#give me 5 hours to decide whether i want to post the full thing

[ctubbolore]

hehehehehehe

[exaflux]

How good is BTAA Scarecrow at therapy really? (An analysis) (Part 1)

So I naively thought that this'd be a laugh. Take the unethical psychiatrist, analyse his techniques, highlight what he's doing in real world contexts and give him a rating. After hours of working on this though I unintentionally managed to construct a theory on how BTAA Jon might approach therapy. Oop.

This part contains- a breakdown of some psychological approaches in therapy settings, character analysis/theory of Jon (in the conclusion), Jon being awful

Disclaimer- I am not a trained psychologist or therapist or anything of the like. I did study the topic under a teacher who was a trained psychologist though, and I still very much like psychology, so that basically makes me an expert in this field. This is a joke. Do not take my word as gospel. This post was written for fun and will probably have a mistake somewhere.

Harvey and Two-face will be referred to seperately in this analysis, but if referring to both Harvey will be used as default. Jonathan is Jonathan.

A-Level psychology don't fail me now 🙏

Session one/"two"-

The following all takes place in S2, Episode 5

The first section of our analysis takes place on March 4th and the time is 2:02pm, surprising no one as Two-Face is present. Jonathan begins the session by setting up a recording and going through standard legal procedure, following the “Code of Medical Ethics” (0:15) of Gotham. He also makes note that the first tape was destroyed, again probably for legal reasons. Good start.

Being that it was Harvey that destroyed the last tape machine due to a mishap of it not being the first session and Harvey refusing to perceive the number one, Jon asks him to elaborate- “tell me more about that” (0:56). Asking for more info on something a client has said often shows interest, which helps with relationship building, and on the mental health professional’s end would help build an understanding of the client. It has been established at this point that the session is for “introductory psychoanalytic examinations” (0:24), so that latter point is especially important. Killing two birds with one stone, very efficient. Whether Jon actually shows interest towards Harvey’s fascination for the number two though is a completely different matter. 

In addition, throughout all this Jon also gives terse responses, “I see.” (00:49) (1:11), to Harvey’s statements to indicate he’s listening and doesn’t try to weigh in. One-sided conversation such as these allow the client to speak as much as they need to, the sessions are for them after all.  

So overall, Jonathan is being very professional so far. 

At 1:21 of the episode is when Jon finally decides to give his thoughts (after Harvey has finished talking) stating that "The best way for [him] to help [Harvey] is to establish a bond of trust between [them]” (1:26), something that Harvey agrees to. Truthfully, another thing that is important between client and mental health professional, so his approach isn’t wrong.

Upon Harvey agreeing to this, Jon promptly demands that he be given the coin, something Harvey doesn't want to do. At being told that he isn’t comfortable with that, Jon points out that "it's not up to [Harvey]" (1:46) and takes the coin anyway through it's infallible decision-making prowess and the full knowledge that Harvey relies on the coin for all his decision making. He successfully gets the coin, Harvey is unhappy, and trust is established. But not really because Jonathan didn’t respect Harvey’s personal feelings nor wishes. Which is a breach of ethics. Horrible decision really. Jon places the coin on the table, presumably in a place where both he and Harvey can see it, and he declares aloud that it's on the table. In any other context this might have actually been a good way to maintain trust while seperating an item of emotional importance from a client, but such actions should only be taken with the consent of said client. 🚨 JONATHAN IS BEING UNETHICAL HERE. 🚨

Afterwards Jonathan reopens the session, “We meet again for the very first time” (2:06) as though everything said and done previously never happened. He goes on to ask the pair to reintroduce themselves. He notably sounds more casual here and upon hearing that Two-Face is older asks “Harvey was here first, wasn’t he?” (2:21) in a tone that doesn’t sound genuinely surprised. The question was most likely asked as a method to fish for confirmation or another elaboration.  

He then moves on after Two-Face is done speaking, very obviously not caring about the reasoning given for Two-Face's origins, to say that he heard “a horror story” (2:58) referring to the courtroom incident. Despite Two-Face's response being a positive one, claiming “That day set me free, like it was in the beginning” (3:11), Jon instead believes that the incident “found [Two-Face] in [his] hiding place” (3:17) and that he was hiding because he was, and still is, “afraid of what [he] would do without Harvey” (3:27). Jon weighing in should have ideally been avoided here. Therapy is normally approached with a mentality akin to teaching a man to fish, where the point is to teach a client how to identify and analyse their own feelings.

Instead of stating why a client thinks/feels as they do, a mental health professional will tactically ask questions in an effort to get a client to reflect. Jon asks some of these questions- “Do you ever wonder what if that acid had taken more than half of your face that terrible day? [...] What if when the acid had done its business, there wasn’t enough of Harvey left to do the serious work?” (3:30) which, in a way, counts. There is still criticism to be had here though as wording can passively influence how a client thinks. Describing the day that Harvey went through his incident as being “terrible”? Probably made Harvey view a day considers favourably as something more negative. Likewise, stating that Harvey could have somehow been lost that day from the acid in all certainty no doubt might have instilled some sense of unease in Two-Face. You should avoid making clients uncomfortable. Bad therapy moment.❌And then Jon follows these questions to Harvey up with another explanation, "You won't let it [cross your mind] because it frightens you [...] the thought of being alone." (3:50).❌❌

“Let’s try something. Bear with me” (3:58) Jon says next, reaching for the acid he inexplicably keeps in his draw. Upon being asked what he’s going to be doing with it by one (two?) Two-Face, Jon retorts with his own question, “What are you afraid I’m going to do with it, hmm?” (4:18) before pissing around with the acid and wanting Harvey to “Tell [him] about the fear” (4:29). This is an example of Jonathan being unethical again. Remember gaining the consent of clients of a therapeutic activity you want to do together is of utmost importance. Likewise, then Jon clarifies that he thinks that Harvey is scared of the “other” (5:05) attribute he acquired that day that wasn’t just the acid damage. Believing that tapping into this fear would cause emotional distress, he proceeds to dunk Harvey’s coin into the acid, destroying it. 🚨JONATHAN IS BEING UNETHICAL AGAIN, DO NOT DELIBERATELY CAUSE MENTAL DISTRESS TO CLIENTS OR DESTROY THEIR PROPERTY. 🚨 According to Jonathan himself he considers his actions “aggressive intervention” (5:30), but Jonathan’s judgement for considering this necessary can be called into question. 

Finally, after everything is said and done and Harvey has in fact been reduced to “a puddle of quivering terror” (5:10) like Jon predicted, Jon is again back to asking Harvey questions about his feelings and acting like a good mental health professional. He even reassures Harvey that he understands! Creating an environment of understanding and lack of judgement is important in any therapy setting. And, further playing his role as a psychiatrist, Jonathan in all his understanding of Harvey’s inability to make decisions anymore prescribes him with meds of his own creation. He explains what the medication does positively, in fluffy terms rather than anything technical, and gets Harvey to take it. While Jonathan is allowed to prescribe medication like this being a psychiatrist rather than just a psychologist, the fact that he starts tooting his own horn about how good the meds are, neglecting to talk about the potential side effects, and then makes Harvey take them anyway is, again, unethical. Informed consent should always be taken from clients before prescribing and a therapy session is an inappropriate setting to advertise your products.

In conclusion:

Jonathan takes more Ls in this session of therapy than he has moments doing his job in the proper way, and his approaches to psychological methods indicate that he takes those Ls not from any amount of ignorance on his part but from a blatant disregard for the well-being of his clients. He plays nice and uses correct therapy techniques consistently only up until he establishes a "bond of trust" by removing Harvey's coin, despite Harvey's feelings. After, Jon can be observed descending more and more into ignoring basic therapy practices; providing his own viewpoints on events, outright stating why Harvey feels as he does, refusing to explain what he's planning to do, eventually getting to the point where he's talking more than the clients during the session. All this happens until Jon permanently rids Harvey of the coin for good, leading to an emotional breakdown in the clients and a subsequent administration of drugs.

If I didn't know any better I'd say that during these events, Jonathan goes from setting up the session like any mental health professional would to gradually steering the session into the direction he wants it to go. Even moreso if one regards how he brings up the court room incident of his own volition completely unprompted (2:50) which then leads that into bringing up the topic of fears. Which eventually leads to dropping the coin into acid... Now this idea is insidious enough as it is, right? I'm sure this Dr Jonathan Crane is a well meaning psychiatrist, I mean he's following Gotham's Code of Medical Ethics! So here's also a slightly different perspective to all this:

Jon is speedrunning therapy.

I mean think about it- not even two minutes into the session and Jon basically forces Harvey into "trusting" him. This is only the second time that they've had a session together mind and trust is a thing that often takes months or even years to form between a mental health professional and a client. The chosen method of building trust was to remove a valued item from Harvey and one that he relies on, again something that takes multiple sessions to build up to and- as had been stated- is a valid trust building technique. After taking the coin Jon still leaves it in a place where Harvey knows where it is, just like you'd expect in a therapy setting. Jon even asks the pair to introduce themselves before deliberately steering things into talking about the court room incident which is the nexus point for why Harvey relies on the coin as far as he's concerned. Even him outright telling Two-Face what his fears are could be interpreted as him not wanting to spend months doing the standard therapy approaches that aren't even a guarantee for any progress.

In fact, Jon doesn't even attempt to destroy the coin either until the following happens in order: he tells Two-Face he thinks the court room incident found him and he was hiding out of fear of what he'd do without Harvey, he then asks Two-Face if he's ever thought about what he'd do if Harvey was unable to do much of anything anymore, then outright tells Two-Face he's afraid of being alone before then saying "Let's try something" (3:54) as though he's about to demonstrate his point, forcing Two-Face to acknowledge it.

"I think we had a breakthrough" (5:36) indeed. Breakthroughs are when a client successfully identifies something about themselves, like where a thought or feeling or bad habit stems from. A client having a breakthrough is the point where therapy can progress. And, hey, Harvey probably did make a breakthrough from losing his coin, though it was forced. This breakthrough led to being given a special drug. Which is something to be explored in a later part.

Of course though none of this really matters. Therapy is about treating a person as a person and "teaching a man to fish". Apparently Jonathan doesn't care about fishing.

FINAL SCORE FOR THE SESSION:

🎊 3/10 🎊

Jon is definitely not lacking in skills when it comes to psychology or therapy techniques, in fact he seemed decent enough for the first chunk before the session metaphorically drove off a cliff through his driving- intentionally no less. He simply lacks regard for the feelings of his clients and is a walking ethics breach. Likewise he took deliberate control of the session, and whether the end result was intentional or not this is definitely not something to do in a therapy setting. His approach to "therapy" may lead to breakthroughs, making his clients recognise the things he identifies, but it's not in the true spirit of therapy. It's doubtful that a client under him would ever learn the techniques they need to overcome whatever things they might struggle with.

...And this isn't even getting into how much enjoyment he seems to get from making his clients uncomfortable.

[xthelastknownsurvivorx]

ajtl/yngs x hello saturday

after watching the actual hello saturday episode that the cast attended I got inspired and decided to write a version with the characters from ajtl because i'm missing them and why not. you can watch the full episode here with english subs but I've also summarized the main points in the post in case you don't want to watch the full 1.5 hour show (though imo it's worth it because it with very fun)

The episode basically follows the games/structure of the actual one that the cast of ajtl appeared on: the antidote carrier trying to create a team of non-poisoned swordsmen through hints acquired by winning various mini-games to successfully draw the six-sided sword from Malan Mountain

The games include an action version of "radish squat" to choose their identities as one of the antidote carrier (1), a poisoned swordsman (4), a non-poisoned swordsman (3); pop culture pictionary, except using up to 5 emojis instead of drawing; 3, 2, 1, look here!; group pose description game; some action-based game to replace the don't sing, move game because I didn't find this segment very interesting

Instead of only having four characters guest star on the show, I'm replacing the usual hello saturday cast members with four more characters

In total, there are two teams consisting of: Ren Ruyi, Ning Yuanzhou, Yu Shisan, Yang Ying AND Li Tongguang, Qian Zhao, Yuan Lu, and Sun Lang

In the first game, Ren Ruyi picks up Yang Ying for one of her actions and flusters her

Li Tongguang has to do the same thing thrice with Sun Lang, who gets very flustered and giggly over it suddenly I have a new rare pair ig

Yang Ying chooses to sajiao and ask for a kiss from Ruyi for one of her actions, which forces someone from the opposing team to do it towards their other three team members

I can't decide whether that someone should be Li Tongguang or Qian Zhao because both feel like equally amusing options

Also someone makes Ning Yuanzhou pout cutely during this game

Following a loss during the emoji pictionary game, Ren Ruyi is the only one not to be frightened by the balloon popping while Yang Ying flinches at the sound

Ren Ruyi trades away Yang Ying after this game, much to Li Tongguang's smug satisfaction ("It seems that shifu doesn't want you either")

Ren Ruyi doesn't understand the rules to 3, 2, 1, look here! and splashing Li Tongguang when he won

Yang Ying gets flustered and splashing Ning Yuanzhou when he won instead of protecting Li Tongguang (who also gets splashed) and profusely apologizing to him (不好意思，远舟哥哥!)

"Shouldn't you also be apologizing to your partner?" He laoshi (the host) jokes. "He's far more soaked thanks to Ren Ruyi"

At some point Ren Ruyi and Ning Yuanzhou switch so it's master vs disciple, which of course ends with Ren Ruyi winning

There's an occurrence where Ren Ruyi chooses Li Tongguang to come to her team which has him ecstatic, but she immediately trades him away the following round when she suspects he's been "poisoned" (the others on his team make fun of him for this)

Qian Zhao's stoic face during the group pose game makes everyone laugh

After the final game Ren Ruyi has to choose between Ning Yuanzhou and Yu Shisan to leave her team, with the former giving a very serious appeal before it dissolves into petty accusations between the two of them

Ning Yuanzhou: "Ruyi, I promise it's not me. You know me and that the clue in the last round is definitely about me. So please, trust me once again."

"As if you didn't break your promise to her! Beauty, listen to me, I'm a much better choice than Ning Yuanzhou. Who else is as handsome and reliable as me?" "Ruyi has never chosen you before, so why would she start now?" "You also lied about being poisoned to all of us for several months!" "For the sake of the mission! I didn't want to hurt morale" "Do you really think you can trust the guy like that? I worked hard this entire episode!" "Yu Shisan—"

In the end Ruyi chooses to keep Ning Yuanzhou and send away Yu Shisan ("Beauty! How could you?") and this proves to be the right choice

if someone wants to write a fic based on my hc please ask first

[relativelydefected]

I havnt posted in awhile. I just keep finding myself in deeper darker holes every time I turn around. Just one right after the other. It gets tough to think about let alone write about.

My mom is in the hospital again. She passed out 3 times this week again. My dad told me his struggles with bringing her up the stairs. Picking her up off the floor of their bedroom cause she couldn’t get on the bed. Went to visit her she got up to get me something and fell again.. she had two cat scans done. She has to wear a heart monitor to monitor her for an irregular heart beat. They found she had a small brain aneurism in her head.. as well as a spot in another part of her head as well. Which may be the reasons she keeps passing out. The past two days she’s had nausea. Which might explain the things going on in her head.

I quit therapy. For the simple fact that if something is to happen to my mom. I’m gonna be a wreck regardless. So no amount of therapy is going to help me with that. And I’m not using that as a scapegoat or an excuse. It’s the fucking truth. I don’t care who tells me otherwise.

No amount of breathing exercises or coping mechanism is going to help me with this portion of my life.

The kids are doing well. My daughter is clueless as to what is going on and my son is slowly starting to take into an account the seriousness of the situation. He cried about it last week and all I could tell him is that she’s fighting this she’s strong and that we’re gonna get through this together.

Things I should probably say to myself but knowing the reality of the situation. It’s tough to think that way while at the same time trying to prepare for something that might be inevitable.

I havnt been to the bike path for the past few days due to having a cold and this bipolar New England weather.

I even bought a longboard. Just to try something new.

Havnt been able to fully try it out cause it’s either raining or I’m sick or my kids are sick and I have to be home.

Havnt been able to see my mom the past week cause I’m fighting off this cold that doesn’t want to go away.

On a more semi positive note.

I met this guy on tiktok we talked for two days before we decided to hang out. What’s funny is he lives right down the street from me..He’s a single dad I’m a single mom.. he has a good job his own place.. he’s younger than me and that’s a first for me but I thought why not give it a shot. Really cute.

Has a stutter but that is also really cute .. we are both gamers we both like studio ghibli and Star Wars. We went to the mall he was so nice and easy to talk to he gave he gave me a hug it was just really lovely. It felt good to be treated like a lady after 11 years of being treated like garbage..I definitely felt a connection. Then of course my own insecurities took hold and I think I messed up the entire thing. He seems like such a good dad and he has all these nice qualities but some how some way I always manage to mess up a good thing. That’s my life. It’s like I psych myself out every time. I can’t just let things flow or be. Maybe he’s not attracted to me? I don’t know..

He has a twitch I watch it, try to message but don’t hear back so not much I can do 🤷🏽‍♀️ think im just gonna stop messaging at this point.

It felt good to go out shop and have fun and not think about the crap going on in my life so for like 5 hours I was at peace for the first time in months.

Good things never last. They are rare but fleeting.

You’d think I’d be used to it by now but im not.

But I tried right? Even if it didn’t work out.. I can say I tried to meet someone and put myself out there.

But I also feel guilt about being happy. When everyone around me is falling apart.

Maybe when I go back to work it will be a distraction from all this. But I can’t go back till I figure out my daughters situation with school or whether i need to put her in daycare full time.

Cause I can’t do both and I have no one to help me in this situation unfortunately.

I’ll try to update more. If you guys have prayers I could always use them.

#depression #anxiety #terminalcancer #stage4cancer #breastcancer #mentalhealth #life

[haikyuu-boys-headcanons]

𝙷𝙰𝙸𝙺𝚈𝚄𝚄 𝙱𝙾𝚈𝚂 - 𝙴𝙼𝙱𝙰𝚁𝙰𝚂𝚂𝙸𝙽𝙶 𝚂𝙴𝚇 𝙼𝙾𝙼𝙴𝙽𝚃𝚂

hehe, i’m back at it again with one of these long ass posts but this idea’s literally been in my head all day long so here you go !! obvious nsfw warning :)

tw: this whole post is just nsfw and embarrassing to read so read at your own risk >:)

𝙳𝙰𝙸𝙲𝙷𝙸 » during a super intense and loud session, his voice cracked as he asked you “does that feel goOD- good baby?” to this day, he still prays that you couldn’t hear him over the sound of your own moans

𝚂𝚄𝙶𝙰𝚆𝙰𝚁𝙰 » you were riding him and he went to slap your ass, but something went wrong either because you were riding too quickly or he was shaking too much, boy ended up slapping himself in the balls. you’ve never heard that boy scream that loud in your life

𝙰𝚂𝙰𝙷𝙸 » literally pulled out in the middle of sex to get up and rush to the corner of his room to flip around his childhood teddy bears. your just laying there with your tiddies and coochie out waiting for asahi to shield the eyes of mr. wiggles

𝚃𝙰𝙽𝙰𝙺𝙰 » you two were having pretty intense shower sex until tanaka did the number one thing your not supposed to do during shower sex; this muthafucker slipped while holding you. long story short, y’all were okay but just ended up having nasty shower floor sex??

𝙽𝙸𝚂𝙷𝙸𝙽𝙾𝚈𝙰 » this tiny ass 5′2 man was unconsciously humping your leg while you were both asleep?? his presumably pleasurable wet dream had turned into a sudden nightmare when you literally had to KICK him off you to stop the humping. bad nishinoya, bad!

𝙺𝙰𝙶𝙴𝚈𝙰𝙼𝙰 » came WAYYY too early inside you, but he was too embarrassed to say anything so he just... kept going. sadly, no one had warned kageyama of the intense effects of overstimulation. he was shaking and whimpering so badly behind you to the point where you had to ask him to pull out and bring him a glass of water to calm down

𝙷𝙸𝙽𝙰𝚃𝙰 » the first time you squirted on him, he just blatantly asked you these exact few words that left you feeling mortified: “did you just piss on me?” nuh uh hinata, this water fountain ain’t yours to drown in anymore >:( 

𝚃𝚂𝚄𝙺𝙸𝚂𝙷𝙸𝙼𝙰 » kei was hitting it from the back pretty hard this time, so hard that you were suddenly... on an angle? suddenly, now you two were much closer to the floor than before. the bed ended up collapsing, yes literally collapsing due to kei’s powerful thrusts. worst part is, nobody got to finish since kei dragged you to ikea to grumpily buy a new bedframe. but hey, he bought you ikea meatballs; that shit hits so different

𝚈𝙰𝙼𝙰𝙶𝚄𝙲𝙷𝙸 » one super duper intense night, he passed out the SECOND he came. no matter how much you flicked the temple of his forehead, yamaguchi was dead asleep. you had to literally slap him awake to get him to clean up, you ain’t risking a ranky stanky UTI puthy in the morning

𝙾𝙸𝙺𝙰𝚆𝙰 » kept calling himself a sex machine during the act. i don’t know if it was due to the 6 tequila shots he had beforehand or just his inner ego revealing, whatever it was it was about to make your pussy close

𝙸𝚆𝙰𝚉𝚄𝙼𝙸 » this one time, he kept going in at a weird angle which caused you to repeatedly queef for 7 minutes straight. every time you told him to pull out and go in properly, he laughed and kept going in at that one weird angle!! was your embarrassment a turn on for him?? maybe!! but were you mortified? absolutely!!

𝙼𝙰𝚃𝚃𝚂𝚄𝙽 » i’m sorry to have to be the one to announce this, but this man had the worst case of full blown bush you’ve ever seen. like, he didn’t even try to manscape or anything at all. you ended up begging him to trim just a tiny bit because you weren’t gonna risk choking on a pube whilst your going down on him

𝙷𝙰𝙽𝙰𝙼𝙰𝙺𝙸 » rubbed your left labia thinking it was your clit. and he kept doing that. the whole. fucking. time. even when you subtly moved his fingers towards your clit, he just kept going back to the left lip.

𝙺𝚄𝙽𝙸𝙼𝙸 » had the most dry and dull dirty talk you’ve ever heard. like, it’s not even dirty talk at this point; it’s just clean talk. there’s no passion when he talks! he uses the same tone he would use for anyone else at any other moment. to paint the picture, imagine riding kunimi and he’s just there with a furrowed expression like “yup, that feels really good”

𝙺𝚈𝙾𝚃𝙰𝙽𝙸 » tried to pull one of those unexpected anal scenes that he saw from a porno, without telling you beforehand. life lesson here; if you party at shit's house, don't be surprised if shit's at the party

𝙺𝚄𝚁𝙾𝙾 » you two were looking to get a little more kinky in terms of BDSM, so kuroo watched like 30 tutorials on youtube on how to safely tie you up so you won’t fall or anything. this bitch ended up tying rope knots that were practically impossible to undo, which resulted in you hanging from the ceiling for approximately 2 hours pussy-ass naked while kuroo tried to cut you down with a kitchen knife

𝙺𝙴𝙽𝙼𝙰 » wanted to spice things up with some dirty talk, like the real nasty talk they use in pornos but not the normal pornos; the shitty company ones with horrific acting. he really ended up announcing that he was going to “fuck your fucking fanny off, you twat”

𝙻𝙴𝚅 » got super excited while he was opening the lube since he hadn’t gotten to fuck you in a WHILE, which resulted the lube leaked everywhere and a giant 6′5 man slipping and hitting his head on the bed frame. worst part is; he had to go to the ER with a hard on that refused to go away

𝙱𝙾𝙺𝚄𝚃𝙾 » speaking of boners that wouldn’t go away, let’s not forget that one time bokuto took two viagras when you texted him to come over for a special occasion. he horribly misinterpreted the ‘special occasion’ text, because he showed up to your house with a huge buldge in his pants as your parents stand before him holding anniversary cards, completely horrified

𝙰𝙺𝙰𝙰𝚂𝙷𝙸 » wanted to make valentines day sex as romantic as he could, so he did the classic lighting candles and giving roses. everything was beautiful, until he accidently knocked one of the bigger candles over during missionary. this not only caused a huge ass fire in your bedroom, but he came right as the fire began to spread. boy was debating on whether his orgasm was to die for or not

𝙺𝙾𝙽𝙾𝙷𝙰 » had a nose bleed when he was going down on you and you both were immediately horrified, you thinking it was your period and him thinking he just ate coochie blood. yet as you went to go clean up, you realized his face had much more blood on it than your coochie did. to this day, he still blames it on your period 

𝚄𝚂𝙷𝙸𝙹𝙸𝙼𝙰 » threw you onto the bed and your head went through the wall. he didn’t even bother to ask you if you were okay, he just sighed and went “well, now i have to make a call to the construction guy. excuse me” and he left you and your concussed ass head sit there once again, pussy ass naked

𝚃𝙴𝙽𝙳𝙾𝚄 » during a blowjob, he held your head down right as he was coming causing the cum to shoot up your throat and somehow pour out of your nose. by the time he pulled out, he could barely breath from laughing at you. sure, the classic ‘milk shooting out of nose’ thing was funny at first until you got a sinus infection and had to breath out of your mouth for the next three days

𝚂𝙴𝙼𝙸 » always insists having sex in the most inconvenient places?? like he would pull you to side while grocery shopping and start grinding up against you as you pick which brand of cheese would be better??

𝙶𝙾𝚂𝙷𝙸𝙺𝙸 » he kept getting frustrated that his bangs were clouding his field of vision, so he irritably grabbed a hair tie and frantically tied up the sides of his bangs while he was fucking you. you immediately burst out laughing since he looked exactly like boo from monsters inc. 

𝚃𝙴𝚁𝚄𝚂𝙷𝙸𝙼𝙰 » got so drunk that he ended up fucking the couch. like he was just there on top of you, and his dick was just sliding between the folds of the leather couch. you decided to let him finish like that

𝚂𝙰𝙺𝚄𝚂𝙰 » had a really bad reaction to one of the products he used while shaving and ended up getting super irritated down there so he kept having to pull out in-between thrusts to itch his crotch. to make things worse, you joking suggested that he looked like he had syphilis and he got so disgusted at the idea of that thought that he literally had to pull out and take a breather 

𝙾𝚂𝙰𝙼𝚄 » drizzled ‘warm’ chocolate down your chest and was about to seductively lick it off until you screamed in pain and horror as the chocolate was literally burning your skin off. osamu panicked, obviously not knowing what to do if chocolate was burning his partners skin off so he just... frantically licked it off. you still had to go to the ER afterwards to get treated for mild burns

𝙰𝚂𝚃𝚄𝙼𝚄 » didn’t know what a hymen was until the first time he tried to have sex with you. no matter how much he tried to shove his schlong in, it really just wasn’t working + “yer puss is broken”

𝚂𝚄𝙽𝙰 » pinched your nipples so fucking hard to the point where you started crying. he thoughts these were tears of pleasure until you literally had to kick him off you. but hey, he gave you ice for your sore nipples and mcdonalds! what more could a girl possibly want :)

uh the end lol

also, this idea was inspired by the first haikyuu headcanon i ever read, “awkward sex moments” by @bbytetsu <3

[shipsandlattes]

So I know everyone has already dissected this scene to its core, but it’s taken me a good 48 hours to digest this and I just needed to get it out.

I’m an aspiring actor, I’ve been training for a long time, with a lot of amazing teachers. I’ve watched a lot of shows and shipped a lot of couples. Some of them beautiful and canon, others, well, let’s just say waiting 22 years and counting for acknowledgement, closure, anything, it’s a damn challenge. I’ve seen a hell of a lot of will-they-wont-they’s, baiting, purposeful ignorance, deliberate fake outs, zero explanations, storylines that basically caused canon disintegration, the works.

In saying that, Dean and Cas were right up there on the list with the other “impossibles” because honestly, I didn’t think the writers would have the guts to do it, but I am so f*cking proud they did. It’s safe to say I’ve watched the scene a good hundred+ times already. 

I’ve seen a lot of “controversy” around Dean’s reaction/Jensen’s acting choices and whether or not Dean reciprocates Cas’ feelings, and obviously, I needed to add my own views to the mix.

Just work with me for a minute here.

Dean Winchester is an emotionally repressed trainwreck, and ironically enough, the one that is so full of emotion it hurts to watch. When Cas first starts his speech, he’s confused, really confused because why on earth would Cas start off on a rant now? Billie’s waiting to kill them, he just said he knew something that was more powerful than she was, something that could save them. That’s where he thought this speech was going.

The confusion turns to realisation that it’s a goodbye when Cas starts telling him how incredible he is, how his entire essence is love. Go back and watch the scene again, when Cas says “you’re the most caring man on Earth”, you physically see Dean look down, his eyes searching, he’s actively trying to make sense of what’s happening, he knows what’s coming and you can see him coming to terms with the shock of the words being said to him. He then looks directly at Cas. That look, that was pure shock.

