#god I can't believe I wrote this

[headcanonenthusiast]

Alex Keller NSFW headcanons 

This was made with both masc and fem readers in mind. This man really has absolutely no content out there, so I'm here to provide for y'all 😎 Enjoy! (Also, sorry if this is a little dry. It's my first time posting headcanons 😔)

(I completely understand that this type of content is not everyone's cup of tea, and that's ok! But, please scroll and ignore if this type of content isn't your thing as opposed to leaving any sort of negative comments.) 

NSFW under the cut

-An absolute GOD at oral sex. He'll eat the pussy/suck dick as if he were famished

-Please smother him with your thighs when he eats you out/sucks you off. He'll be absolutely devastated if you don't. Doesn't care what your body type is, do it and he'll be happy for the rest of the week

"Fuckin smother me with those thighs, baby. What? No, no, don't you worry about me suffocating. If I do, then at least I'll die a happy man." 

-And if you look at him with any hint of unamusement, he'll chuckle and kiss your inner thigh. 

-Pays special attention to your clit/tip. He'll kiss at and slowly run his fingertips over it while complimenting your body. 

-"Look at this pretty little pussy/cock, baby. So adorable." 

-HEAVY on praise. Everything that falls from his mouth is either a moan or praise for you. 

-"Aw, fuck, dolly. You're taking me so well. Such a good girl/boy." 

-Prefers handjobs as opposed to head. Doesn't think you're bad at it or anything, just wants you to be able to respond to him when he talks.

-May not be big on head, but kiss his cock while your hands are wrapped around it and he might just cum right then and there. 

-Not very kinky at all, but he may have a bit of a breeding kink ngl..

-Mostly because he actually wants kids. Whether you can have them or not, he'll beg to fill you up. 

-Absolutely not a degrader. He'd feel way too bad. 

-If you really begged him, he might try degrading you, but that'll all melt away in five seconds as he gently kisses your face in apology, even if you're getting into it. 

"Oh, sunshine, I'm so sorry, I didn't mean it. Just don't think I could degrade someone so gorgeous/handsome." 

-Very vocal, but mostly with talking. He 100% talks you through it 

"Lift your leg up a little bit for me, baby. There we go, good girl/boy." 

-If you're insecure about your body in any way, he'll carefully run his fingertips over whatever's making you insecure while fingering/jerking you off in front of a mirror. 

-"Look at that amazing body, sweetheart. Takes me so well, makes me cum everytime..so beautiful/handsome. How could you hate a body like that, hm?" 

-"Hell you mean you're too chubby/skinny? You're the perfect size for me, darling." 

-Kisses and caresses any scars, stretchmarks, birthmarks or anything else on your body you may feel self-conscious about.

-If you space out at any point, or if he just wants your eyes on him, he'll click his tongue to snap you out of your thoughts. 

-Constantly asking if you're alright. If you ever start crying during the act, he'll stop in his tracks and fuss over you. 

"Oh God, are you okay? Did I hurt you, sunshine? Too rough?" 

-Then when you convince him that you were just crying because of how good he's fucking you, he sighs in relief and chuckles a little. 

"Silly girl/boy. Had me all scared for a sec." 

-Will leave hickeys on you and will let you do it to him, but always somewhere noone else will see. You're his precious dolly, afterall. Why would Alex ever embarass you over making those marks visible? 

-Besides, with the way he's got his arm snaked around your waist in public, everyone knows you're his 

-Leaves hickeys on your chest, thighs and stomach (will definitely leave more on your thighs/belly if you're chubbier.) 

-Tickles your neck with his facial hair on purpose and smirks when it makes you giggle. 

-Has a lighthearted mindset about sex. Not opposed to making jokes and giggling during, before or after the act. As long as you're both feeling good, he's happy.  

-Tells you that your pussy/dick/ass is the best in the world. Genuinely can't get enough of it. 

"Shit, baby. This fuckin' pussy/ass is gonna make me cum..you wanna make me cum, baby? Yeah? Keep riding me then..just like that." 

-Favorite positions are ones where you're on his lap. It feels so intimate and loving, the way he can feel your grip tighten on his shoulders and see every reaction you make as his cock smoothly fucks you. 

-Mostly quite gentle. Will go harder if you want, but he's very cautious not to hurt you at all. 

-Can easily be top or bottom. Just depends on his partner wants. If you're a top? He'll gladly let you do whatever you want. Bottom? He'll take care of all your needs and desires. Switch? He's happy to flip-flop around until you're happy. 

-Makes you use your words. Rarely does things without you begging for it beforehand. 

-"Come on, darling. You know you have to beg for what you want." 

-Honestly a bit of a teaser. He'll get a big smirk on his face when you just whine to get fucked instead of asking properly. Clicks his tongue and gives a super dramatic shake of his head 

-"Oh, baby doll. That's not how we ask for things. Speak up, love. Loud and clear." 

- Can't deny you for long, though. The moment you beg he's all over you. 

-Big on eye contact. Will turn your face towards him and give you his best puppy dog eyes until your eyes stay on him

-Your pleasure always comes first 

-4 inches soft, 6 inches hard and fat asf (lord have mercy 🙏🙏) 

-Aftercare is just as good as the sex. He'll run a warm bath/shower either you alone or the both of you and carefully wash whatever he can reach while sitting behind you. 

-"You did great, baby. You alright? Not sore, are ya?" "Good, good. My perfect princess/prince." 

-Then when you're both done washing up, you'd better drag your ass back to bed for one (or more) of the following: 

-#1: Cuddles

-#2: Movie/show marathon 

-#3: Round 2 >:) 

My first headcanons done! I'm sure y'all can tell that I'm an Alex girlie but honestly this man is so FINE 😫 how can I not be? I'll def make some SFW and Alex x chubby reader headcanons later, dw.

