get anything from him or he vanished for awhile, your worry is at an all-time high.

But he wasn’t asleep this time, and he thankfully didn’t relapse.

When you reach his room, you can see him through a wide crack in his door. His back is to you, the unmistakable sounds of sex coming from the computer in front of him. His tiny whimpers and grunts are nearly drowned out by those of whatever he was watching, and you push the door open to see what it was. Your blood runs cold when you see yourself on the screen, but your dread doesn’t last long when you see that he’s touching himself while watching it. His hand moves vigorously, the sounds of him jerking off also masked within the noises of the film. You feel a jolt of arousal coursing between your thighs, and you squeeze them together in attempt to calm I t.

You take another step into the room, and a creaking floorboard gives you away. Jim wheels around, his eyes wide in horror as his cheeks turn a deep crimson. He fumbles with the laptop, pausing it and slamming the lid shut as he shakes his head. You feel bad for startling him and embarrassing him, so you step toward him as you smile warmly.

“It’s okay,” you say, standing before him as you place a hand on one of his red cheeks. “It’s okay, Jim. Don’t be ashamed; I’m not mad or upset.”

“I...I’m sorry, I...” Jim says, wringing his hands as he looks up at you. “I got curious, and...”

“Shh, shh, it’s okay,” you say, smiling as you run a finger down his cheek. “Actually...If you wanted me to, I’d love to help you out.”

“What do you mean?” Jim asks, eyeing you in confusion.

You nod toward his erection, which was still visible. “I mean that I want to help you with that. I want to touch you, and you can touch me as well, if you want.”

“I...” he says, laughing nervously as he looks to the ground. “I have a secret to tell you, too.”

“What is it?” you ask.

“I’m...I’ve never actually...had sex before,” he says, his cheeks pink again.

“Really?” you ask, your brows raised in surprise. “Well...how would you like it if I was your first?”

He doesn’t take long to answer, slowly glancing from the ground to you. “I would like that a lot...”

You lean forward and kiss him softly, your lips pressed chastely to his. He doesn’t draw back; in fact, he welcomes it. You don’t take it a step further yet, instead standing up and extending a hand for him to take. He does so, swallowing thickly as you lead him to his bed. You grip the bottom of his shirt and he nods, knowing what you’re wanting to do. You tug it over his head, tossing it aside before doing the same with your own. He eyes your breasts, still within your bra, and he shyly reaches out to massage them. You moan softly, biting your lip as you fumble with the belt of his pants. Fortunately, they were already halfway down; your hands were shaking with anticipation and you didn’t know if you could get them off. You get out of the rest of your clothing, Jim’s eyes glued to you as you slowly strip for him.

“Fuck,” he whispers as he takes in your nude form, his eyes settling on your breasts.

“You look hot, too,” you say with a chuckle, nodding toward his computer as you push him onto his back. You straddle him, mewling as you softly grind against his erection. “I noticed you were watching a video of me dominating a guy. That got you going, huh?”

“Yes,” he says with a rapid nod. “I...It’s always been a fantasy of mine. Is that weird?”

“No,” you say gently, running your hands up his chest before anchoring them on his shoulders. “Just like this won’t make our friendship weird, I hope.”

“It won’t,” he promises, his hands on your waist as he slowly runs them over your rib cage.

“Then I’ll do it,” you say, grinning at him before kissing him hungrily. He groans against your lips, and he breaks the kiss to gaze at you desperately. “I know you don’t have a strap-on like I had in that video, but I can dominate you in other ways.”

“Tie me to the bed,” he begs, causing you to raise an eyebrow. “And...could you, um...stuff your panties in my mouth, too?”

“Like a gag?” you ask, and he nods. “Yeah, I can do that.”

You move off the bed, grabbing one of his belts and your panties from the floor. You tie him first, making sure the restraint is secure on his bedpost & his wrists before stuffing your underwear into his mouth. His eyes roll back, and he mumbles a word of thanks around the flimsy fabric. You smile, kissing down his jaw and over his neck before pulling one of his nipples gently between your teeth. He moans, and you sit up a little to meet his eyes.

“I’m gonna suck your cock,” you say. “If you want that, nod. If not, shake your head.”

He nods rapidly, bucking up a little before you grab his throat in warning. “Ah, ah. Patience, Jimmy; you don’t want me to change my mind, do you?”

He shakes his head, stilling his movements in defeat. You make your way down, giving attention to his V-lines as you do so. He tries to say something around the gag, and you shake your head with a soft shush. You jerk him off for a moment, licking a slow stripe from the base of his cock to the tip, allowing him to get used to the sensation.

“This is gonna feel so much better than you could have imagined,” you say. “But if you want me to stop or something doesn’t feel good, shake your head. Okay?”

He nods to show that he understands, and you press sloppy, open mouth kisses all over his shaft. He whines pleasurably, swallowing thickly around the gag as he gazes down at you in anticipation. You give his cock a few more pumps before taking him into your mouth, gagging around him as he hits the back of your throat. Jim bucks upward, moaning hotly and breathing heavily through his nose as his lashes flutter. He twitches in your mouth, his large vein throbbing against your tongue as you start to bob your head.

“Mmnnn,” he groans, his head thrown back against his pillows. “Fnnnck!”

You cup his balls in one hand, grasping his base with the other. You massage them, jerking him off into your mouth as your speed increases. It’s over in a minute or two, and he cums forcefully in your throat as you pop off. You open your mouth to show him the cum that didn’t already go down your throat, swallowing gratefully after doing so. His cheeks are dark red, embarrassment written all over his face as he tries speaking around your panties. You move up his body and remove them, and he looks at you with tears in his eyes.

“I’m so sorry,” he says, shaking his head as he tries to fight off more tears. “I didn’t mean...I didn’t mean to do that so soon, I...”

“Shh, shh,” you say gently, kissing over his face. “You have nothing to be sorry for. Something felt really good and you just responded, that’s all. If anything, I’m flattered.”

“Really?” Jim asks. “You aren’t mad that it happened so quickly?”

“No,” you say. “In fact, it just means that we can have more fun while you warm back up.”

“What do you mean?” he asks, and you smile at his innocence. “You mean—“

“I’m gonna make you feel good so that you can fuck me,” you say. “If you want that.”

“Yes,” he says eagerly. “But I...Could you maybe...um...edge me this time?”

“Of course,” you say, kissing him passionately before straddling his face. “Do you wanna eat me out, Jimmy?”

“Yes,” he says, tugging at the belt as he tries to grip you. “I want to taste you...”

“Go ahead,” you say, lowering yourself a little so that he can get a taste. “It’s okay, Jimmy...”

Jim delves in immediately, groaning against your pussy as he laps at the sticky, milky arousal that’s pooled there. He doesn’t stop, completely lost in what he’s doing, his mouth lazily working from your entrance, to your clit, and then back again. Your head tips back, your hands massaging your breasts and giving your nipples a little bit of a tug before one hand lands in his hair.

“Did you ever think you would get to experience your first time with a porn star?” you ask, moaning as he shakes his head against your cunt in response.

“No,” he says, sucking your clit gingerly before giving the restraints another pull. “Please...let me out of these. I wanna touch you.”

“Not yet,” you say, crying out as he sucks your inner labia. “Make me cum first, and maybe, just /maybe/, I’ll consider it.”

————

Baby taglist: @littledemondani @wroteclassicaly @leatherduncan @elizabeth-bennnett-darcy @codyfernmorelikedaddyfern @melodylangdon @wickedlangdon @xavierplympton @xavierplymptons @littlegirlsdontplaynice @whatcodysaid @dark-mei-rose @frenchlangdon @blakewaterxx

[buckleysjareau]

i put a spell on you

911 Week 2020, Day 2: “You scared the shit out of me!” + Fun

link to read it on ao3

Eddie Diaz absolutely loved Halloween. Ever since he was an excitable eight year old boy he’d been known to go all out for the holiday. Twenty-four years and a son had not changed that. In fact, it had only made him more excited for the season. Getting Chris involved in the festive shenanigans he pulled out every year, setting a tradition with him, only added to the excitement of everything. 

His first Halloween in Los Angeles, he’d been pretty tame at the one-eighteen, not having a lot of time to go all out, what with the new job and Shannon coming back into his life. He pulled a few pranks, mainly on Buck, and he made sure his apartment was decorated to satisfactory but that’s as far as it had gone that year. The next Halloween was a hard time for him and he definitely was not in the mood for pranks and haunted houses, but like always, no matter how bad things are, Chris and him decorate the apartment and bake cookies. Halloween was his Christmas. 

The one-eighteen was not prepared for Halloween Eddie Diaz. This year was his first Halloween season with the one-eighteen where things were calm in his life and in his head, for the most part. Christopher has been talking about Halloween since September, something a young Eddie always did, and it gives him a weird sense of pride. 

The first week of October consists of decorating the apartment. They’ve accumulated a lot of stuff over the years so it takes a few days to get everything set up. Christopher points out that their place is smaller than their house in Texas and since they have so many decorations left, they should decorate the firehouse. It’s amazing how in sync he was with his son when it came to this holiday. He’s glad Shannon hadn’t raised him to dislike Halloween as much as she had. Father-son bonding in the form of planning Halloween pranks and turning their apartment into something that resembled a haunted mansion was the best form of bonding and Eddie’s just so glad he has that.

His next shift, he walks in with the biggest grin and Hen raises an eyebrow. He just flashes her a smaller smile and ignores the questioning look, walking right past her and straight to Captain’s office. He waits for the clear to come in and stands behind a chair that’s seated in front of his desk. He shakes his head when Bobby offers him a seat.

“I’m not gonna be long, just had a silly question,” he explains. “Can I decorate the firehouse for Halloween? I have way too many decorations for my apartment and I’m sure some of the team could use the Halloween spirit around here.”

Bobby raises an eyebrow. “Halloween spirit, huh?”

“Halloween has always been my Christmas. I go all out for Halloween the way Buck does for Christmas. It’s been like that since I was eight.” Eddie grins and he guesses he sees the ease and excitement on Eddie’s face because he’s giving him a look he can’t quite decipher. “I probably would have asked sooner but the last two Halloweens have kind of sucked, if you can remember.”

“Oh, I remember. I’m glad you’re doing okay now, though.” He smiles. “Go wild with the decorations, Diaz.” 

In a very, as many at one-eighteen would describe it, Buck-like manner, Eddie lights up with excitement and goes to leave. “Thanks, Cap!”

Now, he knows Bobby probably didn’t think Eddie would be starting right away but he already had three boxes of decorations in his truck and he just couldn’t wait. He gets dressed first, greets Chimney and a probie on their way in, and carries in the boxes.

“What are those?” Buck walks over to help with three containers. “Why are they so heavy?”

“Thanks.” He puts down the two boxes Buck didn’t grab and sits on top of one, out of breath. “They’re Halloween decorations! We have a lot left over so Chris said we should make the firehouse look as spooky as our apartment.”

Buck’s fond smile turns to one of doom, as if just remembering Eddie’s first year there and all of the pranks he’d played on Buck, specifically. “Are you like this every Halloween?”

“Oh, Buck, you haven’t seen anything yet. That first Halloween season here was pretty tame, and we weren’t talking last Halloween, so you have no earthly idea what’s about to happen.” Eddie smirks at the frightened look on his best friend’s face. God, does Halloween make him feel great. 

(And Buck.)

Once the firehouse is decorated, Eddie can finally start focusing on the myriad of pranks he has lined up for his family. Christopher is his partner in crime for a lot of the planning but also made sure Eddie wasn’t going to prank Buck too much. 

It’s not his fault Buck is just extremely jumpy and easy to scare.

The first prank he plays on Buck is something that took a lot of careful planning and sneaking around. 

See, Buck has his phobias. Eddie would never use those against him, especially anything to do with water. He knew how horrible PTSD was and would never want to trigger a flashback or panic attack. But, until the team’s horror movie marathon at Eddie’s a few days before finally revealed something actually does creep Evan Buckley out.

Like he’s said, Buck has always been jumpy and an easy target for pranks but that man had no fears. He could get Chimney with fake snakes, he could get Hen with fake props or werewolves, and Bobby jumped so high his first year when he left a flimsy rubber cockroach on his desk. 

He always had to get Buck with leftover gags. Not this year, though.

It came up when Eddie, without telling Buck what the next movie was, started to play the remake of Child’s Play and Buck cursed at the TV. 

According to Maddie, dolls had always creeped him out. Even before he’d watched the first Child’s Play, dolls had been something that Buck hated to look at or watch. When he threw out her old baby dolls when cleaning out the attic one year, Maddie happened to catch the thing on video. A video she promised to show in front of an embarrassed Evan Buckley.

He’d finally had an idea. He asked Maddie if it would be okay before asking for her help to plan it so when Maddie says it would be a good idea, she becomes yet another partner in crime. She finds an old doll online, a doll she knows would send Buck running if it talked.

Good thing it’s not gonna talk.

He first places the doll in Buck’s locker to give him the jumpscare. Buck is almost done with his shower and is going to have to put stuff away so it’s the perfect place. 

When he walks down to the locker room, Eddie grabs a rag out of a probie’s hand and starts “cleaning the truck” so he wouldn’t be noticeable to Buck. He’s close enough to the locker room to hear some things and he’s got a direct line of sight on Buck’s locker. He starts to feel like a child that pranked a teacher and was excitedly waiting for said teacher to sit down on her chair that no longer had screws. He feels like one of those class clowns and he loves it. He feels young again.

The locker opens and the doll falls on him, something he hadn’t planned on happening but it makes the reaction so much better. Hen knew about the prank, saw him put the doll in there, so she recorded it for Maddie and hopefully, with Buck’s permission of course, the internet. 

“EDDIE!” Buck screams after he flings the doll across the room with all force.

Buck is exasperated and shocked, mouth wide open, glaring at Eddie. And Eddie?

Eddie can’t stop laughing. Hen and Chimney are just as bad and Bobby is trying to keep it in to maintain a little professionalism. 

“She--she was-she wasn’t supposed to fall!” 

The prank didn’t end there. Once Buck leaves again, after demanding an apology for the heart attack he’d given him, Eddie picks up the doll and hands it to another paramedic. He instructs her to put it behind Buck as carefully and quietly as she could. Buck was currently in the loft, playing a video game with Hen and Chimney, most definitely only focused on one thing: winning. 

He holds in his laughter as Mitchie places the doll carefully on the couch behind him and waits patiently for Buck to finally give up on winning and quit the game -- which comes faster than Eddie thinks it would. 

“I’m never playing with you guys a-” Buck jumps, stopping his sentence, at the sight of the doll. 

“Very funny, Eddie!” Buck groans as he tries to slow down his heart. 

Eddie, who snuck into the bunk room to screw with him, walks out with hair that he messed up himself. “What’s very funny?” 

“Oh, stop acting like you didn’t put this thing here!” He shivers as he stares at it again. 

“Buck, how dare you? She has a name!” Eddie snickers. The frustrated look on Buck’s face just adds fuel to Eddie’s mischievous mood.

He gets other members of his team to help place the doll where Buck normally goes and by the time they’re done four calls and are in the bunk rooms ready to sleep, the doll has popped up three more times, making Buck jump every time. The last time, Buck took the doll and threw it in the trash, like that would stop it. 

He waits until Buck’s fake sleeping turns to real sleeping before he goes into action. He takes the doll from his bag, tip toes over to Buck’s bed and carefully places the doll under his blanket next to him. When he’s back in his own bunk, he shuts his eyes and doesn’t wake up until he hears Buck cursing him out.

“You were right when I said I had no earthly idea what I was in for, oh my God, Eddie. I am not ready for the rest of the month. I woke up to a mouth full of doll hair! Thing was looking at me right in the eyes when I woke up, so if you’ll excuse me, I’m gonna go burn that demon th-”

Buck’s rant is cut off by Eddie’s laughter again but this time, Buck cracks. The otherwise empty bunk room was suddenly full of laughter. 

After they calm down, Buck smiles fondly at Eddie. “God, Eds, you’re so lucky I love seeing you happy…”

Eddie’s response to that is a blush and a shy smile before he clears his throat. “You wanna help me get Hen?”

-

The rest of the week, Eddie ends up pranking his entire team at least twice. Eddie gets Bobby in the shower by putting red Kool-Aid in the shower head so when Bobby turns on the water, he’s sprayed by what Eddie wanted to look like blood. When Bobby asks about it, hair stained red, Eddie lies and says that it was meant for Chimney. It gets him off the hook but he has a feeling he would have gotten away with it anyway.

The whole team, Athena, Carla, and even his Abuela have pointed out a few times how happy he looks. He really can’t explain why October makes things feel easier, especially when the last two have been particularly shitty, but it probably has something to do with the weather and the kid-like aspect of Halloween that makes him feel less burdened by the weight of the world. He can just let himself enjoy the pranks, the decorations, the special time with his kid that loves Halloween just as much as him.

Another huge reason he loves the holiday was haunted houses. 

He was one of those people that got a kick out of being scared and always went willingly, leading a group through the horrors and fake blood. His first date with Shannon had been at a haunted house, and even though it ended being one of the best first dates either had been on, he’s pretty sure Shannon thought he was a psychopath for going in without apprehension. 

It wasn’t just the haunted attractions that Eddie loved. There’s bonfires, cider, hot chocolate, live music, and more. The whole thing was a comfort for him and he could not wait to experience it with the family he chose in Los Angeles. 

They plan everything for the next night they’re all off for the weekend. Eddie buys tickets for the Buckley’s, much to their dismay, to pay them back for all the times they’ve treated. It throws Buck through a bit of a loop, sends him spiraling a little, and doesn’t relax until Eddie agrees to let him buy Christopher and him some hot chocolate and candy apples. 

He lets it go when they get there and Buck’s face lights up as he looks around at everything in awe. 

“Mads, do you remember we went to that farm like, an hour away from Hershey with the haunted attractions that one year? I was twelve, I think, and you took me out because I was bummed about a game or something…” Buck’s face is nostalgic and it warms Eddie’s heart even more that the magic of fall and Halloween can bring a smile like that to his face. 

“Yes! I clearly remember you kicking a clown in the face on the haunted hayride and almost pushed him off the moving tractor when he scared you.” Maddie giggled. 

“You know, I did the same thing once when I was fifteen,”

His mom still brings it up every Halloween. It probably wouldn’t have been memorable if Eddie Diaz ever actually passed the flight or fight line when it came to being scared. Most people have a fight or flight response to being scared, but Eddie never had that response. It’s not to say that he doesn’t get scared, because he does, but his response to getting scared was always to laugh. 

The one time his fight or flight instinct kicks in, he just has to fight.

Eddie, his sisters, and his parents are walking through the basement of the haunted house, Eddie leading the way, as usual. One of his sisters is crying, he can’t tell who, completely focused on his surroundings as to not get too spooked. His sister pulls him to a stop by accident, so he turns around for one second to tell her not to, and there’s someone in his face when he turns back. 

He screamed higher than anyone’s ever heard him and socks the actor right in the face. 

His family still doesn’t let him live it down, but hey, at least he knows he’s not the only one that’s accidentally almost severely injured a haunt actor anymore. 

Buck and Christopher are almost rolling on the ground in laughter when he’s finished the story. Athena and Bobby are asking if the guy had been okay, trying not to let it show how funny they found the story. Hen is just as bad as Buck, and Karen is trying to make sure her wife doesn’t choke on the water she’d been drinking. 

They’re a chaotic group, that’s what they must look like to those passing by, but Eddie wouldn’t change them for the world. 

When they stop near a food stand, Eddie could finally smell roasted peanuts, turkey legs, funnel cakes, the apple cider and the smells hit him straight in the heart. 

As if the fall food was calling for him, Eddie didn’t even think as he grabbed Buck’s hand and dragged him towards the line. He knows he should have probably let go of his hand when they were stopped in line or when he realized they were still holding hands, but it felt so natural and Buck hasn’t pulled away either. They’re just standing there, holding hands and talking about Christopher’s science project like this is the most normal thing in the world for them.

Yup, the fall definitely brought out the romantic side of him.

Buck pays for the Diaz boys. Eddie tries to sneak his card over before Buck can notice, but of course he catches him and pushes away the card. He asks why Buck won’t let him pay, he clips back with the fact that Eddie bought their tickets, and before they could go any further, the young girl taking their order clears her throat. 

“You guys are a really cute couple, seriously, but just let him pay. We’ve got a line.” 

Eddie blushes as red as a tomato, and he expects Buck to correct the girl but he guesses he’s too caught up in winning that he doesn’t really catch it. 

Then they’re walking away with their food like nothing ever happened and he really wants to say something but he’s rendered speechless when Buck greets his son with the funnel cake and asks if he wants to share with him. They’re both smiling from ear to ear and Eddie just can’t get over how much Buck loves his son and vice versa. 

So caught up in his feelings, he forgets that he’s not just there with Buck and Christopher. Their whole team, and their families, had been waiting on them to finish up, so they could head to the haunted house entrance. 

Romantic feelings be damned, it’s time to scare the shit out of his friends. 

Michael decided beforehand to stay back with Denny and Christopher, letting the others go in without a need to worry about their kids. He notices the look Michael gives Buck when he runs back to give Christopher one last hug, and he can’t deny the question in Michael’s eyes once they make eye contact. Eddie was in love and he couldn’t find it in himself to care in that moment. 

The one thing Eddie dreaded about haunted houses were the insane lines and he really underestimated LA lines. Standing for a certain amount of time can be hard for anyone, especially if you were crushed by a ladder truck and had six surgeries to fix the crushed leg. 

It’s not even him who notices Buck’s wincing at first. Bobby points it out.

“Your leg hurting ya, kid?”

“Not too much. Just the standing is getting to me, I guess, but it’s nothing new.” He grimaces when Eddie gives him a look. “My leg is healed up and I’m okay, it’s just sore, really.”

Eddie sighs. “If you need to take it slow in there, please let me know.”

Buck snorts. “The last thing I need to do is take it slow in that place.” 

“Evan Buckley, are you scared?”

“Psh, no, why would I be scared of an insane asylum where people are literally paid to make you piss yourself?”

May laughs from behind them. “Buck borrowed my laptop to Google videos of this so he could catch the ghosts off guard, not the other way around. One of the videos was actually a pop up scare and he screamed so loud he almost gave Bobby a heart attack, from outside.”

“Aw, Buuuuuuuck,” Eddie grins. “I’ll protect you!”

“Really, May?”

“Nothing wrong with being scared, Buckaroo!” Athena pats his shoulder and Eddie can’t help but smile at the blush on Buck’s face at all the attention.

“Guys, we’re next!” Karen grins from the front and the looks on May’s and Buck’s faces is enough to make Harry howl with laughter.

“Not so tough now, May?” 

“Shut up, Harry!”

Hen and Karen didn’t want to go first, Maddie and Chimney begged not to go first, and in response to who wanted to actually go first, Bobby and Athena actually pushed Eddie up to the front. “You know I don’t mind going first, right? You don’t have to push me.”

Buck actually pouts. “I thought you said you’d protect me!”

Like last time, Eddie doesn’t think as he grabs Buck’s hand. “Then let’s go!”

“I’m not going up front, are you crazy?” He protests, all the while still holding onto his hand and squeezing. 

“Would you rather be in then back where the ghosts and zombies can follow you? Because I’m not about to be in the back and neither are mom and Bobby.” May smirks. “Which means the back of the group would either be you or Maddie and Chimney.”

