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tragicvictoriantears · 5 days ago

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how to show love to a xenomorph. 『 chapter one. 』

ʚɞ xenomorph!sylus x fem!reader (mdni).

INFORMATION !!YOU MUST!! KNOW BEFORE READING: this fic is safe for people who have no clue about the alien movie series. But you also have to keep in mind that all the characters I added, and the small plots happening in this fic are meant to explain (poorly but I tried) the world build of the movies and ALSO to capture its theme. I know a lot of you want direct contact with Sylus from the start (don’t worry, it’s gonna happen a lot in this chapter) but, please, remember that this is a mix between lads and alien. I had to make it this way to also be satisfied as an alien movie series fan.

NO SMUT THIS CHAPTER YOU FREAKS! A lot of plot btw.

!WARNING!WARNING!WARNING!: gore, failed sexual harassment, death, suicide, mutilation, a lot of curse words, descriptions of explicit violence, life threatening situations, sexual suggestiveness (fine, I will feed you a bit), mind games, blood, descriptions of severed body parts.

LOOOOOOOOOOONG CHAPTER. Idk how many words, I wrote this w my phone on my notes and only edited with my leptop.

Perhaps your shipmate's ripped stomach was the start of all the other consequences that led to a bunch of unskilled, clueless people to find themselves imprisoned in small and metal spaces. Maybe it was the first time you encountered a creature you never imagined could exist. Maybe it was the fascinating way they develop and evolve from an infant to a full grown adult. Maybe it was their high-pitched, terrifying sounds, harmonising with the screams of its victims whose deaths had already been written. It was a fucked up fanfare that made unmistakably clear that you are inferior to them.

At first you weren't even aware that anything had even started. It came like a sudden jolt. The following events were so fast, it felt like some unseen force pressed a button and a grim, living version of a science fiction film started to unfold.

"The XX-121 Xenomorph,” the synthetic person said — his arm mangled with white fluid leaking from it. “It’s an endoparasitoid extraterrestrial species. The perfect organism. I assure you, it is something you have never seen before in any book and data. Their effectiveness in killing, multiplying and the ability to survive in the harshest of conditions is unmatched. Also intelligent beings made to hunt and reproduce fast.” His voice faltered but didn’t fail. “Do you understand how fundamental they are for the human species? They are your ticket to survive anything space has to throw at you, to become the elite species in the universe."

Footsteps began echoing in the distance that day. The footsteps of your colleagues armed and motivated to kill the Synthetic. That's why you received that secret file. He had even slipped it into your mission bag himself without you having much to say in that regard.

"These files are essential. I don't have the time to explain everything. Read them. Study them if you can — that is more preferable. Make sure you escape this planet alive. Forget about your comrades, sacrifice them if necessary. Most importantly, bring this organism alive with you. You are a smart one, you can put two and two together. You must already know how essential it is for evolution. I assure you that you will not only become the salvation of your human species but you will also be generously — so generously compensated. Far beyond anything they promised you for this mission."

They were getting closer. All you could do was swallow hard and allow a chill to run down your spine. You can’t recall what you felt or thought at that moment. How could you? It’s not so easy to remember certain details after you witnessed a massacre straight out of a nightmare. One’s mind refusal to process? Senses that shut down? Still can’t recall. But your awareness definitely returned when the Synthetic spoke its final words.

"Especially to preserve the hybrid. He’s a miracle. His intelligence, ability to learn faster than us. A flabbergasting fusion of human consciousness and Xenomorph instinct. He represents the dream that the Weyland-Yutani Corporation fights for. He is the ideal that you must deliver to our laboratories to study him further, in the name of humanity. He is exceptional down to his smallest breath. He even gave himself a name."

Then came the axe. And the daggers. And a bat. They tore into his back. The white synthetic liquid splattered your uniform, ended up pooling across the cold metal floor. For the first time you saw the threads that held a Synthetic together, a system that kept them functioning. That's why you felt no pity when his back was destroyed, nor when an axe split his forehead like it was a mere piece of a log. He was a machine, a tool crafted and designed by humans, created to serve. You could describe them as smart servants. In the end, he was just put out of commission. Machines like him are replaceable. But you are not. Or the creatures. Especially the so-called precious hybrid with a name.

༺☆༻

Your were born on Jackson's Star. Planet LV-410 of the Alpheios system. A very scenic name for a mining and agriculture colony. A colony owned and operated by the Weyland-Yutani Corporation. “The Corporation”. A terrible place, really. Like every corporate entity that expanded beyond the Milky Way, they exploit every resource they can get their greedy hands on. You are a resource yourself. Human exploitation means nothing when profit stands so tall. Mandatory farming, back-breaking labour, small credit, the possibility of working in the mines brought you closer to the idea of giving up on everything. Although you were raised there, you could never adapt. The feeling of belonging? What’s even that? Let’s not forget about the absence of sunlight. Thick clouds, endless storms, constant thunder — for you, that represented the sky.

That's why you cried when you first saw the sun. The day you were recruited into the search team. It was also the day you learned that the Company that had been working you to death is involved in more areas than just making profit.

A renowned scientist and researcher had vanished along with his ship. His mission, according to official documents, was to study and analyze new lifeforms. At least that was the surface-level story. Then a faint signal was intercepted by the parent company. All that bullshit about classified content, heavily encrypted and urgent. That triggered immediate action — rescue teams dispatched without delay. The problem though? Even with this stupidly advanced technology, the source of the signal couldn’t be pinpointed. Hundreds of spaceships were launched on what was labeled as a “noble” search and rescue mission. They made such a big deal too. Aaaaalll over the news. In truth, the mission made no progress. For months there was no trace of the scientist, his crew or his ship.

The Weyland-Yutani Corporation gave a clear directive, clearly showing desperation: sending teams of volunteers. In short, they were willing to send anyone, no matter how insignificant and unqualified they were. And each volunteer spaceship had an officer and a non-commissioned officer to ensure discipline, supervision, maintain order and the smooth running of the operation. Also making sure that none of the volunteers would try to take advantage of the circumstances to escape from the corporation's control.

There was, of course, a reward: freedom. Freedom from the colony's labor system, big numbers and the possibility of relocating wherever you wanted. So, basically, freedom. Obviously, granted only to those who found the missing ship.

You volunteered as an act of “ultima ratio”, your last resort to escape and change your life. Small chances, possible wasted time and more work that waits for you home — those were your expectations once you witnessed the number of ships prepared for the launch. You traveled with three other ships that were always close (a kind of group trip). Each ship carried ten volunteers. None of you had access to weapons or most of the ship’s sections. Only the officers and their second-in-command enjoyed such privileges.

Repetitive days. Monitoring, preparing meals, listen to commands, cleaning, try not bang your head into a wall challenge. At least it was easier compared to your life on colony.

A signal appeared. “Unidentified planet.”

The officers of all four ships consulted among themselves and made a quiet decision to land without notifying the company. According to artificial intelligence’s analysis, the planet was far too insignificant for a renowned scientist to be there. Why? Sure, there was breathable oxygen but NO life. And apparently that scientist was way too obsessed with undiscovered organisms. So the plan had the following events: land, snap some photos for proof, check for any signals and leave. A routine check to be claimed as “effort”.

You could actually breathe on the planet. Although the air was humid and unpleasant. The landscape was covered with black rocks and caves. Strong winds and gray dust that kept getting in your eyes. A regular Monday for some. It felt like stepping into a volcano without lava and veiled with fog. The moon was a bit visible, unfortunately shrouded by mist that seemed to rise naturally to high altitudes. It might have posed a visual disadvantage, but the planet's sky was not dark. It glowed a pale green, devoid of stars.

One officer noticed a lack of signal beyond the planet. That could also have meant your departure. But another signal appeared instantly. A signal that belonged to the ship you had been sent to find.

Warmth filled your chest, an energy you had never felt before coursed through your body similarly to drinking seven redbulls. Your comrades seemed to share it too. Sweeeet freedom, that’s what you sang along with your fellow crew members. The officers and non-commissioned officers were content with the idea of a promotion, so none of them considered leaving the planet to inform the other search teams. Their ranks, although far superior than yours, meant nothing in such a vast corporation. Naturally, they were determined to take the credit for themselves and show a little greed.

You and two female companions from your Expedition Ship Number 2 — Miranda and Letiția— walked arm in arm, laughing as you moved forward alongside the others. Each of you began to verbalize your future plans that awaited you once you received your reward. Most of them were stupid and funny, but they felt important. Letiția laughed when one man confessed that he just wanted a girlfriend, no matter how ugly and mean she might be, his dream is to drown her in gifts.

The fun was cut short. The memory of that time is still vague. You didn't even hear the thing that leapt on her face. You just stumbled in shock and fell. But you can still picture it in your mind, to this day, Letiția’s body moving disorganizedly. She spun, arms flapping, her screams muffled. Multiple pairs of legs rushed past you. Miranda grabbed your arm to help you up, and that’s when you saw her body collapsing into the ashy ground before the crowd of colleagues blocked your view.

You disconnected. The details of how you reached the target ship—and how that strange thing which reminded you of a scorpion, finally retreated and died out of nowhere—remain a blur. The ship, the one everyone had been searching for, was empty and almost completely destroyed. It looked as if someone had deliberately planted explosives. The mood turned horrific. The moments of blind euphoria fueled by naivety had evaporated.

Letiția seemed okay for a while considering that massive Arachnid-like invertebrate (or whatever it was) had attached itself to her face and forced a long appendage down her throat(and who knows where it went). Many whispered that the creature had probably injected a virus or poison into her and that she was now sick.

The first stage was a noticeable slowing down. The second stage was the pallor, even her pink lips lost their colour and dark circles formed under her eyes, as if life was being actively drained from her. The third stage, short but understandably concerning, was excessive salivation. You tried to help. You gave her water which she immediately vomited, stroke her hair, offered her one of your protein bars which she constantly refused. You ended up helping her walk, each step harder than the last. Her once straight and confident posture had become hunched and painfully sensitive.

A man from Ship Number 4 offered to carry her. But as soon as you handed her over, she collapsed again due to multiple convulsions overtaking her body. It looked like she was being electrocuted constantly. Her movements spiked from zero to a hundred in seconds. The crowd gathered again but that time, you stayed in the “front seat”. You remember dropping to your knees and trying your best to figure out how to help her, even if it meant a simple touch to let her know she was not alone. But a colleague shoved you aside.

“Her pulse is racing, I can feel movements in her abdominal area,” the man said, jus as foam began to pour from Letiția’s mouth. Her blood vessels were completely bursted, exposing her blue eyes in a grotesque way. She looked at you — right at you — in a form of a pleading that you still can’t forget: Don’t let me die.

Her back arched when the convulsing intensified. Something was moving inside of her. A small bump at first. Then it grew more evident and violent, as though something was forcing its way out of her stomach. It kept going despite the men trying to hold her still. You ended up holding her head to stop it from slamming into the floor. You wiped away her sweat, her snot, her tears. None of it felt real. You and Letiția had shared everything. Slept beside each other, ate together, talked everyday for over a month. She was strong, ambitious, the backbone of your hope that you won’t return empty-handed. And a single mother of two children that are still waiting for her at home.

You’ve witnessed plenty of deaths from exhaustion, mining accidents, radiation. But nothing like that. Nothing so sudden and brutal.

It was a hard watch. Her stomach ended up pierced. Everyone recoiled to avoid the red liquid gushing out of her. You allowed it to stain you (you remember this detail but you don't know why). The sounds coming from her belly made everything clear. There was something alive inside her and it wanted out.

Then it happened. The tearing continued agonisingly, more of her blood spattered the air. That’s when you saw it for te first time.

The Xenomorph.

Of course, you didn't know what it was or what it could do. The appearance was for sure unforgettable. A slick, beige-yellow skin smeared in your friend’s blood, small and sharp teeth, no eyes, long and curved head, skeletal structure that looked alien and terrifying. It clawed and tore its way out of her, shrieking and thrashing.

You lowered your head. You didn’t see it fully emerge and scurry away. Nor your comrades that tried to catch it. How could you? Death was staring at you. And you were staring back.

You learnt that Death’s eyes were blue, empty and filled with helpless tears.

On your first day on the unidentified planet, you are able to remember the following: after Letiția’s death, the creature grew rapidly. You encountered a corporate synthetic whose ranking was above your officers. You learned that the planet was crawling with these things. The Synthetic had no intention to save you, too preoccupied with capturing a live specimen. People started dying (oh no). Either skewered through the chest by tails with sharped ends, or drilled in the skull by secondary jaws hidden inside the alien’s mouths. Panic naturally erupted. You ran with your crew and the Synthetic back to your spaceship. All officers and NCOs died. Ship Number Three was blown up by a flamethrower operated by a scared idiot. And then you guys found out that someone had stolen the fuel from each ship that are no longer viable for takeoff, useful only as shelters. Your crew blamed the Synthetic (totally understandable to point your finger at the android). One of them even amputated its arm with an axe. In response, it took you hostage and threatened that he had enough strength in his only intact arm to snap your neck. You ended up in a room on the ship with him and we know what happened next. Obviously… a regular Monday for some of you.

༺☆༻

Almost two weeks passed. You are trapped inside the ship now, with limited water and food resources. The only remaining advantage is the possibility to communicate with the other ships — though they have even fewer survivors than yours. Your crew is relatively lucky to remain intact, if you exclude the officer, the non-commissioned officer and Letiția. You’ve also discovered the access codes for the weapons depot.

