#fun fact that’s the reason I use the name blue online

[stump-salsa]

I shipped sanscest when I was younger (specifically cherryberry) and when I went on holiday to turkey at the ripe age of 13 I wrote the ship name in the sand on a beach and I think about it all the time. I even took a photo 😭

[hollowed-theory-hall]

Magic and Genetics

So, this is not like 100% finished and will be more musings than a full theory. The main reason is that we, as humanity, just don't really know that much about genetics. Like, we get the gist of it, but we can mostly only say: "it's complicated" about it.

Which is true. Like, the idea of dominant and recessive traits the way most people are familiar with (like the eye color chart for blue eyes and brown eyes) is super oversimplified and inaccurate. Like, there are 2 major genes that affect eye color and then there are 8 more genes that affect eye color, hair color, and skin color, but we aren't really sure in what way. We just think they do from observation. Usually, genes behave in a way that is in line with the dominant and recessive traits charts, but there are exceptions to it. Again, we just don't know much about this field.

Because of this, I can't really come to conclusive conclusions regarding exactly how many and which genes affect a person's magic in the world of Harry Potter. What I can do is use the book evidence to try and create a pattern of how magic behaves genetically.

Disclaimer: I'm not a doctor, nor did I study genetics in any professional capacity, this is from online reading and self-study. And most importantly for fun 😊

Why do I think magic is influenced by multiple genes?

So, JKR stated in an interview she thinks of magic as a single dominant gene. This is impossible, since if that were true squibs and muggleborns wouldn't exist and the chart for the likelihood of a child being born with magic would look like this:

And that's just not what we see in the books...

This is all without mentioning how squibs like Arabella Figg can see dementors while muggles can't:

“A Squib, eh?” said Fudge, eyeing her suspiciously. “We’ll be checking that. You’ll leave details of your parentage with my assistant, Weasley. Incidentally, can Squibs see dementors?” he added, looking left and right along the bench where he sat. “Yes, we can!” said Mrs. Figg indignantly.

(OotP, page 143)

This means that squids do have some magical genes that muggles don't.

Additionally, from what we know about wizards as a species they have other differences from muggles that would effect their genetics in less obvious ways, for example:

Wizards heal faster, so cell regeneration is different than muggles.

Wizards have a completely different set of illnesses than muggles, so their white blood cells are also different.

Their brain cells likely live longer since they have an overall longer life expectancy.

Since they can see magic, like dementors and the Leakey Cauldron, we know the sight receptors are different.

Their nerves likely also function differently since they can sense magic in a way muggles can't.

To name a few.

And this is all without going into the fact wizards can reproduce with other species (goblins, veela, and giants to name a few) which actually implies a common ancestor to all of these races, but I'm not going into that can of worms.

What I am going into is how magic works genetically and how predictable it is. As in, if I know the magical status (pure-blood wizard, half-blood wizard, muggleborn wizard, squib, or muggle) of two human parents, can I tell how likely their child is to be a wizard, a squib, or a muggle?

What are squibs?

We don't know of many squibs in the books, these are the list of the known squibs:

Argus Filch

Arabella Figg

Marius Black

Dolores Umbridge's brother

Molly Weasley's second cousin

Squibs aren't a subject wizards like talking about, even not wizards who don't mind muggles like the Weasleys:

"Er — yes, I think so. I think Mum's got a second cousin who's an accountant, but we never talk about him."

(PS, page 73)

The definition of a squib is a child without magic born of a magical parent. If we look at the list of squibs above, all of them except Umbridge's brother are pure-bloods. This is kind of important because of the limited genetic pool of pure-bloods.

I tried calculating the inbreeding coefficient (basically how likely it is that a specific genetic trait is identical in both parents. The number ranges between 0 and 1) of the pure-bloods in the Wizarding World. We don't have much information on most families, but even looking at the Black family tree, they aren't really inbred (except the Gaunts). The closest relation there is the marriage between second cousins Walburga and Orion. So the inbreeding coefficient of pure-bloods would be above zero, but not high enough to cause serious health detriments for the most part. But, this doesn't mean wizards don't have a problem with a limited genetic pool even without close inbreeding.

Looking at that same Black family tree, we see a lot of familiar names: Flint, Crabbe, Burke, Potter, Crouch, Longbottom, Weasley, Prewett, Malfoy, McMillian... Basically, all pure-blood wizards are related. Some more closely than others, but they are all related. It means that among pure-bloods there is less genetic diversity which tends to cause illnesses and weakness in children over the course of multiple generations.

Such illness can, for example, come in the form of a squib. If the child just isn't capable of having full access to magic, due to their limited genetic pool, they will be born a squib.

But what about Umbridge's brother?

Well, here's the interesting thing. When looking at accounts of children of a pure-blood and a muggleborn, they are all always magical (and usually quite powerful, but more on that later). Umbridge's mother though is muggle. I believe a muggle parent would also have a higher chance of a squib offspring since they don't have magic. Essentially, Umbride's brother received some of the magical genes from their father, and some muggle genes from their mother, leaving him somewhat capable of interacting with magic, but not casting it — a squib.

Essentially squibs have a higher chance to be born from two pure-bloods (due to lack of genetic diversity) or from a wizard and a muggle. If we look at the books, we actually never see a squib being born from a pair of two wizards where one of the parents is half-blood or muggleborn (since they bring new genetic diversity and make the offsprings much likelier to be magical).

What are muggleborns?

So, we covered that squibs are rare and are caused by the lack of genetic diversity in the pure-blood families or by receiving non-magical genes from a muggle parent. But what about muggleborns? How could they genetically exist?

Well, I discussed here the actual percentages of different blood statuses across the Wizarding World. And the percentages looked like this:

57.5% Pure-Blood and Most Likely Pure Blood

22.5% Half-Blood

15% At Least One Magical Parent

5% Muggleborn

And as I covered here and here, I believe magical Britain is approximately 0.01% of the muggle population. This means that muggleborns are incredibly rare in the muggle population and have an overall very low chance of being born. But under what circumstances would muggleborns be more likely?

We know, for example, that the brothers Colin and Dennis Creevey were both born magical. It means, that their parents had genes that make them more likely to have magical children. This means Petunia had a higher chance of being born magical than, say, Vernon, it was still a low chance, but it was more likely.

Now, I'm not the first to raise this theory, but I believe these muggles that have a slightly higher chance for magical children like Mr. and Mrs. Creevey are descendants of squibs. We know that:

"Squibs were usually shipped off to Muggle schools and encouraged to integrate into the Muggle community. . . much kinder than trying to find them a place in the Wizarding world, where they must always be second class..."

(DH, page 136)

So, squibs have been sent for generations to live among muggles. It means that there are multiple "muggles" running around that are actually squibs. They might be able to see dementors or notice something odd around the Leakey Cauldron, but not enough to produce magic. But they still have magic in their genes. And when they have kids, sometimes, through a fluke of luck and genetics a muggleborn can be born.

This means all muggleborns are distantly related to wizards in some way, but still the muggle blood adds some much-needed genetic diversity that makes them less likely to have squib children.

What would magical genes look like?

So, we talked so far about how to predict the likelihood of a child having magic or not. But we also know not all wizards and witches are magically equal. You have crazy powerful individuals like Voldemort, Harry, and Dumbledore. Hermione is an incredibly skilled and talented witch, often the first in class to get spells right. And then you have wizards like Crabbe, Goyle, or Merope who are barely more magical than squibs. Then you have unique magical gifts like being a parselmouth, metamorphmagus, or seer are all inherited, and therefore genetic.

So, let's start with the power/talent difference between wizards that we see. I think this, like squibs, is correlating to the lack of genetic diversity. Sure, you have pure-bloods that are magically powerful or average, but if we look at the most magically powerful wizards in the books — Harry, Voldemort, and Dumbledore — they are all half-bloods. They all have a higher genetic diversity.

Hermione and Lily, are also examples of this added genetic diversity raising the likelihood of magical talent. Both muggleborns, both referenced as talented and bright multiple times. Snape, another half-blood is also referenced often as an incredibly talented wizard.

Actually, Nymphadora Tonks is one of the best pieces of evidence for magic weakening over pure-blood generations and becoming stronger with the new blood from muggles or muggleborns.

The Black family had the hereditary magical gift of being metamorphmagi. This gift has been lost for multiple generations, the first Black to be born with this gift in recent history is Tonks. And it makes perfect sense, Andromeda, a pure-blood with the genes for being a metamorphmagus, marries a muggleborn, Ted, who has the much-needed genetic diversity, so their daughter is finally durable enough for the metamorphmagi magic to kick in.

The Gaunts are another example of just how much the lack of genetic diversity affects a wizard's magic. All three, but especially Mereope, are portrayed as barely skilled with magic, almost squibs. But then we have Tom Marvolo Riddle, magically gifted so much beyond most wizards because he had the added genetic diversity from his muggle father.

Parseltongue seems to be a more dominant trait than the metamorphmagus ability. As even an almost squib in the Gaunt family can speak it. That being said, the Gaunts are implied to be incredibly incestuous, so perhaps it's just a matter of both parents speaking Parseltongue that causes this gene's apparent dominance.

We also know these genetic traits are only passed to wizards. So a squib from the Gaunt family, would not be able to speak Parseltongue. So, while it is a separate gene, it is connected to the other genes that affect magic. That's why a muggleborn born from a Gaunt family squib line, could potentially be a Parselmouth. They won't necessarily be a Parselmouth, but they have a chance to get the gene.

Conclusions

So, let's put all of it together into a series of rules* to how magic seems to work genetically.

*Rules is not exactly the correct word. It's more like, how it would usually behave, but there are flukes to genetics and everything is possible.

Two magical parents would almost always have a magical child. Pure-bloods are more likely to have squib children than half-bloods or muggleborns due to lack of genetic diversity.

A child of a muggle and a wizard has a higher chance of being born a squib than two magical parents. (The chance is still pretty low though and the child is more likely to be magical)

Muggleborns are the result of at least one parent who is a muggle that descended from squibs and has magical genes.

If both parents are squib-descendant muggles, all their kids might even end up magical. (Like the Creevey brothers)

Being a parselmouth, metamorphmagus, or seer are all unique genetic traits that are passed in a separate gene but dependent on other magical genes. Each one of them behaves differently as a gene.

Genetic diversity promises a higher chance of naturally magically gifted children. (It doesn't promise they will be more gifted, just makes their chances better)

Blood purity and a limited genetic pool cause magical children born to these lines to be overall weaker. (Again, there are exceptions, this is just about chances)

[mask131]

Greek mythology media (1)

To begin this overview of Greek mythology in media, I originally wanted to start with some of the most famous American pieces of fiction - those that shaped, for the better and for the worse, the "Americanized" perception of Greek mythology... Including Disney's Hercules.

However after some thought, I think I need to cover something else beforehand... What I like to call the "Hercules saga".

(Picture courtesy of greekgodsparadise.com)

Have you ever wondered why Disney made a movie about Herakles and yet named him "Hercules"? Why would Disney commit such a blatant mistake, using the Roman name of the hero despite everything else being (vaguely) Greek-inspired? Because Roman mythology is better known than the Greek (see my Medusa posts)? Not exclusively...

The reason why Disney made a movie named "Hercules" instead of "Herakles" was because their animated piece was very obviously a follow-up of an entire GENERATION of movies based on the figure of Herakles, but being sold, publicized and shared with the name "Hercules". Beyond this "mistake of Disney" is actually an entire generation of cinema history that people today completely forgot about, and that explansi why, of all the Greek myths, the one of Herakles is supposedly the one with the most movies attached to it...

I/ The beginning of it all

To start this deep dive we need to begin with the movie that started it all. The 1958 "Hercules" movie - at least it was its English title. Its original title was "The Labors/Trials of Hercules", "Le fatiche di Ercole". For yes, this movie was an Italian production (with some Spanish and French collaborations).

This movie's story is... quite more confusing than you would expect. Yes, the title is correct: Hercules is the main hero of the story. This being an Italian production, all the names were taken from Roman mythology rather than Greek - Hercules, Jupiter, Venus... And this is precisely why the name Hercules would go on to become so famous, but that's for later. However, despite what the title hints, this story isn't about the Twelve Labors of Herakles. Two of these trials appear in the first third of the story: the Nemean Lion and the Cretan Bull. However, the actual literary work of Antiquity this movie is based on is... the Argonautica of Apollonios of Rhodes. Yes, this movie is also about Jason, and the Argonauts, and the quest for the Golden Fleece, but with Jason being only a secondary character. In fact, most of the Argonauts's adventures aren't even told since the actual quest for the Golden fleece is massively reduced, with a good quarter of the movie entirely dedicated to the Argonauts' stay on the island of the Amazons... So this movie is a bit of everything. A bit of Herakles but not too much, a bit of Argonauts but not too much - though there's a LOT of the Amazons...

Fun fact: the lighting and the special effects were done by Mario Bava, who would later become of the iconic names of horror in Italy.

The movie being in public domain, you can find it pretty easily online, and having watched it, what is my opinion? Well... On one side the movie definitively aged badly. Many elements of it at now laughable today. The main love interest's costume is to the toga what the bikini-chainmail is to an armor, and her obviously modern makeup is very distracting. The fights of Hercules with the Nemean Lion and the Cretan Bull very obviously involve him punching fluffy puppets. Somehow a very modern fountain sitting by an ancient Greece palace... Ominous storm clouds are just a mud-stain on the camera's lense in an otherwise clear blue sky. Of course when the Amazons arrive the camera focuses twice on their naked legs ; and their cemetery is properly hilarious. The adorable Nemean Lion forgets he is supposed to play dead and shouldn't blink one he is "strangled". Oh yes, and there is also a VERY racist moment during the arrival in Colchides, where our heroes are faced with what is supposed to be primitive, savage, cavemen-like people... But who are in effect just black men wearing furs, a few prosthetics, and making monkey sounds. Very racist.

One of the things with this movie is that there is also several versions of it going around. We are lucky to have the cinematic, clean and properly-dubbed version on Youtube for free - right here ; but you will also find around the Internet versions of a much poorer quality which were designed for television airing, and which have a different English dub. Such a version can be found here for example. And then you apparently have yet a third version somewhere with yet a third dub that makes pretty big flaws (such as changing Hercules' entire rant to the oracle/sybil about immortality into a rant about "strength" which changes the entire idea of the movie). That's one of the evils of the public domain: re-dubs are everywhere.

Now all that being said... While this movie has definitively aged, I can still see why it became one of the classics of mid-20th century cinema, and why it caused such a big reaction upon its release.

Some of the ideas and concepts brought up are very interesting - for example weaving an entire motif of "revenge is not the answer" in a story where both Hercules has to bent to the unfair treatment of a king, and Jason has to find the murderer of his father. The treatment of the characters can also be interesting - from an Hercules who actually seeks humanity instead of immortality, and has to live in a world where his divine powers are actually freaking out people and shunning him as a monster ; to a king Pelias that is not actually actively evil or cartoonishly malevolent, but rather a fearful, suspicious and worn-out man who still does evil things out of anger, cowardice and bad advice, but who has been exhausted and burdened by guilt and regret to the point he enters the story only wishing to give up the throne and die... There is also a fascinating angle where the movie insists on the fact that Hercules is just as much intelligence as strength - for example with a wonderful scene of him proving even an average human person can shoot incredibly well arrows without a divine strength, but just good advice and observation of the environment and a well-formed technique... that ends with the big twist that those excellent bow-lessons he gave to the "random boy" he selected where given to ULYSSES out of all people. Yep, we have a movie where Herakles was Odysseus' mentor...

Mind you, while there are great ideas and concepts which make the movie stand on its own, in terms of mythological adaptation it is very poor, because as I said it mixes together edulcorated and scrawny versions of the myth. You've got two of the 12 labors done in a very different context. You've got a brand new Hercules characterization that doesn't touch upon his actual legends. You've got a Jason and the Argonauts story without sirens, Medea or giant ship-crushing rocks, and where Jason is just a background character. This "mixed" nature extends to the very tone and focus of the movie. It is a rich movie, no doubt, that blends and mixes the genres - but while it is precisely its charm (you are never bored with it), it is also what causes it to feel a bit unfocused. It starts with the naive and cliche romance between Hercules and a princess, leading to the angsty "I don't want to be immortal" scene of Hercules... It continues in what is basically a Gothic story about a strange and dysfunctional family burdened by the dark mystery shrouding a past crime that still haunts the present, and who lives in a half-abandoned palace where a ghostly murderer and treacherous whisperer haunts the shadows... We then cut to what is basically a PSA for athletism and sports, and then we delve into your typica adventure-movie alternating comic book humor with fights against monsters ; and then we have an entire mini-movie inside the movie at the Amazons island which unfolds as a romantic tragedy... This movie has everything, and perhaps a bit too much of everything, and feels like four different movies crammed together in one.

