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rivangel · 2 years

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Canal pt.3: Appearances Don't Make the Man

work summary » You think the greatest feat of your career is upon you when a mythical creature is stolen from the sea and thrust into your life—then, stubbornly, into your heart.

You both learn there is more to each other than circumstances, and appearances, let on—until an accident threatens to tear you apart. Soon, both of your fates depend on defending everything you’ve worked to build, or setting him free.

ch.summary: When an obstacle between you and your research pries you both apart, you muster up the guts to do the unthinkable (for you, at least). In the end, however, you and Levi are committed.

content/warnings: hurt/comfort, Erwin is up to no good, descriptions of anxiety, mer!Levi is so cute (the cutest), overcoming obstacles, the power of friendship, brief+vague reference to suicidal ideation, confronting feelings

wc: ~12.1k

a/n: FINALLY IM BACK!!

this chapter is l o o ng.. and i am, in general, a huge editing hater. it takes so much more work n time than writing for me. however i AM happy with this chapter. maybe i can prioritize and finish this fic in july😭

happy may 56th or whatever😔

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Erwin’s jaw visibly tightened. “I have to disagree.”

You knew he’d say that. “Even though it was a complete accident? One that I won’t allow to be repeated?”

In his spacious officespace, which housed more bookshelves than space , he stood at ease in front of his desk, expression neutral to the point of unnerving.

“Even if you could guarantee that… It’s out of my hands. If an incident, especially a life-threatening incident occurs, that researcher is barred from that project—and not for anyone’s safety but said researcher.”

“I’m not in danger, Erwin, that’s my point.”

“No,” he replied evenly. “You aren’t.”

You never were in the first place. It was no more Levi’s fault than the beachball you had dug out of storage for him—to play around with as he pleased during some downtime.

For long enough to even tire himself out, he had been content to bounce it back over to you on the pool’s edge, you bounding from one spot to another to keep up. It had obviously been a point of pride for him to hit it back as hard as possible, but he meant no harm. The trouble only came when you joined him among the waves.

You had wanted to (besides the fact you thought he had a complex about your lack of fins). And, part of you had been sure he missed having a companion to swim with.

So, in proper scuba gear (you also pointed out to Erwin) you had done just that.

Appearance-wise, the facility’s beach balls were painfully average. Only, they were weighted so that a force as strong as a thwack of Levi’s tail wouldn’t pop it, or send it whirling into outer space.

Stupid accident. Ridiculous, even.

You knew that Levi didn’t mean to, he hadn’t known that such a rough pop of the ball underwater at your back would knock your air canister that severely.

Maybe even… (you didn’t tell Erwin that you weren’t sure) that humans were so inferior to merpeople; people couldn’t hold their breath for more than minutes at a time, even if they were trained. He could have (and had) counted on one hand how many humans he had personally come into some sort of surface-level contact with during his lifetime.

Warm saltwater had rushed into your suit through the broken valve. Worse, vision had not been on your side near the pool’s cement bottom, the pressure overwhelming.

Levi wasn’t even anywhere near you at the time: he had swum off to fetch the ball which had bounced off you. Contrary to everything he portrays about himself, he’s so playful.

Absorbed in his own world, he hadn’t noticed the rapid stream of bubbles surging out of the seams of your helmet, nor your rapid ascent up towards the surface.

After you tore off your helmet, but before you had broken the surface of the water, the pressure squeezing your lungs had been overwhelming, like a cage of bricks crushing your chest from the inside.

You remembered staring upwards through violently stinging eyes, unable to resist your body’s instinct to cough, the water fighting your heavy limbs—before a force had caught your back.

You had torn through the water’s wavy surface in a heartbeat, but the sweet air hadn’t been yours yet; your chest was too busy wracking to make room for it.

The world had never gone blacked out completely, not once, just… the ringing in your ears phased in and out, not allowing you to hear Levi. You still didn't know what he was trying to tell you. At the time all you could do had been hunch over the cement edge and retch. Tears of exertion streamed down your cheeks.

Levi’s arm had been steadfast around your waist, with his rough bark by your ear—“Stop drowning! You’re out of the water now, so fucking breathe!”

Not helpful. So you had taken his fist and slammed it against your diaphragm. You couldn’t cough with your lungs full of water.

He had then followed your example with his head shoved over your shoulder, watching your face. You assumed in case it turned blue.

The pool had cameras, of course. Armin had rushed down.

Levi was with you the whole time until he physically couldn’t be anymore, because Armin all but wheeled you on a gurney to Sector 1 to be looked over.

Armin couldn’t have been dissuaded. Even though part of you had known you needed some help, you had also known what dark avenues an official report would have opened up. Cue your current predicament.

Being mandated three days off wasn’t even as bad as not seeing Levi— Am I ever going to see him again?—afterwards to reassure him of what had happened.

Now this lecture from Erwin. You weren’t finished , dammit.

You paced and paced back and forth from your officespace window to the door. It overlooked a lonely, rocky shore. Moonlight shines off the water. The only sign of civilization was the dock, the dock Dad had built that his lonelier houseboat was attached to.

If he could see you now.

You rubbed your temples. Can't think about that.

Matters weren’t ever just… out of Erwin’s hands. There was always a string for him to pull, always a person in his favor.

So the next question begged: how could he tell that your… partnership, with Levi had grown too personal?

On principle, perhaps. You never got attached to your projects, period, and without taking that into account, what about how much time and energy you had been giving Levi?—Erwin had known your father personally, he knew this was important to you.

He had pointed out, back then: “You and Dr. Zöe are the only ones that call it ‘he’. Did you notice?”

Appearances don’t make the man.

Erwin had agreed off the bat that there was more to Levi. So what type of research was Erwin going for?—Information on others like Levi? Fame?

You sighed to yourself, hurt and heavy. Despite how well you knew him, you couldn’t be 1 00% certain. It had to be for some selfish gain, but. You couldn’t rationalize it right now, it wasn’t making sense, and it was stressing the hell out of you.

Even the lack of hearing Levi’s filthy mouth was beginning to hurt.

You’re being dramatic, you told yourself.

What about the data? Was Hange taking good care of him?

A short cough twinged the bruises on your sternum, which you absentmindedly held while you pace.

Then you stopped. Hange.

After you, Hange had been the next best supervisor to overlook a project like Levi.

Even though large sea creatures were the sheer opposite of their specialty, they had a decade of experience, you more than vouched for them (when it was clear you couldn't convince Erwin), and they were the most brilliant mind at the facility. And the surface-level knowledge of your research didn't hurt, either.

A glance out the window. The waxed moon was crawling up the sky. Calling this late meant you two would have time to talk candidly.

For the past week you had been calling each other concerning updates during the workday, but they were restricted from filling you in on the… important things, since these calls happened through their work phone. These calls were procedure, since it used to be your position.

You hadn’t reached out personally, not after their accusation about—being in love . So strange when you couldn’t pinpoint your feelings about your lunch half the time. And when Levi was not… a person, for godsakes.

But they would help. Maybe.

You stared at the clear white numbers dialed into your phone, steadying your nerves by curling a hand into a fist.

They had agreed with you, back then after looking over your data, that there was more to Levi than, “I could’ve ever imagined in a, an octillion years!”

Around the dining table in Dad’s old houseboat, you remembered the exact face of pure glee peering up at you from stack upon stack of (your once organized) paperwork, spilled all around the oak like a folding fan.

The fact they had been chosen was the reason you hadn’t fought Erwin even harder on this. You could have demanded to appeal to the board, you could have sued, maybe. You could have done all manner of things that risked your livelihood, but you didn’t.

The more apprehensive part of yourself had convinced the stubborn part that it wasn’t necessary—that be it as it may, your father’s research would be for something, just, partly, not because of you. You had turned away from the gut feeling that whined that it wasn’t enough.

Now, it was shouting at you.

You pressed the call button.

The static feedback when they first picked up was accompanied by the whirring of a microwave in the background. They were at home. Good.

“Hi.” You cleared your throat. “How’re you?”

They snorted a little down the other line. “Howdy! You finally wanna hear about Levi, I’m guessing? Off the record?”

You pouted a little. “No… I mean yes, but you’re not just… my spy,” you said meekly.

“I know, I know! I’m just teasing you.”

Once the smalltalk had passed you by—the most notable tidbit that Mike had bought a lighter with a pink flamingo on it—you did ask Hange about Levi. You couldn’t overstate how much he concerned you, not that you didn't trust Hange, but this was important . You had told him before, you couldn’t promise that another researcher would share your treatment, though Hange came close.

“He hasn’t talked to me,” they complained, almost whining. “Like, not even to insult me or anything! I thought that was his thing.”

You couldn’t help it, a laugh escaped you.

“First time I met him—”

“Don't tell me you went about prodding and touching him, please. Personal space is important to him.”

“I didn't know that!” They stammered for a positive. "He let Nifa trim his nails!”

“Oh.” Your brows lift. “Did that… go well?”

“He didn’t bite me, at least... But I think he picks at them when he's nervous.” They clear their throat. “Alright!—So, uh, bad news time.”

“Hm. Shoot,” you replied. You kept your voice as toneless as possible, but you still frowned, stooped heavily over your desk.

You had been taking notes. Stubborn to a fault, even a complete dismissal from duty wouldn’t have kept you from your work.

“They—” they falter. “Well, besides the fact that Levi appears to be sick—”

Your eyes bulged. “Besides that?”

“—lethargic, not eating—”

“Not even his seaweed snacks?”

“Not even seaweed! And I still haven’t found a cause. It appears to be something of a cold, so that hasn’t been my main concern,” they explained. “As I was saying, I had to follow through with complaints from your staff.”

“Crap.”

“That deserves worse than crap, I think.”

Your eyes closed briefly. Impatient. “Go on?”

“They found it too hard to work with him, taking him back to the pool almost every night. He refused to cooperate. And so it was back to the tank... I’m sorry, dear.”

Your heart physically panged. Your mind blanked, violently washed away by one single priority—

What was logic? It didn’t matter, not at that moment.

They can’t do that! you thought (like a spoiled brat), even though they most certainly could if Levi wasn’t cooperating.

“You let them…?” you asked, stricken.

They speak your name reverently. “Admittedly… I was scared of screwing this up. Levi hates everyone but you, and even then, I can’t match up to your standards, you know that.”

You pushed down the burst pride that glowed in your blood from part of that explanation. “If he hated you, you'd know. And, my standards are kind of impossible for me to match up to, to be fair.”

“Ha. Well.” A sigh was heard down the line. “I don’t know how to get Levi to cooperate like you, and, with the threats to the staff’s safety… I made the best choice I knew how. I can tell I screwed it up worse, which means, dear: I need you a helluva lot more than you need me, honestly!”

“We need to do something,” you replied, blushing. Your feet kick into action. Are you pacing again?—Who cares? “Hange, listen to me.”

They were quick to shoot back a reply. “We appeal to Erwin, as a friend. Is that what you were gonna say?”

Yes. It wasn't as if he was a maniacal dictator, just that he did have the resolve to do just about anything, no matter the resources. And he was a stubborn bastard. He was no stickler for the rules, at heart; rather he tended to work around them.

“That’s our best shot to stay on the legal side of things.” Then you paused, running a few hundred more possibilities through your mind. “Yeah. He’s stubborn, but not impossible... I wonder what he wants.”

“Well—”

“Oh, crap.” How could you forget? “Th-Thank you, Hange, you’re amazing. Thank you,” you told them in a flurry, followed quickly by a rush of embarrassment. “Um, go on.”

A chuckle. “ Okay. Okay, so first of all, we don't know what he wants. More importantly right now, I would like to know your intentions with this before you go forward with anything. We might have to break the law to start off with, so a goal would be helpful.”

Intentions? Goal?

“To, um—” you blinked in a flurry. “Wow, this is uh, personal.”

You could practically see the question marks pop up above Hange’s head. “Is it?”

They sounded so coy.

“It’s Levi,” you stated, like it made obvious sense. “I’m studying him. For Dad.”

“Yes, well, technically, he still is being studied. I know you want no one’s hands on that research but you, but dude —”

You gritted your teeth. “Hans.”

“You’re talking like the world is ending, first of all, and going against the rules !?” They sounded positively scandalized. “Who are you and what did you do with my best friend?”

You quieted. Even your pacing ceased. Your heart felt like it was falling upwards.

You parted your lips, stammered, then shut them. What do you say?

Levi was the most amazing creature you had ever had the privilege of studying— you , out of everyone in the wide world. He was interesting, and interested in you. Scary, but… safe, in a way. Aloof, like you. Fantastic. Incredible, too.

And you could make your dad proud. Awards. The rest.

Those blips of light shining in a pond. And yet… they failed to compare to the sea of feelings you had felt unraveling inside you for the past months.

And now that it was in danger of… going extinct—

You planted your phone to your chest so you could take a deep, steadying breath. What did you tell Levi back then?

“My intentions are selfish.”

“Finally. That’s the spirit,” they said warmly.

You tried to compromise. “But, it’s not like I wanna hang him on my wall. He just… deserves better.” Put simply. “I’m not a bad person.”

“I didn’t say you were, dear.”

You worked the inside of your cheek with your teeth. “Okay. Thanks. Do you have time to work up a plan with me?”

“Right now?”

“Mhm.”

“Oh shit! My fries! Okay!” Something metallic—the microwave door?—sounds like it opens. “Let’s do it.”

Even each breath through your nose was careful, calm, and calculated. It was approaching the dead of night, but that was impossible to have the faintest inkling of due to the bright fluorescents in the ceiling. The floor, much to your chagrin (for once), was so clean it squeaked with every footfall.

Your steps were especially measured until you came to a robotic stop before the fortress of a door that led into the canal. You peered up and to your right, at the dark, circular camera attached to the ceiling corner.

You had more than Hange to thank for helping you. The price of Eren’s cooperation had been a promotion (and blunts. Thank you, Hange.) , which a person of your repute was easily qualified to give. Other than those two, no one knew, not even Levi.

It took some finicking with the security mainframe’s code, but it was possible to open the canal up remotely—even if it was entirely against regulations.

One hearty click and several restless moments of low whirring later, the door lifted from the wall on its heavy hinges. Also like a robot, you took the handle and crept inside.

Now that you were properly in , you could get swept away by different, less pressing issues than getting caught.

Levi. What did he think happened to you?—That you abandoned him entirely after the accident? You hoped he had taken you on your word, but after his reaction the first time you weren’t present for an experiment, well.

You hoped he didn’t blame himself.

His room had been moved to the very rear of this area of Sector 3, but his container was the same. You got a glimpse at its eyeglass shape when squinting in through the blinds, and then you saw him .

The casing was closed, of course. Somehow having heard you, his squinty eyes below trimmed black bangs was as much as you were given.

Still. No way he saw you. This type of glass was one-way, the sort you found everywhere in police stations.

You rifled through your choice of words in a heartbeat, because you knew it was painful for him to lean up like that with his wrists pinned down.

After a (unnecessary) cursory look left and right, you jammed the key Hange personally copied for you and let yourself in, daring the door to whine.

A pair of grey eyes widened almost comically to see you, bringing out every blue in them. His lips parted, shut, his jaw stuttered, and then he finally lowered himself back down.

I’m sorry for leaving you , you thought. Saying it out loud was harder.

You slid the door shut at a volume softer than silence, then the blinds. As a precaution, you also eyed the cart tucked against the wall—full of various protective equipment—and rolled that in front of the door as well.

Only then did you approach.

He continued to watch you over his shoulder, blinking like you were nothing but a hallucination while you made him more comfortable at the console: spreading the container’s size, making the restraints shoot open, and finally, lifting the dome itself.

Once it popped free, a stream of steam waterfalled over the container’s rim.

Ironic, now your feet were frozen in place. He was the one who moved first, harshly disturbing the water. A soft chirp cracked open the air.

“Hi,” you breathed.

Up in a proper sit, he braced his shoulder as he stretched, the cringe evident on his face. Even still, he had always kept a habit of watching you.

Your more clinical mind was already humming, scanning his appearance for anything visibly off. His biceps and belly muscles were a little smaller—a consequence of his total lack of swimming—and as Hange had said, he seemed sick. The dark circles beneath his eyes contrasted sharply with his pale skin.

He didn’t reply. Instead, his thin brows sunk into a glare.

“Hi, Levi,” you said properly this time. You ambled off the platform to his side.

Levi didn’t know what it meant to cower. His back was straight facing you, glaring, but he didn’t seem resentful. More… tortured .

“You came back,” he mutters, tone flat despite the slew of emotions in his eyes. That wrinkle between his thin brow becomes more evident when he furrows them. “You smell scared.”

“That’s reassuring,” you retorted.

He grunted in kind, looking down. His fingers, whose nails were significantly shorter, tapped the side.

“I’m…” You needed the short explanation for now. “I don’t plan on leaving again. It was taken out of my hands for a while, that’s… all.”

You just failed to mention the toll all this had taken on you. Maybe he can smell it, anyway.

“Then…” His tail waved gently, betraying the frown on his face. “Hello.”

You smiled, this time with abandon. “Hi.”

“You said that already,” he replied, then glanced downward with a deeper drown. “Why’re you scared?”

Shocked, you took your hand, and pressed your lips. Was this shame you felt?

“You’re not supposed to be here, right? If you choose to be dishonest coming back, you should be honest to me,” he told you, voice thin.

Rationalizing your feelings, and by extension your actions, had always been a walk in the park. It made the messy part, the emotions themselves, easier to work through.

Like Levi, you both seem to struggle in showing them like normal… people.

“I’m not used to breaking the rules,” you told him under your breath.

His tired eyes blinked at you, long and slow. You needed a change of subject. Now.

You dug in your satchel for a carrying case.

“Hange told me you haven’t been feeling well. So take these.” You hold out the chalky white tablets in your palm “They should remedy your symptoms some.”

His lips pressed, glaring at them with distrust. “Fucking drugs?”

“Look at it this way: they’ll give you some more strength to feel better. Plus, they’ve been tested. This isn’t a gamble.”

He eyed them. Your arm was growing achy before he flipped his hand for you to dump them in his wet palm—

—only for him to grab that hand with his other. It wasn’t a strange thing by itself for him, but he was really squeezing, so much that your joined hands began to wobble.

You winced, mouth agape. “What’re you doing?”

His ears flicked as his eyes shot up from your hands. He looked at you like you were stupid. “How else do you stop a moving thing?”

“That’s not how that works.”

You laughed despite yourself; he was being cute. As you brought your other hand down so his was sandwiched between both of yours, he scoffed a little.

Quietly, “How it work, then?”

You thought it over, including Levi’s mysterious illness, which began two days following your disappearance. While you had been in charge of him, he had never shown the slightest inkling of any sickness.

“How does your illness work?” you ask.

This quieted him. Mental illness, even something as acute as stress, or mourning, usually presented itself in many ways.

They’re not perfectly comparable, but dolphins came down with similar symptoms after the loss of another dolphin. The sudden change in routine for him must’ve been what did it, after he came to rely on you some.

Abruptly, he pulled his hand out from between yours, snuffling. He worked his hand into a small fist, stretching it so the small blue cartilage binding his fingers at the base were visible.

You cleared your throat. When he looked at you, your eyes went to the water. “Those are easier to take with some water.”

Brows quirked, he gave an amused little warble before sliding down the back wall of the glass and dunking under the water.

Not what you had in mind, but good.

You had time to enjoy this. Hange and you had planned on these meetings lasting more than one night while they negotiated with Erwin on letting you return to studying Levi—only this time, together. A compromise you were pleased with.

Once Levi improved physically and attitude-wise (a begging edge appeared in your tone when you noted an improvement to his relationship with Hange, too), those doors of compromise would unlock.

A soft-hearted rule-follower (to a fault) like yourself doing this, it had been unthinkable two days ago. But, Hange has a way of making you brave, and you were stubborn as well. And —though you kept silent on this point—Levi was worth the risks that fell on you.

He cocked his head at the tail-end of your explanation, head slightly tilted. Admiration… maybe?

As he listened, one of your earrings was tossed up and down in one hand. It was Christmas-themed, and Levi’s favorite out of your variety, even though the earring itself was nothing more than a tinkling green bell attached to a small hook.

(The other was colored red, which Levi disliked. His favorite color, you had learned after arduous questioning one evening, was white. Whenever you had told him yours, he clicked his tongue in approval, which… stuck in your mind often.)

While you spoke, you sat across the room on your stool, sorting out the filing cabinets. Wherever Hange went, a whirlwind of disorganization followed them.

“Do you have any—” Objections? Complaints? “—worries?” you asked.

He floats on his back, staring up at the paneled ceiling. Through the glass, his profile is clear; you get a sudden urge to take a photo of him—for no clinical reason.

“No. And stop staring.”

Heat takes over your face. “I was just waiting on your answer.”

“You smell embarrassed.”

You roll your eyes with a small pout. It wasn’t like him to find nothing to complain about; you ask him to elaborate.

“Acting like Glasses isn’t creepy is shitty, but there are shittier things to be worried about.” He stops tossing the earring, and plants it on his chest, which rises and falls slowly. “No matter what you choose to do, my… moving would be the worst-case scenario for me.

“So no. Don’t worry about me. This is all my fault and you’re going through some worthless trouble, but… that’s your choice.”

That was the first time he brought that up.

Despite what he just told you, your eyes remain transfixed on his profile, the crisp files parted in your hands. The loudest sound between you is the gentle swish of his tail.

It was easy to forget how helpless Levi’s position was from his perspective because of his uncaring attitude. You hoped he cared what happened to him, in the end.

With a reserved hum, you decided to carry on.

When it became late enough to be considered early morning, you took his vitals and made sure he was comfortable.

You were thorough despite your foggy mind. This type of sleep schedule was a bad routine, but coffee helped.

“You look tired,” he mumbled.

Your lips pressed, smiling. “Do I smell tired, too?”

His nose wrinkled up.

“Okay, I’m gonna get going.” You pushed off from his tank, your finger doodling mindless shapes around the switch that will shut the dome top. That earring felt… weighted in your pocket, in an invisible way.

Levi watched you for a beat or two, crossed his arms. “Hurry up, then.”

You nodded at his tail. “Yeah. Yup.”

Several more beats passed, your finger still stubbornly not moving over the button despite your mind commanding it to. You couldn’t not.

You counted down from five, but you still couldn’t bring yourself. You were rendered just as frozen as you were when you arrived—and why?

You glanced at him, only for him to look away. Did he feel similarly?

Nausea rolled through your stomach to imagine Levi feeling physically sick because of you.

This was your fault. You should've fought Erwin harder.

A confused warble rumbles in the top of his throat. “What’re you waiting for?”

“I…” Your tongue darted out to wet your lips. You didn’t know, yourself. “I am leaving.”

“Then I’m seeing things. Clearly you’re not.”

He climbed up onto his elbows, and, watching you as he reached, plopped his damp hand down on top of yours again.

His eyes softened. “Don’t be weak, you’re strong. I’m not going anywhere.”

You bit your tongue. “I know.”

Then you lowered yourself back down on your stool. Suddenly, his face was mere inches away from yours. “But I will be.”

“Where… do you go?”

“Home,” you sighed. “Meaning, I drive a car to get to this building.”

“Metal death traps,” he mumbled, less like a retort and more sullen.

He made a grab a little higher up, tentatively taking your shoulder. You exchange a wide-eyed look with him, but for him, it was your sweater. He stroked it with abandon.

“Is it soft?” you asked.

Nod.

Inspired, you leaned a little to encourage him to lay his arm over your shoulders.

Levi stiffened significantly, but followed through, still rubbing. At his confidence, you then stiffened until you were like two flustered mannequins pushed up together.

You shivered. His full cheeks were warm, but downturned—still, he made no effort to pull away. Fingers clutched, and then his other arm wrapped around you.

“It’s not your fault,” you murmured, but even that sounded too loud in the room, just like your heartbeat. “I missed you every day.”

