#going for a very long cold shower don’t hmu

[hangmanapologist]

I want to push Bob’s glasses up his nose while I ride him that’s all

[writefightandflightclub]

wait ik weird question but how do you imagine nathan's bathroom looks like

Please find me GOING WAY TOO HARD in response to this ask below the cut. I mean it, moodboards (PLURAL), the whole deal. I’m SO sorry!

Nathan Bateman’s Bathroom: Luna Goes Way Too Hard

Canon vs. Headcanon + about this post: his bedroom is underground, so if he has an en suite it might be similarly windowless, and possibly even quite Spartan. I think the complex may have multiple bathrooms though (and I’ve realised I imagined at least three different ones in my head for different fics), so if we’re bending the rules a little to imagine a bathroom that makes the most of the setting, I think the moodboards suggest the general aesthetic I have in my head. Basically, since none of the pics I found were 100% accurate, and because I’m a huge NERD, I also followed up with lengthy descriptions no-one asked for. (Look, I never promised I wasn’t over-invested... and not just in the character of Nathan and in the movie, but ALSO? The architecture / design / setting of that house is my dream, and I’m a bit of a geek about interiors and especially how they link with characters so I’m sorry if you REGRET EVER ASKING!) Of course, if anyone has other thoughts on this, or other questions I can go WAY too deep on hmu! 🧡

Bathroom mood/vibe: efficient / understated / minimalist / slightly clinical edge. Decadent but in a very subtle way. Not flashy- luxurious more because of the materials, setting, design etc. rather than anything “in your face”. Not cosy exactly, but don’t get me wrong- everything is high-end- heated floors, amazing water pressure and settings, softest towels.

Colours: raw concrete, slate grey, stone beige, wood colours, maybe a hint of teal/copper but very subtle.

Textures/materials: It’s not exactly a cosy / warm room in some ways, but the natural textures soften it a lot and make it oddly comforting. Think raw concrete, exposed rock. Glass, obviously, with the floor to ceiling wall of windows. Accents of slatted wood-panelling reminiscent of a steam room. Natural textures in accessories e.g. wood bath tray, soap dish. Amber glass pump bottles- no plastic to be seen! Maybe a hint of marble. Nothing too shiny, not even the shower fixtures- maybe black!? And nothing that looks like it isn’t meant to be there or isn’t in-keeping with the natural textures... anything too modern will be hidden somewhere seamlessly. Nathan doesn’t have a lot of tech on display for a tech genius...

Shapes: sharp lines and boxy shapes, and everything very uniform, contrasting with the naturalness of the exposed stone and outdoor scenery (parallels with the whole theme of natural vs. manmade in the movie). Boxy shapes but everything integrated into something else if possible, adding to the sense of elegance and efficiency, e.g. boxy shelves set directly into walls, or ledges popping-out to form benches. Maybe a long countertop the length of one wall with the sink set into it. Lots of continuous lines and shapes rather than items plonked around with no coherency.

Wow factor: that view though! Imagine either a free-standing or sunken tub at the far end of the room (I asked irl husband and he said maybe the bath even disappears into the floor when it’s not in use and then it’s just a giant wet room!) with a whole wall of windows looking out over the stunning, wild Alaskan landscape. It’s not overlooked so you can start the day nude having a cold shower (like the glacial waters you see in the distance) like Nathan does, or you can finish it off in a hot bath while looking out at THAT majesty, watching golden hour rake through the trees and spreading dappled, molten colour through the room. I also imagine that some of the roof is glass, maybe with a covering over the top which is retractable, (so imagine a glass cube jutting out a little from the side of the compound), so that you can lie in the bath and stargaze, and almost feel like you’re outside without being subjected to the thaw.

Layout/design: I don’t imagine shower doors, or many traditional doors or windows. I think it would be quite opened up, like a whole, multi-purpose wet room. However, I think instead there might be well-located partitions e.g. a partition separating out the toilet / bidet. Who wants to look at that?!

Functional stuff: No obvious bulbs or bright lights but soft, hidden lights. Slight lighting drama in places to highlight features e.g. lights fanning across textures of stone, running along the edges of a boxy shelf. Plus, the dim lighting is appreciated by Nathan when he’s hungover. At least one of those fancy rain shower heads. But also other attachments and taps and nozzles for whatever you may wanna do. Everything is convenient and customisable. Nathan is fussy and why would he settle for less than his exact pereference when he doesn’t have to?! And why should you?! Also, there are obviously integrated speakers in case you want to listen to music or whatever, without having to faff with a Bluetooth speaker. Nathan often likes it silent, but the option is there for when the mood strikes. Oh, and I hope he has a hot tub and lil steam room somewhere else in the development, out on a deck we haven’t seen. Maybe further into the forest, or underground.

Signs of life: Nathan’s fluffy, slate grey bathrobe. Slate grey and spa white towels. The bare minimum of grooming products (dental stuff, beard oil, grooming kit, shaver, aftershave) and a large rectangular sink with a mirror so he can groom the beard and keep his head freshly buzzed (the mirror also comes in handy so he can check-out the results of his working-out, or to have a good view if he wanna get, ahem, frisky with anyone). Although, I’m convinced that although Nathan’s routine is minimal, he probably has something fancy stashed away - some lush oils for sore muscles or facial treatments. (Basically, I don’t think he’d be entirely against a spa day.) Other things he has stashed away? Painkillers/over-the-counter hangover remedies, some scientifically proven super vitamins, who knows what else? He’s pretty secretive. Ocassionally, some magazines or journals or papers he’s been reading are casually strewn in there. He has to keep up with the outside world somehow, and we know from the post-it wall that sometimes he appreciates things analogue. Also, he subscribes to some art quarterlies that I’m clearly not fancy enough to know about, so there’s that.

How does he use the room? Headcanons etc. I personally don’t see Nathan as a bath person. At least, not unless someone... persuasive convinces him of the benefits. He’s efficient and mainly sees it as a waste of time. Also he sits down enough that he’s keen to stand when he can. Besides, for someone who works out and gets sweaty so much, showers make more sense. There are exceptions; for example, he might bathe if he’s super sore from weight-training, but he has a lil bath tray and he’s willing to risk electrocution by bringing his laptop in there so he can soak and work at the same time. However, the tub is technically roomy enough for two. And, crucially, it has middle taps, so no-one gets poked in the back if you go end-to-end. Ah, why not pour some champagne and bubbles and lie back and see how long you can keep him there. I’m sure you can put up a pretty convincing argument.

If you actually read of all this I both apologise and thank you 🤣🙏🙈

[raikangaru]

Take My Leave /1 - Zuko x Reader

Warnings: angst

one shot

part two part three

I feel alone even when a crowd surrounds me, I emptily smile and answer the nobles that have come to socialise with me. My eyes continue to watch the pair across from me, my soon to be husband wrapped up in his ex-girlfriend’s childhood friend’s arms, I purse my lips in dissatisfaction, and slowly took a breath in and out, Zuko loves me. “Oi (your name)! Everything alright?”Sokka asks me, I rip my eyes from the pair and turn my attention to the water tribe man, “yup, you know me not much of a social butterfly,”I lie through my teeth he stares at me doubtfully but shakes it off,”well then, can I have this dance, future Firelady,”I cringe at the title, it had been something I wanted but now it hurts to hear it, I plastered a fake smile for Sokka as I took his hand. He ushers us to the dance floor where several other people were dancing, we position into the waltz but Sokka had other plans playfully dipping me and spinning me around the dance floor.

All throughout the dance I had been laughing, I hadn’t genuinely laughed this much and been happy but almost in an instant the feeling was gone and replaced with jealously and dread. Mai and Zuko had gone to a secluded corner and she had thrown her arms around Zuko, whispering ill words into the black haired man’s ear. I shake my head and concentrate on dancing with Sokka, plastering the most perfect fake smile I could muster. My whole being hurt, it’s as if my body had felt numb but I had to hold up until the end of this event, holding my head high. “Sokka, lets have a seat and eat some desserts,”I say to the water tribe man and he agrees excitedly leading us to the large dessert table, I scan through all the sweet treats and pick the egg tarts. We then sit at our table and much in the treats,”ne (your name), where’s Zuko?”Aang asks, I cringe but quickly masking it,”uh he’s probably busy talking business with the nobles, it’s a good time to solidify connections,”I lie through my teeth, hoping to sound very convincing.

“Ahh I see”

***

The night had finally come to an end and it was time for me and the rest of the Avatar gang to retire into our own quarters, “Firelord Zuko has a urgent meeting,”the guards push the doors open to Zuko and I’s shared quarters. The room was cold and empty, I shake my head and make my way to the bathroom, stripping off my fancy robes and undoing the tight ties of my hair, I stand bare infront of the mirror before taking a cloth and gently removing the makeup. Tears stream down my eyes as a sob racks through my body, more and more days do I feel lonely and heartbroken, a tiny part of me wants to believe him when he says, Mai is really just a friend.

“Zuko, it makes me uncomfortable how Mai treats you,”I say, eyeing the male as he works from his desk, he stares at me before going back to his,”why do you say that?”he replies continuing on with the paperwork. I shift in the seat, feeling uncomfortable already,”don’t you think she’s little bit too touchy with you,”I look away, my heart pounding in my chest as silence blankets us. “I don’t think she is,”he breaks the silence,”oh, she’s clinging on your arm more than me,”I say quietly looking at everything except him, he stops writing and we’re back in silence.

“She’s just a friend,”he dismisses the subject but I couldn’t just accept it,”she acts as if she’s your fiancé,”I counter now looking at the scarred man,”well you should act more like her,”my heart sinks, his words cut like a knife, I’m rendered speechless as I stare at him in disbelief. I gather up my robes and leave his office, tears brim at my eyes but I refuse to let them fall. It feels like she’s more than just your friend.

I lay in bed, unable to fall asleep. Thoughts of when Zuko used to give me his attention and shower me with his love, the promises he had given me now all empty as I lay here lonely and upset. He’s no longer the man I used to know, whom I’ve shared my deepest secrets and desires, the man I had fought against and fought side by side with. Tonight was the end of my misery, I am tired, all my life I knew nothing good lasts forever, I tiredly get off the bed. Slipping on a thick outer robe and a pouch of my own money, I push the doors open,”lady (your name), you’re still awake,”I smile weakly to the guards before heading in the direction of my ‘soon-to-be husband’, his office door had been left unguarded and I pushed the door open.

The sight before me does not surprise me but it does still aches to see it happen, Zuko and Mai are cuddled on his loveseat as they both share a passionate kiss. They both break apart and almost jump away from each other when they saw me,”(your name) let me explain,”Zuko says as he pushes Mai and gets up from the seat,”no it’s okay Zuko, I had come here to inform you of my withdrawal of your engagement,”I say calmly, trying my hardest to not let my voice crack, holding in tear that have threatened to spill, refusing to show any pain. I hold my ground but my heart has shattered in pieces, my heart,”no don’t say that (your name), I love you,”his voice cracks,”if you love me, you’ll let me go,”my resolve betrays me as a tear slips down my cheek,”I can’t be like her, so I’m giving you the freedom and releasing you from me,”I weakly smile as my heart clenches and my tears are now steadily falling.

“(your name) you’re making a mistake, you belong to me”

“I’m making us both happy, Zuko you were never mine,”it’s taking everything in me to say these words,”it hurts me to be in a relationship with you and it seems like you don’t want to be in it either”,I sob out.

”Fine, then you can go fuck off. You’re a fucking bitch anyways, so needy of my attention.”fresh tears flood my vision but I continue to stand tall and offer both of them a smile.

“Then, I shall take my leave”

//

m a s t e r l i s t

heyya! sorry this is sad and i took so long to update, been taking my japanese classes! anyways i’m trying my best to update as much but i’m in need to ideas haha! i got some but i feel it’s no good or you guys might not like it. anyways leave a like if you enjoyed and hmu if you have any suggestions, have a great day!

all the love xx

[unluckybreadling]

Nae.gami.giri hcs

For M.preg ma.koto and I partially blame @tum-bakery <3 more under cut cuz I ramble and this would take too long for an ask.

- When Ma.koto first announces to them that he’s pregnant the just “0_0″ and have to sit down and just reflect or something. Both are for once shocked into silence, they’re happy of course! but they just take a minute and also realize that their sex life is on pause which is going to be frustrating for sure those two mfs are horny as hell-

-When they tell their friends, A.oi screams and bounces around excited and gets very very giddy... she just so excited. Hi.ro is also happy for them and happily tells them that he predicted this would happen. To.ko is sadden because ya know master has a heir that isn’t being carried by her but is happy for the trio. Kom.aru is ecstatic, her and A.oi bounce around  already making plans for the baby. -Hey! I didn’t forget about the ghosts ya know! They’re overjoyed too! Expect for Jun.ko of course she is just disgusted bc ew too much hope in the room. Then class 77 finds out and they’re already whipping shit up for the baby, Kome.ada being the mostest because ‘A NEW GENERATION OF HOPE! HOPE GIVING BIRTH TO NEW HOPE-” he’s having a major fangirl moment.  

-Oh! And the Na.egi cult they have a day of celebration for (their) christ will bore a child and it’ll be holy!! -Its doctor time and Bya.kuya and kyo.ko practically faint meanwhile Ma.koto is overflowing with Joy, and looks them and just sighs happily, because guess what bitches??? ITS TWINS!!! (maybe triplets next time) -Now I hc that makoto has two tall ass partners (Kuya being like 6″2-3′ cuz i’m pretty sure he grew and Kyo.ko being 6″1 & like 6″7′ with heels) so you be one of those crazy cult members (or Nag.ito) that try to touch his stomach to feel blessed or something, your ass will get stopped by two cold as ice glares and either one of them lifting your shirt collar. You will not touch the egg or the mini ones, PERIOD. -Anyway that being said the two are furiously protective (they were before he was pregnant but now its like amp up) they basically coddle ma.koto. He needs his weird carving food at 3am? The chef is on it. A foot stool? Its made out of the softest fabric ever. They just spoil the man, ma.koto doesn’t mind.  -Because ma.koto is tiny and these babies appear to be big (Bya.kuya: Stop feeding them ice cream if they’re so big. Ma.koto: I can’t!!! they’re always hungry!!!) he out grows clothes rather quickly, so they are always out shopping. Stretchy Maternity clothes are the only thing he survives in. Though bya.kuya would like him in more formal clothes, Kyo.ko doesn’t care he looks handsome either way.

- Ma.koto is often self conscious about his body as the he knows when the twins are out it’ll just be left over fat and stretch marks. ky.oko and bya.kuya are like total babes they don’t need an out of shape partner, he fears they’ll leave him. His partners are like ‘???What makes you think we’ll leave you just because you have some fat or stretch marks??? We still love you.’ and ma.koto just bawls at that statement.

-  Bya.kuya and Kyo.ko were often scared to touch Ma.koto’s stomach they fear that like they’ll curse it or something. They don’t really know how to be affection-y, so they try to avoid touching (both talk to the twins for the most part) but it hurts ma.koto when they clearly want to touch it but are hesitant. It isn’t till one day both twins are active and ma.koto has tried calming them down. So he just grabs their hands and like ‘calm them down, now.’ and it works.

- The trio wanted to have small baby shower. But No, its the seven of them plus the WOH, and class 77, so it is LOUD. They got all these gifts from friends, FF members and of course the cult. Its very overwhelming.

-Also Yes Nag.ito had to be kept on a leash and ibuki was not allowed to play her music in fear of the twins health.

-Overall the shower was fun and the trio got more baby stuff, parenting tips and baby accessories than they could ever imagine. and three promptly passout afterwards.

- Oh Ig I should have mentioned this earlier but ma.koto is a workaholic, and being the headmaster of HPA while pregnant is just stressing both Kyo.ko and Bya.kuya out as both aren’t there with him to force get him to take a day off. He finally starts working from home around his mid second trimester.  -Something silly but I hc the makoto is curvy (more so than average, girls get jealous lol)  from behind he looks normal but then he turns around boom! baby belly. It's a shocker, especially when he gets bigger.

...hgggghg this is long but I enjoyed writing this. If you have headcanons or anything please feel free to hmu! I love hearing Hcs!

[golbrocklovely]

twisted // colby brock - chapter one

A/N: NEW STORY!!! I’m so excited for yall to read this. It’s gonna be nothing like ‘only the lonely survive’, so I’m interested to see what you guys think. Please let me know what you think of this first chapter. I know it’s not much to go off of, but the next chapter really gets into the story, and is also 2000+ words long so its a bit of doozy lol HMU if you wanna be added to the taglist for this story so you know when it gets posted. Now, on with chapter one! :)

description of the story

trigger warning: cursing

word count: 1531

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I don’t know where I am. But I can feel something’s coming close to me. I see I’m surrounded by black smoke. I can’t see anything but it. It feels like it’s getting closer to me. I can barely breathe with it around me.

“Angel…” I hear it whisper to me.