“Whatever.”

“Stop grumbling like Chris when he doesn’t wanna pick up his legos, and let’s go to the front!”

So Buck finally lets Eddie drag him to the front and because Buck wasn’t paying attention the actor greeting the group, when he looks up he jumps, causing everyone to laugh. “You know, you guys need to stop laughing. I’m not the only one that’s scared.”

“I’m not scared!” Harry shouts.

“Yeah, right!” Buck snorts.

“I’m not scared. You’re scared!”

“If you’re not scared then you go up front!” Buck argues. 

“No!”

“That’s what I thought.” 

“Alright, children, stop arguing and let the zombie talk.” Bobby grins.

The actor goes over the rules such as no linking arms, no smoking, no food or drink, do not touch the actors because they can’t touch you, and to enjoy. The actor makes fun of Buck a little, which oddly enough, he seemed to appreciate, and then they’re being sent in. Buck grabs for Eddie’s hand the second they’re in. 

“Of course there’s a fucking doll in the first room.” Buck hisses under his breath.

The grip on Eddie’s hand is bordering too tight but he doesn’t say anything because as soon as they’re passed the first room, it relaxes a little. Then a werewolf jumps out and scares the entire group, but Buck especially. Eddie is laughing but not just at Buck, it’s his reaction to jumpscares and Buck knows that so he doesn’t have to worry about sounding too mean.

Everything is just jumps and screams until it’s not. 

They’re about to exit one room when an actor who very much resembles the lady with the same initials as bowel movement jumps out and scares Buck so bad he stumbles, drops Eddie’s hand and falls back. The room is foggy so no one notices Buck or Eddie are missing until they’re in the next room, but Eddie knows how most haunted houses work and just tells them to keep going. When he reaches Buck, he’s grabbing onto his bad leg like there’s a cramp and now Eddie understands. 

He puts a hand on Buck’s shoulder to get his attention and realized how bad of an idea that was when Buck screams bloody murder and falls on his ass. Now, Eddie shouldn’t laugh. He really shouldn’t.

But he can’t stop.

“Asshole.” 

“Are--are y--you okay?” Eddie stutters out through his laughter, holding out his hand to help him up.

“You scared the shit out of me!” Buck yells. 

“I’m--I’m so--sorry!” He’s cackling at this point and he feels bad, he really does, but who ever claimed he was a good friend in these instances. 

The actor, now concerned if Buck was okay and with the timing of the group behind them, walks up with a smile. She’s broken character, speaking normally, and Eddie knows it’s to not spook Buck more. Which, cute. 

“Is your friend okay?” She smiles.

Eddie is finally calming down when he looks at her and looks back to Buck. “I’m sorry for laughing, Buck, are you okay? Can you walk?”

Buck is pouting again and Eddie hates when Buck is sad but he's just embarrassed so the pout is the cutest thing in the world to him. 

“You scaring me half to death took my mind off the cramp so yeah, asshole, I can walk.” 

He grabs Eddie’s hand and lets himself be pulled up. He notices the actor looking into the last room and looking back to them. “I’m sorry for holding up your room, ma’am.”

The actor grins. “It’s okay. I’m just glad your friend is okay.” She looks at Buck. “I’m sorry I scared you so bad I gave you a cramp.”

“You’re just doing your job and I landed on it wrong, anyway. Not your fault.” He turns to Eddie. “Can get the fuck out of here now? Where’s everyone else?”

Eddie grins mischievously. “They went along without us. It’s just you and me now, buddy. In a haunted house. The only way out is through.” He knows that’s not true, he knows there’s emergency exits for people who get too scared or injured and he planned on asking the actor just that, but c’mon, he had to mess with him just one more time.

“No, no, no, I’m staying here, then. At least she’s nice.” 

Eddie laughs. “I’m kidding, man.” He looks at the girl. “You guys have an emergency exit, right?”

She laughs. “Yeah, let me get someone to escort you guys so you don’t get lost. When you’re out there, I’d suggest icing your leg if it still hurts.”

He does just as she suggests. They’re sitting on a bench and Buck is icing his leg with one hand while the other hand is loosely hanging onto Eddie’s, staring at Eddie with a cheesy grin and Eddie is doing the same. 

No wonder that girl thought they were a couple.

“Hey, um,” Eddie clears his throat. “When the girl who was working at the food booth said we were a cute couple, you didn’t really correct her. Why?”

Buck’s ears go bright red and he freezes. “You- you didn’t correct her either.”

Eddie grins because he does have a point. He didn’t correct her.

“Plus, people have said it to me before. The Christmas elf that one year we took Chris to see Santa Claus, and people out on calls have asked me what it’s like to work with my boyfriend. What’s the point in correcting them and making them feel embarrassed, you know? Did it bother you? If it did, I’ll correct someone next time, promise-”

Eddie cuts off Buck’s rambling. “People say it to me, too, and I never correct them. Honestly Buck, if this many people have thought we were a couple, and neither of us have corrected any of them, it’s saying something, isn’t it?”

Buck bites his lip. “What’s it saying?” 

“That we’re pretty much a couple in all terms but official?” He laughs. “I wouldn’t mind making it official, but what do you think?”

Buck nervously grins and Eddie thinks it’s the prettiest thing in the world. 

“I think that I wouldn’t mind making it official, either.” 

Eddie can’t hold back the grin on his face anymore, he’s smiling from ear to ear, beaming. He goes to lean in for a kiss but stops himself when he catches sight of Harry and the rest of their crew walking up behind Buck. Harry has a sneaky grin on his face and puts a finger up to his mouth to tell Eddie to keep quiet.

When Harry finally reaches the two, he pounces onto Buck’s shoulders, and not for the first time tonight, Buck jumps.

“Alright, that’s it!” Buck jumps up and Harry bolts.

“Mom! Bobby! Help, please!” Harry screams as Buck chases him in a circle. 

Athena laughs. “We told you not to scare him.”

[kweebtrash]

Feels Right (M)

Messy Ch. 4

Pairing(s): OC X Johnny (features other members, Taeil in this chapter)

Genre: College AU, Fuckboy AU

Summary: Fuckboys are basically good for one thing. You hit it and quit it- except when his voice draws you in, his body keeps you there, and dumb ass feelings linger making things particularly messy.

Warnings: fetishism, racism, a little violence, mentions of blood

Features: library sex, public sex, hand jobs, oral (receiving), fingering, riding Johnny into the sunset, the smallest mention of daddy kinks

Word Count: around 15k

A/N: ‘they’ and ‘she’ are used interchangeably on purpose. ‘Johnathan’ is Johnny’s contact name in Eri’s phone when she doesn’t particularly care about him lol.

Messy Masterlist  Buy me a Ko-Fi  Other Stories

Eri’s POV

The warmth of his skin was radiating beneath me and I could smell his musk that bathed me in comfort. I kept my arm tight around his waist, burying my face deep into his neck. “Hmm...Johnny.” I mumbled, still half asleep. “You're so warm...don't leave.”

“I won't babes. I promise. You feel so good.”

I cuddled into him more and placed a small kiss on his neck. “You always feel good too…” I couldn't help the small yawn i let out.

“You amazing, princess. You make daddy feel so good.”

“Hmm.” I giggled. “Daddy. That sounds-”

Wait….what?

I sat up quickly, rubbing the sleep from my eyes. I blinked a few times and saw Lucas come into view instead of Johnny who I wished was still in my bed. “OH YOU FUCKING BASTARD!” I hit him hard with the pillow while he let out his high pitched hyena cackle. “What the hell are you doing?!”

“You actually said daddy! I can't believe it!!”

My face flamed with embarrassment. I swallowed hard. “Y-you-! Shut up Lucas! You're such an asshole!”

“Don't get mad at me because you're all goo goo-ga ga over Johnny. You're such a slut for him and it's gross.”

“Be quiet! I am not! I was just half asleep and I-”

“You were having big lovey dovey dreams about him!”

“Oh my god!” I hit him with the pillow over and over and pushed at his bulky body until he rolled off the mattress. “You're terrible!”

He curled up on the floor laughing even harder at my flustered frustration. “Quinn told me she ran into him running out of here last night. Did you confess your love to him?”

“He ran out? You're lying.” I said a little hurt. I mean, i get it. Staying over is hardly anyone's thing but if he ran out like a bat out of hell then what was the point of the night we just had? Maybe i was reading too much into it but it still stung.

“Nope, you can ask Quinn.” Lucas cocked his head to the side as his train of thought shifted. I could feel his eyes lock onto me until it made me squirm in my bed.

“What?” I asked, pulling my blanket up to cover my bare body.

“You're...all like….glowy.”

“I'm what? What the hell does glowy mean?”

“Like you're...i don't know. Like...naked and glowy and sparkly or whatever.”

I blinked slowly, confused at what he meant. Perhaps it was the way my open curtain made the afternoon glow of the sun cast rays across my bed. Was that what he meant? I tried tucking my hair behind my ear, suddenly shy at the situation, but it had dried into a mass of fluffy purple curls. I sighed and avoided looking at him. “Can you close my curtain. I hate the sun.”

He crawled his way back to the bed, outstretching his hands to pull me close to the edge. “No way, little vampire. You look too good.”

I rolled my eyes and let out another yawn. “It's just the sun, dumbass. What time is it anyway?”

“Around 2 i think.” He kissed my stomach and looked up at me trying to peel away the blanket. I swatted at his hand.

“Dude, I'm not gonna suck your dick every time you come over.” I groaned.

“I mean i wasn't gonna say anything but the offer is on the table. But actually i wanted to ask you something.”

“What?” i wiggled away from his grasp and went towards the window to draw the curtains closed, tossing the blanket aside.

“Do you have feelings for Johnny or what?”

I whipped around and glared at him. “What did you just say?”

“You know, he spent the night, you wanna call him daddy, you definitely wanted to cuddle him, and now you're all glowy. What's the deal, Eri? Are you gonna start writing like Mrs. Johnny Suh on your papers and shit?” He snorted.

“Lucas, you literally have 10 seconds to get out my room before i beat your little ass.” i growled.

“Ooh, make it hurt Mommy.”

I landed another smack, this time to the back of his head. “QUINN!!!! Come get your Lucas!”

“Ow!” He rubbed the back of his head and pushed me playfully. “You’re always so mean to me! I’m just trying to have fun with you.”

“Yeah, by being a pain in the ass. I don't have time for this. I have to go to work at 4.” I reached for my phone that laid beside my pillow. “Did my alarm go off or did you wake me before i needed to be up?”

“i'm not sure. I figured you'd like waking up with me instead. I'm sure you didn't cum hard enough with all that soft shit Johnny did.”

I looked at him with a puzzled expression. “How do you know about that?”

Lucas’ eyes went wide as his ears reddened. “Uh...um...i just figured that-i mean like you don't have like...nevermind. Anyway-” He worked to change the subject quickly. I wanted to pry some more information out of him. I doubted that Johnny would've admitted to the kind of sex we had last night. Not in front of his dude bros. He was too macho for that. “We should have time for a little something.” Lucas continued.

“‘Is that seriously all you think about when you’re with me? Don’t you like value my friendship at all?”

He placed a kiss on top of my forehead and rubbed my shoulders. “Of course i do. It’s just fun doing stuff with you is all. I haven’t seen you in a while since we’ve both been busy. And now that you’re all lovey dovey with Johnny you’re gonna forget all about me!” He gave me a big puppy pout which made me roll my eyes.

“Stop saying i’m lovey dovey whatever for Johnny. I’m not. And I won’t forget about you Lucas. How can I when you’re up my ass all the time?” I sighed and stood on my tiptoes to press a kiss to his cheek. “You’re still one of my best friends, ok? I’m not going anywhere.”

He gave me a cheesy smile and i assumed my sentiment put his heart at ease. No matter how annoying he was i really did care for him. I laid my head on his chest as he wrapped his arms around me, and while it wasn't exactly the person i wanted i still felt comforted enough to never want him to stop. Quinn came in then, hands on their hips and a disapproving look on their face.

“Lucas, why are you bothering Eri? Eri, put some clothes on.” They said.

“He came barging in here and woke me up! I was asleep naked. I haven't had a chance too!” I protested before a soft vibration caught my attention. I looked down at my phone and saw a new text message.

Johnathan: Told you I don’t sleep over

I pouted at his jerk like attitude. He was so obnoxious. I tried to think of how to respond. I wanted him to regret running out of my room and leaving me to wake up (mostly) alone. I decided to send him a picture, testing exactly how “glowy” I looked. I opened my camera and angled it so the sun hit just right. I was looking pretty banging even with messy hair and not getting enough sleep. My eyes even looked a bit lighter than normal which never happened. They never casted that gorgeous honey glow like Johnny’s did. I almost let out a dreamy sigh just thinking about his eyes but i shook those thoughts out of my head almost as fast as they appeared. I snapped the picture instead and sent it off to him.

Too bad. You could have had some bomb ass morning sex.

I made a quick change to his contact name before looking out the window. A part of me was trying to cover up the fact that I had been so engrossed in my phone before Quinn and Lucas started to pry, the other part was trying to figure out what the weather was like just by looking outside. Though it was nearing October the weather was still mostly warm with only spikes of cooler winds every once in awhile. I really didn’t feel like lugging a sweater to work- hell i didn’t even feel like lugging myself to work. I checked the time on my phone and it was later than what Lucas had predicted. I needed them out of my room so I could start getting ready,

“Ok you two, i need to take a shower so I can get ready for my suffering. Get out.” I shooed away Quinn and Lucas who were probably two seconds away from jumping each others bones anyway.

“Eri you owe us still.” Lucas called out from my door way. Quinn was already tugging on his hand.

“Yeah, yeah. Threesome I know. Raincheck again. I have to get going.”

He finally left my room and i shut the door, trying to get some peace and quiet for just a second. What the hell happened last night? I didn’t remember too much as I was falling in and out of rem sleep. I could’ve sworn I felt Johnny still inside me and we had been holding hands for awhile too. Just the thought alone made my cheeks burn. And the way we fucked yesterday was...something else. I could barely think straight. All i did was focus on the pleasure and held him so tight. I didn’t want to let him go. Lucas was right though I didn’t want to admit it. I was getting to be too lovey dovey with Johnny. Even the thought of it was starting to send me into a panic. This wasn’t supposed to happen. Like, hi, hello, self, get it the fuck together. Love was something to be avoided at all cost. Maybe I was just in love with his dick. That thing could make anyone go crazy. I was so deep in thought that the sensation of my phone vibrating made me jump. It was another text message from Johnny.

Johnny💕: Blame my job babe. If i could quit and fuck you all day, shit i would.

Ew gross. Why did he do this every time? Just talk like a normal person you idiot. I shouldn’t expect that much from him and to be honest the fact that he was still thinking about me (even if it was just my body) was making my heart skip a beat or two. No. Stop. Ignore that. Ignore him.  I tossed my phone onto my bed and grabbed my towel before heading to the bathroom. I had to focus on better things like work, or my study session with Taeil tomorrow. If anything i was sure he could get my mind off of Johnny for good.

--

I crossed my legs underneath the wooden table, adjusting my skirt that rode up my thighs. I bit down on my pen cap staring at a mess of circulatory routes and charts that just wasn’t sinking into my brain. I hated that I had to take a science as a required credit. I was a journalist and musician. Art kids didn’t do science or math. What’s worse was that I had to get this down soon as I already had a test coming up. My eyes were starting to blur and I wanted to throw my rented textbook across the library.

“Eri?” I jumped up as I felt Taeil’s hand on my thigh. “Are you okay?”

I blinked quickly and looked up at him. I had forgotten he was there just for a fraction of a second as my stress induced panic made me overthink about failing my class entirely. “S-sorry, i just…” I threw my hands up in frustration. “ Why can't i learn about dicks! Like i know the anatomy of that!”

“Well...i mean um...technically you have to trace the flood flow to it so…” He covered his face as he laughed nervously. “How about we concentrate on getting just one chart down for today, hm?”

I watched his thumb brush over my bare knee. That little movement was enough of a signal to let me know that maybe he wasn't as focused on this lesson either. I sighed, pouting a bit. “My brain hurts. Like literally hurts. Can't we take a break?”

“A break? It's only been twenty minutes!” He smiled at me as he propped his chin on his hand, the other still glued to my skin.

“Yeah, twenty minutes too long! Please? A little break Taeil? Pleeeasssee? If we don't i'm gonna go cross eyed.”

“Fine, fine. We can take a break. But you have to promise me that you'll try your best when we start back up again, ok?”

I nodded eagerly and set my head on the table, wanting to silently cry to myself. There was a silence between us (save for my whines of desperation) that settled into a bit of tension. Taeil's warm hand shifted from my knee to the small of my back, caressing up and down the length of my spine. I assumed he meant it as an act of comfort but my body reciprocated it as a flirtatious invitation. I felt static slide down my limbs and I shifted a bit in my seat. The heat from his hand was spreading through me like fire and I was starting to crave his caresses a little too much. I swallowed thickly and had an idea to shift his attention to something that was weighing on my mind.

“Um...Taeil?” I whispered into the silence of the library.

“Hmm?” He hummed softly. I lifted my head from the desk and peered up at him. His deep brown eyes had a dreamlike gleam within them as they watched me. I sat up a little bit straighter  as I felt his fingers glide against the small band of skin that has become exposed from the hem of my shirt sliding up. They slipped under the fabric and traced gentle patterns against me. I resisted the urge as much as I could to not be too obvious with my attraction and want for his fingers.

“Do you...ever think about the party? You know when we met?” I managed to finally spit out.

“Oh...well, I mean, sometimes.” He said, pulling his gaze downward and finally removing his hand from me. “Mostly i think about how I wish Johnny wasn’t an annoying prick who ruined everything.” He let out a soft sigh and turned himself inwards towards the table, picking up his pen and twirling it in his fingers. He seemed to want to fidget more than talk about the jackass who had managed to get me into his bed. If it hadn’t been for him, I might have been fucking Taeil more often and not worrying about Johnny taking large gaps of time in between his text responses.

“God, me too. He really is annoying and kind of stupid. And cranky. I think weed does the opposite for him; like instead of making him chill it just makes him worse.”

I saw a small smile peek out from the corner of Taeil’s lips. “You know it’s a real turn on hearing you complain about him.” he joked.

My eyes widened in surprise and the both of us burst into laughter. I guess we were both on the same page about that giant asshole. “Well I could complain about him all day but...i do kind of regret not talking to you more. Like since the party I haven’t really had a chance to hang with you, beside in this dumpy library.”

“Aww, c’mon. It’s not dumpy. I love this place.” He paused for a second. “Wow, I sound like a complete nerd.”

I shifted my body towards him, leaning in ever so slightly and crossing my legs again so they they brushed against his. “It’s okay. Nerds are cute. Really cute.”

“You think so? I guess I should keep that in mind.” He trapped his bottom lip between his teeth as he flicked his pen against the wooden table top. Played out like this, it kind of felt like a cheesy porno but he was definitely hot and I had been curious about his lingual skills ever since Quinn told me they hooked up with him. I could see his cheeks turning as bright as his hair, especially when my fingers crept closer to his. “Do you remember when I said that there was something that you should know about me back at the party?”

To be honest I kind of didn’t, some parts of that night were still a bit of a blur. It might’ve been when we were about to kiss- before Johnny ruined everything. “Uh, yeah. Why?” I half fibbed.

“Well...I mean, we’re here and I-i’m pretty sure I’m reading the signals right-” He started.

“What signals?” I teased as I moved my fingers even closer until they linked with his.

“You know...you. Me. The party. Here now. Do you want to uh…”

“Fuck?”

Taeil swallowed hard and hid his face away from me completely. “Ah...well...that’s what I need to talk to you about. I’ve never...I mean, i would want to...with you but…” He stuttered through his sentence nervously.

Wait a goddamn minute. Was he saying that he was a virgin? But he and Quinn-? Quinn wouldn’t lie about hooking up with anyone. They loved to talk about all their hookups. We had also been friends for years and I knew them better than anyone so this had to mean that Taeil was lying. He was using the virgin thing as some sort of weird pickup line-a way to get girls in his bed. Great, I couldn’t even find one good guy on this god forsaken campus. “Taeil, are you saying that you’re a virgin?”

He rubbed the back of his head and gave me the cute shy smile that I now wanted to slap off his face. “Y-yeah...I’m sorry. I didn’t want to disappoint-”

“Oh Taeil, i’m not disappointed that you’re a virgin. I’m disappointed that you thought that wack ass lie would work on me.”

His face only held an expression of shock. I glared at him, daring him to lie further. “Wait...what?”

“Quinn’s my roommate. Did you really think they wouldn’t tell me who they hooked up with? Do you actually get laid pretending to be so innocent?”

Taeil sat back in his seat, resting his arm on the backrest and spreading his legs. He looked so smug now, a complete opposite to his pure act he upheld just moments ago. “Yeah, i do. But I guess I slipped up. Quinn’s kinda...ya know, a little ditzy. She believed it so quick, I thought i’d might have the same luck with you. I mean, if I would have told you at the party I’m sure i would’ve taken you home before you even jumped in the pool.”

I scoffed and crossed my arms over my chest. “You know, I thought you would be one of the good ones. At least one that was less of a prick but you’re just as dumb and horny as the rest of them. You got caught in your own lie asshole.”

“You can’t blame a guy for trying. It’s more fun this way, like a little roleplay, you know? A quiet library, an eager student, a good tutor. It’s classic.”

“Ugh, i should’ve never come here. You’re lucky I actually need your help. Do you even know anything about anatomy?”

“Oh tons.” Taeil chuckled as he licked his lips. I hit his shoulder hard.

“Don’t you even fuckin’ dare, Taeil. You know what i mean!”

“Okay, okay! Yes i know anatomy and i can actually help you pass. Turns out sex is a great motivator for students. You study, i reward you, how about that?”

“You're literally so gross.” I rolled my eyes and turned my attention back to my notes. Now i wanted to finish this damn study session and get out of here as fast as possible.

“Eri,” I felt his warm breath on the shell of my ear suddenly and my entire body froze. Little sparks of electricity zipped under my skin and i couldn't help the reaction. “Just try my method once. If you don't pass you can blame me. But if you do pass then you can keep coming back to our little study sessions. Don't you want to come?”

I grit my teeth, annoyed at his double entendre and even more annoyed that he was right. I wanted to cum and i seriously needed to pass or else i'd be forced to retake the class. Suffering through almost 4 months once was enough, i couldn't risk having to possibly do it again. I kicked myself for falling into his liar's trap. “Fine. But i'm holding you to it. If i don't pass i'm gonna find every girl you've ever hooked up with and tell them that you're a filthy liar. I'll expose you and destroy this little set up you've got going on.”

“So blackmail's your speed? What's to say those girls will believe you?” His hand gripped the inside of my thigh tight as his body remained close to mine. I couldn't tell if the heat radiating from him was anger or pure lust, maybe a mix of both, but i tried to pretend it didn't affect me.

“Oh honey, there's nothing we love more than good gossip. A rumor goes a long way.” I turned to face him, our lips barely centimeters apart now. My eyes flickered up to meet his. They were dark and full of emotions that i tried to decipher to no avail. My breath caught in my throat. Sometimes the quiet shy ones (even those that pretended to be that way) were the most dangerous. I swallowed hard as i felt his words press against my mouth.

