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mst3kproject · 3 years

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Invasion of the Star Creatures

I promised you guys something truly awful this week, didn’t I? Well, how about a space invasion ‘comedy’ (big emphasis on the air quotes there) produced by Samuel Zarkoff to be a double-bill with The Brain that Wouldn’t Die? The closest thing it has to a star is Frankie Ray, whom MSTies might know as the writer of Laserblast. He also wrote Zoltan, Hound of Dracula, which I really, really need to see one of these days. Film Historian Bill Warren described Invasion of the Star Creatures as ‘so helplessly bad it’s almost unwatchable’. Let’s find out if he was right.

Fort Nicholson is the world’s center for atomic research, despite apparently being staffed entirely by idiots. The two biggest idiots are, unfortunately, our main characters. Their names are Philbrick and Penn. No, I don’t know which is which. No, I don’t care. I’m gonna call them Rick and Rick With The Squeaky Voice. The first ‘comedic’ sequence involves Rick With The Squeaky Voice sitting in a barrel pretending he’s going to space, and getting his ass set on fire.

That sets the tone for the whole movie quite nicely. It’s stupid and it’s not funny, and it never gets any better. In fact, as we shall see, it gets significantly worse.

For some reason, Rick and Rick With The Squeaky Voice are assigned to a mission to explore a cave recently exposed by a nuclear test. This turns out to be the base for two seven-foot space women, Tanga and Pona, and their tuberous minions, the Vege-Men, and the entire party is soon in their clutches. The aliens say that they have come to save humanity from destroying ourselves through nuclear war, but naturally the army isn’t into that. Rick With The Squeaky Voice discovers that kissing the women puts them into a daze, allowing the two idiots to escape, but of course nobody back at Fort Nicholson believes their story. Is it really up to these two to stop Tanga and Pona from heading back to their home planet with their report? We’re doomed.

I don’t remember which review it was, but I once invited you to imagine a movie in which every character is Dropo or Watney Smith. This is that movie. This is proud of being that movie. The aliens try to read the two Ricks’ minds and one is completely empty while the other is full of superhero fantasies. Pona calls what she sees ‘completely illogical and infantile’, which is a fair description of the whole movie.

There’s a sequence where one of the army men shoots a rattlesnake that was about to bite one of the Ricks, and then cries because ‘he might have had a family’. They try to lampoon the thing in old movies where the characters walk through the same set from different angles by doing it without cutting away or changing the camera angle, but it just looks dumb. The Colonel gives a long-winded speech about the merits of getting straight to the point. A forced march stops for a lovely picnic and wine tasting. A guy gets his ass kicked by a Vege-Man and declares, “that’s the first time a salad ever tossed me.” There’s a running ‘gag’ about fans of ‘Space Commander Connors’ recognizing each other’s secret decoder rings and immediately going into a full-on geek-out.

None of this is funny, much of it is downright embarrassing, and the worst part is that the writers have no idea how to include their attempts at comedy in the story. Rather than the hijinks advancing the plot, every time something that’s supposed to be funny happens, the whole thing comes to a dead halt. This gives the impression that the movie is stumbling around in the dark with no idea where it’s going. It finally seems to settle on a plot when we find out that the spaceship is about to leave and must be stopped. After some bullshit the Ricks convince the Colonel (and only the Colonel) to help them take on the aliens. At this point I was thinking that this movie was pretty terrible but it hadn’t actually pushed me to the point of being tempted to turn it off…

And then it got racist.

The last ten minutes or so of Invasion of the Star Creatures are a downward spiral in which it seems like they gave up trying to be funny in favour of being actively offensive. First, they encounter what’s supposed to be a group of Native Americans on horseback. Rick With The Squeaky Voice tries to get their attention by saying “hey, Kemosabe, I wanna buy some blankets!” The Natives don’t speak much English but they do a lot of grunting, and threaten to kill the Colonel because they think he’s General Custer (?!). Then they kidnap everybody and force them to smoke the peace pipe and drink firewater and the white guys only escape once the Natives have passed out.

Holy shit. Not only is this repulsive, it is, as previously noted, irrelevant. It has no effect on the plot other than to waste time. The Natives do not help them defeat the aliens and neither does the Colonel, who is also in a drunken stupor. And then, just when we think this can’t possibly get any worse, the defeated alien women declare that they must throw themselves on the mercy of the Earth Men. This turns out to mean marrying them, and the dialogue specifically likens marriage to slavery, which Tanga and Pona seem to consider a point in its favour! The end of this movie left my head spinning. It’s like I watched a guy get ‘comedically’ knocked over by a punching bag for forty-five minutes and then he suddenly turned around and punched me in the face.

(Hey, I just realized… remember how I said the cave was exposed by a nuclear test? The dialogue emphasizes how this whole area is irradiated and dangerous – and then totally forgets about it. It’s never mentioned again and the characters take off their protective gear and never put it back on. So… that was useless, too.)

There is stuff in this movie that could have been funny. The secret decoder ring stuff almost got a smile out of me once or twice, because the characters seemed so earnest in their love for ‘Space Commander Connors’ and his lore. The ‘Vege-Men’ also had potential. We get to see a greenhouse room where they’re grown to be the women’s slaves, and the seedlings are hands or feet sticking out of flowerpots with a few leaves around them. This is fairly amusing and I could see it being the juvenile form of a sentient plant on Star Trek TOS. Adult Vege-Men are actors in stupid carrot costumes that they obviously can’t see out of very well, which should have been funny just because it’s so terrible, but Invasion of the Star Creatures is so bad you can’t even laugh at it ironically.

The idea of using a bumbling idiot as your main character, let alone two bumbling idiots, frankly baffles me. Rick and Rick With The Squeaky Voice are supposed to be the guys we, the audience, identify with. We’re supposed to like and root for them and to perhaps be able to imagine ourselves in their places, but the only thing I feel for them is contempt. Why would anyone want to see themselves in these guys? Perhaps it’s an attempt to say that anybody can be a hero, but the two Ricks don’t even qualify as that. When they save the world, it’s basically by accident. The ending, which rewards them with promotions, medals, and beautiful wives from outer space, actively makes me angry because they didn’t earn any of that!

Invasion of the Star Creatures works very hard at being pointless, and there’s very little in it that comes anywhere near a theme. If any such thing exists, its in Tanga and Pona’s insistence that they’re here to save humanity whether we like it or not, and how the humans react to that idea. The women say it would be a shame to see a young civilization destroy itself because nations were too stupid to work together. Rick and Rick With The Squeaky Voice reject this entirely, which is supposed to be a joke: these guys are in the army, so if humanity transcends the need for conflict they’d be out of a job. The rest of the plot then seems at pain to emphasize that humans cannot work together, and do not want to.

After all, the two Ricks’ attempts to summon help come to nothing. The Native Americans never understand that these men want assistance, and the Colonel thinks it’s all a Space Commander Connors game before sliding under the metaphorical table, having never done anything useful. The Ricks themselves spent most of their time arguing and complaining and in the end succeed only through good luck on their part and poor timing on that of the invaders. Usually a story that begins with ‘aliens want to save primitive humans from ourselves’ would end with ‘the aliens were wrong about us’. Invasion of the Star Creatures seems to want to say the aliens were right the whole time!

So there you have it – Invasion of the Star Creatures. It started off kinda bad and not funny, then swirled down the cinematic toilet into outright offensive, racist, sexist drivel. I’m trying to think of some small thing I can say about it that’s nice, but I’m having a very hard time. I guess I kinda liked the rumbly noises that represent the alien language – that was more fun than just having the actresses spout random gobbledygook. Other than that, I’m at a loss. The actors suck, the sets suck, the effects suck, the costumes suck, and everybody involved was a bigoted dickweed. Fuck this movie.

#mst3k #reviews #episodes that never were #invasion of the star creatures #fuck this movie #60s

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fieldsofplay · 3 years

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Favorite Albums of 2020

25. Dehd – Flower of Devotion

Rather than look back on the shit year that was 2020, lets keep our eye on the hope of the horizon. Speaking of which, Dehd herald much of what’s to come on this here list. While as previously mentioned a shit year for most everything besides presidential politics, 2020 proved to be a great year for good old fashioned guitar music. Could I be accused of curling up with my version of musical comfort food? Perhaps. But starting off with Dehd, we have a type of band that used to be everywhere and now seems to be almost nowhere. Jangly lo-fi guitars, perky drums, and straightforward unadorned singing. About five years ago you couldn’t throw a rock in Brooklyn without hitting a band like this, but now that that fad is long gone. I’m glad that Chicago’s Dehd are still carrying the torch.

24. Perfume Genius – Set My Heart on Fire Immediately

I’ve always liked Perfume Genius, but for whatever reason Set My Heart on Fire Immediately is the album that took him out of the realm of casual background musical encounter to something I sought out. Chamber pop has never really been my thing (except for those couple summers where Grizzly Bear was totally my jam), but here the torch songs catch fire by the compressed force of Michael Hadreas’ longing. This record also pulls off the impressive feat of each song gradually morphing just a bit from what proceeds it, so that the whole record sounds similar and yet each song carves out its own little generic niche, the whole thing united by the quivering power of that pleading voice.

23. 2nd Grade – Hit to Hit

If you ever found yourself wondering what Guided by Voices would sound like if they wanted to be Big Star instead of punk rock Kinks, we now have the answer, and it’s Phily’s 2nd Grade. In the noble tradition of Bee Thousand and Alien Lanes, Hit to Hit’s 24 tracks breeze by in a mere 41 minutes and 8 seconds. An earworm sunny melody, a quick guitar hook, a second verse (maybe), and poof, each song is gone before you could ever miss it. You would think variation would be difficult working within such tight musical corners, but while each song clearly shares common DNA, there is actually a lot of variance here, from weepy country ditties (“Bye Bye Texas”) to overdriven stompers (“Baby’s First Word”) though they all tend to orbit the same (big) star.

22. Tame Impala – The Slow Rush

I’ll be the first to admit that The Slow Rush isn’t my favorite Tame Impala record, not by a long shot. Having said that, this album still feels like it got short shrift this year (not that anyone can really complain about that in these here times). If we never knew that Lonerism or Innerspeaker or Currents existed, I wonder how much people would be head over heels for this album. “One More Year” “Is It True” and “Posthumous Forgiveness” are all top notch Impala jams. Seems like this album is the soundtrack for the chilled out summer hangs that we never got to have, and thus it’s fitting that it seems condemned for the ash-heap of history rather than the late-night come downs we never got up to.

21. Against All Logic – 2017 – 2019

Ah, speaking of complicated musical relationships, I can never seem to chart a clear course with Nicolas Jaar. The music he puts out under his own name never seems to do much for me, but I dug his collaboration with Dave Harrington as Darkside, and I really love most everything he’s put out as Against All Logic. While admittedly not a great year for house music—normally a liberating genre of communal interconnectivity, now a cruel reminder that we all live in Footloose—a banger remains a banger, and 2017-2019 is full to the brim with them. While I honestly can’t remember the last time I went dancing, I’ll still crank up “Fantasy” and bop around my living room, literally dancing by myself (lets be honest, something I would have done pandemic or no).

20. Fiona Apple – Fetch the Bolt Cutters

Fetch the Bolt Cutters has had a lot of great things said about it this year, so I don’t really have to add that much. What I will say is this is perhaps the most interesting percussion I’ve ever heard on a record. There is percussion all over the place, but almost none of it in the form of full-kit drumming. Fiona always used the left hand on the piano as the rhythmic center of her songs, but here there is drilling, tapping, rapping, patting. The phrase DIY gets tossed around all the time (and almost never applied to big money, big label Fiona) but to me the most impressive thing about this record is how it always sounds like she is sitting at a rickety upright piano in the corner of a living room, while everyone congregating around keeps the beat by tapping on pots and pans, the walls, whatever is at hand. I’ve truly never heard anything like it.

19. Advertisement – American Advertisement

Godbless Seattle’s Advertisement. So long as there is cheap beer, old shitty cars driving with the windows down, and the U-SofA, there’ll be bands like Advertisement. Straight out of the vein of Cheap Trick and the more recent White Reaper, Advertisement play power pop with the emphasis on the power. Sometimes this type of music gets called sleazy, but honestly I don’t get it. I think its probably because you can imagine it playing while Wooderson drives around Austin looking for redheads. While we rightfully cancelled the song of summer this year, “Upstream Boogie” would have gotten my vote, perfect for backyard bbqs and cannonballing into creeks.

18. Nation of Language – Introduction, Presence

I didn’t set it up this way, but if Advertisement has a diametric opposite, its probably Nation of Language. Where Advertisement is all frayed edges and foam, Nation of Language is as buttoned up as those terrible sports jackets people wore in the early ‘90s. While its not as good as my beloved Black Marble, those bands share enough DNA to make me a big fan of this synth pop gem. It’s not as dark as the cold-wave Black Marble, but it does share that bands fondness for stark baselines and crisp arpeggios. If you’ve ever envisioned your life as a scene from a John Hughes movie, Nation of Language could easily be playing in the background.

17. The Soft Pink Truth – Shall we Go on Sinning so that Grace May Increase?

Indulge me in a moment of naval gazing. Every year as I put these things together I reach a point where I’m lack “damn, this album is this low on the list?” And the point at which that thought enters my head is usually indicative of how good a year for music it was. Now 2020 wasn’t a good year for anything, and I probably spent the least time of any year listening to music, new, old, whatever. For the most part I just listened to the Grateful Dead and ambient albums. However, for my idiosyncratic tastes, 2020 was actually a pretty fucking incredible year for new music, as evinced by the fact that this album is all the way down at 17.

