#harry styles sibling

[ijustloveharry]

Prompt Request - "Hey, random request, but Harry x sister and she gets her period unexpectedly with him and she’s so embarrassed and mortified (maybe crying) and doesn’t want him to know and he just kinda figure it out (don’t know how though) and is sooo sweet about it 🥺" / 2k words / siblings & fluff

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Steph stared at the mess in her underwear, completely frozen in place. Of course she got her period while her parents weren't home.

They had gone away for the weekend, sparing their kids the details but taking some needed alone time.

Harry was 17, he was old enough to watch his 14 year old sister for 3 days. Hell, they would have left her alone at this point. They couldn't head out fast enough.

"Text me if you need anything" Her mother had said, suitcase in hand

"Try not to need anything" Their dad said to Harry, winking at the two of them.

"We'll be fine." Steph rolled her eyes.

They left after that, kissing both their heads before piling into the car.

Steph wondered if Harry was planning to throw a party or if he meant it when he promised not to.

He didn't have anything planned. Steph was a nark and he figured he could just go to a friend's house if he wanted to hang out. That was true, Steph usually told their parents when Harry made bad choices. She had a pretty firm grasp on right and wrong.

"Pizza for dinner?" Harry asked, knocking on her bedroom door. She was hidden in her ensuite bathroom but could hear him lightly.

"Sounds good." She yelled back, hoping he couldn't tell she had tears streaming down her cheeks.

She debated texting her mom, but decided she was old enough to deal with it on her own. It was bound to happen - she was the last of her friends to get it and she knew it was only a matter of time. She wasn't going to tell Harry, it was mortifying enough and she didn't want to drag him into it.

Huffing, she put the stained underwear back on and snuck out of her room. She went into the main bathroom and scavenged the drawers. Nothing, to her dismay.

She didn't really want to snoop through her parents things, but figured her mom might stash them in their own bathroom. Nothing, she just found tampons and she didn't really want to go there. Her friend's mom had warned them profusely about toxic shock syndrome and Steph figured it wasn't worth the risk. She just shoved a ton of toilet paper in her underwear and headed to the kitchen.

"I can pick it up, if you want. I was gonna take my bike to the store so I'll be out that way anyway."

Harry looked at her puzzled, they had just gone to the store the previous day and couldn't possibly think of what she could have forgotten.

"The store? What for?"

Steph shuffled awkwardly

"Just forgot something yesterday. I'll be quick"

She couldn't dart out fast enough, and Harry followed out the door after her.

"I was gonna pick it up anyway - just placed the order. Let me give you a ride, weirdo."

Steph cursed to herself and nodded. How fast did this it happen? Was she gonna bleed in the front seat of his car?

She pushed the anxiety away and hopped in. The ride was silent and he could tell something was off about her, but decided to leave it. She was probably going to meet some boy and he was satisfied he had intervened.

She didn't get out of the car when they got there though. She just sat and stared at the doors to the supermarket. What if she ran into someone she knew? What if Harry asked to look in the bag when she came back?

"You should get the pizza." She stated "I can walk back."

Harry eyed her for a moment, and decided that no, she would not walk back.

"All good, I'd like to get some soda anyway. I'll just come in with you."

"Fuck." She mumbled to herself. Harry pretended not to hear. What was she up to?

She abandoned him in the store quickly, rushing towards the pharmacy. He opted to get the soda and figured they would meet back at the checkouts.

He waited for a few minutes, but she didn't come. He was about to get impatient before she was darting past, heading out the front doors without a word. Harry quickly left the soda and followed after her.

"Hey - what are you doing? I haven't paid yet, where-"

He was cut off by her wide eyes, which were not directed at him. He turned to follow her gaze and there was a security guard eyeing the two of them.

"Sorry - I didn't pay but I left the items inside." Harry said awkwardly "Wouldn't bring em out without purchasing them, obviously..."

"Maybe you wouldn't." The guard said simply "But she did"

Steph's palms were sweating. She hadn't taken the whole pack - just a few pads to hold her over until her parents got home. She figured it wasn't a big deal and shrugged. He wasn't going to search a young girls pants.

"Miss, are your parents with you? I'm going to need you to remove the contraband, please."

Harry's eyes shot at his sister, who was standing there squeamishly. Is she fucking kidding?

"Jesus, Steph. What've you taken?" Harry turned to the officer "I'm sure this is a misunderstanding. She wouldn't do that."

Steph was nervous now. She had gotten caught and made everything worse than it needed to be. She debated running the few blocks home and locking herself in her room until Monday.

"Saw the whole thing on camera." The guard said, remaining firm. "Gonna need her to give it back or I'll have to call the police. Please don't make me do that."

Harry's mouth fell open, and he stepped back towards his younger sister.

"Well, Steph? Give it back."

Steph shook her head. She was mortified and she didn't want to make her embarrassment even worse. She'd rather go to jail.

"We can also just ring it up, if you're willing to pay. Can just call it a misunderstanding." The guard offered.

Harry eyed his sister and groaned, following the guard back inside. Steph stood by Harry's car and cursed herself for allowing this to happen.

Harry's demeanour was different when he came back, carrying the torn open package of pads she had left in the aisle. This was a delicate situation and he was not equipped to handle it. He sighed before unlocking the car.

"You don't have to steal." He finally mumbled, and Steph looked out the window.

"You should never steal." He said again. He debated calling his mom but thought back to what his dad had said.

"Sorry." Steph said sheepishly, sinking further into the seat. "I didn't mean to get caught."

"You shouldn't have done it to begin with. Why - er, why didn't you just tell me?"

Steph scoffed, still refusing to look in his direction.

"And then what?" She sighed, still looking out the window "Then what would you have done?"

"And then we could have went to the bloody store and got some pads - jesus." Harry ran his hands through his hair "You're lucky he was nice, that could've been way worse."

Steph shrugged, praying for the conversation to be over. It couldn't possibly be worse, she thought.

"I don't want to talk about it."

"I don't care." He said, eyeing her quickly as he made the short drive home. The pizza was long forgotten. "And you shouldn't be ashamed, you're allowed to talk about it."

"It doesn't feel like it." Steph said, almost in a whisper. She was so embarrassed and emotional and she didn't know what to do. Harry was about to say something else before she burst into tears. His gaze softened.

"Hey - look, it's okay. It happens to everyone, or, every young girl, I guess." Harry cursed himself and hoped he wasn't making it worse. "Mom may have had some-"

"She didn't." Steph said, finally looking at Harry. "I looked and she didn't."

"Okay." He said plainly. "No biggie, we could've just went and got some then, you don't have to be embarrassed, and you definitely don't have to steal."

Steph began to cry harder, and buried her head in her hands. It was a big deal; she didn't want this to happen and it did and now everyone was going to know. Everything was going to be different and she couldn't handle that.

"I don't want this - I don't want to be a girl" She cried, fresh tears pooling from her eyes. "I feel so sad and angry and also weirdly happy and my stomach hurts and I'm overwhelmed"

Harry smiled to himself. She was going to be okay, he thought.

"Yeah, I've heard that happens." He said, reaching out to her. "We have a heating pad to help the cramps, and I think advil or whatever should help a bit too. In terms of the emotions, yeah I mean that sucks and I can't pretend I relate but we can have ice cream and watch a sad movie or something"

Steph sniffled and glanced to her brother. He was being nice, she thought, and she didn't have to be a bitch even though she kind of wanted to.

"Okay." She finally said "Am I gonna feel like this forever?"

"No" Harry laughed "Not forever. Just like once a month for the next 40 years. It'll get easier."

Steph chuckled at that, wiping the tears from her eyes. Her chest tightened as she realized she should have just gone to him - she was being stupid and she was lucky he was there to take care of it.

"You can always come to me for anything, you know" He said softly "Especially if you're embarrassed and feel like you can't go to anyone else."

"Okay" She agreed. She shed a few more years before climbing out of the car. She stopped and checked the seat of the car, sighing in relief that she hadn't bled through the make-shift pad she figured was barely holding on.

"it would come out, you know." Harry said knowingly. "Cold water gets blood out pretty well if you're quick, i've had my share of nosebleeds and sport injuries and it doesn't stain that bad. Don't worry."

"Thanks, Harry." Steph smiled. She would be okay.

"No problem" He chuckled. "You're silly."