He hunched, so you bullied your arms over the rim and touched his waist to prove it—then gaped a little. His muscles were, like a tank . Skin warm, like an oven—

Levi’s arms clamped around your back, nearly knocking the breath out of you.

Both your arms fell down around him, and squeezed back.

This seemed almost like a contest to him too, so he tightened in response. Suddenly a rush of comfort washed over you, an inexplicable sense of safety you couldn’t get from something so simple as a locked door.

That was Levi. He had qualities that made him feel so unmistakably sturdy that anxiety simply washed off your shoulders to be so close. You closed your eyes.

Warm water dampened your sleeves, and ebony hair tickled your temple. Surprisingly, only a hint of warm salt clung to your nose. It reminded you of a swelling shore, of tropical trees.

You wonder what he smelled, with a nose like his, but he seemed reluctant to pull away whether it was good or bad.

Swallowing, you leaned and buried your face in the warmth of his neck—on the side where his gills didn’t lie.

He chirped at the sudden movement, but didn’t move. His hands only continued their subtle stroking, up and down.

Despite the plastic rim digging into your bruised navel, you found yourself smiling.

“Am I…” He stopped. “Am I still a person you don’t know?”

His low voice by your ear made you grit your teeth so as to not shiver. This felt so intimate .

Was it wrong? It didn’t feel wrong, so you didn’t doubt your answer.

“No. Not at all.”

“Didn’t.” He huffed softly, his belly rising under your hands. “I didn’t know. Didn’t mean to. I—I’m sorry.”

“Forgive yourself,” you whispered. “It never even occurred to me, Levi.”

He snuffled your warm wool in lieu of a response. Maybe if you were deceiving him, he could smell the anxiety of that, too.

You laid your head down on his shoulder. “Do you feel better?”

A tut. His palm followed up and held the nape of your neck, causing you to shiver outright, and close your eyes.

“I would've made you leave if I didn’t,” he replied.

Days of these clandestine meetings passed you by. As such, you had realized a few things.

One, Hange wasn’t only your best friend, but a lifesaver.

“It has nothing to do with him tolerating me now!” they had told you. “I feel sorry for him.”

You didn’t preface to Levi how that was the reason you regained access to the wave pool, albeit with some containers occupied. It had been a long time since you saw his eyes light up that much, and it seemed his sickness was petering away as well.

Two, you may have been developing… some infatuation.

Since the first night when he embraced you, repeats of the moment have dashed over your mind at random points: alone in bed after the meetings, hell, when you were brewing coffee in the mornings (and before you departed for said meetings as well).

When Levi was in the water and out of your line of sight, you felt his eyes on you constantly, but whenever you tried to meet his gaze, his attention suddenly went elsewhere.

But oddly… he had been finding random excuses to touch you less . It was confusing.

And every meeting turned the confusion up another notch, it seemed.

You had no experience in this sort of thing. You never felt any need to, either, but more and more you had been wishing you did. This relationship wasn’t normal—far from it—but you couldn’t convince yourself that it felt wrong.

You didn’t want to leave him alone again, even without taking account of how it would have hurt him.

Which was what has made some recent developments all the more unnerving: Erwin may or may not have been wising up to what you and Hange, but especially you, had been up to.

Erwin was as intelligent as he was conniving; the way his mind works was a mystery, which left plenty of room for you to find clues and land yourself on some wild conclusions.

It was in his polite, prolonged silences during conversations on any regular work day over coffee—as if he was waiting for you to say something totally removed from the topic.

His repeated mentions about Levi through email and invoices despite you having been reassigned. Having known your father personally, you wanted to believe he was doing it for your peace of mind, but your gut told you to doubt it.

As you sat stooped over a crate in the changing room of the wavepool, wiping every speck of data (recommended by Eren) that may have had a chance to draw suspicion, you gnawed on your thumb. A new nervous habit of yours which Levi had repeatedly told you to quit.

Hange knew of course, you had told them. It was the middle of the work week, and on Saturday, they had informed you, you were both meeting Erwin for brunch for…camaraderie he would say. You had to confront him much earlier than expected.

You feathered your damp hair off your face, squirming in your wetsuit (which you brought from home to seem even more innocuous). Clammy sweat was coagulating underneath from Levi, quite literally, swimming laps around you earlier, but his muffled chirps as you struggled to kick through the water after him made defeat taste a little less bitter.

You hadn’t pulled the beach ball out for him again, though, and his attention to you wasn’t exclusive to the air anymore. In the water with him, his eyes had begun to stray to you more and more.

An image flashed in your mind—his upside down smirk from just earlier.

You nibbled on your thumb with a small groan. Focus.

Or, when it came to tossing your earring at you through the salty water. You had cried his name (fumbling for the button on your helmet that would make your voice heard). That same smirk, but wider, had quirked his lip as he easily shot through the water like a bullet and snatched it from the water’s clutches.

You asked yourself what the point of fantasizing was when he was still just outside.

The whole reason you had your laptop at all was because you had neglected to erase this data earlier. This was your routine every few days because you worried that doing it too often would have been suspicious as well.

Something small, but heavy smacked the door, making your head turn. A beanbag?

You were done with the computer, anyway.

When you calmly step out, Levi was glowering from the pool’s edge, his head resting on two folded arms.

“Slow,” he spat. “Come back.”

A fiery ache crawled into your hamstrings at the idea of more swimming.

“You really give me a workout,” you sighed, plopping down on the edge with a grunt. Your legs swayed through the water mindlessly.

“Repeat.”

He had gotten into the habit of saying that when he didn’t understand.

“You… tire me out,” you explained. “Humans aren’t equipped for swimming all hours of the day.”

A snort. He eyed your hands moving to massage your aching thighs. “Land people are so soft.”

You pouted some. “Are not . All throughout human history, the strength of—”

Levi planted his palm flat on top of your thigh. Your automatic flinching back made him pull away, surprise in his eyes.

“You’re jumpy.”

You sputtered, “People are sensitive there. Haven’t you…” You glance below his waist; you shouldn’t go down that rabbit hole of thought again. “Nevermind.”

His lips parted in outrage. “I’m not an idiot. Your lecture was annoying, and touching you usually makes you shut up.”

It was your turn, for once, to glare at him. “On my leg.”

He crossed his arms and grumbled something you couldn’t make out.

“What was that?”

“Just.” He echoed your glare, but at the cement. “It’s not everyday you see those.”

You could forgive him for being curious, but you were curious too. After awkwardly patting the space next to you, he reluctantly lifts himself up on his arms and out of the water.

Flexing his thick biceps, all that was needed to carry his tail—which accounted for over a hundred pounds of his weight—put a different image in your head.

You pointed at his tail.

An odd look. “Are your hands… clean?”

You deadpanned. “You always say my cleaning habits are acceptable. A pretty big compliment, coming from you.”

“Tch!” It splashed the water, pushing a violent wave. “Whatever. Do what you want. Fine.”

The mood eventually flipped as you leaned and laid your palm down where his knees would be.

You were struck less by its incredible sliminess, just like a fish tail, and besides, you had gotten a relative idea upon your examinations of him. But here, you had time, and ample permission, to take him in.

It was so firm, almost rubbery, but your hand glided like butter. Slowly, you glided your palm up, again struck. His scales were countless in smooth texture and brilliant color, but it was undoubtedly a strong, packed muscle.

Levi made a wincing sound, and grabbed your wrist.

The look on his face was pinched, but it was hard to say from what, specifically.

“Does that hurt?” you asked.

“I didn't think... Ugh. Like you said,” he muttered. He let you slowly rub up and down his flank as you pleased. “Sensitive.”

You had figured that avoiding the center of his lap was safe. A blush heated your cheeks anyway. Had he never...?

Your hand skirted over hundreds of blues as your hand retreated towards his hip. Here, specks of scales marked where his tail ended.

You also figured that it was okay until he told you to stop, or batted your hand away.

Unable to resist, you traced a short line across his waist with one finger. The soft muscles on his navel flexed and tensed. “What about your tailfin…?”

He batted your hand away, and hissed abruptly, “My turn.”

You clenched the hand he couldn’t see to stop a shudder when a lithe hand floated onto your lower thigh. His skin contrasted sharply against black spandex, and you were covered, but the suit was tight; you felt irrationally exposed suddenly.

Then he lurched forward, lugging your knee up as he went.

The force had you throwing your elbows behind you with a hard grunt so you didn’t land flat on your back. “Levi!”

“Don’t be so soft,” he remarked. His fingers danced around your achilles’ heel, following up your calf, and you surrendered with your arm thrown over your face.

He was so strange . Did he realize how forward he was being?—At times he acted so awkward it was hard to tell.

No. This felt like revenge, as if he didn’t give you permission before.

You let him all but caress your leg, fold your knee up and down like pulling a lever, but when he tried spreading your leg apart, you yanked away. A hint of heat instantly bloomed in your lower half.

“ Levi,” you repeated, harder that time.

Anxiety fluttered your insides. Mortification made you snap—over how little it took, and mortification at yourself for wanting him to continue at all.

Obediently, he retreated back, but not without scrutinizing your hips with his eyes.

“Sorry,” he muttered, blushing. “I’ve never done that.”

You regain your seat. “No, I’m sorry for snapping at you.”

Grunt. His hand reached and patted your head before scooting an awkward talking distance away.

Your eyes softened. Sometimes, more recently, he had begun to apologize for things and followed through by patting your head. It put into perspective what it really meant to him that his people almost never communicated in spoken word.

“I like it when you do that,” you told him quietly, hoping to lighten the mood.

A small chirp. He rolled his shoulders back when he was nervous, you had noticed, and he did that now. “Weird.”

“The pot calling the kettle black.”

You were anticipating his furrowed brows and pouty lips, and snorted. “You’re a weirdo. My legs aren’t toys, Lev’.”

He deadpanned. “Name-calling, huh?”

“Mhm.”

A flash of something behind his eyes, something lost, almost lonely, caught you before it disappeared as quickly as it came. His head turned towards the pool again.

Your lips parted. “Wait, did I offend you…?”

“No,” he immediately replies. “Just reminded me of somebody, Coconut.”

You gaped at the… insult? Name? Levi had a way of splitting your attention, but you decided to leave walking a tightrope of conversation for another day.

“ Coconut ?” you coughed, aghast. “Why coconut?”

He held up three webbed fingers, counting down as he went. “Strange name, number one. You’re strange. Hard and dislikable on appearance.”

“Hey—”

“No interrupting,” he snapped lightly, one finger left in the air. “Lastly, milk on the inside.”

“Is it at least…” You laughed at the idea. “...good milk?”

He looked at you like he was correcting a stupid child. “I didn’t say you were a sour coconut, did I?”

Snorting, that same warm feeling tossed over your chest again. “Thank you, then... That’s very creative.”

Levi looked taken aback by the compliment, which made you think, Have we ever ‘hung out’ like this before? Like two friends?

Not like this.

“Fucking weird,” he muttered. “You don’t just…”

“…Thank people?” you finished. Your science brain switched on. “Okay, how do you do it?”

With a cute huff, he leaned down and splashed more water on his face before turning back to you. Drops followed down the bridge of his nose and ran together at his chin.

You were soon caught off-guard by how close he was, his hand propped up close to your own. He, or you, could have moved your little fingers and touch, which unsurprisingly put your nerves on edge again.

“This—” He reluctantly pointed to his lips, then his forehead, “—here.”

“...Oh.”

He looked uncomfortable. “I used to think it was creepy too, when I was a kid. I wasn’t raised in a pod like that.

“But that’s why you don’t just throw up your emotions. Don’t take shit lightly. Words are… not my culture. So actions are commitment.”

You jerked your head up and down, wishing that you had your notepad within reach. “Wait, what kind of pod?”

His lips pressed, and his eyes went to the ground. “…Don’t get off topic.”

“Well, for me, it was just me and my dad,” you compromised. Maybe talking about yourself more will inch him out of his shell. “My mom, well.”

Levi looked up.

“She died giving birth to me. Then—” It was ten years ago? “—ten years ago I lost my dad. So, my ‘pod’ wasn’t perfect, either.”

In your peripheral, you spotted him nibbling on his lip. “…My group,” he murmured. Stopped. “My pod is the same. Except my uncle left me.”

“Left you? As in, alone?”

He scoffed. “Doesn’t matter. I turned out fine and I don’t know where he is, so he might as well be dead. That’s fine with me.”

By the way he looked now, you knew he couldn’t have been totally truthful. His mother was a much more sensitive topic. No father, it seemed.

Affection was like squeezing thorns to do for you. But you still wanted to thank him the way he wanted, so you tapped his jaw to draw his attention towards you.

He jolted, as if from a dream, and blinked at you. “Are you still determined to thank me for no reason?”

Your jaw wobbled. “Were you not serious?”

His eyes flashed. Apparently he wasn’t on the same page as you. Embarrassment flooded your belly, and you went to pull away, but his hand around your wrist once again stopped you.

“Okay,” he grunted. “Do what you want.”

He had a habit of saying that, even though you knew he would take action if you overstepped a line.

Either way, you were in too deep now, so you picked up his chin with two fingers, and kissed above the wrinkle between his brow.

When you pulled away, you licked your lips on instinct, tasting salt.

Meanwhile, Levi stared at you blankly. The fact that he wasn’t… grading your performance in his head or something unnerved you.

“You idiot. Why did you make it last so long?”

You hadn’t realized. Your stare matched his. “What?”

“They’re quicker than that,” he tried to explain, his jaw working under your hand. “And you’re still touching me.”

What was wrong with you? You pulled away, only for your hand to be snatched and placed it roughly on his cheek.

Shocked, you let it happen—you didn’t know what else to do.

You stammered to apologize, which only made him hold tighter and glare at you.

“I mean it, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to offend you.”

His silver eyes seemed to magnetize you. It became harder and harder to look away.

He spoke slowly, as if he measured each word as he went. “You’re not making sense.”

“I…thought I followed your directions.”

“No, it’s not just that you couldn’t follow simple directions when you’re supposed to be smart,” he argued. That stung. “You admitted what you wanted me for in the beginning, even though your hands weren’t violent.”

A spiky feeling low in your throat twists.

Your hand stayed where he pinned it, and you could feel his cheeks heat. Is this another way he communicated, and didn’t show you before?—To make you more truthful?

He swallowed visibly. “Your bravery is bordering on foolish for coming back here. I thought it was again for your own gain. You didn’t want Shit-Glasses to take credit for your work—”

You gaped. “That’s not true—”

“Then why are you here!?” he shouted, causing you to jerk away from the sound. Your hand followed suit, and he let it.

The gills on his neck visibly contracted in kind with a rough huff. “You disgust me if you want to come here and share those things about yourself, then continue with your plan from the start.”

You shook your head in disbelief. There was so much in his argument to correct and explain that it gave you whiplash.

“I won’t accept you taking advantage of me,” he said, low and venomous.

“You are—” you slide a hand down your face, “—so wrong, I don’t know where to begin.”

“Then tell me.”

“I… I don’t know how.”

It wasn’t like you to not have some response, even a vague one. An indirect excuse that changed the topic. Something.

But, to condense this whirlwind into something he would understand when you hadn’t processed yourself—it was impossible.

“I’m not using you,” you tried.

“You sound like a foolish seagull,” he spat. “Squaking its head off.”

“I’m not acting . Yes, before, I was telling Erwin, the one in charge of me, everything, but you saw through that. You see through everything, Levi.”

You gestured desperately when his expression didn’t change. Your fingers, you sensed, were trembling. “You’re different!—Do you understand?”

“No.”

You groaned. “I don’t know what you want from me! That’s all I can give right now!”

“I want a straight answer!” he yelled back, ears flicking with irritation. “You wouldn’t sacrifice what’s most important to you for reasons ‘ you can’t give ’.”

“I—I can’t.”

“I don’t believe you. Who’s paying you?—Or grading you on your work here?”

“Fuck.” You could scarcely hear yourself. “Whoever it is, they’re not paying me enough to make me be here!”

His lip curled into a snarl, contrasting sharply with his sudden lurch away from you.

It dawned on you that what you just said was wrong.

You pinched the bridge of your nose.

“Repeat,” he orders, low.

You could not have possibly phrased what you said any worse.“That’s not what I meant.”

“So no one’s forcing you to be here but yourself,” he said. For the first time since your voices raised, the hardness in his eyes gave way to hurt. “I don’t get your motive, but you’re out of your depths either way.”

“…Why do you want to know so badly, Levi?”

His lips pressed, and he scoffed at the ground. “Do you know someone who likes being lied to?”

He had you there.

“I’m not lying. You make me…” God, your nerves were shot. “Confused.”

“…If you ask me, you should stop stumbling in the dark here and go back to your priorities from before. You’re a smart girl, so. It doesn’t—make sense, your confusion.”

His clean, blunt observation stunned you into silence.

Why weren’t you smart enough to figure that out yourself? Emotions were impossible.

You needed a moment. “…I don’t want to do that.”

His hollow gaze flickered over. “You want to be more selfish?”

The question was so flat it could have been mistaken for a straight line.

You tried to be blunt, like him. “I want to. But I shouldn’t.”

He huffed like a bull before scooting and dropping off the pool’s edge. When his head broke the water, he was wading further away.

He flicked his bangs out of his face, and told you, “Don’t come back here until you get it together. You’ve defied every ‘shouldn’t’ already, you gull.”

You had never heard his voice waver so much before. You needed a moment to process just that, but you weren’t even given that before he disappeared. A violent splash from his tail was tonight’s goodbye, pelting your face.

Was that his aloof, indirect, grumpy version of a confession?—At any point during that mess? You didn’t think Levi would have pushed so hard if it wasn’t so important.

No, probably not.

You sat motionless, wiping your face with the back of your arm. No wonder, really: he would have worried about being deceived or abandoned given all that had happened to him.

Just barely, he could still be spotted far under the water as a small, blue blur. How painful would it be to take him back to the exam room, at this point?

You sighed roughly and rubbed your stinging eyes, praying Hange would once again be your lifesaver. If they came in early, no one would suspect anything. It was already getting dangerously close to that time, anyway.

You hated to ask another favor, but energy to take care of it right now escaped you.

As if you had anything to stay for. Levi had even told you to go, and possibly not to come back.

You shouldn’t. You shouldn’t, shouldn’t, shouldn’t.

The key trembled lightly in the lock as you jabbed it in.

Levi had told you to get yourself together.

You sniffed as you strapped on the oxygen tank for your scuba gear. Today, Hange had had the opportunity to lock Levi in his pool container since the tests had been much lighter.

He was not a person.

Gentle waves kissed your fingertips. Tropical, salty water.

You were a miserable excuse for not only a professional, but a person.

Deep enough underwater for the surface to seem like another world, Levi’s belly kissed the base of his container. A sharp mask of indifference laid heavily on his brow, and yet, his palm pressed flat on the glass.

You counted yourself thankful for the underwater: else, your hands would have been horribly clammy.

With a little touch-and-go, you grabbed hold of both sides of the tank so you could slip into the little crevice between the door and “open” water. The space was just enough for your feet to slot in so you could talk.

That was what you wanted before anything else—like him brushing you off.

You resisted the urge to plant your palm with his, and fingered the button on your helmet.

“Hi,” you greeted. “I have a treat I thought you might like. I’m going to let you out for a while—but join me?”

He stared, deliberating. “You shouldn’t . Remember?”

“Yes,” you murmured, eyes somewhere else. “I do.”

“You’re not used to breaking the rules.”

“I know, but… I’m a little more used to it now.”

He glanced between your face and his palm. “It better be good, then.”

The air, as thick and briny as it was, was a cool summer compared to the helmet. You let your eyes fall shut as you breathed it in.

Levi turned the bright green thermos around and around in his hands, and spied up at it from the bottom. He “sat” just beside you, his tail still in the water.

His head tilted curiously. Damn your heart for fluttering when a little chirp cracked the silence. Ping-ping-ping , his tapping, echoed.

You set your helmet aside and braced your hands behind you, miles more relaxed than before. “You can drink it, too.”

“Not so fast.”

He pushed his bangs back and all but ignored you, brow quivering in focus.

It occurred to you again, Hange’s advice. Desperate times called for desperate measures, which meant discussing your love life (what a weird term) with them.

They hadn’t judged, but you chocked that up to Hange’s… Hange-ness . They claimed to fall in love with their assortment of “sea babies” all the time.

(Mostly deep sea oddities. Weird, but now so were you, and you might have been serious).

“You’re staring again,” he mumbled, eyes squinting.

Near the water, his eyes always shone so blue compared to the clinical lights inside Sector 3 proper. The sight was attractive.

You looked away, working your bottom lip between your teeth. “You want me to stop?”

He didn’t reply, so you didn’t stop.

But he was attractive, period. The thick, rippled muscles on his belly, his biceps, and his back looked soft in a way. It was—as it had been, in your own bed—too easy to picture them wrapped around you, or holding you down.

Ping-ping-ping .

“I recognize this thing,” he told you, after much deliberation.

The world, followed by your heart, froze. “You mean, just the container?”

Suddenly, his expression deteriorated into something grim. His thumb feathered across the sticker Dad had once slapped onto the tin: a cartoonized blue whale in a beach shirt and sunglasses sipping a margarita, something straight out of a Hawaiian tourist trap. The bubble letters below read, Fuck Whaling!

“L-Levi…What?”

That wouldn’t make sense. Dad had searched for mers longer than he was alive, and if he had come across Levi, well, the whole fucking world would have heard.

“Levi,” you implored again. “Where have you seen it before?”

His lips pressed “On… On a blue boat.”

You gave him, in a cold, choppy series of sentences, Dad’s name and what he had looked like. If it was true that Levi had either come across one of his fishing boats, or interacted and Dad somehow forgot, or—

He stammered to respond, now clutching the thermos to his chest. It must have been warm.

“Look…” Shoulders hunched, he looked down towards the water, where his tail fin swished up and down. He made a hissing noise. “You would dissect me, you’d do it yourself if I told you. It seemed like he was important to you when you talked about him.

If your attention hadn’t been taken before, it certainly was now.

You raked your mind for scenarios, what Levi was capable of, and what Dad hadn’t been. The latter wouldn’t have hurt a wasp if it flew up and stung him, but you couldn’t imagine Levi ever causing harm to anyone or anything for the thrill of it.

The only reason you could think of for Levi starting off with that was… some kind of harm. But you remembered his revulsion when you had shared myths of sirens with him.

Warily, you edged closer and touched his arm.

He straightened up and turned to you with wide eyes. The last time you had touched him of your own volition you started that argument.

“I wouldn’t,” you said. “You should know I wouldn’t. I’m sorry if, some of my actions told you otherwise.”

“They didn’t,” he shot back immediately. “But don’t say that so fast.”

“Then tell me.”

So, with the thermos protectively cradled to his belly, he told you how he had come to meet Dad.

Many years ago , he said. Ten , he answered when you asked him to elaborate.

What you remembered from that day mainly centered around the weather channel on TV rather than the phone call that had come later, oddly. A tropical storm had been picking up steam off the coast where he had been determined to sail.

“The waters were stormy,” he explained.

And the name scrawled on the side of the ship in “fancy letters”, Matilda , which finally annihilated the possibility, in your mind, of some case of mistaken identity.

Inwardly you curled in on yourself. That little fishing boat that your father practically lived on—save for the houseboat—had sunk that day. You couldn’t even remember why he had been so adamant to go out that day, that was how little it mattered, but Dad had been so stubborn.

Why had Levi been so close to Dad’s fishing boat that day?

“One of my friends was sick at the time, so… I was in the area,” he answered reproachfully.

Levi retold the moment he noticed broken remnants of wood whooshing from the surface of the rough waves. The storm was that strong, and the boat that unequipped.

When Matilda had capsized, Levi began to flee. He would not, in confidence, have done anything if there had been any more than a single person in trouble; people were more dangerous than what they were worth, was his opinion.