Earlier on in 2020 as I was bombarding my poor local music text thread with yet more of my inane musings, I think I declared this a top 3 album of the year. And I wasn’t lying! “Pretty” is often a dirty word in aesthetic appreciation, but this is certainly the “prettiest” album of the year in the best sense of the word. From the Drew Daniel half of Matmos comes Shall we Go on Sinning so that Grace May Increase? A record that is somehow simultaneously deep house and feather light, so much so that it needs its own dumb internet music writing moniker—shallow house? wide house? vacation house? (actually kinda like that last one). With vocals from Jana Hunter, Angel Deradoorian, and Colin Self (with whom I wasn’t previously familiar) this thing will simultaneously make you want to tap your foot and drift off into the clouds. This is album is like the prayer Madonna sang about all those years ago.

16. Kurt Vile – Speed, Sound, Lonely KV

It’s not at all surprising that if Kurt Vile decided he wanted to go country western he’d be really fucking good at it. First of all, he’s an exceptional acoustic guitar picker. Secondly, his voice, while always befitting his hazed out urban rockers, has just enough twang to it that in retrospect it always sounded a little bit country. This record also gives me room to offer up an homage to the late great John Prine, for whom the EP is essentially a tribute. Vile covers two Prine songs, dueting with the man himself on “How Lucky.” Saying goodbye is never easy, but on Speed, Sound, Lonely (both the album, and the song more or less by that name) Vile manages a fitting tribute to a lost legend.

15. Lomelda – Hannah

The reviews of Hannah really did Lomelda a disservice. Sure, they were glowing, but they made it sound like this was some weepy milquetoast singer songwriter affair, when it’s actually a knotty album full off elliptical piano and fuzzed out electric guitar. Its 14 tracks hurtle by, largely due to the fact that almost all of them are under 3 and a ½ minutes. Things really get going with the second track, “Hannah Sun” with is squiggly synth effects and driving acoustic strums carrying on Hannah Read’s musings. It’s an album of relentless forward musical movement even if the vibe feels like it’s always looking back over its shoulder. Basically this album is what emo would sound like if it wasn’t made by the worst people in the universe.

14. Shabaka and the Ancestors – We are Sent here by History

Jazz! Another great year for jazz (Asher Gamedze’s Dialectic Soul and Keefe Jackson, Jim Baker, & Julian Kirshner’s So Glossy and So Thin are with a strong group that just missed the cut). In the midst of an excellent jazz renaissance (you gotta use super annoying words like “renaissance” when talking about jazz) Shebaka Hutchins remains my absolute fave of the bunch, and We are Sent here by History is probably my favorite thing he has put out so far.

13. Waxahatchee – Saint Cloud

While I really liked Waxahatchee’s low-fi emoish debut—American Weekend—I’ll readily admit I wasn’t much about the popier albums that followed, frequently jesting, honestly, that Allison was my preferred musical Crutchfield sister. All that changed for me with Saint Cloud. I’ve certainly drifted far off into country and Americana as I’ve aged, and it appears the same came be said for Katie Crutchfield. These songs have a giddyup to them but they never break out into a gallop, allowing the strength of the melodies to carry them along across the plains, with just the right hint of twilight. Saint Cloud is the sound of Patsy Cline if she played to roadside inns rather than the Grand Ol’ Opry.

12. Neil Young – Homegrown

This was the hardest album to place on the list this year. For starters, should it even count? Clearly I say yes. While some of these songs have been available for over 30 years, as an album, Homegrown was a “new” release here in 2020, even though it was originally slated to come out in ’75 between On the Beach (my personal fave Neil record) and Zuma. As a pure piece of music, is it better than most, if not all, of the records that follow? Of course yes. But what does a new Neil Young record mean in 2020? As a thought experiment its fascinating. Do we value this album within the musical context of 2020 or 1975? Fortunately, it’s an even more enjoyable listen than it is a thought experiment. From the first strums of “Separate Ways” you’re like “oh shit, this is the vintage stuff.” Gentle amber acoustic numbers (“Try”) share space with electric stompers (“Vacancy”). The best thing you can say about Homegrown is that if Neil had originally decided to release this instead of Tonight’s The Night, it would have fit right in amongst his unimpeachable run from Everybody Knows This is Nowhere up through Zuma. A classic is still a classic, no matter what year it finally sees the light of day.

11. Destroyer – Have we Met

Ah Dan Bejar, boy was I wrong about you. I kinda got into Destroyer’s Rubies, I loved his contributions to Swan Lake and The New Pornographers, but yet when Chinatown started really making waves, I just couldn’t do it. It was soft rock! I hate soft rock! I hate everything about it! This preconceived notion wasn’t helped by the fact that I saw him open for the War on Drugs in Pontiac once and he was so drunk he could barely stand up and had to read his own lyrics from a sheet. And yet, for some reason I never really gave up on it. I can’t tell you why exactly, but two summers ago Chinatown just slowly became my go-to for early morning / late afternoon strolls. I found comfort in giving myself over to its pillowy soft embrace / cheating on my own aesthetic judgments. Now that I’m card-carrying Bejarhead, I greeted Have we Met with open arms, and I was not disappointed. The synths glimmer, the guitars add just enough punch, and his lyrics remain sharp as ever. Its fitting that this was the last concert I saw before the iron curtain fell. The one thing I had always turned my back on ended up being the last memory of dionysian group enthrallment I had to carry with me out into the desert of social isolation. Come back soon Destroyer, come back soon, everyone.

10. Deeper – Auto-Pain

Ladies and gentlemen, get ready, because post punk is back! I always say my favorite genre is ‘sad songs you can dance to’ but post punk is a close second. When I was in college post punk underwent a bit of a renaissance in the form of Interpol (back when they were still good), Bloc Party (ditto), Franz Ferdinand, and a whole slew of British one hit wonders (Maximo Park, Futureheads, Art Brut, the Bravery). Fortunately, as is always the case, what’s old is new again, and stark melodic bass lines, angular guitars, and moody introspective speak-singing are back in full force. Of the three post punk bands gracing this here top ten (Deeper, Fontaines DC, and Crack Cloud) each has its own little slice of the generic pie. Fontaines have the deep gloom of Interpol/Joy Division, Crack Cloud ripple with the staccato energy of Gang of Four, and Deeper have the wiry dancieness of, well, Wire. So long as leather jackets and black and white photography remain cool, there’ll always be bands like this, and thank god for that. In a true sign o’ the times, I learned about this band from some random girl’s Tik Tok in my for-you feed. She repped five bands, two of which are in my top three, so I was like, sure I’ll give this band Deeper a go. God bless the internet. Finally, Deeper get bonus points for naming a song “This Heat,” who I’ve been spending a lot of time revisiting this year, and whose spikey guitars are all over this record.

9. The Flaming Lips – American Head

There are few things as satisfying in art as being genuinely surprised by a beloved artist you had given up as culturally dead. Since putting out their last masterpiece (2009’s Embryonic) the Lips have put out a string of good, if inconsequential, albums that befitting the ethos of the band could best be described as half baked (The Terror, Oczy Moldy, and a series of collaborative experiments). Basically, they had reached that dreaded nadir where I was no longer interested in listening to their new output (cough The National, cough cough Arcade Fire). So what made me give American Head a chance? That reader, is the point of art criticism! I can’t remember how the blurb on pitchfork read exactly, but I knew it referenced Tom Petty and a return to a preoccupation with more Earthly concerns—namely ‘70s heartland rock. Well, this sounded intriguing, and boy was I not disappointed. Sure, the Flaming Lips have already reached their sell-by date twice over (first in 1992, immediately followed by their MTV reinvention on 1993’s Transmissions from the Satellite Heart; and then again in the late ‘90s with the departure of guitarist Ronald Jones, followed by their creative pinnacle, ‘99’s symphonic masterpiece The Soft Bulletin), so it shouldn’t be all that surprising that this band could rise from the dead a third time. Only, for the most part, they didn’t. I guess I’m not surprised that American Head failed to reach a broader audience. Most people probably aren’t even aware that they are still a going concern, and after the failures of the last decade it makes sense that most weren’t interested in more tunes from the Oklahoma freaknicks. But for those willing to give the band another chance, American Head easily delivers their best album since Embryonic, if not all the way back to Yoshimi. Mixing ‘70s Americana with the star gazing of Soft Bulletin’s “Sleeping on the Roof,” the Lips deliver their best album in decades by foregoing the parlor tricks and returning to what they do best, taking trips to distant galaxies while keeping their feet firmly planted in the soil and songcraft of Oklahoma.

8. Cut Worms – Nobody Lives Here Anymore

This one is pretty easy. Do you like George Harrison’s All Things Must Pass? If yes, listen to Nobody Lives Here Anymore and revel in this double album’s upbeat acoustic rock mediations. If no, well there’s plenty of other good stuff out there. Not quite as metaphysical or orchestral as All Things Must Pass, Nobody Lives Here Anymore still manages to hit that rockabiliy-pop sweet spot that Harrison used to mine. I’m not quite sure what the definition of “troubadour” is, but it feels safe to call Cut Worms a troubadour, which is certainly better than his terrible stage name.

7. Cigarettes for Breakfast – Aphantasia

Similar to Cut Worms, Cigarettes for Breakfast also involves a simple influence equation. Do you pray at the altar of Loveless? If so, Aphantasia is just the record for you. Sure, it’s a bit of My Bloody Valentine paint by numbers (“Breathe” even features the same squally guitar noise [it’s really hard to try and describe My Bloody Valentine effects ha] as “Soft as Snow (But Warm Inside)”) but when you’re as into shoegaze as I am, that’s never really a bad thing. Plus, I’m being a bit unfair. Everyone with textured tremolo heavy wall-of-sound guitars and cooed vocals is going to inevitably be compared to MBV, and Cigarettes for Breakfast do enough to chart their own course. Perhaps most interesting is the musical journey this record charts. Its loudest moment is its opening, where pummeling guitars more reminiscent of Sonic Youth with a touch of Dinosaur Jr. rip across hardcore style drumming. From there each song becomes a little more ambient, until closer “If Someone Could Help Me, Please” more or less floats away on its shimmering sheets of beautiful noise clouds. In this sense, it bears a resemblance in structure, if not in sound, to Deerhunter’s Cryptograms, another album I spent a lot of time revisiting this year. A shutout here is owed to the fine folks at Radio K, who had me diving for my shazam as this thing ripped across their airwaves. So long as there is college radio, there’ll be a new crop of kids discovering via Kevin Shields that the electric guitar contains endless sonic possibilities.

6. Fontaines D.C. – A Hero’s Death

The second entry in our top-ten post punk trio is A Hero’s Death by Fontaines D.C. I’ll admit, on first blush it’s kind of a dumb band name (I just assumed they were some hardcore band from Washington DC chasing those Dischord Records glory days), but when you learn that the “DC” stands for Dublin City, it all clicks, as this band is sorta inescapably Irish in the way that James Joyce is. Now this fact at first was also off-putting—if I went the rest of my life without ever hearing the Dropkick Murphy’s again I’d be quite content—but eventually it becomes integral to their sound, and not just because of the brogue in Garin Chatten’s vocals. “Love is the Main Thing” is an incredible song in many ways, most notably because of the hypnotic quality of the drumming with its counterpoint between riding cymbal and staccato toms, but perhaps in the main (*wink*) for the way it manages to connote the weariness of a grey urban environment without ever being explicitly about it. Just as Turn on the Bright Lights managed to perfectly capture New York in 2001, A Hero’s Death to me is the aural equivalent of a dense urban center like Dublin, especially after nightfall.

5. Imaginary Softwoods – Annual Flowers in Color

It should come as no surprise that I listened to A LOT of ambient this year, and to me there was no better electronic record to chill the fuck out to during this insane year than Annual Flowers in Color. I absolutely loved Emeralds’ Does it Look Like I’m Here? and was devastated they never followed that gem (*wink*) up. In the immediate aftermath of the demise of Emeralds Mark McGuire’s solo albums got a lot of attention, but apparently the person I really loved in Emeralds was Imaginary Softwoods’ John Elliot. Annual Flowers in Color is like if Dead City’s, Red Seas, Lost Ghosts were waiting in the departure’s lounge of Eno’s airport. At the heart of the album lies the 10 plus minutes of “Another First/Sea Machine.” I could listen to this song forever, and on some particularly WTF 2020 lakewalks I more or less have. Chunky synths, arpeggios that drift off to infinity, ‘80s soundtrack nostalgia. I could live in these Softwoods for the rest of my sonic days.

4. Pottery – Welcome to Bobby’s Motel

In another moment of nostalgia for my college years, Pottery are a welcome return to weird ass experimental Canadian bands. They don’t sound anything like the Unicorns, but in spirit Pottery kind of remind me of them. I’ve spilled a lot of digital ink here and elsewhere bemoaning the fact that Pitchfork (or perhaps, me) isn’t cool anymore, and to me no band embodies this more than Pottery. They take a bunch of fun disparate elements—Talking Heads dance art rock, periodic weird pitch shifted vocal effects, hazy deep purple style guitars, and Queen style machismo disco—throw them into a witch’s cauldron, and come up with something off the wall that sounds like nothing else but is also instantly familiar. This is the type of thing Pitchfork would have been all over in 2007, but instead now they’re too busy chasing conde nast clout clicks. Oh well, nothing gold can last. But enough negativity, this here is a celebration of the joy of new music, and no new band embodies that unbridled joy like Pottery. Along with Fontaines DC, this is the band I wish I most could have bopped around to with a bunch of sweaty strangers in the 7th St. Entry or Turf Club. You can just imagine the call and response vocals and funky grooves getting the people moving. Oh well, hopefully we’ll soon all be rocking the vaccine, they can breeze through town, and I’ll be the first person on the dance floor embarrassingly pumping my fist a half beat behind the rhythm.

