#get out of here with ur shallow first world ass

[arminsumi]

Hi! I hope ur having a good time. Sorry, for the phrasing, English is not my first language hehe (｡>\\<) btw i really like ur writing! u keep them in character and also ur amazing at writing fluff ♡(੭´͈ ᐜ `͈)੭ can I please ask for a gojo fluff where he realizes reader always wanted to have a small boyfriend to like call him baby boy to sit on her lap and spoil him and stuff and then gojo goes apeshit like trying to sit on her with his long ass limbs trying to be a babyboy idk hehehe anyways tysm

"I'm your baby boy, right?"

GOJO さとる + fem!reader

Satoru thinks he's smaller than he actually is, and tries curl up on you like a cat.

Note : hey hey! srry i took so long to write this omggg it got lost in my drafts. but!! it's such a sweet idea thank u for sending it in!! big beefy satoru trying to make himself ur small boy is a thought that gave me life 💗😖 and thank u so much for ur kind words it means a lot!!

Satoru tries to curl up on you as if he's a little cat.

But he's not.

Ah, but he really thinks he is sometimes.

And he wants to be a little cat to you, not a big burly man or a strong intimidating menace but just a small, soft, delicate thing to be held and touched and pampered with love and care.

It makes you laugh, as you listen to him grunting and struggling to position himself on your lap and get those long limbs in order — it's one of the funniest sights; a big boy trying to box himself up like he's not 6'3 with broad-shoulders 'n thick arms 'n long spider-like legs.

"Do you think you're a cat or something?"

"Yes." he grins dumbly, balancing precariously on you as you sit. Then he sees your smile and slips off. "—oopsfuck!" he falls, gets up, acts it off, then tries again.

In bed, he wiggles down the sheets so his head is level with your chest. He wraps his arms around your middle, arches his back, and encases you between his legs. He clings to your body on his side like that, and snuggles his cheek on your chest as if it's his rightful pillow, the place where he belongs.

"Play with my hair, please?" he mumbles with pouty lips.

He smiles to himself when you fulfil his request.

Feeling both your warmth and your fingers stroking lovingly through his hair makes him drowsy. And when he's drowsy, he mumbles mental notes like "we need to buy orange juice tomorrow..." as he falls asleep.

His grip slackens as he falls asleep. In the middle of the night, he'll wake up and look at you with that puffy pouty sleepy face of his and stare for a moment, appreciating you, before tightening his embrace on your body and returning to slumber.

When he wakes up the next morning with you, he makes the same request; "Play with my hair." but with a raspy voice.

While you do so, he groaningly complains about having had nightmares all night.

"I keep dreamin' about saving the world 'n failing... but it's fine. I wake up and you're right here. So nothin' to worry about. Doesn't matter if I fail if I still have you."

He's so happy to be getting spoiled and pampered by you while curling his body up as small as possible. Happy that he has someone he doesn't have to be big and strong around. Someone who he can be a baby boy around.

Sometimes he's resting on your chest in the mornings in silence, when suddenly he rears his head up and asks "I'm your baby boy, right? Say it, please."

"Mhm. You're my baby boy, Satoru. Don't worry."

"Mm yay." he smiles to himself and resumes resting on you, his white hair tickling under your chin. "Say it again, please. Just keep saying it."

So you do, you say it repeatedly and it sounds like a soft lullaby to him. He falls back asleep with his ear pressed to your heartbeat, and feels a safe warmness in his chest.

"Oh." he startles out of his shallow sleep, "We need to buy orange juice, don't we?"

© arminsumi

I do not permit the copying/reposting/translation/plagiarism of my works. Do not steal what I've worked hard to create.

This is fictional work.

[albatmobile]

can we get an established relationship with Jason or reader/jason/roy? Pretty please 🥵

kinda went off the rails for my first prompt request! (and low key combined it w another one I got for a part 2!!)

didn’t expect to take this angle let alone write this much, so let me know what you think!

and even when the sky falls, I’ll be there 

next: [2] [3] [4] || ao3

𓅪 Rated: E | 5k includes: angst, major character death, hurt and comfort, established relationship, lots of smut y'all ur welcome, voyeurism, jealousy

𓅪 established fem!reader x jason todd, eventual fem!reader x roy harper, eventual fem!reader x jason todd x roy harper

The world is ending, but it’s fine.

You can hardly think about it with the way Jason’s cock glides in an out of your wetness as you make use of the empty apartment. It’s mere hours before he needs to leave for Apokolips with the remaining members of The Justice League and it’s not exactly an in-and-out type of mission, thus you’re taking advantage of the remaining time you have together.

“You think Grifter will be there?” you ask innocently but his jealous growl lets you know just how affected he actually is. He angles right where he knows you want it and has you begging for more as punishment.

“Fuck that dude.”

“Mmm,” you moan exaggeratedly just to piss him off even more, hoping he’ll get rough again.

He does.

Jason bends you over the counter further and pushes your head against the cool stone. “Fucking slut,” he growls. 

“Oh, shit.”

The door shuts as the apartment’s other occupant walks in. 

At Roy’s early arrival from patrol, you both look up with shocked expressions, but Jason’s brutal pace continues. You desperately grab at the edge of the counter for support as Jason releases his hold on your head.

“Sup,” Jason says and nods his head in Roy’s direction.

The redhead vaguely repeats the action as he takes in the lewd sight of you bent over the counter with a dark blush.

“You guys heard it’s the end of the world and shit?” Roy feigns nonchalance as he goes about taking off some of his destroyed gear and scattering it about on the floor as he sidles up next to you to grab a bottle of water from the fridge. “Need one?” He points one teasingly at your wrecked state.

You meet his trailing gaze through your half-lidded eyes as Jason angles himself in the most delicious way against your g-spot. 

“Roy, fuck off,” you break off with a moan Jason forces from you as he gives you exactly what you need.

Roy clears his throat, but neither you nor Jason look up, “I mean you are fucking in our shared kitchen.” In response, you look over at him again and he winks at you.

Jason switches up the pace into slow, delicious snaps of his hips into you as you mewl and desperately back against him in an attempt to get him to speed up again. 

Jason wraps your hair around his fist and pulls your head back to meet the ferocity in his eyes from above. “S’not like he’s gonna find some chick to bang in the next 20 minutes. Better give him a show to send him off to Apokolips with,” he says, then smacks you on the ass to articulate his point. You feel like you’re about to break. It’s fucking incredible. “I’d rather you talk about Roy than that dumb-ass Red Hood knock-off.”

Roy whistles low, knowing exactly who he’d meant, “Talkin’ about another man during sex? That’s low.” 

You whimper as you’re assaulted by the thick arousal that coats his coarse voice. “Your voyeuristic ass still being here is low,” you pant out around your last bits of sanity. Meanwhile, you feel a familiar warm feeling tickle at your sensitive clit. 

Jason laughs and smacks your ass in a way that you know will leave a mark, but it only leaves you more turned on. You arch your back even more into his taunting, shallow thrusts in desperation.

“I want to come, please, Jay,” you beg as you do your best to buck against him. You attempt to increase the pace and friction, but his secure arm around your midsection only allows you so much leverage while the other one traps you against the counter.

“All you had to do was ask, baby,” he chuckles darkly and hooks your leg over his arm to deepen the angle, leaving your head to fall languidly against his chest. You force your eyes to stay open and take in every moment you have left with him.

It’s desperate, rough and raunchy. It’s everything you need and more.

You're already close and Roy wasn’t obviously going anywhere based on his casual lean against the cabinet next to you. 

“Hng. Faster, Jay. Please,” you whine helplessly as he continues to torment you with an even, tantalizing pace that leaves you wriggling for more.

He kisses down your neck and whispers sweet praises against your sweat-slickened skin, “I love you.” He nips at your ear as he whispers your name, then brings his hand to rub your leaking cunt, “I love you so much.” His voice is raw and low as he clutches you against his firm chest like you’ll disappear at any moment.

At this, you arch backward and are sent over the edge by a well-timed, purposeful thrust against your sensitive bundle of nerves.

Jason knows just how to get you a withering mess like no one ever had before.

It’s pathetic, really. But you can’t focus on that now.

Your nails drag across the counter as you struggle to remove yourself from his thick cock. There’s an unbearable ache of sensitivity blossoming from your clit all the way into the lower depths of your stomach that leaves you twitching and scurrying away from its overwhelming nature.

Jason, however, doesn’t let you get too far before he draws you back against him.

“That’s it,” he moans your name and picks up the pace. “Just like that. You’re so good for me, baby.”

You can’t help but twitch and clench down on his hard length as your hips pathetically grind against him one final time as he milks more out of you. Then, you’re collapsing into a panting mess with what’s supposed to be his name but comes out as more of a wet gasp than anything.

“I can’t,” you whimper with a shake your head. You’re still riding the high of your orgasm, as he rights you against his muscular abdomen to continue his delicious assault. He drags his nails lightly against your erect nipples and you shudder into him, “Jason. Please, I can’t.”

“Can’t what, baby? Speak up,” Jason demands.

Barely a second goes by before he pulls out with a wet pop that emanates throughout the quiet apartment, leaving you to whine at the overwhelming feeling of emptiness. He smacks at your hip and you automatically turn to face him with shaky legs as you bury your head into his well-defined pecks that were slightly glistening from exertion.

Jason lifts your bare ass easily onto the counter as he repositions the two of you, knocking you into Roy’s arm in the process. All the while, your come leaks from your abused cunt onto the surface below in a lewd display that had both men drooling at the sight. 

This new angle with him holding your legs open is all Jason needs.

He places his hard length at your entrance again and rubs it up and down in a teasing manner. “I asked you a question,” he says as he drops down to slurp at your honied arousal. He meets you at face level again but, this time, with glistening lips that draw you in for a sloppy, musk-ridden kiss that leaves you dizzy. 

Your come dribbles down your chin and he catches it with his thumb before drawing his tongue upwards to lap at the steady trail behind.

Your over-sensitivity is quickly morphing into another orgasm already with the help of a few flicks of his tongue against your clit. 

He sucks lightly at your neck as he pushes in with a sinful moan that leaves you clenching around him. 

Your arms find their way around his neck as you take him in until he finally bottoms out in you.

He stays there for a moment to allow you to catch your breath and you finally allow yourself to respond, “I can’t come again.” 

“I don’t believe that for a second,” he laughs teasingly around your name. “Do you, Roy?”

Roy just stands there, dumbfounded at the question, yet unable to take his eyes off your naked body. “No,” it’s a broken whisper that leaves you flooding with instant arousal.

It’s your turn to be shocked as his wide eyes meet your own. 

You’d never thought of Roy like that, if anything he was your best friend by extension after all the years of knowing each other via Jason. However, Roy’s been here from the very first meeting to your first date and had even walked in on you during your first time together. 

Roy being here in the position felt odd, but not necessarily wrong.

You moan as you notice the arousal in his light green eyes. 

No, definitely not wrong.

Jason smirks at the sight. The raven then leans back slightly to watch his swollen, leaking cock push your come back inside your cunt while giving Roy a better view of the lewd action. 

Jason did say to put on a show, right?

Jason is still focused on the erotic sight of his cock fucking into you when you meet Roy’s wanton, verdant eyes again.

You keep your eyes on him as you spread your legs further before removing one arm from around Jason’s thick neck to spread your lips apart, completely baring your twitching clit to the cold air.

Roy gulps and you see the tent in his pants twitch in response. This only serves as confirmation to continue your teasing display for his enjoyment.

Jason lifts you up from the counter slightly before setting you back down to get your attention. His eyes are dangerous with an emerald glint of jealousy flashing across his already verdant hue. 

Jason wants your attention, so you give it to him. 

“Touch yourself,” it’s more of a growl than anything, but it makes you arch into his thrusts, nonetheless.

You release a breathy moan and do as he says, even though you already feel so close again.

This time, he keeps his eyes on yours, daring you to look over at Roy again.

The new pace he sets is absolutely brutal and neither of you lasts much longer as the overwhelming arousal in the pits of your stomachs boil over. Soon, you’re seeing stars. 

Jason releases into you only to continue to jerkily fuck the milky white substance back into your dripping cunt. He hisses slightly at the sensitivity before finally pulling out with a wrecked groan.

It’s quiet as the three of you stare at the gushing mess that's steadily flowing from your swollen hole and onto the counter. After a beat, Roy sucks in an audible breath as it dribbles down to the cabinet below you in a final, obscene spectacle.

Wet sounds fill the room briefly again as Jason dips his fingers into the sopping mess seeping from you before shoving the mixture of body fluids into your mouth. 

You obey easily and draw your tongue lazily over his two fingers as you lap it up before swallowing audibly.

Finally, Jason slumps against you and pants slightly.

Completely satisfied, you reach for the water bottle in Roy’s hand. The redhead releases it to you easily, seemingly still in shock that Jason had allowed him to stay and watch when the raven has always been the jealous type, especially when it comes to you.

“Maybe the world should end more often,” Roy gulps as he adjusts the erection that’s strained against his suit. The movement leaves a lewd, tiny wet spot in the process.

Jason allows you to look at Roy’s predicament briefly before he draws you back to him in a shaky, slow kiss. “I don’t want to leave you,” he whispers. He’s leaning his forehead against yours now as he looks deeply into your eyes.

Everything is hushed now, as if it’s a secret just between the two of you.

“Then don’t,” you insist quickly. “Let me come with you guys.”

Roy and Jason both make noises of disapproval.

“I’m not having this conversation while you still have my come leaking out of you,” he chides lightly with a squeeze of your right thigh before moving to grab a towel to wipe you up with.

Once he’s cleaned you up, you resume the conversation exactly where it had left off.

“Awesome, no more come,” you say, spreading your legs to cement your point. “Now, can I tag along or not?”

“No.” Jason's tone leaves no room for argument, but you try anyway.

“What little life we live is dangerous enough as is, but that shouldn’t stop us from living it, Jay,” you try. With this, you hold his hands and stare into his gorgeous eyes as if it’s the last time you’ll see them, which, hell, maybe it is. “I’m coming with you guys.” It’s no longer a request, but a demand. “If I die, I die beside you, not here alone.”

Roy argues in your favor, pointing out you were more than trained for the situation after their self-defense and shooting lessons with you, but is quickly overruled by your boyfriend, who refuses to hear him out.

“It’s also a mental thing, Roy. You know that as well as I do, but does she?” At Jason’s words, Roy nods in understanding. “It’s too dangerous for you to come, so you’re staying here. That’s final,” Jason’s tone is resolute, but you don’t care.

Your boyfriend tries to argue some more, but you remain stubborn until, eventually, time was up and a decision had to be made.

This is how you end up in one of Catwoman’s old suits that Jason stole from the Batcave on team alpha.

You stand side-by-side with Jason and Roy in Raven’s portal alongside Robin, John Constantine, and Superman. Never in your mind could you ever have imagined anything like this. Based on Jason’s grim face, you suppose neither had he.

“It’s a suicide mission,” you surmise based on the dark looks of everyone around you, though, technically, you can’t see Jason’s through his red helmet.

“That’s the spirit,” John says, sarcasm dripping from his thick British accent. 

At his words, you turn to look at Roy with a tiny smirk. 

The redhead seems like he doesn’t know how you're able to stay so calm in the face of Armageddon. Regardless, he smiles back at you as if he finds it slightly admirable, if not slightly psychotic as well.

John definitely shares the same sense of morbid humor you’ve come to appreciate in your roommate, Roy, throughout your many years of living together.

There’s no more time to joke, however. It’s time to get your heads in the game.

Your first task is to face the mind-controlled Justice League members. Darkseid had brainwashed numerous of them into mindless Furies that would destroy anyone in their path.

You try not to let the pressure get to you and attempt to keep yourself prepared for battle. Without a second thought, you stretch languidly in your tight, leather outfit in the limited space of the elevator, relishing in Jason’s obvious attention with each arching dip you took downward. You pop up and flick at his helmet-covered chin with a satisfied smirk once you’re finished teasing.

Man, are you feeling this suit.

“Are they usually this insufferable?” Robin growls as Jason paws up and down the expanse of your leather-clad body with little regard for anyone else in the cramped space. He grabs at the thickness of your ass before spinning you around to pull you flush against his chest.

“Can you blame the lad?” John winks at you and Jason, who jokingly reaches towards his holster in an empty threat that leaves John grinning widely in response.

“Oh, they’re worse behind closed doors,” Roy laments jokingly. “Trust me, as their unwilling roommate, I should know. We share a bathroom and everything.”

You sputter, knowing he was leaving out that he’d just watched you both fuck not even two hours ago. This is something the redhead catches sight of easily and winks with a smirk in response. You quickly face forward, lamenting the mask that leaves the bottom half of your face completely uncovered for everyone to see the crimson that now overtakes your cheeks.

The elevator dings and the mood changes immediately as you come face-to-face with the mind-controlled figures of Wonder Woman, Hawkman and Martian Manhunter.

Jason squeezes your hand and you turn to give Roy a hug. He rubs at your back slightly before releasing you and drawing an arrow.

It's go time.

All you focus on is pointing and aiming while Jason and Roy flank you as your own personal security. 

You get in a few good shots, but for the most part, they prevent you from having to deal with too much of the action.

After John gets control over Wonder Woman by using her own lasso against her to break the mind-control, he orders you guys to find the main control center, assuring the team that he’d be following right behind. 

You jog behind the group as you enter the control center where Darkseid sits on his throne, already anticipating your arrival.

The final battle is finally upon you.

The sight of his garish skin and glowing red eyes alone is enough to make you regret coming, but the horrifying sight of a hypnotized Batman next to him seems even worse. You’ve seen how much damage Batman can do single-handedly and want nowhere near him while he's stuck in an altered state of mind. He, alone, is truly a weapon of destruction.

Jason and Roy and you shoot a path to get deeper into the room to create some sort of cover while Raven continues her struggle to contain her demon father inside her inner prison. It's obvious with each spell she casts that she's growing weaker and her father, who's chained inside her, is only growing more impatient. Your whole team knows it's only a matter of time before he'll be released and, then... well, who knows what'll happen.

You’re quickly separated from Roy as he clears a cluster of creepy Paradoom creatures to grant you guys a bit of space to work in. He and Jason switch back and forth between creating room and protecting you from the glowing, red-eyed demons.