Let me know who I should do next! 

[fortes-fortuna-iogurtum]

I've been reading Exodus lately and I've just gotten to the portions where God gives the first commands to the people via Moses (twice), and then goes on to give detailed instructions about the tabernacle and how it should be built, and I'm just... we think art is unimportant?? we think things only mean as much as their functionality?? we so easily fall into the trap of believing that beauty means nothing, that it's cheap and only worth whatever mindless distraction it brings, that it's barely more than a cheap sensual thrill, that buildings should just be practical and plain and cheap, that everything should be functional but ultimately disposable, that paintings and dresses and mugs and curtains and carpets are just pretty but have no real value, that beauty is fleeting and vain and therefore shouldn't be thought about too much, if even looked for at all... we fall into these traps so easily, and we forget that there are chapters upon chapters of painstakingly detailed plans to build one portable worship tent, and those plans have been handed down through thousands of years of human history, because beauty and art and skill in craft is important

[onebizarrekai]

guys why does the tag look like this

[zukkaoru]

🌱 alive & free (look at me!) 🌱

The man is wrapped in a blanket that was likely white at one point but is now smeared with dirt and grass stains. His hair, too, is dirty. Like he’s been sleeping on the ground for more than just one night. Kenji tiptoes over to him. He rolls his shoulder, then kneels down beside the man and pokes him. “Um, sir, are you okay?” The man doesn’t respond. Kenji pokes him harder, putting a little extra strength into it with the help of his ability. The man rolls from his side over onto his stomach, groaning. Kenji breathes out a sigh of relief. That means he’s not dead, at least. “Are you—” he whistles. “Are you hurt?” “Twelve seconds,” the man responds, still facedown in the dirt. “Then, I’m going kill you.”

after the decay of angels incident, kenji makes a new friend and nikolai starts to heal

🌱 22.4k words || kenji & nikolai || post-doa arc 🌱 written for corey @that-was-anticlimactic <3

[shubaka]

I'M YELLING. I woke up and my brain immediately chose violence. It suddenly went "what if we write Filmania!Kim x BoC!Kim x Chay?" KhimhantKimChay, I guess. It's too early for this, brain. Why are you doing this to me???

Khimhant sees him waiting off to the side when the concert ends. He recognizes the face. Doe-like brown eyes framed by soft, slightly curled bangs. The face is slimmer than the last time he saw it, though. Khimhant gives the boy's body a once over. He's taller now, too.

Something itches under his skin, and before he knows it, he's crossing the room and sidling next to the boy.

"Phoenix's brother?" 

"Ah," the surprised yelp makes Khimhant’s blood thrum. "I'm sorry, what?" 

Khimhant’s grin widens, teeth on display. "You're Phoenix's brother," he repeats. "I remember seeing you sneak in to watch some of his fights a few years ago."

The sudden flush of red that creeps across the boy's cheeks is captivating. 

"Yeah," he laughs sheepishly. "I didn't expect anyone, let alone you, to know anything about that – or me."

Khimhant steps a little closer. "I have a good memory. I didn't know you were a Wik fan, though. I haven't seen you at any of his previous concerts. What's your name? Are you a new fan?"

Khimhant watches the red flush deepen. Interesting. 

"No! I – I've loved Wik since his early days! I just haven't been able to get tickets before! This is my first time. Um, My name is Porchay. " Arms flail about awkwardly, and Khimhant feels a little charmed despite himself. He knows Kim would be eating this up if he was here. "But you, uh, you can call me Chay."

"Well, I don't normally share, but," he steps forward again and feels the heat radiating off of the other's chest, and he tilts his head back, slowly, "would you like to come backstage and meet Wik?"

The sharp inhale and dilated pupils are enough of an answer for Khimhant. 

He reaches for Chay and wraps his fingers around a surprisingly strong wrist. He tugs Chay along with him in the direction of Kim's dressing room and says, casually, "This is my first time."

"What?"

Khimhant tosses a wide grin over his shoulder at Chay's confused stare. "Sharing my brother."

Chay stumbles and squeaks, and Khimhant suddenly feels the familiar weight of Kim's stare from across the room.

Oh, Khimhant has a good feeling about tonight.

[greenerteacups]

What do you think as Hermione's career would be post battle of Hogwarts? To me her being minister for magic really doesn't make sense. She does not have patience or tact to wade through murky waters of politics 😭😭

So hard to say! The Trio are so, so young when we leave them, I find it almost impossible to project their futures farther than a few years out. The job that suited me at 17 would be radically unsuited to me now. That's why of all the Trio, Ron's ending strikes me as the most realistic — he jumps straight into the save-the-world business again, burns out, realizes he's actually Done The Fuck Enough, Thanks, and pivots into a low-stress career where he gets to see his family a lot. Feels accurate! The others are weirder to me because they do seem to just... pick a lane and stay there.

With Hermione, you could spin her a couple ways. You could say that she leans into her bookish side and does research or teaching, which is not my preference for a couple reasons (namely, I don't think Hermione would like academia as a profession; she finds her classwork interesting and enjoys intellectual validation, but she'd be stifled and wasted in a DPhil program, and she'd be infuriated by the administrative politicking of your average higher-ed faculty). You could say that she gets disaffected with politics and ends up as a barrister or a lobbyist of some kind, but if anything that requires more political finesse, because you don't actually have institutional power, you're just handling the people who make decisions and trying to persuade them of your goals. This is not Hermione's preferred method of influence. She's not even particularly good at persuasion, she just happens to be smart enough (and right often enough) that people take her ideas seriously.