The files in your possession are voluminous. You divided them in two — sharing the first half with your comrades and keeping the rest for yourself. You believe that knowing more than they do might increase your chances of survival. At first you avoided the files, but temptation grew in you. At least it is something to occupy your mind rather than imagining all the ways in which you could end up dead sooner or later.

The first part (shared one) details how Xenomorphs are similar to a killing machine. They are highly aggressive, parasitic species.

[Powerful physical abilities, including the one to secrete acid blood. They also have impressively long, bony tails. They stand at around 7 feet tall (2.13 m) averaging in anywhere between 140 and 180 kg. But these measurements could change depending on the host chosen.]

[Their reproduction is through a parasitic cycle, with facehuggers (the creature that jumped on Letiția's face) latching onto a host (human, animal) to implant a chestburster, which eventually matures into a Xenomorph.]

And the rest of the cycle is pretty much known by everyone at this point. Reading about facehuggers always gave you an overwhelming sense of dread and anger. Overall, Xenomorphs are classified as some sort of ruthless biological weapons driven by their instinct to hunt and reproduce fast.

Xenomorph's primal need is to multiply.

[Diet: No evidence of eating. Xenomorphs seem to prioritize using living beings for their own reproduction rather than consuming them as food. They often leave the bodies of their victims untouched, even in the situation where they have access to plenty of potential food sources. A possible theory is that they might absorb nutrients from the environment or their own blood.]

From all those pages one thing becomes clear. You are fucked. And acid blood just sounds sick. They are also incredibly persistent with their prey so it’s unlikely they’ve left the area and the risk is not worth taking. At this point, no one has managed to come up with a plan. Yeah, you! Yes, you! You are fucked x2. The information you shared ended up intimidating everyone instead of motivating them. One good example is Miranda.

You and Miranda have always had a natural way of understanding each other. It was like an instant click. Maybe that’s why as she began to withdraw from the group, she chose to confide only in you. There’s one room inside the ship that can be sealed with a code — both to lock and unlock it. That’s your shared room.

“There are seven men on this ship, I am a woman and I don’t know exactly how you identify but I know that you also have… “ Her concern was genuine each time she vented to you and it’s also a reasonable one. Water and food were running out fast, and you and Miranda are the most vulnerable passengers. Not all men gave you the impression that they are preying on you. But one sure does, right from the start of the lockdown. Colby.

You can’t really describe Colby’s appearance, either because he is the most unremarkable man you’ve ever seen, or because he arrived with a huge black eye that always distracts you. Two of the men in your crew were recruited from prison. The corporation justified it by saying something about knowledge in spaceships, navigation and mechanics. Colby was one of them and he clearly enjoys it. Because of this so-called “knowledge “ he started to see himself as more valuable than all of you, indispensable. He rarely spoke before, preferring silence and long stares full of spite and contempt. But now? Now Colby is the most talkative one. Especially around Miranda. Well, that… concerns you.

The part of the document that you kept for yourself has become your new obsession. An obsession that came from a fascination you never imagine you’d have, especially when your life is constantly under threat. It is incomplete. A considerable amount of pages are missing, you feel frustrated whenever the information abruptly cuts off.

The report detailed failed hybrids in the beginning. Though traces of humanity were visible, the subjects were clearly more aligned with the sphere of the Xenomorph. They were hideous and uncanny. There were pictures too, it felt illegal because of how fucked-up they looked. But the descriptions of the successful hybrid made your heart race a bit (a bit more).

Endowed with consciousness, research notes indicated that he functions perfectly as a human — emotionally and psychologically. A harmonious blend of lethal instinct and human sensitivity. His ability to reflect, respond to various stimuli , and speak coherently surpasses an average human.

[Self control: confirmed.

Strategy and reason: evident.]

[Height: Slightly shorter than an average Xenomorph but is two meters tall.]

[Appearance: Upper body is human. The face bears no resemblance to a Xenomorph. Some exposed bone material is visible along the left jawline, extending just beneath the ear but it does not dominate the face. Human ears are present. Expressions are clear, human and very handsome.]

You arched an eyebrow when you reached the last word of that paragraph.

[Appearance continued: From neck to navel, torso resembles a fit human male.

Defined pectorals.

Natural and normal skin tone.

The back, arms, shoulders, and the lower body, however, align with Xenomorph traits: black, bony and glossy. The subject seems to have more tissues in the mentioned body parts. It gives him the appearance of plumpness rather than subnutrion.

The waist is broader than that of a typical Xenomorph, matching the proportions of a healthy, athletic man.]

The rest of the pages detailing his appearance were missing. But it's not like you can’t identify the only hybrid that exists on this planet. Even so, you are a bit disappointed by the limited information on the supposed specimen that somehow you have to capture alive.

The interrogation logs were even more fragmented.

[ Interrogation Log — 19:23 pm.

interrogator: how are you feeling?

subject: as good as a person can feel when they are viewed as a lab mouse.

interrogator: do you consider yourself a person?

subject: that’s a complex question. especially since we've only just started with the questioning.

Notes: subject frequently looks upward and grins. displays habitual condescension and sarcasm.]

You can’t find the full answer to that question. It probably developed into a long conversation.

[interrogator: so this is how you came into being? you completely deny your origin as being related to experimental and laboratory work?

subject: isn’t it obvious? i’m all natural. your interventions are an insult. i don't understand how you can create something so outrageous and even enjoy it. completely ignoring the fact that you haven't made any progress. do you actually look at your created hybrids with pride?

Notes: interrogator ignored the provocation and the subject’s insults. subject appears visibly pleased with himself.]

[interrogator: if what you’re claiming about your birth is true, then, do you currently possess male genitalia, capable of reproduction like a mammal?

Notes: subject did not respond. he smiled and swayed his bony tail similarly to a cat.]

[interrogator: are you able to read and write?

subject: yes.

interrogator: from where?

subject: from you.

interrogator: this is our first direct contact.

subject: but i’ve been observing you for more than a week.

interrogator: and that’s how you also learned how to speak?

subject: correct. took me a day.

interrogator: you have the ability to learn quickly then?

subject: you tell me.

Notes: the interrogator glanced down and moved on to the next question. subject’s satisfaction seemed to grow with each exchange.]

[interrogator: do you have a sense of personal identity?

subject: possibly. i gave myself a name. does that count?

interrogator: it does, yes. what is your name?

subject: Sylus.]

And that’s all the information you have about him.

“Sylus, Sylus, Sylus," you kept repeating, committing his name to memory. But your mind was filled with many questions: How did the species end up on this lifeless planet? Were they brought here for controlled observation? Their ship seemed equipped for such scientific operations.

How was Sylus created? Does he have a penis? What does he actually look like? Who destroyed the ship? Where did the scientist go? How are you going to escape alive and with two still-living specimens, one normal and one hybrid, from this place?

How intelligent and capable is Sylus? You had no rest for five days after reading all that.

༺☆༻

You put your materials back in your bag after revising them for god knows how many times. Today, it’s your turn to supervise the activity outside. Usually, a guy named Otto is in charge, but he took the day off since he’d been monitoring the cameras for two days straight without break. So, you push aside the fact that you’ve been neglecting your duties lately and head towards the screen.

A tall figure. Cliff in the distance. Before it disappears — white hair? Your rise from your chair to lean closer to the monitor. It was him! It had to he him! He’s been right under your nose this whole time. Fuck! (How could you miss on seeing your shayla??)

You quickly adjust the camera using the keyboard and zoom in. He left something behind. You press zoom again.

Your mouth literally waters and your hands begin to shake. You also swallow the saliva forming inside your mouth. On the rocky hill near your ship is… food. Powdered food/rations. Not the yummiest but ideal for space-traveling. Fundamental supplies that have been rapidly draining recently.

(The officers often stop at other colonies to restock, so a fully stocked food depot has never existed). Your stomach growls and begging you to retrive the cardboard box that is waiting for you outside. You are aware that it’s fishy af. Your body doesn’t care though. You want it sooo bad. You look at that cardboard box with your mouth half-open, hypnotised.

“Motherfucker… .Holy.fucking.shit. It’s like witnessing the birth of Jesus.” You jump as Colby appears out of nowhere with his eyes locked on the screen. Oh no.

Predictably, it escalates.

Colby starts banging on the walls with his bat, yelling, “Food! Lots of food out there! Food!” and you have a hard time to keep up with him.

“Colby! Colby stop it!” but the crew has already gathered and Colby just turns to you with the most insincere smile.

“What? What’s wrong with letting everyone know that the solution to a big, current problem is right around the corner?” He might even be trying to paint you as the bad guy.

“It’s just a way to lure us out,”you answer firmly.

“Who?”

“You know who.”

“You talk like there’s something out there besides those creatures.” At least he has a good sense of observation. You gotta give it to him.

“No. I’m talking about them. It’s true that the files didn’t mention xenomorphs using tactics like this, but it’s not worth it if the price is all of us getting slaughtered like mice.” You manage to maintain your imposing position in front of him. Colby, on the other hand, toys with the handle of his bat. He underestimates you.

“Ah, yes. So the best option is to stay here and starve? Maybe we’ll end up eating each other.” Colby’s eyes are glinting. “I’ll definitely start with you, personally.” He jabs the tip of his bat into your chest and gives a small push. You stop yourself from punching him, personally.

Enzo, another crew member, intervenes, grabbing his bat. Colby spits on your boot as a response.

“Wouldn't it be better to use our energy for something useful instead of threatening each other?" Enzo suggests.

“I didn't threaten him." You wish you did.

“Leave it." Enzo mutters through gritted teeth." Ok… alright. It's true that we need food, but it's also true it's a trap. So, I will go myself. Ideally, I’d have two men with me, but if no one volunteers, I’ll go alone."

Rocco and Aldo, Enzo’s close friends, raised their hands.

The plan is simple. Enzo, Rocco and Aldo will go out armed (of course). The ship has three access points/three barriers with the outside:

1. The outer door to the entrance room — opened by a unique code.

2. The door from the entrance room to the corridor— accessed via authorised card.

3. The door from the corridor into the base — also requiring an authorised card.

Aldo and Rocco will leave their authorised cards at the base. Enzo will bring it with him just in case and destroy it if necessary.

“We will communicate via headset,” Enzo explains. “Two people will monitor from here. One armed crew member will stay in each era: entrance room, corridor, and base.”

Otto is not participating.

“We need constant communication and cooperation, keep that in mind. If any of you see that the odds of us getting back are low and it becomes too risky — no matter how much we beg, no matter how much we plead… DO. NOT. LET. US. IN.” Enzo came up with the plan on the spot. It almost feels like he is a perfectly organised person — though you know he isn’t. The plan is not so bad. Or maybe you’re desperate.

An old man, the other convict who refuses to reveal his name, will be stationed at the ship’s base. Most likely chosen for his size and build. He’s a total unit, impressive for his age. You’ve often wondered how someone like him ended up in prison.

Miranda is in charge of the corridor, Colby has the entrance room. You and a man named Theo will handle monitoring and communication.

You watched as the trio disembarked without any issues and managed to get away from the ship safely for now. Theo suggested that he track their movements while you monitor the other cameras and report any unusual activity. The distance seems short but time drags on painfully. Nothing shows up so far. Your focus is out the window once Miranda rushes in crying and visibly shaken. Both you and the old man are caught off guard. Theo doesn’t give a single shit. Colby follows close behind and he appears furious. Theo immediately nags them about the fact that they’ve abandoned their critical posts— which, yes, it is important— but you are more concerned for Miranda.

“Colby!” you shout after him.

“Mind your business and fuck off, bitch!” he snaps.

You start to rise from your chair, but Theo stops you. You are ready to start an argument with him, but the old man assures you he’ll handle it and get them both back.

“They picked now to start fighting. That’s just bloody brilliant.” Theo grumbles with an accent.

“This is not a fight. Miranda wouldn’t have left unless she felt threatened. Why did Colby abandoned his post?”

“Why don’t you just focus on the screens?” you bite back a retort. Enzo and the rest are risking their lives and you calmed down once the old man reassured you he’ll handle it.

So, you refocus. Scanning each camera feed one by one. On the camera from the right side of the ship you spot something. Thin, black and bony tail slithering slowly and silently past the edge of the camera lens.

“There’s one on the right side of the ship,” you report immediately to Theo who reports the message further. You keep checking the cameras one by one again. There are two cameras facing the entrance. One pointing into the distance — Theo’s responsibility — and one pointing downward. Well, Letiția’s corpse appeared on that camera.

Decomposed, yet with the same eyes that haunt you, with the same hole in her stomach from which her intestines are now sticking out. You shake your head and look again. For a second, it seems like you can only see her eyes. Just as close as they were the day she died.

Panic surges through you as you jump to your feet and run. Theo also spots Letiția’s body that appeared “mysteriously” on camera and let’s just say he got pissed.

“Y/n, are you fucking kid- GO AHEAD AND BE STUPID!”

It's a trap, it's a trap, it's a trap. You know it’s a trap. You’re fully aware of it. But still. You grab a flamethrower and cross the corridor as fast as you can. You know he is mind gaming you, and this only confirms what you’ve been suspected: Sylus has been studying you, just like he studied those before you. He’s been watching since you arrived, at least long enough to deliberately place Letiția — or what’s left of her — as the perfect emotional bait for the perfect victim.

Hands start to tremble. You entered the code wrong the first time. You really try to calm yourself down so you start pressing each key slowly. The door begins to open from bottom to top. You aim with the flamethrower with every twist of your torso. Scanning the area carefully, you notice how the fog has thickened. Can barely see a thing.

No movements. No breathing. Good.

