#great quote. GREAT quote. insane to find out this is the context

[wabblebees]

.....WHAT

so uh. today i learned the origin of the quote "i survived bc the fire inside of me burned brighter than the fire around me"

when i stumbled into it (smacked me upside the head more like) while playing fucking. fallout new vegas ??

...........................WHAT

[romana-after-dark]

Room's on Fire: Girl on Fire

Dark!Santiago Garcia x Fem!Reader Dark!Francisco Morales x Fem!Reader Dark!William Miller x Fem!Reader Dark!Benjamin Miller x Fem!Reader

Also: FishBen, and an assortment of other M/M relationships (no Millercest). Everyone is Bisexual

Series Masterlist: Main Masterlist : MainTaglist

Spotify playlist

Summery: Everyone is together, everything is complete.

Warnings and Content:

DEAD DOVE DO NOT EAT

DUB CON MOSTLY but there WILL BE NON CON. Major character deaths, forced breeding, physical abuse, brainwashing, manipulation, violence, gore, alcoholism/addiction, BIG OLE BLASPHEMY WARNING like this cult appropriates a lot of religious themes and they call reader their Madonna, Santi is called the Pope, like all that stuff. However, this is a cult so I mean. It happens. None of it are my thoughts on religion or meant to make fun of religion or demonize religious people. Disgusting views on virginity. Attempted rape outside the boys. T*m warning. Age gap. Creepy terrible men. Non-reader rape, dub con, violence. Covert incest, massive mommy issues, sexual abuse all around, past grooming by parental figure. no CSA but the victim isn't much older. some Bates Motel type shit. I cannot properly warn you for everything, without just telling the story but consider this a major warning that there are dark dark themes. No one involved here is morally clean, and who you perceive as the good guy cannot be relied on. Don't come to my story and say im romanticizing these things until at least the story ends.

WARNINGS HAVE BEEN UPDATED!!!

Extra warnings for chapter: Pregnancy, breeding kink, violent sex, domestic violence on a man, gunshots, references to murder,, death, torture, all the horrors. The end was disturbing even to me, so read with caution. If you find the end was too much, just ask me what happens and I'll tell you. not super plot important but like it was pointed out, the sex is how we see dynamic shifts. Mentions of mpreg fantesy but no mpreg will happen bc they arent actually god, just insane.

3.7k words

A/N: Some pov shifts. Madonna, Jonah, Rey, Santi all get POV's.

A.N2: context for song quote, Alicia wrote girl on fire after the birth of her son.

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"She's on top of the world Hottest of the hottest girls say Oh, we got our feet on the ground And we're burning it down Oh, got our head in the clouds And we're not coming down This girl is on fire" ~ Girl On Fire, Alicia Keys

“It’s okay, you’re gonna do great.” Rey assured her, sitting on a table in the dressing room despite a chair being right there. His lanky legs liked to dangle, you noticed, or sometimes perch up in high places. He reminded you of a bird sometimes, lithe and graceful and seemed to float on his feet.

“What if they don’t like me? What if something happens? What if there’s another uprising or someone wants revenge on me because of my dad-”

“The people love you, and they were going to love you even more with this announcement. Jonah’s not going to let anything happen to you, you know that.”

Your face grows warm at the mention of Jonah. He had acted distant with you since the instance of Frankie and you on the horse, and wouldn’t let you see his face when he showed up the next morning with bruises. In fact, you’d hardly seen him at all. Rey was your primary guard, and Will had talked about moving your room to one with an attached room for Reyansh so that he could stay with you at all times. It seemed everyone knew Iris and Rey were an item, or at least they understood Reyansh was not a threat. You had begged Will not to switch around rooms. The reason given was that you liked your room, but really, you were hoping that you’d be moved into a room with one of your husbands. You weren’t visited by the incubus the night they all slept in your room.

Still, Jonah looked out for you. Under your dress right now was his bulletproof vest. 

A knock on the door.

“Come in.” Iris called to the door, still working on your hair.

Will entered the room. “Are you ready, Madonna?”

Before you opened your mouth, Iris replied. “You could use her real name, you know.”

Will didn’t look at her, keeping his eyes on you. “Her name is irrelevant, her position is everything.” When he turns and sees Reyansh, Will frowns. “What are you doing in here?”

Iris was quick to answer his unvoiced question. “He only came in after she was dressed.”

He instructs Reyansh to ready the carriage. Once he was out, Will turned to you with a smile. “You look stunning, Madonna.” Your heart swells with love for your handsome husband, dressed in his loose white shirt. In your hair, small white flowers adored you, carefully placed and worked in by Iris’s hands. She was incredible, making your dress too. It was colorful, with a color representing all four of your husbands. Under it, a bulletproof vest. No one in delta outside of guardsmen was allowed guns, but he wanted to be safe.

“Wow…” Will whispers, taking you in. There was just the slightest swell of a bump, you wondered if it was just weight gained from eating more these few months. Will took you into his arms kissing you deeply and feeling your stomach. Iris mumbles close enough as you’re pulled away. He turns back to her only a moment. “Make sure everything is ready when we’re back, please.”

Iris sighs, “It always is, Mr. Miller.”

*

Jonah cocked his gun. “Same as last time, honey. Anything happens, you come with me. Those guys can handle themself. I get hurt, do not stop for me. Just run. Someone will come find you, you just keep yourself alive, got it?” His brown eyes were on you for the first time in a long time, and you relaxed. Jonah’s eyes always calm you. It’s scary, knowing you were responsible for not just you, but someone else as well. The priestess stood at the balcony to the side, your husbands flanking you. Pope to your right, Francisco to your left, Ben to his left and Will to Popes right. Just as you were married.

“Men! Women! Children of Delta!” She shouts to the crown. “I present your Gods and your Madonna!” The crowd erupts into screams, and your heart fills with love for your people. “And!” A hush falls over the ground, waiting breaths quiet as they wait for the news. “I present to you, THE SAVIOR!”

The sound was deafening, a noise that shocked you and made you stumble back. To your surprise, Pope was behind you. It was a greater surprise when he rucked up your skirt.

Immediately your hands, out of instinct, go to bring the material down but his fingers quickly dig into your skin, warning you to behave. So, you stand there, humiliated, left hand gripping Francisco’s tighter. Pope loved you, he loved you and he’d never do something just to humiliate you! How stupid of you for feeling that way. This child was long prayed for, they and your body belonged to your husbands, belonged to Delta. Pope lifted your dress over the small bump,exposing your underwear to the crown. No one outside of your husband, a few house motherns and prefects had seen you in your underwear, so this was difficult…

But then Pope kissed your neck, and the worries melted away. Will, Francisco and Ben come to you, each placing a hand on your stomach as the priestess shouts, reaffirming that the savior’s parentage was of all four, that each of your husbands fathered this baby. You were called the vessel for their seed.

Then, you were placed on a tour. On a sitting carriage with all 4 of your husbands, you were paraded around to cheering people, the faces of women from your dormitory and even your room recognizable in the crowds. One woman whose bed was next to yours shot you a deadly glare as you passed by. She was mean, frequently detailing her escapades with Ben and throwing your own lack of attention in your face, but who was laughing now? Ben choose her for a short term fuck. You had a greater purpose.

When you reached the mansion again, the gates were crowded with people reaching out for you, and although there was fear as the mass of the crowd grew, there was also power. The savior of the broken, the beaten and the damned lay in your holy womb, you were the bringer of life. YOU were the divine mother.

The gunshot brought you back to reality.

*

“WILL!” You scream as your husband is shot backwards, stumbling into his brother’s arms who he shoved out of the way of the bullet. Jonah didn’t care about Will, however. He didn’t care about Ben falling at him brothers side under the weight. He didn’t even care about Francisco scrambling to grab at Ben in the chaos, and he certainly didn’t care about Santiago dragging Frankie away.

He cared about, sobbing in his arms desperately trying to get to your fallen love. Jonah wrapped an arm around you and pulled you away into the riotous, scampering crowd. You needed to get away from the shooter. 

“NO!” You bawl loudly. Howling that he’s dying, that you need to be with him, but Jonah didn’t give a shit about that prick. He calls to Reyansh, who jumped out of the carriage the second the gun goes off. It was intentional, having Rey at the helm with him; only Rey would care enough about you out of all the guardsmen that Jonah could depend on him. Into the madness, you wouldn’t stop screaming and that rainbow dress of yours was not helping the situation. 

“Rey! The tunic!” Jonah had to spin you around to disorient you enough to make you stop fighting in your hysteria, forcing your arms up while Rey slid a long, brown standard tunic over your body, making you blend into the neutral tones on the crown. Jonah clamped down over your mouth and pulled you away as the center of the shooting grew further away, Reynash covering you both. Once at the posting for a guard, Rey held you as Jonah mounted the steed and pulled you up, riding off with you.