I try to speak, but nothing comes out. I feel tears run down my cheeks.

“You’re in danger…” It whispers to me. Louder and deeper this time.

I open my mouth, but my voice is gone.

Everything grows silent. It’s too dark to see anymore.

“WAKE UP.”

I jolted awake, breathing fast and deep. My skin was damp, a cold sweat sitting on my chest. I feel like I just ran a marathon. I sighed, grabbing my phone to check the time.

10:33 A.M.

Time to go to work…

I grabbed my camera that was sitting at the end of my nightstand. I flipped the screen up, turning the camera on.

“Hey what’s up you guys. I literally just woke up. And guess what? I had another weird dream. Third night, or day, in a row. This was different but still fucking weird. So in it-“

I was cut off by a loud bang. I sat up quickly, glancing at my bedroom door.

“Yo, what the fuck was that noise? I swear, it sounds like something’s in my kitchen right now. I live alone, so what the hell was that?” I whispered to the camera.

I slowly inched myself out of my bed. I creep over to my door, putting my hand on the door knob.

“In case I don’t make it out alive, I love you guys.” I muttered, pointing the camera to my face, nodding slightly.

I counted to three, and swung the door fast, screaming at the top of my lungs.

“What the fuck?!” Colby yelled, dropping the water bottle in his hand on the floor.

I sighed, annoyed. “Colby! Why are you in my house?”

He grabbed his chest, close to his heart. “Jesus Christ you scared the shit out of me!”

“You scared the shit out of me!” I yelled, “Why are you in my house?”

He took a deep breath, calming himself. “I was hungry.”

I rolled my eyes, pointing the camera back at me. “And this, kind viewers, is why you never give your best friend keys to your place. They’ll break in, make you think you’re gonna get murdered, and steal your food.”

He laughed, smiling widely. “I only break in because I care… about your food.”

I giggled back. “Shut the fuck up and make me breakfast.”

“Yes sir.” He smirked.

I shook my head and turned off the camera, placing it down on the counter. “Fuck you by the way.”

“What?” He exclaimed quietly.

I smacked his arm hard. “You could have given me a fucking heart attack. I thought someone broke in.”

He winced, grabbing his arm. “Why would you give me the spare key if you didn’t want me coming over whenever I wanted?”

“I gave it to you in case of emergency, not to come over to eat MY food.” I replied, grabbing cereal out of my cabinet and placing it in front of Colby.

He shrugged, grabbing it and getting a bowl. “Somehow your food always tastes better.”

“Probably because you don’t pay for it.” I mumbled, opening the fridge.

“Maybe…” He poured the cereal into his bowl, heading towards my dining room table.

“Besides, you can’t just show up whenever without giving me a heads up. What if I was walking around naked?” I took the milk from the fridge, only to have him take it from my hand.

He put his lips close against my ear, his other hand resting on my waist. “I pray for that everyday…”

He pulled away, slightly chuckling and walking back to the table. I rolled my eyes, holding back the shiver that ran through my body.

It’s way too early for this…

“Whatever. I’m gonna go take a shower.” I stated.

“Can I join?” Colby smirked, turning to me.

I smirked back. “In your dreams…”

He scoffed jokingly and turned back to his cereal. I walked to my bathroom, shutting the door quietly. I took a deep breath, trying to relax myself as I slowly slid my clothes off and started the water.

To describe mine and Colby’s relationship is… strange to say the least. How we met is less complicated though. I moved out to Los Angeles from the small, unknown town of Dorney, Arizona back in 2014. I started a youtube account shortly after, slowly gaining some popularity. Then one day, two boys moved in next door to me.

And the rest is (somewhat) history.

The boys and I have been friends for years. They are two of the only people I trust. Two of the only people that know everything about me. And I them.

But mine and Colby’s relationship has always been a bit different.

For one thing, we always flirt with each other. Which has caused a lot of ~drama~ in both our fandoms. Most fans believe we are secretly dating, but that’s not the case.

As much as I wish it was.

I’ve always had feelings for Colby. The moment I met him, I knew I was gonna love him forever. He just has that hold on me. But I could never tell him. I’ve ruined too many friendships with guys because I grew to have feelings for them, but they never did for me. I’ve kept my feelings to myself the whole time. Sam’s the only person that knows I like Colby. He kind of figured it out on his own.

He has told me before that Colby has feelings for me, but I don’t believe him. Colby is mostly straight-forward with girls, and he has never said a thing to me about his feelings. I think our relationship is best left as a friendship and nothing else.

I would hate to lose him. Or Sam. That’s my worst nightmare.

Stepping out of the shower, I wrapped my hair in a towel and dried my body off. I wrapped the towel around me and looked at myself in the slightly, fogged-up mirror. The towel fell to just underneath my butt.

Maybe I should show Colby what he’s missing.

I opened the door to my bathroom, smirking. Colby was on his phone, reading a message from someone. He looked deep in thought.

“Whatcha reading?” I asked, slowly walking up to him.

“Sam and I are setting up the next place we want to go explore and we got this message from a fan about a haunted bed-and-breakfast.” He replied, still staring at his phone.

I stood there for a moment, glaring at the back of his head.

He’s never gonna look at me, is he?

“That sounds cool. Is it just the two of you going or are the roommates heading with you guys?” I questioned, walking into my room and leaving the door open.

“Well, we wanted to bring Jake and Corey but both of them are busy this week,” He explained. “Sam was thinking if you’re not too busy, do you want to go?”

I shrugged, pulling my clothes on for the day. “Wait, where is it at?”

“Up in Washington. According to the fan that sent us the information, the bed-and-breakfast is known as one of the creepiest places in all of Washington. It was on an episode of Ghost Hunters so you know it’s somewhat legit.” He informed, his voice coming from right outside my room.

“You can come in you know.” I insisted, turning to see him standing at my door with his back to it.

His shoulders dropped as he turned around, “I thought I would be nice and not barge in while you’re getting dressed.”

“You being nice? To me? Are you starting another prank war?” I smirked, crossing my arms.

“I’m always nice to you. I just show it by eating your food.” He responded, laying down on my bed.

“And making fun of the boys I date.” I teased, sitting down next to him.

He groaned. “Hey, your last boyfriend was a dick. What was his name? Ray, Rob, R-“

“His name was Ryan, thank you very much.” I retorted.

“Anyway, are you down to go to Washington with us?”

“I don’t know…”

“Please.” He rested his head and hand against my thigh, looking up at me. He jutted out his bottom lip.

He shouldn’t be allowed to be this cute.

I smiled jokingly. “Only because I hate seeing you beg.”

He sat up quickly, beaming. “It’ll be fun. We’re gonna change things up this time and actually stay at the bed-and-breakfast for a couple days, instead of just overnight.”

“When do we leave?” I asked.

“Tomorrow.” He deadpanned.

I laughed. “Did you buy my ticket knowing I was gonna come with you?”

He paused. “Yes.”

“What if I said no?” I questioned, crossing my arms.

“I guess I would have had to kidnap you.” He shrugged and smiled.

I chuckled back. “I’m gonna ask for the key to my apartment back now.”

|| CHAPTER 2 >>

[gromvillage]

what i packed to go to scout summer camp

as i’ve mentioned a bit lately, i spent a week at a scouts bsa summer camp working on earning merit badges and just generally having a good time doing scouting things. as girls have just recently been allowed into scouts bsa, this is the first summer (at least on a national scale) that girls will be attending scouts bsa summer camps and thus resources are limited on what camp is like, what to pack (specifically for girls), etc. so i decided i’d talk about what i packed (or what i wished i had) for my week!

clothing

class a uniform

this is kind of obvious for most scouts, but besides just traveling in them, the camp i was at asked us to wear them for evening flags and dinner, as well as the flag retirement ceremony they had

4 sports bras

i don’t mind rewearing stuff like this for a couple days, especially if i don’t get super sweaty during the day, so i don’t bring one for every day

8 pairs underwear

bring a pair for every day you’re going to be at camp, and a couple extra pairs for emergencies. hanes has underwear made from stretchy wicking material, which i greatly prefer when i’m outside as it’s both super breatheable and easy to wash if i need to. i don’t remember the exact product name but i get them in packs of four at target

9 pairs socks

i brought less than 9 pairs of socks, but i’m recommending that you bring at least nine. this was the only thing that towards the end of the week i started to get worried that i would run out of, especially because i wanted to make sure i keep my feet clean and dry so i went through a couple pairs some days. as i wore tennis shoes all week, i brought low cut athletic socks i got at khol’s or target or somewhere like that (just make sure they’re not cotton) 

pajamas 

i took nike athletic shorts and a quick dry shirt. please please please don’t sleep in cotton clothing if you can avoid it, you sweat as you sleep, which will make the cotton damp, and then you will get chilled as the night goes on, leaving you feeling like you’re clammy and freezing even in your sleeping bag

3 class b shirts

my troop gave all the girls who went to camp 3 class b shirts, which i found to be enough as i rewore them a couple times throughout the week. if your troop doesn’t provide class b shirts, just bring more regular shirts

2-3 regular shirts

while this isn’t something i packed, they definitely would have been nice to have to wear after showers, while hanging around camp, etc. just to change things up from wearing my class b’s

4 pairs shorts

i packed 3 pairs of patagonia baggies and one pair of patagonia barely baggies and i loved having them. not only are they super comfortable, very durable and quick to dry, but i was never afraid they were going to slip off while whitewater rafting or swimming

1 pair leggings

this is another thing that i didn’t pack but wish i had, as we had what i felt was an unseasonably cold week while i was at camp

1/4 zip pullover

i took one from rei like this and was super glad to have it, again because it was pretty chilly. i wore it pretty much all day, every day while i was there and felt like it did a great job of odor control (though i didn’t actually sweat that much while in it so that may be part of it)

2 one piece swimsuits

i only packed one of these (i didn’t want to spend the money on a second one, as i would only wear it at camp) but would say that having two would have been nice, not only for the variety but also because the one i took got pretty rough smelling towards the end of the week due to the scuzzy lake water

rain coat

this is a pretty obvious thing to bring, but i wore mine almost every day, not because it was raining but because it was the only other jacket i had besides my 1/4 zip and it helped to act as a wind breaker

2 pairs tennis shoes

though i wore the same pair the whole week, i would definitely recommend bringing two pairs in case one gets wet

flip flops

to use for shower shoes. most scout camps don’t allow you to wear open toed shoes except for in the shower, so no need to bring your chacos or similar sandals

water shoes

again, we were required to wear closed toed shoes for water activities so i took a pair of my mom’s old water shoes from when she windsurfed to wear when we went whitewater rafting. luckily though, we weren't required to wear them while swimming but every camp is different so make sure you get a pair that are comfortable

gear 

footlocker

i took a footlocker like this one because it’s lockable, durable, and waterproof for the most part. i was able to fit everything i took in it with some careful arranging and it was able to slide under my cot in my tent

sleeping pad

while my camp provided us with cots, i wanted some extra comfort so i took my therm-a-rest z pad to put on top of it. i had no problems with it sliding off my cot during the night

sleeping bag

i took my marmot trestles 15 and was glad to have its warmth. some people recommend just bringing a light sleeping bag or sheets but i would say opt for your full sleeping bag, even if it’s going to be warm because you never know how chilly it may get at night

pillow

i would definitely recommend bringing one of these, especially because weight isn’t an issue with packing. i just took a small one i made using a pillow form and fleece i bought at a craft store

headlight + extra batteries

i much prefer a headlight to a flashlight as it leaves my hands free. it can also be hung in your tent to make a tent light in a pinch. always remember extra batteries!

2 water bottles

i took my 32 oz nalgene bottles, carrying one with me throughout the day and leaving one by my cot so i’d have one in case i needed water during the night

hammock and straps

the camp i go to (like most scout camps i’m assuming) is pretty infamous for its ‘hammock cities’ that develop in campsites, where scouts stack their hammocks and just generally form clusters of hammocks so i made sure to bring mine. i loved having it to hang out in while we were chilling in camp

clothesline + clothes pins

nice to hang wet clothes on (obviously) but also just air out the clothes i had worn that day. i have one from nite ize (i don’t think they make it anymore) that is a piece of paracord with two clips on the end that allow you to circle a tree and clip it back on itself, as well as adjust how long your rope is. i could totally use a regular piece of paracord and just tie it around a tree but i have this so,,,,i use it (hmu if you find something like what i talked about online though)

mesh laundry bag

i bought one in the laundry section at target for something like $10

toiletries

toothbrush + toothpaste 

deodorant

chapstick

lotion

razor

soap and shampoo

liners/pads/tampons

even if you’re not supposed to be on your period that week, stuff happens and it’s better to be prepared (or share with someone in need)

2 bath towels

i found this to be plenty, as i dried them between uses and sometimes kept one in my bag when i went swimming though i never actually used it

3 washcloths

i took two but an extra would have been nice to have

daypack

28 liter daypack

i took my gregory 28 l daypack similar to this one and it had plenty of space for what i carried. i originally was going to take the backpack i use for school but was concerned that if it got wet, it would take forever to dry so i opted for my this bag instead 

scout handbook

though i didn’t use it that much, i always take it with me on scout trips and recommend taking it with you

sunscreen + bug spray

most camps don’t allow aerosol canisters so keep that in mind when buying/packing

playing cards + uno cards

good ways to pass free time. pack them in a ziploc bag so they don’t get wet!

notebook + 2 pens

i took a regular sized notebook but most people brought a much smaller notebook, which i would recommend. how much writing you do depends on the merit badge classes you take but you won’t need a full sized notebook that’s for sure. remember and extra pen or two as well

first aid kit

not only is this just a good thing to have in general (i have this one), if you’re getting your first aid merit badge, you will need to show this for one of the requirements

portable phone charger + cord

every camp and troop is different in regards to phones but my troop was pretty relaxed in regards to them so i took my anker powercore and it was more than enough for how little i used my phone

sunglasses

tissues

what i took and didn’t need/use

rain pants

while i would still recommend packing these, i didn’t use them as it didn’t rain that much and when it did i didn’t really care if my shorts and legs got wet

camp chair

i took my rei flexlite chair but ended up not using it as in camp we either sat at the provided picnic table or in our hammocks 

sleeping bag liner

as i took my regular sleeping bag and it didn’t get super cold at night, i didn’t need this

book

i took a book thinking i would read in my free time or before bed, but i ended up hanging out with my troop during free time and being too tired to read before bed

i hope this information will be useful to someone out there, even if you use it for something besides scout camp! let me know if you have any questions/comments/thoughts!

[prettyamanita]

Miss Alimjan has entered the building !!! Don’t be fooled by this amnesiac, fungus manipulator’s obsession adoration of Sailor Moon into thinking she’s harmless! Dottie knows that to build a new world, you have to destroy the old one -- so, catch her scheming for the Syndicate! 

Below the cut are some fun Dorothy (but, she gives you all permission to call her Dottie!) FAX™️ & hopefully they’ll lead to some wild plots! <3 

tw: drama, infertility mention, pregnancy mention

| CHOOSING THE SYNDICATE | 

🍄 Dottie believes that the League of Hero’s work is never-ending -- there will always be more purse snatchers to put behind bars, more corrupt politicians to expose, and new villains to throw behind bars. She feels that heroes don’t approve of the dirty, illegal things & the sacrificing of people it takes to accomplish a revolution. The Syndicate promises to create a new world, even if they must burn down the current world & rise from its ashes. She believes it’s the only way to stop this world’s cycle of suffering & if that makes her a villain, so be it.  

| POWERS: AN OVERVIEW | 

🍄 Dottie is capable of fungal manipulation, also known as mycokinesis !!! How does her power work? An average, healthy human being’s skin and digestive system carries anywhere between nine to twenty-three microscopic strains of fungus. Dottie’s body carries them well into the thousands, including those which are poisonous or have hallucinogenic properties. With training, she can generate, manipulate, and mutate any strain that lives on her. Fortunately, these microscopic fungus particles are unseen to the naked human eye! Should she come into contact with a species not already found on/in her body, she may still manipulate it or permanently add it to her repertoire through skin contact or ingestion.

| POWERS: APPLICATIONS | 

🍄 Her “signature move” is mutating a fungal strain to exaggerate its natural properties. For example: she can boost the power & concentration of a chemical in certain mushrooms that effect serotonin levels, release its spores into the air, and cause a room full of guards to knockout like sleeping beauties.

🍄 She can also manipulate the size & consistency of fungus to accomplish physical tasks. Expect her to make an escape across some giant mushrooms -- Alice in Wonderland style! -- from time to time!  

