#gonna have a bunch of surgeries coming might as well just add one more to the list.

[sciderman]

Oh no Sci! Are you okay?

i have a thingy in my peepee hole (and not in the fun way)

i've been through a lot this year.

[futures-tense]

We’ll Find Out What We’re Made Of

//~1.2k//tw: shooting mention, arson mention, spoilers for 4x13 of 911 and 2x12 of ls//

Buck needs to talk to someone. He wishes it could be Eddie. But, at the moment, his best friend is in surgery and all Buck can do is pace around his living room. Christopher isn’t home yet- he’s spending the day with Abuela and Pepa- leaving Buck at the mercy of the suffocating silence. He pulls out his phone and calls the first person who comes to mind, putting it on speaker and placing it on the coffee table.

“Buck, hey!” TK says. The excitement in his words are the exact opposite of what Buck’s feelings.

“Hey... Um, are-are you busy?”

“Lucky for you, Carlos is out and I’m on... a bit of a vacation. So no; what’s up?”

Buck lowers himself onto the couch. “Something... I just need a distraction.”

This time when TK speaks he seems a little further away which probably means he’s on speaker. “What happened?”

“Is someone else there?”

“Just me, Buck.”

Buck scrubs his hand over his eyes, lets out a breath. He doesn’t know why he’s telling TK this; they’ve only known each other a few months. But they’d talked almost every day since the wildfires and he trusted him- not as much as he trusted Eddie but close enough to-

“Eddie got shot.”

“What?”

“How’s Carlos?”

“He’s fine,” TK says vaguely. “Go back; Is Eddie okay? Are you okay?”

Buck tugs at a loose string of the hoodie Bobby had brought him at the hospital. He catches a glimpse of red caked at his cuticle and he thinks he might cry.

“Buck.”

“He’s... He’s in surgery. I dunno, I’m not family.”

“What about you?”

“I need a distraction,” he says matter of factly. “How are you? You moved into Carlos’s last month, right? How’s that been?”

“Good, good,” TK says, a little too quick but Buck looks past it. “Things have been...exciting.”

“Gross,” Buck teases and TK laughs.

“Not like that! Well, actually...”

“Anyway.”

Buck hears TK giggle softly. “You remember how I said that when we got Buttercup, he would only go after my stuff?”

“Mhm?”

“Yeah, he has a new victim.”

“Oh no.”

“Yup, he likes to chew on Carlos’s shoes now.” He sounds almost proud and Buck shakes his head.

“You must be so relieved,” he says sarcastically.

“It is cute to see my intimidating boyfriend pout about having to get rid of a shirt that was barely surviving anyway.” That makes Buck laugh and he instantly feels guilty. “I mean, we needed to buy him a bunch of new clothes anyway,” TK adds the last part under his breath, and Buck files it away to ask about later.

“Wait- so, your dad let you take Buttercup with you when you moved out?”

TK doesn’t say anything for a few moments and Buck almost has to make sure the call didn't fail.

“That’s- not exactly, no,” TK finally says.

Buck makes a face even though TK can’t see him. “Then how does Buttercup get Carlos’s stuff?”

“We are currently...living in my dad’s guest room...”

Buck freezes. “But you just- you moved into Carlos’s.”

“Yes, I did,” TK starts. “But then...it sort of...burned down...”

He lets that sink in just to make sure he heard that right. “Your house burned down.”

“Yes.”

“TK, you may be a paramedic now but you were also a firefighter,” he jokes. “You should know fire safety.”

“Okay, first of all,” TK says, a playful bitterness in his voice, “rude. Second, it...wasn’t exactly our fault.”

“What happened?”

TK doesn’t say anything for a while. Buck knows he still there though; he keeps hearing a soft sniff now and then.

“There, um... There was an arsonist- AFD’s arson investigator, actually. He... He got in somehow and-”

TK’s voice breaks and Buck sighs. “Everyone’s okay?”

TK lets out a watery, bitter laugh. “No, not remotely.” Buck hears him take a shaky breath. “Uh, everyone’s still pretty shaken up after the firehouse explosion-“

“Wait, what?”

“Oh yeah, the arsonist blew up the firehouse, too. And then everything with Carlos and me... Marjan’s been struggling too, but...”

“She’s Marjan?”

TK sighs. “It’s not fair. The stuff they’re saying. It’s- she was doing her job. There was nothing she could have done. And she’s not really talking to us about it. None of us know how to help.”

Buck thought of all the calls that hadn’t gone his way. “I get it. She just needed someone to blame.”

“I hate that it had to be Marjan.”

“Me too.”

“And Dad, he-“ TK scoffs. “God, Buck, everything is a mess; I’m not sure if I’m the best distraction right now.”

“Don’t worry about it, TK,” Buck says. “Sounds like I’m not the only one who needed to talk.”

“Yeah...” He sounds exhausted and Buck wishes he could do more.

“You’re still good with Mr. Perfect, right?”

TK lets out a laugh. “You’re still pining after Super Dad, right?”

Buck’s smile fades and TK curses on the other end, realizing his mistake without Buck’s help.

“Sorry, I-“

“It’s fine. You’re fine.”

They sit in silence for a while. “I think...” TK stops, evaluates, then starts again. “I think, you should tell him.”

“Remember what happened last time you told me that?”

TK thinks for a moment then gasps. “Oh my god, I forgot about her.”

Buck rolls his eyes. He pulls at that string again and the cuff of his sleeve tightens around his wrist.

“I haven’t told her. About Eddie.” Then something else hits him. “Oh my god...”

“What?”

“Chris...”

“He doesn’t know yet?” Buck covers his face and shakes his head. Almost like he can see him, TK makes a disapproving noise. “No, Buck, you have to tell him. That’s his dad, you need to tell him.”

“But does it have to be me?” Buck asks. “I don’t... I could- I could tell Ana and she could tell him.”

“Buck, he won’t want to hear it from her,” TK insists. “You know that; hell, I know that and I’ve never met either of them.”

Buck knew he was right but-

“I had to tell Eddie that I lost Chris in a tsunami.” TK doesn’t respond. “I stood there and I had to tell my best friend that his son was gone. I don’t... I don’t think I can do something like that again...”

“I know, Buck, I know, but-“ Buck hears a door open and TK mumbles something before continuing. “Buck, you have to tell him.”

“I will, I will,” he sighs. “I have to go pick him up soon anyway.”

“Hey, Buck?” He makes a face. That isn’t TK. “I’m so sorry but- can I steal TK?”

Buck smiles a little. “He’s your boyfriend, Carlos.”

“That is true,” Carlos says. “Babe, it’s the Vegas.”

There’s a weighted silence that Buck knows all too well.

“TK, I’m gonna go. Keep me updated.”

“Yeah, of course,” TK says, sounding distracted. “Just- Tell him. Both of them.”

Buck nods. “I know, I will.”

“Bye, Buck.”

TK is the first to hang up and Buck sits back against the couch, wondering how the fuck he’s going to explain all of this to Christopher.

[drunklander]

Drunj!Der Yells About Outlander

Thoughts on Ep. 512

Looking for a way to spend Mother’s Day? Well, we here at Outlander have the perfect idea! Celebrate with the women you love by watching us gang rape grannie!

This episode is like the perfect storm of everything that is wrong with Outlander. The cast and crew saying it’s their strongest episode yet when it’s basically artsy gang rape. The CYA trigger warnings when the story would have worked perfectly well without including yet another rape. The kool aid-drinking fans yelling at and acting holier than thou at the fans who rightfully call out the massive problem this show has with rape and assault. The fans yelling at other fans because It’S iN tHe BoOk so it has to be included. The fans yelling at other fans for wanting to follow the books but not wanting rape every 0.5 seconds. The fans yelling at other fans to fuck off if they don’t like the show. The women in the cast throwing out trigger warnings while the men are radio silent or wanting the gladiators to face the plague and fight for their own amusement. It literally has everything.

And I am tired.

I’ve been in this fandom for six years and have had quite a journey. From first discovering the show and immediately devouring the books. The honeymoon period where I could headcanon out all the problematic bits. The getting deep into the fandom nonsense. The getting out of the fandom nonsense. The judging the fandom nonsense because it’s funny and they’re all idiots. The getting sick of the fandom nonsense because it’s not even fun to judge the dummies anymore. The becoming more and more aware that it’s impossible to whistle past the problems in the books and the show. The sticking around, holding out hope things might turn around and the initial magic could be recaptured. And finally, the giving up.

The books are trash. The show is trash. There are a handful of good scenes in each which can be enjoyed on their own, but as a whole, holy shit this stuff is not good. (Seriously, I tried to do a Fiery Cross reread before the season started. I started like a year ago and am still only at Jocasta’s wedding because I just don’t care enough to actually get through it.)

Which brings us here. I am tired. I have already ranted and raged and yelled and swore and wrote far too many words about the gratuitous overuse of rape in the Outlanderverse. It fucking has its own tag for fuck’s sake.

So here’s a recap. And then I think I’m done looking at this show in detail. Not because the idiot fans insist on coming to my notes to tell me to fuck off if I don’t like the show. Not because the crew are condescending douchecanoes. Not because the author is a misogynist garbage heap. But because spending an hour of my time for a few weeks out of the year to write these things isn’t worth it. I did it for as long as I did because it took so little time. So why not? But yeah, it’s not even worth that tiny commitment anymore.

And to the people who I know will @ me about how no one was forcing me to stick around and I could have quit any time, yeah, no shit captain obvious, I know that. Fuck off already. I stuck around because I really liked the little corner of the fandom that I’d found. I made some awesome friends. Most of those friends have since quit the fandom. I’m really glad to have them in my life outside of this little corner of the internet. And it was a fun writing exercise. I don’t really like the show anymore, but I enjoyed building an argument about why I don’t like it and think it’s bad that has valid points behind it. Especially considering how blindly overly adoring a bunch of the fandom is about it. But now I think I’d rather consume Outlander content as pretty people in pretty period costumes in gifsets. Or like, on in the background but not really paying close attention. Why not quit altogether? Because to quote the great Ron Swanson (I’m halfway through a Parks rewatch and I just love that show a lot ok.), I can do what I want. And besides, there’s like a fucking library’s worth of fics that I haven’t read and have been meaning to. And I like the characters enough to want to keep reading about them in stories that are better than the canon. (Bless you fic writers, blesssss.)

So. Was this whole ramble self-indulgent and overly serious for a fucking TV show? Absofuckinglutely. But please see the aforementioned Swansonism.

Alright, fuckos. Let’s do this.

This is a Roberts brainchild, isn’t it. *checks credits* Yup. Knew it. This feels very much like a Roberts special. In that he is probs quite pleased with himself but like, it’s crap.

Yes, we ARE doing ANOTHER rape story! But look! It’s a disassociation montage! It’s the ‘60s, get it?! There are callbacks! An orange from the king in season 2! A vase from season 1! A rabbit from season 3! An amber-looking dragonfly! Jamie with the young hair spouting off book lines! ApPrEcIaTe MuH aRt! We are so good at finding new and creative ways to rape our characters! Fuck off, twatwaffle. You are the worst.

Like, does Roger feel left out at this point? He’s only been hanged. Literally everyone else has either been raped, been sexually assaulted, or been threatened with rape and/or sexual assault.

“But it’s not gratuitous! Look! They’re all so different! Jamie’s was overly graphic and he got a half a season to brood about! We manged to not show much of Fergus’ (but still showed a thrust) because he’s a child and it was just a plot device for Jamie and not actually about him! Mary’s was about Fred! Claire’s with the king was about Jamie! Jamie’s with Geneva was shot like p0rn! Marsali being threatened by the sailors was to motivate Fergus! Bree’s was about the other people in the room and Roger! Claire’s really has no purpose because she’s already been kidnapped and beaten, and that is super traumatic, and we’re gonna wrap it up with a bow by the end of the episode!”

This fucking show, guys. This fucking show.

Bonus points* for the Black character spouting off the superstitious stuff.

*By bonus points I mean this show, and the books are absolute shit on matters of race. The books especially.

The cast and crew have 100% heard everyone’s thoughts on the overuse of rape in the Outlanderverse. And their response has been to include more and more of it. We had a whole season of one character’s arc being about her rape and literally as soon as that was resolved, they gang rape another character. It really does tell you as much as you need to know about them. Lazy. Fucking. Cowards.

Kidnapping not enough trauma? Let’s add some gang rape! Gang rape not enough trauma? Let’s add visualizing that your daughter and grandchild are dead! Just like Fred died! This show really brings trauma p0rn to a whole new level.

Called the Bree and Roger shit.

This scene with the men rallying to go save Claire is like another layer of fuck you. Bree, you stay home, men, give your hero lines and let’s have a getting ready montage. Because your hero moment is what this is really all about. And your manpain about killing someone. *screams into a pillow*

The petty side of me is happy that it was Fergus and Young Ian who are with Claire when they find her and not Roger. Her two sons...

Why yes, I am judging all of the fans who like get their panties all wet over Jamie being like “It is I who kills for her.” Like “yeah go ahead and rape and beat Claire within an inch of her life if it means the big strong man gets to come in and save her and say something intense.” Fuck off and go take a hard look at yourself and what that says about you.

“Was there an Indian there?” “Nope, he wouldn’t help you because LiOnEl but somehow was able to peace out when it was in his interest. Because he is as bad as the ones who actually raped you.”

The Bree and Claire hug makes me both sad and angry. I want to hug them both and take them out of this fucking place and tell them that they’ve been done dirty and deserved fucking better from the writers.

Glad Marsali gets in on the hug. Claire’s two remaining daughters.

Claire’s “I have fucking survived” speech is like the one time she she actually talks about herself not in relation to a man. It’s about her. Claire. HOWEVER! It is epically fucked up that a woman needs to check off all the trauma she’s endured to show she’s a strong character.

So. Fucked. Up.

The fact that we’re spending time on Roger’s manpain about killing someone also really tells us a lot about the show’s feelings toward women. Yeah, killing someone is a big deal. It’s normal and expected to have feelings about it. But the juxtaposition of Claire’s speech about all of her traumas with Roger being like yeah, I killed a guy who had kidnapped, beaten and raped your mom is like, read the room, bro/writers.

The fact that the men put Claire’s rapist in her surgery, her space, her place of healing, where she is able to be most herself, makes me want to punch each and every one of them in the throat. Like seriously. Fuck each and every one of them.

Also Lionel is like cartoonishly terrible. Not that nuance has ever been this show’s strong suit. But like come the fuck on.

Marsali killing Lionel is the one thing about this episode that I didn’t hate. The men are all like “We kill for Claire! Let’s all rally in this montage and go do the manly thing of defending the woman!” Marsali is just like, yeah, that’s my Ma you fucked with. She shows some agency. She doesn’t do it in a performative way for the other men or for Claire like the guys do. She just knows this fuck needs to die, knows it’s gonna be hard for her and might damn her soul (don’t worry Marsali, all that religion crap is bullshit), and does it anyway.

Marsali’s arc has been my favorite of this whole fucking series. The one bright spot I was hanging on to all of this season especially.

Her quick scene with Jamie doesn’t bother me like Roger’s does. Because Roger is like oh no, I killed a guy! Can you forgive me? For killing a rapist? Like fuck off, bro. And Marsali is like yeah, I killed a guy. I hope I’m not damned for it, but the guy needed to die so I did it.

Also like, Richard had potential to not be cartoonishly bad. But like nope. “He reaped what he sowed, but cLeArLy I’m gonna need to escalate this further. Because manly men can’t let shit go.”

Fuck all men, tbh.

*googles how to emigrate to Themyscira*

Jamie’s speech that’s like supposed to parallel Claire’s can fuck all the way off. Giving him the last voice over just underscores how this was all about men. Not Claire. But the men. Fuuuuck everything.

Look! Everything’s fine again! Back to normal! Peaceful for a bit! With a cheesy af on the nose storm coming! So you know something bad’s coming! In case you forgot!

And Jamie got a book line. So it’s all good now.

And don’t worry about Claire, y’all. She feels safe now. Her and Jamie fucked it out.

It’s amazing, in retrospect, that I ever let this story suck me in so much.

Happy Mother’s Day! See you on the other side of the hiatus.

[despressolattes]

THE HEARTBREAK PRINCESS » CHAPTER ONE

THE HEARTBREAK PRINCESS MASTERLIST

ADD YOURSELF TO THE TAGLIST

Lorelai smacked into the royal blue matts, the cushions within them doing little to nothing to soften her fall. She huffed, her abdomen aching from the aftermath of a punch she hadn't blocked. The sound of her body colliding against the surface echoed throughout her training room of the Kastilyo.

She saw stars, but not from the blow. Instead, her eyes now faced the ceiling, the rose golden stars that adorned the top of the high walls in her view. She groaned as she sat up, rubbing her head comfortingly. Her vision moved itself from the stars and trim of the walls right before they met the ceiling, and could now see her own tousled state in the mirror in front of her. The wall parallel to the door was one giant mirror, adorned with the same opulent design as the top of the walls.

The Kastilyo was what the Kingdom of Estrelya called their castle. The original designers had been careful and thorough when creating the five story building fit for royals.

Amira stood in front of her, moving on the balls of her feet swiftly, maintaining her stance with her fists protectively placed in front of her chin. She watched as the princess leaned back onto the mat, letting her dark brown hair bunch up just above her shoulders as she laid there silently.

"Giving up already?" Amira questioned, dropping her stance when she got no response.

Instead, all she heard was heavy breathing as Lorelai caught her breath.

Amira stood there with her hands on her hips. "You're the one who asked for sparring sessions, Lor."

Lorelai let out a groan, pulling herself to sit up. She moved her hair out of her face, practically slicking it back from her sweat-stained forehead. She looked up at the royal guard in front of her, looking posed.

It was a year ago that Amira had made it to the official ranks, setting the record for the Kingdom of Estrelya 's youngest member of the Royal Guard. Standing at a heaping five-foot-one, she wasn't that much shorter than the princess laying in front of her.

Despite being a mere nineteen years old, she was acknowledged as one of the strongest guards in the kingdom. She had begun her apprenticeship at the age of fifteen, skipped the status of Official Guard, and went straight to Royal Guard at the age of eighteen. It wasn't long before she scaled the ranks once again, entering a special assignment as the Princess' personal guard and attendant.

Now, she was practically beating up the princess she swore to protect—all with good intentions, though. Lorelai had requested private sparring sessions with Amira.

Amira turned to grab a water bottle from its spot near the mirror. As she stood up facing the mirror, she fixed her silken maroon hijab that was on her head.

Lorelai sat there, wondering how Amira managed to look flawless after a sparring match whilst her own hair was frizzy and untamed. Instead of answering Amira's question, she let out the one thing that had been on her mind the entire time they spared.

"I think Mom's still upset with me," Lorelai sighed, huffing breaths in and out.

"What for?" Amira asked her, turning around and taking a seat across from Lorelai on the mats.

"She had Taylor introduce me to a few more suitable candidates," the words fell off her lips mockingly, mimicking the posh accent the Royal Secretary had when she spoke. "And in person this time! I told them all it was nice to meet them, but I wasn't interested."