“I won't let you fail, Eri. Scout's honor. But say one thing about my little lie and i'll be sure you do fail. Two can play that game, you know.”

Asshole. I nodded anyway, agreeing reluctantly.

“Good, glad we’re on the same page. Now if you can stopped being hooked on Johnny for a second we can focus.”

“I am not hooked on him. It was a lapse in my better judgement. Trust me, that’s over with.”

“Aww, now who’s the liar here?”

I didn’t have time to protest as his lips pressed against mine, taking my breath away. I gave into the languid clash of our lips almost instantly. He didn’t rush or shove his tongue in right away. No, with Taeil it was like he wanted to explore every inch of my lips before coaxing anything else from me. His teeth nipped ever so gently at my bottom lip before sucking on the tender skin. I leaned into him more, craving his tongue and any roughness he could give me. I didn’t even bother to think about the sparse amount of students hanging around that could possibly be watching. His hand on my thigh inched its way higher until the tips of his fingers brushed against the center of my panties. A little gasp slipped from me and made him chuckle.

“You’re so sensitive already? I haven’t done anything yet.”

“Quiet. You just surprised me that’s all.”

“So you don’t want me to finger you under this table?” He asked.

“I didn’t say all that now. I just...happened to be more curious about your tongue. Jerk.”

“My tongue?” He licked my lips slowly. “What about my tongue?”

I shoved at him and turned away, getting annoyed by his antics. “Is there any semblance of human decency in you or all you just all fuckboy?”

“Depends on what you classify as decency. I could be an asshole and not eat you out at all.”

“Please eat me out.” I blurted. I hadn't had it for so long that just the mere thought of it was enough to make me beg. Taeil looked around before nodding towards the bookshelves.

“Follow me.” We both stood up, leaving our notes and textbooks behind. We weaved our way to the far back row of shelves where the lights were dim and the books musty and old. I was pressed against the hard wood while Taeil sunk to his knees as if he was ready to worship my body. He shuffled my skirt up towards my waist, placing a few sparse kisses to the center of my panties before flexing his fingers underneath the waistband. The cool air from the vent above us made my newly exposed skin blossom with goosebumps as he pulled them down. Little by little my thighs were blessed with soft presses of his lips while his hands explored the expanse of my ass. He gently dug his fingertips into my cheeks before pulling my hips forward. I could feel the steady puffs of breaths against my clit and i was almost squirming at the normal act. He wasn’t even trying yet and I was already putty in his hands. If Johnny wasn’t such a dick and would go down on me then I wouldn’t feel like such a needy slut for this lying bastard.

I cast my eyes downward, my breath stilling in my lungs as I saw Taeil’s eager eyes meet mine. His tongue slipped past his lips to connect with my impatient clit. He licked a small strip against the length of it before swirling just the tip of his tongue over the most sensitive part. My hand gripped one of the shelves to steady myself while the other covered my mouth. My toes were curling within my shoes and i tried to relax as much as possible and not lose my cool. I wanted this sweet sensation to last hours especially with how his miniscule licks were turning into more confident sucks. My hips were beginning to roll against his face but he stopped that quickly, placing his thumbs firmly into the dips of my hips. A dangerous flame ignited in the pit of my stomach as i almost doubled over. His eyebrow quirked and he pulled away.

“Sounds like you really like when I touch you here.”

I squeezed my eyes shut and nodded quickly. “Please…”

His lips upturned into a smirk until they disappeared between mine again, this time hungrier and more sinful than before. His tongue covered the entirety of my slit, grinding up and down, alternating between sucks and small kisses. Every few seconds he would dig into my entrance, his tongue edging against the beginning of my walls. His thumb would circle my clit then, never failing to pleasure my bundle of nerves. My calves were starting to quiver now and I could feel an orgasm approaching already. What the hell? I had never really cum this fast before.

“Ta-Taeil! U-um…” I bit into my bottom lip as i lifted myself onto my tiptoes, pressing my hips harder against him. He pulled away just for a fraction of a second, his index finger against his glistening lips.

“Ssh, we’re in a library remember.” He gave me a wink before sending me over the edge and into a pleasure filled void that i had missed so much. My grip on the shelf was becoming so tight I thought i would surely send the row of books crashing to the floor. I could even feel the edges digging into my palm creating brutal indentations. I exhaled slowly and slumped against the shelves.

Taeil rose to his feet and wrapped his arms around my waist, pulling me flush against him. His lips overwhelmed mine as my head was spinning. I could still taste myself on his tongue as we battle for comman over the sensuous dance. He was making me fall in lust with him way too fast. I wrapped my leg around his waist wanting even more from my little tutor. My hands found their way to his chest, gripping his t shirt tightly as i nipped at his bottom lip. “I should’ve hooked up with you earlier.” He whispered with a soft chuckle.

“That’s for damn sure. Don’t you dare stop now. For the love of God, dont.”

He angled my head to the side to capture my neck in rugged bites and restless sucks. His hand steadied my raised leg on his waist while his foot nudged mine, allowing him more access for his fingers to slip between my folds. He didn’t waste any time adding two fingers inside me, easing quick thrusts and riding the length of my walls. My brows furrowed as I focused on the effortless pleasure that was building up with each stroke. “Tell me how good i’m making you feel, Eri.” He whispered against the wet marks he left behind on my jugular.

A tingle went down my spine at the provocativeness of his words. I never expected him to desire any sort of praise or dirty talk, especially from me. It was one of my worst weaknesses. I was always too shy and embarrassed to say anything directly sexual (other than the few begs here and there). Now I was faced with Taeil wanting me to praise him while his fingers pumped faster inside me, occasionally splitting apart to stretch me open. My nails sunk into his chest even more while my lips struggled to even form any sort of sentences, appraisals or not. “Do it and I’ll go down on you again.”

Oh jesus, please. Yes, do that. I barely let my voice go over a whisper but I gave into his request. “P-Please, Taeil. It feels really good.”

He pulled his fingers from inside me, leaving me gaping and whining for the warmth to return. They instead disappeared inside his mouth, coating his tongue in my cum and a moan of his own. A slick pop revealed how he clean off every drip. “Damn.”

I covered his mouth quickly. “Don’t you dare say that I taste good. Please.”

He jerked his head away from my hand and laughed. “Cum just tastes like cum. I just like how wet you are is all. But i guess you earned my tongue again.”

He shifted the leg around his waist to rest on his shoulder as he sunk down to the ground again.. His sucks came faster, dragging those sinful fingers through me once again. I met each of his pistons with driving force, panting with eagerness and desperation. His tongue painted shapes i never knew imaginable against my heat. My eyes fell closed and my hand fisted his firey locks, keeping him flush against me. My grinds swirls against his nose, his lips, his chin, and that perfect, perfect tongue. The edge of his middle finger grazed against the threshold of my spot sending another spark throughout my lower half. A strangled breath left my lungs, followed my an embarrassing squeak as i could barely form thoughts. My brain was dipping in and out of common sense as my second orgasm hit me in another sudden rush i wasn’t expecting. My fingers slowly untangled themselves from his hair as he pulled away. His chest heaved as he wiped his face, rising to his feet once again. “Turn around. Now.”

I bit my lip at his command, executing it while the clang of his belt opening rang in my ears. He unzipped his jean and the familiar tear of foil followed. Of course he had planned this all out. I almost rolled my eyes even though I was thankful for it. He gripped my hips tightly, lifting me onto my toes as his cock pressed into my entrance slowly. The stretch wasn’t a tight or deep as Johnny or even Lucas but i was still restless to feel him fuck me hard against these shelves. He dragged my hips back to meet his creating a symphony of skin slapping against skin. I hoped that it wasn’t echoing too loudly in the quiet space. Joined with Taeil’s intermittent pants and the soft claps of the bookshelf against the wall, i was sure someone might bust us any second. I tried to keep quiet but Taeil was making it difficult. His hand had left my hip and shoved its way beneath my sweater, roughly filling his palm with my breast. He squeezed and plucked away at my nipple daring to bring more moans out of me.

I was already sensitive, my clit swollen with pleasure and heat, I could barely take any more of his teases to my chest or his quick and simple thrusts. I clenched around him tight, sucking him as deep as he could go inside me. Taeil pressed his lips into my shoulder hard sinking a moan into my heated skin. His thrusts stuttered as i felt his legs falter. His cum rushed into me as he braced himself against the bookshelf. It hit the wall harder this time, making me snap my head up to see if anyone noticed. I could’ve sworn i heard footsteps tap against the tiled floor too.

“Shit...Taeil. Is someone coming?”

“Yeah, i just did?”

“No, you idiot. Don’t you hear footsteps?” I whispered harshly.

He stilled himself, concentrating on following the sounds. He pulled out of me quickly, snapping the rubber off him and working to zip up his jeans. I wiggled my skirt down and wiped the sweat off my face, hoping that it wasn’t blatantly obvious that we just fucked. The footsteps were nearing closer and i plucked a random book from the shelf, pretending to read while Taeil pretended to search for something.

“Are ya’ll done- Eri?” I looked up to see Taeyong rounding the corner.

“Oh fuck, it’s just you.” Taeil said. “What do you want?”

“Duh, dumbass. You said you’d give me a ride home after your last lesson and to meet you here. I know your usual spot. I didn’t know your “lesson” was with Eri though.”

I cleared my throat. “I needed help with anatomy.”

Taeyong rolled his eyes. “I’m sure you do. Anyway, can we go now? I’m beat.”

Taeil sighed. “Just give me a few minutes. I’ll meet you in the parking lot ok?”

“It’s fine.” I interjected. “I think i’m ready to leave. I’ll see you later, Taeil.” I walked passed Taeyong without barely a word and headed back to the desk to gather my things. I was putting away my textbook when my phone buzzed against the table.

Johnny💕: you busy 2mrw night?

Interesting. He didn’t start it with his usual “wyd?”.

Why?

I pulled my backpack onto my shoulder and got my keys, heading to the elevator. Funny how he hadn’t texted me since our hookup yesterday but was all about a booty call now. For a moment I hesitated. I had been left on the edge of an interrupted orgasm thanks to T.Y. I could probably finish up with Johnny but also- ugh- that was too much work. I pressed the button to the elevator, hearing Taeil and T.Y. bickering in the distance. The doors opened and I stepped through, looking down at my phone again.

Johnny💕: party. On the beach by the amusement park. Wanna go?

Did parties count as dates? Or did it mean that he just wanted me to go for the hell of it? I wondered if he had invited anyone else.

Who’s going?

I saw the ellipse of his response wriggling on the screen and I waited. I didn’t like the way my notification vibration made my heart jump every time he responded.

Johnny💕: some people I know. Not like in our circle. Its gonna be chill. Come with.

Why should i?

I stepped out of the elevator and headed out of the library towards the parking lot. My car wasn’t too far and i got to it quickly, stepping in and starting up the engine. I checked my phone again just as his name popped up.

Johnny💕: wanna see u.

I dropped my phone as i panicked and when i reached to pick it up from between my feet i hit my head on the steering wheel, making the horn go off and startling me even more. FUCK! I rubbed the sore spot on my forehead and looked at the message once more. His message was still there, clear as day. It wasn’t an illusion. He wanted to see me, to actually hang out with me. I never thought I would ever get that from him. Maybe it was just a joke. I let out a loud whine and threw myself back in my seat. I hated him so much. Why did he have to draw me back in every time? I wanted to lie to myself so bad and say that those three little words didn’t mean anything to me. But the truth was that I wanted to see him too.

--

“What kind of party is this?” I asked as I stepped out of Johnny’s car. We had driven to the beach adjacent to the local amusement park that was almost an hour away. It better be a worthwhile party since I had to endure a car ride of hesitant silence between us that was only filled with shitty trap music and remixes. Occasionally we would cast glances at each other- I would notice the veins in his arm as he drove one handed and leaned back in his seat, how his fingers drummed against his thigh or the steering wheel, and the way his skinny jeans cupped his bulge in all the right ways. Every once in awhile he would switch the hand he was driving with, letting the other drift to the center console between us. His pinky or middle finger would brush against my bare thigh and that’s when our eyes would meet. He would always adjust himself and sit up straighter after that. I had no idea what the fuck was going on in his head and I wasn’t sure that I wanted to find out.

When I stepped out of the car though I could smell the salty bitterness of ocean air coupled with the smokiness of a fire. I had never been to a beach party before. I assumed it would be a bit nicer then one held in some trashed house or tiny apartment. I however didn’t think my outfit through enough. A halter top and mini skirt was not enough to keep me warm from the ocean breeze and beginnings of fall. I hugged myself, rubbing my hands up and down my shoulders to try and get some heat in me. I was ready to go near that fire asap. I looked back at Johnny who had finished locking up his beat up hyundai. I didn’t dare move without him; i was way too afraid to enter some party full of people I didn’t know.

“What’s wrong?” he asked.

“I was waiting for you. They’re your friends, not mine.” I shifted my weight, bouncing a little.

“Why the hell are you fidgeting?”

“I’m cold, ok? Can we get to the fire please?”

“No one told you to wear barely anything.” He grabbed my arm and guided me towards the steps of the boardwalk.

“Oh, shut it! You like when I wear barely anything. Besides you said it was on the beach but it’s colder than i thought!” i tried wiggling out of his grasp but he kept me close to him. I pouted as we both descended down the wooden stairs, reaching the student infested sands. Johnny kept forward already greeting people he knew but I stayed frozen in place. This party was my absolute worst nightmare. Preppy, privileged bastards in khaki shorts and pastel polos and god awful ugly sandals that just screamed “hey my mom scammed the school system to get me into this college for free.” Those hoity toity bastards were coupled with plenty of chicks who looked like their favorite thing to do was cry over not getting a name brand purse from their sugar daddies. In the sea of eurocentric features Johnny and I stuck out like two sore thumbs, yet here he was laughing it up with them. I didn't want to be here at all.

I stayed in the corner, almost beneath the boardwalk entirely, wanting to cast the shadows around me and disappear. Johnny was some social butterfly that seemed to make everyone laugh as soon as he arrived. He was already getting passed a blunt and popping caps off of beer bottles. I doubted he even noticed I wasn't beside him. But i sure as hell noticed, and recognized, the blonde that bounced up to him with vigor. It was the one who he was with the night I was with Ten, the one who he didn't crop out of his snap all the way, the one who's nails were still sparkly and bubblegum pink as ever like ten flashing neon signs. She was already draping herself over him, those stupid pink nails coming to cup his face to try and pull him in for a kiss.

I turned away then, feeling sick to my stomach. I didn't want to watch whatever he decided to do with her. I was stuck here since i was stupid enough to let him drive. I couldn't even go to the car and lay down in solitude. I wondered if Quinn could somehow convince Jaehyun to come get me but he would probably just want to drink and smoke once he got here too. I sighed and fiddled with the thin straps of my halter top, adjusting the fit over my chest. I also wondered how long Johnny wanted to stay. It was already nearing midnight and I wasn’t in the mood to be here until 5 or 6 am. I pulled out my phone and scrolled through some social media, passing a chunk of time by. Eventually, out of the corner of my eye i could see a group of those khaki wearing bastards getting closer to me, trying to be inconspicuous about it and failing miserably.

I couldn't hear what they were saying but they were laughing loud enough to keep me on edge. I glanced over at the rest of the party goers, trying to gauge where Johnny was at. I couldn't see his deep navy beanie everywhere. A little part of me was starting to panic. Surely, he didn't just ditch me to go hook up with fucking malibu barbie. I was half tempted to text him when my view was suddenly blocked by a flash of pink. I looked up to see a chiseled chin and perfectly swooped blonde hair. His deep blue eyes seemed predatory and i hated the way he had closed the distance between us so quickly.

“Can i help you?” I asked. I took a step back, showing that I wanted nothing to do with him.

“What's your name, sweetheart?” He gripped onto the edge of the boardwalk above me making me feel like a trapped rat in a cage.

I shifted uncomfortably but held my head up, feigning my confidence. “None of your business. Can you back the fuck up?”

He didn't budge one bit. “You know, you're pretty cute for a mixed chick, kinda dark but-” he licked his lips and looked me up and down. “We can work around that.”

I clenched my jaw almost as tightly as i did my fist. Did he really just say that? Right to my face? “Back. The fuck. Up.” I growled.

“That attitude is cute, sweetheart, but lose it for a minute. My friends and I just wanted to know if you wanted to have some fun tonight. We're all kind of craving something sweet.”

“Fuck you.” I shoved him back with all my might as my breath reach a high level of panic. I craved to remove myself from this situation entirely, but he was bigger and stockier than me. I wedged myself between him and a supporting beam of the boardwalk, get a few small inches away from him. His calloused hand gripped my shoulder and pulled me back against him. A chunk of hair had managed to get trapped under his assault, yanking my head back with the force. I let out a yelp and struggled against him. “Let go of me!”

“Struggling only adds to the fun.” He smirked down at me and gave my hair another tug. I could feel tears prickling at my eyes. I hated feeling scared and i hated how he thought he could get away with this. I clawed at his hand, almost having to rip it free from my curls and pounded my small fist against his barrel chest.

“Fuckin’ asshole!” I screamed, loud enough that it seemed to draw the attention of the other party goers. I stepped back quickly, managing to free myself more so than last time. I sprinted down the beach as tears began falling down my cheeks. I was too helpless and angry to stop them. I wanted to get away from this place entirely but I still had no way out without Johnny.

“Eri!” I heard the familiar voice call out to me.

I ignored it and kept treading through the sand, working through the way it weighed down my sandals. I heard my name again, this time significantly closer.

“Eri! Wait up!”

I sniffled and whipped around, seeing Johnny barreling up to me. “I want to fuckin’ leave, John. Right now.”

He looked taken aback. “What happened? Are you crying?”

“I don't want to talk about it. Take me home.”

He set his arms on my shoulders, making me face him. “I leave you only for like an hour and something goes down. What the fuck?”

“What the fuck? What the fuck is right? Why'd you bring me to this stupid party? Was this some kind of joke?!” I pushed him hard and he barely took a step back.

He ignored my anger and instead grabbed my face in his hands.” Just tell me what happened already?”

I slapped his hands away, not wanting to feel anyone's touch against me. “That guy is a fucking pig. He wanted to pass me around to his little privileged bastard friends like i was some piece of “chocolate” or whatever else his fetishist ass wanted to do. Probably drug me and force me into a gangbang because apparently “struggling is part of the fun!”

“He said that to you?” Johnny asked, firmly.

“No, i just like lying about being harassed and fetishized. It really gets me off. Almost as much as him assaulting me and pulling my hair.” I rolled my eyes and threw up my hands in frustration. “You know what, you don't have to believe me. You guys are all the fucking same anyway.”

He stood quiet for a moment, nodding a bit. “Bet.”

I opened my mouth but i couldn't even put forth an argument before Johnny split from me. Sand kicked up from his shoes as he bounded in quick strides back towards the bonfire area. What the hell was he doing?! I watched in horror as his shoulder connected with my harasser's stomach, tackling him to the ground. Johnny raised his fist into the air and with a hard snap it rebounded off the other man's jaw. His head reeled back and i was sure blood i saw splatter onto the sand. I was frozen, completely stunned. My heart thundered in my ears as i saw the other rich frat boys circling behind Johnny like hawks.

“You're fucked, man! Don't ever say that shit to her again!”

I was already on edge and i didn't want anything to take a turn for the worse, well worse that it already was. I made a beeline for Johnny, pulling him off the other guy with all my might. “You're insane!” I screamed at him.

“What the fuck is your problem?!” The blond prick said, spitting out a wad of blood.

“If you ever, ever, put your hands on her again, Matt, I'll make you fucking regret it.”

The vengeance in his eyes was almost as scary as the bodies closing in on us. I tugged on Johnny's arm, trying to urge him to move. “Come on! I don't have time to scrape your guts off the boardwalk!” He stayed firm as if he was ready to take on the entire world for me. It took another hard pull to finally get him to start moving. “Let's go!” i shouted as i booked it faster than i had done for the entire night. At this pace i was seconds away from becoming a damn olympic athlete. My lungs were burning and i was struggling to keep up with Johnny's longer strides. He grabbed my hand and dragged me along. I made the mistake of looking back and i could see the five assholes already quick on our tails.

We managed to run up the stairs on the opposite end of the boardwalk, sprinting along the border of the amusement park. If we could hang a left we'd be able to head back to the parking lot and get to Johnny's car. “Johnny!” I panted. “Parking lot!” He didn't seem to hear me as he too was now looking back to see how close they were. Instead of heading to the parking lot he yanked me towards the right, shoving us both behind a maintenance building. I panted heavily and whispered. “What the fuck?! Why didn’t you go left?!!”

“I panicked, ok?!”

“I literally told you to go left! Ugh, if you hadn’t decked him in the face you wouldn’t be in danger of being jumped!”

He pressed himself flush against me, pinning me to the wall as we heard footsteps trudging closer. “Fuck!” It was too much of a close call and he took control again, pulling us to the gates of the park until we were about to hit a dead end. “Climb up the gate!”

“Excuse me?! That thing is like 10 feet high! How the hell am i-” Johnny swiftly grabbed my hips and hoisted me up. I scrambled to grab a hold of the top of the gate and pull myself up. I managed to wiggle my legs to the other side, dangling as i felt my arms burn. Fear settled into the pit of my stomach as i didn’t want to drop down and break my damn ankle or something. Johnny jumped up much easier than i would have and hauled himself over in seconds. Pfft, show off.

He wrapped his arms around my waist and pulled me down. Past the gates, the park was swallowed in darkness as it was beyond closing time. The shadows provided us better cover as we stumbled through. My arms were hurting from all the pulling and yanking. My legs were as heavy as lead and my lungs felt like they were about to explode. A gross metallic taste was coating my tongue as if I was going to puke blood any minute. The band of idiots seemed to have lost our whereabouts, giving us a moment of peace for now. While I was recuperating I realized that the police might actually be called and we could get hit with a charge of trespassing and assault. Panic started to set in quick and I shifted around uncomfortably.

“We have to leave. I don’t want to get caught!” I still whispered, afraid that anyone could hear me although we were all alone.

“We won't get caught. Just...give me a second.” He was bent over, gripping his knees as he took longer to catch his breath.

“Cigarettes and weed catching up to you?” I wheezed a bit.

He gave me the finger. “Fuck off.”

“You’re a complete idiot, Johnny. What the hell are we going to do now? The parking lot is all the way on the other side. How are we going to get passed them again?”

He straightened up and wiped the back of his mouth as he headed towards the bumper cars we had ended up by. He plopped down in one of the cars, laying his arms across the back and sighing. “We'll just give it some time. They’ll calm down and then we can leave. Either that or they’ll get too piss drunk to even realize what happened. Relax.”

“What do you mean relax? How do you expect me to relax when so many things just went wrong?!”

“Can you literally just shut up? For two seconds? You’re stressing me out now and I don’t need that shit.” He pulled his half crushed carton of cigarettes out from his pocket and I saw the flame of his lighter ignite.

Him stressed? I should deck him in the mouth just for saying that. I grumbled as I trudged over to the bumper car and climbed in, giving his knee a slap. “Quit man spreading and let me sit down.”

He closed his legs and i managed to wiggle in the minimal space beside him. A quietness slipped between us, only his soft exhales of smoke and the sea breeze whistling through the trees could be heard. He extended the cigarette over to me, which I almost denied. “I didn’t pop the ball so it won’t be as bad.”

