#had to get that thing i needed off amazon and i was like HMMM is there anything else i need...

[six-of-ravens]

broke my "no black friday shopping" mandate BUT only to get T. Kingfisher books so. it doesn't really count does it.

[suzukiblu]

Heyyyyy, who wants the expanded excerpt of that one WIP of mine with transfemme!Kon, two glorious and terrible Amazons, and familial soulmates that's behind this here read-more?? (( tw: internalized misgendering, unintentional misgendering ))

Kon just saved Lex Luthor's life, so that's kind of weird and unfortunate. Like, he's perfectly aware that Kal would've wanted him to do that and would've done it himself if he hadn't been too busy bashing on the robot minions of the latest morally dubious AI to need dropkicked out of Metropolis, but also now the whole stupid world is gonna know he's the kind of dumbass who wastes time saving Lex Luthor. 

Specifically, wastes time saving Lex Luthor in the middle of a situation that has at least an eighty-five percent chance of being Lex Luthor's own goddamn fault, just to really rub it in.  

Look, somebody had to have programmed that morally dubious AI. 

Kon can't even enjoy the fact that Luthor's currently knocked out on the ground and both of the dude's super-hot and allegedly Amazonian bodyguards are on top of him. And considering that the one's all buttoned up in a sexy chauffeur uniform with semi-sheer stockings and the other's wearing a black minidress and strappy gold stilettos under a trenchcoat, and that they're both at least six feet tall and built like, again, actual Amazons, that is a lot to not be enjoying. 

. . . although actually, he can't help but notice, they're weirdly not his type despite the fact that they're both absolutely gorgeous and also the fact that he pretty much just described the stars of at least the last three pornos he watched. 

Very weird, Kon thinks, then attempts to get out from underneath said porn star bodyguards. The chauffeur-looking one–Mercy, he thinks her name is–cuffs him upside the head, then pulls out a gun that he cannot even imagine where she was hiding and takes aim at the nearest robot. 

"Quit wriggling, brat, you'll throw off my aim," she orders, and then starts firing. 

"Aren't you supposed to be a fucking Amazon?" Kon demands incredulously. Since when the fuck do Amazons use guns? Since when is that a thing? 

"I am also not too stupid to see the benefits of high-velocity rounds," Mercy replies dryly without missing a shot. Every robot she hits immediately explodes. There is literally no reason a normal handgun should be causing that reaction, so Kon's just gonna assume that's not actually a normal handgun. 

"Always with the high-velocity rounds," the other bodyguard–Hope, Kon's pretty sure?–snorts as she strips off her trenchcoat and reveals a truly improbable amount of absolutely flawless muscle packed into that skintight minidress that Kon, again, finds bizarrely just . . . not hot, somehow? And neither is Mercy's narrow-eyed look of concentration or the fact that they're both still on top of him. 

Maybe he's coming down with something. 

Admittedly, he's pretty sure they're only on top of him to keep him pinned down to be a useful meat-shield for their currently unconscious boss's much less invulnerable body, but Kon has found people who were repeatedly bashing him in the face with an I-beam or just straight-up about to murder him hot, so . . . yeah, definitely coming down with something. There's really no other explanation. 

"Hmmm," Mercy says, eyeing the swarming robots that are very aggressively beelining for their position. Like, these robots are way too interested in their position for this whole stupid situation to not in some way be Luthor's fault, in Kon's opinion. "We need to clear some space." 

"Then you should've packed a bigger gun," Hope says dubiously, dropping her trenchcoat on Kon's head. 

"Fuck's sake," Kon mutters, then flattens his hands against the pavement, grabs every robot he can reach at once with his TTK, and rips them all to pieces in one burst. 

It's not easy, but he at least nails a pretty respectable amount of them, so he's got that much. And also, like, about a hundred-yard radius without anything that's trying to murder them in it. So that's nice. 

". . . huh," Hope says, tilting her head. 

"You're welcome," Kon snipes. "Can I get up now?" 

"No," Hope says as a fresh wave of robots rushes them. "Do it again." 

"Whatever," Kon mutters, but he does. He's got better shit to do right now than argue with alleged Amazons of unexplained origins. Taking out as many damn robots as possible, specifically. 

"That's convenient," Hope observes, inexplicably dropping a hand onto the back of Kon's neck and squeezing . . . approvingly, actually? "Good job, kid." 

And that, bafflingly, still doesn't do anything to his dick. 

Okay, so he's probably actively dying of radiation poisoning from, like, some kind of new stealth kryptonite that Luthor has in his pocket or whatever. Luthor would absolutely be the asshole to have stealth kryptonite in his pocket right now, ungrateful prick that he is. 

Kon really doesn't have time to be worrying about that right now, though, so he just grabs another group of robots with his TTK and does what comes naturally as Mercy keeps firing at the ones in the air overhead and Hope keeps her hand on the back of his neck. It . . . still isn't doing anything to him? 

Except it sort of is, just . . . not in a way that makes sense. 

Kon really doesn't have time for this. 

Mercy reloads her handgun. Hope squeezes the back of Kon's neck again. Rubs the pad of her thumb across his pulse, the gesture more absentminded than anything else. 

Kon feels weird. 

Then he rips apart every single fucking robot left on the ground. 

Which is . . . a lot of robots. 

Like. Way, way more robots than he actually should've been able to get a grip on. Or even reach. 

"Uh," Kon says, blinking stupidly. 

"Damn convenient," Hope says, then gives his neck a neat little pat of appreciation before dropping her hand away. Kon does not examine the part of himself that misses it, mostly because said part has literally nothing to do with his libido and he just can't make that fact make sense. "Mr. Luthor? You with us?" 

"Not at the moment, no," Luthor mutters from the pavement, pushing himself up carefully and dusting his suit off with a mildly annoyed expression, like they're not currently in the middle of a half-destroyed city block while innumerable robot minions and Kal and Kara are all throwing down in the sky overhead. "Hn. Is there a reason the two of you are perched on one of Superman's pet teenagers? The more annoying one, even?" 

"Convenient bullet-catcher," Mercy replies dismissively, shooting down a couple more of the aerial robots. 

"Also surprisingly obedient," Hope muses. 

"Asshole, I literally just saved your life and fucked up half an army of shitty robots to keep it saved, and as for you two, I did your fucking jobs for you, and all three of you are all gonna be shitheads to me about it?" Kon demands in exasperation. "Seriously?" 

"Seems like a reasonable source of entertainment for the afternoon," Luthor says, idly watching Mercy shoot down a few more of the airborne robots. "Given that Superman's being inconsiderately dull and not getting himself punched nearly hard enough." 

"Let me the fuck up already," Kon says flatly. 

"Oh, that hit was a slight improvement," Luthor says musingly as he gets to his own feet and finishes dusting himself off, clearly far more interested in watching Kal get knocked around by the aerial robots than anything else. Kon flips him off on principle. Mercy pistol-whips him for it. It doesn't really hurt, which bemuses him enough to lay off the rude hand gestures. She's an Amazon, probably. Almost definitely. Either way, she definitely could've made that actually hurt. 

So that's weird. 

Actually a lot of weird has been happening in this whole stupid interaction, really, which is what Kon gets for saving fucking Lex Luthor's life. 

Something explodes really loudly in the distance, which is probably the command center that Steel was supposed to be dealing with because all the remaining robots jerk violently and then drop out of the sky like rocks all at once and crash into the ground. Which–thank fuck. 

"Hm," Mercy says, holstering her gun as she glances around the smashed-up street and finally gets off Kon. "We might actually make your three o'clock, Mr. Luthor." 

"Unfortunate, given that I'm fairly certain my three o'clock is good ol' Brucie Wayne," Luthor says dryly. Hope gets up too and, absolutely inexplicably, offers Kon a hand up. He's so fucking bemused that he actually takes it, and she pulls him to his feet. "That man is absolutely unbearable." 

"Mmm, I don't know, Hope and I usually find Mr. Wayne good for a bit of afternoon delight," Mercy drawls, sounding amused. 

"Ew," Kon mutters reflexively as he lets go of Hope's hand and makes a face. Then he wonders what the fuck kind of kryptonite that stealth kryptonite is, because picturing two dangerous and gorgeous Amazons making a sandwich out of a slutty Gothamite playboy shouldn't be making him say "ew". Like, that is very literally the last thing that should ever be making him say "ew". Ever. 

Seriously, what the fuck. 

Luthor looks back over at them. 

And then he frowns. 

"Hope," he says. "Mercy." 

"Yes, sir?" Hope asks. 

"What the hell are those?" Luthor says. 

Hope and Mercy frown too. Then they look at each other. Look each other over. And . . . pause. 

"Oh," Hope says. 

"What the fuck," Mercy says. 

Kon has no idea what they're all frowning about, but whatever. An annoyed supervillain and his annoyed bodyguards are not his also-annoyed problem, at least not as long as they're not actively trying to murder Kal or blow up Metropolis or whatever. He's just gonna go make sure everybody he actually gives a shit about is okay, and then get back to–

Hope and Mercy's frowns deepen, and then they both flick their eyes towards him. 

"Bullshit," Mercy says, her eyes narrowing. 

"What, do you think it was one of the drones?" Hope asks dubiously, raising an eyebrow. 

"He's a damn man," Mercy says accusingly. "Worse, a damn boy!" 

"Excuse you?" Kon says, bristling reflexively. He's technically eighteen, okay? Or at least the rough equivalent of eighteen, whatever. 

"I will say, not quite what I pictured for either of your types," Luthor says, looking Kon over with an unimpressed expression. 

Oh, gross. 

"Annnnnd I'm out," Kon says firmly as he lifts off the ground, because Lex Luthor just checked him out and he needs to go gag now. And like, scrub the entire memory from his brain. 

Hope grabs his shoulder and shoves him back down onto his feet. 

"You're our soulmate, kid," she says matter-of-factly. Kon . . . blinks. 

"The fuck?" he says, and Hope points down at herself. He looks. There's a soulmark wrapped halfway around her right thigh, which is . . . weird, actually, because he doesn't remember her having a soulmark there earlier, especially not such a big and flashy one, and . . . 

What the fuck, Kon thinks. He looks over at Mercy and sees the exact same soulmark showing through her stockings in the exact same place on her own thigh. He doesn't remember seeing it there before either. 

It's . . . well, it's a soulmark, he guesses. It's gold–like, several different shades of gold, but all of them metallic and gleaming. He can see the shine of the mark even through Mercy's stockings. It looks like a mosaic of a stylized sun, all intricate rays and bright circles and interlocking shapes, and it takes up a hell of a lot of real estate, going all the way from just above their knees to who knows how high up under their skirts. It's . . . well, it's pretty. 

Actually, it's beautiful, and Kon kind of wants to touch it. To touch both of them, more specifically, ideally at the same time. 

And still not in the pervy way. 

So that's a bad sign, definitely. 

"Take your pants off," Mercy orders impatiently. 

"How about 'hell no'?" Kon says, because yeah he has literally no sense of shame or self-consciousness but Luthor was just eyeballing him like a weirdo and he very much does still want to go make sure nobody he gives a shit about got fucked up by a morally dubious robot or anything. And like–okay, fine, apparently he has soulmates and apparently those soulmates are both drop-dead gorgeous Amazons, but like . . . he doesn't actually give a fuck right now, and also they both work for Lex Luthor, so that kinda doesn't bode well for any kind of long-term relationship or whatever anyway? Like, this is very much about to be another Knockout scenario. Knockout in stereo, even. 

Ugh.

"I said take your pants off," Mercy repeats in annoyance. 

"Again, hell no," Kon tells her. 

Mercy grabs for his belts. Kon dodges her. 

"Hey!" he says. Mercy glowers at him. Hope folds her arms. 

"It's obviously him, Mercy," she says with a sigh. "We haven't touched anyone else but each other and Lex in at least an hour, and any of us would've triggered a mark long before now." 

"He's a child," Mercy bites off. 

"I'm eighteen, kind of!" Kon protests indignantly. If he had to forcibly lose sixteen-odd years of his natural lifespan, at least people could fucking acknowledge him as a fucking adult. Like, is that too much to ask?

"You're two," Luthor says dryly. "'Kind of'." 

"Oh, fuck you," Kon snaps, scowling at him and also not sure how he feels about the fact that the fucking weirdo actually knows how old he is. Like, why the fuck does he know that? 

"A literal child," Mercy says witheringly. "A literal child is our literal soulmate. In a V-shaped triad, of all things!" 

Honestly, if somebody'd told Kon half an hour ago that he had two soulmates and said soulmates were a pair of smoking hot older women dressed like professional escorts who could both kick his ass due to being unconfirmed Amazons, and he was the focal point of their V-shaped triad? He would have very literally needed to go have a lie-down until he recovered enough to get some bloodflow back to his brain. And it would've had to be a very, very long lie-down. 

Right now, though, it's just like . . . a thing, he guesses. A very weird thing that makes absolutely no sense whatsoever, as far as he's concerned. 

"Well, he'll mature," Hope says resignedly. "Theoretically." 

"Oh, that's a turn-on," Mercy snorts. 

"Look, whatever, I'm not into you two either but I'm not being a prick about it, am I?" Kon says in exasperation, folding his arms. 

The other three all pause. Then they all turn their heads to look at him. 

"You're not?" Luthor says, sounding mystified. "What, neither of them?" 

"Not that it's any of your damn business, but no," Kon says, wondering what his life has come to that he's actually answering the asshole supervillain right now. 

". . . you know, you could just come out to Superman, it's not actually necessary to so aggressively pretend to be straight," Luthor says dryly, raising an eyebrow at him. Kon, again, wonders how and why this weirdo knows anything about him, much less enough to have an opinion about his sexual orientation and the way he expresses it. "I mean, you'll have to put up with him 'validating your identity' every five minutes, I'm sure, but he isn't going to disown you or whatever nonsense you're expecting." 

"I'm bi, asshole, and I am out to Superman," Kon says in exasperation. Who, admittedly, did kind of spend a couple months validating his identity every five minutes after he came out to him, but that's neither here nor there. "It's possible to just not be into someone." 

"But you're not into either of them," Luthor says, eyes narrowing in consideration. "And they're your soulmates." 

". . . oh gods," Mercy says in horrified realization, putting her hands over her face and staring at Kon through her splayed fingers. "Hope. Hope, are we fucking parents?!" 

". . . huh," Hope says, tilting her head. 

Kon blinks at both of them. Then stares at both of them. 

"Are you high?" he says incredulously. "There is literally no damn way!" 

"Really? Because it'd be one thing if you weren't sexually attractive to either of them yet," Luthor says, still eyeing him assessingly. "You're barely past jailbait, physiologically speaking, and that's frankly being generous. But neither of them is sexually attractive to you?" 

"It's possible to just not be into someone!" Kon protests again. "That doesn't mean they're my moms, for fuck's sake! It could just be, I don't know, platonic or something! Or a sibling bond!" 

Not that those options aren't just as weird and doomed as a romantic bond would be, obviously, but at least they'd make more sense than a parental one would. 

"Amazons only get sister bonds, brat," Mercy says dubiously, which Kon guesses makes sense but also makes him feel a little–never mind. Never mind how it makes him feel. 

He doesn't like how it makes him feel, though. For reasons that he's just . . . not ever gonna examine. 

Ever. 

"Yeah, well, last I heard nobody ever proved you two were real Amazons anyway," he snaps back defensively, clenching his fists at his sides. 

"It's adorable that you think we care what anyone else thinks," Mercy snorts, rolling her eyes. 

Kon very literally cannot imagine just not caring what anyone else thinks to that degree. Like–not ever. 

Must be nice, though.

[zushigirl]

Fall (Aka The Repairman WIP)

Continuing @ninzied tag game! It took me a while to find this one in my WIPs…then I decided to finish the story 😆 Enjoy!

“It’s only eighty degrees!” Karen rolls her eyes playfully at Foggy.

“Only eighty degrees!?! Only eighty! Karen -” Foggy holds up a limp piece of paper from the copier. “It’s so hot in here the paper is molting!”

“Alright! Alright! I’ll call the air conditioning guy back.” She spins on her black heels as if she can’t escape the break room fast enough.

Foggy sighs, wiping the sheen of sweat off his brow. He wishes Matt hadn’t stayed on vacation in LA after that swanky legal conference was over. He needs those super senses right now.

Something is going on with Karen and he can’t figure out what it is…

…Or why the air conditioner is such a point of contention.

When the AC went out in mid-June, Karen jumped on the task of getting it repaired.

Combed through Yelp and Google reviews like she was their office manager again - not the firm’s PI. After she’d narrowed it down to her top choice, Karen did what any self-respecting millennial would do: She made an appointment with the AC company online.

Foggy was sure he’d return from LA to a cool and comfy office - not a humid, oppressive Amazon jungle.

It was…weird. Karen’s not the type of person to let things fall by the wayside.

(Though he was impressed with the indoor plants Karen bought to decorate Nelson, Murdock, & Page in his absence. There’s a tall fiddle leaf fig tree in the waiting area, some pathos hanging from the bookshelf, and the vase of white roses on Karen’s desk is a nice touch.)

“Thank you,” he calls out to her closing office door. Silence except the sound of Karen rummaging through her purse for her cell phone. Then…

“Hey…”

He can hear her talking to someone, but the tone sounds…odd. How he wishes Matt was here to eavesdrop.

Two days later, Foggy walks into the office at 7am and practically dies of shock. Karen is already there: She’s leaning against the break room counter watering the nearby spider plant. An iced coffee and a single white rose are shielded by her purse – as though she tucked them away in hopes he wouldn’t notice.

***

He pretends not to; he has more important things to discuss…like the state-of-the-art Dyson Pure Cool fan in the corner.

“Where did that…Why…Why are you here so early?”

“The air conditioning guy came by. He needs a part to fix our unit. Left us the fan in the meantime.”

“But it’s seven in the morning.”

“He had a full schedule.”

She says it so matter-of-factly that Foggy decides to drop his interrogation. He just nods and goes over to the filing cabinet to look up the notes for his upcoming deposition. It isn’t until an hour later – as he’s basking in the blessedly cool breeze of the Dyson – that he realizes how early the repairman must have stopped by.

“Karen…?”

“Hmmm?” She’s sipping her iced coffee, scanning through a stack of files.

“Nothing.”

He returns to his case preparation. So what if his friend flirts to get the AC fixed. Who is he to judge.

***

It isn’t until later that evening – when he pops in the bodega by Marci’s apartment to get some tomatoes for the spaghetti sauce he’s making her – that Foggy begins to suspect the cause of Karen’s absentmindedness.

Whatever Happened to the Punisher?

The New York Bulletin headline glares up at Foggy from beside the register.

Suddenly he remembers that summer day Frank Castle’s face was all over the news for escaping Metro General. He remembers Karen walking into the office half a day late with no shoes on. It’s been…however long it’s been since then doesn’t matter. The day still holds significance for Karen.

***

Two nights later, he runs three blocks back to the office; he almost forgot his apartment key in his desk drawer. Foggy can feel the humidity sticking to his skin and it makes him irritable. The new silk shirt Marci bought him will need to be cleaned and not even stepping back into the office will provide relief.

When the hell is that air conditioning guy going to…

-

-

-

Foggy stops short as he opens the door to the lobby. The first thing that hits him is the cold feeling of circulating air. The second thing is the sight of tools strewn by the AC unit. The third thing…is the realization that a broad-shouldered man in a black t-shirt and jeans is cradling Karen’s hand to his cheek.

Upon hearing the door open, Karen and the man both jump up from the couch.

“Foggy! I…this…our AC is fixed!” Karen’s face is so red she might as well have been at the beach all day.

He bobs his head, eyes blinking at the air conditioning guy.

“Counselor. Good to see you.” Frank Castle’s deep voice is still as scary as ever, but the slight pink blush of his neck helps Foggy relax some.

“I…you. The papers said you’re dead. But you’re not…You’re…here…with Karen.” And now Foggy wants to die.

Castle gives a small chuckle. “I made a…big career change…couple months back. Buddy of mine who's good with tech stuff help me set up my website…And…yeah. I’m with her as long as she’ll let me be.”

Foggy doesn’t miss the hopeful look the former vigilante shoots Karen.

Karen – composure regained – smiles. “Give me a ten percent discount and you’ve got yourself a deal.”

To his surprise they both laugh. He smiles at Karen – happy to see her happy – as pulls up a chair.

