#group. I was going through my friends' facebook pages to see how many of them are still active on the site at all. AND i had to submit

[usafphantom2]

I wanted to share this from my private Habubrat SR 71 Facebook page. This page has not been hacked.

Short story of her love to Blackbird.

As first I wanted to say hello to everyone in the group, especially for Linda Sheffield Miller for creating such an amazing community circled around Blackbird - that's really stunning.

I wanted to share a story - a story of my wife who is actually too shy to talk about her love to Blackbird. Not too many of people outside of US here on the group I'd say, so it may be worth a while reading about this 🙂

Karolina (or Caroline in English) is 29 this year, we've been married for 3 years now. She is mechanical engineer that ended university of technology in 2014. From when I remember, she always had Blackbird on her wallpaper on Laptop and phone. As I'm Polish armed forces officer (we come from Poland) , the background of it was also interesting to me, so many years ago she told me a story of herself.

She is the kind of woman that never played Barbies, she was the Lego kid playing with cars, dreaming of Jaguar E-type and flying through space. When we met, she knew (and still does) know more about cars than I do.

Her dream was always to build Next gen Blackbird - anytime someone asked about her wallpaper, she said the history of it and how awesome it is (they only tried to small talk but she instantly went all in for telling about it 😅).

When she finished UoT, she worked for the company making parts for planes, but she recently changed the job to be a part of the team creating jet engines. It's her dream job right now, but still keeps saying that her future lays in Lockheed Skunk Works.

Last year we had delayed honeymoon, 34 days in United States to see as much as possible from what we only saw in movies.

We visited Kennedy Space Center (it's great for real), where she was amazed and almost cried seeing Saturn V. But the real thing was just coming.

When we arrived in the Washington, the only thing she was waiting for was going to Udvar Hazy Air and Space Museum, where one of the Blackbirds stands.

You can only imagine how she reacted seeing it when we stepped on the gangway above SR-71. She cried her eyes out, but positively.

There was a guy (expert) on a big screen right next to Blackbird, who was actually connected through Skype or something, so we could talk with him and he could tell us the story of this plane. I remember them talking for some time with her making notes of what he said and she didn't know.

When we came back to Poland, with the help of my friend, I decided to make her a scale model of Blackbird. Since I like a little bit of engineering myself and I have 3D printer, I designed the exhaust fumes with Mach diamonds to be lit

When she saw it lit up, she cried again, the same as she did in US when she saw the real one. She is crazy about the Blackbird even more than she was before, but too shy to talk about it outside of her group of friends - maybe your reaction will make her open up a little more in here.

@Habubrats71 via X

Hope the story wasn't too long - since this group exists and I watched Lindas Habubrats for some time now, I always wanted to share it. The fact this plane and community around it is so amazing that the plane itself has fans all over the world.

[queer-muslim-culture-is]

hi there! not a ‘culture is’ ask, rather- a question if that’s ok? firstly- i really, really want to thank you for running this blog. before this i literally thought i was the only queer muslim, or at least the only genderfluid one, and i’d felt so isolated and wrong and ashamed, but now i feel so much better about being queer and muslim. thank you…… <3

quick question for you and anyone who reads this blog- y’all, how do i find other queer muslims, online and in real life? in real life most muslims ik or have met are so queerphobic i’m honestly not sure how to root out anyone who is queer or even accepting. in other countries (i live in an African country, kinda in the middle of nowhere lol), ones that are more well-known perhaps, how did any of you meet any other queer Muslims?

also… online. there’s so many queer Muslims online and i’d love to get to know some of you, be friends or just to hear about others experiences and lives. but i literally don’t know how to find y’all, ahh😭😭

hi anon ! im so glad you found us <3 queer muslims have existed since the dawn of islam and will *continue* to exist. youre not the only one, never have been and never will be :]

.

as for finding other online queer muslims : i usually just go scroll through the queer muslim tag ! see who posts or even just likes / rbs the content there

maybe some of my followers are also looking for friends ?

**** if anyones interested, leave a reply or a note in a rb ! ****

.

as for IRL queer muslims well,, tbqh im not sure. personally i got sorta lucky. i grew up in africa as well and my two closest friends at the time both came out to me as bi before i started questioning my sexuality. beyond that, there were two cishet guys who,, didnt always say the right things and i dont think they wouldve understood my gender but they *did* hype me up when i told them i was gay and they told me they knew others like me. i also have an aunt and uncle who, although ive yet to speak to them about this, liked the facebook page for my countrys queer rights activism group (which i was pleasantly surprised existed), so im *reasonably* sure theyre chill

to try and extract some advice from my experience :

check their online presence if you can. do they follow or interact with queer or queer friendly accounts ?

discussing or bringing up queer media and celebrities is always a good way to gauge ppls opinions on the matter. you can be as subtle or as direct w this as you want, but tread carefully cause ppl can get real heated

>> my bi friend recommended me a queer manga before she came out, whilst a homophobic ex friend started ranting abt a video game trailer bc it had a gay couple in it

**** if anyone reading this has more tips, please leave them in the notes ! ****

[thislovintime]

Peter Tork with the Fairfax Street Choir (in their bass vocal section); pictured in photo 1 with Ralph Pennuneri, Hosanna Bauer, and Bill Craig. Via the Fairfax Street Choir Facebook page, except for photo 4 (courtesy of Mark Kleiner).

Photo 2: “Peter Tork has his banjo but never played it with the choir that I remember but He was a really good musician and I remember him playing at the Lady. [...] I've heard some of his live stuff on tape that he did at the Sleeping Lady and was blown away by how great he really was as a musician.” - Marla Hunt Hanson, Facebook, January 3, 2021

“Peter showed me some banjo picking patterns... he was a nice guy fun to play music with.” - David Carlson, Facebook, January 2021

“To us, he wasn’t famous, he was just Peter. [...] He was just a sweet, dear man that, you know, everybody loved... He was just a good guy. You know, ‘Sleep on the couch, have a good one. You know, we love you. Come on in.’ [...] His destiny in this lifetime was with The Monkees. We were like his backup friends, or his backup band, whatever you want to call it.He came to us wounded, like a wounded bird, really. […] He never really got to escape from being one of The Monkees. It was very hard, you know, it was hard for him. I wish we could have given him more. [...] I said to him, ‘Well, why are you going back when they treated you so badly, and blah blah blah?’ And he said, they offered him something he couldn’t turn down, something like that, so it had to do with money of course, because… so, yeah, he went back, poor thing. God bless him. [...] [W]hen you’re a Monkee, the fans will come out of, you know, somehow they’ll seep in through the furnace floor or a little crack in the window. You’re always on display, you’re always having someone looking at you or tagging at you or pulling at you or saying, ‘God, I remember that episode…’You know, and you’re always having to be on the stage or on— in gear, or answering with a smile to your fan group, whatever that is. You’re trained to do that through the industry itself. You know, anyway, I don’t want to go that far. In this group consciousness that he was a part of for a short period of time, he didn’t have to do that. He just didn’t have to do that. And that’s why I think that was — he’ll never forget that group or the Sleeping Lady however many lifetimes he lives. And I’ll tell you this, he was happy in a very strange way for as long as he was there with us. He was happy in a different way, not in the way that you are when you’re famous. In the way you are when you’re happy. [...] Someone like Peter Tork, who shines a light out onto this world, can only shine as brightly as we allow them to. […] When you see a flame, move back and let it shine, don’t go in there and try to get it, because the reason that it’s alive is because it’s got oxygen, air, and there’s not a lot of moths hanging out around it trying to, you know, take its life. I think a lot of that is true about Peter. That’s how — what I think.” - Marla Hunt Hanson, interview with the Nesmith Tork Goffin & King podcast, February 2020

"Back in Marin. Peter Tork began to hang out at the Sleeping Lady. (He works there as a waiter now). One night The Fairfax Street Choir was there. He was amazed, saw a home, and joined. He grins as he adds: ‘In some ways I was a cold, lonely hitchhiker being picked up by a warm school bus.’ [...] He’s happy. Content. And hopeful. For the Choir. And himself." - San Diego Reader, December 6, 1973 (originally published in the Chicago Reader; interview conducted by Chuck Stepner) (read more here)

“What a group! 35 voices strong; some harmonies! It was something, very encouraging, very comforting.” - Peter Tork, Goldmine, May 1982 (x)

Peter Tork: "As soon as The Monkees was over, I went to Marin County to try to recapture some of my Greenwich-Village-days happiness, and I did. I was very, I was very lucky, there was a lovely scene in Fairfax, Marin County, and I had a great time up there for a couple of years, worked as a waiter in a cooperative restaurant and it was great, it was actually great. The thing about The Monkees, it was so difficult, was to be yanked out of — off the street, flung to the pinnacle and then, you know, and then dropped.” Q: “Yeah.” PT: “So, so I went back to the street, where I’d, you know, gotten my roots together. It was great.” - GOLD 104.5, 1999 (x)

[finalfrontierpublishing]

2022: a bookbinding year in review

So after doing the 2022 Bookbinding wrap up on Instagram done by @paigetopage, I knew I wanted to write something in long form as my beginnings in fandom were as a writer and I want to reflect a little about how learning to bookbind has been. This will likely be introspective and a little self-indulgent, but it’s been a good year, and I never thought I’d ever be able to bookbind when I was first introduced to it on instagram nearly a year ago. 

Beginnings:

So I discovered bookbinding in March 2022 on Instagram, particularly the Dramione fandom which is very active there. I was instantly captivated because books? Fanfiction? Handbound hard copies? Sign me the hell up! At that point in time, desire for a physical copy was at an all-time high and I wanted copies, but hadn’t thought I’d be physically able to do it myself. I did look into getting bindings commissioned but it was really really really hard to get a commission slot.

Over time, though I did manage to get a few commissioned, I began to want to do it myself - bind fics the way I wanted, as well as bind in other fandoms that weren’t openly popular among the commissioning crowd. During the midst of this, I was still studying for the last couple of exams for my Residency training program and preparing to take a long break of a couple of months before going back to work full time. Closer to June, I essentially said fuck it and dipped my toes in, though my amazon prime page shows evidence of my indecision - I purchased bookbinding tools, deleted the order and repurchased them again. 

Getting started bookbinding is expensive, especially for someone with zero artistic endeavours in the past beyond writing. I had to buy so many things - and my spouse was a little concerned as in the past, my hobby was essentially collecting hobbies, where I’d fixate on a thing and then stop after a few months. Well, it’s been six months officially, my friends, and this is probably my most successful hobby to date.

I finally took the plunge when i caught COVID in July and have been binding ever since. 

What really changed my bookbinding journey was discovering the Amateur Fanfic Binding Group on Facebook and Renegade Bindery on Discord. The Amateur Fanfic Binding Group were very approachable when I was an itty-bitty baby binder who had no idea of what they were doing, and since then, Renegade Bindery has pushed me to want to do new things and push myself harder - it’s such a large and diverse creative group of people with different interests and focuses and man, I love to see what these crazy cats are up to, where binds are done for creativity’s sake and people do some stunning, beautiful things. It’s fucking beautiful and I don’t regret joining the discord for a second. 

Favourite Projects / Moments of Binding: 

There’s something joyous in realizing something is going well - and what I remember was this Eureka moment when I realized I could get the Vaster Than Empires bind done and I wouldn’t completely collapse the case and destroy it by poking FUCKING HOLES into it which I couldn’t take back. I did this in one continuous stitch and in my head i was just going hell yeah I don’t need to make the case again. 

Doing the maple-leaf pattern in a faux-binding style and watching it take root was literally the icing on the cake for me. I never thought I’d find binding to be therapeutic and stress-relief, but it is, and after a bad shift, sometimes I just want to go home and stitch a couple of signatures together or flip through a typeset and just randomly correct apostrophes and grammar. There are fucking endorphins in planning for the next project and THE NEXT PROJECT and so on. 

Total Number of Binds This Year:

I didn’t count the binds I did in the bookbinding classes I took in August, so my current count stands at: 

10 completed binds: 3 notebooks (coptic stitch), 7 fanfic binds cased in

I have one text block sitting on my press waiting to be finished, of which I will attempt to do so today, and I’m currently actively typesetting a 4-5 volume anthology of star trek fics, and maybe 3 volumes of hannibal fic, with 1 other hannibal fic that I’m currently typesetting. 

Gift Copies Sent Out:  1 fanfic bind so far, for the Renegade Exchange. I gave away 2 coptic notebooks as well. I now owe 2 author copies that I will work on from January 2023. 

Hardest Thing I Had To Learn: 

Oh fuck, learning how to typeset was a bitch and a half. Microsoft Word is usually the first tool noobies like me touch, and I’ve... semi-figured it out, I think? But man, at the start was it hard to pick up. Section breaks were a thing that transformed my life. Also, I am NOT artistic in the least, so THIS IS A SHOCKING HOBBY TO HAVE, guys. Canva and stock images are my friends.

Oh, and cutting straight without stabbing myself. I bought 2mm chipboard and now I am not afraid of cutting my bookboard for covers any more. 

Things I Still Haven’t Figured Out: 

The Guillotine is evil and I rely on the spouse to operate it. 

2023 Binding Goals:

I have a fuckton of artistic endeavours that I wanna carry out but I doubt I will achieve them all. This list essentially includes:

making my own endbands

(have found tutorials, have a spare ruined text block, finally bought the cord and the silk thread, but am still too chicken to try it out) 

doing cut outs for covers

it looks so hard, anyway I won’t be using my tinyass cricut joy to cut it out for me. hand-cut cutouts might end in me losing a finger but I really do wanna try it out so i might buy myself an exactoblade and sandpaper and try. 

cloth edges with half-binds 

I want to try backing

but I feel like a finishing press needs to be bought and er a backing hammer and ugh if I destroy a textblock from attempting to back, I will be sad. 

I’m not super interested in full painted edges, but I do think splattered edges are cool

Do more trades with bookbinders (I really do, but shipping is such a bitch and I really would feel guilty making someone pay for international shipping if they didn’t want to) 

Gift more binds to authors (THIS, ABSOLUTELY) 

Things To Remind Myself: 

It’s okay to be slower than other binders. My work schedule doesn’t allow for a book a day or a book a week and that’s okay. 

Measure your success through alternative means - I’ve decided that my goal is to bind what makes me happy and if I get to make an author happy in the process, that’s great! Engagement is a plus and shouldn’t be my goal. 

Do binding your own way. It’s okay to have limitations. I don’t have the ability to do full frames for books on my cricut joy. I doubt I’ll ever make dust jackets because I’d need to go to a print shop to make them. I don’t think I will ever do marbling because I don’t have a lot of open space to just throw paint on a surface and my dog loves to eat shit he shouldn’t which leads to Emergency Vet Visits of Doom. And all that is okay. 

To End It Off, A Shot of my Bookshelf:

Binding friends, if you’d like to use this as an inspiration to write your own binding wrap-up, feel free! Happy holidays and happy binding! 

[adamwatchesmovies]

The 13th Friday (2017)

To call The 13th Friday "a movie" strains the definition of the word. Only writer/director/producer Justin Price could tell you what happens in this film. It makes no sense and even if it did, most people wouldn’t have the willpower to make past a few minutes’ worth of footage.

“Somewhere in Texas is a house said to be so haunted that a church was built on the property and the family that lived in the house was never found”.

…What?

Those were my thoughts as the pre-title card appeared. That sentence gives you an idea of what we're in for. I can’t make heads or tails of it. Let me give you a favour and properly explain what The 13th Friday is “about”.

A group of friends are partying at a supposedly haunted house. Inside, one of them becomes possessed after opening a demonic puzzle box. They learn they must sacrifice 13 people - one each month - to lift the curse that now falls upon them.

Now we sort of know what to expect but the title feels like a misnomer. Don't worry, this will be rectified an hour in. At that point, we finally get some direction from a character - a drug dealer - who has supposedly encountered this curse before. Until then, you have to sit through performances so agonizing you can only conclude that all the actors were friends of the director or cast for their chest size rather than their talent. And before you get too excited, no there is no nudity in this movie.

It’s been a year since that fateful night (or maybe it’s less, the characters’ dialogue makes this disputable) when Allison (Lisa May) develops soe second-thoughts about this whole “murdering people to save ourselves” business. Unfortunately, she and her friends have lured twelve people to an underground cavern to be devoured by demons. As they have to do this once a month, it means her remorse is coming in after a whole year of killings. They're almost done. Her friends have no desire to stop now. When they try to make her the next victim, she escapes and the demons start going after everyone. Cue the horrendous special effects. We’re talking unconvincing to the point that you'll wonder if they weren’t meant to be funny. In one scene, a character stands in the middle of traffic and is “suddenly” struck. Except you can clearly tell that she sees the vehicle coming and that the car is driving in the lane BEHIND her. Computer effects are used to try and make you believe otherwise.

There’s so much wrong with this movie you could write a novel about it. The supposedly abandonned, haunted home the friends visit at the beginning has a meticulously mown lawn and the inside is not only furnished; it’s spotless. The plot and characters are so poorly established you have no idea what’s happening even before the curse's inconsistent rules. It is impossible to determine who the protagonist is, how many people the demons are after or how to break the curse. People die BEFORE the puzzle box is opened but we’re never told why. Then, the rules are suddenly re-written, as if someone suddenly remembered the title.

