#giving everyone who reads this the Worst and most confusing impression of this story lol

[dahldahlbills]

nano day 6

total count: 2756; 2212!!! towards main wip, 544 towards fic

finished scene 4!!! Wasn’t expecting that esp bc I was extremely reluctant to write it. It started off strong, then got away from me for a bit, but I think I wrapped it up okay ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

I’m just happy I broke 2k today, it feels extremely rewarding B-)

was hoping to get more fic writing done today but alas… maybe tomorrow

[mc-critical]

hey, welcome back! hope your exams and stuff went well, and that you're doing fine now.

i wanted to hear your opinion on nigar hatun. i remember seeing one post of yours in which you said that she wasn't a favourite of yours like you favoured other characters and honestly, same. i didn't really much understand the fascination with her. she was an interesting character, but i can't imagine having her as a favourite when there are so many more characters who are far more interesting. i wish they gave her an alternate arc. idk what it could be, i'd like to hear your opinion on it. one alternative ending i came up for her is that she was extremely angry at ibrahim for toying with her and hatice for keeping her sweet little esmanur from her so she joins hurrem to defeat them? which hurrem did try but it didn't really go anywhere and nigar was against hurrem for killing ibrahim which just was kinda frustrating. they literally give hurrem no ally in the harem [except mihrimah later on but mihri is overall varying in terms of power] so it would be good for her to have some support in the harem from people who actually hated her enemies like her. she had actual political support from iskender celebi, rustem, and ayaz pasha and all, sure, but she didn't have much support in the harem, like all powerful women of the harem were against her. nigar obviously wasn't powerful like a sultan but she was an old member of the harem, was respected and even though she kinda lost her dignity with the scandal, she could've regained it with hurrem's help. sumbul was there later on but he was just a very faithful servant and didn't really have any real motive to harm any of hurrem's enemies except for out of his loyalty whilst nigar could've cultivated a hatred for hatice and ibrahim. this is a basic plot but i would've kinda liked seeing it. there can be many more ways her character could've ended but it would be good seeing a woman who didn't bow to her feelings all the time. the sultanas couldn't really control their feelings when it came to love because they were princesses who were used to getting what they wanted most of the time but nigar was a servant who also suffered the hardships of slavery and it obviously would've made her tougher as a person so she could control her feelings better; idk, i feel like this is an aspect of women they could've explored [or if they did explore it, i don't remember it lol my memory lapses a lot so i don't remember the show 100%] anyway, would like to hear your thoughts on nigar. thank you. welcome back again <3

Thank you! <33 Yup, I'm fine and the exams went well. Happy Pride month to you, too! 🏳️‍🌈

Hehe, I wrote that post years ago and while Nigar still isn't one of my absolute favourite characters, I've warmed up to her quite a bit. And honestly, now with the wider experience in the fandom, I can say that she isn't all that loved as it looks like. I then was under the limited wrong impression that the BG Mamma forum was a metric of all the popular opinions and yes, they loved Nigar a lot and I was sometimes confused as to why, but really, that and the Russian fanbase are the only places I have encountered that appreciate her all that much. There are characters I find more interesting than her, that's for sure, but she has her charm and I'm firmly against people reducing her to "evil" or "manipulative" or "weak after she fell in love with Ibrahim", so forth.

The thing she sets her first impression with is her intelligence caused by her relatively high experience in the harem. The advice she gave to Hürrem opened the path to her whole goal (as she herself acknowledged in E41) and that makes for quite an impact for a more recurring character. Despite of this, I never viewed early Nigar as someone taking an open side, hence I didn't find her supposed betrayal to Hürrem surprising in the slightest: she is also trying to survive in this environment in any way she knows how and she can't really find a fully comfortable position, because she is well aware that everyone is thinking for their own gain in the end. Including her. So the only choice she has left is to direct herself to where the wind is blowing and get advantages for herself once she gets the chance. Because all the experience has taught her to repress her feelings (E10 to Hürrem: "In this castle you can't show weakness."), opt to be the more level-headed person and seek for the more pragmatic solutions.

And yet she is very sensitive and perceptive to people that are different than the others or that are in need and is willing to lend them her hand. She adviced and helped Hürrem because she found potential in her, because she wanted to see her succeed, but not through endangering her own self or other people in the process (she told Hürrem that her game had gone too far again in E41), but through negotiation, compromise and adaption, to know when to start and when to stop and be respectful to those above her, no matter how hard or limiting that may look in Hürrem's eyes. Hürrem had the tendency in viewing every sign of support that came to her as granted, she still had that naive part of innocence in her in S01 and early on was in a desparate need of someone to lean on and unconditionally follow her path, that's why when Nigar diverted from that path, it hurt and took her a while to start trusting her again. But I didn't see Nigar as all that attached to Hürrem as Hürrem herself thought she was, especially with how Nigar became stuck between two sultanas later in S01 and that rendered her lost and more insecure than usual.

That's also why I don't view her as a two-faced or hypocritical double-crosser. Because for the longest time, Nigar was the one character in the series before Rüstem appeared that was clearly thinking about her own benefit and survival first and foremost from the beginning when darting between the powerful people in the harem and was the one well aware that she simply can't cling to a single side in her own position. Positions aren't permanent and can always change in such circumstances, so why can't she take advantage of this? Because who cares as much about the feelings for a Kalfa they can still order around after all? She has faced disregard from Mahidevran, Hürrem, Ibrahim and even Hatice. It is pretty understandable that she's going to seek the best opportunity for herself.

That whole facade breaks when she falls in love with Ibrahim. During rewatch, I found myself to have a soft spot for this character deconstruction, especially in S02. I know that it came to pass because of her falling in love with a man that doesn't share the same feelings and there were moments where it looked like she overdid it, even in S02, but for me, the whole thing nicely added a new layer of depth, while still feeling true to Nigar's character. Her future relationship with Ibrahim had been building up back in S01, when Ibrahim (both inadvertently and not I fully believe) played a part in helping her solve the first internal conflict she had (that is the struggle between the two sultanas). Maybe this didn't mean that much to Ibrahim, maybe he was simply trying to be helpful, but it meant a lot to Nigar - that was probably the first time someone seemed to take her feelings into account and actually listen when she couldn't help, but crack under the pressure. So it is only natural that she would search for this source of comfort once again, being ready to face every risk in the process. When she is appointed to Hatice and Ibrahim's castle, when she's practically left alone with Ibrahim, she decides to take that chance, to taste the forbidden fruit. He gave her something she never received and due to her not allowing herself to show weakness and having to cave to everyone else's demands before that, every ounce of affection Ibrahim shows her, it means the world to her. Thus she begins to idealize what she has with him, to the point of denial and delusion, and centers her loyalty completely on him. But that loyalty never seems to falter.  She began to resent and/or hate everyone who could possibly stand in Ibrahim's way, something she wouldn't have ever done before. She keeps her level-headed self and intelligence (I don't think that this plot line reduced it in any way, not even when she was at her worst.) and she's ready to take any opportunity for herself (case in point: her marriage with Rüstem.), but now her softer sides and her wish for affection are showing all the more.

The problem I have with Nigar's character, writing-wise, and now that I think about it, the main subject of why I didn't get the deal with her back then (along with considering her S01 self bland.. somehow?), is her S03B characterization. While her falling in love with Ibrahim plot-line became an important part of S02 Nigar's storyline, I don't think it overshadowed or dominated over her other characteristics, making for a neat balance of traits and an interesting, nuanced character. In an attempt to keep her for longest time possible in the story, S03B flanderized her in every possible way and overexaggerated her biggest strengths and flaws until they became stale and unbelievable. Her love for Ibrahim read as а near obsession narratively and her opportunism coupled with her will for revenge, which put her into many repetitive intrigues. At one point I even felt she was reduced to a plot-device (the moment Şah Sultan appointed her as a spy) and she felt a little too purposeless and to have totally outstayed her welcome until her last moment in the series.

The root of this problem is again, that they just didn't know when to stop with Nigar. To be brutally honest, she had no long-term role left to play after Ibrahim's death and it was time for the writers to let her go and maintain her generally strong characterization. The ending I would've chosen for her is to simply have Matrakcı give her Esmanur's location and for her to live with her daughter in piece. I know that because of the tonal shift, the show seemed to be already inclined that everyone had to have a tragic ending of sorts, to underline the growing ruthlessness and cruelty of the themes, but I fully believe that Nigar was one of the only characters that were terribly forced through their tragic endings. She didn't need, nor deserve a tragic ending and I doubt it would've been such a problem for the half-season if she didn't get one. I find a happier ending to be perfectly fine for Nigar and I would've loved to see it, if only for a freshness in ideas for character endings. I loved her Esmanur storyline and to witness her finding happiness with her, the only solace she had left, would have been a great wrap up of her S03 plots and an amazing send-off to Nigar's character.

I appreciate the thought you have put into your ending for her and to be fair, your proposal would be much better than anything S03B gave us. It would nearly correspond with the revenge plot of hers they were going for and it would be something more original at the same time. Hürrem's principal lack of allies doesn't bother me as a fact alone, because all her enemies have understandable reasons to be against her, but what bothers me however, is when the writers try using it to dumb her enemies down and make them doom themselves through their own failings or outright use it to put forced (often soapy) conflicts to make the audience sympathize with Hürrem. Or to make everyone "mistitle" her (is that a word? probably not.) or disrespect her on purpose again for sympathy points (that go beyond the part of her motivation that wants to feel respected and does stuff out of fear not to fall under a less favorable position once again.), without changing the status-quo until say, S04.

It is so deliberate it becomes annoying and seeing something else for a change... honestly, gimme! While I personally prefer a happy ending for Nigar, I would live for Nigar and Hürrem to work together again, while keeping what's become her central motivation intact. It may seem a little OOC for Nigar to work for Hürrem by that point, because she's channeled her loss of the most precious people into rage on those that have taken them away, but it would be a decent shifting of gears and a reverence to her opportunism to work to eradicate those she hates for good, even if it means doing so with one of your bigger enemies. After all, after the mission is fulfilled, she could still work against Hürrem in some way, right?

[Tell me if I got what you meant wrongly, but there is an example of a dynasty sultana putting her love feelings behind and by that I mean Şah Sultan. Her love is in the past by the point she arrived in the castle and her love for Ibrahim is only used as a conflict between her and Hatice, which they get over relatively quick. Sisterly love and ambition are a much bigger priority of Şah's: she cared about Hatice past any resentment she may have harbored over the years and agreed to share her life with Lütfi for the advantage this may bring, even though she didn't love him at all. She divorced him only when he offended the pride of a woman and her own personal pride. Other than that, we indeed didn't have a female character in MC that puts her feelings behind in design as far as I recall, only ones that end up clinging to them completely like Nigar here or ones that let go of them eventually like Mahidevran. Characters that have this design by default are more present in MCK like Safiye, or Turhan, or especially Gülbahar, but as I've said many times, MCK is more ruthless, while MC is more about the personal feelings of the characters, hence every motivation they have is somehow tied to them.]

[ae0nx]

FRUITS BASKET ‘19 EPISODE 24 VS FRUITS BASKET ‘01 24-26 (PART 2)

Link to Part 1 here

So just to start it off again... I just wanna reiterate...

When I think of the True Form Arc, I think three simple points are vital to be shown:

Kyo’s true form is to be revealed to the audience and to Tohru

Kyo’s past with Kazuma and his mother/(partly)father

Tohru still accepting Kyo and declaring her love need for them to be together and share each other’s pain and joy

Also, if you’re more invested in my review of the 2019 version, scroll further down as most of this is gonna be the 2001 rewritten bits recap. Sorry?

-------------------------------

- Again, I really appreciate that the 2001 version left us with that pre-transformation cliffhanger. It’s a really great separation and keeps us on the edge of our seats. Plus, gives the horror and effects of Kyo’s transformation much needed time. I love the 2019 version too but it could’ve been excellent with a WHOLE episode dedicated to Kyo’s true form transformation rather than just half of one... Plus, aren’t these events are supposed to take course during an entire night leading into morning? 

I can’t decide which iteration of the Kyo transformation I like the most. I just know that the manga version doesn’t live up to the animated versions...

They’re both pretty horrifying and scary and look incredibly painful. I’d probably give it to ‘19 cos Kyo had tears in his eyes as he was transforming which hurt my heart and also just cos you know it’s in high def andddd the transformation isn’t a cloud, it’s fire embers. This is great gore-y content and I’m a little desensitised cos I had to watch/read this scene three times in one sitting so... 

I loveeee Tohru’s resilience. Kazuma’s here saying soliloquies and philosophical questions and Tohru just takes off after Kyo! And the manga and ‘19 version definitely wanted to highlight this message to the upmost: Tohru’s love is so STRONG. And BADASS. But, a part of me also loves the time ‘01!Tohru takes to evaluate the situation cos in all fairness... it is a very shocking reveal (if Tohru wasn’t already shocked enough from them turning into animals)

I like how in ‘01 anime we don’t get the inner monologue of Tohru evaluating what she saw. It leaves the whole notion of Tohru chasing after Kyo a little more mysterious as to whether she will or not. And the silence says it all anyway. Only the sound of the falling rain... I like it better. I tend to lean towards scenes with more action and less dialogue as someone who apparently learns better through visuals rather than dialogue. 

Akito appearing like a fuckin ghoul out of nowhere is still ridiculous haha but I have to give kudos to the ‘01 English VA Chad Cline. He definitely elevates the scene when he says this one sentence:

- I also like that this event (and also Akito) feeds into Tohru’s insecurity of not truly being a part of specifically Kyo and Yuki’s world. Not truly understanding them. She’s been living with them for almost a year by now(?) and I’m sure she felt because she knew the worst secret of them already there couldn’t have been anything even worse. And in a way, she feels cheated? ALSO KYO JUST TURNED INTO A FREAKIN ALIEN CAT MONSTER. I know Tohru’s very much aware that she still has much to learn about them but she couldn’t have predicted this. And it kinda puts her on the level of being an outsider once again. I like that it concentrates on Tohru’s own feelings towards her place rather than just her feelings towards Kyo. 

...I’m gonna get into some heavy 2001!Shigure defending, so I’m sorry if you don��t favour this iteration - stick with me for a sec lol

I’m ignoring all the ‘it’s not accurate, it’s not real’ chants in my head because... LOOK HOW DEJECTED HE LOOKS.

...

2001 gave me everything I wanted from Shigure as a character. Yes, he’s very interesting and conniving and fun as he was originally depicted. But... this Shigure has emotions and is fully showing them! That’s all I FUCKIN WANT. I just want him to show that even though he’s making these dangerous moves and manipulating people for his own benefit, that he has a conscious that is eating away at him and eventually will break. It may be too early in the story for an event like this to take place but I do appreciate that it’s shown. I get very frustrated with the fact that Shigure stays somewhat the same throughout the course of the manga but I guess the only person who does stay the same in the story is the narrator...

- I don’t know if the director of the 2001 version knew that they only had one season to translate Fruits Basket somewhere in the making of these three episodes, or even before. But, it definitely shows with the choices they make with the inclusion of Shigure, Uo, Hana, Kagura and Yuki in the search for Kyo. It’s almost as if they read future arcs and felt to just mash an iteration (or bastardisation) of it to try and conclude the whole story... which was quite a desperate move.

I also like the way this scene closes.

👌🏾

I actually really like this moment from Kagura! She’s actually being mature! And rational... and sort of letting go of Kyo at the same time. I do think if Fruits Basket ‘01 was given another season, it would’ve been fleshed out (obviously) but it’s such a great moment. Again, these are all signs that the end was nigh and they felt they had to tie up all the character arcs that were involved very quickly and I don’t necessarily blame them for trying. It just made them look a bit silly when looking from a 2019 view.

- But yeah, Yuki being involved is a no-no. He felt the most out of place when it comes to ‘characters that should’ve not been involved’. He makes a point when he finds Kyo about how they should both stop running away but it’s not fully fleshed out enough before this event for me or anyone else to care about. It’s kind of unfortunate cos I quite like the concept of Yuki being there especially tying in to how Yuki comes to a realisation of himself and Tohru’s relationship. 

- Also, are Yuki and Kagura tight like that? Lol for him to go rushing after Kyo basically cos she asked? mmmm.... 😓

This is actually my favourite moment from the 2001 version of the True Form Arc! It’s visually stunning and haunting and just... interesting. I like that they included the cats. Cats that would normally gravitate to Kyo but are now taking the voices of haunted figures of his past. Whether it’s in his head or not. 

In general, I felt Kyo’s mental anguish in the ‘01 version was a lot more artistically styled and creative. Very creepy and even more sad.

I do like that Tohru went to her mother’s grave for comfort/guidance before finding Kyo. I probably would’ve included a scene like that myself in the 2019 version as it adds a preliminary to Tohru’s future conflict between her love for her mother and her love for Kyo. AND it also adds time between the night Kyo transforms and the eventual sunrise when she finds Kyo. How far is Kyoko’s grave from the Sohma house? Lol

But yep, Uo and Hana being there was irrelevant but it’s pretty funny that Hana’s waves were used as a last minute explanation as to why they felt they had to attend Kyoko’s grave. But, I guesss the writers wanted to use this as a moment of Uo and Hana letting go of their ‘daughter’ to let her become a woman (reminds me of Yuki’s comment of how he saw Tohru as a woman when she ran after Kyo) and go after her man. It’s a conclusion... but it’s meshed with so many other themes and conclusions that it ALL DOESN’T MATTER. Plus, I don’t really like this as a thing; Uo and Hana will always be Tohru’s surrogate parents. ALWAYS.

Anyway, look at this beautifully depressing visual that ‘01 gave us for THREE EPISODES *sips wine*:

But seriously, while the visuals are so drastically dark compared to rest of the ‘01 season and are dragged out for sooooo longg, it is a very beautifully, depressing design. I love the way that all background music is edited out. Everyone is crying. Everyone is confused. The sound of rain is a constant throughout it. Honestly? It almost broke me cos the heaviness of it is exhausting, haha. And I have to commend it on pure shock value cos ‘01 Fruits Basket was barely dark until this arc. I think that’s what essentially made me adore it when I first discovered the ‘01 anime. I hadn’t read the manga so I didn’t know any better, but the darkness and pain in this arc is so beautifully shown and I feel like people forget that when critiquing the ‘01 version.