Or you could say her brashness fades with the years into a softened flavor of tell-you-like-it-is honesty, which some politicians actually do successfully trade on; as we see in British politics today, you don't have to be all that charming or clever to get ahead, you just need to be really driven and well-connected (which Hermione completely is; she fought shoulder-to-shoulder with the first postwar Minister and her bestie, the Literal Messiah, runs the Auror Office.) But I don't know if Hermione especially wants to be Minister, after the war. She's just watched years of horrendous bureaucratic incompetence plunge the country into a violent civil conflict. She's had not one, but two Ministers of Magic try to bully or shame her friends into complicity with fascism. Her view of government is... likely extremely dark.

But Hermione also isn't the kind of person who sees her life as a quest for happiness. Babygirl has a savior complex that makes Harry look selfish. (She basically kills her parents — yeah, obliviating is a form of murder, #changemymind — "for their own good," and justifies every batshit, vindictive, mean-spirited move she ever pulls on the grounds that it "helps" one of her friends.) She is a mean, lean, dragon-slaying machine, and she needs a dragon. After Voldemort, the Ministry is the no. 1 threat to muggle-borns and non-wizarding Beings. As a war heroine with basically infinite political capital, I'd be surprised if she didn't try to do something there. That said, Hermione is so vivacious and dynamic that she could potentially grow in a hundred different directions; it's possible that all of this, while true of her at 18, becomes completely inaccurate by 22. That's why I'm not too fussed about any particular fanon interpretation.

[lunarharp]

some illustrations/vibes from my uhh 29k memory trauma/disability focus orufrey fic, into the deep end.

[hereconduct]

that fanfic i read has actually ruined my life

[nyxronomicon]

I would love to see Barbatos with the lemon stealing whore prompt. He's the one who owns the lemon tree and will NOT tolerate and whores stealing his lemons (those are for his tea)

A/N: This is the worst thing I've ever written btw. You've been warned... (but like thank you for sending this in bc this was the prompt I wanted to do the most lol). But like damn the whole time I was like "am I really writing this? To share? Publicly?" ... Anyway. This is really bad. Sorry.

Part of my cheesy porno drabbles event (requests closed)

If you haven't seen the lemon stealing whore porno... I'm sorry.

Lemon tree owner!Barbatos x GN!MC x lemon stealing whore!Beel

🔞🔞🔞🔞🔞🔞🔞🔞🔞🔞🔞🔞🔞🔞🔞🔞

Tw: reading this will probably make your life worse, sexual content but not sexy in the slightest, crack smut, anal (Beel receiving), MC gets penetrated (anal or vaginal unspecified), spit as lube, reads like a shitty porno (pun intended), somewhat ooc bc I prioritized honoring the source material, dom!Barb / sub!Beel

I cannot emphasize this enough: DEAD DOVE DO NOT EAT

-

"I love our lemon tree." Barbatos sighed contentedly as you leaned against his shoulder. You sat on a bench under the tree, gazing into the gardens in front of you.

"It was so nice of Diavolo to let us plant it here." You smiled in the shade. There was a soft breeze that rustled the leaves. "I guess we couldn't collect insurance on it, though."

"As long as we have these delicious lemons for my tea, I don't mind." Barbatos had an arm wrapped around your shoulder, although it was warm out the two of you didn't get many opportunities to be together like this.

Neither of you noticed the presence behind you, the sounds of nature and your blissful chat drowned out the sound of their movements. Beel had climbed the fence around the castle gardens and was now raiding the lemon tree. He was wearing nothing but a yellow leotard, picking up lemons from the ground behind you before cautiously reaching for some from the tree.

As Beel picked the lemons, he dropped them into his leotard for later. His mouth watered but he resisted the urge to bite into one, knowing he might eat the whole tree if he got started.

"Have you heard about the lemon stealing whores?" You asked Barbatos, looking up at him.

"Yes, Diavolo warned me about them." Barbatos frowned. "I just hope that being on the castle grounds is deterrence enough... I would hate to have to punish one."

"How do you do that?" You tilted your head, hearing the rustling of leaves behind you. Beel had meanwhile continued to shove lemons into his leotard.

"They respond best to anal." Barbatos glanced at the rustle he heard behind him, devastated to see his worst fears come true. A lemon stealing whore, in the flesh.

"Hey! Those are our lemons!" He stood and pointed at Beel.

"A lemon stealing whore!" You stood as well, shocked to see him.

"What lemons?" Beel had a lemon in each hand which he promptly dropped. You could clearly see the lemons in his leotard, bulging unnaturally around his crotch and hips.

"Those are ours!" Barbatos stormed over to him, roughly pushing the lemons out of the leotard's leg holes. Despite Beel's strength, Barbatos' speed allowed him to swiftly pull his wrists together, preventing Beel from getting away. He sighed in frustration.

"Beel? I didn't know you were a lemon stealing whore." Barbatos hissed. "You know what the punishment is, right?" Beel's eyes widened before he looked at the ground, littered with his contraband lemons.

"Answer the question." You chimed in, hands on your hips.

"A-anal..." Beel stammered.

"Good." Barbatos smacked his ass before adjusting the crotch of his leotard out of the way, slowly trailing his fingers around Beel's hole.

"Anything I can help you with?" You asked, ready to jump in.

"Yes." Barbatos spit on his fingers, prepping Beel's ass for his cock. "Just hold him in place while I..." Barbatos slowly pushed a finger into him, making Beel whimper. You quickly grabbed onto his arms and he leaned against you, almost like he was here for the punishment and not the lemons.