🍄 Passive infection and tracking is the most difficult application of her powers. She may contaminate one person with a microscopic, semi-dormant fungus and allow that person to spread the spores without her direct involvement. By allowing her first victim to do the spreading, she is free to concentrate on other tasks until she triggers the strain’s growth or boosts its properties. She can also track someone’s movement by triggering the strain and following a trail of mushrooms growing from whatever her target has made physical contact with, so long as the environment and humidity is enough for the fungus to survive. 

| POWERS: WEAKNESSES | 

🍄 Speaking of humidity, cold temperatures & lack of moisture make it very difficult for her to use her powers! Dottie even gets drowsy & irritable in the winter because the weather bothers her, too!hat’s

🍄 Dottie also needs to have knowledge about the fungus she generates for the best results, hence why you’ll always find a mycology book wedged inside her purse. One minute, she might claim the mushrooms spontaneously growing on your pillowcase are harmless puffballs. Before you know it, she’s shoving you into the emergency safety shower station and frantically pointing to a similar looking -- but very, very deadly! -- fungus illustrated in her field guide.

🍄 Dottie must also introduce new types of fungs to her body’s mycobiome through physical contact or ingestion. And being introduced to a new kind of poisonous mushroom can leave her feeling ill from anywhere between several days to a week!. 

*It should be noted that because Dottie’s body exists harmoniously with the fungal strains inhabiting it, she isn’t affected by the poison or hallucinogens of fungus she generates. If it’s her first time coming into contact with a strain or she’s in a weakened state, she will only have a minor reaction. This gives some mutants the very incorrect impression that she’s impervious to poison. While a death cap’s poison won’t hurt her, a flower derived poison or snake’s venom will!

BIOGRAPHY TIME !!!

tldr; Possibly gets mutant abilities through some sketchy tea her mom drank while pregnant with her. Sixteen years later, this naive girl gets conned out of her soul by a mutant with soul manipulation. Gets saved by Gilbert, but loses her memories & has to search for the pieces of her soul to get them back. Shenanigans ensue. Eight years pass. They become villains. More shenanigans. Endless Shenanigans!

| Before Losing Her Memories & Becoming “Dottie”: Life as Aylin Alimjan |

🍄 ORIGIN STORY: Before she was born, her mother struggled with infertility & the possibility that she could never conceive children. One day, a mysterious mutant offers a solution: tea soaked in the bark of a maidenhair tree and camellia petals. The mutant claimed that a pair of star-crossed lovers were buried under the tree she’d extracted the bark from. As for the flower petals, she claimed they were always found scattered at the site during the full moon no matter the season. (AKA: You can’t brew this DANK TEA at home!) Aylin’s mom wanted to know if there was a catch, but the mutant only asked to raise the child well.

🍄 ORIGIN STORY CONT: So her mom drank it ‘cause it seemed legit.

🍄 ORIGIN STORY END: There’s no concrete proof that the mutant really did anything !!! But, it was a very romantic story to tell Aylin as a toddler & being conceived through a shady mutant’s questionable reincarnation tea is DOPE.

🍄 BABY AYLIN DAYS: Aylin’s born after her mother experiences hallucinations, strange desires to eat mushrooms and rotting fruit, and a very stubborn case of athlete’s foot. Her father was a mutant himself & reassured his wife that maybe the baby would be a mutant as well. Either way, carrying Aylin for nine months was stressful as heck.  BUT WHEN SHE’S BORN SHE’S SUPER CUTE & GIGGLY & SOMETIMES SNEEZES MUSHROOM SPORES!!!

🍄 TODDLER / KID AYLIN DAYS: Her family moves from their neighborhood in Ürümqi, China to Crystalline when she’s still in diapers. She’d oftentimes eats weird mushrooms & people want to call poison control, but her parents just nervously insist that she’ll be fine after a glass of water. Since she’s a 90s baby, she grows up with all the magical girl shows airing on like….4Kids LMAO. Her youth is pretty wholesome! She’s the kid not being able to decide on a best friend & just making matching friendship bracelets for her whole class!!! HMU WITH SOME EMERALD LEARNING CENTER FRIENDS!

🍄 TEEN AYLIN DAYS: She’s ALWAYS “falling in love” with someone, okay. But her powers have a knack for spoiling ALL of her lip glosses and embarrassing her in front of her crushes. Her MOST EMBARRASSING power related mishap was on a field trip to a local natural history museum where she compulsively ate some bioluminescent mushrooms RIGHT IN FRONT OF HER CRUSH. She didn’t want to go back to school for the longest time & tried to pretend that poison control actually helped her. 😂😂😂

| Losing Her Memories: Life as Dorothy “Dottie” Alimjan | 

Around the age of sixteen, her powers REALLY begin to flare up & cause her some real heartache. There’s rumors floating that a mutant with the ability of wish manifestation had arrive in Crystalline & could give you whatever your heart desired for a fair price. Some students claim it’s all rumors, while others claim that wish manifestation isn’t real & people were getting scammed. Others who sought that mutant weren’t heard from again. SO WHAT DOES DOTTIE DO? SHE GOES LOOKING FOR HIM LMAO

🍄 The “wish manifestation mutant” turns out to be the revenge-seeking, estranged partner in crime of Gilbert Gladstone. The mutant’s real ability is soul manipulation & he’d been promising “wishes” in order to test his abilities without worrying about people fighting back.

🍄 ANYWAY DOTTIE finds this guy, who knows she’s incredibly gullible & believes his promise to grant her wishes. She asks that if it’s possible for two wishes, she wanted a prettier mutant ability AND that if her mom’s story about drinking shady reincarnation tea to conceive her is true, that the star-crossed lovers in the story behind where the tea came from will have their happy ending. LIKE, GIRL PROBABLY BABBLED FOR TWENTY MINUTES BEFORE THE GUY COULDN’T TAKE IT ANYMORE.

🍄 Like all the other gullible mutants wanting wishes, she gets her soul extracted & watches it turn into an oddly colored diamond. And like all the other gullible mutants, becomes this emotionless, blank slate of a person.

🍄 Gilbert arrives & “defeats” the soul manipulator mutant, which causes all those cool soul diamonds to EXPLODE! Their shards end up EVERYWHERE in Crystalline & probably beyond. Now there’s like, a warehouse full of young mutants ft. gilbert’s mom who are still mindless robots? But, a shard had gotten caught in Dottie’s hand which was enough for her to communicate & have a faint recollection of being called Miss Alimjan. Gilbert nicknames her Dorothy because she’s been wearing red shoes when they met & the nickname stuck!

🍄 Since Gilbert is looking for his mom’s little soul diamond shards & Dottie is looking for her own, they decide to stick together! Dottie’s collected enough to have been given back her full range of emotions & a few scattered memories, but there’s still plenty more for her to discover!

🍄 Dottie’s like a little sister figure to Gilbert, so she trusts his decisions (for the most part). She’s helped him with his grifting, thievery, and elaborate heists for the past eight years! It’s really because of him that she’s learned how to be a ~ villain! ~ LOOK SHE’S JUST A BABY CRIMINAL, BUT SHE’S PROUD TO BE HIS PARTNER IN CRIME!!!

AND THAT’S THE TEA !!!

[trash-the-tozier]

Lipstick (4/6)

Title: Lipstick

Length ~29.1k (6.5k for this part)

Summary: Richie and Eddie’s eyes meet across the street. And sure, it might have been romantic, if Eddie didn’t happen to be in a skirt with a wig and full face of makeup at the time, and Richie hadn’t jogged over to ask him to “please, could you pretend to be my girlfriend so my parents don’t think I’m gay?” Eddie knows that getting involved with a straight boy is a dumb thing to do, but on the other hand Richie is very, very cute, and he doesn’t really have anything else going on today. So he agrees.

Warnings: explicit language, kissing, boys wearing makeup and skirts and dresses (is that even a warning?), slight homophobia, one big ol sexual identity crisis

Pairings: Richie/Eddie and background Bill/Stan

A/N: I wasn’t sure if I should/how to put this in the warnings or not so I’ll put it here: Eddie’s background/relationship with his mother is relatively close to canon, and touched on/talked about in this chapter. The homophobia warning also particularly applies here. also posted to my ao3 here Previous Parts: 1 | 2 | 3 taglist: @belbys,  @reddiesteddiespaghetti, @alrightbluer, @trippy-alexissss, @strange-reddie-loser, @reddiemybabes, @justanothetfangirl, @lullaby-raven​, @geckolover001​, @wintersember​,  @wyattsnoodlehairr, @trashmouths-love-to-cuddle (hmu if you’d like to be added!)

After pondering his newfound Eddie Kaspbrak predicament for a solid thirty minutes and getting absolutely nowhere in terms of answers to his confusions and questions, Richie figured he would never be able to solve the conundrum. So he called the most reasonable person he knew.

“Hey Richie. What's up?”

“Hey Mike.” Just hearing Mike's voice gave Richie the feeling that everything would work out. They would discover why Richie nearly bit his lip in half watching Eddie do something as simple as drink water, and maybe solve world peace along the way. Mike was amazing. “I've got a problem, can you help me out?”

Richie expected a happy, reassuring response. Instead, Mike was quiet for a moment. When he spoke, he sounded partly amused and slightly exasperated.

“You too?” He asked.

“What do you mean, me too?”

“Bill did this exact same thing to me yesterday.” Mike said, sounding a little more on the amused side now. “Pray tell, is this a relationship problem?”

“I, no, well…” It was a bit embarrassing, hearing it put that way. “Yeah, kinda.”

“Dude, it's a yes or no question. What did you even just say?”

“It's complicated! That's why I called you.”

“Alright Rich. Elaborate.”

Richie did, telling the tale of Richie Tozier and Eddie Kaspbrak from the moment Mike had last seen him. When he was done, there was a long moment of silence from Mike.

“Mikey? You didn't fall asleep on me, did you?”

“...no.” Mike finally said. “Thinking. So… You like him then?”

“I… Wait, what? How did you get to that conclusion?”

“...seriously?”

“Mike, we’ve been over this; I’m a dumbass, remember?”

Mike laughed a little. “He makes you nervous, you like it when you make him laugh, you love spending time with him, and all the staring… Sounds like a crush to me.”

“Are you sure you’re not reading too much into this?”

That earned Richie a second contemplative silence.

“Well, maybe. Maybe you have a crush on the girl side of him, whatever that’s about? We kind of already had this conversation, and I know things have changed since then, but--”

“I don't really see him as a girl anymore, though.” Richie interrupted. “Even when he has a skirt on.”

“So you do like him.”

“...I don’t know.”

“Have you ever thought about kissing him?”

“I…” He was now. God, he was thinking about it now, about how pink Eddie’s lips were and how soft they always looked. He had the overwhelming urge to splash his face with cold water, reminding himself that he was on the phone, and couldn’t do that. “Fuck, Mike. I mean, I’ve kissed him on the cheek--and he’s kissed me on the cheek--but that’s…”

“That’s what?”

“I don’t know!” Richie’s stomach twisted up, a feeling in his chest making him want to squirm. “I…”

“What’s the hang up about?” Mike asked. “There’s something you don’t want to tell me. What is it?”

“I just… I can’t like Eddie--you know like like him--because… Because it’s…”

“Spit it out, Richie.”

“He's a guy!” Richie finally exclaimed. “And I'm not--I thought--I’ve just never--and I’m… I don't know.” Richie swallowed, his throat now very dry, all of his words crashing together. It had been easy with Eddie there, smiling at him and calling him an idiot, but now it was just him and his thoughts. Thinking was notorious for messing him up, and now he could feel it happening in real time. What was he? Nervous, definitely. Scared. He was a college student, he wasn't a kid anymore; shouldn't he have this figured out by now? “I don't know.”

“Okay.” Mike’s voice was slow and quiet, a polar opposite of Richie’s own. “You don’t have to know everything right now. But let’s focus on what we do know, alright?”

Richie noticed in Mike’s question that his problem had turned into “we”; had turned into their problem.

“Okay. Like what?”

“We think he’s cute, right?”

“I… Yeah. Very. Always has been.”

“Are you worried that maybe you're not really into him? That you just kinda think he's nice to look at, but there's nothing sexual there?”

“Fuck, maybe?” Richie hadn’t even considered that. When he replayed the question in his mind though, he shook his head. “No, I don’t think so. I wanted to lick his neck today, and I know that’s not very platonic.”

“Oh--wait, you what?!”

Richie winced. “Did I not mention that? He was all sweaty, and I was kinda… Staring.”

A long moment of silence. Mike sighed.

“Richie, I think you like him. Like… For real.”

“...yeah.” Richie said, after rolling the sentence over in his head. The prospect still made him nervous, but it sounded right. It felt right. “I think so too.”

“Alright. Listen, Richie. I'm going to tell you the same thing I told Bill, and it's cheesy and stupid and you're going to take it to heart. Are you listening?”

“You've got me a little spooked here, Mikey.”

“Good. People are just people, regardless of how they look, or act, or make you feel. Eddie might be a guy, but if he makes you happy, then that’s that. I think you should go for it. Finding happiness is what life is all about, so say something to him, especially if you think you make him happy too. Things might just work out.”

“You're right, dude. That is cheesy.”

“It's true.” Mike pointed out, and Richie couldn’t argue with him. “Don’t even think too hard about labels, if you don’t want to. That can mess things up. You can just like him, without any of the rest of that stuff.”

“I…” Richie considered that for a moment. Thinking about it, thinking about himself as ‘gay’ made something akin to discomfort race through his stomach, but when he applied the term ‘boyfriend’ to Eddie, he found he rather liked that. So he thought about Eddie, just Eddie, and how Eddie made him feel. “...okay. I think I can do that.”

“Go get ‘em, tiger.” There was a grin in Mike’s voice. “And don't lick him without asking.”

“Aye aye, captain.”

They exchanged goodbyes and Mike hung up, Richie left in silence. He stopped his pacing and fell onto his bed, staring at the ceiling. Eddie. He liked Eddie. He had a big gay crush on Eddie Kaspbrak. He tried to picture it, the image coming to him startlingly easily; himself and Eddie, simply out and about, walking down the street holding hands. Something in his stomach swooped, the sensation not entirely unpleasant. Maybe they could get milkshakes, drive somewhere quiet, and lay out on the hood of his car, looking at the stars or something. Maybe kissing a little.

Okay, definitely kissing. And more than a little.

Richie’s cell phone buzzed against his chest, bringing him from his daydreaming. It was a text from Eddie, and he quickly opened it.

From: Eds Spagheds Okay, talked to your mom. I’ve got the game plan for tomorrow.

Richie’s thumb hovered over his screen, contemplating a response. Then he decided he would much rather talk to Eddie, sending him a request for a video call.

As soon as he saw himself in his phone screen, waiting for Eddie to pick up, he let out a loud curse. He looked horrible, unshowered and messy. He dragged his hand through his hair, struggling into a sitting position, but before he could do anything more, Eddie picked up.

Eddie’s hair was wet, his face bare, his naked body from the middle of his torso up filling Richie’s phone screen. Richie bit the inside of his cheek so hard he tasted blood. They stared at each other for a few moments before a blush flooded Eddie’s face, and Richie’s cheeks burned.

“I just got out of the shower!” Eddie protested, as though that wasn't obvious. He angled the camera up, so nothing but his face was visible. “Why the hell are you calling me?”

“How was I supposed to know?” Richie asked back, feeling as flustered and indignant as Eddie sounded. “Why did you answer if you were naked?”

“I don’t know! Shut up.” Eddie frowned at him, his face still red. “...I'm not completely naked.”

“Not completely. Right.” Great. Richie gathered his wits about him, trying to salvage the situation. “Gonna put on a show for me, Eds?”

Eddie’s face burned even darker. “Don’t fucking call me that.” He said vehemently. “Do you want the details or not?”

“Okay, sure.”

Eddie’s arm relaxed slightly, more of his shoulders becoming visible, Richie’s eyes catching on the muscle definition in them. Richie swallowed, his mouth incredibly dry, as Eddie grabbed a towel from somewhere offscreen and rubbed it against the side of his head.

“Your parents want us to be there by five, so dinner can start. I always forget that old people eat dinner in the middle of the day. They want us to bring--”

“I’m sorry.” Richie interrupted. “I’m so distracted, I have to ask--are you wearing pants?”

“Yes!” Eddie exclaimed, the blush back on his face.

“Are you sure?”

Eddie rolled his eyes, and the next thing Richie knew the camera was being flipped, and he was met with the sight of Eddie in his bathroom, standing in front of the mirror. He did have pants on, Richie recognizing the rainbow printed pajama pants from the morning he'd picked Eddie up for his mom's birthday party. But the pajama pants were the only thing he was wearing, and they were low, showing off his hip bones and as much of his lean chest and stomach as possible. Richie wolf-whistled; Eddie told him to fuck off.

“Your parents want us to bring a fruit salad.” Eddie walked to his bedroom, flipping his camera as he went, and Richie got a nice close up of Eddie's navel before he brought the camera back up to his face.

“I can do that.” Richie said with a dismissive wave of his hand. “No problem. What time should I pick you up?”

Eddie thought for a moment. “Four would be fine.” He said.

“Sounds good. See you then.”

Eddie looked to be moving to end the call, Richie stopping him.