3. Pure X – Pure X

To paraphrase Same Elliott in the Big Lebowski, sometimes there’s a band, and well, sometimes there’s a band. For me this year, that band was Pure X. I absolutely loved their debut Pleasure way back in 2011, when lo-fi reverb heavy slow guitar music (ie, Galaxie 500) was all the rage. Their follow up Crawling up the Stairs was so bad I didn’t even bother listening to Angel, though perhaps that also owed a decent amount to just how terrible the art on that record is. (I’ve since remedied this mistake; turns out that record rules). Being that as it may, I can’t particularly tell you what drew me in to this year’s self-titled album, a full nine years after Pleasure first graced the stage. In one sense it’s probably because Pleasure is one those albums that just never went out of my rotation. Whenever the fahrenheit tips past 90 and the walk to the bodega is a few blocks longer than you’d like, that record always hits the spot. Maybe I just knew this was the record I needed this year. Either way, from the first bars of “Middle America” I was hooked. The guitars crash over you, but never in a threatening way. Rather, they envelop you like a weighted blanket, comforting you in their sonic embrace. Nowhere is this more true than on ��Fantasy,” easily my favorite song of 2020 (especially since this was a year entirely devoid of dance floor bangers). If this album came out in 1999 rather than 2020 I would have hit the repeat button on my discman and listened to this song forever.

2. Crack Cloud – Pain Olympics

Pain Olympics is the answer to the question that no one asked: what if Arcade Fire’s (back when they were good) communal uplift was paired with Gang of Four’s stark anthem’s of industrialism’s collapse? While on first blush this might sound like your standard album of punkish fist pumping angst, from when the female vocals (sorry there are too many people in this band for me to be able to figure out whose who) come in on opener “Post Truth (Birth of a Nation)” Pain Olympics reveals itself to be a very strange animal (likely a unicorn of some sort), especially as little orchestral swirls creep into the mix, giving it an almost Judy Garland (in hell) quality. This subtle genre pastiche is given its best effect on stunner “The Next Fix.” That song starts out as an elastic spoken-word call and response addiction rumination, at the minute mark it starts to segue into a vocoded chill raver, then some horns crop up out of nowhere, then a spoken word passage, then at the two minute mark a chorus of voices come in, doing their best Broken Social Scene in the truest sense of the phrase. This is perhaps one of the strangest records I’ve ever heard, but what is strangest of all is just how beautiful it is. Crack Cloud are not for everyone, but if you really give it a chance, the returns are limitless.

1. SAULT – Untitled (Rise) / Untitled (Black Is)

You cannot tell the story of 2020 without SAULT, which is why this pair of records is here at the top, even if under the influence of sodium pentothal (lets be honest, veritaserum) I might lean more towards Pain Olympics. In June, the “anonymous” London project put out Untitled (Black Is), and then quickly followed that gem up with September’s Untitled (Rise). Perhaps more amazing still is that these two albums, released so close together, have unique personalities. Black Is is more pop/R&B whereas Rise has a dancy, electr(on)ic feel. I lean more towards the latter, but honestly, both albums are so overstuffed with amazing moments that it’s borderline unbelievable that one outfit could put out so much amazing music in such a short span. While these records would chart high even if sung in Hopelandic, there’s no escaping the social import of the lyrics. One need look no further than Black Is’s “Don’t Shoot Guns Down” for the 2020 dance party at the end of the world. As if that weren’t more than enough, it finds its analogue on Rise’s “Street Fighter,” and that’s SAULT in a nutshell: two albums in constant communication with one another, and more importantly, with the state of the world. Guns down. Don’t Shoot. Let’s dance.

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explosionshark · 4 years

Note

Hey! Big fan of your writing. :) For the writing prompts, could I request #3 for Chloe Price and Victoria Chase?

hi i’m so sorry it took me a month to do this! thank you for the prompt! i think this is my first chaseprice. originally this was going to be sad, but i didn’t feel like bumming anyone (including me) out tonight so instead it got, uhhh, vaguely smutty.

3. “It’s three in the morning.”

“It’s August 17th. Grass is green. That sleeve is way more trailer trash than badass punk rocker.”

“What the fuck are you talking about?”

“Oh, I’m sorry, were we not just reciting a list of the obvious at each other?”

“Fuck, Victoria, just get in the car before I change my mind,” Chloe practically growls, leaning across the cab to throw the passenger side door open in invitation.

“Why would I do that?” Victoria asks, but doesn’t stop, forcing Chloe to keep creeping down the street in her truck with the door open, like some kind of stranger danger-ass creep.

“Because it’s three in the morning and you’re walking down the street alone at night by yourself, like an idiot,” Chloe barks. She’s trying to do the right thing, trying to be like… all conscientious and shit. It hardly feels worth it, when once again, Victoria Chase finds a way to make her feel like a totally useless idiot the moment she opens her mouth. “Why are you walking down the street alone at night by yourself like an idiot?”

“Why are you stalking me in your truck?” Victoria tosses back. “You know, you’re not doing much for all those awful stereotypes about predatory lesbians, Chloe. What’s next? Going to offer me some candy? What, are you a friend of my mom’s?”

“Your mom and I aren’t friends, she just eats me out when your dad’s not home,” Chloe says and the tension in her shoulders, the sharp sting of humiliation reddening the back of her neck eases when Victoria chokes out a laugh. “Now stop being a bitch and get in the fucking car. It’ll be faster. Put us both out of our misery.”

Victoria actually pauses this time, glancing around the street before eyeing Chloe’s truck with suspicion.

“No one’s gonna see,” Chloe rolls her eyes and leans back into her seat. “Literally everyone smarter than you’s at home in bed right now. So, like, the whole town.”

With a huge sigh, Victoria hauls herself into the truck, slamming the door hard enough to rattle the whole cab. She smells like expensive perfume, peppermint schnapps and wood smoke. She kicks her towering heels off immediately, pulling her stockinged feet up onto the bench and tucking herself into the corner of the cab.

Stockings. She’s wearing stockings under that short skirt, riding up even shorter with the twist of her legs. Stockings, like some kind of sexy old-timey movie star fantasy run amok. Chloe wonders how Victoria Chase finds a way to be 18 and 81 at the same time.

“Whose party?” Chloe asks once she drags her eyes away from Victoria’s legs, pretending she doesn’t see the smirk on Victoria’s face that means she absolutely noticed.

“The Vortex Club’s. Who else?” Victoria asks, running a hand through her hair. It’s shorter now than the last time Chloe saw her, a few months ago. It makes her look older, more mature. It leaves Chloe feeling even more like a stupid teenager, fumbling and uncouth, even though she’s technically older than Victoria.

“Yeah, stupid question,” Chloe mutters. It feels dangerous, just the two of them in Chloe’s truck like this. “Not like you hang out with anyone else.”

“It’s called having standards,” Victoria sniffs. “Maybe if you tried it sometime you wouldn’t be nearly twenty and still getting busted by the cops for smoking pot and blowing up GI Joes with firecrackers behind the Circle K.”

“You heard about that?” Chloe laughs. It’s a little embarrassing, and David had given her absolute hell over it once word got back to him from his little buddies in blue, but Christ, it had been funny.

“About how somehow you’re an adult who has the life of a Toy Story villain and you’re, like, fine with it? Yeah, Chloe. I heard about it.”

“And you think my life would be, what, different? Better? If I just wanted it to be? If I had your standards?” Chloe asks, pulling into the darkest corner of the Blackwell student lot and killing the engine. The cab is dark but for the light streaming in through the back window from streetlamp a few rows over. The night is silent without the rattle of the truck’s old engine. Chloe slithers across the seat like she’s been wanting to do since Victoria got into the truck. Closer, she can read the expression Victoria’s face a bit better – a little expectant, a little disbelieving, like she always seems to be when they’re together like this.

Like she’s halfway between scared and excited and she likes it best right there, between the two.

“I think our lives are what we make them,” Victoria says, voice even and calm, despite the quickening of her breath. Her makeup’s gently faded from the night, except for the lipstick Chloe saw her touching up on the street before she pulled up alongside her. It’s bright red, applied just a little too thick, Victoria a little too drunk to make it perfect. “I think if you want to be successful and you work hard for it, it will happen.”

Chloe wants to lean in and mess it up. She wants to taste it herself, scrape it off Victoria’s bottom lip with her teeth, smear it messily down her chin, her cheek. She wants that lipstick staining the collar of her shirt tomorrow when she wakes up.

But she waits.

“So people who don’t succeed, it’s just their fault for not wanting it enough, huh? For not working hard enough,” Chloe says and it makes her mad, kind of. But it doesn’t make her want Victoria less. Victoria says nothing, just keeps watching Chloe from across the bench, leg still tucked up under her. “Pretty rich girl like you, you would think that. Mommy and Daddy sending you to a fancy private art school. You would think that.”

“I worked hard to be here,” Victoria says.

“Yeah,” Chloe nods. “You and your standards.”

She leans forward, one hand behind Victoria’s head flat on the glass of the window, the other grasping the inside of a thigh, just under her skirt, just over where the stockings end. She applies the gentlest pressure, feels Victoria turn for her, legs falling open for her, hears the breath catch in Victoria’s throat.

Chloe knows an invitation when she sees one. She slides her hand higher.

You wouldn’t know how she was being touched from that perfectly cool look on Victoria’s face. Smug, almost bored. Chloe kind of admires her for it, even though she wants nothing more than to ruin that poise. It’s the challenge, the vaguely adversarial nature of the sex that keeps these encounters, brief and few that though they’ve been, interesting.

It doesn’t take long, really. Chloe’s good enough at this by now and Victoria’s drunk enough to not care that she’s being obvious. Within minutes she’s writhing against the door, shaking and swollen, dripping down Chloe’s wrist and begging to come.

So, of course Chloe pulls away.

Victoria keens, scrabbling desperately at Chloe’s retreating arm, panting and lipstick-smudged and nearly delirious. “Fuck. Fuck. Why’d you stop?”

“Well, I figured you wouldn’t want any handouts, right?” Chloe drawls, and reaches over her shoulder for a fistful of her tanktop. She yanks the shirt up and over her head, liking the sound her necklace makes when it falls against her bare skin. And yeah, technically, this is a tremendously bad idea because they’re in the Blackwell parking lot and there’s security wandering around out there somewhere but, well. Fuck it. Life’s a risk.

“Are you serious right now?” Victoria glares, looking very regal and pissed off for a girl with her skirt hiked up over her hips. All the incandescent rage in the world couldn’t disguise the way her eyes keep drifting down to Chloe’s exposed breasts, though, the way she has to fight to meet Chloe’s eyes when she speaks.

“Well, it wouldn’t have been very fair of me not to give you a chance to earn it,” Chloe shrugs. “But, y’know, most people don’t know this about me but I’ve actually got a pretty fuckin generous spirit and shit. So, like, if you were to ask me nicely, I’m sure I could…”

“Oh fuck this,” Victoria snarls and for a moment Chloe thinks she must have finally pushed too far, that Victoria’s going to fumble her way out of the cab and stalk back to her room.

But instead she launches herself across the cab, shoving Chloe up against the other door so hard and clumsy and fast her elbow bounces hard enough off the steering wheel to make her whole arm go numb. But before she has a chance to complain about that Victoria’s in her lap, grinding against Chloe’s bare stomach while her fingers tug insistently at the metal bars through Chloe’s nipples.

She’s rough and pissed off and neither of them is going to last like this but, well. Victoria’s kind of a perfectionist, control-freak weirdo, right? Chances are she’ll want a few more rounds, to make it perfect.

Chloe’s never been one to back down from a challenge.

dialogue prompts

#life is strange #chaseprice #chloe price #victoria chase #good lord i hope this readmore sticks #prompt fills #the backstory for this WOULD BE #before max shows up #chloe and victoria have probably hooked up a few times but they're like. mean about it #basically my read on chaseprice is #mostly they're just hot jerks who would hook up a lot #and be absolutely terrible to each other ninety percent of the time #but the other ten percent has a tremendous capacity #to be tender #like chloe not letting victoria wander around drunk alone at night #and victoria being frustrated bc she thinks that chloe's better than the life she's living #anyway! we love some class tension in our smut #morphophoneme

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quicksilverlightning · 5 years

Text

The All Might Fan Forum Discussion Board, Part Two

ALL MIGHT FAN FORUM General Discussion All Might Battles Meeting All Might Rescued by All Might All Might Encounters >Small Might Encounters (New!) Fanart and Fanfiction

Gone4-a-Jog

Small Might Sensei

I like to go jogging. I started recently and I’m not very good at it – I can’t run very fast or very long. But I like taking different routes and discovering new places when I stop to catch my breath. It was during one of my longer runs that I bumped into All Might.

I’d heard someone behind me a few minutes before I stopped to put my hands on my knees and try to gulp down as much air as possible, but didn’t hear that he stopped when I did so I jumped and nearly fell on my ass when I got upright, then nearly fell again when I saw who it was and this long sentence doesn’t begin to cover the comedy of errors that was my life in these few moments.

He stopped cause I was running wrong. Sidenote: there’s a such thing as running wrong. Apparently, you want to land in the middle of your foot and try not to land on your heel at all cause that can cause problems. He also taught me a few breathing rhythms for different intensities of runs.

He ran with me for about twenty minutes, correcting my bad posture and seriously I know every post on this forum says it, but All Might is super, super nice. Like, you’d think he’d have at least a little ego or something, but he doesn’t. He just wants to help everyone. He said hello to everyone we passed and doubled back to throw away a bottle someone dropped. He’d so nice you guys.

I’ve been using what he taught me for a few days now, and haven’t gotten a stitch in my side once. It’s so much easier to run now. Thanks Sensei!

Pepper-oni

Seatmates!

Small Might sat next to me on the bus. Pretty sure he could have had any seat he wanted no matter how crowded it was, but he was really polite and kinda awkward about asking if he could sit with me. Meanwhile, I’m internally screaming while trying to keep it cool on the outside.