*

You hadn't stopped sobbing for hours. Reyansh watched in concern, wanted so badly to comfort you lest the heaving and thrashing harm the baby or yourself. Rey loved children, he couldn’t wait for a day he could take Iris away and raise a family together, to finally be with her intimately and live a life with her. 

Even if children weren’t in the picture (Iris wanted one in theory, but was hesitant to bring one into this world, understandably.) he’d cherish a life growing old with his lover. Maybe they’d some orphaned child; Iris had a soft spot for children in need. Her maternal instincts are why, despite not wanting to be friends or even really know her, Iris took care of the girl. Iris had ten years on the naive child. Continuously, she had warned him about keeping his distance, not raising suspicion that anything was happening between him and the girl, but it wasn’t his fault she was damn delightful. However, despite her obvious beauty, talents and sweet demeanor, nothing compared to Iris.

Reyansh could wax poetry about her all day long, and often did. He barely had any free time, most of the pockets of time he had, Rey liked to help Iris with her Herculean tasks, the laundry and dishes like Sisyphus and the boulder. He couldn’t take away the fact the next day would be filled with more dishes, more wall washing, more cooking, but he’d gladly sacrifice an hour of sleep so she could gain one. With him at all times, however, was his notebook and pen. As he sat at a mount or perch Rey liked to try his hand at poetry and writing. 

Sometimes it was about the beauty of nature, the flowers he planted and gardens he kept, how they gave him joy during difficult times. Sometimes it was about the complex nature of family, of Iris and Jonah, Santiago and what he knew of Beatriz, which wasn’t much, the strained love and hatred between Will and Ben, or his own desire for fatherhood. Sometimes he wrote about the 5 lovers, the girl, the men who claimed to be gods, how each individual relationship strengthened them and weakened them in their own ways and how the girl changed things for better or for worse. Mostly, he just wrote about Iris, the prettiest flower he had.

He caught a glimpse of Jonah at the window, motioning him to come out. This safe house was his idea. Apparently, he and Marcus used to escape here sometimes.

Rey tries to tell you he’s stepping outside but you aren’t listening, curled up in a ball on the bed sobbing. He makes his exit.

Once outside, Jonah offers him a sip from his flask but Rey declines.

“I was going to ask how she is, but I can hear my answer.” The sound of you wailing penetrates the walls.

“How Will?”

“He’ll live, unfortunately.”

“Damn.”

“Yeah.” Jonah sighs, lighting a cigarette. “Wish those fuckers would just die.”

There was a long pause, Reyansh thinking hard before saying what he was thinking. He didn’t defy or talk back to Jonah, he respected him as his superior and, for all intents and purposes, his father in law. But Jonah was flawed. “You’re the one with a gun, Jonah”

Jonah inhaled a long drag before answering in a puff of smoke. “We’ve been over this.” He walked into the safe house.

They had talked, several times. Rey wanted Iris out but he didn’t have much power and knowledge. Jonah had the gun and a hundred reasons not to. There was no way to kill all 4 because everyone was armed. The community would riot. There was no where safe to go. A failed attempted would end Iris’s life. All these may be true, Jonah did have 4 decades of guard experience… but really, Rey thought he was just a coward, and maybe he cared for Pope and/or Francisco more than he’d like to admit. He’d been with those two since infancy, helped raise them, been a father figure most of their lives… it was understandable.

When he walked into the house, it was to crying but this time, relieved. He must have told her Will would be okay. You had your arms wrapped around his neck and he held you close to him, rubbing your back.

“It’s gonna be okay, honey, everyone’s gonna be just fine.”

*

Ben was changing Will’s bandages when you walked in and it made you nauseous to see the blood. Jonah said the bullet went straight through, that he’d be okay he just needed to rest, but the sight was disturbing.

Will groans. “Baby, don’t want you seeing me like this.”

Benny flicks his brothers arm. “Let her be, she was worried about you.”

The older Miller grumbled, but allowed you to kneel his side. He thumbed away a tear, “Don’t cry for me, beautiful girl.”

“What happened?” You sniffle, looking between Benny and Will.

“A girl from the dorms, she took the gun off a guard and tried to shoot-”

Ben interrupted. “You, Madonna.” He looked to his brother. “Melody, your old roommate, she tried to shoot you out of jealousy, she wanted to be with me. Will pushed you aside, took the bullet.”

You blink at that. Melondy wanted to shoot you? She wanted you dead? And Will. was he even standing by you? “But… I don’t remember being pushed.”

“Oh sweet girl…” Will cood. “Do you not remember? Poor thing, it was probably so traumatic-”

“No, I remember-”

“Your brain probably blocked a lot of it out, repressed it to protect you.”

Yeah, yeah that made sense. Memory was fragile. Will winced and Ben finished cleaning him and you took his hand as a new packing kit was applied. “Thank you for saving me…” You kiss his hand, feeling the rough knuckles warm skin. “For saving our baby…”

You fell asleep beside him that night, laying on his chest. He was warm, firm, inviting and protective. Nothing mattered more than the fact your husbands and your baby were safe.

Melody was dead. After the first shot missed, she approached where the four men had gathered intent on finding you, but Ben said Pope shot her square in the forehead, that he protected you while Jonah and Reyansh took you to safety. Ben said he had stood in front of his brothers and you, fearless, brave and bold. Pope loved his people, but he loved you most of all.

When you awoke, it was lae evening and although you wanted to go back to sleep, after some tossing and turning you realized you could. Not wanting to wake Will, you check his pulse and breathing, both strong and head out of the room to see if anyone is up. You know they dont like you wandering around the mansion without protection but you weren’t a child.

After Jonah and Rey had taken you back home, you were desperate to see William, but Pope demanded your presence with Francisco, both holding you tightly and checking you over again and again, tell you how precious you were, how loved. Pope knelt in front of you, hands on your belly, kissing it. You were thankful to have such loving and protective husbands. Despite the horrors of today, you felt blessed beyond measure 

You came to the kitchen first seeing a light on. Sometimes Benny liked late night snacks. Instead, you see Iris and Reyansh slow dancing in the kitchen. Iris was actually smiling. No doubt Rey was fearful of his own women’s safety being forced in the cabin with you for so long after a riot broke out right outside where she was. Silent, you step away from the cute lovers and allow them their time. Rey helped save your life today, you needed to thank him, and thank Iris for all she did for your family, you were lucky to have them both.

You try to see if Pope is awake next. When you approach his room, the grunting sounds make you stop, peaking through the slightly cracked door. Pope was on top of Francisco, fucking into his ass with his legs bent up into a press. It was a position he used on you many a time. Francisco was a puddle beneath him, his curls stuck to the sweat on his head. He looked incredible. The way Pope kissed him so deep… You couldn’t help feeling warm inside. How lucky you were that your husbands loved each other so much.

Ben was found in the gym. For a moment, you merely watch him. Shirtless in his red shorts and throwing punches at a punching bag. He probably had so much energy in him after everything today, watching his brother bleeding in his arms. She knew they didn’t always get along, Ben holding anger for Will so often and over what, you couldn’t yet discern. Maybe this tragedy would bring them back together. You admire his body, carved out and chiseled in perfect form. 

You loved the bodies of all your husbands, in each and every different.

Will was largess; tall, muscular, wide everywhere. Everywhere. His body consumed you just as yours consumed him; he was like a shield, metaphorically and now literally.

Santiago was softer. A small belly that was only noticeable when he was bent over, plush though and a moon shaped ass. He was all curves, from his nose down to his calved you had massaged so ardently.

If Pope was soft, Francisco was a pillow. Heavy weight surrounded him, the broad expanse of his shoulders to the fat at his waist and you just wanted to bury your face into it, you want to bite, nibble, and worship the pudge that spilled over his pants.

Ben was lean, the tallest of them and slim hips under rippling muscles. Golden God, beholden before you and it was as if his glory radiated off him. Despite the strength he was light on his feat. He could have been a boxer in another life.

“How are you feeling?” His deep voice breaks the tranfiction of the way his body moved, stilling the punching bag.

“I’m good, just woke from a nap with Will.”

Still looking away, Ben nodded. His mood matched the storm clouds out the window. After wiping his face, Benny chugged water and then finally made his way over to you in long, quick strides. His eyes flashed with the lightning outside.

*

Pope fucked Frankie with a fury he couldn’t recall in years. Frankie had defined him, ignoring his orders to leave but no, he wanted to stay with Ben. 