“Hold on. Pose for me, Eds.”

“...excuse me?”

“I want to take a screenshot!”

“Why?”

“Because I want to. You know, commemorating the occasion.”

Eddie gave him a thoroughly unamused look. “What occasion? This is stupid.”

“C’mon, Spaghetti. For me?”

His face unchanging, Eddie simply held up his middle finger in Richie's direction. Laughing, Richie took the screenshot, the shutter sound loud.

“Anything else you want from me?”

“Oh, everything, dah-ling.”

“Shut up.” Eddie lips quirked into an almost-smile at the terrible French accent Richie put on. “Goodnight, Richie.”

“Night!”

Richie sat there for a few moments, feeling a stupid smile on his face. He went to the camera roll on his phone to look at the screenshot he took. Eddie looked less deadpan than he had seemed in the moment, his eyes a bit softer, the corners of his lips turned upwards. Richie's eyes then caught on the tiny image of himself in the corner, zooming in with slight incredulity. He was wearing the dumbest, most lovestruck grin he had ever seen.

“Richie, I think you like him. Like… For real.”

Richie flopped onto his back again, still smiling to himself. As far as sexual identity crises went, he figured he was handling this pretty well.

When Richie picked Eddie up the next day, he looked adorable. His black overall skirt matched the large black bow in his hair, the accessory sitting at the top of a high ponytail. His pastel purple shirt was a long sleeved turtleneck, and while Richie didn't usually like turtlenecks, it looked good on him. He slid into the passenger seat of Richie's car, pushing his bangs from his eyes.

“You look cute.” Richie told him, and Eddie spared him a quick look as he buckled his seatbelt. The makeup on his face was rather simple and subtle.

“Thanks. This is one of my least favorite outfits, though.”

“Why?”

“I had to shave my legs for this.”

Sure enough, the skirt cut off just above the knee, Eddie's legs bare and smooth. Richie resisted the urge to touch them, remembering all at once that he liked Eddie, and fuck, he liked Eddie, and now he was nervous. He put the car into drive, swallowing.

“Well, I think you look nice.”

Richie simply saw Eddie nod out of the corner of his eye. They were quiet for a little while but Richie wanted to talk, finally deciding to ask a stupid question.

“What does wearing a skirt feel like?”

That made Eddie smile. “How about you try one on later tonight? I have a couple you could choose from.”

“No thank you. I'm not that curious.”

“Come on, it would totally complete the look.”

“You only said makeup.” Richie pointed out. “All I'm contractually obligated to put up with is makeup.”

“Fine.” Eddie said, rolling his eyes and laughing. “If your fragile masculinity can't take it, I understand.”

“Hey now. I could argue right back at you that you didn’t need to shave your legs at all. It’s 2018; girls can do whatever they want with their body hair.”

Eddie gave him a look for a couple of moments, raising his eyebrows. He seemed to recognize that Richie was saying his own words back at him, words he’d used when they first met, and after a second or so he shrugged.

“Okay, sure, but I’m meeting your grandmother.” He said, and Richie couldn’t help but feel he had a point. His grandmother definitely wouldn’t take well to a girl with leg hair, and a good first impression would be the most painless way to survive the evening.

“I need to warn you about my grandmother.” He said, Eddie turning to him in concern. “She’s my dad’s mom, and the only grandparent of mine that’s still alive. She got some kinda something--disease, I dunno--a couple years back, and my grandfather talked about he was excited to outlive her. But he didn’t, and now I think she’s alive purely out of spite.”

“Wow.”

“Yeah. She's one of those really conservative oldies.”

“What do you mean?”

“Like...” Richie sighed, trying to find a way to phrase it that didn’t sound too bad. “She kinda doesn’t trust Mexican people, probably supported Prop 8, you know. That sort of stuff.”

“Oh.”

“Yeah.” Richie spared a glance over; Eddie was frowning. “She’s not my favorite person. She and Beverly got into a bit of a screaming match a couple years ago, and Bev isn’t allowed at family functions anymore. But don’t worry; we’ll get out of there as soon as we can, alright?”

“I’ll be okay.” Eddie said quickly. “Besides, if she gets a too bigoted for me I’ll just rip my wig off or something and run away.”

Richie had to laugh at that mental image. “That might finish her off. You’d give her a heart attack.”

“You think?” Eddie laughed too. “I was worried about your parents, when I first met them; that was my getaway plan.”

“Seriously? Now I kinda wish you’d done that, just so I could see it.”

“It might still happen.”

His parents and grandmother were all sitting in the living room when they arrived. Richie proudly held out the bowl of fruit salad he'd picked up to his father, who brought it into the kitchen while his mom got up and hugged the both of them. She hugged Eddie first, despite Richie being closer to her, Eddie exchanging a look with him over his mother's shoulder.

“Hey, Grandma.” Richie said, once the hugs were over. She was still sitting on the couch. “How are you?”

“Still alive, which is more than Clyde can say.” She responded. “Come give your grandmother a hug.”

Richie did, Eddie trailing awkwardly behind him.

“And who is this?” She asked, gesturing to Eddie when the hug was finished, though Richie could tell by her voice that she was well aware it was his supposed girlfriend. Richie put his hand on Eddie's shoulder.

“Grandma, meet Ed--”

“Emma.” Eddie interrupted quickly, stepping on Richie's foot to cut him off, Richie realizing he'd very nearly said the wrong name. “Emma Kaspbrak. It's wonderful to meet you.”

Grandma gave her a critical once over. “You have a deep voice, for a girl.” She remarked.

“Grandma, that's--”

“I've heard that before.” Eddie responded easily, interrupting Richie again. “It's my voice, though.”

“I like your hair.” Grandma continued. “It's very long.”

“Thank you. I've had short hair too, but I think longer hair suits this look better.”

If Richie didn't find this whole situation so nerve-wracking, he would have been amused by how much Eddie could say without actually lying.

“Well, good thing it's long, or we'd all think you were a lesbian!” The old lady laughed, Richie hearing his father give a hearty chuckle as he walked back in from the kitchen. Eddie didn't even pretend to smile. He opened his mouth as though to say something before seemingly thinking better of it, wetting his lips instead with his tongue and closing them.

“But we all know you're not a dyke, because you're dating this boy here!” Grandma Tozier continued, Richie quite surprised when his grandmother hit his stomach in what might have been a love tap. It felt a little too hard, but maybe that was just her bony knuckles. “I mean, he isn't exactly a hunky dreamboat, but he's man enough, I suppose.”

“You got me there. I don't like girls.” Eddie responded, his voice so dry that Richie properly choked on his tongue. He had to cough a couple of times and Eddie grabbed his arm quickly, guiding him into the kitchen under the guise of getting him some water.

“Okay.” Was all he said, when they found themselves alone. “She's… I get it now.”

“Yeah.” Richie grabbed himself and Eddie both glasses, filling one with water and handing it over to Eddie before getting one for himself. “She's being pretty nice right now, too. You sure this is going to be okay?”

“Yeah. It'll be fine.” Eddie took a drink, something about his expression having Richie doubting the sincerity of his words. But then his parents ushered them into the dining room, and dinner began.

It was pretty standard, as far as spending time with Grandma usually went. She complained about her Jewish neighbors and asked about some extended family members, which led to talk about the birthday party she had missed last week. Richie was hoping he had dodged a bullet, that she wouldn't be asking any of the standard questions she always pestered him with, about his grades or his eating habits or his love life. The meal was all but finished when she turned her eyes on him, magnified a hundred times behind her glasses.

“I am so glad you found this lovely girl.” She said, and he gave her a smile.

“Me too, Grandma.”

“I was so worried.” She went on. “You never had a girlfriend, never had a girlfriend… I was worried you turned out to be a fruitcake. I kept telling Wentworth--get that boy on a sports team! That'll fix him! But I guess all that fretting was for nothing.”

“Fix me?” Richie echoed slowly. Was he broken? Something sick was rising in his chest. “And what would you have to say if I were gay, Grandma?”

“Richie!” His mother exclaimed, as though he'd just used an expletive in church. Richie didn't look at her, holding the old woman’s eye. She looked back almost defiantly.

“It isn't an issue, is it?”

“What if it was?”

“Richie.” Eddie's voice this time, closing a warm hand around the fist he hadn't realized he was clenching. He glanced over, and Eddie gave the smallest shake of his head.

“Yes Richard, I suggest you listen to your girlfriend.” His father looked a mixture of concerned and angry, but hell, Richie was angry too.

“Why don't you and Emma cut up the lemon cake in the kitchen?” His mother asked, her voice forcefully pleasant. “It's about time for dessert.”

Eddie nodded quickly, pulling Richie to his feet and out of the dining room.

“It's okay.” He said quickly, as soon as they were out of earshot. “You don't need to… To defend me, or whatever, especially not at family dinner. It's fine.”

“It's not fine.”

“Richie, your grandmother isn't punching me in the face, so she's nothing compared to all of the bullies I had in high school. I'm fine.” Eddie was still holding onto his hand, Richie easing his fingers from the fist and entwining them with Eddie's instead. In truth, he hadn't been trying to defend Eddie, like Eddie thought he was. His grandmother's bigotry was pouring salt into the open wound that was his newfound confusion and fear. But he needed to reign himself in; he knew that. “I really appreciate it and everything, I do, but let's just eat some cake so we can get out of here.”

“Eddie, I'm--”

“We'll leave, and I'll put some makeup on your face. It'll be fun. For me, at least.”

Eddie was smiling at him. Richie felt the angry knot in his chest tighten just a bit more before loosening completely. God, Eddie made him happy. It was stupid, Richie thought, how quickly and easily this had happened.

“Yeah, okay.”

They were serving up cake slices when his grandmother spoke up again.

“Your fingernails look a bit brittle.” She said to Eddie, slightly waspishly, obviously still miffed from the near-confrontation.

“Do they?” Eddie asked, his voice pleasant.

“You know what causes that? Iron deficiency. Do you take any vitamins?”

“No.” Eddie was suddenly still. “I don’t take anything.”

“Well, you should. They’ll help you, sweetie. And straighten your back; if you don’t keep up good posture you’ll be a hunchback when you’re older.”

“You’re fine.” Richie told him quickly, hating the odd, far away, somehow scared look that was suddenly on Eddie’s face. “Your fingernails and posture are both fine.”

Grandma sent him a wry look.

“I’m just trying to help. You understand that I’m just trying to help you, don’t you sweetie?”

Eddie didn’t respond for a full five seconds. When he finally moved, he put the rest of the plates down on the table rather clumsily, almost as though he’d dropped them, excusing himself to the bathroom. Richie frowned, shrugging at the questioning looks from his parents, wondering if he should go after him. A couple minutes later, his phone buzzed. He pulled it from his pocket, surprised to see a text from Eddie.

From: Eds Spagheds I need to go home.

Richie decided not to waste time asking more questions. He got to his feet, spreading his arms wide to the table to garner everyone’s attention.

“Not that this hasn’t been lovely, but Emma and I need to go now. The, uh… The fish isn’t agreeing with her.” Richie realized a second after he’d spoken that they’d had chicken for dinner, but didn’t allow time for a comment on his mistake, going into the depths of the house to find Eddie. He knocked on the closed bathroom door.

“Hey, it’s me. Let’s go.”

Eddie looked okay, his makeup immaculate, but Richie noticed on closer inspection that his eyes seemed slightly red. He almost reached for Eddie’s hand, but saw that Eddie had his hands clasped tightly together and decided against it. He called a farewell to his parents, not speaking again until they were well down the road.

“You know, your nails really do look fine.”

Eddie swallowed. “Yeah.”

“Your posture is fine too.”

“Yeah.”

“...are you okay?”

“Yeah.”

They hit a red light. Richie looked over. Eddie’s eyes were downcast.

“Do you want to tell me what’s wrong, or do you just want me to shut up?” He decided to ask. Eddie’s eyes fell closed.

“Um… Just shut up, for a little while.”

Nodding, Richie simply turned on the radio, fixing his eyes on the road ahead.

It wasn’t until Eddie was in his room that he felt he could breathe again. He was surprised that Richie had made it all the way home silently, but he was grateful; he’d needed to get calm, to compartmentalize and repress and just fucking push everything down until it was time for Richie to leave, and he could freak out all alone. But he realized that he still had Richie’s makeup to do, and hoped that it would help; makeup was what usually helped him when he had moments like this.

Richie was still quiet, even when he got up on Eddie’s bed, sitting cross-legged and leaning forwards obediently, closing his eyes and offering his face in Eddie’s direction.

“You, um…” Eddie took Richie’s glasses off his face again, taking him in for a moment. Richie cracked one eye open, and Eddie felt that he’d been caught staring, continuing quickly. “You can talk, or whatever. It’s fine.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yeah.”

“Okay.” Richie ran a hand through his hair, pulling it out of his face, and Eddie realized in that moment that Richie was sitting on his bed. They were both sitting on his bed, less than a foot away from each other. “Am I allowed to ask what Grandma said that got you all fucked up? Because I didn’t really notice anything, but…”

When Eddie didn’t answer, he seemed think that Eddie wanted the subject dropped, and didn’t press the question. Eddie suddenly felt bad; Richie had removed him from his parents’ house without question, without hesitation. And talking about it might help, right?

“I started doing makeup because of my mom.” He began, pulling out his foundation and putting some on Richie’s face.

“The monster woman?” Richie asked. Eddie wasn’t sure where the ‘monster’ had come from, but it felt pretty applicable. He smiled a little, nodding.

“Yep. She fucking stresses me out like no one else even could. So commandeering, and anxious all the time; my dad died of cancer when I was five, and after that happened--not that I can remember it very well, this is all stuff my doctor told me--she started seeing illness everywhere. She thought we were all going to get infected, die, or something… I don’t know, really.”

Richie was frowning at him, obviously confused, but didn’t interrupt.

“And… She didn’t really take care of herself well, but instead of being paranoid about her own wellbeing, she always thought something was wrong with me.”

Eddie swallowed hard. He’d never told anyone about this, he realized. He’d never even talked about it out loud.

“But was there?” Richie asked. “I mean, you said you had asthma.”

“Yeah, no. I didn’t have asthma. I had an inhaler, and a doctor’s note excusing me from P.E., but I didn’t have anything.”

“Your doctor lied to your mom?”

“Not…” Eddie noticed his hands were shaking, and put his brushes down. “Not exactly. My mom asked him to tell me that. To get me a fake inhaler, and tell me the dangers of what could happen if I exerted myself. She was trying to trap me, to keep me from doing anything that might cause me to get hurt. She was terrified of me getting sick. I fucking skinned my knee once while we were in town and she thought I was going to get AIDS.”

“I…” Richie's frown had turned from confusion to concern. “That's fucking insane.”

“I know. You can imagine her reaction when I tried coming out to her.”

“I’m guessing it didn’t go well?” Richie’s voice was light, but the casual tone sounded slightly forced. Eddie appreciated the effort, though.

“It happened a couple years after I found out about all the fake medications and fake asthma and stuff--because I did find out, my doctor felt guilty about the whole thing and came clean, showed me that they were all placebos and everything. I yelled at her then, but I was still more afraid of her than anything else in the world. I spent a lot of that summer away from her. With Bill mostly, at his house and stuff.” Eddie had also had a giant crush on Bill at the time, but decided not to mention it. “Our relationship was already pretty fucked up, but coming out just put the nail in the coffin. She thought I was just confused. That I was sick, or maybe in a phase she was convinced I'd grow out of, even though I'd known since I was eleven. She… She said a lot of things. We had another fight, and I haven’t really seen her since I moved out to come here.”

“I’m sorry, Eds.” Richie finally said. He reached over and put his hand on Eddie's knee, large and warm and comforting, and Eddie felt a rush of affection and gratitude towards him. “That really fucking sucks.”

“Yeah.” A laugh pulled itself from his throat. “I mean, I’m better off, and I know it, but she’s still my mom, you know?”

His voice sounded a bit broken at the end of the question, Eddie remembering then why he'd never confided in anyone about this before; just saying those words made him feel needy and weak. Weak--weak, fragile, delicate--was the last thing he wanted to feel, ever. He wiped his hands on his skirt, his palms slightly sweaty, and resumed his work on Richie’s face.

“She came to visit me once. I was completely in drag, which was a lucky accident. Wig, dress, everything. And she didn’t recognize me when I opened the door. She didn’t even recognize me when I started talking to her, and… I just exploded. Makeup was always a way to get away from all the fucked up shit going on, and that time I felt like I’d just been completely transformed into another person, someone that wasn’t under her control, that had never been. And I yelled at her. I just… I ripped into her. I said some things I didn’t mean, and some things that I should have said a long time ago. But I don’t regret any of it.”

That wasn't entirely true. Eddie would wake up from bad dreams, his hands scrambling around his bedside table for his inhaler, and in that final moment before remembering that he didn't need it anymore, that he hadn't used it in seven years--in that moment, split seconds before he realized he could breathe, he regretted just about everything.

