#get himself to stop what he has started and finds himself in a dangerous spiral even as he finds support and success

[waywardsalt]

sometimes you make aus just to see how far you can push your favorite fictional little guy within the bounds of their canon characterization before they’re straight up an entirely different character

[celluloidbroomcloset]

There's an exchange in the bedroom scene in "Man on Fire" that I think gets a little lost and is actually very important:

"You saved my life." "Well, I'm glad I could help. I'm sure you'll return the favor next time we're in a near-death situation." "How about we just avoid all near-death situations?" "Yeah, nice idea. Not bloody likely in our line of work.

The exchange gets kind of lost in the mermaid discussion and Izzy busting in, which happens before Ed can say anything more, but it's not an incidental moment. Ed’s greatest fear is always losing Stede - either because Stede is whim prone and wants to be a big famous pirate, or because piracy is dangerous and they are constantly in near-death situations. The moment comes at a time when Ed has discarded his leathers; he no longer wants to be Blackbeard, and it's increasingly clear he doesn't want to be a pirate. But the fear is still there.

Stede has nearly died multiple times since Ed met him. They meet when he’s been stabbed and is bleeding out. Izzy runs him through. Ed himself almost goes through with killing him. The English try to execute him. Every time Ed has been more or less powerless to stop it.

Blackbeard has nearly been the cause of Stede's death. The persona is what Izzy kept appealing to when he tried to get Ed to kill Stede. The night before, Ned Low almost killed them as a result of choices Ed made as Blackbeard. Ed can’t stop Stede from being hurt, even when he tries to keep the attention focused on him. It’s Stede who winds up being able to act, using the awesome power of empathetic listening and worker unionization. Ed can’t protect him and can’t save him, and Blackbeard put him in danger.

This feeds into Ed’s other fears. He spiraled when he lost Stede once, and every time he sees Stede hurt, he starts to panic. He’s been reminded, as they’re lying in bed in the safest place they could be, that their jobs mean that they’ll be in danger - that Stede will be in danger, either because of simply being a pirate, or because of Ed himself. Ed is scared of who he becomes when he has to put on Blackbeard, and he doesn't want to do it anymore. He's also now had it confirmed that Blackbeard is what puts Stede in danger in the first place.

It seems safer for him to run. If he runs, he never has to see Stede hurt, he never has to be Blackbeard, he never has to be worried about his own heart breaking, he never has to be left alone because he's the one that ran first.

But of course he does, because he goes back to the Republic of Pirates and sees the destruction and the first thing he thinks is that Stede is hurt. He hears Stede screaming for help, and he’s not there.

What Ed has forgotten is that Blackbeard has also saved Stede's life. The one time he was able to save Stede from death was by being Blackbeard—the English listen to his call for an Act of Grace because of the persona; they want the accolades for turning Blackbeard from piracy. The persona itself is what saves Stede.

In the end, Ed finds something worth killing for. He puts on Blackbeard again—he kills, willingly, for perhaps the first time since his father, in order to find and protect the man he loves. Much like Stede searching the Caribbean for Ed, there's no guarantee that he'll find what he hopes for, but he'll still hope. He's no longer watching the world burn; he's going to save Stede, or die trying.

[introspectivememories]

tim and bernard who break up and it's nothing big, no one cheated or anything. it's just their lifestyles didn't work out well together. tim cannot give up vigilantism currently and bear cannot handle the level of danger tim puts himself in. and on the other hand, tim cannot handle the fact that bear chooses to run into danger as an emt bc he already worries about everything but now he has to worry if he'll find his boyfriend convulsing from fear gas in a random alley but also bear who felt the life drain out of darla cannot stand the thought of not helping people and runs headfirst into dangerous situation after dangerous situation hoping that every person he saves can somehow make up for the fact that he could not save darla.

(he very pointedly does not think about the fact that there was nothing he could do because if he thinks about that, he'll spiral until they have to lock him in arkham too)

and so they break up but they were tim & bernard in high school and when they started dating they balanced out the worst of each other and they became tim&bernard. and everyone who knows them, knows that they're better together but they cant be together, they refuse actually because they cannot lose another person to the violence of gotham and by the time they figure out that they cant work together as long as the other is an emt or vigilante, it's too late for both them. they've already left too many pieces of themselves in each other.

tim still knows what bear means when he says "tim" in that exasperated voice. tim still goes boneless when he hears bear say "baby" in that firm tone. bear can still read tim like a book. he still knows the right way to massage tim's neck so that tim can go to sleep. everyone at the first responders gala knows not to bother ceo drake-wayne and senior emt dowd when they're talking.

(and if they're standing a little too close to each other than what is normal, who are they to judge? everyone knows that dowd and drake-wayne have history)

and if everyone on the night shift has caught red robin with his head tucked into the crook of emt dowd's neck as emt dowd runs a soothing hand up and down the vigilante's back, well then, they just quietly back away.

(after all, dowd's one of like, five, emts that can get the bats to receive medical treatment so if turning a blind eye to whatever the fuck they have going on is what allows them to give back to their heroes, then the night shift will do it every time)

and of course, tim and bear are practical people. they loved (love) each other sure, but when your lives are fundamentally incompatible, well, you cant get too stuck on the what-ifs, that's for sure. and so they do find love with other people and yeah, maybe it's not what they expected love to be when they first fell in love with each other. it's not the bubbly, stomach-swoopy, cant stop grinning, feeling that permeated tim&bernard's early days or the i Know you/you Know me that was their middle or the quiet despair that was their end but it is contentment. and in a life with as many losses as theirs, contentment is something they hold dearly

and they're happy! truly! but sometimes, at galas when they're making each other snort champagne out their noses or in darkened alleyways when their clothes are both stained with blood or at rallies for stricter gun regulations in gotham where they both sit too close to each other, fingers enclosed around each other in a death grip, when the presenters inevitably bring up grieves

(worst school shooting in gotham in decades, there's blood on their hands and blood in their mouths and darla is dead in between both of them and there is a chasm so wide that they are screaming to get their voices across and she will always be dead and maybe this had always been the problem that she is dead and there is no coming back from that and that there is blood on their hands and blood in their mouth and blood on their han-)

but sometimes, most especially on opposite sides of the street, as life pulls them in different directions, just sometimes, they see each other and just for a second, nothing too long, the flap of a hummingbird's wings, the time it takes to blink, an electron's orbital, they look at each other and for the briefest moment, blue on brown, a barely noticeable stutter in their steps, the space between heartbeats, because this is all they will give themselves because they do not dwell on what-ifs or what-could-have-beens, or what-should-have-beens, or delusions of a softer world, their eyes meet and they think to themselves, god, in another life, i would have really liked just doing laundry and taxes with him.

[thesmpisonfire]

Okay so, I wanna talk about my sonboy Richas, my guy Felps, their relationship, and everything about yesterday as well

So, lets go :D

First thing, Felps actually really don't like taking care of Richas when he's without his armor

Felps has the terrible memory of being the one (together with Cellbit) to watch Richas first death. The three were at a cave and Felps and Cellbit were taken down first and had to watch Richas getting swarmed and die far from their grasp

The death was reverted, but still, when Felps logged in next time, Richas had JUST died to the bull again, so he already had 1 life. It was the very same day, just a couple hours after. Felps always reinforced about the armor, to the point he didn't let Richas take it off even when safe at Foolishs place when he could see Leo didn't wear it

Felps fucking loves that kid, he's just the quieter dad. He won't scream that much, when he panics, he shuts down and focus on the problem. He's the best dad to talk about feelings and often is the one who talks Richas out of his spiraling self deprecating thoughts, while other dads don't have the same touch

Felps has the patience to talk with Richas and hear Richas points. He always is the one talking him into a shower even if it takes a whole trip beforehand so Richas can have fun before it. He sings a lil song to get him through a shower. Ever since he came back from the lab, he trusts Richas a lot with his own strength, he knows Richas can defend himself even better than Felps can defend himself

It means a lot that Felps is the only dad Richas will listen to more easily, even if sometimes it takes a lot of talk and bargain to do so. Richas is a difficult kid, he channels all his sadness and pain into being silly and overly courageous, which means he will be a disobedient kid, he will put himself in danger, he won't listen to his dads if he can make a joke about it and it has been getting worse lately

Richas is Not doing okay, he's constantly scared of losing the ones he love, he feels easily replaceable which makes him panic and act out in 'jealousy'. He has said before he fears his siblings don't really like him and it's why he always wants to have family around, he knows he's a problem and has even apologized to Bad about it once. He thinks he can't express his love through words when he has written so many beautiful things, he paints bc its how he thinks he can better translate his care

Yesterday, after Bad took him and Felps to the graveyard and out of it, Richas went back with Felps and put some flowers around their graves. A small talk started when Felps wondered if the dead eggs were looking down at them, but also couldn't really believe it because they'd be too far up there to actually see anything. Richas then said how people used to tell him Bobby was up in between the stars, but they stopped telling him that 'story'. Then, this talk happened

"Do you think they'd [Dead eggs Richas never met] like me?"

"Ofc they would! Everyone loves you! They'd love you, Richas"

"If I had died today, would I meet them?"

Felps goes quiet for a couple seconds here, then goes back to talking

"Maybe, maybe not. We can never be sure, Richas. What if you died and it's just nothing after, huh? It's a big bet. You can't keep thinking like that and then go throw yourself in front of a zombie horse to find out if they're at the other side"

"Yeah, I wouldn't be able to annoy all the dads, it wouldn't be worth it... I'd miss you all so much" (He used the word saudade)

"Awwn... But you would be dead, Richas. We would be the ones missing you, we would be the ones staying behind"

And to me this is a very telling moment. Because Richas didn't realize people would miss him as well, he just thought about how he'd miss being with the others. He also says how he'd be in hell, missing his family but also laughing at tragedy. When Felps asks why hell, Richas goes "You really think I'd end up in heaven? With the way I am?"

Felps spends the rest of the stream hyping Richas up, telling him how much he's loved and how much everyone cares for him. Felps manages to get through Richas after a while, and they have a nice moment together. Richas already arrived to the square without armor, after having recently argued with Forever about it, and Felps didn't mind bc that area was all lightened up so less mobs were spawning, plus the aforementioned trusts he has on Richas

No one expected the horse because it came from outside the square, right out the border, and literally fell on top of them. Felps was quick to go after it, and Richas was caught out of surprise and got height damage as well, eating through 2 totems (and also having to switch out the other ones from his hand due to the rule)

Felps was smart about the horse, he always hit up high so there wouldn't be any risk of a misclick, he hit crit after crit pushing the horse away so he could better kill it without risking Richas, and he did it! I understand BBHs scare but everything was already solved and Richas was halfway being revived already

If anything, the trip to the cemetery scared Felps more than it did Richas. Richas is well used to the threat of death, he plays with it by jumping into mines and purposefully walking without armor around Forever. But Felps isn't. He wants his kid safe, he wants him alive. Felps was willing to never come back if it meant Richas could have an extra life, he would die over and over for that kid

After everything, he talked with Richas, and the kid didn't rlly need to be convinced to wear his armor now that he knew how the square can be tricky. Felps didn't need to yell, or compare Richas to anyone, or play lil games. Just a talk, and Felps' trust that Richa would now do his part, and he did!

