#genuinely felt like i was the only one singing along but i was also crying

[florencepout]

don't wanna spoil starkid innit, but I do wanna say, corey should play hidgens permanently

[imthebadguyyy]

Every Thing Has Changed

pairing : carlos sainz x reader

fandom : f1

synopsis : healing from a relationship in which you never felt loved is made easier when your a certain ferrari drive feels like home and changes your perception on love.

warnings : just some making out, mentions of a past abusive relationship, crying, angst, nightmare

a/n : just a short blurb inspired by photograph by Ed Sheeran and everything has changed by Taylor Swift💕

relationships, once resembling the sweet symphony of love can turn to play a dissonant melody, much like a wilting rose, its vibrant petals fading to a melancholic shade of gray. the once-gentle winds of understanding transformed into bitter gales of miscommunication, tearing at the fragile bonds once woven. love, once a warm and comforting embrace, can feel like a jagged, icy terrain, each step a painful reminder of the shards of trust shattered.

thats what your relationship with love had been, stuck a in a relationship with a man who did not appreciate you and found himself raising his hand at you in frustration or tear into your soul with ice cold words that threatened to shatter your soul.

it had left you vulnerable and untrusting, unwilling to open up to a relationship ever again.

until a certain ferrari driver came along.

carlos sainz.

maybe it was the way he had looked at you across the ramp at the Milan fashion show ferrari had made him attend, surrounded by other celebrities he was uncomfortable around.

your label had made you attend to show your fans you were fine post the 'termination' of your old relationship.

your eyes had met his dark brown ones, a gentle sparkle in them, and he found his lingering on yours, taking in the sight of you in all your gorgeousness across the room.

he had come up to you after, shook your hand and introduced himself.

the thick accent had you blushing, and the sight of this greek god like man dressed in a black tuxedo with the most perfectly mussed up hair had your heart doing a little tango in your chest.

he was charming and sweet, offering you champagne at the after party and telling you about his career and passion for formula 1. he had also admitted to being a fan of your music, to which you had giggled, and he had smiled.

as the party wore on, you stuck to him, finding him to be the only sincere person in the ballroom full of fake smiles, the only person who brought genuine smiles and laughter to you.

within a few hours it felt like chatting to an old friend.

you ended the night with his phone number logged in your phone, and yours in his, and a mutual follow on both your ends on Instagram.

two days later, he sent you a video of himself at the track, with charles singing Adele in the background,with the caption 'wish i could have your voice serenading me before I step into the car instead of his'

you found yourself smiling, shaking your head at his antics, but also blushing at his lopsided smile.

but something in your brain made you stop, hesitate to reply.

the scars from the past were still fresh, and the memory of heartache loomed large. the prospect of opening your heart once more, or even flirting, felt like stepping onto shaky ground.

you found yourself replying with a simple smile emoji and a promise to send him whatever new song you'd be working on soon.

days sped by, with little texts shared and likes dropped on each other's posts.

*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

your friends asked you persistently about the nature of your relationship with the spaniard, to which you said "he's just a friend I made recently"

when you came to barcelona to record your album, you dropped him a text, to which he asked you to a simple dinner at his favourite restaurant.

even though your heart hammered against your chest and your brain screamed no, you accepted, trying to ignore the slight alarm in your body.

and the dinner was perfect.

carlos was nothing short of a gentleman, pulling your chair out for you, complimenting the way you looked, and your music and taking genuine interest in what you had to say.

carlos found himself utterly infatuated with your beauty, inside and out, and he swore every time you giggled his heart fluttered like a butterfly.

he loved the nervous way you pushed your hair back behind your ears when you got shy, or the intense concentration as you picked your pasta, which was a butternut squash ravioli, which you told him, was your favourite.

he loved how you got so intense when telling a story, and how your hands moved animatedly as you told him a funny story about your night at the Grammy's.

he couldn't help but laugh as you told your story, and he couldn't help the slight flush to his cheeks when you said, "you look handsome tonight" with a sweet smile.

"thank you bella" he said, the nickname dripping off his lips like the sweetest honey, sending a homely warmth through your body.

you'd be lying if you said you weren't arrested to the handsome spaniard in front of you.

he had worn a turquoise blue shirt, the first few buttons undone, and pristine white pants that looked absolutely phenomenal on his gorgeously tanned skin, the Spanish sun clearly doing wonders for him.

he looked like an angel descended from the heavens, his hair falling imperfectly perfectly across his forehead, and his lips looked so delectably plump and pink that you couldn't help your eyes fluttering down to them multiple times throughout dinner.

you loved the way his accent laid heavy, as he talked to you about the atmosphere at monza. you loved the passion in his eyes and his voice as he spoke about how much he adored his job, and how deeply he cared about ferrari.

you loved the way his eyes furrowed in concentration, as he listened intently to the story you were telling him, and the sincerity in his dark eyes, the rich and velvety brown eyes radiating warmth.

you couldn't help the way your heart beat quickened, when he pressed a kiss to the back of your hand, when you walked into the restaurant.

neither of you could deny the unspoken electric connection that you shared, zinging through the both of you like a bolt of lightning.

when you got out from the restaurant, he offered to drive you back to your hotel, the red ferrari purred through the streets as you both listened to the soft enrique iglesias songs playing on loop on the radio.

you continued sharing stories, as you made your way though the streets of barcelona, and by the time you reached your hotel, you found yourself unwilling to say goodbye to the handsome man beside you.

"so...this is me" you smiled, and he chuckled.

"I'm aware" he smiled back, and you giggled, leaning over to press a kiss to his cheek.

"thank you for tonight carlos. i really enjoyed myself" you told him sincerely, leaning over to squeeze his hands softly.

"you're welcome carino, I enjoyed myself too" he said, running a thumb over your knuckles.

for a moment, the urge to just grab him by his stupidly handsome face and kiss him zapped through your body, but fear stopped you.

you weren't ready for that.

you couldn't do that.

not all over again.

and yes while he had proved to be different, how could you know for sure that things wouldn't turn sour?

"i think I'll get going" you whispered, voice not strong enough to maintain its regular volume, and carlos nodded, a crease in his brow forming at the sudden tremble in your voice.

"sure, let me know if you'd like to hang out sometime later" he said, getting out to open the door for you.

you lingered in the dimly lit hallway for a second, not quite warning him to leave but not strong enough to tell him you liked him.

you fluttered between fear and intuition, before deciding on a middle ground : leaning up on tip toe to press a soft kiss to his cheek.

carlos found himself blushing, responding with yet another gentle. kiss to your hand, and then your forehead

"good night carino" he whispered.

"goodnight carlos" you smiled.

you watched him walk away, heart strumming against your chest.

oh, you were in for a hard time.

*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

carlos sighed as he looked at the list of media duties in front of him. he zoned out, sylvia's voice lulling him into a doze.

the soft ping of a text notification snapped him out of it, and he looked at is discreetly under the table.

y/n, carlos

you : thought of you when i saw this 🫶🏼

*one attachment*

looking at the message, carlos grinned.

carlos : haha. looks like I follow you wherever I go ;)

you : haha very funny carlos. how's imola going for you?

carlos : you've memorized my race schedule now? 😄

you : noo i just saw a post on Instagram

carlos : it's just media today which i hate so I'm just ready to go home already

you : i get that!! i don't like doing press either :(

carlos : yeah I'm in a meeting right now and I wish i was in my bed fast asleep

you : ....wait are you in a meeting RIGHT NOW?!?

carlos : yes

you : carlos 😭 why are you texting me then??

carlos : because I prefer it ;)

you : oh my gosh okay we'll talk later okay?

carlos : okay carino, have a good day

you : you too 💕

"carlos, can you please put your phone away?" sylvia's impatient voice broke the trance he was.

"yeah yeah" he mumbled a little grumpily, earning a short from charles and a nudge from his press officer.

but he didn't care. he'd prefer spending time with you over the press anyday.

*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

sighing, you scrolled through your camera roll, erasing any trace of your past relationship. it was gone. it wasn't a part of you anymore.

every deleted picture felt like a weight being lifted off your mind and your chest and tears filled your eyes.

the sheer relief that came with the alleviated pain had a gasp rising in your throat, coming out in a strangled choke.

before you knew it, you were sobbing, knees pulled up to your chest, tears running down your face, choked sobs leaving your throat, each one seemingly ripping your throat open.

you cried till your throat was raw and your body on the brink of exhaustion.

the sound of your phone ringing cut through, making you jump.

you watched as carlos' name flashed across the screen, and after taking a deep breath, you answered.

"hello?"

"buenos dias carino. como estas?" how are you he asked, his voice light and melodious, and you inhaled deeply, feeling the anxiety slowly leaving your body.

"I'm good carlos, what about you?" you replied, trying to keep your voice as steady as possible.

"all good carino. just missing you" he flirted, but you didn't miss the sincerity in his voice.

you felt your heartbeat increase in pace, a flush painting your cheeks.

"i miss you too.." you mumbled, embarrassment flooding you as you realized you really did miss him.

"then why don't I fly you out to Monza? its ferrari's home race and I'd love to see you in ferrari red" he said and you giggled.

"I'd love to carlos" you said, and you heard him laugh.

"okay then carino, I'll have the jet pick you up okay? does Thursday work for you? ill pick you up after media duties?" he said, and you awwed at his concern.

"i can just go to your hotel? you don't have to pick me up" you assured him, and after much convincing, he reluctantly agreed to have caco pick you up instead.

"just ask him if his name is carlos too" he had joked, smiling to himself when you let out a hearty laugh.

with promises to see each other soon, you hung up.

you took a deep breath, wiping away the salty tears, contrasting to the sweet smile on your face.

maybe, just maybe, you could watch love begin again.

*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

Thursday rolled around, and you flew to Monza in carlos' jet, to be received by a man with a kind face and a bouquet of flowers waiting for you.

"you must be carlos?" you asked shyly, shaking his hand.

"yes, I'm carlos' cousin, but please call me caco" he had smiled, offering to take your backpack from you.

the two of you chatted on your way to the hotel, making jokes about all the carlos' in the Sainz family.

"how do you manage to keep them all distinct?' you had asked, and he had just laughed and said, "trust me, we don't"

you found yourself enjoying the company of the older man, who was as friendly as someone could be.

as you reached the hotel, you felt nerves spring in your belly, and you bit your lip anxiously.

caco noticed, and sent you a soft smile.

"you know, carlos doesn't usually invite people over. you must be special to him if he's called you to a race" and you tried your hardest to not warm up at his words, but the bright smile on your face said it all.

"come, let me show you to your room, it's next to carlos', and then we can wait in his room for him to come back he should be here soon" caco said, doing the needful with the reception staff.

with a sigh you sunk down into the plush cushions of the sofa in carlos' room after depositing all your baggage in your own room.

you and caco continued to talk for a bit, sharing stories and laughs till the door opened, and a pair of white sneakers made their way over to you.

"hola carino" carlos' voice rang through the room, and you turned on your heel, heart fluttering in your chest as you took in the sight of him, in his red and black ferrari shirt and apparently signature white pants.

neither of you noticed caco gently slip away, not wanting to intrude in the private moment.

"hello" you smiled, waving at him nervously.

in quick strides he made his way across the room, engulfing you in a big hug.

you inhaled the musky scent he wore, reminding you of dior sauvage, and focused on the feeling of his large, coarse palms gently rubbing your back.

"i missed you, y'know?" he mumbled, drawing away and gently caressing your cheek.

"i missed you too, so much' you replied, voice barely above a whisper.

"I'm happy you're here" he murmured, gently pushing a stray strand of hair behind your ears.

"I'm happy to be here, thank you so much for having me" you smiled at him.

"anytime, corazon" heart he flirted, and you flushed again.

the two of you spent some time chatting, before jet lag overtook you, and you ended up falling asleep with your head on his shoulder.

carlos gently pulled your legs up and out a pillow under your neck to prevent you from getting a crick as he laid you on the sofa, penning a small note when he realized that he had to run to meet fans in the hotel.

with an odd feeling of sadness, he tucked you in, leaving you, to head down.

he remained a little distracted, not quite able to focus when he truly just wanted to spend time with you.

he couldn’t remember the last time he had felt so deeply infatuated with someone, the last time someone had flooded his mind 24\7

you were so utterly perfect in so many ways, sweet and kindhearted, headstrong and independent, warm and funny, friendly and open.

but still, he felt a reluctance to be vulnerable, the walls you had put up that you refused to let him penetrate. he was also aware that you even coming to had been a huge step, and he could slowly work towards findings out what exactly was upsetting you.

with new found determination, he made his way back to the room.

upstairs, you were still fast asleep, and as he walked in he noticed the agitation on your face, the beads of sweat dripping down your forehead and the whimpers leaving your lips.

he rushed over to you, fingers gently shaking your tense shoulders, heart breaking at the whimpers escaping your lips, little murmurs of “please don’t hurt me..” leaving your lips, making his heart shatter.

still in a haze, you frowned, watching as the dark shaped got closer and close to you, you tried to run, but you were frozen in place, a scream rising to your throat only to stick, mouth open without making a single sound. the dark figure got closer and closer, ominous giggles leaving their mouth as they approached you, faceless, but for an evil smirk on their lips.

the figure reached out and touched your face, cold and clammy, and you felt a chill run down your spine.

"im going to hurt you," the figure whispered. you tried to speak, but no words would come out. you were trapped, helpless.

the figure leaned in closer, and you could feel its hot breath on your neck. It reached out and touched your throat.

you closed your eyes and waiting for the impact.

but then, you heard a familiar voice, sounding almost dreamlike and distant, like a guardian angel descending from the heavens to refuse you.

"wake up, carino! it’s just a dream. I’m here, estas a salvo” you're safe Carlos’ voice broke through and you awoke with a gasp.

carlos took in the sight of the tears dripping down your cheek, and the pants leaving your mouth, and he swore he felt his heart shatter.

"stay away" you whispered, bringing your knees to your chest to shield yourself.

"wh-what?" he mumbled, surprised.

"i said stay away!! don't touch me" you shouted, voice quivering with fear.

the storm of emotion in carlos' eyes sent self pity surging through your heart.

"oh, cariño mío, nunca, nunca, nunca te haría daño, te lo prometo." oh my darling, i would never ever ever hurt you,i promise he whispered, but still, he took a step back. he did not want to cross any boundaries.

"don't lie to me" you whimpered, shoulders shaking and chest rising and falling rapidly. you were still dazed, not quite processing that it was carlos in front of you, not your ex, and that he was the last person to raise a hand on you.

"im not lying, mi duce" he said sincerely, gently reaching his hand out to you.

