#geninely fucking. killing myself

[watermelonsloth]

Itachi and the Uchiha Massacre

This might be one of the most controversial posts I’ll ever make.

I find myself very undecided about how I feel about Itachi’s role in the Uchiha massacre. It fills me with the same moral indecision and disgust of the trauma olympics (aka the comparing of “who had it worse”). Every time I try to come to a consensus, I immediately doubt my conclusion and question whether I’m giving Itachi too much of the benefit of the doubt or I’m not taking his circumstances into account enough. It’s like asking if him being a child outweighs him killing children. And that makes me uncomfortable.

On the one hand, he did something very very very bad. He killed an entire clan of people, including who knows how many innocent civilians and children. He then proceeded to psychologically torture his seven year old brother with the memories of him doing so. Prior to being met with this specific conundrum, I would’ve said without hesitation that this is a black-and-white situation with Itachi being solidly in the wrong. Even if he wasn’t the only perpetrator, he still would deserve much of the blame for being one of the executors of such an abhorrent act.

I cannot stress enough how terrible the massacre would’ve been in practice.

However, and this is where I might lose a few of you, as more information is revealed, one question nags at my entire fucking central nervous system. How much of a choice did Itachi really have?

To understand the full circumstances, first you have to understand that the context falls under two categories: who Itachi is (and his perspective) and what position he was in when he made the decision he did. First, who he is:

Itachi grew up in a militaristic village that normalizes violence, especially violence being used to solve problems.

This village has also normalized putting the village’s survival over oneself and one’s friends/family.

He was alive to see the very end of the third shinobi war and the nine tails attack, two events that have solidified his belief that war is the worst thing ever and should be prevented at all costs.

Hiruzen, Danzo, Kakashi, and Shisui encourage his belief that war should be avoided at any and all costs. Three of them are authority figures (see the Milgram experiment for why that’s relevant) and one of them is his first and only best friend.

He is a very introverted and closed off person. He’s so closed off that not even his immediate family can read him. Because of this, his inner circle is very small (meaning he has a very small support network).

He grew up with a strict, authoritarian father and entered the anbu at a young age, meaning he grew up being expected/pressured to obey those in positions of power without asking questions.

He’s an introvert who’s scared of conflict and keeps his head down.

Second, his actual position when he was told to kill his clan (I might be missing some, so feel free to add any others you remember.):

He was thirteen. That is a child in grade 8. That is the age of most genin.

Tensions between his family and village are implied to have been rising for a while and are now at the point that, for whatever reason, negotiation is deemed impossible.

Tensions are so high that if the village doesn’t act soon, the Uchiha’s coup will spark an all out civil war.

The Uchiha clan has little to no chance of winning the conflict and will likely have most (if not all) of its members killed in it. Plus, the conflict would’ve also resulted in many casualties on Konoha’s side as well, including civilians, children, and shinobi who had nothing to do with what was happening.

Tensions between him and his father are extremely high as well with the two of them being implied to regularly argue.

His best friend, possibly only friend, died by jumping off of a cliff in front of him after giving him one of his eyes and left the responsibility of handling the entire situation to him.

He’s being suspected for the murder of said best friend (and was flat out accused of it in front of his younger brother by three adult police officers) and is suspected as being more loyal to the village than to his clan, making him even more of an outcast to his clan.

He's aware that his best friend was attacked and mutilated by Danzo, one of the village leaders and his superior. If he wants any action taken against Danzo, he’ll have to fight a solo, uphill battle against all of the village leaders and risk losing all sway over the Uchiha situation (which would still be a ticking time bomb) in the process.

If he doesn’t want to fight a two sided war or lose what little power he has in the situation, his safest option is to follow orders while pushing for a plan where casualties are minimized.

Did Itachi have other options? Yes, I’m not gonna pretend that genocide was Itachi’s only choice. But a lot of people seem to forget how difficult or flawed a lot of his alternatives would have actually been in practice.

For example, I’ve seen a lot of people throw around the idea of Itachi just grabbing Sasuke and leaving the village. First of all, the massacre still would’ve happened, Itachi and Sasuke just wouldn’t have been there for it. Second, Itachi would’ve had to remove Sasuke from the village without being caught by the village or the Uchiha clan when he was under the scrutiny of both. Itachi is a good shinobi, but I don’t know if he’s that good. Third, how would he even get Sasuke to go along with him? Itachi may not have been close to his clan, but Sasuke loved his clan. Yes, Sasuke also loved Itachi, but it’s a pretty big stretch to say that seven-year-old Sasuke would’ve just gone along with it, especially when he wouldn’t have been able to understand the true scale of the situation. (Itachi would pretty much have to kidnap Sasuke for this plan to work.) Fourth (and similarly), people don’t tend to like uprooting their entire lives to leave the home they grew up in, even in emergency situations or when it’s the objectively better/safer option. Itachi and Sasuke, who were both raised to be “lay down their lives” loyal to their home, would’ve been especially averse to this idea. Fifth, even if they got over all of that and got out of the village, Itachi would have to raise his younger brother alone at thirteen years old while being on the run from a world power with no protection in a world where they’re at risk of being killed or getting the attention of creeps like Orochimaru simply for having kekkei genkai. It’s not like Itachi had outside contacts (beside Obito but Obito would not have helped them even if Itachi trusted him enough to trust Sasuke’s life to him) or there was a benevolent nation to take them in. Even if they managed to one day settle into a peaceful life, it would’ve taken years of fighting to survive before they’d have gotten there. Cool fanfic idea, but making Itachi slightly more innocent isn’t a solution.

The idea that Itachi should’ve just told the Uchiha clan what was going on and got help from them is similarly short sighted. The Uchiha clan were the victims in this situation, but they weren’t perfect angels either. Itachi was not close to, or particularly well liked by, his clan. Save for Shisui (who is theoretically dead in this scenario) and Sasuke, he had no emotional connection to the clan, only vague respect and a waning sense of responsibility towards it. And even if he did go to them, Itachi telling them what was happening would’ve just sparked a civil war, the one thing Itachi was desperate to avoid and the thing that would’ve gotten them all killed.

So…

What was the point of all this?

I’ll admit that I hoped typing out my thoughts would somehow end in me settling on an opinion, but right now I’m still just as undecided and significantly more depressed. Because, like, it’s just a depressing, shitty situation where there were victims and perpetrators and Itachi who just so happened to be both. Maybe trying to ask if Itachi is either “good” or “evil” is asking the wrong question. Maybe the entire discussion about how moral Itachi is as a person or all of the other choices he could’ve made is missing the point.

[just-walk-around]

My favorite type of Naruto fanfics are the one that have the following dinamics:

Kakashi "depressed bastard man" hatake: I only have this team for one day but if anything happens to them I will kill every single shinobi in my range in then myself.

Kakashi: Sasuke you want to learn a cool and mortal technique! Here have my chidori, Sakura remember thrown your hips back when you punch them, Naruto you can't prank your fellow shinobis.. That way they will know that is you, come here I going to teach how hide evidence.

Sasuke "what are emotions " Uchiha: I don't care for this team. Naruto is a idiot that can't take care of himself *making a healthy lunch and aggressively throws it to the blonde*Sakura is weak and annoying *Teach her new taijutsu forms while she nags him to sleep more* Kakashi is a lazy teacher how he even became a jounin? *Sharpen his sensei shuriken and swords* really they mean nothing to me *brutally kill any enemy in his range protecting his teammates back*

Sakura "I gonna kill you with my barehands*haruno: I thought that I was in love with Sasuke and that Naruto was an idiot them i enter in team seven and now I only see them as my stupid tsundere brother that have zero self control and my other stupid half feral brother that also have zero self control, so I'm the one with the braincell, I need to get stronger to protect them of the enemy ninjas and also themselves. I think I will learn medicine too God knows I will need it.

Naruto "people can be better you only need to kick their asses and the moment they can move anymore you can talk" Uzumaki: I have a brother, a sister and father now I will protect them with my life, I love them very much. I will become hokage to make my adoptive father and sister proud and to help my brother build his legacy again. And if anybody try to hurt *Feral looking and kyubi aura on *I will destroy them believe it!

Kurama The tsundere nine tails fox*: I don't care for this brat and his team *Proceed to talk about them to his siblings like a proud grandfather every time that he can*

Bonus

Sasuke: Naruto you are a idiot

Sakura: a loud idiot

Naruto: Hey that's mean!

Random shinobi: fucking monster

Sasuke sharingan and chidori ready:...hn

Sakura with her gloves on: what the fuck you say you shit head.

Random shinobi later limping: that fucking kids are a danger I swear it! They will destroy the village!

Kakashi smiling: Yo! I heard that you were saying shit about my cute genins, lets have a tiny chat you and me.

[popculturebuffet]

Monthly Muppets: Bear in The Big Blue House Special (Share, Bear, When You Gotta Go, And a Berry Blue Christmas)

Welcome to big blue house, greetings from this large orangutan man. I'm Jake and this is muppets monthly, my monthly morsel of muppet madness comissioned by my good friend Emma. This months we're doing things a bit diffrently in two ways. The first is that this won't technically be monthly as we're doing TWO for you! This article and a suprise one i'll announce at the end of this one that's a big deal.

Neither however is what was previously announced in my last Monthly Muppets review: Follow That Bird. So for those of you who read these monthly, hopefully at least one of you but if not that's fine too, a quick explination: life happened while I was busy making other plans. And while normally that sets me back work wise and sometimes causes me to cancel reviews outright, here it was a good thing and a rare thing too: Disney actually put a show from the archives on disney+!

This is notable because while EVERY company hoards one or two shows and dosen't put them on streaming wether it's the plug another service, make money on tax writeoffs because their dickheads who somehow make disney look dignified, or

Disney is still one of the leaders in hoarding a decent amount of cartoons and a few other shows for no reason and has released them at a rate of

So when one finally happens, it's an event. Now to me this was neat, but not a huge thing, as while I love any muppet stuff getting published and this show had always seemed decent, I hadn't grown up with it the way many of you probably have and while I watched plenty of Nick JR as a kid even in elementary when nothing was on Cartoon Network, and geninely enjoyed some shows like Blues Clues i'm not ashamed to admit, I just never checked out playhouse Disney.

Emma however grew up with the show, and it was osmething she brought up any time I brought up the fact Disney realyl needs to pry open that vault. So since she pays for these I suggested covering a bunch of episodes, so I could experince the show myself since not being in the target Demo's never stopped me before. She agreed easily, and here we are.

For this I had her pick 4 episodes, since my usual going rate is 5 dollars an episode and since she was picking three (the equilvent of a movie) she got a fourth episode free. So I watched the Season 1 ep Share, Bear, the season 2 ep When You Gotta Go, and the Season 3 two parter a Beary Blue Christmas. What did I think of this very vibrant, mildly weird, show? find out under the cut.

Big Blue House Things

So before I get to the episodes themselves I wanted to break down my impressions on the shows style itself. I would break down it's history but I got VERY little: a little googling turned up nothing, and while the DefunctTV episode for Buzz Lightyear of Star Command was super helpful for that review, the episode for Bear in the Big Blue House, one of the few things I could find, only covered that it was made as part of Playhouse Disney, now Disney Junior's humble beginnings and was it's first big hit, and that the creator of the show wanted to make the show a calm peaceful place, the opposite of what he grew up in. So there you go.

Like most preschool shows, the show sticks to a very tight formula: after the very catchy theme song welcoming us to the blue house and everyone inside it, the titular bear, a kind, gentle fellow played by Noel MacNeal welcomes the viewer.. .then sniffs them

He then does something with one of the four children in his house. Naturally this being a kids show why Ojo the Bear (Vicki Ebner) , PIp and Pop future walter Peter Linz and Tyler Bunch) the twin otters, some sort of horrifying demon in the body of a lemur named Treelo who hangs out with Ojo lest it eat her soul,

Tutter (linz). I did far more thinking than is sane or acceptable on this topic to try and figure out who was actually living here, why they were all here if some of them have relatives, what the fuck Treelo is and if their going to kill me in my sleep while the last one will likely haunt me into madness, I did come up with the answers to

What's Bear's Legal Guardian Status For These Children

Ojo I assume is Bear's daughter, adopted or otherwise, who he shares custody with someone else, as she apparently sleeps over in one episode, so she dosen't apparently live there for whatever reason. Maybe he and her mother divorced, maybe she died and her grandparents take her on weekends, maybe hse does live there and they just played sleepover. I don't know, i'd have to watch more episodes. I"m going with Emma's suggestion for Tutter: that he just came with the house and while he does have a grandma and uncle, they may just not be able to take care of him full time or knew he was squatting in a big blue house, and let Bear adopt him. He is the only one fully confirmed to live in the house, as he has a tiny hole with a tiny toilet and everything. For the twins, I assume Bear simply looks after them: they do have grandparents who show up in the intro for the christmas ep and then in no other part of it and their otter pond is nearbye. My guess is since, according to wikipedia, the two run the town library, they need someone to look after their kids during the day and bear being basically jesus but a bear in both senses of the word, gladly does so. Finally we have Ojo, some ratty squeaky voiced nightmare. Picture elmos voiced but pitched up, on a mountain of cocaine and nigh incomprehinsible. If your not recoling in terror your stronger than I. Ojo I see as kind of like the collector from Owl House: a cosmic entity with the mind of a child. And as such while my reaction to her screeching voice and desire to take all things from everyone is

Bear is trying to raise her right so she dose'nt kill us all one day. He truly is our own personal jesus. Our star jesus given his parents are the sun and the moon. Don't ask questions.

Anyways after that cul de sac…

Back to the Formula

So bear usually visits shadow, a living shadow whose owner.. died I guess? I don't know, but she and bear are close friends and she might have a thing for him given she gives him a smooch in the christmas ep. We'll never know. Shadow usually brings a video for bear, they watch it , and she saunters off. I like shadow a lot being adorable, kind and energetic.

Bear will then get back to the topic/problem of the day, stuff sure does happen, then we end the episode with Bear visiting what I assume to be his mom the Moon as she's known him his whole life. Otherwise it's just creepy. He recaps the episode, they sing an adorable goodbye song and now you knwo the plot. IT's simple and while it got a tad repetitious after four times, though the christmas ep helped with it's serious overarching story, I get that younger kids LOVE repetition as much as Bear loves honey, and that this seris ultimately wasn't aimed at grown men. It's perfectly lovely to watch, having great puppetry, fun characters aside from that thing lurking in the dark waiting to summon it's brothers the lords in black, and beautiful music. It's just aimed at a much younger audience and wasn't made with multidemographic appeal in mind like most cartoons I watched. It was made to edcuate and soothe young children without talking down to them, with a calm wise mentor doing so. It does that excellently. As for what I thought about each episode and what dumb jokes I can make about each episode… let's see

Share, Bear (Season 1)

Share Bear follows Bear as he collapses finding out the tragic bloody history of Bear Sauske's older brother while he prepares to burn the world and Ojo, realizing she can't fix his bloody path, prepares to sacrifice herself ot kill him. Oh wait tha'ts something else i've been consuming. No this one follows the kids as they have various squabbles Bear breaks up through compromise getting them to share. The first is Ojo and Mouthface, the beast of a thousand nightmares, who are arguging as Green Machine wants to consume Snow Bear, Ojo's cuddly toy. Bear uses a game I swore he was making up but didn't, snow bear in the woods, to get them to share.. and to teach Ojo not to consume the innocent I assume.

Next up is Tutter who makes a big sandwich that sure looks good. Bear wants to eat it, but Tutter says no so like the cool dude he is, Bear backs off. Pip and Pop, being two little schemers, do not back off and keep pressuring tutter. Bear, not getting boundaries forces Tutter to share, but agrees to get Pip and Pop to share their apples. As you can see i'm not really fond of this one as while I belivie sharing is nice, sometimes your stuff.. is just your stuff. Like a sandwich that probably took you two hours to make because your a tiny little guy. It's okay to OFFER to share and good too, but you shoudln't force it on someone.

Finally he has to break up a fight between all four as they all want the attic, because to a kid the attic is either spooky as hell and full of crown molding spiders… or the coolest place ever and full of crown molding and spiders. Bear gets them to visit the picnic, all is well, this episode is pretty good. The next two are better but it has a simple lesson it mostly dosen't botch. It is nothing however compared to the next episode which is paticuarlly famous why…?

When You Gotta Go (Season 2)

BECAUSE THIS ONE'S ABOUT THE BATHROOM

… i'm not exaggerating. This one has Bear teaching kids about the potty. They use the term potty more than your average episode of Rugrats. It is everywhere. It's valid for the target audience and done with care, teaching kids not to hold it and that accidents happen to everyone. And look i'm not usually a big toilet humor guy.. but a bear singing about the potty for two minutes broke me. I suppressed a laugh so hard not because I had to but because my mother who works from home (and yes who I live with at 30), was downstairs and can hear it when I laugh loudly as this deserved. There's also Shadows song which is just singing about how good the potty is. This episode wasn't OUTLOUD hilarious but it's hard not to.