The other big "good point" of this movie is DEFINITIVELY the visuals. This movie allows me touch upon what was one of the big qualities of the good mythological movies of the mid 20th century: they truly knew how to make visual delights. The opening visual of a sheperd playing a Pan's flute while being listened to by his goats? The oracle all shrouded in a black veil suddenly revealing a blood-red dress? The three royal children going to the throne room - only for the two actual innocents one to be fascinated by the Golden Fleece while the brat immediately sits on the throne? Hercules climbing a shadowy mountain towards the red-lit temple of the gods? The visual of the Golden Fleece hanging from its tree, above a mount of dead leaves that turn out to be the asleep dragon? There are so many parts of these movies that just speak so much with just the sights. And it isn't just the sights, but some details in this movie are particularly head-turning. Ranging from the subtle - Hercules and the oracle locking gaze upon first meeting, and not saying anything but clearly showing a link because they are two beings of the world of the gods recognizing each other, and are thus set apart from the other humans in the room... To the more obvious: this movie had the genius idea to decide that the dragons of Ancient Greece were actually just FRIGGIN DINOSAURS that the gods somehow protected from extinction X)

II/ Omphale comes on stage

1958's Hercules was a HUGE success in Italy - and by extension in most of Europe. It was such a huge success that its director, Pietro Francisci, released the VERY NEXT YEAR the sequel, known in English as "Hercules Unchained". A quite silly title given the "unchained" part refers to a segment of the original 1958 movie. The actual title of this movie is "Ercole e la regina di Lidia", "Hercules and the queen of Lydia". For this movie, Francisci took the same team: Mario Bava for the special effects, Steve Reeves to play Hercules (he had been selected for the first movie because he had freshly won the title of Mister Universe - in fact, people did note that due to lacking an acting background he was quite stiff and unnatural in the first movie).

Many people at the time - including Howard Hughues himself - considered that this movie was a better one than the original, with enhanced acting, a much more "punchy" writing, more convincing action scenes, as well as very impressive baroque sets (which, fun fact, had been heavily inspired by the art of Flash Gordon). But the same audiences and critics of the time recognized a structural flaw in the piece, saying the various elements and tones were unbaIanced and that the movie felt as if it continued dozens of minutes after its plot actually ended. I... kind of disagree?

Just like the original movie mixed together the legends of Herakles' labors with the Argonauts' journey, this movie tries to tie together Herakles' time at Omphale's palace and the "Seven against Thebes" events, aka the battle between Eteocles and Polynices for the throne of Oedipus their father. I have to say I much prefer the first movie somehow, perhaps because it was a bit simpler? This piece is even less faithful to the Greek mythology material (which wasn't hard given the first movie was already a very loose adaptation), and in fact here we really feel the "sword and sandal" flavor. As in, this movie bears more common points with your typical sword-and-sorcery or heroic-fantasy short story/novella than with Ancient Greek epics or theater plays. Though the latter point is to be nuanced, because this movie is VERY theatrical. It is very staged, very visual, very dramatic - and perhaps too much because in many scenes the dramatic overcomes just basic logic or common sense (Hercules' repeated "arms up while invoking the gods" scenes do get ridiculous), and while some scenes are impressive, they do feel like someone filmed a stage-play rather than a movie. Let's not talk of an even greater fantasmagoria when it comes to the setting (the usurper of Thebes has Roman "pit of tigers"-type of gladiator plays, while the queen of Lydia who works with Egyptians and has an Egyptian-decored lair, organizes "Arabian Nights"-like dances and wears definitively 20th century fashion dresses... My last grief would be that this movie is actually repeating its predecessor (Omphale's palace being the island of the Amazons, the final fight being identical to the one of the previous movie), though it does bring to the table some new elements that are quite charming (Ulysses grows on me here as we see him growing into his trickster self, while being a plucky, comical young clever sidekick ; and the fountain of the "Water of Oblivion", aka a non-trademarked Lethe, is a great set piece).

But no matter what I may think of it, this movie was still an even bigger success than its predecessor, to the point it made its producing company, the studio Galatea, one of the biggest movie companies of all of Italy. Unfortunately, it also was the end of the "original" Hercules movie series. The producer of the two first pieces, Lionello Santi, part of the Galatea studio, decided at the surprise of everyone to abandon the newborn ad successful franchise. He entrusted it to a certain Achille Piazzi, who decided to name as a new director for the third Hercules movie Vittorio Coffatavi, pushing Pietro Francisci away. Since Steve Reeves only wanted to work for Francisci and no one else, the actor of Hercules was also replaced, by Lou Degni - better known by his stage name, Mark Forest. And finally, "Hercules Unchained" marked the end of the Francisci-Bava collaboration. For you see, Mario Bava did even more work and poured even more effort (or so he claims) into "Hercules Unchained" than into the original "Hercules" , to the point he asked to be designated as a co-director in the movie's credits. But Francisci refused, claiming Bava hadn't done so much work as he claimed: Francisci insisted "Hercules Unchained" was his piece before all things, and that Bava just wanted to take credit for his work, and refused to change Bava's function in the official rolling credits. This battle led up to the two of them not working together anymore.

III/ Hercules becomes... Goliath?

The result of all these changes was a third Hercules movie release in 1960, called... "Goliath and the Dragon"?

This third movie's actual title is "Hercules' Revenge", "La vendetta di Ercole". However, the American distributors changed it to "Goliath and the Dragon" because they needed to make this movie a sequel to an earlier success, the Franco-Italian movie "Goliath and the Barbarians". Which... isn't even a movie about Goliath, but rather a historical movie about a guy named Emiliano in the 6th century... Ah those wacky American distributors, back at their hijinks...

New director, new actor, new team... But also new scenario! Indeed, with this movie we have a fresh start, and a return to a more accurate depiction of Greek mythology... Well kind of. They kept numerous elements of the old movies, but brought in many more from the old Greek legends - the Twelve Labours for example (that Hercules finishes at the beginning of the movie with the taming of Cerberus), or his wife Dejanira. The story in itself, while trying to be more "Greek myth-flavored", is still a unique story mixing elements from various other tales. Hercules' son (turned into Goliath's brother in the American dub) is in love with Thea, who is unfortunately the daughter of a wicked king that wants to take the control of Thebes, Hercules' city. At first it seems the story will be just about the various manipulations and schemes of the wicked king and his allies to try to get rid of Hercules (for example making his son believe he wants to take Thea for his own, and using treacherous messengers to try to convince the poor boy to poison his father without realizing what he is doing) ; but then the third/fourth act of the movie completely takes us into a different direction, as now a prophecy by the gods overlaps with the conflict against the wicked king and... Its a bit convoluted.

I kind of skimmed through the movie because by now the "sequelitis" had started to really kick in. I will admit two good points for this piece: one they attempt to return to more mythologically faithful material, and even though they tell a new story they try to keep Greek elements in it (impossible love triangle between a son and a father, betrayals and tragic deaths within a same family, a hero going up against a wicked usurper king, prophecies the hero will try to fight against...). These efforts are unfortunately completely ruined by the American dub which changes the nature of everything. The second positive point would be the final part of the movie - when we leave the simple "romantic drama and political treacheries and other Shakespearian schemes" to enter the "let's fight a prophecy" domain. Hercules receives a prophecy that his son will take over the throne of the wicked king... in exchange for the life of "the woman who loves Hercules" (interpreted as his wife, Dejanira). As a result, the entire family of Hercules will struggle against this prophecy and try to avoid it - from Hercules becoming obsessively protective of his wife, to his son growing suicidal to protect his mother ; and here we really go into a much more emotional and human side of the story. We even have Hercules turning against the gods for this prophecy - despite having just finally cleared up his curse and made peace with them after his Labours, he still can't accept having his family doomed like that - going for the help of an oracle only for her to get KILLED when she disobeys the gods to bring him aid ; and it comes to Hercules being forced to make a heroic sacrifice, destroying his life to save others... There's really something more unique and touching in all that, that also reasonates well with Greek myths.

All that being said: the bad points. The Hercules movie of the era grew by the 70s and 80s to be synonymous with "hilarious kitsch comedy". Nobody could take them seriously anymore - and this movie really shows why. The first two Hercules pieces have laughable elements - but many were intended as light-hearted comedy, and the others still leave room for the seriousness of the piece. But here? Nah. On one side you have the special effects that aged very, very badly - resulting in the goofiest dragon and most ridiculous Cerberus battle you will ever see and the cheapest lightning effect ever made. And if the bad special effects weren't enough, you also have the American dub that changes the whole stories and tries its harder to rewrite the Greek myth into a more generic-fantasy things (while also fitting to a previous unrelated movie), resulting in a plotline even MORE convoluted than what it already was... This movie can be fun to watch just to see how ridiculous it all got, and unfortunately the most serious and interesting parts only come to us after bunch and bunch of cliches, convoluted writing, very bad dialogues (like REALLY bad) and papier-mache monsters.

[As a quick note here, this movie was also a step-up in the genre when it comes to the supernatural. You see, the first two movies actually had a more... let's say "realistic" approach to the magical elements of mythology. The gods and the supernatural was definitively real, but the movies made sure to frame it in a quite "realistic" light. The gods themselves never appear, and only speak through oracles or manifest through sudden changes in the weather. The monsters our hero fights are all just regular animals (a lion, a bull - well a bison they try to pass off as a bull), and even the "strange land of Colchides filled with wonders" is framed realistically as a sort of patch of land where prehistoric times continued on untouched (with the "monsters" there being just cavemen/Prehistoric men ; and the "dragon" being a dinosaur). And from the realm of the divine we have people with clearly supernatural abilities (Hercules with his immense strength, the oracles able to predict the future), but they still look like ordinary people... This all served the purpose of conveying the fantasy of the myths while working within limitations of budget and special effects.

This movie decided to actually bring the fantasy to screen by having actual monsters, and having the oracle fade in and out like a ghost, and a centaur turning into a satyr, and having the gods speak directly to the heroes or shooting lightning bolts at those they dislike... But as I said those special effects aged very, very poorly, and it is precisely by trying to do a "big show" that they actually ruined this strange worldbuilding-charm that worked so fine for the first two movies. "Showing less does more", as they say.]

IV/ Hercules against... vampires?

While Francisci and Bava never worked together again, both returned to the making of Hercules movies later on, each on their own.

Francisci released in 1963 a movie called "Hercules, Samson and Ulysses" (in its original title "Ercola sfida Sansone"), taking back the duo of Hercules and his sidekick Ulysses from the original movies, and having them confront the Biblical Samson... But given we are entering mythological crossovers, I will not be looking at this movie in any more details.

As for Mario Bava, in 1961 he released a movie co-made with Francesco Prosperi (and with Western Germany), "Ercole al centro della terra" - Hercules at the center of the earth. In America it was released as "Hercules in the Haunted World", but in many European countries, includng France, this piece's title was... "Hercules against the vampires". Why? Simply put: because the main villain is played by none other than Christopher Lee, and he plays a character with similarities to Dracula... As a result advertisers decided putting a big "vampire" stamp on this movie would work, despite it having no actual vampire.

The story is simple: Hercules returns to his home in Italy (remember we are still in a Greco-Roman mythology setting) after a war, only to discover his fiancée Dejanira (or Deianira as you English people like to call her) has fallen into an unexplained state of madness... An oracle tells Hercules the only way to save her is a magical stone from the realm of Hades. Hercules and his friend Theseus descend into the Underworld, unaware that Dejanira' caring uncle (Christopher Lee) is actually the one who caused her madness, and an evil sorcerer conspiring with the forces of evil to conquer the world...

Unlike the previous movie, "Hercules in the Haunted World/Hercules at the Center of the Earth" is much more of a "must watch" - or rather of a far better quality than its predecessors. We return to the charm and power of the earlier Hercules movie, but are then taken into a completely different direction thanks to Bava being able to truly make a movie of his own, with all the experience he gathered since the first Hercules. While the story veer into a much more... "fantasy" tone and plot, it is still a definitively "Greek mythology-inspired" type of fantasy, as elements of the legends of both Herakles and Theseus abond (descending into the Underworld, Deianira, the Hesperides and their golden apple, Procrustes and other of the bandits/threats Theseus had to face during his journeys...). Mind you, it is not because the Greek mythology elements and influence are everywhere that this movie is faithful to the legends, oh no, great liberties are taken here... Medea is now an oracle for the gods, Pluto becomes an evil god, you have references to Dante's Inferno while travelling through Hades, the Hesperides become daughters of Helios cursed by Pluto and entrapped in a land of endless midnight... This is definitively not a class about Greek mythology.

But the real strength of this movie, its real greatness (beyond Christopher Lee's presence, because come on, every Christopher Lee scene is great), is its visuals. This movie is a visual delight. Bava really used all of his tricks as a lighting and special effects guy - despite the movie having a not so big budget, Bava managed to created a gigantic fantasmagoria and epic sets and deeply oniric scenes simply through the use of colors, ciaroscuro, optical illusions, set design, and the power of not doing too much. In many ways this movie is the complete reverse of "Goliath and the Dragon": the "Goliath" movie tried to have these big impressive special effects but just became a cheesy, badly-aged kitsch piece ; while the Mario Bava movie is deeply otherwordly and haunting despite a quite limited budget and not doing "too much". (Mind you, not all things aged well, for example Procrustes' costume aged a lot, but the scene of Hercules climbing the giant tree of the Hesperides for example is wonderful).

Another slight flaw I would point out is that they have a very annoying "comical relief sidekick character" that... literaly serves no real purpose and I don't know why he is here, and he kind of ruins the mood (except for maybe one good joke). But this is definitively a movie to WATCH (not obviously appreciate, but just watch) - and it is disponible freely on Youtube in HD if you ever want to watch it. This movie, in fact, caused a brief wave of "creepy peplum" movies, a sort of... sub-genre crossing the "sword and sandal" with elements of horror movies (the "trio" of these morbid peplum movies tend to include Riccardo Fera's "Maciste in Hell" (The Witch's Curse, by American title), and Corbucci & Gentilomo "Maciste against the ghost/Goliath and the vampires/Maciste contro il vampiro".

What else to say... This Hercules was played by Reg Park, who would become the mentor of Arnold Schwarzenegger, who himself would later play Hercules. And oh yes, as a side note here: I haven't talked about this before in detail, but a departure from the Greek mythology is that in all those movies, and it is a common link between all of them, the character of Hercules is not a mortal who after death becomes a god, but the reverse. A great deal and great stress is placed on the fact that Hercules is an immortal among mortals, and a "god among men", and many times you will see or hear Hercules deciding to renounce his immortality or use his immortality as a bargaining chip... This builds an entirely different character, and a sort of meta-continuity for the cinematic incarnation of Hercules that neatly separates him from his mythical counterpart.

V/ The importance of the Hercules saga, and why it shaped Disney's Hercules

So... four movies (plus one mentioned). I said that the 1958 Hercules movie had been a huge success not just in Italy but in Europe as a whole. What I however did not say, because I wanted to keep it more of a surprise, is that this movie was an ENORMOUS success in the USA. Probably much bigger than you think.

The first two movies, "Hercules" and "Hercules Unchained" as they were named in English, were bought, translated and transported to the USA by Joseph E. Levine. Levine poured a LOT of money into a very aggressive and intense advertisement campaign to promote those movies, which not only were everywhere in theaters, but also aired on television. And this all resulted in a massive success, which gave Levine an entryway to build a big career in the movie industry, and the Hercules movies a lasting fame up until the 70s. By the mid-70s their fame and success slowly died out, from the tastes changing (making these pieces look ridiculous by modern audiences) to the television-copies of the movies being of very poor quality and badly preserved. By the 80s, these movies were a laughingstock, and the original duo of "Hercules" and "Hercules Unchained" even got a full-on parody in 1997. The two movies were recut into one, a whole new comical dub was made, and this resulted in "Hercules Recycled", about a TV exercise show-host who battles dinosaurs, fast-food obsessed mutants and insurance salesmen to save Earth by retrieving a secret formula inscribed onto a golden bath-mat...

But another one of the reasons the "Hercules" movies ended up being rejected and mocked mercilessly was oversaturation.

When people saw that "Hercules" and "Hercules Unchained" were HUGE successes both in Europe and America... The hunt was open, and it was free market for all. Everybody tried to recreate the movies, everybody tried making sequels of the movies, everybody did blatant rip-offs of the movies... In Italy at least, which was where the whole craze took place. It was the era of the "mythological peplum", of the "sword-and-sandal", of the "muscle-opera". During the 60s, around TWO HUNDRED movies based on the same principles, cliches and formulas were made for European and American audiences: movies taking place in a vague and unclear Antiquty, inspired by Greco-Roman mythology or Biblical stories, with a very muscular, oily, barely-dressed bodybuilder playing the hero, and him punching his way through soldiers and bandits and monsters, while trying to win the heart of a beautiful princess (or avoiding the deadly charm of wicked queens and enchantresses) - and with sometimes a plucky sidekick or comical relief by his side. Many were the protagonists of these tales, but ultimately they were all avatars of the same archetype: Hercules, Samson, Goliath, Ursus, Maciste were all replacable with each other.

Such an intense and fast mass-production of course brought the early death of the genre, that became "out" just as fast as it was "in"... Before it was replaced by the new cinematic craze coming from Italy and imported to the USA: the "western spaghetti", star of the 70s.

But this era left a deep mark onto America (and Europe too). In America, they were the reasons why the name "Hercules" became more famous than "Herakles". These movies were a prolongation of the bodybuilding trend, and of the athletic culture and body-worship and sport craze that had been started by the Mister Universe contest and the Charles Atlas celebrity. And - more interestingly perhaps for this website - these movies were also very influential and appreciated by homosexual communities of the 60s and 70s... I mean you literaly had muscular hunks bare-chested, oily and sometimes almost entirely naked, wrestling constantly with other half-dressed men, and surrounded by pretty girls and erotic sex-icons and pin-ups, who wore the toga-equivalent of the "chainmail bikini" of Conan fantasies... These movies were bound to attract gays and lesbians of their time.