“You don’t think I wanted Ben and Will safe too?” He growled in his lovers ear. 

“I know!”

“You’re more important!”

He almost lost Will, Ben, the savior, and most importantly Frankie today. The girl would pay, fuck she’d pay. He couldn’t do anything Madonna might see, she thinks she’s dead already… no, a gunshot was to quick for someone trying to harm his family, but he’d make her suffer.

His anger toward Francisco wouldn't be helped when today, when he went to make love to Frankie, he found him in Ben's arms, cumming on his hand.

*

Ben had you pinned against the wall, fucking into you with your legs hitched around his narrow hips. The wind outside picked up speed, displaying his anger, his frustration, his love and his lust. You let him take you, fucking into your pregnant womb with his face tucked in your neck. You felt as if you were floating, like you were the center of the world right now. The sun God orbited you. Someone had tried to take you from him, a women he used to claim as his own but she had been cast aside for a reason. In her jealousy, she though she could regain her place at his side but that was foolish. Ben would never have loved her the way he loved you, the way he loved his husbands. Will, Francisco and Pope could never love her. 

She was not the Madonna.

She could never carry the savior.

She could only ever have a bastard.

*

“Gonna fill you up, Frank.” Pope grunted, breath hot against Francisco's cheek, mouth to mouth, lips to lips. “Gonna fill up this tight little hole of yours until you’re pregnant with my baby, you got that?”

Frank’s eyes went wide. “Santi, wha-” But he stopped when Santiago slapped him. This shocked Frankie, Santi didn’t slap him, he didn’t hurt him like that…

“Take it!” Santiago screams, tears of anger blurring his eyes. He chose Ben over him. He’d rather stay in danger with Ben than safety with him. “Your mine, under stand?!” When Frankie didn’t answer right away, Pope gripped his jaw and felt a warm tear fall down his cheek. “DO YOU UNDERSTAND?!”

*

Long fingers gripping your asscheeks, digging into the sensitive skin.

Firm abs rubbing against your body.

Hips stimulating your clit.

A finger fucking into your asshole. 

Everything was better than your wildest dreams. No incubus, a child on the way, friends and family. This was a life your father tried to take from you, but you were like gold that’s tested in fire.

Ben came inside when the thunder cracked, lightning still flashing and illuminating him with light. He muttered Francisco’s name.

*

“YES!” Francisco shouted in pain, face grimacing. “I’m yours! I’m yours Santi, fill me up! Make me-” He swallowed, tears forming at his long lashes. He gritted his teeth. “Make me p-pregnant!”  Francisco was saying anything that'd make Santi stuff, just to make him cum and end this. He just wanted it over. All of it. He didn't understand why he wasn't allow to be happy, to feel safe, to have peace. Instead he had to submit to Santi's whims just like Beatriz.

Santiago tucked his face into his lovedrsneck, biting him as he came inside. Whimpering, tears streaming wildly down his face, Santiago bit into Frankie’s tender flesh: neck, then shoulder, till finally he just continuously bit into the skin on his large arm, drawing the blood and bruising the skin. It hurt like hell, Frankie's head thrashing back and forth on the pillow trying to take the pain and bare it. Santiago's tears mixed with blood as he finished cumming, thrusts slowing into a lul.

Francisco didn’t know where his body ended and Santi’s began.

He wanted Ben, to be held and protected by him. To be touched gently, with love. To be not possessed but show off so that he knew Ben was proud of him, proud of what they had, not what the fuck Santigo was doing to him. He wanted Madonna with her sweet kisses and open adoration. He wanted Will with his healing nature, tender hands on his arching, bleeding arm. He wanted anything but Santi’s touch right now.

Santiago curled behind Francisco. His hand rested on Frankie’s stomach.

***********

This disturbed me writing the end asdfghjkl

Madonna crying Reminds me of tww bonus chapter where little one thinks joel is dead and is just ugly sobbing

Madonna has... a lot to process today, and absolutly no therapy and no one she can be honest with about what she's witnessing.

I hope you all enjoyed... or .... something....???

Thoughts on Santis episode, Benny having a fit because he wanted Frankie but had to take madonna, will being shot, madonna is pregant, rey's thoughts!!!!! Jonah protecting madonna, etc.

UUUHHHHH poll?

love you all dearly <3 I hope to get at least one more tf fic for the triple frontier anniverary evnt before the end, and maybe something else like a TWW bonus chapter i've been wanting, but no gurantees. next week is spring break and i have 10k worth of commissions to write so il be busy! I wanna get the last chapter of my handmaids tale au out though, end that baby <3

also if you havn't yet, consider following me on my main @romanarose because im like 20 followers away from 2k and once i do, ill be open to writing stuff for a celebration!

Please consider joining me in in donating to humanitarian aid in Rafah through Doctors Without Borders

LOVE YOU ALL!

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[saintarmand]

Is armand really that obsessed and in love with lestat like the fandom claims i haven't read the books but i get the feeling that he hates him

the fandom DEFINITELY exaggerates it but it's not at all a baseless claim either. but you're right that he does hate him too lol

obligatory disclaimer i've only read books 1-6 in full (stuck on chapter 2 of merrick still) and seen some out of context quotes from later books

without going into specifics their relationship started by armand fucking over lestat who then fucked him over right back (while also mocking him) and armand kinda lost everything and decided that the person(s) responsible should fix it by becoming his everything. because that's what happened LAST time armand lost everything. and they both realize how much they have in common and they're both attracted to each other but lestat gets Bad Vibes so he says thanks but no thanks. but then later he's like hmm maybe armand freaks me out so much because i actually could love him TOO MUCH. scary... and every time armand falls in love he goes intense obsession mode (which lestat also tends to do ofc) and getting rejected by someone who was clearly tempted made it so the whole thing rears its head again every time armand doesn't have someone else. such as louis who is worth a million atrocities they both know this.

to summarize the Vibe they have a mutual love hate thing going on like they've done awful things to each other but also forgive each other but also don't forget but also care deeply about each other but also find each other so fucking annoying. the love is mutual but bc lestat is repulsed by both their similarities and their differences, he doesn't want to actually spend much time around armand. whereas armand wants lestat as his companion because of those similarities and differences. i saw a post once saying they're basically "recognition of the self through the other (derogatory) and (affectionate)" and i think that's a great way to put it. and they're able to forgive each other to an insane level because they recognize that in the same position they would've done the same thing. to me that's kinda the core of their relationship

but yeah there's a lot of baggage so they just end up fighting every time they meet except sometimes lestat is like omg hi armand hiiiiii 😄🥰 and armand is like omg hi 😳🥰🙄

oh and also armand seems to be the only one consistently willing to acknowledge out loud that lestat is a fucking idiot. but also kinda looks up to him in some ways. and lestat thinks armand is pathetic and a child even though armand is older by several hundred years. basically this:

and lestat is kinda marius's "favorite" (or rather just the one he actually respects) even though armand is the only one he actually kinda "raised" (yuck) and lestat is the one who never fucking does as he's told (probably actually all crucial to the respect thing.) so this also contributes to a deep resentment once armand finds out which is valid as hell like who wouldn't go insane like that's his ex-loverfather (die marius die) and lestat is just some guy marius met and decided to like and trust. but im getting off track

basically as always it's much more complicated than the fandom jokes make it out to be and like almost everything in these damn books it's a fascinating relationship that's very underwritten and has the potential to be explored better in the show...

tl;dr it's like this:

[hecatesbroom]

Weird writing questions for you! Numbers 7, 25, 32, 34 :)

Aa thank you!! I just answered about half of this ask when my answer was deleted (my own fault :') so here's attempt number 2 haha

7. What is your deepest joy about writing?

I think it's having a way to express my love for the characters and settings I write about, as well as getting to express my love for language itself! So: getting to use a medium I love to convey my love for... the world and its people (and stories, and characters), I guess? :)

Getting to share my writing with people (and finding a community because of it!) is definitely a great, of not the biggest joy as well — but I personally feel like that's more a joy of the result of writing, rather than writing in and of itself? If that makes sense!

25. What is a weird, hyper-specific detail you know about one of your characters that is completely irrelevant to the story?

I genuinely can't think of a single one, because I feel like every single detail I come up with about a character ends up being relevant to a story in one way or another! For example, I have this one OC who always wears some sort of knitwear. It started out as a random character detail I really couldn't find a use for other than characterisation, but the knitwear (and its varying states, as well as whether it was handmade or store-bought) eventually came to symbolise the state of his fraying marriage!

