#good perspective practice too ig lol

[tezzbot]

As soon as Grian's pov of this dropped I knew I had to they're literally so silly

Here's the screenshots lol

[jsuika]

JUST FOUND YOUR BLOG AND I LOVE YOUR ART!!!!

Your line art is so smooth and the colors too! How are u underrated

Thanks :]]

Actually I remember doing thick linearts before to make it look like y2k bubbly styled and I was thinking of going back again since I wanted to make logos or icons like this one:

These ig were just a lil practice if someday I'll be making one (or more of these). Also this is just an example btw, these are artist-made game icons. Imo, if it were me to be commissioned to design one or if I was assigned by a game dev, then most likely its gonna look like something that y'all won't know who did that thing lol.

Besides, I'm pretty sure a lot of people were inspired by my artstyle. 😭 Also in case you guys don't know what these are, I'll show you guys mine. (NOTE: You can still check on archive, I don't mind though-)

Examples of my artworks with thick lineart:

The first one was Hatsune Miku fanart

I kinda remember drawing this back in the day since 2023, the sketch version (on my other sketchpad) was discontinued. Supposed to finish it but, sadly I gave up because the hair was something that reminded me of an Inkling from Splatoon (rarely I noticed the first miku fanart also reminded me too lmao).

I wish I'd do this again hopefully if I could use my artstyle, then yeah. Watch here if you want to see the speedpaint :3 : https://youtu.be/sRE3-snDGkM?si=op3tISbGFTjLCcdB

Next one is Bomb Rush Cyberfunk fanart

Okay LISTEN, I may not be good at anatomy but might as well tried especially RED's head. For the BG, I only duplicated the character + added a screenshot/fakescreenshot/whatever, to make it look related to both y2k & frutiger aero (same applies to Hatsune Miku).

Nothing to say much but I've been thinking of making more character concept arts in the future & maybe work on shoes since they look a bit too complicated much.

Overall, I'd say it isn't bad. I'll just leave as it is for now (until some BRC fan shows up and sees this).

Last but not the least, my very first artist-made album cover

I remembered drawing this for future use if I ever find a music composer either if they can do DnB, game soundtrack or whatever but it slightly depends on them. Also shout out to Lxchee Music! They're the ones who compose music like these. They even commented on my speedpaint video!!! (after using their songs lol).

Such a shame that I am limited to drawing only however, I wish I also was a composer of this whooooooole album then everyone's gonna listen to my bangers. One time I used to make music in Beepbox.co (a website where you can compose there).

There are some music-composing softwares that most people use for their game making & also songs. I wish I'd even use FL studio or other music-composing. Reminds me, I also have one friend who makes music (unrelated to dnb or any genre) using accordian & any other instruments that he uses. I swear, he is so good in composing Nintendo Orchestra-music related I can tell.

Conclusion

No worries though, I didn't say I hate using thick lineart but its sometimes too much for the anatomy still and might not fit pretty well. I can still do another one hopefully just to focus on more y2k aesthetic. But if it were me to learn anatomy, might as well use thin lineart and just increase to make it look like there is perspective on it.

Anyways, ig this might be a long one but I do hope you understand what I mean-

[peacockrulz]

dont say sorry we love the paragraphs!! tbh i cant stand a lot of md fanfics because of how they characterize uzi in particular, they just do not do her depth justice. and you're so right about the narration too. its so subtle but a lot of great fics go above and beyond to take narration from just describing the world to actually representing a characters perspective- literally and figuratively. hostile takeover is a masterclass in it tbh. its actually inspired me to try and get into writing for md because you need to be the content you want to see in the world ig- im starting with rp rn though because i find that to be the easiest way to get into a characters head, ya know? also your dollxn piece made me physically ill (positive). im shipping them now but exclusively in the way your fanart is framing it (also great song choice listening to it and staring at the art really sent me) - juzi anon

I think a good narration is like, an unspoken art when it comes to writing. I LOVE fics that make a point to have the characters thoughts be a part of the narration; It speaks volumes to how that person write the character themself and can even make for some really impactful dialog thats not even spoken. I think the biggest strength of Hostile Takeover (from the chapters I've read!) is its ability to make a character's narration show the subtle, unseen things about the characters themselves. (Which is why I love J's chapters so much, J puts up such a large persona that being able to read the thoughts she actually has is so!!! arugh!!!!!)

Also: I'm glad to see you taking an inspiration for writing, I've honestly thought many a time to force myself into writing fics just because theres so many ideas I have that I do not have the time or skill to illustrate lol. I actually started posting artwork because I wanted to see more fanart for my own rarepair!!! And I can understand the whole roleplaying thing (I haven't roleplayed canon characters since my.. *shudders* MMO days /j) I grew up on roleplaying and still do on occasion! (OCs I mean haha) I think its a great stepping stone to writing full blown chapters and stuff, all about practice or whatever!!

oh and: I'm glad you liked that piece lmao. N x Doll is one of those ships I thought about for 2 seconds and went "wait no I get it.". I've honestly thought about making more art of it just because its left such a impact on my skull. (ITs... the only enemies to lovers you could HAVE with N canonically w/o messing w/ his character and i am OBSESSED)

[fairycosmos]

omlll I just wanna be a normal girl who fits innnnn 😃 started a new internship and my colleague asked if I'm someone who stays at home all the time and if I have many friends the loner vibes were too strong ig

kind of a weird thing for your colleague to say lol but not on your end on their end. one of the worst things ab starting new jobs is knowing you're the newcomer and by default the odd one out - i think if happens even to people who usually fit in, too. the good news is that if i met someone like you at work who seemed more introverted it would be such a relief and it'd feel like we're on the same page. so it really does just depend on everyone's own perspective, which you actually don't have that much involvement in. ur worth really isn't defined by others like that - but at the same time i get it. it's so frustrating and painful and isolating to never seem to click with a person or a group. i totally understand, and i wish i had a magic solution, but im the same way. other than trying to practice a little self compassion i just try to power through. i hope it gets easier with time and you feel more comfortable around everyone soon. a weird thought ive been having lately is that every adult is just an overgrown kid in a lot of ways. they're just people too. awkward and maybe a little self involved just like i can be. idk it's a vaguely comforting thought

[kidflashimpulse]

imma keep it real with you chief: nothing about Bart and Jaime's dynamic has ever read as romantic to me, on either side, but if Bart having a crush on Jaime (either present or past tense) isn't the main thing going on in your high school fic then i'll for sure read it anyway because i like your stuff a lot :) (also the fact it's apparently on the darker side despite being a no powers AU has me intrigued. murder mystery or something?? interested to find out)

and i totally understand that! just like how characterisation can ultimately be up to interpretation it’s the same with relationships and i can’t say i don’t see where ur coming from, i think a lot of their S2 interactions has been occasionally misconstrued with romantic undertones when they very much could be interpreted as just not (for all sorts of reasons both super obvious as well as not)

infamous age gap at the time (being the obvious one) aside, a literal alien invasion and earth-dooming prophecy is practically a constant in the backdrop of their friendship, so there really is a lot to consider when interpreting their interactions (like multiple takes i’ve read about ppl finding bart incredibly underhanded (totally fair and agreed) in the friendship). I do think though that the genuine aspect of their friendship did rapidly develop early on in the season even with bart’s underhandedness, just like that rlly interesting ask/masterpost on kidcooper02 blog about their friendship outlined (great read btw highly reccomend if ppl haven’t yet lol), ultimately it comes down to their friendship not being as black and white/clear cut as people might like it to be.

Multiple things can be true at the same time. Jaime had been missing his best friend at the time, was somewhat of an outcast as a newcomer on the Team and was thrust into the world of heroes/villains, I think it’s understandable that he would latch on to a good friendship with Bart just as much as even with all his hidden intentions, Bart, essentially a fish out of temporal water, would too.

So whilst i HC bart having had a crush on jaime at some point, it’s not because i necessarily interpret their dynamic as romantic throughout the season(s), it’s more out of potential because of plot circumstances and characterisation where i just don’t think it would be far fetched for it to occur.

Sorry for the unasked for essay lol but i felt like it wouldn’t hurt to explain my thought process a bit because i’m sure others share the same perspective as u and i do think it’s an interesting topic to think about too in general. Bart is my favorite all time character but Jaime is very dear to me too so I just think it’s such a cool topic ultimately :)

Also you are so sweet and thank you for sharing this with me <3 i’m not gonna lie, with every chapter or story i come up with i do always worry whether ppl will enjoy it or not, but i won’t know if i don’t try and also what some enjoy, others won’t and vice versa. That’s just a fact. But I have a lot of fun putting all this together and reading about others interpretations is also always such a highlight

It’s not an “in your face” type of dark, it’s more along the lines of the type of dark that i directly interpret from/on par with the show (ig what tv tropes calls fridge horror lol). Personally i love those type of settings so i’m really excited to share it and i do hope u will enjoy it :) i would be very much interested in hearing ur thoughts on it after i do post it :D

It’s still in its drafting stages and unfinished, so it might be a while. But hopefully sooner rather than later lol

[valparzjournal]

Been feeling meh but changes are being made. <3

This blog is all over the place... what is new?

When I'm feeling low, I loooove to reframe on why. It could be my hormone imbalance (or my cycle), or my hashimotos, and all of those just connect to each other in some way. I have no idea, I'm not a doctor. It could be the fact that I was going to sleep so late this summer like between 12-1 in the morning and waking up at 9 or ten am. That's late for me. And my day seems soooo short after my work out. It could be the fact that I'm super alone. My husband is a truck driver and three weeks literally feels like 2 months when you're on your mental health journey. It's so long. I do have family close by but I have driving anxiety so I'm not going everyday BUT I have been going more often than before so the driving is becoming easier. (I'm grateful that I don't have to wait for my husband so he could drive me to my dad's.) OR the fact I'm eating dairy (haha). I know all of that is why I'm feeling low and really sad. But at the same time I'm really grateful. It just sucks to be sad because you have all of these great things in front of you and it seems like anxiety is saying "And? You're still not good enough. Do more." Or it can be saying irrational bullshit.

I was just watching Connor Franta's recent video about anxiety and he talks about having a gratitude journal. I started one when I got a membership with Silk and Sonder (not sponsored lol idk if I need to say that). If you haven't practice gratitude, I do suggest to start now. It reframes a lot of thoughts and perspective on life. At first it can start with that you're grateful for family and friends and then once you start getting a hand of it, you start being grateful so the smallest valuable things like "I'm grateful that I can work out and jog". (which has been a dream of mine to be able to jog again).

There is another mindful practice that I like that I saw on IG and it starts with "I get to...". I actually used it today because I went to go pick up my brother from work. I was grateful that I didn't tell my dad no when he asked. I was like "Yes I will go get him." But the fact that i have to drive soon spikes up my anxiety (that will be another post lol). It's not as bad as before but I still have to tell myself I'm fine I'm okay. And i'm trying so hard to stay present and think of something that will calm me down. So then I thought to myself "Hey, I get to pick up my brother from work. I get to see him today. I get to say hello to him." I just got emotional. It's funny because I cried in the car and he tried to sign me (he doesn't know sign) that he loves me and he told me with his voice and now I'm thinking "I'm so grateful that I get to hear my little brother tell me that he loves me." Those two practices go hand in hand. Another good one is write three or more things that happened each day or whenever you want to write them. I really need to get back on those practices because they did help me a lot.

All I'm trying to say that if you're feeling low or sad or anxious, everything will be okay. Everything won't happen over night. Take it one day at a time. Day by day. You have the right to live your life for you and you can do whatever you want that will make you happy and love life. You have to take risks so you can feel better and enjoy life again. I don't hate my life at all but I'm just not digging this chapter of my life. Is it a lot better than the chapter from a year ago? Fuck yeah!! I have to remember that I'm doing the best I can. I'm taking my vitamin D. I'm working out and challenging myself every week. I'm studying Spanish. I'm making over my guest bathroom to a Disney bathroom. I'm practicing driving when I can. I'm going to therapy and I'm eating well. I'm drinking my water. I'm freaking doing it. You're freaking doing it too. Be proud of yourself. It doesn't matter if people don't say it to you, you need to say it to yourself because it's only you at the end of the day. I'M PROUD OF YOU! <3

goodnight !!

[ramp-it-up]

It Takes Two

Pairing: Soft Dark!Chris Evans x Reader

Warnings:  18+, Minors DNI. Curate your own experience. Cursing, drinking, cheating, breakups, rehab, recovery, deception, lies, celibacy, manipulation, wedding planning, semi-public explicit, rough, sex, oral sex (m receiving), degradation kink, breeding kink, choking, dubiuous con (b/c of deception). Darkish! Scott Evans. This is not proofread!

A/N: @lovebittenbyevans gave me a great idea about still dealing with Chris when commenting on The One.  I thought that the Chris in that fic could really go left and get pretty Dark and dirty. And then.... 