Also, notice how he doesn’t stop Cas from talking? He doesn’t interject, make a joke, doesn’t talk about how there is no time for this now, they’ve got to at least try and stop Billie. He. says. nothing. He listens, he listens like I’ve never seen Dean listen before. Because it’s sinking in now.

When Cas really starts crying, when he says “you changed me, Dean”, you can actually see the pain in Dean’s eyes. He’s no longer in control of his emotions, he’s crying too. He’s never seen Cas like this, so raw, and vulnerable and human. This is the hardest, most emotional conversation they’ve both ever had. They are talking about the one thing that everybody knows, but is never addressed. When it wasn’t talked about, they could deny it, live in the lie. Once it’s said aloud, it’s real and they can’t turn back.

This above series of interactions is the part that kills me the most. The moment Cas says “because it is”, that’s the exact moment of realisation. Look at that last GIF, really look. He’s just worked it out, that he is Cas’ true happiness. He knows what’s coming before Cas even says it. Go back and watch the scene again, they pulled that off so well, the way the music swells at this exact moment. Jensen is giving us everything here, you can see what’s happening in his head - he is Cas’ happiness. He is the one thing on Earth Cas wants and thinks he can’t have. He is the reason Cas is about to die. He knows what Cas is about to say and he’s not sure he’s ready to hear it, not now, not like this. It’s almost a silent plea not to say it, because he knows. Of course he knows. It’s like he can’t quite believe Cas is really, after all this time, finally going to say it.

And because obviously Jensen decided that that wasn’t enough to break us, the loaded reaction when Cas says “I love you” has me nothing but convinced that it’s reciprocated. Because Dean knows. He’s always known. Those tears, that head tilt, that gulp. He’s so genuinely confused that they’re really having this conversation. It’s like he can’t quite believe that this is the reality before him because he’s been living in that denial, in that self-loathing and unlovable layer he believes to be true. He’s been under the ‘what if... but it could never be’ umbrella for so long. 

What also makes this real is that there isn’t anyone else around this time. When “I love you’s” have been said before, they have always been able to deflect it, with other people or other words. Now it’s just the two of them. No deflecting, no running away. Dean is forced to hear it, to absorb it, to realise it’s for nobody else but him.

Now, I don’t know if you guys felt this, but when Dean says “Don’t do this, Cas”, he wasn’t just referring to Cas sacrificing himself to the Empty, he’s telling Cas that he can’t just say this, not now, knowing he’s going to die, knowing that Dean won’t get a chance to think, to process, to say what he needs too. I keep staring at that GIF above, Dean is breaking down, I’m almost convinced that Jensen was using an “I love you too, please just stop this” inner monologue for this bit. Look at the way he’s looking at Cas before he realises the Empty has started materialising and turns around. That’s a look of pure heartbreak. Trust me when I tell you, it’s really hard to keep those inner thoughts inside if you’re so in the moment - actually, don’t just take my word for it, read any acting book, ask any actor, it’s so hard to keep that in and sometimes you don’t, and sometimes you do - it’s in both the resistance and the letting go that the gold happens. This my friends, is gold. 

Did anyone else hear “Cas, I-”, well, regardless of whether or not it was an “I” or a very sharp breath, the outcome is the same. Dean’s gone into immediate panic mode. The Empty at one end and Billie at the other, and all poor Dean wants to do is gather his thoughts on not what to say but how to say it. I don’t think he comprehended just how little time he had, he was so focused on what was being said that the reality of the situation caught him completely off guard.

Also, I know this post was about dissecting Dean’s reaction, but can we sidebar a minute to talk about Cas as he pushes Dean out of the way? He’s sobbing, he’s fully crying. That hit me really hard, I’ve never seen Cas cry like that, I’ve never seen Misha get to play that level of emotion before and it was the most heartbreaking thing to watch since The Doctor and Rose and Buffy and Spike, to which by the way, I find many parallels between those couples and this scene.

Speaking of crying, that brings me to this: Dean slumped on the floor, ignoring a call from Sam, sobbing his heart out knowing he’s lost everything. Dean-I’m-emotionally-unavailable-Winchester is sobbing. Maybe I’m wrong, but I don’t recall ever seeing Dean cry like this before either, the sobbing was so evident and piercing in that silence. The look around the room, the burying of his head in his hands, that is a classic writers romantic love trope if I’ve ever seen it, they really pulled out all the stops with this one.

So, to summarise, I think Jensen’s choices and Dean’s reactions were absolutely and utterly perfect. They both did it so well that it didn’t break from character that these two emotionally distant and repressed men are in love and finally voicing it. Jensen barely said two words and still managed to cause mass coronary’s across the fandom. That my friends is what you call a brilliant actor. I bow down to the talents of these two amazing human beings.

Before I leave this novel, I have to say there are now a few things I’m going to need from the powers that be to not screw this up, help me manifest this:

1. Dean gets to reciprocate his feelings to Cas in person. So, I’m gonna need Cas back and a very emotional Dean.

2. Dean to be actively dealing with heartbreak in the next episode (unless they decided to bring Cas back that soon, which I wouldn’t put past them at this point).

3. Sam to confront Dean about his feelings for Cas, because out of everyone, he’d be the one to hit Dean with the truth of his fears. Sam knows. Sam is supportive. Sam sees it all.

4. I’m gonna need some physical affection, cause after 12 years of nonsense, we damn well deserve it. A hug, and not just any old reunion hug, a proper, this is different now hug. A kiss because hello, in love out loud now. Forehead touching, handholding, really gonna need the works here.

5. A happy ending for the two of them, one way or another. We’ve never had one, it’s time.

Okay, have at it now, let’s speak these into existence please.

Note: GIFs are not mine, I did not make them, credit to owners who I’m not sure of, but they’re beautiful, thanks for making them. EDIT: I’ve just been informed that these gorgeous gifs belong to @michaeldean​ and @inacatastrophicmind​! 

[danielxricciardo]

Can you do one with Dani? Maybe with 56&58 from angst prompts, like they have a kid from a fling but aren’t dating/together

Summary: You have a daughter with Daniel from a one-night stand.

Warnings: angst, fluff, swearing

Word count: 1.7k

56. “I was alone with my baby. My own thoughts terrified me. And you never bothered to call.”

58. “I keep trying to be a better mother, even when everything I do seems to backfire.”

You can boast that up until the age of 22 you were a model person.

You were the perfect daughter: you were home every holiday or birthday, you never argued with your parents and you made sure to call them every day since you moved out of their home.

You were the perfect older sister: you gave your younger siblings money without your parents' knowledge, you helped them when they asked for your help, and you tried to give them advice when they needed it.

You were the perfect friend: when your friends called you that they needed a shoulder to cry on, you were right next to them with a box of ice cream.

You were the perfect employee: you always got to work earlier, you stayed after-hours to finish all your work and to help others and you did your job perfectly.

But now you're 24 and everything is fucked up.

You moved in with your parents again and you no longer have that perfect relationship with them. You resigned from your job and from all the gang of friends you had, you were left with only one friend: Emilia.

Why?

Because now you had a daughter, resulting from a one-night stand.

You were a single mother who relied on the help and support of those around her.

Given that there was nothing more than a one-night stand between you and Kiera's father on your birthday night, you didn't know if it would be appropriate to post him on Instagram and say, 'Hey, 'sup, I don't know if you remember me, you drank a lot of whiskey that night, but we fucked and now you have a baby. Congratulations!' What kind of psychopath does that?

Not to mention that he is a public figure, of course, he wouldn't believe you and say you're just a money-obsessed girl; that if he saw the message on Instagram, obviously.

But it was going to be your daughter's second birthday and you were starting to get remorseful. Sure, you accepted your life as a single mother and you knew you wouldn't have a happy ending like in the princess books you read to Kiara, but it wasn't right for your daughter. She needs a father in her life. And it wasn't fair for Daniel not to know he had a daughter. Of course, you can only tell him and it is up to him to choose what to do with this information: whether he wants to be part of Kiara's life or not. At least you would have tried.

That weekend was going to be the Grand Prix of Great Britain and you didn't do much flying there, and, anyway, you could stay with your cousin you haven't seen in about 5 years.

Although your daughter's father was a well-known Formula 1 driver, you have never been to a race, and you were amazed by the very high prices for a ticket with access to the paddock.

You had a choice of which day to go and tell Daniel, probably, the news of his life.

You were sure you didn't want to tell him on Sunday. Before the race? Maybe he had an accident and he would have hurt himself. So no.

Saturday? Before qualifying? If you had told him then he would have gone to qualifications, he would not have focused and he would have come out on a low position. So no.

So you decided on Friday.

You left your cousin's house in the morning for the circuit where the race took place. You passed security without a problem with Kiara. You could walk through the paddock without any problems looking for your baby's father.

You knew that the best chance of finding Daniel was to go to McLaren Hospitality. On the way there, everyone you met stopped to look at Kaira, wondering how beautiful she was. You thanked them and prayed that they would not realize that she was Daniel's daughter, considering that she was almost identical to him; you could take her curly hair and smile as a positive result of the paternity test.

"What a beautiful baby!" you hear a girl standing in front of Red Bull Racing with Max Verstappen, and you immediately realize it's Kelly Piquet; good thing you documented yourself before you came.

You see her come and lean over the stroller.

"Oh my God, what beautiful eyes she has! What's her name?"

"Kiara," you answer and you look panicked as Max comes towards you.

"Look, Max! Isn't she a beautiful girl?"

Max smiles. "Yes, she is."

"What is such a small child doing here? She's going to hear very loud noises."

Damn it. What would you answer now?

"We came to walk around and meet some drivers," you answer as convincingly as you can. "It's never too early to start, right?" you giggle.

The two laughed, apparently they believed you.

But you immediately felt your legs soften and you saw Daniel walking with his teammate. You bit your lip and held on to the stroller better. All the courage left you and you wanted to leave.

"A baby!" Lando gasps and comes towards you.

Wonderful! Everyone behaved as if they had never seen a baby in their life, pathetic.

Daniel came after him, looking at you strangely. Did he recognize you? He also looks at Kiera and smiles.

You could've died there. You wanted to cry and you couldn't take your eyes off Daniel.

The next thing you saw was black.

You woke up lying on a bed, someone was holding a cold water pad on your forehead. And your head hurt a hell of a lot.

"Hey, are you okay?" Lando, who was next to you asks.

"Mhm, my head hurts."

"Oh, yes, you hit yourself a little when you fainted but a doctor came and consulted you while you were still unconscious and said you were fine. Can I get you something?"

"Just water."

"Coming right now," he says and gets up from next to you, leaving the room.

Kiera! Where was she? You get out of bed immediately, even though it made your head spin and you felt like throwing up.

"Hey, hey, hey, calm down!" Daniel says and gets up from his chair with Kiera in his arms.

You look at Kiera and breathe a sigh of relief.

"You seem so familiar to me," says Daniel and you want to faint again. "What's your name?"

"Y/N."

He seemed to be thinking. He didn't know how he knew you and you were afraid to tell him anything now.

"Wait! Spain, 2 years ago! It was like your birthday and we did shots together, right?"

Fuck. He remembered.

"Yes."

Daniel was smiling. Did he only remember the shots in the club?

"About that night..." you say and catch Daniel's attention. You signal to Kiera who is playing with some keys in Daniel's arms.

Daniel looked at the little girl and it was as if you could see the wheels spinning in his head.

"Wait a minute..."

"I brought you water, do you feel bet-"

"Go away!" Daniel shouts at Lando. Lando gets scared and gives you your water bottle then leaves. "What were you saying?"

You bite your lip.

"Kiera is your daughter."

"Dada!"

Daniel was speechless. His eyes were wide and they seemed to be coming out of their sockets and he was looking at Kiera. You didn't know how to interpret his reaction.

"Are you serious?"

"I don't know why you think I'm kidding."

"Are you sure I'm the father?"

You snort and get out of bed, you go to him and take Kiera out of his arms.

"What do you think? That I go to different wealthy men and tell them that they have a baby with me to give me money? I came to tell you because I thought Kiera would do well to have a father in her life. But I see that her father is not interested at all. You haven't even called me in all these years."

Daniel frowns and looks at you.

"What are you talking about?"

"The next morning I woke up before you and left my phone number on a note. I left it on your nightstand."

All the color was drained from his face.

"I didn't see the note."

You snort again.

“I realize it was a bad idea. I was alone with my baby. My own thoughts terrified me. And you never bothered to call.” you say and a few tears run down your face.

"Hey, hey, hey! You don't get to cry! I found out I lost the first few years of her life! You should have come earlier to tell me! You could come here, I don't know, you could contact me on Facebook, Instagram!"

"Yeah, sure! You doubted me now, if you'd have woken up with a message from me on Instagram you would have believed me immediately!"

"I believe you now," he says and puts a hand on your shoulder. "Please, I want to know more about her life. Can you stay?"

You looked at him with tears in your eyes. Is this really happening?

You both sat on the bed and Daniel took his daughter in his arms.

"Her full name is Kiera Hazel. In two weeks she'll be 2 years old." you start saying it with a big smile on your face. "Her first word was 'dada'."

Daniel laughs and looks at her.

"Was it hard to raise her alone so far?"

“I keep trying to be a better mother, even when everything I do seems to backfire. I had to resign from work because I couldn't divide my time between work and her, I moved back with my parents... All my friends left me, so yes, it's been pretty hard. But it's worth it when I see her smile.”

"I'm sorry you had to go through this alone. If you allow me, I want to be in her life. I want to help you."

"That will be great, actually," you smile.

[hobiiwan]

mirror • cpt. rex

pairing: captain rex x gn!reader

warnings: post-order 66 angst, hurt-comfort but i thrive in the hurt

w/c: 1.6k

notes: i'm back with lots and lots of feelings bc i've been ghosted and it's 5 am so i should probably sleep but i hope you enjoy :D

lovely gif credit to @pieklalat!

Framed by distant moons and even further stars, the night sky never seemed more vast. If you closed your eyes, it didn’t take much to picture a Republic Star Destroyer slicing through the atmosphere of the moon whose gravity became inescapable, with you in it.

Glancing over your shoulder at where Rex had made camp for the evening, you could tell he was thinking it too. Though his eyes were closed, it was clear as watching a holofilm; reliving the searing heat of plasma bolts, shot from the blasters of his brothers, the ones he had served beside for years—the same ones he had buried just hours prior.

It felt as though there was a vice wrapped in a deadlock around your heart, constricting your chest until it threatened to collapse in on itself. You exhale sharply, willing yourself to push past the hollow ache of the now-dulled Force connection, the flashing faces of the clones and Jedi who had perished under the Order—the fear they had felt in their final moments. It was now your fear that you would never escape it.

The price of surviving the command settles atop your shoulders, making a home. A bitter, weighted reminder that you are here, alive, when you shouldn’t be—when you aren’t supposed to be.

You collapse onto the ground next to Rex, which pulls him back to the present. His eyelids flutter as he blinks slowly, once at you, then back up to the stretching expanse of the inky black overhead. He lets out a sigh, leaning up on his shoulders to cast a weary glance at his surroundings. “How long was I out?” He questions.

You reply with a thoughtful hum, “Not long. You need the rest, anyway.” It’s true. The day’s events have undoubtedly taken its toll on the both of you. But how does one go about resting after being hunted to the death?

“I’ll take first watch. Get some sleep, cyare.” He says, now sitting upright and then you know there’s no point in fighting it. You both need rest, but with the way Rex’s frame is pulled tense as a bow, his hand twitching ever-so-slightly towards his blaster, you know there’s no way he’d rest easy.

So, you offer him a victory, albeit a minute one. You pull his unarmed hand into yours and close your eyes, feeling the way he lets out a shaky breath, releasing some tension along with it. A victory—you’re still here with him.

Neither of you can be certain how long you stay that way. The low croon emitting from the transceiver is the only sign that time actually passes. Neither of you complain about the noise, either. It didn’t need to be said that the silence—this silence, was much too loud.

You do try to sleep, Rex gives you credit for that. Though, after turning for the fifth time (he counts) you give up and sit up beside him. He’s got his knees pressed to his chest, one hand curled tight around his blaster. In his other, his thumb rubs circles against the back of your hand. The answer to whether it soothes you or himself doesn’t matter.

Wordlessly, your head lowers to his shoulder, propped gently against the curve of muscle.

“Did I ever tell you I wanted to be a singer?” You murmur, glancing at the transceiver. You don’t recognise the singer on broadcast, though you do take note of the melody, slow and mellow.

Rex watches as you even try to hum along, as offbeat as you are.

“No,” he huffs something short of a chuckle, “you didn’t.”

He knows what you’re trying to do, sees it clear as day. Yet, as he watches your feet tap to the tempo of the ballad, he can’t stop himself from humouring your attempt to comfort him.

You nod eagerly, eyes widening as if to express your candor. “I was about to be one, too! Then the Jedi came and…”

Rex waits as you trail off, then clocks the far-off look in your eyes. He picks up where you left off. “Would you sing for me now?”

You return in a split second, your lips pulling into a bashful smile as you avoid his eyes. “I’m definitely rusty by now, I don’t want you losing your hearing because of me.”

The Captain nudges you teasingly, grinning when you break into soft laughter. “It would be an honour, though,” he quips.

He wonders how much of you has been hidden behind the mantle of a Jedi’s title. Who would you have been had you not been brought into the Order, raised from young to be one thing, and one thing only? Who would he be?

Once again, Rex is dragged out of his thoughts. This time, you’re tugging him to his feet. It takes an effort and a half, which you currently lack in your fatigued state.

As he looks up at you questioningly, you motion to the transceiver, dropping his hand to raise the volume. It’s enough to provide a comfortable backdrop instead of a desperate attempt to quell silence.

“Dance with me,” you propose softly, “please?”

“I don’t know how to, mesh’la.”

As if pointedly ignoring his feeble protest, your hand remains outstretched, beckoning his participation.

Maker, he’s only ever seen couples dancing on holofilms and is even more certain he has two left feet. But gazing up at your expectant self is like looking at a promise of escaping the sorrow he now knows as reality.

Really, it’s all up to him.

Rex swears he feels three times lighter from the way you beam in delight when he fits his palm into your smaller ones and helps you lift him to full height.

He stands awkwardly, clueless as to where his hands should go, how he should move. Maybe this wasn’t the best idea.

Below him, you soften at the uncertainty tainting his features. Taking mercy on the poor man, you lift a hand to cup his cheek, garnering his attention.

“Put your hands on my waist,” you murmur, eyes twinkling when Rex’s hands fly up to root himself to you. Your own arms loop behind his neck and he takes it as a sign to pull you into his chest, no stranger to the position.

“and now we sway.”

Such a simple command, yet Rex feels like a fish out of water. His limbs are stiff, like the serenity of the movement is a stranger. To an extent, it is.

When you take over, moving him to the beat instead, he gratefully surrenders, allowing himself a moment of tranquility.

The only sounds that reach him become the silky notes of the singer and your soft, steady breaths. If he tries hard enough, he can pretend to be in a distant galaxy, where he is not a clone and you are not a Jedi, where the war is nothing more than a brash concept and his brothers are alive and well.

Rex doesn’t realise he’s crying until your thumb smooths away a tear rolling down his face. His eyes stay closed as he wills himself to keep pretending, but he can’t.

He is still a clone but you are no longer a Jedi. His brothers are gone.

You hold him when he finally breaks, cradling his head close when his shoulders tremble with the force of his sobs. His tears soak into the collar of your singed robes, but you truly can’t find the will to care—not when the man you love is falling apart, barely held together by the threads of your embrace.

“It wasn’t them,” he chokes, shaking his head, a wretched attempt to convince himself, “—it couldn’t be.”

At that, you’re positive your heart shatters. Stars, he doesn’t deserve this. You wish with all your might to take the pain away, to rewind every clock in the galaxy and then the next, but all you can do is watch.

“It wasn’t,” you nod, lowering your forehead to press against his, “not the real them. You know they loved you.” And by the Maker, you know.

Rex’s hands clutch tightly at your robes, as if letting go of that would mean letting go of you. The last tether to what is now his past, his only constant.

What if you hadn’t made it off the ship? What if Ahsoka hadn’t gotten the chip out of him in time? What if he had hurt you?

He briefly registers your voice calling his name, cutting through the despondent scenarios that could have, by any deciding factor, become his present.

“Rex, my love,” you plead, “please look at me.”

When he raises his eyes, he finds that yours are a mirror of his own. The anguish that parallels his agony. He feels you, your presence. He’s never understood much about the Force, but he thinks this is pretty damn close.

“I’m here,” you whisper. The promise of those two words anchor you both. “‘M not going anywhere.”

You mean it. If you believed it before, there was no chance in any star in the galaxy that anyone would be able to tear you away from him now.

For the current moment, you weren’t sure if there was a place to go, even if you wanted. Less than twenty four hours ago, you had been anticipating the end of the Clone Wars. Now, it feels like you’ve been thrown onto the losing side.

“What do we do now?” Rex asks, but you both know there isn’t an answer. There’s no precedent to go off of.

Two of the finest leaders in the GAR and the Jedi Order are lost, with no one left to follow them.

There’s nothing to do but move on.

“We keep living,” you say with a heavy sigh, burying your face into the crook of Rex’s neck, “we live for them. We’ll find a way.”

You always do.

[honestlyfrance]

SAMBUCKY BOOKMARKS

it’s fic yeah friday over at @fuckyeahsambucky​​​ so i wanna do a lil something something for the fandom :) check out my #fic rec tag for more! 

enjoy the more than 50 fics listed here :) be careful of the tags!

I Am Trying to Break Your Heart by Lunar_Pull

Today is the day that Steve received an invitation to the love of his life’s wedding.

Philopatry by Areiton

"I want to be safe," he says. "But I'm not." "Then why come here? Why put me at risk?" Something flickers in his eyes, little boy lost and utterly cold, and it makes Sam want to give the dude a hug and also pull his sidearm. "I have no reason to hurt you," Winter says. "I don't want to hurt you," Bucky adds, earnestly.

farmhouse by Tazmaster

"You know, I think I'd want a farmhouse."

"A what?" Sam turns to look at him, slightly annoyed. This was the first thing Bucky has said in the past hour and a half they've been cramped in this god forsaken car. He had a knack for impulsively voicing his dumb thoughts at the worst times, but whenever you wanted to know what was actually going on in that head of his, he'd never say.

They were staking out the front gate of a large mansion, very much not a farmhouse. It was mind numbingly boring, being stuck in a beetle with absolutely nothing else to do than stare at the gaudy gates of some rich asshole.

"A farmhouse," Bucky repeats nonchalantly, "If we ever get out of this business, or you know, live long enough to retire maybe--- I want a farmhouse. With a lot of animals."

---

Bucky keeps talking about a farmhouse and it drives Sam crazy, that is until he finally asks why.

Employee Discount by bopeep for queenmab_scherzo

Sam Wilson doesn't love working in a store that makes him wear vanity-sized polos and breathe in clouds of men's cologne like the worst kind of GQ aromatherapy, but the view from his cash register across the mall to the Hot Topic and the sullen Dark Prince of Wallet Chains he loves to hate may just beat the minimum wage blues.

In warm water, swimming down by targaryen_melodrama

“Why are you hiding?””Tired.”Bucky raises an eyebrow. “So you decided to swim.”“So I decided to be alone.”Bucky’s quiet for a moment. “I can go, if you want.”It’s the last thing Sam wants.

I figured out what the slashes mean by Teaismycoffee

Sam, Steve and Bucky are all living together in a safe house. Bucky and Sam discover fan fiction written about them. Steve doesn't approve. Sam and Bucky are really into secretly reading fan fiction together, or maybe it isn't the fan fiction part they are really into.

Chicken Soup for the Soul by bioloyg

“S’not my bed time,” Sam says as he buries his face in Bucky’s upper arm. Bucky laughs. “Tough. You’re sick.” Sam lets out a loan groan and says, “But my bed is cold. I was so warm, why’d you move me?” “Because your neck would’ve hated you if I didn’t.” He tries not to be so amused by how fussy Sam is when he’s both sick and half-asleep. It’s cute. ~ A fic wherein Bucky takes care of a sick Sam.

two nights in L.A. by CapnWinghead

Bucky kindly volunteered Sam to be a groomsman for Scott’s upcoming wedding. Of course, that meant Sam and Bucky had to go to the bachelor party.

at the end of the war (what's mine is yours) by notcaycepollard

They don't talk about it: that's how it works.

I'd Like That by honestlydarkprincess

Sam has been up for over 24 hours and has been dreaming about his Coffee Caramel Fudge non-dairy ice cream since about the 18-hour mark. When he gets to the store, there's only one carton of it left and, unfortunately for the guy innocently holding said carton, Sam's not leaving without it.

Or, the one where Sam is sleep deprived, yells at a cute guy, and gets both ice cream and a phone number out of it.

Ready, Set, Date! by bioloyg

Bucky wants to sleep, Natasha wants to find him a date for Steve's wedding (so he'll leave her alone), and Sam is the best thing about this whole speed dating disaster. But, Sam's not in the speed date rotations - he's at a different table weathering through dates just like Bucky is. ~ "Three dates in, Bucky decides he has made one of the worst decisions in all of his life by coming here. His first date had been an attractive enough man by the name of Greg. He introduces himself as “The Big G,” to which Sam laughs at in the middle of introducing himself to his own date. Greg likes to talk about cars a lot, which is fine. Bucky also likes cars. The only problem is that Greg’s love for cars borders on… erotic."

We'll rise up free and easy by Sarsaparilla, woofgender

Steve and Natasha are away on a mission when Sam receives intel about the Winter Soldier’s location. When he follows the lead, Sam finds something unexpected—but despite his initial impression, it’s certainly not all bad. (Post-CATWS, not AOU- or CACW-compliant.)

__________ "'Jesus Christ,' Sam said, 'Are you planning on fighting an entire army?'

Barnes looked up from examining the sights of a sniper rifle. '...no,' he said, a little guiltily, and adjusted one of the--five? Six? guns he’d already strapped to himself."

love is in the air (i smell coffee) by Flora_K, hermionesmydawg

Sam Wilson - graduate student, part-time barista, part-time salesman, and full-time father - doesn't have time to sleep, much less date. At least, that's what he tells himself.

Up at Night by bioloyg for lunaaltare

With Halloween nearing, Sam is feeling more in the mood for a scary movie than usual. He'd never watch one on his own though, so he invites his roommate to pick one out and join in on movie night. or Prompt fill for Samtember ~ "It’s quiet for a while after that. Like always, the two of them start on opposite sides of the queen sized bed with at least a foot of space between them. And, like always, they drift closer to one another as time passes, though whether it’s habitual or instinctual Sam would never dare delve into."

flowers in darkness, the moon above the sea by 27dis

Sam enjoyed his job, really.

But, not when a certain person came in.

A quick detour and a sudden arrival by iwillnotbecaged for heuradys

He found Wilson shivering in the snow, left for dead. Sloppy.

You couldn’t trust the elements to do your job for you. They were rarely so obliging.

A mission gone awry, unexpected help, and close quarters makes for an interesting couple of days.

Don't lock the door on me by TuskFM

Sam’s desperately trying to sleep when he gets a visit from the Winter Soldier at three a.m., bleeding and asking for help. Sam’s not the kind of guy who let someone bleed out on his front door, even if the said someone threw him off an helicarrier and stole his wheel.

and i run, further than before by hermionesmydawg

"What do they call you?" Bucky carefully pulls out an equal amount of caramel and cheese kernels of popcorn and pops them into his mouth. "Birdman?"

"No."

"Captain Canary?"

"Hell no."

"The Winged Avenger?"

"Falcon, dammit, and I am not an Avenger," Sam snaps, and now he's kinda pissed because yes, it's a bird name. He didn't sign up for this kind of ridicule from an amnesiac assassin.

***

Basically, the 5 times Sam actually found Bucky and the 1 time he tried to hide from him. Don't tell Steve.

Exquisite Flavor by enchantedlightningwrites for honestlyfrance

W&M's Grand Corner's growing to be one of the popular restaurants in New York, where Sam Wilson works as a chef for his sister. A wedding's in a few weeks and he has no idea on what to do about it. Notorious for his picky taste and blunt reviews, Bucky 'Winter Wolf' Barnes pays a visit. Little did he know, food could really win one's heart and lands on his stomach.

He's a Beta, You Hear That? by 27dis

Reasons why Sam didn’t realize Bucky was courting him this entire time: 1. He is a beta 2. He is oblivious 3. He thought Bucky is way out of his league 4. He is a beta for fuck’s sake

See? It’s hardly his fault for not noticing it. Why was Bucky flirting with him anyw—

Oh. Oh.

Or; Bucky swore flirting with someone was never this hard before.

stay where we belong by glittercake

He doesn't know what the hell he's doing when he turns around and shouts, "Yo! You know what—" and Barnes turns on his heel in a flash, "It's getting late, man. Looks like rain."

Sam motions to the grey sky above, and Barnes follows his eyes beyond the hanging Willow branches. "Yeah? What are you saying?"

He's got that terribly smug look on his face, the one Sam can't stand but kind of misses when it's not irritating him. But mostly, he can't stand it, "Nothing! Forget about it!"