Each mob they encountered next, Richas and Felps stayed side by side. Felps let Richas kill them first bc he knows Richas likes it, but always helping and telling him how he was doing it well. When they were rowing around later in the boat, music playing, Felps went on about how it was all that mattered

Richas was alive, Felps was alive, they got a scare but they were okay now. And it was all worth it for these calm, happy moments. These were the ones that should be remembered, the ones that made it all worth it

[st4rc4t]

4eva (hasan piker x reader)

cw: depressed/bedridden!reader, entirely comfort

wc: 600+

a/n: if u think uve read this before, you have ! i originally wrote this for wilbur soot about 2 year ago but we all know how that went so . i rewrote it for hasan and its better now

When Hasan finds you, you’re curled into yourself and almost tiny. The big fluffy comforter makes it so only a small peak of your hair is in his view. If anyone had glanced, they would’ve thought the bed was empty. He knows better than that. He enters the space slowly, giving a low grumble of a greeting, making extra sure you know he’s there. He sits on the edge of the bed as delicately as he's capable. He watches your lump in the blanket rise and fall for a minute, mulling quietly over the right thing to say, and do. 

“Are you awake?” he whispered, keeping the hushed tone of the room.

A couple seconds of silence pass, and he’s almost scared he’s disturbing your incredibly needed rest. Although you shake your head in response, he can't tell if it's a yes shake or a no shake. At least he knows you’re awake, whether you want to admit it or not. Before he can begin to overthink his options, your hand snakes its way out of its blanket shell, leaving it out and open for him. He still doesn’t see your face. He shuffles his large body closer to yours, almost testing the waters.

He was so stressed when he got the text from you. A simple “I need you” has never pierced him so sharply. He was on his way immediately, assuming the worst from something so vague. He knew if you were in danger, you'd call, but he can never stop his brain once it's in panic mode. The sight of your form in the blanket wasn’t enough to fully quell the pit in his head, but it would be better soon. He would make sure of it.

Your hand moving is what brings him out of his thoughts, making little grabby motions at him. He loves when you do that, he loves feeling wanted. 

Finally, he decides to speak again, “Can I join you?” he mutters out sincerely, continuing to keep his voice low.

A whimpered, “Please,” is all he gets back.

He feels his heart squeeze at the plea, along with an involuntarily sympathetic, “awh” that escapes him. There's a slight pout on his face that, if the image had been taken out of context, would’ve looked as though he was fawning over a sad puppy. His insides are melting.

He physically can't keep you waiting any longer, or himself for that matter. He wants to squish you so hard into his chest, a piece of you stays with him forever.

He takes his shoes off, leaving them at the foot of your bed. Crawling over to lay in the space behind you, careful not to kneel on any limbs. He lays on top of your sheets, just outside the blanket cocoon. He’s still trying to give you space, while also being close. He's not sure why he’s so hesitant, worried about sending you back down whatever spiral landed you here. You turn over to face him, almost pathetically try to wrap your comforter around him. He fawns over you once again, admiring how caring you continue to be, despite the obvious aching. Gently reaching towards your face with both hands, he cradles your head in his large palms. He wiggles his too-big-for-your-bed-body into the protective layer that you've extended to him, tangling closer to you. Rubbing the apples of your cheeks, at long last seeing your pretty eyes gaze up at him. Your pupils dance around his face, looking hard, before your tears start acting up again. You practically smash your face into his chest, still pushing deeper. His warmth wraps around your figure as his arms do, your bodies melding to fit each other’s shape. He’d stay as long as you needed. Forever, preferably.

[overload-explode]

Naruto Founder's s/o who Attempted S*icide

T/W: Hinted non-explicit suicide attempt, references to depression

A/N: I'm not in a good space so here is some angst to vent! These men were born and raised during war and political instability, so their understanding of mental health is terrible. GN! reader

Hashirama:

You were the light of his life always laughing and smiling

Whenever he was stressed with Hokage duties he took refuge in you

He never sensed anything was wrong until you tried to kill yourself

He's the one that found you and healed you

The village was supposed to be a safe place for his loved ones yet you were not safe in the village he built

He blames himself. He feels like your happiness, and everyone in his village is his responsibility. He's your partner and your Hokage

Away from you, he starts drinking and gambling a lot to forget what happened and distract himself

Tobirama has to eventually find him and sober him up

His brother informs him that he needs to stop being self-destructive and blaming himself for what happened

Bags are now permanently under his eyes. He clings to you in sleep now, not out of love, but because he's terrified of losing you like he has lost so many

He's lost brothers, family and friends to war. To protect his loved ones was one of the reasons for creating the village But he can't protect you from yourself

He is an amazing healer so there are no physical scars on you. However, every time he sees you, he sees those injuries on you- he is forever scared mentally

He loves you and he drains himself trying to keep you happy

He doesn't show you he is struggling at all, he is scared his depression will cause you to spiral downward and attempt to take your life again

So he puts on a happy, joyous and carefree mask. Now he is performing at home as well as performing as Hokage and clan head

He secretly asks Tobirama to watch you when he is unable to. Tobirama starts to dislike you. You burden his brother, himself and the village. To him you are a liability, a weakness of his brother and a danger to the village. He would never hurt anyone his brother loves but he advises Hashirama to break up with you and tries to convince you to leave Hashirama, and preferably the village

Tobirama

He's angry and he's disappointed but mostly at himself because he feels so powerless

Despite being an amazing tactician, he didn't predict and prevent this. He feels so inadequate and starts doubting himself

Ever the logical man, he sees there's a problem and he wants to fix it. And nothing will get in the way, not even you

However, emotions do not follow logical thought, and you cannot apply cold logic to something as complicated as mental health

To you, he visibly becomes colder and more distant however he is trying to do the opposite. He expresses his love through acts of service but he is so emotionally incompetent it comes off as him being controlling, which he is but he wants to help you. He just has no idea how

He never opens up about his mental health. The trauma of being a child soldier, having an abusive father, trying to protect his brothers from abuse, losing his brothers, his alienation from being albino and autistic (my headcanon), PTSD, his strained relationship with his brother…

In his mind, as long as you can do your job as a shinobi, housewife, or merchant… and contribute to your village and/or clan, you are fine. Happiness and personal fulfilment come from knowing your place and fulfilling you are not contributing then that is a problem. If you're not doing your duty then that is a problem that needs to be fixed

He views people like cogs in a machine, if you are not doing your job then that is a problem. If you are doing your job, then there is no problem

He'll make sure you are physically well and then try to get you back to work because then that means everything is fixed

He will never talk about it, he wants to forget it, ignore it suppress it- like all his other emotions

But secretly, when he can, he'll create a shadow clone to follow you around to make sure you're safe

He will also put a seal on you that allows him to teleport to you if he senses that you're in danger. If you refuse he'll do it anyway without your permission because it's the smart thing to do and he cares about you. Your safety is more important to him than you liking him

At night when he comes back late and you are fast asleep, he'll hold you and silently cry a bit because he doesn't want to lose you.

You will never find out, he wants to be strong for both of you. In his mind no emotions = strong

In his mind, you have too many emotions, so he needs to show even fewer emotions to avoid triggering you. This is very unhealthy for everyone

After his brother advises him, he tries to be more outwardly affectionate. Even though he doesn't understand the need of pointing out the obvious, he compliments you more and kisses you on the forehead before going to work every day. Just know that he loves you

Madara

Hashirama is the one to tell Madara about your attempt. He was the medic-nin that saved you and, mainly, because everyone else is too scared of Madara to tell him

Madara is angry and scared. He is one of the most powerful shinobi to have ever existed. He has one of the most powerful Kekkei Genkai, yet he couldn't protect you. He can't protect you from yourself

The way he deals with his feelings of powerlessness is to label you unworthy

If you let your thoughts almost kill you- then you are truly weak. He grew up in a war zone where everyone was trying to kill him and he's perfectly fine! (He's not)

While you recover, he'll check up on you and make sure you're healing but he won't talk about what happened at all. Once you physically recover from your attempt, he'll break up with you

He's the clan head and his future spouse would become the clan matriarch (or the gender-neutral equivalent), taking on a lot of roles and responsibilities. Madara can't have someone he views as weak representing the Uchiha, it would make the Uchiha seem vulnerable and his job is ultimately to protect the clan. Madara also worries that the stress from the job will worsen you're mental health

After the break up he'll disappear for your life completely. If you try to visit him he will never be in. He won't be in his office if you're there- you won't even see him out in the street. It will be like you were never together

Secretly, he will start stalking you because he's worried but has no idea how to help you

He stops eating or sleeping regularly because he's too worried. Also, you were the one to remind him to eat and drink. His own physical and mental health declines

Hashirama becomes increasingly worried about his friend and tries to convince Madara to talk to you

Madara has already lost Izuna and the rest of his family, he can't lose you too. He knocks on your door with some food hoping you'll start the conversation

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[class1akids]

Another all might vs AFO rematch is so unnecessary and really shows that hori is doing whatever he thinks is "cool" for this final arc and throwing logic and writing out the window. This honestly brings down all mights character for me.

Anonymous asked: I guess quirkless deku could've been a hero, all he needed was an iron man suit apparently lmao. If all might holds AFO back for even a minute, it's going to make AFO look super weak and all the people who had quirks trying to stop him look even weaker. I mean hori built the whole story up as you need a quirk to do hero work and then he just gives all might a iron man suit out of nowhere just to have him fight again? Yeah that's bad writing.

I'll take these two asks together. Admittedly, I didn't read the EN fandom reactions to this chapter, bc I loved it and I didn't want to see the inevitable negativity, but I really don't get why people think this ruins anything.

The manga has spent almost 400 chapter at this point of deconstructing hero society, the Symbol of Peace and I think some things should be abundantly clear by now:

A strong quirk doesn't make a true hero (Bakugou's, Endeavor's arcs)

Saving someone is about reaching their hearts in time, not about beating them down

Quirks and personalities are connected, but the quirk is not the same as the individual (Shouto's arc)

You don't need a quirk to be someone's hero (every person who left little Tenko to wander the streets alone)

Skill, training, tech can all elevate a person beyond the strength of their quirks (Best Jeanist, Hawks' fight after he lost his wings, Hatsume matching the hero kids in the SF with tech, Detrenat, Knuckleduster in Vigilante, etc)

It was inevitable that we'd come back to this question:

When All Might said in Chapter 1 that you need a quirk to be a hero, he was saying that bc at the time he truly believed that everything he was, was due to OFA.

He spent the entire time after losing OFA being "lost and wandering" (just like Shoto, btw) trying to figure out his own place. By trying to teach Deku, by becoming a better teacher to all the students he tried to find a sense of purpose, but basically he lost the ability to see himself as a hero. That's why he pulled back, offered no leadership even after the war, as things were completely falling apart.

It took watching Deku spiral as he tried to shoulder everything by himself and seeing Class A offering support to him that All Might started to doubt the path he was on. Because, seriously - Ojirou, a martial artist with a tail - Shoji - a guy with some extra arms - Mineta - with his sticky balls - all believe that they CAN support Deku, can be part of his fight.

While All Might, with his 4 decades of fighting experience, a huge amount of wealth, access to the world's best tech through personal connections can offer nothing?

It took talking with Stain to realize that there is an entire spectrum of doing nothing and doing everything by himself. And the ideal point is to do what he can.

All Might stepping up has been on the cards since then. We knew he was planning something.

Of course, All Might has earned his retirement. He could be just a living relic of a glorious era. Obviously, even with tech, he's not going to have the godlike powers he did before.