“God, you look so good with a gun,” Jason grunts your name as he unleashes a barrage of bullets into a creature that had gotten a bit too close to you. “It’s unfair how much you’re distracting me right now, baby.”

“Jason,” you say urgently, “focus.”

You manage a headshot on a Paradoom that was perched to kill Jason in the midst of his carelessness.

“You’re going to get her killed if you don’t get your shit together, Jay,” Roy exclaims as he comes to your side and kills three more that were ready to pounce on you during Jason’s inattentiveness. 

“We’re all fucked anyway, aren’t we?”

You shake your head in disbelief. How can he be so nonchalant about everything? It's like he has a fucking death wish, or something...

Your stomach churns at the realization. 

Roy seems to pick up on this as well and orders Jason to swap spots so he can protect you. In his new position, Jason continues to mow down more rows of the disgusting creatures.

The first casualty of the fight is Robin. His death, however, snaps Batman out of his hypnosis, making him a helpful asset rather than a dangerous obstacle.

Looking around, you not that you're still on a somewhat even playing field. Technically, your team isn’t down in numbers even with Robin gone, but the battle has only just begun.

You hear Batman’s horrified cries at the same time Jason yells out in pain. 

Roy tackles you into the wall behind you to keep you from doing anything stupid. You watch helplessly as a Paradoom retreats its knife-like arm out from Jason’s stomach with a sickening squelch.

“NO!” you exclaim. Your hands flail and pound against Roy’s grip as you watch in horror as Jason stumbles around, shooting randomly at the towering figures of the swarm that closed in on him in a final, vain attempt to ward them off.

“Listen, little bird," he says weakly as he rips off his helmet so you can actually hear his voice as he bumps into the corner opposite of you and Roy, "you gotta promise me something.” 

He’s run out of places to run to.

You shake your head. It isn’t over. It can’t be over.

Why is he acting like it is?

Sure, Damian's dead and Roy's bleeding out beside you on account of a Paradoom stab wound, but he's still in the fight. Surely, Jason will be fine, too. He's Jason, after all. He's one of the strongest people you know. He isn’t done yet….

For him to give in meant… Well, doom.

The end.

“Jason," your voice wobbles as you look to Roy for any sort of help, but he’s more concerned with protecting you while you’re in this vulnerable state, "don’t talk like that.”

“I know you’ve built up a lot of walls to keep good people out,” his voice chokes as tears leak from under his domino mask, “but you gotta promise me that you won’t give up on me, on this.” He gestures to the battle. “On life, on… love,” it’s a pained grit as his clip empties and the swarm finally envelopes him whole. 

“NO!” 

You push against Roy with one final shove and race forward, attempting to close the distance to touch him one last time, but it’s futile. There are too many swarms in between you and you were lucky to be able to see his figure at all in the chaos that surrounds the two of you.

When you look at him it is just the two of you as the noises from the battle filter out from your head, paying close attention to his final words, breaths.

“I love you,” he says your name like a final prayer. “Roy, take care of her, you fucking bastard.”

In his last moments, he throws you his M16 to give you one final shot at the fight since you're completely out of ammo.

“JASON!” you cry out his name as a desperate plea across the gory sounds of battle that filled the tiny control room. Your stomach churns as he falls limp to the ground with a sickening thud and screams as he’s torn limb for limb by the bat-like creatures. 

Even Batman turns his head at the volume of your anguished lament.

You’re forced back into your shock by what you eventually realize is Roy. He pulls you back against his chest with one arm and makes use of a crossbow in the other. The redhead continues to give you cover as he slowly kneels to the ground on one knee while covering his stomach.

In your own negligence, he ends up getting hurt trying to protect you…

“Head in the game,” he says your name with a detached voice, trying to hold it together for both of you while the world around you crumbles. 

You snap back to the moment as you empty a round into the six Paradooms that flank behind Roy while he continues to shoot over your shoulder, but he's on his last set of arrows.

“We’re not gonna make it, Roy,” you worry aloud.

“Damn, and you were gonna make chili for date night tonight, babe.”

Your laugh ends up coming out hysterically through your streaming tears at the fucked-up situation. You allow yourself a brief moment to think about how different everything was supposed to be had Apokolips not raged a world-ending war with Earth.

You're supposed to be at home with Jason because he took off patrol for your date night, which Roy would undoubtedly crash anyway. 

He always did.

You think about each time Jason kissed you, touched you, loved you. How Roy was there every step up the way, making you laugh. You snort bitterly, realizing most people only recount their best memories right before death. That's the only explanation you have for this pathetic train of thought.

“I think I see the light, Roy,” you say, half-joking, half-serious. 

“Keep fighting,” he manages around his gritted teeth around the pain of his worsening wound, leaving him to lay on the ground.

You push past those thoughts with a terrifying battle cry and snatch Roy’s bow from off the floor to aim it at the offending creatures.

Jason is long gone. 

The memories aren’t calling you to death. They're calling you to life. 

To fight.

A new fire in you rages as you focus on the battle at hand. You need to protect Roy like he’d done for you, giving it everything you have left.

You can’t lose them both.

He's still moaning in pain as you situate yourself to squat over his body to get a better angle at the creature's jugulars. Meanwhile, Roy uses his crossbow to help create space between the creatures and the two of you.

“How did I even make it this far?! Roy, I can’t save us.”

Doubt set in as more and more creatures spawn.

After all, you're no, Jason. 

“From down here, it looks pretty good to me.”

You reload the last clip and look down at him to see him eyeing your precarious yet protective position over him in Catwoman’s skin-tight outfit. You roll your eyes.

How typical that he could flirt in a moment like this. However, you can’t deny it had helped you get out of your head, if only for a brief moment before you're forced to focus back on the task at hand. 

If you allow yourself too much time to think, you'll only be able to hear Jason's distressing final screams…

You focus back on reality and remove your tender gaze from him to stand.

You crouch over his weakening body as Roy tries his best to cover you from the floor. He makes use of his bow that you’d dropped right as a barrage of Paradooms gains on you in your weaponless, ammo-less state.

“Roy,” you say, looking down at him, but he’s already looking at you with the same knowing look.

You're both going to die. 

This is it.

You’d already somewhat imagined what it’d be like to die, knowing you most likely weren’t going to make it off the planet alive when you tagged along. However, now that the moment is actually here, you aren’t any more prepared.

“I’m scared,” your voice unwittingly cracks.

You think back to Jason being eaten alive and how you're about to be in the same position and shake your head in distress.

Roy’s face breaks at the sight of you facing the morbid reality of the situation. “Me too,” he winces as he loads his last arrow and aims, “but we have to keep fighting... for Jason.” You nod weakly and glance down with uncertainty at your last weapon: your fists. “Hey,” Roy calls from the floor where he’s trapped between your stance. You look from your fists to the fading green of his half-lidded eyes. “It’s been an honor to know ya, babe.”

“Don’t say that. Not you, too,” your voice wobbles, not ready to face your own mortality. “Not yet.”

The Paradooms are closing in, ready to devour you both whole, but Batman throws you Damian’s sword at the last second. 

You stare down at the blade for a mere second, impressed by the sheer weight of the metal, before bringing it down to effortlessly slash through another swarm of the hellish creatures that had killed so many today.

Roy’s breathing becomes louder and more labored. You know he doesn’t have much longer before he loses consciousness or worse.

You shake yourself from those thoughts as you’re suddenly all thrown back by a boom of red, blinding light.

A red, demonic creature slowly rips open Raven’s stomach and begins crawling from her ribs with an inhumane crack that leaves you wincing. With it, Raven’s crippled body lifts into the air and fully unleashes the one thing she’d been trying to contain the entire time: Trigon.

John attempts to contain the demon, but Trigon quickly overpowers him, snapping his neck easily as his misted form moves to possess Superman’s powerful body. From here, it shifts to a one-on-one fight between Trigon and Darkseid.

This… This is not good.

Raven drops to the floor with her outfit shifting from black to white, as her flesh bouts up, twisting together as it repairs itself. She’s finally free of her father’s evil tethers and the balance in the room seems to once again shift in your team’s favor. You watch as she then crawls over to Damian and revives him with her tears.

At the same time, the spirit of Zatanna, who’d passed at the beginning of the war, kisses John, encasing him in a golden hue as he's also brought back to consciousness. His neck snaps back into place and he groans loudly. John only sees Zatanna for mere seconds and tries to reach out to her but it's in vain. The magician slips back into the underworld before their fingers can meet.

Batman uses all of this pandemonium as a distraction to launch a livestream of Lois Lane across the ship’s video systems.

As Lois Lane’s worried voice begins to warble throughout the ship's command system, Superman starts to fight against Trigon’s overwhelming powers that possess him.

“Superman. Clark,” she whimpers out the last part. “Team beta… We only have a few moments left.” You see Harley Quinn and King Shark preparing to take on the swarm that's about to burst through the glass of their vehicle, but Lois is solely focused on the screen. “We will protect the boom tube that got you to Apokolips until the end, but you need to hurry.”

Superman groans as he fights off Trigon’s powerful influence, but Trigon continues to hold on relentlessly.

“I love you, Clark,” she breathes.

Then, darkness.

It's Lois’s final breath that gives Superman the strength to overpower the demon. Superman releases the demon with a scream that nearly bursts your eardrums. You cover your ears and watch as Trigon quickly forms into his own entity. 

As the battle shifts to Trigon, you can finally focus on Roy’s fading color as you hold his blood-streaked face in your hands with desperate pleas to stay with you.

Your team needs to retreat while there's still a chance. Otherwise, you'll be stuck on Apokolips as its core tears itself apart in a final, violent act.

Suddenly, the entire room is blasted with bright, white light.

At first, you think it's too late. That the whole planet's blown to shit, but no. Trigon had merely used his powers to open a portal to punch Darkseid through. It seems like Darkseid has finally met his match as he takes on one unrelenting punch after the other from Raven’s demon father. 

You think you’re finally in the clear when Batman gets the notification that the entire planet is set to blow in two minutes.

You have to go.

Roy brings his hands to cover yours as your tears spill onto his pale cheeks, “Don’t suppose you have any magic powers based on your love for me that would save me, too?”

You wail achingly at Roy’s shallow breathing.

“We just have to make it through the boom tube, Roy. Please, Roy,” it’s a desperate plea. “We’ve come this far. You can’t leave me now.”

You refuse to lose them both.

He ignores you in favor of responding to himself, “Yeah, didn’t think so.”

You look around desperately for help, eyes falling briefly on the bloodied remains of Jason’s helmet before they find Batman.

Just when you think all hope is lost, Batman meets your panicked eyes with a veil of calmness as he nears you and Roy.

The redhead groans in pain as Batman rushes to your side to help you bear his weight. Together, you walk Roy through the fading light of the boom tube with mere seconds to spare.

A/N: should i be updating ars? yes. did this kick at my brain until i wrote it? also yes

super excited for yall to read the rest! be sure to let me know what u think

[next] || ao3 || pinned || ways to support

[ohumokay]

I saw ur comment on the friend post and even though we have an age gap it baffles me that we seem to be having the same issues in regards to friendships. idk if society has always been cliquey or overly selective of who it lets join in and vice versa. but lately idk whats been up with peoples way of communicating you would think even with all tihs digitalised methods that people would want to but yet it seem no one does either bc theyre so self absorbed or they are "too busy" esp for those that have 100s of friends online but never enough time to every one so some of us sadly get put aside or we just drift apart if they dont align or do enough like i dont even care about gifts and no cards and shit fuck that id rather just have few solid connections than none.

what sucks is the other people who then gloat on their profiles or accounts and ik they "busy" with others. i try to find things in common with others but its so hard sometimes because then you feel like you have to force yourself to genuinely care about shit you dont care about in order to find somewhere to fit in. i recently tried doing online zoom quizzes and they were absolute hell, first off zoom is the worst way to try to feel included in on any sort of group esp when u dont know them right off the bat then these quizzes were god awful to keep up with esp the speedquizzing ones. i only did them cause this was the only way my "friend" would keep in touch long enough w/ me.

its a sad world we are in where people are mostly only interested in themselves, even in school this was the case. idk i just kinda gave up cause i dont think i will ever find who im looking for cause it feels like if im not doing xyz things no one going to care if im not here type thing. yet im tired of finding people only to then feel like they arent pulling their efforts back, again idc for gifts but is it so hard for people to idfk send messages in return or to keep a friendship going? outside of having common interests?

sorry for rambling but i feel like no one really seems to want deep meaningful connections no more. everuthings done for their benefit or for posting online and showcasing it to others their "fake" as fuck connections that they claim to have with people.

Hey... Yeah, I completely understand what you mean. A lot of ppl have shallow ass relationships views nowadays, or avoid real connections.

I think I know which comment you're talking about: the one about my ex-bsf who basically ghosted me. That friendship was not only one sided, but toxic asf. They would shit on my beliefs, make jokes at my expense, and if they were called out for their behavior, they'd say that it didn't matter bcuz they were gonna off themself anyway. It was really shitty, and towards the end, they made it very clear they were a fake friend (literally called themself fake) so I had to cut ties my own way.

I'm sorry your "friend" couldn't compromise in communication. That is such a sucky feeling; trying to keep a friendship afloat, even if the other person isn't. And it's sad that no one in this world can have a normal conversation.

Don't get me wrong, me and the friends I have left (including my new BSF) don't text anything deep. Like, we text all the time, but we usually avoid deep conversations. Not bcuz we can't have meaningful conversation, but bcuz we don't feel comfortable texting; deep shit should be said in person, or,at the bare minimum, over a phone call. So that's why we text pretty shallow, or not at all. But, our friendship is also strong enough to withstand a few days without talking and still being closer than ever.

I understand your exhaustion, for a while I shared your sentiment, but I firmly believe that everyone has a person. A person who they can talk to freely, whenever, without worry of toxicity or emotional distance. A person who is always there with a shoulder to cry on, and advice that one might need to hear, even if they don't want to hear it. A person who will be willing to sit in silence when need be, or rant with them, or simply listens bcuz talking without interruption is therapeutic. A person who is their person, through thick and thin.

And, I know we don't know each other, and have an age gap (tho, idk how large it is), but if you need someone to listen to your rants and rambles, or to talk you through a situation, or to just tell you your heard and appreciated, I'm more than willing. And this goes to anyone who needs it, not just the questioner. I am willing to be a surrogate person until you find your actual person.

I'm not perfect, I might not say the right thing, it might take me a while to respond, but I will always be willing to help a fellow person in need, even over Tumblr ❤️‍🩹

[memepipboy]

In order, which companions would be your favorite to least favorite (also ur great btw)

OOO great question (also no u omg)

Nicholas Valentino - who’da thunk right

Paladin Danse - I really love his story and character progression, at the time of playing it literally blew my mind to learn about danse and go through the story with him, the only thing is that I wish it was more attentive to his voice lines afterward blind betrayal. He also has a fat ass

Hancock - this man literally owns my entire actual heart everytime he talks I’m like uwu who you callin sunshine you little man. He’s a fun traveling companion and adheres most to my play style. I wish he had a personal quest and a little more depth in game but besides that 9/10. Give us a kiss

Dogmeat - dog good. Good boy dog, best big boy

Deacon - dude what a fun guy. He makes me genuinely laugh and is a wild time to keep with you, also interesting person altogether. But because of the whole compulsive liar thing it’s hard to tell if he’s genuine so that makes him a little shallow to me in that aspect, especially with no personal quest, but his personality more than makes up for it

Piper - ok I’m putting piper dead in the center (ish) because I really love her and her quips and snark, but lack of personal quests really kills it for me and I hate it!! She’s such a great character!! MORE DEPTH AND CHANCES FOR INTERACTION PLEASE!! And compared to the other previous companions feels just a little blazé to travel with. But I still love her

Cait - I put Cait in middle ish too because I like her journey of coming out of addiction and how you can change and how she warms up to the player character, but I’ve never travelled with her tbh so I don’t have any stories that make me like attached to her or anything. She’s fun tho I like her accent and spunk

Preston Garvey - LISTEN I LOVE PRESTON but unfortunately the game just be like it is and just makes him a fetch quest guy which SUCKS because he’s genuinely one of the best people in the game and I love his story and who he is but...the game just makes me not wanna talk to him :(

Curie- IVE NEVER TRAVELLED WITH CURIE but I mean, French accent. She’s really really too good for this world and is so nice and caring. Obviously new to the world so kinda naïve but so wholesome. But that’s not who I am I’m here for angst. Love you cutie-pie

Robert MacCready - I really like his backstory and why he’s doing what he’s doing, but the first time I met him he was mean and I was like >:0 and he’s too mean for my play style. We just don’t mesh well. Sorry rob. I think we need to see other people

Codsworth - I love you codsworth but...I just...compared to all the other options I never really have a want to travel with you. I’m sorry. Nothing against you I think you’re cute and a great way to keep the player reminded of who they were prewar

X6-88 - What a cool guy tbh. He has so much more emotion and feeling than what people take him for and I really like him, it’s just, by the time I get to him I’ve been traveling with someone else (nick) for way too long and I’m attached and I’m like...noooo I wanna keep my buddy with me. I wish he had just a little extra meat on his character development bones tho. I think he was done dirty

Strong - where’s the flavor? Where’s the flavor in this? I don’t taste anything

[jimjamthehorrorman]

Everything you write is more perfect than the last khfjdhgldfh I don't wanna spam your inbox but u need to know that i love everything you make~ could I maybe ask for some really cute, really wholesome jason? Maybe like, he shows the reader his face for the first time and they're like "oh shit ur hot" maaaybe some nsfw if ur up to it!

😭💕😭💕😭💕

You got it!

Wholesome 🌹:

Jason is fearful of what you might think. You've been so nice to him that he feels like he has to show you what's under the mask. He fears that you'll hate it. That's why he knows he loves you. He isn't afraid that you'll make fun of him, he's just afraid like the phantom of the opera that you'll be so disgusted by him he'll be left alone to rot with a pit in his stomach where a love once was.

He spent many a night deliberating with his mother as to what he should do, how he would go about it... And then he had a glorious idea.

A candlelit dinner in the cabin!

You find your way to the cabin from his... colorful way of expressing directions.