"no! thats what he said too" you sobbed out, knees giving out as you fell to your knees on the ground, face buried in your hands as you sobbed.

carlos decided that space wasn't the answer. with steps as light as a feather, he was beside you in an instant, gingerly reaching out to stroke your hair.

surprisingly, you didn't push him away, but you did flinch, and the sight made Carlos's heart break further.

"oh, oh, cariño mío... siento mucho, mucho que eso te haya sucedido..."oh, oh my darling, I'm so so sorry that ever happened to you, he whispered, gently rubbing your arm, the warmth of his hands helping the shivers taking over your body.

"I'm sorry" you sobbed, embarrassment, guilt and shame coursing through your veins.

"no, why are you sorry? you haven't done anything wrong" he stated firmly, gently letting you lean into him, sniffling into his shirt.

he didn't care about the mess on his shirt. he didn't care about the fact that he was late for a press meeting. all he cared about was making sure that your were okay.

"i shouldn't have been so stupid, so stupid that someone had to hit me to make me see sense" you continued, mind so drowsy and scared you didn't even know what you were saying.

"you're not stupid, amor, i promise youre not. i am so sorry that happened to you but please, mi dulce, don't ever demean yourself. eres más valiosa para mí que el sol, la luna y las estrellas, y juro que hay millones de personas que piensan lo mismo. no puedo deshacer lo que tu ex ha hecho, pero haré todo lo posible para tratarte mejor y hacerte sentir amada de nuevo, si me das una oportunidad, mi cariño. significas el mundo para mí y pasaré cada día de mi vida demostrándotelo si es necesario." he said,You are worth more to me than the sun moon and stars and i swear there are millions of people who think so too. I cannot undo what your ex has done, but I can try my damn hardest to treat you better and make you feel loved again, if you will give me a chance, my darling. You mean the world to me and I'll spend every day of my life proving that to you if i have to", gently lifting your chin so he could look into your red eyes.

"I'm not worth it carlos.. you deserve someone who isn't a mess, who isn't wrecked, who isn't a useless, used thing, like me.." you started but you were cut off by carlos pulling you into a tight hug.

inhaling deeply, you let yourself sink into his embrace, clutching the material of his shirt as if you were scared he would disappear into thin air.

"you are everything to me" he murmured, and you looked up at him, gaze flicking from his sincere eyes, the worry lines on his forehead to his perfectly plump lips.

and in that moment you made a decision.

"kiss me" you whispered, hand reaching out to stroke his stubble.

"there's nothing I want more, carino, but..are you sure? no quiero que te arrepientas de esto más tarde." i don't want you to regret this later he said, and you smiled.

"nunca he estado más seguro de nada más."I've never been more sure of anything else you replied, gently pulling him down to meet your lips.

you closed the space between the two of you, pressing your body against his as your hands found home on his face and waist, his in your cheek and hips

carlos sighed softly, against your mouth hands moving to wrap around you, resting on your back as he kisses you back, with unfiltered passion.

you never thought that actually someone could actually leave you winded with just a kiss, but here was a man, something out of a story book, taking your breath away with a kiss.

"I've wanted to do that for so long" carlos mumbled against your lips, as you slowly pulled away, trying to ignore the butterflies fluttering in your belly.

"i have too, but i was scared.." you started off, but carlos cut you off with a feather soft kiss to your forehead.

"you don't owe me any explanation, mi amor. thank you for trusting me" he whispered, and you smiled.

"just... promise me you won't hurt me?" you asked, vulnerability evident in every syllable.

carlos responded with a soft kiss to your knuckles, to your cheeks, your forehead, your nose, and then finally your lips.

"never."

*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

that summer, carlos took you to mallorca to meet his family.

he had brought you along, introducing you to his father, his mother, his sisters and a few cousins who had come to spend the summer.

carlos sainz sr had welcomed you with open arms, despite your initial nervousness. reyes had enveloped you in a warm hug, expressing her excitement at finally meeting the woman her son couldn't stop raving about, making the both of you blush.

his sisters, blanca and ana, had both gushed over you, making very little effort to hide how much they loved your music and how excited they were that their brother was dating you.

you were grateful at how welcoming and sweet his family was, how they treated you like one of their own, taking you sightseeing and taking you to their favourite spots, treating you to lovely lunches with the family, with reyes making you your first ever homemade gazpacho that you fell in love with.

out of everyone, you found yourself gravitating to her the most, and spent as much time with her as you could, laughing at stories she told you about carlos.

one evening she took you and her daughters out for a spa day. carlos couldn't hide the happy smile that refused to leave his lips the whole day, heart full at how well you meshed with his family.

"you look lovely dear" reyes warm tone greeted you as you made your way to the car so you could go to lunch and then a spa. she was so kind to you, even though she only met you a few days ago, she welcomed you into her family with open arms. "are you enjoying yourself, mi hija?" the nickname made you flush, as you nodded, a shy smile on your lips "don’t be shy!" she said, gently squeezing your shoulder, eyes twinkling

"mallorca is really beautiful! i really like it here" you said, a genuine smile on your lips, and reyes nodded. "thats good because I get the feeling we'll have you over much more often now", blanca added from the back seat.

she winked at you which made the four of you laugh.

"well, i hope i can visit much more often" you said, smiling at the three sainz women in front of you.

"you will, i know for a fact my brother is head over heels for you with how he looks at you like you hung the stars sun sky and the entire cosmos up" ana said sagely, making blanca snort.

"don't expose him like that, he'll kill you if he hears you told her that" her older sister chided

"I'm not wrong! he doesn't bring anyone home unless he's serious about them!" ana said indignantly, and you felt your heart flutter

"my carlito is very shy, hija, and that's why we were so happy when he told us you were dating, and even more when he said he was bringing you home" reyes said to you, a nostalgic smile on her lips as she thought back to when all her children were babies.

"you're a lovely person, y/n. i knew it the moment you walked in the door, and I know you make carlos so happy. welcome to the family unofficially, mi hija" she said softly, to voices of agreement from ana and Blanca and you felt tears rise to your eyes.

overwhelmed with emotion, all you could do was squeeze their hands and say a soft "thank you"

later that night, as you and carlos for ready for bed, he came up to you, wrapping his arms around you, pressing soft kisses to your neck and shoulders, massaging your shoulders with lotion.

"what did you talk to my mother and sisters about mi dulce?" he asked, pressing a gentle kiss to your collarbone.

"thats a secret, amor" you smirked and he whined, burying his face in your neck.

"ana has been winking at me all evening and poking me in the side. what did you dooo" he whined like a child and you giggled.

"i can't tell you,but they were all so lovely" you said, climbing into bed, as carlos snuggled up to you.

"see? i told you they'd all love you. my dad told me today as well, he thinks you're a perfect match for me and he'd like to take you for a round of golf sometime" he said, running his fingers through your hair.

"I'd love that" you smiled, kissing his nose.

of course, it didn't stop there.

before you knew it, carlos' lips were on yours. you pushed him away with a giggle, knowing it wouldn't stop at one.

"please amor, just one more, I've barely seen you today" he pouted and you rolled your eyes at his antics.

“fine. just one. one more kiss and that’s—”

carlos' mouth pressed against yours in a desperate kiss, mumbling a quick ,"yes, hmm, yes," as he nudges the tip of his tongue against yours to open up, trying to get you a more passionate kiss.

you pull back with a gasp, hands against his chest, “no no no no no. you need to behave and i only said one and your entire family is here and this is more than one —" he cut you off mid way again, pressing a flurry of pecks your lips.

desperately trying to keep your thoughts straight, you begins to cave in as his teeth gently nibble at your bottom lip, pulling it away and his eyes watching as it snaps back in its place, his tongue meets yours again.

you whine, body relaxing slowly into his, hands resting on his chest and face, monetarily forgetting the fact that you were making out with him in his family home.

"ay dios mio!" caco's voice exclaims and you jump, pulling away from carlos.

"por favor, cierra la puerta si vas a involucrarte en estas actividades, hermano." he said backing out of the room.

"qué quieres, caco?" carlos yelled after him, grinning at the sight of you burying your face in the blanket, shouting out an apology to caco.

"just wanted to say good night, which I now know you'll have!" he shouted back and you gasped, pulling the sheets over your face.

you were sure ana in the next room must have heard it.

"carlos" you whine as he laughs, anas voice floating in from next door "please don't traumatise me!"

all of a sudden, he pins you down, fingers ticking your sides, relishing the sound of your laughter.

“im so in love with you, angel, te amo." he whispered.

"te amo carlos" you mumbled, leaning up to press a soft kiss to his lips.

everything had changed, thankfully for the better.

and you could not be happier.

*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

a/n : might make it multi part or just leave it like this, please let me know which one you'd prefer!!

as always likes, reblogs comments, opinions etc are appreciated!! much love always 😘

TAGS

f1 : @theonly1outof-a-billion @rileynicol3 @ivegotparticulartaste @moon-enthusiast @superlegend216

everything: @roslastyles420 @hopefulinlove @bluesongbird

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[alexturne]

My experience at the show at Spektrum Arena, Norway, 30th april 2023 ❤️

THIS WAS THE BEST FUCKING CONCERT EVER.

I loved the person who'd done a list of highlights/thoughts and here's mine. It helps me remember what the fuck even happened 😂

SO! I'd been looking so much fucking forward to this show, and it just meant so much to me. They've been my favourite band since 2005 and I've never had the chance to see them before. And it was just the most wholesome experience. That's the best way i can describe it. I'd expected to feel super emotional and cry my eyes out, but I was just happy. Perfectly and superbly and absolutely HAPPY! Blessed to be there and to get to experience being in the same room as my favourite band and sing their songs with them. I was so so so so so happy and kept smiling and recording to have everything to relive later, and they were in a great mood and they sounded INCREDIBLE and Alex was such a little sweetheart. The most adorable man on the planet!!!

I can't describe the endless happiness i felt in my heart getting to sing along at the top of my lungs to my favourite songs, to watch these guys I've been admiring for almost two decades and finally see them with my OWN TWO EYES LIKE FUCK! And watch them play and interact and Alex being so happy and chipper, and getting to watch them do their thing fucking expertly.

And being in a room of other people who share that joy was just amazing. All i want is to do it all again. It was perfect, everything I ever wanted, exactly what I'd been expecting. I'd hoped for a different setlist, but who fucking cares! It was amazing and I wouldn't trade anything for the world.

SO! Highlights and rambly thoughts incoming!

FLUORESCENT ADOLESCENT!!!!!!! I SCREAMED

Other highlights for me were teddy picker, suck it and see, mirrorball and body paint. I was genuinely blown away by how astoundingly beautiful mirrorball is and i got so emotional thinking back to when the video dropped and i was up crying at 1am and how we all shared it and it was just 😭😭 flashlight moment here also

R u mine and dancefloor fucking SLAP!! They're just sosososoos good and fun and they sound awesome!!

I FREAKED OUT SEING THE GUITARS!!!!!

In general i thought the audio was really good!! Alex's voice sounded incredible and the band played exquisitely!! The sound in the arena wasn't muddled at all and it wasn't so loud everything was drowned out. also the big screens are so pretty??? the big circle one ofc but also the others, the colour grading is superb and my photos dont do it justice at all! i loved watching when the circle would create an infinite image of circles and alex's face in the middle

I was the only one standing up and dancing in my entire section during brianstorm but i was too busy rocking out to care

He said "hellooooo... I'm over here... By the piano!" after the lights had gone down and he'd moved there in the dark, it was the most adorable thing ever. His voice was all small and smooth and cute and jazzy, like the lounge singer he is. Could so easily imagine him in a dark jazz club somewhere sweet talking everyone from behind his piano

His voice is higher in real life!!! Someone said it and it's so true!! Sounded so much like his older self

He was in such a great mood! So happy and excited to be there and he kept saying little things to us, saying "so many rockers gathered under one roof, Oslo!!"

During the big solo in body paint he went around to all his bandmates and played with them all, giggling and smiling and it was ADORABLE. And the solo itself was SO LONG AND COOL AND AWESOME !! He just kept playing!!!! AND he also did the piano thing at the same time! And before he started playing the solo he did a little headnod to himself

He did the bowling bit during pretty visitors!!! and celebrated himself for landing an imaginary strike

The crowd was a little dead, very much just TikTok people and dads with their little kids. At least in my area. Might've been better down on the floor tho

Before they went on during the preshow playlist the crowd did a big wave all around the arena!

There was a flashlight show during four out of five! and there was the red blinking lights and a slow ending!!

It was literally the most wholesome experience!!! I was smiling the whole time, so happy just to see them having fun and playing and being happy. It was exactly everything I wanted it to be

Except for the fact that they didn't play From The Ritz or Perfect Sense 😔

The lights and the mirrorballs were so pretty!!! People screamed for it!!! They had two! the one in the ceiling and the one on the set and they used that one during wanna be yours

At the end of R U Mine? Alex went up to Matt and they had a little chat and giggle and I caught it on the big screen and Alex looked like Humbug and taotu for a second and then his smile was so pretty and I'm !!!!! 😭😭😭😭🥰❤️❤️🥰❤️ Most adorable man in existence!!!!

And the end Alex didn't want to leave the stage and he kept blowing kisses and waving even after everyone else had gone and the lights had been turned off, he just kept waving 😭 i sent him so many kisses back i just couldn't help myself

He kept saying "Terrific!" and "Excellent!!! Really, excellent!!" and he mentioned he was having such a nice time!!

HIS VOICE DURING DO I WANNA KNOW WAS SOME OF HIS BEST VOICE WORK THIS ENTIRE TOUR.!!!

When they returned for the encore everyone was applauding and screaming and he tapped his heart and did a little shy gesture, like waving his hands at us like "oh stop it you" VERY CUTE

HIS VOICE IS SO BEAUTIFUL I CANT BELIEVE HOW GOOD HE SOUNDED THROUGHOUT THE WHOLE THING

It was really a lot seeing him irl with MY OWN TWO EYES on stage, and then on the two big screens and ALSO in the big circle screen!! That's a lot of Alex Turner at once and it made me emotional!!

He wore the red scarf when he entered the stage but took it off immediately after sculptures

They did a slow piano bit before why'd you only call me when you're high!

Also the low-key suck it and see intro, the slow solo in crying lightning and slow solo intro for don't sit down too!!! Very cool!!!

His hair was a big gorgeous mess at all times!