Barbatos was a bit rough with Beel, pushing him (and you) to the bench you were previously sitting on. Beel ended up on top of you, with Barbatos right behind him as his ass was finally ready to take him. Barbatos slowly pushed himself into Beel and you watched as his expression twisted into one of pleasure.

You couldn't really focus on restraining Beel with him on top of you. Not only was he big and definitely in the advantageous position here, but he was nestled between your legs and you could feel the bulge his leotard strained to keep contained. Beel seemed to have no interest in getting away, moaning lightly as Barbatos began to fuck him.

Beel's cock rubbed against your clothed sex to Barbatos' rhythm, finally popping out of one of the leg holes of his leotard. You could feel his full length now, heat pulsing within you as you admitted to yourself that you wanted him inside you.

"You wanna cum, you whore?" Barbatos hissed into Beel's ear.

"Wanna feel... MC..." Beel whimpered into your neck. It was clear he was already close.

"You want MC?" Barbatos chuckled before tearing through your clothes. "Go ahead. We're going to fuck your little lemon stealing obsession into oblivion."

"Barbatos!" You gasped, feeling Beel's bare cock against your sex.

"It's the only way we can save him... And protect our lemon tree." Barbatos ran a hand along your cheek and pressed a kiss to your lips over Beel's shoulder before fucking into him harder.

Beel urgently pushed his cock into you, at the mercy of Barbatos' pace. He groaned, fucking into you as Barbatos fucked into him. Beel was huge, filling your hole completely as you felt him ram into you. Your walls were so tight around him he nearly came just from your heat.

"You ready to cum yet, lemon thief?" Barbatos hissed, increasing his pace.

"Y-yes, please!" Beel whined. As Beel started fucking you faster. You could feel your arousal reaching its peak as Beel's cock relentlessly pounded into you. Even though it was Beel fucking you, Barbatos' pace was unmistakeable. You moaned as pleasure flooded your sex.

You felt yourself tighten around him, a few thrusts away from cumming in the castle gardens.

"Not inside." Barbatos commanded, pulling Beel further from you until his cock slid out of you. Moments later, Beel came all over your stomach, writhing with pleasure as Barbatos continued to thrust into him.

Although you were disappointed that your pleasure was interrupted, Barbatos always made sure your needs were met.

"We're far from done here." He growled, smacking Beel again before allowing him to rest in you again, his cock already stiffening again between your thighs. "Not until you're begging to replace our damaged lemons."

[the-golden-mango-of-discord]

the worst crime this fandom ever committed was forgetting about the original lang ying. mxtx did not write an impoverished, grief-stricken man carrying his dead baby on his back for days just to find him a decent resting place, a man who acts as a tragic mirror to xie lian’s own wealth and the personification of the futility of his good intentions, a wholly sympathetic character who takes up the mantle of yong’an rebel general to take down the useless xianle royalty, a man whose motivations are so pure that in another story he would be the protagonist, who even after he assured yong’an’s victory and was established as king himself, never got what he wanted bc all he wanted was his dead wife and child back, who denied xie lian his unrighteous vengeance bc he was already dead and dying, only for the entirety of the tgcf fandom to never talk about him again

[banannabethchase]

Do Something Wicked to Me - also on AO3

~

Brandon accidentally gave Adam tentacles for a hand. Matt is more intrigued than he probably should be.

~

sighs The worst thing is I did this to myself, and it's my 100th Professional Wrestling fic! Wahoo! Bingo square N2: Tentacle fic, complete. Title from Moonlight Magic by Ashnikko. Happy Wanksgiving!!!

~

Yelling after Brandon is useless. They’re left here, panicking, and Matt doesn’t even know what to complain about first.

“What the eff,” Nick says, looking horrified. “You have an effing octopus hand.”

“Don’t be stupid, Nick,” Matt says, leaning in. “It’s not a…” He trails off as he looks closer. “God, those are weird.”

“Exactly,” Nick says. “Literal tentacles.”

“Not octopus, though,” Matt says. He frowns and wonders if he’s hallucinating or something. “They’re – different. And I thought the Barbie moment was creepy.”

Nick stands up and backs away. “I have no idea what’s happening here, but I’m going to go talk to Claudio. He’s the first person we know of to get the Malakai effect. Maybe he knows how to fix it.”

“Would have been great if Brandon had stayed here to fix it,” Adam calls after Nick, but it’s no use.

Other people start pouring into the café, and Matt shoves Adam’s tentacles – good lord – under his shirt sleeve.

“We need to get out of here before other people see,” Adam mutters. “I really don’t want anybody else to notice this…Thing on me.” He shakes his hand, and Matt almost has to giggle at the wet, slapping sound the tentacles make. “Oh my god!”

A tentacle pokes out and curls around, and suddenly Matt stares at Adam’s hand with the strangest boner of his life.

“It’s really hard to keep them under control,” Adam says, staring as the tentacles wiggle and squirm. “What the fuck is happening?”

“According to Nick, House of Black gave Claudio a magic dick, so…” Matt trails off. “I think the House of Black are trying to kill us, aren’t they?”

“Kill us?” Adam asks, holding up his tentacle hand. The two of them finally find their way into the EVP room in hopes that nobody would see the monstrosity growing out of the sleeve of Adam’s shirt. “This feels more like a distraction than a murder.” He wiggles the tentacles and the undulation is…intriguing. “What?” Adam asks stopping the tentacles from moving. “They freak you out?”

Matt tries to maintain a neutral expression, like he doesn’t care, but he fails. Adam gets a grin on his lips, one that usually promises a particular interesting night for Matt. It only makes it harder to keep a straight face.

Matt shakes his head, biting his lip as he starts to smile. “Nope,” he says, sitting across Adam’s lap. “Definitely not scared.”