Without wasting time, you grab the corpse by the shoulders and begin pulling it after you. The screams of Enzo, Rocco and Aldo echo into the distance. They are close enough to hear but way too far to help. Maybe it’s the adrenaline but somehow you managed to drag Letiția’s body easily into the entrance room. The fog is so dense that you can’t see your comrades. Only flashes of gunfire followed by the sharp sounds of the creatures. They are too far and you can’t risk leaving the door open, so you close it. Like in every horror movie, it shuts painfully slow, from top to bottom.

As the door descends, you hear footsteps. Calculated steps. Definitely not your teammates (who are still yelling and shooting) or a normal Xenomorph.

“GRILL HIS FUCKING ASS!” Theo screams in your headset. “What the fuck is that?” he adds. You can't believe it… Theo saw him first. Life is for sure unfair.

“I can’t. The door is halfway down!”

“It doesn’t matter! Point the flamethrower down in case he ties to crawl through!” you obey, dropping to your knees, lowering your aim with the motions of the door. You remain in that position until it finally seals shut.

That was a close call.

But the universe is not always kind, right? You barely had time to breath in relief when you hear it. Faint clicks. Buttons being pressed slowly. Identical to how you pressed them moments earlier.

He learned the code from you.

“Theo! He knows the code!” You scramble, grabbing Letiția’s corpse by the shoulders again and dragging it.

“You and the rest are on your own! Fuck all of you!” Theo yells before tossing his headset away. Static sounds follow.

The door begins to rise slowly. That dense mist creeps into the room. You fumble for your authorised card. You drop it. Once. Twice. Thrice. The door is halfway open but for some reason he waits outside. It’s like he’s savouring the moment, letting the tension peel away your sanity.

You manage to finally scan the card and the corridor door opens, sliding from left to right. You resume back to dragging the corpse, never taking your attention off the entrance. The corridor door signals through loud beeps that you have ten seconds until automatic closure (you can override it for quicker shut with a manual swipe of the card).

Beep. Beep. Beep.

A tall, dark and tailed figure steps onto the ship. You notice him immediately. Broad shoulders, the shape of a human head, and he’s well-built. That’s intimidating btw. Because of the dim light you can’t see the full extent of his appearance, just his dark figure. Behind his silhouette, through the thick fog, the flashes of gunfire flicker. Brief bursts of light from the trio’s weapons. The whole view, the sounds of the door about to close automatically combined with the sounds of the gunfire gives you a headache. You pull Letiția’s lifeless body inside just in time before the door slides shut.

You are safe. For now. You don’t care.

What’s in front of you? Her face is so decomposed from putrefaction you can’t even remember how she looked like before. Why did you bring her here? For what purpose? So she could be buried back home? By her little children who have no idea they're orphans? You remember how she always kept a photo of them with her, but you never asked to see it. So you start searching. You have nothing better to do. You don’t know what to do. You fucked up the whole operation. Something that Letiția would have never done.

Enzo and the others won’t make it. That’s certain. Nothing makes sense anymore, everything lacks purpose. Why are you torturing yourself by searching for that damn picture?

The photo is nowhere. But that’s not what worries you — the absence of her authorised card does. Not in the pockets, boots or any piece of clothing. You’re on the verge of checking inside her exposed intestines but you stop yourself.

"Can anyone hear me? Letiția’s card is missing—" A grenade detonates outside the ship. Before you can process what the hell was that, a hand grabs your hair and yanks you backward down the corridor.

“Look what you’ve done, smartass.” Colby.

He slams you onto your stomach with ease. He is much more stronger than you. Colby also managed to pick your flamethrower and to throw it several meters away. In response, you use all your strength to hit him in the knee. That gives you a moment to crawl towards the flamethrower and the distance you have covered is considerable.

Funny how you thought it’s gonna be that easy.

Pain explodes. A dagger, deeeeeeeep in your left tight. You don't even have time to scream in pain, the blade is pointed in his direction and he drags you towards him. Damn, he must be mad as hell. He keeps pulling you like that until you are beneath him. He did all that so he can slam his bat into your head. And slamming with his bat he does. Luckily, the blow isn’t hard enough to knock you out but you feel the small and narrow space spinning around you.

Your vocal cords refuse to work. No sound, no protest from you.

Colby’s belt hits the floor.

“You wouldn’t be here if Miranda was a nice and obedient girl.” He presses your head back to the floor with his bat. You don’t know what to do, your visuals keeps on spinning and your body ran cold.

“Fuck.”

A long pause followed.

“I can’t get it up. FUCK. Fuck me, I’ll be more satisfied if I beat your brains out.”

He zips up his pants after that embarrassing moment.

“Don’t worry. It’s gonna be fast. That’s what you get for thinking you’re better than me.”

“Colby. I’m sorry. I never thought I was better than you. Col—” he kicks you in the back, hard. You squint and try your best to force your sounds back down your throat. Even though you are terrified, you don’t want to give him more satisfaction.

He grabs the dagger still buried in your leg and starts twisting it. One twist, two, three — before ripping it out without any remorse. You never screamed louder, like you did just now, in your entire life. Not even when you were pulled from your mother’s womb (I’m sorry). You try to brace your hands against the floor so you can get up but his boot crashes down on your shoulder. It’s futile. You always considered the possibility of Colby trying to hurt you — heck, killing you even — never thought it would happen this fast though.

A trickle of blood runs down your forehead from the blow. You watch him, frowning and mentally burning him with your hatred, as he raises the blade in his hand. He’s gonna aim for your head.

The door opens.

You hear it.

Colby hears it.

And we are not talking about the door to ship’s base. That reminds you. Hmmmmm. You forgot a tiny-silly detail: the missing authorised card.

You swallow hard. Colby swallows hard. The “beef”between you two shifts into a full-on we are fucked turn of events. It’s fascinating how the unknown blends the roles of a criminal and his victim into one.

Beep. Beep. Beep.

A drop of sweat slips from Colby’s blonde bangs as he slowly turns towards the door. You don’t. No courage no baaaaaalllls.

“Ayo—” that well-known tail lashes out in his direction, the sharp tip pierces through his lower jaw and sending it flying. You read that right. Completely ripped off, I repeat. The bastard’s jaw hits the wall and lands with a thump near you. Gross. Colby staggers, blinks rapidly and his brows are furrowed. The blood dripping from his dismemberment lands on your butt and his nostrils throb noticeably. You never liked him, hell, you always hated him back. But even though he tried to kill you, you didn’t want to witness his death. The tears that fall aren’t from pity — they’re from fear. You could be next.

His final act was to roll his eyes before his body collapsed right in front of your face. The impact with the floor sprayed a little blood on your neck and chin. Tears of fear finally began to flow down your cheeks.

Next to you lies Colby's fresh body, near your feet lies Letiția’s putrefied body, Theo abandoned you, you don't know if the trio survived, the old man and Miranda are missing — hell knows where, Otto might be still napping. Not to mention, behind you stands the hybrid, who holds one of the ship’s authorised card and also knows the outside access code.

But, at the same time, you have the flamethrower in front of you. Let’s not forget that the hybrid knows how to communicate. Maybe you can negotiate. Negotiate for your life, Letiția’s authorised card, a vacation. Or at least try. Realistically speaking, you don’t have much of an advantage against him. But it’s better to try than to die like those pathetic characters in slasher movies.

A new determination takes over, all that blah blah shit about survival instinct kicking in that drives you to put your impromptu plan into motion. The adrenaline that comes from pure fear and panic postpones, for now, the pain from your injuries (that agony will come later, once the adrenaline wears off… if you’re still alive). You rip Colby’s card off his uniform and back away as best as you can. And— MORHERFUCKER— the files weren’t exaggerating.

“You really are handsome,” you blurt that out without thinking. Compared to the hybrids created by the Weyland-Yutani Corporation, Sylus is ahhhhhhh. A mysterious and undeniable success. You have never seen a man so devastatingly attractive before. He has the kind of face your imagination would use when you retreat into your fantasy world. Any kind of fantasy.

“Should I take it as a form of thanks for saving you?” he asks, standing at his full height (those two meters mmm), one eyebrow raised in an expression that many would label it as arrogance. He looks down at you, chin tilted up and studying you as intently as you study him. Even his voice is appealing, sexy tone, rich, smooth and money money money by abba. Maybe you are a freak???

“Saved? You came specifically to save me?” you snap. “You? The one who planted Letiția’s body and the food specifically to lure us all outside? Cut the bullshit. You are vile.” sitting down, with your hands behind your back, you subtly try to grab the flamethrower behind you.

“Vile? I thought you wanted to honor your friend by recovering her remains. Was I mistaken?” But OF COURSE his Xenomorph instinct catches on. His long tail creeps towards you. You grab the flamethrower just as the terminal, bony tip of his tail wraps around your waist, dragging you in his direction (it’s y/n dragging day guys). As he drags you past Letiția’s body, you raise the flamethrower and point it at him. A grin. That’s what you get. A stupid, hot smirk. GOD.

“Go on.” he urges. You could pull the trigger and incinerate him like a failed bbq steak but you hesitate. “What’s the matter? Perhaps, a change of heart?” he knows damn well that you con’t make crabby patties out of him. Maybe he caught on the fact that you knew about his existence from how close you were with that Synthetic on your first day. It’s true. You can’t kill him. You can’t lose the ticket. You have to capture him, not give him a tan.

The reality hits hard. Sylus is one step ahead. You need a new plan.

And you need it now.

You set the flamethrower down and raise your hands. His tail subtly tightens around your waist and you bite your lower lip to muffle your sounds. He liked that. He finds enjoyment in playing with you.

“Sylus.” you say the name only you know.

“Aa. You finally decided to cut the bullshit.” he remarks, mocking your words from earlier.

“Yes, Sylus. No more bullshit. I swear!” you try to figure out if this attitude is working. Thick, expressive eyebrows, white hair, ruby eyes that refuse to break eye contact, perfect jawline, very beautiful lips and his nose— pull yourself together!! So you do. “I’m aware that I don’t stand a chance against you, not even slightly.”

“That’s what you decided to convey to me now that you realized that I have the upper hand? I expected better.” His brows furrow but the corners of his mouth curl slightly up.

“Exactly!” you point your finger at him and nod. “You have the upper hand, I’m harmless compared to you.” You throw the flamethrower aside to reinforce your point. That earned you a squeeze to your waist and you let a long, strained sight that threatens to sound like something else if he keeps doing that. “See? Harmless,” you return to locking eyes with him again.

“And your whole point is…?”

“A bargain.” His eyebrow arches again, this time not smiling.

“How considerate and sweet of you.” his dry reply has no business being this hot. “What’s your offer… sweetie?” you try not to visibly cringe at the nickname.

“I can tell you’re intrigued by us.”

“Indeed. You guys are intriguingly stupid.”

“No— okay, whatever you say, beautiful.” You managed to control your attitude and not roll your eyes. “I’m intrigued by you too. The feeling is mutual. You prefer us because we are not a bunch of lunatics in lab coats. We are ordinary. We don’t view you as a tool to exploit for the sake of evolution.”

“But you’re afraid of me.” he means you, specifically.

“Not really— well, a little, I’ll admit. But that can change. We can learn from each other. Not just me from you. Mutually. Willingly.” You pause. “For example, I’m very curious about how you were made.”

“How were you made?” he interrupts, using your question against you.

“Uhm. Okay.” you blink, caught off guard by his directness. “Uhm… through sex.” Your cheeks flush, but if he comments on it, you’ll blame it on the temperature. Now, why did you say that? You didn’t even had to respond to that. He finds it amusing. “That’s what it’s called. But many prefer to… uhh… instead of resorting to this reproductive process … make love? Yeah. Make love. “ Sylus’s eyes sparkle, you definitely said something that interests him.

“That means we have something in common. I think I was created through love, not sex.” That statement completed contradicts everything you read in a day’s worth of research on Xenomorph reproduction.

“Really?” Now your eyes sparkle and the roles have been reversed. Sylus has successfully turned the tables. The emotional part in you would do anything to satisfy the curiosity that lingered since reading his interrogation. The rational part in you tries to remind you that you’re losing ground. Ration wins.

“My offer is…” you begin, but Sylus squeezes your waist again. He is slightly annoyed that you’ve broken free from his trance. “… OKAY! First, let go of my waist. Wouldn’t it be better if I speak freely? I don’t think intimidation is necessary for this conversation.”

“You say that as if you didn’t point a deadly weapon at me after I saved your life.” He clearly has a thing for countering everything you say, but he releases your waist and withdraws his tail. You feel like patting yourself on the back for this small victory, but you’re interrupted again.

“Well?”

You take a deep breath.

“If you give me Letiția’s authorised card so I can keep my shipmates safe, I’ll go with you. I’m expressing, directly, my willingness to follow you without resistance. I’ll show you what love means between people, maybe even help you discover that part of yourself that’s made of love.” It has reached the point where you are both lost in each other. You don’t know how to describe it. You’re starting to believe in the proposal you crafted on the spot to fool him.

“Deal.”

He unclenches the fist holding Letiția’s card and extends it to you. You snatch it without a second thought. Then he extends his other hand. Large, black, glossy, long fingers and sharp claws.

Maybe the perfect plan was to destroy all three cards and set yourself on fire. But you end up reaching towards his hand (in slow-motion too).

Take his hand. Take him.

Suddenly, both doors swing open. Rocco and Enzo are behind Sylus, stunned by his presence. The old man and Miranda stand behind you, equally stunned. And you feel like your privacy has been invaded. Sylus remains unbelievably calm.