So: none, because the minute I come up with a hyper-specific detail, my brain decides it's Very Important, Actually and immediately finds a way to weave it into the story or its symbolism 😂

32. What is a line from a poem/novel/fanfic etc that you return to from time and time again? How did you find it? What does it mean to you?

Ohh I have a couple, but I think this quote (a bit more than a line, sorry!) from the locked tomb series really stuck with me. To the point where I put part of it in my bio!

"Bury me next to you in that unmarked grave, Joy. We knew that was the only hope we ever had–that we would live to see it through . . . and pray for our own cessation. Oh, we'll still hate each other, my dear, we have hated each other too long and too passionately to stop . . . but my bones will rest easy next to your bones."

I'm not sure what it is about this quote, but something about it (especially with the context of the story and this whole messed up relationship) makes me go a little bit insane over it whenever I read it haha. I think when I read this for the first time, I finally realised I was done for and proceeded to fully fixate on the locked tomb until my Tolkien obsession took over. So it marks the start of a pretty intense love for these books, I guess 😂 (I'll spare you the full analysis on this but ohh, there's so much to say about it even without the context of the series!! The imagery, the slight shift in tone towards the end!!)

34. Thoughts on the Oxford comma, Go:

Great, amazing, and show-stopping. So good I started using it in Dutch, even though it's technically incorrect here. It's amazing for clarity, and skipping it can provide some hilarious misinterpretations.

[bentosandbox]

More sporadic Lone Trail ramblings/TLs

prev one here this time more about the saria/kirsten/mumu trio and fanservice and the CGs in general spoiler warning etc etc

1

(From 4-END) Silence asks Saria if she's incapable of standing against Rhine Lab because deep inside she's the same as them and when she finally answers she's like

......I'm sorry, Silence. I did think about it thoroughly, but I can't give you a definitive answer. If Kirsten's experiment does touch a law that should not have been, then I will stop her, just like all the mistakes Rhine Lab has committed over the years-- they ought to be corrected, for I have always believed, the more power one holds, the less they should act recklessly. But if I were to go back in time, to the moment where Kirsten and I first met, when everything had yet to transpire...I would not have stopped her then, nor the birth of Rhine Lab. Yes, even if I knew that Rhine Lab would create this many Catastrophes, even if I could have predicted that Kirsten, Parvis and Ferdinand would eventually grow out of control-- I would still have stood together with them as I did.

(From 5-END) Mumu:

Did you know? Back then, Saria and I even picked out Kirsten's clothes. Yup, Saria cares about fashion more than she does! (Control truly only has 1[or 2 lol] things in her brain)

Yara (HR and the one responsible for Silence2's outfit) is basically kind of a parent figure to Kirsten 🥹 (so I guess they're a parallel to Silence and Iffy...)

uhm what else. the 3 of them used to go stargazing together and in a flashback mumu picks up a (shiny) rock

Mumu: Kirsten, see that rock on the ground? What does it look like? Kirsten: ...... Mumu: It's like Saria, right? It's so hard(like, firm) and yet it shines so 'perfectly'! Kirsten: ...Like the stars.

idk how global is going to do this part but in CN (and in JP?) Rhine Lab is literally 'Rhine Life' and mumu asks if Kirsten really wants to name it that instead of something like 'Rhine Physics' since she 'just wants to fly to the sky' and she says no, RL is good, because

I want to know what exactly are the stars we see. I want to know what lies beyond the barrier wrapping around us. I want to know...to see just what kind of land do we live in, if I can really take a look while standing among the stars.......Most of the answers I want are about 'us'.

oh one last one quote out of context for you fic writers Saria (to mumu): You're the same as always. The moment you get a little nervous, you forget just how frail your body is.

2

Love the idea of mumu being doc's bestie/oomfie but her and hol's lines/whatever else have irreparably damaged the AK ecosystem fr tbqhwyf and i thought skadol was bad lol. Now we'll have triple the NTR jokes great amazing wonderful (i launch myself into space)

'But its rationalized they're all the last of their kind!!!!' Justification doesn't fucking matter the damage has been done to their (perceived) characters i want my insane morally fucked up scientists not some generic lonely gf that steals the mc from other girls or some harem bullshit forgot what the term was and i dont want to know

Imagine getting a generic ass cg of 'pov mumu is so sad and helpless and needs your help to rescue her!!' (this happens after and not getting one for the extremely kino saria and mumu fight where you find out more about just how inter-connected the 3 of them were (are…?) and saria is first overwhelmed by all the water and she remarks how shes has never seen water(from mm) this turbulent before but within the waves she cant find the elf and all she finds is are sad eyes and tears…I can only feel pity for Mumu fans who don't give a damn about shipping themselves for her. speaking of CGs...

3

AK is clearly inspired and references a lot of IRL media and it shows with their graphic design work (UI, motion graphics etc) here's a link to a Lone Trail analysis but....for some reason the story CGs are quite bereft of the same energy (dare i say passion even lol) imo

ofc CGs are to immerse you in the story etc etc and they're really pretty but

how immersive is a fucking practically copypasted photobashed kirsten (the CG is very beautiful otherwise I love aZling4's rendering style sm.. probably my second favourite CG after the depressing 2nd lobby one you get post-ST4 where......shes also in the same pose.........motherfuckers)

Like man could you not have posed him any other way than hand in pocket with average cosplayer photoshoot lighting

this CG of hol almost getting rekt by saria is pretty weak imo that grip is non-existent nothing much to say (atm) about hol but that i love fanart where she looks/acts like a freak instead of (90% of fanart)

saria literally just fell from almost space back to earth and she looks almost unscathed lol mumu's water can't possibly be that rejuvenating

Maybe it's meant to be kind of incomprehensible but uh when the story went tonight the truth is finally glimpsed by humans for the first time or something I was like ....what is even happening in this picture lol

idk like doing partitioned CGs like how limbus does it would be so good tbh sometimes all they just show is a face and its like ? all that space? I'm guessing the artists have to do the concept/compositions themselves and some just have fresher ideas than others or time constraints etc basically i would just love to see CGs that are references to kino movie shots or something, they love movies so much right??? what about some good cinematography????

Dont want to sound like im flexing my useless veterans card or whatever but like. im a day 0 fan, i played their OBT, i started my acc on day 1, i remember being so excited about this game being so different from the other mobages, i didn't like how GFL was becoming way way more fanservicey then so AK was like a literal noah's ark with a whole bunch of artists ive revered from my touhou days, and now seeing it (inevitably!) slide towards GFL and the average mobage has me like 'well im glad limbus exists they let their women wear pants and be irredeemably insane(looking at you talulah 🥲)'

regardless of all that complaining this might beat italiano perros for favourite event because i was one of those kids with a space phase and something about the trio's dynamic.... (brain chugging) something about water unable to move unshakeable earth (but it can soften though...) that in turn can never reach the sky you know you know just like how a tiger can never be on the same level as a dragon 'real' animal vs mythical

[baronfulmen]

Absolutely unhinged article from Wired

So there's this well known and very successful fantasy author named Brandon Sanderson. He wrote some of my favorite books. He's known for really good worldbuilding, interesting magic systems, and being extremely prolific. I mean it's nuts, he just cranks out books at an insane rate.

Some idiot from Wired magazine had to write an article about him and it is absolutely bizarre. Sanderson invited this guy into his home and spent what seems to be a lot of time entertaining and chatting with this guy and the whole article is just strange petty complaints and projection and insults and... it's ridiculous.

This is his big complaint - Sanderson just isn't INTERESTING enough to write a good article about! He's lame, and boring, and bad at everything, and his clothes don't fit right, and he puts salt on his ramen, and he talks too much. It's honestly embarrassing to read.

He makes it clear that he was openly rude to Sanderson in the moment, as well:

Hilariously, Sanderson agrees with this and acknowledges that on the sentence level his writing isn't great. This is accurate, honestly. It's better in some books (or parts of books) than others, but his strengths are with the larger story and sometimes his writing is a bit weak (but still very readable, in the way that a lot of YA stuff or beach reads are). Anyway then we move on to insulting his fans.

Okay so his pale, fleshy, nerdy, man-child fans smell bad. Got it.

He paints a picture of a really idyllic life, one of not only success but of good times surrounded by friends and family. It's clear he's bothered by this because he doesn't think Sanderson deserves it due to bad writing and the fact that he's Mormon. The author of this article really really hates that Sanderson is Mormon. (Look, I have no love for the Mormon church but it's still super strange, it's like when you see stuff on a show and are like "oh the author has a fetish" or something. This writer has a hate-boner for Mormons that cannot just be explained by the normal and valid criticisms of the Mormon church, this is something personal and traumatic I think.)