Like I said though the aseop is well done and relatable even at 30: Everyone's held it for stupid reasons, everyone had an accident as a kid (and sometimes as an adult when your sick), and it's valid to tell little kids that you NEED to just take a break and pee when you gotta or that if you miss the toilet it happens as long as you tried, and HOW to go about both things. It's not something that really takes a lot of depth and nuance from me to disect, but it's well done tv and I can see why this stuck with emma.

Despite the subject I can't even riff on it TOO much as it meant well and was trying to edcuate kids. Sure hearing that "your mom and dad" had a potty made me giggle like a child, but MOSTLY this episode avoids any sort of weird stuff.

That being said.. there is one thing we have to talk about in detail: Bear's toilet. Now he has a toilet sized for Ojo, for the otters, and one in tutter's mousehole. A little guy toilet. But as far as I can tell the rest of the bathroom is not sized for bear. And bear is well.. bear sized. Like the puppet is a guy in a full body suit. It's how he showed up on many things including hollywood squares, which I will HAVE to review next year as a clip of one ep he was on showed it also featured Macho Man randy savage. I never knew Randy Savage interacted with a muppet, but now I do it's all I can think about.

Point is he's a big boy. At best if he poops in this toilet it's going to cause a disaster that goes down in the history books and my therapists notebook. I get as Emma postulated he's probably too polite to make a fus about it but it's his house. Just install a fourth toilet bear. The cleanup isn't worth it. We all love and worry about you bear! Quit shitting on a toilet too small for you! You deserve better! your raising four children and the spawn of chtulu. GET YORUSELF A GROWN BEAR TOILET.

Or maybe he poops in the woods. I dunno. Solid episode. Could've used one more song.

A Berry Blue Christmas

Our last ep for today is a great one and a Christmas one. Yes it creeps in earlier every year don't it?

This episode got way more serious than I was expecting.. and it's not like say, the bear gets scabies and the kids all have to deal with the ramifications, it's more that it tackles an issue I didn't expect a show for toddlers to tackle, but one i'm glad it does and does so with maturity, grace and civility some shows meant for way older viewers lack on the topic: homelessness.

The episodes center around Jack, an elderly dog who Bear finds howling in the woods and takes in, and who turns out to be of course homeless. It's done well with the kids being confused and shocked and poor tutter being terrified by the idea, even singing a whole song about it complete with an utterly heartwrenching black and white vision of a homless tutter worrying if his friends can find him. Bear assures him of course he'll always have a home here, but it's still sobering and tackles what most kids probably would feel at that age realizing this is a thing that happens and it's horrible.

It's also nice just how much compassion the show has: not suprising, it's a very lovely show, but it shows that someone whose homeless is what they are: just a person without a home struggling to get by and who needs warmth and love. Jack consequently is a good boy, being kind to the kids, and fine they didn't get him a gift as gladly welcoming him into their home, feeding him and including him in thier activities is enough, and he even helps the kids make a present for bear as they didn't know what to get the man who has everything. The story was all out of alien dream plants.

Another thing I can give the show over MANY adult shows tackling the same topic… is that they DON'T just abandon Jack after this episode. While he gets a happy ending, Doc Hog, a local hog I swore was the show gaslighting me when they opened with half a dozen characters we hadn't seen before, many ff whom barely factor into the episode or in the case of tip and tup's grandparents, not at all, adopts him and gives him a home, he dosen't just vanish. Looking into it he shows up at least once next season running the fire station. Most episodes that do an aseop tend to forget the character exists for convivences sake but it took a show aimed at toddlers to realize "Hey people will notice this person vanished".

Jack is also played by David Goetz, aka Gonzo, and I had to look up who as while Goetz uses that voice a decent amount, I didn't know who did it exactly. I did recognize it from this threatning pig who lives rent free in my head though.

The special also welcomes all holiday cultures. While primarily about christmas, like most specials at the time it also covers Hannukah and Kwanza. I honestly miss that and wish more shows would do more than just christmas, with The Ghost and Molly McGee being the only one in recent memory I can think of. If you know more please feel free to tell me. Nothing wrong with christmas, as my usual holiday deluge of reviews will show, it's just said deluge also shows it's the most covered of any holiday and there are others like ramadan that have'nt gotten a special i'm aware of. The songs are both for diffrent holidays and it's nice.

We also have bears own bearcentric tradition the winter berry hunt, a hunt for one berry based on a bear long ago finding only one berry and splitting it. It's also how jack gets a home as the twins use their wish for him because he's a very good boy.

Some final notes the twins ask for millions and millions of clams in the christmas gift asking song. THEY NEED CLAMS, INFINITE CLAMS, CLAMS TO DROWN OUT THE SCREAMS AS THEY BUILD THEIR CLAMOCRACY. THE FUTURE. IS. CLAM.

Also the Goodbye Goodbye song includes, depsite it's joyful tone, homeless tutter and the kids worrying about not having a present for jack. I couldn't stop laughing

Finally we have our ranking as thanks to Letterboxd having this special, I can include it in our list along with the toilet episode since they both had vhses!

So that's goodbye goodbye from me, and i'll see you pretty soon I know… as next time we cover MUPPETS FAMILY CHRISTMAS. Muppets, Seasame Street, Fraggle Rock. All under one roof. Be there and thanks for reading.

[thatlittledandere]

I've been watching Naruto Shippuden and I have a feeling these teenagers are not taking their life-and-death assassin work quite seriously enough

[agoddamn]

Completely agree with your Sakura was done dirty posts, such wasted potential. Hope you don't mind me asking, but is there any other things you wish you could have seen with the other main girls? Either in story development or in a 'jiujitsu Sakura' way?

Springboarding off Sakura (because I have been thinking about this for nearly twenty years), I think that after her Ino fight in the chuunin exams she could have really used a Konohamaru-type kid apprentice to help her character continue growing.

With Sakura's self-consciousness, it seems pretty legit to me that she'd have a much easier time telling someone else "you don't have to hide yourself!" rather than telling herself "I don't have to hide myself!" It would also jive well with some of her other narrative issues by rounding out her miniature supporting cast and giving her compassion a way to be expressed other than the Sasuke obsession.

I don't think there's anything inherently wrong with making a female character a nurturing, kind person, but you need to actually do that and not just go "well she's in love with a man, which is what women are supposed to do." In Naruto as it is, it feels more like it was written as "she's kind in service to her role of loving Sasuke."

I'd also like Tenten to do fucking anything. In a fistfighting manga, being a weapon specialist actually nerfs you...

Hell, you could even kill two birds with one stone and have Tenten suffer some major personal upheaval and have her be the person Sakura counsels/bonds with. You lose the mentoring angle, but the cast stays trim and the whole younger-guiding-older inversion is cute. As much as I don't want to relegate her to being Sakura's pet project, "cool girl loses faith in herself and then gets her groove back" is a fine plot and most importantly it would actually give her something to do.

Hinata...ah, I've been in the Women in Refrigerators trenches from the beginning but she probably should have died. I've heard a rumor that she was planned to die and Kishimoto changed the casualty to Neji when he decided to make NaruHina endgame. Not sure how true it is, but the story does feel like it was setting up for that. Neji narratively and materially had more shit to do; Hinata's debut as "shy girl with a crush who gains self-confidence" was just a softer version of Sakura's arc in the first place.

Killing Hinata would also give you more potential angles with Team Kurenai; Gai already has a fair few character hooks with Kakashi's rivalry, his self-sacrifice complex, his bond with Lee, and his taijutsu/hard work focus. Kurenai is...Asuma's waifu and then Asuma's mourner/baby momma lol genjutsu is criminally underused in Naruto in the first place thanks to the Sharingan existing; Kurenai needs something to fucking do.

Killing Hinata seems harsh, but tearing Team 8 apart rather than Team Gai lets you put Kurenai in the coveted "everyone I love dies" angst spotlight. You could even shake things up and have her seek out a connection with Neji as she mourns Hinata; what did Kurenai think about the whole Hyuuga family thing, anyway? Would Neji feel like a cheap replacement? Or would he recognize an honest connection? (And he's not a girl, but Shino is probably the most ignored male Konoha genin. He'd benefit from more chances for characterization, too. Always liked him.)

Ino should have been the default InoShikaCho leader over Shikamaru. She just seems a lot better with people, you know? I also always wanted to see more about her family's involvement with the Torture & Interrogation department--how the hell does that get glazed over? Her mindwalk art has some insanely dark potential. Maybe her relationship with Sakura in Shippuden gains some tension back after they reconciled at the chuunin exams because Sakura starts seeing more darkness in her as she's trained to follow in her father's footsteps?

If anyone in the main cast is gonna buy into Danzo's authoritarian rule to any degree, it's gonna be the fucking Torture & Interrogation department. I don't know that she should fully side with him (though if Sasuke gets to declare war on the village and still get welcomed back the girls should also get to do war crimes a little, as a treat), but I feel like with a father in T&I she'd be most likely to agree with "the end justifies the means."

Also she should kiss Sakura.

[mixelation]

Ok talking about Mysterious Ninja Paperwork™️ makes me want to see a SI get big in the Narutoverse through their command of the bureaucracy. They’re so deep in the paper trail they’ve found all the embezzlement and secret murder task forces, but the entire village would be 45% less efficient if they were to be killed. Suddenly they’re being offered bribes and shady deals by the Elders, and it is getting in the way of their quest to get form 11A signed in triplicate and filed under the correct subheading.

I feel like there must be high-up admin like this. Like there is an ancient career genin who's been in admin since Tobirama and you do not fuck with her. Hiruzen thinks about having her assassinated periodically for knowing things above her paygrade, but actually he'd never have a day off again if she disappeared. A conundrum.

I do think there are several SI/OCs who might fit the bill. However, they are the types of fics I've seen recommended but not read myself and I can't recall their titles.

EDIT: Okay, the warnings on the fic I mention in the tags have updated since I read it a long time ago, so I'll link it and give an explanation of why I was being Very Dramatic:

The fic is called Civil Affairs. It's a very slowburn Kakashi/OC fic where the OC, Genma's civilian sister, is assigned to be Naruto's case worker. Through her job as an office worker, she manages to improve both Naruto's life and the village. I liked this fic because the office shenanigans felt realistic, I liked the OC's dedication to her work, and this is a rare fic where I can genuinely say I thought the behavior of a child character and how they learn felt true to how IRL kids are.

When I read the fic years ago, it was FFN only (or at least I failed to find the AO3 version, or the AO3 version didn't have the complete fic or something), so there was no upfront content warnings for dubious consent or accidental pregnancy. While I am in no way saying the writer shouldn't have written their fic like this, I do think the dubcon has potential to upset or harm unaware readers, so I didn't want to rec the fic without that warning, but at the same time I felt weird making a public post that could be misinterpreted as a criticism. I am not criticizing the fic for its content.

But! The fic is now on AO3 and tagged for the appropriate warnings, so problem solved. I'm going to go into a little more in depth on what happens, so the following contains some spoilers (and non-detailed descriptions of dubcon):

Essentially, the OC accidentally mixes drugs and alcohol and blacks out in a bar. When she wakes up, she's in her bed, and she realizes she's had sex with someone, who is now long gone. I forget how she figures this out, but it turns out her sex partner was Kakashi, and also that she's now pregnant (iirc there's also a subplot about how civilian women can't get birth control). She goes on to basically decide she doesn't consider this sexual assault (which is something IRL women decide about their drunk sexual encounters all the time and is not a choice by the writer I am against-- I just want anyone who might be sensitive to this particular subject matter to be aware that's the the direction the story is going). This is how the OC and Kakashi meet, and also the basis of their relationship going forward.

[cyhyr]

Summer of Whump Day 16: Touch Starved

Fandom: Naruto

Rating: G

Pairing: Hatake Kakashi/Umino Iruka, pre-relationship

WC: ~1870

Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply

A/N: Are y'all ready for some whumpy fluff??? Cuz I got some kinda cavity-inducing treat here for those that're into that.

~

In theory, Kakashi should have been assigned a touchstone during his ANBU service. Looking back, he’s ambivalent about how he feels on the subject. Sure, a touchstone could have been helpful if they were trained well and able to calm him down from the nightmares he had as a teenager; but he’s also historically one of the deadliest shinobi enlisted in ANBU and the possibility of accidentally killing a touchstone would have gotten him discharged early at best or put down because of a psychotic break at worst.

He doesn’t casually touch people, and hasn’t since his fist went through Rin’s chest ten years ago. He’s okay with this. He doesn’t want to touch people anyway—it registers a part of his instincts that equates touch with mission and he doesn’t like being “on” while in the village. Even Gai keeps a respectable distance unless they’re sparring, especially after the last time they had been walking through the village and brushed elbows and Kakashi flinched hard enough that two on-duty ANBU flickered into view on the rooftops.

But really, he’s fine.

~

Then he becomes a jōnin-sensei and formally meets Uzumaki Naruto and, by extension of Naruto, Umino Iruka. And see, after a week of training with the genin, he thought he’d gotten used to being casually touched again. Naruto, in particular, likes to take Kakashi’s palm in high-fives without permission and run circles around his legs like an over-excited pup. But Sasuke also will lean against him for a breath if no one else is looking, and Sakura is a hugger.

This does not prepare him for meeting his team’s old Academy teacher, who invites all of Team Seven—including Kakashi—to his home at the end of their first week for dinner. It seems odd that Naruto knows where everything is in the home enough to help Umino-sensei finish cooking and set the table; even more odd is Umino ordering Naruto around and Naruto following those orders without question. After the meal, Kakashi resolves to pick the man’s brain to figure out how he does that.

But then he notices how the man is moving around the kitchen; stiffly, limping, one hand bracing his lower back if he needs something out of his reach. And how Sasuke and Sakura are also hovering, asking if there’s anything they can do to help—and Kakashi realizes that he’s missing crucial information.

He gets the story about the scroll, the betrayal, and the fuma shuriken after dinner, while he’s helping Umino-sensei clean up. They had sent the genin out of the kitchen—Umino hadn’t wanted to recall it around them, worried it might “upset them”—so it was just the two of them in a tiny space.

And he’s not ready for it. Every time Umino passes behind him while Kakashi’s washing up at the sink, he presses a gentle hand to his upper back. Their fingertips brush occasionally when Kakashi’s handing Umino freshly washed dishes to dry.

His fucking laugh is a touch of its own.

Kakashi starts out tense but minutes go by and Umino doesn’t seem to recognize that his actions are distressing so Kakashi just… breathes through it. And relaxes. And lets himself feel.

And, gods, it’s nice.

~

It doesn’t stop. Umino—

“Iruka, please,” he smiles and it’s like sunshine after a month in the Land of Frost. “I’d like to think we’re friends, Kakashi-sensei, and my friends call me Iruka.”

“Then just ‘Kakashi’ is fine,” he replies—

He’s still wondering why he said that, but it certainly happened; it was at the Mission Desk and there were witnesses—

Anyway.

Iruka doesn’t stop with these friendly, gentle touches. But after that first night he is always careful to do them in places where no one else can observe Kakashi’s reactions, which Kakashi is immensely thankful for.

He doesn’t ever turn on Iruka, but there are some close calls. He once followed Iruka down into the archives and while they were down there he said something—likely a crass joke, remembering Iruka’s flush and that particular smile. In hindsight, Kakashi realizes that the jab on his arm was meant to mean oh gods why are you like this in an amused air; at the time, he froze and his heart had started pounding and he briefly saw Iruka as a threat.

Iruka didn’t move, either away or closer, just waited until Kakashi’s tension released. It took almost a minute. He did, however, continue speaking; going into a story about Naruto and Shikamaru from their earlier days at the Academy. Once Kakashi was back to himself he stuck his hands in his pockets and Iruka finished his filing in the archives, walking around again as though he hadn’t just been in potential danger.

Kakashi wonders if Iruka has touchstone training. He wonders if Iruka would entertain being his touchstone; but, no, he’s not ANBU anymore, he doesn’t need one anymore.

~

It’s too much.

It’s not enough.

~

One day after training his team, he catches sight of Iruka lounging in the grass by the river, reading a novel. The sunset warms the deep tones of his skin even more than usual and Kakashi groans because he’s been psyching himself up to do something like this for weeks and here, here is the perfect chance. And he could absolutely keep walking down the road and keep his hands and body to himself and Iruka would be none the wiser; and even if he does find out, Iruka will never hold it against him or call him a coward.

He can do it. He takes a few steps down the hill.