There is a LOT of those Italian Hercules movies in the 60s, like a LOT. I can't possibly cover them all, but I will leave here the titles of some I will definitively not talk about (due to not being "Greek mythology" enough for my taste): 1961's "Sansone"/"Samson against Hercules" ; 1962's "La furie di Ercole" (The fury of Hercules) ; 1963 "Ercole contro Moloch" (Hercules against Moloch), 1964's "Ercole contro Roma" (Hercules against Rome), 1964's "Il trionfo di Ercole" (Hercules' Triumph), 1964's "Hercules against the sons of the sun", 1964's "Ercole, Sansone, Maciste e Ursus gli invincibili", 1964's "Hercules against the tyrants of Babylon"...

And even by leaving out those eight movies, with the five others I described before, I have still left, in the span of the Italian 60s, SIX more movies I could possibly talk about... As I said, we know around 200 movies were released during this decade in Italy - though hopefully for us, all the lesser and cheap ones faded into obscurity...

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

AITA for trolling an elitist in an online game?

This was three years ago and was such a brief and dumb moment that I often forget this actually happened. I've played this particular online game for over ten years now. The game has a few different modes, and one of them is a sort of PVP where you play against several people at once globally.

I was playing this mode as usual one day and one person I got grouped up with while playing struck me as a shitty person right off the bat. His display name only said "UPDog" and his profile picture was that "Blue Lives Matter" flag. My first thought was, "UGH! This ought to be good!" Keep in mind, for some reason, this game tends to attract all sorts of awful people, so I have a habit of checking the profiles of these people to see just what flavour of awful they are.

The short version is this person was an elitist, trashing other players for using boosts during their gameplay and calling them desperate cowards. I could've ignored it, but I decided to respond. People can't directly chat with each other in this mode, so all I could do was edit my own profile to say, in short, to knock it off with the elitism without mentioning any specific players.

This ended up setting "UPDog" off as he updated his profile to attack me directly. I don't remember what all he said, but there was a lot of name-calling and taunting. I wasn't mad or anything. In fact, I found it hilarious that he chose to retaliate so aggressively over a game that people can play however they want. I decided to have some fun with this and take the piss out of him, and this is where I may be the asshole.

In a series of profile update exchanges, he got increasingly salty and belligerent as he continued to call me names, misgendered me in several ways (I'm NB), made several comments about "smacking (me) around", claimed that I was the one making nasty comments, and was bragging on top of it all. Meanwhile, I calmly called him out on his poor behaviour, poked fun at his elitism and sexism, said it's past his naptime, touch grass, you're falling for obvious trolling, etc., and live-updated my friends about the situation, who all had a laugh at his expense. One friend even said his harassment was like his display name: a lame joke.

When the multi-PVP session ended, which I won, he set his profile back to what it originally said. I did the same, went back to playing the game, and thought nothing further of the moment except for a few giggles.

I recently came across him again on the same game mode and he is still the same wanker he was three years ago. Not a single thing changed. I didn't bother messing with him this time since I had better things to do with my time, but part of me was hoping he'd see me and go off again just to give me a reason to go for the piss-take. That didn't happen, so there was no interaction.

In the end, I don't think I was wrong to needle him nor do I regret it, given how he behaved, but what do you think? AITA?

Add. info 1: I know I should've reported him for harassment, but the game's customer support leaves a lot to be desired and they wouldn't have done anything about it anyway.

Add. info 2: Neither of us have blocked each other. We wouldn't have seen each other in-game if so and I don't feel like bothering over a manchild that I don't come across regularly and can't even search for (don't know his username, just his display name).

What are these acronyms?

[vinziel]

Concept for my own TDAU oc

May I present to you my own TDAU oc. Vinzie The Offensive Magician! (I can't draw for shit, so for now I'll just explain his design, most details in his design represent something, I'll make an official drawing of his design probably very later on) Now they're a troll with Bluish skin and darker blue hair, their blue hair is mostly covered by his magician hat! And you guessed it they wear the typical black and red magician clothing! They have bruises on their arms and a black eye on their face, with noticeable tear streaks on his cheeks. The part of their hair that isn't covered by his hat is messy and clearly hasn't been combed. Heavy eyebags. He posts on all social media platforms you can think of. Under the name of @offensive_magician_official display name being "Vinziel" his real name (no this isn't a self insert. I just used my own name because of how unique it is). He is very active on his social medias and constantly gets into dramas (on purpose of course) purposefully causing discourse.

Lore Time!! He's non-binary using He/They pronouns and is gay! Now, his parents were very absent when he was a kid, and full on abandoned him in his teens, he was treated like a ghost, no one would notice him, everyone would walk past him. Once he got on steady footing and had a sustainable job, he dated the one and only John Dory! Now John Dory was only dating Vinz to experiment if he's gay or not but it didn't even feel like Vinz was a partner to him since he was pretty much so focused on Brozone, they don't hang out or talk much and if they did John only talks about Brozone, they ended things on a sour note (Mostly on Vinz's side, John didn't feel much after the breakup), now this lead Vinz on a downward slope, no one paid attention to them, not even his ex-partner. Unlike John though their strive for fame and atteu is Self-destructive and not destructive to others.

This led Vinz to do offensive comedy using magic tricks. He'd offend EVERYONE, leftist, rightist, conservatives, the gays, the old and the young, the communist, the capitalist. Nothing was off limits for them to offend. He didn't care about the death threats, he didn't care about the harassment and assault he'd experience in the streets because someone recognized him, ATTENTION IS ATTENTION in their books. The only person keeping him from getting killed was Bruce who was in good terms with them, since whenever John would leave Vinz alone to do Brozone stuff and basically forget he's even there, Bruce would be there to keep him company. Basically he's the reason he isn't completely insane. In real life he's actually very nice and caring, though he is mentally unstable. His online personality is the one where he is offensive.(though that won't last long since his online personality will eventually consume his actual one but for now let's imagine it hasn't). For his relationships Bruce is the only person he's actually close with, and one of the only people to know him personally. (fun fact he once appeared on Satin and Chenille's show, which only lasted 3 minutes before he got kicked out due to the amount of offensive jokes he was making about the twins). In terms of love life they are single, and probably shouldn't even be in a relationship with how unstable he is. He's very good at masking what he feels which is why so many people hate him because they think he's really serious about what he says. He does have some defenders online saying "it's just a joke" or "y'all are snowflakes" the people who defend them are people who think "Joke about everything or joke about nothing" mentality. His offensiveness doesn't stop at jokes by the way. He'd actually do stuff that makes people hate him even more.

Now explaining my choices in his design. Now why a magician you may ask and not a jester or a clown. Well no explanation I just wanted them to be a magician. Their color schemes in their hat and suit are Black and Red. Red represents passion, they're passionate about what they do, he loves the attention, Black means mastery, he's able to offend anyone and anything. The tear streaks on his cheeks represent the endless crying he does off camera, the messy hair explains his messy life of being offensive to gain attention. The bruises represent the assaults and harassment he experiences on a daily basis(yes the way he offends people is JUST that bad) and sometimes it represents his own destructiveness to himself. The blue skin and hair represent his pathetic and sad life. The eyebags represent his lack of sleep thinking of new and unique offensive jokes (this guy makes the most creative offensive joke, he sometimes reuses them but it's mostly new and very creative to the point sometimes people would be more shocked than offended, when a chinese president would die he'd make a joke like "Looks like the dog had rabies").

Anyways hoped you enjoyed my little yapping session of my OC. Will probably add more lore if I think of more.

@hostilemuppet hope you enjoy :>

[astral-from-afar]

Tokusatsu influences in Blue Period

Okay many people may not know but Magender in Blue Period is a reference to Tokusatsu, specifically Kamen Rider. I just want to spend my time going through some panels and just add a few fun facts as a fan of both shows.

Here is a brief rundown of Kamen Rider

It’s a long running TV show starting from the 1970s where a superhero who rides a motorcycle fight supervillains in order to protect Earth and their loved ones. When the franchise began they usually had an insect motif but has expanded in the last few decades to experiment with new ideas. There are 33 series currently and are split up into 3 eras (Showa, Heisei and Reiwa) based on the different monarchs who ruled over Japan at the time. There are other details but all you need to know is that it is pretty big series in Japan and has been making waves internationally.

First is the episode count. Usually kamen rider seasons shows last around 47-52 episodes on average however some can be as little as 31 episodes (kamen rider decade) and some can be as long as 98 episodes ( the original kamen rider series). The reasoning behind the episode count is that it runs all year round only a weekly basis. It starts from September and ends in August with a few breaks throughout the year.

Another staple in the kamen rider and tokusatsu medium as a whole is the transformation belt or “Henshin belt”. This is used by the main character to transform into their superhero form and they often cry out “Henshin” (transform in Japanese) as well as their catchphrase. As seen below Magender’s catchphrase is: Eliminate evil and illuminate truth.

Furthermore Henshin belts are one of the most successful pieces of merchandise in Kamen Rider due to it iconicness with each new rider having their own unique belt. Another piece of merchandise would be the helmet which Meguro wore in chapter 45. Both can be pretty expensive so I feel for Yatora ( i want one so bad as well)

Last bits I want to go over is what Takada said in chapter 51. The demographic in Tokusatsu has always gone towards young kids, mainly boys. However there have been interesting incidences where a kamen rider series is watched by a different demographic, adult women. This phenomenon was not only due to mothers having to understand the plot of kamen rider for their children but because they found the main lead handsome.

This caused the widely known ‘Odagiri effect’ (named after the lead actor in Kamen Rider Kuuga) which wikipedia states that “A program attracts a larger than expected number of female viewers because the program stars attractive male actors or characters”

This doesn’t mean all women watch kamen rider for the handsome characters of course but this caused a large shift in how actors were recruited which still happens in the present day

The last comment about the relationship between the two male characters is quite an often take when it comes to the two male leads of the series. The tension caused by the two and their subsequent interactions as they learn to bond over the 50 episodes causes many fans to speculate if their bonds go beyond ‘friendship’. I could name many incidents in almost all series that are homoerotic but it is rare to have anything confirmed. To add fuel to the fire it isn’t uncommon to see actors of a particular kamen rider series to go onto starring in BLs which has lead to several memes by kamen rider fans.

Okay so that’s all. I’m very happy if anyone read this far and I hope this gave a bit of an insight on the Tokusatsu medium through the lens of Magender as I love Kamen rider and Blue Period to bits. I’ve barely seen anyone talk about it online so I just wanted to dedicate a long post about it. Have a great day :D

[mygwenchan]

15 people, 15 questions

I've been tagged by the lovely @visualtaehyun - Thank you, baby 😘

1) Are you named after anyone?

Nope~ My dad was the one who picked my irl name (had I been a boy, my mom would've been the one to pick it, since my parents had that kind of arrangement). He chose a name with same first syllable as my older sister's, so the names would sound nice together :) (kind of like what a lot of Thai parents do when they have more than one kid)

2) When was the last time you cried?

I actually have no idea 😳

So must've been a while.

3) Do you have kids?

No. And I don't want to have any

4) What sports do you play/have you played?

I wanted to write "none", but actually I used to play in a local basketball team for a while when I was like 16/17. Did some archery as well :) Other than that, I'm mostly a couch potato lol

5) Do you use sarcasm?

Sometimes~

6) What's the first thing you notice about people?

I usually don't notice shit cause my thoughts are all over the place XD Hmm... maybe if they stand too close to me? I need my 2m personal space bubble around me, thank you very much

7) What's your eye color?

Gray-blue (or red when the allergies hit lol)

8) Scary movies or happy endings?

Both sound good! But only if it's scary as in classical ghost story without gore and jump scares

9) Any talents?

I'm stubborn as hell, especially when people tell me I can't do the thing. Bitch, watch me! I'll do the thing and I'll excel! And I might be a shorty, but if anyone dares to threaten my loved ones, I'll turn into a pure force of nature. Other than that, I'm pretty good at crafting and upcycling :)

10) Where were you born?

I'm nordisch by nature, baby~ Born in an old Hansestadt at the Baltic coast 🌊

11) What are your hobbies?

Watching BLs and sometimes writing meta about it. And I've recently gotten into making book nooks, I also like to sew (not really clothes, but small things) and I'm trying to learn how to play the piano. I'd also consider art history and archaeology a hobby of mine. I like to learn interesting facts about the every day life of normal folks from the past

12) Do you have any pets?

I have over 200 plants, do those count? And there are some wild animals that visit me every now and then (a red and a black squirrel and lots of birbs, plus the occasional neighbor's cat)

13) How tall are you?

My passport says 1,61cm, but that's a lie... I'm only 1,58cm 😅

14) What was your favorite subject in school?

I've always liked biology and art. Though for some reason that I can't recall now, I still chose german and physics as my advanced courses. Fun fact: I didn't like history in school, but ended up studying archaeology lol. But well, it was mostly because my history teachers sucked, not so much because of the subject itself.

15) What is your dream job?

Not having to work at all 😔 Idk, I never really had a dream job or a career path I wanted to take. Mostly because my interests tend to shift every couple of years or so and I don't like to get stuck with the same thing forever. Right now I'm working as an e-commerce and online marketing manager for a small nerd company. I'm pretty much my own boss and can decide when and on what I want to work, which is great. Recently we've started building a new online shop and I've been helping out with that, which can be pretty interesting actually.

Ok, that's it about me. Now let's learn something new about you guys~

I'm tagging @boysslove @scarefox @blmpff @lukaherehelp @pinkkop @sparklyeyedhimbo @fleursyoongi @bunni-bun @howlingmusketeers @7777-deactivated @vegasandhishedgehog @dekaydk @shouyou910 @asdfghjklmpff @bl-bam-beyond

[punishercross]

「 GET TO KNOW YOUR RP PARTNER! 」

( repost, please don’t reblog )

「BASICS」

▐ NAME: – Rosel(ha) ▐ PRONOUNS: – He/They ▐ SEXUALITY: – 👻 (even to me lately) ▐ TAKEN OR SINGLE: – 👻 ▐ FIVE FACTS: One, I'm an anthropologist! I think humans are fascinating little creatures. Two, I've been playing video games since I was way too young to be playing video games, with my first games being Pokemon Blue, Metal Gear Solid, and Final Fantasy IV. Three, my first RP experience was actually an OCRP, but my first RP fandoms were Fire Emblem and Ace Attorney. Four, I have three tattoos (so far!). Five, I used to cosplay a bunch, and am interested in getting back into it!

「EXPERIENCE」

▐ HOW LONG (YEARS/MONTHS): – Prooobably about 17-18 years? ▐ PLATFORMS USED: – Gaia Online, MMOs, forums, discord, aaaaand...here! ▐ BEST EXPERIENCE: – Generally, this group. I've met a lot of really cool people and great friends through affiliated tumblr rp.

「MUSE PREFERENCES」

▐ MALE/FEMALE/OTHER: – I tend toward masc or nonbinary muses in general, but occasionally a wife city muse gets me. ▐ FAVORITE FACECLAIM: –  I've started using my own original characters for faceclaims if I don't just use the character from the blog I'm writing on, but historically I used Mari from the EVA movies. ▐ FLUFF, ANGST, OR SMUT: – I'm pretty much down for anything let's boogie (although I tend to not RP smut on main). ▐ PLOTS OR MEMES: – I prefer plotting - memes can be fun but I tend to get a bit shy about them for some reason. ▐ LONG OR SHORT REPLIES: – I tend to focus on long replies, but short stuff can end up being a lot of fun. ▐ BEST TIME TO WRITE: – Sometimes the muse just strikes at like 8pm, or 8am, or when I'm driving and can't write and can only just think about it. ▐ ARE YOU LIKE YOUR MUSES: – GOD I hope not.

[insomniac4000]

First Impressions ChrisMD

Bethany Margaret Johnson didn't sound like a popstar name so she used the moniker Annie J professionally. Her first top ten single "Like Me" debuted in the charts at number four when she was just nineteen years old and she had gone from strength to strength over the past seven years. The thing that Bethany or Betsy to her friends believed what set her apart from others and the reason for her continued success was her love for music had never wavered.  Even when she was being hounded by the press and paparazzi, spent months away from home, was working fifteen or sixteen hour days for tour preparations she still loved her music. That didn't stop at her music either, she loved music in general and always kept up to date with the goings on, her contemporaries and competition as well as newer artists. 

Betty could be a perfectionist and would be the first person to admit she could be a bit of a control freak about things, she was never rude with it as she had a great team but she was not one of these artists where the team did all of the work, she needed to know all of the goings on, she chose the setlists for her shows, if the record company wanted to release a certain song she would push back as much as she could to fight her corner, she okayed her outfits and she always chose her own support acts. Her her latest UK tour the artists she had chosen to open for her was the Welsh MACY and the singer and TikTok/Youtube star Arthur Hill. She had previously has Talia Mar open for her a couple of years ago which exposed her a little to the online world, Betsy had to admit that was the one part of her job she was happy to hand over to her team, it wasn't really a world she knew too much about but Talia's then boyfriend and now husband Simon seemed like a decent guy. Her and Talia had struck up a friendship and she was even invited to Talia's wedding, she went despite the fact that she didn't know anyone. 

*Flashback*

"You look so beautiful! Congratulations," Betsy smiled as she hugged Talia, as the bride was the only person she really knew properly at the wedding it was a little awkward but she was glad to see her friend get married. 

"Thank you, you look gorgeous I'm so glad you're here! Now we've sat you next to one of Simon's friends Chris," Talia started to explain but Simon cut her off as he hugged Betsy while she congratulated him. 

"He's not long been dumped so sorry if he's a bit miserable." The sideman commented.

"Oh great," Betsy rolled her eyes a little, she came for fun. 

