#have to go to training in like 1/2 an hour. very nervous

[milkweedman]

Admittedly its not easy to get photos of this scarf, but it's finally done ! 17 different colors at about 5 inches (13 cm) per stripe. Done entirely in cotton. It's very heavy and not super warm but it is really good against the wind, so it's well suited for here.

[vbecker10]

Hi V!

How are you? I have add and i havent seen very many fics with someone who has add/adhd so i wanted to send this to you since i know you will do amazing with it! I have a fic idea request for you:

You are a new recruit to join the avangers one day you are in the gym with steve learning a new skill but you can't focuse or follow details instructions thanks to your add/adhd later on you are in your room trying to get a list of to dos but you get frustrated/can't get the chores done/distracted

Easily Distracted (Part 1)

Part 2 / Part 3 (in progress)

Pairing: Steve Rogers x female reader (Y/N) - reader has ADHD

Summary: You've recently graduated from the SHIELD Training Academy and you couldn't be more excited or more nervous to start working as a probationary agent. You study and train, trying every way possible to prepare yourself for your evaluation in three months but your ADHD threatens to derail your progress, and so does Loki. Captain Rogers sees you struggling to succeed and steps in to help you in any way he can.

Warnings: Self-doubt, Loki being an ass, mild swearing (which Steve does not approve of), feeling like giving up

Background: Female reader has ADHD (Attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder) with the following symptoms: inattention, hyperactivity, difficulty listening and finishing tasks, losing important things frequently, becoming distracted or sidetracked easily, trouble following instructions, difficulty staying organized and managing time

A/N: Thank you so much for sending this request @animnerd! I absolutely love it. Sorry it took me so long, I kept getting distracted while I worked on this one which I think is super ironic lol. We talked about this a bunch and I ended up tweaking the ask a bit to make it a longer story 🙂 I really hope you like this 💚

Thank you so much for these amazing dividers @jiyascepter I absolutely love them!

Also, this is officially my first Steve Rogers x reader fic so I hope you all like it! I just ended up tagging a few people from my Loki list cause I don't have a Steve list 🫣

Day 1

You take a seat in the middle of the bus and huff a sigh of relief that you are finally on your way. The Avengers Tower is just under half an hour from your small, one bedroom apartment but it's all you can afford right now. It's only for a few months, you remind yourself with a hopeful smile.

Pulling your backpack onto your lap, you unzip the largest pocket and begin to double cheek that you have everything. One of the more annoying parts of your ADHD is how unorganized it can make you feel, this often results in you forgetting or losing things. The more important the item is, the easier it is for you to misplace it apparently. You mumble to yourself quietly as you feel around for your laptop, pens, ID badge and various other items you thought would be helpful today.

You sit back, bag still unzipped with your hands frozen as you think, I can't believe it's actually my first day as a probationary agent for SHIELD! I'm going to meet the Avengers and train with them, go on missions with them- your thoughts suddenly shift and you slump in your seat. If I make it to the end of the three month probationary period.

You survived the two year long SHIELD Training Academy, but just barely. Having ADHD made following detailed instructions, focusing on long lectures and completing multi-step tasks extremely difficult. You struggled daily but never gave up, passing all of your exams and earning one of twenty probationary positions available in the New York office.

I can do three more months, you think positively, looking out the window of the bus as the city passes slowly. The next three months will be full of nonstop procedural meetings, group and one on one training sessions and skill assessments until your written exam and field evaluation. Three months to find out if I'm assigned a post as a field agent, an analyst or if I'm going to be fired and have to work mall security for the rest of my life, you think as the bus comes to a brief stop.

You're mind has wandered so far that you don't notice the announcement the driver makes until the bus starts moving again. Looking up from your still wide open bag, you see the Tower get further away and you immediately panic as you realize you missed your stop. You zip your bag quickly and run up the aisle. The driver rolls his eyes at your plea to be let off and opens the door at the next red light. You thank him and take off running the five blocks back, knowing you were already late when you left your apartment.

------------------------------------------------

You push through the most annoying revolving doors ever designed and step into the lobby of the Tower. Without stopping, you head for the elevators but a security officer gets up from his desk and yells for you to stop.

"Sorry," you walk back towards him, opening your bag as you dig around for your temporary ID badge. "I work here, I'm new," you explain with an awkward smile.

Happy sighs, sensing your nerves and says, "You need to take a breath and slow down. Scan your badge here then put it on, picture out and don't take it off while you're inside the building."

You nod, trying to take a deep breath as you set your ID badge in the scanner. It flashes red and Happy motions with his hand for you to flip it over. You laugh nervously and flip your ID but the screen lights up red again and you look at him with an awkward shrug. He takes the badge from you, rotates it, scans it and hands it back to you.

"Thanks," you put the lanyard around your neck, fidgeting with it immediately.

"Probationary agent orientation is on the tenth floor with Captain Rogers," he tells you and you nod, looking towards the elevators. "Good luck," he waves at you when you take off and you hear him mutter, "You're gonna need it."

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"You're late," the tall, blonde super soldier says, crossing his muscular arms over his chest when you open the door to the small conference room. The nineteen other probationary agents in your unit turn to look at you as you stand frozen in the doorway.

"I know, I'm sorry, I-" you try to explain, panting hard from running down the hallway.

"I don't want excuses. You are expected to be on time," Captain Rogers says sternly, cutting off your words. He motions to an empty seat in the front of the room, his eyes tracking your path to the chair.

You nod and sit quickly, nearly knocking over the vacant chair with your bag. "Sorry," you offer a hushed apology to the surrounding agents who mumble and whisper to each other. You know most of them from the academy, although not well as you had been too focused on trying to pass to make any friends. They are clearly surprised you were accepted into this program and to be honest, you still are too.

"Agent Y/L/N, is it?" he asks, looking up from his clipboard as he flips back and forth between the pages. You are too absorbed in unpacking your laptop from your bag to realize he is speaking to you. He takes a few steps towards you, waiting for you to look up and acknowledge him but you don't. "Agent Y/L/N," he says a bit louder, towering over you.

You let out a startled gasp and sit up straight, nearly knocking over the coffee of the person next to you when you bump the table. "Yeah?" you ask without thinking and he raises his eyebrow in response, waiting for you to correct yourself. "Um," you clear your throat. "Yes sir, Captain Rogers."

He grips the clipboard tightly with one hand and leans down towards you, his blue eyes never leaving yours. "You will not be late again, understood?"

"Yes sir," you nod in agreement, looking up at the super soldier.

He sighs and turns away from you, clearly annoyed but ready to move on thankfully.

By the time you've set up your laptop, Captain Rogers has started to erase all the information that was written on the large white board. You hold back a groan and try to type the remaining notes as quickly as possible, already knowing you'll need to reorganize them later.

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By the end of the day, you have officially gotten lost 3 times, been late to all but one of your meetings and left your ID badge in the woman's bathroom twice because the lanyard annoyed you.

You sigh deeply, placing your bag on one of the desks in the furthest corner of the library. You pull out the chair and prepare to settle in for a long night of review like you did every night in the academy. You need to organize all of your notes and study the map of the Tower. You take out your headphones and search on your phone for the right playlist, hoping the music will help you focus.

You open your laptop and think, tomorrow has to be better than today or I won't even make the 1 month mark.

Day 2

A loud banging sound wakes you suddenly and sit up right in surprise, breathing rapidly. You look around, your hands gripping the desk and you spot Loki leaning against a nearby bookshelf with an open book in his hands. He looks down, flipping through the pages slowly seemingly unaware of whatever woke you. You rub your eyes and wonder what made that sound then suddenly it occurs to you that you are still in the library.

"Good morning agent," Loki says, closing his book and tucking it under his arm.

You stretch your back and use one hand to hide a yawn before realizing he smiling at you. "Oh, morning," you respond a bit wary of his friendly expression. You hadn't met Loki yet but you had heard stories about him, everyone in the academy had. You look around for your phone but it's not on the desk, you must have knocked onto the floor while you slept.

"I would have thought you had somewhere to be this morning," he says in a smooth voice.

You see your phone on the floor, pushed back to the wall. "What?" you ask, barely paying attention to him as you get up from the chair and crawl under the desk to reach for your phone.

"It's nearly 10am agent," he says and you lift your head quickly, slamming it on the underside of the desk.

"Fuck!" you yelp and rub your head with one hand, the other grabs your phone and you get to your feet. You gather your belongs as fast as you can, shoving everything into your bag without noticing the smirk that spreads across Loki's face.

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The second the elevator doors open, you run down the hall towards the gym for your first one on one training session with Captain Rogers. You were already terrified about it, you didn't need to be late too.

You arrive at the gym, completely out of breath and swear when you pull on the door handle and it doesn't budge. "What the hell?" you ask, pulling the handle again then remember you need to swipe your ID badge. You reach for it but the lanyard is missing from your neck. "You've got to be kidding me," you mumble then kneel on the ground, taking off your bag and setting it in front of you. Pulling the contents out, you quickly lose hope that you'll find it.

The door opens and you look up from the ground at Captain Rogers. "Oh, you're here early," he checks his watch.

"I'm early?" you ask utterly confused, sitting back on your heels. You check your phone which you realize you haven't done yet. It's 7:45, an hour and 15 minutes before you even need to be at the Tower.

"Why are you on the ground?" he chuckles a bit, asking his own question in response.

"Oh, sorry sir," you look around at the mess surrounding you and haphazardly shove everything into your bag for the second time in fifteen minutes. "I can't find my ID badge," you admit, getting up off the ground. "Please don't report me, sir, I know where it is," you are suddenly filled with dread.

"I-" he starts to answer to but your attention is pulled away by the sound of two sets of approaching footsteps. You turn your head to see the two Asgardians heading towards you.

Loki smirks devilishly, "Nice to see you again agent."

"You've met?" Steve asks and you almost think he sounds a bit worried as he looks between you and Loki.

"Not formally, no," Loki says, "I ran into our young recruit sleeping in my favorite section of the library."

"You told me it was almost 10," you fold your arms over your chest as your annoyance bubbles to the surface.

"I have been known to lie, little one," he winks and you take an uncomfortable step away from him.

"Leave her alone, Laufeyson," Steve says, stepping between you and Loki. The God of Mischief shrugs, quickly losing interest in you.

"Well I haven't met her yet," Thor says cheerfully. He reaches out to shake your hand, gripping you tightly but not enough to hurt, "Thor."

"Yea, I know," you giggle a bit nervously as the God of Thunder continues to shakes your hand. "I'm Y/N," your eyes flicker to Captain Rogers and you correct yourself quickly. "Agent Y/L/N, probationary agent at the moment."

"Ah, one of Steve's recruites," Thor laughs warmly and pats Steve on the back hard enough to make the super soldier wince. "He'll take good care of you." Thor turns towards the door to the gym as Loki scans his ID badge and the door unlocks.

"Shit," you mumble under your breath, remembering that you misplaced your ID badge. Your outburst draws Steve's attention back to you.

"Language, please," he rubs his shoulder where Thor hit him.

"Right, sorry," you bite your lip knowing that's not the worst swear word you'll use today. "Ah, I mean, sorry sir," you correct yourself again. You had been terrible at remembering to speak properly to officers in the academy and it got you in a lot of trouble.

"You don't need to do that if we aren't in a formal setting," he says and you realize he seems much more relaxed and less terrifying than yesterday. "But why do you keep swearing?"

"I left my ID badge in the library," you point vaguely down the hall even though that's not the way to the library, "But I need my ID badge to get in the library and anywhere else for that matter."

"I'll go with you," he responds in a friendly tone, bending down to hand you a pen you had missed when you were cleaning up your belongings.

"You don't have to, I know you're busy," you tell him but he just smiles. "I'll just... stand awkwardly outside the library until someone shows up," your voice trails off.

"Right, that's a much better idea," he laughs as he starts walking towards the elevator and you put your bag over your shoulder, trying to catch up to him. "I have a feeling you're going to get lost if I let you go by yourself," he looks down at you as you move next to him.

"It's a big building," you try to defend yourself but he just laughs again, shaking his head lightly.

Day 7

"Agent Y/L/N, I would like to speak with you a moment," Loki says when everyone gets up at the end of his lecture.

"Me?" you ask nervously as you freeze in place.

"Is there another Agent Y/L/N here?" he asks in response and a few of your fellow agents laugh quietly.

"No," you answer sheepishly and he nods. You finish packing your laptop into your bag and put it over your shoulder, trying to swallow your fear. Loki makes you uncomfortable even at a distance so saying you're not thrilled about being alone with him is an understatement. The other agents file out of the room, talking amongst themselves, no doubt about you.

You slowly make your way to Loki, dread building with each step. He leans on the desk at the front of the room, his arms folded as he watches you approach. Your anxiousness makes him smile and you break eye contact first when you stumble over your own dragging feet.

"I have been watching you, agent," he tells you and you feel your heart pounding in your chest, "And you do not belong here."

"What?" you ask, you had no idea what Loki wanted to talk to you about but you didn't think this was it. "Yes I do. I-"

"You will not succeed here," he interrupts you and your mouth hangs open at his harsh statement. "I have seen how easily distracted you are, how confused you get with even basic instructions. You are late to everything, you still wander this building utterly lost and you cannot focus."

"I can do better," you tell him, your voice shaky as he lists all the flaws you've been trying to manage. "I made it through the academy, I can do this," you say, trying to convince yourself and the God of Mischief.

"I don't believe that is true," he says.

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You wipe your eyes with the back of your hand, sniffing as you reread the email you've typed on your phone. The bus stops at a red light and you look out at the city, lowering your head when it begins to move again.

Sighing deeply, you adjust a spelling mistake then add your name to the bottom of the email. Closing your eyes for a moment, you remember your conversation with Loki a few hours ago as well as the whispered comments from the other agents in your unit. You open your eyes, wiping your tears once more and hit send.

Day 8

"What can I do for you Cap," Agent Hill asks from behind her desk.

"Have you seen Agent Y/L/N? She's usually late for our morning training session but it's been nearly half an hour," Steve says, stepping inside her office.

"Oh, you didn't hear?" she asks, then takes a sip of her coffee.

"Hear what?" Steve shrugs.

"She quit," Agent Hill informs him.

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You click through the pizza delivery app and order your usual, a TV show you're barely paying attention to plays in the background. You hit the order button and sit back, picking up a fidget cube you keep on your end table.

There is a knock on your door and you laugh as you get up, "Either the pizza guy is getting a big tip or-"

Your voice cuts off when you open the door and see Steve Rogers standing in the hall of your apartment building. "Hello Y/N," he says, his smile warm but it does little to calm the nerves that suddenly spread through you.

I hope you liked this!! Please like, share and comment if you did 💚💚 Please let me know if you want to be added to my taglist!

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[serxinns]

Oh sorry- forgot about that. (I'm the same person that asked for the ink demon reader)

With class 1-A and a couple of pro hero's.