He can’t do it—he turns back up to the road and puts his face into his hands. He resists groaning, as that would alert Iruka to his presence and then he’s fucked.

He turns back around and looks at Iruka, turning the page of his book and tucking an arm under his head. Gods, he’s…

If I go down there, I’ll destroy him.

If I don’t, I’ll destroy myself.

Kakashi doesn’t whine, he doesn’t. He fought in the Third Great Shinobi War. He’s a hardened ANBU operative—retired, but. He’s one of the deadliest shinobi Konoha has on its roster. He can approach a chūnin Academy sensei, his friend, for no other reason than to just sit near him.

His legs move before he can form the thoughts to stop them, and he’s dropping into a cross-legged seat beside Iruka.

“Hello, Kakashi,” Iruka says. He sets his book aside and sits up, shifting so he’s more facing Kakashi. And gods that smile. “How are you?”

Kakashi finds that he can’t quite get the words out, and so just holds out a hand between them hoping Iruka will understand.

“Ah.” Of course, Iruka does. He slips his fingers between Kakashi’s slowly, giving him the chance to pull away if he needs. But Kakashi isn’t here for need; he’s here for want.

He pulls Iruka’s hand up to his cheek and presses into it, his pulse quickening.

“Kakashi, is everything alright?” Iruka murmurs.

He nods. The lump in his throat eases enough that he’s able to mutter back: “Exposure therapy. My apologies, sensei, for using you this way.”

Iruka’s palm is warm through his mask. He wishes he hadn’t done this in public, that he could feel Iruka’s hand on his bare face.

“I understand. I have done this before.”

“Y-You have?”

Iruka nods, shifts closer and lays his other hand on Kakashi’s shoulder. “I’ve had other friends in ANBU,” he whispers. “I was a touchstone for, ah, three years? For them.”

Kakashi can’t help the bubbling laugh. “I had wondered where you got these kinds of instincts, sensei.”

“It’s certainly not from teaching pre-genin.”

Iruka continues lightly stroking his shoulders and cheek where Kakashi placed his hand, until Kakashi fidgets and shifts and reaches up to rub at the back of his neck.

“I was wondering if—um—could you—that is—”

“Whatever you’re comfortable with,” Iruka nods.

“That’s just the thing,” Kakashi sighs. “I’m not comfortable with any of this.”

“Okay, so then just ask,” he says instead. “I promise, it’s neither the oddest request I’ve gotten, nor will I refuse you.”

Kakashi quirks an eyebrow and Iruka chuckles.

“I’ll tell you later. Ask.”

He takes in a deep breath and on the exhale says it at once: “CanIputmyheadinyourlap?”

Iruka takes a second to decode what he says, and then his grin widens and he turns back to where he’d placed his book. He shifts it further aside and situates himself better, and then nods, making a subtle come here gesture with the hand near his book.

Kakashi turns and just about falls into Iruka’s lap, now laying parallel to the river and looking up at the reddening sky. In the east, a few early stars are coming out. But here, on the riverbank, Iruka runs his fingers through Kakashi’s hair and it’s heaven. Fingertips from his other hand stroke gently down the side of Kakashi’s face and neck. After a few minutes, Iruka settles his arm over Kakashi’s chest in a loose embrace and it causes a hitch in his breath and a stutter in his pulse but—

But he’s with Iruka and he’s in the village and the fingers through his hair are so nice and he’s safe and Iruka’s safe—

He relaxes.

“Let me know if it’s too much,” Iruka says softly.

“This is wonderful, sensei,” Kakashi breathes. “You’re just enough. Exactly what I needed.”

Iruka lightly scratches at his scalp and Kakashi groans. The arm across his chest gets a little heavier and Kakashi notices but doesn’t care because he’s in the village and safe and with Iruka—

“Can I… um. No, nevermind.”

Kakashi opens his eye, looks up at Iruka, flushed in the sunset, and says, “Ask anyway?”

Iruka bites at his lip and hesitates, but Kakashi has all the time in the world right now. Eventually, the sun goes beyond the horizon and Iruka asks barely above a whisper, “Can I kiss you?”

He’s honestly surprised, thinking that he was the only one harboring a crush. But then he thinks about the sensitivity of lips on lips and tongue and teeth and being that close and I’ll destroy him—Kakashi stops that line of thought fast and clears his throat to fight off the bile wanting to rise. He swallows hard and says, “Not yet. I don’t know if I can—”

“Shh,” Iruka presses one finger to his lips over the mask; it’s excruciating. “You don’t need to explain yourself. A no is enough. I’ve got this,” gesturing to Kakashi, laid out beside him, and then threads his fingers back in his hair, “and I'm more than happy.”

Iruka eventually relocates them to his apartment, where Kakashi goes along quietly and eats what he’s given and washes up beside Iruka like he always does at the Team Seven dinners he hosts. And when they move to the living room and Iruka sits in the corner of his couch and pats his lap questioningly, Kakashi falls into place like a good soldier and spends the rest of the night trying not to tear up at how good it feels to be touched so carefully, so gently, so lovingly.

[sup-hoes-its-me]

Pain (Kakashi x Reader)

A/N: finally, a kakashi one shot. I've been trying so hard to write one but his character is so difficult for me, so deep and mysterious and im just an idiot. Tell me if this story is shit, lol. Anyway, Soulmate AU, kinda fluffy, kinda sad idk what to say about it. 

word count: 5000~

Part One/Part Two

“Trust me,” the boy whispered to me. “It’s going to be okay.”

His arms wound around me, as I dozed in and out of consciousness. Lightning struck every couple minutes, illuminating the area just enough up so I could see the carnage around us. Dead bodies, left and right, blood splattered on trees and shinobi crying over the bodies of their teammates and loved ones.

This war would show no mercy, it had taken someone from every clan, every household. Mothers, fathers, daughters, sons, lovers, friends. No one was safe from the storm reigning over the nations.

The rain had left me drenched, and I kept coughing on the water running up my nose and into my mouth. I felt like i was drowning in my own body, lungs filled with water, heart filled with pain. 

I could feel the burden on this boy’s shoulders as he panicked over my limp, bloodied form. I didn’t know why he was saving me, or how he even noticed my body among the dozens of others left among those battling for their lives. 

I didn’t have the strength to ask him, words absent from my mind and my tongue.

“I need to keep fighting. Where are the medics, for fucks sake,” my rescuer grumbled under his breath. Fire shot above our heads, and a girl screamed in pain behind us. I felt like I was going to pass out from not only pain but sheer fear. We were sitting there asking to be killed.

Quickly, he lifted me in his arms and ran deeper into the forest, farther away from the man with the flames. 

I tried to speak, but blood caught in my throat and had me spitting it down my neck and onto my shirt. I was at the complete disposal of this stranger.

“Kakashi!”

My teammate. His voice was unmistakable. “Is that Y/N? What- Jesus, that looks bad,” my friend exclaimed as he approached my body. Suddenly my body was being handed off, and I gasped for air, more drops of blood coming up to taste on my tongue. 

“Gai, she needs to get to a medic; she’s your teammate right?” 

“Right away, Kakashi!” He turned on his heel and prepared to push off into a jump through the trees when he paused. “You don’t even know Y/N, what made you save her?”

“I don’t know. I just knew I couldn’t let her die,” the silver haired boy, whom I know knew as the famous Kakashi, trained by the fourth Hokage himself, paused, his eyes stuck on my face for a long minute. “She deserves to live, that’s all I know.” With those being the last words out of his mouth, the boy rushed into the trees, ready to fight another battle for our village. I knew who Kakashi was from the name, but I had never formally met him. He just saved me, and I didn't know whether to feel honored that he found me worth saving or ashamed that I was so weak I couldn't defend myself.

Gai carried me to the edge of the forest where a medic tent was set up. He rocked me softly in his arms as I choked on the mere air I was breathing in, and gasped when my chest felt too heavy to support itself. He was a friend, the best friend I’ve ever had, even if he was painfully unbearable at times. 

People even asked me, time and time again, is Might Gai your soulmate? No one can stand that kid, she must be his soulmate, poor girl. That’s what they would say. But no. We were friends. And Kakashi, was Gai’s sort-of-friend, but mostly he acted as an admirer.

He had mentioned Kakashi time and time again in secret. He would call him a hero, someone so talented and majestic, you would think he was talking about a seasoned shinobi like the Hokage. He felt challenged by his skill, but grateful for his help when he was being bullied. 

I guess, you could say Kakashi Hatake was my hero now too. Such a quiet guy, yet more noble than any one of us.

___________________________________

I don't normally show my soul mark, hidden away under my layers, resting on my shoulder blade. I show it to people when they ask, because it really doesn't matter if people see it or not. I know they aren't my soulmate.

I wasn’t surw who I was destined to be with. Over the years of being a shinobi, I encountered thousands of people, all of whom could have been the one, or not. I may have met them before and not known about it, but I highly doubt it. 

Kurenai told me when you meet your soulmate for the first time, it's such a distinct feeling that you can't miss it. You can't dismiss it as just a chill running through your body. As far as I can remember, I've never felt something like that: so significant that it would haunt me even today. I try not to dwell on the fact that I may never meet my soulmate, or that I've passed them by in another village or on a mission and will never see them again. 

I honestly try not to think about my soulmate at all. It's so hopeless and only brings people anxiety and paranoia. The people who go around asking to see every single person's mark are fools in my opinion.

Yes, I do think it would be nice to meet my soulmate and love them forever unconditionally, constantly having someone to hold and talk to. Yet...I can get so much shit done when I don't have to worry about some fate-forseen destiny. 

I laid in my bed, pillow over my face to drown out the sunlight and sounds of the birds chirping. I didn't have a mission today, and my team of Genin was out on a mission themselves for the next week. I had time to do absolutely nothing but sleep and relax. That is, if my fellow villagers would leave me alone for once.

But not today. I can't have one day off, can I?

"Rise and Shine, woman of the night! Half a day of youth has been wasted, my friend!" A loud bellowing voice called from outside my room. "If you don't wake up and open the door in 10 seconds, I will force the door down." Seriously…fuck Gai.

I rolled out of bed, threw on my robe lying on the floor and walked to the door. If it were anyone else, I could probably get away with staying in bed, but Gai doesn't lie when he makes threats, and I wasn't about to replace my door again.

The sun was so bright when I opened the door and peered out at my friend. eyes narrowed to avoid the sunlight. "Gai...why are you like this?" I put bluntly, stiff frown on my lips.

He frowned, shaking his head furiously. "Y/N, you are yet a single beautiful flower from the leaf village. You must not waste a single day of your youth, your prime time for action, adventure, and training," the man proclaimed, throwing his fist in the air dramatically. 

"Listen, I'm tired as all hell, but if you want me out of the house we can go get breakfast."

"Breakfast? It's past noon."

"Fine. Lunch, then." He nodded, begrudgingly. He was, as expected, disappointed that I didn't even know what time it was, and that I had skipped the most important meal of the day. I shut the door and changed into appropriate clothes, combed through my hair for a minute with my hair, and shoved some cash in my pocket for food.

We walked five blocks to sit down for ramen, and were greeted kindly by the owner and his daughter. 

"When is your next mission assigned?"

"Wednesday. Two days of peace."

"What about your team? Training?"

"On a c-rank. No kids, no responsibilities. What more could I ask for? I got 14 hours of sleep last night too."

His eyes widened, but what was he expecting? I wasn't exactly proactive when I didn't have to be, unlike his upbeat and always ready to fight lifestyle. Maybe he was right to always be prepared, since we can never know when someone will attack the village. We weren't prepared for when Orochimaru first attacked and our Hokage died, as well as hundreds of our shinobi. 

"Typical Y/N behavior. As long as you are safe from harm, I suppose it doesn't matter. Still, after this I'm running 100 laps around the village with Lee. You can join if you want."

"I'll pass this time. My calves are killing after my last mission." I sighed but felt a little calmer as my ramen was placed in front of me. I took one whiff of it and felt immensely better than before. I slouched in my seat a bit as I relaxed and practically inhaled some noodles. 

After I finished my ramen, I bid my farewell to Gai and headed back to my apartment. I guess today would be a good day to clean the mess that had been building up there for a few weeks. I went on missions so often, I just forgot to pick up in between them.

When I was walking up the stairs to my place, I noticed a particular silver haired shinobi leaning against my door, holding a small box in his hands.

“Kakashi!” I exclaimed, walking just a bit faster to get to him. He came to visit me sometimes, but it was quite rare. We usually met up in town or for a mission. “Back from your mission already?”

“Yep. Turned out to be a lot easier than we anticipated,” he replied, shifting on his feet, a movement noting nervousness. I stopped at my door, peering up at him brightly. It was always a pleasant surprise seeing him. After all, he was one of my favorite people.

I leaned on the opposite side of my door frame, my eyes shifting to the little box in his hand. “What’s that?”

“Oh, yeah. Uh, just something I found while on the mission. It’s really no big deal.”

“You were in the Land of Snow. Barely anyone goes there; of course your little trinket is a big deal!” I laughed. He also laughed, but it was painfully awkward and tense. He still seemed pretty on edge, which I just brushed off as the aftermath of a mission. “Who’s it for?”

“Yeah, about that…” he trailed off, eyes turning down to the box. “It’s actually for you.”

My whole face lit up in flames at the thought of Kakashi getting a special present for me. I watched with the internal excitement of a kid on Christmas morning, my hands shaking just a bit by my sides. My friend lifted the box, and inside was the most magnificent crystal on a metallic chain. It was white with shimmering bits of blue and silver swirling around inside. 

Carefully, I reached out and touched it with the pads of my fingertips. “Kakashi, I don’t know what to say...It’s so beautiful.” My eyes lifted to look at his single eye. It seemed I had caught him staring, and he blinked quickly to cover it up. My cheeks turned an even darker shade of pink. 

“The lady who sold it to me said that it holds a protective spirit inside. That’s probably just a cheap sales pitch, but I…” he mumbled, embarrassment creeping up his neck and ears, “Well, I thought you would like it.”

“Are you kidding? I love it. Kakashi, this is the nicest thing someone has ever bought for me. Must have cost you a fortune!” I protested as I further inspected the crystal. It was purely amazing. Truthfully, I didn’t think Kakashi had much taste either.

He shrugged. “Price doesn’t matter. What does matter is if you will wear it.”

“Of course.” Excitedly, I turned around and moved my hair out of the way of my neck. “Put it on for me, please.” I listened to him pick the chain and the clap of the box shutting and slipping into his pocket. His fingers slid against my neck, sending tiny shocks down my spine, and the cool crystal soon sat against my chest. His slim hands moved away from my skin, and I admittedly missed the feeling of his warmth on me.

As I turned, he hummed with approval. “Looks perfect on you, as I suspected.” 

“O-Oh. Well, thank you for getting it for me. Hopefully it actually works like the lady said.”

“Either way, you’ll always be safe.” He brushed off my comment coolly. “Trust me.”

I always did.

_________________________________

It was late into the night, but nerves kept me up once again. All this drama with Orochimaru, Sasuke, the Akatsuki. It was overwhelming. Tsunade was assigning me missions almost every day, my joints ached from running and fighting, and my chakra felt as if it was used up for the last time; I was so tired.

The streets were quiet except for a few restaurants still open to late night diners. My footsteps echoed on the ground as I walked along, dirt kicking up around my feet with every lazy step. 

Out of the corner of my eye, I spotted him, perched on the top of a water tower. His hair still flew up despite the wind persistently pushing it down. Kakashi Hatake, my friend and comrade. As always he looked almost majestic, especially in this moonlight. For some reason, I felt the urge to jump up there and be with him, a push towards the shinobi.

Silently, I bounced between buildings to get to where he was, talking up to where he sat. His nin-kin turned to me and nodded in greeting. 

“Sup, Y/N,” Pakkun said in his strangely deep voice for such a tiny dog. Sitting down beside the man, my eyes trailed over to where he was looking out all this time. Pain shot through my body at the sight of the memorial stone, glimmering in the darkness. 

I think every shinobi had their fair share of memories associated with the stone, whether it be family or friends. I sighed, my gaze shifting to the moon above us. 

Some things were just too painful to dwell on.

“Y/N.”

“Hey, Kakashi,” I began, rubbing over my knuckles with my thumb. “I was just on a walk, and it looked like you could use some company.”

“Yeah, guess you’re right.” Pakkun rolled his eyes, but said nothing. After all, he knew his master could use all the human compassion he could find. “Been a tough night.”

I leaned forward a bit, swinging my legs off the edge of the water tower. It made me dizzy being this high up and looking down, but I enjoyed the rush it sent through my blood. My head tilted toward him, and I sighed. “Agreed. Too much to think about, huh?”

“Yep.”

“What’s on your mind then?”