“So… So when my grandma wanted you to take vitamins…?” Richie trailed off hesitantly, meeting Eddie's eyes.

“It wasn't really that.” Eddie said, rubbing at his eyes. “I mean, it was, but… It was more her defense. My mother always said she was trying to help me. Just trying to help.” For a long time, Eddie had believed her. Richie's grandmother calling him 'sweetie’ had just cemented the situation into a panicked mess. “Sorry for… For making a scene.”

“Dude, no.” Richie drew back sharply, fixing Eddie with a stern look. “If anyone should apologize, it's me.”

“No, you already warned me about your grandmother, I just--”

“Not that.” Richie waved a hand. “I'm sorry, because if I ever meet your mother in person I might just deck her in the face.”

In spite of himself, in spite of everything, Eddie laughed. Once he started, it was hard to stop. He wasn't even really laughing about what Richie said; he simply felt better.

“You okay, Spaghetti Man?” Richie looked mostly amused, but slightly worried as well, reaching forwards and touching his cheek hesitantly. Eddie nodded a bit, trying to refocus on his makeup brushes.

“I've just never told anyone about that before.” He confessed. “My friends already knew--knew most of it, at least. I've never had to say it out loud.”

“Well, I'm glad it makes you laugh.”

It wasn't amused laughter but Eddie didn't want to mention that, instead refocusing on giving Richie his makeover. He let himself get carried away with shapes and colors, and while Richie was still twitchy, he rather liked how it all turned out. His eyelids were yellow, pink, blue, and silver, his lips a deep, purple sort of red. Richie let out a laugh as he looked at his reflection.

“I mean, it looks great.” He said. “But… What would someone wear with a face like this?”

“A face like what? Like yours?” Eddie asked back, Richie lowering the mirror at the question. “You can wear anything, honestly.”

“I'm flattered.”

“No, seriously. You'll wear anything. Your fashion sense is atrocious.”

“Hey!” Richie exclaimed. “And here I thought you were actually complimenting me.”

“Never.” Eddie felt a small smile tug at his lips, getting to his feet and walking to his closet. He knew what Richie was actually asking, and began pulling out things that matched with the makeup’s color scheme. “Probably something simple, right? Here.”

He handed over a skirt, a simple black pleated one that he knew would be a little too short on Richie's long legs. Richie stared at the piece of fabric for a moment.

“C’mon, you asked.” Eddie pointed out, and Richie sighed.

“Fine. Just for you.” He said, poking Eddie in the cheek before taking the skirt from his hands, and Eddie realized that he hadn’t really smiled the whole time he’d done Richie’s makeup, even when Richie had tried cracking a few jokes. Richie was trying to make him smile. That notion sent his heart thrumming in his chest, and he tried his best to ignore it, biting his lip as he searched through his collection of heels.

“Holy shit.” Richie said, Eddie turning around to look. The skirt was barely mid-thigh length, his pale thighs and knobby knees on display for the world to see. He had his hands resting anxiously over his crotch. “How to you not flash the entire world when you wear this?”

“Well, it’s not so short on me.” Eddie answered with a cheeky grin, Richie’s mouth falling open in protest when he realized that Eddie had put him in the tiny skirt on purpose.

“You little shit.” He said, and Eddie began to laugh. “Don’t laugh at me! I look great in this. My waist is even smaller than yours.” He hooked his thumb around the waistband of the skirt and pulled, to show off how much extra room he had. “I could be one of those super skinny runway models.”

“To be a runway model, you’ve got to be able to walk in heels.” Eddie countered, pulling out his highest pair. They really weren’t more than a couple of inches, but Richie eyed them warily. Eddie put the shoes down next to his feet.

“If I break my ankles, will you drive me to the hospital?” He asked, Eddie laughing.

“You aren’t going to break your ankles.” He insisted, and Richie pulled the shoes on. At least, he tried.

“Your feet are smaller than mine!” He said, and sure enough, the heels of his feet were sticking out, making him balance on the balls of his feet as he stood up. He tottered over to the mirror on Eddie’s bedroom door, Eddie following after him cautiously.

“Look at us!” Richie exclaimed, throwing an arm around Eddie’s shoulders. He was even ridiculously taller in those shoes. “Two girls, out on the town.”

“Please never go in town looking like this.” Eddie said, Richie laughing. He hobbled back to the bed to sit down, looking very much like a baby giraffe.

“Stop laughing at me.” He complained.

“I wasn’t!”

“You were thinking it, though.” Richie said, turning around to point accusingly at Eddie. The change in direction caught him off balance, teetering dangerously, Eddie rushing forwards and grabbing his arms in an attempt to catch him. But Richie had already resigned himself to falling, landing on his back on Eddie’s bed, letting out a small noise of surprise when Eddie landed on top of him.

“Are you okay?” Eddie asked after a moment, at a loss for anything else to say.

“I'm in bed with my girlfriend. Of course I'm okay.” Richie said, and while his tone was light, Eddie noticed that Richie's eyes were on his lips, and suddenly his mouth was too dry for a retort. He watched as Richie trailed a slow gaze over his face, their eyes finally meeting. Eddie knew he should say something, should do something to break this tension, their faces entirely too close, but he couldn't find his tongue.

“I really want to kiss you right now.” Richie said.

Oh.

Eddie knew he should say no. He should get up, and tell Richie to go home. He knew that Richie was only saying this because he still had his makeup on, only saying this because he was in a skirt and a long haired wig. Richie liked girls; he'd said so himself. He'd called Eddie his girlfriend just seconds before. Richie didn't like him, and Eddie needed to get himself out of this situation before he messed everything up.

But god, Eddie liked Richie.

“Do it, then.” He answered, and a moment later Richie pressed his lips to Eddie's, closing the space between them.

His lips were gentle, careful and unsure, Eddie finding himself the one pushing even closer, his breath stopping in his chest as Richie kissed him back, the pressure of the touch making his heart pound in his chest. Then Richie pulled back slightly and stilled, their breath mingling between them, warm and shallow. Richie's eyes were still closed when Eddie opened his.

"Richie, I..."

At his voice, Richie opened his eyes. Eddie trailed off, unsure of what he wanted to say, waiting for the fear, the confusion, the disgust to twist Richie's expression. Instead, Richie stared at him with a look Eddie couldn't read, searching his face as though finding an answer instead of asking a question. Then he leaned in, and kissed Eddie again.

There was no uncertainty this time, no hesitance; Richie’s kisses were strong and steady, like he needed this, needed him, and Eddie's head was spinning. He'd never been kissed like this before. He'd never felt like this while being kissed, so wanting and weak-kneed and good. He brought his hands up to cup Richie's face, the realization making his chest ache. This had to end before it could get any further.

"You're only doing this because I'm dressed up." He murmured against Richie's lips. He needed to hear Richie agree, so he could feel the pain he needed to back away from all of this. Because he'd known this was the truth from the beginning, known that Richie was straight, but he'd had to get attached; he had to get his heart broken for it to sink in.

"Try me." Richie responded softly, reaching up as though to pull his wig off. The action made the threat of rejection so sudden and so real that Eddie stopped him, swallowing hard. He wasn't ready to be hurt this badly.

"Just... Hold on." Was all he could say to Richie's questioning glance, lowering his hand--god, Richie's lipstick was such a mess--entwining their fingers instead and giving them a squeeze. He just wanted to remain in this moment a little longer.

[good-night-space-kid]

Some self care tips

When I did an interview with the psychologist at school she said that one of the best things people who like music can do is create playlists. Create one for each mood if you want. Her big point was that creating playlists to help you with breakdowns or anxiety attacks are incredibly important. She recommends making a 5-10 song playlist of sad songs that you can let yourself cry to or just let everything out with. Then, as soon as thst one is over, play a new one about the same length of songs that help you feel better.

Make yourself hot chocolate or tea, or ice water. Something with a temperature contrast from yourself. It helps more than you think. I have a hot chocolate mix that I make myself that has very little sugar in it but still tastes good. Link here.

Take a break once and a while. Paint, build something, read, listen to music, let yourself do something you want to for once.

Journal or create a sideblog (I highly recommend that because then you can reblog stuff to it) just for your thoughts/negative thoughts.

Make a routine or schedule.

Set a timer while you work for about 20-30 minutes and give yourself 5-10 minutes in between. You'll be surprised how much better you can work.

Listen to CDs instead of an app or website. If you don’t own any, the library usually has some to check out. I recommend classical music (hmu if you want some recs), but I also listen to whatever.

Try to sleep at a decent time. Set an alarm on your phone or laptop, whichever us more convenient. When that goes off, put everything down and close your eyes. (I've heard blinking as fast as you can for a minute helps you sleep but I haven't tried it)

(largely for self harm) Draw on your skin with something soft. there isn’t a perfect remedy for everyone, so i can’t guarantee that this will help. There are many posts specific to this so i recommend finding something that works best for you.

If you like to write, do that when things aren’t great. Personally I go for badly written poetry and i never go through it to edit or check it once i’m done. That part and whether you save it is up to you.

Eat some good foods. I know that (if you don’t sleep much especially) you crave sugars, breads, and salts, but i recommend going for a sweet fruit such as a peach, pear, apple, plum, etc. and some ice water instead. It honestly helps a lot.

Keep eating and drinking no matter how bad you feel. This is so important for both mental and physical health. Even if it’s just something small, eat something. I recommend some carrots and peanut butter, but it’s all up to personal preference.

Take care of your skin. Wash your face, shower (not too hot or too cold), take a bath, and moisturize. If you have dry skin like me, find a lotion and chapstick that works best. I use sensitive skin lotion usually because it doesn’t smell as much and works better on my skin, but everyone is different. Find something that smells nice. I highly recommend Burt’s Bees chapstick because it works very well and doesn’t leave your lips all sticky. They also have a lot of great scents and it leaves your lips nice and soft. Winter/fall can be especially hard on skin so it’s important to moisturize or your skin can crack and it’s not good.

Get a plant. I prefer succulents because they’re very low maintenance and they look nice. Hen and chicks are perfect for almost anywhere because they are very hardy. We have a couple plants outside, and they live through our Iowa winters where temperatures get well below zero and there’s snow. They can withstand a long time without water (they turn a nice red color when they don’t get enough water or get really cold, but it doesn’t harm them) and you can do almost anything with them. Name them. My hen and chicks plant is named Alex and I have a “key lime pie” succulent named Eddie.

Open a window or at least your blinds while you work. The natural light can be very nice.

Brush your teeth every morning. I know it seems fairly obvious, but it can take a lot of energy. If you have braces or retainers, make sure they get totally clean as well. You can soak retainers in vinegar for about half an hour or more, and soak them in water for about the same time. They might still have some lingering taste, but it cleans them much better than toothpaste. Don’t put them in mouthwash or they will take on a tint depending on the color. On top of that, keep wearing your retainers. You’ll thank yourself later on.

After a breakdown/cry, take a couple minutes to just breathe. Hold a cold damp cloth to your face to reduce redness. Breathing helps to regulate your blood flow and will give you a much more natural look. Also helps with eye redness, but i recommend holding a cloth there to make sure.

Wear soft clothes. Get one of those really fluffy jackets that you’ve always wanted. Wear oversized sweatshirts. Be comfortable.

Keep your nails (especially your toenails) properly trimmed. You don’t want to get an ingrown nail. Once you’ve cut them, file them off so they’re round on the edges. They won’t catch and tear as much.

Get a salt lamp. I know it’s stereotypical, but they provide a fairly substantial, but still dim glow. It creates a nice ambiance. Good for if you can’t sleep without a light on at night because they don’t get hot and you can see by them without being blinded.

Do your homework as soon as you get home. I know it sucks, and after over 7 hours at school you want nothing more than a break, but trust me. It’s better to start early than stay up late. Eat a snack and have some hot chocolate or ice water first, but try to do your work fairly soon.

If you have a bad habit that you are trying to quit, for each day you don’t do it, make a mark on your calendar. Use stickers, draw something, or just cross it off. Having a visual aid to your situation helps so much. especially helpful for self harm

Get some nice pens or pencils to write with. It makes annotating so much better.

Keep a planner. Don’t force yourself to remember everything. I’ve been using a bullet journal format this year, but in the past I have ordered planners specifically for school off of Amazon. They sell great ones with all of the subjects listed for each day.

[lylabnt]

hello hello i’m moose (she/her) comin at u from cst. i’m 20, a piece of shit, and idk what i’m doing with my life !! just tryna have a good time without having to worry abt school but that bitch is coming. anywayyyy this is lyla, i’ll have some info about her under the cut !! i want to plot w everyone so pls.....HMU or LIKE THIS and i’ll come to you !! u can also catch her pinterest board HERE if u wanna check it out !! it’s got some semi-nsfw content as well as a lil blood and knives !!

there are mentions of miscarriage, abortion, alcohol & drug addiction, abuse, sexual assault, violence, drug use, overdose, death, and sex work. it’s a lot i’m so sorry y’all. if i missed something pls let me know !! i’ll also put lil warnings before i mention them just to be safe. 

「 ELLE FANNING 」—  have you heard from 「 LYLA BENNETT 」 lately? the 「 NINETEEN 」 year old has been living in greystone for 「 TWO YEARS 」, and 「 SHE’S 」 known as 「 THE AMARANTH 」. i heard that they identify as 「 BISEXUAL 」 and 「 CISGENDERED 」. if you ask anyone around town, they’d say 「 LYLA 」 reminds them of 「ALL GLITTER EVERYTHING, MENTAL BREAKDOWN HAIRCUTS AT 3AM & HELLO KITTY BAND-AIDS ON SCRAPED KNEES 」. they live in 「 BELLA RIDGE APARTMENTS 」, currently 「 DOESN’T ATTEND SCHOOL 」, and 「 works FULL-TIME 」 at 「 MASQUERADE 」. a fact about them that not many people know is 「 SHE CHANGED HER NAME TO AID IN HER ESCAPE FROM HER FAMILY 」.

okay so!!! my baby lyla is kind of a sad story but man is she a fighteR

she was born elizabeth hopkins in a small town in georgia. lil lizzie always tried her best to be a happy go lucky kid but she the hand she was dealt wasn’t all that great. she grew up on the shitty side of a trailer park with a mother that didn’t want her and quite frankly it was a miracle she was even born, let alone as perfectly healthy as she was

tw: alcoholism & drug addiction & miscarriage & abortion !! her mother was a drug addict & an alcoholic. her daughter definitely wasn’t her first (or her last) pregnancy, but she was the only one that didn’t end in fetal death or termination.

her father was her mother’s drug dealer and was entirely absent, more of a sperm donor than anything else. she likely has a ton of other siblings running around that she doesn’t know about tbh.

anyway. she learned pretty quickly as a kid how to take care of herself and how harsh the world was. she got herself up and got to school on her own, cooked her own meals, washed her own clothes, did everything on her own while her mother went on week long benders and disappeared for days at a time.

tw: abuse & sexual assault & violence !! her mom was also quite abusive and this only got worse as she grew older. it wasn’t rare for any of her mother’s various and seemingly random boyfriends to look her way and obviously she hated it. she didn’t like them flirting with her and saying suggestive things to her. she just wanted to be left alone and kept out of her mother’s life. but skeevy boyfriends and jealous mother’s don’t mix and lizzie’s mom would accuse her of flirting back or trying to steal her man or whatever it was that particular day and she’d go to bed that night with a black eye or a busted lip. she was sixteen when her mother’s current boyfriend took something that didn’t belong to him. it was the first and the last time she let a man lay their hands on her without her consent. the next time he tried, she stabbed him through the hand, went on the run, and never looked back.

she left everything behind except the clothes on her back and what little money she had saved up, went to her best friend’s place, and the two took off in his pickup truck without a word to anyone. she never told him (or anyone else) for that matter what happened, but the two had been planning their escape for years, waiting for the right moment to take the leap.

they both changed their names, leaving their old identities and their pasts behind them. elizabeth hopkins didn’t exist anymore. she was lyla bennett and her companion, elliott o’connell. they traveled until they ran out of gas, taking whatever shitty jobs they could find in whatever city they ended up, staying in motels or sleeping in the truck when they needed cash. they both did things they weren’t proud of and relied on the kindness of strangers to get them by. their nomadic lifestyle was not glamorous. they would go for days without eating, a week without a shower, doing anything they could just to scrape by. 

tw: cocaine use & heroin use & overdose & death !! it wasn’t long before they found themselves in bad company. wolves dressed as sheep bet a club heard their story offered them a place to stay as long as they liked. the offer was eventually accepted and after months on the move they finally had a real bed to sleep in and real food to eat. but soon enough sleeping turned into parties that lasted all night and breakfast turned into a couple of snorted lines or a shot of heroin. a few months later lyla awoke after a party to find her best friend and life companion cold and lifeless next to her, a little too much of a deadly cocktail doing him in

before she even had time to let it sink it, she was out the door with all of the money she could gather, never to be seen or heard from again.