Toms guitar malfunctioned during the Arabella solo so Alex and the lights were just going crazy to nothing and i snorted at the view on the big screen of Tom not playing 😂

Star treatment!! "What doya ~*MEAN*~ you've never seen blade runner?" Alex did such a pretty high note and he looked so impressed with himself afterwards. wiped "sweat" off his brow too. also this song is so beautiful??? they do it so well live

Even if the upbeat rockier songs are my absolute favourites, the thing that really hit me at the show was that they really fucking excel at creating beautiful slow moments. The slower songs and the lights and Alex's voice and everything coming together - no one can fucking beat them at that. That's fucking growth, gentlemen. And it was glorious to behold.

Four out of five is so fucking funky when they play it like that! Alex's voice was GORGEOUS ON IT! It reminded me so much of a star wars soundtrack for some reason, like a super cheesy 80s one. also davey played bongos!!!!???

They played the new version of 505 which was great (even if i prefer the punch of the old one) but it was amazing still! Alex played guitar on the Vox Starstream which was a super treat and he seemed to enjoy himself immensely!

He played legit looked like he was going to smash his guitar for a second but then it was just the baseball thing after body paint. wouldn't have put it past him if he'd smashed it tho! his energy was through the roof!

DONT SIT DOWN IS A FUCKING BANGER AND IT KICKS MY ASS. Alex was stomping all over the stage to the beat and rocking out so hard!! It sounded SO GOOD and it's still one of my absolute favourite live tracks of theirs !! It's so fucking cool, the beat is so deep and heavy and the guitars are back it up and !!!! I WAS SCREAMING FOR THIS ONE!!! Lived up to all of my expectations!!

Also they did teddy picker and i was so happy!!!!!!!! Was rocking out so hard!!! I love that one and it works so well live and !!!! LOVED IT!!! Even if i knew it would probably be at the expense of Ritz

Sculptures REALLY PACKS A PUNCH!!!!!! ITS SO POWERFUL!!!! I was so sad that it was over so soon, we need it twice in the setlist!

THE CROWD WAS SO LOUD! Mostly during the popular songs BUT STILL IT WAS A JOY and I'm so proud so many people love this little band

Alex did a big wave your arms bit during pretty visitors and it was so much fun!

Also even if Arabella is kinda overplayed at this point it's still such a live banger!!! And they obviously have a lot of fun playing it

Alex did a really pretty note during Teddy Picker "that says that we ~*AREEEEE*~ defenders.." very cooooool loved the energy of this performance 🥰

Between don't sit down and why'd you only call me Alex sat down at the piano (see earlier point 😭) and played a little interlude where he sang "that was don't sit down cause i moved your chaaaaaiiirrrr oslo and now is why.. you only call me when you're hiiiigghhh...." very cool and smooth and jazzyyyyy

He generally said a lot of little things in between songs, saying OSLO!! all the time and little comments

The big mirrorball was lowered during big ideas and it was very pretty! He did the sit down slam thing on the piano! he looked very serious for a lot of the song!

He did a lot of spreading his arms and posing, lots of running hands through his hair, lots of stomping and waddling around on stage.. all in all very cute behaviour!!

[likesomanywrecksdo]

OKAY BEFORE I GO CRAZY

let's do my favourite thing and talk about TIMELINESSSS yayyyy(i wish for the sweet release of death) yyyyyyyyy.

These frames come in the episode 'Apology Tour'. This episode will be majorly focused on Blitzø mending his relationship with Verosika while simultaneously showing the downfall of them as a couple. So after recapping all the events that led to the two falling apart. At this point, we see Blitzø be a horrible person to Verosika in the flashback for no reason while we see Blitzø make genuine efforts to get her to forgive him as a way of feeling better about everything that happened on the Full Moon. Verosika being the person (ahem badass ahem) she is, does not forgive him. This causes Blitzø to cry and basically break down away from everyone (this is gonna be painful) . Sooner or later he has no choice but to take his place in the audience where he sees Verosika sing a disstrack about him onstage.

This is where Stolas comes in. There is a frame in the trailer of him singing with him wearing a similar outfit to the one shown above (HE'S WEARING A LITTLE CROWN I'M DEAD) with Verosika and her crew on her tour as we can see Tex on stage as well. The exact scene above is probably after his emotional ballad when everyone's cheering and shit. He gives a smile to the audience and Blitzø is looking at him like he's the most beautiful thing he's ever seen and finally makes the revelation that he wants to be better for Stolas and sees him in a whole new light.

speaking of lights, IT'S TIME TO OVERANALYSE THE FUCKING BACKGROUND COLOURS.

1st frame: the background of Blitzø's solo frame is a dull pinkish-red as opposed to the fiery red that is usually seen to be associated with Blitzø. The dullness represents how he has completely fallen from grace, he is weak and vunerable and everything he doesn't want to be. He is at a stage where his life is so bad and his fear of dying alone only grows day by day that cannot bottle up his sadness anymore (this also explains the hoodie over his business suit, like this is really just how damaged he is).

2nd frame: The fiery red that was once associated with Blitzø is the primary colour in the background of Stolas' first frame along with some orange and yellow thrown in there. The background of this frame is how Blitzø used to see Stolas, as an extension of his own trauma and someone who he could have control over.. A means to an end, both emotionally and for his business. Even though he felt this way, the orange and yellow prove something we always knew. Blitzø had feelings for him way before this point. Blitzø put Stolas on a pedestal because he was a royal and was important and had so much power over him. Which is something that Blitzø hated and loved at the same time. So the red is for how Blitzø felt confident around him and the orange and yellow is for the pedestal Blitzø put Stolas on because of his stature.

3rd frame: fuckkkkkkkkk. In this frame, Blitzø entire perception of Stolas has changed. The frame shows blue, purple, pink and green in the background, colours that represent Stolas as an individual and not a means to an end. This frame is not Blitzø realising he has feelings for Stolas, that happened a long time ago. This frame is Blitzø realizing WHO stolas is. This frame solves the conflict put up in "Western Energy" where Blitzø was of the opinion that Stolas in impenetrable. Blitzø is realising that Stolas can be hurt and that he was the one who hurt him. He's realising that even though Blitzø hurt Stolas, Stolas will always love him and Stolas has always loved him. UNFORTUNATELY, this realisation is not enough for Blitzø to talk to or approach Stolas because in Blitzø's mind, the revelation means only one thing; that Blitzø is not good enough for Stolas, in a completely different way than before.

SO IM FUCKING DONE WITH APOLOGY TOUR AND IT HASN'T EVEN COME OUT. HOW.

[pralinesims]

Hi! I was a first-time anon who had asked about the movie theater story you were working on a little while back (I never got to respond but I always like making people happy, and I'm glad I motivated you to continue it bc I love it so much).

But anyways, I wanted to ask this because I was genuinely curious: if each of your OCs had a Letterboxd, what would be their four favorite movies? Some might be bigger movie buffs than others, probably, but for the ones who are obsessed with them, is there a way they would organize their favorites, or do they just go with vibes?

HIYA and welcome back aaaa ;_; MWAH thank you so much!

Emilio: is totally into action movies, especially loves stuff where he can identify with the main hero. Laughs tears when watching movies like Hangover or other bromance comedy typa shit.

Vale: Give him anything sci-fi, horror or thriller and he'll be happy. For example I feel like he'd be obsessed with The Thing. Also probably enjoys stuff like Mad Max.

Luca: MAJOR MOVIE BUFF ALERT. Enjoys watching indie movies, even if they're a total slog. Also loves the classics from the golden age of Hollywood and things like comic adaptions, think of Batman and such. He'd probably be a very active Letterboxd user. I truly feel like he'd watch every movie out there.

Sharon: Hmm I don't really see her watching much movies. I'd figure she'd rather be into documentary typa things.

Aaron: I think he'd watch stuff like The Matrix, The Godfather, and similar movies which are rather hard hitting? Enjoys a good plot twist. Also The Lord of the Rings and similar, he'd love adaptions of his fav books. Genres wouldn't matter much to him I feel like, but he'd DEFINITELY cringe at romcoms.

Gina: Something she can cry her heart out to. I'd figure she'd love dramas. Titanic and other tearjerker kinda stuff. And anything Ghibli!!! I'd believe she'd love the animated kinda type of movies a tad more.

Devyn: Hmm, I feel like he'd be a Fight Club and American Psycho typa guy. Prolly always rewatching critically well acclaimed classics. But also does not say no to sillier movies, and sings along to musicals.

Kaia: She's that kinda girl that probably almost exclusively watches horror movies. Has built up a heavy tolerance over years, so nothing is really shocking to her anymore. Yet she still can't be assed to watch another type of movie for once.

Maggie: Regularly watches the most disgusting, goriest splatter movies you can find, and laughs out loud when people die. Besides these, she's totally into sillier, lighthearted movies, like romcoms or stuff like Mean Girls.

// some whining from me + extra explanation under the cut:

...and to be frank, but THIS is one bigger aspect I kinda struggle with assigning to my OC's, only rarely I directly know which movie fits, bc I simply don't know enough ones. I do know what THEY like. Just no very specific examples. But generally, I am able to assign their preferred genres or type of movie. But really like. oh man. forgive me. I am the absolute WORST person to ask when it comes to movies because I very rarely watch some?

So here have my vague answers bc with this theme, I legit have to base it just around my general feel for it, cause my movie knowledge barely is developed lmao. Nor do I know anything about Letterboxd, but I might update some answers once I remember specific movies I felt like were right assigning to? But so far please have these ones ok!

[jungkookslipring]

“Because of Me”

AN: THIS IS PURELY FICTION (with some nonfiction moments). While the performance, interview, hiatus, and IN crying when they got back to the dorms was true (according to Changbin in 2 kids 1 room) what happened after the kingdom scene is fiction. Of course I don’t know how it went down completely, but like I said this is purely for entertainment purposes. Also f*ck kingdom.

Kingdom was a joke. Everyone knew it. The artists, the fandoms, even the fandoms that didn’t get along came to a mutual agreement that Kingdom was a joke. The one good thing that came out of the program were the interactions between groups and the friendships that were made. When it came to one of the last performances, the pressure was on. They did their best, gave it their all, but there was one artist in particular who felt he could’ve done better. I.N. The sweet maknae felt his heart sink when his voice cracked during his solo in the last 10 seconds of the song. Unfortunately, right after the performance, he was pulled for an interview, and of course, the interviewer asked about his performance. He sat there for a few seconds before he answered.

“I practiced really hard on singing live, but it was worse than what I thought”, he answered looking down.

“Maybe it was because I was so nervous. My whole body tensed up before I knew it. I wanted to show 120 percent, but I feel like I only got to show 40 percent”, he said sadly. I.N could feel his throat closing up and the familiar stinging behind his eyes.

“I feel sorry. Because of me…” he paused.

“The performance…” he tried to clear his throat. He didn’t want to cry, he really didn’t. Not in front of these people he didn’t know. He bit his lips in an attempt to stop the tears but it didn’t work. His breath hitched before he continued. He just wanted the interview to be over already.

“It little…no, alot…” he looked away. He was so tired, he just wanted one if not all of his hyungs to save him. His interview concluded and he was allowed to go back to the waiting room. Everyone else had an interview before they had their team interview. Chan was in the room waiting for him. When the door opened, he looked up with a smile that immediately turned into a frown when he saw the state I.N was in. He quickly got up from his spot on the couch and walked over to the youngest.

“Innie?? What’s wrong? What happened?” Chan asked as he rushed to the maknae. I.N Shook his head as his lip wobbled. Chan stood there silently with his hand on I.N’s shoulder waiting for him to respond. I.N quickly realized that there were still cameras in the room, and he looked at Chan with a panicked expression, scared that his reaction would end up on the show. Chan looked around and then pulled him into the closet out of sight from the cameras.

“I’m sorry, I messed up tonight…” I.N whispered. Chan cocked an eyebrow.

“What? I.N you did good! Which part?” Chan was genuinely confused. He didn’t know about I.N’s super minor slip up.

“As a whole… I did terrible.” he answered thickly as more tears formed in his eyes.

“No, that’s not true,” Chan said as he pulled his baby into another hug.

“It’s okay, man.” Chan said in English as I.N let out a choked sob. Chan continued to hold I.N as the youngest cried into his shoulder.

“When did you get so big? I can’t even hug you now,” Chan exclaimed, trying to lighten the mood. Once I.N’s crying reduced to sniffles, Chan kept a hold on him. He rubbed his back as he started to speak.

“Just think of it as a phase, you can do better next time,” Chan said soothingly. He knew I.N beat himself over the littlest things in fear that he isn’t holding his end as a member. His hyungs never scolded him for it, never saw less of him, never loved him less, but he always tried to give it his all.

“Yes,” I.N. nodded into Chan’s shoulder. Chan held him a little tighter.

“Besides, I also made quite a few mistakes,” Chan whispered. He giggled while I.N. let out a wet chuckle. Chan patted I.N.’s hair being mindful of how it was styled since they still had a group interview to do. I.N. didn’t want to be in front of the cameras for the rest of the night, but they still had the interview and they still had to sit through the ranking, and a group picture. Everyone grouped up before their interview, and once everyone saw I.N, they went into protective hyung mode.

“I.N-ah what's wrong?” Felix asked as he put a shoulder on his dongsaeng. I.N shook his head and looked to the ground. He didn’t want to cry again, they were going to get called into that room any minute for the interview. He closed his eyes to keep the tears from falling before he looked up at Felix.

“I’m sorry for tonight’s performance…” he said as he bit his lip. Felix had no idea what he was talking about. He didn’t notice anything. None of them did. Chan explained to the group why I.N was so shaken up by the performance, and not a second later they all started speaking at once.

“Honey, it's not your fault!”

“We all make mistakes I.N.”

“I didn’t even notice!”

“You did amazing I.N, you always do!”

“Nooo, baby don’t cry!”

I.N quickly dabbed away at his eyes trying not to smudge the stage makeup. He really didn’t want to do the group interview now. He just wanted to go home already, but they had another few hours. They were finally called for the group interview. As they all sat down, each member kept an eye on I.N. The interviewer asked about the performance. Each of them kept a professional face on even though on the inside they were pissed. They knew what the interviewer meant when they were asked that question. They weren’t being asked about their group performance, they were asking about I.N’s. Lee Know started responding first.

“I.N worked harder than anybody else. We all know how much effort he has put in.” He exclaimed with no hesitation.

“I.N really rocked. He was so much cooler and way more awesome than when he practiced or rehearsed,” Han said with confidence. I.N looked away as Chan stared at him with admiration.