He was texting someone on his phone – I tried not to stare, but it’s All Might, you know? I didn’t catch much, just that he was proud of someone, which, hello, is so frickking cute. He looked happy.

m0toroildrmz

A brief conversation with my mother:

“Mom, do you know who that was?”

“No?”

“That was All Might! All Might, mom!”

I leave my mom alone for five seconds to use the bathroom, and I come back to ALL MIGHT helping her with her English crossword puzzles. She didn’t even get an autograph for me.

oba-san581

the beach

I don’t know why it took so very long for it to click – after his last battle, I couldn't shake the feeling that I’d seen that tall, skinny man somewhere before. And he is such a distinctive gentleman; I was sure I knew him, somehow. It wasn’t until I met him on the beach that it finally fell into place.

I��m retired these days, so I have a lot of time on my hands. Every day, I take a walk from my home to the library and back. Sometimes I stay a few minutes, sometimes the entire day gets away from me. For months, almost every day without fail, there was a man and a boy cleaning the shoreline near my home. They would be there when I left for the day, and were still there when I came back. The boy was a scrappy, freckled little thing, cute as a button. The man was slender, but undeniably strong – he would step in to help with some of the bigger appliances, but mostly directed the boy and cheered him on.

I stopped to speak to them a few times; the boy was such a polite young man, and All Might was genial and humble. I never would have known. I could never have guessed had I not met him again, returning from the library with a book to enjoy near the waves.

It’s strange; heroes are so flashy these days, hustle and bustle and fight and move. And we appreciate them, need them. But there’s something so very special about the little things. All Might personally spent almost a year helping clean up a beach. Would anyone else in the top ten have done that?

He was every bit as kind as I remembered. He doesn’t accept praise very well, insisted the beach was all the boy’s doing. Which is fair enough I suppose – he did most of the heavy lifting. Even so, that man was out there almost every single day, with lunch and water and cheer and kind words. It warmed my heart, watching the two of them progress across the sand. I’m so glad All Might is a teacher now; those kids are in good hands.

spite-and-aesthetic

again with the cats

small might plucked my cat out of a tree AGAIN – same cat same tree he even fucking remembered me is this guy for real?

MKPlusUltra

All Might does not skip Leg Day

So I’m minding my own business, checking messages on my phone, waiting on my drink order, when there’s some commotion across the street – lotta loud noise, people screaming and running, standard-issue villain-tries-to-rob-the-till-at-the-combini sort of afternoon. It’s a tall guy with, like, I guess it’s a stretch Quirk off some kind? He looks like he walked out of some old-timey cartoon, all wiggly limbs bouncing everywhere, running from what looks like some rookie Pro – I don’t even think they were a rookie yet; maybe an intern? Anyway, Noodle Arms is booking it, Intern is after him as fast as his short legs can manage. Leggy clears the street in one jump and starts twisting his head around like he can’t decide where to go next.

It’s at that moment when All Might himself exits the building next to mine, one hand leaving his pocket to check his watch and Noodle makes a decision.

Now look, I’m gonna break this down into slo-mo for ya, cause seriously, it was a thing of beauty. It was one, smooth, impossibly cool-looking move, and every piece of it needs to be appreciated. This DUMBASS, who clearly had no plan whatsoever beyond “grab a hostage,” honestly thinks he can take on ALL MIGHT, I guess cause he’s skinny now or something. He wraps his stupid noodle limbs around him and All Might doesn’t even twitch when Dumbass constricts his arms and waves a gun around. Dumbass is yelling something, I don’t know what, who tf cares. All Might kinda tilts his head, wriggles his shoulders a bit, then lifts his arms up and slides out of the jacket so fast the fabric doesn’t even lose its shape. I’m not even kidding, it looked like it was on an invisible mannequin, this move came straight from the Acme school of How To Defy Physics. Dumbass has just enough time to look shocked before he’s eating a size 13 leather shoe – All Might dropped to his haunches, made a quarter-turn, and kicked his leg up and back, straight into the jaw of Dumbass. He kicks him so hard his feet actually lift off the ground and he flies backwards into a streetlamp.

All Might doesn’t even look angry; he just looks Annoyed, like someone forgot to put sugar in his coffee. He picks up his jacket and slings it over a shoulder and waits around a few minutes for the police to catch up and haul Noodle McDumbass into custody while Short Intern babbles away with stars in his eyes. It was the coolest thing I’ve ever seen in my life.

AM_FAN0112

HE’S BACK

HE HASN’T BEEN TO THE SHOP IN THREE MONTHS TOSHINORI YOU USELESS SUNFLOWER I WAS WORRIED ABOUT YOU. I LEFT SO MANY TEARS ON HIS JACKET

YOU FUCKING SWEETHEART. YOU ABSOLUTE RAY OF LITERAL SUNSHINE. I WILL SAVE EVERY COPY OF SUGAR SUGAR CAT CAFE FOR YOU I WILL READ EVERY SINGLE DUMBASS ROMANCE MANGA I CAN FIND I WILL WORK IN THIS TINY BOOKSHOP FOR THE REST OF MY STUPID LIFE JUST NEVER SCARE ME LIKE THAT AGAIN YOU AWKWARD JACKRABBIT DON’T EVER LEAVE ME HANGING LIKE THAT AGAIN

I’M SORRY FOR SCREAMING I JUST MISSED HIM SO MUCH HE’S MY FAVORITE CUSTOMER EVEN BEFORE I KNEW HE WAS ALL MIGHT. HE’S AN ADORABLE OLD MAN

RedRibbon

A good man

Perhaps it’s a little unfair for me to comment since I work in the Tower. Still, there are some things I wanted to share with the world and this is a good place to do it.

I’ve been at the agency for three years now, mainly doing secretarial work. My direct superior is a man named Yagi-san. Yagi-san acted as All Might’s personal assistant, right hand man, concierge, whatever you want to call it. Telling something to Yagi-san was as good as telling it to All Might directly. I, along with everyone else in the Tower, learned why that night in Kamino.

I’ve read many, many posts on these discussion boards and if I were to identify a unifying theme that everyone seems to mention, it’s that All Might is a nice guy. That he really, honestly cares. That he worries about the little things just as much as the big things. I’ve worked with Yagi-san for three years and can confirm that none of it is a show for the adoring public – it’s all 100% true.

Let me tell you something, I worked with Miruko’s agency before All Might’s, and Wash before that, but unless the two of them also have secret identities, neither one of them was on the ground floor pushing pencils with the rest of us like All Might was. I’ve seen Yagi-san escorting new hires around the building when they get lost. I’ve seen him roll up his sleeves and change a busted printer cartridge, ink all over his shirt. He knows everyone’s birthday. He’ll do coffee runs, answer the phones, make deliveries, grab lunch, whatever you need. I’ve seen him as All Might, shutting the press down when they start getting pushy with the employees, or dropping by the daycare and making the kids light up.

I’ve never seen him complain. I’ve never seen him brush anyone off. I’ve never seen him be rude, or arrogant, or insulting, or aloof. I’ve never seen him treat anyone as lesser, as if they weren’t worth his time. Yagi-san lifted morale just by being in the building, the way All Might cut crime rates just by existing. Everyone in the agency loved Yagi-san just as much as they loved the hero; everyone had a story about All Might, and another one about Yagi-san. I’ve seen a few of those stories on this very board.

But this one is mine:

Ever since high school, I’ve used a ribbon to keep the hair out of my face. I love my curls, but they can be a nuisance waving around at the edge of my vision, so I keep them pulled back. I like using ribbons because scrunchies often get caught in my un-tameable mess of hair.

My ribbon snapped one day at work. It wasn’t a big deal – just a minor annoyance to have to keep pushing my hair back. But Yagi-san noticed. He noticed without anyone saying anything, and came back from lunch thirty minutes later with a beautiful red ribbon that he tied into my hair.

It really is the little things that matter the most. This tiny little gesture made me feel seen, acknowledged, valued. Not just as an employee, but as a person. All Might cares about those kinds of things – his employees aren’t subordinates, they’re people. He doesn’t rescue victims, he recuses people. He doesn’t pull you up to his level; he gets on yours and puts you on his shoulders.

I’ve worn that ribbon nearly every day for two years. It’s gotten thin in places, kinda frayed at the edges, but still doing its job faithfully. A bit little like the man who gave it to me.

#yagi toshinori #All Might #my hero academia #boku no hero academia #mha #bnha #fanfic #bnha fanfiction #small might #social media fic #pov outsider #I love writing fics like this #number one in our hearts #loosely connected to An Unofficial Statement from Might Tower #AM_FAN0112 is me

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lucy-sky · 4 years

Text

Headcanon meme - Ezra (Prospect, 2018)

Um… This has been in my drafts for like... a week already. Ages ago I reblogged this Headcanon meme but I got zero asks. So, being in the mood for headcanons and slightly obsessed with Prospect I just started randomly writing them about Ezra. Somehow I ended up writing the whole meme. Not sure if anyone would be interested to read these, but since I finally got to clean up my drafts, here we go.

No warnings, gif by me (credit if use please)

☾ - sleep headcanon

With his tough life Ezra doesn’t often have a luxury to sleep in a comfortable bed, but he’s got this superpower to sleep anywhere, anytime, in any position. He doesn’t have problems with getting up early, but he’s still usually a bit grumpy in the mornings.

★ - sad headcanon

Ezra does not often allow sad and depressive thoughts to consume him. In fact, his incredible optimism and confidence that it’ll work out somehow and everything will be okay in the end, even if you have to go through a lot of crap before it happens, always helped him to survive even the most dangerous situations. But of course he’s only human, and he can be gloomy too. He has regrets as well, but he refuses to focus on sad stuff, because he knows very well - in the world he lives, there’s no time for whining. Once you give up - you’re dead.

☆ - happy headcanon

When Ezra is happy, he smiles a lot. Yes, he is mostly talkative, but sometimes he’s just quiet and has this soft and content smile on his face with a lot of warmth behind it. These are rare occasions, that’s why they’re always so precious.

☠ - angry/violent headcanon

He’s not naturally violent. If there’s a possibility to settle the matter peacefully, he’d rather try it. But if someone threatens him or his loved ones - he will fight back without hesitation.

Ezra is never violent just for the sake of violence, he doesn’t find joy in it. Unfortunately sometimes he has no choice.

Ezra is capable for murder. He happened to kill, but he’s not proud of that. It’s more like a burden he has to live with, but he accepted it, because… That’s just life. Basically his life motto is what’s done is done, so what’s the point in torturing yourself about something that cannot be changed.

Generally Ezra is very reasonable, but when he’s angry he may become poisonous and say things that can hurt, or be brutally honest and tell someone the truth they don’t really want to hear.

✿ - Sex headcanon

I mean… this guy is full of big dick energy, so yeah… Sex with him is mostly rough and passionate. Sloppy kisses, kneading and biting, sex against the wall - all this is about him. On the other hand, he can be gentle too. You’d be surprised how tender he actually can be in contrast with his tough guy appearance and demeanor. He’s not selfish in bed, and if he’s got real feelings for someone, he becomes pretty soft and caring, making sure you’re comfortable and feel good. He doesn’t often have much time to enjoy the intimacy without hurry, but when he does, he uses this time to the fullest.

Ezra is quite experienced - he’s an attractive man and has a charm, so it’s not that hard for him to get a girl into bed. For sure he had just casual sex not once and not even twice… Mostly when he was a bit younger though. But when it comes to love and affection - it’s way more complicated. That’s why he really appreciates it. So even if your encounter was rough, you can always count on a soft kiss or cuddle afterwards. There are times when all he wants is just to hold you and feel your warmth.

■ - Bedroom/house/living quarters headcanon

He’s mostly on the road and seldom has an opportunity to settle for a while. Once he does, his living quarters are quite messy. He usually doesn’t bother himself with folding his clothes or making the bed. Thankfully he doesn’t have many belongings, they all fit into his backpack so he has no problems finding what he needs.

♡ - romantic headcanon

In the world where Ezra lives, not many people have the luxury of being romantic. Even a simple trust is a gift which is not that easy to gain. Ezra appreciates this gift though, he’s been lonely for quite a while, even without completely realizing it, even among people. So, even more than being with his love interest physically, he cherishes emotional closeness.

Yes, there’s no time and place for romance in this world, but Ezra always finds ways to show his affection, either it’s holding hands, soft looks and touches during the rare moments of intimacy, or being protective of his loved one.

♥ - family headcanon

Ezra’s life is a constant fight and one adventure after another. Deep inside this tough guy really needs to care for someone, but he never seriously thought about settling down and starting a family of his own.

☮ - friendship headcanon

To be honest, real friendship is not a very common thing in Ezra’s surroundings. It’s not always safe to trust people here. There are some people Ezra can work/deal with, but as for the REAL friends - he doesn’t have many. And maybe that’s why he cherishes them. As well as with his love interest, with his friends Ezra is loyal and protective.

♦ - quirks/hobbies headcanon

Secretly, Ezra really likes to read. He’d certainly do that more often if he had time.

Sometimes when he teams up with a few people for work, he doesn’t mind playing cards with them. He’s really good at bluffing.

☯ - likes/dislikes headcanon

Ezra likes smart people. Physical beauty is attractive for sure, but this kind of attraction doesn’t last that long. Yep, brains and wit are really important for this man. If you’re arguing with him, he may look not very pleased, but secretly he loves that too. If the partner agrees with his every word it, he can get bored pretty soon.

Ezra likes to talk, especially after he’s been alone for quite a while. It can even be a bit annoying at times.

Ezra likes it when you run your fingers through his hair. This soft intimate gesture makes him melt.

Ezra is mostly a man of his word, so he dislikes it when people fail to keep their promises.