She smiled sheepishly and headed into the bathroom. Harry made sure she was okay for the rest of the weekend and didn't tattle on her when their parents got home, to her relief.

"Some things don't need to be shared. It'll be fine."

"Thanks" Steph smiled.

She didn't have a problem leaning on her older brother after that.

[gumballavocadoharry]

Estrangement:

*This is a POV of you and Harry's daughter Kaitlin. Yn= you and ofc Harry is your husband. Mentions of mistreatment towards their child. Not physical abuse but emotional neglect and somewhat abuse I guess.*

The wind shoved up against my curtains and the open window that let out a surreal glimpse into the real world. The California cotton candy sunset flashed it's colors in the sky, as the darkness of the soon to come night sky would befall it all. There I laid in bed, on my laptop checking out the Instagram friends I had for over the 2 years since I finally decided to create an account. I never posted anything, but it was an escape from the inhabitable environment of home.

Ah to be the middle child-the second to the oldest that was adored and loved by all the family. That was Kimberly. Our parents started the trend of naming us all with the letter K. Kimberly, Kaitlin, Kylie, Kameron and Kristopher (My brothers) and youngest named Kira. All six of with the letter...K. Although despite my name with the familiar syllable...that still didn't make me fit in.

Kimberly had her honors, her trophies hung up as prized possessions for achievements inside and outside school, Kylie had her art that she drew, even having an art wall put into her bedroom because....why not? Then the twins had their sports, the athletic side that earned them several trophies and praise from mom and dad, and then there was Kira. The baby of the family...she didn't have anything except cuteness that came as a surprise to everyone when the twins turned 6. She didn't have to work hard for attention, it came to her whether she wanted it or not.

Then there was me. In everyone's shadow. I liked poetry...I wrote some whenever I could find inspiration...but that didn't matter to anyone. My parents could care less. Kira appreciated it, so I would always doll out time to write about a mystical pony in the sky or a rainbow spotted cheetah that ran on the stars nighttime dust just to have a moment with the little girl before her bedtime.

My hair abruptly blew from the evening breeze that signaled it's reign. I typed away on the keys of my stone colored laptop, hoping one of my friends was up to chat. It wasn't often this peaceful in the house besides my bedroom, where laughter filled the hallways or the downstairs, or screams and cries echoed throughout bedrooms, mostly by the screaming toddler that didn't want to go to bed while all her siblings stayed up into late hours. That's where I'd come in with a story that sent little Kira right to sleep, hugging her stuffed moon pillow with the cutest little innocent face on it. Mom and dad never appreciated my efforts in putting my sister, their child to sleep. Almost like I was the ghost haunting the house just doing random deeds that no one felt the need to acknowledge.

Except for Kira, I was alone. The earthy sky and the now booming stars showed as my nightly companions if I happened to be up into late hours like tonight.

No reply from the instagram friends. The internet people from behind a screen that could live a thousand miles away from the scorching California summer, that despite the burning temperatures, still managed to give that bohemian summertime aesthetic all year round. Fall was a favored season of mine mostly due to the summer's temper finally cooling down for the year where sweat jackets were all anyone needed to step a foot outside.

My brown strands that were mixed with a honey blonde, laid neatly on my shoulders as I contemplated going downstairs to grab a drink. Maybe I'll be able to strike up a conversation with Kimberly about what type of tricks I can use to get the professor to lighten my load in my assignments. I was just kidding myself....goody two shoes will run to mommy and daddy and spill the beans, leading to a stern lecture about being honest and doing what's required of me in all I do in school despite never having the help I needed.

But to my luck, school was almost over and soon I'll be able to apply for a job that will land me into a steady track of a good income. I can say that I did this all by myself. My dad. The college professor at one of the most prestigious schools in the country couldn't even lift a finger to help me with any work even when I've asked. Long nights spent at the library, studying through every English literature book I could find is what pushed me up to the top tier. My mom being no better was a nag. She nagged me about nothing being done right with my chores all because I was 'studying' too much and was actually talking about me wanting to drop out.

I pushed them all away and forged a path on my own with the help of ambition and black coffee on those all nighters. I decided against going downstairs and just focused on my poetry. Little footsteps crawled through the mellow lit hallway and a soft knocked appeared on my door.

I carefully tiptoed to the door and spotted my little sister, sucking her thumb and finally suckling out about how she wanted another story read. I rubbed my strained eyes with some upcoming dark circles growing under them like a raccoon and invited her in. She took a seat on my bed as I read to her from a book of my poems that I had made myself. 

Kira giggled as I imitated the voices of the characters I had imagined for them. "And then the big horse said-"

"Kira what are you doing out of bed!?" Mom came in, eyes instantly reverting to me as if I had somehow forced Kira out of bed to listen to my somber poems filled with deep angst and bitterness that I dare not squawk out to dispassionate family. Not even Kira knows the depths of emptiness I feel from a day-to-day basis from the excruciating nonchalant parents I have that force me to swallow myself whole and shield myself yet at the same time whenever I can feel disapproval coming on strong. Only me, never Kim, Kam, Kris, Ky or Kir thank goodness. I couldn't bare my youngest sister going through the pains of not having someone. And when I'm gone, I dread to see just how much of that nightmare is true.

Mom swept Kira off the bed like dust being swept in a dustpan and sweetly carried her back into her bedroom. But not before letting me have it, like she saw me as some villain trying tear apart her family. "Kaitlin! You are not supposed to disturb your sister when she's sleeping! You know better!"

"It's okay mommy, I went into her room," Sweet Kira insisted. "It's okay honey, let's just get you back to bed." The woman's eyes diverted themselves back to me. This time with more coldness. "You stay in your room and be quiet. I don't want to hear a peep from you." She sneered. She whisked Kira away and that was that. I listened closely by the doorframe of my bedroom, only to hear exaggerated kisses coming from Kira's bedroom. A smile snuck itself onto my face somehow, maybe for the sake of Kira getting all the love she deserves.

Coldness covered my back like a blanket, as I could see mom leaving Kira's room. She stared at my room with a deep glare before continuing on downstairs. I quietly got up and went back to my bed, staring at the half read story that was written for Kira. My eyes gazed back to the stars that had now showed themselves with their yellow glares that shined down on my hazel eyes. One day....it'll all be over. I tucked myself into bed after doing a french braid and laid back in the purple and gray covers that kept me warm until dawn. My opened window still let in that summertime breeze that swished the sweat from my head and the tears from my eyes.

Then darkness. I was asleep.

I woke up to the sun glaring through my bedroom window, it's fumy glow rested on my face as nature's alarm clock. I rubbed my tired eyes to notice the window was still open from last night. The fresh morning dew air tickled my nose as it swirled around the sunlight sherbet sky. The curtains swung back and fourth to the rhythm of the wind that captured a cool breeze into my room that made it less sufferance than yesterday's furious heat that left everyone's tongues out panting like a dog.

I made my way downstairs, finally getting ahold of some orange juice before the breakfast rush came in. Peace and quiet, my personal serenity from the other seven residents living in the perfect big house on a white picket fence hill. I swallowed harshly at the thought and continued pouring my orange juice into a big glass cup with pretty little designs on it. I sat in the kitchen nook taking in the summer morning that allowed me my peace and happiness even if it was to be temporary.

I closed my eyes and let my mind take me into my safe space, my personal little bubble that kept me sane, happy and wanted. Bouncing on bubbles type of happy, sunflower kiss happy, swimming in a bed full of lavenders happy. I breathed taking it all in, letting my brain fill with all sorts of dreams. Maybe I could catch them if I just....

The atmosphere changed. Dad had entered the room...I could feel it. The deep dive I had taken into fantasy world, was now tethering me back up to the main land. The somber reality of it all. 

I opened my eyes, only to be met with distant and cold green ones that were so close, yet so far away. Hm, reminds me of Kristopher. He acted just like dad....only a little nicer. I was more accepting of his behavior because he's my brother....and siblings are supposed to tease each other right? But father's and daughters.....well dad's was more brutal...more condescending. It was inconsolable at times. The bright crimson sky had now metaphorically turned into an ugly black and grayish one filled with nightmares and turmoil. 