“Currently?” His laugh was bitter as he said that word, shaking his head. His frustration rolled off his body in waves. “My student is a rogue ninja and my other students are going to get killed trying to find him.”

I nodded solemnly. My own squad was actually quite boring. They had talent, but not the same attachments or motivation as Kakashi’s students. His children fought with their all every single battle, always striving to be better than they were the day before. Hell, Sasuke went with a criminal to achieve his goals. I felt sorry for the guy. His kids weren’t normal.

“Naruto won’t give up, huh. Can’t see that happening, I gotta admit.”

“I was the one who taught them the importance of teamwork and bonds between them, but god dammit if I’m not worried about them,” he cursed. “I know they have the capability to defend themselves. Naruto and Sasuke are coming to the point where they could even surpass me, yet I feel obligated to protect him.”

Humming in agreement, I replied, “As you should. What kind of leader would you be if you just left them to be reckless?”

“I just...The thought of losing anyone else is…” His words trailed off, eyes trained on the memorial stone again. 

Tears pricked my eyes. My parents died in the war. I had been injured early on so I wasn’t there to see them die. I only heard about their deaths when the battle ended and their mutilated bodies were found among thousands of others. I didn’t know pain like this man, but I could understand death just like anyone else. Even the happiest people, like Gai, have struggled with loss more times than he would like to count.

Tentatively, my arm went to rest over his shoulders. He didn’t move away from my touch, leaning into my side just slightly. I almost didn’t notice the weight. This man needed touch and affection now more than ever. He was battling a war inside himself as another brewed around him every day. 

“I know, Kakashi.”

He kept silent. Pakkun sat in his lap calmly, his eyes shutting as he sunk deeper into thought. 

“Sometimes, I worry I’ll forget the faces of my parents who died during that battle. I-I can’t remember what color eyes my mom had, and sometimes I forget my dad had freckles or that one of his ears was just a little longer than the other. I know one day I won’t remember at all, and all my pictures burned in the wreckage…” I confided in the masked ninja, and he let out a long breath. “That’s the worst part for me.”

“I’m sorry, Y/N.”

“It’s okay. I always remind myself that while I forget their faces, I will never forget how they made me feel. How happy I was when my father applauded me at graduation, and how my mother made me the best meals I’ve ever had. In that way, they are always with me.”

His situation ran deeper, I knew that. He killed his friend Rin, and he was forced to watch as his other teammate died being crushed by a boulder. He harboured the boy’s eye every day, acting as a constant reminder that he could only take when he should have saved him. Survivor’s guilt is written on his heart.

As I squeezed his shoulder just a bit tighter to my body, I added, “You owe it to your friends and family to keep living life to the fullest. Just like my parents, your loved ones live through you now.”

He sat calmly for a second, pondering on what I said. I stared out at Konoha, a small smile on my face. The death would always haunt me, but there were always positives, always something to drag a person out of a dark time. With effort, his guilt would lessen. I doubt it would happen that way, Kakashi being too stubborn to forgive himself, but the least we could do is try.

“You’re a good friend, y’know.”

“I’ll always be here for you, Kakashi. Always.”

“Thank you, Y/N.”

______________________________________

The mission was turning out to be a big failure. Y/N had wasted away at her reserve of chakra, and Kakashi wasn’t fairing too much better. They would have been sent with more shinobi back up but Tsunade was running short on available ninja, not even a genin to help them. There was so much going on, and this fight was more chaotic than most.

A few hours before, Y/N and Kakashi noticed that enemy shinobi started following them, but from such a distance that it would be better to keep going for as long as they could to regain strength before engaging in combat. Only, they didn’t realize that there were enemies waiting for them as well. It seemed they walked right into a clever trap.

They weren’t prepared. Even the famous Kakashi was worn out from the strain of the mission earlier that day. Constantly, it seemed, they were being attacked. 

Regardless, they tried to put up the best fight they could. 

But it was futile.

After just 20 minutes of fighting, Y/N was at wits end. She had used up a big portion of her chakra an hour earlier to heal a villager. Her legs ached from running for hours, and her head spun with a migraine from head damage.  Before anyone could react, an already weakened kunoichi fell to the ground, half a dozen kunai sticking from her back from a sneak attack in the trees. Her shirt soaked up the blood oozing from her broken skin, and she barely had enough energy to cry out before her face hit the dirt hard. Just as Kakashi turned away from the enemy to see what had happened, one of the kunai, which was tagged, detonated.

Dust flew up in clouds around her as the flames went down. Her clothes were practically seared to the seams, and the awful smell of burnt flesh wafted into the forest around them. 

“Y/N!” Kakashi yelled at the sight of her body. “Shit, shit, shit.”

He pressed his hand to the ground and screamed for his summons to come and help him. Anyone that could protect Y/N while he finished this fight alone. His ninken appeared, and immediately they knew what to do. A few of them went to attack the person who was targeting Y/N, leaving the criminal merciless to their vicious nature, meanwhile the rest, including Pakkun ran over to her body, sizzling on the ground with smoke rising from the fabric of her shirt. 

With some  assistance now in place, Kakashi used the last bit of his chakra to take down the man in front of him, as well as the two to his right and left. Three shinobi down, as well as the one his ninken took down a few seconds ago. 

As he took a few breaths, trying to compose himself enough to think clearly, he caught sight of Y/N’s unmoving body, despite the efforts the dogs took to wake her up, to get her to simply twitch to show she was still alive. 

Nothing. 

His heart began to race with fear. This scene, it was all too familiar. His friends who had died before him, their broken and ruined bodies lying before him to only stare at. He felt helpless. Like years ago, she was near death and he desperately needed to keep her alive. The need inside of him was so strong he couldn’t think of anything else.

Kakashi fell to his knees next to her, quickly moving to yank the kunai from her back and toss them to the side. blood seeped into her blackened clothes and onto the grass below her. 

His hands hovered over her form anxiously, not knowing what to do next. He wasn’t a healer. She was the one with the medical ninjutsu up her sleeve. Pakkun noticed his frantic eyes, the way he held his breath as if time had stopped. 

“Not my Y/N. Not to her, please, Kami, please,” he begged.

“She’s breathing, Kakashi,” the dog assured, placing his paw onto his master’s arm. “The medcine, Kakashi, she needs the Hokage’s medicine.”

His brain took a moment to think, and soon after he rummaged through the remnants of Y/N’s side bag, searching for the salve Tsunade had given them as they left. “Fuck, why did this have to happen?” Harsh words cursed out under his breath as he cut through the fabric with a kunai to get a full look at the wounds on her back. Soot covered her skin, so he wiped them off the best he could.

One dark spot remained. Under her shoulder blade.

Maybe he should have moved faster, forgot about the black mark on her back, but he couldn’t help but rub away the rest of the dust and dirt to take a closer look. He’d never seen her soul mark. She’d never seen his. They were in places unseen by the casual eye. 

And after 20 years of not knowing, they matched. His soulmate. She was right in front of him this entire time. He always felt different toward the woman, in the kind of way they only talk about in romance novels. He never anticipated even meeting his soulmate, but knowing her for 20 years, loving her for this long...it felt surreal.

He pushed down his mask, touching the mark on his chin faintly. Pakkun eyed his master’s mark for a moment before turning to the girl’s. “Kakashi…”

“Shit, forget about that. Let’s just make sure she lives.”

He rubbed the salve onto her wounds, and her body started to shake. The wounds slowly closed, only leaving streaks of blood and dust on her skin. As he turned her body over, he noticed blood dripping from her forehead and wiped it away, pressing a piece of her shirt to the wound to keep pressure steady. 

“She won’t wake up for a while. It’s best to take her back to the village, Kakashi.”

He wordlessly nodded, lifting her into his arms and standing up, hugging her weak form to his chest. And so he started his walk back to the hidden leaf.

His whole body felt heavy, worry building up in his heart. They were meant to be together, souls intertwined by fate. He finally found the woman who would love him endlessly. He would be happy once again.

If only it was that easy…

____________________________________________

After being injured on the last mission, I was allowed to take a few weeks off to recover. Apparently, my wounds could have been fatal if not for the salve Tsunade gave us as it contained an antidote to their poisonous weapons. Kakashi did a good job, the nurses told me when I woke up in the crowded hospital room. They told me he saved my life.

“He was so worried about you, Y/N. He ran all the way here from the Land of Fire just to make sure you were okay.”

“Yeah, he was just about ready to cry when he handed you off to us,” the nurse told me, a small smile on her face. “He really cares about you, Miss Y/N.”

The nurses told me a lot of things while I was being healed. They loved to talk, and Kakashi was a man of much interest apparently. Even though I was in pain, they made it somewhat bearable to sit in the hospital for three days. 

Every week, I would go back for a follow up, just to make sure the poison hadn’t reemerged. My last appointment just happened to be with the Hokage herself, her expertise above all others. I worried something might be wrong, as my injuries seemed to be getting better, but needing the Hokage to perform an exam must mean something is wrong. Honestly, I was anxious. 

I settled onto the patient’s bench as the powerful woman walked into the room.

“Y/N. How are you feeling?”

“Pretty good. No pain anymore.”

“Alright, well, I’ll listen to your vitals, check your blood stream and chakra flow, and hopefully you’ll be out of here in no time,” she told me, doing as she said she would. I laid on the bench and let her medical chakra flow through me, searching for abnormalities. 

After that, I sat up for her to check on my back, which was just about finished healing and scaring. Every shinobi has scars, and thankfully these are hidden under my shirt at all times. Big red welts sat there for a week to the point where it hurt to even wear a shirt because the fabric rubbed against them.

She lifted my shirt, her cold finger running along the healing wounds. Suddenly, her fingers stopped, right under my shoulder. 

“Well, that’s quite...shocking.”

 “Something wrong?” I piped up, peeking at her from over my shoulder. Her eyes were trained onto my back, eyes widened.

“No, it’s not a problem,” she lowered my shirt, and patted her hands together. “Good news is that you’re completely fine, no complications.”

“Bad news?”

“More good news, I suppose,” the woman told me, her lips quirking into a half grin. “Your necklace is gorgeous. I haven’t been able to keep my eyes off it since you started wearing it, to be honest. Sakura told me Kakashi gave it to you.” She sighed, touching the crystal hanging close to my heart. 

With a smile, I nodded, eyeing the stone myself. “It’s one of my most prized possessions,” I gushed, heat returning to my cheeks as I thought about receiving the gift.

“Then I have some great news for you.” She let go of my necklace and stepped back a bit, crossing her arms under her breasts. “You and your beloved have the same soulmark. It seems Kakashi is your soulmate.”

My heart stopped beating in my chest for a second. Wide eyes met her neutral ones, and I opened my mouth to say something, but she beat me to it. “I’ve healed Kakashi time and time again, so I know his mark. It’s under his mask, so you would never get the chance to see it. Yet, it matches yours perfectly. Congratulations.”

“Lady Hokage, I-I...Thank you for telling me! This is all I’ve been wishing for for years. Meeting my soulmate, I’ve only ever thought about it in my dreams. I-I can’t believe it.”

“I’m happy for you, Y/N. You and Kakashi will have a mission in 2 days, I suggest you tell him sometime then, when you have time together,” she advised. I nodded gratefully.

She bid me a goodbye and shut the door as she left. My heart was still in overdrive as I processed what she had just told me.

I would just have to wait a few days and then I could tell him everything. It would be the best day of my life.

[another-kakashi-blog]

Reclamation

Title: Reclamation

Rating:M

Pairing: Kakairu

WC: 10k+

Summary:

Survivor’s guilt was an inevitable part of being a shinobi, they’d been taught this early on. 

They just hadn’t been taught how to deal with it, and as Kakashi got older, he was starting to realize that was because no one knew how.

Every day was a lesson in living.

Notes:

After many, many years of reading Kakashi fanfics, I’ve decided to finally give in and have a try at it myself. It was a lot of fun and a great challenge to write this. I am very excited to continue writing kakairu, kakagai, and kakayama in the future (for those of you who know me as that BNHA writer ( @fucking-zawa-sensei) don’t worry I’ll still write EM).

As with most of my fics, this is very sad, but I promise there will be happiness by the end. Hang in there. 

Below is a portion of fic, read all of it on AO3 here

Reclamation

To anyone else, they might call this silence.  

For Kakashi, the rustling of the tree leaves, the rush of wind passing by his face, the constant, endless pounding of his pulse, mimics the sound of waves crashing into breaker rocks. It’s akin to the crackle of thunder as the lightning leaves the ground, returning back to the clouds. 

It’s missions like these that make him feel alive. 

More than that, it’s missions like these that make him feel untethered, haunting, as if he’s floating above his own body, desperately out of control of his own limbs, watching them move without him, soaring from tree branch to tree branch with all his muscles pulling him back to Konoha. 

It’s missions like these that make him feel like there’s nothing holding him down, nothing keeping him here, like one wrong step would send him catapulting into the night sky’s embrace, leaving no remains for hunter nins to burn.

He’d leave no secrets behind. 

These nights bring a heavy burden, bring reminders that life is nothing but a body, too easily taken by another hand, that each breath, each moment is so easily wasted. 

Missions like these make him feel invincible, untouchable. 

Missions like these make him feel terrified.

Petrified. 

Horrified. 

Barely human. 

He’d lie down on a hundred kunai for Konoha, had certainly already taken that many at various times throughout his long life as a shinobi, but lately he was starting to feel like there had to be something else. 

Konoha wasn’t enough to bring him home on nights like this. 

The air he sucks into his lungs feels sharp, stinging with the late night chill that has already settled over his worn muscles. 

Each footfall, the bounce back of the wood beneath his sandals, manages to ground him only slightly. 

Half his mind is focused on the gates he knows he is closing in on, once a beacon, large doors that signified a job well done, a mission complete, but anymore felt like a hiatus, a small pause in a journey elsewhere. 

The other half is still lingering behind him, running through every move, every kill. His sharingan, as usual, had recorded it all, adding to an endless loop of jutsu and gore and blood. 

He tried, here and there, to supplement it with other things. 

Occasionally lifting his headband to take in the sight of the river flowing through Konoha, as he leaned against the side of the bridge, watching as dragonflies landed on the small rocks, little droplets of water falling off their feet as they rose up again, taking flight.

Even this had backfired on more than one occasion, though. 

Happy memories had soured. 

Fallen friends’ smiling faces now passed quickly in his mind’s eye, some more violently than others, replaced with their last moments, gasped out final requests, promises, and pleas for a life already lost. 

Every jounin carried a bingo book, a burden that only seemed to increase in weight with each new entry, and sometimes, even more so when the pages were torn out.

It meant different things for different shinobi, a list of people to avoid, flea on sight, or a list of targets, people to hunt down. Some ninja seemed to use it as a leaderboard, wanting to add page after page to their own entries, while challenging themselves to take down their competition. 

For Kakashi, it was a list of people coming for him, chasing him, always right behind him every hour of every day. It was a reason not to trust a single face he saw on his travels, a reason not to let anyone close. 

Everyone he knew was at risk, all fodder for a fire that sometimes felt far out of his control.

The book had never felt heavier than it did the day it had been slid across the godaime’s desk, his former pupil’s name now prominently featured. 

Team 7 had been one of the few things that disrupted the replay of death after death, but now, Naruto, Sasuke, Sakura, their laughter, their pranks, their teasing, all melted away. Replaced with a Konoha headband, deep cut through the middle. Replaced with a small, broken, bloodied blond body limp in his arms as he carried it home. Replaced with a set of green eyes glazed over with tears, and then a fierce determination that Kakashi knew too well. 

He’d been there.

He’d chased those ghosts. 

He’d trained himself raw like they all were now. He’d worked himself to exhaustion, until sleep was something he fell into in more ways than one, just to get the memories to quiet for a moment. 

Except the sharingan didn’t allow that, never had, never will. 

So each step closer to the village is one more fight left behind. 

On nights like these, he feels a trail manifesting leap by leap, miles and miles of bone and muscle and blood and voices all grabbing at his ankles as he does the one thing he’d never been able to train out of him:

Run. 

The bingo book was a burden, but Kakashi sometimes felt like he had something far heftier stored beneath his skin, a catalogue of lives stolen and lost and never returned. 

Survivor’s guilt was an inevitable part of being a shinobi, they’d been taught this early on. 

They just hadn’t been taught how to deal with it, and as Kakashi got older, he was starting to realize that was because no one knew how.

Every day was a lesson in living.

In the distance, something rustles, but Kakashi’s instincts are running at full throttle and even over the post-battle haze of unwanted memories and recordings resurfaced by his childhood friend’s gift, Kakashi can easily attribute that particular kind of twig snapping to a small animal. 

Probably a field mouse, his mind supplies. 

Sometimes, being a ninja felt an awful lot like coming up for air only to find that the surface of the water has been frozen over.