But right now, the end is in sight. Everything is falling apart. He just sent two 16 year olds to run into the core of a ticking nuke on the blind faith they'll be able to do something about it, because it is the ONLY chance. One of his students had his heart explode. There are no heroes left.

All Might KNOWS, he knows better than anyone how dangerous prime!AFO is. But he also knows his personality, his buttons to push. He doesn't have to win, he just needs to delay, and he has a good hunch that AFO won't be able to ignore him. Whatever minutes, seconds he can buy can mean the difference between life or death, victory or defeat. So of course, he will try. Because that's who he is.

Remember - Deku in chapter 1 running into danger with a backpack got OFA because he reminded Toshinori of himself. Quirkless Deku stepping up, acting heroic despite his lack of power made All Might RECOGNIZE himself. Losing OFA never meant he lost his hero heart or instincts - he just lost faith in himself, because he bought into the hero society rhetoric. The scale of what he could do changed, but his heroism didn't.

So that leads us to the last question - is there a place and need for heroes who are less than superman. If there is a Symbol who has the power to solve any crisis by himself, do you even need the lesser ones?

And I think the story has affirmed again and again that yes, people with little power can make a huge difference and heroism comes in many shapes and forms. Also, that no matter how powerful, nobody can get there alone. Everyone needs support. A strong net is more stable than a lone pillar. A person's value or ability to change things is not tied to their quirks.

All Might stepping up is the culmination of everything he learnt and is totally in character for him. Moreover, it's the natural narrative endpoint of everything that the series has been talking about.

He can't win, he'll probably needs someone to save his ass (maybe Stain, maybe Bakugou, possibly both), but he'll also tick away precious seconds from AFO's rewind time and make a difference.

And this is why I also expect Deku saving Shigaraki not be just beating him up with more OFA, but Deku being Izuku should be the decisive factor in it. And also, I personally think Deku losing OFA but learning that he can be a hero without it would be a good writing choice and a good endgame.

HK already drew Deku's quirks as support items - so I think it's not a stretch that he could be a tech-based hero.

As someone who is a huge fan of tech-based heroes operating in the world of super-powers, it is my favourite endgame for Deku.

[autumn-foxfire]

Remember when I wrote how I love the tragedy of Shinichi and Ran's romantic relationship? Now it's Kaito and Aoko's turn🙂

Kaito who flinches at every insult Aoko slings at Kaitou's KID way, but they're always hidden behind his mastered pokerface.

It hurts more than he likes to acknowledge to hear every insult, every curse, against Kaitou KID and his existence but not because she's saying them to him, about him, but because Kaitou KID is, and always will be, his father's legacy. It's the reason his father died, was murdered, for, trying to protect the world from a shadow they don't yet know exists but will gleefully hurt the world when it gets what it wants.

A petty thief. As if that's all his father was.

At one point he was resolved to tell her the truth, about Kaitou KID, about his father, when the hunt was over and the world was safe but after every failed heist, after watching Aoko's insults get harsher and the anger in her eyes grow, he finds the courage he had once possessed faded from his tongue.

Aoko is just so angry and Kaitou KID is her outlet. The anger started when she saw her her father overworking himself with the chance of redemption, skipped meals and sleep, leading to a cold and empty house the day the thief strikes.

Then it's not just meals being skipped. It's Aoko saying hi in the morning to get no reply, it's her putting effort into making her father food she know he needs only to find him already gone without a goodbye. It's coming home to see the food she had placed for her father to see, to take for dinner instead, still sitting on the counter, untouched. She ends up eating his portion for dinner in his stead, alone in the kitchen with nothing but the hum of appliances to keep her company.

Aoko is like a ghost in her father's presense when the thief makes an appearance. Sometimes she wonders if she really is, cursed to watch her father spiral into obsession and helpless to do anything to stop it.

At first she smiled through it and reasoned that it's only when the thief appears but for their family KID doesn't disappear when the heist ends.

She has to watch her father put himself back together after every humilating defeat. It's having to hear-watch-see her father and the men who follow his lead be ridiculed for not catching him. Her father, who works himself until he starves, until he passes out, mocked for his efforts and Aoko is supposed to find a joke in that?

It hurts the most to see her best friend, the one she thinks she loves, take part in the "fun".

For Kaito though, after every failed heist (though no one but him knows they were), after all the danger he put himself through, seeing the darkest sides of humanity as he walks along the edge between good and evil, he needed to laugh and find joy in what he does.

And he does because being Kaitou KID was like finding a piece of himself he never knew was missing.

he thief was originally just a suit, a shadow following in his father's footsteps to put his soul at rest, but the more he slipped into the act of the sinner in white, the more performances he put on for the public, the suit of a man he had always seen as greater than him had turned into his second skin, a place he belonged.

He didn't want to hurt Aoko. He didn't want to hurt officer Nakamori either, the man was a surrogate father to him when his own was cruely taken from him.

But he wouldn't stop. He couldn't stop. To stop being himself.

The idea of telling Aoko some day, of the laughing it off and her accepting all of him, he's come to accept was just a pipe dream. Maybe once she would have accepted him, worried for him and supported him, but a world where that happened was a world he was putting her in danger and he could never let that happen.

But as much as KID was another side of him, it was also the cause of the pain in Aoko's eyes. Now Kaito didn't just hide the truth from her to protect her from the shadows, but from the futher pain the truth would do to her.

He was protecting her from himself.

He had to choose and choose he had. He dons the white cape once again and greets his audience with a shark grin and regret hidden behind a monocle.

Tomorrow Aoko will scream and rant to the heavens about KID, her anger a mask for the pain and loneliness she feels. Tomorrow Kaito will bear the insults and just laugh them off like they were just a joke, like he didn't feel like he was being stabbed with knives of hurt and guilt.

Neither will acknowledge the growing rift between them.

Acknowledging it will make it real.

[keyboard-mang0]

Lost and Found

Part 3!

Genshin Impact x Child! God! Fem! Reader

Not sure if I can still call it impulsive, but it’s definitely still a dumb idea for a cult au with a child reader! Not imposter, and inching slightly more into SAGAU kinda.

Reader is referred to with she/her. Not proof read. If you see typos, no the fuck you don’t.

Notes: Major thing to note, the “Favored” refer to the main team of four in the game, the “Auxilary” is the nickname I gave to my off team that I needed to make for the part of Spiral Abyss that you needed two teams for, and “Vessels” are just any playable character. I used my own Favored as I’m the one writing. They are a healthy balance of “Characters I own” and “Characters I pray to RNG to just fucking give them to me GAME”. Other then that, Warning of religious themes, likely out of character moments, more child crying, and misplaced feelings of guilt. Enjoy!

<~Part 2   Part 4~>

Word count: 3,552.

The work of an outrider is far from simple, to scout the surrounding area of your home, help those in need of it, guide the lost to safety, and of course fight off the dangers that threaten those under your charge. Being an outrider has many duties, and so Amber takes her work very seriously, her bow in hand, Baron Bunny at the ready, and the sheer resolve that no problem can shake her confidence. 

That is until a man appeared before her from thin air. 

Startling the young woman, the man looked down at her, a twisted mask covering his face as he looks her up and down, humming to himself. He nods as he pulls out a pair of sealed envelopes, holding them out to her. 

"Give these to the names written on them." Xiao demands as he pushes the letters into her free hand.

"Wait, who are-?" Amber starts, however she's quickly cut off.

"Do not read those yourself under any circumstances, do you understand?" Xiao's voice sounds slightly hurried and forceful as he glares into her eyes.

"Um… yes?..." looking down at the pair of letters, she can't stop the small gasp at the Qixing seal that holds both envelopes closed.

"Good, then I must say my goodbye, and be going. Goodbye." Xiao states finally, then with a gust of wind, he's gone.

Staring into the empty air that the man had disappeared into, Amber's gaze gets pulled back down to the letters, flipping them over to read the names they've been addressed to. Her eyes widening at the selected recipients.

"Well, I wonder what news this could be." She thinks aloud, turning on her heels in the direction of Mondstadt, back to the Favonius headquarters.

                                                    <~~~~>

Mornings in the Jade Chamber are ordinarily, not a terribly busy time. Secretaries and maids arriving to carry out their work day for the Tianquan. Organizing papers, light cleaning, making sure the lady Tianquan has eaten before starting work. Mornings are their time for quiet conversation and preparation for the more difficult times of day. Which lends to the irregularity of this morning.

"What do you mean she's gone?!" Ningguang shouts at the guard that was unfortunate enough to be the one to deliver the news.

"I-I mean we can't find her, Lady Tianquan! We've already checked the room the maids said she had slept in, top to bottom, and it was empty!" The guard explains, eyes locked on the floor to escape the seething gaze of the Tianquan.

The woman pinches the bridge of her nose, "then where's Captain Beidou?" Her voice alone gives way to her annoyance at the situation.

"We aren't sure, Ma'am! She is not in the Jade Chamber either." The guard slowly tries to inch toward the door, their resolve to stay through her annoyance waning.

A low groan slips from the Tianquan as she drops her hands to her sides, "alright, I'll be back, return to your post." She states, walking past the man towards the entrance. Not pausing as a secretary walks in step beside her, "yes?"

"I just wished to inform you that the Adventures Guild has accepted your commission, and that Miss Katheryne will see to it personally." The secretary reads over a paper in her hands.

"Good, then our Inazuman guests should be receiving the news about Y/n soon enough, and we can expect our first guest by this evening or earlier, anything else?" Ningguang hums as she opens the door to leave.

"Yes, rather strangely, Miss Ganyu is late for work this morning, can't imagine what's keeping her, I can't remember the last time she was late." The secretary looks up from her paper to see Ningguang wearing a small smile.

"If Ganyu isn't here either, then there's probably nothing to be worried about, but I will be going just to be sure, see preparations for both the Mondstadt and Inazuma guests are being made, while I'm gone." Ningguang steps out the door as she speaks, the secretary giving a bow to the empty doorway before turning to begin her work.

The early morning sun is warm, a light cool breeze carrying the salty scent of the ocean further in, trips down to the harbor during clear mornings are always pleasant. Too early for the echoing chorus of work, but late enough to see it just beginning. 

Yujing Terrace however is still yet to rouse, the wealthiest of Liyue not needing to rise as early as the rest. The empty courtyard proves the perfect place as echoing voices reach Ningguang's ears.

"I'm not sure if I would count this as a breakfast." Ganyu's voice echoes.

"Why not? Some spice to help wake you up is good for you!" Beidou, of course not even the early morning can stifle her energy.

"I just don't think spicy stir fry is a good choice for a growing girl." Ganyu says, sounding half focused on the conversation and half on something else.

A loud whimper echoes as Ningguang turns a corner to find Beidou and Ganyu both sitting at Y/n's sides, take-out boxes in hand, and Y/n's face rapidly flushing as she takes a bite of her food. 

"So, it's good, right?" Beidou pushes, smiling brightly at the girl, who looks on the brink of tears as she shakily smiles back.

"It's good." Her voice is strained, her teeth slightly clenched, as gold streaks slowly escape her eyes.

The taller woman throws her head back to laugh at the girl's reaction, Ganyu instead looking away to hide her own laugh before making eye contact with Ningguang. 

"What are you three doing out here?" Ningguang steps closer, crossing her arms as she gives a stern look to Beidou and Ganyu.

The captain's smile does not waver, "what's it look like? We're eating." She answers cheerfully, shoveling food into her mouth for added effect.