Romantic with the class and platonic with the teachers and heros :)

You hated having to do a certain form when having to demonstrate a quirk move, you had to endure long periods of body aching especially in your beast form the longer you are in your beast form the more painful and insufferable it is, you tried to hide it from your classmates and teachers fearing it would cause a problem or judge you because of this

So you decided to act cool and endured the aching whenever your classmates asked you why you melting you would tell them that it was a part of the drawback or when the teachers asked why you hugging your body tightly you just said that you were cold everything will be fine it's just a little pain that goes away for a few hours what harm will it be?

it worked for a few months until the drawbacks unexpectedly got worse and the pain became more unendurable and more Clear to the teachers and students, izuku and ochako would see you clutching your stomach when after using your stomach and when they asked you quickly informed that it was just a stomach ache or when Jirou noticed you shaking and tearing up you quickly informed that you were just nervous thats all!

The teachers like Aizawa and the present mic would eventually catch up to you Unfortunately, one day in the middle of class you shaking and gripping the desk in pain and so after school, they would question you about it, and you quickly informed them that it was a stomach bug but none of them were convinced so Aizawa forced you to go to recovery girl or a checkup,

recovery girl looked nervously at you and gave you a check which she was relived by the results and informed the 2 males that you were having your drawbacks by overusing your quirk but the bad news is that since you held it in for so long without any proper medication the drawbacks got worse explaining why your body was aching way worse than before for it so you needed to take a certain medication and take a lot more rest for the medication to work and that'll take 1-2 months, your teachers agreed while you groaned having to not use your quirk for a certain amount of time

During the your classmates started to get very protective and obsessive with you Mina pulled you away from Iida and Shoto so you could listen to all the juicy gossip about anything while Kirishima pulled her away so you and him and spare each other or just watch shark movies, or jirou pulling you away from him to listen to her new song or make each other new Playlist and "friendship" bracelets (bracelets that symbolize love) every classmate was fighting over every ounce of praise, attention, or touch you can give them and at training they would trynand distract you so they "protect you" But you weren't buying it

And your teachers weren't any better when Aizawa would give you detention for little reasons only for him to have you sleep in his sleeping bag or the two of you would study on hero work with just the two of you or present mic making you eat lunch with him at the student lounge,Strangely knowing your favorite snacks cause every time he brings you snacks they were the exact snacks you like.. weird?

Midnight used her gas to knock you out to sleep so you could rest in her lap while she caressed your hair you tried to avoid her as possible and Aizawa and she would argue over that heck even the pro heroes like Hawks and endeavor fighting with Aizawa and need be to make you join their agency to be their sidekick alongside with either Tokoyami or todoroki or mount lady and Mirko having a cat fight with midnight to whoever gets to check on you 1st and spoil you with gifts while you watched in boredom

But all and they mean no harm and just wanted to protect you there's no harm to that right?

[felinefractious]

I tried to adopt a cat from a rescue, I really did. I filled out and submitted applications to 5 different rescues because the local SPCAs didn't have cats that fit my needs (social with cats and dogs, approximately 1 year old, high energy, and preferably long or medium haired).

I explained in detail the care I give my current cupcake. She's spayed, gets routine vet care, is up to date on shots. She has her own room (my room) which is set up with shelves, trees, 2 litter boxes. She gets supervised free roam of the house (not 24/7 because of lifestyle reasons). I use puzzle feeders for her meals- high end brands like The Honest Kitchen, Open Farm, Stella and Chewy (I like to mix it up to keep it interesting). I play with her at least twice a day, or whenever she asks. Indoors only. She has a water fountain. We're working on harness training. I made it clear I had a second room set up similarly and ready to go, and carefully researched introductions. Dogs are cat social and kenneled unless supervised. I don't know, I feel like my cat lives a good life. She's happy, fit, and I adore her.

Couple of weeks past and I received 5 rejection emails with reasons such: I maintain a very small flock of exhibition poultry, that I do breed and sell the chicks of seasonally, which is...immoral to them, I guess; my brother who does live in the same household has intact show and working dogs; the dogs are kenneled (what??); I don't work full-time; one even said it was because I feed my current cat dry food instead of wet food. My cat straight up won't eat wet food! She hates it! I replied and said I would offer wet food if the new cat wanted it, and they never responded.

It all just seemed like weird reasons to me. Maybe not, I don't know if that's just how rescues are. I ended up with my cat through the pregnant cat distribution system (my mom owns her mom) so I didn't have to deal with takes on cat care I didn't get.

Dejected, I started looking on Craigslist and saw a cat that perfectly fit my needs- a sphynx outcross project that tested positive for mild HCM (asymptomatic for now) so the breeder who purchased him immediately neutered him. So I asked about him, located a cardiologist and scheduled an appointment with my vet ahead of time to get a referral to the cardiologist. Did lots of reading on HCM. Met with them and they were lovely. Got all his paperwork with his health testing and his whole history and genetics. I fell in love with him immediately. Everything they said about him has been true: he's confident, well-mannered, has the exact same play style as my kitty. There was not a single point during the 4 hour drive home that he showed signs of stress, he took treats and just lounged. When I set him in his room, he waltzed right out of his carrier with his chest puffed out, head held high, and rubbed all over me, purring and bumping his head into me. There hasn't been an adjustment period, he just came out and was like, "sweet, new digs! now, pet me!" Settled into a routine so fast. Has been perfect for his nails and bathing him. We're already making tremendous progress with recall.

This cat is so fucking well socialized. And his structure? Fucking gorgeous. Exactly as sphynx are described, with a deep chest, solid belly, longer hind legs than front, long creepy fingers which he uses to grip me instead of his claws and it feels like a human infant gripping me (deeply unsettling).

It's been such a good experience, and the rescues were so weird, I honestly don't know if I can ever get a cat that wasn't selectively bred again. He's not even pure bred! His dad is 100% sphynx but his mom is a dominant blue eye project from approved sphynx outcrosses.

Don't get me wrong, I love my first bastard kitty, she's the best cat there is. But now I have two perfect cats! I didn't realize that was possible...all my friends' cats, they're often much more nervous and shy. I was prepared for my second kitty to just never live up to my first.

Here he is, my weird coated mostly sphynx:

Bonus DNA results

I wonder what that person bit is about.

Unfortunately your story is not unique.

These excessive and unrealistic standards are part of what I mean when I discuss barriers to adoption as being one of the actual issues contributing to overpopulation of homeless pets.

I’ve seen people discuss being rejected due to their age despite being staffed in the veterinary field, the person was in their early 20’s.

I’ve seen people discuss being rejected due to having intact animals in the household despite them being species that aren’t traditionally altered, like reptiles.

A rescue I knew would avoid adopting out to people who indicated they would feed a brand of food the rescue considered to be lower quality, such as Friskies canned.

I’ve spoken to rescues for a veterinary reference who were disappointed the prospective adopters most recent cat wasn’t current on their vaccinations despite being an 18+ hospice case.

I could go on and on and on.

I’m glad you were finally able to find a cat to give a good forever home to, it’s clear that you’re passionate about your animals and knowledgeable about their care.

I would put too much stock in the 12% Persian, you can’t test for breeds in cats the same way as you can in dogs. Wisdom Panel is great for health and trait testing but nonsense for breeds.

You can really see the Devon in his face in the picture you used for the test, though!

[nebulablakemurphy]

Moves & Countermoves (Part 9)

Summary: No one ever wins the games, even fourteen years later, Y/N is still playing. Warning: this chapter contains heavy subject matter and a steamy making out sess, proceed with caution.

Prologue | Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5 | Part 6 | Part 7 | Part 8

“Effie and I wrote these speeches together.” Y/N assures Katniss and Peeta as Effie doles them out. “Don’t be nervous, nothing crazy.”

Katniss nods.

“Just a few words for the fallen tributes of the district. For eleven that is Thresh and Rue,” Effie says, hoping to put their minds at ease.

At present, they are crammed into one vehicle, transporting them to the justice building. Arista is sat between Katniss and Peeta, a doll in hand. Peeta allows the doll to walk along his leg, occasionally dropping it to one side or the other; causing the little girl to giggle. She shouldn’t be here.

People of the Capitol have sent them gifts from the moment they were born, things much too lavish for district twelve. Such items are sold to peacekeepers and the money funnels back through twelve. Keeping them afloat. Very few offerings they keep, like the doll. A tablet for Everest, just like his mother’s. He taps away at it, almost as if he’s playing a game.

“Can I see?” Katniss asks.

The boy nods, holding it across the isle. It’s an agenda…no, a journal. She realizes. ‘Day one, district eleven. Agriculture. The train is five hours from home.’

Katniss blinks rapidly at the screen before handing it back. He shouldn’t be here. “Thought you were playing a game.”

“I have games.” Everest tells her, “you can pick one to play.”

“Show me your favorite.” Don’t worry about all of this. You’re just a kid.

He smiles. “I like this one. You have to dodge the logs and get the dot from one side to the other.”

“I won’t be very good.” Katniss confesses as he hands it back to her.

“It’s for fun, Katniss.” The boy shrugs, “you don’t have to be good.”

Y/N passes an affectionate hand over her son’s hair.

“When I married Haymitch, there was an understanding. Whatever we had to do to stay alive, we would do. But between him and I was also an understanding; that he loved me and that love is unconditional. He wouldn’t leave me if I was scared, he would be patient. He would wait for me. When there were time restrictions, if we couldn’t wait, he would get me through. I think Peeta could be that person for you, Katniss.”

“You think I should marry Peeta?”

“I think you should be his friend.” Y/N corrects her. “All of this pretending to be in love stuff will come easier, I promise. Do it on your terms, take your time.” While you still have time.

Katniss takes this into consideration. She doesn’t dislike the idea of being with Peeta. But the idea of being with anyone seems impossible to her now. Even out of the arena she no longer feels safe…maybe if they make it back home. After they’ve convinced Snow and the districts. Even then, she doesn’t think she can love anyone the way Y/N loves Haymitch; or be loved the way Haymitch loves her.

What Y/N doesn’t tell her is that their toasting, the one Haymitch asked for when she was ready, did not come until two years after their Capitol wedding. After they’d celebrated two ‘anniversaries’ and Everest’s first birthday. She doesn’t tell her how verbalizing ‘I love you’ is painful for Haymitch… how he cried after telling her for the first time. Because he lost every other person he’s ever loved. How his tears broke her heart, how much they still do.

The vehicle comes to a harsh stop before the engine cuts out.

“Crash landing,” Haymitch remarks.

They are ushered out in a single file line. Y/N, Haymitch and the children are left in the viewing room with Effie and Cinna to watch Katniss and Peeta on stage from the projector.

Nothing can go wrong. Katniss repeats the mantra over and over. Nothing can go wrong.

Peeta does most of the talking, he offered and she couldn’t say no.

Arista pays little attention to what’s happening, too preoccupied with chatting up one of the peacekeepers who is trying to keep a hard exterior.

Everest is slightly more involved, watching the adults around him; gauging their reactions. His mother is anxious, twisting her fingers around the fabric at the back of his father’s jacket.

Cinna catches him staring and smiles. “Can you see?”

Everest nods as all eyes fall on him.

Y/N whispers something to her husband that the little boy can’t make out. Haymitch reaches a hand back then, bringing his son up beside Effie.

The peacekeeper sends Arista back to her parents with a gift. “I got candy.”

“What kind of candy?” Y/N leans down.

“From him,” the girl tells her mother, pointing toward the man in the white suit.

“Did you thank him?”

“Mhm.”

“Good,” Y/N boops her little nose. “This is actually one of my favorites, do you think we could trade?”

“Well, what do you have?” Arista arches a brow.

Y/N surrenders her shoulder bag. “Anything you want.”

Arista’s eyes light up, “really?”

“Mhm.”

“Thank you, Mommy. Here’s your candy.”

“Thank you.” Y/N accepts the tiny wrapped object. Sliding it into her pocket.

“Both Rue and Thresh were so young. But our lives are not measured in minutes, they’re measured by the lives of those we touch around us. For myself, and for Katniss; we know that without Thresh and without Rue we wouldn’t be standing here today.” Peeta speaks from his heart.

Though their speeches were approved by both mentors and their Capitol escort, they do not have the intended effect. A whistle is heard, three fingers in the air, the nearest peacekeepers drawing batons.

“Get the kids away from the door.” Haymitch bites out.

“What about Katniss and Peeta?” They’re still out there.

“I’ve got them,” he promises.

The audience grows to a distraught holler.

“What’s happening?” Everest turns to his mother.

“Come with me,” Y/N tries to keep calm as she takes his hand, moving quickly towards her daughter. Her bag all but forgotten.

“Mommy, why are they doing that?” Arista asks, seeing the older man being forced up onto the stage by peacekeepers.

“Shh,” Y/N turns her away. Hurrying both children up the stairs.

Hearing Katniss protest from the lower level, “no, please leave him alone.” The doors open and she is removed from the stage.

Y/N sits her babies down on the floor, “cover your ears.” They do as they’re told, looking to their mother for comfort. She kneels, keeping them distracted as best she can; from the screams, from the gun shot, from the cruel world whirling around them.

Haymitch carries Katniss, kicking and screaming, toward the stairs. “What did I do?”

“Shhh,” he hushes her as Peeta follows.

“No, Haymitch! What did I do wrong?”

“Shut up. Get in here.” He closes the door behind them.

“I did everything I was supposed to do.” Katniss says, tears flooding her face.

“Katniss,” Peeta runs his knuckles along her arm; hoping to soothe her.

She steals Peeta’s hand, latching on for comfort. “Just help us get through this trip.”

“This trip?” Haymitch snaps two fingers in front of her, “wake up, girl. This trip doesn’t end when you get home. You never get off this train.”

Katniss’ heart sinks at the realization. They’re still stuck on this train.

“You two are mentors now, which means every year they’re gonna drag you out and broadcast the details of your romance. Your personal life becomes theirs. From now on, your job is to be a distraction so that people forget what the real problems are.”

Peeta’s free hand balls into a fist at his side. “So what do we do?”

“You’re gonna smile, continue reading the cards that Effie gives you and you’re gonna live happily ever after. Think you can do that?” His eyes flicker between the pair.

Peeta nods. Katniss follows reluctantly, after Haymitch pats her cheek. Just like he did before she stepped onto the hovercraft for the games.

“Good,” Haymitch says, with a sad smile. “Come here.”

Still in a state of shock, Katniss steps into his arms, resting her head against his shoulder. She watches through the window as the man from eleven’s lifeless body is removed.

“You’re gonna be ok, I promise.”

Katniss knows that her mentors will protect her…and Peeta. Anything she does is a collective loss or gain. Anything she does.

————————————————————————

Y/N manages to get through dinner on the train, choking down her meal after consoling Katniss, who refuses to leave her room. Peeta stays with her, opting for in room dining tonight.