Arms Spread Out Wide, Turn Falling Into Flight by irisesandlilies

It was easy, nothing has ever been easy for Bucky. Except this, and that terrifies him.

Years in the making by glittercake

Bucky and Sam meet as two young soldiers, but the time is never quite right to make it anything more. Until it eventually is.

or

Sam refuses to let himself fall in love while he's deployed. Bucky pines endlessly for years about the prettiest bird he’s ever seen. Sam’s no better.

If At First You Don't Succeed by SonnyD

Bucky finally gains the courage to tell Sam about his feelings. He comes up with a list of methods to woo him that were bound to succeed. He didn't account for each and every one of them failing in unexpected ways. The five times that Bucky attempts to woo Sam and the one time that Sam returns the favour.

if i could take us back, if i could just do that... by safelikespringtime

Bucky laughed, cheeks flushing red, “I’m glad you didn't. Don't know what I’d do without my wingman.” Sam groaned, poking Bucky’s side, “That was awful.” Bucky laughed. “You couldn’t survive without me. We both know it.”

How right he was.

***

Sam dies. Bucky mourns.

Strawberries and Cigarettes always taste like you by winterscaptsam

There’s a sweet agonizing simplicity in leaving behind your safe haven, like the thrill of adrenaline, reaching the top of Everest, allowed to admire its beautiful icy view but with the everlasting fear of not making it back down. Maybe that's why it was a natural instinct for Bucky to reach out for the closest thing that felt like home, slowly then all at once falling for the sweet warmth of mahogany eyes, what soon became his safe haven.

Baked With Love by Siancore

Bucky Barnes’ family owns a bakery in a small town. High school has long been over, and Bucky is dying to move to the city to pursue a musical career with his band. And his future looks promising, if he can just persuade his father to let him leave his job behind at their struggling family bakery.

It is no secret that Bucky used to love baking with his father, but things change. He just can’t fathom wasting his life away watching rising dough and hot ovens. With his mind made up to leave, Bucky convinces his father to advertise for a replacement. While interviewing candidates to fill the position he has vacated, Bucky meets Sam Wilson: An easy-going guy who is as eager about baking as Bucky is about leaving. They bond over baking and become close. Love looks like it is ready to bloom between them if Bucky, in his haste to escape, does not ruin it.

Beneath this Crown by winterscaptsam

Sam traces his fingers from James’ hairline, down to his jaw, resting the pad of his thumb on James lips. He will let himself relish in this feeling. Not even the sculptors, painters or poets could carve their words and materials to accurately describe this.

“Do you think the history books will remember us?” Sam had once asked. And James’ words were made of the purest of golds, “my love, we will be legends for the children yet to come.”

Or

Sam Wilson and Bucky Barnes' love story, one a prince and the other a knight.

make my body come alive (i've got a right to hurt inside) by notcaycepollard

The body is weak. The body is hungry and soft and human. He looks at himself in the mirror, the bones of his shoulders, his cheeks hollowed out from hunger, and he thinks, gentle, you didn’t deserve this.

safe like spring time by quidhitch

“I already told you it looks good. What more is there?”

“I don’t know, man, you’re gonna live here. I just wish I knew a little bit more about how that’s sitting with you.”

Sam knows Bucky feels fine. What Sam’s probably actually after is how he feels about the fact neither of them have anywhere else to go, not with Natasha dead and Steve wrinkly. Therapists. Even the good ones, always so circular.

“I like the terrace,” Bucky offers, mostly to appease him.

Airy Laundry by AmarieMelody

Sam watches what happens when Bucky buys a clothesline.

lucky by CapnWinghead

In retrospect, it took Bucky an embarrassingly long time to realize that everyone and Scott's mom thought he and Sam were dating.

not an end, but (the start of all things) by notcaycepollard

They keep driving, for lack of anything better to do. A mission, Sam had said, and maybe that's true; maybe wherever they're headed is the way out, the way up.

So You Run On Gasoline by 343EnderSpark, ABitNotGoodieBag, OriginalCeenote

Bucky may have bitten off more than he could chew with this job, he thinks, as he ambles along the sidewalk to the cafe after leaving campus. He is running off the fumes of exhaustion and hasn’t had more than 3 hours of uninterrupted sleep in the past week. Between his students and his thesis, he knows that it’s foolish to try so hard to hang on to his barista gig, but DC isn’t a cheap place to live and Bucky can’t live with other people.

Bucky is just trying his best, despite being a human disaster.

we could jump the state lines (we only get the one life) by notcaycepollard

It starts in Paris.

“You can’t steal things just because you like them,” Sam tells Bucky, feeling innately that this is a losing battle, and Bucky cocks his head to the side, considers Sam very thoughtfully.

“Really,” he says. “I’m stealing you, aren’t I?”

we were a fire with no smoke by notcaycepollard

Sam can’t help but roll his eyes. Take the boys out of New York but they’re still Brooklyn Catholics, that’s clear enough. Bucky catches the gesture, smirks hard enough Sam can see his eye teeth. It should be dangerous but he’s beautiful, pale and charming and recklessly easy.

“You wanna come in?” Sam asks, ignoring the noise Steve makes, and Bucky’s smile gets wider.

“Yeah,” he says. Steps up close to Sam. “I do.”

Peace Begins with a Smile by Siancore

Bucky just likes the way Sam smiles.

They're Good Drones, Brent by chase_acow

When Redwing becomes infected with an alien A.I., Sam has to balance the needs of the team with his own curiosity about his new partner. Redwing isn’t the only one acting strange, he also needs to get to the bottom of Bucky’s weirdness. It takes a training exercise gone wrong that Redwing and Sam might not survive for their secrets to be exposed.

Wet Asphalt (This Is What Love Is) by ObviouslyOtter

Soft words in the dark tell us all we need to know about love. Better when they come from the person you need to hear it from most. It's crueler when you don't realize it till afterward.

Or

Sam and Bucky go out shopping for candles.

i'm gone by bi_marvel

After infiltrating a Hydra base, Sam and Bucky are sent to a safe house, and there's only one bed. Oh, golly, I wonder what will happen!

Covert Coffee & Flirtation Special by glittercake

The reporter says "—for Captain America to—"

And Bucky rolls his eyes. "Oh, here we go."

Sam looks at him then tips his head sideways, got a weird grin on his face. "Not a fan?"

"Not that. Just… the guy seems too good to be true, right? Wings and a shield? Come on."

"Uh, is that why your eyes are like glued to the screen whenever he's on?" Kate says. "Is that why you call him Captain Tight Ass?"

"He's a goddamn show-off, and you know it. Tight ass or not."

Just then Sam snorts, real loud, grabs his coffee and suffers a horribly controlled laugh on his way out the door.

The Starting Line by birdlight

A Series

Lone and Level Sands by quantum_consciousness

The almost-smile disappears off Sam’s face and he takes a step deeper into the water, and he starts unbuttoning his shirt as he wades further. One look over his shoulder and he chucks the shirt to shore, and Sam dives into the water. The ache in Bucky’s chest deepens as Sam swims. He supposes, Sam has lost a lot more, he supposes, sometimes Sam feels as lonely as he used to.

in which love doesn’t ruin us by joesnick

“Idiot,” Bucky said, so natural and deliberate that she couldn’t hear well but it was there. Relief and happiness under a small light. “Don’t do that to me again.”

“Hey, I’m here,” Sam said, before getting closer and pressing his forehead against Bucky’s. “I’m here.” They ran out of words. They didn’t need them, not at that moment. Their steadying breaths and their tenderness, saved only for each other and fed by each other, was all they needed.

Ride of Shared Melodies by enchantedlightningwrites for honestlyfrance

Two strangers, Bucky Barnes and Sam Wilson meet in an unexpected encounter in the airplane. Over the course of the ride, they discover their mutual love for music and connect.

Let's Fly Away by Unclesteeb

"If I could fly, I could go anywhere. I could do anything.”

Sam’s mom gives his shoulder a gentle pat. “You can in your own way.”

“How?”

“Sammy, all you have to do to be as free as a bird is to just do the right thing.”

Sam furrows his brow. “What does that mean?”

“Well,” Sam's mom starts. “The right thing is doing nice things for people. It's treating everyone how you would want to be treated. It's going out of your way to help people and love them, even if they're not nice to you at first or at all. People deserve love, and I know you have plenty to give.” She leans down to give his cheek a kiss. “All you have to do to find your wings and fly free is to just do what you feel is right. You have a beautiful heart, Sam. I know you'll use it the right way. Then you'll fly.”

Been one of those days (can I lean on you?) by hazel_eyed_bi

Sam and Bucky wrap up an exhausting, weeks-long mission, only to go back to their mutual pining while forced to share a bed at a crappy motel. Also, Nat knows what's up.

Find your love and fight for it by winterscaptsam

Sam learns to love again, quiet and composed. Love letters stay in between walls and stolen kisses don’t leave his apartment. It's not that it's a secret, loving Bucky the way he does, lord knows he’d scream it from the rooftops, travel all the way to space to let any living life form know it as well. But that’s the problem, he just doesn’t know how and it aches him to his core to keep Bucky like a secret, like this love is something to be ashamed of.

Or

Sam decides it's about time to come out.

Kings of Everything by glittercake

Twenty-five years after the events at a popular New York Bistro, Timothy DumDum Dugan tells the true story of infamous mobster Jimmy Buchanan and the man he gave it all up for.

arson we commit by winterscaptsam

Bucky seeks adventure, reaches out for an adrenaline rush whenever he can get it and he reckons this fellow will be the one to give it to him. All sweet smiled and dolled up figure showing off his attributes. Like he’s daring anyone to take the rush.

So, Bucky goes and gets what he wants.

“What’s your damage, doll?”

Or

Bucky is the hitman and Sam is the target.

The Boys of Summer by Siancore for avintagekiss24

Sam Wilson returns home to the small town he grew up in to complete his med school residency. He hasn’t been back for an extended amount of time since he left for college. While he only consistently kept in touch with childhood friend, Steve Rogers, he was keen to see the people he had grown up with. With the exception of Bucky Barnes. They had a falling out the summer before Sam left for college. What happened between them? Can they move past it now that they’re adults?

Sam's Plan by OhHelloFandoms123

“I have a plan,” Sam said smugly, hands on his hips. “I have a three-step plan for you to marry me.” At first, he thought he was joking. Then, he saw Sam’s genuine smile.

Bucky groaned, “there is no way in HELL that I’m marrying YOU, Wilson.”

Wreck In the West by OhHelloFandoms123 for honestlyfrance

There’s just something about leaning on his chest as the sun goes down and the smell of tea whilst into the air feels so amazing. And he was a wreck because of it, it tore him apart and put himself back together because it was so blissful, he almost couldn’t breathe at first.

OR

Gay cowboy proposal.

Belonging Season by OhHelloFandoms123

Sam Wilson and Bucky Barnes have lived their most happy, married life for 70 years. Death won’t stop them today for living an eternity.

neverending; by glittercake

Sam passes away after a long and happy life with Bucky, but Bucky never ages and life keeps introducing him to Sam's reincarnates for the next 156 years.

Lighthouse by glittercake

This guy’s trouble. Bucky knows that in his bones. It’s not bad trouble, is the problem, it’s good. Sam is so goddamn inherently good and if Bucky even touches that with a ten foot pole—fuck if he even looks at it—it’ll turn to shit.

He can’t afford another move to yet another city because his colleagues started recognizing Brock’s fist prints on his face.

But Sam is a ridiculously bright glowing light, a beacon, and Bucky goes toward it like that idiotic moth to the flame.

masterlist | ko-fi | patreon

[tricktster]

the twilight series suddenly makes 100% more sense if you read them under a specific premise that, i contend, is heavily supported by the text:

Much like Amy’s diary in Gone Girl, the books in the Twilight Saga are verbatim reproductions of in-universe diary entries carefully and deliberately created and curated by badass unreliable narrator Bella Swan as a means to achieve immortality.

Prerequisite assumptions:

1) Bella actively and persistently wants to become a vampire, both diagetically and (I contend) non-diagetically. The average vampire novel format often fails to capture realistic human behavior in one highly specific area: the protagonists are frequently mortals who grapple with the choice of whether to become a vampire. This is stupid, because being a vampire would obviously be dope as hell; particularly in the Twilight Universe, where vampires are not required to take a human life to survive, and indeed, have the capacity to live full and rewarding lives while integrated* into the human community.

(*integrated-ish; see Assumption 6)

2. There are too many coincidences for Bella to have encountered the Cullens by sheer chance, only to be the ONE person that Edward can’t live without (due largely to the novelty factor of not being able to read her ding-dang thoughts.)

3. Diagetically, the Volturi don’t even know Bella’s psyonic gifts until New Moon, but we also know that the Volturi scour the globe for recruits to enlist into the protection of their governing body.

4. Nobody wants to be a voiceless cog in a bureaucracy.

5. Nobody, and especially nobody in high school, wants to be a high school student forever.

6. Vampires in twilight are, as a group, cartoonishly terrible at disguising their true nature.

7. Forks is a backwater town approximately 3.5 hours away from the biotech hub of Seattle.

7. George W. Bush and Dick Cheney can eat my farts and they deserve to be preserved in this snapshot of an innocent author’s mind slowly unraveling.

Proposed timeline:

In 1993, there is a key system meltdown at a improvised biohacking startup in Seattle, rendering all innovative genetic modification experiments into a puddle of brown sludge that nobody can figure out how to dispose of per Federal regs, since they don’t even know what it is.

The broke founder of the startup, who for the purposes of this timeline I will call Jeff Bezos because that’s who it was, eventually grows tired of all the discussion about what to do, and just pops it in a barrel, drives a few hours out of town, and dumps it in a pond.

Bella Swan, a small child, is hanging out at a park with her family friend Jacob Black (and a ton of his friends) when they all decide to wade in a slightly murky pond. Thereafter, they are transformed.

Bella grows up as a normal, highly powerful mutant with a +20 to deception checks and wisdom saves. She lives in Arizona, but up until 2002, summers in Forks. While in Forks, she picks up on the local lore about a family of vampires who don’t eat people.

Because Forks (population: 17 + Charlie’s mustache) is boring, Bella bones up on the only interesting thing about it, i.e. Vampire Hometown baybeeeee.

In 2000, George W. Bush gets elected president, and his evangelical politics and general bumbling ineptitude informs Bella’s opinions on authoritative governmental entities.

In 2001, the Cullens make their intention to move back to Forks known, but they take a while because they need to pack all their stupid graduation hats and volvos, etc.

Later in 2001, a psychic Volturi scout rolls through Forks to ensure that nobody within living memory recalls the Cullens, and notices an anomaly in the psychic field.

The scout goes to confront Bella about joining the Volturi, and Bella immediately clocks him as a vampire, because vampires in the Twilight Universe fucking suck at looking/acting human. This leaves the scout in a bind: she’s too valuable to kill, but she’s a pre-teen, and therefore too young to be transformed per Volturi authority.

The scout warns her he’ll have to kill her if she discusses the existence of vampires with any human. He then tells her he’ll be back in five years, and begins to sweet talk her on how good life will be when she’s a vampire, beautiful, immortal, powerful, etc. Bella asks if she has to kill, and dude says “nah, actually there’s a bunch of vegetarian vampires who are moving back here soon. Fucking nerds, but otherwise they’re doing well.” Bella is all about becoming a vampire, because Bella is a rational actor.

Bella moves to Arizona, and as the wars in Afghanistan and Iraq are unjustifiedly initiated, she recognizes that while she DOES want to be a vampire, she does NOT want to be a foot soldier in any war that she can’t support. She needs a plan.

In 2004, Bella is watching her step-dad’s minor league baseball game when it occurs to her. On her own, she’s a target for the Volturi, but if she had some people to watch her back, she might be okay. Of course, nobody fucks with the Volturi on behalf of some rando human. She’ll need to con her way into a coven who’ll have her back and also give her that +10 to constitution via vampiric transformation, which she desperately wants because she’s a rational actor. And where are the non-volturi vampires that might have her back? Fucking Forks.

Bella moves to Forks in 2004, and upon seeing the Cullens, she immediately clocks them as vampires even though they left their “we’re all vampires” booty shorts at home, because, as previously discussed, vampires in the Twilight Universe fucking suck at looking/acting human.

Bella notes that all the vampires but one are paired off in heterosexual bliss, and takes note of the straggler as a potential vehicle to vampyrdom.

Bella figures out that Eddie can read everyone’s mind but hers, because Edward Cullen fucking sucks at looking/acting like a human who can’t read minds. Bella further observes that Eddie has a huge undead boner for her.

She’s found her mark. Now she just needs to convince him that she’s better off as part of the coven than on her own. Problem: Eddie’s a self-pitying insufferably guilt-striken perpetual adolescent who keeps himself busy by feeling sorry for himself because he’s a vampire, angst angst angst etc etc. Also, I think he’s Catholic, so add some more guilt in. She’ll have to win him over by convincing him that they’re destined to be soulmates.

What does a vampire used to having complete insight into everyone’s mind but his crush’s want? A method to know what she really thinks of him. Bella begins writing a “diary” knowing that there’s no way in hell Eddie won’t sneak in and read it. So she Gone Girls it, and begins to lay a trap to lure him in. That first diary? Twilight.

This was just in the movie but a stoner chases her around with a worm on a stick. Nothing to do with this theory, I just like that part of the movie. Where’s my spinoff about that guy?

Eddie won’t give Bella what she wants (eternal life) by the end of book 1, even though she asks him to EXTREMELY POLITELY. Time to hit the diary with some more promises of undying love.

Bella reconnects with her old friend Jacob and the rest of the Mutated By Jeff Bezos Boys. Alas, they cannot turn her into a physically powerful sexy immortal with a bite, so she’s still stuck with plan A) win over a whole family of vampires with big Mormon energy. It’s the long con.

Edward’s angst abruptly takes a swing towards terminal. He’s absolutely your classic sadboy, perhaps because Bella now has one (1) friend that he knows about.

When Eddie begins to drift away on account of Angst, Bella conjurs up a secondary love interest who, coincidentally, is ALSO a sexy supernatural entity, and is much less coincidentally just Jacob.

We should establish here that Edward is like a 107 year old white dude and so even though Diary!Bella pretends not to see it, Metatextual Frame Story!Bella knows that dude is super racist.

Jacob Black is three things: 1. Like Bella, a mutant (although one with shapeshifting abilities), 2.one of Bella’s oldest and most trusted confidants, and 3. down to clown on an elderly teenage vampire who keeps stereotyping him. Sure, says Jacob, I’ll take the form of a werewolf. He seriously thinks we’re all just beastmen, huh? Hey look at me now, I’m Regis Philbin because this is 2005 and Who Wants to be a Millionaire is still sort of relevant. Sick.

Edward does not like that Bella has one (1) other friend. Bella and Jacob plot to use this to their advantage and lure Edward back on the wings of jealousy.

Eddie gets himself into trouble on account of Angst and poor communication, so Bella has to go rescue him from himself/the Volturi.

Aro finally meets her and gets to test her powers, which impress him. Now she’s back on the fucking radar.

I forget everything that happens in Eclipse, so i have chosen to omit that part.

Eventually she extracts a quid pro quo from Eddie; i’ll marry you if you turn me into a dracula.

We don’t really call ourselves that, Wet Blanket Cullen replies, entirely earnestly.

Bella gets married at 18 in 2006, and Eddie starts to backtrack his promise about changing her. This won’t stand.

Well, look, he’s an elderly guilty catholic/mormon teen who probably still uses super racist terms, but she’s stuck on honeymoon island, he has certain angles that work for him, and seriously what are they gonna do but fuck? Bella’s alternative is listening to her “husband” drone on about his interests, which are almost certainly Car, How Do I Post a Minion Picture on Facebook, and Licorice Used To Be a Lot Cheaper in the Good Old Days.

Whoops a fetus.

Bella recognizes that she’s GOT to have this baby: time’s running out, and Bella knows that at least two of the Vamps in her coven will cut ties if she terminates or otherwise fails to carry this baby to term because of the conservative religious subtext. She’s going to have to stick it out for 9 months, even though it’s a risky call.

Bella gets what she wants after giving birth. “My time as a human is over, but I've never felt more alive. I was born to be a vampire.” That’s a direct quote. Except now she’s got a (pretty cute and easy) baby that she desperately wants to protect from Turning Into A Vaguely Religious Cullen Dressed Head To Toe In Cream Colored Wool.

Bella decides to fake her own death and escape with the kid and Jake so they can form i guess a detective agency. Bella will get “killed” by the Volturi, move to Sydney, and open up shop, and Jake will take the kid after her a few months later.

They’re gonna need a reason why Jake gets the kid though, and there’s only one reason to do anything amongst the Cullens: a heterosexual love interest with a super problematic age gap.

Jesus, Jake sighs, is Eddie really going to believe I’m in romantic love with your actual infant? Does he really think that little of me?

Yup.

Bella tries to draw the Volturi’s attention.

Works too well.

The Cullens call up all their vague acquaintances, who are at least kind of fun. Particularly that one dude who keeps getting angry about British conduct during the American Revolution.

Well, fuck, now the Volturi are bringing an army to fight their ragtag army of Vampires Who Are Cool And Interesting Enough That We Can Safely Presume They Are All Definitely Gay. Bella can’t let those guys die, they’re the first actually compelling vampires she’s ever talked to.

Bella saves the day because she’s OP.

All the Cool Vamps start packing up to leave and Bellz almost goes with them, but the Cullens would just keep sending missionaries after her if they knew.

Bella finishes her fourth journal with the vague warning that the Volturi are still out there somewhere and they miiiight just try and get her.

Two days later, she stages a scuffle and gets the fork out of Fucks. Her journals are the only clue.

Sirius Black and baby nessie follow once edward has stopped sobbing into his cream colored sweater and moved on to Extended Power Pouting.

Bella recruits her own army of fledglings.

Bella stages a coup against the Volturi and succeeds.

Bella sits on the iron throne with a hot lady vampire on each knee and they all kiss and stuff.

Nessie I guess forms a post punk band?

Edward dies from aspiration of a brussel sprout that he ate because he just wanted to feel something.

Charlie and Billy get married.

Charlie’s mustache develops a cult instagram following, providing them with a modest retirement income.

Jacob shapeshifts into Bill Murray and is always crashing weddings.

Bella’s stepdad is off in the B plot this whole time winning the world series with the help of a kooky angel.

There. Fixed. My soul is at rest.

[raisinghellonstarbug]

Stumbled Into Laughter, Stumbled Into You - A James Acaster x Reader Story

Basic plot: The year is 2019, and life has been quite dull for you since working in a job that you hate for the past two years after graduating from university. You used to do stand up comedy at uni, but you’ve been putting off pursuing it due to lack of confidence and motivation. Your best mates decide to encourage you to try a comedy mic night for the first time ever and while there you incidentally run into an old mate of yours, comedian Rhys James. That’s when your life gets turned around as you end up diving into the world of the comedy circuit and becoming close with other famous British comedians. In the midst of it all, you end up meeting a particularly distinctive red headed fellow who might end up being the very thing that brings meaning to your life again.

*

A/N: Hello Acaster fans!

So this was an idea I have had in mind for the last few months and I finally finished the first chapter of my story!

Just so you know, the first chapter does not include James, but be patient as he will appear soon (but maybe not quite as soon as you hope). I do reckon it will be worth the wait for his appearance, or at least I hope the story is still enjoyable! It is a slow burn so if you are an inpatient person, then this story might not be for you ;)

You can read this chapter below or if you prefer, there is also the link to the chapter posted on Ao3 right here: https://archiveofourown.org/works/33748507

-

Rating: M

Chapter 1 word length: 2326

Characters: James Acaster (duh), Original Female Characters(s), Original Male Character(s), Rhys James, Ed Gamble, Nish Kumar, Josh Widdicombe

Relationships: James Acaster x Reader/you, Original female character/Original Male character

Story tags: Romantic comedy, domestic fluff, slow burn, fluff and smut, British comedy, eventual relationships

Tagging: @laurabeech @rilannon @jasclearwaters @marklily @queensantiagoofthe99

Chapter 1 - Summer 2019

You were sitting at your desk at your mundane job, practically ready to blow your brains out on the usual, dull Thursday afternoon. It was really warm and stuffy inside the fifteen story office block building situated in Canary Wharf. This was a place you found yourself five days a week, doing the typical 9 to 5 hours. A usual day for a usual person.

Your job wasn’t a particularly riveting one. As an underwriter for an insurance company, some days could get especially boring. You knew how to do the job well, but it was not something you really loved. It involved all kinds of clients and claims in paperwork and it sometimes felt tedious and unfulfilling. But hey, it still paid your share of rent and bills. At least you could say you could manage in the hustle and bustle of the London lifestyle.

It was nearly hometime and you were itching to get home and relax. But before that could happen, there were those last set of insurance cover forms you had to copy to get sent to the HR department. And so you typed away on your laptop, clickety clack, clickety clack… the minutes went by like a chalk on a blackboard, scraping away at a snail’s pace.

You put your full force of concentration on the documents on the screen until it was finally done. A sense of achievement was necessary in these moments despite your lack of enthusiasm. It was in the little victories you reminded yourself. You rubbed the sweat from the July heat off your forehead.

* * *

The last 2 hours eventually passed by and it was soon the rush to get out of the door before you got held up by your colleagues. They were nice enough, but sometimes they could hold you back for half an hour chatting when you just wanted to get home, or your manager might try and get you to stay an hour overtime.

Thankfully you did get out promptly, and as you ran and dashed out of the office building saying brisk goodbyes to coworkers, you managed to make it to the tube with the train just arriving on time. But not without being moderately sweaty and hot though. Bloody stuffy platforms.

As expected it was still a busy train with plenty of 5pm finishers getting themselves situated on the half crowded carriages, but as it was only 10 past, it wasn't the worst time of day for commuting yet.

You perched yourself on one of the tube’s seats and let your shoulders drop, having held the tension in your body from sitting at a desk all day. You placed your head slightly back, balancing it on the window of the train. You looked up momentarily above you and then lifted your head back up to look at your phone and choose a song to listen to on Spotify through your wireless earphones.

The streams of sound from one of your favourite songs began to play softly in your ears and you smiled, knowing that the song gave you a little bit of wistful joy. You started mouthing the words.

Call it all for nothing, but I'd rather be nothing to you. Than be a part of something, something that I didn’t do (Best to You - Blood Orange).

The words half mean something but not necessarily anything. You began to wonder about being part of something that you’re not.

I just wish I could float away from my unexciting existence… you thought to yourself.

It sometimes occurred to you that you might have wanted something more out of life, but weren’t entirely sure what. It doesn’t make you dreadfully sad, but you know that life for you hasn’t exactly been the best it could be, and that perhaps something was missing. You wish you knew what it was.

You sighed, ignoring the feeling of sorrow wash over you momentarily and propped yourself back up in the uncomfortable seat of the train. You tried to keep yourself awake so that you wouldn’t miss your stop. The music continued through your ears.

* * *

You opened the door of the three bedroom flat that you had been residing in for the last two years with your flatmates and sighed with relief that you had finally reached home. You hurried to get your handbag off your shoulder and your shoes off, placing them on the rack next to the front door and walked through the hallway.

The minute you poked your head through to the lounge, bellowing a faint hello to whoever was around, you were suddenly greeted by one of your best friends and flatmates, Grace.

“Ahh Y/n! You’re home. Thank christ!”

She grabbed you and reached her arms around to embrace you tightly. You were perplexed by this gesture as it was so random and unusual given that Grace lived with you and saw you everyday of the week. You frowned and reluctantly placed your arms around her to return the hug.

As she then let go, she looked at you with urgency in her eyes and shrieked with excitement, “Oh Y/n guess what? It looks like I’m up for a promotion! Can you believe it?”

Now processing the reason for such an embrace, you raised your eyebrows in glee and smiled proudly, gushing back to your best mate who was obviously chuffed by the matter.

“Oh wow Grace, that's fantastic! I mean, finally. It is about bloody time!”

She smiled, “Yes I guess it is. But I mustn't get too excited. I haven’t officially got the promotion yet.”

“Ah but no. I’m not having any of that. You will get that promotion. It is a guarantee. They would be idiots to not give it to you.” Grace rolled her eyes and bit her lip. She reluctantly nodded and agreed.

The smell of food distracted you momentarily from the conversation. It was a particularly appetising smell.

Grace uttered, “Yes that smell is good isn’t it? Theo insisted on cooking us a nice meal for me as a celebration.”

You smiled knowingly, having known about how Grace and Theo had been in relationship limbo ever since you three became close friends at university. You knew they both had feelings for each other but often danced around the subject, completely oblivious to one another’s obvious attraction to the other. You reckoned they had to do something about it one day.

“Thank fuck. I wasn’t prepared to make dinner tonight. I am too tired for that.”

Grace then had her worried face on. She instantly knew, as she knew you too well, but funnily enough never picked up on Theo’s emotions despite constantly wondering about them, that something was wrong.

“Are you ok babe?” she asked with a look of pity that you scornfully resented.

You sighed, half lying, “Yes. I’m fine. Just tired is all.”

You made a beeline for the couch knowing full well that you were going to talk about it whether you liked it or not. You knew that Grace would see right through your dishonesty and insist that you told her the problem.