(He left flowers in an arrow shape along the narrow path leading to the cabin, the white petals floating in the breeze around you. He would choose a beautiful summer night to have you for dinner, the romantic.)

As you climb the steps and knock on the cabin door you hear a bunch of fumbling with the lock. Shaky hands, you think to yourself. The door slides open revealing your hockey-masked mystery man with a bouquet of flowers in his hands.

"Oh Jason that's so sweet!"

You can't see it, but he's beaming ear to ear behind that mask, cheeks pink with love. He lets you in, pulling out your chair and sitting before you with a plate full of your favorite meal. You had only told him about it once, probably six weeks back.

"Jason! I didn't think you'd remember! You're such a sweetheart!"

He chuckles, holding the back of his neck. He looks at you, eyes half full of happy, half full of worry and he fears his glasses my overflow if he doesn't rip it off like a bandaid.

*Snap*

"Jason? What are you doing, Honey?"

*Snap*

"You don't have to take it off unless you're comfortable, Hun."

*Snap*

His mask falls to the cabin floor with a thud. He closes his eyes, awaiting you to just leave. A tear glosses his eyelash and begins to fall as he hears your chair pull out and footsteps.

He gasps. The feeling of your hands on his own and your lips on his cheek was the relief he had begged for since the day his mother, the only one who loved him for him, had died.

"Jason you're as handsome as can be. An absolute stud!"

His blush now visible to the world as you pepper him with kisses. Neither of you care that the meal begins to cool as you end up kissing and talking into the night and snacking on hot dogs by the fire outside. He's free. He's finally free of the mask he's been hiding behind because he found you, and you love him for him.

🌹

NSFW👿:

Arguably the best mistake you ever made was teaching Jason to swim.

You both spend time swimming around during the day but when he invites you to swim after dark you have to wonder what he's up to.

You show up in the usual, your suit/trunks and a towel, and as you're walking through the clearing to the docks, you spot Jason.

He's wading around in the water. In this light you can see the water glistening off of his skin and the way the evening light makes everything look so.. stunning.

As soon as he sees you, he waves like a big goof and hops out of the wat- oh wow he's naked. He's full on birthday suit. The light doesn't hold back on making him look absolutely gorgeous. He's a fit but very thick boy, and watching his large arms lift him out of the water.. your eyes are in for a treat.

He meets you at the beginning of the dock, nearly slipping and catching himself on you.

"Jason you clumsy boy! you could have killed yourself!"

He nods, holding onto you for support as he straightens up.

You can see everything.. Oh no are you staring? Quit staring! Good job now he knows you're looking. He's blushing and only the light from the moon and the mosquito torches remains as the sun finally tucks itself under the horizon.

Jason smiles at you, motioning for you to strip down too.

"Oh I don't know.. I thought we were just going for a swim."

He nods, reaching out for your hand and placing it on his smooth bare chest, he begins to place kisses on your cheek, down to your neck.

"No one can see us out here?"

He shakes his head and as you step back to pull off your clothes, he runs down the dock and jumps into the water, a huge wave coming from his impact.

"I can't believe I'm doing this..."

You get completely naked and slide off the dock into the water with a tiny plunge. Jason takes notice and starts swimming toward you. He throws your arms up on his shoulders and swims around with you on his back.

"Jason, you're a goofball." You place a soft kiss on his cheek to which he winks at you.

After about two hours of splashing at one another, Jason leans you up against the dock at the shallow end and begins kissing you, holding your hips against his own.

You knew where he was going and you certainly weren't going to stop him.

And then he jumps underwater.

"Jason? What are you doi-"

Hands gently push your legs apart and a soft pair of lips brush against your thigh. His mouth completely encompasses your erogenous zones as he begins to prepare you for the finalé. You begin to wonder how long he can breathe underwater when your moans bring him back to the surface, it's time for him to put his body to good use.

He picks you up, holding you with a gentle grasp on your ass as he pushes his massive member inside you. He moans softly as he does the work, letting you hold him in a tight embrace.

Talk about a patient man, he let's this ride go on for hours.. the sun begins barely peaking at the horizon when you both finish in each other's arms.

He carries you back to the cabin where you shower and lay down for a good long time.