Effie isn’t thrilled, but she understands and the younger children keep her plenty entertained.

Y/N and Haymitch break off before it gets late, tucking Everest and Arista into bed. Then Haymitch wanders down to the bar car, returning with a bottle. Seeing mayhem on the monitors of the control room as he passes.

“How the hell are we gonna fix this, Haymitch?” Y/N demands, the second he returns.

He uncorks the liquor, chugging a bit to get through this round of questioning. “There are ten other districts before the Capitol, they still have a chance to calm things down.”

She nods, swiping at traitorous tears. “How bad is it?”

Riots in the streets. “If all else fails, we have the show with Caesar before Snow’s party.” Setting the bottle aside, he pulls her in, “we’ll fix it.”

Y/N melts into him.

Haymitch tips her chin up. She is beautiful…and broken. Glossy eyes soften at the sight of him, lips parted and flushed from tears. “I love you.” The words claw their way from his throat; more painful to keep in than let out.

She kisses him then. Hot and hard, a little sloppy.

Haymitch cups the base of her neck, surrendering to the unrelenting force that is Y/N. The push and pull of her, the need for her.

Falling onto the mattress, lost in the heat of it. Something drops from Y/N’s dress as it’s discarded. The candy.

“You saving this for later?” Haymitch chuckles, holding it between them.

“Traded Arista for it.” Y/N admits, tossing the candy aside. “She got it off a peacekeeper. I’m sure it’s fine but…”

“Can’t risk it,” Haymitch agrees.

“Didn’t want to make a scene either, Everest is watching like a hawk.” She rolls off of him, onto her back.

“These kids,” Haymitch sighs. A gentle hand finds her bump, tracing patterns over the skin there.

————————————————————————

“We want to share with you the sorrows of your losses.” Katniss reads directly from the cards. In districts nine and ten, the crowd was calm. Now in district eight, two members of the crowd raise three fingers into the air. “The tributes of this district-” she breaks off as peacekeepers remove them from the scene; looking to Haymitch and Y/N.

They are no longer left in the viewing room, able to jump in and corral their victors if need be. Showing face to the masses to help calm them. Katniss wonders what kind of deals they had to make to be standing here with them.

Haymitch nods, encouraging her to continue. Y/N follows suit when Peeta’s eyes fall to her, jaw clenched. This is what we have to do. This is what they make us do.

Katniss picks up where she left off. “Were brave and noble warriors, who brought honor to their families and pride to their people. We are all of us united, both victors and vanquished, in serving a common purpose. The power and glory of the Capitol. Panem today, Panem tomorrow, Panem forever.”

People from districts three through seven are outraged with this speech, this falsehood, this injustice to the girl they saw in the arena. The Capitol won’t eat your soul, that is a fate much too kind for a victor. They break your connections, they make you theirs.

Districts one and two are more easily swayed, buying into the notion that the games are something to celebrate. The little girl who presents Katniss with flowers tells her that she wants to volunteer; just like she did.

The nightmares come and Peeta stays with Katniss most nights, helping each other survive.

Everest and Arista find ways to occupy themselves. Madge steps in when their parents have to tend the crushing weight of their titles. Tomorrow ends in the Capitol; Caesar and Snow, all in one night.

Y/N sits, legs crossed, beside Haymitch on the gray satin bench of the train car. Katniss and Peeta directly across from them.

“Snow is watching us.” Haymitch says, as if anyone could forget. “If he wants you to pacify the districts, I promise you, he’s not happy. Instead of being in love, you two sound like you’re reciting from a drilling manual.”

“I’m open to suggestions.” Peeta turns his palms up, they’re all grasping at straws now.

Y/N leans forward, “I think-”

“We could get married.” Katniss meets her gaze when she says it.

“That’s not helping,” Haymitch taps a finger against his glass.

Peeta’s eyes never leave Katniss. Of all the times he’s thought about it, wanted it even; someday in the future, when it was real. Not like this, never like this.

“I’m serious.” Katniss decides, “if we’re on this train forever it’s gonna happen eventually, why not now?”

“It does make a statement,” Haymitch huffs a laugh, “I’ll give you that.”

“Yeah, sure.” Peeta rises to his feet, “let’s do it.”

“Wait.” Y/N reaches out a hand to catch him, “we still have the show. We can find another way, something else to feed these people and keep them at bay for a while.”

“Like what?” Peeta plops back down in his seat.

“Like a baby.” Y/N forces the poofy skirt of her dress to lie flat against her bump.

“No, if you’re giving them that, we’re giving them the proposal.” Peeta protests. Y/N and Haymitch have already given away too much.

Katniss nods in agreement.

“Alright then,” Haymitch drinks to that, “let’s give them a night they’ll never forget.”

Part 10

Series Taglist: @praline357 @flowercrowns-goodvibes @justheretoparty420 @avocadotoastwithegg @officialjellydoughnut @whoreforfictionalpeople @treehouse-mouse @emo-markie @spilled-mi1k @magical-spit @greaser9902 @jessicamellarky @yourebuckingkiddingme @smuha2004 @sendhelplease @ninimackbrews @wittiestrain184 @r1dd1kulus @erenluvr69

[cookie-crumblr]

Hype Train!

F! Streamer Reader x M!Yandere Streamer OC

Part 1~

His Info: 📹✨

Part: 1 2

!!!MINORS DNI!!!

CW: lots of boring tech talk(sorry i nerd out sometimes and i wanted to show his thought process for his intro) yandere, f!reader, use of she/her when referring to reader, reader has a vagina, stalking, internet stalking, lewd comments not from ML, edit: sorry! i forgot to tag NONCON EXHIBITION!!! omg that’s probably huge. i am so sorry!!!

He is always looking for smaller streamers to raid, to bring in his moderately sized and very active audience to someone who may often only get about 5-10 people.

Today, he picked you. Your cute little VTuber model already having captivated him. He looks up your sinsta first, and sees your selfies. You somehow look just like your tuber!

You’re so cute.

He clicks “raid now”, and says to shower you in love!

As soon as the alert goes off for the raid, so does a long line of follower alerts. “Wh-what?! OMG! Thank you so much!!! Welcome to my stream! how was yours? if you have to raid and run, go eat and sleep pleasantly!”

Oh goodness, you sound cute. You even cared about him without knowing him, sure he knows it’s just polite for streamers to say those things. But coming to him in your adorably sugary voice, he instantly believes you really care.

While he’s watching the swaying of your adorable little avatar on screen, he’s imagining the movements in your actual face behind the camera.

“Oh my! im so sorry, uh-” Your mic picks up your ferocious typing, and your sudden shock snap him back to the moment,“I forgot to shout you out, Jasper!”

His name rolling off your tongue sounds so perfect, as if he’s been waiting to hear it that way his entire life.

He springs into action, realizing you have no mods, lithe fingers dancing across keys swiftly and with new purpose, “No worries! Tysm for the SO!! also, i can mod for you, if you want!😊”

You beam behind your screen, “Oh! i could never ask that of you! maybe if you’re here again next time!”

Of course he will be. You don’t know that though.

“O-m-gee! Thank you all soooo much for the hype train!!! level 5?! i’ve never even had a level three!! this is crazy!”

God you’re cute when you’re so excited.

He has your selfies from sinsta pulled up in front of him as he listens deeply to you speak.

You’re so thankful, and so, so sweet…

You must be so innocent.

You’re at the very least naive, and he’d hate to just leave you to be eaten up by this cruel, cruel world…

He must get to you first.

Your stream ends a few hours later, his followers stayed the whole time to shower you in love.

He knows he’s got a lot of simps… They’d do anything he tells them to.

You though, you’ve had the most fun streaming that you’ve ever had so far! And that payout this month is really gonna help, they gave so much!

On your dipcord you see a new friend request, it’s him! You add him without a second thought, always looking for more streamer friends.

within seconds you receive a dm from him, “Want to VC?”

“Sure!” you respond, full of excitement. Something in your gut roils, you feel so nervous but your excitement overrules your body’s initial warning.

When you shouted him out you saw his own Vtuber, and heard his melodic voice, your face warms at the thought.

He calls and you answer after long seconds that feel like minutes of deep breathing, and hyping yourself up.

“How are you feeling, Y/Username, you had a pretty productive stream,” Jasper’s voice is even softer than in his clip, your stomach turns to a fluttering tangle of knots.

“Oh! haha,” you giggle, “only thanks to you!”

His heart melts in response.

“You were why the viewers stayed, don’t sell yourself short,” as he speaks he’s sifting through your public scocials.

He has noticed one older woman with her real name as her username that follows you on every single account. He continues down this path through the web. She has pictures with you, confirming that she’s your mother in the descriptions. she has her state tagged on flapbook.

That narrows it down as long as you didn’t move too far.

On your own socials you often have pictures of flowering trees near red bricks. And in one Selfie a street sign is reflected in your dark shades…

He floogle maps it, then goes into street veiw, there’s a couple red brick houses, but there’s also a red brick apartment complex right around the corner with magnolia trees…

He smiles as his fingers find his lips idly zoning out slightly.

You’re only a few hours flight away from him there…

“Jasper?” Your timid voice pulls him back.

“Yes, pretty,” He says in a low groan, “Can I follow your private?”

You blush fiercely, “Ye-Yeah! o-of course,” you’re so glad he can’t see you right now, your face completely buried in your hands.

You open your phone and go to sinstagram, he sent you a follow request and already followed your public streaming account.

You smile to yourself bashfully, tucking stray strands behind your warming ears.

He sees there are a few live cameras connected in the apartment buildings.

“Hey, this is a random question, but do you have a cat cam? i do, and i saw you have a cat on your public…” He asks, hoping to sound inconspicuous.

“Y-yeah! i do, wanna exchange kitten pics?” you laugh feeling more comfortable, he’s got a cat too! You can’t help but love cat dads…

“Always! and do you have protection on it?” he can already see that only a couple of the cameras don’t have any sort of blocker on them in these buildings. He’s almost disappointed.

There… “How cute…” He finds the one with live footage of your cat just as pictured sleeping on it’s giant plant shaped cat tree across the room.

“You mean like the warranty? Y-yeah! I paid for the 2 year…” You try to keep calm…

He sees a few creeps are already connected to your cam.

He easily follows their trail, typing away on his loud mechanical keyboard. The sound of it soothes you, you end up closing your eyes for a second.

“Oh no- You paid?” he sighs in frustration, not at you though. At whatever store took advantage of you. “This brand comes with a free two year when you buy it…” Shit. he misspoke. He isn’t supposed to know the brand.

You don’t consciously notice.

“For real?! I had no idea!!” You’re almost as frustrated. That was like thirty bucks you didn’t even have to spend.

He can’t help the small enamored smile that creeps across his face.

“Next time you want to buy something techy lemme know. I’ll make sure you get the most for what ya pay an all that… But, back to my question- I meant what kind of firewalls do you have on your router, do you use two-factor authentication on the camera?” He knows you don’t have either, but he’ll tell you what to do to start protecting yourself from these animals.

One of the connected IPs is a live cam website that nobody signs up to be on…

The comments on you from just walking in front of it sometimes are lewd and disgust him.

“I hope she walks by today, sigh…”

“She’s so hot… I wish she’d take those panties off more often though…”

“I saw the side of her ass again yesterday. looks so good, god i want to taste her…”

“I’d fuck her so good, better than whoever that ugly fucker is that comes over sometimes…”

“That guy’s so lucky…”

His face is twists in a deeper and deeper disgusted scowl the more he reads, he almost ignored the comments about a guy visiting you.

Almost.

His blood boils.

“I-I didn’t know you need stuff like that… I mean it just faces my cat’s tree anyway! hah…” You giggle more nervously again, feeling a little creeped out by the thought of someone accessing it. Do you walk by sometimes? You realize you do…

“Lemme help you.” He says almost too eagerly. Save it, he thinks quickly. “I-, I like to make sure the people around me are safe at least.”

“That’s so nice of you!! but, I don’t want to ask too much of you, I’m sure i could floogle how to myself!” You sound determined, it’s adorable, and his face softens immediately.

“Nah, it’s seriously no problem, we’re already talkin’ righ’now, an it’ll just take one sec. Promise.” You can hear the smile in his soft voice and feel more at ease again.

“Okay! if you say so, thanks so much, Jasper!”

“Mm,” He can’t help the quiet groan from hearing his name exit your lips, “‘course” He begins the process with you, and makes sure you check the “log out of all other locations” box. of course his doesn’t disconnect though.“I’ll keep you safe from now on.” His words carry a weight that you can feel. Your heart pounds.

“Thank you. I feel better already knowing my cat’s safe!”

You’re more worried about your cat than yourself.

You’re so pure

“Like i said, ‘s no problem. Come to me for whatever you need technologically.” God he hopes you do. He continues typing, working on sending his homemade virus to all these sickos that have gotten to see more of you than they deserve. “I’ll protect you from now on…”

“You-uh- S-sound like you work a lot!” You try and change the topic, your heart flipping over inside you.

“Hmm?” His rumbling voice keeps sending chills throughout your body.

“Oh! sorry, I can hear you typing on your keyboard, what are those? lubed yellows? They sound so nice…” Your face warms, a little embarrassed.

“Mhmm,” He practically moans again, you shiver, “glad you know your switches. They’re my favorite.”

“Could you show me how to lube mine sometime?”

Now it’s his turn with a warm, reddening face, hearing your voice say lube is making him think of anything but keyboards. He idly plays with his lip again, tugging it up with his teeth.

“how ‘bought I do it with you,” You shudder, not knowing, but directly feeling his hidden implications.

You sigh through your nose hoping he doesn’t hear.

He does.

He smiles, ecstatic with the knowledge that you got what he meant.

“Hey, Y/username, I have a little bit of work to do righ’now, can I call you t’morrow?”

“Of course! and it’s Y/N”

He beams, “have a nice evening, Y/N” His voice smooths even more than it already was. He’s barelyy above a whisper speaking into his mic, and straight into your ears.

The effect it has is… A little bit maddening.

“You too,” you speak up with a soft and shaky voice, “see ya later, Jasper” he can tell you’re at least a little aroused by him.

He bites his lip, feeling the tug on his snake bites.

After you hang up, he doesn’t have to wait even a second before the next call is answered:

“Sup Jazzy,” he’s used to hearing his own voice, but it’s always weird coming from another “person”.

“Sup Devvy, how’re you an Issac?”

[sihtricfedaraaahvicius]

warnings: mentions of/hints to past abuse.

pairing: Sihtric x you (f)

summary: Your brother, Uhtred, has just returned from his journey north, and he has brought back a shy but rather handsome Dane.

word count: 1,8k.

note: this was supposed to be a one-shot, but our boy really deserves all the love, so there will be at least another chapter.

You have my word.

Part 1. [part 2] [part 3]

You hate when he calls you that, but he had been gone for months and you were that happy he had returned safe, so you decided to not say anything this time.