"I happened to bump into them on the way to the Jade Chamber, so I thought it best to stay with them for a bit." Ganyu shrinks slightly under Ningguang's gaze, sheepishly patting Y/n's head, more to calm her own nerves than the little girl's.

The white haired woman relaxes as a small sigh slips from her, shifting her full attention to Beidou, "but why did you leave without telling anyone? You caused quite a little panic by just disappearing with Y/n." Her arms remain crossed as she waits for the other woman's response. 

A small voice interrupts the women, "because I was hungry, miss Ningguang." Y/n looks up at Ningguang, the flushed tint of her face slowly ebbing away, but the glint of gold still sitting in the corners of her eyes.

Stopping to look her over, Ningguang notices the girl is still wearing her strange ragged clothes from yesterday, however much cleaner. Making the faded colors and numerous tears all the more prominent. The scarf she had previously covered her face with now sitting loosely around her neck. And where her hair has once been a tangled mass of dirty knots, now it has been cleaned, brushed out, and tied into a pair of neat buns on either side of her head.

Beidou interrupts her study of the girl, "I tried to find something to eat in the Chamber, but for such a big house, you hardly keep anything edible in there. I mean come on, Ning, you live like that?"

Irritation takes over the woman's expression, glaring at the sitting captain, "Preparations to host take time you know. If you have a problem with it then help."

Y/n hums looking down at her small box of food, holding it up for Ningguang after a pause, "are you hungry, Miss Ning?"

Turning her gaze down to the girl, Ningguang stops her eye from twitching at Y/n using the nickname Beidou devised to annoy her. "Thank you, but I'm fine-" she stops mid sentence as she looks into the box, turning a scrutinizing look to Beidou. "Why did you get her jueyun chilies?"

Still smiling, the Captain pats Y/n's head between the buns, "Little Rat, here asked to have the same thing I was getting."

"Little Rat?" 

"Yea! Don't you think these buns look like rat ears?" Beidou's hand moves from patting the girl's head to poking at her hair. A laugh bubbles from the girl, pushing Beidou to return to patting her, "plus I saw her scamper. You'd put real rats to shame, wouldn't you?"

Y/n's laughter is all that stops Ningguang from growling at the other woman. Her eyes flicking to Ganyu, who has suddenly found the clouds far more interesting than before. "Well since all of you are already out of the chamber, I have a couple plans for how we can start the day." Ningguang sighs, pulling the trio's attention to her.

She lifts the box of food Y/n had handed her, "first, we're stopping somewhere to get Y/n something to eat, that won't leave her in tears." 

                                                       <~~~~>

"When you said we would get Little Rat new clothes I didn't really think this was your plan…" Beidou sat leaning against the wall, her arms crossed over her chest as the small gaggle of tailors took measurements of Y/n. Pre-made outfits being held up to compare then passed around and swapped for new pieces.

Ningguang sat in the waiting chair beside her "she needs more than just a couple dresses, Y/n said her only belongings are those weird rags she's been in this whole time. She needs a proper wardrobe." 

"I get that, but isn't this a bit much? She's still so young, there's no way she'll be able to wear anything you get her now by next year." Beidou groans, pulling a flask from her belt, which is quickly snatched from her hand by Ningguang.

"Watch your drinking around Y/n." Ningguang doesn't look up as she just places the flask back on Beidou's belt.

"What? Why?" Beidou's eyebrows furrow in annoyance.

"She's already started mimicking you. Don't give her bad habits." Ningguang moves a warning look up to the captain.

Returning her arms to where they had been crossed over chest, Beidou grumbles under her breath.

"Don't be such a baby, I'm going to be careful with my smoking, so it's not just you." Ningguang snaps her attention back to the tailors.

"Let go!" Y/n shouts, her hands clinging to the scarf, the attendants let go of the cloth at Ningguang snapping her fingers. 

Beidou rushes to the girl, pushing past the attendants, kneeling down to look the girl in the eye, and gently putting her hands on Y/n's shoulders. "Hey hey, Y/n, it's ok." She shushes the girl, quickly wiping away the thin streaks of gold on her cheeks.

Ningguang kneels down closer to eye level with Y/n, "do you not want a new one?" She asks gently, the girl only shakes her head in response.

"My parents gave it to me. Right before… before I…" tears form in her eyes as Y/n speaks, and the girl quickly throws herself at Beidou as quiet sobs escape her.

The two women share a look before both move to enclose their arms around Y/n. Ningguang gently shushed, and Beidou quietly hummed. Neither moving to try and force the girl to stop her tears, just holding her close. Both think about how much they still don't know about her, but she needs care, and Archons be damned if they don't give that to her.

The rest of their shopping visit went on with little trouble, a short word from Ningguang and the tailor attendants continued their work, more carefully around Y/n's scarf. Quickly ending the visit with an armful of bags and an order placed for even more later.

The sun hangs higher in the sky, greater warmth washing over the three as they step back into the Liyue streets. Ningguang hums as she looks around, turning her head back to where Y/n is practically perched on Beidou's shoulders. "It looks like it's around noon, so I should probably get back to work. If you two wish to stay out, go ahead." She says, the pair look around absently before Beidou awkwardly attempts to look up at Y/n.

"What do you think, Little Rat? Wanna go back to drop off the bags then come back out?" Beidou smiles each time she says her nickname outloud.

Y/n hums for a moment, "ok!" She smiles and hugs closer to the Captain.

"Well then it's decided, lead on, Ning!" Beidou's boisterous energy has giggles coming from the girl, and the nickname earning her a scowl from the woman beside her.

                                                         <~~~~>

Climbing the steps to Yujing Terrace voices echoing plenty. Guards and citizens milling across the courtyards and gardens. But it is one voice in particular that stands out.

"Come on! Come on! Paimon wants to see what Miss Ningguang wants!" A shrill childish voice shouts.

"Settle down, the secretary said Ningguang was out, so we are just going to have to wait." A young woman's tired voice answers.

"Which reminds me! Why couldn't we wait in the Jade Chamber?" Paimon groans.

"Because whatever it is Ningguang wants to talk about must be important if she got the adventurers guild to use teleporters just to send a letter." Lumine absent mindedly responds, eyes scanning over the crowd in search of the Tianquan in question. "So we'll wait here so we can find out sooner."

Almost as if on cue, Ningguang steps from the crowd, eyebrows furrowed slightly as she leans close to the Traveler. "Get up to the Chamber now. This is not the place for our discussion."

Confusion surround the world-wondering pair at her words, "but Paimon thought it was really important." Her high voice rings in an attempt to be quieter to match Ningguang.

"Very, but not something for the public, so go, I'll catch up." Ningguang says with finality, turning away to signal for the pair to leave.

Beidou smiles as she nods in greeting to Lumine and Paimon, Y/n quietly staring wide eyed at the pair, even after they had already left.

                                                        <~~~~>

The sound of porcelain smashing against the ground echoes in Lumine's ears, the loss of weight on her fingers not dawning on her yet. Eyes locked onto the two women in front of her, Ningguang seated at her desk as if this were a mere business transaction, Beidou leaning against the side of the desk with her flask still firmly planted against her lips.

"You… you're being serious?!" Paimon shouts, floating closer to the desk before hesitating.

"Completely. The Creator is in Liyue Harbor, she has been taken in as a guest of the Jade Chamber until further notice." Ningguang states, sighing as she eyes the shattered teacup.

"But you don't want anyone to know? Not even the Archons? Not even her?" Lumine's voice is quiet, the news still echoing in her mind.

Beidou finally pulls her flask away to breathe, "well we don't actually know if she's aware of her own divinity, or not."

"What do you mean you don't know?" Lumine's attention shifts to the captain. 

"We have learned that the reason we couldn't find her in the year following the ceremony is because she was purposefully put into hiding." Beidou explains, setting her flask back at her hip.

Ningguang continues for her, "according to her, she was told by an abyss mage that she would get in trouble if she was around humans too much."

"The Abyss got to her!?" Paimon screeches, her words setting the Traveler on edge behind her.

"Another thing we don't know. They might have, or it could have been the actions of an outlying mage, we don't exactly have a way to find out." Beidou turns her attention to the door to the office, almost as if on guard at someone intruding.

"So where is she now then?" Lumine looks between the two women expectantly.

"Yea, can Paimon meet the Creator?" Paimon pitches in, drifting back to float around Lumine's head.

The two older women share a glance before looking back at the pair. "You can, but there are ground rules." Beidou states, pushing off the desk and starting towards the door.

"First, you will by no means refer to her as the Creator to her face. Second, you will not speak of her identity to anyone outside of a select number of her Vessels. And the most important one, that is admittedly mostly for just you two. Never under any circumstances at all, for any reason so much as mention having come across the Creator to even a single one of the Archons." Ningguang gives each rule, her eyes carrying a threat not missed by the pair of Wanderers.

"Ganyu should still be with her, let's go." Beidou calls out before opening the office door.

Paimon wastes no time, zipping through the air after the woman to escape the Tianquan's threatening eyes. Lumine however hangs back as Ningguang stands to follow along.

"If I may… if she was really hiding on purpose. How did you even manage to find her?" Lumine asks quietly, Ningguang nodding to show she heard.

"We arrested her." Her voice calm as if there was no problem with her words at all.

Lumine couldn't help but gawk a bit at the woman's reply, "you… what?"

"It doesn't matter. Look, Beidou stopped so she must be in that room." Ningguang brushes the blonde off as she widens her steps to catch up.

A giggle echoes from behind the door. Beidou smiles to herself as she pushes the door wide open.

Inside a child with h/c hair hops in place where she is seated on a large bed between Ganyu and Xiao. E/c eyes almost sparkling when she sees Beidou in the doorway. However upon catching sight of Paimon and Lumine, she shrinks back slightly, partially hiding herself behind Ganyu. An action that has all four people standing in the door pause in surprise. 

"Um.. Y/n, this is-" Beidou starts to introduce the pair before being cut off.

"Lumine and Paimon." Her voice lacking the meekness it had the night before, but still quiet.

The Traveler perks up slightly, taking a step closer, but stopping at the way Y/n moves further behind Ganyu. "You recognize us?" She asks quietly as she tries to look more relaxed without getting closer.

The girl nods slowly, a small glint of gold beginning to peak at the corner of her still visible eye. Her voice lowers back into her meek whisper, "I'm sorry." 

Paimon slowly drifts closer, covering her gasp at the gold beginning to drip down her cheeks. "You don't have anything to be sorry for." Paimon talks quietly, as she comes closer, e/c orbs lock onto her.

"But… but I…" Y/n starts before feeling a comforting weight on her head, looking up to find Beidou smiling down at her with the woman's hand patting between the hair buns. Y/n sniffles slightly before wiping her face on her shirt sleeve, still looking sad, but no longer in tears at Lumine "I didn't finish helping you.. i-in Inazuma."

Lumine can't hold back the small gasp she lets out, a year ago the warmth in her heart that pulled her across the distant islands disappeared. A year ago she found herself in the middle of a conflict she wasn't sure how to deal with alone. And now here sits the girl that had been guiding her the whole way. Apologizing as if she had a say in the matter.

Lumine inches closer, kneeling down by the bed before slowly offering a hand to the girl. "You have nothing to be sorry for, ok? Just like Paimon said!" She smiles gently as the wide eyed girl moves closer to her, gently placing a hand in Lumine's, and giggling when the older girl gives it a shake.