The suspicion, the paranoia, it never really faded away. Kakashi could fall back into a casual, relaxed slouch all he wanted, but there was never a moment where he wasn’t keeping tabs on any movement in his limited peripheral vision. Even more so, his ears were tuned to every sound in the village, always waiting, always expecting something out of place.

Like the unsettling stillness right before the explosive release of summoning smoke that occurred all those years ago, before the blistering sound of shrill screams and the rush of adrenaline reached Kakashi. 

The better your senses were, the warier you were, the higher chance of survival.

The village needed him. 

The sole of his shoe slips just slightly on the next branch and his pulse triples as he glances back at the wood. 

He sees blood, not much, not enough to affect his footing. 

As he hits the next branch, another shock of instability jolts through his leg. He looks down at his body, taking stock, something he really should have done after the battle was over, but he’d been too caught up in ghosts to notice anything out of place. 

He was leaving a small trail of blood behind him. His skin begins to prickle and his eyes narrow at the crimson drop plummeting down from his chest, watching it fall and vanish behind him, gone before it hits the ground, as he continues to race through the forest. 

This was a genin level mistake. 

A tail of breadcrumbs that would get you killed, every time, without fail. 

Survival was imperative. 

Dying meant Konoha lost one of its best protectors. 

More than that, dying meant failure to uphold his responsibilities. 

Naruto could tell everyone he’d bring Sasuke back over and over, and all his classmates could believe him, that’s fine, they were young. 

Kakashi saw the way any lingering jounins’ mouths turned down at the edges when they overhead these words. 

These kids didn’t have the experience Kakashi did, that the other jounin and ANBU did. Their generation hadn’t lived through war, they hadn’t seen the in-fighting among the elders and clans, they only knew the destruction second-hand, as people they never got to meet and things they never got to see, lost before their time. 

They didn’t know how powerful revenge could make a person. 

Kakashi did. 

Sasuke may still be a child himself, but there was always a fierce shadow consuming the boy.

He’d never admit it, not out loud, but after their fight on the hospital rooftop, a chilling wave of reality he’d always dreaded came crashing down over Kakashi’s shoulders that night. With the village decimated by Orochimaru’s attack, he’d hardly had time to have many thoughts beyond  complete the mission, as one after another they piled up. Exhaustion was becoming the norm, both physically and mentally. Still, the alarming chirp of the his jutsu, perhaps foolishly passed down to the surviving Uchiha boy, and the unsettling swirl of chakra just centimeters from his hand as it had wrapped around Naruto’s wrist, were a constant presence in his psyche between accepted mission scrolls. 

He’d never forget it, didn’t need the sharingan to keep the memory sealed tight in his mind. 

The first night after their fight, he’d found cover in a small crevice tucked into a cliffside after completing his mission, taking a small reprieve to regain some strength before returning back to the village, still not fully recovered from Itachi’s attack. A heavy weight settled in his stomach as he accepted the inevitable.  

One day he’d have to kill Sasuke. 

That had become all the more clear after he’d abandoned the village and forsaken Konoha. 

Some part of Kakashi still wanted to believe Naruto, still wanted to see that there was another option for Sasuke, that he hadn’t been wrong to try and steer him back toward team 7, away from Itachi, away from Orochimaru, away from the false solitude of vengeance. 

Kakashi was a realist, though. 

Those fleeting hopes were hard to hold onto.

Instead, he tried to fool himself into thinking he could have the strength to do what the sandaime failed to.

Read the rest on AO3 here

[madara-fate]

Full disclosure: I used to be a SS shipper as genin but I absolutely detested the way Sasuke treated her in the future and shifted to Narusaku. I understand the "curse of hatred" it's still an abusive trope. It's like same as saying an alcoholic throwing bottles at his wife is because he's an addict and under influence but when he's sober he treats her better and she will fix him. No its still a red flag and Sakura deseves a lot better. Lots of Sasuke fans use the same excuse and it's gross

Are you actually comparing the Curse of Hatred to fucking alcoholism? And as if that weren’t already bad enough, you’re also comparing a drunk alcoholic abusing his wife, to two people who not only weren’t even in a relationship, but were also on the opposite sides of a fucking war where they were bound to get into physical conflicts. Are you actually serious?

Hopefully my swearing in the first paragraph was enough to connote my exact opinion of this ask, but I’ll elaborate anyway, because something like this deserves to be shown just how silly it truly is.

Before I say anything though, let’s firstly not forget that Naruto and Sakura were fully willing to force Sasuke into returning to the village, even if it meant breaking every bone in his body. And Sakura went to the Land of Iron with the intention of killing Sasuke, because you know, opposite sides of a war and all of that. But no let’s throw “abuse” around and blame it all on Sasuke, despite the multitude of times that he clarified that he wanted nothing to do with either of them, and yet they were the ones who kept forcing the issue. If Sasuke had his way, he would have kept his distance from Naruto and Sakura, you ponder on that.

Now having said that - Alcoholism Anon, is something that the drinker brings on themselves. They choose to drink excessively despite knowing what they’re like once they do so and the potential dangers and addictions that could follow, but they still drink anyway, and they get drunk, they do stupid things, and then they suffer the consequences of their actions, including eventual alcoholism.

However, Sasuke did not choose to get afflicted with the Curse of Hatred; He had no choice in the matter because it was a destiny that was thrust upon him as soon as he lost his family. Obito clarifies this in one of the panels that I used; I don’t just put them in there to make my posts look pretty. And quite frankly, that is already enough to render your horrible comparison completely null and void, but I’ll go further, just because I can.

Being drunk is a temporary state that will dissipate after a few hours, the Curse of Hatred is permanent; It’s not something that those afflicted with it can just recover from. When an alcoholic wakes up sober with their hangover, it likely won’t be long before they’re drinking again and being abusive again while drunk. But with the Curse, once you’re saved from it, it’s gone forever. It’s not like Sasuke is just gonna somehow randomly succumb to darkness again and start mistreating people. I mean, do you even have any idea of what Sasuke was actually like prior to the Curse, and what he’s like now that he’s been saved from it? Because if you did you’d know how ridiculous this ask is because you’d realise how good of a person he is. So while you go and say nonsense like how Sakura “deserves a lot better”, fans who actually know a thing or two about Sasuke will understand and agree with Naruto when he says something like this:

So what on earth were you even thinking when making this utterly horrid comparison? What “red flags” are you seeing currently with regards to Sasuke and Sakura’s relationship? Please tell me, because you obviously seem to think that the Curse is like alcoholism, so do you think that Sasuke may be addicted to some hatred infused tomatoes? So that whenever he eats them, he would succumb to hatred again and would start abusing Sakura behind closed doors? Because we clearly see no signs of abuse on panel/screen…

Honestly man, the amount of times I just thought to myself - “what the fuck is this” while reading your ask was simply staggering.

[stcnedheart]

𝐅𝐎𝐋𝐋𝐎𝐖 𝐅𝐎𝐑𝐄𝐕𝐄𝐑 !

      oh boi,  where do i even start..  okokokok,  guys,  i’ve only had this blog for a month or so but  WOWIE  the people in the naruto fandom are fucking  BREATHTAKING  and  MINDBLOWING  and  KIND  and  SMASH EVERY POSSIBLE POSITIVE ADJECTIVES HERE TBH  bc i sincerely cannot put how  AMAZING  you all are into words without feeling it is not enough and i’m a damn emotional mess today.  i’m not really reaching a milestone or anything like that,  i’m doing this because i’m so overwhelmed with my love and my appreciation for you guys and i just want to get it off my chest !!         first of all,  i want to thank everyone for putting up with my shit  ( and sakura’s stupid shenanigans )  which is really  INCREDIBLE  lmao,  and again,  i cannot tell you guys  HOW MUCH I ADORE THE FUCK OUT OF EVERY SINGLE ONE OF U  and i’m ugly sobbing in the corner.  you guys have been awfully kind and friendly to me that i honestly think i don’t deserve it ???  like the fuck why are these people so nice and lovely and wonderful and welcoming of me,  and i haven’t even mentioned their  SUPERB WRITING SKILL  yet.  reading the writings or the crack shenanigans on my dash never fails to amaze me and make me smile and you all cure my depression just by being around  !!  i love you all from the bottom of my heart and if anybody does anything to you guys i would kill them and then myself !!        second of all,  the list below here is the ppl who literally steal my kokoro away  ( don’t give it back,  kEEP IT )  and leave me a dying gross mush full of nothing but  PURE AFFECTION.

@shrineduty / @rosesplash / @lonefate​ / @your shit ton of blogs:  this here,  people,  i present to you  NANA.  nana is my best pal,  like the best of best of best of best,  she is someone who understands me so well,  so  CHARMING,  so  IDK I DON’T HAVE ANY WORDS LEFT  but she is just simply so  MARVELOUS  just by being there doing random shit that i can cry you a river talking about her.  we have known each other for only a year or so ??  it already feels like ages and man..  you are the best thing in my life.   

@yamixuzu / @yxndaiime:  my god i love this person.  i love their writing,  i love their portrayal of yami naruto,  i love talking with them,  i love plotting with them and i love their  EVERYTHING !!  if i were to be completely honest,  how can i not ??  this person is literally the embodiment of the word  FANTASTIC.  they put so many effort and emotion into their writing and it makes me tear up every time,  their portrayal of yami naruto likewise is always  TOP-NOTCH  and..  and  MAN I LOVE YOU.  and the mun ?  what a fucking blessed individual,  a gift to humanity.  seriously,  if you haven’t already,  follow them.  it will be worth it i swear.

@paintedbeasts:  one of the few people that decided to open up to me and interacted with my done-with-everything sakura when i first joined the naruto fandom.  tbh i would be lying if i said the naruto fandom didn’t scare the heck out of me at first because all of you looking dead serious blogs and i’m just a dumb potato,  but this beautiful person here,  she boosts my confidence with my portrayal of sakura,  she guides me into the naruto fandom like a big sister tbh,  she introduces me to other people and helps me feel like o shit i’m really a naruto blog.  she doesn’t do much formatting with her writings,  they are actually very simple but at the same time,  very her.  it’s what makes her portrayal so lovely and smooth !  does that make sense ?  i love her and you all should too.       

@oflightningandfire / @stonefvced:  meek !!  man, this dude is awesome.  like that word doesn’t even do him justice tbh.  he is also one of the first few people that gradually helps me become more familiar with the naruto fandom,  he helps me to flesh out more of my portrayal of sakura and for that, i’m forever grateful of him.  aside from that,  listen,  his sasuke and tobirama are just freaking  AWESOME.  like,  the most awesome of awesome.  how many times have i used that word today ?  sakura is here and all heart eyes motherfucker.     

    people i really want to interact / get to know more and you know,  we really should.

@shieldedsand: u and ur dumb sand.  ily.

@koikais / @teitais:  u two are here because of the soap shitposting sghjGF.  make my day.

@bitiing:  i want to write with you sooooooooooooooooo muchhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh but my brain is just dumb and i’m generally lazy...  ugly sobbing.

@explosionrelease:  ART WILL NEVER DIE.  ily.

@sunflowermade / @sunshincmade / @kageborne:  HIMAWARI IS SO CUTE ???  AND SO IS BORUTO.  sorry naruto,  aunt sakura loves them so much and would kidnap them if she could.....  don’t do it sakura.

@pea-cocky:  mAN I LOVE YOU.  GENIN SAKURA LOVES YOU.  

@kyousei:  u and ur hundreds of blogs.  i love them all.

@warfierce:  we have just followed each other but ayyyyy lmao i love u.

@kopiishi / @niceguyposes:  sakura-chan is watching u both with intense eyes because how romANTIC.

@foxkage / @firestcrm / @jishiin:  i love u man.  with all of mAH KOKORO.

@ikkakusenkin:  sparkling eyes,  SENSEI.

@incantatrxce:  pls izumi-nee-san,  take care of sakura. 

@sabakv / @kabukv / @karukv:  i love the sand siblings okAY.

@ninjapath / @chuninpath / @shinobipath:  NARUTO MULTIMUSE ROCK !!!!!!!

@ofjinchuuriki​:  pls adopt sakura as ur daughter.............

                                I HOPE I DIDN’T FORGET ANYONE !!!!!!!!!!!!                                         AGAIN,  I LOVE YOU ALLLLLL  !!!!!!!!

[darkpetal16]

Sure!

Sneak peak into Rotted Rowans, chapter 34 - Chuunin Exams (II)

"You MORONS!"

Anger was an understatement to what I felt at that moment. Anger was nowhere near as overwhelming, as enveloping, as explosive to the hot rage that made me glare with icy disdain at our living Genin.

Anger did not do what I felt justice.

"Fools. Idiots. Arrogant heroes," I spat out, watching the way they quivered and silently cried under my onslaught. "Survive! Survive was your only command. We told you over, and over, and over again to fucking survive. What did you do, though? You chose to kill your teammates over some trash."

"We—We didn't—" Shikamaru tried to say, tried to defend, tried to deny their blame.

"You think that because you didn't vote for this insane choice that somehow makes you blameless?" I snarled viciously, lashing out and giving them a taste of my barely constrained malice. They all physically flinched backward, the last bit of color they had on their faces draining away. "You think you get to feel better about your inaction? You arrogant worms! When your teammates choose wrong, you make them choose right!"

My hands clenched tightly into fists and I bit down hard on my inner cheek and abruptly straightened my back. 

I could deal with accepting their deaths if I had not prepared them well enough. I could take that blame, and keep it for myself if they were simply not strong enough. If they were simply not skilled enough to run away.

But no.

They had fucking chosen to stay.

They made the choice. They had the power, they had the skill, and out of childish idealism they chose stupidity. 

They chose to be heroes, and now they get to pay the price for it.

I wanted to explode on them. I wanted to give them so much fear, and so much anxiety when looking back on this they would never even consider doing such a stupid thing again.

But exploding would only get me so far.

No, no. If I wanted to instill true fear—

I cooled myself. My expression closed off, and I looked down on them as if they were maggots beneath my heel. My eyes hardened, and I changed my tone to become colder than ice, sharper than a dagger.

"You are to blame," I hissed out slowly, drawing it out and penetrating each of them with a chilling look of disdain. "You are all to blame for what has become of them. You did not fight against the choice, or worse, you went along with it. You are to blame for what they lost. And I will never let you forget that.

"Do not even think—do not even consider—the wish of retiring. Chouji died for your mistakes and you will carry out your duties as a shinobi with perfection for his honor. You will ensure this never happens again. You will learn from this. You will accept this guilt, this blood on your hands, and you will never forget what you did. You idiots are responsible for this mess, you idiots will keep this mess in your hearts. And if you idiots endanger another comrade like this ever again I will kill you myself."

I punctured the last sentence with a burst of killing intent, and the tears came faster, and harder from them. 

"You don't get to play children anymore," I told them icily. "You don't get to play innocent, and forgive yourselves any time soon. Your inaction, your failure, will define you now. Clean yourselves up, and apologize properly to each of their families. Now."

They scrambled, their legs weak and shaky from my scalding lecture, and as they neared the door to leave I drawled out, with a humorless smirk and a cold, dead, gleam in my eyes, "And congratulations, maggots. Welcome to the reality of this world."

They left.

[justbecauseiloveburningbitc-blog]

I hate Hinata Hyuga so much I have to create a tumblr account to burn her.

Naruto ended ages ago, but there’s no salvation to my soul. I got goosebumps every time I’m reminded of how retarded it is, like, you have this really nice, warm and uplifting friend, then one day all of a sudden he threw a tantrum like a kindergarten bitch and shitted in the central fountain for the world to see then picked up his shit and threw at random by-passers. That would surely scar you for life. That’s how it feels for me.

I hate the ending but I hate THE BITCH more. Actually, I think she and her retarded army of delusional fans are responsible for the terrible ordeal, and I hate the author for giving into their deranged fantasy and giving up all logic and ideals of the story. Look at the mess: Naruto (warm-hearted, kind, goofy but seriously loving) turns into Narcissist-ruto who abandons his family for paperwork and completely forgets about his best girl friend and becomes oblivious to her situations. His daughter is a bitch who made him unable to attend his own Hokage ceremony (not to mention how logic-fucking this is, like genin Naruto took 64-palms from the genius Neji but still got back to his feet, yet a God-level ninja fainted from a little girl who hadn’t even attended school? And what kind of fucking biology allows a byakugan to be awakened?), and his son is a son of a bitch, literally, rude to everybody without any reason. It goes so far as to give his daughter the personality of a hot-headed Sakura, and recently I even saw a meme of Hinata getting all hot-headed too. Laughable how they KNOW that the bitch is so lame they need to buff her up, yet task failed successfully. Needless to say, they ruined the story just for a single unworthy bitch.