They jam packed a whole lot of character arcs in here when really the story should be focused on Kyo and Tohru’s reaction to Kyo. And I honestly, don’t blame them. It’s just too much at once that you don’t get to appreciate any arc at all because it’s not pushed to it’s full potential. It’s mostly just a feeling of sadness... that you later equate into genius...  because it’s sad? Which, I guess, could be seen as manipulatively clever? But now that we have the 2019 version, I think people will be more likely to decipher the bad from the good. Like, I have :)

- BACK TO 2019 VERSION: Wow, Kyo, really took out a whole cliff, huh?

I honestly got impression from the manga that Kyo did push and injure Tohru enough for her to get a huge amount away from him but not so far that she fuckin DIVES INTO A LAKE. My God, this was a bit dramatic lol

Ouch... that wound looks worse in the anime than the manga...

QUEEN TOHRU. I love everything about this.

You guys know I LOVE a good parallel and look at this couple meeting each other’s needs and taking their first steps. I can’t. I’m going to be crying into my wine soon. Nothing needs to be said about this scene, except excellence in ALL AREAS.

🎵TEARS STREAM.

 🎵DOWN YOUUURRR FAAACEEEE

🎵AND IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII....

I can’t get over Kyo’s face in this moment. I just- MY HEARRRTTTT. GOD TAKE ME. PLEASE. Couples that cry together, stay together. Omggg.

Even if we can’t agree on much when it comes to 2001 vs 2019, we can both agree that Tohru stays being an ethereal goddess. OUTFIT APPRECIATION. LIFE APPRECIATION. I’m so tired. haha.

So in conclusion, I think 2001 succeeded at showing all the three main points of the True Form Arc. I just think it got the message of this being a Kyo/Tohru centric tail a bit misconstrued because they wanted to make this a general zodiac tale of them finding freedom and release through Tohru. And it definitely takes away from the Kyoru centric storyline that runs through the True Form Arc. And while I think the True Form Arc could’ve used another episode in the 2019 version, it’s quite clear that 2019 wins this battle in all areas of it being a more whole and complete yet emotional and stunning version of the True Form Arc.

I would go into what happens at the end of episode 26 in the ‘01 version but it honestly kinda angers and frustrates me? And I’m mentally exhausted soooo, I might go into it some time next week before the next 2019 episode drop. Also, I’ll tie up some thoughts of the ‘01 version of Kyo and Kagura’s date. This was fun! Only took half a day to organise my thoughts, ahaaaa.

[twilightofthe]

SPOILERS FOR THE ENTIRE EPISODE 9 BENEATH THE CUT.  YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED.

S O . . .

Honestly I’m kinda really glad I spoiled myself for this movie because I got really really upset by the reviews and went in with my expectations basically on the floor, so I was actually able to be pleased and happy with a couple things in the movie, so I will start off with the few things I did like.

I loved the Rey/Finn/Poe dynamic.  The actors’ chemistry works sooooo well together and I loved their adventure through the first two acts.  You can see how much these guys all genuinely like each other-- even tho the script seems to try VERY HARD to stick Poe and Finn with the worst case of “NO HOMO NO HOMO”-ing I’ve seen in Star Wars since Anakin and Obi Wan in The Clone Wars lol.  Seriously, the script is trying so so hard to pick fights between Poe and Finn, but blessed amazing Oscar Isaac and John Boyega manage to play it so the entire conflict reads more like Poe is jealous of Finn’s feelings over Rey, they act it VERY MUCH like quarreling lovers and it is completely 100% the work of John and Oscar and I love these two so much, I owe them my life.

I adore Rey and Finn’s chemistry too, they spend the entire film with Finn desperately worrying over Rey and Rey confiding her worries and fears to Finn and constantly giving each other looks and ugh, I love them so much.

Force Sensitive!Finn!!!  Just for a second but it happened!  They should have been more blatant but I like that he canonically is!!!

Just in general, I’ve always been a Jedistormpilot shipper, and I feel the ending really leaves that as an open option I will happily take.

The bits with the Resistance and Leia did the best they could with Carrie’s footage.  It was choppy and kinda obvious that footage was all they had to work with, but they tried their hardest and given what little they had to work with, I will unhappily accept it and the fact that Leia had little to no role in the story.  I’m still really upset about it and her character’s death was so damn anticlimactic, but it was what happened.

Billy Dee Williams was charming and awesome as Lando, I loved seeing him, and he did a wonderful job, even if he was just a nostalgia cameo.

3PO was entertaining as ever!  I liked him!  They definitely sidelined R2 way too much, but I was glad to see 3PO and I was glad that he didn’t permanently lose his memory!  The only thing I was kinda ehhh about was the bit with the dagger and the Sith language because the way he was suddenly able to translate it after not being able to translate it?????  Did not make sense at all???????????

Abrams fucking got me with the nostalgia for a second during the Luke Force Ghost scene.  I’m sorry, but I was so happy to see that Leia had done a bit of Jedi training then chose to give it up, I loved the callback to Yoda lifting the X-Wing but then Luke’s ghost did it-- COMPLETE WITH THE OG MUSIC!!!!!  Mark knocked it out of the park and I just love seeing him.

Same for Ian and Sidious!  While I personally did not like the Sidious plot at all and I will expand more on that later, I loved seeing Mr. McDiarmid again and he always just fills me with a bit of glee being his dramatic Palpy self because he’s just as good and as hatable as he’s always been and I thank him for it.

I think that was about it for what I liked, and honestly that was all the work of the talented actors and me being happy to see them pulling off their characters to the best of their abilities.  The plot itself???  Ehhhhhhhhhh.....

Look, as I mentioned before, I liked the Jedistormpilot mission.  That was fun.  

The entire Resistance plot?  Way way way too staggered and jumped around too much, not going into detail, felt a lot like it was trying to cram in everything with little payoff and not much emphasis placed on the importance of its plan so the audience really doesn’t get time to register everything that’s happening with them, let alone care about them

Naomi Ackie did a charming job with Jannah, I would have liked it if her entire plot didn’t kinda invalidate Finn’s overall story arc.  I get they were trying to say “oh look!  Finn’s not alone!  There are other ex-stormtrooper rebels!  Just like Finn!!!”  Instead what it looks like is saying basically that Finn isn’t special, Finn’s defection wasn’t important overall, literally everyone does it, and it means nothing.

(Also going off of this, it really felt like JJ caved to the TLJ hate and totally sidelined Rose, she did like jacksquat in this and I’m mad)

The thing is, I don’t think the Resistance plot and the search for Palpy mission would have been as scattered and rushed and disorganized IF: Rey Palpatine wasn’t a thing, Reylo wasn’t a thing, and Force Ghosts were utilized more.

Look, I was fine with Palpy coming back (on a condition).  Someone had to be the big bad and Disney is too worried about toy sales for it to ever be Kylo, so I knew Sidious could work-- provided they brought back the Skywalkers whose stories were intertwined with his and involved them in his ultimate downfall somehow.

I was fine with Rey Nobody. I was a little mad all the Skywalker legacy was going to her without her earning it really, but I figured that if the final film connected her with the Skywalkers properly, it would be fine, she had time to earn it.

Instead, we got little to no Skywalkers-- one Luke scene that meant nothing to the plot, scraped together Leia footage they could only take so far, and a fucking muddled voiceover from the man who Sidious screwed over the most, the one who originally killed him, the one who should have been THERE.  Look, I should have known they would never actually bring Anakin back, but dammit, he SHOULD HAVE BEEN THERE.  HE SHOULD HAVE.  This was his story originally, like it or not, and the entire goddamn Sequel Trilogy never so much as said his name, even when they brought back the creep that destroyed his life and he was supposed to give his own to defeat.

Literally no one asked for the Rey Palpatine plot.  It made no sense, you feel nothing for her “heroic” parents because you know literally nothing about either of them, the convoluted logic on why/why not Sidious wants her alive makes no sense.  His goal makes no sense, it’s confusing, so he wants Kylo to kill her but he also doesn’t, he wants Rey there so she can kill him and he can transfer his life force into her and then he’ll bring the Sith back somehow with all that hooded crowd on the bottom of Exetor???  Where did they even come from??  What happened to the canon saying all the dead Sith were on Korriban?  How is Palpy even gonna use Rey to bring back the other Sith????  When can his ghost/zombie corpse/whatever the fuck he is just fucking pull life energy out of people’s chests?  

What they should have focused on instead of the timeline devoted to Rey Palpatine was keep Sidious as the threat, keep all his other “raising the dead Sith” stuff-- just move his hidey hole to Korriban dammit --and have all the Rey’s parents plot shift to scenes with her interacting with Luke and Anakin’s Force Ghosts trying to figure out how to take down Palps together once and for all.  Let her get adopted into the Skywalker family by the only two who actually carried the name, not just have her randomly take it at the end after interacting with Luke freaking once.  She has seemingly close relationships with Leia and Ben, dammit, in that case she should have been Rey Solo or Rey Organa.

Also have Luke’s Force Ghost replace the nonsense with whatever guy Luke was apparently working with to track down Sidious on Exetor-- we never saw all of that and having aaaaaall of that background wordvomited onto us by 3PO at once makes it jarring and confusing and forgettable.  Literally just have Luke show up and tell them!!!!  

Han’s appearance to Kylo on whatsitsname Endor water moon???  Also should have been Anakin if they really wanted to show Kylo/Ben’s beginning to turn (really it should have been Leia but again I get why they couldn’t) back to the Light via a convo with the dead.  Like omgggg let him finally talk to the grandfather he was trying to impress!!  The opening was right there????  But nope, Han is there, and I guess whatever he says is suddenly enough to turn him good again???

(THIS ALSO MEANS MY FUCKING FANFIC WAS RIGHT.  HAN SOLO IS A FORCE GHOST.  WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK.  THAT WAS LITERALLY THE ONE THING I PROCLAIMED WOULD NOT BE CANON.  I’M THE NEW ORACLE OF DELPHI BITCHES.  WHAT THE FUCK.)

Aaaaand this brings me to the romance.  The fucking romance.  Look, I’m sorry if you guys all do, I really am, and I respect if you want to unfollow, but I never have been able to stomach Reylo.  Ever.  I never saw the romance.  I saw pain and abuse and one-sided obsession.  Check that, I will admit that I always saw some sort of want from Kylo.  Adam played him very much being obsessed with having Rey with him for some reason throughout all the films, but it also always played as toxic, and him not knowing what to do with that want, and just lashing out and abusing and forcing himself on her at every turn.  It never played as a healthy relationship and it never played like Kylo should be rewarded for it.  And this entire film????  I see still no romance????  Like the first half is just Rey being damn furious at Kylo, hating him, literally wanting nothing to do with him.  I think another part of it is that I have never in the films seen Rey as having romantic or emotional feelings for Kylo, not ever.  Not consistantly.  It’s always just been an entire film’s worth of her despising him-- no not in an enemies to lovers UST despising, like actual hate and frustration --and then one singular bizarre scene that sticks out like a wart on a face where she suddenly does a 180 and is soft with him, like in the elevator scene in TLJ or the ending scene of TROS.  I wouldn’t even say Rey feels soft for Kylo the first damn time she stabs and kills him before healing him.  That to me seems a lot more like guilt to Leia her mentor over stabbing her son, and healing him for Leia’s sake than Rey actually wanting him alive.  Maybe that’s just because from what I’ve seen, Daisy isn’t the biggest Reylo fan and just didn’t play it with her heart.

I’m glad Ben was redeemed, after what Sidious put that family through, I would have been upset with the last Skywalker descendant dying in Dark disgrace.  But I’ve never been able to like his character really because they never fully let him be evil or an intriguing villain character, but they never showed him as good.  I’m sorry, but the comics don’t do it for me either because it seems they’re just trying to slightly alter Anakin’s issues and problems and stick them onto him and go “see they’re the same!” and it just rings fake and irritating for me, and his sudden turnaround does not have the same weight behind it because I don’t even know what he really turned back to the Light for.  Was it for Rey?  That obsession didn’t look like love.  Was it for Leia?  We never got to see him speak two words to her.  Was it for Han?  Possibly?!?!  That scene was not clear?!??!?!!?!  It sure as hell wasn’t for Anakin or Luke because they weren’t allowed to interact with him at all.  His return to the Light made no real sense because there wasn’t a clear motive besides “plot says so” and I Could Not See the logic in Rey suddenly wanting to make out with him, whether he saved her or not.  Really the one good thing about it was that their lack of chemistry throughout the film means that if I ignore the fact that that kiss happened, it’s pretty easy to pretend they never got together ;D  Plus, that Jedistormpilot hug at the very end tho, like I said, possibilities........

AND ANOTHER THING (god I really am a crotchety old lady), THE ABILITIES OF BEN AND REY TO BRING EACH OTHER BACK FROM DEATH.  Rey effortlessly healed a straight saber wound through the gut that has fucking killed multiple trained Force users dead and even more non Force users, healed it in seconds.  Now I probably seem like the biggest hypocrite here as I’m planning on having Anakin survive that same exact type of wound in a fic I’m writing (spoilers for those reading it lol but not really, did y’all actually think I was gonna kill him like that xD  And that in no means says he’s gonna recover completely...), but the difference is that I’m not having him survive through someone else effortlessly curing the wound.  If Ben survived that gut wound by healing himself, using his raw energy that all Skywalkers are supposed to have, I would be able to believe that.  Self preservation will to live saved Vader on Mustafar, saved Luke, saved fucking Sidious.  

But the matter is, if Rey was so powerful that she could just heal Ben from dying like that, why the fuck in the prequels is Anakin so panicked over his loved ones dying ever?  He’s supposed to be the most powerful Force user in existence, more powerful than Rey, shouldn’t he have been able to do that for say, Shmi??  One might argue, “but Rey’s had training!”  Who trained her?  Leia, who learned from Luke, who learned from Obi Wan and Yoda, neither of whom knew how to fucking do that and pass it down, don’t tell me they did.  The other option is that Rey did it untrained on natural talented instinct, which again, in that case, why couldn’t Anakin figure that out?  Why didn’t any Jedi?  Rey worked off of emotion healing Ben, Anakin should have been able to figure that out too.  I will accept Ben’s energy transfer to Rey saving her after she died later as that literally killed him, that makes sense, trading energy at an equal point-- and further canonizes my theory that Sidious was able to steal and drain Padmé’s life energy through her bond with Anakin to save him after he burned, which was the actual reason Pads died in Ep 3.  But Rey effortlessly bringing Ben back like that????  I just can’t, that just doesn’t work for canon for me.  I’m sorry, but no.

My final issue is the sheer amount of ignoring this trilogy did of the prequels.  I’ve already ranted about Anakin not showing up when he should and I will not repeat myself, this rant got long and I’m getting tired, but he should have been there, dammit.  He really should have.  Luke should have had more screentime.  That bit at the end where Rey hears all of the other Jedi’s voices speaking to her???  I’m sorry, but that really does break canon!  It was supposed to be only Qui Gon’s line, or those he taught and could pass it down, who could become Force Ghosts, and as delighted as I was to hear Kanan again and Windu and Luminara and everyone else, their voices should not have been there as they are not Force Ghosts! (and this is only partially me whinging over the fact that in my Force Ghost fic I have already stupidly proclaimed that only Qui Gon’s line has become ghosts and now I somehow have to fix that o_o)

(ALSO also the appearance of Ahsoka Tano amongst the voices means that she is dead which means they had the actual audacity to fucking kill her off OFFSCREEN with no explanation which grrrrrr)

One last whine about the romance, everything with Zorri Bliss and Poe seemed really forced and just another way for the script to blare out “HE’S NOT IN LOVE WITH FINN HE’S NOT HE’S STRAIGHT SUPER STRAIGHT LOOK LOOK LOOK”, tho Zorri’s character herself was fun without the forced romance.

Look, overall, I really liked the characters of the sequels, but I felt the plot was really poorly executed, and I really felt that this was not the “Skywalker Saga”.  The Skywalkers felt cast aside and put in the background and ignored and totally invalidated.  They were my favorites and I feel the narrative let them down and it makes my heart unhappy.  It really feels like abusers like Palpatine and Kylo got to win at the expense of their victims, and that really makes my heart unhappy.  That’s just my personal feelings.  Nothing wrong if you did like it, but it’s just me.  I miss my Skywalkers and their happy ending and I probably always will.  I probs won’t ever really be satisfied with what happened to them, tho I will work my hardest on it.  I guess that’s it.

[jjkfire]

update 4/27/21:

I'm working at a startup so it's extremely busy. but I love my job! i am trying to find the time to fit writing in my schedule tho. gonna figure it out someday lol. my stories are not abandoned, don't worry. all the endings and plot points have been planned. i'm just struggling to find the time to write atm. still very grateful for all the kind words and support you guys have given me over the years. hope all of you are out there living your best lives, exploring, learning, and finding joy in all the little things 😊 join my tag list (read the instructions pls) to get notified when I update my fics!