He didn't even say good-morning. And well neither did I so we're even. "Good morning." I said finally grasping myself from my biased rudeness. No sense for me to be a jerk as well. Still no response just a "Mhmm." It wasn't until Kim joined in that he greeted her with a kiss and a "Good morning" as usual. Once again, alienated. Pretty soon the whole crowd started coming in and I was sitting in the kitchen nook still alienated from the residents.

Loneliness engulfed me like a wave washing over sand and leaving it moist and crushed, as the pack started rolling in for the breakfast rush. I ended up making some toast, coffee and cereal and took it all upstairs to my bedroom to eat and relax. But as my luck had it, I heard my dad's voice shift from the living and then eventually to the staircase. "Kaitlin! Come here now!" He yelled with a repugnant sneer. 

I traipsed downstairs but was stopped midway by my dad putting his hand up. "What's this?" He said with a condescending tone. I looked down to see some spilled milk from when I was taking my cereal upstairs. "Milk," I answered. "I want you to come and clean this up." He finished, venom practically spilling from him lips. Dad pursed his lips and gave a strong grisly glare as I continued on down the stairs and made my way to the kitchen to grab some paper towels. As I returned, dad made me get on my hands and knees while he towered over me like a heavy rock threatening to crush it's little twigs that lie beneath it. He wanted me to feel powerless and patronized..that's where he got his second wind.

I cleaned up the mess and just took the paper towels upstairs with me to my bedroom, so I could tend to my soggy cereal and toast and cold coffee. Tears threatened to spill from my eyes as I took a sip from my cold watered down coffee. My small breakfast was ruined thanks to my dad who became livid over some spilled milk. I could hear him laughing it up with the rest of the family, not even caring that I wasn't to take delight in the family breakfast. I was too timid to even bother going downstairs and heating my coffee up, so I just took it as it was and left it at that.

My lips quivered as I took a bit from my toast and another from my cereal. I stomached through it and then tarnished the remains once I felt it safe to enter the kitchen. Kylie, Kimberly, Kristopher, Kameron and Kira were all the ones mom and dad seemed to truly love. The way mom flashes her natural motherly smile at them, they way dad grins as he shares his fatherly wisdom with them, encouraging them to give it their all and be the best version of themselves.

It was like seeing everyone's happiness through the eyes of a ghost. The only thing I focused on was throwing away my garbage and heating up a new cup of coffee. That's what I was getting because I deserved better. My spirits kept me afloat, through a complete tug-of-war with my heart and despondent thoughts. The beep of the microwave didn't stop anyone from their chatting, so I took my hot cup of coffee and made my way upstairs to my bedroom to drown myself in some school work. The sooner I graduated, the sooner I would be getting that job as a writer. I plugged in my headphones and drowned myself in writing my essay to send into the teacher.

Trade school was like that. But it was less stressful then college so I took that over any day, the last thing I needed was more heartache to add to what I was facing at home. My endurance was tested everyday with new and different things. I should be grateful. It's made me a stronger person I guess.

Later that afternoon, I asked mom if I could go to the library to study. I prayed she'd let me go because in her eyes, it would get me out of the house. Of course she said yes, probably thinking the same thing just in a more strident way of thinking. I grabbed my backpack and dashed out the door. The last thing I needed was another setback like the one dad gave me this morning. 

The library was finally peace and quiet. It reminded me of the tranquility of relief I felt this morning. Just me and the other 4 people scattered across the section. Disappearing for me felt freeing, no one could hurt me, no one could say anything that breaks down the brick wall that has encased me inside. I pulled a few promising books from the shelf before diving right into to a computer and finishing my studies there. My eyes moved back and fourth from the bright screen, then to the basic pages of the book. I was chiefly more focused on the book and writing notes into my online notebook to clear the clutter of having scattered flash cards or notebook pages that were trailed into different sections that after awhile became confusing and only gave me the bare minimum of what I needed.

My head was consistently shoved into a book for 3 hours straight until I decided enough was enough and that I needed to catch a break from all the studying. So I grabbed my backpack, swung it over my shoulder and left the library for some coffee. I walked along the sandy colored pathway to the nearest downtown coffee shop, only to see the line was overwhelmingly vast. The galling amount of customers was going to be too much for me to handle if I hadn't noticed the blonde haired boy serving the drinks. I quickly plopped myself in line, anxiously waiting to be served by the charmer making the lattes.

To my one in a million break, the line moved rather faster than when I had looked in the window. The varying customers left one by one out of the line with their espresso treats, while I was only three customers in from meeting fate in a green apron and a dimpled smile. My cheeks burned when I swore he made eye contact with me. These hazel eyes really captured his attention?

I was already rehearsing my order in my head for when I got to the counter as not to choke on the right words from a pretty face making direct contact with me. An iced vanilla latte with whipped cream and caramel drizzle.....and maybe one of those fudge brownies that look so delicious?

Finally was up to the line after the woman in front of me got her regular hazelnut coffee that she too impatient to drink once she was out of the line. I cleared my throat and looked confidently in the barista's eyes, despite his matching hazel ones being intimidating ample. "I-I would like an iced vanilla latte with whipped cream and caramel sauce. And a fudge brownie please." I politely requested.

The blonde haired boy typed in the order and asked if there was anything else I would like. "No that'll be all." He smiled and waited for me to hand him my card. With shaky, infatuated hands, I gave him my card to swipe. "Alrighty, you're all set." He smiled and immediately got to work on my coffee and snack. I blushed deeply as I remembered his fingers touched my hand as he took my card. I shuffled my card back into my wallet as a partial excuse to shield my face from his seeing me scarlet stained cheeks from his encounter.

Pretty soon, I saw my coffee was served right in front of me along with a packaged brownie cake and a handsome smile that farewelled me with; "Have a nice day." I smiled back and repeated those words to him before grabbing my coffee and brownie and then leaving. I shoved my phone into my pocket to enjoy my brownie and iced coffee as I walked along downtown and sight see all the different tall buildings that and the short offices that still added depth to the anomalous city. I finished my brownie, now it was just my coffee that needed my attention I sipped along to when I spotted a large building that sent phobic chill up my spine. My heart raced at an irrational but sensible speed the more I walked past it.

My father's school where he worked. Sure he was a hit with all the kids that he shared his immeasurable knowledge of life and of science with. Word on the street was Professor styles is a excellent teacher and his skills are astute! Even I had to agree with it to a perspective...dad was one very intelligent man. But a horrid father to me. I decided to suck in my hostage breath and face a very inhibit fear of mine that shouldn't even began to exist. I walked through the tall brownish red doors that led me to the highly lavish main floor of classrooms and lockers that were attached to the ornate walls. I chugged my coffee down anxiously as I wandered through the exquisite college that I felt out of place at.

My feet dared not turn to the cursed third floor, room 109 where my dad taught his classes there only to those who were desirable in his eyes...which was everyone but me. But my inquisitive brain was in full control of my feet that took me straight to the elevator, and pressed the third floor button almost as if it had some macabre pleasure in seeing myself become jaded and disgustingly humiliated from the elective situations I sometimes put myself in involving my parents. It was obvious that I just didn't have that type of relationship with them...I just didn't have it.

The elevator doors opened to reveal a still expensively decorated hallway and classroom door. My stomach grew into knots as I tiptoed down the quiet hallway nervously sipping my iced coffee to it's ending. My throat became dry and hollow and my lungs grew bitter the more my eyes darted across the different classroom door numbers.

107, 106, 108...109. 

My lips became dry and chapped as my now pale skin grew more and more white as shivers sprinted inside of me. My hands literally shook from wanting to open the door to the large college classroom styled like an auditorium just to sit in and maybe listen to a lecture from which my dad had rehearsed specifically for the class. Sweat introduced itself into my forehead as I thought about the consequences if I were to be seen by him. The embarrassment that I cause him might make his class lose respect for him which would then make him furious with me, leading to him making my life more of a living hell.

I decided it wouldn't be that bad since the lecture hall was so big, that it would be a in a million of him spotting me. Maybe, I just could ponder on one or two words that incited percipience in me. I opened the door and took a seat at the top that was hard to spot from a below point of view. I finished my coffee and listened intently to the lecture dad was giving on science and humanity.

"The human heart is a vital organ in the body that gives us life..it allows us to run and walk and jump and survive even in the most tedious situations. But what about the heart of the mind? The one that allows us to feel, to think, to see not with our eyes...but with our perception?"