Ningguang smiles at the scene, her gaze dragging across each person before stopping on Xiao. The Adeptus, seeming to feel her gaze, turns to meet it. The pair both move to a separate corner of the room before speaking. "So you finished delivering those letters?" Ningguang whispers, eyes on the child now smiling with Paimon.

"Handed them off to one of those Knights and left before Lord Barbatos could catch wind of me." He whispers, stoic expression unchanging as he takes in the room.

Ningguang sighs, "so you didn't give them to the actual recipients?" 

"What use would those Knights be if they can't deliver a simple letter? I'm sure it will be fine." Xiao groans annoyed.

Ningguang pinches at her temple for a moment before loud laughter pulls her attention again. Y/n kicking and wiggling in the air as Paimon tickles the girl, and Beidou holding her up like she's weightless.

"Oh well look, I've caught a little rat!" Beidou laughs, Paimon smiling wide as she drifts to dodge Y/n's flailing limbs. Lumine and Ganyu both take the sight in with soft smiles.

Another, softer, sigh slips from Ningguang "well, if they don't, I guess planning a trip for us to go to Mondstadt wouldn't be the end of the world."

Post reading notes: I honestly came so close to dragging things out even more just to slip an OC in there for the funsies. But ultimately decided to go the route of a random bit of dialog that I’m not sure why I remembered. Namely of Kathryne saying she uses the teleporter network to move between the nations.

Taglist: @twstfan-san @saltysugarysembei @universal-rose @qluvrv @jaynahh @heavenlyfloof @thetwinkims @victoria1676 @beemarkie @definitely-a-keqing-simp @inlovewithwaffels @qinxin02

[chronosh0t]

“ I listen to everything you say ”

⸺⸺⸺⸺⸺⸺⸺⸺

short drabble based off this tweet

tags: male skk Zenas (my OC) x Lee ; PGR ; alternative universe but still inside the world of pgr ; ascendant Lee, the "young man / other Ascendant" is my OC Arawn.

words: 1.9k

this is very self-indulgent. no beta reader.

if you have any question, feel free to ask me on the box thingie! you can also find me on twt under the same username.

⸺⸺⸺⸺⸺⸺⸺⸺

It ended all wrong. Everything turned out to be wrong.

Zenas doesn't remember where, at what point things decided to turn in the wrong direction and changed the course of his life, of one his teammates life. He could not think of any specific moment, choice, or action that could explain the situation at hand at that exact time, but he knew that there was no way he could've turned back to zero again.

Not even now.

The days in Babylonia started to feel too dull, too dark, even the weather felt extremely gloomy, as if the system wanted to accompany him in his mourning. There was always a silence, that no matter how loud the music was, how many people talked, it was impossible to ignore. The absence was abysmal.

Zenas's mind was spiralling to utter chaos and, if he was truly honest with himself, he wasn't even trying to find a stop. The flashbacks of that day, as if they were purposely hunting him and remind him how much everything has changed, colliding with the knowledge of not being able to do nothing, not back then, not now.

He wanted to just sleep and forget about everything. If he were a Construct he would've already asked for a reboot. To Zenas's own disgrace he was but a mere human, and amnesia wasn't something one could ask and be given. He wished he could give up. However, it was not an option. There were still two girls waiting for him to get better, to be back so they could keep with their mission, for them, and for him. 

Him. The one missing. The one who wouldn't come back no matter how loud and how many times Zenas called him. His name tasted so different. Bitter.

Unknown to Zenas. He was also calling him, missing him, missing his teammates, missing his days in Babylonia. But he knew that, for his Commandant to be safe, it was best if they thought he was dead. And that's how it should've stayed. How it was supposed to be, yet, not quite meant.

Lee spent the days after the incident of the tower, wandering around earth, cleaning some corrupted and trying to help humans in need. He would search for any supplies that could help them go through their situation a bit better, Lee would also stay in some safe zones by providing some protection, all that by keeping a line and not letting any Construct from Babylonia know he was still alive.

After all, he was technically an Ascendant now. Even if he didn't give himself to the virus and became an Agent, he was still a corrupted, someone who Babylonia deemed a danger, something that needed to be ended. The years he spent in the front lines fighting for humanity meant nothing.

But it mattered little. As long as he could keep helping, it was fine. He just needed to make sure to keep his activities hidden and it should be fine. Right? That's how he planned everything, however, not everything goes according to a certain plan. That's why Lee never expected to see him.

Just like any other day, Lee was scanning the surroundings, his gun needed some repair after fighting nonstop some ascendants he did not know about. The task, as difficult as trying to dry out the ocean, was taking too long, he walked for hours, checked dead corrupted and even the weapons those ascendants were using, to no avail.

The sun was setting down. Wandering during the night being not the best option, he opted for finding a suitable place to rest and hide. That's where he found such a place. A greenhouse.

How come there's a greenhouse? Is that even possible considering the environment? Those thoughts filled his M.I.N.D. It was in fair condition, the glasses a bit muddy, but none of them were broken. He could see even a variety of flowers, wild grass growing outside the greenhouse, birds and butterflies flying happily at the sight.

While keeping as quiet as he could, Lee tried to get close and what he saw startled him. Inside, vintage furniture in really good state, teacups and… food? Two shadows suddenly appeared, Lee clutched down, kept that position for a few seconds before straightening a bit and focusing his visual mode on the two people.

Ascendants? Humans?

He could clearly see one of them, although just from the back, he had long white hair, dressed in a… suit? as weird as it looked, that person was wearing quite a fancy suit, and his mannerisms were as delicate as they could be. Maybe that individual used to be from a prominent family. The latter sat down on a sofa, now the other person was visible.

Lee's mechanical heart started to beat too fast. Chaos formed on his M.I.N.D and he could feel how his frame was malfunctioning slightly at the sight. The height matched perfectly, those pretty and unique eyes, with more dark circles that he remembered, that black messy hair with blue tips. Oh, and that mischievous smile, showing his fangs.

It was him. His Commandant. Zenas was standing there, inside that greenhouse, and moreover, he was having a conversation with an Ascendant. His posture was casual, Lee could notice that Zenas was too relaxed, so that only meant one thing: he knew that Ascendant, he knew he wasn't in danger.

In an attempt to deny what he was seeing, he double checked his visual modules and even did a deep scan on his M.I.N.D, just to be sure that it wasn't a trick or some error. As expected, everything was fine. What he saw was happening.

Lee sat down and rested his back on a rock. He needed to calm down. Of course, it was easier to said than to be done, it has been so long since the last time he saw Zenas, he knew himself very well, denying those feelings and the urge to run inside that greenhouse were too much to handle, but he couldn't let his Commandant know he was alive. Or it would oppose a danger not only to him but also to Lucia and Liv. He closed his eyes and tried to think of just that, of how bad it'd be if he dared to show his face. But oh boy, how much he desired to see him up close, to hug him, to…

ㅤㅤㅤ“Don't lose focus.” he said to himself through gritted teeth.

His ear still picked up some noise. If he wanted he could've easily listened to what they were talking but it was none of his business. At least not anymore. So he only opted to hear small hints that would let him know if Zenas left. And after what seemed ages, the glass door opened and a pair of steps started to fade away.

ㅤㅤㅤ“He left already.” a raspy voice came from behind, “You can come out now, Ascendant.” finished, for some reason the tone of his voice carried some kind of annoyance.

Lee stood up and faced the white-haired person. It was a few centimetres taller than him, up close he could see his eyes didn't match in colour, one was of a dark green and the other was black. He talked and moved with delicacy. Nonetheless, this young man was still an Ascendant, so why did he sound so annoyed? Could it be..?

ㅤㅤㅤ“Why were you hiding here?” he asked, his face was stoic, no sign of emotion, then added, “You are… Lee, right?”

That question left Lee speechless. Did he know who he was? Does that mean, as he thought of, Zenas knew this Ascendant was some sort of friend? He was at loss for words. The silence was enough response for the man in front of him.

ㅤㅤㅤ“Zenas used to talk a lot about you” mencione casually, at the same time he did a gesture with his hand, as if telling Lee to get inside the greenhouse so they could talk. So he did.

After the two of them walked in, the door closed. The young man talked again. “You look slightly different from what he told me, but the overall essence is there. How did he call you?” he pondered to himself while serving tea. “Ah, right, he used to refer to you as his ‘soon-to-be boyfriend’, I remember now.”

His… boyfriend. It sounded pretty, it sounded right. Lee was not aware of it, but a smile took shape, the boy who was looking at him let out a sigh. If there was a mirror, Lee would've probably be shocked now, the warmth inside his body was perfectly visible on his face, that shy smile was still there and there was so much fondness in his eyes.

ㅤㅤㅤ“You can just tell him. He would go with you.”

That line brought Lee back to reality. Now his eyes were locked on the young man's. If he was honest, he wanted to ask what kind of relationship the two of them has but right now there was something more important to clarify.

ㅤㅤㅤ“He is not allowed to know I'm alive. It would out him in a lot of risk” Lee said firmly.

ㅤㅤㅤ“But he—”

ㅤㅤㅤ“I know he…” there was a pause, the words were stuck on his throat, swallowing seemed like a hard task now, “I know he would follow me, but it's precisely because of that reason that he mustn't know about my actual situation.”

The young man, again, sighed heavily. “I never understood him, and now I don't understand you either. It's clear that both of you share the same feelings for the other, so why not make it easy and just be honest?” he took a sir, crossed his leg and grabbed one of the teacup, “What are you scared of? He is a very strong and capable human, and trust me, he is not fond of the human side of his. He would gladly give up that just to stay with you.” finished his sentence and took a sip. Lee could smell it, it was a strong black tea, the same Zenas would usually drink.

Lee grasped his gun with so much strength it started to break, that statement was enough to make him angry. Funny enough that anger was directly at himself, for feeling slightly happy at hearing that, at the fact that Zenas felt the same way he did.

ㅤㅤㅤ“No.” Lee replied, the anger did not subdued. “If you know what I feel, then you should know that I would never do something that'd put him in danger. So I suggest you keep your mouth shut and keep this conversation hidden from him.”

The next few seconds were filled with silence, not far away the sound of birds could be heard. The tension was so palpable, anyone who dared to enter that greenhouse would've been able to feel it, even cut it with scissors. The Ascendant took a few more sips from the cup, placed it back on the table and stood up again, walked straight to Lee and stopped two steps away.

ㅤㅤㅤ“You would do anything he ordered you, right? That's how loyal you are.

ㅤㅤㅤ“Yes.” he answered.

ㅤㅤㅤ“If he asked you to kill yourself, would you do it?” the man questioned him again, his eyes showing not a single ounce of emotion.

ㅤㅤㅤ“Yes.” dry, sure of himself. That was Lee's answer.

The Ascendants let out a chuckle. It seemed that he was not expecting such loyalty. And there was not a single second where the man thought Lee was lying, what made it even more surprising.

ㅤㅤㅤ“What a duo of insane people.”

⸺⸺⸺⸺⸺⸺⸺⸺⸺⸺⸺⸺��⸺⸺⸺⸺

🦋 and that's it. i hope it was good enough.

🦋 if you reaches this far, thank you for reading.

[ejzah]

Collateral Damage, Part 3

***

Kensi woke up bound to a chair, confused and with her head aching. She was in a small room with an ordinary bedroom door, the only defining feature being a stack of cardboard boxes lining one wall. Kensi flexed her hands several times, testing the strength of the zip ties around her wrists and ankles; they were too tight to break in this position.