Anonymous asked:

Imagine Chris cheating on Y/N …

That made me think up this fic. It is a sequel to The One. I hope you like it!

-----

You left him.

You flew to Montreal to surprise him on set, trench coat and lingerie and everything, and when you opened the door to his trailer, you saw Heidi on her knees giving Chris a blowjob.

You cussed him out, threw the ring back in his face and turned around and left. 

You blocked his number, moved out of his house and cut off all contact.  You were done.

The audacity of Chris being indignant about your warnings about Heidi when he was boning her all along.

You loved Scott, but you had to cut him off too after he tried to explain that Chris was drunk when you found him, and was going to rehab to deal with his issues. 

 It was classic celebrity bullshit and you didn’t have time for it.

You decided to center yourself, and swear off all relationships and sex. You wanted to purge your mind of all that weighed you down. 

You concluded that love, sex, and Chris Evans made you feel heavy as fuck. 

You moved to New York City. It was far enough away from Chris and your folks in Houston to give you some peace. 

You could still run your business and even think about a storefront.  It was the perfect location to live your best life, eat healthy, exercise, socialize and network. 

You fell in love with yourself, and you didn’t think much about Christopher Robert Evans at all.

Only every time you went on IG or Twitter, even though you blocked him and his hashtags.  And every time you went to Target, because his fucking movies and merchandise were everywhere. 

But you were cool, because you were doing you. You weren’t looking for love.

Of course, that’s when it found you.

Six months after you left Boston, you were at a natural beauty products expo in Brooklyn hawking your wares.  

Your business had taken off, with almost a half million dollars in sales, and you were being interviewed by a major news outlet of color when one of the correspondents caught your eye. 

You flirted, exchanged numbers and ended up going on a date. In another three months you were engaged to him.  

Kevin Watts made you feel safe, protected and loved. And he wasn’t just after sex. He was well off, and secure in himself and you.  It just felt right. 

When Kevin proposed, it was just you and him at your favorite restaurant. So romantic. 

Not like the rowdy family 4th of July party at which Chris asked you to marry him last year, in front of both your parents.

The laughter and the joy was just a little much. 

This was perfect. You didn’t miss Chris at all. You set about planning your wedding with a profound sense of peace and safety.  

You and Kevin were meant to be.

----

Chris was nothing without you.

Nothing but an award winning actor and producer, a multi-millionaire and founder of a major organization dedicated to bringing opposing political viewpoints together. 

All of that was cool, and it kept him going, but when he lost you, he lost his motivation.

Chris didn’t take any more roles after the sequel with Heidi, and he dumped her post haste. He did enter rehab and realized that he depended way too much on alcohol to dull his emotions. 

He got drunk off his ass when he was away from you because he missed you so much, and that led to him letting Heidi think that she could have him.

She’d had him physically, but never his heart. Or his mind. You owned those.

Chris followed your business closely, and was proud of your success. 

Of course he followed your social media on burner accounts and saw that you were doing well. 

You looked like you enjoyed being single and seemed healthy and happy.

He couldn’t ask for anything more for you.

Except to be his again. 

Chris was just biding his time for your reunion, deciding to give you a year before he made his move. 

Now he felt every emotion, and he knew that you must still love him too.

You just needed to realize that your life would be even better with him back in it.

The year apart would be just punishment for what he’d done to you, and when you came back together, it would be better than before.

Everyone speculated on his bachelorhood, wondering if he would settle down, speculating and gossiping about who he was with, but he just played coy and kept quiet.

No one would know that he was yours and yours alone, and that you were still his.  

You just didn’t know it.

But you weren’t going along with the plan that you didn’t know about. 

About seven months into his self-imposed purgatory, a complication started popping up on Chris’s feed. 

Kevin. 

And a couple of months after that, a post of a proposal, in a restaurant.

The asshole probably didn’t even ask or involve your folks.  Chris was in a rage for a week. 

He almost started drinking again, but as he got ready to drive to the liquor store, Kevin’s face flashed on his screen doing a report on the election.

Instead of making him even more angry, he smiled, elated at the thought that came to him.

Chris had a new plan, and it was going to be even better than before.

-----

The last three months had been a whirlwind, and you never thought it would turn out this way.  

You were planning your wedding with your mother, discussing the seating at the reception, and you deciding where Chris Evans and his date would sit.

What a time to be alive.

Your mother only let it slip a couple of times that you should be marrying Chris, but for the most part, she kept it cute.

You explained to her that everything was squashed between you and Chris, and that he and Kevin had a great relationship, were friends, even.  

They’d bonded over politics when Kevin interviewed him, and became buds before Chris even realized that you and he were together.

Kevin knew, but he wasn’t the jealous type, and he didn’t want to make things awkward. Surprisingly, Kevin insisted that he be at the wedding. 

You thought about it and decided it would be the ultimate closure for Chris to watch you marry someone else. 

You were pleasantly surprised at Chris. He was handling this very well. He never tried to contact you, and according to Kevin, never even mentioned you. That was growth. 

Maybe you too could be friends. 

You felt good about it. So much so that you unblocked him and started a dialogue.

-----

Hi.

Chris saw your number come across his apple watch and he practically did a dance. It was 9:24 pm.  He picked up his phone and stared at the word, forcing himself to wait and not respond.  He went to work out.

47 minutes later, he responded.

Hello?

This time, he sat and waited for your response, which came 7 minutes later. 

I just wanted to say, I appreciate the way you're handling this.

Chris bit his lip, imagining you sitting there, thinking of what to say and staring down at your phone.

I’m sorry, I don't know who this is. You may have reached a wrong number?

He grinned at the play. 

----- 

Your heart dropped. Did he no longer have your contact?  

Why would he do that?

You don’t know why you felt some kinda way; you’d blocked him. 

Maybe he had changed his number and this was no longer his. Your heart was beating fast when you texted back.

Is this Chris?  This is Y/N.  I was just texting about Kevin Watts.

You anxiously watched the thought bubbles on imessage.

----

Even though you’d texted back almost immediately, Chris kept you hanging for just a couple of minutes. His dick was hard at the thought of communicating with you. 

Fuck, you were such an aphrodesiac.

Oh shit! Y/N I’m sorry.  I got a new phone.. You know how it is…

He knew you wouldn’t believe that. That’s why he said it.

You just stared at the phone. That was bullshit. You can easily port your contacts into a new phone.  You just never believed that Chris would really move on.  And you didn’t know why. 

You had.

You took a deep breath and continued.

Lol, No worries!  Just wanna say thank you for being cool with my Boo. I’m gonna turn in now. Check you later.

You tried to keep it light.

Chris ignored the ‘my Boo’ comment and focused on the thought of you in bed. 

You usually slept in a tank top or t-shirt and panties, and the top would invariably come off because you got hot. 

And then things would invariably get hotter if he was in bed with you….

Cool! Sweet dreams. Check you later. 😉

Chris made sure to exit your message thread and come back so that you wouldn’t see the thought bubbles that he saw when you kept staring at the text.

You  were lost in the times that Chris always used to say that to you, and when he whispered “Sweet Dreams” in your ear when he was far away, you always had wet dreams about him. 

And that wink. 

How could a fucking yellow emoji turn you the fuck on?

You reached for your bullet vibrator as you continued to stare at the interaction.

Chis had already started stroking himself when you told him you were going to bed. 

Knowing that you were thinking exactly what he wanted you to got him close, and he didn’t even have to pull up your old videos to get off. 

Not tonight.

-----

Over the next few weeks. you’d texted a few times, Chris ‘made amends’ and you accepted his apology. 

Then, you started texting more regularly, mainly joking around about sports, your Celtics/Rockets rivalry ever raging. 

From your perspective, Chris was always appropriate and respected your relationship with Kevin.  You were glad because you’d missed your friendship with him.

You felt giddy that your life was working out so well, and you traveled to your weekend getaway in the mountains for your bridal shower with a light heart.

Chris attended Kevin’s bachelor festivities with only a week to go until the wedding.

——

From Chris’s perspective, things were working out better than he’d hoped. 

Scoring an invite to the wedding was more than he’d imagined, and Kevin inviting him out to his Bachelor party was just icing on the cake.  

Maybe he could make Kevin slip up enough so that you would dump him before the wedding. Chris was hopeful.

If not, Plan B was the nuclear option. 

-------

Kevin was following the stripper’s ass like a puppy. He was lit on booze and pills (that Chris provided) and his guard was down.

Kevin considered Chris a friend. 

Chris just wanted to keep Kevin close because he was the enemy.

They were talking about you.

“She’s so fucking innocent. A sweeter angel there never was. I’ll have to teach her how to fuck.”

Chris almost choked on his water.

“I'm sorry. What now?”

Kevin just barreled on, ignoring the question.

“That's how I know I need to wife her.” He was talking to Chris, but still staring at the stripper.

“She would never chase the D. Hell, she won’t even touch mine. You know, her being celibate and all.”

Chris raised his eyebrow and smiled, which Kevin never noticed. Chris shook his head at your antics.  His little beautiful love.

“That’s why I was never pressed that you are her ex. I mean, I’m impressed you were with her as long as you were.”  

Chris just smiled and nodded, curious as to where this was leading.

“A man like you don’t have to put up with that. You must have punani lined up for days, bro.”

Chris’s heart lept. This dullard did not have access to your pussy. HIS pussy.  Never has.

Chris could fuck a lot of people a million ways from Sunday with one text. Except for you. And you were all that mattered. 

“I don’t know about all that.” Chris put on his best, ‘aw shucks’ act.

Chris was over the moon. You were still his. In every way.

Kevin kept tipping the stripper and was trying to call her over. He asked her about a private lap dance.  Chris’s eyes lit up. This asshole was making it too easy.

The stripper nodded and went back to finish up her set.  Chris walked over to the bar.

“Aye!” Chris summoned tha bartender over. 

“What can I get you, Sir.” 

“I don’t need a drink.  I wanna take care of my friend over there. He’s gonna have a lap dance with Star. It’s his bachelor party.  I need it to be extra special.”  

Chris started peeling off hundreds so the barkeep could see. 

“And I need him to have some keepsakes, so he’ll remember it always.” 

More hundreds came off. The bartender’s eyes got bigger and bigger. “That’s no problem.”

Chris flashed his famous smile.  

“Great, let me tell you where to send them. Wanna make them a wedding present.” He wrote down an address on a napkin. 

He was now on Plan C. And it was perfect.

------

A week later and the rehearsal at the church was more fun than you thought it would be.  You weren’t allowed to participate, just watch, as the result of an old wives tale.

The church secretary found you in the pews. She handed you a manila envelope.

“This was mailed here yesterday, probably an invoice of something for the wedding, I put it aside for you, sweetie.”

You smiled back at her and tucked it into your purse, not wanting to distract yourself with more wedding bills. 

Later, when you and Kevin were in the back of the car to the restaurant for the Rehearsal Dinner, you pulled it out and opened it. You couldn’t believe your eyes.

“What the ENTIRE FUCK KEVIN!”  

You threw the pictures of him fucking a stripper in his face, startling him out of staring at his phone.

He picked one up, his mouth dropped open and started talking. 

“Look, Baby, Baby! I can explain!...”

“DO NOT FUCKING LIE TO ME KEVIN!  WE HAVE OVER 300 PEOPLE HERE FOR OUR WEDDING TOMORROW MORNING.” 

Kevin was on his knees in the back of the suburban. 

“Listen to me.. Listen.  I’m a man. I have needs…”

“Kevin, I swear to god….”

“Okay, okay… I admit it…”

You listened to him and your heart went silent.  You couldn’t even absorb what he said.

When you pulled up to the restaurant, you straightened your dress and looked at him coolly.

“I am NOT going to deal with this tonight. Tonight was supposed to be a fun celebration of our wedding. I will decide later if it's still going to happen.”

Kevin was terrified.

“Right now, you and I will go into this place, greet our friends arm in arm and pretend that you are not a fucking narcissitic asshole who just ripped my heart to shreds. Got it?”

“Yes, but I-”

“Do NOT speak to me unless I speak to you first. Or it's automatically off.”

Kevin just nodded and cleared his throat.

You raised your chin and said, “Let’s go.”

-----

Two hours later, dinner was over, and you were lit on your way to TURNT.

Chris observed you, from the moment you entered holding hands with Kevin to the second you dropped his hand in disgust, to the way you held yourself away from him at dinner, but then put on a sweet face when everyone spoke, to Kevin, who was an absolute mess.

He figured you got the pictures. He suppressed the glee that was coursing through him.

But he couldn’t figure out why you were still going on with the charade.

Chris didn’t make a beeline for you like he wanted to, he just let the natural flow of the party lead you to him.  He was talking to your cousin when he felt a tap on his shoulder. He turned around.

“Hey you.”  