So you waited until Grace inevitably sat next to you and gave you that sympathy look she always gave you before coming out with the concerns that were floating around your brain.

“OK fine. I know you won’t leave me alone unless I tell you.”

“Ahh, you know me so well…”

“Yes, just as you know me. I’m just- I’m fed up. Work was slow. I don’t really feel like I’m associated with my life. I feel... disconnected, I guess.”

“Do you have any idea why?”

You shrugged and looked down at the floor and then back at Grace smiling sheepishly, “I don’t know. Maybe I’m not- not fulfilled? I just don’t thoroughly enjoy my life right now.”

Grace nodded and put a hand on your leg. You twitched your face in slight discomfort. You hated it when you were given sympathy for something that seemed so miniscule. It wasn’t like you were dying.

It was times like this when you just wanted to curl up in your bed, eat a tub of ice cream and watch your favourite comedy programmes. 8 Out of 10 Cats Does Countdown sprang to mind.

As you sat in momentary silence for a bit, Theo came waltzing through from the kitchen with his silly apron on that had a naked man’s body printed on it, and a spatula in his hand. He smiled at you.

“I thought I heard your voice. I hope meatballs for dinner are good tonight. Not mine of course,” gesturing to the apron as he said it.

You shook your head at Theo’s poor dad joke and stood up to hug him. You realised that you must be really down in the dumps to be hugging Theo. It was his turn to be confused. He looked towards Grace wide eyed.

“She’s had a particularly tough day. But mind you babe, you’ve kinda been like this for weeks now.”

You let go of Theo and turned to Grace, frowning and feeling slightly defensive. You placed a hand on your hip.

“Been like what? I’ve just been a bit fed up, that's all.”

“Yes but it’s not just a bit fed up. You said so yourself you feel disconnected. We’ve been waiting for you to say it.”

You looked to Theo and he nodded gently in agreement.

“Ok… but, nothing is really wrong exactly. My life is fine.”

“Fine, yes. But not amazing. We know it’s getting you down. And the job is the problem.”

“But I’m good at it. And it pays the bills. What else am I supposed to do?”

Grace then looked away from your eyes then, twitching her lip and looking as though she was holding something back. She then sighed and began to admit something you had not been expecting.

“OK look. We know what you can do. Theo and I have figured it out. We can manage money wise. It will be tight, but if you quit your job we should be able to help you out for a little bit.”

Your eyes grew wider than large saucepans. You were totally bewildered and your mouth slightly agape.

“What? Quit my job? Why? What work would I get instead?”

“Well, maybe you won't quit your job yet. Maybe you’re right, that's too hasty. Perhaps what I’m trying to say is-”

Theo then chimed in, “-what Grace is trying to say is…”

You smirked to yourself. How do they not realise that they’re already a couple but without the sex? They’re practically married for christ sake.

“...we reckon that you need to pursue your passion. Perhaps stop wasting your talents in an office job that you hate.”

Grace continued, “yes exactly. We have had an idea in mind. See, we want you to go to this thing… it’s no biggie but well, we’ve already booked it for you.”

Your mind was racing. You couldn’t understand anything that they were saying to you. It was all too much for you to manage.

“Booked what for me? What the hell are you both going on about?”

They both looked at each other with reluctance, pondering the moment and whether to tell you the whole truth. They both shrugged and Grace was then pulling her phone out, this whole conversation beginning to appear as though they had been trying to practice it.

Suddenly Grace’s phone screen was wavering in your face. You moved your head closer to see a photo on the screen. It was a comedy club night poster. Incidentally, it was an open mic night event happening on Saturday night. You began to then put the puzzle pieces together. You folded your arms and frowned heavily.

“What the fuck have you two done now?”

Theo softly spoke, “We… booked you a slot to do that comedy open mic event thing, on Saturday night.”

“Wait. As in to perform? You can’t be serious-”

Grace tried to reassure you and grabbed your arm.

“Look, we know it might seem daunting, but we just wanted to see you happy again. It’s been two years since we graduated and you haven’t performed since then. We thought it might be good to encourage you to perform again. You were always funny to us. And people at uni thought so too. You have the stand up talent, Y/n.”

You could not process anymore. You shook your head in disbelief and placed your head in your hands, rubbing your eyes from sudden exhaustion. You then threw your hands up in exasperation. It was not possible. You could not do that again.

Fucking no way. I can’t be on stage again! It’s too scary. University pub nights are one thing but a comedy club?

You shook your head again and placed your hands on your hips. Grace tried to speak up again seeing the frustration painted across your face. In fact it was anger that your friends chose to do this without your say so.

“Y/n…”

“No. Nope. I’m not doing it. No.”

“But Y/n, we were also going to tell you that Theo is also thinking of doing the same thing! He wants to do his music again. What harm would it be for you to rejuvenate your comedy skills? Surely you can write a quick couple of gags. Nothing strenuous. You have your old material from university, right?”

You had to get out of the room. Nothing that they were saying to you could be fully accepted at that moment.

You then gave them no choice but to let you go with your head in a flurry. They both watched you leave the room, mumbling something along the lines of I’m not really hungry anymore, I’m going to bed. Soon after, you darted across the other end of the hallway, ill-tempered and almost seething, and slammed your bedroom door shut.

[lab-gr0wn-lambs]

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[justoneday-namjoonii]

Quarters. | 9

☼1 • 2 • 3 • 4 • 5 • 6 • 7 • 8 • 9 

prompt: “I don’t know why I’m crying, I just-...I really love you, like, just staring at you really fucks me up.” — soul-gazing

pairing: Jungkook x reader

warnings/au: please keep warnings in mind—dysfunctional relationship with a capital D, toxic relationship themes, but they’re attempting to get better, probably inaccurate therapy but i tried, m-ish, humor(i try), mentions of drug usage, cheater cheater pumpkin eater?, fluff, angst, boxer!au, iceskater!au. 

authors note: Hello!!💖it’s been a while since the last update but here we are. ✨This chapter is pretty long✨. Unlike some of the other parts, it is following the timeline of the previous part(pt. 8) so just keep that in mind. See m.list for other parts. Enjoy!🥰

“Do it again, you need to stop relying on your right leg so much!”

Your coach yells for the third time in the last hour, she’s being a tyrant today. Your poor ankles are about to break off, your legs are straining and the cold air is starting to feel like vengeful needles. It’s been about two months since the incident with your leg and the doctor at your last check up granted you freedom to skate again. You’re glad it did to because you were about to go crazy. After the scandal came out about you and your ex-coach judge, she asked you if you wanted to get back into pairs. She went on about how Lucas was open to joining pairs again and that maybe you could get back with him—tempting offer. You’ve thought about it, though you still haven’t made a decision. It has been months since your injury, you can no longer use it as an excuse to take things easy. 

Determined to get it right, you skate back to your starting point and try it again. You skate forward, bending your knees just slightly to gain more momentum and once you turn, you take off into a triple salchow. Perfect.

”Finally,” You mutter, skating over to the edge of the rink where your coach is just getting off a phone call.

“Okay, Lucas will be here on Thursday to practice with you,” She smiles, tucking her phone in her pocket, “there’s a competition in two months and I think you two should sign up for it.”

“Coach, I haven’t decided if I want to get back into that,” You put on your blade guards and walk over to the lockers, “I just don’t know yet.”

“Think about it,” She leans against the lockers as you untie your skates and put them in your bag, “if you’re seriously pursuing this career, you have to be flexible. You’re not getting any younger. I hate it just as much as you do but you’ll get positive exposure with him and maybe even pick up a sponsor for the season.”

“Fine,” You zip up your duffel bag and slip your hoodie on, deciding to leave the yoga pants on, “but I need a break. I worked a night shift last night so I’m only standing because I took three espresso shots and I’m about to take another one, I’m exhausted.”

“I know you are, try to get some rest this weekend. You’ll be at the ballet studio for half of next week so you won’t be on the ice,” She says that, hoping it’ll give you some relief, “just don’t forget to soak your feet tonight.”

You gather your stuff and walk out of the center, waving at Carrie the desk clerk like a zombie. It’s only 8 o’clock but you’ve been here for two hours, you feel like you’re in a time loop. An eternal warp created to keep you totally spent. When you hop in your car, you crank it up and turn the heat on. Not long after, your eyelids begin to feel heavy so you drive over to the closest coffee shop. When you look down at your phone, you see a missed call from Jeon Jungkook. All prior emojis have been removed from his contact.

His call will stay missed, just like the other five. You’re not in the mood for his sob story. About two weeks ago, you decided that you two needed to take a break but he took it hard. You remember sitting on your couch with crossed arms and staring at him as he twisted and squirmed uncomfortably.

“What kind of break?”

Are there different kinds?

“The kind where we stop seeing each other all the time, I don’t know what kind that is, Jungkook. But I can’t deal with this right now, it’s causing me major stress and anxiety...”

“You can’t deal with me?” He sounds hurt.

“Not with you Jungkook, with your crap. I have a ice skating career to try to work out, a job, school, the last thing I need to worry about is whether you can control yourself,” You frown, “you were just at my house with my niece and next thing I know you’re out getting high and fooling around with other girls.”

“You’re still upset about the photo,” He concludes, “baby, I told you, it didn’t go anywhere with that girl, I pushed her off. I wasn’t completely sober but I know I didn’t let her-”

“That’s exactly my point, you were doing drugs. And for what? You don’t need it. I understand a little bit of smoking every now and then but I can’t handle when you do that other stuff. That night was a disaster. I got stabbed, how does that even happen? But of course, it would happen to me,” You massage the sides of your temples. “I’m just over it, I’m tired.”

“You want to give up on us? Just like that? I’ve apologized a thousand times, I don’t know how to prove to you that I’m sorry,” He twiddles his fingers and bites at his bottom lip, “I don’t know what else to do.”

“I’m not giving up,” You defend, “we need some space to work on our selves.”

“Why can’t we work on ourselves together?”

“We’ve been doing that and it doesn’t work.”

The conversation continued on until you two ended up arguing for a good hour before you lied, saying you had to go to class. He left and you haven’t heard from him since, not a a call, a text, a call, not even a like on any of your recent posts. He’s taking this well.

*

“Why did you do that!? She’s gonna think I called her,” Jungkook snatches the phone from Jimin, “fuck, are you trying to get me killed?”

“Come on,” Jimin roles his eyes with a grin, putting his boxing gloves back on, “you guys can’t stay away from each other, you expect me to believe you two aren’t talking-”

“I’m serious, we haven’t talked for weeks,” Jungkook locks his phone with a frown, tucking it in his gym bag, “she’s done with me.”

“Oh, aw man,” He is serious, “I’m sorry, I didn’t know you guys broke up.” 

He had been by you and Jungkook for the entirety of the relationship, it always seemed like you preferred things to be spontaneous. Admittedly, he knew Jungkook would do something that pushed you over the edge one day but he didn’t think it would be so soon. 

“We didn’t break up,” Jungkook mumbles, tying his hair back with a head band, “we’re just taking a break, that’s what she told me at least.”

“Aw, that sucks,” Jimin has to contain his amusement, it’s not funny but the fact that Jungkook is giving you full control over the relationship is unusual to him.

“Every time I think about trying to talk to her, I just remember that face she makes and that tone she uses. That’s when I know she does not give a single fuck, it’s scary.” 

“Is there a reason she’s being so hard on you? Don’t get me wrong, you were in the wrong. You shouldn’t have been there but it’s been weeks.”

“Her past relationship was rough on her mentally and emotionally. When she was young she had some things happen to her that causes her to have a hard time trusting others.”

“If you knew that then why did you do what you did?”

“I don’t know, okay? Everyone's been beating me up about it but I just don’t have an answer for you. I said I was sorry,” Jungkook shakes his head, fists making brunt contact with the punching bag, “I just I miss her,”

“It’ll be alright, she’ll come around,” Jimin holds the bag, keeping it still for the lovesick boy, “just give it some time. Hey, I’m taking my niece to the ice-skating rink in town, you should come!”

Jungkook, dramatically collapses to the ground, laying back on the ground with his boxing gloves on his face. “Ice-skating, why would you suggest ice-skating!?” He whines. “That’s literally what she does, it’s just going to remind me of her...”

“Aw Kook, I know,” Jimin can’t help but giggle at Jungkook’s overreaction, “that’s okay, you’ll be fine, and besides,” He pulls him up from the ground and pushes his shaggy hair back, “you can’t stay away from each other forever..”

“What about this one?” You step out of the dressing room, turning from side-to-side to let her see, “I like the color.”

“That’s the one,” Harmony scrolls through her phone, eyes going between you and the screen, “perfect.”

“Harmony, you’re just saying that!” You whine, turning to look into the mirror again with a frown.

“Y/n, this is the 11th dress you’ve tried on, it looks great. I’m serious.”

“Okay, I’ll go with this one then,” You smile, going back in the dressing room to change back into your clothes. Yuna’s having a party for the charity she works with. All of the money donated goes to buying toys and clothes for kids in foster care and orphanages, you attend every year. 

“You know, I heard Jungkook might come with Taehyung,”

Ugh, you forgot that your groups of friends are also friends. Jeon Jungkook, you still consider him your boyfriend in some aspects, but you don’t want to face him right now. Maybe you’re dragging this out too far but honestly, you don’t care. You love him but right now, you’re doing too well to let him crawl himself back into your life. You’d be lying if you said you weren’t creeping on his social media every now and then, you do care enough to see how he’s doing on there. 

“Hm,” 

“That’s all you have to say?” She giggles.

“Yup.”

“Did you officially dump his ass yet?”

You step out of the dressing room, rolling your eyes harder than necessary.

“Look, what happened to you was terrible. You couldn’t skate because of him. You caught him with another girl and you still let him take you home,” She was still bitter about Jungkook taking you away the way he did, she still thinks she should have insisted more.

You clear your throat, “I rather not talk about it.” 

It’s been admittedly awkward every time one of your friends bring that night up. On one hand, you understand why they bash him so hard but on the other hand, it’s hard to hear. You two leave the mall and grab lunch to eat in the comfort of your car..

During this break, you’ve decided to try and take things slow, relax. Admittedly, it would be nice to have Jungkook around again, to run errands with, to cuddle with. It’s hard not to miss him, you knew it would be. 

“We should go to the pop-up ice-skating rink on campus today, it’s a family thing I think,” Harmony squeezes ketchup onto her fries with a thoughtful him, “it sounds fun.”

“It’s funny you say that, Lucas invited me to go ther. He was going to go with his family, I told him I probably wouldn’t be able to.” You sigh.

“Oh, that’s right! The prince is back in town,” Harmony always had a thing for Lucas, even in high school. When you two were partners years ago, she still had a crush on him, “then we definitely should go. Are you getting back into pairs with him?

“Yeah, we’ll do one season together next year.” You have to admit, you are excited to get back into the practice with one of your best friends. 

“I’ll definitely have to brush up on my ballet lessons and I was always a bit too shaky during lifts. Our instructions used to say if I don’t look comfortable during lifts on the stable ground, I can’t expect to look good while I’m being lifted and Lucas is still skating. I trust Lucas a lot more now so I think it’ll go well,”

“Jungkook will love that.”

You take a bite of your chicken sandwich with a heavy sigh, “He’ll live...”

“Uncle,” Yona sits with her little brother in the back seat while they wait for Jungkook to finish pumping the gas, “why does your friend look so grumpy? Doesn’t he want to go skating with us?”

Jimin glances back at Yona and smiles, thinking of how he should explain Jungkook’s situation. “He’s just upset, he’s fine.”

“What is he upset about?” Jimin hesitates for a moment but Jungkook signals that he’s running inside for something.

“Well,” He turns to face her, “can you keep a secret?” She eagerly nods. “Kookie is a little sad because he misses his girlfriend.”

“Oh, what happened to her?” Yona frowns, fearing what Jimin might say.

“Nothing happened to her, he’s okay, they just haven’t seen each other in a long time,” He rakes his brain, trying not to say too much about Jungkook’s love life, “but it’s okay, he’s alright. Just try to understand, he’s not trying to be a grump, he’s just a big teddy bear who pretends to be tough when he’s sad,” He grins, “but don’t tell him I said that.”

“Oh,” She nods adorably, pitying Jungkook, “I won’t,”

in the nick of time, Jungkook comes back with a receipt and mumbles something about the poor management in the convenience store. Jimin notices how Yona looks at him with sympathetic eyes but Jungkook doesn’t seem to notice. He’s too wrapped up in his phone to see that a 9-year-old is pitying his dysfunctional love-life.

It doesn’t take long before the four of them arrive at the skating rink and Jimin is helping, Juda, Yona’s sleepy 5-year-old brother out of the car. Yona takes the liberty of escorting her self out and walking over to Jungkook.

“Hi,” She looks up at him, not even a little intimidated by his towering stature over herself.

Jungkook looks around, as if she’s talking to someone else. “Hi,” He gives her a small wave, “it’s Yona, right?”

“Yes,” She nods, walking by his side, “uncle said your girlfriend skates, do you skate too?” 

Jungkook mentally cringes, bracing himself for whatever Jimin told this little girl about his personal life. “No, I’m a boxer, she’s the skater.”

“Ahh, ice skating is prettier than boxing, you should ice skate too,” She looks back at Jimin and Juda walking side by side, wondering if she should walk with them or stay with Jungkook. Just when she was about to further judge Jungkook’s life choices, Jimin and Juda catch up. Jimin leads the four of them to the skate rental booth where Jungkook avoids eye contact with the girls behind the counter. It’s hard enough to be in your environment, let alone be surrounded by couples and families skating to their hearts content. It’s not the same without you, it doesn’t feel like he should even be trying to enjoy himself after what he did to you.

Jimin and the kids get their skates on, but Jungkook tells them to go ahead without him. The more he sits here, the less he wants to be here.

*

“We decided to come and skate for a little bit, I’m sorry I wasn’t able to take your invitation, I didn’t think I’d be able to come.” You and Harmony skate out onto the ice.

Lucas stands at the edge of the rink, smiling. “It’s okay, I’m here with my family so don’t sweat it, hey! You wanna practice a routine, for old time sake?”

“There are way too many people to be practicing a routine. Besides, I’m already sore from practice yesterday.”

“Where’s your boyfriend? I thought you told me he skates with you sometimes,” He skates a circle around you, a toothy grin on his face, “I want to meet him.”

“He was busy,” You lie. You don’t know where Jungkook is or what he’s doing, “It’s just us.″

Somehow, he believes you and skates off with his family while you breathe.

“You lie,” Harmony shakes her head as if to say shame on you.

“What was I supposed to say? I’m not gonna burden him with my personal problems.”

You two go back and forth until she surrenders, claiming she’ll leave you a Jungkook’s relationship out of her mouth for the rest of the day. You highly doubt she can but you appreciate the effort. 

Nononononono—why is he here? And blonde. Your eyes widen, your palms get sweaty, just seeing him affects you. You’ve missed him. Judging by the way he’s sitting on the bench with his skates beside him, he looks sad. Who is he here with? 

”Y/n, Harmony, hey!” Jimin skates over to you with two little kids by his side, they’re so cute. “What’re you two doing here?”

”Jimin? Hi, fancy meeting you here, we decided to come last minute,” You’ve connect the dots now, “who are these two cuties?”

“I’m babysitting my niece and nephew,” He holds both of your hands and the both of them say a shy little greeting, “say hello guys,”

“Hi,” Yona waves at you two and you greet her with a bright smile.

Jimin glances back at Jungkook who has yet to notice you. “Y/n, can I talk to you for a minute?” You nod.

“Harmony can you please watch them for a second?”  “Me? Um, I guess but-”

You skate to the edge of the rink and Jimin follows, you already anticipating what this conversation is about.

“Jungkook is here.”

“I know, I saw him,” You deadpan.

“Look, I know what happened between you guys and he probably doesn’t want me to say this, but he’s been the biggest bitch since you two split, I’ve never seen him so at odds with himself.”

“What am I supposed to do about that? That’s not my fault.” You frown.

“I’m not saying that you need to do anything,” Now he understands what Jungkook meant about your infamous tone. “I just wanted to let you know, I figured you haven’t talked.”

“I’m sorry,” You hold your face in your hands, “I’m not trying to be mean, I just have a lot on my mind and I wasn’t expecting to have to deal with him today.”

“Maybe you two can talk, I’m not saying you should get back together but maybe talking face to face will help you find common ground?”

That’s advice that you know you should take but the thought of talking to him makes your stomach uneasy. It’s easier to ignore him, erase him from your life while you figure out what you want. You’re very childish in the aspect of talking things out, he is too.

“Here he comes,” Jimin looks over at Jungkook who is slowly approaching you two, “I’ll give you two some space-”

“Jimin, I swear, if you did this on purpose!-” Your threat is cut short when he skates away and Jungkook skates up to you. As if you don’t even see him, you quickly skate away, uninterested in anything he might have to say.

Jungkook knows he can’t possibly out-skate you. He mumbles a few curses before skating over to Jimin and the kids as frustrated as ever. For a moment, he almost changed course because Harmony, his biggest hater, is with them and she is one of the last people he wants to see.

“Jungkook, hey,” Jimin sighs, dreading the angry frown in Jungkook’s brows, “I’m glad you decided to-”

“Did you know she was here?” Jungkook cuts straight to the punch, not paying any mind to Harmony whose staring at him as if he’s a mass murderer.

“No,” Jimin shrugs, voice low in order not to alarm the kids who are skating near by, “you know I would have told you.”

“I’ll be in the car.” He skates off, anxious to get off the ice but he’s stopped when another skater bumps into his shoulder.

“Sorry!-”

“Don’t worry about it,” Jungkook shrugs, but just when Jungkook was about to leave the guy gives him a weird look. 

“Wait, what’s your name? You look so familiar,”

“Jungkook,” He responds with a bit of impatience, “I don’t think I know you from anywhere, sorry-”

“You’re Y/n’s boyfriend! She showed me some of her pictures pictures,” Lucas smiles but Jungkook’s eyes darken, “I’m Lucas, we’re competing in pairs again next season, I’m sure she’s told you.”

“Oh, I didn’t know, probably slipped her mind,” You haven’t mentioned it on purpose. Then again, how could you? You haven’t talked in weeks.

Just when he thought this day couldn’t get any worse, he meets your partner, and he’s not ugly,

“She said you couldn’t come because you were busy, did you come to surprise her?”

“Something like that- I’m sorry, I gotta go.”

“Okay, well...nice to meet you,” Lucas waves him off but Jungkook doesn’t pay him any mind. 

He thought this might go differently, why did he think that? As soon as he saw you, that tug in his heart came back, that desire to be around you came back. When you walked away, it made him feel like crap, you didn’t even want to look at him.

While he’s skating off to the side to leave the rink, he sees you taking off your personal skates and putting them in their bag. Of course, your caddie is right next to where his heavy black boots are. He enters the room opens the caddie with the little pass-code they gave him when he rented the skates. You spare him a glance as you tie your sneakers and he sits to get his shoes on.

“Did you have to ignore me like that?” He decides to speak up.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” You frown, “I don’t even know why you’re here.”

“Since when did you start caring where I go?” He bites back. “You’ve been ghosting me for fucking weeks and suddenly I’m not allowed to go out?”

“I didn’t want to see you...I was doing so good, I was forgetting about you.” You lean back, not giving him eye contact.

”Wow, just what I wanted to hear,” He thought you would say something like that but he didn’t expect you to be so blunt. 

“You can’t say you’re surprised, can you?”

“No, but the least you can do is talk to me.”

”Fine, that’s fair. What do you have to say?” You stand to your feet, your bag tight in your hand/

”Believe it or not,” He gets up to lean on the wall behind him, “I love you, so I'm letting you drag me along and make all of the rules but I’m just asking that you communicate with me, I need to know what you want,” He tends to ask this question when he’s most desperate for your good side to emerge.

“Why don’t you tell me what you want? I’m not the one going around making decisions that hurt our relationship, not recently anyway.” You throw a jab at him, you couldn’t contain it anymore.

“If you’re trying to make me feel like shit, you’ve succeeded. You’ve been succeeding for weeks now, it’s actually starting to get to me, mentally.” As he says that, an unsuspecting few individuals come in to get there things.

“Can-” You pause and walk over to him to eliminate the awkward distance, “Can we talk about this somewhere else?”

His spirits brighten a little because at least you’re interested in continuing the conversation, you haven’t even attempted to do that until now. So when he stutters out an “okay”, his feet move as soon as yours do. He’s walking right next to you and you find yourself keeping your arms crossed, away from his hands that you would normally be holding. By the time you walk out to the rink, Jimin is still with the kids and Harmony is gone, probably in the restroom. You find a secluded area near the concession area and take a seat, he does the same right across from you. 

“Do you want to break up?” 

He puts it out there. He’s never been the one to hesitate, especially when his heart is on the line.

“What do you mean?” You swallow, not expecting to be confronted with that question.

He almost scoffs because you’re having a similar reaction to his reaction to you telling him you wanted to take a break.

“Do you not want to be in a relationship anymore? If this isn’t something you’re willing to do anymore, I need you to tell me so I can grieve in peace...I feel really lost right now.”

“Grieve? I’m not going to die if we break up, Jungkook, and I never said I wanted to break up—I never said I didn’t love you either. That’s not what this is about, it’s not about whether we love each anymore, it’s about trust.” 

“How can I gain your trust?”

You look around, making sure no one is listening in on you two before mumbling out your answer. “I don’t know...I just don’t trust you, I can’t tell you how to make it up to me because people who screw me over, I normally stay as far away from them as I can.”

All you can think about is the lies from your birth-mother, the betrayal and humiliation that came over you when you found out about your ex. Situations like that always come to mind when the subject of trust is mentioned. You’ve been hurt and Jungkook knows that, he knows when you feel like you can’t trust someone, you shut down. You want nothing to do with that person, your pain blinds you—its your character flaw.

“You’re lucky I’m even talking to you right now,” You mumble, nibbling at your bottom lip.

“Yeah, I know.” He scoffs, a look of disbelief that turns into an understandable shrug of his shoulders. 

“I’ve always thought of you as someone I didn’t deserve, you know that,” He glances down at his twiddling fingers, “when we got together, you changed me and I’m so grateful for that...I was such a shitty person before I met you- I mean, I’m sure you think I’m shitty now but I was way worse.” It surprises you when you see tears welling at his eyes that he quickly wipes away, tattooed fingers getting a bit wet.

“Jungkook,” You lay a hand over his with sympathetic eyes, “I still love you.”

“Seriously?” He glances up at you, surprised. 

“Yes...You hurt me, you made me feel stupid and I’m not over it...But I never forget those times where I made life difficult for you, you never made me feel irredeemable. No matter how awful I acted, you never made me feel like a burden. That’s more than I can say about a lot of people in my life.”

The more you talk this out with him, the more you realize how harshly you’ve been treating him. It doesn’t change how you feel about your relationship, but it does open your eyes to the standard you’ve been holding him to. You don’t know if you’re ready to start again.

“Well, I have to be honest with you,” He looks at you through his dirty blonde locks, “it still hurts like hell to have you treat me like a stranger. That shit is painful, even for me.”

“I’m sorry,” You murmur out an apology before you can really think about it, “I’m just upset at you is all...” Slowly, you take your hand off of his and your eyes wander back to his dear-like eyes. 

“Everyone’s telling me I should let you go but I don’t want to. I just need to know that you’re willing to wait for me, and to work on yourself...”

“I’ll do anything, I’ll do whatever it takes for us,”

Shortly after that day, you found yourself thinking more and more about your future. It made you cringe at one point, what were you planning to do with the rest of your life? Whatever you planned to do, you always imagined Jungkook would be by your side. Now, you’re coming to terms with the fact that things may not go as planned.

“Y/n, are you ready?” Lucas calls your name from outside of the dressing room.

”What are you doing in here? This is the woman’s locker room,” You open the door, now fully dressed in your new leotard.

”We’re the only ones here,” Lucas stands with a matching outfit, far less sparkly as yours.

”Why does she always pick these leotards for me? You always get the toned down looks-” You walk over to the mirror, furrowing your brows, “Oh, actually, this one is kinda nice.”

“She knows you’re the most dramatic out of the two of us, maybe that’s why,” He shrugs his shoulders before quickly running back out into the ballet studio. Your least favorite part of your career is the ballet lessons, it’s the most grueling.

“Come on out, Y/n, we only have the studio for the morning so we need to use our time wisely.”

“Sorry,” You walk out with an urgency, “the costume fits okay, a little snug but it’s doable.”

Coach gives you a knowing look, she’s been floating the idea of a diet around. As committed as you are to your craft, dieting is one thing you don’t think you need to do well. You try to stay fit but sometimes you’re more concerned about your dwindling love life than you dress size. The ballet instructor emerges from around the corner and you cringe, the next few hours are about to be painful. 

Yet, as the class progresses, your thoughts drift farther from the positions and you find yourself zoning out completely.

*

*

At one point in time, you couldn’t imagine being without Jungkook. Out of all of the people who’ve come and gone out of your life, he stayed. He became your best friend and your first love.