Rocco steps forward, pointing his automatic rifle in his direction. Sylus just grabs him by the neck like he’s nothing and slams him against the wall before he can react. Enzo —noticing the xenomorphs advancing and about to enter the ship— squats down and runs past Sylus, narrowly dodging a tail strike that slices into the metal. Before straightening his body, he grabs you around the waist with both of his arms and lifts you up from the ground. Despite his lack of muscles, he carries you effortlessly.

Sylus watches everything with a faint, innocent smile. Unsettling innocent. Hard to tell how he is feeling when he throws Rocco out of the corridor where his “kind” are now finishing him for good.

The old man walks past you and sets fire to the corpses that were left lying around. You averted your gaze as the flames spread to Letiția’s body. It's tragic how she became the first victim. She should have been the heroine like she always was. A heroine for her children. The proof lived not only in her character, but also in each scar on her body. Scars that she showed you when she told you that she didn't regret selling her body for her kids, how she was the happiest person when she offered them the life she never had. You clenched the cards tightly in your fists. As the smell of her burning flesh hits your nose, you whispered a prayer for her peace.

༺☆༻

You lost territory. Well, just the entrance room and the corridor. A few people too.

Aldo sacrificed himself for Enzo and Rocco. Rocco sacrificed himself for all of you. Colby? You don’t even think about him anymore.

Theo refuses to speak to anyone, convinced that if he does, he’ll die too.

Miranda nearly died as well. When the old man followed her while she was trying to get away from Colby’s persistent harassment, she came across Otto’s body. The one who was mostly in charge of surveillance and was supposed to be resting.

Otto committed s*icide. He shot himself in the chest. He had good dexterity and had always wanted to go into the medical field since he was a child. His aim was perfectly precise, he succeeded in avoiding a slow death. Above the wound was a photo of his boyfriend from home, Ludwig, and a ring he wore around his neck on a thin silver thread. No one knew he was secretly married until you read the message written on the back of the photograph.

“Bis dass der Tod uns scheidet. Wir sind an diese verbotene Liebeszeremonie gebunden.”

(“Until death do us part. We are bound by this ceremony of forbidden love”)

Love.

Miranda took the blame — even though you tried to argue it’s not true. She confessed that when she found Otto, she wanted to do the same. Colby left and it took the old man a long time to talk Miranda down into stopping her from pulling the trigger of the gun she had pressed to her own forehead.

Theo got involved during Miranda's apology speech and pointed his finger at everyone. The argument that followed was eventually calmed down by Enzo, who reminded everyone that if you keep blaming each other, no one will survive another day. He was right. Twelve of you came, five of you remained. And Enzo ended up being very respected for surviving outside, even though he returned empty-handed.

You got not praise. You decided to keep your intereaction with Sylus a secret and pretend it was a — ohh I’m just like a cliche lady in distress in need of saving! Enzo!! But their way of perceiving is not a problem to you.

What troubles you now is how nothing adds up.

You suspect Sylus of being the one that stole the ship’s fuel, but if that’s true, why didn’t he destroy the barricade system? That means that he also knew the codes from the beginning, if he truly is the thief. But if it’s not him, then who? Why didn’t he used that Xenomorph’s acidic blood to force his own way in anyway? Where are the bodies of the scientists that arrived before you? Is there someone else that poses a bigger threat? Nothing makes sense. You made a deal too. Sylus surely haven’t forgotten.

Everything is starting to feel…

Intentional.

AN: pfewww. Took me a day to write this (told you inspiration flows better when I write in my language) BUT TRANSLATING IT AND EDITING IT— pfewww— two full business days. I hope I didn’t disappoint, I feel like this is crap. Anyways. Not sure when I will write chapter 2. This week for sure not.

Tags: @some-rad-socks-and-a-crisis @qweuf3459 @starr-matterr @stxrrielle @tinyweebsstuff @and-s0me0ne

@stargirlygirl hi sexy.

@seradyn I hope I did not disappoint a fellow alien fan.

#lads sylus #love and deepspace #sylus smut #sylus x reader #fanfic #tw monsterfucking #sylus fanfic #love and deepsace sylus #love and deepspace x reader #x reader #qin che smut #lads smut #lads #lads qin che #qin che x reader #qin che

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utopianparadoxist · 3 months ago

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On Roxy, Centrism, Gravitation, and Love

So Candy Roxy has gotten a lot of shit--rightfully so--for taking a consistently centrist and peacekeeping role in the Candy timeline. Generally averse to the spotlight and of the opinion that the Gods, with their outsize importance and cultural weight, should stay out of the governing affairs of regular people, Roxy has largely been reduced to a passerby watching as her friends plummet the world into chaos as they try to tear each other's throats out.

But there's another way to read her fundamental centrism, one where her focus and perspective simply aren't political, but rather interpersonal. As one redditor (I lost the comment and don't know who, sorry!) put it, they read Roxy in this latest update as a character striving to "keep everyone together", to pull the fracturing group back into unity.

Pulling things together. That sounds familiar.

It sounds, in fact, like Gravity. "In physics, gravity (from Latin gravitas 'weight'[1]) is a fundamental interaction primarily observed as a mutual attraction between all things that have mass." In other words, Gravity is a word we use to describe the fact that everything that physically exists, that has substance and matter, is inexorably pulled towards each other.

Rose describes gravitation as "the intrinsic nature of nothingness", that is to say, the nature of Void itself. And while the force of Gravity gets weaker the further things are spread apart, this weak and subtle force is what draws together cosmic gases that compact and condense into each other with such intensity that they give birth to the Stars themselves.

In this way, Void is a force which creates and becomes Light. And in the same way Gravity acts as a force pulling stellar objects together, laying the foundation for organized solar systems and ultimately Life itself--could Roxy be trying to act as a force pulling her friends into harmony reflect her relationship to the Void, right at the time the Black Hole threatens to grind them all into oblivion and they most need someone to rally them to a unified cause?

Let's see how deep we can dive into the dark.

--@lime-bloods's Void/Home Collage.

To start with, there's some required reading to understand where I'm trying to go. The image above is from Homestuck blogger @lime-bloods, who has done some absolutely brilliant work unpacking the symbolic importance of Black Holes.

I suggest reading the images above to grasp the full context of the idea, but in essence, it suggests that Black Holes are synonymous with the concept of the Home in the bounds of Paradox Space.

As Lime-bloods states, The local Black Hole of a Cherub's birthplace is identified as that Cherub's home, and Cherubs always return to this same black hole in order to reproduce. John's speech about the note that desolation plays makes reference to "the Voids keeping neighbors apart", in other words, the houses separating communities into families.

--@lime-bloods's Void/Home Collage.

The Sprites, too, are bound to the gravity of their player's Home during Sburb, unable to leave the house until the player reaches unlocks the ability to summon and eventually release them. This carries over into Homestuck: Beyond Canon, where almost every sprite manifests inside the Black Hole created by The Point.

The only exception to this is Jasprose, who A) As a Light player may have some natural resistance to the call of the Void and B) was the only Sprite explicitly released from her duty by her Player--Davepeta "released themselves" as Davesprite, but we don't know if that represents true freedom from their Sprite nature or merely a more nuanced rebellion against it. That's a tangent though, lets get to The Point.

--@lime-bloods's Void/Home Collage.

The Plot Point is a massive machine created by Roxy and Calliope for the purpose of stabilizing a Black Hole, a supermassive source of literal and narrative Gravity, and for all intents and purposes, it represents a Space/Void fraymotif, or feat of combined Aspect magic.

And what it does once Vriska dives into it is pull her into an cocoon forcing to re-experience of her old childhood Home, her very experience of being Homestuck, to force her to confront and grow past it. In this simulacra of her Home she has to contend with the toxic family dynamics she grew up with--Mindfang and Spidermom as her mothers, Doc Scratch as her groomer and symbolic father.

Diving into the Black Hole makes her once again Homestuck.

"...Understanding that Rose's lapse into alcoholism is her own way of succumbing to 'gravity' - a pull towards toxic familial cycles which not only evokes Vriska's own "addiction" to breaking 8-balls but also literally surrounds the drinker in a dark pocket - her allusions to the Void and gravity here are also tinged by her own experience and outlook as a Seer of Light (who heavily relied on a magic cue ball as her source; a fountain of information which is symbolically opposed to the information-consuming black hole)..." @lime-bloods reader response to my ask.

Lime-Bloods also draws the insight that Rose's relationship with alcoholism--brought out by her grief over the loss/absence/non-existence of Mom in the first place--is itself her succumbing to the call of Void, of Gravity, the narrative and force that pulls her toward Roxy, Mom, and her own childhood. It is in the midst of her alcoholism, after all, that she has the very revelation that leads her to tie Gravity and Nothingness/Void together in the first place.

There's another name for that force. Another form Gravity can take, that is experienced not narratively, but emotionally.

"My instinct is that Rose has reached the same conclusion I have: that 'gravity', as a metonym for the influence of a black hole, is just the inevitable pull towards oblivion. I think she's using "nothingness" as a euphemism for "space", over which gravity has dominion, but through this we can start to appreciate how the concepts of Space and Void weave into each other ("nothingness", "space" and "void" all being functional synonyms)..." @lime-bloods reader response to my ask.

At the same time that lime-bloods identifies Gravity with characters being pulled towards their homes--and so, emotionally, toward their histories with each other, in the context of Child/Guardian pairs-they also identify Gravity with the pull towards oblivion, towards nothingness.

Towards death, like how it was in death itself that Rose's mother gained the gravity to pull her daughter's heart closer to her, bringing all of Rose's love flooding to the surface. Death is itself a kind of nothingness after all, and while Space is the neighbor holding Void's left hand on the wheel, Void spins through the cosmos holding Doom's hand on its right.

And there's something interesting there when it comes to Roxy. A recurring pattern in her emotional responses to death and brushes with mortality. When Jaspers died and she held an elaborate funeral for him in an attempt to connect with Rose, like when Rose died and she held a private funeral for her and reached out to embrace Jaspers, when Dirk committed suicide in Candy and Roxy reacted by proposing to John at his funeral--

when faced with her mortality, Roxy reaches out for love.

She actually lays out this logic explicitly in the midst of her proposal. Death reminds her that time is finite, and that reminds her that what she wants to prioritize in her life is her love and connections to the people that matter to her.

John's inner thoughts in response to her proposal describe love in a rather interesting way, too--describing it as a feeling that goes "unexamined", unobserved, not directly paid attention to, as if out of the spotlight of the concious mind, until it becomes overwhelming and crashes over you.

As if a mass of cosmic nebulae gaining enough Gravity to compact gases together intensely enough to birth Stars--or Light. This association between realized Love and Light isn't new--as the aspect of Truth and Importance, the original comic associates Light with almost every major pairing, including Dirkjake, Vrisrezi, Rosemary and Roxycallie.

But the process of being drawn closer together and developing love, of strangers becoming acquaintances becoming friends becoming family or life partners, gaining importance in each other's eyes through the mutual attraction of Gravity--that process tends to take place mostly in the Void in original Homestuck, askance and askew from the viewer's perspective, hidden and private.

Though perhaps I shouldn't limit the force of Gravity entirely to the word "Love" (perhaps Passion is a better one, Heart's echo to Void's Gravity as a horizontally mirrored pair on the wheel) after all, Terezi tells John that the purpose of kissmesitude is ultimately to force both partners to "Shine a Light" on parts of themselves that would otherwise go ignored in other to improve both parties, meaning Hate can serve much the same purpose.

Dirk, for example, shines a light on massive problems with himself and with his effects on other people interpersonally through his relationships with Jake (Love) and Hal (Hate). Both force him to contend with himself and grow, enabling his eventual rooftop conversation with Dave.

Coming back to the Candy timeline in this latest update, we find Roxy trying to pull everyone in a centrist position on the matter of Jane, again reaching out to the friends she knows and loves for support when faced with the imminent mortality of someone she cares about. She finds nothing.

The thing is, the call towards love, towards Home, isn't inherently either good or bad. What I'd call it instead is essential, as in that in the same way gravity pulls astral bodies together and keeps us bound to Earth, it is in the essence of people to be pulled towards one another.

This contextualizes the Home as a Void symbol somewhat. Above all else, what a Home literally is is a House, and what a House really is is Empty. A house means nothing by itself, its purpose to be a hollow shell encasing people away from the elements.

It is the shared life, the mutual draw of love or the conflict and hate between the people sharing that Home that defines it, that gives it distinct meaning, whether for the better or for the worse. Without that inner Light, a House is indeed a perfectly generic object--an oversized Box, forgettable, infinitely replaceable. A microcosm of the Void itself.

So as Lime-Bloods says, Gravity/Love pulls Rose towards reliving toxic family dynamics, and in this case it pulls Roxy towards saving the life of a fascist who will inevitably make the world more toxic and cruel for everyone, simply on the strength of feeling provided by Jane having been a core part of Roxy's Home herself.

That said, what is toxic in one context can be productive in another, and right now the Candy adults are desperately in need of a leader who can get them all to agree on a direction to take towards solving the very real, very imminent problem of the Black Hole obliterating the Candy Timeline to nothingness.

While Vriska suggests that it may be possible for them to save Earth C from its fate, it is really only Roxy that is stepping up to the plate of advocating for it, continuously emphasizing the metaphysical threat and her unwillingness to abandon her Home, and by association, the very Black Hole that entraps her.

She says it best herself: She feels it in her gut that they can still save this place, and who better than a Hero of Void to make that kind of determination? A Black Hole is after all as much a symbol of Void as it is one of Space.