Now actually I did not hate her when I first read the story. I’m a long time fan, and when I first read the ending I was just confused. Like, who is this bitch who got married to Naruto? I couldn’t even recall. She’s always been too out of the picture and made absolutely no impression whatsoever on me. I had to re-read the series, and that’s when all hell broke loose. 

She, by herself, is a disaster, as a character and as a person. As a character, she doesn’t serve any other purpose other than a fuck fantasy for the fanboy. She may get some hilariously weak power up, but never mature emotionally. From the beginning of the story to the end, her ninja way is just “chasing Naruto-kun to become a stronger person”. It never turns into a more mature version aka “getting to know my worth without having to chase after the shadow of anyone”. And now she’s become a housewife, what the fuck would she use her strength on? Beat the shit out of her crappy kids? And as a character she never has any other defining characteristics or moments of growth apart from stalking Naruto and stuttering.

I also feel like her fans are mistaking being shy and lame with being sweet and kind. Heck, in the manga she never showed kindness to anyone apart from Naruto. I just don’t get it how people say she’s a kind goddess. 

I despise the kind of person she is as well as the kind of so-called “love” for Naruto too. As a person she fails miserably. She never has any other goal apart from chasing after Naruto (and people bashed Sakura so much for chasing after Sasuke. If Sasuke trying to kill Sakura is bad then Naruto ignoring her confession is not an ounce better). Is chasing after Naruto even an authentic goal? He’s basically a God ninja now. And what would she use that strength on? For recognition? Then at the end of the series still nobody gives a shit about her (including her kids). For the Hyuga and her cousin Neji, who has been mistreated by the Main House? Nah. Never see her doing anything about it, even though it should be her duty to do so. What did she ever accomplish? It would have been fine, I know sometimes people just want to live their daily life, enjoying the small moments, that’s all. But announcing that she wants to overcome herself and then, being a tai-jutsu specialist and tripping over flat ground almost every battle she’s in is not exactly a favorable image. It’s like they want her to look as weak and pitiful as possible for dickheads who are failures themselves to jack off. Such a shallow goal and such a lame character. Now she fails in educating her kids too, which is laughable.

Her obsession with Naruto is not healthy either, and that cannot be called love - it would be an insult to love. It’s fangirling, no less than Sakura’s obsessions towards Sasuke. They did not understand the boys’ pain and suffering and they did not care about what the boys need and want - you can see over the series Sasuke obviously rejected Sakura so many times and HE MEANT IT, yet she never accepted it, while Hinata never cared how much Naruto suffered. She just saw him overcoming obstacles and built her fantasy of him on them, but never got to know the person. She used his image as a source of inspiration for herself, but never tried to look at the person himself. When he suffered the most, she looked from a far and thought about how he is ... just like her, rather than how painful he is and how to help him overcome that. It’s like there’s an accident and the onlookers just pass by the victim. You stay to look at him and thinks “poor him, but look how he’s holding up, I like it, I want to be strong like that”. It’s weird and it’s selfish, and you are by no means a good person for thinking like that. She never wants Naruto the person, she wants her idea of Naruto. I get that she’s “shy”, but there’re tons of ways to anonymously care for someone: you can send a letter of encouragement, you can make lunch and put it in his bag when no one is looking, things like that. Come to think about it, being unable to let people know is being shy, but being unable to take actions is just being useless and/or dumb. I mean, it’s okay when you are young and pathetic, but it’s not okay if you’re all grown up but still pathetic. That’s exactly what she is, for if the one thing she’s up to is Naruto, she better do it better. But no! That kind of person doesn’t even have the right to confess, let alone be praised for... watching him from afar. I HATE THIS KIND OF PERSON THE MOST. And I hate her delusional fans too. Fuck you! You ruined my childhood series! 

To be completely objective, I would not have hated her with such a passion if she did not get promoted into a “main char” of some sort. As a background character I couldn’t have cared less. But chapter 700 ruined it for me. Fuck you bitch! But I guess this bitch and Narcissist-ruto make a nice pair of useless depressed couple. For myself, things forever stop at when team 7 united, and I’ll keep my sweet boi Naruto forever that way.

[fineillsignup]

Who Is Responsible When It Becomes a Triangle (NaruSakuSasu, T, 1/?)

@senju-sandwich I am your fic exchange secret Santa in July-ish type person!

Your prompt: "Soulmate AU where just cause you’re soulmates, that doesn’t mean things will be perfect and easy. Maybe Sasuke or Kakashi as anti-soulmate stuff but gradually being okay with it. BAMF Sakura, team 7 friendship & family or romance if you’re going with NaruSakuSasu, but I’d love a happy Team 7 no matter the ship."

I have always wanted to read a NaruSakuSasu with a one-sided soulmate triangle (Naruto -> Sakura -> Sasuke -> Naruto). So I took this as the universe telling me to write it myself.

I know it’s supposed to be a finished one-shot fic for the fic exchange--but even though I was really trying hard to get it finished, I just couldn’t manage it, and it was really messy at the end. So I’m publishing it as a chaptered fic instead, starting with the prelude, which I am fairly pleased with. I hope to get the entire story finished ASAP, final word count maybe 4 or 5k.

Available on AO3 or below!

Sakura started believing in soulmates at nine years old.

"Why can't we learn something interesting in kunoichi class," Ino said that day, nice and loud so that Suzume-sensei could hear from the other end of the table.

Suzume-sensei, mid-sentence about table manners, paused, looked at Ino, shut her mouth, and opened it again, and shut it again. Someone giggled. The swots and good girls, like Sakura, held back smiles.

Emboldened, Ino added, even louder, "I mean, what's the use of learning about how to drink soup? Don't we all know that already from our families?"

The orphans and the low-class students in the class nodded and laughed even harder at this, so as not to give themselves away.

"Well, what do you think is interesting, Yamanaka Ino?" Suzume-sensei suddenly barked, her curls swaying in stark contrast to the rigidity of the rest of her body.

Ino was not so easily daunted. "Something we haven't learned elsewhere—something exciting! Seduction technique or, or... or soulmates!"

The mention of "soulmates" set a hum and chatter among the girls.

"Yes please do teach us about soulmates!"

"Do they really exist?"

"Course they do; my big sister's got one."

"Girls!" Suzume-sensei shrilly cut through the chorus. "We are here to learn useful etiquette for disguising yourself in your future missions! Soulmates are not useful for kunoichi!"

The teacher never really got it together after that, and the class ended with the bell, but Sakura learned that soulmates were real. And when she filed back into the the classroom and eyed the dark, sharp hair of Sasuke-kun, she knew who hers must be.

———

Sasuke started believing in soulmates at seven years old.

"Mama," he said, as his mother tucked him into bed, "what is Ayako?"

His mother nearly stumbled, first in her movements--an impossible thing for the effortlessly graceful kunoichi--and then in her words: "Nobody. Who told you...? Nobody."

"But Father has it written on him," Sasuke protested, interally hoping for a praise on how clever he was to be able to work out the kana he had seen written on his father's chest.

"Nobody," repeated Mikoto, distressed. "I think you're old enough to bathe without your father from now on. Goodnight."

"Nii-san," he managed to say to his brother's disappearing back some days later, "wait, Nii-san!"

To his delight, Itachi paused and looked back.

"Do you know what is Ayako?"

Itachi looked down at him. "You saw it written...?"

"On Father," Sasuke agreed eagerly.

"Did you ask Father?"

"No.. Father doesn't... I asked Mama, but she was unhappy..."

Itachi also looked unhappy, in the very slight downturn of his mouth. "You'll learn when you're older how an Uchiha earns their eyes."

"But I want to know NOW," Sasuke protested as Itachi started to turn to go. "Why do you always say later, later, later, Nii-san! If you tell me now, I can practice for later!"

All he got were fingers to the forehead, until a horrible night sometime later.

"Foolish little brother," his parents' murderer said, "you want to know how to get eyes like mine? By killing the one whose name appears on your chest—your soulmate."

———

Naruto started believing in soulmates at four years old.

"What?! Why ya gotta choose HIM?" Naruto screamed at the new parents leading the toddler away at the orphanage. "He still pees in a diaper -ttebayo! He's not a big boy like me! I wouldn't make any mess or... well, some mess, but I'd help clean up..."

The two new parents only rushed away faster. The blond's shoulders slumped.

"Naruto-chan," creaked the tremulous voice of his foster mother, Kaede-baa-chan. "Shall I tell you a secret?"

The little jinchuuriki clambered up into the ancient woman's lap. She only smiled, despite the pain of the cancer in her bones.

"You're soon to age out of the orphanage, my boy," she said. "But don't worry about that. Whether you get parents or not, one day, a name will appear here." She traced a line over his heart. "And that will be the one who will be your heart's joy, the only one who can make you truly happy in this world. And once their name is on your chest, when you touch them..." She lowered her voice to a whisper. "Your fingers will glow."

"Really?" Naruto whispered back enthralled.

"It isn't real for everyone," Kaede-baa-chan conceded, "but I believe it will be for you. There will be someone out there who is special—oh, but VERY special!"

"And I'll be special for them too dattebayo!"

———

Kakashi was twenty-six when he told his three cute little genin that soulmates were a lot of bullshit.

"Ninja don't get soulmates," he said brutally. "Ninja can't find happiness in another person, and ninja don't get happy endings."

"Didn't any of the Hokage have soulmates?" Naruto asked, or more challenged. Sakura looked destroyed. Sasuke wasn't looking at any of them.

Kakashi thought of Minato-sensei, whose flame-haired bride somehow unleashed the beast that killed them both.

He thought of Lord Third, who lost his wife in the same attack.

He thought of Lord Second, who died alone, and Lord First, whom they said was dead inside from the moment Uchiha Madara left the village.

"None of them," Kakashi lied.

Naruto huffed. "Well! I'm gonna be the first Hokage with a soulmate then 'ttebayo!"

———

Sakura's fingers glowed first, wrapped around a cursed boy in the Forest of Death.

Sasuke's fingers glowed second, as his face hovered over an unconscious boy in the Final Valley.

As for Naruto's fingers, they didn't glow until a pink-haired girl embraced him in the hospital and told him that next time they'd rescue Sasuke together.

Kakashi, sitting outside on the hospital windowsill, let out an unheard breath.

Well, he thought to himself, this is another fucking disaster.

Kakashi as Team 7 sensei:

[legend-of-shinobi-shikamaru]

Blab and Psst

Blab: three secrets they’re keeping.“Why do you want to know about the secrets I have? …I can’t even think of things I could to share, ugh…Here I go. First, I used to be able to count the amount of times I’ve cried on one hand, for a long time. I was proud of that fact. Now I can’t even count on two, and I don’t know how I feel about it.Second, I used to smoke a few times a month, then a few times a week. Recently, though, I’ve been smoking multiple times a day. If my mother ever finds out, she’ll kill me.Third …Why did it have to be three things? Ugh…I’ll just think of something from long ago. You can’t know all my secrets yet, Hyūga. I once went on a mission when I was a genin that was overnight. I slept out in a cave, and when I woke up, I was covered in tarantulas. I was a kid then, and it still haunts me now. They’ve terrified me ever since. Skittery and…ugh.“

Psst: Three things they’ve always wanted to tell your character.“Ahh….this is so troublesome. There’s a reason I’ve always wanted to but haven’t yet, you know.First, I always wanted to apologise for nearly getting you killed my first mission as a chūnin. I was incompetent, and my inability to find a successful strategy nearly cost you your life…It never felt like a good time to bring it up, though. I guess now is as good as ever. Second, I admire your drive. People have said that you’re the second genius of Konoha, but there’s more to you than just that. Your ability to defy the path set before you, the strength you’ve developed despite what your elders told you…It’s admirable. Some part of me wishes I had that level of dedication. (The rest of me really doesn’t. I’d never wake up at dawn to train, fuck that.) Third…Out of…everyone in the village…You’re, you know, not that…bad looking. I’m not elaborating on that any more or else I’ll make an idiot of myself.This was so troublesome to answer. I hope you’re happy, Hyūga."

[cyhyr]

Whumpmas In July: Hope

Fandom: Naruto

Rating: E

Pairing: Hatake Kakashi/Umino Iruka

WC: ~7040

Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply

Notes: Hospitalization, Mental Health Issues, Dissociation, Therapy, Making Up, Communication, Heavy Conversations, Angst, Triggers, Recovery, Frottage, Rimming, Safewords

A/N: Remember how I'm garbage at interpreting prompts? The vibe of Hope is there. But it's not... explicitly stated? This is just a little bit of plot. And a lot of filth.

A/N2: Terminal lucidity is a thing for coma patients; but it's SUPER rare. I am, however, making the shit up about dissociation, if that's not how it works. I just wanna write a fun story where I put this guy through as much pain as possible; and I only ever give myself three days to write these stories and that does not leave time for research. I apologize in advance.

Follow-up to “Secret”

For @whumpmasinjuly prompt list

Read on The Archive

~

Kakashi has time built up. He hasn’t taken time for himself since Rin—oh, but anyway—and so he’s able to wait. And wait. He stays in the village, walking around during the day and hanging in one specific tree outside the hospital at night.

In the dim light of the early morning, Kakashi crouches outside the window of Iruka’s hospital room and watches over him as he sleeps. Once he brought Iruka back to the village, Tomi-sensei admitted him for inpatient care. She promised to oversee his care personally, and reported directly to Tsunade morning and night.

It’s been almost a week.

…

Kakashi watched Iruka stumble back from Mizuki, hands dripping blood into the floor. The kunai drops with an echoing thud to the floor—

Followed by Iruka, dropping hard to his knees.

Kakashi skidded in behind him and clutched him, back to his chest. The pack whined and yipped around him and he couldn’t care because Iruka was under again and there’s no reason for it.

“Love? Iruka, please, talk to me.”

“Boss—”

“No, Urushi,” he snapped. He turned Iruka in his lap, cradled him in the crook of one arm and braced him against his knee. “Iruka, please,” he begged, shaking him gently.

“Bull, Bisuke, Shiba—get the doc and bring her in here,” Pakkun barked.

Kakashi fell back on his heels and pulled Iruka into his lap, ever closer. “Iruka, tell me what you need, please.”

Iruka’s eyes were distant and unfocused, his breath coming in soft pants. He was limp in Kakashi’s arms, a soft weight on his thighs.

The door opened and a high-pitched gasp caught his attention. Kakashi turned to face Rikona as she stepped closer, three of the pack herding her along with bared teeth.

“What’s happening to him?” he growled.

Rikona crossed the cabin, knelt beside him, and hovered her fingertips over Iruka’s neck. “I…”

“Do your fucking job,” he hissed.

She checked his pulse, held fingers in front of his open mouth, and tipped his chin up to look in his eyes. She frowned. “Why is he bloody?”

“Look behind you.”

Rikona did, and choked on a scream.

Kakashi held back a smirk. She still hadn’t told him how this could have happened.

“Mi-Mizu—”

“We don’t care about the dead rapist,” Kakashi seethed. “What happened to Iruka? Why is he under???”

“Dissociation, especially in Iruka-sensei’s case, is a defensive response,” Rikona answers quickly. “The mind can’t handle current events, and as such it just. Turns off. Sometimes learned behaviors can be conditioned during these times, as they… seem to have been, with him. B-but mostly he’s just… overwhelmed.”

“So he’ll wake up in a little bit?”

“I don’t… I don’t know. He’s been slipping under too much lately, and having been forced under just tonight… I swear, Hatake-san, I didn’t know—”

“You think I give a fuck about your apologies right now???” Kakashi snapped. In his arms, Iruka flinched hard, and tears started welling up in the corners of his eyes. “Shit, Love, no, please, not you, not you,” he whispered quickly, rocking them both back and forth, petting Iruka’s hair and kissing his forehead, his eyelids, his cheeks. “Everything’s alright, I’m sorry, I’m sorry…”

“Bring him to Tomi-sensei,” Rikona said softly, gently; she didn’t seem to want to invoke a negative response in either of them. “She knows about his episodes, she can design a treatment program for him.”

“What, and leave you here?”

“I plan to turn myself in,” Rikona reiterated.

“Forgive me if I can’t trust you,” Kakashi gritted. “Pack, two to the Hokage to report the incident, the rest escort her to T&I.” He gathered Iruka into his arms, sliding his arm under his knees and pressing his way up to standing. Bull came behind him to brace him as he stood. “Thanks,” he muttered down at him once he was on his feet.

Pakkun shook his head. “Go. Get Iruka-Boss to the hospital. We’ll check in when we can.”

Kakashi flickered away through a smashed window. With Iruka tucked against him, he flew through the trees back to the village.

(He doesn’t remember crying.)

(He doubts he made it the whole way without shedding at least one tear.)