Down to the last minute, The 13th Friday finds a way to botch every aspect of filmmaking. The ending makes no sense and then, it just stops. Cut to credits. Even those, it can’t manage to do properly, as some of the names/titles are covered up with a plea from the filmmakers to find them on Facebook. I did, but considering they haven’t posted anything since 2016, I doubt my comment on the page will lead anywhere.

The 13th Friday is among the worst films I’ve ever seen. This isn’t something I say lightly. There isn’t a single aspect of this production done right. It’s appalling. No one but those with the lowest of low standards could even sit through it, much less have a good time. (November 13, 2020)

[rivetgoth]

how do u talk to ppl at goth clubs?? i go to meet ppl and i never know who wants to be talked to so i just don't 🫥

Did you ever see that post that was like, "You felt like you had an easier time making friends as a kid because you were in school and were seeing the same people every day and you were all doing the same thing so you could easily bond because you literally had no other choice and the best way to make friends as an adult is to replicate that through something you actually actively like/choose to do because people make friends the easiest through repetition and shared interests and experiences"?

I think that's been one of the best pieces of advice I have ever heard as an adult forming friendships in my communities (in this case and primarily the goth/industrial scene) and I always try to share it with others. The way I've made a huuuge amount of my friends has genuinely just been like... seeing them around a bunch. Like you get to know the regulars just by face alone and after even a few times (you don't have to play some massive long game haha) you are TOTALLY within your right to go up to them and say something like "Hey I always see you here!" and just casually introduce yourself, ask them how long they've been coming to the club, stuff like that. ESPECIALLY if you've seen them at other events too, like you saw them at the club but you ALSO saw them at a goth concert recently or something. It's a good conversation starter to ask them what they thought of a different event you saw them at, I promise it's not creepy, everyone is peoplewatching at these things hehe.

Complimenting somebody's outfit/style is a great start as well. If someone's in a band shirt for one of Your Bands (like if they were in a Skuppy shirt in my case, or even better if it's something reallyyyy obscure that even fellow goths don't often talk about, like if I saw someone in like, an Indradevi Shirt or a DIN shirt or something), or if someone is just wearing a cool accessory or clothing piece, or you like their makeup or hair, that's a really good in. Just let 'em know they look cool. You could even ask them where they got it if it's like an accessory or piece of clothing. People like compliments, it's a good way to get someone in a good mood lol. Other compliments that might work is if you saw them on the dance floor you can compliment their dancing! You can even do that with groups, if you see like a big friend group you think looks cool you can let them know they all have awesome style and introduce yourself, some big groups (I say this from experience, because I almost always show up in a pretty big group) are super happy to just let anyone join them for a bit (as long as they aren’t being a creep ofc), because at that point it's like, the more the merrier!

You can always do the slightlyyyy more sneaky approach and like, ask them for a lighter on the smoking patio or something, or do the thing where you're like "I'll give you a dollar for a cigarette" lol. I also don't know your gender but I hear women's bathrooms are like an extremely fun social hot spot at lots of goth clubs and I know MULTIPLE women close to me who have made friends in the women's bathroom SPECIFICALLY, so *shrug*

Ohh, you could also see if there are any social media pages for your local scene and see if you can connect with people online. Like on Facebook or Instagram or something. I've made a decent number of friends who are local goths but I met them online first, so when I went to the club I already had someone there who knew me who I could talk to. It's SUPER normal to go up to someone you're already mutuals or FB friends or whatever with and be like "dude, we follow each other." I have had so many people do that to me and I have done that to so many people LOL. Me and Angel literally knew each other online before we met in person even though we were both in the local scene and now we have lived together since 2019 LMAO. 💖

Ultimately, I think my overall advice would be that MOST PEOPLE who are going to clubs are there to socialize to some degree. Not everyone, of course, but a LOT of people are partly there for the social aspect and a lot of the time especiallyyyy since you're implicitly there because you love a lot of the same things, they'll be down to chat for a bit and just get to know you and see what your vibe is. Clubs are an easy place to start small talk because you can literally just start talking about the music that's currently playing, the vibe of the night and how things have gone for you and for them, upcoming events you're excited for, or events that you recently attended. Obviously if you really hit it off you can get into deeper topics, but at the club you kind of have an easy vantage point to get started just with the casual conversations, yknow?

I think I'd also say like, and this is just kinda broad advice, but be prepared to NOT always hit it off too. It's still worth putting yourself out there. Most people know how to act and aren't gonna be rude or anything, but sometimes y'all just won't click, or they'll misread your intentions, or they won't feel chatty, and in those cases that literally doesn't mean anything negative about you as a person. Clubs are kind of a weird social space where lots of people are there to socialize but others might already have their established friends or just be in a shit mood or be generally kinda socially anxious or they just want to dance, or they're on something, or they're drunk, or... any number of reasons, really. 99.999% of the time if someone comes off as not super friendly it's not about you and it's not personal, it's them. As long as your intentions are good and you're not crossing boundaries it's really not a huge deal if someone just kinda isn't picking up what you're putting down and the conversation fizzles out quickly. Those moments can feel like really embarrassing failures but they literally are not. Sometimes you just gotta kind of keep trying with various different people until you hit it off with the right person, and it's worth trying again, because you WILL eventually find your people.

Hopefully some of this helps. Good luck! I believe in you 🖤🥀🦇

[bills-bible-basics]

Facebook: Is It Possibly Broken? https://www.billkochman.com/Blog/facebook-is-it-possibly-broken/ Around the middle of 2022, I began to seriously wonder if Facebook may be broken. Yes, literally broken. I mean, think about it. Facebook has gotten so big -- around two billion users, from what I have read -- that maybe its worldwide network of servers, bots and algorithms can no longer handle the load. Is it possible that there are simply way too many users, even though Facebook relies upon a global network of CDNs? Now, obviously, I don't know this for a fact, and it is just a theory on my part, but I suspect that maybe this user overload is in large part the reason why so many errors have been made in recent months. I am talking about all of the false positives with Facebook's security system. In other words, I am referring to the forced log offs, the forced lockouts, having to jump through Facebook's security hoops so many times, having to change our passwords so many times, seeing our posts frequently removed, etc. I know for a fact -- because my FB friends have told me so, and because I have experienced it many times myself -- that people are getting locked out, and logged off, of their accounts for the stupidest reasons. Furthermore, their posts are being removed when they have done absolutely nothing wrong. They haven't posted anything inappropriate. And that includes myself as well. In other words, we have NOT violated Facebook's "Community Standards" in any way, as far as I can tell. It makes absolutely no sense that these things are happening so much, and so frequently, unless there is some kind of ongoing systemic failure going on with Facebook. Folks, I just don't believe that Facebook's head honchos are so stupid, that they would continue to harass us that much. Think about it. They are already under tremendous pressure from the U.S. government, and from other entities, due to their multiple security gaffs, their apparent discrimination against Conservatives and Christians, etc. So why would they go out of their way, and do anything to further infuriate their user base? From what I have read, people are already leaving Facebook in droves, because they are fed up with it. So again, is it possible that there are some serious technical issues going on which have little or nothing to do with discrimination against us? I don't know how many of my related posts you have seen, but as I have already made really clear a number of times already, after almost nine years of virtual peace on Facebook, with near zero harassment, it became a real nightmare for me as of early October, 2019. The problems and harassment by Facebook techs got so bad, that I finally deleted my account in June of 2022, only to return 3.5 months later in September of 2022. Of course, now I just run a timeline, and no page or group, so things have been a lot more peaceful. However, sadly, it appears that I am STILL being shadow banned, and hardly anyone is seeing my daily posts. I actually make hundreds of posts each month. I wonder how many of them you actually see in your news feed. As I mentioned a minute ago, up until I opened my new Facebook account in September of 2022, I was being forced logged off and forced locked out of my account dozens of times. I was also forced to jump through Facebook's security hoops and change my password dozens of times over the course of three months. In May of 2022 alone, I was forced to upload my personal ID six times, which is why I finally got fed up and left in June of that same year. As if that is not enough, prior to shutting down my old account, literally hundreds of my posts were being removed. So, yes, as I have stated before, it seems like it may have been intentional harassment due to my Christian faith. But I am beginning to believe that it is that, and even more. Technically, it just seems to me that something is seriously screwed up, and the Facebook staff just don't have a handle on it yet, whatever it is.

I could be wrong, but that is my suspicion. What do YOU think? Let us know. By the way, you might want to read this article: "Why I Am Fed Up With Facebook": https://www.billkochman.com/Articles/fed-up-facebook.html Thanks! https://www.billkochman.com/Blog/index.php/facebook-is-it-possibly-broken/?feed_id=104089&_unique_id=65567b7d05f52&Facebook%3A%20Is%20It%20Possibly%20Broken%3F

[alissacorreadelrosario]

2022 Highlights and Message

My life is like a movie. I know that I will be telling a different story very soon. A story filled with success and inspiration about how I overcame every battle and still came out on reaching my dreams.

Happy New Year everyone. 2023 is fast approaching. Thank You Lord for this year 2022. I am so thankful Lord for the gift of life and the gift to serve my dear patients. Thank You Lord for reminding me that this is the life that I’ve prayed for when I was in college. Let me enjoy this season by serving other people through my chosen career path. Lord please use my hand to alleviate the pain of people in their oral cavity, restore their smiles and help them to build their self-esteem through dental treatments that I can offer. Thank You Lord for letting me see the world in my naked eyes. The world is such a beautiful place to experience and I want to create so many memories all over the world.

Meanwhile, I’ve read this post while I was just scrolling in my facebook newsfeed. I think this is God’s message of affirmation to everyone, I would like to share this to you my dear readers: “God is so good to give us new days and years, since He knows we need so many times to start over”.  Indeed, we all need a fresh start and a new beginning.

Dear readers, let us TRUST the Lord in the next chapter of our life. Turn the page and don’t ever look back in the bad chapter. Always remember that the PAST DOESN’T DEFINE OUR FUTURE. It’s just like driving a four wheel vehicle: Kapag papunta sa lugar na pupuntahan natin, ang driver ay dapat sa harap nakatingin at hindi sa likuran, kasi kung sa likod nakatingin ang driver, mababangga at maaksidente tayo.    Focus in the present and just trust the Lord in our future. There are times that we will look in the rear view mirror of the car while driving but those times are just to remember the lesson that it taught us. We will never reach the destination God wants us if we will keep on going BACKWARDS.  

Allow God to write the story of our year 2023. Love yourself more because you cannot share the love if you don’t truly love yourself so I think first love is always the first step. I have so much realizations this year and I have no regrets with all of my experiences and decisions this year 2022

For now, let’s look back in my wonderful year of 2022. I’m welcoming 2023 with a grateful heart and just pure intentions.  

Dear reader, just click the keep reading link below if you want to continue reading because it’s gonna be a loooooooooooooooooong ride. Haha!

January

Almost everyday of duty in the  clinic is boring so I planned an out of town trip with my Uncle Edwin and his girlfriend. I’m the driver. We've visited the Highland Bali around Nueva Ecija.

Maybe, someday, I can also visit Bali, Indonesia.

February

This month goes to another adventure . It was a very loooong journey and a lot of zigzag roads upon reaching Buscalan. Nakakahilo 'yung byahe! Ayoko na bumalik dun! Haha. It was actually nice to finally meet the living legend, Apo Whang Od. I don’t want to have a tattoo in my body. I just want to meet Apo Whang Od in person and have a photo opportunity with her.

I've joined the group tour named Juan Explorer together with my Uncle Edwin, Ate Honey and Ate Ann and we've gained new friends in this trip.

To be honest, climbing the top of Buscalan needs a lot of patience. I am not into climbing mountains. I got so tired during the trip and I need to stop for a bit a little while because I feel shortness of breath during the climb. Thank you to all who gave me moral support that I can reach the top.

We spent our night in Buscalan Homestay. Sabi ko ayoko na umulit haha. The trip was so memorable and it was indeed fulfilling but I have to admit that I need to have a good stamina in my next mountain climb. Sabi beginners lang daw 'yun Buscalan, e bakit ganun hirap na hirap ako haha. Pagbaba nga ng bundok nagbayad na lang ako sa magdadala ng bag ko haha

Actually, I want to climb Mt. Pulag. E paano ako aakyat ng Mt. Pulag kung sa Buscalan pa lang na beginners pasuko na ako?! ahaha

I want to reach the summit of Mt. Pulag. I added that already in my bucket list but I have fear of heights.

March

This month is when I have a scheduled removal of Torus Palatinus under intravenous sedation in the clinic! I am the oral surgeon in the said case. I have to schedule an appointment with Nurse Jeff and the anesthesiologist, Dr. Tecson. If the patient wants to have an anesthesiologist so that he or she will feel more relax during the oral surgery, I usually suggest it but the patient will pay additional fee for that.

Thank you to my dear patient for trusting my hands in doing the procedure. Still, God is the best surgeon and I always ask for the Lord's guidance everytime I do complicated surgical cases.

After 1 week, I've asked the patient to visit the clinic again for suture removal and recall. Thankful that my patient is satisfied with the oral surgery procedure that I've done when I asked her and I've also asked her consent if we can take pictures for some documentations

Next, I went to Dingalan Aurora with my friends: Jasmine and Daniella. It was fun to get some Vitamin Sea after all the stressful work.

Dingalan is so beautiful. It was like a paradise on earth.

April

It was just a month full of clinic duty. I need to work hard to save for my future trips next month. I will be out of the country for the month of May for two reasons: my birthday celebration and I need to study abroad. It was self-funded so I really need to work hard. I have to pay all the bills--- my tuition fee, my allowance, plane tickets and hotel bookings for the Advance Course in Aesthetic Restorative Dentistry (ACARD) at Phomn Penh, Cambodia. All of the countries in South East Asia are already advanced when it comes to dental technology. Napag iiwanan na ang Pinas! According to my colleagues, dental practice in Cambodia is rising because of the advanced technologies.

May

It’s my birth month and my only wish is to be able to travel internationally again. I am so glad that the travel and aviation industry is back after almost two years. To be honest, I really want to fly internationally since the pandemic started but there are so many restrictions so I am so glad that SIngapore is open for international travel with no hassle.  There’s no quarantine and it is very convenient for a travel for leisure. I’ve celebrated my birthday in Singapore with my dentist friend, Doc Kathreen and it was fun!

As I grow older, I also learned to invest in those that will increase value in the future like land properties and gold investments. So, here's a little gift for myself during my SG trip.

First time flying business class! A gift for myself for working so hard, a business class flight from SG to Cambodia via Singapore Airlines.

I need to fly to Cambodia for my further studies in dentistry. I believe that an investment in knowledge so that I could treat my patients BETTER is a good investment.

I've stayed in Sunway Hotel Phomn Penh together with Doc Stephanie as my roommate. I have a roommate so that I could save a little money from the trip. I would join someone in a room as long as she is female. :) I am so conservative and old fashioned by the way. I don't regret it at all.

After studying the intensive course, I am so lucky that I got my certificate. It was my first international studies certificate to be honest. Looking forward for more international post graduate studies in the future that was sponsored by myself or maybe if I am lucky, somebody will sponsor my tuition fee. Haha!

After the program, my dear colleagues stayed for more days in Cambodia so that we could travel and explore the city. Doc Stephanie and I booked a night sleeper bus from Phnom Penh to Siem Reap. It was actually 5 hour long drive. I just sleep the whole trip and thankful that we are safe.

Siem Reap is where we can visit the famous Angkor Wat. Ang init! Kumbaga natusta ako dun! haha

Sawadee Ka, Thailand! From Cambodia, I took a solo flight to Bangkok, Thailand. I need to unwind and pray because there are so many things that are happening in my life despite the fact that it is my birth month. My mom is a little worried because I don't have a companion in Bangkok, Thailand. I told her that it was just a very very short trip and I am very adventurous, I don't think that I will get lost.

I love the airplane's window seat and I always request that seat as much as possible. The world is a beautiful place to explore and see and I can't help falling in love with the view in the airplane window seat.

June

This is a month of full of life learnings and life realization, plus a month of discovering more of myself and life's purpose.

July

This is a month of moving forward, never digging and looking back in the past. I went to Pampanga and booked a solo room for myself in Hilton Clark. After all, solo adventure sounds fun right! Haha

On the last week of July, my brother and I visited Qatar and UAE.  It was my brother’s vacation and we only have a very little time before his class resume on the first week of August 2022. Thankful that we got to travel internationally after all. It was siblings bonding time.

Welcome to Doha, Qatar! So I've learned that the Qatar is the host for the FIFA World Cup 2022. Thank You Lord for this breakthrough moment of my life.

Then, my brother and I catch a flight from Qatar to UAE. Hello, Dubai after more than an one hour travel time.

Dubai, UAE is so underrated. Thank You so much Dubai for helping me to become a better person. I release all my stress in this Dubai trip by taking once in a lifetime adventures like:

HeliDubai (First time riding a helicopter. I saw how beautiful is Dubai aloft!)