There’s a story behind all this and at least Foggy has a cool, comfy spot to listen as his friend shares.

[alltheotherblogs]

Hitting things that aren't punching bags, and wishing I could go to an amateur boxing gym.

I punch hard. Really hard. I always have. I punch so hard that I've broken three punching bags! Well, my luck ran out first. There were no more free punching bags being offered on FB marketplace, lol. Then, my patience ran out.

I wanted to train, badly, and so I did! Despite having nothing to punch anymore. I decided to make due with shadowboxing, the lonely lack of a sparring partner, and just do my very best even though I knew it wasn't enough. It's needless to say that being self taught as a boxer and fighter in general is fairly unheard of, welcome to the gatekeeping. In the world of fighting sports, lacking a proper trainer kind of means you're fucked, and trainers cost money. One day, I go outside to do my runs! I run a course I made in my back yard which goes up and down hill. But, every time I go outside during the spring, summer, and fall, I always check for still-water sources that could breed mosquito's, they are a rampant problem in my area. That's when I notice these unused unmanaged rain barrels sitting under a tree not even collecting rain... I punched it. It was perfect.

I found two tires, filled the base one with dirt, and put the rain barrel on top, making it sort of average human height. (However I'm quite tall, by most standards.) I later made adaptations by tying it to the tire securely so it wouldn't fall off. And, after about a month, I have yet to break it! It's made of a flexible grooved plastic, so it's structural integrity is quite high. I just feel bad because I hit so hard that whenever I punch it, it makes this LOUD drumming sound! Over time, I've been able to sort of train myself in certain guards by shadowboxing and how to hit by striking the barrel! I'd like to put something on top to sort of give the barrel a head, and make it around my height. But I don't have anything sturdy enough that won't also break my hand. But, that takes me to the point of this post...

Unfortunately, I don't have infinite robux to magically pay for a gym membership, I don't even have a job right now. I lost the best job in the world to unfair business practices, and have been looking and getting turned away ever since, rather unfairly might I add. Hiring practices are really trash in todays modern america, and it reflects on just how many jobs have denied me despite me being an ideal candidate. "Have you been to prison?" "No." "Have you ever murdered anybody?" "No." "Hmmm... Are you a man of a particular skin color?" "Yes." "Oh, sorry Mr.Others we're gonna have to pursue other candidates." I'm sure that my race and sex are a contributing factor at this point, because people don't just turn down a cleaner with over a year's experience for an entry level position in favor of some woman whose been to jail six times. I've applied to a lot of jobs, workshopped my resume, work doesn't come in, I get nothing. I need to start calling small businesses, cause at this point I'm certain that everywhere is like Amazon using racist and sexist hiring practices.

Regardless! Back on topic, self taught fighters are very much gatekept from getting a boxing license. I'd like to call around and see if anywhere is hosting a tournament I can sign up to for free, but the area I live in isn't exactly boxing central. It'd be difficult to find anywhere that'd let a gymless boxer fight, and as far as I'm aware most gyms that host tournaments gatekeep said tournaments. Don't get me wrong with what I'm saying, a trainer DOES HELP! It makes a huge difference! But you have to realize that there is a certain point when a fighter just understands things. I had a trainer, you know? For most of my life I've had trainers. But, there comes a time when other things take priority in a mans life. Living the way I do, I can't just do boxing. It isn't that simple. This results in needing to make time to do things! I happen to be free right now, I happen to be out of unemployment funds, I happen to need stuff to do and have a determination to be fit and ready to fight... So I'm using my free time to do that instead of being depressed and just sitting on my ass like "I wish a gym would accept me for free wah wah." We've seriously come a long way from the days of fighters getting picked up off the street. But, I can't help to think, if I was born just a few years earlier, I could have a lot of money by now and be investing in my hobbies. I do want to pro fight in boxing, kickboxing, and maybe eventually MMA. But, I recognize that it isn't likely I ever will get THAT far, even though I trained in MMA for a large portion of my life. If I can just do the boxing, I'll be remarkably happy and pleased with my life, I don't care what my career looks like on paper, as long as I had fun and did a fraction of the things I know I was born to do.

There is a certain point where a persons individual skill makes them qualified to do something regardless of if they've been to school for it or whatever. A mechanic can get a job working on cars without an automotive engineering degree, so long as they've worked their way up with experience. Boxing isn't a science, it's a branching path of something we all instinctually have in us; The want, nay, the need to fight. To remain fit and be confident we can protect those around us. To stand above all others. I was born a few hundred years too late. I accept that, and accept that I like the world I'm in now. But what I can't accept is that everywhere I look it is being ruined or held off from me by limits out of my control. It's like living in a Perfect Hell, a hell so perfectly devised that everything I truly want is always JUST out of reach, like a carrot on a stick. It's refined me, made me so perfect that I just KNOW what I want and how to get it now. I can plan out a month of spending like nobodies business, and organize my schedule like it's tetris. So, the only thing actually holding me back from being independent, exploring my hobbies, and having a good life... Is the fucked economy. This is why I don't trust democracy anymore, albeit our democracy is a shallow fucking shell of it's former self, and very corrupt. They either need to go the full distance and mandate politicians to pass IQ tests, and not be too fucking old and disgusting, or just do a full stop on all the shitty rules and let everyone vote for whoever they want, and let anyone who wants to run RUN under whatever party they want. I'm not gonna get into that, I fucking hate politics, it's a bastardization of philosophy, and a sad sad husk built by fucking idiots to look sophisticated. "Oh well why don't you make a better system then?" I FUCKING DID! I WROTE AN 80 PAGE PAPER ON HOW TO MAKE A PERFECT FREE COUNTRY. NEWS FLASH MOTHERFUCKERS, IT JUST WORKS! DON'T FUCK UP WHAT ISN'T BROKEN. Ahem, excuse me.

If things were how they should be, and not stupid to a comedic extent, I'd be a pro boxer right now slowly working my way up the light-heavyweight class. But, we don't live in a perfect world.

Don't be afraid to go out on your own and do what others won't step up and do for you. Pursue your passions like you mean it.

[kinetic-elaboration]

May 4: Today's Rabbit Hole

I avoided falling asleep after work but it was a very close call. I was feeling myself about to drift off on the couch and then I remembered something I was researching at work and decided I wanted to get back into it and that woke me up. Then I forced myself to make dinner, and now I need to quickly shower and go to bed.

Anyway, the thing came up because I talked to my co-worker who always digresses, and he immediately digressed, and at some point I told a story of finding a publication in my dorm as a freshman that was like a student-made dating guide and how it was such a random but fun find in a completely unexpected place. I remembered it as a student pub from my college and because I know work in a library I was like, hmmm, I wonder if it has been archived properly. We tried searching for it on their primo site but came up with nothing.

I started doubting I was even remembering right, so I texted R, who remembered some different details but confirmed the existence of the publication generally.

In looking for it, I went down a real rabbit hole looking through my alma mater's Special Collections site and into its institutional repository too (not because I thought the thing would be there but out of curiosity), which was interesting but not helpful. I eventually figured out what collection it might be in, based on where a known student publication was, but I had no idea if it was there because the collection was only described generally. The main problem with archive searching.

So then I went back to broad searching. I tried world cat, nothing. Then back to primo and actually searched, like, properly, because I actually do know better than to just put general keywords, or even a possibly mis-remembered title, into primo and then scroll and expect anything useful to show up because lmao. I tried a couple different advanced searches with keyword combos and got nothing and THEN I tried "dating guide" and the years I thought it probably was from (somewhere between 1960 and 1969) and the first thing I came up with was a New York Times article about it, which surprised me considerably. But it gave me the whole back story. It wasn't students from my school who made it, it was students from other schools, who then sold it for cheap. It was apparently a mini-sensation: the NYT article, articles in various newspapers, and in Time. In a way, I actually feel like it's more amazing it was just sitting there in 2008 or whenever and we found it and read it. It's from 1966. Presumably it was in the dorm since 1966. And it wasn't produced on campus so it wasn't one of 100s lying about. In my research, I also attempted to find a copy of it somewhere, and I got nothing. A listing on Amazon that was unavailable, and on a used book site that had already sold, and nothing else. It's probably/hopefully archived with the schools that helped produced it but I don't know for sure. Getting a personal copy in 2023 would be pretty well impossible as far as I could tell. So even though the story wasn't what I thought it was, it still seems like a magical sort of historical event.

[btsinwonderland]

A Drop of Poison - Ch. 7: Missing

A Loki fanfiction!

Previous Chapter --- Next Chapter

Full Chapter List

---------------------------------

It was your third time getting denied access to the infirmary. You stood there and created such a ruckus that Volstagg, the head of the infirmary, came out of the room to address you.

“What is all this bangin’ about?” he said, rubbing his thick orange beard and looking at you questionably.

The blonde-haired boy at the front desk scowled in your direction. “She was told last night that we are currently not allowing visitors, but she won’t listen.”

You threw him back a venomous gaze and took a deep breath, ready to present your case. “My friend Valkyrie was injured at yesterday’s game and I have to see her! She fell nearly thirty feet and nobody has told me a single thing about her condition. She could be dead for all I know and -“

“She’s over here. For the love of Merlin, please stop talkin’,” he said, leading you into the infirmary.

You smiled at the blonde boy and followed Volstagg through the door, into the infirmary. There were many more beds than you remembered seeing before. It seemed the room itself had elongated to make room for how many injured students there were. They bunked the beds to four levels and house-elves apparated between patients to provide care to those still healing.

There was one boy with a crooked looking arm that frightened you. He was sleeping on the third bunk of his bed group. Another girl had bandages around her eyes and was sitting up, scratching her pet rat between its ears. You gulped at the damage that was done, realizing that you had gotten off lucky.

Volstagg led you to a bed with the curtain drawn around it. It surprised you that Valkyrie got her own little section of the room.

“Thor brought her here in a mad fuss. She broke both her legs but should be fine in the mornin’,” Volstagg said. “You stay here as long as you need to, not a second more, understand?” He looked at you pointedly.

You smiled at him. “Thank you, sir.”

He grumbled away and left you alone. Valkyrie laid there with her eyes closed, and a bit of sweat on her brow. You walked over and drew up a chair beside her and took her hand. Using the back of your robe sleeve, you patted her forehead to get the sweat off.

“Hmmm, Professor?” she said.

You laughed. “Unfortunately, it’s just me,” you said.

Valkyrie smiled, eyes still closed. “I suppose you’re an alright consolation.”

“Are you okay?” you said, petting her hand.

Valkyrie opened her eyes and looked at you. The dark brown irises were rich, though the whites of her eyes had reddened from fatigue. “Oh stop it, I’m not on my deathbed, Freya. Volstagg gave me a mending brew, said I should be all better by the morning! Tastes like piss though.”

You laughed too loud, and it earned you a shush from a nearby house-elf applying ointment to a gash on a student’s arm. “Professor Odinson was quick to get you, though,” you said with a mischievous smile.

Valkyrie smiled. “I can still remember the feeling of being in his arms. Though the amount of pain I was in did block out most of it and made it slightly less romantic than I would have hoped…”

Footsteps approached, and you saw Professor Odinson stop at the foot of Valkyrie’s bed. “Freya! Volstagg couldn’t keep you out, eh?”

“Hell no!” Valkyrie said, shooting you a winning smile. Despite being bedridden, she was extraordinarily beautiful. You smiled back at her.

Professor Odinson reached over and adjusted the blankets by Valkyrie’s feet. She tried to sit up, but he gently stopped her by the shoulder and eased her down. “Take it easy, champ. We can’t have our captain injured again,” he said with a smirk.

Valkyrie looked at him with a devilish grin. “I do carry the team,” she said with a wink.

He laughed, and his gaze lingered over her lips for a fraction of a moment; you saw. You flushed when Professor Odinson looked at you and he cleared his throat. “Well, I won’t keep you two from catching up on your...girl talk or whatever it is you do.” He took out something from his pocket; it was a box of mini cauldron cakes which he shoved into Valkyrie’s hands. “Share these…” he said, leaving. “Heal quickly now Valkyrie, I won’t go easy on you when you return!”

“I wouldn't want you to, sir!” she said with a smile.

You grabbed a cauldron cake and took a bite, watching Valkyrie stare at Professor Odinson as he left. “Oh Professor, I’d love for you to go hard on me,” you said, in your best pleading voice.

Valkyrie snorted. “Shut it and don’t eat all my cakes.”

You both giggled and snacked on the cakes. Eventually, your thoughts drifted to a certain professor you were trying to avoid thinking about, but even amidst a beautiful flurry of chocolate and strawberry jam in your mouth, he still lingered.

After several more minutes of chatting, and another cauldron cake, you left Valkyrie to rest. The entire infirmary seemed to sigh with a sense of relief when you departed and you looked back at them with a scowl. You weren’t that loud...

It was still early in the morning, only ten o’clock, so you grabbed some breakfast before heading to your first Defence Against the Dark Arts class. You met Pom and Mo at the door, and the three of you took your seats.

A middle-aged man in a tweed jacket and a greying beard walked into the room, closing the door with a wave of his wand. “Welcome, students. I apologize for my tardiness this semester. I trust you have all been very well behaved and completed all your readings.”

He walked to the front of the class, through the aisle next to you, and you caught the musky scent of longrass and pipe smoke from him. “My six-month expedition in the Amazon was well worth it, though that is a story for another day. For now, we shall start on one of the spells in your readings. A shielding spell.”

You had not seen Professor Baldur since last year. He had been your Defence Against the Dark Arts teacher for half your time at Hogwarts. His demeanour was a cross between strict and friendly, wholly depending on what side of his temperament you landed on.

Professor Baldur opened up his briefcase and took out a brown paper bag. He reached inside and pulled out a red apple. “Now, Darwish, throw this at my head,” he said, passing the apple to Mo.

Mo looked at you and Pom before looking back at the professor. “A-are you sure, sir?” Some students whispered and giggled in the background.

Professor Baldur stepped back, giving Mo enough distance to hurl it and said, “yes, yes, come on now, throw! And someone be sure to catch it, I don’t want my lunch bruised!”

Mo wound up and flung the apple at Professor Baldur. Surely, the fruit would have landed squarely on his forehead had he not flicked his wand in a flash and yelled, “protego!”

The apple bounced off of a blueish glow around the professor and clipped another student in the shoulder, only to be caught by his neighbour. The class murmured excitedly at the opportunity to learn such a powerful spell.

Mo leaned over and whispered, “would have been useful to learn this one before those damned crows nearly pecked my eyes out.”

You nodded back in response.

“Questions?” Professor Baldur asked.

Pom raised her hand. “Does this spell work on more powerful things, like other spells? Can it cover more people?”

The professor took a bite of his apple and nodded with his eyes closed. “Yes, yes, it all depends on the user. Protego can be as powerful as a great wall, protecting an entire community! Or it can be as flimsy as a cardboard box.” He walked over to your desk and leaned over you, Pom, and Mo. “However, protego cannot deflect the unforgivable curses. For those you must block, dodge, or interrupt.”

Just then, someone rapped on the door at the back of the classroom and it opened to Professor Sif. “Everyone head to the Great Hall for an emergency announcement. Classes are dismissed for the day.”

You looked at Pom and Mo, who shrugged. You did not expect this to be a celebratory dismissal, and it caused an anxious lump to form in your chest. The three of you followed the rest of the students to the Great Hall and sat at your table. Pom stood at the Ravenclaw table and glanced around as if she were waiting for someone but eventually sat down.

Once the last of the students and teachers trickled in, the doors shut and the murmurs quieted. You looked at the head table and looked for Professor Laufeyson; he sat beside Professor Odinson with a grim expression on his face. Something looked off, more than usual; he seemed pale and tired.

Headmistress Frigga rose, and there was no trace of a smile on her face today. “It has been a strange semester thus far. From our dear Professor Hubert Rattowl’s passing and the unfortunate incident of yesterday’s Quidditch game. I am sorry to pull you from class today. But it is with a heavy heart I must announce that one of your classmates has gone missing.” There was a rush of whispers across the hall which Professor Sif shushed loudly, as the Headmistress continued. “The teachers and I are up in arms to look for the missing student. And as such, we have deemed it necessary to lock down Hogwarts for the month of October and possibly the rest of the semester. This means no going outside of castle grounds, no trips to Hogsmeade, and there is a new curfew of seven o’clock, post meridiem.”

There were several groans at this announcement. The Headmistress looked down at the students and clasped the edges of the podium. “Any students caught breaking these rules will be expelled and sent home immediately.”

“It’s the Dark One!” someone shouted. Then whispers erupted from every table, talking about his return and some even threw Professor Laufeyson’s name into the fire.

“Silence!” Headmistress Frigga yelled. “I will not tolerate gossip in my school!” She gave a gentler look after silencing the room with her commanding tone. “I know you are scared, as am I. However, we will not get through this if we cannot work together. Now is a time for Hogwarts to be unified and diligent. Take care of your fellow classmates and teachers. We must be both kind and cautious.”

Then, some of the other teachers took turns providing a list of their new schedules, particularly for the students engaged in night classes or other extra-curricular activities. You looked down at the table, thinking about what was going on. First the attack and now a student had actually gone missing. You looked back at Professor Laufeyson, but he was no longer at the table or in the Great Hall.

Professor Hogun walked past you towards the Ravenclaw table. He paused over Pom and put a hand on her shoulder. He then escorted her out of the Great Hall.

“What’s that about?” Mo said.

“I don’t know,” you replied, though the lump in your chest only tightened.

“I can’t believe we can’t go to Hogsmeade! I was looking forward to our annual butterbeer bash,” he said, crossing his arms.

You gave him a look, to which he only smiled and said, “the best way for coping with this distress is to have a nice butterbeer don’t you think?”

“Mo, I don’t think anything is going to calm my distress,” you said with a laugh. The dread in your stomach remained.

As you exited the Great Hall, you noticed Pom at the end of the corridor, with a few students around her. Her face was completely red, and she was sobbing. One of her friends hugged her and Pom buried her face in their arms and cried. You walked over to the crowd and tapped someone on the shoulder.

“What’s wrong? Is Pom alright?” You said.

The student frowned and shook his head. “The missing student...is Pom’s brother, Ken.”

Before you could even process the news, you saw Professor Laufeyson come down the hall. When the student you spoke to caught sight of him, he yelled aloud and lunged at the professor. A girl with braids held the boy back. “It’s your fault! It’s your fault he’s missing!” He nearly spat his words at Professor Laufeyson.

Professor Laufeyson looked grim, but maintained an impartial expression. “I don’t know what you mean. I am sorry to hear about our missing student. I hope they find him.”

“You’re the Dark One’s son! You’re causing all this to happen!” The boy said.

The other students gasped, and for a moment you saw rage on Professor Laufeyson’s face. Then Professor Hogun broke up the crowd and took the insolent student by the arm. “You do not speak to your Professor in that tone, Warren! Minus twenty points for Ravenclaw and detention!” He guided the boy down the hall before throwing Professor Laufeyson a disapproving glance, as if he agreed with the student anyway.

As the crowd dispersed, Professor Laufeyson left, and you hesitated for a moment before you followed him. You followed him down the corridor, past the library, until the hordes of panicked students thinned out to the point you were alone. “Wait! Sir!”

He stopped, arms crossed. “What?” he said, turning to face you. His face was a mask.

“Are you alright?”

He actually chuckled. “Why wouldn’t I be?” he said, shrugging. You walked up closer to him. He gave you an incredulous look, but you could sense something beyond it. Irritation. “It’s nothing I have not heard before. And I must grant that boy a touch of respect since he was brave enough to tell me what everyone else was thinking.”

You looked at him then, afraid to say what you wanted to say.

“And you wonder the same thing,” he said. A glimmer of disappointment in his eyes. “Just like the rest of them.”

That was not fair. “I’ve been trying to help you!”

He laughed again. “What makes you think I need your help?” He turned away to leave and you could not bear the frustration.

Your anger bubbled to the surface. “I saw you die!”

For a moment, his eyes widened, but he maintained his composure. “What?”

You breathed in and exhaled slowly. “I have a...gift, or at least that’s what Heimdall says. I have visions.”

He watched you curiously as you continued.

“I have these dreams, and for a long time, all I dreamed of was that blue cube - the Tesseract you called it - in the lake. It’s in some sort of cavern. I don’t know where. But then, before you arrived in school, I saw you, in my vision. In the cavern, with these strange creatures surrounding you.”