//

previous big update:

hello! i know i’ve been sort of mia but… it’s been an absolutely chaotic time for me. 

the (long) story goes a little something like this:

earlier this year during spring break, i had friends who convinced me to give america a shot and apply for jobs after grad. i really didn’t want to because the visa process is a pain and it costs a lot. also, not a lot of companies want to hire internationals so it’s very demoralizing to receive a million rejections… but my friends are very persuasive people lol. 

so it was super hectic during the last few months I had in the country as i tried to get through the visa process, study, work, beef up my resume, apply for jobs and graduate at the same time. (i understand that a ton of people have to do this too… but it’s hard y’all). anyway, one Medium article, one cold email, and a number of grueling interviews later, i found out i got a job!

now i just had to convince my parents… this was actually in all honesty, the most stressful part. i love them to death but my father really made it feel like i was choosing between my family and a job and ngl i cried myself to sleep on the regular. in the end, he finally gave me the okay to take the job but i know he’s still very upset. that’s honest to god the worst part. (my mum’s been super supportive tho so i guess that’s the silver lining in all of this!)

prior to getting the job though, I was really in limbo. I had returned to my home country because I and by extension, my parents, were not confident that i was going to be able to land a job in the US. I was very confused because I was neither here nor there. I was interviewing with the american company from my home country, trying my best to make sure they’d still be interested in me as a candidate no matter how many hurdles there were. then, to ensure that I had a safety net, I was also doing interviews locally and sending out resumes whenever I could. I was exhausted. and I know everyone goes through the job hunt so it’s equally as exhausting for everyone but yeah it was not a fun time.

anyway so now that I took that job in america i gotta move halfway across the world again, but this time without financial support and i don’t know… maybe this is the first time i’ll be truly independent and ya im seconds away from shittin myself. really gotta put on my big girl pants and try to not be broke yeet yeet.

but uhh that’s the low down on why i haven’t been able to write much at all…….. and yeah! working on it tho… haha always working on it.

to end all of this, I just want to say that I’m super lucky to have all of you. I basically got the job because of that article I wrote. I know I sound like a broken record talking about my article over and over but I dunno I guess all of this is just a little wild to me ahah.

I owe a lot of my confidence in my writing to all of you. I personally think my writing improved bc of this blog and the support you guys give me is… unreal (“: I know it may seem insignificant to some of you to reblog/like and comment on a fic but it really spurs me creatively and makes me feel sort of confident about my writing. all of that is probably why I didn’t think twice about hitting that post button on my article. although it’s a very different type of writing… I don’t know it’s just knowing that my writing is worth something… knowing that my writing is worth taking 5 minutes out of your day to read, is pretty cool and you guys kind of gave me that! (i am in no way saying that my writing is the best thing on earth. far from it. but i think you guys understand what i’m trying to say!)

so in some way, you guys helped me get a job! nice work team hahahah. also, also i just want to say, never give up. I decided I wanted to try my luck at the American job market maybe around the end of March and graduation was in early May. so I had about more or less a month to do something. I knew I needed a way to set myself apart from everyone else because my gpa wasn’t stellar and I hadn’t had any internships in America. not to mention the fact that I was an international student hence it was even harder to get hired. so basically, why would a company pick me over the next person? I thought perhaps knowing how to code was the way to give myself an edge so I learned some basic python and sql but then I realized there wasn’t really an impressive project I could attempt within that short time frame and I also knew far too little to do anything anyway. this meant that I was back at square one.

so, I switched gears instead. I sat down and really thought about what I could do. I concluded that at the very least, I could write. I knew I could write so I needed something that I could use along with my writing and I was like… it’s gotta be data! knowing that, I picked up the basics on how to use Tableau and I also picked up VBA macros in excel (if you don’t know what this is… I think you should Google it. it will literally blow your mind. excel can do a lot more than you can imagine). Then, I picked what I wanted to write my article on, got the data I needed from google trends, used vba macros to make the calculations faster, used tableau to make charts based on the data and photoshop to spice up the charts and etc. I did my research in the meantime as well and had a rough plan on what I was going to write about. after this, it was all systems go and it went a little like this:

wrote the article. attached my charts. linked the links. hit that post button. applied to all the jobs & companies that I thought would see value in what I did and can do. got rejected many times. felt discouraged. did more searching on companies that were willing to hire internationals. decided to send a cold email to a company. ACTUALLY HEARD BACK. went through multiple interviews. ACTUALLY GOT THE JOB.

so guys, never give up. recognize your strengths and build around that. if you think you don’t have any strengths, look harder. if you still feel you don’t have any, make the effort to learn something. it’s never too late for anything. I did all of that in one month and 10 days (the learning stuff and writing the article thing I mean). always be open to learning. I say this so much irl that my friends are sick of it but in this day and age with the internet, you can literally learn anything. so please, learn. learn for fun, learn for whatever reason. learn anything. you’ll never know when it’ll come in handy. like my basic Photoshop that I learned just so I could make a header for my blog… literally used that skill for the graphics in my article lol.

anyway, you can achieve a lot more than you think you can. you just gotta throw caution to the wind and do your own thing. be determined, be proactive. if things aren’t going the way you think it should be, do something to change that. you are all amazing and capable of great things! I hope you all know that. my mum always said if you never try, you’ll never know. don’t be afraid, don’t stop to think about what other people will think of you. keep doing you. people doubt you enough so don’t add to that. keep your head held high and keep moving forward.

once again I want to thank you guys for being sort of a support system for me! every comment, nice ask and sweet message has brought me this far. i really mean it (’: always be nice and supportive my sweet dumplings. your words truly have impact!

[purplesurveys]

740

‘Does your best friend bother you more than anyone else? This is so weird. Someone wouldn’t be my best friend if all they did was annoy me. If one of my best friends did start to bother me with anything they’re doing, we’re close enough for me to comfortably call them out on it. Who is your best friend? Angela and Gab. Do you like someone right now? A lot more than that at this point. Do you even think you stand a chance with this person? I’ve been with them a handful of years now, so yes. Do you consider yourself truly happy? Not truly. I can generally keep myself happy but I’ll sometimes have days where I’m anxious, angry, hurt, confused, lost, or all of the above. It’s a work in progress.

How often do you cry? I want to say at least once a week; that's pretty accurate. Are you emotional? Yes. What is the worst thing you would do for 10 million dollars? I find these questions so stressful to think about lol. Just give me scenarios to do for $10 million and I’ll tell you if I’m willing to do it. Have you ever had/do you have an eating disorder? [trigger warning] No. But when my depression was at its roughest a part of me wanted to try adding self-starvation to the other methods I was already using to harm myself at the time. Didn’t really work out. Have you ever cut/burned yourself intentionally? Cut, yes. Burned, technically yes, but I didn’t know it would hurt me. When I was 7 I thought I had some sort of invincibility so I placed a finger on a clothes iron that was plugged in at the time. So I kinda did it on purpose, but not because I wanted to burn myself lol? If that makes sense? What do you think of people that do? Hope that they have people around them who care for them and can help them pull themselves out of that hole. What's your opinion on drugs? Have you ever done any? Scary, especially the hard drugs. I’ve seen Breaking Bad, Trainspotting, and Requiem for a Dream to know not to try them lol. I’ve only had milder ones like caffeine, nicotine, and painkillers. Have you ever noticed the hidden adut jokes inside of kid shows/movies? When I encounter the episodes these days, yeah I would notice them. When I was a kid they used to be just sentences that didn’t make sense to me. Do you want to be famous? Why? I’m not opposed to it. I wanna be able to travel places, get freebies, and afford a lot of nice clothes, but I’m also not willing to do absolutely anything or lose who I am just to get famous.

Do you sin often? I don’t really think of that anymore. What are your views on God? Nope. What do you think happens after you die? I go to sleep permanently, which for me is the most peaceful way to think of death. Sometimes if I’m feeling a little alone or helpless, it’s just as comforting to also think of the possibility of reuniting with my lost loved ones when I die, like my lolo or the great-grandparents I never met. Are you afraid to die? I’m afraid of dying painfully, if anything. Like I don’t want to be stuck in a burning room or have a ceiling collapse on me, you know? If you had the chance, would you want to know the date of your death? Yes. Have you ever felt that you weren't good enough? Of course. Do you have any siblings? If so, are you jealous of them? Yes. I’m not jealous/envious of Nina, but I do sometimes wish I had a talent that was as tangible and recognizable as hers – she’s an artist and an editor, and very good ones. Do you have a good relationship with your parents? Why or why not? I mean we don’t hate each other, but I wouldn’t go running to their arms if I had a problem. We have a more buddy-type relationship.

Are you always wanting more? Yep, I’m quite materialistic. Do you make good first impressions? You’d have to ask the people I’ve ever met. I hope I do, though. Do you feel bad for obese people, or do you just laugh? I am so unimpressed with this question.  What would you do if you were obese? Idk, it would depend on the mindset I have once I’m at that point. Are you ashamed of your past? Not ashamed. I just wish it had a lot more happier days. Do you miss your past? No. Do you have a song lyric that describes where you are in life right now? Ain’t it fuuuuun living in the real wooooorld ain’t it goooood being all alooooone Who are you closest to in your family? In my immediate family, it’s probably my sister. But generally speaking, it’s my eldest first cousin on my mom’s side. Do you ever open up to people? Yes, but I’m also private. Like I wouldn’t just share my life story with anyone - you have to ask about it and know which questions to ask. Do you consider yourself guarded? Why or why not? Sure. I’ve had shitty people come in and go out of my life throughout the years. Are you an honest person? I guess. Do you like animals? Love them, except cockroaches and flying cockroaches.

Do you think doctors prescribe medicine too often? I...don’t really have an opinion lol and I don’t know if I should. I don’t know the first thing about medical ethics. Are you a control freak? In a group setting, mostly yep. Do you enjoy getting drunk, or do you feel like you're losing all control? I like getting drunk but only until a certain point, i.e. when I feel giddy enough to socialize with strangers or start dancing. I’ve had a couple of bad experiences from drinking too much and it’s always so embarrassing the day after. What do you think happens when you go into a coma? I’ve read accounts on Reddit from people who used to be in one and the stories vary. Some stayed passed out through the whole thing, others dreamt in a lot of vibrant colors, others had dreams that they considered metaphors for dying, others were a little aware of what was happening or being said around them. Do you think the internet is dangerous? I know it is, lmao.

Name all the social networking sites you use: Twitter, Tumblr, Facebook, YouTube, Linkedin. I re-installed Snapchat recently but I don’t use it for social media. Do you think anyone truly knows who you really are? My best friends do, in different ways. Have you ever given anyone the chance to really get to know you? Yes. Do you block people out of your life when they start to get too close? No. It’s very rare that that gets to happen so when it does, I keep them around. Who do you think has the most pressure to be good-looking; guys or girls? I think both experience a lot of pressure in very different ways. It’s not a contest. Do you care what impression you make on people? Kinda, especially if they make the wrong one lmao. Do you think TV is too much of an influence on today’s youth? If anything today’s TV has a lot of responsible representation from sexual consent and coming out and mental health to POCs, which gives off a suuuuper positive influence to kids and young teens these days who now feel like they can see themselves in the characters they meet and scenarios they see. Racism, sexism, homophobia, and all the other -isms and -phobias never get to fly by in this age anymore and that’s a great thing too. Just look at Brooklyn Nine-Nine, Sex Education, Itaewon Class, and I wanna say The Good Place? but I’ve never seen it. What do you think people would do if all the computers crashed? I honestly think that would be the last straw that would break the camel’s back for people to start chaotically freaking out lol. There’s too much happening as it is. Honestly, do you say racist things? Filipinos in general are resentful towards mainland Chinese but that’s because they have bullied us for so long, they’ve literally shit on our historical parks, they keep buying our lands, they claim our seas, and they belittle and mistreat Filipinos, especially the ones who work as OFWs in China. We wouldn’t be as racist if most of them didn’t act like such assholes to begin with. Personally, I don’t verbally say racist stuff but I will judge mainland Chinese in my head if I come across them or hear another incident of them misbehaving. Do your parents put way too much pressure on you? No, which I’m quite grateful for. They just let me do my thing, they ask me what jobs I want without hinting what they want for me, they let me fantasize about my dream purchases once I have a salary without guilt-tripping me over letting them have a share of my money, that kind of stuff. Has anyone you loved ever died? Two big people in my life. Do you think people overreact when their pets die? Not at all. Pets are family, and everyone’s reactions are valid. I remember when Lorde’s dog died and people were either 1) making fun of her and called her overreacting when she said she was gonna be unable to release new music for the meantime, or 2) stoked that her new music is probably gonna be sad and emotional because of her dog’s death, and I thought both were terrible. Do you know who you are, or what you want to become? I’m getting there, don’t pressure me lmfao. Do you have your future mapped out? Or are you just taking it day by day? Day by day. I have a good big picture planned out, but I also like living in the now. What are you going to do now? I dunno if I want to take another survey or watch YouTube videos now. But directly after hitting post on this I’ll definitely take another sip of my coffee and give my dog cuddles for a few minutes since he just woke up from his nap.

[gettin-bi-bi-bi]

1 - I feel like this message will be all over the place, I'm sorry. I just have to get it out. So I'm questioning my sexuality and have been for a while now, but I'm afraid to really think about it. I think I might be bi but it's hard to tell because I'm fairly sure I might be on the ace-spectrum as well which makes it extra hard to realize attraction since I don't think I feel sexual attraction. Or maybe I do but I'm just that dumb and don't get it?

2 - And at one point I thought I might actually be a lesbian bc my (romantic) attraction to men was paired with like a lot of nervousness and not actually wanting to date them if it came to it. But now that I have a crush on a girl (my first same gender crush that I can think of) it’s still the same; I’m super flustered around her and would do ridiculous things to impress her and just wanna hold her hand but if she were to ask me out I know I’d panic and decline.

3 - It doesn’t help that I’ve been depressed for years and I know my mental health is in a very bad place (but I’m getting therapy for it). Does that affect my confusion about my sexuality? I’m also very afraid to pick a label like bi or ace or both just in case I turn out not to be, I don’t wanna be “that straight girl” who tries to belong where she doesn’t you know?

4 - Doesn’t help that I’m terrified of the backlash I could potentially get if I was lgbt+, I don’t know if I could handle it, especially from my parents. I’m sorry if this is a lot, I’m just so confused.

I’m gonna go through this bit by bit again because there’s a lot of different issues and questions here. It’s gonna be a long reply but I don’t know how to condense it even more.

“I think I might be bi but it's hard to tell because I'm fairly sure I might be on the ace-spectrum as well [...] maybe I do but I'm just that dumb and don't get it?”Sexual attraction can be a difficult concept to understand especially if you’re on the ace-spectrum. But you’re not “dumb” for having trouble with this. You simply live in a society that treats sexual attraction a standard experience that ~everyone~ is supposed to have so it’s not really talked about what it really means. Of course it’s an individual thing to an extend but generally speaking, sexual attraction means you can look at someone (even a random stranger) and feel a desire to have sex with them. It doesn’t mean one has to act on that desire but it’s certainly a “oh this person is hot - I wanna bang!!” in the most primitive sense lol I can imagine that being on the ace-spectrum can make it harder to explore what other types of attraction you might experience and to which genders. But it’s not impossible. There’s plenty of asexual/biromantic people and I’d recommend trying to talk to some of those as well and just generally get involved with the ace community.

“my attraction to men was paired with like a lot of nervousness and not actually wanting to date them if it came to it [...] but if she were to ask me out I know I’d panic and decline.”I mean... what you talk about regarding men can be a sign of being a lesbian but I guess it can also just as well be a sign of being asexual since “dating” and “relationships” are often associated with sex and though some ace people do have and enjoy sex there’s also sex-repulsed asexuals. So if you genereally don’t want to have sex or are iffy about it that explains why you backed off whenever you had the chance to date someone - bc you thought this would have to lead to sex which you may or may not want to have. Regarding the girl you currently have a crush on, the whole ~being ace and possibly sex-repulsed~ can also play a part plus internalised queerphobia. Since you struggle to accept your queerness and you currently don’t dare claiming a label for yourself it’s evident that you have a lot of shame that needs to be unpacked. As long as you have this much anxiety about your (a)sexuality and potential biromanticism your gut reaction to a girl’s advances will be panic. It’s not surprising. Crushing on a girl forces you to think about being bi and since you’re scared of facing this reality it’s a logical consequence that you’re freaking out!

“It doesn’t help that I’ve been depressed for years [...] Does that affect my confusion about my sexuality?”Yes, it definitly can affect your sexuality and/or your questioning process. Being queer in an inherently queerphobic society is a form of constant low-key (at best; high-key at worst) trauma. A lot of queer people have some form of PTSD just from ~being surrounded by everyday queerphobia~. But even if your depression has totally different reasons, it can still affect how you deal with sex in general, how you experience romance, how you experience yourself. Questioning one’s sexuality is (unfortunately!) not a safe thing to do for many people which means it can be anxiety inducing. And queer people have higher rates of mental health problems that non-queers. That’s a fact. Anf if you’re already depressed for whatever other reason and then add anxiety over being queer to the mix, well... you do the maths! It’s hard, man. It sucks. But it’s great you’re already getting help already. I’d hope your therapist is queer-friendly so you can talk about these things with them. And additionally you should try to get some queer counselling if there’s something available in your area. If your therapist isn’t queer-friendly then I would strongly advice you to find a different one.

“I’m also very afraid to pick a label like bi or ace or both just in case I turn out not to be, I don’t wanna be “that straight girl” who tries to belong where she doesn’t you know?”’Okay, look. I recently answered two asks that touch on that subject and I don’t think I can say it better than there so I’m gonna quote myself and link you to them so you can read the whole thing if you want.

1) Even when you’re not entirely sure of your bisexuality yet, questioning people belong into the community as well. The “Q” in LGBTQIA+ stands both for “queer” and for “questioning” - some people even use a version of the acronym that has two Qs to highlight that! So you belong whether you already identify as bisexual or not. The LGBTQIA+ community is supposed to be an environment where you can safely explore your sexuality - even if you turn out not to be queer. You still belong for as long as you are questioning because “questioning” is a queer identity. (x)

2) “Straight” women are allowed to experiment and explore their sexuality. I put “straight” in quotes here because a lot of these women might actually be questioning or they are bisexual and struggling with internalised biphobia (which won’t get better if biphobic lesbians keep telling them they are “just one of those straight girls”). And even the women who do end up realising that they really are straight have had every right to experiment. It’s their sexuality and they can do with that as they please as long as they don’t hurt anyone. They don’t owe anyone to come out as queer. “Only to say they are straight” sounds like it’s a huge disappointment when all these women did was live out their sexual curiosity. Any half decent queerfeminist should know better than to police women’s sexuality - even when the women in question are straight. (x)

“Doesn’t help that I’m terrified of the backlash I could potentially get if I was lgbt+, I don’t know if I could handle it, especially from my parents.”I understand it can be terrifying, especially if you know your family won’t support you. But the thing is... no matter how much potential backlash there is, you won’t stop being queer. You cannot stop. You cannot run away from your sexuality. You can certainly try but it won’t make you happy and it will take a toll on your mental health. This is not to say that you ~must~ come out. You can be as much out or closeted as you want and as is safe for you. But you cannot convince yourself of being something you are not. There will probably be some people you can safely come out to, others you’d rather not tell. That’s the on-brand queer experience. Maybe one day you can afford to not give a fuck about what your parents think, even if it comes at the price of losing them. That’s gonna be a problem for future!You though. And if you work on self-acceptance through therapy and through connecting with the queer community, building a support system - then it’ll get easier over time.