He had actually remembered that I hated the taste of menthols. “Still gross.” I took it anyway and inhaled deeply hoping it would calm the incessant nervousness that had taken over me. I kept looking over my shoulder just waiting for us to be busted any second. Minutes passed and I hadn't heard any sirens. The tenseness in my muscles ceased and I was able to ease back into the hard plastic seat. Johnny’s fingers drummed by my shoulders as I passed the cigarette back to him. I shifted a bit as he started unconsciously spreading his legs again, his knees practically touching the steering wheel. I leaned my head towards his chest which made him straighten up instantly. He pulled his arms from around the seat and settled his hands on his thighs, rubbing them against his jeans as if to wipe off the sweat from his palms. I looked at him, wondering if I should break the silence. “Um...thanks for kinda sticking up for me...I guess.” I mumbled.

He shrugged nonchalantly. “What he said was seriously fucked. Sorry that he did that…”

“Don’t apologize for him, he's the one that's a perv…Honestly, I didn’t think you would do anything about it. Well at least not like that. I’m sorry that I said you were the same as those guys...”

“Look, i’m an asshole but i’m not that much of an asshole. Surprisingly enough my mom did raise me right.” He flicked the cigarette butt off the side of the car.

“I know... It’s just that no one’s ever really done that for me. I'm used to defending myself and my friends, but he made me feel so...fucking small.” I crossed my arms over my chest, turning away from Johnny in hopes of deflecting the trembling in my voice. The weak feeling remained in my stomach as i could still feel Matt’s hands on me. Even though it caused more trouble than what it was worth, I was glad Johnny had punched him. If we didn't have the threat of being arrested (or jumped) looming over our heads, I would’ve let him destroy that creep. I dragged my knuckle just under my waterline to wipe a tear that threatened to cross the threshold and sniffled softly.

“Aw c’mon, you’re not gonna be a baby about it now are you?” Johnny nudged me and laughed a bit. I swatted at his hand, not really appreciating his efforts to lighten the mood with an insult. He must have sensed how it affected me as he changed his tune suddenly. “Shit...hey, I didn’t mean it like that. A prick like that doesn't deserve any of your emotional attention. Don't let him have the last laugh.” I felt his index finger brush under my chin before turning my face towards him. “I’m serious, ok?”

I nodded a bit, trying my best to accept his words, until i felt a wetness under my chin. “Are your fingers wet or something?”

“Huh?” What do you mean?”

“I feel something wet on me.” I grabbed my phone then, turning the flashlight on as i pulled his hand away from my face. I shone the light on it until it caught the splotch of blood across his knuckles. “Good job, idiot. You busted your knuckles punching him. They're gonna start swelling soon.”

He shrugged. “I've had worse. I'll be fine.”

“Still…” I looked up at him. “You got hurt because of me.” I felt a little bit guilty. “I-I think i may have some tissue somewhere in my purse.”

“Eri, it's literally ok. I don't care.”

“I care, ok?!” I huffed as handed him my phone and dug through my wristlet, searching for the pack of tissue i had stuffed inside it. “Hold the light up for me.” I pulled one out and dabbed at the blood as best as i could, revealing small cuts across two of his knuckles. “You probably caught his teeth when you hit him.” I held the tissue against the cuts adding pressure in hopes of stopping the bleeding for now.

“Maybe…” he sighed and turned the light off, setting my phone between us. “Why are you so worried about me?”

“I-I wouldn’t say i’m worried or anything! Just like...you can’t just be gross and bleed everywhere!” I shifted a bit in my seat and snapped my mouth shut not wanting anything else embarrassing to spill out like word vomit. His hand weakly gave mine a squeeze, a soft grunt indicating that it hurt him just to do that minimal movement. I sighed. “Why are you so stubborn?”

I felt his forehead press against mine and felt the shift in his shoulders as he shrugged. “Don’t know. In my nature I guess.” The minty tobacco scent on his breath fell against my lips and I could tell he was getting even closer. The kiss was so soft and gentle i almost didn’t feel it. “Thanks for making sure i dont ‘bleed everywhere’.” he chuckled.

I didn’t move, even when his other hand came to rest on my thigh, shyly creeping beneath the hem of my skirt. “Johnny…” I whispered. I knew he meant no harm in his touch but the bit contact made me shrink back just a bit. I loved when Johnny touched me but my body seemed to be giving into the knee jerk reaction of defending myself- like i was trying to make up for what i wanted to do earlier but couldn't. I wanted to force that out of my head instantly. He, however, seemed to take notice of my change in demeanor.

“Hey…” He cleared his throat a bit. “We don’t have to. I just thought that maybe…” he took a moment to figure out how to word his thoughts properly. “I don't want the last thing you feel tonight to be his hands on you. You dont deserve that.”

I didn't want that either. I wanted that scum to be wiped cleaned from my skin and memory like a chalkboard. I buried my face in Johnny's neck wrapping my arm around his shoulders. He pulled me into his lap, keeping me secure against him in a way i so desperately craved. He placed soft kisses against my my temple and all the way down to my shoulder. His fingers gently rubbed at the small of my back until my muscles melted away their tension. I sighed softly and inched myself towards his plush lips, turning my head just in time to catch a kiss to the cheek and turn it into an eager dance of our lips against one another. I cupped his face and tilted my head just a bit deepening the kiss. Our chests were pressed against each other, neither of us being able to catch the breaths we were stealing. He slipped a small moan into my mouth and i could feel the small timbre against my tongue. His grip on me was getting tighter though he was moving away from my kisses. “H-hey…” He whispered.

I tried to kiss him again but he jerked his head back. “What’s wrong?” I asked.

“I just...wanna make sure you’re chill you know? Before it goes too far…”

“Oh so now who’s worried about who?” I teased.

“My knuckles are one thing, you feeling like you’re not in control of your body and feeling forced to do something is not. Trust me, i know about that all to well.”

I straddled his lip, edging my thighs over either side of his. “Johnny, you caring enough to stop is the most considerate and human thing you’ve ever done for me.”

“A-ah…um…D-don’t make it weird, Eri.” He pushed his head into my chest, hiding completely from me.

“I mean it. I’m okay with you, with us. I don’t feel like you’re forcing me. And you were right, i shouldn’t let him have that hold on me. He doesn’t deserve my attention. You do.” I tilted his head up and kissed him again. “After all you said you don’t want him to be the last thing I felt tonight. So let me feel you instead. Just be careful with your hand, ok?” I brought the back of his hand to my lips, giving it a small peck before setting his palm over my ass.

“You can be mine for the night then…” He whispered as he decorated my collarbone with tiny love bites, branding my skin with the faintest of marks. Both his hands slipped under my skirt gripping my ass and pulling me flush against the center of his jeans while his teeth tugged at the fabric of my halter top. I untied the strings around my neck, letting my breasts free. Another gust of wind rattled through the park making me shudder. Though my skin was just starting to heat up the ocean air was still too cold to my liking. Johnny moved away for a moment and i felt him shuffling as he pulled off his oversized flannel shirt. He set it on my shoulders before wrapping his lips around my nipple. I slipped my arms through the sleeves, content at the newfound warmth and the way Johnny was eagerly bringing my nipples to attention. I kept his head close while my other hand trailed down the waistband of his jeans.

I plucked away at the button and zipper, allowing just enough room for my small hand to slide into his boxer briefs. His hips bucked just a bit when my fingers rolled over the head of his cock and down to his balls, cupping them slightly. I could already feel him reacting to the delicate touches and i wanted to coax more from him. He eased himself into slow rolls, filling my palm with his growing girth. I wrapped my fingers around him trailing languid strokes from his base to just under his head. The hums he made were so delicate i could barely hear them but rather felt the ticklish vibrations around my nipple. I exhaled airily as i gripped the nape of his neck. His devotion switched to my other breast while mine drew my fingertips to his slit.

Tenderly, i swirled my finger around the hypersensitive area, just barely dipping my nail into him. He separated from my chest and breathed out my name igniting sparks deep within my center. That frantic way his deep voice wrapped around that syllable made me love my name more than anything. With the slightest of throbs a bead of precum coated my fingertip. I traced it down his shaft, outlining a vein and making Johnny roll his head back against the seat.

I pressed needy kisses against his throat as if his moans could satisfy the hunger building within me. I quickened my strokes and filled his ear with promises of how good I wanted us to feel together, how deep i wanted him inside me, and how i wanted him to say my name as if it was the only word he knew. How he drew this confidence to even utter such sins, i'll never know but he sure as hell seemed grateful for it. His uninjured hand was clutching at my wrist, following the ups and downs and quick flicks. His lips parted and a heavy groan coated his perfect lips. I stole another kiss wanting to take in that desire that fueled my wetness.

“Baby,” he practically whined. “Fuck...more…”

I lifted my hips, just hovering over his cock. Slowly i pressed him against the seat of my panties, dragging his head up and down my slit through the damp fabric. I circled my hips every time the tip of his cock hit the most sensitive part of my clit. My thighs trembled under the pressure and i hid my mewl with the back of my hand. Johnny worked to follow my undulations adding more speed and digging into my entrance every few seconds. A rough grunt accompanied his fevered hand in shoving my skirt around my waist and clawing at the barrier between us. “Off.” He stated.

I stood up, Johnny holding onto me to keep me steady as i yanked my panties down to curl at my ankles. “Condom?”

“Always.” He chuckled. I heard him searching for the rubber. After the familiar sound of him spitting out a piece of foil he shoved his jeans down further leaving him just as bare as i was. I saw each move in the shadows and he beckoned me to rejoin him on his lap. I sat down on my throne, keeping my back to his chest as he kept an arm around my waist. I guided him towards my entrance, stretching around inch by painfully thick inch until he vanished inside me. My feet settled on the outside of his knees while my hands braced onto the sides of the bumper car.

I lifted my hips carefully before sliding back down taking slow exhales in between. Each pump coaxed out more of my cum, the slickness easing my movements. Eventually i was able to bounce faster, even swirling my hips and dipping down all the way to his base. The back of my head rested on his shoulder, giving him perfect access to the delicate spot beneath my jawline that pleaded to be marked, bruised, and sucked on. He knew exactly what my body wanted and compiled, sucking blood to the surface. My legs buckled, my thighs pursing together as wave after wave of electricity hit me.

Johnny landed a quick slap to my inner thigh and they flee open again, creating a path for his fingers to spread my lower lips open. His middle finger circled against my clit, digging ever so slightly beneath the hood. My walls spasmed around him, clamping down tight. His thrusts rushed through the tightness, increasing the pressure inside me and fucking me so furiously rough that i could barely keep up. I clutched at my hair, my chest, the back of the seat, anything to try and steady my mind enough to not go crazy.

He gripped my face and jerked it towards his, licking and nipping at my lips. “Turn around.” I twisted my way around, parting from his cock for a bit before retaining my position. He edged me back, forcing me to balance myself against the steering wheel. “Ride me, Eri.”

I nodded quickly, swallowing back the dryness in my throat. I ground my hips into his, practically feeling him bulging against my stomach. My nails dug into the textured plastic clawing out the worse sounds that were masked with my rushed moans. Faster and faster our hips met, luring out the most incredible feeling in the world. I reached for him and he yanked me towards him. His arms wrapped around me tight as our lips crashed together until our orgasms wracked through our systems. We didn't let each other go even then, choosing to slow down our thrusts and grinds until the oversensitivity formed aftershocks of pleasure. My whimpers matched his short groans, trading them between our tongues. When we finally parted he buried his face on my neck and i was hit with the aching realization of how sore my legs were.

“My legs are killing me.” I whined.

“Sorry, baby. Bumper car sex was probably not the best idea but I don’t regret that one bit.” He covered my neck and chest in kisses making me giggle. “I can check it off my fuckit list at least.”

“Oh my god, please shut up.” I pushed him away playfully before sliding him out of me. My body gaped around the empty feeling, wishing that he could stay within me all night but my lower half was extremely fatigued and i was tempted to ask him to carry me to the car. Besides. the last place i wanted to stay at was this damn amusement park. I wiggled my skirt down to cover my ass and plopped down beside him. He made quick work of pulling off the used condom and adjusting himself back in his jeans. I rested my head on his shoulder, gripping onto his firm bicep. “Take me home now, Johnny.”

“You’re gonna have to stop clinging onto me if you want to get home. Also i don’t want to hold my jizz forever. I need to get to the garbage can.”

I groaned and hobbled out of the car, hating every second of it. I struggled to get my underwear back on while Johnny stepped out beside me. While i was tying my halter top and pulling his shirt taught against my chest he pushed me back towards the gate we jumped over earlier, taking a moment to toss out the condom in the nearby trash. He stretched his arms out towards me, preparing to get me over the gate. “Come on, i’ll lift you up.”

I winced at the thought of getting hauled up there again. My stomach was already cramping and i was still trying to shaking out the static-y feeling in my legs. I sighed and let him lift me anyway, knowing this was the only way out where we were least likely to get caught. I hoisted myself over, again waiting for him to help bring me down. When we were both on the other side I looked around trying to figure out which way to go. “I think the beach wraps all the way around the park and goes to the other side of the parking lot but it’s gonna take awhile to get to the car. Do you want to chance it and try and cut across the boardwalk?”

“Ugh, not really. I’m pretty sure I can hear their music still. I don’t mind walking around. What about you?”

“Only if you carry me.”

He rolled his eyes and squatted in front of me. “Fine. Get on.”

“Wait, really?” I asked, stunned.

“If it keeps you from whining the whole time, yeah. Let’s go.”

“Well, f-fine!” I hiked myself onto his back, wrapping my arms loosely around his shoulders. He adjusted me until he felt comfortable and started walking across the shoreline, beginning our long journey to the parking lot. He didn’t seem all too bothered by giving me a piggyback ride and i appreciated not having to use my sore legs. I set my head on his shoulders, the warmth of his body and steady strides coupled with my post sex fatigue was enough to make me want to fall asleep right then. I twirled my index finger loosely around the silver chain he wore and closed my eyes.

“Don’t you fall asleep while I’m doing all the work, princess.”

I yawned deeply, already feeling myself drift off. “You’re the one who agreed to it, daddy...”

The lulling movements stopped suddenly and my eyes flew open as I actually realized what i had said. Stupid Lucas putting that in my head! I was gonna kill him! I had no idea if i should pretend I hadn’t said anything or just laugh it off. My mind was on the fritz and shifting full throttle into panic.

“Did you just-?”

“No!” I blurted out. Way to not acknowledge it and brush it off, idiot.

I could hear him try and hide his laughter. “You did. You actually called me daddy.”

“NO I DIDNT! I JUST...IT'S ALL LUCAS’ FAULT!”

“WHAT? You call Lucas daddy??!”

Oh god, no. Abort. Abort. I wiggled myself down from his hold and squirmed, bolting away from my embarrassment. Technically, it made no sense since we had to ride home together, but at this moment i wanted to be as far away from him as possible.

“Eri! Get back here!”

Shit. Shit. Shit! I tried to run faster but my legs did not want to keep up with me. Soon enough I felt Johnny's arms wrap around me, spinning me around before we collapsed onto the sand. “Tell me!” He commanded.

“No!” I covered my face feeling how red it was getting. He grabbed my hands instantly and pinned them down beside my head. I squeezed my eyes shut already wanting to disappear from beneath him.

“Is it some kink you have? Hmm?”

“I'm gonna kill you.” I whimpered.

“Aww c'mon princess. Dad-daddy wants to-” he couldn't even finish his taunt without bursting into laughter.

I groaned and tried to kick myself from under him but he only pressed into me harder. “Shut up! You're being a jerk! I-i don't even know if I like it!” I semi lied.

His laughter died down slowly and he placed another heated kiss on my lips. “Hmm, that's too bad because i think i do.”

My eyes flew open just as he pulled off me, getting up and resuming his walk down the shore. I turned onto my stomach, looking at him in shock. Did he really say what i think he did? I scrambled to my feet and went after him. When i finally caught up my face was still flushed. “D-do you really?” I asked shyly.

He didn't say anything, only giving me a small wink. I cast my gaze downward and kept my mouth shut, afraid of what else would come out of this beach trip. He joined me in my silence, which wasn't terribly awkward but filled with a sexually tense curiosity. He shoved his hands in his pockets and i clutched onto his arm, getting close enough to set my head against his shoulder. He didn't seem to mind and slowed down his strides so i wouldn't trail behind. Even though tonight was a train wreck at the beginning i never thought that it would end with us walking along the beach under the moonlight.

His yawn broke our silence and i looked at the time on my phone. The sun was just beginning to taint the sky with hues of hazy purples and soft blues. We still had that long drive back and i was sure the both of us would spend the day sleeping. Im sure he wouldn't want to drive the extra bit over to his apartment. “Hey, do you just wanna crash at my place?” I asked.

He nodded, that adorable sleepy look crossing his face again. Guess he wasn't up defending his manhood and fuckboy ways this time. “How about i drive us home? I think i'm a little bit more awake that you are.”

“Sounds good. I'm ready to pass the fuck out.” He handed me the keys from his pocket as our long walk finally ended at his car. We got in and i started it up, finally pulling away from the hellhole. I relaxed my hand loosely on the gear shift as i drove. Out of the corner of my eye i could see Johnny already falling asleep. His hand was close to mine, his slender fingers looking perfect and angelic to me in the strangest way. The tip of his pinky edged against mine until they linked together. I smiled a little bit, feeling my whole body tingle with warmth. I was feeling too much like a teenager with a crush and this wasn’t making it any easier.

--

I unlocked the door to the apartment, trying to be as quiet as possible. I wasn't sure if Quinn was here or asleep but i didn't want to be too loud. Johnny followed behind me shutting the door softly. I took his hand and guided him through the darkness until i reached my room. I turned on my desk lamp so the dim light didn't bother us too much. He was quick to get to my bed, craving its comfort.

“Do you need any pj's?” I asked.

He shook his head, rubbing the sleep from his eyes. “I sleep naked.”

I smirked and laughed a bit. “Of course you do. C'mon then, before you fall asleep in your jeans.”

He groaned and reached for the hem of his shirt, pulling it over his head. Meanwhile i worked to toss off my skirt and panties, pulling off my halter top but leaving on Johnny's comfy flannel. Hopefully, it wouldn't be too obvious that i wanted to keep it on all night. When i turned my attention back to him, he was comfortably naked and still sitting on the edge of my bed. I stepped between his knees and pushed his hair back while he rested his head on my stomach. I dont know what prompted my memory but i suddenly remembered the cuts on his knuckles. “Oh! I should probably take care of that now.”

“Of what?”

“Your hand, duh. I'll be right back.” I pulled away from him and headed towards the door. It wasn't until i reached the bathroom that i truly caught the scent that seeped through the fabric and it smelled so good. I couldn't help but bring the collar to my nose and take in his cologne mixed with the mint of his cigarettes. Usually the smell of cigarettes wasn’t pleasant but for some reason it worked on him. Maybe it was just because the shirt mimicked how i loved the way he held me the past couple of times we hooked up. And after tonight i had the fairy tail idea implanted in my brain that he could protect me from any sort of evil i had to face again. It felt good.

Gathering my thoughts, i remembered why i had left my room and rummaged through the cabinet under the sink grabbing the few medical supplies we had. I thought to grab something from the freezer to ease the swelling. The light of the bathroom was just barely enough to guide me to the kitchen where i found an ice pack. I made my way back to my room, closing the door behind me with my foot. Johnny had risen from the bed and instead was in the corner of my room curiously examining my guitar. Fuck.

“What are you doing?”

He shot up quickly. “I just never noticed this before. You play?”

“Uh...y-yeah, a little. Well i guess a lot.”

“You're new at it or-?”

“I...i-um...i've been doing it since high school but I don't really talk about my music stuff. It's kinda embarrassing.”

“How so?”

I shrugged and looked down at my feet. “I'm not really talented or anything.”

He walked back over to the bed and sat down. “You in a band?” He asked deflecting my self degradation.

“Yeah, kinda. We practice and play some gigs.” I set myself between his knees again, laying out the tools i needed to patch him up beside me.

“Oh? What kind of music do you guys play?”

I winced at the question. “Well we...we kinda do um this thing called emo and metal cover night where we just play songs of that genre at this local club. That's why i said i'm not really talented or anything. We don't write our own songs, i can't make up lyrics, my voice isn't super good.”

“But you have fun?”

I nodded.

“Then that's all that fucking matters, dude. And i'm sure you're not as bad as you think. Could i come to one of your shows?”

I stared up at him, eyes as wide as saucers. “Y-you? Come see me??”

“Yeah? Don't your friends go to see you play?”

“Absolutely not. They don't know i do it.”

“What?! Why not? Why are you so embarrassed about it?”

I sighed. “Do you really want to hear me sing ‘Welcome to the Black Parade’ to a group of 20 to 30 somethings that can't fill a bar?”

“Yes.” His quick answer was enough to make my face flush.

“Why?” I whispered.

“I don't think you should hide what you like. Maybe i want to listen to ‘Welcome to the Black Parade’ in a grungy bar.”

I snorted. “Do you even know who that's by?”

“Listen, i had my emo phase when i was 14. Unlike you i grew out of it.” He teased. “Then towards the end of high school i grew my hair out really long and hung out with a bunch of skater kids that listened to screamo.”

“You with long hair?! How long?” I ripped open an alcohol pad and swiped it across his cuts making him hiss.

“Ah-um...past my shoulders.”

“Holy shit. I could never picture you with hair that long.”

“Trust me it was a mistake. I cut it all off like my second year of college.”

“Well thank god for that.” I added a few dabs of antibiotic ointment to the cuts. They were already starting to close just a bit, a good sign that they weren't too deep. I added some bandaids around his knuckles and fingers, mostly satisfied with my handiwork. “Do you want the ice pack?”

“Nah, i'm good. Tell me, do you have a little slutty nurse outfit to put on or are you just gonna wear my shirt all night.” he smirked.

I jumped a little at the mention of his shirt. “Do you, um, want it back?”

He shook his head and leaned back onto the bed. “You look good in it.” He mumbled.

“Ah…” i twiddled with the buttons on the oversized sleeves. We stood quiet for a moment while our eyes couldn’t decide if they wanted to deflect our gazes or meet them head on. I could see a hint of pink on his cheeks that he kept trying to hide.

“Anyway, guess i'll get to bed here.” I nodded and scooted back just a bit to gather up the medical supplies. I tossed out the garbage and made my way to my bed, crawling in beneath the covers. Johnny laid beside me, his side of the covers tossed across his waist. A part of me was already wishing that he would hold me as this was basically the second time he would be staying in my bed. I wanted that feeling of him against me but maybe cuddling was way too personal. I didn't need to add fuel to the fire of my impending thoughts of a crush. Still, maybe after tonight he would give way to similar thoughts. I inched myself closer to him until i pressed my cheek to his chest making him jump up.

“What are you doing?”

I pressed my lips to his briefly. “Just...laying down.”

“You have to be on top of me?”

I pulled away, stung by his words. “Oh...no. Sorry.” I retreated to my side of the bed, facing away from him. Of course i looked like the idiot now. Being shot down like that was a blow to the ego that i should've factored in. But my stupidity got the best of me. My room was covered in silence now, the small space between our bodies seeming as vast as an abyss and full of our awkwardness. I closed my eyes then as i tried to sleep, trying to forget. Sleep didn’t come easy though. It felt like hours passed by of me being awake though my body was screaming that it was tired. It was driving me insane and Johnny’s constant tossing and turning wasn’t helping at all. I was halfway tempted to make him sleep on the couch when i felt his arm wrap around my waist suddenly. He pulled me flush against him, our chests pressed together and his head settling atop mine. Now i was utterly confused at his hot and cold signals. He could be asleep and just having a dream but i wished that it didn't have to play with my emotions.