Professor Laufeyson looked at you with a sort of satisfaction, despite hearing of his death. “So that’s how you knew about the Tesseract,” he said, cocking his head to the side.

Your anger flared up again. “Hold on, did you act upset so I would feel bad for you and tell you everything?”

He raised his hands up. “Don’t take it so badly, at least I didn’t use any magic this time!”

You grit your teeth. This man was insufferable. “You just lie, all the time then?”

He walked towards you and put a finger under your chin as he leaned in to whisper in your ear. “People lie all the time, love, I just own it.”

You ignored the reaction your body had to his touch and stepped back. “Why do you want that cube? Does it have anything to do with the missing student?”

“You can thank my father for the missing student. I wouldn’t be surprised if there are more disappearances. Times are changing! As for what I want, you should already know that, seer. I can’t do your job for you.” He turned and walked away.

You were so frustrated you could shake him. “But you’ll die if you search for the Tesseract!”

He shrugged. “What difference does that make? Nobody cares.”

“I don’t want you to die.”

He stopped walking for a moment and turned his head slightly. “Then you’d be the first.” He said and left you standing there, alone in the corridor.

[utterlyinevitable]

1, 3, 7, 17, 33 for both E x B and E x O from the useful/fun character development questions for couples please! Thank you ❤️

> useful/fun character development questions for couples <

1. What, specifically, was the catalyst for their physical attraction (if applicable) to the other character? In other words, what in particular had them like “Oh, they’re…hot…”

Rebecca has eyes so that was the initial catalyst for her. She’d let Whoever this dark and stormy handsome giraffe was dick her down. 

Ethan won’t admit it but that evening of her first day when she bought him a drink is when he would really let himself be attracted to her, if only for 15 minutes. Then undeniably after the Dolores case he was fucked. That night he inquired about her tattoo at her wrist and she told him the story behind it. Not only was the ink hot but also her mind behind it.

Ethan was initially attracted to Odette that first day, she has all the qualities of women he normally entertain. But then she seemed really put off by him and that kind of turned him off a bit. He started getting the stirrings again after her trial towards the beginning of book 2 when they became more friendly - who else would he occasionally text on his sabbatical besides his dads? The way she just cared for him and treated him like a person and not like just a mentor or the man on the pedestal everybody believes him to be. She intellectually spars with him but in the most delightful ways and that gets him in his feels. She just seems to be always there. The whole Louise drama is when he solidified that he’s attracted and has romantic feelings for her. 

One day at impromptu brunch they’re talking and laughing and the light is hitting just right and Ethan is smiling and looking at her and something in her just kind of melts. In that moment she knew that they were much more than they were pretending to be.

3. By contrast, what was the moment that first made their ~heart~ Soft for the other person? Not necessarily a conscious realization of “I love this person,” but a moment that had them like “Oh…I adore them…”

The feeling of total adoration hmmm... 

Ode was after her trial and they were having a drink and just a good time maybe? They’ve both been through a lot the last few weeks and they’ve come out of it as friends. 

Ethan after seeing everything she did for Naveen and for him was a start to this girl being a fixture in his life. He became very fond of her then. But the big smack in the head (or to the heart) was the Louise drama. He couldn’t have come through without her, and she didn’t need to be so sweet nor did she need to be taking care of him again. But she does. Because she’s always there, and she cares. Even if she doesn’t say it, even if he’s still quite sure that she cannot stand him most of the time, she’s by his side holding him up. 

Odette really couldn’t tell you when she went from I know this guy is my friend I’ll keep him to I know I like him much more than my other friends. I’m assuming it would be at some point during all of the events they go to together and just all the time they spend together. Where she starts slowly, gradually falling for him in deep adoration. Most notably hitting her heart is when she gets the keyboard - that changed everything. Followed up by the night of the charity auction where they just walked around the local area of Boston and grabbed a bite to eat at a dive they both joked they needed to make up for in the morning, in their formal get ups and just had a lovely evening.

Rebecca fell in deep adoration with him in the moments they spend pouring over Naveen’s case. His passion and they way he talked about medicine with bright eyes and a crooked boyish smile had her heart melting. These moments were also just theirs - no one knew they were spending all this extra time together. 

Is it weird to say Ethan realized he adored her whilst in the Amazon? Distance makes the heart grow fonder and whatnot. Which is also why he’s a total asshole to her when he comes back - he needs to fight this feeling with anger. Repress repress repress! 

7. Do they (or would they) pursue the other character’s affection, and if so, how? Do they tell the other character how they feel? Try to earn their admiration? Woo them with romantic gestures? Flirt with them, skillfully or otherwise?

Becca continually pursues Ethan even when she’s ‘seeing’ Bryce - her heart is always with Ethan. She tells him in not so many words but she refuses to say I love you. That’s one thing she will never let him have hanging over her head - she’s embarrassed herself enough by believing him again and again that saying the words out loud could break her/them. She wants it to be his choice if they’re going to be that romantic with one another. She flirts with him naturally and not artfully most times. And Ethan takes it all; he enjoys it even if he knows he can’t go any further than these little quips.

Ethan doesn’t pursue Becca’s affections (he says, he caves a few times and refuses to acknowledge them). He pretty much denies them at every chance he can throughout second year and the beginning of first. As long as he’s employed at Edenbrook they can’t be anything and he stands by that. But then the toxin happens and he can’t not pursue her. Not anymore. Not since she broke up with bryce for him and he shut her down again. Not when she nearly died in his arms. Although he doesn’t want the affections at the beginning, he seeks it out so he flirt with her. Meets every one of her attempts with a half smile and does all he can to pull laughter from her. If he can’t be with her the least he could do is bring a bit of joy.

With Odette, Ethan is the one to pursue his own affection with that kiss and all the little friendly things that become staples in their lives. He doesn’t believe he’s ever actually blatantly flirted with her, everything just came so naturally. 

Ode is completely oblivious to Ethan‘s affections until he kisses her. Well, she had an inkling only because Sienna told her that nobody buys that expensive of a keyboard for simply a friend. While Ode agrees, she doesn’t want to believe it. So she doesn’t. She doesn’t think she pursues any sort of affections for him. But she does. In the way they spend time together, in the way that they talk and subtly flirt and spend all their free time together. In the small gifts of admiration and trinkets they bring to one another just to see the smile.

17. Under what circumstances would they want to be left alone by their partner?

OxE: After an argument or a stressful situation. They’re both quite introverted and need alone time (both) or silence (ethan) to sort through their thoughts. Odette also likes to have alone time once a week - a few hours in an afternoon to just be in herself. She hates the quiet though, so there’s always music playing in the background or something on Netflix. 

BxE: Ethan wants to be left alone when he has lots of work to do, or he’s had an argument with anyone. Whenever he’s feeling heightened emotions he wants to settle it on his own like he’s so used to doing. If Becca’s pissed or on her period she likes to be left alone. If she’s reading she needs pure quiet and will do that when he’s working in another room etc. 

33. Under what circumstances would they feel jealous?

Ethan has more protective jealousy. Of others treating Odette like a piece of meat/sexual object and her letting them. The amount of times she entertains random men who look at her wolfishly when they’re at events and never shuts them down (until they try to move things into ‘more’ territory). When she becomes really really busy with the app and they’re passing ships in the night he’s a little jealous of her professionally - wishes he could be part of this. but it’s hers. and he is part of it in a way. He’s also a little envious of her relationship with her parents. 

Ode isn’t a jealous person at all. She does too much into yoga and meditation for that. She just wants the best for everyone. 

Becca trusts Ethan but she doesn’t trust other women. When she and Ethan are in the early days of dating she’s insecure-ish and will playfully make comments that are meant to be a joke but rooted in jealousy - about how he’s too old for her, questions why he’s not with X, what he sees in Y or not in Z. The longer they’re together they have an unspoken game that ends up in some hot sex. But then the years go by and they’re too codependent. 

Ethan is jealous of her relationship with Bryce and a little bit of the guy she was dating in med school. He has personal doubts about them aside from his ethics and morals, like his age, how they don’t really have all that much in common, how much they fight. He’s more stuck in thinking about Becca’s potential with everyone that isn’t him - he’s afraid he’s going to fail/ruin her. 

[vixenpen]

Iida x Onlyfans

* At first he was apprehensive about joining onlyfans

* Ol "iT's dEgRaDinG tO wOmEn" head ass

* Until Midorya sets him straight : “Actually, Iida, sites like onlyfans empower women by providing them a secure platform to profit off of their work. These sites give men and women in this profession more agency to safely perform their jobs."

* Hmmm, well when he puts it like that, Iida guesses he can understand that logic.

* He starts slow.

* Finds a few models (with Midoriya's guidance) on IG.

* Surprised to see that some of them follow him already

* Actually finds you through the site: she freaky

* Baby is a blushing, stuttering flushed mess.

* Omg why are you so sexy???

* You're the first (and only) onlyfans he subscribes to. He doesn't need anybody else.

* Loves your JOI videos.

* One time he nutted so hard to your degradation/humiliation JOI vid, it got on his glasses.

* Groans and talks back when he watches your shit talking videos.

* "You want this ass?"

* "Yes god(dess)."

* "Well too damn bad. You don't fucking deserve it."

* "No I don't (god)dess."

* "Just keep stroking that needy, pathetic cock."

* "Yes (god)dess."

* Tips thousands in a week.

* "May I buy you this god(dess)?"

* Subscribes to your Amazon wishlist.

* You haven't had to buy new toys or outfits for months.

* Boo is so shy when he decided to finally send you his dick pic

* What it lacks in length (it's only 5.5-6 in) it makes up for in girth. That thang look like a pepsi can.

* We gon' stretch you out, out, out, out, out *Summer Walker voice*

* It looks so powerful to you.

* Sends him a glowing dick rating, but somehow still manages to be the condescending/degrading even while praising him.

* Baby is trembling with excitement. His god(dess) just praised him!

* With some encouragement, you get him to tell you all the things he would do to you if he could.

* At first you're giggling 'cuz he sounds so shy. Stuttering and questioning himself. Po' baby.

* Then he starts getting into all the ways he wants to make you feel good and you like: hol' up now...that do sound mad good tho...😫🤤

* Even though he loves being humilated, you seek him out just to have a nice chat. You guys can talk for hours and it never gets sexual. (intellectual not sexual) and that's even sexier to you than them thicc thighs he got.

* But you still wanna ride those thighs tho...and the D.

* He promises to tell you his identity in due time. And you're cool with that...kinda

[razieltwelve]

Leap (Final Rose)

“You do realise that you should probably have grabbed a parachute before jumping out of the transport.”

Yang smirked at Averia. “I figured I’d let you handle the landing.”

The pink-haired girl sighed. “Really?”

Yang did her best impression of Fang’s smirk. “Saviour bullshit, go!”

“...” Averia scowled. “I should let you hit the ground.”

“As if you would.” Yang grinned. “You like me too much.” She shifted in the air and extended her arms toward Averia. “So... help a girl out?”

Averia’s eye twitched. “You’re lucky that Ruby would be sad if you died.” She wrapped her arms around Yang. “I’ll handle the landing. I don’t feel like flying.”

“Aww...”

X     X     X

The team from Beacon Junior Academy was not having a fun day. A relatively easy weeding mission that should have involved fighting only the weakest of Grimm had rapidly gone to absolute hell. Now, they were holed up in a settlement with a horde of angry Grimm outside. They’d called in for reinforcements, but they’d been told that there weren’t any qualified hunter teams in their immediate vicinity. Instead, they’d be getting two students from the Senior Academy to help them out.

Just two? They knew the people at the Senior Academy were good, but there were a lot of Grimm out there.

And then two people just fell out of the sky.

One of them landed in incredibly cool fashion while carrying the other bridal style. Straightening, the pink-haired girl set the blonde on her feet.

“Heh.” The blonde smirked. “Nothing like hitting the ground at full speed and coming off with nothing more than a scratch.”

“Try not to make a habit of it unless I’m around,” the other girl replied. She glanced toward the Junior Academy students, green eyes taking their measure in an instant. “You must be the students. Report.”

There was something distinctly professor-like in her tone of the voice, and the leader of the students, Rouge snapped to attention. “Multiple Grimm outside the settlement walls, ma’am. We’re estimating at least a hundred with at least one A tier amongst them and multiple B tiers.”

“I see.” The pink-haired girl was wearing a suit, of all things, but she wore it so naturally that Rouge couldn’t help but admire the cut and style of the garment. “And your team?”

“We’re running on empty, ma’am.” It felt odd yet fitting to address the older student as ma’am. “But we can still fight.”

“I see.” The other girl nodded. “I want you and your team to take up defensive positions on the wall. Yang and I will go over the wall. Kill any that get past us.”

“You’re just going to go over the wall?” Rouge asked.

“Yes. We could fight a defensive battle, but going over the wall and killing them all is the simplest way to deal with the problem.”

“Relax, kiddo,” Yang added. “I know we’re students at the Senior Academy, but you’re looking at two of the best. Pinky over there is number one in our year.”

It was then that Rouge put the pieces together. Pink hair, number one ranking, and the ability to fall out of the sky and not die? That had to be Averia Yun-Farron. And Yang? That had to be Yang Xiao Long. Her teammates must have drawn the same conclusions because they were all staring in a combination of shock and admiration. The number one and number five from the Third Year of the Senior Academy were both here? Awesome.

“Right!” Rouge cried. “We’ll get any that you miss!”

X     X     X

If there was one thing that Yang enjoyed, it was punching Grimm. Of course, she also enjoyed kicking Grimm, stomping on Grimm, pulverising Grimm, and, well, anything that involved killing Grimm was pretty good in her book. 

A Beowolf leapt at her, and she ducked under its claws before caving its chest in with a punch. She allowed an older Beowolf to land a strike, so her Semblance could absorb the damage. With her increased strength, she turned the older Beowolf into a bloody smear before shattering the armoured plates of an Elder Beowolf with her gauntlets and then pulverising its torso with a right cross. A kick hurled another Beowolf back, its head ripped almost clean off, before a hammer fist crushed the skull of yet another opponent.

Showing off was one thing, but the best way to deal with this many Grimm was to just get things done the simple way. Small fry like these could only win by overwhelming her, so as long as she dealt with them quickly and efficiently, they weren’t really all that dangerous.

Out of the corner of her eye, she saw Averia doing her best impression of a killer robot. It was almost comical watching the other girl just decapitate anything that came within reach. One head was joined by another and another and another until they were just piling up on the ground.

“Someone’s feeling lazy,” Yang shouted as she jumped over a Grimm and then smashed its spine to pieces as it skidded past her.

“Efficient is the word you’re looking for.” Averia calmly decapitated another Grimm and then turned to kick the head at an oncoming opponent. As it staggered, she removed its head as well. “And you should be happy I’m not just killing them all myself.”

“How kind of you.” Yang was well aware that Averia could have simply killed all of the Grimm the instant they arrived, but this was a chance to get some practice in, as well as a good learning opportunity for the younger students observing them. Too many of the youngsters got into trouble by trying to be too flashy against the Grimm. Her dad had always told her to keep the flashy stuff confined to sparring. Against Grimm it was always best to keep it simple and efficient. The only safe Grimm was a dead Grimm.

Averia glanced ahead. The B tier Grimm had all been slain. The only real threat remaining was the A Tier alpha elder Beowolf. “Do you want to deal with that one?”

Yang took a moment to size the alpha up. It was at least twice as large as the elder Beowolves who had been twice as large as the normal ones. And it was A tier as well. Hmmm... “Sure. I’ll get it.”

As the alpha bellowed and charged, Yang rushed forward to meet it. They met in a storm of blows. It was fast, far faster than anything its size should be. It was smart too, using its superior reach to keep her at bay while only ever exposing the most heavily armoured parts of its body. Moreover, it had clearly been watching her fight since it was firing the occasional bony spike at her to keep her from closing the distance.

Yang, though, wasn't the same fighter she’d been when she first entered Beacon Senior Academy. She was in her third year now, only a year and a half away from graduating. She’d learned more than she ever thought possible, and her skills and power had grown in leaps and bounds. Two years ago, she wouldn’t have dreamed of fighting a foe like this alone. Now? This thing was already dead. It just didn’t know it yet.

She waited for the alpha to shoot another spike before she slapped the projectile out of the air. The sudden shock was absorbed by her Semblance, and she waited for the spike to fall back toward her before punching it and firing her gauntlet at the same time.

The spike rocketed back toward the alpha, and the Grimm barely managed to dodge. Yang used that split-second to close the gap. She ducked under the Grimm’s claws and then heaved an uppercut into its belly. The blow wasn’t enough to do any real damage, but there was enough force in it to knock the Grimm off balance. That was all Yang needed.

She lunged forward and drove one fist into the Grimm’s right leg. Her Aura surged and her Semblance flexed. The blow shattered the Grimm’s leg, and it toppled onto its side. Yang spun away from the Grimm’s retaliatory strike and leapt up onto its chest. She slammed two punches into the armoured plates that covered its chest, and the sharp, angry retort of her gauntlets was accompanied by the crack of breaking bone. 

The Grimm bucked and tried to throw her off, but Yang jumped into the air. Her Aura swirled around her, a golden mantle of power, and she landed fist first on the Grimm’s exposed chest. The shockwave of the blow cratered the ground beneath the Grimm and shook the area. Enhanced by her Aura, the shotgun slugs from her gauntlets turned the Grimm’s back into one giant exit wound.

The monster groaned, and Yang darted off its chest and grabbed it by the jaw. Bigger Grimm like this could often keep fighting despite taking wounds that would have killed lesser Grimm several times over. She punched it square in the jaw, and half its skull evaporated from the attack. She hit it one more time just to be sure and then flipped clear of its collapsing body.

“Heh.” Yang smirked. “That has to be at least a nine out of ten, right?”

“Hardly.” Averia grinned. “You could have killed it at least three seconds faster if you’d severed its head instead of punching it in the jaw.”

“Spoilsport.”

X     X     X

Author’s Notes

Just Yang and Averia doing what they do best. As third years, they do get the occasional solo or pair mission, which is what they were doing when the call came in. It’s also not unusual for a bit of mix and matching between teams to occur if a mission calls for it.

If you’re interested in my thoughts on writing and other topics, you can find those here.

I also write original fiction, which you can find on Amazon here or on Audible here.

[searchingwardrobes]

The Christmas Wish: 2/4

This fic is first and foremost a gift for @snowbellewells​, so of course it has to include a few of her favorite things. Chapter one had Captain Cobra, Daddy Charming, and Emma naming her son Graham. This chapter includes more of the first two and a favorite character of Marta’s in a way I hope she enjoys. Merry Christmas, my fandom twin! And many thanks to my beta, @kmomof4​ !

I also should warn that this is a bit of a slow burn, so don’t get too comfortable with the end of this chapter ;)

Summary: Emma leaned forward, closed her eyes, and a wish bubbled up unbidden from the depths of her heart. “I wish I could just have a simple, domestic life. Is that even in the cards for me?” Breath left her on an exhale just as the wish floated through her mind, and the candle blew out. The “answer” to her wish had to be some kind of trick, however. After all, it wasn’t as if anything in the vision she received could ever in a million years be real. It was ridiculous. Captain Hook, the father of three driving a minivan? Impossible.

Rated G for Hallmark movie levels of fluff and Christmas feels

Also on Ao3

Tagging the usuals:  @teamhook​​ @xhookswenchx​​ @bethacaciakay​​ @whimsicallyenchantedrose​​ @welllpthisishappening​​ @optomisticgirl​​ @hookedonapirate​​ @ilovemesomekillianjones​​ @itsfabianadocarmo​​ @spartanguard​​ @let-it-raines​​ @tiganasummertree​​ @vvbooklady1256​​ @scientificapricot​​ @superchocovian​​ @sherlockianwhovian​​ @ohmakemeahercules​​ @hollyethecurious​​ @ultraluckycatnd​​ @jrob64​​ @wellhellotragic​​ @winterbythesea​​ @winterbaby89​​ @lfh1226-linda​​ @carpedzem​​ @thesschesthair​​ @resident-of-storybrooke​​ @cutieodonoghue​​ @justbecauseyoubelievesomething​​ @juliakaze​​  @thisonesatellite​​ @therealstartraveller776​​ @thislassishooked​​ @profdanglaisstuff​​ @killian-whump​

Chapter Two: Hope

“You’re being awfully quiet.”