“I don’t want to be here anymore, please, just let me go home,” You sat on the hotel room floor, hair pin in your hands and a painfully cold ice bag on your ankle, “...I can’t go back out there.”

She stands with crossed arms, her unchanging expression not doing anything for your emotional state.”Y/n, you are a professional, and do you know what professionals do?”

”No.”

“They finish the competition, no matter what. You need to stay for the judging, “

“Why? I fell on my biggest jump on live television. Cindy. I look like an amateur...There’s no way in hell they’ll even consider placing me. That means I’m done for, I might as well kiss nationals goodbye.”

”That was the last program, you still have a chance-“

”Not after Charlotte’s routine! You said it yourself, I had to be flawless or Charlotte would take my spot in the qualifying team, there was no room for error. This is the one time it had to be perfect...” You use the bed to help you up and you sit down n the edge of it.

”It won’t be perfect every time. You work harder than any girl I know, and not just in this sport, you work hard at whatever you do and you support yourself, you’re the only girl I know who’s parents aren’t paying for you to be here. You deserve to be here, you made one mistake, one. It’s not the end of the world, sweetheart,” Cindy takes a seat beside you, a comforting hand going to your shoulder, “these things happen.”

You take a deep breath, trying to calm down and think rationally. Cindy is trying her best to talk you off of the ledge but you’re very much still there. She says you work so hard, but what do you have to show for it? You’re doing this alone a majority of the time. Your family only comes to support you sometimes, they don’t have a lot of free time to spend on your hobby. Your iceskating is a glorified hobby to them, they won’t say it but it’s true. After they told you to pick a major and find a good paying 9-5, they stopped paying for your iceskating. They’re paying for school but that’s it, you’re supporting yourself in every other aspect. That gave you all the reason to try to prove to them that you were an exceptional athlete. To prove to them that you did it all on your own, that’s your only goal. Yet, the more you reach for that, the farther you get from it.

”Listen, I need to check on the other girls, alright? I hope you reconsider.” She pecks your forehead, a motherly affection that you’ve come to appreciate from her. She is like a mom in some ways. She cares for the entire team, and she would never say it, but she has a particular soft spot for you. She can see how much you want this, how the ice can take you to a different place.

You were meant to do this, she always tells you that. She saw the fire in you as soon as she accepted you on her team. Your passion attracted her to you, you never stopped, you had so much drive. Some people are meant to fight tooth and nail for what they want, sometimes you have to ask yourself, why do I have be one of those people?

Ignoring your better judgment, you packed your bags and took the 2-hour drive back to your apartment. All while you were fleeing the city to seek refuge at home, you received multiple phone calls from Jungkook but you couldn’t bring yourself to call him back. When you got home, you took off your tracksuit and sank face first into your coach. 

As much as you wanted Jungkook to come to the competition, you insisted that he stay and take that job. He hasn’t been boxing as much so any extra art job he can take, you encourage him to take it. He told you he’d streamed the competition while working on the mural at a nearby bar. His heart sank when you took that fall.  You put hours of practice into that routine and perfected it, he had seen you do it flawlessly several times. 

All he wanted to do was hug you and tell you that you did well but all he could do was hope that you weren’t beating yourself up. He could only imagine how devastated you were and to not be able to be there for you, he couldn’t stand it. He finished up the mural and you had finally texted him saying, ‘I came home early.’ He went straight to your apartment with the big pink bunny he bought for you, you need it even more now.

”Hey, it’s me,” He opened the front door and announced himself softly and walks further inside. 

The television barely illuminates the living room but he sees you laying on the couch. He sits the bunny down behind the couch so you can’t see them before walking around to greet you in your depressing state.

“I wasn’t expecting you until tomorrow, baby,” He rests a hand on thigh and kisses your cheek, “you must’ve known how much I was missing you,” His attempt to make you smile goes painfully unnoticed. 

He bites at his bottom lip in thought. “Did something happen?...”

You swallow the lump in your throat and finally look him in the eyes, “Did you watch my second program?” 

“I did, you looked beautiful-”

“I’m quitting.”

He turns his whole body to you, brows deeply furrowed like a cartoon character. “What?”

You cover your face with a pillow, successfully hiding your tears, “I’m calling Cindy to tell her I don’t want to do it anymore, I quit.”

“Woah, wait, why?” He takes the pillow from you to see your face, “Y/n, calm down, what’s going on? Tell me what happened.”

“I- I didn’t make the national team, that was my only chance until next year. All my hard work went down the drain and everyone saw me screw up..” You wipe your tears with your sleeve.

“Hey, it’s okay, you cry if you need to,” He pulls you into a hug, cradling your head to his chest, “I know this is tough for you but it’s not the end of the world, it’ll get better.”

You pull away from him as if he were suddenly hot to the touch and bury your face into the arm of the couch. “You wouldn’t understand, the pique of my career was riding on this, and I blew it. It feels like the end of my world, okay?” 

You know your words are muffled by the couch, that’s probably for the better anyway. “T- that’s just how I feel...” 

He doesn’t pry any further after that. He knows there’s not much he can say to change your mind right now. Instead, he scoots closer to your side and places a comforting hand on your back, rubbing soothing circles as he waits for you to continue.

“I have nothing if I lose this, there’s all this pressure on my shoulders and its tearing me apart...” You turn to wipe your face and sit up. “I love skating, it’s all I’ve ever wanted to do...if I stop, I wouldn’t know what to do with myself.”

You’ll never forget that night. 

He lifted you into his lap and kept his arms tight around you. “You’re so much more than just your skating. You’re so good at but it’s not all that you are.” Jungkook has a way of talking you off of the edge but that night, you were especially down on yourself.

“Yes it is...” 

“No it’s not,” He sighs, “look, I know what it feels like to find your identity in something and then all of a sudden, that something is gone...When my portfolio got rejected, I felt like a failure. My family never got behind the boxing thing, so I’ve always tried to find another way to support myself just in case for whatever reason it doesn’t work out...I didn’t start realizing that until recently. I’m constantly torn between giving up one dream for the other but I want to do both, you actually inspire me to do both.” You furrow your brows, briefly abandoning your own issues to listen to him. 

“You work so hard and you’re showing your family that you can do this, you just have to believe in yourself, and you know what? You’re doing amazing. Tonight was just a bad night, it happens.” He squeezes you tight and you do the same, arms fastened around his neck as if it would kill you to let go.

You didn’t need to say anything after that. You settled your mind and you were no longer at the edge, you were still close, but not there. With your head resting over his shoulder, you try to peek over the couch to see what he dropped back there when he walked in.

“Hey, what’d you think you’re doing?” Jungkook leans forward and your grip around him is loosened so you can no longer look back there. “You think I got something for you?”

You look down a bit embarrassed that he caught you, “Well, yeah...you did,  didn’t you?” You smile for the first time tonight and he breathes a sigh of relief. Finally.

He was going to tease you for wanting your gifts even though you just had a meltdown. But how could he? He wants to keep this smile on your face for as long as possible.

“Sit,” He lifts you off his lip and back to your previous seat on the couch, “no peeking.”

You hold your hands over your eyes, excited even thought have no idea what it might be.

“Okay, open.”

When you move your hands to see you squeal in excitement. “Oh, Jungkook! It’s so cute!” You stand up to take the pink bunny that’s almost more than half your size. “Thank you,” You lean into him with the bunny between you two, “it’s so big and soft, like you.”

“Yeah I know,” He sways from side-to-side with you in his arms, “you feeling better?”

You muffle your sigh into the stuffed animal, “I still wanna quit.”

“Oh stop,” He pulls the from your grip and tosses it onto the couch, “you’re just being bratty now,”

“No I’m not,” You whine, the issue still very fresh, “I’m still sad...I just really like my gift and I’m happy to see you...But I am still upset.”

“Aw, I’m sorry,” He lays on the couch and beckons you into his arms to lay on his chest, “let’s cuddle you until you feel better then, will that help?” 

“Maybe...”  

You’d be lying if you said you could live without that side of him.

*

A few days later, you’re surprised you hadn’t heard from him. But when you get back from the gym with a missed call from him and a solemn text to  ‘call back when you can’, you actually call him back.

“Is something wrong?”

“No, nothings wrong. Thank you for calling me back.” 

His voice sounds relaxed but a bit anxious.

“Did you need something?” You sigh, pouring your boiling water in your mug.

“Are you free to go with me somewhere at 11? And then maybe, we could grab dinner? Just-...Don’t be mad, please.”

Anxiety bubbles in your chest.

“What’re you talking about?”

“I signed us up for couples therapy.”

“You did what?” Somewhere in your mind, you had wanted him to bring this up—you never imagined that he actually would.

”You said we don’t know how to work on ourselves together, I read that therapy helps with that. Will you go with me? If you don’t like it, you never have to do it again I swear.”

“Jungkook...I appreciate the effort, I really do, but how did you find this therapist? Do you trust them?”

”Of course. He has great reviews online and my-...Well, my mom found him actually.”

You pause, a bit taken aback. He talked to his mom about your relationship and he took her advice about seeing a therapist? He must have really taken your words to heart about getting help.

“Can you pick me up?”

“Sure, I’ll be there in 20.”

When he picked you up, you were reminded just how well he could clean up. Sure, he always dresses so well and smells amazing, but he’s different today—you can tell he put in a lot of effort. You’re glad you decided to do your makeup and where a nice sundress, you would have felt terribly under-dressed.

“Hi, how can I help you?

“Hi, we have an appointment for Jeon at 5, with Seojoon.”

You stand next to Jungkook at the front desk, your hands tightly clutching your purse. It’s hard to not think the woman is judging you and Jungkook for being here. She’s probably seen hundreds of people come into this office but something in you can’t shake the feeling. She directs you two to the waiting room and says he’ll come get you two in a few minutes.

“So,” You begin, glancing at Jungkook, “I’m nervous...” 

“Me too.” This is new for the both of you. In only a few seconds, who you assume to be Seojoon emerges from the hallway and you look at him a bit wide-eyed. 

“Hi, Jungkook, Y/n, are you two ready?” 

“Oh, um, yes.” You stand up in sync with Jungkook, already wanting to run out of here but you resist.

You have to admit that the office is really nice, not stiff and sterile looking, the energy is very calming. Seojoon opens the door to a cozy-looking room with tons of natural sun light. There’s warm-rose colored couch that you assume is for ‘the couple.’

“Alright, you can take a seat right there, make yourselves comfortable.” He smiles, taking a seat and you two do the same.

“So let’s get right into it. What brought you two here today? If you could both tell me your separate answers, that would be great.” Despite Seojoon looking at you directly to presumably go first, you divert your eyes and look at Jungkook to say something first.

“Well, we’re- I think we’re going through a lot right now and I just want to save our relationship.” Jungkook sits back, resting against the arm of the couch as he gazes at you to give your answer.

“What about you, Y/n?”

You glance down at your lap, feeling very out of your comfort zone and not confident enough to verbalize what you would like to say. Alas, you try.

“I feel the same way, we’re not in a good place and I’m confused about what to do-...I just want what we used to have.” You confess a bit of your true feelings but ignore the longing look Jungkook gives you.

“When did you start feeling like the relationship was changing?”

“Fairly recently. We were fine, at least I thought we were until I saw him with another girl back in an old lifestyle that I thought he gave up...”

Seojoon diverts his attention away from you and to Jungkook. “Jungkook, do you want to share a little bit about that?”

“Not really,” He answers honestly at least.

“Why not?”

“To be honest, I don’t know why she keeps throwing the same jab at me. I’ve told her the truth but she doesn’t want to hear it. I went out that night,” He almost glares at you, “I didn’t plan to. I ran into an old friend and I just-...I thought it was harmless and I got caught up...” 

Seojoon scribbles something down. “Okay, so can you fill me in a little bit. Are we talking about unfaithfulness? Addiction?”

“Unfaithfulness,” You interject. “he said he didn’t cheat on me but...” You mumble, your confidence faltering for some reason. “It’s hard to believe that.”

“But you think he did so you have some distrust. Were you unfaithful, Jungkook?”

“It doesn’t matter if I say I did or I didn’t, she thinks I did.” He shrugs.

”Y/n,” Seojoon puts an end to the death stare you had on Jungkook, “can you tell Jungkook what cheating looks like to you?”

”Not sleeping with her doesn’t mean you didn’t cheat on me. Letting her put her hands on you- And I don’t care if it was just a kiss! You shouldn’t have been in that situation, and for me to have to see it on social media? I could have killed you I was so mad. You should ask Jungkook what cheating is to him. We obviously have different standards for defining it...”

”What does cheating look like to you, Jungkook?” He heeds your suggestion without any push-back.

”To me,” He hesitates, feeling a bit scrutinized, “it’s when a person violates the intimacy of the relationship by giving it to someone else.”

“What kind of intimacy?”

“Emotional, physical, every kind,” He turns to you, “I wouldn’t do thingst that I do with Y/n with anyone else, not by choice-”

“Yes you would! You did...Are you trying to tell me that you were assaulted? That she forced her way on you?”

“I was blitzed! I don’t fucking know. All I do know is that she got on top of me and I pushed her off. That’s it. I swear, if anything else happened, I don’t remember it.”

“I don’t care. You know what I’ve been through, to even allow another girl to even get close to touching you like that...It was a slap in the face.”

Seojoon’s ears perk up at the mention of your past. “Did you have to go through a similar situation in a previous relationship?” 

“Yes and he knows this. I was being cheated on before and the guy had a literal baby on the way throughout our entire relationship...It was traumatizing.” It stings his ears to hear you say that. But it’s true, he knows your past and he didn’t let it stop him. 

“What happened must have triggered you,” You nod to yourself, “but you’re here to try to work through forgiveness and build trust. If you two are comfortable with it, I’d like you do do two exercises; one here and one when you’re alone. The first one that you’ll do here, I need you to face each other, preferably close, and I have some questions for you two to ask each other.”

“Like this?” Jungkook answers instantly and turns to you, getting closer to you than he has in weeks. You face him slowly, eyes wavering a bit. His face has always been a soft-spot for you, staring at him makes you feel weak.

“Actually,” Seojoon stands up, gesturing for you to do the same, “two chairs might be more comfortable, yeah? Let’s go to my other room.”

You follow Seojoon to a small room with three chairs a small table in front of them. Jungkooks pulls seat out so they’re facing each other. When you look up to acknowledge him with deliberate eye-contact, for a moment he thinks you might be softening. 

“I want you all to start with ‘I’ statements, tell your partner how you feel or how you felt in this case. Try to maintain eye-contact and truly listen to each other.”

“I’ll go first,” You volunteer because you want to get this over with.

“I feel alone and helpless when you go back to your old habits, I feel like you’re hiding things from me...” You find a way to keep your eyes-locked to his. 

“I’m not asking you to be perfect but I just want you to make me feel special to you...Like you wouldn’t dream of being with someone else. Because I don’t think of loving anyone else, and trust me I’ve tried to imagine it but I can’t,” You bite your cheek to keep from crying, “you make it so hard to trust you. You don’t listen and you don’t change until it’s too late.” 

Being emotionally inept is something you are both too good at. It’s difficult for you to share your true feelings with a clear mind, but when you do, you can never guess what will happen next. 

“I feel trapped by you. I know I fucked everything up, okay? You don’t have to keep reminding me.” His tone is harsher than you anticipated. 

“I’m trying to put in the fucking effort to help us, and I’m giving you time. But when you tell me you still want me but you won’t even let me come around, it’s confusing. You’re confusing, that’s just how I feel.” His brows furrow and you notice Seojoon watches the exchange intently.

“But I miss you and I want you back, I don’t want to take a break,” He leans forward with his hands firmly gripping your knees over your dress, “I know you think I’m an asshole but I try to change, I’m trying, you know I wouldn't bring you to this if I could think of any other way to prove that to you.” The strain in his voice only stirs more emotions inside of you. 

“Jungkook,” Seojoon calls his name softly and Jungkook looks over as if he forgot he was there, “try not to engage in any physical, okay? It can be overwhelming.”

“Sorry,” He takes his hands from you and sits back, “that’s all I want to say.” 

“Alright, well, um,” Seojoon clears his throat, eager to break the tension up a little bit, “unfortunately our session is up but I want to give you two a list of exercises and talking points. I know this was a consultation appointment but I want to give you some things to work on at home. I’ll have Kelly type up your homework, alright?”

“Okay, thank you,” you both thank the therapist but you get up with an urgency and leave the room before Jungkook can follow you. When you make it out to the waiting room, you spot the bathroom and you bolt to it. Before you have to spend a car ride with him, you need to get your emotions together. 

“Mr. Jeon,” The receptionist calls him from the hall, “this is for you, you can bring it back to the next appointment for a discount.” Jungkook halfheartedly thanks her before going to the car. He doesn’t even know if there will be another session. He needs to smoke before you come out and you’ll freak if he smokes while you’re in the car. 

“Why did I come here...” You look at the mirror and frown, you look so rough. It was nice to get everything out in the open but you knew he’d get intense eventually. Only when the toilet flushed did you remember that there were multiple stalls in here. When you look away from the mirror to fumble through your purse, just trying to avoid talking to her. 

”Hi, how are you?”

“I’m okay, how are you?”

“Oh god, nervous, I’m nervous. Me and my husband, we’re newly weds, our appointment is in five minutes and I really don’t know what to expect. Did you have an appointment with your partner?”

“I did,” You sigh, “it was-...It was fine, don’t be nervous.” In your attempt to comfort her, you find your self in a highly hypocritical position. “Me and my boyfriend, we’re different so ours was a little- A little chaotic but I think it helped a little,” You hesitate, “I don’t know.”

“That makes me feel a little better, hopefully my husband behaves himself,” She tosses her wavy brown hair over her shoulder and smiles, “well, it was nice meeting you.”

It takes you a moment but you gather the strength to wave goodbye and go face your boyfriend.

”Excuse me, Miss, I think your husband forgot to grab this.” The receptionist waves you over and hands you a little folder.

”Oh,” You try to hide the blush forming on your cheeks.  he’s not my- We’re not married.” 

”Oh, I’m sorry! He only put his last name on the appointment so I thought it was your name as well. Sorry about that, have a great rest of your day.” She bids you farewell with a flustered smile.

When you walk outside, you see Jungkook leaning against the car. You thought he might’ve been smoking but you can’t detect any small. That’s a relief.

”You feeling okay?” He questions gently. 

You nod, hopping in the car with the desire to be home already. He gets in the car and glances at you from the corner of his eye, he worries that this might have been too much for you. 

“Where do you want to eat?” 

“There’s a ramen place down the street, that’s fine with me.” You suggest, eyes trained on your phone.

The air in the car isn’t tense or stiff, its just quiet. There’s a lot to unpack from the session and you figured Jungkook was thinking through it too. That’s why when you two arrived at the ramen shop, took your seats, and placed your orders, the silence was getting to be a bit too awkward for you.

“I like the new hair, you’ve never gone this blonde before,” You glance up at him, trying to start a conversation, “it looks good.”

“Thanks, it was an impulsive thing. I heard you decided to get back into pairs,” He brings the coke to his lips, “I was surprised to hear that.”

“Oh, yeah,” You figured he would find out soon, “I’m back with Lucas for the season.”

“Good for you,” That’s not a reaction you were expecting from anti-pairs-skating Jungkook. Then again, you know him well enough to know that he’s probably keeping his true opinion to himself.

“The receptionist gave this to me,” You pull the paper out of your purse and show it to him, “I think it has additional information.”

“Let me see,” You hand it to him, “hm, soul-gazing? What the hell is that...” He reads over the description and it makes him giggle. “Nonverbal communication between lovers, allows couples to explore intimate places in the relationship. We do this already, but it’s a little more than eye contact,” He recalls those dreamy moments that he used to share with you so often, gazing at you with a smile.

“We can try that later maybe,” You avoid his smile with a glance out the window.

“Okay. So, about the session today, I hope you understood where I was coming from...I didn’t expect to say all that, I’m sorry if it was too much.”

“Don’t apologize, I wanted to hear how you felt.”

“I’m sorry,” He extends a hand out on the table, hoping you’ll take it, “I’ve thought about what I’ve done and I’ve tried to repent for it. But at the end of the day, it’s up to you. But just tell this once, you miss us, don’t you?”

“I do, Jungkook...It’s just, I’m in a tough spot and I don’t- I don’t want to disappoint anyone or myself.”

“You’re talking about your friends or your family?” He frowns at the thought of either party trying to discourage you.

“My family doesn’t know anything about this, it’s my friends who are concerned for me. They saw me get hurt and they don’t want to see it happen again, they want me to be happy.”

“Don’t listen to them, all they do is talk shit about me and try to tell you what you need. The only people who have a say in this relationship is you and me. We choose what makes us happy, not them.”

“But I’m not happy,” And it doesn’t change the fact that you’re still being judged, “I’ve actually been depressed when I think about us, when I think about what we used to have and what we have now, how did this happen?”

“I’m sorry I did this to you,” He sighs when you finally reach out to take his hand, “I never mean to hurt you,”

“I want you back so bad sometimes,” You break, letting your true feelings out to him, “but just because I want it doesn’t mean I should, it’s always been hard for me to separate the two.”

“That never stopped you before,” He flashes that smile, the one you fell so hard for on the roof of his car. 

“Now look where I’m at,” You take your hand back, “going to therapy with you.”

*

*

Jungkook took you home and sunset had passed, it was already dark. You found yourself inviting him in, hugging him longer than you should have when he was on his way out. Why were you holding on to him so tight? His bomber jacket lands on the floor and you relish in his arms, you haven’t felt like this in a long time. Maybe it won’t hurt to let him in, indulge. It doesn’t take long before you let him kiss you for the first time in weeks. It feels new, it can happen a thousand times and it’ll always feel new. 

But then your phone begins to ring and reality washes over you like a cold shower.

“Wait,” You pull away from the kiss and slide off of the counter to his dismay, “I need to get that-”

“Ignore it,” Jungkook cups your jaw, trying to persuade you with longing eyes, “please ignore it-”

“I can’t, it’s my mom, something might be wrong,” You quickly answer the phone and walk into the living room. “Hello?”

“Where are you?”

“I’m at home, is something wrong?”

“You forgot, didn’t you? Your brother Leo, you were supposed to pick him up so he could stay with you for the night. me and your dad had to take Milo to his Taekwondo tournament for the weekend.” Your mother stresses over the phone.

“I’m so sorry! Mom, seriously, I totally forgot,” This is the worst possible timing, “doesn’t Leo have his license, he can drive here, can’t he?”

“We have the car. Don’t worry about it, it’s handled now, his friend came by and he’s staying with him.”

“I’m sorry, I don’t know how that crossed my mind,” You can’t help but feel as if you’ve disappointed her by forgetting such a simple thing, “I’ve been busy, I’m prepping for the next season, I’m working and in school, it’s a lot right now-”

The conversation  ends with a cold lecture from her and a solemn goodbye when she hangs up. You massage your temples, and look at Jungkook who’s coping with the best part of his day being ruined by a phone call.

“Everything okay?”

“I forgot to pick up my brother, my mom asked if he could crash here but I forgot all about it..”

“When have any of your siblings actually visited you? Except for your sister when she needs a babysitter.” Jungkook always sports a defensive tone when your family comes into the conversation.

“He’s only come over a few times. But he has friends who live over here so that’s normally why,” You take a deep breath. “She sounded frustrated so I know she’s upset.”

”Don’t stress about that,” He comes in close, wrapping his arms around your waist. “your mom shouldn’t beat you up about that, especially since she knows how much you have on your plate.” He smooths down your hair and kisses your forehead gently. That innocent forehead kiss quickly migrated down to your neck and you bite your tongue.

”Jungkook, please,” You get out of his embrace and leave him longing.

"Why do you keep pushing me away? I know you, this isn’t like you. You push me away but never for this long,” He follows you to your bedroom where you kick off your shoes and take off you cardigan. ”If you’re serious about making this work again, you’ve gotta help me out a little here.” 

You feel him looming behind you, so close that you feel the warmth of him on your lower-back, or is that his hand?

“You’re here, aren’t you? I’m being really nice right now,” You step away from him, “but you need to stop.”

“Stop what?” He feigns ignorance.

“If that’s what you were hoping for you should just go,” You pick up his jacket and hand it to him, “it’s not happening.”

“Ok, but do you mind if I stay the night?” 

You stare at him in disbelief for a moment, debating whether or not that’s a good idea.

“Why? It’s not even that late yet.”

“I don’t want to make the drive home, I’ll leave first thing in the morning.” He pleads, those big round eyes helping his case immensely.

“Fine. But you’re on the couch,” He looks a bit disappointed but he was expecting that, “I’m gonna shower, you can wait for me or use the guest bathroom if you want.”

With that, you walk off into your bedroom to get your clothes and then into the bathroom in the hall. Though you hesitated to let him stay, it’s really not a big deal now that you think of it. He’s stayed over more times than you can count so you feel no need to punish him by saying no.

Baby steps. 

Jungkook falls into the couch, relieved and anxious—but mostly relieved. He was sure you were going to throw him out. When he hears the shower turn on, he begins to wonder what you might be thinking about, do you want him the way he wants you right now? If so, you’re hiding it pretty well. Just being in your home makes him feel comfortable and happy, that and your presence. You’ll be a while in the shower so he figures a few moments of relaxation on the balcony won’t hurt. 

*

When you step out of the steamy bathroom, you hug your robe tightly to your body. Curious to see what he’s doing you peek out of the hall and see him on the balcony, shirt nowhere to be seen and smoke wafting from the little stick in his finger. Jungkook has always been a temptation, a forbidden fruit so to speak. You had one bite, and that’s all it took. 

It’s a warm night, that’s probably why he’s showing all of the neighbors his tattooed glory, you giggle to your self at the thought. You run to your room to slip a t-shirt and shorts on so you can join him, you can indulge him in conversation at least.

“Hey, I was going to get a snack,” You open the sliding door and he looks back at you as he exhales a a cloud, “are you hungry?”

“I’m okay,” He puts it out in the ashtray, “thanks,” 

“You didn’t have to put it out for me,” You step onto the patio and close the door behind you.

“I was done anyway,” He says that but he clearly wasn’t, he’s just being sweet, “how was your shower?”

“Good,” You sit beside him, “you can go ahead and shower if you want to, you know where your clothes are.”

“I will in a minute,” He looks out, enjoying the view of the city, “it’s beautiful out here...”

“Yeah,” You smile, reminiscing on the many moments you two have shared together on the balcony.

“So,” Jungkook sighs, probably reminiscing on the same thing, “do you want to do that exercise?...”

“Exercise?- Oh, the eye-contact thing, we can...” You turn to him and he does the same, “so, do we-”

“Shh,” He holds a finger to his lips, “we’re not supposed to talk,” 

You swallow, eyes locked on his and his on yours. His eyes are so dreamy and mesmerizing, they always have been. This eye-contact is giving you a great excuse to analyze his face. The little mole under his lip, his cute nose and cheeks—you’re trying not to look at his body but it’s hard to do that right now. 

He’s doing the same thing to you. Your eyes, nose, lips, he’s just taking it all in as if your a sculpture at a museum. Looking at each other like this reminds you both to see each other, to really see the human you both decided to love.

“Jungkook,” You know you’re not supposed to talk, “don’t cry...” You thumb the tears away from his cheeks, your motherly habits kicking in.

“Shit,” He wipes his cheeks, “I don’t know why I’m crying, I just-...I really love you, like, just staring at you really fucks me up.” He’s so emotional, it’s more endearing than anything.

You cup his jaw and kiss the apple of his cheek, then his lips. His hands are almost shaky when he reaches up to hold your face, you lead his hand to your face to let him know that you don’t mind.

“I love you too,” You breath, your head in the nape of his neck, “but I can’t do this, I shouldn’t...”

Once you realize you’re no longer in your own chair but in his, it’s too late to pretend you’re not equally as desperate. It escalates and the best and worst happens. 

[heymeowmao]

2022.04.30 - https://weibo.com/l/wblive/p/show/1022:2321324764011336958305

Have a great weekend~!

LYN: Hallo everybody, good evening. I am Modern Brothers Liu Yuning. Welcome!

C: You’re not planning on having a bite to eat? LYN: Your normal eating time is yours but mine is... uncertain. As an outstanding actor, one of the basic requirements is to...defy hunger. Because sometimes we’ll be working on shooting the drama and it’ll be lunch time, but we have to continue shooting. We can’t just stop what we’re doing to eat. LYN: It must be a lot of people’s dinner time now though, so if you’re eating you can continue and watch my stream at the same time. It’ll help you eat more. C: I’ve already eaten. LYN: That’s nice. You’re full so... you have the strength to watch my stream, is that it? But watching my streams don’t require much strength... 

LYN: Happy May 1st~ C: A May 1st without Heroes isn’t happy. LYN: I saw Tencent made a post of all the dramas it will air in May. Heroes is listed in there. They typed the title wrong.... at this rate, do you think it can air?? LYN: I send it to our group chat and told them it seemed like it would air soon. They said, “Probably.” But it’s really hard to say. These announcements are only temporary, we won’t know for sure whether it will air or not. I guess it depends on the boss’s mood- whichever one he wants to air will air, whichever one he wants to see first. It’s only a matter of time now. I told the chat not to be anxious- our time will come sooner or later.