"He's a nice guy I think he was just blindsided by the whole thing but he is dating again so you might have fun," Talia teased and Betsy smiled but rolled her eyes. She walked round the room a little before finding her table and she smiled at the dirty blonde boy with piercing blue eyes. He had some facial hair which peppered a nice and not too defined jaw line. He was wearing a blue suit with a soft yellow gold tie, he looked good and obviously knew how to dress for an occasion. 

"Hi, I'm Bethany," Betsy  smiled as she sat down, smoothing out her gold dress as she did so. 

"Chris nice to meet you," the male said smiling showing off his white but slightly crooked teeth, not only was he cute but he was refreshingly normal. She had dated before, and as a musician the press were all over it, she dated her childhood sweetheart for six years but when they split when she was twenty five and she was linked with a model and a couple of footballers the press went wild. She wasn't a fan of footballers, she doesn't know why she did it and wasn't sure if it was all footballers or the ones she chose but they were self absorbed and pretty sure had photographers of speed dial. 

"So what do you do? The brunette asked taking a sip of water which had been pre poured in glasses. 

"Oh I do football videos on Youtube," Chris explained, Betsy surprised a sigh, not again. "You do music, right?" Chris asked also taking a sip of water, it was too early in the day to  be drunk yet. 

"Yeah," Betsy nodded she didn't mind being recognised but in some circles it could be so superficial. 

"I really loved that one you did  about the note. I had that on repeat for a while," Chris admitted and Betsy smiled, the song, Pen to Paper was an album track so he was obviously a fan.

"Thank you. I'm sorry I can't say I've watched any of your videos," she apologised, turning in her chair a little to face Chris slightly more.

"It's okay, it's like a ninety seven percent male audience so I'm not surprise, and thank you for the honesty."

The pair were interrupted as more people joined their table and introductions were made as well as Chris there were four couples on the table, Will and Mia, Theo and Jodie, Chip and Sabina and Callum and Laura. Betsy knew what Talia was trying to do, as the wine and conversation flowed it was working. 

By the end of the night Betsy and Chris were on the dance floor together getting incredibly close, his hands on her bum during fast dances and their arms around each other during slow ones. 

"Your room or mine?" Chris whispered in a gruff tone when the place was starting to empty and the after party was beginning. They had a good time and the pair swapped numbers but she grew disappointed with him when she messaged him but failed to receive a reply so she thought her very first impression of him was spot on, stupid footballers.

*Present day*

"Ah here she is!" Betsy's tour manager Lance announced when Betsy walked into the room. 

"Hi, I am so sorry I had a meeting and it overran," she apologised before shaking the hands of her support acts, she was meeting them for the first time and wanted to get to know them a little bit better, break the ice and give a run down of how she usually ran things. While she wasn't uptight she wasn't the biggest fan of the sex, drugs, and rock and roll cliche, she didn't care what people did on their own time so long as they arrived on time for rehearsals and their stage slots and didn't flaunt things in the public eye something which was a very reasonable request. 

Everything was set and everyone then had some casual chat to get to know each other a little bit. Soon Betsy was called away for another interview and made her goodbyes.

"Really nice to meet you both, let me or Lance know if you have enough tickets for friends and family I'm sure we can sort some things out, and VIP passes and things. 

"Oh great, my roommates said they're free to come now," Arthur mentioned  and Betsy nodded. 

"We'll sort them out don't worry," the brunette smiled before being ushered off.

Tour went underway and was a huge hit, they reached London of which there were three dates.

"This is really cool," George commented as him and his other housemates enjoyed the backstage tour. 

"It is, the crowds have been great too." The musician responded looking at his friends and noticing the smallest of the four was staring at the door as he clutched his beer, something he had been doing since he got there. 

"You've been very quiet," Arthur H said to Chris who just nodded his head, he was in two minds about whether he wanted to see Betsy or not, he did intend on messaging her back but by the time he got round to it it was a long time, plus he was quite intimidated by being with someone well known his relationship with Shannon was under the microscope enough and they were only two content creators. 

"Hi Arthur," Betsy chimed as she walked into his dressing room, stopping dead in her tracks when she saw the short male, his hair had changed but it was undeniably him, she looked in those eyes long enough to know them. 

"Sorry I didn't know you had company," Betsy went to retreat as she stared at the curly haired man who was suddenly finding his shoes very interesting.

"These are my flatmates, Arthur, George and Chris. Guys this is Betsy otherwise known as AnnieJ," Arthur Hill explained pointing out everyone in turn. George greeted her with a hug, Arthur and Chris settled for a handshake, the two previous lovers ignoring the spark of electricity that flowed through their hands. 

"Have you got time to hang out for a little bit?" Arthur asked, Betsy nodded as she didn't want to be rude plus the other two could be a laugh. 

Chris looked on clutching his beer bottle so hard his knuckles turned white staring at Betsy who was laughing at one of George's jokes. 

"Sorry I need to get ready, enjoy the show guys, it was nice to meet you Arthur and George and hopefully I'll see you after?" Betsy smiled before rushing off out the room. 

"What is your problem? We've only heard two grunts out of you," George commented pointing at Chris who just shrugged. 

"This is just not my scene," he replied, saying more words than he he had spoken in the past two hours.

"Okay, well next time I'll give your space to someone else," Arthur Hill replied as he checked the time, it was approaching show time. 

"This is nothing to do with the fact you two slept together at Simon's wedding and she's obviously forgotten about it," Arthur TV explained, he had only gotten Chris's side of the story so didn't know he had failed to message Betsy back. George and Arthur Hill looked at each other before laughing. 

"Chris we need to get you fixed," Arthur Hill joked before announcing he had to go and warm up. 

The show had calmed Chris down somewhat, MACY was good, Arthur was great and he enjoyed watching Betsy, it was obvious she loved doing what she did things changed slightly again when she sang one of her hit songs Infamy. On the surface it just sounded like the song was about relationships but there was a deeper meaning which was about the press's judgement and hounding of people's personal lives. There was one moment where Chris swore Betsy looked at him momentarily and he felt incredibly guilty, he ghosted her because of something she was already afraid of he felt small, well even smaller.

Arthur Hill was slightly surprised when Chris asked if he could come again, considering he was quiet the day before but Arthur agreed and this time Chris came with a plan. He kept himself a little scarce at the beginning but watched her intently from the side lines that was the first time Betsy noticed his presence there. 

After the show Chris knocked on Betsy's dressing room door he took a deep breath when he heard a soft come in. Chris couldn't help but smile when he saw Betsy in black leggings and a green jumper. Her regular casual self was so much different to her stage persona, she was just a regular girl underneath it all and Chris wanted to get to know her and not the flashy musician exterior he was afraid of before. 

"Hi, good show," Chris smiled. Betsy just nodded before placing her glasses on, her eyes got tired if she wore her contacts for too long. 

"Look I have been an absolute arsehole and if you don't want to listen to me excuses that's fine but I think I owe you an explanation," Chris continued and Betsy looked at him. His blue eyes looked so sincere, so kind and there was something about his little face she couldn't resist. 

"Look if you didn't want anything else a simple text would have sufficed," Betsy replied as she sat on the arm of the grey sofa. 

"But I did! I looked you up and saw all these stories and got flustered. When my ex and I broke up there's still jokes going on about it now and she still gets comments on social media and I just thought about how much worse it would be," Chris admitted and Betsy sighed, she had heard this before. 

"I get it. It's fine."

"It's not, look you probably don't want anything else to do with me but I just owed you a sorry." 

"I didn't say I didn't want anything more to do with you," Betsy smiled getting up from the sofa  and walking slowly over to Chris who nodded as he gave a small but cheeky smile. 

"Good," he smiled before his and Betsy's lips touched. 

[cerebralabyss]

USELESS INFO I FEEL LIKE PUBLISHING!! and also just archiving on my blog 4 my own sake :D

here is the stories/reasons 4 all my alters’ names cuz they’re all weirdly significant in some way or another OR went thru a very long process 2 become the name it is today

putting it under cut cuz it’ll probably be longish

reffy & ramen - they both went thru different processes, but come from the same origin. VERY LONG STORY I AM NOT SHORTENING IT!!

we were finding a new collective name cuz our old one did NOT suit us at all!! and at the time, our understanding of our system was very different. we had a lot of trouble separating reffy/ramen cuz not having one host scared us, so ramen was a sort of “sub-alter” to reffy for a good while until we were comfy with the distinction.

we settled on the name remiel/ramiel, but couldn’t decide the spelling. we ended up using remiel collectively, but that name was also specific to reffy because again at the time afraid of deviating from host. so ramen ended up with the scrapped spelling!!

reffy - when we realized we in fact were not just one host, having reffy’s name as our collective name was rly confusing!! we ended up shortening it to “remy” for a rly long time. then, we ended up fusing the names “remy” and “maffy/maffal” (maffy is a sub-alter to reffy that we had treated as distinct for a while b4 realizing it wasn’t healthy for not fun reasons!!) so it became reffy!! and yes, reffy is short for reffal!! no one calls him that tho cuz it’s weird (other than dire cuz he’s strange but he only does that in private) (and sometimes jax scolds him using his full name cuz it’s funny)

fun fact: reffy decided 2 use the name reffy instead of remy in the vegetable section of a grocery store. very useful information ik (sarcasm)

ramen - this name didn’t end up getting changed till like a little over a year ago now!! they stuck with “ramiel” for a good while, purely because we have a dog tag with the name ramiel engraved on it and they didn’t want to change their name cuz then the dog tag would be WRONG!! but eventually they were like NO im CHANGING IT. the nickname “ram” rly stuck (since no one called them ramiel anyway cuz it was confusing with it being so close to the collective name) so took the ram and turned it into ramen like the instant noodles cuz enby behaviour (lh)

they actually considered the name “azriel” for a bit n couldn’t decide between that n ramen. ramen is much more fitting i could not IMAGINE IT BEING ANYTHING ELSE

(i’m writing this and im writing in third person to avoid confusion and it FEELS WEIRD!!!)

jax - ok i’m leaving out the context of my 2020 system yrs cuz it’s not rly relevant and complicated BUT!! this name came from back then. it came out of NOWHERE LIKE LITERALLY IT JUST POPPED INTO OUR HEAD LIKE “yea this guy… he’s jax” and i don’t know WHERE IT CAME FROM cuz we probably only ever heard that name less than 10 times our whole life. it’s RLY WEIRD but it kind of makes it feel oddly special cuz it just happened without us consciously thinking. like that’s just how the name was Meant 2 BE

his name has not changed a SMIDGE since then. he did end up deciding it’s short form 4 something else somewhere along the line, but only one non insys person& knows what it is cuz he’s weird abt it. it’s been years n he’s still keeping it a secret .. and no it’s not jackson !!! that’s ur one hint :3c

nuni - this one is kinda silly!! when we were like 8-12 our online alias name was our cat’s name and since nuni was the primary host at that time the name rly stuck with her. when she came out of dormancy a few yrs ago, we wanted to change it since it could get confusing differentiating our CAT from our HEADMATE so we went with a random nickname we called our cat!! idk where it came from exactly tbh,, but our parents still call our cat that sometimes like once in a blue moon and each time they do it feels SO WEIRD!!

dire - ima be real i know there was a reason behind this name but i can’t remember it 4 the life of me. none of us can it’s rly weird. just pretend this is an awesome cool backstory ok thx

BUT!!! there’s a neat story behind one of his many old names!!! he first developed/split as an oc introject, we called him “corgo” cuz he more closely resembled the comfort au version of said oc (which in hindsight was not a comfort au it was just the personification of the introject) and combined the word “comfort” with “margo” (the oc’s name)

driell - him n his sibling (who isn’t in our sys) both have names that r their parents’ names combined together n letters smushed around a lil bit!! his sisters name (alexis) is a combination of the specific alter names, and driell’s is a combination of collective names!!!

THIS WAS ACTUWLLY A LOT LONGER THAN I ANTICIPATED i expected it 2 be long but i underestimate how much i love infodumping about my system WAYGYH. if u read this all the way thru it means the world 2 me u have no idea

i wanr to infodump abt system stuff more cuz it makes me happy :33 just worry abt clogging up my blog a bit :P

that’s it that’s all!!! good day 2 u

- 🖤

(🥀🎀🧸 co-con)

[fili-urzudel]

Infodump

Whoops it looks like my threat to infodump backfired lol

I wanna let you guys get to know me without compromising my personal information online so if this seems vague in weird spots that's why.

Name: well I just looked through my several Name notes and saw the name Maewyn (the name of my future daughter in Stardew Valley lol) and I like that so why not, if you need to refer to me call me Maewyn or Mae.

Family: I live with my parents and sister, all of whom I adore! I'm the eldest child. We got our first dog when I was 12 and he's still with us.

Favorite Color: Purple. It's pretty and I look good in it ngl. I prefer more blue-tinted shades like indigo or periwinkle.

Favorite flower: it's insanely hard to choose! Botanical gardens and hikes through parks are some of my favorite activities and oh my goodness the pretty plants you see in those places. I might just have to say roses because I have three bushes of my own in the front garden that I tend to every summer and fall.

Favorite Animal: Elephants! I have reasons but I'm not going to articulate that right now sorry

Favorite metal: I'm not a very jewelry oriented person, mostly because of my eczema, but I own mostly silver jewelry.

Favorite stone: once again hard to choose, they're all so pretty. Opal is magnificent, but my only problem with it is it's so soft, so as a practical person who prefers day-to-day wear, it's not the best stone for me.

Zodiac (just in case you were thinking of asking): All I know is I'm a Scorpio.

Hogwarts House: I took the Pottermore quiz in fifth grade and got assigned Ravenclaw so that's what I'm sticking to. Not knowing anything about Harry Potter, I think I'm a Ravenclaw with Hufflepuff tendencies, or vice versa.

Favorite thing to study: I am a student of a lot of things so it's hard to choose, I think every subject has its charm. I love reading and thinking about themes and creative writing (obviously) but I couldn't see doing that for a living because I fear I either wouldn't be motivated enough or having to make money off of something artistic would take the joy out of it. I'm studying Computer Science, and it's very interesting. Biology and Anatomy are super cool as well, but once again I don't think I'm suited to the life of a researcher or a doctor.

Hopes and dreams: just to be a well-adjusted and kind person. I want to be the person that people are drawn to and feel like they can trust, the kind of person where "my door is always open" is a reliable statement. I'm a very shy and quiet person, and maybe not necessarily super emotive, so I feel like at the moment it's a bit hard for people to believe that I care or I'm someone who could care, even though I do, very deeply. Literally my personality goals are Peeta Mellark, Beth March, Samwise Gamgee, and I think my faith plays a lot into that.

Other Fandoms: Star Wars (esp. the Prequels and cartoons) and Star Trek for sure!! I have another sideblog dedicated to that. I'm watching ST:TOS right now and it is so unbelievably fun. I used to be a Marvel fan. I'm still a hardcore Spider-man fan (all media fr fr). I play Stardew Valley, a little Palia but just for the graphics if I'm honest. Uhhh I'm blanking right now so that must mean those are the really important ones.

Fun facts:

I need all four wisdom teeth removed and either braces or Invisalign in the next few years, along with a not-so-purely-cosmetic periodontal surgery.

I downloaded Goodreads maybe three weeks ago and I have 229 books on my Want to Read list.

I skipped all of my high school English classes through Dual Enrollment.

When I clean my room I clean clean but I only do it once every one or two months, and in between it kind of turns into a disaster zone.

I'm gonna get my hair cut from 18 inches to 4-6 inches in a couple months and I'm nervous and excited at the same time.

I want to make myself a capsule wardrobe soon.

I crochet and as soon as I have a little more free time I'm going to teach myself to knit. After that probably quilting, even though I suck at sewing.

I interviewed someone about his beard today.

I'm watching The Vow with my family right now when I probably should be working on my physics.

And if you know me irl, these fun facts will probably let you piece together that it's me running this blog.

That concludes this evening's infodump, I hope you enjoyed.

[vriskasapotheosis]

Red vs Blue and Homestuck, famous internet things from eras of the internet gone by and yet they still howl violently today. (warning post grande)

so generally when one thinks of the "old" internet, a lot of things can come to mind: less ads, a sense of wonder with a budding new technology, the lack of the cold grip of consumerism, a nostalgia for the old days that didn't really exist and you were just 10, you name it.

What always sticks to me was that the internet, in its early days, was another medium of art. People took to the internet and began to create art and music of course, but the internet as both a database archive of knowledge and a social tool gave rise to many different expressions: forums, websites, chat rooms, the way people used these were so uniquely creative because it was basically a whole new way of communication. It developed into its own language of how people talk online, which is still present today. Take even this dishonored little website Tumblr: peoples customization of their blogs to absurd degrees, the websites glitches and errors being used to make posts even funnier, the interplay between people being chronically online and the real world consequences, the entire internet was like this, this wild west mesh of ideas being shot at each other and ricocheting violently.

A specific aspect of this was the optimization of absurdism and parody: you had the memes, the flash animations, the abridged series, the youtube poops, the newgrounds, the impossible quizzes, anime episodes on youtube with subtitle translators having fun, all of these things were increasingly absurd with so many levels of variation, and it's this aspect I feel a lot of people have nostalgia for; The internet was a breeding ground for ideas that, because the soil was so fresh, nothing was really rejected, nor was there a push to "create content". People in the past made a whole ton of these things because it was fun, they wanted to express themselves, and they shared the space with tons of people who wanted to do the same. That isn't to say that people today don't also want to do these things, but the internet was so new at the time that it was unprecedented. The internet wasn't just a tool for knowledge archiving or communication, it was an art piece in and of itself, with every user having the ability to contribute to that. It became indistinguishable from being its own culture and ideology.