Emma barely registered her father’s words as he drove them back to Granny’s. Her mind was still reeling from what she had seen.

“I mean, I’m glad your vision is back,” David continued, his words trailing off.

Emma turned in her seat to look at him. “It is, and I’m fine. Really.”

He glanced at her with concern in his eyes. “What did that doctor do? You seemed pretty upset.”

Emma rubbed at her temple wearily. “She gave me some drops, and my vision cleared. That’s all. It was just so sudden, it sort of freaked me out.”

“But that doesn’t make sense. What caused it to begin with? Did she have you make a follow up appointment?”

She started to open her mouth to protest again that everything was fine, but then she quickly changed her tactic. “Yeah, actually, she did. I’m going back in a few days.”

David’s shoulders relaxed as he let out a sigh of relief. Emma rested her hand in the crook of his elbow and gave him an affectionate squeeze.

“It was just stress, lack of sleep, and probably the shock my system got when my memories came back.” She forced herself to chuckle, and David managed to smile.

“In that case, you need to rest.”

She started to protest as he turned the truck towards Granny’s instead of towards the sheriff’s station, but the words died on her lips. Partly from her father’s stern glare and partly with the thought that time off to rest also meant time with Henry. She still worried about where the witch was hiding out, who cast this new curse, and a dozen other fairy tale related problems, but in this moment, worry for her son and their relationship won out. After all, it was Christmas. Emma pulled out her phone to call him.

“Mom! Are you okay?”

“Yeah, kid, everything’s fine. I can see again.”

“Thank God,” Henry sighed. He turned away from the phone to talk to Hook, then came back on the line. “Killian is happy too.”

A vivid image of the way he smiled at her in that vision floated across her mind, but Emma shook it away.

“Tell him thanks,” she said, her voice strained, “for everything, and that we’re pulling into Granny’s as I speak.”

“Oh, um . . . about that. We went out.”

“You did? Where?”

“Come on, Mom, it’s Christmas. I gotta have some secrets.”

Emma couldn’t help the smile that curled her lips. “Shopping already? I haven’t even started yet.”

Come to think of it, she’d better get on that. Did Amazon deliver to Storybrooke? Because unless Henry wanted a gift that was vintage, online shopping would be her only option.

“Um, you could say that,” Henry answered cryptically. “Killian says to call before you head back to our room, okay?”

Hmmm, that was suspicious. “Okay, whatever you say.” She hung up and looked back at her father with a grin. “Well, looks like I’m on my own for a bit. Have you had breakfast yet?”

David smiled back. “No, I was too worried about my daughter.”

“Well, your daughter’s fine, so how about some of Granny’s pancakes?”

“You’re on.”

***********************************************

Emma had lingered over pancakes with David for an hour before Henry called her back. Now she was heading upstairs to their rooms, her curiosity mounting with each step. She could hear Henry’s voice and Hook’s as she reached for the doorknob, but she didn’t announce her presence. They didn’t notice her when she first entered the room, and she froze near the door at the sight before her eyes. Killian saw her first.

“Surprise!” he exclaimed as a beaming smile filled his face. He was wedged between the window and a slender douglas fir. Needles littered the carpet and boxes were stacked haphazardly all around her son and the pirate, boxes of brand new ornaments - balls of red, green, and gold. A strand of colored lights encircled the tree, and Killian’s hook was adjusting a golden star that sat upon the highest bough.

“Mom!” Henry exclaimed. “Isn’t it awesome? I was telling Killian about what I missed about Christmas in New York, so we decided to surprise you. I mean, we can’t have Christmas without a tree.”

Emma was positively speechless, and she knew her mouth was hanging open. Henry’s eyes narrowed with concern.

“I mean, you are surprised, right Mom?”

Emma shook her head and smiled at her son. “Of course I’m surprised. Thrilled.”

“Well,” Killian said brightly, “you’re just in time for the big moment.”

Henry came to stand beside her, slipping his arm around her waist. Killian bent and picked up the end of the cord of lights and plugged it into the nearest outlet. For a moment, the big colored bulbs flickered to light, but then there was a loud pop, sparks flashed from the outlet, and the bottom branches of the tree were suddenly orange with flames. All three of them shouted, and Emma dashed for the mini fridge to grab a bottle of water while Killian yanked the cord out of the wall. He swore loudly as a shock went through his hand. Emma threw the water at the tree. Luckily, only one branch had sparked and the water was enough to put out the flames. Unfortunately, it was enough to trigger the room’s smoke alarm.

Emma tossed aside the water bottle and leapt onto the sofa nearest the alarm. She grabbed her scarf from where she’d discarded it when she came in, and waved it at the alarm. Killian opened the window while Henry tried to wave the smoke outside.

And that was how Granny found them.

“What the hell are you doing to my inn?”

They all answered her simultaneously, shouting over the alarm that was still blaring.

“It’s nothing.”

“The fire’s been doused.”

“It was these old lights!”

Granny crossed her arms to glare at them just as the smoke alarm finally ceased its screeching. Emma dropped the scarf, but she was still on top of the sofa. With her boots on. Killian and Henry still stood sheepishly in front of the window, and a frigid breeze blew through the room.

“I told Killian these lights didn’t look good,” Henry finally spoke up, “but it’s all the drug store had. I mean look at these things, they look like they’ve been sitting on the shelf since 1983.”

They probably had.

“Did I say you could have a tree in here?” Granny demanded.

Hook scratched behind his ear while tossing his most charming grin Granny’s way. “I didn’t think you would deny the boy a proper Christmas.”

Granny deflated at that, then rolled her eyes. “Fine. But no lights, okay. It’s a fire hazard.”

They all mumbled their agreement to the conditions as Granny left, shutting the door firmly behind her. Then they all glanced at one another tentatively. Emma looked at poor Henry’s and Hook’s pitiful expressions, then at the charred bottom corner of the tree, and she suddenly burst into hysterical laughter. It took them a minute, but Henry and Killian joined her merriment. Henry collapsed next to her on the couch, laughing, as Killian shut the window.

“Well,” he told them, a chuckle coloring his voice as he took in the tree, “It’s not too bad, considering we burned half of it.”

Emma wiped away tears of laughter. “You didn’t burn half of it, only about . . . a fifth of it?”

“Not even,” Henry disagreed, “maybe a tenth of it.”

They all dissolved into laughter again, but when Killian joined them on the sofa, Emma sobered. She suddenly remembered the words of the little girl in her vision.

Mama did Daddy really almost burn down Granny’s when he got you a Christmas tree?

Oh, shit.

“You okay, Swan?” Killian asked.

“Uh, yeah.”

It’s okay, Emma, calm down. So he got you a Christmas tree. That caught on fire. At Granny’s. It means nothing. I mean you’d never in a million years buy an ugly Christmas sweater, much less wear one . . . .

***********************************************

Emma couldn’t shake the feeling that the other shoe was about to drop. Things had been way too calm the past week, and Emma highly doubted that the Wicked Witch of the West was simply feeling the holiday spirit.

“We’re going to find her, love.”

Emma’s head snapped up at Killian’s words, and he arched a brow at her over the rim of his coffee mug. After taking a sip, he set his coffee down and studied her with an open expression.

“And when we do,” he continued, “you will defeat her.”

Emma snorted. “Why? Because I’m the Savior?”

“No. Because you’re tough and brilliant, and as I said in Neverland, I have yet to see you fail.”

Emma couldn’t help the blush that rose to her cheeks at his praise, and she ran the tines of her fork through the syrup on her breakfast plate. Regina and Robin were taking Roland ice skating, and had asked if Henry wanted to come. Emma was relieved when he had jumped at the invitation. She had never seen such a vulnerable expression on the Evil Queen’s face.

She and Killian were lingering over breakfast in Henry’s absence, nursing their second cups of coffee, and while Emma was slightly surprised at how comfortable it was to be here with him like this, tension still wouldn’t leave the set of her shoulders. It was that damn other shoe - hovering over their heads like a storm cloud.

“I just feel like we should be doing something,” she grumbled, dropping her fork with a clatter.

“We’ve done all we can,” Killian tried to encourage her. “We’ve searched every inch of the forest and found nothing.”

“Then maybe we should interview everyone in town who’s new . . . “ She trailed off as she thought about the mysterious triplets who had already messed with her mind.

“Just enjoy the season, Emma.”

“You’re starting to sound like my parents.”

“Well, you hero types are rubbing off on me I suppose,” he said with a self-deprecating shrug.

“Hey, don’t say that. You’re a hero now, too.”

He lowered his gaze into his cup of coffee. “I’m not so sure about that, love.”

“You came to find me in New York, didn’t you?”

Before he could respond to that fact, Granny appeared in front of their booth holding two Christmas packages in her hands. Emma and Killian exchanged nervous glances, unsure if the woman was still pissed at them over the Christmas tree fiasco.

“I just wanted to say no hard feelings,” Granny told them in her no-nonsense way. “I know you were just trying to give Henry a decent Christmas, and it’s Hooks first in this realm, so . . . Anyway, I got you both something.”

She thrust a rectangular package into Emma’s arms and a square one into Killian’s. Both were wrapped in bright paper and decorated with ribbons and bows. The smile on Killian’s face was filled with childlike wonder as he eagerly made quick work of the wrapping with his hook.

“Did you make this for me, Mrs. Lucas?” Killian exclaimed when he saw the contents of the box.

“Of course I made it. I noticed you didn’t have one, and Maine winters can get mighty cold.”

Emma almost spit her next sip of coffee across the table when Killian pulled a gray wool beanie out of the box. Her jaw almost hit the formica when he actually plopped the beanie onto his head and pulled it down over the tips of his ears. His dark hair curled around the edges of it, and Emma was surprised to find herself thinking how cute he was. Captain Hook was cute. He really, really was, especially with that goofy smile on his face that cut wide dimples into his cheeks. Emma hugged her own gift to her chest.

“Thank you,” Killian humbly told Granny.

The women glanced at Emma, who was almost crushing her gift and didn’t seem to plan on relinquishing it anytime soon. She just couldn’t stop staring at the man across from her.

“Well,” Granny said briskly, “I’ve got things to see to in the kitchen.”

“What do you think?” Killian asked her. “How do I look?”

“It . . . um . . . it covers your ears.”

Killian tugged gently at one side of the hat and then the other. “Well, those tend to get cold the quickest.”

“I like your ears.” Why was she whispering?

She expected him to get cocky and toss some innuendo her way, but instead, he blushed and scratched behind one of those adorable ears of his. “Well, uh, you would be the first.”

“But why? They’re cute!”

“They’re pointed.”

“That’s what makes them cute.”

He was blushing and she loved it. “I got teased as a boy for them.”

“Kids can be mean. Are you part elf by any chance?”

“Not that I am aware of.”

She shrugged. “Around here, you never know.”

“True.” He cleared his throat as he removed the hat. His hair stuck up in all directions, and that was cute too. He gestured towards her gift. “Open yours, love.”

“Oh, right.” She tore off the paper and ribbons, then set the box down on the table. When she lifted the lid, she froze.

“Okay, so that’s . . . interesting,” Killian murmured as he leaned over to see.

Lying there in the box in front of Emma was an ugly Christmas sweater. Of a Christmas tree. With pom pom balls decorating it. Just like in her vision.

“Oh you opened it!” Granny exclaimed as she suddenly appeared at Emma’s side. “I heard they’re all the rage right now.”

“They are?” Killian asked hesitantly. Emma could understand his confusion.

“It’s an ugly Christmas sweater,” she explained.

Killian blanched. “Emma, that’s rude.”

Granny laughed. “No, it’s ugly on purpose, Captain.”

“So this is another tradition of this holiday? To clothe oneself in ugly garments?”

Emma couldn’t help giggling at his confused expression and the way he so eloquently expressed it. “I know it sounds weird, but Granny’s right. People buy the ugliest Christmas sweater they can find, then they go to a party where everyone votes on which one is the ugliest.”

“And Snow and Ruby and I have decided to throw an ugly Christmas sweater party here in the diner on Christmas Eve!” Granny announced with obvious excitement.

“Well, Swan,” Killian told her with a crooked smile, “you might just be a shoe-in for the grand prize.”

Emma’s hands shook and her smile wobbled as she ran her fingers over the green wool. Mama, you have to wear the tree shirt to get the tree. Its ta-dition! Emma remembered her swollen belly straining against the very sweater in front of her, and suddenly the diner felt claustrophobic.

“Excuse me,” she apologized as she leapt up, practically shoved Granny out of the way, and took off down the hall towards the inn. She ignored the cries of concern from both Killian and Granny, not slowing down until she was in her rooms on the third floor. As the door shut behind her, she was glad Henry was gone. She slid to the floor, her legs unable to hold her. First the tree, now the beanie and the ugly Christmas sweater? What the hell was going on?

*************************************************

The other shoe had dropped. Emma would have said I told you so, but that seemed a little cruel when they had discovered that The Wicked Witch was her mother’s midwife and had some creepy plans for her baby brother.

She, Regina, and Killian were at the library where Belle was helping them research spells that involved babies. Not Emma’s preferred way to spend the 18th of December. Most people would be attending an office party or caroling or baking cookies, not reading up on creepy things witches like to do to innocent babies.

“I can’t do this anymore,” Emma announced, slamming shut yet another dusty tome. “I want to go back to the inn and watch A Charlie Brown Christmas with Henry while drinking hot cocoa. The exact opposite of this.”

“I agree,” Regina concurred, rubbing wearily at her forehead. “Let’s take a break and reconvene in the morning.”

“Thank God,” Killian added, pushing back from the table and standing up.

They marked their places and stacked the books on a cart for the morning. Then they all donned their winter gear and headed for the door so Belle could lock up. Regina hurried down the snowy sidewalk to her car, but Emma paused as she watched Belle searching for the right key.

“You coming, Swan?” Killian asked, turning as he stepped out on the sidewalk.

“Just a minute. I need to ask Belle something. Can you help Henry get the cocoa and I’ll be there in a bit?”

“As you wish,” he told her softly with a slight bow of his head.

She smiled as he walked away, that phrase never ceasing to make her heart flutter. Then she turned back to Belle.

“Um, could I ask you to look up something for me?” She asked the librarian hesitantly.

“Something else about the witch?”

“Uh, no, this is . . . private.”

“Okay,” Belle said, curiosity coloring her tone.

“There are these triplets,” Emma began, “who came with the new curse, and I need to figure out who they are in the Enchanted Forest. You know, who their . . . fairy tale personas are?”

Belle smiled. “Not everyone is a famous character you know.”

“Believe me, these women are somebody . . . magical. I’ve seen their powers for myself.”

“Is everything alright?” Belle asked with concern.

“Yeah, yeah, I’m fine. They think they’re helping me, I guess. I mean, I think. It’s complicated.”

Her face burned as she stammered, and Emma prayed that Belle wouldn’t press her further.

“Alright, well, who are they? Here in Storybrooke, I mean.”

“Felicity Clotho who owns the new cupcakery, Liv Lachesis the new optometrist, and Avery Atropos, the optometrist’s receptionist.”

Belle’s face broke into a beaming grin. “Why Emma, it’s obvious! Their last names tell us everything: Clotho, Lachesis, and Atropos, the three fates.”

“As in Greek mythology? You mean that stuff’s all real too?”

Belle laughed. “It sure is. I beat Killian has plenty of stories about run-ins with Poseidon.”

“Great,” Emma muttered with a roll of her eyes, “so we have to deal with Percy Jackson crap too. So what do these fates do?”

“Well, legend says that Clotho spins the thread of each of our lives, Lachesis maintains it, and Atropos cuts the thread when our lives end.”

“I guess I should be glad Avery didn’t cast the spell,” Emma muttered.

“Emma,” Belle said softly, gently touching her arm, “what’s going on? Are you okay?”

For some reason, the librarian's words caused tears to well in Emma’s eyes, and before she knew it, it was all pouring out of her: the cupcake, the candle, waking up without her sight, and what happened at the optometrist’s office. It was embarrassing word vomit, right there in front of the library on the snowy sidewalk, and by the end of it, Belle had her arm around her.

“And it all seemed insane, you know?” Emma finished. “I mean, none of it seemed plausible, but then the tree caught on fire, and Granny gave us those ridiculous gifts, and I don’t know, I’m so confused!”

“Are you?”

Emma choked out a strangled laugh. “I mean, there’s always been this attraction between us, and the man can kiss -” Emma raised a hand when she saw Belle’s eyebrows raise “but attraction and a passionate kiss is one thing. That vision . . . . it’s . . . .”

“A happy ending?” Belle supplied.

“Yeah,” Emma said softly, “and I just don’t know that I believe in that. Happy endings and true love. At least not for me.”

Emma waited for the true love speech from the Disney princess turned town librarian, but instead, Belle pulled her close in a tight hug. For a moment, she didn’t speak, then she pulled back and gave Emma a gentle look.

“I know your early years were full of loneliness and pain, Emma, but those years are in the past. Maybe that’s why Felicity Clothos, the spinner, got involved. Maybe she - and her sister Dr. Lachesis - wanted to give you the gift of hope. If anyone deserves it, Emma, it’s you.”

In some ways, it sounded like something Emma’s mother would say, but it was different coming from Belle. This was from a woman who had suffered so much heartbreak. Heartbreak caused by a man who, in Emma’s opinion, didn’t deserve the love of someone as kind and generous as Belle. Yet here Belle was, encouraging Emma to take hold of the happy ending in front of her.

“You’re a wonderful friend, Belle.”

“So are you, Emma.”

The two women hugged again, and when they stepped apart, Emma crinkled her nose and squinted her eyes with worry.

“Being a good friend means you’ll keep this a secret, right? Especially from my mom?”

Belle threw back her head and laughed. “My lips are sealed.” Then Belle winked at Emma. “Now hurry off to enjoy that cocoa and the man making it.”

“Belle!” Emma exclaimed, her cheeks heating.

She did hurry, though.

[fantranslatorbychoice]

Kakuriyo no Yadomeshi Volume 6 Intermission 3 - Kasuga and O-ryo

T/N: Yep, it’s a double premiere guys, I hope you all enjoy. =)

As always, if you like this translation, you can heart it, share the link, reblog, I just respectfully ask that DO NOT REPOST ELSEWHERE. This is my contribution to the scant English content of this fandom, and I worked really hard to finish this thing, it’s not like I just copy-pasted everything. I even had to build the kanji in Jisho one by one. Try it and you’ll see what I mean.You can rave about this, rant about this, reply, etc. but if possible please link back to this page. If you’re unsure how to do that, just copy the web address of this page. If you’re on a blogsite just insert the web address as a hyperlink as a link back to here. Honestly if this light novel was officially-published in English, I wouldn’t even be doing this right now... And if it did, I’d take this offline to support the publishers and Yuuma-sensei. Creators support creators, is what I believe in. I’ll prolly do 1-5 once 6-10 has been done, or however long I can manage to translate the raw texts, it can take a toll at times.  As previously-mentioned in earlier chapters, if you stumbled upon this one, the two seasons of the anime covered volumes 1-5, so other than the extra details, you didn’t miss much stuff.

No spoilers lol

P261 "Hmph. You're the newly-hired kid? Really, you're named Kasuga? Aren't you a stumpy little tanuki-girl? I am O-ryo, the future Wakaokami. I'll train you under me, and I'll be sure to drill the job of being a waitress into your head."

I remember well, the day that I first met O-ryo sama. I am Kasuga, a Bunmon Tanuki, while still a child was chased off from my home by my Hachiyo Baba-sama to experience the outside world, and along with my uncle Chiaki who also has nowhere else to go, we inquired in, and started working in Tenjin-ya. It was that first day. That person who called me stumpy, has hair and skin as white as snow, it was the conspicuously beautiful snow lady. Her personality is of someone who hates losing. She was a selfish Sempai, but has an indomitable and strong willpower to rise to the top, and I thought that surprisingly, I have come to like this person. As such, in order to gain her dream position of Wakaokami, she exerted herself no matter what it took. P262 A woman who fights her battles to win. I came to her side and I recorded her heroic battles, and I wrote about it in my diary.

