#god we're friends for years and you just decided to drop me because you weren't interested in my life anymore? in my stories?

[joyful-soul-collector]

Woke up this morning to a text from my oldest, closest online friend who'd ghosted me a few months ago telling me they'd been cruel to ghost and ignore me like that, but that our friendship had long run it's course, and we were too different now. They said talking to me felt like a chore and wasn't enjoyable anymore. They hope the rest of my life goes well, and they enjoyed the times we had together, but it's time that they left. Then they blocked me on everything, so I can't even say goodbye back.

Idk who needs to hear this but just because you're different people now, doesn't mean you can never speak to each other again. I would've been perfectly happy to catch up with them once or twice a year, or even less than that. I would've sent them my book since they'd been there encouraging me ever since I started writing it. I would've met up with them when I finally got the chance to go to England, and I would've been able to give them the painting I made for their birthday in person. I would've read their books when they published them, I would've loved to just have been able to be casual old friends, even though we're not what we used to be because that's just what happens in life.

Ghosting me and blocking me on everything doesn't make things better. It just made it so the end of our friendship was permanent, and that reconnecting again isn't possible anymore.

What a frustrating way to throw out 4 years of friendship

[mulderscully]

okay whatever i'm high and oversharing, so i am once again thinking about whether closure is something worth pursuing with my ex best friend.

brief summary. ex bestie was always prettier and more popular than me. she is a huge extrovert while i'm an introvert, you know the deal whatever. so somehow we're best friends in 6th grade. like idk in a few months i would've walked over hot coals for this girl. did i have a gay crush on her? i truly do not know. i think abt is constantly and i have no idea! but her love and approval was like... i NEEDED it.

then after a while she would get annoyed with me and drop me as a friend entirely. for months. no contact, nothing. then she'd tell people i was up her ass etc while we weren't friends.

then, she'd come back. she'd start talking to me like nothing happened and i'd come crawling back to her with open arms every damn time.

this went on for YEARS. months of promises to be maids of honor and friends til we die and sleepovers and laughing til we couldn't breathe. then she'd drop me. suddenly and entirely. this went on til the summer my mom died sophmore year.

those last 3 months my mom was alive we were not talking because she was mad at me for god knows what knowing my mom is ACTIVELY DYING. then the night my mom died she was the first person i called and she just immediately knew and RAN over to my house for like the first time ever. and she stayed with me all night and we became friends again.

then she never dropped me again. she went off to college and i stayed at home working and she'd call me every night, she'd come visit me, i would visit her. FOR FOUR YEARS. the longest we ever went.

then she went to grad school in miami and i cried the entire day she moved bc i knew she would never come back. this was her dream and she got it. and she asked me to come with her. for free. i said no, okay. i said no.

then we stopped talking. not a dropped thing just. she got a girlfriend and a busy job and it was just natural. but it hurt to call her and feel like i didn't know this person anymore, esp with how our friendship started and i started getting freaked out tbh.

so one december. i think 2018? i can't even remember! she comes to visit for christmas. we make plans for dinner and i made reservations and like. i'm literally at the restaurant when she texts me that she can't come bc she's too exhausted. and i just immediately started crying and left and decided i would never talk to her again.

and i only really believed that when i checked insta that night and she was out partying instead of with me.

and i was like i'm never talking to her again.

and i never have.

she texts me. says happy birthday. tells me she misses me.

but... i can't talk to her now. because i miss her so much and i hate her so much and i hate that she doesn't even KNOW i'm mad and i'm mad because i feel like she SHOULD KNOW. she should be sorry for EVERYTHING and she just is completely unaware and i don't know if that's unfair or not.

she invited me to her 30th bash in miami this december and i'm like so you still know i exist. what am i to you? did i ever matter to you as you did to me? why did you walk all over me and why did i LET you?

i just so badly want to ask her these things and still never talk to her. but i know... idk she makes me weak in a way i can't even explain to myself so idk if closure is possible or worth pursuing. but if i truly never talk to her again, it'll plague me til the end of my days that i didn't try? god i don't know.

broken hearts on christmas are 0/10 bc it comes back every year

[arofulboyfriend]

on the future

When I was in my last semester of my associates, one of the classes I had to take was either public speaking or communications. I chose communications because fuck talking to the public.

It was a fun class, and my professor is great, and we still hang out and get lunch together a lot, even though I graduated in 2022 and will be going back to a different college soon.

But something in our textbook has, as dramatic as it may seem, almost haunted me ever since I read it.

It said that once a couple gets married and decides to have children or otherwise fully integrate their lives together, that they are statistically nearly guaranteed to steadily drop their single, non-partnered, not child-rearing friends, and only make friends with other married parents.

And... reading that made me sad. I have no desire to get married even if it's a platonic marriage of convenience, and I will never, ever, have children. But I don't want to live alone, even if one day I do finish my doctorates and get a job that pays me more than enough to do so, because I'm a social, cuddly person. And it didn't make me just sad, it basically confirmed in confident, scientific terms that my worst fear of ending up sad and alone and unsupported were going to come true.

You see, my aroace journey has not been a fun one. I've rushed into relationships romantic and sexual, had sex I hated, dated people I didn't like, and even now am in a relationship I'm not truly ecstatic about, just agreed cause she wanted to label me her boyfriend to feel comfortable things I'd 100% do platonically given half a chance. (She's a great friend and I adore her and she's aware I don't feel romantic feelings towards her, our relationship is fine, it's just not a thing I went into with that goal in mind, if that makes sense.)

All because I have a really deep seated and hard to shake fear of abandonment.

There are many reasons for it, but nearly all my friends from childhood and primary school, of which there weren't a lot to begin with, haven't just faded away or grown apart, they've, from my perspective, deserted me, usually to fulfill and commit solely to a romantic relationship. My best friend when I was 14 ran off one day, saddling me with her roleplay forum, so that she could get married, all because her then-fiance said he didn't want me rping with her, because he said it made him jealous. (Nevermind that she was 26, straight, christian, and I was a girl at the time, and also 14, especially 14.)

Ever since then, and especially when compounded with other abandonment even by less close friends, I've been terrified of being replaced, forgotten, cast aside in favor of someone who will kiss them. Logically, I know the experience I detailed above was far from the norm, I shouldn't have been the best friend of an adult woman over 10 years my senior at all, there's no reason her fiance should have seen a kid as a threat especially over SFW wolf roleplay. But it happened regardless, and I started to notice that it was becoming a pattern.

So, I panicked, relentlessly pursued a boy who ended up abusing me, pursued a girl who assaulted me, forced myself to be sexually available to my partner, all for the security I was told a romantic sexual relationship was supposed to have that they wouldn't leave me if I was just good enough. For already obvious reasons, it didn't work, and I lost friends, and then I graduated high school and didn't speak to anyone except 2 people, who ARE still my friends, ever again.

So ever since then I've been wary. A bit more cagey with my trust. My current roommate flirted with me a week after we'd met and had spent that week texting for hours a day, and I snapped at him in a blind panic that I had done something to lead him on, and oh god, this nice boy I want to be friends with is going to leave me.

And he didn't? And now I live with him? And we're still friends, even as the nature of our relationship has changed?

And he introduced me to his other friends! And I'm dating one! And another got me into cosplay! And they accepted my best friend without batting an eye! And we've all been together since just before the pandemic hit, and we're each others confidants and homies hand in beautiful hand together.

But... while I had been able to safely ignore it for nearly 4 years, since the breakup with my ex boyfriend and only sexual/romantic partner since, the fear came back, and stronger, despite all the therapy and self help and building of my self confidence, and then I read that paragraph and panicked.

Because my friends and I are in our mid 20s, and while three of us are aroace, the other five aren't, and they want to form relationships and build families - my roommate wants to do so as fast as possible so he can get citizenship and stop worrying about the status of daca.

And I don't know what I'll do if I lose this group. I remember that stupid fucking paragraph on a single page on a textbook written for and by a small public college in the midwest, and I panic. What if they all get married, move out, have kids, and decide the rest of us aren't worth the effort to stay in touch? What if my roommate kicks me out before I'm ready, to go settle with a fiance? What if, and how will I survive it? The first experience already nearly killed me.

But I was relaying these fears to my grandma last night when she stopped me and asked me how many people in my family have gotten married.

Well... you and grandpa, nano and pops, nano and uncle frank, pops and eleanor, mom and dad, mom and ex step dad, mom and step dad...

I have a much bigger family than that.

My paternal aunt is partnered for 30 years and never intends to marry him. They live separately.

My dad has never remarried and has had unrelated, unromantic, unsexual roommates.

My two maternal great aunts have never been married and never dated and live together.

My half brother is still single with no plans to marry.

My unrelated uncle never married or partnered.

My unrelated aunt never remarried after getting divorced.

If wikipedia is accurate, my cousin hasn't remarried since 1997, and was only married for 7 years.

All my life, I've been fed the idea that damn near everyone settles down, marries, has kids, and this is the natural order of things, and what I must do too. I didn't realize until I laid it out that more of my family have been happily single and/or unmarried for most if not all of their lives than have been the opposite.

What the paragraph failed to mention, and what I failed to realize until last night, was that that statistic can only be even mostly accurate to a time that has already come and gone. It can only be accurate to the generations that birthed the rest of us, and even then, still has another few decades to go before anything will be confirmed.

The rest of us? The rest of us that put the internet's global spotlight on the next generation of the queer community? We're already breaking that trend wide open and proving the statistic wrong and outdated. We're actively choosing to reject the institutions of marriage and of home ownership among a world that ruined both for us. We're prioritizing friendship and shared love over exclusive romances, we're building and supporting communities and challenging the biases of white colonial rule and the relationship to marriage to 2.5 kids and a dog is little more than a soundbite of scorn and mockery.

So... maybe it won't happen, that thing I fear the most. Maybe I can continue to live with my friends, and come home to a lively house or set of apartments each day. Maybe, even if they marry and have 2.5 kids, it'll be a set of goblins we share. Maybe I've found my personal fulfillment, I just have to wait and find out.

I hope I have.

I'll try and hold onto that.

[warmaidensrevenge]

Eddie Munson you fool

Pairing: best!friend Eddie x best!friend plus size reader

If you want to read my other work you can find it HERE

A/N: This is a part 2 to a request by @salenorona23. Originally it was supposed to be a one shot. But I don't know. I want the reader and Eddie together. So here it is. Thanks for reading.

Warnings: 18+ mentions of sex, self harm, language, angst, fluff, not proof read and no word.

Summary: Eddie is willing to put everything on the line to show you that you're the one. Will you give in or will your own insecurities stop you from being with your best friend?

It's hard being away from him. It always was. But you were determined to keep your distance. You loved Eddie. That wasn't a secret anymore. But everything was ruined. Eddie said somethings that you couldn't forget. And you said things you couldn't take back. So you decided to try and move on.

But with who. Weeks went by with you finding notes in your locker from Eddie that you shoved away without reading them. You stopped eating lunch at the hellfire table. You were lucky enough to not have any classes together this final year. You stopped taking phone calls. And were hardly ever home. Tired of all of Eddie's attempts you sought out a hook up.

That being Steve. Sure it started off as a drunken hook up but then it happened more than once. You guys knew it was wrong because of Eddie. But it just felt so good when you were with him. You guys never talked or kissed. It was just plain old sex. And though it was good you always imagined he was Eddie every single time. One night you were being taken from behind and couldn't help but think about Eddie.

Steve's grunts and the smacking of his balls against your clit filled his car. The windows were foggy and the smell of sex was smothering your senses.

Your body tensed as you came. You could feel Steve's cock pulsating in your cunt. When he was finished you felt that familiar sense of shame you got after every encounter. You quickly got dressed and went to the front seat.

You and Steve sat there in silence as you two finished getting dressed.

Steve cleared his throat. " Um y/n?"

" hmmm?" You said tieing your shoes.

"We uhh we need to stop."

You sighed. " yeah?"

" you know I like you. And you really are a damn good lay. But we can't keep doing this."

" Uh huh." You said still not making eye contact with him.

" It's getting really weird now when Eddie and I hang out."

" Yeah. No. It's fine."

Steve looked at you to see if you weren't upset. " Y/n I-"

" Steve. It's just sex. You're my friend and don't get me wrong. I like you. But I don't love you or anything."

Steve sighed in relief. " yeah I know. I just want you to know this doesn't change anything. We can still be friends after this."

You looked over to him and gave him a half hearted smile. " So we never mention this again?"

" If it's cool with you. Yeah."

" Okay."

Steve drove you to Robin's.

" Later Steven."

" Bye."

...

" Did Steve drop you off?" Robin raised an eyebrow when you walked into her room.

" Yeah. We umm went to eat."

" Really? Are you guys like dating?"

"God no. We're just friends."

" Huh. Then why is your shirt inside out?"

Oh fuck!

You looked down and it wasn't.

Robin laughed. " oh shit!"

" N-no. It's not like that."

"So you're hooking up?"

" No."

" Oh yes you are. Don't lie. It's cool. I won't say anything."

You sighed and sat next to her. " I don't know what the hell's wrong with me."

" It's because of-"

" No. Don't say it."

" C'mon y/n. Just talk to him. He's getting really annoying now. He won't leave me alone."

You shook your head." I can't. Too much has happened now."

" Because you had sex with Steve?"

" Yeah. And I just can't forget what he said about me."

" He didn't even say anything that bad."

" Yeah I know but I just feel like he's always thought that way about me. And if he didn't then he would have never called me a liar and never hurt me like that."

" You said some pretty shitty things too you know."

Your eyes started to water. " I know."

" Then can't you just call it water under the bridge?"

" How could I now? I hooked up with our friend. He would never forgive me for it."

" Well you never know if you don't try."

You shook your head. " I don't want to love him anymore Robin."

...

The next day you went home. You said hi to your mom and went to your room. You were surprised to see Eddie sitting on your bed.

You sighed. " what are you doing here?"

" I'm tired of not seeing you pretty girl."

" Well you saw me. Now you can go." You said moving away from the door.

" No. I'm not leaving until you talk to me."

" Eddie I don't want to talk. Okay."

" Why? You're still my best friend."

You swallowed and closed your eyes taking a deep breath. "We uhh we can't be friends anymore."

" What?! Why?!"

You opened your eyes and watched him get up and get closer to you.

"I can't keep doing this. I need you to leave me alone."

" No! I'm sorry ok. I'm sorry I hurt you and I'm sorry for not believing in you."

" Eddie i-"

" No y/n. I love you. You can't just make that go away. I love you and-and I know you still love me. You're just being stubborn." He said bridging the gap between you.

" I don't think you understand how much I truly care about you sweet cheeks....yeah I get that I'm stupid and annoying and I make dumb ass decisions sometimes. But that's because I don't know what the hell I'm doing when it comes to you....not seeing or talking to you feels like my world's falling apart...you're important to me y/n. You're the most important person in my life and I need you."

He was so close to you now. It was hard to breathe. But to be fair it was always hard to breathe around him.

" I know we never said it to each other. But baby. We knew. We knew we loved each other. We just weren't ready yet. But I am. I am ready for you now. And...I'm sorry it took me so long to get here."

Your eyes water. Why must he insist on making you cry? He wrapped his arm around you and cupped your face. He was just about to kiss you.

" Eddie I had sex with someone last night."

He froze. He slowly dropped his arms and moved away. " You what?"

" I-I...I needed to stop thinking about you. And I've been with him a few times." You hung your head.

" Who is it?"

" That's...not important."

The tension was so thick. You didn't know what to do. So you stared at the ground.

" Do you have feelings for that guy?"

"Y-yeah" you lied.

" Are you guys together?"

" Y-yes" another lie.

" I see...well don't let me get in your way." He said storming off.

You crawled into bed and cried. What did you just do?

...

" I can't believe this. How could she just move on so fast?"

Eddie was pacing his living room while Robin and Steve just sat there in total silence.

"Seriously?! What the hell?"

" Umm maybe she uhh she's just trying to get over you?" Steve uttered

Robin nudged him. " Or maybe she's lying."

Eddie stopped in his tracks and turned to them. " you think? Nah I would be able to tell...or... No." His eyes widened. " She stuttered when I asked her if she had feelings for him. And she didn't look me in the eye...yeah. she lied. She can never look at me when she lies. Fuck!"

" What?" Robin asked

" She never looked away from me when she told me about Chrissy. Damnit why didn't I pay attention?"

Robin shook her head.

" okay, so she's a fibber."

Robin and Steve laughed out of nervousness.

" Did she tell you guys that she hooked up?"

He took their silence as a yes. " okay....Did she tell you who?"

They both shook their heads.

" alright." Eddie said clapping his hands rubbing them together. " so here's the plan. We find out who it is and tell him to back off. Then I make some grand gesture to win her back."

When Robin and Steve left she gave him an earful for not telling Eddie. But how could he now. Eddie would hate him and you if he did.

...

" I didn't know what to say Steve. I'm sorry. I just wanted him to leave"

You had met Steve at work with Robin glaring at you

" You guys have to tell him. Before it's too late."

" Fuck. And he said he was going to look for...well you?" You asked Steve

" Yeah." He pressed his lips together.

You shook your head. " Damnit."

" And he's planning something big to win back your affection y/n."

You looked at Robin. " what? What is it?"

She shrugged. " I don't know. But you know him. He's gonna go all out."

" Oh shit. I have to stop him."

Robin picked up the phone and dialed a number handing the receiver to you.

You hesitated but took it.

" Umm hey. I umm can you meet me at the diner tonight?"

You listened intently. " Well how about tomorrow after your campaign? ....Yeah? Okay... bye"

You sighed " Steve your coming too. We have to tell him before he finds out on his own."

Steve nodded." yeah. Okay."

...

Eddie was so happy when you called him. He did want to meet you tonight but he had been writing a song for you. He called Dustin to make a collage of all the pictures of you two. Eddie had planned to have you meet at the drive in once everyone was gone. He was gonna have a showreel of the last 3 years of you guys hanging out while he sang.

He'd been planning this for months. And he wanted to do it as soon as possible. But Dustin was having a hard time splicing the videos and pictures.

Dustin had asked Eddie to pick up some snacks before he went to help him so he went to the market.

Though you and Steve tried to hide the fact that you guys were hooking up. Someone did see you guys a couple of times. That someone being Nancy Wheeler. She was happy to see Steve had finally moved on but she thought you and Eddie were together. So when she ran into Eddie at the market that day she asked how you and Steve were doing. That question puzzled him. She accidentally let it slip that she saw you and Steve at a party leaving together. Eddie wasn't stupid. He put two and two together and was beyond pissed.

When he went to Dustin's he was thinking of a way to get you to admit that you slept with Steve. Eddie wasn't upset that you guys hooked up. More so was that you guys hid it from him. He understood why you did it. But what he didn't get was why Steve would do that if he still loved Nancy.

So he was determined to find out the truth tomorrow. He couldn't sleep all night and he cut the campaign early just to try and build up the courage to call you out. He didn't like confrontation but it needed to happen. His only issue was what if he was wrong again. What if you were telling the truth this time?

...

Eddie was there already when you and Steve walked in. Normally you could read him like a book. But tonight there was something up with him. You and Steve sat down and you both thin lipped a smile.

Seeing you come in with Steve confirmed Eddie's suspension." Let's cut to the chase. I know you guys hooked up. But I want to know why you didn't tell me?"

You opened and closed your mouth like a damn fish. You couldn't look at him.

Steve started talking first. " look man. We were drunk and it kinda just happened."

You could feel Eddie's eyes on you. And all you wanted to do was cry.

" but it happened more than once?"

Steve looked at you and nodded. You bit your lip in order to distract yourself from crying and begging for Eddie's forgiveness.

" So what? Are you guys dating now?"

You could hear the hurt in Eddie's voice. And you and Steve said no at the same time.

" We agreed to stop because of you. And it really didn't feel right doing it."

"Thanks." Eddie said sarcastically. " It's nice knowing that I was thought of why you guys banged....dude common. What the hell? What if I hooked up with Nancy? You would be so damn pissed."

That's when you had enough. You couldn't be there anymore. You couldn't stand yourself. You looked up at Eddie with tears finally streaming down your face

" I'm so sorry Eddie. I should have never let this happen. It was me not Steve who made the first move. Please don't be mad at him. It's all my fault. I'm-I'm sorry." You got up and left.

Eddie couldn't help but blame himself for this. Even though he knew you would argue with him about it.

" Munson, I know this isn't ok and I'm really sorry too. But the night we first hooked up. She was crying after."

" Why?" Eddie said standing up.

" Because she said your name. While it happened. Then after we never even looked at each other while we did it. I could just tell that she was thinking of you."

Eddie didn't know what to do. All he knew was that he wanted to be with you. " Don't touch my girl again okay."

Steve nodded and watched Eddie leave.

...

Eddie had snuck into your room through the window. Your quiet sobs broke his heart. He took off his jacket and shoes and got in bed with you. He kissed your shoulder and held you tightly.

"I'm-I'm s-sorry Eddie....it got b-bad again." You wept.

He sat up and rolled you over to your back. He pulled back the blanket and lifted your shirt pulling at your knee. His eyes watered seeing the fresh cut that was bleeding through the bandage. But what did it for him was all the new pink scars you had around it.

" Baby no." He cried while holding you again. This time much tighter than before.

" I'm sorry Eddie. I'm so sorry." You sobbed into his chest.

"Don't worry pretty girl. I'm here. And I'm not going anywhere."

...

Weeks went by and Eddie was by your side as much as he could. You guys didn't talk about a relationship. However you did talk to him about everything that was going on with you. He convinced you to talk to your parents about getting some help. Which you did. Months and months of therapy went by and you were doing much better.

Eddie was happy to see you smile again. You guys hung out like normal. Most nights he would sneak into your room to sleep with you and other nights you were with him in the trailer.

One night in particular the status of your friendship changed. You were leaning up against him on the couch watching The Outsiders. It was toward the end where Johnny died. When Eddie wrapped his arms around you because you were crying. You always cried at that part.

" It's okay sweet cheeks. We can watch The Karate Kid after and watch Johnny kick some ass."

You giggled and turned around. "I would like that Eddie bear."

Eddie grinned. You haven't called him that in a long time. He blushed when you kissed his cheek. But when you moved away. You moved slowly lingering just inches from his lips. You looked at him with your big beautiful eyes and he couldn't stop himself from kissing you. He put all his love into that kiss and when you kissed him back it was everything he could ever dream of. You moved away just a bit and smiled that sweet smile he loved so damn much. He was trying to catch the breath you just took from him.

" Umm" you hummed not really knowing what to say.

" I...I'm still ready for this. If you are." Eddie smiled and caressed the apple of your cheek.

You licked your lips staring at his. " Are you sure? Because I..." You swallowed. " I want this to be a forever type thing. And if you really don't want that-"

He kissed you again. " Forever sounds nice. Pretty girl."

