Tumgik
#god i feel like killing myself
6-2-aestheticsofhate · 6 months
Text
What's the fucking point
#god i feel like killing myself#just existing is a fucking struggle#whats the point of it#moving into an apartment was supposed to help and it did i fucking guess but i am so drained from trying to survive these past few months#fuck i could hardly bring myself to get out of bed today#i could hardly bring myself to eat#small things keep fucking building up and fuck. fuck. im so fucking tired#im gonna be honest i dont know how much fight i have left in me#i tried so fucking long#i begged and pleaded online for help with just. fucking anything. i was fucking homeless and people rbed my post but i hardly got anything#i feel like my art sucks and its not even good enough for people to pity commission me when i was fucking homeless#i know people did commission me. or donate. and i really appreciate it#but the sheer fact i was open about being homeless and had a whopping... two people either comm or donate me#and id make posts talking about how/why the shelter i was staying at was bad for me#and barely anyone helped#ive spent the past few months being insulted by other people at shelters.#having my fucking abusers show up at one of them#and constantly had people downplay my sadness and mental health issues or physical health issues#even though im not homeless anymore its like theres deep scarring from the fucking. whole goddamn experience#im in so much pain#i keep crying#i cant focus#i can hardly function#ive only eaten one meal today and its 7pm now#i dont think im gonna make it.#personal#vent
3 notes · View notes
kaijuqgle · 1 year
Text
Tumblr media
7K notes · View notes
skitskatdacat63 · 7 months
Text
Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media
2023 Qatar Grand Prix - Sprint - Oscar Piastri
492 notes · View notes
liauditore · 8 months
Text
cw// implied character death, double life nonsense
Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media
because you are love itself.
554 notes · View notes
phantom-z0ne · 3 months
Text
Serendipity
"Billy wasn't sure what the creature ransacking his train car was.” Alternatively, Billy feeds a stray and ends up with a roommate.
WC: 1215
Serendipity (n): the occurrence and development of events by chance in a happy or beneficial way.
──── ∘°❉°∘ ────
Billy wasn't sure what the creature ransacking his train car was. Granted, the train car wasn't in the most hidden place ever, but he had made sure to ward it against most creatures. The ward would have made one unable to see the train, and if they somehow saw it anyways, they would have been turned around. He usually was pinged if anything passed his wards, which was why he was so blindsided to see something moving around in his train car. It seemed that this one had slipped through his protections. 
The creature was strange and almost hard to look at directly. Its blinding white hair moved independent from the wind and twined around its long, pointed, mint colored ears. It was also small, small enough that Billy thought it could comfortably fit into his cupped hands, and wearing some sort of skin tight suit, black with a stripe of silver along its torso. Or what appeared to be its torso, Billy couldn't really tell when its lower body faded into a long tail.
From his perspective, it seemed to be rummaging through where he usually hides his food, showing slivers of its white paws. Did it pass through the barriers he set because it was hungry? 
Billy approached the creature quietly, making sure not to get too close, he wouldn't want to startle it. His efforts were in vain though as the creature snapped its head towards him. It's glowing eyes like headlights, as if staring into Billy’s soul. The green in its eyes swirling hypnotically as the creature bristled at his presence. 
Billy watched, amused but vigilant, as the creature puffed up like a cat. Even going so far as to swat a couple times in his direction. So far, it was quite harmless, but the buzzing in the back of his head that he usually equated to Solomon told him to be careful.
Billy slowly dropped to his knees, mindful of the creature's reaction, and shifted his bag to his front. He shuffled through his bag and brought out the small piece of jerky he was saving for later, sliding it slowly towards the creature.
The creature tilted its head, staring at the jerky suspiciously before taking a few steps to paw at it. It apparently passed its test as it devoured the jerky surprisingly fast for its small size. While it seemed to be starving, thankfully it didn't reflect onto its body. It wasn't gaunt or thin, but actually quite plump. Perhaps it just didn't eat for a day or two? 