"Hey.... Hey, why are you asking something while falling asleep, Kasuga-kun, HEY!" "Whaaaa~" In the middle of talking about something regarding a Hachiyo's marriage at great length, sitting on my heels I was nodding off to sleep. Since early morning I have been with Aoi-chan, and I have been going about here and there. I was feeling confident. I was dozing off in front of Byakuya-sama. Is Byakuya-sama angry or is he surprised? "Good grief. You're a reliable and shrewd girl girl, and I think that it's beyond expectations that you're going to get married to a Hachiyo... yet I am worried that they'll find faults on you. That is a position that has many enemies, do you understand? "Yeah, I get it. I have watched Aoi-chan for a long time. But Aoi-chan is awesome... Even though she's in a disadvantage, she was aware of her own strengths. Furthermore, in Tenjin-ya, when Aoi-chan gets married to Odanna-sama, isn't there anyone who grumbles about it?" "Hmmm. in that case, isn't that a problem? Because nobody's complaining, probably there's a group that's P263 thinking about rubbing her out of existence." "That point, I am fine with that. I plan to not make enemies with my demeanor, an incomptetent person making a blunder. Well, at any rate, from the very start I have been incompetent." "..." Byakuya-sama narrowed his eyes, and with a snap hit the corner of his mouth with his fan. I thought that he was going to say something but, he just scolded me and released me after saying "You can go now" . Wahh, after standing up from sitting on my feet, they fell asleep and started tingling painfully... Holding the Maneki-neko** coin bank, I planned to go back to Yugao. Along the way, the waitresses looked over here, and started gossiping and whispering to each other. Up until now the friends that were calling me in carefree voices, and the sempai that used to fiddle with and pushed me around, now they pass sideways, and bow their heads subserviently, and flees anywhere. Oh well, I could understand why they became like that but... I come in contact with the management staff that were like Shizuna-chan and they are normally composed, but I'm a normal girl, aren't I? I feel like I'm a sore thumb sicking out. "Kasuga, Kasuga" "...Chiaki" From the other side of the hallway, peeping over here looking worried, it was my uncle, the tanuki. T/N: Maneki-neko, the beckoning cat, famously known for bringing in luck. It's said that it was originally named after a cat that waved to a monk to go inside a shrine and the monk almost got struck by lightning or something, so it was a lucky omen. P264 He approached while calling for me. "What is it, from now onwards I'm helping out at Yugao." "It's not that, you were called for by Byakuya-sama, and I got worried somewhat." "It's nothing. It's just that I'm developing a souvenir product with Aoi-chan." "Why you, aren't you scowling at me?" "Why, my relative shouldn't speak about me flippantly." He isn't necessarily overprotective and he wasn't saying anything like that, but ever since the old days Chiaki has been worrying about me. He's just a nice and charming person who took care of me, and he always looks after those that are just like me. Though I'm already fine, even at this age he still worries about me... "Chiaki aren't you staying behind here in Tenjin-ya?" "Yep. I'll continue working here. Even though I was thinking of coming along with you." "It's fine, it's nothing. I've always been taken care of by uncle, I cannot function properly being a Hachiyo's wife." "...Kasuga" His eyes gloomily welling up, holding down the corner of his eyes, Chiaki went "That tiny Kasuga has grown to be praise-worthy" "Ahhh stop it already, don't be gloomy.. Get over it." Shh... Uncle you're annoying. P265 While being paid extra care, I could feel myself fading away. Our relationship, even though we are family, here we cannot become too overly-familiar. The love that tanuki give to each other are the strongest among Ayakashi, as such they aren't entrusted to to other people, which makes tanuki unaware about so many things such as getting close to and connecting with strangers. Those people, now matter how much we studied them, we couldn't find them... With regards to those, I thought I learned those in Tenjin-ya.

"Oh.." In front of the passageway that connects the door to Yugao, there is someone who is sneakily peeping in. Isn't that... "O-ryo sama, what are you doing over that place?" "Kyaaa!" O-ryo sama jumped up suprised. With a sluggish expression, she slowly looked back. Opening her mouth as if about to talk, hesitatingly, she made a weird face by sticking her lower lip out. "H-hmph." In the end, O-ryo sama took her leave without saying anything. P266 I slightly tugged on O-ryo sama's sleeves. "What now?" O-ryo sama icily stared down at me with that severe gaze. Oh well, I've been used to that gaze. "Uhm, I believe so, that O-ryo sama will likely aim to be Wakaokami again." ".... what?" "Within Tenjin-ya, there's something that only O-ryo sama can surely do." Pulling my hands immediately from the hem, I madly dashed towards the inner garden where Yugao was. The O-ryo sama who was aiming to be Wakaokami. And the one who made her dream come true, the O-ryo sama that became Wakaokami. To me, O-ryo sama is dazzling, despite the many enemies she makes, being hated by her colleagues, being gutsy and only wants to rise up into the world. The one I adored. After doing so many different things, O-ryo sama eventually became demoted from Wakaokami, and yet... When O-ryo sama becomes Wakaokami once again. Truly, I support that from the sidelines..

End of Intermission 3, Volume 6. Previous - Chapter 8 Next - Chapter 9

References:

Wonderful site for the youkai references

Other stuff I used to do this: Kodansha Kanji Learner’s Dictionary (you can buy here, I’m not sponsored btw). I was about to buy the older edition but then the newer one came out 2013 so I bought that instead. Worth buying since I was able to find nearly all of the words I needed just by stroke pattern alone.

Merriam-Webster's Japanese-English Dictionary (the red-covered 1996 version is apparently out of print right now). This is what I have been using for a very long time, I bought it when I was still a fetus (yes I am old so what lol), and after so many years, when compared to newer editions, I still prefer this one since its entirety is Japanese-English, the English to Japanese gloss are just 16 pages tops, so you get more Japanese words for your buck. But that’s just my opinion, maybe other people prefer the Jap-En x En-Jap IDEK.

Basic online dictionary, Jisho. Knowledge of verb conjugations  and other words are necessary since not all have entries.

If you can read Japanese, you can buy the whole set in Amazon Japan, they’re shipping worldwide now, I think.

[yungidreamer]

Catch You

The fourth oneshot in my Kinktober series

Summary: Mingi is a guardian angel who loves his assignment. Sure he spends all his time protecting her from a series of unlikely events thanks to a curse that has been on her family since her great grandmother, but hey she’s cute, funny, and smart. It’s not a bad deal really.

Wordcount: 2.7k

Content warnings: Really, nothing...maybe an unrequited crush? This is mostly a pure fluff humor piece and a little bit of how I imagine Mingi would be as a guardian angel out there living his best life.

Suggested music I’m Gonna Be by The Proclaimers and Just the Way You Are by Bruno Mars

Mingi sat at the end of her bed. She was so precious when she was sleeping. So much less trouble, too. Not that he would change charges for anything in the world. She was just a little more work than he had anticipated. Not everyone had a guardian angel because, well, not everyone actually needed one. Most people had ordinary luck, lived ordinary lives, and didn’t have a generational curse.

She was different. Her great grandmother had pissed someone off enough to have gotten a curse that had lasted for four generations. He hadn’t been told what had been done and he hadn’t even thought to ask when he was assigned to her. Maybe he should have, then he would have been better prepared.

Soon she would be getting up and starting her day, and his, but for now she was tucked in and sleeping peacefully. He wished a little that she knew he was there. Maybe it would make things just a little bit easier. She would look a third time before crossing the street or just go a little slower in life that would give him a little more time to react.

Alas, she didn’t know he was there, didn’t know how hard he worked to keep her alive and well, didn’t know that she had worked her way into a little corner of his heart. She lived her life, ignorant of him, as she was supposed to.

The alarm on her bedside buzzed, starting both of their days. While she groped for the ‘damned machine’ as she often called it, Mingi deftly pulled the glass of water out of the way, letting her turn off the alarm before setting the cup down on the bedside table again so it would be where she left it when she got a drink before getting out of bed. She was at least pretty predictable, he consoled himself.

She stretched, took a drink, and threw back the covers with a smile, ready to start the day. First thing was first, he narrated in his head, shower. Together they headed down the hallway to her bathroom. Stripping off the shirt she had slept in, she tossed it into the laundry basket, barely making it in and, somehow, unbalancing it until Mingi hopped forward, catching it and setting it right. Would it have killed her to have the laundry on the floor? By itself no, but the curse sort of worked like a Rube Goldberg machine, relying on a series of highly unlikely events that alone were inconsequential, but cumulatively could lead to her death.

How did a basket of laundry play a part? Well, the laundry falls, covers up the bar of soap that had dropped (something he had picked up yesterday), she steps out of the shower to find that her towel had dropped into the toilet (thanks to a loose screw he had instead tightened three days ago) so she steps out dripping wet instead, leaving a puddle on the floor that, in combination with the soap, makes for the perfect bathroom slip and slide that ends with her smacking her head against the edge of the tub and… well that would be the end of his assignment.

So that was most of his day, spotting those odd, unlikely events in her life that could lead to her untimely end. She turned on the water and undid her hair before stepping in under the water. Mingi checked inside the tub, having a niggling suspicion that something was slightly amiss. Nothing in the tub… the curtain rod was fine… ah-ha! Somehow the hot water faucet was loose and… slowly turning itself on more? Ugh, why? With a sigh, Mingi sat down on the edge of the tub holding the faucet in place. When she was done he would mess with it, make sure it was tight and do a little something to clear the curse that was animating it. But now, he would just hold it and let her take her shower in peace.

“I don't care if Monday's blue, Tuesday's grey and Wednesday too,” she sang as she soaped herself up behind the curtain. “Thursday, I don't care about you, It's Friday, I'm in love…”

Was it Friday again already, Mingi wondered to himself. I guess it is, he recalled, singing along with her as she belted out her favorite start-the-day song for Fridays. She was cute when she sang in the shower, so uninhibited. No one was listening, well no one but him and he didn’t really count.

He felt her hand go through his as she turned off the water, signaling the end of her shower. Letting go of the faucet, Mingi moved over to the other side of the bathroom, deliberately giving her his back while she put on her towel and dried off. She was still singing and he hummed along with her, listening for where she was in the bathroom. Teeth were brushed, a bit of makeup put on, and hair was fixed up for the day.

“You’re having a good hair day,” Mingi commented with a grin.

“Man, if only I knew what I did some days to get this look,” she muttered to herself, almost as if she had heard his compliment. “Not that I am going to complain on the good days.”

“You always look lovely, though,” he sighed, following her as she headed back to the bedroom to get dressed. Putting on her underthings first, she went to her closet to decide what exactly she was going to wear today.

“Hmmm, is it a lacy sort of day or badass business woman sort of day,” she wondered aloud, flipping through her wardrobe.

“You’re badass even in lace,” he said, sitting on the end of the bed, chin resting on the heel of his hand.

“Maybe something that is both?” She pondered, pulling out a vintage styled button up and a dark grey pantsuit.

“Good choice,” Mingi agreed, giving an approving thumbs up. She pulled on her clothes and checked everything in the mirror before deciding she was ready to take on the day. Mingi caught the empty hanger that dropped itself off the rail, putting it back up before she noticed or it could cause any havoc. Giving it a tap and a stern look that said, I’ve got my eye on you, he turned to follow her as she headed down the hall to the kitchen. 

Her steps were confident as she headed to the kitchen to make a quick breakfast. Mingi was always on his toes here. Here he had to be nimble and eagle eyed. Really, why did they have to concentrate so many potentially deadly things all in one place. He had a distinct sense of relief when she picked out granola and some yogurt for breakfast. Thank you, he said to the universe, as she took a seat at the counter and opened the magazine she had left half read there the day before. No stove to watch for things that mysteriously ended up sitting on the element. No knives that seem to leap off the cutting board. No toast that got stuck with the strength of a magnet on the inside of the toaster. No burns from shockingly hot coffee or tea.

“You know,” he told her, taking the seat in the chair closest to her. “I love these days where you make my job so much easier.” She flipped through a couple of pages as she took bites. “Anything interesting?” He peeked over at the magazine to see what she was reading about. Diversity and Dynamics: the wonders of the Amazon Rainforest. “Really? It has 10% of the total global diversity? Neat.” Reading over her shoulder was always fun. She was curious and really enjoyed reading about a little bit of everything. Since she graduated college a couple of years ago, she had kept that curiosity for new information and for all kinds of topics. Without a doubt, he was never bored with her.

Rinsing the dishes, she put them in the dishwasher, which Mingi re-closed behind her when it decided to just fall open again when she turned to rinse her hands. Pursing his lips, he shook a finger at it, sending a warning to the device with his mind. 

“You can be replaced,” he reminded it, sternly. The machine, properly chastised, stayed closed this time.

Well fed and ready to start the day, she headed for the front door, gathering her bag and her shoes along the way. Mingi followed, staying close as she entered the wider world, yet another space where he felt like he had to be on guard. He took a playful karate pose as he stood near her at the bus stop, eyeing the passing people and cars as he hovered near her. With her headphones on, she might not notice something that came up behind her.

“Don’t worry,” he assured her. “I’m watching your back.” Together they boarded the bus and he stood guard by her seat as she looked out the window as the city passed by. This was one of her favorite parts of the day, he could tell by the way her shoulders relaxed and her lips quirked into a little smile as she day dreamed, looking out at the buildings and the people passing by.

When her stop drew near, he lightly brushed her shoulder to make sure that she noticed and pressed the button to call for the bus to stop. He caught the door as it tried to close early on her giving it a parting slap and a disapproving look as the bus pulled away, forcing him to jog to catch up with her. At least it wasn’t far to her office. The modern, tall business block looked largely the same as the other half dozen multi-storey office buildings in the surrounding neighborhood. There was nothing terribly dangerous about the space...except for the hours of tedium...and maybe the long stairwells. Luckily she worked on the seventh floor and preferred to get her cardio going the long way to the bus so that she could pick up a cup of her favorite coffee some mornings.

In her cubicle she put her things down and switched on her computer, taking a moment to spin in her chair while she waited for it to boot up. Mingi gave it a little extra push to keep its momentum, smiling as he did so. With a sigh, she straightened up and scooted her chair in to actually start her work day. If Mingi slept, he might have done it during this part of the day. Spread sheets were just...mind numbing. But at least, when she was in her cubicle, a paper cut was the biggest threat to her for the most part.

Mingi took a seat on the open part of her desk and entertained himself making the leaf of the fern on her desk ripple in the non-existent draft. Nothing anyone would find out of place but at least it was something for him to do.

“Coffee,” she said, pushing herself back.

“Oh are we having actual coffee today or are you going to decide to get a hot chocolate again instead?” He asked as he trailed behind her. Shuffling down the hall, she waved at a couple of co-workers as she passed on the way to the breakroom. In the little kitchen like breakroom she pulled a mug out of the cabinet then shimmied over to the fancy coffee machine. Putting the cup on the little shelf under the spigot, she started going through her options on the screen.

“Mocha, I think, today,” she decided after a lip biting moment of deep consideration.

“Both,” he nodded approvingly. “I like it.” 

“Ahhhh,” she gave a satisfied sigh after taking a sip. “Caffeine.” They headed out of the kitchen and Mingi caught the handle of the cleaner’s mop that decided it wanted to fall into her path just before she turned the corner. He hurried ahead and caught it before she could even see it, giving her a little bow as she passed, blissfully ignorant as she enjoyed the drink in her hands.

The morning was unremarkable and largely uneventful, though he did have to keep her mocha from spilling itself… twice. When lunch came, she decided to go to the little cafe at the end of the block, which meant at least their trip into the wider scarier world was short. Mingi walked ahead of her, using his wings to part the crowds of people to make her walk easier. It wasn’t that people could see him or could even really feel him, but they just sort of instinctively avoided him. Brushing into him felt...odd, perhaps even uncomfortable, like a chill or a static shock so people just naturally avoided it.

They looked into the bakery case as they stood in line at the cafe. Mingi thought the croissant sandwich looked especially tasty today along with the raspberry swirl cheesecake. He gave the case over them a little tap, hoping to bring her attention to them. She looked at both, considering them and did take the croissant but skipped the cheesecake today.

“I hope you aren’t skipping it because you think you need to diet again,” he sighed, watching her eat from the other side of the table. “You’re pretty you know. Not only that, you’re smart and funny, which is what someone should really like about you anyway.” He pointed out, kicking a napkin out of the way just before a passerby would have slipped on it, taking her table with them as they fell. Instead they just passed by without incident.

“You sure you don’t want the cheesecake?” He asked as they got up to go. “You can always snack on it later.” She didn’t get it but she did give it a somewhat longing look as she passed it by on her way out. 

The afternoon passed with only a few minor incidents and it was finally time to head home again. And, hey, it was even Friday! Mingi watched as she packed up her things and shut everything down, ready to head home.

“Do we have any plans this weekend?” He asked as they headed to the elevator. She sighed and looked at her phone, scrolling through something as she paired and pulled on her headphones. “I guess that is a no.” He shrugged and gave her a little chuckle. I mean, who was he to complain about another Friday evening of Netflix and nosh?

The bus ride home was thankfully uneventful and home was almost exactly how they left it. He had to close a few cabinet doors, pick up a pen that had rolled itself onto the floor, and tighten the shower tap he hadn’t gotten to this morning. Still, it was overall nothing big and soon they had both settled in for a relaxing start to the weekend.

“So, what about ordering something in?” He sent the idea to her, hoping she would skip cooking, just to give him that little extra time off.

“Ooo, pizza sounds really good,” she said aloud, now that there was no one around to think she was odd for talking to herself. Getting out her app, she put in an order as Mingi looked at her adoringly. Sometimes he suspected she knew he was there. Sometimes he thought she did things just to make his job just a little easier and he really loved her for it.

They watched a few hours of a newer drama on Netflix, both talking to the characters as if they could hear them. Complaining when they made stupid decisions and cheering for them when they did something great. It was really his favorite kind of night. Just the two of them and something that made her laugh. He would swear her smile could have lit up the whole world.

Soon it was time for bed and she headed to the bathroom to brush her teeth and wash her face. She changed into her nightshirt and pulled out the book she had been reading and climbed into bed. Mingi sat on the other side of the bed, laying back to read the book over her shoulder until she started yawning and shut off the light. She pulled the covers up over her shoulder and turned on her side. Before he knew it, she was asleep, happily making little puffy breath sounds as she breathed.

“Sleep well,” he whispered softly. “I’ll be here keeping watch, don’t worry.”

He really had the best job.

Masterlist

[samnatandsteve]

Nat gets Amnesia

 so @mockinghawk-romanogers asked for a fic of this based off a post of mine. it took a lot longer to get to than I planned thanks to university and life, and it’s not really the same as the of post but that’s okay. I like both of them. 

This is the post in question by the way: 

[Steve and the Bucky are in central Asia following a lead on a terrorist organization after Civil War][Nat and Sam are following other leads in central America, Nat got hurt and can't keep things straight in her mind]

Nat : *gets a long and well written love letter from Steve*Nat : awwww

Nat : *writes back* "you have a crush on me? That's embarrassing :P"

[A week later]

Steve : *calls Nat on burner phone only for emergencies* Nat, we're litterly married!

Nat : is that how I got your dog tags with your mom's ring on it?

Steve : yes! Don't you remember?

Nat : not really... did I look nice?

Steve : ....of course you did, can I talk to Sam?

Nat : why?

Steve : I need him to check something for me

Nat : what is it? I can do it

*Sam walks in, sees the phone, panicks, and grabs the phone*

Nat : hey!! What gives?

Sam : *trying to act nonchalant while shooting Nat away* hey man, what's up?

Steve : why doesn't my wife remember she's my wife?

Sam : whaaattttt? that's crazy!

Steve : is Nat hurt?

Sam : Not a cut

Nat : *in the background* tell the pizza man I want extra banana peppers on mine

Sam : *to Nat* sure thing

Steve : Sam what happened?

Sam : what do you mean?

Steve : what happen-

Sam : woops well look at that, times up, got to go! Tasha, say bye

Nat : why do I have to say goodbye to the pizza man?