“All our Stray Kids members, including our youngest I.N did a great job,” Chan said as he began to clap. Everyone else, including I.N followed suit. He felt a little bit better hearing his hyungs stick up for him, but he still felt so much guilt. When it came to their picture, no one smiled. Everyone was so mad that mnet made I.N cry, no one bothered to raise the corner of their mouth in the slightest. I.N felt much worse when it came to the ranking. Their rankings had dropped. I.N felt a surge of even more guilt. He held it together for the rest of the taping, and their ride back to the dorms. Once they were home, everyone finally got to unwind and chill in the living room. Everyone except for I.N were in the living room watching TV. I.N sat at the dining room table reflecting on today’s events. He believed there was no other reason as to why their rankings had dropped if it weren’t for his mistake. Tears welled up in his eyes and this time he didn’t even try to suppress them. His head dropped into his hands as sniffles turned into little whimpers and whimpers turned into full on crying.

“I.N-ah?” asked Changbin as he looked away from the TV, realizing his youngest was missing. He heard the sniffles and immediately jumped up from the couch. Everyone else quickly followed suit. As they rushed into the kitchen, their hearts broke. They saw their maknae sitting alone with tears flowing down his face, and his eyes already getting puffy.

“What’s wrong? What’s the matter?” they all asked frantically. I.N let out a sob.

“Because of me…because of me,” he sobbed into his hands.

“What are you talking about, baby?” Changbin asked as he laid a hand on I.N’s. The maknae gripped onto his hand tightly and started apologizing profusely.

“I’m so s-sorry h-hyungs,” I.N cried out. “Its all m-my fault…p-please don’t h-hate me,” he hiccuped and cried even harder. Felix sighed sadly as he walked up behind the youngest to hug him.

“Baby we could never hate you, you know that,” he whispered before dropping a kiss on the top of his head.

“Are you talking about your performance? Sweetheart, we talked about this, we didn’t even notice it,” Chan said softly as he knelt in front of his distressed maknae. He put a hand on his thigh and started rubbing it gently.

“Our r-rankings went down b-because of me, h-hyung”, I.N whispered. “We lost b-because I couldn’t…” I.N couldn’t finish as he let out another sob. Felix started rocking I.N gently as Changbin continued to hold his hand while Chan rubbed his leg.

“Baby, you know thats not true,” Chan said. I.N shook his head. He wanted to interject, but everytime he tried to talk he’d dissolve into another sob. This performance really shook him up. Chan felt bad for all of them. This entire competition was stupid and it was making all of his kids question their talent. Changbin gently squeezed I.N’s hand before he began to speak.

“This show is nothing but for entertainment purposes. Kingdom has nothing to do with who you are or how talented you are. No matter which team wins, it won’t change who we are as a group. This show doesn’t define you, or me, or the rest of us, yeah?” Changbin said ever so softly so I.N wouldn’t get even more stressed out. I.N nodded softly. It was Bang Chan’s turn to speak.

“Is there anything else besides this performance, love? I’ve never seen you this shaken up before…” Chan tried to say as gently as possible. They’ve all made mistakes before. Whether it was during practice or on stage, for award shows or on tour, they’ve all had their fair share of minor mistakes and for the most part they’ve all been able to shake it off. Sure there have been tears in the past but they’ve all been able to let it go after a while. I.N was absolutely devastated, and Chan was sure there was another reason.

“Is it because of all thats going on right now?” Han asked. Felix felt I.N tense under his arms, and then begin to shake again. Just from the movement, they all knew. I.N scrunched his eyes and hid in his hand that wasn’t accompanied by Changbin’s. He let out a gut wrenching sob that immediately sprung tears in some of the members' eyes. I.N missed Hyunjin. They all did; doing a stupid show without their Hyunjinnie- who wasn’t even on hiatus by choice- took a toll on all of them. It was hard to stay focused on work knowing a piece of them was missing. They didn’t know when he would come back, and they were scared whether or not he would even come back. I.N has always been super close to Hyunjin, and Hyunjin saw I.N as the little brother that he never had. It had been 2 months since he was suspended, and I.N was taking it especially hard.

“Oh baby, come here.” Lee Know said as he reached out to I.N. He and Felix helped stand I.N on his feet and walk him over to the couch. Lee Know plopped down on the couch as he and Felix set I.N. on Lee Know’s lap. I.N hid his face into his hyungs neck and gripped onto his shirt as his tears made his way down his face. He was exhausted. Nothing was going right, everything was messed up, and this damn performance was the final straw that broke the camel's back. Felix sat next to Lee Know and side hugged the both of them. Han sat on the opposite side and rubbed I.N’s knee. Changbin and Seungmin sat on the floor near the pair whispering words of encouragement. Chan had run off to grab water for his kid. Seungmin had noticed that Chan had been gone for a hot minute, so he slipped out. When he walked into the kitchen he saw his leader with his back to him, looking up at the ceiling. Seungmin followed his line of sight to whatever was so intriguing to Chan, but when he saw nothing, he slowly walked over and put a hand on Chan’s shoulder.

“Hyung? Are you okay?” he whispered. Chan hesitantly turned around. His eyes were glossy.

“Huh? Oh yeah, I’m fine,” Chan laughed a little but Seungmin wasn’t stupid. They all get emotional when one of theirs is upset, Chan especially. Seungmin shook his head.

“Channie-hyung, I love you, but I know you don’t mean that.” Seungmin could visibly see more tears filling up in Chan’s eyes as he tried to blink them away. Chan hated seeing his kids upset. It was a hard situation for Seungmin because he wanted to take care of his brothers so bad, but with I.N crying about Hyunjin, and Chan crying about I.N crying, he didn’t know what to do.That shattered his heart. Chan’s lip wobbled for a sec before he cleared his throat.

“I just wanted to pull myself together before going back in there.” Chan said as he tried to blink back the damned tears that kept trying to make their way out. Seungmin gave a half smile and patted his shoulder.

“Don’t hide your feelings from us hyung, we’re all in the same boat,” Seungmin said as he pulled Chan into a hug. Chan chuckled as he returned the hug. He had managed to swallow the tears and even though his eyes might be a tad bit pink still, he let Seungmin lead him back into the living room where everyone else was. I.N still had tears flowing but his hyungs had managed to get him to just sniffles and the occasional whimper, which is no better but it was a start.

“I miss Hyunjinnie hyung,” I.N whispered thickly. Lee Know kissed his forehead and continued to scratch at his scalp.

“We know you do bubs, we do too,” Lee Know said trying to contain his emotions.

“It’s not fair…the show, Hyunjin Hyung, nothing is fair…” I.N whispered as we wiped his eyes. Lee Know rubbed his shoulder as a stray tear fell from the youngest’s eyes.

“Let’s get you to bed Innie, we could all get some rest yeah?” Chan asked the group. Everyone murmered in agreement as they all slowly got up from where they were seated. They all went to their respective rooms, not without saying a quick goodnight to each other in the form of hugs, kisses, or both. I.N walked into his and Han’s room and plopped down on the bed. Han was not far behind when he closed the door.

“How are you doing, aegi?” He asked as he sat on I.N’s bed. I.N kinda laughed at the question as he went to pat Han’s leg.

“I’m sorry for everything tonight. Not just the performance, but for, you know,” he said as he made a hand Gesture showing his red and puffy eyes. Han shook his head.

“You don’t ever have to apologize for that kind of thing Innie. Everyone has bad days. And it’s completely valid. There’s a lot happening right now,” Han said as he went to hold I.N’s hand. The youngest of the two looked up at the ceiling, contemplating the thoughts going on in his head right now. Of course his roommate noticed.

“I can hear the gears turning Innie, what’s on your mind?” He asked while rubbing the back of his hand with his thumb. I.N wanted to say nothing, but his hyungs are too good at reading his mind.

“Can you sleep with me tonight?” I.N asked hesitantly. Han smiled at that question and ruffled his fox’s hair.

“My cute I.N-ah of course I will,” he said as he went to turn off the lights. They both climbed into I.N’s bed and threw the covers over themselves. Han offered an arm as I.N snuggled into his side. Han wrapped both arms around I.N and kissed the top of his head.

“We got you I.N, everything is going to be okay, yeah?” Han whispered. I.N nodded and snuggled even further into Han’s grip. The next morning, the guys found I.N and Han snuggled up together, cooing at the fact that I.N has 7 brothers to look after him no matter what.

[casualtysteviefan-slay]

Series 37 Episode 38 review

- Episode was very different, loved the setup and interjections/narrations from NHS workers

- Iain with HEMMS is always a slay,

- Stevie looking gorge, as per. Eyeliner really slaying. However, I think she's anxious about something, they kept zooming in/focussing on her rubbing her neck/shoulder, and she looked exhausted all episode. Almost half broken mentally, not like normal sympathy and upset at patient dying, but genuinely broken. I think she was about to cry at one moment and that really shocked me, please someone back me up at how not ok Stevie seemed to be last night.

- No reference to last week's EP at all, bar Max not being in it (I think maybe Dylan referenced it very briefly but I might be wrong). I thought very strange as surely Jodie would be upset more.

- ED very busy, lovely highlighting in that EP as to how hospitals normally are now.

- The guy filming when HEMMS arrived at the scene was wholly inappropriate, but again too normalised

- Cam being anxious, please let him grow as a character because he stood up to Ryan last week!!!!

- Donna is being a great guide to the younger nurses (notably Cam and Jodie) this episode, loving it!

- Jodie and Stevie friendship need to see more of, they are such cuties really!

- Jodie getting smacked in the face wasn't expected

- I didn't like that Rob dude, the one that operated on the patient, he was a bit of a prat and he ground my gears

- "Cam, go move your butt and get one" - Stevie. I don't need to say anything else

- Iain promised his famous brew. Thank you Casualty for consistency!!!! Even if it is only Iain's tea making skills

- The patients wife was lovely, and I felt so bad for her, especially as she was pregnant

- Dorothy. Such a sweetheart. Love her.

- RYAN WAS ACTUALLY NICEEEEEE! We love that. Slight redemption in my eyes! Him getting Dorothy's family down because it was meant to be her birthday and she was meant to be travelling to Manchester to see her son, and getting everyone to sing happy birthday to her was adorable and it was soooooo wholesome. Love it.

- Stevie's a sweetheart really. I have no clue what I meant by that.*

- Was the team operating on that patient one from Holby City? Was Eli in Holby because I recognise the name but am not sure as I never got fully into Holby before it got cancelled

- Stevie and Dylan slay as a duo and we need more of this, along with more Dylan and Donna and Jodie and Stevie.

- Also, absolutely no mention of the Sah/Paige kiss this ep. Very confused because, like, very big moment, why no mention?

- I think it's because it was a 75th anniversary special for the NHS they tried to avoid too many regular storylines, but I have no clue.

*To make this, I used the spam I sent to my friend as the show was happening, so some of my notes I have no clue what happened in the ep to trigger that response.

This is a learning process these next few weeks as to how I set out the weekly opinions, so please be patient and/or give feedback

Stevie is a fave right now, so there is very likely to be heavy Stevie analysis. Enjoy!

[benboulette]

Some of my Icemav headcanons frfr

Every friday they cook together and they choose which kind of cuisine they wanna eat every monday, they listen to music on an old vinyl player that they got from mavs parents and they got the vinyls from ice's parents as an anniversary present. All the vinyls are old cheesy 60s

love songs and they like to dance while cooking whenever one of their favourite songs comes on no matter what theyre doing. It doesnt matter if the foods about to burn if be my baby comes on theyre are grooving to it while singing off key.

Along with the songs, they memorized eachothers favourite songs just by observing how the other acts depending on what song comes on. Mav could tell that ice always liked slow songs more because whenever they came on ice would hum and bop his head more than the other songs (he also loves Frank Sinatra and The Ronettes)

Ice could tell Mav was more into bittersweet love songs that sounded more upbeat although it was harder for ice to figure that out since Mav seemed to sing along with his whole heart to every single song they ever listened to, but whenever his favourites came on Mav would move a lot more and genuinely just smile a lot mroe while singing.

The day that the ban on gay people in the navy was lifted (December 21, 1993) they slow danced in Ice's office while kinda just crying in eachothers arms because they were so happy that they didnt have to hide how much they loved eachother anymore (ofc they didnt immediately announce it infront of everyone but they def had to hide less and got to be more open about it even though everyone already had an idea)

Mav's ringtone for ice is literally the song "ice ice baby" and it has been since the song was released.

Sarah was Tom's lesbian friend and they would rant to eachother about the ppl they had crushes on bc they were the only queer ppl they were aware existed around them. (they were actually surrounded by gay ppl they just didnt know)

Mav and Ice used to try to make eachother listen to new artists atleast every month and in that tradition they discovered Joe Dassin which ended up being their favourite artist to listen to together and they always sing his songs in a really bad french. Their first dance at their marriage ended up even being to "Et si tu n'existais pas".

Ice tried to learn guitar with Goose (goose side headcanon: he plays almost every instrument in existence, like if he wasnt in the navy he would be a music teacher in highschool) but Nick didn't tell him that Mav already knew how to play after having played in a band with him and slider in highschool all together. Mav (voc. and guit.) Goose (bass and backup voc.) Slider (drums) and Ice learnt through Slider that Mav knew how to play guitar infinitely better than him after slider caught him trying to learn a love song he was gonna play when he wanted to ask Mav to officially be his boyfriend.

Every. single. time. one of them got deployed the night before they would ALWAYS spend the night together listening to music and dancing the whole time, they always made their last dance "Till Then" by The Mills Brothers and they always cried no matter what.

Mav is an ugly fucking crier and gets snot everywhere but since Ice started being there where ever he was he would always use his shirt as a kleenex so when Ice isnt around when Mav cries he is completely lost and just slimes everywhere.

Before they were official Mav caught Ice singing "If I Loved You" by Dick Haymes in his office once and when he heard him singing he literally felt his heart skip a beat and now he asks Ice to sing for him a lot more than Ice would like. (He likes the way Mav's eyes light up every time he sings for Mav) and before Ice lost his voice he recorded himself singing for Mav and it made Mav ugly cry when he found out abt it

Ice has a journal and he writes about Mav and Mav only in it. Mav found it and cried again.

Ice and Mav keep matching pictures of eachother in their helmets bc Ice refused to get those necklaces that can have pictures inside with Mav so they settled on that bc it was still risky to get caught. They eventually evolved to them just bringing a full sized picture of eachother in the plane anytime they went flying. They also keep pictures of eachother in their wallets and while he doesn't admit it Ice was the happiest he ever was when he could finally stop hiding the picture of them he kept in his office and being able to grow his collection of pictures of them as his office also got bigger was his biggest accomplishment in his own eyes

Wehenever they would fight or something, Mav did the cliche of showing up infront of ices house with a boombox to sing as an apology for Ice, Carol and Goose went with him as his backup vocalists and it always worked.