I was so invested into the conversation that I didn't even realize the worst....I had been spotted.

Dad's eyes, once full of insight and deep logic...now were glacial, passionless and aloof. I swallowed hard to lubricate my throat from the tense dryness I felt all until now. Should I leave?  I wondered turning away from the gelid professor. I stood up and walked out of the lecture, not even caring what anyone else thought. They were probably too focused on the 'world's best teacher.'

I exited the school and ran as fast as I could outside, to get lost in the day-to-day of downtown. 

Back at home, I entered the house barely making eye contact with anyone and hurrying myself up to my room and locking the door behind me. I didn't come until later when I was called downstairs in a callous voice.

I demurely opened the door, stepped outside in the cold wooded floor hallway and walked down the matching icy wooded steps. There dad was sitting...waiting for me with resentment deep inside his expression. 

"Hey dad, mom says dinner is almost ready," Kristopher interrupted to my gratefulness. "Thank you bud, I'll be right there." A completely different man! So warm and gentle and was completely placated in his temper. But he switched it off when his eyes darted towards me. I came closer and sat across from him, almost wanting to intimidate him. 

"Why were you in the college today?" He said quietly with a hiss to his words. His illiberal tone made me rethink my answer that was drowning in my paralyzed throat that was dead to speak. "I-I heard your speech....I mean....I wanted to hear your speech because it was so good and I had just come back from the library and- "

"Isn't studying your own topic enough for you?" My dad sneered bitterly. "What are you taking these classes for if you can't even have the passion to listen to them?" I blinked back tears and swallowed hard as to not choke out a sob. "I don't want you doing that ever...again. Understood?" Dad looked at me with abhor, building deep in his eyes the more his eyes stared deeply into mine. I nodded before retiring to my bedroom and missing dinner that was waiting for everyone downstairs. My stomach growled harshly as the only thing I had eaten was a brownie and an iced coffee for the past few hours.

But my intemperate bitter sadness nested itself around me, as I cried into my pillow, tears puncturing wrinkles and damp spots into the pillowcase. I sobbed loudly into my pillow, not allowing room for any shallow breaths to escape my lungs that were too busy spilling out bottled up fuming emotions to care. It wasn't until a soft knock on my door interrupted my emotional fest. I doddered over to the door, wiping my face careen hoping the red eyes would be seen as an allergy.

I cracked open the oak colored door to see the little girl with the pigtails and two chocolate chip cookies in her hand, anxiously waiting for the door to open to her invite. "Hey Kira, what are doing?" "You didn't come down for dinner, so I brought you these cookies so you wouldn't be hungry."

My heart stung with hope. Someone...someone cared after everything that went on today. I meekly opened the door and invited Kira in. I shared the other cookie with her maybe as a subliminal award for caring. And because, I was deeply grateful for her generosity. As much as I tried to hide it, the sweet 7 year old noticed my teary trails and my red burning eyes of sadness. "Why are you crying Kaitlin?" She had that innocent little lisp that foiled her from saying my name in it's clearness, but I fully understood what she meant.

I sniffled, chocking back a pathetic cry as to not let a 7 year old know every painful detail, detailing the atrocious events of tonight. "Katie's very sad because she had a bad day." To put it simply. Kira nuzzled herself over to me and hugged me tightly in her little arms. Her puny little body, filled a warm sensation of love that was describable in this moment. If I could pick her up and move her with me when I go, I would no doubt about it.

After everyone had retired themselves upstairs for leisure or sleep, I snuck downstairs to the kitchen where the leftovers were stored away and plopped a reasonable portion of meatloaf, mashed potatoes and asparagus onto my plate that I heated in the microwave oven for a measly 3 minutes. I had poured a glass of lemonade and made a neat napkin with a fork and then moved quicker than light upstairs with my dinner once it was finished. 

I ate silently in my room, concentrating on each bite that I collected with my fork and hungrily shoved into my mouth. Once my dinner was finished, I set aside my plate and got to work on some more assignments. The sky was a peach rose-colored that struck awe with me. The subliminal stars appeared in the sky as the day was soon about to hand it's shift over to a mystifying night that would have more of jovial breeze than the burning summer's eve. The weather shouted California as the summer gained more reign through the months.

I still admired the way the heat itched my skin, and the way the sun slapped it's sunny glow onto my face in the morning. It just felt so earthy and sweet, refreshing as I would say taking a walk into the woods where the sun played peek-a-boo behind the tall lanky trees and that ignited the gentle birds to tweet their song like melodies with such grace.

A prompt I had used for my writing assignment earned me a meritorious A+. I remembered the last time I had showed my parents an A+ I had received from a class, their reaction was that of a nonchalant wind blowing the green grass in the midday. "That's nice Kaitlin." Mom said with distance. "Nice." Dad had barely looked up from his cell phone. That was more important. "Had I offended them?"  My 6 year old mind thought. But no, that was just their initial reaction....their typical reaction.

I was used to giving myself pats on the back for a job well done or from a unwonted teacher who would praise me and give me a reward for my hard work. Usually it was those ones who showed up to my recitals, to my plays and to field day where I showed off any talent I had in those categories. I just focused on that. Not the reality of my parents shoving us all in the car to see the twin's soccer games, or Kylie's art shows or Kimberly's extracurricular college activities. I sniffled while writing the last sentence of my writing assignment. I sent it in and then logged out for the night, wanting to catch up on some well needed rest.

I woke up the smell of bacon cooking. My tummy growled as I thought about the sweet meal that was waiting downstairs. I knew I would never be apart of it, but nothing like that was going to faze me seeing at how I was only two assignments short from graduating. Everything was set, my money, empty boxes ready to be filled with every belonging I had ever owned in this room and a present for Kira. She needed it, after all....I wasn't ever coming back. Exhilaration climaxed through my body as my pins and needles tongue finally licked my lips to motivate them to open in a delighted open smile that flashed my deep dimples and my cherry sour lips.

Rent for an apartment was going to be no problem as I had already started creating my resume. All I needed was the degree that would set it all on track for me. I had saved some energy bars away in my desk and nibbled on them before grabbing my backpack filled with the most important books and raced downstairs. "Hey," I interrupted as the room fell silent. Not with grasping attention toward the speaker because of the importance of their words, but because of the murk hue that spoiled the family's breakfast. My siblings looked at me with confusion while my parents looked on with a sullen glower look. 

"Could I go to the library? I really need to study," As if they needed an explanation. Mom looked to dad, waiting for an answer. "Be back by 5....it's your brother's soccer match tonight." I nodded gratefully and escaped the house as they continued their lovely meal. In a feeling a nostalgia, I practically skipped to the library for the last time in a sense of studying. This was it...the moment I had been waiting for my entire life! My ticket to self freedom. Finally setting myself free from the sinkhole of my home. Or should I say current place of residence.

I hopped on the computer and completed the two assignments with such ease, that I wondered if I was really that lucky. The words; Congratulations Kaitlin! You have officially completed your course in creative writing. Your graduation date will be posted to your home page along with the expected arrival date of your diploma.

Tears...tears fell freely from my eyes looking back and fourth at the screen of my success. I celebrated with a coffee and trip to the store to buy myself a beautiful locket in remembrance of this day. 

As promised, I was home by five cautiously coming through the door, and wiping my sneakers off on the welcome mat as routine. My backpack tiredly slung over my shoulder tracing itself down to my elbow as I shut the rounded shaped blue door soundly to announce my punctual presence in the house. Confusion stabbed me as to why they would want an 'outcast' at the soccer game when they didn't even want me at the dinning room table?

I walked upstairs and changed clothing not realizing the house being suspiciously quiet. "Mom, dad? I'm home!" Those words cringed well with me. I checked everyone's bedrooms, but no one in sight. I called their cellphones, but no answer. I sat in my room, staring up at the ceiling in what to do next. The white colored plastered ceiling didn't give me any idea as to where everyone had gone. To the store maybe? 

Hours passed until the sound of the door unlocking grabbed my attention. I rushed to the stairwell to see the whole gang coming in with Kristopher and Kameron holding their trophies while being cheered on by everyone for a great game. It still didn't register with me that maybe the game started earlier and they didn't have time to call me? Or was that giving them too much of an inch? 

It was simple....they didn't want me there. 