So I suspect she's going to rise to the occasion of meeting this particular challenge, and if she does, she's going to do so on the merit of the Gravity/Love that keeps her bound to Earth C, in all its wretched beauty.

The two easiest ways I can think of to solve the Candy Earth situation are for either John to dive into the Point and become June, for all the Gods to work together on some sort of large-scale abstract fraymotif or combined God magic the likes of which we've never seen before, or some combination of both.

In any of those scenarios, it feels like Roxy will likely be coordinating and keeping the group on task, simply because everyone else is too distant and divided from each other. And all of this makes me think about someone else. The other Roxy, traveling to confront Dirk in Meat.

When I first read this update, Meat Roxy came off unusually cold to me, surprisingly callous about the idea of killing Dirk. He even came off as willing to do the deed himself if need be, and like he was simply asking Dave if he was up to the challenge.

Now I find myself wondering. It feels to me at the moment like Meat Roxy is playing it cool, so to speak, keeping his own cards close to his chest and deliberately providing the space for Dave to express his own feelings and opinion. Neither Roxy nor we get to hear Dave's answer, but considering Roxy even said he hopes things end hunky dory, he really asked the question as neutrally as possible, providing space for Dave to go either way without feeling judged.

But considering the lengths Jane was able to go and still have Candy Roxy's love keep her attached to her, at least as far as wanting to offer mercy, it seems likely to me that Meat Roxy would feel similarly merciful about Dirk. I'm sure Dirk will do everything in his power to make Roxy and Dave feel they have no choice but to try to end his life, but I think he and we may end up surprised at how far he'd have to go to really convince Roxy of that.

I suppose time will tell. This somehow feels incomplete--perhaps fittingly, even now it feels like nuances of both Void and Roxy escape me, and I find myself simply waiting for what the future will bring. But I think the association between Gravity and Love treads new ground on the subject of Void, and I hope you enjoyed reading about it.

Nothing to do now but wait for the next upd8.

Keep rising.

#Homestuck #Homestuck: Beyond Canon #HS2 #Roxy Lalonde #Meat Roxy #Candy Roxy #Classpects #Void #Lime-Bloods

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elizabethminkel · 1 year ago

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My latest fandom column for Atlas Obscura is live! This one is on @terrorcamp, a Terror fandom con + polar history conference that truly feels like it straddles both fandom and academia. Many thanks to the brilliant group of people who spoke to me for this piece, especially TC organizer @areyougonnabe, of course!!

There are so many quotes I love, but one of my favorites was from Hester Blum, a Penn State English professor, on how the event reshaped her thinking about current teaching in the humanities:

Watching the presentations from younger fans also made her reassess the way she and her colleagues approach their students; many academics discuss younger generations’ interest in “relatability,” and how it prevents them from engaging with history and literature. “One of the things that this conference made me realize is how fundamentally we have misunderstood what it means to be ‘relatable,’” she says. “And it’s not simply a lack of critical distance or affinity—but the kind of passionate fan response, as something that is deeply critical and deeply thought-through. It was one of those moments that was like, ‘Oh, this can be the future of engagement.’ This was incredible.”

#my writing #atlas obscura #fandom #academia #fan cons #the terror #polar history #polar humanities #humanities

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shisasan · 3 months ago

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Tomohide Ikeya, MOON

'The Guidance of the Moon - Engraving the Rhythm of Life'

Just as the sun provides light and warmth to life, the moon is also an indispensable presence for life on Earth. The ebb and flow of the tides, created by the moon's gravitational pull, have promoted the evolution of living organisms and have been marking the rhythm of life. The night is a tranquil time that should not be filled with artificial light. The sea illuminated only by moonlight reminds us of the natural rhythm that life should inherently possess. In this artwork, the eternally remaining hair embraces the memory of life (DNA), expressing the mysterious world of the night where life and death exist side by side. Although hair does not feel pain, it carries a message that connects to the next generation as a definite proof of life. The moonlight emerging in the dark night illuminates the boundary between the fundamental desire of life and the inevitable death. This tense silence is depicted as an essential part of life. The idea of "memento mori" (remember that you must die) embedded in the work simultaneously highlights the transience and preciousness of life. In modern society, would eliminating the night with artificial light not threaten the natural workings that life should inherently possess? The quiet time under the moonlight is a precious gift for all life. The "MOON" series explores the influence that the moon has had on the rhythm and evolution of life, using the symbolic motifs of water and the human body to express the fundamental duality of life where life and death, creation and extinction coexist. Through this work, we can deeply contemplate the mystery and dignity of life.

#tomohide ikeya #conceptual art #conceptual photography #water photography #moon #water #underworld #dark feminine #sacred elements #dark photography #photography #u #obsidian #shadow integration #beautiful

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transmutationisms · 10 months ago

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Hey, I've been delving into anti psychiatry readings but one thing always stands out to me: if there is no underlying disease behind a depressive state, for example, how does that new paradigm not end up placing the blame on the patient? I ask in good faith as I still don't have a clear answer on that regard, and would like to have better conversations about this topic that don't end when people tell me of a close relative with depression who has seemingly had a life free of traumas that could otherwise present as depression.

-materialist (marxist) anti psychiatry identifies the root 'cause' or basis of psychological experiences in the economic and material conditions of existence. depression or other forms of distress, just like other affective states, derive fundamentally from the world we live in, our political situation, the material alienation of estranged labour that underlies 'alienation' the psychological state. this doesn't mean that resolving the contradictions of capitalism (that is, workers' revolution) will magically eliminate all sources of distress, depression, or other currently pathologised experiences. however, it would certainly resolve / eliminate some distress for some people; additionally, it is the only way to overcome the capitalist paradigm that values people by their adherence to a normative standard of ability, which is what renders depressed people (for example) economically marginalised 'failed citizens'

-keeping the above in mind, i would question whether there is really such thing as a person who 'has no trauma' ie, has no material basis for alienation, depression, or distress. capitalism is an estranging system, including for the owner class (though of course this occurs in a different way to the labouring class, and i am not suggesting that the bourgeoisie are the 'victims' of capitalism or some such)

-none of the above is mutually exclusive with the role that an individual's neurobiology plays in their subjective or psychological state. like any base/superstructure phenomenon, the relationship is dialectical, with the material base generally dominating, but both acting on and being affected by superstructural phenomena. economic and material conditions lead to subjective experiences such as depressions; these experiences are also instantiated in, reacting to, and reacted upon by the physiological processes in the brain/body. however, when we say that depression (for example) is not a disease we mean that there is no biological entity---no infectious pathogen, no 'chemical imbalance', no organic lesion, no anatomical defect or physiological malfunction---that is identifiable as a single cause or correlate of depressed states, nor will there ever be; the psychiatric label is a heuristic catch-all applied to a constellation of experiences (symptoms) that are varying degrees of disagreeable to individuals (patients) as well as to medical and state authorities

-i think it's overly credulous to the psychiatric profession to assert that calling something a disease means that no one can 'blame the patient' for it. in fact i would say it would be difficult to name a disease that doctors, state authorities, and society at large does NOT blame on patients

-i also think it's overly credulous to the psychiatric profession to assert that there is a dichotomy between neurobiological diseases and things that are individual faults or failings. in fact i would posit that most subjective experiences, including of distress, are neither

#psychiatry

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artfromsaturn · 1 year ago

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Collection of Free Art Tutorials

I don't usually make text post on this blog, but a nice artist I know was asking for tutorials a while back and I forgot to send some to them while in school. So here's a post on it since it's easiest to grab and go this way. :)

This list focuses on the basics. I'm focusing on the foundations of art, so medium is generally irrelevant and you can use physical or digital with these. You'll have to google more specific tutorials on things like character design and such.

One of the biggest pieces of advice I can give to you is strangely, introduce things to yourself one at a time. In art class, we took whole topics week by week. For high school, we did a few exercises then spent a week drawing/painting and doing your piece(s). For basic art 1 & 2 in college, we did 1-2 exercises and then did 1-2 drawings, followed by HW (which we turned in next week) and sketchbook practice (which she'd check at midpoints). For basic art lessons with a tutor, we did practice then our own art. You can see the pattern here - the point is don't be distressed if you don't get everything at once, or the lesson in 2 weeks, or the lesson in 3 years - we practice and do a lot over time, and you'll pick up on things you need to improve naturally and through help with others. Take time to be proud of your art in mini steps too, even if it's not the best! You tried and attempting to climb an obstacle over and over again before finally leapfrogging it is still progress to it.

Overall tutorials:

DrawABox.com is a site that's dedicated to art exercises and practicing when you can. They talk about the basics of art as well as how practice is important. It can get tough at times and it's ok to stop and do a balance of say those practices and doodles if you choose to try and do all of it's stuff - but you don't have to either. It's just a nice basic education done by some art nerds who like going hard.

Ethering Brothers - these guys are famous for their 40billion tutorials. If you need help on a specific idea, search their gallery and you'll likely find something.

Thundercluck's Art Fundamentals - She did a good huge ass tutorials on how things work, and it's the least overwhelming of the 3 I got in this section, so I suggest it as one of the first to look at for digital stuff.

Art Instructions Blog - Another good & simpler website that goes great into fundamentals. They focus more on traditional art but if you're digital, you can replicate most of the techniques - art fundamentals and subjects cover all mediums. Very important

Drawsh - Particularly notes on Construction: construction is the basics of building an illusion of a 3D image on a page. Figuring out how to build shape gives depth to your work, and learning how to see in 3D lets you be able to draw an item then move it around in your head (sometimes, when you're good enough, don't be afraid to pull out a reference or use live subjects). Construction is how to figure out the foundation of your drawing, and good planning = better picture! This link starts at the back, hit newer post to go forward.

There's a lot on anatomy and other nitty gritty details for when you want to practice those as well.

Griz and Norm's Assorted tips - Long time artist talk about various tips and tricks they use in art and how to avoid certain pitfalls. It's eclectic but great to look through.

James Gurney's Blog - He's got a lot of thoughts, a lot of tips, and a lot of adventures he catalogues. It's the least organized out of these but fortunately he has plenty of tags and most post have something neat going on. He's fantastic!🥰

BEFORE ALL OTHER BASICS….

How to Make Your Art Look Nice: Mindset

There's a lot of artist with different perspectives on how to approach art and your mindset while doing it, but the general consensus is that it's a process and sometimes you have to remind yourself to enjoy art!

Line

How to draw straight lines without a ruler. …but for the love of all that's good do NOT feel bad about using one! This talks about how to hold your pencil and how to do some good freehand stuff, some good practice.

5 grips for holding a Pencil for Drawing - This goes for pencil, pen, tablet, etc.. Get comfortable and figure out what's right for you and your pictures. I'd like to note that paintbrush holding will overlap, but some will differ.

A few line drawing exercises that help with line confidence.

Types of line drawings & what they are.

Contour Line & exercises with Mrs. Cook - Contour lines are one of the first art exercises I do in all the drawing classes I've taken. The good news is that they're surprisingly fun & look neat, even the blind contours!

Good deep thoughts on lines and how to use them.

Line Weight Tutorial

Lineart Weight Tips!

How to show variation in your line art: part 1 & part 2.

Some teacher's Drawing 1 & 2 lessons put online.

Light, Shadow, & Value

An introduction to tonal values.

Why values are important. The main reasons are that they give depth to a piece, and values literally shape our world.

Tonal Values: Everything you need to know

How does light work & the basics on Light

Light & Shadow in Art - much more in depth of the above! Highly recommended if you have time to spare.

Understanding grayscale/monochrome art. Great for shading & planning.

A guide to Cross Hatching (and hatching in general) - As a side note, crosshatching is one of the early things taught as it marries Line + Value into a nice neat package and helps add form with just a pen.

Crosshatching for Comics

Learn more about coloring by working in grayscale

How to Make Your Art Look Nice - Contrast!

Using lighting to make your art look nice.

Some light & shadow classifications.

Edges - notes on how they work in shading.

Color

A side note - color theory doesn't differ much, but color MIXING will change between mediums. If you're doing traditional colored pencil, you're overlapping 2 or more pigments on top of each other. If you're doing traditional paint, you're mixing & creating a solution/emulsion (depends on the pigment and binding) of pigments with the particles reflecting light in different ways. In digital, overlapping colors & blending colors depend on how the program you use calculates it if you're not just putting 2 color side by side. This just means you have to adjust your mixing when you switch between them. :)

Slawek Fedorczuk's Light & Color Tips - also shows how to guide through a scene.

The Color Tutorial Part 1 & 2 by Sashas - A personal favorite.

Color Studies 1-6 by Sheri Doty Amazingly nice breakdown on how color works in simple terms.

Sarah Culture's Tips on Color

The value of underpainting

A few notes on reflective light.

Experimental color techniques with Alai Ganuza: first post, second, & third.

Color zones of the face charts

Composition

Good Tips on Composition

Here's an example of how you can search the Etherington Brothers' stuff and get like 10 tutorials and tips on one subject. Composition & Cover Design, Shadow Composition, Two Line Composition - plus more.

How to make your art look nice: Thumbnailing!

And don't be afraid to make silly thumbnails or sketches.

Composition Examples - charts like these are great when you can't think of something yourself. There's no shame in using them.

Flow and Rhythm

Formulas for landscape composition.

Perspective

Perspective Drawing Tutorial by Julie Duell

Linear & Atmospheric Perspective Guide

One Point Perspective City Tut by Swingerzetta

Niso Explains Perspective - these are great for drawing figures in perspective!

Putting characters into scenes and drawing backgrounds

Backgrounds that make your character stand out!

Using background detail to guide the eye.