You cocked your head at him in that way and looked up at him, your smile brightening your face.  Damn, he had to plant his feet. You smiling at him like that made him feel faint.

You both heard your cousin say something, but you didn’t pay attention, caught up in your own orbit.

“Hey.”  

Chris crossed his arms, and you swore that he was recalling the time when you told him your forearms made you horny. Fuck. Chris made you wet and you were fresh out of fucks tonight.

“So, I can’t have a hug?”  

Chris shook his head at your line and opened his arms to embrace you, keeping a respectable pressure and distance until you hugged him tight and pressed close.  

He couldn’t help but pick you up, but he put you down immediately, cleared his throat and backed up, looking uncomfortable.

That wouldn’t do. You wanted more of his scent, his warmth, his HIM. You pouted unconsciously in your buzzed state.

Chris’s cock stirred.  That fucking mouth had haunted his dreams for almost a year. He was pleased that you were flirting, but he had to work the plan.  Couldn’t go too fast.

“You look… great.  I can’t wait to see you tomorrow in your wedding dress. You will be a beautiful bride.”  

Chris broke his voice in just the right place to convey a wistfulness, making you think that he thought he lost you.

You felt bad.  Chris was so sweet.  You thought about him and you thought about Kevin. 

What was the difference between what Chris did and what Kevin did?  

And who did you have more chemistry with? Chris.  

Why were you even marrying Kevin?

You looked over at him looking at you and Chris like a lost dog.

You had no idea why you were marrying him.

“You look… Like Chris fucking Evans.” You two laughed.  

“I bet you’re fighting them off with a stick.”  You sideyed him.

Chris reveled in your interest in his sex life.

“Well, you know. After rehab, I’ve laid off the... physical part of my life. It only brought chaos, you know. I’m trying to be more… zen. Haven’t really had… that  for the better part of a year.”

He watched your eyes get big.  

“Word?”  You smirked. “So you…”

Chris held up his hand.  The one you knew he jacked off with.  You grabbed it and started drawing on his palm.  Chis pulled it back and cleared his throat again. 

You pouted again. Him being hard to get made you wet.

And Chris knew that.

“So… you ready to marry the love of your life?”

 Chris’s sea blues looked you deep into your cocoa browns. You were transported back in time.

“Yes.” 

 Then you snapped out of it.  

“I mean… the church is set up, the dress is bought, everyone’s here. I guess so.”

Chris laughed as if you were telling a joke.  

“I miss your sense of humor.”

You all made small talk and you caught up a little before you asked what you wanted to know.

“So what are you up to tonight?”

Chris looked at his watch.

“I’m actually about to go to my condo an turn in. I get up early to work out.” He felt your eyes sweep up and down his body, and he flexed even though he was fully dressed. It was true. Working out was a regimen. He wanted you drooling for him. 

“It’s the Marvel condo in Brooklyn?”

You nodded, remembering good times.

“So you have a car picking you up?”  Your mind was whirring.

“I actually have a rental.” 

You gulped your drink down, not daring to look in his eyes. Now, not only was your pussy wet, your nipples were hard as hell. 

“It’s in the parking garage down the block.”

“Well, I need to clear my head. I’ll walk you there, and you can drop me back?”

Chris looked down at your cute face, and then around the room, spotted Kevin and gave him a nod.

“You sure that’s a good idea?”  

You looked at Kevin, too.  You wanted to stick your tongue out, but you just took Chris by the arm and headed toward the door.

“I’m a big girl. Nobody owns me.” 

You looked up into Chris’s eyes and instantly regretted that statement. You played it off and pulled him through the door.

You didn’t talk at all the entire way, both of your heads deep in the clouds of you and him.  The chemistry was crackling the air between you.

You held on to his arm, and he let you, reveling in your touch.

When you reached the parking garage, Chris pressed the button with his knuckle and you got in, headed for the top deck.

You just stared at each other, both thinking the same thing. Chris chuckled.

“You’re dangerous, night before your wedding, you probably have cold feet, I’m here. Maybe you want to be sure that you’re sure…”

You cocked your head. “Who said I wanted to fuck you, Chris Evans?”

Chris cocked his head too, mirroring you.  “Who said ‘fuck?’ I was thinking you wanted to talk.”

He smirked and you scowled as the door opened.

Chris left you in the elevator stewing as he walked over to the black Tesla he’d rented. There was no other car on the deck.

You scoffed, and followed him out.

He was about to walk around to the driver's side door when you grabbed his arm before he made it. He stopped directly in front of the car.

“Do you mean to tell me that you don’t want me?”  You were hot, in more ways than one.

Chris leaned back against the hood.

“That’s not what we’re talking about, y/n. You’re getting married tomorrow. To someone else.”

You smiled and reached up, fingers grazing his neck and playing with the hair at his nape. You ran your fingers through his beard.  Kevin’s couldn’t compare.

“That’s tomorrow. Tonight I’m single as fuck.” 

You stood on your tip toes and brushed your lips against his, reveling in the moan that came from his throat.

Chris fought to control his urge and continued with his act. His fingers tightened around your waist and you thought this was it.  He turned you around in front of the car and then let you go, stepping back to pace back and forth.

“What? What is this? You’ve had almost a year. Kevin’s my friend. What do you want from me?”  

He advanced on you, and you had to remember to breathe.  He knew what you wanted.

“You. I want you, Chris.”

Chris attacked your lips with his own.  He took two seconds to savor them before he ravaged your mouth with his tongue.  You moaned and he broke from your mouth to re-discover your face, your neck, your cleavage.  He had to control himself not to rip the bodice of your blush pink chiffon dress.

He had a raging hard on, which you were feeling up, remembering how you always struggled to take him.  You wanted him to hurt you with it now.

“Give me this Chris… please…”

You were reaching into his pants, thumb caressing his wet, thick tip. He was leaking for you.

“Remember when you told me that I would meet you in a parking lot, and let you fuck me over the hood of your rental car? Even if I was with someone else?”  

You pulled your hand out and started sucking your thumb, closing your eyes at the taste of Chris after so long.  You pulled it out with a pop.  

“You were so right.”

Chris practically growled, grabbed your arm and spun you, pushing your back until your chest hit the hood of the Model X.  He leaned over you, pushing his covered crotch into the back of your dress, you moaned, wanting more.  His mouth was at your ear.

“Oh, so you want to be my cock whore on the eve of your wedding to someone else.”  You moaned because it was true.

“It’s been so long, Chris…”

He reached down in between you and flipped the flouncy skirt of your dress up, exposing you to the wind of New York City.  He looked at it for a minute, your ass always his favorite.

He caressed it with both hands, pressing into you with his thumbs.  

“So you want me to feel you up?”  He pulled his hand back and sucked one of them, practically jumping for joy when he tasted you. 

“You want me to pull your panties to the side….” and he did so, seeing your slick shine in the moonlight, and playing in it for a minute, tracing your lips and making you quiver around nothing.

The way you were moaning his name was everything right now.

Your face was pressed against the cool metal of the car, and it was the only thing tying you to the earth.

“Oh yes, Chris…. Please please yesss...fuck me… damn...stretch me out…”

Chris’s dick pulsed and he needed you around him. He moved close again and unzipped his pants, the sound making your knees weak.

He teased your cunt with his tip, collecting your arousal and smearing it not only around your pussy, but around your asshole.

“I know you’ve fucked him, but have you let him have your ass?  Am I still the only one…?”

Chris was still playing the game. 

“No, no, no… I haven’t let him… I haven’t given him anything. I’ve been celibate, too.  It’s still yours Chris. All of me is still yours.”

Chris almost came just hearing you say it out loud. He already knew, but hearing you say it was the shit.

He pushed into you with a grunt, and it was difficult.  He didn’t make it. Your cunt squeezed him out.

“Ffffuck, y/n. You’re practically closed down.  Is it true?”  

He started rocking his tip into your pussy slowly, both regretting and reveling in the fact that he didn’t stretch you out with his fingers beforehand.  Then he decided that he wanted you to feel this fully.

You couldn’t answer, only responding with moans has he painfully breached you. You welcomed it, though.

“Ah, ah, ah, ah… yes Chris.  Only you.. Since you and I….”  Talking about it and the fact that you were taking him again made you wetter, and eased Chris’s way, although your pussy was already stinging with his girth. Your eyes rolled back in your head.

You would never get over this and were so grateful for the feeling again.  

Chris watched you and had to grit his teeth to hold back from the reality that he was taking you again. 

He leaned over you, hot breath huffing in your ear, puffing and groaning as he fucked you slowly.  He was trying to feel every sensation. He wanted you to know that each and every millimeter of your glorious wet, tight pussy was his.

‘Ohhhh. Fuck Chris… YESSSS!”  Your voice echoed off the concrete walls, and Chris wanted you louder.

“This what you wanted?  You wanted your thick cock inside you again. Hunh?  You wanted me to stretch your walls and fuck you raw, hunh?”  He started speeding up in time with your moans.

“Such a fucking filthy cockslut for me, baby.”  Chris grabbed your neck from the back. “Why didn’t you let Kevin hit, hunh?”  

You didn’t answer, you just moaned and Chris smacked your ass, hard.

“Chris! Fuck!”  

You screamed. You missed his ruthlessness when you fucked, you missed him making sure that you knew that he knew that you knew. You belonged to him. 

 “Please!”

“I know why.” 

Chris stopped fucking you and pressed down harder on your back, reaching around to find your clit.  He swirled around it once, then started to press down slowly. 

“Because you would never beg him for that subpar dick that he has. You’re MY whore. You belong to me.”

He pressed down roughly, and you detonated around his dick.  He didn’t have to move.  Chris pulled out, leaving you cold and bereft.

You turned around and leaned up against the hood, panting and still desperate for him.  He stood there in front of you, dick sticking out of his pants, which were ruined, and still rock hard and ready. He was in a quiet rage.

“Why did you leave me?” 

You searched his face.  He sounded like he was about to cry.  You couldn’t quite see his entire face, but his eyes shone, bright with liquid.  You went toward him.

“You hurt me Chris.  I couldn’t stay. But let me take care of you now.”

You got on your knees in front of him, the hard concrete of the parking structure digging into your knees.  

Again, you welcomed the physical pain, distracting you from what you were doing to Kevin, to Chris, and to yourself.

Chris felt like he could fly.  You on your knees for him again was a dream. 

He took his cock in his hand, stroking it, while moving close to you. In no time, the back of your head was in his palm, and you opened wide to accept him, hand coming up to stroke what you couldn’t fit.

“Ah, ah. Let me.”  

You looked up at him to see an evil grin shine down on you. 

Chris looked down on an angel trying to swallow him whole. He brushed the tears away from your eyes as you struggled to breathe. You were perfection.

Moaning around him, you relaxed your mouth and throat and let him use you.  It was difficult, because you were out of practice, but you welcomed the letting go of all thought. 

You dripped down your thighs as Chris pumped into you, ready to accept what he had to give. 

After a few minutes, he stopped, and pulled out, grabbing you up to your feet. 

Then he bent down and grabbed you by the back of your thighs and you wrapped your legs around his waist, kissing him and trying to grind down on his still-erect cock as he backed you to the car.

Your ass hit the hood, and Chris reached between you to first tear your panties off. He put them in his pocket as he swiped his dick up and down your dripping wet folds.  

He looked back up to watch your face as he pushed inside you, now, an easier path to nirvana.

He pulsed as he watched the pleasure take over your face, with your mouth slack and your eyes glassed over. This was his main purpose in life and he almost lost it.

He brought his hand up to bring you closer, breathed into your mouth as he squeezed your throat. You were high instantly, and clamped down on his cock as your body was wracked with waves of pleasure.

Chris let your body descend back down to the car as he pumped his seed into you, his mind fantasizing that he was impregnating you. 

He shook your body as the last ropes of cum spurted out of him. He ran his hand down your body as he pulled out, zipping up his pants as you came back to your senses on the hood of the car.

You stared at the stars as you realized what you had done.  You sat up and adjusted your dress, gingerly climbing back down to the ground.  

Chris kissed you on the forehead, and this time you let him get into the driver’s seat. You got in the passenger side and Chris reached into the glovebox and handed you some wet wipes.

“Fix your face. And your knees.” 

He nodded down to your legs, which were dirty from the parking structure floor.  He watched you wipe your knees off, but stopped you as you went higher.

“No. I want you to feel me all night long.”  

You wanted to be a brat, but you didn’t feel like sass right about now. You felt kinda terrible.

You got another wet wipe and fixed your makeup as best you could as Chris drove you back to the restaurant.

“Chris, I…”

“I know.  None of that meant that we’re back together.  That was for some kind of something, I dunno, something Kevin might have done?” 

You looked down, ashamed. Chris lifted your chin up with his hand.

“I want you to come to me on your own.  You’ve gotten that out of your system, and I’m glad to be of service.”  You looked up into his eyes and at his wry smile.