It’s unfortuantely very common to be scared of this but being scared won’t make you any less bi or ace or whatever type of queer you wanna be. And yes, I say “wanna be” because at the end of the day what label you use and feel comfortable with is your choice. You cannot technically be “wrong” about your sexuality. Even if you pick a label now and then later realise another one suits you better - then you just change your label. No harm done.

And even if you go through a period of questioning, try on multiple queer labels and then have the grande epiphany that you are actually just a basic ol’ heterosexual heteroromantic cisgender person - you did not harm the queer community in the slightest. I wish more straight cis people would question their sexuality and gender and come to the informed conclusion that they really are straight and cis - instead of taking it for granted because our society treats it as the default. What’s the point in questioning if only people who already know that they are queer were allowed to do it?! What’s the point if everyone who questions their sexuality ~has~ to realise that they are queer?

So.... long story short... sounds like you have the very common Queer Anxiety on top of your existing depression and they are probably affecting each other and make each other worse. You should definitly try to work on your internalised biphobia and acephobia and talk to your therapist about it. I have advice on internalised biphobia here - you can use those methods for asexuality as well.

Maddie

[yaboylevi]

Hello! I find your theories very appealing. I would like to ask you what do you think about bond between Levi and Eren from the perspective of recent informations? Eren said that Ackermans form that kind of relationship "in order to protect Eldia`s king" on subconsscious lvl. Do you think that Levi dismissing the idea of killing Eren almost immidiately while having a hedache means that he is influenced like that? Thank you for your time!

Hello everyone, I was surprised to receive so many questions about this topic. This meta has become massive, as I analyzed some interactions throughout the whole manga. Feel free to add your thoughts on it.

Disclaimer:

I’ve seen people argue that Mikasa’s actions make sense even if she wasn’t controlled by her blood, and I agree (112!Eren was probably exaggerating, anyway). And it certainly stands for Levi’s actions as well.

The chances of Levi being bonded to Eren are very slim, in my opinion, and I don’t want him to be, if I had to be honest, but for the sake of answering these questions, and because the most recent chapter is purposely asking us to consider it, I will now ramble about it.

More under the cut.

My experience with ch112 has been me reading the Japanese script first. I was crushed by the EMA talk, then I expected the worst even from Levi’s part, as the page that first leaked seemingly had Levi losing faith in Eren. So I read the soldiers announcing that the plan was to feed Eren to someone, then Levi starting wondering if it even had been worth it to protect Eren, considering all the sacrifices humanity had made. Then it shifted to Levi completely shutting down the idea. No, he said, he would have none of it. He didn’t even care if Eren was controlled or not, he would not kill him. He would kill someone else, feed it to a random person and then titanize Historia. I was blown away. Because I thought Levi to be very opposed to this titan-Historia plan. And I always knew Levi cared about Eren, but it was crazy to read Levi so explicitly confirm it.

Then the chapters images dropped. Mikasa held her head because of a headache, just when Eren was challenging her about it. And right after that, when Levi was debating if he would allow Eren to be killed, he held his head in seemingly (emotional) pain and/or frustration. An Ackerman holding his head just when Eren has just finished talking about Ackerman’s headachesーWait what?!

Images of Mikasa softly placing her hand to the side of the head came immediately to mind. I think it was intentional on Isayama’s part. The coincidence was too obvious to ignore.

So I started thinking about all those times I made fun of Levi for being overprotective of Eren, starting with one of the most recent examples, with Yelena. There is, of course, a logical reason for it, but…But.

What about that time in the Forest of Giant Trees, when Levi was way too much in synch with Eren, just like Mikasa.

This one always felt weird. I loved this parallel. I always attributed Mikasa’s reaction to her overbearing protectiveness, plus she had actually heard Eren’s roar once, in Trost. But Levi had never heard it, as far as we know, he had barely known Eren for a month. It just looked weird and funny in my eyes, and I often joked around with my friends about it, like “Levi, you fool, you’ve known him for like 10 minutes, why are you acting like Mikasa”. But now…I’m reconsidering every interaction Eren and Levi had, from the very start.

Curiously enough, Levi’s first thought when thinking about Eren in 112 is also the very first time he saw him. Eren, so vulnerable. It’s a sweet memory. Levi had found EMA at just the right moment and saved them. When hearing about Eren’s most recent deed, Levi thinks of Eren’s face in a moment of weakness and confusion, instead of, like, this other panel below. Once, the first thing Levi thought about when talking about Eren was this:

Now it’s this.

I feel like Levi’s opinion of Eren has subtly changed over the years, from someone who inspires power and fear, to someone who inspires protection. 

The panel above could be attributed to Levi’s next line of thoughts about all the times he had to save Eren, but that time in Trost is the exception because no one had ordered Levi to save Eren. Yet, he still somehow found him. Mikasa says her bond “wasn’t born by chance”. It’s because it was Eren. Now I wonder if it wasn’t fated that the two Ackermans would find Eren.

This put aside, their next meeting is the famous one, in the courtroom prisons. It’s the first time we see one of the most stoic character, as stoic as Mikasa, show such a strong, impressed reaction to someone. Even before Eren proclaims his intent, his vision we could say, Levi is shaken. 

He decides he will protect him. Erwin probably had already decided this, but I feel Levi was kinda opposed to it before this moment. Levi chose to do so only when hearing such strong-willed words from Eren’s mouth. Words that seem to match Levi’s own vision, as he had just proclaimed as much just hours before on the battlefield.

I’ve always liked this interaction, but I’ve never really thought about the meaning it had in the story. It could simply be a means, like in any other shonen, to show the protagonist’s efforts and value be acknowledged by a not-so-easily impressionable character. Here, Levi’s decision is based simply on Eren’s will, which is Eren’s main trait. But there could be more. Every panel seems to always convey something specific in this manga, and as time progresses and more info are revealed, the meaning of certain panels changes.

Particular focus was put on Levi’s reaction in the anime, too. Could be a strategic move to stir female fans, but the manga focuses on it, as well.

Then, some other interactions have a kind of weird feel when it comes to Levi’s behavior in regards to Eren.

Levi stands in the middle between people who might decide to kill Eren (Zackley, and in 112, it parallels to Pixis, who is in Zackley’s place now) and Eren himself. No need to mention that Levi’s beating was merely a farce, due to Erwin’s orders with the goal to save Eren. Levi, in the visual novel, says he didn’t like it, but it was necessary to save his life. In this occasion, Eren screams “Bet on me!” and I idly wonder if this could be the order an Ackerman needs.

Currently, Levi is totally betting on Eren still being their only hope for freedom.

After that, a totally unjustified gut feeling tells Levi to protect Eren, even if he was absolutely pissed just mere seconds before and he has no reason to trust Eren with his titan.

Then, in the forest, again for no reason at all, he jeopardizes Erwin’s plans when he gives free choice to Eren. If Eren had decided to fight the Female Titan, it would have never reached the point where Erwin and the other soldiers were waiting for it. Levi has always given precise orders to his subordinates. But he left free choice to Eren.

The same happened in the Reiss cave. They were about to die, and instead of thinking about a solution himself, or giving some orders, he recognized Eren’s will and left him a choice. They could’ve died, but he decided to trust Eren. These could simply be ways for Isayama to let the protagonist grow and gain experiences that will shape him in the future, but usually, the characters act for very specific reasons. I’ve always believed it was because Eren and Levi are fundamentally really similar and Levi understood this and respected and accepted Eren because of it. It could still be it. But now I am reconsidering Levi’s reasons for trusting Eren so much in the first place, since the very beginning. 

Now, when it comes to Erwin’s orders conflicting with protecting Eren…

In Stohess, Levi, upon Erwin’s orders, couldn’t participate in the battle, and, when hearing Eren’s roar again, he looks like this.

In the Forest of Giant Trees, when Erwin prevents Levi to get to his squad and to Eren, it very much looks like Levi wants to oppose it, but he trusts Erwin, his current liege.

In Shiganshina, the same happens.

Towards the end of that battle, when Levi sees Eren again, he looks distraught. 

Then he recomposes himself and comes up with a half-assed plan that would cause his own demise and that of everyone else, but Erwin and Eren would survive, and that’s all that matters because they are the hope of humanity for Levi. Sounds familiar? Yeah, it sounds like the plan in chapter 112, a pretty bold plan that goes directly against orders ー its faults clearly pointed out by othersー and is based on sacrificing important people in order to protect “hope”.

The timing of Levi clutching his head in the latest chapter was suspicious. It might not be a headache, but I think Isayama wants to make us wonder, of course.

I…honestly don’t want Levi to be ackerbonded to Eren and he probably isn’t, as I said before. I want every one of their interactions to be nothing but genuine, between two people who understand and trust each other on a basic, instinctual level, without even an ounce of magical and/or scientific stuff in the middle.

But Eren has the Founder and it looks like Ackermans were made to protect it. I wouldn’t find it farfetched if fate, or “Paths”, whatever, brought all the Ackermans to be around Eren. Mikasa and Levi specifically, both with the self-appointed mission to protect Eren. Levi’s has never made us suspect anything because it was also his official mission in the SC. But both Ackermans are making the same pained expression when finally confronting Eren in Marley, and it can’t be a coincidence.

The images are so painfully similar, they overlap (my friend checked lol).

I am aware Ackermans can still have independent feelings for their host. If Kenny’s granddad’s story taught us anything, it would be that the Ackermans can ideologically oppose their host’s decisions. I am unsure if they can, physically, but I bet they can. Eren seems to think the bond works both mentally and physically, like a twilight imprint, minus the romantic aspect of it. But I don’t think the Ackermans’ most inner feelings are influenced, albeit the bond possibly forming during an “extreme situation” when the Ackerman (or the Liege?) is in life-threatening danger is certainly worrying. You know, trauma and bad coping mechanisms.

About those knee-jerk reactions Eren called Mikasa out on, I’d like to point out Levi’s punch to Eren in Shiganshina (possibly in response to the instinct to protect Erwin) and Mikasa’s subsequent violent reaction to Levi (possibly in response to her instinct to protect Eren). 

But there’s another instance, in Levi’s visual novel “Burning Bright in the Forest of the Night”, that happens when Levi hears Eren’s roar.

“Facing that conclusion head on [that Eren is in danger], he flies like a released arrow. His heart - it is as cold as ice.”

I have no idea what will happen next, if Levi will survive or how he’ll react to Eren’s new…personality. But not even Eren using the SC to attack an entire nation could make Levi lose faith in him, not even knowing that Eren is working with Zeke and most probably asked Levi not to kill his brother, not even hearing Eren has escaped from prison and he’s leading a coup. Just like when Levi found out Erwin’s dream was more important than humanity’s survival, even if shocked, Levi has decided to accept and trust the man. 

I can’t wait to see Eren and Levi meeting again. A mentor-mentee relationship surely calls for more, even if Levi’s headache in 112 isn’t really a headache. I don’t think the story requires a new Ackerbond with Eren when there’s Mikasa’s already, but it would be interesting to see Levi protecting Eren once more, in spite of everything. It might be the last time, too.

[unwarrantedopinions-blog1]

AJR/Fletcher/3OH!3 @ ISU’s Braden Auditorium

A different take to the blog this post. I went to a show alone up in the Blono area. For those of you who are reading this and aren’t local, it’s Bloomington-Normal which is the home of the Illinois State University Redbirds. Pretty campus, nice majors, etc. Definitely worth checking into if you’re in the market for college. I have a lot of friends who go here / have went here. The parties are dope, the bar scene is hype, and it’s a great little place overall to spend 2-4 years if you have that kind of time and money.

FIRST IMPRESSION:

This was my first concert at Braden Auditorium and I am going to give it about a 7.5/10 rating for the venue, 8/10 for the vibe, and artists individually will get reviews/ratings later on in the blog. The venue was actually really well ventilated and it stayed cool inside despite the fact that it was packed as fuck and everyone was flailing around like an octopus at a rave. Parking was big and spacious, I conveniently parked closest to the doors not even knowing where I was going. Shout out to Brady for getting me where I needed to go via Snap since I was clueless. It was more or less just following the masses. (Doesn’t that lead to mass murder or cults?) The merchandise was right inside the doors and everything was front and center. AJR was the only artist that had merchandise out so I bought their short sleeved tie dye shirt (I’m a slut for tie dye) and their dusty rose hoodie with “100 BAD DAYS 100 GOOD STORIES” on the back because obviously. That’s my favorite song off Neotheater. I think it was reasonably priced. $35 T-shirt and $65 hoodie. Lucky for me, I brought exactly $100. Amazing on me.

I’m really not a fan of “assigned seating venues” so that was a bummer at first but the chair was super convenient when I wasn’t feeling it for the middle set. The facility is super nice, the security/assistants were super nice, the vibe was super nice. Overall super nice. The box office workers were SO kind helping me get my ticket (obviously I needed a physical ticket for the collection) and pointing me in the right direction to my seat. The people I sat around were kind as well. I had a group of girlfriends to my right, a couple to my left at first, and friend groups ahead and behind. As the Fletcher set went on and I was sitting, I had a weird guy come up and sit in the empty seat to my left. He got creepy after a few minutes and, GOD BLESS, the two girls that were together behind me saved the day and pulled me up to the next row back with them. After a while he tried talking to the group of girlfriends that were to my right originally and after talking with them I found out they were 17!!! So I told them I’d walk them out to their car after the show and they were so appreciative. Girls helping girls is what this future needs to become. Aside from that little stutter, the seating was not the best but wasn’t the worst. Neutral rating there, but for future reference I am gonna try to avoid assigned seating venues. Dat shit lame.

The thing I like the most about this experience for myself was that I was able to let myself feel. I have an issue with bottling up my emotions and I don’t ever process them, I just shove them to the back of my mind and wait until the shelf is too full and one falls off and I deal with it when the glass breaks. So being able to sit here, reflect on my emotions, feel things for what they are at their own face value, it was really nice. I heard all of my feelings loud and clear, I cried tears of happiness, sadness, confusion, excitement. There was so much going on in my brain that I couldn’t hold any of it in. Music is one of the only things that allows me to feel freely and deeply, so this experience helped me sort through what I’ve been holding onto. Some days I wonder why I hold on. I think this is a good habit to get into: going to a concert alone once a month, maybe twice. Not just for me, but for anyone who has a deep connection with music, artists, albums, etc. Overall, a pleasant experience for what I dubbed “Solo Sunday”.

ARTIST REVIEW:

3OH!3 - The first artist up on stage was 3OH!3 and I am honestly so emo over that itself. I’ve been into them since I was in middle school so that was a dope experience. I didn’t think I would see them in concert in my entire life let alone be a few feet from them so that was super surreal and I felt so starstrukk (puns, lol). Honestly, they’re so hype and their humor is very plain, but it’s still funny. I loved their set, recorded half of it on my phone, and will probably blare them on the hour long drive home. It was seriously such a great moment for me, my 13-year-old self was LIVING HER BEST LIFE and I can’t say 22-year-old me could’ve complained either. (10/10)

Fletcher - Fletcher was the second artist out of the trio. Let me start by saying her voice is AMAZING and she is TALENTED. But it’s too loud and strong for the mic and that needs to be adjusted so it doesn’t sound so blaring and shitty. I wasn’t really feeling her set so obviously I sat and started this blog. You could barely understand half the words she was singing when she got quiet, you could only hear her when she was loud. Aside from the sound, her lyrics were spot on for any girl going through literally anything. “Wish I could get a little undrunk so I could uncall you, at 5 in the morning I would unfuck you”. Bruh. My CHEST. Who said she could come for my life like that? This is wack as FUCK, I got called out hard on the whole set. There’s just something about the emotion in her voice that make the lyrics hurt 10x more and I think that is what makes a good artist. I think she talks too much midset and between songs, but maybe she will learn as she tours more that not every song needs an explanation for why she wrote it or when she wrote it or where. Overall I think her lyrics were good, the sound was okay, but the set was mediocre at best. Maybe an artist better on recording compared to live, will definitely give her a listen and fair chance. (7.5/10)

AJR - First off, let me just say that AJR was/is/always will be a (not so) subtle obsession. Neotheater (album review post coming soon) got me in my feelies so fucking hard that I couldn’t breathe. It was a cheap rib shot and it made me want to reevaluate everything I’ve ever said or done in my entire life. Seeing them live, being in the same building as them, it had my feelings on a whole different level. This album has been my rock for the last few weeks on repeat and helping me through this rough patch of my life. Being at the NEOTHEATER WORLD TOUR was unreal. They bring so much hype and playful banter to the stage, seeing them interact with one another (they’re brothers slash the “they were roommates” vine) was so wholesome. The gig was INCREDIBLE. I recorded most of the set to have for the bad days and the sad days. They are fun, upbeat, and quirky in the best way. I cried for the first 4-5 songs because it was so surreal to me and I was just in awe of the fact that the music that I listen to so I can make it through the day sounds 10x better in person. The vibrations in your chest and the pounding headache you find yourself not minding, the amazing crowd that feels the same or similar to the way you do, and the hype that everyone in the place felt. It was all amazing and I will never miss another AJR show again. I really just sat there and soaked in my tears the whole set. It was satisfying in a weird way to connect with something so simple so deeply. (10/10)

THE DRIVE HOME:

The drive home was hype while I sat in the lot trying to leave all the way up until I got out of Blono. It began as a light jam session of “I’m Not Famous” and “Burn The House Down” in the lot, transitioned to 3OH!3 on shuffle (skipping for all the high tempo bops), and then winded down with a play through of Neotheater in its entirety. From the moment I hit the highway from the last exit taking me home, I started the album from the beginning. I let the words sink it, the emotions connect, and I was a bawling mess. I sang, I cried, I bobbed my head along time the heartbreaking truths the lyrics were throwing at me. I revisited painful things from my life, I planned out new future plans. I took my present life into consideration and started working on a plan to get it back together. By the time I got home, my face was covered in teary mascara streaks and my eyes were bloodshot and burning. My cheeks were red and I felt so exhausted. Letting my emotions get out in their own way made me feel like a new person. The months upon months of bottled up feelings are gone and it’s time to start over with new ones.