Which leads me to this: Red vs Blue, one of the most famous (if not The single most famous) webseries, and Homestuck, one of the most famous (or infamous) webcomics of all time are each reflective of these aspects in similar ways.

When talking about the directions, I mean the use of the internet as a medium to entertain vs a medium to communicate. Of course, these aren't mutually exclusive, but I bring them up because the internet nowadays is somewhat at war with itself in what it's becoming. You can point to any number of reasons for this (capitalism, reactionary mindsets, social media, etc etc), and you'd be correct, but the larger idea I'm referencing is that the internet, in a lot of ways, is alive. It grows and evolves with the culture around it, similar to how, say, societies or cities grow. It's no longer just a medium, but something we literally cannot live without. This is a blogging website that literally evolved into a social media website, and is now once again having its user base fall back into treating it like a blogging website. It's somewhat lost to us now, but the time of the internet where it's begun shifting towards being primarily a marketing tool is pretty recent. Things like youtube premium and their ad-free services (make a problem, sell the solution) are not even a decade old, but the sheer speed at which the internet evolves makes it seem like they've just been a fact of life forever. Ideas are always present, regurgitated, recycled, expanded on, reduced, and stretched and compressed in so many ways that it makes the internet feel simultaneously too fast and yet ageless.

But I'm getting ahead of myself: Red vs Blue and Homestuck are living relics in a lot of ways, reflective of a time long past where so many other original ideas and parodies have more or less faded from the collective internet audience. They also shockingly share many of the same methods of storytelling and hitting emotional beats, and in themselves are pioneers of how people on the internet create and share media.

Red vs Blue is the well-known parody of Halo where the guys at RoosterTeeth made self insert Halo OCs that do nothing but be deployed in Blood Gulch, stand around and talk. RvB is a veritable time capsule of charm, so much of the humor reflective of the early era of the internet. It's not out of place alongside the type of stuff you'd see emerge from places like Newgrounds, where many budding animators and game developers began to post their first ever works. Many people today may not look as fondly back on these times (and in fairness there Is dated humor), but there's a reason why even two decades later people still regard the series fondly: It was really funny. No joke, one of RvB's greatest strengths was the staying power it had in just being witty and creative with its humor. RvB was literally made out of a joke the crew had where they argued about whether the Halo Warthog should have been named a Puma because it looked more like a cat. And even when RvB put more stock into fleshing out its story and world building, even the most serious hard asses in the series would still be comedic in some way. What was most amazing about RvB though was that it was a fan work made out of love and yet was nothing more than a group of guys recording their voices over regular game play. Despite that, the genuine charm and effort of the series made it so beloved that even today people still hold RvB fondly in their hearts.

Homestuck follows a similar pattern: The first thousand or so pages are literally about the characters trying to turn on and play a game, and the shenanigans that come from giving a group of children the power to control reality through a game. Homestuck was an original comic idea that exploded in popularity, and similarly took more chances on its storytelling. The majority of MSPAdventures style comics aren't actually structured like a normal comic narrative would be, rather it's like watching a walk through of a point-and-click, Sierra style puzzle adventure game, only further compounded when Homestuck would also include actual flash mini-games into its story. Additionally, despite people knowing Homestuck nowadays for its infamy with its fan base or the absurd narrative, an underappreciated aspect of Homestuck is that it was also really comedic at times. They weren't afraid to poke fun at their own story and be meta, but not to such an overwhelming degree that it becomes a self-referential schlock of the characters pointing at the audience, winking and going "yeah we know we are in a fictional story".

The thing that makes these two series special is that, at their core, they're utterly genuine. They absolutely acknowledge the ridiculousness of the story they tell, but they also place an equal importance of those elements alongside their serious plot beats. Any seasoned RvB fan will encourage everyone that they must absolutely watch the first five seasons, because the more grounded and momentous story beats later don't work without them. In a similar vein, a good half of Homestuck is literally about the characters clicking through their rooms and saying random things. These stories are built around the ideas of characters just standing around and talking about nothing, and they don't work without that because it's a core element of the series to Be about nothing important. They weren't afraid to engage their audiences in more serious ways, where these comedic, ridiculous stories gained weight and stakes, and you found yourself caring for these characters in far deeper, meaningful ways compared to their humble beginnings. They were passion projects at the end of the day, which became successful as a byproduct because the original authors really didn't expect for these series' to become full on franchises.

Personally, I don't think that series' like these two could be made today. The internet is just too different now: These types of independent projects are far harder to make, and drowned among the extreme mass of other new media constantly released. More than anything, I feel like the online scene has become too... mean, for lack of a better word. Again, as previously mentioned there's tons of extraneous factors as per why someone might not want to commit to an incredibly long series where people might warn you that "it doesn't get good until xyz point", but people really do have increasingly higher expectations towards something being "the perfect piece of media". The reality is, it's no longer viable for a dude in his basement to hammer away at a profoundly strange piece of media that resonates deeply with other people. The relationships between creators and fans has also changed, so these independent projects can be far more affected by mass opinion. This is not a critique, an admonishment or anything, but just how I view the state of independent, ongoing storytelling creators. I can't remember the last time someone made their own website to host their independent passion project comic. Things just change, and it's not a good or bad thing, just a fact of life. In the same vein, there's many good stories and pieces of media today that couldn't have been made back then for any number of reasons.

I really hope this doesn't come across as a "nostalgia good/bad" or "watch new/old things" type post, mainly because I highly encourage people to continue dusting off their old blorbos and share what they loved so much about them. I just find this specific case interesting, because RvB and Homestuck are both timeless in so many of the same ways (RvB is technically still running, and Homestuck last I checked still had spinoffs being made), especially because they are something that really could have only been born in the time when the internet was beginning to fall into place as a place to be creative. If you look hard enough, I don't doubt you could find tons of references of these two series' in many other pieces of media, because their status as some of the oldest and wildest stories to come out of the early era of the internet where everyone was figuring out how to use it still holds true today.

It's also why I hope people who read this are encouraged to try writing out or drawing their own strange ideas for stories. It's true that many people want to see the same stories and ideas repeated over and over again, but many more, I believe, want to see wilder and more profound stories, ones that don't make sense, that aren't afraid to challenge their viewers, and even just make them laugh and think "man, that was fucking weird".

[rebelwheelssoapbox]

NYC Mayor Wants To Force People To Lower Their Mask (And Why This Is Not The Solution He Claims It Is)

Who hurt Mayor Adams and why does he go to such great lengths to cause so much harm to New York City? As an activist who loves their city, I prefer to shop at small local businesses versus the giant corporate chains, I realize how hard it is for a small business to make it (especially in these times) and how vital the movement to support them really is. That said, as a proud disabled woman who gets around via a motorized wheelchair, I sometimes have no choice but to shop at the larger chain stores due to accessibility issues. It only takes one step to prevent someone like me from having access to a store, but when I see that a small local business has put in the effort to get a ramp etc, it does not go unnoticed. But lately, Mayor Adams has added yet another obstacle for disabled people like me. I don't know what he hopes to accomplish by forcing store employees to harass customers like myself to lower our mask if we want to enter a store. While many people like to pretend that the pandemic is over (and I get it, we all want it to be, but fun fact: that's really not how this works), a lot of us do not have the luxury of such illusions. For people like us, wearing a mask is not optional. From the beginning of the pandemic, my safety as a disabled person has been at best an after thought. And now Mayor Adams wants to make it even harder by forcing people like me to lower our mask, which immediately puts me at risk for COVID. But he's not just harming people like myself. If I can't safely shop at the local stores, then I have no choice but to give my money to the larger online chains. As a result, smaller businesses will lose money, and is this really what Mayor Adams thinks the city needs right now? It also makes you wonder, where does the absurdity end? Many people for religious reasons cover their face (which is their prerogative.) Is the Mayor going to make store employees harass them as well? Will this policy be enforced consistently or will this turn into yet another form of profiling? Mayor Adams insists that this is being done in the name of public safety, but I think the majority of New Yorkers can see through that. After all, if the Mayor really wanted to reduce crime, then he wouldn't be so eager to massively cut funding to education and social services, while giving the NYPD an increased budget. More police has never been the answer, and if his goal was truly to reduce crime, then he would address the root issues as to why crime exists in the first place. Here's a hint: it has nothing to do with people wearing masks.

[image description a photo of New York CIty Mayor Eric Adams is stand outside. He is a bald man with brown skin, wearing a blue blazer with a white shirt. He is smiling and adjusting his collar. behind him you can see a sidewalk and various buildings that are blurry as he is the focus of the photo. ]

[horizontalsplash]

tell me one fun fact about all your ocs

kris what have you wrought i have at least 60. i’m going to need read more. this. oh boy oh man oh shit oh fuck it’s so many kris.

anyway. enjoy me actually using caps for once ig.

(in order from oldest to newest)

Ignacio (Cinnamon): He was a character from a very old story that I figured a backstory for way after I’d given up his story and how he just exists in another universe. Also he has a flamethrower. And invincible lungs. The invincible lungs are not plot relevant.

Amber: She is my only remaining female protagonist because I shot all the others with my enby beam. She does get a leather jacket as compensation though.

Mosaic: He has antlers and can make magic string. Just a little boy. Also he’s twelve.

Lil: They have giant round glasses that are cracked and broken. They cannot see. They’re a visual artist.

Glacia: Uh idk she’s got ice powers and pronouns.

Terra: Uh idk he’s got earth powers and pronouns. Specifically likes clay disks.

Woodwork: They have a reverse secret identity. Their public self is them in like a t-shirt and their private self has to cover their entire body by law.

Grady: He smokes whenever he wants to remember what it was like when his hometown burned down.

Silvia: Her hair is partially dyed bright aqua and pink and would also be blue, but is not because that would be considered impersonating monarchy.

Rebel: She exists solely because Feel It Still by Portugal. The Man played on the radio too many times.

Ash: She was almost married off to the royal family.

Ruben: They accidentally predicted my gender and (lack of) romantic orientation. They were also initially based off of K.O.

Chaos: I accidentally chose the same name for myself online as them without realizing and for completely different reasons. Also it’s technically the first character I made for its universe. And they like heart-shaped rocks.

Memns: They love popcorn to a concerning level. They are also twelve.

Quantum: They’re supposed to take inspiration from every horror character ever but actually look like none of them. She was also initially based off of P.K.O.

Heir: He knows everything there is to know about algebra ever. He was also initially based off of T.K.O.

Patricia: She lives in an endless green meadow.

The Lake: It is a lake. Possibly made of snakes. Don’t worry about it.

Ru: Representation of innocence. Forgets.

Rise: Loves electronic music and flashing lights.

Kaitlyn: She constantly carries a backpack with the most unnecessary shit in it, making her buff as fuck.

Aaron: He thinks e-boys are gender.

Antonio: He curls his hair because Charlotte (below) has curly hair and he’s a fanboy.

Em: She thinks blasting meme songs over school intercoms is the peak of humor.

Winter: Their head is connected to a giant database of information that they have to utilize and update. The more I think about it the worse it gets.

Elliot: He constantly wears formal clothes, regardless of the situation.

Pehr: Developing her has been hell. I gave her superpowers and then got rid of them. I gave her a name and then changed it. I don’t know what I’m doing but she exists.

Adelmar: He can shapeshift and usually grows either feathers and/or scales without thinking.

Stacey: They have a massive scarf collection.

Fen: I know she had OSDD and have no developed anything to do with that. She’s like. Two steps ahead of Pehr.

Lemongrass: His color palette is supposed to consist of highlighter colors, white, and muted pink to beige, but I haven’t ever drawn him full-body with color so I have no idea if it actually works. He is also twelve.

Thyme: For some reason I decided she would commit tax fraud despite being nine years old.

Inkberry: I’ve renamed him three times—Peppermint, Winterberry, and Inkberry.

Etta: She makes bangin’ nachos.

Piera: She likes opals.

King: He’s an unhinged nine-year-old. That’s it that’s the fun fact.

Charlotte: She can “tell the future” and didn’t know she was just reading people’s subconscious thoughts and predicting from there for 60 years. A 15-year-old had to tell her.

Telezing: Her favorite food is parsnips and honey mustard.

Dimitri: I associate him with white sweatshirts even though I’m pretty sure he doesn’t wear them anymore.

Crest: In the original concept of their story, null was originally an antagonist.

Kweli: Xe has a special interest in vampires and (theoretically) wants to become one, which becomes interesting when he finds out that they’re real (in xyr universe).

Coral: She’s part of a subculture based on fae and collects pronouns and names related to the color red.

Natalie: Her favorite drink is an orange creamsicle float.

TJ: He periodically gives people roses that remind him of them.

Jericho: He likes to stand intimidatingly by Delphin (below) and scare people. Delphin did not ask hir to do this.

Honey: She only owns brightly/elaborately decorated pants.

Delphin: He is gay and feminine but it has nothing to do with him being gay. He’s like. Barely grasped that that’s a stereotype.

Silence: She’s a giant red sea serpent eel siren. Kind of a MILF.

Styx: They’re able to sense and differentiate specific vibrations in the ground through their feet.

Jingle: He’s the only reason his story/universe went from being a concept to a full-fledged thing. Also he has severe mommy issues.

Licentia: She likes old and reused things.

Leuis: He knows basically everything there is to know about mushrooms ever.

Breiget: Ae makes handmade lace.

Thatch: They can read perfectly fine but are horrible at fitting the words together to understand what the meaning and context of sentences are.

Death: They’re 48 feet tall.

Anise: He has an interest in plants and paints them often, which is fine other than the fact that they try to strangle him a lot.

Hearth: She keeps a (usually lit) candle on her at all times.

Trick: They have a strange obsession with organs (instrument).

Zalif: She’s like five or something and more aware of her family’s issues than anyone else in their family.

Bee: She has only understood the concept of responsibility once.

Ell Alarie: I accidentally named her “Sell Salarie” without the s. She’s a capitalist.

Certamen: Deep down it really just wants to look nice.

Deflexus: He’s killed 37 people.

Competum: They only know Latin. This is normal for their species and situation. They are basic.

Shade: They’re uncannily good at making beverages.

Delanie: She used to live in Alaska.

Tobiastsi: His name is made up of all of his favorite sounds. It’s very much not pronounced how it looks but I can’t figure it out.

Beseech: She had a crush on a pair of twins, confessed to both of them, and got rejected by both of them.

Ono: She reincarnated into Teddy Roosevelt and is now living in shame about it.

[jodilin65]

TUESDAY, AUGUST 30, 1994 Boy, I can’t believe how many entries start off with “I’m in a great mood” since I’ve been here, but it’s true. One of the reasons I’m in a great mood now is cuz I got my period. The other’s cuz I’m only on Phase 2, but yet it’s a miracle already. I’m nowhere near as tight or as wheezy as I am in the mornings or at the end of my day.

Yesterday I rearranged all the photo albums. It took a few hours, but it was fun and well worth it.

Yesterday my back sure was killing me, my boobs were killing me and I had a ton of water retaining in me.

Yesterday I got an 11-page letter from Bob, but none from my mom yet.

Last night I checked Andy’s VM, he had 57 messages. I was asleep when he came in to get his tapes, so I know he made it in OK last night. I haven’t talked to him yet, though.

Still no calls from Fran. Great, huh? I don’t know if it’s cuz he’s lost his phone, or what, but I certainly don’t miss putting up with him.

Tom’s working on installing new stuff on the computer and he’s having fun with it. Later we’ll do the thank-you cards and work on the new cooler.

SUNDAY, AUGUST 28, 1994 Boy, have I got my work cut out for me! I still haven’t gotten my mom’s letter yet, but I began a letter to my parents a little while ago.

Tomorrow I’ll have been here one whole year!!!!

Andy’s got 47 messages on his VM and he’s going to have more later.

Tom downloaded some new fonts from America online before he went to work. He told me to go through them and write down the ones I didn’t like. There were only two I didn’t really like that were samples and some of them looked the same but had different names. I really like Old English and St. Frances.

Tom’s going to show me how to make word search puzzles soon. Supposedly it’s really easy. All you do is size it, tell it what words you want to seek out, and it’ll scramble it into a word search puzzle.

The C drive crashed, so Tom had to transfer what was on there to another drive. This is why I’m glad my journals are on the B drive, as the stuff is not stored on a main drive. It goes on a floppy disk.

Shall I do another book of letters? I’m thinking about it and if I do, I’ll use 79. Got a letter from Kim yesterday, thanking me for all those Bob letters. She said she read them all in just two sittings. Wow. I thought it’d take her 20 sittings.

Tom got a book on how to make your own books, pamphlets, boxes, etc.

Yesterday he worked a lot on the cooler, making major progress with it, and I helped.

Yesterday we also went out and I got two bras. Haven’t got new underwear yet.

I got a triad optical illusion book to color. It’s a lot like the one Kim gave me in Deerfield that I’ve been looking all over for.

Also got 3 new really nice journals. Now I have a total of 81!

Sex with Tom and I have been so much better. In fact, we broke another record. He came this morning! I’m sure he’d never lie about it, but it was a mild one where nothing really came out. He said it felt really good like he was cumming, then it instantly got soft. Women sometimes have very light orgasms, so it’s possible for a guy too, I’d guess.

I wrote up the messages for the thank-you cards for Margaret, Geneva, Char and Jim and Goldie and Al.