You put your forehead on his. " I'm seriously Eddie. You have been all I've wanted for years. And I know this is a lot and I'm a lot but I need you in my life. Regardless if we are together or not. But I really want us to be together."

Eddie pulled you into a warm embrace. " Then let's be together...forever."

...

@salenorona23

[popculty]

🎧 New Podcast Episode: Midsommar

After a little unplanned hiatus, we're back with Part 2 of our Halloween crossover event! And, well, Carver and I really put the 'cult' in Popculty with this one, because we are talking Midsommar! (one film by a straight white guy we maybe actually liked??)

In this episode:

Final Girls

exploring grief through horror

good for her (?)

the dark history of dance marathons

Florence Pugh supremacy

Because Flo said, "It's the Year of Dani, bbs" and we mere mortal podcasters follow our May Queen! 🙌🌻👑

Listen now 🎧

Or read the interactive transcript below 👇

SJ: All right, Carver, the time has come-- Gonna talk about Midsommar. There's, like, no summary for this movie. [both laugh] Like, nothing happens! I don't know what to tell you listeners, if you haven't seen it. But basically, it's about Florence Pugh's character, Dani, who has just suffered an incredible loss. She has just lost her sister and her parents to a murder-suicide situation, that's, right off the bat, very intense, very triggering. I would say that's a big trigger warning. She is grieving that, and she has the shittiest boyfriend in the world. Oh my God, Christian suuuuuuuucks.

Carver: Mm-hmm. [laughs]

SJ: He just wants her to get over it and be fine. And he and his friends, who are all working on their masters project, want to go to Sweden to study this, basically, cult-- this commune in rural Sweden at the peak of summer, for the summer solstice. They have this whole ritual and all these customs that this group of college students wants to go and study, and Dani decides to tag along, and...weird shit ensues! [both laugh] That is Midsommar. Like I say, trigger warnings definitely for suicide...um, group sex with a girl of questionable age, I will say...

Carver: Mhm.

SJ: What else? Lots of suicide. Very unpleasant, very unsettling scenes of suicide. Can't emphasize that enough.

Carver: Yes.

SJ: Anything you wanted to add to that?

Carver: That's mostly it. Uh, I mean, also the ableism that we were talking about in Hereditary? Just go ahead and dial that up to eleven.

SJ: Oh, yeah. However, contrary to Hereditary, I really love this movie. I watched it for the first time in theaters and I was like, "Huh. That was interesting. What did I just watch?" It's like two and a half hours of a Swedish folk festival with very disturbing undercurrents. I went for Florence Pugh, which, I mean-- the Pugh in this movie is off the charts amazing. I basically went for her because I had seen her in her first movie, Lady Macbeth. Didn't know what I was getting into. Came away just being like, "I think I liked it ? But I didn't get it at all." And I recently rewatched it at the beginning of this year after I had suffered a loss. And I, for some reason found myself drawn to rewatch this movie. And I have to say it was so cathartic. It really felt like being held in my grief. So that's why I messaged you after I watched it, because I just felt like I finally understood the movie and I appreciated what it had done for me through that viewing experience. That's why I suggested it and why I kind of just, on a whim, was like, "Let's talk about Midsommar. I don't care if it's directed by a white guy!" Because it really moved me. They say what you come to a movie with often affects what you get out of the movie. And I very much had that experience with Midsommar. So that's sort of my context. It just clicked for me this time. What is your experience with this movie?

Carver: I also saw it in theaters right when it came out. I think I saw it if not opening day, I saw it opening week, because at the time, I was very impressed by Hereditary. I think now it's easy to see it as a drop in the bucket of these think-piece horror films. But at the time that it came out, it was really something that we weren't seeing a ton of. So I had been anticipating this movie. I had seen the trailers. I was ready for it. Um, that opening scene, as someone who has witnessed suicide attempts by loved ones, was so hard that I nearly left. At the scene where you see the sister, I was like, internally, 'Do I get up now and go?' And I think it is a testament to the movie that I did stay and that I was able to enjoy it, even if I was in a state of panic for most of it. Coming back to rewatch it, I didn't realize how adverse I was to rewatching it originally. I actually have been trying to watch this movie every night since you and I recorded last, and I was not able to make myself rewatch it until this morning.

SJ: Oh, really? Oh my god, you watched it this morning?

Carver: Yes.

SJ: Oh no, you didn't have to put yourself through that! I'm sorry!

Carver: I don't even think I realized it. It was just, 'Oh, you know, it's just not the time. It's not the time.' And rewatching it, knowing what happens did make it a lot easier. I think I also was able to notice a lot more in that scene, that really takes the story full circle.

SJ: Yes.

Carver: And I still really enjoy it. All of the elements of grief are there. Uh, the thing that gets to me most is what you were talking about earlier: Christian is such a bad boyfriend.

SJ: He's the worst! But not in a super obvious way, right? Not in the typical way we see abusive boyfriends, but he is so neglectful, does not care about what she's going through. He is surrounded by friends that are pretty shitty too, who are like, "Oh, just break up with her and find someone who actually likes sex." His dude bro friends are the worst, too. And they're just enabling him to be shittier.

Carver: They're also not the type of guys you would normally associate with that behavior. These are PhD students! They're educated, they're woke-- Well, some of them are. Mark is not.

SJ: Oh, yeah. Will Poulter's character. I mean, can he ever play a good guy? I don't think so. With that face?

Carver: He's going to play an idiot. That's the role he is given in this movie, is the idiot or the fool. And that is how I associate him, in film at least.

SJ: Oh, totally. He looks like the mean kid from Toy Story brought to life.

Carver: [laughs] Very Sid. I can see it.

SJ: But yeah, so Christian isn't-- It's a more subtle version of abusive, toxic behavior than we're used to seeing. It's not in your face. It's not like he beats her. It's shittier in a much subtler way, in like a gaslighty way.

Carver: Mm-hmm. In a 'your feelings are your fault and my feelings are your fault...'

SJ: He constantly makes her feel like she's holding him back because she's having a panic attack, or because she's grieving, or because she's the sad girl at the party-- Ugh, that's the worst! I hate that.

Carver: I was discussing with my roommate earlier that I think the kindest thing he could have done would have been to break up with her. Because then at least she would have had that anger to fuel and push her forward in ways that I don't always think grief can do. I think the anger part of the grief cycle is one of the things that, for me at least, will pull me forward and keep the momentum of healing going, because you've got that fire. Whereas grief on its own just feels like something that's pulling you down. And I think you can feel that in Dani's character this whole time. What she needed was just a little bit of fire to get her going.

SJ: Heh. There's some foreshadowing for ya. [Carver chortles] For anyone who feels the same way we do about Christian, I highly recommend and will link in the shownotes, someone on Twitter made a supercut of the movie that's just Dani looking at Christian like he's the shittiest boyfriend in the world, set to Wii music. It's *amazing*. [both laugh] It's the only cut of this movie you really need to see, if you haven't seen it. That's a big thing right off the bat-- He is so unsupportive of her in her grief. And you can tell even in one of those opening scenes where she's just sobbing in his arms and he's just sort of awkwardly holding her, like he just wants this to be over. And then you contrast that to the group wailing scene, which we will talk about more, of course, because it's my favorite. But the contrast between the way those women hold her and the way that he barely holds her is striking.

SJ: I wanted to ask you, because I was trying to think of another horror movie that takes place entirely during the day... Is this the first and only?

Carver: It is not the first. I think another-- as well as just a major influence that Ari Aster has said himself for this movie-- is the Wickerman, which is Folk Horror, this is Folk Horror... They have a lot of the same tropes. But I would say as far as movies that have been made recently, using it this way, where the sun is kind of symbolism-- the light is part of what is being foreshadowed in the opening panel... Because I will say something I noticed watching both of these movies is that Ari Aster loves to tell you everything that's going to happen so early, and then just still somehow surprise you with it at the end.

SJ: Oh, absolutely. I do really appreciate his foreshadowing. One of my favorite images of foreshadowing in film is from Midsommar, and it's that shot of Florence Pugh's character curled up on the bed in a fetal position, facing the wall. The camera makes a slow pan into the room, and above her is this giant painting of a girl with blonde hair, wearing a crown, opposite a large brown bear, holding its face and looking into its eyes. [laughs]

Carver: Mm-hmm.

SJ: If you know how this movie ends, you are both laughing and your jaw is, like, on the ground. It literally tells you how this movie is going to end, but then it just takes you on a ride to get there. It's the kind of movie that I think does benefit from having watched it once before, because then you can pick up on all those little clues he places throughout, which just enhances the viewing for me. Did you find that as well?

Carver: I did. So the first time I watched it, I remembered the bear from that painting. But on this watching, after the May Festival, when she witnesses the event with Christian and the naked women, when she is preparing herself to see that, the position she puts her body in as she leans over to look into the keyhole is the same position that little girl's body is when she looks into the bear's face in that painting.

SJ: [gasp] Right!

Carver: And her body language is so intentional when she makes that motion that it's just so clear to me that that was absolutely on purpose.

SJ: Oh, yeah. Again, Aster is very intentional with every shot of his films. I think you see that really clearly in this one. If anything, it's even more intricate and detailed than Hereditary. It simultaneously feels like basically we're just on Florence Pugh's face for two and a half hours, as she's experiencing whatever the fuck this is. So, in some ways, it feels almost like a documentary. But it also is a meticulously thought-out and staged film. There's so much symbolism, it's *so* precise in its imagery...

Carver: There are all those paintings on the walls in the room that they sleep in. And again, on this watching, I noticed that the mural above Christian's bed is the ritual that he takes part in later, with all of the women and the two in the middle.

SJ: Yeah, it is.

Carver: And I know all of that was hand-painted. All of those sets and things, hand painted. All of the clothes were embroidered. And actually, I was listening to something today-- They were trying to hire people from the area where they were shooting, so all of those clothes were designed and sewn by a Scandinavian woman. And it's very clear that those are so artfully designed and thoughtfully done.

SJ: It really comes through. Those sets do not feel like a typical Hollywood set. They feel like they were built by the people who lived there. There is just something very different about them. And the clothes do feel like they were hand-stitched, handmade, hand-dyed. I think it adds more of a natural feel. You don't feel like you're watching a Hollywood movie.

Carver: It's so polished, but it's also such a world that feels lived-in. There are these dramatic cuts, these swipes, there is this editing that is so hands-on, so purposeful, to bring you these emotions. Whereas the situations they're in, as extreme as they are, I think most people can relate to a time they've felt this way or that way. And I think anyone who's been through a bad breakup feels for Dani in this.

SJ: [stifling a laugh] A lot of people online are like, "Take your worst ex to this movie." [both laugh] I mean, I think we have to talk about the Florence Pugh of it all.

Carver: Oh, yeah.

SJ: Because she *carries this movie*. This would not have worked without her, I really, truly feel. Like, I'm trying to imagine any other actress of the same age in that role, and I just don't think it would have compelled me the way she compels me. I go off about her a little bit in my Black Widow episode-- We both love her, she's incredible, and she's such a naturalistic actor. She has no formal training, so she just kind of shows up and embodies the character, and she reacts the way that an actual person would. She's never thinking ahead to what the other actor's next line is going to be. She is so organic. I don't think there's any other style of acting that could have worked for this role. You really have to have that. And I can't think of anyone else like her that could have pulled that off. So I really just have to say, this is a masterclass in acting-- not even acting, it's like a masterclass in *being*-- from Florence Pugh. It is peak Frowny Face Florence Pugh. [Carver laughs] I think the regular cut is almost 3 hours long, and didn't have time, but I still want to watch the director's cut, which is like another half hour. This movie is ostensibly so long, and yet it goes by so quickly for me because I'm just mesmerized, really, by her and her performance. She just guides you through, as the viewer. This should be so boring, like, nothing happens! But I'm just riveted by her.

Carver: She has the exact opposite issue that we had with Charlie in Hereditary, where all of the emotions with that character were at arm's length, whereas there isn't a moment in this film where you aren't feeling what Dani is. And I mean, all of that has to do with The Florence Pout. [both laugh] But there are just so many instances that are great in this, even when she acts slightly out of character to what we know of her. Like when the group that came with Pele's friend have left, and she says, "You know, Simon left without Connie." And Christian's like, "Oh, that's so terrible, that's so terrible." And she's like, "I could see you doing something like that." [laughs] And I was like...

SJ: Yes! It's such a relatively tame line, but savage for her.

Carver: Oh, absolutely! And he takes it that way. She always has kid gloves on with him. Everything is her fault, every issue in the relationship she sees as her contribution, when she has this person who is effectively using those insecurities to manipulate her, when he doesn't know what he wants. They say in the beginning, "You need to get off the fence with this"--

SJ: Mhm.

Carver: And he refuses to.

SJ: He drags her along, and you see how it drags her down. Like you said, it would have been a relief if he would just fucking break up with her. But he won't even give her that, and it's so selfish of him, because he doesn't know what he wants, but he's going to hold onto her anyway. And from the opening scene of this movie to the closing, you just feel for her all the way. You feel exactly what she's feeling. It's such a testament to the remarkable performance she gives. Because like I said, I just don't see this movie working nearly as well with literally anyone else I can imagine in the role. I mean, even the most accomplished Oscar-winning actors-- it would be too untrue, too formulaic. It would be something we've already seen them do before. But she brings this freshness that really grounds the film. So, genuinely, I have to give her like 90% of the credit for this movie working for me.

Carver: Absolutely. Yes, there are so many wonderful things about this movie, all of the purposeful things that Ari Aster does. But that would all fall flat if you didn't have this person that was able to just grab your audience and push the emotion in their face. And I think she does that no matter what she's given. I do think the movie I was telling you about, Fighting with My Family is one of the silliest things I've seen her in...

SJ: Yeah, for sure. But she has the range, right?

Carver: My roommate and I were *crying* when she gets to go to Monday Night Raw! [both laughing] The culmination of that movie, when she is getting to be a professional wrestler-- Sobs in my living room! Just because we care so much about what happens to her. And again, it's because she is so good at what she does.

SJ: Absolutely. I've seen her in literally every genre and she just kills it in everything. And I can't remember the last time I saw someone that young do what she's doing. I mean, she's 26 years old, and in just the past five years or so, she has created a body of work on film-- and in television-- that tops most actors who have been working for decades. She just elevates everything that she's in. And even beyond her talent, I'm just really impressed by how discerning she is with the projects she does and how many women directors she's already worked with, in her very short career. That's actually depressingly rare for actors of any gender to have that awareness of gender equity behind the camera. [sigh] I could talk about Florence Pugh all day. How much time you got? [both laugh]

Carver: I know this is sort of a controversial topic around this movie... Do you consider this to be a Good for Her film?

SJ: Oh, my gosh, [nervous chuckle] That is so complicated... So, yeah, when everyone was watching this movie, I would say like 70% of the takes online were a variation of the Good for Her meme, right? Viewing this as a female empowerment film. Um... [laughs] Okay. That, to me, is-- Are you familiar with the Broke, Woke, Bespoke meme?

Carver: Somewhat...?

SJ: It has variations. Like, Galaxy Brain is another variation.

Carver: Okay.

SJ: Basically, you have levels of takes, and you start with your most basic take, and then you sort of elevate to the 'Galaxy Brain' or 'Bespoke' take. If I'm applying that to this movie, the reactions that I've seen are, like, 'Broke'-- which is "Good for Her"-- and that's just your base-level, knee-jerk sort of response, not thinking about it too deeply, kind of thing. And sure-- Is it satisfying to watch her burn her shitty ex-boyfriend alive in a bear costume? Yes. [Carver chuckles] Not gonna lie. And the way that she's literally crowned a queen, and it's like the movie is saying, "She was a queen all along and you should have treated her like one, asshole." There's definitely a satisfying element to the end. But, uh, does anyone really believe that Dani is in a healthy place, physically or emotionally, by the end of the movie? You know, to me, that ending is symbolic, the fire is symbolic. This movie is not actually suggesting or approving that you burn your ex alive as a legitimate form of closure. I understand the Good for Her take, but let's think a little deeper about it.

Carver: Yeah.

SJ: I might agree in passing, I might retweet a Good for Her meme. But no, if I'm thinking about it critically, not at all. She's achieved freedom in some sense, but I don't think the movie is suggesting that it's healthy or actually good for her in any way. I think she's just traded one form of abuse for another. And I think a lot of people miss that.

Carver: Yeah.

SJ: The other take that people have-- it's like a more woke take, this would be the next level-- is that, 'Oh, this is a movie that's condoning cults! This is cult propaganda. Wake up, sheeple!' You know? But I think the way the cult is portrayed is kind of a warning to us. They have all this rhetoric that sounds really good, but then it's all proven to be empty or false. So I prefer the Bespoke take, which is viewing this movie as like a PSA for how cults prey upon emotionally, or in other ways, vulnerable people. That's exactly where we find Dani in the beginning of this movie. She is prime cult bait. You know, so I don't see it as this healthy evolution for her. I see it as an evolution of sorts-- healthier in some ways, but... I mean, how do you feel about the end message?

Carver: I think a Good for Her message is complicated for me, because we've talked a bit about how much we hate Christian, he's a terrible boyfriend. Also, if you think critically about what has happened to him-- how he is given a drug he doesn't really want to take and put in a position that he doesn't necessarily want to be in and doesn't have the faculty to fully consent to, and then he's burnt alive for it-- I don't love that being how one of the first major depictions of a male survivor is shown.

SJ: Sure.

Carver: Also, I, uh, think it's easy to see it as a Good for Her if you think of it in the context of the beginning of the film to when the credits roll. But the moment you think of what this character is going to go through when the credits start to roll, when the movie is over...

SJ: Mhm...

Carver: How does she get home? They have said that they bring in new people to expand their gene pool. And so, at least in my mind, forced impregnation is in the future for Dani. I think the real terror for that character starts when the movie ends.

SJ: I would agree. And, you know, that's a pretty unsettling place to come away from. So I think a lot of people just sort of gloss over it and they'd rather see the female empowerment piece of it, but it's true-- Let's think about this. Practically speaking, what would the next scene be in that movie, if it didn't cut to black? I mean... it's not gonna be all sunshine and roses forever.

Carver: Yeah.

SJ: Florence Pugh was on a recent episode of the Off Menu podcast, and she shared some really interesting insights about Dani and the experience of playing her-- a lot of which I think echo our thoughts.

Male host: What do you think happens to her (Dani)?

Florence Pugh: So, she's had a psychotic break. That's what's happened. When she sees her boyfriend having, um, that orgy in the temple, I think that's like one of the last things that she can probably deal with. And I think through the mushroom trip and the this trip and the that trip... I think when everything starts-- for example, when she's on the throne with her flower dress and she's given the choice to either choose her boyfriend or the other sacrifice-- I always took it as like, she was kind of gone by that point, after all the pampering and the weirdness and the oddities of what was happening. So when she looks at him, I never thought she looked at him to kill him. I thought it was more of like, she was in a different place. She was in a different-- She wasn't her anymore. And she almost looks at him as if she's getting that recognition. She knows that it's someone she loves, and she knows that it's someone that's hurt her. So that whole zoom-in, for me, was her processing deep, deep from wherever it is that she's got lost to, that that is someone who has hurt her. And then it snaps, and then he's been chosen. So I always thought that she survived. I don't think she's probably ever going to come back, because to come back from a psychotic break, you have to have deep, deep treatment and work that obviously those people don't have--

Male Host: Yeah, they're not offering that.

Florence Pugh: No, they're not offering that. But I do think that they care for her, and I do think she's-- in a weird, twisted, horrible way-- she's in a place that people actually want her to be there. And I do think she will be getting respect and love, in a weird way, there. I don't think she's ever coming back from this break... It's funny, when I did it, I was so, um, wrapped up in her-- and I've never had this ever before with any of my characters-- I was so wrapped up in her that when I was making the movie, there were so many places that I had to go to, because I'd never played someone who was in that much pain before. And I would put myself in really shit situations that other actors maybe don't need to. do. But I would just be imagining the worst things... Because each day the content would be getting weirder and harder to do, I was putting things in my head that were just getting worse and more bleak. And I think by the end, I had, uh, probably most definitely abused my own self in order to get that performance. And when I left the shoot, they still had three days left to shoot, because I was off to Boston, to go and shoot Little Women literally straight away...

Male Host: [laughs increduously]

Florence Pugh: [with a weak laugh] I know. And I remember when I left, I said goodbye to everyone. And, um... when I was in the plane, I looked down-- and by that point, I'd traveled so much over the weekends to go and do press for Little Drummer Girl that I knew exactly where the field was when I was in the plane, because I'd follow the road out-- And I remember looking down and feeling immense guilt. Like, I felt so guilty, because I felt like I'd left her in that field, in that state.

Male Host: Wow.

Florence Pugh: And it was so weird. I've never had that before. I've always thought that all my characters, once I've left them, I'm like, "Yeah, but they'd be fine in the next situation. They know how to handle themselves." And this one I was like, "I've..." And obviously that's probably a psychological thing, where I felt immense guilt of what I'd put myself through, of course. But I definitely felt like I'd left her there in that field to be abused, to be... um, not to-- She can't fend for herself. And it was like I'd created this person, and then I'd just [snaps fingers] left her when I had to go and do another movie.

---

SJ: I would love to talk about race in this movie, because we sort of touched on it in our Hereditary episode... In the pro column, I do appreciate that this movie is using and appropriating the *whitest* possible culture, which, to me, is so refreshing, after the history of horror movies in particular using/co-opting/bastardizing things like indigenous lore and mythology. I mean, almost every movie about a haunted house or a haunted cemetery is based on, 'Oh, it's built near or on an Indian burial ground,' right?

Carver: Yeah.

SJ: So I'm almost okay with this movie being almost entirely white, because it's critiquing a very white culture, and it's not trying to appropriate a non-white culture, like we've seen in the past. Having said that, I think the casting of the few characters of color in this... I think it's a little problematic. What are you going to say?

Carver: Um, I think when you think of, again, the purpose this cult has, of bringing new people in, as they say, to extend the breeding pool, the genetic pool, and when you look around, it is still all white people. You know that they are bringing people of color here, but they are not using them for that. And so, it's hard to ignore that-- I'm going to say that they're a white supremacist cult.

SJ: I would agree. There is definitely a strong element of white purity, because who do they choose to mate with their girl? It's Christian, a white, redhead guy. Like, could not be whiter. The only people of color in this movie are the British couple, who they just kill. They are outsiders who were brought in, but they just use them basically as fertilizer. They don't use them for procreation. So I'm like, absolutely. This is, like, a white purity thing. To me, that works because I don't think the movie is condoning what this cult is doing at all. So we're like, 'okay, yeah, they're kind of an evil cult.' If we were meant to embrace the cult, or if people come away from this movie thinking, 'Actually, they have some good ideas,' that's problematic, because when we scratch the surface, we know that's not true. But I think as long as you're looking at the whole picture, looking at everything this cult is doing, you have a very clear understanding that they're not this utopia that they claim to be. And at the basis of it is this blood purity.