FINAL THOUGHTS:

I enjoyed myself. That’s a phrase that will rarely come out of my mouth. But hey, it’s true. The experience was one of a kind, it was extraordinary, it was everything I wanted it to be. $50 to see a life altering show (dramatic, yes, but not entirely wrong either) was a steal. I would recommend an AJR headliner any day regardless of the openers. 3OH!3 as a headliner would slide if they had good openers. Fletcher as a headliner would be cool if you like that kind of thing. Don’t go to concerts alone unless you are adequately prepared to be alone. Help those around you, enjoy the moment, live for the now. Let those around you enjoy things in their own way. Be kind, be compassionate, be supportive. Enjoy the time you have because your days are numbered, regardless of the total amount. And when you think you shouldn’t do something because you don’t wanna go alone, do it anyway. It will be good for you and it will bring a new meaning to self care. I feel weightless and so wholesome. I am ready to tackle another week, month, and year.

[peaceisadirtyword]

Secrets (Modern! Ivar/Reader)

A/N: Hi! I should have posted this on Tuesday, but I didn't like what I had written, so I’ve been rewriting it since then (like three times) and, well... The result is this. I’m sorry if it’s too boring or anything, I just wanted this one to be an introduction to the story, idk... I’m really excited with this one, even if it’s not my best work, but I really hope you like it because I'd love to do this series. It’s my first time doing modern Ivar so please, don’t be too harsh on me lol. Thank you so much for reading, I hope you enjoy it! 

English it’s not my first language so please, forgive any mistakes I may have had. Also, I didn’t have time to edit this one, sorry!

Inspiration:  This work was inspired by Griffenholm Confessionals a series written by @akamaiden @ivarswickedqueen @laketaj24 and @ivarsshieldmadien (please, check it out because it’s amazing).

Warnings: Ivar, a dysfunctional family, my bad writing and the fact I named the school Valhalla Academy because my almost non-existent creativity decided to disappear when I was writing this. Also we’re talking about the Lothbroks here so probably there will be violence and smut on the next chapters.

Words: 2476 (I tried to do it shorter so it wouldn’t be that boring, I’m sorry)

Part 2

gif isn’t mine

Great, you just arrived and you already hated Denmark's weather. 

It hadn't stopped raining since the plane landed, and it got worse when you got stuck in a car with your mother and her new husband.

Maybe it was because they were leaving without you. 

Since your mother met John, everything had fell down. They started dating and, at first, you were happy for your mother, even though you didn't like John, but she seemed to be so in love with him you couldn't say anything.

But a year later they got married, and when they came back from their honeymoon at the Bahamas, your mother told you they were moving out to California... Without you. 

You still had to finish school, and John had contacts in Denmark who could get you in one of the most prestigious schools in Europe, the Valhalla Academy. 

Your mother agreed, and a few weeks after, there you where, at the back of a rented car in the danish countryside on your way to hell. 

"Oh, and please say hello to Mrs. Fischer, she works at the cafeteria, if you tell her you know me she will invite you to coffee sometimes" John hadn't stop talking since you left your home, and it was starting to be very annoying.

You rolled your eyes, John had been in that school when he was younger, and he seemed to know everyone... 

"I will say hello to everyone if you shut up" you said, putting on your headphones to stop listening to him.

Your mother glared at you. 

"They will teach you some manners too" John scoffed, but you hummed and closed your eyes, ignoring him.

Valhalla Academy was bigger than you imagined. The entry had a big fence and a lovely path surrounded by trees, and the main building looked like a mansion. You tried not to look very impressed by it, but you couldn't help cursing when you saw how big it was. 

There was an old man and a woman waiting for you there, and John greeted them with that fake, big smile he always had when he spoke to important people. 

You learnt that they were the principal and one of the teachers, who would be your tutor. You didn't even paid attention to their names.

They talked for at least one hour, while you stood near the car, looking around to find some way to run away.

"So Y/N" the principal smiled at you, but you were too angry to smile at someone in that moment "Welcome to Valhalla Academy, we hope you have an amazing experience with us". 

You raised your eyebrows, faking a smile when your mother glared at you again. 

"I'm sure I will" 

"Well, my dear, I'm sure Y/N will be well taken care of in here" John smiled to your mother "We should get going, we have to get up early tomorrow if you want to visit Copenhagen before leaving for California"

They had come with you because, according to your mother, they wanted to say goodbye properly, but you knew it was because they thought you would have ran away if you were alone. And they were right. 

"I will miss you" your mother hugged you, and for a moment you hugged her back. Those past moths your relationship with her had been inexistent, but she was still your mother, and you would miss her anyway "Behave, okay? I will call you twice a week"

"Okay mom" you sighed "Have fun fucking your husband in LA"

"Y/N" she pressed her lips together, a thing she did when se was angry "Please, John is doing this for you, because he loves you and wants you to have the same opportunities he had"

"Of course he does" you said sarcastically, rolling your eyes. 

He wasn't your father, even if he wanted to pretend he was. Your real father lived in Paris, and he now had a new family; two daughters, a newborn son and a wife... And he hadn't talked to you for months. 

You could say you had a dysfunctional family.

"I will send some postcards to you" your mother kissed your cheek "I love you, sweetie"

"Bye" you got away from her. If she would miss you so much and loved you, why did she left you in that place while she was moving out with her husband?

John tried to approach and hug you, but you turned around to take your luggage out of the car, avoiding him. 

A few minutes later, you were walking next to your tutor, carrying your things towards your new room. 

The rooms for the students were in another building, which was almost as big as the main one. 

"It's dinner time" your tutor, whose name was Mrs. Lauridsen, said "So that's why there's no students around here now, but you can meet you roommate later" she said, stopping in front of a door and giving you a key "This is your room, you can leave your things and go to the canteen if you're hungry, don't lose your key" she said with a serious expression "And tomorrow you have to be at the hall at eight o'clock, I will be there to show you around and give you your schedule, don't be late"

You nodded, with no intention of going to the canteen. 

She left and you opened the door, praying to all the gods that your roommate was having dinner and not in the room. 

She wasn't. 

The room was big, it had two single beds, a large desk and two chairs and two bedside tables. There was one big shelve on one side of the room with some books on it. 

The curtains were dark, and the window at the other side of the room was big. There was a small balcony with amazing views to the forest and a big closet in one of the corners of the room.

One of the beds was unmade, so you supposed it was your roommate's. You left your things next to the other bed and lied onto it, exhausted. 

You only could hope your roommate was nice, and luckily the other students would be too busy to notice you, or they wouldn't even care.

You didn't know how much time you spent lying down on the bed, but suddenly the door opened and a girl dressed in the school's uniform came in, stopping when she saw you. 

"Oh, you must be... I can't remember your name, actually" she said, offering you a smile.

"Y/N" you said, trying to smile back at her. 

"Yeah, I'm Elise, nice to meet you"

You sat on the bed, looking at her. 

"Same" 

"Are you hungry? Dinner is not over, you still have time to grab something"

"No, thank you, but I'm fine"

"You don't seem to be very happy about being here" she walked over her bed and took her jacket off, leaving her phone on the table "Why is that? All the newbies who get accepted here are so fucking happy it's annoying" she rolled her eyes.

"Well, my mother's husband knows everyone here, so I got in because of that, but I didn't want to come to this brainwashing place, no offense"

"None taken, but this is not so bad when you get used to it, and there's parties almost every day so"

She stood up and took a cigarette, walking to the window and opening it.

You raised your brow.

"I thought we were not allowed to have parties here"

"Well, you can if your last name is Lothbrok" she laughed.

"What?" You blinked, confused.

"The Lothbroks are the most important family here in Denmark, forget the royal family" she shrugged "Ragnar Lothbrok rules the country, and half of Scandinavia actually, and four of his five sons are in this school, they can do whatever they please, no one is gonna punish them" she turned around to look at you "Most of them are nice, I had a crush on the oldest one, Ubbe, but he has a girlfriend now, he's the nicest... Hvitserk is nice, too, but he's a player, don't trust him or accept any drink he gives to you, probably he just wants to fuck, Sigurd it's not that bad, but he can be a bit rude sometimes, he doesn't like people... And Ivar, well" she bit her lip "He's the worst, you'll recognize him because he carries crutches and because he's the hottest guy in the school, but he's... Well, stay away from him if you don't want trouble" 

"So" you stood up and walked over to the window "Those guys can do whatever they want to?"

"Yes" Elise seemed used to it, but it looked a bit unfair for you.

"Even kill a person?"

She laughed.

"I'm almost sure they have already done that" she whispered, shaking her head "But don't worry, probably Ubbe and Hvitserk will welcome you and if you don't mess with them you're safe"

"I had no intention of doing that" you sat down on her bed, near the window "But... I am not the only new person here am I?"

Elise smiled.

"I'm afraid you are, love, I'm sorry but you'll be the center of attention for a few days".

You felt everyone's eyes on you. Elise was right, you were the centre of attention... And you didn't like it.

You only wanted to have lunch in peace, after an awful morning walking around the school and following your grumpy tutor, signing papers and pretending to be excited for being in such a exclusive academy. It was exhausting. 

Elise had told you to sit with her and her friends, but you couldn't find them anywhere, and you really needed to sit down and eat.

Finally you spotted an empty table, and practically ran to it, too relieved... When you bumped into someone. 

Of course, just when you thought you could relax for a bit, you ran over some boy and ruin everything. 

Honestly, the boy almost didn't notice you bumping into him... On the other hand, you almost fell down.

He was tall, with his long, blonde hair tied back into a man bun. His playful eyes were green and he was so handsome you had to blink a few times before realizing you were staring. 

"Sorry" you managed to say, blushing and hoping that he wouldn't be too harsh on you "I wasn't paying attention..."

"Oh, don't worry about that" he was definitely danish, and his voice matched his eyes' playfulness "Are you alright?"

You nodded, still embarrassed.

"Then it's totally fine, I'm Hvitserk, by the way" he smirked at you while looking at you up and down "You must be the new girl..."

You froze. He was Hvitserk Lothbrok, the one Elise warned you about a few hours before. Great, the day was getting better and better.

"Yeah, I'm Y/N" you tried not to sound impressed, looking at him straight in the eyes.

He chuckled, amused by your pretended boldness. 

"Well, Y/N" he shrugged "You should come tonight to the party, so we all can give you a proper welcome... And watch where you're going".

He winked at you before turning around and leaving, and you stood there, confused.

Elise had spent half of the night talking about those boys, Hvitserk and his brothers, about how dangerous they were, and how no one dared to mess with them. But he seemed like a normal guy... A really hot, normal guy. 

You sat down, and your eyes followed Hvitserk as he walked over to another table, not far away from yours. 

Another guy, maybe a bit older than Hvitserk, with brown hair and blue eyes, was sat next to the table, with a blonde girl sitting on his lap, her uniform's skirt was too short, and the way his hand caressed the girl's thigh didn't actually help. 

That must be Ubbe, you thought, remembering how Elise described him and his girlfriend, Margrethe. 

Next to him, there was a blonde guy, with long and wavy hair, he had a guitar leaned against the backrest of his chair, so he could be Sigurd. Elise told you he was a musician, and he played several instruments. He was alone, looking at his phone with a bored expression on his face. 

And then someone else caught your attention. 

He entered the canteen as fast as his crutch allowed him. Everyone looked at him, some of the students with fear on their eyes, his deep blue eyes scanned the room, maybe looking for his brothers.

Soon, everyone stopped looking at him, maybe it was because Ubbe cleared his throat and made the rest of the students resume their eating and their conversations. 

Well, everyone but you. 

You couldn't stop looking at him, as if he was a freaking god. Although he was walking on one crutch, his movements were elegant. He had long hair tied back, like his brothers, but much darker, contrasting with his clear eyes. 

He sat next to Hvitserk, who was nibbling an apple with an amused expression. 

Ivar.

Unlike his brothers, everything about him screamed danger. Maybe it was the way he looked at everyone, as if he was a king looking down at his subjects, or maybe it was how he walked, without a hint of shame, making you forget he couldn't really walk without help.

You were too busy staring at Ivar that you didn't notice Hvitserk looking at you and smirking... Not until he leaned towards his brother and whispered something on his ear. 

Then Ivar's blue eyes found yours, and you looked away quickly, with your cheeks burning. Your food, still untouched, was now cold and you didn't think you could take a bite in that moment. 

You felt the Lothbrok's eyes on you, probably because you were staring at his little brother for like five minutes. 

But, thank the gods, Elise came and saved you. 

"Hello, new girl, how was your first day?" She smiled, sitting down in front of you and leaving her backpack on the table. 

"Too long" you shrugged, still nervous "But Hvitserk Lothbrok invited me to a party tonight, so..."

Elise seemed impressed,  and her wide eyes glanced at the Lothbrok's  table with curiosity. They had stopped looking at you; Ubbe was now making out with his girlfriend, Sigurd still looking at his phone and Hvitserk and Ivar were talking to each other, not paying any attention to any of the students who looked at them warily.

"You already met them" she shrugged "Well, it's a good sign if Hvitserk was nice to you, just listen to me and don't get too involved with them, it's a bit dangerous... Now, tell me about your classes, are you taking Old Norse Mythology?"

Tags: @mblaqgi @alicedopey @lol-haha-joke @hallowed-heathen @ivarslittlebadgirl @naaladareia @tephi101 @captstefanbrandt @love-hate-love @titty-teetee @thisisparadisemylove @sallylebecks

I think I tagged everyone! If not, please tell me. I hope you liked it, and thank you for reading, I wanted to make this a series, maybe posting one chapter per week or something like that... 

Also, I’m sorry if I don’t answer your comments! I read them all and appreciate them, I swear, but I’m a forgetful person and I probably forgot, sorry!

[primeadv]

SITS DOWN

PULLS OUT 10 GIANT ALBUMS :))) 

(this came out way longer than I intended im so fuckgkdsdf sory)