“Johnny?” I whispered, testing to see if he was actually asleep.

He left out a soft hum, partially acknowledging me. He didn't move away from me, only closer until my face was buried in his neck and i had no choice but to be surrounded by his warmth. His willingness to finally hold me almost made up for his earlier mixed signals. In this fraction of a moment of peace everything felt utterly perfect and I wanted to stay like this forever. He was still an asshole but I could see that underneath his fuckboy exterior he was actually a human being sometimes. I sighed contently as i wrapped my leg over his hips and clutched at his bicep. His hand shifted from my waist to beneath his shirt trailing up my spine and making me flinch away at the ticklish sensation. I felt the small laugh vibrate in his throat and i gave him a small tap on his shoulder. “Don’t tickle me.”

“I’m not.” He rasped. “You’re just sensitive right here.” His fingers drifted up and down my spine again making me squirm against him.

“You freaked out when i tried to lay on your chest earlier, what's with the change of heart?” I probed.

He stood quiet for so long i thought he had fallen asleep again. “Couldn't really get back to sleep. I figured maybe you might be able to help.”

“Help?” I scoffed. “Yeah, maybe i can conk you in the head and knock you out. You'll be asleep then.”

I saw a little smile tug at the corner of his lips. “I'm sure you'd love that. For now, just stay like this.”

I swallowed hard and twirled my finger in his necklace again. “Y-yeah...sure.”

“You feel good.” His words mimicked Lucas’ from a few days ago. I didn’t know how else to respond. I stood quiet, keeping my face hidden. He pressed my hips against him harder and i could feel exactly what he wanted, what he needed. “Help me fall asleep?”

“Slut.” I finally said, rolling my eyes. Of course that’s why he decided to hold me. He chuckled and looked down at me before placing a kiss to my lips.

“Can’t help it when im with you.”

I dug my nails into his skin, my body tensing at his words and the gentle way he was rocking his hips into my residual wetness. “You’re the..” I hummed softly when i felt him press into me. “A-ahh, Johnny wait…”

He eased me onto my back, rolling onto my body and wrapping my legs around him fully. “Can I-?”

“No.” I said sternly. “I’ll beat your ass.”

“The things I do for you, Eri. Why do you have to drive me so fucking insane.” He grabbed my chin and slipped my tongue into his hot mouth almost distracting me. I clutched at his shoulders until he pulled away, reaching down to fumble through his pockets.

“Me drive you insane?” Oh, if you only knew. “I could say the same about you, jerk.”

He rolled on the fresh rubber and settled inside me again. My mind drifted to the last time we were sleepy and begging to fuck. This time it seemed even gentler, his thrusts much slower and soft hums of pleasure tickling my ear. I closed my eyes and arched into his perfect frame, keeping it close as possible.

“I’m the one that should be in an asylum dealing with you.” I panted softly, trying to keep of my facade of not falling in love with the way he felt inside me.

His large hands caressed my forearms, sliding up until our hands intertwined. He squeezed them tight making my heart speed into overdrive. I heard it pumping in my ears as a overwhelming warmth crawled into every inch of my skin. I trembled just at the thought that was clawing at my brain. Please don’t tell me i’m falling in love with him.

--

John/Eri Chat

(Day 1)

Hey i had a good time the other night. Ur not so bad lol

Johnny💕: Read

(Day 5)

Hey, havent heard from you in a bit

U ok?

John: Read

(Day 7)

?

Asshole: Read

(Day 11)

Ok…

Forget Him: Read

[thepainlessmoustache]

Peppermint Plane Rides

Hey there! A little later than I wanted but I couldn’t breathe for a few days so I’m excusing myself. This is based on a prompt @queerlyalex gave me for Niall distracting Bressie’s kid on a plane ride. It’s a little backwards but I still think it’s cute

Niall's least favorite part of any plane ride—besides the claustrophobia and turbulence and the feeling of impending doom—is when he has to sit near a kid. And sitting next to a kid? That's even worse. But this kid isn't so bad. She's wearing little overalls and has her hair braided loosely and seems content to play with a Gameboy Niall's pretty sure he had when he was a kid.

The familiar noises are a bit comforting, but when the wind catches the plane and makes it jump a little even the most familiar of noises isn't going to keep his mind from screaming death at him.

"You get nervous on planes?" the little girl pipes in, looking up from her game from the first time. She's got gray eyes that seem far too smart for her age. Especially considering that Niall's about to piss himself.

"A bit."

"My da told me it helps to if you've got candy." She nods to the giant snoring gently next to her, and Niall startles to realize he hadn't even looked to see who else was in his row. He'd been too busy checking his buckle a dozen or so times. "He takes the window so I can't look down. You want a peppermint? I've got some."

"Uh, sure." Niall agrees weakly, and she doubles over to pluck a Merida backpack from under her seat. She shoves two peppermint candies into his palm. "Thanks."

"Da thinks she's the best princess." she says, points to the redhead.

"She's a good one." Niall agrees, even if he knows next to nothing about Disney princesses.

"I like her horse."

Niall pops a candy into his mouth and nods.

"You've never watched Brave, have ya?" Niall shakes his head nervously, and she sighs. He can't believe how judged he feels by this seven year old. "Da's got it on his phone, I think."

Before he can tell her not to bother, she's reaching over and digging in the sleeping man's pockets. He grumbles weakly, but moves to allow his daughter access and Niall feels a bit dirty for thinking her dad is handsome, especially with his kid sitting right next to him.

She expertly pulls up the movie and holds it between them. Niall can't really tell her no, so he settles in to watch.

She points out her horse when they get to that part, and by then Niall is...kind of intrigued. She asks if he wants to keep watching and he says yes, so she pulls out another handful of peppermints to go on his lap tray and together they watch the movie and suck on candies.

They're nearly done with the film when Niall hears a gruff voice say "That was always my favorite part." and he looks up to see her dad watching them with a small smile.

"Oh, um."

"Shh." the girl hisses, smacking Niall's arm. "Pay attention."

It's hard to, but he tries. He keeps glancing at her dad, at the soft way he watches her and maybe also Niall himself. He feels sweat starting to build up on the back of his neck again, anxiety ratcheting for an entirely different reason.

She shoves a peppermint at him, which he takes sheepishly.

At the end of the movie she hands the phone to her dad, who is well awake now. He shoves it back in his pocket and rubs a hand over her hair. "So who's your friend, Shiny?"

She looks at Niall with wide eyes. "I forgot to ask."

"Niall. Horan." He adds his last name for the father.

Her head swings to look at her dad. "That's your name, Da!"

"That's right, Shiny. Niall Breslin, Bressie for short. This is my daughter, Danny."

"What are the chances?" Niall laughs nervously. "Two Nialls in the same row."

"About the same chances as my daughter making friends twenty thousand feet in the air."

"He gets nervous on planes, too." Danny explains. "I told him what you told me, about the peppermints, and then he didn't know who Angus was so I had to show him."

"Of course." Bressie nods seriously.

The plane jumps again and Niall's hand shoots out to grab the headrest in front of him. Danny pats his leg. "It's just, uh—it's hot in here, isn't it?" he offers, sucking on the peppermint to keep his mouth from going dry.

"Is it a heights thing?" Bressie wonders.

"Tight spaces and...um...speed..." He's getting dizzy, needs a cold drink or a tranquilizer. The plane shudders again.

"Do you play Tetris?"

Niall looks incredulously at the other man. "Tetris?"

"I've got Tetris." Danny says, waving her bulky Gameboy.

Niall breathes a little easier looking at her, like it's easier to forget how to be scared when looking at a child. "Right. Tetris. I'm pretty good, if, uh..."

She shoves it into his hands before he even finishes asking. It takes a bit of effort to get a game started up, especially with his hands shaking, but once he's in the familiar rhythm of it—left, down, right right, down, hold, left, down—he finds himself breathing.

"Da, he's not even halfway up!" Danny says. "He gets all his rows!"

"This was a game when I was your age." Niall says. "I had one of these myself."

"This was mine." Bressie explains. "She gets more out of it than I do, now."

Niall gets himself caught looking into his eyes for a moment before Danny squeals "Niall, you're going to miss!"

The few minutes roll by easily with conversation and no turbulence. The landing is a little rough, but he's surprised into calmness by Danny squeezing her hand along with her dad's. Once they're in line to get off the plane, Niall's almost a little sad.

"Da, is this the last time we'll see Niall?" Danny asks as they're crossing the dumb rickety tube that connects the plane to the terminal.

"Well," her dad says slowly. "Kind of up to Niall, innit?"

"Me?" Niall turns even though he'd really rather be anywhere than in this accordion accident waiting to happen.

Bressie smirks slowly. "Well, if you're in Dublin for a bit..." He shrugs. "Wouldn't be opposed to offering you lunch."

Niall stumbles the last few feet out into the terminal, onto solid ground. He feels his shoulders release for the first time in nearly two hours. "I guess I wouldn't be opposed to getting lunch." he agrees.

"Can we have hot dogs?" Danny asks. "Mum won't let me have hot dogs."

Niall's heart skips a little, and either it shows on his face or Bressie has super hearing because he says "Her mum's in London. We, ah...when she was a baby. We weren't married." He shrug stiffly and sets a big hand on Danny's head. "Little miracles, huh?"

Niall nods slowly, thinks of his own parents and looks down to Danny. Her face is innocent, but he's given that look to dozens of people in his own lifetime. He's never known differently, but that doesn't mean it doesn't feel different. "Hot dogs, huh? You like onions on them?"

"Ew," Danny crinkles her nose. "Why would I eat onions?"

"Why wouldn't you?" Niall counters and looks up at Bressie. He's worrying the inside of his cheek. "Alright, well, clearly I have to have lunch with you now. You haven't taught her the value of onions."

Bressie's smile is bitten back but still full. "Truly, I've been lacking as a father."

"Can't imagine what else I'll have to teach her." Niall throws out flippantly before he realizes he's sort of implying he'd like to be in their lives longer than just a lunch. Which he would, of course, but it's a bit early to be admitting that.

Bressie just smiles though. "Yeah, we'll see."

[thehappymessproject]

49/100 - Inner monsters : insidious perfectionism

Not a good thing at all

I used to buy into the myth that perfectionism is a good thing, a “fake flaw”, like so many of us. Even if my perfectionism was quite exhausting and frustrating, it made me feel like I was rigorous, I loved well done work and couldn’t “help myself” to be all in when I was doing things. It made me feel better than people who would do things half-assed and without any passion or commitment. 

OMG I’m actually a bit embarrassed to have written that first paragraph I have to confess. It makes me feel stupid that I bought in such utter BS, easy con at some point. Which is, very appropriately, yet another layer of perfectionism. That’s how pervasive it gets. I’m not allowed to make any mistakes, to be human.

How procrastination and perfectionism work hand in hand with shame

The first time I started to doubt myself on this was while reading “Procrastination : why you do it, what to do about it” from Jane Burka and Lenora Yuen, almost 10 years ago. It helped me realise how much procrastination and perfectionism were entangled, nourishing each other. 

I used to call myself the empress of procrastination too, with again, some kind of weird pride. A friend of mine added me to a group named “Anonymous Procrastinators”, where we would share jokes on the matter, but no one seemed remotely interested in changing anything about it, very much like perfectionism. 

Actually, it’s worse than that : most of us treat perfectionism and procrastination as personalty traits, things inherent to our identity and way of functioning. Completely oblivious about the fact that by doing so, we make them that much harder to actually change.

What’s the trick?

And then, [cue : light coming from the sky and mystic “aaaaaah” voice harmonies], Brene Brown made her entrance in my life. At that point, her work and mine are so entangled that I allow myself to be on a first name basis with her. Brene is a researcher/story teller. Her work on shame and vulnerability is absolutely brilliant and so liberating (click on each words to see hew awesome TED talks). 

You see, perfectionism is rooted in shame. We don’t want to make things perfect because we love them and take them seriously, but because we don’t love ourselves enough to accept how imperfect we are, and to accept that perfection doesn’t exist. 

By wanting to make things perfect anyway, we set standards that are impossible to attain. Things becomes polarised (black and white) : either perfect or shitty, and since they’ll never be perfect, everything basically becomes shitty. 

And because we learn through that process that we produce shitty things, to compensate, we start to procrastinate them to protect ourselves from the feeling of failing. 

If we procrastinate, we can’t do them perfectly, we don’t have time. Therefore, we can always save face when we don’t get the grades or results we wanted by saying “Well, if I had had the time, I would have done better”. We entertain an idea of our own hypothetical greatness, without ever challenging ourselves to see what we are really capable of. Perfect ego trap.

The content of those two last paragraphs blew my mind and changed my life forever when I really studied them and their implications. Perfectionism and procrastination never helped me or anyone in the first place, they just made stuff harder, and made me feel like shit, in order to avoid the discomfort of facing reality. Wasting so so much of my life, time and energy. 

You have no idea of the intensity of the break-down that ensued discovering those.

What can we do?

Fortunately, those depressing facts came with some blueprint to get out of there. By seeing perfectionism and his pal, procrastination, as some kind of vulnerability phobia, we become allowed to train our ability to be vulnerable : we become able to strengthen our bravery muscles. 

Don’t panic. I’m not saying we need to do heroic stuff to do so. I am talking about a much more important kind of bravery : ordinary courage. 

Ordinary courage is a very important skill to practice. Choosing to be vulnerable and brave rather than to feel like we are winning, in control, and powerful is one of the most life-altering things I’ve ever learnt. Obviously, it’s not an easy one, and it takes time, energy and intention. The goods news being that each time we practice it it becomes easier. The more we do it the less scary life seems. 

To me, it came down to two things working together : grounding practices (click for my text on those) and creativity. Journaling and meditation help us greatly by being a time to observe how much we are constantly changing, how useless it is to evaluate ourselves, and having clarity on our needs and wants. By showing us everyday that we can’t predict or know that well how we’ll feel, we start opening up, being more flexible, observing instead of judging. 

Yoga was crazy efficient for me. It taught me to accept where I was everyday, one step at a time. Being slightly disabled, there are so many things I can’t do. So in order to keep doing it, I needed to let go of my wanting to progress fast, to balance things with ease... 

There are quite basic poses I still can’t do after 4 years, and yet, I never cared less about being incompetent. Who cares that I can’t do a headstand or a high lunge when doing way simpler things bring so much joy and serenity to me already while teaching me how to accept myself? 

That’s what ordinary courage brings us : the freedom of being our imperfect failing selves.

Creativity helped me even more by providing even more play (yoga teach us how to play with our body through movement, like a very slow dance with practice). 

I used to lose my mind when practicing any kind of creative endeavour. Each time I had a crush on a medium, I would get a little too far, working on it very seriously, taking courses, reading manuals and tutorials by dozens without actual practicing.

Once I would finally get myself to actually practice, I would always end up super disappointed about my actual performance. And my perfectionist brain wouldn’t accept that it was completely normal, even by learning and reading a lot about it, that I would suck at something I never practice. 

At some point, I would find more and more excuses to not practice more, avoiding that feeling of failure, even if I was feeling shitty for being “that girl who never finished up anything she starts”.  

The same thing would go for things that I couldn’t really learn about before practicing. Things that were maybe easier and fun at first. I would be very into it, until it got hard. Then I would slowly lose interest, certain that since I wasn’t easily good at it, it must mean it’s just not my thing, I simply didn’t have any talent at it. 

After reading Brene’s books, I decided that I would focus on courage for a year. I tried many small new things I never dared to try. Every time I felt uncomfortable and wanted to quit, I put more energy into being brave instead. I pushed myself to say no to things that I hated and yes to things I loved. I tried to go back to those things I used to love but “had to” give up. It was way better, but still quite a struggle. 

I realised with practice that my ability to discourage myself with harsh judgements and impossible standards was too strong for my own good. I needed something to trick my brain into doing something scary, important for me and while not realising I was learning something and skill was involved. It wasn’t easy. 

Until I found my first classes on watercolour painting. I watched quite a few of them, but only playful beginners courses, with lots of practice exercises and especially, abstract exercises. And pushed myself to try, even just for a few minutes sometimes. 

Abstract is really easy when you don’t know anything about painting : it’s basically about playing with shapes and colours and observe what is happening. You have to fail and can’t fail at the same time.

It was still really scary to do. I had to find so many ways to trick myself. Snacks and peppermint tea helped. Smoking helped. Finding fun and easy subjects to paint definitely helped. Finding a friend interested in trying it out too made me accountable and helped staying motivated. Making sessions short, but frequent was life saving (it makes anything way easier than it is at first, in the quickest way possible).  

Not even a year later, I was able to go back to photography, and finally be brave enough to practice and suck at it. Courage is contagious to all parts of life, once we train it, we change in such a deep way, we start loving ourselves more, to be naturally bolder, to trust ourselves and the process of growth, life itself. Everything around us change. We set better boundaries, make better choices, can listen to ourselves better. 

Coupled with better awareness, courage makes us virtually unstoppable.

So my only wish for anyone reading this today is that you found here the inspiration of doing anything that you find scary (let’s start at 3-4/10 on a fear scale, 10 being the scariest thing you can imagine doing) today, even if it’s just for a few minutes. Give yourself that opportunity for some self-love and bravery practice.

See you tomorrow,  Love,  L.  

[downtowns-universe]

A visit

Characters: Jack, Chris, others

Words: 3079

* Jack

 “So… where are we going again?” Chris asked, giving the portal a distrusting look.

“You’ll see.”

Jack grinned when he noticed his well-filled backpack. He didn’t need his power to know what was in there. He hoped Chris wouldn’t use any of it. But why would he? They weren’t going to any dangerous place; they wouldn’t even leave earth this time. No reason to freak out at all.

At least he’d followed Jack’s advice and was wearing shorts and a t-shirt, despite it being a bit too cold for those. He didn’t seem all too happy with it, but would probably thank him for it once they got there.

“Ready?”

“I doubt I will ever be…”

“Relax, we’re just visiting a friend. No reason to panic.”

“I’m not panicking!”

“Good. Come on, let’s go.”

Jack stepped through the portal, hoping that Chris would follow him. He’d been through portals before, so this one shouldn’t be much of a problem, but you never knew. Jack had experienced first-hand how unpredictable he could be regarding his current situation. He hoped that introducing him to his world and his friends would ease him up a little.

It took a moment and Jack was just about to head back to check on him, when Chris finally stepped out next to him. He cautiously looked around the small room filled with portals he had ended up in, like something could appear from one of them at any moment. After seeing that the coast was clear he relaxed a little.

“So… where are we?”

“Madagascar.”

“You have friends all the way over here? Wow.”

“My friends are everywhere. That’s why those portals really come in handy.”

Chris sighed. “At least we’re still on earth… right?”

“Yep,” Jack grinned. “Come on, let’s see if anyone’s around.”

“You didn’t… call in advance or anything?”

“Nope.”

“Oh…”

He could tell Chris had his doubts about this, but he’d just have to deal with it. The worst thing that could happen is that they found no one there, then they would just head home again and go for a coffee or something. But his head told him they had nothing to worry about today, and this was soon confirmed by laughter coming from outside of the house.

“Come on,” Jack smiled, and opened the door.

  * Chris

 Chris wasn’t sure what he’d expected the house to look like, but this certainly wasn’t it. It was light, with big windows looking out over the sea. The place was decorated with furniture from all over the world, and from different time periods, that seemed to be randomly put together. On one wall hung a collection of swords; Chris could tell they were not just for decoration. The opposite wall was covered by shelves filled with all kinds of things: old artefacts, kid’s toys, and items that could be either. The house had a huge open kitchen, from which came the smell of baking. In front of one of the windows a wind chime softly tinkled. He didn’t see anyone, but Jack resolutely walked towards one of the glass doors, so Chris just followed him.

Outside they ended up on a deck which to his surprise featured another kitchen, with a sunroof made from an old sail to protect them from the midday sun. Chris blinked against the light, feeling a bit jetlagged since it had been the early morning where they’d left off, and he hadn’t had his coffee yet.

“Jack!” someone called.

The voice had come from their right, where a group of people sat on lounge chairs. One of them, a blond guy wearing shorts and a t-shirt, jumped up.

“You’re just in time for cake! But you knew that already, didn’t you?”

Only when he walked past them he seemed to notice Jack hadn’t come alone, and halted to take a look at his guest.

“And who have we here?” he grinned. “The hunter friend you were talking about?”

“Yes, this is Chris.”

“Nice to meet you, I’m Seb.” He gestured towards the chairs. “Sit down, I need to get this thing out of the oven.”

Jack immediately dropped down on the couch.

“Uh… hi,” Chris said, following his example. He put his backpack on the floor – within reach, of course – and nervously looked at the people around him, trying to assess whether they’d be a danger to him, even though Jack had said they were friends. He wondered what Jack had been telling them about him.

The first to catch his eye was a guy on the right, who had the reddest hair he’d ever seen. One of his ears was full of piercings and his arms showed several scars as well as tattoos.

“Hi, I’m Zian,” he nodded when their eyes met.

“Chris, nice to meet you.”

“I’m Arianne,” the woman next to him said. “But you can call me Ari.”

She smiled at him while brushing her long brown hair out of her face. Chris saw she had tattoos as well, although not as many as Zian. The one that stood out to him was of a ship with blood red sails. Hadn’t Jack mentioned something about them being pirates? He suddenly wondered how old they all were. If they all had powers, surely they must be way more skilled than Jack – and way more dangerous.

“Where’s Patrick?” Jack asked.

“On the beach with Dariel,” Zian said. “I thought you’d know that, Jack. Very disappointing.”

“Well, we can’t all be perfect. Speaking of that: it’s very rude to rummage through people’s stuff.”

Chris had no idea what he was talking about, but Zian just grinned and said not to worry since he didn’t steal anything. He glanced at his backpack. Did he imagine it or had it been moved an inch to the left? He didn’t dare pick it up to check, in case it would be interpreted as a move. How would they’ve been able to get to it unnoticed from that side of the table, anyway? Unless…

Chris suddenly regretted turning off his scanner. Even though its buzzing wouldn’t tell him anything as long as Jack was around, he still felt safer with it enabled. He was currently trying to get its latest software installed, which could be programmed to allow exceptions, but getting it was always a challenge since the website’s domain changed constantly for safety reasons. As did a lot of the sites hunters used. Not so weird seeing as they mostly dealt in weapons and questionable magical items.

Chris nervously shifted in his seat as Jack made small talk about how awful the weather was back home and how nice it was to just get away. He nodded in agreement when Jack said “don’t you think?”, and hoped they would stop looking at him. Luckily then Seb returned with cake and their attention shifted away from him.

  * Jack

 “You’d better hide this cake or I’ll come back tonight and steal it,” Zian said with his mouth full.

“You could just ask for the leftovers, you know?” Seb smiled.

“Where’s the fun in that?”

“Why wait, when you can steal the entire cake right now?” Jack suggested.

He grinned, since he knew what would happen next.

“Great plan!” Zian laughed, and suddenly all of their plates were gone.