'Brother!' you called out and ran towards Uhtred as he climbed off his horse.

'Little sister!' Uhtred smiled, and he embraced you.

You told him your name and the Dane looked up at you, nodded, and looked back down to his feet again.  You studied the Dane while Uhtred made a whole speech to him about how you were off limits, and that if he would try something with you, Uhtred would dismember him.

'Word had spread that there was some trouble with Kjartan's men?'

'Yes,' Uhtred said, 'we had some spies. But I killed them all. Except for that one,' he cocked his head towards a Dane, who was across the village's square, and you followed his eyes.

'You kept a hostage?'

'No, he's my servant.'

'So you got yourself a pet then?'

'No, I will train him to be a warrior, I have a feeling he might be good eventually.'

'Brother,' you sighed, 'how do you know he will not betray you?'

'Sister,' Uhtred said seriously, 'he asked to serve me. He promised me his loyalty. He has a fighting spirit in him, yes, but for now he seems rather harmless. He's Kjartan's bastard son, and he wants Kjartan dead as much as I do.'

'I hope you're right,' you said.

'I am,' Uhtred smiled, 'Sihtric! Come here, boy!' he called out, 'I will show you.' The Dane came running across the square.

'Lord?' he panted, and he held his head down.

'Sihtric, I want you to meet my sister.'

You saw that Sihtric was very nervous, shy and obedient. He was tall, a little thin but still quite muscular. He was dressed in leather armour and he carried a knife and a sword. You saw he had bruises, recent cuts, dried blood and old scars on his face, yet you thought he was very handsome.

Later that night you stopped by the alehouse. Uhtred celebrated his return, so the place was packed. You had been there for about an hour and constantly found yourself looking for the Dane, with no luck.

'Do you understand?' Uhtred asked after his speech.

'Yes, lord,' Sihtric said.

'Good, now go and take care of the horses.'

'Yes, lord.' 

'See? Harmless,' Uhtred chuckled as Sihtric ran away. He looked back at you and saw you were slightly frowning at the running Dane.

'Sister,' he said firmly.

'What?' you rolled your eyes.

'You have a look.'

'What look?'

Uhtred sighed, 'A look that I do not like.'

'Then you shouldn't bring back cute Danes,' you teased and gave Uhtred a push.

'I did not,' he said. You shrugged at him and walked away with a smile.

'He is not cute!' Uhtred yelled after you.

You got up and walked outside, enjoying the cool, fresh air. You looked around, but it seemed like everyone was either asleep or inside the alehouse, for the place looked deserted.

'You didn't invite the Dane?´ you asked Uhtred, and you rested your head upon his shoulder.

'You mean Sihtric?' Uhtred asked, slurring his words a little. He clearly had a few too many.

'He was here before,' he continued, 'I think… I don't know where he went. Or if he was here.'

'Should I look for him? What if he's up to something?'

'Maybe, little sister, you should,' he smiled, and you punched his shoulder.

You didn't know where Sihtric stayed at night, you hadn't asked Uhtred, so you decided to just take a little walk. You didn't really think the Dane was up to something, but you found it strange that he was not out drinking, and deep inside you just you wanted to check on him, to see if he was okay.

After nearly half an hour you still hadn't found him. You had caught a priest and a servant in the stables, much to your disgrace.

You figured you'd walk to the river, as you like to spend time there, for it is always quiet, especially at night. And it was a beautiful night, albeit a bit cold, as autumn was approaching.

You were making your way to the river, through the woods, when you suddenly heard a twig snap behind you. You stood still.

'Who's there?' you asked, and waited a moment. But the only sound you heard now was the sound of the nearby river. You looked around in the dark, and you heard a sudden rustling of leaves to your left.

You reached for Wasp-Sting, the knife Uhtred gave you some years ago, 'You better come out now,' you said, 'I will gut you if you try something. Or if I find you.'

And then the moon lit up the skin of someone slowly walking towards you.

'I am not armed, lady,' a warm, but shaky voice said. 'I don't mean any harm, I swear.'

You saw a man approaching with his hands above his head. Your eyes adjusted to the bright moonlight on his skin, and you realised it was Sihtric.

'Sihtric?'

'I apologise,' he said and he stood still, slowly dropping his hands, avoiding eye contact as he turned his face to the side. For a moment you just stood there, watching the shy but muscular Dane who was only a few paces away from you, admiring his perfect side profile as the moon lit up his strong jawline.

You couldn't help but laugh, to which Sihtric slightly looked up, before facing down again. 

'You… do… know you can… look at me, right?' you asked, slowly. 

'Lord Uhtred said he would take my eyes if I would,' he answered quickly, 'my lady.' And he slightly bent one knee to make a quick bow towards you.

'Lord Uhtred,' you emphasised the word lord, 'is not going to do anything. He is just teasing you,' you smiled and you took a step closer to him.

Sihtric flinched at your movement, quickly stepped back and threw his hands up to cover his face in reflex. You stopped dead in your tracks and also threw your hands up, gesturing you wouldn't do anything to harm him.

'I am not here to harm you either,' you said gently, 'I promise.'

Sihtric didn't move for a moment, but then hesitantly dropped his hands a little. 'You won't?' he asked, and he turned his body towards you, his face down, eyes still fixated on his feet.

'No,' you chuckled softly, I actually was looking for you.'

You saw his eyes repeatedly move up to you and quickly back to his feet. 'Why?' he then asked, 'h-have I done s-something wrong, my lady?' 

'What? Sihtric, no-'

'I am sorry if I did, I did not mean to. I-I did not know. I promise it will not happen again, let me try again. W-whatever it is, please. I will do better.' His words spilled out of his mouth like a waterfall, and you had to try your hardest to not drown in the rush it came out with.

'Sihtric,' you interrupted him a little firmly, to which you saw him close his eyes. He swallowed hard, and you felt a sudden sadness crawl into your bones, as your thoughts quickly trailed off to when you had met him earlier that day. And you suddenly understood that the behaviour of this beautiful, shy and seemingly harmless man in front of you was something he could not help. And when you connected his body language to your memory of the bruises and scars on his face, you felt your stomach drop.

'Sihtric,' you said quietly, 'you have not done anything wrong, I promise. I was only looking for you because I didn't see you at the alehouse, among the other men. It made me a little worried about you. And I wanted to know if you were okay.'

He slowly opened his eyes, let out a shaky breath and gathered all his courage to finally look you in the eyes.

'I promise,' you smiled softly at him as you locked eyes.

'Y-you were worried about me?'

'Yeah, a little, maybe,' you chuckled.

'Why?' he asked, and he looked down to his feet again.

'I'm not sure,' you said, 'I just…' and you paused to consider your words, something Sihtric seemingly did not do often.

'I would just like to talk to you. Maybe get to know you a little,' you continued and sighed, 'you just caught my interest earlier today.'

You saw Sihtric's lips curled into a shy smile, and so did yours.

You saw Sihtric felt flustered, and he tried to compose himself. 'Lady, I do not deserve your interest. I am a nobody, a bastard son, I have no importance.'

'Well, that is not for you to decide,' you said and smiled, 'I want to get to know you.'

'May I step closer?' you asked, 'to get a better look at you?'

He was silent for a moment, but then nodded in agreement. You stepped towards him and saw how he became uncomfortable the closer you got to him.

'I will not hurt you, ever, you have my word,' you said, to which he suddenly looked up into your eyes. You felt your heart break as his mismatched eyes gazed into yours with a fragile look. You both didn't speak for a moment and just stood there, merely one pace apart.

'You don't let people get close to you often?' you almost whispered, as you closed the space between the two of you.

'No,' he said, shook his head and looked down again, 'people only come close to me when they wish to hurt me,' he said, and a broken smile appeared on his lips.

Sihtric allowed your eyes to inspect him, and followed you cautiously with his own as you looked at his face, his neck, his shoulders and his arms, all the way to his hands. He still hadn't rid himself of the dried blood on his temple and under his nose, and you let out a sigh as you saw how many scars he had on his visible body parts.

Sihtric didn't know where to look and his lips curled into a shy smile again. After a few seconds he finally nodded his head. He hesitantly reached for your hand, as if he expected you to pull away from him. You heard a shaky sigh of relief escape his lips when he felt you gently squeeze his cold hand.

'Will you come with me?' you then asked, and you held out your hand.

'Where to?' he asked shyly.

'To my home,' you smiled.

'Why?' his face flustered.

'To take care of you,' you reassured him softly, 'at least for the night, I insist,' you smiled.

[l-starlight-l]

The love of a hero

Drunken Dances

Master list

Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5, Part 6, Part 7,

A/N: Sooooo I was suppose to finish this awhile ago but didn't. My Bad!

Description: Jason invites you out for some drinks and you get white girl wasted. Feeling brave you ask him to be your plus one to the upcoming gala.

Pairing: Jason Todd x Reader

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The past few weeks you had been busy with work and hadn’t been able to see Jason. This didn’t mean you weren’t thinking about him, you thought about him everyday, you would see something that reminded you of him and smile. He did text you to make sure you were okay while you were working but the conversations were short due to your lack of free time. Plus you had been sleeping at the hospital recently is didn't come home enough to caught him at home, instead of work.

You weren’t surprised when you told him you finally had a free moment after work and he invited you out for some drinks at a near by bar. You smiled down at your phone as you texted him back, when a young female voice came up next to you, “doctor?”.

You turned to see the new psychologist the asylum finally hired. Of course, they hired someone straight out of school making your life harder rather than easier like it should have been . You smiled at the young blonde girl standing across from you now, she reminded you of a former Harleen Quinzel in a way. “I told you, you don’t have to call me doctor, it’s so formal” you said with a forced light tone, “Is there something you need?”.

She had a sly smile on her lips, “who are you texting?” She questioned with a knowing smirk. She had been here for a little over a week and being the only one qualified to train her you two had developed a friendly relationship. She was young but she wasn’t dumb in the least bit. She was probably the smartest person at the hospital other than yourself, and she was right out of school.

You powered off your phone, “none of your business” you say slightly blushing. She smirked at you as if she could see right through you, but thankfully let it go.

“I'm having trouble with the stupid computer thing again” she says plopping down at her desk. She was definitely a smart girl when it came to everything else but technology. You rolled your eyes and walked over to help her.

Thirty minutes later you were standing outside Jason’s door, feeling more nervous than usual. As you raised your hand to knock the door opened and you jumped slightly. Jason stared down at you in surprise, “oh hey, I didn’t think you’d be here yet” he said looking around, “I thought I heard something and was coming to check, guess it was just you”. You let out a nervous breath and he moved to let you in.

He grabbed his jacket and the two of you headed out. There was a small bar on the same street as your apartment building that the two of you would go to from time to time. The last time you were there things had gotten, interesting with Jason. The presence of alcohol seems to make the two of you very touchy. The walk was quick but when you go there the bar was packed. "Busy Friday night" you commented as you made your way inside.

You felt his hand find yours in the crowd and looked up at him. With a wink he leaned in and whispered so you could hear him over the loud environment, "Don't want you getting lost". Your cheeks felt hot and you just nodded and let him lead you to the bar. The first hour was calm, filled with the two of you catching up paired with some light drinking. The second hour however got a bit out of control.

The bartender slid a shot your way and you looked up at her in confusion, before you could question it she just pointed to a man sitting with a group of people. You looked over to him and he waved with a smile, you polite raised the shot in thanks and then took it. You turned to Jason with a giddy smile, "How old do you think he is?" you asked because the boy looked fresh into college and didn't even look old enough to drink. Jason's facial expression was not what you expect, it seemed cold and annoyed as he gruffed out, "not old enough to be in here". It was an 18 up bar so he was probably just here with some older friends. Most bars in this part of town weren't strict with the whole showing ids thing.

You couldn't tell if it was the drinks or not, but the way Jason reacted made your whole body heat up. 'was he jealous' you thought to yourself as you admired the way he stared into his drink. "Hey pretty lady" a unfamiliar voice from behind you chimed. You shot to look at who it was only to see the young boy who ordered you the shot. You were a bit a taken aback by him approaching you and didn't respond. You looked over at Jason for some help and he was GLARING, i mean glaring into this poor boys soul. You let out a nervous laugh and turned back to the stranger, "oh hey" you started with awkward tension in your voice, "thanks for the drink". He nodded and then looked back to his group which you just now realized were all watching and hyping him up. A blush of embarrassment creeped up on to your face, "oh listen-" you started but was caught off by Jason.

"she's not interested" he said coldly and you turned to look at him shocked. "Jason don't be rude" you said quietly. The boy looked between you and started to lightly shake his head, "oh shit my bad, i didn't know y'all were together" he turned to leave, "have a good night, sorry again" he said looking at Jason with what seemed to be fear.

You watched the boy leave and then turned to Jason again, "oh my gosh" you said flustered an surprised. Before Jason got the chance to say anything the bartender was back with four shots of vodka, two for you and two for Jason. She said it was "an apology". You looked back to the boy across the room and gave an embarrassed smile as a thanks. "well" you tilted your head, "you scared the poor boy into getting us free shots, I'm not mad anymore" you laughed and he finally smiled at you. The rest of the time at the bar was a bit blurry due to you drinking way to much. You remember talking to the college boy again and becoming friends, you remember playing drinking games with his group, but after that it gets a little blurry.

It was nearing one in the morning and Jason had decided it was time to go, you had been dancing with some girls from the group when he came up to you. His hands slide down to hold your hips still and he whispered in your ear, "let me take you home". You turned to face him, his hands never leaving their place on your hips, "only if you promise to dance with me" you demanded with a slur in your words. He laughed and you felt his breath on your face. You realized how close the two of you were but didn't move back, He nodded and lead you out of the crowd.

On the walk home you had almost stumbled down onto the sidewalk multiple times and refused Jason's attempts at helping. Your butt hit the concrete hard when you finally looked up at him, "I might be drunker than I thought". You reached a hand out to him for help and instead of pulling you up he picked you up bride style and started walking. Your hands wrapped around his neck and your eyes went wide, "Ahhh, Jason" you exclaimed as you flew up. You could feel his chuckle on your body, "Stop being dramatic, you can't walk" he said looking down into your eyes. You had an overwhelming urge to kiss him, it took every sober thought to stop you from actually doing it.

He carried you all the way up the stairs to your floor and that's when he put you down. He fumbled with your jacket and dug through your purse as you sat on the floor watching him, "where are your keys" he asked while trying to turn the locked door handle of your apartment. You just shrugged, and tried to stand up. "can't I just sleepover at your place again" you asked sobering up a bit. He let out a sigh and was quiet for a second. You heard him mumble something about patrol to himself but then nodded. He lead you into his kitchen, grabbing you a glass of water. The two of you sat for awhile as you tried to pull yourself together.