“But remember, you still have a choice. I’m here if you choose me.”  

He leaned over and gave you a tender kiss in front of the restaurant.

You smiled at him and climbed out of the car, watching as he drove off.

Chris’s heart was beating out of his chest as he watched you turn and go back inside. He fought the urge to turn around. It was better this way.

----

You walked in the restaurant, and pulled Kevin over to the side of the restaurant in dark alcove. 

“Listen. Do you still want to marry me?”

He looked you up and down, taking in your state, from the faint marks on your neck to your scuffed knees.  He knew exactly what was up.

You raised an eyebrow at him.  

-----

Three hours later, a sleepy Chris answered the doorbell in Brooklyn.

He smiled at you, in the Captain America t-shirt and jeans that you’d stolen from him after a photoshoot, looking like his favorite Disney princess. You.

You took him in, clad in grey sweatpants that hung off his magnificently cut body.  He blinked at you sleepily.

“The wedding is off. Chris, I….”

He reached out and grabbed you, pulling you in the brownstone and shutting the door behind you.  He had you pinned up against the wall as you tried to speak.

“Shut up and let me taste you.”  

You grinned and wrapped your legs around his waist as he carried you upstairs.

--- 

The next morning, Chris was on the phone with Scott.

“Yes, tell the workers at the warehouse to dump all the products….I don’t care, the river, the landfill…. Y/N can’t find out that I bought up all her stock…. We’re going to be married..... I know what the fuck I’m doing Scott. We leave for Aruba this afternoon. Listen, I’ll call you later.”

Chris hung up and turned to find you in the doorway, frowning and rubbing your eyes.  

“We’re going to Aruba?”  

You smiled and yawned, sleepily stretching.  That was all that you’d heard of the conversation.

Chris gave you his stunner smile.  

“Yes. It was going to be a surprise.” 

He reached down and swung you up in his arms, carrying you into the bathroom bridal style.

“Now let’s get in the shower.  You’ve been very naughty, gotta get you clean for your wedding day.”

You giggled as you relaxed in Chris’s arms. “It takes two to be naughty, Chris.”

He winked at you as he turned on the shower. “Don’t I know it.”

-----

I know it’s different. Let me know if you like it. Like, comment, reblog! 

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[menalez]

I know this is an old topic on your blog now but I just saw the anon taking about polilez being etiologically r/t womb envy and I wanted to agree! as a former inadvertent polilez (sorry) my experience was like. i grew up in a very accepting area of the US and knew a lot of gay/lesbian adults as a child, didn’t have internalized homophobia, only liked girls as a kiddo, had my first “gf” at 11, never really paid attention to guys. was out as a lesbian by 13 among friends, but started being attracted to men as well around 16-17 like right before I discovered radical feminism. also at that time started getting harassed at school by an older guy with a history of violence against women and so really doubled down on being lesbian because I thought it would ward him off, because I had a hard line “reason” to turn him down that was beyond my control. i was scared of him.

spoiler alert he “transitioned” on a Tuesday and on Wednesday was asking me to come over and cuddle again bc he was “suicidal”, and I think at that point it being “lesbian” became very political for me, I was terrified and so angry at the lengths males would go to to violate women’s boundaries, and having just finally accepted and understood the innate nature of sex that, yeah it felt like the enlightened thing to do to affirm homosexuality. and honestly calling myself a lesbian was my way to really validate to myself (was still very involved with “queer activism” at the time) why it was okay that I still really didn’t want to sleep with this person, because, even tho now I know it was because he was a creep and an abuser and a rapist, if I were bisexual, what excuse did I have to not entertain the idea besides genuine bigotry? even though I had been radicalized I didn’t want to disrespect trans people and didn’t want to be the bigoted evil terf that I had been warned about.

obviously I was a kid and just needed practice saying no, but IG my point was for me claiming lesbianism was my way to feel like i could justify being a terf to myself and also because as a bisexual people just assume you “don’t care” about someone’s genitals which is in fact not true lol. the dude transitioned back immediately after graduation, is in jail for assault now. Can’t help wonder if he’s trying to transition again to go to a woman’s facility :-/

anyway this was long winded but basically I just had this misguided notion that being a lesbian would protect you from predatory male behavior when in fact I now understand it just makes you an even bigger target. and also that it was the only “valid” reason to be GC in my own head because I believed that it would be easier to defend my views on sex and gender if I had the authority to say “look as a lesbian I’m not attracted to you.” was also totally wrong about that as y’all receive the worst of the worst IRT backlash about dating boundaries. and there are one million other reasons to be GC besides not wanting to date/fuck trans people but because I was so afraid of being bigoted it was the only one that seemed “safe” to me. no need to publish this if it’s confusing or stupid but haven’t talked/thought about it in a while. Ok done. love your blog and think you’re amazing :-) keep fighting the good fight

your experience is quite interesting to me bc i do hear many bi & het women argue they call themselves lesbians bc it provides them some safety / means they don’t want to fuck men and dont want to explain not wanting to fuck men even tho their sexuality doesn’t bar them from it or sth, and to me i didn’t rly get it bc 1. just bc ur into men doesn’t mean ur obligated to fuck them 2. just bc ur into men doesn’t mean u should want any man possible. ur allowed to have boundaries too! 3. claiming to be a lesbian doesn’t actually provide any security. maybe maybe in the most progressive gay friendly place ever or something but even then i doubt it. so it’s definitely interesting to hear from someone who had that perspective and realised through experience that for men “lesbian” is just another variation of “try to change my no into a yes” to them. also i can say from my own experiences that when we’re teens, our idea of sexual orientation and sexuality can be quite dumb and skewed so i don’t fully blame u here. some of my feelings about sexual orientation back then made absolutely no sense and looking back im just like -_- ok how on earth did i buy that bullshit

[astroninaaa]

Hot take a talk about technoblade:

Okay look I've been part of this fandom since August(thank god cuz i watched it all live and it woukd be a nightmare to caatch up) I bring this up cuz i want to discuss my problem with technos character. I have watched every single techno livestream that he made on dream smp and believe it or not i used to be a techno sympathiser that is until doomsday. (By techno apologist standards i am qualified to talk about his character hooray..)

Now techno like every character is flawed if he wasn't he would be boring fandom. One of his biggest flaws is being a hypocrite. That is not something you realise until you compare what he says all the time so you need to look a little deeper to realise it and i don't blame people for not seeing it.

This wouldn't be that much of a problem because that is a character flaw among with many others but the problem that his character has faced is that he doesn't develop much.

Now i hear techno apologist jump at me every single time noooo he isn't a stagnant character he has developed a lot. I am not saying that he hasn't developed at all the problem is that he has developed very little especially when you consider everything.

His goals his ideas his perception of the world what he believes him everything that makes his character him hasn't changed much and that is not a good thing from a writing perspective. Now why do i bring this up. Firstly I'm not saying this to say techno is a bad writer far from it he can be very good when he puts his mind to it. The problem with keeping a character in this state is that it's very harmful for said character first and to the story and other characters second. Look even at yourselves i can guarantee that you aren't the exact same person you were like five years ago for example because during that time you made mistakes learned from them and you grew. Just like in real life you also can't stay stagnant in fiction.

Okay so that's the main problem with technos character that he is stagnant as a character. Now this wouldn't be as big of a problem if he didn't have the role that he has.

You see techno both c! and cc! are very good at the game basically. Now why do i bring this up. The reason why i bring this up is bc of where this places techno whuch is at the very top of the chain don't try and seny it. This means that he is one of the most powerful people on the server if you are going to try and go against this point just look at lmanberg guys that's living proof of how powerful and how terrifying he actually is. I know a lot of you are gonna say but every can get stacked or play the game but you guys forget that even if you are stacked you just don't have the skill and cc! Techno of the best people when it comes to that which bleeds into his character. Saying that is like looking at the upper class than looking at the lower class saying just get rich like it doesn't work like that.

Because of his role techno is literally the 1% by rl standards which means he can a lit of things free of consequences bc no one can give him said consequences. The butcher army was ig an attempt at that but they failed miserably let's be real here.

Because he is in the 1% is incredibly skilled at pvp and can do anything bc no one can challenge him this places him on a pedestal and creates a power imbalance a very big one at that.

And that leads to his biggest problem he has practically everything as said by Techno himself and is never challenged, but that's not an interesting character. An audience gets tired for a character that always wins or loses. Because if it happens repeatedly it just takes all the suspense oh he will win immediately. He will go and slaughter them problem solved. That's it every time. Something that techno himself confirmed is then when he has a problem he just stabs it (both of these were said during the egg stream).

And if you are going to bring the things he went through to say he's changed don't cuz as long as he doesn't act on it it means nothing. Like examples Red festival killed tubbo an ally. Traumatic experience right? This is a good moment to develop his character and give us more insight. What happens? Techno tries to dismiss it and shows us his anxiety and gives us insight on his character Great! Character development? Starting to question himself just a bit or any sign of that event having an effect on him? Nope! Why? Cuz he doesn't act on it instead he tries to hide the fact that ever happened and changes to a different topic bc there is no justification there and he knows it. Nov 16th c!technos pov he just got betrayed caused some damage wished death upon his former allies and left. Quite a dramatic scene. He feels betrayed time for some good old character development. Him thinking about himself and his actions. Reflecting on them. Great moment! Problem: literally everything that shows this is done off camera and now suddenly he's retired... Okay you know what fine it's alright he would probably expand upon and did a timeskip to explain the ling time he didn't stream. I see where it's comming from. The butcher army ge gets hunted down bc actions have consequences techno and you can't just run away like that not after doing that. Great point from the butcher army. Go give him some consequences his character needs it. And then he gets executed alright a bit too far but i guess that's how it goes in this server. Techno gets his life back immediately.. well that was a bit pointless but alright a cool scene for the animatic fair. Then he kills quackity.. the butcher army lost.. this.. what? But this was the moment of consequences... and quackity didn't get it back like techno the butcer aemy lost more than techno what? Moving along he teams up with tommy aannnd the 50 withers are up and ready of course you didn't fully retire what was i expecting. And now team up with tommy perfect way to learn about dream and give more insight on lmanberg and how dream is a tyrant and everything techno is supposed to stand against. The green festival tommy chooses tubbo over techno techno feels betrayed understandable.... and then he teams up with dream lmanberg is destroyed and the underdogs are beaten to the ground loose everything they ever worked for and are taught to be scared of the anarchists?!?!?!?!

Okay now hold up a sec I'll have to stop you right there. What. did. you. just. do. Cuz there is a limit to the amount of stuff you can let a character get away with. The line was crossed months ago this is not good at all.

Also what are yoi guys talking about consequences. Lives? All 3 home? Right there pets? The ones that died were the ones he brought expecting to not live he brought them there on purpose so they don't count. He is one of the most wealthy peoole on the server (no one beats ranboo lol) what did he exactly loose? Friendships? Was that all the hardships you guys have?

Lmanberg lost their home their lives their wealth their pets their friend everything they loved and lived for everything they stood for they lost a part of themselves in the end.

Look at the last 2 paragraphs and how imbalanced that is. How are you guys blind to this How?! And why did doomsday happen? Because the butcher army failed. And if anything techno proved them that they should have punished him harder with this.

So what was the lesson of doomsday?

That you shoukd obey the people on top and never go against them or you will loose everything you love.

Great lesson guys this is exactly the lesson the rich class and every single tyrant tried to teach society and this lesson is being told by the anarchist great job....

Do you see the problem now. This is the reason techno needs a consequence bc if he keeps going like this he will become a Mary Sue. And that is a horrible direction for a character that has a lot of potential. That potential is why i liked his character that much in the beginning but now it's almost non existent. Anyway I'll end this now cuz this went on for too long. That's basically my opinion on it feel free to share your thoughts.

okay. okay. i read this like three times bc. because look

i agree in some very specific points, but i disagree in very broad manners.

