#hard not to be really upset and mad now that im just sort of lost and tired 😔

[honeyhobbs]

Trying to draw again 😔 so obviously had to be gaz

[captainshorter]

Sort of part 2? I already made another version from a scene with Babe but now i'm doing this scene for Charlie:) (I hope this is not stupid, im using a big part of what was shown in the show in this writing but i'm also adding a bit more of my own interpertation of these two scenes, because i feel like they're pretty important for each character) Word count: 671 words

The guilt was eating Charlie up alive. At first he didn't really feel guilty about planning his fake death. Along with needing all his energy and focus on recovery, he thought it for the better. Even if it did hurt Babe, it was for the best and would only guarantee his safety. That didn't mean Charlie didn't miss him, no on the contrary, he missed Babe a lot. When he heard Jeff's voice talking with Uncle Ravel, he slowly pushed himself up. All of his limps were sore and his head was heavy, he couldn't help but groan. Jeff turned to Charlie as he spoke up.

"So you went to stay with P'Alan?" Jeff rushed over to Charlie and grabbed his shoulder as he noticed his brother was awake. He slowly guided Charlie to sit. Jeff didn't answer Charlie's question but instead asked a question himself, "How are you P'?"

Charlie felt unsteady and wobbled sligthly against Jeff as he finally sat upright. He squinted his eyes against the bright light outside and pushed the blanket off of him.

"I'm not dead yet." Charlie respondedly vaguely. Honestly he was feeling terrible, his head felt like it was gonna burst, but he wasn't gonna say that to his brother. It was his own idea so he had to suffer the consequences quietly.

"What's the situation now?" Charlie suspected he had missed a whole lot of important events.

"Everything went as planned. Tony is mad that you're dead. He has Kenta search for new alpha children everywhere," Jeff rubbed his hands together in an absentmindly movement but Charlie still noticed, "The team has figured out that Dean is a spy. So now everyone has moved to P'Alan's house. P'Babe, P'North and P'Sonic, even including Kim." That surpised Charlie, the last time he heard about Kim he was still being held captive by Tony.

"Oh really?" was all he could say.

"What else can they do? Everyone was devestated by your death," Jeff looked at Charlie's face when he said the next words, "Especially P'Babe." Charlie frowned and looked at his lap.

"Is he very sad?" It sounded like a stupid question, because obviously Babe would be sad. But Charlie needed to know how sad Babe was.

"You died right in front of his eyes, how could he not be sad. It will take a while for him to accept it." It's because of this sentence Charlie started doubting this idea. He had thought about Babe being hurt by his plan, of course he had. But Charlie hadn't expected Babe to take his dead really hard. Maybe Charlie should have seen it coming from the way Babe had reacted when Charlie offered to give him his senses back, he got angry at him every time Charlie mentioned it. It made him want to call Babe or at least let him know he was okay but he couldn't, it would destroy the plan and all their hard work.

Jeff understood Charlie's silence and continued speaking, "I know that you are just as upset. But don't forget, the one who proposed this plan was you. You know how Babe will be." Jeff was right, of course he was but that still didn't help the horrible feeling in his gut. Charlie turned his head and looking at his hands in his lap, frowning ever deeper than he did before.

Jeff handed him his glasses and Charlie took them without saying a word, lost in his own mind. He wanted to call Babe, wanted to tell him it was all okay. He wanted to comfort him but he couldn't but instead he was left with a feeling in his stomach that made him want to throw up.

Jeff touched his knee and rubbed his thumb softly in a comforting gesture. "We'll take care of P'Babe, don't worry." But that was the only thing Charlie could do, worry about Babe. It was only a tiny bit of comfort that Charlie knew Jeff and Alan were looking out for him.

[turtle-steverogers]

i was thinking but do you know the unsent project? it is this website where you can write a message to your first love that you never sent to them. now imagine steve writing one (or multiple) to bucky after he came out of the ice after nat told him about it... yeah

hello hi anon this broke me and it was too perfect not to turn into a ficlet klafjldskjfalskf thank you

-

Unsent Letters

To:

Steve’s fingers freeze over the keyboard, the cursor blinking at him. It feels like it’s taunting him-- teasing him with the burden of choking out a name. What should he even say? The sender is anonymous, but how many people are named Bucky out there? Would anyone even care?

To: Bu

Steve huffs and backspaces, his hands trembling as he curls them into fists. He isn’t sure what provoked Natasha to tell him about this website. It’s a cruel tease to everything he wishes he could say-- wished he could say before Bucky slipped through his fingers. And now his only option is yelling into an abyss. The text box is black and daunting. He turns it yellow. No, too happy. Green. Yes, that’s fine. Bucky’s favorite color was always green.

His gaze wanders away from the screen of his hefty Dell laptop and out the window of his apartment. DC’s low rising buildings span out in front of him. His gut aches; he misses New York already. But he knows being there would only mangle his soul further, seeing his already alien home torn to shreds by literal space whales. He huffs, thinking of Bucky’s comics. His stories came to life after all. Bucky would have probably vibrated out of his skin if he knew there was other life out there.

To: My astronaut

How’s space treating you? It’s treating me pretty badly, if I’m being honest. If only you could see what it’s done to Brooklyn. I think you’d be pretty mad at it if you knew…

Steve hesitates, reading back over what he’s typed. It’s stupid as hell, and he cringes, but he doesn’t backspace. His fingers find the keys again.

I miss you something awful. I don’t think that even encompasses how much I’m hurting without you. I feel so lost right now-- space is much bigger and scarier than you’d think. I know you’d love it. I wish you could see bits of it, but god, I just want to go home. I want you to come home.

Steve freezes again and finds the screen blurry where tears have welled in his eyes. His jaw clenches as he pictures the way Bucky would laugh at him-- teasing him for his dramatics and ruffling his hair. He wishes he could be there now, rolling his eyes and nudging Steve’s shoulder.

“What’re you upsetting yourself for?” He’d say, gently closing the laptop and coaxing Steve into his arms. “I’m right here, pal.”

And if Steve closes his eyes, he can almost feel Bucky’s warmth enveloping him. But he’s not there. He’s dead, and Steve’s a goddamn ghost, drifting through a future that doesn’t know him.

He opens his eyes and stares at the text box, then clicks submit.

The screen loads, and his message is gone, his pain forever documented in the abyss.

-

For someone who fought aliens two weeks after waking up from his impromptu seventy year sleep, Steve’s life is pretty monotonous. He contemplates this unfortunate fact as he stands in front of his toaster, hair sticking up on the back of his head as he nurses a mug of coffee and waits for his toast to pop.

It’s 5:45 in the morning and he tries to remember a time when he didn’t rise this early. Before the war, perhaps. Though, he’s always been a bit of an early bird. His home life was sporadic to put it lightly and he’d learned from an early age that the sooner he was awake, the better it was for everyone. Vigilance is not a new concept for Steve.

He hasn’t always stayed up late, though. That’s certainly new, and he feels this fact viscerally as he catches sight of his reflection in the microwave. There are bags under his eyes that will be gone by mid-morning thanks to the serum. Dermatologists hate him, Natasha says. Steve thinks he’s pretty lucky that the serum more or less equipped him with a built-in anti-aging agent. His father had started balding by thirty.

His toast pops and he starts a little, blinking blearily at the slightly burnt bread as he pulls it out of the toaster with his thumb and forefinger. He spreads on the same raspberry jam and butter that he uses every morning and tries not to think of how bland it tastes in his mouth as he eats it standing at the counter. Another routine.

He tries not to look at last night’s dishes in the sink as he stacks his plate and silverware on top and doesn’t bother sorting out his hair before pulling on his sneakers and slipping out of his apartment. The sun hasn’t quite risen yet, only the beginning tendrils of light sneaking over the low tops of the DC buildings, and Steve vaguely regrets not grabbing a sweatshirt before he left. It’s not quite Summer yet and the mornings could still get pretty cool.

He’s about to take off down the street when he freezes. Natasha is sitting on the steps of his complex, wearing a pair of pink tinted sunglasses and tossing up and down the keys to her car. Steve blinks, rubs his eyes, then blinks again. Nope. She’s still there.

“Nat?”

Natasha looks up at him and smiles. “Hello.”

Steve shifts, uncomfortable. “Hi. You need something? Is there a mission?”

“No,” Natasha says lightly, standing. “You’re not running this morning, though. Come on, I’m taking you to Starbucks.”

“What?”

“Starbucks. You’re going to try it.”

“I don’t want--”

“Steve, you do the same thing every day. Step out of your comfort zone a little.”

Steve frowns, but Natasha’s right-- he really doesn’t ever stray from his routine.

“Fine,” he says, and twenty minutes later, they’re strolling into the nearest Starbucks.

He’s only been in one before, and that was to use the restroom while on a run. He’d bought a water bottle in an attempt to not be rude and use their facilities without giving them any business, but he hadn’t even considered the expansive menu. All the fancy names were too daunting.

They’re just as daunting now as he stares up at the board, heart hammering out of his chest as he’s faced with indecision. Natasha takes one look at his face, and reaches out to squeeze his arm.

“I’ll order something for you,” she says. “What kind of coffee do you like?”

Steve gives her a pained look. “Um… just coffee?”

Natasha quirks a smile and orders him something called a caramel macchiato. He’ll take it, he guesses.

The drink is too damn sweet and sugary and he almost gags. Still, he was always told to finish what he was given, so he drinks the whole thing.

-

To: Mr. Sweet Tooth

You’d fucking love it here. Everything is packed with sugar and sweetness-- enough to make even my teeth rot. I had something called a caramel macchiato today and it tasted like someone took your ma’s caramels and condensed them into a cup. I couldn’t stand it, but I know if you were here, you’d want at least twelve. I hope you’re enjoying all the sweets you can up in space.

Love, Mr. Boring

-

Steve’s fingers are stiff and frozen as he works at the straps of his stealth suit. The tangy taste of saltwater still sits heavy on his tongue, and he clenches his jaw to keep his teeth from chattering too harshly as he finally peels off his suit. It’s not much better, being naked, but at least the wet fabric isn’t clinging to him anymore.

The mission had been pretty straightforward until some alien tech managed to blast the quinjet to kingdom come, and they all free-fell straight into the freezing Atlantic.

Steve had managed to keep it together as they took down the goddamn mad scientist that fucked them over, but now that he’s home and alone, he can feel the adrenaline crashing.

He’s shaking from more than just the cold as he draws himself a warm bath, and he pulls his knees up to his chest, trying to breathe through the panic that wants to engulf his entire being.

He loses time for a bit, and comes back to himself lying in his bed, burrowed under several thick layers. He feels so cold, down to his very soul-- a chill that he can never seem to truly shake, even when he’s warm.

Not for the first time, he wishes Bucky were there to hold him. He slips off to sleep thinking old, comforting thoughts of Bucky rubbing his hands between his own, coaxing his head under his chin to engulf him in that natural warmth of his. He always was a fucking furnace.

But when Steve wakes an hour later, shaking hard enough to move the bed with the force of the nightmare he’d dropped into, Bucky is not there to soothe away the ice.

-

To: JB

im so cold and i cant breathe ever and nothing feels right. I dont know what to do, u were always the problem solver between us and i cant think straight right now and i just want you here please. I cant do this anymore, im so tired please come back. I need you please

-

The Winter Soldier file sits in front of Steve-- a horrifying nightmare wrapped up in a neat brown folder. Residual nausea swirls around in his gut as he comes down from the horrible high of reading through the contents. His hands shake where they grasp the thick paper. His heart clenches hard in his chest.

Bucky is alive. Bucky is alive, and he’s been unmade.

Steve doesn’t know where he is-- if he’s escaped, or if Hydra found him again. It’s been three weeks now since the helicarriers, and he’s only just gotten the courage to sit down and wade through the shit that is Bucky’s reality.

He just hopes he’s safe. God, he hopes.

Sam says he’ll help him look, and Steve needs to know he’s at least out of danger, but he barely knows where to start.

And he’s sorry. He’s so fucking sorry.

Blinking out of his reverie, Steve looks at his laptop. He feels strange and detached as he reaches for it and logs in.

To: Bucky

And yes, that feels right. He should use his name, since he suspects no one has for a long, long time.

I’m so sorry for what happened to you. I’m sorry that you’ve been hurting so quietly for so long. I understand if you’re not ready to come home-- I understand if you never are. I just hope that you know that there will always be a place with me that is safe. I love you so much and I’m here, forever and always.

Love, Steve.

He’s not naive. He knows it would be dangerous to submit that particular message, so he doesn’t. But that’s okay. That one’s just for him-- for them.

-

“Steve? What is the… Unsent Project?”

Steve frowns and pokes his head out of the kitchen. Bucky is sitting on the couch in the living room, using his laptop, because his own is having storage issues.

Bucky looks at him. “It’s one of your saved tabs. What is it?”

And oh, fuck. Steve had forgotten to remove that from his homepage-- it really wasn’t needed anymore. He blushes all the way to his ears.

“Oh, it’s-- nothing. Not anything important--”

But Bucky has already clicked on the tab.

“The Unsent Project,” he reads aloud. “A collection of unsent text messages to… first… loves…”

He trails off as he processes what he’s looking at, and Steve can’t quite read his expression when he looks at him again. His eyebrows are furrowed, and he’s looking at Steve like he’s some sort of kicked puppy. Steve shifts, uncomfortable.

“Were you sending me… messages? While I was dead?”

Steve swallows. “Um…” and now that Bucky says it out loud, it really does sound quite sad. He shrugs. “It’s Natasha’s fault?”

Bucky shakes his head, clicking on the search bar. He starts to type his name, but Steve shakes his head.

“I didn’t use your name.”

“Oh,” Bucky says, then frowns at him again. “What did you use?”

Steve blushes harder, sitting next to Bucky and taking the laptop from him.

“Um…” he hesitates, then types what he was sure he used as his first alias.

My astronaut

The screen buffers and loads, then fifty or so messages pop up. Steve scrolls down-- it doesn’t take long to find his.

They’re both quiet as they read, and Steve cringes. Jeez, he really had been pretty dramatic. Next to him, Bucky makes a hurt noise.

“Oh, honey,” he murmurs, taking the laptop back from Steve. He reads the message again, then once more, and reaches out for Steve. “Aw, I’m here now.”

Steve huffs, embarrassed. “I know,” he says. “That was way back, like, three weeks after I woke up.”

Bucky stills. “You fought aliens three weeks after you woke up?”

“... More like two.”

Bucky hums. “Are there others?”

“Yeah,” Steve says, reaching out to type on Bucky’s lap, because Bucky is holding him now and he’s quite reluctant to move. He thinks for a moment, then types in the next one he remembers.

Mr. Sweet Tooth

Bucky laughs, and Steve finds himself smiling.

“I find this funny,” Bucky says. “Because caramel macchiatos are definitely one of my favorites now.”

Steve laughs, too, and butts his head against Bucky’s shoulder.

“If only I could tell that to myself back then-- he’d be thrilled.”

“I’m sure,” Bucky says. “Any more?”

Steve hesitates, thinking of the one he’d sent after that nightmare-- when he was low and hurting. Incoherent. He isn’t sure he wants Bucky to see that particular side of his soul, but Bucky has been more than generous in letting him in on his pains nowaday, and it’s not like Bucky hasn’t witnessed Steve’s own current nightmares.

He bites his lip and types in JB. That seems to yield a lot more results, and it takes a while for Steve to find the message.

He hides his face in Bucky’s neck as he reads. Bucky’s arms gradually tighten around him, and a moment later, he feels him kiss the top of his head.

“Honey, I hate that you were hurting so bad,” Bucky mutters against his hair.

Steve shrugs. “We both were,” he says, and it’s true. There’s something to be said about the guilt they both feel for not being able to save the other person at their lowest, but life hasn’t been kind to them. The vitriol, Steve thinks, should be directed at the goddamn universe for keeping them apart, not themselves for fucking dying. They’re working on it.

Bucky’s quiet for a long time. “Yeah, I guess you’re right,” he says. “Is that it?”

Steve shakes his head. “But I never sent the last one.”

“Why not?”

“I wrote it after DC.”

He feels Bucky squeeze him again, and he squeezes back.

“Oh.”

“I just-- I wanted you to know that you didn’t have to come home. That I just wanted you to be safe; needed to know you were safe, but it was up to you. I just needed you to know I was here, if you needed me.”

Bucky pulls back then and cups his face, kissing him soundly. Steve’s surprised for only a moment before he’s kissing back.

“I did know that,” Bucky says against his lips. “I needed time-- I was lost-- but the first thing I knew when I remembered who you were was that you were a safe person, because you’d never force me anywhere.”

Steve kisses him again, then pulls him into a hug. “I’m glad you knew that.” It’s warm, where their chests meet, and Bucky is solid beneath him. Real. He isn’t speaking into an abyss anymore.

-

There’s a sticky note on Bucky’s pillow next to his head when he wakes up the next morning. Steve’s side of the bed is already vacant, and he can’t hear him downstairs. He must have already left for a run.

Propping himself on an elbow, Bucky plucks up the sticky note.

To: My Bucky

Thank you for choosing me to be your home, and thank you forever, for being mine.

I love you with everything I have.

Love, your Steve

Bucky smiles, heart light as he folds the notes. He’ll keep that one with him, he thinks. A little bit of home to bring wherever he goes.

-

anyway yeah fslkjflaskjfls i-- ouch. anything to do with letters w these two hurts me immensely

[mbti-enemies]

I saw the "most INFP being too nice" thing and I want to share an opinion that will probably make me look like an ass but I wanna say it whatsoever

(gonna give you some context/an example first to justify my argument)

I - an ENTP - went over to an INFP friend's house and we made a bet on this show we were watching, on the 3rd day I won the bet and she was sleeping when it happened, I got excited about it and went to wake her up, she said I could "take the money from her wallet and let her go back to sleep because she was tired", I kept insisting her to wake up, hitting her with a pillow, turning the lights on and off, messing up her hair, jumping on the bed, but it was all playful, at some point she raised her voice just slightly and asked me to "leave her alone for 10 minutes because she was tired" and I said "okay, do what you want then" and left a little annoyed, but nothing beyond

about 5 minutes later she came up to me with watering eyes to "aPoLogizE" for making me upset and not giving me the attention I wanted or some shit, said she couldn't go back to sleep after our ""argument""

I was so mad because that's what people mean when they say INFPs are manipulative, there's no way she was feeling that guilty about what happened, she probably just wanted to make a scene and make ME feel bad about it, they're not that sensitive, they just want to manipulate other people's feelings because that's how they act, they're not as good as you make them seem.

this whole drama is annoying as f, be honest it's not that big deal

(warning note i end up rambling and it goes off on a personal streak. sometimes when things go such the information i give might not be relevant so discard whatever is necessary. could i also request no one ask any personal questions related to whatever i write thank youuu)

hi infj here. nope nope you don't look like an ass dw ha i mean... idk i have so many things to say to this i mean.... where do i start....

to be honest? your description of infp reminds me of.... well, regretfully, myself... one of my worst traits. **laughs a lil dryly** and i can speak freely about it now intj knows this terrible part of me. your description of the situation reminds of... one fun time me and intj had. honestly i don't even remember what it was about except that i was being prick *gets lost in thought* oh actually never mind i remembered...

anyways.

mbti-wise i always chalked my manipulative sadness down to ni-fe.... it's the ni which plans and manipulates and the Fe which is attuned to others feelings... i can't really see how it would work in an infp (fi ne should be more direct) so maybe give them a check that they're not an infj.

i've also only really just started noticing and acknowledging that i do it... it's so hard sometimes to figure out why you're doing things (e.g being sad over something small) when you don't want to know the truth. and then the truth disappears from your head, the self-generated emotions become reality.... the mental-emotional world is so slippery. manipulation can happen subconsciously, at least for me (even in a positive way when you want to make someone happy or make yourself likeable when meeting someone new....)

from the situation, it seems to me infp must've felt a little bad for asking you to leave her alone... but then it got a little complicated in their head. with the complications the emotions just grew and got blown out of proportion....

small place where i must pick up on your words- you said "because that's how they act". i mean of course it's someone's own responsibility if they're being manipulative, but im not sure it's a 'just because' sort of thing. i like to think their are few people who would be manipulative and make someone feel bad just for the hell of it....

for me? for me it's generally due to a want for comfort. it's.... that's it. perhaps it's not even Ni-Fe driven but more childish, infantile, like when baby's cry in order to be held. it's..... not good. and so much worse than a baby obviously because i can use my words and push and pull someone else and manipulate them into giving me comfort. this manipulation is definitely Ni-Fe for me though. but anyways, and it's terrible. (sorry again about that time intj). it's worse when you're older because the emotions get more complicated and tiwsted and other things get pulled in to the mess (leading one to want the other person to feel bad and say twisted things like sorry for "not giving [you] the attention [you] wanted")

i wonder how things progressed in your little situ if you got visibly mad. dude getting mad is like the worst emotion to feel here not gonna lie i mean infp will just feel justified for their tears. intj got mad and i owned up and it was fine, but it's hard to see youself, hard to own up. if i hadn't owned up and kept feeling sorry for myself i don't know if it would've been fine.

small note to anyone else reading this far before continuing: i don't think sadness is always manipulative, i don't want anyone to feel like they can't feel their emotions. please, please, be kind to yourselves no matter what, be understanding.

anyways back to mbti to wrap up from my long personal ramble of thoughts. not totally sure that this thing ur describing is an infp thing. mine is connected to my infj functions pretty sure but perhaps not for your infp. still do think that out of types most likely to "be too nice" infp is quite high on the list, but being too nice ≠ never being hurtful and definitely does not equal not having flaws. niceness a blob in a system of personality traits, and it is by no means everything. perhaps, arguably, it's not even the same as kindness, which on the other hand, is something that goes much much further than just niceness does.

[kuroopaisen]

tiny love || 14

➵ as tooru’s younger sister, falling in love with iwaizumi hajime is easy. your feelings aren’t ignored, either. after finally telling him the truth, there’s a lot of tension in the air.

warnings: f!reader

wc: 2k

m.list | ch. 13 ↞ ch. 14 ↠ ch. 15

Try as you might, you just couldn’t pay attention to your lecture.