…

Tomi-sensei says he’s making progress. Tsunade tells him that she won’t let Iruka stay under forever; that she’ll find a way to bring him back.

Kakashi watches Iruka open his eyes, still glassy and unfocused. He leaves the tree once his nurse comes in to help Iruka get cleaned up and fed.

He’s so tired.

~

Rikona doesn’t get a trial. Once before them, she admits to everything before the Counsel and the Hokage.

It doesn’t stop Kakashi from catching up to the ANBU team escorting her to prison and asking for a few minutes alone with her.

And if she needs Otter to heal her arm from the multiple fractures she sustains after that meeting… and if Otter messes up their jutsu enough that the fractures don’t all heal correctly… and if Rikona never regains full range of motion for her arm…

Well. They can’t pin that on Kakashi.

The ANBU team never saw him.

And he was also seen sparring with Gai at the time.

~

He’s stepping over Bull to get to the living room, watering can in hand. When Iruka comes home, his plants will be perfect. The whole pack is lounging around the room; Iruka would love having his house so full.

He finishes watering one plant, and a knock comes at the front door. Kakashi glares down at all the ninken and says, “What, no warning?”

“It’s just a messenger,” Shiba groans.

Kakashi goes to the door and presses his palm to the wood to undo the seals. When he opens the door, a genin messenger stands on the porch.

He bows. “Hatake-san. Tomi-sensei has asked that you come to the hospital.”

Kakashi nods, projecting calm for the genin, and shuts the door.

The calm, of course, was a façade. “PACK, DISPERSE.” He throws his feet into his sandals and feels the pull on his chakra from the ninken release as they all leave. He slips his vest and hitai-ate on, resets the wards, and takes off out the kitchen window—the one that faces in the direction of the hospital.

He’s across the village and launching himself through the window beside the admission desk on the third floor mental health unit in minutes. Aiko-chan startles at his palms slamming down on her desk, but she smiles and points to the hallway leading to Tomi-sensei’s office. He passes the few people in the waiting room, not quite running anymore, not while he’s inside the hospital, and stops in front of Tomi-sensei’s door

He knocks.

“Come in.”

The door creaks softly as he pushes it open. He’s spent so much time in this office over the last week, discussing treatment options and hearing how much progress Iruka seems to be making. He doesn’t want to step foot in a hospital again after he gets Iruka home.

Tomi-sensei smiles when she catches his eye. He barely spares her a glance before he’s falling to his knees in front of one of the two other chairs on the other side of her desk, placing one hand on the arm of the chair and reaching the other up, hesitantly, to cup Iruka’s cheek.

“Hello, Love,” Iruka says, his voice soft and weak.

Kakashi’s voice is just as soft, and he desperately holds back the urge to cry. “You’re okay?”

Iruka shakes his head. “Definitely not. I… I killed him, Kakashi.”

“Rikona’s in prison.”

“And she tricked—!”

“Gods, I’m sorry,” Kakashi shoves his head into Iruka’s chest, the hospital scrubs too clean and smelling of bleach and it’s overriding Iruka’s own scent—the scent he’d lost, fuck—and that just can’t stand. He reaches one hand around Iruka’s back and slides it up and under the back of his shirt, to feel warm skin on his palm, and he leans up and nuzzles into Iruka’s neck and oh there he is.

Iruka

“You have nothing to apologize for,” Iruka says, guiding him closer with a hand on the back of his head. “This. It’s just another hurdle.”

“It’s a big fucking hurdle.”

Iruka shakes with silent, humming laughter. “Still. I’m here, Kakashi.”

“I—”

Tomi-sensei clears her throat softly, interrupting them. “Hatake-san, he’ll need to stay under surveillance for at least two more days, to be sure this resurfacing isn’t terminal lucidity.”

“Terminal…?” He pulls out of Iruka’s neck and looks at her. “What is that?”

“Similar to a coma patient,” Tomi starts. “There are cases wherein a coma patient wakes up, feels perfectly fine for a few hours or a day or two, and then dies anyway. In a similar fashion, we’re understandably concerned for Iruka-sensei’s mental state; that this might be like one final gasp before he dissociates permanently.”

Kakashi turns back to Iruka and leans in again. He slips his hitai-ate off, and presses his temple against Iruka’s chest to hear his heartbeat. Iruka holds his hitai-ate for him, and holds him, and the thought that he could lose this for good settles in his gut and—and—

One tear falls from each eye; his own, and Obito’s.

~

Kakashi stays just outside the hospital, in the same tree beside Iruka’s window, for two more days. Tomi-sensei lets him visit during the day, and he does and he keeps Iruka company; she says that physical contact could help Iruka remain present. He holds Iruka’s hands and presses kisses to whatever skin he’s allowed and helps him go through his sensory exercises every hour and a half. The kitchen sends up a second lunch and dinner for him so he can eat beside Iruka, and when Iruka eyes his gelatin he gladly gives it up in exchange for a kiss.

And then when visiting hours are over and Iruka has to go to sleep, Kakashi kisses him one last time and jumps out the window. He pretends, for Iruka’s sake, to go home; he really just hides up on the roof for an hour and then goes down to the tree and waits for morning.

If something were to happen…

But the two days of surveillance pass without a hitch and when he comes in on the third day, after having run home for a shower and clean blacks, Iruka is eating breakfast with a wide smile and a fresh uniform laid out on the chair beside his bed.

“Hello, Love,” Kakashi says, grinning back. “Good news?”

“Tsunade-sama just left,” Iruka says through a mouthful of rice. He swallows. “I still need a month of leave at least, but I’m cleared to move to outpatient care.” He motions to the uniform, “Shizune-san brought me a new uniform; the one you brought me in with was… um.”

“Unsalvageable.”

“Yes.”

“I would have burned it if they tried to give it back to you.”

Iruka chuckles. “You’re sweet.”

Kakashi shrugs. “You don’t need that kind of reminder soaked into your clothes.”

“Even if they’ve been cleaned?”

“Iruka. You would still know.”

He smiles into his lap. “That’s true. You understand me so well.”

“I love you,” Kakashi sighs. “Understanding comes with the territory.”

Iruka’s blush is gorgeous. “I love you, too.”

“Do you know your therapy schedule?”

“No. Tomi-sensei is scheduled to be here in—um—ten minutes. She’s gonna give me discharge papers and go over a therapy schedule then.”

“Want me to help you get dressed?”

“After I finish eating.”

~

Kakashi sets the paper bag of prescription bottles on the table in the genkan and offers his hand to Iruka to help him balance so he can toe out of his sandals. One of the side-effects of the medications he’s taking to help keep the dissociation at bay and his mood stable is vertigo.

(Iruka had asked if Kakashi could wait until the lunch hour, when everyone is busy with meals and meetings—and he blushed and stammered all the while he tried to get the words out but finally he muttered, “Could you just… carry me? I can’t—I don’t wanna trip the whole way home…”

“Always.”)

Vests, hitai-ate, wrappings, gloves, most weapons; all get set in their place in the genkan. And then he leads Iruka to the kitchen and sits him down at the table, holding out his arms on either side of Iruka’s shoulders for a moment. “Alright?”

Iruka hasn’t stopped grinning since they left the hospital. “I’m fine, Kakashi.”

He slowly lowers his arms. “Tea?”

“Something weak, please.” Iruka lays his head down on his arms, on the tabletop, and Kakashi feels his eyes tracking him across the kitchen as he moves about. Water in the kettle, kettle on the stove, tea tins out of the cabinet; cups, honey, a spoon; the diffuser of a puppy with its paws curved in such a way that when he puts it on the edge of the cup it’ll hang there while the tea steeps.

After quiet minutes pass and the kettle whistles, Kakashi puts a cup of herbal tea in front of him, the puppy diffuser facing Iruka. He slides the honey closer in case he wants some, but he specifically wants it weak. Iruka takes the diffuser out of the tea a minute later, as Kakashi is placing a plate of crackers on the table within easy reach.

“Not hungry,” Iruka says, cupping his fingers around the tea and inhaling the light floral scent.

“That’s the medication talking,” Kakashi points out. “You should eat. Even just two bites.”

Iruka takes a cracker and nibbles at it. He lifts his head enough to take a sip of tea.

“Love, I… I know I should wait.”

“Kakashi?”

“But I need to know,” Kakashi reaches across the table to link their fingers together. “When you were… dreaming.”

Iruka goes pale, and Kakashi knows.

“It wasn’t Sato, was it?”

His voice is small and reserved. “No. No it wasn’t.”

“And Tsunade-sama said you had received correspondence from Mizuki. Before I came home.”

“I did. Rikona-sensei made it look like it came from the prison, but it wasn’t.”

“But it was his words, and his handwriting.”

“Yes.”

“And you… you hid it from me. You lied to me.”

“I… yes. I did. Kakashi—”

“Why?” He’s trying so hard to keep his voice from going cold, but the anger is rising and Iruka needs to have a good reason, please, gods let him have a good reason.

Iruka puts his head back down on his arms. He looks so tired. He should have waited, but he needs to know. “Tomi-sensei said it’s a thing that… that the abused tend to do.”

Kakashi’s heart stops. Iruka’s never… never referred to Mizuki as abusive, never let Kakashi say it either. He waits for Iruka to continue, and continue he does.

“It’s an ingrained habit; a learned behavior. One that I never… I never unlearned,” Iruka sighs lightly. “The habit to protect him. To shrug off his behavior. To try and… and explain it away, even if only to myself.”

“You were protecting—”

“You’ve expressed a constant desire to kill him. In that exact moment, yes, all I could think about was how do I keep one lover from killing the previous one. That he used to… to—”

Iruka stumbles to his feet and trips over himself to the sink, braces his arms on the counter, and breathes harshly. “He-he… oh gods, I fucking let him do this to me and—”

“Iruka, deep breaths,” Kakashi comes up behind him and places his hand on Iruka’s belly. “Push my hand out, that’s it. Deeper, slower now. I’m sorry, I know this isn’t the time for this conversation—”

“He raped me. He used to even wh-when Naruto was in the next room,” Iruka cries. “He threatened to hurt Naruto, and I gave him myself instead. I gave him everything! And he still. He still. Gods, Kakashi, I killed him. He’s gone. Why don’t I feel… I don’t know, lighter?”

“You still killed, Iruka,” Kakashi says. He keeps his tone low, soothing, pressing his chest along the length of Iruka’s back, stroking Iruka’s belly through his shirt. “You killed him, but you… you loved him, once. That. That’s going to hurt.”

It hurts to say it out loud. That Iruka had once loved that bastard. But, gods, it’s true, isn’t it.

“I wanted to protect him,” Iruka sniffles. “I never wanted you to… I didn’t think it would get this bad. I thought I just needed to sleep it off, that once I got some sleep, I could burn the note and everything would just. Be okay. And then the second letter came—”

“The one Rikona forged, the request.” Kakashi barely held back the growl.

Iruka nods. Kakashi can feel his stomach clench under his palm; he nudges Iruka just a little further over the sink. “And I just. I was slipping. So I went to see her, because it seemed like the thing to do. Because she was supposed to be part of my support system. Because you were already leaving again for another mission and I didn’t want to bother you—”

“You are never a bother, Love,” Kakashi kisses his cheek.

“I just wanted to know how he found me. I didn’t want him dead. I didn’t want to kill him,” Iruka cries harder, tears dripping into the sink. “Gods, Kakashi, I never wanted him dead. He betrayed the village, he hurt Naruto, he—he deserved to live with what he’d done.”

“I know,” Kakashi says; he doesn’t understand, but he knows that that’s Iruka’s position.

“But he leveled that kunai at you and I—I was so far under if it had been anyone else I probably wouldn’t have come back.” Iruka wipes at his face with the back of his hand, takes in a shaky breath. “I’m sorry for lying. I was going to tell you. I just needed to sleep, first.”

“I would have investigated it for you.”

“I wouldn’t have wanted you to,” Iruka shakes his head. “I just wanted you to stay with me. I meant what I said in Rikona’s office. I need you as that steady, sturdy place I can fall when life goes to shit.”

“Still. Iruka, I just wanted to help.”

“You would have tried to kill him.”

Kakashi says nothing to that.

“I couldn’t… can’t. I don’t know—” Iruka shivers against him, and Kakashi hugs him close and rocks them back and forth gently. His hands come up and hold onto Kakashi’s arms, and Kakashi buries his face in Iruka’s neck. “I remember,” Iruka starts slowly, “when we were teenagers, my jōnin-sensei asked about the bruises on my neck, my wrists, m-my hips, once when we went to an onsen. And I remember telling her that my boyfriend and I just like it rough. And she was. She was so upset.”

“There were many people who were aware of what was happening,” Kakashi says slowly, “but we couldn’t do anything unless you spoke up, or we caught him in the act. And your apartment was always perfectly sealed.”

Iruka freezes. “You. You knew?”

“I was never on those squads,” Kakashi says, now leading Iruka by the hands to the living room, so they could sit back down. “I only heard about it from Sandaime, and from the ANBU locker room. The old man had squads watching over you on nights Mizuki would stay over.”

“How many… how many people know?”

“Iruka.”

“How many?”

“There were only ever the two squads, that I knew about,” Kakashi sighs, bringing Iruka to sit on the couch. “Of those, half are dead. Two are retired. The other two are still active. They were usually really good about only talking about it when they were alone, but I walked in on their conversations a few times. I’m sure others did, too.”

Iruka leans his head in his palms, his elbows on his knees.

Kakashi rubs his back. “Love, I had an idea of what I was getting into. And I decided that you were worth it anyway.”

Iruka makes a soft, keening sound. “Sap.”

“I keep choosing you, every day, after every trial we go through. And I fully intend to keep choosing you for a long time.”

“Oh gods, Kakashi, you can’t just say that.”

“I forgive you for lying,” Kakashi says, shifting closer and nuzzling Iruka’s hair. “Just don’t ever keep stuff like that from me again, please.”

Iruka leans into him, removing his hands from his face. He looks up at Kakashi and those eyes are glistening with tears still unshed and it hurts Kakashi’s heart to see him cry, so he carefully brushes the tears back and strokes his fingers down the side of Iruka’s face. And… it’s been long enough, hasn’t it?

“Gods, Iruka,” Kakashi murmurs, “You…”

He smiles softly and the room warms and Kakashi’s breath hitches.

“Me?” Iruka asks.

Kakashi pulls Iruka up to lay on his chest, holding him close. He pushes Iruka’s bangs back—they’d fallen out of the low tie at the back of his neck. It’s been two months, and he knows that he could fuck this up if he’s not really ready for this, but gorgeous and striking and handsome just don’t cut it and he needs—he needs—

“You’re so beautiful,” Kakashi whispers.

And his heart picks up, but Iruka stays in front of him and even grips him tighter.

~

Part of the therapy schedule includes a couple’s therapy session and Kakashi hates it, but for Iruka he goes. And once he’s there he just… zones out.

He watches the window; the trees waving in the wind outside. He holds Iruka’s hand and lets him talk and field all the questions and when their hour is up he stands and follows Iruka out. Iruka doesn’t seem upset at his lack of desire to participate, just… resigned.

It happens twice.

The third time, Kakashi tries. He pays attention.

The therapist—Osamu-sensei—asks if they’ve decorated the upstairs, what is to be Naruto’s room when he returns from training with Jiraiya. Iruka looks embarrassed for a moment, like he doesn’t want to answer.

“We’re waiting for Naruto to come home,” Kakashi says, “so he can pick out his own furnishings.”

It startles both Iruka and Osamu-sensei, but the therapist brightens up immediately. “You think of Iruka-sensei’s house as home, too, then?”

“I… well, I think of Iruka as home,” Kakashi admits. This is therapy. If he can’t admit it here, then where?

Iruka blushes a deep red, so very fetching with his eyes.

“And, Iruka-sensei, your response?”

“That’s. Um. Honestly, I just hadn’t had the time. It’s only been about a month since I moved and we’ve not heard from Naruto in… a while. So. I figure we have time.”

Osamu-sensei nods. “Looking at the future, then. Both of you.” He makes a scribble. “I’m very happy you’ve joined the conversation, Kakashi-san.”

“Maa… it’s to help Iruka, so,” he shrugs, and he hopes it comes off as nonchalant.

“Even if that’s your motivation, we’re glad to have you.”

The session goes by faster after that.

~

And Iruka’s happier when they get home, so much happier. Three weeks on the medication and he’s adjusted to most of the side-effects, even if the full effect of the mood stabilizers won’t occur for another two or three weeks. They get inside and strip off vests, wrappings, hitai-ate, sandals—and once they’re down to their uniform blacks Iruka takes his hands and leads him to the bedroom.

“Can I—?”

“Are you ready for this?” Kakashi interrupts him, stopping them just in the doorway.