(this entire......... essay is all /rp and /nm!!!!)

anyways. send me hot takes!!!

i like c!techno. i personally think he's one of the most fun characters to watch because i enjoy the mess, the crazyness, the chaos of it all. watching doomsday through c!tommy's eyes was painful. watching doomsday through c!techno's eyes was just so fucking hilarious and exciting and fun. he's just a fun character to watch. he's just Funny. i am a fan. however

for starters: ctechno is, 100%, out of the park, an stagnant character. he has little to no development throughout the story. we see no changes in how he acts. that's not necessarily a bad thing, but considering the type of character he is, watching him develop (be it to an actually full-fledged villain or towards a redemption arc) would be ideal to keep him a character people can actually support.

i wouldn't say he's a hypocrite. c!techno has a very strict moral code and he follows it with no hesitation, with no doubts. the point is that his moral code is flawed and skewed. that doesn't make him a hypocrite, that makes him someone with bad morals.

calling c!techno "the 1%" is a stretch. for one- c!ranboo has as much resources, if not more, as c!techno does. he has dozens of totems, thousands of emeralds, and probably has one of the higher counts of diamond and netherite on the server. why is that never brought up? because it doesnt matter. c!foolish has so much gold and diamonds and netherite and just everything, really, and it's also never brought up/a reason for people to be afraid of him. the dream smp isn't a capitalist universe, there's no "1%". specially bc there's, like, i don't know, 20 players? that makes c!techno 1/20 OR 3/20 if we count c!ranboo and c!foolish. but that's not the point at all: the point is that ctechno is feared bc he's skilled and has a relevant personality, not bc he has resources. c!wilbur has no shit and he's still terrifying, there's no character willing to oppose him. not because of resources, but because of who he is. when c!techno first fled from l'manburg into "retirement" he had no shit either, it took him a while to be rich again. no one attacked him either way.

why, you ask? bc he fought against c!quackity with a fucking pickaxe and won. that's why. c!techno doesn't need resources to be feared. the power imbalance doesn't come from his resources, it comes from others’s fear. and they have a reason for that fear, bc c!techno hasn't been defeated yet. that has nothing to do with "upper class" and "lower class". because, one, not a capitalist system and class disparity isn't as simple as that, and two, even without his "riches" he still wins, bc he's got the skill. if you take out the skill, him being rich means nothing and he wouldve been easily killed by the butcher army or c!tommy or whoever decided to kill him. a good example is, once again, c!ranboo: if he wasn't friends with everyone and someone decided to actually fight him like was done with c!techno, he would've died. easily. being rich in the smp is relative.

c!techno will be challenged when we have a character strong enough to challenge him in a way that matters. it's important to be smart about it. that's why i'd love to see, out of everyone, c!philza turn against him, but that's a how other discussion (WHICH I'M WILLING TO TALK ABOUT.......... everytime i make these and i add little point i dont elaborate on and then say i'm willing to talk about them and no one ever asks me to <//3 PAIN /nm /lh).

i do think he's a character that just Always Win in narrative ways and that's very frustrating. he does need to get pulled a few notches down. again, that will only happen when we have a character that can step up to him and challenge him in a way that matters (woooo c!philza you want to hold c!techno accountable for his bullshit so bad woooo........)

now, onto c!techno's trauma. he doesn't need to show it. he- he doesn't. that's........ not how trauma works, and that's one of the points that make his trauma so forgettable for the viewers. c!techno is, from inside out, a character that hardly shows his emotions, but that doesn't mean he doesn't display symptons of trauma. he does, they're just a lot more subtle than other characters's. that doesn't mean he doesn't have any or that he isn't affect by it. c!techno is, in a lot of ways, a lot like c!tubbo: both of them don't mention the shit they've gone through and don't react to it and bc of that some of the viewers don't see how important some traumatic events were in their characterisation. that's why you analyse those characters's trauma through behavior, not through easily seen displays of trauma.

i do think it's taken a little too far with c!techno. the way he reacted to c!tommy's death was...... disappointing, to say the least. c!techno is an underwhelming character in many ways. as said before, it's because he's stagnant. that definitely needs to be worked on.

about the syndicate? yeah, no. theyre not teaching others to fear them. others just Do That bc of their history on the server, but they have literally talked about how they want to better their reputation, bc they don't want to be seen as murderers or oppressors in any way. are they flawed? yes, very much. they have no indicators of what is or isn't a government and they show no regard around the importance of a difference between an oppressive and a democratic government.

they had no right to show up at c!tubbo's door and interrogate him, because they can't appoint themselves as government police. for starters, that's not how anarchy works (they should've had everyone's permission for that. they obviously don't), but also it's just... stupid. it makes it seem that they're trying to boss everyone around so that they live like the syndicate wants them to, which goes directly against the syndicate's own ideals. however, c!techno thinks he has that right. he thinks this is what he's supposed to do. he's just following his moral code - his moral code is just deeply, deeply flawed. what he says and what he does contradict each other but not for him, not to his interpretation. to his interpretation, he's following his strict moral code.

what happened at doomsday was horrible and c!techno has to be held accountable for it, yes, but, again, no character knows how to work around c!techno enough to hold him accountable for it. that's not c!techno's fault.

l'manburg just deserved better, honestly, but to be fair c!techno has been taken advantage of time and time again (sometimes purposefully, sometimes not) and he's fucked up in the head, god bless LMAOOOOOOO

i agree that things need to change otherwise he's just gonna keep being a stagnant character who can get away with everything. i do think he has more to him than meets the eye, tho. meh idk that's still just analysis!!! we have no way of knowing the intent behind c!techno's characterisation, at least not for now. i hope for the best tho cc!techno don't let me down <3

[cloveroctobers]

• TALIA NASCIMENTO•

IG info/bio: @/callmetalia333 | 524k followers | Journalist | TALIA. but u may have formerly known me as user: brdf0rdsvasquiff—rip!!!1! so don’t even think about it 😌

(23) 25 going on (26) years of age

I’ve read a canon that her name is just Talia and not short for anything & I agree with that + she’s always quick to correct someone if they get it wrong too

Her hometown is Watford, England

but she was originally born in Maidenhead in the backseat of a car during a severe rainstorm

Nonetheless watford taught her all she needed to know when it came to music

She found her first love when she heard the sound of music soundtrack for the v first time as a young girl but is often nervous to admit that?

her father is Brazilian and is a firefighter

her mother is Bulgarian and works as a secretary in a elementary school

her mother is more traditional than her father when it comes to their cultures

I originally felt like she gave only child vibes but I can deff see her giving off big sis energy since she did mention she has a younger brother

V protective over her little brother

there’s a three year age difference

her parents have separated multiple times before which caused a riff in the family dynamic

The constant coming and going from her dad became quite irritating

And Talia was the most vocal by wanting them to figure it out and NOT get a divorce

Which led to talia’s commitment issues when it came to relationships herself

was born with blue eyes yet they shifted to brown once she grew

“Tom-boy” growing up & still is

netball was her sport and man was it something to see her play?! She was quick on her feet and can definitely shoot far-range with ease

Always down for contact sports too

She lost count how many bruises and scrapes she would come home with much to her mother’s horror but she would always brush it off—it was never that big of a deal to her

yet she takes time in healing her scars with homemade treatments or purchases from beauty stores when she wants to show her legs off

she didn’t get into “girly” wear until recently, she never thought too much of her body or when she started to get curves...she always hid that behind big tee’s, fitted jeans, and kicks—that’s what she was used to

she’s got broad shoulders and toned arms

had thick bushy brows that almost formed a uni brow growing up

her mother used to have her hair always plaited since she is very superstitious, believing that “the devil lives in the woman’s hair”

yet talia’s hair texture was much different than her mother’s, maybe due to the fact that her mother always had her hair up and out of the way? Talia’s hair is much bigger, heavier, and naturally curly

+ her mother used to say some harsh things in Bulgarian about her hair — that says a lot when you’re taught to hate your hair trust!!!

when she got a little older and able to manage her own hair + afford it, She learned how to love it herself and that’s all that mattered. Her hair became v important to her, it was her source of comfort

that’s the only thing she’s high maintenance about tbh

she spends a lot of money on her hair but devacurl can still piss off

diffusing is one of her fav things to do to her hair—besides washing it, and deep conditioning, after a night of letting her hair air-dry

loves rose jam

has a embroidery machine, along with a collection of her work but only one piece is showcased in her flat. She didn’t want her place to look completely like her bába’s (Bulgarian: grandmother)

her closet is filled with many Havaianas, they’re all piled up in a wicker basket and ready to tumble over on her top shelf... if she moves one of the ceramic pots her mother left in her flat for luck, that whole shelf might come crashing down

Swears drinking guaraná the next morning cures any hangover you may have

commonly sleeps in big t-shirts and panties or not or booty shorts depending on her time of the month—it’s freeing to her

Has torn her achilles due to whatever contact sport she decided to join in on during a beach vacation with her mates

has a touch of arthritis in her shoulder

this is where her love for massages came from due to injuries she’s faced

+ It’s always a good sign when you can make someone else feel better ya know?

She’s been told she’s great with her hands ;) it all takes practice

bi mami *cringe* but she likes what she likes, and feels what she feels

she kinda has a type but doesn’t want to admit that

her mother doesn’t understand this but her father easily accepted her preference/orientation

her little brother was the first she came out to, “alright!...you still suck”

always wants to fix situations WHEN it comes to HER friends but is oblivious when it’s come to her own issues whether its in relationships/friendships +

was called out by one of her friends who she often argues/butts heads with from time to time “you’re always sticking your nose in people’s business but can’t solve your own shit!”

maybe it’s the journalist in her? she’s not afraid to ask questions or look at things from a outside perspective

her group of friends are all from different ethnic backgrounds to Indian to Ethiopian

has been in and out of relationships...maybe had one stable relationship? Outside of mc but that relationship failed after a year and she feels it has something to do with her parents and how she watched their relationship unfold but won’t openly admit that

Doesn’t like to argue in relationships and often is a little undermining with how she responses to her partner’s feelings...she’s trying to be better at being understanding and listening, her mother is like this with her father

Aquarius girl + Scorpio moon + Taurus rising

loves the water + watching water sports rather than playing them since she almost drowned once by letting her confidence get the best of her

used to be a directioner and isn’t ashamed to admit that!

take me home album stan 100% bitch there’s no point in arguing!!! Buh bye!!!

She is ashamed however to admit that she used to write for them, mostly ziam fics with a touch of Harry thrown in the mix as well...take that how u will

has a few merch pieces as well, they’re mostly loungewear + that powdery perfume they dropped. YES she still has it, no she won’t sell it to u

still supports them on the low since you know, she’s a music journalist and reviewing songs is what she makes a living for so why the hell not? They will always hold a special place in her heart. She grew with those boys

she’s not in denial like Hannah that they’re get back together

If someone wants her to film a reaction vid to zayn’s new album or release a written review? She WILL. Her top 3? 1. When loves around ft Syd 2. Outside 3. Unfuckwitable

If someone wants to hear her thoughts on Harry’s mv’s + breaking down his lyrics, she’ll tell you what you NEED to know whether U agree or not she don’t give a damn lol

Can throw hands and stomp a bitch out if she needs too. Has gotten kicked out of clubs/bars for defending her friends mainly not because someone chatted shit to her, that’s whatever but once you cross her friends? It’s on

Allegra got lucky 🦶🏼☕️ and Lucy

remained super close with jake and tim as expected...Rohan’s cool too ofc! but she’s not here for their rapping shit sorry. She’ll hit them both with a quick side eye and snarl if they start or if jake wants to recite some poetry. She’s outta here

Talia hardly had issues making friends easily with the boys it was always harder with the girls :/

they hang out all the time!

she actually became close with sammi as well, which was nice to have another girl friend around even tho they weren’t together in the house long like the others. She’s spontaneous, cute, resourceful, and kind so talia had no issue reaching out to her first to see what she was about outside of the show

don’t even ask her about what she thinks of the new seasons, she’s not here to chat shit and have her words twisted like she’s watched many of the cast deal with. If you want to talk about the over kill use of pop as the soundtrack for each season, then yeah she’ll talk to you about that

doesn’t use social media much, she finds it funny how whenever she does pop back in people are begging her to post SOMETHING so that they know that she’s alive

Pretty private

she also can’t grasp why they want her to do the bussit challenge? Lmao like hey don’t get her wrong, some of them were pretty great but she’s barely got a bum to bounce and little booties matter ofc!!! but she can’t see herself doing it unless she’s drunk off her arse!!!

maybe mc can convince her...for the fans duh!!! “Give the ppl what they want! Talia! It’s not like you won’t be around music!” “I’ll think about it...nah.”

she’s been busier since the show, able to tour more and WRITE which is what she loves to do

Her secret pleasure is watching those nurse shows and firefighting shows in her free time and those singing shows you already know that’s a given

Wanted to be some form of a nurse growing up but knew she could help people in another way

*inserts* “music Is The best Medicine” overused but true quote here!!