The lecturer droned on in the archetypal slow drawl, slowly clicking through their powerpoint for each new point. Thank God they had the decency to upload the PDF after the lecture – you’d just take all the important notes from that.

Getting back to some sense of normalcy, back to the thrum of everyday life, was supposed to take your mind off things. But it didn’t. Tooru, Hajime, the whole damn mess – it still wavered in the back of your mind, flickering in and out of conscious thought.

It was almost impossible to ignore.

“Give him time,” Iwaizumi had said, exhausted. “It’s up to him now.”

He was right. You knew that. But it didn’t make you feel any better.

Your phone buzzed in your lap. Frowning, you looked down and turned the screen upwards.

Everything stopped. Your eyes shot wide, your heart beating erratically to the tempo of the ringing.

You gathered your things up in an instant and fled from the lecture hall as unobtrusively as possible, hands trembling as you jabbed at the ‘answer call’ icon.

The girls’ bathroom seemed to be empty as you rushed through the doors and sought out the closest cubicle. You held the phone up to your ear as you sat down on the toilet lid, breathless.

“Hello?”

A silence answered you. Had you been too late? Just missed it? Would it be amiss to call back immed—

“Hey.” Tooru’s voice was tight, sharp, unfamiliar.

“Hey,” you echoed, a queasy uneasiness settling in your stomach. Why was he calling you now? Why hadn’t he warned you?

You hadn’t been given any time to prepare.

Maybe he’d done that on purpose. Maybe he was trying to catch you off-guard.

“Did you… did you want to talk?” You asked.

Some part of you still wanted to fight, to get all scrappy and shout again. You didn’t want to grovel, to beg him for forgiveness, to rebuke anything you’d said prior.

But you didn’t want to throw this all away, either. He’s still your brother; even if he’s a brat, even if he’s selfish, even if he’s inconsiderate.

“Yeah,” he swallowed.

You bit the inside of your cheek, totally at a loss of what to say next.

God, this was so awkward. You’d never had this much trouble talking to your brother before. Well, trouble, maybe, but discomfort… It’s almost worse than the anger. At least there’s something to say during the fire. There’s just ash in the aftermath.

“I just…” Tooru sighed. You could visualise him gripping his hair with frustration, or touching his forehead with the tips of his fingers. “Why didn’t you say anything?”

Ah.

That was the question, wasn’t it?

If you’d just said something all those years ago, maybe you could’ve avoided this entire debacle. But how were you supposed to know? You didn’t know anything when you were in high school.

You hadn’t known that you’d be sitting in your university’s bathroom, halfway across the world from home, feeling like you were about to spew your guts out because the thought of talking to your brother terrified you so damn much.

The only time you’d ever been scared of Tooru was when Hajime was involved. But scared of what?  

“I… I thought you’d be mad,” you mumbled.

It sounded silly now. Scared of Tooru? Scared of your own damn brother? Pathetic.

But you weren’t the only one.

“And Iwaizumi, he…” It was all a blur, but you could remember one thing. The fear of disapproval.

Iwaizumi had been terrified that Tooru would disapprove. Worst of all, he’d been afraid that Tooru would misunderstand it all.

“He told me that one of the other guys on the team asked about me,” you said quietly, “and that you got really mad.”

Tooru laughed. “What, he thought I’d disapprove of him just because I didn’t want Yahaba getting anywhere near my sister?”

“I heard you got pretty mad,” you mumbled. In truth, you were still kind of pissed about that. Tooru had no say in who you did and didn’t date – much less who had a right to a relationship with you.

Although, you felt you’d made that much clear the last time you’d spoken to him.

“And let me guess,” Tooru sighed after a long moment, “Iwaizumi didn’t want to create a big mess and pit us against each other and break a bunch of hearts.”

“Mhm,” you nodded slowly.

“Sounds about right…” Tooru grumbled.

“He also was worried that you’d think…” You swallowed roughly, the words sticking to your throat. “That you’d think he was messing around with me.”

It was the worst thing he’d said. The implication that he wasn’t serious, that it was all a game to him; of everything he’d said that awful day, that’d hurt the most.

“Messing around with you?” Tooru scoffed. “Like he’s the type of guy to do that…”

There was comfort in hearing those words. But they have a different pallor from the last time you’d spoken with him; had Hajime’s words moved him so much? What had been said between them? You hadn’t asked out of fear, but maybe you should’ve…

“You sounded pretty angry the other day,” you mumbled.

“Yeah, but…”

There was still a terseness in his voice, an edge that he couldn’t soften.

He was trying. Hard. He wasn’t hiding how he felt, but he was… containing it. Was he coddling you?

No. No, he was trying to be reasonable. You couldn’t fault him for that, at least.

“Look… I’m not going to sit here and pretend I’m not mad,” Tooru sighed.

Your gut twisted, your instincts screaming at you to hang up, to avoid Tooru for the rest of time, to do anything you could to avoid that anger. You’d faced it once; you never wanted to face it again.

But Tooru didn’t raise his voice. If he really was still mad, he was stymieing it gently, keeping it contained.

“I just…” His words were quiet, barely audible. “I just want to understand what went wrong.”

Your thoughts skidded to a halt. “What went wrong?”

That’s… a big question. A really big question. One with all sorts of caveats, countless nooks and crannies to fall into and get lost in. Hell, you weren’t even sure if the two of you had the same interpretation of that question.

“Well… neither of you told me, right? But from the sounds of it, you got pretty hurt.”

That felt like an understatement. But what would Tooru know? What could Tooru know?

“I… I don’t know, Tooru,” you sighed. You were no longer the kid you were back then. “Hajime made the decisions but I… I just went along with it. I didn’t… advocate for myself, I guess.”

You couldn’t blame yourself for that. There you were, infatuated with your older brother’s friend, and terrified of making a mess.

And that’d been considerate of you. There was no reason to be upset with yourself for thinking about others.

But you’d forgotten yourself, letting your own feelings get shoved aside for a ‘maybe’. ‘Maybe’ you’d break up. ‘Maybe’ Tooru would be mad. ‘Maybe’ it’d cause a mess. How were you supposed to live your life protecting other people from possibilities, from problems that hadn’t even taken root?

A ‘maybe’ meant you could prepare. Meant you could make promises, make vows, make sure that the outcome wouldn’t be as bad as any of you feared. As much as you could.

“I think Iwaizumi was more scared than I was,” you admitted.

Perhaps it’s not your secret to tell; frankly, you don’t really know if it’s true. But you knew Iwaizumi, and you knew his heart.

You hadn’t thought much of it at the time, but it felt like the truth. Maybe he’d had more to lose than you. Maybe he was worried that his relationship with Tooru would never recover. You had the safety net of being a family member; someone he’d have to forgive one day, even if the mere act of dating his friend seemed like an insurmountable transgression to him.

Iwaizumi didn’t have that security.

Tooru was quiet for a long moment before sighing. “What, did he feel like he was betraying me or something?”

Your stomach twisted at his choice of words.

“Not… not that I ‘own’ you,” he mumbled, as though tripping over what he just said. “But, you know… teenage brains and all that. They’re not exactly reasonable.”

You bit your lip, frowning. “I mean, I can’t be sure… You’d have to ask him about that.”

“Right…” Tooru sighed for what felt like the thousandth time this conversation. Well, at least he wasn’t shouting.

“Can I ask you a question?” Tooru asked, surprisingly apprehensive.

“Sure.”

“Did you ever hate me for it?’

The question shot through you with a jolt.

The unfortunate truth was yes. In a way, you had. It was hard not to feel some kind of bitterness towards him – for being so bright, for being so ambitious. And of course, for what happened with Iwaizumi. It felt like you’d lived half your life in a shadow, unable to distinguish yourself as anything other than ‘Tooru’s younger sister.’

But there was no way to say that. Not when it’s complicated. Not when it’s your brother.

“Nevermind,” Tooru said, clearing his throat. “Look, just… keep me in the loop from now on, okay?”

You grimaced. “You want to know all the details?”

“Of course not!” He damn near shrieked. “Just… you know. If you break up, or if you get engaged… stuff like that.”

Your face flushed hot. “Tooru—”

“Okay, that’s all!” He hummed. “See you later!”

“Wait, Toor—”

The phone buzzed against your ear, a sure sign that Tooru had taken his leave. You sighed, letting all the tension that’d gathered in your chest dissipate in your breath.

That was… weird.

But not unwelcome. Not unwelcome at all. Everything was uncertain; maybe Tooru would change his mind. Maybe he’d decide that, actually, he hated the idea of this and he’d disown you if you kept dating Iwaizumi.

But right then, sitting in your tiny university cubicle, you realised something.

It was all in your hands, now. You could choose the way forward.

✧ ✧ ✧

“Hajime!” You called as you rushed through your front door, bag in tow.

“Yeah?” He was standing in the kitchen, clad only in a pair of grey sweatpants as he unpacked the dishwasher.

You didn’t even take the time to marvel at the sight. The only thing on your mind was rushing towards him and throwing your arms around his neck.

“Everything okay?” He chuckled, placing a firm hand on your back.

“Mhm,” you hummed into his neck, revelling in his warmth. He was always so warm; your own man-sized furnace. Did his sheer amount of muscle mass have something to do with that?

“You’re back early,” he said after a moment.

“Oh, yeah,” you grinned, tilting your head back to look at him. “I left my lecture early.”

Iwaizumi raised an eyebrow at you.

“It’s fine,” you giggled, “I’ll just watch it later.”

Iwaizumi sighed, tutting under his breath as he leant in to press a gentle kiss to your lips. You knew he didn’t have the heart to actually scold you; not when your arms were wrapped around him.

You hummed into the kiss, slipping one of your hands into his hair.

It was nice, being with him like this. There was nothing to worry about anymore; you didn’t need to hide this. You didn’t need to push your feelings to the side and hope you’d just get over them. Finally, finally, it was okay to feel this way. To bare your heart without any shame.

It was one thing to stand up for yourself, to assert your right to do what you wanted.

But knowing that the one thing that’d always been holding you back, that’d taken your feelings hostage for God knew how long…

Everything just felt lighter.

[arcadejohn127-9]

Hi if your requests are still open can you do something with the demon brothers + new datables (or not if that's too much!) comforting an MC who just got off a shift at work and is frustrated from customers and needs some reassuring words/cuddles to make them feel better? Thanks so much~😊💞

A message for all the workers who are employed despite the pandemic or were employed but had to stop due to the pandemic, YOU ARE THE REAL ONES!!

Thank you so much for all the hard work you're doing/done, especially retail. You guys are always being supportive and understanding.

I'm so sorry for all you who's had to deal with Karen's and uncomfortable customer's who's tried hitting on you or just being disturbing

I wish the government wasn't doing you all dirty. Money can be such a serious issue and now it's gotten even worse, I just wanna say I'm proud and thankful!

Brothers + undateables comfort MC who just finished a hard day of work

Lucifer:

You found him in his study, hunched over his desk

Seeing him so deep into work made you regret coming to him

You were just about to head back up but he spotted you

"Welcome back, I'll be with you in a moment, I I just need to- Dear? What's wrong?"

You immediately broke down into tears

In seconds you were being cradled in his arms, sitting in his lap and having soothing circles rubbed into your back

He's letting you release your frustrations, ignoring how wet his shirt was getting

When you finally calmed down, you apologized for getting his shirt wet

"Nonsense, tell me what's upset you, was it your manager again?"

You explained how your day went, how costumers were yelling at you and the work getting overwhelming

"You did everything you could, they're lucky to have such a hard worker like yourself, I'll be phoning your boss as soon as I can to get you a raise."

Mammon:

He picked you up in his car, waving you over with some take out sitting in your seat

As soon as you buckled in you took your portion of take out

"So, how was work? Did you finally get your pay check?"

You sighed, shoving your face with food as you ranted about how difficult today has been

The more you spoke the more upset you got, sniffling and trying to hide your sobs

He couldn't stand it; he pulled over as soon as he could and turned to you

"They can't be treating you like that! What are their names and faces? I'll go sort them out, no one treats my baby like that!"

You laughed, telling him he can't beat up your costumers

"You can't do it but I can, don't worry I'll find a way."

He pulled you into a hug, both of you laughing when he choked himself on his seatbelt

After you two unbuckled he just let you lean against him, having how own mini rant about how amazing you are and people not treating you like you're the most valuable treasure in the world

Levithan:

He was gaming, of course, when he heard you knock he immediately asked what's the secret password

"Please, not today, I can barely think right now, can I just come in?"

Usually he's more stubborn than that but hearing how desperate your voice was, he let you in

Knew something was bad when you immediately climbed into his bed tub and smother yourself with his body pillow

He let his game play in the background, ignoring the angry messages from his team mates

"Work stress?"

All he heard was a muffled sound of agreement

"Those damn normies-! What did they do to you? Was it the Karen's again?"

You yelled into the pillow, ranting about your day and letting it be muffled but still loud enough for him to hear

He scooted over in his chair, watching you peak your head out

Tears staining your cheeks as you frowned at him

He blushed as he immediately kissed both of your cheeks, cupping your face

"wanna play employee simulator? It lets you fight the annoying customers."

Satan:

"There's my hard worker." He kissed your cheek, greeting you at your bedroom door

"You seem upset, what's the matter?"

You immediately started explaining what happened toward, leaning against him as you went on and on

Satan could feel his anger flair up as he listened

He couldn't stand how the customer's have been treating you and the fact no one was willing to give you some emotional support at work?

Not even a pat on the shoulder or words of praise of how you handled it

But he kept himself in check, holding you close

"That must of been horrible, I can't imagine how tired you must be, let's go rest, okay? You did amazing today, kitten."

You sniffled, asking if he really meant what he said

He nodded, dragging you to your bed and telling you how proud he is

Asmodeus:

"My poor sweetheart! You look absolutely exhausted! What happened today?!"

He caressed and rubbed your skin, soothing out your frown lines and any sign of stress

You let him pamper you whilst you went off about how work was

Recieving alot of 'No!'s, 'They didn't!' and hums of displeasure

He tsked, rubbing the soothing cream into your palm

"They're just awful, aren't they? This kind of stress isn't good for you, Perhaps I should come with you! See how great you are in person."

You immediately butted in, not wanting him to force himself to do something he didn't want to do

Knowing he's very mindful of his appearance and status among people

"I'll do it for you~ besides, people love me! I'll charm those horrible costumers and they'll never be rude to you again."

You insisted that he didn't have to

He then rambled on about how attractive you look when you're focused and doing work

You just laughed, sinking into his touch as he went on

Beezlebub:

He frowned when he noticed you didn't give him his 'im back' kiss

He immediately went searching for you and found you in your room

Face buried in your pillow and your body shaking

"You're crying."

A pit formed in his stomach, wondering what upset you

You told him how horrible today was, going into detail about how hard you were trying to fix the issues but they just wouldn't stop

You almost got in trouble with your manger! You could of been fired!

"You did everything you could and still kept your cool, the place would be lost without you there."

You smiled, shuffling over and giving him a big hug, he immediately returned it

He was giving you gentle comforting squeezes

slowly rocking you both side to side

"I'll eat them if they keep harassing you."

Belphegor:

"Come to your favourite demon, tell him everything that happened."

He did the grabby hands, looking up at you

You sighed, letting yourself flop in his arms as you hugged him

You wondered how he could tell how upset you were

He just grinned

"I'm smart, remember? I know when my teddy bear is upset."

You just rolled your eyes, staring off to the side as tears formed

He didn't expect you to yell in frustration

You ranted about how work was today

How costumers yelled at you and kept insisting you were lying about the products

Critizing your job and assuming things about you

Even having a few creeps come in and try to flirt with you

"Don't listen to any of them, I know who you are and you know who you are, It's impressive how professional you can be when they act like that, I would of killed them."

He listened to you ramble, hugging you and stroking up and down your back

UNDATEABLES↓

Diavolo:

"I didn't expect you to come back so late, did something happen?"

You explained how your job forced you to do extra hours, despite not getting over time pay

He made a mental note to visit your workplace on one of your day's off

You then proceeded to go on about how the costumer's were treating you

How stressful and harsh today was

Diavolo just listened, nodding along

He felt his jaw clench

"Tell me more on the bed, your feet must be aching."

You both laid on his bed, you continued your story about today whilst he held your hand

"This is unforgivable, I cannot stand to imagine people being so rude to you, I know you do your very best and would never deserve such treatment."

He was cuddling you all night, wanting to sooth your upset heart

Whenever he felt you shake against him, trying to combat your tears he just gently patted you

Encouraging you to just let it all out, praising you for how amazing you are

Barbatos:

As soon as you arrived back, he was quick to help you undress

Handing you your pajamas and helped you take off your shoes

He noticed a new blister and your sigh of content when you were finally out of them

He works aswell so he understands the struggles

"another long day? tell me what happened, you need to let your frustrations out."

And you did just that

You poured your heart and soul into your stressed out grunts

Becoming more upset the more you spoke about your tough day

Getting more upset when your manager only made it worse by blaming the costumers anger on you

All you did was tell her what you were taught to say!

"That won't do, I'll be sure to have my lord handle things with your boss, tomorrow."

You told him that you didn't want to be a hassle but he silenced you

Suddenly embarassing you as he patted your head

"I'll fix this for you, while I cannot change the customer's I can change how your higher ups are treating you, you don't deserve this."

Solomon:

When you met up with him, you had to try and hide how much you've been stressing

But Solomon was known to be wise for a reason

He immediately figured out something was wrong

"I'm Solomon the wise, you cannot fool me, what happened today?"

As soon as you tell him what happened today

He pulls out a potion, suspiciously doesn't tell you what it does, and tells you to splash it in difficult customers eyes

You were sure it was posion or some weird liquid that came from his cooking attempts

Then again those were basically the same thing

"if the eyes don't work, I could put it in a spray, it'll stop them from yelling at you again~!"

You were very tempted

You never wanted to be yelled or harassed by a customer again

But you didn't want to get fired for assaulting a customer or even worse, killing one

"You followed protocol exactly as you were told, they shouldn't be mad at you for doing your job but don't worry, I'll make all your tears-"

He suddenly wiped under your eyes, catching you off guard

"Disappear!"

Simeon:

"My little lamb, tell me what's bothering you."

He sat you down on the sofa, grasping your hand

You deflated

You rested your head on his chest and played with his hand

He listened to you rant and ramble about your horrible day at work

He couldn't believe what he was hearing; how rude they were and had no right to treat you like that!

"Perhaps, I shall bless you with a miracle and get rid of those rude customer's."

As wonderful as that sounded

You joked how unangelic it seemed; using his power to 'get rid of people'

Hearing a dangerous implication in his voice

"It is a good deed that will do many a favour, I believe it to be extremely kind, after all, you didn't do anything wrong."

Stayed and cuddled with you until you fell asleep, preferring how happy and peaceful you looked than how you looked before

Stressed and clearly upset

Luke:

"Those demons!! I've been telling you they're horrible creatures, they can't be treating you like that!"

Perhaps ranting to him wasn't the wisest decision

But he was so eager to see you after work and wanted to know what was wrong

He was hugging your hips, stomping his foot when he spoke

"You're an angel in human disguise! There's no way they could be so horrible to out without being truely evil beings!"

You tried to calm him down by picking him up

Telling him you were able to handle the situation like a champ

He felt better knowing you were able to come out on top

He hugged you as you took him back to his room

Tucking him into bed but was surprised when he grabbed you

"You're a really good person and I know you work harder than anyone else, I hope they don't be mean to you like that again."

[barnesandrogersfanfics]

Out Of The Blue - Part 3

Pairing: Chris Evans x Reader

Word Count: 1300+

Summary: Reader has some exciting news to share with her longtime boyfriend Chris but what happens when he beats her to it with some news of his own?

A/N: I think i got everyone who asked to be tagged, if i didnt please send me an ask so i dont loose it 🤣

Please like/comment/share 💕

Hearing Chris's voice i pushed back my chair and made my way to the front door.

"She's not here" i heard Alex say as i got closer.

"Come on man, its important...."

"Alex it's fine, i'll be okay" i spoke up. I saw Chris sigh with what looked like relief?... but it was quickly replaced with a look of regret, maybe a little fear. Good!

"I'll just be in there" he pointed back towards the dining room " if you need me...."

"I'll let you know" i smiled. Alex eyed Chris once more before reluctantly retreating.

"How'd you find me?" I asked crossing my arms, it was kinda like my protective barrier.... he hated when i did this.

"Um, you used your card for gas.... a notification came up on your iPad. I looked up the gas station and drove out there. I asked the cashier if she'd seen you...."

"Great" i rolled my eyes, making a mental not to turn of my notifications!

"She said she remembered you coming in because you looked exhausted and she tried to get you to stay in a motel. But that you told her you only had an hours journey... thats when i kinda figured this was where you were. I didn't think you'd come this far to be honest".

"Was kinda the point"

Chris nodded sadly realising that i came here because i knew he wouldn't think id drive all the way out to Chelsea's.

"I know I'm the last person you wanna see right now, but Y/N we need to talk about some stuff...."

"Not here, i don't want the kids hearing" i said stepping outside and walking across the street to where his car was parked.

Once we were both in the car i turned to face him trying to keep myself from crying, because my god that was all i wanted to do!

"So what do you wanna talk about.... how you cheated on me??"

"I made the biggest mistake of my life. Its over i promise you.... it was never serious, but what i was doing.... it should never had happened!!"

"You slept with someone else of course it shouldn't have happened!!" I shouted.

"I never slept with her!!"

"What??!"

"I never slept with her i promise!"

"But you said you've been seeing someone!"

Chris nodded running his hand over his bearded jaw "it wasn't about sex, we just connected on an emotional level....I didnt even realise it was a problem at first...."

he sighed "but i found myself seeking her out when i was having a bad day. When things got hard with us.... we'd been trying everything to get pregnant and it just wasn't happening"

"You confided in her??! About our relationship?..."

"I was stressed and i blamed myself..... i felt like i was letting you down. I felt us drifting apart...." he told me sadly "i don't even know when it happened. But i started spending a lot of time with her...."

"And less time with me. All while i was sitting waiting for you to come home like an idiot! I know it was hard trying to get pregnant Chris but thats no excuse for you doing this! You should have come to me!" I turned my head away to wipe away some stray tears that managed to escape.