Carver: I do think the thought of bringing Connie and Simon is purposeful on the character of Ingemar. When they're first introduced, he says, "You know, Connie and I went on a date, and they started dating right after." And Connie is like, "We went on *a* date that I didn't *know* was a date." And he's like, "Anyway! And now they're engaged, and I brought them here."

SJ: Ohh, so you think that was payback, for Ingemar?

Carver: I think so. I think it relieved some of his own guilty conscience to be bringing these people, because he saw a slight in some way. And in the end, he volunteers to be one of the sacrifices and burns up there with them.

SJ: Yeah. I hadn't put that together, but I think you're right. The only main character of color is *Josh*, who-- okay, based on that name, I'm really going to assume that Ari Aster wrote the script with all white people, and at the very last minute, one of the producers was like, "You really should have a person of color." So he cast William Jackson Harper at the last minute, just so that people couldn't make the same critique of Midsommar that they do of Hereditary. [laughs] Um, but I have to say, I don't think the colorblind casting in that role works, because I don't think that a Black man, particularly an African American, would go to this other culture and pick it apart the way his white colleagues are doing. That seems like a very white colonialist mentality to have, and you're sort of drag-and-dropping that onto a Black character. That just does not equate to me, because I feel like, with that historical memory, being the descendant of people who were enslaved and who have had their culture appropriated by white people, I don't see how he would then turn around and exploit this culture the way his fellow white students were doing.

Carver: Exploit and also demand access to. Anytime a boundary is set about, "You can go this far, but no further," he is the most anxious to step over that line.

SJ: It's true.

Carver: And I don't think that someone who would have the cultural competence that that character would have, realistically, would do that.

SJ: Totally. Also, his name is Josh. [laughs] I'm sorry, but, like, whitest name ever. I really feel like that character was, at the last minute, cast as a Black person, just to kind of check that diversity box. Doesn't it read that way to you? Because I don't think anything about the character, as is written in the script, has any Black cultural identity or anything. I mean, he acts *just* like his white colleagues, and I just feel like that's Ari Aster doing some last-minute corrections, you know? [laughs]

Carver: I think it's the same as he said how he writes women, is he just puts himself into them. And I think that's very clear with Josh's character. Astor has no understanding of what it would be like to be a person of color, so he's like, "I'll just write you as if you were me!"

SJ: Yep. That's how it reads.

Carver: As much as I love to see that actor in any role-- I'm so happy to see him in anything. I think he also has a great amount of range. I think taking this role was a very smart thing for him to do after a show like The Good Place, because he is a *completely* different character.

SJ: Yes, he is.

Carver: I think he has an eye for creative media. I know if I see him on the cast, there is going to be something interesting about whatever's being made there. So, as much as I want to critique that character, I am always happy to see him working.

SJ: Always happy to see Chidi! Yep. [both laugh]

Things I like about this movie? Equal opportunity nudity-- That's rare! We get just as much schlong as we do full-frontal naked ladies. I also appreciate that there is a sense of humor running throughout this movie. A lot of people have this idea of it being a very self-serious sort of douer movie. But there are scenes that make me *laugh out loud*. The foreshadowing painting is one, but also the end scene-- [Carver chortles] where she's in this giant flower dress, running and stumbling and tripping on it. And she's crying and sobbing and puking-- I laugh so hard. [laughing] And I think it's meant to be funny. Ari Aster has said in interviews that he intended for a lot of this to be, like, absurd. He said one of the funniest things to him is master's students arguing over their theses. So I think there is an intentional beat of humor running throughout that I appreciate.

But also, like I mentioned, I think this is a really-- this and Hereditary, in a different way-- but this movie in particular I think is such a good portrayal of the stages of grief. Particularly the loneliness of grief, you know, how alone Dani feels in mourning, when everyone around her just wants her to get over it and be fine. Of course, the film presents this alternative to that in the form of the cult, which demonstrates this idea of collective feeling and radical empathy. Whenever one member feels pain-- or pleasure for that matter-- they all experience it together as if it was their own. That's a very appealing thing for Dani in the place she's at-- Again, a very vulnerable person, the cult is appealing to what she wants most... And I have to say, the wailing scene, where she's finally letting it all out-- the rage and the grief and the betrayal-- everything that she's feeling, on the floor, on her hands and knees, just *sobbing*, snot and tears dripping down her face. And every other woman in that cult is there on the floor with her, sobbing and screaming together in this one, moving mass...

SJ: It's such a powerful scene, I have to say. Both times I watched it, I felt it viscerally, and it was really cathartic. Also, just-- can you imagine filming that scene?? [both laugh] The lack of self consciousness you would have to have, because it's just so raw. I think for Dani it is the turning point in the film, because for the first time she's being held by people in the way that she needs to be held-- in the way that Christian couldn't, in the way that she probably didn't feel held by her family. Yeah, I think that's really her turning point. And it's, to me, probably the most powerful scene.

Carver: I absolutely agree with you there. The line I think of most often is Pele asking, "Do you feel held by him?" And I do think that is a question that in relationships we aren't told to ask. And so much of the success of things like that comes down to something so simple: 'Do you feel held? Do you feel that there is someone there to catch you when you need caught?' And I think that is the nail in the coffin of many relationships, is when you realize that you don't.

SJ: That was a line that stuck out to me, too. She sort of gets her answer in that scene: 'No, I have not felt held, that's why I need this.' And I think that's when she, consciously or unconsciously, makes the decision to stay with these people, for at least a period of time. I think a lot of it has to do with the way that American culture likes to isolate people who are grieving. We don't talk about death, and we certainly don't talk about suicide. So she's dealing with all of this on her own. And I really think the cult is speaking to the weakness in the way that Western culture deals with(/doesn't talk about) these things like death and suicide and grief. They are filling that need for her.

Carver: Yeah, they're showing her another way. You know, I think before, she couldn't imagine a world where she really felt held in that way. I think Dani was put in the position of being the one holding. And so, it really is the first time that she feels that other people are even just relating to her, besides Pele who is the first person to really even say, "Sorry for your loss."

SJ: Yeah. We talked in our mental health series-- my guest Megan, who's a social worker, was talking-- about how this really is a shortcoming of Western culture. It's this individualistic, sort of 'pull yourself up by your bootstraps' mentality that makes us feel so alone when we're feeling any type of extreme emotion. We're taught to just figure it out on our own, deal with it ourselves, carry our own water. And the cult, to me, represents more of, like, the Eastern cultural mentality, which is more of a collective, and 'we do things together.' This is something that came up in another episode we did on The Farewell, which is about how no one dies alone, no one grieves alone, we're all in this together. It's about the community, it's about the family unit, it's never about the individual person. So I think that's something we can think about and take as a critique from this movie about our individualistic American culture, which wants to deny these things and make people feel so isolated when they're in the worst emotional places in their lives.

Carver: We're a society that sees asking for help as a shortcoming. The fact that you need help in any way means that you're less than the people who don't ask for it. I mean, in our culture, even mental health is still so stigmatized that going to see a therapist is barely a part of the norm. And most people who need therapy won't seek it.

SJ: Right. That was a big impetus for doing the mental health series. So, oddly enough, I think this movie sort of piggybacks nicely on some of those themes.

Carver: Absolutely.

SJ: For me, another standout scene, other than the wailing, I think my other favorite scene is [chuckling] the dance-off?

Carver: Mhm!

SJ: 'Dance 'til you physically collapse' has got to be one of the most underused horror scenarios. But it got me thinking about the history of dance marathons, which is actually kind of dark and fucked up. The origin in the U.S.? It began in the Great Depression, as a means of survival for people who were otherwise literally starving. Atlas Obscura had a really interesting article on it recently, and they wrote: "In the thick of the Great Depression, the perverse entertainment racket of America's dance marathon craze was, to some, a survival strategy. Because dancing in a marathon didn't just mean the possibility of a cash prize, it meant being fed and sheltered for the duration of the contest." So I thought that was an interesting, equally dark parallel for what Dani is doing here, which is also probably dancing for her life, whether she realizes it or not at the time. Going back much further in a more global context, you also had these medieval dancing plagues. People would just start dancing, and they'd dance for days and days and days. And at the time, people thought it was demonic possession. Now they say that it was probably ergotism, it was a type of food poisoning, and basically these people were tripping--

Carver: Mhm. Bad bread.

SJ: --which, side note, was also what they think caused the Salem witch hysteria.

Carver: Mhm!

SJ: Atlas Obscura also does a podcast, and they had just done this episode that I had listened to right before I re-watched Midsommar, about the Harga, which is what this dance thing is...

Atlas Obscura female host: I'm standing at the top of a mountain in northern Sweden, and I'm looking at a ring in the rock. It's polished down into the stone almost like hundreds of feet did hundreds of laps around this circle and pounded the ground until it became smooth. According to a famous Swedish legend, that is exactly what happened. A group of doomed teenagers followed the devil to the top of this mountain. And as they danced circle after circle and wore their bones down against the rock, the devil sat in a nearby tree, watching them dance to their deaths, playing his violin... [creepy violin music]

SJ: So, that dance scene is based on this real legend, and I thought it was interesting the way they incorporated it. Those are just some of the contextual things I was thinking of when I watched this movie the second time around. The first time I watched it, I was like, "Oh, they're dancing! This is fun. It's all bright and cheery." But they're drugged! It is sort of like an LSD haze for Dani. Then you start thinking, 'Okay, what if she wins? What does she actually win? What does that entail?' And you just get this sinking feeling of like, 'I don't think winning this is going to be a good thing for her.' And of course, as we've said, it probably isn't.

Carver: To my viewing, it's the moment that really solidifies Dani's relationship with the cult. There are moments in that dance where she looks out at Christian and is afraid. And then she looks at the girl who pulled her into the dance and sees the joy that she's experiencing, and mirrors that feeling the same way that later they will all mirror her feeling. So I think that dance is her really crossing cultures and becoming one of them. That may be cemented later on, but I don't think that she would have done that willingly if it weren't for the way that she felt so included with those women, in a way that she was never included with the people who were already in her life.

SJ: Also, it's just like, really nice to see her smile for the first time in the entire fucking movie! [laughs]

Carver: Truly a relief!

SJ: Honestly. I was just so glad to see a smile on her face. For once, she looked like she was enjoying herself, for at least part of it-- even though she's drugged out of her mind. [laughs] But it is like the only moment of joy in this movie, for which she has just been bereft.

Carver: One other thing that I noticed, sort of tying these two films together-- which I don't always like to do. I personally like that Ari Aster made a movie and then wasn't forced to make a franchise. Which is, I feel like a lot of what's happening now, and there's a lot of pressure for people to find the connection and to put these movies in the same world. I think they're absolutely spiritual siblings--

SJ: Sure.

Carver: --but I don't think that they should be read as happening simultaneously. It is a different world that Hereditary and Midsommar take place in. But they do both focus around this theme of holding in and releasing grief, and I think that is an interesting place to draw fear from. I don't think it is usually grief we are focusing on when we're talking about our fears, when grief is such a huge part of it. I feel like anxiety is the culmination of fear and grief. And it's something that our generation-- and of course, generations before us-- were very vocal about the way that we experience that.

SJ: I have to say, I really love the end scene. I felt like such a cathartic culmination of everything, and the way that it's constructed is so effective. I mentioned the scene where the building with her boyfriend is up in flames in the background, and in the foreground, she's stumbling over this dress, and crying and puking. And I have to laugh, but that is like the final purging for her of those emotions that she's been carrying. Because then she looks around and sees everyone around her-- all the people in the cult-- are also screaming and crying and puking and wailing. And you can see the moment the burden of feeling like she has to carry all of that by herself is lifted. You watch the anguish on her face morphing into relief and a kind of joy, and you see her arrive finally at a sense of peace. The burning building crumbles into the flames, superimposed over a close-up of her face, going through this transformation. And she smiles because she's been released of her grief, of her shitty boyfriend who was never there for her, maybe even of the anxiety and the burden of having a sister who is suicidal and having to constantly worry-- There's some relief there. And there's a release of being constrained by American societal pressures. She has, for better and worse, a new family of sorts that will give her what she desperately needs, which is to be seen and held with no constraints.

And I felt that sense of catharsis with my own grief as well. Watching it, I felt like I had gone through the wringer with her and then kind of come out the other side, almost being exorcised of my grief. With that final scene, I just felt like I could [exhales] let it go, in a way. And that was really helpful for me. So, going into this movie in that profound state of grief allowed me to have that experience and view it through that lens. Again, it comes down to what you're going into this movie-- any movie-- with, but for me, it was like a grief doula, sort of guiding me through the stages. Now, obviously, it's not a perfect happy ending for her - We know this. But that was the experience I had, and it was very helpful for me. So I would recommend this movie to people who are grieving, which I think a lot of people are, as we're in this now third year of the pandemic.

If there's a moral to this story... I think there are a couple things, but one that really jumped out to me was the importance of balance in all things. Throughout the film, we're shown examples of how too much of even a seemingly good thing has negative consequences, right? Like even the constant sunlight, which, sunshine is supposed to be good and symbolize happiness and clear skies. But the *constant* sunlight, the heavy saturation of light throughout this movie, becomes disorienting and wrong, when there's no distinction between night and day. Similarly, too much empathy and sharing-- as we see with the cult having various communal experiences-- at a certain point, leads to the absence of personal boundaries and even consent.

Carver: Yeah.

SJ: Oh, we got to talk briefly about the Oracle character, because we were talking about ableism in Hereditary... But even the Oracle character-- if you're going to give that some meaning (because I really hate that that's a character, it doesn't need to exist)-- if you are to ascribe some meaning to that, you could sort of read it as, like, 'too much blood purity leads to physical disfigurement.'

Carver: That particular character is so secondary that they could have very easily been removed from the story and had basically no effect. I think it is there to trigger the Western cultural taboo of incest, to expose these Americans to something that is going to make them uncomfortable, that they see as morally wrong. And then also the fact that they are doing it purposefully, creating this person in a way that just seems manipulative, creating someone to be used. And they are the only person kept separate from everyone else. They live alone, in the religious house, but they are very clearly created to be kept apart from everyone else. Even if they're put on a pedestal and being told that they're holy, they're still not fully a part of the cult, which is the thing that we feel for Dani. Like, the compelling part of this movie is almost wanting Dani to join this cult, to be a part of something, and then they have created a person to keep away from them.

SJ: It's a striking contrast, and I agree - This character could have been completely written out of or edited out of the movie, and it would change pretty much nothing. I think there's like a total of 5 seconds of actual screen time for this character, at least in the theatrical cut. They're talked about in maybe two scenes, but it just seems so unnecessary. I guess if you're really [exasperated sigh] going deep on it, you could say the othering of this character is another warning sign against this cult being as inclusive as they say. But, uh, Occam's razor would say it's just Ari Aster's ableism showing up again.

Carver: Yeah. [chuckles]

SJ: It feels like the very old archetype of 'good equals beautiful and bad equals ugly.' It's just so regressive and uninteresting that I wish he hadn't included it. What is the point of this character?!

Carver: It really adds little to nothing to the film. It seems sort of like you were saying earlier, used for the same purpose of showing elderly women nude: It's a shock factor, it's to make the most common denominator feel some amount of disgust. It doesn't really feel like it fits even the themes of this movie.

SJ: I agree. And I mean, that's definitely one of the things I dislike. I also don't like that this movie-- *again*-- has, like, zero women involved at any level of production. Since it was filmed in Sweden, they just used a lot of Nordic white dudes... And Aster's next movie is equally white. He's just going to keep doing the same thing, I don't think he's ever going to learn. But, we shall see, Ari.

Carver: We'll see! [chuckles]

SJ: I did want to ask you, do you see Dani as a type of Final Girl? And if so, how does she fit into that canon?

Carver: I think, with the loosest parameters of Final Girl-- which I'm comfortable using here-- Dani is a Final Girl. She starts the movie with the same obstacles against her as everyone else, and because of something inherently different about her, she's able to make it through (at least the film). And the thing that Dani has that's different is *emotional complexity*--

SJ: [laughs] Right. It's true! That is her superpower.

Carver: --And, uh, that's not always what we're looking for in a Final Girl, but I do think it makes her just as tough. The things we expect to see them going through, she, in a way, does. She's put against these insurmountable odds, and just because they look way different than what we're used to doesn't exclude her from being part of that canon.

SJ: Yeah. Isn't the Final Girl also supposed to be the virgin, usually?

Carver: Yes. I'd say that trope gets subverted more and more since Scream came out...

SJ: Since people became aware that the Final Girl was a trope [laughs]. Then they started trying to subvert it.

Carver: Yeah.

SJ: I think there's an element of that to her character, because a comment that one of the douchey guys makes is that she doesn't want to have sex with Christian. That sort of made me think of your classic Final Girl-- as like, not sexual, right? Because the girl who has sex dies first, in your classic horror movie.

Carver: Yes. And I think-- if we're getting into Final Girls-- a lot of the basis of the idea of the Final Girl is because those slasher movies were made during Reaganomics, during an extreme time of demonizing women owning their sexuality. And so, the villain in many of those slasher stories is...Reaganomics. It's the oppressive force coming after people trying to live their lives. And the farther we get from that, the easier it is to subvert those notions.

SJ: Totally. And it's kind of interesting to see versions of Final Girls in different eras.

Carver: I watched a movie recently with a Final Girl who is so unlike anything else I've ever seen, that calling her a Final Girl is a stretch because it's like, is she the villain?

SJ: [intrigued] Mm.

Carver: I, uh, will not recommend it to the squeamish, but the movie Pet is definitely disgusting [SJ chuckles] and unlike anything I've ever seen before. If you really want to see a subversive Final Girl, it would be Holly from that.

SJ: Gotcha. It is interesting to see the evolution of Final Girls, because they started out being very stereotypical, and I think we are getting into more interesting territory with recent horror. The last thing I'll say about Midsommar is, one thing that really irks me? Ari Aster has said a number of times that he wrote this after a really bad breakup, and that he is basically Dani. Now, we know how he writes female characters-- I guarantee you the first draft of this script was gender-swapped. And so, I think about what that would have looked like, and... ew.

Carver: Mhm.

SJ: That would not have gotten made. Like, watching a man drug and set fire to his girlfriend would not play well in a mid-#MeToo era [laughs nervously]. So I'm sure that he got some notes or had some self-awareness to gender-swap those characters. But it really gives me pause to think of what the first version of this movie looked like, if it's taken from his own experiences and his own anger towards his ex-(presumably)girlfriend. I can't help but feel a little ick, ya know?

Carver: Yeah. I think we wouldn't have the same sympathy for Dani, if the roles were reversed there...

SJ: No.

Carver: ...But I also feel like we may have even had *more* sympathy for them, before everything happened.

SJ: Hmm...

Carver: I think because of the way we see gender and relationships, it's easy to kind of say, "Well, is she being a little naggy in the beginning? Is she calling too much?" They're able to put us in her shoes, where we're second guessing those things, whereas if a man was, like, calling and trying to be emotionally vulnerable with his girlfriend, we'd be like, [fawning] "Oh, good for him! Good for him, having a depth of emotion!" Because that's where our bar-- [laughing]

SJ: Ha, right!

Carver: --for the representation of men is.

SJ: Oh my God, it's so true. Well, I know on your show you always like to end with some recommendations, so would you kick us off?

Carver: Absolutely. This is a movie that, when I first saw it, Ari Aster was the first person I thought of-- specifically the shot in Hereditary where he's being followed down the hall, and it starts from behind him and goes over and turns, which I think is a very distinct shot that you don't see very often. There is an Australian film from 1982 called Next of Kin. It actually didn't get a worldwide release until 2019. It's available on Tubi, Shudder, and if you endorse the monster, Amazon Prime... [chuckles]

SJ: [through pursed lips] Myeah.

Carver: It's about a college student who returns to the small town where her family owns a home for the elderly, after her mother dies, and the events of her mother's diary start happening to her. It's part giallo, part haunted house story, and it is immaculate, especially for being made in a time where most films coming out of Australia were called "Ausploitation," because they were just purely exploitation films. And I think this really subverts a lot of what was happening there at the time.

SJ: Interesting. How did you come across that one?

Carver: Uh, I will watch everything on Shudder. Two years ago, I was living in a house without internet, and I watched 100 horror movies in a year-- 100 new-to-me horror movies, not including rewatches.

SJ: Wow.

Carver: And I feel like I really pushed my knowledge of the genre, by pushing myself that way.

SJ: That's very impressive. Henceforth, you will be my go-to horror person. [both laugh] You've watched everything, and I am still really a noob at this genre, so you've been a great reference. I haven't listened to every episode of your podcast, but I've been catching up on some older ones and I try to keep up with the new ones. But it always gives me something new to put on my list, or helps me reconsider a film I've already seen, from a different lens. So, I appreciate what y'all are doing on Spooky & Gay.

Carver: Thank you! So glad to hear it.

SJ: It's a good time, it really is.

Carver: I'm glad. You know, we sat together watching movies and we're like, "We have such a good time. Let's share this with other people."

SJ: I love that. I think some of the best podcasts are ones that just feel like conversations between friends. As a listener, you feel like you're there with them, like you're just having a good chat with your friends about something, or geeking out about something.

Carver: Always feel free to cook dinner with us in your ears. [laughs]

SJ: And I have! I have, actually. [both laugh] Um, I guess for my recommendations, I will try to cancel out the straightness, whiteness and maleness of Ari Aster's films. [chuckles] There's a TV show called Evil. Have you watched this?

Carver: I haven't watched Evil.

SJ: It's from a husband-and-wife creative team, Robert and Michelle King, who also created The Good Wife (which was excellent) and The Good Fight (which was even more excellent and got me through the tr*mp years). They're a fantastic satirical creative duo, and Evil is no exception. It's tackling all these really current, zeitgeisty things, using the genre of horror. It is a bit of a monster-of-the-week sometimes, but the monsters and demons tend to be more human than supernatural in nature, whether it's police brutality or incels going on shooting sprees. Every episode is different and kind of knocks your socks off in a new way. Sometimes it is *genuinely* scary, and sometimes it's mostly funny, but it's a great balance. And I'm just recommending it to everyone, because it feels really underrated. I don't know many other people who are watching it, but it's *such* a good show. And of course, there are a lot of really great women-directed horror movies, so I have listed some of our faves in the shownotes as well for people to check out.

All right! This was fantastic. It was really good to talk to you more in-depth.

Carver: Thank you so much for having me on, that was great!

SJ: Thank you for rewatching those movies even though-- [cracking up] --even though they traumatize you and, uh, you didn't necessarily like them.

Carver: You know, I got to the halfway point in Midsommar, and I realized I had stopped taking notes because I was just so engrossed by it.

SJ: Oh really?

Carver: I don't regret doing it at all. It just really took a lot to get myself to do it. But once I did, I enjoyed it again.