Amira chuckled.

"You know she's not going to give up trying to introduce you to a nice boy," Amira sighed. "Might as well humor her, let just one court you before rejecting them."

"Why get their hopes up?"

Amira bit her lip and gave her a defeated look, knowing that Lorelai had a point there. She pressed on the floor and stood up. "I'm gonna go shower if you're done for the day. Princess Daniella and Princess Kavina are supposed to be arriving today."

Lorelai gave her two thumbs up before allowing her body to fall backwards once again. Amira chuckled as she walked out of the room. Lorelai stared at the ceiling of the training room, attempting to catch her breath as she contemplated her ancestry.

"That's a good idea," Lorelai whispered to herself, pushing herself off from the ground yet again. "If I stay in all of this sweat, my eczema is gonna scream at me for it later."

Not to mention my friends are arriving soon.

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

Lorelai glanced at herself in the full body mirror that hung from her walls, not flat against it as her room was built in a circle, with a cone roof. She believed her tower-like room might have been one of the few things that made her feel like those damsel in distress princesses from a fairytale—the way it felt like she was in some tower. Only she wasn't the one who was locked away, kept hidden from the outside world. No, not her. She swayed side to side, fumbling with the satin material of her brown sundress.

The loud sound she heard next was one she found hard to describe. It wasn't as if the word "shimmer" made a sound, but it was the only adjective that clouded her mind when she heard it. A loud, echoing, shimmer that would ring throughout the Kastilyo.

The sound of the Estrelya Portal Dock being in use. There were six Royal Portal Docks in their land—one in each of the six kingdoms. To use, however, the receiving portal would have to have its Master Key inserted and turned to the correct number on the portal's dial that corresponded with the portal that was dispatching.

The Estrelya Portal Dock was 1.

Royal Portal Docks weren't the only form of Portal Docks that existed. Smaller versions of them existed that could only be used for small distances within kingdoms, able to move from city to city, or from different neighborhoods. Because of its short range, they didn't need a Master Key to operate.

Excitedly, she skipped over to one of her many windows, pulling back its heavy curtains to look up at the bright azure sky. Her bedroom, thanks to its tower-like structure and position on the fifth and final floor, gave her a 360-degree view of the Kastilyo's surroundings. A faint pink light shot up into the sky from just past the gardens in the back of the Kastilyo—another indicator that the portal's Master Key had been inserted.

She ran out of her room quickly, breaking out into a slow jog. She descended the small spiral set of steps that had led up to her bedroom door, but she paused at the last step. There, at the end of the royal quarter's hallway right before her bedroom hung a large portrait that was just a bit bigger than a door.

Her eyes scanned over the painted portrait. They roamed over a familiar pair of golden eyes that was so evidently not those of a human's. The man, if they could really call him that, had sharp and long pupils that could only resemble a cat. Despite his young facial features, he had long, white hair, and he was standing straight up with a beaming smile on his face. He was in front of the Kastilyo, it's exterior unmistakable. He was clad in a black robe with rose gold hems, signature to Estrelya. That painting had been in the castle for eons, a reminder of the era when magic still roamed the land. The Mage of Estrelya, as history would come to know him, a hero in history books that became more of a folklore than anything else. It was hard to believe in something people couldn't see. But for her, staring at the portrait made Lorelai feel a deep sense of connection, as if there was some personal bond between her and the one depicted

Despite being talked about in books and in school, aspects of him became more of a folklore. People found it hard to believe in the things he had done. It was hard to believe in something that one couldn't see—but the Portal Docks were standing proof that magic once roamed. The last remnant of it. The sole reminder.

There was no longer street entertainment from Mages filling up festivals and events, there was no more barrier surrounding castles, there were no longer magical potions to help with ailments and surgeries. There was no Mages helping with military efforts, helping with construction—there were no Mages. All because of built up prejudice and a mindset that they had an unfair advantage in life. All because some man in power liked being the one to hold it.

She walked towards it, clenching her fists tight, feeling a slight pain in her palm as her long nails dug into them. She stopped right in front of it, letting her fingers trail down the carved wooden frame around the canvas portrait.

Do I have time to go and... she wondered.

"Lorelai."

Snapping her head around, her entire body turned to face the voice. Amira stood at the end of the hallway in a new outfit from the one she wore during training. She wore the uniform of a Royal Guard in the royal colors of the Kingdom of Estrelya: black and rose gold, with an embroidered rose gold star on the biceps of her long sleeves. The star on her biceps had twelve points with a frilly design, six of the points pointed straight and six curved in a wave matter, and it was known as the royal symbol, or the Estrelya Star.

The broach that fastened the top of her shirt signified her ranking by what kind of star she had.

There were four guard rankings at the Kastilyo. A three pointed star symbolized an apprentice. A five pointed star was an official guard. A ten pointed star, similar to the royal symbol but with straight points, five longer and five smaller meant it was a member of the Royal Guard. Almost the same as the star for the Royal Guard, Special Assignment Royal Guards had one small adjustment in their broaches: a sword would pierce through the star.

Amira proudly wore the highest of the stars on her broach.

The hijab upon her head was black with rose gold trimmings as well, everything about her outfit screaming professional and elite. Amira looked badass in her uniform, and Lorelai was never quite able to get over how in awe she always was with her.

She pushed her glasses up on the bridge of her nose and said, "Callen's arriving."

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

They walked briskly down the Glass Corridor, which was located at the very end of the west wing of the Kastilyo's second floor. It stretched from both ends of the front and back of the Kastilyo. Since it jutted out further than the main walls of the house, it had a small ceiling that was also made of glass.

From the Glass Corridor, Lorelai was able to see the Estrelya Portal Dock. It was built large enough to look like a door to nowhere when it wasn't on. Painted black with rose gold hems and frills, it also had a small ottoman sized control panel right next to it. On that panel was a circle dial that ranged from numbers 2-6 with a slot in the middle of the golden Master Key. Now that the key was inserted, the portal no longer looked like a door to nowhere. Instead, a pink glow formed inside of its empty space and shot up into the sky, fading the further up it went. The entire dock was on a white circular platform that had five small steps leading up to it.

Getting to the courtyard, the two briskly walked from the courtyard, out to the garden, around the side of the castle towards the Portal Dock. Lorelai couldn't help but notice how official everything felt—and yet there she was, in a simple brown sundress.

Guards lined up by the portal, her parents already waiting at the end of the string of guards, her mother's right hand woman, and a few other members of the royal cabinet. Sakura Icis, the Head of the Royal Guard and Chief Advisor to the Crown, stood at the end of the string of guards, closest to Queen Amor herself.

Queen Amor and King Jeune Bituin were clad in royal attire. Queen Amor in a rose gold dress with black lace and flourished hemlines, her crown sitting upon her curled black hair. King Jeune in a black long sleeve shirt and slacks with a rose gold tailcoat over the ensemble, his own crown upon his gelled back black hair.

Gorgeous and poised, like always, Lorelai believed. She saw the way the sunlight hit her parents' crowns, the reflection almost blinding. The King and Queen were truly breathtaking in every way to Lorelai.

As Lorelai looked around at those who had gathered, she realized she was the only one not formally dressed. She tried to reassure herself that there was no reason to have gotten all dolled up just to greet her childhood friends at the portal, but there was no mistaking that she stood out like a sore thumb.

A few aides materialized first, carrying suitcases with the Kingdom of Callen's royal emblem on them: a pastel purple colored outline of a mountain with what is meant to be a laelia orchid growing on top of it. The mountain represented the Callen Mountain, which their castle was built upon. The entire emblem was encircled in a thin, pastel purple line.

The first of the royal family to materialize out of the portal was Princess Daniella Laelia. The smile on Lorelai's face widened, as did her eyes, as she looked at the princess. Daniella had been one of her best friends all her life, but standing before her, Daniella looked almost completely different.

Her typically long blonde hair was now colored a dark blue. Her attire made Lorelai feel less out of place, as she was dressed in a pair of sweatpants and a hoodie, obviously not caring much for appearances. All she had to do was walk through a door, for crying out loud.

She threw up a peace sign with her fingers upon seeing Lorelai, making her way down the stairway to embrace her friend.

"Oh, my! Your hair!" exclaimed Lorelai, reaching to touch it. As she moved it, she realized she also had an undercut. "Damn! Your hair!"

Daniella laughed, motioning to the portal with her head as she said, "They're not exactly happy about it since it's 'right before the Ball,' but I really couldn't care less."

The Three Queens' Ball, an event held once every decade in honor of the alliance formed between Estrelya , Callen, and Chandrama, signed into place by three queens eons ago: Minorin of Estrelya, Azalea of Callen, and Riya of Chandrama.

It was the Kingdom of Estrelya's turn to host it at the Kastilyo, though the other two kingdoms were planned to arrive early enough to help with the arrangements.

The princesses and prince had been small children during the last time the Ball occurred; though, the only thing that seven year old Lorelai really remembered from the event was that it was long, loud, there was lots of food, and lots of traffic in the capital city.

The Ball itself was a national holiday in all three Kingdoms. For those who were able to make the journey to the host kingdom were able to attend, admittance free to all of their citizens. Local business owners were even able to request petitions to open booths along the passageway leading to the castles. The Ball always left the castle cities bustling with tourists, traffic filled streets, and every form of lodging fully booked. Despite the actual ball only being a day event, the month before and after was full of celebration. Those who traveled far made vacations out of the Holiday, so the castle cities stayed busy for quite some time.

Daniella linked an arm around Lorelai's, and turned to face the portal, watching as everyone else came out.

Out came Queen Adalaide and King Barry Laelia, walking down the steps hand in hand, King Barry slightly ahead of Queen Adalaide, helping her on their way down. Like Lorelai's parents, they were clad in their royal outfits, almost identical to Amor and Jeune's, but instead, in the lavender and silver of their own kingdoms.

Like her daughter—or at least until yesterday— Queen Adalaide had light blonde hair, while her husband's was a dark brown; it could be mistaken for black depending on the lighting. Standing next to each other, they looked as if they were day and night.

Lorelai couldn't help but think about how beautiful they were together.

The guards in the line had bowed down their heads for them as they walked over, and Amor stepped forward with a smile, arms open to embrace Adalaide. King Barry and Lorelai's own father stood off to the side with one another, pleasant smiles on their faces as they spoke in soft tones together.

"Thanks for the help, Dani," grumbled a voice from the top of the dock.

Attentions moved to the last person to exit the portal—the crowned prince himself, Elijah Laelia. He was a stark contrast to his baby sister in the same way their father contrasted their mother. His hair was short and black with onyx eyes, which put him aside from his sister and parents who all bore grey-blue ones.

The only similarity between the two siblings was their complexions: both of a light, warm beige. They didn't look like one another around the face, either. Elijah had inherited their father's high cheekbones with a rounded face, while Daniella's was more sculpted like their mother's.

He was clad in a black button up shirt with lavender buttons, unbuttoned to reveal a silver silky undershirt. His family's symbol was embroidered on the pocket over his right chest.

It didn't go unnoticed to Lorelai that Elijah tended to tie in his kingdom's royal colors into all of his outfits even when he wasn't dressed up, from the silver to the lavender in his attire, to the embroidery on his pocket. It was so very formal of him for a nineteen year old.

Lorelai almost never wore her family's royal colors outside of official events and meetings, despite how much she liked the colors black and rose gold together. Nor did she have the Kingdom of Estrelya's rose gold star embroidered on any of her casual clothes.

But she knew that in Elijah's defense, not that she would ever come to his defense, that this was just an example of how he oftentimes tried too hard to appear to be a perfect prince.

Elijah was carrying a few bags left behind by the aides when they descended the steps. The way he was glaring at his sister, one could only presume it was her bags.

"What a gentleman," Daniella teased him, staying stuck in her spot as Elijah wobbled down the stairs and across the path towards them. "Thanks, Eli."

He put them down with a huff and rolled his eyes. He merely nodded his head in Lorelai's direction, and the Princess responded in the same manner. Without exchanging any words with one another, Elijah's attention refocused on the two kings, making his way from the Princesses towards their fathers.

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

The arrival of the royals from the Kingdom of Chandrama happened only a few moments after Callen's. Their arrival was almost identical, with the only difference being the emblem on their suitcases. It showcased a golden full moon, which had white craters worked into its design, and a frilly letter C in the middle in white.

Lorelai and Amira had been ordered by Queen Amor to go to the kitchen and see if the meals being prepared were ready, and to meet in the garden for lunch. Lorelai had been disappointed that she had to miss the arrival of the crowned princess of Chandrama, and the last member of her Princess Trio: Kavina Chandra.

"The meal?" Prim Keirnan glanced behind herself. The Royal Chef, with her unruly red hair that was up attempting to stay in its hairnet, stopped paying attention to the steak she was searing in front of her. "I already had it sent to the garden dining table, love!"

"Oh, alright, thank you!" Lorelai smiled, turning abruptly on her heels, Amira in tow.

She glanced down at her dress and back to Amira's guard attire, a frown forming on her lips.

"Amira," Lorelai called, snapping her head in her guard's direction.

"Lorelai?" she responded, raising an eyebrow up at her.

"Am I underdressed?" Lorelai questioned, grabbing fistfulls of her dress and then letting it fall back down into place.

"As the crown princess of Estrelya greeting two allied kingdoms? Yes," nodded Amira, and Lorelai cringed. Then, she added, "But as a teenage girl waiting for her friends to come over? Nah." There was a small pause, in which Lorelai smiled at the response. "If only you could be a mere teenage girl."

Lorelai frowned again and used her elbow to softly nudge Amira, sticking her tongue out at her.

The two of them made their way to the second floor of the Kastilyo, well on their way to the exit out to the courtyard and garden. Their strides were quick paced, the clicks of their shoes echoing against whatever fancy material the Kastilyo floors were made of.

The two made it to the top of the staircase, reentering the Glass Corridor section of the large castle.

"Hey, Heartbreak Princess! Amira!"

The voice came from the other end of the Glass Corridor, and the two of them halted. They stared at the newcomer, waiting for them as they approached.

Actually, Amira stared at them, but Lorelai shot an icy glare in their direction, crossing her arms over her chest at the sound of a nickname that she found ridiculous. She wasn't a heartbreaker.

Amira bowed her head in respect, and Lorelai tore her attention away.

"Prince," Amira greeted, pulling her head back up.

"Elijah," Lorelai acknowledged him, but she didn't turn her head back in his direction.

Elijah looked away as well, and a stagnant silence fell over them.

Amira glanced between the two of them, letting out an undetectable sigh when she realized the two of them rather stare than say something.

"Heading to the garden, Prince Elijah?" Amira questioned him.

"Yes, ma'am," he responded with a nod.

"Good, you can accompany us," Amira said with a smirk, ignoring the glare Lorelai was shooting her. "Chef Prim said the food was already brought out."

"Wonderful," Elijah said politely.

The three of them resumed their walk, exiting the Glass Corridor and entering the same hallway that connected to the grand entrance and the entrance to the courtyard. They were met with the romantic architecture of the Kastilyo, with rose gold curtains and long, frilly windows with white gold trims, a white paint coating the interior. There were chandeliers hanging from the ceiling every few feet.

Outside of the grand entrance, which had been left open with guards standing on both sides, inside and outside, they could hear murmuring and see the flashing flight of cameras. Lorelai glanced at Elijah, who already had his eyes on her.

"Should we?" he asked, turning his head towards the door, as if to point at it.

She wasn't surprised with the change in atmosphere. She oftentimes let Elijah's attitude towards her dictate the attitude she would give back. He had his moments where he acted like one of her closest friends, but there were other days where he hardly even looked in her direction. She willing danced to his beat, though, deciding just going with it was easier than questioning why he did the things he did.

Like why did he insist of dressing the way he did? Why did he insist on talking so proper even if they were in a casual setting? Why did he insist on never dropping his guard?

"Might as well," she shrugged, a small smile on her face as she spoke.

Amira watched from behind as the prince and princess stepped into the opening of the Kastilyo's door, and just like that, the voices intensified into enthusiastic shouts.

There was a small group, likely tourists, standing outside of the gates, more guards stationed in front to keep people from attempting to enter or scale the fences. Still, there were people who liked to take photos in front of the Kastilyo, and others who kept up with the royal news and knew that the Callen and Chandrama royalty would be teleporting in. Most of them had probably seen the pink lights anyways.

Despite being behind a gate that was at the end of a path, they could make out the faces of the prince and princess.

As they were taught to, the pair stepped a few steps past the entrance and onto the entry steps, their best smiles plastered on their faces. Elijah bowed while Lorelai curtsied, the two of them waving before retreating back into the Kastilyo. The crowd cheered as they snapped photos of the two royals.

"We'll be getting more of that than usual this month," Elijah stated, smoothing out his shirt as they walked further through the main hallway, making a right at the entryway that led to the courtyard.

"Ah yes, your fangirls will be lined up outside the walls of my house like they always do during your visits," Lorelai teased him, falling out of her standoffish attitude from the staircase and right into her playful banner.

"At least I'm not breaking hearts left and right, hm, Heartbreak Princess?"

There was the nickname again. Elijah had given it to her when she was fifteen and he was seventeen after witnessing her reject the son of some aristocrat who had found themselves invited to Daniella's fifteenth birthday party over in Callen.

"Oh please, no one should be heartbroken over me not being interested."

"You'd be surprised," Elijah muttered in a whisper.

Lorelai snapped her head in his direction, sure he had said something but hadn't caught it.

Louder, he added, "You know how many girls in the kingdom would kill to be in your position, Lor?" Lor? "Constantly getting asked on dates by cute men—"

"If you think they're so cute, why don't you ask them out, Prince?" Amira cut him off, her tone monotonous even if she was poking fun at him.

Lorelai's hand went up to her mouth in an attempt to stifle a laugh, but she failed miserably. Elijah's cheeks heated up as he glared over at the guard, but he couldn't get mad at her. He, like the princesses, had formed a friendship with Amira over her years of employment at the castle, especially since the two of them were the same age.

"Back to what I was saying," Elijah grumbled, crossing his arms over his chest, choosing to ignore Amira's comment. "You get asked out all the time, and you get to hang out with me. You're living the dream life for most girls in our kingdoms."

Amira scoffed out a laugh before covering her mouth, better than the Princess at silencing her humor. Lorelai just looked at him as if he said the most ridiculous thing ever, her mouth ajar but lips curled up in a smile.

"You're unbelievable!" Lorelai chuckled, shaking her head. "Most girls in our kingdoms may have a little crush on you, but your ego is why you're single."

"Or because I choose to be."

"Oh, so you're lecturing me about rejecting people, yet claim to be rejecting most girls in our kingdoms?" she mocked him, using air quotes about the words he spoke. "Are you sure you're not the Heartbreak Prince?"

"Shut up."

"That's what I thought."

They made it across the courtyard towards the entrance to the gardens. Tropical plants entered their view, and the sound of a miniature waterfall pouring water into a small pond somewhere thin the greenery could be heard from all around.