C: What a refreshing hairdo. LYN: Yeah. When I streamed the last time people were saying my hair was a mess and didn’t look nice. I remember someone’s mother said I was “greasy”. So I decided to make my hair a little cleaner and neater this time around. I don’t expect anyone to be calling me “greasy” during this stream.  C: You sure can hold a grudge. LYN: This has nothing to do with my grudges. I only wish those who have something against me do better and better. They’re only giving me some nice advice- there’s nothing to hold a grudge for. 

C: I had a feeling you would stream today. LYN: What nonsense “feeling”? I always usually stream on a Fri-Sat-Sun, because I know you have the day off. Statistically speaking, it’s usually always Saturday. What “feeling” can you have? I didn’t even predict I would stream today. I just thought it was Saturday, so I should come. But I can’t stream ALL the time, because then it will give people the impression that I have nothing to do. Like I’m very untalented- that’s likely to hinder my future development. So I have to make it seem like I’m busy, and that way it’ll look like I am constantly working on one thing after another.  C: Since it’s the weekend, you can stream for longer. LYN: No, I’ve got other things to do. I’m doing a lot of things secretly. There are some other things I’ve got to work on, but my streams- I think once a week is good enough. The most I’ll do is stream 5-6 times in a month. If you want me to do more than that, I really can’t. LYN: I can manage once a week though. Don’t worry friends, I won’t let you go hungry. I said I would come stream at 6p and someone said that was right at their meal time. You can eat at anytime but my streams are only once a week- how precious, am I right?

C: The bg music is too loud. LYN: This is the mood I want. You just don’t understand. A stream is like a restaurant: it’s hard to please everyone. Some people get excited when the music is loud, some people think it’s noisy, like hearing Ning-ge’s croaking voice. C: Will we spend the new year? LYN: Not today- I started at 6p. That would mean I’d have to stream for more than 5 hours. Forget it.

C: It’s so lagging. LYN: That’s a problem on your end, not mine. Find somewhere with wifi to watch better. I advise you not to use your roaming data to watch my stream, unless you’re rich. My stream is quite hq, I don’t want you to have to pay (for data) too much to watch it. Find someplace with wifi to watch. C: I’m not hurting for money // Ok. I’ll turn off the stream right now. LYN: I told people not to use their data to watch my stream and now a lot of people are saying, “Ok. I’ll turn it off, then.” Don’t be like this. If we flip it another way, you can indulge yourself sometimes. You can’t go around making money with nowhere to spend it! Be good to yourself every once in a while. You should spend money when you need to and save money when you need to. As for the money to watch LYN’s streams... you should spend some. Also, today is 4/30 there’s not much time left before your data resets on 5/1. If you have even 1GB left for the month, wouldn’t you want to use it before it goes to waste?

LYN: Many people have been stuck in quarantine for more than a month now because of the pandemic. Hang in there. I came to keep you company, didn’t I? You might be in quarantine with no one to talk to, but I’m here now. What do you want to talk about, let me know. I’m a good chatter.

C: I was about ready to sleep, why are you streaming? LYN: ?_? You’re sleeping at 6p? Are you a young person or not? Sleeping at 6... did you just get off the night shift? Isn’t that TOO early to sleep? Do you need to wake up at 4am to get to the market??  C: Ning-ge, I’m a kid, I need to sleep early.  LYN: Don’t give me that. All the little kids are staying up at night. It’s the older people who can't do it anymore. 

C: I’m with my family making dumplings. LYN: That’s nice. If I get the chance I’ll go to your house to eat them. 

C: What happened to the other mic? LYN: It’s a little more expensive. I didn’t buy it to use for streams initially- I bought it to use for my recordings, for my songs. I’m a little afraid to use it just normally, because I don’t want to touch it and break it. I can be a little more wanton with this mic- I can shout into it however I want but that one... I’m afraid if I shout I’ll break it. It wouldn’t be an easy fix, either. I’d have to send it overseas. C: Have you recorded with it yet? How was the result? LYN: I had two songs I wanted to sing with that mic. For the first song, the producer told me they liked to work with cheaper microphones. They liked the tone that the cheaper mic gave them. The new mic gave too clean of a sound. Alright, fine. So I didn’t get to use it for that first song. But- the “cheaper” mic I’m talking about isn’t cheap at all!! It’s a standard type all studios have, and they are quite expensive themselves. All producers have their favored mics- it’s normal.  LYN: I got to use it for the other song, though. It was worth it. Things are expensive for a reason.  C: Can normal people tell the difference between an expensive and a cheap mic? LYN: Uhm.. normal people can’t tell the difference. I’M such an abnormal person, and /I/ can’t even tell the difference. Honestly, I can’t tell. LYN: Every person and music style has a different mic that suits it. Some people suit one type over others. It depends on the tone of voice. When I went to record for my album they put four different mics in front of me and told me to test them out, to see which one suit me best. I tried all four and then they asked me which one I liked the best. Which one had the best tone? I said, “Um... how about the black one?” They replied, “Oh, yes. I liked the sound this one produced as well.” I replied, “No. (I picked it) Only because I only like the color.” I just thought recording with a black mic would look cool. I really couldn’t tell the difference in sound. C: That must have been awkward. LYN: No, it’s very normal. People who know me know that I just have this personality. I won’t beat around the bush. I won’t put on airs in regards to music. There’s something that left an impression on me- LYN: There are times people will go to music programs or events, and you’ll always have to adjust the mics beforehand. Singers like me will bring our own mics to calibrate it during the rehearsals. Obviously there’s going to be a line- someone ahead of me in the line-up does their rehearsal, and when they’re done it’s my turn. Many professional artists will be like this: “Hello, hello, hello? Ok- laoshi, please turn up the sound by 3 decibels. Turn down the bass by 2 decibels. The balance is fine. Please add...” [t.n: musical speak I don’t understand @__@] LYN: I’m standing there thinking, “Wow, they’re so amazing. So professional.” And then it’s my turn. I go up. Basically, you sing for a bit to test the sound of the in-ear and the sound of the mic. The sound technician will be in your ear, and they’ll say, “Tell me if you want me to make any adjustments.” I told them, “How about this? How would you adjust it so that I sound good?” They replied, “Ok, I’ll adjust it for you then.” I respond, “Yes. You adjust it for me.” When the technician is done adjusting, I’ll say it’s good. LYN: The least I’ll ask for is that they turn the sound of the accompaniment up and my voice down. I’ll ask them to turn my voice down, because I hate hearing the sound of my own voice. I don't want to hear myself singing because I’ve heard enough. XD They can adjust everything else for me, because they are the professionals. I’ll feel like this: sound technicians and producers are doing this one thing their entire lives. They might have adjusted one song for me, but in reality they’ve adjusted hundreds of songs for other people. They know better. They’re the professionals- of course they’re going to know more about the sound than me.  LYN: I’m very simple. I don’t care about the mic- I can sing on ANY mic. I used to sing on cheap 30-40RMB microphones and now I’m singing on ones that cost in the hundreds or thousands, who am I to be picky about sound quality? LYN: (I let the technicians take care of everything) And up until this point I don’t think I’ve ever sounded terrible, right? At least I never made a mess. I don’t need to worry. I just trust them to do their job.

C: Can I adjust the speed (of the stream)? LYN: Do you think I’m speaking too slowly??

--- Tian Xing Jian (Floating World) & Injuries::

C: Did you hurt your right hand when doing shooting? LYN: Martial artists will always have bumps and bruises. It’s normal when doing a fight scene, you just get used to it. In this drama I’m the best swordsman in the world- it’s a given that I’m going to be fighting a lot. I can’t just SAY I’m the best, I have to prove it (and win) too. LYN: In fight scenes, many of the shots are of blades crossing. But the blades we use to hit people with are usually fake. They’re made of wood, something like bamboo, so if they hit someone it’s not going to bring them much harm. If we had two metal blades, swiping them at each other- someone’s going to d*e. LYN: There are some special shots where the blade has to cross someone’s neck or face. Those are usually real. Because the camera is too close, if we use a fake one you can tell. We have to use real ones, and there’s this one kid in our group- the blade comes at him and he’s supposed to block with his arm. He blocked, but his face (eyebrow) didn’t. It’s a real blade, here. Very thick. He had a cut right here on his eyebrow. They had to take him for stitches. I didn’t bring this up to talk about the injuries, those are normal and merciless. But the thing is, we weren’t very satisfied with the scene so we had to do a re-take. He got hurt for nothing. But he’s a real professional, he got cut and could feel the blood start to drip but he still didn’t break character. He’s a nice kid. 

LYN: Recently we were doing a scene where I swing my blade and then turn my back to escape because there were too many enemies. I even asked the choreographer what route I should take for my escape. He told me, “You see that little step over there? Run over there and step up onto it and then fly out. You’ll disappear in an instant.” I said, “So easy? No flashy turns or kicks? I just fly away handsomely?” and he replied in the negative. He said, “How about this? Let’s try just stepping up onto the stair and then just running out of frame, first.” Alright, but in my head I’m thinking. “No- I need to be cool.” I can’t just step on it and leave. I want to fly.  C: How tall was the step? LYN: Not tall, maybe about half a meter? Really all I needed to do was step over it, but no. I was thinking I would step onto and then kick away. I wanted to fly up 1.5 meters and then land coolly. That’s what I designed for myself. So we started the take. I turned and ran to the step and kicked off of it- you know, I’m pretty tall and my legs are long... I think I got up to around 1.3 meters. Then, I was getting ready to land but I was looking out in front of me and all there is is tall grass. The kind where if I landed and there’s only grass in my face and an uneven floor waiting for me. So many scenarios flashed through my mind in the moment I was in the air- this grass is very sharp, if I land in it, my face is going to be full of holes. What do I do? I need to find somewhere to land? Oh- there’s a small rut- but if I land there I could fall. If I fall and the sword in my hands twists and I stab myself, it’ll be over for me. What do I do? Between ruining my face and my body, I choose body. I chose the rut. The moment my foot hit the ground I knew- I was going to fall. I knew it was coming, so before I hit the floor I started laughing. LYN: And then, in this scene everyone runs away. All the other actors had run off camera and turned back to look at me as I finished the shot. They were all standing there with crossed arms, watching me fall. Falling is normal, but I am 1.9m tall. Think about that image. A person of normal height falling is normal, but for such a tall person?? Of course, since I fell everyone came over in a hurry to check on me. They were like: Ning-ge?! Are you okay?!!! and I said I was fine. They said, “Even from that far away we could tell you were going to fall.” I knew that. “But before you landed we saw you laughing.” I told them it was because I knew I was going to fall and I was thinking it must look ridiculous for such a tall person to do do. They said, “We weren’t laughing at first, we came to check on you, but after we got here we started laughing.” I mean, that wasn’t very better though (that they laughed later rather than earlier).  LYN: I fell and hit my shoulder and right left hip. If you ask me if it hurt, it didn’t much- since I have been working out lately. I’ve been working out, so my shoulder has some meat (muscle) to pad me. The floor was fairly soft too. It really didn’t hurt that much. But to be honest I did daze myself and couldn’t really stand up. Have you all noticed this problem? That if you fall everyone around you will be in a rush to help you up? Their first reaction is to help you up. I think this is a very incorrect action. PLEASE do not help them up- let them have a break to recover. Remember this- if your friend ever trips and falls, do NOT help them up. Ask them if they’re ok but let them sit there to recover. I hit the floor and was dazed but everyone wanted to help me up. I DON’T WANT TO GET UP. I’M DIZZY. >.< Let me lie here until I recover my senses or until it hurts less. But no- they helped me up, so I just got up. They asked me if I was okay- honestly I was out of it- but I told them I was fine and to continue with the filming. I needed to be professional. But really, if you ever meet someone who has just fallen don’t help them up. Let them sit a bit. Because they themselves will want to sit.  C: Should I not laugh? LYN: You should, all my colleagues did. It’s just funny- such a tall person just face-planting to the floor. It didn’t hurt at all. I got home and saw my shoulder was a bit bruised is all. I just wanted to tell you that injuries are normal among martial artists. C: I want to see the bts. LYN: I’m sure you’ll see it. There was a camera right on me. I was supposed to fly but ended up on the ground instead. I’m sure they got that on film. I was wondering if they would put it into a bts, and if, in the moment I was falling, my eyes had rolled into my head or not.  C: You’ll gain fans. LYN: Get out of here. No actor ever gains fans for falling. I just wanted to tell you a funny story. “Because this guy fell, I started liking him. I like his works. His work is falling.” C: Lose fans. LYN: They’ll stop being my fan because I fell? LOL. Then... I guess they wanted to leave already and were just looking for an excuse. C: I’ll be a fan of your falling.  LYN: /sigh/ I might not have a lot of works in this category to satisfy you. If you’re a fan of my streams I can stream more. If you’re a fan of my songs I can sing more. If you like my acting I can act more. But if you like me falling... you might only see it once a year.  

---

C: Ning-ge, you’re a real professional. LYN: No, don’t give me that label. That’s the most terrifying. Professionalism is something only the self can exhibit. I’ve seen a lot of people who pride themselves on being “professional” not act that way. It’s all for appearances. Don’t create that persona for me. I don’t need it. People slack off when they need to. We don’t need to be “professional”.

C: Why do I feel like you’re streaming every day? LYN: I’m giving you an opportunity to see me, shouldn’t you be happy? Even if YOU’RE not happy, my fans are. It’s all good. 

C: When’s the variety show airing? LYN: I really don’t know, but we should be going to shoot it soon. We’re not sure, because each region has it’s own protocols in place and we might need to quarantine for some places. It’s all a bit more complicated now. We only know when we are cleared to shoot on the day of- these days we’re not sure which days those are. C: Are you changing the location? LYN: I think so. It’s not convenient for me to expose any of the details. We should be changing the location, yes. C: Shoot it all at once. LYN: This thing can’t be filmed all at once. You all know- recording for this show is loads of fun but it’s also extremely tiring. Last time we went to record two episodes we were filming for two whole days. We almost went crazy by the end of it. It was a lot of fun, but to start shooting at 10am, think about it. At the latest you’ll have to wake up at 7:30am- for hair and makeup, so we can all look nice for the camera. We start the shoot at 10am and end it at 1-2am in the morning. What are you doing for these 12-13 hours? You’re talking and running around nonstop, and to keep it up for 12/13 hours?? It’s mind-breaking. Your brain and body will both be empty. After two days you’re completely exhausted.  LYN: The next time the crew told us we would shoot 4 episodes of content at once. We’re all mostly actors- it’s difficult to request time away from the drama crew, so they wanted to shoot 4 episodes at once. I can understand, but that means we’re tight on time. We discussed it and said that’s fine, but can we shoot two days, rest one day, then shoot another two days? If you make us film for four days straight I’m sure we’re all going to be goners. LYN: We don’t know yet when we’re going to shoot but I’ll let you know when the time comes. But also, don’t you all buy information? Do you need me to tall you? A lot of things you know more about than I do. Why are you coming to ask me?

--- Heroes & Novel vs Drama Adaptations::

C: When is Heroes going to air? LYN: I don’t know. There’s a possibility it can air in May, but who knows. Stop asking- it doesn’t matter who you ask, there’s no use. You can continue to look forward to it, but not too much. I just don’t want you to be disappointed when it finally does air because your expectations were too high.  C: Tencent said May. LYN: They did, but they have so many dramas, do you really think all of them can air in May? They’re all on standby- it’s not a definite thing that they can air. It’s only a matter of time. We’ll be famous whenever it airs, sooner or later. I’ve already been “un-famous” for so long, more waiting isn’t going to hurt me.  C: Ning-ge, how do you think you acted? LYN: You mean in Heroes? I think I acted just averagely. As an actor, there’s no way I can say that I have acted well. There are a lot of things that will help you, like the story and the character. I can’t say if I acted well or not, that’s for you to decide when you watch it. If you think it’s good, then it’s good. If you think it’s bad, then it’s bad. It’s fine. When the drama airs there will be a lot of ways to play, and I can show you around. I’ll bring you a lot of enjoyment. 

C: I’ll lower my expectations then. LYN: No, I- I had just gotten off shooting for The Long Ballad and I was so TAN from that. And then, since I had a bit of a break I let go a little and ate (without watching his weight). So the first period of filming I was kinda ugly. Fat and ugly. In post- I couldn’t stand watching myself, and that’s around the time I started using the Thermage. I took two days out of filming to do it. ZSX is a pretty handsome young man, right? At first he didn’t feel any pressure because he knew he was the best-looking out of the whole crew. He’s also the male lead, after all, so he had no pressure. ZSX (according to LYN): Ehh~ LYN’s not as handsome as I am. LYN: But after shooting about half the scenes I took some time to do the Thermage. When I came back I had a scene with him- after we finish shooting we monitor. When we were watching the playback he was surprised. He said, “What’s up with your face? What did you do??” I asked, “What’s wrong?” He said, “There’s no way. In the screen just now you looked younger/fresher than I did. How did you do it. What’s up?” I said, “I didn’t do anything, just the Thermage.” It was in that moment I felt that he finally felt a little threatened.  LYN: When you watch the drama you can break it down like this: if you think I’m ugly, that was before the treatment; If you think in a different scene I look pretty decent, that was after the treatment.  C: Is it THAT effective? LYN: Probably not, it’s just that at that point in time I was also doing my best to lose weight, too. I was at my thinnest, at 134 (lbs???)- just for those few days and then later I gained it all back.

LYN: That’s why I said- when you watch my dramas at home, you’re probably watching on tv right? Use your phone and turn on the beauty filter. Aim it at the tv and watch me through your phone. Alright? If you think I’m a little chubby, turn on the face-slimming feature. If you think I’m too fierce, add a little kitty filter- the one with cat ears. Watch me on the tv through your phone filter. That’s the way to go. LYN: I’ve also heard that people are saying Bai Choufei is not a great character. I can’t give you any spoilers, but whether he is good or bad, please don’t drag me (LYN) into it. If you hate BCF and don’t consider him human, you think nothing of him- you can curse at him. Just don’t come to curse at me. Alright? Please spread the word for me. “BCF’s words and actions have nothing to do with LYN.” LYN: BCF is a very complicated character, and everything I’ve acted is taken from the script. Everything I do and say is as scripted by the scriptwriter, so you can’t curse me. No matter how trash BCF is, you cant hurt me. I just work here. We (you and I) are the same. I only acted as the script instructs. I am only BCF’s face. 

LYN: Another thing is, the drama may not adhere strictly to the original source novel. It’s not that we disrespect it, there are just some things the drama cannot follow. I may not be able to explain this well, but for some things- like with the novel, you will read it and everything goes smoothly (according to how you imagine it described in the book). To take these same elements and apply them to film is something we are unable to accomplish (due to physical impossibility, censor, etc). You’ll see a dialogue in a book and think nothing of it. But applying the same dialogue to a screen and have it acted out by people and you’ll find it a little awkward.  LYN: In order to smoothly film and so that the drama is ABLE to air, there are things that inevitable have to be changed. There’s just no helping it. For example: - in the novel, BCF doesn’t like to wear clothes.  - in the novel, BCF’s main weapons are his middle fingers. LYN: Normally, BCF doesn’t use weapons at all. He’s best at using hidden weapons and his hands. His middle finger is the strongest. Before he fights with someone he is likely to show them his middle fingers. Do you think the drama can just film that as is?? YOU TELL ME. The two people are fighting and one of them just brings up his finger. I don’t think it can work. These are elements from the novel. What, do you want them to flick someone to death? I don’t think so.

C: Where are the hidden weapons stored? LYN: I don’t know, I never read the source material. I figure if he picks up a rock, it counts as a hidden weapon? But yeah, his strongest weapons are his middle fingers. Some people use their thumbs. I forgot which character- his strongest weapon is his thumb. Before he fights with people he gives them a thumbs up. I’m serious. This is all in the novel- go ask the fans who’ve read it. But do you think these things can be filmed? Do you want people to laugh themselves to death??  C: How can he store weapons if he doesn’t wear clothes? LYN: No- just because I said he doesn’t like to wear clothes doesn’t mean that he also doesn’t wear clothes when he GOES OUT. It’s not that he likes to be nude when out and about, he likes to be nude in his own house. People come and report to him in his home. He wears clothes outside. If he didn’t he’ll get jailed by the governing officials.  C: What happens if someone comes to try assassinate him in his own home? LYN: He has his middle fingers! It’s not like his hands are indisposed. But I can’t do that in the drama- we’ve designed it so that I use a weapon instead. I can’t just be fighting with someone and then use my middle fingers- that will look strange. So in the drama we’ve adapted it so that BCF uses a weapon. What’s a suitable replacement for the middle fingers? Daggers.  LYN: The novel is so many parts as well, we can’t shoot EVERYTHING. We’re not filming a 100+ episode drama here. So we have to pick and choose what content can be kept while sticking to the source but also allowing us to film smoothly. Novels and dramas are two different things. Some dramas only use the novel’s name- I mean, the novel character’s names. XD They can’t film everything.

LYN: Remember, I told you. There’s a character called Guan Qi. In the novel he is designed so that he is unbeatable. No rival in the world. Six of the best fighters in the wulin together can’t beat him. In the end he was taken away by aliens. A flash appeared from the sky and he was taken away by aliens. Do you think we can put that on film? Do you think I’m bullshitting you? I’m not. It’s a real thing in the novel, go look it up. LYN: Guan Qi was taken away to film for San Ti (Three-Body). He was taken straight to the three-body universe. Isn’t that strange? XD C: It’s real but I still think you’re saying nonsense. LYN: Go look it up!!

LYN: There are quite a few dramas nowadays that are being adapted from novels/short stories. I’m not a professional so I don’t know but from a viewer’s perspective I think it’s actually quite difficult to make the adaptation. Some stories are from 20-30 years ago and represent the way of thinking at the time. Time is changing and we’re advancing. So much of what was written/filmed back then- if we apply modern filming techniques to it- we won’t understand. Because it was a product of its own time. There are some things we are just unable to replicate. I think people need to take some time to comprehend the concept. LYN: It’s alright if you don’t think Heroes sticks to the original source, but please try to understand. If you like to watch it, then watch. If you don’t, then still- don’t trash it. Alright? Just think of it as a whole new story when you watch the drama. Even if you’ve read the novel, pretend you didn’t. Just watching the people is fine, too. 

- he’s trending C: I came in from the trending topic. LYN: Thank you. LYN: Why do I get the feeling that if I’m NOT trending then I’m not worth your views? How can you be so shallow? Please subscribe to my weibo, you can watch my streams even when I’m not trending. Ok? Thank you, everyone. OTL

C: You’re the biggest villain in the novel, in the drama is it the same? (Heroes) LYN: I can’t spoil it, but the biggest villain is not necessarily me. You’ll know when you watch it. LYN: We’re telling a story of the jianghu, it’s not really a wuxia drama. What is “jianghu”? Jianghu isn’t fighting and killing, it’s human relationships and the ways of the world. Our story is about the relationships and ways of the world. Everyone’s going on and on about “wuxia” dramas but nowadays no one is going to admit that they are (the genre). LYN:  Last time Director Li Muge even left a comment to a question that asked, “Are you shooting a wuxia drama?” He replied, “We are shooting a story of the jianghu.” Ever since that moment (people assumed Heroes would be a wuxia drama) I’ve discovered people like to criticize fight scenes. When this drama comes out, please don’t pay attention to the fighting. Our story is about the jianghu. If you really wanted to see and were passionate about fighting scenes I suggest you watch Huo Yuanjia. Watch Ip Man, and movies like that.

C: I don’t have anymore roaming. LYN: Connect to a wifi. Don’t you have a roommate? A lot of my friends seem to have roommates- ask them if they still have data, expiring tomorrow. You can use their mobile hotspot.

C: Were you talking about QSTX? LYN: Why would I be talking about someone else’s drama? I was talking about Heroes! Don’t go around assuming I was talking about QSTX, I’ve been talking about my own drama. If you start something, don’t drag me into it! I’m innocent. All this time I’ve been talking about Heroes! LYN: This is like- there are two classes. Class A and Class B have started fighting. All of a sudden LYN from Class C says he wants to get involved. What does it have to do with me?? I didn’t get involved, I didn’t say anything, alright?! C: They’ve dragged you in mutliple times already. LYN: I know! Why are you getting me involved???

LYN: I saw something... the intention was to trash the role of Bai Choufei, and then they started trashing LYN. The drama hasn’t even aired yet! They used BCF as an excuse to trash me. They were saying things like how I was trying to break up the CP between the leads and steal away the FL. I think there’s no need for this, my friends. First of all, the relationship between ZSX, YCY, and I- I won’t say anything, you can judge for yourself. I’m at such an (old) age, I will never to petty things just to hate on someone else or to get a leg-up. I swear, I will never do those things. The three of us have a great relationship. So if you want to start shit by stirring up dissent among the cp shippers, there’s really no need.If you really think the 2ML and the FL have are a better ship, you can keep that in your heart. Don’t use this to hate on me. Do you know how the ML will feel if he hears this? It’s like a very cliche threat. LYN: It’s not BCF’s fault, I’m just... (someone who people love to hate). I really don’t care. I don’t think ZSX or YCY would care about it either. We already made an agreement- if my character does something terrible to hers and her fans started cursing me, I asked her if she could tell her fans not to. She said it was ok, that her fans were really cool and wouldn’t curse at me. We’ve already thought this through long ago. C: This drama will let us see the light in BCF. LYN: It won’t, there’s no light to see. The drama hasn’t even aired yet, let’s not try to talk about proving someone’s innocence. This drama has a very clear distinction between good and bad, love and hate. If he’s bad, he’s bad. There is no grey area. It’s going to be very black. That’s why I asked YCY to tell her fans not to curse at me. Of course, ZSX’s fans as well. It doesn’t matter. You’ll see when the drama airs.

LYN: It’ll be fun, because usually when a drama starts airing, the platform will ask that the actors stream to promote the drama. They won’t even have to ask us. We’ll stream of our own free will. The platform hasn’t even said anything to us yet and we’ve already planned out a stream for when it starts airing. I’ll be the host and they can be my guests. I’ve thought about this- I was going to buy some lapel mics, and they can sit here next to me and we’ll stream. Self-promotion. LYN: It’s perfectly normal for a person to continue to promote a drama after they’ve finished and even while they’re still filming for it. Why? Honestly, the most you can do in one year is film for three dramas. Even if they’ve finished being filmed, they’re not necessarily going to be able to air the next year. It’s not like you can just take the money, spend it, and then the rest of the drama has nothing to do with you. That’s not right. Every actor wants more and more people to see their work. So what can you do? You have to do your best to promote the drama, otherwise all your hard work will be for nothing.  LYN: We spend up to four months working on one drama. For someone as popular as YCY- it’s not difficult for her to decide to scrap a drama and work on multiple variety shows in that time period instead. If she does that, she’ll get more and faster exposure. People really don’t film dramas just because they want to make a quick buck. People shoot dramas because they want there to be a final product, for people to see. The actors and crew spend their time and put in so much effort to make something that they hope can reach a wider audience. You’d be crazy not to try and promote it as much as you can.

---

LYN: There’s a drama lately called “I Am a Superstar.” Do you know it? The male lead is Wei Daxun. Even though I wasn’t in it, I can still promote it, right? You can watch it when you have the chance.  C: I don’t know it. LYN: Well now you do. It’s pretty good- Xin Zhilei and Wei Daxun’s drama. C: You know WDX? LYN: I know him. We’ve done a variety show together, and he’s also from Dongbei. We’re friends- everyone in this business counts as a friend to some degree.  C: You helped promote his drama, is he going to transfer you 200RMB? LYN: Do you think I’m lacking a mere 200RMB? Let’s do this- if he sees this clip, he’ll willingly send me the money. If I try to force the money out of him it’ll seem like I have nothing left to live for. But if he coincidentally sees a clip of this, he’ll be so moved. He’ll be thinking, “LYN and I aren’t that close... why is he helping to promote my drama for me? Oh~ He must be a good person~~ In that case, I’ll send him 200RMB! He can buy two bottles of water with it.” It comes naturally. If he GIVES it to me I can accept it with a clear conscious but if I ASK him for it, then that’s the wrong thing to do.

C: Ning-ge, you’ll end up trending for asking WDX for money. LYN: I’m not that cheap! I’m ALREADY trending, aren’t I?

WDX: I sent it, Ning-ge. LYN: Oh?! I think I saw WDX came... (Word gets around) So fast?! LYN: Let me take a look. LYN: My friends- I really didn’t ask for this. He sent it of his own free will. I have to accept this, otherwise I won’t be giving him any face. Watch “I Am a Superstar” everybody. LYN: Thank you, boss. 

LYN: See? Isn’t he (WDX) much more generous than ZSX. Even though he (ZSX) is a rich second-gen... I’m telling you, the richer people are, the more stingy they get. XD LYN: When JNZ was airing, he came the once. but ever since then has he ever come back? Even ONCE?? Watch- when Heroes starts airing, as the male lead he’s definitely going to come. I’m not trying to talk shit about him, but the facts are right here in front of us. You can contemplate them yourself.  C: It’s ok, Ning-ge. I didn’t watch JNZ. LYN: XD. Even if you didn’t, just say you did. If you have to make it seem like paying me to promote their drama is worth it. Otherwise they’ll think I’m ineffective. They’ll want their money back.