"Please don't cry dahlin'...."

"How can i not??....."

"Tell me how i can make this right? I don't want to loose you...."

"Im not sure you can. Chris do you have any idea how this makes me feel?? I feel like I'm not enough for you..."

"You are! I promise you, you are enough..."

"Clearly im not or we wouldn't be having this conversation!"

"So thats it? You're just gonna give up on us?"

"I wasn't the one who gave up on us. My god Chris, i would've done anything for you..... you were my world!"

"And now?....."

"Right now i can't even stand looking at you" i said sadly "my heart is in pieces..... i still can't wrap my head around the fact you did this. Its so out of the blue..... i thought we were happy" I cried into the sleeve of my jumper "i was so excited to tell you i was finally pregnant...... this baby couldn't have happened at a worser time. This should be one of the happiest days of my life but its been anything but happy".

"Will you just come home, please? We can sort this out...."

"I can't. I think we need some time apart"

"No..." he cried, tears running down his face "baby please don't leave me...."

"Go home Chris" i said quickly as i opened the door and stepped out.... i was in such a rush to get away from him that i didn't see the SUV coming towards me.

"Y/N!!!!" Was the last thing i heard before everything went black.

"Y/N!.... Y/N wake up....." i could hear Chris' voice as i slowly opened my eyes.

"Chris.....?"

"Yeah baby its me, you were dreaming" he said quietly as his hand stroked up and down my back. It was then that i realised i was laying in bed with Chris' arms around me.

It had all been a dream??!

I suddenly burst into tears, sobbing into Chris' bare chest.

"Hey.... hey whats wrong?" He asked tightening his hold on me "is it your dream?"

I nodded as i continued to cry "it was h..horrible! It felt so real...."

"Do you wanna talk about it?"

"No. Chris let go of me.... i think I'm gonna be sick...." i pulled out of his arms and ran to the en suite. I made it just in time before i spilled my guys into the toilet.

Once the sickness passed i headed downstairs telling Chris i needed a minute to myself. I knew it was a dream... he hadn't actually done anything wrong, but i was pissed at Chris and felt ridiculous! I was sitting on the sofa under a blanket holding a warm mug of Chamomile tea when he came walking in. He hovered in the doorway for a minute before finally coming to sit next to me on the sofa.

"Look i'm not sure what i did to piss you off but will you come back to bed please? You know i hate sleeping without you"

"You haven't done anything wrong" i reached out and took his hand "that dream just really shook me up"

"Talk to me.... you might feel better if you talk about it"

"I... i found out i was pregnant...."

"Dahlin, its gonna happen i promise...." he quickly added thinking that was the reason i was so upset, because that part of my dream was real.... we'd been trying to get pregnant for so long now but it just wouldn't take.

"Thats not what got to me..... i found out i was pregnant but before i got to tell you, you came home from work and told me you had been seeing someone else. It felt so real...."

"Sweetheart....." Chris looked at me sadly tightening his hold on my hand "it was just a dream. I would never do that to you.... you're my world. Id be lost without you"

"It was horrible Chris! It felt so real! I left and went to Chelsea' but you tracked me down..... we were arguing in your car one minute, the next I'm getting out to leave and i got hit by a car! then i woke up...."

"I know it felt real, but its not. Im not going anywhere, you're stuck with me"

He pulled me in and pressed a tender kiss to my lips "i love you".

"I love you too".

"Sweetheart?.... are you crying again?"

"Yes!" I cried loudly, my god i was a mess! Chris chuckled softly.

"You're not still pissed at me because of your dream are you?"

"No! Im just very emotional!"

"Okay don't get mad at me but, are you sure you're not pregnant?".

I sat up straight on the sofa and stopped crying long enough to think about when i had my last period.

"Oh my god.... i'm late" i gasped, I was never late! "Do you think this is really it?"

"I hope so dahlin!" Chris replied with a huge smile.

Everything taglist: @jesseswartzwelder @dumblani @barnesandrogersworld @patzammit @rynabarnesrogers-reading @rainbowkisses31 @rororo06 @supernaturalwintersoldier @hiddelstannerbarnes @bellamy-barnes @buchanansebba @rosalynshields @turtoix @dottirose

Out Of The Blue tags: @kenzieam @ilovetheeagles @mrspeacem1nusone @kawairinrin @coldmuffinpartycloud @memoriesat30 @idk123906 @thummbelina @uniquebeautyqueen

[fruitymimi]

My Darling - Light Yagami x Reader

Reader is a detective taking over the Kira case and Light likes being called Kira...

A/N: ok so yall... this might be a little much but im testing some other things like the posession and what not in this fic... cause i wanted to make free bird sort of dark, but i didn’t know if yall were comfortable with that. lmk tho. and before i even put it in the warnings, light mentions the reader calling him “my god” and this in no way is to disrespect any religion or make anyone uncomfortable. purely just light yagami’s god complex.

Also I promise I’m gonna write Free Bird soon, just tell me how dark I’m allowed to go with it cause... I can give y’all crazy Hawks..

warnings: DEATH NOTE SPOILERS even tho its been 14 years, light has reader call him “my god” and kira, lots of degradation, mentions of ryuzaki’s death, light and reader talk about light’s relationship with misa, so this includes cheating and talk about cheating, i think thats all? ill update if i notice anything else

pairing: Light Yagami x Reader

words: 3307... the way this is the longest story i’ve posted...

“It just doesn’t make sense. Why would Kira leave such a big opening for us both?” Y/N squinted their eyes, looking down at the table full of supposed “evidence” that was left after Ryuzaki’s death. Y/N was the only person Ryuzaki truly trusted to take his place, even though he always said he trusted Light, he still had his lurking suspicions. 

“Maybe Kira wanted someone to find out..” Light said, looking at the back of their neck, his lip caught between his teeth. He’d always felt this way about Y/N, always had a hidden lust for them ever since he first laid eyes on them when he was taking his exams. His attitude would be different towards Y/N, always seemed more patient and kind with them, but annoyed and arrogant towards others. 

Y/N shook their head, “you know, Light,” Y/N turned to face him, crossing their arms over their chest, “sometimes I wonder how I lost my valedictorian spot to you in highschool,” they jokingly teased, poking his chest. They could have sworn his eyes glowed red, but they were instantly comforted with his regular face, his typical heartthrob-like appearance. 

Light chuckled, putting his hand behind his neck, a bright smile on his lips. “You know sometimes I think a bit too fast,” Light said, his eyes forming crescents as he smiled. 

They hummed. “Maybe you got your valedictorian spot because you used your smile to your advantage. I remember that was how you got out of classes and late slips,” they rambled, turning back around to face the table of evidence. 

 Light licked his lips, watching when they bent over the table.  “Ah… You noticed?” he asked, “I’d say you were flirting with me, hm?” Light tilted his head, noticing how they froze. 

“Light, you know I couldn’t do that to Misa.” Y/N said, shaking their head as they went back to their work. “You know I couldn’t hurt a friend..” they mumbled. 

Light let out a sigh, rolling his eyes. “It’s always ‘Misa this..’ or ‘Misa that’. Who cares how she feels?” Light hummed, placing his hand on top of Y/N’s, meeting their gaze. 

Light has thought about this before. If he wanted to date Y/N, he didn't have to tell them about his true identity, though Light has always thought about how amazing it would be to have his darling on top of him, calling him Kira. It would feed his ego, make him feel like the most powerful man on earth.

Y/N pulled their hand away, tilting their head. “Shouldn’t you..? You’re her boyfriend.” They reminded, shaking their head once more. 

“Mm, not for long..” Light whispered, leaning against the table with his head cocked back. “I don’t want her. I want someone else.” Light told Y/N, turning his head to face them again. 

Y/N blinked, staring into Light’s eyes. It was a habit they had, a habit that developed during the beginning days of the Kira investigation when they were accusing Light of the murders and it was almost impossible to read his deadpan expression. But when they looked into his eyes at this very moment, it was almost like they shined red. Almost a twinkle of scarlet. 

“What do you mean? Misa has plans to marry you, Light. I wouldn’t be surprised if she was naming your future kids as we speak-“ 

They were cut off by Light moving behind them, his lips awfully close to their ear as he opened his mouth to speak. “I said what I said.” he told them, “And I meant what I said.” Light ran his hand up Y/N’s arm, looking at their reflection in the computer screen in front of him with hooded eyes. “Now, Y/N, answer me this… Do you want something with me? All you have to do is nod that pretty head of yours and I’ll be all over you..” He whispered in their ear. 

Y/N hesitated for a moment. They were “good” friends with Misa, by good, it means they have had their fair share of insults thrown back and forth due to Light’s obvious difference in tone and emotion towards the two. Misa always suspected that Light & Y/N were up to something, more importantly, the poor girl was so paranoid that she thought Y/N was going to take her precious Light, yet she never acted on her suspicions due to Light always being with Ryuzaki during the day, she just assumed they didn’t have anything to hide. Either way, Misa or not, Y/N wanted Light just as much as Light wanted them, it was all a question of morality. If Misa walked in and saw her boyfriend pressed against the person who was now the head investigator of the Kira case, Y/N was sure the girl would freak, though Light has always told Misa that if anything were to happen to Y/N and their family, Light’s relationship with Misa would change in an instant and he wouldn’t think twice.

Y/N bit down on their lip, nodding their head. “I want it..” they mumbled, closing their eyes when they heard Light laugh, that pretty little laugh he always did. 

“Good choice.” Light said, spinning them around. Light looked down at them, pressing his lips against theirs. In all honesty, Light had never done anything intimately with feelings behind it. His body felt like it was on fire after discovering what it feels like to actually enjoy the kiss they shared. 

Y/N wrapped his arms around Light’s neck, leaning into their kiss as they fluttered their eyes shut. 

Light pulled away after a few seconds, his hand finding its way to the back of Y/N’s neck. “Pretty soon Misa will be out of the picture,” he hummed, his free hand finding the bottom of their shirt. “And you and I will be able to be together without having to worry about her,” Light tugged the thin fabric off of their body, tongue trailing down to wrap around their hardened nipple. 

Y/N arched into his touch, a gasp escaping their clenched teeth. “What do you mean Misa will be out of the picture..?” they asked, brushing his hair back. 

Light’s eyes flickered up to meet Y/N’s, a smile pulling at the corners of his lips as he took their nipple into his mouth. Light took the other nipple between his fingers, leaving Y/N’s question unanswered. 

Again, Y/N could have sworn that they saw a red glow in his eyes when he looked up and smiled. 

Light pulled off of their nipple with a pop. “I want you to get on your knees for me,” Light said to them, standing up from his kneeled position. 

Y/N instantly did what he said, unbuckling his pants, allowing them to fall to his ankles. Y/N looked up at him, tugging at his plain black boxers to expose his half-hard cock. Light sucked in a deep breath, his hands coming to Y/N’s hair. 

“Be good for me and choke on my cock..” Light whispered, watching them wrap their lips around his tip. He bit down on his lip, his hips arching forward to meet Y/N’s mouth, pushing himself farther down his throat. He watched his cock disappear down their throat. He gripped their hair, keeping their head in place as he thrusted his hips back and forth into them. He loved hearing them choke on his cock, it made him feel so powerful. “That’s fucking right, baby… Such a good little whore for me…”

They looked up at him through his lashes, keeping their mouth open for Light to use. Light made eye contact with them, keeping their hair from getting in their way. Light took in a sharp breath through his teeth, humming in approval. “So skilled using that pretty little mouth of yours… Keep doing it… Just like that..” he said to them. “Imagine what Misa would think… How do you think she would react if she walked into this room and saw you on your knees for me, taking all my dick down that pretty throat of yours… Think she’d be upset? ...Think she’d snap?” Light mumbled the last part, his eyes almost rolling back as he watched them.

Y/N hummed around him, the vibrations caused his dick to twitch in their mouth.. Y/N squinted their eyes, they knew Light knew something they didn’t, but Y/N would never think that he was Kira or something. To be honest, they never really know what they would do if Light turned out to be him and Ryuzaki was right. They always got so defensive and annoyed whenever Ryuzaki would even bring up the accusation. Y/N doesn’t think they could even be mad at Light, they loved him too much. He was basically their best friend.

“How does it feel, hm? Being below me, sucking my cock like the good little pet you are…” He watched them roll their tongue against his tip, swirling it over his slit. “Worship my cock like it’s your god, slut. You should be working but you’re mouth wide open all for me… It just shows I have so much control over you, yeah? I can tell you to do anything and you’d do it for me without hesitation?”

They nodded, maintaining eye contact with Light as he thrusted in and out of their mouth. 

“Making all those lewd noises… Oh, I’m sorry. You can’t control how dick depraved you are,” Light laughed, “ When I fuck into that pretty hole, I want you to scream my name, darling. I want you to cry ‘cause you feel so fucking good getting split open on my cock.”

Light hummed, “Get up. I want you to lean over against the table. And pull off your pants..” Light said to them, pulling away from their mouth. They did as he said, leaning over the table how he wanted, bent over for Light. 

Light walked over to them, rubbing his tip against their hole. “Aww… Look at that… Already stretched and ready… You’ve been waiting for a fat cock to fuck that pretty hole, hm? Before you came here, you fucked yourself, huh?” Light teased, slowly pushing his tip against them, “Well, my darling… Who does this body belong to now?”

“You..” Y/N whispered, laying their head down against the cold table. 

Light gripped their hips, pushing into them with one hard thrust. “Say it louder. I don’t think you convinced me yet..” he said. 

“My body’s all yours, Light. All yours to play with and fuck..” They told him, closing their eyes with a moan. “It feels so fucking good, Light..”

Light hummed, placing his hand on their lower back to keep them stable. “So fucking tight… that pretty little hole of yours is taking all of me… As it should..” he mumbled, beginning at a decent pace.

They felt their eyes cross at the feeling of his cock, gripping onto the edge of the table. “All for you, Light!” they moaned out when they felt him brush against their sensitive spot, toes curling. 

Light chuckled. “Ah… I found it..” he whispered, angling his hips to rock against that area over and over. “I can’t wait for you to cum all over this cock… Have you acting like a bitch in heat. Look back at me when I fuck you. I want to see your face… That pretty expression.”

They looked back at him, biting down on their lip to conceal the noises spilling out of their mouth. 

“Be as loud as you want, darling. Let everybody know that I’m the one making you feel this good. Let them know that your body is mine.” Light snapped his hips into them, quickening his pace. “Such a good little bitch, yeah?”

“I don’t want-… I don't want Misa to walk in!” Y/N arched their back, feeling tears fill at the brim of their eyes. They could feel the burn of the stretch from his cock still, but it was a feeling that they absolutely loved. They always dreamed about what it would be like to have Light stretching them open. 

Light pulled their hair, pressing them against his chest. “I don’t fucking care. Let her walk in. You should be grateful for my cock. You know Misa always is ready for me and asks everyday, but I always say no because I want to be buried inside of you. Don’t fucking act like an ungrateful bitch, take what’s given to you. Say you’re sorry.”

Y/N nodded, the tears spilling out of their eyes. “I’m sorry, Light..” 

“No, Y/N… What are you sorry for?” he asked, his hand coming down to smack their ass, watching the jiggle. 

“I’m sorry for being ungrateful. Thank you for your cock..” They whimpered. 

“I want you to call me your God..” Light whispered in their ear, “Say you’re sorry, ‘My God’.” Light told them. 

They looked up at him, cheeks soaked in tears. “...What do you mean?” They asked, still gripping at the table with sore knuckles. 

Light bit down on his lip to conceal a smile. “Oh… I forgot.. Cute little detective doesn’t know what I’m talking about..” Light would be lying if he said this conversation wasn’t egging him on, lying if he said the thought of Y/N being stretched on his cock and not knowing his true identity didn’t excite him. 

Y/N bit down on their lip, rocking their hips backward to meet his thrusts. “I-I don’t understand what you’re talking about..” Y/N whimpered, looking up at him through their lashes. 

Light let out a deep breath, humming into their ear. “You being so oblivious is so sexy, you know..” Light continued moving his hips, feeling Y/N clench around him. “What if I told you…” Light took his sweet time punctuating each of his words with a rough thrust, looking down at them, “What if I told you that the man who’s fucking into this tight hole of yours knew something you didn’t about Kira, hm?”

Y/N winced at the feeling, “If you have affiliations then-- fuck, then you should have told me, Light. You know how important this case was to Ryuz-”

“I don’t have affiliations with Kira, darling…” Light leaned down, mostly for dramatic effect. He took Y/N’s jaw into his hand, making them look up in the reflection of the computer screen. Y/N opened their eyes, looking up at their two moving bodies, listening to his voice and the sound of skin slapping against skin. He rolled his hips into him, hitting deeper areas as he breathed heavily into their ear.

“I am Kira.”

Y/N looked at him in the computer reflection. “Light don’t.. Joke around with me like that…” His eyes were doing that red thing again.

Light hummed. “I felt you clench around me, darling. Does that simple idea excite you? Getting fucked by someone you’ve been chasing for so, so long, only to end up at his mercy… If you tell on me, you’ll have no choice but to tell them how you found out and what you were doing to find this out. Imagine how disgusted the press would be if they found out you were spread open for Kira’s cock, hm? No… Imagine how disgusted Ryuzaki is in you... “ Light chuckled.

Y/N moaned out at his words, smacking a palm over their mouth as they went wide eyed. Something about the particular situation was sending them into a frenzy. Their sex spasming around Light, legs going weak and shaky as a band snapped in their stomach, orgasm washing over their body without warning. They knew it was wrong, but they were too caught in the moment to stop or prevent it. They wanted Light so badly for so long, the fact that he admitted to being Kira was only aiding the burning lust for him. They relaxed into his hand that was still holding his jaw, broken whimpers falling from their bruised lips.

“I knew you’d get off to the thought like a fucking slut… So do it. Moan my name as I fuck you into overstimulation, have that body aching for more. Gonna fuck you until you can’t see straight, gonna make sure you know who owns this pretty body. I’m gonna make sure you know that only I, Kira, can make you cum like that…” He whispered into their ear, his eyes still staring at them in the computer’s reflection.

Y/N’s face burned, eyes hooded as they panted. “Fuck me, Kira… Please… I’m all yours…” Y/N said, watching his lips turn into a smile and his cheeks flush red instantly, “It turns me on knowing that you’re Kira and you own my body…” They kept going, “I want you to fill me with your cum, make me remember who owns me even after you pull out. I want to feel you for days, Kira..”

Light let out a grunt, closing his eyes as he felt his orgasm approaching. It was something about Y/N calling him Kira that made his knees go weak. Hearing Kira always made Light feel some type of way, but hearing Y/N moan out the name sent shivers down Light’s spine. It was like the simple name was at the top of some made up hierarchy in his head, hearing someone call him Kira while they were bent over for his cock, begging for his cum made him feral.

He bit down on Y/N’s neck as he came, his hips stuttering, making his thrusts sloppy. He let out a string of curses, his chest heaving against Y/N’s back. “So fucking good for me..” he hiccuped, his hands still gripping Y/N’s jaw tightly. He finally let it go, looking at the pretty handprint left on their skin, the same on their hips.

Y/N couldn’t believe what they just did, but somehow it just made them want more. They turned around onto their back, gripping Light’s shirt collar. “Keep going, please..” They begged, looking up at him with glossy eyes and tear marked cheeks.

Light laughed, his hands finding their hips again as he slid back into them. “I knew you were a slut, but I didn’t think you were this slutty,” Light looked down at them, finding a rhythm in his thrusts, “Getting off to the fact that I’m a criminal, one you’ve spent so much time trying to trace… And all this time, he was right in front of you. Well, I guess right on top of you now, huh?” He chuckled, watching their face twist in pleasure.

Y/N nodded, eyes crossing as he spoke. “You’re so fucking big, Kira..”

Light moved his hands to their cheeks, roughly pressing his lips against theirs, moaning into their mouth as he slid his tongue between their lips. 

He continued his hip thrusts, Y/N’s whimpers and moans spilling into his mouth. 

“Gonna cum for me again?” Light asked, looking into their eyes. 

They nodded, looking back at him. “I wanna cum..” they said, pulling him into another kiss. 

“Cum with me then..” he said, quickening his hips. Light never felt any better, he was in pure ecstasy, knowing he was able to fuck the person he’d been fantasizing about for years, and they even get off to Light’s obvious god complex. He couldn’t ask for more. 

They both came, pressing against each other as they moaned in unison. 

After a little while, Light sat up and looked down at Y/N, stroking their cheek with his thumb, a smile on his lips.  

“You know, baby… We should do this again sometime.”

[dracothedeatheatingcupcake-ao3]

TPWP Introspective

Hey guys!! So, as you noticed, there was no update today either, like I had commented that I may try and do if possible. The reason I didn’t post today, though, is because I remembered that I wrote a little introspective thing about TPWP a few days ago that I wanted to post before the next chapter, if possible. I spent the last hour and a half intermittently touching it up (while also talking to friends, ha). I wrote this after waking up at five in the morning and not being able to go back to sleep, so I was fairly tired and rambley when writing it, ha. 

Anyway, this is pretty long discussion about something that’s bugged me about TPWP for a little while, which is why I’ve made Taka so sexual despite not really thinking he would be like that in canon. In my attempt to write about that, my exhausted self also went into another problem I have with TPWP, which is the fact that neither Taka nor Mondo are really like their canon selves anymore. And while that was a purposeful thing, I never could pinpoint why, and I think I managed to in this post, so there’s that, ha. 

Now, it’s getting late and I’m very tired, so I’ll add my introspective thingy in a read more. It’s about 5k words and goes over a lot about Taka and Mondo’s interpretation in TPWP. 

Hey all! So, I wanted to go over something that’s been bugging me for a while in TPWP, though no one else seems annoyed by it. But I kind of am, so I just wanted to… I don’t know. Discuss it in case anyone else also has problems with it, but just isn’t bringing it up in comments. And the thing that I wanted to talk about is the fact that I’ve made Taka and Mondo so sexual in this story, despite this not really striking me as something Taka, in particular, would be like. In order to discuss all that, though, I have to go through a bunch of other explanations about what my main goal in this story has always been, as a kind of backstory. So, buckle up, my friends. This is a doozy.

