#incorrect dnd classes

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Druid: funny they call it the early bird special. when all birds are special even if they are late

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Barbarian: I live for two reasons.

Cleric: And what would those be?

Barbarian: I was born and no one has been able to kill me yet.

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Bard: i think i’m going to become an unreliable narrator. if you see me obscuring the full truth or saying things that directly contradict each other, don’t worry about it.

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Warlock: my vibes arent off i am cursed theres a difference

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Warlock: I'm going to Badwill. The evil thrift store.

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Monk: Have either of you heard of the trolley problem? Rogue: No. Monk: So you're driving a runaway trolley. Fighter: Why am I driving a trolley? Rogue: The better question is, how much am I getting paid for it? Monk: That doesn’t matter. Let’s move on. There are two tracks you can go on. One has one worker on it and the other has four workers on it. The trolley will run over and kill whoever is on the track it's running on. Which track do you go on? Rogue: Who has the better lawyers? Fighter: The better question is, how good are our lawyers? Rogue: Can we even pay for lawyers? We still don’t know how much we’re getting paid! Monk: You know what, forget it.

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Warlock: whatever souls are made of, yours and mine are the same (insult)

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Fighter: if you date a left handed person as a rightie it means you can hold hands together while holding swords in your dominant hands and fighting off your mutual enemies <3

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Fighter: Why do wizards and mages and shit always have to use a fucking stick or staff to do magic. what's so special about a gotdamn tree bone Wizard: There's a huge occult explanation for that but long story short: if you miscast do you want a stick to explode or your hand? Warlock: Also good for hitting people Bard: Twirly. Dramatic flair Druid: Tastes good

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Warlock: My body is a temple. I mean, it's a temple from Legend of Zelda so it is bizarre, dangerous, falling apart and controlled by a horrible monster. But that's still a temple.

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Bard: the fact that I don't have heart shaped pupils is a fucking tragedy

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Wizard: We live in a society. Druid: No, you live in a society. I live in the woods.

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Druid: you know how when you go out in the middle of the woods, your phone loses internet service? that is because the trees naturally protect you from the evil dark energy rays generated by influencers and twitter opinions. follow for more information about the beauty of nature

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Sorcerer: I've been told by many people that I 'light up the room'. Paladin: That was arson, and those were witnesses.

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Ranger: I like butterflies.

Rogue: They aren’t like, badass though

Ranger: Butterflies scavenge corpses. Which is what they will be able to do once I am through with you.

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Rogue: Stop forgiving my crimes! I worked so hard on those!