Once while Mav was on a mission, he got hit (he was fine in the end and someone called his parachute) and Ice was listening to the comms on the ship and as soon as he heard that Mav was hit he had to leave the room bc he had to throw up because his mind of course went to the worst possible conclusion. They both had to be in the hospital in the end bc Ice was breaking down (NOT. breakdancing) and couldnt move bc he was shaking so bad. While they were in the hospital, even though Mav was the one who got hit, he was the one taking care of Ice.

The first song they danced to was Be My Baby by The Ronettes and they both started singing to it at the same time when it came on and had a moment where they looked at eachother like "how tf do u know this song" but turns out its bc they're both hopeless romantics.

They lived together and said they had separate rooms so ppl wouldn't be suspicious, one time Nick and Carol needed them to babysit Bradley and Bradley slept in the room that they said was Ice's, and when he went to bed he asked "Why does Ice have his own bedrooms if he always sleeps with uncle Mav?" Of course they just avoided the question but he ended up asking Goose the same question and he just burst out laughing.

Ice and Mav are the reason that Bradley had a relatively easy time accepting he was bi, he attended their "wedding" when he was like 10 so he never thought bad of gay ppl. (I put wedding in quotes bc in 1992 gay marriage wasn't legalized so they technically only held a ceremony in secret and said they were married, but when gay marriage WAS legalized they immediately made it official)

[mccoys-killer-queen]

All my comments on the Styx: Caught In the Act tape

I'm SO glad i bought this tape

Tommy on my TV screen hits so different 👁️👄👁️

again, I wanna know what their fucking budget was for the Kilroy film

I WANT MORE OF TOMMY'S ACTING I THOUGHT IT WAS GENUINELY GOOD

I love how pouty faced and dissociative Tommy is the whole time during Mr. Roboto like how the FUCK could he sit that still when that bop was blasting through him

he's just letting Dennis have his pick-me theater kid moment

and that GREASY FRIED CHICKEN STOPPGKAKAKGLG

"and when JY started his guitar solo-" *EVERYONE FUCKING SQUEALS*

this is getting me even more psyched for next month when I see them again

as much as I love this whole tape and am eating it the FUCK up I can totally understand why JY and Tommy hated every second of this (i was in drama club in high school I get it)

(it was here the wine started to kick in)

I stg these ppl only get along when Rockin the Paradise is playing

I'm getting in a habit of saying FUCK IT UP DENISSSS whenever he has a solo

Blue Collar Man- "the DOG and my friends"

TOMMY ROLLING HIS Rs STOP

TOMMY'S ROCKIN OUT AAAAA LOOKATHIMGO HE'S GETTIN SO INTO IT THIS IS HIS MOMENT iM GONNA BE GOING SO FUCKJNG FERAL FOR HIM IN THE 5TH ROW

Tommy pls don't fall I know you're light enough for me to catch u but pls dont fall

"the california state legislature was so loosened up they decided several records including ours had backwards satanic messages on them" NGMSKWKGOGOSLPG

JY'S MAKEUP IS SO HHHHGGGGGGGHHH

I'm such a fucking S L U T for the transition from JY to Tommy's vocals on Snowblind like that shit is better than sex

i'm just realizing now this is VERY different than what I was doing this time last night (touching Phil Lewis)

Tommy: this one goes out to all of you who ever felt like you had too much time on your hands :)

the way he SQUATS like boi he R E A D Y this is his MOMENT 👏👏👏

HIM DOING THE LITTLE HAND MOTIONS

"is it any wonder i'm not a terrorist?? 😃😃😃" TOMMY NO—

i was NOT prepared for him to actually do the unhinged eye stuff

"and IIII DONT KNOW WHAT TO DO WITH MYSELF- so I do this- *plays the solo*"

you may be cool but you'll never be as cool as Tommy Shaw that's the facts

i literally almost spit out my wine at "HE'S NOT THE PRESIDENT"

not prepped for the thing they did by splicing tommy's face bc this tape is almost 40 years old so i thought the tAPE WAS FUCKED UP

the completely unhinged ending Tommy and JY do at the end of Too Much Time by JUMP-SHUFFLING IN SYNC

Dennis and Tommy doing Don't Let It End 🥺 tommy seems to like it so much 🥺🥺

OH SHITTTTTTTT DR RIGHTEOUS IS HERE OH NOOOOOO

SHAKE IT JY FUCKIN POP IT I'M GONNA SCREAMMM

CHUCK AND JOHN I'M GONNA SCREAM

THE CROWD BOOING DR RIGHTEOUS LMAOOOO

the fucking "guitar shredder" made me snort

the angels put too much angel into Tommy when they were making Him

NOT THEM WARPING TOMMY'S VOICE AND THE PIXELATION OF THE FILM

TOMMY IN THE CROWD FUCK IT UPPPPP 👏👏👏👏👏👏

THE WAY EVERYONE'S TRYING TO TOUCH HIS HAIR

Dennis watching Tommy fall into the girls like "you're doing amazing, sweetie"

NOT JY AND TOMMY DOING A CROTCH THING ONSTAGE

TOMMY PLS KEEP SCREAMING AND CRYING OUT DON'T EVER STOP

What i would give to hear The Best of Times live 🥲

tommy's distorted voice in The Best of Times always makes me feel something in my soul i can't explain it

that being said the very end of tommy's solo in that song when the piano just starts to come back in also makes me feel something deep in my soul i can't explain it

that also being said tommy's distorted voice on the line "could bring back paradise" also makes me feel something deep in my soul I can't explain it

Dennis' smile and lil' "thank you"s at the end of The Best of Times 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺 💙💙💙

I just love that even 40 years ago as soon as ppl hear the first note of Come Sail Away they go feral like they do now

EVERYONE SINGING ALONG HHHHHHHH IT WARMS MY HEARTTT

i would lay down my life if it means i couldve been at this show

((it was here the second glass of wine kicked in))

I SAW THAT WINK JY

Chuck needs to come out of the shadows so we can see his insanely gay outfit

TOMMY BOUNCIN HIS LIL BUTT DURING THE KEYBOARD SOLO IN COME SAIL AWAY 🍑

something in me ascended when JY took over that solo 👁️👄👁️

THE GIRL ONSTAGE ONSTAGE HUGGING DENNIS AND TOMMY PLEASE THEY LIKE IT A LITTLE TOO MUCH THE WAY THEY WERE ALL SWAYING FMSKSKKVOBLF

that lil flick of tommy's wrist is SENDING ME FKANAKKFKG HE'S SO FUCKJNG BABY

UH OH TOMMY'S ON TOP OF THE PIANO

tommy needs to be kept on a leash and that's why i made those memes i posted

uh oh Tommy's convulsing and thrashing on the stage floor

UH OH TOMMY'S HUMPING CHUCK ONSTAGE

it's fine he's okay it's during Renegade he gets a pass on this one this is His Moment™ again

JESUS THAT'S A LOT OF SCREAMING TOM

it's okay it's during Renegade he gets a pass on this one

JESUS CHRIST THAT'S A LOT OF RUNNING TOM

JY and Tommy booty bumping so aggressively

TOMMY'S SHIMMYING FJSNAKKFKGKDK

OH NO THE STAGE IS GETTING RAIDED

JOHN NOOOOOOOO

oh so THAT'S how that guy died

Tommy as Jonathan: Dammit. DAMMIT! *girls squeal*

AAAAAAAAAATOMMYISSINGINGASONGASJONATHANGIVEMEHISTHEATREKIDMOMENT I'M LOVING THIS AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

Tommy's eye makeup is also so ✨✨✨

I feel the primal urge to give tommy a bouquet of roses after this show is over

i'm gonna cry Haven't We Been Here Before is just so beautiful i was NOT EXPECTING DENNIS/KILROY TO COME IN LIKE THAT

Fight me on this hot take but Tommy could do broadway and so could Dennis

the SWEAT that is GLISTENING on his face low key looks like tears

RIGHTEOUS 👏 THINKS 👏 IT'S 👏 OVER 👏👏

THE GLOWING GUITAR I'M TRYING NOT TO SCRAAEMAMD

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA TOMMY SING IT KEEP ROCK AND ROLL ALIVE YOU A R E THE MODREN MAN BABEY

I'M GONNA CRY HE'S SO GOOD IN EVERY CONCEIVABLE WAY

TOMMY PULLING THAT GIRL UP ONSTAGE AND SHE LOW KEY LOOKS LIKE ME

that was so fucking good I would KILL to see a rock show that also had a story around the whole set

[27emailsicantsend]

Do you think Ricky will write a song for Gina in s4? I NEED this!! What are some things you hope to see from Rina in s4?

I literally collapsed when I saw this ask because the idea of this makes me SO happy. I would LOVE to see him write her a song. I also wrote in my last fic that Gina wrote Ricky a song by borrowing his guitar :') so I would genuinely be happy for both. Or what if they wrote a song together?? It would all be beautiful.

And even more amazing is the second part of this question... which is so, so much. I kind of wrote in that fic mentioned earlier (Of Converse and Pavement) things that might be cute from them and I made a list of a bunch of headcanons for s4/s5 I'd like to see. All of these are located in the description. Since those are more fantasies, I will answer this with things I feel like we could *realistically* see and I would really love to see (I apologize if some are redundant from my fic/headcanons):

-Rina "Can I Have This Dance"... I don't think I need to say more

-I think it would be hilarious if Rina went as peter/gwen or mj for a couples costume on halloween because of how involved it is in the fandom. Tim has had to see us screaming about that, right??

-Ricky showing up at Gina's door and/or Gina showing up at Ricky's door but he gives her a massive hug and kiss when he sees her

-I made a theory about this, but when rina says their I Love You's they parallel the first "Oh. Oh?" scene in season 1, but this time it's a pleasant shock and reciprocated

-Not a jealous gina per say, because I don't see that happening, but some sort of acknowledgement from Ricky that he is over Nini. Like maybe someone mentions her and he kind of shrugs it off (kindly) or he says "I've never felt this way about anyone" to Red and Red goes "what about Nini?" and Ricky says, "like I said, I never felt this way about anyone. Gina is different"... idk something along those lines :')

-I genuinely think we are getting a rina secret dating era, even if it's just the conflict of one or two episodes. The way corbin intentionally made sure the camera was turned off, the doc, the "students having to deal with new fame and the complications of it", it all feels like rina is going to try to keep their cool in public so things don't get bad for them

-I think at the very least Vanessa is going to make a guest appearance from some of the things she has said in interviews, but if Zac comes back too (which would be such a shame for him not to with everyone else... even as a surprise in the finale), we will have at the very least some sort of parallel to them and rina. Even just them standing by each other in similar clothes all the way to some meta conversation, even if Vanessa is the only one to guide it. I just feel like it is so on the nose; it would be weird for the show not to point it out in some way with those characters in the room.

-This is a teeny bit of a "I don't know for sure this will happen and it's likely it won't", but I would LOVE for rina to get a second chance at homecoming!

-Ricky as troy, gina as gabriella (and possibly them somehow somehow missing part of opening night to parallel movie 3)

-ricky just being heart eyes and absolutely dumbfounded at every breath gina takes because let's be real that's been him all 3 seasons so it won't be anything new

-There is a tik tok that looks like gina is at ricky's house, but her eyes almost look watery? I don't think it will be anything bad between their relationship, but I see her actually seeking him for comfort instead of running this time. Or maybe, even better, they have a sweet conversation that makes her cry happy tears :')

-To add onto the last one, I feel like it would be an absolute crime for them to not have one scene of Gina making something and ricky at the very least watching her do it (it would be even better, and my personal headcanon, that when she is hanging at ricky's house they are making something together <3)

-I think ricky is going to sing scream, which means he is going to have tough decisions to make about his life after college. Although gina won't be in the scene directly, I see him having at least a couple of scenes where he mentions her and how she will affect his course of plans for his life after high school. It will just be a really sweet way to show how much she really benefits his life.

-I think we are getting some variation of the chocolates confession. I know tim scrapped it for the finale, but I don't think he is getting rid of it. Not every viewer is on social media, so a lot of his scenes look like plot holes without this key piece of info. I think we might get a flashback or at the very least a conversation where ricky confesses this. Maybe this is the scene that makes gina cry as mentioned earlier?

-literally forehead kisses, holding hands, at least one hug from behind, and at least one scene with his arm around her shoulders. This one makes me want to collapse thinking about it.

-Lastly, for now, I would be shocked if they didn't do something to lead off of ricky's "don't get me started"*. They used that sentence specifically in BOTH variations of the script to end the scene (mind you the other way around was supposed to be gina saying it to him). He's trying to say "there's more" not only to gina, but the audience. I feel like he is either going to gush a lot over her, go on some long winded confession, or maybe even a conflict of an episode is he gets a wee bit too intense (really hoping this last one isn't true), but knows when to back off to show character growth from r*ni. Maybe rina even makes jokes about this? idk. It just felt too intentional for there not to be more.

*Maybe all of season 4 is ricky "getting started" with his feelings for Gina because they are so big and intense. I don't know.

Anyway, I hope this answers your question for now :') thank you so much for it. It made me SO happy to answer!! I can't wait for s4!!!

[the-woild-is-y-erster]

okay so i do kind of get that but i want their voices omg what i would do to be a tenor

i’m an alto but i have a natural deep voice anyway!!

i do actually like my voice and stuff i would just love to be able to play a dude PROPERLY

i played eugene in grease and so many of my lines got cut, and i couldn’t really be myself in the role because i was so focused on making it perfect

that’s why i wanna play crutchie or jesse tuck because i feel like i could truly be myself in those roles !! but roles i don’t know anything about make me feel even worse

i genuinely cried and purposefully missed cues when i was in grease because i hated my role that much

BUT IVE COME TO TERMS WITH IT!!

i also really wanna perform as crutchie so i can do letter from the refuge my friends all say that they love my cover of it and i can never get enough of him i literally hyperfixate on him so i could play him SO WELL

Sorry tangent on how awful i felt in grease x

i also happily play female roles but i like playing male roles cause i’m more masc presenting

rant all you want shawty!! i had similar experiences in my highschool theater class, we had one boy and like 14 girls(and then me lmao) and i was the only one with a wide enough vocal range to play both? so we did beauty and the beast one year, and that was the year we FINALLY had two boys, so they (of course) got gaston and beast. well, yours truly got lefou, but my (very christian) teacher made me wear a ton of makeup and almost made me wear a dress (argued my way outta that one) so i got to play a guy's part, but it was still an iffy experience because the rest of the cast was rly annoying abt it

anywhizzle

i was in a production of joseph and the amazing technicolor dreamcoat last year, and i was one of josephs brothers along with another girl(who was The Most Annoying Person On The Planet istg) again because of the lack of boys

that theater had a better supply of guys but still not nearly enough

so i had like three singing lines, right? all pretty far down in my vocal range but i was proud of myself for being able to do it

and one of those lines the girl 'brother' (who insisted on wearing makeup and a dress for the production) spoke immediately after me, so how it went in rehearsals and even the actual shows:

me: says line

her: physically like SHOVES me aside to be CENTER F-ING STAGE which we werent supposed to do and says her line in the most annoying enthusiastic falsetto ive ever heard, and her line was something about starving😭😭

and im a soprano, and i can go weirdly low for a soprano but WHAT I WOULDNT GIVE TO BE A TENOR

j would give up my left leg and also my spleen if it meant i could be a tenor

like most of my dream theater roles are guys

and i would be happy to play a gal's part!! but like

only if its on my terms? like if audition for a bunch of guy parts and maybe one girl part, and i get the girl part? like i get that casting a wholeass musical/play can be difficult with only so many peopl and even fewer guys, but youd think that the ratio of guys to girls(and others) would raise my chances of being a guy?

idk i have so many thoughts abt this

and the voice thing OMLLLLL

like literally any time i listen to one of my favorite actors speak im like 'sir can i B L E A SE HAVE YOUR VOICE'

or even just some of the guys ive interacted with in everyday life

like do you know how many times a cashier's voice has made me want to cry because its so deep/melodic/beautiful/masculine???