You stared at the details in his face. The lighting was low but somehow you could see every small part of him that you loved. Your ears filled with his nervous laugh, "why are you staring at me" he asked. You were quiet for a moment, "will you be my date to the Wayne gala next week?' you asked softly. You could see his eyes widen as he watched you, they softened again as he said, "I would be honored". You smiled into your hand and with a giggle you stood up sharply catching him off guard, "Dance with me" you demanded at him, "you promised". He laughed and took your hand leading you into an open space in his kitchen. The two of you began to sway softly, there was no talking needed. He was looking so deeply in your eyes that you felt like he could hear exactly what you were thinking, he pulled you in closer and your lips were barely apart. You inhaled nervously as you leaned in to kiss him. A surprised grunt escaped his lips but he returned the kiss with passion. His hands moved up your body as he pulled you against him. You could feel them tracing from your hips, up your back, and finally griping the back of your head to press you harder into him.

Suddenly he pulled away leaving, you breathless. "what's wrong" you groaned searching his face for disgust. He just smiled down at you and took a step back, "it cant happen like this" he said softly "you're to drunk and I've sobered up. I want you to kiss me when your in the right state of mind" he explained as he took your hand and gently rubbed it.

You smiled up at him in understanding and gave him a quick kiss on the cheek, "lets go to bed" you said softly. He nodded and lead you to his bed room, "I can sleep on the couch" he said with some hesitation. You shook your head a little too fast, "no" you exclaimed and grabbed his hand, "lay with me" you continued, pulling him onto the bed. a short, surprised laugh escaped his mouth as he got under the covers with you. You could feel his eyes on you as you feel asleep against his body. They were warm, kind eyes and they made you feel safe with him.

a few hours later you felt the bed shift and opened one eye to see what was going on. Jason was walking around his room quietly grabbing things, when he saw your open eyes he made his way over to the side of the bed you were laying on. "I have to go to work for a few hours" he said, brushing a piece of hair out of your face, "I'll be back when you wake up", and with that he gave you a small kiss on the forehead and quietly disappeared out of the room.

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@atadoddinnit (sorry Ik it’s so late)

[blueberri-bois]

Warlord's Concubinus

Part 1 | Part 2

When you saved a sleeping man from a burning building; you certainly didn't expect this outcome.

Dressed up in a seemingly very luxurious deep sea green yukata with a pale peach peony pattern made of fine silks; you were laid out on the man's futon. By dressed up, I mean that after he had taken you back to Azuchi Castle, you were whisked away into another room where they bathed, beautified, and clothed you. It was strange, given that you were a man in all this. Truthfully, you've never felt this pampered in your life and while it certainly does feel nice you're a bit nervous about what your new role entails.

As you remember it, Oda Nobunaga, the man whom you saved from that burning building had expressed his gratitude for you by offering to have you be trained by the many teachers at his disposal in the art of war. He expressed that he would be happy to have you fight with him on the battlefield as a fellow soldier. You, however, were not built for something as physically taxing as combat, nor did you have any interest in it; the bloodshed seemed unnecessary as you preferred to solve issues with words instead of violence and you told him as such.

He was amused by your response but thought on it for a while and suggested that you either become his servant or enter into a concubinage under him. To you, both alternatives were pretty similar but one was just slightly better than the other and the only reason that you're even considering these options is because the warlord didn't seem like he'd be letting you go any time soon.

Thus, you chose the role of a concubinus.

Why? Well, a concubine's/nus' job isn't simply to please their lord sensually; they are also entertainers. Being adept in many different things like games, playing instruments, singing, dancing and even painting, but that's only a handful of things. The true job is to entertain. A concubine/us is also treated quite nicely compared to a soldier and a servant and they have servants of their own.

Not that you'd ever like the idea of waiting on someone hand and foot or following their whims without the ability to say no anyway; that's why being a servant was swiftly crossed off the list. You weren't exactly the subservient type either.

So here you were, relaxing on the futon of a man you quite literally just met 5 hours ago; waiting for him to get out of whatever meeting that he started when he got back to the castle. And though you were starting to become impatient, you were also becoming drowsy from the low lighting of the small candle-lit paper lamp that sat on the tea table across the room and the surprisingly soft futon underneath you.

Resting your head on one of the pillows; you let your heavy lids begin to shut. The quiet sound of the door sliding open was unable to coax you into glancing its way; nor the husky chuckle that followed shortly after.

It seems that he's returned you thought as you drifted off to sleep.

This work has some serious divergence from canon. This is most likely going to become a series instead of just a random oneshot, but that depends tbh.

[mintywolf]

(I wrote this on the train coming home on August 26th although I am just getting around to posting it now because time is a weird soup.)

So okay.

****

I haven’t written a personal journal post in a long time but I want to write down EVERYTHING I can remember about my adventure to NYC to see the Critical Role cast so I don’t forget. It was SUCH a moving experience and I’m so glad I went even though I was scared.

So okay my big goal for this year was to finish the first chapter of my C3 prequel fan comic A Long Road Home (southerngothiccomic.com), have a print edition made, and meet Laura and Marisha at a convention so I could give copies of it to them in person. When the CR cast announced they were going to be at Anime NYC this year I figured that was the closest they were probably going to get to me in Virginia. (And getting autographs at NYCC is reportedly like hunting a unicorn so I figured this would be my best chance.)

I was also terrified, and almost talked myself out of it because I was nervous about giving them the comic, even though I already had a badge and it was what I really, really wanted to do. I know the cast loves to see fanart — and also, it has been revealed, reads the fanfic — but it’s also a pretty well-known taboo for a fan to show their fanfic to a creator and a graphic novel is an unholy hybrid of the two. I was also worried that it would seem presumptuous of me to present them with a fanmade prequel graphic novel because there’s almost certainly going to be an official one at some point, and afraid that at best they might politely tell me they couldn’t accept it (for the reasons that comic writers aren’t “allowed” to read fanfic), and at worst they might be kind of annoyed that it exists. Either way I’d be REALLY sad, and in the weeks leading up to the con I worked myself up into an irrational panic about this. Fortunately my friends managed to talk me into not backing out (and spoilers: it turned out okay in the end!) but I was still very scared.

Also I was so focused on the comic stuff that I forgot until after GenCon earlier this month to think of what I wanted to actually have autographed. I decided to get a big print of the chapter one cover from INPRNT, assuming that since I ordered it two weeks in advance with an eta of 5-7 days that would be plenty of time for it to get to me. Well, reader, it was not. (But please do not let me dissuade you from using INPRNT! To their credit when I contacted them and asked if I could upgrade to rush delivery, they expedited it for free. Unfortunately even with rush shipping it just missed me, arriving at my house while I was on the train to NYC.)

Pâté on the train going to see his biological parents. (Laura and Marisha.)

When I saw that it wasn’t going to arrive in time I was starting to panic because there is nowhere near me to have art prints made. It’s a 15 minute drive (past the alpaca farm) just to get to the nearest grocery store. Grasping at straws I was kind of like Should I . . . draw something? On paper?? With real media that I haven’t used in like 10 years??? I only have 3 days!!!

Fortunately my life was saved by @emphaticembroiderer who had the brilliant suggestion of sending my art ahead to a print shop in NYC and picking it up before the convention. There are indeed MANY of those in New York and I managed to find one that was open on Saturdays and able to make my print on short notice. (567 Framing on W 14th street. The owner, Jack Hu, did excellent work and was very kind!) By that point I was frazzled and didn’t want two of the same print so I decided to be self-indulgent and had this one made. Not my showiest piece but it is one of my favorite things I’ve drawn. (This turned out to be the correct decision.) It’s a 6 1/2 hour train ride from here to there (and it got a little delayed along the way) so by the time I got there it was after 5 and the print shop closed at 6:30 so I zoomed over there straight from the train station to pick it up. It turned out BEAUTIFULLY, and the owner was pleased with how happy I was with it and that he’d been able to help.

He enjoys that he is included.

Then I went and checked in to my hotel and that point really just wanted to lie down on a bed but I had plans to take Pâté to see Hadestown on Broadway that night because I wanted to make the most of my trip. (Also it’s important for our scrungly son to receive a cultural education.) In keeping with the theme of the weekend I wore the Laudna-themed sundress I made for GenCon with one of the poppies in my hair. An usher told me they liked my ensemble. :) I had decided to go for a front row mezzanine seat because I didn’t know when I’d ever have this opportunity again and I didn’t want to risk my miniature self being stuck behind a tall person. It was perfect; I could see everything and the performance was AMAZING. Pâté had a very good time too.

The next day was the CR panel and autographs!! I decided to wear my 1950s Laudna cosplay from GenCon. I had some doubts about it when I got there because without the rest of 50s Bells Hells the theme isn’t as clear and outside of a DnD-focused convention the recognizability of a CR character is kind of low, let alone an AU variant on one. But once I found the Critters my Pâté poodle skirt was appreciated. :)

This is Rach @dadrielle, Astoria @astoriacolumnstaircase, Abby @overnighttosunflowers, and me as 50s Hells at GenCon!

And okay I know this said a lot but it’s true, CR fans are the NICEST fandom to be a part of. <3 If you’re ever standing in line for a CR thing by the time you get there you will have new friends. (For comparison the other-fandoms cosplayers I saw at the hotel and on the way to the con didn’t even return my smiles, even though we were all clearly going to the same place.) I fell in with a group of people who were near me in line (including an amazing Owlbearman cosplayer) and we decided to all sit together. The panel was really great. I don’t remember everything that was asked because of everything ELSE that happened later that day but they hinted that Big Things are coming (including multiple live shows!! Please come to Richmond! Or DC! Or at least somewhere on the East Coast!) for the 10th anniversary and Momlan stepped up to the mic during the Q&A segment and revealed that Sam has achieved his childhood dream . . . to become a minotaur. :D

With the mindset of making the most of this trip I had intended to try to get a spot in line to ask a question but I was hesitant about being on camera (even in cosplay) and while I was dithering about it like 50 people got in line. (I was also Suffering by that point because my rockabilly Laudna shoes have like 3 inch heels and after walking from the hotel to the convention center I didn’t have the fortitude to dart over to the line in them.)

My question, which I hope to submit next time there’s a Q&A opportunity, was this: For Marisha. We’ve seen Delilah’s influence manifesting in Laudna’s fashion choices recently. Now that she has the means and the freedom to do so, what kind of clothes would she choose for herself?

(Because I am a little sad that — until a possible post-campaign oneshot — we’ll never get to see a high-level Laudna costume that’s totally of her own design and I’m really eager to know what it would look like! Let her be spooky and free!)

Afterwards the cosplayers were being rounded up for a photo shoot but I was anxious to get a good spot in line for my autograph with Laura at 2pm so I stealthed away with Ken (@elissabrat), a Jester fan I had met in line, who knew where they were and had one with Travis at the same time. When we got there we were told No, go away and come back in an hour and a half, because it was still only 12. So we went to the Artists Alley where we found a girl named Lea whom we had also met in the panel line and collected a few other stray Critters (Ken has a boisterous and inviting personality and importantly, is very tall, preventing the rest of us from getting lost in the crowd) and we wandered around seeking out all the CR fan artists we could find. (There were a lot! It was great. I got some prints.)

by Cait May and Maliveth

Around 1 we decided to go back and see what the line situation was. Before we parted ways I exchanged twitter handles with Lea, who looked at my profile and said “Wait . . . this is you?”

She told me she was a big fan of my comic and looks forward to it every week! and we were both kind of like !!! at each other for a moment. I had never met someone who recognized my art in the wild before. (On ANY other day this would have been the most amazing thing that happened to me, haha.) I was so touched to meet her. <3

I took out the two books I was carrying and explained why I was there and we all got hyped up about it. And it made it feel a little less daunting, to know that there was someone there who understood the quest I was on and how close I was to the end of it.

I was like 5th in line for Laura and since it was still early I got to participate in that bonding experience integral to every con, sitting on the floor in cosplay, with a very good Vex behind me. (Hilariously, even after the dig at them — or maybe unaware of it — in the most recent episode, there were a lot of Funko Pop resellers around us, haha.)

I sent word to Southern Gothic Discord to remember me fondly in case I died here. In fact I'm not entirely sure that I didn't.

It felt like there was a disproportionate amount of fanfare revealing my print because I kept it how it was packed by the printer, wrapped in paper in between two pieces of cardboard so it wouldn’t get bent, so there was this whole ceremony of peeling back the tape, turning under one of the cardboard protectors, unfolding the paper, and turning over the print. But Laura loved it. She made like a happy sob when she saw it (it was really cute) and she looked at it for a long time taking in all the details and said it was beautiful. <3 <3 <3 (No matter how much we love and ship Imogen and Laudna, NO ONE loves them or is shipping them harder than Laura Bailey. She asked if I was going to bring it to Marisha too and was careful picking out a spot so there'd be room for both of their signatures. :))

I told her I was really happy to meet her because I’ve been a fan since BloodRayne (so, um. 20 years) and she said “oh wow, that was OG days!” And she gave me just a really kind look like she understood how much it meant to me to be there.

Then I gave her the comic. You all were right, I was worried about nothing! because she is the sweetest and she loved it. I very nervously pushed it across the table and said it was a comic I had made and wanted to give her. She picked it up and started turning the pages and was surprised when she saw what it was. “Wait, this is a whole novel! You made this?”

I confessed that I had, and she asked how long it had taken, I told her about a year (it was actually longer; in the moment I kind of forgot not how many pages there are in the first chapter but how many weeks are in a year) and she looked just really impressed that I had made it and touched by how much work had gone into it. She said she couldn’t wait to read it and seemed really excited to hear that it’s still going online! (So no pressure on me there if she's keeping up with it now, haha. o.o) And she kept looking between the book and me like she couldn’t believe it.

Then she asked me if I would sign it for her. :')

Somehow I survived long enough to do so! (a little wobbly because my hands were shaking) and someone (I think it was the ticket scanner) made a joke about how I was the first person to give an autograph at a signing, haha. And then she came around the table and gave me a hug. <3 <3 <3

After that my soul was still on the ethereal plane but the rest of me managed to find my way (after a brief wrong turn) to Marisha’s line. (There was a really good Keyleth and Caduceus in line behind me and they kindly noticed and returned the Pâté sticker that fell out of Marisha’s book).

She recognized my cosplay as 1950s Laudna right away! which was very validating after my earlier indecision haha. She loved the Pâté skirt and thought the scissors embroidery on my collar was adorable. She really liked the art too and was kind of like “Awww” about the book like in an “aww it’s an Imogen and Laudna thing” kind of way (she also liked the glass bottle windchimes on the cover and I love that she noticed that detail because Laudna’s penchant for turning things other people have thrown away into arts and crafts is one of my favorite aspects of her character) until she opened it and started looking through it.

