bsd era is back woo woo!!! I wuz curious how gogol and fyodor are when they fall in love. Like, how do they act when they start to catch feelingss. Answer whenever you can! You’re so amazinggg!!!
Hello dearie, thank you for the request <3 and I'm so sorry for taking a whole month! Anyway, if I understood well, this was meant as something general, some x reader thing, not a Fyogol thing. If it is Fyogol, however, do correct me, I'd be willing to write that too! Now onto the work!
This is how the headcanons will go: first, the cuter parts, then, the more somber parts which will be marked. Good? Good.
Fyodor
Fyodor is in love? He is both amused and intrigued. I believe these are some of the few states that move this rat to act more human than godlike (or the contrary? heh). This is why he’ll definitely do something about his feelings, unless they interfere with pre-existing plans, of course. Can’t have pesky feelings in the way! He assures himself, those will pass, they always do. But goddamn, it is difficult to ignore them. So, during the stage of denial or repression, he might find himself a far greater artist than before. No longer a consumer, but the creator. This vehement inspiration in such a mind could hardly be contained in artistic outlets. He’d realize he’d need to tamper with his muse. And so it begins!
The master manipulator should understand how to win over any heart. Yes, and he’d win over your heart but only if his verity is intact. This is pure love, done for the sake of love. It must be Christianly true. Therefore, he would not manipulate, he’d be himself. Cruelly sharp at times. Other times, innocent and gentle. It’s intriguing, really, the contradictory mien of a great mind in a weary body. How strangely the brain controlled it… one could easily say he had inhuman eyes because of all the world he saw and revealed to you. But no. It was all the same world, now merely embellished by his mind. And if your intellect bounced off of it right, well… Fyodor will be getting butterflies.
Around the person he loves, he exudes a calming energy, even appearing frail at times. That’s the lowered guard you see, and that bears potential for messing around. His sense of humor, wit, charm, they flourish, especially if your reactions are approving. Spontaneity increases and you learn to distinguish gentle genuine smiles from sadistic and scheming. But not only this. With the stripping of his mask, the ugly is revealed too. Fyodor can be moody, but luckily for you, when he is, it’s very obvious. If you know to avoid pestering him during those periods, things should go well. He wouldn’t tolerate much anyway. The fact he even fell in love with you in the first place meant you were nigh perfect in his eyes, only imperfect in some endurable amounts.
This leads me to another factor: Fyodor would likely want a self-sufficient, practical partner. Or at least come to this realization at some point. Yes, he is gentlemanly and he would love to help you, but he will not be putting up with useless, incompetent, and so, in his eyes, unreasonable people. He’s dealt with enough of those. He’d come to you to rest from them, even. From them and everything else, truly. You are his safe place. You are his home and his sanctity and he wouldn’t let anyone tarnish it.
Enough of the nice stuff. Next are the darker implications, the somber section.
If protecting you means going insane lengths, he would. He would actively do things without your knowing or consent. On a daily basis, he might record you through secret cameras or stalk you. Maybe you wake up in some random village in the outskirts of Siberia because he thought it would be safest to move you there. Are you at peace with this? He doesn’t care. He knows better and you should understand that (his words, not mine lol).
Indeed, for minds of his caliber, it is easy to lose track of reality and build another one in his thoughts. While he would never admit to it, and it certainly isn’t the craziest version of it, Fyodor might become delusional. Thoughts upon thoughts are like Mathematics – one can express anything in any order, in any tautology, even prove the impossible. Without an external factor to verify or comprehend it (without his thoughts interacting with reality), these easily complex equations and expressions would easily lose sense. Rationalizations galore. Once this point was reached, good luck escaping Fyodor. The only person who can change his mind is his own mind. Not even the heart. Only mind.
If you think Fyodor’s delusion is scary, check out that of this clown’s.
Nikolai
An adorable bundle of joy. Simply perfect – understanding, enjoyable, over the top happy, childlike but in the best manner possible. I imagine it’s easy to assume this, but let me expand that notion. The cheerful, supportive boyfriend who will follow you around like a dog, a golden retriever, to be specific; the sort to always have something to say, to always be able to ramble about whatever you bring up. He is truly inexhaustible! But not to insane extents, of course. He will also have his catlike moments, curling up next to you or on you at random times. Random, he really is random; expect tiny gifts and surprises throughout your relationship. His creativity is unparalleled when it comes to those.
That’s how he’ll most likely conquer your heart. With sweetness, tiny gifts, utmost loyalty. That sheepish, most adorable behavior of his. It can melt even the coldest of hearts. Oh, he is so much better at this than Fyodor.
Speaking of, there is a sort of a domestic energy to Nikolai that might be more apparent than with Fyodor, but it isn’t as easy to maintain. Nikolai might be one wonderful partner, but he is just a human, too. Cracks appear.
You will catch glimpses of melancholy in his demeanor, but if you ever point it out, he’d disagree. He hides any bad feelings. Yes, Fyodor might not outright state his troubles but he will at least be visibly moody and at least give some verbal indication when spoken to. Nikolai would never, ever do that. He would change the topic, he would pat your head, he would tap your nose… and he will gaslight you that everything is fine if you keep pushing it. That’s a bit disheartening. Yes.
But, I believe you can deal with this by not being too pushy and simply reminding him you are there for him. I don’t think the poor baby has had anything stable in his life before you. In fact, with how he is towards Fyodor, he certainly has sabotaging tendencies, and I believe they come from 1. a chaotic growing up with no stability 2. a lack of sense of control 3. emotional negligence 4. aaand the idea that he’ll compensate for it all, gain control over both actions and emotions, by recreating and monitoring the environment he is so used to. For the love of God, don’t you become Nikolai’s therapist. It’s impossible and could ruin the relationship (or even yourself; you don’t know what you could be triggering). Just keep the good vibes going, eh?
As for the dark version…
Let us begin with Nikolai’s desire to murder Fyodor and so liberate himself (in loose terms). It is highly likely that Nikolai develops a similar ideation with the object of his affection. You could be reduced to a prop in his imagination. A symbol generating a symbol when destroyed. In reality, you’d be another one of his failed attempts at overcoming himself. Even if he fully believes your death/mutilation/torture has fixed him, in actuality, it did not. The warmth he feels is that of your blood and your breaths and your tears, and the warmth is the orgasmic moment of bloodlust, and all of this… it’s just a traumatized butcher’s delusion. Then, the drop in adrenaline and the rise of coolness, the red pool growing in silence, as do his lungs, suddenly fuller than before, him fuller than before… now, all of this, it is just an addict’s calm after the storm. Everything too fresh. Whereas previous vigor was that of heat, now was that of cold, and as soon as it abandons him, well... in that boredom… maybe he will discover yet another pair of wings on his back to unchain. The self-serving self-ruining angel.
Do you know of this urge to squash anything cute? Nikolai would actually do that, but in the literal sense. Also, I see a huge yandere potential. The sort to lock you up and treat you like an object or a game, with just enough interactivity to make you think he can be reasoned with. Make no mistake – it’s impossible. He does this for his own sake, with immense cunning and resources. In fact, he will toy with you if you try outsmarting him, give you hope and then crush it.
After all, keep in mind that he knows Dostoyevsky well, and he still went against him. That is the kind of man you’d be dealing with. I wish you my deepest condolences.
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