There were some holes, but she remembered questioning a witness, hearing a noise, and being ambushed by several armed men. She could only hope Fatima had escaped in the chaos.

She felt a little banged up, but it didn’t seem as though they’d beaten her, and she slowly exhaled in relief, wishing she could touch her stomach to confirm. Continuing to search the room for anything that might be of use, Kensi tugged more persistently at the zip ties.

A door slammed, followed by heavy footsteps. Acting on instinct, Kensi dropped her head, letting her body go limp a second before the door opened, smacking into the wall.

Someone, a man based on the movements, stepped into the room, walking up to Kensi, and she could feel hot breath wafting down on her neck. It took all Kensi’s effort not to react, and hope he didn’t investigate further. After another moment, he retreated, closing the door behind him.

“She’s still out,” Kensi heard him say and then a second male asked,

“What are we going to do with her?”

“I told Johnson we should have killed her there,” a third voice growled, and Kensi tensed.

“We can use her. Don’t touch her unless I say,” the first man ordered tersely, his voice growing distant as they obviously moved away from the door.

Once she couldn’t hear them at all, Kensi began working at the zip ties in earnest.

***

Sam left Deeks alone in the locker room to gather himself, heading back up to OPS. He didn’t envy Deeks current situation at all, remembering how terrified he’d been when Aiden was held hostage. He couldn’t imagine the terror of defenseless unborn children being in danger. And Kensi…Sam shook his head before he could spiral down that train of thought.

In the time Sam had been gone, Rountree was apparently hard at work; he had various street cams pulled up on one screen and documents related to their victim’s wife.

“You find anything yet?” Sam asked.

“No, but I just got started,” Rountree replied, flicking a glance over his shoulder. “How’s Deeks?”

“Struggling, but he’ll manage.” He didn’t really have much choice. He hesitated for a moment then added, “I don’t know that Deeks wants me to share this, but Kensi’s pregnant with twins.”

“Damn,” Callen muttered.

“Exactly. So we’re going to do everything in our power to make sure nothing happens to Kensi or those babies.”

Rountree nodded seriously, a slightly uncertain, almost guilty look in his eye.

“I hate to say this, but do you think we should bench Deeks?” Callen asked, and Sam huffed an unamused laugh.

“When has benching any of us ever worked when cases get personal? No, that would probably make it worse since Deeks would undoubtedly go rogue,” Sam said. “I’ll keep an eye on him, but he needs to be involved. He’s fighting for his family.”

“Ok. As long as we’re all in agreement.”

Deeks slipped in a moment later, looking reasonably put together, if more subdued than normal. Based on his expression, he’d guessed he’d been the topic of conversation. Clearing his throat roughly, he walked to the spit he usually shared with Kensi.

“Any update from LAPD or Fatima?” he asked.

“I was just about to go down there,” Callen told him. “You got it covered here?”

“Yeah. We got it, right Deeks? We’ll follow up on any leads Rountree gets,” Sam responded. Deeks jaw clenched tightly, but he didn’t object.

“Got it.”

“Hey Callen,” Deeks called out, stopping him on his way to the sliding doors. “Make sure Fatima knows this isn’t her fault, ok?”

“Will do,” Callen promised.

***

A/N: This chapter has everything. Angst, whump, mentions of people going rogue (yes, you should read this as Stefan from SNL).

[57sfinest]

what is the forbidden harry and jean lore

cracking my knuckles before preparing to type the most deranged post in the history of the world

okay so listen. harry and jean are so unbelievably fucked up. their relationship is TERRIBLE for them both. it's toxic, it's abusive, it's deeply codependent and it's also the only thing either of them has.

here's the thing. the partnership starts off fairly normal- yes, harry is a shithead, he's not a good person, but neither is jean and harry doesn't treat him like shit right off the bat. harry starts off on his best behavior, because here's a new guy who's much younger and who he outranks: this is fresh meat, thrown into his enclosure. another can for him to open. someone new to help him bear his burdens until he inevitably throws them away. he's gotta be let in first, though, so he's playing the role of mentor or chill superior officer or whatever until jean relaxes around him and starts to let his guard down. because despite jean's apprehensions- he's heard about gool ol' dick mullen, after all- harry can be funny, kind, and very good at his job. so maybe everyone was wrong- maybe, to him, harry will be good. maybe this partnership will work out. jean finds himself liking harry and caring about him. harry catches onto this, because of course he does, and the backslide begins.

it starts off minor. more hangovers at work, a little speed off the bathroom mirror. but it's fine because they're still getting work done. harry snaps at him a little, but it's just a rough patch. it's okay. they're not just work partners anymore, they're friends. maybe they're more, although they'd never put a name to it. they go to each other's places and they talk and smoke and drink and shoot the shit about anything they can think of: the world, the pale, the cases. it's an easy thing. a dangerous routine. if jean starts drinking more, to match harry- it's fine. at least it's in company. and all the while harry is getting openly worse, getting completely hammered at work, having more outbursts than actual conversations, lashing out at everyone. jean is no longer safe from it. jean no longer abstains from it either. and it's still jean's responsibility as his partner to take care of him, to keep him going. harry does not usually seem to care about reciprocating, but that's not the point. it's jean's job and, unfortunately, he cares. he's not sure what he would do without harry, now. he's not sure what harry would do without *him*.

harry the can-opener realizes what they've become- codependent, inseparable- and starts spiraling rapidly. he has the freedom to, now. jean talks to him about the drinking, and harry tries to kick it, and jean really believes in him. believes in him when he fails, when he tries again a few weeks later. over and over again until harry stops trying. says he wants to get worse. and jean gets it, at first. only at first. he's depressed too, he understands the suicidal thoughts and tendencies, understands how easy it is to get trapped in an addiction. he knows how important his support is to harry's continued survival.

but it's like everything harry does is to hurt him. screams at him and threatens him and leverages anything he can against him, including very personal things he's pried out of him, then shows up at his door with tears in his eyes and a gun in his hand telling jean that he's sorry, he's never going to do it again, he's going to make sure of it. and jean, still raw and angry from their fights, invites him in, takes the gun from his hand and talks him down and drinks with him, because what else is there to do? jean will never lay down and take it, has no interest in being the better person anymore- he knows every little nasty detail of harry's life by now, and he's not shy about digging his nails into harry's scars- but when everything is said and done, when all the punches have been thrown, he's still going to be there. he's going to be around to bandage the knuckles harry just hit him with because this is it. there's nothing else for either of them.

it doesn't matter that harry lies to him- about what he's been doing, how he's feeling, about where their belongings end up or where the money went, about things he did on a case. it doesn't matter that harry provokes the shit out of him until he's screaming himself raw, then lays down and cries about it until *he's* the one apologizing. it doesn't matter that harry only gets worse, and that somehow he's the one blamed for it. every day they rip each other apart because at least that way they can feel something. it's easy to scream at someone knowing they'll scream back, and then come sleep in your bed anyway. neither of them is going to leave except by death, and they both know it.

there's a complete erosion of boundaries between them. luiga himself confirmed their codependency. if something was jean's, it was harry's too, and vice versa. everything was each other's business. there was nothing kept apart between them. harry cracked jean open and gutted him, so jean did the same to him. they understood each other *too* well, so they knew exactly how to hurt each other, and they did just that. and that's the sad part, that they were so completely exposed with one another- it could have been so good for them. harry could have been a better person and so could jean. they might have been able to heal together. but we see jean's ableist hostility towards harry in the ending: jean has lost all patience for harry. there is no sympathy left.

and you wonder: why, now, does jean call it quits? why, after several years of mutual destruction, does jean draw a line in the sand here? well, obviously- he's been rejected. harry told him to fuck off in martinaise, which of course was not new behavior, but usually harry would come back to cry and beg and plead with him not to leave him. and harry's not doing that. harry doesn't even know who he *is*. harry is running around with this guy he barely knows, and he's functional and they're not having screaming matches, and when harry does finally approach him, he just twists the knife right in by insisting this new guy is cooler. he thinks jean is an asshole now, and not in the way he did before where he thought it was fun to fuck with him. jean is nothing to him, in the most thorough and all-consuming way possible. harry doesn't even know his *name*.

so, fine. harry dumped him. harry's not coming back to him, and he's sure as hell not going to put in the work to rebuild that bridge, not when he should have burned it years ago anyway. and if that's how it's going to be, he's got some things to say. he's going to make it hurt for harry as much as it hurts for him. maybe he doesn't believe every single thing he says in the ending, or not fully, but it doesn't matter. he's going to say everything he can to hurt harry because harry is leaving him, and they already failed each other a long time ago.

[mylifeisactuallyamess]

Sanctuary part 2

Chapter 3: We Don’t Leave Our Own Behind

A/N: I have been studying and surviving this week hence why this chapter is so late. So very late.

Warnings: 18+ no warnings really, just building up their next chapter 🥹

Word Count: 2.2k

Chapter 2 - Chapter 3 - Chapter 4

Masterlist

Hunter sipped the drink in his hand as he and Echo walked around the makeshift landing pad. He glanced at the Marauder, lit up from the inside before making himself concentrate on what Echo was saying.

“How is he doing?” The other clone asked, nodding at the ship.

Hunter wanted to shrug, he wasn’t entirely sure he could put it into words. “Tech is…keeping himself busy.”

“This intel should hopefully give us something. Even if it’s breadcrumbs,” Echo murmured. They came to a stop, Hunter leaned against a stone pillar while his brother took a deep breath and surveyed the surrounding area. “Will you all plan to stay here indefinitely? Stitch too?”

“That was a topic we never really broached,” he confessed. “I think we were all waiting for her to come home.”

Echo nodded in understanding, a small frown creasing his brow. Words failed him. He knew losing you wasn’t their fault but still, a nasty feeling resided his chest. You were special, a light in a dark corner of the world and now, you were in danger. Immense danger.

Wrecker’s playful shout cut through their silence, waving his arms around, then lunging for Omega who giggled loudly. “It would be the best outcome, to settle here. All of us,” Hunter finally conceded. “What about you? What have you been up to?”

“Rex and I have built up a small network of clones. Some are in hiding, underground. Others act as our contacts within the Empire.” He stopped, taking in a breath. “Stitch was invaluable. She helped clones in ways we never could and Fi…” shaking his head, Echo looked over at Hunter. “I’m worried he is going to do something stupid to find her.”

“The commando she befriended?”

Echo confirmed with a nod. “She told you about him, huh? Fi doesn’t take to just anyone, and now he’s gone silent. Rex thinks he’s going to wake up one day and find the commando gone without a trace.”

“Does he know something we don’t?” Hunter asked in a measured tone, trying not accuse his fellow clone of withholding intel.

“He probably does, we pulled him off one of the transport ships but he doesn’t remember much thats relevant.” They fell back into silence, their thoughts pulled in the same direction.

“Echo, you’ve seen the power the Empire wields. You, we, have no chance of defeating them.”

Echo frowned and took a breath. “So we just leave them all to the mercy of the Empire? We don’t fight for our brothers, we don’t fight for her.”

Hunter sighed, putting a placating hand on Echo’s shoulder. “I understand why…but when will it be enough?” He wanted to point out the Empire’s reach was long, much longer and widespread than a handful of clones could even dream.

“When we have freed as many as we can. We find our brothers, and while searching, we hopefully find Stitch,” Echo told him firmly.