she eventually found herself greystone, a little over a year after she kissed the trailer park goodbye. she stayed in a motel until she could get herself on her feet, picking up odd jobs here and there until she got a job working as a dancer at masquerade at the age of 17 (although every piece of i.d. she owned said otherwise) with the stage name honey.

tw: sex work !! now at 19 years old, she finally has a real place to herself. and her roommate, but at least it’s a place she can finally call home. she’s a sex worker on the side as well, just to bring in extra cash to help her make rent and have food on the table.

okaY i think that’s it for her bg ?? it’s....a lot im sorrY but i will talk a bit abt her personality now bc.....i gotta.

she is v soft-spoken and honestly a lil mysterious ?? like....she’s a quiet girl n rarely speaks unless spoken to basically. and even then she doesn’t talk much

her label is the amaranth which basically means she is someone who isn’t very easily forgotten. she’s got this v magnetic way about her and she can be quite charming when she wants to be

she is soft, don’t get me wrong. she’s sensitive and sometimes she just needs to cry but don’t mistake her kindness and her generosity for weakness. she’s been used and taken advantage of too many times. she’s been thru too much to left people walk all over her now. she’s capable of pretty terrible things if that’s what she has to do to survive. don’t think she won’t snap just because she’s soft. 

she’s quite dreamy. always in her head & never really seems to be paying attention. she’s always somewhere else in her mind where things r quiet and everything is peaceful and perfect.

clumsy af but also graceful ?? she was so luckily given free ballet lessons as a child which she used as an excuse to get away from home so when she’s dancing she’s a graceful bih and she’s rly always wanted to be a ballet dancer but just in real life ?? catch her trippin over herself and scraping her knees on the daily. always has random bruises she cant remember getting

very girly. wears a lot of pink all the time & loves anything sparkly or glittery or fluffy or anything girly and cute basically. 

tw: cocaine addiction !! she also has many addictions. cigarettes & nicotine being one, candy & sweets being another, and cocaine being the last. also disney movies tbh

she never rly got the chance to be a kid so she;s like....kind of catching up on that now while she feels free & safe

idk waht else to say this is trash and i rambled the whole time im sorRY but plot with me pls i luv u all already 

my wanted connections are honestly open ?? idK i’m bad at thinking stuff up so y’all let me know if any ideas jump out at u or let’s brainstorm something dope ok lets d O IT

[dustycactus]

tag game thing that i’m doing the whole thing instead of just the ones i get in asks cuz wooo

1: name: kaiden 2: age: 15 3: 3 fears: the ocean, being left alone, and uh basketballs (those r terrifying you’ve gotta admit) 4: 3 things i love: drawing, the cold weather, and pastel yellow 5: 4 turns on: people with eyes, people with a heart, people with a brain, and people who are nice (do u rly think i’m going to say NOT SAFE FOR WORK THINGS ON MY TOTALLY SAFE FOR WORK BLOG pshh what r u on about) 6: 4 turns off: rude people in general, too much sarcasm, does ~drugs~ (the illegal shit), very judgy. 7: my best friend: MY LITTLE BLUE HAIRED FUCKKKEERRR, or just my cousin lol 8: sexual orientation: pansexual with a preference for bois 9: my best first date: uh we went to go get ice cream and then went to their rooftop asdfghjk i haven’t been on many dates 10: how tall am i: 5″6 11: what do i miss: my home town and the cold weather 12: what time were i born: 2 AM 13: favorite color: yellow or blue 14: do i have a crush: nah not for now 15: favorite quote: “existence, well what does it matter. i exist on the best terms i can. the past is now part of my future, the present is well out of hand”- ian curtis (lol not the most inspiring but i love) 16: favorite place: a small cliff behind a restaurant in my hometown. 17: favorite food: kitkats, or ice cream 18: do i use sarcasm: not really, no 19: what am i listening to right now: Kool Thing by Sonic Youth 20: first thing i notice in new person: their way of speaking, or their eyes. 21: shoe size: 9 1/2 22: eye color: brown :/ 23: hair color: brown again :/ 24: favorite style of clothing: the late 70′s- early 80′s punk outfits asdfghj i wish i was cool enough to pull that off 25: ever done a prank call?: ye 27: meaning behind my url: well right now it’s pumpkinspiced-aliens and it’s because it’s halloween and i love aliens asdfghjk 28: favorite movie: donnie darko, or maybe rocky horror 29: favorite song: can’t choose :( 30: favorite band: twenty one pilots and close second would be the clash asdfghjk what a nerd amiright  31: how i feel right now: 40% empty and 60% unaware of my surroundings and thinking about how useless life is ::))) 32: someone i love: my bro 33: my current relationship status: v single 34: my relationship with my parents: i guess okay? idk  35: favourite holiday: halloween and christmas (i already bought a christmas phone case i’m fuckin prepared) 36: tattoos and piercing i have: ear piercings, no tattoos yet 37: tattoos and piercing i want: probs gages, but not that big maybe the size of pencil erasers,, also a tattoo of a flamingo because reasons. 38: the reason i joined tumblr: because i needed something to do on the weekends and reason to get out of bed 39: do i and my last ex hate each other?: no we’re friends and hang out sometimes, i just realized that they’re not the type of person i like, so eh 40: do i ever get “good morning” or “good night ” texts?: i fuckin wish :’( 41: have i ever kissed the last person i texted?: uh yeah 42: when did i last hold hands?: today with my idiot friend nayla jkjk ily 43: how long does it take me to get ready in the morning?: like 40 minutes maybe 44: have you shaved your legs in the past three days?: :p 45: where am i right now?: at home 46: if i were drunk & can’t stand, who’s taking care of me?: probs my friend caro cuz she would be there too 47: do i like my music loud or at a reasonable level?: depends,, if i’m angry or sad really loud, but when i’m ghosty and stuff at a normal level 48: do i live with my mom and dad?: yeah 49: am i excited for anything?: for the hiatus to be over asdfg jk but also moving out  50: do i have someone of the opposite sex i can tell everything to? : uh not really everything,, i don’t tell everything to anyone but yeah i guess i’ve got a few friends that i trust with some information 51: how often do i wear a fake smile?: more often than people think 52: when was the last time i hugged someone?: today  53: what if the last person i kissed was kissing someone else right in front of me?: i tried to kiss my brother on the cheek and we accidentally touched lips but yee, um, i would be cheering that girl on 54: is there anyone i trust even though i should not?: i’m the most paranoid person about this stuff so no 55: what is something i disliked about today?: i had a science test and i had a panic attack at 3 AM 56: if i could meet anyone on this earth, who would it be?: uh probs tyler and josh, or just my soulmate esrdgfhh jkjk 57: what do i think about most? now that i think about it, it’s either college or death 58: what’s my strangest talent?: i can hold my breath for 3.5 minutes underwater asdfg it’s not that long but it’s oky 59: do i have any strange phobias?: other than the ocean and basketballs? i don’t think so. 60: do i prefer to be behind the camera or in front of it?: behind 61: what was the last lie i told?: this is gonna sound super fake and stuff but i said “i love you” asdfghjk 62: do i perfer talking on the phone or video chatting online?: talking on the phone 63: do i believe in ghosts? how about aliens?: ghosts? not really. aliens? damn right i do hmu if u want the full explanation 64: do i believe in magic?: nah 65: do i believe in luck?: maybe 66: what’s the weather like right now?: it was sunny a few minutes ago and now it’s windy like crazy idk what the fuck happened 67: what was the last book i’ve read?: stephen king’s “the girl who loved tom gordon” 68: do i like the smell of gasoline? fuck yeah 69: do i have any nicknames? not really other than kitkat or kai 70: what was the worst injury i’ve ever had?: my ankle snapped in half after being pushed to the bottom of a pool asdfghj it’s a long story 71: do i spend money or save it?: i spend it way too fast help 72: can i touch my nose with a tounge?: with A tongue? probs, not with my own tho 73: is there anything pink in 10 feets from me? yes my 3ds 74: favourite animal?: can’t choose but i love lizards 75: what was i doing last night at 12am?: showering fgh 76: what do i think is Satan’s last name is?: probs something super common like Johnson or Barkley or Trump. 77: what’s a song that always makes me happy when i hear it?: chills by down with webster lolol it reminds me of home 78: how can you win my heart?: being sweet and sending me good morning and goodnight texts 79: what would i want to be written on my tombstone?: “and a great succ he was....” and whatever else my family wants to write on it lolol 80: what is my favorite word?: plump 81: my top 5 blogs on tumblr: i don’t want to annoy them by tagging them but i love so many 82: if the whole world were listening to me right now, what would i say?: i would read every single one of my angry political letters and then tell them to fuck off. 83: do i have any relatives in jail? nah 84: i accidentally eat some radioactive vegetables. they were good, and what’s even cooler is that they endow me with the super-power of my choice! What is that power?: props invisibility or magic healing 85: what would be a question i’d be afraid to tell the truth on?: r u ok? 86: what is my current desktop picture?: the meme man 87: had sex?: asdfghjkljhgfdsfghjk,jhgfd no 88: bought condoms?: no but i got a bunch of them thrown at me once 89: gotten pregnant?: no 90: failed a class?: yee in like 6th grade 91: kissed a boy?: ye 92: kissed a girl?: ye 93: have i ever kissed somebody in the rain?: no but i wish 94: had job?: there are so many different things you could be talking about right now but yes i have had a working job 95: left the house without my wallet?: yeyeyey 96: bullied someone on the internet?: nope 97: had sex in public?: jcfghjghvewbdsjhwefhgv no 98: played on a sports team?: yee 99: smoked weed?: no 100: did drugs?: uh bad memories ascghj but technically yes and it sucked 101: smoked cigarettes?: ye like only a couple of timez,,, like 10,,,, i’m not addicted tho 102: drank alcohol?: ye 103: am i a vegetarian/vegan?: pesco vegetarian  104: been overweight?: nope 105: been underweight?: yep 106: been to a wedding?: yep 107: been on the computer for 5 hours straight?: yep  108: watched tv for 5 hours straight?: yep 109: been outside my home country?: bitch yes 110: gotten my heart broken?: kinda i guess 111: been to a professional sports game?: nah 112: broken a bone?: ye 113: cut myself?: purposefully, no. 114: been to prom?: well they’ve got “proms” at my school which is the entire high school including the seniors but like yeah i have 115: been in airplane?: too many times 116: fly by helicopter?: yee 117: what concerts have i been to?: so manyyy,,, tell me if u want me to say them all 118: had a crush on someone of the same sex?: i’m practically gay 119: learned another language?: i speak french and italian ~fluently~ 120: wore make up?: yes 121: lost my virginity before i was 18?: asdfghj no 122: had oral sex?: azsxdcfgvhbjbvgfhvewubcyfbkuycfuyqerliu no 123: dyed my hair?: eyeyyeyeyeeee 124: voted in a presidential election?: nope 125: rode in an ambulance?: yee 126: had a surgery?: yeee 127: met someone famous?: i met johnny cash,,, also his daugther 128: stalked someone on a social network?: celebrities yes 129: peed outside?: yee 130: been fishing?: yee 131: helped with charity?: yee 132: been rejected by a crush?: no 133: broken a mirror?: not that i remember 134: what do i want for birthday?: this year i only got 50 dollars haha i would like some clothes maybe and a ukelele 135: how many kids do i want and what will be their names?: i want 1 max 2 but idk their names yet,,, a girl i would name kayla cuz yeah 136: was I named after anyone?: nope 137: do i like my handwriting?: nope 138: what was my favourite toy as a child?: this little ballerina doll i had gotten in a mcdonalds happy meal 139: favourite tv Show?: “that 70′s show” or stranger things 140: where do i want to live when older?: toronto, montreal, or ottawa 141: play any musical instrument?: guitar, piano, and clarinet 142: one of my scars, how did I get it?: instead of using a plate to cut my sandwich in half while camping, i put a paper towel on my thigh and sliced a 1 cm cut into it lmao  143: favourite pizza toping?: pepperoni  144: am i afraid of the dark?: eh not really 145: am i afraid of heights?: not at all 146: have i ever got caught sneaking out or doing anything bad?: i got caught by my dad trying to steal a beer for my cousin,,,  147: have i ever tried my hardest and then gotten disappointed in the end?: on literally every test i’ve ever taken 148: what i’m really bad at: texting, being supportive, sharing food, physics, and general emotions 149: what my greatest achievments are: probs getting 1st at a national competition for a sport which i am not going to tell you 150: the meanest thing somebody has ever said to me: that i don’t have any friends and that i should drink bleach while jumping off the CN tower :) 151: what i’d do if i won in a lottery: donate a quarter of it to charity, giving another quarter to sick family members, and the rest save for my education and my brother’s. 152: what do i like about myself: i’ve got nice eyelashes i’ve been told 153: my closest tumblr friend: idk... 154: something i fantasise about: having a nice romantic relationships

THERE DONE BJKHSDAKUJSDXKHJEKYGUYHWERUHIFR

[practicefortheheart]

marlonbookcase replied to your post “poesvliegtuig replied to your post “marlonbookcase replied to your...”

sure, hmu!

Well, I don’t know what products you need or what skin type you have, but I’ll give some recs. I have a very dry and sensitive skin, so keep that in mind. 

I’ll put this after the break so I don’t spam people who don’t care two shits about skin care

The Body Shop: is a nice cruelty free and eco-friendly brand, and they have products for all skin types, but in my experience the products are a bit hit or miss. Some of their products are great, and some were terrible. For dry/sensitive skin I’d rec:

- the aloe skin care line (I use the foaming wash atm, the toner and the day cream are also really nice, but I don’t currenlty use them)

- shea body butter (LOVE)

for any skin type:

- camomile makeup remover oil (gets rid of EVERYTHING and very gentle)

makeup:

- moisture foundation - I have one that is slightly too light for me, but I like the way it looks, very nice and natural and it really keeps the skin hydrated all day - but a bit more coverage than what I want in general, so I don’t use it that often

- honey bronze bronzer powder - looks very nice, matte and not orange <3

They have a lot of products I really don’t like, though. Make sure to try things before you buy...

(they do have really nice brushes!)

Lush: well, I mean...it’s just a great brand. If I gave you a list of all the lush products I like, this post would be way way too long. I’ll give you the things I use (almost) daily and stick to skin care and leave the shampoo and shower stuff out. 

- let the good times roll facial cleanser: is a very gentle scrub, smells DIVINE and leaves your skin smooth and clear

- eau roma water: very calming toner

- imperialis / celestial moisturizers: I switch between the two, depending on the condition of my face

- ultrabland facial cleanser: also an oil based makeup remover, similar to the the body shop one. This doesn’t take everything away like the tbs one, but it’s a bit more nourishing, I feel. Just make sure you have a good eye makeup remover if you need one. 

- brazened honey fresh face mask: would use daily if I could 

- full of grace solid serum: put this on before you go to bed and you wake up with the softest baby skin it’s amazing and it smells so good 

Rituals: cruelty free, no parabens, eco-friendly and they don’t use plastic in their scrubs

- mild eye makeup remover: I swear by this stuff. Best one I ever tried, hands down. 

I also use their sun protection products. They smell really nice.

The Ordinary: very affordable, higly active, no nonsense skin care - eco-friendly, cruelty-free and from what I can tell also vegan. The products get a scientific name, so it does take some time looking around the website to find the products that work for you, but they have some example regimens and a regimen guide. This is a brand I’ve just started testing out. I’m really happy with these products so far:

-  Hyaluronic Acid 2% + B5: a hydration support formula

-  100% Organic Cold-Pressed Rose Hip Seed Oil: daily support formula, is also anti-aging. 

I’m going to place a new order soon to try out more of their products, because I like this company a LOT. 

Holy shit, this is some list - I’m a real skin care hoe, y’all. 

[equalstrashflavoredtrash]

My First Kiss at the Public Execution - 6

PART 1 - PART 2 - PART 3 - PART 4 - PART 5 - PART 7 - PART 8 - PART 9 - PART 10 - PART 11

a/n: posting this earlier than like midnight cus im gon to see princess mononoke in the theaters tonight and im so fucking hyped i know if i dont do this now i’ll prolly forget for two days so enjoy!! tell me what you think!

@beautifulramblingbrains @frecklefaceb @feminamortem  @anditcametopass @dauntlessmetalmom @pathybo @mimigemrose @ag-delights @abfoster1s @sparklemichele @murmelinchen @jojuarez26 @purple-puddin @audreyfulquard [if you wanna be on the list hmu]

Warning: just a couple of frisky makout scenes, it’s setting up for next chapter with will be very fun to write

Eric X OFC // Divergent Trilogy

word count: 3,541

i wake alone in a woman's room i hardly know i wake alone and pretend that i am finally home

"Really?" Mae asked eyeing the two relatively small boxes that sat on the bare mattress, "That's all?"