Then she said, “Wait, this is actually really good," and she asked me seriously if Liam “Art Dad” knew about it (I said he had liked some of my other art on Twitter but I didn’t know if he knew about the comic) and then she said — still looking at it, more to herself than me — “We’ll have to add it to our art catalogue.” I don’t know exactly what that means (and I don’t want to get my hopes up too high by speculating; I was too !!! in the moment to ask and now I’m going to be wondering) but . . . it sounds . . . exciting??

They also both enjoyed Pâté and his lil sunglasses. :)

I had gone up with the intention of asking my other burning question: How does being cold-blooded affect Laudna in cold climates? If she gets too cold will she enter a state of brumation like a lizard? Will she freeze solid?

But I forgot. And it really wouldn’t have been the right moment. Maybe when I come back with Volume Two. :)

You’re supposed to pay extra to get a quote put on there but they both did it anyway without even asking. I think they must be really pleased when someone brings them something personal that they’ve made to have signed and not something they’re planning to sell.

After that I just kind of floated away from the con even though it was only like 2:30 haha. Nothing else could have happened there that would have equaled or improved upon that experience. Although I did adopt a Tentacle Kitty. The vendor (correctly) guessed “you look like you’d vibe with our spooky collection” so I had to get a new buddy for Pâté. (50s Laudna, still readily identifiable as a witch wherever she goes.) Also I saw a very chill emotional support pomeranian in a backpack.

(On the way back I saw the mark of the Traveler graffiti’d in green on the sidewalk. Truly a blessed day. :P)

Afterwards I just sat on the bed in my hotel room amid the floof of my crinoline wondering what even is my life for the next few hours and being like !!!! at Discord. Then I met up with Abby (whom it was wonderful to see again!! thank you so much for coming to see me) for dinner and had a really lovely time going over the What Just Happened of it all and talking about Imodna over strawberry pancakes. As one does. Perfect ending to an amazing day. <3

It was SUCH an incredible, exhilarating experience, thank you everyone who pushed me into not giving up out of fear. Laura and Marisha are SO nice and gracious in person and it was just so rewarding, after all the work and love and time I’ve put into this comic, to be able to finally bring it to the people who inspired it! And to see it appreciated and admired by them! It was more than I ever could have imagined.

This fandom is the best. My heart is so happy and full of love right now. <3 <3 <3

[romancingromanoff]

Second Death

Andromache the Scythian x f!reader

I decided to create a series for Andromache (my beloved). Here’s part 1, part 2, and part 3

Summary: Your first mission does not go according to plan

TW: Violence, major character death, somewhat descriptive gore, getting shot in the face, head explosions (kinda), ANGST

Words: around 3,000

A/N: Aside from being very difficult for me to write, this is probably the darkest I've ever gotten in terms of physical violence. So, uh, Happy Halloween I guess?

The plan was based off Buenos Aires 1822 (not 1922 as you had incorrectly assumed at first) which was a reference you obviously didn’t understand but was being explained to you in the most hectic way possible.

“Wait, so Nicky was decapitated-”

“Half decapitated. I didn’t actually die!”

“But you were quite light-headed for the rest of the day, my dear.” Joe feigned concern, brushing the back of his hand across his partner’s forehead and smiling like a fool.

Your leader was having none of it.

“Can we be serious please?” Immediately, the entire group’s focus shifted back to the Scythian. She certainly wasn’t going to admit it but she was apprehensive with this being your first mission. For months, you’d been doing nothing but training and begging her to let you in on the action until she was finally forced to give in. The instinct to keep you safe gnawed at Andy while it became increasingly difficult to ignore how your desire to prove your worth would only continue to grow. She recognized the same frustrations in a much younger version of herself and remembered how reckless it drove her to be.

“I’d rather we didn’t repeat that portion this time, agreed?”

You all nodded.

They laid out all the details about the traffickers and the group of people you were meant to rescue. It was an estimated 25-40 women and older girls being smuggled through for undoubtedly unpleasant purposes Andy didn’t get too detailed with. She, Joe, and Nico planned to storm the ship when it completely docked and most of the crew was on land retrieving supplies and weapons. That would leave only a few guards standing between them and the captives, who were most likely being held somewhere below deck. Once they find them, you and Booker would bring in the truck to help get everyone out. It sounded simple enough, but the fact that it was meant to go off without a hitch somehow doubled the amount of pressure you were applying to yourself. They had all done this at least once before, so if things went south then it was all because of you.

A few hours passed and you sat next to Booker in the passenger seat of the truck parked a couple of meters away from the ship and near a loading dock. With the engine off it was starting to get increasingly cold, but you didn’t even mind the chill at that point. You needed to be as alert as possible for what was to come.

Booker clearly sensed your apprehension. “It’s okay to be nervous, we’re not going to let anything bad happen to you.” He kept his voice low and his eyes glued on the dock entrance while you tried to do the same. 

Your mind was wrapped up in much bigger concerns. “I’m not worried about that. What if something goes wrong because of me? If I get hurt then so be it, I just don’t want to endanger anyone else when their lives and freedom are at stake.”

“You’ll be fine. Trust your training and lean on your team if you need help. That’s what we’re here for.” He offered you an encouraging smile that you attempted to return the best you could, yet you also wished he wouldn’t look at you with so much sympathy all of the time. As much as you appreciated everything they had done for you, you longed to show the others that you were capable of carrying your own weight and didn’t need someone to hold your hand constantly.

The two of you settled into a silence that was occasionally filled with a comment or two about nothing in particular. It didn’t do much to settle your nerves. You watched as dozens of muscular men left in packs, each one armed with at least a pistol that Booker taught you how to spot. He translated some of the French he could hear them speaking, which was mostly crude, misogynistic banter that made your jaw clench up.

“Good to know that men are pigs in basically all cultures,” you murmured mostly to yourself and tried to get your jaw to relax. Surprisingly, it earned you a gratifying laugh from the Frenchman and you were relieved when he didn’t take your comment too personally. 

“For the most part, I don’t disagree.”

“How will Andy and the others know when all of them have left?” You changed the subject upon the realization that the rest of the guard was hidden somewhere no one would see them, not even you. It was still difficult to imagine they had a better scouting position than the near-direct view you did.

“Don’t worry, they’ll know,” Booker assured you in a slightly amused tone. Some secrets were still too complicated for you to know about yet, you supposed.

Almost a half hour later, three heads eventually peered up through the shadows and Andy, Joe, and Nico lifted themselves up onto the ship. Perfectly lit by hues of the full moon, they danced towards their destination, the sheer coordination and skill reminding you of just how experienced they were. With Andy leading the pack, they silently began making their way up the vessel as a single unit. No words or other body gestures needed to be shared when they occupied the same hive mind. The group only came to a stop when they reached a door and huddled around it, trying to listen for anyone that might be on the other side. When you assumed everything was clear, Andy swiftly kicked it open and entered with her gun aimed and ready. 

Not even a minute after all three filed in, the sound of a gunshot suddenly shook you. You immediately turned to Booker, whose face gave away the slightest look of concern at the noise. This must not have happened in Buenos Aires. No more gunshots followed, thank goodness, but there were sounds of a struggle going on below deck which had the two of you on high alert. You prayed that nobody else close by could hear the commotion.

Things began to steer away from the original plan when Joe emerged from below far before he should have, struggling to keep another figure under control as he held their arms in a twisted position behind their back while continuing to firmly push them forward. Even in the dark, you could just make out how young the kid appeared to be. He couldn’t have been older than 16 and you assumed his reason for being on the ship was because he had an older relative in the crew. You relaxed when you realized that meant how unlikely it was that he’d be trained in how to fight. Joe would definitely keep from harming him unless he absolutely had to. Stupidly, you also forgot about how reckless young boys can be.

Everything fell apart in a mere matter of seconds. As he appeared to calm down, Joe eased up on the grip he held the boy with and he it didn’t seem like he would move at first. But in an instant, the scraggly kid darted from his grasp and sprinted around a corner and out of your line of sight to the completely opposite side of the ship. Booker reached for the door handle as a precaution while the rest of his body remained seated. A bead of sweat rolled down your neck despite the chill in the air and the gradual understanding that Book might be preparing to leave you on your own stilled your body completely. All of the careful planning you had fought to carefully commit to memory melted into mush.

Your thoughts were interrupted by a high-pitched whistle that rang through the air and your eyes quickly followed a bright red light travel up into the sky before it burst into a large display of lights and smoke. Time seemed to slow down and your heart sped up. Of course, if there wasn’t going to be another pistol going off, it had to be a goddamn flare gun. Yelling, alarmed Frenchmen could then be heard scrambling towards the dock and Booker cursed under his breath.

“Stay here, I’ll go help the others!” Booker leaped out of the vehicle, throwing the keys which hit your petrified figure. Part of you wanted to speak up and stop him but you could only squeak out an indecipherable sound of concern seconds after he was gone. Looking back at the ship, you caught sight of Nico peeking his head out from the door they entered through. He exited with a determined look on his face and was followed by a line of women. You itched at your sweating palms when twenty women or so had piled out and there was still no sign of Andy. 

The men hurrying in from the opposite direction quickly diverted your attention. Squinting your eyes, you were able to spot a figure in the distance headed straight towards your vehicle. You nearly panicked but caught yourself, uncertain if you were dealing with the traffickers or possibly random dock workers that had been alarmed by the flare and merely wanted to check out the situation. Either way, you decided it was still too risky to start up the engine just yet. At least, you told yourself the others probably wouldn’t want you to give away your position.

That’s when you noticed a faint movement in your side mirror. A tuft of matted blonde curls belonging to a distressed woman’s face peeked over the top of one of the crates not to far behind you. She must’ve spotted something concerning, because her eyes went wider than a trapped mouse’s and she disappeared back down, ultimately causing the crates to shake. You ground your back teeth together and prayed it was only you who had seen her. But then right on cue, the blinding glow of a flashlight landed directly over the area where the woman was hiding. The man you had spotted only moments before, his flashlight lit up a devious grin on his face that urged you to hold in your breath. He even sounded like the devil when he spoke. It didn’t take a high level French skills to tell that he began goading the poor woman like it was some sadistic game to him. 

He approached the crates ever so slowly, savoring the anticipation which laid before whatever unspeakable plans he had for his victim. It then occurred to you that she was most likely paralyzed with the same fear that had struck you.

And yet, she was the one currently being hunted while you were poised to sit and watch it unfold. You, protected by both your position and inexplicable gift of immortality. None of it seemed remotely fair and your body began to stir at the simple thought.

“Under no circumstances should you be engaging in combat,” Andy had firmly laid down the law several times leading up to this day. You’d never wanted to disobey anything she said so passionately before and here it felt like you scarcely had no other option but to go against something she forbade. 

The adrenaline rushing through your veins threw your body into action before you could debate any further. Barely aware of the forces taking hold of you, you tumbled out of the door and landed directly behind the attacker who continued to stalk forward towards the woman’s hiding place. He slowly began to raise his gun, something with barrels much longer than your forearms, and it was like you didn’t have the time to properly assess whatever danger lie at the other end. You just didn’t want it pointing at her.

Without a hint of hesitation, you drove foot into the back of the man’s left knee and he immediately crumbled down to about a third of his height. You were ready for him with your knife once his face spun around and an overpowering sense of rage guided your arm to make a clean cut from just below his right eyebrow, across the bridge of his nose, and finally through the center of his left eye. 

Something solid and heavy smacked the front of your head and you could hear the woman behind you scream in horror before everything went black.

Horrific violence was nothing if not a sheer constant to Andy. She had both experienced and caused enough to fill the oceans with blood, yet nothing made her seethe with rage more than watching yours spill from your head like a geyser. A thousand lifetimes stained with death could not have prepared her for the sight of your limp body hitting the ground, to which there was no question as to whether or not you were dead. Even if you had been wearing some type of protective head gear, a shotgun firing within five inches of your face would have been fatal. 

She was usually a pro at keeping her emotions under control until the mission was completed and never steered away from the plan without first calculating the absolute best course of action. The other teammates she had and the terrified group of women she was meant to protect called upon her to uphold her position as the leader, a task she had shouldered over a million times before despite whatever her personal feelings demanded. Absolutely none of that mattered now. Getting to you, killing that bastard, and wrapping you up in your arms became the only course of action she was capable of taking. 

Her first priority was taking out the son of a bitch that dared to touch you before anyone else got hurt. She handed off the little girl she had been carrying to Nico before barreling over a crate and launching herself over the side of the ship, rolling smoothly to break her fall when she hit the the dock. 

Despite how fast she ran, she seemed to move at a cursedly slow pace. She was still too quick for the man, his blood leaking from the fresh gash you had tore across his face, to notice her. He didn’t even get a chance to run before the warrior drove her labrys straight into the already-open wound. Andy could only revel in the brief taste of satisfaction for a moment before her emotions began swarming once again, the anger she had held for that man was now aimed solely at herself.

“Booker, get her into the back!” She barked at the Frenchman to take care of the hostage still hiding while rushing over to where your body collapsed. Up close, the sight was even more gruesome as blood, flesh, and bone were splattered all across what used to be your face. It would have been generous to call what was left of everything above your neck a simple stump. She knew she needed to get you out of there fast but hated to leave behind any parts of your head that might have been salvageable. Even saving something like an ear or significant chunk of your skull could aid in speeding up the healing process. She knew it would be excruciatingly painful for you to grow back yourself. 

She desperately grabbed at fistful of what she hoped was your brain before scooping you up in her arms. It was the fact that you were so much lighter than usual which made her wince, though she couldn’t help but be somewhat relieved when it meant it allowed her to run faster on her feet. Cautious yet quick, Andy made a beeline for the passenger’s seat of the truck and cradled your body in her arms while you continued to bleed out. It wasn’t a sight she wanted any of the hostages to witness and it’s not like she was letting go of you anytime soon anyway. 

“Drive!” One word was all she needed to command whomever was at the steering wheel to get out of there as fast as possible. It didn’t even occur to her to look up and check to see who she was sitting next to, as she immediately began trying to pick up any movement in your chest or a sign of a pulse in your wrist, anything that indicated the resurrection process was in motion.

“Please, please, come back to me,” she pleaded as your warm blood began to pool across her lap.

“Give her a second.” She realized it was Booker currently driving. “It’s only her second time and will probably take longer than expected.”

The women they had freed were now crammed together once again, only this time being in the back of a dark loading truck as it sped through the dead of night was probably far more merciful than them being forced to witness the transformation you were currently undergoing. Andy, however, couldn’t tear a single string of her attention away from you throughout the entire process. 

Each noise you made followed by the eventual cries of her name from your lips, once your mouth and airways had completely reformed, tore at Andromache deeper and deeper, in ways that no physical pain she had ever endured could compare. She bit down on her tongue till it was bloody as you repetitively squeezed her hand throughout the entire process. The same ones you often used to delicately recreate precious moments on paper broke more than a few of her bones. But Andy barely noticed and didn’t have the capacity to care. All she was focused on was you.