“W-What did you do?” you asked in a small voice.

“I saw this—” he taps the thermos, “—hanging to his back...bag.”

Yes, he was trying to survive. It was found that exact way, on Dad, on rocks.

“No beaches near there,” Levi went on. “But rocks. All you people have baby lungs, but, I didn’t…” With a cut sigh, he stopped.

“It’s okay,” you tried. The more Levi spoke, the more you suspected that he was innocent. “You’re doing well. Keep going, please.”

As he went on to explain what he did next, he hugged the thermos.

“I was a fool,” he stated, voice flat. “I never interacted with you people, I didn’t fucking want to, but I didn’t want to watch one die.

“I didn’t know what to do. Seemed he was drowning on the air. Coughing. Grabbing.”

“He—saw you?”

His jaw wobbled, like he was about to argue, but then nodded. “In the end, I—I didn’t know how to get water out. For that… I’m sorry. I’m sorry,” he rasped. “Forgive me.”

You couldn’t tell what you were feeling, but not… whatever would motivate you to “dissect” Levi. You stared off into nothing, or maybe the past.

What are the odds?—When he left that morning… Was he looking for Levi? Had he seen him?

You shook your head sharply, because you would never know; there was no point wondering. If there was nothing else you prided yourself on, it was a level, rational mind.

Could Dad have lied? You always wanted to believe he wouldn’t have done something that stupid unless it was for a good reason.

You always wanted many things, besides the answers. One last chat over sweet tea on those stupidly cheap lawn chairs, one last session with Dad tutoring you in math. You wanted him back .

Levi matched your forlorn expression. That day stuck with him. Even if he was wearing that cold mask to hide any vulnerability, the way he held the thermos and completely avoided your eyes spoke loudly enough.

“Thank you,” you managed. “Levi, I’m still not gonna hurt y—”

“I did nothing,” he rebuked. “Less than.”

You ignored him. “Thank you for trying.”

With a heavy sigh, you scrubbed your hands down your face. You needed something different—to not relive that day.

So, you tapped the plastic head of the thermos. “You twist it.”

“Hm.”

“It’s tea.”

“Never had that,” he replied, glaring skeptically.

You tried to smile. “Well, maybe you’ll like it.”

After a small, anxious side-eye, he popped the top open. You watched him hold it up and sniff, delighted by the slight quirk in his lip; it was nice seeing him experience something he seemed to like (so far).

Then, he tilted the rim towards his mouth, sipped, and abruptly paused. His tongue darted out to lick his lips.

“Is it good?”

Without replying, he tilted it again at a much sharper angle to properly drink, and chirped in delight. His tail splashed the water’s surface a little, drawing round ripples, which brought a smile to your cheeks despite yourself. Levi deserved to be happy.

He drinked, and occasionally you chatted, but the silence felt more fitting. It was actually comfortable to you, for once.

The mood sobered when the tea was almost all gone. He never offered to share, which you preferred to think proved how much he was enjoying the drink.

Once it was properly empty, his tongue traced around the rim. You averted your eyes, clearing your throat awkwardly.

His eyes flickered over to you. “Less sugar next time.”

“Yeah. Alright.”

He is so…

Had he known what he was doing? You tried to dismiss that thought, because you still had that other conversation you wanted to start.

Hange told you to: “Butter him up, sit him down, and be honest.”

Quite literally, that was all. One step left, right?

Dad’s passions were what set you on the path to science in the first place, now that you were once again thinking of him. This was mainly what made your responsibility that your feelings were getting in the way of.

Even more so, Dad sparked a light in you for creatures from the sea. It wasn’t always mers, or sea monsters—you used to roll your eyes whenever he brought up that stuff—until he passed on with his work still unfinished.

A different flame roared to life in you: to not let his work go unfinished, even if you disproved it somehow.

Fleetingly, you wondered what would have been different had Dad lived through what happened, having seen Levi. You knew he would’ve adored getting to know him, similar to Hange, similar to you. It was humbling.

You loved your work, you loved studying Levi, but… you wanted more than that. And it was looking more and more likely that that meant following your mind, or your heart.

He leaned back on his hands, the empty thermos now set beside him. “Couldn’t you quit anytime you wanted and come back later?”

You let your eyes fall gently shut, laughing scornfully. “Not if what you, me, and Hans are doing goes wrong. And if it goes right, I… I don’t know what I’m gonna do with you.”

He frowned. “What do you mean?”

“You’re not gonna like this answer,” you said. “But I don’t know right now.”

“Oh,” he muttered. “Fine, I’ll let you think on that… But don’t you wanna do anything else? Or do you just spend your time ogling my home like hungry vultures?”

“I love my work, Levi. I live for it.”

His eyes widened a fraction. In the first place, working for a living probably stumped him. “You don’t live for anything else?”

Intrigued, you arched a brow at his frown. “Um, like what?”

“Family. Friends. Sex? Eating.” He scoffed. “You’re weirder than others, but no one should be working till they drop dead.”

Levi had not met as many humans as he acted like did, but he had a point.

You hummed, deep in thought.

“Glasses likes you.”

You blinked “They talk about—me?”

“Like you do them,” Levi retorted. “You're the only topic I tolerate.”

That remark fueled a growing blush to your cheeks. “…They’re a really good friend,” you settled on, after much thought. “Of course I—I care about them, but, it’s complicated.”

He waited, but then grew irritated when you didn’t elaborate. “Speak.”

You could have laughed at the incredulousness of the demand, but you only crossed your arms. You felt like a turtle with no shell.

“We kinda—” you gestured, “—had a thing.”

He deadpanned. “A thing.”

“A romantic thing, but I never felt that way! For anyone, honestly! So, I have no idea what I’m doing.”

Out of the corner of your eye, Levi softened a little.

Then you awkwardly added, “Eating’s okay, but I don’t love it.”

“What about sex?”

“Um—” You felt your face practically catch fire. “No? I wouldn’t really know,” you tittered. “That’s a weird question to ask, Levi.”

“Tch. Hardly. Humans have sex for fun, don’t they? Like dolphins.”

“Do you?”

“…That’s personal.”

“Exactly.” Then again, you were curious. “Don’t you have romantic customs, your kind I mean?”

Just like always, at any mention of his home, he grew quiet. “Like I said. My pod was different. I don’t fucking know, and I don’t care to.”

The fins by his ears flick like he was irritated, but he went on: “When my uncle left, it was me and my friends for a long time. I found one, and the other found me.”

You wondered which one was which, but this was a rare time that he was being candid. Interrupting was out of the question.

His voice was so quiet, it didn’t even echo. “We are much like dolphins, I know that much. You travel in packs. One dies, the pod stays the same. Many die, you find somewhere else. If you’re alone, you usually get sick or more hunted, and die.”

“Even someone as strong as you?”

His chest puffed out when he huffed. A little smirk flashed on his face. “I know what I’m doing. But one day everyone runs out of luck, like, that day.”

You looked away.

“So I don’t have many options if you decide to throw me back. Those two were…” He rolled his shoulders back, and yours brushed. “I only wanted to be responsible for those lives... I failed.”

You were seized by a cold feeling. If those like Levi were so reliant on each other to survive, to the point where loneliness was enough to ensure that he would have been—that something horrible would happen to him…

Your voice shrunk to a whisper. “But Levi, there has to be something better than this.”

A long stretch of time crept past before he tutted, just a little. That sharp, hollow pain on his face was more exposed than ever.

“I’m tired,” he muttered.

Your heart rocketed up to your throat. You startled yourself from how quickly you jerked up straight, and him even more as you touched his shoulder.

He looked a finger snap away from asking you what the hell you were doing, but it was too late to pull away now.

“Please,” you implored him, “don’t. I don’t care that you aren’t like me, as if you’re not imprisoned in a, a fucking laboratory right now. M-My research is important to me, but you—”

Levi’s eyes were round. An idea flashed in your mind, that perhaps this kinder side of Levi was the last thing Dad ever saw.

“I don’t know if what I’m doing is right anymore. But I know I care! I’m not going to do nothing. I want to find a way.”

He tensed, but didn’t shake off your hand. He leaned into it, a little.

“There is… no way,” he ground out. “Don’t bother. The consequences would ruin you.”

“Levi, look at me,” you beckoned in a small voice.

He did, searching for any signs of deception.

“Can I…?“ Your hand hovered over his cheek, which he didn’t even spare a glance to before nodding into it. But he looked almost tortured.

“What’re you doing?” His voice was small as well.

“You know I’m smart enough. Let me prove that I mean this,” you told him, rather lamely. You had never done this.

Fluttering blinks. The warmth spreading across his cheeks mingled with the batches of scales decorating his high cheekbones.

He practically fell into your hand as one of his skimmed up the outside of your arm, then your jaw.

“S-Soft,” he muttered. “You’re so good it’s stupid.”

You laughed nervously. “Do—Do you know what a kiss means?”

“Yes.” Your foreheads brushed. “Do you?”

“Yes,” you whispered, smiling despite your peaking anxious nerves.

Your lips brushed, then touched, and then stuttered into easy movement. A feeling high and bright buzzed through your veins, rendering you so breathless you resisted the urge to pull away and gasp for air.

It soon became clear that Levi picked up on a shallow, but solid understanding of what to do. You had much less.

His head tilted, followed by his other hand scooping up the other side of your jaw to guide you. You heard yourself squeak, and you could have swore that past the huff that hit your face, he was smiling.

His were as plump as they always looked, and almost excruciatingly soft. You imagined taking his bottom lip between your teeth, and parting them like dough.

Your lungs were screaming— “You’re so soft,” replayed in your head—so you pulled back a fraction, just to take a breath, before your hand dove over the nape of his neck and combed his hair backwards, deepening it.

Levi actually sighed , almost a whimper, and then you pulled away before he could get the satisfaction of feeling you shiver.

Of course he didn’t need to catch his breath, but you did: your heart was racing.

Almost slyly, he licked his pouty lips and leaned back in. His nose knocked your jaw, and the shell of your ear.

“Are you sniffing me?” you giggled breathlessly.

“You wouldn’t get it,” he huffed sharply, nosing your hairline. “You fucking…”

Dodging his lips, you took his lips again for a quick peck. “Weirdo.” And then again.

He responded in kind, but he surprised you by abruptly throwing an arm around your waist so your chests smushed together. His lips glided over yours like he was actively hungry for it.

This outright show of pure desire—it struck something in you, especially after how little interest he ever explicitly showed you.

When it ended, permanently this time, Levi’s lips were deliciously swollen. Below his glazed silver eyes, a deep blush mingled with his scales, and stretched down his neck.

You realized, with some embarrassment, that you had messed up his damp hair. Breath still escaped you.

He licked his lips as a hand ran away from your waist and touched your knee. Above the dotted translucent scales marking the beginning of his tail, soft muscles on his belly rose and fell.

“Fool,” he murmured fondly. “Now that you’ve given me a taste of that, you won’t ask me to make that the last one, will you?”

The ache between your thighs, honestly, was excruciating. You really wanted him to talk more, gruff and low like that, while his hunger was satiated in other places.

“Fuck, no.” You gathered yourself. “We’ll figure something out, you hear me? I won’t give up on you.”

His head tilted; the look on his face said he wanted to believe that, but he was torn.

“Don’t be joking. You’re serious?” His voice rose at the end in secret hope, desperation.

You made a choice. “I am.”

You thrusted your pinkie finger up between you, only for him to jerk back, startled.

His eyes flickered up to your urging ones, then back your outstretched pinkie, then back to you once more.

You said nothing, curious as to how he would react.

Reluctantly, he wrapped a warm, rough hand around your wrist and held it up, like he meant to blow a bubble. Then he kissed it, so soft you could barely feel it, before looking to you for approval.

You grinned, full and wide. “Good. It means I promise.”

“Ah.” Kiss. “Promise.”

| levi masterlist | main masterlist |

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chateautae · 4 years

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maybe i do | kth. III

➵ summary : maybe you love each other, maybe you don’t. when a deal between your fathers leaves you forcefully wedding kim taehyung, arguably seoul’s most powerful CEO, you’re prepared for a loveless marriage of eternal regret and unhappiness. but maybe, it doesn’t turn out that way after all.

↳ part of the high-class series!

➵ pairing : taehyung x reader

➵ genre : arranged marriage!au, ceo!tae, s2l!au, eventual smut, fluff, angst

➵ rating : 18+

➵ word count : 17k (im sorry omg)

➵ warnings : oh boi we have aNgSt, serious familial issues, swearing, multiple fight scenes, mainly verbal but there is a slap in one, mentions of a wound, mentions of alcohol, (there’s honestly a lot that goes wrong in this chapter but at least tae and the reader have each other), sexual tension :o, bit of possessive!tae, (i mention a short reader a lot but i just wanted to say you’re beautiful even if you’re tall! tae is just very tall to me askldjs)

➵ a/n: i’m back and hoLY is this chapter loaded (and a lil unedited forgive me!!) i’ve finally finished school and get a whole month off now! who knows what works i’ll release in that time 👀. as always, feedback is appreciated loves!

chapter three : “the window opened one time with you and me”

prev. ↞ || ↠ next || masterlist

“Mother?” You stood frozen, completely and utterly shocked as to how your mother was just opposite of you, smiling brightly as if she hadn’t done a single thing wrong in her life and loved you unconditionally.

How incredibly wrong that was.

“Y/N! How are you? Oh dear, it’s been so long!” Your mother threw her arms around your neck, pulling you against her for a hug you just barely returned.

“Good. You?”

“Oh, I’m great!” She beamed.

“What are you doing here?” You inquired, shutting the door after her entry.

“Ah, I just couldn’t believe my daughter’s married now, I wanted to drop by and say congratulations!” Your mother cheered, grinning widely as she began scanning the grand interior of your house, leering as though you weren’t standing just before her.

“Drop by? You could’ve just came to the wedding, Mother...” You suggested despondently, plastering a pained smile onto your face. You attempted to meet her eyes, though they rather seemed to sparkle at anything that appeared expensive.

Anything but you.

“Oh, I was in Ibiza. I couldn’t just leave while my resort pass still had benefits on it, you know me.” She flashed you a cheeky smile as she playfully hit you, propping her heels off.

You nodded half heartedly, trying extremely hard to not lose it on her because you were in your home; a place meant for peace and comfort and didn’t have room for negative.

Not to mention, Taehyung resided just upstairs in his study with most likely his door open, and you didn’t want to risk bothering him if you raised your voice.

“Ibiza was more important than your own daughter’s wedding, huh?” You spoke to yourself, nodding in a manner that would somehow help you accept the sad fact, though instead called forth a feeling you should’ve grown accustomed to by now.

Disappointment.

She knew about the wedding, you knew your father informed her of the ceremony along with its date and time. Though as she audaciously ogled the embellishments of your front foyer and spoke to you carelessly, she practically screamed she gave 0 fucks about your wedding. That what really mattered to her was living out the full experience of an expensive vacation than attending a life-changing night for her daughter.

Typical.

“Oh, c’mon now. When you put it like that it makes me seem so bad.” Your mother pouted like a child. “It wasn’t a real marriage, anyway.” She waved off the conversation as she ventured further into the house, bold enough to strike another conversation . “My God, this is the house of the Kim Taehyung?” Your mother’s eyebrows shot up, drinking in the grand size and wealthy look of the home. “You got very lucky, Y/N.”

You cocked an eyebrow, incredulous of what she was insinuating. “What do you mean, Mother?”

“Y/N, you’re married to Kim Taehyung. Do you understand how fantastic that is? For you?” Your mother was on the verge of scoffing, smoothing over her dress as she looked elsewhere. “He’s an incredibly rich man, and considering that life of yours it’s a miracle he ever agreed to marry you.” Your mother relayed nonchalantly as she caught sight of an exquisite vase.

And there it was, the belittling. You’d mentioned before you were often disparaged and received numerous insults when anything concerned your status as the runaway heiress. But what you failed to mention was the person who claimed the #1 position as your largest and most incessant hater.

Your mother.

“Mother, it doesn’t matter to me whether a man is rich or not.” You countered, trying to quell your snippy tone but it was as grand a fail your mother was at being a mother.

“What do you mean?”

“Unlike you, I’m not obsessed with my husband’s money.” You almost spat with crossed arms, only this comment causing her to turn towards you.

“Excuse me? I’m your mother, watch your tone a little.” She scolded quite lightly, before returning to inspect a painting.

You scoffed, “My mother...” you repeated under your breath, rolling your eyes.

“No mumbling, Y/N. Speak up.”

“I said it’s funny you’re referring to yourself as my mother.” You voiced clearer.

“And why is that so funny?” You could visibly see your mother failing to control her temper with you, masking it all behind a fake smile she mastered ages ago.

“Because you’ve been anything but a mother.” You retorted, knowing exactly what this conversation was leading into.

An argument.

“And you’ve been daughter of the year?” Your mother countered, sarcastic tone cutting the air, and it only made you more irritated.

“Here we go again, the bad daughter narrative.” You scoffed. “Find something new to argue, will you?” You narrowed your eyes.

“And you believe your bad mother narrative is any better?” She sneered back. “I’ve even come to visit you yet this it how you’re treating me. When will you ever learn to be grateful?”

“Please, you chose a vacation over your own daughter’s wedding.” You held a hand up, gesturing against her audacity. “And when have I ever been ungrateful? I don’t remember biting the hand that fed me.”

“No, Y/N, you didn’t bite the hand that fed you, you completely neglected and abandoned it.” She claimed, drawing closer towards your direction. “You left this family to pursue your own selfish desires. You’re the very definition of ungrateful.”

“Excuse me? Definition?”

“Yes, definition. You threw everything your father worked so hard for away. All he ever wanted was to provide his family with a comfortable life, but you instead wasted his efforts and made everyone's lives so much harder. Do you really think I’ll forgive you for what you did to your older brother?” Your mother voiced in an accusatory tone, bringing up an age old argument you knew was going to ravage any peace between you two.

“That was not my fault, he was already due for the same thing in Korea, it doesn’t matter if he’s in the U.S now.” You argued back.

“It’s all your fault! You’re the reason Yoongi hasn’t been able to come home in years! You ruined his entire life by making him uproot and take over the U.S faction when it was your role. Your decision to leave forced him into it!”

“So you’d rather have my life uprooted and ruined than your precious son’s?”

“Because my son isn’t like you! He isn’t selfish at all, Yoonie is a hard-working man who’s always listened to me and your father, always rightfully prioritized the company. But you? You’ve only ever made things worse. You’re completely useless, all you do is tear this family apart. Your father has to pick up your work, you keep your brother out of this country and give me years worth of stress!” Your mother shouted louder than she should’ve, angry as her eyes revealed searing frustration, contempt.

You were trying to negate the hurt you felt by her words, having trained yourself to endure their sharp sting, though no matter how many times you heard them, it never made it any easier.

“Oh please, your favouritism is showing, mother.” You remarked with near tears, her disregard for you so disturbingly apparent it left your eyes watering.

“Yoongi has always loved his work and the company, but I never have. When will you understand that? If I’ve ruined our family so much why have I never heard these same words from Dad or Yoongi? They’ve always supported me, understood and loved me regardless of what life I chose. Why can’t you do the same? Why can’t you just try to understand me for once?”

“Because there’s nothing to understand. You’re an heiress to this family, you are meant to live for this company and this company only. You owe your father and I your life, nothing has ever been yours. The least you could do to pay us back is by rightfully working at the company and not being as much of a disappointment as you are now.” You mother’s tone was strict and resolute, utterly fed up with you.

“Cry me a river, mother. I don't owe you a single thing. You’re one to talk about working alongside Dad and the company, all you’ve ever done is use his money without a single care for his work.”

“Excuse me?”

“You heard me, Mother, all you do is use Dad for his money. You know next to nothing about business or the company and have the least amount of right to lecture me about it. At least I’m not a woman who mooches off somebody and lives recklessly!” You snapped back at her with tears just pooling your lash line, arms crossed tightly holding your chest where it felt your heart would collapse.

“Do you understand who you’re talking to? Speak with respect, Y/N, I am your mother.” She tried to finalize, but you weren’t having any of it.

“And I could care less. You’ve never once done anything to warrant that title. All you’ve ever done is travel the world and bathe in the luxuries your husband affords you without ever being there for me or Yoongi. It was always dad despite being so busy, it was never you. You weren't even there for my wedding, when I needed my mother the most. No, you’re someone who’d rather use your rich husband and forget he’s a person.” Your voice was shaking at this point, practically rattling. “You may not have been there for my wedding, but I would never do that to my husband.” You let everything out without a care at the point, flooding the tense air.

Your mother seemed to completely lose it at this, her tone scarily still as she gritted through her teeth. “You wouldn’t do that to your husband, really? Isn’t that exactly what you’re doing right now?”

You flashed her an incredulous look. “Pardon?”

“You’re married to one of the richest men in Seoul, and you think you’re not doing the same thing? Whose house do you live in? Whose food do you eat? Whose lavish lifestyle do you now get to relish in? It’s all your husband’s, not yours.” Your mother was practically spitting venom at this point, scoffing. “I must say, your quest for independence is interesting, having landed you in the exact same place you always berated me for. Look where you are now, mooching off your rich husband.”

If words could dagger you in the heart and looks could kill, you’d surely be 6 ft. under by now.

Years, years you’ve been stuck in this constant loop of back and fourth with your mother, arguing the same 5 things you could never see eye-to-eye on. And no matter what she said, no matter the insults, the belittling, the verbal abuse she always spat your way; you’d grown used to it. Her words became normal, second nature to you and so you easily drowned them out. Her insults became useless weapons you simply dodged and avoided.

But this, this was where your mother won.

Her words dawned a laughable sense of irony on you, nearly physically reeling as though someone had punched you in the gut at the realization. It was raw agony, the very prospect you’d spent the entirety of this ordeal evading.

To think the same independence you fought so gravely for, can so easily be erased and forgotten all due to marrying a rich CEO. It felt pathetic, unfair you had no choice but to marry Taehyung. It wasn’t his fault he was rich, neither was it yours.

It was just coincidence, pure and utter coincidence. But to think this very coincidence would be the reason your stomach is churning and self-worth is collapsing; it was fucking unfortunate, miserable.

“Leave my house, this instance.” There was no emotion in your voice, it was flat, vision clouded.

“What did you say to me?”

“I said get out!” You yelled, the shrill in your voice evidence of tears. “I don’t ever want to see you again!”

“Don’t you dare raise your voice at me! I’m your mother!”

“You’re not my mother at all, you’re the worst excuse of one. Leave my house!”

“It’s not your house, Y/N! It’s your husband’s, and you will end up living the same life as me, using your husband for his money!” Your mother had somehow made her way over to you, having the audacity to push you back by your arms, driving her point home by the act of aggression.

You gritted through your teeth, eyes teary. “I’ll never be like you, I’ll never be a cheap woman who only stays with a man for his money. A woman who probably cheats on her husband with wealthy men in other countries!”

This was the moment your mother gasped scandalously, becoming so irate she didn’t hesitate to raise her hand and slap you across the face.

You stood emotionless, not even having the capacity to feel shocked or in pain due to how normal this was. There wasn’t a single unfamiliar thing about the sting of her hand, the way her manicured nails scratched against your skin and worse, the way her wedding ring usually cut into your cheek to produce a small wound.

It was all too familiar, making you scoff as if this was exactly what you expected from her, exactly what you've always known.

“You still hit your grown daughter, huh? The last 10 years of it weren’t enough?” You endured the ache, swallowing back tears. You weren’t letting them spill, not at this.

Not at something as undeserving as your mother.

“You give reasons to, Y/N.” Your mother simply crossed her arms and looked away, showing the slightest hint of shame though never allowing it to leak into the proud and egotistical persona she assumed around you.

A suffocating silence pierced the air, looming for some time until you spoke.