 See, while I didn’t have much of an idea when I started writing, the one thing I knew I wanted to play around with was the idea of dismantling Taka and everything that makes him tick. In the game, he is shown as a strict, passionate, highly motivated character, spending so much time studying and trying to better himself that he lost sight of who he is other than that. He doesn’t have friends and confesses to Makoto that he doesn’t even understand how people make friends through connecting over things like television, since he’s so detached from anything other than his goals. The writers even comment on how he is almost mad with his passion and righteousness. 

 That whole persona seems so unattainable to me. I’m someone who seeks ‘perfection,’ right? I’m a perfectionist and it burns me so much to know that no matter what I do, there will always, ALWAYS be faults in the things I create. I put myself and my creations against others and always find myself lacking. It burns me and makes me feel so… I don’t even know. Unhappy.  Upset. Things like that. And I’ve gotten much better with this over the years, right? I accept that my work will not be perfect, and that anything I can create is enough since I created it and I enjoyed creating it. But the feeling is still there. The unhappiness. The discontent. 

 So, when I saw Taka and his madness to become better, I wanted to take that and see if I could deconstruct it. If I could break Taka down to his core, expose all of the secret little things inside of him that he must be hiding to present such a ‘perfect’ front, and turn it on its side. To give Taka reasons for his madness to better himself and then take it apart. Or, in other words, the entire premise I had for this story was to take Taka and break him down. And then, then I would build him back up. Into something less ‘perfect,’ less rules oriented, but a hell of a lot happier. Because in canon… Taka didn’t really strike me as happy. Not based on the things he would say to Makoto in both free time events and the school mode. 

 In order to do that, of course, I had to completely break apart the things that made him so rule oriented in the first place. And to someone who has spent almost their entire life building up this one persona, that sort of thing can be terrifying and uncomfortable. And it can lead to a lot of confusion and scrambling afterwards. 

 Chapter 17 was where I made the biggest break for Taka. I’d been chipping away at him for the first 16 chapters, and then 17 was the one where I took my sledgehammer and went to town. That chapter was the one in which Taka realized just how unhappy and discontent he had been growing up. He’d always stuffed that down and ignored it in order to keep going, forcing himself to ignore his pain so that he could become all that he wanted to be. He wasn’t even conscious of doing this since it was so deeply engrained in him by that point. Like I said in the very first chapter, Taka would run so fast and so fervently from his insecurities growing up that he didn’t even notice that they were occurring within him. Or if he did, he ignored them until it all went away.

 In chapter 17, Taka stopped being able to run. His feelings for Mondo created a huge rift inside him and he didn’t know how to handle it. And then, after his conversion with his father, he realized that he’d been forcing everything down for all of his life, to the point that he didn’t know who he was. He wanted to be an upright, moral individual, but how could he be if he is in love with a man? How can he be when he can feel such impure, base desire for someone, a man especially? And I’m not saying that there is anything wrong with a man loving a man, not at all! Just… it went against the carefully constructed morality Taka, personally, had spent his entire life forcing himself to abide by, and that was a huge blow to him. He couldn’t comprehend it and he just… fell apart. 

 But he didn’t fall apart alone. Mondo was there to catch him as he fell, was there to help gather the pieces, and Taka latched onto that. He didn’t know what was happening or why, but he knew that Mondo was a vital component to all of it. In a way… Mondo was everything to him. 

 The main point is that I wanted to break Taka’s character apart, mostly because I cannot imagine someone being that moral and upright while not being completely miserable (or without actually being completely immoral, like all those people who preach righteousness while actually doing horrible things behind the scenes without care). There’s a sort of misery in enforced righteousness, especially considering how horrible the world can be. I liked Taka and I wanted him to be happy. And I couldn’t, for the life of me, imagine him being the way he was portrayed in the game and also being happy. Maybe that’s just me projecting, but… I don’t know. 

 But deconstructing years of a carefully constructed persona is— like I said— terrifying. And for someone like Taka, whose entire life plan was crafted around a certain image? I can only imagine that would be like jumping off a plane into a black, inky darkness, no idea where you’re going to land. But Taka did that, because the only other option was to continue living with intense unhappiness, lying to himself to keep his sanity. But the problem with lying to yourself is that it gets so much harder once you know the truth. It can be done, of course, but it leads to even more unhappiness and pain and Taka… Taka realized that he didn’t want that. He didn’t want to be in pain anymore. He… he wanted to be happy. Which is an incredibly hard thing to accept when you’ve spent years silently accepting your own unhappiness as a fact of life. 

 As such, everything that has occurred since chapter 17 has been Taka’s attempt at constructing a new personality, in a way. A personality that marries the beliefs and goals he has always had while also combining them with a new sense of happiness and contentment in his life that before now he’s never felt. And this… this is so, so hard for him to do. 

 And it gets harder when his and Mondo’s relationship shifts. When he gets a taste of something he’d previously not allowed himself to ever, ever feel. Which brings us to the questions of why, exactly, I put so much sexual content into this story, despite it not seeming like something Taka would really want to do in canon.

 Because… it’s not about pleasure. Right? It was never about pleasure or desire. It was about Taka allowing himself to feel something that every human feels (or, you know. Not every human. But a lot). It was about making Taka acknowledge that he is feeling these ‘impure,’ ‘sinful’ desires and allowing him to feel it. And, of course, this can be overwhelming. Taka has never allowed himself to feel these sorts of things before, had always pushed them so far down he couldn’t even see them. So far down he could pretend they weren’t there. 

 But they were. They always were. Taka can feel desire and attraction. He can feel them just fine. The whole point of the sexual content was to show Taka that it is okay to feel like that and that it’s not wrong or immoral. That Taka can feel attracted to someone, a man especially, and not feel ashamed. But more than that, it’s about allowing Taka to acknowledge that can be who is he in general without shame. That he doesn’t always have to be ‘perfect’ or infallible. That he can just be… Taka.

 The biggest problem in all of this, however, is the fact that Taka is not the only character in this story. He’s not the only one going through a metamorphosis. Because Mondo? Oh, you can bet your sweet behind I was making Mondo go through his own metamorphosis, too. 

 Because everything I said about Taka up until now? I also feel about Mondo. I view Mondo’s tough guy, biker persona just like I view Taka’s upright, moral one. It’s a facade. Something that is hiding what is truly going on under the surface. It protects their soft, gooey innards, keeping them both safe whilst also providing them a sense of being. Of belonging. 

 But it’s not healthy. Hiding behind a persona, not letting your true emotions show. It’s unhealthy and leads to, you know… pain and unhappiness. And Mondo… Mondo also strikes me as a somewhat unhappy character. His disconnect in the game is less towards other people, however, and more towards himself. Makoto acknowledges many times after speaking with Mondo during free time events that he has a hidden side to him. A softer, ‘cuter’ side that he tries (and fails, ha) to keep hidden. 

 Like with Taka, I wanted to break Mondo’s carefully constructed persona and remove this hidden person inside him. I wanted to bring that person to the surface, finally allowing Mondo to stop feeling like he has to hide behind anger and rage and being ‘strong’. I wanted… I don’t know. To allow Mondo to not feel so ashamed of his weaker side, I guess. 

 This was a lot harder to do than with Taka, though, for a couple reasons. One, I was not writing from Mondo’s perspective in TPWP, which means all of his metamorphosis was being seen through the eyes of another. Which is not always easy to portray, sadly. For another, Mondo has a huge reason to keep his inner self hidden and locked away. Taka’s reason is shame and a desire to prove himself, right? This, in my eyes, is fairly simple to deconstruct. All you have to do is find a way to remove the shame and realize that it’s okay to feel what you feel. And yes, this is challenging, but… it’s not impossible. 

 Mondo, though? What’s keeping Mondo back isn’t just shame and a desire to prove himself. No. What’s holding Mondo back is guilt. Mondo feels guilty for his weakness. He feels guilty that his supposed ‘weakness’ killed his brother. He feels guilty that this same ‘weakness’ is preventing him from telling the truth, from accepting the responsibility for his supposed crime. Mondo, in many ways, hates himself. In this story, at least. And guilt is a much, much harder emotion to deconstruct than shame. There’s also the fact that I made Mondo an abuse survivor, which adds another element into this all that I won’t get into since this whole thing is already much longer than I’d initially intended, oof. 

 Anyway. The point here is that both Taka and Mondo are going through this metamorphosis at the same time. And I did this purposely since I wanted to have them help each other grow. Right? Because I view Taka and Mondo as very similar characters. They both have a need to prove themselves and a sense of inner righteousness that guides them in what they do. They just took opposite paths in their expression of these things. But ultimately, at their core, Taka and Mondo are very similar in my eyes. 

 Honestly, that’s part of why I had them hate one another in the beginning (on top of the fact that they didn’t get along in the game at first either, ha). That was each of them seeing themself in the other, and absolutely hating what they saw. Because they hate themselves. Because they cannot stand the persona they’ve created. Because it’s such a painfully false front that it’s almost offensive to them to see it on another. 

 Chapter ten was my way of letting them acknowledge a sense of self love for the first time. By accepting the other as flawed, but still fundamentally good, it allowed them to see themselves in a somewhat positive light for the first time. To accept that this person they once hated with all of their heart is… not that bad when it comes down to it. And not only are they not that bad, but they’re actually kind of amazing, really. 

 I… hm. I don’t really know where I’m going with this. I am very tired and am kind of just rambling at this point. I guess I just… I wanted to acknowledge that I’ve changed both of these characters a lot from canon, Taka especially. And this change has been expressed in a great way in Taka’s increased sexuality. And that I know this, that I know this isn’t really what canon Taka would act like, but that’s kind of the point. As much as I love Taka as a character, he’s kind of one dimensional. All of the characters in Danganronpa are. I think, in a way, they’re meant to be. But when you spend time with them, during the free time events and the school mode, you begin to see a slightly more well-rounded picture. 

 But it… it still feels a little flat to me. A little hollow. So, in this story, I just… wanted to flesh out these characters that I like and see so much potential in. I wanted to take them, give them tragic backstories, and see if I could find a way to give them balance. To keep them somewhat the same as they once were, to not fully remove their canon aspects, but not have that be their sole, defining characteristic anymore. Taka is still the Ultimate Moral Compass, and Mondo is still the Ultimate Biker Gang Leader. But that’s not all they are. Not by the end of the story. 

 Now, did I succeed in my plan? I… honestly, I don’t know. This entire thing was never something I consciously thought of while writing. It was more… a desire of mine, which might be why I’m having such a hard time describing it here, ha. It’s up to all of you to determine if I succeeded in writing these characters in a way that respects their canon characterization, while also adding a sense of balance within them. 

 Also— not to sound pretentious (though I know I am, oof. I always am when dead tired, sorry)— but in a way, this whole story was a metaphor for self-acceptance and self-love. And allowing yourself to find peace in who and what you are, no matter what. I made Taka and Mondo literary parallels in this story for a reason, giving them similar backstories (Taka was abused by bullies and neglected by his father; Mondo was abused by his father and neglected by his mother. Mondo’s brother died, leaving a hole in his heart; Taka’s mother died, leaving a hole in his heart. Taka watched his grandfather fall from grace and used that as a catalyst to ‘better’ himself, thus hiding all the unpleasant and unsavory aspects about himself; Mondo watched his brother die and used that as a catalyst to ‘better’ himself, thus hiding all the unpleasant and unsavory aspects about himself… etc.) to showcase this metaphor, in a way. 

 And it… it was to show that them helping the other grow symbolizes allowing yourself to grow, too. It symbolizes taking all the harsh and ugly parts of yourself that you hate, seeing it in another person, and realizing you actually love them, really. It symbolizes showing kindness to yourself for your faults, something I personally struggle with. By having Taka and Mondo love one another so fiercely, even without fully knowing why… it symbolizes, in my mind, letting you love yourself. 

 And, like… I know how pretentious this sounds, ha. And I don’t think I really succeeded in portraying all of this, unfortunately. But I just… I don’t know. I love the idea of Taka and Mondo and I wanted to write a story where they love one another unconditionally, while at the same time learning to love themselves too. 

 In many ways, I wish I had made this story take place over the span of a longer amount of time. Three months is just… it’s too quick to do everything I wanted to do in this story. Like I’ve said before, this story was never meant to be so long, word count wise. And a lot of what I wrote about here was not really planned when I started writing. While I wanted to deconstruct Taka, I didn’t really realize how long that would take, oof. Or what it all would entail. I thought three months would be plenty of time in universe, but then more and more things started happening, and by the time I realized it would need more time to progress naturally, I had passed the point of no return, pretty much.

 If I could do this story all over again, I think I’d make it take place over the span of a year instead. I’d start the school year in April, like it’s supposed to be in Japan, and extend the amount of time Taka and Mondo were enemies. I’d have them become friends shortly before summer break and when they come back, have them go through the beginnings of their friendship like I had it in the story, but allowing it more time to progress. Taka and Mondo would still have their fight on Halloween, since that’s kind of an important aspect of that chapter, but they’d have had a longer time to be friends before that occurred. And then, after that, they’d have their physical relationship progress a lot more naturally and less hurriedly, the relationship spanning from perhaps right before winter break begins to the end of the school year in Japan, which is March. It would give them more time to come to terms with everything and accept themselves. 

 Part of me honestly kind of does want to change around TPWP to do this, but it would change a lot of fundamental parts of the story, which would be a lot of work. And if I was planning on publishing this story, I’d definitely do it since I think it would fix a lot of the problems that I have with how this story progresses. Three months is not long enough to completely deconstruct your entire personality, really. A year is a lot better and makes more sense to me. But, as it stands, I… I like TPWP. Is it perfect? No. But… that’s kind of the point? Nothing is perfect and if I allow myself, I’ll keep digging myself into more and more holes with this story, and at some point, I just… have to acknowledge I did the best I could and move on. Also, I do think that having it take place over three months isn’t completely unrealistic. Not with how unhappy both Taka and Mondo already had been. And there are some things that would be unrealistic if it took place over a year, too, so… eh.

 I really don’t know where I’m going with this anymore, dear god. I’m going to go back to my original point real quick and hopefully finish this now hour long, rambling rant I’ve for some reason been going on. Jeez. 

 So. The purpose of the sexual content in this story. It— like a lot of other things in this story— was more meant as kind of like… a metaphor. It’s not about the sex, it’s about self-acceptance. Taka spent so many years denying himself and his sexuality, fearing it and feeling ashamed of it. By allowing himself to be sexual and intimate with Mondo, he’s accepting that aspect of himself and embracing it. But, because he spent so long denying it, he doesn’t quite know when it’s too much. He’s spent his life pushing down his discontent and discomfort to become what other people want him to be, and as such, he doesn’t quite know where his own boundaries lie. 

 And I’m going to be quite honest with y’all: Taka doesn’t enjoy the sexual acts quite as much as he thinks he does. No, I’m not saying that Mondo is taking advantage of Taka, or that Taka hates what they’re doing, not at all! Just… Taka feels uncomfortable with the things he and Mondo are doing, but because he enjoys the sensation and enjoys being close to Mondo, he pushes down the feeling of discontent, like he’s done all of his life. He just… doesn’t know what else to do. He knows he likes being close to Mondo, knows he enjoys the things they do together, but can’t quite put his finger on the fact that he doesn’t really enjoy being sexual. That he only likes the sexual acts because it’s the only way he can be close to Mondo in the way he wants, both physically and— in a way— emotionally. 

 And part of Taka does realize this, right? The deep, deep, hidden part of himself that only comes out at night when everything else is silent. I call this the ‘introspective’ part. But this is a hard part of yourself to access and acknowledge. Especially when you’re young. I, personally, am a very introspective person. It’s why I can write about emotions and feelings decently, and why I am currently writing this little introspective about TPWP. But it was a lot harder for me when I was a teen to realize what that introspection meant. It’s why I didn’t realize I had undiagnosed anxiety until I was eighteen and in college, which was ironically a lot easier for me than high school was. It took me being out of the situation I was in to look at myself and realize exactly why I felt what I felt, even though I knew I felt that stuff much earlier. 

 Taka’s still in his bad situation, though. He’s still struggling with the desire of what he wants and what he’s forcing himself to settle for. And, basically, he doesn’t understand why he’s unhappy at being sexual. He knows on a base level that he is, but he can’t quite place his finger on the why. Which is, as I’ve said, because it’s not really what he wants. He’s settling for having Mondo in whatever way he can because he thinks he has to. But it’s not what he wants, and it’s honestly killing him inside to be so close to his desired outcome, but not have it. He hates that the only way he can have Mondo is in such a shallow, debased way, but he’s forced himself to believe that this is all he will ever have, and that he must be happy with it or else he will lose it, like he’s lost every good thing in his life before that point. And the thought of losing what he and Mondo have is just… it’s too much for him. He’s still figuring himself out, still building his new personality from the ruins of the old, and he kind of needs Mondo to help prop him up as he does this. 

 (Which is, by the way, unhealthy in a relationship. It’s very codependent and can lead to some negative outcomes in its own right. But this rant of mine has been going on for almost two hours, so I’m not going to get into this right now. Just know that I know, and that it’s not intended to be portrayed as a good thing. None of Taka’s coping mechanisms are, which is why they all fail in the end, leaving him discontent. But as of now, Taka kind of needs Mondo, so he’s overlooking the potential negative outcome and is just allowing himself to have Mondo. Make sense?) 

 In the end, the only way for Taka to fully come to terms with everything that is swirling within him is to have Mondo acknowledge the love they share for each other, since he can’t accept everything about himself until Mondo does. He needs Mondo to look at him, look at his flaws, and say ‘I love you no matter what. You are not perfect, but I still love you.’ And while Mondo has done this to some degree, it’s not the love Taka not-so-secretly desires. But, like I said earlier, Mondo is going through his own metamorphosis and isn’t quite at that stage yet. 

 All of this comes to a head in the last three chapters of TPWP. Does everything get resolved by the end? No. Of course not. There’s just not enough time for that. Discovering yourself takes years, really. And you never finish. Even if I had elongated the amount of time this story takes place to a year, there still would be things unresolved when the story ended. 

 That being said, the main problems both Taka and Mondo are going through reach a conclusion. I don’t want to go too much into this to prevent spoilers, but just know that everything I brought up here? Gets some form of acknowledgment in the last chapters and gets some manner of resolution. And everything else was initially intended to be resolved in sequels, which may or may not be written, who knows. But TPWP ends in a way that even without further writing from my part, I firmly believe that all of y’all can see where Mondo and Taka will go from here. That it won’t be easy, but that they will eventually figure themselves out. 

 So… yeah. That insanely long and complicated rant boils down to this: Taka and Mondo being sexual is not really about them being sexual but is about them understanding and accepting their love not just for one another, but for themselves, too. It’s a catalyst. And I didn’t go over Mondo’s views on this all, and I won’t since this has gone on so long (plus I’ve not written Mondo’s perspective on those chapters yet, so even I don’t fully know, though I have ideas), but believe me when I say it’s more than just sex for him, too. That’s one of the reasons why I didn’t really want to categorize this story as explicit at first, since it’s never been about the sex to me. It’s… more than that. 

 I don’t know if any of this made any sense, but I think I’m going to stop now. Maybe I’ll go back when I’m less tired and expand on this (and I’ll let y’all know if I do, writing after this break if I added anything or not) (I added a little to some parts and took out a couple of parts, but mostly this is the same thing I wrote between 5 and 7 am when I couldn’t sleep, ha), but for now, I’ll leave it. 

  ~

And— final thing (that I added after trying to fall back asleep and failing, ha)— maybe I’m being more pretentious about my writing than it deserves. Maybe I’m saying all of this to try and excuse the flaws in my writing, like I always do internally. But… I don’t know. This is legitimately the sort of thing that went through my head whilst writing. I knew I wanted to put these elements in my story, even if I wasn’t consciously thinking about it, but trying to do all of that is just… hard. And I’m limited as a writer, I’ll acknowledge that. My thoughts are too big for my head and trying to write them all down is complicated for me. It’s why this little introspective is so long and rambling. It’s my way of trying to not just get you all to figure out what I mean, but also get myself to understand it. Because, while I know what I mean on an abstract, metaphysical level, I don’t really understand it all myself in a concrete, definable level. And this rambling is me trying to make sense of that. Does… does that make any sense at all? Or is this just gibberish? I don’t know. I think I understand it, but I have no idea if anyone else will. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ 

 Anyway. I hope this didn’t come across as too pretentious or like I’m trying to show off how ~~intellectual~~ I am. That’s not my intention at all. It’s just… it’s how I think. And it’s how I show myself to the world, in a way. My written work is always so personal to me. I put a lot of myself into my work, sometimes intentionally, but often unintentionally. And I’m not saying I went through any of what I put Mondo or Taka through. In fact, almost none of it relates to my life at all. I was never abused by anyone, nor was I bullied in school. I have a fairly good relationship with my parents and was well liked by my classmates, even when I didn’t really go to class often due to illness. I am not impoverished, nor have I ever really faced high expectations from family or the people around me. I’ve never really had to anguish over my sexuality, since I accepted myself as asexual pretty easily, though I still struggle to be open about it with everyone. And I’ve never lost a loved one.

 So… no. It’s not that I’ve gone through what the characters have gone through. But… the emotions. The feeling. All of that… it’s me. Even if it’s imagined or created, I feel everything that I write and put down. It’s why angst comes more naturally to me, since I’ve felt a lot of negative emotions in my life. And most of it is self-inflicted. Like… I mentioned that I never had high expectations from family, but I did from myself. I expected so, so much from myself, and I still do. And while I was always well liked by my peers, I still felt alienated from them, like I… I don’t know. Didn’t really belong. And I feared that if they ever got to truly know me, THEN they’d hate me, and that was just… I don’t know. Too much for me. The thought that these things could happen. That I could have good things and then, through my own personal failings, lose them. 