Oh and he tries to convince Sanderson and his family to go to Evermore, which I find hilarious. They tell him it's run down and shitty but he insists and they later go, and yeah it's run down and shitty.

Anyway, as promised he ends up crying because this story isn't interesting enough which is for sure Sanderson's fault and not the fault of the article writer himself being bad at his job. Also because he hates Hugh Jackman.

Oh and then he wants to cry again because they salt their food:

Anyway he pesters Sanderson about being Mormon, focusing on the parallels in the books without for a second thinking about the ways where the comparison breaks down - imagine if, inspired by being raised Christian, I wrote something with a lot of Jesus parallels but also had a scene where the Jesus stand-in killed everyone and the heroes banded together to kill Jesus and take on the mantle of Son of God. But he gets something he can quote out of context to seem somewhat odd or egotistical so I guess he's pleased.

So yeah, the whole thing is just a super bad article that's not worth reading. Sanderson responded, being way nicer than I would have.

If you want to know more, I wouldn't suggest reading the article. I don't think it needs more clicks. There's nothing of real interest I left out, but I know there's a YouTube video about it everyone is suggesting (and which I haven't watched) so if you want to know more I guess I'd say watch that.

[snubulous]

bnha 381 overview

spoilers ahead. But you already knew that.

Wait… you’re telling me that tartarus prison guard who gave that dark-ass speech from way back when the prison break happened is seigi’s father? that… makes a lot of sense, actually. I can definitely see how much of seigi’s personality and thinking is derived from that line of reasoning, and how losing his father to the very “beasts” he was guarding would drive him say he straight up would be satisfied by killing afo, though he refuses to give afo the satisfaction of acting in such an unheroic way.

Not all of the kiddos have changed all that much from their predecessors, as this right here shows. Some are influenced in negative ways.

The speech for context:

looks like the battle against afo has devolved into a chaotic brawl of some sort. I honestly can hardly tell what’s even going on in this image. It’s baffling that the first year hero students are even alive at this point when the battlefield looks like this.

I know a lot of people don’t like afo as a villain all that much, but I personally love to see how creative he can get with quirk application and all the ridiculous combo-moves he can pull off. It must take a lot of effort to not only find quirks that are compatible, but to also have the patience to train and utilize them in just the right way that creates insane power that his first-generation body really shouldn’t even be capable of. Like it or not, he’s mastered defiance of his own limitations time and time again, a villain that just doesn’t go down, an eternal demon king in contrast with All Might’s limited 40-ish year reign.

Endeavor just keeps on making the same damn mistakes.

Poor hawks and goddamn first-year hero students have been carrying the afo battle while endeavor is just running around or freezing up in a panic, unable to do much of anything. If he doesn’t figure it out soon, it’ll be his undoing.

nice quote from Inasa here.

We also get more confirmation of just how unaware the general population is/was of afo’s existence. Considering he was the one who reigned supreme during the dark era… did the hero commission or otherwise Japan’s government keep information on him hidden on purpose, or is this afo’s doing, perhaps not wanting his past to be public knowledge? He does seem to prefer to take a backseat when it comes to publicity, despite his care for physical appearance and presentation. Only his chosen enemies know a damn thing about him, and maybe he likes it that way.

The visual here sort of looks like the great attractor. Hawks is still and endeavor stan, even after everything. It’s good to see that he still has a lot of spirit left in him.

“he’s behind me, isn’t he?”

Okay, but that visual of little tokoyami sleeping with dark shadow is just adorable.

And damn… tokoyami did not hold back with that insult. afo is called out and now faces the true god of the night.

I can’t tell you how much I love these panels.

This was overall a really good chapter, though I doubt we’re at all close to the end of the afo battle. He won’t go down without a fucking fight.

[zzoupz]

oc questions !!! feel free to answer all or none :))

1. tell me about your favorite! (/pos)

2. tell me about your least favorite! (/pos) (stinky awful garbage man *gender neutral)

3. anything living in your head rent free? story concept, single scene without context, oc concept you wont get around to making?

4. tell me about your favorite relationship (friendship included!) between ocs!

5. do you have a favorite oc name? what is it and how'd you get it?

6. anything driving you truly batshit? going insane over them?

7. tell me something sad about an oc!

8. tell me something sweet about an oc!

9. any ""retired"" ocs you still think about?

10. pick a favorite character n tell me three songs you think theyd like!

hihi! sorry this is a bit late I want to get back on my pc for this

1. oh damn I have multiple favorites! I think ones that I enjoy the most (at the moment) are them

(yellow: Lee Harrison | blue: Bryan Dickinson)

they are basically a (in the 2000s) newbie punk band formed by two friends who are like brothers to each other. they bonded over both having not so great families (not like tragic-backstory awful but yknow. the average traditional family)

yeah I still can't figure out what their band name would be. yeah since 2020. sorry. such is life.

while they're not the ones I've wrote the most about, as in not much at all, I just really like them :)

2. Bartholomew. I used to like him then I realize how generic he is so I hate him now (/j) (yeah I actually do want to post about him less though)

3. been thinking about the dynamic normal human x immortal who finds them in every life. so simple and common but I go insane over it every time. I think it would be fun

4. ohohohoho man ok here are some in no particular orders

Time & Denial core, Denial/Dan (black hair, also the last image) is by @/ akamavarii

they were basically our coresonas, but they've became their own characters at this point so I think it counts

friends who commits OSHA violations together!!!

they share 1 brain cell and takes turns over it like an Xbox (quote from ami himself)

Iandithas & Lumeous (if you noticed one of the name changed its bc I did)

a bard & a wizard duo who are retired and are now a shopkeeper & a chemist

its funny I care about them this much bc Lumeous was supposed to be a dad and a side character to my other oc and Iandithas was a doodle of a random guy and now they mean the world to me

there have been like 5 people who pointed out that they look like a couple and you're right and I fucking hate that you're right. and they were roommates etc

Overseer / Conqueror

this one is new very obviously but I've been thinking about them for a LONG while.

friends to lovers to enemies heehoo heehoo heehoo heehoo heeh

can you tell I like it when queer relationships

5. Fakzky HAS to have my favorite origin. fun fact there's a bot on facebook that would combine the names of their followers (only if they request, don't worry) and it was my source of inspo for my fantroll names in 2020, Fakz is the only one I took completely from it and the post is still there!

6. the 35 awesome and cool animatics that exists in MY mind

7. oh man I don't wanna say something sad :( mostly bc I'm bad at it and it would sound cringe :(

8. I have a plague doc oc and she has 3 pet rats ^_^ they're all named after murderers from the bible but yeah whatever

(Dias Cain Jael in that order btw)

9. hmmm them I think. I make stuff about them way less nowadays but still draw them time to time. Cath is from 2018 and funnily is originally a fusion of two characters. and Danya is from early 2021 when I was just trying stuff out. I made them friends just cuz I think they look like they would do drugs together

10. I have no idea man I created them not know them (I am so so bad at this)

[luckyofthelawnvariety]

Empires smp has been great! (out of context festival episode moments, not in order, and some of the quotes are paraphrased)

whatever mythical sausage’s entire ep was honestly that man makes me insane

”I see GrEaT dAnGeR~“

false and jimmy getting along

”I’m single now so~”

pixlriffs falling into a ravine and finding a skeleton horse down there??

”deals off, sorry :( <3”

false is shy and uncertain but her little “go gem!” gave me life

”you can also wear it as a hat” “aw!”

”so he spits not-“ gets cut off because we are at least trying to keep the server rating down (eyes scott and sausage and joel)

”~the spirits call to me~“

”yeah, take your top off!” “joel???”

...the rift...why...also sausage did you have to make thirteen teleport noises at the end of your episode for each of the hermits that went through, huh?

”discount toys from the sexy man~“ “wait who’s the sexy man?” “right there~” “gem?”

the whole dragon egg thing lmao

”I know your secret!” “shut up don’t tell people’s secrets!”

APPLAUD

”who is he? I’ve never heard of him!” “him, from earlier!” “Oh, it’s the bard guy!” “the bard!” “can you start already?” “get on with it!” “hurry up!” “where are the snowballs?”

”they should kiss!”

”what’s the internet?”

”gamers - I mean ladies and gentlemen”

”why were you guys fighting?” “well..” “over you!”

false’s compliment for the sheriff being “...I like your hat?” she is so awkward I love it

also scott and gem putting nice compliments for jimmy

”I’m aN OwL???! hoot.”

”Have a golden carrot. you’re a good boy, yes you are, yes you are. the sheriff is corrupt.”

jimmy called hermès stupid and got two shot by joel and sausage

“we sent them on missions. willingly.”