Desert Safari (It was so hot in the desert but I am glad to experience dune buggy and camel ride with my brother.) P.S. Ang mahal ng binayaran ko sa DUNE BUGGY, request kasi ng magaling kong kapatid na magdrive daw sya sa Sharjah. Haha. Super enjoy pero butas bulsa. Haha

Flyboard Experience (Another adventure! I've rented Jet Ski and Flyboard in Nemo Water Sports Complex during our Dubai vacay. My Ethiopian instructor is so patient to teach me. Haha, puro ako failed 'di ko naman maperform ng mabuti yun flyboard.)

Ski Dubai (One of the best experiences because I got to see actual penguins in person. They are so cute. I want to take them home. Too bad, the Philippines is a tropical country so the penguins will die here in my country. I love the penguins. Also, I love the thrilling adventure that I've experience in Ski Dubai. Who would have thought that we could experience a touch of frost even in the desert, right?!)

I drink a girly drink during my Dubai trip. I've ordered one mojito because I think I need to change my lifestyle and try new activities to forget. I honestly want to have amnesia during this trip. I promise to myself that I will never look back.

August

From Dubai, my brother and I took a flight to Turkey. We've visited Istanbul, Turkey this month. Actually, it was only a glimpse of Turkey.

Loving also the quote that I saw in Istanbul, it says that "Behind every cloud, there is happiness".

I hope and I pray I will visit Cappadocia in God’s time. (Or, maybe if it is God’s will, I want to visit Cappadocia and ride the hot air balloon there with my future man after our wedding… hehehe)

I am full of dreams!!!

September

This is the first time in our parish to celebrate the Feast Day of the blessed Mary Untier of Knots that I've owned and being taken care of. Thank You so much Mama Mary. After I’ve finished the blessed image of Mary Untier of Knots this year, it seems that God use the image to remove all my problems and my stress. September 28 is the Feast Day of Mary Untier of Knots.

Alam nyo pangarap ko lang dati noong college na magkaroon ako ng isang malaking blessed image na pwedeng pangprusisyon na Mama Mary since Marian Devotee ako. Kaya naman sobrang laking pasasalamat ko sa Panginoon dahil eto na 'yun katuparan ng pangarap ko na iyon.

Looking back this is one of God's answered prayer in my life.

Meanwhile, I also got the result of my Schengen visa application during the last week of this month. Truly, the Divine providence is easing all my worries and fears away. I got a short term Multiple Entry Visa from the German Embassy.

Did you know that the original image or painting of Mary Untier of Knots is in Augsburg, Germany? I truly believe that this was God's answer to my prayers. For me, it seems that all my stress are gone when I saw my visa. Salamat po Panginoon. Napakabuti po Ninyo. Nakakaiyak sa tuwa!

October

I've booked a tri-country trip and the last week of October 2022 is the departure date. This month, I will be back in UAE not to forget but to celebrate because I am stress free and happy. My friends saw how I am glowing when I visited UAE again together with the two Eurasia countries: Georgia and Armenia. Sairah is my travel buddy in this trip and we enjoyed it so much.

We've visited so many beautiful place around Georgia like Gudauri and Tbilisi. If I were to choose between Gudauri or Tbilisi, I would pick Gudauri. Gudauri is truly a food for the soul. It has breathtaking view and the people are so nice like Japan. Tbilisi is also good but I feel safer and I find Guduari much more peaceful than Tbilisi, the capital of Georgia. The only thing that I don't like about Gudauri is the sheep, cows and other animals are causing too much traffic around the paradise called Gudauri.

November

New month and I am not physically present to celebrate the All Souls and Saint's day in the Philippines but I offer a lot of prayers during my trip. Traveling is my therapy.

Sairah and I were still in Eurasia during the first week of the month. To be honest, it was a very long drive from Georgia to the Armenia border but it was worth it. After immigration and passport control, welcome to the beautiful country of Armenia. I like Yerevan the most and the Tumanyan's crepe is one of the best crepes that I've ever tasted. We also visited provinces in Armenia like Ararat, Dilijan, Goght, Tsaghkadzor and so much more.

I am also very fond of eating ice cream despite the cold weather.

I'll try to blog in detail my Eurasia experience in the future once I have time.

I also have 11 hours layover around Dubai on November 6 before going back to my country. I got 30 days multiple entry UAE visa because I want to try doing skydive during my layover but the Klook cancelled my booking because they want me to be in the skydiving area around 8am. I showed them my tickets that I will be arriving 10 am from my Tbilisi flight. Good thing is I got my money back since the Klook team was the one who cancelled the said activity. Maybe, someday I can experience skydiving.

I've spent those long layover hours by taking a trip outside the airport and by doing food trip around UAE. I love kebabs and shawarma. I have to admit I love the dates flavored gelato in the Gold Souk area. Dubai is known to have good deals when it comes to gold and they have also rare and unique piece so I bought some because I truly believe in the value of fine jewelries. I think buying gold jewelries is better than buying a latest gadget. Likewise, there's a discount there and tax refund for tourist if you are planning to buy gold. Good deal, right? :)

November 18 to 29, 2022 is truly remarkable for me because I got to achieve my European dream. I wanted to visit this beautiful continent. I look back at my life and know that I am living a manifestation of God's unconditional love and faithfulness. 

Back then, I always had plans and I got disappointed everytime my plans did not take place.  After my Japan trip on 2019, I want to go to Europe on 2020. My original plan is to visit Europe during autumn season on 2020 but this European dream did not happen because of the COVID-19 pandemic. There are so many restrictions and I don't think that it is a good idea to travel that year. 

 The year 2022 is the year God answered one of my prayer requests ---my EUROPEAN DREAM since there are no more restrictions  for leisure travel. When I was in Europe on November 2022, I have a simple prayer in my heart that I can go back to the Philippines safely after this trip. Truly everything is God's grace. 

Thankful also that I've meet this wonderful people.

I am the only solo traveler but I've gained so many new friends. We've visited 7 countries to be exact in the Schengen region:

Italy

Switzerland

Germany

Luxembourg

Netherlands

Belgium

France

I'll try to summarize my Europe experience.

I love Italy because of its Milan Cathedral. It was my first time visiting there and as usual I light a candle and pray there. One euro is the price for one candle. Can you imagine the price difference of the candle in Italy and the candle in the Philippines? Haha. Another thing is I've read in blog that when you are in Italy, you should try their gelato, so I just ticked off that bucket list---to be able to eat a genuine Italian gelato.

Next, Switzerland, my fave place here on earth. For me, there is no place like Switzerland.

Freiburg, Germany is a must see place. I got 30 percent off in Drubba. It seems that I just went to Germany just for a shopping experience. LOL

I love the Christmas market of Luxembourg. Someday, in God's time, maybe I can also visit European Christmas market together with my family.

So much fun and once in a lifetime experience during the night life in Amsterdam. You should try this when you visit Netherlands.

In Belguim, I got to try eating authentic Belgian waffles and it was so tasty.

I cannot described that wonderful feeling the first time I saw the Eiffel Tower. It was really magical and surreal feeling. I love you so much Eiffel Tower! You were just a dream that I once knew... Ooopsss sorry naLSS lang sa kanta.

I want to be back. I want to visit Vatican City, the heart of the Catholic church. I have so many plans to be honest. I will blog and tell you in detail my European experience once I have a time in the future. Haha.

December

Oh, I love attending weddings. I've attended 2 weddings this month and I am so happy for the couple. My prayer is a long and lasting love for them that the couple will be strong enough to fight for their love inspite of difficult times. I think that’s important when it comes to marriage. I pray that God will be the center of their relationship. I hope that respect, trust, love and faithfulness will always be present in their relationship.

Someday, I will also experience the joy of finding my genuine love like my friends. I just want to love ONE man for the rest of my life ---through the good and bad times. Simple lang pangarap ko. Gusto kong maabot mga pangarap naming dalawa ng magkasama at gusto ko syang makasamang tumanda.

For now, I am definitely investing in self-love and never ending spiritual, and emotional maturity for myself.  I think if I love myself, I could love my future partner and bring the BEST in our future relationship. To my future love, hang in there, because I am trying my best to be the BEST version of myself so when God will collide our paths, I could offer you a LOVE THAT WILL LAST A LIFETIME. I can’t wait to see you whoever you are because I’ve been praying for you since I was a kid.

Trust that everything that is happening and all the people that are entering and exiting our life is a part of God’s plan. Give thanks to the Lord. Thank you for reading. I wish and I pray you all a peaceful heart and mind this 2023.

Hello 2023! Off to more adventures pleaseee!

Love lots, A 💞

[hereliescorri]

Memories

Like most people my age, I got on Facebook in 2004. Back when it was basically just a list of your friends and how many of them went to whatever university. There was no timeline, no likes, no comments. That last part makes looking back at old posts super confusing because when you were having a conversation with someone, you’d post on their profile, and then they’d go to your profile and respond. Since there is no thread of the conversation to follow, a lot of those out of context posts look incredibly unhinged nearly twenty years later. Then again, they might have been just as unhinged then. Anyway, I lived through “flair” and Honesty Box and the unfortunate moment they unveiled the newsfeed and a popular couple at my small, Christian school had just broken up so it was the very first thing everyone saw when they logged on. I was super on board when they created the timeline, where initially you could look at your profile and see what you’d posted by year. It was fun to click some time past and see what I was up to. Now there’s Facebook memories for that, but it’s not quite the same. After all, the memories feature has been known to dredge up some, err, less pleasant throwbacks, the algorithm seeming to not understand one might not want to revisit anniversaries of deaths and divorces unbidden.

Obviously, that’s not my main complaint about Facebook. My main complaint is, y’know, that it’s evil. And I guess I mean “meta,” natch. Meta is an unmitigated dystopian nightmare and needs to be crushed. So, while out of necessity, I visit for my podcast group, I don’t post there anymore. And I don’t miss it at all, which would surprise the me of a decade ago, but the problem is that I also don’t remember shit anymore. It used to be that if I went out and something funny or interesting happened to me, I’d pop it up on my status. And then the Memories algorithm would do its work and show it to me again later on. There’s something so delightful about revisiting the mundane. Without Facebook, though, I simply stopped cataloguing any of it.

I also travel a lot, and every now and again in my travels I’ll remember to sit down and journal, and then I’ll stop. Then I find the few pages I did write and I’m like, WOW. I REMEMBER ZERO OF THESE THINGS HAPPENING. And that’s a bummer because, while I’m a big fan of living in the moment, I’d also love to remember what I did with all those moments I lived in.

So, I dunno, I’m gonna try to remember to write things down. The mundane interactions, the travels, the particularly good walks in the park. We’ll see how I do.

[treadmilltreats]

Janet Jackson, my story 

So I watched the documentary on Hulu about Janet Jackson, and let me tell you, this was not some fly by night documentary. This was hers, in her own voice, telling her truth without any filters.

I have been a Jackson fan since they first came out. This was my generation's music. The Jackson's were the hottest group on the planet. And I remember watching Janet appear on their variety show when she was just a baby. I followed her career through television, the series Good times, Fame and then onto her solo singing career and of course back to the big screen in many movies including Tyler Perrys. Nothing gets to me more than a strong woman and she is definitely a strong woman.

She always had an innocence about her, she was so sweet and shy. But when she decided to stop letting others control her life, well we all know what happened then. Her album Control came out and broke charts across the globe. This was a women's anthem, our theme song that we were going to take back control like it or not. This album shot her into superstardom just like her brothers.

Yet in her personal life she still kept picking controlling men, men who had issues. She opened up all of that and even all the rumors about her brother and their family. There was nothing that was held back from this documentary. There have been so many stories about the Jackson's, so many books written about them and we the public don't know what's true or not. Janet said she wanted to do this to set the record straight about her and her family and boy did she. 

There were never seen videos of her life, her going to her old house where the family first lived. Home videos of her and Michael and family interviews throughout. This showed her pain of growing up Jackson and how that made her who she is today. She is a true superstar, a legion who opened the doors for so many that came after her. And yet there is still the sweet, quiet, shy child inside of her.

So today my friends, if you love the Jackson's and especially Janet, then take the time to see this documentary. If you didn't love her before you will certainly fall in love with her now. 

Thank you, queen…you are amazing! 

"Be the change you want to see"

@TreadmillTreats 

"Be the change you want to see"

@Treadmilltreats

"And just when the caterpillar thought his life over...he turned into a beautiful butterfly"

**Now released my latest book**

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[icewindandboringhorror]

whenever I feel kind of subtly frustrated, stagnant, and unhappy - generally upon closer inspection, I find it’s because I’ve been focusing outwardly too much. watching tv shows, using social media more, trying to keep up with a community from afar or lurking on forums or something, replying to messages, etc. etc. ... at some point it’s just like, I absolutely must disengage with the outside world, I need to write, or pace back and forth talking to myself about worldbuilding concepts I’m working on, or edit a video, or just like... do anything that actually feels moderately productive in working towards my goals or developing the things I actually care about. A lot of stuff that brings other people comfort (socialization, community, engaging with media) seems to just stress me out if they’re not constantly broken up by long periods of time to myself to focus on my weird little hobbies lol.. I don’t always realize this at first but sometimes it just hits me like ‘OH, I feel terrible lately because I’ve been primarily focused on The External for the past two days, time to Withdraw’ gghjjb

[xpeachesncream]

how many drinks? | one shot (jjk)

summary: the question is - how many drinks would it take for you to sleep with your bestfriend?

pairing: jjk x reader

genre: (18+) college au, dance group au, bestfriends/bestfriends with some benefits au | fluff, smut, sprinkle of angst

words: ~12.2k

warnings: cussing, mature language/implied sexual content, kind of crack-y, dancer!jk to fulfill my needs, unprotected sex, sprinkle of dirty talk, fingering, sprinkle of a handjob, slight biting, nails digging into skin, oc almost gets taken advantage of/forced into doing things she doesn’t wanna do, rough handling, song kang is in this too because i’m also a hooch for him but he’s an ass here, alcohol consumption, intoxication, mentions of blunts/smoking, house parties, cuddling, kissing/makeout sessions, straddling, breast/nipple play, hickeys, fucking on the edge of the bed, multiple orgasms, fingering, licking/neck kisses, oral (f. receiving)

note: one shot title is taken from miguel's song ‘how many drinks’ + a couple of things--

both hoseok and jimin’s piece mentioned below are inspired by real-life pieces my old dance mentor has choreographed and taught. this is the inspiration behind hoseok’s couple piece; this is the inspiration for jimin’s piece

i’m a hooch for all three of them in this video

enjoy imagining koo and oc dancing part of their couples piece like this 🥺

"Y/N." You picked up Jungkook's call as you sat at your desk in your dorm room. You had been finishing up your bio homework until the interruption came blaring through on your headphones.

"Yes?"

"Can I nap in your room?"

"The fuck I look like? A hotel?" You snorted.

"Yeah, a 5 star at that with how good you take care of me." He tries to butter you up, causing you to roll your eyes.

"You're lucky I like you."

"Yesssssssss!" You hear him faintly exclaim on the other line. "Be there in a sec."

"You know my doors are always unlocked." Which, it was true. So many of your friends had decided to live off campus that you and your other bestfriend [and beloved suitemate] were probably the only few left on campus. And that meant people were constantly in your room, hanging out or using both of your rooms, [with permission] or the couches in the shared living room space of your suite as a place to nap. College, amirite? Why the fuck would you lose your parking spot to go back to your apartment when you have friends who lived right on campus? You weren't just good for smuggling free food from the cafeteria to your broke ass, struggling off-campus friends.

Sooner or later, you're greeted by a fluffy, black-haired Jungkook, looking like his shit must have air-dried with how wavy and voluminous it was. He swings your door open so aggressively that you jump a bit in your seat, swinging off your headphones like you weren't even expecting him. You watch as he flings himself onto your neatly made bed like he hasn't felt a bed in years.

"Ugh, yes." He moans as he belly flops onto your bed and stays in that position.

"When's your next class, you little baby?"

"In like an hour or so, I don't know." He says sleepily. "Wake me up, please?"

"Sure." You realize it's Wednesday, and he definitely has Ecology lab later at 3:00PM. You figured you'd wake him up by 2:30 just to give him enough time to groggily walk his ass back over to the science building.

You and Jungkook weren't really close before college. It was moreso that you knew of each other since high school because of mutual friends. You'd see him at parties and he'd see you, but it was never more than the casual hi and bye and small talk. Maybe the occasional comments on facebook pages and the likes on pictures on instagram. But foreel, other than that, that's as real as your friendship got for awhile. You didn't mind it though, you were good with your set of friends and he was good with his. A lot of your friends attended the same university as you two and then your groups intertwined even more. 