Their banter ended as they got to the dining tables that were out in the garden. Enough tables and chairs were set up to seat not only the royal families, but their attendants that had arrived, and Estrelya 's royal cabinet as well. Upon the tables were white table clothes and trays of appetizers, made for a nice light lunch. Kavina was sitting with Daniella at a table with three seats available.

Lorelai squealed at the sight of her friend—and mentally sighed in relief when she saw that even Kavina hadn't dressed up, wearing a dark green shirt that complimented her darker complexion and ripped loose jeans, her wavy hair up in a bun. She ran over, hugging the other princess.

Amira and Elijah looked at each other at the sight in front of them before shaking their heads and heading over to take the other two free seats. Lorelai couldn't help but smile, excited for the planning and preparing for the Ball that would be approaching, and for the time she'd be able to spend as a mere teenage girl with her friends.

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

A/N: welcome to book one of the original series I've been working on for the past year! I currently have 10 of the chapters written, but I want to know your guys' thoughts before bringing in the rest of the chapters I have ready!

also available on my wattpad

general works taglist:

@yaskna @mariishat @misssugarless @drarrylov3r @luluwiie@laudthingcat @walecznypisarz @bubblywriter0 @superhermit@chloflower-blog @dummies-world

[dailyaudiobible]

04/27/2021 DAb Transcript

Judges 7:1-8:17, Luke 23:13-43, Psalms 97:1-98:9, Proverbs 14:7-8

Today is the 27th day of April welcome to the Daily Audio Bible I'm Brian it is great to be here with you today a little later than usual. Now for…most everybody's probably not going to notice that this is a little bit late but those of you in the UK for sure will and those of you early risers on the East Coast will. We’re in the 4 o'clock hour this morning and we've been up all night. We’re late a little bit because…well…China went into labor and she's been in labor all the way around the clock and she has successfully delivered a baby girl that is pretty much as all newborns are, perfect. And once we knew for sure she was in labor and was going to give birth at some point in the night then we’ve been waiting to make this announcement. So, China has had her baby daughter, our granddaughter. I don't know the weight yet or the length yet. She was born at 4:14 this morning. And we’re gonna have this news out within the hour, the hour of her birth. So, we’ve been…we’ve been keeping vigil. Jill has been with China the whole way here as has Ben of course. And they have decided to name this little girl Reagan Brave Brown and she is a brave little daughter of the king. She's our little Reagan the Brave and everybody is safe and sound and exhausted and a full of adrenaline and I haven’t even had a cup of coffee yet. I think there’s water boiling in the background here. Just trying to be able to make this announcement. So, I'm sure before the days out we’ll have pictures posted and the details given. But there’s a new daily audio baby and her name is Reagan and she's eating and she’s sleeping, and we haven't even…she hasn’t even been weighed yet, but we didn’t want to wait a whole day to tell everybody. So, this is the good news. All is well, the baby has been born, everyone is safe. And, so, let's…let's now do what we have come here to do and read the Scriptures. And today we read in honor of Reagan the Brave who was born April 27, 2021. Okay. So, yesterday we were introduced to a man named Gideon in the Old Testament in the book of Judges. Gideon becomes one of the judges of Israel and we will continue with his story today. We’re reading from the Good News Translation this week. Judges 7:1 through 8:17.

Commentary:

Okay. So, today in the book of Judges the…the battle for which Gideon was called that was waged today. Although Gideon for his part, he had an army of 32,000 people but ended up confronting the enemy with only 300 people as God whittled down the army so that basically so that Gideon's early on question could be answered. Gideon early on in this story was asking the angel of the Lord, “where is this mighty God that did things that we've heard of from our ancestors, the great things of old?” God was inviting Gideon into one of those stories. And, so, a 300-person army confronted essentially three different armies who had banded together to raid and pillage and destroy. And it's interesting to see Gideon's confidence grow. At first, he’s like, “where is the God that did great things”, right? And then it…it went to, “Oh, the God who did great things is right here in front of me and I have borne witness to this. Am I gonna die?” It went from that to, “if you are truly calling me will you just give me confidence through this sign with dew? Can there be dew on this cloth, but not on the ground?” And then he did it the next day. “Can there be due on the ground but not on this cloth?” After that we don't really see Gideon confused anymore about who he’s following so when this 32,000-person army gets whittled down to 300 Gideon remains confident in the Lord. And let's be honest, 32,000 people, that’s a lot of people. If you’re going confront another army that's a lot of people depending on how many people they've got. But if they have an army that’s like covering the ground like locusts and their camels are as many as the sands on the seashore, that's all a lot of people. So, 300 looks more like a suicide mission than a confrontation with an enemy army. But the Lord had come before them and actually did what He said He was going to do, and the Israelites were set free. We’re not done with Gideon's story. There’s actually a dark chapter in the story to come before us, but it gives us a real sense of the times, times of the judges. So, the tribes of Israel have settled. This is a tribal time. They are tribes of Israel. And as we began the book of Judges, we were told that everyone was doing what they…whatever they thought was right in their own eyes. And we’ll get some glimpses of the different things that that can look like as we continue the journey through the book of Judges.

In the book of Luke today for the third time this year we have encountered the story of Jesus death. This, His trial and execution. And today we read of His crucifixion and that He hung there in agony and…and took more and more verbal abuse, even as He was dying. And in the face of that He displayed forgiveness, which…which really is the centerpiece isn’t it, that God would forgive us and welcome us into his family. And I know, we…we…we celebrated Easter just a few weeks ago. So, this is reasonably fresh in our mind. And we might even think, “yeh. We just made a big to do of that just a couple weeks ago when we were moving through holy week and celebrating Easter. There's just never a wrong time to meditate upon this though, to consider what kind of love we’re talking about because that's the kind of love that can change the world, that's the kind of love that conquers all according to the Scriptures. So, it's important that we give some time today to just meditate upon the sacrifice of Jesus. We will…well…I mean we…we’ve read through that story, that part of the story three times now - Matthew Mark and Luke - and these are the synoptic Gospels. We only have one gospel left after this, the gospel of John. We will only encounter this story one more time during this year. And, so, it's always important to just slow things down and become very grateful for what we have because we have been rescued.

Prayer:

Jesus is impossible to use words whether there roughly hewn or whether there just beautifully ornate words. There are no words that actually can add up to the description of what You've done for us. And, so, it would be maybe easier for us to just stay here in silence just in attitude that is grateful from the bottom of our hearts. And we plan to do today, just spend some time thinking this through and being in a space of gratitude and silence before You, thanking You, thanking You, knowing that our words fall short. And, so, we stand before You silent, not because we can’t find words to say but because this is the most honest thing we can do, present ourselves before You without a bunch of explanation. We are here and we are here because You saved us, and we are grateful, and we are expressing that. And, so, come Holy Spirit into this we pray. In the name of Jesus, we ask. Amen.

Announcements:

dailyaudiobible.com is home base, it’s the website, its where you find out what's going on around here.

What’s going on around here right now is Reagan's birth and we will work to get pictures, all…all of that. We’re like really delirious, kind of right now we’re really focused on what we’re doing and one foot in front of the other. That's kinda how it gets when there's a severe lack of sleep going on but we’ll definitely…we’ll deftly get the word out on social media as soon as…as soon as China says we can. And we’ve had a running…how long…how long will this baby be, what will this baby's birthday be, what will the baby weigh…in our family for a long time…so we don't even know who’s going to win that one. We’ll post that stuff too as soon as we…as soon as we know. But we couldn’t wait any longer, wanted to get the news out and literally you’re hearing this within the hour of her birth. So, thank you for your prayers over everything that goes into bringing a new baby into the world over this little family, over her mommy and her healing, over this little girl who has had to trust and be thrust into a whole new existence that she’s never known before. And she's been experiencing it for less than an hour, so she's safe with her mommy and she knows that, and she knows the voice of her father. And this is a good place to start. So, thank you for your prayers.

That's it for today. I’m Brian I love you and I'll be waiting for you here tomorrow.

Community Prayer and Praise:

Hi this is Jackie from Oregon I called to pray for Honeybee from Louisiana who's had twenty eye surgeries. I feel in my spirit the need to pray for you. Just talking on this podcast, I know God has a way of healing. I know it's come to a place where that's your only option and I really pray very hard for you in the name of Jesus that this eye be completely healed and restored. I know Jesus can do it. I know it's up to him. And I pray for that to happen. Thank you.

Hey, this call is for honeybee from Louisiana. Your call played today Thursday April 22nd and right away you caught my attention honeybee because my name is Melissa and that means honeybee. And, so, I have another friend who is also named Melissa and we call each other honeybee. So, right away you had my attention. But just listening to your request for your eyes for your site for the multiple surgeries you've endured and just the difficult spot you're at, I just want you to know that I…I’m praying for you now and I will continue to pray for you as the Holy Spirit brings you to my mind. And I'm just praying for God to do a miracle. I just kept thinking of the story of Jesus healing the blind men, how He just did it in different ways. You know, all the stories of the blind men healed in the Bible, they’re done differently. And He heals differently but He does heal. He's got the power to do that. And while you're waiting for that healing, I'm just praying for the peace of the Holy Spirit to surround you and encourage you. Be encouraged and blessed my sister, my fellow honeybee.

Hello Daily Audio Bible family this is Tony the truck driver. I haven't called in in probably two or three years, but I still listen every day and support in partnership with the DAB. And today I just called with a heavy heart. One of my fellow truck drivers at my job was tragically killed today. Just pumping fuel in his truck, a guy came and just shot him for no reason and then took his own life. His name was Raymond Ramirez. He’s from Allentown PA. He leaves behind a wife and three young children. So, I’ve just been in prayer for him and his family…for his family all day. Everybody at the job has a heavy heart. So, I’m just asking you family to pray for his family. Just pray for the peace that Christ can give him…give his family Lord and that they would…He would just be with him, be with their family in this time, that they would have the peace that surpasses all understanding our Lord and saver can give. Thank you, family. Love you. Still listening. I'm definitely gonna try to call more often. Blind Tony I heard you one day still talk…shouting out me and my son AJ. He's doing great. He's actually gonna be 20 in a week or so. So, thank you for all you guys prayers. I'll be talking to you. God bless.

Hi, Olivia this is Dawn Rising in Michigan. I'm so glad you're in our community now and I just wanted to pray for you in your situation. I know it can be very confusing when you love somebody. You wanted to hear from people. So, I took that as an open invitation to give my opinion. I too was in an unequally yoked relationship for three years and I loved the person, but God gave me the foresight to be able to think of ahead of my current situation and how I wanted to raise my children and it didn't match up with the person that I was with. So, you know, if you want to look forward into your life and see how your life goals and how God's will for you could be obtained with the current person. So, just take a look at that and if, you know, and look into his heart and if there's room for change, but don't yoke yourself to somebody, you know, that will not want to change because it will be forever an uphill battle. And, you know, it'll be like the idols in…with the Canaanites. You'll be tempted to sway his way unfortunately. So, anyway, praying for you my friend and it's…it's not easy and I…I don't envy your situation because I've been in it. Anyway, we love you. We’ll pray for you.

Hi guys my name is Kimmy I'm calling in because Olivia from New Mexico, I'm sorry if I did not pronounce that right, your ask for prayer really, really spoke to me as my best friend of two…just broke up with her boyfriend of two years because they were unequally yoked. And, so, your stories were similar, and I just wanted to encourage you to continue to pursue the Lord and just pray, be in constant prayer to know what to do. But I wanted to encourage you with the words that my best friend had spoken to me was that she broke up with her boyfriend not out of a lack of love for him but out of a greater love for the Lord. And, so, whatever the will of the Lord is, I think being open and willing to hear it and to obey it is really important and I'll be praying for you no matter what the Lord…no matter what you decide to do. But I wanted to read to you Philippians 3 versus 7 through 11 which says, “but whatever gain I had I counted as loss for the sake of Christ. Indeed, I count everything as lost because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord. For His sake I have suffered the loss of all things and count them as rubbish in order that I may gain Christ and be found in Him, not having a righteousness of my own that comes from the law but that which comes through faith in Christ, the righteousness from God that depends on faith, that I may know Him and the power of His resurrection and may share His sufferings becoming like Him __ that by any means possible I may obtain the resurrection from the dead. I hope this has been an encouragement. And yeah, just keep pursuing the Lord. Be in constant prayer to know what to do because He's right there with you and He holds your heart in His hands and I’m praying for you.

Hi, I'm Ethan from Indiana and I just wanted to say thank you guys for doing this. And it really helps me because I can listen to the Bible while I'm in the shower or something like that and I can listen to the word of God. Thank you for everything. And I just pray that you guys are…have a blessed life and I pray that you guys have great days while you guys are in...

[captainjanegay]

hey kasia! so, i read your post saying that you’re still not feeling well and that you might have an ear infection now 🥺 i’m so sorry honey! no one deserves that, but especially not an angel like you 🥺❤️ and as someone who had to get surgery to prevent the seemingly infinite amount of ear infections i got when i was little, i know how painful and annoying they can be! 😣 so with that on top of an awful cough (do you know what it is?) for two and a half weeks, that is the absolute worst. please know that i’m sending you all my love and well wishes to hope that you start to feel better soon! by the way, it’s been a long time since i’ve had an ear infection but if i remember correctly laying my painful ear on a heating pad really helps!

also p.s. when i was writing “an angel” i accidentally typed “a bagel” 😂 you in fact are not a bagel but the sweetest angel ever

but anyway— i just wanted to send you this nice little message to say a few things to hopefully improve your day 🥰 i’m gonna try to be concise but we’ll see what happens. i did this for @babyyhoneyydarling yesterday and it got long 🤦🏼‍♀️ but let me get started!

ok so first of all i know i say these things a whole bunch but i promise you right now, i mean them with my entire heart. kasia, you are hands-down one of the SWEETEST and most kindhearted people i’ve ever met. seriously? i don’t deserve you. at all! i’ll get a random ask from you and it makes my entire day so much more worth it 🥺💕 the care you’ve shown me and the other friends you have on here just makes me so happy. there isn’t enough love in this world spread around, but you make it better ☺️ you radiate sunshine energy all the time, even when i know you aren’t doing the best personally. and that takes a whole lot! i appreciate that you show us all love and support every single day— it’s hard to appreciate ourselves sometimes, so getting that from someone who we care about means the whole world!! you’ve made me feel better on the days that i’m at my lowest 🥺 and not only are you the most wonderful person ever, but your writing talent? i don’t even know where to begin. like i’ve said before, i have a tough time reading anything, so when i find a book or fic i can read, i am so grateful! and your fics that i’ve had the pleasure of reading do just that ❤️ just everything about them is perfect in my opinion— you come up with such interesting storylines that i could never even DREAM of! i know you aren’t always super confident in your work but i assure you, they truly are works of art. you deserve every single note they get, and endless support!! 😘 also i just wanted to add in quickly that i am SO proud of you for being able to write every day— it’s not something that all of us can do, so even if it’s not “great” quality, just getting your ideas and feelings out onto “paper” is the important thing. i also wanted to add in that i absolutely love your little writing games that you do 🥰 you are so creative with your 3-sentence ones and i seriously don’t know how you do it on the spot like that!! i take weeks to come up with stuff 😅🤦🏼‍♀️ speaking of games, i just want to say that i’ve loved getting the ability to know you through your blog. you are so welcoming and energizing— i’ve felt so comfortable here thanks to you!! i’ll admit i’m still very intimidated by some people, and even though i am so in awe of you, i feel like i’ve known you forever. which, for me, isn’t something that happens often! i can only think of a handful of friends 💕 i’ve never felt stressed out or scared when i talk to you (sometimes i feel like people are gonna judge me but you are just so kind 🥺☺️❤️) and i just want to say thank you for that. thank you for being you, kasia, you are wonderful, talented, and BEAUTIFUL, both inside and out!!! did you think i’d forget to add that? you are so gorgeous oh my god 🥰

ok— i could keep going but alas, i have wasted a lot of your time and blog space by sending this in 😂 i love you SO SO SO MUCH KASIA!!! i wish i could come give you a hug and help you feel better because you deserve all the best days 🥺❤️ i hope you have a better evening honey!!

also p.p.s. it started snowing a little bit here earlier today and it was the nice light and fluffy snow— it reminded me of you! ☺️💕

I’ve tried to come up with an answer that wouldn’t be me just repeatedly screaming HELENA MY SWEET BABY ANGEL SWEETHEART LOVE YOU SO MUCH YOU ARE TOO PRECIOUS FOR WORDS but I couldn’t and I’ve been thinking since yesterday dajka let me try, though.

HELENA MY SWEET BABY ANGEL SWEETHEART I LOVE YOU SO MUCH YOU ARE TOO PRECIOUS FOR WORDS 

ok i’m done

i’m so not done, you’re just so lovely and every single time I am blessed with your messages or posts or just your sole presence on my dash or in my thoughts, I am just so thankful?? You’re such a sweet and wonderful human and to be able to call myself your friend is so amazing. I can’t believe you’ve singlehandedly saved this clusterfuck of a year by just being you and brightening the life of everyone you talk to, myself included? You’re so amazing??? I can’t belive u ♥♥♥

I’m so incredibly happy to know that I’m able to make you feel better and remind you of all the incredible qualities you have when you don’t remember about them yourself. I love making you happy and cheering you up when you need it so it means the world to me knowing that I succeed. And I want you to know that you do the exact same things to me :’) I feel so cared for and appreciated thanks to you and you sending things like this whenever i whine about not feeling my best? It just makes me cry happy tears forever, I love you so much my heart is just gonna burst someday. 

And all those nice things you say about my writing just make my heart go all !!!!! I’m not gonna whine again but it really means the world and every single nice word I hear about my writing makes me a tad bit confident and while I’ll probably stay critical and self-conscious forever, knowing that you and all the other incredible people that appreciate my work are enjoying the things I almost always dislike? dakjda It makes me dislike them less, cause they make you happy and it’s more than I could ask for :’) I enjoy writing even while it’s a pain in the ass and you all make it so worth it :’) Also I never thought I’ll like those 3 sentence thingies so much dkjakds it usually takes me so much to figure things out (like all the christmas prompts i have in my inbox even though it’s December 11th already dajda)? And when I think about a fic I tend to start way too early and I get discouraged when I figure how much i need to write before I get to the “good part”? So i guess the limit of 3 sentences makes me able to just stuff as much of the “good part” as i can so maybe that’s why i like them so much dsakjkas

I got sidetracked, gimme a sec I need to remember what i wanted to say.

Oh yeah, i remember now - HELENA YOU SWEET, SWEET, BEAUTIFUL SOUL YOU’RE TOO PRECIOUS FOR THIS AWFUL WORLD ♥♥ I just want to wrap you in a blanket and hug forever to make sure nothing bad ever happens to you. And how dare you call this wonderful message a waste of space or time! I loved every single letter in it, just like I love every single part of you and I’ll forever be amazed that such an incredible person once looked at my blog and thought “i’m gonna make her heart explode from love-overload because that’s what she deserves”. I love you so much and I will repeart it forever and a bit longer probably.