Odds and Ends

I shit you not, probably 1/3rd of my color, value, & structure knowledge comes from pixel art since I've done so much of it and it is all about challenging yourself to do the most you can with limitations. Check out lospec's tutorial database for fun and see how it compares to art techniques you're doing - even if you never try a medium, it's always interesting to see how it works. :D

How to Make Your Art Look Nice: Reference Images & Style, Pushing Proportions, and developing style.

Foervraengd talks about how he expanded his comfort zone with concept art & landscape drawing.

Luna Art talks about what they're thinking when doing concept art.

Repeating visual motifs in character design looks cool.

Eric's Thoughts on Drawing Backgrounds and Props.

Show vs. Tell: Why Visual is Not Optional in comics.

The Lost Vocabulary of Visual Story Telling Day 1, Day 2, Day 3, & Day 4.

Traditional Animation's 2 Digital Library books, The Know-How of Cartooning by Ken Hultgren & Advanced Animation by Preston Blair are two books from the golden age of animation they have up on their site for free viewing!

Animation resources dot org has a lot of cool stuff. Here's Nat Falk's How to Make Animated Cartoons (part 1). Their pages on Instruction & Theory are a good start.

Books

Good news: the internet archive has a TON of resources. Make sure to check around and toggle filters, it's a bit weird with organization. For example, a book can be under art or drawing - techniques, depending on who catalogues it.

Andrew Loomis is someone artist tend to die-hard reccomend. His work is collected here & here on the internet archive (one is Andrew Loomis, the other is Loomis, Andrew - thanks). I own Figure Drawing for All It's Worth and I recommend checking all of his stuff out, especially if you're having trouble with bodies and hands.

The Animator's Survival Guide by Richard Williams is mandatory in animation classes for good reason - it's fantastic!

Perspective for Comic Book Artist by David Chelsea is great for any type of artist. So is Extreme Perspective & Perspective in Action.

Scott McCloud's Understanding Comics, Reinventing Comics, & Making Comics. The first one is on the internet archive, the second two are likely avaliable at your library or at a bookstore as they're pretty popular.

Speaking of comics, Drawing Comics the Marvel Way has been a favorite of comic artist for years no matter what comic book companies and artist you like, it's a good introduction.

Anything by or endorsed by James Gurney, Color and Light: A Guide for the Realistic Painter is one of my favorites (this is his official page but you can get them elsewhere for cheaper too).

Art resource blogs with good tagging systems: @artist-refs , @help-me-draw , @helpfulharrie , @art-res , @drawingden , & @how-to-art

Lastly, I suggest if you find something you like online for free, SAVE IT! Whether it is through the Wayback Machine, screenshotting a whole webpage, reblogging/retweeting something, or putting it on pinterest, digital media is fickle and tends to go up in smoke when you least expect it. I have a partially organized Pinterest board that helped me find most of the stuff I wanted to keep. Figure out what works for you and save what you can.

#tutorials #art resources #art tutorial #tutorial #txt

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fatehbaz · 5 months ago

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Edit: Removed the screenshot so as not to share dm stuff, but I got a message from someone who couldn't send an ask, inquiring: "i was wondering what book it was that you mentioned about the philippines? i'd be interested in reading it." Sorry to post; figured it would be a subject worth sharing with interested others. Good news: It's an article, so it's relatively easier to access and read.

Jolen Martinez. "Plantation Anticipation: Apprehension in Chicago from Reconstruction America to the Plantocratic Philippines" (2024). An essay from an Intervention Symposium titled Plantation Methodologies: Questioning Scale, Space, and Subjecthood. Hosted and published by Antipode Online. 4 January 2024.

Basically:

Explores connections between plantations in US-occupied Philippines and the policing institutions and technologies of Chicago. Martinez begins with racism in Chicago in the 1870s. Coinciding with Black movement to the city (from the South during Reconstruction and the Great Migration) Chicago was, in Martinez's telling, a center of white apprehension. Chicago public, newspapers, and institutions wanted to obsessively record information about Black people and labor dissidents, including details on their motivations and inner life. Between 1880-ish and 1910-ish Chicago then became a center of surveillance, records-keeping, classification systems, and new innovations in collecting information. Within a year after the labor rebellions, the Adjutant General of the US Army who led Chicago's militarized crackdown on the 1877 Great Railroad Strike immediately moved to DC and proposed establishing "the Military Information Division" (MID); eventually founded in 1885, MID started collecting hundreds of thousands of Bertillon-system intelligence cards on dissidents and "criminals." Meanwhile, National Association of Chiefs of Police headquartered their central bureau of identification (NBCI) in Chicago in 1896. At play here is not just the collection of information, but the classification systems organizing that information. The MID and related agencies would then go on to collect mass amounts of information on domestic residents across the US. In Martinez's telling, these policing beliefs and practices - including "management sciences" - were then "exported" by MID to the Philippines and used to monitor labor and anticolonial dissent. Another Chicago guy developed "personality typing" and psychological examinations to classify criminality, and then trained Philippines police forces to collect as much information as possible about colonial subjects.

The information-gathering in the Philippines constituted what other scholars like Alfred McCoy have called one of the United States' first "information revolutions"; McCoy described these practices and social/professional networks as "capillaries of empire." Martinez suggests that it's important to trace the lineage of these racialized anxieties and practices from Chicago to the Philippines, because "such feelings were fundamental to linking plantations which at first seem so spatially and temporally distant." And "[u]ltimately, the US colonial plantocracy in the Philippines built its authority around information infrastructures [...] and feelings emanating from Chicago [...] that extended from the image of the American South."

Important context: 1899/1900-ish is when the US occupied or consolidated power in Panama, Cuba, Puerto Rico, Guam, Hawaii, and the Philippines.

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Side-note:

The Bertillon system (bertillonage) was standardized at about this same time, 1879-ish, and in similar social and racial contexts, becoming popular in other Midwest/Great Lakes cities, especially to track Black people (though it was also rapidly and widely adopted famously as an essential approach across Europe). The system used body measurements to identify and classify people, especially "criminals," significantly involving photography, such that Bertillon is also sometimes credited as the originator of "the mugshot."

I'd add that the aforementioned police chiefs National Bureau of Criminal Identification (NBCI) stayed in Chicago from 1896 until 1902, when the killing of President McKinley frightened officials with potential of wider popular movements; at that point, it was moved to DC, as William Pinkerton (co-director of the Pinkerton agency) donated the agency's photograph collection to build the new bureau, and NBCI strengthened itself by collecting fingerprints and became the precursor to the FBI, founded 1908. (After 1895-ish especially, European authorities were transcending their petty rivalries to attempt forming international police agencies and share documents, tracking each others' domestic radicals/dissidents.)

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You could compare the colonial use of Bertillon-style intelligence card systems in Chicago and US-occupied Philippines to the rise of fingerprinting as a weapon of Britain in India.

Edward Henry was the Inspector-General of Police in Bengal, appointed 1891, basically the top cop in British India. He exchanged letters with notorious eugenicist Francis Galton, wherein they specifically talked about the importance of developing a classification system for fingerprints that could be used alongside the Bertillon system of anthropometric identification. (Another British imperial administrator in India, Sir William Herschel, had previously been the first to pioneer fingerprinting by taking hand-prints.) By 1897, police forces in India had been adopting the so-called Henry Classification System, and the Governor-General of India personally decreed that fingerprinting be adopted across India. By 1900, Henry was sent to South Africa to train police in classification systems. By 1903, Henry was back in Britain and became head of the Metropolitan Police of London, now the top cop in Britain. (Compare dates with US developments: British police in India adopt fingerprint identification system the same year that Chicago police found their proto-FBI central identification bureau. Less than a year after the US head-of-state gets killed, Britain super-charges the London police.)

So, the guy who pioneered fingerprinting classification for use in maintaining order and imperial power in India and other colonies was eventually brought in to deploy those tactics on Britons in the metropole.

The kind of colony-to-metropole violence thing described by many theorists. (Britain also developed traditions of police photography in context of rebellions in Jamaica and India. Outside of London, the first permanent "modern" police forces across the rest of Britain were legally provisioned for with the Irish Constabulary of 1837 and County Police Act of 1839, "coincidentally" just before/during a 27th of July 1838 "Vagrancy Act" law that made "joblessness" a crime which was put into effect JUST FOUR DAYS before the 1st of August 1838 date when emancipation of Black slaves in the British Caribbean was allowed. As in, four days before nearly a million Black residents of the Empire got legal freedom, Britain outlawed vagrancy and was building permanent national police forces.)

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The 1890s were outrageous. Japan's domestic 1880 Penal Code was built on French models. The Ottoman Empire built a system of passport requirements to monitor movement; France did something similar in Algeria. In 1898, the Austria-Hungary imperial foreign minister called for the formation of an "International Police League." This prompted an Italian radical at the time to write:

"The police are the same in all parts of the world. Laws have been fabricated by the bourgeoisie on the same model; in this, the bourgeoisie is more international than we are."

And Great Lakes cities, after the Great Migration, were notorious for this kind of police violence. Consider how the Bertillon system was used early-on by Minneapolis police to track and target Black "alley workers" (try keyword-searching "Minneapolis Bertillon alley workers"). Or how Chicago was a focal point of antiblack violence in the Red Summer of 1919. Or how Milwaukee has some the most distinct Black-white segregation of any large urban area in the US. Or how, after Elliot Ness lionized law enforcement officials in Chicago during the Al Capone case, he then led policing operations in Cleveland culminating in the mass eviction and the burning of Kingsbury Run shantytown. (Chicago is like a funnel, a node, a hub. Especially after the 1860s: Center of railroad networks. Center of telegraph networks. Destination for Texas/Kansas cattle shipped to Chicago meatpacking houses. Destination for Corn Belt prairie agricultural products. Hence the 1893 World's Columbian Exposition and Chicago's turn of the century image as a modernist metropolis. So they had to keep the laborers in line.)

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Anyway, the other story that I mentioned regarding Philippines was from:

Gregg Mitman. "Forgotten Paths of Empire: Ecology, Disease, and Commerce in the Making of Liberia's Plantation Economy." Environmental History, Volume 22, Number 1. January 2017.

For context, I'd note that this takes place in the midst of the US's "conquest of the mosquito" in its militarized occupation of Panama, where the canal was completed by the US between 1904 and 1914. (Again, US was occupying Philippines, Hawaii, Guam, Puerto Rico, and Cuba.)

In Mitman's story, Richard P. Strong was appointed as director of the brand-new Department of Tropical Medicine at Harvard in 1913. Shortly thereafter in 1914, as he toured plantations in Panama, Cuba, Guatemala, etc., Strong simultaneously took a job as director of the Laboratories of the Hospitals and of Research Work of the United Fruit Company (infamous for its brutal labor conditions in plantations, its land-grabbing in Central America, and its relationship to US corporate power). Harvard hired Strong partially on the recommendation of General William Cameron Forbes, who was the military governor of US-occupied Philippines from 1909 to 1913. When Harvard hired Strong, he had been living in the Philippines, where he was the personal physician to Governor Forbes, and was also the director of the Philippine Bureau of Science's Biological Laboratory, where he had experimented on Filipino prisoners without their knowledge; Strong fatally infected these unknowing test-subjects with bubonic plague. Then, Governor Forbes, after leading the US occupation of the Philippines, himself became an overseer to Harvard AND a director of United Fruit Company (also Forbes was a banker and the son of the president of Bell Telephone Company). Meanwhile, Strong also became a shareholder in British rubber plantations; Strong approached Harvey Firestone to help encourage the massive rubber company to negotiate a deal to expand plantations in West Africa, where Firestone got a 99-year-long concession to lease a million acres of land in Liberia. So there's an intimate relationship between military, plantations, colonization, medical professionals, corporate profiteering, land dispossession, etc.

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So, in each case, there is imperial anxiety about the threat of potential subversion from recalcitrant laborers. Imperial authorities cooperate and learn from each other. The rubber plantation owner is friends with the military general, who's friends with the laboratory technician, who's friends with the railroad developer, who's friends with the cop, who's friends with the forestry minister, who's friends with banana plantation owner. There are connections between the exercise of power in the Philippines and Panama and West Africa and Bengal and Chicago. Connections both material and imaginative.

#sorry for all this rambling #and sorry for removing image i just cant in good conscience bring myself to share screenshot of private message someone has sent me #even if a message may have been meant as part of or adjacent to amicable public discussion #tidalectics #intimacies of four continents #geographic imaginaries #ecologies #multispecies #plantationocene and plantations i guess idk #black methodologies #indigenous pedagogies #my writing i guess #archipelagic thinking #abolition

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loveemagicpeace · 5 months ago

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North node in Pisces & South Node in Virgo🦋🧜🏼‍♀️☁️

Pisces is a signs that is the most dreamy, illusional. You can expect a lot of things to be very spiritual. People can talk a lot more about mental health and things that are not seen. You will be much more committed to your world and to believing in something you believe in more.

*Sparkles ,shiny things, ocean, crystals, magical things, cakes, nostalgia, just vibing alone by the river ,listening to the music, cute things, hugs, hopeless romantic things. *

Love that is expressed in a much more selfless way. During this time, you can meet many people with whom you share a more magical path. Soulmates type of vibes. Love can become different, unconditional and sacrificial. During this time, you can sacrifice more for the people you love. Eternal Sunshine of the spotless mind type of love. Messy things, white dress with crystals. Having magical days. Connecting with your inner self, meditating, getting to know your subconscious. Sunsets & Sunrise. Magical path to stars. Finding imperfections in everything and loving it. With the North Node in Pisces, we're drawn to go deeper, beyond the obvious. Finding meaning in life is essential.