For the first time in centuries, the Scythian invoked the words of an ancient prayer and resurrected a long dead language as she tried to soothe your pain. She stopped believing in a higher power a long time ago but couldn’t shake the truth that repeating those words made her feel anchored to something even larger than her life or her immortality. There wasn’t anything she wouldn’t try if it might possibly bring you a sense of comfort, which she actually prayed may happen. 

[0blobthefish0]

Could you do a part 3 for One last time? (Preferably happy end)

amelia shepherd masterlist | main masterlist

Part 1, Part 2

One Last Time Part 3

Amelia Shepherd x Female Raeder 3,268 words

You had been fired. Fired from your corporate job, the awkward walk with a box full of your stuff in your hands - only to be seen in movies - was real and you were embarrassed beyond belief. In all fairness you hadn't been fired, you had been cut, but it might as well have been the same thing; you were still without a job.

Your friend stared at you with a frown as she watched you let out another dramatic sigh over the situation you had found yourself in. The two of you had already talked about how unhappy your previous job had made you: the endless hours, the never changing days, the strict dress code and the entitled men. God, you never wanted to go back into a job like that ever again.

"Babysit." Your friend blurted out. You turned your head and raised a singular brow at her that read the word 'really?' "Don't look at me like that, Isaac loves you."

"He fell out of a tree." You dead-panned which made her laugh, but you serious what if Isaac hadn't been so lucky?

"Eh- it was his own fault. Kids are tough." She shrugged as she took a sip of her wine. "You've been there ever since Isaac was born, helping where you could even before his dad left." She stood up and patted your knee, "Think about it, I think you'd do great." She told you as she walked off into the kitchen.

That night you had spent your time researching, and the more that you had, the more that the thought of babysitting became no longer just a thought but something tangible - something truly obtainable. Over the course of a few months, you had begun your journey - training the skills you'd need for your new job. And then you had started your first, official, babysitting job; and you loved it. Every day was something new, it was exciting, bringing something into your life that you hadn't realised had even left - joy. Only after a few months of servicing the standard babysitting, you had decided to switch to a company that focused on providing for those who had more taxing jobs: firefighters, entrepreneurs, paramedics, those who have to travel for work and, of course, surgeons, nurses and doctors.

You checked once again that you had the correct address and pressed a finger to the doorbell; you heard a dull clatter and then the click-clacking of heels on a hard floor before the door swung open. A tall, red-headed woman stood in front of you, a slightly stressed smile on her face as she quickly welcomed you in. Addison Montgomery. You had met before, for your compatibility test, a key part in the hiring process - especially when you'd be spending a lot more time with her son than the regular babysitter. The second you had met Henry, you fell in love with him. So young, but already had such a big character.

"Henry's sleeping right now, just in that room over there, all of his things are in here, there's food in the fridge if you wanna cook or there's money if you'd like to order something," Addison said hurriedly as she gave you a very quick tour of the ground floor of the ocean-side house. "Again, I'm so sorry to call you so late, it's just that I got paged and-" she let out a nervous laugh and tucked her hair behind her ears.

"It's no problem, it is my job after all," you replied and sent her a comforting smile as you followed her to the door. "Now, you should really get going, you have nothing to worry about. I can even send updates if you'd like?" You offered, she was a first-time mum, leaving your child in the care of somebody else was stressful, especially the first time around.

"That'd be perfect, really, I cannot thank you enough." Her eyes flicked to her watch and she stepped outside her door, "okay thank you so, so much, I have to go." You lingered by the door as she ran toward her door, and just as you were about to turn away you heard her shout. "Another person lives here too, just so you don't freak out or anything if she does come home!" You gave her a thumbs up as she rolled up the window and sped off into the night.

▫▫▫

"ADDISON!" Amelia shouted as she stood in front of the open fridge, a hand on each door, as she eyed a tub of leftover pasta.

"Gosh, I'm right here," Addison lightly scolded as she rounded the corner into the kitchen. Amelia looked over her shoulder sheepishly and gave her an apologetic smile.

"Can I eat this?" She questioned holding up the tub.

"Yeah," Addison replied with a wave of her hand as she put away Henry's toys that were littered across the floor. Amelia scooped out a portion into her bowl before pushing it into the microwave, almost instantly a divine smell wafted out from behind the door as it heated up her meal. As Amelia shovelled a forkful into her mouth she let out a delighted hum.

"God, this is amazing, who cooked this?" She gasped as she pushed more into her mouth. "Cause it definitely wasn't you." Addison rolled her eyes as she shook her head in reply to Amelia's stab at her.

"Why do you say it like I can't cook?" Addison huffed to which Amelia only raised a brow. "The new babysitter cooked it last night, she's really good with Henry, she's perfect honestly. I was so glad she was able to come on such short notice yesterday."

"Well, you should give her a raise because this," she pointed at the pasta with her fork, "is art." As Amelia swallowed another forkful, she couldn't help but feel a sense of nostalgia; little did she know that, not even twelve hours earlier, you had been dancing around the kitchen singing to Henry as you chopped up a few tomatoes.

▫▫▫

It had been a month after your first night with Henry and Addison couldn't be happier- you were a big help, always being available for when she was suddenly called in for an emergency. Amelia, however, was yet to meet Addison's god-sent babysitter.

You pushed the key into the lock and quickly shut the door behind you. Addison wasn't home; she had called you saying that she was needed at the hospital and to let yourself in as she wasn't going to be there because her sister was home. You hang your coat on the rack before making your way to Henry's room to check on him, the steady pitter-patter of the shower sounded throughout the house, a telltale sign that somebody else was here. Henry was sleeping soundly and so you started on cleaning the kitchen in preparation of cooking Addison's request for that night.

Amelia stepped out of the shower, her hair wet as she wrapped a towel around herself and tiptoed outside of the bathroom. However, she stopped dead in her tracks when her eyes landed on a door. Just a door, it had been there when she got in and it was there now as she was stepping out. Her brows furrowed as she stared at it. Though still ajar, the door was less ajar than she had remembered. Now, if Amelia hadn't known that she was alone she wouldn't have given it a second thought. But she did and she grew more nervous as each second went by. A clang echoed from downstairs and Amelia felt her heartbeat quicken.

With caution, Amelia stepped down the stairs and peeked through the bannisters for a glimpse of the intruder, but saw nothing. With a deep, soundless, breath, she slinked down the remainder of the stairs and tip-toed her way through the corridor, the clanging getting louder. She saw movement from the corner of her eye and froze. One second passed and then another, stretching for much longer than she thought was possible before a figure shot though the air and smashed into the window, causing Amelia to jump backward.

A bird. Amelia felt herself relax, the towel slacking around her shoulders. After a few more seconds, she saw as the poor bird picked itself up from the floor and hurtled, once again, full force at the window, wincing as she heard the familiar crash and thump. She needed a towel in order to help the bird out and so she started for the kitchen. Little did she know that you were in there, recovering from being 'attacked' by the bird and just about to grab the hand towel from the rack, edging closer and closer to each other without evening knowing it.

Amelia rounded the corner; and let out a frightened shout. Clasping a hand over her chest as she heaved in oxygen. "Jesus fuck!"

"Amelia?" You almost shouted, but there was really no need - you knew that voice anywhere.

"Y/n!" She gaped in shock causing her hand to slip on its hold on the towel ever so slightly. You felt your cheeks reddening at her appearance; damp hair, bright eyes and glowing skin which was only covered by a small towel.

"I um, yeah, what-" your eyes widened and pointed blindly with your thumb behind you- "Addie." Your realisation hit you like a brick, you were working for the Addison, the same Addison that was Amelia's found sister. You watched as Amelia nodded her head that same pout on her lips that she always did, some things never changed.

"You're the babysitter," Amelia hummed as she came to her own revelation. Comically, Henry's cries sounded throughout the kitchen from the monitor and you quickly excused yourself and disappeared, not before Amelia stole a quick look at you leaving. A small smile overcoming her lips before it quickly fell with the widening of her blue eyes.

▫▫▫

Time could not move more quickly; Henry was already a year old and you and Amelia had been dancing around each other for many months. As she became more comfortable around you, you couldn't help but recognise more of her old self; the small habits, the little mannerisms and the quick facial expressions. God, you felt like a teenager again. Falling for the same person.

You fell back onto the sofa with an exhausted sigh - getting Henry down was proving much harder now that he had the physical ability to explore, it being all that he wanted to do - and grabbed the remote from the coffee table. As you flicked through the endless number of films and shows you heard keys to the front door jingle before it cracked open. Heavy boots echoed throughout the silent room, only lit by the light from the television, as they moved closer. You already knew who it was; you could pick her out in a room, blind.

"Y/n!" She greeted with her wide grin as she threw her keys onto the counter.

"How was work?" You questioned as she passed you, kicking off her shoes and falling back onto the sofa next to you. So close her thigh was pressed up against yours, the heat of her skin blooming across yours causing your cheeks to burn ever so slightly.

"It was alright, nothing too special, just one aneurysm after the other," she mumbled before reaching over you to grab a handful of crisps. "What're we watching?" She nodded, mouth full, toward the screen.

"Oh-" you let out, quickly directing your attention away from her, "nothing yet." You felt Amelia turn to you, raising a brow and taking the remote from you, and before you could protest, music sounded throughout the room. "What's this?"

"Something good," she replied, eyes already glued to the screen, and you couldn't help the smile pulling at the corners of your lips before turning to stare at the same screen.

Your skin was burning - not like how it does when it touches something just out of the oven, but more as if you had been struck by lightning. You felt static. Amelia had inched further, cuddling into your side as your hand rested on her waist; how it happened? You didn't know. The scene displayed in front of you was serene, romantic, like a field of wildflowers and your skin was tingly - like the feeling of holding something that was about to fall. You felt her shift softly beside you and you turned your head, only for your breath to hitch, her blue eyes already on yours. You searched her eyes, as music began to play, and watched intently as they flicked to your lips. You mirrored her movements. Heart steadily picking up speed. Lup-dup. Her tongue poked out to wet her bottom lip. Lup-dup. You did the same. Lup-dup. Your eyes connected; and she began to lean in. Lup-dup, lup-dup. Your hand pulled her in further and her fingers lightly touched your collar bone. Lup-dup, lup-dup, lup-dup. Her soft lips met yours, your eyes fluttered closed, and the two of you moved rhythmically like a song remembered only once it begins to play. Her hands feeling across the top of your chest before she found purchase on your shoulders as she unconsciously swung a leg over your lap to straddle you.

And then the two of you jolted away. Henry's cries blaring through the room. Cutting sharply through your moment. Her chest heaved in time with yours as she stared down at you with her pupil-blown eyes. You swallowed nervously and Henry let out his second wave of screams.

Soundlessly, Amelia slid off of your lap and sat cross-legged on the sofa as she watched you send her a nervous smile and hurriedly make your way up to the baby. Leaving her picking at her pink, swollen lips - courtesy of you - with a shit-eating grin on her face.

You didn't see Amelia until a week later when you were pushed into a storage cupboard.

"There's a special thing happening at mummy's work today and you get to meet all of her friend's kids," you answered Henry's question as you pulled his top over his head. "You're gonna make a ton of new friends today, Henry." You promised him before you scooped him up in your arm and swung his bag onto your other shoulder.

You hear the sound of a loud horn come from outside and you quickly rushed down the stairs and out the door to see the Uber that you had asked for waiting just outside the house. You gave Henry his dummy after you strapped him securely into the back seat, before climbing into the passenger's side as you apologised for being late.

After a few moments of awkward silence - only filled by the low rumble of the engine and the constant noise of the outdoors - the driver, John, turned to you. You gave him a quick smile as he found the words to say, before he shook his head and continued the journey just as it had started.

You saw the hospital come into view and you quickly checked the time only for your eyes to widen, Addison was going to kill you. As soon as the car rolled to a stop you leapt out of the passenger door and pulled open the back door to unclip Henry from the seat and pull him up into you. "Thank you! Wait-" you started as you began to rummage through the pockets in your trousers, "here." You pushed a note into the man's hand and you moved to close the door.

"Is he yours?" The driver questioned, pausing you from closing the door fully. You could hear the judgement in his voice; you looked younger than you were, but to have that firsthand account of prejudice just because you had a baby with you - you couldn't believe it.

"No." You said bluntly with a scowl and closed the door shut, harder than you normally would, and turned forcefully on your heel into the hospital. Addison was the first person to greet you, taking Henry from your arms, before she guided you to the nursery quickly.

"Where have you been, Y/n?" She questioned your tardiness.

"I know, I know, I'm sorry! But I couldn't find Henry's dummy this morning and he did not want to wear his clothes today. And! That Uber driver definitely thought I was Henry's mother and was definitely judging me for it. I could see it in that man's eyes, y'know?" You rambled as you skipped every other step just to catch up with her.

Addison sent you a sad smile and then she was pushing through the door to the nursery. Your mood instantly brightened, it was as if a paint factory had exploded; the kids were dipping their hands and feet into paint and pressing them into the white walls - with the help of an adult of course.

"Addison, I'll just put the bags here and be in my way," you walked to the collection of bags in the corner and squatted down as you checked that Henry had everything he needed.

"You can stay if you'd like," Addison urged. "You know that Henry adores you," she frowned as she made Henry look at you."

"Awwh I'm really sorry, Henry, but I've got something nice in the oven." You looked over to Addison, "Your favourite," and you watched as her face lit up as she hummed at the thought.

"Okay, fine, say bye-bye to Y/n," she told him as she moved his hand to wave goodbye. You let out a wide grin as you said your goodbyes and left the nursery.

You paused. Mentally bashing yourself for not looking around as you had previously followed Addison through the hospital. You squinted, telling yourself that you did in fact know the way before taking one step after the other.

You were lost. Definitely lost. And where was everyone? Weren't you in a hospital? You let out a deep breath before continuing on your journey, when a familiar figure came from behind a corner.

"Amelia!" You sighed happily as you began to move to her side. She looked serious and you slowed down slightly, but she was still coming closer.

"Hi," she began when she was close enough to put a hand on your back and guide you, quite forcefully you'll admit, into a storage cupboard. The door closed behind her.

"Woah! What, hello?" Your eyebrows furrowed as your eyes searched Amelia for answers.

"Can we talk?" She sounded so serious and you instantly zipped your mouth shut and nodded your head. "We kissed," you nodded your head again, "I really like you and if you want to- I'd really like to try again. I've changed, I promise."

Amelia was picking at her fingers as a smile grew on your face. "Amelia, I really like you too and I'd love if we tried again." Amelia's head shot up and her blue eyes bore into yours.

"Really?" And you let out a laugh as you pulled her closer.

"Yes, really. Of course, really." You smiled and Amelia pressed her lips to your own in a sweet kiss. The smile on your face mirrored by her, until your face fell.

"Shit."

Let's just say that Addison's muffins were definitely burnt to a crisp. However, you and Amelia had lots of fun remaking them: teaching her the recipe, (her) making a mess, dancing to music and stealing kisses in between breaks. The two of you were going to be just fine.