Hunter’s com chimed and Tech came through in a rushed tone. “Hunter, I decrypted the data. You need to get back to the ship.” His chest tightened, a brief sense of optimism bubbled up and he hoped that whatever Tech had found was worth it.

They were gathered round the console in the Marauder, uneasily waiting for Tech to start his explanation. It was the first time Hunter has seen that gleam in his eyes again, the one that had died the day you slipped through their fingers. He had spent nights sat on the ship or in the house, blaming himself in an endless cycle. Trying to justify his decisions at the time and then looking over at his brother who was broken but wouldn’t admit it. Hating himself in a spiral that had no end.

Even now, he was still hesitant, still distrustful, still reluctant to put the last of his squad, his family, in harms way. He had lost Crosshair, he had lost you, he wasn’t sure he could lose anyone else.

“The Imperial transport Echo hijacked was assigned to the Advanced Science Division.”

“Never heard of it,” Hunter instantly said.

“That is because it is a clandestine operation.” Tech explained. “There are no records on its location or its purpose.” Tech turned back to console, his shoulders drooping slightly. “All I could find on it was the chief scientist in charge. Doctor Royce Hemlock.” A picture popped up of the human surrounded by a guard of commandos. “An officer expelled from the Republic science corps due to his unauthorised and unorthodox experiments.”

“Why were they sending clone prisoners to him?” Omega asked. “Could he have Stitch or would she be somewhere else?”

Tech took a moment to respond, the mention of your name always seemed to shock him, as though it held him back for a few moments while he struggled through his feelings and what to say. “I have been through many Imperial Prison systems and even checked for transfers to Coruscant and found nothing relating to Stitch.“ He assumed you would have been taken straight to the Emperor, and he didn’t want to think about it. “I do not know why clones are being sent to Hemlock, but it gets worse,” he rounded off grimly before diving into more information.

“Previous transfer records recovered from the ships logs list other clone prisoners detained by the Advanced Science Division. And Crosshair, is one of them.”

It took a moment for his words to sink in, Omega’s eyes widening and Wrecker moved for the first time, stepping up to Tech. “You mean, Crosshair turned on the Empire?”

“How sure are you about this?” Hunter demanded.

“Very,” Tech stated firmly. “After discovering his clone number on the transfer register, I checked our old com channels and found a recent distress message sent from Crosshair’s old code.”

Omega didn’t take her eyes off Tech for a second. “What did it say?”

“Plan 88,” he responded, glancing round at his brothers. “The Seeker. We are being targeted. I believe he is warning us.”

“Or it’s a trap,” Hunter interrupted. “Like he’s set us before.” Tech’s eyes narrowed and he gripped his datapad tightly. He didn’t believe that, not after what had happened to you and the Empire’s interest in Omega too. It was too much of a coincidence to be dismissed.

“How do we find out?” Wrecker implored gruffly.

“We look harder,” Hunter said. “We have names, we know some of what we are looking for. Will you stay with us, brother?” Echo shifted, having only watched the whole interaction until now.

“Yes. We need whatever intel we can find and we need it now,” Echo pressed.

“I’ll take Omega back to the house,” Wrecker said but she stepped forward.

“I want to help.”

Hunter crouched down beside her. “You can help by looking after yourself and bringing these guys breakfast in the morning.”

“Will it help us find her?” She whispered, barely containing the wobble in her bottom lip. “I miss her.” Hunter glanced up at Tech, but his gaze was trained on the console, absorbed in the task now he had a direction to go in.

“Let’s see what they find.” Hunter hated not being able to give her any assurances, not having the power to sweep their melancholy away with some hope. “Come on.”

The next day dawned bright and calm. The opposite of how it was within the Marauder. Tech and Echo were a flurry of activity searching all they could about the Advanced Science Division and Hemlock until Hunter had demanded they get some rest. Tech had refused to move, eventually succumbing to exhaustion in his chair and Echo had sensibly taken a bunk.

He sat on the steps of the ship, nursing a drink and watching the people of Pabu go about their daily business. A group of moon-yos chattered in the big tree, their wide eyes watching the food sitting on a step that Hunter had been ignoring. Absently he picked up a piece of fruit and tossed it in their direction, smiling a little as they squabbled over it on the ground before retreating back into their tree.

“Any luck?” Wrecker asked, fishing rod resting easily on his shoulder.

“Where is Omega?”

“With her friends. They’re trying to keep her occupied.” Hunter nodded, grateful when Wrecker sighed and planted himself casually on the lower steps of the ship. He grimaced, placing a hand on his shoulder and lifting his arm. “I really miss Stitch,” he grumbled.

Hunter let out a breath he’d been holding, noticing it did nothing to alleviate the tightness of grief he held for the absence of you. He knew the patience of waiting but he also knew how fast things could move. He held onto the reasoning, the Empire wanted you for a purpose, and it wasn’t to die. “We all miss her.”

“But we’ll get her back. Right?” Hunter threw another piece of fruit, letting the little critters chatter fill the void with noise so he didn’t have to fill it with false promises or fake platitudes. He’d never admit it, but he was barely keeping himself together.

“We need to find her first,” he muttered. “We shall have to see if they found anything else. Let them rest for now.” Wrecker took the dismissal. Hunter was sure the big clone had many things he wanted to say…but he didn’t. Picking up his fishing rod and clapping his brother on the back before disappearing from the landing platform.

Hunter stayed, keeping a silent vigil for his sleeping brothers, trapped in the whirl of his thoughts as he tried to plan for every eventuality.

Dusk had fallen. Everyone was rested, the intel had been run through once more and Tech had even eaten some food Omega handed him. The lights of the ship glowed in all their faces as they stood behind Tech once more, tapping into the console. “Echo and I have scoured through Imperial and Republic files, but intel about the Advanced Science Division is limited.”

Hunter stared hopelessly at the screen. “Do we know where they’re detaining Crosshair and the other clones?”

“Negative,” Tech replied. “Their base of operations is unknown.”

The sergeant scowled, turning his gaze to Tech. “Well what about their chief scientist?”

“There was even less on Doctor Hemlock and I was very thorough. He, is a ghost.” Wrecker sighed, rubbing a hand over his face as Omega looked helplessly up at Hunter. He didn’t want to admit defeat, even if he knew deep down, it was probably the better option.

“Not quite,” Echo announced, making his way from the cockpit. “According to a contact of mine, Hemlock’s set to attend a high-level imperial summit in two rotations.” He set himself down at the console opposite Tech and brought up an image on the screen.

“Where?” Hunter demanded.

“Tarkin’s compound on Eriadu. If we do a covert infiltration, we can plant a homing beacon on Hemlock’s ship and track him to his base.”

“And to Crosshair,” Omega added. “Would Stitch be there too?” She’d asked that question before, and still no one could answer her.

Hunter crossed his arms, the tell tale scowl marking his brow as he mulled briefly over Echo’s plan. “It won’t be that simple,” he pointed out. “We’d be at a tactical disadvantage, and I’m not sure…it’s worth the risk.” He expected Wrecker to counter him, or even Echo, but it was Tech who spoke up first.

“I understand your hesitation. We have not always agreed with Crosshair but he is still our brother and we could find some intel on where Stitch has been taken.” He took a breath, his eyes imploring as they gazed at Hunter. “We do not leave our own behind.”

“If there’s a chance to get them back, we have to take it.” Wrecker backed up Omega with a swift agreement. Hunter wanted to believe them, he wanted to jump in with both feet and agree without pointing out all the flaws. But someone had to be sensible and look at it with a critical eye.

“What about reinforcements?”

Echo stood up, his expression grave. “Well, Rex is on a separate mission so it’s just us. A small enough team to get in and get out without alerting them. But…we’ll need to move quickly.”

Hunter knew the final decision lay with him, it always did. He couldn’t deny the faint thrum of excitement that bled through him, not enough to sweep away his hesitation at this idea, but he couldn’t deny Omega when she looked at him like that. Also if he said no…he couldn’t deal with breeding more resentment. “Well then,” he gave Omega a lopsided grin. “Let’s get started.”

[douglasanondr]

'There are stories about the Nahe Woods, how it whistles when it's hard to see. The whistles are not of kindness, but a warning. Best to stay quiet but flee from the Woods while you can. For if the whistling stops, IT can see you.'

This was originally meant to be a comic, but I couldn't think of a scenario that didn't feel forced so here's the alternative.

Got an idea from this post by @kirstenonic05, with how Amitie describes Schezo, it got me thinking of how varying the descriptions people have about him, and if you're an outsider of Primp, with the exception of Ecolo, Schezo must sound like the most cryptic and mysterious creature in that whole area.

Because, there's no actual way to contact him, the man's a recluse so they have to go out of your way to find him. So they have to go by context clues, but everyone says something slightly different each time so they just get confused on what Schezo even is.

Its starts of with like "Oh, he's just a pervert", but then it becomes "Oh, he just can't speak right", and then it's "Oh, so he's relatively harmless", and then "What do you mean he attacked a kid?!" "What do you mean no one could stop him?!" "Wait, so he was tricked?" "So he just goes and attacks people?! "So he does protect the town." "He does what with people's magic?!" "So you're fine if you're on good terms with him." "He's fought the Devil and wins how often?!" and it keeps going on and on, until they're left more confused than they were before.

This spiralled into the idea that, outside of Primp, Schezo isn't even described as the Dark Mage that lives in the Woods. Instead he is described as a Dangerous Forest Cryptid, that speaks in tongues and protects the Nahe Woods and by extension Primp Town. A being that can attack at any point and drain the lifeforce out of you but can be tricked and befriended, and has power that rival the Devil himself. And that the Nahe Woods is just a must avoid at all cost location, and if you must go, to be very respectful as to not provoke the Thing in the Nahe Woods.

even though that's not the case. He's just a homeless Dark Mage.

[rolling-restart]

In The Pale Moonlight [Charles Leclerc x Reader] - Part 2

*** This is a NSFW Charles Leclerc x Reader fic with dominant reader and submissive Charles. If it’s something you want to avoid or you are minor, please scroll past. ***

Status: incomplete

Part 1 | Part 3

Tags and content warnings: non-negotiated scene, under-negotiated dynamic (for plot reasons, I strongly encourage kink negotiating irl), subdrop, irresponsible dom behaviour, angst.

Summary: You are the new team principal of Ferrari and you spiral into an affair with Charles before you know it.

PART 2 - Aftercare

It had been a while since you and Charles started your little adventure. You are trying not to think about it when you step outside of your house and put on your ‘boss’ facade. You wouldn’t admit that Charles’ little face, wet with desire and need, finds its way into your brief moments of daydreaming while you try to go on your business during the day. You wouldn’t admit that you keep his letters where he describes what he wants you to do to him in detail in a locked drawer in your office, either. To save some face, you keep this ‘situationship’, as you name it, unstructured, like random, powerful bursts of light that ignite your soul every now and then. You sometimes wonder if you will ever collar him, make him completely yours but you shake that thought off immediately as it comes because what is happening is nothing but a fling. A dangerous one for both of you, undoubtedly.

Still, you find yourself holding his head fondly at a moment that feels like has been stolen from heaven. Charles is on your bedroom floor, knees digging into the carpet uncomfortably, bound by scarlet ropes matching with old bite marks and hickeys you scattered on normally covered parts of his body. He is panting, trying to keep his composure after staying like that for an hour at that point. You had tied him up like that when he arrived at your place unannounced. You still had work stuff to finish.