It shouldn't have hurt by now as I already knew I wasn't part of the family, but that didn't stop me from racing back to my bedroom and crying my eyes out in my pillow again. There was no questions about it anymore....

It was time to go.

Part 2 will be posted soon!!!!!

[khamoise]

<< Before reconciliation. >>

(Adult ver.)

[pansexualnoodle5]

We’re only getting older, baby

And I’ve been thinking about it lately

Does it ever drive you crazy…

just how fast the night

changes?

[vicvaal]

The black siblings, heavily inspired by the Conan and Timothée fancasts

[themilkshanghai]

Delighted

[dark-elf-writes]

Harry with a desk next to his big brother’s where he vry seriously does his summer hw

Harry gossiping with the ghosts who are younger than his dad (?)

Harry having a basilisk Patronus

Harry saying the most god awful curses in Parseltongue under his breath and no one bug his fam knowing

Harry having so much fun screwing around with the Weasley twins and pranking people/inventing things

HARRY AND TOM SHARING A HOME OFFICE IM CRYING

Just

Harry: Psst Tom

Tom, looking up at the ceiling for a god that will not answer: Yes Harry?

Harry: How do you spell Herbology again?

Tom, taking a deep breath: Mother said I can’t kill you mother said I can’t kill you mother said—

Harry: :/ no I don’t think that’s how you spell it. I thought you were supposed to be smart.

*cue chase scene where the whole ass Minister tries to throttle his little brother*

—

I feel like they refer to Oro as every parental term in the book (or Harry does. Tom sticks to mother and father because he’s classy) and no one but the ghosts can figure out if they actually have two parents or not. At least but until oro finally gets his coils around Sakumo who is only referred to as “papa” or “my mother’s arm Candy” depending on who’s talking.

[becauseheartsgetbroken-hs]

The Styles ❤️

[avasversion]

DISCLAIMER: These are just my thoughts, if you like Kanye West I suggest you turn away now but if u don’t, do not take offence pls. I’m a swiftie and I will always have this kind of an opinion on Kanye.

I saw the clip of those Beyoncé fans heckling at Harry when he was accepting his Grammy for album of the year. Which on its own is just so fucked up, but when you think about it as a swiftie it makes it even worse. You could sort of tell in the video Harry was getting a little shaken by them but then Taylor stood up, surely understanding what he might’ve been feeling as she was in a similar situation at one point. What Taylor did was so big sister like and so kind. But I keep on thinking, what would have happened if we had a replay of the VMA’s ? I could just picture Kanye walking up to to the stage hell bent on establishing his opinion that no one asked for, snatching the mic and saying his typical “imma let you finish…” but before he can go on, Taylor marches onto the stage like a queen on a mission grabs the mic from Kanye (and we all know Kanye would be downright terrified of Taylor’s fury, exhibit A: her songwriting abilities) and hands it back to Harry who is so confused at this point. Taylor would grab Kanye’s arm and drag him off stage (because security would be too chicken to touch a famous person, no matter how many rules they break) and while they’re walking off stage she would say some boss bitch shit like, “no one asked for your opinion this time” or “can you stop traumatising people who can actually sing.” Poor Beyoncé would feel so bad even though she is a literal queen and did nothing wrong and would go on to make history that very same night. Now of course this is fictional, but could you imagine what a pop culture slay it would be ? Anyway, this is just thoughts my crazy mind cooked up instead of studying history.

[harolinastyles]

This is basically a little blurb/drabble inspired by the above pic. Hope you enjoy!

Title: Stitches

Author: @harolinastyles

Word count: 1105

"Ow, fuck!" My ears perk up at the obvious sound of my brother’s discomfort.

"You okay in there?" I chuckle, raising my head from the sofa.

"Fine!" He exclaims, peaking my interest even more. He'd squirrelled himself away in the dining room about a half hour ago.

"What are you doing?" I prop my head up on my elbows to get a better look at the door he'd firmly closed behind him.

"Nothing!" He snaps and if I didn't know any better I'd swear we were back in the 90s and any second now he'll come bounding out dressed as a dalmatian or in mum's bra to put on a "show". But it isn't the 90s and my baby brother’s performances are slightly larger scale these days.

In fact, just last night he'd played to another record breaking crowd and honestly I could've burst with pride watching him.

"Hey, shitebag!" I laugh as I remember his favourite sign from Edinburgh, "you need a hand?" I push myself up off the soft leather and make my way across the room to see what it is he's up to.

"Fuck off!" He laughs as my hand twists the handle and as soon as the door swings open he swivels to face me and stuffs some kind of fawn material under his leg. My eyebrows furrow as I take in the old cadbury roses tin that Mum keeps her sewing kit in, the contents sprawled over every surface of the wooden table.

"You didn't tear one of mum's favourite blouses or something, did you?"

"Course not." He scoffs but continues to try to hide whatever it is he's doing.

My eyebrow cocks of its own accord and I know it's a trait he also shares with me. Neither of us are particularly good at keeping our thoughts from showing on our faces. The older I get the more I see it as a positive though. Honesty is rarely the wrong choice in most circumstances.

"You know this'll go much faster if you let me help, right?" I smile as I hold out my hand for the item he's still uselessly trying to hide.

His eyes flick down to the table as I take the empty seat next to him.

"Don't laugh," he mumbles and I can't stop my eyes from widening as I take in what I can now see is a dressing gown. I bite my bottom lip to try and stop my grin from forming while I take in the wonky line that he's made with sewing thread. My fingers brush over the waffle fabric and my brows once again knit together as I can't find an obvious hole that he is trying to stitch.

"Uhm... what is it you're trying to do?"

"What do you mean?" He grabs the item of clothing back before adding, "it's a monogram, obviously."

I pinch my thigh to force the laugh, threatening to break free, back down into my chest.

"With sewing thread?"

"Is that wrong?" His cheeks turn pink and my heart swells as once again it feels like we're kids and he's asking for help with his homework.

"You need embroidery thread and needle. I sent Mum a kit for her birthday, stay there and I'll go find it," I grin.

"Thanks Gem." His wide grin is infectious and I'm sure I have a similar look as I rake the sideboard for the present I'd sent.

"You can tidy all that away," I point to the mess he's made of the table.

"So fucking bossy," he laughs but does as I ask. My fingers grip the item I'm looking for and I bring it to the table.

"Always so obedient," I pat him on the head and he takes the opportunity to tickle my ribs so we both end up in a fit of giggles.

"Whose initials?" I ask while I pull out tailor’s chalk, an embroidery needle and three choices of thread. "Red, blue or green?" I list the limited choices of the kit.

"Red," He says and I raise my eyebrows as he picks up the needle and jabs his finger with it before declaring it "much less dangerous."

"Whose initials?" I repeat when I realise he didn't answer.

"Mine, obviously. See, that’s the start of an H." His fingers point to his squiggle.

"Suuuure," I roll my eyes and he clutches his chest in mock hurt while I undo the stitches he's made.

"So why do you want a monogram on your robe?" I ask, feeling a little miffed that he didn't ask me for help in the first place. I mean this is a hobby I've become pretty decent at.

"A friend saw my robe in Edinburgh and really liked it so I got them one as a present but I - well, I want to make it more special - personal - so here we are," he sighs in resignation because he knows, pardon the pun, that I'm going to keep pulling on this little thread.

"A friend, huh?" I enquire while I show him how to thread the embroidery needle.

"Jude came to the show. I told you that," he mumbles while taking an exceptionally keen interest in the robe he now has in his hands.

"Jude?"

"Uh huh."

"The same Jude you've had a crush on since we were kids?"

"Have not!" He scoffs but the pink tinge on his cheeks and the way he avoids my gaze tells me otherwise.

"And you did not tell me they were in Edinburgh!"

"I'm sure I did," my brother says as he holds out the threaded needle so I can show him what to do.

"I'd remember that. And hang on, if this is a gift for Jude then why were you sewing your own initials?"

"Gem..." he sighs, wanting me to drop it but he knows me better than that. I won't stop now.

"Harry!" I repeat back and turn his head to look at me.

"Fine..." he lets out a puff of air before he continues, "because I want our robes to match, okay? Happy now?"

"Ecstatic!" I exclaim, "this is the sweetest idea, Harry. I love it and they'll love it too, you know that, right?" I elbow him as I demonstrate how to do a chain stitch.