▼ - childhood headcanon

For some reason Ezra doesn’t remember his childhood very well. His parents were far from being wealthy, and they were mostly occupied with how to earn money to pay the debts rather than paying attention to him. He lost them in his teens when they went for another risky job. He used to hang out with some shady guys and even was involved into some stuff. He learnt lots of survival lessons at quite a young age, but he doesn’t complain. In the end it only made him stronger.

∇ - old age/aging headcanon

Oh that’s funny. For some reason I seldom think about my favorite characters getting old. But I think Ezra could be a really funny grandpa. I think he’s got these protective instincts that would make him a good dad, so I think it’s possible for him to have children in the future, and then grandchildren. And I’m pretty sure they would adore listening to the stories about the adventures of his past :)

♒ - cooking/food headcanon

Ezra is absolutely not picky about what he eats. Food is just fuel for him. So, snacks, protein/chocolate bars and so on. If he lived in our realities, he’d be a fast food kind of person for sure. I’m also not sure if there’s coffee in Ezra’s world, but if there was - he’d totally drink a lot of it.

☼ - appearance headcanon

He doesn’t care much about appearance, mostly because he just has no time for it. But if he fell for you and wants to make good impression, he could trim his beard or even shave though :)

Ezra is not sure where he got this blond streak of his hair; he thinks it’s either some kind of a natural mutation, or something happened to him when he was a kid. Anyway, he has it from quite an early age.

ൠ - random headcanon

When he was young, about 18 years old, Ezra got into jail for some… Not very legal business he was doing with a bunch of “friends”. He was the youngest and the less experienced among them, so they managed to get away with it, and he didn’t. In jail, there was one older man, and Ezra really admired his way of speaking. When some bold dudes tried to bully him, he could say something so fancy in reply sometimes that they just stared at him in confusion, trying to figure out if he offended them or not. Ezra found it hilarious. From this man he learnt that words can also be a weapon or just a really helpful tool to achieve what you want.

This was my headcanon about where Ezra got his unusual manner of speech :)

◉ - Any other question of your choosing

Ezra has a habit to give nickmames to people he hangs out with. He can often call you “sweetheart”, “little bird”, “darlin’” or something like that. He does this somehow so naturally that even if you’re not a fan of pet names it sounds cute.

***

Thanks for reading!

I might write one more fic about this character but only after I’m done with 2 Rockwell characters fics I’m currently working on :’)

#prospect 2018 #pedro pascal #ezra (prospect)#prospect #headcanon #lucy tries to write

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f4liveblogarchives · 3 years

Text

Fantastic Four Vol 1 #228

Thurs Apr 30 2020 [07:47 PM] Wack'd: Johnny never struck me as a "literal jump for joy" kind of guy but he might just want to piss off Ben

[07:48 PM] Bocaj: I tried to do that jump and click heels thing but I don't wear shoes that click so I don't know why I bothered [07:49 PM] Wack'd: Hey so remember that girl at the racetrack Johnny turned down because he was nostalgic for Crystal? Well he's cool now and they're goin out

[07:49 PM] Bocaj: I can see how she won him over. "I've got a jacuzzi at my place" "You **DO**--?" [07:50 PM] Wack'd: Anyway Lorrie is coming over to meet the family so Johnny must be serious about her [07:51 PM] Wack'd: Unfortunately for him Reed just made a last-minute doctor's appointment for Franklin to use his neurologist friend's machine to peek at his mind [07:51 PM] Bocaj: Uh [07:51 PM] Bocaj: Sure [07:52 PM] Umbramatic: wha [07:52 PM] maxwellelvis: I smell wacky sitc-oh [07:52 PM] Wack'd: Sue is like "springing this on Franklin might make him freak out" and Reed, is...a good parent? [07:52 PM] maxwellelvis: Alert the Times [07:52 PM] Wack'd: He's like "hey, why don't we just be straight with Franklin and ask him if this is something he's okay with" [07:53 PM] Bocaj: Hello, The Times? This is your cousin, Marty. Do you know that headline you were looking for? Well listen to THIS [07:53 PM] Wack'd: And Franklin's like "yeah okay that sounds like a good idea, I also want to make sure I know how not to hurt people" [07:53 PM] Wack'd: A smart kid [07:54 PM] Umbramatic: this is going suspiciously well [07:55 PM] Wack'd: Hey, Ben. Buddy. Stop it

[07:55 PM] Bocaj: aw ben c'mon [07:56 PM] Wack'd: Thankfully he quickly regains his composure [07:56 PM] maxwellelvis: Before he drools so much he could be mistaken for Niagara Falls [07:57 PM] Wack'd: Anyway Reed's like "hey why doesn't everyone come with us to get Franklin's head checked out" for. Some reason [07:58 PM] Wack'd: Lorrie's a gearhead so she's into the idea of hanging around and riding in the Fantasticar [07:58 PM] Wack'd: BEN C'MON

[08:01 PM] Wack'd: Anyway, turns out the guy running Franklin's tests is one of Reed and Ben's old college professors. He is not a fan of Ben's attitude [08:03 PM] Wack'd: So Franklin's tests begin! They start with card guessing. Franklin's not great at it [08:04 PM] Bocaj: Do neurologists usually test ESP [08:04 PM] Wack'd: The professor points out that if Franklin's powers come at moments of stress it's likely that he's simply not got them turned on right now, chemically speaking [08:05 PM] Wack'd: Reed's like "we're not traumatizing my kid for science" and the professor's like "well no, obviously not, but we might be able to do something else to create that chemical reaction in his brain as needed" [08:05 PM] maxwellelvis: "You're not drugging my kid for science" [08:05 PM] Wack'd: Oh no, nothing so mundane [08:06 PM] maxwellelvis: You have me on tenterhooks. [08:06 PM] Umbramatic: oh no [08:07 PM] Wack'd: So what the scientist actually says is "we might be able to help Franklin achieve a state of such zen that he can manipulate his own brain chemicals." But the pictures tell...a different story

[08:07 PM] Bocaj: Garnet shoves the doctor aside. "Here comes a thought" [08:08 PM] Umbramatic: eeep [08:08 PM] maxwellelvis: "In such a state, one could walk on hot coals, sleep on a bed of spikes, and get a shot from the doctor without being scared or even needing a lollipop!" [08:08 PM] Wack'd: He's having his blood pressure taken actually [08:09 PM] maxwellelvis: Mine's funnier [08:09 PM] Wack'd: Anyway a quick google reveals that biofeedback is a real thing insofar as it's something that didn't originate in this comic [08:10 PM] Wack'd: It's apparently really good for stopping urinary incontinence in people with vaginas, and okay in dealing with some mental disorders, but doesn't work for much else [08:11 PM] Bocaj: Neurologist: "So we can't prove for sure it doesn't work for superpowers HUH??" [08:11 PM] Wack'd: Forty years have passed and most scientific studies on it are comparatively recent [08:12 PM] Phantom: and none on superpowers :P? [08:12 PM] Wack'd: So at a guess this was basically a health trend for the sort of folks who these days think LaCroix is a health treatment [08:12 PM] Phantom: probably [08:13 PM] Wack'd: The LaCroix comparison might be way too generous, we're in Sawbones territory now

[08:14 PM] Bocaj: Eesh [08:14 PM] Wack'd: Anyway Mr. "With Enough Mindfulness You Can Cure Cancer" decides to try hypnosis therapy on Franklin [08:14 PM] maxwellelvis: "You're not a real doctor, are you?" [08:15 PM] Wack'd: This man's classes were part of Reed's doctorate program [08:16 PM] Wack'd: Johnny and Lorrie meanwhile decide to go on a date and do the Superman thing

[08:17 PM] Wack'd: Freddie Mercury: You've made a powerful enemy this day, Human Torch

[08:19 PM] Wack'd: Franco Mercury challenges Johnny to a game of chicken in his portion of the Fantasticar [08:19 PM] Wack'd: Interspersed with Franklin finally getting in the machine [08:20 PM] Wack'd: I feel like there's supposed to be some kinda causal link but I have no idea what on Earth it might be

[08:20 PM] Wack'd:

[08:20 PM] Bocaj: Franklin was Johnny all along? [08:21 PM] Wack'd: So Franklin's brain vomited some "psychic ectoplasm" [08:21 PM] Bocaj: Wow this guy is dipping into every bit of paranormal bric a brac [08:21 PM] Bocaj: Are we sure his degree is real [08:22 PM] maxwellelvis: Are we sure Reed wasn't also classmates with Ray or Egon? [08:22 PM] Umbramatic: his degree is in "quackology" [08:22 PM] Wack'd: The true identity of the narrator of The Amazing World of Ghosts [08:22 PM] Bocaj: Do Reed Mi Egon [08:23 PM] Wack'd: ...what

[08:24 PM] Wack'd: Franklin...vomited his brain into this guy? And...and now Franklin's Franco? [08:26 PM] Umbramatic: Franklin Meurcury [08:26 PM] Wack'd: Boy, science is really taking some kinda beating this issue

[08:27 PM] Bocaj: Uhhhhhhhhhh [08:27 PM] Bocaj: Franklin is too powerful for his angsts to be doing this [08:27 PM] Umbramatic: science: "i love the young people" [08:28 PM] Bocaj: I EAT KIDS [08:28 PM] Wack'd: Yay Sue! Also not sure how I feel about this new invisibility effect

[08:29 PM] maxwellelvis: Feels more like showing off. [08:29 PM] maxwellelvis: Or at least, the sort of effect that really should have waited until digital inking was more viable. [08:29 PM] Bocaj: The invisibility is not very not visible [08:30 PM] maxwellelvis: "Due to a compatibility issue with Windows 95 graphics cards, the Invisible Woman is now extra-visible. To keep things fair, please close your eyes when fighting her." [08:31 PM] Wack'd: "It's not that I don't trust you, Abe. It's that all your theories are dangerous quackery and also you nearly got my son killed"

[08:33 PM] maxwellelvis: (That's not some weird non-sequitor, I'm paraphrasing the manual for Doom's Windows 95 port there; with some Windows-compatible graphics cards, there was a weird bug that made invisible enemies like Spectres less than invisible. The manual joked that you should make things more fair by closing your eyes if you encounters this bug.) [08:34 PM] Wack'd: Letters letters letters! [08:34 PM] Wack'd: ...i think i hate letters now

[08:36 PM] InbarFink: Letter pages are just glorified youtube comments [08:36 PM] Bocaj: Eesh [08:37 PM] Bocaj: Around this same time ish there were letters in the avengers comics complaining wasp is too weak and ineffectual and the response said they’d work on it [08:37 PM] Bocaj: So it’s not universal among fans at this time at least [08:38 PM] Wack'd: I'm just like [08:38 PM] Wack'd: The one time I can remember you print letters from ladies [08:39 PM] Wack'd: This is what you go with? [08:40 PM] Bocaj: Yeah it sucks [08:40 PM] InbarFink: would it be conspiratorial to sugget they got a LOT of letters about it and most of them were from dudes and they just picked the two with lady names on them [08:40 PM] Bocaj: No it wouldn’t [08:41 PM] Wack'd: I mean if that is true [08:41 PM] Wack'd: Good on them for not printing male misogynists? [08:41 PM] Wack'd: But just because a point of view comes from a woman doesn't make it worth your time [08:42 PM] Wack'd: Letters like "Murder your female lead" and "I prefer when she was hysterical submissive crying and helpless" are ones you can safely ignore no matter who they come from [08:42 PM] Bocaj: Yeah [08:43 PM] Bocaj: I wish unlimited was more consistent on whether they include the letters page [08:43 PM] Bocaj: It’s interesting to me [08:43 PM] Wack'd: Same [08:43 PM] maxwellelvis: "I'm not saying I WANT her to be killed, but I don't like her saving the day and that she should get beat up more" [08:43 PM] Wack'd: Hart literally says she wants Sandman to murder her! [08:44 PM] Bocaj: Wait until Ultimate hart, ya weirdo [08:44 PM] Wack'd: Alright let's move on. The current direction, whatever it ends up being, is only going to end up mattering for another three issues anyway [08:45 PM] Bocaj: Can’t wait for you to experience Byrne so I can also vicariously

#1981 #Doug Moench #Bill Sienkiewicz #The Main Book

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heartfeltheart · 4 years

Text

Alchemy: Magic Vs. Science

Chapters: 22/25 Fandom: Fullmetal Alchemist/Harry Potter Rating: T Relationships: Edward/Winry, Lan Fan/Ling, and May/Alphonse. Primary Characters: Edward Elric, Severus Snape Additional Tags: Crossover, Teacher!Edward, BrOtp Edward/Severus. Sassy beyond measure. Series: Part 1 of 9. Summary: Magic and Science, are they the same or are they completely different? It just takes one person to point out all up and downs. Along with breaking the stereotypes that come up with being a wizard, alchemist and most of all being human. Thank you, @amynchan! D/C: I do not own Harry Potter or Fullmetal Alchemist. Discord: La Red(Mesh Mash of… stuff.): https://discord.gg/KYjmVAb Alchemy Series: https://discord.gg/DejEYNJ

“English and Edward’s accented voice.” “Amestrian or another foreign language.” “Written notes.” ‘Thoughts.’ First Name: Informal Last Name: Formal (Or used to annoy others)

"Is he okay?"

"He's been like this for the past half month."

"I'm sure he's fine, could be that Professor Severus pulled a prank on him."

"No, impossible. Professor Flitwick was probably the one that pulled the prank on him."

"Even so, Mr. Elric never spent this much time complaining about it. He would get even."

A chorus of agreement ran through the Friday Alchemy class. Which counted being all thirteen students that are studying said subject. For the past half month, they had taken note at how their teacher has been moping around and grumbling under his breath in Amestrian. Whatever the reason for his behavior, it has to be something big.