"Yeah I guess, it's mostly clothes and gear," I replied as I slung the black duffel bag over my shoulders then grabbing one case.

"You don't even have a TV?" she questioned, lifting the last box and heading out the door.

"I never really wanted one," I shrugged as I took one final look back at the small room I had resided in for the past few years since I'd left Amity for good. I didn't feel much of anything as I let the door shut behind me. Most of the time I spent there was sleeping or getting dressed, my strongest memory was when I first saw it.

Once I passed initiation and was an official member of Dauntless, I was assigned to this space. We had to spend at least a year here before applying for an apartment, but I never bothered to move out. Until now, that is. Passively accepting what is given to you is very much an Amity trait. It's more Dauntless to demand better, to take what you deserve.

We joked and laughed as we lugged my possessions across the compound. Being around Mae made me smile, I could relax in her company.

"It's been bugging me, so I have to ask," I began as we passed The Chasm, "Where did Jason get his wedding tattoo? I mean he doesn't have a left hand, let alone a ring finger."

Mae gave me a smug look before stating, "On his cock," as my eyebrows shot up.

"Seriously?" I asked in a hushed tone, looking at her wide-eyed.

"No! Of course not," Mae scoffed, throwing her head back with contagious laughter. I couldn't help but smile with her. I should've expected this, she had recently started teasing me for how gullible I could be at times.

"Phew," she finally said, still chuckling as she balanced the box on the railing, freeing a hand to wipe away a tear, "You will believe anything," she grinned at me, "but no, he just got it on his right hand."

"Drum roll please!" Mae buzzed as she punched the code into the keypad before swinging the door open, "Welcome to your brand new, though gently used, humble abode!"

I hummed and nodded as I looked around the small room, "I think I've got about four square feet of extra space over the old place," I joked looking back at her.

"And this sweet kitchenette," she added, pointing to the left side of the room with her thumb. There was a small half size fridge with a butcher block countertop above it, a two burner gas stove, and sink, "You don't have to rush to the mess hall for breakfast any more, talk about leisurely mornings. And check this out," she crossed the small space to a door, turning the knob, "This is why I moved out of the dorms, your own shower! No more of that communal co-ed washroom bullshit."

I poked my head past her looking in, "That's about all that's in there," I commented as I studied the closet with a toilet and shower. I stepped back as she closed the door and looked around the small room again and I liked it, I even had a window now.

"Thank you, Mae," I stated with a wide smile as I turned to face her.

"Don't worry," she replied waving her hands, but I could see she was pleased with my reaction, "Listen I got a spare TV, so I'll bring it over tonight after work and I'll show you all my favorite programs, ok?"

"Yeah that sounds awesome, I can't wait," I agreed as she walked to the exit.

"Alright, I'll see you then, just after dinner," she finalized before closing the door.

While toweling my hair, I stepped out of the shower humming, "Stamp and dance be nimble and merry," I mumbled to myself as I looked at my new room. I had spent all day arranging and rearranging the handful of furniture I had until it was perfect and I was exhausted.

"But watch the fire and try to be wary," I continued, as I closed my eyes, leaning forward, and wrapping my hair tight in the towel to dry. It was one of my favorite songs from Amity that was sung around the weekly bonfire, I could never forget it.

"For you must know I have no warm bed," I slid open the folding closet doors to reveal my dresser, I moved it in there to save floor space. Once it was tucked away I was able to arranged my bed and small futon back to back in the center of the room, the couch facing the door, and the bed set so I could see out the window as I laid down. I was very excited about the new bed, it was twice as wide as my last one so I had plenty of room to stretch out.

I dug through the dresser looking for underwear to pull on, "And when it's cold I need it instead," I sang as I pulled an oversized t-shirt above my head, letting it settle around my shoulders as there was a knock on the door. "One second," I called out as I quickly tugged up a pair of shorts.

I hurried over to the door at the second knock, "Sorry, I just got out of the-," I began as I looked up, expecting to see Mae with a monitor. Instead I was greeted by the tall, broad frame of Eric in my door way.

"Oh, hello," I stammered, thrown off balance by his sudden appearance, "Sorry, I was expecting someone else, a friend."

"I heard you were moving," Eric spoke, ignoring me as he pushed past into my apartment, "I brought you this," he handed me a bottle of liquor, "A house warming gift," he explained without making eye contact as he strode around my room inspecting the small space.

"Thanks, but I don't really like whiskey," I replied inspecting the bottle.

"That's fine, just save it for the next time I visit," he responded taking a seat on my mattress, "Not bad," he nodded before eyeing at me, "Need help breaking it in?"

I gave an exasperated sigh as I set the glass bottle on the coffee table and crossed over to him, "My friend Mae is going to be here any moment, you need to leave," I said as I grabbed and tugged at his arm, giving a futile attempt to dislodge him from his seat.

"But I don't want to," Eric shot as he jerked his arm back, leading me to stumble forward. He quickly wrapped his other arm around my waist, pulling me sideways onto his lap.

"Cut this out," I said as he gripped my waist, leaning forward to bite my throat. I pushed on his shoulders trying to back up, but he held me in place. I felt my resolve crack as he slowly ran his nose up along the column of my neck.

"Don't you want to spend time with me?" he questioned with a low voice into my ear. I whined as I wrapped an arm behind his neck, inching myself closer to him as his fingers danced around the hem of my shirt, acting as a catalyst to the fire under my belly. I brought my face forward, nipping at his top lip as he grinned, leaning backwards slightly.

"Hey Mott, I brought the TV," Mae called out, pushing the door open with her back. She paused in her tracks once she finally turned to fully face Eric and I, "Oh, uh, my bad," she stammered, averting her eyes to look at the wall.

"No," I started frantically, pushing myself away from Eric while his grip was slack, "Eric was just about to go," I looked at him quickly catching his furious glare, "He's leaving now."

Eric let a out a scoff as he stood up, pushing past me to the door, which he proceeded to slam behind himself.

"Sorry," I mumbled, avoiding Mae's eyes as I tugged on my fingers, "I was trying to tell him to leave, that I was expecting you, but he can be, uh, persuasive," I stammered as she set the screen onto the coffee table.

"Hey, you don't have to apologize to me," she joked in a light tone as she moved to hook the television up. I sighed and relaxed, letting my shoulders slump as I moved forward to help her.

"I do have to ask though," she started, looking up, "Does Eric know about Rachel?"

I gnawed on my lip, hesitant to answer, "No he doesn't, but it's not like it matters. I haven't heard from her in two and a half weeks," I explained, watching as Mae's face drooped with sympathy.

"I'm sorry," she added, resting a hand on my arm, "That really sucks. But hey, it's her loss," she added as she squeezed my shoulder. I tried to return her smile as we plugged in the last wires.

I blinked slowly in the morning sunlight, confused for a second at where I was. It took a moment for me to gain enough consciousness to gather my bearings but then I remembered, I was in my new apartment where I lived alone. I felt a long familiar pang in my chest at the reminder of my solitude and unconsciously let my thoughts drift back to the details of Layla.

I thought of how I'd idly wrap the spirals of her hair around my finger, laying with her in the grass when we were young and free from responsibility. Free to spend the day together doing as we pleased, even if that was nothing. I wished to look at her now, across the bed sheets from me, sharing my blankets. I could see in my mind how her curls would spill across the pillow, like the vines of ivy snaked across the decayed concrete overpass in Amity. I reached out slowly, running my fingers through the air where her cheek would be, imagining there was something to touch.

How different would my life in Dauntless have been if Layla had joined me? Part of me swore I could have helped her, kept her from being discovered, but she never even gave me that chance.

With a deep sighed I closed my eyes and rolled over, pushing myself up from under the bedding. I sat on the edge of the mattress, trying to prepare myself for the day ahead as I avoided looking over my shoulder to the empty bed that I occupied alone.

I spent most of my time perched on the floor, resorting all the scattered files. It turned out to be an extensive process, first having to return the loose leafs to their proper folder, then organizing said folders. I spent day in and day out flipping through pages and sorting through files on the floor of Eric's office.

I grew stiff spending the long hours curled up on the hard tiles. I swore that I'd go to the gym today, I even brought my gym pack with me so I could head there straight away. I heard my joints pop as I stood up and stretched. Checking the clock I noted it was dinner time. Most everyone would be in the mess hall so the gym will likely be empty as I preferred. That's what I hoped for, but unfortunately things didn't go according to plan.

I hadn't taken two steps in to the rec room when I found myself face to face with Eric. I groaned, annoyed that I could never seem to keep away from him.

"Surprising seeing you here," he smirked, about to exit the door I had just entered, "Don't want to get too flabby, people might start to question if you're actually a soldier," he chided as he walked pass. I stood there fuming for a minute before I turned on my heel and stormed into the men's locker room, following him.

"I'd be able to work out more if I didn't have to spend countless hours sorting out the mess you made!" I shouted, catching him by surprise as he pulled his shirt off.

"You mean the mess we made?" Eric challenged, quirking an eyebrow as he emphasized the word 'we'.

"No way, you were the one who knocked everything over," I returned pointing my finger at him as he rested his hands on his hips.

"Really?" he replied taking a step closer to me, "You really think you weren't complicit in the act? It was entirely your fault," he pressed as he looked down at me, I stood my ground, refusing to step away, "After all, you were the one who kissed me.

"It almost makes me wonder why you followed me in here," Eric continued as he studied me with his eyes.

"I came in here to call you an idiot," I spat at him as he moved in closer.

"Is that all you came in here for?" Eric asked, lowering his head toward my ear, "There was nothing else that you wanted from me?" he shifted his legs, pushing one foot between mine as his lips ghosted across the edge of my ear. I swallowed hard before answering, hoping to stifle the tremor in my voice that he caused.

"No?" I stammered, my tone unsure. Part of me wanted to run away but then he began to nip and kiss my jawbone and I couldn't help but rest my hands on his bare chest as he grabbed my middle. He pulled back, sitting down on the bench behind him as his fingers trailed along the sides of my legs, encouraging me forward. I bit my lip as I followed his lead, resting my knees on either side of him while avoiding his smug expression. I shivered at his touch as his fingers trailed up my spine underneath the cotton of my shirt.

"There's nothing you want from me?" he questioned again his lips dangerously close to mine as he pushed my hips down against his semi hard bulge. I closed my eyes, whining at the sensation of him under me before I choked out a response.

"I want you to say my name."

"Now why would I do that?" he smirked, teasing at the skin of my neck.

"Because I want you to," I stated, pushing back slightly to catch his gaze.

"Hmm," he hummed, narrowing his eyes as if considering my request, "No."

I acted on impulse and unabashedly slid one hand down his abdomen, snaking my fingers between our hips to cup his erection through his gym shorts, "I want you to say my name," I reiterated, pushing against him.

"No," he maintained as his trademark crooked smirk grew into a grin. It was obvious he was enjoying this game. I felt hypnotized by his hungry stare as I cautiously slid my palm upwards, letting my fingers dip under his waistband while leaning forward.

"Say my name," I whispered in his ear trying a new tactic, allowing my warm breath dance across his skin and cartilage. I could hear Eric let out a low growl as his hands drifted north from my thighs, gripping the soft flesh of my bottom. I stalled my hand, allowing my fingertips to just barely tease his lower wisps of hair, "I just want you to say my name."

Before Eric could reply the locker room door swung open with the laughter of three men echoing off the tiles. I snapped back to reality in an instant as the clouds that fogged my mind quickly dispersed. Without hesitation I climbed off of Eric's lap. Grabbing my bag, I bolted towards the exit, bustling past the group of intruders.

I couldn't believe that I'd fallen into his trap again. I cursed myself for being caught with him as I stopped in the hall just outside the doors, trying to catch my breath. I knew what kind of rumors this behavior would inspire. I turned my head to the side, hearing the nondescript sound of Eric yelling profanities at the others. I couldn't imagine that he was happy with this turn of events.

Once back at my place I clamped my fists over my eyes and dropped to the floor, slumped against the inside of my apartment door. I don't know why I continued to let this happen and I hated myself for it. I could swear that I despised him a hundred times over, but then once Eric put his hands on me I immediately turned into putty, eager to bend to his will. I cursed myself with an exasperated sigh.

Dropping my hands I looked up and my eyes came to rest upon the glass bottle of amber liquid on the coffee table. I had forgotten about it, leaving it out to eventually collect dust days ago. Shifting my legs, I knelt forward and wrapped my fingers around the neck of the bottle. Twisting open the cap there was a satisfying crack as the seal broke before I lifted it to my lips, taking a hefty drink. I was quick to pull away, coughing and sputtering at first in response to the bitter taste before I brought the bottle back for another gulp.

After another drink or two I managed to stand up and stumble three feet over to the couch. I grabbed the remote clicking on the television as I took another drink, still grimacing at the taste. The screen blinked to life pulling up the last channel I had been watching with Mae. She had a thing for cartoons and now there were five animated women singing, "Face it like a grown up, when you gunna own up that you got-," I cut them off changing the channel. I continued to press the button, absently scanning through the different programs without really processing what they were as I sipped absently at the bottle.

The next thing I know, I'm blinking at the morning sun as it shines in my face. I groaned as I rolled over, twisting my bed sheets tighter around my legs. Eventually I sat up, stretching as a I yawned. Moving to throw my legs over the edge of the bed I noticed the half empty bottle on the side table with a piece of paper taped to it. I tugged the note loose and immediately recognized the neat handwriting, everything in caps. The note simply read, 'I thought you didn't like whiskey' without a signature.

I kept my head down all day, too embarrassed to even look at Eric. I tried my hardest to just focus on my work, plowing forward like Sisyphus with this mound of paperwork. I could feel the note in my pocket every time I shifted, hyper aware of it's presence. All day I wanted to say something to him, but each time I tried to get my nerves up I hesitated. I'm not quite sure why, I knew for a fact that was his handwriting. But maybe it could've been someone else. Though who else would would've taken the time to tuck me into bed? At the end of the day I stood to leave, gathering my things before I headed out.

"Mott," Eric barked, causing me to jump before stopping in my steps. He stood and rounded the corner of his desk so he stood in front of me, "Go have a quick dinner and wash up, I expect to meet you in The Pit at six o'clock sharp. We're going out." I was confused for a second not sure if he was giving me orders or asking me on a date.

"Yes, sir," I nodded as I dipped my hand into my pocket to grab the note, "Did you leave this?" I asked, holding it out to him.

"Of course, and you're lucky I came to check up on you," he smirked as he took the small piece of paper, "I found you face first in the rug with Bob Ross playing." I had a quick flash of a hazy memory, watching a show about painting trees and adoring every second.

"Well, thanks," I replied avoiding his eye contact. He moved his arm, resting his fingers under my chin, guiding me to face him as he leaned in to place a chaste kiss on my lips.

"Wear something nice," he added, moving his mouth close to my ear before stepping away and returning to his seat.

PART 1 - PART 2 - PART 3 - PART 4 - PART 5 - PART 7 - PART 8 - PART 9 - PART 10 - PART 11

the lyrics at the beginning are from The Recluse by Cursive

i hope you enjoyed it please tell me what you think

[lovecomesin]

The Male Recapulation pt 1

I don’t even know where to begin with this one so I guess I can just start to type and see where my fingers take me. Welp, let’s start with Rahim. I decided one drunk $2 Tuesday to ignore all of my common sense and drive to see a guy that does not give me what I need emotionally to feel satisfied in a relationship. Like I said at the time I was intoxicated and PMSing so my red flower lead me on the expressway 28 mins away from my apartment to his. I’ll admit, it wasn’t terrible and it gave me something to do while not sleeping overnight lol. Once I got there he stated that he had been moving his things into his apartment which was true. Rahim did always drive to see me and I never drove to him so I obliged it. Once I got there we were outside for a while and we even smoked outside. He finally kicked his sleeping dad out of his room and we went upstairs. Being around Rahim is easy, but there are also areas that need improvement. Rahim doesn’t hang around people which I really like but he lets that solitude bleed into his relationship life and that is a no-go for me. Rahim told me that anytime I want to see him I should contact him and see where he at so I can pull up. He also believes that the reason I like him is because he doesn’t press me and I told him that is not the case at all. I tried to compromise it by letting him know that I am most attracted to men that are bold and vocal about their feelings for me. I also told him that I would like it if would hmu. I could tell by the course of our conversation that we were still not on the same page but I was pleased because at least I was vocal about what I want and do not want. Once we made it inside he put his bed together and we chilled on the bed. One thing I really enjoyed is how sexually passionate Rahim can be. He will grab me, lay me across his body, choke me, restrain my wrist but my favorite was this move he did while I straddled one of his legs and he pressed his thigh into my clit. Not sure who though him this sexual sorcery but my body gives me all the accolades lol. The thing I did not like that I have noticed has been a constant whenever I did see Rahim is his smell. It’s not necessarily a rancid stinky smell but there is a twang to his scent. He smelt like he had been moving all day and his finger nails were soo dirty so that automatically scratched pussy play off the to-do list for the night. It was not a terrible smell he just wasn’t a fresh as I would like my men. I prefer a very light cologne smell, soap or no scent at all. As a stated it hit me that Rahim usually smells this way and I don’t know if it was because he has done something before he comes to see me or if he simply does not shower before meeting up with people. Anyways, I was enjoying his hands on my body but my OCD and desire to bang only men who are my man stopped me cold turkey. I couldn’t even kiss him on the lips. I eventually ended up leaving around 2am where he claimed he would stay up until I told him I made it home. He responded the next morning my placing a imessage heart on my message. I took a chance on Rahim by doing something completely out of my nature just to see him and in his usual fashion, it wasn’t enough . This go round I did not set any mental standards for him thought. I simply told him what I wanted, told him that I did not like what he was currently doing and waiting to see his actions moving forward. So far its more about nothing. He hasn’t texted me, called or anything. I’ll admit while typing this I am curious on how long it will take him to finally decide to hmu again but then again I don’t want to fret over things/people that are not my business. What this did do for me was show me a close up glimpse of our entire relationship so far. How any guy could possibly think a woman can be attracted to someone who shows zero interest in you is beyond me. And it just kinda clicked that this will continue to be who is and what he thinks. I comprised for him but I don’t see his compromise. And where there is not compromise there is no reciprocity either.