SJ: Oh, good. I'm glad at least one was a more or less enjoyable viewing experience. [chuckles]

Carver: I honestly think that article made my viewing experience of Hereditary worse--

SJ: Yeah!

Carver: --'cause I was really looking for the trans allegory, and where I found it, I did not like it.

SJ: Yes! Same.

Carver: And I hate to say that, because I love supporting trans writers, and I'm so glad that they saw themselves in that. But it is just not something I can see myself in...well. [chuckles]

SJ: It's a good example of how trans people are not a monolith, you know? We have varying opinions on things too, and something that resonates for them didn't resonate for us-- That's okay!

Carver: Yeah.

SJ: [faux-dramatically] We contain multitudes, don't we?

Carver: Truly. [both laugh]

SJ: Like all people! Imagine that.

Carver: Right? [chuckling]

SJ: Well, it's been a blast talking to you, Carver. I'm really glad we got to do this. Thanks so much for sticking with me for...2 hours? 3 hours, now? Oh my God. [tired and apologetic] Yeah, it's been 3 hours.

Carver: Happy to do so. I could talk about this forever, so you're with good company. [chuckles good-naturedly]

SJ: [smiling] Appreciate it. [determinedly] I will see you on TikTok.

Carver: Absolutely. [chuckles]

[Harga music from Midsommar plays in background]

SJ: For more discussion of all things horror, check out Carver's podcast, Spooky & Gay with Carver and Jay. And for more discussion of all things pop culture, hit the 'follow' or 'subscribe' button on this here podcast. I promise we really never talk about the stuff made by straight white guys-- This was a one-off. Following some of Midsommar's themes though, our next episode will be the continuation of our series on mental health representation in TV and film. Patrons of the show get first looks at new episodes, plus bonus content and listener polls. So if you enjoyed this episode and would like more, or just want to show your support for all the hard work that went into it, check out Patreon.com/popculty. Huge thank-you as always to our sustaining patrons: Suzy, Denise, Alexandra, and Mary. And thank you, dear listener, for spending time with us. You can spend more time with Carver on TikTok @acamp.slasher, and me over on Tumblr.com/popculty. Until next time: Stay critical, support women directors, and demand representation.

[music concludes]

SJ: Sorry, I feel like I'm going on. [dramatically] I have a lot of feelings! [both laugh]

[divinesouldariax]

"I'm tired of thinking, let's just make out or something" with Ashton/Milo bc I know we're both dying to get them to kiss

Send me prompts?

Thank u my friend, u know EXACTLY what i want :D Even if this fic kinda drove me nuts bc i am simply not very practiced with writing kisses. Also the prompt list was hurt/comfort and this turned out to be literally Just Fluff lmao. I promise to make up for that by being extra angsty in the other prompt u sent me. I hope u enjoy it! <3

Word count: 1,111

Content warnings: brief mentions of injuries/brain trauma and memory issues and struggling with school, brief discussion about boundaries and touch-averseness, kissing

*

It was a point of pride to Milo that when Ashton had decided to start taking classes again after the accident had forced them to stop a few years ago, they were the only person he would go to for help on their schoolwork. Ashton knew he would never have to explain or justify their memory problems or difficulty grasping new concepts to Milo, and Milo knew never to press Ashton when he said that he was done working. 

Milo wasn't the greatest teacher in the world, which they reminded Ashton of often, and Ashton always responded with something along the lines of "And I'm not the greatest fucking student, so it's a perfect arrangement." It seemed to work, anyway. Ashton was passing their classes, and Milo was honestly just happy to be spending time with him.

Today, they were sitting on the couch together talking about how to approach making a notes page for Ashton to use on tests reminding him which calculator functions to use for which stats problems. Ashton seemed distracted. They weren't closing their eyes or touching his temples like he did when a migraine was coming on, though, so Milo didn't ask if they wanted to stop.

After a little while, Ashton cleared his throat. "I'm tired of thinking," he announced abruptly. "Let's just make out or something."

Milo stared. Blinked a few times. Wondered if there was any possible way they had heard Ashton correctly. "...are you aware that you just said that out loud?" they asked genuinely.

Ashton was looking off into the distance over Milo's shoulder. "Mm-hmm. Fuck, I'm gonna fucking kill Anni if she was lying."

If she--ohhh, not if I kill her first. "Did Anni fucking tell you I was--" Milo could already feel their face heating up.

"Might have said something."

Milo groaned and dropped their calculator and notebook and pencil off the side of the couch to bury their face in their hands.

"We don't have to--I made this really weird, huh? Fuck. We can--rewind, say I had a little fuckin' brain moment and just move on with our lives," Ashton babbled. "I didn't really mean to say it like that, that was fucking out of nowhere. I hate--fucking talking. God damn it."

"No, it's fine!" Milo wasn't sure if it was actually fine, but they knew they didn't want Ashton to feel shitty about it. "I'm a little confused?! I think? Was that a...do you want to...or did Anni just tell you that I…"

"Actually what she told me was that if I didn't do something to show you how I feel sometime in the next week, she was gonna plug in her amp in the hallway by my door and play me an electric violin solo at five in the morning every day for a month because she's apparently tired of living in a house where everyone's pining," Ashton recounted. "Pretty much word for word. I actually remember the phrasing, it was that vivid."

Startled, Milo laughed. They would get back to the "show you how I feel" thing in a minute, but they needed to process how ridiculous this was first. "So you decided to suggest making out with absolutely no warning?!"

"I swear to fucking god, that was at least partially impulsive brain fuckery," Ashton said, half laughing and half defensively.

"I believe you. Holy shit," Milo exclaimed. "That's one way to do it. God. Okay. First of all, and we'll be circling back to feelings, don't worry, but Ashton, I have never heard you say that you want to make out with anyone. You hate being touched."

"That's not...necessarily true?"

Milo raised their eyebrows. "Ash, you once hissed at me when I tried to rub your back when you got sick after drinking too much on a new med."

"I don't remember that," Ashton admitted. "But--no, I mean, yeah, it tracks. I definitely hate being touched when I feel fucking awful. And by people I don't know. But not all the time by everybody."

"That's--how have I lived with you for three years without knowing that?" Milo said, bewildered. "I really thought you just hated being touched in general this whole time."

"To be fair, I never corrected you."

"Yeah! But I never asked. Anyway, I'm getting distracted." Milo knew that their cheeks were probably flushed quite a dark pink by now. "I gotta get something clear. You like me?" Fuckety fuck, they sounded like a fucking middle schooler. 

"Yeah, I didn't actually think I was being subtle about it? Anni sure seemed to think it was stupid that we hadn't figured it out yet."

"Am I just an entire dumbass then?" Milo couldn't help but laugh. Their heart was beating so quickly, but the absurdity of it all was keeping them from turning into a total flustered mess. It was a little bit perfect.

Ashton shrugged, a little too casually. “If you are, then I am. So, uh, Anni wasn’t lying, then? You’re into me, too?”

“Oh, I was, uh, not prepared for this conversation at three in the afternoon completely sober without a head’s up,” Milo stated. 

“You good? Like I said, we can forget this–”

“Absolutely fucking not.” Milo wanted to just surge forward and kiss him, but several years of friendship where their habit had been to avoid touching Ashton whenever possible so they didn’t make him uncomfortable was hard to overcome. “Yes. Yes, I’m…yes. This is ridiculous. Do you actually want to make out?”

“I mean, I definitely don’t want to be doing stats anymore,” Ashton said with a wry little grin.

“...was that a yes–”

“Yes, oh my god.”

“I feel like it’s something to be very, very sure of before starting!” Milo defended themself, feeling like Ashton was teasing them at least a little bit. “I don’t want to hurt you accidentally.”

“Which is why I’m very sure that it’s gonna be fine.” Ashton put out their hand. “C’mon, apparently we’ve been wasting time.”

God, it was that kind of confidence, even with the initial uncertainty, that made Milo find Ashton so incredibly attractive. They let Ashton take their hand and pull them close, almost into his lap. Before they could even really conceive of the fact that oh, fuck, Ashton really is letting me touch him, they were kissing. Ashton’s initial comment about not wanting to be thinking anymore was onto something, because every rational thought in Milo’s head began vanishing.

We’re definitely gonna have to have a conversation about this later, Milo thought faintly, but for now, they would just focus on Ashton’s hands against their waist and his lips on theirs.

Send me prompts?

[justastarholder]

Aha hello it’s the nosy person again

(Sorry for asking so many questions, every time I send an ask, I think of like ten more, if I’m annoying you or something just let me know and I’ll stop)

If you haven’t guessed already, I have more questions again. It’s just the way you word things, Afton!! You make it all sound so mysterious. So you were a familiar once? Interesting. What was it like? What made you want to… well, transition to the goals you have now? According to your responses, it sounds like demons are just corrupted gods, existing to keep the world in a sort of balance. What kind of debt do you owe to… the Aberration? How did you even go about seeking him out? Also, how do you feel about being a demon that looks like an old decrepit rabbit? (I mean no insults by this, just my observations)

Why did you adopt kids? Why did you even go about having kids? You don’t really strike me as the type of demon that would want children to take care of. How do demons even have kids? All right, with (most) of the serious questions I have out of the way, how about some (two) questions about your preferences instead?

Who’s your least favorite god? Favorite? And those are all of my questions ahaha…. (I ask far too many I’m so sorry-)

Hello!

Before I bully Afton- ahem- ask our friendly rabbit to answer your questions: You're not annoying! Afton may make cranky comments, but those are purely the character. I've had lots of fun reading and answering your questions! You never have to worry about sending too many asks or asking too much. If it's something I can't answer for spoiler reasons, I will let you know! I'm honestly happy to answer most questions, so long as they're not just downright insults or bullying. I also try to keep the characters amiable, even if they're the antagonists.

"Oh boy. Here we go..."

The rabbit rose from the throne with a soft groan, making his way down the steps to pace absently.

"Yes, I was a familiar. I can't really tell you about my early years. I was a young rabbit and don't really remember much of the first twenty years or so. But I do recall the moon god. I adored them. We had a good bond. There was also Hermea- the familiar of the sun god. He was this great, golden bear. We were good friends. And his daughter, Charmea, was the reason I ended up deciding to foster a child in the first place... She was so bright. Eventually Hermea had a son, too. Fred'r." He half-smiled, recalling those simpler days.

"I think you ought to know how children are made," Afton mused. "The reason I adopted was because I had no love of my own to mother a child- so I adopted a young fox god... Redtail. He was a good kid, a god born from a legend, so he had no parents of his own. Redtail was always a bit rough around the edges. He was like me in that way, I suppose. Rushing forward with his heart on his sleeve."

"I did eventually have two children, but their mother and I weren't exactly in love, so I took them in and she left. My daughter, Elizabeth and younger son, Evan. They were human, like their mother. By this time I was well into my godhood, so it wasn't all that strange. Evan and Elizabeth never really got on with Redtail, since he was so much older. But I loved all of my children, regardless of what history will say about me."

The rabbit moved to one of the windows. He stared out into the darkness for a long time.

"...It was when Evan died that things shifted." He picked at some of the grime on the glass.

"We all know what happens when the gods die. Their stars remain and become new gods. Their consciousness rejoins the Mother Star, up in the heavens." He sighed, mangled ears dropping.

"But we're not really sure about humans. I mean- we understand decomposition. And sure, you could argue that a body returning to the soil is beautiful in its own right. But what about the mind? What about the soul of my son? Was that it? Was he gone forever?"

Violet light bubbled off of his skeletal hand as he clenched his fist.

"I didn't want to lose my son forever. He was still just a child."

Afton turned back to the tapestry handing just behind the throne. A red banner emblazoned with a glittering gold sun, tattered and ruined.

"I pleaded with the greater gods to find some way to undo it. They told me I was meddling in something I'd be better off leaving alone. I couldn't stand that thought. Even my former master told me that the only choice I had was to let go."

"But I didn't want to let go." The window beside him shattered as he slammed his fist against it.

"I poured myself into my research, and I confess I neglected all else. The humans began to pray for me less and less and I grew weaker. Older." Afton dragged his good hand down his face.

"...And then Elizabeth died, playing around in the ritual room of the temple. Ensnared by one of the very tools I'd created to try and understand how I might bring Evan back to us." Afton laughed bitterly.

"At that point, my oldest son left for the seas. He no longer wanted anything to do with me. And my good friend, Hermea, had lond since taken to wandering... I became desperate. When I again appealed to the greater gods, most of them shunned me. They told me I had only myself to blame... But the youngest of them. He took pity on me and told me a well-kept secret. He told me about the Aberration."

Cold white eyes bore into you. Afton seethed with a hatred that couldn't be fathomed.

"Do you know what corruption is? What it truly is?"

"It's not a disease or some sort of physical change. Corruption is what happens when a god makes a pact with the Aberration. It hasn't happened many times, but I'd take being forsaken by the Mother Star a hundred times over if it meant I could see my children again. I don't care how this body festers. I don't care what it costs."

"...As for what the Aberration asked of me... I'm afraid that I can't say. You'll know soon enough. Everyone will." He turned back to the ruined window.

[skiyoosmi]

post-break up heartaches

verse 3. in the warmth of your love and the comfort of your touch

⤷ sakusa kiyoomi, miya atsumu

⤷ verse 1 | verse 2

⤷ play. i'll be fine somehow by benjamin ingrosso, remember the mornings by clinton kane

commissions: open

⇢ SAKUSA was hardly a believer of gods, firm with following his principles of crediting only the existence of things he can see with his own eyes. he detested myths, fairytales, anything that is far from reality. he thinks they're foolish; you thought otherwise— you adored anything that had something to do fiction, always finding the comfort of it being an escape from the harsh world you live in. it was the very same reason why the living room of the apartment you used to share with him was filled with shelves, full of books that you've read countless times but never got tired of them.

he heaves a sigh as he enters the apartment, shoulders drooping because like any other day, he is met by nothing but silence. his figure stops by the doorway leading to the said living room, eyes scanning the said area with a profound longing swimming in them. he imagines you standing there, bright orbs that were full of wonder looking up the shelves that were much taller than you, in a dilemma because you have no idea what you wanted to read next. and then you'll probably sense his presence because you'll soon turn your head to his direction, giving him a beautiful smile that somehow lifts his mood up. you always felt him, you've always felt everything for him.

"welcome home, kiyoomi."

he feels his heart becoming heavier because after a few seconds, he's pulled back to the reality. you were gone... you weren't coming back and it's all because of him.

"let's get divorce, yn. i... don't feel anything anymore."

he wonders what made him think that way, because his present state was obviously the exact opposite of what has been said to you. regret pools even in the deepest pits of his stomach as he remembers it all— the dinners you prepared with only care and love for him in your mind, his monotonous voice as he spoke those words oh so carelessly, your failed attempts of giving him an understanding smile, only for your lips to wobble as you held in your cries,

i understand, kiyoomi... j-just send me the papers and i-i'll sign them as soon as possible.

the doorbell brings him back from his trail of thoughts, a small light of hope ignited within him that maybe... just maybe it's you. to his disappointment, he's faced by a delivery man, a brown envelope being held out to him, "mr. sakusa kiyoomi?"

he nods, cautiously taking the said object and signing some papers before coming back to the darkness of his house. carefully, he tears it open, his insides slowly but surely becoming twisted altogether as he takes out the contents of the envelope.

hello kiyoomi, you weren't sending any document to me so i took the initiative to get the divorce papers. i guess you're still busy with work so that's understandable. i signed it. i don't want to hold you back from your happiness so yeah, this is it. i... i just want to thank you for making me feel so many things for all the years. it was a pleasure being your wife. it might be a bit overbearing but keep in mind that i'll always love you, my feelings... they're all for you, no matter how many years may pass. goodbye.

sakusa was hardly a believer of gods... but as his hands clutch the diamond ring you once wore close to his chest, he begins to pray to all of them— to give him the power to turn back time, to undo the agony and pain he gave you, to let him see your smile once more, to give you each and every bit of his feelings again—

but like any other day, he is met by nothing but silence.

⇢ ATSUMU furrows his eyebrows together due to the sudden ringing of his doorbell because as far as he can remember, he wasn't supposed to have any guests today. he had already planned to sulk his day off away by watching some sappy dramas and movies, your favorite ones— so who in the world decided to break his agenda?

he huffs, placing the remote he was previously holding on the coffee table, and stands up, footsteps heavy as he trudges towards the door, eyes widening when he sees you through the peephole. he swears he's never opened the front door so fast, "yn!"

his heart quickly thumps against his chest as he takes in your form; despite the slightly visible bags under your eyes (he thinks it's due to you overworking as usual— he hopes it's because you're thinking of him the way he thinks of you), you shone bright like every single day that passed and he can't help but wonder what made him think of letting you go that night. i can find someone better than you, someone who won't bother me every fucking second just because they're so needy for attention, his words echo in his head.

he tries to give you a strained smile, cringing internally as he looks right into your eyes that held nothing but pure anger and disappointment for him, "we're not friends, atsumu. not anymore so drop the friendly act."

you walk past him and heads straight to the painfully familiar bedroom, ignoring the rushing footsteps behind you, along with the quiet begging that escapes his mouth, "i love you, yn. i'm sorry, please."

"i'm just here to get my things, not make amends with you and our relationship," you reply, harshly swallowing the vile feeling that attempts to get out of your throat, "i... i just... i know love isn't supposed ask for something back... but don't you think it was too one-sided considering we're in a relationship, tsumu? i barely see you and talk to you without you feeling all bothered and annoyed. i get it, you're tired... but i am not a punching bag, you don't get to take it out on me every single time you come home."

you take a deep breath, cursing because this was not in any of your plans for today. shoving the last pieces of your remaining things as quick as possible and slinging your bag over your shoulder, you take one last look at the room you once found comfort in, only feeling your heart clench because this same scenario was exactly what happened on your last night here— same break up scenario, same hearts aching, same atsumu looking at you regretfully, same hand that reaches out for you as you both stand by the doorway.

"stay... please. i can't do this without you," he croaks out, the grip on your wrist tightening because he's terrified, scared to let you go, scared that you slip out of his hold and never return.

you don't reply for a moment, not even sparing him a glance, before removing his hand, "i'll... give you a call... maybe... maybe not... i don't know."

you know you'll never do. you think he knows that too— still, he holds onto the hope your words provided him.

but no calls came despite him waiting until past midnight and as he lied on his bed, chest contracting due to the pain his heart feels, he chokes out a pathetic laugh,

so this is what you felt like when i broke countless promises that i made to you, huh, yn?

© SKIYOOSMI, 2021 — reposting, translating, editing, copying and any kind of plagiarism are strictly prohibited, thank you.

[kpop---scenarios]

Torn Apart

Pairing: Chanyeol x Reader

Warning: Smut, Angst, Heartbreak

Word Count: 3.8k

Summary: Chanyeols bestfriend Maya comes to town, and things don't go quite as planned.

Taglist: @biaswreckingfics @littlebetafefe @skittlez-area512 @ohsehunxv

When Chanyeol asked you to be his girlfriend, four years ago, you didn't think it was possible to be any happier. Your relationship with him was almost perfect. Yes you had your ups and downs with him, like any couple but you felt as though you were stronger than any obstacle that could be thrown at you. 

You thought. 

You had never really been the jealous type, you trusted Chanyeol, even if you didn't trust some of the women he was around but you never voiced it. You always kept it to yourself, unwilling to let jealousy be one of the reasons why the two of you fought. You always believed that if you and your partner had trust that it didn't matter what anyone else did. Chanyeol had women that were friends and you got along with them, you had met all of his friends, of course in the amount of time you were dating. Though, there was one friend that he spoke about often that you had yet to meet. 

M, as Chanyeol referred to him, was his best friend in the entire world who had moved to a different country after college. They kept in touch often, talking on the phone a few times a week to keep up with each other. You were happy for him, you were happy that he had such an amazing relationship with M. And you were happy for a few moments when Chanyeol burst through the door this evening, spewing out nonsense in his excited state. 

"It's happening Y/N!" He exclaims, plopping down on the couch beside you. 

"What?" You ask, your excitement building as you anticipate his answer. 

"M is coming for a visit!" He yells. Your mouth drops before turning into a smile. 

"Oh my god." You laugh. "I can't wait to meet him!" You yell. 

"Him?" Chanyeol chuckles. "Y/N, M stands for Maya. Didn't I tell you that?" He wonders. You search his eyes and he seems absolutely sure he told you that and you are absolutely sure he did not tell you that. 

"Oh." You say, sitting back. "So M is a girl.. Maya." You say. 

"Y/N.." Chanyeol trails off. 

"I can't wait to meet her." You smile. "I'm really happy for you." You finish off. 

And you were. But you couldn't help but feel weary about how much they spoke considering he didn't talk to his other female friends that much. You were open minded and were sure you'd get along with her just as you did any other woman. 

"Go get ready quick, we're going to meet Baekhyun, Jongdae and his wife." Chanye tells you, standing up to walk to your shared room. "I can't wait to tell them. They're going to be so excited." 

** 

"I'm sorry, what?" Baekhyun asks, his face clearly unamused by Chanyeol's news. 

"Maya is coming to town! Woo-hoo." He says, trying to amp everyone up and raise his glass for a cheer, but everyone falls silent. 

"Didn't she move away like 6 years ago?" Jongdae asks, taking a sip of his beer. 

"Yeah, but we've kept in contact." Chanyeol says, placing his glass on the table. 

"But why?" Baekhyun asks, taking a shot, his face displeased by the news more than the liquor. 

"You're just jealous she never fell for your pretty face and 'slick moves'." Chanyeol laughs. 

Baekhyun bursts out laughing as he waves his hand in front of his face. "Not at all." He chuckles. "I never hit on her. I had no interest in her, ever." Baekhyun shudders. 

"I don't know how to tell you this man." Jongdae sighs. "She was into you back then, and I can guarantee she's still into you now." He says. 

Chanyeol is still for a moment before he begins to laugh. "There's no way. She's not into me." He laughs, taking a drink. He looks at you and laughs again. "She's definitely not." He says to you. You weren't sure what he was trying to do, but he wasn't reassuring you in the least. 

** 

A few days later Chanyeol barely kissed you as he rushed out the door to meet Sehun, another friend who happened to also be friends with Maya. The night before Chanyeol had jokingly told you that Sehun had shipped him and Maya together but Chanyeol couldn't see it, he didn't think that he was good enough for her. That honestly hurt you a little bit. 

You stayed in the apartment and waited, and waited and you had heard nothing from Chanyeol in hours. You didn't know what was happening and honestly it made you a little anxious until the door knob to the front door turned and Chanyeol, Sehun and a beautiful black haired girl walked in. 

"That place was trash." Sehun laughed. "Our Maya deserves much better." 

"Sehun." She squeals. "You're too much." She finishes with a giggle. 

"And Channie, oh my god. You're so handsome. I've just missed you." She pouts, throwing her arms around him, hugging him tightly. Chanyeol grins as he hugs her back. Your eye ever so slightly twitches as you stand there watching. 