Billy took a small step forward, then a few more when he realized the creature was focused on eating. “So,” He began softly, the creature startling as if it was just realizing he was so close. “What are you doing here, little guy?”
It stared at him silently before once again tilting its head. It was cute, Billy realized. The chubby cheeks and button nose paired with big, shiny eyes made it endearing to look at. His expression melted slightly as he took a closer look at the creature.
The creature's ear flicked as it padded up to him, paws on Billy’s knees. It let out an unintelligible sound, layered and harsh to Billy's ear, yet somehow melodious. Billy blinked, not expecting that noise. The creature looked at him almost expectantly, eyes shining brightly.
Billy hesitantly brought his knuckles closer to the creature, feeling its cold nose as it sniffed him. It was clearly unimpressed and trilled for more food. Billy chuckled under his breath as he brought another piece of jerky to the needy creature. It gobbled it up swiftly, looking up at him and once again begging for more, its eyes almost sparkling.
Billy folded under the cuteness overload and retrieved a sandwich from his bag, splitting it in half. He was worried that it would eat more than it could handle if he kept feeding it. He knew very well what that felt like.
The creature blinked at him, once, twice, before giving him a small, pleasant trill and headbutted his fingers. Billy cautiously set his hand over its silky hair? Fur? All he knew was that it felt divine, though not in the godly way. 
“What are you?” Billy asked as he wove his fingers through its hair, genuinely curious on what species the creature was. He had inputted a lot of creatures in his ward but he had no clue what this one was. The tingling at the back of his head spoke otherwise, Solomon knowing very well what it was. He could transform and ask Solomon, since he couldn't really speak to him unless he was Captain Marvel, but that would just scare the creature.
It gave him a look before resuming its lunch, finishing it in record time. Apparently, it deigned him worthy of its presence on his lap as it kneaded his legs then curled up onto them. The purring surprised him, pausing when the creature gave him an impatient look when he halted his ministrations on its hair.
He resumed, of course. Why wouldn't he? It was a nice reprieve from fighting villains as Captain Marvel and watching out for himself when he was on the streets. It was just a quiet moment between him and the strange creature that broke into his home. 
…He hadn't realized how lonely he was before this. 
He had friends, of course. Freddy, Tawky Tawny, and the Justice League. But… this just wasn't the same. As good as a friend Freddy was, he doubted that he would be willing to just sit and enjoy each other's company silently. Freddy was a huge superhero fan and couldn't help but talk about them in excitement. Not to mention his analyses on Billy’s techniques as Captain Marvel.
The Justice League wasn't any better. They had a professional relationship, thinking of him more as a coworker than a friend. The times he tried to deepen their friendship by inviting them out, he was unfortunately turned down. It seemed that they got along better when they were in battle than not.
Billy usually went to Tawky Tawny for advice, but Tawky Tawny never turned down the opportunity to just spend time in the other’s company. Unfortunately, those times were far and few between, usually because Tawky Tawny was traveling or busy with something else. 
With this creature— he’d have to name it eventually, Billy thought absently—all that was expected of him was companionship, nothing more.
Billy felt a cool paw pat his face, the creature looking up at him concerned. His eyes widened before he let out a huff, ruffling its hair. The creature let out a disgruntled chuff and phased through his hands then batted at them, settling down once more on his lap once it was done. 
It hadn't been with him long, all he had done was give it some food, and it was already trying to comfort him. Admittedly, it wasn't the best comfort, it stopped once he focused on it, but it wasn't something he expected from a creature he met not an hour ago.
Billy smiled, eyes soft. Perhaps it could stay, if only for a while.
──── ∘°❉°∘ ────
Whipped this up in a couple hours while trying to get out of my funk 
Thanks for reading!!
──── ∘°❉°∘ ────
Ao3
175 notes · View notes
Text
do you think that what the doctor usually feels for companions, rather than romantic or sexual attraction, might just be idolisation?