Feeling fulfilled and connected to the universe is incredibly important. Searching for answers beyond what's visible or measurable is a fundamental human drive. We are learning that it is okay not to have an answer, it is okay not to understand what is going on, it is okay not to know exactly where we are going. Just going with the flow - the fool (tarot card) journey. Things don't have to be logical or make any sense. Just you knowing and believing that this things exist it is enough. Believe in magic.

South node in Virgo

Forgetting what hard work feels like forgetting everything, not being perfect. Change the routine you have had so far and follow your body more closely. Give up the work you've been doing so far and take a new, better path. Wear something you feel comfortable in and don't wear something just to please others or to look good. Eat healthier foods. It will help you release the need to micromanage and over-analyze. This opens space for creativity and emotional connection. And there's no rush! Doing things more slowly.

In Virgo, the South Node's focus will be to clear up the path so we can actually make progress and navigate effectively. It could also mean exploring different approaches to diet and exercise. Instead, it encourages us to find ways of adjusting our lifestyle that feel natural and sustainable for our unique needs. We're likely to see shifts in how we run our lives and operate on a day-to-day basis.

The South Node in Virgo is an invitation to release the excessive need for control, perfectionism, and rigid planning, while still appreciating the value of order, organization, and effort. This combination of energies reflects a general inclination towards overthinking, overanalyzing, and overworrying. Ultimately, this transit teaches us to let go of impossible ideals and expectations, accept our humanness, and acknowledge the beauty in imperfection.

If u have nodes reversed

The nodes in reverse transit challenge you to revisit the lessons of your North Node (Virgo) while simultaneously confronting the patterns of your South Node (Pisces). Virgo north node in chart-Your soul's growth path is about practicality, organization, discernment, and service. You're here to refine your boundaries and embrace the material world, focusing on creating tangible results.

South Node in Pisces: Your comfort zone involves spirituality, imagination, escapism, and an emotional connection to the collective. In past lives (or earlier in this life), you may have avoided practical concerns or become too absorbed in dreams and emotions.

You might feel drawn to spiritual practices, artistic expression, or moments of surrender. This is an opportunity to reconnect with your intuitive side and integrate it into your life without losing your grounded focus. Your Virgo North Node lessons may temporarily take a backseat as you're asked to reflect on whether your pursuit of order and practicality is serving your highest good—or if it's become rigid or overbearing. Themes of sacrifice, forgiveness, and emotional boundaries may come up. Be cautious of falling back into self-sacrificing patterns (South Node in Pisces) but remain open to deep emotional connection. This is an ideal time to deepen meditation, explore creative outlets (like poetry, music, or painting), or connect with mystical experiences.

For Rising Signs

Aries Rising: The North Node in Pisces will activate your 12th house, urging you to embrace spiritual growth, solitude, and deep introspection. It's a time to let go of control and trust the unseen forces of the universe. The South Node in Virgo in your 6th house will challenge you to release perfectionism in your daily routines and work habits while balancing your need for practical organization with intuitive flow.

Taurus Rising: The North Node in Pisces highlights your 11th house, focusing on spiritual connections, dreams, and your role in the collective. You may feel drawn to compassionate friendships and humanitarian efforts. The South Node in Virgo in your 5th house asks you to release overcritical tendencies in your creative expression or love life and to embrace joy without judgment.

Gemini Rising: The North Node in Pisces will activate your 10th house, asking you to align your career with your higher purpose and to trust your intuition in professional matters. The South Node in Virgo in your 4th house invites you to let go of the need for control in family dynamics or home life and to create a balance between work and emotional grounding.

Cancer Rising: With the North Node in Pisces in your 9th house, you're encouraged to explore spiritual teachings, higher learning, and the bigger picture of life. Let your intuition guide you toward personal growth. The South Node in Virgo in your 3rd house asks you to release overthinking and excessive focus on small details in communication and daily interactions.

Leo Rising: The North Node in Pisces in your 8th house brings transformation, deep emotional healing, and a focus on spiritual intimacy. You're encouraged to surrender to the mysteries of life and trust in rebirth. The South Node in Virgo in your 2nd house challenges you to let go of material security or overly analytical approaches to finances, focusing instead on emotional and spiritual wealth.

Virgo Rising: The North Node in Pisces in your 7th house shifts your focus toward spiritual partnerships and relationships based on compassion and unconditional love. It's a time to open your heart and trust in deeper connections. The South Node in Virgo in your ist house asks you to release self-critical tendencies and embrace a more intuitive approach to your identity.

Libra Rising: The North Node in Pisces in your 6th house brings attention to holistic healing, spiritual practices, and service to others. You're invited to align your daily routines with emotional and spiritual well-being. The South Node in Virgo in your 12th house urges you to release guilt, overthinking, and tendencies to self-sacrifice behind the scenes.

Scorpio Rising: The North Node in Pisces in your 5th house encourages you to explore creativity, romance, and joy with a spiritual or imaginative touch. It's time to embrace vulnerability in self-expression. The South Node in Virgo in your 11th house challenges you to release overly critical judgments of your social circle and to embrace a more compassionate view of friendships and group dynamics.

Sagittarius Rising: The North Node in Pisces in your 4th house highlights emotional healing, spiritual connection to your roots, and finding peace in your private life. It's a time to create a sanctuary for your soul. The South Node in Virgo in your 10th house asks you to let go of perfectionism in your career or public image and to prioritize inner fulfillment over external validation.

Capricorn Rising: The North Node in Pisces in your 3rd house inspires intuitive communication, spiritual learning, and imaginative thinking. Trust your instincts in how you share ideas. The South Node in Virgo in your 9th house challenges you to release rigid belief systems or overanalyzing philosophical concepts, encouraging a more fluid approach to personal growth

Aquarius Rising: The North Node in Pisces in your 2nd house invites you to align your values with compassion, spirituality, and emotional richness. It's a time to trust your intuition in financial matters. The South Node in Virgo in your 8th house encourages you to let go of obsessive control over shared resources or deep emotional entanglements and to embrace trust and flow.

Pisces Rising: The North Node in Pisces in your 1st house calls you to embrace your spiritual identity, intuitive gifts, and compassionate leadership. It's a time of self-discovery and authenticity. The South Node in Virgo in your 7th house asks you to release overcritical tendencies in relationships and to allow partnerships to flow with grace and understanding.

-Rebekah🦋☁️🧜🏼‍♀️

#astrology #energy #zodiac signs #planets #my notes #astrological houses #northnode #rising signs #pisces #virgo

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apas-95 · 11 months ago

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i largely agree with your politics but tbqh the way you present your ideas is not really radical, frankly it's worryingly eschatological/messianic. which sucks cuz otherwise you seen like a pretty rational individual

I don't think 'making claims about the future' is inherently messianic or eschatological, though I understand this is often a sticking point regarding Marxism - if we understand dialectical and historical materialism to be genuine scientific knowledge on human society, which we should, then the ability to predict future events with confidence is simply part and parcel of its existence as scientific knowledge.

The claim 'the tendency of the rate of profit to fall drives capital inevitably, through various ways, into cyclical crises of various scales, with the largest-scale examples consisting of global economic crises and world wars, the approach to which can be recognised and quantified prior' should be seen as no more messianic than 'the release of greenhouse gasses into the atmosphere causes runaway heating which, while increasing the general planetary average temperature, alao leads to localised extreme weather events and rising sea levels, which can be recognised and quantified prior'.

Fundamentally, while a lot of people are willing to accept Marxism as providing *empirical* understanding of human society; that is, as a means to understand and decompose present and historical social issues; it is a lot harder for people to accept Marxism as providing genuinely scientific understanding of human society capable of predictive power. The reasons behind this are, generally, due to the nature of enlightenment philosophy and the bourgeois conception of science, wherein bourgeois social 'sciences' are incomplete, piecemeal, and reflexive (since, as Marxism demonstrates, a geneuine scientific analysis of human society, beginning from the political-economic basis of society, is harmful to bourgeois society).

When I say 'revolution in the imperial core is not going to occur today, but is an essential inevitability in the near future' I am saying, essentially, nothing more than the well-proven principle that 'revolution will occur where the chain of imperialism is weakest'. The condition for revolution in the imperial core is widespread revolution in the periphery states, the condition for widespread revolution in the periphery states is worldwide economic crisis and war, and the condition for worldwide economic crisis and war is the decline of imperial profits and the collapse of imperialist alliances. There is a fairly clear chain of events here, each of which has not only turned out in the past (the first world war being predictable before it ever occured) but is currently turning out in the present (look back even on my own blog towards discussions of inter-imperialist war and note that Marxists had predicted a ground war in Europe by 2025 well prior to the actual commencement of the Russia-NATO proxy war in Ukraine, as well as the inevitability of an economic crash circa 2020).

As proletarians, there is, also, largely nothing that can be done to influence these events without the existence of large proletarian political organs capable of leading the proletariat in conscious political action - the existence of which is contingent on historical circumstances. The imperial core does not have serious proletarian organs with a mass basis, and will not have those organs until conditions exist to facilitate them - said conditions being the collapse of imperialist profits and the worsening of domestic repression in core states. This does not mean that the eventual emergence and victory of those organs will not require constant, arduous work from communists to build up and maintain, to whatevee degree is possible, a communist movement until fhat time arrives - but it means that, for instance: Marx in the 1800s was never going to lead a socialist state, leaving that work to a future Lenin.

Almost assuredly, no existing party in the USA will carry out revolution - but the leaders of the revolutionary movement that will emerge under the pressures of war against Russia, China, the EU imperialist bloc; and of climate crisis and economic collapse; will likely be the ones gaining experience in political work at this time. Marxism speaks of classes, not individuals - it is not, really, messianic to say 'the bourgeoisie will go to war when faced with economic crisis, and the proletariat will resist when faced with war', nor is it, I reason, very eschatological to say 'the world is going to get much, much worse in the near future, however, there is a possible way to escape the horrors of war that does not end in nuclear annihilation'.

However, if it's what you'd prefer, I could call myself God-queen of violent benevolence, and emanate a vision of revolutionary salvation - whichever works.

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michanvalentine · 3 months ago

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I was mentioned in a pro-Ascendant Astarion post with this quote: "Astarion does not have a well-developed sense of self, and by default, he also lacks many of the skills that a well-adjusted adult should possess." This is the post it’s taken from: click me!

No problem at all—it's public, and I don’t see why anyone shouldn’t reference it. Naturally, the post was in opposition to that statement—generally speaking, I mean—but that’s fine too. Everyone has their own opinion and is free to express it. That’s not the point of my upcoming ramble! xD

It’s just that rereading my own words got me thinking more deeply about the topic and made me want to explore it further.

Now, I’m not a psychologist, but I did study psychology. I took several exams at university and I actually did pretty well, lol. I didn’t complete my studies because life took me elsewhere—most importantly, my daughter was born—but the general knowledge I gained from psychology still follows me in everything I do every day.

So it’s second nature for me to analyze characters from the media I consume through that lens—Astarion included. Of course, this is just my perspective; I can’t say for certain whether the developers intended this for his character or whether they did specific research into his psychological development.

That said, today I feel like going off on a little tangent about this beautiful science. Still in reference to that heart-stealing vampire spawn that I’m aaaaabsolutely not obsessed with.

Let me also add a disclaimer. The concepts mentioned are just examples and cannot be applied literally, as every person is different and reacts differently to situations and stimuli. Likewise, the brain is plastic—neural connections change and adapt, and there is almost never a fixed or definitive condition. Above all, I’m not making any kind of diagnosis! That’s not within my competence! Keep these ideas well in mind!

So, why do I say that Astarion doesn’t have a well-developed sense of self? Let’s take it step by step and talk a little about the concept of the "self". I'm copy-pasting something from another post, lol. Rewriting it from scratch is too much work! xP

The self is quite a complex concept with many facets. Briefly put, it’s shaped by various internal and external factors and reflects a conscious image of "me." In psychology, it’s key to building the Ego of an individual—the capacity to act, understand, organize, and interpret experiences. The Ego provides a sense of uniqueness, coherence, and personal continuity since the self encompasses many "faces." All this forms the personality of an individual, which naturally develops (and changes) throughout life.

Particular attention in the formation of the self is given to sensitive periods, such as early childhood. The self determines the level of self-esteem based on an individual’s assessment of their worth and competence in the characteristics they attribute to themselves (Real Self), their future aspirations (Ideal Self), and what they want to avoid (Feared Selves). The greater the discrepancy between these aspects, the lower the level of self-esteem. Social support and approval, as well as competence in domains deemed important to the self, obviously contribute to perceiving oneself as a person of value.

Astarion, as we know, has had his sense of self fundamentally undermined. For him, the world is divided between those who have power and those who don’t, with the former always being the "winners" in his eyes. The magistrate he once was is long dead, along with his moral compass and the life he used to live—especially after 200 years of servitude to Cazador.

As vampire spawn, akin to a newborn in some respects, Astarion learned to exist solely within Cazador’s world, revolving around Cazador, for Cazador.

There are lines of dialogue within the game that highlight this in a painful and terrifying way. For example, when Tav/Durge directly confronts Cazador, or when Cazador ends up on his knees in front of Astarion after one of his brothers or sisters dies during the ritual. Cazador says: “He [Astarion] is afraid. He’s afraid because all he has ever knows is you and me. And without us, he is nothing.” Or: “And then? What will you be without me? A shade? A specrte in the shadows, devoid of all purpose.”