But, it wasn't until the past couple of months or so where you both unexpectedly got really close - simply just by talking more and being around each other more. You both had similar interests and Jungkook wasn't the most vocal in his group, but with you, he seemed to talk endlessly. He loved comics and he loved raving to you about Marvel and DC superheroes. He loved to draw, and he'd draw you things every now and then - his most recent being you as a scientist superhero saving the world from overgrown malaria-infected mosquito monsters. It was the cutest thing you had ever seen, and you tacked it against your cork board near your desk. Then, small things like that turned to bringing you food or boba, being stuck at the hip where he'd only go to a certain place on campus if you were there; texting each other inside jokes and funny ass tweets all day turned to facetime sleepover calls and then late hangouts eventually turned to actual sleepovers in your bed, where he'd drape his arm around while you both slept but it never escalated into anything more than that in bed. Although he did fucking hate your medium-sized Olaf plushie that took shelter on your bed - he'd always hike it across the room and talk about how annoying he is and how he's always taking his spot. You never understood it, really.

And then soon, it turned to small displays of affection behind closed doors, where Jungkook would hold you close. Hold your hand if you two were in the room watching a show, or movie. Small kisses exchanged. Big kisses exchanged, making out sessions. But, that was literally it. Nothing else. No sex. No pressure. Lots of unspoken feelings, obviously, but you weren't gonna be the one to bring that up. Because you were comfortable, and if anything, you didn't wanna ruin what you guys already had going.

Like, is this a friends with benefits thing? Maybe? Maybe not? It was hard to label it because it's not like you both determined so, it kind of just fell together that way. And there was really no pressure to fuck every single time you got affectionate. It was cute, sweet. And no one really knew it was like that behind doors - possibly your suitemate Kass and her boyfriend, Jimin, but that's only because you shared the dorm suite with her. Jimin was also one of Jungkook's roommates and his really good friend, so whenever they had slept over on the same night, it was pure and utter chaos. But honestly, if Kass and Jimin hadn't been around you two much, they most certainly wouldn't have the idea.

Whatever it was, it was a comfortable closeness that you both experienced and appreciated. However, the both of you were afraid of discussing what this really was, afraid it'll ruin the dynamic. The atmosphere. Having to come to terms of what it might, or might not be. Neither of you can fully admit that you like the other. Although, it got hard. People did lightly tease you two because you both always looked for each other and were stuck by the hip out on campus.

Oh, well. Bottom line is that you liked your relationship where it was at, but it doesn't mean you haven't thought about the what if's. Jungkook was insanely attractive, and it's no lie that girls swarmed him left and right on campus, but he didn't give a shit [either he didn't give a shit or he was dumb as hell?]. Okay, rewind — to be fair, he would have a fling or two, flirt once or twice. He'd tell you so and so was cute and that they've hung out or texted, but that's it. He just wasn't necessarily looking for anything cause he too enjoyed where he was at with everything.

It doesn't take long before Sleeping Beauty is snoring face down on your bed, looking like Patrick Star with the way he's sprawled out. But, you continue to do your work until it was time to wake him. You gently shake him, his puppy eyes looking back at you after being face down all nap.

"Class time."

"No." He groans. "Can't I just stay here with you?"

"No, dude. Get to class." You chuckle. "You already skipped last week."

"Yeah, but this is a new week Y/N."

"Jungkook." You almost say in a scolding manner.

"Fiiiiiiine." He whines as he shoots up and hops off from your bed. "Are you going to our party on Friday?"

"I said I'd think about it right?"

"Yeah, like on Monday. It's Wednesday."

"And I'm still thinking about it." You snort, making him pout.

"Just come for a little bit."

"Why? You know parties aren't my thing and you'll be too drunk anyways. I'll end up wanting to go right the fuck back home as soon as I step outside."

"I'd like to be drunk and have you there. It'll be more fun!" He pouts as he holds your hand and swings it back and forth.

"I mean, to be completely honest, I'll probably end up going because of Kass anyways."

"Because of Kass." He rolls his eyes. "Oooookay. Not because of you, Jungkook, no." He says sarcastically, brows furrowed.

"Ew. You're such a fucking whiner. Leave." You laugh, throwing an empty water bottle at him.

"I'm kidding." He chuckles. "Wanna grab dinner with me after practice?"

"Sure. If you pay." He groans

"Fine. I'll see you later." He puckers up his lips to blow you a kiss, which you automatically reject by giving him a look before turning your attention back to your homework. You were hoping he'd offer to go to In-n-Out because you were craving that #2 with animal fries and a neapolitan shake, plus there was a Target in the same plaza that you wanted to drag him to for new pens and clearance sale shopping. And you wouldn't even warn him about it. He would tag along, no question.

Hoseok stands in front of the mirrors in the studio, pacing back and forth as your dance group learned a couple of 8-counts from this new piece he had been brewing up. Apparently, it was supposed to be a couples piece but he wasn't sure if he was going to keep it that way. He watched to see if this would be better as a group, or if he should stick to his original plans.

Your college dance group was a small group formed by people with pure, genuine interest and love for modern hip hop choreography. Hoseok was the dance lead, with Jimin being the back up lead. The group came together, taught each other pieces, taught workshops for those interested on campus and performed at the various talent shows and productions the school had throughout the year. It was just your group's way of showcasing your talents, something you all purely enjoyed, and it was nice to see the love and support given by the audiences.

"Okay, run that from the top one more time please. We'll take break after, swear." Hoseok chuckles and gives Jimin the cue to start the song back at the starting point. Jungkook makes a funny face at you as he huffs and puffs, trying to catch his breath from the last time you went through the counts.

"Ew." You giggle, slightly pushing him aside. Miguel's How Many Drinks begins to blast through the studio speakers, Jungkook doing his best to sing along and match his tone all while focusing on his steps. Once you're done going through the counts, the music continues to play, Jungkook twirling over to you just to sing—

"Cause I ain't leavin' aloneeee, I feel like I could be honest, babe." He spins to your other side. "We both know that we're grown, that's why I wanna knooooow - how many drinks will it take you to leave with meeeeEEeeeE?"

"You can give me all the drinks in the world and I swear I still wouldn't." You snort, making him frown and click his teeth.

"Too bad that's not really how you act when I ask to sleep over, though." Silence as you stick your tongue out at him. Cause, yeah. You really do tell him to sleep over without hesitation. You loved his company, you can’t lie. "Yeah, fraudulent as hell. I never taught you that." He jokes.

"Shut up, Jungkook—"

"Okay!" Hoseok says, clapping his hands. "This'll be a couple piece. I honestly think it'll work better that way, just like I envisioned it. I'll work with the couple to clean this up before the performance, but to whoever isn't casted for this, Jimin still has a piece to teach the rest of you, so don't feel discouraged!" Hoseok chuckles a bit, giving the rest of the group a small smile. "So with that being said - Y/N, Jungkook, I want you two to do this piece."

"Ouuuuuuuu." Jimin teases you from the sidelines, causing you to put up your middle finger.

"We won’t let you down, cap." Jungkook swings his arm around you.

"I'll teach you the rest of the piece next practice so we can start polishing it up and making it clean before the talent show."

"Sounds good with me." You flatly say, even though 100%, you're pretty excited for many reasons. One, you had been wanting to do a solo or couples piece for awhile, and two, your partner was Jungkook. Your best friend, your ride or die, the dude you've spent so much time with and gave your affection to behind closed doors. It made you giddy just thinking about it, even if you'd blatantly lie to his face later on when he'd tease you. And Jungkook felt the same. You missed the way he subtly bit on his bottom lip when you were named his partner, just so he wouldn't smile too big in front of you.

After practice, you egg him on enough to agree to take you to In-N-Out, without hinting at the plan you had drafted out in your head earlier.  The plan that says you're gonna drag his ass to Target afterwards and he had no choice but to come along.

"Y/N, you liar." He groans. "You said you weren't gonna go to Target." He pouts as you follows behind you anyway.

"Kook, I literally just need to get one thing."

"What's the one thing that you couldn't get on your own time?"

"I don't know, I'll have to find out when we get in there." You giggled, causing him to groan again. "Plus, we're here already. Killing two birds with one stone."

"Ah shit, I suppose I can get some bottles for the party."

"Yeah, make yourself useful Jungkook."

"Yeah, make yourself useful Jungkook, aheh." He mocks your tone and does that really weird and ugly ass laugh that dudes always do when they try to mock girls, however, you ignore it because you've just stepped into Target and bitch, this was Disneyland to you. Heaven. Paradise.

"Hm, what are we drinking on Friday?" He says his text outloud as he follows you around the dollar section where you begin to pick up really unnecessary items that you're probably just gonna store away in or around your desk somewhere.

"Should be holy water because you all need it."

"Mmm, I don't know, I don't think they have that but we can check." He responds ever so seriously, causing you to chuckle.

"How many people are you expecting?"

"Honestly, I don't even know. We said we'd keep it to close friends only. I don't really have any friends, so that's all on them."

"Ah, makes sense as to how the entire class was invited." You fire back sarcastically. "Your upstairs neighbors are really gonna have a blast."

"They're invited too."

"You guys are so dumb." He laughs when you hit him against the chest. After walking a bit, the two of you head towards the alcohol aisle, Jungkook grabbing what his arms will allow him to grab since alcohol is a little cheaper here than other grocery stores. "Isn't there a limit as to how much alcohol you can buy?"

"I don't see anything anywhere." He hauls about 4 big bottles back to the cashiers. "Besides, I'm giving them business compared to Safeway and those other grocery stores."

"Grab the coupon at least, genuis. It could save you some money." You take off the coupons from the three bottles.

He looks down at the coupon attached to the 4th bottle. "Sign up today and get 2% cash back on every bottle you buy." He snorts after reading the coupon outloud. "More like sign up today and get 2% cash back turnt." He looks at you. "This doesn't sound like a coupon, miss. Where's the ‘get 5 dollars off’ bullshit?"

"2% cash back turnt? Really?" You furrow your brows at him and hand the coupons to the cashier. "Here. God, maybe you shouldn't be hosting parties with your roommates."

"Maybe not." He holds his bags, even grabbing onto yours as you both walk out to his car. He turns up the radio, the both of you singing along to the songs coming through. When he pulls up to the lot of Edgehill Village, he parks in someone else's marked spot only because it's technically next to your door and he doesn't anticipate to stay long. But honestly, that never goes as planned. He grabs your bag from the trunk, silently following behind you as you unlock your door to an empty suite - just as you expected. Kass was most likely at Jungkook’s, spending the night with Jimin, and you'd be alone for the night. It didn't matter to you though, the peace and quiet was always nice.

"You sure you're gonna be okay here alone?" You nod.

"Yup. It's kind of nice actually." You lean forward onto your bed since it's raised a little higher than usual with bed risers, and open up your laptop. Jungkook sets your Target bag down and wraps his arms around you from behind, planting a kiss on your cheek and on your jawline.

"You sure you don't want me to sleep over? Cuddles sound nice."

"It sounds like you want to."

"Only if you want me to." He nuzzles his head against your neck, waiting for your response.

"Kook, please." You chuckle. "If you wanna sleepover, then go ahead."

"Yesssss! I do."

"Well you need to find parking, or else the person that owns that parking spot will be highly upset."

"You got it, captain. Pull up a movie!" He says, dashing out of your room to move his car. He's most likely going to come back in another 5 minutes, being that the only free parking at this time of night is probably on the other end in the gym's lot, or somewhere on the streets [if he got lucky].

And so that 5 minutes sure does go by before Jungkook is breathing heavily when he walks into your room, duffle bag swung over his shoulder with a big, dorky ass smile on his face.

"I'm back!"

"I see." You snort, still going through the movies.

"Hey, let's run through what Hobi taught us first."

"Ugh, I'm so tired though."

"Cooooome on, just once." He pulls you by the hand, his body pressed against yours as his his other arm wraps around your waist. "Please." His puppy dog eyes look down at you, causing you to push him away because fucking hell, that shit makes you weak. Makes the pussy throb just a lil, you know? Christ.

"Only if you watch 10 Things I Hate About You."

"Sure, I don't mind." He pulls up the song on your laptop. The both of you face the mirror in front of you, careful not to hit each other since you had such limited space to fully move around. Running through it once was a full blown lie, being that you both are doing it for almost 5-6 times before you're laughing at how out of breath you already are. You're so out of it and winded by the last time around that you accidentally hit Jungkook in the face, causing him to whine and stumble off to the side.

"Oh shit!" You laugh. "I'm so sorry, Kookie!" You run over to cup his face. "Are you okay? You good?"

"Shit, Y/N. You have a heavy hand." He keeps his hand against his cheek.

"I'm sorry." You lean in to plant a kiss on his cheek, but Jungkook being Jungkook, he looks to the side to have his lips meet yours instead. He picks you up in one swift motion, your legs wrapped around his torso as he sits you on your bed, your hands still cupping his face. And honestly, you really wanted him. You've always wanted him since this whole thing started. God, he was attractive to you - every little thing about Jungkook was a fucking weakness, but you weren't gonna let up first. Not tonight. The scar on his cheek, his soft, fluffy hair, his toned body, his muscular ass arms, the way he held onto you when you both slept, the way he kissed you.

Lord, he was truly going to be the death of you.

Before the kiss could get any deeper, you smile into it and back away, keeping your gaze on the small, dazed smile Jungkook has on his face.

"Can we watch now?" You ask, subtly biting onto your bottom lip.

"Yeah, good idea."

"Actually, after all that, I need to shower first."

"Can I join?" His eyes light up.

"Sit your ass down. You can go after." You laugh as you hop off the bed, grabbing your pajamas for a quick shower. You literally take 10 minutes, walking back into your room with wet hair and an oversized shirt and shorts underneath. Although you had been completely comfortable with Jungkook, the both of you have never really seen each other fully naked like that. Whenever he slept over, you were both always fully clothed. You've seen him hop out of the shower and come in shirtless, but that's probably about it. You start to brush your teeth as he rummages through his emergency duffle bag full of shit that he holds in the trunk of his car, grabbing a fresh pair of clothes to change into after his shower. You already know his ass is gonna use your shampoo for everything because he loves the smell of it and always talks about how good your hair smells.

While waiting for him, you slip yourself under your covers and pull the laptop closer to you, scrolling through your phone aimlessly to see what's new on instagram. Which, is absolutely nothing, so you let out a dissatisfied sigh.

"Ready!" He comes in, tossing his towel aside and shutting off the lights to crawl into your bed with you.

"You smell just like me." You chuckle.

"It's great, isn't it?"

"Your hair isn't bothering you?" You run your hand through his incredibly wet hair as he shakes his head.

"No, I'll be good."

"Okay." He wraps his arm around you to pull you onto his body, the movie already off to a start. As the movie goes on, you find yourself getting sleep as both of your bodies sink deeper into the sheets, Jungkook still not letting you go. The laptop rests on his belly, while your head is on his chest, his heartbeat the one thing putting you to sleep pretty quickly. He's comfortable, just as you are. He's warm, you're warm. He's content, you're content. You drift off to sleep while he continues to watch, knowing your bodies will be pressed tightly against each other in the morning.

"Kook there's so many fucking people here. The cops are gonna come and shut this down quick." Jungkook shrugs.

"Oh well, wasn't my idea." He snorts. "Shot?!" He hands you a shot that you take with ease, feeling like you aren't drunk enough for all this shit and all these people. "Atta girl."

"Yuck, though." You slightly make a sour face as you feel the warmth trickle down your throat and into your stomach.

"Heeeey, whyyyyy do you look so FaMiliaR?" This girl asks Jungkook in a weird, flirty tone, where every other consonant goes up and down. She's obviously really fucking drunk and out of her mind because for one, she definitely goes to the same school as you two, and she has definitely been in class with Jungkook before.

"Oh uh, my name's Justin Bieber. I used to sing from time to time." He says nonchalantly with you furrowing your forehead at him because what kind of response did he just give her?! What did he just tell her? You're so embarrassed that you slowly turn on your heel and walk out of the kitchen as you hear him sing One Less Lonely Girl hella out of tune, with the girl completely smitten over his drunk ass.

"Where's Jungkookie?" Kass asks as she sits on Jimin's lap.

"Over there, pretending to be Justin Bieber apparently."

"Oh, nice. You don't come across that often." Jimin says sarcastically. "Are you staying here tonight?"

"Yeah, stay here tonight, with Kookie." Kass wiggles her eyebrows, her cheek resting on top of Jimin's head. "It's not like that's anything new."

"Um, I'd rather much be back in the dorm."

"That cold, lonely place? When you could be here, in such a pretty apartment with such a pretty boy?" You shake your head at her.

"Unbelievable." You mutter. Suddenly, an incredibly tall man walks into the apartment, reaching about 6'1 and almost hitting the ceiling with his tall ass. You've never seen him before, but he walks in with Hoseok and Namjoon and for whatever reason, you can't peel your eyes off of him. "Woah, who's that?"

"Who's what?" Jungkook finally comes to your side after being Justin Bieber for a good minute or so, his eyes following yours. Who was he and why were you looking at him so intensely?

"That's Kang! You've never met him?" Jimin says, doing a slight nod to greet him as he passes by. Kang and his fine self looks up at you, a small smirk creeping up at the corner of his lips as he continues through to the kitchen behind Hoseok and Namjoon. "He's a transfer and on the basketball team."

"He's fiiiiine." You and Kass swoon over him a bit, Jungkook giving you a look.

"He's alriiiight. I've seen better."