Jack did his best not to laugh at Chris’ dumbstruck face when he looked around for his slice of cake. Perhaps he shouldn’t be freaking him out like that while he still had to get used to the company, but he just couldn’t resist. Besides, this was as accurate an impression of his friends as he was going to get.

“Please tell me you didn’t just eat all of that?” Ari said.

“God, no. I’d be sick.”

“Then where’d you put it?”

“Just inside.” He hadn’t finished speaking or all of the plates were back on the table.

Chris shot him a glance, asking for an explanation, but Jack just winked back at him. He’d either have to figure it out for himself or ask Zian. Sure, he’d brought him here to get to know the other side of the world he’d gotten caught up in, but he wasn’t going to hold his hand while doing it. If Chris had managed to talk himself into the hunters’ circle he could surely do this. The challenge wasn’t in making sure his friends trusted him, but if he could bring himself to trust them. So far he’d yet to loosen up; Jack could tell he was ready to jump for his bag at any second.

Chris was the first one to spot Patrick returning from the beach, even though Jack had known she was coming. She had a towel wrapped around her waist and her wet hair glistened in the sunlight.

“I see we have guests!” she called. “Or at least, more than usual.”

She approached the table.

“Hi, I’m Trish, but you can call me Patrick.”

For a second, the look on Chris’ face expressed surprise, and something else Jack couldn’t quite place.

He cleared his throat. “I- I’m Chris. Nice to meet you, …Patrick.”

She giggled at his confusion.

“Patrick’s what the crew used to call me, and it stuck,” she explained.

“Right… I see.”

Patrick sat down on the couch next to Seb, playfully tickling him with her wet hair.

“Is Ray still with Dariel?”

She nodded. “I think he fell asleep.”

“Not for long, probably,” Seb laughed. He turned to Jack. “Will you be staying for dinner?”

“Dinner? We just had breakfast.”

“Well, that’s not my problem,” he grinned.

“Fair enough. What do you think, Chris?”

He surely hoped Chris would agree. And if not, he’d just have to inform him of Seb’s amazing cooking skills.

“Uh, if there’s enough… I guess?”

They all laughed.

“If there’s enough! That’s such a Dutch thing to say. Of course there’s enough. You’re staying.”

“Then I guess we are.”

“Good.”

  * Chris

 “So Chris,” Patrick asked. “What do you do? Do you have a job? Hobbies?”

“Well, I guess hunting is kind of my job,” he said awkwardly. “But I also work security a couple of nights. Not as thrilling as it sounds. Mostly means I’m asleep for half of the day.”

He thought for a moment, frantically searching for facts about himself that didn’t involve hunting.

“I’m on a football team. We suck. Most of us are in it for the drinks afterwards.”

“He also plays the piano,” Jack added.

“Used to. Did you see room for a piano in my apartment?”

“Maybe if you threw out some weapons,” Jack muttered under his breath.

“Very funny.”

“I’m actually serious!”

“I’ve thought about getting a storage unit, but stuffing it full of weapons didn’t seem like a very good idea.”

“It could be,” Ari said. “You just need to find the right place. Some place where the regulations aren’t very strict and no one will come snooping around. I could probably help you find one.”

Of course a pirate would know where best to hide illegal objects. He had no doubt she’d find him a place, but should he? Being discovered wasn’t the only issue; he also wanted to keep his weapons at hand when he needed them. A trip to some storage facility before every hunt wasn’t ideal. Besides, if he was going to do this he’d prefer if no one else knew about its location.

“Uh, thanks, but I’ll manage. Wouldn’t know how to get a piano into a five-high apartment anyway.”

“I do,” Jack grinned.

“I won’t let you and your magic anywhere near it.”

“A shame.”

Chris sighed.

“I’d have to get my hands on a piano first. No way I’m going back to my parents’ place to get my old one.”

“You’re not close to them?” Patrick carefully asked.

Fuck. He didn’t mean to open up that can of worms.

“I don’t see them much,” he sighed. “They didn’t agree to me wanting to transition. I think they’re over it by now but I still keep them at a distance. Wouldn’t want them to get caught up in… whatever this is.”

“I see…”

Chris stared at his feet, hoping the awkward silence wouldn’t last long. Why was he so bad at social stuff?

Luckily Jack seemed to catch up on what he wanted, as usual.

“Who wants to play cards?” he asked, and reached for a box under the table for a pack of cards he knew to be there.

Seb jumped up. “Good idea, I’ll go get the rum.”

“The rum?” Chris asked, partially confused, partially glad the topic had changed.

“Can’t play cards without rum, now can we?” he shrugged.

“Can’t do anything without rum,” Ari corrected him.

“I see. Well, that’s one pirate stereotype confirmed,” Chris said.

“Right. I’ll also go get my eyepatch and parrot, then.”

Seb disappeared inside while the others cleared the table.

“Just so you know: everyone cheats. But we’ll go easy on you, seeing how it’s your first time,” Jack explained while shuffling the cards.

“No, you won’t. I’ve known you longer than today.”

“Of course we won’t go easy,” Zian laughed. “Loser has to do the dishes.”

“I heard something about cards?” a voice sounded from behind them.

When Chris turned around to find out the origin of the voice, he had to try his best not to grab his weapons. A winged creature came walking towards them, holding a little boy by the hand. The demon – or at least that’s what Chris assumed it was – was covered in colourful scales, ranging from blue to orange to green. He was wearing swimming shorts, just like the boy next to him, and carried towels. Even though his posture seemed relaxed, his tail swished around cautiously.

“Don’t scare him like that, Ray,” Patrick said.

Ray shrugged and his scales disappeared. He retracted his wings. Chris wasn’t sure where they’d gone and decided he didn’t want to know. He almost looked human now, except for his piercing yellow eyes with slit pupils.

“Ray isn’t scary!,” the little boy protested. “He’s just my dragon!”

“I’m not scary?” Ray sounded disappointed. He looked at Chris. “What do you think?”

“Uh… I thought dragons were supposed to be… bigger?”

“I can be bigger,” Ray grinned, showing off his sharp teeth. “Come along to the beach and I’ll show you.”

“No thanks, I’m good.”

“I promise I won’t eat you?”

“…Let’s just play cards.”

“Can’t. I promised Dariel to play Mario Kart.”

“Come oooooon,” Dariel whined while pulling on Ray’s arm.

“Alright buddy, I’m coming. Nice to meet you,” he said over his shoulder.

Chris nodded, still a bit dumbfounded.

“So what game are we playing?” he asked once he’d remembered what they were doing again.

“It’s a game they invented on the ship. So obviously they designed it so they can win,” Jack sighed.

“Don’t be so salty,” Zian laughed. “If you can’t win it just means you’re bad. Simple as that.”

“And like you couldn’t possibly win, mister know it all,” Ari added.

“Alright, it’s on. You’re all going down!”

“Could someone at least first tell me what to do?”

“…Fine, listen up.”

  *Jack

 “Well?” Jack asked as soon as they were on the other side of the portal, out of earshot.

“They’re alright, I guess,” Chris shrugged. “And the food was great.”

“I know, right?” Jack grinned.

He opened the door to the hallway.

“I haven’t seen you relax much, though.”

“Would you be relaxed if I put you in a room full of my friends?”

“Depends on whether they’ve brought weapons. And I thought you said the hunters weren’t your friends?”

“…They’re not. Well, maybe some of them. But those are exceptions.”

When they entered the living room, Chris looked disoriented for a moment when he noticed it was still light outside. Jack had gotten used to it by now, both because he’d travelled by portal so much and because his power helped him adjust. Now if it would only stop giving him headaches…

Chris regarded him with suspicion when he took out the pill bottle Tharryn had given him.

“What’s that?”

“Just something for my headache,” he explained while getting some water.

Chris followed him to the kitchen and lingered in the doorway.

“That bad, huh?”

“Yep. Cheating comes at a price,” he shrugged, after taking his pill.

“Then… don’t?”

“Nah. Where’s the fun in that?”

“It would surely have been more fun for me…”

“Aww… sore loser, are you?”

He playfully punched Chris’ arm.

“When I’m the only one without powers, yes, I am!”

“Patrick doesn’t have powers, and she still managed to beat you. And I was the only one using mine to cheat, anyway.”

Chris sighed.

“Alright, alright. I suck, I admit it.”

“No, you don’t. You did great today.”

“Oh, now you’re being nice.”

“Shut up,” Jack mumbled.

It was true though. Even though he’d been on edge, Chris seemed to have enjoyed today. He hadn’t acted weird or hostile towards his friends, something he’d been having issues with regarding the agent Dai had assigned to be his contact. The two couldn’t stand each other, but Jack suspected it was rather the authority Chris had a problem with, not the fact that the guy was a demon.

Jack lit a cigarette with a small flame he conjured.

“I promise we won’t be playing card games the next time I’m taking you along,” he said while moving to the couch in the living room.

Chris followed him but didn’t sit down. Instead he crossed his arms.

“When will that be? And more importantly: where?”

“It’s a surprise. But I won’t mind if you bring your weapons.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

Jack smiled mysteriously.

“Are we going to fight something? Is it some kind of mission?”

“You’ll see.”

Chris let out a frustrated sigh and started pacing.

“It’s a friend. He likes weapons,” Jack hinted, afraid the suspense might kill him. “Not guns, though. Blades and such. He has quite the collection.”

“Hmm, alright.”

Chris stopped pacing and sat down.

“I think I can handle that.”

Jack knew this would convince him. He’d seen the way he’d looked at the swords on Seb’s wall. Who knew, perhaps he could even learn a thing or two.

“So, wanna play a game where I at least can win?”

Chris pointed at the Xbox.

“Sure, but don’t think I’ll go easy on you,” Jack grinned while getting the controllers.

[concussed-to-pieces]

The Kindness; Part Nine

Fandom: Fallout (3)

Pairing: Female Lone Wanderer/Charon

Rating: Holy shit M.

AN: Number nine!

When he awoke, Spoon was gone. The panic that sprang into his chest because I remember what happened the last time I woke up alone was instantly crushed when he rolled over and spotted the note on her pillow.

  Dear Charon,

Enjoy a day off on me, okay? I left some caps so you can have fun. If you want when I get back we can talk wages and stuff. I'm not exactly sure how all this works with the contract, so you may have to guide me and shit. I didn't really want to ask before because I didn't want to insult you or anything, but I figured if I haven't pissed you off by now, why not?

  Oh! I'm at Moira's. Research stuff. Landmines. The usual.

  Love, Spoon .

  A strangled noise fought free from Charon's throat, his eyes fixed on the word. That one word.

  Love . Love?

  He was going to hyperventilate. This fucking smoothskin was going to kill him. Literally kill him. Charon flopped back onto the bed, note clenched tightly in his hand as he sucked in a few deep breaths. No need to get all...heaving-bosom bodice-ripper here. I can handle this. I can definitely handle this , he thought, berating himself for turning into a schoolgirl. She wanted to give him wages. She wrote love . These sudden equalizers weren't ever going to stop blindsiding him, were they?

  She gives me food and freedom, lets me talk and kill as I wish, and now...she wants to pay me? His mind continued to clamor. Charon grumbled under his breath, striding to his ( his! ) room and swapping out for a cleaner pair of pants and a greyish shirt. He experimentally sniffed both items before donning them, wincing a little self-consciously at the loud whistle from the intake of air through his nasal cavity. His nose had been the first thing to go, and while he didn't miss it , per se, he missed the normalcy it offered.

  Charon shook his head, turning and backtracking to Spoon's bedroom. He stared down at her bed for a long moment, taking in the rumpled sheets and thin blanket tangled up at the base. “ Wadsworth! ” He yelled.

  “Yes sir?!” The robot responded from almost directly behind him. Charon barely kept from jumping out of his skin.

  “Jesus fuck, scare the rest of it off me why don't you?” The ghoul snapped. “How does she normally make her bed?”

  “Ah, Madam doesn't normally make her bed. I usually try to once she's embarked on her next epic quest.” The robot extended its pincers by way of explanation. “The results range from catastrophic to...less catastrophic.” It heaved a mechanical sigh.

  Charon felt like it would be rude to laugh. He of all people could understand the irritation and absurdity of being a re-purposed killing machine. “Well uh,” He paused to clear his throat. “I'll do my best then.” Dammit, I am not having a heart-to-heart with a fucking rustbucket.

    “He's so tall, Spoon! I mean, how do you manage?” Moira asked, wide-eyed. “Don't even try to tell me you handle it no problem!”

  Spoon flushed under her tan, coughing into her cup of suspicious-smelling tea. Across from her at the large table covered in ammunition, Moira sighed and stared at her dreamily.

  “You're so lucky Spoon. He's so big, I mean his hands--!” Moira held up her own to illustrate the size difference. “His feet are huge! So lucky. Ugh.”

  Spoon was certain she was dying. Either from embarrassment or the tea that reeked a fair bit like burnt coffee. “It isn't...I mean, we haven't actually done anything.” She mumbled. “I don't even know whether he likes me or not, Moira, shit.”

  Moira gasped in disbelief. “Who could not like a loveable little man-thing like yourself? How could he resist?!”

  Spoon grunted under her breath, man-thing my ass. Keeping up the charade could be difficult when she was at home, but it was still miles safer than revealing the fact that she'd been a woman the whole time. “I dunno Moi, he's kind of...I suppose a nice word for it is stoic. He's not exactly a touchy-feely kind of ghoul like Gob.”

  “Well clearly you just need to dial up the charm!” Moira said brightly.

  Spoon suddenly got an insane image of herself in a white sundress with her hair cascading everywhere and where the fuck did 'cascading' come from are you shitting me what the fuck is in this tea fuck's sake --

  “--a better hat maybe, or some nicer pants. Guys are suckers for a nice pair of pants.” Moira continued to ramble.

  Spoon jerked her attention back around to the conversation at hand, stowing the sundress image away for another time. “No, guys are suckers for pretty girls and boys. Not me, Moi. I'm all grungy...wait. Do you have any soap? Do you sell soap that isn't fucking Abraxo?” Spoon leaned across the table, eyes abruptly intense as she was struck with an idea.

  Moira gulped. “Um. Yes? I think I have some from the traders, it's uh...lilac or lobelia or something?” She replied weakly.

  Spoon bolted out of her seat, already fumbling for her caps pouch. “Gimme a bar or two, would you? I'll clean up, shave the face, the whole nine yards. I know you're not supposed to change for people but...” She trailed off ruefully, making Moira laugh.

  “It's okay if it's for hygienic purposes!” The redhead finished for her, scrambling off to the backroom to find Spoon the soap.

  ...

  It was lavender soap. Spoon clutched it in her pocket the whole way home, praying that Charon had taken the caps and headed out for a while. “Charon?” She called as she opened the front door, grinning when she got no response. “Wads!”

  “Yes Madam?” Wadsworth replied, floating carefully down the stairs to where Spoon was stripping off her duster and hat.

  “Make sure no one comes in. Except Charon, of course. I gotta take a bath.” She explained.

  The robot's servos hummed. “Certainly Madam! I'll purify you some bath water, shall I?”

  “Yes please, thanks so much Wads.” Spoon said gratefully.

  “One is glad to be of service, naturally.”

  The robot managed to create three decent-sized buckets of lukewarm, purified water before his condensation unit started to rattle. Spoon smiled, folding her clothes beside her tiny bathtub. She unwrapped the soap almost reverently, saving the brown paper for later. Then she poured one bucket into her battered washtub, and hopped in with a quiet squeal at the chillier temperature. Resting her folded shirt on the tub's metal rim and pulling the second bucket close, she carefully leaned her hair back into it. She just sat there for a little while, luxuriating in the feeling of the clean, cool water on her skin. She rubbed her damp, soapy fingers against her scalp with a contented sigh. It was almost enough to lull her to sleep.

    Charon carefully opened the front door. The sunlight was pouring through the cracks in the walls again, indicating the time to be late afternoon. Wadsworth floated by with a chipper (if oddly quiet) greeting, and Charon found himself nodding to the damn thing before beginning upstairs. He had seen Spoon's duster and hat by the door, so he knew she was home. Maybe napping, if Wadsworth's lack of cheery volume was any indicator.

  The things in the bag in his hand creaked under the pressure of his nervous grip, and he eased off slightly. This is a bad idea, he scolded himself. Spoon didn't seem the vain type, but the seven small metal beads had sparkled teasingly at him from the merchant's wares and he had bought them without a second thought. “Spoon?” He knocked on her bedroom door, and didn't get an answer. Gingerly, Charon pushed the door open. To his terrified dismay the door 'squeaked' loudly in protest, making the tall ghoul cringe and feel rather awkward...much less than suave and confident, at any rate. What he saw next though, made him instantly forget how clumsy he felt.

  SpoonSpoonSpoonSpoonSpoon--

  It cycled through his head like a siren blaring as he stared down at the smoothskin. She had crammed herself into a tiny washbasin, her hair trailing over the side half-in half-out of another bucket next to her. The gentle, all-encompassing scent of lavender still hung in the air, mixed with something that Charon abruptly realized was Spoon's definitive female smell .

  His throat worked against some odd emotion he couldn't name.

  She was obviously asleep, body curled and face slack against the side of the tub. Charon knelt beside her, feeling almost like he shouldn't be here. But oh God he was here , and he wouldn't trade this moment for anything. A comb lay atop a neatly folded pile of clean clothes on the battered metal floor next to the basin, and it gave Charon an idea.

  The ghoul carefully began to squeeze the excess water out of her long hair back into the little bucket, unmindful of how wet his clothes were getting as he sat down on the floor behind the basin. He scooted the bucket out of the way to keep her hair from falling back in to the now-dirty water.

  With shaking fingers Charon started to untangle Spoon's hair. The beads, tucked neatly into their tiny bag, lay beside him until the opportune moment.

    Someone is...someone is combing my hair , Spoon's mind purred, and she moaned quietly at the feeling that was slowly rousing her from her unplanned nap. “Mmmm, this has to be a dream.”

  “It can be if you'd like, smoothskin.” A blush seared across Spoon's cheeks and she hunched down in the tub, abruptly awake and rather ashamed of her actions. Behind her, Charon gave a chuckle that made her stomach drop out while continuing to fiddle with her hair. “It's okay. I remember doing this for someone before. Before the...the mental conditioning, I think. Maybe during though. I don't know.” He muttered quietly.

  “It's wonderful.” Spoon stated bluntly, ignoring the flush that was darkening her shoulders and neck to a sunburned crimson. “Thank you.”

  They sat quietly for a while, Spoon's ears picking up tiny clinking sounds that made her brow furrow, until Charon sighed heavily. “Look smoothskin, about the wages thing...” Charon began, his fingers hesitating in her hair.

  Spoon's heart sank. She flopped her arms over the sides of the tub and was startled to meet a leg on either side. She was quite literally nestled between his thighs. Her fingers automatically contracted, leaving wet prints on the fabric of his pants. “Lay it on me, big guy. I can handle it.” She mumbled, knowing that she sounded dejected. And this is where he asks me to let him go.

  “Spoon wages aren't...they aren't part of the contract. Normally, the master or mistress provides me with whatever they deem necessary for my survival, and in turn theirs.” Charon paused. “I am not...there's nothing in the contract that says I can't have wages, it's just never been brought up and I don't know how to proceed. I am lost here Spoon.”

  Well, that's better than what I thought! Spoon thought excitedly, clearing her throat. “Would you rather that you just tell me when you need or want something? Would that be easier for you, contractually speaking?”

  Charon's arms suddenly slung around her, gripping her from behind in a tight embrace. Spoon tensed up, but then began to relax when she realized Charon was hugging her. “I'll take that as a yes, then!” She grinned. “Whatever makes you comfortable and happy, big guy.”

    She's so soft and clean. She smells like lavender, lavender everywhere. What I would give...

  Charon nodded against the top of her head, sighing in relief at her agreement. Spoon shifted underneath his arms, half turning so she could return what even he thought was an oddly-enthusiastic hug. She pressed up against his chest, nestling into him. The beads in her hair clicked softly. Charon's breath caught in his throat when she moved to face him; the ghoul instantly shut his eyes and buried his face in her hair with a barely-stifled groan.

  You're going to kill me, smoothskin. And I'm not going to mind one bit.

  Charon eyes shot open when a hand gently touched his face. “You can look, if you'd like. You don't have to hide from me.” Spoon murmured. Her voice was so quiet, with just a tinge of teasing. Charon met her gaze, surprised when he saw nothing but interest and maybe...maybe something more.

  “Spoon I...” Don't do this to yourself. Don't do this. 'Us' isn't something that happens to me. 'We' doesn't exist. Master and servant. Employer and employee. I am not an equal. I am not an equal. I--

  Charon's mind began to spin in a frantic circle and he crushed her to his chest in a fierce, almost territorial grip. “I'm terrified.” He choked out. “I'm fucked up and I'm broken and I'm so, so afraid. What do I do, Mistress?”

  I have never been this scared. I have never felt this way before. It's driving me fucking crazy, it's exhausting, I need guidance, help me Mistress helCONTRACT HOLDER GIVE ORDERS CONTRACT HOLDER GIVE--

    Spoon could feel him panicking, his heart racing against her cheek and fingers twitching on her back while his breath came in short, raspy bursts. He seemed to be avoiding meeting her eyes, fixated on a point across the room.

  “Hey.” Was all she could think to say before gently cradling Charon's face in her palms.

  His pupils were dilated, alarmingly huge and black behind the faded blue film of his eyes. He had bared his teeth and now his breath hissed in and out through them. Charon leaned into her hands, making her wince with how hard he knocked his forehead against her own.

  “Breathe for me, please?” Spoon requested finally, somewhat unsettled by the ghoul's sudden silence.

  Charon nodded sluggishly, licking at the corner of his mouth nervously before replying, “Yes, Mistress.”

  “Charon, don't...um. I mean. I really wish you wouldn't call me that. You can if you want,” or if you need to, “but I really wish you wouldn't.”

  “Mistress.” Charon practically purred the word, and Spoon was ashamed of the delicious shudder that ran up her spine at his tone. “Why did you write love on your note?”

  “Um.” Spoon suddenly felt much more naked than her state of current undress could attest to, the ghoul effectively pinning her with the weight of his question. She shrank back in her now thoroughly cooled tub, muttering a swear when Charon followed. One of his hands 'plunk'ed into the tepid water (narrowly missing her leg), the other braced on the side as he shifted his body into a crouching position.

  “Mist--Spoon. Why?” The predatory look on his face fled, something softer taking its place. He was begging now, and it made her feel like she was wallowing in guilt.

  “Because I care about you, you giant fucker.” Spoon mumbled, looking down in embarrassment while she began to blush bright red. “Shut up, don't you dare tease me. Oh God-” His mouth pressed to hers, swallowing whatever else she might have said. A fantastic static in Spoon's mind took over, her own breathing sounding so loud. He's kissing me. He's kissing me! “Wow, Charon...” She managed when he finally drew back.

  She was unprepared for the low, drawn-out groan that issued from him.“ God, smoothskin.” The sudden heat that pooled in her abdomen was almost enough to make her shiver. Charon leaned in again, firmly planting his arms in the water on either side of her body. He seemed to be hell-bent on kissing her breathless, and Spoon was happy to oblige.

    Precious smoothskin, he was precious to this smoothskin, and that thought alone had Charon moaning into her mouth. Spoon made noises of her own, hers shyer than his but no less genuine for their lack of volume. “You...care for me?” Charon murmured finally, heartened by her enthusiastic response to his kisses.