[thescarletwitchsapprentice]

Would... would it be alright to ask for some soft platonic stuff with your OC Anya?

Like, maybe the her new sister is still not used to be with her but had a nightmare and Anya comforts her?

I dunno, I just love her so basically anything with her would be fun.

I am shooketh in the best way possible. (Maybe I should eventually introduce y’all to some more of my OCs)

I’m gonna make this non-yan, since you didn’t specify if you wanted yandere or not.

Home Is Where Sweet Dreams Blossom (big sister!Tetyana “Anya” Malinovsky/big sister!Iridescence x orphan!witch!plus-sized!adopted!baby sister!reader)

*Not my GIF. I miss the emo Wanda.

Summary: Roughly a month ago, you were taken in by Tetyana “Anya” and Erik Malinovsky; Ukrainian twins who, like you, were unwillingly experimented on and by the same organization no less. You thought you’d left it all behind you, but the past isn’t so easy to forget, no matter how much you wish it was.

(CW: Nightmares, hurt and comfort, weight mention, family death mention, betrayal mention)

Author’s Note: I was genuinely over the moon when I saw this request. I’m so glad that people love Anya! You’ll also get a little bit of Erik in this, so you’ll kinda get to meet him. <3

It’s been a few months since the Malinovsky twins had found you wandering around all by yourself. You were a captive of the same organization that had kidnapped them; CERBERUS. The name itself makes you feel sick. Thank God you had managed to escape, but you had no family; they were all killed when you were fifteen after the government ended up catching word that you were a witch, a death sentence there. How you’d managed to keep it hidden for five years you weren’t sure, but it didn’t matter now. Poor little you just wandered around the streets of Kyiv, Ukraine, nearly a thread’s width away from death at all times. You found yourself scavenging for food, but found little. That was the one time you thanked yourself for being overweight; when you had no food, your body burned the extra fat stored in it. Of course if your family was gonna overfeed one of the siblings, it’d be the youngest one.

That was about three years ago. You’re still a bit overweight somehow, but eventually your body was going to crack under pressure. You had been stumbling along as usual, your vision a bit worse for wear than usual and you feeling dizzy. You felt as though you would pass away if you didn’t get help. Up ahead, you saw two figures and tried to cry out to them, but your mouth was sandpaper-dry, only managing to croak out a little. You swore you could see them getting closer, but you weren’t sure, and you didn’t have time to be sure because.....

.....everything went still and silent.

When you woke up, you found yourself in a warm bed, hearing a beautiful voice singing softly to you in Ukrainian while petting your head and then offering you a hot meal and a place to stay. And that was how you ended up with the twins.

======================================================

Despite their kindness, it’s still taking you a long time to adjust. There’s always this lingering fear that they’ll kick you out like everyone else who’s offered to let you stay with them; they’d only do it because they wanted something from you, so it’s safe to say that your trust isn’t there. And so instead of talking about your emotions, you just bottle them up and try to deal with them yourself.

But somehow tonight seems different. The whole day had been extra emotional for you; it was the anniversary of the day you saw your whole family get killed in an effort to protect you, and so you’d been feeling overwhelmed with these sensations; a closing throat, tight chest, thin voice, watery eyes, the works. 

That night you get into bed and try to go to sleep. But once you do, you begin tossing and turning as you’re immediately thrown into nightmares of the twins suddenly tossing you out of their place, just as the others had done to you in the past, CERBERUS finding you, torturing you even more for the rest of your life.

Your voice rises in your sleep as you whimper out a series of “no”s; the volume crescendos. However you’re not aware that you were even screaming until you hear someone calling out your name and gently shaking you.

“Baby sister!” Anya’s voice echos over her nightmare version insulting you. “Baby sister, please wake up!”

All of a sudden, you shoot up in a cold sweat, trembling. You look at the two twins.

“P-please....” you whimper. “Please don’t throw me out.....I-I’ll do whatever you want, I promise. Just please, please, please......please l-let me stay.....please don’t....don’t throw me back to the streets.....I don’t want CERBERUS to find me!”

You feel your eyes begin to water up.

“Throw you out?” Erik asks, his voice sounding genuinely confused. “Why would we throw you out?”

“....They all do....eventually.....they get what they want and then.....I’m just trash....”

Your voice squeaks on that last part and the tears begin to fall.

“Oh....sweet, baby sister....” 

Anya brings you in close, hugging you as she tears up as well and rubbing your back.

“How about I get you some water?” Erik asks. “I promise I won’t use my speed powers this time.”

He gets up and heads to the kitchen as Anya keeps hugging you.

“I’m right here, baby sister,” she coos gently. “Your big sister’s right here.”

“Big.....sister?”

You’re genuinely confused.

“You....don’t want anything from me?” you squeak.

“No,” she assures you. “I just want you, baby sister.”

“Wh...what do you mean by that?”

“Exactly what I said. I want you to be my baby sister. I want you to become part of our family.”

“So....you’re not gonna throw me out onto the street?”

“Never!” Anya hugs you even tighter. “I love you too much to toss you aside, Erik loves you too much to toss you aside. You are not trash and you never will be. You are our sweet and precious baby sister and you always will be.”

Hearing this, your tears of fear slowly turn into tears of relief. 

“And even if you weren’t our baby sister,” she says. “Though I’m glad that you are now, you were born for a reason. You have worth and value, trash doesn’t have worth or value.”

“Can’t it be made into compost?” you sniffle.

“Perhaps,” she tells you. “But you wouldn’t be the compost in the garden.”

“....What would I be then?” you ask innocently.

“You? You would be the loveliest flower in the entire garden, baby sister.”

“Are you sure that wouldn’t be you?”

Anya blushes at this.

“Maybe we’d both be lovely flowers then,” she says. “And our silly big brother would be a silly bunny who tries to eat the vegetables nearby.”

“Hey!” Erik arrives just in time to hear this. “I resemble that remark!”

“Don’t you mean resent?” you ask, looking at him in confusion.

“I know what I said,” he answers confidently.

You and Anya giggle as he sets down the glass of water, ice and straw included. 

“Would you like me to stay with you tonight, baby sister?” Anya asks.

You nod.

“What about your strong big brother?” Erik asks. “I could stay with you.”

“You’re the silly big brother.” Anya smiles.

“Am not!”

Anya sticks her tongue out at him and he sticks his out at her. You start giggling. Hearing this Anya’s heart melts and she squeezes you tightly.

“So precious.....so adorable!” she squeals.

“Air! Air!” you gasp out.

Anya loosens her grip and blushes. 

“Sorry....cute aggression got ahold of me.”

“So do you want me to stay with you?” Erik asks.

“I kinda wanna snuggle up with my big sister tonight, sowwy.” You look at Erik with puppy-dog eyes. 

He tries to hide his melting heart.

“That’s fine,” he says. “But first.....tickle attack!”

He speeds over to you and tackles you, tickling you. You squeal and giggle, trying to tickle him back. Anya giggles as well, but soon uses her magic to end the tickle war.

“Alright, alright,” she giggles. “Let’s not get her heart pumping so late at night.”

Anya turns to you.

“How about I tell you a fairytale, baby sister?” she asks.

“Which one?” you wonder.

“My favorite one,” she smiles.

Hearing this Erik groans.

“The same story? Really?”

“The Golden Slipper is a beautiful fairytale!” Anya exclaims. 

“But it’s the only one you’ll tell. Always slipper, slipper, slipper.”

“Because it’s beautiful and I have it memorized.”

“I like it too,” you nod, giving him puppy-dog eyes again.

His heart melts and you know it, no matter how much he’s trying to hide it.

“Fine.....but it’s gonna be a thing for you two tonight. I’m gonna go somewhere slipper-free.”

He rushes back to his bedroom. Anya rolls her eyes, smiling.

“If he tries to run off next time, I’m going to turn him into a bunny rabbit,” she whispers to you. 

You giggle and the two of you snuggle under the covers as she tells you the tale once again, petting your head. Even with a soft and gentle voice, she still manages to be expressive. Once she finishes telling the story, she softly sings her favorite Ukrainian lullaby. Her angelic voice and her calming embrace lull you further into sleep. 

And for the first time in years, you feel safe.

[chowonsang]

i meant to reply days ago on my post and only got reminded cuz your video BUT yes I was at the chicago concert!!! I also saw people saying it was dead and I was like huh what concert are you at it's almost Too loud.. also your video of d1 <3 he deserves the world he's so sweet. I read thru some of your poets, you gave the key rings at the fansign? How'd that go? also did you do any snapshots? rly I just want to hear someone else also gush/rant happily about their time hehe

its under the read more bc this just turned into word vomit bc i miss and love them so fucking much

I WANTED TO DO SNAPSHOTS SO BAD but i alread spent over 300 on the trip (tickets themselves + hotel room + gas to get there) so i couldnt buy them BUT when i gave them all the keyrings they were sooooo sweet about it and looked so surprised that i was giving them something that wasnt a letter ToT

changmin said it was pretty and dongil said that the picture i used was cute (one side was them after they debuted and the other were the pics of them when they were kids that they posted for childrens day). my hands were shaking A Lot and almost every member held my hand when i gave them the keychains telling me i shouldnt be nervous. they looked genuinely worried and i dont blame them bc i felt like i was gonna pass out (and i started crying afterword afshbkdj) and i think they recognized me when i went back back up to do the high five + group photo bc changmin asked me if i was okay now TT (tho to be fair having bright purple hair + giving them a gift + on the verge of tears/passing out + being one of the only ppl to talk to them in korean might have contributed to that...)

also maknae line were sosososo sweet and cute. i told junseo that hes really pretty and he looked so surprised and asked 'really?' and all i could do was say yes bc the staff were starting to get upset that i was taking .5 seconds longer than i should have (even tho DKB were the ones holding my hands what did they want me to do snatch my hand away? afjshk). yuku had the brightest smile and harry june asked if i was nervous and when i told him yes he looked so worried and said 'dont be nervous!'

when we did the group photo all in was playing and me and the girl next to me started dancing and singing along before the photo and heechan turned around in surprise as if us knowing the song was a shock afhsbk but he looked so happy so see us vibing with the song and he started dancing in his seat too it was cute

also like. i dont know how to describe it but they are soooo attractive in person. photos dont do any of them justice at all. im sure u saw bc u did snapshots with some of them lol but junseo.... god i just want to tell him how handsome he is that he shouldnt listen to those ppl who tell him otherwise and that we will love him no matter what... iirc him and changmin were the only members taller than me but to be 100% honest i was too focused on not bawling my eyes out in front of them to notice much on that front lol (but i do remember yuku and lune being so tiny and cute and all of their hands were smaller than mine ashkj)

i wish i had more time to talk to them to tell them how amazing and talented they are and how proud bbs are of them but the staff were really pushy with trying to get the fansign line moving. i get it, there were a lot of us, but a guy can dream. even though the time was short they really tried their best to comfort me in the time we did have and that meant a lot <3

ALSO slightly off topic but the main reason i was close to passing out was bc of how hot the venue was while waiting for the fansign. i was sweating so bad before during and after the concert so i got some water from the bar (four fucking dollars 😒) and i talked to the bartenders for a bit. according to them, the boys were super nice and sweet and like. ofc as bbs we think that the boys are kind but hearing from someone that has no emotional connection to them and interacts with hundreds of celebrities throughout the year that dkb are sweet boys... it just.. its nice. its nice to see that theyre kind to people who are outside of the fandom bc sadly thats not the norm for every group

[theagonyofadoration]

so i think i'm gonna start a series here. after some pondering and a Truly Impressive mental illness tank, i am essentially. starting over? in my spiritual practice. and i'm thinking it might be helpful for other people to read about and follow along with. i know it's a big ol' thing to clean up or brag about practices, but i also know that if you're insecure (like me) that seeing these things and only these things can either serve as inspiration or, more often, paralyze you from acting due to perfectionism strangling your determination. i am terrified of not measuring up quite right, and thus don't do anything at all. is this a bad habit? yes. am i working on it? also yes. therefore, starting over and writing this out for anyone in the same boat.

SO. this is an introduction. hi. i go by M and am a 26 nonbinary creature. i am a kemetic practitioner of over ten years, a witch of even longer, and a former-Catholic current-folk catholic of an ambiguous number of years depending upon how technical you want to get. beyond that I don't know who I am or what I want to be. A lot of this is a result of mental illness (of which I am well-aquainted with) but it's also a result of being taught something.

A lot of my practice needs to involve unlearning measuring myself up. Against what? Anything and everything in this realm of things. Of ancient practices, of current reconstructed practices, of the leftovers of being raised with a downright impressively catholic education and standard of behavior when it comes to interacting with the divine. I never, never, ever have thought about taking myself seriously as the one to take priority when it comes to standards, goals, and desires. Why would any of that matter if I wasn't Doing It Right, right?

But the entire thing centers around me, as concerningly self-centered that sounds on its own. None of this matters on an infinitesimal scale if I'm not putting my whole heart and soul into it with the knowledge that it matters beyond not wanting to get punished for being unpalatable, clumsy, wrong, whatever other interpretation you want to use that carries negative connotations. If I'm not doing things that I know are important and well-received to the point of meaningful confirmation and certainty that I succeeded, then what's the point? Shouldn't I just be an atheist or agnostic and abandon my practice and the beings I serve and love without looking back? If not that, then shouldn't I just numbly follow the motions with some idle subconscious hope that it's doing what it does for the other people that are succeeding?