Sam : because he likes you

Nat : likes likes?Sam : ohhh yeah

Steve : wait a minute Sa-

*Sam hangs up*

I can do the whole pizza man part in another one if you guys want me to. But this is the oneshot I whipped up today because I finally had the time and motivation :) 

-

They were on a mission in Brazil that of course brought them to the Amazon Rainforest and not only there but at a Hydra base right on the banks of the river itself. Hydra and their fucking cliches. Sam and Natasha went down there to do some snooping around - “Recon” as Tasha put it. Which of course quickly turned into “innocent intel gathering” as she put it in the middle of the night. Then one trip wire (fucking cliches) got them into a “good old fashion shoot out” as she so cheekly put it as she put a bullet in a Hydra goon’s head. Which may or may not have made Sam question Steve’s sanity for marrying such a scary woman. And they just in Brazil that morning, barely had any lunch and Sam’s stomach is really pissed at him. 

   But back to the point! Hydra, Amazon River, terrifying  woman for a partner, kicking Hydra goon ass all in the very humid and very yuckie air of the Amazon. Just one other reason to add to the list of “why I hate Jimmy”, Sam should've gone with scissors that last round, at least then he would be in Central  Asia and just  be dealing with the heat. 

They managed to get outside where they could get the upper hand,  mainly thanks to Tasha’s kick ass assassin skills. Now he was providing air support and Redwing was being awesome and finishing up the intel theft. 

So Tasha was on the ground kicking ass like only Sam could dream of doing, Sam was playing snipper and taking out stragglers and thinning them out for Tasha when suddenly Tasha was in the river face down and Sam was fighting to right himself midair with his ears ringing painfully.

Cold sweat ran down Sam’s back as the biting air rushed in his ears and brought tears to his eyes. He’s going to blame it on the wind if any of those Hydra idiots brought it up, because Sam Wilson does not cry for his friends, he was a stone cold certified bad bitch (by Tasha the queen of bad bitches herself) thank you very much. His stomach twists painfully making him want to throw up and he does and it’s just acid and it burns his throat and he hates today. 

In just another example of classical Hydra cliche, they blew up their little super secret base and bebrie hit Tasha, sending her into the river. His mind registers the fact that Redwing’s still connected to the goggles’ computer and online. Sam thanks the beings that be as he takes a swan dive to Tasha. One thing is for sure, Sam thought as he pulled Natasha out of the river, Steve will kill him if he finds out about this. 

“Redwing buddy tell me I didn’t just let cap become a widow.” The electronic drone bird chirps as they run away- make a strategic withdrawal into the night sky to their hotel room. Sam breathed a sigh of relief as her vitals popped up and he saw her steady heart beat. “Thank god! He still can’t know about this though!” Redwing chirps again as Sam readjusts the spy in his arms. “Well if she snitches we just have to go into hiding.” Another chirp. “Can you stop pointing out faults in my plan?” Silence. “Thank you.”  

Natalie grones as the light hits her eyes causing a pounding headache to erupt across her head. “What the fuck happened last night?” Her cold hand helped a bit when she held it against her forehead. A black man walked out of the bathroom with a hesitant smile on his face.

“Heyyy girl, how’re you feeling?” She  grunted in reply and she threw her bare legs over the side of the bed. Pausing, she looked down and raised an eyebrow, she had her underwear and tank top on. 

“Why the hell am I half naked with a hell of a hangover? Did we sleep together? You better have used protection!” She jabed her left index finger at the man who was still standing on the other side of the room by the desk. Her eyes caught the gold of her wedding band. “You better be my husband too, I am no cheat!” The man’s mouth went slack as his eyes went wide. 

“I broke her- Hydra broke her and I let them.” He started to ramble to himself, rubbing his hands over his head. Natalie pauses again, what the hell does a Nazi subdivison have to do with this? 

“I thought Captain America took care of those guys.” The man stopped and she could practically see the dread set in as she watched his back. Something in a bag on his side of the room chirped and he snapped at it to shut up. 

After a slew of questions the man, Sam, tells her she had memory loss and thinks she’s one of her covers for her job; A history teacher named Natalie Rushmen when she was really an intelligence agent named Natasha Rogers. They were on a mission in Brazil when she got hurt and they will not be leaving until she gets her memory because “Your husband will kill me if he finds out about this and as my friend you would be obliged to kill him and the whole thing would go down into history books and I don’t want to be in history books like that.” 

They stared into each other's eyes for a while, sweat running down Sam’s face as a smirk played on Natasha’s. She hummed, putting her head in her hand, finger tapping her chin,  pretending to mull it over. 

“Hmmm? What do you mean hmmm??” 

“He is my husband, and I like to think we-” 

“Then don’t think! Trust me, you love to pull shit over him, it's your favorite pastime!” 

“Okay” She got up and left him to get dressed “But i think my other favorite is to keep you on your toes.” She calls from the other side of the closed bathroom door. He flops onto the bed, rubbing his face. Thank god the mission was originally planned for a week and radio silent. 

_

A day later the front office stopped Natasha and gave her an envelope. Said envelope found its way into her purse quicker than a snitch in those Harry Potter books she was working through for the eleventh time according to Sam.   

 When she found the room to be empty and void of said man, she plopped onto her bed and opened the letter. A love letter from a guy trying to be mysterious by going by S - how sweet! But she was married and the most faithful wife-who-can’t-even-remember-her-spouse’s-face there ever was!  But she wasn’t a mean woman either, plus it was so nicely written, clearly S loved her a lot. And she was going to love breaking that big heart of his, gotta set her foot down. 

 So she got to writing her own letter complete with a lipstick kiss on the letter’s bottom corner next to her N.

“Dear S, 

Fuck you, I’m married. 

With nothing but love, 

      N <3” 

Short and to the point, just how she liked it. Smiling to herself with a bounce in her step, she hands her response to the young girl at the front desk, thanked her and went back into the room to watch some Brazilian dramas. The letter from S tucked away in her bag, she was going to ask Sam about it  later when he got back with dinner. 

But dinner came and went and the letter was left forgotten under one of her bras. That was until two days later when Sam got a call on a flip phone. Well the phone in his bag did and like always he way out, so she did the friendly thing of answering it when she saw the unsaved number thinking it was spam. 

“Hello, this is Cathrine from Bed Baths and Beyond, how can I help you on this wonderful day?” 

The midwestern American accent came easily to her as she played with her hair with the phone held in place with her shoulder and cheek 

“Nat what’s going on?” She doesn’t know how she knows but that was Mysterious Mr. S on the other end of the line. 

“Who the fuck do you take me for mr S?? I am married and I’ll bet twenty bucks you’re not even half the man my husband is!” She fished the letter out of her bag “I mean seriously! ‘Words cannot even begin to describe how beautiful you are, Aphrodite cannot even hope to compare.’ “ She reads the line in a high pitched mocking town. “Did you read that from ‘Pickup lines so used and abused even their mothers won’t recognize them’? I wouldn’t be caught dead with a man who thinks that’s the hot shit.” 

  There was a pause and Natasha had to check that he didn’t hang up. 

“What - I’m your husband! Me! Steve Rogers am your spouse!” 

“Yeah okay buddy nice try.” 

“Where’s Sam?” 

“Who’s Sam?” 

“Natasha please don’t, where’s Sam?” 

“He’s at work, doing accountant stuff with the numbers and shit.” 

“Sam barely passed algebra, he hates math.” 

Just  as about to call him a staker, Sam the man walked in with food. 

“Got you some waffles!” He did his best Donkey impression at the word waffles as he closed the door behind him. When he turned back he dropped the food and basically tackled her like a linebacker or something to get to the phone. - Point is it hurt her bruised and battered body.  “Give that to me woman!” 

“No!” 

“What’s going on with you two??” -Steve 

“Yes!” 

“I don’t wanna!” 

“I’ll buy you ice cream!” 

They pause in their battle for the phone. 

“Chocolate?” 

“I’m not a heathen like your husband.” 

“I heard that!” - Steve 

She let go, hand up and palms out in surrender. Sam put the phone to his ear.

“Heyyy Steve, whatsup man?” Sam shoved his unused hand into his armpit as he started to walk the length of the room. Nodding to the food to tell Natasha to start eating, which she does. So she watched him talk while eating her waffles far more entertained than she would be watching a Brazilan show. 

“Why doesn’t my wife remember me?” 

“You have a wife? Wow, congrats man! Who’s the lucky lady?” 

“The one you let get amnesia apparently.” 

“Amnesia-what?” 

Steve sighed on the other end.

“She hurt in any other way?” 

Sam shared a glance with Natasha who had booth cheeks stuffed with waffles. 

“Not a scratch.” 

“You sit on a throne of lies.” Natasha hisses. “I have three broken ribs Mr. S!” 

“What! Thre-!” Steve is sooo going to kill Sam. 

“Oh wow don’t you look at that! Time’s out, gotta go! Bye Steve!” And with a snap of the phone, the yelling voice of an angry husband is cut off. Sam joined Natasha at the table and started to eat his waffles. 

“Is that really my husband?” She pointed her fork at the phone laying on one of the twin beds. Sam nods as he poured syrup over his waffles. “What was I thinking?” 

“To this day I still can’t figure it out.” 

[shiishki]

okay wait, i changed my mind. you should answer all of these questions as well, if that's what you want from me >:)

oof there's a lot of it, that's what i get for wanting to be ✨aesthetic✨

1: 6 of the songs you listen to most?

vowels (and the importance of being me) - hunny

honeypie - jawny

pretty young thing - michael jackson

mirrors - justin timberlake

sunflower - red orange county

paradise - rude-a

2: If you could meet anyone on this earth, who would it be?

a therapist.

ok someone else.. uhh,, my grand grandma because i only have scratches of memories but i dunno if that counts since she passed away...

*rummages through ancient scripts* uhh ok someone who isn't dead.. uhm,, tommie? yeah I'd like to meet them if i could meet anyone on earth

3: Grab the book nearest to you, turn to page 23, give me line 17.

ok, the closest german, english or polish book? nvm i have english

"suddenly was. So I just said thank you a few times too, and Mum" ironically this is one of the normal lines in this book

4: What do you think about most?

the fact that I'll have to do something after school. and I don't know if i want to go to college or get a job bc i have no legitimate idea on what to do with my life. it gets overwhelming, just the lack of knowledge about the actual experience.

5: What does your latest text message from someone else say?

Ok

6: Do you sleep with or without clothes on?

with, tho i sleep with just shorts in summer

7: What’s your strangest talent?

not sure if it's a talent, but i can fall asleep anywhere

8: Girls… (finish the sentence); Boys… (finish the sentence)

girls are pretty. boys are pretty

9: Ever had a poem or song written about you?

by me, yes. no one else has written a poem about me specifically. nvm, tommie wrote one and it shall rest on my wall, or desk, i need to find a place for it

10: When is the last time you played the air guitar?

uhh i think last month?

11: Do you have any strange phobias?

i don't think so, but i am hella afraid of the possibly gigantic, terrifying things in the ocean depths that humans haven't discovered yet

12: Ever stuck a foreign object up your nose?

yep, beloved legos as a lil child

13: What’s your religion?

i can't ever remember the name, but i believe gods (from all religions) exist in some way or form. so i believe in different pantheons and etc.

14: If you are outside, what are you most likely doing?

walking my doggo, skateboarding, thinking about how to make the lives of my characters worse

15: Do you prefer to be behind the camera or in front of it?

behind it.

16: Simple but extremely complex. Favorite band?

uhmm the arctic monkeys? or the strokes

17: What was the last lie you told?

i know what i want

18: Do you believe in karma?

yes, the rule of three specifically

19: What does your URL mean?

i don't know. it's something me and my sis came up with and that's just my whole identity now.

20: What is your greatest weakness; your greatest strength?

uhh greatest weakness.. i can't finish things. strength is that I'm very stubborn so maybe I'll finish that thing out of spite

21: Who is your celebrity crush?

i grew up thinking crushes were like unicorns. my ex was odd enough to argue with that i didn't love her if i didn't have a crush on her. but I think if i had to guess.. selena gomez, especially in the role of alex russo in wizard of weverly street

22: Have you ever gone skinny dipping?

nope

23: How do you vent your anger?

i write angry letters. sometimes they're sad letters. i write a lot of letters. except i never send them out and no one made a movie about them :}

24: Do you have a collection of anything?

jars and witchy bottles, books? scented candles

25: Do you prefer talking on the phone or video chatting online?

phone calls are stressful enough as is, i don't need you to see my reading off what i frantically wrote to not stumble over my words

26: Are you happy with the person you’ve become?

i think so, yes, but that won't stop me from becoming better

27: What’s a sound you hate; sound you love?

hate flies buzzing right by my ear, love cat purring

28: What’s your biggest “what if”?

what if I'd been born in a place where it was illegal for me (nonbinary) to live, in a time when others thought of me as a curse?

29: Do you believe in ghosts? How about aliens?

they be chilling.

30: Stick your right arm out; what do you touch first? Do the same with your left arm.

right arm, doggo, left arm, pillow

31: Smell the air. What do you smell?

fresh air and doggo, because doggo is with me and I can't live without open windows

32: What’s the worst place you have ever been to?

i dunno tbh

33: Choose: East Coast or West Coast?

which one is less homophobic?

34: Most attractive singer of your opposite gender?

every gender is my opposite gender. selena gomez and justin timberlake

35: To you, what is the meaning of life?

to make it easier for people down the line

36: Define Art.

make thing, thing goes woo

37: Do you believe in luck?

yis

38: What’s the weather like right now?

it's nice actually, very sunny, slight breeze

39: What time is it?

12.59 am

40: Do you drive? If so, have you ever crashed?

i don't, but i once crashed into a fire department vehicle with my bike. bike ded.

41: What was the last book you read?

Crooked Kingdom by Leigh Bardugo

42: Do you like the smell of gasoline?

i legit ass don't know what gasoline smells like.

43: Do you have any nicknames?

many variations of my name, aka. Luce

44: What was the last film you saw?

i think it was Robin Hood: King of Thieves, but it might have been that half of spider-man homecoming i managed to watch with my poor internet

45: What’s the worst injury you’ve ever had?

oh man i dunno... it's not an injury, but i was very sickly as a lil kid and almost died :)

46: Have you ever caught a butterfly?

once, years ago

47: Do you have any obsessions right now?

hmmm horizon zero dawn i think

48: What’s your sexual orientation?

proud pansexual ^^

49: Ever had a rumour spread about you?

not really, i don't think they're big enough to be actual rumors,, meh

50: Do you believe in magic?

yis

51: Do you tend to hold grudges against people who have done you wrong?

meh. they suck, i know they suck, that's it.

52: What is your astrological sign?

cancer ♋

53: Do you save money or spend it?

i attempt saving. attempt

54: What’s the last thing you purchased?

for my own money, sweets. i bought lizards for my cats so they can brush their teeth from my dad's amazon acc

55: Love or lust?

luv

56: In a relationship?

nope, i buy my own cookies

57: How many relationships have you had?

1, kinda toxic toward the end, very stressful, don't recommend

58: Can you touch your nose with your tongue?

nu ><

59: Where were you yesterday?

on the fields walking my doggo

60: Is there anything pink within 10 feet of you?

yep, a pastel pink hoodie in my closet uwu

61: Are you wearing socks right now?

yis, thicc warm socks

62: What’s your favourite animal?

cats

63: What is your secret weapon to get someone to like you?

cuddles and food.

64: Where is your best friend?

bold of you to assume i have a best friend.

65: Give me your top 5 favourite blogs on Tumblr.

tommie-hildebrandt, kageyuji, nekomas-kuroo, joyful-soul-collector

66: What is your heritage?

I'm a demon boi from Poland tho that's not a thing to be proud of, i mean, look at the economy. awful.

67: What were you doing last night at 12AM?

sleeping, trying to sleep.

68: What do you think is Satan’s last name?

Pinkton. or Satan.

69: Be honest. Ever gotten yourself off?

this is such an odd combination of words i had to look it up. yea.

70: Are you the kind of friend you would want to have as a friend?

a friend who won't laugh at me when i ask them to order smth for me because I'm too anxious to.

71: You are walking down the street on your way to work. There is a dog drowning in the canal on the side of the street. Your boss has told you if you are late one more time you get fired. What do you do?

excuse me? i am saving the doggo wtf. f u boss, I'm gonna sell my tragic story to the news.

72: You are at the doctor’s office and she has just informed you that you have approximately one month to live. a) Do you tell anyone/everyone you are going to die? b) What do you do with your remaining days? c) Would you be afraid?

a) i tell my parents. b) live the hell out of them uwu c) nope uwu.

73: You can only have one of these things; trust or love.

trust.

74: What’s a song that always makes you happy when you hear it?

history maker - dean fujioka :]

75: What are the last four digits in your cell phone number?

3332

76: In your opinion, what makes a great relationship?

communication, trust, some more communication.

77: How can I win your heart?

let's not pretend to be something else to please each other, and bring some bitter chocolate.

78: Can insanity bring on more creativity?

maybe. it could. i don't have a say in it since my sanity is held by tape.

79: What is the single best decision you have made in your life so far?

eat the pizza. stop caring about others not liking me/parts of me. just living for myself uwu.

80: What size shoes do you wear?

uh i dunno how the american sizes work and i don't wanna look it up so, 39, 40 fits too.

81: What would you want to be written on your tombstone?

demon boi

82: What is your favourite word?

socks.

83: Give me the first thing that comes to mind when you hear the word; heart.

the bloody organ that sits in your chest and pumps blood into your body so you don't die.

84: What is a saying you say a lot?

uhm im not sure if that counts as a saying, but fake it till you make it

85: What’s the last song you listened to?

blinding lights - the weeknd

86: Basic question; what’s your favourite colour/colours?

oh a normal question people use for ice breaking, sea blue and pastel variations of it.

87: What is your current desktop picture?

like my wallpaper? or the actual picture that sits on my desk? or how my desk looks like atm? it's ugly, a lot of papers and pens and schoolbooks.

88: If you could press a button and make anyone in the world instantaneously explode, who would it be?

donald trump. or the next asshole who'll try to take the rights of the lgbt and poc away

89: What would be a question you’d be afraid to tell the truth on?

this. this is the question.

90: One night you wake up because you heard a noise. You turn on the light to find that you are surrounded by MUMMIES. The mummies aren’t really doing anything, they’re just standing around your bed. What do you do?

yo there's a pizza somewhere in the refrigerator, want me to heat it up? we can have a sleep over and talk about our feelings :3

91: You accidentally eat some radioactive vegetables. They were good, and what’s even cooler is that they endow you with the super-power of your choice! What is that power?

telekinesis! or shapeshifting! i could do such fun things with telekinesis ^^ yeah I'd totally eat some radioactive veggies

92: You can re-live any point of time in your life. The time-span can only be a half-hour, though. What half-hour of your past would you like to experience again?

that time my "friends" got me into shoplifting, half-hour is more than enough to punch some sense into my brain and develop good music taste

93: You can erase any horrible experience from your past. What will it be?

can i save this one? i don't think i have an experience horrible enough to be erased haha

94: You have the opportunity to sleep with the music-celebrity of your choice. Who would it be?

sleep as in.. uh no thank u. but I'm down for a sleep over with sam smith ^^

95: You just got a free plane ticket to anywhere. You have to depart right now. Where are you gonna go?

just me? what about my pets? my fam? it's lowkey illegal for me to go just anywhere without them owO

uhhmm, greece. imma become part of the greek pantheon out of pure spite. and maybe toronto canada.

96: Do you have any relatives in jail?

not any that i know of o.o

97: Have you ever thrown up in the car?

i think i may have but i honestly don't remember

98: Ever been on a plane?

nope, i dunno if i like planes, but I'd probably sleep if i were on one.

99: If the whole world were listening to you right now, what would you say?

yeet.

[dreaminginthedeepsouth]

* * * *

INTERVIEW: SAINT MISBEHAVIN’ WAVY GRAVY

by Richard Whittaker, Dec 21, 2010

One day I got a note from ServiceSpace founder, Nipun Mehta offering me tickets to a new documentary movie about Wavy Gravy. Would you like to go?

    I went. Although I was aware of Wavy Gravy as a cultural icon, I really knew very little about him. The film is a eye-opener. Michelle Esrick’s loving documentary, Saint Misbehavin’ - 10 years in the making - is a real introduction to this remarkable man. I'd never heard about Hugh Romney, the man who later became famous as Wavy Gravy. And what a story. I'll mention just one of its surprises: earlier in his life, Hugh Romney was Lenny Bruce's manager.

    A few weeks after seeing the film, at Mehta’s urging, I had the chance to interview Wavy Gravy himself.

Richard Whittaker:  How are you feeling about Saint Misbehavin’?