"You think so?" He asks and I can't wipe the smile from my face because no matter how big and famous my little brother gets, I know the little boy who needs my help is still in there and bringing these two together is definitely something I can help with. Starting with these robes.

[maddykomtrikru]

i took that type form test

im sorry taylor, i just dont really listen to your country stuff

[gumballavocadoharry]

Estrangement (Future follow up) {Conclusion}:

My legs pressed together, fiddling with the little tract in my hands while engaging on every word of the eulogy being delivered by Kristopher. His words: fabricated with mawkishness to fit the public persona of who Dad portrayed himself to be. Maybe it was the element of melancholy that hastened through the room, that had stricken a slash of grief to trickle down my face.

Sandwiched between Angus and Matthew- who looked up at me to explain why so many people were crying. Victoria and Joshua also wondered the same thing: who was this man? And why was he so important? I pinched a small smile together through my little tears. I looked to Angus who held this straight controlled face. A reef which circled my father's face in the middle. Kristopher stepped down leading to a barrage of claps. Mom and Kimberly sat next to each other, holding hands with one of Kim's hands while the other stayed laced with her husband's Pete's. Piper looked around the room, making eye contact with my children several times. Mom's glances were steady between my family and the platform of the small stage. 

Kylie would sometimes give reassuring shoulder squeezes from behind me and Kira and Kameron partnered together in their seats only a few spaces from ours. Around us was the bog of professor friends and colleagues from the schools Dad taught at. Then the other half were the upscale friends of Mom and Dad: The Wint's, The Collymore's, The Verlice's and The Huxley's. All splattered together into this clique of families who wanted nothing but the best. I faintly remembered the Verlice's- they would come to the local country club and have friendly competitions with Mom and Dad. Mr. Verlice and Dad were fanatics with betting which one of their children would make the mark at the most prestigious universities they could think of. Mr. Verlice's son, Dalton had one over Kimberly when it came to his football against Kimberly's tennis records.

I remember Dalton's particular liking towards Kimberly; his blonde bangs swaying neatly over his eyes and the clean-cut presentation of himself made Dad and Mr. Verlice believe they could be another version of Mom and Dad. But Kim wasn't as interested in Dalton as she appeared.... I guess I wouldn't either if I found out his attraction was of someone of... his body type. Rumors spread all over once Dalton made his way around the college. Names of different guys popped all over, making Mr. Verlice into this hermit. He couldn't muster himself to call Dad or anyone else. He faded away, almost completely out of the earth until now, here at Dad's funereal. I made eye contact with him twice only to be rebuffed silently and glanced over with no expression- no smile... nothing.

After the funereal, we were all to attend the burial of Dad before the wake. The pallbearers held the long timber casket above them, marching to silent rhythm. The casket finally being set down onto the platform that would officially bury him underneath. The pastor preached occasionally glancing up from his bible to the ones who could stare at him while looking back to the casket. My bottom lip stayed bitten the whole time; untucking it only once I realized that there was a pinching pressure that was beginning. It seemed like all eyes were on my children- Mom not able to take her gaze off of the three even for a second. Three grandchildren she knew nothing about and who nothing about her either. Victoria, holding my hand closely, must've reminded mom of myself at that age. Quiet, curious, unsure of what to happen next. The casket was pulled into the ground; swallowed up by the core of the earth it seemed, leaving only this nadir shell of existence from Dad. 

Everyone faded slowly from their spots in front of the grave, disappearing into their cars. A westside community center that was specially reserved for Dad's wake was full of parked spaces. Angus circled around until we found this nicely hidden spot by a flurry tree that liked to sway its branches into the tips of the afternoon air. "Stay by Mommy and Daddy." I had bent down, gathering my children around me and instructing them. I ushered the children to a table where Angus volunteered to watch it, while the children and I gathered our plates at the buffet that was sprawled across the vary of tables. In the corner of my eye- Kimberly and Pete were chatting with Mom and Kristopher. Piper and Joshua locked eyes, exchanging smiles before she came over to us after unraveling her grip from Kimberly's hand. "What's your name?" 

"Joshua, but you can call me Josh- everyone else does.." "I'm Piper," the sweet girl stuck her hand out; Joshua shaking it while gathering a few more wings onto his plate. "Piper!" Kimberly's yell made me glance over in their direction. I gave a quick smile before gathering my children back to their father. Even Mom couldn't shake my hawk like protective watch from my kids. "It was nice to meet you, Piper. I'm Katlin, by the way." The little girl smiled, showcasing her piercing dimples just like her mother's. Piper was asked to come back to her mother- running off back to Kimberly who gave me a content look of thankfulness. Mom's eyes glanced between Kim and me- eyeing me, then my children, then Angus who was hugged at the table guarding it like a third world country would swoop by and snag him with it. I guided our way back to the table, where Angus was able to grab his food the counter.

Silence. Nothing but utter silence sat with us at the table while we ate our lunch. It felt like all eyes were on me even when my own bored into the empty plate in front of me. Scratching it with the nip of my fork which miffed Angus. "Kids, why don't you go and play with the other children?" His smile- fatherly and meek. Matthew guided his younger siblings with him out to the yard where Kim's daughter among the other little cousins and grandchildren of whomever were. Kylie seized the opportunity- taking a seat with us at the table. My eyes scanned her blueish aqua ones, wanting to know what was up her sleeve and what she possibly might've witnessed. After biting my lips; licking them thinly, I needed to say something- ask something, a question- anything that seemed to be gnawing at the panel of my brain. "How's mom?" I raised my eyebrow, shooting my glance down at the paper like table cloth. 

"Grieving..... Nana Anne and Grandpa Des are talking to her right now...." I looked over to see mom huddled in a corner, family rushing in and out consoling her. Flattening my lips, I turned back to Kylie, "I know- it all happened so fast..... how is she adjusting to everything else?...." I glanced towards outside where the kids where running around after a soccer ball- Kam's idea.

"Well..... it hit her all at once and.... she's.... really..." Kylie shot a quick glance towards Mom, "frozen." I bit my lip. I knew Kylie meant "offended" rather than a simple little nick of a description that couldn't even comprehend the concussion of turmoil that shattered her that night at the hospital once she realized four perfect secrets that were so neatly hidden from her and dad. Stalking heel clicks chirped loudly until I felt a heated shadowy mien around me. "Hey girls," Mom's voice, peddled through our table. Taking a seat in between me and Kylie, scanning us for what we were so tightly keeping between our glances. She cleared her throat before looking towards the outside where the flock of children played. She turned her look back to me and tattered on a smile, "How are the children holding up?" I stiffened up straighter and taller in my chair, "Well. They're doing well..." Mom shifted her lips towards one corner of her mouth. "So, Mom, how are doing?" 

"Oh, I'm steady right now.... I guess it just took everyone by surprise," Kira came over and took the last remaining chair at our table. "Hey sweetie," Kira smiled tacitly. "Tomorrow- I have to clean out the house of your father's things.... if you all want to come to see if there's anything that you may want for yourselves... I wouldn't mind." Silence slithered through the table once again. Mom's eyes seemed to stare through everyone- through the glass of their eyes and somehow into their thoughts that fumbled like bricks in their brain. Her eyes then shifted to me, attempting to bore into me like she would do when I was a child, except with this angry repelling stare. A look that now etched across her face in my mind- tempting to continue the stare showdown while also trying to mentally pull and shield myself from. I quickly jerked my expression to become stoic and stone like; her face flailing and shedding her desperate stares in between my sisters and me.  "Do Kam, Kris and Kim know?" Mom nodded, keeping her stare on me. "I'll come," Kira piped. I gave her a smile. Kylie gave a quiet smile and nod and soon all eyes turned to me again.

Mom's fingers etched towards my the fist of my right hand that were firmly on my lap. Yanking it to my face, clearing my throat and turning to mom; brashly with underlined emotion. "I'll see if I can stop by..."

"Will-" I raised an eyebrow. Mom gathered herself into my eyeline, "Will you bring the children?" I raised my eyebrows swiftly before glancing to Kira, then Kylie, then Angus, who I exchanged looks with longer. "Well.... Matthew and Joshua have school and Victoria has preschool." Mom's eyes became glossy- shifting around to stunt the peering tears. I gave her a small hand to shoulder touch. "I'll be there." I promised. I didn't know if it was the right thing for me... but I intended to keep that promise anyway. 