Adam tilts his head to the side. “Seriously.”

Matt nods. “Look, you get access to weird porn on planes, okay?”

“Sorry, you’ve seen tentacle porn?” Adam asks. He tickles the tentacles on Matt’s face, and it sends a thrill of heat through Matt’s body. “You thinkin’ about them inside you?”

Matt feels himself burning pink. “Never used to,” he mutters. “Not until – not until they’re yours.”

He thinks he can see Adam’s eyes darken. “Oh, they’re okay when they’re mine?” He murmurs. Matt shivers again as the tentacles slide down Matt’s neck and into his hair. “That’s all they gotta be?”

Matt nods, trying to decide if he wants to get closer to or farther from the tentacles. He leans into them, on impulse, and sighs.

“This is so surreal,” Adam says, eyes on where the tentacles play with the hem of Matt’s shirt. “I know they’re my hand, because they’re part of me,” he adds, almost more to himself, “but they’re so different.”

Matt turns his head and presses a kiss to the side of the tentacle. He almost laughs – it feels squishy but lithe under his lips, intentional and solid. “This is so weird.”

“It is,” Adam says, sounding almost reverent. “Like – I know you’re kissing a part of me.” Matt does it again, and he can feel Adam watching him. “I know it. But, looking at it.” Matt leans in and kisses Adam’s tentacle again. “It’s so fuckin’ weird.”

Matt licks his lips. “Can I try something?”

“Go for it,” Adam says, a little breathless.

Matt leans in and takes the tentacle in his mouth. He locks eyes on Adam.

“Oh, my god,” Adam says slowly. “That feels so different from – fingers, I can feel your mouth, Matt.” He rolls his shoulders. “Not like when you suck my dick, but close.” He exhales slowly, and Matt swirls his tongue around the tip of the tentacle. They’re smooth with little sticky suckers on the bottom that only seem to truly stick when Adam makes them. Matt grins around it.

“Yeah?” Matt asks. “I have an idea. Hold on.” He leans in and tries to take the tentacle down his throat, but it doesn’t work. He tries again, mouth and tongue working, but the tentacle is too soft. “Alright, well. We’ll have to stick to me shoving your dick down my throat, I guess.”

Adam laughs, but it’s tight in the back of his throat. Matt knows what that means. “Yeah,” Adam manages. He licks his lips. “Get over here.”

“First, I have to – hold on.” Matt almost fall off the couch as he reaches for his bag.

“Yeah,” Adam says. He reaches out his human hand to grab the lube and makes a weird little face. “This is gonna be weird.”

“I’m good with weird,” Matt says. He throws his legs over Adam’s hips and leans in, kissing him like he means it. “What are you thinking, weird wise?” Matt has what he wants it to be, but he won’t push. “I’ve said weird more in the past few minutes than I have in the past few months.”

Adam grins. “I figured,” he says slowly, “that I could, um.” He trails the tentacles across the top of Matt’s pants waistband.

“You want to – I guess finger me is the wrong word, since they’re tentacles. Tentacle me?” Matt frowns. “You know what? Forget talking. Get in me and let’s see how this goes.”

Adam beams at him, and the two of them get their clothes off in record time.

“Hold on,” Matt says, standing up. He checks to lock the door. “Couldn’t risk somebody walking in.”

“Look at you, being responsible or whatever the fuck,” Adam sighs. “Come on. I have an idea. Lay down.”

Matt flops on his back on the couch and looks up at Adam, who is staring down at him. “Uh. Adam?”

“Right,” Adam says, shaking his head. “Shut up.”

“I didn’t say anything!” Matt laughs. Adam throws one of Matt’s legs over the arm of the couch and angles him so the other dangles to the floor. It feels exposed, open, and Matt is all about it.

“Come on,” Matt says, and it’s getting difficult to ignore how hard he is.

Adam dances the tentacles down Matt’s abs, to his hips, to the insides of his thighs. With a raise of eyebrows, Adam silently asks permission, and Matt nods emphatically.

Two tentacles curl around Matt’s cock, and it’s enough to make him squeak.

“You good?” Adam asks.

Matt nods. “They’re, god, I’m saying it again, weird. Like, they’re not dicks, but that’s the only comparison I have.” He rolls his hips up, the suckers on the tentacles gripping his dick. “Oh, this is so – I don’t even know the words.”

“Good, though?” Adam asks, dribbling lube on the tentacles.

Matt nods. “Great.”

The tentacles leave his cock, which is less than ideal, but suddenly Adam is probing at the rim of his hole and he’s back on board.

“Go,” Matt hisses. “Please, I need to – please?”

“I will,” Adam promises. “I just have to figure out – okay!” The tip of the tentacle slips into Matt. “Hey, it worked!”

Matt’s too busy losing his mind to answer. Something about the way the tentacle moves is the exact kind of pressure he craves.

“Keep going,” Matt pants. “Oh my – Adam, I can’t even explain how this feels.”

Adam nods and slides the tentacle in further. There’s less resistance than he’d get with a finger or a dick, but the tentacle wiggles and thickens and –

“God, that was fun to hear,” Adam laughs. “Moan like that much more and other people will hear us.”

“Don’t care,” Matt says. He’s panting. “Do – more. Keep doing that thickening thing. Strange but good.”

“Oh, something stranger than getting my tentacles in you?” Adam asks, but he does something with the tentacle that makes Matt’s eyes roll. “Oh, you liked that, didn’t you?”

Matt nods, his eyes squeezed shut. “They – they change size. They get thicker.”

“Yeah,” Adam says, and he slips in another tentacle next to the first one. “I know.”