As for my well-being, it’s not being so well djasdja I’m pretty sure it’s some kind of an infection but it’s basically the same it was yesterday, it’s not getting worse :’)) (thank fuck it seems to be a mostly painless one cause otherwise i’d die already) I have no idea what was that cough, it’s kinda hard to get a doctors appointment atm and I was kinda paranoid about having covid so i just preffered to stay holed up at home and wait dajkdajk which is not a good way to do things, I’m a horrible example in life but it’s mostly over now (the cough, not life dhjakjda) so i guess it didn’t turn out worse by my lack of professional expertise djaskj I really hope it will all pass soon, I hate being sick cause I always was a rather healthy person and only get a light cold like once a year or even less often? so getting sick so much while not leaving the damn house is just a bad joke from the universe dhkakda

On a more positive note - it was snowing today too!! It started around the afternoon and it’s still here! I’m so happy and I hope it’ll last for a bit :’)

here’s the (not current but it didn’t change much) view from my flat, it’s not even that much snow and it still makes me so excited djasdkja :’)

Again - thank you so much for this message, sweetheart. It means everything to me, I love you so so much ♥♥

[repulsivepangolin7]

Fic: 31 days of whump (2/31)

A/N: Oh, what the heck, I might as well rapid-fire the first two or three.

Word count: 3 764

He knew a good portion of his character flaws. One was dyslexia, although he didn’t really consider it a flaw anymore. Another was what someone, sometime, had argued had to be ADHD, or at least ADD. He didn’t really care about that, he knew his attention span wasn’t the world greatest, but it was alright.

Some would call it a character flaw to be as tied up to his job as he was.

And there was a bunch more.

Eating like a medium sized industrial vacuum cleaner…

Maybe a bit more quick-tempered than one should be…

Right then and there, chasing a suspect, only one of those flaws he could come up with from the top of his head came back to bite him in the ass. -Or rather, the ankle.

He heard tires squeal against the hot asphalt. And quick reflexes was the only thing that saved him from being hit head on by the Mercedes-Benz star, but it wasn’t quite enough for him to avoid being hit by the car all together.

The first couple of seconds after he landed, he was in a sort of numb state where pain didn’t register yet. It was almost like a land of denial, as long as it didn’t hurt yet it couldn’t be that bad.

At the same time, he wasn’t sure if he could force himself to look towards his ankles.

The car that hit him didn’t stop, the next car didn’t either. But then again, it wasn’t even sure that the second car had seen what happened.

And then his right ankle started letting him know something was seriously wrong.

Tan came running up to him, and Luca managed to convince him to bolt after the suspect.

Next came Hondo.

SWATSWATSWAT

“Are you hurt?” Hondo asked as he kneeled down next to Luca, who was in the process of propping himself up on one elbow.

Luca blinked a few times and chanced a glance towards his legs.

“Luca, are you hurt?”

“My leg’s broken.” Luca answered with a 1000 yard stare.

“You think your leg is broken?” Hondo asked, “Which one?”

“No. My leg IS broken.” Luca swallowed.

Hondo frowned, “Which one?”

“Right one.”

“Lower leg? Upper leg?”

Luca swallowed hard, “My ankle’s toast. My lower leg in general feels wrong.”

Then random cars which had been further away, and had a better view of the whole accident started slowing down and stopping.

Hondo called in the accident, and Luca’s suspected injury. Agreeing that they needed an ambulance to come pick him up.

“Hey, I barely saw what happened…” A guy who had parked his truck came up to them, “Are you alright?”

“He likely broke his right leg.” Hondo answered for Luca, “Dispatch said the ambulance was ten minutes out.”

The guy nodded, “Anything I can do?”

Luca shook his head.

“No, nothing I can think of…” Hondo shrugged.

“We’re good here.” Luca ground out, “You can move on, no need in being parked on the side of the road and making LA traffic worse.”

The guy chuckled a bit, “Okay, alright. I wish you a speedy recovery.”

“Thanks.” Luca nodded, he was uncharacteristically pale by now.

The guy left.

Hondo looked back down at Luca, “How are you feeling?”

The blond shook his head.

“Still not a mind reader…” Hondo reminded him.

“My leg’s pounding.” Luca grimaced, “And I feel like I’m either going to pass out, or puke.”

“Well, please don’t do either…” Hondo smirked, hoping that he’d pull a short laugh from Luca. A short laugh from Luca would make it feel like everything was going to be alright.

“Man, it hurts.” Luca admitted through gritted teeth.

“I know…” Hondo nodded and placed a comforting hand on Luca’s shoulder, “Do you want me to start untying your boot? So that we can take a look at your ankle?”

Luca shook his head, “Nah. I think the ambulance people has more experience in that. Let them do it.”

Hondo nodded, “Okay, that’s alright.”

SWATSWATSWAT

After work they all went to visit Luca at the hospital.

He was basically just laying, waiting for swelling of his ankle and leg to go down enough for the surgeons to piece it back together.

“Hey, how are you feeling?” Deacon asked as soon as he had stepped into the room.

“Been better.” Luca admitted, “But they give me enough painkillers to make laying here semi-comfortable…”

Deacon offered up a brief smile.

“So, what’s the damage report?” Street bumped in, nodding towards Luca’s leg, which was covered in a temporary cast and rested on a mountain of pillows.

“Definitely broke it.” Luca shook his head, “Don’t really remember the fancy explanation for it, but I broke my leg six inches above the ankle, straight across both the bones… And my ankle is in multiple pieces. No better way to put it.”

Street nodded slowly as he tried to imagine the fractures in his mind. “So you’ll be laid up for a while?”

Luca shrugged, “I don’t really know what’s going to happen. Except that I need surgery to give all that a chance to heal…”

“That sucks, man…”

Luca bobbed his head in a nod, “Sure does.”

“On the plus side, Tuana might come visit you…” Street teased.

“Tuana?” Tan asked, as Luca blushed bright red.

“Kelly’s mom…” Street answered with a shit eating grin.

“What?” Deacon’s eyebrows shot up, “Are you dating her?”

“No…” Luca shook his head, “N-”

“Not officially.” Street chuckled, “I’m really tired of the way the two of you are doing your best futile attempt at keeping it hidden.”

Luca shook his head, “Well, it’s not, -official-, yet.”

“Well, maybe you two can finally get a move on, now that you’re off duty.” Street shrugged, causing most of the other S.W.A.T members to laugh.

“Dude, stop it.”

“Never.” Street answered smugly, “Not unless you come over here and stop me.”

“You’re punching a man while he’s laying down.” Luca said as he gestured to his cast clad leg.

“Only unfair fight is the one you lose…” Tan chuckled, “Isn’t that what you said to the recruits last year?”

“Yeah. I also told them to not kill each other, because they weren’t in the streets.” Luca pointed out.

Right then there was a knock at the door, before it opened up and Kelly and her mother entered.

“Hey team!” Kelly beamed, she saw most of the team first, before she came far enough inside the room to see Luca, “Hey Luca. Mom said you got hurt.”

Her eyes went wide when she saw the cast on his leg.

“I did…” Luca nodded, “But I’m going to be alright. It’s just going to take some time.”

“Wow, hey…” Tuana nodded at the guys and Chris, “I should have known all of you’d be here…”

Hondo smirked, “Actually, we were just about to leave… But our boy here could use the company…”

Tuana blushed a bit, but recovered quickly. Then she looked over at Luca, “Hey there… How are you doing?”

Luca shrugged a little, “Gonna be a rough couple of months… But I’ll be okay.”

“You didn’t really answer my question, now did you?”

Luca chuckled, “Well, no. My leg hurts, and I have to have it elevated and completely still…”

Tuana smirked a little, “Can you actually lay, or sit, still?”

The whole team chuckled.

“She really called you out there…” Chris grinned.

“Well, my girl texted me that she would have dinner ready when I came home. So I gotta leave now.” Hondo said, looking at the other team members in a hope that they would take the hint.

“Yeah, and we have that thing at… At…” Chris rolled her hand in the air, like she was searching for the correct word.

“Oh, yeah…” Street nodded when he caught on, “Yeah, you, me and Tan are meeting Derek and his girl…”

“Exactly.” Chris nodded.

Deacon smirked, “Well, I’ve got about an hour before I have to pick up the two youngest from kindergarten… That gives me a chance to grab a coffee and sit down in peace and quiet for a spell.”

The team members who weren’t confined to a hospital bed up and left, switching between goodbye hugs and fist-bumps on their way out the door.

SWATSWATSWAT

“Well, the team acted weird…?” Tuana shrugged after the team left.

Luca chuckled, “Yeah, you should’ve heard them before you guys came.”

“Oh yeah?”

Luca nodded, then he tried to shift a little in his bed, ending up with grimacing and groaning, fighting not to let out every four letter word he could think of.

After half a minute he pulled the pillow from below his head and placed it over his own face, finally allowing himself to whisper a silent ‘fuck’ into it, before removing it and placing it back under his head.

“-Are you alright?” Tuana asked, “Do you need anything?”

Luca shook his head, letting his right hand dart up to wipe away the remnants of smeared tears.

“I’m alright.” he choked out, “I just need my leg to stop aching so much.”

“You’re acting weird…” Kelly said with worry in her eyes.

“I’m sorry Kelly-girl…” Luca sighed, “It’s just that my leg hurts really bad. And I don’t want to… I don’t want to say bad words in front of you…”

“Like, Hell? Or, Damn?” Kelly asked, “Some kids at my old school cussed really much. Some kids at my new school says some bad words every now and then… It’s not like I haven’t heard it before?”

Luca chuckled, “Well, I’m trying to be a good role model here…”

Kelly chuckled, “Alright. Okay.”

Tuana chuckled, then she looked at Kelly, “Kelly, maybe you could go down to the lobby and buy yourself some snacks? Since we didn’t go home to eat before we got here…”

Kelly’s face lit up at that, as Tuana pulled out a few dollars to give to her. “And bring me back a coke.”

Kelly nodded before she headed out the door.

SWATSWATSWAT

“So, how are you really doing?” Tuana asked after the door closed.

“I’m a little freaked out…” Luca admitted, “But I know that’s mostly just because this hurts like a motherfucker right now.”

Tuana nodded.

“Wanna hear something funny?”

“What?”

“Street kinda mentioned that we had been seeing each other a bit more recently…” Luca admitted, “To the rest of the team… That’s why they acted weird…”

She smirked, “I kinda guessed it had to be something along those lines…”

“Yeah…” Luca nodded, “He’s getting impatient…”

“Well, he’s not completely alone…” Tuana winked, then stood up and stepped over to Luca’s bed, placing a hand on top of his.

“Maybe we should… Y’know…” Luca’s tongue darted out to wet his lower lip, “Maybe we should…”

“Make it official?”

Luca nodded.

“Maybe we should…” Tuana smirked and leaned down to place a kiss on Luca’s lips.

Luca met the kiss eagerly, running a hand through her dark hair.

“You had me worried.” She said as she pulled away a little, “I heard it on the news before I got your call.”

“I’m sorry…” Luca said, rubbing a calloused hand against her upper arm, “Someone left my phone on the other side of the room, with my clothes… And I didn’t exactly know where it was…”

“Not like that…” Tuana shook her head, “You were in great pain, of course your first thought wasn’t to call your secret girlfriend. And besides, I bet the doctors and nurses kept you occupied for a while…”

Luca nodded at that.

“I meant, I know I don’t want to lose you…” she admitted, “Actually, I’ve known that ever since you helped Kelly get into her new school…”

Luca’s lips curved at one side.

“But, I also want to be able to be proud of you in public.” She winked, “Not… Not real public, but… Amongst our friends…”

“Darling, it would make me so incredibly happy to just… -To just tell my friends that I’m with this amazing woman and mother…” Luca gave her arm a squeeze, “And to be Kelly’s… Kelly’s… Step-dad?”

Tuana chuckled, then nodded.

“About that…” Luca looked down at his lap for a bit, “I never asked, ‘cause it wasn’t my place earlier…”

She nodded slowly.

“But…” he looked back up, “Is Kelly’s dad still in the picture?”

She shook her head, “No, he’s dead.”

“I’m so sorry…”

“Relax.” Tuana rolled her eyes, “He’s never been in the picture… He left as soon as he heard I was knocked up. He died before Kelly was born.”

“I’m sorry to hear that. Must’ve been rough on you…”

“It has made me cautious with men…” she chuckled, “You must’ve noticed.”

Luca couldn’t help but chuckle a bit, “And here I thought I was the one playing it safe…”

“We need to talk about your definition of ‘playing it safe’…” Tuana chuckled and jerked her head in the direction of his busted leg, “You’re more of a crash-test-dummy…”

Luca blushed a bit, “I deserved that one…”

She let her hand come down at his hairline, and brushed his hair back a few times before she leaned down to kiss him once again.

They got lost in it.

Lost in it, and they didn’t even notice Kelly opening the door and returning to the room.

Not before she let her presence be known with an audible squeal.

Luca and Tuana both froze, then Tuana stood back up.

“So you two ARE together!” Kelly grinned, “I knew it!”

Luca and Tuana both still had the deer in headlights look for a few seconds more before they simultaneously broke out laughing.

“How long have you been together?” Kelly wanted to know.

Luca shrugged, “A while.”

“Since my birthday…” Tuana clarified.

“That’s…” Kelly started counting on her fingers, “That’s four months!”

Tuana nodded.

“Why didn’t you just tell me?”

“-We wanted to know that it would work out between us first…” Tuana answered, “We were planning on telling you soon.”

Luca nodded, “I hope you’re not angry…”

“Why would I be angry?” Kelly frowned at the thought, “I’ve been wishing for this for almost a year!”

Tuana and Luca both visibly relaxed a bit more at that.

“Does the team know?”

“Not really…” Luca answered, “Street might have started to spread rumors, but they haven’t been confirmed yet. I was planning on telling them after we had told you.”

Kelly grinned.

“Well, now you know…” Tuana chuckled.

Kelly nodded. “So, are you going to move in together?”

The two grownups looked at each other for a moment, neither really knowing the answer.

“That’s something we haven’t talked about yet…” Luca said, scratching the side of his head.

Tuana nodded towards Luca, “Yeah, we should probably talk about that soon…”

“-Amongst other things…” Luca nodded back.

“Am I going to have siblings?”

Both Luca and Tuana froze once again.

“That’s also something we haven’t talked about yet…” Tuana answered.

Luca nodded.

“But is there a chance of it?” Kelly asked. Hope was audible in her voice.

Luca shrugged, “We haven’t talked about it yet. So we don’t know what to answer…”

“Can you talk to each other about that a little quick?” Kellie prompted in a voice only a girl in her pre-teens could manage, before realizing how she sounded and added “Please?”

“I think that’s something we have to talk about alone…” Luca thought out loud, and gave Tuana a questioning look.

Tuana nodded.

“If I went outside, could you talk about it now?” Kelly asked, still very excited about the idea.

The two grownups looked at each other, scanning each other’s expressions for what the other one thought.

Half a minute later Tuana nodded, “Sure.”

Kelly grinned, “I have my phone on me. Call me when you have an answer!”

Tuana nodded, and Kelly headed out the door again.

SWATSWATSWAT

“So…” Tuana started, pulling a chair over next to Luca’s bed, “Guess we have to talk…”

Luca nodded, “Yeah…”

“Do you want kids?” Tuana asked, tilting her head.

Luca trapped his lower lip in thought for a moment, then he looked over at Tuana. “Well, yeah… But as long as I get to be a father figure for Kelly, that’s enough. I mean, if you don’t want more kids…”

Tuana’s face softened, “But if I’m up for more kids?”

“Then yes. Definitely yes.” He winked.

“How many kids would you like?” Tuana followed up.

“I don’t know, never really thought about that…” Luca rubbed his neck, “Always figured I’d have to start with one anyway…”

Tuana laughed, “Think about it… Do you have a maximum limit?”

Luca thought, then chuckled, “Well, I guess it’s probably an idea to slow down if we’d have to drive two cars to go anywhere as a family.”

Tuana chuckled as well, “You’re probably right about that.”

“That being said, I can’t really come up with a number right now.” Luca shrugged, “What’s your number”`

“Well, growing up I always wanted a big family.” She answered, “But I guess two to four kids would do…”

“So, four’s your max?”

“I wouldn’t say that…” Tuana shrugged, “I guess my actual max is when I start feeling that I’m losing more grip than is okay.”

He chuckled, “That’s a nice max limit. Mind if I adopt it?”

She chuckled, “No, go ahead.”

“Then that’s my max as well, whether that means two or ten…”

“So, at least one sibling then.”

“As sure as we’re able to, yeah.” Luca nodded, “I mean, you’re obviously able to… You’ve got a real life proof of that walking around… I can’t exactly point to a definitive proof like that.”

Tuana shrugged, “Just because I have one kid, doesn’t mean it’s going to be just as easy to have a second one. Not this many years later at least.”

Luca nodded, “Well, at least we can have some fun trying.”

Tuana chuckled, “Yeah, after your leg is better.”

He nodded, “Yeah, there’s not going to be any ‘trying’ for AT LEAST a month. Maybe longer.”

She nodded, “I think you’re right about that…”

He nodded.

They both fell silent for a little while, then Luca cleared his voice, “About that other question…”

“What other question?”

“If we were going to move in together…”

Tuana nodded.

“What are we going to answer to that?”

She shrugged, “I don’t know…”

“I mean, there’s three possibilities I see.” He shrugged, and started counting them off on his fingers, “First one, I move in with you guys. Second, you guys move in with me… We might have to figure out something to do about Street then… Or the third option, we continue living in separate houses, but I sleep over at your place every now and then, and vice versa…”

Tuana nodded, “All three are valid options.”

Luca nodded.

“Just because we chose one for now, doesn’t mean that it has to stay that way…” she mentioned.

“That’s true.” he nodded.

“How about we go for option number three for now, and then we just roll with it? See what happens?”

Luca nodded.

“But of course, if you want option one or two…” she shrugged, “I mean, we could keep the other house and rent it out…”

Luca shrugged, “Whatever is fine by me. Sticking to status quo and just seeing where that leads us sounds good.”

She nodded, adding a reassuring smile.

He smiled.

“But maybe you’d like to stay with us for a little while now?” she asked, “I mean, Kelly and I are probably at home more often than Street, right?”

He nodded, then tried to shift ever so slightly. His right hand darted down towards his leg, and it took everything he had to not start sobbing. “Dammit.”

“Do you want me to go ask the doctor if you can get anything stronger?”

He shook his head, wiping at his eyes as salty tears rolled from them.

“Luca, you’re in pain…”

Once he was able to speak again, he looked at her, “Well, I can’t really have opioids.”

She tilted her head, “Have you had a problem in the past?”

He shook his head, knowing what she was thinking. “Not like that… I just have a really low tolerance for that stuff, it often makes me sick… And I don’t want to add ‘nausea’ or ‘throwing up’ to my list of troubles right now.”

“Oh, I’m sorry… I thought… That was dumb of me…”

“Don’t think about it… It was a bad choice of words on my part.” he chuckled.

“So, do you want to stay with us for a while when you’re discharged from this place?”