Leaving the wake was symbolic for me in some pondering way. The thick cool breeze of later afternoon swept the bold strands of my hair as I trudged myself closer and closer to my car; arms wrapped around me like the hug that I didn't believe I needed, especially from myself. Angus came shadowing next to me holding Tori in one arm and holding Josh's hand in the other. Matt scooted next to me latching his hand into mine while swinging and kicking. "Bye Matthew and Josh!" I turned around to see Piper, waving her hand while Kim was holding onto the other. "Bye Tori!" The children waved bye to each other before shuttling into the backseat of the mini van. I could feel eyes boring into me; latched into this grasp that picked through my spine. Turning and seeing Mom's piercing pained look coil around the view of our car. My kids and Kim's daughter were getting along just fine like they had always been together. Like they knew each other forever- since their birth. But they were still strangers. Just friendly strangers to this quicksand of chaos that their little minds couldn't yet entice.

Bitting the corner of my lip before plopping into the passenger's side and pulling out of the parking lot and then peeling onto the corner. The ride home was less dreary than the wake, but still somber. I guess you can expect that after a funeral but with everything that went on outside of Dad's death, there was nothing but mere dysfunction. My mind quivered over the promise of what was expected of me tomorrow. Cleaning out the childhood home of nightmares where emptiness was a cool hug compared to the rigid cold atmosphere that lurked even in the darkest of corners. The walls liked to suffocate me in them- thickening the air pent up in my lungs of wanting to scream or holler anything for help. But nothing. Only dew drop rays of light pecked in with Kira sitting on my bed listening to my feverish poems that even at her age, were too mature for her to realize, or Kylie teaching me to sketch my first simple stick figure. Kristopher with his soccer and Kameron with his basketball- both teaching me the art of sports and sportsmen ship.

Kimberly and I could only be so close. In her innocent good girl eyes, they longed for more; nights where she spilled the latest gossip about her crushes and her friends and times where manicures were some of the funniest moments I've ever had. But she was the pedestal. The pedestal of golden that Mom and Dad needed for everyone else. The parting line was tradition. 

"You alright?" Angus turned to me after turning the key once we pulled into our driveway. I nodded, "Can we-" I glanced through the overhead mirror before back to Angus, "Can we... talk inside?" I loudly whispered. Once the kids were in the house and downstairs enjoying their snack, me and Angus trailed upstairs into our bedroom. I took a deep breath and looked into his mellow washed blue eyes. Shaking my head, finally opening my mouth to speak. "Mom... wanted so badly to see the kids.... was I too harsh on her?" Angus was undoing his tie in the mirror, he shook his head, "No I don't think so.... the kids do have school and besides...." He came over to the side of the bed, "You can't ever trust someone like that- there's a reason why your parents weren't invited into our family." I nodded. "At the table, I told her I'd drop by and help her sort out Dad's things.... I don't know if that was a mistake," I looked away for a brief moment like I couldn't handle Angus's intense stare.

"It's like there's this invisible dower over me because I kept my life in the shadows... especially the kids. Dad only saw them once and Mom is probably angry because she...well... she always loved the idea of having a lot of grandchildren... deep down I know she hates me for it." Angus sucked in his bottom lip. "It was their mistake, not yours. You don't owe her anything and if she misses out on the kids growing up, then so be it... she had a daughter- you, and she didn't appreciate that... so.. there it is." Angus was right, I knew he was. But somehow, I had this gut instinct that I had somehow created another hole into this platonic layer. That maybe even I was surprised with. Every promise I made to myself at sixteen, nineteen, and now was evident. There was no turning back, I had promised. I would never call, or text, or visit. I would never announce my success, my newfound happiness in literature, my engagement, my marriage, the birth of my children, how Tori was a preemie, how Josh has been tested for ADHD, how Matthew had a lisp at one point, or how our suburban neighborhood was way more upscale than what they had imagined for us.

Nothing. Every milestone, every piece of life that I grabbed at the fringes and hugged together to shape who I wanted to become was nothing but exotic. 

For the first time in my life- my family saw me make a life standing commitment. Even I surprised myself with my endurance and how forgotten they had become once I fully threw it all behind me. Mom knew I was serious when I said 'goodbye' the last time I walked out of that house... and that's what it meant through all these years. Goodbye.

It was eleven in the morning when I arrived. The air had softened leaving behind a gentle glow of warmth from the sun. Listening the tatter sounds of my jeans rubbing against my legs was humming beat the further I strolled through the front door pathway to the porch. Kim's car was lined first, then Kam and Kris's on the street, Kira's was second parked in the driveway and Kylie's stood only a little behind mine further down the road, but not too far from the house.

Walking into the house, slapped me from head to toe with pinging memories. The house stood exactly the same as it did outside. Clean, crisp, fancy, elegant leaving you too stiff to touch anything. The kitchen where I read my books early in the morning while sipping tea was untouched. The dining room where isolation in the crowded room stabbed me from every corner. I wondered about my bedroom; walls still being the lavender purplish color with the white trimming. I grabbed my internal curiosity not sure if I could handle seeing the bleak room of draining graphic memories that would bring me into this unfocused despair.

Kimberly was asking Mom where she wanted some things and Kris and Kam were already bringing some things down from the attic. I glanced over to see the coffee table, stacked full of Dad's professor books. Even today, my fingers still felt wriggly to even so much as stare beyond the cover of the book. A cool shiver trickled down my spine, silvering the tip of my fingers. "Katlin," I looked up to see Mom- trailing down the stairs, eyes laser focused on me like I was this looming shadow that had somehow snuck into the house or like I had two heads and four bulging eyes that popped out from the sides of my face.  "I'm glad you're here!" I tapered my expression- not sure exactly what she meant. I scanned the living room only wanting traces of Mom through my peripheral vision. "The upstairs could use some help," I followed Mom up the stairs trying to swallow those thrusting memories of feet paddling up the same wooden steps after a fight or a Sunday drive in the country where I seemed to only fade in through one end and out the other.

Side-eyeing my empty bedroom; walls stained in a washed purple tone, dust bunnies tucked in corners neatly over to the side. The corner of my defuncted desk had this hollow echo- like nothing had changed and that the little spot was just a temporary empty that could easily be filled with something worth a replacement. Otherwise, everything in this bedroom stayed the same. Dead, but alive in some way- forever the same nineteen-year-old with big dreams and ambitions who wanted nothing more than to cast herself out of this house like a cannonball. But Mom needed me in her bedroom. She guided me into the small little office space that she would use sometimes to write checks or sort bills for Dad to see once he returned from work. She turned to me: "Katlin.... your father had these books that he would read whenever he wanted to find a formula for a lecture he would work on," She pulled out one of the books that had a particular color to it: navy blue with a washed-out silver tone to it. I reckoned it to be one of my first published books. 

"Your father had bought this one day at Barnes and Nobles and he just couldn't stop staring at it. I didn't know exactly what it was that he was interested in about it... until I saw your name." I swallowed. "It was one of the first books he's read from you, sweetie." My eyes couldn't stop examining the book. So crisp and new, like it had barely been touched. I looked further down the cover and seeing my signature- a signed copy. I blinked up to Mom again. "You want me to have it?" Tear brimmed across her eyes. She took a deep somber breath and rested her hand on her head. My eyebrows squinted wondering what exactly she wanted from me in this very moment. But maybe I already knew. "How could you? Keep this amazing secret from us all these years? Don't you think I would've deserved to know about those kids? - about how I wanted to be there for every birthday or even their births in the first place?! That was my precious moment that you so selfishly threw away all for pride.... Katlin.... was it really worth it?"

Katlin? Katlin? Katlin?

My eyes blinked awake. "Oh yes, I'm sorry," Mom sighed, "I wanted to show you that even though.... it wasn't perfect... your father did have his moments of pride..." 

"Or guilt," "What?" "I wrote that book based loosely off my experiences here... I know Dad... I know that despite everything he said about me... he still had his pride. He needed that book. He needed that book to show around to everyone like a trophy to prove he could make success and because he needed to etch out the truth behind these words. He was always one to hide behind his own image... if he did read it... then.... that's what it would be for." Bitting my tongue, not believing for a minute how much I said in so little words. Mom seemed to fade into my eyes. 