 These fears are where I come from when writing. My fear of being hated and isolated. My fear of never being enough. My fear of letting everyone down. My fear of always being alone and losing the people I love. I write about it in my stories and I… I find a way to fix it. To show myself that even if something like that did happen, it… it can get better. You can still be loved even if you are flawed and kind of broken inside. And maybe I don’t believe that I ever will find love, maybe I can’t believe that anyone would look at me like that if they truly got to know me, but it’s still nice to read about it. To see my fears in characters I love and have them be okay in the end. It’s why I always like to have at least somewhat happy endings in my stories. I need to see that it’s okay. That even if the worst-case scenario happened… I’d still be okay. 

 (Also, I know people are going to ask this, but please know that yes, I am okay. I get like this sometimes, where I think a lot about stuff, and it can be overwhelming, which is why I write it down. It’s funny that I’ve never had a diary or journal, since it seems like something that would help me, but writing things down for my personal perusal never made sense to me. It’s why I always post things like this. It’s really personal, but it helps me feel better. Like I’m being understood in some way. So, just… know that I’m doing alright. I just wanted to try and explain something that has been bugging me in this story for a while now that I finally found the words for. And by letting it out into the world, I can remove it from my chest, I suppose. But introspection doesn’t really upset me much. It’s cathartic more than anything. Painful and confusing while going through it but relieving once it’s done. All I ask is to be heard, that’s all. And understood if possible. If you’re willing.)

 (Also also, please know that I wrote this little introspective several days ago while very tired, and I’m over this burst of emotions by now mostly. So, again, I’m really okay. And I’m not pulling a Taka, trying to pretend I’m doing alright when I’m not. I do mean it, ha.)

 (Also also also, but y’all can see where I get my writing style from when looking at this, ha. This is basically my thought process written down, which is why TPWP is written the way it is. I write like I think, which is long, rambling, and emotive. Just a little fun fact. ^-^)

[hayleysstark]

For your prompt event: Merlin accidentally hurting Arthur with his magic post-reveal and freaking out about it? (I love your writing!)

oh my god op YOUR MIND!!!!!!!!! im losign it,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, 

Arthur had all of ten seconds to get out of range and, as it turned out, ten seconds wasn't nearly enough.

To tell the truth, he knew it was all his own fault—he hadn't tried or, at least, he hadn't tried hard enough, mostly because he didn't want to get out of range, he didn't want to run away, and he certainly didn't want to leave Merlin behind to face the mad old witch entirely on his own. For all his magic, for all his power and know-how and strange, old-soul wisdom, Merlin was a right idiot most of the time and, while Arthur trusted him to take down an obviously mediocre, middle-of-the-road sorceress alone, he most definitely did not trust him to be smart about it. He didn't trust Merlin to be smart about most things, come to that, but magical battles with evil sorcerers was settled firmly at the top of the list.

But it didn't do an ounce of good, because Arthur couldn't get near enough to land a blow on the old woman, and he couldn't even get near enough to watch Merlin's back like he should, like he usually did in these sorts of situations—the spells flew far too thick and fast around the quiet green grove, blinding bursts of color and light flashing like suns and stars in the deep shadows of the wood, curses rebounding like stray cannonballs off the trees and boulders and branches—no, he could only stand there, sword in his hand, out on the edge of the battle, completely useless.

All of a sudden, the old witch stopped, her wrinkled hands still held out in front of her, and she said something—it didn't sound like magic, it didn't sound like a spell, and it didn't look much like magic, either, it looked like she was talking to Merlin, like she was talking and she wanted him to talk back, but Arthur couldn't hear the words over the whispers and rustles of all the sorcery in the grove—and it must have been magic, he realized, hardly half a second later, because a high, howling wind whipped up, right in the middle of the forest, on a cloudless, sunny day.

She must be a bit better than mediocre, then, she must be a bit more than middle-of-the-road, if she could call up storms like Merlin could—

The wind picked up, stronger and stronger until the shriek of it was all Arthur could hear, until the force of it nearly ripped his cloak from his shoulders and clawed the sword from his hand, until it pushed him back, farther and farther away from the old witch, away from Merlin, until it finally grabbed him up in its screaming grip and slammed him, with a nasty crunch, back into the nearest tree.

As near as Arthur could figure out, from the flashes of blue sky rushing past over his head and the fleeting glimpses of Merlin's bone-white face and terrified blue eyes, he had come back 'round on the way back to the castle, but he hadn't stayed awake long enough to remember much, and Merlin had, apparently, defeated the old woman mere moments after Arthur had blacked out, but he never heard the whole of it, and Merlin never told him.

All he could say for certain was, when he had finally opened his eyes to find himself in Gaius' chambers, in the rickety white cot reserved solely for the very ill, the old man had forced him to choke down a vast number of horrible potions and medicines before he had allowed Arthur to settle back in his own bedchamber.

It had seemed an awful lot of fuss for nothing but a broken arm and a few bruised ribs, and, if he had to make a guess, he would say the whole thing had upset Merlin rather more than he had thought it would, and certainly a great deal more than it had any right to—the idiot had turned into the perfect servant in the week since, nothing but yes Sire or no Sire or let me get that for you, Sire, not one gripe or grumble or complaint to be had, and never more than ten steps from Arthur's bedside.

And he didn't make a face when Arthur told him to muck the stables, and he didn't breeze in to work a half hour too late Arthur's breakfast in one hand and a sheepish smile on his face, and he didn't throw the curtains wide and shout good morning like he wanted to wake the entire castle, and he hadn't spilled wine in Arthur's lap even once, and he hadn't used his magic to heat the bathwater, or scrub the floor, or make the bed, and Arthur's armor had literally never shined brighter, a dazzling silver gleam out of the corner of his eye, glinting and flashing in the light of the sun through the open window.

It was absolutely unbearable.

And it was obviously much more than the usual mother-hen impulses Merlin fell into when Arthur got hurt, because he certainly hadn't acted like this even when Arthur had gotten a bite from the Questing Beast, when Arthur had, very literally, cheated death, and survived the unsurvivable!

No, this was bigger than all Merlin's girlish little fits and frenzies of fear, this was more than his everyday panic over nothing, and Arthur was not going to put up with it one moment longer.

"All right," he said, eight days out from that fight in the forest with the old witch, his arm still wrapped firmly in a simple white sling, and the bruising on his ribs a touch lighter now, and certainly less painful, "out with it, Merlin, what is it? What's gotten into you lately?"

"Sorry?" Merlin said, flatly, and he didn't even look up from where he had crouched down to pick up all the dirty laundry scattered 'round the chamber. "Not sure what you mean."

Arthur rolled his eyes. "Don't be an idiot, Merlin, you and I both know that suits you a bit too well."

"Yeah," Merlin said blandly, stuffing Arthur's brown trousers in his basket, "just one of my many gifts, Sire."

"Merlin," Arthur sat up a little in his seat, and put down his quill with a soft swish of the long white feather on parchment, "what's going on?"

"Nothing," Merlin said at once. He tossed a pair of socks in the basket, too. "It's nothing."

Arthur waited.

Merlin straightened up and turned his back on Arthur to pluck a red tunic up off the floor and plop it down in the basket with everything else.

Arthur waited a bit more.

All of a sudden, Merlin stopped, with the basket perched on the end of the bed, his hands still clinging to the wooden rim, and finally, Arthur thought, with a rush of relief, finally, he's going to stop being such a girl and just tell me—

Merlin sniffled.

Arthur's insides turned to ice. Oh, God, no, this was a mistake, this was a terrible, awful, horrendous mistake, and now Merlin was having feelings, and what if Merlin wanted to talk about those feelings, couldn't he just give Merlin the day off and let him sort it out on his own time, wasn't that a thing he could do, or would that be "insensitive" and "rude" the way Guinevere always told him, would that make him a "bad friend" the way Guinevere always told him—? "Um," he said, a little blankly, and a lot desperately, "y-you don't need to—you shouldn't—erm—"

"I—" Merlin wiped at his face with the back of his hand, and turned to look at Arthur, his eyes red and puffy, his cheeks sticky and stained with tears, "—I-I'm sorry."

"For crying?" Arthur said, rather weakly, and also rather hopefully.

"I should have said it sooner, but I thought you were going to—to bring it up, and I thought you were going to be angry, so I-I just waited and waited, but you didn't—"

Not for crying, then, Arthur concluded dismally, before he scraped up the last remnants of his dwindling-in-the-face-of-a-crying-Merlin courage. "Why on earth did you think I'd be angry with you?"

"I did this to you," Merlin said, looking for all the world like a deeply repentant puppy left out in the pouring rain, waiting to be kicked. "I hurt you. I-I used my magic to h-hurt you."

What? Arthur blinked a bit dazedly at Merlin while he waited for the words to make some sort of sense. "Hang on," he said, slowly, mostly to make sure he had this absolutely right, "you were the one who called up that wind? You were the one who—?"

Merlin blinked back, just as dazedly. "Y-You didn't know?"

"I thought it was the witch!" Arthur said, thoroughly baffled now. "What in God's name did you do that for? You never do storms unless it's—!"

"I got angry," Merlin said miserably. He sniffled again and wiped at his nose now. "I—I got so angry, she—she said some things that made me realize she was—she was somebody that had done really awful things, she had—she had hurt someone I know, she'd hurt her really badly, and I lost my temper, and—" he flicked a mournful glance up at Arthur from under his wet lashes, "—and it just happened, and Arthur, I'm so sorry!"

Arthur almost crumpled right back down in his seat again. Merlin had conjured up that wind, not the old witch, and oh, that made sense now, didn't it, he had thought, even then, the old woman hadn't seemed strong enough for magic like that, he had thought she hadn't had the power for a thing like that, and he had been right, and—

—and if she was so mediocre and middle-of-the-road, what on earth had she done in her past, to make Merlin so furious with her? "Is she—?" Arthur raised his head to look at his friend on the other side of the room. "Is she all right? The friend that the witch hurt? Is she all right now?"

Merlin stared blankly back at him, blue eyes wide and wet. "That's—?" he scrubbed at his nose again. "That's what you're worried about? Not the fact that I almost killed you?"

Arthur almost laughed. "It's a broken arm, Merlin, and it's not even my sword arm! Honestly, I hardly think I'm going to drop dead all because—"

"It's not funny," Merlin snapped, his every word sharp as a knife when it rolled off his tongue. "It's not funny, Arthur, this isn't a joke! I almost killed you! I almost killed you because I lost my temper! Because I lost control!"

"Yes," Arthur conceded, "but everyone loses their temper at some point, I wouldn't worry about it if I were—"

"Well, you're not me!" Merlin bit out. "And count yourself lucky on that, because when you lose your temper, you don't have to worry that you'll wipe out the entire kingdom, or—or level a whole forest, or put all your friends in danger just because you can't—!"

"M-Merlin," Arthur said, too startled to stay silent any longer, "of course you're not going to—"

"You don't know that!"

"No, I don't know that!" Arthur said sharply, a bitter burn of fury in the back of his throat, because what the hell was wrong with this idiot, why the hell couldn't he see—? "You're right, Merlin, I don't know that, I don't know for absolutely certain that you are never going to do something horrible, but I trust that you won't! I don't know, I can't tell the future, I'm not a Seer, but I trust you to do what's right and to never take it too far, and isn't that enough for you?"

For a moment that felt very much like forever, Merlin only looked at Arthur, his eyes still red, a few stray tears still trailing lazily down his wet cheeks. "But look at what I did to you," he whispered. "You can't honestly tell me you're not angry with me."

Arthur let out a soft, heavy sigh, and rubbed a hand down the side of his face. Yeah, sure, he was a bit put out, but mostly he was put out that he had gotten stuck in bed for three days straight, and that Merlin had decided to hedge around the problem for so long when he could have come to Arthur and told the truth straight-out, but it was like he had said to Merlin—everybody lost their temper now and then, it was hardly some sort of bone-deep sin Merlin had to atone for every day for the rest of his life.

"You can't honestly tell me," Merlin said, and even softer than a whisper now, softer than a breath, "that you're not scared of me."

Oh. Arthur's chest squeezed with something almost like pity. Oh, that's what this is, that's what he thinks, that's what he's so worried about— "Merlin," he said, and he meant it, "I'm not scared of you. There's nothing in you to be afraid of."

"Except the magic that could have broken your neck," Merlin snapped, voice high and tight and still thick with tears. "You don't have to pretend, Arthur, you don't have to put on some kind of front for me, I understand, I get it—"

"You can't swing a sword without almost impaling yourself on the blade," Arthur pointed out. "You can't go an entire day without tripping over your own boots and falling flat on your face. There's nothing in you to be afraid of, and trust me, I'm not flattering you when I say that."

Merlin stared at Arthur like he had never seen him before, his eyes enormous in his tear-streaked face, one hand halfway up to dry the damp trails on his cheeks again. "Y-You're not—?"

"For God's sake, no!" Arthur rolled his eyes. "One time, I heard you say sorry to a butterfly!"

"I startled her," Merlin said, at once, and scrubbed at his eyes again. "I hit the branch she was resting on with my elbow, and I startled her."

Arthur had to bite back a smile. "Yes, I'm absolutely terrified. Shaking in my boots, Merlin, please don't kill me with your evil temper and big bad sorcerer powers."

Merlin turned a little pink. "I'm sorry," he said, hoarsely. "I really didn't mean to hurt you."

"Yeah, I picked up on that, believe it or not."

Merlin went a touch pinker, but he pushed on valiantly. "I-I didn't realize you were near enough to get hurt. I should have been more careful with you."

"Careful with me?" Arthur echoed incredulously, half-offended and half-amused. "Tell me, Merlin, how is it that I'm the one who got thrown into a tree, you're the one crying about it, and you still manage to make me sound like the delicate maiden in this situation?"

Merlin wiped at his nose again. "Should have known you'd be all right," he said, finally, and unless Arthur was very much mistaken, he could swear he saw a small smile tug at the edge of the idiot's lip. "Should have figured your thick skull would cushion the blow."

"Merlin—!"

[hansolmates]

jjk; angel’s trumpet [08]

summary; one second, your life is flashing before your eyes and the next, you’re transported into a world exactly like your own. but the jungkook you meet in this world isn’t a renowned singer or your former almost-lover, in fact he has no clue who you are and why you know him so well. as you work to find your way home lost and confused, you conclude that you’re either dead or in the middle of the most wicked drug trip of your life. pairing; idol!jk x reader (f), alternatively film producer!jk x reader genre/warnings; fluff, angst, supernatural, idol!au, non-idol!au, alternate universes, themes of fate, language, alcohol consumption, in this chapter–mentions of sex, a panic attack w.c; 4.5k a/n; can’t believe there’s one more chapter after this! (+the bonus chapter!) its such a bittersweet feeling to close this all up so i hope u all join me in my w2!jk sobbing party im making matcha cookies rn so i can wallow

[07] [08] [final] -> masterpost

Jungkook’s worried. 

After he left your apartment, he dove himself into his work and tried to get you out of his head. Somehow he ended up from his living room table to his bed, bleary and with a pen jabbing him in the cheek. He doesn’t know how he feels right now, and has micro analyzed every bit of your relationship in between breaks.

He fell fast, and loving you (as much as it scares himself to admit) was so easy it hurt. It’s why it’s so hard for him to accept that you would betray him like that. What could he have possibly done to deserve this? If you had just admitted your issues from day one, this crisis could have easily been averted and you would be with him right now. 

But that’s not why he’s worried. Jungkook wakes up the following day around 10AM, noting the dozens of messages and unanswered phone calls from Jimin and Taehyung. 

According to Taehyung, you’ve been missing for three days. Off-the-grid type of missing, to the point that Taehyung is debating on whether or not he should call the police. 

The first day you didn’t come home, Taehyung chalked it up as you spending the night at Jungkook’s. The second day however, he visits the library where your office hours are held only to find your usual table empty and your students upset over your lack of contact. 

“Here,” Doyeon had said, pointing to the vague email you sent. Taehyung skimmed through the barebones message, mentioning that you had to take an indefinite leave and that the students can email Professor Kim Namjoon if they still had lingering questions. 

Taehyung notes the sincere apology at the bottom, and how you tack on that “you are a wonderful group of students and I wish you the best of luck in your future endeavors.” 

Almost as if you aren’t planning to come back. 

He could hear Taehyung deflate on the line, knowing that Jungkook has no idea where you are either. 

“Did you…” Jungkook scratches his head, sitting at his kitchen table, “did you check her room for a yellow notebook?” 

“What?” Taehyung asks, “I checked her room yesterday. Y’know the weird thing is? Her room is clean, like clinically clean. There’s nothing on her desk, the sheets are washed, and her clothes are all folded and put away. Usually it’s like a whirlwind in here.” 

“Yeah,” Jungkook replies, remembering how your room is usually quite lived in, with warm sheets and a candle glowing. 

“Why aren’t you more stressed out, dude?” Taehyung says, and Jungkook instantly feels guilty. “Your girlfriend’s fucking missing, are you gonna get up and help or not?” 

“Y-yeah, I’m just a little shaken,” he manages to reply, thinking about how you tried to explain to him the other night. He pinches the bridge between his brows, regretting not letting you have your word when refusing to listen to you. Maybe if he heard it, things would have turned out differently.

Taehyung sighs, “Yeah, it’s a bit of a shock. She really isn’t like this normally, but I trust her. If you can, maybe contact Jung Hoseok? I already visited Kim Namjoon and he doesn’t know anything, but he’s the only friend I know that could have any idea.” 

Jung Hoseok. He remembers that name frequently in your notebook. Not as frequently as his, but enough to have a good idea he could be involved in your sudden departure. 

“Okay, I’ll visit him today.” 

•━━━━━━»•»💮💮💮«•«━━•••

The tables that you usually occupy for study groups are painfully absent of your presence, noted by your stressed out students that are hoping you’ll show up unexpectedly. 

Thankfully, Hoseok is working today. Jungkook eyes him from the doorway of the playroom, seeing Hoseok carefully distribute plates of snacks as a movie plays on the flatscreen. He looks like a preschooler himself, decked out in a sunflower yellow bucket hat and denim suspenders. Jungkook tries to see if there’s anything strange emanating from Hoseok, like if he also has secrets to hide, but feels nothing of the sort.  

“You’re really creepy, Mister,” the door swings open to reveal a little girl, tugging impatiently at his cargos. 

Hoseok makes a face at Jungkook, rolling his eyes. “God, just come in. You’re scaring my children.” 

The little girl practically shoves him inside, forcing him to sit at the playtable on the very end. She then hands him a plate of cheddar Goldfish and strawberry fruit snacks, a toddler’s delicacy. Hoseok makes a show of telling the children to be quiet, focusing on the movie’s “historical elements” and “symbolic imagery” but they don’t understand any of that and just want Hoseok to move so they can watch Mulan. 

Jungkook feels like he’s being crushed in the too-small chair and Fisher-Price table, munching absentmindedly on his Goldfish. Hoseok is playing on his phone, not sparing him a glance as he texts someone. 

Jungkook swallows, wishing he had some milk to down the snack. “Uh, are you texting y/n?” 

“No,” Hoseok replies coolly. 

“Well, do you know where she is?” 

“I can tell you where she went,” Hoseok replies eerily, plucking a fruit snack from Jungkook’s place, “as to whether she’s still there or not, I’m not sure.” 

“I’m sorry, but are you mad at me?” he whisper-hisses, not wanting to disturb the children enamoured at the front of the room. He’s tired of the secrecy and blurry answers. 

“Yes, I am,” Hoseok snaps just as quietly, leaning in to get into his face, “I’m mad because I believed in you.” 

“Believed in me?” he gapes, “you don’t even know me!” 

“I may not, but I believed you’d trust y/n at least. She’s a victim too, y’know.” 

A victim? 

“Look,” Jungkook puts some space between them, afraid he would get too heated, “just tell me what’s going on so I can understand. I know I messed up, but I feel like I’ve been in the dark for God knows how long.”

Hoseok bites his lip, “It’s really not my story to tell. Y/n didn’t want to tell you right away because she wasn’t sure of the circumstances. She wasn’t sure even if she was supposed to tell you.” 

Jungkook watches the expressions morph on Hoseok’s face. He sees the faith in his gaze, as he holds his phone expectantly, as if he’s also waiting for a sign that you’re okay. Jungkook suppresses a sigh, looking at his own blank screen. Shaking his head, he manages to smile knowing that so many people believe in you.

So why can’t he? 

•━━━━━━»•»💮💮💮«•«━━•••

You hate this. Three days ago you felt peachy keen, ready to transcend into your own universe and live your life to the fullest. 

Now three days later you’re sitting at the wine lady’s cottage, waiting for the past two days for her to show up. 

“How long does she need to go on this ‘spiritual retreat’?” you admonish, looking on angrily at the same waitress that has served you for the past two days. 

“I don’t know,” the waitress has grown tired of your presence, waiting all day in the little restaurant for the owner’s presence, “until she feels more spiritual, I guess?” 

It annoys you further that this waitress has the spitting image of Sehlyung. It’s weird to see her with natural pin straight black hair, always loving the pretty blond-white color and sacrificing her hair health for the bright hue. Every time she sees you still in the same spot, she makes it a point to roll her eyes and walk a little louder. This version of her is just as temperamental, unwilling to budge. 

You groan, shamelessly annoyed as you drop your head on your arm. “And are you sure there’s no angel’s wine in the bar? I’m willing to take the risk of switching lives with my third dimension-self at this rate.” 

The waitress eyes the one empty bottle of soju that decorate your side of the bar, chalking it up as a drunk episode. “No,” she says flatly, jerking her hand out. “Now, please pay and leave. We’re closing up, but I’ll give you a call if she decides to show up late. Since y’know, you’ve left your number here despite our protests.” 

“Can I stay until you’re at least done cleaning—” 

“No.” 

You narrow your eyes, snatching up your half-finished bottle of soju before tucking it in your purse and offering up your credit card in exchange. You know you’re not in the right mind, but you’re pulling at strings at this point and you don’t know what to do. 

After a couple paces of shaky walking and trying very hard not to appear tipsy in public, you plop yourself onto the beach, overlooking the shore. You place your backpack next to you, taking off your shoes and dipping your toes in the sand. 

You glare hard at the moon, despite the distance the big ball of extraterrestrial rock is bright and full. It reflects in the ocean and bathes you in it’s grace. 

Sighing at its beauty, you take a swig of your soju as your feet wade in the water. The touch of the ocean is glaringly cold, but your body feels warm and the contrast is appropriately jarring. You feel stuck between two worlds, your body in one while your heart is in the other, desperate to find the bridge to bring you home. 

