♟DAN STOMPS ARIN AT CHESS FOR 40 MINUTES ♟
“I’m a horrible person.”
“Your pawns are just the sassiest.”
“Yeah, go ahead and take that pawn. I didn’t even want him anyway!”
“GOOD! I LOVE LOSING!”
“Chess is the ultimate fucking game of ‘GOTCHA! Oh fuck’!”
“I do want to tell you... I’m very bad at chess.”
“I’m gonna tell you something about me... I’m very dumb.”
“What the fuck is en passant?”
“En Passant bitch!”
“That’s what I thought you would do.”
“One could consider that the correct move.”
“Here are the rules of chess: don’t lose.”
“Are we fighting? Are we fighting? We’re fighting!”
“It’s called a knight.”
“It’s a horse, dude!”
“What do you mean a knight? You can’t knight a horse.”
“Would you just shut up for a second!”
“I’m in the process of psyching myself out!”
“I know what I’m gonna do... I don’t know what I’m gonna do.”
“No, not my queen!”
“Just fucking dry up, alright?”
“What are you doing?”
“I was trying!”
“_____, I’m gonna lose one way or another.”
“_____, you have yet to beat me, but I know it’s coming, because every time you get a little bit closer and I feel my grip on self - worth slipping.”
“This is checkers times a thousand!”
“It’s a knight, _____. If you want to be taken seriously as a chess player, that’s probably the first thing you’re gonna have to do.”
*groans of rage* “I’m having fun, _____.”
*more groans of rage* “Everything’s fine.”
“Tick tick, bitch. People are watching this.”
“This is what happens when we play chess! You make me forget things that are supposed to not be forgot!”
“I KNOW HE’S COVERED BY THE BISHOP, BUT I WANNA MOVE HIM.”
*even more groans of rage* “I HATE CHESS. WHY DO WE PLAY IT?”
“I’m resigning.”
“We’re four moves into it, and you’re already freaking out.”
“Take a horse and you lose a horse.”
“You’re one of the funniest people I’ve ever played chess with. Just the frantic mumbling to yourself.”
“Of course it makes sense, but you’re talking about silly shit.”
“This game sucks. It’s the worst. I don’t like it. I don’t want it anymore.”
“I ain’t no fool. Mama didn’t raise a fool.”
“Apparently mama raised a fool!”
“It’s time for our once - a - year attempt for _____ to beat me at chess.”
“We just met tonight and you’re already moving your knight to F5?”
“Don’t do it. You fucking did it.”
“You silly bitch.”
“You’re not going to love this next move, _____.”
“You have so many pawns. It’s like, get rid of them.”
“I’m gonna do something real stupid, and we’ll see how it plays out in the end.”
“SHIT.”
“I’m a fucking child, dude! I don’t know what I’m doing!”
“Fucking stupid game. Nobody plays this. This game will never last.”
“Mommy want some milk.”
“_____, honey, what are you DOING, man?”
“Will you die by the sword, or will you live by the die?”
“I live every day in fear that I’ll have to play you at a game of chess.”
“I’m gonna count how many turns it takes for you to start losing your mind and freaking out and yelling.”
“Alright, move six. Move six is where it starts to get aggressive.”
“You are the biggest self - tilter I’ve ever known in my life.”
“I can tell you’ve been practicing. You are making better moves for sure.”
“Chess is a game of skiiillll.”
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