Camp Crystal Lake might be your new home if he keeps this up.

~~~

HOPE YOU ENJOY!

[taegis-gf]

A little help from my friend - Part 2

Hiiiii! Part 2, I know this is months apart but I only write when I can!

Part 1 Here!

Word Count - Around 3K

Rated M - warnings: thigh riding,  sex lol

It had only been a day after you and Taehyung had done what you did before he texted you.

It was like he wasn’t even bothered about what you had done and you hadn’t stopped thinking about it, it had consumed your every moment for the past 24 hours, you sighed loudly as you glanced at the text.

Movie night at Namjoons!!! hope ur coming!!

How was he back to being his same old self with you so fast?

After about 5 minutes of staring blankly at your wall, your phone buzzed again. As you looked down it was a text, from Jungkook this time.

hey, hope ur coming to namjoon’s, i want to see u :)

You let out a long groan of frustration, you were going to go to this stupid movie night.

*

As you arrived at Namjoon’s doorstep you took a deep breath, this didn’t have to be weird if you didn’t make it, right? Nothing had changed between you and Taehyung, at least that’s what you tried to convince yourself as you knocked on Namjoon’s door.

“Y/N!” Namjoon greets you warmly, pulling you in for a hug.

“Hey Namjoon, did I miss the start of the movie?” You asked, knowing your internal debate had caused you to be late.

“No no of course not, you know how we are, we haven’t even picked the damn movie yet.” He laughed as you followed him down to his basement which had been renovated into a small but decent living space where you all liked to hang out from time to time.

As you followed him down the stairs and into the space you quickly glanced around to see the two small couches already being taken up by 5 boys, Namjoon had his own chair that he didn’t let anyone sit on, so there you were standing like an idiot with nowhere to sit. You played it off, going to sit on the ground.

“Woah!” Jimin – you knew him but definitely not as well as Namjoon and Taehyung – started, “I saved you a seat right here Y/N.” he said tapping his lap. You scoffed and rolled your eyes “In your dreams Park.”

“Oh, you are.” He said, smirking at you. Why are men disgusting?

“Hey if there’s anyone’s lap you should be sitting on, it’s Jungkook’s, am I right?” Namjoon chimed in and you could have slapped him then and there.

You glanced at Jungkook who gave you a small smile and you couldn’t help as your eyes glanced to Taehyung for a small second who had his face buried in his phone, typical.

“You mind?” you said looking at Jungkook.

“You want to sit on m-my lap?” He asked stuttering a little, his eyes widening.

“No you idiot,” You scoffed. “I just meant can I sit on the floor where your sitting and lean my back against the couch.”

“So you want to get in between his legs?” Jimin asked, still smirking.

As you sat on the floor you just rolled your eyes, boys were tiring.

Taehyung, however, who was usually the nosiest in any room at any given time, was being eerily quiet, acting like his phone screen was the most interesting thing in the world. You let out a small sigh, you really hoped it wasn’t because of what you had asked of him.

As the boys finally agreed on a movie and turned off the lights you asked Namjoon if he had any snacks.

“There might be some in the kitchen, go up and check.” He said casually. 

Namjoon had said a long time ago that he wasn’t treating anyone that came to his house like guests otherwise he wouldn’t get a moments peace, so if you wanted something you were getting it yourself.

You got up and started walking up the stairs, making your way to the kitchen you didn’t even realise Taehyung had been behind you until you turned only to be a few centimetres away from his face.

“Jesus Taehyung you scared me half to death.” You said after nearly jumping out of your skin.

“Sorry,” he said giving you a small smile, “just decided I wanted something sweet to eat.” And you could have sworn he said it in such a way, you were the something sweet he was referring to.

“Oh.” Was all you said, before turning your back to him, opening a cupboard. You spotted some cookies on the top shelf and decided to reach for them, as suspected you were too short and after a small struggle, you felt Taehyung press behind you, his crotch pushing into your ass for a short second before he grabbed the cookies and moved away from you again. 

“Can you stop that.” You said, your cheeks heating.

“Stop what?” Taehyung asked, feigning innocence. 

“You know exactly what you’re doing Taehyung!” You said, feeling frustrated.

Taehyung walked forward, pinning you against the counter.

“This is so stupid, but… I cannot stop thinking about you. What have you done to me? Do you have a magic pussy?” He asked, breathing heavy.

You could’ve laughed if he hadn’t been standing so close to you, moving in slowly, putting his lips to your neck in short sweet kisses.

“Taehyung, give it a rest…we can’t do this…Jungkook…”

“I don’t mind sharing,” Taehyung said, still working on your neck.

“I know your freaky ass doesn’t, but I doubt Jungkook would be happy about this.”

You could barely concentrate on what you were saying as Taehyung kissed and licked at your neck, pressing his clothed crotch against yours.

“Hmm you are so pure, I can’t stop thinking about how I wrecked you, are you sore?” He asked.

You were a little, Taehyung had made you sure you felt what had happened. 

You gave him a small nod.

“That pretty pussy of yours took me so well, you did amazing for your first time.”

You couldn’t believe how bold Taehyung was being with his words but truth be told, you loved it.

You wanted so bad to egg him on, to have him take you out to his car and fuck you until you couldn’t remember your own name.

Like he was reading your mind, he spoke, “How do you feel about car sex?”

You let out a small moan as he looked at you his pupils blown out.

“Such a pretty sound.” He said.

“Fuck…Tae…I can’t. It was a one-time thing. I did this so I could finally get the courage to fuck Jungkook, remember?”

Taehyung frowned a little.

“I know.” He said sighing a little. “But it was so fucking hot. I didn’t know it was going to be like that.”

You groaned a little.

“Taehyung…we have to go back downstairs people will begin to wonder where we are.”

“Okay okay,” He said, finally moving away from you, but you couldn’t lie, you already missed the feeling of him against you.

You took a deep breath, trying to compose yourself.

As you both walked downstairs you tried to act casual, even pretending to look at your phone as you walked towards where you were sitting.

“What’d you get?” Namjoon asked and you waved the cookies in the air before throwing them to him, you didn’t feel hungry for food anymore.

“Sweet!” He said ripping open the packet like some primal animal.

“Y/N!” You heard Taehyung say. “Come sit on my lap, at least it’s not weird that way.” 

You were going to kill him. If you protested too hard people would wonder why - you and Taehyung had always been comfortable with each other.

You looked behind at Jungkook and he simply shrugged, not seeming too bothered.

You let out a heavy sigh as Namjoon switched the lights off again, trying to find your way over to Taehyung in the darkness, you reached out your hands. Taehyung responded by grabbing them and pulling you down to him. You fell into him awkwardly, grunting in annoyance.

“I don’t know what you’re hoping to gain from this.” You hissed at him, keeping your voice low. Luckily it was dark, and the movie was loud.

Taehyung let you adjust yourself and once you had perched yourself at the edge of his knee, you sighed heavily, this was exhausting.

Before you could even realise what was happening Taehyung began shaking his knee causing you to spread your legs to plant your feet on the floor so you wouldn’t fall. Your core landed directly onto Taehyung’s meaty thigh and you nearly groaned out loud, this boy was smart.

Taehyung leaned forward, “I’m so glad you wore that little skirt, do me a favour and move your panties to the side.”

You took a shallow breath, surely he can’t be serious?

“Do it for me, baby, just shift them over a little.”

You nervously looked around, no one was looking at you.

As if a woman possessed you quickly lifted a little and did what Taehyung had asked, moving the lace to the side so that your core laid bare on Taehyung’s jeans. You quickly retrieved your hand from such an inappropriate place, what the fuck was wrong with you?

Taehyung just watched you, feeling so turned on he nearly came in his boxers.

“Good girl, now use me.” Was all he said.

You hesitated, far too nervous to even do anything let alone grind yourself on his thigh.

Taehyung shifted his thigh and little and felt the full sensation of his thigh against your bare core.

And fuck did it feel good, you moved your hips a little, keeping a slow and steady pace, you could not risk getting caught.

Just a few days before you had never done anything sexual in your life, how did you end up here?

“Come on babe, ride me properly.” 

Jesus Christ, it took everything in your being not to moan.

You picked up the pace a little, you were practically dripping onto Tae’s thigh. 

You needed more, you needed him inside you, this wasn’t enough.

“What’s wrong? Why are you slowing down?” He whispered in your ear.

You were so turned on you didn’t even care how crude you were being when you whispered back.

“I want you- your ya know…” You practically whined.

Taehyung couldn’t get both of you up fast enough and then all eyes were on you both.

You tried your hardest to look normal, but you weren’t sure if it worked.

“Guy’s I’m just going to drive Y/N home then come back, she said she thinks she’s getting a migraine.”

A valid excuse, considering you did get them frequently. Taehyung was a good liar.

“I can drive you home Y/N.” Jungkook piped up and you immediately felt guilt. What the fuck had you been thinking sneaking away with Taehyung? You felt so stupid being blinded by lust, you were better than that.

“Yeah, that would be great Jungkook. Thanks.” You said.

“But-” Taehyung began to protest and you shoved an elbow into his ribs. 

Jungkook smiled at your agreement, standing up and leading you upstairs.

Your phone began to ding and you already knew who it was.

You quickly glanced at your phone, scanning just a few messages.

U know our fuck was gonna be  sooooo good!!!

Cnt believe u left w him THAT horny

Wait…ur not gonna fuck him… r u?????

You nearly laughed out loud, turning your attention away from your phone and focusing on the back of Jungkook’s head. As you followed him out to his car you grew a little frustrated you had basically blue-balled yourself, you had been so close to coming just a few mere minutes ago.

“You okay?” Jungkook asked.

“Yeah, I’m fine.” You quipped.

Horny was an understatement. 

As you got into Jungkook’s car you found yourself unable to keep your eyes off him, watching the veins in his arms as he changed gears, watching the concentration on his face as he kept his eyes forward. He was stunning and you no longer had the fear that was holding you back the last time.

As he pulled up at your apartment you felt insatiable.

“Do you wanna come in?” You asked him casually.

“I thought you had a headache?” He said, his eyebrows furrowing, you noted how cute he looked doing that.

“Yeah, I kind of do, but I still wouldn’t mind some company.” You pouted. “We could watch a movie or something, maybe finish the one that was on in Namjoon’s.”

Jungkook nodded slowly unsure what you were really getting at.

“Yeah sounds good.” He said.

As you led him into your apartment you shut the door and watched him as he settled himself on the couch. He had on jeans this time around, tight around his thighs you noticed how much they accentuated the shape. Fuck was the only thought you could muster. You could still feel the wetness that had gathered at your entrance and you wanted nothing more than to finish what you started, even though it had been Taehyung who had started it.

“So what do you wanna watch?” He asked, he was shifting about a little, he looked almost uncomfortable and you wondered why.

“I don’t know, were you enjoying the movie at Namjoon’s? I’m sorry I dragged you away.” You said as you sat next to him, not too close but close enough so you were nearly touching his side. 

You were being tactile, but you couldn’t help yourself.

“It’s fine, I wasn’t paying any attention to it, for the most part, I was thinking about how jealous I was of Taehyung the whole time.” He said, still looking forward.

Your eyes widened in surprise, you knew he hadn’t seen what you had been doing, but if the mere thought of you with Taehyung had made him jealous…

God you were so turned on it was bordering sinful.

“You know…” You began. “If you wanted me to sit on your lap all you had to do was ask Jungkook.” You said, smiling-what you hoped looked-seductively at him.

It was Jungkook’s turn to look surprised.

You took your chance to straddle him again. You were ready this time and the excitement boiled in your stomach making your core throb. 

Jungkook kept his hands at his side for a moment, a little bit stunned at your actions.

But when you bent your head to kiss him he slowly raised them to your hips once again putting you in the same position you had been in a few nights ago. 

“I’m sorry about the other night.” You said breathily between kisses.

“I didn’t mean to leave things like that, truth be told I just got scared.” You admitted, breaking away a little to see his reaction. 

Jungkook just smiled at you sweetly.

“I’m relieved to hear that, if I’m being honest I thought you’d lost interest after kissing me, I thought you didn’t find me attractive or something…” He trailed off.

God was he serious? You had made someone as beautiful as him feel inferior?

“No god no, are you kidding me? Have you seen you?” You rambled

But Jungkook merely chuckled, more than eager to kiss you again, he closed the space between you once more.

Jungkook kissed you so intensely it made your damn head spin.

You didn’t know what was turning you on more, the feeling of his tongue in your mouth or the fact that his hands how now made their way down to your ass.

As you both found a comfortable rhythm you found yourself getting so worked up you started to grind down on Jungkook’s noticeably hardening cock.

A small moan left your lips as you finally got some relief and Jungkook copied your sound clearly loving the sensation as well.

“God you know how long I’ve been waiting for this?” Jungkook moaned in between kissed.

“Definitely not as long as I have.” You replied, struggling to get your breath back.

You mewled a little, grinding down onto him more, you could not get enough of him.

You slowly pulled away, to pull off your shirt and leave you in your bra, it wasn’t anything fancy but the look on Jungkook’s face could tell you it was more than enough.

“Do you know how sexy you are?” He asked his breathing was heavier now, he looked flushed and a light sheen of sweat was beginning to appear above his brows.

“Hmmmmmmm, I could say the same about you.” You said as you removed yourself from his lap, standing up you began shedding more clothes and started moving towards your bedroom, Jungkook couldn’t get up fast enough, following you whilst shedding his clothes, when you opened your bedroom door you felt him grab at your waist walking with you over to the bed you both lay down Jungkook on top, only in his underwear now and you boldly decided to reach down and palm at his length.

Jungkook let out a moan of relief finally getting some real friction.

You rolled him over and took your place straddling his hips, looking at him you reached down and pulled down his boxers finally freeing him.

“Are you sure you wanna do this?” He asked, his chest was heaving as he stared at the image of your hand holding his hard dick.

“Hmmm.” Was all you said as you glided your hand slowly back and forth over him.

 You slid your flimsy underwear to the side and began to slowly lower yourself onto him, gasping at the sensation as you began to have sex for the second time in your life. 

Jungkook let out a low groan as you finally took in his full length.

“Please,” Jungkook whined as he opened his mouth in pleasure.

You slowly began to move, not entirely sure what to do in this new position, rotating your hips for a few seconds to adjust to the pressure, it wasn’t long before Jungkook grabbed your hips and thrust into you.

“Fuck, keep doing that.” You said as he began to piston his hips.

You both got lost in each other as your pleasure began to build, it wasn’t long before Jungkook flipped you over and began fucking you into the bed. You bit down on your lip to keep yourself from being as loud as you wanted to be. 

“I wanna hear you, babe, don’t hold out on me.” He said, panting and smiling.

“Please fuck me harder…feel’s so fucking good.” 

Jungkook let out a groan at the sound of your words happily obliging to your request.

He thrusted harder and faster and you could feel your orgasm approaching.

Jungkook reached his hand down and began rubbing at your clit sloppily but it was enough for you to let out a small yelp, your pleasure intensifying.

“Want you to come for me, please, I’m so close,” Jungkook said.

“Me too, ah fuck- I’m so close too.” You replied through moans.

Jungkook was slowing down but the pressure on your clit grew rougher and you bucked your hips up chasing your orgasm that was about to crash down on you at any moment.

“Fuck fuck fuck fuck!” You half yelled as you orgasm washed over you.

You were so lost in the immense pleasure you felt you couldn’t even focus on the feeling of Jungkook pulling out of you only to come all over your stomach you only smiled at the feeling.

As you slowly came back to reality Jungkook spoke first.

“I made such a mess baby I’m sorry.”

“Mmmm, don’t worry, it felt good.” You replied. You slowly reached a finger down and rubbed into on your stomach picking up a little bit before popping your finger into your mouth relishing in the taste.

“Oh fuck.” Was all Jungkook could manage, his breathing still heavy.

You laughed a little, mind fleeting back to Taehyung for a minute you silently thanked him before following Jungkook into the shower.

[tired-toby]

it's been nearly a year since my first suicide attempt, since the worst summer of my fucking life that i STILL CANT REMEMBER.

and i feel like i've gone nowhere

i'm still the same piece of shit who couldn't even acknowledge the people she hurt, who still tries to victimize herself when she's anything but the victim, who is wasting the time of everyone around her

i know all this. i know these flaws. i'm self-aware and that makes it worse because despite everything i do i feel like i haven't gotten any better, like i haven't improved at all and if anything i've just sunk deeper into this pit

and it's not like i haven't had people reach out!

my math teacher has kept up with me the WHOLE YEAR yet time and time again i let myself fall short.

i want to be better. i need to be better, for the people that are here now and for those that i've hurt in the past.

for my guinea pigs. for my rats. for my dogs. for everyone.

yet here i am just fucking wallowing, crying on an empty blog that no one will read or give a shit about because it's just me.

i graduate soon. well. i /might/ graduate soon

god

i've fallen so far.

my friends are going to harvard, to mit. i feel like i'm just going to a shallow grave.

i wish things were easy, that i could take a few pills and just be /better./ i want to stop feeling this way, i just want to feel better. i've changed my ways! i only drink water, i eat healthier, i walk my dogs for two hours every day, i've taken up new and old hobbies. but i still fall into slumps, i feel like i am a slump.

i've barely told anyone but i haven't felt like myself in weeks and i'm so fucking scared. i feel like i don't know who i am anymore and the coping mechanisms that i've used to try and feel like myself aren't working like they used to. i feel like im fragmented and being pulled apart at the seams. maybe i'm giving myself too much credit

a overfilled trash bag thats splitting and spilling nothing but garbage

that's better.

i'm just overdramatic

i'm just tired

i even have a healthy sleep schedule, did i mention that? in bed by 10, up by 7. i walk my sister to the bus stop almost everyday.

i thought i did everything right. why doesn't it work why aren't i better why am i still the same asshole why am i no one why am i nothing why can't i just be better why am i not fucking dead

55 days until i'm 18

54 until the night i became the world's greatest failure

what kind of idiot fails to kill themself? twice, at that?

i feel like i'm faking this. i read these words i type and i cry and if eel like im faking it. that i'm doing it for attention. i'm manipulative, i lie to emotionally abuse people

i know this and i'm probably doing it now

seems like something i'd do

my mom says my laptop will be back soon, finally repaired. i don't think i mentioned it here but the harddrive broke and i lost everything

stories. hundreds of thousands of words and i WISH that was an exaggeration

my fucking POKEMON. ALL MY GODDAMN POKEMON!!! I BEAT SOUL SILVER WITH JUST AN AMPHAROS AND ITS FUCKING GONE. MARILYN IM SORRY. NOT TO MENTION ALL MY OTHER SAVES

all my art. all those sketches. i've barely drawn since, nothing feels right anymore. not like i know where my art tablet is anyway :/ that's just

gone

everything's gone

once i have a laptop again, i think i'll be happier. i hope i'm happier. my life is there, my happiness is there. it's not healthy to stare at a screen for who knows how many hours of a day but it makes me happy

i want to have fun with graey again. the weeks we'd spend just playing minecraft and stardew and we haven't been able to do anything because i'm just on my phone and a shitty school laptop that can't even run google and word at the same time

i don't know what i'm going to do. this whole thing is a mess, just so much bullshit. and it's barely the tip of the iceberg

i didn't even mention how my dad found another rope in my brother's room. part of me hopes it's not what i think it is and some part of how i once opened his girlfriend's snapchat and found him listed as daddy

fucking discord moderator lookin' ass. it's the trauma innit

i'm doing dnd again. it's not full campaigns, just one-shots with the sewer rats every other weekend or so where i dm and they can have fun.

i like making them happy

i love all of them. they're my family. caesar, crypt, xeno, cat, moe, roo, blink, cig, fox, graey, even fed and ag. if it weren't for you guys, i'd be nothing. i'd be gone.

caesar, you've been with me through everything. i wouldn't be here if you weren't there for me. i'm glad we're getting close again, i've missed your company

i'm glad i'm the one you tag when you see if anyone wants to watch u stream :)

crypt, for all the shit i give you i love you. when are we going to finish mamma mia together u rat ass bitch

xeno u are one of the funniest motherfuckers i've met, even if u are a literal fetus. whenever i see u join vc im always so fucking hyped

cat why r u so fucking racist. when r we gonna play phasmo

moe stop touching kids.

roo i am not gonna lie sometimes u feel like my mom i s2g granted u are geriatric so maybe that makes u my grandma. point still stands, also when r we gonna plot wren and dhova i want my twink-turned-twunk

blink i still need to dm u back give me a sec.

cig u are also a fetus but u are one of my FAVORITE people to brainstorm and plot with. UR BRAIN IS SO WRINKLY AND UR ALWAYS SO RESPONSIVE IT MAKES ME SO HAPPY!!

fox. ANOTHER FETUS. but also an amazing dm and just?? ur so creative. U ARE SO CREATIVE. UR CHARACTER DESIGN. UR ART SKILLS. ur so underappreciated?