How I feel about this character: EVERYONE WHO KNOWS ME KNOWS I’M IN LOVE WIHT RATCHET. I love him in all iterations of Transformers because he’s always the tired, pragmatic one of the group. In contrast, he’s also almost tiredly optimistic in some ways. He won’t get out of bed, but if someone gets shot in the head he’ll spend however long and beyond to resuscitate them. There’s 2 halves to this--the me who identifies with the beating exhaustion he exudes, and the me who’s in awe that he’ll still fight his way through life.  I won’t... get into each continuity...because that’s too much, so I’ll stick with probably the most unpopular version of him and that’s IDW (my impression, anyway). IDW Ratchet gets a lot of flack for being way too sour and like, maybe not selfish, but uncaring. He cares! A lot! He’s always thinking about everyone in really surprisingly thoughtful ways. Like when he’s 90% sure he’ll die due to Overlord and his last words are to promote First Aid to CMO (he’s ready!! god that’s sweet), and to give his hands to Whirl (though maybe a bit blindsided, he’s paid attention to some roots of Whirl’s trauma). Or yeah he’s hella mean to Drift in the beginning, but when Drift is dying in his arms he’s scREAMING at him “you’re gonna make it! You’re gonna be fine because I’m gonna make sure you’re gonna be fine”. He can be an asshole, but he knows the time and place. Death isn’t something to play with--he’s seen probably countless friends die, and he doesn’t want that to happen again. Even now, even after the war.  So I feel very confused when ppl act like he’s this mean, cold person. He’s exTREMELY emotional. He’s probably way too invested in everyone’s lives, honestly? He interrupts a round table story for Rung just to reminisce on the veery last time he, OP, and Roller were together in the same room (not even hanging out or anything, just being together one last time. who remembers that after 5+ millions years??). He started an illegal clinic in the bad part of town because he wanted to put his skills to better use! Like! LOL.  ALSO, a point that i think is unfair is that ppl think his atheism is just really mean. IT is! But I think it shows just how much of an emotional and extremely, deeply hurt person he is. It gets aggravating when he’s condescending of religion, because there’s no simple logic to it. He reacts the way he does because he’s a hurt person who’s gone through years of trauma and this is his way of coping. Is it healthy or right? Nah, but it’s humanizing. It’s why when he becomes closer to Drift he occupies this weird between space where he snarks but also tries to indulge more in perspectives outside of his own in his own dumb old tsundere way. He’s a person who believes in justice, ultimately, and religion to him doesn’t fall under justice.  ALSO, can I say that his inability to say good byes is so.. like relatable? I have rly bad social anxiety, and so I’ve definitely ghosted people who’ve been nothing but really supportive for me. It’s not because I wanted to burn them, but it freaks you out needing to, not even say goodbye, but communicate with ppl. And for Ratchet--how many times was he FORCED to say good bye to friends + patients who were dying beyond his help? Maybe, if he could help it, he doesn’t want to say goodbye. And it’s tragic the times he’s just left, these were people who ended up either dying for falling astray into insanity, i.e., beyond his help. But he learns. He chases after Drift, who he actually said, in a way, good bye to (helping him off the floor after being attacked, also I should point out that a very tiny handful of people were comfortable interacting w/ Drift at all, and how much Ratchet just doesn’t give a shit abt how other ppl think abt him. he’ll help drift off the floor bc t’s the right thing to do). He says goodbye in his old dumb way--First Aid calls him out on it. ALSO his trust in First Aid is super cute. ALSO he’s like.. genuinely nice to Ten (he helped him get a date with Minimus!!!). And he’s not afraid to call out on other ppl’s bullshit (telling rodi straight you dont deserve to be captain which, at the time, was really true). He’s also SUPER smart. Also there’s that post on tumblr that pointed out that Ratchet immediately goes to deescalate conflict. He’s willing to put aside pride and anything if it means ultimately coming to a resolution where EVERYONE involved is safe. The only time he doesn’t is FUCKING OVERLORD who he rightfully, immediately, tries to briefly incapacitate to lockdown his medibay (protect patients/information). Ok I gotta stop I can go on forever just going page to page. Also, despite my love, I can totally point out his flaws. He’s grating when it’s unnecessary, he’s abhorrently bad at communicating, he’s privileged, he’s narrow-minded at times, etc. ec. But again what I love about him is that despite all that, he’ll throw his own self out the window for others’s well-being bc he genuinely, genuinellyyy cares about other people. If only he could care for himself //cries All the people I ship romantically with this character OH god... everyone. He’s my bicycle.  ok look, ya’ll know I’m an intense dratchet shipper and I could literally write a god damn essay. ... here’s another essay???!! So, I’ma be real, I wasn’t a super dratchet shipper before. I wasn’t anti (i have no notps), but I was just “yeah they’re cute i guess haha”. But 99.99% the reason why I ship anything is all for super cute adorable fanart. and I kept drawing them because 1) ratchet’s my fav, 2) drift is super popular so I figured I should learn to draw him. And they became the only 2 mechs I could draw. I used to be way more into Scavengers + megarod. I used to only like 1 dratchet fanfic and that’s bc it was less romantic and more plot centric (still a fav tho). Then I kept seeing cute fanart, I would read posts by other dratchet shippers too about what makes them so nice? And I was yeah.. oh yeah. And it doesn’t help that in Lost Light, drift is CONSTANTLY by Ratchet’s side. He’s constantly checking up on him and holding him and touching him, like as if Ratchet is the thing that he needs to make sure, at all costs, is safe.  In Drift’s life, Ratchet is the one who appears to him when he needs support the most but is in the most denial of it. When Drift is at the brink of death, overdosed and about to be broken apart and Orion brings him to Ratchet’s clinic. Ratchet patches him up pro-bono and tells him that he sees something special in him.  like??? can you imagine how that feels? To have no one believe in you--you don’t even believe in yourself, and yet here’s this person who tells you “you’re gonna be great”. And it totally doesn’t hit Drift in anyway, at least in a way that’s tangible to him, until much later in life. Or maybe it does (hey, how do you weave character narratives when it’s been written by like 3 different ppl shrugs). And that statement means 2 different things to them. To Drift, it’s a reminder that he’s worth something, even if it’s a sliver of nearly nothing to hold onto. To Ratchet, it’s a reminder that the greatness he saw led to the deaths of thousands of people.  HEY can you imagine this person you saved, patched up, tried to encourage, ended up being a mass serial killer in the future? (have you ever read Monster by Naoki Urusawa). Ended up killing people you loved?  So it’s no wonder that a good part of Ratchet is absolutely mad at Drift. And I think if that was all, they probably would’ve ended up being amicable. But Drift also ended up being super religious and seeing the hand and primus in everything and oh my god is this person really waxing poetry on the value of life when he, himself, shot several bullets at me at one point?  I also believe they are uncomfortably similar as they are different. The reason why they constantly butt heads is they’re two people trying to escape a past they don’t want and found complete opposite ways to cope with their losses. Drift found religion, Ratchet is gratingly pragmatic, and they see each other and go “how could this guy choose to be this way?”. I’ve heard ppl like to cite the annual as the reason why they could never work out. BUT, can I point out, that they act around each other in a way they don’t with anyone else? Drift gets SO MAD. Ratchet gets extremely talkative and incredibly personal (pulled out an electro slug from someone’s spark, holy shit that fucking traumatized you didn’t it??). They challenge each other emotionally, and it’s so fucking difficult bc they’re both extremely depressed and suffer from PTSD and would probably rather just go on their dumb space adventure and look at stars--take 2 emotionally constipated idiots and you get them. And hell no, don’t tell me Drift is in-tune with his feelings bc he’s 10000% not. He uses religion to cope with a past and life that he doesn’t want to think about. He tries to re-contextualize himself because he hates who he is. OUCHHH. And Ratchet MAKES him confront the parts of himself he hates--bc Ratchet has seen his worst traits and isn’t afraid to make him think about it.  So why do they work out eventually? They realize how important they are to each other. Delphi, Drift saves Ratchet’s life while he’s barely holding onto his own because he probably feels like he owes Ratchet his own life. And that’s a huge turning point in their relationship--Ratchet sees that... Drift tries really really fucking hard. My friend Zig pointed out that post-Delphi, Drift is eating energon w/ chopsticks (what a fucking nerd), and you can see in a later panel that Ratchet (who chose to sit next to Drift) is using those chopsticks too. IT’s such a small thing, but they’re becoming closer by sharing and learning from each other. And then Drift takes the fall and leaves. And Ratchet realizes just how important Drift’s presence is in his life. I mentioned it already lol but the scene where Ratchet helps Drift up off the floor and it’s superimposed with the love message Rewind left for CD. They care about each other so much!! And Ratchet chases after him!! HOLY SHIT. If that isn’t romance, what is?? lol I kid, but it’s obvious just how important Drift’s presence meant to him. IT’s really because they became so so so close in a way that can’t be described as just friends. They deeply understand each other in really uncomfortable ways and bring out the absolute worst and absolute best in each other. And this point is where Ratchet again appears when Drift doesn’t realize he needs someone in his life. Drift thinks he can be a loner and just float aimlessly and voicelessly--hell no! He needs friends, he needs community. He NEEDs belonging, because he wants to belong somewhere. And Ratchet helps bridge him back to friends and found family.  And Ratchet slowly changes the more he’s with Drift. He reads religious text and tries to brag about it bc he’s a dumb tsundere lol but he’s trying to understand Drift’s interests more even if it takes a decade and more to get there. And Drift values him for being his rock. That’s why he’s constantly making sure Ratchet is safe and unharmed, because he owes at least that much to him. And yeah they eventually fall in love because they value each other in a way they haven’t anyone else. IM EMO I CAN GO ONE, this all probably didn’t make a whole lot of sense but yeah. I’m just so soft to the fact that they’re horribly hurt people who don’t know how to redirect their pain, but by being together they come out healthier and more confident. IT’S RLY ROMANTIC IDKKK My non-romantic OTP for this character As much as I also love OpRatch, they are also great best friend platonic ship. They know each other best, they’ve been through SO MUCH together. It’s honestly a shame they barely interact in IDW bc the small tidbits we have, they obviously deeply respect each other’s opinions and deeply value the relationship they’ve had over the past millions of years.  I’m also all for non-romanceOTP for dratchet because I can totally imagine they go to each other to talk about things they feel uncomfortable sharing with others (they’ve seen the absolute worst of each other afterall).  My unpopular opinion about this character I don’t... think I ahve one. Some ppl view my love for his as grating lol.  One thing I wish would happen / had happened with this character in canon. Medic spin off.

[codename-bewareofthefangirl]

Can I request a scenario - or headcanon if you don't want to do a scenario - of Todoroki's s/o and Momo ( one of Todoroki's closest friends ) who hate each other? It can be about Todoroki finding out that they can't stand each other, how he deal with it.. Anything, I leave the story to you :^) I just thought it would be funny since Momo is one of my faves and Todoroki my fave lol

Hi dear! Omg, I laughed so much when I read it the first time because, really, poor Todoroki. We girls can be hella scary when mad! I choose to do headcanons because I had too many ideas and didn’t know how to combine them together I hope it’s fine! It was so funny to write, thank you! (In case you want more, let me know what!)

Have a nice day!

Todoroki x ReaderWhoHatesMomo Headcanons

-Okay, let’s be honest. Todoroki doesn’t get it immediately that you and Momo hate each other. It’s true that you tried to hide it a bit, but he’s just dense. He also can’t quite understand why. I mean, Momo is such a nice girl?

When he says that to you, you usually growl and he backs off because he can still recognize when an animal is angry and dangerous.

-Imagine all the little moments when is totally confused because he doesn’t know of your rivalry.

“SO…is that Bakugou’s extra-spicy tabasco sauce?”

“Uhm…yes?”

“And isn’t that Momo’s glass?”

“Uh! How stupid of me! I made a mistake.”

“There’s her name written on it.”

“Then I just made a big mistake.”

“Wait- What was that?”

“What, Shouto?”

“The expression Momo just made, for half of a second.”

“A glare, Shouto. It was a glare.”

“Momo doesn’t glare. She doesn’t know how to glare.”

“How naïve. Trust me, she glares and she’s good at it.”

 “I didn’t know Momo knew that kind of words…”

“Yeah, she came up with new creative insults recently.”

“What? You have heard her swearing before?”

“I’m her principal inspiration, of course, I’ve heard her swearing before.”

“During training, we shouldn’t send our adversary to the infirmary SO!”

“Tell Momo.”

“I would, but she’s lying unconscious in a bed in the infirmary!”

“Aren’t you proud of how strong your girlfriend is?”

“I’m more concerned about your smirk now.”

“Which smirk?”

“The one that you’re making now, the same Bakugou shows when he looks at Midoriya.”

“I’ll take that as a compliment.”

-The moment you two finally tell him the truth he’s dumbfounded. He doesn’t know how to react, just stays there in silence as you two start quarreling about something trivial.

It dawns on him like a cold shower: this is going to be hell.

-He gives you The Talk where he explains that it’s not a problem for him until things don’t escalate and he won’t force the two of you to be friends. He also asks you to be honest but not exaggerated. The last part went unheard, the only thing you promise is to try and fight when he’s not present.

-He usually tries to divide his time wisely. He spends an afternoon or have lunch/coffee with Momo at least once or twice a week to not lose her friendship, but spend the rest of the time with you.

-However, during group hang-outs or parties he suffers. A lot. Sometimes he freezes the two of you when things escalate or picks you up and drags you away, while Mina or Jirou keep Moko down and try to calm her.

Unfortunately, he can’t freeze your tongues. He never knew that coldness and sharp witness could be that devastating without using a single curse, he’s partially impressed.

-It’s going to remain impressed in everyone’s memory the day Bakugou clapped during a particularly heated verbal fight between you and Momo and whistled an “I’m fucking impressed.” Todoroki slammed his head against the table.

-The only times he takes action seriously, it’s when you start feeling insecure or doubting his love for you. Saying that maybe he’d be better off with Momo. He accepts none of that crap. He makes you sit down, cups your cheeks and speaks in a calm, but firm voice.

“I’ve chosen you, not Momo. She’s a dear friend, yet you’re my only girlfriend and the only person I love with all my heart. This is something you should never doubt.”

His kisses afterward are very convincing.

-Everyone is surprised that in the end, he gets used to it. Freezing you both, dragging you away, placing a hand on your mouth, wrapping an arm around your waist to keep you calm…he’s unfazed, face blank as usual.

-He also gets resigned to the fact he’s going to be an accidental, innocent victim of the pranks you to make to each other. He’s going to never forget the day he drank the tea Momo had salted thinking it was yours.

He’s also very wary of doors and strange objects in the bed. Or unknown food/drinks. Or wrapped gifts. Or…well, practically everything unknown.

-The only days you establish a truce are Christmas and Todoroki’s birthday. They’re the most important occasions of the year and you have to join forces to make him happy. First thing is forcing him to celebrate with everyone and not getting stuck at home with Endeavour. Second, you accompany him to his mother (She’s known about the rivalry from the moment she met you and finds it incredibly funny). Third, you give him the hugs and warmth he deserves.

-You’ve learnt that when Todoroki clicks his tongue and frowns, he’s going to freeze you. So, suddenly you and Momo are all quiet and calm again, seated and enjoying the company.

-Bakugou cheers for you and Todoroki smacks his head every time he yells aloud to “beat her ass”. Obviously, this enrages the blond and in ten seconds you and Momo have to put your rivalry aside and avoid Bakugou and Todoroki destroy something.

-Rumors say that Todoroki has once asked Shinsou to use his Quirk to keep the two of you calm and peaceful for a day. Rumors also say actually Shinsou refused because he finds your arguments amusing. Someone dared to say he and Bakugou have bets going on.

-Aizawa once put the two of you training together so that you could vent and sort it all out. His mistake. He had to deactivate your quirks. Todoroki was slightly traumatized: he didn’t expect to feel such a blood-thirst coming from his favorite, petite girls.

-All the girls find this situation amusing and the force the two of you to behave during all-girls outings. You’ve soon discovered that an angry Uraraka is scarier than everybody else, even than Aizawa.

-Todoroki’s worst nightmare? The “Who’s right?” Question. Different people testify they have seen him fleeing from the window once.

[disneymoviethoughts]

Thoughts I had while watching Princess and the Frog

1. I can't believe it took eleven years to make another princess movie. 2. I love that Tiana and Charlotte are being read a fairy tale. 3. Especially because it's the Frog Prince. #foreshadowing 4. Definitely one of my favorite stories. 5. Tiana and Charlotte are definitely friendship goals. 

6. I cannot stop smiling at everything young Tiana does. She's adorable. 7. Her parents are so supportive but realistic but so encouraging and she's such a dreamer and I'm not crying you're crying. 8. If only the stars listened to my wishes then I would be in a relationship with Zac Efron. 9. Fun fact: Tiana has the most outfits, with nine changes throughout the film. 10. Dr. Facilier and his shadow are one of my favorite villains. 11. Tiana's friends are so rude to her. They all should aspire to be as hardworking as she is. 12. I've never wanted anything more than a stack of Tiana's beignets. 

13. "Almost There" is my favorite song in this movie. It's so inspiring. It almost makes me want to get off my couch and do something with my life. 14. Honestly I would be impressed by a magician too, Naveen. 15. Is there a creepier villain song than "Friends on the Other Side"? 16. I love his shadows. 17. This was such a good concept and location for a Disney movie. I love New Orleans and voodoo and the 20s and I'm obsessed. 18. I feel like a lot of people don't like Charlotte and while she is a tad dramatic she's entertaining and a really good friend to Tiana. 19. I love the parallels this movie has. It's just so clever. 20. I feel like at this point I would need to kiss a frog to find a guy. #foreveralone 21. Naveen cracks me up. 22. Fun fact: this is based on a book series, The Frog Princess, and I highly recommend checking it out if you love this movie. 23. The music in this is so much fun. 24. I think we can all agree that Lawrence is the worst. 

25. It bothers me that everyone seems to know who Dr. Facilier is but it seemed like he was unaware of Big Daddy and his riches even though he's apparently always in the paper. 26. Tiana not falling for Naveen right away is my favorite thing. 27. I'm confident that if I turned into a frog I would have been eaten by those alligators immediately. 28. "When We're Human" is a seriously catchy song and a lot of fun to sing. 29. I support your dream to be human and play jazz music, Louis. 30. Charlotte and Lawrence (as Naveen) make me so uncomfortable. He's so creepy. 31. Jeeze, Charlotte. I know you want to get married but planning a wedding in a few days flat does not seem like your style. 32. How does Louis know about any of these foods? 33. I would rather be eaten by an alligator than eat flies as a meal. 34. I love Jim Cummings and I love Ray and I want a pet firefly. 35. "Gonna Take You There" is a beautiful sequence with all the fireflies. 36. I think out of all the villains who have powers, I'd want to be able to talk to the other side the least. Those are things you do not mess with.

37. I don't know why, but for some reason, the three guys that try to capture Naveen and Tiana remind me of the crows from Dumbo? 38. For supposedly being a guy who parties a lot and generally takes the easy way out of everything, Naveen is surprisingly resourceful. 39. So earlier Tiana was able to understand Stella when she talked, which means that animals talk. But then Tiana talked to the frog capturers and they understood her, so shouldn't humans always be able to understand animals talking or is just because they're human? 40. I can't cook a frozen meal from Publix let alone make my own gumbo from ingredients I found in the forest. 41. If Ray loving Evangeline doesn't melt your soul, you have no heart. 42. Tiana and Naveen win the award for fastest Disney couple, falling in love in under a day. 43. I'm positive Peter Pan would really love to fight these shadows. 44. I need a wise Mama Odie in my life please. 45. I like that even though Tiana is such a hard worker, they also stress that work isn't everything and she needs a life as well. Balance is key, y'all. 46. I want to go on a river cruise. But only if Louis is there to play the trumpet for me. 47. Okay, under a day or not, I died when I saw that Naveen had a ring for Tiana. 

49. But I also love that Naveen loves her enough to let her dreams come first. 50. I also ALSO love that the star they've been wishing on this whole time was Evangeline. 51. I'm not sure how Tiana actually thought Charlotte was marrying Naveen when she a) knew there were two Naveens in the beginning and b) she's still a frog. 52. This is actually giving me major Ursula/Vanessa vibes but with a dude. 53. If you're not sobbing your eyes out when Dr. Facilier kills Ray, there is seriously something wrong with you. 54. Tiana has some will power, I probably would've taken Dr. Facilier's deal. Probably why I'm not a princess. 55. Dr. Facilier literally being dragged to the underworld is the most terrifying thing I've ever seen. 

56. Reason number 2827038 why I stay away from magic. 57. LOL Charlotte has no care in the world other than to have a prince. 58. I aspire to have those dreams. 59. But her trying to kiss Naveen even though she doesn't get anything out of it is the kind of friend I am. 60. Fun fact: this is the first time a princess' villain is actually shown killing someone.  61. Firefly funerals are beautiful. #ripray 62. And now I'm crying even harder because RAY IS A STAR NEXT TO EVANGELINE AND THIS IS SO BEAUTIFUL 

63. And now we know how Neverland was created. 64. I'm not gonna lie, when I first saw this, I was confused AF as to how they became human again. 65. But then they explained it so I'm good. 66. I literally never noticed Naveen's parents standing there. 67. Her frog wedding dress was much nicer than her human wedding dress IMO. 68. I really would love to eat at Tiana's Place.