”I didn’t know I had such good friends around these parts“ “eh?” “I’m in your will”

...just joel and sausage bringing hermès around with them the whole festival and having him participate

”this was great!” “that was weird”

...owen the llama

anyways I would love false and gem’s perspective on all of this since it seemed like false was awkward and gem was wonderful but I’ll wait, for Oli’s perspective too

[37q]

11 spending a lot of time on r/AmITheAngel for like a month straight late this winter rly helped me flesh out this tension in my cranium about mass public "socialization" in the post-modern internet. a little too much detachment on there for me but its honed my skeptic eye for that mediums social propriety and writing. they could stand to identify fetish stuff a little better but theyre pretty keen compared to, like, the rest of the internet.

12 oh for some context the premise of the sub is that, like, most of the content on r/AmITheAsshole is manufactured, self-serving BS, and so they pass their time on /AITAngel by taking potshots at OP's embarrassingly obvious agenda and psychological issues. "16 year old trying to find non-scholarly quotes for their creative writing prompt", "boyfriend provoking argument material for his weird obsession over getting babytrapped" etc etc. anyways

21 so like ok weve long-tempered the observable materiality and truth of these online social domains. like weve screened for all bullshit and loopholes, people are only engaging here in formal avenues of real feeling and good faith, moderation is swift, vastly codified and arbitrarily enforced. but oh wait 99.5% of members are viewers... and commenters are encouraged to speak outwards to hypothetical audiences...

31 hm gotta admit too the reality of it makes great, free, and "natural" educational material. or cringecam footage. or fetish fuel. or argument enders. or just mundane attachment to things we think we know and things we use to fortify those assumptions!

212 nothing gets you more engaged than totally immersing yourself in the totality of a "truth", however theres a conflict in that kind of detachment, the subject-object utility. either we genuinely give a shit about all these mf's miserable lives and get offended by some commenter's moral code, or we detach, confirm, reproduce, and make it a theater.

213 and the theater isn't a fun one, either, the cynicism and objectification will rot your brain. we can slap together some semblance of critical meta-engagement -- yknow like consumption as a consumer, collecting this to use it later, self-aware bordering on parasocial viewership (my god when a lurker mentions a "well-known" commenter by name... EW!) -- but in the end our consumption of the material will mediated by the fact that, like, we can only find use of it by suspending (and IMO fundamentally sundering) the scrutability of what we hold to be true. the authenticity gets all garbled up in the process, like this is hilarious bullshit for their sense of reality but also i kind of dont think deception or gullibility is very funny for weird stuff...

2141 see right there! "weird stuff", i have a threshold based on propriety of what i consider recognizable, authentic, "real" or socially legible expressions or behavior

22 so anyways!!! somewhere down the line after weve cleared out all the riffraff and its all respectable legit service usage and socialization, and funny enough the people suddenly have no place to put their neurotic internalization of unstable social systems and mundane life, the only solace is in a simulation of reifying and legitimizing their feelings. radical expression is demoralized, and emotional authenticity is quite literally socially determined. what the hell is an outlaw

23 heres where we get into the meat of it. remember AITAngel's premise? yeah, so, writing exercise, self-confirming or -serving, 99.5% viewership, most OP's post from a throwaway account (although when they dont its INSANE), people are commenting on the OOP like "what's up with the spike in vegan child-free weddings lately"... at soooome pooooint viewers have trouble suspending their disbelief. just a lil artificial, make it a one-liner karma game with algorithmically generated prompts cuz why not. a circus! lets dress up as elephants

32 now were starting to see how we can make use of this charade. want all the dads terrified of sexism to come out of the woordworks and give you the soundbites they wish they couldve used in their custody battles? need to farm some philosophical talking points for class? do you feel alone, scared, on your last leg, and are in need of others to console you over how you allegorically represent and sterilize your series of misfortunes and poor decisions? you want validation that you didnt sit next to your mom during your friday family outing? do you need disgust, horror, shame, or really any genuinely visceral reaction to your fantasies from strangers to make it real enough to get you off? easy reification machine

[jeeperso]

D&D Quotes Without Context

Ravenloft Edition, Fundertainment Land Arc FINAL

GM: A deep and dark hole, darker and deeper than any hole seen before, and at the bottom lays the ultimate horror; a stillborn dead godling, a true lord of the dead. One that has never been alive. Jonni: “Yeah, yeah, we’ve all seen Pat Sajak.” And suddenly, Gusto, Marshal's griffin mount, is there, gnawing on his head. Again. "Nope, nope. There has to be another way down there. I can't see the bottom, if there is a bottom.” “Maybe it’s a leap of faith? Eddie, you jump first.” You suddenly hear deep and ominous laughter from the hole. “Yeah, no.” GM OOC: Rule number 1 of evil baby hole. Do not mock evil baby hole. OOC: Unless say, you wanted evil baby to come out of its hole. Gorbash: “Okay flight options: Poom and I have our brooms, Marshal has a griffon gnawing on his head, Jonni has rocket feet.” Nyx: "You nasty thing, if that was a friendly warning it was disgusting. You really are just a big baby.” Nyarlathotep: "Probably of the ‘man’ variety.” Jonni: “Please. Do you how many ominous red lights in dark holes I’ve seen?” Poom: "Why are there red lights in said holes? Wait, I don't want to know.” Poom gets on her broom. Azathoth: "And your little dog, too.” GM OOC: So you guys are heading down the murder hole. “Go with your nerd heart.” “Just remember, what happens in the vessel, stays in the vessel.” There's a lot of bones, and heads on pikes, mostly elves and Tabaxi. Poom: "Homey decor.” GM: No sign of Danzi. "Danzi either ran, or got absorbed by the dead godling.” “Or the death tyrant.” GM: Or maybe he was never here at all. OOC: No, he was here. I mind-crushed him. "Gorbash. You are NOT eating the Atropal.” "This isn't your average everyday cold...This is...Advanced cold.” A giant rotted corpse of a baby, bigger than any of you, its milky dead eyes starring right through you. Jonni: “Yeah, yeah, I’ve seen Danny DeVito.” "I am the Atropal. But you may call me SUPER KAMI ATROPAL.” The hooded figures pull back their hoods, revealing horrible faces twisted in horror with black empty eyes. Poom: "It's like kindergarten all over again.” Holy flame lights up the chamber as Marshal's slab-sword ignites. It gets even brighter as Gorbash ignites his Sunblade. And just slightly brighter as Poom puts on mirrored shades. “Beacon of Hope!” Marshal shouts, as each of his allies feels the warmth of a blue corgi trying to give them kisses. OOC: Can't smite the shit out of them if I don't get closer. OOC: I think Stav made them so dead they are alive again. "If you want someone murdered right, DO IT YOURSELF!” GM: *rips off shirt* Come on. I CAN TAKE IT. I CAN TAKE IT. Kentucky fried Atropal. Sadly not even in the bottom 5 of Marshals worst dishes. Gorbash: “I needed practice for the next god-bomination on my shit list. You were an okay warm-up.” Suddenly the room is full of spectral figures; Park patrons, workers, elvish and Tabaxi nobles. Jonni: “Ladies.” "You all are fired. Go in what peace you can find in the Domains of Dread.” "Why do so many bosses rig their places to collapse after they are defeated?” "Scab labor.” "Hey Jonni, when’s the last time we did it on top of a pile of our vanquished enemies?” “What day is it? Friday? So last week I think.” “Damn, that long?” Jonni vaporizes a guard beating an ice cream mascot. Edmund: "This is insane!” Poom: "Do you mean more than usual?” "...." Edmund gestures with one hand, like weighing a scale. Gunder: ”THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT!” Jonni: “I need you to be more specific.” Poom: “Why?" And they proceed to choke each other before the YetiTarrasque steps on them. Poom: "They tied.” Jonni: “Guys, we’ll catch up. Vesh ‘n me are gonna do it on that burning carousel to warm up for later.” Poom pees on something. Marshal: "My Lord HADES! the great evil upon the Domains is banished. but many need a new home worth living. In thy great name, I would lead this exodus." Jonni leans over to Gorbash, “He knows where his boss works, right?” Gorbash: “He's on a roll, let him have this.” Gorbash: “So Marshal, you just razed the birthplace of your nightmares to the ground... How do you feel?” "I'm pretty sure eating there gave me a parasite, and I'm a genie. My stomach is a literal furnace.” “It’s true. She got acid reflux once. Thirteen people died.” As you watch, a huge metal tripod suddenly emerges from the forest, moving slowly towards you, it emits a deafening noise. Azathoth: "B-movie territory, woohoo!” It looms over, and fires a blast of concentrated heat at Vesh, which....does nothing. Vesh: ”HA! You think thats gonna hurt me? I bathe in hotter shit than that. You're gonna have to do a lot better....” Then it tries stepping on her. Vesh: ”OH CRAP ITS DOING BETTER.” Jonni: “No one steps on my wife but me! And maybe Crushinator, if she’s into it!” Poom, broom, vroom. OOC: Exchange at work: Co-worker: Are you a licensed professional? Me: No, but I am an enthusiastic amateur! OOC: Ever sell any haunted houses? OOC2: That’s Realtors. OOC: Ah.....Ever appraise any haunted houses? OOC2: None that anyone told me they thought were, but I know someone that did. Fun fact, you can be sued if you sell a house you believe to be haunted and you don’t disclose it. OOC: You can’t kill Real Estate. Realtor: “So how was the home?” Family: “Oh it was fine except for the HORRIBLE MONSTER HAG NEXT DOOR.” Realtor: “Oh right, her. But aside from that it’s fine right?” Guy: “Alright real talk, my boss caught me writing inappropriate comments about him in the bathroom stall so now I get all the creepy nightmare houses. Believe me when I say that this is the least terrible place I could have showed you. Be grateful I didn't show you the pig house. I lost three people giving a tour of that house.” OOC: I'm here. What'd I miss? GM OOC: The evil hole cabbage burped on you.