LYN: I’ve been talking about him all this while, it’s about time for me to compliment him. Despite the fact that he never came back after that one time I promoted JNZ- as an actor, I think he is the best among young actors nowadays. I rarely make fun of him for his acting, right? I think his acting is great. Working with him is SO comfortable. Really great.

C: Is there any possibility you two can get together for a third drama? LYN: I know a lot of people always hope that this actor and that actor can work together. But there’s a problem. You want ZSX and I to be in a third drama together, is that right? Um.. I think it’s quite difficult. Why? Erm.. I could be shooting in the dark here, but I believe LYN can be 2ML for ZSX, but ZSX may not want to be 2ML for LYN. Ey~ This is a little... You know? C: Can you say that? LYN: LOL. I’m just joking!! I say a lot of things in my stream as a joke, please don’t be baited by it. C: Ning-ge, what about pairs? (1ML & 1ML) LYN: No- I can be second lead for him, I don’t need a pairs. Also- hold on, let me think if I can say this... Male-Male dramas are a lot fewer now. There are very little.  LYN: It all depends on luck. If there’s a chance, we could work together again. I’m willing to work with anybody!

- checking his phone LYN: WDX was thanking me, and said he would treat me to a meal sometime. Not only did I gain 200RMB, I also tricked a meal out of him. :p

- Olympic Gold-Medalist Zhang Jiaqi (diving) has dropped by the stream

C: You seem to be very free lately. LYN: Just because I’m streaming that means I’ve got nothing better to do? Is that what you think?? No, my friends, I’m just finding the spaces  between my busy schedule. Think about it this way. When you get off work and it’s already 6-7p, do you spend time out with your friends or no? Do you go to a KTV? Shop at the night market? Watch a movie? I want to do all those things, too, but here I am. What I’m trying to say is no matter how busy you are, you can always squeeze some time out for fun. This doesn’t mean that I have nothing to do. I have a lot of work, and I’ve also rejected a lot of work. 

C: Ning-ge, weibo now shows your IP address when you make comments. LYN: I think that’s a good thing. They didn’t expose your name and address, but if they know your IP address, that means that they can find you (if need be). I want to advise people leaving comments online to be kind (and NOT cyber-bully others). You reap what you sow, right?

- Xin Zhilei (actress) & Wang Yimei (women’s volleyball) have also stopped the stream

C: Your clothes makes you look like an electrician/plumber. LYN: You just don’t get it!! D: Though it looks much like a uniform, there’s also an element of intimacy to it. It’s like I’ll be streaming and then suddenly show up at your doorstep to fix your internet connection or to clear your pipes. If such a handsome person showed up to fix your plumbing, aren’t you at the very least going to keep him for dinner?? 

LYN: ZXD-laosjhi is here?? This is like a high-end shopping mall I’ve got going on. It’s like the Beijing SKP- I’ve heard you can always meet artists or celebrities shopping there. The celebrities are piling in! LYN: This won’t be called “Liu Yuning’s Live Stream” anymore. We’ll call it “Goodbye, Saturday”- directly competing with “Hello, Saturday” (Hi!6); Call it “goodbye” since Sunday is almost here. C: You’re like a big dummy who hasn’t seen the world. LYN: ... I haven’t seen the world... you’re right. LYN: You’re saying... Bai Lu-laoshi is here? Stop messing with me!! Am I really so famous right now? I need to take a look. // Stop tricking me- someone said ZLY-laoshi was here. That’s definitely a lie. She’s busy, how could she be watching my stream??

C: Zhu-laoshi says you owe her a song. LYN: Which song was it? // Was it Unparalleled? No- it’s okay. She can pick a different song each time. What did she say it was? C: She requested it last time. LYN: Unparalleled? Are you all YY’s fans?? Alright, I’ll sing it.

-- sings Unparalleled C: How does it sound exactly like the original... LYN: Yes, the kid who sang Unparalleled has plagiarized me. I’m preparing to sue him.

- some comments saying he’s too white/pale; it’s bc the lights are too bright and also he thinks the lights make him look better C: It’s pale (white) to the point it’s scary. LYN: ?? Are your walls at home all black?? Are you afraid when you look at your walls, then?

- people are saying he’s greasy again. :p LYN: Last time people said I looked a little greasy and were making fun of my high hairline. So this time I decided I would brush all my hair back. Do you think I’m that weak? I’m not. Please don’t mention my hairline, because I’m a spokes-model for a hair product right now. LYN: My forehead just looks big because there are two bright lights pointed at it. LYN: I’m not here to look cool- I just want to bring you something different every time, but look clean and neat. Those are my only requirements. 

C: Ning-ge, my delivery was just stolen. LYN: Report it! What are you telling me for?? Do you want me to report it for you?

C: Ning-ge, isn’t ZXD-laoshi in your stream to learn how to speak better from you? LYN: She can talk better than I can! Who do you think you’re looking down on? I’m telling you- anyone who is able to become a singer, actor, or artist is not that simple. The people who do well in this industry are intelligent people. Do you think people get this far just on pure dumb luck? Even if they do, they’re not going to last if they don’t learn fast. ZXD doesn’t need to learn from me; she already knows how to do it. LYN: Me, though. I’m only like this when I’m streaming with you. In real life I’m just a big dummy. I come across as lively and witty on stream, so people think I have a high IQ and high EQ. Save it. In-person I’m just a dummy. She doesn’t need to learn from me, she knows better than I do.

-- bathroom break --  - says his neighbors were fighting bc one of them thought he was too pale/white, and the other could not stand the insult to ning-ge. but after he came and broke up the fight and seeing him in person, they both agreed that paler was better XD and THEN he went to the restroom on the way.

- someone asks about Heroes, and he tells them to wait for the playback, where they can rewind about 30 minutes, bc he’s already talked about Heroes this stream

C: Can you pause your stream, I want to blow-dry my hair. LYN: I understand- they really like me so they don’t want to miss anything, but they also want to blow-dry their hair. C: Can’t you dry your hair and watch at the same time? LYN: No, because the sound of the hairdryer will be too loud. How about this- I’ll sing a song. You won’t miss any thrilling content, just a song. Alright? Let me find a song...

C: Connect with Zhu-laoshi. LYN: I can’t connect with her EVERY TIME she comes. What am I doing riding the waves of her fame? She came to watch because she wanted to. If she wanted to connect with me, she would have told me in a message. What do you take her for?

-- sings 明明

LYN: I just saw someone ask a very hurtful question. They asked, “What’s so good about LYN that just one of his streams is worthy of being on the trending list?” Um, bro- friend- I don’t know if you’re a man or woman... but you think I’m unworthy of being on the trending topics? Some people are saying it’s because I’m skilled, or handsome, or popular- that’s not it. I’m not skilled and I’m not handsome. Friend, how about you think about this from a different perspective? Celebrities can become trending for cutting their hair, changing their hairstyle, or wearing some clothing. I sit here streaming and talking non-stop for four hours, why AREN’T I worthy of becoming a trending topic? Tell me. I just want to ask. Someone else can spend 200RMB for Tony-laoshi to cut their hair and start trending. Why can’t I be trending for streaming for four hours? Tell me why. There is no “why.” It’s just because the people who are watching my stream are helping me. LYN: I don’t try to make a business out of this- I’m not trying to sell you anything. I just come here to chat. You could like watching or not. Even if you take it as some background noise, I still spend these hours accompanying you for four hours. How many people in your life are willing to do that for you? Other than you family and loved ones. How many of your friends would spend four hours doing nothing but chatting with you? Very few. Don’t you think I’m a rare and precious existence? Is it too much for me to be trending?

C: Other than my family, you’re the only one who would spend four-five hours talking to me. LYN: I’m not THAT valuable. Honestly, I’m not here streaming only for you alone. Everyone else is here, too. We’re all the same. It’s just that I have nothing to do- rather, after finishing up my important work I choose to come here. Other people use this time to have a meal or play games. I use this time to stream. It’s not that deep. 

LYN: I used to love talking back at my fans during my streams. Not with any ill-intent, just jokingly. But I’ve mellowed out a lot. People say I’ve mellowed out too much, that I used to say whatever I wanted without caring about the consequence, and that I’ve become weak now. It’s not that- It’s that I’ve come to weibo to stream now. It reaches a wider audience than before, so I have to adjust for the masses. I’m a more subdued version of myself but I haven’t lost my personality.  LYN: I connected with ZXD the last time- I hadn’t even connected with her yet, I just made some comments about her. People said I was being too mean. I wasn’t even talking back at her, if I did who knows what you might have done- stuck a “sexist” label on me? How terrifying would that be?

- in this revolving world of fandom, it is normal to hop around and leave one for another. on this front, ning-ge only has two requests. 1. if you leave, don’t tell him about it. and 2. don’t regret it.

C: Do you remember Yang Zi? LYN: How come you’re asking such a strange question. Of course I remember her. What’s wrong, friend? Do I owe her money or something? 

- lyn’s rule for mentioning other artists on his stream: if he knows them and their personality well enough and knows that they won’t be offended if he makes a small joke, he will mention them. (most times he just ignores comments that mention names of other artists)

C: Ge, you’re trending. LYN: Thank you everyone for watching my stream; it’s YOU who have given me this trending topic. I also thank my friends at weibo. They’re always looking out for me when I stream, just in case something happens. The last time YZ and ZXD came I was trying to connect to them but wasn’t able to. Later they explained to me the reason why that happened- it was actually my fault. I didn’t enable the feature. Thank you everyone and thank you weibo. All I have to do to start trending is to stream, but what do others have to sacrifice? They need to cut their hair! They have to have a whole new appearance to start trending, but all I have to do is to stream. I’ve got it easy.

C: Can you do some poses so I can take screenshots? LYN: ?_? Are we already at the point where you need to take screenshots from my streams to get nice pictures of me? I don’t have any promotional photos or head-shots you can use, you need to grab them from my stream? I don’t think that’s necessary. Other people will have photos of them by a beach or in a fancy hotel, but my photos will be of my in my stream? Holding a mic and wearing earphones? My market value will take a blow. C: So take some pics for us. LYN: Just because I don’t have any, doesn’t mean you need to rely on my streams for those pictures! I’ll take some- I already told you. When this drama wraps I’m going to take some. Me and ZSX and YCY- the three of us. We’ve been in contact these past few days to determine the style we’re going for. They wanted us to each pick a style. Like me, I’ll go with “live stream" style. ZSX is likely to pick a “young master of a rich family” style. YCY is probably going to go with a “school” look. Something like that. The three of us will go for a few shoots.  C: “School” look? Um... Ning-ge, you.... LYN: What do you mean?? I’m not in the range for a “school” look anymore? Well, how about I play the principal? Or maybe the Phys Ed teacher?? “School” look has many different types- it’s not all about the students, is it? At the very least I could play the guard at the school gates, right? In your hearts is the “school” genre already a non-option for me?? You’re saying if I accept a school-oriented drama, you wouldn’t be receptive to it, right? LYN: If you’re going to be like that... hold on a sec. Let me go change my clothes. If you continue on like this you’re going to exclude me from a whole genre. Just last year someone was looking for me to play a handsome school senior, and I didn’t take the role. Hold on.  -- goes to change his outfit LYN: I’m back. I need to change the bgm for this look. Is there anything that reminds you of school when you hear it? // No, this isn’t “school” enough. -- LYN: Can’t I still act as a student? No matter how old I am, I can still pretend I’m young. Don’t I look like a student now? If there’s a chance for me to act in a school-drama, I figure I still have what it takes. Even if I can’t be in the same class as you I can still act as a handsome senior.  C: A kid who was held back a grade. LYN: Let’s not. Let’s still study hard.  LYN: Where’s that person who said I couldn’t act in a school-drama. Get out here. I’m telling you- the clothes make the man. Don’t I look like I belong in school? Just a little? I was wearing my work clothes earlier because I need to make money to pay tuition. So I can realize my dreams.

LYN: At this moment I feel like I need to sing this song- (同桌的你)

LYN: See? I just changed into these clothes and already someone said they were going to report a minor for streaming. They want to report me, because I look so young I’ve regressed to a minor. You are a real friend.

LYN: You’ve forced me to do this. I was going to wear these clothes for a show, but I’ve exposed them already right now in my stream. I was going to wear them for an episode of a variety show- we were supposed to wear something to this effect. 

LYN: Is is a little bit like I’m cos-playing Harry Potter. I may not look like it very much... this is a “middle-aged” Harry Potter. I’m sure you’ve never seen that before. LYN: Hold on, let me find an eyeliner pencil...  - comes back and draws a (terrible) lightning bolt on his forehead C: Is that powder to cover your receding hairline? LYN: It’s not!! I’m drawing a lightning bolt! Have you ever seen HP?? What are you doing everyday? You’ve never seen HP? He has a lightning bolt shaped scar on his forehead. - goes to the bathroom to re-do it with a mirror

LYN: Alright. Let’s use this look to talk about ALZ. In ALZ I play Luo Mingxi. He’s an interesting character. Because he has a weak constitution at the end of the drama he’s taken away by Voldemort.  C: LMX is also taken away by aliens?? LYN: No, no. Guan Qi was taken away by aliens. Luo Mingxi was taken away by Voldemort. 

C: After you changed clothes my roommate says you look like you’re here to fix the air conditioner. LYN: That’s complete bs. This look has nothing to do with fixing an air conditioner. You could have said that for my earlier look, but not this one. I don’t believe your roommate said that, either. Looking at your pfp you look to be in your thirties. Do you still have a roommate? You should have graduated already. You must have wanted to curse at me yourself.  LYN: Also, this look is just for fun. Do the people who come to fix YOUR air conditioner look so handsome? Of course, there ARE also handsome ones out there. I meant do they show up wearing clothes like this? C: You can see our pfps? LYN: Yeah!

C: My mom says you looked like you repeated senior year six times. LYN: I couldn’t get into college and had to repeat senior year six times? I still count as a student, then. Just because I’m old doesn’t mean I can’t still be in school. 

LYN: No matter what I wear you guys can still liken me to something. Someone just said I look like the manager at a bath center. - /indulges them by pretending to speak into a “walkie talkie”

C: My daughter says you look handsome. LYN: Look at this. Children’s words hold no harm. Whatever they say is the truth.

- takes off his watch bc it doesn’t match the new look

C: What happened to your head, got hit by lightning? LYN: No~ Look at this. /pulls aside the jacket to reveal he’s wearing a Gryffindor vest/ Ignore the blazer, do you see what house this is? Gryffindor. HP has a lightning bolt on his forehead. Do you have no lives? What are you watching all the time? Dominating CEOs?? You’ve never seen HP? My goodness.  C: I watch your streams. LYN: I wasn’t streaming yet the year HP came out though. Don’t blame me.

-- sings 盗梦; 2x, because the stream lags

C: Lao-da, don’t be mad. LYN: What do I have to be mad about? The internet is lagging- you are innocent in this. It’s not like it’s something we can control. If the mic breaks I can fix it, but if the internet lags nothing I do will help. LYN: Still lagging? I don’t know- there shouldn’t be too big of a problem here on my end... Is it okay now? Then I’ll sing it one more time and we’ll see if it starts lagging again.  - starts the music LYN: I don’t believe it (would lag a THIRD time)! -- sings 盗梦 (for the third time, no lag this time!! :D)

LYN: Why would I get angry? I’ve been streaming for so long, this isn’t the first time it’s been laggy. Please don’t think I am a weak person. I’ve experienced darker times than this. The weibo streaming platform is already an improvement by leaps and bounds. You can’t even imagine the things I’ve experienced before. LYN: There are some long-time fans who have followed me since back in those days. Do you know what used to happen? People would rush in to the chat and start spamming curse words- the most outrageous things you can think of, and they’d keep this up for MINUTES at a time. Another thing that used to happen is the mic would suddenly cut out and all you could hear is the moderators trying to get it back online. It scared the tourists badly. Then they would directly cut to a commercial instead.  LYN: Those were a normal occurrence back in the day. The stream being a little lagging right now is nothing in comparison. I would be crazy to get angry over a small matter like this. Also, what do you expect me to do? Sue my internet provider?

C: Did you learn to talk back at people during those times? LYN: No, I was born with that ability. LYN: What I learned in those times was endurance. Nowadays- I don’t know if you’ve seen it- sometimes the streamer gets worked up and starts arguing with viewers. Or people will start criticizing them so badly they have a breakdown and are unable to continue streaming. Those types haven’t gone through training. No matter how you curse or yell at me in my stream, even if I happen to read the comment, it will not affect my mood at all. That’s what I’ve learned to do. LYN: Sometimes I will see something and keep bringing it up as an inside joke. Like when someone called me a Celestial Dog. Do you really think I hold that much of a grudge? I’ve just made it into a recurring joke, is all. 

C: ZXD is here. LYN: She’s been here. I know. She’s learning, because she’s going to be a streamer soon. LYN: She came here with her main account- a lot of artists use secondary accounts to watch my stream. Do you think they wouldn’t know about my stream? They all know, they just use secondary accounts to watch in secret. It’s alright to watch with your main, too. It’s not shameful to watch my stream.

C: Where’s your wine glass? LYN: I’m a student today. Can’t you see that I’m a... middle school student? So if I hold a wine glass it might not be a good match for this persona. Middle school students drink this- milk tea. C: College student. LYN: I’ve never attended college. It’s a shame. I’m envious of those who can study. To anyone who is watching my stream and is still attending school, you have to do well. I really envy you. Jiayou.

LYN: Some people recognized what coffee I was drinking (from the cup). They asked me if it was good or not. I think it’s just okay. Usually I just drink Americano and that only has one flavor- bitter. I don’t really like coffee, I just tell myself that if I do I can lose weight. The more bitter it is, the more weight I can lose.

C: Ning-ge, can you erase the lightning from your head? LYN: Why do I have to? It’s fine, isn’t it? C: What IS it exactly? LYN: It’s there to signify that this person is prone to be struck by lightning. 

-- Q&A Time--

LYN: If there’s anything you’re curious about, you can type it into the comments. I won’t sing any more tonight- I’m afraid the internet will start lagging again. LYN: Hold on a sec- let me turn on the A/C. In order to show you a schoolboy look I’ve worn three layers so I’m very hot right now. LYN: If you have any questions, you can ask. I haven’t been interviewed in a while, I kind of miss it. I’m not popular, so I don’t get interviews.

C: If you drink coffee, can you lose weight? LYN: I don’t know. I usually drink an iced Americano- it’s bitter, so then I find it gross. When it’s gross I lose my appetite. If you eat less, naturally you’ll lose weight. This is a very unhealthy method, though. Don’t do it.

C: Have you been working out because your next role requires you to bare skin? LYN: Let’s not. It’s because people say your skin be healthier if you work out. For a period of time I was swelling for no reason; I guess because I’m getting old. People told me I should work out, because the exercise speeds up your heart rate and improves your blood circulation, which keeps the skin healthy. I did it to reduce my swelling, not because I have to show skin for my next role.  LYN: I already told you I’ll go shirtless when I hold that concert when I’m 60. A group of old ladies in the audience, watching an old man on stage go shirtless. How thrilling.

C: Did you finish voice acting for ZC? LYN: It’s done. The first season only has 24 eps, so those are done.

C: Can you tell us about your next drama? LYN: I can’t. The production company has it’s own schedule. I can only tell you after they announce it. Let’s not rush it.

C: Did you sing the OST for A Dream of Splendor? LYN: I probably, if I remember correctly... - No, I recorded it already. But for OSTs the production also has their own announcements. They want to keep it a secret, to surprise you with later. But here I am, already spilling the beans in my own stream. It’s not very good of me. So next time don’t ask me. Leave it up to fate. I will say though, usually the dramas I sing OSTs for do pretty well. :) Any producer-laoshi (who is watching my stream right now) can think about that themselves.

C: When’s the second album coming out? LYN: I’m not in a rush to release it. I originally intended to release it February or March, but it was held up by a variety of things. First of all, I can’t find/pick enough songs- it’s going slow. It’s alright if my album is held up, because I am constantly singing OSTs. LYN: I’ll tell you why it’s taking me so long- it’s because sometimes I receive a song and I don’t know why I should even put it on my album. Sometimes I get ones that don’t even sound as good as the OST songs I receive. So I wonder why I should spend the money to release a song like that. When I sing an OST, I RECEIVE money. If I make my own album I have to SPEND money. If it doesn’t sound as good as an OST, then I don’t see the need to use it. Choosing songs is a very complicated process. I have to take it slow. But I have a lot of OSTs, some about to be released. Anyone who is anxious to hear new music from me won’t have to wait long. 

C: Straighten your tongue and then talk to me. LYN: Who do you think you are? What do you do? Why should I “straighten my tongue” to speak? Are you trying to say that I-  LYN: /speaks without moving his tongue/ I’ll speak with my tongue straight for you. You are now watching Modern Brother’s Liu Yuning. LYN: You must have misunderstood me- it’s not that I can’t speak Standard Mandarin, I can. But when I use Mandarin I feel like I’m lying. I feel like it’s not as sincere. So usually when I stream I’ll use my hometown dialect. I CAN speak Mandarin, though. I use it when I’m shooting dramas.

C: Do you usually eat the meals provided on set? LYN: Not really, because I rarely eat during lunch. I told you before, right- the production crew will provide you breakfast, lunch, and dinner; but if you don’t eat it you can request the daily meal premium to be returned to you. I think I get 50RMB/day, and my workers will get 40RMB/day (for meals). We don’t eat and I request the money back; I keep it safe for my employees and return it to them in their yearly bonus. XD LYN: Lately though my RV driver has started making lunch. So then we started eating lunch that we made ourselves. If I want to eat something, they’ll make it for me and we’ll all eat together.

C: Ning-ge, it’s time to prove you Mandarin is good. How about a tongue twister? LYN: A tongue twister.. is that too easy? Let’s forget it.

C: Why are you playing WSL’s song (as bgm)? LYN: It was random. Did you want me to say it’s because I’m a fan? I AM his fan, but I can play whatever song, it doesn’t need to be his.

C: Ning-ge, in the entertainment circle, who is your best friend? LYN: There isn’t a “best”, we’re all friends. What counts as a “best” friend? I don’t know. They’re all about the same. I don’t really have friends. No one stands out in particular. LYN: We’re all working. In this industry it’s hard to meet up. Just the fact that we can even send each other a message now and then means we are friends. Like YCY and ZSX- ZSX has A LOT of friends though. He’s been in this industry for a long time- a lot longer than I have, at least. You’ll find that there’s no one he doesn’t know. Whoever you can name- he knows them all. I might consider him a good friend and he may consider me a good friend, but I’m sure that on his end he has EVEN BETTER friends. LYN: Anyway, the three of us have a chat group. In it ZSX is considered more of the aloof type. Sometimes I see a funny article or meme and I will send it to the chat. YCY will reply “HAHA” and send a few other ones that she’d seen. ZSX is pretending he’s not there- he’ll read everything but not reply. YCY and I are chatting up a storm but he doesn’t respond to any of it. You know I don’t like to beat around the bush- I’ll direct a message at him saying “What’s up with you? The two of us have been chatting for a while and you’re not even going to deign us with a response?? What are you pretending for??” I’ll attack him directly. If you’re going to be like that then when Heroes airs I’m not going to promote any of it. We’re (YCY & LYN) not going to lift a finger. As the male lead, you can promote it yourself. XD LYN: He’ll feel threatened and then immediately reply, “Oh, no. Sorry. I’ve been emo recently.” I’ll ask him “Who has bullied you?? Tell me. I’ll yell at them in my stream.” No one has bullied him. It’s because there’s a movie that wasn’t able to be released so he got sad. He was emo because he couldn’t watch it.

- says he’s graduated past using the 2.5kg weights and can do 5kg (on each side? total?) barbells without his arms shaking.

-- bathroom break --

C: You didn’t change your clothes. Aren’t you hot? LYN: I am very hot. You try wearing a blouse, then a vest, and a blazer on top of it. See if you’re hot or not. You’d be hot too, but I’m going to keep wearing this because it’s just one aspect of being a professional. Look at all those female artists walking the red carpet in those beautiful dresses in the dead of winter. High heels, too. I just want to give you a pleasant viewing experience, so I’m going to keep wearing this. Even if it’s hot, I’m going to bear with it.

C: Ning-ge, QSTX is hot! LYN: Yeah, it is. It has to be! That has nothing to do with me, though. I’m just there to sing. All I’ve done is sing the OST. I was joking around when I said that usually the dramas I sing OSTs for do well, and I am well aware that I am not the reason a drama DOES end up doing well. The drama does well on its own and because of that, my song gets popular. If any future drama I sing for doesn’t do well, don’t blame me. I’m just the singer.

C: Is there an Ultraman in the cabinet behind you? LYN: No, there’s not.

C: Will we see Di Lin (ZC) by the end of the year? LYN: I don’t know, really. In the future also, stop asking me when my drama will air. I really don’t know. I can’t decide these things. What I tell you is what I see going around the internet. Nothing is confirmed. It’s only a matter of time, so let’s not think too hard about it.

C: When’s this drama wrapping? LYN: Soon. Maybe the middle of the month. There are still a few fight scenes we have to shoot.

C: It’s been so long since you’ve done a stage performance. LYN: You think that to be a singer you must perform on stage? It’s a give-and-take. If you’re filming a drama, you rarely get the time to go out and do other things. Especially now, I really don’t dare to go shoot a variety show or other program. There are so many crews in Hengdian right now, if you leave the city and want to come back they’re going to quarantine you. If I get quarantined and it will hold up the drama’s schedule. I don’t want to make trouble. If I were ONLY a singer I could go here and there and release a song or two. But right now I’m working on being an actor.

- stream is a bit lagging again, people wonder if it’s because he has too many viewers this time around. lyn asks if he’s still trending (he is). tells a story about how the last time he streamed he allowed the fans to go into the topic and start complimenting him for a 5RMB coupon for his concert. people who don’t know of him or his stream went into the topic out of curiosity, saw all the comments complimenting him, then asked if he had no shame. XD

C: When will you move to xhs to stream? LYN: Why would I move? I’m doing quite well here. Also, when I stream here I also get a trending topic. :) Streaming is the same everywhere. I don’t see the need to switch platforms. LYN: Also, last year I was granted the title of Weibo Live Stream King. I need to live up to it. Sometimes when I go out I’ll meet other artists and they’ll comment on it. “You’re streaming on wb right? I guess you’re No.1 streamer there, now.” They called me No.1. :) My friends, I’m telling you- people need to have something others cannot replicate/replace. This applies to any field of work- you need to make yourself irreplaceable. That’s how you keep stable and keep going.  LYN: Other platforms have contacted me and offered me money for moving to their platform. But I don’t want to go. I never want to rely on my streams to make money. I’m just here to chat with my fans and amuse some passersby. Sometimes I can get into the list of trending topics. It’s nice here.  C: Does weibo give you money? LYN: How can you be so shallow?? Why do you need to make everything about money? How can you ask about someone else’s salary like that? What, if they don’t give me money, I shouldn’t stream here? LYN: It’s already my honor that weibo ALLOWS me to stream here. Why should I expect them to pay me? The fact that they aren’t charging me for use of space is already good enough. What am I going to do? Go up to the CEO and say, “Hey. I’m Modern Brothers’ Liu Yuning. I’m streaming on your platform, do you think you can pay me 5k/month in living expenses?” They’re probably going to say, “You can stream or not. That’s up to you, and we don’t care.” I would be crazy. I don’t rely on this to make money anyway. I rely on selling eggs to make money. XD

- someone’s “roommate” accused him of turning on the beauty filter, and it’s true, he always does. but for this stream he had initially wanted to try and lower his hairline to make it look like he had more hair but discovered that if he turned on that feature, the cabinet behind him would lose its shape too. he didn’t want to be ridiculed into the next century so decided against it. of course, people want to see it, so he demonstrates. also discovered that along with the “big eyes” feature there is also a “small eyes” feature; to which ning-ge says, “I don’t believe anyone would use this. Why does it exist.” people continue to rib him for his settings XD

C: When the pandemic is over where do you want to go? LYN: Nowhere. After the pandemic I hope I can be on my way to work.

- someone asked him if his eyebrows are drawn on :p LYN: I’m a little weird in that my eyebrows are pretty thick/heavy but I don’t have many eyelashes. It’s strange because usually if people have thick eyelashes their eyebrows will be thick too. But I only have the eyebrows. I lost out.