“Leave this house, mother. I beg of you.” You pleaded, not out of desperation, though out of sheer tiredness. Tiredness of the same argument and the same insults you always directed each other, tired of the same outcomes that only ever lead to more bitterness tainting your relationship. “Don’t make this any worse, we’ve probably disturbed Taehyung upstairs.”

Your mother looked at you with lightly raised eyebrows, inquiring. “He’s home?”

You nodded faintly. “Yeah, so leave.”

“Am I not allowed to meet him?” Your mother seemed offended.

“No, you’re not.” You stated firmly, not caring about the sliver of respect you thought you had for her and instantly pushing her towards your front entrance, nabbing her shoes along the way.

“What are you-” She didn’t even get to finish her sentence before you swung the front door open, guiding her outside and shoving her shoes in her hands.

She was about to retort until you shut the door on her, locking it. You leaned against the wood as you heard her protests, not minding her calls as you allowed your constrained tears to finally stream down your face.

It was too much, she was too much.

Why could your mother never see eye-to-eye with you? Why couldn’t she be a normal mother? Why couldn’t she be supportive? All she ever did was preach how useless you were, how selfish and ungrateful your very existence was.

Of course someone like her could never understand, never understand the value of autonomy and achieving something for yourself; she’s never once done anything along those lines in her entire life.

Her words ran deeper today than they ever have, sending a stifling feeling to swarm your chest, your self-esteem and everything alike collapsing along with your pride.

It hurt, it really did. To hear those words from the very woman meant to love you so dearly, so unconditionally only exacerbated the pain. It made you jealous of every child you was gifted with a kind mother, not daring to curse anyone for it but simply feel it was unfair. Even Taehyung had such a warm and loving mother.

Maybe that’s why Taehyung was so warm.

Taehyung.

You realized you were out in the open shedding tears where he could possibly see you, trying to silence the sobs that escaped your lips. You only failed, agony tightening your chest and growing more painful the more you held it all in. So you clutched your hand to your mouth and made straight for the kitchen sink, running the water loudly enough to drown out the sounds of you candidly crying.

Your cheek still stung, your heart ached and your mind spun endlessly, all while trying to desperately rid yourself of the worthless feeling inside you.

And it didn’t work.

Taehyung had been working, scrolling through his laptop as he diligently reviewed status reports, only to have a notification brighten his phone screen. He flashed his occupied vision towards it and caught sight of his security system alerting him of his front door.

He grew curious knowing the housekeepers were shopping for groceries at this hour, causing him to tap the notification and display the camera feed of his front porch. He was welcomed by a woman he’s never seen, peaking his curiosity.

He almost rose from his seat until he saw the woman turn towards the door in accordance with you opening it, assuming you most likely knew her as she smiled brightly and ventured comfortably into the home.

Taehyung shrugged it off and returned to his tedious reading, staring at the practically blurring lines of text until he eventually began hearing raised voices from downstairs, his ajar doors and grand home producing an echoing effect that reached his study.

Taehyung cocked an eyebrow as he grew slightly worried, discerning it didn’t sound like a friendly conversation. He abandoned his work and made towards the doors of his study, peaking towards the direction of his stair railings that overlooked the first floor of his home.

More of the conversation became apparent, and Taehyung instantly identified it sounded more like a negatively charged argument than a conversation. His eyebrows furrowed the more he listened, knowing it was bad manners to eavesdrop though finding himself doing so anyways.

“You heard me, Mother, all you do is use Dad’s money. You know next to nothing about business or the company...” Taehyung’s eyebrows shot to the sky, realizing you were speaking to your mother; the same woman you explicitly expressed was to be avoided at all costs and even winced at the mention of.

He couldn’t forget that from the first time he met you.

“...Speak with respect, Y/N, I am your mother. ” The crudeness in your mother’s voice was already indicative of your ill relationship, the harshness sounding like second nature.

Taehyung grimaced.

“...All you’ve ever done is travel the world and bathe in the luxuries your husband affords you without ever being there for me or Yoongi...” Yoongi? As in your brother, Min Yoongi? Taehyung only loosely recalled Min Yoongi lived and worked in the States, where he headed your father’s lucrative faction there.

He’d only met the mellow, though diligent man a couple times before.

“...I would never do that to my husband.” Despite the intense situation, Taehyung felt the slightest tinge of pride hearing you refer to him as your husband.

“You wouldn’t do that to your husband? Isn’t that exactly what you’re doing right now?”

Oh fuck, Taehyung thought. This isn’t going anywhere good.

“You’re married to one of the richest men in Seoul, and you think you’re not doing the same thing? Whose house do you live in? Whose food do you eat?...”

Fuck, fuck, fuck.

Taehyung became alarmed, silently drawing his index finger and thumb over his lips in frustration. You didn’t need to hear this, it was complete bullshit. Your situation with him was different, it was forced and coerced. Taehyung could tell you were someone who truly didn't favour using someone else’s money, and knew you were trying your damn hardest to adjust to the idea itself having to spend your life with him.

He rushed out into the hallway where he began pacing, trying his hardest to contain himself and hope that you wouldn’t take your mother’s words to heart. Was this why you were so adamant about the fucking card? Because you had to hear shit like this from your mother?

This was only going to undo the work he’d successfully laid out, thinking it would erase any convincing he had done about his money and what’s his is yours. This was bad news, he didn’t want you thinking any of your mother’s words were true.

They simply weren’t.

“Leave my house, this instance.”

“What did you say to me?”

“I said get out! I don’t ever want to see you again!”

Taehyung was becoming anxious, the argument was clearly escalating and he felt uneasy, an incessant feeling bothering his chest.

There it was again, that same sense of protection he felt when he saw you practically shaking talking to that Kisoo guy. He didn't understand why it manifested, or why he felt it so emphatically. All he knew was after hearing the way your voice nearly cracked, unstable and troubled as you grew more emotional, he felt the strong feeling to oddly.. rescue you?

It’s like he wanted to bolt down the stairs, physically stand in between the argument and force your mother out of the house, all while trying to persuade you what she said wasn't true.

Why did he feel this way? This was none of his damn business, had absolutely nothing to do with him yet if it weren't for half the mind he had, he could’ve found himself racing down the stairs to defend you.

Taehyung shivered at the thought, shaking it off.

“... you will end up living the same life as me, using your husband for his money!”

“I’ll never be like you, I’ll never be a cheap woman who only stays with a man for his money. A woman who probably cheats...”

And not long after he heard the slap, evidently hard and painful in just it’s sound. Taehyung immediately froze in his tracks, halting his pacing as worry blossomed in his chest. He prodded over to hide against the edge of the wall that connected to his staircase, able to peak at the sight of both you and your mother stood before the front foyer.

Taehyung felt pissed within seconds, again unable to decipher why he felt the need to protect you. Though what he did know was that he felt bothered, never wanted anyone to hurt you and he hated the very thought of it.

Maybe it was because of his considerate personality again, or maybe it really was because of you.

What made Taehyung grow even angrier, though, was the way you reacted, listening to you dub this as something that happened often, and he was uber pissed now.

You didn’t fucking deserve that at all.

It took him no time to understand your apprehension and natural disliking for your mother, wanting himself to never have to converse with her. He would most likely be rude and curt, replaying the same vile words she really had the nerve to say to her own daughter. Scratch that, his wife.

Yeah, Taehyung thought. My wife shouldn’t be treated like this.

He knew it was wrong, impolite of him to assume and judge a person so openly based on their cover, though Taehyung could tell these were your mother’s true colours, and any other persona she assumed would only be a farce.

Taehyung watched as you simply shoved your mother out of the house, shutting the door only to lean against it and allow the tears you’d hidden to fall down your cheeks. Taehyung turned his back and leaned against the wall, concealing himself to give you privacy.

He knew it was already rude to have eavesdropped, even ruder to look on at such a vulnerable moment. It was rude because he wouldn’t even be able to comfort you, only watch as a dumb-founded bystander; rendered useless because it wasn’t his place to console you.

He knew nothing about you.

He really didn’t know your situation, the relationship you had with your mother. He couldn’t step on your toes and give you advice as if he knew you, nor supply you with words that would make you feel better; contemplating he’d possibly never be able to.

He wasn’t your remedy, he wasn’t your muse, just a man you were forced to marry and now have to live with. A man who stripped you of your independence, ruined your life all just by his mere existence.

And so Taehyung found even more reasons to not rush to you, simply leave you on your own knowing he was partly the reason for your pain, your suffering. That your mother only said such things because of him, that she only insulted you because of him.

So he found himself retreating, walking carefully back to his study to mind his own business and continue his work, complete it as though nothing happened.

But as each step seemed to grow longer, heavier, he found himself unable to retreat. Unable to function knowing you were probably hurting, unable to ignore you and so blatantly turn his back on you.

So in a hasty, irrational decision, Taehyung found himself turning on his heel and rushing towards the staircase.

You continued to sob quietly, thinking if you just let it all out now, cried just about hard enough all the sorrow would leave your body. So that’s what you did, bit your lips to contain the aching feeling in your chest as your throat seemed to constrict, swallowing all your feelings down in an attempt to poorly control them.

You were in your own world, the sink’s water masking any noise behind you, and so when somebody’s hand reached out to rest against your shoulder, you were completely startled. You jumped, quickly shutting the water in a flash and refusing to look back at the culprit to save your pride.

Whoever it was, they couldn’t see you like this.

Though when you heard his dulcet, deep voice calling your name, you knew exactly who it was.

“Y/N?”

You straightened yourself up, breathing out the emotions ravaging your chest and stabilizing your voice to address him. “Hey, Taehyung. What um.. what are you doing here?”

Taehyung could hear your solemn attempt to cover everything up, feeling your sense of embarrassment practically fill the air.

“Nothing, just.. wanted to see you.” Taehyung said, unsure of how to approach this.

“You’re probably busy. You should go back to work.” You tried hard to sound okay while you practically swallowed back tears, clutching the counter of the sink.

“It’s alright, not important.” Taehyung waved it off, letting his hard remain on your shoulder seeing you didn’t reject him. A beat of silence lingered until he spoke again.

“Can you look at me, Y/N?” There was no pressure in his voice, just the same soft consideration you’d heard at the hotel suite a couple nights ago.

And you hated it, hated that it made you want to give in, want to so easily follow his request and bare to him whatever he wanted.

Until your last braincell kicked in.

“I’m sorry, Taehyung. I’m really sorry if I interrupted your work. Please go back to your study.” You voiced just barely above a shaky tone, trying your absolute hardest to sound just fine, seem okay. But the more Taehyung spoke, the more you felt your defense mechanisms slowly coming undone.

And you knew he knew.

“I wasn't interrupted.” He stated normally, his voice natural and yet he sounded so.. comforting? He was simply responding to you and yet his voice and presence seemed to soothe the sharp ache in your chest.

It was fucking poetic.

“I’m sure I did, Taehyung. Just please, return to your work.”

“I don’t need to, Y/N, I can stay here.” He was firm as he stood behind you, measly hand against your shoulder and his usually intimidating, towering figure reassuring.

It was odd.

“You shouldn’t. Just go back, Taehyung.” You attempted to voice with more strength, trying to blink tears away and it didn’t convince Taehyung in the slightest.

“I don’t want to. Look at me first.” His voice sounded calm, and it was really like honey. Thick yet sweet, so deep and yet it’s cadence harboured the ability to put anyone at ease.

You shut your eyes tightly, wiping at them hastily to rid any tears as you sniffled and turned around. You were met by his face that slightly softened at the sight of you, eyes seeming to melt as they swirled with consideration, different from his usually unreadable expression.

“See, I’m fine. You can go back to work.” You plastered a smile on, trying to stand a little more confidently, though Taehyung didn’t budge.

He only remained, gazing at the features of your face as he seemed to drape his own with a small sense of sadness, like he was upset, maybe even hurt? It was slight, though identifiable. It left you quite speechless, thinking it was all just part of your imagination.

It couldn’t be real.

But it exactly was as Taehyung’s large hand came up to gently touch the cheek your mother slapped. You didn’t realize it hurt more than it should’ve when you felt a sharp sting at his touch, wincing.

You registered there was probably a visible mark and grew too vulnerable, downright embarrassed for your liking and so you deflected him, smacking his hand away from your face as you looked off to the side.

“I’m fine, Taehyung.” You declared, and Taehyung didn’t know how to react as his hand came off you, feeling a bit disheartened. He simply wanted to help, and he didn’t want to leave without doing so.

So he still looked at you, eyes possibly growing sympathetic though it could’ve been a figment of your imagination again.

“You didn’t deserve that.” He voiced soft in sound, though resolute in nature.

Taehyung was having trouble choosing what he could say without overstepping, invading a part of you he probably shouldn’t.

“I didn’t ask for a pity party, Taehyung. Go back to work.” You said with a more snippy tone than you planned, though found it befitting of your current emotions nonetheless.

“I’m not pitying. I’m..” Taehyung struggled for a word until you answered.

“What, caring?” You scoffed, “Please, Taehyung, you don’t have to care like my real husband, it’s only on paper-”

“But I am your real husband.” Taehyung emphasized, his serious eyes meeting yours. “It’s on paper and in real life, so I think I’m allowed to care.” Taehyung retorted with narrowed eyes finding he liked that sentence, liked what it had to convey because it was damn true.

Taehyung decided on reaching for your arms to drive his point home, though watched as you again, naturally retracted from him. You still seemed to refuse him, didn’t see him in a good enough light to not cower away.

And he still fucking hated it.

Taehyung went for it anyway and gripped your arms when you began to draw away, catching you. The action nearly demanded you look into his eyes, and found yourself doing exactly so.

“Y/N, first, don’t be scared of me, please?” His eyes grew soft. “I seriously-I really hate it. I would never..” Taehyung trailed as his vision fell to the side of your face, eyes seeming to reflect concern.

You were completely surprised, watching him unmask a plethora of emotion you didn't think he’d so candidly reveal.

Taehyung brought his hand to brush your slightly swollen cheek, continuing. “I would never do this, do anything to scare you. I just wouldn’t.” Taehyung was emphatic and genuine, gently touching the fresh wound on the apple of your cheek.

“I.. know that, Taehyung.” You again felt that same urge to touch his hand that touched you, but you decided against it. “Though I don’t need your pity. This doesn’t hurt, don’t break a sweat about it, please.” You were trying to turn away from his hold but Taehyung didn’t let go, maintaining you in his hands.

“It’s not pity, Y/N. It’s sympathy. This bothers me, okay?”

“I don’t need it. I’ve got myself-”

“But you’re not alone.” Taehyung suddenly stated seriously, tone permeating the air and you just about froze. You only looked at him with furrowed eyebrows, trying to decipher what he was trying to say.

“You’re not.. alone, okay? You have me.” He spoke as though he was trying to convey a meaningful message, trying to mark his own words. “In whatever way... you have me.” It was a hesitant claim, but it felt just like when he’d made his promise to you at the altar.

And suddenly you found yourself giving in, sighing as you registered this was all pretty much an elaborate reflection of the lesson you learned not so long ago. You and Taehyung are married now, and no matter how that status manifested itself, you had to accept what came with it.

Especially if it meant him.

“Okay.” You replied simply, multiple emotions masked by the plain word.

Taehyung looked at you a little surprised you’d actually accepted that, but broke into a genuine grin you hadn’t really seen before.

And you really did like the way he smiled.

He made you want to smile too, though as your facial muscles worked for the grin your cheek stung, wincing as a result. Taehyung exclaimed within a matter of seconds. “Ah, don’t move.” He cautioned, smiling a little when you chuckled at his overreaction. “Don’t worry, Taehyung. It’s alright.”

“Alright, my foot.” Taehyung joked, bending down to inspect your wound closer than you expected, and you hid the feeling that shot through you because of his proximity with a nervous laugh, causing you to wince again.

“Hey, what did I say?” Taehyung chastised you lightly, lips in a straight line as he shook his head disapprovingly. “C’mon, let’s treat this.”

You immediately whined, feeling too lazy to get something so small and insignificant treated. “Taehyung, it’s not even that bad, why?” You pouted.

“Cause it’ll leave a mark on your pretty face.” Taehyung smiled innocently, not even caring about the effect it left on you as he found your hand and tugged you along to the second floor. Your eyes only remained widened, never letting up the surprise that took you.

Did he just call you pretty?

You let Taehyung lead you to your master bathroom, where he situated you by the counter and shuffled around for his first-aid kit. He finally retrieved the box, dabbing some alcohol onto a cotton swab and bringing it to your face.

Taehyung just about performed the action until he began struggling bending to your height, wanting to carefully apply the alcohol. So he tried different angles and maneuvered himself around, all coming up useless. “God, why do you have to be so small?” Taehyung huffed under his breath as he stood to his full height, contemplating how he’d accomplish this.

“I’m not small, you’re just really-” You were about to complete your sentence until Taehyung’s hands suddenly grabbed your waist, lifting you in a single breath and propping you up onto the bathroom counter. You would’ve exclaimed, maybe protest though believed it would’ve made the heat in your face so much more apparent.

“That’s better.” He grinned, biting back a chuckle at your flushed face and widened eyes.

Those fucking eyes.

Taehyung then found it easier to apply what he needed, cleaning up the wound precariously before dabbing on some ointment to avoid any scarring, only missing a bandage to place on your cheek. Taehyung searched for one in his kit and drawers, though came up empty-handed. He became puzzled as to where he put his bandages, placing his hands in his pockets to think until he felt the familiar scratch of a wrapper.

He furrowed his eyebrows at first until he figured exactly what it was.

And he suppressed a stupid grin.

Taehyung pulled out the wrapper and watched as you avoided eye contact with him, cheeks still clearly warm as you swung your legs on the counter in anticipation of him.

Cute, he thought.

He ripped the wrapper, chucking the garbage aside as he drew close to your face. His breath suddenly fanned you, mere inches from your face with his lips so proximal you were stupidly remembering your kiss from a couple days ago.

He was just so close. So close that you could actually discern he had this pretty little mole on his cheek, even one just underneath his eye, lining his lash line. You smiled realizing he had such unique details, even seeing he had a mono-lid and a double eyelid. Then came his obvious features, his plushy, pink lips, his chocolate eyes, his soft hair and sculpted face structure. It made you want to hide your own face out of near insecurity.

He was just so beautiful.

You watched him as he focused on you, trying to calm down your oddly racing heart, feeling the sensation of his closeness shoot through your body. He smoothed the bandage over your cheek and drew away far too earlier than you wanted.

“There. Apply something before putting a bandage on, right?” He cocked an eyebrow and looked at you knowingly, crossing his arms.

You immediately smiled at the sentiment, realizing it’s the same line you said to him during your first exchange, and you felt your heart just slightly, slightly flutter at the thought he remembered.

“Right.”

It had been a week since that incident.

Taehyung and yourself had assumed your regular lives, having to drudge back to work after a few days off.

Your mother’s words still lingered around in your head, spoiling your mood here and there though assuming the ever-so healthy manner of simply pushing the mentally detrimental thoughts away, distracting yourself with work.

You wish you could detail anymore interactions with Taehyung, though they were scarce with how rarely you saw each other. You both either just missed each other, were too busy to pay attention or simply came home too late. Even sleeping together was hit or miss, usually either of you crawling into bed earlier than the other with no real exchanges.

You could say it made you feel just a little sad, though not entirely considering you two were genuinely busy people, Taehyung an even busier person.

That all came to a full stop though one Friday morning, you were seated by the island and staring at your most recent design for a building, iPad pen twirling in hand. You were sipping on coffee when Taehyung pulled out a chair and suddenly startled you, coffee almost spilling.

“Jheez,” you huffed, “you scared me.”

“Sorry, you were just really focused.” Taehyung apologized as he placed his own iPad down, reading away.

It’d been like this the whole week, you either designing and leading projects at your own job with Taehyung the ever-busy CEO at his own company, causing you both to often sit in each other’s presence though never take your eyes off your screens.

“Hey, I wanted to tell you something.” Taehyung suddenly perked up, stopping his scrolling.

“Hm?” You looked up.

“I should’ve told you this sooner, but we have to attend a gala tonight.” Taehyung grimaced at how sudden this seemed, arms crossed as he leaned on the counter.

Did the action really have to make his biceps pop?

Anyway, you were nearly spitting out your drink for the umpteenth time because of Taehyung, eyes blown out at his abrupt news.

“Wh-what did you just say? Tonight?”

“Yeah, one of friends’ companies. 25th anniversary since establishment.” Taehyung went to bite a piece of his toast with strawberry jam.

You noticed he liked strawberries and didn’t like bread crust, making you want to smile sometimes at the child-like charm he hid underneath his intimidating persona. “They’re holding a huge gala and he’s one of my best friends, we’ll have to attend.”

You eventually came to understanding him, trying to wrap your head around having to suddenly attend such a high-end event.

“This event is also going to be our first public appearance together. It’s important.” Taehyung stressed, back to scrolling through his iPad.

“That’s alright. I don’t mind going, it’s just...I don’t think I even have a dress for a gala.” You mentally sifted through your own wardrobe, coming up short once you realized you haven’t been to an extravagant event like that since you were a teenager.

“I know, I bought one for you.”

You should really stop drinking beverages around Taehyung because you can never seem to keep them in your damn mouth. “You bought one? Taehyung..” You whined. “What did I say about giving me things?”

“Hey, what did I say about giving you things?” He scolded you lightly. “I give you things simply because I want to.”

You pouted. “Still, you don’t even know my size, when did you even have time?”

“That doesn’t matter. It’ll fit you, don’t worry.” Taehyung sent a smile as he deflected your question and returned to his iPad, not wanting to reveal that he’d secretly referred to your other dresses in your shared closet for your correct measurements.

“But it probably wasted your time. I should’ve gone out and bought it myself.” You felt guilty, realizing it probably made him compromise his work.

“It wasn’t a waste of time.” Taehyung countered, not really liking how you considered yourself not worthy of spending time on.

“I- thank you.” You blurted out before his statement could effect you. “When does the event begin?”

“7. You should try getting off work early to get ready.” Taehyung suggested, sipping his tea as he looked at you.

“Oh God, I’m gonna have to doll myself up. I haven’t done that in ages.” You held a hand to your mouth, trying to digest the fact you’d probably have to look like a trophy wife.

“I could get you a makeup artist and hair stylist.” Taehyung offered.

“No, it’s okay. I think I’ll be fine. I just haven’t been to a gala in a long time.�� You felt surprised about the fact yourself. “I’m gonna have to meet so many people.”

“You will, but I’ll be there.” Taehyung assured, glancing up at you.

“Of course, but you won’t be with me the entire night. I’ll have to brush up on my rich people skills.” You blew a raspberry, knowing you had great interpersonal skills but just didn’t like acting so fake all the time.

“I won’t leave, just stick with me the whole night.” Taehyung stated as he absentmindedly held his index finger to his lips reading an email, quite goddamn illegally if you had to say so yourself.

“I will.” You confirmed, erasing at a line on your iPad. “Will you come home early too?”

Taehyung clicked his tongue disappointingly. “I will but just barely on time. Friday’s mean meetings for me, so I can’t leave early. I’ll get ready at work, come back inside the house to get you.”

“Okay.” You’re not sure why you felt suddenly sad he wouldn’t be home earlier. Maybe it was just the usual feeling of not wanting to be alone, because God forbid you actually started getting used to Taehyung’s presence.

Taehyung rose from his seat and cast his iPad to the side, sliding on his suit jacket as he glanced at his watch, checking the time. You noticed yourself and flashed your vision to your iPad, gawking at the time and realizing you could be late.

“Oh shit, I have to go.”

“Me too, I’ll see you tonight, okay?” Taehyung confirmed as he made his way to the front door, fixing his sleeve. You propped off your own seat and began walking towards the stairs, just about ascending until Taehyung suddenly called your name.

“Y/N!” He peeked out from the front door, seconds from leaving.

“Yes?”

“I hope you like the colour, it’s one of my favourites.” Taehyung smiled sweetly, sending his last farewell before he dashed out of the house.