I feel like she’s a r&b lover

listens to those hour long rain sounds on YouTube to help herself fall asleep

she‘s not the best cook but she’s a foodie and she’s down to try new food always

occasionally her and Tim are jake’s Guinea pigs when he’s whipping something up for his menu 

and hates eating the same things all the time unless it’s breakfast! There’s not too much more you can do with that

that’s also her specialty, making breakfast for u in bed

Morning afters with her are intimate but humorous. She’ll poke fun if you’re both looking crazy, always joking and in the best mood whether things got physical or not she’s just happy to have you here 🥲

I think her love language is quality time

if you’re playing her route and Lucy is the ex, and you’ve decided to fully commit to each other I deff see Lucy still trying to pull some shit outside of the show just because she feels like she can but once Talia see’s that it’s really starting to get to you despite how much you try to brush it off or snap at Lucy or even Talia!!! Talia is on Lucy’s ass in seconds! She doesn’t need a ex to ruin her possible future , “you’re not gonna fuck up this good thing I’ve got just cause you’re flimsy at relationships babe, so go be a cunt somewhere else or you’ll be sorry. I promise.”

anthem: Snow Tha Product — Shut up

[onf-headcanons]

ONF in Cafe AU

(Establishment)

A/N : 200 followers special!! This different universe from Baker Yuto

Settings : A total brand new universe where they just gather by pure coincidence. Or an alternate universe where ONF later when their contract ended, they gathered to open a cafe once Yuto return to Korea from graduating his bakery course back in Japan. Hyojin, Seungjun and Jaeyoung helped by researching how to register+open business in Korea.

Roles

Yuto : The bread maker

Seungjun : Barista

Hyojin & Jaeyoung : Chief waiter and in charge of cashier

Minkyun : Assisting waiter and more of a helper in the kitchen preparing ingredients

Changyoon : In charge of other menus such as sandwiches/bagel sandwich and dessert

Reader : could be part timer or the regular guest (bonus a fan of ONF as well)

Bonus : Minseok might occasionally drop by to visit or Minseok as another member in the kitchen (i mean have you seen his IG???!!!!!)

Headcanons

As Yuto is more of a bread lover, the cafe would be a bakery+cafe style eatery.

The menu is made and proposed by all 6 of them. Also before they start running business, the kitchen gang has already tried making food to do taste test. (Including WM family)

The menu is written in Korean, English and Japanese.

Yuto would keep trying on making the best bread so he would experiment with different options such as more milk or less flour

Hyojin would always give ideas to improvise. And members trust Hyojin's thoughts because he is such a foodie XD

Seungjun would research and practice on his barista skills.

Changyoon would do graphic design of the menu

Minkyun and Jaeyoung would go out to find spot to rent and open cafe

Once the cafe is opened, this is how they run it.

Because of ONF's nature, I personally think they will test the timing of business by doing a few around of simulations.

This would be suggested by Changyoon and agreed by the leaders

So before they opened, they really tried it out at the empty cafe and simulated with full house for 3~5 days straight. Then they are content with the current timing as below.

I also think Seungjun Jaeyoung and Yuto would keep suggesting adjustments on the timing.

Especially Seungjun and Yuto. Seungjun in the bystander view because he is the barista and Yuto sharing the perspective on what timing those outside kitchen should alert those in the kitchen. They would run timer using their phone.

Bakery closes on 6pm, tidying done by 7:15pm, head out for dinner or simple dinner by whipping up some left over ingredients.

Grocery shopping on 8:45pm or 9pm, headback for cafe for preparations if necessary

Next day 6am at cafe to do early preparations, bakery side and morning take away opens on 7:30am,

10:00am opens for eat in + buffet, they do not do dinner so closes at 6pm and repeat for every day.

They closes on big event public holidays, end of the year+new year.

(They will get quick lunch by ingredients whipped up from the kitchen. Hyojin will switch with Jaeyoung, Seungjun will switch with the part timer, Yuto will get quick bites while waiting for dough to rise, Changyoon and Minkyun will switch)

(BTW this is just reference from my weak experience working on restaurant)

There are 5 walkie talkies. Hyojin, Seungjun and Jaeyoung have 1 each, 1 at the cashier and another is at the kitchen with speakers. This is for them to communicate and alert each other about the crowd and also any food items that are running out.

BTW should we are using the Minseok as one of the member in kitchen, he did not join immediately. But he do drop by to support his hyungs and being the 2nd food taster.

His hyungs and Yuto are a bit reluctant to recruit him but, to their surprise, Minsk volunteered himself.

And oh boy his hyungs all in awe at how good this baby boy's cooking is!!!

Funny moment when Seungjun caught Hyojin eyes are gleaming with bliss after Hyojin tasted Minseok's food. And then only the other hyungs swarming over wanting to taste Minseok's cooking lol

(Hyojin already numb due to so many times food tasting lol but cos he loves to eat he still finishes all the samples. But Minseok's cooking was a breather for him at that exact moment)

Also Changyoon has an idea that putting surveys on each table and let guests to fill in. When they submit to cashier, they might get coupons (?) or maybe discounts about 83%

Or maybe some collectibles and when they got all six stickers, they get 83% discount? (its flexible)

The cafe gains popularity because of the quality and due to good looks of chief waiters and barista.

Also, I think in their menu, (should this is the contract ended ONF universe), they might integrate the member recommendations, it is flexible either food or drink. Or maybe both

Hyojin definitely going to recommend 2 smoothies.

Changyoon would recommend pasta and dessert

Minkyun will go for a sandwich

Jaeyoung might recommend Yuto's sourdough bruschetta

Seungjun will recommend one type of latte

And Yuto will recommend 1 or 2 breads found at bakery/buffet corner. But for menu he would give out tips like which bread type goes better with which cheese or jam

（BTW I think its cute should they use their mascot deer, shark, maltese, gorilla, cat and bread as avatar/icon that appear at recommendations!）

And on their birthday, (this could be Seungjun's idea) there will be a 83% discount sticker placed on the recommended food/drink by the member.

And since we talked about menu...

Again its a bread themed cafe, so the main would be bread, brunch and all day breakfast.

Bread type (buffet) : mini croissants, mini buns, scones, baguette, bagel, white loaf, sourdough

Bread type (bakery) : croissant, buns, garlic bread, scones, baguette, bagel, red bean bun, packed bread loafs

Let me explain about buffet first.

Buffet is for brunch+lunch, which starts on 10:30am to 2pm. Its a 90 minutes course. In that course you can pick 1 of each option of bread, salad, toppings, sides (sausages, hams, cheese and baked beans) and also random desserts.

They offer butter (salted and unsalted), 3 to 4 types of jams (strawberry, mixed fruit and marmalade), variety of paste to go with bread (mashed avocado and Parmesan garlic pesto). also Nutella

For buffet, beverage there already stocked variety of juices, warm coffee and tea (that are already prepared earlier) and fresh water

Cheese they will go for cheddar, Havarti, Feta, Mozarella and brown cheese.

Should you don't go for buffet, they have eat in cafe menu. Which are separately made set meals that comes with beverage. Like sandwiches, bagel sandwiches, spaghetti/pastas, or bruschetta with topping of your choice (6 the most)

Seungjun would prepare freshly brewed coffee, latte, tea, frappe and even smoothie.

Desserts are all simple desserts, like mini tarts and mini cupcake. For specially ordered ones would non baked stuffs that Changyoon and Minkyun made early in the morning and stored in fridge (because dont wanna clash with Yuto baking should any bread nearly sold out. Also can have more flexible timing should Yuto need help they can back up)

Initially, Changyoon will always make extra desserts by x2.5 amount, especially mini tarts or mini cupcakes at the buffet area. He is a worry wart.

BTW the bell Changyoon presented Yuto during OnDaeJeon? Its later used at the cafe lol. As the alert tool for waiters that food is done come and take it

I think on early years, at most 2 years, they are not going to do delivery or food app order service just yet.

But they will run an Instagram or twitter account for the cafe and using it just like how they are doing with they current twitter account. Promoting food and giving out random recommendations also a glimpse of their daily lifes running the cafe and bakery

I think Changyoon would upload a pic of seasonal fruit and a teaser for new seasonal dessert? And then lol it will sometimes plot twist ends up being seasonal beverage that made by Seungjun lol

Should Minseok is not a member running the cafe, the boys consult with him occasionally about adding new seasonal,time limited items.

Also Hyojin and Yuto being the photographer taking picture of the food. Oops I forgot, the pictures of food items in menu are both taken by them too!

Minkyun will bring along one of his fave part timer to do emergency grocery shopping should he needed a hand.

Hyojin and Jaeyoung will try to help customer to decide by suggesting recommendation

Also Hyojin, who would sometimes keep an eye on how customer do combination on their food and get inspiration from it then later try to propose to the team.

As chief waiters, both Hyojin and Jaeyoung would always during at the cashier, asking customers should they have any suggestions or proposal (even if they submitted the survey). Values communications and feedback between staff and customers.

Also Seungjun will help out keeping an eye in case they miss out someone trying to call a waiter. Later after a year of profits, they upgraded to bell calling service type, press a button and they come serve you in a minute.

Initially, Hyojin and Jaeyoung would make use of walkie talkie to recite orders that they get so that Seungjun, Yuto, Changyoon and Minkyun can get them

After maybe a couple months of profit, they upgraded it to tablets. while the walkie talkie is used as mentioned above, to alert regarding to run out/sold out food items.

Also, once reached closing hours, I think they will also have a brief meeting. Especially for waiters team. I think Hyojin would guide and critique on performance.

In overall it is very warm to work with ONF but you have to keep up because they are also strict.

I can see should they know part timers birthday, they would wish them. Maybe Changyoon/Minseok will shove special dessert or pasta for them.

It will be funny that some fans went there hoping to see Yuto, Changyoon and Minkyun but they are busy, do not want to disappoint, Hyojin and Seungjun might try to call them out using walkie talkie. (only apply to the contract end universe)

Oh I had a thought, maybe not the public knows that Minseok joined? I think maybe its also Minseok's terms and conditions because he does not want the spotlight he just wanna help running the business

Also should WM family drop by to visit, the first word as they enter the door, both sides will go “Aigooooo~~~~!!!” (Refer to RTK where Oh My Girl drops by to check out ONF for TWML practise)

Should that happen, its a big day for the fans

BUT!!! I can think ONF cafe later be the hangout spot for WM family? like member’s birthday? lets go to ONF cafe! Because Yuto baked a cake specially for us!! and off they go~ 

I mean its a great deal, considering Yuto’s love for bread and he did not sell customised cakes. So its personalised stuff he made for those he cared about.

That is why mostly the gathering will happen after 6pm or

Maybe WM managers drop by to pick up the special cake

Also, Yuto let part timers to have leftover breads or desserts at bakery and buffet area for free. His hyungs agreed because you should not waste food. Plus freshly made bread are their selling point so they won't recycle them.

A/N : gonna stop here and should there is more, I might do a part 2~!

[taurusjaehyun]

change // j.jh

♦️ Pairing: jaehyun x fem reader

♦️ Other Members/ Characters: Yeri from Red Velvet, Haerin (oc), Taeyong [mentioned], Johnny and his wife, Saera (oc) [mentioned]

♦️ Genre: angst, single dad jaehyun, bff au, unrequited love au

♦️ Warnings: grab a tissue ig?? Also, mentions of bisexual Jaehyun

♦️ Word count: 2,601

♦️ Story: You’ve known Jung Jaehyun for all of his life and you did everything together until you were older. After his girlfriend had left him and their new born baby alone in college, it was only natural you’d take the role of his daughter’s mother, like how he said he was the father of your son, Clark, a chow-chow, growing up. You’ve been playing house for years now but he’s starting to change and you don’t know what to feel about it.

 Note: I’m uploading everything I’ve written since forever before I write new ones so I can fill up this blog with scenarios. Also, for some reason, I was hooked on writing with babies and children in stories years ago LMAOOOO so yeah, the last scenario I posted was Jaehyun with an unknown daughter lol Anyways, tell me what u think after. I don’t bite and I’d like to be friends! 

You should have known when the ‘signs’ started to show almost 3 months ago. He was more distant, less focused when you were having conversations. He became distracted and closed up until it went to him completely not saying things he always used to say. The skin ship was less to none, the banter wasn't there, the affection was declining, and the warmth in his eyes was getting running out. In a blink of an eye, the person you knew for years wasn't there anymore.

 He was slowly turning different.

 It became worse when he'd often sleep out without telling you and returning home early in the morning for appearances sake for Haerin. If he did stay, he would sleep beside Haerin. Well, before, he would sleep beside Haerin but then he'd start to sleep in the living room, leaving just as soon Haerin left for school. You barely made conversation then. Video calls and phone calls were close to none and texts were scarce.

 But to his credit, he was still an amazing father to Haerin. He often took Haerin out, excluding you but it was understandable because you were also very busy because you started to work on personal cases that took more of your time than usual. It was a career step but you made sure to do everything for Jaehyun and Haerin. Upon seeing that Jaehyun was becoming distant, you had worked on becoming closer to him but he seemed to shut you out. You'd cook his favorite food, buy his favorite snacks, play his favorite songs and did whatever you knew would please him, even going as far as letting him 'suck' on your boobs which was his favorite. He used the same joking tone you used on him but he rejected you, laughing.

 And the reason was, he finally let you meet her: Yeri.

 You first met her when he decided to take you out to a fancy dinner. It hadn’t happened in a long time. Jaehyun had texted you saying that you were going to have dinner somewhere fancy so he asked you to dress up. You were so excited that a permanent smile was etched on your face after he had texted you. Haerin was also happy, knowing that you, her Mom was happy.