  Spoon nodded wildly, flushing and drawing her knees up to her chest. Well, closer to her chest, anyway. She was already almost folded in half in the tiny tub. Charon dared to put a hand on her shoulder, still shocked when Spoon didn't pull away. She practically did the opposite, tugging on the hem of his shirt. “Please?”

  Charon hesitated for a minute. “It...it ain't that pretty smoothskin. I don't want to...uh. It might be easier if I just left my shirt on?”

  It'll scare you. I'm ugly as fuck, smoothskin.

  His fumbling words hung in the air between them for a minute before Spoon huffed out a frustrated breath. “I want to see you, if you'll let me.” She said carefully, her hands now just resting on his shirt hem. “I understand if you don't want me to see, but please don't leave it on if you're worried about what I'll think.”

  Charon swallowed hard. “H...How can I not be worried, Spoon? It's no secret you're damn important to me already. Not because you're my...my mistress, but because you take care of me like no one ever has. And...and I'm gonna' sound like a giant bitch if I let this train keep rolling.” He grumbled.

  “Well, it's just me here. And you know I don't give a flying fuck.” Spoon grinned, “Spill it, you big bitch.”

  Charon snarled halfheartedly, the noise dissolving too quickly into a wry smile to be anywhere near effective. He settled for peeling his shirt off instead of continuing his train of thought. The way Spoon's cheeks reddened was incredibly gratifying.

    “Well?” The giant ghoul rumbled.

  Spoon picked her jaw back up, inching forward in her tub. “Can I...?” She trailed off, looking up for permission. She saw some kind of internal struggle quickly get snuffed out before Charon nodded.

  “Just...slowly.” He warned, an odd note in his voice. “Last thing you want is a residual kicking in and me snapping your wrist off 'accidentally' because I think you're trying to steal my damn dinner tray.”

  “Yes, sir!” Spoon tentatively reached out her hand, hearing (and feeling) a deep inhale as she made contact with the taut skin of Charon's chest. “This okay?” She asked, waiting for the nod before she continued with her other hand. Fingers splayed on Charon's ragged skin, questing curiously across the unfamiliar terrain that was her ally, partner, and perhaps even more than that. The ghoul hissed out a breath through his teeth. His fists clenched and unclenched in the water on either side of Spoon. Spoon looked up with a thoughtful frown. “You can touch me too, y'know.” She said quietly. “I really wouldn't mind it one bit.”

  “That's...it's alright?” Charon asked thickly, his hand on her thigh almost before he had finished speaking.

  “You trust me, I'll trust you.” The woman answered simply, rising on her knees out of the tub. She fidgeted as Charon stilled. It was a rather small tub. But that thought fled her mind as the ghoul's fingers skimmed up her sides, making her squeak with the light touch. His hands were shaking somewhat as she carefully cupped them in her own. “Hey, big guy?” Charon's eyes snapped up to hers, his expression dazed. Spoon smiled gently at him. “Are you okay, Charon?”

  He held her close again, nodding into her neck. There was silence for a few minutes while Spoon let herself be embraced. “I'm actually...I'm a lot better than okay, smoothskin.”

Part Ten

[lokidiabolus]

Tough Life In Andromeda

Fandom: Mass Effect: Andromeda

Pairing: Liam Kosta x Scott Ryder

Warnings: bi!Liam, spoilers for certain points in the game

Summary: Liam had dreams for the life in Andromeda. They shattered the moment they arrived and everything went crazy, but giving up was not his forte. Scott was there to lead them, strong and maybe a little broken, and Liam decided supporting him fully was the only important goal at the moment - if only Scott goddamn let him.

Can be found on Ao3.

Unbetad!

Liam

Coming to Andromeda usually made people think about new beginnings. At least most of them, at some point, decided Milky Way had nothing to offer anymore, or that there were too many bad memories or problems they wanted to escape from.

Liam thought about it a lot. He kept on mauling over it even when it was too late, when Andromeda had them in its clutches and tirelessly fired obstacles here and there to make it extra difficult – as if the fact none of the golden worlds worked out and it spread a wide-range panic among the people was not enough. Not to mention the lost arcs and Kett trying to kill them on every corner, planets being unsavoury at the best and unliveable at the worst, people still in cryo, Jien Garson meeting her fate before all of this even began and in the midst of it: them, a small Pathfinder team, roughly decimated on the first hello, stripped of the Pathfinder himself, putting his daughter in coma and leaving Kirkland dead.

If Liam was an optimist – and he usually was, if there was at least small hope he could push for – he would say hey, at least we are still alive? Which was undoubtedly true, just… this shit was hard. Quite frankly he wasn’t even at the peak of the receiving end, maybe somewhere at the side of it, and he still felt the pressure digging to his sides and to his back and then pushing down on his shoulders, attempting to discourage.

And if he felt like this – shitty, in one word – how Scott must have felt? Scott Ryder, who in one day lost his father, whose sister remained in coma, who from a member of the Pathfinder team became Andromeda’s humanity only hope?

No pressure.

And Liam was there, watching him from the very start, from a wide-eyed dreamer to a shocked disbeliever who had to bear the weight of the whole Nexus, the whole damn Hyperion with 20.000 lives riding on him. And the change wasn’t even slow, it was like a tornado, one moment he was gasping for breath, asking about Alec, and then Cora’s stance about him inheriting the title that belonged to her by default, and the other pressing forward, not giving up, never giving up.

And Liam would be damned if he didn’t support the attitude, man! He just wasn’t sure how exactly the bravado worked for their Pathfinder when the door to his cabin closed.

***

KOSTA.L >>> Can’t sleep, Pathfinder?

RYDER.S <<< Was sleep an option? I haven’t got the memo.

KOSTA.L >>> You should have read both sides of the brochure, man.

RYDER.S <<< I haven’t read it all. Sara roped me into it.

KOSTA.L >>> That’s some persuasive skills she has. I couldn’t rope you into getting me those movies and I really, really tried.

RYDER.S <<< They’re on the list, Kosta. I didn’t forget.

KOSTA.L >>> Could have fooled me.

RYDER.S <<< Thank you for the voice of confidence. I’ll sign my half-naked photos in the dock bay of Nexus next Friday.

KOSTA.L >>> Next Friday? You’re breaking my heart.

RYDER.S <<< What heart?

KOSTA.L >>> Ha.

RYDER.S <<< Was there anything else, except of the movies complaint?

KOSTA.L >>> It wasn’t a complaint, man.

RYDER.S <<< Could have fooled me.

Liam sighed and closed the private chat. The thing with Scott Ryder was like this: it didn’t work. Or it did, but only by the power of the sheer will. They clicked well on the battlefield, Liam had to admit. They even talked when they met on the Tempest – or Nexus – but it was all so… stiff. Like Ryder had thousands of barriers around himself that were password locked and Liam didn’t have the key to them, no matter how hard he tried to encrypt the guy. Sure, they weren’t enemies, they actually kept it civil and, well, normal, but Liam felt the edge of Ryder’s tolerance pressing every time he attempted to get closer.

He would say it was an obvious reaction for somebody who lost all the remaining family and got put in charge of something he never wanted to lead. Stress, hurt, pain – those things were very well known to Liam, he knew how to deal with them when somebody showed the symptoms. But with Ryder none of them worked, more like the opposite. He remained static and there for everybody reaching out to him (and they were reaching out, numerous voices, everywhere he went, there was a new request, new inquiry, even accusations that had to cut deep), but he didn’t let anybody breach the bubble.

Liam stared to the wall for a moment, the hum of the ship core seeping into his mind, and then let out another sigh, whipping the private channel open once more.

KOSTA.L >>> Seriously though. Don’t push yourself too hard.

RYDER.S <<< I don’t push myself at all, who told you that? Effortless on my part, trust me. Others push me just enough.

“Yeah, they do,” Liam mumbled unhappily, his fingers hovering above the omni tool. Seriously, all his attempts failed. Asking about Sara? She’s fine, just a sleepy head. Give her a rest. About being a Pathfinder? I suck at searching for stuff, what’s your point? The Nexus? Ugh, Kosta, stop ruining my day more than it is already.

So yeah. Breaking the shell was not an option with Ryder, he dodged it every time. He never lashed out though, never told him to stuff it, but he also never really gave him a satisfying answer of his own emotions, or opinions on that matter. Just like out of the book.

KOSTA.L >>> Okay. Try to get some sleep, Ryder. Night.

RYDER.S <<< Yeah, thanks.

I will try, Liam read the invisible line, and settled deeper into the couch. The annoying useless feeling of not being helpful to anybody here was eating him up alive.

***

“Baby it’s Voeld outside~.”

“I suppose humans don’t like cold very much,” Jaal pointed out and Ryder’s teeth chattered when a strong wind pushed from the side on their way to the slowly revealing Vault. The weather on Voeld had been deadly cold, same as living on an unfriendly piece of ice and sadness could go, but it had its charms too. Liam thought a lot about a possible outpost here, of people huddling together for warmth in houses, drinking hot tea and coffee, or maybe cocoa if somebody had that, or asking themselves if living in such a freezing wasteland was worth it.

Liam liked it, sort of. The cold was a bother, but nobody could say Voeld wasn’t in its way beautiful.

“Really? What gave us away?” The sarcasm dripped from Ryder’s voice in deadly drops and Jaal had the nerve to actually shrug at it. Liam really enjoyed having this guy around, that for sure.

“I suppose Ryder forgot to pack warmer undies,” he interjected with a small laugh and Ryder sent him a glare. The loud roaring of the Vault finally died out and it was pretty apparent Ryder didn’t even hesitate before rushing towards it, to at least a little warmer environment, as SAM helpfully announced while they entered the wide door and darkness engulfed them.

“As if warmer undies could save me from having frostbite here,” he heard their Pathfinder huff into the silence and followed his steps towards the gravity well. “Dibs on the shower once we’re back on the Tempest.”

“Aww.”

Ryder didn’t stop even when activating the freefall and Liam felt the tingling sensation hitting his spine as they slowly moved down through the floors. It was hard to tell with all the armour on how exactly was Ryder holding up, but as long as his somewhat bitter humour kept on flowing, Liam still could stay at ease.

“You look like you don’t mind though, Jaal,” he commented when their feet reach the floor again and Jaal silently looked around, probably seizing the options if things went south. Liam could tell this guy had an amazing tactical thinking and that was why he liked him so much. Plus the banter, of course.

“The cold?” the Angara glanced at Liam questioningly and he nodded. “No, not really. It is not the ideal setting, yes. But we adapt very fast.”

“Way to make me jelly over here,” Ryder mumbled and a quiet sneeze filled the hall. Liam snorted. “Don’t say anything.”

“Would never,” Liam raised his hands and Ryder stiffly moved towards the first console to activate to open them a path.

Does not fancy cold, got it.

“Alright. Let’s get this place up and running,” he heard him say and he door towards their soon sprinting exercise opened up. Liam already felt his heart beating like a drum.

***

KOSTA.L >>> Good job on Voeld, Ryder.

RYDER.S <<< You already told me that. Four times.

KOSTA.L >>> Never hurts to say it a bit more?

RYDER.S <<< Sure.

“Okay, no change, I guess,” Liam stared at the unhappy answers with a cringe. He thought of adopting more familiar approach, of course he did, but somehow couldn’t do it with Ryder being so distant all the time. Would feel weird and probably unwelcomed for both of them and nobody needed that. Not like with Jaal where being familiar sort of clicked – as well as throwing low-key insults around just for the fun of it. They kind of excelled in the fashion.

“In what?” Jaal interrupted his thoughts from the workbench and Liam closed the private channel with a sigh. “You keep sighing when you’re on board of the Tempest. Is that some kind of custom I’m not aware of?”

“I hope not,” Liam mumbled and returned back to the armour he had been poking in. There were adjustments he wanted to make, but the concentration wasn’t really great lately. He blamed Tann for it – if anything else, he could always ensure cringing moments. “I’m just trying something.”

“Something?” Jaal turned around, facing him with curious expression and Liam had to admit it would be rather unfair to keep him in a vague zone while doing things like these under his nose. So he shrugged, glanced shortly at him and then back at the armour.

“Trying to find out what makes Ryder tick,” he elaborated quietly. “Want to be of some use to him, but… he doesn’t respond to anything.”

“He reacts to you well enough when you talk,” the Angara pointed out obviously. “What else do you mean by ticking?”

“Like…” Liam straightened up, thinking about it. “Like his comfort zones?”

Jaal watched him for a moment, apparently contemplating the answer, and then hummed.

“You want to get him to like you,” he offered and Liam snorted. That was the last thing Ryder needed, someone wooing him in the middle of this damn existential crisis – although Peebee was pretty much set on the flirting mode. But then again, she flirted with almost everybody, so Liam didn’t really judge.

Well, maybe just a little.

“No,” he shook his head and Jaal looked confused. “I mean. Damn, this is difficult to explain, man.”

“Try me,” Jaal made a gesture towards him and Liam scratched his head.

“You know, this whole Initiative thing had been a mess from the start and Ryder got the worst of it, literally,” he tried carefully. Nobody needed him painting a picture other could see differently and he wanted Jaal to make his own opinion on the whole thing. “And the Tempest and the crew are here to help him to ease the burden, somehow. I was in the crisis response; I know how people under stress think. And he must be under tons of it. But nothing I learned works. He keeps on being closed off.”

“That still sounds like you want him to like you,” Jaal deadpanned, making Liam groan.

“Let’s just leave it at this – I want to be there for him if anything, as a proper member of his team. As should anybody else. But more, like…”

“Him liking you.”

“Him trusting me,” Liam sent him a look. “So he doesn’t need to worry about being shot in the back. Or deceived, because I’d be there, his second set of ears and eyes. Things like these, you know?”

“Oh,” a sudden understanding flashed in Jaal’s big, sparkly eyes. “His right hand then. War related.”

“Yes,” Liam pointed at him victoriously, then deflated again. “But he doesn’t let me.”

“You work well together though,” Jaal opposed with another confusion settling on his features. “You offer opinion when needed. As far as I’ve seen, he listens. Often things like these are enough to save a life.”

“I meant it on a little more… wholesome level though,” Liam focused back at the armour. “Not just outside of the battlefield. But even here, on the Tempest, on the Nexus. If he needed to talk he’d know I’ll listen?”

“Maybe there is already somebody like this for him you’re not aware of,” Jaal pondered and hey, that never really occurred to Liam before. Maybe somebody else from the crew – or maybe not even from the crew, maybe it was a Nexus citizen or a person from Prodromos he could be talking with. That was… unexpected. Little weird.

“They’re doing a shitty job then,” he let out bitterly. “He doesn’t look any less stressed.”

He heard Jaal chuckle and before he could ask what was so funny, the Angara turned back to his work as well and simply stated:

“Yes, you just want him to like you.”

***

Liam was livid. His body thrummed, his mind reeled. He wasn’t sure what was the strongest emotion now – if it was fear, anger or sadness, but it mingled together almost painfully in his head. Exaltation made his skin itch and the conflict was here, palpable and painful – and even more so when watching Jaal being broken over it all the way they rushed through, to reach the Moshae. Ryder led them almost relentlessly, his hands clutching the rifle to the point of breaking, and there was so much Liam learned about him today.

Passionate. Caring. Maybe dangerously unaware of his own safety. Offering Jaal a moral support while his voice was breaking over the disgusting news that kept on flowing at them from all sides.

“You promised, Ryder!” Jaal was desperate and Liam felt like throwing up. The Cardinal was staring at them like an abomination, offering a deal that felt like a pact with a devil, and Moshae was so damn angry.

“You can’t leave this place standing!” she insisted and Liam’s hand itched on the trigger when pointing at the Cardinal. Ryder’s eyes were wide and breath coming out in short puffs and Liam seriously thought this was his breaking point. And the time was running so damn short.

He watched him waver and then skim his eyes towards Liam, almost pleading, unsure.

“I can’t let them all die,” he whispered and it pained Liam just to think of making such choice instead of him. “I…”

“Yeah,” he nodded firmly. I will back you up, he wanted to say, just couldn’t find the right words at that moment. Ryder gulped down heavily, his eyes lingering.

“Yeah,” Liam repeated, because it was the only thing he could say, and it seemed like it was enough, because Ryder gritted his teeth and put the rifle down.

“Deal,” he uttered coldly, staring back at the Cardinal. “Now release them.”

Liam noticed Moshae gasping behind them, but Jaal looked relieved and the Cardinal fulfilled his part of a bargain while retreating, seemingly grateful. Ryder closed his eyes for a while and took a deep breath though his nose, his shoulders shaking.

“Fuck my life,” Liam heard him saying quietly. “Fuck it sideways.”

***

It was quiet on the Tempest. Quiet, tense and sad. New information they learned had been processed and everybody dealt with it differently. Jaal, when not with the Moshae, preferred to be alone and Liam, even though it wasn’t personally touching his own species (yet, he thought, yet, until Kett decided humans would make another good set of Chosen), ended up secluded as well.

Andromeda hated them with passion. Hell, all the events screamed at them to begone, to leave this wretched place, and Liam didn’t understand. There had to be something. At least a small thing that would make sense, right? What would prove they didn’t make this one-way journey just to be slaughtered or exalted or starved to death.

But the more he thought about it, the less probable it appeared. And the worse he felt. Crisis response, yeah…

RYDER.S <<< No good job on Voeld coming my way today?

Liam blinked at the terminal and his stomach dropped. He had been mauling over his own emotions he completely forgot Ryder was getting the worst of it the whole time, alone.

KOSTA.L >>> Tough decision today on Voeld. I… don’t even know what to say.

RYDER.S <<< That I fucked up?

KOSTA.L >>> You didn’t fuck up, man.

RYDER.S <<< Moshae is super pissed. I don’t think she would let us to Aya’s Vault. I fucked up. I should have killed the Cardinal, should have let them to blow the place sky high.

KOSTA.L >>> No. You saved lives.

RYDER.S <<< Few lives for the cost of many in the future, being exalted.

KOSTA.L >>> No.

RYDER.S <<< I don’t even know why I’m writing you this shit. I just feel tired.

Liam sucked in a breath and shook his head. Ryder must have felt terrible and he was alone in it, and the hits kept on coming. How was he able to withstand it until now without breaking over?

KOSTA.L >>> Want me to come over? To talk?

RYDER.S <<< No.

KOSTA.L >>> Alright. But you know you can talk to me, Ryder. Anytime.

RYDER.S <<< Yeah.

KOSTA.L >>> I mean it.

RYDER.S <<< I know.

KOSTA.L >>> Okay. Get some sleep?

When no response came, Liam closed the terminal and flopped on the couch. Crisis response? Him? He couldn’t take care of anybody without making it worse.

He fell asleep nestled on the ugly couch right after and the exhaustion cut deep into his bones. He completely missed the beep on the terminal and slept all the way back to Aya.

RYDER.S <<< Thanks.

***

“I noticed you’re often taking position close to Ryder.”

Liam glanced back at Peebee walking behind them and then checked the perimeter while at it. Kadara was one of a hellhole. The water was on a damn fire.

“Could be,” he mumbled, hearing Peebee hum.

Oh yay, here it comes.

“Seems like a deliberate attempt to be the one protecting him,” she didn’t disappoint and Liam refused to look Ryder’s way. If he would demand an explanation, Liam didn’t have any. It wasn’t like he didn’t trust Peebee or anything, it was just… she was rather distracting. He didn’t want to risk it.

“He’s the Pathfinder,” he responded firmly, and quite frankly that answer felt hollow even to his own ears.

“You do that when you’re out with the others?” she hit the nail on the head and Liam rolled his eyes. Must she really, really nag into it in front of Ryder, who could hear everything? Seriously?

“Not so much,” he admitted, gritting his teeth and she made a weird noise in her throat. Maybe a laugh? Would suit her.

“I see,” she let out at the end and he expected her to take a place on Ryder’s left just to vex him, but she stayed put.

He was never happier for trouble they could shoot at finding them than he had been now.

***

RYDER.S <<< Having a beef with Peebee?

KOSTA.L >>> No?

RYDER.S <<< Just checkin’.

KOSTA.L >>> If you mean what she said today on Kadara, I have no idea.

RYDER.S <<< Mkay.

KOSTA.L >>> No idea at all.

RYDER.S <<< I hear you.

KOSTA.L >>> And I do that even when she’s not around.

RYDER.S <<< Having no idea at all?

KOSTA.L >>> Sticking close to you.

RYDER.S <<< Oh right. So you can protect my virtue.

KOSTA.L >>> What virtue.

RYDER.S <<< That hurts, Kosta.

KOSTA.L >>> You’ll bounce back. You always do.

RYDER.S <<< You’re officially uninvited from all my parties.

KOSTA.L >>> Pfff. You’d miss me :P

RYDER.S <<< Hm.

KOSTA.L >>> What?

RYDER.S <<< Didn’t have you as a guy who uses smileys.

KOSTA.L >>> Who do you think taught Vetra?

RYDER.S <<< …good point. I wanted to say Cora, but.

KOSTA.L >>> Pretty sure Cora knows only the Asari ones.

RYDER.S <<< How would you make a tentacle-like smiley?

KOSTA.L >>> (-:E ?

RYDER.S <<< Nerd.

KOSTA.L >>> You asked.

RYDER.S <<< Night.

KOSTA.L >>> Night, Ryder (-:E

RYDER.S <<< …k.

***

Liam noticed in the evening. It was lying on the table next to his unfinished work – a data pad that didn’t belong to him. He checked it with a raised eyebrow, just to realize it was full of Nexus’ downloaded movies, alphabetically sorted. Most of them were documentaries, as expected, but some of the titles were usable and that made Liam happy.

KOSTA.L >>> And the Pathfinder delivers.

RYDER.S <<< I told you I didn’t forget.

KOSTA.L >>> Thanks, man. For real.

RYDER.S <<< You owe me real coffee. And a steak.

KOSTA.L >>> What? Why am I the only one that has to pay?

RYDER.S <<< Who says you’re the only one? I make everybody pay for my services.

KOSTA.L >>> Uh huh.

RYDER.S <<< …forget I said anything?

KOSTA.L >>> Nuh uh.

RYDER.S <<< K. Just the coffee then.

KOSTA.L >>> I can arrange that.

RYDER.S <<< Cool.

***

„Oh?“

„I’ve looked everywhere, but I keep getting shut down,” Liam gestured unhappily and Vetra actually stopped what she had been doing. The fact she didn’t kick him out yet was a good sign. “But you and your contacts…? I mean, please, Vetra.”

“Coffee beans, huh,” she repeated his request thoughtfully. He wouldn’t be as surprised if she would tell him no – they usually fought after all, but he still had hope she was a bigger person than him. “What a luxury.”

“It’s not for me,” he assured her and it seemed to make her curious. “But it’s important. Also, a secret.”

“Not for you and a secret,” she nodded, her eyes not leaving him for a second. “An expensive gift then?”

“Whatever it takes,” Liam agreed. He didn’t care about credits, not at this point.

“Very sweet of you,” she purred and at that moment Liam realized what she must have thought. Before he could explain, she patted him on the shoulder and shooed him out of the door.

***

“And Mr. Kosta delivers.”

“I had some help,” Liam admitted when the steaming cup of coffee that smelled like heaven finally touched the table, right in front of Ryder.

“With coffee?” the Pathfinder raised an eyebrow until the aroma hit him and his eyes widened. “Real coffee?!”