graey when r we having the dildo battle. i will come to alaska and live in a shack in the woods with ur nasty unshowering ass if it means i get to punch u in the face irl and laugh abt the usual bullshit with you.

fed stop being british it's literally so gross idk how u do it. if u stop being british i'll stop bullying u abt ur terrible typing skills

ag u are just. cool. like if i had to pin someone as like the 'cool/chill' person of the sewers it would 100% be u i am ngl. play roblox cats with me u fucking coward

enough of being sappy. they need to stop accusing me of being a lesbian I AM NOT A LESBIAN

ok

im happy again

thinking about them makes me happy

in other news celestial bodies by ghost data is a nice song

[weaselle]

I’m gonna do my research for Stone Punk live here

(maybe that will keep me from chasing will-o-the-wisps like I’ve been doing on this research forever )

Anyway, it was warm and wet and India was crashing into Asia way faster than continents usually move (the collision created the most enormous and tall mountain range on the globe and India is STILL plowing into Asia at the same speed your fingernails grow)

Apes were just starting to become a thing, on their 45+ million year trajectory to produce Homo Sapiens. The world was full of wide shallow warm seas, and it was going to glaciate and chew them up until some of them were us. I’m just catching you up real quick

So, something like 16 million years ago orangutan prototypes split off from the simian group and started becoming their own thing. Around 13 million years ago Gorillas went their own way. We were dissipating as the great Tethys Sea disappeared.

see how a bunch of Eurasia and Africa are underwater? That’s the Tethys Sea. Look at India hauling ass up Africa’s coast, like, NOBODY else even manages to change position. Personally, I think there were simians living along that very collision line and humans were directly born out of the resulting chaos, but that’s easily a whole other essay.

So around 8 million years ago the pre-chimpanzees left the family, and then around 5 million years ago, something interesting happens.

see, at that time the Mediterranean sea had dried up completely. I can’t remember for sure, but I think it was this loss of such a nearby source of humidity that destabilized Saharan Africa into cycles of desert and greenery.

Anyway, around 5 million years ago we begin to get a proliferation of promising proto human apes in Africa. I’m pretty sure we started walking and running through what had been jungle but was now savanna and grassland on it’s way to becoming desert for the first time. An early, bestial humanity. Like, the famous Lucy is about 3 million years old. Okay. And at some point around this time is when some of us discover things like fire and how to make decent stone tools. And by around 1 million years ago, we had the first being I would accept into the human family. late stage Homo Erectus, which has more lately been divided into sub classifications like Homo Heidelbergensis.

After first developing 2 million years ago Homo Erectus or their descendants have become basically people, the Homo of about a million years ago is upright, using fire and tools, possibly doing some art or ceremony, probably pretty hairless (I have a theory about our skin: mud bathing; look at every other wallowing creature, rhino, hippo, elephant, pig... anyway). Their brains are the same size as ours, their language centers are developing strongly (we can tell by taking impressions of the insides of their skulls, rather like rubbing a pencil over a note pad to see what was written last). These are a kind of people.

NOW. Things are starting to get a lot colder, and not just that, but the globe is going to start going into these huge slow swings of cold to hot and back, and those swings are going to split our sister species from the homo log like boards, and one of those planks will be us. Denisovan are going to split off right around 900 thousand years ago (or 900 kya) and the people who would turn into Neanderthal went their way somewhere around 400-500 kya.

There are a couple close relatives we’re still discovering, but between 100 kya and 300 kya you get this variance in the swing

see where from 250 kya to 150 kya it doesn’t go AS cold OR AS warm, but it does squeeze like a mini extra cycle in there? That’s where we come from. Personally, I think we held the beach.

I think humans have been on volcaninc islands and colliding coasts since the first simians 50 million years ago. I think the very first humans that would become true homo sapiens were surviving in a niche of exposed continental shelves like Sundaland and Doggerland and off the East coast of Asia and the whole West side of India. Here, look

see all that pale flat stuff around Florida and Mexico in the gulf? That’s continental shelf that would have been exposed prime real estate at the height of glaciations. And it’s huge, like the whole state of Florida is just a small portion of the shelf it’s on. Here look at this

That’s China at the top and Australia at the bottom and aaaaallll that pale part in the ocean would have been a vast habitable zone called Sundaland.

And here, look at how much of Europe would have been out of the water

That’s Doggerland. Sure SOME of it would have been covered by glaciers, but still, huge amount of land. 

It would appear and disappear every 100 thousand years or so, but about 200 kya it sort of stuttered, and, I think, this is when humans held our beach, and came into our own. I mean, that’s about where we appear in time. I think Denisovans and Neanderthal and other sister species had to come way off the beach, and learn to live in the mountains and on the tundra and wherever each time the continental shelves flooded, but we got to stay, even though it was still very hard with a lot of flooding and changes. More chaos, essentially. 

ANYWAY around 130 kya the last big glacier crunch started. I think a time that should have relieved pressure on inland populations of our sister species by opening new uninhabited territories was now just aiding a surviving competitor of theirs: us. We were already in those lands, and expanded right along with them. By 15 kya the shelves were at their largest and most developed, and about to flood catastrophically.

Okay, we’re almost caught up.

What my prehistorical fiction novel Stone Punk proposes is: What if our sister species were basically the fantasy races, the dwarves and elves and giants and things. Homo Sapiens at this time would be mostly wild tribes, fierce and smart and adaptable, often used as servants, workers, or soldiers (after all, our skeletal morphology shows all the classic signs of domestication).

And what if there were kingdoms in all those lowlands, and what if those kingdoms were connected by sea and exposed land bridges into a global empire. This empire had all the old secrets, knowledge of the stars and sea, math, commerce, some decent science for the time, agriculture, all kinds of things, and they were run from the grasslands of Sundaland.

There would be almost no evidence, it’s all 300 feet below sea level now.

Anyway, the plot of the book (series?) centers around the fact that the Toba supervolcano eruption around 70kya destabilized this empire. As the globe prepares to flood worse than ever before, our main characters are on a quest to regain the old secrets of the stars (and therefore complex hundred-thousand-year weather patterns) from the ruins of the empire’s golden age, on a quest that takes them from the Dwarf Families of the West to the River Elves of the South. From the Mercenary Tribes of the Middle Plains to the Mountain Wizards of the North East and even across the Rainbow Bridge (where the northern lights dance over the ice that grows and shrinks) to the hidden lands of the Far West.

They’re on an adventure to save the accumulated knowledge of all the kinds of humanity, and through it, themselves. And the outcome blends smoothly into our known history of the development of the first city states like Ur, run by god kings who were human but not human. 

So now you’re caught up. I’m currently researching the effects of the Toba Eruption, more on that next time.

@bexminx​

@puhlease-i-live-supernatural​

[ssaalexblake]

star wars spoilers

ros spoilers

move onnnn

like actual proper major spoilers and i’m making this intro long in case mobile decides to hate read mores today

... 

...

Anyway like, i am a Shallow sw viewer who isn’t actually likely to kick up a fuss abt what i didn’t like in any serious way even tho i got issues, But i wanna say what i really liked b/c?? there were moments in that movie with themes i Loved and i don’t wanna be negative nancy for this franchise because i am actually incapable of taking it seriously tbh no matter how wtf or wild it is and i just Gotta;

First of all. The entire franchise was worth Rey it for calling Leia Master. 

like, they added her in best as they could, which wasn’t fabulous but i can’t really say how they’d work their way around that tbh so i’m not gonna rag on abt the Leia plot But god they proper confirmed she was a Legit Jedi thank u V much.

Chewie!!! Got!!! his!!! medal!!!

they put porgs in the movie, it was my only request and i recieved. i am content. 

also the effects on old palps were Incredible and Creepy and!!! props to the vis effects teams

also s/o to the choreographer who planned out rey’s fighting style to look like gymnastic tumbles but with a murderous glow stick. love it.

idk what extended sw canon now says about force powers being able to heal But the old eu book shatterpoint is one of my faves and i loved the inclusion that Rey can just like. Heal. 

also lol i heard daisy ridley on the radio this morning and she was supposed to be requesting songs to air but didn’t know the names of them and i have Never related to anybody more than i did in that moment. 

look ok, that rey and kylie could literally fight each other when not in the same room was Really Cool ok

tho i would have Paid to have seen the pov of an outsider while they had lightsaber battles from miles away tbh b/c that would have been Wild

i had one Horrified moment where i thought the ‘rise of skywalker’ thing was a Pun about kylie dragging his ass up from that hole and u have No Idea how thankful i was @ the Rise sequence

also i, a massive mace windu fan, was Ecstatic his voice was present in the proceedings

which were A) tacky and B) Abdolutely my favourite thing ever. 

it’s a space opera ok i am allowed to Want to be here for the tacky heartwarming shit

‘is that the navy??!?!?!?!?@ ‘ no sir... it’s.. .People’ was one of the funniest yet heartwarming sequences in anything ever ngl

HORSE WARTHOGS

inexplicable lin manuel miranda cameo

rey’s temper explained due to the fact that she is related to... Vilanelle

and look ok, i Always hated the idea of Rey being related to the skywalkers and Any crap meta that she had to be family for it to Count properly. It was an insult to found family, any form of adoption etc etc and i am.. Actually very mollified by this familial turn of events lol. It has a certain symmetry. and sw is literally built on the idea that history repeats but... different. 

i was’t against rey being related to anybody, i just didn’t want her to be a skywalker because like... she was gonna Be a skywalker b/c legacy isn’t about blood, and uh... least i was right. i am naturally happy abt this. 

also when i watched tlj the first time i was CONVINCED at the end of the movie she’d raise luke’s x wing from the depths as yoda did for luke in esb, and was Super off put that i was wrong. I was not wrong just... my timing was off. luke rose the x wing for her. ur yoda now luke. deal with it. 

the other ex storm troopers who laid down their weapons!!! all of them!!! fin is not alone, they only have power by making you think you are alone!!! 

i Really loved that thematic thread btw

also richard e grant’s performance was actually kind of chilling

but i am glad that i can still happily say that every character in sw Is a total unmitigated idiot. All of them. Stupid. Idiot rights. Yes, this is a plus point. 

i also liked that it’s Kind of obvious hamill and ford picked up slack for what Would have been carrie’s scenes??? Like, it’s horrible she’s not there but they obviously care to do that in her stead. it’s sad but makes you smile. 

as much as i’m not a kyle fan and never will be, and as much as i am not a fan of the ship, i can’t say there there weren’t decent thematic threads around the rey and kylie plot. Her symbolically killing kylie in a fit of rage, actively actually rising to his bait, realising as luke did in the roj climax that she had let the dark side get the better of her But having the power to take that Back and heal him and Stop even after she’d done something. It’s like the originals but not. And so, kylo is dead and Solo walks again. Was this plot My thing? No. But i appreciate the symbolism of him being stabbed through the stomach like he did to Han, and i appreciate the contrast of her actions after doing that versus His after he did it. What a difference. 

i said this wasn’t a complaint post but u wanna know the worst part abt the movie??? how cheap the sith dagger looked. surely u can do better than that???

anyway, 3po’s red eyed when he translated the sith was hilarious tbh. 

also hilarious: sw’s response to hiring Another brown haired white lady was to Only show her eyes in a way that was Incredibly conspicuous and was therefore unintentionally hilarious. 

Finn is Explicitly force sensitive now and it’s over for y’all 

wedge!!!

like... the sith amphitheater???  with the ghosties of all sith past (i think??? my interpretation anyway) was Genuinely creepy??? 

this is a Bit of a side note, but Luke was Perfectly in tune with tlj luke??? Because tlj luke changed tune before the end of That movie when he gucci booted his astral ass to distract kylie, him Saying his fear was wrong was merely verbal confirmation of what was portrayed in tlj. really. That’s not them backing away from tlj, it’s afffirming it. 

i really loved that hux just got That death. I liked  that while he Was used for ridiculous comic relief, the narrative did not forget he was just straight up evil. 

L A N D O

that i all. that’s the point. just lando.

sheev palpatine’s late entry for Shittiest parent/paternal figure in the sw universe Was at the eleventh hour but by god did he give it his all to win the competition. 

things only relevant to cm fans: they killed kate callahan’s husband!!! :((((

critics are slamming them for like, hardly killing anybody but I for one am happy they didn’t go grimdark and just went. Fuck it, we’re gonna keep being bullheadedly optimistic and most everybody lives, deal with it.

s/o to that gay moment that lasted like 2 solid seconds but i’d have preferred it if she’d been like, making out w/ chewie tbh.

that hug!! the trio hug!! my ot3!!! that i am even more convinced would Properly work as an ot3, too btw. Poe spent the whole movie jealous finn is into Rey, while confused abt it b/c He’s also kinda into Rey in that han/leia Tension kinda way, but Finn is also into Poe but not in the Puppy way he is with Rey, in the ‘i am so in love w/ you i don’t realise it but i trust you with the world’ kinda thing and Rey also has the Tension thing w/ Poe and would do anything for Finn but she’s like... Busy. B/c like, unfortunate family reunions and the awkwardness of being a millennial Actually offered a decent job that your morals do not allow you to take and the crisis that leaves u with. 

anyway what i’m saying is the ot3 is Sailing in my head. look how it ended!!! Sailing. 

however, i would like it known that the lady at the end Should have heard the word skywalker and Run for the hills. missed a chance. 

But also Rey Did find that family of hers Maz told her she’d get ahead of her!!! i hate how many ppl say that was dropped or forgotten. like wtf??? what are finn and poe and chewie and bb8 and 3po and all the army of droids that love her and all the resistance that does too??? Luke and Leia??? y’all obsessed with blood when it comes to sw. She’s got her family. 

now i Could make a complaints post but i just... I’ll leave that to everybody else and their mothers for now bc they’d be better at it anyway. I liked This stuff. Except for that point about the dagger. that sucked. 

[borisbubbles]

Eurovision 2010s: 30 - 26

30. Nika Kocharov & Young Georgian Lolitaz - “Midnight Gold” Georgia 2016

When rating Eurovision entrants, it’s important to also take note of the journey, and Nika Kocharov had one of the best ever? Similarly to The Shin, everyone was just about:blank towards “Midnight gold”, not understanding the concept and ranking it last in unison. Like Shin & Mariko, I was mostly intrigued and willing to give it a chance. Unlike the Shin though, I thought “Midnight Gold��� was a good song for its genre, just not one I was that entheused by. The revamp, which provided the setting of a mad scientist’s laboratory, was a step in the right direction, providing a hint of entropy, a dash of absurdity, a spark of insanity.  And then, at long last, the dénouement:

STAINS OF MUD

ON UR SKIN

THE NIGHT WILL COME

AND SO WILL SIN

Winning LIFE *and* everyone over with that <3 I don’t think ANYONE could have anticipated that “Midnight gold” would deliver a non-stop absynthe-minded ACID TRIP in Stockholm. 😍   The visuals were so ICONIC they are still setting the special effects bar in the present day. This is Sacha Jean-Baptiste’s best staging. Period. Not “Euphoria”. Not “Alter ego”. Not “Fuego”. "Midnight gold”. BY FAR. Would it be even considered a stretch to go as far as saying that “Midnight Gold” has the best staging of any Eurovision entrant to date? I don’t think it does, but it is definitely a contender. 

Who would have thought that THIS song would become one of the more memorable, epic entries of a great year such as 2016? Of course the flawless staging also made me retroactively appreciate “Midnight gold” as a song as well and I regularly give it play time whenever I can. 😍 STAINS OF MUD. 

ps: I don’t care about fashion much, but I want his hat.

________________________________________________________________

29. Naviband - “Story of my life” Belarus 2017

[2017 Review here]

HEY HEY! HAYAYAYA HO!

What superlatives can I still use for describe the pure, unshattering LIGHT that is “Historija majho zyccia”? It leaks mirth from every pore, infecting everyone around it with the irresistable urge to tap their feet along to the HEY HEY HA JA JA HO’s!

At the center of this wonderful hovercraftian masterpiece lie Artiom and Ksenia, two of the most adorable humans ever to exist, who are also a couple irl and it shows. The two have chemistry and charisma in spades, especially Ksenia who is the living embodiment of the “^__^” emoji. I am ALWAYS happy when I listen to this song and I am thrilled we got to hear it twice. 

Eurosnob contempt for happiness is a well-documented feature in this ranking, but it reached its nadir with Naviband: You see, in addition to being ‘A Happy Song’ (a term used with contempt, imagine that O_O), Naviband are also folk singers from Belarus, who -shocker- sing in Belarusian.  However, don’t be harsh on the Eurosnobs because the area of the dopamine receptors in the brain of a Naviband hater are always attached to a person who isn’t living happily ever after. Naviband is life at its best. EMBRACE IT. Like this Lithuanian frump did:

________________________________________________________________

28. Måns Zelmerlöw - “Heroes” Sweden 2015

lol I JUST spoke about “Midnight gold” having one of the best, but not the best staging. Well, that’s because “Heroes” is, in my opinion, the most visually impressive Eurovision entry of all times. 🤗  I don’t think it’s even a stretch to call it that? “Heroes” as a song is widely regarded as pretty whatever, winning due to its act. However, while I don’t necessarily disagree this is why Måns won, I feel this take very much undersells Måns. Using it at an excuse to dismiss his goodness is ridiculous.

First of all; “Heroes” IS a really, really good song. Infectuous, upbeat, irresistably positive with highly quotable lyrics (”now go sing it like a hummingbird the greatest anthem ever heard” 😍) and an earnest anti-bullying message (<3). It may not be *as* original as some of the entries ranked around it on this list, but it definitely handles its own, with and without an act.

Another defining factor in making “Heroes” a great entry is Måns himself. Måns Zelmerlöw is arguably the most attractive human to ever set a foot on a Eurovision stage. The man is irresistable even on a platonic level. He puts every other charismatic performer to shame and does it effortlessly. 

However, even with these two trump cards, the staging is indeed the best part of “Heroes”. It bears repeating that I think this is the best Eurovision act to date. Impressive visual effects, flawless choreography and impeccable camerawork elevate “Heroes” to a much higher level. It tells it story with more clarity and efficacity than any other entry I can think of. 

Ultimately, Måns staging is a testament of his goodness, and an acceptable reason for winning Eurovision. Because of “Heroes”, many countries have upped their staging game, resulting in more visually impressive entries (specifically the Sabotage Baptiste ones in 2016, and Sergey I guess), which is a positive development. Live music isn’t so much about which song you perform, but about how you perform it, and “Heroes” is the best example of that.

_______________________________________________________________

27. ZiBBZ - “Stones” Switzerland 2018

[2018 Review Here]

WILD JOKAH ON A GOLD THRONE

Here we are again, our annual appointment with everyone’s favourite sibling alliance. 😍 “Stones” is powerful kick-ass diamond of indie-rock and a serious contender for my favourite Swiss entry of all time. 

The song is a masterclass in mental health awareness and  self-empowerment, dismantling bullying and depression with perfectly timed percussion and AHUMs, truth-bombing lyrics and an insanely charismatic lead who sounds like Joss Stone on five packs a day. 😍 It’s catchier than ebola, more addictive than sugar and soars higher than a kite. 

In addition to all of that jazz, “Stones” is also responsible for some of the most iconic visuals in 2018:

God the shot of Coco with the flare still sends shivers down my spine. WHAT A CRUSADER OF THE DOWNTRODDEN. 😍 Whenever I’m feeling down, this is the song that lifts me back up again. 

Really, the only thing not good about ZiBBZ was the camerawork and that wasn’t their fault. FY Hans Pancake. 🙄 If ever there were a robbed NQ who deserves a Genovaesque return, it’s the Zibblings. BRING THEM BACK!!! 

________________________________________________________________

26. Paula Seling & Ovi - “Playing with fire” Romania 2010

Speaking of highly addictive songs, holy cow Ovi I need rehab for that beat alone because I CANNOT get it out of my head.

Anyway, who else would be the #1 for Romania if not for Paula Seling and Ovi? “Miracle” was a beautiful example of tacky taste, but “Playing with fire”, man, :takes a sip of gin:, now that is the real stuff. 

I’ll start, I guess, where I’ve begun my write-up which is the composition: “Playing with fire” has one of the best underlying beats in this decade, which gives it infinite replayability. Layered on top of that is some delightfully aggressive piano (😍), on top of THAT some amazingly playful lyrics (”BOY BOY BOY If we’re mean, i would start a fight tonight” songs about playfighting <3) and on top of THAT, Paula Seling. Paula is the STAR of this performance, stealing the show every time she’s shown with deliciously flirtatious facial expressions

and some vocal masturbation in the guise of a dolphin impersonation.

 She and Ovi and ignite the place with both insane pyrotechnics and spontaneous chemistry. So fun, SO GOOD, so dynamic especially for an act where the main singers sit down in front of a double-headed plexiglass piano (😍). Duncan Laurence DEAD in a motherfucking DITCH. 