Edward ran a hand over his face, mentally preparing himself what he is about to say to his class. He was about to announce something to them that will surely spread like wildfire. Even if he was not going to tell them, the old man was going to announce it to the school any other way. The main difference between what he and the Headmaster are that Edward is providing more detail on the matter. "Settle down everyone. I have an announcement."

Once everyone sat in their proper seats and giving the Golden Blonde their full attention, the announcement was made.

"Next week, the Emperor of Xing will be visiting along with a group of Amestris. The Mustang Unit, most of you already know... The reasons for them coming to Hogwarts has to do with politics and other random things that do not concern any of you for now. Emperor Ling main reason to come here is to see how magic works, the id... he is planning on creating a magical in Xing for his country. Don't be surprised if you see him wondering around once he gets them."

"What about the Mustang Unit, Mr. Elric?"

"Continuing negotiations with the Ministry of Idiots, I mean Magic... Plus, Xing and Amestris are in friendly terms. Plus... General Mustang, Doctor Marcoh, my brother, a Princess from Xing and a Mr. Scar will be giving the school a performance in alchemy..."

"They are going to perform Alchemy to the entire school?"

"Why everyone? No one else is learning alchemy but us."

"That's the problem, do you remember how many took the exam? How many of us passed? How many are there left at this point? People are degrading Alchemy for the fact at how Mr. Elric is presenting it. To get more people into it, there has to be some sort of show to get noticed."

"Exactly. That's it!"

"Or they are just coming to degrade Mr. Elric."

"That's a possibility too."

Edward slowly blinked at his class, he couldn't help but shake his head. They were coming up their own theories onto why his friends are coming to Hogwarts. Let thing think and wonder why they are coming. They'll see once they arrive.

-.-

Once Dumbledore announced the fact that an Emperor of far east is coming to Hogwarts. On top of that, a delegation will be coming from Amestris to act as a type of go-between for the Emperor and Ministry of Magic. What really got everyone's attention is the fact Mr. Elric is in charge of taking care of them once they arrive. It came into light that Mr. Elric is very deep connections to both countries to the point he could wave off the fact he knows an Emperor... by a first name base.

Nope. The Alchemy teacher is actually dreading the date that is quickly approaching for the fact he does not want any of them to come. He just does not like any of them in general, something about corrupting his students and taking them away from him.

-.-

"Oooooooohhhhhh! Aaaaaahhhhhhhhh! What is thaaaaaaaaaaaaat?" Emperor Ling Yao jumped all over the Headmaster's office, his expression completely transfixed at everything in the room. It was just so whimsical! He wants it all. The group he came with either shakes their heads at his antics, failing at trying to hide their smiles or just ignoring what he was doing. His group is comprised of Unofficial-Official Advisor/Bodyguard/Future brother-in-law Alphonse Elric, younger sister/princess of Xing/bodyguard/advisor Mei Chang, and the final one the Emperor's bodyguard/unofficial advisor Lan Fan. "Lan Fan! Look at it! It's so beautiful..."

Ling's attention is fully focused on Fawkes, the Phoenix seemed to enjoy the attention. The Phoenix took in the attention he was receiving from the Emperor of Xing.

The other occupants in the room are Dumbledore, the four Heads, the Minister of Magic Millicent Bagnold, along with other government officials and a couple of Aurors. They were either talking among themselves or paying close attention to the fireplace in the office. They are still waiting for the Amestrian diplomats or as Mr. Edward Elric calls them, Mustang Unit. The moment came to be when the fireplace grew and the flames changed color signifying the short arrival of the group.

Thump.

Curse.

Grumble.

Bigger thump.

Squeak.

Pain in general.

Several individuals dressed in blue uniforms fall out of the fireplace, piling one on top of another. The ministry officials and Aurors recognized said pile to be the same group of people that visited the Magical World previously. The only one that did not end up in the pile is Captain Hawkeye, she simply strode out of the fireplace and shaking her head at her team's antics. After her is a man dressed like a monk, a man dressed in a cloak with a hood that hide his entire face, and finally came out is Edward Elric himself.

The Alchemy teacher looked down at the pile with a snort, he grinned when he realized who is on the bottom of the dog-pile. He said something in Amestrian that sounded an insult that resulted with a grumble from underneath the pile.

"Is this everyone, Mr. Elric?" Dumbledore asked the young man, interrupting him from his possible argument slash fight.

"This is everyone that is supposed to come. Hope none of you mind I invited Dr. Tim Marcoh and uh... Jugemu-jugemu Gokōnosurikire Kaijarisuigyo-no Suigyōmatsu Unraimatsu Fūraimatsu Kūnerutokoroni-sumutokoro Yaburakōjino-burakōji Paipopaipo-paiponoshūringan Shūringanno-gūrindai Gūrindaino-ponpokopīno-ponpokonāno Chōkyūmeino-chōsuke... Scar for short." Everyone that did not know the man's name, sweat dropped. That was one hell of a long name and for it to be shortened to Scar? Well... could be for the fact the man has a scar on his face.

"I can't feel my face..."

-.-

General Roy Mustang is a shallow and self-absorbed man. An aura of selfish and narcissistic surrounds him and every word he speaks. Acts just as immature as Colonel Edward Elric. Pushes off most of his work to his Captain, Captain Riza Hawkeye, whom he flirts with every moment he has. (It seems to be one-sided...)

Captain Riza Hawkeye, quiet and collected, serious but courteous. Disciplined and rational, keeps her colleagues on track. Strict, rigid and puts fear into everyone that works with her. It notes her aliases, 'The Hawk's Eye' is just putting it lightly to her talents in marksmanship with her muggle weapon.

Captain Vato Falman remarkable memory.

Second Lieutenant Jean Havoc laid back...

Second Lieutenant Heymans Breda an imbecile.

Sergeant Major Kain Fuery weakest link...

Emperor Ling Yao is a right down childish, idiotic ruler by far we have ever encountered. Extremely easygoing and trust people far too easily, the only problem is his advisors and bodyguards.

Masked Bodyguard #1 keeps to the shadows or right by the Emperor's side at all times. A porcelain mask keeping their identity a secret and it appears they are acting as an advisor or secret keeper to the young Emperor.

Mei Chan is the seventeenth royal princess of Xing, younger sister of the current Emperor. It is noted by Colonel Edward Elric, General Roy Mustang and Emperor Ling Yao that she has a mastery in Alkahestry that rivals in terms of Alchemy. (Turn to page 5 to see what Alkahestry is.) She is currently teaching Alphonse Elric Alkahestry, continuing her mastery of the subject.

Alphonse Elric, younger brother of Colonel Edward Elric by just a year. It is heavily applied by Colonel Elric that they are on par in their Alchemy skills and helps with the Alchemy Curriculum. Something else worth noting is that he is far nicer than his older brother...

Tim Marcoh, a doctor.

.... Scar, a monk.

Dolores Umbridge rechecked her notes she created on the foreigners that arrived at Hogwarts. She is going to need every bit of information in order to go head to head to any of them. The only thing she ends up doing is adding more and more to her notes or revising them. The longer she spends her time with both groups, the Ministry Official wonders about the sanity of everyone. Her every attempt to question any of them are met with far too kind smiles or complete disinterest.

Every turn that was attempted to gain a favor for the Ministry, ended up backfiring. Speaking to the Emperor is like talking to a very, very...very... immature child. The only times he even speaks English is to ask random questions that did not pertain to anything to the negotiations. The only time he got serious is when he speaks to Mr. Alphonse Elric or General Mustang. The former of the two would translate everything for him and Dolores swore... the youngest of the two Elric's is the secret to securing Xing. Now if she could have the Amestrian's to stop blocking her way to him.

"Ugh... why did they bring the pink horror?" Edward grumbled under his breath, just loud enough for Ling, Roy, and Alphonse to hear him. The former of the two men snickered at his set of words, neither of them was fond of the walking pick terror. They would comment on how she looks like a toad, but that would be an insult to their friends that are chimeras. So, they are sticking towards a theme of her hideous wardrobe and sickly sweet words that makes them want to vomit. Oh, how people will act to gain a favor...

"Edward...Big Brother... be nice." Alphonse said warningly, all the while he had a smile on his face.

"Meh... you weren't there the first time I meet that... thing!" Edward pulled a face when he remembered the first time he first saw Ms. Dolores Umbridge. That isn't a pleasant memory to remember. "A warning Al, she wants to know about your exact connection to the Military."

Alphonse's nose scrunched up at his brother's words. Of course, people would want to know about his connection to the Amestrian Military. In Amestris and the Military itself knows that his only connection is his brother who is a State Alchemist. In Xing, it is more or less but that is less and less as time goes by. He made it a point that his only connection to the Military is his friends in said group and his brother. It doesn't control him or give him orders, hypnotically speaking. They could ask him or mention something here and there, but not order him as they do to Edward. "Now they are going to ask my connection to Xing."

"And what exactly are you going to say about that?"

Roy and Edward looked at Alphonse expectantly, waiting for an answer. Luckily for Alphonse, Ling answer it for him. Ling swung an air around Alphonse's shoulder and gave Roy and Edward a closed eye smile. "He's my advisor, bodyguard, future brother-in-law, confidant, best fri-"

"Wait..."

"What?"

Edward and Roy stopped walking and faced Ling and Alphonse. This caused everyone around to also stop walking and glance over at the scene before them. It appeared whatever the Emperor of Xing is informing General Roy Mustang and Colonel Edward Elric are giving them mini heart attacks and looks of complete shock. It didn't help how the younger Elric brother is trying to pull away from the Emperor.

"Marriage!"

"I feel so old!"

"Please let go of me..."

"Once Alphonse marries Mei, you and I are going to be brothers, Edward! Isn't that great!"

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

Everyone stopped walking at this point and turned their attention to the eldest Elric brother. How said brother is now on his knees blubbering out words that no one could comprehend. It seemed to involved his younger brother and the Emperor of Xing. The only one that appeared not at all surprised by such behavior is Severus. He actually walked over and smacked Edward upside his head. "Behave."

Edward stopped his blubbering and glared at Severus. "You do not understand what is happening... In a couple of years... I will be related to this idiot. My brother is going to marry one of his sisters..."

By this point, Alphonse to make himself smaller and inch away from the upcoming questioning stares. Mei, on the other hand, is blushing heavily but made no way of moving from her spot. She has many sisters and Edward made no mention she is said sister.

"Alphonse is marrying a princess and Edward marrying his childhood sweetheart... You have to step up your game, Boss." Jean sniggered at Roy's look of astonishment and deep realization of several aspects of his life. "They're beating you to the punchline."

"I'm actually surprised Fullmetal did not attack tall, dark and creepy."

-.-

"Have you seen the visitors?"

"Yeah! The so-called Emperor of Ping? What a bloody joke!"

"He's a complete idiot!"

"Shhhh! Didn't you guys know? He has a guard that blends into the shadows and could pop out of nowhere!"

"Naw, that can't be true."

"Don't believe me, ask the Weasley Twins. They're still recovering from that prank they did on the Emperor of Xing?"

"Wait... is that why they are in the Medical Wing?"

"Yes, I was there when it happened."

".... Whoa..."

"I know..."

-.-

"He's so handsome!"

"His smile..."

"How is he even related to Mr. Elric?"

"I know! They act nothing alike!"

"They do have the same eye and hair color..."

"That's where the similarities end."

"I heard he's engaged..."

"WHAT!"

"NOO!"

"Why is it all the good ones are always taken!"

-.-

"She's is... Amazing."

"Adorable even."

"If only we could understand what she is saying."

"That only makes it even better."

"Everyone... She has a bodyguard."

"I thought only the Emperor had a bodyguard."

"The princess has a tiny rat bear cat thing, the demon thing bits or scratches anyone that comes their way."

-.-

"He looks like a potions accident gone horribly wrong, don't they have any sort of healers where they are from?"

"He looks terrifying..."

"Hah! He looks like a freak!"

"True! Hahaha!"

"Hey! Shut up! Don't talk about Dr. Marcoh like that!"

"Yeah, what are you going to do about it, Hufflepuff?"

"Oh I show you, you damn Gryffindor!"

-.-

Let it be noted... All of this occurred in the span of two days...

Permanent Tag List:

@runestarchild @princesskitomi @fanfictionpromptsblog @souleateralicestein @vixen-uchiha @okami-knight @legendaryneckjudgestudent @weird-homosapien @justafanwarrior @vivilakitty @ravennightingaleandavatempus @if-you-give-a-chat-a-cookie @moonwatcher04 @darkshadowguardian @two-faced-biatch @kris-pines04 @mewwitch @edwardhatori @kuroko26 @tall-and-angry @bloody-no-kissu @crazylittlemunchkin @tbehartoo @worlds-tiniest-spook-pastry @melicmusicmagic

#Alchemy Series #Magic vs Science #Chapter 22 #Hp/FMA #FMAB #HP #HP/FMAB #AU #Crossover

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toomuchtimenerd · 4 years

Text

Review for ‘A Curse So Dark and Lonely’ by Brigid Kemmerer

Aaaand here’s yet another popular retelling of ‘Beauty and the Beast’. So something to know about me - I LOVE fairy tale retellings. I grew up on a lot of fairy tales, lots of Disney princess movies (most of which are based off fairy tales or in the case of Mulan, a ballad/folk legend). I’m pretty sure growing up I had this giant anthology of a bunch of old European fairy tales that had been adapted for children’s reading. I’m pretty sure my love for magic, fantasy, and all kinds of other-worldly things stems from how much I read and re-read everything in that kid’s anthology as an eight year old or something. Nowadays, I am on the lookout for anthologies with adaptations of folk lore from other cultures. Hopefully I will soon find some that seem promising.