He nodded, “Could I borrow the guestroom? I’m pretty sure it’ll probably hurt too much to accidentally get bumped into… -And you move around a lot when you sleep…”

“Of course…” she nodded, then she glanced up at the clock hanging on the wall, “Maybe we should call Kelly now?”

He nodded, “We probably should, but I’d like to sneak a kiss from you first…”

She smiled, stood up and stepped over to make that happen.

SWATSWATSWAT

“Now? What did you decide?” Kelly asked, almost bouncing where she stood.

“What do you want to know the answer to first?” Tuana asked.

“Everything.” Kelly grinned, “But I guess it makes sense to start with if we’re all going to live together first.”

“We decided that we don’t know the final answer yet.” Luca shrugged, “But I’m going to stay with you guys for a while now that my leg is injured.”

Tuana nodded, “After that we’ll have to wait and see. We might decide to live like Theo’s parents. They don’t live together all of the time, but it seems like all three of them like the arrangement.”

Kelly nodded, “Theo’s parents fight less than most of the other parents, so that’s cool!”

Luca really liked Kelly’s way of reasoning.

“And babies?” she then quickly switched over to the next question on her list, “Am I going to be a big sister?”

Luca and Tuana laughed.

“Well…” Tuana started, “If everything works out well, then you are going to be one.”

Kelly’s grin grew wide, “Really?”

“Yeah.” Tuana nodded, “But we can’t make any promises before you actually have a brother or sister, you know that? Sometimes it can be really hard to get pregnant.”

Kelly nodded, her head going up and down at a comical speed. “But you want kids together?”

They both nodded.

“But if it doesn’t work out for us, you are enough.” Luca pointed out, “Remember that.”

Kelly smiled, “Thanks.”

[hutchhitched]

The Everlark Carols (Part 5, I’ll Be Home For Christmas)

Happy December, Everlarkers! So sorry for the unintended hiatus. First, I forgot to move the posts from drafts to the queue, then Monday night’s two hour thing turned into almost five, then yesterday’s lunch plans turned into an all afternoon thing, and then my internet went out this morning. It’s been a comedy of errors. I’ll post the missing parts throughout the day. For those of you who read the first part, you might have noticed it’s a sequel to Blue, the story I wrote two years ago for @everlarkchristmasgifts​. Enjoy part 5!

The story page for The Everlark Carols is here.

“You know, I could go with you. If you’d stop being stubborn long enough to just ask.”

 Peeta stiffens, and I swallow hard. I’m being a total bitch, and I know it. It’s not his fault that his sister-in-law called and let him know his brother is having a procedure tomorrow, and it’s not his fault that he doesn’t know how long he’s going to be gone. Of course he should be a good brother and go be with his family during Graham’s surgery. It’s what anyone who loves their family and can be there should do. And yet…

 “Katniss, I know you want me here. I get that.”

 “Do you?” I ask in a voice so whiny and needy it makes me cringe. “You know what the holidays have always been like for me, and now I’m finally enjoying the season. Well, I was. And now…”

 “I’ll be home for Christmas, sweetheart. I promise.”

 And that assurance is what finally gets me to stop huffing and pouting. I’ve been a monster for the past two hours while Peeta’s made arrangements to leave. I’m not proud of it, but his gentle assertion goes straight to the frustration and fear I’ve been feeling since the call came. I’m upset because I’m scared he’s going to walk out the door and not come home again. Just like my dad.

 I drop onto the bed and hang my head. Peeta stops packing and kneels down in front of me. I’m too ashamed of my behavior to look him in the eye, but he won’t let me get away with that.

 “You know I love you.” When I nod, he chuckles, the sound rumbling deep in his chest. “You know I’d prefer to be here with you, spending time with you, making love to you, taking care of you. I’ll be home soon. Long before Christmas. You won’t even notice I’m gone.”

 “Oh, I’ll notice,” I scoff. “I’ll notice every second you’re not here.”

 He leans in to hug me and whispers in my ear, “But just think how amazing it’s going to be when I get back. Think of the reunion sex.”

 “You’re such a dork.”

 “I am,” he agrees and rises so he can add a few more pairs of socks and a really soft blue sweater than makes me weak in the knees when he wears it.

 “Fine. Fine, fine, fine. I guess I’ll just have to spend a bunch of time with Gale and Finnick and all my other men.”

 Peeta rolls his eyes as he zips his suitcase closed. “If any of them were available and you weren’t madly in love with me, I might even pretend to be jealous. As it is, I’m just gonna tell you that I hope you have a good time at best friend night and Finnick only shares hilarious stories about me playing Santa for him last week.”

 “I’m gonna miss you so much, baby,” I whimper, and he pulls me up and gathers me against his chest.

 “I’ll miss you, too.” His lips trace along my cheek before settling on my lips for a sweet, searching, passionate kiss. “Now, I’ve got to go. I’ll see you when I get back.”

 With one more peck on the lips, he picks up his bag, descends the steps, and leaves. The taillights of his car disappearing down the street are the saddest thing I’ve ever seen.

[dkettchen]

In the wake of Dimension 20 starting its new season, I wanna write a bit about trans/nb representation in media, particularly by comparing that of TAZ (Lup & Hollis) and D20 (Pete).

((hey remember how i said i wasn’t gonna write long-ass essay-type analyses of things anymore? ye so that didn’t work out I guess, here we go again))

I’m gonna leave out TAZ’s Roswell, as they’re a genderless elemental, rather than a gendered hominid that one could compare to real life non-binaries.  Genderless fantasy races are actually the reason for some of the first third gender neo-pronouns (particularly Spivak pronouns (e/em/er)) got popularised, long before the term “non-binary” was even a thing, so S/O to genderless fantasy races for being tru genderqueer pioneers lol

Griffin established (out of story) that Lup was amab and had transitionned early in life before the start of the “Stolen Century” arc, only to never mention it again, to the point that I legit forgot half-way through when she and Barry became a thing and my brain was like but what if Lup gets pregnant, what’ll happen to the baby at the end of the cycle? and then I remembered ‘oh yeah, Lup can’t get pregnant’ (unless there’s something we don’t know about fantasy transition, which we very well might, seeing as we didn’t get any details about how it works). 

Hollis’ assigned sex and current gendered body-type are never revealed [as of 12Jul19, but I assume it’ll stay that way] which is nice, that way any non-binary can identify with them. BUT there is also a complete and utopian lack of misgendering and wrong pronoun use. Most notably we can see this in Thacker, who was gone for 6 years and knew them since they were a kid.  6 years ago, the word non-binary was barely starting to become popular, they/them pronouns were not in use the way they are today. Even if Hollis had come out and started using they/them before he left, they probably wouldn’t have been accepted or taken seriously at first, and even if so, Thacker would’ve had to remember this relatively new information and pronoun etiquette about a person he wasn’t that close with over 6 years on an alien planet and through his temporary madness, or get used to it to the point of no hesitation or slipping up in using it on this kid he knew way back when and wasn’t really in contact with, due to the tension between his party and the Hornets, within the two months since.  Unless Hollis was an intersex theybie who ended up actually being non-binary and they just always went by they/them (which, just statistically, seems unlikely), it seems highly unrealistic that, even if the whole rest of the town got the pronouns down, Thacker would get them right.

Meanwhile in D20, Pete’s introduction literally started in his doctor’s office, talking about specific procedures, like top surgery, and what they entail (“‘shooting’ [his] tits off”, not “leaving [anything] in there”), as well as the fact that there is ongoing treatment (hormones) involved.  There was a tense confrontation with (relatively) unaccepting family (who Pete wasn’t around for a similar amount of time as Thacker was gone in TAZ I might add), including using the actual words “trans” and “dead name”, as well as the feelings the use of the latter can invoke.  Pete’s representation isn’t about him being trans, but about the things that being trans actually entails.

The difference is in that TAZ is a bunch of (lovely) cis-guys trying their best to provide representation for everybody, which is important too and I appreciate them for it, but in D20 the representation is made by an actual trans person (in collab with their DM), who is going through some of this stuff (top surgery) and has trans friends and their experience to fill in the rest (dead names, hormones, etc).

In order to get proper magical realism, you need not only the magic but also the realism, and with representation, if you are not the thing yourself you will have trouble providing that no matter how hard you try.  That is not a reason to stop trying but maybe a reason (for media at large) to put more effort into getting the people who actually know the thing to (at least help) make the thing.

[alounuitte]

cactus blossoms

(or, some can only bloom with water from a desert sky.)

Adam needs some support while he recovers from a surgery, and Shiro volunteers to be his best friend's roommate for the summer after their first year in the Garrison. Somehow, it turns out he's not the only one Adam gets a chance to get closer to, and an operation isn't the only thing he's recovering from. (pre-relationship, but no romance will be in this.)

special thanks this chapter to the friend who gave her name to the Glenn-Mitchell act, which she inspired by correctly pointing out that there must be some major policy changes to make the Garrison’s space program more accommodating to disability! 

Chapter 4.

The last two weeks of May feel like there are three days crammed into every one that actually passes, and it would be bad enough without also trying to move. For everyone else, the week following exams will be plenty of time to pack up their things and get them into storage if they’re not staying on base over the summer, but with Adam’s appointment set first thing in the morning the Monday after the term ends, he and Shiro both need to be settled into their summer quarters by the end of the weekend. 

“I don’t have time to pack everything and study for exams,” Adam says despairingly as he collapses onto his bed. “I’m going to fail.” 

“You’re not going to fail,” Shiro says, trying not to laugh; he knows Adam is being serious, but the anguish in his tone borders on melodramatic. “We’re just gonna have to enlist some help.” 

“I don’t want anyone else messing with my stuff, though,” Adam says. “I hate people touching my things.” 

“What if I help?” Shiro says. “You trust me, right?” 

Adam frowns at him, folding his arms. “Not that much.”

Shiro raises an eyebrow. 

“Not to let you pack for me,” Adam clarifies quickly. “Anyways, you don’t have time. I know you’re some kind of genius, or something, but you have to study, too.” 

He scoffs and shakes his head. “Whoever told you that was a damned liar. I just work hard at what I care about.” 

“That’s not true,” Adam says, laughing. “You’re good at everything.” 

“Maybe I care about everything,” he replies lightly. 

Adam shakes his head, still grinning. “Alright, if you say so,” he says. “But you also have all, like, three hundred pages of the Glenn-Mitchell Act memorized. Normal people don’t just do that for fun.” 

“I said I wasn’t a genius,” Shiro says, grinning back. “I never said I was normal.” 

—

In the end, they take turns spending their free time at each other’s quarters all week, alternately studying together and helping each other pack. “I think your roommate must be sick of me,” Adam comments on Thursday afternoon, sitting on the floor in Shiro’s room. “I’ve been here more than he has this week.” 

Shiro laughs at that, shaking his head. “Sick of what, getting scared half to death because he forgets you’re here until you talk? You’re so quiet sometimes you startle me.” 

“Sick of my chilly, standoffish attitude, probably,” Adam says dryly. 

“Don’t be stupid,” Shiro says. “Nobody thinks that about you. And if they do, well, fuck them, anyways, they’d know better if they took the time to talk to you.” 

Adam laughs quietly and shakes his head, and there’s a look on his face Shiro can’t read, a shine in his eyes and a softness to his smile that he’s not sure he’s ever seen before. 

—

On Sunday morning, the day before exams begin, Sam Holt arrives bright and early, accompanied by his wife and a gangly boy in glasses who must be their son. “Morning, Shiro,” he says cheerfully, giving him a crooked grin. “You’ve met my wife Colleen, of course, and this is my eldest boy, Matthew.” 

“Matt’s fine,” the boy says, offering his hand. “It’s nice to meet you. Dad says you’re the best pilot he’s ever seen since he’s been with the Garrison.” 

“Now, son, there’s no need to put him on the spot,” Sam says, laughing, as Shiro feels his cheeks heat up. “First things first, Shiro, why don’t you show us what all needs moving?” 

He’s just finishing showing them everything he’s ready to take upstairs when there’s a knock on the door. “That’s probably Adam,” Shiro says, jumping up to answer. “Hey! Come on in, the Holts are here to help me move stuff, they said they’d help you too if you want--”

“Oh,” Adam says, looking startled, and stands up a little straighter. “Uh, hi, Commander.”

“Morning!” Sam says, waving. “You can call me Sam, we’re all off duty right now.”

The look on Adam’s face says that’s not likely to happen, and Shiro bites his tongue to keep from laughing. “You should show them what you need done with your stuff,” he says instead. “That way we have all day to study, since they offered to help bring things up to Montgomery’s quarters.”

“That’s really not…” Adam protests, looking back and forth between Shiro and the Holts gathered around his quarters. 

“Don’t be ridiculous,” Colleen says, smiling warmly. “It’s not any trouble for us to carry some boxes so you can focus on preparing for exams.”

“Come on, I already told them what to do with my stuff,” Shiro says. “Let’s go to your room so you can show them what’s up with yours.”

“I don’t--” Adam protests as Shiro pulls him into the hall. “That’s really nice of you guys, but you don’t have to…”

“No amount of kindness frees us from the obligation to do right by our neighbors,” Sam says, adjusting his glasses. 

Much to Shiro’s surprise, Adam relaxes slightly, his shoulders slumping. “Well,” he says with a sigh. “Okay, if it’s that important to you.”

“Hey,” Matt says, running ahead to catch up. “I’m Matt, Commander Holt’s my dad. Are you in the pilot track, too? I’m gonna be in communications when I start, like Dad is, but I bet being a pilot is super cool. Do you guys get to fly real aircraft yet?” 

“Um,” Adam says, looking to Shiro for help. 

“No, we can’t fly for real until third year,” Shiro says. “Unless we’re selected for special training, some people get to start early in their fourth term.” 

“Now, I wouldn’t know anything about what next spring’s flight specialist class might look like,” Sam says, tapping the side of his nose. “Officially speaking, even if a decision was made this early, I couldn’t tell you about it. But the names of a couple cadets here might be on the shortlist.” 

“Really?” Shiro asks, beaming. 

“Don’t act like you’re surprised!” Adam says, wide-eyed. “Everyone knows you’re going to get in.” 

“Better keep up your marks on these exams, though,” Sam says lightly, and chuckles. “Even with those perfect simulator scores, you’ve got to keep up in your other classes.” 

“Yes, sir,” Shiro agrees, grinning, as they stop outside of Adam’s room. “We’ll get straight to work as soon as you know what to help with.” 

The room is even more spare than usual, the books all pulled off the bookshelves and everything cleared off his desk except a stack of notebooks and a single pen. His duffel is open at the foot of his bed, half packed with clothes as if for a trip.

“Um, you can start with these,” Adam says, gesturing to a stack of boxes on the floor. “Careful, though, they’re heavy. And this is just clothes, that can go next… if that’s okay, sir.”

“Whatever makes your life easiest, son,” Sam says, laughing. 

“Just leave this one for last,” Adam adds, tapping the box that’s on his desk chair as he grabs his notebooks.  “I need to be able to get things out of it, so make sure it’s easy to access. And it’s fragile, be careful, I don’t want anything to break.”

“Whatcha got in there?” Matt asks, leaning against the desk. “Models or something?”

“Matthew!” Colleen says. “That’s rude.” 

“It’s fine,” Adam says, shoving his hands in his pockets and hunching his shoulders. “It’s just ceremonial things. Candlesticks and stuff. A bunch of it’s my mom’s.” 

“Oh,” Matt says. “That’s cool, too.” 

“I’ll treat it like it was my own,” Sam promises. “What do you say, Coll? Matty? Ready to get to work?” 

Colleen nods, already rolling up her sleeves. “Lauren emailed me the room designation this morning,” she says. “She should already be waiting for us upstairs.” 

“Come on,” Shiro says, heading for the door. “We’ve got work to do, too.” 

Adam hangs back, hovering in the doorway to look at the Holts. “Thanks again, Commander,” he says quietly. “Well, all of you. It means a lot.” 

“Well, a friend of Shiro’s is a friend of mine,” Sam says with a wave. “And I never refuse to lend a hand when a friend’s in need.” 

“You boys are plenty busy already,” Colleen adds. “Go study! We’ll get everything taken care of.” 

[kristallioness]

Benevolence runs in their blood

Summary: Katara goes to donate blood and brings Kya along with her.

Word count: 2,495

Author's note: I just love the concept of little Kya following her mommy around in the hospital (i.e. at work) like a baby duckling while Katara teaches her about modern medicine (or shows her around different rooms, which are usually restricted to staff or patients only). Also, think how much courage and strength it takes for Katara to face her fear of bloodbending in order to become the best healer in the world and work as a doctor. She sees blood nearly every day and yet she doesn't let that bother her anymore. She has to forget this dark side to herself, or the possibility of using this type of bending. Not to mention that at this point, she's probably managed to get it outlawed already. That's really something. Btw, here's an adorable illustration for the story.

----------x----------

"Here you go, Master Katara. Just take a seat and make yourself comfortable and I'll be right with you."

She climbed up on the armchair and lay down, resting her head against the back to relax.

"Come here, baby! I want you to see this."

Her right hand had a firm hold on Kya's and she beckoned her 4-year-old daughter over to the chair.

The little waterbender had been distracted by a bunch of doctors and healers, who walked by the door of the otherwise empty room. She turned around and stepped closer, peeking up over her mother's tummy to look at the other side.

Katara reached for the squeezable red ball on the armrest and handed it to her.

"Do you wanna play with this before it's mommy's turn to play?"

"Okay!"

Kya took the ball in her own hands and squeezed it a couple of times. She threw it on the floor, not expecting it to bounce back just as hard. The red ball bumped against her nose and continued hopping towards the row of armchairs opposite to them. The little waterbender squealed and began chasing it around.

"Be careful, Kya! Don't knock anything over!" Katara warned her, after which her attention turned back to the middle-aged healer who'd returned to her side. She pulled off the armband on her left forearm.

"Okay, before we start, I'm gonna check your vitals first."

"Yes, Elthia, I know how the procedure goes.." she said in a cheerful tone. Katara raised her arm a little bit, letting her employee slip a thermometer under there to take her temperature. Next, she waited for the healer to put a stethoscope in her ears, so she could listen to her heart and take her pulse.

"Psst!.. Kya, come here!"

The little waterbender crawled out from behind another armchair once she'd found the red ball, and she scampered back to her mother. Katara offered her a reassuring smile and stroked her head with her free hand while healer Elthia had two of her fingers pressed to her other wrist.

"Would you like to listen to your mommy's heartbeat while I take her blood pressure?" she asked, removing the earpieces from her ears.

Kya nodded and, with a little help from her mother, she hopped up on the edge of the armchair, snuggling up to her. Elthia placed the stethoscope in her ears and gave her the shiny chestpiece. Katara tugged at the white furry collar of her coat a little so Kya could press the diaphragm on her bare chest.

While the little waterbender was busy, the healer pulled a cuff around Katara's left arm, leaving it near the same height as her heart, and began pumping it to add pressure. Once it was tight enough, she tapped the little girl's shoulder.

"Can I have that back now? I need to take your mommy's blood pressure."