Obviously, after he takes his place as a prized statue on your bedroom floor, you already know that you are not going to get anything done tonight. Nevertheless, you kill time to get him worked up and to watch him break under anticipation. The slight guilt creeps up on you. You know, as a fact, that you are not indeed taking advantage of his submission. You are not his dom, you are just domming him occasionally. He is an adult who knows his safe words to get himself out of this situation. While you use these arguments to clear your conscience, you already know that he couldn’t say no to whatever you want from him because he is already far too gone in submission since the day he saw you.

To avoid overthinking even further, you drop your laptop and pace toward him. You see his body flinch with your sudden movement and catch his glossy doe eyes. He is far too gone, nearly shaking with the anxiety brought by anticipation. You grab his hair and tug it experimentally to see how he reacts. His body follows your weak tug and loses balance. He is far too gone into subspace to do anything but follow your lead but you know that it is an anxious submission. You know that Charles is trying to find comfort and belonging at a place where he doesn’t even know if he is welcome. Your insistence on not defining where this is going forces you two to flirt with the boundaries of subdrop and even domdrop during every scene.

You let go of his hair and watch him miserably fall to his side with the movement. He is holding back tears now. He feels like he would die if he is forced to be somewhere else than your vicinity right now but he also feels like he is about to jump out of his skin with uncertainty. He cannot stop himself from falling into the subspace but he cannot feel completely safe either because he doesn’t know when this is going to end and when he is going to be kicked out abruptly.

You grab his hair and force him onto his knees again. Your brain is falling into autopilot to not feel the overwhelming want to make him yours, here and now, completely and forever. Then, you slap his pretty, pretty face.

Charles lets out a whimper and fights to keep his balance to stay on his knees. You absentmindedly caress his hair.

“You think you can just turn up on my doorstep like a fucking lost puppy? Who do you think you are?”

He is unable to form coherent words, due to his fear of giving a wrong answer and being punished for his unrightful clinginess.

You slap him again. And again. Until at some point he lets out a loud yelp. That stops you immediately and you sink to your knees to see what is wrong. Charles is trying to hide his hurt but you see some stray tears streaming down his face.

“Charles? What’s wrong?”

He mewls at your question and tilts his head left. Suddenly, you figure out what is wrong. The last slap accidentally landed on his ear instead of his cheek. That obviously pushed him over his breaking point. Guilt and compassion bloom in your chest and an urge to leave all this scene behind to just simply hold him becomes unavoidable.

“I can’t … it’s ringing…”

You start untying him with calm but urgent hushes while he keeps crying. He finally figures out you are untying him and tries to hold onto the rope in your hand.

“Charles, darling, we cannot keep going like this. I need to untie you.” you say, trying to sound as calm and soft as possible. He seems like he might shatter into pieces if you raise your voice even a little bit. When you manage to pry the rope from his hands, he clings to your arm.

“Please, please… tie me up again. Please don’t let me go. I’ll be better. I will stop crying. I’d do anything… I’d…”

He is interrupted by uncontrollable sobs. You sigh in pain. He thinks you’ll kick him out because he hasn’t been ‘good’ and ‘couldn’t take it’. Well, you think to yourself, that’s what you get for trying to ‘casually’ dom someone. And what is the point in resisting something you want so badly as well? What is the point in denying your and Charles’ nature calling to each other?

“It is okay Charles, you are going to be okay. I’ll take good care of you now. Just let me get you to bed.”

He is shaking so badly to get on his feet. So you carry him. You are glad all the time you spent at the gym is paying off while being surprised at how light he is. You gently lay him on your bed. He looks so exposed, so vulnerable under your gaze. You wanted to break him since the moment you laid your eyes on him and now he is laying broken on your bed. However, this brings you no satisfaction nor joy because you know, you know you broke him wrong. You let him think that he is disposable, replaceable for you out of your fear of getting attached to this prettiest little sub that you most definitely shouldn’t be with like this.

This is no time for guilt, though. You have a rapidly dropping sub in your hands and you cannot even assess the damage yet. You see him closing his eyes and wrapping his arms around himself to calm his sobs, and you know you don’t have much time to fix this. You run to your ensuite bathroom to fetch a damp towel. He doesn’t even realise you are gone and he flinches when you hold his forearms. You slowly push his arms aside and run the damp cloth to wipe to sweat off him, to soothe him. He calmly gives into your gentle touches.

When you are done, he opens his eyes to the loss of contact.

“C-can you call me a taxi? I’ll b-b-be gone in no time…” His shaky voice wrenches your heart.

“I am not letting you go, darling, you are dropping.”

Your efforts to calm him down go to waste when he starts shaking again with your acknowledgement of the situation.

“I d-don’t wanna drop…I just wanted to be good.”

This puts a little smile on your face. “Don’t worry, precious, I’ll catch you.”

You carry him to your bathroom and sit him on the bathroom floor while you start running the bath. Charles has so much he wants to say but his words are not cooperating. When the warm bath is finally full, you gently ease him into the bathtub and start washing his hair. Your nightshirt is soaking wet in no time. You have to reposition him every couple of minutes because he physically cannot keep his body upright. However, his crying seems to subside. You slowly rub the washcloth on the hickeys on his chest. There isn’t going to be anything sexual between you and Charles, you think to yourself until you sort everything out. This ‘situationship’ fried his nerves, hurt him enough and honestly, you cannot say that you are in any better condition.

After washing him, you rinse his hair tenderly while massaging his scalp. He keeps slipping lower and lower in the water. You find the metaphor rather bitter when you readjust his bruised body the millionth time. You cannot let him slip away from you anymore.

You wrap him into a warm towel and carry him back to your bedroom. He looks smaller, somehow younger like this. You take your time drying his hair while his body hesitates between waking world and slumber. You find a large and soft sleep t-shirt from the depths of your wardrobe and put it on Charles’ limp body. You wonder how many times he had to take care of himself like this alone after your encounters. You smoothly pull him onto your chest. His hand grabs your nightshirt tightly purely out of instinct

You know when the morning comes, there will be no more room for guilt, cowardice and non-commitment. Even in the best scenario, he will wake up in the scary land of subdrop. It is okay, though. Because this time you’ll be there to hold him.

[lol-jackles]

Can we get your review of Walker 3x03 please ? What did you think of the way they portrayed PTSD in the writing and the actors acting?

It is testimony to how good a show is when I didn’t notice there was no case this week.  Cordell bahavior upon his return is polar opposite to the pilot episode; he didn’t avoid the homecoming dinner and instead dives right into it with manic energy and gives a graduation speech to Stella, signaling that he wants to erase the past 48 hours and pick up from before he was kidnapped on Stella’s graduation day.  The speech is going well until his hand starts bleeding from under a bandana.  Putting a band aide over a wound doesn’t heal the wound nor stop the trauma and it metaphorically bleeds out to the rest of the family and his colleagues: Liam is so desperate to talk to Cordell about their shared trauma that he invites himself to Cordell’s roadtrip plan with his children, Cassie belatedly realizes how dangerous her job is and doesn’t feel safe when Cordell is easily distracted at unpredictable times by triggers, Stella and August doesn’t come clean about the Mustang because they’re afraid it will break the dam and send Cordell spiraling.  Teenager's worlds are small and they feel their actions have dire consequences.  

Stella to Cordell: “After you were taken, college seems so small.”

Stella and August’s preoccupation with not stressing out their father led them to extreme behavior.

Colton to Stella & August: “I'm amazed the lengths you two have gone.  We're talking about grand theft auto.  Like, what won't you guys do for your dad.”

August: Well, you haven't seen him this summer.

Cordell finds out his children’s shenanigans and while very angry with them, it doesn’t break the dam as they fear it would and it gives them enough confidence to have a heart-to-heart talk and Cordell realizes how he handled his trauma wasn’t wholly effective because everybody took his lead by not talking and in the process, shut down their feelings and put aside their issues for the sake of “the equilibrium”, as Abaline said.  He promised Stella that he will figure this out, the same promise he gives to Cassie when she drops by with cake.

Like the Walker family, Cassie also held back from having a real conversation with Cordell because she thought it would be “selfish” on her part to make torture that Cordell endured to be about her, meaning her concern for her own safety.  She also is likely feeling guilt because it was her case that brought the kidnapper’s attention to Cordell.  So Cassie put aside her own feelings for months until she couldn’t anymore and communicated her concern to Cordell.

People don’t always handle things the “right” way.  Cordell has rarely handled his PTSD the “right way”, starting when he self-exiled at the start of season 1 which progressed to avoidant attachment, inconsistent caregiving; in season 2 it was difficulties sleeping, flashbacks, mistrust of others, and yelling at August, and now avoidance in season 3.   The show does a pretty good job showing that Cordell isn’t always aware that some of his actions are result of his trauma.  Cordell seems to live in constant fear that everyone knows what happened to him and now thanks to Julia’s article, they have a very good idea.  He then does what many do: he pushes down his feelings and hides them from others in an attempt to look well-adjusted and emotionally stable.  It’s a coping mechanism that worked well for him in the cage, so he sees no issue with applying it to life.

Avoidance is a common symptom of PTSD.  They avoid situations and reminders of their trauma in order avoid triggers.  Unfortunately for Liam, he’s a walking talking trigger for Cordell and why he avoids talking to Liam.  Worse, Cordell is the only person that Liam wants to talk to, and it sends Cordell into more avoidance spiral.  Now Liam feels that he is emotionally cut off from not only Cordell, but the rest of the family until finally Bonham (after being prodded by Abby) steps in.

Same trauma can look different in different people.  Every person with PTSD is different.  What’s one person’s issue and causes are not someone else’s.   Just like people do not all grieve all at once equivalently, even if they all suffer the same loss.   What triggers one is not the problem for someone else even if they were in the same situation.  Suddenly the Walker family found themselves with 2 men with PTSD but very different triggers and opposing needs.  They decide to Cordell’s lead, perhaps out of guilt for their mishandling back in season 1.  The family adopts the same avoidance technique as Cordell because at least they know his trigger.  I don’t know what’s Liam’s trigger and it seems neither he nor the family knows either?  Maybe that’s the main reason why they’re following Cordell’s lead.

Even though Cordell is in therapy, and I assume Liam is too, neither character is asking for help and that only compounds their symptoms.   Avoiding trauma-related thoughts or feelings, including each other, is a very realistic behavior of survivors. They might see this as protective, as Cordell does, but it is actually a symptom that needs to be further explored.  Realistically, too, part of why Cordell does not talk to Liam is that he also blames himself.  Liam was taken because Cordell refused to break under his captors.

I expect this PTSD arc to last several episodes, but Cordell isn’t and won’t be defined by his PTSD because he doesn’t owe much to his illness beyond its symptoms.  His overall personality was defined before the trauma(s) that disabled him.  The healing process is not a linear, step-by-step checklist and I suspect that Cordell doesn’t just have PTSD, he also has complex PTSD because it started in his childhood when he was framed for murder at age 14.  It may explain why he was a “hellraiser in high school”.  Cordell was able to excel in the marines and then the rangers because he already developed skills to deal with the unknown, in other words, the past trauma serves as a skill set of its own.  It’s like how some people at the start of the pandemic didn’t struggle with worsening anxiety or depression like a lot of people because the former was already functioning with a baseline of stress that was completely throwing others.  Mental illness doesn’t make define people.  Beyond the physical and mental symptoms, most people are the same people they were before the trauma. 

My score: 9 out of 10.