So A Curse So Dark and Lonely is, interestingly, not a stand-alone and its sequel came out earlier this month. I opted to stop after the first book and not pick up the sequel, for reasons that I will divulge in later. A Curse, like The Cruel Prince, has incredibly favorable reviews on Goodreads, and for good reason really. It’s just unfortunate that neither of these two books quite hit the spot for me. Perhaps in the future I will pick up the sequel for A Curse, but with the third book planned for a late 2021 release I probably will not be reading A Curse So Fierce and Broken anytime soon. Something already tells me that I may have to put recreational reading on the back burner for an extended period of time once again when I go back to school. Sadface

A Curse So Dark and Lonely loosely follows the widely known story line for ‘Beauty and the Beast’, with notable changes in that the main character (Harper) has cerebral palsy and is transported from our non-magical contemporary world to the magical kingdom of Emberfall. Our Prince Rhen does not adopt the appearance of a beast 24/7, but rather transforms into one at the end of the repeating autumn season. In his transformed state, he has a penchant for violence and generally does not retain any sense of mind or humanity. When he yet again fails to win a woman’s love, the season will restart to the day of his 18th birthday and he will have to try again with a new woman. Rhen is accompanied only by the sole survivor of his first transformation, a royal guard named Grey. Grey was given the power to go to Harper’s world and take a woman to bring back to Emberfall for Rhen to court. This entire curse was brought down by an enchantress named Lilith, who apparently exists only to torture everyone’s existence. Harper wasn’t originally chosen by Grey, but Harper witnessed Grey “abducting” an unconscious woman and chose to interfere, which leads to her transportation into Emberfall.

So let’s talk about the obvious; the representation of disabled peoples in this book via our protagonist Harper. She has cerebral palsy, and this is made very clear within the first chapter of the book. Props to the author for not OVER-emphasizing Harper’s disability, though. I love representation, and I believe in the power of representation, but I’m not a fan of when representation goes too far and it becomes the sole definition of a character’s existence. It comes off as lazy writing when a character brings no substance or value aside from the fact that they represent some kind of minority group. However, this isn’t the case here and I think Kemmerer did a wonderful job of blending Harper’s cerebral palsy into the background, yet not enough for the reader to completely forget that she is living with a disability. There are times when Harper is in a lot of pain and isn’t able to do certain things as easily as other people can, but her perseverance/grit/determination shows us that she is still just like any other human being trying to get by. She doesn’t view herself as a victim of her disability either, it’s just something she was born with and has learned to live with. It is a part of her, and even if she doesn’t like it she has learned to accept it as a part of her. I think Kemmerer sends a beautiful message in portraying Harper’s attitude with her cerebral palsy: there is no need to feel victimized by one’s disability, and there is no need to hate oneself for it either.

Outside of Harper’s disability, she is a very standard YA fantasy heroine - hardworking, passionate, cautious, determined, guarded. Is it bad that I’m getting a little bit tired of this character trope? I kind of want to see a heroine who isn’t so perfect, and I kind of want to see someone who is a little whiny or bratty at first but then grows from their hardships and experiences. Harper, like many YA fantasy heroines, just seems to start out incredibly likable (or maybe too likable) with the perfect package of personality traits. Now I’m not necessarily complaining about this, but I definitely would’ve liked to see a little more substance from Harper outside of just “I need to find a way to get home and I’m going to keep rebelling until I do”. Obviously this wasn’t her as a character the ENTIRE book, but it definitely was more or less the only thing passing through her mind for maybe the first 40% of the book. Another issue I took with her (or maybe not even her as a character, maybe it’s an issue I have with the book itself) is her wishywashy-ness in regards to her feelings. For pretty much the entire book up until Grey takes her home, Harper at best only deeply cares about and respects Rhen. But in the last 20% of the book when Grey takes her back to Emberfall to face the transformed Rhen, Harper suddenly proclaims her love for him and is willing to pretty much give herself up to Lilith to spare Rhen and Grey. That’s a huge change in emotions, and according to the book timeline this change of feelings happens over the course of like... 36 hours or something. And then the book ends on a MASSIVE ambiguity over whether the curse was broken because Harper truly loved Rhen, or if it was because Grey had succeeded in killing Lilith. So, we went from “I deeply care for you and I find comfort in your company” to “I would DIE for you” to “did the curse break because I love you? Idk” over the course of like... 3-4 chapters? Uhhhhh. Yeah I’ve got questions.

Now I know this review is coming off as pretty negative, and not gonna lie I don’t think I was a big fan of this retelling but I certainly don’t think it was bad either. Rhen’s character development was so captivating and surprising because most YA authors generally don’t pay much attention into developing the male lead as much as the heroine. In all honesty, Harper began pretty perfect with very little room for growth so she her character progression just seemed to stagnate to me. But Rhen starts off as a meh character who didn’t seem to learn all that much from his countless failures of wooing women during his cursed time and progresses into a very selfless leader (re: true KING). He goes from isolating himself in his castle while trying to break the curse to nearly ignoring the curse so he could focus on protecting and caring for his people. I guess it’s pretty obvious that I really liked Rhen as a character, and I personally think he deserves a lot better than that ending we got. It wasn’t a bad ending, and I think Kemmerer wanted to be original in creating a somewhat ambiguous ending. But as a hardcore romance junkie I think I may have a narrow scope of what my heart can tolerate for any retelling of ‘Beauty and the Beast’.

And finally, let’s talk about Grey. He’s not a POV character in this first book, but he’s in almost every single chapter and he plays a pretty big role. At the beginning I thought I was going to get a load of a love triangle, but thank GOD that wasn’t the case. I’m all for originality, but my mind will never be okay with a love triangle in ‘Beauty and the Beast’. It’s beauty and the fucking beast!! Not beauty and the beast featuring Ludacris!! Is it obvious that I don’t like love triangles to begin with? Yeah. Anyway, Grey is an interesting character. I kind of saw the epilogue coming, because for a side character Grey was too fleshed out and well developed (considering side characters rarely are, except for my one true love Despina from Wrath and the Dawn). But nevertheless, I quite enjoyed Grey! In the beginning of the story I felt like he served almost as a foil to Rhen. They were quite the opposites in terms of personality, but they ultimately are working towards the same goal. Watching Grey’s relationship with Harper unfold on paper was also quite nice. Unlike Rhen, Grey starts off kinda antagonizing Harper (with good reason, considering their first encounter consisted of her attacking him). Rhen is kind and very elaborate in his words and manners with Harper, but Grey very much the opposite. He speaks simply, he’s a man of actions, and is mostly very detached from his emotions. I actually felt his character complimented Harper’s character quite well (considering her own emotional detachment), and I think this is what Kemmerer was going for anyway since Harper does actually warm up to Grey much quicker than she warms up to Rhen.

Some last thoughts to wrap it up - while I understand that Kemmerer wanted to bridge the gap between this book and its sequel, I felt that she pulled WAY too much of the spotlight from Rhen/Harper and onto Grey. The ending between Rhen/Harper felt incredibly rushed, and again I just don’t think I like the ambiguity over what actually broke the curse. I was thinking about giving A Curse So Dark and Lonely a 4-star rating for most of the book up until the end, and now I’m thinking it’s more like a 3.5 star from me. The last couple of chapters were heavily action-packed, and Kemmerer’s way of tying up the lose strings (pushing the foreign army out of Emberfall) was very creative. But the ending following all of that action was just so... bland and unexciting. It was like dumping a large tub of water on a small campfire that was just starting to grow warm. I like Grey as character, but not enough to want to read the sequel where he stars as a POV just yet.

#a curse so dark and lonely #cursebreakers #ya fiction #ya fantasy #brigid kemmerer #book review #beauty and the beast #retelling

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bluerosesburnblue · 5 years

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GOD THANK YOU. I’m so tired of people hating on Sword and Shield when we no zip. I understand being upset you can’t take your Pokemon over (I know I’d be worried if my fav wasn’t a guarantee and even now I’m nervous about some Pokemon I really love not being there) but holy shit that’s not a reason to be calling game devs lazy oh my god.

I think the worst part is that if you know anything about game development, then you know it’s probably not laziness, too. There’s a post I’m gonna reblog at about the same time as this explaining why, at some point, they were going to have to cut Pokemon from the game. Right now there’s 809 Pokemon. If you include new Pokemon currently revealed for SwSh (and add in six more for predicted evolutions for the starters) then that bumps us up to 830 individual Pokemon. But that’s not 830 different models. We have to account for gender and form differences, too, which could be anything from a new texture to an entirely new model for quite a few Pokemon!

There’s a reason that the number of new Pokemon each generation has been less than 100 since they made the jump to 3D. It’s difficult and costly to make and implement that many 3D models. Either they were going to have to keep releasing less and less Pokemon every game (which limits creativity and freshness of gameplay) or just flat out cut things

And then there’s just development stuff that people aren’t aware of. “They future-proofed the models!” They made very high poly models with the intent of using them in future games, yes. That’s why Sun/Moon/Ultra Sun/Ultra Moon lag extremely hard in Double Battles. But there’s A. No guarantee that the models were 100% compatible with the Switch’s hardware and didn’t have to be heavily edited to be used and B. No guarantee that they didn’t have to be retextured. Which they have been. The Switch has a wider color range and different shaders than the 3DS, and it’s very apparent in the trailers that SwSh intends to make use of that

Also, GameFreak... doesn’t make the Pokemon models. They’re outsourced to Creatures, Inc. Which is just another layer of bureaucratic red tape slowing down game production. It may not have even been GameFreak’s call, but rather something they were forced into conceding to due to complaints from Creatures, Inc. and their own programmers having difficulty balancing the gameplay around so many creatures

Like, I get it. I have a lot of dumb favorites that probably won’t make it in. I’m almost certain that the Ultra Beasts are going to be cut, which sucks because I’m a big fan of Kartana and would love some more development of Ultra Space lore (biggest missed opportunity in USUM, honestly)

But right now we just don’t know all that much about the game, and I’ve really liked what I’ve seen do far. The idea of making Pokemon Battles in this region a huge sports tournament is really fun for worlbuilding, aesthetic, and gameplay! I LOVE how all of the Gym Leaders are wearing sports uniforms. The emphasis on family is back from SuMo with Leon/Hop and Magnolia/Sonia and I’m really excited to see where those storylines go. The cities are gorgeous. I don’t mind Dynamaxing because they’re using it in fun ways, like stadium battles and raids. Speaking of raids, they streamlined the multiplayer stuff so well! We haven’t actually seen what camping entails yet, but it sounds interesting. And the game is so colorful and bouncy and you can tell that they really invested a lot of detail work into the environments to really make the aesthetic work (all of the text is readable in their own, made-up alphabet! There’s cute advertisements everywhere!) Like, there’s so much going right with the design of this game (and before people get on my case, design and modeling are different things)

When I saw the Let’s Go games get announced, I went “those don’t look like games I’m particularly interested in, but I hope some people have fun playing them and fall in love with Pokemon through them!” Let’s Go takes place in Kanto only includes Kanto Pokemon and their Alolan forms. I don’t have any particular nostalgia for the Kanto Pokemon or the region (tbh, I find both of them to be the most boring in the franchise), but like... a lot of people either really love Kanto or are newcomers who don’t have a frame of reference for anything else. Or are old anime fans who never played a game. The gameplay is based on Go, which I’ve never played and was never interested in. And honestly, I’m kinda sick of seeing Kanto and Kanto Pokemon in everything. But you never saw me bashing Let’s Go, or telling people they weren’t allowed to like or be excited for the game. I recognized that the games didn’t appeal to me, didn’t buy them, and stepped back and let other people enjoy

In fact, there’s a lot of things about Let’s Go that I actually like! I’m a big fan of the updated Gym Leader outfits and gyms. I think that a lot of the environment work is very well done, especially all of the neat little posters everywhere! The addition of cutscenes like with the Marowak ghost and encountering Legendaries are all very nice little additions. And the partner Pokemon are just so cute when you pet them!

People are just so hung up on demanding more while knowing even less. They’re acting like because they’re fans, they have to buy the games even though they don’t want them. The Pokemon Company makes decisions based on budget, time, cost-benefit, etc. calculations that they have internally that we’re not privy to. (Also, The Pokemon Company, GameFreak, and Creatures, Inc. aren’t the same thing and I imagine that quite a few decisions that people find “questionable” were made as compromises between all three to keep things running smoothly)

The games aren’t immune to critique, but critique is more than just criticizing. Critique is being able to pick out the things that work, the things that don’t, and the possible ways that things can be improved. And even then, sometimes your ideas for how things could be improved just aren’t workable solutions. The people complaining need to stop letting the mob mentality hate train control them, stop acting like they’re owed anything as consumers because again, they haven’t actually consumed anything except advertisements yet, and keep an open mind that development is much more complicated in practice than on paper

#liz's shenanigans #sorry i went off i just have so many thoughts about swsh #and very few people are saying the things i am #don't even get me started on the wingull 'animation' complaint from the treehouse at e3 #the issue isn't the animation it's that the animation doesn't fit the ai pathing applied to it #but i think i've gone on long enough for now #long post #disneydreamlights #liz answers

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haulix · 7 years

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Find Your Lantern: A conversation with 36 Crazyfists

You’ve probably heard it said that the best thing about music is the fact when it hits you feel no pain. While that may be true in certain circumstance, I don’t agree with the idea music exists to numb the sensation of pain. That idea infers that music is a temporary fix, serving as a kind of audio bandage over problem we are not yet able or ready to deal with, and that is rarely the truth. Most music, at least in my experience, is created to help understand and cope with pain. It’s not about avoiding the unavoidable, but rather confronting it head-on with open eyes and zero fear.

36 Crazyfists has spent nearly two decades working their way through the struggles of life with a unique brand of hard rock that has won over listeners from around the world. Their latest release, Lanterns, may be the best evidence of this to date. The record captures vocalist Brock Lindow’s journey from the death of his mother to the place where he finds himself today. Along the way Brock encountered divorce, as well as other setbacks, all of which he found a way to work through on this release.