Kya gave the stethoscope back to Elthia, watching how she pressed it on her mother's elbow pit to listen for a while as she released the air from the cuff slowly. Katara picked up the red ball and rolled it around in circles on her stomach to keep her daughter entertained until the healer finished. She let her remove the cuff.

"Alright.. your heart rate and blood pressure are within normal range. Let's have a look at your temperature."

The healer pulled the thermometer out from under her coat and stared at the silver line of mercury inside the glass.

"And your temperature is normal. You're a fit blood donor, Master Katara!"

"That's great! Carry on, Elthia. I'm ready."

She nodded to her superior and began preparing everything necessary. Katara snaked her right arm around her baby girl to pull her closer, rewarding her with a kiss on her temple.

"Good girl, Kya! You were such a good girl for being so quiet while the nice healer examined me."

"What happens now, mommy?"

"Well, in order to draw the blood out of my vein, healer Elthia will first insert a needle into my arm.. right around here," she explained, pointing a finger above her left arm.

"Owie! Won't that hurt you, mommy?" Kya gasped, covering her mouth with both hands. Her mother merely chuckled and stroked her back to comfort her, just as Elthia looped a belt-like strap around her arm and pulled it tight.

"No, it won't. Maybe a little when she inserts the needle, but it's just a small sting that only lasts a second. You know, like when I give you a shot?"

The little waterbender couldn't quite comprehend why her mommy would deliberately let another healer hurt her. As long as she didn't have to, she was never gonna let anyone do that to her.

Elthia waterbended a droplet of water over Katara's skin to disinfect the area. Kya's cerulean eyes grew wide and she instinctively cowered into her mother's embrace. Was it just her, or did that particular needle in the healer's hands seem much longer? And bigger?

"Okay, Master Katara, it'll be just a pinch.."

Kya grimaced, but was surprised that her mother didn't even flinch, or start crying or.. pretty much do anything. The only thing she noticed was how her mother wrinkled her nose for a second, after which the content smile returned to her lips.

Elthia fastened the needle, along with the transparent canal attached to it, to Katara's forearm with the help of some sticky band-aids. She also handed her the squishy red ball.

"..and we're good to go! You may start pumping now. I'll be right over here and come check on you as soon as the bag seems to be full."

"Okay, Elthia! I'll let you know if I need anything."

She offered her boss and her baby girl another soft smile, then spun around and walked over to her desk at the end of the room to give them some privacy.

Kya crawled into her mother's lap to have a closer look at what she was doing. The canal, as well as the empty bag on the other end, had been painted crimson from the blood that flowed through them.

"Does it hurt?"

"Not at all. Do you wanna know what's happening here?"

The little waterbender nodded, following her mother's right hand as she pointed to the different parts attached to her left arm.

"My blood is flowing freely, but rather slowly, through the needle and into this narrow tube, and it's being collected into that bag over there. By squeezing this ball in my hand, I'm increasing the blood flow through my vein and this way, I'm speeding up the process."

"How long do you have to keep this up?"

"Until the bag is completely full, which usually takes about 10 minutes or less."

Kya slid down her mother's legs and walked over to the tray containing the plastic bag. She stood on her tiptoes for a second in order to see it better.

"Don't touch! Just look."

She obeyed her mother's orders and kept her tiny hands away from it. Her cerulean eyes glanced at the bag and then at her mother, comparing their sizes.

"But this bag is so big, mommy! Aren't you scared of running out of blood?"

Katara released a short giggle.

"No, sweetie. That bag only contains one pint of blood. Our bodies contain a lot more, and are capable of producing more blood in case we lose some or, in my case, voluntarily decide to donate some."

"Why do you wanna do this, mommy?"

The elder waterbender patted her thigh and waved her free hand.

"Come here, baby, and I'll tell you why."

Kya scampered over to the armchair and climbed back up into her mother's lap. Katara rested her right hand on her back, gently combing her fingers through her daughter's fluffy hair. She did it in the same pattern as her other hand squeezed the ball.

"Sweetie, you know how sometimes when people are really sick or they get seriously hurt, they need an operation and we take them into surgery?"

"Mhmm."

"Well, during surgery, the patient might start bleeding and they can lose a lot of blood that way. But it's very dangerous to lose too much blood, so we need to give them more to replace the amount they've lost. And where are we gonna get more blood?"

Kya laid a finger on her lips to think.

"Umm.. from donors?"

"Exactly! That's my bright little girl," Katara praised by stroking her head.

"So, now do you understand why I wanna do this? Because by donating blood, I'll be helping the other healers and doctors, who can use it to help our patients get better. This can save lives."

"Like you saved daddy?"

She fell silent for a moment, swallowing an unexpected lump in her throat.

"Y-yes. I saved daddy with the help of spirit water, not by donating blood, since this technique hadn't been invented yet back then. I'm not so sure whether it would've helped much.. but you're right."

The little waterbender remained quiet after that, pondering over everything her mother had just taught her. Katara glanced at the nearly full bag and wondered how she could make these last couple of minutes more fun.

"Sweetie, do you wanna help me with something?"

Kya beamed back at her.

"Sure, mommy! What is it?"

"My hand's getting tired from squeezing the ball so much. Can you grab my hand and help me squeeze the ball, gently?" she pleaded, feigning some weariness in her left hand.

"Okay," Kya agreed, placing her tiny hands around her mother's fingers and gently pressing them against the ball like she'd asked. Katara merely pretended to be tired. Her baby girl could still sense how firmly she squeezed the ball.

"Wow! You're really strong, mommy."

"I could say the same about you, baby. You're really helping me out here."

Kya giggled when her mommy grazed her cheek with the back of her right hand. They went on like this for another minute or two before healer Elthia rose from her desk to join them.

"So, how's everything going over here?"

"We're doing great. I think it's almost full by now," Katara stated, letting her employee have a closer look to be certain. She hummed approvingly.

"You're right, Master Katara. You can stop squeezing the ball now. Just relax while I help you finish."

The elder waterbender took her advice, heaving a sigh of relief and closing her eyes for a second. Elthia untangled both her and her daughter's fingers from the ball and put it away.

Next, she grabbed a thick patch of gauze, attaching a rather big bandage on the back. The healer tenderly pulled the other band-aids, which kept the tube and needle in place, off Katara's skin. Then, Elthia held the bigger bandage above the needle and, as soon as she'd removed it from her vein, she pressed the gauze over the spot and quickly folded her forearm against her arm.

"That's a good girl! Now just apply pressure for half an hour or so until the bleeding stops, and take all the time you need to recover from the procedure. I'll be right back with some refreshments."

"Thanks, Elthia!"

Katara watched how she began cleaning up everything when she felt her daughter's hands support some of her weight on her chest. Kya budged closer and planted a kiss on her forearm, slightly above her elbow.

"What was that for, sweetie?"

"You always kiss my boo-boos better after you give me a shot, mommy. I thought you'd like me to do the same for you."

She giggled, pulling her precious little girl into her embrace with her other arm.

"Aww! Thank you, baby!"

Katara kissed Kya's temple in return to show her that she appreciated the gesture.

"I do feel a little better now," she murmured, softly stroking her arm. Both their gazes turned to Elthia, who stepped closer and held the tray, which contained the blood bag, in her hands.

"Hey there, little one! I know your mother forbade you before, but do you wanna touch this bag now?"

Kya hesitated and stared at her mother again to ask for permission.

"It's okay. You can touch it," Katara urged her. She carefully lowered her hand on the plastic and tenderly rubbed her fingers over the thick crimson fluid inside.

"It's so warm, mommy," she remarked.

"I know. It's warm because my body kept it warm inside me."

"What do the healers do with your blood?"

"A donor's blood is stored in a special freezer in the hospital until we need to use it."

"Don't worry, dear! We're gonna take good care of your mommy's blood," Elthia assured the baby girl. She patted Kya's head and took the bag away to prepare it for storage.

"Can we go now, mommy?"

"Not yet, baby. Remember when I said that our bodies can produce more blood if we lose some?"

The little waterbender nodded.

"Well, it's a slow process and it takes time. That's why I shouldn't strain myself after donating a whole pint of blood. Otherwise I might start feeling light-headed or very-very sick. So we're gonna sit right here for at least another 15 minutes to be sure that everything's okay and enjoy some snacks in the meantime."

"Snacks!?" Kya gasped, clasping her hands with joy as the healer approached them with a small tray of cookies and a glass of orange juice.

"Here you go, Master Katara. Something to help you regain your energy."

Elthia placed the tray on the armrest and returned to her desk to allow her patient to recover in peace. Kya already wanted to grab a cookie when her mother's hand landed on her own to stop her for a moment.

"Actually, sweetie, these are meant for the donors only.."

Kya pouted and hung her head in disappointment upon learning that. Katara didn't mean to burst her bubble. She lifted a finger under her chin to get her to look her in the eye.

"But.. okay. You can have some, too. After all, you were so well-behaved and you stayed here by my side the entire time today."

The elder waterbender picked up a single cookie and gave it to her daughter, who smiled back at her before shoving it into her mouth.

"Thanks, mommy!"

Having heard their predicament, the healer decided to bring the pair more nourishment. Both Katara and Kya were surprised when she walked up to them with another plate, filled with half the amount of cookies they had in the beginning.

"You deserve a treat for being such a brave girl for your mother. Here you go, little one!"

Elthia also handed Kya a glass of milk to drink while she nibbled on those few cookies her mother had spared for her from the previous batch.

"This was really sweet of you, Elthia! Kya, what do you say to the nice healer?"

"Thank you!"

[buckmeinthebarnes]

appreciation

Written by Liri (buckmeinthebarnes) Characters: Matt Murdock x Reader Words: 2895 Rating: E (explicit smut) Warnings: Thigh riding, slightly dom!Matt, a little slap here, a bit of dirty talk there.

Prompt:There’s nothing like being a good neighbor to make Matt feel very thankful for your aid.

“You stay there," I whisper to Venus. She meowls back at me. "Not a word!" As if bewildered after leaving bed to protect me and being sent away, she turns her cute furry tail on me and goes to our bedroom.

I open my door very slowly to listen to my neighbour. Trying my best, I can’t do much more than hear faint grunts, as if someone had hit their pinky toe on the nightstand. I step out the door as quietly as humanly possible; me and my then-boyfriend’s-college-band-t-shirt down to my knees. The soft grunt that probably came from my front door neighbour ceases.

Matthew Murdock is his name. I know nothing else, except that he’s blind and lives by himself: no pets, no people (except for those two blonde friends of his). Also: he has very nice suits. Maybe he was hurt? I decide to knock quietly, without making much noise. Perhaps he was just dreaming. That would be silly of me… I knock. And wait. No one comes to the door. “Hello? Matthew?”

I wait a bit longer.

And then a little more.

Nothing.

Well… that was a waste of Venus’ time. I turn to move back into bed with my cat when keys rattle in the door. Matthew coughs from behind it and opens up to meet me there. He comes out of his home, leaving the door open. “Good evening,” he says. “Are you ok?”

“Um… Yeah. I should be the one asking, I thought I’d heard some noises. Are you ok?” He smiles just a little. His red-tinted glasses reflecting what little light we had on the hall.

“Yeah. I’m ok. Thanks for asking.” The stubble on his face looks good and I could barely say that about a lot of men. I keep looking at him and can’t stop. A simple, white t-shirt covers his torso and grey sweatpants give him a great I’m sleeping look. “And you are…?” All of a sudden, something runs between my legs and startles me so hard I jump 3 miles up.

“Venus!” She runs straight into his apartment and I go straight after her without thinking of anything but getting the cat. I pick her up as fast as possible when I realize I’ve never been on this side of the door before. “I’m so sorry,” I tell Matt as I leave his place.  He looks surprised, and slightly amused, but hasn’t moved a single bit from the hall. I pass by him gripping Venus and notice his head is hurt but don’t say anything. I open my door and throw Venus inside, making sure it’s actually shut behind me this time. “I’m not Venus, I’m (Y/N). And I didn’t mean to go into your place, I’m sorry, that cat is wild.”

“It’s ok,” he smiles, “she must be good company.” Silence ensues and I don’t know how to approach that once I’d seen it, the bleeding gash on his head couldn’t be unseen.

“How did it happen?” I say, quietly as if it was a secret.

“An accident. Chemicals got in my eyes when I was younger.”

“Oh, no I- I didn’t mean- I’m sorry, that’s not-” I take a deep breath to calm down. “I meant your head. How did you hurt your head.”

Matthew seems surprised. His mouth gapes open for a second and he chuckles at the misunderstanding. “I’m sorry. Just a very common question.”

“I didn’t mean to embarrass you.”

“You didn’t. I hit my head. Feeling a little sluggish, left the bed, hit the doorway face first. No big deal.” He smiles. I smile. He can’t see me, but I really can’t stop looking at him. Maybe that’s why I don’t feel shame on doing that. My legs are uncovered and shivers go down my spine. I’m not sure what temperature my body is trying to go for. His smile must be the cutest and kindest I’ve ever seen. Only thing is… No door could’ve hit back so hard to split his head open. Not that I’m gonna say anything, I’m not. Leave a man to his own devices. But...

I raise my hand to meet the right side of his face, “May I? Take off your glasses, I mean.” I add, remembering he wouldn’t be able to notice my pointing. He breathes in deep and nods, pursing his lips. I slowly pull off the red spectacles, hang them on my old t-shirt’s neckline and analyze a dark red patch over his cheekbone, the same side where the cut was. Once more, I don’t say a thing, even if my heart is hammering in my chest and Matthew’s breaths make him seem uneasy. A drop of blood slowly trickles down around his eye and trying to clean it would only make a mess so I abstain. My hand touches the soft, hot circle in his cheek. His eye closes up a bit but he doesn’t flinch at it any more than that, even if I’m pretty sure it must hurt.

“You didn’t hit your head.” I make no further comments. I’m not stupid enough to believe him. His body shuffles and stiffens a bit but he doesn’t retreat from my touch. His cheek is flaming and whatever did this was most likely not an inanimate object.

“I might have been slightly inebriated. The door hit back quite hard.” I completely dismiss the new part of this lie cause the injury seems quite recent and he does not smell like the whiskey I’m sure he’d enjoy on a night out playing pool somewhere. He smells like perfect musk and the heat in his body is making it all the more inebriating to me, my skin prickles just thinking about it.

“You’ll need stitches. 3. Maybe 4. Hospital?”

“No.” Matt answers me faster than anything he’s said so far. His lost eyes search my face, dead serious. “No hospital. I’m fine.”

“And I can help.” The drop of blood comes down the side of his face and I swipe it from his jaw. I let my hand off his face, feeling his stubbled cheek scratch my skin. His eyes wander my jawline and I shift the weight in my legs. “Vet school. Not as good as Human Med school but it’ll keep your forehead together.” Matthew’s eyebrows furrow slightly. He steps back and holds the door of his apartment for me. I take a deep breath and enter his home for the second time tonight.

I start noticing a bunch of things I hadn’t realized the first time around. The living room had no TV. The lights were all off. The door to the rooftop was half open, from which a cold breeze came in, and the huge windows on the living room shined with such brightness it took me a second to adapt to the weird, shimmering glitter of electronic ads.

“Make yourself at home,” Matt says. I can’t. I stand still in the living room, taking in how he must live and how much the place speaks about him. The way he smells is everywhere now. Matt smiles slightly but says nothing, turns his back to me, without as much as feeling his way around, and goes in the kitchen.  “I’ll pick up the medkit, don’t worry.” I follow him.

“Thanks. Just gonna wash my hands.”

“Oh, of course.” He points to the sink behind him.

He gets the kit, a small rattling bag, in a cabinet and takes it to the living room. I keep my eyes on the way he moves while soaping my hands. Long legs, bare feet, no worries on guiding himself, probably knowing his way by heart amongst his own house. Matthew sits not on the couch, but on one of the two armchairs in the living room as if to not leave me a minute off his sight. That is, if he could see me. His legs are sprawled out, his arms hanging from the chair nonchalantly. He put the bag on the floor beside him, I see, as I dry my hands in a random dishcloth.

“Ok, let’s see what’s inside bag number one.” I put his glasses on the low center table and kneel beside it with the kit. Instead of giving me a medkit with a couple of band-aids and some oxygenated water, like mom’s are used to having, this looks more like what a surgeon might carry around (for emergency surgeries, you know, as one does). “Damn, you’re packed.”

He snickers a little loudly and I blush deeply as I realize. I’m kneeling right beside him, with my face in the same height as... I mean, not that he isn’t, I can tell by the sweatpants, but that isn’t what I meant. My entire face gets hot with embarrassment and he brushes it off. “I learned you can never be too careful with your health,” I mumble whatever I can in agreement.

I pick up a tweezer and needle, attach some thread to it, cut it carefully over the table. Matt says nothing. I get up when I think it’s at least reasonable work with the needle. I’ve done better in the clinic, with lights on, but I can’t be picky. I try leaning or sitting on the side of the chair but that makes it too high for me to angle at his face. Standing is the same issue. Matt sits around trying to help me out but this isn’t working well. He could’ve sat on the couch, damn him. Matthew sits further to the tip of the chair. “Here,” he says.

Matthew’s hands find my waist and pull me in. His warm hands give the insides of my uncovered legs shivers. All my hairs stand up at the feel of his touch. Matt sits me on his left leg, straddling his thigh. My breath catches and if I heard it, there’s no doubt he had too. His lips part slightly. The height is perfect for me to reach his face, even if this is a little unorthodox for patient and doctor. I don’t think that’s the kind of relationship we’re both going for anymore.

“This might hurt a bit.” His eyes shut, I’m so close I can tell every single eyelash from the next. I see the pores on his cheeks. I see the faint glares of tiny other scars he has in other parts of his face, hidden around his hairline, dressing his jaw. I notice his hand still hasn’t left my waist.

“I’m used to it,” Matt says. I’m sure he is. I close in with my body, my panties scratching against his sweatpants. We both breathe in deep. I feel a little wetness slowly trickling down to my underwear. His hands hold me strongly but providing room for me to move. His thigh is firm and warm under the fabric, giving in perfect pressure around some sensitive parts of mine.

I try keeping my cool and start the suture. His face flinches slightly as I poke him with the needle, and I only see him through the shimmer of the lights outside. It’s enough to get it done. It takes 4 stitches. I knot the end of it, but remember how I left the scissors on the table when rummaging the bag. My heart is beating loud, not sure if worried I’m messing this up or trying to keep my body from seeping in his pants. I don’t want to ruin this positioning though, so I lean back to catch the scissors without leaving. He puts his hands up my torso, holding me up. Just as my hand grabs it, I start wondering how long we can keep this up without a turn of events where both of us are naked. I’d say 5 minutes. I cut the thread but neither of us moves to make me leave.

“It’s done. You’ll live.”

“I’m sure.”  He smiles. “Are you in a hurry?”

“God, no.”

“Good.” His hands go down on my body and then up my thighs, rubbing once more while my skin prickles by our close contact. He picks up the needle and scissors from me, puts them on the ground, leaning into my ear. His hot breath touches my neck. “I’ll make you feel things no one has ever done before.”