Your eyebrows shot up and practically gawked, immediately running up the stairs thinking of where to find this dress. He had to have hidden it from you considering he’s been doing so ever since he mysteriously bought it.

You instinctively rushed into your shared bedroom to grab a scrunchy for the day, all distracted until you caught sight of a white box adorned with a black bow sitting atop your bed.

Your eyes went wide just reading the infamous label.

Chanel.

You had to physically keep from flooring yourself, in disbelief he’d purchased you a Chanel dress. You were even more fearful to uncover it, the information of him buying it himself raking your brain.

It was even his favourite colour, nearly swooning at the fact he chose for you to wear his favourite colour. So you made your way over to the box hesitantly, untying the ribbon and casting the lid aside cautiously, only to audibly gasp.

Your eyes fell to a ruby red dress with a delicate V neckline, completely blown away he chose such a bold colour for you to wear.

You carefully grabbed the dress to take it out of its box, revealing more to discover it was a floor-length gown. It produced a small train though lifted in the front to reveal the shoes you’d wear, the skirt of plain, thick fabric until you saw the torso area; light beading expanding from the stomach area eventually leading into the skirt.

Shock wasn’t even the correct word to use, you were stunned, completely taken by his choice. The dress was simply gorgeous, beautiful in its own right and you were almost too afraid to wear it.

Nonetheless, this event was important to Taehyung, so you took a deep breath, tucked the dress back into its box and mentally prepared yourself for the day ahead.

It was bordering 6:30 now.

You’d successfully left work early, around the 2 o’clock mark to come home and indulge in a 4 hour self-care routine. It’d seriously been too long since you last attended an event similar to this, grand in size and visited by at least a hundred people.

It reminded you of your engagement party, though not entirely since there would paparazzi and would be your first real appearance with Taehyung ever since your wedding.

And quite frankly, you really wanted look better than you did then. You labelled it pretty much a disaster since you were a catatonic mess regretting all her life choices, probably looking unappealing in all your photos.

Along with knowing the impact Taehyung has, not only in the business world but in general also left you wanting to up your game. You were his wife now, and that came with a high amount of scrutiny and criticism having nabbed one of the most eligible bachelor’s in Korea.

You’d already given up ever checking any articles and avoided social media, knowing that there would be inevitably nasty and judgmental comments. This night was important though, where you’d flank him as the women he’s so-called ‘in love with’ or the ‘love of his life’.

It also dawned on you Taehyung in fact had a high-valued reputation to uphold, and so did you as his wife.

So as you stood before the mirror in the walk-in closet, inspecting your dress, you contemplated how you’d survive this night, how you would act as the perfect, most suitable wife to Taehyung.

You really wanted to hide your face out of how dolled up you looked; your makeup was on the elegant side, not heavy but brushed up to look soft, completed with red lipstick that matched your dress and hair set around your face in loose waves.

The dress looked almost embarrassingly good on you, Taehyung somehow having chosen the right sized dress as it hugged your every curve right, accentuating the right parts of your body and even the V neckline not dipping too low, but showing quite the generous amount of skin.

You couldn’t stop blushing at all.

Taehyung had finally arrived at the house, rushing inside quickly registering he was cutting the time close. “Y/N! I’m home!” he called for you, quickly checking his appearance in a mirror as he smoothed pieces of his parted hair, curling just before his eyes and revealing some forehead.

“I’m in our room!”

He approved his own look in the mirror and jogged up the stairs, mentally preparing himself before he’d have to see you in the dress he chose, almost excited about it.

He’d simply loved it at first sight, and couldn’t stop pondering what the striking colour would look like on you. So as Taehyung entered your bedroom, he became confused finding it empty. He then ventured further inside, catching sight of the ajar closet door and light beaming through.

He sauntered over carefully, peeking inside and Taehyung’s jaw nearly dropped to the floor, almost stupidly.

His eyes fell to you standing in front of the mirror, fidgeting as you looked at yourself in the dress with the back of it undone.

And Taehyung had never seen anything more pretty in his life.

He was speechless for the umpteenth time because of you, not even knowing how to begin a sentence because he might sound like a second grader if he did. So all Taehyung could muster up the literacy to say was “Wow.”

You turned around instantly, eyes looking as though you were a deer caught in headlights. Taehyung’s eyes widened even more peering at the elegant front, jaw almost slack as he scanned over your body.

“T-Taehyung.” You couldn’t think of anything else to say.

Taehyung still seemed to be struggling a little, eyes glued to you until he cleared his throat and looked away. “Um, yeah?”

“S-sorry, but.. could you actually..?” And you did it again, angling your back towards Taehyung to call to the zipper of your dress. You really couldn’t try zipping it yourself, which left it sitting comfortably just at your lower back, your skin exposed to Taehyung.

You could visibly see Taehyung flash his eyes to your skin until he looked elsewhere, nodding as he licked his lips. “Sure.”

You watched him near you, his face blank as he took a handful of your hair and softly placed in front of you. He then brought his hand against your side to hold you in place, his other working for the zipper. It was another case of his rather hot breath fanning your back, almost teasingly zipping up your dress by simple inches.

He was close again, closer than he’s been in a week and you sincerely hated it always affected you in some way. It made your chest flutter, suck in a breath you didn’t even need to hold in. You relaxed when Taehyung finally finished, his hands gripping your arms from behind as he looked at you through the mirror.

And for some odd reason, he liked how your heights contrasted each other.

He had the slightest hint of a smile, eyes seeming to gleam with something you couldn’t quite decipher.

“You look pretty.” He said, gazing at you through the reflection and you had to physically stop from beaming like an idiot. Your chest fills with butterflies, face collecting with heat at his compliment.

How could an Adonis like him call you pretty?

You bit your lip, gazing up at his taller, impeccably dressed reflection as you admired him, his every feature crafted to a degree of perfection that left you in awe.

“You look really handsome.” You complimented, watching his lips just about curve into a smile that met his eyes, and you wish he didn’t have to look so handsome when he smiled too.

“Thank you.” He voiced before turning you around by your arms to face him. “Make sure you wear a coat tonight, it’s cold.” He informed, you nodding until your quick eyes spotted his tie loosened by just a centimeter, throwing you off.

“Oh, your tie.” You exclaimed quietly, reaching for it without a thought and pushing it upwards, angling it to perfection. Taehyung suddenly froze, unexpecting of you doing such a thing and so proximal his nose flooded with your perfume, liking the scent.

Peonies.

He tensed with an unknown feeling until your gazes locked on each other, simply looking to look while your hands remained on his tie. He realized more than a second passed and Taehyung scrambled for something to say, sputtering.

“I’ll uh.. I’ll be waiting out front.” He assured as he stepped away, exiting the room quickly and leaving you to your lonesome.

This was gonna be one hell of a night, you thought.

“Remember, there’s going to be a lot of cameras and people here. We’ll really need to act like a couple.” Taehyung sat beside you in the back of an Escalade, manspreading in all his glory and you were sincerely glad he couldn’t read your mind.

“Got it, let’s give em’ a show.” You cheered with your little fists, determined as the car arrived at the lavish venue.

“Yeah, let’s do it.” Taehyung mimicked your action. “Don’t worry about getting nervous, I’m there.” He assured for good measure, gauging your affirmation.

You nodded as you took a deep breath, smoothing over your dress and fixing your hair. Taehyung unbuckled his seatbelt and leaned into you, speaking near your ear. “I’ll get out first and open the door for you, wait here.” You tensed at the action before nodding again, Taehyung making his way out the car.

He then opened your door as promised within seconds, greeting you with a warm smile as he held out his hand for you. You grinned back at him affectionately as you took it, adjusting your dress to step onto the concrete.

You were met by dozens of camera flashes and a yelling crowd, shouting various things you couldn’t quite make out. You were almost distracted by it and felt a small sense of anxiety creep up you, until Taehyung pulled you flush against his side, hand curving around your waist.

You smiled up at him in accordance, and he beamed back as he walked you two down the carpet leading into the venue, casually ignoring all the noise and people.

Taehyung guided you inside safely to where you were welcomed by a beautiful looking hall, pristine and extremely elegant. It was surely fitting for a grand gala. Your eyes caught a small crowd of photographers in the foyer snapping photos at a certain wall with a backdrop, curiosity dawning on you as Taehyung led you towards the coat check.

“What’s happening there?” You pointed towards the scene.

“Oh, exclusive press.” He snuck a look, stripping off his coat. “They’re the ones I was talking about, they’re gonna take pictures of us.” Taehyung answered distracted as he retrieved your coat and gave both to the coat checker, smiling a thank you.

You didn’t even have time to really respond as Taehyung dragged you to the very scene, the pair of you next to have photos taken. You tried to process the whole thing as he walked you over, mentally preparing to look your best until Taehyung suddenly whispered lowly in your ear again.

And again, it sent shivers down your spine.

“Just smile and hold me, okay?” Your chest fluttered for an odd reason, nodding back to him as he brought you in front of the line of photographers.

You stayed true to your promise and tucked an arm around his torso as the other draped his chest, closest to him as you could. Taehyung almost settled next to you until he felt something at his feet, noticing he was nearly stepping on your gown.

He broke away from you, unexpectedly bending down to catch the skirt of your dress and delicately fix it behind you. You heard the hushed exclamations of the photographers, most of them doting on his considerate act as you just about protested, though suddenly remembered Taehyung’s words from today.

It was probably better to stay silent.

So you simply smiled as you watched Taehyung adjust your dress, feeling a warm sensation spread across your chest when he returned even though it most likely was for show, his hands coming back on you.

This time you didn’t try to suppress anything, allowing some of your feelings to manifest into a real smile, remembering you were to appear as a couple anyway.

And whether or not there was some truth to your expressions, was anyone really keeping track?

You two began posing for the photographers, smiling in all directions and clutching onto each other closely. You occasionally tried different angles to look better, everything going smoothly until you heard someone shout out, eyes widening as a result.

“Kiss her!”

It wasn’t long before the other photographers began agreeing, encouraging Taehyung to kiss you and you had no clue how he would react. You were slightly biting your lip as you were occupied avoiding eye contact, that was until Taehyung quietly called you.

“Y/N, look at me.”

“Hm?” You instinctively responded and looked up at him, completely taken by surprise when Taehyung suddenly planted a soft kiss to your forehead. Your eyes visibly went wider, only his chest to stare at until he eventually disconnected.

He returned his eyes to you and grinned at your wide-eyed reaction, suddenly reminding you. “Smile,” he encouraged with the flash of his own boxy grin, wanting to see you smile.

And it damn well worked.

Taehyung was right about the size of this gala.

Huge.

It was grand, the entire hall seeming to be spat right out of a castle with about a hundred fancy-looking people inside. You thought it would’ve been uninteresting and difficult to communicate with others tonight and put on your best fake smile, though the night’s atmosphere amassed with champagne, good food and great conversationalists left you in a better mood than you expected.

It was actually quite fun, finding yourself genuinely conversing with the people Taehyung dragged you to meet, keeping to your promise of staying right by his side the whole night, and he kept his, never having left you.

You’d met various people, having gotten familiar to Taehyung’s high-status world of business and relations. Long story short, Taehyung knew a lot of people, and you were surprised at how extroverted he suddenly seemed.

He was practically a social butterfly, not having forgotten a single name of who he spoke to along with somehow remembering personal details about their lives. It left you impressed, joining along with his light-hearted conversation with your own extrovert tendencies.

Everyone you’d met had been nice so far, but by far the most amusing people you’d met had to have been Taehyung’s 5 best friends, the same ones you’d seen in his photographs.

“Y/N, this is Kim Namjoon and Seokjin, they’re brothers.”

Both tall and quite frankly broad men greeted you warmly, one of them having a nice dimply smile while the other was far too handsome to be looked at for free.

“Nice to meet you, Y/N.” They said after another, reaching out to shake your hand. “We’re co-CEOs of one of Korea’s largest private airline.” Namjoon of the two informed.

“Likewise. And wow, that’s impressive.” You complimented. “Might I also say, you’re both.. tall.” You had to almost crane your neck to meet their eyes, thankful for the heels you were wearing as the group laughed at your remark.

“Perhaps, though you’re quite short yourself, Y/N.” Seokijn commented light-heartedly, causing you to playfully pout and retort him. “Oh c’mon, I hear that from Taehyung already, not you too.” You giggled, absentmindedly leaning into Taehyung as he tensed, your body pressing into his.

“It’s cause Taehyung likes short girls, teasing means he likes you.” A built looking man with longer hair suddenly joked, nudging Taehyung with his elbow.

“Shut up, Jungkook. I was gonna give you a proper introduction, not anymore.” Taehyung scolded, though Jungkook persisted.

“Well, you just said my name, that’s already half the intro.” Jungkook then gently took your hand, placing a chaste kiss against the back of it you didn’t expect at all.

“Nice to meet you, Y/N. Jeon Jungkook, CEO of Korea’s largest game development company.” Jungkook sent you a kind smile and it was hard to not compare him to a bunny, his teeth reminding you of one.

“Yah, don’t do that” Taehyung swatted Jungkook’s hand away, protesting disapprovingly.

“Woah, did Taehyung just get jealous?” Namjoon inquired shocked.

“Somebody get their phone out, we’ll need evidence I didn’t hit him first.” Jungkook held up his hands in mock surrender.

“Jungkook, the only thing we’re finding in our phones is videos of you nibbling on carrots.” Taehyung quipped and it made the group chortle, yourself speaking up at the mention of a rabbit.

“Actually, I was thinking you resemble a bunny.” You simply wanted to voice an observation, though it sent the whole group into a frenzy.

“See Jungkook! Other people notice it too!” A man you hadn’t been introduced to yet suddenly burst out, though you could automatically tell he gave off this radiant energy that was infectious.

He almost felt like the sun.

“Whatever, Hoseok, you’re like a squirrel.” Jungkook countered and you digested the man’s name for information.

“And you’re a rabbit, you better buy me what we wagered.” Hoseok scolded from what you could assume, was the younger of the two.

“Wagered? I don’t remember anything about that.” Jungkook feigned innocence as he looked off to the side.

“Jungkook, we were all there that day, you owe Hoseok a vending machine.” Namjoon spoke up, laughing through the remark.

“Guys. Y/N is literally right here, we didn’t even introduce ourselves properly.” A man with a fairly sweet voice interjected. He had such soft visuals, almost similar to an angel if you wanted to be honest.

He then looked to you with a sweet smile, extending his hand. “Nice to meet you, Y/N. Park Jimin, CEO of Park Hotels & Resorts”

“This is his event.” Taehyung informed.

“Ohh, nice to meet you!” You perked up, his aura making you feel all comfortable and giggly, there was just something about his bubbly energy.

The man named Hoseok then extended his hand, “Nice to meet you, Y/N. Jung Hoseok. Sorry for the late introduction, but I basically own a bunch of famous clubs across Korea.” He laughed all dimply and warm, and he really did remind you of the sun.

“Oh wow, hopefully we’ll get to visit sometime! Clubs are so fun.” You lit up, all excited about a good club scene until Taehyung ruined your fun.

“Nuh uh, not after your little drunk scene at our engagement party.” Taehyung looked down at you and chastised.

“Taehyung, it wasn’t even that much. Don’t be dramatic.” You scolded him back.

“Alright Miss I’m-Not-A-Lightweight, I almost had to carry you.”

“I was walking just fine last time I remembered.” You crossed your arms and feigned innocence, Taehyung growing scandalized.

“Oh really, now?” He cocked an eyebrow, just about to continue until Namjoon interjected. “Looks like married life’s been treating you guys well.”

“Of course, they look practically in love.” Hoseok beamed sarcastically, gesturing towards you both.

“C’mon, Taehyung, tell us what you love about her. Let’s see the simping.” Jungkook playfully taunted Taehyung, egging him on.

“Shut up. You all already know our marriage isn’t real.” Taehyung rebutted the younger man, eyes narrowed.

You were taken aback, eyes flashing to Taehyung. “They know?”

“Of course they do, your best friend knows too, doesn’t she?” Taehyung was referring to Hana, and you acquiesced realizing he had a point.

“You know, you guys say it’s a fake marriage but you look pretty close to me.” Jimin pointed towards Taehyung’s arm still hugging around your waist, causing you both to realize and promptly disconnect.

“No, we aren’t.” You and Taehyung retorted at the same time, vision snapping to each other with shocked eyes.

“Oh c’mon, Tae, you’re really gonna say about your wife?” Seokjin teased him, playful lilt to his tone.

“Yeah, Taehyung, just look at her, how aren’t you whipped already?” Jungkook remarked as he gestured towards you, feeling shy as your feet shuffled.

“I’m not answering that.” Taehyung bit back with an irritated tone, folding his arms as he broke eye contact with the group.

You decided to lighten the mood. “Guys, please, the only thing Taehyung’s whipped for is his company.” You joked, and despite the small sense of hurt saying that sentence, you felt joy making the men suddenly laugh so loudly.

Taehyung’s shy and embarrassed expression was even more priceless.

“Oh my God, Y/N, you’re seriously the perfect match for him.” Hoseok added on as he laughed and you couldn’t help but bite back a smile, not knowing what he meant by that though taking it as a compliment.

“Alright guys, remember we had a mission: operation make-Taehyung-and-Y/N’s-marriage-seem-real-as-fuck.” Jungkook suddenly put on the theatrics and halted the group, changing the conversation.

“Oh yeah, we had a whole plan, didn’t we?” Jimin remembered.

“Yup. Gotta prepare them for nosey press and annoying relatives. We should start with questions they’d get asked. Make it like a fake interview or something.” Namjoon suggested, leading along the others as he pretended to hold a microphone.

“You’re all some of the richest men in Seoul yet you’re acting like children. I don’t know you people.” Taehyung tried waving the men off while you couldn’t help but laugh, finding them the most fun people you’ve encountered.

Childish or not, they were completely unexpected of what you thought a group of CEOs. They didn’t live up to the cliché uptight and uber sophisticated stereotype, rather open and acted however they chose.

It was refreshing.

“It’s cause we’re friends with you, Taehyung.” Hoseok shot back and it made everyone snicker.

“I got it. Let’s ask them to spill some details about each other only they’d know. Someone’s bound to ask that.” Seokjin reasoned, gauging agreeance from the others.

“Oh my God, you guys already know our marriage is fake. Why would you make this up?” You asked through a giggle, still finding the situation comical.

“Sorry Mrs. Kim, but that’s precisely why, and I’m afraid we don’t know what you mean by ‘fake’. Now tell the good press something about Mr. Kim we don’t know.” Jungkook began the skit as he held his fake microphone towards you, the others joining in as though imitating paparazzi.

“Alright, this is gonna be exclusive, pens ready?” You decided to join them, and they all nodded in confirmation as Taehyung flashed his eyes to you, unprepared for you to play along.

“Mr. Kim is quite something.” You addressed him formally for effect. “He acts all mysterious and cool, but he’s actually just a cuddler who likes tea and cuts the crusts off his bread.” You relayed with a wide grin, all of them suddenly exclaiming and reacting like a high schooler has just confessed the name of their crush.

“Oh my God, Tae, seriously? Bread crusts? What are you, like, 3?” Seokjin teased.

“Hyung, your ears literally turn red when people give you attention. Are you 3?” Taehyung retorted and it only elicited more noise from the group, Seokjin exclaiming defensively and Taehyung bringing a hand up to his forehead, sighing.

“Guys! Okay, let’s get some real answers here. We gotta know what Y/N would say if someone asked her.. maybe some things she likes about Taehyung. Let’s hear it.” Jimin got everyone back on track, attention on you.

You smiled nervously and flashed a look towards Taehyung, who still had this arms folded and vision looking off to the side, ignoring the entire situation before him.

You could tell he was pissed with the way his jaw locked, though the fact that he wasn’t paying attention made you a little more confident.

Taehyung wasn’t exactly pissed, though if he could bonk all his friends on the head a few times he would. He knew teasing and jokes were all common within the group, he just didn’t expect to be the sole target tonight, and so he decided to smoothly neglect the conversation altogether.

He was succeeding, not expecting you to answer their question seriously until Taehyung suddenly heard you speak up, surprised eyes flickering to you.

“Hmm, if I had to say..” You were hesitant, Taehyung shocked you were even answering.

What would you say?

“He has nice, big hands.” You admitted softly, Taehyung’s brows raising with surprise. “He has a nice voice, too, and... his smile.” You added as you nodded to yourself, confirming your own list and Taehyung was left damn near speechless once again.

He didn’t really know how to act, acknowledging his face as the most common thing people liked about him, rarely ever hearing those aspects of himself mentioned.

And he oddly felt.. nice.

“Awh, now that’s cute, good job, Y/N.” Jungkook praised you, Hoseok then pointing his make-believe mic in Taehyung’s direction.

“Your turn, Chairman Kim, what do you like most about your wife?” He mimicked an interviewer and everyone followed in accordance, mics shifting towards him.

“Uhh..” Taehyung became slightly nervous under everyone’s scrutiny, not knowing if he should assume his usual unreadable nature or answer their request truthfully.

“Tae, dude, if you don’t say anything then I will.” Jungkook declared, just about ready to speak again until you cut him off, snorting.

“Don’t sweat it, guys. He won’t say anything.” You really knew Taehyung would have nothing to say, so you crossed your arms and became uninterested in the conversation.

Until Taehyung spoke.

“She does this pouting thing.. with her lips. It’s cute.” Taehyung started, coming up to rub the back of his neck awkwardly and peer at anything but a pair of eyes. “Her height.. and her eyes. She has nice eyes.”

The floor had to be tired of you by now, because Taehyung seemed to make you want to fall hard pretty often. You didn’t know what to do, eyes blown and nearly on the verge of choking, unable to believe a Godly being like Taehyung just admitted to liking something about you.

Is this what it feels like to win at life?

His words kept ringing in your head, melting into a shy mess with your cheeks beyond hot, avoiding eye contact with everyone while Taehyung grew slightly embarrassed, similarly looking off to the side.

“Holy shit, you guys are actually cute.” Jimin remarked through a chuckle as he pointed at you both, you and Taehyung mirroring the same look of horror while protesting at the same time. “No we aren’t!”

And it only made the men crack up even harder.

It was laugh after laugh as that conversation went on, finding a quick and pleasant liking to Taehyung’s friends. They’d made it clear as day they liked you as well, to be precise they seemed to love you, making playful nudges at Taehyung for saying yes to someone just right for him; and you seriously pondered what that exactly meant.

It was further into the night now, the gala having picked up in activity and passed the long social hour, now leading into more of a party scene as upbeat music filled the hall.

You’d stuck with Taehyung the whole night as promised, having met more of the people he knew. The evening had been quite calm, both you and Taehyung having silently, though mutually ignored the conversation from before for sanity purposes, only focusing on the additional people you met.

Taehyung and yourself had been talking up a storm with Jimin for the past half an hour, Taehyung introducing him as his best friend and getting the full run down of how that came about. It was highly entertaining, listening to mentions of alcohol, 4AM fighting and even an incident with dumplings.

It had you three laughing merrily while music played, Taehyung’s arm draped around you like it had been for majority of the night, practically hugging you to him. He was elaborating on a story that had something to do with a dream-catcher, all smiles and giggles.

That was until Taehyung suddenly froze next to you, sight seeming to set on a person behind Jimin and he immediately changed his aura.

“Jimin, what the fuck? Did you invite him?” Taehyung cocked his head in the general direction, eyes set hard.

Jimin’s eyebrows shot up and and casually looked behind him, registering the culprit himself and turning back to Taehyung. “Holy shit, no, I didn’t.”

“Then why is he here?”

“Fuck, I don’t know, Tae. My parents probably invited him, I’m sorry.” Jimin apologized as he rubbed the back of his neck, growing apprehensive.

“Don’t worry, Jimin. It’s just.. not him, not fucking him.” Taehyung’s voice grew a little darker, almost hateful as his hand gripped around you tighter.