[zeldaismyhomegirl]

Cat’s Masterlist of Recs Part 2

Another week, another long, long list of recs! I’ve discovered so many gems in the past couple of days and I can’t wait to share them with you so you can go and love them too ^.^

caidy:

Gold Plate (translated into English by amanuensis)- Then he adds, “We broke up yesterday.” Mila chokes on her coffee, and in a moment of childish cruelty, he smiles.“What?” she says, wincing. “Wait, yesterday?” Yuri shrugs. He thinks he should probably be sad, but he isn’t. Maybe because it was mostly his decision.“What happened?” “Nothing special. We had eleven great years.” He’d be lying to deny it, he thinks. “But we reached the end of our relationship,” he adds. “That’s all. We agreed it was time to end it.”

(I stumbled across this accidentally and have not stopped thinking about it since. Beautiful. So beautiful. I want this fic engraved onto my tombstone.)

@blownwish-blog :

Bizarre Love Triangle- Yuri Plisetsky met them both on his knees in the boys' room. One would stay, the other could not. America was one fucked up country.(The 80s high school au you didn't ask for.)

(I can’t believe I hadn’t read this before this week, but this has got to be the best damn Otapliroy I’ve ever read- so so good! The setting was incredible, the feelings, the details. Just incredible.)

magicalyoyo:

A Heart Beats At Night- A lone figure ran along the sidewalk. Otabek would have mistaken him for a motivated jogger, if not for the sinewy, fluid movements and familiar figure. He jerked his bike over, skidding to a halt in front of the runner.Otabek’s heart was pounding a sickening, dizzying rhythm, but he schooled his face into stoicism as he pulled his helmet off to get a better look.“Yuri Plisetsky died two years ago,” he growled. “What the hell are you?”

(I’ve been reading this for months now and after a certain development in today’s chapter just had to kinda shout about my love for it. It’s  paranormal au. I’m not gonna lie, that put me off reading it for MONTHS but PLEASE PLEASE don’t let this disaude you as althought it’s definitely a plot line, it’s not the cominating factor of the story, not by a long shot. It’s got angst, the most beautifully written plot and descriptions, love, affection. @ded-i-am-just-ded  I’m actually just gonna rec this to you straight up right here right now so you can cry with me because I’m sure you’ll love it like I do.)

@phaytesworld : 

Yuri!!! On Circus-  Yuri!!! on Circus! In this AU you will have Victor as an albino, Yuuri a contortionist, Yuri the cat boy, Otabek a giant mute, Georgi the Fortuneteller. The cast will all be acts with in the circus. We will follow as Leo has run away with the circus, different acts, troubles and just in general the circus life set in early 1900's.

Hung- Prompt - Imagine what the fandom would be like if Yuri was the one with 19 cm... I might have made him larger......

Sand and Salt- Summer romances are always the best. Guang Hong, local surfer kid at the beach falls for the lifeguard in town for the summer.

(She’s done it again. My eyes have been opened to the beauty of LeoJi, Hung Yuri and fucking fortune teller Georgi because YES I live for that. Phayte is a miracle worker with words and imagination- I can barely keep up with everything she writes, I honestly have no idea how she does it!)

@the-stoned-ranger

Only Losers Go To School- When Otabek Altin's employer discovers his diploma is fake, he loses his job as a pharmacist and enrolls in Detroit Community College. Forced to take an advanced-level French literature class taught by the deranged Monsieur Lee, Otabek starts a study group in order to impress his crush and makes the friends he never knew he wanted in the process.Yuri Plisetsky is the pint-sized art student with the brilliant wit and bad attitude who immediately captures Otabek's attention. Though Yuri rejects Otabek's advances at their first meeting, together they survive a French professor obsessed with ennui, a psychology professor fixated on sex, and study group shenanigans. As the semester progresses, Yuri and Otabek slowly draw closer. Are they really just friends, or could they be something more?

Eat Your Heart Out, Adonis- The year is 2021. The Beijing Winter Olympics are just around the corner, and Yuri Plisetsky is forced to take a break from skating in order to recover from an ankle injury. His friend Otabek comes to Russia to keep him company during his time off the ice. UST follows.

(I love me some good goddamn unresolved sexual tension and beautifully written smut! I would read anything they threw at me, I’m not going to lie- everything is just so well crafted and feels so realistic. I especially love in Only Losers the whole psychology paper and getting those little glimpses into the other characters and their sexual personalities- so so clever!!!!)

@onotherflights

Almaty’s Fire- They were like the lost boys, and of course Otabek was Peter. Yuri was fine with being Wendy if it meant he got to keep the thimble at the end of everything, when the sirens would be drowned out by the sounds of drums and the blue and red lights would flash something gorgeous against his skin.

Or; The lead singer is supposed to have a ton of groupies. Otabek only has the one.

Start of Everything-  He didn't realize someone could fall in love with their best friend, but watching Yuri light a sparkler and chase the other Yuuri around his own garden made something click. The way he threw his head back in laughter, his hair and his face equally lit in the golden twilight. It was just a little ache in his heart, something he hadn't felt before. It confused him, made him furrow his brows together.

Or; Otabek has tried really hard to be good enough for everyone in his life, but Yuri is easy to please.

(I’m so happy I stumbled back upon these works- I remember reading the first chapters of both way back before I even had an ao3 account (which isn’t even that long ago lol) and being absolutely blown away with how well they are written. Especially in Start of Everything- the way Beka’s feelings and anxieties are presented- gosh it felt so so real)

@doitforthefics :

The Law of Life- By nineteen Yuri Plisetsky thinks he's got his life figured out. He's one of Russia's top male skaters and will defend his title tooth and claw.Then Otabek, Yuri's best friend or boyfriend - he's not quite sure what the hell they are - hits him with an actual sledge hammer; he's leaving the ice to become a professional DJ.Yuri comes to realise then that he, in fact, has nothing figured out at all. With his support system screwed up, he finds himself sucked into a world where sincerity is superficial, and vindictiveness cuts twice as deep.

(I know there can be a lot of schtick with A/B/O but this one is amazing. There is undeniable sexual tension between Beka and Yuri in this that makes me want to scream, and the fact that there’s still so many chapters to come makes me so happy ^.*) 

JBankai89:

Lost in the Sound of Separation-  Following the Grand Prix Final in Barcelona, Yuri Plisetsky disappears. Only Otabek seems to be concerned about him, while his friends and family seem to care little about where he may have gone.Two years later, Otabek has moved from his home rink to one in a small college town in Québec, Canada, and a late-night stop at a nearby convenience store proves to be the small rocks that start an avalanche.Everything was about to change.

(Another A/B/O, albeit this one is much much darker, so please be aware of the tags. I love how this is from Beka’s point of view showing his struggles with Yuri’s absence, and then reappearance in his life.)

vivevoce:

what did you expect- At some point, Yuri makes the Best Decision/Worst Mistake of his young life in befriending the flaming trainwreck that is Otabek Altin. He can't quite bring himself to regret it, so he decides on enjoying the ride and Not Screwing Things Up.

(I love this so so much! I’m not sure what you’d classify this au under, neighbours? Friends to lovers? But again it focuses on Beka’s struggles with being an ignored only child, and how he deals with it. It’s definitely bittersweet and although it hasn’t been updated in a while, I highly recommend the read!)

@cashryley :

Prima’s Pleasures- Having almost everything he could possibly want, a very wealthy Otabek Altin decides to do something he's never done before: hire an escort.

(Okay this is so so good! The last update has left me on the edge of my seat because there’s so much developing between Beka and Yuri, there’s been shifts that I can’t wait to read more about! And Yuri as a protective cat mom with the tiger lillies made me smile like fucking crazy!)

Faylette:

This Man Is Mine- Yuri Plisetsky is over people thinking he's girly. At least, he thinks he's over it, until he sees people react to his relationship with Otabek Altin. But he'll keep telling himself he's over it. He can keep this up. Who cares what they think?Yuri. The answer is Yuri cares.

(this is one of the first fics I ever came across on ao3, back when the first chapter came out in Feb. I was hooked instantly. I think by now people know I’m a sucker for insecurites and this shows Yuri’s and how eventually he comes to terms with it so well. Plus, the smut is hot (; )

@ded-i-am-just-ded

Dead Air- You looked me in the eye and lied.

(Mind the tags again! But it looks like the angst off has begun (; If you want a guaranteed cry go and check this out!)

@theinsanefox : 

The Drabble Chronicles- A series of drabbles focused mainly on Otayuri, but could also eventually include other pairings from YOI

(There’s some light hearted fluff, there’s some angst that’ll make you cry, but my love’s drabbles are so good and will make you smile ^.*)

@aphhun : 

we just need a human touch-  What happens on a tour stop in Almaty will stay in Almaty. Well — probably.

“Give me your phone,” was the next thing out of his mouth, and Yuri found himself near squinting at the other.

 “What?”

“Your phone. I’m going to give you my number,” persisted the DJ, and if Yuri had been more devoted to getting drunk earlier on in the evening, he knew that he would have handed it over without a second thought or a question. Sober Yuri, however, was more rational and undoubtedly skeptical.

“You literally don’t even know my name."

(Oh my god, I love love love this DJ/Dancer AU so much. I just went back to reread it and I fell in love all over again!)

@aftgonice:

Not a random one-  He found that those fluffy and sweet fan fictions were starting not to be enough anymore. His feelings for Otabek weren’t of the innocent type, and while he was already used to fantasize about them, he’d gotten so used to actually reading that one day he just slipped. He found a pretty vanilla one, and promised himself that it would be enough. It was a one time thing, it had to be. It wasn’t.

(this is so creative, such a great format and an original idea! It’s fluffly as well as smutty- just perfect!)

Right, now I need to go back to planning chapter 11 of Just a Spark and actually writing chapter 3 of Summer On Your Skin. I said I was taking the weekend off, but there’s only so much binge watching of OITNB I can do before actually working on my own fics xD Have a lovely week everyone!

[dazais-guardian-angel]

Thoughts On Tales of Berseria

Soooooooo this is a very long overdue post (like a month late lol), but my health was in a meh state for a long time pretty much starting with when I first beat the game and technically still isn’t over yet but it’s bearable now so so that killed a lot of my motivation to do... much of anything, so here we are now. I also rewatched a good portion of the game while my friend was playing it for the first time and that helped me figure out my thoughts on it better (while talking with her about it).

I want to clarify that despite the... kind of negative tone of this analysis, I still really enjoyed Berseria. After all, it is a Tales game, and I love Tales, and there isn’t a single one I outright dislike. This also contains some spoilers for Tales of Zestiria, as the distant sequel to Berseria and a game that is very important to me as one of my favorite Tales so yeah, just a warning, I love Zestiria, and that’s gonna be prevalent here some.

Spoilers below. Also this is incredibly long, I am so sorry; if you read it all you deserve a medal, as usual:

This will mostly just be a collection of random points, not organized really in any particular way:

Burn is a badass opening. Fucking love it, and the animation with it; watched it every time, as expected.

I really enjoyed Berseria’s battle system; normally I’m not one to really scrutinize how good a gameplay system is or isn’t because I’m not actually good at playing lmao but I liked the soul system, and the break souls, and how you can do an epic chain of mystic artes together in a row <333 also Eizen’s dragon MA is just rude, okay.

The weapon upgrading system is so much easier and less confusing compared to Zestiria’s; thank fucking god

The cameo character side quest in this game is just... what the fuck, Bamco. not only did you use two of my least favorite characters in the entire Tales series, but you used them in the weirdest scenario ever. i’m so disturbed i want to... forget all of that... lol.

The soundtrack is okay, sadly not as standout as Zestiria’s but I expected that. :/ There are still a few amazing tracks though that I have listened to by themselves a lot; specifically Eizen’s theme, Rokurou’s theme, Shigure’s theme, all variations of Velvet’s theme (”True Will” is just UGH), Oscar’s theme okay so all the character themes lol, the Hellewes song I think, the song that plays in Palimedes Temple, “Time to Relax” (Titania Prison’s softer and more homey theme song), “The Last Word” (</3), the credits song, and the epilogue cutscene song ughhhh (my favorite).

Really wish there were more anime cutscenes. Feels like there were a few at the beginning and then..... literally none until almost the very end of the game; kinda disappointing.

I was really concerned when I first was told by somebody that most of the dialogue in the game is told through mandatory skits, but in the end it didn’t bother me as much as I expected it to. Still, I think they were overused a bit too much; I get that it’s easier but there’s only a limited number of expressions that the sprites can show, no matter how much movement they’re given, and the models can get across emotions specific to a certain situation much better, so I wish they would have utilized them more just for talking.

Voice acting is amazing, as usual. Cristina Vee did an INCREDIBLE job as Velvet, just wow, and I was also really impressed with Ray Chase as Artorius ughhh, so good. <3

I love Velvet’s outfit; no shame, sorry. also Eizen without his jacket is mmmmMMMMM

Berseria has really good writing, storywise. The plot is well-conceived and I love the themes behind it, the focus on the importance of family, and where it eventually leads to in the end. Lot of emotion with Velvet’s story with Phi, Laphicet, Artorius, (and Celica/Seres), and it really hits hard ugh. </3 So I really respect the game for the main underlying plot, the message it was trying to get across, how hopeful it is despite how frankly depressing the entirety of the game is, and for the parts that it did well, because those parts are incredible.

but

I’m sorry but there is a big but

My biggest problem with Berseria stems from the fact that aside from Velvet, Phi, and Eleanor, everyone else is... rather flat. Sort of related to that (but not entirely) is the fact that despite me liking almost everyone in the party to varying degrees, they honestly didn’t feel that close? I was told this game had a huge found family aspect to it, which is what I always expect and want from Tales, and I was especially anticipating it in this game with Velvet’s initial setup, and how excellently (and emotionally) that prologue was handled. But although by the end of the game, they do feel closer to each other in some ways, it takes an insane amount of time to get there, and even then, it’s not that strong except in certain skits. For a lot of the game it feels like half of the characters in this party have absolutely no reason to be traveling with this group, and although that can happen in Tales, usually by the middle of the game, and especially at the end, you know they definitely belong with the group, in your heart. But I just wasn’t feeling that here, and it doesn’t help that Rokurou is constantly rubbing in my face that he’s only here to repay his “debt”, and Magilou constantly reminding us that she absolutely couldn’t care less about anything we’re doing, making the feeling even worse. Eizen, too, has this issue, even though eventually he has a unbearably tragic motivating reason to follow them, but again, it comes so late. ...Ironically, I felt more of a found family vibe in the side characters and the party than I did within the party itself (Kamoana, (with Eleanor and Medissa), Dyle, Kurogane (with Rokurou), Percieval (with Phi kinda), and although I wholeheartedly enjoyed every moment of that... I also wanted it in the party more. And like I said, it is there SOME, and the moments that do happen are so sweet... but I just wanted and expected so much more from their dynamic. And the relationships within the party that exist as much as they do are split up into specific pairs and trios, which are Rokurou&Eizen, Rokurou&Phi&Eizen, Eleanor&Phi, Eleanor&Velvet, and of course, Velvet&Phi, and the latter vastly overwhelms the others by an enormous margin. Give me different match-ups; give me Velvet and Eizen having quiet talks as the group parents and two broken people who know what it’s like to lose, know what it’s like to care about family, and can relate to one another (the dialogue where she talks to him before the final battle and worries about his condition with the malevolence was just everything I ever wanted), give me Eizen and Eleanor, because she is so kind and changes so much throughout the game and so would be (and is) sympathetic towards him, like she is towards Rokurou, give me more blatant Eizen and Phi brotherly stuff okay just everyone with Eizen, give me more Velvet and Rokurou because I honestly adored their interactions in the very begnning, give me Phi trying to talk to Magilou and forcing her to break out of her comedic farce personality to try to find out why she is the way she is, just... give me more, game. ugh.