#just thinknig abt how 13 calls river 'on eof the best people ive ever known'#which might just be her echoing yazs words bc that seems to be the only way she knows how to communicate#but it's also like the most open i can think of the doctor ever being wrt how they feel abt river#and thinking of 10 in the satan pit going i dont believe in god i believe in rose instead#and how much of an influence rose had on the doctor#maybe its less the companion does a doctor arc and more the doctor and the companion will inevitably grow toward each other#clara and the doctor matched in specific ways that just like maybe amplified them#they didnt like balance out they become More Them#did everything the way the other wouldve done who wouldve done it the way they wouldve done#feedback loop#13 mightve worried for the same with yaz honestly#they wouldve become something very different to 12 and clara i think but no less powerful#terrifying in different ways#maybe less 'i'll kill the world to get you back' and more 'i'll kill myself to get you back'#more inward-focused in that part of it while more outward focused in the like adventure parts#Helping People rather than 12claras adrenaline junkie adventure seeking#not that thasmin arent also adrenaline junkie adventure seeking and 12clara dont want to help#just like a slightly shifted focus#i think thasmin want to feel....important. useful. helpful. more than 12clara. i think 12clara are just looking for a good time in each oth#rs company more#but idk#anyway do you think the doctor idolised yaz back as much as yaz idolised her?#DO you think yaz idolised her?#i have a really hard time getting int he doctors head abt companions. like how they feel abt them Really#but like. idolisation would be a really fun one to add into 13s head i think#what if she wants to impress yaz just as much as yaz wants to impress her oh my god#('tell me youre impressed')
163 notes · View notes
cuubism · 1 year
Note
No questions. I'm just attempting to kill a man or two by pulling this out of my sleeve >:)
Tumblr media Tumblr media
hoooooolllly fucking shit, mayhem you absolute madlad
i don't even know what to say about this. i'm stunned into silence. i'm shook. i'm just staring at it. this is so much to cope with on a tuesday afternoon
@magnusbae come get yeeted off a cliff
252 notes · View notes
Text
ok no im so tired but ive had this Thing a Laughingstock Concept Thing in my Brain for Days Now and its.... basically what if Barnaby adopted a lil caterpillar. like it's not sapient or anything its literally A Wriggly Puppet Prop. but he finds it in his home and it reminds him of Howdy and he keeps it. he carries it everywhere. he treats it so tenderly and names it and everything. his delusional smitten subconscious is like "omg... mine & howdy's <3" he and Howdy are not even together at this point
so Barnaby cares for this lil caterpillar and Howdy ends up getting attached as well, because he's on the same shit as Barnaby. and eventually the lil caterpillar pupates, and they watch over the chrysalis So Excited to see what lil wormie will look like as a butterfly. and it emerges and they're so proud and weirdly emotional. the butterfly takes off on its first flight and lands on a flower patch
just in time for Eddie to trip and fall on the patch, instantly crushing it And the butterfly
#in my mind eddie is all 'oh man :( thank goodness frank wasnt around to see that' and then goes about his business#completely missing howdy & barnaby watching on In Horror off to the side#not lil wormie... no....#also in my mind lil wormie looks like the fuckn. Adorable worm from sesame street#oscars little friend i think? the cutest little thing in the world? the little red wormie? yeah....#but im feeling very Tender about bigass dog barnaby toting around this teensie weensie lil worm thing#treating it with utmost care and affection#big characters caring for absolutely tiny thing kills me every fucking time#bury me shallow... ill be back to die again....#absolutely unprompted#laughingstock#ohhhh my god im not even gonna say how i almost butchered the laughingstock tag#sometimes i type letters in the wrong order or add an extra one. that would have been so unfortunate but Deeply Hilarious#ANYWAY LIL WORMIE IS AN ESTABLISHED THING IN MY MIND AND I DONT KNOW WHY#maybe... maybe tomorrow i will scribble it...