“Taehyung, what’s wrong?” You asked tentatively, though didn’t exactly get a response since Taehyung became distracted, talking more so to himself.

“Why the fuck is he here of all people? Of all damn people..” Taehyung scoffed to himself humorlessly, clearly annoyed.

“Taehyung, who?”

“Nobody, we’re getting a drink. Jimin, please?” Taehyung and Jimin had a conversation with their eyes, Jimin immediately nodding and moving towards a certain man you barely caught sight off before Taehyung was pulling you away. You tried protesting, but the tightened grip around you and Taehyung’s frustrated expression was enough to shut you up.

Something was seriously wrong.

You followed him along quietly until you heard a bit of a commotion behind you, able to distinguish Jimin’s voice protesting. You almost looked back until a stranger suddenly snuck up on Taehyung, draping an arm over him.

“Kim Taehyung! Where you going? Damn, it’s been long.” The man spoke as he lowered his hand to Taehyung’s back, nearly smacking it as though they were old time buddies.

Though the expression that painted Taehyung’s face said completely otherwise; he looked extremely irritated, and not the playful type.

“Hisung, yeah, it has.” Taehyung bleakly acknowledged him, said man with an arm still draped over Taehyung’s shoulders until he shrugged him off harshly, pulling you closer to him protectively.

It made the man direct his attention to you. “Oh, this is your wife, right? Nice to meet you, Han Hisung.” The man smiled and extended his hand, not knowing if you should extend yours until Taehyung blatantly cut the man off, physically blocking his hand.

“Skip the pleasantries, Hisung, what do you want?” You were shocked to see this emotion on Taehyung; rarely having seen him frustrated, trying to manage his annoyance as he gave Hisung a dead stare, intimidating as ever.

Though Hisung didn’t cower like everyone else did, seeming to rather thrive.

“I don’t want anything. I can’t just meet your wife?” He coated his tone condescendingly, gesturing towards you.

“No, you can’t. We’re getting a drink.” Taehyung seriously seemed bothered as he began walking you away with him, the harder squeeze of his hand around you indicating he was either growing more irritated, didn’t want to let you go, or a mix of both.

“Oh, c’mon.” Hisung pulled Taehyung back by the shoulder but Taehyung becomes irritated, shoving his arm away harshly.

“Not now, Hisung. Not at Jimin’s event.” Taehyung warned him as though he was crossing a fine line, and you grew afraid of what would occur if that were compromised.

“What, I’m not doing anything.” Hisung held out his arms, feigning innocence. “I gotta say though, if I wanted one thing it’d be to say your wife’s hot as fuck.” He cocked an eyebrow and began eyeing you in your dress, growing uncomfortable and sending him a dirty look, though you naturally leaned closer towards Taehyung and he took notice.

“Say that again I’ll make you regret it, Hisung.” Taehyung’s jaw was locked, a protective feeling overwhelming him.

“You’re seriously gonna introduce her to everyone but me?” Hisung looked offended. “She should know who I am, especially to you.” He tried making a point, eluding to something between them.

“Nah, I don’t think so.” Taehyung flat out rejected him, his expression blunt as he seemed to radiate unbothered energy.

“I think you should. She should know the kind of man her husband is, and what he’s done.” He said knowingly, in a daunting way that accused Taehyung of something that seemed deeper than it looked.

“There’s nothing to know, and I never did anything.” Taehyung simply denied, as though he’s said this multiple times.

“Really? You don’t wanna tell her about how you sabotage people? Use your money to buy success?”

Taehyung had to pinch the bridge of his nose, sighing out frustrated. “For fuck’s sake, how many times do I have to tell you? I’ve never done shit like that. Leave.” Taehyung finalized, attempting to control his anger.

You were trying to remain calm and look on objectively, though felt a sense of worry for where this was going, only Taehyung’s seemingly instinctive guard on you keeping you from anxiety.

Hisung scoffed, “You know, your wife should know how much of a fucking liar you are.” He spat, his vision suddenly growing narrowed as he eyed you both suspiciously. “Come to think of it, wife kinda sounds like a stretch.”

This time it wasn’t even Taehyung responding, you beating him to the punch. “Excuse me? The fuck does that mean?”

“Oh, so she talks.”

You were just about stepping forward to give this asshole a piece of your mind until Taehyung suddenly gripped onto your arms from behind, pulling you to him protectively.

“Hisung, what the fuck do you want?” Taehyung’s tone was leveled with a sense of controlled rage, clear effort to contain himself and you were completely understanding of that.

“Not much. I just find your marriage suspicious, and if I do then others do too. Wouldn’t want to taint the precious Kim reputation with that, now would we?” The remark was sly, causing Taehyung’s hold around you to tense.

“What the fuck are you implying, exactly? Try making some sense.”

“Your marriage isn’t convincing, jackass. There’s no way you two are really married, don’t think I don’t know there’s something behind it.” He stared squarely back at Taehyung, determined. “And when I get my hands on that information, don't think you're the only one who can sabotage someone.” Hisung was resolute as he declared his threat, only making Taehyung more resentful, more rash.

“Your opinion doesn’t matter to me, jackass. Nothing you do does” Taehyung was confident in the argument and it oddly made you proud, now understanding why he was so successful and well-acclaimed. It’s like he truly didn't care what others thought and only lived for the purpose of what he found important to him, contributing to his confidence and composed approach towards life. He carried himself with an affirmed sense of self-worth that never bordered egotistical, and you were lying if you said it wasn’t hot sometimes.

Because scratch that, it was incredibly hot.

Hisung laughed humourlessly, hissing. “I don’t think we can say the same about Mrs. Kim, though, her opinion should matter to you, right?” He then suddenly turned his vision to you and drew closer, speaking in a superficially saccharine tone. “Jagiya, you should really look into who your husband is. He’s not half the man he says he is.” Hisung suddenly came too close and Taehyung immediately tugged you behind him, shielding your smaller frame as his tone dangerously darkened.

“Don’t call her that, and never fucking come near her.” Taehyung was seething now, clutching one of your hands so tightly you became worried of his heightened emotions.

“Nah, I don’t think so.” Hisung mimicked him. “She should know I’d treat her better than her asshole of a husband, make sure she’s nice and satisfied with how much of a man I am compared to you.” Hisung remarked without a single care, and you nearly felt the blooding searing in Taehyung’s veins.

But you could tell that was exactly Hisung’s goal; to rile Taehyung up and it unfortunately worked. No longer was the calm, cool and collected Taehyung you knew, instead feeling him suddenly rush towards Hisung with a fist until you gripped onto his jacket from behind, calling his name.

“Tae.” Your voice was soft, immediately stopping him as you clutched urgently. Taehyung could hear the frailty of your worried voice, could feel your little hold on his jacket as he came to his senses.

Taehyung grinded his teeth hard as his fist tightened for a mere second before steadily loosening, calming himself down before he made his last remark. “Go fuck yourself, Hisung.” Taehyung spat with pure disdain as he turned around and swept up your hand, leading you away from the situation as far as possible.

He pulled you along hastily, walking with a sense of speed that almost had you tripping on your dress. You were seconds from telling him to slow down until he stopped you both in a hallway.

“Taehyung, wh-” You almost got out until Taehyung suddenly pushed you up against the nearest wall, breath hot and heavy as he huffed frustratedly, raw anger written all over him.

Taehyung’s entire towering body was unexpectedly inches from you, his forearms laid against the marble tiling above your head as he hung his own low, almost trying to conceal his face into your shoulder. It’s like he was blocking you off from any other person, defensively caging you as his chest rose and fell shallowly with white hot anger, your face tucked into his shoulder. His heated breath was continuously tickling the exposed skin of your neck, so close your heart was beating faster than it should’ve.

You were only left shocked, hands fallen slack by your sides and unable to move.

“I’m sorry.” He huffed out suddenly. “Fuck, I’m so sorry I’m just.. really angry right now and I can’t calm down.” Taehyung seemed infuriated though worried, his hands clutching into fists above you as he leaned in even closer, mere centimeters between you two as he remained pressed into your personal space.

“Shit, don’t be scared I just-fuck, I hate him. He’s the only person who makes me so angry.” Taehyung breathed out frustratedly, eyes shut as he tried to control himself. “And fuck, I didn’t want him near you. I don’t want him to talk to you. I don’t want anyone to fucking come near you.”

Taehyung’s confessions kept coming and you were simply taken aback, another show of his emotions on full display and you wondered how he always so neatly composed himself.

“Tae-”

“Just stay in front of me, please.” He begged. “Where I can see you, just stay here.” He stressed, trying his best to breathe properly but only failed. “I don’t.. think I like when other guys are around you.” He confessed out of nowhere, trying to work through the claim hesitantly at first until he eventually nodded, affirming it.

“Yeah, I don’t like it.” He declared as he continued to lean in, his proximity allowing for you to constantly smell his intoxicating, Invictus cologne; its sexy scent paired with his perfectly tailored suit hugging the curves of his large, broad body only arousing your nerves.

“God, fuck.” He huffed out. “No matter what, stay away from Hisung. Never talk to him. He ruins everything he touches, every fucking thing.” Taehyung was dead serious, still hiding his face from you as he spoke angrily near your ear. “He’s been trying to ruin me for years. He’s already tried with everything else and he’ll come for you. He can’t ruin our marriage, and I swear to God if he fucking does anything to you-”

“Taehyung, hey, shh.” You brought your hands up to his chest to try calming him down, able to discern Taehyung ever rarely grew angry and when he did, just needed someone to quell his troubles. “Breathe, Taehyung, breathe, okay?” You spoke with a soft tone, trying to contrast the white hot anger you could sense in him by rubbing his chest pacifyingly.

Taehyung immediately tensed at the action, almost in shock until he ultimately tried to breathe, slow and steady.

“There you go, that’s better.” You encouraged into his shoulder, hands resting and lightly massaging as you inquired. “Talk to me, Taehyung, what’s wrong? Who’s Hisung?”

“Fuck, I’ll get angry again.” He warned, breath still hot and heavy as you smoothed over his dress shirt, trying to soothe him.

“It’s okay. I’m here, Tae, you have me. Tell me anything.” You assured and attempted to mirror his own words from a week ago, worried about his open show of emotions and thinking you should be helpful, make sure you're supplying all the support he needs because he may never be this open again.

Taehyung’s temper was still high, more of his hot breath on your shoulder as he spoke, lips still by your ear and the bass in his voice sending currents through you.

“It goes back 3 years, rival companies.” He began. “His father was dismissed as CEO and they held a shareholders meeting to decide a new one. Long story short, he won the vote, but only by a 49-51 percent margin. He barely scrapped by, and after he was appointed CEO he found out his major shareholders voted against him. What made things worse was that right after, they pulled all their shares from his company and invested in mine, and he fucking-” Taehyung was growing frustrated again recounting the story, his body rising and falling faster until your hands snaked up to his jaw, fingers splaying across his cheeks as you held his face pacifyingly.

“Taehyung, breathe again. You’re fine.” You felt him listen to you, breathing deeply as he became more composed again, continuing.

“He thinks I sabotaged him, that I colluded with his shareholders and used my money when I never did. I only had acquainted relationships with them at the time and never convinced them of anything. They told me they chose to invest because they saw me as the better company, the more competent CEO.” Taehyung was venting, and you let him exactly do so by attentively listening, holding him.

“It wasn’t my fault, but he thinks it is. And now he’s made it his life’s mission to ruin mine, ruin anything he can get his hands on because he’s convinced I ruined his.” Taehyung sounded upset, clearly fed up with having to deal with such an incessant pain in the ass.

“Just not you,” He sounded like he was pleading, a whisper. “Not fucking you, he can’t ruin us, or our marriage.”

“He won’t, Taehyung. We won’t let him.” The pads of your thumbs smoothed over Taehyung’s skin, trying to ease him as he moved back slightly, vision meeting yours.

“Y/N, I don’t lie. I wouldn’t sabotage anybody, I don’t play dirty like that. Even if the business world is riddled with people like that, I would never do it. I’m not like that at all.” A hint of desperation leaked into his tone, eyes gentle as he so emphatically tried to convince you he was nothing like Hisung said.

And you found your heart softening thinking about the fact that it affected him so much. That while he didn’t care what others thought of him, he somehow valued what you thought.

“Taehyung, don’t worry, I know, okay? You’re completely fine. He just tries to rile you up because he knows you’re better, more competent.” You slid your hands back down over his neck, letting them rest over his strong chest again. It made your breaths uneven, registering how close he was to you, just inches from your face.

“He probably knows those shareholders chose you because you’re the better CEO. He knows it, he just tries to deny the truth by looking for ways to ruin your life, so he doesn’t have to accept he’s inferior.” You offered earnestly, rhythmically smoothing him over. Taehyung’s eyes suddenly swirled with a sense of ease, his tense body now seeming to relax. “You think so?”

“Of course, Tae. You’re nothing like that, I know you’re not.” You said determinedly, gripping his shirt lightly to drive your point forward, eyes conveying warmth.

Though the response that met you was Taehyung gazing into your eyes boldly as he heard you address him so casually by a nickname already, his look containing something you couldn’t decipher, and it left butterflies swarming your chest.

You didn’t realize how intoxicatingly close you both were in this position; Taehyung’s arms caging you against the wall, body pressing into you as he looked at you, not breathing hard anymore but hotly, like he was feeling something he was attempting to manage. Your hands funnily contrasted the size of his chest as he glanced at them, then up at him, clutching him a little tighter the more the tension seemed to build.

It was obvious now, both of you were merely staring at each other, Taehyung’s Adam’s apple bobbing as he swallowed and your eyes followed the movement, something unknown alighting inside you at the image. It called necessary attention to his sculpted neck and you found yourself wondering if you’d ever get to lay kisses on it, possibly even mark it

You bit your lip at the thought, hating that such an idea dawned on you, igniting with something unholy the more you breathed in his sexy scent, his large body enclosing you. It sent chills down your spine, trying to contain yourself by shifting and clamping down on your lip harder.

Taehyung’s eyes flickered to the very action, his undivided attention now on your mouth. He could feel every harder squeeze of your hands on his chest as the heat rose, fisting his own hands against the wall with the need to draw himself closer to you, especially with the way you looked right now.

Taehyung already couldn’t keep his hands off you when you resembled the hottest, and yet most gorgeous thing he’s ever seen in that dress. Either a sweet angel descended from heaven or the right kind of demon he craved. It was even more difficult knowing it’s a dress he chose, adoring the way you were wrapped up in his favourite colour, and thought red has never looked better on anyone else.

It also made him think of some things he shouldn’t speak aloud. Though Taehyung knew you, and knew you weren't ready for anything of that sort, so he remained collected and only stuck to having an arm around you tonight, mindful of boundaries.

But when you were under his scrutiny, smaller self tucked against a wall because of him and clearly hot and bothered yourself, your exposed skin raking his brain, he couldn’t keep from nearing your lips.

He’s once felt how soft they were before, seeing on multiple occasions how plushy they truly are and desiring to feel that same soft sensation again. So he disregarded all thought, coming forward inch by inch as he gauged your response, and when he viewed you fluttering your eyes shut and lifting your head towards him, he fought back cracking a smirk.

Taehyung was milliseconds from connecting your mouths, feeling the skin of his lips blissfully brush yours as his sweet breath invaded your mouth, only for a frantic voice suddenly calling out his name to interrupt, the very culprit tumbling into the hallway.

“Taehyung! Y/N- oh shit.” Taehyung immediately ducked his face away from you and you hastily let him go, Taehyung puffing out frustrated air as he met his friends’ eyes. “Jimin.. what?”

“I-uh. I’m sorry, but I got Hisung kicked out and we’re gonna start the last toast. You guys should um...be there.” Jimin cleared his throat and began shuffling, avoiding eye contact with the both of you.

“Okay, we’re coming.”

“Sorry, again.” Jimin bowed lightly and nearly made a break for it.

Taehyung sighed heavily, pushing himself off the wall and straightening up as he freed you, finally able to breathe peacefully.

“We should um.. go.” He voiced awkwardly.

“Yeah.. just give me a second. I’ll be back from the restroom.” You dared to make eye contact with him to seem unaffected, though panicked the instant your gazes locked.

“Okay.” He nodded, seeming unbothered.

You grasped the skirt of your dress and your heels clacked against the tiled flooring as you scurried off, needing to find the bathroom to see whether or not you appeared as much of a mess as you felt.

You bolted inside and ran towards the sink, spotting two women possibly your age by the mirror though ultimately ignored them, patting over your cheeks to feel how warm they were.

Were you really just seconds away from kissing Taehyung? Kissing him? What would’ve happened if Jimin never walked in? Would you have kissed him for however long, would you have stopped it?

Even better question, why didn’t you stop it? Why were you so ready to kiss him, maybe even excited by the very idea? It sent a chill down your spine, even recalling that Taehyung stated earlier he liked your lips.

Kim Taehyung liked your lips, the same ridiculously high-status, wealthy man people were on their knees for, practically Seoul’s most powerful CEO and Korea’s seemingly unattainable bachelor; that same Taehyung was the one who liked not only your lips, but your height, even your eyes.

He said they were nice.

You didn’t even want to unbox the entire Hisung situation. He so naturally defended you, even held you back out of consideration for your safety it seemed, and it frightened you how much you liked it, liked that he was so protective and made all those confessions about disliking other men around you.

It may have been possessive, but you fucking liked it.

And you already felt doomed.

You were simply imploding on yourself, having your own personal meltdown when one of the two women audaciously addressed you, tone light and airy.

“Oh my God, are you Min Y/N?” She inquired.

You flashed your eyes to her, answering with furrowed eyebrows. “Uh, Kim Y/N now, but yes.”

“Wow, so you’re the woman Kim Taehyung married?” The other one perked up.

“..Yes.” You answered confused.

The other woman really scoffed here, scoffed, “Song-i, it’s the other way around. She married him.” The rather rude looking woman clarified, and you found out right after just how rude she was. “The Kim Taehyung would never willingly marry someone like her.”

Your expression immediately contorted, unbelieving of her audacity. “Excuse me?”

“Don’t think we’re stupid, everyone knows you seduced him into it.” She nearly spat, tone snobby as ever.

You guffawed humourlessly, truly having it up to here with today because it seemed never-ending with bullshit. “Think what you want, but I didn’t seduce him.”

“We know you’re lying, he wouldn’t marry some runaway like you. You came out of nowhere, you clearly got into his bed before you got him to the altar.” The other one added on, painting their twisted narrative together.

“It wasn’t like that all, but if you want to think so because you’re not the one he takes home at night, then be my fucking guest.” You countered them, look sharp enough you were sure you could cut a diamond.

They both took immediate offence, having the audacity to near you and invade your personal space. “You’re not the only woman he’s taken home, do you really think you’re special?” She insinuated something you weren’t dumb enough to not catch, heart sinking at the thought.

“What exactly are you trying to get at?”

“The fact that he married you as a favour, you runaway, and everyone knows your marriage isn’t love at all.” She relayed with a snippy tone. “Don’t you get you’re just charity to him? Everyone knows it, sweetie.”

You were trying hard to think of a way to counter, though your stinging heart took the jab like it was white hot lightning. You felt crushed within seconds at the comment hitting home, sinking lower until you spoke up.

“Our marriage isn’t your business. Maybe try getting a life before you revolve it around mine.” You spat as you sent them a petty look, making your way out and almost exiting until you felt a splash of water hitting the back of your hair, mouth falling agape at the sheer audacity of what just fucking happened.

“Your life is fucking miserable. You’ll stay by his side but he’ll never love you. Keep acting like your his real wife and see what’ll happen. Everyone hates you and how you made him marry you out of pity. Watch your back, runaway, you never know when he might end it all and break your little heart.” You almost, almost turned around to land a right hook across the girl’s face until you decided against it, composing yourself with a breathing mantra and instead choosing your favourite way of leaving a bad situation.

With a snarky last word.

“Seems he’s already broken yours with this ring, huh? Stay mad at the ring bitches, stay mad at the ring.” You smiled condescendingly as you flaunted Taehyung’s twelve thousand dollar ring, walking out of the bathroom despite their exclamations and practically marching towards the hall, seething.

You arrived inside and plopped down on your seat next to Taehyung bitterly, utterly vexed as you crossed your arms and grinded your teeth.

“Hey, where were you?” Taehyung asked. “You missed the toast.”

“Could’ve done it without me anyway.” You replied curtly, all the information you received in just 2 minutes ruling your thoughts and sending you into a storm of anger, spoiling your mood.

Taehyung became confused. “Are you okay? What happened?”

“Nothing.” You huffed and reached for your glass of water, taking a large swig and nearly slamming it back onto the table.

Taehyung reacted surprised. “Seriously, what’s wrong?” He became apprehensive of your mood, grabbing your hand on the table gently as he searched for your eyes.

Though he instead found your eyes flashing towards something else, someone else before you snatched your hand away, eyes set cold.

“I said nothing.”

Taehyung followed your previous line of sight and landed on two women finding their seats a few tables away, their own eyes immediately deflecting from him once he made eye contact.

And it really only took two seconds for Taehyung to connect the dots, recognizing their faces.

Taehyung sighed heavily, feeling guilty and suddenly apologetic about the possible situation, knowing something must have been said to you.

He turned back around, “Y/N, what happened?” He tried inquiring again, though you responded with absolutely nothing, completely crossed and avoiding him.

He exhaled tiredly, this day having been the epitome of a joke. Taehyung was scanning over you again when he suddenly noticed the ends of your hair, distinguishing they were wet and he found it strange. “Y/N, why the fuck is your hair wet?” He was moving to touch the damp parts until you evaded him, tone rigid.

“Nothing, Taehyung.”

Taehyung sighed again, frustrated as he once again put two-and-two together, remembering you’d all come from the restroom and addressed you. “What did they say, Y/N? Tell me right now, is that why your hair’s wet?”

“No, Taehyung, nothing happened,” You stressed, turning your body even further away from him and crossing your arms tighter.

Taehyung determined he’s truly had enough of today and rose from his seat, you noticing though choosing to ignore him. Taehyung quickly resolved he was going to fix this, beyond agitated this entire day had been damned to hell. He was having a good time too, especially keeping in mind whatever in God’s name was happening between you two, and only knowing that it made him inexplicably happy for some reason.

Though that mood was ruined now, Taehyung shaking away his thoughts as he began plotting his approach towards your situation, entirely pissed off as he made his way towards the bar, concocting his plan.

It took Taehyung only a good 10 minutes to get what he needed, snatching the nicest bottle of champagne and trying to remember where he’d observed the two women sitting, strolling his way over to the table with his fakest grin.

“Good evening, ladies.” He greeted with a saccharine tone as he neared them.

“Oh my God, Taehyung!” One of the girls beamed. “We haven’t seen you so long, what are you doing here?”

“Yeah, too long!”

“It has.” Taehyung smiled. “I actually wanted to offer this.” Taehyung then revealed the bottle of champagne from behind his back, holding it out towards them.

The two women became elated, practically cheering as they clearly admired Taehyung more than he liked. “Oh wow! Thank you so much!” One of them thanked, receiving the bottle bashfully.

“You’re too kind, Taehyung, did you really get this for us?” The other inquired, a bright smile on her face.

“Actually, I didn’t.”

Both women looked at each other confused, eyebrows furrowed. “You.. didn’t?”

“No,” Taehyung responded with a bleak expression in near offence they’d assume that, smile wiped from his face. “You both did.”

“Wh-what?” They both questioned, incredulous.

“I put it on your tabs, geniuses. There’s 6 more bottles, by the way.”

Both women’s eyes went wide, immediately protesting. “T-this is the most expensive bottle of champagne here!” They looked annoyed, and Taehyung was all about it.

“I know.” Taehyung smiled condescendingly, drawing closer to the women and dropping his tone to a scarily low, threatening octave.