Getting back to how I said everyone who isn’t Velvet/Phi/Eleanor is pretty flat. Berseria has this weird thing about... no flashbacks being allowed, ever, unless they’re related to Velvet’s story and the immediate characters related to her. Honestly, if I had to summarize it, that’s what I’d say: this game is too Velvet-centric. Which, I mean, she’s a great character! And her story is amazing! ...But I play Tales for the entire party, and so the entire party should get focus as well, and the connections between them and the protagonist(s) should be balanced evenly. That’s not the case here. Soooooo many characters could use more depth in this game (sometimes even depth at all...), but the game chooses to adopt a “tell not show” method of giving it to them, and often far, far too late in the game, with absolutely no build-up to it, which... fails. Really hard; worse in some places than others. Older Tales games have a slew of side quests that do nothing but give further development to party members and side characters, but in Berseria, there’s only one side quest for each party member plus an important side character, and none of them have flashbacks at all if they involve a backstory. Party-wise, Rokurou and Magilou suffer the worst from this. I love Rokurou as a person, but honestly? I couldn’t tell you why I love him. He’s cool, and that’s about it. His story with his clan is so confusing because it’s barely expanded on at all, and the emotion that should be there with him and Shigure just... isn’t, because Rokurou himself isn’t emotional about it at all, so how can we feel anything? We just get a bunch of cryptic statements from him that we’re supposed to accept, and move on, just as the party moves on from it, confusedly. Shigure’s death made me feel a little because the scene itself was executed ha ha well, but it could have made me feel so much more. And then after that we get some info about their mom, which is all told to us in dialogue and nothing shown at all, and then it’s over. Magilou suffers from this even WORSE... like, I’m sorry, but I really just don’t care for Magilou. At all. I tried! I really did! And by the end of the game, I had gone from straight-up disliking her to just being neutral about her, at least! ....But the game literally just gave me zero reason to care about her, ever. She is nothing but the comic relief character for most of the game, her only role being to rudely butt in on the end of important conversations to add her own two cents (which usually amount to “haha look how much I don’t give a crap about any of this”) and messing with Phi. When they finally do start trying to show a darker side to her, when Melchior starts torturing her and taunting her, and then later when she asks Velvet what it feels like to hate, I... just can’t bring myself to care/try to figure out wth is going on? Because there’s been no build-up to it. She stays stagnant throughout the entirety of the game, unlike typical Tales characters of her type that are broken from their pasts and use cheerfulness to cover it up, that gradually show signs of becoming closer to the party throughout the game until there’s usually a Big Moment(tm) where they have to decide what they’re going to choose (see: Alvin, Zelos, Dezel, Jade minus the big moment, Raven, etc etc). The first scene I mentioned should be Magilou’s Big Moment(tm), but it doesn’t work because we’re suddenly getting this backstory hastily shoved in our faces all of a sudden, with absolutely no hints of it beforehand and thus no emotion at all from the scene. Instead it’s just confusing, not unlike Rokurou’s scenes I mentioned. Her backstory is cryptically shoved into side quest npc dialogue that you’ll absolutely miss if you’re not looking for it instead of in the main game, where it should be, and even what you get is barely anything, with no flashbacks to give you that emotion you really need for her. Magilou treats it casually, so, I treated it casually too. It’s not important to her, or the game, so I couldn’t care either. When she verbally takes down Melchior in Merchio later, I cheered, but that was literally the strongest emotions I ever felt towards her, and it didn’t have nearly the amount of oomph it should have because of everything I stated. Just. Why did they not handle her better; it makes me so sad, because she could have been AMAZING. I’ve never felt like a character belongs less in a Tales party than Magilou, tbh; she stood out so much and I just kept asking “why are you still here, again?”, and the party basically asks the same thing lol. Bienfu felt like he belonged more than she did... >.> Eizen in particular wounds me deeply because we’re already predisposed to care about him so much because of Zestiria (and lbr, Bamco knows everyone who is playing this has played Zestiria, so there’s no excuse), and so I so desperately wanted flashbacks of him and Edna. I can’t even begin to describe how much I wanted them *sobs* and the skits where he talks about her were perfect and beautiful and made my heart soar and yet break into a thousand pieces, but... I wanted them to go further with it. I wanted to see him get more emotional, and I understand that the way he is is just his personality, but like... this character is so crucial to one of the mains in Zestiria, and we love Edna and we know how important Eizen was to her, so I just wanted the game to treat him with so much more love because Zestiria frankly handled that subplot so terribly. *sighs* That being said, though, his relationship with Zaveid in Berseria is by far one of THE best done parts of the game (more on Zaveid later)... and the Aifread subplot literally destroyed me. Just. Destroyed. Yet another example of flashbacks I wanted, with the two of them (BAMCO I WOULD LITERALLY PAY YOU SO MUCH TO SEE AIFREAD AND BBY!EIZEN, DO YOU KNOW HOW MUCH I WOULD PAY *sobs*), but even still, it was done pretty well compared to other things, and I’m still crying over it. ;________; </3 <3 ...In the end, though, although I do really like Eizen (his nerd rambling speeches were just b l e s s, and the black humor with his curse omg poor baby; and of course HIS RELATIONSHIP WITH THE PIRATES WHICH IS THE BEST FAMILY IN THE GAME TBQH *tears*), I didn’t adore him as much as I assumed I would, and that sucks. :/ Eleanor is an amazing character, 10/10, and it’s kind of baffling how much focus she gets over the three mentioned above. Her side quest about her mother once again gets the obnoxious “tell not show” treatment, but it’s alleviated by the fact that she’s had so much development in the main story so it’s not as huge of a letdown (did I mention that regulating backstories to side quests, and not even well-executed ones, is a huge problem? :))) ). She’s so sweet and pure and I honestly just adore here ugh <3 unexpected favorite. Other characters in the game who suffer from the problem of not having flashbacks dedicated to them but then the game trying to make us care about them too late are again Shigure, Melchior only in the sense of in relation to his past with Magilou, and most importantly Teresa and Oscar. I love Oscar for shallow reasons, but neither of them are well-fleshed out, only getting a handful of backstory lines thrown in by Teresa right before her death and after Oscar’s, again, just telling it to us. Their relationship honestly creeped me out throughout the game, Teresa treating Oscar reallllllllly obsessively, but if we had gotten their past way ahead of time, we could understand them better even if she is still a bitch. Sadly, that’s not how it’s handled, and it’s a shame. Like I said, I sobbed got upset at Oscar’s death, but there was no justification for getting upset at all, really. Other than them, Artorius I would have liked to have gotten more scenes. His flashbacks near the end of the game were done beautifully (as was that entire segment period), but I wished that it didn’t take me that long to really feel for him, with how three-dimensional he was set up in the prologue. for those who have read the manga Akatsuki no Yona, I was expecting a Soo-won/Hak/Yona(/Il) vibe from the Artorius/Velvet/Laphicet trio because of how similar the setups were, kinda, and that wasn’t quite what I got, unfortunately More scenes on the legate side of things earlier in the game would have done him and the others a world of good, essentially. Also wished that he and Velvet had a little more to say to each other in the end, but that’s a nitpick really.

Tying in talk of Velvet’s character arc with something else: Berseria’s pacing. This game is oddly paced, if I’m being honest. I can pick out about probably ten specific big events that I remember, and everything else is rather foggy, for having just recently played it. The prologue and Velvet breaking out of prison starts the game off extremely strong, and then it feels like it hits a lull until the first confrontation with Artorius... and then there is a lonnnnnng lull until Innominat’s first appearance... and then suddenly everything is happening with absolutely no breaks until the end. Velvet’s character development matches this, as well; she stays pretty much the same for most of the game, with occasional flashes of ptsd (which are done perfectly, by the way) until Innominat’s reveal, and then her subsequent massive mental breakdown and rising up again to become someone who is still going to get revenge, but now she knows why she is, and why she needs to, and she’s happier for it. She’s definitely my favorite character in the game, and one of the best Tales protagonists out there imo, but I wish her development was more evenly distributed throughout the game, instead of nothing and then this HUGE moment where she honestly completely and utterly breaks down and shows how she truly feels and has felt about what happened to her, and then it sort of goes back to how it was before, albeit not entirely. That is the high point of the game, the best part of the game, for so many reasons, which is why I keep mentioning it; it’s done so well, and I don’t feel like anything after it even comes close to matching it, and I wish some parts did. Still love her, but her arc could have been better paced imo, and the flow of events in general (all the deaths that happen one after the other in the last fourth of the game (minus Artorius and Innominat) feel even more rushed because of the problems I stated earlier, and also this).

Phi’s a perfect pure angel cinnamon roll, his arc is amazing, and his relationship with Velvet is so touching; nothing else needs to be said. :’) <3 Although I will say I loved that he stood up to her about his identity; major props for them doing that, because it really needed to be said.

One last thing to end this on a positive note because I’ve spewed so much negativity ugh, and that is: I absolutely cannot even begin to describe how happy I am at all of the references to Tales of Zestiria in this game. Zestiria is one of my favorite Tales; it has major writing flaws, but I love almost all of the characters dearly, and even though some of them too could use some more depth, the party’s dynamic in that game is just done so well and makes me feel so good, gives me that warm Tales vibe that I just love so much (I won’t talk specifically about why I love Zestiria in this post lol, but basically what it comes down to is that it has heart, even though it has so many problems, and I respect it and love it for that, even though I acknowledge that it’s not that great). So when I heard that Berseria was a prequel to Zestiria, I was ecstatic. And it delivered to me, as a Zesty fan. Berseria may be a really long time before Zestiria, but all of the references, of which there are SO MANY, in npc dialogues and terminology and specific in-game events, are treated with so much care, obviously added in so purposefully and logically thought about how things that are considered normal in Zestiria’s time would be not quite developed all the way or have entirely different names in Berseria, and I just... I love that so much??? I loved standing in a town and getting a strange sense of deja vu, I was screaming when malevolence was mentioned and the truth about “daemonblight” was revealed, I was screaming about Edna and Eizen of course, I was screaming at “Artorius’ Throne” of course, I was screaming at Zaveid of course, I was screaming when the Shepherd was mentioned, when the Lord of Calamity was mentioned, and how they’re flip-flopped in roles from Zestiria (!!!!!), when the imperfect ARMATUS was introduced, oh my god, and when Phi became Maotelus at the end I was in tears, and got chills. Just... Zestiria didn’t do so well with its lore, and even though at the end of the day, Berseria’s existence can’t magically make Zestiria’s story writing and character writing better, it did add something to it, something special, something beautiful, something poignant, and for that, I am so happy. Zaveid in particular I have no words for; he was the single character I never have cared about in Zestiria, with how rude he is about a certain traumatic incident that happens right before he forcefully shoves himself into the party, and overall his type is just one I don’t care for. Then Berseria happened, and I adore him in Berseria. It honestly weirds me out and haunts me to realize and admit, but yes, he’s one of my favorite characters in this game, and by far one of the best written ones, and to see how different he is in this game compared to the other is just surreal, and chilling, and sad, and to play Zestiria from here on out knowing how and why he eventually becomes the way he does, after seeing how his beliefs used to be and seeing what he lost, and what his relationship with Eizen was like? I’m so upset, and fucked up, good GOD. ;______; All in all, I love Berseria purely because it made me love Zestiria even more, and whenever I play Zestiria from here on out I’ll never look at it the same way again, especially when Sorey sleeps with Maotelus in the end. </3 <3 and Zestiria the X and whatever the hell it was trying to do can go fuck itself lol >_______> Instead, can we just have something where Sorey learns all about the first Lord of Calamity and her gang from Zaveid? *cries* and about how Eizen was with them? BETTER YET, CAN WE HAVE MAOTELUS!PHI JUST TELLING SOREY EVERYTHING AND SOREY GETS SO EMOTIONAL OVER IT BECAUSE HE’S HIM; MY HEART

The ending. What the fuck, Bamco. My heart is in pieces, and then also you just... do that with the credits.... seriously WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF SATAN IDEA IS THAT

Despite all of my criticisms, which I promise I give out of love because I love this series so much, Berseria is still a really really good Tales. I don’t think it’s as godly as everyone is hyping it up to be, and definitely not Abyss tier (I don’t think the Tales series will ever create another Abyss, honestly, as sad as I am to say it) like some are saying, but still, it’s up there. I wish the party’s development and dynamic was handled better, and I wish the game wasn’t so damn insistent on never using flashbacks, and me not being attached to the party is why I didn’t like it as much as I thought I would, but the writing is very solid, and the parts that Berseria does well are godly. I’d probably give it a 7/10; it gave me a lot of feels though I wish more and now I’m just really depressed about everything. :’)))) and I can write fic about the characters I wanted more depth for if no one else will Final character ranking in terms of favorites would probably be Zaveid > Velvet > Phi > Eleanor > Rokurou > Eizen > Magilou

[godaddydave]

Digital Course Secrets by Kevin David.  Going Out with This Last Hoorah Before He Retires Forever?

Is this your last Chance to be mentored by one of the greatest geniuses of our time before he retires?

Kevin said that this is the LAST COURSE that He is going to create.  Doed this mean that he is retiring after a 24 month career with $10 million in the bank and over $1 million annual residual income?

Get his secret sauce in his LAST COURSE EVER - Digital Course Secrets

EXCLUSIVE | Free Training From Kevin David:

HOW TO TURN WHAT YOU ALREADY KNOW INTO INCOME USING A LOOPHOLE TO PROFIT FROM A "HIDDEN" $355-MILLION-DOLLAR-PER-DAY INDUSTRY!

...And NO, You Don't Have to be an Expert, Have a Business, or Have Any Experience Creating Digital Courses...

EXCLUSIVE FREE TRAINING WITH KEVIN DAVID:

Don't Leave Empty Handed...

Take This With You!

📷

Kevin David started completely broke working 80 hour weeks at his dead end job as an accountant. In one short year Kevin built a wildly profitable eCommerce business, bought his dream car, moved into his dream house and has since helped thousands and thousands of entrepreneurs create online businesses and passive income.

This FREE training class cuts right to the chase and reveals exactly how Kevin was able to start and grow his eCommerce business so quickly and how you can do the same starting RIGHT NOW!

Kevin has one of the best (if not the best) track records in this industry and has created hundreds and hundreds of success stories with his training.

Kevin usually charges $5,000 - $25,000 to work with clients but this training reveals the exact same methods to you for FREE! Register now before this is taken offline in the next few days.  

Take a look at this review from Jake Tran:

“holy s**t, this is WAY more in-depth than Dan Henry’s Sold Out Courses and any other course I’ve taken” — my first impression of this course.

Jake Tran

Apr 29

By the end of this post, which I can confidently say is the most in-depth and transparent review of Digital Course Secrets online, you’re gonna find out:

If DCS is worth nearly $2,000?!?!

Is Kevin David a scam or just another online guru trying to you a course? 🤔

Scam?…How it compares to other “how to build a course” courses like Dan Henry’s Sold Out Courses

Selling a course vs dropshipping, Amazon FBA, etc

My actual experience with the course

The results and the exact amount of money I’ve made 💸

And is it right for you, can YOU be successful at it

Oh yeah…

Unlike every other DCS video or article, I will actually admit that the links below are affiliate links.

I talk about passive income all the time on my channel and I would be hypocritical if I didn’t practice what I preached.

But like always, I will try to be as transparent and over deliver as much as possible.

So if you want to know for sure if you should invest 2k, make sure you read to the very end of this post. My name is Jake Tran and let’s get into it. 😊

Rather watch the video version of this review? Click play 😊

Selling a Digital Course vs. Dropshipping, Amazon FBA, Real Estate Investing or Flipping, etc.

too many choices…

Have you ever wondered

why there are SO MANY courses on dropshipping, digital marketing, Amazon FBA, real estate investing, stock trading, etc.?

And why all the popular entrepreneurs have a course? Tai Lopez, Grant Cardone, Tony Robbins, and even Kevin David himself.

Selling a course is way easier than actually doing what you teach.

Take real estate investing for example…

What it takes to invest in rental properties. You have to:

Look for months for the right deal

Get your offer through and get it under contract

Hopefully, it passes all your inspections and criteria

Put thousands down on a down payment for the mortgage

Put MORE money in for renovations doing the work yourself or dealing with contractors

And then FINALLY, you get to find the right tenants

And then HOPEFULLY, the property cash flows if you did your math right.

Compare all that work to just:

Taking the knowledge and experience you have investing in properties

Make a few videos

Wrap it up all nice into a course priced at $997

Sell a few copies, let’s say just 10.

And then BOOM.

You just made $10,000 ($9970 to be exact) with barely any money invested compared to actually doing what you teach.

Other killer benefits of a course:

No upfront capital

Infinitely scalable

No manufacturing

Low employee count

Everyone knows something people are willing to pay to learn

“But Jake, what if I don’t have anything to teach?” 😭

I felt the same way, here are some ideas to get your imagination rolling.

Dating,

playing an instrument,

learning math or some other subject

Or just doing interviews with successful people and putting that into a course (an easier way around it)

Or… How to be successful in the career you’re in right now

Maybe that’s a course on

how to be a successful accountant, psychologist, or

how to land a $40/hr Web Development Job At 19 Years Old With Little To No Experience And No Degree… 😉

You guessed it right…

The last example is mine and full transparency, what I’m working on doing right now.

I actually already have a product that I’ve been selling on my YouTube channel and even though it’s super simple and only cost like $9, I’ve made HUNDREDS of dollars off of it from a tiny channel.

Having something small like this to validate your course idea also happens to be an

important section in the course.

📷

But why Kevin David? Is he a scam? 😈

I’m not gonna spend too much time on this because Kevin David’s track record and student results speak for themselves.

He started as a corporate accountant to 8-figure ($10,000,000) entrepreneur with 450,000 subs and three major successful courses:

Shopify

Amazon FBA

Facebook Ads

So you’re learning from a guy that’s done this 3 times.

One cool note:

He admits most of his money and what he makes today is all from online courses.

So you’re actually learning what he’s putting all his time and money into today.

I help run his phone sales team which gives me the opportunity to work really closely with him and just from our interactions with him off camera, you can tell he just really cares about his students.

💖Things I LOVE about DCS 💖

It’s just super in-depth. I really appreciate that. More than most courses (and I’ve taken a ton lol)

There are honest estimations of how long each section should take to complete. Another cool addition not in many courses. It gives you a good baseline and realistic expectations.

It’s NOT just how to build a course — it goes over everything around building a course, and audience, and a movement (cheesy but true)

You get to leverage Kevin’s success and experiences

Monthly live Q&A

There’s a juicy refund policy      

The network you have access to

This one deserves its own section.

All the success stories Kevin mentions are in that private group you get access to.

We’re talking millionaires and multi-millionaires in the very same Facebook Group as you! 😲

Many people wonder how to befriend and get successful people into their network. One of the simple ways is to go where successful people hangout!

📷

❌Things I DON’T like about DCS ❌

A big part of the marketing emphasizes how anyone and everyone can launch a digital course movement.

Buttttttttttt, not really…

Here’s the thing. Kevin makes this sound super simple to do.

And with the resources in the course and the community, it IS simple to do.

But people often confuse simple with easy.

This is definitely not easy to do.

It takes a lot of work, planning, research, action, and time to build up an audience and launch a successful course.

My worry is that people will come into this thinking it’s way easier than it will be and waste 2k after they give up.

But from my perspective,

I’ve taken too many courses where they’re NOT enough info for me to be overwhelmed (and effective).

So I appreciate this, but fair warning.

What’s the verdict? 🤔

I believe this is the PERFECT course for someone who’s willing to go all in and has been itching to release a course.

Especially compared to the other options out there. (Sorry Dan Henry, I still love you.)

This NOT for someone who’s:

Looking to just dabble

Looking to JUST release a course

Make a quick buck (although you probably can, it won’t be sustainable)

And overall, if you want to build a true personal brand, help a lot of people, and get paid handsomely in the process, DCS is Jake Tran approved. 😉

📷

🔥 If this is you,

Check out the webinar

HERE.

👈

I highly recommend the webinar if you need more info, are still on the fence a bit, or if any of this stuff sounds remotely interesting to you — go check out the webinar.

The worst that can happen is that you end up learning something lol.

🚀 And if you’re like “I’m ready to go!”,you can sign up right away

HERE.

👈

Again, these are affiliate links and if you found this helpful, I’d really appreciate if you’d use them 😁

Hopefully, I’ll see you on the inside

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