I believe every second of it. A soft moan comes from my mouth. The tips of my toes are touching the floor and I push myself on his thigh. He grunts and bites my neck, licking and kissing it after. “You like grinding on my thigh?”

One of my hands is resting on his chest and the other I move to pull on his thick hair. He snakes one of his hands to find my uncovered nipples and his heavy hand pinches one of them. He suddenly slaps my thigh hard and I whimper loudly. “Answer.”

“Yes. I love it. Fuck, Matthew.”

He leans back in the chair, hands on my hips and smiles at me, waiting.

“Undress,” he asks simply. I moan at how demanding he is on what he wants. I get up and take my long tee and panties off. Matthew does the same with his shirt and pants, no underwear.

“Come on then,” he says. “I want to feel you dripping on my leg.” Both my hands grasp his shoulders, bracing myself as I join him again. His entire body is a work of art, perfectly muscular, lean. My wet pussy sits right on his thigh and I start off slow but there’s no hiding how much I enjoy feeling him between my legs. My head drops and opening my eyes I can see his hard dick, neglected, throbbing between us. I lick my lips in want but don’t let up on humping him.

Matt comes forth and licks my lower lip so slow I might be dreaming. I realize this is the first time his lips have touched mine but I’m already intoxicated. His hands touch my breasts and massages them, touching the nipples, pulling them even. I’m so close to coming, the moans falling from my mouth are long gone into hard breaths and Matthew kisses me, holding the back of my head and my waist as my hips keep moving. His tongue sensuously touches mine, the stubble on his face roughly grazing my chin and I suddenly come, wetting his thigh even more. He smiles while kissing me and bites my lower lip. “Good girl. What do you want?”

“I wanna feel your cock in my mouth.”

He smiles openly and sucks my nipples one by one circling them, kissing and biting my breasts. I sigh. “There’ll be time for that later.”

Matthew pushes me up and leads me to the couch. “Let me thank you for taking care of me,” he says. Turning my back to him, he pushes me softly to kneel on the couch. I bring my hands to the back of the couch and lower my head between them, waiting for his next move. Matthew’s dick slowly coats himself in my wetness, grazing all over my sensitive clit and I shudder. My legs falter and his other hand holds my hip in place. I lick and bite my lips to keep from being too loud but to no avail when he puts his heavy head right on my entrance and stops moving.

“Do you want me to fuck you?” He asks. I writhe and whimper waiting for him to fill me. He slaps my ass and fills me up all at once making me scream in pleasure.

“Since you didn’t answer, twice, if you moan, I stop,” he warns me. Matthew starts a punishing pace, going slow and the deepest anyone had ever been. His cock is thick and his head drags along my softest spot.  He licks his fingers and puts them against my clit without even moving, just letting the drag and sway of our hips torture me. I bite my lip, my arm, the sofa, anything I can put my mouth on to keep me from moaning but keep pushing back against his cock wanting him even faster, but he doesn’t want me to get off so easily. I look back to see him frowning and focused.

“You’re being so quiet, I think you deserve some reward. Tell me what you want,” he swats my ass cheek. I yelp and take a heartbeat to start begging.

“Oh please, Matthew, please, move faster, let me come.”

“Scream for me.”

Matthew grabs my hair and pulls to him so my head is off the couch while drilling into me, rubbing my clit with his fingers. I scream his name over and over again until I’m on the verge of falling off a cliff.

“Fuck, Matthew, come inside me, please, YES.” My walls start clenching around him and his grip on my hair and hips is so tight I can barely shudder. My body goes taut and I feel him fill me up. I moan loudly and he grunts, letting go of my hair, leaving my scalp hurting - but such good pain. He pulls out of me and puts his fingers to my dripping pussy before we both collapse on the couch, breathing heavily and smiling at the feel.

“My friends call me Matt.”

“Ok, Matthew.”

He chuckles. “Don’t start.”

“Give me 10 minutes.”

[foolscapper]

Exploding Head Syndrome: A MCU Post-IW Fanfic | Ch. 4

(READ IN CHRONOLOGICAL ORDER.)

What happens when you pile a bunch of doctors into a medical wing with a catatonic spider-kid? A hell of a lot of things going on at once, it turns out. Bruce can't complain about it, because it at least keeps him focused on anything other than himself; life has been one big roller-coaster he hasn't been able to get off of since Ultron (no, wait, way before that), and all he wants is to sit in a lab and work on anything that isn't his own self-worth and mental capsizing. Two years killing aliens for sport as a gladiator will do that to you. Yeah, he still hasn't figured out how to work with this, so he just went ahead and put all that in a way-too-small box in his brain. Hooray for compartmentalizing.  Back to work. Cho has already gently pulled a sample of Parker's tissue from one of his arms to study his particularly complex cell structure, as is her particularly crucial talent, and Strange has returned from his own collection of ancient texts, Wong hovering at his side to offer whatever knowledge he can in the ways of the soul — to which Bruce knows Tony's grateful, but he also is well-aware that the man is running on fumes by the third day of diagnostics. The genius had been animated with the news of Peter's return, and that scene outside is still fresh in his mind as he eyes the reports that have come back from MRI scans of Peter's brain. There's no damage, no signs of anything that would cause this kind of dramatic loss of self, which Bruce semi-expected with the way Dr. Strange had gone on about the potential effects of the stones on a kid like Peter. There are variables. It's possible someone did this to him — that he was targeted, that maybe Thanos did something specific in the snap that left Peter completely vulnerable to complications. That doesn't too much sense in the grand scope of things, but it surely the madman had some range of control over who stayed and who went. The thing is, Thanos was dead. This shouldn't be a complication. Should it? 

Perhaps it's someone outside of Thanos. Someone from his roster, maybe. But that would also be an odd way to handle payback, especially when the Guardians and Strange were also at their mercy. Bruce didn't rule out the possibility that something from the planet itself might have effected Parker, especially when Titan may very well effect every one of them differently. Strange collected some of the dirt and debris carried over onto the Benatar, and from Peter and Drax's boots, but the results of the study yielded very little. "He's not completely human, that much is certain," Cho says, not unkindly. "If you look at the way his DNA is structured, it is much different than any string I would pull from myself or any normal boy off the street. But if there's a correlation with the way he's reacted to resurrecting, I have not found it yet." Bruce glances at Tony, biting his lip. "His brain scans are clean, too. I've sent everything to Shuri, though, just in case they can find something we don't. Which, you know, is a... pattern... lately..." Tony was up at all hours after the kid had been put to bed, compiling all manner of documents highlighting medical complications and disorders of the mind, and at this point Bruce is tempted to lock him out of the lab (though he's also more than aware he may also be punched in the teeth for it, and the last thing anyone needs is for Hulk to finally decide to pop back in)... Three whole days, though. It's not healthy, and yes, he's not the pinnacle of good mental health himself, but... He twiddles with a pen in his hands, once the two of them are alone (well, Peter is here, too... so they're alone enough). "Hey, we've got this. You're not gonna be any good to this kid if you're passing out mid-conversation." "We've got a bigger problem than that," Tony mumbles, rubbing at the exhaustion all over his face. They're both sitting at a counter near the lounge chairs; why aren't they sitting on the lounge chairs? Bruce is seeing a missed opportunity for comfort here. Peter has the right idea.

Tony adds, "... He hasn't eaten anything."

And okay, that is a pretty important thing to bring up. He'd been putting it off in the hopes they'd find something sooner, to avoid what he figured might have to be done. But even with practically living in the lab with this unresponsive kid, they're no closer to closing in on what's making him tick — or not tick, in this case — and resources are waning. Bruce bites his lip, not happy with what he'll have to say. "He's going to need a temporary feeding tube of some kind, soon. Until we can get any kind of result." "Oh, god." And Bruce sees in his friend's eyes, the slow unraveling that comes with helplessness. He wishes there was something he could say that was any more calming, but the fact of the matter is that Peter is his patient for the meanwhile, and he has to say exactly what's in the kid's best interest, whether it's emotionally draining or not. He's tired, they're all tired, Peter's probably hungry, and nobody wins in this situation. "He's not a typical case, either. His metabolism is too high to do anything different, Tony, I'm sorry. He's already losing way too much weight for just being a few days back, and IV drips are only gonna get us so far. Even if he's not mentally there right now, it's not humane to—" Tony's fist is a sharp, echoing sound against the metal table under his arm. "I know, alright? I know!"  A silence falls over them where they sit, and Peter — as always — only blinks and breathes where he sits nearby. It must be so much, to watch someone you love look like this for so long. Too long. Every glance in the boy's direction is a reminder of just how powerless they can all be, despite their collective minds, their hours and hours of best efforts. Bruce leans back, almost affronted by the simmering heat in Tony's rounded shoulders, tapping his pen to his teeth a few times before he says with a raised brow, "... Are you gonna hulk out on me? Do I need to get the armor out?" It works enough to tame the beast. And maybe even earn a hidden, miserable smile as Tony's face descends into shadow behind his fists. "Ha, ha. Very funny." More softly, Bruce replies, "... It won't be a big deal. It's an hour-long surgery at most, and it's extremely noninvasive and basic, and Cho can do it in her sleep. It's just a little button, practically — you won't even notice anything's any different, and he'll be all the more healthy for it, right? It's for Peter's well-being." Tony cards a hand through his hair, looking at Peter, who is sitting as compliantly as the day he'd been walked in.  "... You're a fucking pain in the ass, Pete," he says.  It's a strained response, and Bruce reaches out to cup one of Tony's shoulders. His doctoring isn't just limited to Peter, and he can see just how drained Tony is; he wears the bags under his eyes like a fashion accessory, and while that's usually all fine and good and expected of someone like him, enough is enough. He can't watch his friend self-combust in front of him."And you need to rest. I'm serious, man. Do you think he wants you to overwork yourself to death here?" "He doesn't want anything right now, because nobody's at the door, Bruce. And I don't know what to do." "Right now? Sleeping is what you do. You're no good to him if you're not at your best." A pause. "I'm getting Pepper." He stands, and Tony looks after him helplessly.  "No, hey — goddammit."

Stephen has met few as stubborn as Tony Stark, but he supposes that's one reason the earth had ultimately been in the best of hands, against Thanos and his unruly power. It takes a few arguments and a hell of a lot of coaxing and an unfair advantage of using a two year old baby, but eventually Tony relents with Bruce and Stephen's promise that they won't do anything until Tony can decide how to approach May Parker about this (this poor woman doesn't even know, she has no clue, and how are they going to explain to this poor woman that her adoptive son is here but not here at all?). Tony also adds an addendum, that he has to be present for every goddamn moment of any surgery involved here no matter how small, 'so help me god'. It's a fair request, one that Stephen gives his word to honor. He consults with Cho and Bruce, and they're in agreement: a percutaneous endoscopic gastrostomy, however temporary it is, is imperative for their patient. It would have never been something he would have cared about, in his professional career. He would have not given Peter Parker a second glance in the hospital, would have passed him off to someone else like he had been the most minor of roadblocks. A thoughtful silence falls over them as Dr. Cho talks about their short-term gameplan. Strange admittedly has a lot he should be doing; the Time Stone is back in its rightful place, and the whole world is reeling from the events of the last few years. He'd only given himself enough time to comb through old records at the Sanctum and remind Christine, rather lamely, that he's back from the dead.  She had nearly strangled him in her embrace, but it was a soft moment he wouldn't trade for anything.   "... I'll oversee the surgery as well," he finally speaks, glancing back at Peter. He's been there for every step of the conversation, and part of him hopes that a teenager hearing the word 'surgery' applied to them will make them suddenly spring to life with anxiety, like a kid realizing he's on his way to a dentist. Nothing of the sort happens, but even Stephen is not allergic to hopeful optimism. "I can promise you, he'll be in safe hands," Cho says worriedly, but he shakes his head with a raised hand. "It's not that. I trust you to be knowledgeable; you're a credit to your field. I just want to know for myself as well, that everything goes exactly as expected." If he can't take an hour out of his day to look out for a teammate, then he doesn't deserve to wear the cloak. "We'd love to have you," Bruce says, then smiles a little. "Are you, uh. Close with Peter?" He considers it for a moment, and only a moment, fleeting. For some reason, most of that moment comprises of memories, of one Peter Parker excitedly rambling at him about magic and floating cloaks for an hour prior to crash landing. He huffs a breath, almost a laugh. "Not particularly, to be honest. I'd only met him on an alien spaceship a day before we all were killed. But — his involvement in our timeline can't be overstated. And... the kid did save my life. And helped me avoid a great deal of torment. So I suppose he's a temporary... ward, of sorts. I'm indebted to him. What about you?" "This is the first time I've met him, actually. But... he means a lot to Tony. And..." The doctor grows quiet for a moment with folded, contemplative arms, and Cho and Stephen give him a moment to continue. "And — I know what it's like." Strange cocks his head. Bruce sighs through his nose, eyes darkening with discontentment. A storm of ugly memories, all kept under lock and key; Stephen knows about the Hulk, of course, but he can hardly imagine the sorts of horror shows only Bruce banner is privy to. The man says, "I know what it's like, to be trapped in your own body. Maybe he's not, not exactly, and nothing like how I've been before, but... either way, he deserves to have it back." That's all that needs to be said. Stephen rises to leave after some time and a couple of warm drinks, hearing Bruce speaking effortlessly to Peter from around the corner before he fades further and further from earshot: "Hey kid, you're pretty good at this whole meditation thing; I'm a pro at it, myself. We should go out and get some air, maybe practice on the lawn. You could use some sunlight before you turn into a lab hermit like the rest of us old men." Wong hovers in the main corridor, newly arrived. A good sign. Stephen walks with him.  "Anything from the Sanctum about the stones that might help this?" "Not very much," Wong relents. "What little can be found are based in texts that predate most everything we know as masters. However... I was able to look into what the Ancient One left behind in her many records and found something potentially helpful — and that is not necessarily something about the infinity stones, but about astral projection. I'll have to show you when we return, so you can help me decipher her chicken scratch." Stephen laughs softly, and they enjoy the sound of each other's footsteps. "... Do you have any theories, about what's actually wrong with the boy?" Strange purses his lips, and says at cautious length, "It's all just a theory, but... the woman, Mantis, she had been able to sense him within his body for a short time, even if it wasn't for long. I think more than anything else, it's possible that Peter returned to himself momentarily like the rest of us — and then panicked and let himself sink back into... wherever we all were." "Panicked?" Wong's brow furrows. "Over being alive again?" "... Over the pain of it. Stark had a hard time talking about it, but from what I can gather from his recollections, Peter's death was extraordinarily different from the rest of us. He felt that something was wrong before he'd passed, and it took him much longer than the rest of us to die. If I had to fathom a guess... I think maybe his composition was his own undoing. He's a scared child who couldn't cope with re-living that moment of suffering." "And what is the solution to that? Is there any?" Stephen looks to the side, where Bruce and Peter are resting in the sun, not too far from where the Benatar had landed — with them and bad news. For a moment Stephen worries about the safety of a mentally lost boy and a doctor sorely lacking in control over his green rage-monster, but then he notices the blot of red on the rooftops — Natasha Romanoff, accompanied by a suited-up Sam Wilson, watching with bird-like eyes over the resting figures.  Stephen smiles faintly despite himself. "None that I can offer anyone right now. There may not be a solution. Even the Scarlet Witch couldn't find any foothold in the kid's mind... There's no link that we can find between him and the physical world. But if there's any hope at all, and if all else truly fails... my personal bet is on the Soul Stone." Though maybe �� and this is a fluttering, unprofessional thought in the grand scheme of things — the extended hands of Peter Parker's worried team may be part of that solution, too. Stephen makes a mental note to compile as much as he can to give to Stark from the Ancient One's writings. And he gives silent thanks to her, that even after her passing, she's managed to help provide obnoxiously useful words of wisdom, be it in slowed thunder storms or old, time-stained scrolls.

[machine-gunn-eddie]

Grease is the Word - pt 2

A/N: Oh hey! I started this eons ago and I’m not caught up on all the recent WWE happenings so sorry if it’s a little off! This was originally going in a hurt/comfort direction with the greasy bffs but then SAnitY dropped the tag titles so it went more in a injured Dean Ambrose adopts SAnitY, pity parties with them, more at 11 sort of direction. Here it is in all it’s ramble-y glory!

Note: Set directly following SAnitY losing the NXT Tag Team titles, with Dean’s surgery a couple of days before, and goes through Christmas Raw.

Tagging: @tozawas who I wrote the original for! I hope you enjoy some more of the greasy kids! You rock my socks!

Read part one here: [link]

So maybe going to visit a bunch of batshit NXTers with one good arm isn't really doctor recommended, but hey, if he’s gonna go nuts from the boring ass physical therapy, he might as well have friends on the road to madness.

“Hey guys,” Dean calls out, arriving at the now disclosed undisclosed location Nikki had provided the address of. He enters through the open overhead door but decides to wait for the all clear before exploring further.

It’s...about as expected. Looks like some old warehouse, filled with old oil drums serving as fire pits and furniture that looks like it's been swiped from the local landfill. Kinda reminds Dean of the old Shield safehouses. Huh.

Nikki drops down beside him, hastily removing her round sunglasses and bandanna.

“Oh, it’s you! Hey guys! S’just Dean!” Nikki hollers over her shoulder.

The other members of SAnitY crawl out from their hiding places, shucking off their hastily thrown on jackets and sending warm greetings his way. False alarm.

“How you holding up?” Nikki asks, eyeing Dean’s heavily wrapped arm.

“Well as I can, I guess,” Dean shrugs with one shoulder, putting on a tough front. Getting injured sucks, and there’s a million negative thoughts that should be racing through his head, but Dean’s chosen to reschedule the self-loathing hour in favor of doing something more productive.

Well, Dean’s idea of productive anyway.

“How are you guys holding up?” Dean asks, returning the question.

“They dunnae let me fight.” Nikki’s face scrunches up in way that just radiates annoyance and anger. “I should have taken out Adam, but they didn't let me, they dragged me away.” She kicks at the ground, displacing dust in an irritated motion. “I should have bit ‘is ears off. Those titles were ours.” Her expression softens when she looks back over at her teammates. “Eric’s been up all night planning for revenge. Killian and Wolfe both think it's their fault. They’ve been fighting about it all morning.”

“Well that’s no good,” Dean declares, stepping further into the warehouse. “C’mon, I rented an SUV, we’re going for some team bonding time.”

“Where?” Nikki asks, putting her sunglasses back on.

“Surprise,” Dean says, waving over the boys as best he can. “Can’t say. Let's go! Chop chop!”

…

Cramming four huge guys (plus Nikki) into a five seater was difficult, but not impossible. Dean insisted on driving, even though he could only use one hand. It would have been a hazard, had Dean’s driving not already been classified as hazardous, so they let it slide.

“Dis...is a McDonald’s,” Nikki notes from the backseat, as they turn into the drive-thru line.

“You got something against Micky D’s?” Dean asks, raising an eyebrow in the rear view mirror. His sunglasses are atrocious, as always. Nikki has half a mind to ask Killian to reach across the console and smack them off Dean’s face, but unfortunately he’s piloting the vehicle she’s currently trapped in.