“Say anything to my wife again and I’ll make sure you pay more.” Taehyung finalized and rubbed his tongue along the inside of his cheek as he walked away, smirking. He ignored their protests as he passed by the bartender, winking for the 6 other bottles of champagne to be delivered to them.

Taehyung then made his way to you, now in a hurry to leave this awful night behind as he gently gripped your arm, speaking into your ear to not alert anyone else at the table. “Y/N, we’re leaving.”

Taehyung didn’t really have to wait, you responding rapidly, “Don’t have to tell me twice.” You were already rising from your seat, done with this entire Godforsaken night yourself.

You both stepped away together, just about reaching the hall doors until Taehyung stopped you in front, holding you by your arms. “Stay here, I’ll get your coat.”

You nodded at him and Taehyung bolted off, wanting to nab your coat as fast as possible so he could drape it around you and practically flaunt your relationship in front of everyone. He didn’t care if it was fake anymore, didn’t care for the legitimacy of his actions; he simply wanted the world to know you’re his wife, purposely wanted those two girls and everyone to see him treating you affectionately.

And he most certainly wanted to squash any of the doubt Hisung called attention to earlier that kept bugging him, entailing your marriage already seeming fake to him, and could to multiple other people.

So he retrieved the coats and came rushing back to you, having worn his as he approached you. You almost reached out for your coat until Taehyung halted you.

“Don’t, I’m putting it on you.” He rounded the coat around your body, helping your arms into the sleeves. He pulled it snug around you and held onto the ends where it should’ve been buttoned, taking a moment to think.

Taehyung simply gazed at you, licking his lips contemplating what more he could do in this moment that would be convincing enough, knowing there had to be people watching you two right now.

He realized he was staring without having said anything. “Sorry, I’m trying to think of something to do for everyone watching but I don’t know what.” Taehyung flashed to your lips and his mind explored the idea, though ultimately fought against it.

“People are watching?” You inquired.

“Yeah,” Taehyung clutched onto your jacket, trying to think as he looked at your little bundled up self.

“But I’m not sure what to do-” Taehyung was cut off by you suddenly grabbing his tie and crashing your lips onto his in a single second.

Taehyung’s eyes blew out, taken by surprise until he found himself quickly melting into your kiss, hands gripping your jacket tighter. He couldn’t help himself from opening up his mouth to catch more of yours, lips sensually kissing yours in a slow, unhurried pace.

You instantly loved the way he kissed, Taehyung somehow having taken control when you were the one who initiated everything, completely taken by his pillowy, delicate lips.

Taehyung didn’t care if your lipstick smudged onto him or how brash the public display of affection seemed; all he cared about was the soft feeling of your lips against his own, and the sexy way you wre tugging him by his tie.

He knew it would stay on his mind for weeks.

You were getting lost until he disconnected your mouths, only looking at each other with undecipherable feelings, shimmering eyes that had no clue what just happened.

Taehyung smiled before sweeping up your hand in an instant, pulling you out of the hall and eventually outside to quickly sent a text to his driver, guiding you to the curb of the venue.

He held you against him to keep you warm while walking, suddenly speaking up when something occurred to him.

“You called me Tae, you know.”

“What?”

“My nickname, you called me by it earlier.” Taehyung repeated.

“Oh, I’m sorry. I just heard your friends say it and it slipped out, I didn’t mean to-”

“Say it all you want.” Taehyung was grinning to himself like an idiot, thinking you weren’t looking at him but that’s exactly what you were doing, admiring the curve of his perfect cupid’s bow with hints of your lipstick smeared on him. “It’s better when you say it.”

And now it was your turn to smile like an idiot.

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manchesterau · 4 years

Text

my thoughts after reading my policeman: SPOILERSS of course!! (ignore spelling or grammar mistakes) (this is very ramble-y and not as in depth as it could have been sorrryyy lol, if you want specifics send me an ask after reading this)

okay...so i read the book in 3 days....which....im very proud of myself bc it takes me so long to finish books but that’s not why you are reading this.

im not going to lie to you...i liked the book. i love angst, and this had plenty of it and i liked it. if you like books such as: harry potter, six of crows, red queen, red white and royal blue you will not like this book. i know many people found it boring, which yeah i can see that, but i didn't find it boring at all. but mostly because i love boring books but that's beside the point.

the book flowed easily, there isn't a bunch of raunchy sex scenes that ive seen people say it has (i...the things ive read idk what book they even read????) and Tom does has backward views on marriage and what it means to be a wife. but he is not overtly sexist or misogynist or abusive, or subvertly those things either. to be frank he's a scared gay man in the 50s trying to not get caught and thrown in jail. that's literally it. (ill go more into detail on him later). but if you want to read this book i recommend you go in knowing that there will be homophobia (the word queer is used as a slur....3 times or 4 but no more than 5), expect outing, expect not supportive characters, and remember to have some compassion (more on this later).

next i want to go into characters: starting with tom, then Marion, then Patrick, and then the other characters. so if you are planning on reading this book or just dont want to be spoiled them....don't read the next bit.

Tom:

I'm going to get this out of the way.........Tom (who we never get to know outside of the two-point of views we are presented with, and who is being played by Harry) is a police officer in the 50s UK. to be frank when the rumors first went around I was mad like a lot of people were, which is funny because when we got those pictures of harry reading the book before all the speculation we were....happy, that he was reading a book about a gay man. now...I don't care honestly. I could call out the hypocrites (i won't) and honestly I'm hypocritical myself. I use to watch shows like svu (if you were to turn it on right now I wouldn't turn it off) and I enjoyed watching svu. I know and have seen a lot of mutuals, people on my dash enjoy cop shows like b99, or who like actors who have played the character of police before. so it would be hypocritical of me to be mad at him (this is just my single black opinion) and then go and turn on svu (which I don't do anymore).

I'm not saying that no one can be mad, I'm not saying that the anger people have at him playing this role is bad or not needed or valid. all I'm saying is.....is that I don't care. I got angry over this months ago, and all that anger I felt I don't have anymore, and I can't tell you why. Harry is playing an abusive demented husband who traps his wife in a simulation, and then he will play a gay policeman trying not to face persecution..........and that's that. nothing I can say will reach him, he's playing these roles and there is nothing I can do. will I watch them (pirating of course) yes.

anyways let's get back to tom's character (do not use my opinion to silence other black people I will find you....don't do that shit weirdo): tom is......tom?? like I literally was expecting the worst when I read this because of what other people had to say. but as I'm reading him through the eyes of Marion (his wife) and through the eyes of Patrick (his...true love, fuck the 50s I hate the 50s) one word came to mind constantly: scared. Tom is very scared that he will be found out and his life will be ruined. His family knows about him, which is why I think his father (more on him later) pushed him to be in the national service (where he was a cook, which disappointed him). you don't realize his family knows and then his sister says something and then you go 'wait....THEY KNEW???' and then you will go 'oh so that's why-'

tom does have old fashion views that you would expect of any man at that time (gay or not it's the 50s and gay men are still capable of saying sexist shit). when asked by Patrick if women should still work after having a kid he said no it's the men's job to provide, Marion said she would like to keep working, he said no when they do have a baby (they literally never did, and idk why he thought he could be intimate with her for that long to produce a baby lol). that's....the most sexist thing he said in the whole book (there maybe some small things im forgetting but nothing that really stood out). that's it. I know it's not small and that was a legitimate issue in the 50s but yeah. Just in case you were apprehensive about Tom's character being a raging woman-hater, no,....he just wasn't a true feminist yet (???? I don't know that's like..the most this book says about an issue women were facing at this time). It's still bad what he said (you'll see how Marion justifies it in the book and both Patrick and her don't agree and try and challenge him on his view).

i dont want to go too in depth but it is very obvious from the beginning he has no and i mean ZEROOOO interest in her at all (you can tell when it hits him that he needs a wife and he starts to act a littleee different but it's not romantic at alll).

i feel like my review on tom is shit but like!! we don't really get to know him without bias from Patrick and Marion. I think Harry will play a wonderful Tom (even tho he doesn't not fit the description for Tom...at all....like at alllll).

To summarize Tom: very scared gay man from the 50s who is trying to do everything he can to not be found out. his family knows, even he knew at a young age, and yes he does quit being a police officer but it doesn't happen as soon as id like but then again he wasn't one for that long if you pay attention to the years.

Marion:

😑

i just...if yall could see the notes i made on her.....

To summarize Marion: SHE IS LIVING IN LALA LAND, TOM LITERALLY SHOWS HER NO ROMANTIC INTEREST AT ALLL, AND WHEN SHE METS PATRICK FOR THE FIRST TIME SHE FREAKING NOTICES THAT HE'S ALL BLUSH-Y AND SHIT LIKE...GIRL.....

this is a note i wrote that sums up her and tom's relationship (which is more like friends then anything romantic i mean god their honeymoon was horrible and he proposed to her....nvm 😑)

listen...i can't lie and say i didn't feel sorry for her up until the end when she (spoilers: she outs patrick to his employer which ends up with him getting arrested). after that...ive never hated a character more in my fucking LIFEEEE like oh my god i was pissed

all she does is have fantasies about him being romantic with her (holding hands, hugging, etc) and none of them come true...BECAUSE HES GAYYYYYY i really....the author could have done a better job because there were so many damn red flags.

she's fucking annoying and whiny and yeah it sucked to be a woman in the 50s but you literally outed someone your husband was in love with and thought that you could just go back to being married like he's not devastated and instead of telling what you did you stayed unhappy and made your husband thing that at any point they were coming for him too.......*****

Patrick:

PATRICKKKKK

Patrick and tom deserved a fighting fucking chance i hate the fuck 50s fuck you 50s!!!! I absolutely LOVEDDD his pov and seeing Tom through his pov like it was just so damn refreshing seeing the world through his eyes and how he navigates his queerness in the society they live in. (the dichotomy between a proud gay man and a scared maybe proud but fear overrules that (talking about Tom here) gay man).

There was a lot more to say on how gay men were being persecuted at this time than how women were treated in this particular book. There were some little things here and there about what was expected of Marion as a wife and of a girl/woman at that time but it wasn't the focus.

I loved seeing the way Patrick navigated through his world of art and creativity. And how Tom seemed to fit right in with him.

I hate the things the author made Patrick go through (outed, sent to prison, stripped of his job, and later on in the present day he has had 2 strokes in his 70s). it felt a bit much but it's not too distracting (Patricks pov takes place in the past as he writes in his journal).

Patrick and Julia (more on her later) are my two favorites in the whole book (Tom is third bc he's a very multi-facted character, Marion is not even on the list) and I wish we got a lot more of Patrick's pov.

Other characters!! (speed round bc this is wayyy too long):

Syvlie (Tom's sister): SYVLIEEE IM MAD AT YOUU I WAS ROOTING FOR YOU WHYY WHYYY

Julia: JULIAAAAA QUEEENNN (you'll see why i love her at the end)

Tom's parents: his father is abusive point-blank. or at least i think he's abusive (verbally). as im writing this i am now realizing that the way Tom's mom reacts to him (sometimes crying) is bc they knew he was gay omg wow.

tom's dad is very much a man's man guy?? Picture a sexist man from the 50s....now picture him with a gay son.....yeah, I'm not surprised Tom went into national service then to the police force. you can tell he didn't want anyone to find out about Tom so he pushed him to do what he thought best and Tom went with it, scared.

overall: please do not go into this book expected things to be all flowers and rainbows...this is a book about two gay men in the 50s yall.....

there is something to be said about the tragedy that is in a lot of queer stories, I'm more interested in how white these stories are (that's a rant for another time). but I don't mind my policeman, and i think stories like this should be told. because this actually happened (here is a link to em forster's story where the author takes inspiration from, he really had an affair with a policeman!!! who had a wife!!!).

the ending is bittersweet, and i couldn't help but curse for what could have been. Marion could have not outed Patrick (which she instantly regretted), she could have gotten a divorce (she even contemplated it), they could have been more secretive, Julia could have not said what she said. I think Patrick and Tom were sadly doomed from the start, I just wish they had more time together because I loved seeing their love (the little glimpse we got) bloom into something bigger than them.

thank you for reading!! here are random screenshots of my notes as i read this lol enjoy!!

can’t*

#*#my policeman #godd this book...i cant wait for the movie #mp

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masked-puppetmaster · 3 years

Note

hey, i saw you asked a while ago why dream & techno apologists are apologists for those characters (and you liked a bunch of my posts concerning that, actually) i was wondering if you still have any more questions - and also i wanted to ask if you wanted to talk a bit about c!tommy and what makes you like him so much? like is it just the emotional attachment to him? is it the trauma? anything specific about the way in which he is written? i've always watched his pov & i'm very curious! / - red

yo yo yo hey! I think I understand it a bit more now, for the dream & techo apologists, I think I’m still a bit confused when it comes to technoblade. I see a lot about people only using him as a weapon/ him not being able to trust people / no one sticking up for him and I’m not sure where it comes from? In all fairness, I only know him as the guy who executed Tubbo / spawned withers but im assuming that’s in large part because I came into the story so late (iirc I didn’t really get into the dsmp until around doomsday, and I got most information of past events just by like. osmosis or reading wikis) so I might simply just not have enough information on techno to get it. Like, he executed Tubbo under a lot of pressure iirc but that doesn’t take away from the fact he did execute him? or things with the withers, I know technoblade doesn’t like the government and I’d go as far as to say he has a point, but was it really necessary to destroy lmanburg (iirc, multiple times). I know he was mad, but I feel like he shouldn’t have taken in that far, like from what I see and understand it’s like yes he had his points but he hurt people and doesn’t seem to care that he hurt anybody, just kinda stands there assuming he’s right about everything and not rlly looking at the situation from anyone else’s perspective. That being said like I said I came into the story really late and so my arguments might be able to be chalked up to just a lack of proper context, and even if I’m kinda annoyed at Technoblade’s behavior I still like him as a character & when techno does stream I enjoy the content so I’m not like a technoblade hater or anything I just don’t see why people can be apologists for him bcos from my pov he’s just kind of hurt people and not taken any personal responsibility for it (I mean this as in acknowledging to himself he was ever in the wrong; ex. The whole Tommy / techno betrayal situation which I think was a p complicated matter to be fair he just keeps saying over and over how Tommy betrayed him and it doesn’t seem to me like he’s even bothering to look at the situation from Tommy’s pov or rlly reflect on his own actions at all)

I just rlly like Tommy! I think at least some part of it can be chalked up to Tommy being the first streamer I watched in the dsmp and one of the ones I watch the most from (half the time I’m watching the dsmp it’s a Tommy stream) so there’s just gonna be some inherent bias towards him there like there is with literally any of these streamers. As you put it, it is kinda the trauma, haha. trauma and emotional attachment lol. I think part of it is I relate to him a lot, and I can see where he’s coming from on a lot of things, and I also just like the way his character is written. Smthn abt him that people have pointed out is that his trauma isn’t pretty and romanticized it’s ugly and yk he acts out and all that, which I appreciate. I can see where he’s coming from on a lot of things or at least understand why he thinks the way he does. I like seeing him learn and grow I like seeing his arcs both personally with himself and with other people. He’s an interesting and complex character and he’s been through a lot and I think it’s just super interesting to see how what he’s gone though affects his mental state and his actions as a character, like just from like a mental analysis standpoint there’s a lot to talk about which I think is pretty cool. this isn’t to say that he’s never fucked up or done anything wrong, because he has, but to be fair so has everyone else on this server I don’t think there’s a single member of the server who’s done nothing wrong (except maybe like. Charlie. Charlie my beloved). He’s made his mistakes but every good character fucks up that’s what makes them a good character is their flaws and so with the ways that he’s messed up and the ways he’s hurt people I’m an apologist because I can see why he acts that way, where the feelings and actions are coming from and I can forgive him for it because I understand the why. Also I just think the punishments he’s received for his actions are rlly unfair, easy ex with exile he did something many people on the server have already done at one point or another and was exiled and mentally broken down over it and rlly it’s just been like one thing after another and even if he’s made mistakes he gets way more harshly punished than I think was fair. I’ve seen people talk about how annoying and selfish his character is and when I read the posts (not all of them, there’s a nice chunk of people who are civil about it) it just seems like they’re not rlly thinking abt his character and his experiences. I’ll see people explain his signs of trauma and say it’s annoying because it’s not soft crying trauma it’s messy acting out trauma which it’s just like you do not understand this at all, do you? Or with the discs, I’ll be honest with you here. I will defend Tommy’s attachment to these stupid little music discs till the day I die. Why can’t he have his discs? They’re his , they’re not even that valuable outside of the fact that they’re his, why can’t he have things? why isn’t he aloud to have items he’s attached to without someone taking them for the sole reason of he likes them. And all I see is people saying he is selfish and cares about the discs more than people, which is literally disproven in the rp. Ranboo flat out says he’s not selfish, when Tommy takes the blame for George’s house (also keeping in mind here tommy and ranboo barely knew each other at the time, and if Tommy was actually selfish he could’ve very easily dragged Ranboo down with him) and when it comes to the discs he’s given up the discs multiple times in favor of helping other people (he gave them up for lmanburg, and then for Tubbo I think twice actually) and the one time he told someone the discs were worth more than they were, that was the moment yeah made him realize he didn’t like who he was becoming and he immediately backtracked and allowed the disc to be handed over. TL;DR he’s not selfish he’s just got a lot of strong attachments and his attachments are both his greatest strength and his greatest weakness. And he’s a kid, he’s been though a lot of things, he’s got a lot of trauma he’s dealing

with and it’s not always pretty but he gets better, he has his arcs and he gets better and learns from some of his actions, and I think looking at him and his yk. Timeline and character development and arcs and his whole like mental deal and just general character choices are super interesting and I find it fun, as someone who enjoys character analysis, and all in all I love him I relate to him in some ways and some of it also might just be emotional attachment and bias towards him as Tommy being one of my comfort streamers

& it’s fully possible someone could have just as much of an argument for c!techno, my deal w looking at c!tommy making mistakes and c!techno making mistakes and being able to be an apologist for Tommy and not for techno is more about me understanding tommy’s character better and understand the reasoning and the why behind the things he says and does, vs. techno who i dont really get and i can’t be an apologist for him if I don’t understand anything hes doing or why he’s doing it and then seeing him over and over dismiss other peoples perspectives and never rlly reflecting on himself (not to say Tommy couldn’t use at least a little of that himself- I am Looking over at his relationship w Jack Manifold lol) can be kinda frustrating but as I said earlier that might just be me not knowing all the proper context

I could probably write more about Tommy especially when it comes to the whole technoblade vs Tommy thing but this post is already way longer than you probably ever wanted to read so I’ll stop now I’m sorry I’m just hyperfixated haha and yk if anyone wants to like add arguments or points or if you or someone rlly likes technoblade or dream or whoever and wants to talk to me about that go ahead I encourage that like I rlly enjoy having those conversations w ppl provided theyre civil abt it bc like we’ve all said a million times over before eveyone in the dsmp is an unreliable narrator and you’re just going to automatically have a bias towards a character if you watch their POV most and all that so. Yk I am a tommy apologist but I watch his streams most and I’m also just emotionally attached so anything I can say has to be taken w a grain of salt bcos I’m biased towards his character

#Long post #ask #anon #red #tommyinnit #c!tommy #technoblade #c!techno #c!technoblade #DSMP #dream smp #Tommy apologist #technoblade apologist #I’m so sorry I talked way more than I intended to whoops !!!!#That’s my two cents

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fantastic-rambles · 4 years

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Im so glad there's sm1 who appreciates how well adam's character is written, i need to vent to u (sorry!).

Ok so honestly, despite all the terrible shit he's done, i feel so so bad for him. I know that with police involved it's probably not gonna end well for him, but holy shit i want him to mend his relationships and heal so badly (tho with 🍵🌸 it's probably ruined to the point of no return). I just wish he opened up to tadashi and/or 🍵🌸 when they were young, and found comfort in them. I know the majority of the fandom wants to run adam over with a truck or smth, but honestly it's his fucked up family that truly deserves that. U have no business fucking up a person like that, adam should've left em years ago(which hopefully he will eventually do in the end). Anyway rly hoping that sm1 saves him and bitch slaps his father(i actually don't remember if he's still alive lmao) and aunts.

Sorry again for suddenly throwing this at u (feel free to leave this unanswered, no worries!)

Oh no, please don’t feel sorry! I love discussing my obsessions, lol. And also finding other non-Adam-haters. <3

But yes, absolutely, I feel bad for Adam. It doesn’t excuse what he does (though what he does is child’s play compared to *actual* villains), but he’s a textbook case of an abused child turning into an abusive adult. On top of that, mental health has a huge stigma in East Asian countries, so all the people yelling that he should get therapy... while they’re right, I understand why he doesn’t due to cultural norms, as well as the fact that he doesn’t realize how fucked up he is and in his relationships with other people. The first step to addressing a problem is to understand that there is a problem, but he doesn’t see a problem at all with what he does (and his morality pet feels too guilty about his own sins to point it out), so he can’t take steps to fix it.

His family is definitely a root cause of the problem (for some reason, I’m under the impression his father is in jail, but I might be misremembering/misinterpreting something one of his aunts said--in any case, I don’t think he’s around right now), but to be honest, while I like Tadashi, I also blame him for part of Adam’s trauma too. It’s pretty obvious that Tadashi has some sort of inferiority complex--which yeah, again, understandable since he’s a servant’s child, but then why do all the secret skating with Adam? Like, he realized that it was Adam’s only safe space, and just because Adam’s dad found out, it seems like he decided to just take that away from Adam?

The scene when Adam first sees “Snake” skating and says something like “Why now?” really hit me hard, because I believe that Tadashi has refused to skate with Adam for years (which is why Adam made “S” and is looking for “Eve”), and then when he finally does, which is something that should make Adam happy and remind them of the few bright moments of his childhood (plus, Tadashi is one of the only people who can skate with him equally), he’s doing it to try to completely take away what Adam loves more than anything else, and the only place where he can be himself. As I mentioned in another post, I think that Tadashi has good intentions in trying to do this, but the most recent episode has just hammered home the point that Tadashi doesn’t really understand how badly he fucked up before.

Like you said, if he’d had a more open relationship/friendship with Tadashi when he was younger and Tadashi continued to support him secretly (which I believe he stopped doing after the board-burning incident), I think that things could have turned out a lot different/better. I also think that with Cherry and Joe, there was a chance for things to work out and make him into a better person, but he was forced to leave them/go to America, where they couldn’t have a good influence over him. And imo, something also happened during those gap years that drove him batshit crazy and looking for his “Eve.”

At this point, I’m mostly hoping for one of two endings (for Adam):

That Adam somehow is made aware of how badly he’s fucked up everything and takes steps to make amends, including confessing to perjury and going to jail, which would be a huge middle finger/cutting ties to his family/aunts. I’m kinda skeptical that this will happen in a believable way, though, if that’s the intent, given that it seems Ep 11 will be him trying to traumatize Reki again so having a heel-face turn in one episode is pretty suspicious.

That Adam just goes down in a blaze of glory and destroys his skating kingdom in a fit of madness when it’s clear to him that he can never get what he really wants. This is also unlikely since I’m pretty sure he’ll end up going to jail one way or another, but if he’s going to be played off as “irredeemably evil,” then they should damn well go the whole way. Nothing he’s done so far convinces me that he’s a villain who deserves as much hate as he gets.

But yes, I feel like Adam is a marvelously complex character (partly because there’s still so much backstory missing, probably), which is why he’s my runaway favorite in the show. His characterization is absolutely head-and-shoulders above any other character’s. He’s a terrible guy for certain, but he makes the whole show possible.

#sk8 #sk8 the infinity #skate the infinity #sk8 adam #shindo ainosuke #ainosuke shindo #sk8 snake #kikuchi tadashi #tadashi kikuchi #analysis #mine

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wsl-chelsea · 3 years

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Let’s hope Kristie went to London then and they can meet for a day or two. Think maybe it’s a bit of a rough time for Sam with the early Asian cup exit, getting so much criticism and maybe blaming herself, and especially WA borders not opening so she can finally see her family. There’s also people who, they’re not hating, but they’re quite happy to see her not succeed, which must be almost as tough to take tbh.