"Shut up, no one asked you." You lightly punch him on the side, making him lightly groan while Jimin and Kass laugh. The rest of the party, you suddenly have a goal to find out more about Kang and see what he's about because you and Jungkook weren't official. You both didn't really know what this was, but one thing you knew for sure was that it wasn't anything exclusive. You wouldn't bring it up, so wouldn't Jungkook - so was this really something all that meaningful?

Whatever, you didn't wanna keep going in circles about it.

Jungkook fucking hates it though, and he's honestly really jealous that you're suddenly trying to be all cute and woo the new, tall, handsome [but he's not really that fucking handsome to Jungkook for christ's sake] basketball player. Jungkook almost wants to mock his every move and how suavé he is, almost looking like a try hard with the way he's leaning against the wall and talking to you.

Wait— he's talking to you?! You were literally right next to him 2 seconds ago.

"What the fuck?" He squints, trying to make sure he's actually looking at you.

"You're so full of shit." Jimin laughs.

"What are you talking about?"

"Why don't you just admit that you like her and stop being childish about it?"

"I don't like her. She's just my bestfriend."

"Um, okay?" Jimin snorts. "When you sleep at her place every chance you get and vice versa? When she has a ton of your shirts and hoodies in her own fucking closet? When you always get so affectionate with her in the dorm? Sure, you don't like her."

"How do you know that?"

"I just do, you've done it in front of me and Kass before but you both tried playing it off. I don't understand you two."

"Well, I don't like her. She obviously doesn't either with the way she's trying to be all up on him." Jungkook glares at you, his teeth biting the rim of the cup harshly as he brings it to his lips to take a sip.

"Whatever, I'm just saying dude. Probably better to be straight up about it than not."

"Kaaaaaaay." Jungkook responds sarcastically, trying to play off how butthurt he was right now. Cause yeah, he did fucking like you. He was just scared to admit it though because of reasons like this - the fact that you possibly didn't like him back killed him. The fact that you could possibly be using him to feel wanted, needed. It made his stomach turn.

He just really liked you, and god, did he want to be the one in your bed tonight. Whether or not that ended up in sex, whatever. He just wanted to be the one to touch you, be on you.

Meanwhile, Kang was attractive as hell and ouwee, were you feeling him tonight. You were, you really were - except, you could literally feel the holes Jungkook was burning through you from across the room. You'd occasionally glance over due to how distracting it was, Jungkook literally have no shame with eyeing you, almost glaring at you, from across the apartment.

"Is it too forward if I ask for your number already?" Kang licks his lips, his teeth lightly piercing his bottom lip as he looks down at you.

"No." You smirk at him, taking his phone to put your number in.

"We should kick it soon. I'd love to hang out with you and get to know you better."

"Yeah, just let me know when." You blush, until you're suddenly pulled out of your daze by a loud 'ahem,' the loudest throat-clearing you have ever heard in your life. You turn to see Jungkook making his way back over to the shots, knowing damn well he's calling you over. "See you around?" Kang winks before he tips his cup to you and gives you a single nod.

"Sure thing, cutiepie." You bite onto your bottom lip, making your way over to Jungkook at the shot station, instantly pinching his arm.

"What the fuck?"

"Nobody was calling you over." Jungkook smirks.

"Shut the fuck up, yes you were. I know that was you clearing your throat like that."

"I'm sorry, does it bother you?" He blinks cutely, tilting his head to the side. "Besides, why come over here when you're too busy with your man?"

"Are you jealous?"

"Why in the hell would I be jealous, Y/N? Do you." The words sting you, even though part of you still wants to believe that Jungkook may actually like you. All you can do is sigh and brush it off, placing your cup down in front of him as he pours himself another shot. "You sure?"

"Just give me the damn shot." You say, making it your 7th.

And the 7th turns into 8, 8 turns into 9, 9 turns into 10. And at 10, you're pretty fucking drunk even as the party is starting to die down by the time it's close to 2am. All 10 were a good combination of shots and mixed drinks.

10 drinks.

10 drinks is what it took for you to lay in Jungkook's bed at the end of the night, hands tangled in his fluffy hair as your makeout session intensifies by the minute - all due to this sexual tension, frustration, whatever the hell it was brewing between you two after all this time. The both of you are drunk as hell, and it's pretty evident with the way you can still taste the alcohol on his tongue, both sloppily touching up on each other, kisses getting wetter, clothes coming off like there's no tomorrow.

"Wait, are you sure?" Jungkook says, about to unhook your bra.

"Jungkook, god, just fuck me." You plead drunkily, the room spinning around you. He continues to unhook your bra, tossing it across the room where your other clothes lay, peppering kisses along your neck before licking up a stripe to meet your lips again. He hooks his fingers across the band of your panties, tugging them down and letting them get lost within his sheets. You take this as leverage to tug his boxer briefs down, already stroking his hardened member the moment you come into contact with it. The sad thing is that you both are so fucking drunk, you can't even appreciate the fact that you both are naked in front of each other for the first time ever.

You can't even come to terms with the fact that you both are about to fuck each other and cross that boundary completely.

But, hell, what do you care? You were drunk. You got a cute guy's number. You're getting dick at the end of the night.

"Oh shit, Y/N." He moans into your mouth as he feels you stroking him. "Need to feel you." He quickly runs his finger down your fold, slipping in two digits to pump them in and out, quickly prepping you for his dick.

"Hnnng--Kook." You bite onto your bottom lip as your eyes shut close momentarily, your head digging deeper into the pillow the more he tries to stretch you out. "Want you inside of me."

"I got you." He says. You almost whine at the loss of contact until you feel his tip poking at your entrance. He slowly continues to slip himself inside of you, Kook letting out a small groan while your mouth was left open, a soundless moan releasing before you hiss and take in all of him. He fills you up so well, so completely. He was so big that you felt full, bloated, with him being inside of you the way he was.

"Ohhhhhgod." You whimper as he starts to steady his pace, the lewd noises of his cock slipping in and out of your wet pussy filling his room - god forbid if Jimin or their other roommate Yoongi heard this right now. It would be nothing short of pornographic.

"You're so wet. Is that all for me?" He says, causing your eyes to roll to the back of your head as he begins to aggressively thrust into you.

"Y-yes." You whine.

"Say it again."

"All for you, Kook."

"I fucking thought so." He drunkily responds as one hand grips onto your hips tightly, the other in your hair as he digs his head back into the crook of your neck, his tongue messily licking near your jaw before he nibbles onto your earlobe.

"Hmmmmgggh, Jungkook. Fuck." You moan as you start to work your hips upward into his, your clit rubbing against his pelvis, causing the pleasure to pool quickly within the pit of your stomach. It causes goosebumps to pierce through the surface of your skin, your hands gripping tighter on his hair. "You're-you're gonna make me cum. Faster." You plead. He does just so, hammering into you, the sound of his hips slamming into yours bouncing off of the walls.

"Ahhh—Y/N." He groans.

"Just like that, just like that, just like that!" You repeat, your clit feeling incredibly stimulated by the way it rubs against his skin while he fucks into you. "Oh shit! Jungkook!" You moan loudly, biting his shoulder as you feel yourself trembling hard in his grip, your orgasm taking over your entire body.

"Shit, shit, shit—Y/N, Shiiiit." He says into your neck, followed by more curses and groans as you feel him coat your walls warmly. He stays inside of you until the both of you come back down to normalcy, your breathing becoming more regulated. He slowly slips himself out, plopping next to you on the bed, but doesn't welcome you into his arms.

The night goes on, the both of you sleeping on your own sides of Jungkook's bed, not really saying a word to each other. Because the both of you, although still pretty drunk, are more aware by the time it's over and it's become so clear how fucked up this got.

You were hurt. Completely hurt. Because you didn't expect Jungkook to just fucking ghost you after that night. You wanted to talk about it, maybe come to the conclusion that you two should just distance yourselves from each other to figure this out, even if it would hurt you a lot to do so.

No.

That morning, Jimin and Kass had to take you back to campus because Jungkook had darted out of his room, nowhere to be seen until later that night. The next week or so, there were no texts, no calls. No visiting your dorm, no asking to sleepover.

Nothing.

Just radio silence, white noise, if you will.

The one thing he could come up with was a stupid response to your text when you finally caved and asked what you did wrong mid-week.

Something along the lines of 'what do you want me to say, Y/N? do you want me to force myself to feel a certain way?'

Followed by a 'i'm sorry, fuck. that came out really wrong' even though you thought it came out perfectly fine. You understood loud and clear.

Even though this wasn't really an exclusive thing, or even a 'thing' if we wanna be straight up, you still couldn't help but feel like Jungkook had just dumped your ass with no explanation and you were still waiting for that explanation to come, whether it would or not. And because of this, you started to see Kang, hangout with him more often. He even took you out on a dinner date and you really enjoyed his company. He seemed genuine, caring, supportive - even if a lot of the basketball boys were the complete opposite. He was different, you liked to think.

And so you stand in front of the mirrors in the dance studio, you and Jungkook awkwardly running through the piece with Hoseok watching, confused as to why all of a sudden the two of you have this weird tension going on. It hasn't entirely ruined the couple piece, but it hasn't brought it together, either. The both of you could barely look at each other, barely get into the movements, the emotions behind the motions. Hoseok had to correct a few things, his 'pah pah pah's' echoing in the room constantly with how many times you and Jungkook had to be set straight for your sloppy steps today.

"Okay, I'm not saying it's bad, cause it's not. But can you both please act like you at least like each other or something? What's going on with you two? You aren't normally like this." Hoseok says, coming down to a crouch in front of the mirrors.

"Nothing, we'll do better. Don't worry." You brush off the entire question with your quick response. Jungkook looks at you, his hands on his hips, lightly frowning at how much you're distancing yourself even though he knows its entirely his fault for running from his feelings and not being honest with you.

"Okay, let's do it from the top." The music starts, you getting into the piece without making any eye contact with Jungkook. Even the steps that cause you to be close and near Jungkook, you look anywhere but his eyes, and your touch is light, trying your hardest not to let any feelings pass through the motion. Hoseok is a little more pleased this time around, but it still doesn't sit right with him, so he lets you two take a break while he heads to the other studio to check on Jimin and the rest of the group.

"Hey. Are you okay?"

"Jungkook, you don't get to ask me that." He sighs and runs his hand through his hair, not sure if he should continue on or not.

"Y/N—"

"Save it, and let's just get this over with, okay? I don't wanna be here just as much as you." Your words cut him deep because dear, you have gotten him completely misunderstood and yet, he still can't speak. He still can't talk about his feelings. He still can't save this even though he wants to, even though he loathes seeing you the way you are with Kang.

"I never said—"

"Kay, ready? Let's run this full out and make it a good one so we can call it for today." Hoseok says, clapping his hands to hype you two up somehow. The music starts and you're finally able to get into the steps. The emotions. And god, it's only because you're so hurt by your own bestfriend. You're hurt that he fucked you so good, and then dipped. You're hurt that he couldn't even face you the day after. You're hurt that after all this time, he made it seem like you still didn't matter enough - at least enough for an explanation, for some kind of reasoning, conversation, behind what just went down between the both of you. Between what has been going down between the both of you.

Besides the stupid ass responses he gave you through text.

You get so into your feelings that you don't even realize you're tearing up by the time the piece is over, and Jungkook catches it even though you face away from him as soon as the music cuts out.

"Nice, okay! That was so much better! Let's pick it up next session, yeah? We'll keep cleaning it up. Thanks guys!" Hoseok says. You immediately head towards the wall, grabbing your things to avoid any confrontation from Jungkook, but he grabs your arm as soon as you slip through the door.

"Y/N, wait. Stop."

"Let me go." You yank your arm from his grip.

"Why are you crying?" He stops in front of you, his hands placed on your arms to prevent you from moving any further.

"I'm not." You blatantly lie while you aggressively wipe away the stragglers coming down.

"Really? Just gonna lie like that?"

"Why do you care? You haven't said shit to me all week." You snap back, and Jungkook is taken aback from the tone in your voice. You remove his hands from your arms, and take one last look at him before shaking your head and walking off.

Next mistake? He doesn't come after you.

This was a waste of fucking time. If he truly cared about you, he wouldn't let you hurt like this.

You let out a deep sigh before clutching onto your things and walking back to your dorm. The walk from the gym/fitness center was damn near on the other end of campus compared to your dorm. It would be a good 10 minute walk if you really took your time. A good 10 minutes to ponder on your thoughts.

Yes, you liked Jungkook. You really liked him. Having sex with him solidified those feelings even more. How could you not have feelings for your bestfriend after all the moments you've shared? Was it your fault for assuming that? Was it your fault for walking through that door when it seemed to be completely open for you?

"Sup." Kang comes out of nowhere, pulling you out of your thoughts. He swings his arm around your shoulder, gently pulling you closer to his body.  "Just got out of practice?"

"Sure did." You give him a toothless smile. Yes, he was attractive as hell. He always will be. But, even with the time you spent together, the date he took you on, he still couldn't make you feel the way Jungkook has been able to make you feel.

"How was it?"

"Um, it was alright. Nothing new really, just cleaning up the piece before the show. You're going right?"

"Why wouldn't I?" He smiles down at you. "Listen, I don't know if you've heard, but there's another party tonight."

"A party? It's Wednesday." You snort.

"Yeah, I mean, one of the boys on the Lacrosse team is throwing it at his family house because his parents will be gone. Wanna come? I'll pick you up. We don't have to stay for long." You looked at your watch.

"What time is it at?"

"Like 9ish?" Enough time for you to shower and get a quick dinner in your belly. Why the hell not? You were caught up for the week. You didn't have any pressing assignments that were due asap.

"Sure. I'll come."

"Cool. See you later then?" He says, about to part ways with you. You simply give him a nod before walking deeper into Edgehill village. You hoped you wouldn't regret this tonight, and you really hoped he meant it when he said you two didn't have to stay for long. You drag yourself into your room, seeing Kass' door wide open, revealing her packing up her duffle bag.

"Hey, where are you headed during the middle of the week?"

"My two classes got cancelled for tomorrow so me and Jiminie are heading out for a mini getaway for our anniversary." You cross your arms and smile. "He's just gonna catch up on shit when we get back I guess." She laughs.

"That sounds cute. I hope you have loads of fun this weekend, babe."

"What are you gonna do?" Kass and Jimin were obviously aware of everything happening between you and Jungkook being that they had to be the ones to take you home. They never pressed on it though, knowing you both were still pretty upset about how things were playing out. They figured you two would eventually work it out, but until then, they would just sit back and keep their mouths shut. You two were being completely stubborn, but it wasn't their relationship to fix.

"Well, there's this party Kang wants to take me to tonight."

"The Lacrosse party? Messy." She laughs. "Be careful, but also have fun, yeah? I still don’t know if I trust him.”

"Yeah I know."

"Tell me how it goes!"

"I will." You wave her off as you head into your room and shut the door. You figured you would just grab dinner on campus to avoid spending more money than you should; after all, dinner seemed to be pretty bomb tonight. You didn't mind going alone, sometimes Namjoon would join you, asking for you to bring him a plate of food while he does the hard job of sneaking inside the cafeteria through the back door. He usually waits for you at a free table and ends up staying there to have dinner with you, updating you on how life has been, how school has been. Sometimes Hoseok would join you, too. Either way, you didn't mind if no one joined. It was nice to have dinner by yourself from time to time.

You get there on time to be able to grab some food, eat quietly and head out before the cafeteria gets way too busy for your liking. You slip into the shower and throw on a mini skirt, a crop top and a denim jacket, lightly fluffing your hair in the mirror and adding a dab of lip gloss to your lips before Kang is calling you to tell you he's outside your dorm. He's wearing something similar to your color palette, however, you don't make much out of it since this also wasn't really an exclusive thing and you sure as hell weren't going around telling people you and Kang had a thing going on.

To him, you two might be a thing. You've definitely overheard people talking about you two in passing.

To you though, you two definitely weren't. And it was a big fuck you to Jungkook for that.

The house is packed from end to end already, and you're surprised being that it has barely hit 10 minutes since the party was expected to take off. Kang is having to park down the hill, allowing you to hop onto his back for a quick piggy back ride up until you reach the front of the house. There's people already fucked up out on the lawn [you figured they fucked themselves over during their pre-game session cause that shit really happens from time to time], either laying there drunkily or yacking on a free patch of grass.

Gross.

Messy, indeed.

Some people are posted, smoking blunts and offering it to people who were passing by. You and Kang both pass up on it, the idea of not knowing where it has been not sitting right with you. You both head straight to the bottles, taking shots and downing mixed drinks to chase it with so that you can catch up with majority of the crowd. Kang has his arm around your shoulder throughout the night, keeping you close to him, even when he's getting pretty drunk. You realize he's a little more handsy than usual, a little more touchy than you expected him to be. It doesn't bother you for a minute, until he really tries to hike up your skirt while you sit on his lap. You gently shoo his hand away, playing it off while he nuzzles his head against your neck.

"Let's go upstairs, babe." He says, the pet name sounding incredibly off coming from him. Maybe you were drunk, maybe you really just weren't in the mood. It just didn't sound cute, if that even makes sense?