"Oh, hey Y/N." Sehun says, placing Maya's suitcase down. 

"You're Y/N?" She asks, looking you up and down. "You're so adorable." She giggles as he shuffles her way towards you, pulling you in for an awkward hug. You can feel the tension between the two of you, radiating from her body but you weren't sure what you had done to her to make her dislike you already.

"So Maya." You begin, pulling away from her. "What are you going to do while you're here?" You ask. 

"Oh I have everything planned out." Chanyeol interrupts. "We're going to go to that pizza place we went to in college." He laughs, making her giggle along with him. 

"Can we please go to that Cafe? You know the one where.. " She pauses as Chanyeol interjects. 

"Where I spilled my drink all over myself because I was so nervous? You and Sehun enjoyed that" Chanyeol laughs. 

"You were so cute." She laughs, before looking at you. "He told me I was so beautiful it made his hand shake." She smiles. 

"We could go now?" Sehun pipes up, making everyone excitedly agree. The three of them move towards the doorway, leaving you standing there. 

"Aren't you coming?" Chanyeol asks, turning around to look at you. 

"Oh, yeah, sure." You smile, grabbing your purse. As the four of you walk out the door, you can't help but feel unwanted by at least two of the people there. 

** 

Over the next few days, the invites you received became less and less. Chanyeol and Maya had decided to go to a pizza parlor that they frequented in college, and you were the afterthought after they had already made plans to go. Even when Chanyeol invited you, you could feel that Maya didn't want you there but you tried to ignore it and went along with them anyway. 

"Oh my god." Maya giggles. "You're right, this place hasn't changed at all." She laughs, looking around the parlor. "This is the exact table we always sat at too, oh Channie, you sure know how to make a girl so happy." She squeals, leaning her head on his shoulder. Chanyeol let out a small chuckle as he looked at her, almost admiring her leaning onto him as you sat across from the two friends, who looked alot like a couple. 

"Chanyeol? Maya?" You hear from in front of you. A little old Italian man walks up to the table with a giant smile on his face, looking at the two. "I thought that was you guys! It's been years." He smiles. "Please tell me you're finally together. I always thought the two of you would make such an amazing couple." He says, praising them and ignoring your existence. 

"This is my girlfriend actually." Chanyeol laughs, gesturing to you. 

"But who knows what the future holds." Maya chuckles, giving you a quick glare before focusing on Chanyeol once again. 

Maya made your blood boil. You were positive she was trying to take Chanyeol from you, but you knew your innocent boyfriend would never see it. He was far too invested in their friendship to think anything more could ever happen between the two of them. But that didn't stop you from absolutely hating this girl. 

That night you walked back home, behind Chanyeol and Maya who had linked arms and were deep in a discussion about something. You shivered with your arms crossed as the cool breeze hit you head on. You walked a little faster, standing next to your boyfriend and looking at him with a smile on your face. Just as he noticed you, he began shrugging off his jacket. 

"Oh babe, you're so sweet. I was just about to ask you for your jacket." You grin. 

"Oh, sorry Y/N, Maya asked for it already." He says, handing her the jacket. 

"Thanks handsome." She purrs. You stop walking and watch this girl put his jacket on and smell it, complementing the smell of his cologne, the one that you picked out for him. Instead of saying anything you just walked faster, passing the two of them and making it back to the apartment faster. That night you went to bed early, trying to avoid saying something that you probably should not say. 

That night Chanyeol crawled in beside you, wrapping his arm around your waist to pull you in closer to him. He nuzzled his head into your neck as he breathed in your scent. "I'm sorry about the jacket baby." He breathes. "I should have given it to you." 

"It's fine." You sigh. "You know I love you right?" 

"I love you, so much baby." He whispers, pushing his hard cock into your ass. "So much." 

You let out a small whimper as he reaches down, lifting up your shirt and lifting your leg to rest on his hip. He pulls down his boxers, just enough for his cock to spring free before he pushes himself inside of you, stretching out your pussy. 

"Fuck." You hiss, as your eyes roll back. It had been too long since you felt him inside of you. Chanyeol slowly thrusts his hips, pulling himself in and out of you, the sounds of your heavy breathes filling the room. "So fucking tight." He groans, his hand reaching under your shirt to cup your breast, squeezing it as he fucks you. 

You let out a loud moan making him cover your mouth with his hand, making it easier for him to hold you close, as he continues sliding his cock in and out of you. Chanyeol moves his hand down from your mouth and in between your lips, his fingertips touching your clit causing you to let out a heavy breath. His finger turns in circles as he rubs your sweet spot, his thrusts becoming a little faster as his own orgasm builds. 

"You need to cum for me, baby." He groans, now not caring about being loud. The sound of skin slapping fills the room along with your moans as you squeeze your pussy around his cock, gripping it tightly. 

"Cum baby, cum." He grunts. Your hand grips the bedsheet as your orgasm takes over, pushing through your entire body. Chanyeol holds onto you tightly as he thrusts harder, cumming even harder, shooting his load inside of you, both of you left panting as he pulls out of you and rolls on his back. You get up and head to the bathroom to clean yourself up and as you go, you can hear Chanyeol whispering "I'll always love you.." mumbling a name before drifting off to sleep. 

** 

The next morning you wake up in the late morning, Chanyeol's side of the bed is already cold, he's been gone for a while already. You check your phone and there's nothing from him, there's no note in the living room. You knock on Maya's door, peeking inside and seeing she's gone as well. You're a little upset that he didn't tell you anything but you decided to try and let it go, even though it seemed like you had been letting a lot go in the past few days that she had been around. 

That night, around 8pm, Chanyeol and Maya entered the apartment laughing together before even noticing your presence in the living room.

"Oh hey babe." Chanyeol says, seeing you sitting on the couch, watching a show. 

You said nothing. He didn't want to contact you all day, so why should you even respond? 

"I'm going to go take a shower." Maya announces, heading to the bathroom and leaving you and Chanyeol in the living room alone. 

"You okay?" He asks, sitting next to you, placing his large hand onto your thigh, giving it a tight squeeze. 

"Where were you?" You ask, turning to look at him, clearly unimpressed. 

"We just went out to meet some old friends babe." He says. "I'm sorry I didn't text or anything, we got caught up." He sighs. 

You let out a sigh as well. You have a hard time being mad at him. "I'm sorry I was mad. You had left before I woke up and I didn't know anything, it sucked." You explain. "Are you hungry? I can order dinner?" You suggest picking up your phone. 

"That's okay." He smiles, standing up. "Maya and I went to that new Italian restaurant for dinner. It was really good." He exclaims.

"The new one? The one that I wanted to try with you? That we made plans to go together?" You ask, feeling hurt by this. 

"Shit.. I'm sorry baby. I didn't even think about that. We can still go. It'll be good!" He says, trying to make the situation a little better. 

"Ooh, where are we going?" You hear from around the corner. Out pops Maya, draped in a towel, water droplets still running down her body. 

"Y/N and I are going to go to that Italian restaurant." Chanyeol tells her. 

"It's so good. I'd go back there. Just let me know when." She smiles, walking back to her room. You look at Chanyeol and roll your eyes and head to your room. Your appetite was completely gone. 

** 

The next day, Chanyeol had told you that he and Maya were going to meet some friends, and you were welcome to come, if you wanted to. 

"I'm good." You say. "You go." 

Chanyeol and Maya left the apartment, giggling to each other about whatever they had been talking about and you thought nothing of it. Until two hours later you got a text from Baekhyun, asking you why you weren't at Jongdae's. 

[7:58pm] You: What do you mean, why am I not there. Is something happening tonight?: 

[8:01pm] Baekhyun: Their annual potluck dinner?? Did Chanyeol not tell you?

You sit there, gripping your phone as you replay your conversation with Chanyeol in your head. Never once had he mentioned a potluck dinner, or the fact that they were going to meet friends that were also your friends. 

[8:06pm] You: No he didn't tell me. Just said they were meeting friends and I could come. And Maya added "if you wanted too." 

[8:09pm] Baekhyun: Typical. Chanyeol and Maya made your Buffalo chicken dip. I want to hate it. But I can't. Sehun keeps calling them Mayeol. I hate that. 

So he didn't tell you about the dinner, but they also cooked a dish together to bring. Seemed like she was more in a relationship with Chanyeol than you were. You didn't even know what to say to him, or how to bring it up, but this hurt you. You were torn on what to do. Did you let it go or did you confront him? Your mind was telling you to let it go but your heart most definitely wanted to talk to him about it and let him know how hurt you had been by this. 

A few hours later you hear the door being unlocked. You ignore the sounds of talking as they enter the apartment, focusing your eyes and ears on the drama you had currently been binging. 

"Hey Y/N." Chanyeol smiles, walking into the living room. Maya walks directly past the both of you and into her room, closing the door behind her. 

"Don't hey me." You spit. 

"Woah, what did I do?" Chanyeol asks, standing up. 

"It's what you didn't do." You fiercely whisper. "Baek texted me and asked me why I wasn't at the annual potluck that I have attended for the last 4 years. It's really embarrassing to say that you, my boyfriend, neglected to tell me and instead brought Maya." You spit. "Not to mention that you made my fucking recipe with her!" 

Chanyeol stands there looking dumbfounded as you quietly yell at him, fully aware that Maya was in the next room. You had had enough. You were being excluded on purpose and you were 98% sure she wanted to take Chanyeol from you, but he was to blind to see it. Your nails are digging into your palms as you try to control your breathing. 

"I've had enough of her here. She needs to find somewhere else to stay. I can't do this anymore." You say, tears brimming in your eyes. 

"Y/N, she's my best friend, I can't just kick her out." He sighs. 

"Out of everything I've said, that's what you have to comment on? So what am I to you? A replacement until who you truly want finally came back?" You ask. You don't even give him a chance to reply. "You better sleep on the couch tonight or I might actually choke you like I want to do right now." You sigh, walking into your bedroom and slamming the door. 

**

The next morning you walk into your living room, rubbing your eyes and you see Chanyeol laying on the couch, half asleep with Maya sitting on top of him smiling while eating a bowl of cereal. Before you can say anything, there's a knock at the door, taking you out of the room before you lose it. You open the door and there stands Sehun with a smile on his face, until he sees you and then it drops. "Maya here?" He asks. 

"Obviously." You sigh, letting him in and pointing to the living room. When you return, Chanyeol is sitting up with a blush spread across his face as Maya sits on the other side of the couch, looking annoyed as she finishes her cereal. 

"Me and Chanyeol will move your stuff into my place and then we'll go look at places today, okay?" He smiles, sitting across from Maya.

"Sounds wonderful." She grins. 

"You're moving here?" You ask, shocked. 

"Of course." She smirks.

Chanyeol and Sehun leave the room, grabbing Maya's things and heading out to take them to Sehun's place, leaving you alone with this woman. 

"Look." She starts off. You think she's going to offer some kind of apology, but you should have known better. "I was stupid to take off all those years ago, I loved Chanyeol then and I love him now. The two of you are still just.. dating, aren't you? Has he even brought up marriage to you yet? It's funny, because he always used to tell me he didn't see the point of being with someone unless he knew he was going to marry them, and that he would know by 2 years into dating. And you two have been together for how long? And still no ring? What a shame." She smiles. 

"You can't have him." You bark. "He's mine." 

"Is he though? I don't know about that one." She whispers as the door opens, and Sehun calls for Maya. "See you later. Thanks for having me." She smiles, grabbing her purse and walking out of your apartment. The door closes and Chanyeol didn't even come to say goodbye to you or anything.

** 

Over the next few days, things with Chanyeol had been weird. When he crawled into bed with you, his back was turned to you, and he wouldn't cuddle with you anymore. Sometimes you woke up in the morning and he was sleeping on the couch. You didn't quite understand what was going on, or you just chose not to see it. 

"Morning." You smile at him, walking into the kitchen. You go up to him for a kiss, and he looks at you before turning away. 

"Sorry Y/N,  gotta make a call." He mumbles, walking out of the kitchen and out the front door.  

Some nights he didn't come home until extremely late, or just later then his usual and it was killing you slowly. 

Today you didn't hear from him all day, until he showed up back at home, at 9pm. "Hey." He sighs, walking into the kitchen. 

"Hi." You whisper back. "What's going on with you? Why are you out so late all the time?" 

"Y/N, you know I'm just hanging out with friends.  

"Friends." You scoff. "Maya. She wants you." You blurt out. "Did you know that? Because we haven't talked about marriage, and apparently you said you'd propose to the one after two years and we've been together for four. So to her she thinks she has a chance." You whisper the last part.

"Christ Y/N, what is your obsession with her wanting me. We're just friends." He snaps. 

"I didn't know friends made out like that." You yell.  

Chanyeol says nothing, just stares at you, and you get the worst feeling in your stomach. 

"I saw you today, in front of the library." You say. "I didn't want to believe it. I wanted to think that she kissed you and you would push her off. But you pulled her in instead. So clearly she does have a chance. " You whisper. 

"Y/N.. it's.. it's complicated." He stutters. "I didn't think I had feelings for her..  until she came back and then everything came rushing back. I love you.. but I also love her. I've loved you both for so long. I don't know what to do." He mumbles. 

"I refuse to be anything but someone's first choice." You sniffle. "Go, be with her then. I'm done." 

"Y/N please, just give me some time to sort things out." He begs. 

"Why? When there's a possibility it's not me, I'm not going to wait around for you to decide if you love me enough, or love her more. My heart has been through enough by you. If you really did truly love me, you wouldn't even be questioning it right now, Chanyeol. You've made your decision already, now get out." 

Chanyeol walked out of your apartment without any more words spoken. You still loved him, and you were pretty sure you always would, even if you had been torn apart. 

[giorno-plays-piano]

Vicious

Part VI

Pairing: Steve x reader, Bucky x reader, Thor x reader, Loki x reader, Peter x reader

Warnings: yandere, obsession, stalking, possessiveness, theft, mention of blackmail, all characters are adults.

Words: 1567.

Summary: Transferring to Stark Academy that has only allowed to take in female students last semester, you realize you are just one of three young women among hundreds of students. Your things are constantly being stolen, and soon you begin fearing for your safety.

Part I

Part II

Part III

Part IV

Part V

________

You spent the rest of your evening like a somnambulist, barely able to concentrate on your projects before you went to bed, barely finishing half of the things you planned for today. Even the change of locks didn't make you as happy as you thought it would. It felt like something between a dream and a nightmare.

Lying in the dark, you stared at the ceiling, thinking of what happened just a couple of hours ago. Why did he do it? Was it just out of habit and didn’t mean anything? Naturally, with his appearance and easy-going attitude, he probably dated many girls and didn’t think much before kissing someone he liked.

Remembering the way he talked to you in the morning, you thought he must have pretended to be shy around you. Thor certainly wasn’t sheepish.

Was it all a sham? Was Loki right about all of them, playing their roles to get close to you? You couldn’t forget the way Thor looked the moment he told you about being smart. It was like something switched inside him, and for a second you saw the real Thor who was far from being your simple, good-natured athlete.

Why did you keep thinking about that stupid kiss even after seeing the man could be dangerous?

Aroused and angry, you tossed and turned until you fell asleep.

____________

Waking up was especially tough, despite the fact you didn't really do much yesterday, meaning you were going to spend your weekend studying. Shoot, and that's when you planned to visit that new chocolate boutique in the city. Maybe you could still make it if you spent more time studying today?

But then again, going to the city alone might be a bad idea. Even if the guys who stole your things were beaten, it didn't mean it had always been the same people following you. The school was full of weirdos, in the end. What if somebody went after you? Steve would definitely say you had to bring one of your guards with you.

Damn. It was better staying in the dorm then.

"Good morning! Are you ready?" Peter's voice broke through the silence, and you flinched, hurriedly applying some lipstick because you didn't have enough time to put your makeup properly.

Well, at least you were fully dressed.

"Just give me a second!" Picking up your bag, you put your shoes on and opened the door, looking at a young guy who's face was lit up like a Christmas tree. "Hi!"

He definitely liked what he saw, and you felt your cheeks growing hot from embarrassment. From the very start of the semester Peter acted very sweet around you, and you thought you could be friends with him. He wouldn't do something as ugly as blackmailing, would he? Thor said it too. Clearly, Steve was exaggerating.

"Did you sleep well? I've heard you changed your lock, so now it'll be better."

"Ugh, I hope so. But I still sleep with my dresser blocking the door." Sighing, started walking, afraid to look in the faces of other students, hurrying off to school.

They must have been disgusted, watching you being friendly with one guy after being all lovey-dovey with the other just yesterday. Although you didn't see anyone in particular, you were sure somebody saw Thor kissing you. And now you were walking the corridors with Peter.

"By the way, what's your Insta?"

What? Your Instagram? Whatever for? Although you had no idea why he needed it, you let him add you, by the time leaving the dorm and walking towards the main building.

Suddenly, Peter got pretty close, his arm on your waist as he lifted up his phone and hummed, "Look here and smile!"

Before you realized what he was doing, the boy kissed your temple, and you heard the sound of a photo being taken by his front-facing camera. What the Hell?!

"Peter!" Pissed at him, you quickly break free and stepped back, but he was already looking at his phone, editing the photo and posting it almost immediately.

You heard your phone buzz when he marked you on the photo.

"That's a good one. You look very cute here."

"What are you doing?!"

"Making a proof we're dating, of course?"

You were taken aback by the sincerity in his voice, and Peter smiled from ear to ear like an excited teenager, showing you the picture: it wasn't that bad, and you looked as if you were slightly embarrassed by Peter's closeness. Oh, of course. He had to convince his friends he was dating you, but he didn't kiss you on the lips that could make other people too suspicious. Instead, friends of Barnes or, say, Thor, would still think it was all for show, and it was their friend who dated you for real.

Shit, Steve's plan was incredibly complicated, and you didn't like it at all.

"Oh, alright." You mumbled, lowering your eyes to the ground, and Peter laughed.

"We'll make a TikTok dance later. If you wanna make people talk, just use your social media." He winked at you and put the phone in the pocket of his pants, resuming walking, and you moved along, your face still hot.

God, what did these guys got you into? You felt like you were lost in the middle of a play, not even having a script to read what was your role in all this.

Before you parted your ways, going to a different classrooms, Peter talked about videogames, the upcoming Resident Evil - apparently, his favorite franchise - and some Dota tournament, but you didn't know much about it, and Peter offered to show you his favorite games "because you can't spend all your time studying!"

He was as careless and sweet as always, but you couldn't get Steve's words out of your mind. Damn, if only you could know for sure that Peter didn't blackmail anyone. Who could you talk to about it? Obviously, not Peter himself, but every time he spoke you had that nagging feeling you needed to talk to him. You barely kept your mouth shut before he went to a different room.

Ugh, why didn't you transfer anywhere else when you still had a chance? Obviously, now you could only drop out of school, and it definitely wasn't something you were going to do.

Luckily, the next couple of hours you were busy with your classes, trying your best to prepare for the upcoming exams. The academy held high standards, and even though you were a good student, it still took lots of efforts to keep up the good work. How Thor even managed to get enrolled, judging by the fact he hated studying and often skipped classes?

Ah yes, he mentioned something about getting a scholarship from the academy for his success in the sport.

By the lunch time you were drained, listening to Peter chatting with an absent-mindedly epxression on your face. Funny enough, Peter's grades were better than yours, even though he spent much less time studying. What, was he some genius like Loki? You felt a little envy.

"I gotta go take my tracksuit, I have PE next," the boy said, and you nodded, throwing away the leftovers of your lunch.

As you stood close while he grabbed his sportclothes, you heard two guys talking behind the lockers to your right.

"Have you seen her today? She's with Parker!"

You tensed immediately. Of course, they were talking about you.

"Yeah, so what?"

"She was with Thor yesterday!"

Watching you froze on the spot, Peter stilled too, listening carefully. Oh shit, you hoped no one cared about who you went with - why should they, in the end - but, apparently, you were drawing too much attention simply because you were a girl among hundreds of male students.

"So what?" The other guy asked impatiently, growing tired of this conversation.

"Are you stupid? She's going out with them! I bet she's looking for a guy." The first student said with excitement, and you cringed. No, you weren't going out with anyone, you wanted to stop the weirdos from following you and steeling your things. Was it too much to ask?

"Yeah, who cares?"

"We have three fucking girls in the whole school, and you don't care if one of them could be going out with you? Besides, this one's pretty. I'd fuck her!"

You felt like you were going to puke any moment. Why on Earth did you decide to transfer to an all-boys school? It was like the whole school were a men’s room filled with stupid-ass guys, and you were locked inside, forced to listen them talk junk.

"You'd fuck a sheep, weirdo. Go get yourself a girlfriend if you can’t stop thinking with your dick.”

Laughing, the guy left, and his friend followed him, shouting something stupid while you breathed out a sigh of relief. Of course, you knew there would be some talk, but you didn’t expect it to be so... gross. Were you really gonna spend the two remaining years here?

Watching you getting frustrated, Peter gently touched you by the arm and said softly, “Don’t worry. They won’t talk rubbish about you.”

“What do you mean?” Suddenly thinking of Steve’s words, you blurted out exactly what you were thinking of the whole day, “Are you going to blackmail them with something?”

“I... what?”

Part VII

__________

Tags: @finleyjayne @alexakeyloveloki   ​@helenaeisenhower @villanellevi @hurricanerin ​@inlovewiththefictionalcharacters @chris-evans-indian-fanfic @navegandoaciegas @rosalynshields @brattycherub @sllooney @angrythingstarlight @lookiamtrying @buckysbunny @stargazingfangirl18 @dillybuggg @literate-lamb @cosicas-cuquis @sarge-barnes-sir @buckybarnesplumwhore @jaysayey @megzdoodle @gotnofucks @lux-ravenwolf @ximebebx @jeremyrennerfanxxxx123 @sourpatchspinster @biiskuitx @stupendouslovegardener @iheartsebandchris @lovelydarkdaydream @soleil-dor @illyrianprincess @vampirestrawberries @goodgodimaweirdperson @frontmanash @freya-heya @yandematic @mariatietacapitu @d3monslust @maybesandohnos @ibeatuptwinks @mangobangi

[nicoleheichou]

Now All I See Is Color - chapter 16: nasty 🤢

♡ masterlist ♡ 《 previous | next 》

In a world where soulmates exist, it's uncommon for most people to find theirs. A lot of them going their whole lives never experiencing the world in color because they've never met their soulmate. But that all changes for y/n when she becomes MSBY Jackals player, Miya Atsumu's assistant. They're about to experience the world in color together. But what does that mean for y/n when both her and Atsumu are in committed relationships?

Atsumu finds himself in his car, beside him his girlfriend of almost two years, who he hasn't seen in three months. He should feel happy, ecstatic even, but he doesn't feel any of that. Instead, he finds himself wishing for someone else to be sitting in that passenger seat next to him.