Matt writhes. Adam’s fingers have always fit him perfectly, filled him almost as good as Adam’s cock, but this is incredible. The tentacles swell and pull as Adam fucks two gently, like he’s trying to be careful.

“Good?” Adam asks, and Matt opens his eyes to see Adam looking down, almost concerned.

“This is the coolest thing – oh!” Matt bucks away from the feeling but chases it back almost immediately. “Oh, right there.”

“Yeah?” Adam asks. He flexes a tentacle and it undulates over and over again against Matt’s prostate, sending wave after wave of intensity through his body. “Fuck, baby, you look so good. Does it feel great?”

“B-better than great,” Matt whimpers. “Don’t stop, please, I’m almost –” But he comes, pulsing shifts inside of his body along with the tentacle as his orgasm comes dry. He’s still achingly hard, but now the tentacle feels like it’s pressing on an open nerve as it wiggles.

“Adam,” he pleads, and he feels empty for a moment when Adam takes out his tentacle hand. Adam kisses Matt as he gains his breath back. “God, that – I –” He takes a shuddering breath as Adam pulls back. His tentacle hand is still, but Matt just wants it back in him. “The whole thing.”

“What?” Adam asks, blinking.

“I wanna – all of them,” Matt begs. “Please, I want to try.”

Adam looks at his hand, then at Matt, then back at his hand. “Are you sure?”

Matt nods. “I want –” The words get stuck in his throat, but Matt makes himself say it. “I want you to stuff me full of them.”

Adam exhales so long that Matt begins to wonder if he went too far. “Well, shit, baby,” Adam finally says, sounding a little breathless. “You want me to fill you up, all you gotta do is ask.”

Matt moves so he’s bent over the arm of the chair. “You want my whole, uh, hand?” Adam asks. “Wait. That’s – not quite right.”

Matt giggles. “First time with tentacle dirty talk?”

“Fuck off,” Adam laughs, “you know it is.” He clears his throat. “You want all five of my tentacles in your ass?” he asks, voice lower than Matt’s used to. “You want me to fuck you with all of ‘em at once?”

“Yeah,” Matt says. He wiggles his ass, trying to get the focus back where he wants it. “All of them at once.”

Adam uses his human hand to grip Matt’s hip, then slides a tentacle inside of Matt. He blushes a little with how easy it was, how quickly the tentacle slid inside him. “Good?” Adam murmurs.

“Yeah,” Matt says. “You – you can go for another one.”

“Yeah, I already know you can take two,” Adam says. Matt feels the second tentacle move in beside the first, pulsing against each other to stretch him. He hums, rolling his hips so the tips of the tentacles explore inside of him.

“More,” Matt says. “Come on, I know I can take them.”

“Of course you can,” Adam says, but it sounds almost pandering. Matt whines as the third tentacle makes its way inside him. “Wish you could see, Matt. This is wild.”

“Yeah?” Matt says. He exhales a couple times to encourage the tentacles higher. He almost loses his balance when they start thrusting. “Holy – Adam, what are you doing?”

“That working for you?” Adam asks. “I figured out how to move them differently. It’s super different without bones.” He dances the tip of another tentacle around the rim of Matt’s hole. “Want another one?”

“Yes,” Matt hisses, and he almost doesn’t notice it slip inside of him as the other tentacles continue fucking him.

“Jesus.” Adam sounds impressed, almost, and Matt could be smug about it, if he tried. “I – you sure you can take the last one?”

“Yes, Adam, they’re tentacles,” Matt says, and realizes it’s the most bizarre sentence he’s ever said. “Plus, I’m pretty sure your cock is bigger than all of them combined.”

Adam laughs. “That’s both sweet and objectively wrong.” He leans down to kiss Matt’s back at the base of his spine, then slowly, so effing slowly, works the fifth tentacle in. They are so much more interesting than fingers, is what Matt’s realizing. They’re all the same length and sprout from the same general area, so it really is like a devastatingly thick dick inside him with multiple moving parts. He exhales so slowly he thinks time will stop by the time he’s done, but then he rolls his hips and – and he’s ascending to a different plane.

“All of your – your whole hand – the tentacles.” Matt can’t figure out what he’s trying to say, couldn’t tell anybody if they asked him, but he moves just enough to feel the tentacles undulate. He whines, slumping over the couch. “Adam,” he whimpers. “Oh, please f-fuck me.”

“With – the tentacles?” Adam asks. He moves the tentacles in a thrusting motion that almost sends Matt into tears. “Jesus, not used to you cursing. This must be good.”

“Anything,” Matt says, “god, anything, just do it.” He doesn’t even have the frame of mind to think about what he’s asking for, just grips the couch cushions and pushes back.

“Got an idea,” Adam mutters. “Matt, I’m gonna take them out, for just a second, okay?”

“Okay,” Matt pants. He makes a strange, pained noise he’s not familiar with from the back of his throat when he finds himself empty and clenching on nothing. Then a familiar cock nudges at him and slides in.

“Huh,” he muses. “Okay.”

“Don’t sound so excited,” Adam grumbles. “I have a –”

They both gasp at the same time. Adam’s snaked a tentacle inside of Matt next to his cock, then curled two around to wrap around Matt’s dick.

“Oh!” Matt squeaks. “Oh, Adam, okay.” He rocks between the two mind-numbing sensations. “This is – I’m going to –”

“Same here, baby,” Adam grunts, and Matt can feel that he’s being careful, that he’s taking his time.

“I – I want to,” Matt says, and he can’t say anything else before he comes harder than he has before in his life, streaking the locker room couch and making a giant mess. He clenches down on the tentacle and Adam’s dick and feels Adam fill him with come, and the feeling of being claimed is stronger in this moment than it ever has been before. The tentacle strokes at the inside of him as Adam pulls out, curls around his hole until he’s so oversensitive he’s about to cry.