 You had dropped Haerin off at Johnny and Saera's place for the mean time. You were so happy and excited that your uber driver even told you and complimented you. You had started to chat with the old man until you reached the hotel with Jaehyun at the entrance, waiting for you. Jaehyun gave you a brief and awkward hug but you paid no mind, wanting to make this a good memory. You wanted to say you missed him since it had been a while since you actually had a proper conversation together.

 The bliss you felt in his company was quickly replaced with disappointment when she had shown up. Yeri was beautiful. She was definitely one of the most beautiful women he’d let you meet throughout the years (all the girls he dated were gorgeous anyways). She had white, milky, smooth skin, big boobs, a cute smile, twinkling eyes and everything that he described when you had asked his type back in the days. Yeri was literally the woman of his dreams.

 But then you also remembered that back then, he had dismissed the thought of dating. Even as far as saying that you would have to stay with them until Haerin was 30. Only then, he would settle down with a woman. It was such a vivid memory embedded in your brain. You comforted yourself by those thoughts, knowing he would keep his word like he always did.

 You felt a pang in your chest when Jaehyun had introduced Yeri as his girlfriend. Yeri then introduced herself to you and her first impression was excellent. It was obvious why Jaehyun fell for her, honestly. She was intelligent, born into a rich and prominent family, beautiful and practically perfect in every way. She was classy, her speaking voice was even beautiful, her words were tasteful, her laugh was flowy and melodious, a great contrast to your dog like barking laughter that Jaehyun was probably sick of hearing. Yeri was practically perfect in every way. And looking at the way Jaehyun looked at her, you could clearly see that he adored her because that was how he looked at Haerin.

 You admittedly couldn't join in their conversation. Even if you wanted to share your thoughts, it was like whatever you’d say wouldn't matter so you found yourself speaking when you were was being spoken to, which was totally unlike you. But of course, Jaehyun didn’t notice, as he was too deep into Yeri’s gaze.

 "You've been friends with Jaehyun for so long! Tell me more about him, please. I'd love to know more about my boyfriend from another person's perspective." Jaehyun looked embarrassed but he let Yeri do whatever to himself.

 You had told Yeri everything you thought she wanted to hear, of course but tweaking some things that you knew Jaehyun didn't want to be known, more specifically the negative things. In return, Jaehyun gave you a thankful smile after in which you gratefully accepted.

 Dinner was cut short since Yeri was to meet with her parents so she had to be picked up by her chauffer so Jaehyun had no choice but to take you home. You had sensed it so you told him you were doing an errand do you had to go home, but Jaehyun insisted he drives you home since you live in the same house anyways.

 "Just drop me off at Johnny and Saera’s." You spoke as you watched the rain drops slide on the car window. It had started raining a little after you left the hotel. It was still early and you were barely half an hour in your dinner when Yeri had to leave. It felt like forever, though.

 Yeri had given you her number, insisting that you contact her so you can both hang out soon because according to her, Jaehyun’s friends were her friends too, and especially that you’re Jaehyun’s best friend since forever. Somehow, you were relieved to meet Yeri because the more you wrapped your head around the idea of Jaehyun and Yeri together, the more it made sense. They were perfect for each other.

 “Y/n?”

 “Huh?” She didn’t realize he had been talking to her the entire time.

 “I said, let’s not tell Haerin about me and Yeri yet. I don’t want her to be shocked. But, Yeri already wants to meet Haerin. She loves kids!”

 You nodded, glancing at him before looking straight ahead. Wow. She even loves kids. No wonder Jaehyun fell hard. “I’m happy for you, Jae.” You spoke almost too tenderly. It was sincere. You were happy for him because you’ve always thought love was something to be celebrated and Jaehyun looked very much in love with her earlier. You wanted to get mad and express you jealousy but you knew your place. You were just a friend. You meant nothing more than a friend. “She’s an amazing woman. I was kind of intimidated, to be honest. She’s perfect, huh?”

 Jaehyun chuckled, “yeah! Honestly, she kind of intimidated me too. I had the biggest crush on her then and I never thought she’d notice me… But now… I can’t believe she’s mine, y/n. It’s like she came from a dream. It’s like… there’s a bright light around her and she always somehow makes everything brighter. She’s like the sun, y/n. I’ve never felt this strongly for anyone before.”

 You smiled, touched by his words. You never knew he could get poetic but no matter how beautiful his words were, they felt like big, sharp rocks being thrown at you. You knew you couldn’t fight against Yeri if you tried. “You deserve each other, Jaehyun. It’s been a long time since I’ve seen you this happy with anyone. I’m happy she makes you feel that way.” I wish I was her, you thought.

 Jaehyun hadn’t talked and opened up to you in so long but honestly, you didn’t wanna hear anything he was saying. His words were too painful. Too raw. And you wanted nothing but to cry and maybe then, if he saw you cry for him, he’d realize you’ve always been the one for him.

 By now, you knew every detail of how they met, how he felt and how he stayed over at her place, how they bonded over things they liked in common, how they liked the same food, how great the sex was and what not. He also told you about how Yeri doesn’t know about his bisexuality and Taeyong. Yeri was a bit of a conservative, according to him, and she was apparently raised by a conservative family. For Yeri, he was this perfect straight male. He never smoked around her too.

 Halfway to the drive, you had pretended to be asleep but ended up falling asleep for real. When you woke up, you were already at home. You immediately unbuckled your seat belt as soon as the car rolled up by the the gate. You were about to open the door of the car when Jaehyun had stopped you.

 “You’re not sleeping over at Yeri’s?” You asked, confused.

 “No. I haven’t been home in a while and I missed you. Let’s just get Haerin tomorrow.”

As soon as you got in, Jaehyun headed to your shared bedroom and dropped himself on the bed, sighing contently. The look of bliss on his face made you jealous. You announced you were gonna take a shower and quickly made your way to the bathroom to take a quick cold shower so you could sleep. You were too tired to think and frankly, you just wanted to sleep to avoid the throbbing pain in your chest and avoid anymore conversation.

 You reached behind your back to pull down the zipper of your dress but failed so you tried again with your other hand but ended up failing again. You tried and tried but you couldn’t reach it so you had no choice but to ask Jaehyun for help. You walked out the bathroom and padded over to Jaehyun’s side of the bed where he was already settled in, “Jae. Help. Please.” Jaehyun grinned before you spun around quickly facing away from him, trying to regulate your quickening heart beat. Damn him and his smile.

 You finally felt your dress being loose and eventually, Jaehyun was trying to pull down your dress, but you weren’t wearing a bra so you pushed it up and ran over to the bathroom, holding the front of the dress to your chest as if he hasn’t seen your boobs before.

 “Nothing I haven’t seen before, y/n!” Jaehyun laughed as he walked over to the bathroom, catching you in your bathrobe as you removed your make-up for tonight which you spent hours on, to be honest.

 You frowned as you watched his happy expression from the mirror as you scrubbed your face.

 Jaehyun also started to wash his face then brush his teeth. You noticed that he had a scar on his cheek so you reached over and ran the pad of your thumb over it. For a moment, it felt like the old times. “Yeri doesn’t like the scruff, so I got cut when I was trying to shave.”

 You had always been the one to shave his face because stupidly enough, he always manages to hurt himself like now. You clicked your tongue and grabbed the first aid kit. “Put this on after you wash your face.” You handed him a heart patterned band-aid that Haerin chose (for the design, of course) from the cupboard from under the sink.

 Jaehyun smiled, drying his face with a towel as he watched you clean off your make-up with precision, as always. He’d seen this routine for years and he’d suddenly appreciated how you’d always done it regardless if you were too tired, or too drunk, especially back in uni after attending those frat parties his frat threw every weekend. “You know, I’m glad I introduced to Yeri. And I’m even more glad you like her.”

You looked at him as you scrubbed you face with facial foam. His face was filled with warmth and emotion. It was so obvious how he was so happy. It kind of hurt, honestly. You gave him a smile and faced yourself in the mirror, fingers unconsciously scrubbing harder.

 “You’ve taken care of Haerin for almost all her life and if there was one person who could say if someone would be good with Haerin in the future, that would be you. I mean, I’m not talking about marriage yet but I want her to be a mother figure for my daughter, too.”

 You felt your chest tighten at his words. You’ve always been just his best friend and his daughter’s Aunt. No matter what Haerin called you, you would never be Haerin’s mother. You hissed as you washed the soap off your face, realizing your face had turned red from the hardness of your scrubbing.

 “Do you think Haerin would like her?” Jaehyun asks, pure excitement evident in his face and voice.

 You chuckled, trying to make it look natural. “I mean, I’m not Haerin so I’m not really sure but she won’t dislike her for sure.” It was true. You didn’t know how Haerin would react but Haerin wasn’t a spiteful child albeit a little shy to strangers but it was no doubt she and Yeri will get close soon. “Wait, I have to poop so can you get out?” You chuckled in which Jaehyun laughed at, teasing you as he came out.

 In reality, you sat on the toilet, thinking about how Haerin would react if you’d have to leave when Yeri and Jaehyun become serious. Was it better that you let Haerin and Yeri spend more time together so the parting between you and Haerin would be easy? The thought left a bitter taste in your mouth that it made you feel like you wanted to throw up but even if you wanted to, nothing would come out.

 After your shower, you had dressed in an old t-shirt and and shorts, not your usual sleepwear which comprised of Jaehyun’s shirt and boxers. Jaehyun was already on his side of the bed, looking fast asleep. It would be weird to sleep next to him so you decided to sleep in Haerin’s room instead. But before you could pass the bed, Jaehyun was already awake, asking where you were going and why you weren’t in bed with him despite you saying you were sleepy. Of course, you didn’t want to make it awkward so you played it cool and laid on your side of the bed, facing away from Jaehyun.

 Feeling drained, you closed her eyes and let yourself be succumbed to sleep. But before you could, Jaehyun had pulled you back in his arms, spooning you, like he always did, and kissed the nape of your neck before burying his face on the curve of your neck. “Thank you for everything, y/n. Thank you for taking care of Haerin all these years. Thank you for being the best friend anyone could ever have.”

 Sleep never came after that. It was only when you knew Jaehyun was asleep, was when the tears you didn’t know you were holding, started to fall.

 You needed to change, too. it was better this way.

Here’s a drabble for the story featuring Jaehyun and Haerin.

[indigopurple]

Saw an ask game response abt disliking certain tropes and now i feel the strong urge to overshare my own opinions on that. Here's a list of my most UTTERLY HATED tropes/AUs/etc out there from worst to...less worst. This was rlly difficult cuz I cant think of them til I accidentally see them on AO3 and get all pissy abt it

The A/B/O wolf thingy. Its so dumb to me I'm sorry i just can't follow it and it always gets romantic and sappy somehow. Also I dont understand how wolves work. The more I think abt it the more annoyed I get.

Soulmates AUs. Ugh. Again, sooo sappy and gets SO ooc. The only exception is I once saw (didnt read tho lol) this fic where one of the characters like, kinda rebelled against the soulmate meeting thing, and he said that his eyes change color all the time with different friends. Aka its PLATONIC! SCOORRRRREEEEE! I also recently learned that soulmates AUs are often used to explain ppls pedophilic/incest ships. Disgusting.

OC/self insert fics. I dont have any issue with ppl writing these, in fact its prolly good practice for the beginner writers that make them. Assuming they're all like, 12 y/o kids. Cuz that's the grammar and vocab level in all of them. Also, theyre never very engaging or intriguing, and i never know why I should care abt the main character. I just have absolutely no interest in these fics, sorry.

Sickfics involving like....gross sickness. I get that that's more realistic or whatever but is that rlly what you're going for? This is this just whump and fluff 99% of the time. I dont need a description of [whumped character] throwing up all over the floor. Just like, fucking make them have a dizzy spell or smth; kinda gets the same result. Like are you trying to gross us out? Really?? I make one exception to this rule: throwing up/coughing up blood. That is a whole nother story tho.

Deaging/aging up fics. I dont have a huge problem with these, but I've never been interested. I've heard that this one is also used to make ppls incest/pedophilic ships seem ok, which isnt very cool. I've seen this be used for rlly weird fluff abt like, [said deaged/aged up] having to mother or be mothered by their close friends which I guess is just some weird form of fluff, but like...rlly strange. It's like the filler episode no one liked of fanfics. If it's used as a way to force a characters traumatic past be brought up then ig it's ok since theres some interesting plot, just as long as the character isnt aged down to like..an infant.