And with this update we have eliminated FIVE countries. Check their reviews below:

GEORGIA

Georgia is such a bizarre Eurovision country, often churning out absolutely BONKERS entries that leave Europe stunned in silence. <3 It may not be reflected in their vital statistics but I always look forward for what they have on offer because even in the rare case of them being boring, they are always interesting. 

BELARUS

Belarus was one of the worst countries in the 00s, but in the 2010s they’ve evolved into a bargain bin Moldova, which makes them solidly good. It’s really astounding that a country SO GOOD at being entertaining gets dismissed so easily because of their flag (and dictatorship (and gay rights)). They’re mostly good and 100% worthy of our time, tyvm!!

SWEDEN

The worst part of Sweden’s success streak is that it made them conceited and lazy. They no longer need to be innovative, creative or entertaining in order to get a top five position and worse, they are fully aware of it. This resulted in a marked drop in quality and if they don’t curb their hubris quickly, I predict it will soon come back to bite them. (ie: another NQ)

SWITZERLAND

B A S  I C. Zibbz and Luca did a lot of the heavy lifting here, which caused Switz to mathematically outrank Sweden, and while that’s hilarious it also feels absurd and wrong. Don’t be fooled by all that green though. Switzerland are basic bitches and have no idea what to do in order to be cool. 

ROMANIA

Romania are one of the better hit-or-miss countries in Eurovision, imo even if the chart doesn’t fully reflect it. The problem I have with them is that their entries don’t have a long shelf life. Like, the Cezars and Ilincae of this world grow stale very quickly because they’re exhausting and shallow. Having said that, this is by far preferable over being consistently boring (UK) or violently oscillating between great and demonic entries (Germany, Demark). 

[bitchsexuality]

@animaliae

ok first off i’m sorry i took so long to reply!! i’ve been busy in the most tedious way possible so my brain’s not exactly my best friend right now. second off: THANK U SO MUCH these were so fun to answer!!

i’m putting all of these in the same post because i started talking and i could not Shut The Up, and i think one atrociously long post is better than four long posts when it comes to like, scrollability. scrollpastability? scroll-Something. and putting it under a readmore too for the same reasons

SO, from top to bottom:

weirdest character idea for D-N-D:

it’s an idea i’ve already had because i can’t come up with anything right now dksjfgbd, but

once i made a druid for a D//N/D-based CRPG who only cast spells when they gave him something edible (in theory ofc, the game didn’t let me eat my summoned bears... thankfully...), so i ended up with nothing but goodberries and several animal summoning spells. then i proceeded to cheat my way through the game, which defeated the point sdfgsd, but it was still fun concept-wise

also made me spend too much time wondering if the entangle spell’s vines could be eaten. i mean you can’t eat the WHOLE thing but maybe you could like, munch on it a little, or try to slurp it up like a noodle. it wouldn’t be tasty, it wouldn’t be easy, and it most definitely would not be healthy, but it’s like. the principle of the thing 

if ur asking yourself WHY i did that… well there aren’t THAT many D/ND-based CRPGS out there and i’d already played that one —several times, in fact— so i wanted to try something different :0

i mean it’s not THAT weird tbh, but he’s the only OC i can think of right now that soooooort of fits? and my brain is like, a tundra of creativity at the moment. a deep tar pool that absorbs all inspiration and drags it, kicking and screaming, to its viscous doom. well you get the idea. or i hope you do because i sure fucking don’t

ideal ending for one of my characters:

hmmmm for like, original fiction characters i more or less have all their endings planned out? most of them ARE ideal because i am fully in control of their destinies and i am also a softhearted lidle bich who prefers stories with relatively uplifting/happy endings. or tbh even the ones that aren’t technically happy are still ideal in terms of character arcs, development, etc

(i might be giving myself way too much credit there though skdjgbdksjfg)

and —though this is super unlikely and mostly just me deceiving myself at this point— i do want to publish what i’m working on rn, so talking about endings would be a spoiler for something that does not exist and probably never will outside of my idiot fool head. so i’m gonna talk about an old OC that i’m not doing anything with anymore!

her name was elina and her entire deal was that she came from a family of very powerful witches who owned a, uh, i guess you could call it an archive? or a library?? idk, it was just an ABSURDLY large collection of magic-related books, and it pretty much contained all known arcane knowledge (though come think of it, “all known arcane knowledge” can’t have been THAT much because the archive was just one room. a huge fucking monster of a room yeah but like. still just One)

so anyway, her family members were very dutiful + responsible when it came to the archivelibraryroom thing, but they were also too traditional for her tastes? like they didn’t bother practicing/using magic, or experimenting, or looking for anything outside of books; they only cared about written things, and even then they did nothing but get the Very Important Books, put them in the archivelibraryroom and forget about them completely

then elina ran into a group of other magic-users who were investigating a weird phenomenon in her hometown, and she asked her family about it, but they essentially were like “oh if it doesn’t affect the books we don’t care lol anyway it’s your turn to clean the archivelibrary now”

but yeah i’m sure y’all can tell where this is going kjdfgbd elina was the typical YA protag in that she was super rebellious, so she turned her back on her family and left her house to help the group of inconveniently yet stereotypically teenage magic-users, made friends, learned about magic, blah blah blah

the issue is that i never gave that story an ending? like the closest thing to it was a vague “uhhhh elina goes back home to find the archivelibrary is burning down and pulls some kind of mysterious water magic out of her ass to save it; then her family apologizes, they begin to respect her and she stays with them to keep caring for the archivelibrary, But With A Progressive Twist”

the issue was that after writing around two chapters i realized i didn’t actually Have a plot, so i didn’t know what story that ending would be... ending... and since i couldn’t think of anything + i wasn’t THAT attached to the characters anyway i just gave up on it

but now that i’m thinking of it again, just for the sake of ending the Story That Never Was, i feel like making her earn the respect of her family just because she saved the books + proved she actually cares about that too is, idk, shallow? out of character? 

because she believed that her family’s fixation on history + Neatly Documented stuff was holding them back and making things worse for everyone. she left her home behind because her ideals re.: magic —that it should grow and change to fit the context + people’s needs, and not the other way around— were so strong

OOF THIS IS GETTING SO FUCKING LONG KSDJGB i’m just gonna stop here and say: elina’s new ideal ending is pretty much that while she ends up in friendly terms with her family —because, in spite of their fundamental disagreements, they never hurt her— she doesn’t go back home and chooses to travel around the world instead, helping people in whichever way possible and freely sharing her knowledge with anyone who’s willing to listen and, at the same time, learning from them

i mean, the concept’s not too original ksjdbg just something i thought of super quick, and that’s just a half-assed attempt at closure for an OC i made when i was like… 9

headcanons about my favs:

ok this one’s hard because i’m not into any like… fandom things right now? i haven’t found anything that rly interests me or that i could see myself being passionate about, which sucks because i do kinda miss being into stuff with Established Content :( 

so i’ve been focusing on my OCs + original stories and such. and i’m not sure if OC headcanons count as headcanons because i control canon so technically everything i come up with IS canon. then again it’s headcanon too because it’s a canon from my head because that’s where ideas come from. okay wait i’m not making any cents here x 

but uhh knowing me i might think of something right after publishing this, so if that happens i’ll come back and edit this post :0

also just saying but if any of y’all know of something i could get into then lmk, i’m open to suggestions! preferably free stuff though... i’m beset by capitalisms

a favorite scene that i loved:

i can’t remember any in particular right now, either from my #content or somebody else’s SDFKJGBDF god my mind 😔 well i mean i’m gonna be a little bit full of meself and say that i’ve written things that i really like, especially imagery-wise, but i Also want to publish those someday… like i’ve also written original/OC-related stuff that i don’t plan on publishing, but i’m not THAT proud of them tbh :/

i was —emphasis on was— trying to write a short story about jasna (one of my D-N/D OCs, a cleric of oghma) that never really went anywhere, but i did post a snippet on my OC blog, and that’s what i hate the least out of all my recent attempts at writing? so i’m just gonna put it here again ig sdfgs (not actually linking to the OC blog post because it’s kind of a mess rn, i need to fix the theme + clean it up a bit)

if you got this far and read all of this nonsensical verbal monster: i love u with all my heart and i would legitimately die for u.

[chroniccombustion]

I Can’t Help But Care (ch 2)

Genre: Trans!AU, domestic fluff, mild hurt/comfort Rated: K+ Characters: Yosuke Hanamura, Souji Seta (Yu Narukami), mentions of Izanagi/Shadow!Souji, mentions of Naoto Shirogane Warnings: minor mentions of dysphoria and self-hatred Status: twoshot, complete

<- previous chapter

“No, you—Don’t apologize, man.” Yosuke places his hand over the one Souji’s using to fish for his discarded shirt and gives it a squeeze. He groans behind his teeth. “I’m the one that should be sorry; this is the first time you’ve ever had your shirt off around me and all I’ve done so far is act like an ass.”

Chapter 2: I Just Complicate it When I Say Too Much

 The shower is running by the time Yosuke makes it back upstairs. It had taken him all of thirty seconds after paying to decide that he really didn’t want to bother setting up in the living room, so, food in hand, he plunks down on the floor in front of Souji’s coffee table. Originally he’d planned on letting Souji shower first while they were waiting; Souji’s showers never take very long, so the food probably would have arrived right as Yosuke was finishing up his own. He likes it when they eat together, since it’s almost like a stay-in date when the setting is right.

Now, though, for obvious reasons, that particular plan has been ever so slightly derailed. He could wait; he’s hit the point of exhaustion where he doesn’t really feel the hunger he knows is there. However, if he waits on Souji, then Souji will wait on him, and Yosuke doesn’t much like the idea of making his boyfriend wait any longer than necessary.

So he starts in on his food and waits for his partner to get out of the shower.

Souji reappears not long after, still shirtless, but dressed in his pajama pants with his sleep shirt tucked into the crook of his elbow as he scruffs a towel over his hair. He carefully seats himself beside Yosuke and offers him a quirk of his lips – a tired, fond smile.

“All yours,” he murmurs, mimicking Yosuke’s earlier words. He reaches out to snag his own bowl of takeout and pull it closer.

Up close, Yosuke can see the binder marks along Souji’s skin. They’re fainter now, still red but not as angry as they were before. A lot of the lesser chafing has all but faded, leaving only pink patches here and there in between the heavier outlines.

Yosuke must take too long to respond, because Souji looks over and catches him staring. He glances away, down at his own torso, and seems to curl inwards out of habit. “Sorry,” he says. He gropes around for the shirt he’d let fall beneath the table and starts to tug it closer.

“No, you—Don’t apologize, man.” Yosuke places his hand over the one Souji’s using to fish for his discarded shirt and gives it a squeeze. He groans behind his teeth. “I’m the one that should be sorry; this is the first time you’ve ever had your shirt off around me and all I’ve done so far is act like an ass.”

Souji huffs a laugh. He turns his hand over in Yosuke’s and folds their fingers together, giving a squeeze in return. “A protective ass,” he murmurs, voice teasing. “But I kind of sprung it on you, too.” He sneaks a glance back up at Yosuke from the corner of his eyes. His hand on the table fiddles nervously with his unbroken chopsticks. “Does it bother you?” he whispers. There is a thread of sadness in his tone now, of worry, like he’s still convinced that Yosuke will suddenly find him disgusting. He gestures at the irritation along his shoulder with his free hand, using a chopstick like a pointer. “They’re still tender; the water helped but I’m afraid if I put my shirt on they’ll stick to it.”

Yosuke doesn’t answer with words. Instead, he slowly leans forward until he’s able to properly catch Souji’s eyes. Gently, he raises their clasped hands and brings Souji’s fingers to his lips, brushing them over each one before pressing a quiet kiss to the back of Souji’s hand. “Nothing about you bothers me,” he whispers against his boyfriend’s skin. He watches Souji watching him and lets a soft smile stretch over his features where Souji can see. “I know I’m not doing a great job of showing it, but I’m really glad you took your shirt off.”

Souji looks at him with an expression full of affection and awe, so warm that Yosuke can feel it in his chest like sunlight. Souji is like a sun, but shyer – a guiding star in the darkness – and Yosuke wonders if it’s possible to fall in love with someone he’s already fallen for a hundred times over.

And then, suddenly, that warm expression becomes one of mischief as Souji snerks. It isn’t really a snort, much like all of Souji’s other laughter is never really laughter in the conventional sense; it’s a light, gravely sound in the back of his throat that grows into his usual breathy huff through the hint of his exposed teeth.

“Are you now?” he asks, somehow managing to keep his voice level despite his sniggering. His eyes gleam in a way they haven’t since before the two of them left the tv world, mirthful and happy and it makes Yosuke’s stomach swoop.

Even if he’s being teased for his unintentional innuendo.

He lets out a noise of exasperation – not the first one of the night – and rolls his eyes so hard his head drops back to rest on the couch seat behind him. “Oh ha ha, dude, and here I was feeling all sappy ‘cuz you’re actually comfortable around me.”

Souji ‘snerks’ again and clings to Yosuke’s hand when Yosuke tries to pretend he’s done enough to pull it away. “Sorry,” he says, not sounding it at all. “Couldn’t help it.” He sighs happily and tugs on the hand on his own until Yosuke relents and leans sideways.

Souji rests his head on Yosuke’s shoulder and hums. His breath is warm on Yosuke’s skin, even through the fabric of his shirt. Souji is warm, solid, real; how did Yosuke ever get so lucky? He tilts his head and brushes his lips over Souji’s forehead, earning him another hum in response.

“I knew what you meant, though.”

“Yeah?” Yosuke shifts just enough to be able to search for Souji’s eyes beyond that silvery shimmer of his still-damp hair.

“Yeah.”

They stay that way for a few minutes, taking comfort in each other’s presence. Eventually, though, Yosuke feels Souji’s breathing start to grow shallower and he nudges his boyfriend gently with his shoulder. “Hey, man,” he murmurs, and soft grey slowly blinks up at him through moon-colored lashes. (God, Yosuke is so weak for him.) “You still need to eat and I’m pretty sure I smell like a gym bag, so…”

Souji sits up. He winces slightly as his skin moves, but he makes no outward protest to being disturbed from his spot on Yosuke’s shoulder. Instead, he just rolls his shoulders back – or, at least he tries, but it doesn’t seem to do him much good since he’s obviously trying not to jostle his ribs too much. “Mm,” he agrees, rubbing at his eyes with his free hand. “Yeah. Go ahead.”

He releases Yosuke’s hand and scoots closer to the coffee table, sitting up straighter as he locates both of his forgotten chopsticks.

Yosuke pushes to his feet, legs reminding him that that he, too, had spent several hours fighting shadows. He takes a second to press a kiss to the crown of Souji’s head before picking his way over to his bag to retrieve his sleep clothes. He pauses again just before he steps into the hallway and looks back over to where his boyfriend has finally started poking at his dinner. “You gonna be okay?”

Souji smiles sleepily around the end of his chopsticks and nods.

---

Yosuke: hey got a ?4u

Yosuke: u evr get binder rash?

Naoto S: THAT IS A VERY SPECIFIC QUESTION. I ASSUME UR ASKING FOR SOUJI-SENPAI?

Yosuke: yea. he left his binder on 2 long & now hes got red marks

Naoto S: HOW LONG DID HE WEAR IT 4?

Yosuke: all day

Yosuke: & n the tv

Yosuke: Naoto he fights n it

Naoto S: HE WHAT???

Naoto S: NO THAT IS TERRIBLE HE SHOULD NVR DO THAT

Yosuke: ikr?

Yosuke: hes got mad chafing. messed his ribs up 2

Naoto S: DO U NEED ME 2 SCOLD HIM?

Yosuke: nah i alrdy did

Yosuke: maybe 2moro tho

Yosuke: cant hurt

Yosuke: how do i help him 2nite?

Naoto S: 4 THE IRRITATION TREAT IT LIKE A SUNBURN OR SKINNED KNEE

Naoto S: USE ANTI-BAC MED ON BROKEN SKIN. LOTION ON REST

Naoto S: RIBS R TRICKY. HOW BAD?

Yosuke: idk? he can move ok just seems sore

Yosuke: he took a shwr. think hot watr helped

Naoto S: GOOD. MOBILITY IS GOOD

Naoto S: IF NOT 2 BAD THEN BACK RUBS CAN HELP

Yosuke: ty!! ur the best!!!

Naoto S: I AM AWARE

---

Yosuke takes his time rubbing the water out of his hair, standing in the bathroom in his pajamas with a towel in one hand and his phone in the other. Honestly, Naoto was a godsend – they’d been endlessly helpful after Souji’s dungeon, when Yosuke desperately wanted to learn but was afraid of bombarding Souji while he was still recovering. Naoto was patient, too, which was a bonus when dealing with someone like Yosuke who didn’t mean to be an asshole but was so out of touch he might as well have glued his foot directly to his mouth and called it a day.

He really would have to find a way to thank them somehow. Preferably in the near future.

Tucking the phone into his pocket, Yosuke glances around the bathroom. Lotion will be easy to get his hands on; Souji has a bottle of it over on his desk, probably for situations just like this. (Yosuke frowns at that thought but tucks it away because now is not the time.) Antibacterial medicine is the thing he actually has to go looking for, and despite how awkward he feels poking around in Dojima’s stuff, it’s for a good cause. Squashing that awkwardness, Yosuke digs through the medicine cabinet before finally locating a tube of gel.

He does his best to put everything back the way it was, before finally stepping out of the bathroom and heading back to where his boyfriends waits.

Souji looks up as he enters, giving him a slow upturning of his lips. He sits with his arms crossed over the top of the coffee table, like he’d been resting his head on them before Yosuke walked in. His shirt is still on the floor where Souji left it earlier, the irritation on his skin so faded now that other than the fiercest of the red lines his torso looks almost normal again.

“Hi,” he says sleepily. “I put the leftovers in the fridge already.”

Such a Souji thing to do, Yosuke thinks, returning the smile.

He steps over to the desk and snags the little bottle of lotion before plopping down beside his boyfriend. He presses a gentle kiss to the crest of Souji’s shoulder, earning a happy little hum in return. “How ya feeling?” he murmurs, eyeing the chafe lines closest to him.

Souji shifts. “Better. It’s starting to pull, though.”

“Ribs?”

A quiet huff. “Well I can breathe.” He looks over at Yosuke with fond eyes. “Just feels like I slept wrong now.”

Yosuke sets the tube of antibacterial gel and the bottle of lotion on the table in front of him. “Can I do something?” he asks quietly, pulling back enough so he can watch Souji’s expression.

Souji quirks a brow at the items on the table but doesn’t answer.

Yosuke scratches absently at his cheek. It’s one thing for Souji to be comfortable being shirtless around him; if Souji doesn’t want Yosuke actually touching his skin then that’s a roadblock Yosuke will have to respect. Even if it’s technically for medical purposes.

“I mean,” he tries, searching for a way to ask without being weird. “Are you okay with me touching you? Not—! Not in like, a sexual way, I just…” He gestures helplessly between Souji’s reddened skin and the stuff on the table, hoping it will be clearer than his failed attempt at words.

Luckily, Souji seems to understand, because he slowly nods after a moment of silent deliberation.

Yosuke lets out an exhale of sheer relief. He could probably have coerced Souji into letting him rub gel onto his shoulders but he’s not terribly keen on doing that. Souji’s trust is important to him; he doesn’t even want to chance bending it, let alone break it.

Taking up the gel first, he angles himself so that he’s facing Souji more completely. He unscrews the cap and squeezes a bit onto his finger, rubbing it between them to warm it up a little. “Can I?” he asks softly. He’s already been given permission, technically, but there’s no harm in double-checking.

Souji nods again. He shifts a bit, getting closer and leaning his shoulder in for Yosuke to start with.

Yosuke takes a moment to look at the chafing up close. It’s not as bad as it had initially looked – thank god – and most of the surrounding redness has faded out. All that remains, of note, at least, are the places where the edges of the binder had rubbed Souji’s skin raw to the point of breaking it. Yosuke doesn’t see any actual blood, though, which means that most if not all of the damage is surface-level. Okay. He can handle that. With all the weight of a feather, Yosuke touches his gel-covered fingertips to his partner’s battered skin, just outside the worst of if.

Gingerly, hesitantly, he starts to pat his way along the outline. He keeps his focus on his work but spares a glance upwards now and then to check and see how Souji is doing. Neither of them speaks for the next few minutes; the only sounds are the soft ‘plip plip plip’ of the gel as he carefully works it into Souji’s wounds and the occasional hiss of discomfort in response. When Yosuke finishes with the side he can reach – Souji’s shoulder and back being the worst of it, with only one spot beneath his underarm where the first layer of skin has peeled away – he heaves himself up and moves around to get at Souji’s left.

The left side of Souji’s body is marginally better than his right had been. The marks under his arm are just barely red, thankfully unbroken, and his shoulder has far fewer patches of broken skin than Yosuke had been expecting. The only place that looks as bad as before is along the curve of Souji’s shoulder blade where the binder scraped as Souji pulled his arm across himself to wield his katana. Yosuke bends down and brushes his lips over the unmarked expanse of Souji’s spine. His boyfriend makes a stilted, muffled sound low in his throat.