FRIDAY, AUGUST 26, 1994 Got another shocker in the mail today. A wedding card and check for $50 from Goldie and Al. It makes me wonder who else will shock me.

It’s kind of sad to know, though, that if we had a kid, no one from my side would send even a card. Oh well, as long as Tom and I are happy. That’s what really matters. Tom said that if we did have a kid, I’d have nothing to worry about. Yeah maybe, cuz Tom’s right about most things and my parents have been known to shock me in the past. They’ve surprised me over the last few years.

As of yet, I don’t expect to hear from any aunts, uncles or cousins, but that’s their choice.

Our new color-splash address labels came. They’re really nice and there are 5 different colors - pink, blue, green, peach and yellow. I put some in journals.

Later…

Tom got up at 5:30 and we made pork chops and French fries. Then he ate me out and worked on the computer before showering and going to work.

I lay out for nearly an hour and I did get a little color. It’s pretty hot out there, but the strangest thing about it was, was that I didn’t see one bee. Fine with me, though.

I just checked and Andy’s got 35 new messages and 4 saved ones. A co-worker of his has also left several messages. I never really knew just how many minutes you could use up on VM, but I know it’s a hell of a lot more than on a regular answering machine.

I really hope to get my mother’s letter today, but in the meantime, I sent Kim and Bob’s. Weekends are when I’m the busiest, so I may mail their letters every Friday, instead of every Monday. When I’d send them on Mondays, they’d usually get them on Thursdays. If I sent it on a Friday, they’ll probably get it on Tuesday. Tom says maybe even Monday. It’s weird how it only takes 2 days for me to get mail from MA or CT, but if I send mail there, it usually takes 4 days. It’s 4 days back and forth to FL seemingly, too.

I did some singing a little while ago. It started off a little strained, then not too bad at all.

It’s been really quiet around here lately. I love it. May God please keep it that way!

Well, I’ve really been into word search puzzles lately, so I think I’ll go do that and I’ll write more later.

Later…

Bummer! No letter from my mom. I got all junk mail today.

Tammy got her figurine in one piece. Thank God. I hope my parents are as lucky and get theirs in one piece, too.

THURSDAY, AUGUST 25, 1994 Last Tuesday Tom trimmed my hair! Yup, he sure did, believe it or not, and he did a great job. He trimmed off about an inch. Now I can really be on my way to healthy hair by having him trim it regularly. No more worrying about some hairdresser suddenly going scissor-happy and taking off a foot or more.

Yesterday I called and told Ma all about CD ROM which we finally got, but I’ll get to that later. She asked if we’d gotten anything for our wedding from anyone she knows. She also commented on the thank you card that we sent them saying that that’d be nice to send to anyone that sends us anything.

At first I thought that it was kind of strange of her to bring that up since the wedding was almost 3 months ago. Then, the mail came and then I knew why she was bringing it up. Can you believe we got a card and check for $50 from Charlotte and Jim R?! This sure caught me off guard and came as a huge surprise, but at the time, it’s a bummer to know no one would send us shit if we were expecting a kid. Ma’s bad-mouthed the shit out of me to so many people for so long, that in their eyes, I could never be fit to be mother material.

I typed them a quick letter on all that’s been going on since I came here and when Tom gets up I’ll see if he can print out a thank you card with our wedding pictures on it. I don’t want to wait on this, though, so if I have to, I’ll just send the letter.

He’s been so busy. He hasn’t yet done up thank you cards for his mom’s two sisters, the 3-D postcards for Dave and Evie, Lisa’s letter, or my letter.

Anyway, Tom got up at 5 AM yesterday to show me CD ROM. It’s amazing! I mean, it is just so cool and it’s a tangible thing that shows me that my dream may still be achievable after all. It’ll take time and work, but it’s like having a quality home recording studio. It has a karaoke thing in it and you can record on different tracks just like they do in studios and on and on. It does lots of different things. We can’t make CDs yet cuz what we’d need to do it with costs a couple of grand. However, the prices will come down, but for now, we can go through the steps that come before the actual making of a CD.

I never thought in my wildest dreams that I could share my dream with the one I love, while we combine both our goals and dreams. While he’s promoting my singing, he can promote his programming and other things he does. I picked out some music to start with and he’s putting it into the computer without having to play it. Then somehow I’ll sing to the music and he’ll mix and arrange it to however it sounds best.

Yesterday for the first time in what seems and feels like ages, we had great sex. And I mean, great sex. We always say we’ll keep up on it regularly, but never do cuz of life’s unexpected happenings, but I hope that’ll change. I sure got my cake and ate it too, as he went down there and ate me out, as well as went in there. There was no pain or pressure at all. Especially when we do it on the living room couch. That’s a lot easier than the bed.

Ma said she mailed the letter she wrote to me, so I hope I get that today. I wonder what she has to say. I guess the usual everyday stuff.

TUESDAY, AUGUST 23, 1994 I sure thought I was going to puke a while ago! My heart was booming too, but after laying down I felt better.

Again I didn’t sleep too long. Maybe 5 for hours. I figure, though, my body wouldn’t have woken up if it were that tired. The bad thing about it is, is that it shoots my whole day with Tom. I’ve been up since 8 PM.

Yesterday when I woke up, I had gone the longest I’d ever gone without my meds. I was 6 hours overdue on it. I woke up very wheezy and was scared, even though I knew I wasn’t in any real trouble. I thought it would take a couple of hours, though, to get it under control, so I asked Tom to please leave as I didn’t want him to have to deal with it too. He said he’d rather stay to take care of me, closed his eyes, put his hands on my chest and it stopped. It just suddenly stopped. It was amazing.

Later…

Yuck! Gross! I threw up a little while ago. Luckily it wasn’t that bad. Tom heard me and came out nauseous, too. He didn’t throw up, though, which was nice. His is due to too much acid in his stomach and we think I fried the wrong foods. I fried fish sticks from a TV dinner and he suggested that it could be processed differently and not for fryers. Plus, there were no frying instructions on the box for frying.

Hang on while I go brush my teeth.

Later…

OK, that’s much better. Tom went back to bed. I feel much better and I can breathe OK and I’m not too tired.

Tom said not to worry about us losing time together cuz it’ll all work out. Well, his encouragement does help.

I think I’ve been going about the Phase-Out wrong. I’m supposed to draw on the cigarette before the holes and not cover them up with my lips. This way the hot air inside the cig mixes with the cooler air outside the cig to create condensation to trap the tar, nicotine, and carbon monoxide before they can get into my lungs.

I noticed stretch marks on the tops and sides of my breasts and asked Tom why it was so when I’ve never lost 40-50 pounds of “boob weight.” He said it’s cuz I never wear a bra, but not to worry about it. Well, I’m not worried, but I thought about it. I’m wearing a bra now, as support for any part of the body’s good just like when I wear the tummy/back supporter. It also helps relieve the soreness I get before that time of the month. I need new panties, so maybe sometime I can get matching bra/panty sets.

MONDAY, AUGUST 22, 1994 I taped the Barbara Streisand concert for my parents. I also typed a letter for Bob, so I’ve got letters going out to him, Kim, Lisa and Brian. I’m too tired to write anymore right now, but I will in an hour or so.

Later…

I just worked out a little while ago. The next time I work out two days from now, I’ll be adding the fourth and final weight. It’s pretty heavy now.

I spoke to Tammy, too.

When I showed Tom the thing I typed up which I copied in, he said he needs to work on communicating himself better to me. When I asked him if he was mad about it, he said no cuz he’d never be mad at me for expressing my feelings. Other than that, things are fine. He was in a good mood last night and this morning. I was, too. He grabbed my butt and squeezed it this morning and said he hopes we can have sex soon. Me too. I just get frustrated at times cuz of what I wrote before. I also want it practically all the time. I never thought I’d be like that and I wish at times that I didn’t have such an appetite.

He said he could feel my hipbone, unlike ever before. That’s cool, but I still wish my thighs and belly would go down. I still have some craters in the backs of my thighs too, and I weigh 102.

I cleaned Tom’s ears with peroxide and alcohol. The concoction Brenda taught me.

Piggles and I went for a swim earlier while Tom was in the shower.

Tom said that within a couple of days, he’s going to type up a response to all I typed up. He said don’t worry, though, it was all good stuff and he’s already thought about what he’s going to say. That’s cool and I’ll copy it in here.

I killed a huge daddy-long leg that was in my room by my speaker. I sang. I changed the sheets. I set the VCR up to record Andy’s shows, and that’s about all for now.

I hope I get the letter Ma said she did for me, but I doubt I’ll get it until later this week.

Where the fuck is our wedding pictures?! Tomorrow Tom and I will have to call them in Vegas and see where the hell they are.

Tomorrow we’re going to the post office to mail my parent’s tape of Barbara. Also, the figurines for my parent’s anniversary and Tammy’s b-day.

I may get my hair trimmed, too. It really needs it.

SUNDAY, AUGUST 21, 1994 Yesterday I was up for nearly 20 hours and when I fell asleep it was only for 5½ hours, so I’m pretty beat.

I got a letter from Lisa which I copied into 35. It’s so sweet, and she sent Tom one, too. I’ve written her back and Tom says he’s going to write her back.

Later…

It is now only 12:33 AM, but I will be copying this into my journal as is, after Tom reads what I’m going to type here. Why am I doing this? Well, I think it’s something that can help me and Tom. This way Tom can read what I write about my feelings so he won’t have to say to himself, “Now how did she word that?” or “What did she say she thinks or feels about this or that?” Sometimes it’s easier to keep track of written words, rather than spoken words. It’s kind of like what a grocery list does. You have a damn good idea of what you need, but a list allows you to always see it, so you’ll be sure to remember and better understand it. I won’t do this regularly. Only when there are things going on that are confusing.

Do I expect Tom to do this, too? No. Only if he wants to cuz I don’t want him to ever do something he may not want to do. Also, I understand that he has little time to do this and that writing and typing are more my things than his.

OK, there are 3 issues that have me somewhat or very confused as far as what Tom and I want and agree on. Other than that, I am very happy with my life and know I’m the luckiest son of a bitch alive and that Tom’s one in millions. The 3 topics I will write about are sex, having a kid, and company.

When I discuss all these topics I’ll be saying how I feel about them. Both the ups and downs on them, etc. I’m also going to say what I think Tom feels, but I fully understand that I could be wrong. Therefore, after he reads this, I hope he’ll correct me with the things that are wrong, so I’ll learn more about him and understand him better.

Sex…

I have mixed emotions about this, just like the other two subjects. I want to do it almost every day, yet I also want to never do it again. Right now I feel like the only thing that’s good about it is when he licks me. The thing I feel that greatly improved is his getting in there. It’s getting easier and easier and much less painful. But how do I think I make him feel? Like shit, if not close. It’s been about a year now and he still can’t cum. Does this make me feel confident and normal? No. What’s confusing me about it? Well, he says he doesn’t want to hit on me for sex. I feel the same way cuz I don’t want to make him think that we can only have sex when I want it. He says he wants to be spontaneous, but he also says stuff like, we’ll do it tomorrow or at such and such a time. He says when he lays down with me it could very well be a signal. But how do I know that? How do I know that he doesn’t just want to talk? If not, who makes the first move? Should I ever make a move when I’m almost positive he’s too tired, or should I wait and see if he does? If one of us wants to do one thing and the other wants to do another, should we both do what we want? Or should only one of us? And if only one of us, then who? When’s the right time during sex to suggest that I do certain things to him or that he do certain things to me? When should he just do whatever and when should I just do whatever without saying anything about it? If he goes to do something to me that I don’t feel like doing, should I tell him not to do it, or should I let him do it if it makes him happy? Should I ask him, for example, if when I’m doing him by hand if it’s too light or too hard? Or should I just let him let me know? Another thing is that I feel that he thinks that I think sex should only please me and that’s far from true, otherwise I wouldn’t care that he hasn’t cum and want to know what he likes. And doesn’t like, for that matter. Another thing, for example, is that he’s told me he couldn't care less about my hair, meaning he doesn’t care if it’s long, short, braided, etc. but is there something else he may care about that may arouse him? Anything, no matter how common or unique, like red lipstick, a blue G-string, or a black shirt? Does this make me wish Tom could magically turn into a woman when we go to have sex? Not at all, cuz sex is sex, regardless of what gender you do it with and it’s complicated with anyone. Plus, sex is more about whom you do it with, not what you do it with. That’s at least how I see it.

Well, that’s all my questions and feelings about that.

Having a kid…

This one’s the most complicated of all, cuz there’s so much more to it. Sometimes I think Tom wants a kid, sometimes I think he doesn’t. I think that’s normal, though, cuz I feel the same way. When I feel sick or tired, I’m glad I don’t have one. Or when Tom’s too busy working his ass off with little free time at all for even us. He said he wasn’t glad he didn’t have a kid and said he was concerned about what my reaction would be if we found out I was pregnant, but then just the other day, he mentioned using rubbers cuz he didn’t want one now or in 9 months. I can see him not wanting one now, but I thought he doesn’t usually get in the habit of trying to predict what he’d want in 9 months from now. So do I not avoid fate and the possibility of getting pregnant? Or do we rubber it up? I don’t know why Tom would or would not want a kid, but here are the pros and cons I came up with after thinking about it:

Cons:

Fear of miscarriage and the pregnancy killing me.

Fear of the pain and dying in labor or delivery.

Fear of losing Tom cuz I’d be a bitch carrying it and fear of losing him during having it and after cuz of the stress of it, lack of sleep and me being so fat.

Fear of the kid coming in between us and making us fight more.

Fear of us not having any time together.

Fear of postpartum blues and being a sexual turn-off.

Fear of lack of sleep.

Fear of losing our lives and not being able to afford it.

I don’t know anything about raising or caring for kids.

Pros:

A life and a responsibility to take care of and teach and watch grow with Tom and when I’m home alone bored.

Despite the fears I’d have, the curiosity of having a life growing inside me and having it.

A great learning experience for me.

The sense of knowing there’s someone I can take care of, instead of someone always taking care of me.

Instead of listening to and doing for other people’s kids, I could listen to and do stuff for my own.

Playing with it and learning different things as far as caring for it step by step with each year and its different ages.

Hoping and praying that I’d be the best mom I could be and breaking people’s beliefs that I’d be just like my mom (though I don’t worry what others think that much).

A human thing created with the one I love, rather than an object that’s ours like the computer or the TV.

Being there for it when it’s sick, sad, or makes a major accomplishment in life, be it personal or something it’s learned.

That concludes that one, but I still feel I’m sterile only cuz it’s hard to believe otherwise. It’s like with me being in Arizona. I never ever believed that could happen and it still blows my mind.

Company…

This is the least confusing one. We’ve recently done our share of talking about this, but there are still a few more baffling things about it.

First of all, here’s the #1 important thing I can say for both of us. I know Tom would never play daddy and tell me I can’t go somewhere, or do something or see someone. I love him for that. My thing is that I’d never leave without at least a day’s notice or several hours or if there was something going on where my attention was demanded here at home. The only time I’d suddenly leave would be if Tom was asleep or working and I know I could be back in time for him to be around (or very close enough). Or for example, if Andy or Larry called while Tom was sitting right there and they asked if I wanted to go somewhere and Tom said, “Sure. No problem. There’s nothing going on right now that can’t wait or immediately needs your attention.”

Tom’s made it sound like I’ve had lots of company since we’ve been married, but I counted since we’ve been together. Before there was that piece of paper, there was us, and we’ve been together for about a year. Here’s how I see my visitor track record. I won’t count Andy cuz he’s local and there’s never been a problem with Andy that I’ve known of. He’s never taken our time or taken me away from something important.

Kim, Phil and Alex were here for 3 days and Larry was here twice. Out of 1 year, I’ve been around here at the house 98% of the time as far as I see it. I asked Tom if he was jealous and he said no. Now, I’m sure Tom would come out and say it if he was, but I still get the feeling that he might be cuz of certain comments he makes, like, “Nobody takes me places.” Here’s an example. I’ll make up to further explain why I thought he was jealous. Let’s make pretend Andy’s here and he’s at work and he knows Andy’s here. Tom feels left out and then in a way takes that “left out” feeling out on me. Well, I hope he knows that there are times when I and everyone feels left out, but that doesn’t stop him from being my #1. Of course, my first choice is to go places with him, but I think everyone should have a right to their friends and family occasionally too, and I think he knows how I feel about that. He sees his family way more than I do and they all live here, for the most part, so I think he understands how I feel.

There were two other shocking things he said, that in my mind are far from true. He said I’ve got lots of friends and this whole other life that he’s not a part of. No way. I’ve got only Andy as a friend and I have no life at all other than my hobbies and chores here at home. There have been countless times when I’ve been home alone bored, wishing Tom were here, wanting to talk, wanting sex, wanting us to be in business, wanting to be a singer, wanting a kid, etc. He’s more a part of my life than anyone’s ever been. Even more so than Andy.

The other thing was that he said he was afraid he couldn’t count on me to help with the business if Kim stopped in, for example. You’re talking once every year or two, though, for 1-3 days. People put their regular life on hold much more frequently than that without falling too far behind in housework, their loved ones, etc. My parents have lots of company and don’t always travel together and they’re happy, so it can be worked out. Also, my brother, I guess I’ll only see 1-3 times a year.

I will use my best judgment possible when it comes to someone wanting to come here or take me somewhere, but all I can say is that I’d never put them over Tom. It’s just like when Tom goes away to work for 12 hours for 4 days out of the week. I still know that that doesn’t mean he puts his job over me.