Time travel fics. Often used to fix something that happened in canon that the writer is salty about. Usually undoing a character death, or going back to see friends as their younger selves, things like that yknow. Usually hurt/comfort which is cool. I dont have a big problem with these fics, I just find them kinda hard to follow with such a weird perspective (usually the character that travelled back in time). I see a shit ton of these in the one piece fandom, mainly consisting of "luffy goes back in time to save his brothers" or "luffy, after dying before he can reach his goal, gets a second chance and goes to reform his pirate crew". Its always those. Wouldn't be surprised if it was the same stuff for other fandoms but adding "[main character] goes back in time to remeet [character's crush/soulmate/etc] so they can get married" or some sappy shit. Sorry this one is way too long lol.

Slavery AUs. These...ugh ok. These are actually pretty interesting to me, absolutely heart-wrenching and also very sweet in the end. The hurt/comfort angst in these is fucking unreal. My issue with these is they sometimes get super rapey. Starts with idk some kid gets kidnapped + sold into slavery of some sort, then [a lot of the fic being then suffer and be traumatized], and then they are freed. Bonus points for written in epilogue with a healing process and like..found family yknow. It gets fucked up in the suffering part. Way too many of these fics get into like, rape. Which makes sense tbh (god I hate that tho), it just gets too...detailed. like uh hey writer, is this like, a turn on or what? I've stopped in the middle of a few fics, or skip a chapter, cuz I was like dude I cant deal w this. Also dear authors, fucking tag your writing, stop surprising me with shit like this. I should know what I'm getting into before reading it.

Cant think of anything else atm. Might add more later if smth on AO3 catches me off gaurd lol.

Someone out there is gonna hate me for making this post

[fircbcrn-blog]

hello frands !! it is me, admin c, introducing my final and most fire muse, bok emrys otherwise known as rhys. beneath the cut you can find a couple of pointers and basics on him, like this for plotting as you can expect and i’ll get to those im’s as fast as i can !! you can find his stats here for some idea and overview of him:

so rhys is like this edgy biker boy but with a heart of gold who is rlly a super big softie, he just looks like an intimidating biker boi with his style.

he falls in love with everything but i don’t mean like he’ll fuck anything with a pulse kind of love or oh wow u were nice to me and now i adore u and want to run off into the sunset, i mean he’s just in love with the world around him i mean it’s a shitty fuckin place sometimes but he sees the small beauties in it, the miracles of nature and human behavior that isn’t learned but just inherent to us and he thinks its fuckin magical so sue him

very wise and mature and down to earth as a person, despite being super popular because he just comes across as very cool and easygoing and in general easy to get along with plus he’s a total heart throb in the modelling world.

pretty artsy for a living, very much a creative soul. he paints and sketches and can mould things and he does actually commission it and earn a decent amount from it but his main career and income comes from the modelling definitely. bc ya know business for artists in general just isn’t amazing even for the richer few.

super in touch with the world and at peace with himself, like he is an immovable force nothing you say or do to him will upset him bc he’s just like lol that’s ur opinion and perspective ig and ur entitled to it so go off but imma do me thanks.

pansexual iCoN, he will love anyone pretty down who he can see something good in and he can see good in basically anything other than actual dictators obviously.

guru of life advice, people often come to him because he offers a sense of stability and security without getting his own emotions attached just from his presence alone and the atmosphere he surrounds himself with.

exudes charisma and magnetism we stAn, fully sits around with fancy expensive wine and his art in his super cosy yet modern and majorly artistic big ass penthouse suite apartment studio and walks around in open blazers shirtless with his long hair all pushed back and wet like the queer bohemian pixie that he is uNF.

he definitely has an approachable just creative and exciting persona without making you feel like you have to be wild to be alive with him. he’s also very spiritual

boi does yoga every morning and meditates every night without fail, very aware of mindfulness and does the exercises for it a lot, very aware of his health and keeps like excessively on top of it. he’s buddhist so he believes in the chakras, is interested in white magic and crystal healing too though, definitely practices feng shui, don’t fuck with his feng shui

he is a dancer however he doesn’t do dance as a full time gig bc he’s worried it would eat away at his time and take away from his other passions but ye he be a busy boi but he choreographs a lot and does cover videos on youtube that are pretty popular.

he gets a reputation from the media for being a ‘playboy’ bc he’s deemed a heart throb fUNNILY enough he is the furthest thing from that, but everyone finds him attractive and tries to get him into scandals. he deffo does have flings like the average amount as anyone else but HERES THE THING…

rhys is an idiot and he has a thing for people who think they’re gods gift who are all don’t go falling in love with me and part of me thinks he likes it for the thrill a lOT as well bc he’s too laidback for that trap so he’s all yeah as if bud u would have to change ur act a loT for that to be possible and they get shooketh like HOLD UP WAIT A SECOND-

he does not have their shit if they do the whole im such a hardass and i don’t do commitment but they want him to fall for them rlly he’s like okay good for u see u in like a week when u wanna fuck again until then i’ll be busy with my perfectly substantial life which i don’t need u in anyway dude

big bitch u aint special energy bc no one is and everybody got other priorities to put first depending on what they choose so like lemme know when u wanna get ur act together if not we can chill

but he a good boi he just floats around the place with his shirtless blazer self all here have a sprinkling of wisdom beyond my years and compassion mi casa su casa bby make urself at home in my crafty creative den.

( @hijinae​ ) is like a sister figure to him bc they perfectly match in persona’s and energies and she is very close to his familia, they are also adoptive siblings when rhys’ parents legally take custody of jinae. SIBLING POWER DUO I TELL U NOW they’re literally like siblings who are each other’s missing halves and best friends.  had they have been biological they would probably have been twins

PLOT IDEAS:

so here’s a few loose ideas to throw around until i have more time to sort a plot page out for him :

but of course some of his much loved flings especially his fave messy boy toys bring em to me

modelling rivals potentially who don’t actually want to be rivals at all but the media simply makes them out that way

dance buddies

running buddies

maybe some people who can help him manage his art business prospects and side of things

best friends bc who don’t love that

childhood friends

friends from overseas yES pls not just america but like china and japan, where he spent time as well..

modelling elite socialite squad u know like kylie and her besties type shit always posing with each other on instagram and going to shows together or promoting together

ex’s bc that’s fun and spicy

childhood love

childhood best friend

frenemies

friends he’s made internationally bc of music or dance or even modelling and got close with

good influence and bad influence either way works with him being the influencer or the one influenced

people interested in spirituality or buddhism and maybe looking to him as a guide on it all

honestly anything else u can think of even maybe a past unrequited love, his first ever boyfriend or girlfriend or just experience with either (also open to non-binary muses ofc) just hit me with it all and i will happily work with it

[flockofdoves]

wahhhhhh i finished the bear it was so good ;__;

even if not exactly parallel there was literally just so much in it that made me really emotional relating back to my own experiences. like a student business cooperative sandwich shop has its differences and all my food service experience is less enmeshed with more like. ‘restaurant’ type culture (although actually recently a new hire at the coop whos mom used to work at the coop when she was at school here has been bringing a lot more restaurant style perspectives in how he proposes we handle certain things bc hes been part of his family’s restaurant since like birth. so thats its own parallels ig lol) but god just like. trying to help a restaurant survive that means so so so much to me on so many levels and also has meant so much to so many people but also the people all still working there/new to working there all are bringing their own things. and the amazing collaboration that can bring but also how hard it can be to convey that across everything and communicate. finding out how to balance history and respecting what people come to this space for and what this space has been for people within it with trying out new things and trying to survive and not just continuing with practices that arent helping. and also trying not to replicate toxicity from other food service jobs bc it doesnt have to be like that we can make it different but also how we do objectively have less resources going off and doing this and it can be so so stressful and take so much energy and eat up your whole life and time and needing to learn how to balance not burning out with always actively being considerate of others and supporting each other and not dragging other people down with you when you feel like checking out.

and god yeah dont feeling like rambling onto so much more but like. god also while not the same i was so so invested in the coop at a time in my life when i was really immediately having to deal with so much grief from close family members passing away. and i threw all my time and energy into my workspace as a proxy for connection, i was friends with all my coworkers but i didn’t know how to really have meaningful relationships with them outside of just working working working and i dont know if i recognized or not how maybe some of them were growing deeper friendships with each other without me by putting in time and effort to their relationships outside of that default capacity.

also since ive just come off watching the last episode immediately in my mind is carmy talking about being best friends with his brother thinking he knew everything about him but he was never good at interacting with people and his brother was so good at making everyone feel like they were his best friend and like. jesus christ.

the characters were all so good. such a combo of aspects of them i can relate to and recognize from my own experiences and both appreciate and be stressed out by. its such an aesthetically beautiful show too. and it being in chicago when my time spent living in chicago frames so much of my emotions about a lot of this stuff also really added to it for me personally

wah.

[adanceforrain]

G - Part 2.

Within a couple hours after posting my EDC 2018 group pictures on IG, I had 3 different friends private message me to ask about G… “He is such a babe! Can you introduce me to him?” With each successive inquiry, I could feel my eyes further roll back into my skull. Not because they were wrong or that I was jealous, but because at this time the last thing I needed was a reminder of how beautiful and unattainable he was. Post-EDC/molly blues is tough as is, but having my gay friends bombard me with requests to connect them with someone who I also craved only exacerbated this.

What helped me overcome my post-EDC/molly blues was being in a Facebook message group with my EDC crew (FUNCAR). Turned out that I wasn’t the only one with post-EDC blues; we all had it bad, including G. We’d then collectively joke about how empty-nested and wistful we felt for the magical weekend that just transpired - how we should impulsively buy plane tickets to see each other, roll again, and then have one giant cuddle puddle. Jokes like this and many more were what made this post-rave comedown bearable. The jokes within the group also provided a golden opportunity for me to passively interact with G in a way that didn’t feel forced or awkward. After enough jokes went by, I mustered enough courage to private message G. I had to. I needed to know if there was a way I could keep this flame alive, assuming it was ever lit to begin with.

G seemed receptive to my messages, or at least, as receptive as someone who’s as enigmatic and solemn as a guy like him can get. After discovering that we were both fans of Above & Beyond (A&B), we decided to go to A&B’s upcoming June SoCal show (Anjunabeach) together with a couple of our mutual friends. A large part of me wanted to stay with G at his place but another was too afraid of him turning me down. I didn’t want to force anything or risk coming off as creepy, so I asked one of our mutual friends (GY) to house me that weekend instead.

Anjunabeach

Since Anjunabeach was only a month apart from EDC, both G and I opted not to roll so we could give our brains a chance to recuperate. Despite not rolling, we, like EDC, found ourselves emotionally and physically distant from one another during the day but close and affectionate once we were under the veil of the night sky. God. Dancing with him shirtless, bodies pressed to keep one another warm from the nighttime beach breeze, to my favorite A&B songs felt SO GOOD. Who needs molly when you have someone you’re viscerally attracted to right by your side reciprocating the affection you’re pouring out? As A&B thundered their signature song “Sun & Moon” for their closer, I indulged myself and flirted with the idea that maybe he and I could be each other’s sun and moon?

Once the set ended and the show was over, and again like EDC, G took a step away and reverted to his glacial ways.

Maybe not, I thought.

After going back home with GY, GY asked me with a devious smile… “SO... how was your night with G?”

“I don’t know. I can’t read him. He’s so hot and cold with me. Is he the romantic type? Am I his type? What does it look like from your perspective?”

“Um. You guys looked like you were REALLY into each other.”

“Ugh. Really?”

“YES. Really. You should hang out with him tomorrow until your flight. I’m busy tomorrow afternoon anyways so I’m giving you no choice.”

Aftermath

GY, G, and I got brunch together. And just like GY orchestrated, once brunch was over, he looked at both of us and said with his textbook devious grin, “I gotta go to dance practice now… but YOU GUYS should hang out.” GY then left us abruptly (shoutout to GY for being such a good wingman... LOL), and G and I were left with no choice but to confront one another by ourselves without the protection of the night sky.

When I got to G’s place, we planned to either workout or get food, but instead we ended up talking on his bed for hours. Everything from music to life philosophies – it was as nice as it was unexpected. I remember laying on his bed and looking into his eyes mid conversation and thinking, I could get used to this. Time flies when you’re enjoying yourself, and as 5:00 pm came out of nowhere, we were forced to stop hanging out so I could catch my 6:30 pm flight. He then offered to drive me to the airport, and as he raced me to my terminal, I remember feeling a sense of disbelief. I couldn’t believe G and I were connecting as well as we were. It was only a few years ago that I believed he’d never notice me, but look at us now.

Once we got to the terminal, we both got out of the car, looked at one another longingly, and gave each other a warm and tender embrace.

“Thanks, G, for everything. I had a really great time this weekend, both the lit moments and the chill ones, too.”

“Of course. Thanks for coming.”

“Kaskade Sunsoaked is coming up… are you going?”

“Maybe. Are you?”

“Maybe…”

“Text me when you get back to norcal.”

“I will” I said as I walked away with eyes still locked on him - eyes burdened with the weight of a thousand words left unsaid.