[neutralgray]

Uneducated: Musings on a Passage from "All Quiet on the Western Front" and the Trauma of the Greatest Generation

So I finished reading All Quiet on the Western Front today. It was a beautiful, harrowing, and incredibly bleak book. I would not recommend it to the lighthearted, but its simple and brutal prose does a masterful job of stripping the romanticism of the "Great War" down to the collective traumatizing experience that it was a to a generation of young men who died (or lived) for nothing.

I am by no means educated on the depths of 1900's history-- I hear stories, sure, but I've never been some kind of historical scholar or history buff. I only have my own "uneducated" speculations to work off of, coupled with a general knowledge accumulated through living all of 28 years. The purpose of that is to say, the point of this post is not to inform or educate-- merely to speculate on some thoughts I had while reading a particular quote from this novel.

The quote is thus:

"I realize he does not know that a man cannot talk of such things; I would do it willingly, but it is too dangerous for me to put these things into words. I am afraid they might then become gigantic and I be no longer able to master them. What would become of us if everything that happens out there were quite clear to us?"

For context, our main character, Paul Baumer, has been given leave from the front lines for roughly two weeks. He is home again, with his mother and father. His mother seems to know by instinct that something is wrong and though she is fraught with worry, she does not try to pry the unspoken words from her son. His father, on the other hand, does not pick up on this and asks all manner of questions. Paul often speaks of the funny things that happened in the war: jokes with friends, events in training, small moments of peace and levity. To his father, who is ignorant of the war experience, these retold events are simply the events of the war. His son is a brave German warrior fighting the good fight out on the frontline. To Paul, these retold events are the only moments where he was allowed to find any levity. He chooses to tell the parts of the war that kept him sane in an insane place. A lie through omission, because he is afraid that he cannot truly bring himself to face the ugly monster of the experience for what it is.

With this passage, I thought of the vague notions I have for life in the early 1900's. Again, I'm very ignorant overall, but from the stories and little histories that I do know, there seems to be a repeated theme of parents being distant from their children, especially fathers. It stands to reason that a lot of these fathers who seemed unable to express their emotions to their children were likely "shell shocked" veterans of the "Great War."

It's a leap I am completely unqualified to make so bear with me and correct me, BUT if we can assume this notion to be true: that veteran fathers of WWI were more emotionally vacant in their family lives than comparable populations on average, then I think this quote is an interesting exploration on why that is.

By keeping these experiences inside, they become "controllable." It's subject to the person's mind. Keeping it in makes it smaller, more manageable, more abstract. Essentially, the less defined the experience, the better.

This is arguably the opposite of most modern points of how to confront and deal with lingering traumatic experiences. Generally speaking (not saying in ALL cases), difficult things should usually be talked about in some capacity, as that language gives those experiences a concise meaning that can be expressed. By using expressive language, we define and organize the traumatic into an orderly narrative. Suddenly an infinite chasm of abstract, large, and very complex emotions becomes finite-- as it were "quantifiable." Those emotions and traumas aren't suddenly healed by talking about them, but they are given form. When these traumas have form, they become easier to understand, and if easier to understand they are easier to manage, and if easier to manage they are easier to heal from.

I think what frightens me about Paul's way of thinking about his experiences is that, despite my modern understanding of trauma and psychology, his reasoning makes sense. I see the rationale in it. I can empathize for why and how he thinks that way.

Sometimes in psychological circles we have a tendency to infantilize people in the past as "not knowing any better," as if because they simply did not having the modern language to express certain concepts, the people of the past were ignorant to that concept altogether. But here with Paul we see that it is not simply ignorance of the trauma he's experiencing, as if he doesn't even know he's traumatized. He is aware he is broken and fundamentally altered and he is expressing a manner of how to deal with that trauma. There's a rational mentality to it.

Paul is afraid if he speaks it and the experiences escape through his lips they will manifest into something bigger than he can control. It is such a terrifyingly large trauma on the soul that even giving it that form through language is scary and perhaps too difficult. If it escapes the mind, if it's no longer held in, it can run and grow and destroy, as if the experience itself were a real living being. By speaking it into existence one has let go of the leash that held that monster back. If it stays inside it remains abstract, elusive, and seemingly smaller. We can push it into a corner and ignore it. We can try to wrestle power away from it by not giving it the satisfaction of destroying our external lives, not realizing that if we keep it inside it will also eat us from the inside.

While we understand today that is not the best way to cope with our scars and our battles, there is a frighteningly sane and logical rationale behind it.

Once again, I am ignorant to to speak of experiences I do not have and I obviously didn't live to see this period so any assumptions I make of the people who lived through this era should be taken with a grain of salt, or you can dismiss me outright. I am merely musing about this one passage and what I think it might illuminate about the Greatest Generation and their collective approach to trauma.

I wonder if this is perhaps why so many of that generation were recalled by their own children to be "distant," keeping an icy wall of emotional detachment from the lives of their children and loved ones. Maybe in a sad way, that emotional distance WAS an expression of love.

Maybe many of those men thought they were protecting their children from the formless monsters that lurked inside their father's head.

[cherryphobe]

Not to fallout the tv the show post too much but after looking through the coop tag i have to share opinions on the whole lucy x coop x max triangle discourse lmao

I fully understand people saying like, super weird how people wanna ship lucy with - quoting a literal post i saw - her cousin or the man actively trying to kill her over the Black Character because 'you know why' & yeah I get that some people are just weirdo fucking racists

I'm just gonna throw it out there! Max is , FUCKINNNN STOOOOPID. I Hope he has a braincell redemption arc in s2 but that man is so fucking DUMB!!!! The amount of times i screamed at my tv like bro what are you dOING!!!!!!!!!!!! & maybe the idiot brotherhood boy (with outcast potential fingers crossed) is a great match up for the oblivious vault girl & they can learn to activate their braincells together Thats Great I love that. I dont necessarily dislike him as a character I just. Whew. He makes me TOO mad because hes TOO dumb so thats just. Me.

& as someone who doooooes kinnddaaaa? Ship coop/lucy? A little? Not hugely but a small amount? People shipping them BECAUSE of their aggresive dynamic are insane. Thats so weird & gross. Weirdos. Grossos. Like i love a good enemies to lovers but maybe not an 'abusive torturer sell her for parts for his own personal gain to lovers'... (to use prior fandom as context its a similar ick to gortash karlach shippers. Weirdo behavior!!) i, PERSONALLY!!! Ship it in a dynamic where somewhere along the lines coop finds his humanity again. Maybe through the help of lucys naivity / good hearted-ness. But i also see her becoming corrupted. Not completely! She'll always follow the golden rule. But she knows the wasteland is lawless. & after all the revelations of ep 8 Im sure shes. Suffering. Immensely. I think its a dynamic of he gets softer while she gets hardened, or something.

ALL THAT SAID THO, it seems pretty cut & dry that lucy x max is the canon end goal. Unless he dies or something. Which is unfortunately likely. Because hes. The black guy.

& actually coop should date me, personally!

[deerydear]

The contents of the OCD dialogue do not matter so much as they may work as a vehicle to bully oneself.

…and for me, I have an element of choice in the matter. I was not born with this disorder. It is a variety of logic that 'developed' over the course of time.

I was thinking… it's like a seed. A mustard seed can grow into a tall, tall tree.