"Whatever you have to say.... say it. Dad's gone... you know... everything that went on in this house... don't believe for one second that you couldn't understand what was coming. I was persistent in my achievements... you knew I had everything I needed to walk away." Tears trickled through the creased cheeks of Mom. Her eyes become blurry to me maybe from my own wallows. "I-I," She dropped. Box slamming and spilling out all the books to sprawl across the floor. "I'm sorry.... I'm so sorry!" Sniffling and whimpering like a scared little child, "I don't know.... I don't know why I did it... I-" Heaving breaths took control. I crotched down to Mom's level and just looked into her wet eyes. She grabbed my shoulders, "Katlin... I was a bad mother- I won't deny it. I can't change what happened and.... that does beat me up every day. But I can be there now... I can make the choice now-"

"For me or for Tori and Joshua and Matthew and Angus?" She nodded, "For all of you." I shook my head, "But you're my mother. Tell me- is it for me or for the chance to have what you don't deserve?" A crack chipped in her voice, "Both."  I shook my head, biting my lip. "You can't... you can't take either one.... I can't let you take either one."  Mom stared at me with gasping eyes of bleeding pleads. Not being able to attach herself to something she didn't own ate into her like a core of an apple. Dying with grief- standing to her own feet again, this time with an unforgiving blanched look of hopeless. "I can't lose you Katlin..." Her voice frayed and demised. I turned to her- shooting an up and down look, "You didn't lose me.... we just simply never existed."

The clicks of my boots were the only echos that were traced through the downstairs. All eyes were met with me; up and down looks swimming around me in the same tone I used with Mom. They knew. I didn't know if they were listening or if my voice was loud or if some fiber in their being could just sense this engrossing feeling of tension that was introduced in this same living room from the time our eyes met just pounded through them like a loud heartbeat. "Katlin..." Kira's little voice seemed to me like the same one I would hear as a teenager when she would curl up into my bed and watch me flicker through my book of poems. I shook my head, flaring it off with my hand. "What happened?" Kim spoke. "Mom.... well... she wanted me to help with some of Dad's old books and I guess I assumed that she wanted me to keep some of them,"

I took a deep breath, "But, instead she showed me that he had bought one of my first books and kept it, which led to her asking me about..." I finally met eyes with everyone. "I don't know... maybe since she's grieving- it.... that must be it." Kylie arched an eyebrow. Somehow without ushering me physically, I sat down across from her. She took a deep breath and looked to Kimberly. Then eventually we all did. Kim had her gaze solid on her lap, scratching the fabric of her jeans. Licking her lips, she finally met everyone's gaze. Their leader. My answers were led with Kimberly. "Growing up.... Mom and Dad- as you all know- had conditions. And being the firstborn of their children, they needed compile a bunch of expectations to me for success,"

"I was perfect in their eyes. I played tennis, I got excellent grades, went to the best college, dated the most promising guy of approval and did everything their way. But it didn't mean anything... my life was never my own- only an object of Mom and Dad," Tears welled in her eyes leading to sniffles and red washed eyes, "I always wanted to just be normal- go crazy and become a tennis player of my own sort. And I tried so hard to bond with you Katlin- to apart of your world because... it was so fascinating. It brought life into everything... but I couldn't.... they wouldn't let me. You were born and they of course sculpted this image of everything you were supposed to be to them... but you weren't. You rebelled- forged your hobby of writing and grew into this amazing artistic person who I could only dream of becoming. Refusing to walk the parting line, Mom and Dad abused you- keeping me and everyone else at this distance from you because they hated your strength. Standing up for yourself in this family with these types of parents was the strongest thing I've seen and they hated it. Hated you for it. But we loved you. Anytime I spent with you encouraged me to just try to break out for the sake of who I was and become the actual Kimberly that I kept hidden... but I couldn't. Of course I wasn't forced to do any of this... but... you know how they are." Kimberly set her gaze against the leg of couch.

"Today... I love Piper... but I'm married to success, became success and became everything I was programmed to be and nothing else. Nothing more, nothing less." A scorn left her throat. But a weight had hefted from her presence.

Kylie finished where Kim left off. "We all had our hobbies: my painting, the twin's sports, Kira's poems... but none of those things would've mattered if Mom and Dad's pleasures weren't first. At the start of middle school- pretending to like astrology and 'study' it was the only way an art wall could be planted in my room."

"I know, I had to pretend to study medicine which became a part of my fate today," Said Kris. "Mathematics for me," Kam chimed, "I got the best job of following in Dad's footsteps of being the most prestigious professor in the country!" Kim sarcastically said.

Kira was now the focus. She took a deep breath and spoke. "Science," She bit her lip, "They knew how close we were...." A heavy breath cave in through Kira's little voice, "They were really hard on me- maybe not in the same way, but I guess they were trying to find a replacement for the prodigal daughter." Tears became my vision. My poor youngest sister suffered for love. Everyone did. "Katlin... you will always be the brightest one in this family... you stayed true to yourself and walked away to something better. We followed after you," Another heavy breath shifted, "I wish I had the guts you did. I'll never forget the day you moved out... we couldn't bare to see you leave, but saying goodbye was defining. The war was over for you and you never looked back."

"We're so proud of you, Katlin... don't ever let Mom say otherwise." Kim tussled me into a hug, soaking her damp face in my hair. Kris's eyes held tears. "You're not a black sheep to us... you're an angel." He clanged behind me, then Kam, then Kylie, then Kira. Finally breaking and sobbing into this warmth of my siblings that I didn't have to hide from anymore. Sniffles spread through the room. Mom skirted halfway down the stairs, stopping and just eyeing everyone piled into the group hug. Her looking with the same shadow of distance that I bestowed me at ten, then thirteen, fifthteen, nineteen and twenty. 

Not anymore. Not ever again could I separate myself the truth that hid behind the mask of dysfunction.

Six-o-clock rolled around. The house was cleared, empty and lifeless. Quick parting routine hugs and kisses were bestowed upon Mom, but nothing more. "Thank you all so much for helping me..." Her voice emitting pitiful mourns. "I love you all so much." The room was silent and dark until we silently agreed to bush her with the same the words: "Love you too."

Leaving with new contacts in my phone was the best feeling. Even more than the cool spring breeze of the evening. "Will Mom be okay?" Kira whispered, "Of course, she's got Dad's survivor benefits." Kam shot back. Not at Kira exactly, but at Mom. I looked back to see her staring through the doorway of the now lifeless broken house that she had so blissfully inherited. Fumbling my pocket for the car keys, Kim came up and hugged me tightly. "You still inspire me Kate...." pulling away and looking into my eyes, "Don't forget that." A sweet smile sprouted through her face. "I won't." I managed to say. Kam's car honked as he drove by before turning the corner. Soon everyone's car but mine had pulled away into the night. I took one last look at the house and Mom before pulling out and driving away.

A fresh breath finally choked out. Happy tears drizzled and new chapters arose. Closure found me, wrapped in it's arms and spoke in my face to say: "I'm Katlin Styles."

And I was. To my very own self. Finally turning the corner and pulling into my home where the house probably smelled of delivery fresh pizza, cookies, paint and whatever else Angus had set out for the kids. Sitting in the driveway and taking in the essence of my messy perfectness was everything I ever needed.

More so, everything I ever wanted. Something to my life, my future and myself.

Yes. My very own Katlin Styles. 

Taking a deep breath, locking the car door and finally stepping inside the house. Angus looked at me, seeing the awe that maybe didn't exist until now. "You okay?" His voice, mellow and soft.

I smiled, scanning the house for everything- the kids, the dirty laundry that seemed to overflow in the hamper, the two open pizza boxes that one of them carried still a full a pizza in and the flickering Tv. Looking back to Angus- smiling loudly and hopeful.

"I'm fine," I nodded, still smiling, 

"I'm fine."

So this is the final chapter of the Estrangement series!!! I hope you enjoyed this series and I hope that it touched you in more ways possible!!!

[invisiblevoyager]

As the older sister who moved out, sometimes I feel like a divorced parent missing out on all the milestones

[meepmoopdraws2]

Harry Styles is doing his residency in LA rn at the Forum so this is my headcanon

[caahcarstairs]

This boy needed someone to love him. And she could do that. That would be a very easy thing for her to do.

“I will love you,” June told him. And she did.

[behindthesefangirleyes]

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