“I...uh, no?” Nikki responds, looking over to Eric for confirmation. He just shrugs. SAnitY is neutral when it comes to McDonald’s, then.

“Good, because breakfast food is good for the soul, and they got it all day.”

…

An hour later, sitting beach side and downing McGriddles and sweet tea with her makeshift family, Nikki has to admit a fast food day really was good for the soul.

But not the brain apparently.

“Jesus Alex, slow down,” Dean mutters, as Wolfe begins a chant of “ow” while rubbing at his forehead. “Brainfreeze is a sonofabitch, eh?” Dean chides lightheartedly, plucking the shake from Wolfe’s hand. “Here, let me help you save the few brain cells you got left,” he declares, taking a long, obnoxiously loud sip from the shake.

Alexander’s indignant cry is a source of laughter for the rest of the crew. Said laughter grows when Wolfe plucks Dean’s horrible sunglasses off his face and puts them on; Dean unable to retaliate with his good hand full of milkshake.

Good for the soul, indeed.

…

“What?!” Dean shouts, spitting beer out across the couch. Nikki gets caught in the spray, but thinks nothing of it as she tries to keep from choking on her strawberry milkshake.

They’ve spent Christmas Day thus far together; Nikki deciding it wasn't worth the money to fly back to Scotland and Dean accepting her (aggressive) invitation once she realized he’d be left alone on Christmas Day. Somehow they’d acquired some Five Guys burgers and a 12 pack of Bud Lite that Dean was now steadily working through prior to the start of Monday Night Raw.

It’s been a blast so far, watching Raw together in Nikki’s apartment. They’d been doing their own commentary to go with whatever Michael Cole and Co. were rambling on about, and cracking all sorts of jokes that probably weren't even that funny but were just side-splitting in the moment to them.

It’s been an up and down kinda Raw, but they’ve kept it entertaining, from booing the boring parts and chucking empty beer cans at the flatscreen, to Dean loudly cheering on Roman’s quest for vengeance, to Nikki singing along and imitating Asuka’s entrance as her music hit. They flipped off Samoa Joe together when he appeared, and Nikki blew a kiss to Renee for Dean, who’s one good arm was occupied holding his can of beer. Not your average Christmas, but it's been a good time thus far, Dean’s gotta admit.

God, the ending though. Not much was gonna save that.

“T’ats fuckin’ bull!” Nikki shouts, regaining use of her voice.

“Fuckin’ Jason Jordan? With the tag belt? What?!” Dean yells, eyes wide, slamming his beer can down on Nikki’s battered coffee table. “That’s fuckin’—” Dean trails off, pulling at his hair in anguish. “M’gonna kill Seth, I’m gonna wring his friggin’ neck—”

“How?” Nikki asks, halting Dean’s train of thought.

“What?”

“How are you gonna wring ‘is neck?” Nikki questions, chewing on her straw. “You got one arm.”

“This...is true,” Dean concedes. He isn't really sure how to follow that up. It's real hard to plan for vengeance when you know you’re injured and you can picture Roman Reigns making a disappointed dad face. Real hard.

“I got two arms,” Nikki states. Matter-of-factly. Mathematically. It takes two arms to choke out your idiot little brother. Dean has two but can't use one. Nikki has two arms. Can they still murder Seth freakin’ Rollins? Solve for x.

“This...is also true,” Dean smirks. He’s shit at math but that adds up. Somehow.

Nikki looks excited, wanting to defend his honor in some strange sort of (homicidal) way, and Dean’s touched, honestly. It's strange to see anyone getting that angry on his behalf besides Roman, and Nikki is...a little bit smaller than the Big Dog, to say the least. She’s no less deadly, however, and Dean is real, real glad she’s on his side. It's good to have friends. Friends who care, even better.

Maybe they’re just empty threats, (god knows Dean’s tried to bury Seth before, and no amount of steel cages and concrete would keep either of them down) but Nikki and Dean have fun plotting the ridiculous ways they could take out Seth for the rest of the night and into morning.

And maybe if he had Nikki text a couple of those threats to Seth from her phone, well...Seth could use some humbling every now and then, right?

…

“Question,” Roman inquires over the phone a couple of days later.

“Shoot,” Dean says, balancing his cell between his shoulder and his ear while he tries to tie his boot laces without throwing his arm out. My kingdom for some Velcro.

“Seth’s been jumping at shadows since Christmas. From what I could catch, he thinks some NXT kids are stalking him or something,” Roman explains. “You uh...wouldn't happen to know anything about that, would you?”

“Nope,” Dean replies.

Ro just sort of chuckles, knowing instinctively that Dean, as always, is full of shit.

Dean says his goodbyes to Roman, playing up the innocent act for Rome’s amusement. Roman wouldn’t condone Seth getting hurt, (he is their brother, even when he’s being an absolute asshat) but hey, a little paranoia-inducing rib never hurt anybody.

His phone chimes a minute or two after ending the call with Roman. It’s a text from an number he recognizes as Nikki’s. No message, just a slightly blurry photo of Eric Young waiting behind the concrete of some area backstage, with Seth in the far background, unaware.

Dean can imagine the terror SAnitY’s presence was forcing on an unsuspecting Seth Rollins. Sometimes the Hounds of Justice need a little justice of their own, it seems.

That’s for giving away my tag title, asshole, Dean thinks, cracking a smile at the mayhem. He’ll text Seth later and tell him it’s all good, but for now he’s gonna enjoy making the Kingslayer sweat a little. It’s his job as his brother to keep him in line anyway.

He texts Nikki back a thank you and gets a picture of Eric and her giving a thumbs up in response.

It’s good to have friends.

[jake-guentzel-59]

Shoot your Shot Part 1 - Auston Matthews

Now this is my first imagine and don’t be mad if you actually like it because it doesn’t have a lot of Auston in it all. I want this to be a series if people actually like it  maybe like 4 or 5 parts? I feel like you need to get the main character first so most of this is about her. I’m working on part 2 and if this part has a good response I’ll post part 2 sometime tomorrow. Sorry again for the lack of Auston. Words: 1810 Warnings: Some cursing, mentions of some penguins players ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Finally being able to go a NHL game and watch your two favourite teams play is like a dream come true. The Penguins have always been your number one team but moving to Toronto has made you fall in love with the Maple Leafs. Auston Matthews may also have something to do with your new-found love for them. Moving to Toronto has been one of the best things that has ever happened to my family. My mom and dad got a pretty nasty divorce a couple of months ago. They never got along and were always fighting when they were together. He caught my mom cheating with his best friend. It broke his heart, I don’t think I've ever seen him so sad before. He ended up moving to Toronto after getting the job of Head of Peds Surgery at The Hospital for Sick Children and taking my 4-year-old sister Madeline with him. I stayed with my mom in Quebec to finish the last month of senior year with all my friends but the day after graduation, I hopped on a plane straight to Toronto. Me and my mom never got along, we would always be fighting and yelling at each other, so I couldn’t wait to get to Toronto. I had a great summer here, maybe even the best summer I've ever had. I met a lot of great people. A couple of days ago my dad saved the life of 6-year-old boy. He suffered from a brain injury. It was a very difficult surgery; about 5 hours long. They kept losing him and didn't think he was going to make it. But he was a fighter and pulled through. His father was so grateful that my dad was able to pull it off. Him and his son came to Toronto to see the Leafs game but they couldn’t go due to his sons' surgery so he offered, scratch that, he MADE my dad take the tickets for everything he did. My dad never really followed hockey, only watched games when I was watching them, so he gave me the tickets and I took a friend with me. She was a huge Leafs fan so she was ecstatic when I told her I was taking her.

 It was game day and I couldn’t be more excited. I thought about wearing my Geno jersey to support the Pens but I decided that wasn’t a good idea going to a Leafs home game. I decided on just wearing a blue shirt seeing as I didn’t own a Toronto jersey. I had a tough time trying to find something seeing as me and group of friends were going out afterwards to celebrate my 19th birthday. I wouldn't have time to go home and change after the game, so I was trying to find something that wasn’t too flashy to wear to the game but nothing to boring to wear to a club. Finally finding an appropriate outfit, I started doing my hair and makeup.   "Logan, can you come downstairs for a minute?" My dad yelled. "Yeah, I'll be down in just a second!" I replied, finishing up my makeup. Making my way down the stairs, I'm greeted at the bottom by my dad, Madeline and my best friend Kenzie. Dad holding a cake with lit candles, Madeline had some balloons and Kenzie was holding Madeline. All of them wearing birthday hats. "Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you, happy birthday dear Logan, Happy birthday to you!" They all sang.   "Thank you guys so much!" I exclaimed, after blowing out the candles. "LOG, I made you a gift!" Madeline yelled excitedly squirming out of Kenzies arms. She went running into the living room and came running back out with a poorly wrapped gift that you could tell she did herself. After she handed it to me I opened it up to reveal a framed picture she painted of me and her. It had macaroni, feathers, pom-poms and way too much glitter.   "Thank you so much Mads, I'm gonna hang it on my wall so I can see it every day." I told her giving her a big hug. Madeline, or Mads as I call her, is only person I'm closer to than my dad. When she was born she had a heart defect and doctors didn’t think that she would survive. I knew the moment I first held her that I would do anything in the world just to protect her. "I'm glad you love it so much" She said. "I love it almost so much as I love you" I told her kissing her cheek. "Alright, time for my present" Dad said handing me a gift bag. I opened it up it find an Austin Matthews jersey. "I know you wanted to wear your Dino jer-"He started "Dad, its Geno" I corrected him laughing "Whatever or whoever it is, I know you wanted to wear his jersey but I also knew you secretly wanted to this guys jersey more, so I got Kenzie to help me out because I have no idea who any of this people are" He stated. "Thank you guys so much" I said giving them both hugs, "It's my second favourite present" I told them winking at Mads. "Well you never got my gift yet, just wait till we get the club after the game. I'm gonna get you fuc-… fudge, yeah I'm gonna get you fudge!" Kenzie corrected herself after my dad gave her a look because Mads was in the room. My dad was used to giving Kenzie this look. My best friend is very talkative, outgoing, and tends to say more curses than a grown man. My dad wasn't too sure of her the first time he met her but Mads just loved her. I met her my second day in Toronto at a small café. She works there as a barista and when I ordered my coffee, she wouldn’t shut up about how much she loved my make-up and that I had to do hers later that night because she had a 'hot date'. She wouldn't take no for an answer, so I needed up doing her make-up for her date. We talked and got to know each other very well. Later that night at about 1 or 2 in the morning, I got a text from her saying that because of my make-up skills, I helped her get the love her life and also the best sex of her life. They have been dating for about 3 months and they're hands down the cutest couple I've ever seen. Kenzie would have my back for anything. She's helped me through my parents' divorce and to get over my summer fling. I would be lost without her. "Well it's 7:30 now so you guys should be heading out now if you want to make it on time" Dad told us pushing us out the door. Kenzie decided on driving to the game, leaving the jeep there after the game and getting an Uber to the club. She wasn’t too worried about leaving the jeep there because it was her brothers and she didn’t care what happened to it. Her and her brother were nowhere as close as me and Mads. Also, according to her both of us needed to get very fucked up tonight because I didn't live in Toronto for her 19th so we had to make up for lost time. "I'm so excited for this game. Maybe you'll even catch a certain Mr. Matthews eye with your new jersey if the seats are close enough." She said wiggling her eyebrows "Where are we sitting anyways?" "Yes, I'm going to make him fall in love with me while I'm screaming at refs at all of their stupid calls but I believe were glass seats near the Toronto bench but I'm not sure, I don't know my way around the ACC that good yet" I stated. The rest of the 20-minute drive was just us screaming singing, very badly may I add, to our favourite songs. We finally made it to our seats just in time for warm up to start. Our seats were glass seats right next to the Leafs bench. Kenzie insisted that I had to sit in the seat closest to the bench because there's no way my future husband wasn't sitting on that bench. Ever since me and my summer fling broke things off, she has been trying to set me up with just about any guy that looked my way. She says I'm too pretty to just waste life away by myself but I'm perfectly fine without a boy. I don't think I need a guy so I'm not really out looking but I happen to stumble upon a good one I wouldn’t say no. "Oh my god there's Geno and Jake and Crosby, this is the best day ever!" I exclaimed to Kenzie "I think you might be at the wrong home game, like how are not excited over Marner, Matthews or Nylander. My god Logan you're wearing a Matthews jersey at least pay some attention to the Leafs." She said to me laughing. "Yeah yeah whatever, I guess you are right though. Matthews looks pretty damn good in person" I told her laughing as well, "These seats are amazing, I'm gonna have to go to the hospital and thank the guy who gave them to my dad. You know what, there's still 15 minutes left of warm up I'm gonna go get something for him and his son. I'll be back in a few minutes" I walked out to the concession stand area. They were selling everything Toronto out there. I picked them out some small things like a Toronto teddy bear, foam finger, and a bunch of other knick knacks. Remembering how the dad was saying he was going to buy his son a jersey at the game to surprise him, I even picked up a small jersey for the little boy. Making it back to my seat with 5 minutes left of warm up. "Good your back, now I really think you should shoot your shot with Matthews and if that doesn’t work try Nylander. Now I know Matthews has a reputation of sleeping around a lot but I think you could tame hi-" Kenzie started before she was interrupted by a puck hitting the glass. "Jesus Christ!" I screamed while jumping. I was too busy listening to Kenzies’ 'plan' that it scared me more than it should have. "Who did that?' I asked as we both searched the ice to find the source. "I believe it was your future husband" She said as she pointed towards the ice. I followed her finger to Marner laughing and Matthews waving at us. "I guess he's shooting his shot first" I said waving back to him.  

[marshmalleaux-queen]

something that pisses me off

....but I'm going to put it under a read more because

a.) i'm certain no one wants a text wall full of rage all over their dash b.) i don't know a whole lot about this thing I'm pissed about so I want to save my baseless assumptions and irritation for people who actually want to involve themselves with my bullshit and spare myself the embarrassment of having it shown right off the bat c.) i don't know how long this might be because i'm just writing as i go d.) because fuck you thats why

So my mom has been denied disability benefits for what, third? fourth time? of course every single time we've said how much fucking bullshit that is but this time i asked to read the papers they sent her about why she got denied, and even though i did a small amount of skimming and didn't fully understand the terms (i would have asked mom for meanings but she is rightfully upset and doesn't even want to think about it), im still finding a lot of it.... fucking bullshit

So for the longest time, as long as I can remember really, my mom has been too sick to hold an actual job. She's got so many diagnoses I don't even know the names of right away, but I know she has (and i'll probably spell these wrong but right now i dont really care) fibromyalgia, endometryosis, some kind of disc disease (?), she's had so many surgeries (some of them were even purely exploratory i'm pretty sure,) procedures, been on so many medications, tons of which make her even MORE ill. some days she's in so much pain she can barely talk or move, and pretty much every morning it takes her hours to even get out of bed because it hurts so much, and god forbid (and please pardon if this is TMI???) her constipation has gone on for a long time because that just adds to it and makes it worse (there was actually one time where she didn't go for almost a MONTH, im not even fucking kidding), or that if she's not in pain she's instead violently ill and vomiting her brains out every half hour. Then there's the thing where if she stands up too fast, she's basically .01% away from passing the fuck out. none of that "woah small little head rush" shit, she literally fucking convulses and if it weren't for me or a well-placed object to support her she'd fall straight to the floor, hard. This isn't even going into detail about every other physical diagnosis she's had, nor is this even touching the MENTAL diagnoses (y'all think my depression/anxiety is bad, it's a fucking joke compared to hers)

And all of this stuff means that she CANNOT hold any kind of job. I know what you're thinking "but what about something mundane and doesn't require physical work" but then god forbid she can't come in because of the random EXCRUCIATING pain she's in or the incessant need to throw up, the passing out from standing up, what have you. Trust me, she is a stuborn and independent person who will stop at absolutely nothing to do what she needs to have done, and if she was physically capable of going out and doing any kind of work BELIEVE ME SHE WOULD. One of the biggest concerns and fears and things I have literally caught her CRYING ABOUT (and my mom DOES NOT CRY) is that she feels useless because she can't contribute to our family like my stepdad can, and thinks that her ailments can't be excuses for not working and such. Her ailments have affected her in basically every way and on every level i can think of.

so imagine when i ask to read the papers on why she's denied disability benefits and see all this bullshit they wrote. They said that even if she can't go out and do JOB jobs, she can still do simple tasks like cooking and cleaning and grocery shopping and leisure things like swimming, and that she can "still lift 10-20 pounds" and "remain in a standing/sitting working position longer than 8 hours" (that last one isn't verbatim but you get what i'm saying). So basically, they say she's incapacitated enough to not do a real working job, but she's not so incapacitated that she can't get up and do a house chore or pull a laundry basket up the stairs once in a while, and because of that she's not "disabled."

And in the same page (if not, the very next one), they said that her ailments might prevent her from doing hard physical labor, but that there are (and again, not VERBATIM but pretty damn close) "plenty of working opportunities in this economy that do not require physical labor that she has not taken." And i'm gonna fucking say it again, IF SHE WAS PHYSICALLY AND MENTALLY CAPABLE OF HOLDING ANY KIND OF WORKING JOB/OCCUPATION, EVEN DOING THE MOST MENIAL TASKS, SHE WOULD HAVE FUCKING DONE IT BY NOW.

In addition, they said that because she's gone to school and held jobs in the past (and it fell within a certain time period), she's not actually physically or mentally impaired. And let me tell you why that's another huge fucking crock of bullshit. The last time my mother has held a job or gone to college was when she was a single mother, living alone and taking care of two INFANT children with absolutely nobody else around to support every one of us. She was still just as ill as she is today, but she prioritized her children over anything else and would rather work TWO JOBS (oh yeah did I mention she took two part time jobs that basically equaled a full time job, because she fucking did) to care for her children rather than use her pain as an excuse to let us starve. If she was going to be a half decent mother, she had no other fucking choice than to push through to feed and clothe us and give us an education. And these fucking piles of shit are saying that because these circumstances were relatively recent, she can't be considered "disabled." What kind of baseless and uncaring bunch of absolute fucking bullshit do they think they're spouting.

And let's not forget the kinds of people who ARE on disability benefits. Sure, of course there are some people out there who genuinely need it (people who are paralyzed, SEVERELY mentally ill/incapacitated/slow, etc), but I bet you all the fucking money i have that most of the people who are recieving disability are lazy, uncaring, EXPLOITING piles of ungrateful shit who don't even have ANYTHING REMOTELY wrong with them, are fully capable of working and just CHOOSE not to, and on the off chance they do have children (because i'm certain a lot of them don't), they use them as a pathetic excuse to fall back on when they are COMPLETELY able of not only taking care of themselves but these (more often than not) PERFECTLY HEALTHY children as well. These people are given disability benefits with almost no issues, an my mother is denied four fucking times. Let that fucking soak in.

In short, these disability people are fucking disgraces to the human race and they can kiss my ass and fuck off to the deepest pits of hell.

thank you and i'll be here struggling to stop my hands from shaking if you need me