What exactly was the goal in bringing you here? Did you need a break from your real life? Did fate want you to remedy your relationship with Jungkook? Were you supposed to rewrite the wrongs you committed in your other life? 

You snort, taking a long swig. It's easy to see how well that went. 

You miss your life back home. As much as you love the one your alternate self has made here, nothing compares to Sehlyung’s humor and dirty jokes. Nothing compares to the look on Beomgyu’s face after getting a sentence translation correct. Nothing compares to the way Jungkook looks for only you after a concert, desperate to give you a hug and an affirmation that he did well. 

Just as you are about to sing to the moon and beg for a reprieve, a body plops themselves next to you, snatching the bottle from your hands. 

“Y’know, normally when people run away, they leave a mysterious note.” 

You frown at Jungkook, who looks absolutely ethereal as he stares at the moon. He’s glittering in his denim jacket and black jeans, as if he’s part of an intimate moment in a slice-of-life film. You have half a mind to grab your phone and yell at Hoseok, but it’s far too late since your location has already been revealed. 

“What are you doing here?” you ask, trying not to snap when Jungkook pours the contents of your drink into the ocean. “Hey, I paid for that.” 

Ignoring you he says, “I’m here to take you home.” 

“I don’t have a home here,” you snap, and you mean it. 

Jungkook digs a hole for your bottle, letting the sea green grass sit in the sandhole. He turns to you, looking weary and worried. You try not to feel worried over the slump in his chest, or the way he looks like he ran a marathon to find you. 

“Then where is your home?” he asks gently, resting an arm over his knee and turning to face you. 

You curl up further into your body, hoping you’ll shrink if you press your legs close enough to your chest. “It’s not here,” you mumble into your knees. 

“Tell me where,” and you don’t shove him away when he puts his palm on your thigh, coaxing you out of your shell. “I’ll listen this time.” Deathly slow, you lift your head up, letting him catch your stray tears and spread your body with warmth. He scoots over to you, the rough sand making it difficult as he tries to wrap his arm around you. The both of you let out a breath, missing each other’s touch. “I’m sorry,” he says, the apologies melting into your temple, “I should’ve listened from the beginning, and been more patient. It’s my fault you’re all the way out here.” 

The oceans crash against both of your feet, the water eager to swallow you whole. 

“Two months ago I got into a fight with you, the other you,” you start, and Jungkook doesn’t budge, and you’re thankful he doesn’t attempt to bombard you with questions, “it wasn’t a stupid fight. It was something building for a long, long time. And I came home drunk. One second, I was two seconds away from being sideswept by an incoming truck, and the next second it’s daytime and it’s you that nearly runs me over.” 

He rubs small circles into your shoulder, and you almost hum at his touch. You miss Jungkook so much. 

“The Jungkook I’ve told you about isn’t dead,” you explain, “he’s—and I’m, we’re from another universe.” 

And between you, Jungkook, and the moon you profess your journey. Starting from the anxiety you felt from the first week, how you holed yourself in your apartment until Namjoon had to whisk you out, to your relief when Hoseok believed your crazy ideas. Halfway through you decide to piece your theories within the story, your last conversation with Jungkook, coupled with the angel’s wine and explaining how scary it was to see your matching tattoos and the meaning behind them. 

“But, I wasn’t trying to fall in love with you so I could go home,” you admit tearfully, feeling the weight of the night on your shoulders, “it, it just happened naturally. It made me believe that in another world, we would’ve worked out. Just like he said.”  

“I believe you,” he says firmly, exhaling. The whole explanation, understatedly, is a lot to take in. But he isn’t going to reject it, in fact as absurd as it is it makes far more sense than you planning out a Jungkook-inspired sci-fi novel or questioning your sanity. “I—I didn’t want to at first. It was easier to say you were crazy but, it doesn’t seem like the case. The way you saw me that morning we met, I could see how much you cared for me—him—us?” he scratches his head, unsure of how he should refer to himself in the situation.  

“I don’t blame you,” you shake your head, “Namjoon wanted me to see a doctor.” 

“It must’ve been hard,” he states, “seeing so much of him in me.” 

“You are him,” you retort, looking up so that your noses are touching. There’s pain in both your gazes, equally upset at the circumstances. “I’m sorry you got the short end of the stick. I wish you could’ve met me, the other me, under normal circumstances.” 

“Remember what I said before?” he asks, lifting a hand to brush your hair behind your ear. ���I said that our meeting was fate. And now I believe it more than ever.” 

You laugh, leaning your head against his shoulder. “Y’know, Jungkook believes in fate too. He used to joke about hearing the bell when he found ‘the one’ like in Kimi No Na Wa.” 

Jungkook grins, “That guy of yours seems pretty cool,” he jokes, “let him know that in our case, the bell was my horn because I didn’t wanna run you over.” 

The whole situation is confusing, but you’re thankful that Jungkook seems to be at ease now that all your cards are laid out. 

“So does your Jungkook do film too?” 

“Uh,” you choke out a cough, “he’s actually a singer, dancer, producer, and films when he has the time. Mostly singer, the main one in a K-pop group. With Hoseok, Jimin, Taehyung, Yoongi, Namjoon, and Seokjin.” 

He gapes, “Kim Seokjin? The actor Seokjin? Damn he’s like, super fine—” 

“God this is so weird.” 

“So how many figures are they making a year? In the hundred-thousands, like six-figures?” 

“Er, more like eight,” you squeak, “and then some. But you put a lot of your money into donations.” 

“Damn babe, you downgraded,” Jungkook jokes, and you smack him playfully on the arm. “So that’s how you got the song, huh?” 

“Still With You? Yeah,” you say, running your hands through the soft sand, “it’s weird to live in a world without your music, byproduct of my job. It happens to be a big part of my life,” your eyes glaze over the ocean, “I missed hearing your voice.” 

“Y/n,” Jungkook threads his fingers through the sand to find your hands, “I’m really, really sorry I doubted you.” 

You disagree, “It’s a crazy situation. I don’t even know if I’m really sane at this moment,” you chuckle, “I mean, the time went by so fast. I would be paranoid because for you, it’s like being in a new relationship. I didn’t think it would be so easy to love you all over again like that.” 

“Neither did I.” Jungkook replies warmly, and he smiles when he sees you gaping. He leans over to press a kiss to your lips, a feeling long-missed. “And a little part of me knows he feels the same way, too.” 

•━━━━━━»•»💮💮💮«•«━━•••

It’s almost 12AM before you return to your apartment, dripping wet because neither of you anticipated the sudden spring shower. You tumble in like wet noodles, giggling like children in hushed whispers as you struggle to find the lightswitch. 

The lights blare on for you, Taehyung’s fingers hanging by the toggle. His hair is wet from the shower, and he looks like he sees a Christmas miracle when he wraps you up in his arms, despite the protest of you being dirty with sand and salt. 

“You dummy, don’t ever scare me like that ever again!” he sobs into your shoulder, and you return the embrace as you pat his head comfortingly. 

“Sorry Tae,” you say, “had to do a little soul-searching.” 

Jungkook rolls his eyes, more like world-searching if anyone were to ask his honest opinion. But Taehyung is looking past your body to mumble a teary ‘thank you’ to Jungkook, and he nods his head politely. 

“Well next time you soul search, you better call.” 

“Done and done.” 

Satisfied that you are going to stay the night and not budge, Taehyung returns to his room. He gives you a good scolding however, and he makes you promise that you’ll give him the full story over breakfast. 

After that bump, Jungkook and you can’t keep your hands off each other. You two shower the grime off your bodies, taking turns shampooing and scrubbing. Even after you’re clean and towel-dried, Jungkook’s fingers fail to untack from your skin, pushing you eagerly to your mattress as he presses kisses along your clothed body. He’s singing against your skin, waxing poetics about how beautiful you are and how much he loves you. 

“Jung—koo, Jungkook,” you say breathlessly, running your fingers through his damp locks, “Taehyung’s in the other room, we can’t be loud.” 

“Don’t,” kiss, “give,” kiss, “a fuck,” Jungkook pants, large hands trailing over your soft skin, memorizing every inch of you, He presses his length against your thigh, insistent, “if this is the last time, we’re going off with fireworks, baby.” 

And with that, you relent. It’s nothing short of electric, the way he takes great care but great power into your pleasure. He takes his time, as if it isn’t the first and last night, tracing every inch of your body because he doesn’t know what the future entails for the both of you. 

You’re equally stung like live-wire, wracking with pleasure as he seals his affirmation to you with sweet nothings, bodies pressed against each other feverently like they’ve always meant to be. Every bit of contact is purposeful, unbridled and overflowing with affection. 

When you’re done you’re both sweaty and almost painfully content, acceptant of the ambiguity of your futures. 

“Jungkook?” you ask, holding his hand tightly.

“Yes, pretty girl?” 

“Will you… fall in love with me again?” 

“Is that even a question?” he balks, leaning forward to peck your nose. He smiles at the way you scrunch your face. “Your office hours are 1-3PM, Mondays and Thursdays in the general library. If you’re not there, you’re teaching the History of Neuroscience in the ARC building on Tuesdays and Thursdays from 10:20 to 12:10. I also know where you live, so.”  

You don’t care how sweaty you are, and tuck your head underneath his chin, needing to be closer. 

“I will find you,” he promises, “hopefully not under my bike the second time around, but I’ll take what I can get.” 

“You’ll have a lot of explaining to do, y’know,” you sigh into his chest, feeling it rumble as your hair dampens. Your hair has dried long ago from the shower, but you know Jungkook’s trying hard to be strong as he cries into your crown, “you should leave before I wake up, just in case.” 

“Hoseok and I will handle it,” Jungkook assures you, “we’re like the Power Rangers, defenders of space and time.” 

“Alright Red Ranger, make sure you’re at least clothed before I wake up, then.” 

He pulls away lightly, seeing your equally red-rimmed eyes and ruddy cheeks. Both of you bump arms as you try to wipe away each other’s tears. The moon continues its power over your bodies, the only source of light in the room. Despite its movement since your time at the beach, it continues to illuminate the room and make the moment glisten with the rhythm of time. 

“You really think this is the end for us, huh?” his voice cracks, his hands cradling your face. 

Stretching to reach him, you press a kiss on every available centimeter of skin on his face. His forehead, his cheeks, his chin, his lips. You take care to kiss the tears away, silently wishing nothing but the best for him. He immediately melts into your touch, and he gives you a teary smile. 

“It’s not the end,” you assure, “it’s our beginning. Thank you, for loving me.” 

Jungkook nods, pressing a long, sweet kiss to your lips. “I can’t wait to fall in love with you again.” 

The two of you sleep like that, not with a goodbye, but with a promise. 

•━━━━━━»•»💮💮💮«•«━━•••

W1. 

When you wake up, it’s loud. 

The transition is jarring, painfully so. Gone are your soft flannel comforter, replaced with dry, scratchy sheets that are a poor excuse for bedwear. Your hands are heavy, bounded by the fluids snaking into your bloodstream. Your eyes are crusty and bleary, taking in the plain white and wood room. The sharp sound of the monitor reverberates in your ears, a high-pitched reminder of your slow vitals. 

Everything is painful, confirming that in fact you did get hit by that truck. You give props to your alternate self for dealing with this for the past two months. 

Your eyes dart around the room, taking in the night sky and the full moon looming above you. The only other person in the room is your baby niece, who is just short of five years old. She has since ceased coloring at her little table, her little mouth gaping open like a pufferfish. You make eye contact with her, and she nearly spills over her 64-count Crayola pack as she throws herself off the chair, running over to reach for your hand. 

“Auntie!” she cheers, the biggest smile on her face, “you’re awake! Mama said you were hibernating like bears do, and that you would probably wake up by spring time. She was right!” 

Although it pains you to smile, you manage to squeeze her hand in return. You open your mouth, the inside feeling tacky and gross. “Ah-ah,” you grimace when no sound comes out, just rasps and ghosts of what once was your voice. 

Your niece’s face crumples, and she lets go of you. “Imma go get mama, she’ll bring help!” 

She leaves you alone to succumb to the beeps of your monitors and the pain in your bones. Your fingers grapple the paper-thin sheets, and your gaze drifts to the moon. You think of Jungkook, sleeping blissfully in bed, holding you with so much tenderness and care. In a matter of what felt like minutes since you fell asleep in his arms, disappears just like that. 

The doctors and your family find you hysterically crying, the monitors going crazy as you hyperventilate yourself into a stupor. You feel like you’re choking on air, whatever little tubes in your body restricting access to fully express how torn and conflicted you’re feeling all over again. The medical expertise does work to evacuate your family, chalking your reactions up as your trauma catching up to you and the shock of the past two months hitting you full force. 

•━━━━━━»•»💮💮💮«•«━━•••

It’s nearly 3AM when the music cuts out with no explanation, and Jungkook is annoyed. He just got that set down and he finally felt confident in adding facial expressions, but the manager killed the music and now his head is spinning. 

He’s heaving, hands on his head as he tries to get his body back to equilibrium. He watches intently as Namjoon immediately takes the call, not even bothering to leave the studio to answer it. The rest of the members watch as Namjoon’s expressions morph into happiness, combined with short “yes”es and “I understands.” 

Namjoon makes eye contact with Jungkook first and beams, “She’s awake!” 

What originally felt like a hot and stifling room, immediately dissipates into an air of relief. While not all the members may not know you personally, the thought of a fellow co-worker on the road to recovery is enough to ease their exhaustion. 

“What?” Jungkook doesn’t hide it, and collapses on the floor, thoroughly spent for today. “Is she okay?” 

“Well, she actually just passed out. But she’s conscious.” 

“What, why?” Jimin asks, rolling a water bottle over to Jungkook. 

“Doctors say she woke up in a panic, started freaking out when it sunk in that she’s been in a coma since winter.” Jungkook’s heart squeezes painfully of the thought of you scared and feeling trapped in that small hospital bed. 

“Well, can we go see her in the morning?” Jungkook says hopefully, biting his lip. 

“We can’t,” Namjoon confesses, looking down at his shoes in disappointment, “at least not right now. y/n was apparently terrified. The doctors think she’s suffering from some form of PTSD, because she can’t recall anything that happened after she got hit. Her guardians are sending her to a facility for her to process her trauma. It’s in the countryside, and she’s not allowed visitors until she’s fully recovered.” 

Just when Jungkook thinks he has you back, you’re already far from his reach. He should be happy, knowing that you are well on your way to get better. He’s thankful enough that you’re finally awake. But the small, selfish part of him wants to visit you, and comfort you. 

Whether you’ll let him or not is your choice, but this time, he decides he’s going to fight for you. 

[0gasstationcoffee]

LWA rewatch episode 21

No lie I was very excited for this one. Probably my favorite episode

·      YALL

·      YAAAAAAAALLLLLLLLLLL

·      IM SO READY

·      GIVE ME MAMA BEAR CHARIOT

·      Lol Andrew asking if Frank has a way to get in touch with Luna Nova

·      I wonder if it’s because Frank and Lotte are friends? Andrew probably deduced that Frank had a way to talk to her

·      Oh and here’s Frank dropping his knowledge about witches, probably learned from Lotte

·      Okay so this whole thing with the anger over whether or not a goal counted, considering how passionate people are about sports this is honestly very realistic

·      OMG lmao when Frank is showing Andrew the anger over the game on his phone, one of the tweets says “piece of shit game, piece of shit referee”

·      There is more cursing in this than I remembered I love it

·      LET THE CHARACTERS SAY FUCK

·      Croix’s fucking Emotion App lol

·      Lmao Ursula’s like WAIT you brought Diana back AND got the fifth word????

·      And Akko’s just “yeah I was surprised too” lmao

·      WE AT THE SIXTH WORD NOW MUTHAFUCKAS

·      Lyonne. Finally one I can spell

·      Ursula looks so sad talking about Lyonne : (

·      “The most important word of them all.” But Ursula we still have the last word!!!!

·      Aww Akko’s looking up the word and can’t find it

·      These quotes she did find are pretty cool tho

·      Common sense is in spite of, not the result of, education. I love that one

·      “Of course when you start looking for [the words] that’s when they’re impossible to find. Yeah Akko the words come to you naturally! You don’t have to waste time looking them up

·      Akko says pain in the butt and H&B show up lol

·      Yeah they’ve lost all the malice in their voices tho Akko is right to be defensive the whole time

·      Akko being offended when they make a crack about her being in the library lol

·      Hey maybe now that Akko brought Diana back y’all won’t be so mean????

·      EVEN CROIX MAKES A COMMENT ABOUT AKKO IN THE LIBRARY LMAO

·      “Is it really so weird for people to see me in here??” Poor Akko baby they don’t know how hard you try

·      Croix’s mouth twitch when she heard “Lyonne”

·      I know Croix is gonna do it but CROIX DON’T DO IT DON’T MENTION WAGANDEA

·      AND DON’T HURT AKKO

·      STAY AWAY FROM HER

·      Croix did it she mentioned Wagandea goddammit

·      “Chariot once climbed up the tree and there she discovered the sixth word.” I mean I guess that is sort of what happened

·      So the passage that we can properly see when Akko looks up Wagandea talks about how no one has ever been able to climb to the top but on the next page where you can’t really read it clearly, it talks about how the pollen causes an allergic reaction to witches

·      OOOOOOF this scene with Akko wanting to go to Wagandea and Ursula saying no

·      “The pollen is extremely poisonous to witches and if you touch it, the damages are irreversible.” OUCH OUCH OUCH OUCH OUCH

·      “I didn’t tell you because I knew you would want to see it right away.” Yeah that tracks. But also you can’t really blame Akko

·      “Wait who told you about Wagandea?” THERE’S ONLY ONE PERSON WHO WOULD HAVE URSULA LOVE

·      Ursula talking about how long the pollen lasts then tries to make Akko feel better by saying it normally only lasts a month and Akko should wait

·      I bet Ursula hoped Akko wouldn’t solve the fifth word so fast because it happened just in time for Wagandea to start spreading its pollen

·      “If I go now, I could get there before the pollen spreads.” Baby is so desperate to see Chariot she’s willing to put herself in actual danger this poor angel

·      Oof Ursula putting her foot down with Akko. I mean she had to do it, Akko keeps talking about putting herself in harm’s way

·      Very much like a kid who keeps pestering their mom and then the mom finally raises their voice and the kid is just like FINE

·      Akko’s so upset oh honey

·      Aw of course she’s mad at Ursula and saying these things, she just wants to vent

·      “I can’t believe what a worrywart Professor Ursula is. She’s way too timid and doesn’t take any risks. Why is she so lame?” AKKO YOU DO NOT SPEAK ABOUT YOUR MOTHER AND MY LOVE LIKE THAT

·      Also Akko you have never been more wrong in the entire show and that’s saying something

·      I mean she’s just mad because she thinks Ursula is in the way of her meeting Chariot which…the irony

·      Lotte is a friend that we all need in our lives. “Don’t say things like that, she’s just concerned about you Akko.”

·      LMFAO and now Akko is so right, with her luck the Wagandea pollen would hang around for like a decade

·      “With me, if something can go wrong it will go wrong.” Aw babe…she right tho

·      OOp here’s Diana!

·      “They say if a witch touches the pollen, she will lose her magic power AND the ability to fly forever.” So here they make it seem like you lose both but in the show, Chariot only loses her ability to fly. They also say the effects are incurable which makes Croix’s vow to find a cure very sweet but also is it even possible?

·      Aww Diana is hiding her concern for Akko by using her logic on why Akko shouldn’t go

·      “So don’t you think you should listen to Professor Ursula?” Yes Diana go off girl we all should!!!!

·      Lotte: her tone sounded kind of harsh but I also think she was a little concerned for you Akko. Lmao Lotte I adore you

·      Sucy: that’s nice. Even Sucy is willing to admit it, is this why the two of them go to Diana when they can’t find Akko? Cuz they’ve seen first hand that Diana cares?

·      CROIX STOP CAUSING TROUBLE AKKO WAS GONNA LET IT GO

·      I know Croix is trying to go back to Wagandea with Chariot and Akko but she’s gonna be the one to regret the most out of all of them. And they all fucking regret it big time

·      CROIX YOU LYING LIAR WHO LIES THERE IS NOT ANY TIME BEFORE THE POLLEN RELEASES

·      At the very least, why would you want to risk your powers by going to the Wagandea tree?

·      “Professor Ursula can be a little disorganized. She might be confused about the timing of it.” CROIX IMMA

·      “I would gladly take you to Wagandea.” This show man. This show

·      I’m so fucking tense

·      THE PICTURE

·      YALL KNOW WHAT PICTURE

·      The flashback!

·      Ursula’s just sitting in her office staring at the picture my baby

·      She has Alcor keeping a watch on Akko to let her know when she’s in trouble I LOVE THIS MILF

·      I like that young Chariot didn’t wear glasses and young Croix did and then in adulthood they switched

·      BUT BACK TO ALCOR URGENTLY GIVING URSULA THE MESSAGE THAT AKKO IS IN TROUBLE

·      MAMA BEAR CHARIOT

·      “Croix took Akko?!” GO SAVE YOUR CUB

·      Oh Croix asking why Akko is collecting the words and what she’ll wish for when she gets the world altering magic is interesting

·      “I hadn’t thought about it much, it’s too confusing.” Aww the way she said that make Akko seem like she’s sad she’s not smarter and that hurts

·      That being said, they’re sitting on roombas in the ley line and I can’t cope

·      She’s only getting the words to meet Chariot, it makes this whole reveal so fucking emotional

·      That’s all Croix needs to know in order to devastate both Chariot and Akko. You can see the plan forming in her head

·      “You really like Chariot that much?” Croix so did you at one point. And underneath it all, still do as is evidenced fairly soon

·      “Don’t worry, I’m sure you’ll meet her soon.” “I will?” “Definitely.” CROIXXXXXXX

·      That fucking Wagandea tree is massive how did ANYONE think they could climb it

·      CROIX STOP MAKING AKKO DOUBT URSULA AND GO BACK TO YOUR NOODLES

·      “I have to wonder if there’s some reason she didn’t want you to climb up the tree.” CUZ OF THE HIGHLY TOXIC POLLEN CROIX

·      Oh right the pollen buds at the bottom of the tree don’t look ready but that’s because the tree starts spreading it’s pollen from the top iirc

·      “There are a few things I don’t quite understand about Ursula.” CROIX SHUT YOUR MOUTH DON’T DO THEM LIKE THIS

·      Akko’s so concerned “What do you mean?”