To conclude all I’ve written, well, I know the easiest thing to do would be to never have sex, never have a kid, and never have company. Do I really want to do that, though? No. I believe in “no pain, no gain.” I’d really like to take the cons that go with the pros of all 3 of these things and try to get rid of all the cons I could in the meantime about each one. I don’t want to keep being a procrastinator or chickening out, despite how easy that is to do.

SATURDAY, AUGUST 20, 1994 Today I begin Phase 2.

I got up late today, and as of now, Andy should be in Springfield. The poor guy must be exhausted after flying and riding in a car for a total of 9 hours.

I taped his shows today and I’ll be doing that all next week, as well as Monday the 29th. When I went to check to see that his shows weren’t cut short at the end or the beginning, which they weren’t, boy did I get a hell of a view for the first second of the tape! Like I said, he’s renting a camcorder. Last night he told me he filmed himself beating off so he could see what it looked like from someone else’s point of view. Then he said he erased it but I’ve learned a lot lately about videotaping. For example, if I taped a movie, rewound it back to the beginning, taped another movie over it, you’d no doubt see a second or two of what was originally on the tape. He’s still going to film in here when he returns, by the way.

I’m going to go watch TV, then I’ve got some other stuff to write about.

Later…

I watched Tales from the Crypt and I’m now ready to write more. Tom and I are going to work on the sides of Piggy’s cage tomorrow so that the sawdust can’t keep getting out. Actually, we may work on it later on this morning.

I began to copy some of the pictures of animals and cartoon characters he downloaded. I’ve done about 7 of them so far and so far my luck’s been good. They’re coming out nicely.

My mother called a few hours ago to tell me that yes, she would like me to tape the Barbara Streisand concert that’s to be on HBO for two hours this Sunday. I had mentioned it to them before and asked if they wanted it, but she didn’t. Guess she changed her mind.

She also said that she had just got done writing a letter to me. Oh my God! With it being a once-in-a-lifetime thing for her, I figured I’d never get a letter from either of them until next year. That’s cool, though, and I look forward to it.

I typed letters to Kim and Brian and speaking of changing minds, well, Kim’s in for a hell of a surprise, but let me go have a cig first.

Later…

I had my smoke and did a few more drawings.

As you know, I decided to keep all of Bob’s letters in a notebook. Well, I’m filling up the rest of #35 and was so bored when I began copying what I’ve got. I figured - why keep so many copied letters? So, today I mailed out a manila envelope stuffed with letters. Kim will be really busy with that. Because she’s never home, it’ll probably take her months to go through them all.

So, what shall I do now? I think I’ll go do some editing. I definitely need some coffee first to go with the event. Editing’s so boring for the most part.

Later…

I just did a little editing and had some coffee. Now I’m going to go look back and see if I can find the date of when I had my last asthma attack, so I can be psyched when it’s been 1 whole year!

Later…

I found the date of my last attack where I had to call 911. It was November 16th. I’ve gotta make it to the 1-year marker. Please, God, let me?!

Later…

I wish Tom would get up now. I’m bored and although there’s stuff I could do, I really don’t feel up to doing it now. Maybe I’ll go draw some more. Sure, why not?

I’ve now got about 15 drawings done. Some look really good and others are just so-so. Now I’m a bit drained, so I’m going to lie down till Tom gets up.

FRIDAY, AUGUST 19, 1994 Boy, did I sleep late. I was up for a very long time too. I fell asleep at almost 9 AM and slept 10 solid hours until 7 PM. Guess I was exhausted cuz I very seldom ever sleep that long.

Tom and I chatted and fooled around. He also downloaded some pictures which I’m going to try to copy for kids’ computer coloring books.

Got my new SS card today as well as my license. This picture looks a bit better.

I sure got mail from Bob today. Like 12 pages’ worth. I also got a 2-page letter from Brian. Last night I copied some into #35. I’ll probably do more later.

Tom got a 1-month sample time/day planner in the mail today for the month of September. The thing a busy executive would use. It’s pretty neat, though, and we may get it for a whole year.

Tom went to bed at 10:00, then an hour later Andy came over. He brought chocolate-covered nuts from Joan and 7 tapes for me to tape his soaps. He leaves tomorrow at 2:30.

I’m doing laundry and hanging stuff out on the line. It’s fun and I don’t mind. Plus it saves us a little bit of money by not using the dryer. It’s just something else to do.

I did my workout with the 3 weights.

I’m psyched for Phase 2 on Saturday.

THURSDAY, AUGUST 18, 1994 I did a little editing. On one of my completed convo tapes, I have a convo with me and Nervous and another with me, Nerv and Fran. Both are so incredibly boring. Nervous is no fun in these convos cuz he was unusually calm and friendly, so right now I’m erasing them. I just run it through on play and record. This way it’s less confusing if I erase something I don’t want.

I just took my meds and boy do I like these time-release capsules better. They seem to work better. My stomach feels better being able to take these with food.

I think I’ll go decorate more envelopes in which Bob’s letters will be mailed.

Later…

I decorated one more envelope with my colored pencils.

I’m also erasing a portion of the other side of the tape. I’ll end up erasing one whole side, plus half of the other side.

I just had an idea. Well, every now and then I get in the mood to write but don’t really have much to write about. Journal #35 is only half full, so maybe I’ll go copy in there some letters I haven’t copied. I was using it for phone numbers, but there’s still plenty of room in #53 for phone numbers.

WEDNESDAY, AUGUST 17, 1994 Yesterday was Tammy’s 37th b-day. I spoke with her and she was telling me about some of the things she got.

Today I went for a doctor’s appointment and I got 11 refills on my meds! That’s a year’s supply. They gave me the Theodur in capsule form, rather than in tablets and the good news about it is that I can eat with it.

On 9/7 I’ll be going to an ear specialist to ask questions about my ear.

Not too much else is going on. I’m recording a movie for Tom right now and now I think I’ll go listen to tunes, then make a pot of tea.

Later…

I did my workout routine and in a little while from now, I’ll take a bath. I could use some freshening up.

I was just listening to some edits while I colored up a few more pages in here. Perhaps I’ll do more editing later. It has been a while and I have some ideas to try out.

Tom mentioned something about getting up early to do laundry as well as computer work. Maybe I’ll be up when he gets up. If I am, I hope he’s in the mood for fun. We haven’t had any in nearly two weeks cuz we’ve both been so busy.

Andy left a message earlier about coming over today to hang out by the pool. I called back to let him know that sounds good, but I may sleep late tomorrow. I’ll call him when I get up. He’s now officially on his vacation.

Well, that’s all for now. Now I’m going to go finish my tea and take a bath. I’ll write more later.

Later…

I decided not to take a bath right now. I just stopped the VCR from recording and now I’m not sure what I’ll do.

Tammy had said something about mailing off a letter Lisa wrote to me. I hope I get that tomorrow as well as letters from Bob and Kim.

When the fuck is our wedding pictures going to get here? If they don’t come this week, I’m calling Vegas to give them a piece of my mind.

Later…

I just did two drawings. Both were women. One’s OK, but the other’s a nightmare. Now, I’m finally going to do some editing.

Tom will be home any time now, but in the meantime, I thought I’d write. I got up at 1 PM today. Andy and I talked earlier. He’s rented a camcorder and may come over later after Tom’s gone to bed to film. I’d really like to film the house and my wall drawings to send to Tammy and my parents.

Earlier I also did some typing on #51.

I took a much-needed shower, brushed out and straightened my hair.

I don’t really have anything else to say right now. Just that I’m bored out of my mind. I hope Tom will be in the mood to play around when he gets home, but we’ll see. He’s probably going to be too tired.

I made up some fried shrimp a while ago. It was so good, but I’m still hungry, so I’ll go make up something else.

Later…

I thought Andy said he was coming over tonight, but he meant tomorrow night. Friday he takes off.

Tom’s going to call in sick from work tomorrow so he can do more work on the cooler and also do some computer programming.

This Saturday I begin Phase 2 of the Phase-Out program. I will have two holes punched into the filter.

Tomorrow I add the third weight to the leg and bun firmer as part of my workout program. I’m disappointed to have to say that when I was at the doctor’s office I was weighed at 104. I took my measurements a little while ago and here’s what they are: thighs 20½, hips 33½, waist 25¾. That sucks and I’d really like to reduce these measurements by 2-3 inches.

I tried Tom’s weekly experiment earlier. He bought instant coffee with a box of different flavors you add to the coffee. You don’t need to put milk or sugar in it. Well, I didn’t anyway. It was a little bitter and not what I’m used to. There was French Vanilla, Mocha Almond, Irish Crème, and Amaretto. The last two taste like cough syrup, but I’ll check them out. In the meantime, Tom won’t be buying it again. I remember during 1986-1988 when I used to see Nervous almost every day, the two of us were really into cinnamon coffee, but it was brewed. Not instant.

Well, I think I’ll go do other things for now and probably return later to write more.

MONDAY, AUGUST 15, 1994 Tom just got up, and believe it or not, I was playing a little guitar. I’m getting really tired, though, so I expect to go to sleep soon.

Later…

Got up at 1:30 today. I quickly spoke to Tammy. I sent her a message on Prodigy and I also wrote up the last 7 postcards (3-D) to my parents, Bob, Kim, Tammy & Bill, Lisa, Becky and Sarah.

Tom came home early from work beat and has gone to bed. Now I need to go pee and I may go for another swim.

Posted by Jodi at 6:13 PM No comments: Email This BlogThis! Share to Twitter Share to Facebook Share to Pinterest SUNDAY, AUGUST 14, 1994 Tomorrow’s workout day. I do it every other day and I’m up to 2 weights out of the 4 on the thighs. I’ll be at 3 in a few days.

On the 20th, it’ll be time for Phase 2. That means 2 tiny holes in the filter for 2 weeks.

Last night I was playing around with the 3-D postcards. It blurred into a multi-level, but I still couldn’t see the hidden image.

I took my colored pencils and decorated Bob’s envelopes with different colors. Last night I colored the outsides of my next book. Instead of gold-trimmed pages on a few of my journals, I now have one with lots of colors. My next journal has no lines in it and I may use calligraphy pens from time to time.

I tried sleeping a while ago but had no luck.

I asked Larry again, and he did say that Ma wanted to ride with him. Probably just her, though, as Dad will stay behind with the dogs. Really? They know a million people. Can’t they find someone to dog-sit for them?

I’m really bummed that Tom couldn’t meet Larry and Jenny. I sure hope they can meet the next time. However, the next time around, the kids could be in school and Larry could maybe be by himself.

Well, now it is time for a very big jump. We’re going all the way to journal 76 now!

Later…

Got up at 10:30 today. I told Tom all about seeing Larry and Jenny. He’s now taking a nap.

Other than that, there’s not much else to tell. I was just watching some TV and now I’m kind of bored. Guess I’ll go do some computer work now.

Later…

Tom just got up a little while ago and I just got out of the tub. It rained here today and rain always makes me feel yucky. I’m now finally starting to wake up now that the sun has set and I took a bath to freshen up.

I recorded a movie earlier and in about 15 minutes I’m going to record another.

What else can I say? Well, I’m in the mood to write, but I just can’t think of anything to write about.

Later…

Tom just ran out to get smokes and right now I’m kind of frustrated. I slept till 11:30 today and I really wanted to get up at 8 AM every day. I’ll just have to make myself, even if it means 4 hours of sleep for a while. Not much else is going on at this point. I think I’ll just watch TV for a while. Later on, I may do some more writing.

SATURDAY, AUGUST 13, 1994 We got a killer electric bill today of $425. Ugh! I told Tom to just switch over to the EC and that I’ll just have to get used to it and keep adjusting to this climate as I’m going to live here for the rest of my life.

I got up today at 11:30 and so far all I’ve done is take a shower and type Kim a letter.

My brother still hasn’t called yet, so his visit here is still up in the air. I’ll put my face on soon, anyhow.

Tom’s working on getting the other EC in. Although they say it’s only 100º, it’s 37% humid, so it feels like 110º. It’s deathly hot and humid in the house, so I’m really looking forward to the other EC being installed.

I just put the fan full blast by the foot of the bed. Now I feel much better.

Tom’s taking a shower right now, then I’ll go put my face on.

Later…

I’m kind of bored right now, just passing time and seeing if Larry calls.

Tom’s out of the shower and he’s now watching TV. When he’s indoors, he’s pretty much either at the TV or the computer.

The humidity in here just knocked down my journal chart. That’s OK, though, cuz after I finish this book I’ll have to update it.

Tom’s not in the greatest mood right now cuz he’s very overworked and we may have company. Tom’s not really any more into company than I am.

Sometime tomorrow I’ll type a letter to my parents. What shall I do right now? Oh, I don’t know. Just be bored and lazy, I guess.

Later…

I wish my brother would hurry the fuck up and call if he’s coming. I hate waiting. I feel like I’m in a doctor’s office.

Later…

I guess my brother isn’t coming, so I’m going to go for a swim.

Later…

I went for that swim I needed. Yup, I did and now I feel much better. More so cuz we switched back to the AC. The EC makes it too damn humid in August. It felt like someone took a wet sheet, heated it up to 200º, then wrapped it around me. This is the very type of weather, climate, and feeling I wanted to escape from.

Still no call from Larry, so who knows where the hell they are?

I started a shopping list and tomorrow Tom’s going to shoot on over to the grocery store after work. He’ll be going in at 5 AM for 5-6 hours.

Later…

Tom went to bed a short while ago.

It feels so much better in here now that the AC is back on.

I think I’ll go type up a letter to my parents now.

Later…

Guess who was here an hour ago? Yup, Larry and Jenny. I really stressed it upon him to call first and I’m bummed Tom couldn’t meet them. He said they were scouting the area when he recognized and remembered the way. They were only here for a little while, but it was so good to see them. Jenny’s only 2” shorter than me and boy is her hair long! It’s down to her lower butt. She looks a lot like Sandy. She’s skinny, but her face is very plain. Larry’s hair is now as long as Tom’s and he had it in a ponytail.

Tom and I may go to see his parents tomorrow.

I typed a 3-page letter to my parents. I had just finished printing it out when they came, so I quickly added on the back of their letter that they had just come.

I asked Larry if he still wanted Tom to write down directions and he said he’d remember. They’re now heading for Arkansas, then to Mom and Dad’s. I’ll eventually get to see Sandy and Larry.

Later…

I’m wide awake and probably will be for a while.

I forgot to check Prodigy for any mail I might have gotten. I’ll do that now, then I’ll go watch some TV.

I hope Lisa got her tapes by now and enjoys them.

I forgot to mention that in Larry’s truck were many boxes of whipped cream. Guess that’s just what he was delivering. They also had a very very small dog with them. It was so cute and I very fearlessly picked her up. Brandy’s her name. That seems to be a popular name for animals.

Later…

I just watched a little TV and went for another swim.

I haven’t checked Prodigy yet cuz I’m getting kind of tired, believe it or not. I know, though, that I’ll be up for several more hours.

A little while ago I had a sneezing fit. Tom said he thinks I may need antibiotics. I agree. I know what I need right now. A nice hot steaming cup of coffee. I haven’t had any at all today.

Later…

This visit went so much better, not that the first one with Larry alone was bad, but everyone was so relaxed. I can now really see what I’ve always figured. I’m his favorite sister. That makes me feel good, but sad for Tammy. If my brother was given two choices, one being to be paid to see Tammy, the other paying to see me, he’d pay to see me.

FRIDAY, AUGUST 12, 1994 Got two letters from Kim today and I also spoke to my parents. It’s their 43rd anniversary. I told them their present would soon be on its way. The figurines are done now. All I have to do is pack and ship them and pray they arrive there in one piece.

Larry called today. He was in Phoenix, but couldn’t find his way here. Jenny was with him. He said if they found their way here, I could’ve gone with them to CA and returned home tomorrow. Sounds cool but I wouldn’t want to just suddenly desert Tom. They’re going to try to stop by tomorrow in the late afternoon. That’d be even better, so Tom could meet them, too. I talked to Jenny for a few minutes, too. Larry said he may bring Mom out and that she wants to ride with him. When? I don’t know.

I finished my project in #71.

Later…

I’m still up, but not for long. I went for a swim a little while ago.

I got a 3½-page letter ready to go out to Bob on Monday. Over the weekend, I’ll type letters to Kim and my folks. I did a little typing on #51.

Spoke with Andy who’s psyched at the thought of having only 6 more days till he goes home. He had planned on stopping to see Tammy, but now he’s not sure if he’ll have the time to do so.

He really liked the 3-D postcard I sent him and he wants to get some, too. My dad said he’s still trying to figure his out.

I’ve got some color now, but I really wish I had the color that Tom and Andy have.

You know what I should do right now? While I’m still waiting to get even more tired than I am, I should write as many names as I can think of in case I ever do end up doing an autobiography. I still doubt I ever will, but I’ll try to go beyond those 48 names a few pages back. Even if I barely knew them, knew them long, or if they’re jerks, good people or both. I remember some people’s names and what they looked like but there are also so many people’s faces I see, but I can only remember their first or last names only.

Posted by Jodi at 9:12 AM No comments: Email This BlogThis! Share to Twitter Share to Facebook Share to Pinterest THURSDAY, AUGUST 11, 1994 Well, today’s Nervous’s birthday. Andy asked if I was going to call him. What’s the point? Crystal will just hog the phone and not let us talk. With Crystal and the distance between us, it’ll never be like old times. He’s a closed chapter now.

Tomorrow’s my parent’s anniversary, so I’ll call there tomorrow. I finished their figurines as well as Tammy’s.