#also to be clear the events of this post all happen within a week or two.#it is a brief shining Worm Time#ok going to bed now officially. im going#wait no i have to complain about something ive done to myself hold on#so i really like reeses puffs cereal yeah? but the problem is it cuts up my mouth to hell and back and makes eating anything a Pain#tried to eat sauerkraut tonight... it burned... the roof of my mouth is so scraped up...#i Will be eating another bowl when i wake up tho. its too tasty. i can take the annoyance that is minor pain. i have a high tolerance <3#can i easily Not eat it? yeah. but i dont want to stop. nothing will stop me. its a jumbo box. i Will Finish It.#anyway wormie <3 gonna go think about her <3
87 notes · View notes
girlyteengirl16 · 4 months
Text
i’ve never hated anyone more than i hate myself
44 notes · View notes
camellcat · 3 months
Text
WTFFF I thought thirteen would be my new girl crush love of my life heart eyes wife you-came-after-twelve-you-must-be-better-than-they're-all-saying bbygirl and then I had to sit down and watch as she told a man who (if he were not a murderer, of course) literally every regeneration before her would've LOVED and FULLY SUPPORTED that "the systems aren't the problem. how people use and exploit the system, that's the problem. people like you" </33333 !?!?
#WHERE IS THAT POST THAT SAID NINE WOULD KILL THIRTEEN FOR BEING A CLASS TRAITOR#WHY WOULD YOU SAY “ERODE PEOPLE'S TRUST IN AUTOMATION” ALL WORRIED AND CONCERNED LIKE THAT???#WHEN DID YOU START LIKING AUTOMATION OVER PEOPLE THINKING AND DOING THINGS FOR THEMSELVES???#AND WHY ARE YOU TRAVELING WITH A COPPER??? WE HATE COPPERS??????#did we FORGET into the dalek?? how about how he treated danny?? god there's so much more I can't even remember off the top of my head#(I understand soldiers are different from cops but c'mon don't even PRETEND twelve would've been any nicer if blue or danny were just COPS)#also a bit off topic bUT MAY I JUST TALK ABOUT ARACHNIDS IN THE UK FOR HALF A GODAMNED SECOND—#I know the companions are usually the ones to do the doctor's dirty work here but like#I just can't see the other doctors NOT having the business man lure the spider for being so fuckin annoying about it#like I was genuinely surprised when they had him do that whole song and dance about not doing it and then he actually just. didn't do it#the doctor LOVES fucking with evil rich business men this is PERFECT. plus why not get back at him for being awful to their companions?#absolutely gobsmacked thirteen let him act like that. I am wrong in thinking that the others would've shut his shit down a LOT quicker??#anyways. I love jodie whittaker and it's just so upsetting to have her doctor do something so wildly off#THIRTEEN PLEASE I HAD SUCH FAITH IN YOUUU I WAS IGNORING THE HATERS AND FOR WHAT#I can SEE the other doctors in her still I can FEEL them they're there she's doing an AMAZING job but. oh my god. what did they make her do#I can't even say she feels ooc as a whole because jodie is bloody brilliant. it's just these... moments. that don't make ANY sense to me...#especially coming off of twelve?? I get the radical personality switch but that belief is a core part of the doctor. or at least I THOUGHT#thirteenth doctor#doctor who#I still love all of you who love her and reading ur posts/fics but I. will not be making any myself. I do not think.
29 notes · View notes
smile-files · 5 months
Text
just a kind word for all of you lovely folks out there: if you say the r-slur or you don't call out your friends for saying it then i hate your guts :)
36 notes · View notes
prussianmemes · 4 months
Text
you should kill yourself if you spend 12 minutes sorting around your notes on your desk, making sure they look messy but also the prettiest ones are on top, posing your textbook open and having the most "academia" looking web page or lecture slides on your laptop screen before taking a picture and posting it on your social media story while quietly scrolling through songs to put with it.