"Aren't you excited to see me baby?" A voice snaps him back to reality. "Of course am excited to see ya baby. Am just really surprised, am still recovering from it." He replies, feeling guilty for lying to her. She places a hand on his cheek, forcing him to look at her. He realizes it's the first time he's gotten to look at her properly since being able to see colors and he notices one thing about his girlfriend. Her eyes. Her eyes don't mesmerize him the way yours does. Was that normal?

"We better get going. I'm excited to meet this assistant of yours." At the mention of you, he immediately perks up, already backing out of the parking space, he fails to notice the quick flash of anger on the blonde girl's face, rather he was focused on getting to the karaoke bar where everyone else agreed to meet and getting to see you.

"I texted her, she's coming out, she's excited to meet ya babe." He glances over at her while she finishes reapplying her lipstick, all she does is nod her head. Atsumu notices the door open and sees you looking around the parking lot before your eyes land on his car and then on him. You give a quick wave before making your way over. "Come on babe, let's say hi." He's already getting out of the car, eager to greet you.

You watch as Atsumu gets out of the car and then notice the passenger side door open. You can't help but think about how his girlfriend is so pretty, definitely worthy of being with Atsumu. But why does that make your heart ache? "So you're his assistant?" Her tone is friendly but there's something about the way she says it that feels a little off.

You notice Atsumu shoot you an apologetic look. "Yeah I am. And you must be his girlfriend. It's nice to meet you. I'm l/n f/n." You put your hand out for her to shake but she just brushes it off. "Babe. I'm cold, can we go inside now?" She says while clinging on to his arm. You don't want to believe the rumors, wanting to give her the benefit of the doubt, but her attitude and actions right now are making that real hard.

"Whatever ya want babe." You can't help but wonder why Atsumu is with her if this is how she is. You follow the couple as they walk inside. You can hear your group before even reaching the private room. Weren't the rooms supposed to be soundproof? Your question is answered when you find Hinata wedged between the door, a beer in one hand and a microphone in the other. You shoot a look at Sakusa and he just shrugs.

The orange haired male finally notices the three of you. "Y/n! You're baaackkkk! Oh look! Tsum-Tsummmm andddd Mikaaa tooo!" You can't help but roll your eyes. Sakusa warned you Hinata was a lightweight but you weren't expecting this light, he only had two beers the last time you checked. Before you can say anything Suna is already helping the male up, it's like he could read your mind. "Sorry we're late." Atsumu says as they settle into the seats left open for them.

"You didn't have to rush on our account." You can't help but be surprised by Sakusa's tone, you could sense some hostility in it, but you knew it wasn't directed at his setter. "Hello to you too Sakusa-kun." Mika replies while rolling her eyes. You finally take your seat beside Suna, choosing to immerse yourself in conversation with the cousins, Sakusa and Komori.

It's not long before Bokuto is tugging at your sleeve, motioning for you to get up on the mini stage and sing for the group. "Um, Bo, I don't know about that." Before you can protest you feel a nudge from behind, you turn to see your boyfriend with a smirk plastered on his face. "Y/N! Y/N! Y/N!" Chants of your name erupted from Bokuto, Hinata, Komori, and Suna. You let out a sigh. Who are you to deny the people?

"I need a partner, I'm not going to do this alone." You say into the mic that Bokuto had handed to you. Instantly the white haired male comes bounding towards you. "I already know what song we're doing!" You don't even have time to ask him before he's entering the song info into the display.

Your eyes widen as soon as the title appears on the screen and you hear the cheers coming from Hinata and your boyfriend. "I'll be the featured artist." The male tells you while grabbing a mic for himself. The music starts to play, you grab the closest drink to you, which just happened to be the rest of Hinata's beer before downing it. You were going to need some liquid courage for this song.

"I said, certified freak,

Seven days a week,

Wet-ass pussy,

Make that pull-out game weak, woo. (ah),

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah,

Yeah, you fucking with some wet-ass pussy,

Bring a bucket and a mop for this wet-ass pussy,

Give me everything you got for this wet-ass pussy."

Oh god. You made a mental note to not bring snacks for Bokuto for the next two weeks. To your embarrassment, not only was your boyfriend hyping you up, so was Hinata and Komori.

"Gobble me, swallow me, drip down the side of me (yeah),

Quick, jump out 'fore you let it get inside of me (yeah),

I tell him where to put it, never tell him where I'm 'bout to be."

Surprisingly Bokuto was really into it, he definitely channeled his inner Meg for this performance. By the end of the song you and Bokuto had put on a performance worthy of the VMAs. You were trying to steady your breathing, not used to putting on a whole show in the span of three minutes and seven seconds, you used that time to get a good look at everyone around you. The room broke out into cheers and applause, you even managed to get Sakusa to clap for the both of you. The only one who didn't seem impressed with your performance was the blonde woman beside Atsumu.

"You call that a performance?" Atsumu let's out a sigh before glancing over at his girlfriend. "Babe, it was good. They were having fun." She starts to pout and you can't help but notice her little tantrum and the way Sakusa rolls his eyes at her. You didn't notice it before but even Hinata and Bokuto rarely interacted with her, they would keep their distance. What does that mean?

After a couple more hours you all decide to call it a night. You can't help but feel bad, it didn't seem like Atsumu was able to enjoy himself. Whenever you called out to him or tried to include him, his girlfriend would inmediately shut it down. You say your goodbyes to all your friends, Suna wanting to drop you home but you insisting he go along with Komori, not wanting him to get scolded by his coach again.

i just picture bokuto getting really into the song. lmao. full on performance and all.

comment or message me if you want to be added to the taglist!

if you wanna talk about the chapter or whatever with me, feel free to message or dm me. ☺

sorry I'm late today. lol

Taglist [open]: @bakugouswh0r3 @youidiot91 @koffyee @kyomihann @szeonn @chantalkate16 @onlyonew @ntimacy @underratedmage @90s-belladonna @simpletype @toshikamo @todomaniac @sumebreaks @sammistry @pansexualproblemchild

[imatechbummerliketomholland]

sorry seems to be the hardest word - h.o

Word count: 3171

Warning: angst, swear

Pairing : harrison osterfield

Request: no.

N/A: It took me so long to write this. I remember i asked @soft-haz to write something with the "sorry seems to be the hardest word" vibe, it was so good! But i wanted to write something by myself too. Remember, english is not my first language, so be kind if you spot mistakes, i really try my best. Italics parts are flashbacks

Thanks to @petersasteria because she correct a big part of this fic! Love you. Don't hesitate to tell me what you think of the fic! Love you all! xx

ღღღ

part 2 (harry hollad x reader) - part 3 (harry holland x reader)

The few rays of sunshine in London today and England's victory over the Croats had improved your mood. Tom and Harry were home as soon as the game was over, they found you sitting on the couch with a glass of wine. You hadn't wanted to join them at the bar for obvious reasons: to keep your privacy as much as possible. Living with four boys was not easy, but living with four boys, one of whom was a world-famous actor and another in the midst of the media boom, was even more so. Of course, fans knew that Tom, Harrison, Harry, and Tuwaine had a female roommate. But you've always managed to never appear with your face uncovered in any media activity of your four-favorite divs.

The bottle was already nearly empty and you were already on your drunken streak, not wanting to stop when two of your drinking buddies had just entered. What a good opportunity to continue the evening.

"Will you join me, boys?"

“Mmm yeah, sure, love.” Harry said.

But a problem presented itself to you: the boys drank beer, you drank wine. You had two options now: either open a new bottle of wine for yourself or continue the evening with beer. Your eyes turned to your glass, spilling the rest of the bottle into your jug before swallowing it dry. Harry had a stunned expression on his face as Tom smirked.

"I see hanging out with us leaves its mark."

"You wish, Holland. I knew how to do it before I even knew you existed."

"You've known me since I was 19."

"And you think I waited for you to learn how to drink?"

"Fair enough."

You met the boys in a pub. You’ll never tell Nikki that, when you met them, her precious twins drank too many beers even if they weren’t old enough to drink (technically, they weren’t criminals, drinking beer at 16 is legal and come on, it’s England!)

❀❀❀

So, you met the boys in a pub. It was one of the nights when your friends and you wanted to drink until you're blackout drunk. You were in that pub/club, looking up after one of your friends. She had detected some pretty boys in the back and left you there, alone. You moved around the room without paying attention: glass in hand, your phone you stared at in the other. You suddenly felt an arm blocking your chest with force. The surprise had made you drop your glass.

“What the heck?!?”

“You will not pass, miss.”

“Oh yeah? Why? Is the pope there?” You said sarcastically

The man who stood in your way raised an eyebrow and you looked at him, waiting for a response.

“You are very funny. It’s a VIP space.”

“Once again, why is that?”

“None of your business.”

“Actually, I don't care if Sir Elton John is in that bar or if it's even the Queen of England. I'm just looking for my friend: tall, blonde, balloon-sized fucking boobs, red dress."

“Not seen."

You sighed. The situation annoyed you to the highest point. You had lost your friend and that big asshole had broken your glass. The man in front of you seemed to be marble. Short answer, arms crossed, and an imposing posture. All you wanted tonight was just to have fun. You didn't care that God-knows-who, any famous or rich enough to book a VIP space, was in that bar.

"Would the asshole that hired you tonight, at least be kind enough to buy me the glass you broke with your bullshit?"

From his side, Harry had noticed the altercation. He then walked towards you, he laughed when he heard you insult his brother through the bouncer's fault. And as the Colossus' bodyguard was about to tell you that you could always dream of getting that free drink, Harry spoke up.

“The asshole, maybe not directly. But the asshole's brother. Certainly. It will be on his check anyway.”

“For God's sake, what are you waiting for then?”

And just like that, you met the boys. Harry paid you for the glass that the other jerk broke, invited you to this precious VIP space and you could talk and dance the night away. You had exchanged your social media and over time, your phone numbers. And as fast as you couldn't imagine, you had found yourself stuck in an apartment with four adorable idiots as roommates.

❀❀❀

"Hey, y/n, where are the others?" Harry asked.

You grumbled and grabbed the beer the curly had just opened. He protested as you took a sip. Tom gave you a curious look and you frowned behind your bottle.

"y/n?”

"I don't know where T is, but Harrison's gone on a date with Gracie."

The two brothers exchanged a look heard in the face of the bitterness they had perceived in your voice. It was no longer much of a secret that you had feelings for Harrison. You had feelings for Tom's best friend for almost as long as you'd met him. Harry had noticed it first, because you were much closer to him than to Tom. The actor had understood at the start of an evening, at the beginning of the relationship between Harrison and his girlfriend.

However, you didn't hate Gracie. She was beautiful, kind, and very funny. She really brought out the best in Harrison, she made him happy and you could see that because of the distinct smile on his face. You didn't hate her; she just wasn't you and you just weren't her. And that was the whole problem. Jealousy consumed you and you hated yourself for it.

“Are you alright, darling?” Tom asked you since silence filled the room after your last sentence.

"I'll be fine after one more drink" you simply answered.

You took a sip of the beer you stole from Harry. Drowning in alcohol was certainly not the solution. But you just wanted to forget the blond a bit for tonight. Tom's worried look made you roll your eyes.

"Oh come on, Tom. Don't give me those eyes. I will be fine ..."

“Yeah, sure.” he said with a doubt.

"Can we just watch a silly movie or play a silly game to make my night better?"

Harry seemed to hear you as he shrugged and took a sip of his drink. He knew you by heart. At this point, he really considered you his best friend. So he knew you needed something to clear your mind. Something where your mind should be quick to think about.

“One,” he said nonchalantly.

"Two" you responded with a huge smile on your face.

"You are both stupid." the Holland elder complained about the game you had just started.

"You say that because you're a lousy actor who can't remember his lines. Play Holland!"

"Three". He capitulated.

And you continued like this until 21. Then, there followed a multitude of rule additions each time you reach the number 21. The 7 turned into "I'm a poor liar", the 18 into "I'd rather kiss a guinea pig" ... And every time one of you made a mistake, he drank. After an hour, the game looked like a strange conversation from the outside.

"Squirrels are scary, man." Harry said, mimicking his older brother.

"Black Widow is the best president of the United States" Tom said

"But she’s a bad lay." you responded, with a fake sigh of disappointment

"I'd rather kiss a guinea pig"

"Because you have no taste"

"Twenty"

It was at this precise moment, in the middle of the conversation, that Harrison decided to enter the living room. His blissful smile gave way to an air of amazement and disbelief at the talk between his three roommates. It was Tom who first noticed his best friend. He nodded to greet him. Harrison wore a simple black t-shirt with chinos. You took a look at your roommate and your cheeks flushed a little more than they already were.

"Hello mate! How was your date?" asked Tom with a big smile on his face

"Awesome. Can't believe it will be a year in 3 freaking days." Harrison said.

You could see his large smile, and blissful air. He was sweating happiness and although you were happy for him, it tore your heart. You purse your lips to avoid comment. Harry spoke up.

"We're playing 21. Do you want to land with us?"

"In fact, you can take my place." You got up from the couch and walked over to the kitchen to drop off your beer drain. Harrison frowned as Tom exchanged a new look with his brother.

"y/n, you can stay, It's an unlimited players game." Harry almost begged.

"No, I'm tired. I'm going to take a shower and then go to bed."

“y/n” Harrison tried to call you to hold you back a little longer.

But you were already gone. You've never climbed the stairs so fast to run away from your roommate/best friend. Harrison looked at Tom and Harry, worried about your behavior. The curly one just shrugged his shoulders as his brother shook his head, silent. They weren't intending to get involved in this. You were the only master of your feelings and the time you'll decide to confess them to Harrison. That is why they preferred to be quiet.

☙♡❧

You spent the whole next week to avoid Harrison as much as possible. Established more distance with him was your solution to protect yourself from your feelings especially after his one-year anniversary date with Gracie and his absolute cute instagram post. It broke you down. Your heart was in peace but you couldn't blame him or his girlfriend. You were in love with the wrong guy, that's all.

But you couldn't hide from him forever. After all, you both lived in the same house, you had the same friends. So, it was hard to pretend he didn't exist.

Today was not your lucky day. You bumped into him in the kitchen. That was his opportunity to hold you down. He grabbed you by the shoulders, preventing you from burying yourself. Now he would finally find out what was wrong with you. Because Harrison wasn't a fool. He had noticed that you acted with him differently. Your behavior remained unchanged towards the other boys in the house.

“y/n. Don’t avoid me; please, please y/n, look at me”

You have plunged your eyes into its bewitching blue irises. Big mistake. You were drowning now in the turmoil of your feelings for the blonde. He had always had that effect on you, always. Tears started to bead at the corners of your eyes, you were biting your lip to hold back the torrent of tears that was already beginning to flow. Harrison's throat tightened at the sight of you like that and his hold on your shoulders slowly loosened.

“I hate seeing you like this. Please talk to me” he almost begged you

“Harrison…” your voice struggle as soon you pronounced his name.

“Please darling…tell me what’s goin’ on”

As a perfect angel, Tom was the one who saved you by interrupting this quick talk. You wiped away your tears with the end of your sleeve and run away to your room. Harrison sighed in despair. He didn't understand why you were running away from him like the plague.

“Dude, do you know why she's like that. What did I do? » He finally asked to Tom.

"I can't tell you Haz. She's the only one having the right to tell you about this"

"Bullshit. Fuck you all." Harrison said, frustrated.

Then he just quit, leaving the kitchen.

☙♡❧

Sunday came and Tom asked you all to spend the night with him before his LA trip the next evening. It was a normal night with friends. And despite your pent-up feelings and wanting to avoid Harrison at all costs, you didn't want to miss Tom, he was your friend.

There was only the usual gang: Harry, Tuwaine, Tom (obviously) and you. But the tension was felt within the group. The lingering unspoken words about your feelings for Harrison were beginning to weigh on all of your friendship. It was so bad that it hurts to stay in the same room as Harrison. All you could see was his constant happiness, this wonderful man he had always been but in a more radiant version of himself. And you weren't the cause of that. You hated it, you hated being selfish that much. You were ready to sacrifice your friendship with the young Netflix actor for two reasons: you wanted to protect yourself ... and you weren't ready to be that obstacle in the midst of Harrison and Grace's happiness.

You were in the kitchen with Harry, pretending to help him with drinks and snacks. The curly boy could see you dragging your feet, repeating like a mantra this phrase "come on, you can do it ... do it for Tom, it's his night. Don’t be selfish, you can make it." And you really wanted it ... have a good time with your friends.

Sometimes Harry felt guilty for introducing Gracie to Harrison. They worked together as set PA in 2018 and became close friends but not as close as you were with him. You considered him like your best friend. It made sense for him to feel a bit responsible for your broken heart. But you never said a word about it.

“I’m sorry, y/n” confessed Harry.

“For what?” you simply responded.

"For having hampered your happiness. I was stupid to introduce Grace to Harrison and ignore your feelings. I wanted to help my friend. "

"Bullshit Harry. Never apologize for that. You've been a great friend to Harrison."

"But not for you."

"Who cares?" you asked, trying to minimize your feelings

"Me ... you are one of my best friend y/n"

"Just like Harrison is your best friend. Don't apologize for making him happy. Fuck, I'm the one who should apologize." You said, with a tone of anger and despair in your voice

And that's how you crack, breaking in all your sensitivity. You couldn't hold back your tears from falling as you blasted everything that was on your heart. You don't even realize that Harrison is a few feet behind your back. The weight of your feelings, your anxieties explode in the kitchen as when a cup is dropped on the immaculate tiled floor.

“What I got to do to make him love me? What I got to do to make him care? Not as the sweet friend Harry. I’m deeply in love with him and it’s gonna drive me insane! What I got to do to make him want me? Huh Harry, can you tell me? All those question in my head…and no answer to that. And you know what? It's sad, sad situation…more than that it’s a shitty situation, because I'm getting away from him and it makes us sick. Because I'm unable to tell him why.”

“You just told me.” Harrison finally said.

You jumped for a second before you froze. Harry is caught off guard and rushes into the living room stammering an apology. You are trapped. You are trapped and you can hear the footsteps of your roommate coming closer to you, so close, that now you can feel his breath on the back of your neck. Gently, he places his hands on your arms and exerts pressure for you to face him.

"You love me"

"It depends ..." you replied with difficulty

"On what?"

"On what you heard before."

"Enough that you can't contradict me."

Her thin smile doesn't help you relax. Instead, you look down, admiring your two pairs of feet. You felt like being stripped naked and you didn't like that feeling. If you could have kept this secret in your grave. But now he knew and you felt even heavier than the Titanic.

"So ... is that it? Nothing more to tell me?"

"What do you want me to add to what you've already heard?"

"Sorry?" he tried.

"For what?"

"For what? y/n are you kidding me? Sorry for being distant with me, maybe? Sorry for hiding all these things from you? Sorry for not trusting our friendship to come to me and speak?" he exploded…

"What would that have been for, Harrison? You don't love me back…" you screamed back.

"I ... I’m ..."

"See, sorry seems to be the hardest word."

After that last ironic reply, silence fell in the kitchen. So was that it? Was that how your friendship was to end? The great giants of the universe had reserved this dramatic scene for you to break years of bonding. You didn't know how to get out of this situation. You didn't even know if there was a few more things to save. You were broken and had just spoiled the happiness of one of your best friends.

Harrison was silent. He seemed to be probing your body, your attitude, analyzing any gesture that might give him the opportunity to take a step towards you. But the solution was there, finding everything ... It was enough, for both of you, to swallow your pride.

"I'm sorry."

"For what?" you echo your previous conversation

"Sorry for not feeling the same as you. For not being who you want me to be to you."

"You know ... I don't hate her."

"What?" he asked, confused.

"Gracie. I don't hate her. She makes you really happy. I just hate the jealousy I feel towards her… I hate that I am not her. But I don’t hate her, she's a really good girl."

A small smile dawned on Harrison's lips, the blonde toyed nervously with his fingers and the ring he always wore as an accessory.

"Yeah ... yeah she's great."

"I'm really sorry ... about everything."

"It's ok. We don't control how we feel. I..I can understand"

"Yeah..."

"y/n?" he tried; a little bit shy about what he’s gonna ask.

"Mhmm?"

"Do you think we can be friends again?"

You bow your head, taking a minute to think. Was everything really broken? Were you going to be able to rebuild a solid friendship after this conversation? Were you going to be able to squeeze out your feelings? You sighed before plunging into those beautiful blue eyes that you loved so much.

"Maybe. I hope so with all my heart."

"I hope so too. And I hope you find someone like I found Grace."

"You can always dream. You dripping with love, it's impossible to find someone like you two."

"Don't despair. He might be closer than you think."

He winked at you and you looked at him confused. But after a few seconds, a smile appeared at the corner of your lips. No, you had no hope of him talking about him. But you were happy, because that little sentence opened the door for you to a bond that you were trying to find.

[jademakean]

𝐒𝐭𝐨𝐫𝐦𝐲 𝐍𝐢𝐠𝐡𝐭

Timothée Chalamet x Reader

𝑷𝒂𝒖𝒍𝒊𝒏𝒆 𝑪𝒉𝒂𝒍𝒂𝒎𝒆𝒕 𝒊𝒔 𝒚𝒐𝒖𝒏𝒈𝒆𝒓 𝒊𝒏 𝒕𝒉𝒊𝒔.

｡･:*:･ﾟ

  Drizzles of water began coating your body as you rushed to your best friend's porch, hurriedly knocking on the wooden door.

The extra holiday break from school allowed you to spend more time with Pauline, meaning: chaotic sleepovers

“Hello?”

You looked up meeting a pair of green eyes you hadn't seen in a long while. “Timothée?”

Once the slender figure came to the realization of who was waiting at his front step, his mouth went agape mirroring yours.

You both had been close since you were little. You became friends with Pauline in middle school and met Timothée through her. From then on you were a trio and would do everything together, but that all changed.

Him, being three years older than you meant that he'd go to college first and in the end, there would simply not be any time for you both to be together. You did try to hang out once every two weeks but his college was way too far and he needed to spend his time focussing on his studies. It ended in a bad note, with many hurtful words shared.

Before you knew it, Timothée had you in bone-crushing embrace  “I haven't seen you in months, more than a year maybe! God, I missed you.”

“Why didn't you tell me you came back?” you couldn't hide the slight disappointment of him not thinking about letting you know. “I wanted to but I switched phone numbers and my sister wanted me to surprise you instead. I just didn't know I was going to see you this soon.”

Though you both shared your relief in seeing each, there was some strange tension in the air.

“I gotta visit my aunt right now but we should celebrate tomorrow or something.” He suggested, breaking the silence.

“Yeah totally. I'm sleeping over anyways so we'll probably see each other after dinner. Just be careful, the weather seems to be getting worse.”

“Oh yeah of course. If you need some clothes you can get some from my room, they're in a box on my bed. I know that Pauline's clothes are too small for any human being to wear.”

You giggled at his over-exaggeration nodding “Thanks. Stay safe.”