Iruka presses his palms to Kakashi’s chest and grins. “Are you going to let a dead man stop me from stripping for you?”

Kakashi groans. “I’m trying to be a good person. I’m trying. So hard. To be what you need to recover.”

Iruka backs up into the bedroom, pulling his shirt up and over his head. He throws the shirt at Kakashi's face and says, “Yes, I know. So, so hard.”

Kakashi catches the shirt and pulls it away, to watch as Iruka continues by unbuttoning his trousers and slowly lowering the zip. His mouth goes dry.

“Kakashi, I want you,” Iruka says, shimmying out of his trousers, kicking them aside, and then he’s standing in front of the bed—their bed, in all but name, gods—in his boxers and sticking his thumbs in the elastic and pulling down, down, down…

“Iruka. Please. Please don’t tease—”

“Who said I’m teasing? Don’t you want me, too?”

“Fuck, yes.”

“Then why are you still in the doorway?”

He’s not, not for long. He tears his own shirt off over his head as he stalks forward, tossing it carelessly aside and then reaching for Iruka, Iruka, bare and bronze and warm, and skimming his fingertips over chest, waist, arms, abs—

“Kakashi, please,” Iruka whimpers, his own arms coming up and encircling his neck.

“Ask. Whatever you want, Love, it’s yours,” he murmurs.

“Kiss me.”

He does, oh he does. Kakashi catches Iruka’s lips in his teeth and moves their mouths together gently to find a rhythm of kisses and licking and breathing, designed to overwhelm Iruka with sensation and keep him here. The most precious sounds escape his throat, soft moans and sighs as he trails his hands over Kakashi’s shoulders and down his chest. Kakashi reaches down with both hands and cups Iruka’s ass, groaning deep in his chest as he squeezes each cheek.

“Hold on,” he mutters against Iruka’s lips. His arms tighten around his neck, and then Kakashi lifts Iruka, his weight full in his hands and the plush warmth of his ass spilling from between his fingers. Iruka swings his legs around Kakashi’s waist and Kakashi groans into their kiss to feel the flex and stretch of muscle under his palms. He steps closer to the bed, turns, and sits down with Iruka on his lap.

They’re both hard. He needs to remove layers. Shit, he should have taken his trousers off first.

Iruka’s still kissing him, fingers in his hair and teeth biting at his mouth; his hips, at the same time, are rocking slowly across his thighs and he’s driving Kakashi crazy. He shifts back along the bedspread, keeping Iruka attached to him at the hips. And then Iruka puts a hand in the center of his chest and gently pushes, and Kakashi falls first to his elbows, and then all the way to his back.

He grabs Iruka’s hips, flexes his own, and shifts them fully onto the bed. Iruka groans at the movement, bracing his hands on Kakashi’s shoulders. He looms over Kakashi, and smiles down at him.

It’s perfect.

Iruka grinds back against Kakashi’s cock and it’s heaven and hell at the same time. “Love you,” Kakashi rambles breathlessly. “Fucking sexy, riding me like this, gods Iruka you look perfect—love you, love you, love you.”

“Kakashi—oh—”

He bites his lip and tosses his head back, frotting faster and harder and Kakashi gets his hands back on where they belong, pulls him closer and tighter and relishes the loud moan he receives.

“Gods among us, Iruka, your ass—”

He plants his feet and grinds, holding Iruka against him all the while. The pressure, the friction, the heat; it’s maddening. He’s panting, desperate for a good breath and unable to take one.

“K’shi, I—ahh, yes, fuck—wanna… want, oh-oh—”

“Whatever you want. Take it. It’s yours.”

Iruka leans down and kisses him again, slowing their hips to a more gentle frot and tweaking one of his nipples. Kakashi groans and lets himself be devoured, panting into Iruka’s mouth while their tongues slip and slide together. Iruka’s kisses slow to a simmer, both of them gasping and touching and still slowly grinding.

Iruka licks their lips; laughs lightly; and says, “I want. I wanna ask for something. A-and it just—I don’t like asking because it always feels like a bad idea at the time, like if I want it, there’s no way you also could want it… y’know?”

“Iruka. Love. Please ask. The last time you had one of these so-called ‘bad ideas’ it turned into one of my favorite things you do for me.”

It helps immensely that Iruka also enjoys warming Kakashi’s cock.

Iruka flushes dark and holds himself up on his palms, braced on the pillow to either side of Kakashi’s ears. His boxers have a damp spot, one that Kakashi can feel against his belly as Iruka continues to slowly rock his hips back and forth over Kakashi’s own erection.

“Okay. Um.” Iruka’s eyes shut tight, and Kakashi grins. Whatever he’s going to ask, he’s sure to enjoy it. “Well, so I was. Thinking. About things I never did with… anyway. And during a break from him, there was this one guy—”

“Love?”

“Gods, okay. Um.” He takes a deep breath and spits it out at once: “Haveyouevereatenass??”

Kakashi blinks.

Stares.

His heart skips. Multiple times.

“Kakashi?” Iruka’s voice is small. He looks away—no, wait, come back—“I didn’t think it would—”

“You would. I… could?” Kakashi takes in a loud breath and lets it go shakily. “Oh gods. Yes. Now? Can we do that now? Please. Please, fuck, sit on my face; if I die, I die smothered by the best ass ever. Let me; oh shit, Iruka—”

He laughs nervously. “Kakashi, okay, just. Let me go take a shower first, yeah?”

Kakashi groans. “Nooo,” he squeezes Iruka’s ass—the same ass he’s going to fucking devour oh fuck—“Now.”

“You whine worse than my pre-genin.” Iruka lifts himself off of Kakashi, stands next to the bed and stretches; his boxers fall just a little lower and Kakashi’s eyes focus on the trail of hair from his navel disappearing under the elastic. His mouth is horribly dry. Iruka grins down at him. “Would you like to come in the shower with me?”

Kakashi shakes his head. “I can’t. You. Wet. Fingering yourself. Nope. Can’t do it.”

Iruka laughs outright and leans back over and kisses him softly. “Alright. I’ll be right back.”

I’ll be here. Kakashi picks his head up just enough to watch Iruka go, biting his lip at the subtle sway of his hips; he knows what he’s doing, that minx.

~

Iruka leans against the wall beside the bedroom door, a towel around his waist and his hair damp and loose around his shoulders. He is trying desperately to pull himself together. He knew going into this that Kakashi was either going to be grossed out or ecstatic. Himself? He’s excited, but just as he had been the first time they tried something… new, he is worried.

Triggers could happen regardless.

He heaves deep breaths, his shoulders moving with the force of them.

Three. Two. One.

He turns and goes inside. The door creaks softly under his palm and his eyes widen at the sight of Kakashi, spread out on his bed, idly stroking his cock with a loose fist. Both eyes are closed and his head is turned to the side, showing off the elegant curve of his neck. He’s flushed to his chest, panting lightly; his other hand is busy with his nipple, tweaking and pinching it to an inflamed pink.

“Oh, Kakashi,” Iruka groans. “How long. What. Fuck.”

“Very… hmm, articulate, Love.”

Iruka huffs a laugh, and crosses the room to stand beside the bed. Kakashi doesn’t stop touching himself; but he does open his eye.

“You. You look gorgeous,” Iruka says, skimming his fingertips along Kakashi’s abdomen, dipping a fingertip in his navel.

“And you need to sit on my face.”

Iruka feels his face heat up fast. “I-I never said I would do that.”

“Let me die a happy man, please.”

“Kakashi.”

He laughs, stops fondling himself, and rolls up to sit on the edge of the bed. Reaching out for Iruka, he pulls him closer with gentle tugs on his towel, and then buries his face in Iruka’s chest, kissing and licking every bit of skin he can reach without shifting his head too much. He wraps his arms around Iruka’s waist and holds him close, and Iruka moans at the attention and cards his fingers through Kakashi’s hair.

“Want you. Want to taste you. Want you writhing on my tongue,” Kakashi murmurs into his chest, still kissing and nipping him. He latches onto a nipple for a second; Iruka cries out softly, presses his chest further into Kakashi’s mouth. “Please. Please. Want to make you … shit. Fuck. Iruka. I need—”

“S-say it.”

Kakashi looks up at him, awe clear in his face. Iruka strokes the back of his fingers down Kakashi’s cheek. “It’s. I’m okay.” Deep breath. “Make me feel good, Love.”

He couldn’t have anticipated the deep groan, one that sounded almost painful; nor does he expect to be flipped around and bent over the bed with the soft thud of Kakashi’s knees hitting the floor behind him. Strong hands tug at his towel and then he’s naked, ass-out in front of his partner, and that same painful groan comes from behind him.

Kakashi presses one hand on the small of his back, and with the other starts petting the globe of his ass. “One tap means yes,” Kakashi mutters.

Oh.

He can feel his breath on—

Ohhh…

“T-two for no. Please, Kakashi.”

“Tell me to stop.”

“Wh-what?”

“Say the word, show me you can say it if you need to, please,” Kakashi says quickly.

Iruka buries his face in his arms, groaning. He whispers the word, “Stop,” and waits for Kakashi’s next insane request.

“Thank the gods. Can I. Please. Oh. Now, now, I want—”

“Kakashi, stop talking a—Ahhh!!!”

The first touch of Kakashi’s soft, wet tongue to his hole collapses Iruka fully onto the bed. He spreads his legs slightly and arches his back. Kakashi’s hand slips to the other side of his ass, groping and petting down to his thigh and back up again. Iruka writhes, his cock trapped between his stomach and the sheets and the friction is nice but Kakashi licking him in broad, slow strokes is maddening. He pants into the cradle of his arms as Kakashi begins delicately thumbing at his hole in opposition with his tongue—lick, press, lick, press—and then the very tip of his tongue slides into him and the sound that escapes Iruka is unhinged.

“More. More, please!”

~

Kakashi takes his hips in hand and noses his way in-between Iruka’s cheeks, mouthing and slurping away. His chin is already on its way to being soaked with spit, but then so is Iruka’s ass and, well, if he didn’t like it he’d say so.

His breath is coming fast, his pulse beating faster. He can feel it throbbing in his neck, the need for air, to slow down and relax, but oh Iruka’s making such wonderful noises and grinding back against his face. It’s glorious. What’s better is when he writhes away from Kakashi—he can infer from that motion alone that Iruka’s hard and likely aching.

Not unlike himself. But this isn’t about him.

This is about Iruka.

This is about Kakashi getting to suffocate himself in the Best Ass In Konoha, and yeah, he’s getting lightheaded from being down for so long but he’s messily kissing Iruka’s hole and slowly easing his way to getting his tongue inside and who gives a fuck about silly things like breathing when he has ass to eat?

“Oh gods, oh fuck, yes—Ahh—so g-good, Kakashi—!”

His eye rolls back, fuck, Iruka doesn’t get vocal in bed. Ever. But this—if this is what gets him going, Kakashi will eat him out every fucking day for the rest of their lives. He’s even using that damn trigger word; stuttering on it but still.

He deserves a reward.

Kakashi spreads Iruka’s ass, takes just a half second to catch his breath, and then dives back in. This time, he’s merciless with his tongue, licking fast and not caring how loud they’re getting. They have a house now; who cares about noise complaints. And when Iruka’s writhing shifts his legs just that little bit wider, Kakashi hums against his hole and shoves his tongue into Iruka as far as he can.

“Kakashi!”

He thumbs at his rim with both hands, stretching his hole while he licks him inside. So good, so good, Iruka, fucking perfect—

“I—I need. Kakashi. Please. Just. A minute. Please.”

He pulls back, frowning. “I’m sorry. Too much?”

Iruka’s panting like he just sprinted from fucking Suna. “No. Gods, no. It’s. You’re doing. It’s amazing. I just,” he chuckles, a hint of self-deprecation in the tone. “M-my knees are gonna give out, if you keep that up.”

Kakashi gently pushes on his thighs. “Then get on the bed. Chest down, ass up. Believe me, I don’t want to be done with you yet.”

Iruka’s face is flushed, down his neck and up to his ears. It’s such a sweet image. But he climbs up anyway, hugging a pillow to his chest and arching his back—

If Iruka can say his trigger word during sex. Kakashi… he can do it too.

He palms Iruka’s ass, shiny with spit and rim puffy pink where he’s been laving attention. The sensual curve of his back, his hair tossed over one shoulder so Kakashi can see the side of his face and neck, the sturdy muscular thighs supporting each perfectly perk check; Iruka’s still moaning, whimpering, waiting for him to continue.

“Fuck, you’re beautiful,” Kakashi says reverently, and dips his head once again.

This time, he lets his hands explore—he smooths up Iruka’s sides, skipping over each rib; he lightly taps at Iruka’s chest enough that he picks himself up to his elbows, the perfect amount of room for Kakashi to slip his fingers underneath him to tweak and pinch at his nipples; one hand stays, the other comes back down Iruka’s spine, lovingly touching each vertebrae and hovering protectively over the fūma shuriken scar for a moment before moving on. He slips his thumb back beside his tongue, holding Iruka open so he can better love on his hole.

All the while, Iruka’s hips are grinding against his face, rocking back onto Kakashi’s tongue, and he’s blessed to have such a responsive partner but the movement makes eating his ass so, so hard.

So with both hands he grabs Iruka’s hips and holds him tight and murmurs into his hole, “Stay still, so I can pleasure you.”

And Iruka.

Iruka whines.

“Please,” he whispers. “Please keep talking.”

Kakashi, given the requests both to feast on the Best Ass In Konoha and to run his mouth during sex, obliges the best he can.

“Love you, love your ass, oh gods,” he stops to lick broad strokes again, panting and aching. “Want. Wanted to. Oh, Iruka. Wanted to make you feel good since the first time we—” He hums deep in his throat, mouth sealed against Iruka’s hole and tongue flicking. “First. Time we fell into bed together. And now.” Lick, press, lick, press, lick, press; his thumb slides in easily to the first knuckle and it’s warm and wet and Iruka.

“Kakashi I’m. I’m. Oh, keep going. Please. Keep talking.”

“Now you’re letting me. Fuck.” His tongue rejoins his thumb. He pants against Iruka’s hole, watching it clench and pucker and—“Gods, Iruka, I get to touch you; you have no idea how lucky I am.”

“I—more. Little more. Please. Just. Oh-oh-ohh.”

Kakashi blows cool air over Iruka’s ass, and then seals his mouth and tongues Iruka relentlessly. The noises coming from the pillows are unholy and filthy and just drives Kakashi to tongue him harder.

“Kakashi!!!”

He feels Iruka tighten, a vice on his tongue, and he holds Iruka still though his hips want so clearly to thrust and grind down into the sheets. He hears soft splashes outside of his headspace, and Iruka’s cries of Ohh and K’shi and fuck yes. Kakashi keeps flicking his tongue and mouthing at Iruka’s hole until he hears a deep, blissful sigh, and then he pulls back and rests his forehead on the swell of Iruka’s ass.

“You.”

“Uh-huh.”

“I made you—?”

“Yes.”

“Please,” he says, instantly grabbing his long-neglected cock and pumping fast and hard. “Please, I. I wanna come on you. I did good, right? Please. Let me. Oh gods. Iruka. Want to—fuck. Please-please-please—”

“Yeah?” Iruka asks, and he drawls, almost sleepily, but he’s looking back over his shoulder and smiling and he arches his back ever so slightly. “You wanna come on my ass, My Love?”

“Please.”

“Get me even wetter? I’ll need another shower after you’re done covering my ass with your come.”

“Iruka, please!”

“I love you, my Kakashi.”

He can’t. He can’t hold back anymore. With one trembling hand he spreads Iruka’s cheeks again and with the other he jerks himself furiously. A split-second decision has him opening his sharingan to watch as he comes in harsh spurts right on Iruka’s pretty pink hole.

Best ass in Konoha? Painted with his come? He could die a happy man just from this image. Even if Iruka won’t sit on his face. And with the sharingan, the image will always be with him.

He collapses next to Iruka, closes both eyes, and pulls his lover to his chest. They’ll need to get cleaned up. They’ll need to change the sheets.

Right now, Iruka tucks himself against Kakashi, their foreheads together; Iruka looks like he desperately wants to kiss him, but remembers where his mouth had been at the last second. He kisses Kakashi’s cheek and jaw instead. They both laugh.

“I love you,” Kakashi says.

Iruka’s laugh turns into a giggle. “And my ass?”

“I would love you even if you didn’t have such a fantastic ass,” Kakashi hums. “Thankfully, however, that is not our reality.”

“That was…”

“Yeah?”

Iruka sighs happily. “Wow.”

Kakashi kisses his forehead. “Blissed you out, huh?”

“Shhh,” Iruka clutches him closer. “Afterglow.”

Kakashi holds him tighter and catches his breath.