·      “I can’t recall any student by the name of Ursula.” Croix stop please!!!

·      Akko trying to justify it’s just cuz she didn’t leave much of an impression, especially compared to Chariot is both sad and kind of hysterical

·      CROIX TELLING AKKO TO BE CAREFUL AROUND URSULA IM ABOUT TO JUMP IN MY TV BITCH

·      “Ursula might be hiding something from you, something very important to you.” Poor Akko you can see how uncomfortable the thought is because she does trust Ursula so much. It’s all heartbreaking

·      Akko defending Ursula :’) “I’m sure it was just because she was worried about me because it’s dangerous here, she knows I can be a little reckless.”

·      So at least when Croix starts bad mouthing Ursula, Akko switches her position back to Ursula’s side

·      AKKO BE CAREFUL

·      Ursula rushing to Akko!!!!!!!!! “Akko where are you!” my heart

·      Croix’s fucking roombas dammit

·      Chariot on her knees in front of Croix, Croix saying this seems familiar. Insert gif of ken jeong going “ha GAY”

·      Okay back to serious

·      “Do you remember when we first came to this forest?” This flashback is gonna be full of pain

·      Young Croix: I swear to the nine old witches, I will open the seal on the grand triskelion. I will be the greatest witch ever

·      Young Chariot: And I swear it too! I want to entertain the world and put a smile on everyone’s face. I’ll help them forget all their sadness

·      And that’s what does it, isn’t it? Croix wants to do it so she can be known as the greatest witch in the world. Chariot wants to do it out of the goodness of her heart and make people happy.

·      I am also very curious and upset when I think about what made Chariot this way. What made this young girl so focused on making sure so one else was sad. How sad was she exactly that she was hellbent that no one else should ever be sad?

·      WHAT HAPPENED TO CHARIOT YALL

·      Also if the grand triskelion is supposed to be a big secret that only the nine old witches know about, how does basically everyone know about it?

·      Okay continuing on

·      The Shiny Rod literally came down from the stars

·      I mean it came from the big dipper so obviously it was going to Chariot lol but still FROM THE STARS

·      I guess that makes sense, didn’t Ygdrasil’s branches connect all the stars in the heavens?

·      Woodward: It’s been quite a long time since the wand of the seven stars chose a new owner.

·      So Woodward DOESN’T choose who the rod goes to?

·      Oh man young Croix just in disbelief and her heart must already be overcome with bitterness if she can’t even touch the Rod

·      Yup those green eyes are now green with jealousy

·      And Chariot looks so guilty

·      OOP AND NOW WE’RE BACK

·      This fucking Roomba keeps knocking Chariot on her ass lmao

·      Chariot is dropping truth bombs!!!!

·      Chariot: Even if you try to stop Akko you won’t get the grand triskelion. But you should already know that. OOO shots fired good job Chariot!!!

·      Croix: it seems the rod chose the wrong person, just like last time. Croix it’s your hubris getting in the way!!!!!!! Chariot and Akko were chosen for very specific and similar reasons, maybe look at that

·      Croix: Do you know the reason I keep interfering? It’s because Akko is your last chance for your dream. LEAVE AKKO ALONE

·      AKKO PLEASE DON’T DIE

·      SHE KEEPS SLIPPING

·      She looks at the never ending path still in front of her and still vows not to give up

·      NO THE POLLEN

·      Are Croix’s cubes actively trying to kill Akko?????

·      THEY ARE

·      CROIX YOUR VENDETTA AGAINST YOUR EX GIRLFRIEND SHOULD NOT INCLUDE HER CHILD

·      Straight up if Akko actually did die because of Croix’s plans, no matter how remorseful Croix was in the end I really think Chariot would have destroyed her

·      Akko literally would have been crushed to death by Croix’s machine if Chariot hadn’t saved her

·      Oh this is heartbreaking

·      Oh no

·      Chariot just….she just wants to protect Akko

·      And all Akko wants is to meet Chariot and she wants it so much that she’s willing to basically die for it

·      Akko just slaps her hand away because she still thinks Ursula is trying to stop her from meeting Chariot which SHE IS but not how you think Akko!

·      Their red eyes are shimmering

·      They’re both about to start crying trying to get the other one to listen

·      I’m about to start crying because I AM listening

·      Croix’s about to start crying because I’m gonna punch her in the nose

·      Chariot’s face omg it’s so sad

·      She’s watching this young girl who she adores just absolutely tearing herself up over the chance to meet her

·      It’s killing her and me

·      Oh god Chariot’s desperate plea “Croix please move!” She’s not even fighting anymore she just wants to get to Akko

·      Croix creates a giant monster that just eats Chariot

·      How many times does Chariot get eaten on this show

·      Dirty answers only

·      OH WHEN SHE COMES BACK OUT SHE HAS HER RED HAIR

·      Which makes sense cuz she was knocked out BUT HER RED HAIR IM LOVE

·      SHE’S FALLING

·      HELP

·      Alright I’m gonna try and catch these flashbacks from when adult Chariot is falling because it clearly shows young Chariot also fell off Wagandea too

·      So first picture is of young Chariot climbing and the pollen buds looking mighty big

·      Second picture is of the pollen spreading and young Chariot still on the tree

·      Third picture is of young Chariot falling just like she is now. Did she maybe jump off the tree to avoid the pollen?

·      And all the while we have young Croix yelling Chariot’s name, begging her to wake up

·      AND IT FADES INTO ADULT CROIX FLYING AFTER CHARIOT YELLING AT HER TO WAKE UP AGAIN

·      Croix does sound fucking scared

·      Good god Chariot was seconds away from dying

·      Also the MUSIC playing during this scene, killing me

·      Yeah Croix looked a little shaken

·      She’s warning Chariot to stay away because the pollen is spreading CROIX NOW YOU DECIDE TO SHOW YOU CARE A LITTLE BIT??

·      Also lol that’s her daughter up there Chariot’s not leaving

·      “I will protect Akko!” DAMN RIGHT THERE’S MY MAMA BEAR

·      Also the way she said that so out of breath she really did have the wind knocked out of her

·      Oof Croix is not happy Chariot is going back up the Wagandea tree

·      She cancelled her robots from attacking thank goodness

·      Akko baby gosh why couldn’t you have seen what just happened

·      She must be so high up now

·      She’s in the exact same position as young Chariot was in the first picture

·      Makes sense why Chariot knew exactly what the pollen status of Wagandea was

·      Akko’s so tired but she’s not giving up

·      OH THE POLLEN ON TOP

·      SHE’S BEING SURROUNDED BY THE POLLEN HOW DID SHE END UP NOT AFFECTED BY IT

·      OH WELL I’LL TAKE IT SHE MUST HAVE FALLEN OFF RIGHT BEFORE IT WOULD HAVE HIT HER

·      SHE’S FALLING AHHHHHHHHH

·      GOD THE PARALLELS

·      SHE’S FALLING

·      “It’s all over.” BABY GIRL MY HEART IS HURTING

·      CHARIOT FOR THE SAVE GO PROTECT

·      Everything about this is destroying me

·      Chariot yelling “AKKO!” in absolute terror

·      The way she so desperately says “Please don’t take her future away, I beg you!”

·      AND OF COURSE SHE’S JUST…SHE’S JUST FLYING THROUGH THE POLLEN AND BLOCKING AKKO FROM IT TO PROTECT HER I CANNOT

·      CHARIOT LOVES AKKO SO MUCH

·      And of course the music brings it all together and I hurt

·      She was going SO FAST to get to Akko in time that it starts tearing at her clothes and hurting her face HOLY SHIT

·      They crash on the ground MY BABIES

·      This is the most heartwarming scene I have ever seen in my life

·      Akko wakes up and is still in Ursula’s arms because she was trying to protect Akko from the crash

·      I just…I love Chariot/Ursula so much

·      The first thing Ursula does upon waking up is asking Akko if she’s all right : ))))))

·      Akko apologizing for the terrible things she said and that Ursula still came to save her

·      Oh god she looks at Akko crying and flashes back to herself crying and apologizing to Croix for being picked for the Shiny Rod over her

·      And Croix just hugs her! She tried to comfort her but over time her resentment must have built and built

·      Both Chariot and Akko being so emotional and having so many parallels is killing me

·      But now I’m confused, when exactly does the memory of Chariot climbing the Wagandea tree take place? They make it seem like it happens after Chariot is chosen for the Rod but before she apologized to Croix because of it. She does have the Rod when she’s climbing but what exactly is the timeline?

·      AKKO AND URSULA HUGGING EXACTLY HOW THEY WILL HUG IN THE FUTURE WHEN AKKO KNOWS WHO SHE IS

·      IM CRYING TOO. EVERYONE’S CRYING

·      Ursula worrying she’s been pushing her dreams onto Akko and apologizing, such a motherly worry

·      “I didn’t mean to say such mean things to you! You’ve always been there to help me Professor, you’ve always been by my side! So that’s why, what I really want to say is…Thank you.”

·      MY HEART IS BEING TAPED BACK TOGETHER

·      THE SIXTH WORD HAS ACTIVATEDDDDDDDDDDDDDD

·      WAIT SO DO THEY UNLOCK THE LAST TWO WORDS TOGETHER OR AM I FORGETTING HOW THE SEVENTH WORD PLAYS OUT????

·      I DON’T CARE I’LL SEE IT EVENTUALLY THIS SCENE IS SO SWEET

·      The magic is healing Ursula???????????????????? I do not remember this!!!!

·      “Akko, you really are growing into a fine person.” MY BABIES

·      WELL MY BABY AND MY BABY’S BABY WHOMST IS ALSO MY BABY

·      Croix with her giant ass rod

·      Wait so how do Ursula and Akko get out of the forest then? Did they walk and Ursula said it was because she was too tired to fly or had the pollen not kicked in yet?

·      See I truly don’t understand how we can have episodes like this, a dynamic like this between Akko and Chariot, and there are still SO FEW FICS where this mother/daughter or big sister/little sister, mentor/mentee whatever you like this sweet dynamic as are the focus. This relationship is the heart of the show. I like Charoix and Diakko (and hell even stories pairing Akko with some of the other teens) as much as the next person but this relationship is so overlooked in so many fics and it makes me sad because these two are the heart of Little Witch Academia

·      And to no one’s surprise, my favorite dynamic is when they act like mother/daughter. Sort of like a Gilmore Girls one because they’re so close in age and Akko can talk to Chariot about anything

·      God I love this episode

·      AND OMG I DIDN’T REALIZE THE NEXT EPISODE WAS THE FUCKING EPISODE OH MY GODS

[pbandjesse]

Today was not what I had planned. I woke up a 8 to a text from the dentist reminding me about my appointment. That I didnt realize was today. I thought it was thursday. So I am very glad I got up! I had about an hour until I needed to leave though. I had plenty of time to get washed and dressed. James wold soon leave for work and I would get all cute. 

I didnt have high hopes for the dentist. But it ended up being fine. I parked in the parking garage. Forgot the ticket in the car, would go back for it later. And I didnt get lost finding the office this time. 

I did not see the main dentist, I saw an associate. But I loved her. She was so sweet. And while she understood why I wanted the tooth removed, she thinks its salvageable and that insurance should cover it. I got all the xrays and now that I have this insurance I was like. Okay. Im willing to get this fixed, with the caveat that if they get in there and the took is broken (which is what I think), they will pull it. So I felt like things were good. The woman at the desk even called the other office to make me an appointment so I wouldnt have to call and it was so kind. 

I left there in a good mood. I went back to the car to grab that parking ticket, and then went to the fancy grocery store. I got some stuff thats hard to get at the regular stores. And just had a nice time looking around. 

I headed home after that. High spirits. But almost as soon as I got home I get a call from the dentist that they called the insurance and they wont cover anything. At all. Because I hadnt had the insurance for a year?? I have never heard of this before. Like the whole reason I got this plan was because it covered so much of the root canal procedure. And so I started crying. And they the woman tells me that the first of the three appointments I have would cost $1500. So I was just like. I guess. Cancel it. She apologized but I was just like. I did the thing I was supposed to do. I got the insurance. I pay it on time. But I just felt so stupid.

So I was a bit hysterical and I called the insurance with the plan to yell and then cancel the insurance. But once I got through the robot voices I was mostly just very very sad. I knew the person on the phone wasnt at fault. So thats what I said. I was just like. Hey, Im going to start sobbing in a second, I am not mad at you, I know you just work there, but I dont know what to do. I did the thing I was supposed to do but I cant get the help I need now. And she was so kind and right away put in a request to override the year waiting period.  So I have to wait until wednesday to find out if that is approved. But it was a little bit of hope I guess? I called back the dentist and explained what happened and she said to call her back when I get word and that the dentist will see what can be done on their end too. 

Its wild though. Why is that a thing?? I would have gotten the cheaper plan if I knew I wouldnt be able to use any of the coverage for a year?? Like I get its probably my fault but I have never heard of anything like that before. It wasnt even like I hadnt met a minimum for the year, they were just like oh you literally do not have any coverage on procedures until next January. Because you havent had the insurance before. If I knew that I wouldnt have waited for the open market. I would have just. Gotten a plan before that. Its such a shit show. 

It took a while for me to calm down. I was just so drained and upset. 

But I didnt want to lose the whole day. 

James would go out for a long bike ride soon after that. They waited until I was alright before they left. I needed to be alone for a bit though. 

So I cleaned a little. I hung a tapestry. I cleaned the fish tank. I thought about what I will pack for camp. I had snacks. I played video games. I finished making the bed. I changed all the sheets and the took off the velvet duvet cover. I also refolded and sorted out the winter coats and sweaters I shoved under the bed. They are all folded and nice now. 

James would get home before 230. I was laying in bed but once they were washed and dressed again we headed out into the world. 

We walked to the art store. And I got all the new paint I wanted. I got the highlighter colors and a few secondaries I thought would be hard to mix. I am very happy with the colors I got. I may go back to buy some medium. But I am very pleased. 

And it was so nice going out with James. The weather was warm. And It was just a lovely day to be out. We stopped to take pictures with the knock out roses. And I was just really happy. 

Not to long after we got home James got to work making us dinner. And I laid down for a bit. But I never actually slept. Thats alright. I did a little work stuff but tomorrow I will really get into that. 

After dinner I got to work on the painted stool project. I was going to do sprinkles but I decided to do Matiesse inspired shapes instead. I am pretty happy with them!! The highligher/neon colors are a little thin, so I will have to do more layers to cover the sharpie I drew first. I wouldnt have used the sharpies if I knew it would do that. Live and learn. But so far so good. One or two more layers of paint and then I will outline and add texture details using paint markers. But I am very pleased with the project. Next will be the little heart shelf. 

I have been hanging out in bed with sweetP since then. I am very tired. But I am going to go rinse off and put on soft clothes. Tomorrow I am going to do work and art and try to make myself work on store stuff. Because I have been so bad about that. But I have the pictures so I will get it done. 

I hope you all sleep well. Take care of eachother. Goodnight!

[snakeboistan]

HAPPY BIRTHDAY SHIOTA NAGISA

Thank you, Nagisa, for showing me that being kind and gentle doesn’t mean that you’re weak and also that the parts about you that you hate can be turned into your greatest weapon. You have been a role model for me for the past four years and I strive to be as wise and caring as you. Keep doing what you’re doing, you adorable little assassin, we’re all so very proud of you. 😍😊

Yes, I know that Nagisa’s birthday is during Summer break but shhhhh

(25 unread messages) 

Akabane Karma: Hey there Nagi :) HAPPY BIRTHDAY BLUEBERRY! I can’t believe you are officially older than me. But don’t get your hopes up, just because you’re my elder, doesn’t mean that I will start listening to you. Just to show you how awesome I am, I decided to stay up late so that I can text you exactly at 00:00. But for real, I hope you have an awesome day and I promise to beat up anyone that ruins it for you ;) Nagisa, you are honestly the most amazing person I’ve ever met and you’re seriously like such a sweet and kind and honest and good person and I have no idea how someone as nice and forgiving as you ended up befriending someone as crazy and violent as me. You’re the only person who's never been scared of me and even though you hate violence you still stood by me and never tried to change me and you liked me for me. No one’s ever liked me without expecting me to change and I’ve never felt as comfortable being myself with someone as I have with you. Can’t wait to see you at school today - I got you a present. No I won’t tell you what it is and yes, you’ll definitely love it. See you soon.

Sugino Tomohito: Happy Birthday Nagisa! Hope that you have fun today! I just want to tell you that you are the best best friend that I could ever ask for and I am truly grateful for everything that you have done for me. When I first got kicked down to 3-E and was forced to leave the baseball club, I thought that it was all over but you came along and was the first person to actually sit down and listen to me and you offered to practice baseball with me and honestly, that really made my day. Dude, you are like this amazing blue ball of kindness and like seriously you are brilliant but you don’t nearly give yourself enough credit. I don’t know where you get your low self esteem from or what it is that makes you think that you are worth so little but I promise to remind you that you are cared for every single day until your next birthday and for the rest of your life. Okay, that probably sounded super weird but it’s early and my brain is like 60% baseball memes at this point. At first I hated losing my baseball friends and getting sent to this abandoned building on top of a death mountain but meeting you has made me realise that our crazy assassination classroom™ is the best thing that’s ever happened to me. From the day I’ve met you, you’ve been nothing but loyal and caring. You are the person I can talk and rant to and you’ll never judge me and you always know how to make you smile. And honestly, you are worth 1000 baseball teams. Don’t let your mother get you down. See you in class! Oh, BTW, my little brother says Hi.

Kayano Kaede: HIIIIII NAGISA! HOPE YOU HAVE A HAPPY BIRTHDAY FROM THE BOTTOM OF MY HEART! I got you a gift and I hope you like it and no it’s not pudding but you will be getting some cake from that cafe we visited over the weekend. It’s not easy being the new girl and ever since I’ve joined the class, you’ve been nothing but an awesome best friend and you have always been by my side since the day we decided to have matching hairstyles (which might I say looks so much better on you than it does on me - UNFAIR!) I hope the rest of the year is filled with pudding and happiness and sweets and smiles and everything else you love 

Nakamura Rio: Happy birthday to our resident blueberry cinnamon roll! Have a wonderful day ‘Gisa. I’m sure you will when you see what I have in store for you ;). You are seriously the most mature, innocent, pure little bean I have ever met - and definitely the most fun person to play pranks on! Dont worry, as the birthday boy, you shall spend 24 hours completely prank free. Yes, yes I know, I’m the best classmate ever. Dont need to tell me something I already know, sweetie. See you later, my fellow English lover!

Maehara Hiroto: Yo, dude, Happy Birthday! Hope you have fun and enjoy what we’ve got in store for you (no hints!). Like seriously you are legit the most awesome person ever cause you’re so sweet and innocent and can turn into this super awesome secret badass whenever you want to. Youre like the class therapist/medic/person we can always rely on and you never complain when we drive you crazy (cause I know that we do). I’m super proud of you man. Never change Nagisa. See you at school. (BTW - We still up for karaoke next week?)

Isogai Yuuma: Happy birthday Nagisa! Hope you have a wonderful day! I can’t wait to see you in class later. When my siblings found out that it was your birthday, they insisted that they make you a card.You are an irreplaceable member of our class and I’m so happy that you are part of it. Seriously, if it wasn’t for you and your ability to calm people down and talk people out of doing whatever crazy idea they came up with, I’m pretty sure I would’ve lost my mind. You’re always smiling and always participate in class without complaining and you always see the best in everyone. Keep on doing what you do Nagisa, the world could use more people like you. ( Oh and come to the cafe later, I got an iced bun on the house for you)

Fuwa Yuzuki: AAAAAHHHHH HAPPY BIRTHDAY NAGISA! CONGRATULATIONS ON SUCCESSFULLY SURVIVING THIS LONG ON EARTH! OOHH IM SUPER EXCITED FOR YOU TO SEE WHAT I’VE GOT YOU! Thank you for always going along with and listening to my crazy anime/manga rants even when you have no idea whats going on. It’s so much fun hanging out with you cause youre chill and youre always up for anything and apart from Takabayshi you’re the person in the class that get my references the most. Youre an amazing main protagonist and you deserve all of the screentime and lines you get - heck even your own spin-off show. For someone who loves heroes so much, youre doing an amazing job of being one yourself. Youre the best Watson a Sherlock like me could ever ask for and a really good friend for this manga obsessed Otaku! Love you and see you later!

Kataoka Megu: Happy Birthday Nagisa. I hope that you enjoy the rest of the day. As someone whose job is to watch over our … interesting class, having you around makes everyone else bearable. I’m sure that if you aren’t here to keep the peace I would’ve murdered Okajima months ago. You have always been really respectful and kind and I appreciate having someone as hard-working and loyal as you in my class. I always enjoy having our talks about equal rights and you have always been like a little brother to me (honestly, I prefer you over my actual older brother). See you later and please continue to stay the way you are.

Okano Hinata: Hey there Nagisa. Happy Birthday! How’s it going, little dude! Hope you enjoy yourself and have lots of fun today. Thank you for being one of the only boys that I can actually stand. You are such an amazing person to have in the class and you’re amazing at being someone that we can all come to when we’re upset. Plus you let us brush your amazing godly hair (seriously I’m jealous at how nice it is). If any main campus kids try to ruin this special day - come to me and I’ll sort them right out :)

Kurahashi Hinano: HAPPY BIRTHDAY NAGISA! I HOPE YOU HAVE LOTS AND LOTS AND LOTS OF FUN TODAY AND EVERY SINGLE DAY OF YOUR LIFE! CAN’T WAIT TO SEE YOU SO THAT I CAN GIVE YOU YOUR PRESENT IN PERSON AND THE BIGGEST BIRTHDAY HUG EVER! YOU ARE AN AMAZING PERSON AND I (AND EVERYONE ELSE) LOVE YOU SOO MUCH OKAY I HAVE TO GO NOW BUT BYEEEE 

Kimura Masayoshi: Hey Nagisa! Happy Birthday! Can’t wait to see you at school! 