For a period of time, several years ago, I 'broke off' from the externalities which I ascribed a sense of 'orthodoxy' to. In reality, this was my own choice. It isn't about 'who to blame', but about 'what can be done'…

I resolved to stop thinking about Social-justice arguments… and just try to avoid the topic entirely. I felt raw, sensitive, as if anything could penetrate my epidermis… as if the least touch would leave a lasting impression.

A year or two later… I stumble across people's accurate criticisms of the arguments I had capitulated myself to --- the cross I was willing to hang myself on.

I read fervently. A sense of relief --- I'm not insane.

I kept my own thoughts to myself, for much of my teenage life. Online, I didn't want to distinguish myself, as a distinct person. So, I would have plenty of thoughts… but expressing them was another ball-field, entirely. That's a brand new game. I find my story reflected in Winston's 1984.

If you can't say it out loud, even as you know it to be true… then what value does it have?

You would hope… that the substance is something which never withers or rots. Truth is always truth, right?

…but isn't it alive, too? Something alive can die. It can live on, in its descendants, its brethren, its friends, its lands… but one single cell has the ability to pass away… slip away, leave… goodnight.

So much of the OCD logic is simply 'distraction', isn't it?

If it is a way of dealing with post-traumatic stress.. then it should be effective, no? Distract you from the pain, distract you from pleasure, distract you from living... zone out, buzz out under your own cocktail of hormones and endorphins. What?

I plugged myself into the Matrix, of my own desire.

"The most important thing to remember is what my grandmother always said: ‘If we use a plant respectfully it will stay with us and flourish. If we ignore it, it will go away. If you don’t give it respect it will leave us.’”

--- from the Teachings of Grass, written by Robin Wall Kimmerer. I suggest reading the whole story. It gives a great context to the quote.

So if one ignores the fun in life, in favor of numbness… will it wither? Without you to sing songs, play games, come up with jokes… be there… won't there be lonely people?

I saw a film which told a similar story:

The first time I saw the film, I had joined in past the story of his childhood. I didn't know anything about his past. All that I saw was the person he had become in the present. "What an asshole," I thought.

…Makes it more interesting to see from the beginning. I didn't realize it was in fact the same story, until we reach that present moment.

….

I'm realizing, over the last few days, that I don't need to actually 'win' arguments against my OCD adversaries. In fact, it becomes obvious how neurotic that I am, in actual arguments with other people… on these topics. I have a hold on myself. Another interesting bit of truth: how much that my own personal subjectivities affect my thought processes.

One might hope that they can put it all away, to look at the world objectively?

….but I'm one person in the world. This is not a bad thing. It means there is so much that I can learn. It isn't about quantity, but quality… You have to have 'a man on the scene'… What is the use of a bunch of raw data, with no one to interpret it?

I've heard that some of the greatest advancements in theory and technology have happened whenever seemingly-unrelated subjects are made related unto eachother. The binary math used in computer code, to this day, has been inspired by the hexagrams of the I Ching -- an ancient Chinese book of poems, which has been oft used for divination.

The lines are either single, or divided. 1 or 0. Yes or No.

Another industry that gave rise to the computer: Fabric-weaving!

I like knitting… It's like a physical form of math. It produces math that you can hold in your hands. A work of math can keep you warm!

I enjoyed weaving this scarf.

The pattern was made extremely repetitive, to the point that I could knit without looking at my hands. I had a sense of being a human typewriter...

chg-chg-chg-chg-ding!

-ch-ch-ch-ch-ding!

[bardofavon]

✨ and 🎁 !

🎁 Have a piece of a WIP you want to share?

ok i'm answering this one first bc this answer is going to be shorter. have this line from an insane scene i can't post for months (unedited so ignore the grammar mistakes)

+ something else you'll get no context for until quite some time just bc i like to keep people on their toes

✨️ Out of the comments you’ve received on your fics, what are two or three of your favorites?

this one is especially tricky because i actually receive a LOT of amazing comments and am very very blessed in that regard. very often i get comments that are like.....so so long and well-thought out and incredibly detailed analysis that i feel like belong as an essay for an english class rather than in response to something i put on ao3. those are always very very special to me which is why i carve out time just to give beat by beat responses lol. i EAT them like a fine, three course meal.

aside from those, someone left a comment on my onceler fanfic where they said something in it was going to haunt them for days until they write something based around the idea i planted in their head, and then they also said that it sounded deep but NOT in a fake deep way and also that the fic made them stop and regard themselves for a moment. i felt like an artist when i read it lol.

anytime people mention that they've reread anything i've written or that they think about it in their spare time always has me like the surprised pikachu face. i love finding out other ppl think about my stuff as often as i do. someone said they DREAM about my fic which like...ok same but....

someone once said when they're sad they reread my fic to feel better which made my heart melt. someone told me they were reading their fic on the way to their new foster home and it made me cry. when people quote a line at me and it's secretly one of my favorites i'm like.....yes......you get it........OH someone told me i was a mystical creature because every chapter is an absolute banger with no dips in quality for even a second, which is great bc anytime engagement drops or i take awhile to update my brain convinces me it's bc i'm getting worse or quality is dipping LOL. someone else told me my writing style is in their top five fave they've ever read in their life, including actually published works, and that if i had a book in the works they would preorder it without reading the summary.

anytime someone discovers my fic for the first time and i wake up to 60 new emails bc they've somehow commented on every chapter.......delicious to see such solid evidence someone binged it and then get a liveblog of their thoughts ahaha.

the people who’ve been commenting regularly since the start feel like family members to me I can’t describe it. and when people don’t for awhile and then do it feels like my sister coming home from college.

anyway this answer was super long but i have a lot of love for commenters. i know i know outward validation isn't supposed to matter this much to writers and i'm supposed to write for myself but it's HARD when the outward validation can be like THIS you know???

fanfic writer ask game

[time-is-standing]

top 10 songs from september

aka the best month of the year🤍

1. MISA MISA! by CORPSE, Scarlxrd, Kordhell

this is the number one song for a reason. it's such a great song, the lyrics and the context all makes it real funny. but I actually like the beat & everything about it. I'm obsessed with it to say the least.

2. My Way by CHELJI

"cause the love I had for you

could make me do something

little me wished I had the balls to do"

this is a powerful song. I've been waiting for it to drop for a while now. I love every line of it, it was the hardest thing to choose just one section to quote. the whole thing has a strong message and the atmosphere of the song just adds to it all.

3. NDA by Billie Eilish

this is an old fav. I can't get it out of my head. it has something so special and unique about it that I just come back to it every few days and start listening on repeat. this girl is just insanely talented.

4. dying on the inside by Nessa Barrett

this song popped up on spotify just before I met my bf. I remember listening to this and really getting lost in the lyrics while he was messaging me in the morning... so not only is it a great song, I have some special memories attached to it as well.

5. Desire by Meg Myers

I added the song just for fun, I saw it on tiktok and was curious. when I started listening to the song & paying attention to the lyrics... well, yeah, I could get behind every word.

but on a serious note, I think this message is real important. we girls get horny as well and there's nothing wrong with these feelings/thoughts no matter what society tries to teach us.

6. midnight love by girl in red

"when your silver is my gold"

I remember listening to this song and thinking about the irony. a few years back all I wanted was to be able to say these things to a certain someone. and now I don't even think about him like that anymore. my whole life was centered around him, the answer was always him, no matter the question. but now I don't even want to talk to him anymore, and I still can't fully believe it. it's so freeing to think about it. and if I could do it, you can get through it, believe me.

7. Little Freak by Harry Styles

"I'm not worried about where you are

or who you will go home to, I'm

just thinkin' about you"

just to tie the previous song to this one. I'm still thinking of him, as I'm letting it all go but I'm not worried anymore. and I'm happier than ever.

8. Dana-Dan by Bloodywood

back to my present & future. my boyfriend and his friends introduced me to this band and even though I laughed the first time I heard the song I fell in love shortly after. I can't wrap my head around the context, but I'm actively enjoying this song. lol.

9. Big Jet Plane by Angus & Julia Stone

"gonna hold you

gonna kiss you in my arms

gonna take you away from home"

these lines... as you might know me, I'm not the lucky type when it comes to irl things. I happened to find myself a partner, who lives 2 hours away from me and through the 1,5 months we've been together, we couldn't meet for 2 weeks straight. I was going slightly insane by the end of the second week and I was singing this song in my head for a whole day before we met up and I could finally hug him.

10. Sick Of You by DNMO, Sub Urban

I'm truly happy that this song made it on the list. I've been listening to a lot of songs lately but this one is quite special. it's a super catchy song and I've been listening to it non-stop for these last few days.