“Why do you wear it in the tv?” he whispers into his partner’s vertebrae. “Why don’t you just do what Naoto does?” He squeezes another heavy bead of gel onto his fingers and starts the process all over again.

Souji hums. It’s not his usual hum; it’s lower, like an audible frown, and Yosuke can picture the way his boyfriend’s brows draw together “I can’t,” he murmurs after a pause. “The binder’s the only thing I have.”

Yosuke stills. He looks up from the outline he’s been working on and tries to peer around the side of Souji’s face to catch his eyes. “Wait, so… Nothing else?”

Souji’s lips press into a thin, straight line. He stares ahead of him, eyes fixed somewhere on the far wall, and slowly shakes his head.

Yosuke sits back, hands falling away from his partner’s back to rest palms-up on his folded knees. He blinks stupidly at the back of Souji’s head. “Not even like a sports bra or…?”

“No.”

“Do you just not own any?”

“No.”

“Oh.” Yosuke bites down on his lower lip and chews it, nervous. It’s clear he’s hitting on a sore spot here, and he wants to press harder because this is something affecting Souji’s health, but he also recognizes the tightness in his leader’s voice. There isn’t a wall between them yet, but the cinderblocks sit ready, just in case.

He takes a deep breath, then takes the leap. “Why?”

Souji’s body goes rigid – the lines of his back sharpening as he tenses. But then he’s sighing, louder than he usually is, and slumping back down as the tension ebbs away. When he speaks his voice is tired, small, and Yosuke has to lean in a bit to hear him.

“I had a panic attack the last time I tried to go shopping for one.”

Oh. Oh fuck. Yosuke feels his face burning with awkward guilt as everything hits him with crystal clarity. Of course Souji wouldn’t own one; the poor guy couldn’t have just casually gone wandering through the women’s underwear department without getting the worst kind of stares, and even if he could his anxiety would have made it impossible to ask for a fitting room.

He wouldn’t have anyone to buy them for him, either, since it’s not like his parents would ever have bothered to buy him anything, especially clothes. The only other options would have been to come out to a stranger in order to ask for help, or to go shopping dressed as a girl, which… No. No, absolutely not. Yosuke clamps down on that thought before he makes himself sick.

He remembers how pale and empty-eyed Souji had been when Izanagi had revealed himself, remembers how violently Souji had been shaking as his shadow-self descended the stairs with long silver hair and a short uniform skirt.

Never again.

Yosuke sets aside the tube of gel and eases his arms around Souji’s middle, well below the chafing and the aching ribcage. He leans forward and rests his head between his boyfriend’s shoulder blades, careful to avoid any reddened skin or still-drying gel. Before he closes his arms, he whispers, “Is this okay?”

Souji’s reply is to lean back into Yosuke’s embrace and drape one of his own arms over the ones around his waist. “You’re always okay.”

Yosuke laughs softly. “I’m still gonna ask, though.” He gently squeezes his arms – more a twitch than anything – and nuzzles against Souji’s back.

Pressed together like this, Yosuke can feel the vibrations in his partner’s body as Souji hums; they spread through Yosuke’s chest and feel like home.

“It’s appreciated,” Souji says.

Yosuke could stay like this all night. He kind of wants to, but with his face pressed so close to Souji’s damaged skin he can feel that faint traces of heat still lingering in the chafe lines and he knows he still has just a little bit left to do. “Speaking of,” he starts. He waits for Souji to tilt his head back in Yosuke’s direction. “Would it be okay if I gave you a backrub? Or are your ribs too sore for that?”

Souji thinks a moment, gauging. Yosuke can feel the way Souji stretches and tests just how much his torso will let him move. He grunts, just once, and catches on a movement when he tenses too much on one side, but makes no other outward show of pain as he assesses his body. “They’re… tender,” he finally says, voice thoughtful. “I’ll tell you if it’s too much.” As if to further clarify his permission, Souji sits back up and leans across the table once more, leaving Yosuke to miss the feeling of warmth against his chest.

To compensate, and to make everything easier on the both of them, Yosuke tucks a leg up underneath himself and shifts so that he’s directly behind his boyfriend, with Souji positioned between his legs once Yosuke gets settled. It’s so domestic and intimate that Yosuke has to take a moment to remember what he’s doing and not just wrap his arms around Souji’s waist again and press their bodies back together.

He shakes his head to clear it before Souji can start to wonder if something’s up, and reaches past the other boy’s shoulder to snag the lotion bottle off the coffee table. There will be time for cuddling later. A whole lifetime’s worth, if Yosuke has anything to say about it. For now though, back to work.

Just as carefully as he had with the medicine, Yosuke takes a small amount of lotion, warmed between his hands, and starts to swipe it over the parts of Souji’s back that need it most. It’s nothing special, just something to help keep chapped skin from cracking open, but Naoto had said to treat it like a sunburn and Yosuke’s had enough sunburns in his life to know that dry skin peels in horrible ways. Granted, he’s never had the kind of chafing that Souji is dealing with, but he trusts Naoto’s advice.

It doesn’t take long for him to finish up with Souji’s back and sides, gently soothing the lotion into his partner’s skin. He hesitates when he gets to Souji’s front, which he would try to avoid but there’s a bit of irritation on Souji’s collarbones and Yosuke is certain the skin further down is probably in need of attention, too. Luckily, Souji is as observant as ever and holds his hand out wordlessly for the bottle. Yosuke presses a kiss to Souji’s neck in silent thanks and lets his boyfriend tend to his chest on his own.

While Souji is busy with his chest, Yosuke devotes his attention to Souji’s ribs. Slowly, pressing as lightly as he can to start, he uses his lotion-slick hands to smooth across the planes of his partner’s body. He digs his fingertips in when it seems he isn’t causing Souji any pain, pushes in with the heels of his palms when he can feel Souji stiffen under his touch. He doesn’t knead, nor try and undo any knots – there aren’t any, really, not around Souji’s torso – just gently works his hands over aching bones to try and alleviate the worst of it.

At one point he works up the courage to slip his hands around to the place just below the high points of his partner’s chest. He stills, asking for permission with his pause, and Souji gives it in the form of a nod and contented sigh. Yosuke keeps his fingers on safe places; he won’t go further up until Souji is ready.

When he finally moves back up to Souji’s shoulders, that’s when Yosuke finds the knots of stress at their worst. He’s always wondered how much his partner – their leader – really carries on his shoulders, both physical and metaphorical. He’s seen Souji roll his neck in battle and sometimes it seems less of a way to loosen up before a fight and more like a bid to keep his body from locking. The worst is when they’ve been under a time crunch, back before, when their friends and team members had been trapped in their own personal hells with only a few days to save them before the next blanket of choking fog.

Yosuke presses his thumb into a spot just between Souji’s shoulder blades and feels something shift that makes the other boy groan in appreciation.

All that pressure that Souji works under, the weight he carries, and all of it on top of being in an article of clothing that he should never be fighting in, should never wear as long as he does each and every day. Yosuke feels something in his heart twist at the thought of his boyfriend being in physical discomfort, or even pain nearly constantly because of this. And yet Souji has never once complained. Instead, he bottles everything up and lets it sink like a stone until he’s drowning. No wonder Izanagi had seemed so exhausted between his bouts of mania.

And that just leads to another thought that leaves a bitter taste in Yosuke’s mouth. Does Souji even get to relax at home? He’s too polite, too worried about other people’s comfort; it wouldn’t surprise Yosuke if Souji wore his binder right up until it was time to head upstairs for the night so that he didn’t have to be around his family with nothing on under his shirt.

Yosuke is finally pulled from his thoughts by the sound of shallow, even breathing. He blinks, bringing himself back to the present, back to Souji’s bedroom with his boyfriend nestled comfortably between his legs. The sight before him makes his heart stutter in the best of ways.

At some point while Yosuke was absorbed in his musings, hands methodically running patterns along his boyfriend’s back, Souji had slumped forward across the coffee table and laid his head in the crook of his own elbow. His eyes are closed now, and from his spot behind him Yosuke can see the delicate way Souji’s pale eyelashes rest against his cheek, the way the long day has melted from the lines on his face. Souji looks so peaceful in sleep – it’s not something Yosuke gets to see often, but is forever grateful that he’s the one that gets to see it when it does happen. Not all of Souji’s dreams are good, he knows, but for tonight it looks like his partner is somewhere safe inside his head.

Yosuke sighs. He hates to wake his boyfriend up when he looks so serene, but bent over a coffee table is not a good way to sleep; if Souji’s back wasn’t already sore, it sure as hell would be after a night spent like that.

Yosuke carefully hoists himself up – trying to let Souji have a few more minutes of peace before he wakes him – and moves as quietly as possible while getting everything squared away. He pulls the futon out and fluffs up the squashed pillows, plugs in both his and Souji’s phones, switches off the lights. In the morning, he’ll text Rise and Naoto and ask them if they’d please take his partner shopping, since Naoto will know what to look for and Rise can be their foil in case the boy and the gender fluid detective get any strange looks while looking at sports bras. They’ll take care of Souji; Yosuke doesn’t know if there’s anyone he trusts more than their friends.

For now, though, it’s late. There’s no school tomorrow, no work, no tv world. When they wake up they’ll have the house to themselves. There’s nothing to rush them or keep them from sleeping in.

When Yosuke finally manages to wake his sleeping boyfriend and usher him into bed – shirt still in a heap in the floor – Souji is dead asleep again the moment his head hits the pillow. Yosuke, however, keeps his eyes open for a while longer, watching the easy rise and fall of Souji’s chest as he breathes. He slips his arms around Souji’s waist and presses them as close together as he can, so that it’s nearly impossible to tell where one of them ends and the other begins.

He drifts away like this, wrapped protectively around the person his heart has decided to call home, with Souji’s shoulder beneath his lips and a silent promise to help heal him echoing in Yosuke’s head.

He wakes in the morning to the sight of Souji’s smile.

[boofmont]

- ̗̀ * ( liana liberato + cisfemale + she/her ) have you seen ( saige beaumont ) walking around campus ? they are a ( 20 ) year old, studying ( linguistics + criminal psychology ). we hear they are in ( theta sigma eta ), and can be ( passionate & irrational ), maybe it’s because they are a ( cancer ). they sort of remind us of ( drunk stick n' pokes at 2am, avoiding cracks in the sidewalk, the familiar riff of an old song ), maybe we can find out more ! ( jamesy the fool + 20 + EST + she/they ) * ̖́- + newspaper photographer, campus tour, swim

lmao hi here’s my final baby she is the love of my life i’ve known her for 8 years i think and she’s come a long way sdfkgh please love her as much as i love her. if i was fictionkin i’d identify solely with her (and she’s not even a self insert ! wow !) **IM STILL ON HAITUS UNTIL MONDAY BUT I HAD THIS READY TO GO LMAO**

TW: ALCOHOLISM, DRUG ABUSE? MENTIONS.

gen. info

full name: saige alouette beaumont

nickname(s): she...doesn’t have any in this timeline but PLEASE, she LOVES nicknames. she’s a nickname slut.

b.o.d. - july 7th, 20 whole yrs old.

label(s): the hedonist, the icarcian, the reveler, etc. etc.

height: 5′7″ thank u very much !!

hometown: thibodaux, louisiana

sexuality: firstly when aren’t my babies bi as FUCK (minus aster). but she also prefers masc-presenting folks

biography

the only child of a world renown fashion designer named manon lévêsque (surname kept b/c Branding) and US lieutenant general robert beaumont

manon’s brand is like...on the level of chanel, and dior, and shit, y’know??

manon’s...obv french, very french. born n raised in france. 

robert beaumont comes from a very southern family, all located in louisana. also french, just more...american.

they’re fucking loaded

saige’s childhood wasn’t the...Usual, childhood. they moved around a lot as due to both of her parents’ jobs. (’cos robert wasn’t ALWAYS a 4-star army man smh)

the longest they’ve rly stayed in one place (minus saige’s ucla yrs) is like...two yrs, tops ??

due 2 that she didn’t rly make...a lotta friends?

but when she DID , it was always the most interesting ppl she could find

but her parents were always SUPER strict

it was like they came together purely to mold the perfect child

like, they controlled where she went! what she wore! who she interacted with! what she watched or read or listened to!

she’d have bodyguards on her when her parents were busy, not nannies

she was taught all the proper things ladies were to learn, like cooking and sewing and ballroom dancing, and more

she was also taught how to drop a man to his knees in less than 10 seconds and how to shoot a gun, but that was it in terms of self defense skdfgh

eventually saige got bored with a life of being carefully watched and attending military balls and fashion runways

how do u surround a girl w/ so much culture and expect her to not want to experience life for what it is?

she learned how to dodge guards in order to go canoeing in the full moon with strangers she’d met five hrs prior, and how to blend in at festivals filled with throat-melting sweet drinks

she almost landed in a tabloid at the age of 15 for sneaking out w/ a boy three years older and her parents paid a lot of money to hide it.

no matter how much they tried to keep her rooted, saige always found a way to bend the rules and escape her lil golden cage

like they even had her homeschooled w/ the best tutors one could pay for n she still yeeted tf out whenever she could

born for the party life t b h

they decided that the best course of action to deal w/ her was to finally keep her in one place so they p much made her go to ucla lmao

homegirl did NOT want to go at first, just ‘cos she HATES being rooted to one place, is used to traveling the world and seeing shit and learning other cultures n shit, y’know ??

but then she joined theta sigma eta lmao n the parties ??

fucking amazing

it didn’t take a lot for her to be convinced to stay, esp ‘cos her parents didn’t quite realize...how big the party scene is

(not like they could’ve sent her to like...harvard or smth...homegirl’s smart but not THAT smart lmaooo)

unfortunately, saige has piss poor self control; and this was too much freedom for her. she was being Too Wild

anyWays the summer before her current year (i ... think she’s a sophomore ?) she went to a particularly wild party and somehow ended up at one of her mother’s collection launch parties w/ a pal of hers !!

and she totally embarrassed her mom !! in front of everybody !! being lil’ ol drunk n freshly 20 yr old !

after that saige was NOT welcomed at home (wherever home was, at the moment, that is). she wasn’t DISOWNED ‘cos that’d be HORRIBLE for the press n god, imagine the media ?? it would worsen it all

but she wasn’t allowed at home. wasn’t allowed with them. wasn’t allowed to see them unless at events they specifically ordered her to come to for press reasons

doesn’t really...know where she’s going to go in the summer ‘cos the summer she Fucked Up she lived out of hotel suites and friend’s couches. n like yeah she can just Buy a place or smth but ?? commitment ?? adult decisions ?? christ !

nobody knows her parents have essentially kicked her tf out and aren’t even talkin’ to her, ‘cos homegirl’s ashamed

it isn’t rly hard to hide it tho ‘cos her parents still give her a shit ton of money LMAO rich privilege

but it can’t fix how absolutely hurt she is

the alcohol , however, COULD

started partying more, and more intensely, and didn’t stop when the parties did

alcohol became part of her diet.

irish cream in her mornin’ coffee, coke n rum at lunch, vodka and like...23 packets of crystal lite in her hydro flask during lectures

without alcohol, she suffers terrible withdraws and those turn her into a completely different person

noBoDy KnoWs

or if they do, they don’t realize the extent of it! just how bad it is! ‘cos she’s a big ol’ faker

she’s fine it’s FINE

personality

i actually have...traits i’ve written for her

positive traits:

kindhearted, optimistic, energetic, dreamy, charismatic, intelligent (to...a degree, lmao), active, charismatic, sympathetic, amiable

negative traits:

naive, dumb (to...a degree, double lmao), self-destructive, spiteful, stubborn, defensive, inattentive, unstable, loud, reckless

but ANYWAYS

if she wants to do smth, she’ll do it

there’s no way to talk her outta whatever she has set in her mind, even if it’s fucking STUPID

‘cos she’s stupid and we love her for it

uuuUuUuUuUUUUhh

she’s a vegetarian, loves animals too much 2 do it

has adhd but she’s not medicated ‘cos her parents suck n young girls r always severely under diagnosed ‘cos doctors also suck

she’s allergic to cats, pumpkins, and penicillin

loves cats

she does her own stick n’ pokes, n will do ur stick n’ pokes if u ask. Loves doin ‘em, but she can’t draw for shit LMAO

however ! she does play three instruments:

piano, violin, n bass guitar

hates piano w/ a burning passion ‘cos she was p much forced to learn. thinks violin is lit as fuck. bass guitar? her fav thing ever. did it as an act of rebellion.

also, even tho she’s just....a whole ass dumbass, she knows like...four languages

yes including english

anyways she knows uUUuUH french, spanish, n latin (for funsies)

is also learning mandarin, german, n irish gaelic (for funsies)

is a big language slut, essentially

and a uh...slut in general

like she just rly loves everybody

she’s SUPER friendly, super confident, like...the best gal to know, ‘cos she’s got sm energy n if u don’t talk a lot ? that’s fine ! she’ll talk for u ! even if u don’t ask her to !

but yes she’s not like EASY but she’s easy

she’s had a few short-term relationships and even fewer long-term relationships

and she doesn’t ! have commitment issues !

doesn’t like getting hurt but also ! she will fall in love w/ anybody !

(i’m kidding every time i’ve ever played her in all my years she’s always, always attracted to like...grumpy tough ppl. that’s her type. do u sell drugs? she loves u. do u get into pointless fights and have constantly bruised knuckles? she loves u. did u sell ur soul to the devil? oh, she rly does love u.)

actually thinks rly low of herself but would NEVER let ANYBODY know that ‘cos god forbid

just keep smilin’ :)

probably uses finger guns

skateboards into EVERYTHING she’s fucking CLUMSY and stupid

will wear gucci on top of her thrift finds (stop going to goodwill if ur nearly a billionaire u dumbass)

that being said she’s not always........aware? she’s not shallow but she’s kind of just...she’ll throw her money at u if u can’t afford smth, and like...doesn’t know how taxes work? and also...doesn’t know how poor ppl go on living?

like she’s highly dependent on her money

she has three fucking cars ‘cos she just thought they were PRETTY

one’s a pick up truck w/ LED lights, one’s the literal car from the princess diaries, and the other’s just a real fast sports car

totally does illegal street racing but ? only sometimes ? mostly for funsies rly doesn’t care abt money at all LMAO

she’s...not very independent

she’s got an addictive personality, y’see?

does MANY drugs, like mdma (ecstasy? molly?), coke, shrooms, acid, the marijuanas. i think that’s it.

a lil bit of a cokehead but only at parties okay uwu

idk how but she always manages to be laidback and yet also super energized at the same time. she just truly, does not give a single shit

also i said she was dumb earlier and like...TRUE

excels at english, history, etc. etc.

but as soon as math or science is involved? fart noise

bad shit

hate it

she can’t focus on shit she doesn’t like so like...that doesn’t help

in other news, she can be best described as a DRUNK TINKERBELL

as she was originally a pixie. it’s suiting

she’s ... almost ethereal

will tease u. will act like she’s known u for years. this is normal for saige.

she’s just rly BUBBLY and FUN okay ! pls love her

like pretty please

she’s my best muse by far and i’ve been rping since 2010

OH okay so like fun fact: her mother still sends her pieces that she hasn’t released yet so saige’s closet is filled w/ clothes she will nvr wear ‘cos she refuses to in order to Spite her Mother

also will GIVE these EXCLUSIVE UNreleased articles of clothing to her FRIENDS as GIFTS as a big FUCK U to the MAN (mom)

she’s just a dumbass

wanted connections

ok so gimme a blackmailer who knows abt saige’s like...issues, n instead of tryn to help her they use it to their advantage to get whatever they want from her :^)

also a TUTOR ‘cos she’s stupid in math n science

party pals like do i even have to explain

childhood friend(s) or like...acquaintances ?? she’s traveled for so long

da PLUG gimme her DEALER

ex boyfriend(s) - she loves ppl, sometimes too much. were they in love? maybe not. did she get bored? did he? who knows?

i mean same applies to girlfriends

just ?? a dude who has completely caught her attention. saige finds him SO INTERESTING for some fucking reason. reminds her of travelling, reminds her of her years of exploring. reminds her of a lotta things, rly. he might b a good person. or ! he might not !

random hookups - past ? present ? fwbs ? one night stands ? i’ll take them all !

best friend - y’know. her ride or die. celeste. i mean there can b another, but celeste. try n compete w/ celeste.

other close friends!

fake friends!

frenemies!

(also am a big slut for the on-and-off relationships where theyre both horrible for each other n it’s not.. Good , but they can’t stop ! they won’t stop ! it’s not abusive but it’s toxic just ‘cos they’re both fucking enablers smh breaking up n getting back together all the time)

bad influence ? good influence ?

roommates ??

[sillyasiani]

March 17, 2022