[sosico]

Favorite Flicks of 2017

Like the previous year, looking back on 2017 through the camera lens, here are 12 of my favorite photos that I shot this past year - my favorite of each month - and the stories behind them. Enjoy...

Polaroid Test Shots  -  January 16

As far as my own photography work goes, 2017 was a slower year for me than I had hoped for. I shot a lot for clients, brands, and SOSICO. - more than I did for myself, but that's what you gotta do to pay the bills I guess. This will be the over-arching theme of the year and all of these posts, so get used to it...

Anyways, I started the year with a brand new polaroid camera that I received as a Christmas gift. This is a photo of the first photo that I shot on it -  a test shot selfie in a mirror in my basement with Allen lurking in the background. Classy.

Blank Face  -  February 12

It was snowing. It was cold as fuck. We sent it to Providence to try to shoot some content for the recent line, "Criminals Painted in a Bad Light". The "Blank Face Ski Mask" was the highlight of the line for me because of how dope it was to photograph, especially still coming off of a recent obsession with the (highly underrated in my opinion) Blank Face LP by ScHoolboy Q.

Alex and I sent it through the mall and to the other side of the parking garage to a pretty frequented photography location. This staircase has bright blue painted handrails and is incased in triangular shaped floor to ceiling windows that allow for tons of natural light. Because of the weather that day, the muted tones worked to almost "sterilize" the photograph and allowed the cyan criss-crossed handrails to pop out in the foreground while the S's logo dead center on the forehead of the ski mask stood in focus.

Blurred Vision  -  March 9

From a random shoot with Matt, Ricky and Johnny. We kept it pretty local on this one due to the weather finally breaking and warming up a little bit. I had envisioned this concept a while back and having my tripod with me, was finally able to execute.

While having the subject stand completely still, they would then move their head around rapidly while taking a long exposure - being sure not to move any other part of their body. If it all works out correctly, everything will be still and sharp, while their head and face become a complete blur.

Never stop experimenting with your art. Always try new techniques and new ideas. Don't get boring.

Beauty in the struggle  -  April 9

In the childhood home of Brodie Fresh in Elmont, NY.

This was my first time eating Jamaican food from Jamaican Flavors in Queens. This short trip was also my first time going to Philly. A couple firsts here. Things were good. Things were happy here. There was a lot of shit going on, on both of our plates, but we were making due with it all and at the end of the day we were both happy. It might look bad on the surface, and although shit sucked (underlying), it's never all bad.

I think that the struggles of life can simplify things sometimes.

Escape  -  May 30

Sometimes creating art for no reason is reason enough. Took some much needed time to wander around the coast that day with Alex, Will and Brodie. I had been working on a lot of different things lately, one in particular was planning for the store that we were about to open a couple months later.

This shot feels so West Coast to me. Like a warm Californian day looking out at a beach from the vantage point of an ocean cliff adorned with sweet flowers. It's not though, and that's why I think I like it so much. It was Rhode Island in late May. Warm enough, but still very overcast and the least bit tropical. Perspective is all it takes to let your mind roam.

Reserva Florestal de Recreio do Monte do Brasil, Terceira Isl. Açores  -  June 26

Looking over the West side of Angra do Heroísmo from the crater of the Reserva Florestal de Recreio do Monte Brasil. After a long hike to the top of 1 of the 4 peaks of a crater, Ricky & I hiked down into the middle & then back up the other side to the Southernmost point of this peninsula that juts out in front of the city of Angra. This photo is shot from just above the crater. As we continued, we were surrounded by nothing but rolling hills and the sights of trees & flowers with the city in view between the peaks in the distance.

Beautiful Abyss  -  July 1

Sitting on a whale watching boat in international waters off of the coast of the Island of Terceira. Out in the distance there was this one, singular low hanging thick puffy cloud gliding just above the calm sea. With nothing else in site or surrounding it, it felt so vast and empty - limitless like an abyss - but beautiful in the simplicity of it all.

Jamiacan Rain  -  August 19

Hot, humid, tropical rainy showers in Lucea, Jamaica. From the entrance to our hotel we could look out past the lush flowers and palm trees to the bright blue Caribbean ocean.

After I shot this photo, one of the gardeners at the resort insisted on taking a photo of us. He then asked us if we had ever had a fresh coconut before, to which we replied no. He asked us for our room number and told us he'd be by in 5 minutes.

There was a knock at the door shortly after. I opened it and he was standing there with makeshift water bottle vase filled with fresh flowers he'd picked from the gardens (for Bethanie), and a coconut the size of our heads with a small hole hacked in the top. I drank the fresh coconut water & instantly started speaking creole...

Swisher Sweet  -  September 30

September was lame, but I did get to shoot for Swisher Sweet. I also don't own the rights to this photo anymore, but I'm posting it here anyways.

of us  -  October 19

In early 2015 I founded a second clothing brand in the form of a creative outlet; OF US. The name is rooted from a mix of prefixes such as “de”, which translates to “of” in most latin based languages. My family name, Deus, is of Portuguese origin and translates to God. When broken in half, it becomes, “De-Us”, (how it is pronounced) or essentially, “Of-Us”. The OF US brand is the unofficial sister brand to SOSIC. and represents the creative balance between the two. Its backwards nature and concept deems it solely exclusive to the individuals behind and around it. It is created OF US and exclusively FOR US. In recent years, I have produced very small, limited runs of clothing under this moniker. If you asked me about it or what it was, I probably told you it was some shirt I bought in New York. This brand is more personal; an extended look into my conscious and subconscious. Do not expect it and do not try to understand it. It is of God; with contrasting beauty and fear. It is fleeting - here today and gone tomorrow. It is of ambiguity; bearing marvel and curiosity. It is release, to maintain balance in juncture. It is undivided, sole and unique among the masses. It is OF US & FOR US. Losers Never Win.

Dirty Mirrors  -  November 15

On a whim, we shot these looks for the "Dirty Mirrors" single promo content one night in the basement of the shop. We dragged these huge 4x8 foot mirrors down the stairs, and in the process fucked a lot of shit up. There were pieces of broken glass everything and Vincent sliced his hand open really good - to the point where he turned pale white and almost passed out from the blood. It was sick.

After a slight recovery, we positioned the mirrors into a pentagon shape with them all facing in towards each other and had Matt and Vincent sit inside one by one. We shut the lights off, and with an iPhone flashlight in one hand, and my camera in the other I proceeded to lean in over the mirrors from the outside and shoot away blindly.

The best part of this is how fluid and experimental it was. We just went for it and it worked and that's always the best. There was very little done in post which is always super cool too. This shot also reminds me a lot of some shit that The Weeknd would put out for content a while ago, back when he dropped House of Balloons and The Trilogy.

As it all unfolds -  December

I couldn't pick just one. I did this the previous year.

December was one of the better months for photography and even in general. So many cool things came from it. So much progress. Myself and all of my friends doing great things. It seems like things are finally unfolding and shit is gaining traction. We're starting to figure it all out.

UNTLD. launched their first single & I shot this crazy as photo of them for their profiles. I wish I had photos of the setup we shot this with lol - it literally looked like a big fucking disaster. We cleared out a corner of our soon to be photo studio room and shut the lights off in the shop right during the middle of the day. I rigged up a desk lamp on the floor, and rested a taller lamp down on a pillow on each side to try to diffuse the hard shadows behind them cast on the white wall. It looked like a mess. Each portrait of Matt & Vincent was shot separately and then brought together in post production with a good amount of editing to get it all to fit right. It was the first time I did anything like this, and I'm proud of it. Thoroughly.

A week after that I shot with Spocka. He needed some new general promo content. No set direction, just content. We drove around brainstorming and shooting random shit. After a while I got sick of how boring and overdone everything was coming out. The solution - "Bro, your hair!" "What?" "Everyone knows you by your hair 'cus you've got these really long dope dreads." In my head I was thinking of some crazy ass Busta Rhymes styled video angles so I just sat down and shot up with Spocka looking directly over the camera.

Later that same day, I shot more content for UNTLD. again. Walking into the location was like walking into the past. It had this old vintage feel, it was perfect. 100% plan on shooting there again soon. Hmu.

Elmont, NY. Brodie Fresh. Directed by Fred Focus. Lamborghini with the top down in the Winter. Enough said.

And finally - the first SOSICO. tattoo. Yes it's real. Yes, that's how we're really setting the tone for 2018. Get ready.

It's done, 2017 is a wrap and I'm so much more excited for 2018 than I've been for any other year. This past year felt like a dud, but I did a lot of learning. There were a lot of experiences and it helped me start to get my shit together - and so much more than I could ever explain in a blog, and so much in store for the coming year. I even have a list of resolutions. Is this what growing up feels like? Am I "adulting" now, finally, at a fresh twenty three years of age?

Things feel like they're coming together. I've been connecting the dots. I'm not worried about or focused on things I once was, it's past me, and moving on and focusing on the bigger picture has become the new trend I feel I'm on.

Photography is a direct reflection of one's self, and if you have a camera in your hands most of the places you go it will embody that. You allow people to see your point of view, literally. With that said, by the next time I'm sitting down to create my list of "Favorite Flicks of 2018", it will be from a much different perspective that I can't wait to share with you all.

Peace + Happiness

- Zack

[bogb0ng]

1 threw 85

Since a few have been answered already I’ll answer the rest 

1: Looks are not important to me so much i believe there should be some kind of physical attraction, but i’m more about personality! 

2: relationships are totally worth it to me! I’m not into hooking up all the time plus my SO usually becomes my bestfriend 

3: no Obviously not lol 

4: It’s very complicated…. I’m technically not in a relationship with the guy, but we’ve both said we want to be… 

5: I’m not really sure what it is, but i don’t think it’s love just yet 

6: technically I guess I am? 

7: absolutely I prefer to be committed to one person! Tbh they get all of my time an attention when i’m not around friends and family. 

8: he’s just a bit taller than me has this crazy sense of humor that I completely adore. He’s got this adorable smile, deep brown eyes and hair and is so god damn handsome whenever I get a picture I melt (I actually almost fell over yesterday because of this) 

9: a guy with a great sense of humor who adores me as much as i do him.

10: I’m not really sure. I prefer to know a person before I say I’m in love. 

11: surprisingly yes! 

12: depending on how bad it is I will if it’s something stupid like they broke their plans with me or gave away a minor secret behind my back no biggie i’ll probably forgive them, but if they cheated or something…. i’m gone believe me I don’t do well with that shit

13: kinda, kinda not? it’s hard because like i’m not mad at the people that i’m getting jealous over… i’m just insecure. oh well lol

14: yessssss ahah same guy but also a little crush on some one else i think, but they’ll never know 

17: Yes! if it’s a quick kiss i’m A ok with it, but i don’t make out in public 

apparently there’s no 18 or 19??? soo uhm yeah 

20: i try to shower every day sometimes I dont get the chance and I have to shower the next day, but I keep myself clean!

21: I don’t know… IF ANY OF YA THINK I’M A CUTIE AND HAVE FEELS SEND ME ANON HEARTS AND I’LL LOVE YOU FOREVER!!! 

22: I hope a certain some one is, but who knows for sure 

23: Yes are you kidding me!? People can’t do that?? like when i’m in a relationship holy shit i’m 110% into that person they become everything to me and also i’d never want to hurt some one in that way. 

24: I hope i’m at least engaged, but then again i could just be alone forever… so i guess if anyone wants to make a pact to get married by a certain age HMU Lmfao 

25: YESSSSS ugh i’m holding out on some one, but hey shit happens 

26: actually yes my Ex. and we’re still good friends. I also would not want to lose him. he’s an amazing person with a huge caring heart. 

27: I wouldn’t call it a poem, but it was a really long rant/letter to the man who loves me next. 

28: I’m not entirely sure, but my extremely mentally abusive ex probably did because a guilty conscience usually blames the other half. (he accused me of cheating and i would rather die than cheat on some one) 

29: No. never have. never will.

30: actually I have…. i’ve never felt good about my stomach and have always wanted to get it fixed some how, but i never will. 

31: yes I have. I’ve had my fair share of heartbreak 

32: I have many a time. you cant change some ones heart and thats fine! ]

33: obviously lol 

34: I mean I almost did once….

35: Of course I have haha

36: yes! in fact i almost dated him when we were in high school! 

37: yup…. and they told me, but i dated him anyways and what a fuck up that was….

38: yes!! omg i was in shock when it happened 

39: Yes, but they’d never know because I’m respectful 

40: all the time! i write to get my feelings out 

41: I have (and it was goooooooddd) 

43: my longest relationship was a year and a month or so. 

44: I’ve had a total of 5 boyfriend in my lifetime lol 

45: like 0 i was the human equivalent of birth control or some shit 

46: a lot with my SO at the time lol

47: 21! 

48: I’d probably tell them i’m really happy for them and wallow for a bit before moving on. 

49: I currently do not so i guess my favourite thing about the person I like is that goofy smile I get when i’m being cute lol 

50: I mean i don’t think i’ve met my true love so probably not?

51: there’s lots of people i would do anything for. i’m the type of person who drops anything for a friend in need.

52: Yes. a family member, my ex roommate. probably more, but you know what best of luck to them they’re gonna need it 

53. I’d hope not…. 

54: theres a lot of people i could never forget 

55: this one time a boyfriend of mine surprised me with a date where we drove all the way to one of his old home towns and he showed me around. he then took me to a dinosaur museum (which i love that shit so much) we walk through the entire thing and we got to the gift shop i went to the bathroom because it was like a 2-3 hour drive home and he bought me a stuffed T-rex and a cute keychain (i still have both)

56: 5 facts! I have a chubby tummy, long legs,a cute butt, thick thigs, pretty eyes, a cute smile and long/wild curly hair! and I’m very soft

57: I hope you realize that you turned out exactly like your father and you’re a pathological liar who deserves nothing more than whatever comes his way 

58: snacks! surprise adventures, cute snuggle days, HEAD RUBS!!! whispering cute things to me when I least expect it in public! 

59: Picture will be posted! 

60: If i remember correctly it was around 7 years 

61: their eyes and smile 

62: oh god honestly non sexual wise… run me a romantic bath. sexual wise…. we wont go there right now…

63: genitals touching other genitals? idk 

64: anything beyond joking flirtatiously tbh 

65: oh god whispering what they’re going to do to me. kissing down the neck and spine. those are just a few. 

66. Dominant and sub idk 

67: perfect date would probably be going out to a museum or aquarium and then going to a nice dinner 

68: straight 

69: I’m not really sure it varys 

70: Lots of things. whispering, slow kissing, touching 

71: ahaha this is akward my kinkiest wet dream was being tied up and dominated tbh 

73: just treat me like a princess for the day honestly 

74: some one who can lift me tbh 

75: sweetest thing was some one  brought me flowers to my work place and took me out for late night denny’s after a long anxious day. 

76: I guess making some one soup and cold remedies while they were sick 

77: as long as it’s legal and consensual then no biggie 

78: I almost was in a threesome once that was wild.

79: ah last time was some one got to hang out with a person i really wanted to hang out with but couldn’t because they’re too far away 

80: I tell my friends I love them at least once a day. so today technically. last time i said it and meant i was in love was at the beginning of the summer before my breakup 

81: Chris, dani, liam, hunter, and david  (only one of these ppl have a tumblr) 

82: my friend ash 

83: a guy named Jordan (he was my bestfriend in kindergarten)

84: distance was becoming too much for both of us

85: I mean technically I have (if you count online dating) but if not then yes probably 

thank you for asking!!!