C: My 8 year old is watching your stream and laughing. LYN: I’m being laughed at by a child, is that it? Little kid, do you believe in the light?* [*this is apparently an Ultraman reference]

C: Will you hold an online concert? LYN: Sure, when I have some free time. Of course it’ll be more condensed/simple and it’ll be free. We’ll see. Let’s put this pie in the sky to the side for now. You know I’ve always wanted to do a Disney stream. I’ve had a few chances but something always came up so Disney has been put on hold. I'll do it one day, I promise. C: Reminder to put up a notice for the online concert. LYN: You can come if you want to. We’re not one too many nor one too little. I will, though. I won’t be anything official, just a little something for fun. I’ll have to check my time, because there are still a lot of important things I have to get done.  C: Universal Studios, too. LYN: Um Universal Studios... I won’t be streaming. Because I have a partnership with Disney right now. /plays Magical Surprise/ C: Do you need to buy ticket to get into Disney? LYN: Do you think I can just walk straight up to the gates?? Pull the “don’t you know who I am” card? When they ask me who I am I’ll play Magical Surprise and say, “I sang this. Let me in.” No??? I have to buy a ticket just like everyone else. If you’re thinking I can just walk straight in I’ll tell you what they’ll do- escort me straight back out.

LYN: You know I don’t like to take advantage of people. That stream where I took you around Hengdian? Actually I didn’t have to buy tickets to get in at all. I have an actor’s pass- I could have just told them I was on my way to shoot a drama and they would have let me in. But I bought a ticket all the same. Those are the rules. C: Can I borrow your actor’s pass? LYN: What for? Also, you don’t look like me. If you did, you should be a celebrity. 

C: Ning-ge! My older sister is watching you stream and she won’t even reply to my texts. LYN: She’s too engrossed. She doesn’t want to miss anything I say or any expression I make. If anyone here is an older sister, check your phones. Is anyone trying to reach you right now? Is your delivery here and you have to sign for it? Don’t miss it. Just earlier in my stream someone’s package was stolen and they needed my help to report it. Hurry and check your phone. C: When I watch streams I don’t check my phone. LYN: You should check. It could be important. 

C: Are you going to stream tomorrow? LYN: I can’t stream all the time! Once a week is about right. I have other things to do- I need to pave the way for some future projects and I have to work. I have to have a life, too since I can’t work all the time.  LYN: Of course, I am very grateful for those of you who came right when I started and have stuck with me until now. How many of you are there? Type “1″ into the comments. C: Ning-ge, you said you needed to have your own life, too. That means that to you, streaming is considered work? LYN: Are you trying to morally kidnap me? Streaming isn’t work, but it’s still important to me. That’s why I’m dressed like this. If it weren’t important than I would just come to stream without washing my face or hair. I wouldn’t need to come stream for the public, I would just make a chatroom and hang out with you there. Streaming is important to me because not only are my fans watching, there are “tourists” and fans of other people watching too. I have to take it seriously.

LYN: Other than streaming I have to keep up my networking. Otherwise how else can I expect to find work? I can’t just play with you all the time. 5 hours once a week is good enough. I still have to attend some social networking things, so that I’ll have work later on. LYN: I mentioned the Fox Matchmaker in my stream that one time. Later they came to find me. They contacted my manager- I was scared to death. Was I wrong to mention them in my stream? Did I overstep my bounds when I was joking and saying I knew who they cast as the lead? They came to find me and they said, “Let’s talk.” I told them, “I’m in Hengdian” and they shot back with “It’s alright, we’ll fly out to meet you. Let’s meet up. I have three people, how many do you have?” Was I supposed to bring more people along? But I just went with my manager. We went and got to know each other. I thought we were going for a fight but that didn’t end up happening. It’s all good though, because now if they need anything they’ll have me in mind. So every now and then I do have to go out and have a social meal, for networking. LYN: Someone even told me I should go out for meals more often. Anywhere the bosses tend to gather, I should go. Because the last time I did I was able to get a job out of it. XD There aren’t that many meals to be had, my friends.

C: The Long Ballad is trending. LYN: ?_? What day is it today? Why is the Long Ballad trending? It’s not, right?  C: It has nothing to do with you. LYN: ?? What does that mean? C: Don’t worry about it. LYN: Oh. Okay, well... then we’ll just keep streaming. LYN: I’m not looking! I was replying to some messages...

C: Will you go back to Beijing when this drama wraps? LYN: I don’t think I will. I wanted to, for the Thermage treatment, but I think I’ll stay in Hengdian. I’ll have to go film for the variety show too, before my next drama starts up. So I’ll just stick around. C: What about the Thermage? LYN: XD Do you know why I like acting in period dramas? I’ll confess. Because they require you to wear the wig. When they pull your hair back to stick the wig on.. it’s like a manual face-lift. It helps your visuals. Some people you will find look very good in period dramas but when they act in modern dramas they... look ugly. It’s because the period dramas give you a face-lift. But now I’ve signed on with a modern drama. I can’t get the face-lift so what can I do? I can’t tape my own face up. So that’s why I was thinking I wanted to get a treatment before my next drama started. 

C: Will your skin sag when they take the wig off? LYN: No, it’s alright because it’s not pulling THAT harshly.  C: Will the wigs mess with your hairline? LYN: Yes, because they’re glued right there. Look, on me- it’s red right here. My head is a bit sensitive to it- it was the worst with ALZ. It was all red, it’s become a dermatitis. Because after the glue, they have to take it off with alcohol and it really irritates the skin. When I shoot for too long it gets itchy and uncomfortable.  C: Is there no way to prevent it? LYN: It’s just a skin sensitivity. There’s no way to avoid it. The hairline does get effected, because when you’re peeling the glue off you’re likely to pull some hairs. Also they’re sitting in glue all day.. yeah, they’re going to be hurt by it. [t/n: there is a way... grow your hair out and use your natural hair instead of wigs...] C: No wonder Ning-ge likes to wear hats during his stream. LYN: What do you mean? I was wearing hats because my hair was greasy from being stuffed into a wig all day, it wasn’t necessarily because I had an allergic reaction to the glue.

C: Shoot less period dramas then. LYN: No, I have to shoot them while I still can. I’m already so old, if I don’t do it now I won’t have the chance later. While I still have my hairline and my face can still be saved with Thermage treatments, I need to do as many period dramas as I can. C: You can still do period dramas- acting as the male lead’s dad. LYN: That’s fine too, I guess. If I start down that road there’s no turning back, so I’ll stick with younger roles for now. 

LYN: Alright. Thank you for watching my stream today. I hope you had a wonderful and relaxing night. It was great to have you and I hope you had fun. Let’s meet the next time, friends. Good night~ C: I just came and you’re leaving. LYN: I’m not doing this to you on purpose. I’m doing this to everyone who is still here right now. I already said I was going to log-off at 11p. If you want to watch my stream, you can watch the playback. LYN: Goodnight everyone!

[multiplefandomsblog]

Kazuichi, Byakuya, Gundham, Rantaro, Gonta, Leon, and Toko with an ultimate Broadway actress s/o

Desc; headcanons of kazuichi, byakuya, gundham, rantaro, gonta, leon, toko with an ultimate broadway actress s/o

Warnings; i tried to make this spoiler free, fem!reader, reader uses female pronouns, i guess this takes place at hope’s peak academy? pre-tragedy?? i dont really know about the v3 boys, haven’t finished the game lmao-

Gundham:

◊ He already knows a bunch about Musicals; especially the darker ones.

◊ He thinks your Ultimate is amazing, he loves all your plays.

◊ Neither of you know which between the two of you is more dramatic.

◊ Your dramatic personalities often intertwined, merging the two of you and making you both into one huge drama queen.

◊ It gives everyone a headache as you both scream, “My toe hurts!-” “My king’s toe hurts! Someone bring an ambulance, stat!”

◊ “Someone get the fucking chlorofoam-” “Hiyoko no-”

◊ This is a bad example, but you get my point-

◊ He enjoys Shakespeare and dark love story plays/musicals.

◊ So he would definitely enjoy acting one with you on stage, if you let him.

◊ He’ll somehow incorporate his Dark Devas into the play just for an excuse to bring them with him on-stage.

◊ Once he was playing Romeo and abandoned Juliet to save Cham-P after he ran offstage to eat a sunflower seed someone dropped on the floor.

◊ Fuck Juliet, mans knows his priorities.

◊ He’s kind of a musical theatre nerd, he enjoys discussing the message behind musicals you’ve played.

◊ Throwing in some compliments about how well you perceived the character, and how pretty you looked.

◊ He is always extremely proud and amazed at your ability to sing, dance and act so well all at the same time.

◊ He believes you don’t get enough credit for doing what you do, so he makes sure you know how proud he is of you.

◊ He sometimes quotes Shakespeare or some other dark musical while you two hung out, it was kinda cute seeing him geek out like that.

◊ “As said in ‘The Merry Wives of Windsor’, Better three hours too soon than a minute too late." Gundham quoted, pride laced in his words as he was proud of remembering that. “Gundham... it’s literally 5 am in the morning, the party starts at 12 pm. Go back to sleep.” Gundham blinks and nearly falls asleep where he stood. “Mmkay.”

◊ If he saw you dress up as the witch in Wicked, he would be whipped.

◊ His evil queen? In an evil costume? A dream come true!

◊ He thinks you look absolutely fabulous and praises you a bunch after the show, telling you how pretty you looked while you acted.

Kazuichi

◊ He wouldn’t know much about musical theatre, since he’s more into machines.

◊ But when you told him to come to a play you were going to star in, he jumped at the offer.

◊ 90 minutes of you? He must be the luckiest guy in the world!(Nagito would be proud)

◊ After watching his first play, he decides he is obsessed with musical theatre now, going to all your shows.

◊ He loves all the romance based musicals, he’s a sucker for romance what can he say?

◊ He’d obsess over all your plays, going into a lot of detail about his favourtite parts.

◊ He’s kinda like, your #1 fan.

◊ He has posters of musicals you’ve starred posted around his dorm room, just a bunch of merch of you and all the musicals you starred in.

◊ When you tell him he has a backstage pass because he’s your boyfriend, he is overjoyed. 

◊ He actually trained a bit to be one of the backstage crew members.

◊ He learned how to fix your make up during intermissions, fix a loose stitch on your costume, all that good stuff.

◊ Though every time he sees your face up close for make up, he goes speechless.

◊ He wonders every time, how the hell did he get someone like you?

◊ Though his hands are shaking from how nervous he was, he still managed to make you look absolutely amazing.

◊ He’d blast a bunch of musical soundtracks while he works on his machines, screwing on and unscrewing things with a bop.

◊ I can imagine Kazuichi jamming with you in the car. The car moving violently as you two bounced to the rhythm like mad men.

◊ I think he’d get pretty insecure if he saw you with a love interest, he would think that when you two shared a staged kiss or scene, that it was actually full of love and not fake

◊ But when you cheer him up and tell him how much you love him, he realizes he was being silly over nothing.

◊ After watching many many romance musicals, you notice he gets more romantic; most likely mimicking the love interests.

◊ He is still a bit insecure, but if he does more romantic things, you’ll love him right?

◊ You enjoy the silly grand gestures of love, but you try and assure him constantly that you don’t need any of it.

◊ You only need him <3

Rantaro:

◊ w o a h

◊ He’d love the fact that you’re an actress

◊ He thinks it’s so cool like-

◊ constant fanboying after shows

◊ He’s always bringing you flowers once you’re off the stage, showering you with praises and affections

◊ He’s literally so proud of you wtf??

◊ i think he’d be the type to show you off a lot

◊ “Hey you!” He points at a naked passerby(this is an inside joke, i am so sorry), “Guess what? My girlfriend’s a Broadway actress!” “Rantaro stop, people are staring-” “Are they? hEY YOU! YEAH, YOU STARING!! MY GIR-”

◊ if you ever started spitting out hamilton raps, he’d be the one beatboxing in the back ground for you.

◊  “Pshh, packow, psshh psshh, packow!” “How does a bastard, orphan, son of a-” 

◊ you two would jam out to musical soundtracks in your dorm, dancing dramatically as you did.

◊ you two kinda become like a duo of musical theatre kids.

◊ if you stood on a table and started belting lyrics, he would hop on and join you

◊ unless it was a solo, he would never steal your thunder.

◊ if you ever felt a bit nervous before a big show, he would assure you that’d you’d do great and tell you how much he believed in you until you felt better.

◊ he’s your charger before and after a big show.

◊ if you felt exhausted from acting and dancing around the stage, he’s always there to give you what you need most.

◊ whether it’s water, food, flowers, or just him and his cuddles, he always has it ready for you.

◊ the most recent musical soundtrack that you’ve played will be stuck in his head.

◊ For example, if you recently played in Hairspray, ‘Mama, I’m a big girl now!’ will be stuck in his head until the next play he watches.

◊ you’d catch him humming it during everything he does, 

◊ and it’s actually so fricking adorable.

◊ if you heard him sing a familiar tune, you would hum along with him.

◊ “Hmm, mmwhen I was, just a kid ♪” 

◊ Your ears perked up at the familiar tune, slowly you turned around to face him.

◊ “♪....You never let me do just what the older kids did…♪” You joined in quietly, Rantaro whipped his head towards you, a rising smile on his face.

◊ “♪ But lose that laundry list of what you won't allow ♪,” His voice rose slowly in excitement, pointing at you with a big grin across his face.

◊ And at the same time, you both sang obnoxiously loud, as if it was rehearsed, “♪ 'Cause mama, I'm a big girl now! ♪” Running to each other with excitement, 

◊ You let out a fit of giggles as Rantaro picked you up, “MY WIFE, PLEASE BE MY WIFE!” 

◊ This is how you two met and you can’t tell me otherwise-

Gonta:

◊ Gonta wouldn’t know much about Broadway musicals- which to you, a broadway actress, was unacceptable!

◊ so you made it your mission to get him to watch as many musicals as he possibly can.

◊ You’d tell him to come to all your plays, him excitedly agreeing despite not knowing what a play is.

◊ You’d do extra good knowing that Gonta was in the crowd watching you, wanting to give him the best first experience with musicals.

◊ He’d applaud at the end of every scene, trying to show his support the best he can.

◊ for his first play he watches, he ends up clapping a bit too early.

◊ he cheered and applauded super loud when he saw you on stage, but stopped when he realized everyone was staring at him.

◊ Though it was a bit embarrassing for both you and him, you felt your heart flutter at how his first instinct was to clap for you when you walked in stage.

◊ You’d introduce him to various musicals, beauty and the beast being his favourite.

◊ He definitely starts to obsess over the more ‘gentlemanly’ characters.

◊ his first impressions of the beast were bad; Denying that old lady shelter? How ungentlemanly!!

◊ so when the dude got cursed, he cheered lmao

◊ but as he kept watching, he could see the beast wasn’t too bad. 

◊ The beast had some flaws, but he obviously cared for belle, he thought.

◊ Oh but he hated Gaston, he really really hated him.

◊ If you acted with someone who played Gaston(and you as belle), he would have to hold back and not rip his face off every time Gaston said something idiotic or sexist.

◊ He had to keep reminding himself that, that Gaston wasn’t real(and thank god for that, real gaston would’ve been torn to shreds.)

◊ the dancing scene was his favourite part for sure.

◊ He’s sad he doesn’t get to play beast with you, but he still enjoys the scene nonetheless.

◊ something cute I can imagine him doing is surprising you by dressing up in a prince costume from the musical and asking you for a dance. 

◊ It’s the cutest thing ever oml-

◊ It’s such a beautiful moment, you two just dancing together in a random room with no care in the world.

◊ Your arms wrapped his extravagant costume and his arms wrapped around your pj’s.

◊ He’s a bit shy to be so close to you, but he tries his best to be confident and as princely as he could so he pushes his anxiety aside.

◊ As his stomach fills with butterflies, he becomes slightly confused and concerned, ‘Did Gonta eat butterflies??’ He slightly panics-

◊ ‘Those poor butterflies!!’

◊ He’d watch a lot of videos on how to ballroom dance in advance for this moment.

◊ He’s actually not that bad!

◊ Well- as long as you dance with your feet on his, so he doesn’t crush your toes.

◊ If you ever did some beauty and the beast scenes for him, he would be so happy. 

◊ He’d be even happier if you let him play the beast with you.

◊ He’d be smiling the entire time during a fight/sad/serious practice scene.

◊ *almost gets stabbed* “Haha oh no!” 

◊ When you sing during one of the scenes, he kinda just-

◊ becomes a puddle of a gentleman.

◊ his heart melts and disintegrates(haha what) of love for you. 

◊ he absolutely loves your voice, and would beg for you to sing him one of the soundtracks from beauty and the beast before bed.

◊ He’s really proud of all your plays, and is extremely happy that you–of all people–are his girlfriend.

Byakuya Togami

◊ In all honesty, he thinks your ultimate isn’t all that great.

◊ But as he watches one of your plays, his mind ultimately(see what i did there?) changes.

◊ He becomes impressed and dazzled from how passionate you look when you act, not noticing how you had him sitting on the edge of his seat.

◊ After watching you act, he literally cannot watch another play unless you are in it, finding it unworthy of his time and money.

◊^^this is before you two got together,

◊ you two got together after you found him in your crowd, applauding like the rest of them with the same bewildered expression on his face.

◊ You confronted him and he attempted to compliment your acting, but he accidentally let his feelings for you slip out instead, “I find you truly captivating- Wait no, I-I meant your plays. Your plays, they are truly captivating.” You watched in amusement as he stumbled with his words, eventually interrupting him with an, “Are you available right now?”

◊ So yeah, eventually you two get together, and good for Togami! Because now he doesn’t have to secretly applaud you as a fan, he can applaud you whenever and as your lover.

◊ After shows, he’d give you a single rose as a congrats or applause (so romantic!)

◊ If you ever decided to be chaotic and start belting out lyrics, he would just sigh and let you finish.

◊ Very rarely, you would catch him humming a small tune of a musical song you sang.

◊ But very very rarely. If you ever catch him and confront him about it, he will deny it completely.

◊ I think he’d probably like the more serious plays, he enjoys the meanings and emotions of them more than the sillier and playful ones.

◊ If he ever watched Mean Girls, he would start to slightly mimic Regina George.

◊ “Byakuya wha-” “Get in peasant, we’re going shopping.” 

◊ It’d be lowkey hot when you hear him sass you like Regina George tho-

◊ He’d have more big dick energy after watching Mean Girls, emitting his dominance to everyone.

◊ Makoto during a class trial: “So we know that she was at the scene of the crime, right?” “Shut up.” Byakuya flipped his imaginary long hair as Makoto stares at him in confusion, silence filling the room. “Shut up!” “I didn’t even say anything-”

◊ “The new motive is going to be-!” “Whatever, I’m getting cheese fries a book.” Byakuya sighed, turning on his heels and catwalking away.

◊ ...

◊ “IT’S PUNISHMENT TIME-!” “MONOKUMA WAIT NO-”

Leon

◊ Would go to every one of your shows.

◊ Would act like an absolute mom in the crowd.

◊*holding a video camera* You’re doing great sweetie!.

◊”That’s my girl!”

◊ You’d get embarrassed every time he does that.

◊ Hypes you up when you get nervous before going on stage.

◊ In back stage, he’d praise you and give you a bouquet of flowers.

◊ Where did they come from? When did he have time to get flowers when he was yelling in the crowed??

◊ Helps you rehearse lines even if he has no idea what they’re about.

◊ Will fight anyone that makes mean comments towards you.

◊ Even if it’s just constructive criticism, he will take it as an insult.

◊ “Hey s/o! You did great! Maybe next time you could-”

◊ Leon: “WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY PUNK!? DO YOU KNOW WHO SHE IS?! I HAVE FRICKING ARMS OF STEEL, I WILL-”

◊ Will take every chance to pick you up and call you a queen.

◊ When you guys watch other plays together, he always says how you’d play a better role or that you’d do so much better.

◊ He is pretty jealous of your talent, he has always wanted to be a singer instead of a baseball star, but his ultimate wouldn’t allow that.

◊ So if you let him sing some musical song duets with you, his heart will be so full.

◊ You make him so happy, he almost breaks into cries.

◊ You two of weekly karoake nights, always singing some Heather’s duet together.

◊ One time, you, Sayaka and Leon sang the Candy Store song, Leon being Heather Chandler, Sayaka as Heather Duke, and you as Heather McNamara.

◊ It was... amazing.

◊ Everyone was cheering, clapping and it praising all of you.

◊ You made Leon feel alive, and he really, really loves you for that.

Toko

◊ She loves your ultimate, and fangirls over you a bunch.

◊ She’s amazed at your confidence to go up in stage, knowing she could never do that.

◊ She thinks your confidence is kinda hot, and decides she is in love.

◊ Likes to add a character in her books that are a lot like you, maybe making them a broadway actress-

◊ She thinks about you a lot, sometimes accidentally blurting out how pretty you were in your last performance in front of everybody.

◊ You confronted her for it, and she almost passed out.

◊ “W-w-why d-do you think t-t-that? D-d-do you th-think you’re b-better than m-me or so-something?” 

◊ You already know her and her inferiority complex, so you don’t take offence to what she said, simply replying with, “I think you’re really cute.”

◊ Toko goes silent, except for a few “!??!??” noises that came out of her.

◊ “... U-uh, a-are you j-joking, be-because that isn’t f-funny!” She flushes, denying that you complimented her.

◊ “I’m not joking, here’s my number! Call me, kay?” You grinned before turning on your heel.

◊ She’s kinda dumbfounded, did her crush just ask her out??

◊ She denies it hard at first, not believing that you asked her out.

◊ Thus, not calling you.

◊ Well, I mean, she kinda did.

◊ She dialed your number one day, feeling a bit lonely.

◊ But as she heard your morning voice, she squeaked and hung up quickly.

◊ She felt her face turn into a fireball, her thoughts going into overdrive from how attractive your voice sounded.

◊ Your voice, she was attracted to your voice.

◊ The next day, when you ask her about what that call was about, she denies it and calls you stupid.

◊ Sprinting away while she screamed, “I-i-idiot!!”

◊ Acts like an absolute tsundere around you.

◊ You constantly flirt with her, trying to get her to accept a date with you.

◊ Being the dramatic hoe you are, you try and give her a declaration of your love.

◊ Knowing she is the Ultimate Writer, and into poems, you write one for her.

◊ You declared your love during one of your plays, knowing she sat in the crowd somewhere.

◊ You interrupted a scene and jumped off stage, “Toko Fukawa!”

◊ Her head perked up in surprise, eyes widening as she saw you on one knee for her.

◊ “W-what are you d-doing!?” She yelped, moving her legs away from you. 

◊ “I am in love with you. Completely and utterly in love with you, everyday when I see you so immersed in writing a book, I believe I am looking at an angel.”

◊ The crowd stared at the both of you, gasps and aws filling the air.

◊ Toko flushed, you watched her while she wrote?

◊ “For every time you’ve told me I was a fool, an idiot, you weren’t wrong. Because I am a fool, a fool in love with you.” You had one had on your chest, looking into her eyes sincerely.

◊ Her eyes glossed over so slightly you couldn’t see, looking around at the crowd before uttering out, “Y-y-you r-really love m-me, h-huh?” Her face contorting into a lopsided smirk, watching as you giggled.

◊ You laughed out, “Absolutely.” 

◊ WHY DID THIS TURN INTO A ONESHOT WHAT WHY WHAT WHYYY

note; thank you so much for reading and sorry for the wait!! we tried our best to finish these together, thank you so much for your patience.

[remakethestars]

CABIN 5 — ARES

Headcanons.

❝We shouldn’t equate being a badass with never feeling scared, with never needing self-care, with never being affected by the world. I mean, I think ‘badass’ comes with knowing what makes you feel comfortable and secure, and when something doesn’t, unabashedly saying, ‘Nah.’❞

— Kim Rhodes, The Wayward Podcast

Headcanon masterlist.

Ares is more than just the god of war.

He's also the god of civil order, courage, fear, masculinity, rage, rebellion, & violence.

TRIGGER WARNING: mentions of homophobia, blood (there’s a gif of bloody knuckles), mentions of death.

C5 kids have excellent posture because they're always training, so they're always wearing breastplates. And I assume breastplates improve your posture the way corsets do.

A lot of them do that thing cops & army people do with their vest where they kinda hang their hands from the collar? Bane does it in The Dark Knight Rises, though I must admit he kind of looks weird with his elbows out like that?

Also because they're always training, they've got a lot of scars.

They've got a lot of year-rounders.

Kicking the bed above to wake your bunkmate up.

Steel-toed boots.

Parachute cord laces with knots at the ends for quick donning & removal.

Laces are wrapped around the top of the boot & tucked in rather than tied — U.S. Military style.

You'd think C5 would have a really messy interior, but actually, their bunks are made with military corners, & they all live out of a tidy footlocker. Because most of them have an active-duty mom (Ares seems like an a$$hole who feeds on toxic masculinity, so if he is gay, I feel like he'd take it to the grave), so Ares expects them all to be dutiful — at least under his roof.

The laurels they receive are mounted above their bunk.

Most have a staple jacket or vest. Every time they win laurels, they find a patch on their pillow from Ares to be stitched on to their staple clothing item.

Which means they're all pretty decent at the backstitch or whipstitch.

A lot of them wear camouflage.

A.C.U. jackets over bronze breastplates.

There are no little strings hanging off their clothes. (I’ve heard them called I.P.s?) They burn that sh¡t off with a Bic lighter. 

They grew up bouncing around all over the place. None of them really have a solid answer for, "Where are you from?"

Which means they're used to being the new kid & can make friends easily if they want to.

It also makes them very adaptable.

A lot of their belongings have those military moving stickers on them that never got peeled off.

Those belongings are actually pretty few. They're not materialistic; they travel light.

Obviously, I'd like to think of Ares as the god of army brats. 😅

They know their social security number on rote. And their mom's. And they probably still carry their I.D. card if they become year-rounders because their mom was K.I.A.

Set up a Missing Man Table in the dining pavilion for fallen half-bloods & a Missing Man Bunk in their cabin for their fallen siblings.

Work on 24-hour-time & the metric system.

Even the kids who don't have a military mom measure their lives in increments of 2–4 years.

Surprisingly punctual.

Know when to be quiet & respectful. If they got into trouble, their mom got into trouble too.

A lot of them take J.R.O.T.C. if they survive to high school & aren’t year-founders.

If you don’t know what that is, basically, the U.S. Army employs ex-Air Force, Coast Guard, Military, & Navy personnel to high schools across the country to teach classes that help kids develop into good leaders & overall citizens. They focus on current events, drills, government, history, & technology awareness & teach kids to do well with job interviews, studying, & test taking. I think they also do P.T. (physical training) once a week, so it gives a P.E. credit. (Source.)

It’s not for army recruitment, but if one does join the army, it helps.

Here’s a Tabbes video on it. She’s great.

Not innate weavers like C6, but they all know how to make a quick-deploy parachute cord bracelet & actively wear at least one.

Their E.D.C. (Everyday Carry) game is better than yours.

Boys probably wear their hair "high & tight" or in a crew cut.

Girls probably wear theirs in boxer braids.

They call camp rations M.R.E.s (Made Ready to Eat).

They jokingly call camp M.W.R. (Morale, Warfare, & Recreation).

They can all spot landmines instinctively — that's why none of then are worried about having them around their cabin.

C5 kids call each other by either a demeaning nickname or their surname.

R.B.F.s to end all R.B.F.s.

Some of them can instill anger or fear in someone just by looking at them. Just not as strong as their father or Phobos/Deimos, obviously.

One of them glares at you, & you feel an inkling of fear & think maybe you should reconsider.

Motor cycles & classic cars.

The older kids will teach the younger kids zippo tricks.

I like to think all of them have read Sun Tzu's The Art of War. C5 has a copy that's full of notes & diagrams in the margins.

I also think if they'd've been in the Battle of New York from the start, it would've gone differently; one of them would have questioned Percy's order for them to split up by cabin to cover certain places because, as verse seventeen of chapter six of The Art of War says, "For should the enemy strengthen his van, he will weaken his rear; should he strengthen his rear, he will weaken his van; should he strengthen his left, he will weaken his right; should he strengthen his right, he will weaken his left. If he sends reinforcements everywhere, he will everywhere be weak."

Of course, some C6 (Athena) kid would’ve countered with verse sixteen of chapter seven, which says, “Whether to concentrate or devide your troops, must be decided by circumstances.”

Honestly, I'm surprised none of the C6 kids said anything either; their mother's the goddess of battle strategy; you'd think The Art of War was their Bible.

Bloody knuckles.

Brass knuckles are for cowards.

Always armed to the teeth.

Some of them can turn every day objects into weapons, but it'll only last for a little while.

Knives that can be used against monsters & knives that can be used against mortals.

T5 has stab marks in it from where the older kids challenged the younger kids to I Have All Five Fingers.

🎶 i have all five fingers, and the knife goes chop, chop, chop 🎶

Carve their initials into their bunks & trunks.

My fancasts for Ares are Skeet Ulrich & Jon Bernthal. Jensen Ackles would kick a$$ too, though.

Visit my Ares cabin Pinterest board & my headcanon masterlist.

DISCLAIMER ━━━ I'm not a military brat, I wasn’t in J.R.O.T.C., & I.D.K. jacksh¡t. ━━━ These headcanons are what I consider to be canon in my fanfictions. They may be others’s headcanons I’ve subconsciously filed away in my noggin. If one’s yours and you want it removed or credited, please send me your post and let me know.