"Okay." You respond stupidly, not wanting to cause a scene at a lacrosse party. You intertwine your fingers with his as he leads the way up the stairs, eyeing the doors as they come into view. He leans forward towards each door, making sure it's clear before opening it. You assume he finally finds one that he's satisfied with when you catch the small smirk that grows at the corner of his lips when he turns the door knob and brings you inside. He pulls you into a deep, rough kiss, one that doesn't even allow you to breathe and process what the fuck is even going on. You can't get into it for the life of you, no matter how hard you try to back away. "Wait, wait."

"What's wrong, baby? Isn't this what you wanted?" He says, kissing down your neck as he drops his jacket to the floor. He gently pushes you onto the bed, his hands traveling up your skirt as you lay there trying to push him off.

"Wait, stop." He doesn't listen. He continues until his hands are literally hooking onto your panties, his finger swiping down your clothed folds. You try fighting him off, but he's way stronger than you. He continues to be aggressive, forcefully trying to shove your panties down until you muster up all the energy you have to finally push him off of you completely. "Stop!"

"What the fuck? I thought you wanted this?"

"Who the hell said that?"

"Are you serious? The way that you're dressed and the way that you look at me. The way you approached me at your friend's party - isn't it all because of this? Because you wanted me? Why are you backing out now?"

"Jesus, get over yourself." You stand, fixing your skirt back down. He furrows his brows at you before his hand grips your arm tightly, shoving you against the wall.

"The fuck, you can't just leave without giving me anything. I brought you here to this party."

"Let me go! You're fucking sick. No one even told you I wanted this to go down. I don't know who you think you are, but you need to get yourself together and stop assuming every pussy is yours to take." He attempts to pin you, his hand holding up both of your hands against the wall while the other tries to pull up your skirt. Someone accidentally opens the door, distracting him and giving you leverage to shove him off and get the fuck away. You dart down the steps, fixing your skirt as you head outside and away from the house.

Fuck, you're far from campus. And Kass and Jimin aren't around.

God.

You groan and run your hand through your hair as you continue to walk down the hill and into the neighborhood to get as far away as possible from that house and that gross ass dude. He was literally just like the rest of the basketball team. You've heard stories and they weren't nice. Looks like he was trained well already, and that shit was sad. What a waste. A beautiful human being with such a nasty, sick mindset. You hoped other girls hadn't fallen for his shit.

Ugh, it sends shivers down your spine. Bad shivers.

"Hello? Y/N?"

"Kook, can you come pick me up please?"

"Yeah, yeah. Of course. Where are you?"

"I'll drop my location. Please hurry." You say, looking back to make sure your coast was clear. You drop the pin into your text thread with Jungkook and sit on the curb until his arrival. It's getting pretty chilly out, and the denim jacket you're wearing fails to provide you with the warmth you're looking for. Sooner or later, Jungkook is pulling up, damn near hopping out before he can shift the gear into park.

"You okay? What happened?" He says, opening the door for you before rushing over to the driver's seat.

"Nothing, can we just go back to your place?" He nods silently, and doesn't press any further after hearing your tone. He watches from his peripherals how you fiddle with your fingers and constantly reach to pull your skirt down even though he doesn't think there's any other way you could pull it down even more. He watches as he parks the car on the curb in front of his apartment how you simply undo your seatbelt and hop out to walk straight into his apartment. He watches as you welcome yourself into his closet and pick out some clothes for you to change in.

You were hurt, and his blood boils thinking about who could've done this and what they could have possibly done.

I mean, no. He knows who did this, but the question was what exactly did he try?

He hears the shower turn on, then quickly get turned off after a good 5 minutes. You had stepped in for a quick body shower, using Jungkook's bodywash just to rid yourself of feeling gross. Feeling gross from being shoulder to shoulder all night long, people breathing down your neck. Kang touching you inappropriately. You slip into Jungkook's clothes, his scent wrapping around you entirely. When you head back into the room, Jungkook has his headset back on as he faces his computer, logging back onto his game of League of Legends. You silently toss your dirty clothes to the side of his room, making a mental note to grab it tomorrow morning and toss it straight into the laundry.

Straight into a fire, perhaps. But you loved those clothes so much, it was unfortunate it'd have such a horrible memory to go with it.

Jungkook slowly removes his headset again and removes himself from his game before he heads over and sits on the edge of his bed. You simply look at him, pursing your lips tightly together to prevent yourself from crying.

But he can tell.

"What happened Y/N?" The question triggers you, making you cry into your hands as he sits there, dumbfounded and worried at how he can fix this and make you feel better. "Look, you don't have to tell me all the details but please tell me how I can help. At least tell me if I need to beat Kang's ass." He says, pulling you into his arms.

"He tried to fucking take advantage of me." You mumble as you remove your face from your hands.

"He did what?" He manages to ask even though he has a hard time swallowing the lump that formed in his throat. He already assumed you had placed him in the same category as Kang even though he never intended to take advantage of you. He really took that night as something special [even drunk], and he never meant to make you feel like you were a used object. Not like Kang.

"He-he," You sniffed. "He tried to force me into having sex with him. He took me upstairs at that lacrosse guy's party or whoever the hell it even was, and he started to aggressively kiss me. And then he tried to force my panties down and touch me there, and—"

"Okay, please don't go on or else I'll literally go over there and tear his ass apart right now. I promise you." He says sternly, his jaw clenching tightly. "God, fuck. I'm so sorry Y/N. I can't apologize on his behalf but fuck, you didn't deserve that." He uses his sweater to wipe your tears.

"I don't even know why I'm crying, this shit isn't even worth it." You groaned. "It's just overwhelming to process, I guess."

"That's okay." He says, letting out a sigh as he brushes his hand through your hair and continues to wipe the stragglers falling from your eyes. "Anything I can get you right now?"

"No, I'm probably just gonna go to bed." He nods. "Thank you for picking me up."

"Of course. You know I'll always be there." He says. You slip yourself into his sheets, watching as he makes his way back to his desk. But fuck, the only thing you needed right now was him. You didn't want this distance anymore, and you just wanted to be comforted in true Jungkook fashion.

"Wait."

"Hm?" He hums as he has a hand placed on the  head of his chair while he turns to you.

"Can you just lay with me?"

"Yeah." He says, shutting off his computer before making his way over to you in the dark. You feel him slip in next to you, his arm snaking around your shoulders so he can pull you close and onto his chest. "Better?"

"Yeah." You say, shutting your eyes as you listen to his heart beat.

"Y/N."

"Yeah?"

"I never meant to take advantage of you, or make you feel like I used you that one night." Silence. "It was dumb of me, but I just— I had trouble coming to terms with my feelings. I was scared that you wouldn't feel the same way, but I thought fuck it, at least you would know, right?"

"What are you talking about, Kook?" You ask, close to a whisper.

"I'm saying that I really fucking like you, Y/N. No, that's not right." He curses himself. "I-I uh, I'm in love with you. And I don't know if I messed this up already with the way I acted, god I hope not, but you at least deserve to know that I truly do value you and that you mean alot to me. That night, even though we were pretty plastered, it meant a lot to me. It was more than just sex and I'm sure you felt that too." He waits for your response as his fingers rake through your hair. "Please say something, anything."

"I feel the same way, Jungkook. You're an idiot for running off, but I couldn't even stay mad at you. You just know how to hit my soft spots and I can never say no to it. Can never turn my back on it." He presses a kiss against the top of your head.

"Fuck, I'm really glad to hear that cause I don't know what I would have done besides cry if you rejected me." You playfully hit his chest.

"You're annoying." You jokingly say as you chuckle.

"I'm sorry. I really am. I never wanted to hurt you."

"It's okay." You look up to press your lips against his before laying back down.

"And Kang better be fucking glad you're pressed against my body right now because I'm still looking to beat his ass."

"He's not even worth it." Is the last thing you say before you find yourself drifting into a deep sleep, in the comfort of Jungkook's arms.

"You two feeling okay? Nervous?" You and Jungkook shake your heads. "Good, you guys got this. You've been looking amazing during practice, the audience will love you two, no doubt. Just remember to show emotions through expressions and hit every beat sharply." Hoseok nods in unison with the both of you.

"Got it, thanks Hobi." You smile at him toothlessly. You and Jungkook patiently waited for your turn backstage, the talent show already off to a wild and fun start. So many students came by to showcase their talents - from beatboxing, open mic, freestyling [like Yoongi did], dancing, singing, you name it. It was always a fun time at the talent show, and it was always nice to see people getting love for the shit they loved to do.

"You're up next." Hoseok says. "I'll be in the front row. Kick ass and have fun!" He says as he rushes off towards the opposite end to head back out to his seat in the theater.

"Ready?" Jungkook holds out his hand for you to take.

"I think so." You playfully respond as the backstage crew is rushing out the previous talent and rushing you two in to take your places on stage. The lights pick up as soon as the music starts, Kang's big ass head already in full view for you. He's definitely not smiling, no, he has a look of pure disgust because he simply couldn't get what he wanted from you.

And boy, who's fault was that? Not yours, no sir. It was his fault for thinking he had it like that.

But anyways, you're feeling the music, you're feeling the piece because you're dancing with your bestfriend and there wasn't this grey area anymore. It was easier to get into the motions, to get into the feeling, especially when things felt right between the two of you.

And God, what else is more attractive than Jeon Jungkook hitting his 8 counts so smoothly, with just enough umph to make it pop but make it pop cleanly.

Yo, please. I beg. Send some help. You could literally melt on stage.

The moments where Jungkook has to be close to you, where he has to touch you - you let him, and you touch him with meaning. You don't stray away this time because you have no reason to. The crowd is cheering, lots of 'ou's' and 'aw's' erupting from various places in the theater.

"Pretty lady." Jungkook whispers in your ear as the move requires his hands to be placed on your hips for a quick moment. You hear him slightly singing along to the song as he parts from you, causing you to blush.

Sooner or later, the couple piece is over and the song is transitioning to Jimin's piece, you and Jungkook rushing off the stage so the next group can take their positions. Jimin wanted to test his limits, creating a piece a little different than his usual taste - Chris Brown's Came to Do begins blaring through the theater speakers. You immediately jump into Jungkook's arms once you both reach backstage, the both of you immensely happy and pumped that you got through the piece without messing up one step or beat. It went so smoothly that Hoseok was standing in the front row, clapping and cheering in typical Hoseok fashion. You intertwine your fingers with his, slipping through the side door to catch Jimin's piece on stage. You and Jungkook are cheering them on, always impressed by the shit your friends can come up with. You both loved dancing, but you couldn't even imagine coming up with your own pieces to teach people.

That night after the show, everyone heads to a nearby restaurant for dinner with everyone. You all take up almost an entire section of the restaurant, splitting two long tables to accommodate the entire group with doubled the waitresses to take your orders. You settle for water, splitting an abnormally huge and filled deep dish pizza with Jimin, Kass and Jungkook. It was a good day, a good night, everyone at the table happily eating and chatting it up over dinner. You turn down any drinks because to be honest, drinks lowkey make you queasy just from the thought of how much you drank at Jungkook's apartment, plus the added bonus of that party Kang took you to. Jungkook declines as well, knowing he has to drive you back safely.

Jimin and Kass head back to the apartment because Yoongi says he's gonna hang out with Joon And Hoseok for a bit, and they warn you and Jungkook that things may get loud so the both of you decide to really stick to the plan of bringing you back to the dorm. Jungkook does his usual routine of dropping you off first before finding parking around campus. You hop in the shower and come out in Jungkook's oversized crewneck that he left in your closet, forgoing the shorts because you certainly thing that at this point, he'd love to see you in his sweater and panties.

And he does. He smiles as he pulls you close, his hands traveling up your sweater, only to find out that you literally don't have shit on besides some cute little boyshorts. He feels himself hardening in his pants quick because he's incredibly attracted to you and everything about you, always has been, always will be.

"You did amazing tonight." He says, gently kissing your forehead.

"You did too, partner." He gives you a slightly shocked look.

"Is that all I am to you? Your dance partner?"

"Yeah, why? Were you expecting more?" You joke as you smile up at him.

"Yeah, I was."

"Oh?" He gently swoops you up into his arms, your legs wrapped tightly around his torso as he sits you on the bed, his hands resting on your thighs while you continued to hold him around the neck. "Care to tell me what you were expecting?"

"Well, you know, my best friend—" He presses a kiss against your lips, thumbs gently rubbing circles against your hips. "My girlfriend."

"Hm, say that again?" Your fingers are gently playing with the ends of his hair, your lips barely grazing his.

"My girlfriend." He says closed to a whisper, kissing you softly. The kiss deepens quick, Jungkook's tongue lining your bottom lip as his way of asking for permission to take it further. You gladly take it and let him in, your tongues instantly fighting for dominance. Your fingers travel up his hair, tugging ever so slightly just to let him know you want more. That you need more.

And he gets that.

His fingers hook onto the band of your boyshorts, tugging them down and letting them fall down your legs and onto the floor. He breaks the kiss momentarily, his brown, puppy dog eyes looking straight into yours.

"Hey." He says, brushing the hair out of your face.

"Hm?"

"I know I said the last time was special, and it was. It is." He corrects himself. "But, I wanna do right by you this time around. So, is it okay if I keep going? Are you comfortable?" He asks properly, since the two of you are both sober and perfectly coherent, aware of your surroundings and the fact that you'll be seeing each other fully naked in a few minutes.

"Yes." You respond. "Yes, I want you to keep going. I want you. This." He simply nods, bringing his lips back onto yours. His hands climb up your sweater and gently gives your breasts a good squeeze, earning a small moan from the both of you. His other hand begins to travel down to your pussy, two long fingers slowly probing your entrance and causing your breathing to hitch.

"You okay?" He asks lowly. You nod, biting onto your bottom lip as you tilt your head back and rest on your hands, no longer able to keep up with the kiss due to all the pleasure starting to pile up deep in your core. Jungkook starts of slow, his head now buried into the crook of your neck as he works his digits upward, tickling at the right spot.

"Ohhhh, Kook." You mewl as his tongue swipes across the surface of your neck, biting gently beneath your jaw. He begins to pick up the pace, the sounds of him finger fucking you filling up the room entirely.

"Fuck, you're so wet baby." He groans into your neck.

"I'm gonna cum." You whine, teeth almost piercing through your bottom lip in between your whimpers.

"Need to taste you." He removes his fingers and sinks down in between your thighs, gripping onto them and pulling you just a teensy bit more off the edge of the bed so he can get a good angle. The sight of his eyes looking up at you in between your legs is to die for, and the sight alone is enough to make you cum. But, you hold on, you ride out for a little longer - feeling Jungkook's tongue swipe in and out of your folds before he's sucking endlessly on your clit.

"Ahhh, fuck, wait, Jungkook!" He slightly smiles while eating you out, signaling that he's not stopping even if you beg him to. "Hnnng—shit!" You moan loudly as you feel yourself toppling over the edge, your body shaking in Jungkook's grip. You twitch every time he continues to suck gently on your sensitive nub, letting you ride out the rest of your high. He comes back up to your lips, the taste of your own cum lingering on it as you kiss him deeply.

"You taste so good." He says, back to twirling your nipples in between his fingers.

"Wanna feel you." You fiddle with his jeans, undoing his belt and sliding the rest down as much as you could. Jungkook gets out of his shirt and tosses it aside before helping get the sweater above your head. His eyes glow at the sight of your bare body in front of him, wanting to do nothing but please you and please you well.

"God, you're so perfect." He places kisses down your collarbone, to the surface of your breasts before quickly swirling his tongue around your perked buds. You moan as you tug down onto his boxer briefs, immediately stroking his hardened member while he tended to you. Jungkook was a fucking beauty himself - his soft hair, his perfectly toned body, his long 'thick in all the right places' dick.

"Please." You plead. "I want you inside of me." You whimper, causing Jungkook's breathing to hitch when you slightly tighten your grip at the base of his shaft. He gently pushes your hand aside to take over, lining himself up at your entrance. He inserts the tip, watching your eyes roll to the back of the head as he slowly sinks into you.

"Mmmmmgod." He moans. "So tight for me, baby. So fucking wet and tight." He repeats, close to a growl. Your moaning begins to pick up, matching the pace of his thrusting. You're still on the edge of the bed, Jungkook keeping you steady by gripping your thighs tightly. He marvels at the sight of your titties bouncing up and down with every thrust, hissing and shutting his eyes momentarily to keep himself grounded and to prevent himself from coming too quickly. Cause god, he can literally blow any second now.

"Jungggggkooook, yessssss!" You moan loudly, whining even at this point with how good he feels fucking into you at such a fast pace. You're feeling slightly sore already from him hammering into you, but nonetheless, it builds more pleasure for you and you want nothing but to reach your high again. "I-I'm coming!" Jungkook moans in unison with you when he feels your walls pulsating against his cock.