“As real as it can get,” Liam agreed and somehow felt proud about it, even though most of the work was on Vetra. He really couldn’t thank her enough (and even though she asked for a favour in the future, he was ready to sell his soul if needed) for all the inquiries she had to make to get this. He made a mental oath with himself to never mention anything about Sid in front of her ever again.

“I… don’t know what to say?” Ryder stared at the mug with shock written all over his face. “That had to cost you a fortune, jesus.”

“A favour for a favour?” Liam shrugged and boldly took a seat next to the man. Ryder didn’t seem to mind. “I’m glad if it helps.”

“You’re really something,” Ryder glanced back at him with a small smile and then pulled the mug closer. “Thank you.”

***

Liam learned their Pathfinder took the coffee black and bitter, never fancied sweets as much as Sara did, and his quarters had AC/DC playing when he entered, per his request.

 Scott

The requests were never-ending. He managed to please one person with a detour to get what they wanted, or they needed, and another five or them popped up, asking for things, for services, for closure. And Scott was so bad at saying no he rather pulled over with the Nomad just to investigate a ruin of a house for data to extract, or drove around the whole damn Eos to put up a beacon project that was left unfinished, instead of shutting them all down.

Nobody from his crew said anything to him. They followed and supported him and maybe if they did put up a protest, he would reconsider. But nobody did, and if Kosta was in the ground team at the moment, he would even encourage him further.

Sly weasel.

At some point being a Pathfinder paid off though. When the results started pouring in, he always felt accomplished, like what he had been doing had a purpose. It started with Prodromos and then any other outpost they made – on Voeld, on Elaaden, on Kadara (he got lots of shit for that one, especially thanks to the Collective, thank you for nothing, Reyes, you damn lying bastard I still listen to anyway). Sure, it was not enough, as Addison always helpfully supplied, but it was a start.

He always thought at least those things would make his father to be proud. A little proud, if anything. And Sara would be able to wake up to a bit better place than to what they arrived at first as well, that counted for something.

Except she would be mad at him at first for lying to her about dad.

RYDER.S <<< You said you had a big family, right?

KOSTA.L >>> Sure did. We were like cockroaches. Although now, when I know about Angaran families, mine feel rather small.

RYDER.S <<< In that case mine is non-existent. I even got pitied for having only one sibling, like it was a total disaster.

KOSTA.L >>> Well, I’m sure Sara counts for two at least.

RYDER.S <<< True enough. Will tell her you said that once she wakes up, so most of the anger will point at you rather than me.

KOSTA.L >>> Ha, you sneaky Adhi!

KOSTA.L >>> There is nothing to be angry about tho, I mean, you did your best?

RYDER.S <<< Yeah, it’s not really about the Pathfinding job.

KOSTA.L >>> No?

RYDER.S <<< I talked to her today.

KOSTA.L >>> Wait, is she already up?!

RYDER.S <<< Nope, not yet. SAM created a mental link, so we could talk.

KOSTA.L >>> Wow. That’s so cool, man. How’s she holding up?

RYDER.S <<< She seems fine. A little confused, but fine. Couldn’t bring myself to tell her about dad tho, so…

KOSTA.L >>> Oh, that what you meant about her being angry.

RYDER.S <<< I thought telling her this and the failure with golden words… felt like a bit too much?

KOSTA.L >>> Yeah, I’d do the same.

RYDER.S <<< You would?

KOSTA.L >>> Definitely.

RYDER.S <<< That’s kinda a relief.

KOSTA.L >>> Good to know.

He didn’t know when exactly it happened, but being able to talk to Liam put his mind at ease every time. He couldn’t tell if anybody really noticed – he knew Peebee did when it came to Liam’s overprotectiveness, but could she see Scott’s dependency as well?

It wasn’t even the wisest choice, this guy. He was a hot head and maybe bit of an idealist, and even proved making deals behind his back (with good intentions that backfired, making Scott clean up his mess after). Of course, Liam always owned it, apologized and made it right, but it didn’t change anything about the fact he wasn’t the best advisor Scott could get for tough decisions.

And there were only tough decisions ahead of them – and Scott always looked for Liam’s opinion, no matter what. It could have been Cora. Hell, it should have been Cora – professional, independent, smart, his second-in-command. Maybe a bit too much by the book, but at least the diplomacy was on point, never pulling the gut feeling Scott usually operated at. And Liam too.

Even Lexi evaluated him as too sarcastic for his own good. If Cora was there, she would stop him from mortally offending all kinds of people just by few words he couldn’t hold in his mouth. But not Liam. Sure, he sometimes made a face, but usually just snickered and backed him up and… Scott liked it.

***

“I wouldn’t mind living on Eos.”

“Really, here?” Scott snorted, dangling his feet in the air, and Liam next to him shrugged. The light was slowly dimming from the horizon and the blinking hue of Prodromos under them felt sort of soothing.

“It’s calm now but still proves a challenge,” Liam elaborated, looking down on the outpost. “You never thought of settling down once this all is over?”

“What’s this all?” Scott tilted his head to the side. “You really think Addison will give me a rest at any point of my Pathfinder job? Even after hundreds of outposts she will still ride me like a prostitute.”

“Now that’s a mental picture I didn’t need,” Liam groaned but when Scott laughed, he joined him.

“Not to mention,” Scott pointed out bitterly. “The last time I checked my employee data on Nexus said my paid vacation is in 587 days.”

“Dude, that sucks,” Liam nudged him with a snort. “But hey, at least at some point you’re getting paid. Cuz we sure don’t get paid now.”

“We should probably riot,” Scott suggested and when Liam chuckled, he lay down on the dry, cracked ground and took a deep breath. The air on this planet finally smelled somehow right. “Thanks, Liam.”

“Hm?” the man glanced back at him, a small smile playing on his lips. “For dragging you out today?”

“For being you.”

What I’d even do here without you, I wonder.

***

The Archon’s ship was an absolute and total disaster. Except of the data about Meridian, all the rest just… blew it. Scott still couldn’t wrap his head around it, the consequences were coming to him slowly, creeping into his thoughts and under his eyelids when he closed his eyes.

They got the data. They lost Raeka. They saved the Krogan scouts. Scott died.

He… died. Again. Lexi was livid, she almost hit him over his head, especially when he tried to turn it into a joke. Everybody was tense and tiptoed around him, and he felt nothing. He should have been scared, right? He should have feared the power SAM had over his body. But he did not – it was like pressing a button and having game over before reloading to the last check point.

It wasn’t such a big deal, was it?

“I don’t remember hurting all over when I died for the first time, geez-,”

“Scott, this is not funny!”

He stopped, momentarily stunned by the raised voice Liam used, and turned back towards him. He looked angry – no, more like furious. He still had the armour on, like he had been trying to breathe it out until now without luck, and Scott probably never saw him this angry. Not even when they went for Verand and Liam had a fit there – no. This was over the top.

“You can’t treat this shit like some circus attraction, for fuck’s sake!” the raised voice remained and Scott felt himself gasping for air, even though he didn’t even send the signal to his brain for it. “What were you even thinking?! You can’t switch yourself on and off like a goddamn machine!”

“Oi,” Scott stopped him with a frown. “Are you for real here?”

“You died!” Liam hissed like he took a mortal offense in that and Scott seriously didn’t understand. “Such a stupid-,”

“Choose your words carefully, Liam,” Scott barked, cutting the man short. “Very carefully here.”

Liam deflated a little, visibly so, but the gleam in his eyes remained and Scott just didn’t have any strength left to play it nice. He was tired, he hurt everywhere and all the shit he got from all sides were beating him up to the pulp.

“Do you think I like dying all over again?” he breathed out, and it sounded angrier than he thought it would. “What else should have I done? Leave us there, let Archon take us as a fucking test subjects or exalt us? I. Made. My. Choice.”

“That-,”

“Nobody got hurt!” Scott interrupted whatever Liam wanted to say and his voice echoed through his cabin like a thunder.

“You did!” Liam returned the shout-fest unhappily and groaned. “Scott, you have to realize-,”

“No, I did my job,” he stopped Liam again, this time in almost too quiet voice. “And I’m used to people giving me shit about it. I really am. I just didn’t think I’d get it from you too.”

“Scott-,”

“Go.”

“Scott,” Liam took a step forward, but Scott put up a hand.

“Go, Liam.”

The swishing of the cabin doors sounded like an ultimatum at that time.

***

KOSTA.L >>> I wasn’t giving you shit about doing your job.

RYDER.S <<< I’m not going to talk about it.

KOSTA.L >>> Look, you gotta realize you may be fine with switching yourself off and on, but you don’t need to watch it.

RYDER.S <<< Seriously? I’m dead but should be grateful I’m on the audience end? Really???

KOSTA.L >>> Imagine watching Sara die, ffs.

RYDER.S <<< What’s your damn point, Kosta?

KOSTA.L >>> Nothing. I guess. Forget it.

RYDER.S <<< WHAT’S YOUR DAMN POINT!

“For fuck’s sake, this guy,” Scott growled when no answer came and the indicator showed that Liam closed the channel. “I can’t have one day without a drama here. SAM!”

“Yes, Pathfinder?” At least SAM’s voice was calm like always.

“Where is Liam? On the ship, I mean.”

“Cargo bay, Pathfinder.”

Naturally.

It probably wasn’t the wisest decision Scott could have made – he knew very well trying to solve things when angry resulted only in even worse outcomes, from experience. Not only it worked that way in his family (he remembered how him and Sara always fought and neither of them wanted to back down when their blood was boiling, so the clashes were terrible, especially when they were around 15 years old), but in Andromeda it served just as well.

The knowledge itself wasn’t enough to stop him though and his legs still carried him towards the cargo bay like a missile. When the door to the Liam’s hideout opened with a soft swoosh, Scott was already reaching his boiling point.

Liam looked startled for a second, but recovered fairly fast, putting the data pad he had been holding back on the table.

“Wouldn’t think it would make you come here just to demand an explanation,” he stated and Scott growled in the back of his throat. No matter how tired he was, the adrenaline probably kicked him back into action without questions. “Which I was trying to give to you twice and you didn’t listen.”

“So far all you said was a bag of dicks,” Scott uttered and refused to listen to the impulse to come closer to the man. He would probably punch him for another weird remark about audience. His only luck was there had been a couch and a table between them. “And trust me, I’d leave you to your moping, but I need you ready. So let’s talk it out.”

“I’m not moping,” Liam opposed and his calm made Scott even angrier. “And I’ll deal.”

“Liam, spill the beans,” Scott urged him impatiently. “If you have a problem with how I handle things-,”

“No,” Liam stopped him with a sigh. “I respect your decisions. This whole shitstorm… look. I watched you die twice. One more time and I’ll call the hierarchy for an emotional abuse.”

“Again with the dying?”

“What if next time you decide it’s no biggie to die you won’t come back?” there was a weird strain in Liam’s voice now. “It took SAM several tries to bring you back.”

“Well-,”

“What if next time it won’t work at all?”

“Are you worried about me?” It came to Scott suddenly when he noticed the tired eyes Liam had, and the restless posture he sported when usually he was like a statue, calm and composed.

“Yes!” the answer came in a short burst and then Liam was moving, circling the table and the couch so he could stand in front of Scott, his shoulders stiff and eyes intense. “My god, do you think I’d claw the roof if I wasn’t?!”

“Well, you were always bit of a social justice warrior…” Scott trailed off and almost jumped out of his skin when Liam’s hands squeezed his face between them, forcing him to looks straight into Liam’s eyes. Very furious, very deep brown eyes that seemed to want something.

“Scott, you have to promise me you won’t do this ever again. Please,” Liam said, his voice low, and Scott felt his heartbeat quicken.

“Pathfinder, your heart rate sped up, do you want me to alert Dr. T’Perro?”

“Not now, SAM,” Scott hissed. He could feel the pulse in his head, quick and a little panicked, but definitely not dangerous. He was alive at least, and it probably made Liam to think this too, because his hands dropped to the sides of Scott’s neck like he was checking for it.

“That’s some crazy beat though,” Liam mumbled, his thumb brushing against Scott’s pulse point, and it sent shivers down Scott’s spine. “For me?”

“No, the guy behind you, smartass,” Scott grumbled and it made Liam chuckle, finally looking more relaxed. The touch stayed though. “So are you going to kiss me or do we stand here for a while longer like two bros?”

This time Liam barked out a laugh and let go, leaving Scott with a rather disappointing bitterness on the tip of his tongue. Well, he was never really good at guessing people’s intentions – or orientation on that matter, so maybe it shouldn’t have been such a surprise.

“Like two bros he says,” he heard the man chuckling and realized he had been cleaning up the sofa from all the armour parts he apparently threw at it before. When the place was empty, he turned back to Scott and offered his hand.

“Uh,” Scott looked at the hand, then at the couch and back at the hand again. “This is not an invitation to build a pillow fort, is it?”

“No pillows,” Liam stated if it wasn’t obvious enough. “I’m not going to ravish you either.”

“Damn, wrong door then,” Scott mockingly took a step back and Liam stepped closer instead, still playing the game. When his invitation wasn’t withdrawn even at that point, Scott took a hold of the hand and let Liam pull him back towards the couch where he sat down and dragged Scott atop of him without any effort, locking his hands on the small of Scott’s back.

“There,” he said victoriously. “Comfortable, bro?”

“Jesus,” Scott rolled his eyes, but laughed anyway. Liam was solid and warm and it was seriously too easy to just dip his head and capture the inviting lips in a kiss.

***

KOSTA.L >>> What else did you think I was? Just nagging you for the sport of it?

RYDER.S <<< I’m used to people nagging me for the sport of it. I learned I’m an easy target for that.

KOSTA.L >>> Seriously, Scott?

RYDER.S <<< I already promised I won’t do it again. I’m sure an emotional abuse would look really bad in my file.

KOSTA.L >>> As if you ever cared what’s in your file. But what I mean by all this – don’t do it again. Please.

RYDER.S <<< Hm.

KOSTA.L >>> What?

RYDER.S <<< Never thought you’re a type to beg, Kosta.

KOSTA.L >>> You don’t know lots of things about me yet, Ryder.

RYDER.S <<< Yet, huh.

KOSTA.L >>> Yeah. But to know me better is your own choice. Just saying I’m willing to share.

RYDER.S <<< I am, um. Willing. To share stuff too.

KOSTA.L >>> To share stuff…

RYDER.S <<< Don’t make fun of me. I’m very sensitive.

KOSTA.L >>> You?

RYDER.S <<< I was the girl in the family, ask Sara.

KOSTA.L >>> Pfff. Go to sleep, Scott.

RYDER.S <<< Oh well, if you insist.

He was tempted to write come give me a good night kiss, but stopped himself in the middle of it. He wasn’t sure if Liam would really deliver in this case, but he could always dream.

***

KOSTA.L >>> How is it going over there?

RYDER.S <<< Depends.

KOSTA.L >>> On?

RYDER.S <<< Do you think Salarian’s neck are easily breakable?

KOSTA.L >>> Tann?

RYDER.S <<< He looks very breakable. But also a little too rubbery. Maybe he’d just stretch to infinity. That would be a bummer, he’d be everywhere.

KOSTA.L >>> Thank you for that eerie mental image.

RYDER.S <<< You’re welcome, I don’t like to suffer alone. At least the rest of Pathfinders is here as well.

KOSTA.L >>> They good?

RYDER.S <<< Pretty solid. Damn the flex Avitus is doing sometimes…

KOSTA.L >>> I mean mentally good. Jesus.

RYDER.S <<< Nothing bad with a nice Turian flex, Kosta.

KOSTA.L >>> Remind me why do I like you again?

RYDER.S <<< Oho. You like me? Now that’s news.

KOSTA.L >>> News, really.

RYDER.S <<< I’m shocked beyond comprehension.

KOSTA.L >>> I think I’ve changed my mind.

RYDER.S <<< From my point of view you probably never really liked me anyway, you just thought it would be fun to rile me up.

KOSTA.L >>> I do think it would be fun to rile you up.

RYDER.S <<< I see right through you.

KOSTA.L >>> Cute.

RYDER.S <<< Always.

“Ryder, if you can please focus,” Tann’s voice made him look up, just to realize everybody had been staring at him.

“Sorry,” he closed the private channel and cleared his throat. “So, the Meridian?”

***

„Cutting the convo in the middle, you have no manners.”

Scott smirked, turning towards the voice coming from behind him. Liam was standing there with a data pad, looking pretty civil, like he was waiting for Scott to get back. It was kind of… sweet.

“Tann was onto me,” Scott offered. “Didn’t want to end up without a data pad and standing in a corner like in school while others would say oh yeah, Ryder, the troublemaker.”

“True, true,” Liam chuckled. “I hope Tann survived?”

“You hope?” Scott crossed his arms on his chest. “Shouldn’t you be supporting me more?”

“That’s why I hope Tann survived,” Liam opposed with a small laugh. “If they put you in jail I wouldn’t be able to support you, would I?”

“You disappoint me.”

“No rasper would help you out, man,” Liam took several steps back, breaching Scott’s personal space with a smile. It made his heart race. “Unless you’d need it for your nails, to look pretty.”

“I always look pretty, Kosta,” Scott countered with a smirk but couldn’t tell anything else, since Liam seized his face in his hands and smooched him right where he stood, almost too gently.

“Yes,” he heard the man whisper to his lips. “Yes, you do.”

Scott was pretty sure the life in Andromeda was going to be awesome.

[hackersandslackers]

Google Cloud Platform: Creating an Instance and Configuring DNS

GCP is kind of like AWS, but prettier

For the last weeks I've been enamored with Google's cloud platform, aptly named Google Cloud Platform. GCP contains the things you might expect from a young player in the 'screw AWS' space: much of what exists on AWS has an equivalent on GPC, but certain subtleties exist, such as the lack of Python serverless functions and so forth. That said, GCP makes up for any shortcomings by leveraging services exclusive to Google. In my opinion, GCP is the first contender in the market to package enterprise cloud computing in a satisfying way. Its clear GCP has assigned UI and Product Management resources to their platform, where Amazon clearly did not. while not without its shortcomings, it's obvious Google has chosen usability as a key differentiator from AWS. Aside from the UI, GCP offers plenty of fun functionality such as their cloud launcher. This is the equivalent of one-click deploys for cool stuff, whether they be services to add to your VPC, Google APIs, Datasets, or what have you. If you're the type of person who browses Product Hunt with a mild SaaS addiction, good luck escaping from Cloud Launcher in a reasonable amount of time. It's like product hunt... on crack. The ease of plug-and-play these plug-and-play services make GCP a compelling choice for a respectable enterprise which hasn't lost the gift of curiosity just yet. Let's set up a server to see what the hype is about. Today'll we'll be creating a standard Linux instance and walking through the steps to configure an existing DNS for said instance. Does, in Fact, Compute GCP cutely names their server's Compute Engines, which are at least more tolerable than, say, EC2 instances. I'm just going to call them servers because I'm not the type of person who orders a "tall" at Starbucks. Create a "project" in a new Google cloud instance, and you'll immediately land at a dashboard. To find Google's services, hit up the left menu - go for Compute Engine. Shhh, it's thinking. Select "create" to see the options you have for creating a server. On this screen, you'll be able to select granular things about your instance on a sliding scale as opposed to a fixed number of finite choices and price points. Want 96 processing cores, but only a single GB of RAM? No problem, if that's what y0u're into. Freak. As well as the usual Linux distro selection, Google also goes as far as letting customers select their number of GPUs, as well as the type of Intel CPU. Dat customization tho Assuming you want traffic to hit this instance, make sure you allow Allow HTTP traffic and Allow HTTPS traffic before continuing. Once your instance is created, you should immediately able to SSH into the server via the browser client provided. The App Engine GCP is not without its own fair share of arbitrary classifications. DNS records and hosts are contained within the App Engine service of the platform, also contained in the left menu. In the App Engine, navigate to the settings portion of the service: Allllll the way at the bottom. Here's we'll be able to see a "custom domains" tab which allows us to point our DNS records from a service like Namecheap to GCP products. I'll follow along here as I'll be routing a domain called memegenerator.io to some stupid instance I spun up. Specifying a new domain will immediately ask for Google to verify your domain via DNS records. This part kind of sucks. Back to Your Registrar You should immediately be prompted with a screen to verify ownership of your domain with Google webmaster tools. Select your registrar; in our case we're using Namecheap. Please don't tell me you use godaddy. Your selection will spit out a record intended to be added as a .txt record before moving forward. If you're using Namecheap, find your domain and make sure you're under the "advanced DNS" tab for your domain. Delete all records except for one, which should be . TXT record, pointing to @, with the value that Google provides. Now, when you return to the webmaster tool, clicking verify tool should pick up on this change. If the webmaster tool does not pick up on this verification right away, don't panic. This happens fairly often - just keep frantically make sure everything is set up correctly. Back in GCP, you should see that your domain is verified. Set up whatever subdomains you'd like and click next. Update Records on your Registrar again Oh, we're far from over buddy. We need to go BACK to update our Nameservers, now that Google as bestowed that privilege upon us. You should see a table as such: Type Data Alias A 216.239.32.21 A 216.239.34.21 A 216.239.36.21 A 216.239.38.21 AAAA 2001:4860:4802:32::15 AAAA 2001:4860:4802:34::15 AAAA 2001:4860:4802:36::15 AAAA 2001:4860:4802:38::15 CNAME ghs.googlehosted.com www Copy that into your registrar's custom DNS records. Have fun with that. Cloud DNS But wait, there's more! We haven't actually specified our Nameservers yet. In GCP, search for "Cloud DNS" in the search bar. Create a Zone, and leave DNSSEC off. Great! Now you should have even more crap to enter through your domain registrar. This should have generated your nameservers: Name Type TTL Data memegenerator.io. NS 21600 ns-cloud-b1.googledomains.com. ns-cloud-b2.googledomains.com. ns-cloud-b3.googledomains.com. ns-cloud-b4.googledomains.com. Assign a Static IP Search for External IP addresses and click the "Reserve static Address" button on the resulting screen. The only important field to fill out here is the "Attached to" field, which is a dropdown denoting which server the IP will be assigned to. Instance Settings Fuck, is there even more? OK, we're almost done here. Go to your Computer instance you set up earlier and click "Edit". Modify the Network Interface and map the Static IP from earlier. Also enter your PTR record: When will it end... please send help. FINAL CHAPTER: Firewall Settings Look, I just want to say you're all doing a great job so far. All of you. We're all a team here; let's stick together and see this through. Search for Firewall Rules and selected Create a Firewall Rule. Name it whatever you want. Targets - This will be where our traffic routes. We want to route to our instance, which is a specified service account. Target service account - Referring to the above, this is where we select the computer instance we want to hit. Target service account scope - Select "in this project". Source Filter - Once again, select specified service account. Source service account scope - Select "in this project" Source service account - This is where we say where the traffic is coming from. It's coming from the App engine , as this is where we specified our DNS. For IPs and ports, well, do what you want. Get at it Well, there you have it. Hopefully by now the domain you've painstaking configured now points to your server, so you can go ahead and configure your webserver settings or whatever it is you do. Alright fine, so GCP isn't completely free of its own redundancies. As much as I love to hate on AWS, it seems almost inevitable at this point that any enterprise cloud service will maintain a certain level of obscure processes. This is great for flexibility when scaling, but let's be honest: if these platforms were easy to use, who would pay to become certified in using them?

- Todd Birchard