That mentality page she started following is not exactly a mental health page imo. It’s full of quotes along the lines of ”me against the world/don’t ever quit/haters gonna hate/don’t be weak” etc. I realise elite athletes must have a special mentality to reach the top level, but I don’t think those types of quotes align very well with interviews Sam has done where she’s said stuff like ”footballers are just people and have stuff going on” etc where it’s sounded like she has a more forgiving approach to herself and others.

I guess this is a personal experience for me so it’s not about Sam or any other player. I used to have that ”never quit, never let up” mentality and at a certain point I just couldn’t do it anymore. It wasn’t about being lazy. It was such a valuable lesson ro realise that even if I failed or felt weak, not proud of my acheivements, that actually doesn’t affect my value of worth as a person. But that took some time and a lot of talking to people to get to that point.

yeah im hoping that they'll see each other soon because she's really got it rough atm.

those sort of accounts alwaysss rubbed me the wrong way (also the bio- youre really telling me the top 1% actually worked hard for their money instead of exploiting low income workers?? 🥴 not relevant but)

exactlyy omg that mentality can be super damaging (this isnt even really directed at sam its just an issue i have with the mentality lol). grinding non-stop only gives temporary happiness and can lead to severe burnout, plus its just capitalism repackaged to try and convince people into working more for nothing (but again thats a whole nother topic that i wont go into lmao)

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iampikachuhearmeroar · 3 years

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okay i’m going to go off about celebs again…. but like…. does anyone remember the gross asf vitriol that went around in 2011-2013 about justin bieber where the joke was “more like justINE bieber am i right??? 😂😂😅😅” from the “haters” of him. i, myself, actually joined in on this; considering that i thought that liking all the emo shit i was into made me “more mature than belibers” or some other absolutely batshit backwards bullshit that i would’ve spat out at the time to sound “edgy” and “NoT LiKe OtHeR GiRlS 👩🏻‍🎤👩🏻‍🎤”….. when in my group at catholic school, i had two girls in my group that were belibers themselves lol. i honestly made zilch sense.

but like to rest on this a bit, what the actual fuck was up with this joke???? why the fuck did the whole world just gang up on this teenage boy, who through no fault of his own, was still going through puberty…. so of course his voice was still going to be high??? and then the weird fucking speculation some fucking gross ass literal grown up adult people had back then of “when do you/we think his balls are going drop, so that we wont be call to be able to call him justine bieber anymore 😅😭??? just let us have our fun??!!” like what the FUCK??? why did everyone think that this was their business??? it wasn’t his fault in a sense that he stumbled into usher and got signed.

like….. no wonder justin’s had several breakdowns over the years. i would too. because how the fuck would you deal with this???? people just throwing out so casually this horrible fucking vitriol that they think you’re a girl OR think that you should get a sex change because it’s obviously a lie that he’s a boy/man OR think that you’re not “just a butch lesbian disguised as a 16yo boy” (these were legit other arguments at the time). like he was a KID for fucks sake. who the fuck asks to go through puberty in the fucking spotlight???? fucking N O O N E thats fucking who. like obviously he’s had a myriad of meltdowns and bad publicity over the years since. but this bullshit would’ve been so fucking horrible to take during the shitty years of puberty and high school to boot. obviously, in the years since, he’s done roast battles with jokes about this, so it’s good that he was able deal with it and joke about it, albeit eventually.

but i would’ve absolutely fucking hated to have all my pubescent behaviour and changes being fucking aired and speculated on in public view, for completely random people, famous or not, to comment on and make fun of. like i’ve talked before about the trouble i had with my period in my teens. i would’ve LOATHED to have that shit aired as it happened, on a red carpet for example. or as im accepting an award or just let alone performing at a show. just mid speech or mid performance. i would’ve bled (leaked) onto an expensive costume or provided expensive designer dress (or my own clothes/outfit) because my flow for a particular month/week was uber heavy. or god forbid, i wouldve thrown up mid-press-junket-interview on air or almost fucking passed out as well, depending on how my cycle/ovaries/hormones were feeling during a particular month/week.

like this is besides my point in a sense, but still. i would’ve had this aired and speculated on if i’d been catapulted to fame at the same time as bieber (and keep in mind, he is literally only a year older than me). but my period struggles would have been spun as “are you SURE this GIRL isn’t a BOY who knows nothing about period products??? does she know ANYTHING about pads & tampons so she WON’T bleed onto her dress or the like??? what a lazy, disgusting “girl”!” or “does she KNOW just how WEAK she is for NOT controlling her period pain??? how dare she pass out mid-show??? does she know she’s FAKING IT??? what a weak person, just GET UP and PERFORM, MONKEY because PERIODS ARENT THAT BAD!!! just think like a MAN and your period pain will go away!” or some other bizarre speculative bullshit that has absolutely nothing to do with anyone else.

when unbeknownst to anyone, i would’ve had about 5 advil tablets to both deal with my utterly unbearable period pain and unfathomably blinding and mind-numbing hormonal period headache, right before the said event or interview or whatever the fuck celeb duty i was carrying out. i would’ve had heat pads on, i would have been dizzy when arriving to and leaving from sets, etc etc etc. and finally, i would’ve been incredibly tired during all of this…… because of how much my periods fucked me around as a teen, to the point that some nights i couldn’t even fucking sleep properly. or the only reprieve i would get from the pain would be the aforementioned 5 advil tablets and an all day nap. on top of all this, i probably would’ve had to BEG (all because video call interviews weren’t particularly popular back then) for some like video call interview type thing from my bedroom or home studio or whatever, just to avoid going into an actual studio & set so i could just lay in bed or sit somewhere comfortable for the whole interview. and again etc etc etc because of all the other problems i had with my periods in my teens til my early fucking 20s, that i’ve mentioned several times on/in various posts on this hellsite over the years.

and the same goes for female stars like sasha pieterse from PLL when she opened up about her struggle with PCOS, and halsey with sharing her struggle with endometriosis. i would’ve hated to go through those medical conditions in the spotlight. i feel for them. it’s also the same thing with boobs: where the most famous example in recent years is ariel winter from modern family….. with how she needed a breast reduction because her boobs were giving her back problems and stuff, because she was like an F cup or something. and she also hated the creepy ass comments she was getting from gross dudes about how nice her boobs were or whatever the fuck, even while she was still a teen on the show.

anyway. back to bieber. i only say this because literally like last year or in 2019, the bieber joke appeared in my feed again in the first time in YEARS and i ended up tagging one of my old catholic school friends like “how the fuck do people still think this is funny?? it’s so 2011. and come to think of it, it was never funny in the first place anyway”. like both the media and the public had absolutely no right to speculate this shit and invade a young teen boy’s privacy like this??? it was so fucked up. idk why i didn’t make a post about it at the time…. but it also came into my mind just now because i commented on a post about justin bieber the other night about how he’s had fans stalk him to his nyc apartment again. like when the actual fuck will people fucking learn to let celebs have their goddamned privacy lmao.

#life #about me #shut up ilona

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espinosaurusrexex · 5 years

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Hater

In which Y/N tries to convince herself that she does not have any feelings for Jeff and miserably fails.

warnings: cursing, a really bad apology (like damn I’m sorry im bad at conversing and it shows lmao)

a/n: For the really nice @ilsolee, who requested something from my Drabble List. Thank you for requesting this. I loved this concept and even played with the thought of breaking it into a series (I ended up not doing that but if you want me to next time, to make it a little longer or even more detailed, just tell me).

As always, I’m open to feedback :)

4. Right now, you’re just being really annyoing.

6. How come you’re still so stubborn, Sugar?

21. Can I kiss you?

word count: 3.8k

She hated him. She hated his dumb smirk and his overly attractive body. She hated the way he talked to her and how he didn't seem to care about people when he interacted with them. His cringy beard triggered her and the muscles on his body intimidated her. There was nothing on this man that could attract her to Jeff Wittek.

Well, those were the points. And Y/N wasn't going to change her mind about this awfully handsome man. At least she didn't want to and found herself relaxing every time she dug a little deeper to find more reasons, why she could hate him. As if him being an ex convict wasn't enough reason to keep a distance, Y/N was intrigued by slipping into his past to be a step ahead for every comment he spat her way. That way she could tell herself that, no matter what he would say to her, she knew something about him that nobody else did. And that gave her the feeling of superiority she seeked a little too often these days.

“What do you think about that, Y/N”, Jeff questioned and raised his eyebrows at her, who had yet to answer his question. There it was again: that stupid smirk. God, she wanted to smack it out of his face every time she saw it. And not the gentle way. The way that would leave a red mark in the form of her hand for several hours. Though it was really hard for her to resist that urge right now, she settled for a snarky comment instead.

“I think that right now, you're just being really annoying.” A low hush went through the room and Y/N noticed Jeff’s face scrunching up in a faked, pained one. He continued to place his hand above his heart before relieving a loud cry.

“You're so mean! Oh god, I think I have to kill myself now.” The rest of their friends laughed, which made Y/N feel quite uncomfortable.

“Bohoo, you gonna call your mom now?” Y/N scooched deeper into the cushions as she noticed how childish her behavior had been the whole day.

“Honestly, doll. If you want to upset me, you have to come up with some better roasts. That shit was weak. I feel like I’m arguing with a fifth grader.” Y/N groaned. Another thing she hated about Jeff: him calling her ‘doll’ in that dumb Jersey accent of his.

Sending a growl over to Jeff, Y/N stood up and headed towards the kitchen. She rummaged through the cabinets until she found something to snack her anger away on and proceeded to snatch a water bottle from the fridge. She sat on the counter of David’s kitchen and stared at the white tiles a little longer until she felt a hand on her shoulder and a whiff of strawberry entered the room. Carly. Honestly, Y/N didn't want to talk right now. Drowning her anger in food and tv shows seemed far more appealing to her than engaging in a discussion about her well being or a certain other person she didn't want to think about right now. She knew she had embarrassed herself. Not only today, but all the other times she would start to bicker with Jeff about the most random things.

“Hey Y/N/N…” Carly pushed herself up on the counter next to her and took a cookie from her friend's hand. She knew that Y/N didn't want to talk, but she also couldn't help but wonder what fed the deep hatred her best friend had for Jeff. A man, who had actually been pretty nice and funny to Carly during the time they had known each other. Sure, he wasn't the nicest to Y/N, but that was mainly, because her friend never had anything nice to say towards him, either. Carly would have reacted the same way, if somebody would greet her with such an attitude from day one on. She couldn't bring herself to ask Y/N, though. Knowing deep down that she probably had a good reason to behave the way she did.

A nudge ripped Y/N out of her trance. “Jeff is actually pretty nice, you know?” The platine blonde murmured while glancing back to the living room in which most of their friends gathered at the moment. Jeff shared a short glance with her before turning his attention back to the discussion that was going on.

“Carly, I’m not magically going to love that guy just because you say he’s ‘pretty nice’.” Y/N chuckled in a mocking manner and turned her head towards her best friend. “I don't like him and that’s final. I find reasons to not like him every day and that is ok. I don't have to like everybody you're friends with. If you want to hang out with a former convict, then do it, but don't expect me to join you again.”

Carly sighed before hopping down from the counter to stand between Y/N’s legs. She looked into her eyes, trying to find a hint of sorrow in them, but nothing. Not even a little bit of dishonesty glimmered in her orbs. She let her head down, shaking it in the process.

“If you say so…” Carly went back to the common area and Y/N was left to sit alone again. She stared at the ceiling for a while and then at the walls. After a couple of minutes, that got pretty boring, so she just decided to leave. She didn’t need them to have fun. And she definitely didn't need to show them how bothered she was by her friends hanging out with people that didn't appreciate her.

It had been a week since her last encounter with Jeff and Y/N couldn't help but feel pretty good about avoiding any situations regarding him. She occupied herself with paperwork and her dog, Dax. Fully ignoring the fact that she felt a little lonely inside, she watched her friends’ Snapchat stories daily. The restaurant she was working at had not been that busy the last couple days, which lead to Y/N getting off early and left to spend even more time in her Apartment, alone, with Dax, of course.

Another week went by and to say the least, Y/N was bored. Her daily routines had consisted of eating, working, and sleeping. She had finished pretty much every series existent on Netflix and there was nothing else to do. She found herself sitting on her phone again. This time, almost envying the fun her friends had without her. But she couldn’t bring herself to text them. She needed to prove it to herself and them that she didn't care if they hung out with people she didn't want around. Mainly, she needed to convince herself, but that facade began to falter with every minute that went by.

A sudden knock on her door echoed through the room and Y/N got up quickly. Too excited that something was happening, she sprinted to the door and basically ripped it open. The handle rammed into the wall and left an evident hole, but Y/N didn’t care.

“I’m done with your shit ass attitude!” Carly stormed into the apartment with heavy steps and came to a stop at the dining table. The confusion was clearly written over Y/N’s features as she watched her best friend stand in front of her with crossed arms.

“What do you mean?”

Carly scoffed. An action she had perfected over the years she had known Y/N. “I will not stop hanging out with Jeff, just because you don't like him! Accept that for God’s sake!” Her chest was heaving and Y/N had not seen her friend this furious in a very long time.

The tension between them began to rise, but Y/N wouldn't break. “Well then you have a problem, because I will not ‘hang’ with the devil himsel-” But she was cut off by the blonde.

“Jeff. It’s Jeff! You know, you could actually say his name for once! He’s a human being just like everyone else. And it's not fair that you treat him like shit just because of his background. I didn't think that I was friends with a person that is so selfish and shallow that they would reject people based on the things that happened in the past. We all know what he did! And it's not like he is a killer or psychopath! Especially the people in our group of friends should be able to rely on each other and not be scared that there will be talking behind their back. Because you know what?! That’s exactly what happened with Trisha and now everyone hates her! Do you want that?! Then just say it because I need to know!”

Her words were like a wake up call. One that hit deep in the gut and spread through the body in hives of pain until it reached the brain and it could actually register what had just been said. Y/N trained her eyes on the floor. If Carly put it that way, it did sound like Y/N had grown into a horrible person. A person, she most certainly didn't want to be. Not in her or anyone else’s eyes. It pained her to see, how wrecked her friend got by the thought of Y/N being like the person Carly had described seconds before.

“Y/N! Fuck! Say something! … God damn it, I need by best friend back and I need to know if she’s still here.”

With that, Y/N couldn't hold it anymore. A loud sob escaped her lungs and the tears followed soon after.

“I’m so sorry, Carly.” , she sobbed as she tried to stop the tears from falling, “I’m so sorry, I’m a horrible person…”

Through blurry eyes Y/N could see her friend trying to prevent some tears from falling as well, but she kept quiet. Waiting for an explanation on her end.

“I don’t hate him. I don't hate him for his past or his humor I don't hate him at all. God why is this so hard?!” Y/N kept wiping away the salty wetness on her cheeks and proceeded to talk. “I just thought that… if I told myself that I didn't like him, I would believe myself, eventually. I don't care if he went to jail or prison or whatever. I don't care at all… I just wanted to protect myself and I guess, I went a little too far…”

Silence. It was crushing and if silence had a sound in this second, it would have been something that would make your ears explode. Carly knew, what her best friend meant when she said ‘she wanted to protect herself’. It had been a secret between the two of them, but Y/N didn't exactly have the best relationships in the past. In fact, Y/N and her ex-boyfriends all ended on bad terms. And it had taken at least three month and about five pounds of ice cream or chocolate to make her leave the house again, every time. Y/N didn't seem like it, because of her sassy attitude, but she got attached too quickly and fell way too hard. Carly should have suspected it, seeing that Jeff checked pretty much all of the boxes Y/N’s ex’s did, too. She felt regret rushing through her for throwing those words at her, but she was fairly desperate herself, being without her best friend for over two weeks. They had both been too stubborn to text each other and now they saw what it did to them. They were both devastated and exhausted. It didn't do anyone any good if those two were not together at least once a day.

“You have to tell him.” Carly spoke after ten minutes of remaining silent.

This made Y/N snap her head up again. “I can’t! Not after everything, I have said to him!” Her eyes were wide in shock and she stepped closer to the blonde girl leaning on her table. “Besides, we both know that the last weeks were just foreshadowing of what would happen if Jeff and I would… “ She didn't speak any further, noticing that she had actually said his name out loud for the first time.

“Well, you have to at least say something to him! Apologize. Because whatever is happening right now, is just childish.”

Carly was right. Y/N hated when her friend was right. And even though it was probably going to be more embarrassing than her fist time, she knew that she had to talk to Jeff.

Believing that nothing would change her mind about said man was probably a stupid thing to do. To say she was nervous to talk to somebody, she had spent the past year insulting, even more so. The whole time, she was so focused on his background and things magazines and haters wrote about him, she had never even considered to investigate further into his personality. Not that she had thought it was going to be any better than her assumptions, anyway. Though, she never had a friendly conversation with him, she had to admit that she had always been the one starting the snappy comments and he probably just followed along.

With that in mind, Y/N stood at a balck door with the number 703 printed on it in gold. How was she going to approach this? She didn't know, either. But she knew that she had to fix it somehow. Y/N wasn't a bad person after all and seeing that she had the opportunity to at least try and fix things, cleared her conscious a little.

She knocked on the door gently, secretly praying that noone was home and she could just push this event to another day, but her hopes were shattered after a few seconds. The door opened and behind it was the man himself. Shirtless, of course. He had a toothbrush in his right hand and was holding the door open with the other. The light from the window behind him made his body glow in a sunrise-orange tone and Y/N had to scold herself for comparing him to an image of Adonis right there. His questioning facial expression changed to a cocky one as soon as he registered who had been interrupting his morning routine on this day and he moved his body to the side to motion for her to come in. Y/N followed his demands, inspecting his home. Even though she had known him for several months now, she had never even seen his apartment complex before. And looking at the plane walls surrounding rooms that were provided with a minimum of furniture, she decided that she had not missed out on anything. It was the typical man cave. With its lack of decoration and the fminine touch that made every home a home, it appeared rather unwelcoming and cool to her.

Jeff returned from the bathroom without the toothbrush and went to the fridge to get some water.

“What did I earn your company with on this fine morning?” Jeff cocked an eyebrow at the woman standing in his living room. It was pretty relaxing that she had not started this morning with an argument and Jeff didn't know it yet, but Y/N was about to surprise him for the second time today.

With that, Y/N turned to him and took his body in one more time before shrugging her shoulders and continuing to look around his apartment. The apology she had planned was weighing on her chest, but now that she was actually standing here with him, alone, she didn't know if ‘I like your shirt’ was the best entry into this conversation. Apart from the fact that he was not even wearing a shirt, it was the best Y/N had come up with for an icebreaker.

She noticed some dog toys on the floor and decided to settle with that for the start.

“I Have a dog, too.” Y/N motioned to the water bowl next to her and forced a smile on her face to try and hide the humiliation that spilled over her in a giant wave.

Jeff looked into her eyes intently and answered with a frozen expression. “Yeah mine died last week.”

“Oh.” ‘I like your shirt’ suddenly seemd a lot less stupid. Y/N escaped a nervous laugh as she tried to come up with something to say, but Jeff just chuckled after noticing her puzzled expression.

“Just kidding, Nerf’s at the groomers.” A rush of adrenaline filled Y/N veins by those words. He was a dick, but she had to get this over with, somehow. Otherwise, Carly would whoop her ass and send her back to his door, right after and Y/n was not planning on this event to happen.

“Why don't you just tell me something you hate about this place and we take our separate path’s again?” Jeff was serious. He couldn't figure out, why she was here, or what she could possibly want from him, other than a battle of words, he would win anyways. So when Y/N fell silent again, he couldn't help but wonder if this was about something bigger than just another snarky comment.

“No.” Y/N looked away. Too big was the embarrassment she would face in the next minutes, if she was really going through with her plan of apologizing.

They had come so far already, not being caught up in an argument about something inconsequential for the whole time they were in his apartment and jeff could sense the conflict in her mind from a mile away. He was a pretty good liar himself and that subconsciously helped him to read people fairly well.

“How come you’re still so stubborn, Sugar?” A smirk snugg onto his face, again while he approached her from behind, trying to turn her focus to him.

Y/N had shivers running down her spine with those words. There was no denying, anymore. Jeff was an attractive man, but the fact that he knew it, gave her enough reason to not let him know how she felt about him. It was tough, and seeing that he had a dog, left her wondering if there weren't many more things they had in common.

She turned around and stared up at him. Jeff was dangerously close to her, but Y/N did not attempt to increase the distance between them. It was uncomfortable to say the least, but the things she would say next were uncomfortable, too. Where was the point in changing anything about their current situation when she knew that it only got worse from here on? Exactly, there was none.

“What I’ve been meaning to say is that… I’m sorry. I have been mean to your for the sake of keeping you off my mind and it didn't even work. I just started beef with you, because I was scared. I was scared to face the fact that you are a pretty nice guy and on top of that someone I could actually fall for. You have been nothing but nice to all of my friends and even me. That is, until I started to open my stupid mouth. I’m incredibly sorry, Jeff. I hope you know that everything I said to you was not to be taken seriously. And that I’m not mad at you for the things you said to me. I honestly think, I deserve for those to be tattooed on my forehead for my shitty behavior. I’m… ugh… I’m just sorry and I hope that we can start over. I would love to be your friend if you want that, too. Though, I would understand if you don’t. I’m sorry, I truly am.”

That was a much needed release of pressure, which was crushing Y/N’s soul with every second she had to hold it in. The hardest part was over. Now, she just had to deal with the consequences. And those were something Y/N surely did not expect.

“Can I kiss you?”, was all he said as he searched for her eyes in the glimmer of the morning sun rising outside his windows.

A shocked expression covered her face. She had just overcome the most embarrassing thing she could imagine and Jeff had totally ignored her. Rude.

“What?”

Jeff chuckled. “It's just, what you just said was pretty hot and I would just like to kiss you right now.”

Noone had ever initiated a kiss this casually and Y/N didn't care anymore at this point. She knew that the second Carly had told her to talk to Jeff, her mission of protecting herself from him and the eventual heartbreak, would be cancelled. And she was a 100% right.

“I guess I have a thing for people apologizing. Especially if they are as pretty as you.” Y/N shivered. That was, in a weird way, the sweetest thing she had heard in a long time and she couldn't help but nod her head ‘yes’.

Jeff didn't hesitate for another second. Too strong was the longing he had felt for her from the second she introduced herself to him months ago. He pushed his lips against hers, forcing her to stand on her tippy toes and locking her hands on his shoulders for support. They shared a closed mouth kiss for a couple of seconds before Jeff grabbed the back of her head with one hand. The other sneaking down her spine and stopping at the small of her back to push her even closer to him. A small whimper escaped Y/N’s lips and Jeff took that opportunity to slide his tongue in her mouth to french kiss. He explored her mouth, not leaving one corner untouched or unappreciated. Jeff was good at it. He was so good at it that Y/N just let herself fall into the kiss and let him take the lead, not even ringing his tongue for dominance. After a couple of seconds, she snuck her hands up his neck and buried her fingers into the buzzed hair on the back of his head. The stubbles tingled her skin and she just melted farther into his body.

They broke apart after what felt like hours. Both panting, they looked at each other still wrapped into one another. There was a comfortable silence and tension between the two of them that was buzzing in their heads like electricity.

“You know, I always liked you, Y/N. I knew you would drop your act, eventually and just be mine.” Jeff grinned down to her, knowing he had finally won her over.

“Keep up that attitude and I can't promise anything.” Y/N smiled, too. She was willing to see where this was going, but for now she would just live in the moment and enjoy the time, in which no one gave her a reason to worry about anything. Especially not Jeff.

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