"Such a good girl for me." He says, slowing his pace. The creamy sounds of Jungkook's cock slipping inside and out is music to the both of your ears. He finally gains the courage to remove himself, sitting next to your spot on the edge of the bed and pulling you onto his lap. You swing a leg over, your hands resting on the nape of his neck while you sink yourself lower onto his length. Your mouth opens to let out a moan, but the best you can do is let out a hiss. It feels too fucking good that you can't even process it thoroughly. Jungkook pushes your lips down onto his by grabbing your neck, his other hand guiding the movement of your hips as you roll into him.

"Mmmggg—Jungkook." You whimper in between kisses. "You feel so fucking good, god. You're gonna make me cum again."

"Yeah, cum for me. Cum all over me. It's yours." He grunts, his hands guiding you to work him faster. Your movements are getting sloppier, and you feel your wetness starting to coat his pelvis. He doesn't give a fuck though, and neither do you. This shit feels too good for you to worry about the mess you're making on him.

"Cum with me please." He moans at the sound of you whispering into his ear.

"Faster, baby." He says, almost making you cry at how awfully close you are to unraveling. You tug onto his hair, your head buried deep into his neck as you try and suck onto the surface, trying to find an outlet, some kind of release, until you let go. You suck harshly as you coat his cock with your cum, leaving a purple mark right at the base of his neck. You continue to ride out your high, rolling your hips sloppily as Jungkook finally lets himself go, his moan bouncing off of your walls as his seed fills you up warmly.

You stay in your position, slowly raising your head to cup his cheeks and kiss him deeply once more.

"Fuck, I love you." He says slightly pulling away.

"I love you too." You giggle.

"Didn't actually need any drinks to do this now, did we?" Jungkook jokes, softly pinching your hip.

"Shut up."

"Damn, you both couldn't even at least try to be quiet?!" Jimin yells from outside the door.

[emcon-imagines]

what would daily life in the post-snap world look like?

life in the post-snap world thoughts/ideas (that i’ll definitely be using when i get to that part in my oc work but i wanted to post now askdf) also if anyone feels inspired by this tag me lol i want to read!!

Weeks go by where you don’t know who survived and who lived. You call hospitals. Check social media. Text friends. 

Months of confusion as supply chains are disrupted. Blackouts. Trash collection stalled. Storms come and no one is around to clean up.

Gathering names through word of mouth, writing the names down in a notebook, a page for those that lived and a page for those that didn’t

You spend weeks searching for someone who witnessed your friend get dusted just so you have closure and know they’re actually gone

And reconnecting with acquaintances who lived and becoming closer simply out of survival and a need for connection

People posting under the tag #stillhere on social media so loved ones know they’re safe

But it’s eerie how quiet social media is, people’s pages just going radio silent, their last post overwhelmed with survivors’ grief in the comments

A hotline is set up but it’s immediately overwhelmed and 911 is practically defunct

And government response is partial at best. They try to get a census out, but there’s not nearly enough organization for it to be helpful.

Entire blocks of the city covered in missing persons posters. You try to memorize the faces, but there are too many.

Going on a ton of long drives, just to see other people and other parts of your city

Your college takes forever to put out a statement, some students just up and leave in the meantime

So many people just pack up and leave. You have no idea where they plan to go.

If you’re in high school, school just sort of ends for the year. You return a few weeks later to gather your things that you left behind on the day of the Snap.

Showing up to work the day after the Snap, realizing your boss isn’t there, sitting at your desk for a few minutes while other coworkers shuffle in, and then collectively deciding to go home

Visiting your friend’s house just to sit on their front porch and pretending like they’ll be out any minute

Not opening the last Snapchats they sent to you because you don’t want them to disappear

Of course you’ve heard of the Avengers, and though you look to them for guidance, they seem to be as lost as you are

All your favorite shows and sports teams have gone off the air

Some sports leagues pulling up players from the minor leagues, but it’s not the same without your favorites

And it’s so hard when shows go back on air and shows have to explain the loss of half of their main cast

Lots of tough tribute episodes come out of that era of television. Tons of cancellations are announced.

Two months after the Snap, SNL returns to air once, also a tribute episode. You cry.

Two days later, Sesame Street airs an episode on "adapting to change." Half of the cast is gone. Mr. Noodle is without his brother. Elmo misses Big Bird. You cry even harder when you see your little cousin that's moved in with you post-Snap watching it.

Seeing commercials on TV and wondering how many of those people are gone now

The quiet, the quiet is the worst part. The highways, the skies, the airwaves, everything is quiet.

Hangouts with your remaining friend group, where mostly everyone just sits in silence around a bonfire

Or driving around, walking in the woods, talking about the friends you lost

Substance abuse out the wazoo

People you went to high school with posting crazy conspiracies on Facebook

When school does return in the fall, it’s hard to tell how many were Snapped and how many couldn’t bring themselves to return

For high schoolers, the grief is tangible in the halls on the first day of school. Classes are tiny, the lunchroom is only half-filled. Your school comes up with a stupid motto like “Stay Strong” or something that makes you feel even worse

High school seniors are pushed to start applying to college and so many end up just deferring for the time being

And tons of colleges have to change their application packet because things like the SATs and ACTs are still unorganized and aren’t administered

Homecoming feels like a funeral that year and the homecoming game is super emotional

Using “with everything going on” as an excuse for why you didn’t do your homework, or make it to work, or forgot a responsibility and people understanding exactly what you mean

Lots of people living with relatives or friends in makeshift households

The New York Times putting out an entire edition that’s just the names of the lost

Lots of local newspapers following their lead

It becomes a regular section in newspapers as stats are updated

fucking charity concerts man

[badapricot]

Lovely Writer: Special 1

This is a rough translation of the first Lovely Writer special. There are 8 in total and other side stories that the author compiled. I’ll try to post 1 a week since they do vary in length, and some are a lot lengthier than this one.

This special is from Nubsib’s POV and it’s about Nubsib remembering his feelings for Gene after seeing him on Facebook, and becoming fixated. Nubsib is 15 at the time and Gene is 20.

At that time, I was in the ninth grade.

Since middle school, my parents had sent me to study abroad with my brother. Because of the wealth of my family, this was never an inconvenience. But living alone in a place that wasn’t your home country required a lot of adjustment, mainly doing everything on your own. You had to learn things that you’ve never seen and known. 

This was one of the methods of teaching the sons of the Thanakitpaisan family.

It was their luck to have a son who was mature since childhood. It didn't take long for me to get used to the culture there, where I went to parties, attended sports clubs, worked a part-time job, and even had typical American teen sex. Being Asian did give me some advantages, when it came to distinguishing myself from the others.

I could only smile when talking to the many blonde women who bragged about our experiences in bed, amongst their group of friends. After some time, I felt differently about it.

"Sib.”

"Yes?" I leaned back on the sofa, and raised my head from his screen when I heard my name.

Neung came downstairs. He was wearing a thick gray cardigan with a scarf. "I’m going to go meet a friend. You're not going anywhere today, right? "

"Hmm."

"Okay, I might be coming back late. Please get my package when it arrives. You’re not going out with your girlfriend, right?”

"We broke up.”

"Huh?” Neung frowned. "You dumped another one? Again? You know, you don’t have the face of a womanizer.”

"…"

Neung opened the door of the house. For a moment, the cool outside air blew in, until the hot air from the heater disappeared. I didn’t care much about either, and stayed looking at my phone screen.

I’m not a womanizer.

It’s just that every time I got together with a girlfriend, something felt wrong. I knew I wasn’t in love with the first girl. The others, I didn’t like particularly much. Sometimes the girls didn’t like me much either, and only wanted a partner themselves, so we’d eventually separate.

It was true, that I was only in the ninth grade. But sex here was too normalized. It had become so normal that I’d become bored. When sex became so commonplace, all excitement was lost.

Mom: (send picture)

Mom: I’ve sent you Thai ingredients that should be delivered soon. They’ll be waiting for you.

Mom: Today, I went to see Aunt Run, do you still remember the house next door? Today is the Aunt's birthday. All of her sons have come home.

Mom: I saw it and I missed you and Neung.

I looked at the message that popped up, from the other side of the world. It was dark here, but over there it was probably in the middle of the day. It was time for them to eat.

Mom: Do you remember Gene? Gene and Jap are all grown up.

Gene?

After reading my mother’s message, it was natural to think of the past. I missed it. During my childhood I would run and play with him everyday, and just the same, Gene would play with me almost every day.

I still remembered “P’Gene” clearly after all these years.

We were five years apart. But we somehow became closer than me and my own brother. Since I moved out of the house, we never saw each other again. We didn’t have any more contact with each other.

When my mother talked about that time, I felt nostalgic.

I moved my finger to type to ask for a picture from my mother. In the end, I sent a simple sticker. I sat on the sofa in the living room for awhile before retiring to my bedroom to shower.

In my warm bedroom,  so different from the night air outside, I picked up my phone again. I went to Facebook to catch up with everything back home. My finger kept scrolling through my news feed, my face blank. I started to feel sleepy, but before I could fall asleep I saw a status.

I wasn’t friends with the person who posted. But I was friends with his mother, who was tagged in the photo.

Jap Jarernpipat posted a picture.

This year, my mother has lost another year, haha.

In the picture was a group of six people. The background was a wide garden and a long table. Both of my parents, and Auntie Run and Uncle Teep were there. But the one that most caught the eye was the man in the lower right corner.

The other person grinned until his eyes were crescents. His hands were raised, flashing a peace sign. His hand held a cake tray with a delicious golden egg. The corner of the mouth was stained with white cream, like he was teasing someone. He was smiling, which made his cheeks round and full.

I couldn't take my eyes off of him. For a second, there was a strange numbness in my fingertips and toes.

I didn’t need anyone to tell me who that was.

P’Gene.

He was still wearing a white uniform shirt. It had been many years since we’d met, if counted by age. Gene would have been in university for three years.

Usually, I was the kind of person who didn’t care about the people around me, or anyone else. But this time, I couldn't control my fingertips. I clicked onto Jap’s Facebook page.

Chasing him down, I found a status posted with the person I was looking for tagged.

Jap Jarernpipat posted a picture

My brother brought me to the movies. What kind of crazy alien movie is this? I might puke, but maybe you guys on Facebook will like it.

The post was from three days ago. One was a picture of a cinema ticket on the top floor of a department store in the heart of Bangkok and the other was of P’Gene in a T-shirt and jeans. He hugged a bucket of popcorn. His hand was holding a large glass of water, lifting it up to his lips and sucking. It was a funny candid photo that many of his friends on Facebook commented on to make fun of him.

...but for me, the only word that came to mind was “lovely”.

I didn’t know why I was doing this but I pressed “save that image”.

Jap Jarernpipat posted a picture

My stupid little brother, you make the whole house look bad.

They were in a garden in the corner of the house that felt familiar to me, but was a little fuzzy. They were in front of a flower bush that had been trimmed into a square. Gene was sitting down, with his butt on the ground. A blue hose fell next to him, the hose spraying in another direction. It made him wet all over soaking his shirt, the thin material clinging to his body.

Both of his arms were behind him, to support his body. Therefore, his shirt and body were stretched, so I could see two small nubs contrasted and poking through his white shirt.

My eyebrows furrowed together, and I frowned.

I cursed when my body immediately had a strong reaction, just from the one picture.

I pressed the comment section, when I saw the high number of comments.

Jiranon Jarernpipat: Jap stop posting pictures of other people.

(Reply) Jap Jarernpipat attached video clip.

I clicked play immediately.

"Ow, P’Jap!”

“Hahaha, why would you say you’ll help me water the plants? You can help if the grass is dead.”

“Can you turn off the water for me first? Why are you recording?”

P’Gene raised his white hand. He wiped the water from his face, and pushed himself off  the ground. His shirt clung to his body, so I could see everything. He had the voice of a man, but he was still so cute.

Finally, the clip ended.

There were still a lot of other videos that Jap posted pranking Gene, all of which stopped me from becoming bored. I saved all of them to my phone and computer. In the end, when more and more accumulated, I created a whole separate folder.

That night when I fell asleep, my brain was filled with pictures of the boy next door, who I hadn’t seen in years.

Another morning, days later, I woke up frowning, and I had to gently breathe out. I’d dreamt of P’Gene again. Since seeing that picture that night, there hadn’t been a day where I could go without seeing his face.

I knew Gene’s Facebook. But he didn’t update much, except to change his avatar or cover photo. But Jap’s Facebook page had tons of pictures of Gene. So I was still able to look at Gene’s pictures and progress in life everyday, like some kind of psychopath.

Even when I closed my eyes to sleep sometimes, I still saw his pictures.

I didn’t want to be this way, but I couldn’t control my subconscious.

I always saw Gene lying in my wide bed. He would smile at me, his cheeks soft and reddish. His hands would hold on to me, and his mouth would gently say, “Sib.”

It was a fantasy that any teenage boy would have. But it wasn’t a woman. Instead, it was the boy next door, who always loved and saw me as a brother.

I circled back to look at his pictures every day. In the end, the feeling accumulated like a huge mountain of snow.

I want to meet him in real life.

I want to hug him.

I want to smell him. 

I want to kiss his mouth. I want to do to him what I do in my dreams.

Since the day I saw his picture and until today, my thoughts and feelings had become more and more intense. So intense, that sometimes I was afraid of myself.

I’d already decided how I’d deal with this.

“Will you finish school here?” Neung had packed all his bags and was ready to go because he finished his studies. I leaned against the door frame, looking into his room.

“Actually, it’s nice here too, you know.”

"No, I'm going home."

“So you’ve changed your mind then?”

I nodded.

“Well, our house is nice and of course, our parents miss you too.”

"…"

"I'm not going to be here anymore, don't bring any women into the house...but you're not dating any girls lately. So it's fine."

I sent off my brother, who took a taxi straight to the airport to go back home to Thailand. Personally, I still had a year to complete my studies.

In the past, I had never thought or worried about how fast or slow time would pass. But now, I felt jealous of my brother.

Back at the house, I picked up the phone. I was still for a while. Maybe it was because Neung had returned to Thailand, but I felt like chasing pictures wasn’t enough anymore. My fingers moved before I could decide to send a message to someone.

Nubsib tanagijpaisarn: P'Jap.

Nubsib tanagijpaisarn: Do you remember me?

I wanted to talk to someone who could tell me everything about P’Gene. 

I wanted to learn everything about him.

[shadowfae]

We’re all pretty aware that the tumblr otherkin community is at a huge decline; I was wondering if you have any theories as to why that is?

American Protestantism, the decline of queer oppression in North America and the AIDS crisis, helicopter parenting, web 3.0, morality politics, and  Tumblr’s porn ban; roughly in that order and rolled up into one bombshell that was a few years in the coming but nobody really saw it and understood it until it was far too late.

That was a mouthful and probably only made sense if you follow current cyberpolitical theory. For some of you reading this, as with every other hot take I have this has a chance of being passed around, that alone is enough. But for others who had no idea what I just said and need the ELI5 version, let me explain that. Buckle up, this’ll be a long one, and will go into fandom history a bit as well because it is actually relevant.

As we know, tumblr is a very American-centric platform. Twitter is also this way, but less so, but tumblr has it bad. Now, I’m ‘lucky’ in the fact that I’m Canadian and a twenty minute drive from the American border, so that puts me in the ‘privileged’ majority. (I say privileged because I’m not really sure what else to call it. Most of the information going around about politics either directly affects me or indirectly affects me approximately one or two links of contact away. Someone who’s only influenced by American politics because it makes their sister’s online friends sad is not going to be privileged in that way.)

This means that American politics and their social climate overwhelmingly affects tumblr’s social climate. This also bleeds through into other fandom spaces, on twitter, instagram, and Pixiv to name a few places; but here’s where I spend the majority of my time so here’s what I’ve witnessed.

America’s main religion, as far as I understand (from the raised agnostic and currently neopagan view I have), is some weirdass capitalistic-Protestantism that is so many miles from what the actual Bible says that if I were a betting man and knew more about cults than I did, I’d say it’s some weird fucking cult and never set foot in the country again for any reason that isn’t gaming free shipping through a PO box. If you have no idea what I just said but are at least vaguely familiar with Christianity, this graphic explains it pretty well. So we can see there’s some glaring issues with that ideal.

The decline of queer oppression and the rise of queer rights in North America, which is to tenderly include my own country but we all know when people say ‘in NA’ they mean ‘America, and Canada where it applies because the right-wing Republicans are really good in the propaganda department to convince everyone that Mexico is a drug-lords-and-anarchy wasteland to the point where even I don’t actually know what’s down there other than bad drivers and heat’; means two things. One, it’s a good thing by a long shot and do not mistake this as me thinking queer oppression being lessened is a bad thing. But two, it means that thanks to the AIDS crisis, queer folks lost a lot of first-person sources as history.

The queer elders in NA who survived are typically either a) bitter anarchists who are often POC, probably still dirt poor and do recreational drugs or b) university-tenured TERFs (trans exclusionary radical feminists). Category A are the people who Republicans have deemed worthless in every way, because racism, queerphobia, ableism, and all the other ways to be wrong and different and Evil that they can’t handle, because Jeezus would never want them to actually learn to love someone who wasn’t just like them, and they don’t have the compassion to do better. Category B are the people who want to be different in just a teensie little bit, typically with TERFs they want to be lesbians, but they don’t want to challenge the status quo. They’re fine with the way things work, they just want to be on top oppressing others over ripping the whole damn thing down and building a more forgiving system.