Once the door shut you felt your mood change. It's not like you weren't happy to see him, you were, but not being able to have the same connection you once had made your heartache.

“DJ Paulina in the house mother fuckers!”

You jumped at your best friend's sudden outburst but laughed nevertheless.

“Holy shit, you're wetter than the pacific ocean!”

You roller your eyes “Really? Damn, I wonder why. It's alright though, Timothée allowed me to borrow one of his shirts.”

“Wait you already saw Timothée?”

“Yeah, he just left.”

Paulina grimaced slightly knowing how hard it might've been for two introverts to reunite after a long period of time, let alone after they had a fight last time they were together. She quickly changed the subject not wanting to upset you.

That didn't mean she wouldn't plan on rebuilding your bond.

۵

The snaps of thunder kept you awake and the heavy drops of rain overtook your mind.

As the time pasted you began wondering what would happen if there was a monster under your bed, if a ghost yanked you by your leg, or if the shadow of the hanging coat was actually a person.

Full-on scaring yourself.

And Pauline's sleep talking was not helping the situation.

Both of you spent the day baking, eating and watching movies. Though it's not how most teenagers take up the opportunity of an empty house, it was more than enough for you two.

What was irritating you at this precise moment was the fact that you were exhausted during the day and still are, except you, can't bring yourself to actually fall asleep.

Creaking sounds were heard throughout the room as your feet made contact with the wooden floor.

You grumbled making your way to the kitchen for a cup of fresh cold water.

The bright electronic clock on the stove displayed the time. 2:23 A.M.

You were so dazed and distracted by the clock that before you could fill your glass with water, the cup fell on the counter.

You felt your heart stop the second the loud sound emitted throughout the quiet space, fearing you'd break your best friend's parent's glass. But once you realized that everything was still stable, you proceeded to finish your plan.

“What are you doing still awake?”

Your body jumped at those words. You turned to see Timothée with hooded eyes and slumped figure, clearly more than half asleep.

“Sorry, I'm a light sleeper and the thunder was keeping me awake.”

“Do you want to sleep with me?”

He smiled softly with a droopy gaze

Not gonna lie, initially some inappropriate thoughts crossed your mind, but vanished once you remembered how every time you had trouble falling asleep, you'd get in his bed and he'd make conversation until you fell asleep.

“Sure.”

Timothée was probably too out of it to understand why it had taken you so look to answer, which you were grateful for.

He lazily intertwined your fingers and led you to his room.

It looked the same as before, maybe some items we're missing so he'd be able to decorate his new apartment, but other than that, still the same.

You hesitantly laid down turning your body away from the curly-headed boy. You felt yourself heating up as last time you shared a bed you were a quite innocent 15-year-old, and to be fair you've always seen him as a bother figure.

But two years have passed and he was now 20, it felt like being with a stranger even though he wasn't.

“You alright?”

He mumbled quietly

“Can I ask you something?”

“Go ahead.” You chewed your lip anxiously. You've never been good at confronting people.

“Is there a reason why you got mad at me when you left. All I remember was you telling me how we couldn't be friends because of all the work you had and how you couldn't handle too many things at the same time. But in the end, you suddenly got mad at me and it ended in a huge fight.”

You could tell that Timothée was now fully awake, definitely not expecting you to mention the topic at this time of night.

“Well, in all honestly I knew you wouldn't want to give up on our friendship. I've always seen you as a loyal strong friend and I didn't want to disappoint you by continuously bailing out on our plans.”

Thought his solution was a stupid one, you understood what he meant. You would most definitely get let down many times and eventually get mad at him, even if it wasn't fully his fault.

“I understand. Just-- Just don't do that again. I'd rather have a relationship with you even if we rarely saw each other, instead of not seeing you at all. I miss being with you.”

Timothée's heavy arm hugged you closer to him. So close you could feel his gentle heartbeat against your back.

“I'm not as much of a mess I was back in the first year of college. I have more spare time, even if college is too far we can face time and meet once a month.”

It was nice to witness his change in attitude regarding the situation, he's now more open-minded and optimistic.

“Is that why you seemed so tense when you saw me today?”

You suddenly felt yourself redden from slight embarrassment “I mean yeah. I kinda overreact a lot, but you know that. I didn't even recognize you, you've changed and I didn't know how to feel.”

You felt chest shake from a deep chuckle as you played with his fingers “Is that a good thing?”

He was making you flustered and he knew it.

“I mean, yeah. You look mature for a 20-year-old. When you were 18 you still had your baby face- it's not a bad thing at all, but now you, um, okay I'm just going to stop talking.”

Once again, Timothée's body shook slightly from his laughter which eventually died down.

There was silence once again, the downpour was hitting the window aggressively but managed to make you feel calm. The heat that radiated from the man's body was wrapping you in a warm blanket, his cold breath tickling your neck.

“How do you see me?

The silence was halted by your simple question “What do you mean?” his raspy voice asked, not understanding the question very well.

“Before you said that you saw me as a loyal friend. How do you see me now?”

Timothée turned your body to face him “Well, you've changed as well. You don't look like a little kid anymore.”

You hummed in response staring into his eyes. The moonlight was shining through the window behind Timothée, illuminating his hair, making it look as though he was wearing a halo around his head.

“Has anything interesting happened while I was gone? House renovations, dead grandma, boyfriends..?”

You had to cover your mouth from bursting out laughing “How the hell do you go from dead grandma to boyfriends?”

The boy shrugged his shoulders waiting for an answer “I had a boyfriend for a little while but it didn't work out.”

Timothée nodded for you to keep going

“He treated me differently when we were around his friends, kinda like he didn't want me. We would get into a lot of arguments and I just wasn't happy. So I ended it.”

He took your hand caressing it carefully with his thumb. You knew he was trying to make you feel better though you weren't actually sad about the breakup. You decided not to say anything against it since his action-filled your heart with butterflies.

“He's an asshole for doing that.”

“Yeah well, most of them are.”

There was a small pause in the air before Timothée spoke up again

“I wouldn't do that to you.”

You were taken aback from his sudden confession. You expected him to joke around about some dumb stereotypes.

“If you were my boyfriend, or just in general?” you asked genuinely curious to which he answered:

“Both.”

You being the anxious human being you are, decided to play it off as a joke. Like always.

“Yeah right, you would never date me, you might as well be one of those extra frat boys that-”

“Why would you assume I wouldn't date you.”

You were becoming more and more agitated, not fully grasping the meaning of his words, and why he was now saying it.

“I've always adored you. The reason why I never said anything is because I'm three years older than you and didn't want to make you uncomfortable.”

“Why are you saying this now?” You shuttered out as he moved closer to your body.

“I didn't realize how much I loved you until we separated. Now I'm realizing how much time I wasted.”

Timothée began breathing heavily, his eyes focusing on the different features your face held.

“Would you date me now?”

He nodded, not trusting his voice to speak. “Even if we wouldn't see each other often?”

He nodded once again, this time speaking “I haven't seen you in two years and I still have feelings for you, they won't go away even if I tried.”

Timothée let his fingers gently brush against your lips studying them thoroughly making your mind hazy.

You were so focussed on each other that the background noise was now muffled.

Your mouths were agape wanting one thing and one thing only.

“Can I kiss you?”

He whispered breathlessly. If he wasn't studying you so closely he would have missed your little nod.

But he didn't miss it.

The second the small gesture was caught, was the second his lips made contact with yours.

The kiss was heated and desperate, your eyebrows furrowed hopelessly from the connection. Tongues soon intertwining as Timothée held himself on top of you for better control of the situation. Not giving you room to escape.

You sighed through your nose not being able to break from the kiss, not wanting to break from the kiss.

His front pressed flush against yours, allowing his hands to travel all over your body with no hesitation.

You mumbled Timothée's name against his lips before you broke apart. “Did I go too far?”

You smiled at his worried state “No, I loved every second of it.”

He copied your smile resting his forehead on yours “Sorry, I could help myself.”

He laid on his back before you cuddled to his side, leg wrapped with his and head resting on his shoulder.

Timothée observed your crimson cheeks and swollen lips. He wanted to tease you about it but he knew damn well that he looked the exact same.

Sleep eventually took over you. The soothing sound of the storm was the last thing you heard, and the motion of Timothée's chest calmly rising and falling was the last thing you felt.

[fairydxll]

𝐏𝐫𝐢𝐝𝐞 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐉𝐨𝐲

𝐂𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝐒𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐧

↳ 𝐰𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠 | uh fighting? Lmk if anything.

↳ 𝐰𝐨𝐫𝐝 𝐜𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐭 | 2124

𝐚/𝐧 ~ sorry I haven't updated this story in a while. But I'm back now!

masterlist | series masterlist | taglist

<- previous chapter

After a couple of days, Rory kinda got used to her new "home." Since Tony didn't know how long it would be before they went back to California, and with Pepper gone, they decided it was best if Rory just took a break from school.

Rory did eventually grow to like her new room. She was not allowed to leave the current floor, so she basically just spent all of her time there. Tony was gone all day and didn't get home until very late at night, meaning Rory had to have food delivered. She didn't mind, though. She figured that if they end up staying, she'll be able to tell Tony what all the good restaurants are.

Tony never told her anything about why they were here with the exception of, "Daddy has business."

So in order to pass the time, Rory would read or watch movies. She even took up drawing which turned out to be something she isn't too bad at.

This morning, Tony was already gone by the time Rory got up, so she got dressed and migrated to the living area. She sat on one of the couches near the large window and began sketching the tall buildings surrounding her.

As she finished the shading on one of the skyscrapers, she peered back up to see a tall man with long, black hair dressed in what looked like a Halloween costume standing on the terrace. Rory put down her sketchbook and looked closer. He was very tall and had large, golden horns that decorated the top of his head. She had no clue as to why this man was standing outside of her window on her father's building.

Rory looked to her right and noticed her father, in the Iron Man suit, land on the landing pad. The man just stood there, watching as machines swiftly removed the armor from Tony's body.

The strange man made his way into the room from the balcony. The room she was in. Rory didn't know what to do. She was frozen, scared. Instead of running away as any sane person would, Rory remained in her chair.

The large man entered the room. He studied his surroundings, his eyes eventually landing on Rory. "Who might you be?" He asked with disdain.

Rory could do nothing but blink at him, too afraid to speak. He opened his mouth to say more, only to be interrupted by the presence of Tony. "Rory, come here," Tony said blankly.

Rory immediately dropped her things and ran to her father's side. Tony wrapped his arm around her protectively, hoping to shield her with his body.

The man watched this all happen before finally speaking, "Please tell me you're going to appeal to my humanity." He spoke as if she weren't there.

"Actually I'm planning to threaten you," Tony responded. Rory couldn't sense any different emotions other than his natural sarcastic tone.

"You should have left your armor on for that," the man bantered, walking closer to Tony and Rory.

"Yeah," Tony pushed Rory behind the bar. "It's seen a bit of mileage, and you've got the glow stick of destiny." Rory crouched down below the bar and pulled her knees into her chest. She couldn't help but let tears stain her cheeks, afraid of what was happening. "Would you like a drink?" Tony asked the man as he walked behind the bar, actively trying to ignore you in hopes you wouldn't become a target.

Rory heard the other man laugh. "Stalling me won't change anything," he said. If Rory knew what it meant, she would describe their conversation as passive-aggressive.

"No, no. threatening." Tony began making himself a drink. "No drink? You sure? I'm having one.

"The Chitauri are coming. Nothing will change that." His words sounded like gibberish to Rory. "What have I to fear?"

Rory watched her father casually make a drink as if nothing was wrong. "The Avengers. That's what we call ourselves. We're sort of like a team." Rory had no idea what he was going on about. ""Earth's mightiest heroes"-type thing."

"Yes, I've met them."

"Yea," Tony's smile helped calm Rory down. He had to have the situation under control, right? "It takes us a while to get any traction, I'll give you that one. But let's do a headcount, here. Your brother, the demi-god," demi-god? "A super-soldier, a living legend who kind of lives up to the legend." He secretly slipped a metal-looking band on each wrist.

"A man with breathtaking anger-management issues, a couple of master assassins, and you, big fella," none of his words were making any sense. "You've managed to piss off every single one of them."

"That was the plan."

"Not a great plan," Tony walked past you and out from the bar. "When they come, and they will, they'll come for you."

"I have an army."

"We have a hulk."

Rory finally gathered enough courage and stood up carefully. She peeked her head over the bar to watch the men while also trying to stay out of the way. Tony was approaching the man as they spoke; the man keeping his ground.

"I thought the beast had wandered off," the man said.

"You're missing the point. There's no throne," Tony's voice rose slightly. "There is no version of this where you come out on top. Maybe your army comes and maybe it's too much for us, but it's all on you. Because if we can't protect the Earth, you can be damn well sure we'll avenge it."

Tony took a sip of his drink while the man took a few steps closer, a scowl spreading across his features. "How will your friends have time for me when they're so busy fighting you?"

For the first time since this scene began, Tony looked scared. The man brought his scepter-looking thing up and tapped it against Tony's chest with a clang noise. The man's face dropped for a second before he tried a second time, and then a third. "This usually works."

Tony didn't look scared anymore. "Well, performance issues, it's not uncommon. One out of five--" his sentence was cut short when the man forcefully grabbed Tony's throat and threw him onto the floor. Rory squealed and then immediately covered her mouth.

The man turned his head in Rory's direction with a puzzled look. He turned away from her as soon as Tony stood up and went for his neck again. "You will all fall before me," he said.

"Deploy!" Tony called before the man threw him out the window, shattering the glass. Rory screamed with all her might. Did she just watch her Dad be murdered? What was he going to do to her?

Rory hid behind the bar once more, watching and listening closely to her surroundings. A loud sound rippled through the room causing Rory to throw her hands over her ears to block out the noise. She peeked over the bar and saw nothing but more shards of glass and broken furniture.

The man stared Rory down. "Who are you?"

Rory gulped, "who are you?"

He chuckled. "I am Loki, of Asgard. I'm surprised you have not yet heard of me." His tone was a lot softer with her than it was with her father. "What is your name, little one?"

"Rory," she nervously answered his question. "My name is Rory."

"Let me guess; Stark's child?" She didn't say anything. Rory simply nodded. "Ah I see," he gave you an almost heartwarming smile. "Come here, Rory."

Fearing she had no other choice, Rory walked over to Loki and he crouched down to meet her gaze. He smiled at her. Rory watched her father fly up behind him. She was more than thrilled to see her father alive and more tears fell from her eyes.

"And one more thing," Loki's face dropped and he spun around to face Tony. "Get away from my daughter!" Tony shot at Loki, sending him flying backward. Rory jumped out of the way, too stunned to do anything else. With Loki knocked out, Tony looked towards his daughter, "Rory go hide, now!" He flew away into the sky, and Rory wasted no time in running to her bedroom.

She slammed the door shut and locked it. She looked around her room for anything that she could put in front of the door to make it harder to reach her. Rory tried to move the couch, but it was no use. It was too heavy for a ten-year-old to manage. She tugged on her roots as she spotted her desk chair. Once it was securely tucked under the knob, Rory ran over to her window to watch what was unfolding.

Rory couldn't help herself as she began to sob. She was afraid and she was alone. There was nothing she could do to help. Tons of thousands of aliens flooded the skies and streets of New York as Rory sat up in her bedroom, watching. She was sobbing uncontrollably as she pressed her face and hands into the large window.

More loud noises were flowing from the living area into Rory's bedroom and Rory could do nothing to stop them. She hoped that the man who called himself Loki was gone and that her Dad was alright.

At this moment, Rory really felt like a child. She felt small and helpless. Lonely and afraid. There was nothing else she could do except watch. She had no clue as to what she was watching either, which was not making her feel any better.

At long last, the aliens seemed to dissipate and things seemed to calm down. It looked to Rory like the fight was over. But who won?

Rory was drawn away from her thoughts by the sound of her father's voice calling her name. She nearly sprinted out. She ran up to Tony and engulfed him in the tightest bear hug she could manage. He was still in his suit and covered in dirt, but neither seemed to mind.

"I was afraid," Rory murmured into his neck.

"I know, bubs." They pulled away from the hug and Rory got the chance to really see the other people in the room.

There was a giant-sized man with green skin, a man with a shield, a man with a bow and arrow, a man with a red cape and long hair, and what looked like Natalie, only with shorter hair. They looked odd. As if they were straight out of a movie. She noticed Loki in handcuffs. He looked angry and sad at the same time. Rory didn't really know what he did, but she knew he lost and her dad won.

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

Tony held a silver case in one hand and Rory's in the other as he walked alongside the other Avengers waiting to send Loki away. Tony had made it very clear that from now on, Rory would not be leaving his side.

Rory let go of her Dad's hand to let him deal with the case. Thor, as he had told Rory to call him, led Loki a few feet away from everyone else. He waited for Loki to grab hold of the glass container for the Tesseract. Before she knew it, the pair had disappeared in a storm of blue.

Once everything else was settled, Tony reached for Rory's hand again and walked her over to the rest of the Avengers. "Rory there's some people I'd like you to meet," he motioned to the team. "That's Capsicle, Legolas, Jolly Green, and the Triple Imposter. This is Rory." The others shook their heads at Tony's nicknames.

"Steve," the tall, blonde man smiled and Rory shook his hand.

"Bruce," the shorter man with grey hair politely smiled and waved.

"Yea," Nat showed you a friendly smile to which you returned. "Nice to finally meet you, officially."

"And I'm Clint," the last man with spiky hair and sunglasses introduced himself.

"Hi," you said, shyly and waved at them all.

"Bubs, you go wait in the car I'll be there in a sec," said Tony.

"Okay. It was nice meeting you all!" You said as you walked to the car.

"You ready to go, kiddo?" Tony asked as he got in the car and fastened his seatbelt.

"Are we going home? Like, back to Malibu?" you asked as he started the car and pulled out.

"Yea," he smiled. "I think we deserve a break."

"What about the tower?"

"We're working on it. It'll be fixed in no time."

"Good," you sighed

"Good?"

"I don't mind it anymore. I don't think it would be so bad if we moved here."

"Really?" He raised his eyebrows.

"Really."

Next chapter ->

｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆

🏷 ↴

Marvel:

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Peter Parker:

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if your user is crossed out, contact me so I can fix it

[latte-fairytaekwoon]

𝑭𝒊𝒓𝒔𝒕 𝑺𝒏𝒐𝒘 (𝑪𝒉𝒐𝒊 𝑺𝒂𝒏)

Tag: @seacottons

𝑃𝑎𝑖𝑟𝑖𝑛𝑔: 𝐶ℎ𝑜𝑖 𝑆𝑎𝑛 (𝐴𝑡𝑒𝑒𝑧)/ 𝑅𝑒𝑎𝑑𝑒𝑟 (𝐹𝑒𝑚𝑎𝑙𝑒)

𝐺𝑒𝑛𝑟𝑒: 𝐹𝑙𝑢𝑓𝑓, 𝐷𝑎𝑑! 𝐴𝑈.

𝑊𝑜𝑟𝑑 𝐶𝑜𝑢𝑛𝑡: 2𝐾

𝑆𝑢𝑚𝑚𝑎𝑟𝑦: 𝑇ℎ𝑒𝑟𝑒'𝑠 𝑎 𝑙𝑜𝑡 𝑜𝑓 𝑚𝑒𝑚𝑜𝑟𝑖𝑒𝑠 𝑡ℎ𝑎𝑡 𝑦𝑜𝑢 𝑎𝑛𝑑 𝑆𝑎𝑛 ℎ𝑎𝑣𝑒 𝑚𝑎𝑑𝑒 𝑖𝑛 𝑡ℎ𝑒 𝑝𝑎𝑟𝑡𝑖𝑐𝑢𝑙𝑎𝑟𝑙𝑦 𝑐𝑜𝑙𝑑, 𝑠𝑛𝑜𝑤𝑦 𝑑𝑎𝑦𝑠 𝑜𝑓 𝑤𝑖𝑛𝑡𝑒𝑟.......𝑡ℎ𝑖𝑠 𝑦𝑒𝑎𝑟, 𝑦𝑜𝑢'𝑟𝑒 𝑏𝑜𝑡ℎ 𝑒𝑙𝑎𝑡𝑒𝑑 𝑡𝑜 𝑏𝑒 𝑎𝑏𝑙𝑒 𝑡𝑜 𝑠ℎ𝑎𝑟𝑒 𝑡ℎ𝑒𝑚 𝑤𝑖𝑡ℎ 𝑎 𝑡𝑖𝑛𝑦 𝑏𝑢𝑛𝑑𝑙𝑒 𝑜𝑓 𝑗𝑜𝑦.

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~December 5th~

Y/N hurried towards her friends who were already settled at the very top of the mountain, their snowboards and skiis all lined up in a perfect row.

"Last one down pays for dinner." One of them suggested to which they all unanimously agreed to.

"3, 2, Go!"

The racers all started sloping down the snowy mountain, some going to different directions, but ultimately they were all headed south. Y/N shifted her weight to keep balance on her snowboard. Usually she'd show off and do a trick, but right now she was focused on getting down as fast as possible.

"Pick up the pace Y/N!" Her friend teased as they swooped right past her.

Y/N let out a snort as she leaned forward to get more speed and traction. She also decided to move more to the right, where she knew a shortcut that none of the others knew about. She let out a small chuckle at the thought of their faces when they saw her all the way down there.

Her smile faded fast when she saw someone step out right in front of her, a dark haired male that seemed preoccupied with taking a picture he didn't notice she was coming.

"Look out!" She shouted, finally getting his attention.

The boy froze and seemed unable to move. Y/N swerved to the left, a little too fast and ended up falling off her board, tumbling down a few feet before landing on a bed of snow. She groomed softly as she lifted her head, already feeling the aching of her muscles.

"Are you ok?!" The same man who had inadvertently caused her accident ran over and helped her sit up.

"I...think so?" She asked rather than answered.

She quickly stood up, taking off her googles and winter hat to try and inspect what damage had been done not only to her body but to her board. She dusted some of the snow off her and looked up to find the mystery man looking at her intently.

"What? Am I bleeding?" She touched her face and forehead, not a stranger to bleeding due to some of the accidents she'd been through.

"No! Not at all!! Just......"

He smiled shyly, dimples clearly shown on his cheeks as his eyes formed small crescents.

"You're really pretty..." He confessed awkwardly, leaving her baffled and speechless.

"Th-thank you....you're pretty handsome yourself..." She tucked some hair behind her ear.

"I'm San." He introduced himself, holding out a hand for her to take, which she promptly did.

"I'm Y/N."

You were sad that you had to pay for your friend's dinner because you lost, but you weren't to sad because San asked you out for a date the next day.

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~January 12, One Year Later~

"Brrr. It's freezing out there."

San shook the snow off him, placing his boots on the corner.

"I told you it was going to snow, but you don't listen." She rolled her eyes at him.