The answer is no, apparently. No to both. Some part of my heart and soul cling to the parts of my practice that rang true and registered as meaningful and satisfying. In that way, I am being pulled to the nostalgia of being a young teen and doing a mix of astral travel and meditating with visualization more than I did anything else. Making myself available to those Over There, paying attention for signs in the corporeal world that support what I needed most to come across. I studied others' information, don't get me wrong. But I also let myself experience things that felt undeniably real and life-changing without picking apart to viscera and bones to see if it was close enough to what others said was important.

I am losing the desperation I once had for external validation, leaving in its place a gaping space of blank uncertainty. It might be the 2 co-morbid depressive disorders, but I genuinely don't know what to do about it. The inclination is to face it head-on and step in without hesitating or thinking, impulse singing loud and clear. It intertwines with the freeze response to simply wait for someone else to tell us where to go and what to do.

But I have a feeling that's the part that needs to be sat down with something warm and sweet to drink so the other parts can get to stepping.

Ultimately I have no idea where this is going. Quite a far cry from the way I spoke and explained in my previous posts, I'm aware. But hopefully this makes it come across how sincere I am behind the screen and off the internet about this... void.

First step to look at? The Nun and zep tepi.

[finelinevogue]

Just wanted to say 2 things:

1)Love the fic where he proposed over a cup of tea…so sweet💗

2) we all know how H has asthma sometimes so…could u write something w/the reader helping him with an attack idk or during an interview/concert/family gathering do as u pls

A nice day

XOXO

firstly, thank you so much that’s so sweet of you <33 and secondly, um yes i would love to give this a go at writing for you! hope you enjoy;

Harry couldn’t breathe.

He was in a panic, completely terrified of the uncontrollable situation. He was having an asthma attack concocted with a panic attack and it was brutal.

“Shit,” Jeff whispered as he watched Harry breathe heavily and loudly on the floor. His friend was currently on his hands and knees trying to gasp for air, whilst dressed in his notorious Fine Line outfit.

It was the big night. The one night only at The Forum for the release of his new album Fine Line, hence the costume. He had been nervous all day, with shaking hands and a tendency to forget simple things. You had been with him all day; having a slow brunch together out in the Hollywood Hills and then just chilling around for the afternoon. You didn’t want to anything to strain his voice, so talking hadn’t been an option. That left you either to sleeping and cuddling, whilst watching a movie, or sex. Now you were all for sex, but Harry complained that he liked talking to you during it and so that got shut down pretty quickly. You didn’t forget what he whispered to your ear though just before you cuddled into watching Bambi;

“Keep your moans for later, you’ll be fucking needing them for what I have planned.”

But that was over two hours ago now. Harry had been whisked away to start getting ready, what with hair and makeup first. You’d left him to it, telling him you would just lounge around and wait for him. It was when he was getting into costume had you announced you were just going to go down the street to get some coffee from Dunkin’ - seeing as there were few of them back in England, where you most commonly lived with Harry. The problem was you hadn’t come back yet, and it was an hour later.

“Harry mate, you need to calm down.” Kid Harpoon told him carefully, kneeling down next to his good friend. Nothing was working though and Harry was too breathless to ask anyone for his inhaler.

It had started by thinking about how nervous he actually was for tonight. It was such a huge show and one of a kind too. He was playing his new album and it wasn’t even 24 hours old yet. There was so much pressure weighing him down that he couldn’t breathe - he was suffocating in the anxiety of his own mind and he couldn’t escape at all. Then because he was in so much of a panic his asthma hit him and added another reason to his breathlessness. It was finally made worst when he realised you weren’t by his side to help him. You weren’t there to quickly eliminate the asthma and focus on helping him overcome the panic attack, instead he had his mates surrounding him - crowding him - and they didn’t know the first thing to do.

“Sarah, where’s Y/N?” Mitch shouted, making Harry squint the thought away. He didn’t want to think about how something back might’ve happened or might be happening to you. Where were you? Sarah’s response did no better to help him.

“I don’t know.”

“Harry bud. Talk to us.” Jeff spoke, crouched down in front of him. Harry shook his head, tears running from his eyes as he began crying. The sobs were really harsh and embarrassing. The tears were heavy and mixed with snot running from his nose to pool on the floor below him. He was not doing well at all, coughing when the asthma choked him up. He couldn’t do this. He felt like he was in a small box and it was only getting smaller. He felt as if he were going to die. Genuinely.

“Does he look like he can talk, dickward.” Adam’s voice came from the other side of Harry, messing his head up even more. There was so many voices and he couldn’t focus on just one, but he didn’t want to. He wanted yours. He needed yours. You.

Whenever this has happened before he was always luckily in the comfort of his home, or the tour bus and always with you. So this was unfamiliar and terrifying. He was beginning to think you’d left him or you’d gotten seriously hurt, but he couldn’t do anything to help. He was stuck - paralysed to this position as his lungs collapsed in on themselves and his brain sped the same speed as a train. You were his comfort person and it was only ever you that he wanted in situations like these. Just you.

“Move out of my way. Move!” Harry thought he heard you and your voice, but he hated that his mind could be playing tricks on him in desperation for what, or whom, he truly wanted.

He felt someone crash on the floor in front of him and the almighty smell of lavender and soap hit him all at once. This time, he was glad to have someone sit so close to him, because it was you.

“Harry look at me, hey, hey. You’re okay. Look at me bubs.” You spoke calmly, trying not to sound panicked yourself, even if you were heavily worried. You watched as he looked up at you, eyes ridiculously red and puffy whilst his nose was dripping like a leaking tap. You wanted to rub his tears away and dab away the snot, but your main priority was on his breathing first. “Okay good, okay.”

Your hand went into your bag and picked out his inhaler. You shook it a few times, before putting it into Harry’s mouth. “On three, one, two, three…” Harry tried is best to breathe in and you pushed down on the canister. “Good, bubs, really good. Okay again, one, two, three…” You repeated and then a third time until you could tell that the wheezing of his asthma attack had disappeared.

“T-than…” Harry tried to mumble out, but couldnt because he was still in panic and his throat was so dry.

“Sshh you’re okay.” You turned to one of the crew members and asked for them to fetch you a bottle of water. You asked people to clear out of the room and leave you with Harry for a bit, knowing he wouldn’t settle in front of all these people. You sat on the floor, crossed legged, and brought Harry to lay his head in your lap with his body trailing behind. You offered him one of your hands to squeeze if he wanted to, which he appreciated, cupping both of his around yours. Your other hand laid to stroke through his gelled hair - that would no doubt have to be redone now.

Instead of going straight into talking to him, you sang his favourite lullaby to him in aid of calming him down. It always worked, or at least helped a little. You sang quietly, noticing the beat of his heart soften with every line you sung. You were by no means a professional singer like him, but he liked the way it was so imperfect and mellow. It calmed him to hear something so simple and so you. Whilst you sang the crew never came back with your requested water and you thanked them, before you were the only ones left in the room.

After you finished singing you noticed how calm Harry was, almost still - the complete opposite to how he’d been all of 10 minutes ago. It was amazing what the power of you could do to him.

“What colour are we feeling?” You and Harry had created your own little system by which you would let each other know how you’re feeling by a colour of the rainbow. You’d designated a meaning to all of them that only you two could understand and used them on the days when you weren’t feeling great, to help understand each other’s feelings better.

“The whole bloody rainbow.” Harry mumbled out and you passed the water around so he could take a few sips, to which he thanked you graciously for.

“Oi, you can’t have that as your answer.” It was a rule that you could only use one colour to some your most intense emotion in that moment, otherwise there was kind of no point to the system.

“But it’s true. I feel grey with confusion, blue with sadness, purple with frustration, yellow with fear and even light yellow with cowardice. Yet I feel pink with happiness and light red with love.”

“What about red red?” You teased, not being able to help yourself.

“What? Lust? Always, for you that is.” You leant down to kiss his head as he cracked a joke, showing you that your Harry was still there beneath all this worry.

“Tell me what the colours represent in real life.”

“Purple because I am frustrated that I had to have a panic attack right before the biggest show of my career. Yellow because I am frightened that nobody will like the album and it will be a complete fail of a night. Grey because I can’t choose one colour and focus on it. I.. I—”

You could tell he getting himself worked up again, so cut him short. “Bubs stop, you’re okay. Listen to me.” You tucked his hair behind his ear as if to open it up for him to hear better. “Don’t ever be frustrated with yourself for something like this. You are allowed to have moments of weakness; you wouldn’t be human if you didn’t. Did this compromise your show? No. Did this show off how strong and brave you are? Yes. That’s what is important, therefore we can swap purple for dark yellow because you were brave. Which means yellow can also turn to dark yellow because you are so brave for doing something so huge and so wonderful. People already love the album H. Can’t get enough of it. Everyone will sing along to every word, I can promise you that. Or at least I will. You are amazing, so never undersell yourself. That’s important to me and for you. Bubs, you are so amazing for what you’re doing here tonight and I couldn’t be prouder of you. Yes, a panic attack isn’t nice and it isn’t convenient, but it just helps show how much you care about tonight and it going a success. That must count for something.”

He didn’t say anything for a bit and that was okay. He was most likely getting his thoughts together and mentally preparing himself for the greatest night of his life. You bent your body over so you could hug him, since his back was to your front, and just give him a squeeze to reiterate how proud you are of him.

“Y/N.” Harry spoke quietly, as your body encased his. You embraced his warmth and inhaled the beautiful scent that he was wearing. He both smelt and looked phenomenal.

“Yes bubs.”

“You know I love you right?” Of course you did, but it still made your heart flutter as crazy as the first time he said it to when he tells you now.

“I do.”

“And you know you’re it for me right?”

“Well.. I—” You didn’t want to get too ahead of yourself.

“Because you are.” Harry turned himself around, making you sit up so he could move. He was lying with his head facing upwards now, face looking less red and puffy, and staring right into the souls of your eyes. He looked magical. Beautiful. He thought the same of you. “And,” he moved his fingers to take off his S ring from Gucci, that probably cost more than your annual salary, and place it onto your ring finger of your right hand, “I give you this as a promise to share my last name with you someday.”

Seeing the initial of his last name sat on the finger opposite to the one he claimed he would one day put two more rings on, brought you to tears. “Harry…” You didn’t know what to say, you were speechless. You had never expected for him to do something as monumental as this and had never experienced it before to know how to react.

Of course you’d always dreamt of marrying him and being his for eternity, but never thought of it possibly becoming your reality. Now, Harry was completely devoting himself to you and only you and it suddenly all felt like the dream was settling in place.

“I swear to you Y/N, i’ll love you until the next lifetime and i’ll find you again. I love you so much, I can’t even tell you how much because it is so infinite. You’re so kind and patient with me and you see me for me, not for the Harry Styles, just Harry. I’ll never let a day pass without you on my mind and I think it’s because you were always meant to be mine. My heart is yours.” He smiled once he noticed you were crying, moving one of his hands up to wipe the tears away.

“How do I top that?” You whispered to him, but mostly to yourself. Both of you laughed.

“Just tell me you love me.”

“I do. I do love you Harry.” You nodded and then he sealed your confirmation with a kiss to his lips. You rested your hand upon his cheek, placing the coolness of the S ring upon his cheekbone, as he placed his hand under your chin to guide you into the kiss. He tasted divine and you smiled knowing that you got to have him like this, taste him like this, for the rest of your beating hearts’ days.

[yournameoneverypage]

When You're Ready

Reader request: Shawn Mendes x (y/n). "Shawn is on tour and invites the reader to the show so he can ask her to be his girlfriend and he sings When You're Ready, but Camila shows up and the reader is convinced that it's for C and not for her."

Word Count: ~3.7

Notes: Mostly fluff with brief moments of angst, and a smut ending.

Warnings: NSFW

~ * ~

(Y/n) stood at baggage claim at LAX, waiting for her blush-colored suitcase to roll by on the carousel. She was going to be in California for almost a week. Why? Well, her best friend was Shawn Mendes and he was currently on tour. He was missing her something fierce, he had said, and he wanted her to come see him.

Shawn had two sold out shows, consecutive nights, at the Staples Center followed by a show in San Francisco three days later, so why not make a week of it? His idea, but the second he mentioned it she was on board. She’d figure it out, find a way to make it work.

Any time she got to spend with him was both treasured and torturous. But she would go through the pain and heartache over and over again if it meant nearly a week with her most favorite person.

See, the thing was, (y/n) had been in love with Shawn for nearly as long as she had known him.

~ * ~

After retrieving her bag, (y/n) went in search of her driver. Shawn had said he or she would be holding a sign with her name on it. Shawn had a few interviews to do that morning, so (y/n) would be taken to his hotel to wait for him to finish, and then they’d have the entire afternoon and evening to spend together.

Aside from the aforementioned interviews, this was a day off for Shawn and he wanted to make the most of it because the Staples Center shows were the following two nights, and there wouldn’t be much down time during the days with soundchecks, meet and greets, and Q&As before showtime. Fortunately they would have more time to spend together between LA and San Francisco.

(Y/n) located her driver, who smiled brightly and introduced himself as John. He took her bag and engaged her in friendly chatter as he led her toward an idling Range Rover.

Who left a vehicle like this idling curbside at the airport?

John opened the rear passenger door for her with a knowing grin. (Y/n) started to climb in before she even noticed him.

“Shawn!” She almost tipped over into his lap reaching across the seat to hug him.

“Surprise, babe!” he chuckled into her ear.

“You’re here!”

“I’m sorry I didn’t collect you myself, but as much as I love my fans, I didn’t want to get stuck here for a half an hour taking selfies.”

“I thought you were in interviews all morning.”

“I was. I was hoping to come with John to pick you up, but I honestly didn’t know how long all the interviews were going to take so I didn’t want you to be disappointed if I said I would be here but then wasn’t.”

He was always so thoughtful; it was one of the many, many things (y/n) loved about him. She linked her hand with his between them, squeezed, and smiled. “I missed you.”

With a grin, he leaned over and kissed her forehead. “Missed you, too. So much. I’m so happy you’re here,” he breathed.

~ * ~

The day flew by way too quickly.

Once Shawn got (y/n) checked in and settled at the hotel, in a room that adjoined his, they grabbed lunch at one of Shawn’s favorite places.

It was (y/n)’s first ever visit to Los Angeles. Shawn had asked her if there were any specific things that were on her must do/see list, and he’d take care of everything.

They visited the Griffith Observatory, and strolled down the Hollywood Walk of Fame.