Now, due to all those ‘isms and the cheerfully malicious aid of the Republicans, pun not intended but drives home the cruelty of it all, we also see the rise of helicopter parenting. The invention of the internet did not really help this. Basically what you’ve got is a whole bunch of parents who saw the civil rights movement, just got access to the internet and things going viral, know the world is changing, and like all parents, they’re scared for their children. Now instead of parents knowing one or two people in their classes who just went missing one day and everyone assumed they ran away, they hear about eight homicides in the city of kids going to parks at night and dying. The Satanic Panic was another event around this time that contributed to that, but I’ll let you research that one.

This means that all of these parents, instead of doing what their parents typically did and let their kids wander off for the day so long as they’re back by sundown, they can’t let their children out of their sight. There might be a freak accident where their child is decapitated on the playground swing! Their baby might get murdered by an evil Satanist walking home from school! Their dearest darling might go online and tell their address to someone who’s got a 100% chance of being a pedophile who will show up and kidnap them in the night!

…You get the idea. 

Combine those three things I just established, what we’ve got is a lot of queer kids who have a lot of internalized shame for being different and wrong, because they’re queer, and they can’t find spaces offline to be themselves, because all of the elders who would do that are dead and/or inaccessible and their parents won’t let them go to any clubs that aren’t school-related, which they’ll never find a GSA or queer club because Republicans, ‘isms, propaganda, and the war on Category A queer adults have all done their best to ensure that those spaces don’t exist.

So you have a generation of kids who I am the youngest of. The first generation on the internet. The late Web 1.0 (usenets and Geocities) and early Web 2.0 (livejournal was the big one, ff.net too, also 4chan but fuck those guys) generation. What we were taught was: trust nobody on the internet with your real info no matter how much you like them, this is a wilderness and any crimes that happen won’t be punished or seen so don’t put yourself in a position where you’re going to be the victim of one, and everything you put online is never getting taken down so don’t put anything up that you’re not willing to have on the front page of your local newspaper.

This worked out pretty well, actually! You had kids who knew that if they got in trouble, there was no backup coming to save them. Because the form that backup might take - parents and police - wasn’t going to help. Best case, they’d be banned from their friends and online support groups for being queer. Worst case, they’d be jailed and put in juvie and conversion therapy and turn to drugs and become evil Satanists just like everyone says they secretly are already. So they learned very quickly to take care of themselves. Nobody was going to save them, so they learned to not need saving.

And then, well, Web 2.0 shifted to Web 3.0. Livejournal died because parents - the Warriors for Innocence was the big name - went “gasp how horrible my children are being exposed to the evil pedos and homosexuals they’re going to do drugs and die of AIDS!”. Which is uh. It’s filled with a lot of bigotry, and I’m not excusing them - absolutely I am not - but you can kind of see where they’re coming from, if you tilt your head and squint.

Either way, LJ died, tumblr took its place, Facebook was fast taking off, and the fandom folks who had seen mailing lists go inactive, web admins take their fanfic sites down due to copyright, entire fandoms burnt to the ground in flame wars, said ‘fuck that we’re making our own place’ and that’s how AO3 got made.

That’s important. A lot of folks move to AO3, because well, the rules let them. The rules say ‘you can throw literally anything up here so long as it’s fan content and is not literally illegal, so we don’t get taken down’. It’s a swing for the first generation internet users, those kids who know this place is a wilderness and are carving out our own sanctuary.

But. The children under us. The children for whom AIDS is a nightmarish fairy tale, for whom the ghost stories are conversion therapy, for whom know they can’t really talk to their parents about being queer but can trust they probably won’t get kicked out over it. The children who haven’t spent ten seconds without supervision except online, and their reaction isn’t ‘oh thank god I’m finally free to express myself’ but ‘if I get in trouble, who will protect me?’.

And there’s nobody there. Because we went in knowing there was no backup. And that was fine. But now, the actual adults have figured out that hey uh, maybe we should make cyber laws? Maybe we should make revenge porn and grooming children over the internet crimes? And they grew up with that. They grew up learning that no, even if your parents are suffocating and controlling, they’re always be there for you! Some adult will always be there to protect you!

That isn’t the case. It’s not. But they expect it, because it’s always been done for them. They don’t really want to change the status quo, because that means doing it themselves. They can’t do that, because they don’t know how, they’ve been controlled for every single part of their lives thanks to helicopter parenting and without that control, they don’t know how to keep their lives together, and they demand someone come and control it for them, without restraining them.

Effectively, they want someone to ensure they never face the consequences of their actions. Helicopter parents will rescue you from whatever you did, because you’re their precious baby and it doesn’t matter if you punched a kid, you can do no wrong and the other kid clearly started it.

But being queer is doing wrong. Being queer is something Jeezus doesn’t approve of. So they want to make it something he could approve of! But if it’s too off what they consider to be okay, if it’s too different and weird and wrong and evil, that can’t do, that’s still bad, and they’re precious angels, and children, and minors, why are we the adults not protecting them and letting them see it? Why aren’t we being just like their parents  but queer-friendly, why aren’t we protecting the children?

The adults who taught us were the children of those who died as a result of AIDS. The eldest of my generation knew some of them personally. My therapist’s younger brother died at 20 of AIDS, and she told me what it was like. But they don’t have that. These kids of web 3.0, they don’t have that. What they have is over-controlling parents, and the expectation that someone will always be there to protect them but hopefully in ways that don’t hurt them this time, no real understanding of why Category A queer elders are the way they are, and so much internalized shame that they have to do some pretty fancy logic-leaping to keep them from collapsing entirely.

They can’t turn into Category A queer youngsters, because they don’t know how to unravel the system around them, because they’ve never had to actually make choices in their lives and live with the consequences, because they don’t have the example of how to do it. They can’t unravel their internalized shame because again, that’s hard and they don’t have their parents to take away the consequences and pain. It doesn’t come easy to them, so it may as well not come at all.

But, you ask, if Category A queer elders aren’t around to teach the kids, then how are they learning anything positive at all? Well, Category B, our university-tenured TERFs, who don’t want to change the status quo but want to just be at the top of it instead.

For a lot of kids who don’t know how to make hard choices but want to be queer, this is an extremely attractive option. But when they go online to queer spaces, a lot of them say fuck terfs, we don’t support your hate, and they go ‘yeah okay that makes sense’. They can say fuck terfs without ever actually questioning why terfs are bad. They’re Bad and Evil, just like drug addicts, just like fairytale nazis, just like the evil homophobes.

And we saw them say ‘yeah fuck terfs’ and we were like, ‘aight you got it’ and we never questioned if they actually understood us. They didn’t. They didn’t, and we didn’t do enough to fix it, because not enough of us realized the problem. So terfs got a little sneaky. They hid behind dogwhistles and easy little comments, hiding their rhetoric in queer theory that you’ll absolutely miss if you just memorize it and never actually question it and understand why that point is being made.

This goes back to America sucking, because their school system is far more focused on rote memorization over actual logic and understanding of the text. They’re engaging with queer theory the way they’ve been taught, which is memorize and don’t think, don’t question. Besides, questioning and understanding is hard. Being shown different points of view and asked what they think is not only hard but requires them to go against all of the conditioning that says to just listen and agree and never question it, which goes back to tearing the system and internalized shame down, and we’ve established they can’t do that so naturally they don’t do that.

This begets, then, the rise of exclusionary politics. They’re turning into Category B queer youngsters, because we told them ‘hey that’s a terf talking point what are you doing’ and they never questioned why. They learned you can do all sorts of things, just don’t say X, Y, or Z, because they never thought deeply about it.

The children who have grown on Web 3.0 do not want to do any heavy lifting to make things easier for themselves long-run. They want to do as little as possible and have things get better for them. There isn’t enough of us left in Category A, because Category B terfs are very good at recruiting young folks and Cat. A is overwhelming poor, dead, and easily dismissed in the system as evil and bad, so we can’t exactly convince the young folks to listen. If all of the young kids could agree to tear down the system, a lot more older folks might listen. Change always starts with the young, and there’s a reason for that.

But Republicans have figured out, if you get people fighting, they never put together a force that can actually stop you. TERFs, who want the exact same thing as Republicans but with themselves on top, are doing this to queer youth, and Cat. A elders can’t fight back because there isn’t enough of them and the odds are against them, and the young folk like me who follow their lead.

People can kinda handle gay people. It’s not so far from the acceptable normal that it’s impassable. But you want them to handle kinky people? Gay people of colour? Kinky gay people of colour? Trans people? Those are bridges too far to step across. The original idea was to get the foot in the door with marriage equality and inch our way through with racial equality, sex positivity, dismantling ableism and perisexism (forgive me if that isn’t the word for anti-intersex ‘ism), and see if we can’t patch up the system instead of inciting a civil war over this and have to tear down the system entirely.

Well, we might’ve managed that if not for AIDS being the perfect ‘Jeezus is killing all the evil gay people for being sinners’ propaganda machine. As it stands now, not a chance in hell. So long as Republicans and terfs keep everyone fighting, nobody has the power to dismantle their empire, and they stay in power.

So then, you ask me, “Lu what the fuck does that have to do with the decline of otherkinity on tumblr???” and now that you’ve got all that background knowledge, here is your answer.

Those children who want their experiences curated for them and the evil icky content they don’t like to be gone because it disgusts them and anything that disgusts them is clearly sinful problematic and should be destroyed, are what we call ‘antishippers’, or anti for short.

They like being progressive. Sort of. They learned what Republicans and terfs have honed to a fine talent: keep people fighting, hold them to a bar they have to constantly make or risk being ostracized, and harass the people who don’t play along into getting out of your sight forever. Sound familiar?

They learned of otherkinity, and particularly fictionkind, because web 3.0 means if something goes viral on one site, it doesn’t just go viral on that site, it makes it to worldwide newspapers and twitter and nobody ever, ever fucking forgets it. They realized the following: “Hey wait, if I’m this character for realsies, not only does it help me deal with the internalized shame I’ve done nothing to actually fix because that takes work, I can also tell these people who draw gross content I don’t like they’re hurting me personally, and that actually sounds credible, and I can shame them into stopping”.

If this is your first time here and that sounds sickening, it damn well should, and I am so, so sorry that any of us had to witness this, and I am more sorry I and everyone else who personally witnessed this didn’t realize what was going on and put a stop to it. I answer asks and browse the tags and clear up misinformation and it isn’t just a genuine desire to help. It’s damage control, and my own way of trying to deal with the guilt of not stopping this. I’m well aware I couldn’t have seen it coming, I was a teenager myself still learning and no one person has that much power. I still feel like I should have done more, and I’ll do what I can to fix what’s within my power to fix.

So back to the story. This all culminates around 2016 or so. Trump wins the election, and every queer person ever knows they’re fucked, and the younger generation’s only ever heard horror stories, never seen actual oppression that this could bring. We’re all scared. We all don’t know what to do. Nobody has any answers or any control over the situation.

So they lash out. They attack others for drawing things they don’t like, for challenging them in literally any way, for asking them to reconsider the vile shit they just said, for so much as defending themselves from the harassment they just got. And when challenged, they yell “But I’m a minor! A literal child! How dare you attack me, clearly you get off on this, you evil pedophile!” and they sling around every insult in the book until one sticks. Pedophile is a pretty good one, so is abuser, and sometimes zoophile works out too. Freak is great, everyone gets right pissed off about it.

The fact that Category A queer elders were called pedophiles and freaks is not a fact they know or care about. The fact that they are quickly making every fandom community super toxic is also not a fact they care about. The fact that the ‘kin community has words and terminology and they actually mean shit, and the fact that they’re spreading misinformation faster than we can keep up with, are not facts they care about.

So they come in, take our terms, make it impossible for us to find new folks. They realize our anger is easily a power trip, because we’re already made fun of, so they get off on the little power they can find and make fun of us too, and then when we get rightfully annoyed and pissed off, they can hide behind being minors.

Then tumblr implements their porn ban, because nobody’s stopping them, because it isn’t profitable to have porn on here. Considering most of the otherkin community, and most fandom communities, are full of adults who do occasionally talk about NSFW things, and the fact that they’re just banning everyone who so much as breathes wrong, this begins the start of a mass exodus, scattering already fragile communities to twitter, pillowfort, dreamwidth, and a few other places. Largely, twitter, where you can’t make a post longer than a snappy comeback and where the algorithm is literally designed to piss you off as much as possible.

So community elders have largely left, because they can’t stand the drama and the pain of what’s happened, and that’s if they didn’t get banned for being kinky furries who do talk about how their kintypes merge with their sexuality. Most community members have also left or stopped talking about being ‘kin, because they get associated with antishippers and toxicity and it’s just not worth it. Those of us who are left get drowned out by misinformation and trolls and wishkin and antishippers who appropriate our terminology because it supports them getting a power trip, and whenever we argue, we get called pedophiles and freaks and worse.

And now there isn’t much left. I hope we get to find a better place. Othercon was a good place to talk about it, I did a whole panel (it’s on Youtube!) about what we want to do about it. But I don’t really have any answers. 

But to sum it all up... America’s political climate ultimately culminated in destroying queer spaces, and we survived, and then people who wanted to destroy smaller communities to get on top showed up and we were all but defenseless against something we had never, ever dealt with before on this scale.

One of my twitter mutuals mentioned how kinning and otherkin are now completely separate communities. It’s really the best I can do to keep hoping that continues, until nobody realizes the words are at all connected to each other. It’s the best anyone can hope for, now. I hate it. I hate every part of this. But maybe we can salvage what’s left.

[bills-bible-basics]

Where is My Facebook Comment? https://www.billkochman.com/Blog/where-is-my-facebook-comment/ Sometimes, after making a comment under one of my graphics on Facebook, people become a little confused, offended, or even angry, and they will say something like "Where is my comment? I can't find it. Why did you delete it?" However, what some of you need to be made aware of, is that things are not always what they seem. Allow me to explain. First of all, I very rarely ever delete comments from my Facebook friends. If and when I do that, it is usually because a person has been or becomes very disrespectful, combative, argumentative, or because they have posted something which I strongly feel is contrary to the Scriptures. If they persist in their negative activity, I will warn them a few times. But if that doesn't work, then I will either unfriend them so that they can no longer comment on my posts, or else I will block them altogether, if the situation merits it. The bottom line -- and this applies to every single person who owns a timeline, page or group on Facebook -- is my page, my rules. If you can't respect the rules which I have established and adhere to them, then please just don't comment, or leave, unfriend me, or do whatever you feel you need to do. Having said that, as I have been explaining for a number of months now, there are times when your comments will indeed disappear. However, it is NOT because I removed them. Here are the facts. Since October of 2019, I have been repeatedly harassed by Facebook. I have been forced logged off, locked out of my account, forced to upload my personal ID, forced to change my password, and forced to jump through Facebook's security hoops literally dozens of times, to the point of being absolutely ridiculous. But something else that Facebook has been doing a lot of in recent months, is actually removing my posts from their platform. I am talking about many dozens of my posts being deleted because they supposedly go against Facebook's "Community Standards". Actually, a better name would be Facebook's "Liberal Community Standards". I know that many of you fully understand what I mean by that. But the point is, when Facebook removes my posts, that means that all shared posts -- meaning my posts which you share on your own timeline or page -- all likes, and all comments likewise disappear. They are gone, as if they had never existed. So that is one big reason why you may not be able to find your comment. There is another reason why people become confused, and think that their comment has been deleted. It has to do with the fact that I make the same posts on my timeline, on my page, and in the BBB group. In other words, in three different places on Facebook. Of course, if you are commenting on one of my posts while you are in your news feed, you may not realize exactly where your comment is being posted. It is for this reason that if you visit my timeline, page or the BBB group directly, you will notice in the cover image that it says "You are here:". This will be followed by "BBB Timeline", "BBB Page" or "BBB Group". That is obviously so that you know exactly which one of the three you are visiting. So what does all of that mean? It means that when you comment on one of my posts in your news feed, you need to look carefully, and note exactly where you are posting. Stated another way, if you make a comment under one of my images which is on my timeline, and then later visit the BBB group and see the same image, you are NOT going to see your comment there. Why? Because you did NOT post your comment under the image that is in the BBB group. You posted it under the image that is on my timeline. So you see, if you do not understand how Facebook works, then you will erroneously be led to believe that I have deleted your comment, when such is not the case at all. You are simply looking for your comment in the wrong place. There is yet another reason regarding why you may not be able to find your comment.

If a person is the first individual to write a comment under one of my status updates, and if you -- or anyone else for that matter -- comes along later and replies to their comment, if for some reason the first commenter decides to delete their comment, then all replies to their comment will be deleted as well. Again, that is just the way that Facebook works. Perhaps they do it to avoid confusion. But whatever their reasons, I have no control over it. Now do you get it? Great! Now carry on! :) https://www.billkochman.com/Blog/index.php/where-is-my-facebook-comment/?feed_id=101897&_unique_id=654aa9c231bc6&Where%20is%20My%20Facebook%20Comment%3F