Wavy Gravy:  Oh, it’s a swell movie. I’m honored to be so well-documented, and the review in the New York Times was embarrassing. I’m not that good.

RW:  You said in the film that you’re an “intuitive clown.” Would you mind saying something about what that means?

WG:  I’m trained in the art of acting improvisation. That means acting on the spur of the moment rather than doing, say, the focused slow burn and all the traditional clown moves. I don’t do any of that.

RW:  So that would be about sensing the moment, what’s there, and taking in who you’re with.

WG:  Absolutely—and sensing what’s going on. I was, for a number of years, with The Committee in San Francisco. I taught improvisation at Columbia Pictures. Harrison Ford was one of my students and I’ve taught improvisation at Camp Winnarainbow for over thirty years.

RW:  I wanted to ask you about your history. For instance, in New York in Greenwich Village, you wrote poetry, right?

WG:  Yes I did.

RW:  Is any of it available? And is it something you’d want people to find?

WG:  There are a couple of slender volumes out there. I think you’d have to go to Amazon or eBay to find them. I don’t even have copies myself. But other people do and will lend them to me when I need them.

RW:  Do any titles stand out for you?

WG:  Kaleidoscope and there’s Joe’s Song, which is taught in a poetry class at the University of California at Berkeley. Would you like to hear it?

RW:  Please.

WG:  Okay. It goes like this:  “Once upon and ever since I was a child in a child’s world. I have wept a child’s tears and built a child’s wall of clay and stone and colored years of poems in paint and virgin gold. I sought to build a wall so tall from lion eggs from Gallilee, a brick of song among the dregs of silver nails and lesser men a mile long to kiss the sun and climb again. Once ago and ever now I stood a man on a child’s wall. I stopped and prayed to spider webs and roses of the sea. I spoke as one with all the earth and knew the pain of birth and death to be the same without my wall. Once upon and ever furled I stand alone with all the world.”

RW:  That’s beautiful.

WG:  I wrote it in 1960 or about then. I don’t write lyric poems very often. These days I mainly write haiku, usually when friends pass away, which is happening more and more frequently from natural causes. Also I’ve been having the good fortune to have my art exhibited, and I do a haiku to go with each piece.

RW:  I’m imagining that, as a younger man, you had certain visions and deep feelings that could have been a liability for living the conventional life.

WG:  I don’t think I ever had to contend with that one [laughs]. I live in the land of one thing after another. [speaking with an east Indian accent] “The sand only goes through the hourglass one grain at a time,” as some Hindu sage proclaimed. I’ve discovered that to be true.

RW:  Did you have mentors who supported you in Greenwich Village?

WG:  It was kind of amusing. I was going to theater school at Boston University, which was an amazing theater school. The finest directors in the world would come in and the whole college would read for a part. A freshman could get a lead. It was extraordinary. And if you weren’t cast in the production, you would be cast in the lighting crew or the costume crew or the stage crew. Then there was an upset about theater students not doing their social studies and the university attempted to move the campus of the theater school over to where the rest of the university was laid out. Just at that time, the teachers who had all been hired during the McCarthy blackball because they couldn’t work on Broadway, well, the blackball ended and they all quit. They went to work at the Neighborhood Playhouse in New York City, and they took me with them.

    But while I was at BU, I had read in Time Magazine about jazz and poetry in San Francisco. I thought, hey, I’ve written a couple of poems and I know some musicians. I can do that! So I got together with a bunch of artists from the museum school and we proceeded to take the basement of a bar called The Rock on Huntington Avenue. The place in the basement was called The Pebble in the Rock. We put in black tables and black clothes and mobiles and paintings and began doing jazz and poetry. It was the first jazz and poetry done on the East Coast. So I had the privilege of inaugurating the East Coast to jazz and poetry. I persisted in doing it for years in, of all places, Hartford Connecticut. On every Monday I would grab a bunch of musicians and go to Hartford and make substantial money. Otherwise I was going to the Neighborhood Playhouse and reading my poetry in the evenings at the Gaslight Café in Greenwich Village, as you saw in the movie.

RW:  That’s an amazing story. There was another thing you said in the film, “put your good where it can do the most.”

WG:  Which is the advice I gleaned from one of my mentors, the author and adventurer, Ken Kesey.

RW:  Did that kind of focus something for you?

WG:  Well, it lit up. It lit up. I had discovered that, somewhat. Whenever I would do a good thing, it made me feel good. I think I heard a preacher of color on television in the late fifties. He said, “It’s nice to be nice.” And that kind of hit a chord for me.

RW:  Do you think there’s a mix in what artists do? That in your poetry, part of it was trying to give something?

WG:  Hmmm, I don’t know. I was just trying to get out of the way and let whatever was inside of me come to the surface. In the early days, I was not all that consciously altruistic—although, in the early days of poetry, the poets were not paid. We used to pass a cornucopia around after an hour or so and people would put money in it. We made an embarrassing amount of money that way. Myself and Len Chandler, who was one of the first folk singers I brought into The Gaslight, he and I put on these capes with hoods—Len was an African-American and he had a motor scooter. And we would jump on the motor scooter at the end of the evening and drive down into the Bowery and find somebody passed out on the sidewalk. We’d stuff his pockets with money and drive off and find somebody else until we’d given away at least half of what we’d made in the course of the evening. It was a lot of fun.

RW:  That’s incredible. What do you think led you to do that?

WG:  I don’t know. It just seemed like a fun thing to do. We didn’t need all that money.

RW:  Do you remember the moment when Ken Kesey said “Put your good where it will do the most good”?

WG:  No.  But he told me a lot of stuff—like, “You should honor your mother and your father.” This comes out of the Bible. As soon as I learned that Kesey had written that, I forget how he worded it, I immediately called my mother and my father and honored them verbally as best I could. And it was illuminating for them and for me. Afterwards, I called Ken up to thank him. He said, “Well, it’s just so darn simple.”

RW:  I want to ask about giving and receiving. Do you have any thoughts in general, let’s say, about giving?

WG:  Giving seems to be easy for me. Receiving is the thing I’m just beginning to learn how to do with grace. It’s a work in progress, like the rest of me. Over the last thirty years I’ve experienced considerable physical difficulty, having had to receive a series of spinal surgeries and spending amounts of time in body casts. You have no alternative, or you starve. So it was necessary. I tell people I learned patience in the hospital. [there’s a pause] That’s a pun.

RW:   You’re right! [laughs]

WG:  And as my infirmities persisted, I learned to acquiesce to the moment and accept, with as much graciousness as I could muster, the assistance of people who offered it.

RW:  I bet this is true for lots of people, that it’s easier to give than to receive.

WG:  Right, but as I pointed out, I didn’t have much choice, as with a lot of the stuff that has happened to me in my life. Life situations have presented themselves and it was either sink or swim.

RW:  This reminds me of another part in the film. This is at Woodstock. You and the other members of The Hog Farm were brought there to be the police force for the whole event. You called yourselves “the please force.”

WG:  We were the Please Force. And we had also set up what we called the Trip Tent.

RW:  And there’s a part in the movie where you describe helping a young man who was having a bad acid trip.

WG:  As he came in ranting, this three-hundred pound Australian doctor laid on top of him and said, “Body contact. You need body contact” [said with an accent] and then a psychiatrist leaned in and said, [using another funny voice] “Just think of your third eye, man.”

   Then I figured it was time for me to make my move. I said, “Excuse me. I’d like to try something here.” And they all backed up. What’s this hippie going to do? That’s when I said, “What’s your name, man?”  

RW:  And he mumbled something…

WG:  I said, “No, your name.” He told me his name and I said it back to him. In fact, I said it back to him several times.

RW:  I noticed how very clear and emphatic you were when you got his name. “Okay, Bob. Bob, that’s your name.”

WG:  Your name is Bob.

RW:  Where did you get the knowledge of using that simple directness?

WG:  We’d spent some time on the psychotropic frontiers through the prankster days and beyond. It was not unfamiliar territory.

RW:  You knew something about being really concrete, and focused.

WG:  And through the greatest professor of them all, professor experience; and from courses at hard knocks university.

RW:  You’ve had a lot of hard knocks university experience, I think.

WG:  Yes. Well, that’s how you learn things.

RW:  You said in the film how you’d found you could get high without the psychotropic assistance. Could you say something about that again?

WG:  There are many ways to alter space. I do lots of breathing exercises, and I do mantras. Different people have different recipes to get to a space of consciousness and then to dwell in it for as long as you can, I guess. My own way is an amalgam of many different practices from many different lineages.

RW:  You evolved from Hugh Romney doing the poetry to where you were wearing a jester’s hat.

WG:  Between poems I used to talk about the bizarre things that happened to me during the day because it was really tedious just reading all these poems night after night after night.  Then a guy came along and said, look, skip the poetry. Just talk about your bizarre experiences. That’s how I got into doing stand-up.

    Lenny Bruce became my manager. I put out a couple of albums and toured the U.S. —and in fact, something of the world—doing stand-up before these other things came along.

RW:  Somewhere you left the jester’s hat and started dressing as a clown.

WG:  I was asked, when we had moved to Berkeley in the mid-seventies, to go the Children’s Hospital in Oakland and cheer up kids. On the way out the door of my house, someone handed me a red, rubber nose. I discovered it enabled me to get out of myself and be entertaining to the kids. After awhile, I began to paint my face up as a clown. Somebody gave me a costume, and a clown who was retiring from Ringling Brothers gave me his giant shoes. I worked with kids, with kids who were terminal, even, and did this almost every day for about seven years.

    At one point I had to go to a political rally at Peoples’ Park and I didn’t have time to take off my clown stuff. I discovered that the police didn’t want to hit me anymore. Clowns are safe.

RW:  Can you say more about what your experience at Children’s Hospital working with kids was like?

WG:  I discovered that not only was I helping the kids, I was helping myself. As I began to do this work, I’d gone through three major back surgeries and was in quite a bit of pain. But working with the kids I discovered that as I focused on the children and the pain they were in, I lost track of my own pain.

RW:  Is the clown an archetype you can inhabit?

WG:   Sure.

RW:  Do you think, “I’m a clown?”

WG:  I don’t know. I can’t see you.

RW:  [laughs] No. I have a long way to go. If I evolved, I might become a clown.

WG:  Well, you need to go to camp Winnarainbow. They’ll teach you to clown. It’d be good for you. I think John Townsend said it most brilliantly in The Book of the Clown, “A clown is a poet who is also an orangutan.” But clown comes from the word “clod” or bumpkin, and the red nose indicates they were drunk. But I found all this out later. Suddenly I have these big shoes on and [laughs] a nose and I’m painting my face up, and where does it all come from? I began to study it, and it’s very fascinating, the path of the clown and the jester.

RW:  What have you found out about being a clown? What has been revealed?

WG:  It enables me to go places I couldn’t go as a regular kind of guy. People feel challenged by people going where I go. But when I put on the patina of a clown I’m no challenge to them in any way.

RW:  What do you wish for people when you become a clown?

WG:  I wish that they would find joy in the moment. It’s like I expressed in the film, laughter is the valve on the pressure cooker of life. Either you laugh at stuff or you’re going to end up with your beans on the ceiling.

RW:  At camp Winnarainbow in the film it showed the labyrinth you have on the grounds…

WG:  It’s a unicursal Cretan labyrinth. The oldest one is 3000 years old and was found on the island of Sardinia. The more common labyrinth, like the one you see at Grace Cathedral came about during the 11th or 12th century when Europeans could not go to Jerusalem on pilgrimage. So they developed this other labyrinth, which is different from the Pagan labyrinth, which made it to Scandanavia, to India and somehow to Peru and to the sun temple at Mesa Verde. That’s where I first encountered it when I spent time living with the Hopi Indians for a few months.

RW:  How did that happen?

WG:  I was enamored of the Book of the Hopi by Frank Waters. And that’s where I first saw the labyrinth. According to the Hopi if there was a condition of planetary emergency the different races would gather on this mesa for instruction from the spirit world. So I showed up. They said, “You’re pretty early.” But they took pity on me and I got to hang out with them for a while.

RW:  Was anything given to you?

WG:  Not something that I would feel comfortable talking about, but yes—not so much from the people as from the geography.

RW:  So you brought this labyrinth to camp Winnarainbow, then?

WG:  Yes. I asked Minalanska, who was an elder, what that was. She said, “Oh Wavy Gravy, that’s just the master plan of the universe.” So I borrowed a pencil and wrote it down, and I’ve brought it everywhere I’ve gone ever since. I learned to draw it. Even with my first book, I’d sign it and draw that labyrinth.

RW:  Now how do you make use of the labyrinth at camp for the kids?

WG:  A teepee at a time, in the evening, the campers get to walk the labyrinth to beautiful music under the stars. If they do good things, they get strokes. If they do bad things they get strikes. Three strikes and you’re out. You can always work off strikes, but you can get enough strikes to be sent home, too. By doing things above and beyond the ordinary camper—for instance, if you get eight stokes in a two-week session, you get to walk into the center of the labyrinth. In the center, there’s also these crystals. You get to take a crystal out of the labyrinth and take it home.

RW:  Do you talk to the kids about the labyrinth?

WG:  Oh, sure.

RW:  What do you tell them?

WG:  I tell them that the labyrinth is not a maze. Mazes are designed to get you lost. Labyrinths are designed to get you found. And I ask them to think of each step as a prayer for peace. I tell them you go into the labyrinth and that there’s an energy in the center that I call the spirit of Gaia, the earth mother. I say that if you have cares or problems you can leave them in the labyrinth and come out perhaps lighter than when you went in. And that is sometimes helpful to young people.

RW:  In the film you made a comment to one kid that the labyrinth is inside of you.

WG:  Oh, I tell all the kids that. The true labyrinth is inside you.

RW:  That’s powerful. From the film, I see that your life has been a journey. Do you feel it that way?

WG:  Absolutely. It’s been a great adventure.

RW:  What are some of the changes from where you were and where you are today?

WG:  The things that are the most significant for me in my life are the circus and performing arts camp that I’ve run with my wife Jahanara for over thirty years. We do nine weeks for kids and one week for grown-ups. And the Seva Foundation is another. Through it I’m able to raise funds to help the blind regain their sight. Eighty percent of the blind people in the world don’t need to be—they can get their sight back.

    When we first started doing the work it was about five dollars for a cataract operation. Now it’s close to fifty dollars for the operation in third world countries. If you go to SEVA.org you can find out all about us. We’ve helped to orchestrate—it’s going on three million sight-saving operations. I get to put on concerts to raise funds to do that. I’m going to be seventy-five years old in May and I’m looking forward to doing a concert in the Bay Area at the Craneway Pavillion in Richmond and in New York City at the Beacon Theater. And also I’m facing another basic spinal surgery in January. So I’ve got a lot of stuff on my plate.

RW:  I know we don’t have much more time, but …

WG:  Eternity now, I always say.  That’s one of my favorite quotes. And we’re all the same person trying to shakes hands with our self. I think that’s a good one, too.

RW:  I like those quotes. It’s clear that you’ve spent a lot of time doing forms of service. Camp Winnarainbow seems to be a service.

WG:  Well, my greatest legacy is the children that have come out of camp over the last thirty years. Lots of the kids who started camp when they were seven are now running the camp. And I’m sure it will go on long after I’m gone.

RW:  Is that something one begins to learn, that the deepest gifts come when one can look beyond personal wants to take in the needs of others?

WG:  That is my want! [laughs] Put your good where it will do the most. I can’t say it any better.

[WORKS AND CONVERSATIONS]

[k7l4d4]

Owl House AU Ideas, fresh out of Spacebattles!

This here is a collection of ideas that I originally posted over on spacebattles, and sadly ended up not doing anything with. Let me know what you all think of them!

Idea THE FIRST!: Lost In a New World. The premise is that Belos does something that ends up destroying the Isles, with only a small portion of the residents making it off of the Isles to the Human World for safety, via Eda's Portal. The survivors are divided into those who lost faith in Belos or never had it to begin with, and those still loyal to him, with each side headed by Eda and Lilith respectively. To clarify, this all is supposed to take place BEFORE Canon. The destruction of the Isles results in shock-waves through the Human World in the form of tremors, with the resulting Chaos being enough for Camila to convince Principal Hal (I think I got the name right) to allow Luz to attend Summer Classes and a Therapist as opposed to Camp Reality Check, or expulsion. As a side-effect of the Isles' destruction, Magic has been released into the Human Realm, and is now gradually reproducing itself, though the effects aren't too noticeable by anyone right away. To gain info on how to best blend in with the humans, the two factions elect to send one of their own to a Human School in order to gather intel. The choice? Amity. (Gus through his hat into the running but was rejected when it became clear that he couldn't curb his enthusiasm)

Hmmm... I like some of this, and will clarify some points I deliberately withheld in my original posting to see what kind of response I would get. As for shelter and food, let's just say the destruction of the Isles wouldn't exactly be what could be considered CLEAN. Lots of random structures, plants, and animals fell into the Human Realm along with Magic, though not exactly in one piece. They were essentially consumed in a wave of magic, damaged as a result of it, transported to the Human Realm IN MIDAIR, and fell to the ground, with the left over magic from the transfer cushioning them enough for any damage to be negligible, if still highly unpleasant for those mentioned animals and plants. The residual magic basically sent the transported plants into a shock of growth, causing them to instantly put down roots, regardless of their orientation to the ground at the time. The structures... their state upon landing varied based upon the materials used to construct them, what state they were in when transported, and where they actually ended up landing. At least one Witch house ended up in a tree in the Amazon Rain Forest. Most shelter for them consists of whatever structures made it through near their arrival point, along with cooperation between what Construction and Plant Coven trained witches made it across, with Illusionists working together to keep suspicious folks away (for the sake of convenience, let's just say that some of each and every coven and a few outright Wild Witches made it off the Isles), and food is usually gathered through a combination of Plant and Beast Keeping witches, though they are currently trying to ration what they already have and have managed to gather. Initial long-term plans mostly consist of ensuring they can gather the resources they need to survive, and finding out as much about the Human Realm as they can to avoid possible conflict, with most contingencies being under-developed as a result of infighting, with the only concrete plan being to figure out how to construct a new portal and retreating somewhere else, or standing and fighting in the hopes of driving off whatever enemies come their way and carving out a settlement just for them. Suffice to say, they don't have a lot of options on the table that they all agree on. They didn't bring a whole lot of material, with most of the Witches who made it off prioritizing food and essential supplies, but some of the Construction and Beast Keeper Witches managed to wrangle the tools of their respective trades, and some Potion Witches managed to bring over their supplies and potions, as well as the tools to make more. Beyond the initial destruction of Belos' Castle, which was the first to go for plot convenience, the destruction of the Isles lasted approximately a week, starting with just the typical disasters of the Isles occurring slightly more than usual, and escalating to entire chunks of the Isles dropping into the sea, with some of the chunks being landlocked. No one really realized anything was wrong until about halfway through, and it wasn't until the last two days of the destruction that anyone who hadn't already managed to see the that "No, the Emperor isn't coming back and saving us from this mess" was willing to admit that they were basically doomed and decided to convince Eda who, as the only person on the Isles with a consistent source of Human Realm goods, was quickly deduced as having a way to there for help getting off the Isles, with Eda herself figuring out the oncoming destruction almost immediately, and basically spent the entire time selling as many non-essential goods as she could while transporting everything else to Earth and waiting for people to come groveling to her for help. For intelligence gathering... I am sorry if this comes across as rude, but you do realize that very FEW witches actually have a strong enough resemblance to Humans to serve as suitable for Intelligence Work, with a lot of witches having unusual traits even discounting the pointed ears, with one Witchling in particular having an Eyeball for a HEAD. That also applies to those that could mix with the Underworld, they still have very attention grabbing appearances. Also, Witches of the Boiling Isles, Eda included, are so out of touch and ignorant of Humanity as a whole that Amity is basically the only acceptable choice at the moment, as she has a sufficiently human-like appearance to pass muster, being an excellent student who can record a lot of potentially useful information, and having an unflappable demeanor to keep any and all surprise in regards to Human behavior and culture from leaking through and potentially giving away that she isn't what she seems. Seriously, the only things that managed to make her lose her cool in Canon were when she thought (correctly) that Willow was cheating, which she cannot stand, the end of the Covention Duel, where she was publicly humiliated, and Luz, after she developed her MASSIVELY OBVIOUS CRUSH! Even when she is very clearly furious, Amity can keep a civil, level demeanor up until the very end. The only Witch that would be a reasonable option is Willow, and she is supposed to be busy helping out with the Plant Witches in gathering food and assembling shelter, massively boosting her prestige with the other Survivors. I suppose Willow could be sent in as backup for Amity, as well as to serve as an additional source of info, but any other Witches would have to hang back until they gain enough info to pass as Humans. The reason I decided on having a Witchling to act as the informant was because, even if they have any kind of odd behavior that would attract attention, eccentricity is much more tolerated among children than adults, even in an intolerant town or community, or at least that is how I understand it, as adults who don't fit whatever accepted mold is going on usually having nothing to fall back on, whereas kids usually have it treated as a phase, even when it is very clearly not or when it is treated harshly by others. As for easy money, the Witches still need to have a basis of understanding for Human Culture before they can start with that, though I agree that it is going to happen eventually. Any and all Lumity isn't going to happen until way later, and will NOT be the focus beyond being a convenient justification for gags based on Amity's behavior around Luz.