Mimura Kouki: Happy Birthday Nagisa :) wish you the best :)

Yada Touka: Happy Birthday Nagisa! I hope you have a fun-filled day! You are a really sweet and nice person and I enjoy hanging around with you - especially when you join us girls on our girl trips to the mall. You’re like a little brother to me and I always feel comfortable when I’m with you. Love you and hope you have a nice day <3

Takabayashi Koutarou: Happy Birthday Nagisa. I hope that you enjoy yourself.

Hayami Rinka: Happy Birthday Nagisa

Okajima Taiga: Happy Birthday Nagisa. You are such an incredible person to have in the class. And thank you for always saving me from the girls when they get mad at me. Hope you have fun. I was going to give you some really cool magazines but when the girls figured it out they slapped me and said that they’d tie me up in the middle of the mountain and leave me there if I did so I’m just gonna give you something else that I made (with Sugaya’s help). I’ll show you it at school - I hope you like it.

Kanzaki Yukiko: Happy Birthday Nagisa. I hope you have a nice day and thank you for being such a good and reliable friend. See you at school.

Yoshida Taisei: Happy Birthday Nagisa! I’m so sorry for the grenade incident earlier and I am so happy Koro-Sensei saved you. Also like you are one tough guy, you know that right? Cause what happened with Takaoka, man you couldve beaten any of us up with your eyes closed any time. Stay awesome dude. See you at the mountain

Hara Sumire: Happy Birthday Nagisa. I’ve made some sushi just for you. I hope you like it. As your official unofficial mother, I hope you have fun today and I can’t wait to see you later. 

Sugaya Sosuke: Happy Birthday Nagisa. Thank you for being around and seeing the good in all of us even when we don’t see it ourselves. You always know how to inspire us and you are going to be an awesome grown up when you’re older. You always appreciate everyone and you know exactly how to pick us up when we’re down. I hope you like your present (you’ll get it later)

Okuda Manami: Happy Birthday Nagisa! I hope you have a wonderful day today. I just want to say thank you for being my friend and always encouraging me and helping me. You always know how to cheer me up and include me. See you at school.

Chiba Ryuunosuke: Happy Birthday Nagisa

Hazama Kirara: Happy Birthday fellow literature lover. I really enjoy talking about gothic literature with you - your analysis of themes and context is always very insightful and interesting and I enjoy spending time with you. If you ever need to escape, you can always come to me. PS - my offer to curse your mother is still up.

Muramatsu Takuya: Happy Birthday Nagisa. Hope you have fun. I made you some ramen (don’t worry its not my dad’s recipe so you’ll be good)

Terasaka Ryouma: Sup Shiota, Happy Birthday. I just want to say that I’m really sorry for being an a**hole and treating you like a jerk - especially forcing you to wear that grenade at the beginning of the year. You’re really good at assassination and you’ve got some serious moves. I dont really know what to say but you can always hang out with my gang whenever you want.

[mojavehearts]

Fallout 4 Companions react to Strong having a crush on Sole

(REQUESTED!!) (im cackling like a maniac already) 

(I know I used this before but...This IS Sole and Strong)

some are them realising it and some are helping him come to the realisation  (some of the reacts even work together as one!)

Cait: 

Cait watched as Strong stomped back and forth in front of Soles house in Sanctuary, at 4 am, on a Sunday. ‘’Oi buddy! can ya quit yer stompin?’’ she whispers out angrily, putting out her cigarette onto the side of one of the small shacks sole built Strong grumbles under his breath which makes Cait come striding up ‘’what is your problem?!’’ she was trying her best to whisper at least ‘’Strong doesn’t know!’’ he roars back she covers her ears and sighs ‘’Listen big guy, people are tryin to sleep and they cant with you stompin around’’ Strong grumbles again and points at soles door ‘’Strong cant be without master’’ ‘’what you like a lost puppy or somethin’? yer supposed to be a big mean ol’ supermutant’’ Cait scoffs, now leaning against soles house ‘’NO Strong does not want to be, without master near him, makes Strong MAD!’’ Cait’s eyes widen and she backs away slowly ‘’good lord, you better talk to MacCready about that...’’

Curie:

‘’Ah monsieur Strong!’‘ Curie waves strong over in a chirpy tune ‘‘How have our experiments gone so far? any pain? some memories? violent tendencies more than usual?’‘ Curie had gotten some data from some ‘hospital’ of sorts from New Vegas and was testing the medication in does on Strong so far nothing was different of course Strong was already more ‘Put Together’ compared to many supermutants and it had been a very small dose, ‘‘No strong want stop, making head fuzzy! weak!’‘ Curie nods and checks her chart ‘‘When does this usually happen or is it all the time?’‘ Strong stomps his feet slightly ‘‘If Strong is near master it becomes fuzzy! want to stop! need to be strong and protect Master’‘ Curie stops writing down in her notes and freezes ‘‘Oh Mon dieu’‘ 

Codsworth:

Codsworth is what he calls ‘Smart for an old bot’ he knew from the get go, hes still full of old world ideals so he isn't to keen on it, considering supermutants are known as violent brutes as well, but he warmed up to Strong (well as much as one possibly could if they weren’t sole) and it became quite entertaining for him to watch over a cup of tea and a nice book (he makes the tea for show, sadly he cant drink it) as strong ‘somehow’ gets red when with Sole, it really makes Codsworth rethink many things

Danse:

Danse...Isn’t exactly a fan of supermutants in general, that's just the way he’s  wired (haha get it...Ill go)

Strong would always try to size Danse up, whenever he would talk to Sole Strong would be there, either watching intensely with a violent glare or just interrupting whatever he could, so he went up to him and asked what his problem was, guessing it was because he used to be brotherhood and also because...Danse obviously wasn't a fan of him. Strong just stares him down and points a thick green finger to Danse’s chest poking it into him slightly ‘’Sole needs real man, not metal man’’ and walked off leaving Danse to be (the gif above)

Dogmeat:

You know that thing dogs do when they cover their eyes with their paws and or ears as well?...Yeah just that

Deacon:

One word nine letters  Terrified 

Deacon thought it was kinda cute at first when he would watch strong follow Sole around, in that scary sort of way...in that way where little girls sing ring around the rosy or your child stands beside your bed in the middle of the night and says nothing, but then he noticed things...different things, like how he would rarely let anyone else around Sole, and that one time where they went to the third rail and that person tried to hit on sole and he chucked a tantrum and set the third rail on fire and- OH MY GOD 

Piper:

Piper was making her usual rounds around Diamond City, trying to question whoever she could about her new piece ‘’Mirelurks and their MireQuirks’’ when suddenly she saw strong browsing the general supplies store she was confused why he was here alone, things may have changed since Sole came into play but he might still get given a hard time, he scratches his chin and Piper moves closer to greet him ‘’Master friend, Strong need gift for Master, Master gave Strong milk of human kindness’’ Piper thought this was very normal in fact and did help him pick out something, but then he turned to her and said ‘’How do humans show ‘E fec tion’ ‘’ and she froze ‘’Oh wow buddy i’m not the one for that um...Maybe Nicky can help he was married once well- when he was- when he wasn't- wait was he him- yes of course- um - but its- well-’’ Strong had enough of her blubbering and scoffs already walking off to see valentine, Soles gift in hand. Piper breathes out and then in deeply but then starts laughing softly, it was kind of cute really, but she didn’t think Supermutants could feel ..Love?, Piper had already found a new, and better article idea. SCORE

Preston:

Preston sighs softly, wiping the sweat away from under his hat, taking it off to fan himself with it he noticed the ground rumbling slightly beneath him ‘’Strong that you?’’ Preston turns to the direction of the rumbles and places his hat back on, sure enough he was met with big green mean fighting machine, strong. ‘’You know master, what does master like, besides blood and fighting’’ Preston purses his lips in slight confusion an audible ‘huh’ leaving his throat ‘’Strong want say sorry for Third Rail on fire, Mack Ree Dee says I should show sorry with actions’’ Preston scratches the side of his face and stares at the ground for a minute ‘’why don't you go to diamond city? check out the stuff there I’m sure they would like anything from the surplus store’’ Strong grunts in agreement and stomps away again behind Strong stood MacCready with a tilted head and raised eyebrows Preston looks at him completely confused until MacCready takes his two fingers and draws a heart, Preston stands there dumbfounded his gun falling from his hands

Valentine:

It was a slow day for nick, seemed not many people needed help nowadays guess he had Sole to thank for this time off, but he was getting a bit restless with all this sitting around waiting for something, he felt kind of bad for wishing for things to happen but he was sick of the small ‘Lost my cat’ or ‘forgot where my nuka-cola truck was’ and sick of the fact all of those were deacon in different wigs, so when his door opened he was pretty excited he turns his head up quickly and is met with strong slowly trying to squeeze into the door, he struggled for a few minutes before sitting down, and then breaking the chair, but he still sat in place on top of the broken chair on the floor, nick chuckles and rubs at his temples why was the world against him ‘’Strong, great to see you...What do you need?’’ strong was quick to speak ‘’Paper send me but before that pwes ton and then before that mac ree dee and then before him irish lady, and now im here help strong now metal man!’’ nick rubs the lower part of his face and sighs ‘’so...Paper? sent you specifically?’’ strong nods with a grumble ‘’Alright..tell me what you need’’ it was better than seeing deacon in a long blonde wig talking in a high pitch voice about his cheating husband for 5 hours ‘’Strong been told to come to you because you were married and I need to know E fec tion’’ Nicks eyes widen slightly, the pupils whirrling vibrantly this had to be one of deacons tricks ‘’Affection? for whom’’ Strong slams a big green fist on the desk, breaking it, nick pretends the desk is still there for sanity sake and rests his arms in midair ‘’For Master! who else would be good enough for E fec tion’’ Nick could die at that moment ‘’Alright Deacon you can come out now’’ Strong roars angrily ‘’Bald man at settlement!’’ oh god so this was...Serious, nick takes a looooonnngggggg drag of a cigarette and sighs ‘’Alright...ill help ya’’

X6-88:

(petition for me to just use Raymond Holt gifs for X6 considering they are basically,,The same person like the personalities are spot on omg)

All of the companions where sharing their opinions/outlooks on Strongs growing affections on sole/if Sole would return them and all that, Hancock threw in a few sexual jokes (making everyone groan in different tones) while everyone else already knew X6 did not, and he found it obscene 

‘‘x6, what do you think about it?’‘ Curie asks with her eyes full of curiosity, as always. 

‘‘Absolutely...Not’‘

‘‘What do you mean ‘Absolutely not?’’ Piper asks with a joking scoff 

‘‘it is ridiculous at best, there is no way’‘ the other companions sigh at him ‘‘hey it could be a real blossoming love my guy, they will have gorgeous half green babies’‘ Deacon says with a mouthful of carrot X6 looks at him in distaste and turns in his hair ‘‘X6! don't ignore us, stop being a grumpy pants you aren't in the institute anymore! love is real!’‘ Mac says excitedly X6 slowly turns his chair back and stares at him through his glasses

‘‘It might be, but not between sole and the supermutant, now before you complain, i am once again turning in my chair’‘

he will come around

MacCready:

‘’MACK REE DEE!’’Strong stomped up to Mac at INCREDIBLE speed ‘’whoa there strong! you could flatten me buddy’’ he chuckled but he was literally terrified for his life seeing strong run like that ‘’Loud lady says you can help me’’ strong says bluntly ‘’help with what?’’ now mac was interested  ‘’I told her I didn’t want to be without Master and she tells me to see you little man’’ MacCready rubs his neck in confusion why would she send strong to him over nothing it was only natural that he would be if he considers Sole his Master ‘’After fire in Third Rail Master was upset at Strong, STRONG CANT STAND IT’’ Mac nodded slightly ‘’uh well...Sometimes a good ‘’hey I’m sorry’’ and some affection, maybe a hug and a gift can work?’’ strong seemed to like that idea ‘’I GO NOW’’ he roars ‘’whoa buddy wait! do you want me to tell Sole you’re leavin? I’m on my way to have dinner with her now’’ dinner!? Strong’s alarms went off in his head and he picks Mac up by his jacket snarling slightly ‘’Dinner?!’’ Maccready stares at strong, confused and terrified ‘’Um yeah...The thing people do to eat? she wanted Duncan and Shaun to meet formally? you were invited remember?’’ ‘’oh’’ strong slowly and gently (for a supermutant) and slightly dusts Mac off and turned away MacCready laughed softly at how strange he could be and then stopped dead in his tracks ‘’Wait what the fu- ‘’

Hancock:

Once the institute was defeated Hancock and Sole both came up with the idea to have a party for everyone at the third rail, all of good neighbour was decorated from top to bottom with funny decor, synth scraps, all of that (much to x6′s dislike, he still went) everything was fine and dandy, everyone was partying it up, Magnolia switched It up for the night and was singing some upbeat party tunes, and then some random stumbled up to Sole, Hancock watched for a distance he knew Sole could handle themselves so he just watched silently, it was chill and all until Strong war cried, threw the person into some lit candles which then got caught on a decoration and set it on fire and then in shock some people bumped into each other and started fighting AND THEN as everything was going to shit Sole had to jump up to Strong to avoid the fire as it pooled around them, the way strong held onto Sole, told him enough whether supermutants could feel that kinda thing or not wasn't his business. Putting out his cigarette he sighs and decides to help in the chaos as Deacon walked into the third rail ‘’ I BROUGHT PIZZ- aaaa???!’’

BONUS

Sole:

Sole was sitting at dinner with Mac, Duncan and Shaun and turned towards the empty spot they had reserved for Strong with a sigh. They just continue to smile and eat, until the door gets fireman kicked down (I cannot stop with that) and strong appears Sole stands up and strong walks towards them, a pretty sweet looking belt in hand he throws it at sole and they catch it ‘’is this for me strong? well thanks! I-’’ then Strong picks them up and awkwardly  hugs them to his body sole struggles a little bit against him ‘’is this about the third rail? its alright strong I told you that I was just busy’’ Strong ‘’I’m trying to do human E fec tion’’ sole goes silent and then smiles softly ‘’thanks strong that’s really nice of you to do that for me, but you don’t have to I like you the way you are’’ strong slowly puts sole down and sole pats him on the arm 

Mac and Duncan just looked at each other awkwardly and kept eating the whole time

Bonus Bonus

Maxson:

(I hope this was okay!! thank you so much for requesting I had a BLAST doing it!! xxx)

[svudrabbles]

How about one where Olivia gets jealous when another mom (one of Noah’s friends) flirts with fem!reader at one of Noah’s games (you pick the sport) especially when Olivia has been working really hard on a case, so she has been missing out on spending time with them. Angst + fluff at end pls I hope this makes sense because it sounds better in my head. Anyways, love your writing! You are really good!

Thank you so much!! This is a really great prompt, sounds great on paper too lmao. I chose dance because that’s what we saw most recently on the show...and also it made a neat storyline in the fic. Hope you enjoy!

Noah’s mid season performance review at the dance academy was today. You had informed Olivia of this last week, and she had promised both you and Noah she would be there. You hated to say it, but you weren’t sure if she’d show. She’d been at work constantly since the beginning of the month working this new case, and while you understood the importance of her job, sometimes it felt like she shoved the two of you to the side.

On the way to the academy, Noah had seen upset in the back seat, so of course you inquired as to why.

He said, “I don’t think mommy is gonna show up...”

Your eyebrows furrowed in sadness , and you sighed. “Noah, she just texted me that she’s leaving work in ten minutes. She’ll be here.”

He sighed, looking out of the window, and didn’t respond.

Yeah. You didn’t exactly believe your words either. But you could hope.

When you arrived, there were parents lined up against the massive wall to wall mirrors. Olivia wasn’t here yet. You took your seat at the end of the line, although Noah hadnt left your side.

“Mama,” he pouted, “where’s mommy?”

“She’ll ve here, love.” You hugged him tightly. “Go see your friends, okay? I’m right here. I’m not going anywhere.”

All of a sudden, a woman and a little girl entered the room. She gasped at the sight of Noah and ran toward the two of you. “Noah! Look! My mommy got me a new leotard. Wanna see?”

Noah turned his head toward his friend, and almost as if he forgot entirely about his nervousness, he grinned. “Hi, Lilliah! Yeah!”

The girl named Lilliah took him by the hand and dragged him over to the cubbies where she practically ripped off her coat and began modeling her new sparkly leotard.

You felt someone take a seat next to you, so you turned your head and almost gasped at the sight.

“Y/N?” Grace laughed in surprise.

Grace was...an old friend of sorts. You were a dancer growing up, and had made it into a company by the time you were eighteen. Grace and you had made this accomplishment together, but once you left the company, you’d completely lost touch.

“Grace!” You smiled happily, bringing the woman into a huge hug.

“My God it’s been so long.” She squeezed you tightly. “Where have you been?”

You pulled away, your eyes searching her person. Her thick blond curly hair was swept into a messy bun, her sparkling blue eyes were alive with excitement as they usually were. Her white teeth broad in a grin. As much as you were friends, Grace was also your ex girlfriend.

“Ah, around.” You shrugged. “I actually teach dance at another studio.”

“Very nice. I always expected that from you.” She chuckled, squeezing your thigh.

You looked down at the sudden touch with raised eyebrows.

“I guess my daughter is friends with your son.” She mentioned, motioning toward the two little kids who were running around together giggling.

You smiled. “I guess so.”

“Makes sense. We were always good friends.” She winked.

You blushed. “Yeah. We were huh?”

“I met Lilliah’s dad not soon after you dropped out of the company. He was sort of a cope, I think. We became...acquaintances with benefits.” She shrugged. “I got pregnant with her, he skipped out.”

You frowned. “I’m sorry, Grace.”

“It’s okay.” She chuckled. “Lily is the best thing in the world. Im glad it happened. But I do wish you’d been around.”

You sighed. “I’m sorry, I just...when I left, I didn’t want any reminders of why I had to go.”

“I know.” She nodded, her hand on your thigh ran inwardly. “I don’t blame you. I’m just glad fate brought us together again.”

You cleared your throat, pushing her hand away. You looked toward the door, and Olivia was standing there, staring at you, hurt in her eyes.

Fuck.

“That’s my wife, actually.” You mentioned to Grace. “My sons other mother.”

The blond raised her brows. “Oh...”

You stood, going over to Liv, and making a point of hugging her tightly. She hugged you back.

“I’m glad you’re here.” You mumbled.

“Who is she?” Olivia questioned. “I don’t like the way she was touching you.”

You sighed. “I’ll tell you later.”

Suddenly you had a small child crash into the both of you. It was Noah. “Mommy!” He grinned wildly. “You really came.”

“I really did.” Olivia grinned down at her boy, giving him a kiss on the cheek. “I’m so excited to watch you.”

Almost immediately after she said that, Noah’s dance teacher called out for the kids to take their places, as well as the parents.

***

After watching the performance, Grace had slipped you her number in your back pocket when you weren’t paying attention. She sent you a wink before saying, “If you ever wanna grt coffee anyway.”

Olivia had took note of this, and was upset all over again.

The three of you went out for dinner and ice cream, and then went home. Olivia helped Noah with his bath, and then put him to bed. You were in your room that the two of you shared, cuddled into your side of the bed with a glass of red wine, in one of Olivia’s NYPD t shirts that swallowed you whole.

Olivia came into the room, and eyed you. “We need to talk.”

You blinked, placing your glass on the night table. “Okay.”

“Who was thet woman?” She questioned, shutting the door behind her. “She seemed like she knew you. She could hardly keep her hands off of you.”

You sighed. “Grace is her name. We knew each other at the company, before I left.”

“Knew each other?” She questioned, rummaging theough her drawers for pajamas.

“Shes my ex.” You said softly.

Olivia scoffed. “Of course.”

“Excuse me?” You raised a brow. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

“You were completely content with letting her practically finger you in a room full of kids.” Olivia stated nastily. She began undressing, changing into her pajamas.

“What the fuck?” You scoffed. “I shoved her away. You know that.”

“When I got there. How do I know how long it went on before?” Olivia spun on her heels, staring at you.

“Maybe you would have known if you were there!” You exclaimed. “You’re never here. You’re never around to touch me like that, you’re never around to watch Noah. It’s just the two of us all of the time.”

“Y/N, you know how important my work is...”

“And we arent!?” You asked, full of emotion. “Liv, all i want at the end of every day is to cuddle with you, kiss you. Make love to you. But I don’t get to do that. I don’t get to tell you how hard my day was, I don’t get to lean on you, and I live with that because I love you and I know how much your job means to you. But we have to mean something to you too, and it feels like we don’t.”

Olivia’s face became forlorn. She sighed, rubbing a hand through her hair.

You rolled your eyes, turning over on your side so you faced the wall. “Whatever, though. None of that matters. Keep practically pissing yourself all because one woman, who I haven’t spoken to, who I don’t love, touched me the way you should be.”

Olivia was silent, but she walked over to the bed, crawled under the covers, and pressed her body against yours. You melted into her warm touch. She curled around you as your big spoon, her leg going between your two legs, her arm wrapped tightly around your waist. With her other hand, she brushed away your hair, and pressed kissed to the nape of your neck. “I’m sorry. I know I haven’t been around. It’s not fair to you or to Noah...”

Your eyes filled with tears now.

“I love you, Y/N. I’m sorry i got mad, it’s just...when I saw her like that, with you...I hated myself. I should’ve been with you, holding you. She didn’t know you were married because I wasn’t there to let everyone know you’re mine.”

You sighed as she kissed your neck, softly sucking on the skin. “You’re my one and only love, Olivia. I’m proud of you for what you do, I love that you protect the unprotected. I just need you to be with us more than you have been.”

“I will be. I promise. I’ll be here more than I have been.” She mumbled, squeezing you tight. “I love you so much, my love.”

“I love you too.” You turned over, wrapping your leg around Liv’s waist, pulling your body flush against hers. Her hand slipped under your shirt, caressing your back, your side, your tummy.

“I’ll make it up to you tonight, if you let me?” Olivia said softly.

You smiled. “I’d love that.”