Adding marshmallows to the hot chocolate, she picked them up and set them down on the table in front of the fireplace, then proceeded to wrap one of the blankets around herself. San wasted no time in cuddling up next to her and taking one of the mugs in his hand, sipping slowly so as to not burn himself. Smiling sweetly at her, he scooted closer to her, his head resting on her shoulder.

"Remember when we met last year?" He suddenly spoke.

Y/N nearly spat her chocolate back into the mug.

"Ahhh yes. You mean when I nearly killed you?"

San laughed softly at that.

"Never in my life did I think I'd actually end up dating my almost murderer."

She rolled her eyes at that.

"You were the idiot that wasn't paying attention." She reminded him.

"I was trying to take a picture of a bunny that was nearby thank you. Which you scared off by the way."

They began reminiscing about their times after a year of dating, laughing about their first fight, their first kiss and the times they met each other's respective parents.

"You looked terrified of my dad."

"How was I supposed to be calm? Especially after he said he wanted to talk to me in private?" San defended himself.

Y/N hummed softly.

"What did he talk to you about anyway?"

San shrugged softly.

"The usual...like...if I broke your heart, he was going to break my balls."

Y/N actually slapped her knee at that one, knowing fully well her father would really be the type to say such things.

San scratched the back of his head as he wondered if he should say the next part.

"He.....also asked....... if I loved you...."

Y/N felt her heart drop at that word. Even though they had been dating for a year, they had never said the L word. She wanted to change the subject, afraid of his answer, but curiosity got the better of her and she had to ask.

"What....what did you tell him?" She fidgeted with the ends of her hoodie.

San shifted so he sat in front of her. Taking her hands in his, he confessed:

"I told him I loved you with all my heart and that.....I hoped you felt the same way..."

He looked at her with hopeful eyes, gulping slightly, afraid that his feelings weren't reciprocated. When Y/N didn't respond for a minute, he let out a defeated sigh.

"All right. I understand." He made move to get up, but Y/N made him stay in place.

"No silly. I was just shocked you actually told my father that." She explained.

"Well I wasn't going to lie. I do love you Y/N, truly I do." His voice sounded desperate at this point.

Y/N teared up and pulled him into a tight embrace.

"Oh Sannie.....I love you too."

San widened his eyes at her words, he felt himself tearing up as well, but he was filled with warmth at the thought that she felt the same, it was not a one sided love. He couldn't help himself as he cupped her face and began pecking her lips repeatedly.

"I love you. I love you with all my heart."

He giggled as he intensified his kisses, turning them from small pecks into more heated and passionate lip locks that had her craving for more. San ended up pushing her onto the floor, his hands placed on either side of her face. They both looked at each other, both wanting to ask the same question but too shy to actually speak out about having their first time right then.

"Y/N.....if you don't want to, we can-"

She silenced him by pulling him on top of her and resuming their makeout session.

"I want to. Go ahead." She assured him.

San kissed her forehead.

"I love you so much."

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~December 25, 3 years later~

All of the boys gathered around the tree, already ecstatic at the thought of opening their presents.

"I'm really looking forward to Yeosang's gift for me." Mingi bounced in his seat.

"I told you. I got you socks." Yeosang repeated for the thousandth time, making everybody burst out laughing.

"You know you're just joking Sangie." Wooyoung pinched his cheek, much to Yeosang's dismay.

The clock struck midnight, signaling that it was now time to open presents. There was a lot of noises, squealing and rustling of paper heard, the latter all discarded near the floor, soon picked up by Seonghwa, who hated seeing litter scattered about.

"Perfect for you Hwa. I actually got you a broom and dustpan set." Hongjoong snickered as he held out the cleaning supplies from the house to his friend.

"Shut up." Seonghwa groaned, not at all amused by the joke.

"Calm down. I actually got you something else." Hongjoong held out the actual gift, which turned out to be Toothless slippers and bathrobe set. It made Seonghwa burst out laughing, donning his infamous awkward smile.

"Yah! What is this Kang Yeosang?!" Mingi held out a box full of assorted socks.

Yeosang merely shrugged.

"What? You all laughed and joked that I wasn't serious. Jokes on you bitches. I was dead serious." Yeosang sipped his tea as he stared Mingi down, who merely pouted.

"Look on the bright side Mingi. Yunho might stop complaining about you stealing his socks." Seonghwa patted his shoulder.

"It's not me!" Mingi retorted.

"No one else's feet but yours fit in them!" Yunho accused him.

Y/N and San just laughed and decided to just enjoy the presents they got for each other. Y/N was happy that San liked his presents, but she was saving the best for last, knowing he was going to go wild about it.

Pulling him outside, she closed the door behind them both, ignoring the chaos going on inside.

"If it's another mistletoe trick, I won't mind." San was already puckering his lips.

"No silly....there's another present I wanted to give you."

"Oh?" San tilted his head.

She pulled out a small and thin white box that had a purple ribbon wrapped around it. San shook it near his ear, trying to guess what was in it, but had no clue. He carefully unwrapped the ribbon and opened the box. He had to do a double take as he peered into the contents. He looked at his lover with wide eyes.

"Is this....?" He asked for confirmation.

She nodded and chuckled happily. San's face lit up and he picked her up, spinning her around as he kissed the side of her head.

"Oh my God! This is the best Christmas present ever my love! Thank you!"

Tears of joy started streaming down his face as he embraced the love of his life for a long time. He wasted no time in speeding back inside the house and wave the object around for everyone to see.

"Guys! We're having a baby! You're all gonna be uncles!"

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~December 5, Present Day~

San and Y/N made sure the carrier was covered fully by the long and thick blanket. After making sure it was sunny, San opened the door and allowed his sweetheart to walk out. Y/N carefully walked down the steps of the cabin they always stayed in since the day they met. San followed after her, one step behind her, ready to help if she needed anything.

They both looked at each other and smiled. Y/N put the carrier gently down on the blanket of snow as San took out his camera.

"Ready." San gave her the ok sign.

Y/N peeled back the blanket covering the carrier, revealing their tiny 4 month old baby daughter, who was now wide awake and observing her surroundings.

"Smile snowflake." San took a picture of her.

Light snow started to fall around them and the tiny baby reached her hand out to touch this new object that was foreign to her. A tiny snowflake fell on her nose and she sneezed softly when it made contact with her skin.

Her parents couldn't help but coo at how lovely and adorable she was. Picking her up along with several blankets, Y/N showed off the view to her.

"Look darling. This is the exact spot daddy and I met years ago."

San chuckled as he kept taking photos of his two most precious treasures in his life. After getting his fill, he walked up next to Y/N, poking his daughter's cheek.

"Even though you were born in summer, I'm sure you'll learn to love the winter just as much as we do."

The baby continued to be fascinated by the falling snow around her, her arms flailing into the air, trying to catch it, only to fall in confusion every time it melted in her tiny hand.

"I say she already loves it." Y/N noticed her reactions.

"I'm glad she does. I can't wait to bring her here every year to watch the first snow fall every time." San kissed her tiny head before looking back at his wife and repeating the action on her forehead.

"I love you. And I love our precious snowflake too."

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[ironmandeficiency]

falcon, falcon, goose!

pairing: sam wilson / reader

word count: 3547

summary: there were reports of geese leading people to their soulmates spanning centuries, and it seemed like a cool concept, but why did it have to coincide with you coming out of your writing slump?

warnings: cursing, geese, dumbassery, implied happy au where the avengers get along, iw and endgame who?

a/n: this is an older piece i wrote a couple years ago, decided to brush it up and repost it. and the reader works for snl bc why the hell not? keep in mind that the original was written before everything went to shit w iw & endgame. posted from mobile yet again yall what is wrong w me

it was a sunny day outside, and deciding that you had been cooped up for far too long, you brought your laptop to the park a couple blocks from your studio apartment.

being a writer for saturday night live wasn't always so peachy, what with the lack of a social life outside of your co-workers and constantly explaining your job to confused relatives. you had been in a slump for the past couple weeks, the fact most of your sketch ideas not making the cut for the next episode continuing to throw you off your rhythm.

this week, you were going to change that. Your headphones were playing your concentration playlist full volume and you were hyped to the max. with your laptop on the picnic table in front of you and a warm cup of tea beside it, you were ready to blow the producers away with your next idea.

"honk! honk!"

you felt something nudge your leg, but you were too engrossed into what you were typing to care. after getting through a few more lines, it happened again.

"honk! honk! honk!"

you couldn't hear the sound but the feeling on your leg got a little bit rougher, more demanding. you moved your headphones to the side for a minute and took a moment to look around you. there was no kid running to get their ball back or any squirrels nearby that dropped a nut.

strange.

but you put your headphones back on, trying to keep your groove alive while hoping the interruptions are finished.

"HONK! HONK! HONK!" the goose honked louder, pecking at your leg harder than it had earlier.

you were getting frustrated and a little pissed. the creativity was flowing through your veins for the first time in what felt like ages and this — whatever it was — decided that today was the best day to annoy you.

you kicked your legs out with a strange flail and when you came into contact with something large and solid you nearly screamed.

"ow! motherf- oh my god!"

standing on the ground beside your table was a goose. it honked yet again with impatience (geese could do that?) and nipped lightly at your thigh closest to it. looking to the pond nearby, it was nearly an entire gaggle of the damned things.

so here was this goose honking at you and nipping at you like you were supposed to know what the hell it wanted from you.

"i don't have any bread, dumbass. go find someone else to bother." thinking it would leave if you ignored it, you turned away and continued your work.

"HONK! HONK!" it continued to honk and decided to peck you before flapping its wings, landing itself on the table next to your computer.

"get outta here, ya damn goose!" while you were trying to shop it away, it expertly evaded you. "go! shoo! leave me alone!"

it just stayed over on the bench, expertly dodging your attempts to get it to leave.

a few people nearby had heard your altercation with the infernal bird. one of them was an older gentleman that laughed as he sat across from you, the mirth in his eyes glinting as you give him a sarcastic side eye while trying to deal with the current issue.

"that bird won't leave you alone, you know." At his voice, the goose calmed down and waddled a few feet away from your arm's reach.

that was the first time the thing had been seemingly calm since he showed up at your little table.

"what do you mean he won't leave me alone?"

he pauses, part of him enjoying the irritation in your tone. he remembers someone talking to him like he was to you many years ago, and it made his heart smile at the idea of repaying the favor. "have you ever read about soulmate geese?"

"hey we're gonna go for a run, wanna join?" steve’s offer was given with a smirk. ever since reuniting with bucky, the two supersoldiers found so much humor in doing laps around sam every time they went out jogging.

it annoyed the shit out of him, the "on your left" comments from steve and the newer "on your right" jabs from bucky, but it also pushed Sam to work harder during his runs. ultimately he knew his non-enhanced body didn't stand much of a chance beating them, but he enjoyed when he was able to close the gap between their times just a little bit.

"sure, just gimme a few to eat breakfast and I'll join you guys." the blond nodded and turned back to the elevator, having woken up far earlier than sam and therefore already ate.

he hummed otis redding as he laid the bacon flat into the pan, shoulders moving along with his created rhythm while changing the grounds in the coffee filter. this was how he spent most of his mornings, barring the occasional hangovers and missions where he couldn't afford the distraction.

he ate, got dressed, and told FRIDAY to let bucky and steve know he was ready to go. h had his water bottle in hand, giving his body a pep talk in preparation for the run. they met in the common room and soon, the trio was off.

"on your left!"

"on your right!"

"oh, come on!"

he knew it was gonna happen, but for some reason it felt like it happened sooner than normal. either they were trying really hard to mess with him today, or he was off his game. but regardless, he pushed his body harder than he probably should have because when there was something obstructing his path, he didn't pause. no, he charged it straight on through and fell hard.

steve and bucky had seen this from a distance and immediately rushed to get to their friend.

sam rolled onto his back, exhausted and now in terrible pain from the fall. he closed his eyes and just let it all sink in. when he opened his eyes at the sudden foul smell flooding his nostrils, he could feel the palpitations, thinking he was about to have a heart attack.

"holy shit!" sam sat up like a rocket despite the way his body was throbbing from the fall.

the goose stared at him curiously and turned its head toward the pounding footsteps from the approaching brooklynites.

"sam! What happened?" steve was concerned, inspecting sam while bucky noticed the bird. The brunet bent down to meet the goose eye-level and was somewhat surprised that it didn't run away at the close proximity.

"did you trip the dumbass? was it your fault sam landed on his face? Huh, little guy?"

"honk! honk!"

"i thought so. good job, man." bucky pats the animal on the head gently before turning to help steve get sam off the ground.

"nothing’s broken but there's probably a sprain, can't really be sure until we get to cho." sam and bucky lift their friend from the pavement and they have no problem supporting his weight.

they began the walk back to the tower in silence. well, almost silence. there was a faint pitter-patter of tiny, webbed feet behind them that sam and bucky weren't paying attention to.

steve noticed the goose slowly waddling behind the trio and looked at sam with a smile. sam responded to steve’s happy face with a glare, not enjoying any of the situation he found himself in.

"look behind us, guys."

both men took turns looking behind them and see the goose waddling behind them patiently. sam wasn't particularly happy about the culprit from moments before trailing behind him, but bucky thought it was hilarious.

"do you know what this means?"

sam rolled his eyes because he thought the blond was about to make some sort of poetic comment about one thing for another.

bucky had paused to think about the implications of a random goose for a moment before gasping. "dude," bucky nudged sam softly, being conscious of his friend's injuries. "you’re gonna meet your soulmate, man!"

"a soulmate goose. man come on, are you out of your mind?"

"steve got his goose back during the war, i think we know enough about it."

sam had only heard vague reports of soulmate geese throughout his life, but now that he thought about it, it did make sense. the goose showed up randomly in the middle of his routine, completely throwing him off, and was now refusing to leave him alone.

"well if this is my soulmate goose, then somebody’s gotta tell tony about our newest avenger." they laughed at the implication, viciously eager to witness tony’s reaction to the newest resident of avengers hq.

it has been three days of dealing with your goose, and you were now teased at work as “bird brain”, walking into your office to see several loaves of bread covering the desk. your goose, that you had named piper once you got home, was excited at the prospect of more food, but you planned on donating most of the bread to local shelters, only keeping a couple loaves for the house.

the guest host that week was mick jagger, and he had emerged into the room “i dream of jeanie” style, startling both you and piper, who honked at him in irritation.

it was time for you to work on the song for your little sketch with him, and you had only two more days before performance night (it was thursday) to finish writing it. after settling down and getting into the right mindset, the writing process had begun.

"alright let's see," mick murmured. "let’s all go to the picnic, let's all have a drink. what rhymes with 'drink'?"

you thought for a moment and said quietly, "think?"

you weren't prepared for the absurd response you received from the man, his accent making him round mean as he barked out a loud "NO!" with an unnecessary hand gesture.

piper just about lost it. she was honking and flapping around your office in a tizzy (but staying away from mick because the man was seen as a stranger she wasn't comfortable with).

you racked your brain for another solution, something else to rhyme with 'drink' and you eventually found it: "sink?"

mick thought about it for a moment before replying with a much lighter "yes!" also paired with unwarranted pointing.

‘motherfucker, is this how you write songs?!'

thursday and friday came and went, and soon it was time for your piece to be performed by mick. du to an accidental ankle twist someone else suffered, you were forced to perform a skit live for the first time in your career. it would have been great, but there was one teensy problem: piper blatantly refused to leave your side when it was time to perform, and she would honk and bite anyone that tried to keep her from you onstage.

even poor bobby, who she had grown fond of, was taking the brunt of it. she was not allowing you to be more than a couple feet away from her, and it was almost endearing if you weren't being broadcast on national television.

apparently, piper would also be making her debut appearance on saturday night live tonight as well.

saturday had arrived, and it was sam’s day of rest. he spent the day doing the bare minimum, eating junk food and watching almost everything on netflix he could find.

he didn't stray too far from tradition, not really. it was just that now he had a goose accompanying him the entire time, honking at this and that and eating occasional pieces of popcorn that sam didn't want to share.

he didn't mind his feathered companion, he was actually quite fond of his goose at this point. whitewing (not to be confused with redwing) was the most calm goose any of them had seen, no biting or nipping and especially no honking at ungodly hours of the night.

steve was perplexed. "Are you sure whitewing hasn't done anything bad? no waking you up at night or bites when you don't feed him soon enough?"

sam would chuckle and shake his head, proud to have such a calm goose. "why are you so keen to see him misbehave? aren’t all soulmate geese like this?"

"for lack of a better word, most geese are assholes. i don't know how whitewing is so well behaved," steve balked at the very idea of all geese being so mellow and decided it was story time.

steve’s goose from the century before was the most rambunctious animal anyone had ever seen. he recounted the first and several occasions following where his soulmate goose, jimmy, fended off the blond man's alleyway attackers.

sam was extremely grateful that whitewing had less feral and goose-like tendencies. whitewing was extremely well behaved and had an almost human way about him, the way he honked in reply to sam or the rest of the team when they talked to him.

it was late in the evening when clint decided to plop down onto the couch and flick the channel to nbc, where tonight's host was mick jagger.

"why are we watching this?" sam was enjoying his sitcoms before the other bird man had showed up.

"i haven't watched it in ages, plus mick jagger is on tonight."

"alright, whatever you want."

the intro played like usual, and whitewing was perfectly complacent. they laughed in the right places with the occasional honking from the bird, and everything was great.

"hey man, look!" clint interrupted, keeping sam from being able to hear the punchline. "i think that's a goose!"

"why is there a goose? The skit has nothing to with-"

sam and clint seemed to come to the same realization at the same time as whitewing, the goose beginning to honk incessantly. he was going absolutely berserk, flapping his wings and hopping off of sam’s lap and onto the coffee table, occasionally pecking at the tv where he saw the other goose.

he was going absolutely bonkers.

"whitewing! whitewing, no! calm down!" sam scrambled to calm down his goose, but he was having none of it. the whole entire skit, whitewing was honking and flapping and being a general nuisance.

he found his soulmate.

whitewing kept at it until the screen went to a commercial, his soulmate off of the screen.

"y’know," clint spoke around a slice of pizza. when did he get pizza? "if you hurry, you could go to the studio and meet your soulmate. the show is about halfway over."

before sam could think over the proposition, tony’s voice was heard from the corridor. "somebody shut that damned bird up before I pay ramsay to cook it!"

"i’m taking care of it!"

with that, sam heads to the armory with whitewing on his tail to get his wings. once he's equipped, sam heads to the window and jumps, immediately setting his course for studio 8h and his soulmate.

you’re released to go back to your office once you finish the skit alongside mick and piper, the show almost over. you’re gathering your things lazily, knowing that you have no other responsibilities for the night.

just as you lock your office and piper is waddling beside you without a care in the world, you see kyle running towards you with a look of fear in his eyes. that fear seems to only triple when his eyes land on piper beside you.

"kyle! what’s-"

"there’s another goose on the set! no one is safe!"

wait, was he bleeding?!

you were going to try and help your friend but one look at piper sent him off the rails, the lanky man nearly falling on his ass in an attempt to skid the corner. you hoped that someone would help calm your panicked friend, seeing as you were literally the worst person for the job at the moment.

without further incident, you are able to say goodbye to cecily and mikey before you're stopped in your tracks by michael, who gives piper a funny look.

"wait, so the goose that attacked kyle wasn't piper?" You shake your head in confusion. "dude, your soulmate must have come to the set!"

piper must have either understood what your co-worker had said or she could sense a change in the studio, but she began to honk erratically and run away from you. the last thing new york needed was two feral geese running around attacking people, so you did what anyone would do and ran after her.

"piper! piper, come back!" michael laughed as you chased after your goose. while you were running, you nearly died when you heard a honk that you knew wasn't from your piper. hers were carved into your brain, and you were positive that you could pick hers out of an entire gaggle of geese, so there was indeed a second goose in the studio.

to your dismay, piper did not stop and wait, she just kept on honking and flapping and scaring people in pursuit of the other goose, poor old you having to chase her.

there was another voice you assumed was yelling at his goose since you didn't know of anyone naming their kid whitewing. your eyes were not looking straight ahead when you suddenly bumped into someone, immediately stumbling a bit before regaining your balance.

piper had stopped her honking and that scared you. did someone hurt her? was she-

her and another goose were making muted honks to each other. they sounded like affectionate honks, which is one of the weirdest sentences you ever constructed in your head. but it was true! they were cuddling close to each other and making really quiet honking noises at each other, and if that wasn’t affectionate then you didn’t know what would be.

so if piper found her soulmate, that means yours was-

"i hope comin' to your job was okay. whitewing wasn't gonna give up until I left, so here we are." your eyes were dragged from the touching scene of piper and her special goose to a pair of dark brown irises that radiated warmth and a promise of happy days.

you were absolutely dumbstruck. your mouth was unable to form coherent words, so you decided to take in the appearance of your soulmate. he was wearing a soft grey tee and sweatpants, and socks without shoes. did he realize how unsanitary the streets of new york were?

but upon further investigation, you realize that he probably didn't walk to the studio. on his back was what you would normally call a jetpack, but when you recognize the face your mind completes the puzzle: your soulmate is sam wilson, otherwise known as the falcon. holy shit.

"uh yeah of course, i guess you flew here? no sane person in new york would walk around barefoot in the street." did you really just say that?!

sam nodded and then remembered that he was in his pajamas in front of his soulmate without any shoes. "yeah, he wasn't gonna stop attacking the tv once he saw uh…"

you realized he was asking for your goose’s name, and so you hastily gave it to him.

"yeah, once he saw piper, he went wild. caused more chaos in five minutes than he did in five days!"

you laugh, the nervousness falling away as you recount the story of you first meeting with piper.

people are staring at the pajama-clad avenger and his soulmate, their geese finally satisfied. after all, it wasn't every day so many people were able to watch soulmate geese (and their people) meet for the first time.

sam gently took your hand, his thumb smoothing the skin on the back of it, just listening to you talk. you asked him a question about whitewing and he was in the middle of telling you when he cut himself off. "i just realized i don't even know your name!"

in most scenarios you’d be slightly put off by this, but you didn't have an issue because of the specific circumstances. if he weren't an avenger you wouldn't have known his either, and plus, no one really pays attention to the little rat writers. you give him your name and smile when he introduces himself, his voice even helping show off the brightest smile you’ve ever seen.

with impeccable goose timing, piper and whitewing honk at you to hurry your introductions and leave the studio.

"do you want to fly back to your place , or can I drive you?" it was a risk to ask him such a question, but you were genuinely concerned. you hoped he wouldn't think you were trying to jump his bones only minutes after meeting him so you used (terrible) humor to show your intentions. "you shouldn't fly so late at night without headlights, no matter how high up you get."

sam’s laughter was infectious and soon you joined him, your geese about to get more irritated with their humans.

"yeah, I'd like that. lead the way, soulmate." piper and whitewing honk as the two of you head to the lobby hand in hand, the birds waddling behind you just as happy as soulmate geese could be.