Tomorrow’s also asshole Fran’s birthday. I still can’t believe he hasn’t called, but tomorrow he may try thinking I’ll be all sweet and friendly to him just cuz it’s his b-day. He’ll have thought wrong, though, cuz I’ll hang up on him.

I called SS and someone was supposed to call me back, but never did. What else is new with them?

Tonight I’m recording 6 hours’ worth of TV for times I get bored or lazy.

Today Andy was over. We were out by the pool where I got more color.

I got no mail today, but we mailed out more of those 3-D postcards. I began two pages of Bob’s letter and by Monday I’ll finish that as well as do one for Kim and my parents. I’ll be back to write more later.

WEDNESDAY, AUGUST 10, 1994 Just thought I’d take a break from the project I’ve been working on to get up to date on some of the things that have been going on. First of all, the major project I’m working on is in #71. I’ve randomly picked 48 people that I’m writing 2 pages about. Of course, I couldn’t pick everyone, so I just chose the first 48 people I could think of. Some of them are negative, positive, or both. Some I knew briefly, some all my life. Some are family, friends and acquaintances, lovers and enemies.

BOL #11 is done and from now on, all letters will go in a 3-ring binder or a manila envelope. I have a grand total of 293 letters! With the ones I haven’t copied, I know I’m just over the 300-mark! Wow! That’s a lot of letters.

Anyway, it’s a real sauna outside and very quiet. Tom said he thinks they took off next door a couple of days ago. He said the kids were all in the van and they were putting in boxes. Yeah, I think they did take off somewhere. Cool.

Yesterday I went to get a new license with my new name. They took another picture and I hope this one came out better.

We went to SS for a new SS card in the new name. He had to get a new one too, cuz he lost his a while ago.

Speaking of SS I called them today to find out what the hell’s going on. Am I on it or off it? She said I’m listed as on it, but I’ve got to call back tomorrow to talk to someone else. Like Tom said, if someone wants to give me money, I’ll take it.

Later…

I just did some laundry, so now I can write some more. Yesterday we ordered these colorful splash labels that say Tom & Jodi Lin S. Also a Post-it pad of paper. That says, Tom & Mystery.

We picked up two of the same kinds of figurines of a cactus with a narrow flowerpot behind it. One’s for Tammy for her birthday and the other is for my parents for their anniversary. I ran out of paints, though, so it’s delayed. I sent them cards saying that their gifts would be late. Tammy, who I talked to today, asked if I sent them anything and said she just sent a card. I gave her one hint about her gift and theirs. I said “paint” and she asked why she’d need paint. She asked if it was a picture. I said no, then quickly changed the subject. She’s no doubt going nuts trying to figure out what the hell it is.

I thought of a neat way to test my parent’s reaction if I ever was pregnant. Next April I’ll tell them I am as an April’s fool joke. If they flip, then I won’t ever talk to them if I ever do get pregnant for real. What if I were before April? Well, I’d really like Tom to be the one to tell them, but since he may not want to, I’m sure Tammy will.

Tammy asked how come Tom never calls her, but maybe we’ll surprise her one of these days. I told Tammy it works both ways. Bill’s never called me and he’s always welcomed to. Then again, I really don’t care for the guy.

Later…

My project’s 2/3 of the way done. Tom said he thought it was an excellent idea and that if he were teaching a writing class he’d tell his class to choose 20 people and write 2 pages about each one. That’s cool. I thought he’d think it rather strange if anything at all.

He may be a half-hour late this week as he’s stopping to feed his sister’s dog. She and Dave are in CA. He’ll also be leaving a half hour early before work to go feed the dog and let it out. I’m just kind of waiting for him now.

I guess I’m all up to date with everything. Gotta go get my jeans and Vegas tie-dye shirt off the line.

Later…

OK, I got my stuff off the line. The animals next door are there. I could hear them, but very faintly.

I am wondering if having my own child would impact the way next door annoys me. I believe the reason for this is that if you constantly hear your own children, it becomes difficult to distinguish them from others. Additionally, most people prefer the sounds of their own children over those of someone else’s.

Later…

I just heard the phone ring, but I figured it was just Andy calling to say hi, so I didn’t answer. It was a message from Tom, though. He’s at Mary’s and he’s going to be home between 7:30-7:45. I’ll have dinner ready for him either way. I made up cheese noodles with bacon bits and I’ll also make him two hot dogs.

I got a letter from Bob today and this time around he did something new. He addressed it to both of us.

I did my workout today and now I’ve got 2 weights in the thigh holder. In 2 weeks, I’ll be up to 4, the total amount.

I’m still on Phase 1 out of 4 until the 20th.

I did dishes, watered my plant outside, and that’s pretty much it.

Earlier today I had a sneezing fit for the first time in ages, but it was nothing compared to what I used to go through back East. Then, after that, I had the runs. I’m fine now, though. Last night Tom showed me a very easy way to print pictures and I did several. Today I was going to do some more, but I couldn’t get it started. Oh well.

Later…

Tom’s home now eating his dinner and when he’s done we’re going to chat for a while. I’m kind of horny and hoping for fun, but if he’s too tired I’ll understand.

MONDAY, AUGUST 8, 1994 Last night I’m sure the whole city of Phoenix was woken up by the massive thunderstorm we had. It woke Tom and I up sometime at 2 AM. It was really booming out there. I wished it was going on, though, when I was awake to see it. I like how I’m sure it woke them up next door.

Andy was probably pissed at being woken up and not up able to see it and enjoy it. He loves storms.

Well, I have 4 pieces of mail going out. A letter to Kim, a letter to Bob, Tammy’s b-day card, and my parent’s anniversary card.

SUNDAY, AUGUST 7, 1994 I have a million things to write about, but I’ve just been extremely busy to do so. Andy was over last Thursday and Friday. We hung out back by the pool, got some color and typed letters.

Yesterday I got a long 5-page letter from Bob. Also, my Phase-Out system came! I’m really psyched about it, too. It’s an 8-week program. Every 2 weeks you punch in 2 perforations into the filter with little tiny sharp needles.

Last Friday I taped The Guardian in SP. Luckily it came out just fine, but Andy kindly taped it as a backup.

It’s been peacefully quiet around here and Tom and I swam this weekend.

He and I are doing great and yesterday we had some serious fun sexually. It has become so easy for him to get in me and I’ve really loosened up. Today we didn’t have time for fun, but tomorrow we’ll make the time.

Yesterday, besides hot sex, we went out shopping. He got a computer book and some other stuff. I got 3 new journals, this pen I’m writing with, and also a purple one.

Also, 3-D postcards. When you look at them they’re all different kinds of pretty colors and patterns till you see the hidden image. It’s like stereo for your eyes. Tom’s mastered the technique, but so far I’ve only been able to see one postcard, plus a moving one he downloaded on the computer. There were 30 postcards. We’re sending 1 to David & Evie and I’m using the rest cuz he couldn’t think of anyone else to send them to. I’m sending 1 to Andy, 4 to my parents, 4 to Tammy & Bill, 4 to Lisa, 4 to Becky, 4 to Sarah, 4 to Kim and 4 to Bob. I put the postcard stubs and stuck a few at the back of this book. Mostly I put them in numbers 4 & 14.

Well, I’m totally beat now, so if I’ve forgotten anything I’ll write it in tomorrow.

SATURDAY, AUGUST 6, 1994 OK, now I finally have about an hour to write.

I just remembered that today’s that asshole Rosemarie’s birthday. I think she’s 30.

Gotta do my 1-2-3 workout today. The exercises are 20 minutes and the warm-up and cool-down take 10 minutes, so that’s 30 minutes total. I love the back and tummy supporter as well as the wrist weights. They’re great for when I’m sitting up typing.

I called my sister that day to tell her all about it, then got to talking with Lisa. She sang part of Get on Your Feet by Gloria and oh my God! That kid can really sing. She’s going to be great when she gets older. She already has vibrato. I didn’t get that till I was 22 and she’s only 11. Tammy says if that’s what she wants to do, she’ll support it. Thank God she’s not as negative as she used to be or is like Mom who was very discouraging. So, anyway, Lisa went on to tell me she wanted Gloria’s Spanish tape but had no money, so I made 3 tapes of Gloria’s best stuff.

I made 1 Spanish tape and 2 in English and I even put the voice exercises on that Bill made.

Now I’m going to go listen to music, but I’ll continue on later.

THURSDAY, AUGUST 4, 1994 I certainly have news to write about, but I’m so very tired now that I may not get into too much detail.

Yesterday my Tone-up 1-2-3 finally came and I love it! It’s the best method I’ve ever done. Clean-cut and simple. You do it 30 minutes every other day. I’ll expand more on it tomorrow.

I also talked to my parents. Ma asked if the shirt fits Tom, did he like the baseball, does he like sports, what kind of car does he have, what year is it, and do I drive it?

I talked to Dad, too.

I’ll write about Lisa and the tapes I’m sending her some other time.

Andy was here today and we were out back. I got some color and he may be over tomorrow, too.

WEDNESDAY, AUGUST 3, 1994 Got a letter from Bob yesterday as well as a wedding card and a letter from Alex.

I typed Alex a letter, but I won’t send Kim and Bob’s letter until Monday. I figured I’d send Kim and Bob letters every Monday and every other Monday I’ll send letters to my parents. I’ll send messages to Tammy whenever I’ve got something to say.

Our US West bill came yesterday. Amazingly enough, there were no calls billed from Fran. We’ll have to see how the next bill is and check the Sprint bill when it comes.

Fran also hasn’t called. What luck, huh? I really didn’t think he’d go down so easily. He’s not easy to shake off.

Yesterday we went down to a Social Security office. We didn’t have enough documents for proof, so we took forms with us. However, we can’t mail photocopies of documents, so we’ll go there again next Tuesday.

This Saturday I’ll probably get more journals.

Later…

Now I’m sitting at my blue card table, instead of laying on the bed.

I brought the old lamp I made in middle school in a woodshop in here and it’s now on the table. I just got up to wash the lampshade cuz it was filthy. I wish the lampshade weren’t so dark. I’d like to get a white one. The lampshade’s now drying out by the fan so I don’t end up getting zapped.

Tom will be getting up real soon. He has to work the next 3 days.

There was a surprise from him when I woke up. A huge poster of a still shot from our wedding video. It’s really cool. Sort of grainy, but if you stand a little further away, it looks so cool.

Yesterday we began our first task as far as shaping up the back room goes. We picked out tools that I may need, especially cuz he’ll have tools he uses in the back little room and the garage. He put up a pegboard on the door where the hot water tank and the washer are. It’s in this little square area between the garage and kitchen doorway. The other kitchen doorways are off the living room and off the back room, but that one’s more like an archway. I believe there were once sliding glass doors there before the back room was added on. Anyway, on the pegboard, we put screwdrivers (regular and Philips), a hammer, a pair of pliers, a broom, and a duster. I hung the mop up on a holder that was already there.

It’s 6:02 now and I think I hear his alarm. If he doesn’t come out by 6:05, I’ll go make sure he’s up.

Thanks to a commercial on TV, I learned something new. I have feminine powder, and I’d sit back on the toilet and try to stick some down there but when I’d sit up it’d go all over. Well, this time around I put it in my underwear. The tip came just in time as I got my period and it really helps keep me dryer.

Tom’s up so I’ll see ya!

Later…

Tom showed me changes he made with the picture printing program and now he’s eating hot dogs and watching the news.

TUESDAY, AUGUST 2, 1994 Boy, was I busy yesterday. I busted my ass cleaning the bathroom, scrubbing the kitchen floor and doing laundry. I washed the little rugs in the kitchen and bathroom and the curtains seem like they shrunk, though. Before I washed the curtains, I touched up the soundproofing stuff in the windows. There are tons of gaps in them, so I shoved in cotton balls and the last of the silver foil labels. Lots of the labels had fallen when I woke up. Instead of all the work wearing me out, it pumped my adrenaline, so I ended up being up for 20 hours when I finally knocked off at around 4 PM. I got up shortly after midnight. I’m still a bit tired.

Later…

Larry called yesterday. He started off by saying he was down the street and wanted to come over. I thought, holy shit! I’ve been up so long and look like hell. He was only kidding, though, and was at Mom and Dad’s in Florida. He said his plans are all fouled up, but he still hopes to get out here this summer. I told him all about my unpredictable schedule and why I understood that oh so well. He said Larry’s done riding with him for the summer cuz he has to go to school early cuz of Band or something like that.

Jenny just got back from camp, so she’ll go on the road with him. I hope to meet up with all of them eventually, but right now Larry’s done traveling alone.

I finally remembered to ask his age which I figured was between 38-40, but like most of us in the family, he looks younger. He was teasing me by saying I look 14. He saw our wedding video, and I thought, oh no! He said it was very good and I didn’t look fat.

He’s still looking forward to meeting Tom and when I said how blessed I was, cuz most guys are jerks, he jokingly goes, “I’m a slut.”

I don’t think that was a joke, though, at one time and I said I probably would have been too if I were a guy.

He also mentioned my possibly going with him on his rig maybe to CA for a few days. In the meantime, he doesn’t know when he’s coming, but I told him what Tom’s days off were.

MONDAY, AUGUST 1, 1994 Tom got up an hour ago. He slept for 12 hours. Lucky him. I wish I’d done that, too.

I was just playing with Piggy while he was working on his computer program.

I just did another huge round of journal housekeeping. I took out address labels that were in the wrong books. I wish I didn’t stick the stickers I just stuck in this book (4 of them). Why? Cuz I have so much doodling on the front and back covers of so many journals, especially in the beginning that it’d be nice to cover it. Well, I’ll be getting these TV dinners regularly, so little by little I’ll cover them.

Tom just came in and closed the air duct in my closet, so no spiders can come down.

Later…

Yesterday I didn’t do too much. I watched the women’s gymnastics and a movie I taped when I got up.

Tomorrow we’re going to go get my name changed with SS and also discuss the letter SSI sent. I still need to call the Registry of Motor Vehicles too.

[twildflower]

Talking about anime ash ships(?) kinda. It became a bunch of random topics.

Hm im actually an amourshipper. Its my otp from like 10 at least. Or whenever i first watched xy or xyz. When it came out. I don’t remember. But im also a multishipper so like i dont really dislike other ships in fact i find goh and ash very cute. And gary. I despise pokeshipping tho. Last on my list. Absolutely no. I just hate it idk why. I didnt even hate it because of other people i just hated it when i knew it existed?? Or ash and iris thats my second most dislike. Cause i like may and dawn a lot and theyre cool i like their ships with ash but now to me they suit the rivals/male alternates better. I still like them tho. Theyre cool. Like yeah shes kinda built off ash in the anime and thats cringe but i just think theyre cute and i dont really have a reason to not like them and rheyre my old otp. I just like them. Plus serenas pretty. And bc theyre my oldest and probably first otp. Ah. I forgot what i was gonna say. Oh yeah so then its kinda hard for me to dislike something after liking it a lot. I think i did dislike something a lot after liking something decently but that wasn’t something i really REALLY liked so it couldve easily changed so eh. I dont think my preferences really changed a lot? The only thing that’s significant enough that i can say off my mind is favorite colour i guess. I used to like uh. Actually i dont remember. But whatever colour it got replaced by blue (ITS PURPLE I REMEMBERED))because i liked elsa a lot. When the first frozen movie came out. Holy shit that was. Wild. …and. My like. Probably favorite mlp was rainbow dash. Blue. So blue. And twilght. IT DOESNT RELATE TO MY NAME THO IT DOESNT. um anyway. I liked blue a lot. Actually i somehow sticked withit for a long time even after my hype died a long time. I think I realized my fav color was still blue bc of elsa and i thought that was like really fucking cringe so i wanted to like a different colour so i went around for sometime and then i thought uhh i like stars and moon and stuff too thyere yellow. Light yellow uh yeah guess ill try and make this my fav colour and i did after maybe 1-2 years of convincing myself. Thats funny. Twildflower is a mash of twild and wildflower. Tp link and botw link ship name lmao. Then wildflower is what ppl say wild’s nickname would be from twilight. Kinda cool. And its not a taken or common name so i was like eh sure. I made this name when i was in my zelda hyperfixiation. uhhhshsh i hate typing zelda its so weird. Not gonna elaborate. Um anyway. My preferred name being link does not have to do with my username being twildflower or because of the zelda fixiation either fun fact it’s literally just because of my real name. I. Dont like that name and it catches me off guard a lot of the time and it. I just dont like it. Link is better. Kyle is just a random name. Its a youtubers i watched like maybe 7 years ago’s real name and a certain day like 4 years ago i just suddenly remembered that person and i was like yeah kyles a cool name and that stuck as my name until now. Id say its my real name. Link or kyle are both cool. Some of my real life friends call me kyle so thats the diff i guess. I dont have online friends tho the ones i am friends with probably call me nai. Nai is. Eh. I dont mind it. Its my name. Its a name i used to like know a lot of online friends i have. So thats my name to them. I dont mind people i know now that dont know why im nai call me nai. Also by real life friends i only consider id say 5 as friends and only 1-2 call me kyle. 1 I explicitly told them call me kyle if she could and the other is just sometimes when we chat because i have it as my user on some places. Not specifically for group chats tho like just as referencing to me. Sometimes i guess. Yeah tbh id consider kyle my real life name if i could. If i had to introduce myself with none of my family nearby or when my id name is outright there or whatever id say im kyle. I havent gotten a chance to do so tho. I dont really care i guess. I dont want to care about many things. I say i dont care but i care. Like. My friend. I guess.