#every time exam season comes around#people do this religiously#i hate it profusely it's so incredibly vain and pointless#you're like the people who go to the library for an epic study day and set up your big environment#only to sit on your phone for 5 hours#have the humility to be honest about your study habits and what works and what doesn't#i feel like its a form of cognitive dissonance this type of stuff and a form of lying to themselves#which is the one person you should always be brutally honest to#txt#i plan ahead and give myself so much extra time because i know my time efficiency is dogshit and i compensate for that#i try to avoid talking to other people about studying and i try to insulate myself when i am#of course for med school it's impossible not to talk about it as your classmates will bring it up in every third conversation#which opens the pandora's box of listening to other people talk about it which is atrocious as all people ever take away from it is#'oh my god everyone is doing so much more i'm so behind'#which isn't true everyone is in their own variation of hell just slightly different#i try to block it out completely when i can#med students have this annoying tendency to group themselves into these circles of self feeding despair and nervousness#i mean all of med insta is full of dogshit memes like this of the same 'le epic med stress' memes#kill yourselves you people are self fulfilling prophecies#josef lada ice these fools#to chce klid#as the man said#a taky trošku sebevědomí#and also not listening or giving a fuck what anyone else is doing#každý ma svůj systém a svůj styl#and have a life outside of this as well
26 notes · View notes
coldlikethestars · 6 months
Text
Tumblr media Tumblr media
i am once again thinking about this. this guy has a wife!! he has been married for fifteen years at this point. but he thinks about his best friend that he hasn't seen in years having a romance with a woman DECADES ago and he just. spirals. this has to be fitz's most obvious and pathetic moment of jealousy i swear!!
36 notes · View notes
skitskatdacat63 · 6 months
Text
Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media
2023 United States Grand Prix - Sprint - Fernando Alonso
107 notes · View notes
itspileofgoodthings · 4 months
Text
also I had a breakthrough today that I had in fact overthought a Specific Problem to Death and that I had created a monster in my own mind and that’s why it felt like I was being eaten alive every time I tried to solve it.
#not to put too fine a point on it but that’s what happened with the whole is Maria going to become a nun question tbh#and I needed a counselor to say to me objectively and yet also crucially without any knowledge of me or my past:#you have overthought this and now you’re terrified of it#anyway it’s so obvious but it came home to me today. slowly.#like it was just like. Oh. You did it again#you’re terrified of this because you have thought of every possibility and every outcome and every twist and turn and shadow—-#until it has become a bloated demon in your mind that is totally separated from reality#while made up of real facts and details! and tbh I know it’s a common problem#but the anxiety chokehold I can put myself in is something that is so impressive and so disturbing#I can render myself absolutely helpless through the meanderings of my own thoughts#and what makes it worse—immeasurably worse—is that I get OUT of problems through careful thought and analysis#I’m programmed that way#so I can’t escape it by the usual means. I have to back away from the monster and see it and NAME it and then it can die away.#and only THEN can I apply my usual ways of going about things. I don’t know it just all clicked today#these past few days have just been bringing it all to a fever pitch for me#anyway I guess it’s also important to me that I still be allowed to be analytical about it!!! I have to use my brain!!!!!!!#in my desperation I have tried to shut it off to feel only with my heart. To try to catch the whisper of God’s voice in the wind#but tbh I am meant to use the gifts I have! But only in the right context#and that’s only after the demon has been killed or more accurately —deflated#my counselor has been so good about this tbh. she’s so matter of fact and blunt and salt of the earth and also she sees how my mind works#and wants me to be able to use it!!#so I’m just going to tell her that I did the bad thing with this other problem and can she help me find a way forward#ANYWAY THE MONSTERS TURNED OUT TO BE JUST TREES
25 notes · View notes
riverspond · 4 months
Text
death in heaven is sooo sick like both of them lying to each other bc it’s what they think the other needs
20 notes · View notes