Adam slumps over Matt’s back, and Matt feels almost miserable at the emptiness. But the power of an orgasm so good his mind melted overtakes the negativity. “Oh, my god,” Adam murmurs into Matt’s back.

“That,” Matt says, “that was incredible. I can’t think. I’m brain dead.” He falls onto his stomach on the couch, not even caring that he’s laying in a pool of his own come, with Adam splayed across his back. “Can we keep the tentacles?”

Adam snorts. “Babe, I can guarantee, this is a one time thing. I’m getting rid of these things as soon as possible.”

Matt sighs. “I guess, but it won’t be the same.” He shuffles, ignoring the mess. “I might have to add something to my Christmas wish list.”

“I bet you will,” Adam says. “Come on, let’s go take a shower.” He reaches out a hand and Matt takes it, letting Adam pull him to standing. “Oh, that couch is toast.”

Matt wrinkles his noise. “Oops.”

“We’ll hit it with some soap or something,” Adam decides. “Or just, like, flip the cushions.”

“Both could work,” Matt decides.

They shower quickly as they can with three quarters of the hands they usually have. Matt giggles as Adam keeps dropping things in the tentacle hand.

“You’re being a dick, you know that?” Adam says, curling some of the tentacles around the back of Matt’s neck. Matt shivers. “I may be permanently disfigured because of Brandon, and you’re laughing at me.”

Matt shrugs. “I’ll panic when we know there’s something to panic about. There’s every chance we’re dreaming and I’m gonna wake up with a brand new kink I’ll make you participate in.”

Adam kisses his forehead. “You should know by now that I go for pretty much anything you want to try at least once.”

Matt flashes back to the box full of their toys in their closet. “Yeah, you have a point there.”

When they’ve finally gotten themselves and the cushion presentably clean, Matt texts Brandon to demand some sort of explanation.

“Nothing,” Matt says, frowning. “You think Brandon’s okay?”

His own concern is mirrored on Adam’s face. “If he’s messing with the House of Black? No way.”

The two of them watch as Adam’s tentacles flex and wiggle. Based on Adam’s expression, he’s not making them do that.

“Yeah, I need this gone,” Adam decides. “We need to find Brandon.”

Matt would find it funny how Adam has to keep yanking his sleeves down over his tentacle hand as they run into people repeatedly in the venue, if it wasn’t so nerve wracking. He’s relatively impressed with how Adam’s keeping it together. He, on the other hand, can’t stop thinking about how he would want to keep those tentacles around if they weren’t so inconvenient.

They make their way down the hallways of the venue, trying to remember the direction they’ve come from. Matt texts Brandon again with no response.

“He should show himself or at least text back soon,” Matt says. “What are we going to do, throw open every door until we find him? He shouldn’t have even run away from us.” He starts getting annoyed again. “Who does he think he is, turning me into a Barbie and turning your hand into a tentacle?” He’s about to really get going when someone turns the other corner.

“Brandon!” Matt yells.

“Oh, good,” Brandon says, rolling his eyes. “Matt’s here, too.”

“You turned him into tentacle boy,” Matt says. “Fix him.”

“I can’t –”

“Then take us to someone who can!”

“I did not have control over what kinds of tentacles I accidentally cursed him with!” Brandon yells. “I just went for the first tentacles I thought about!”

“Hold on,” Adam says, holding up his normal hand, then showing Brandon the wiggling mass of tentacles that are decidedly not octopus. “Are you telling me the only tentacles you’ve seen are in porn?!”

Brandon turns red. “Look, that’s not – I just don’t think of octopus tentacles, or jellyfish.” He stomps on the floor. “Let me take you to locker room five. Malakai’s in there. I think he can help. But you have to knock first.”

“He sure as effing hell better be able to help,” Matt continues, storming down the hallway. “Adam’s hand got all effed up – ”

“I think the word is transmogrified,” Adam interrupts.

“By magic,” Matt says like Adam didn’t speak, folding his arms over his chest, “that we didn’t even know existed, and we should just be polite and knock? No. No way.”

“You have to knock!” Brandon says, chasing after them. Matt hopes he trips. “They’re trying to fix all of this, but losing magic like that is apparently, like a really big deal. Malakai was all possessed by this creepy static guy. He seemed pretty pissed. ”

“Is he gonna get in trouble?” Adam asks. He flexes the human hand again. Matt suddenly wonders if, when they fix it, the human hand will keep the touch memory of everything the tentacles did. He blushes. “He should. He let his minions or whatever use magic on people who didn’t consent to it.”

“Don’t – you really don’t want to mess with this stuff,” Brandon pleads, but now Matt’s curious. “Knock before you open.”

“Come on, Brandon,” he says, rolling his eyes. “It can’t be that bad.” Matt yanks open the door and is immediately struck with bright. “What the hell?”

“Oh, no,” Brandon moans.

The brightness, colors and light Matt can’t quite understand, soars out around them and knocks the three of them to the floor.

The man pulls himself up on the floor, tugging at the ends of his hair. A least, he thinks he’s a man. He looks around, down at the handsome guy at his feet, with curly blonde hair and pretty eyes.

“Hi,” he says, fluttering his lashes down. “What’s your name?”