Idea THE SECOND!: Gargoyles. The premise is that their exists a subset of witches with abilities beyond the usual; they are, you guessed it, Gargoyles! Gargoyles are identical to other witches, aside from small, nearly unnoticeable horns at their hairline, and vestigial glider-style wings affixed to their upper arms and back. Gargoyles are naturally stronger, faster, and surprisingly lighter than other witches, and have a natural connection with Wild Magic that can flare up at any time. Gargoyles need to be constantly hydrating, or they will freeze up like a statue, with a solid indicator as to whether or not a Gargoyle is about to freeze is when their skin takes a noticeably gray-ish tone and gains a rock-like texture; the freeze will reverse when they are exposed to a significant enough source of water, at least enough to drench them entirely. Gargoyles occasionally enter a state known as "The Rage," in which they expand in size and enter a berserker style frenzy, usually occurring in moments of extreme stress and panic/anger. Gargoyles are treated as second-class citizens at best, ostracized and hunted at worst, with Gargoylism being undetectable until puberty starts. Amity is a Gargoyle in this AU, and the heavily implied emotional abuse she suffers in canon shifts to physical when it becomes apparent she is a Gargoyle, with regular threats made of what will happen to her if word of her status gets out. Lilith is also a Gargoyle, with only Belos and Eda being aware of her condition.

Priestess!: Premise, Camila, pregnant with Luz, ends up on the Boiling Isles, and, after scrounging to survive, during which she gained a friendly acquaintance relationship with Eda, ends up in the not so tender mercies of the Emperor's Coven. It also just so happens that Luz is a natural born Priestess of the Titan, who is NOT happy with the way Belos is running things. In order to keep things under wraps, Belos takes in the two, raising Luz in extreme isolation, while Camila is basically kept under house arrest. Luz has no idea that she is human she has been so deeply isolated from others, and is genuinely confused by her inability to perform magic. Lilith and Camila strike up a friendship, during which Camila slowly breaks down Lilith's delusions over the nature of what she has done and the relationship she has with her sister, who she does not know is Eda, and bonding over their mutual fondness and exhaustion over the ever excitable Luz. Belos is operating under the belief that if he can keep Luz pacified, the Titan will grant him back its favor, not knowing that his insistence one retaining his policies and methods as they are are what gained its ire, and is basically running down the clock on a time bomb. Camila has grown to accept her stay on the Isles, and even enjoys it from time to time, you know, aside from the whole "held against her will in an ominous castle" thing she has to deal with, but desperately wants to return to Earth with Luz. The storyline kicks off in full when Luz accidentally wonders out of the castle and makes her way through Bonesburough, and meets the Eda in the market. Luz has a direct bond with Magic at the spiritual level, not just the magic of witches and the Wild Magic her Canon self wielded, but all magic, making her incredibly powerful when she finally comes into her own, and her connection with the Titan allows her prophetic impulses, insight into any potential danger that may befall her and the nature of those around her and the magic they wield. Don't worry about her being a Mary Sue, her magical abilities, aside from her mental based ones like her danger sense, are horrifyingly unreliable; they either don't work when she needs them to, or she just flat out can't control them in any sense when they are cast. Also, due to being so sheltered, Luz has even less of a survival instinct them in Canon, resulting in her walking into what could be easily considered a literal death sentence without any form of hesitation. Her isolated early childhood has resulted in an unreliable world view, as she has an unsettling mix of teenage hormones, emotions, and impulses, with all the care, control, and understanding of a five year old on a sugar high. Still sweet as a button, but her naivety often frightens those around her, as she is perfectly willing to inflict fatal injuries on another person, simply because she was never taught why she shouldn't; to clarify, if she has fatally injured someone, she WILL be upset if they die, even if they were a massive jerk who tried to kill her first, she merely doesn't understand how her actions could have resulted in their death. When Eda pegs on to just how messed up this version of Luz can be, mentally speaking, she genuinely worries about Luz trying to rape someone the first time she experiences sexual attraction to someone, as Luz confirmed to her that she knows what sex is, but has no understanding of consent in any sense of the word. This is not meant to be a lighthearted prompt, in any way. Though I guess anyone interested could change it into something less... scream/cringe inducing.

Where Were You?!: This is a twist on the classic role swap. It basically hinges on my Head-Canon that Luz once visited the Boiling Isles as a child (Seriously, she, on her first try, created what was apparently a perfect taxidermy replica of a Boiling Isles style Griffon, and only received confirmation she was right when she actually visited the Isles. That is far too much of a coincidence for me). In this premise, Luz and Amity both end up stumbling into portals leading to the Demon and Human Realms respectively, and both are INCREDIBLY YOUNG when this happens, like around 4 or 5 each. Luz, lost and alone in the incredibly dangerous woodlands of the Isles is taken in by LILITH! Note: This Lilith is a member of the Emperor's Coven, and has not switched places as a Wild Witch with her sister, but, due to certain circumstances, loses her trust and faith in the Emperor and in the Coven system, only staying out of a self-admitted misplaced sense of guilt and obligation. After heading into the Woods to vent her frustrations about life, the Emperor, and her choices, she stumbles across Luz after she had been attacked by the wildlife. It... it wasn't pretty. Overcome with horror over what had happened to a literal child, and probably projecting her grief over her ruined relationship with Eda onto the event, Lilith rushes to save her, but, due to the sheer extent of Luz's injuries and how much is... missing, she is forced to improvise, using a series of forbidden spells and some stolen body parts, along with her own blood, to literally put Luz back together. The trauma is so intense, Luz loses all her memories, including her name, and is subsequently adopted and renamed Lucelyn by Lilith. Amity, upon arriving in the Human Realm, is scared, confused, and hopelessly lost. She essentially wanders around the woods Luz Canonically chased Owlbert through in the first episode, avoiding predators only due to her underdeveloped magic and sheer luck. After days of no food, poor shelter, and limited water, which she only got due to a scare about the rain, Amity FINALLY stumbles her way out to civilization, ecstatic to be free of the woods, hopeful to find her family... and gets hit by a car. She lives, obviously, but her being taken into the hospital following the hit leads to some... awkward discoveries. Like with Luz, the trauma she experienced messed with her memories, but she does retain some. She has fond, if unclear, memories of Willow, and a deeply disturbing to witness panic to the words "Mother, Father, Mom, Dad, Family, etc." The revelations on her anatomy, and how it differs from humans, is something that results in her being called into the hospital for observation and study for years to come, or at least up until Canon time. Due to the potential fallout of the discovery of both her anatomy and DNA getting out, all of Amity's hospital records are highly classified, and officially listed as benign but irreversible/irremovable birth defects, and she is required to take a supplemental drinks to help replenish her bile. After the initial panic over the fact that no, humans are not the only sapient species on earth, is over, Amity is given to a mildly despondent Camila to care for. She doesn't properly remember her original name, and answers to Amy. Lilith raised Luz to the best of her ability... which isn't saying much. While Lilith genuinely loves and cares for Luz, she has no idea how to raise a child, and the accident and subsequent "healing" she received as a youngster really screwed her up. She can perform magic, due to the witch parts fused into her along with Lilith's blood and genetic information, but her control is so deeply connected to her emotion that, if she were to lose her temper, any spell she cast would instantly shift targets to the source of her current ire. The only way she can actually control her spells is to use glyphs, the use of which Lilith encourages in her newfound contempt for the Emperor, and training wands. Due to Lilith's poor child rearing skills, Luz isn't exactly well adjusted, often switching between cool yet kind, to polite but hostile, with her wishy-washy personality often being the source of teasing among her friends, though she is still the same sweet, excitable girl she is in canon, as demonstrated by her taking over Amity's Canon duty of reading to the kids. Amity inherited Luz's canonical trouble with making friends, with most people finding her appearance, particularly those aspects which give away her heritage, frightening. Amity is a sweetheart, but timid and severely lacking in confidence. After rediscovering her magic shortly after moving in with Camila, who loves Amity like she truly was her daughter in spite of her emotional hurt over Luz's disappearance, Amity made it a point to study and discover as much about magic as she possibly could, relentlessly researching any and magical knowledge the Human Realm has, with many of the ancient traditions of humans themselves translating into workable spells and magic practices. Amity is a huge nerd, but also one of the best jocks in her school, which helps counterbalance her otherwise less than stellar reputation as a klutz and a slacker. She isn't actually a slacker, but her obsessive magic research has given her a mild case of chronic insomnia, resulting in her randomly falling asleep at the strangest of times and places, including in class. Amity liberally takes inspiration for her magic from a variety of sources, including blatant ripoffs from anime, though she usually saves those for special occasions, with a lot of her spells falling under the umbrella of "Awesome but Impractical."

Willow is very different as opposed to Canon. After Amity's disappearance, and subsequent funeral after her parents gave her up as dead, Willow felt the need to toughen up. She never once believed that Amity had died, and wished to grow stronger to ensure she would be able to keep her safe when (and Willow knew it was a matter of when, not if) Amity managed to return. This training culminated in the second-year anniversary of Amity's funeral, where she met Boscha. Boscha, being, well, Boscha, didn't make the best impression on Willow, not that it mattered later. A tremor ripped through the area, opening up a deep crevasse beneath Boscha, nearly sending her plummeting to her doom, only to be saved by Willow in an impressive, not to mention frightening, display of Plant Magic. The incident led to Willow being hailed as a hero, and a local celebrity, but Willow quickly pegged on to how people, particularly those with known agendas, were cozying up to her in the hopes of gaining favor with the new local darling. To protect herself, Willow grew cold and distant, maintaining a professional distance from everyone at all times. She was eventually approached by Luz, and grew fond of her when it became clear Luz didn't give a hoot about her status or power. Boscha never fully recovered from the shock of her brush with death. The fall left her sullen and riddled with self-doubt, destroying her faith in her skills, along with resulting in her developing a fascination with Willow, going out of her way to confront her, only to be brushed aside like dirt on the road every time, which really didn't help her low self-esteem. Her self doubt translated itself to all aspects of her life, leaving her near totally isolated and struggling academically, with the only person willing to really interact with her being Skara. Her only outlet is her Grudgby skills, which allow her to vent her frustration and gain something resembling respect. Gus is much more mischievous than in Canon, as well as even more insecure. After his status as a mild prodigy became apparent, resulting in him skipping a few grades, Luz quickly took an interest in Gus, and subsequently took him under her wing, acting as a shield to those who would bully or dismiss him due to his age. While this has made him more comfortable in his skills, it has also resulted in a mild form of hero-worship in regards to Luz, constantly fearing that if he can't measure up to her expectations (she has none) that she will abandon him to fend for himself. Due to this self-doubt, Gus is envious of Willow's power, as it means, in his mind, that her position with Luz is secure, though Willow herself is indifferent to his feelings on the subject; they are both more Luz's friends than they are each other's friends. Due to Luz protecting him from bullies, Gus is far more willing to use his magic to goof off, even more so than how he uses his clones to skip class. Skara is a peppy cheerleader type girl, so kind that she genuinely struggles with saying a mean word to, well, anyone! As a result of never having to go along with Boscha's bullying, as it often seemed to me like her Canon self was just doing it because it was expected of her, she is highly empathetic, acting as willing listener to other's problems, and a comforting shoulder to cry on. She is fascinated by music and art in any form, and eagerly shakes Amity down for everything she has to offer. Because she associates with someone so far down the social ladder compared to Canon, Skara isn't nearly as popular, but her kindness means she is highly regarded by pretty much everyone, even Willow smiles when talking to her. Lilith is a persistent worrywart in regards to Luz, calling her at all hours of the day to make sure she is okay. She is cognizant of the fact that she didn't do a good job raising Luz, and has constructed a thousand and one practice apology letters in case she ever meets Luz's biological family. Due to her newfound contempt for the Emperor, she makes no real effort to apprehend Eda, and makes it a point to be as amicable as possible when talking with her. The only real point of contention between them on her own end is that Lilith frequently criticizes Eda for not using her status as the greatest Wild Witch to gather followers and build a power base for herself, often punctuated by her ominously rubbing her hands together, which Eda finds unsettling in the extreme, though Lilith will often backtrack and (poorly) change the subject whenever anyone calls her out on her blatantly treasonous thoughts, including Eda. Lilith has developed a habit of muttering schemes to dethrone the Emperor when she thinks other people aren't listening, and cackling maniacally, which often causes people to stare and ask if she's okay. While aware that she did a poor job rearing her, Lilith is insanely proud of Luz, willing to pull out a ridiculously large number of photos (or whatever the BI equivalent is) to shove in people's faces, including Eda. One of Eda's newest escape strategies is to ask Lilith how Luz is doing, as it instantly makes her drop whatever she is currently doing to ramble on about how proud she is and what Luz has most recently accomplished; everyone, including Lilith herself, agrees that it is annoying. As a result of no longer having Amity to push all their negative attention to, the Blight parents switched to the Twins, who they are much more critical of their faults now that they don't have Amity as a deliberate scapegoat. Emira was subjected to an immense amount of scrutiny due to her position as the (slightly) more responsible twin, and was aggressively pushed to be the perfect Blight. While she can put up the act, Emira deeply resents both of her parents, and eagerly awaits the opportunity to slip their control. She despises how they brushed aside Amity's disappearance, and while putting up the goody-two-shoes act, she longs for the good old days of pulling pranks and teasing her little sis. Edric was shoved aside, regarded as an embarrassment now that Amity was no longer around for him to look good in comparison to. Because he wasn't subjected to the same expectation of being the face of the Blight Family Emira was, he lashed out in the extreme, garnering a reputation as an out of control troublemaker and was switched to the Detention Track for all that he has done. On the few occasions that he and Em have been able to slip away from their parents' notice, they act similarly to Canon, but with a noticeable tension between them. Both latch onto Luz as a surrogate sister, though they both are adamant that she is not and can never be a replacement for Amity, and affectionately nickname her Kittens as a reference to her love of cats and her catlike capriciousness. They are the first to peg onto the fact that "Amy" might be the missing member of the Blight family, as she reflexively hissed upon hearing the name Mittens, something Amity did when younger when the twins first started using the nickname as a way to tease her, though they are both apprehensive over the idea out of fear of being wrong. How's about that? Oh, and before I forget, as a result of Amity repeatedly casting magic and testing spells in the Human Realm, magic has slowly started to accumulate and proliferate over the years, resulting in several groups with magic and magic-adjacent practices and beliefs to discover that they suddenly have true powers, much to their shock and delight. Also, I head-canon that residents of the Boiling Isles treat a lot of stuff that is exceptionally weird on Earth as being a result of their influence, and, because of the whole "banished the giraffes" thing, that they often brought over creatures and things from the Human Realm out of a belief that it was actually theirs. When they couldn't stand the giraffes anymore, they sent them back to where they originally found them, and that was that. They didn't realize that the small portion they had originally taken was such a small part of them, and probably never will. Edit: I know that the Twins almost definitely received plenty of negative attention from their parents in Canon, I just feel that Amity originally got the Lion's Share due to physically standing out more and not being as inherently talented. Without those traits around to target, they switched to attacking the twins over their trouble-making ways.

To break it down; firstly, I am basing some of these decisions on Canon elements, with Amity being considered frightening/weird looking being a result of her biological traits, yes, but also because she would be growing up in Luz's hometown which, apparently, doesn't have a good track record with ANYTHING even remotely unusual, as a lot of what got Luz in trouble back in the Human Realm was weird, but ultimately very much harmless stuff that apparently was enough to send all the other kids screaming. Seriously, the most dangerous things Luz did were the spiders and the snakes, everything was just, well, weird! So, I think it would be fair to say that Luz's school wouldn't react well to Amity's appearance, or it would at least create some kind of obstacle social wise. For the bile thing, a sample to analyze would be taken shortly after bringing her in after the accident, at least once they peg onto the fact that she isn't exactly human. The drink wouldn't be made early on, I was honestly thinking it wouldn't be available until she was entering her preteens. The drink would be to stimulate her body's natural production and reproduction of bile, like those medicines used to help with blood loss. I head-canon that using magic in the Human Realm is very taxing for Witches as they don't have the ambient magic of the Titan to draw on to bolster their reserves and accelerate their recovery, though particularly powerful Witches would need to seriously work if they wanted to even make a dent in their own reserves. Amity's experiments with magical techniques early on are supposed to be what kick off the development of the drink, as she only has the reserves of a child and is using a lot of magic in an environment where she can't recover easily. I also head-canon that bile is merely metabolized when Witches cast magic, it NEEDS to be metabolized when Witches cast magic at that, and as such all Witches have the exact same amount of bile, discounting variances in weight, height, etc. A Witch's magical power is based on how much magic they use in relation to how much bile they "burn" at any given time. The idea that Camila is one of Amity's original nurses... I LIKE IT!! But as to the government thing, they don't immediately know, as the vast majority of Hospitals are privately owned businesses and don't actually answer to the government. I'd say that, depending on how many shenanigans she gets up to, Amity has a solid year before the government finds out about her, at which point they essentially take over the research into Amity, who I will remind you is suffering significant memory loss in regards to her past and was an incredibly young child when she came to the Human Realm so anything she knew would be massively incomplete to start with, and more or less leave everything alone once they cotton on to just how bad it would be take an apparently super-powered alien child from her foster mother to experiment on her. As for Reality Check, I haven't figured that part out yet, or if I'll keep it at all. For native magic users and the jumpstarting of magic on Earth... I have two ideas about how magic functions in The Owl House. The first type is internally originating magic, otherwise known as Witchcraft, which is where bile comes in, and externally originating magic, otherwise known as Shamanism and Wild Magic, which draws on magic from one's environment. Magic returning to the Human Realm is something I envision as being well under way for quite some time, with Amity jumpstarting the process being due to her living there for years, casting magic constantly, or near enough, in her research, merely acting as the straw that broke the camel's back in this scenario; she didn't actually start it so much as she accidentally finished it, and even that took a few years. Witchcraft would be like what you said, human descendants of Witches using proto-bile sacks to fuel their abilities, whereas Shamans would be useless until the Magic Jumpstart actually happens. Witchcraft doesn't actually need circle drawing, it was just the preferred method of BI Witches, so much so that it is now partially built into them. Shamanism always needs some kind of symbol-based focus, or something that has been infused with magic, preferably something that once was or was at least part of something alive at some point. I also head-canon that, due to the supplement speeding up recuperation times, Amity practices magic a LOT, so she has gradually gotten better at metabolizing her bile to perform spells and such, making her much more powerful than she would be at that age, the only problems being that, due to her obsessive studies, her understanding of the various types of magic she can perform are patchy, relegating her skills to either the absolute basics, or Awesome but Impractical; to give an extreme example if this, in one particular school of magic, she knows exactly two spells, one that will move any object within her line of sight exactly one foot in any unobstructed direction so long as she can physically move it on her own if need be, and one that involves summoning a beam of light strong enough to destroy a house made out of concrete that can only be performed during a thunderstorm on a full moon while standing on one leg and blindfolded (that particular spell was created whilst the original caster was drunk out of their mind on a dare, and no one, not even the creator themselves, are sure who thought it was a good idea to write it down).

This is a free to use collection for anyone looking for something to try their hand at or to sink their teeth into. Note: Some of the story elements I used to build this were ones found within the fandom rather than my own opinions on the characters in question.