We spoke with Brock by phone in the weeks leading up to Lanterns’ September 29 release date. In our conversation we discussed the creation of the album, touring new material, and learning to accept the inevitability of setbacks in life. You can read highlights from our conversation below.

HAULIX: So your tour with Devildriver is essentially the start of the promotion cycle for Lanterns, right?

Brock Lindow: Absolutely. We go from this tour, where we are direct support, to a headline run that carries us through the album release on September 29.

Are you the type of band to bring a lot of new material on the road, or has the new album not infiltrated the stage show just yet?

We are actually playing a lot of new stuff on this run. I think we’re playing 4 new songs on this run, in addition to six other tracks. I know that isn’t the traditional rollout for most artists, but it’s what we like to do. When we have new material to share with fans we get out there and share it. Even though people haven’t heard it we still go for it. We have so many damn songs anymore that balancing it all is difficult, but we try our best.

Is this approach to sharing new material new itself, or have you always been one to bring songs people might not know into the live show?

I don’t know about always, but we are not afraid to do it.

We have been talking to a lot of modern legacy acts as of late, yourself included. Lanterns will be your eighth album to date. When you reach your level, where you have long established your presence in music, it seems like your supporters begin looking to you for something different. They aren’t as concerned with a single song as much as the full album. They just want as much new material as you have to offer.

Yeah. I guess we have that same kind of mindset as well anymore. We don’t necessarily set out to write that one song that will change the world or making us millionaires overnight. Those kind of gran illusions have come and gone many, many years ago, if we ever had them at all. The people who have liked our band since day one are a huge part of why this band is still going, so we’re writing music for us and them. As far as hoping radio or televisions picks us up in concerned, we’re certainly not against it, but we also aren’t actively trying to pander to them. We’ve made our career by being true to ourselves and our supporters first. We might not be the biggest band on the planet, but we are guys who you can meet at the bar after the show to have a few drinks. Where we come from, it’s blue collar, and that’s just how people are. There are of course times when you’re in a bad mood and you don’t want to be in the mix of it all, but for the most part the reason we do this is to see and hang out with our community. If there is a beer or hug or handshake out there for us, we want it.

One of the things that has always fascinated me about your band is how you maintain that community while being based in Alaska. The amount of travel you put in really shows your dedication to the fans.

Thanks, man. I don’t want to leave home to hide in the van or the back of the club. I want to get out there and see people.

Speaking of Alaska, do you have a lot of opportunities to perform there? In my previous travel experience it has appeared as though there is not a large number of concerts coming through the area.

We have done some small Alaska runs. We even played Homer, one time, and it was definitely not the most hard rock place in the world. It was a bit more hippie/folk culture, which is honestly a lot of Alaska outside of Anchorage, but they’re all good places. Fairbanks is usually a good show, too. We’re trying to make a tradition out of playing certain places here, and hopefully we’ll make that happen.

I don’t think a lot of people can appreciate the kind of work that goes into concert promotion in Alaska if they haven’t been there. Unlike the lower 48, people have to make billboard, homemade signs, and generally do a lot more work to get the word out, or so it seems.

Yea, for sure. We don’t get too much of that stuff, so I think when we do you have to make it a major event.

When I was reading about the album I learned of the relationships struggles you went through during its creation. As someone who found themselves at the unexpected end of a serious relationship not long ago, I really connected to the feelings captured on this release. Can you talk a bit about tapping into that?

This is one of those things where I am happy you connect to the record, but at the same time it’s unfortunate those things had to happen to us. Everything that I have gone through in the last few years is not unique by any means. It is the same trials and tribulations people face all the time, which in a way made me unsure how deep I wanted to explore those topics on this release. I think there comes a point where you look at your body of work and you wonder if people think everything in your life is miserable because all you do is complain about the same things over and over. I used to feel that way about Staind. I love that band, but after a few records I started to wonder if there was anything good going on in their lives as well.

I actually had a very high brow idea for how to use some metaphors based on native culture to tie into my own journey, but I realized at one point that was going to take a lot more time. I talked to my girlfriend about whether or not I should write about all this and she told me I had to because otherwise I wouldn’t be able to get it out. She was absolutely right. Throughout our career writing has been how I dealt with stuff, so why now - when things are really hard - would I not do the thing that helps me?

I think you pulled it off in a way that does not make it seem like you’re the saddest guy in the world or that your hurting all the time. If anything, coming off the last record I always feel like your albums kind of serve as motivation to keep pushing forward toward better things. This album continues that to some extent, but it also recognizes that even if you feel things are going well that can - often through no fault of your own - get turned upside down when you least expect it.

You have to figure it out. No matter who you are or where you are, shit can turn on you in a moment’s notice. You have to find a way to work through it. Our band, this music, has been a vehicle for me to do that. When you’re around one another as long as we have been there is something about that connection that is special. Something I learned in recent years is how important those connections are, and how without them you’re really on your own. That’s not healthy. You can do it for as long as you want, but it will come out somehow - probably in a way you don’t want it to, like substance abuse. That was not an easy lesson for me to learn, but hopefully it can be for other because of what we’re putting out.

This seems like it ties into well with that Lanterns track “Dark Corners”.

Exactly. I want this material to be something that will encourage me to not retrace my steps. They are little reminders for me. I don’t go back to our old material that often, but when I need to I know they are there. I also haven’t forgotten about the instances that inspired the material, those little bumps in the road that got me to this point.

Being on the other side of the record, do you feel better having gotten these situations and your feelings toward them on tape?

No question about it. Absolutely. Even from the last record, where I wrote songs about losing my mom, was very helpful for me. The weight of this album is different. The last one was stuck in a time vault, but this one is more of a gradual progression out of that period in my life. I look more fondly on these songs just because that period was so bleak. It was hard to lose someone so supportive, especially when it’s your mom. Doing this record, it has definitely been more about the day to day struggle than a specific event or moment in time.

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#36 Crazyfists #Brock Landow #Metal #Interview #Lanterns

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emilyzh2019-blog · 5 years

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Tips For Renting A Car In Morocco

Morocco Driving Guide

Renting a car in Morocco and driving yourself is a great way to experience this beautiful country. But there are a few things you should know before you embark on a road trip.

When Anna and I were planning our first trip to Morocco together, we were initially hesitant about renting a car to explore the country by ourselves.

Morocco has a bit of a reputation for crazy driving (and drivers!).

But the more we researched, the more we realized renting a car in Morocco wouldn’t be as difficult as we thought, plus it would save us a lot of money.

We love the freedom of road trips and planning our own travel itineraries. Morocco is such a diverse country that it made sense to rent a car so we could stop anywhere exploring local villages, mountains, and deserts at our own pace.

Here are some important tips we learned from our experience renting a car in Morocco, to help you save money and stay safe while driving around the country!

What To Know Before Renting A Car In Morocco

Driving in Morocco was Awesome!

Should You Rent A Car In Morocco?

Hey, if you’re a fan of bus tours, by all means, go book one. It’s a decent way to see Morocco if you don’t have a lot of time.

No planning, no driving, just sit back and let someone else do all the work!

But if you’re like me, you prefer the challenge of independent travel.

True adventure, with no set schedule or timetable. Driving around Morocco with the freedom to stop anywhere fun you happen to find along the way.

If that’s the kind of traveler you are, renting a car in Morocco is the way to go!

Just keep in mind that driving times in Morocco can be longer then Google tells you. It helps if you have someone else to split the driving with.

Another nice thing about having a car was the ability to store things in the trunk, so you can explore cities with small daypacks rather than lugging around a giant backpack or suitcase.

Starting our Road Trip in Marrakesh

Where To Rent Your Car In Morocco

The best site to book your car is Discover Car Hire. They search both local and international car rental companies to help you find the best possible price. This is the easiest way to rent a car in Morocco.

We rented our car from the popular city of Marrakech, taking a Southern road trip route towards Ouarzazate before heading on to Merzouga and the Sahara desert.

From the desert we drove North to the blue city of Chefchaouen for a few days, finally ending in Fez where we dropped off the car and flew out of the country. However there are many different types of routes you can take.

Why Did the Camel Cross the Road?

Car Rental Insurance In Morocco

Some of the rumors about driving in Morocco are true, and people can drive crazy here. That’s why I highly recommend getting full insurance coverage.

Typically, rental cars in Morocco come with a basic Collision Damage Waiver (CDW), but this isn’t exactly insurance, and only covers the car for up to 10,000 dirhams ($1000 USD) worth of damage.

While you can often save money if you book your car with a credit card that includes car rental insurance, you REALLY need to read the fine print, because many people wrongly assume their card covers them in Morocco.

If you get in a wreck driving in Morocco, declined full coverage, and you suddenly learn your credit card doesn’t actually cover the damage — you’re screwed. I can’t tell you how many travel horror stories I’ve heard like this…

It’s why I usually pre-book full coverage online for about $9 a day. It’s cheaper than at the counter — and then you won’t have to worry about accidents at all!

Driving through the Moroccan Desert

How Much Does It Cost To Rent A Car In Morocco?

Renting a car in Morocco is going to cost you around $25-$40 USD a day, depending on the type of car you get. Our 4 door sedan was about $30 per day.

I recommend renting a car with an actual trunk (no hatchbacks) to hide your luggage from prying eyes. It helps prevent break-ins if thieves can’t see your stuff.

Gas (petrol) prices in Morocco might seem cheap to Americans, but remember that the rest of the world quotes gas in Liters, not Gallons (1 Gallon = 3.78 Liters).

Currently, gas costs about $4 per gallon in Morocco. Remember that diesel cars are often cheaper in gas consumption than regular gasoline too.

Age Requirements For Renting A Car

The minimum age for driving in Morocco is 18 years old, however most car rental companies enforce their own age limit of 21 years old to rent a car.

Stopping Anywhere is One of the Perks of Renting a Car

Moroccan Driving Laws Tourists Should Know

The speed limits in Morocco are generally 60 kph in urban areas and 120 kph on highways. Police speed traps are very common, so pay attention to your speed.

I was actually pulled over for speeding during our road trip outside Ouarzazate, but they let me go after paying a small “fine” (bribe?) of 150 dirhams (about $15 USD).

You might also encounter the occasional police roadblock, but often they just wave tourists through. Or they’ll simply ask you where you’re headed.

Moroccans drive on the right side of the road, just like in the United States. So you shouldn’t have any issues there (unless you’re British!).

International Driver’s License

No, you do not need an international driver’s license to drive in Morocco or rent a car there. Just bring your passport, credit card, and your driver’s license from your home country.

Switchbacks in the Atlas Mountains

Tips For Driving In Morocco

Learn how to navigate the roundabout! Morocco is full of roundabouts rather than stoplights, and if you’re new to them, you might piss off the locals or get in a fender-bender.

Road traffic in Morocco comes in all types, sizes, and species! Be prepared to dodge scooters, over-filled trucks, buses, bicycles, donkeys, sheep, camels, pedestrians, and more. It can be mayhem at times, especially in the cities.

Honking your horn in Morocco is a form of everyday communication. It means all sorts of things, not just “get out of my way!” Honk to thank people for letting you pass, or to encourage camels to cross the road. Don’t be afraid of your horn!

Avoid driving your rental car at night in Morocco. Street lighting is minimal, and road markings can be too. Not to mention people or animals suddenly appearing in the middle of the road.

Many Moroccans will use their turn signals to let you know when it’s safe to pass them. For example, a big slow moving truck going uphill. They’ll hit their blinkers when the road is clear ahead, so you don’t have to guess.

Driving in Morocco can be Hectic!

Advice For Renting A Car In Morocco

Don’t book a car without reading the company reviews. You’ll find plenty of bad reviews for every company (people love to complain online), but try to pick one with the LEAST bad reviews.

You may not always get the make/model/type of car you booked. If they give you a smaller car, or a manual when you asked for an automatic, be pushy and ask for an upgrade.

Beware of mysterious “cleaning fee” hidden charges. If it’s not in your contract, you don’t have to pay it.

English is not spoken widely. You’ll have an easier time if you speak some French or Arabic. Communication isn’t impossible, but be patient.

Inspect your car thoroughly and record video on your smartphone pointing out damage before you leave. This is a backup if they try to charge you for damage that was already there.

Pay special attention to the interior too. A common rental car scam is getting charged for “cigarette burns” on the seats — that they conveniently “forget” to mark on the original damage form.

Make sure your tank is full before you leave. Some car rental companies in Morocco will start you with an empty gas tank, forcing you to fill up immediately.

Use Google Maps on your smartphone for directions. Bring your own hands-free adapter and buy an Moroccan SIM card at the airport.

Enjoy Your Moroccan Road Trip!

Exploring the small villages, hidden canyons, colorful mountains, and vast deserts of Morocco in a rental car was definitely the right choice for us.

Self-drive road trips get off the beaten track to see things most people miss! ★

Check Car Rental Prices & Availability In Morocco

Packing Guide

Check out my travel gear guide to help you start packing for your trip. Pick up a travel backpack, camera gear, and other useful travel accessories.

Book Your Flight

Find cheap flights on Skyscanner. This is my favorite search engine to find deals on airlines. Also make sure to read how I find the cheapest flights.

Rent A Car

Discover Car Hire is a great site for comparing car prices to find the best deal. They search both local & international rental companies.

Book Accommodation

Booking.com is my favorite hotel search engine. Or rent apartments from locals on Airbnb. Read more about how I book cheap hotels online.

Protect Your Trip

Don’t forget travel insurance! I’m a big fan of World Nomads for short-term trips. Protect yourself from possible injury & theft abroad. Read more about why you should always carry travel insurance.

Recommended Guidebook: Lonely Planet Morocco Suggested Reading: In Arabian Nights

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