~

Mini playlist: Eyes Roll - (G)I-DLE Animals - Maroon 5 Unholy - Hey Violet Moonlight Magic - Ashnikko

Bonus points to anyone who catches the Calvin and Hobbes reference :)

[cherry-treelane]

Three boys, jeering, examining all four of us girls. They look at me. They grin and say that without a doubt, I "rank the highest"— as if I am an object, a shiny car, a celluloid aphrodisical, designed to be judged. They say that I am the best-looking. My father's voice interrupts the stream of my self-critical inner monologue to cackle in opposition. I open my mouth to defend my girlfriends, yet all of them nod in agreement and chime in, saying that they completely agree. None of them contradict the boys. None of them seem offended. The shock tears into my insides. You're all blind, I want to say, blind and foolish.

Wake up, I scream

You don't see what lies beneath these clothes of mine,

What swims beneath my skin (The beating yet broken heart, the dysfunctional organs, the to-hell-and-back-and-hell-again spine, the either too full or too empty stomach)

You don't know me.

you don't know that im not beautiful at all. not really.

I whisper to my friend, claim that they wouldn't say that if they saw my body. She insists that my body is beautiful and slim and enviable, and all I can think is that, my mother said the same thing when I wasn't eating so do you want me sadder? My father wants me happier— regardless of whether its real or not. He doesn't care either way. I think he'd prefer if it was fake.

A plate of food in front of me.

Eat it, my father says

Spit it out, my mother says

They disagree. They turn on eachother. They fight. The cacophony clouds my ears.

When it is over, when they're done, I tuck them both into their separate beds and listen to their troubles regarding the other. When I tell them about my own grievances, both of them fall asleep. I leave and clean the broken glass on the floor with my bare hands, ignoring the blood that protests at this, and tuck myself into bed with tears down my face, staining my pillow and mixing with the red.

You tell me I'm the most beautiful you've seen and when I oppose you beg me to tell you why

I shrug my shoulders, I don't know what to say (I'll give away too much if I do)

You should meet my father, he'll tell you if you give him all day and all night

After all, I was raised to be this way. Raised to believe every other girl was more pleasing to the eye than I. Raised to believe I should always look to them for inspiration, that I'd never be the inspiration myself.

[yoakkemae]

@avaere said:

for while they have been here before , frame against frame , skin is far from as bare this time as the bookman has insisted on the aid of the swordsman within his room, kanda's back guided against the front of lavi's body the second they reunite away from prying eyes of finders. banter would fade, hushed by pleads and demands offered in the shape of hungering lips and greedy, longing hands. comrade, friend, passing moment. it mattered little to the redhead whose hands allowed themselves to explore kanda once again, hold him tightly in what could only be seen as blind attraction. closer, warmer. with their bodies place together firmly, one hand would soon be grazing the middle of kanda's waist (he had missed him), the other moving dark locks away so lips can can bridge the distance further (he had yearned for him), warm as they laid themselves against the nape of kanda's neck (had wanted him). they have been here before, long ago, a clash of loneliness and pursuit that occasionally reach an unavoidable peak; no words. there isn't need for any, for eager fingers reserves themselves the right to communicate for the bookman there they slide away cloth to meet with skin, soft stomach and lining of uniform trousers he knows all too well. in such grasp, lavi willingly forgets where they are and where they stand in the chaotic world raging on outside the inn they have sought refuge in for the night. such demands could wait till morning, as it would carry on regardless, but they could not. who knew when such chance would rise again? one more kiss, firmer, pressed against the side of kanda's throat with a hushed breath; warm, soft, a moment of peace). he would follow it up with a subtle tug at the button of kanda's trousers, voice lowered with a faint suggestion; "... would you have me again, yû ? just for tonight...?"

his frame is rigid when lavi pulls kanda flush against his body -- often times , kanda has no idea which lavi he's going to get. the cheerful , annoying mask that hides away the bookman's keen intellect and otherwise serious nature ; the observer who tries to ferret out kanda's hoarded secrets ; or the man underneath , desperate for a connection that he is no longer allowed to make. based on the redhead's movements , the way his hands and lips roam , it is the man , and kanda can handle him much better. ( and , perhaps only to himself , admit that he could call that lavi a friend. ).

when the realisation is made , kanda's frame relaxes. perhaps unlike him , but kanda is passive when lavi desires such explorations. he has long since realised that he doesn't need touch the way that lavi reaches to him for at times ( wonders if that was something the scientists controlled when they made him. after all , no need for a weapon with a libido , right ? ). it doesn't disgust him , either , and after the first few times , kanda has even liked it. but he feels that this connection has always been more for lavi than it is for him.

( quite honestly , kanda has always preferred sparring more , especially when lavi doesn't hold back. ).

kanda narrows his eyes in concentration as he reaches out with his aura. there are no akuma and no noah in the vicinity of the inn , just the normal hustle and bustle that comes from being the only inn within fifteen miles. it's quieter now , this late at night , and the only people he can sense walking around are the finders skating the edge of the perimeter of the inn and the owner , still in the kitchen. everyone else's aura has become dimmer in sleep.

another kiss on his neck breaks his concentration , along with a tug on the button on the pants of his uniform. " would you have me again , yū ? just for tonight ? "

he adjusts so that he can reach a hand behind him to feel at the bulge he could feel growing against the cleft of his ass. there's more amusement than he'd like in his response of , ' " just for tonight " ? unlike you to ask only for that. '

[bardengarde]

Nooooo Bard, don't develop an attachment to Mike Farrells one-off Bonanza character and try to go on a deep dive into his military service to figure out what the hell happened to him to try that caused him to be the way he was in the one (1) episode he was in, ur so sexy aha

[greyias]

My scene skeleton/expanded outlines for this fic are starting to get a bit out of hand.

Actual, written first drafts of the first two chapters:

Me pre-writing the next three chapters:

[belindarimbi13]

Vampire x Priest AU anyone? 👀