hi so its been a while since my last entry haha. So much has happened. Wow so much has happened. A lot of amazing things and even not so amazing things. I’ve been having some moments of sadness but mostly only happiness. Okay lets start with the sad parts and then we can end this with the positive things haha. But what am I thinking now? So Justin and I are still talking and I was also talking to some other guy. Hm. Lets start with the other guy. He was sos funny when we started. Like hilarious. You know that high you get when your talking to someone you connect with? Yeah that was him. I just felt so excited. The thing is that over the week we were talking I felt like it was all jokes. TBh there were times when I felt insecure because his reponses and what he was saying to me was so funny and I felt so small. That kind of pushed me off first. You would think that It would be the reason why I stayed but idk the jokes were getting too much LOL. first world problems. But seriously they were also getting kind of pervy. Not that he was trying to push me but I just didn’t know how to respond. But anyways after that he started sending me pics of himself. There. That was the thing that pushed me off haha. bro I'm sorry. I feel like a shallow person but he was just not it. He's so skinny and his skin looked old :( and then big forehead. and then gauges. Bro I feel horrible but I just got so put off. After that I entertained it but I couldn’t anymore. I ended it. And I'm really proud of doing that. We were supposed to meet for dinner but just possibly meeting him and knowing I wouldn’t be into it. I KNEW. ugh. But instead of ghosting him I just told him straight up I wasn't into him. I was honestly shitting bricks but I’m grateful for that. he took it well. And im grateful for him for that. I'm sad because he was so funny and I feel horrible for doing that. but im proud of myself for saying no and not letting myself put myself in an uncmfrtbale situation. I know I wouldn’t have been happy. I have a history of meeting up with people that I know I shouldn’t be seeing or even getting myself out of something that I don't want. I’m alone here. The only person protecting myself is me.

“But Jayson, idk how to say this so I’m just gonna drop it.. I just don’t feel a connection between us and I think it would be best if we stopped messaging. I just didn’t want to ghost you so that’s why I’m messaging this to you now.. I mean your funny and I can tell ur really nice! But I’m not as interested as I was before. & I know I pushed for us to hangout on Friday but I don’t feel comfortable with it anymore. & I don’t wanna waste either of our time :/ I’m sorry if I lead you on, but I didn’t want to meet you up and waste ur time when I already felt this way. I’m sorry for being an ass I hope u can understand though”

next sad thing to talk about is Justin. I mean we are still talking. Its just the conversations are not in dept like they used too. I’ve been so busy with work and then I went to Canada. and just busy seeing family. the conversations haven't been quality. Also he's been stressed at work. He goes to the gym and then goes home. I mean he's nice and he isn’t giving me a hard time about messaging and calling but I feel like we’re not growing. Its just stagnant. And sleeps. And I get it but I'm kinda over it. I messaged him how he felt about the entire thing and he said he’s just chilling but if I feel like I'm wasting time to let him know. We didn’t get to really continue to convo. I think he fell asleep. I’m kinda aggy cause it was a serious convo and he fell asleep. I'll see how he responds in the morning. 

Also I miss Michael but not as much haha. Only random moments. I haven't been watching his story. I’ll try to wake up early tomorrow. so I can write more but for now I’m done. Theres so much more I want to talk about but I want to read. 

[sulietsexual]

I've seen people constantly asking about buffy/spike/angel!!! But what about Cordy and angel? Thoughts?!? Any meta? I love ur meta

So, I personally don’t ship Cangel, for me the chemistry was never there and the ship felt very forced. Butif you’re after an in-depth meta on the ship, here is an old meta of mine never published on Tumblr,polished up a bit, exploring what I believe went wrong with the Cangel ship.Warning – this is a loooong read.

Angel are a ship that, in theory, reallyshould have worked. The audience watch them evolve from strangers to friends tofamily, growing closer and learning more about each other in the process. Theyhave amazing chemistry as friends and are addictively watchable in theirinteractions. Moving their relationship into romantic territory seemed like themost natural step for the writers to take. Unfortunately it all went terriblywrong. The question is why? It doesn’t seem right that this particular pairing,with their chemistry and history, didn’t work onscreen.

The initial seeds of the Cangelrelationship are sown throughout the early episodes of Season 3. Season 1introduced their friendship, Season 2 established it and Season 3 is where itstarts to move towards something more romantic. We start to see the small hintsthat Angel’s feelings may be changing when Cordelia starts receiving physicalmanifestations of her visions in 3.2 That Vision Thing. Angel’s concern andrage over what is happening to Cordelia are similar to the emotions heexpressed when he was with Buffy. We also see a change in Cordelia’s feelingsas she tearfully tells Angel of her fear that he won’t need her anymore.Whereas in previous seasons she may have said that the group didn’t need her,or she didn’t know her place in the world, she now focuses on Angel and what itwill mean for him not to need her.

In 3.5 Fredless we are given more smallbut priceless gems to indicate the furthering of Angel and Cordelia’s feelings.Just watching Angel’s face when Cordelia calls him over to be patched up isadorable and her affectionate look along with her teasing “What adork” comment are equally touching. We are also treated to thedelightfully droll “I could sooth your ass off, pal” comment fromCordelia, along with Angel’s petulant “You think I’m fat?” line. Allof these separately do not indicate more than friendship but when put togetherstart to form a picture of what’s to come.

Episode 3.6 Billy gives us one of themost natural and beautiful scenes in the construction of the Cangel relationship.The episode opens with Angel and Cordelia working out in the basement as Angeltrains her to fight. As Cordelia brings a sword up over her head, she and Angellean into the blow together, moving in perfect synchronisation. Angel touchesher hip as he moves with her and she leans into him. The scene is notoverflowing with sexual tension (although there is enough to please viewers)but rather showcases the naturalness with which Cordelia and Angel interactwith and touch each other. This one scene shows the beauty of Cangel and theconnection that lies at the core of their relationship, highlighting how intune the two are with each other.

With the return of a very pregnant Darla,Cordelia and Angel’s budding relationship is sidelined. Not only does Darla’sreturn bring up Angel’s unresolved feelings towards her, it cuts through thetrust that has been building between Cordy and Angel since Season 2. Cordeliais horrified at what Angel has done, not from jealousy but because of the trusthe has betrayed. She is deeply hurt that he lied to her and equallydisappointed by the way in which he treated Darla and it’s only natural for herto take a step back from him.

With the next few episodes focused onDarla’s pregnancy and the birth of Connor, little attention is paid to Cangel.It is not until episode 3.11 Birthday that we are tossed another scrap. Twovery small moments underline the growing feelings between Angel and Cordelia.The first comes when Cordelia is being shown the moment she first encounteredAngel in L.A. The love and affection on Cordy’s face as she watches the replayis beautifully understated and needs no further exploration. Her eyes say itall. She is looking at a man she loves and respects and it shows on every inchof her face. Likewise, Angel’s quiet moment with Cordelia as she lies in a comais equally understated and touching. In angry tones he tells her off for nottelling him how badly the visions are affecting her. Underneath his anger isthe very real fear of losing her and realising what she has come to mean tohim. At the end of the episode his joy when she wakes up is beautiful.

If things between Cordelia and Angel hadcontinued to unfold in this manner they would have ended up in a beautifullyconstructed relationship, built on trust, friendship and mutual respect, whilestill keeping their core personalities in place. It could have been thestrongest ship on AtS. Unfortunately the writers had other ideas.

Cue 3.13Waiting In The Wings, the episode which kick-starts the assassination of thispairing. Waiting In The Wings is not a strong episode to begin with and theridiculous route that they take Cordelia and Angel down only adds insult toinjury. All the way back at 3.7 Offspring, Fred introduced the term“kyrumption” in reference to Cordy and Angel, explaining to Angel howit means that he and Cordy are destined to be together. In Waiting In The Wingsthe writers’ felt the need to echo it, this time from Lorne. What’s problematicwith “kyrumption” is that it takes away the audiences’ enjoyment ofdiscovering where the relationship is heading, opting instead to push the relationship onto the viewers.It’s almost as if the writers were worried that they were being too subtle anddecided they needed to make it absolutely clear that Cordy and Angel were meantto be. This was completely unnecessary, as fans were already on board withCangel as a ship and had so far enjoyed watching the build-up. To drop an anvilso obnoxiously onto the viewers lessens the connection between Cordy and Angeland the connection the audience has to the pairing.

Waiting In The Wings continues to murderthe Cordy/Angel dynamic with the plot involving the “echoes” of theprima ballerina and her lover. At this point in the relationship Cordelia and Angelhave not even admitted their feelings to each other and have only just startedto display physical tendencies that would indicate growing romantic feelings.The relationship was not ready to be taken to a physical level, much less thelevel this episode took it to. Laced with obnoxiously dramatic dialogue, Cordyand Angel get hot and heavy in the ballerina’s dressing room, in a scene souncomfortable it’s a wonder the actors didn’t demand a script rewrite.

While it’s not the first time a potentialrelationship has gotten to a physical level before its’ time, the way the scenewas written made for very difficult viewing. Overdramatic dialogue has no placein the Cangel relationship, even via a spell (more on this later). If theepisode had played out in comedic fashion, along the lines of Spike/Buffy inBtVS episode Something Blue, it would have been easier to handle. However, thewhole scene in the dressing room comes across as just another way for thewriters’ to say “Look! Look at how these two are meant to betogether!”. It’s made even worse by the fact that Charisma and Davidseemed to have lost all their chemistry when filming the scene. Whether that’sdown to the dialogue, the storyline or the actors not being comfortable withthe scenario is open to debate.

The cherry on top of the awfulness thatis Waiting In The Wings comes right at the end of the episode. At first we aregiven hope that maybe Cordelia and Angel will finally get to start arelationship, as Angel tentatively starts to tell Cordelia about his feelingsfor her. He is unfortunately interrupted by the arrival of the Groosalug andwith him a ridiculous plot point designed to throw a spanner in the works. Whythe writers’ felt the need to turn Cangel into a love-triangle is beyond me.Bringing Groo back onto the show seemed to serve no purpose other than keepingCordy and Angel apart, a curious move for the writers, given how strongly theyhad been pushing Cangel onto the audience in the very same episode. Whatfollows the Groosalug’s return is an almost complete demolition of therelationship that has been building between Cordelia and Angel. Cordy is senton vacation and Angel is left to brood silently until the biggest tragedy ofhis life occurs; losing his son.

It is completely unforgivable that thewriters’ left Cordelia out of the episodes that centre on Angel losing Connor.She is the one person who has been with him from the beginning and the oneperson who has always been there for him. He has now reached a point where he lovesher and she him (even if they haven’t admitted it) yet she is not present whenhis son is taken from him. That is a travesty and underlines how badly thewriters’ had lost the plot (pun intended) when it came to the Angel/Cordydynamic. To remove the heart of the group and the woman Angel loves during sucha pivotal time in the series was a huge mistake and furthers the destruction ofthe Cordelia/Angel relationship. They have been through everything together yetthey are separated during one of the biggest losses in the show and that hasnever sat well with me.

The tail end of Season 3 takes the messalready created and, if possible, seems to make it worse. When Cordelia returnsfrom vacation she is out-of-character and veering dangerously towards Mary Sueterritory. She has traded in her sarcasm and bluntness for “wiser”, softerstatements, which are very jarring. Her romance with the Groosalug seemsincredibly shallow, her interactions with Angel and the other characters areawkward and she is used as a Deux Ex Machina in several episodes (3.19 ThePrice comes to mind).

In the midst of being treated to an OOCCordelia, the writers resume their campaign to show us how much she and Angelare meant to be together, with Groo now weighing in on their relationship. Thewhole tail-end of the season comes across as being rushed and badly written,including the awkwardly set-up meeting between Cordy and Angel which, ofcourse, neither of them makes it to. Season 3 ends with the completeassassination of Cordelia as a character as she suddenly decides that leavingeveryone she loves and everything she cares about to go and float around in theHeavens is a good idea. The fans were left on a cliff-hanger, wondering whatthe hell happened to their ship and fervently praying that Season 4 wouldresolve all the issues. Unfortunately this was not to be the case.

Season 4 opens with Angel at the bottomof the ocean and Cordelia floating around in the Heavens. For the first threeepisodes of Season 4 we are treated to (very small) doses of the old Cordeliaas she bitches about being bored and fruitlessly yells at Angel to help her getback to earth. When she finally descends back to earth, she has convenientlydeveloped amnesia and stays in this state for several episodes, thuseliminating any hope the fans had that maybe their ship would be repaired.

4.4 Slouching Towards Bethlehem treats usto uncomfortable and slightly hostile interactions between Angel andAmnesia-Cordy. In trying to find out more about her former life Cordy grillsAngel about her identity and Angel in turn decides it would be best to lie toher for her protection. In a very OOC manner he seems to ignore the fact that,memory or no memory, this is Cordelia Chase, an incredibly strong and capable womanwho is one of the least likely people to need protection. Cordelia is, rightly,pissed off by his lies and ends up rejecting him and going to stay with Connor,creating the first of many rifts that occur between these two over the courseof Season 4.

4.5 Supersymmetry shifts the focus fromCordelia/Angel and onto Fred/Gunn, however a scene at the end of the episodebrings us back to Cordy/Angel, in an exchange which smacks of the writers onceagain trying to push Cangel onto the viewers. Cordelia sits Angel down to askabout the nature of their relationship. Rather than ease in with a mildquestion such as “Did we have feelings for each other?” or “Werewe a couple?” Cordy is given the God-awful line “Were we inlove?”. No subtlety, no hedging. The writers just can’t seem to grasp theconcept show don’t tell and decideinstead to shove this relationship down our throats. This question is onceagain brought up at the end of 4.6 Spin The Bottle, with Angel this time posingthe question to Cordy just after she receives her memory back. With a tearfulchoke in her voice she replies “We were” thus smacking the audiencein the face with the obvious (yet again).

Season 4 continues the slow destructionof Cordy/Angel as Cordelia once again rejects Angel in 4.7 Apocalypse Nowish.In a scene overflowing with ridiculously dramatic dialogue and wangst thatrivals the Buffy/Angel relationship, Cordelia informs Angel that while sheloves him, she can’t be with him because of all the horrifying things he did asAngelus.

Time out. This scene is one of the mostdamaging in the entire Cangel destruction. I previously mentioned that dramaticdialogue has no place in the Cordy/Angel dynamic and this scene emphasisesthat. Cordy and Angel have always had one of the most natural and drama-freerelationships in the Buffyverse. Their exchanges are usually quick, intelligentand razor-sharp, bouncing back and forth and staying refreshingly real. Eventheir more intense discussions stay very close to earth, reminding the audiencehow in tune they are with each other and how well suited they could be as a pairing.

This makes the scene in Apocalypse Nowishextremely OOC for both of them. The dialogue comes out sounding unnatural andstilted, leaving the audience cringing. Additionally, everything Cordy isactually saying to Angel is OOC. Cordelia has always been aware of what Angelcan become. She lived through Angelus’ reign of terror in Sunnydale, so sheknows exactly what he is capable of and she will protect herself and othersagainst him without hesitation were he to lose his soul. However this has neverclouded her view of him nor has it ever changed the way she feels about him.She knows that he is a good man who, yes, has a dark side, but she acceptsthis. For her to turn around and claim that Angelus is standing in the way ofher being with Angel is ridiculous, to say the least.

Season 4 then offers us the biggest andgrossest OOC moment for Cordelia, as she seduces and sleeps with Connor.Thousands of fans were left wondering what the hell just happened as theywatched Angel stumble onto the sight of the woman he loves having sex with hisson. The rift that this action causes ensures that for the rest of the seasonCordelia and Angel don’t stand a chance of reconciling and the dozens of Cangelshippers out there were left stunned and outraged. Of course the biggest revealwas yet to come.

Over the course of the next severalepisodes, the focus is shifted away from Cordy/Angel and onto the group as theyface battle after battle, strip Angel of his soul, recruit a Slayer to save himand finally bring in Uber Witch Willow to re-ensoul him. In the midst of allthis, two bombshells are dropped in quick succession ““ Cordy has turnedevil and is pregnant with Connor’s child. Both of these plot points furtherdrive Angel and Cordelia apart, leaving the fans with little to no hope forthis pairing.

The revelation that Cordelia isn’t evensteering her own body brings both relief and anger. On the one hand, at leastwe now know why Cordelia has been so OOC for the entire season and a reasonableexplanation is given for all her indiscretions. On the other hand that meansthat Angel went through all of this pain for nothing. The woman he loved nevertruly came back and once this discovery is made Angel is then faced with makingthe decision to kill her in order to save the world. In the end he escapeshaving to do so however Cordelia is left in a coma with Angel not knowing ifshe will ever return to him. The ship was seemingly sunk, with fans leftdevastated. Luckily the writers were busy gift-wrapping one last offering.

Cue 5.12 You’re Welcome, anappropriately-named episode which finally restores the natural and beautifuldynamic of the Cordy/Angel relationship. Cordelia returns, completely back incharacter and does what she always does best – steers Angel down the rightpath. Everything is restored, from their sarcastic banter, to the realness oftheir more emotional scenes, to Cordy being back in Action Girl mode. The scenewhere Cordy bluntly but beautifully reminds Angel of who is his, of what hestands for is played out in the most natural and understated way, with bothcharacters struggling to express their feelings but still managing to get theirmessages across. The final scene of the episodes is possibly the most amazingand wonderfully written Cangel scene in the entire show. Cordelia reaffirms herbelief in Angel before quietly explaining that she can’t stay. Their final kissis truly the only Cangel kiss that really shows how well they work together,being natural and full of chemistry. Their relationship, which went through somuch destruction at the hands of the writers, is allowed to end on abittersweet note and fans and shippers alike are finally given closure.

[octopuslovers]

pearl, sails, lighthouse, shells, mermaid, turquoise, waves, breakers, seafoam, rain, sunlight, marine, sea glass, storm, boardwalk, coral, nymph, seawater, siren, tempest, tropic, aquamarine, brine, tidal, azure, fog, coastline, shallows, voyage, shipwreck, cerulean, shoreline, tsunami, riptide, hurricane

why do you do this to me

pearl: if you could travel anywhere in the world, where would you go and why?

france bc i heard they have a lot of good food

sails: describe your perfect partner.

uhm............. idk?? gay, sweet, and there when i need them ig?? lots of smooches received from them too

lighthouse: how much makeup do you wear?

depends

shells: would you prefer to be a vampire or a werewolf?

vampire......... im not a furry

mermaid: most embarrassing moment?

I’VE SAID THIS ONCE AND IM NOT GONNA SAY IT AGAIN

turquoise: weirdest dream you’ve ever had?

ive had a lot but the most recent one is here

waves: favourite season and why?

WINTER BECAUSE IT GIVES ME A REASON FOR CONSTANTLY WEARING MY XL HOODIE

breakers: would you ever consider getting married?

fuck yeah

seafoam: describe your ideal summer vacation.

eating and sleeping and talking 2 friends 

rain: if it were possible, what exotic animal would you keep as a pet?

a fucking cheetah bitch. or a sea nettle.......

sunlight: least favourite song?

baby by justin bieber

marine: would you ever consider plastic surgery?

no

sea glass: what do you consider to be your best physical feature?

either my legs or my Boobs 

storm: do you like piercings and tattoos? why or why not?

i like tattoos just not piercings because having them not on ur ear lobe seems painful for me

boardwalk: who is your favourite fictional couple?

i would say lapidot but im not sure if it counts as fictional if i lived through it

coral: if you had to describe your personality as a food, what would you be and why?

candy corn. tastes good at first but once you get too much it nasty

nymph: old-fashioned or modern decor?

why not Both

seawater: scariest movie you’ve ever watched?

im a pussy ass bitch i have watched 0 scary movies

siren: in a fantasy setting, would you be a warrior, rogue or mage?

mage

tempest: your favourite pokemon?

JELLICENT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AND FRILLISH. GOOD BOYS

tropic: what is your least favourite thing about your appearance?

Everything

aquamarine: describe your dream date.

going 2 the park and swinging on the swings.. maybe a lil smoochin under a tree...... hhhh ALSO AQUARIUMS WITH LOTS OF JELLIES

brine: gold or silver?

gold

tidal: what is a colour that best describes your personality?

blue

azure: what is something that you do that makes you happy?

talk 2 my blessed friends......

fog: describe where you think you’ll be in five years.

dead in the middle of miami 

coastline: what is your favourite flower?

rose probably?? 

shallows: what is your typical starbucks order?

caramel frappe or pumpkin spice frappe.......

voyage: what are your favourite names?

um ??? idk.

shipwreck: do you have an OC? If so, describe them.

i have an oc named jellyfish which is made out of all the emotions i’d like to never express

cerulean: do you believe in true love?

hella

shoreline: if you could become fluent in another language, which would you pick and why?

french because i love the way it sounds

tsunami: describe a dream outfit of yours.

THIS ONE LAPIS HOODIE IM TRYING TO FUCKING GET + A SCHOOL SKIRT AND THIGH HIGHS

riptide: are you introverted or extroverted? are you happy with this?

introverted under certain circumstances. no

hurricane: describe a strange habit of yours.

i have a habit or making everything perfect.. like if i take a bit of a sandwich i try to make it look straight instead of a huge ass curve