It’s a terrible thing, but it’s true. Cazador represents everything—Astarion’s entire world—and when he dies, he leaves behind a void that’s even more frightening. And let’s not forget that, in the real world, it takes very little to completely erase a person—and two hundred years in the hands of an abuser is an overwhelming amount of time, a detail that too often gets underestimated or completely forgotten.

The whole matter becomes even more disturbing and painful when Cazador suggests that without Tav/Durge, Astarion would have come crawling back to him with his tail between his legs. To his fucking tormentor. And sadly, it's a painful concept because it really happens in real life—when you have nothing and no one, when you have no means of your own and are completely dependent on another person, no matter how terrifying they are. Cazador is certain that Astarion will return to him, even if it means dying. And it's a concept with a devastating impact.

So Cazador was the domineering father figure, and vampire society functions under strict rules handed down by vampire lords. In this hostile context, without any room for self-expression or choice, Astarion developed a fragmented and damaged self-image. Constantly belittled by Cazador as an individual (small, weak, useless, incapable, all words he uses in the game), always pitted against his brothers and sisters, and degraded from a magistrate to a prostitute (this is important because it’s the only skill—or "talent," as he calls it himself—that Astarion believes gives him any value or power, forming the basis for his self-image). It’s easy to imagine just how high his self-esteem must be, right? Most importantly, he never developed the skills to navigate life as a free individual—at least not in a healthy way.

Good Lord, he thinks that in order to receive support, he has to sell himself to Tav/Durge and offer his sexual services—otherwise, he has no hope of survival! And that’s why I say he doesn’t possess all the skills of a well-adjusted adult. Other glaring examples of this—so glaring they hit you like a punch in the eye—are his inability to say no and to recognize his own limits. And shall we talk about the infamous question: What do you want? The first time, he deflects, and essentially gives the answer the player wants to hear. The second time, he states it plainly: he doesn't know. He doesn't know how to make decisions, he hasn’t done it in 200 years, and the very idea terrifies him to his core. These are all skills that a well-balanced person possesses—let’s not kid ourselves.

Like any mature and well-balanced adult, one knows how to recognize their feelings, define them, communicate them, and most importantly, not fear them. Astarion, on the other hand, is unable—after 200 years of pure shit—to understand what he feels for Tav/Durge, and he won’t be able to until the end of the Pale Elf’s quest. “I don’t know—but isn’t it nice, not to know? You’re not a target, nor a victim, not just one night it's better to forget. But then... whatever in the world could you be?”

So, even if reluctantly (and despite his fear), he ends up leaning on Tav/Durge. He needs a guiding figure to help him figure out what to do because making decisions and acting independently don’t come naturally to him. Especially outside of his talents, sex and survival. He needs to be rehabilitated, re-educated, and to achieve this, he requires a safe and healthy environment where he can experiment and grow, perhaps developing other faces of the self on which to base a new evaluation. Like, I'm not just a slave or a whore: but I'm also a companion, a friend, a lover, a hero and I'm able to listen, to help, to learn, to collaborate, etc.

And let’s not forget that when the fateful confrontation with Cazador is brought up, Astarion explicitly asks Tav/Durge for help. “I need to take the fight to him. And I need you to help me,” he says. How to help him—whether to ascend or not—is up to the player and how they choose to play. But the fact remains: Astarion needs support.

Meanwhile let’s take a look at some of the consequences of low self-esteem:

Difficulty opening up in social settings and communicating one's emotions and needs

Extreme self-criticism

Devaluing or ignoring one’s own qualities

Tendency to constantly apologize and feel guilty for things that are not actually one's responsibility

Tendency to appease others due to perceiving oneself as inferior to one’s peers

Use of negative words to describe oneself

Difficulty making decisions and maintaining personal goals over time

Negative and self-blaming internal dialogue

Belief that success is due to luck, with difficulty attributing accomplishments to oneself

Not believing compliments that are given to them

And now, let’s look at the most common causes for the development of low self-esteem:

Being raised by extremely critical and demanding parents

Being heavily devalued by parents or other authority figures

Being ignored or ridiculed during childhood

Being a victim of physical, sexual, or psychological abuse

Achieving poor academic results

Experiencing episodes of bullying or mistreatment in the workplace

Suffering a financial collapse or a significant breakup

Being subjected to a prolonged period of stress

Suffering from a chronic and persistent medical condition

Suffering from psychological disorders (e.g., anxiety or depression)

Does this remind you of something? Or maybe someone in particular? Does that person, by any chance, have red eyes and pointed teeth?

Naturally, these are just examples, and everything varies depending on the individual, but I believe these points still manage to convey the concept.

They especially give the idea of how much events—and especially the context in which we live—impact our psyche. For example, thanks to neuroscience and increasingly detailed brain imaging, we know that brain areas change according to the factors mentioned above; they train like muscles, so to speak, becoming larger and more reactive every time they are activated.

So, if someone is subjected to chronic stress, the brain areas responsible for managing it will become easily activated, bringing with them a whole series of consequences that affect performance, behavior, perception, thinking, and so on.

Likewise, the more the “right” areas of the brain are activated, the more the brain itself will develop in a healthy and balanced way, forming neural connections that support the tools (perception, thinking, etc) mentioned above.

Meanwhile, other areas—such as those related to stress responses—will remain small and more difficult to activate. (Obviously, brain areas don’t literally “grow” or “shrink” in size, but the connections between neurons (synapses) are strengthened or weakened depending on how much they’re used. This is a principle known as “neural plasticity”: what you use becomes reinforced, what you neglect becomes weaker.)

A curiosity: even our mood influences how we perceive people and the world around us—and consequently, our thoughts and impressions too! xD

This image is heartbreaking, because these brains belong to two three-year-old children—and the differences are significant.

The brain on the right is missing key areas that are present in the one on the left. These missing parts impact the abilities of the child with the smaller brain:

this child will likely be less intelligent as an adult compared to the one with the larger brain,

will be less capable of empathizing with others,

and will be at higher risk of becoming addicted to drugs and involved in violent crimes.

Additionally, the child with the smaller brain is more likely to remain unemployed and dependent on social services, and may develop mental health issues or other serious health problems.

The large difference in size and development between these two brains is not due to illness or injury, but rather to how the two children were treated by their mothers.

The child with the larger, more developed brain was loved by their mother, who was consistently present and attentive to their needs. The child with the smaller brain, on the other hand, was neglected and abused. It is precisely this difference in treatment that explains why one child's brain developed fully while the other’s did not.

Of course, our favorite vampire spawn isn’t a developing child—but the point is that certain environments and experiences have a profound impact and shape many aspects of our lives, making us more or less equipped to face challenges.

At this point, I’d like to focus a bit on the reasoning process in general. It’s easy to believe that when humans think, make decisions, and reflect on a problem or task, they do so in the most rational way possible. And that’s where we go wrong! First of all, the cerebral cortex — the part of the brain responsible for complex cognitive functions such as thinking, awareness, memory, attention, and language — is located in the upper region of the brain. Most stimuli, in order to reach the cortex, must pass through all the lower areas of the brain, which often trigger behavioral responses even before the stimulus reaches rational thought. For example, the activation of the sympathetic nervous system, which is responsible for danger responses. A silly example: how many times have we jumped out of our skin before realizing that the loud, scary noise was just a window slamming shut? First comes the fear response, then the evaluation of the stimulus follows.

As if that weren’t enough, the brain plays other little tricks on us — without us even being aware of it — because that sneaky thing does a whole lot on its own, especially when it comes to thinking and making decisions.

So... Astarion has a very limited perspective—mostly the one offered by Cazador. As we said earlier, the world is divided into those who have power and those who suffer it. Period. But we all know that in between there are infinite shades of gray, and that can’t be denied. In the same way, Astarion believes that Tav/Durge is the exception to the rule—the only kind person in the world, the one and only for him. But as much as it flatters our ego to hear that, we know very well that no one is that special. It’s always Astarion’s perspective that’s extremely limited. And in fact, here too, Tav/Durge has the opportunity to broaden his view, to point out that the world is full of kind people who would care for him if only he opened himself up and showed kindness in return. This narrow way of thinking and seeing things, this resistance to noticing alternatives, fits perfectly into the category of cognitive biases.

Let’s start with the premise that the human brain needs to be both effective and efficient. That means reaching a result in the shortest time and using the fewest resources. Therefore: when we think and make decisions, we don’t always do so rationally. We use heuristics—mental shortcuts—often following patterns we've used before. A silly example: if I have to cook a dish I’ve made a hundred times, I don’t sit down to rethink how and why I should cook it—I just switch off my brain and do it the way I’ve always done. Many heuristics are good and useful—others, not so much. And when they fall into the latter category, they become biases.

There are many types, but let’s look at one that we all, even us Astarion fans, share. xD Confirmation Bias!

Confirmation bias manifests when we tend to search for, interpret, or remember information that supports our pre-existing beliefs, ignoring anything that contradicts them or isn’t completely aligned.

Once a certain mental imprint forms, new experiences only deepen that groove, without any willingness to explore other interpretative modes—in fact, they tend to further crystallize internal beliefs.

We can say that the person is cherry-picking—in a complex set of data and information, they pick out only what resonates with a belief they already hold, which, in some way, is convenient for them.

The reason is easy to see: if I don’t challenge a belief—even if it’s irrational—I’ll save time, create less friction, and reduce internal and external resistance to a given situation.

Because confirmation bias shows up when a person selects only the evidence that supports their point of view, it easily becomes a self-sustaining system, keeping them locked in an interpretive and experiential microcosm that risks becoming increasingly stifling—a self-built prison.

Astarion is stuck on tracks he’s known inside and out for centuries, forcibly carved into his mind—and for him, it’s all too easy to filter everything through that lens. And this cuts him off from a myriad of possibilities, in a completely unconscious way. It’s like throwing a wrench in your own gears. So Tav/Durge represents an opening to a different value system, one that could replace or at least expand our vampire spawn’s worldview. Not without resistance, of course—those brain connections will get you!

So, to conclude, let’s go back to the beginning and to the statement in question.

"Astarion does not have a well-developed sense of self, and by default, he also lacks many of the skills that a well-adjusted adult should possess."

Yes, maybe out of context it might sound bad. I certainly don’t see Astarion as half a man, incapable of thinking or choosing for himself. But I do recognize that he has serious vulnerabilities that need to be treated with care and taken into account. Not when we're playing—when we play, we do what we like and have fun—but when we analyze him as a character. When Astarion, at the end of the Pale Elf quest, in the good ending, thanks us for saving him from himself, what he means, in my opinion, is exactly this: thank you for supporting me when my vulnerabilities, my fears, my blind spots, and my narrow perspective were getting the best of me. Because, let’s be honest, Astarion’s story is also about this—about rediscovery, about learning to live again, about changing, improving, growing, developing relationships, new abilities and skills. Not as a rogue or as a vampire, or within game mechanics—but as a person.

The point is: Astarion has come out of a horrific situation, one that has to have left marks, wounds, infected pus festering beneath the skin. A situation that never allowed him to understand what he liked, what he wanted, who he really was—simply because he couldn’t express himself, couldn’t think about his own needs, couldn’t say no. Couldn’t develop his sense of self in peace and safety.

A situation that left him unable to face the world and the people in it in a healthy way, unable to identify and express his own feelings, unable to say that damn "no" or to make choices. To decide, yes. And in fact, every time he’s asked what he wants to do, his answers are vague—or he says he doesn’t know, or admits that he’s afraid of those damn choices. He’s afraid of freedom, of consequences, and of everything else beyond the four things he knows—the four fucking things Cazador drilled into him, all around power and control.

And I’m really supposed to believe that the one choice he’s absolutely sure about is Ascension? Hell no. Just like he's not sure he doesn't want to ascend!

References

Rogers, C. R. (1961). On Becoming a Person: A Therapist's View of Psychotherapy. Houghton Mifflin. → A foundational text on the concept of the self, self-actualization, and congruence between real and ideal self.

Winnicott, D. W. (1964). The Child, the Family, and the Outside World. Penguin Books. → Explores the importance of a safe environment in the healthy development of the self.

Bowlby, J. (1969–1980). Attachment and Loss (Vols. 1–3). Basic Books. → Describes how early attachment figures shape our internal working models and sense of security.

Erikson, E. H. (1950). Childhood and Society. W. W. Norton & Company. → Introduces the theory of psychosocial development across the lifespan.

Herman, J. L. (1992). Trauma and Recovery: The Aftermath of Violence—From Domestic Abuse to Political Terror. Basic Books. → Explains complex trauma, victim-perpetrator dynamics, and the long-term effects of abuse.

van der Kolk, B. A. (2014). The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma. Viking. → Offers neuroscientific insight into how trauma reshapes the brain and affects emotional regulation.

Siegel, D. J. (2010). The Mindful Brain: Reflection and Attunement in the Cultivation of Well-Being. W. W. Norton & Company. → Discusses neuroplasticity, integration, and the development of a coherent sense of self.

Kahneman, D. (2011). Thinking, Fast and Slow. Farrar, Straus and Giroux. → A deep dive into heuristics, decision-making, and cognitive biases like confirmation bias.

Malaguti, E., & Morganti, P. (2014). Psychotraumatology: An Integrated Model for Trauma Treatment. (Translated from the Italian). FrancoAngeli. → Addresses the psychological and neurological consequences of prolonged trauma.

#astarion #astarion ancunin #baldur's gate 3 #bg3 #baldurs gate 3 #baldurs gate #astarion bg3 #baldurs gate 3 astarion #baldur's gate astarion

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