(Y/n) thought, and Shawn agreed, that too much attention might be drawn to them if he was spotted along Venice Beach or the Santa Monica Pier, as he had already been approached a few times during their activities earlier in the day. (Y/n) had been understanding and supportive of him spending a few minutes chatting with his fans and taking photos. She actually took a few of the photos herself.

Another day, he promised.

Instead, they spent a good part of the late afternoon and early evening at the Getty Center Museum.

They had dinner in Little Tokyo, followed by drinks at a tiki bar. Only one for (y/n) because she was a lightweight and tiki drinks were known to be quite strong. Shawn stopped after two, as he had a full day the next day and didn’t want to risk waking up with a hangover.

Back at the hotel, freshly showered, in pajamas, and in Shawn’s room, stretched out on his king-sized bed, Shawn and (y/n) ordered something from room service to share.

Even though they had chosen a movie to watch, they were too busy talking and laughing to pay much attention to the television.

~ * ~

Staples Center, Day One, had (y/n) immersed in the thick of things with Shawn, his band, and his crew. She knew only a few of them and was introduced to many more. Her laminated pass was the same as what everyone else had, giving her access to anything and anywhere she wished.

She soaked up as much as possible.

Shawn didn’t always attend soundcheck with his band, but for (y/n) he definitely wanted to be there so she could fully experience it. She stayed backstage, chatting with Shawn’s people while he did his meet and greet photos. She sat in on his Q&A session but stayed unobtrusively toward the back of the room. She could talk to him whenever she wanted; this was his fans’ time with him.

The concert was unbelievable, as (y/n) knew it would be. Shawn always left his heart and gratitude on stage.

That night they were in (y/n)’s room, she on one of the doubles, Shawn in the other. He was still a little high on adrenaline, asking her how she enjoyed the day, and especially how she enjoyed the show.

She knew it wouldn’t be long before he completely crashed out. When he did, he was still in her room.

~ * ~

Staples Center, Day Two, was much the same, although they started the day with Shawn dragging (y/n) to the gym to work out with him. They also skipped soundcheck to get lost together in the backstage corridors.

The closer it came to showtime, the more anxious Shawn seemed to get. He had a different vibe about him than he had the night before.

While eating dinner, (y/n) asked him if everything was alright. He assured her everything was amazing; it just felt like something big was about to happen and he hoped it would turn out to be a good kind of big.

~ * ~

Again, the show was absolutely incredible, although after the song he normally ended with, before acknowledging his band and going into the encore, he tried to quiet the deafening audience with a finger pressed against his lips.

Of course, it was futile. He just laughed, somewhat nervously, and said, “This song is for someone very special to me. Someone who is here tonight. I want her to know how I feel about her...”

That seemed to get everyone’s attention.

Shawn found (y/n) in the audience, met her eyes, and smiled adoringly.

Maybe I had too many drinks But that's just what I needed I hope that you don't think that what I'm saying sounds conceited When I look across the room, and you're staring right back at me Like somebody told a joke and we're the only ones laughin'

(Y/n)’s heart started thumping. He couldn’t be singing this for her, could he...? He had never expressed any interest in her as more than a friend. Had he?

Don't know why I tried 'Cause ain't nobody like you Familiar disappointment every single time I do Every single night my arms are not around you My mind's still wrapped around you

A couple of girls beside (y/n) bent their heads together and pointed to something or someone standing to the side of the stage. Shawn seemed to notice, as she had, and looked toward the side stage.

She followed his line of vision to see Camila standing there, beaming brightly. She put her fingertips to her lips and blew him a big kiss.

(Y/n) didn’t notice, over the dizzying blood rush in her head, that Shawn seemed to stumble a little through the chorus.

Baby, tell me when you're ready I'm waitin' Baby, any time you're ready I'm waitin'

Even ten years from now If you haven't found somebody I promise, I'll be around Tell me when you're ready I'm waitin'

He glanced once more toward Camila, but just as quickly his smile settled again in (y/n)’s direction. His voice steadied and grew stronger.

What if my dad is right When he says that you're the one No, I can't even argue I won't even fight him on it Call you when it's late And I know that you're in bed 'Cause I'm three hours back Seems like you're always six ahead

(Y/n) smiled back, although it seemed more reflexive than genuine, as her heart was currently crumbling to pieces. She tried her hardest to be happy for her best friend and the woman he was currently confessing his feelings for, on stage, in front of everyone.

Don't know why I tried 'Cause ain't nobody like you Familiar disappointment every single time I do Every single night my arms are not around you My mind's still wrapped around you

Baby, tell me when you're ready I'm waitin' Baby, any time you're ready I'm waitin'

Even ten years from now If you haven't found somebody I promise, I'll be around Tell me when you're ready I'm waitin', yeah

And if I have to, I'll wait forever Say the word and I'll change my plans Yeah, you know that we fit together I know your heart like the back of my hand...

Before the song ended, overwhelmed, unable to continue her façade, (y/n) had slipped from the crowd and backstage.

She wasn’t sure where to go once she was backstage. She was fighting back tears, so her vision was blurry, but she didn’t want to stop to ask anyone how to get out of the venue because they might ask why she was crying and then it would all turn into one big mess.

A voice from behind her asked, “You’re Shawn’s friend, right? Are you looking for his dressing room?” Was she? Would she be able to face him after his encore and bows?

“Yes, please,” she found herself answering.

“End of the corridor, turn right, first door on the left.”

(Y/n) nodded her thanks and began to follow the directions she was given. She wasn’t sure if it would be the first or last place anyone would be looking for her.

~ * ~

Shawn burst into his dressing room, out of breath from the end of his show and running around looking for (y/n). Incredibly relieved to see her, he gasped, “Are you okay? What happened?? You just disappeared!”

“I’m sorry. I just needed a few minutes.”

“In the middle of the most important song of the night?”

Her voice cracked. “I said I was sorry.” And she was. She should have stayed till the end. “I was caught off guard.”

“Oh no, babe. Shit! I’m sorry, (y/n). I overwhelmed you, didn’t I? I shouldn’t have made it so public. It should have been a private conversation. Forgive me?” he whispered.

“Of course. You’re my best friend and I’m happy for you,” she smiled softly, truly. And she was. His happiness meant more to her than anything else. It was just going to take some time to refortify her heart. “I wish you and Camila the best.”

“Camila?” Little wrinkles formed between his eyebrows. “What are you talking about?”

“What do you mean, what am I talking about?” she puffed.

Suddenly Shawn started laughing.

(Y/n) placed her hands in the center of his chest and pushed him away, unamused.

He caught her wrists and pulled her to him. “I wasn’t singing that song for her.” He placed her hands over his heart and covered them with his own. “I was singing it for you, my beautiful, clueless, wonderful, precious love.”

“What?” she exhaled.

“I finished singing and looked for your eyes, only to find you gone.”

“I don’t understand,” she whispered.

“I was going to ask you to be my girlfriend. Not Camila. You, (y/n). In front of the entire Staples Center audience. Why did you think I wanted Camila?”

“You kept looking at her side stage.”

“I glanced at her twice,” he contended, lightheartedly. “I was surprised. I didn’t expect her to be here tonight. It’s true that she recently told me she has deeper feelings for me-”

“And you have always had feelings for her.”

“I had feelings for her. Past tense. Before I met you. Are you really arguing with me about how I feel about you?” he smirked.

“But you didn’t sing that song last night, when Camila wasn’t here.”

“You are!” he laughed again.

“Stop laughing!” she exclaimed, unable to stop herself from giggling, her heart blooming with hope. She then whispered, “Did you really mean it?”

“Oh, darling...

“If I had professed my feelings last night and you had turned me down, I don’t think I would have been able to get through tonight. Telling you tonight, when there were three days before San Francisco, would have either given us time to disappear together for a few days, or would have given me time to sort myself out if you didn’t want me the way I want you.

“Please tell me you want me.”

(Y/n) wanted to scream, yes, I want you!, but instead she teased, trying to keep a straight face, “I don’t know. Any boyfriend of mine has to be a good kisser. Are you a good kisser?”

“I am a fantastic kisser,” he grinned. He tucked a strand of her hair behind her ear and slid his hand to the nape of her neck.

“Prove it.”

His other hand circled her waist, fell against the small of her back. He leaned in, watched her eyelids flutter, then close, and gently guided her lips to his.

She had imagined this moment for so long but it was much more than she had ever expected. Thousands of thoughts were forced away to make room for one single idea. How could one kiss cause the world to fall away around her?

“Shawn,” she said, breathless, easing away.

“Still proving it,” he murmured. He softly licked at the seam of her lips, and when she responded he deepened their kiss. Her heart was pounding, and she was warm from head to toe. She felt his tongue meet hers and her entire body began to hum.

Their knees were weak when their lips separated.

Shawn touched his nose to hers. “Well...?”

“I will be more than happy to kiss you all night long, but only after you take a shower,” she giggled.

~ * ~

(Y/n) knocked on the adjoining door. She didn’t wait for a response before letting herself through.

Shawn was leaning against the dresser, partly sitting on it, phone to his ear, wearing nothing but baggy, cotton pajama pants. His chest and feet were bare. By his side of the conversation, (y/n) grasped that they were talking about the plan for the days leading up to San Francisco.

He held his hand out to her in invitation. His legs fell open and she automatically moved into the V they made. He ended his call, set his cell aside, and placed his large hands on her hips.

“So, about what you said... Something about kissing me all night long?”

She moved even closer to him. One of her hands curled around the back of his neck, the other tangled in his still damp curls. The roughened pads of his thumbs caressed the bare, soft skin just above the waistband of her pajama shorts.

She kissed him, tenderly at first, and then with growing intensity. He gently bit her top lip, sucked it, her teeth tugged on his lower lip. His kiss was determined and sent her head spinning. She began to tremble as she clung to him.

Shawn’s lips slowed and softened; he eased away and breathed, “I’ve already waited so long; we can take our time.” He slid his hands further up (y/n)’s sides, under her shirt. “We don’t have to rush into anything. I can wait for you.” She felt his thumbs brush either side of her breasts.

She started trailing tiny kisses from his chin up along his jawline before touching the tip of her tongue to the lobe of his ear. “I don’t want to wait,” she purred.

“Oh, thank God,” he groaned before again pressing hungry lips to hers.

She responded without hesitation.

Her hands trailed down his chest and to his sides, her fingers playing over the ripples of his stomach. She brushed her knuckles against the start of his arousal and his breath hitched, cupped him through thin cotton.

He arched his pelvis against the heat of her palm and she heard a low, rumbling moan from the back of his throat. He tangled a hand in her hair, tugged gently. He bit down on the skin of her clavicle, sucked, soothed it with his tongue.

She pulled away from his mouth. “Shawn!” she scolded, playfully, chuckled, “You’re going to leave a mark!”

“Good. Show everyone you’re mine. Mark you everywhere. But this,” he smirked, kissing the already purpling bloom, “will be the only one people can see.”

“Fuck,” she sighed. His claim on her made a shiver trickle up her spine.

“If you insist,” he grinned, smugly.

Feeling bold and sexy, she hooked a fingertip in the waistband of his pajama bottoms and starting walking backward. He stood to his full height and followed.

(Y/n) felt the backs of her legs hit the mattress. With fluid movement, she slid her shorts down, stepped out of them, and pulled her camisole up and over her head. She stood before him in small lace panties, breasts bare, nipples tight.

The way he looked upon her made her blood thrum, her body flush. He licked his lips, bit softly on the fuller, lower one.

His hand reached out and cupped one of her breasts. He gently tugged at her nipple, rolling it between his thumb and forefinger. Instinctively, her hand slipped between her legs, at her core, and she rubbed herself through the damp lace. His nostrils flared when he caught the scent of her arousal. He whimpered, her name falling like a prayer from his lips.

“I wanna see you,” (y/n) purred.

Obeying, oh so eagerly, Shawn pushed his pants down, over his ass, off, his cock bouncing free, filling, curling up toward his stomach right before her eyes. He wrapped thumb and forefinger around the base, his other fingers pressed flush against his scrotum.

“Been thinking about me like this?” he hummed.

Yes. God, yes. Maybe one day she would tell him just how much. It was her turn to lick her lips and bite the lower one.

They fell together onto the bed in a tangle of limbs and with a crash of lips. When they separated to catch their breath, (y/n) reached over to turn off the bedside lamp.

“Nuh-uh, Sugar,” Shawn rasped. “Waited too long for this.” Voice rough with desire he sang softly, “I wanna love you with the lights on, keep you up all night long... Darling, I wanna see every inch of you, I get lost in the way you move...”

She might have giggled if her panties weren’t being drawn down over her hips, if calloused fingertips hadn’t begun to dance along soft, hot, electrified skin, lips and tongue following.

He took a dusky, peaked nipple into his mouth. Her back arched, hands grasping at the sheets at her sides, and moaned softly. He sucked her other nipple into his mouth, tasting, humming.

“Shawn,” she whined, moving a hand to tangle it in his dark curls, tugging him away from her breasts.

“Tell me what you want, Love.”

“I want you. I need you,” she pleaded.

“What was that?”

“Fuck me, Shawn.”

“Mm... Since you asked so sweetly,” he smirked, stroking his cock. He rolled on a condom and moved to rest between her legs.

She reached between them, taking him in her hand, and he shuddered. She wanted to feel the moment he slid into her. He let her guide him. Their eyes met and held, bodies drew together, foreheads touched. She groaned with deep satisfaction into his mouth as she adjusted to his girth and length.

He wheezed, stilled as he bottomed out. She was so tight around him that if he began to move in that moment it would be over too soon.

“You okay there, Mendes?” she purred and imperceptibly tightened her legs around his waist.

“Oh God.” That tiny shift was almost too much. “You feel so good. Too good,” he mumbled. “I need a minute.” His arms on either side of her, holding his weight above her, he buried his lips in the crook of her neck, centered on the scent of her skin as he salvaged control.

One hand again tangled in in his hair, the other stroked the skin of his upper back.

“Okayokay,” he mumbled, and he began to rock into her, slow... rhythmic... deep.

She gasped when the pebbled nubs of her breasts brushed against his taut nipples. Her whimpers and groans mingled with his rumbles and moans. She was torn between closing her eyes and wanting to watch his face as warmth and pleasure coursed through her.

He wanted her to climax before him. Wanted to watch her fall apart beneath him.

He knew she was nearly there when she began to ripple on the bed like a wave on the sea. The tide came all the way up; he was caught in the rush. And then the knot at the root of his cock dissolved in fire and he was falling fast, craving the feel of her so close to him, unsure where he ended and she began.

( FIN )

~ * ~

@theregoesmyherojd @benito-mi-vida @shawn-is-my-giant-jellybean @mendesblurb