[beelmons]

love comes in moments.

Pairing: Spencer Reid x Fem!BAU!Reader Rating: Mature, 13+. Tags: Angst, no happy ending, Reid!POV, slow burn if you squint Word count: 6,772 Summary: Dr. Spencer Reid writes a memoir about the 15 years he spent by your side, and everything you went through since the moment you joined the BAU. A/N: I wanted to feel utter pain, so I wrote it. Hopefully you will suffer with me. Also, this hasn't been proof read, so things might change a bit during the week as I re-read it. This fic ended up having an aftermath with an slightly happier ending, you can read it here Heavily inspired by these two songs: 1 , 2 Tag list: @hey-dw @cassiemartzz

“Entry 1: The humble beginnings. 

I still remember the day you first came through the doors of the unit. Shoulders down, your stare facing the floor, walking slightly behind Gideon. You were nervous, at the least, but if your body spoke as loudly as I was guessing, terrified would have been a more accurate word. 

I couldn’t shake your hand, the germophobia wasn’t always nice to me, but you didn’t care. You understood. You faked a high-five, and just like that we had our own little inside joke. I had made a new friend within thirty seconds of meeting her; that was a first, but silly me, twenty-something and naïve, I couldn’t notice right away that a woman like you was meant to be many “firsts”, and even greater “onlys.”

“She’ll be your partner, be nice.” those were Hotch’s words. 

Not until much later would I have come to realize the weight of that warning. Trained eyes could reach everything I wasn’t able to. I wonder if you noticed the utter adoration that man had for you, as a subordinate, as a friend, as a companion. Aaron always had that eagle-like eye to spot people who needed him just as much as he needed them. Emily and Derek were a clear example, but that’s besides the point. 

Now, believe me when I say I’m sorry I didn’t notice how beautiful you were the second I laid my eyes on you. Perhaps, that would have saved us a lot of pain, or rather given us a lot more happiness. I was, to my ill luck, blinded by my adoration for someone else. I wouldn’t label it a mistake, it’s fair to say it was just an unfortunate event at the time, that would later come in doubles, and then in triples, like a series of them. 

Do you remember that book? ‘A series of unfortunate events’ by Lemony Snicket. It was the first thing you gave me as a birthday present, that and the ridiculous hat that haunts me to this day. Engraved in my mind I have the expression you made when I told you it was a children’s book. 

“No way! I’m giving a children’s book to a genius?!” the anguish in your voice was palpable, you were truly ashamed. 

“Well, this is not the illustrated version, so it’s technically not a children’s book. I love it, thank you.” I tried to reassure you, but I wasn’t very good at that.

Maybe, you just wanted your partner to like you, to show me you were trying, or to prove that you could know me as much as the others in such little time, but regardless of the reason you felt like you’d failed. I could see it, and I regret not letting you know just how precious that possession would turn out to be. 

Months later, we would also come to know that you couldn’t stand for that long without moving, otherwise your legs would feel swollen for days. Six hours you spent with me at the shooting range, even after Hotch had given up. They had to kick us out, and out of hunger we found that indian restaurant that’s open 24/7. I refuse to believe I still failed that certification, you were one of the best teachers I’ve ever had, but I’ll always be thankful for every missed shot, since that night I found the wonder that butter chicken was. My first time having indian food. 

Interestingly enough, we didn’t go back to that place on our own, jobs, people, life always getting in the way. Now I understand, then, it was no wonder the chicken never tasted the same.  

Entry 2: Trial, one of many. 

I still wonder how you always managed to show up, regardless of the way I constantly seemed to juggle with my own life. The first time I died, courtesy of Tobias Hankle’s dad, I wondered if my mom was going to be okay. Funny, huh? Even in death I found it hard to put my life first. I know that always pissed you off, and I never knew better, and I’m sorry to tell you I’ve kept the bad habit, I’m afraid. 

Peaceful doesn’t quite describe the way it felt, my last breath I mean. Relieved, I guess, would fit better. I had told you before, hadn’t I? The hospital she was in, the books she liked best, the letters I wrote everyday. It was a hopeful relief, I craved that you would have come to care for me enough to look after my mother if I were to be gone. 

Luckily, you didn’t get the chance to prove it, but many years later I would understand that, back then and there, you would have moved heaven and earth for me; and I should have known by the way your arms found me amidst the dark of that cemetery. I should have known by the way you stayed in my messy apartment throughout the night, by the way you held my arm when I woke up shaking in terror, and by the way you repeated that same routine every evening for almost a week. 

Should have known after you dropped everything to meet me at Gideon’s cabin as I cried over his gun and badge, as I mourned someone that I hadn’t lost, as I yet again felt insufficient to remain, to make him stay. I’m still not sure why I called you. Perhaps you would share the burden of losing a mentor, or maybe you would notice that I was breaking down, that I was too weak to fix myself, and even weaker to ask for help. No one reached out for me because I never screamed, no one knew how bad I needed it. And yet, with a simple whisper miles away, you came. You showed up. 

I should have known right when you were sitting by the toilet bowl, your hair tie loosely holding my hair together so it wouldn’t get dirty. Did I think I looked good with that? Why did I ever leave it that long? Stop, I can’t also be rambling while I write, not that you ever minded the infinite data of nothingness, did you? Circling back, I still feel the coldness of your fingers, pale with concern, as they curled around my trembling wrist while I threw up my guts and soul in that white container. 

“You should go.” I would whisper in between gargles and spits. 

“And leave you like this?” you weren’t even looking at me. I guess the image of my body bent over a basin, sickly and frail, was enough to be engraved in your mind with one glance. 

“I’m just one of the 21 million americans that struggle with at least one addiction. I’m nothing special.” I grumbled with disdain “And you don’t have a magic wand you can wave and make it go away. You’re nothing special.” 

You sighed at my words, by then you knew how stubborn I could be, am I correct? It didn’t take a profiler to figure out something like that. “Only 10% seek help, though. Those odds make you special enough, don’t you think?” If you said anything else, I cannot remember. I could only focus on the fast speed of my beating heart, that I mistook for undesired side-effects of the drugs. 

Withdrawal can be hell, but I had already had a taste of that, so I figured I could handle a bit more of it. You, on the other hand, were not ready for the burden that was I. I could see the facade you put on whenever I said something so hurtful anyone else would have gone out running, the subtle swallowing of the knots in your throat, the deep, shaky breaths, the way your eyelids clung to the tears that threatened to come out. Yes, I should have known right then and there, after you met the worst of me, and yet stayed. 

Entry 3: Did I care to share? 

To be fair, you were a bit to blame for my obliviousness. A pure heart is a mystery for men who don’t know kindness, and life hadn’t been particularly tender to me. I had begun to question if, maybe, the lifeline that had become your gentle hand meant something else. But more often than not, I had learned that love follows after life, and if it had been gentle enough to give you to me, who was I, a mere mortal, to want more, to show greed. 

You were there for Elle and her revolting, for Morgan and his search for his truth, for Garcia and her desire to cling to life after her very own kindness had almost taken it from her, and for Hotch and his falling into the darkest of despairs. You would tell me how you had to cancel plans to make him company, how you woke up extra early to make sure he’d have breakfast, how you’d pretend to be walking by his new bachelor apartment as an excuse to check up on him, and spend extra hours just so you could get him to talk in his office.I watched you worry and give your best to put a smile on a saddened face. Just like you had done for me, and the many people that we both loved. It hurt, it selfishly hurt. Your love was so vast it could fill a dam and still pour, yet my thirst could barely be quenched. 

My skin still burns with the memory of your tears falling on my hand when I told you my cravings had started again. I saw the glint of failure in your eyes, like I had years ago with the children's book. It made me question if eidetic memory could translate to the sense of touch, to this day it is vivid, like they cover me again whenever I feel the urge, whenever I need to escape. 

Once again, you showed up. You showed up at my apartment to pick me up, like a toddler waiting to be taken to the doctors, only that the person that would fix me was not a medic, it was a sponsor. I don’t think I’d have been brave enough to show up by myself, to get help on my own, if I hadn’t been so scared to hurt you again, probably bad enough to finally push you away. 

It was okay, even if you were to be shared, if your heart had space for everyone else, I was happy to know I could belong as well, to be included. I was okay sharing you, as long as I got a piece. 

Entry 4: The dreaded distance. 

I never understood politics, or the system. Ironic, though, since human behavior is nothing but a mixture of different structures interacting together, creating a being that then I would dedicate my entire life to studying. But it was always so confusing, why would they rip you away from me? Didn’t they see how good you were? Perhaps that was the issue.

I still remember the way you clung to my chest when we were saying goodbye. Did the DEA really need you? Did it really have to be you? It wouldn’t be the only time the bureau would plot against me, against the hope I grasped on to continue doing my job, but it certainly was the hardest one, and mind you, the first one. The pain of having a friend ripped from my arms, a handful of things could only compare. 

Hotch would later come to confess that my hatred for the superiors was unfunded. You were not taken, you were a tribute. When Strauss came in arms, you had to surrender to protect me. They made Aaron choose between me and you, one had to leave, it wasn’t up for discussion, and you volunteered. Because you knew, I could barely make it anywhere else. 

“It’s been a while since I was hugged like this.” you said when we were strong enough to finally pull apart, when the clock was streaking 6, and there was no professional excuse to keep you in the building for longer. 

“Like what?” I had to ask. You deserved to be engulfed in arms every waking second. You deserved to be carried by the holiest of angels. Why wouldn’t I hug you like we were in a Shakespearean tragedy? 

“Like somebody was afraid of losing me.” you answered. 

Oh, my love, was I terrified.

Maybe I am dramatic. You weren’t dead, you weren’t gone, just in a different building, in the same city. I knew where you lived, where you bought your coffee, and your favorite place to dine in. Yet, you felt so far away, so out of reach I could barely handle it. I missed you, so dearly, so madly. 

Weekly escapades to the geekiest of places, a lousy street diner I was too scared to eat at, and that I would just because of you, the faking of high-fives whenever I got an idea, my favorite inside joke, the laughter in the bullpen at my unintentioned comments, the looking over my shoulder to see if you were still there, the joy in my chest whenever you entered the room, the love I didn’t know was love. All gone, away from me. 

Your midnight calls were balm to an open wound. Calming at the stake of some pain. And I knew, one of the very few things I knew, that you weren’t doing good in that place, that your pain was greater than you would express, but your body wouldn’t lie to me, it could never lie to me, the sighs between sentences, the strain in your voice, the tiredness in your breath. But I wasn’t like you, I couldn’t just show up, I didn’t know how. I didn’t know I helped. I didn’t know I was to you what you were to me. A beacon of light, of hope.  

I wondered what was hurting you. Was I not nice enough for you to tell me what, or who, was causing that to you? “Be nice” Hotch had said. Was he nicer? You always went to him for things like these, the matters of the heart. I had to hear from Garcia, months later, about that mysterious fellow agent that was making you cry, and I realized in that moment that I had never known rage. The pure, raw need to tear someone limb by limb. How dare he toy with a soul as giving as yours? Like using the crown jewel as a skipping stone. 

Fortunately, I was not the only one that wanted to protect you. Not the only one that cared enough. A visit from Morgan, a call from Hotch, and the rat was gone, for good, and you were back in the unit, for better. 

Entry 5: When I knew without knowing. 

You’d changed, I could see, and I’d heard heartbreak does that to a person. Yet your smile always seemed to shine bright. It shone for our boss, swallowed in deep grief, it shone for JJ as she was, to no one’s surprise, cruelly taken from us, it shone for Prentiss and her struggles, the ones that were there even when she wouldn’t confess to them. 

Do you remember the flame of my tears on your shoulder when I heard she was dead? I could barely stay home. The walls seemed to crush me if I was alone. I hopped from your house, to JJ’s, to the office, to yours yet again. Your arms were my solace, my God given solace. Whenever I turned, you were there. 

I don’t know what was harder to deal with: her death or her return to life. How did you manage to not take a side? You felt the same pain I did. You cried the same tears I shed. I wondered if you were always stronger than me. Stupid question, the answer was yes. 

“I’m just saying, Spencer.” you twirled around in my kitchen as you spoke, impatient since I was taking a long time to get ready, and there was an appointment to get to.

“Well, okay, then stop saying!” I was shoving a couple of books and other belongings, I can’t even remember what, as I subtly yelled at you. 

Time and again, the stupid book would slip out whenever I tried to close my bag. It was frustrating, infuriating. Kind as you were, you kneeled with me, your hand brushed mine, and a mere graze was enough to slow me down. I looked at you. Did you see pain? I know you did. You always did. My body couldn’t lie to you. 

“I feel it too.” you began to talk “The guilt. The wishing that she was still gone so you wouldn’t have to go through the excruciating pain of betrayal.” bullseye, as per usual. I started to cry; you always made me comfortable enough to break down without care. “If you truly don’t wish to make up with them, the girls, I’ll be on your side. You have the right to feel hurt. If you tell me, right now, hand to heart, that you want to skip Rossi’s dinner and go catch that ridiculous black and white movie, I’ll get up and walk beside you, like I’ve done countless times, and I will also be there, when you are filled with regret, and the words can’t leave your mouth to ask for their forgiveness for your attitude.”

Dragged by your hand, we showed up, and I felt it, the memory of a feeling long not emoted, the warmth of family. You were right, you were always right. I walked you to your place that night, stumbling a little from the wine, laughing about something Garcia and Morgan had said. We stood by your doorway, and you stopped. You looked at me, so deeply, so filled with pride. How could I be so stupid? I should have kissed you at that moment. I should have hugged you in a way you hadn’t before, in a way that told you that in this and many other lives, I needed you with me. I needed you to be mine. 

Entry 6: The start of my demise. 

I still wonder how you did it. How did you stand beside me with a straight face while you broke on the inside? Watching me slowly fall for someone else to a point of no return, a point of devotion you had long earned. 

You knew about Maeve before anyone else. I didn’t have to tell you, my smile gave me away, since you knew it better than anyone, you were the one that put it back there more than once. You supported my every move, my every whim, my every idea to please her, to make her love me. And she loved me, and I loved her, there’s no point in hiding it. 

How did you do it? Seriously, how did you advise me to court her and hear me rant about her  like she was the latest scientific breakthrough? How did you wear a straight face as mine lit up at the thought of her name? How did you pour your heart out to help me find her? All while wearing that damned smile, the cursed reason for my existence. How did you not fall in shambles as you watched me love her? I would have, without question.

So, I beg of you to tell me. How could you possibly love me while I loved someone else? 

It’s like a riddle whose answer is before me, but I can’t see it, I can’t find it. To this day it amazes me, the way that you remained outside my door throughout the night. Did you think I didn’t know you were there? The way you took care of my food and services. Did you know I couldn’t bring myself to even check my bank account? The way you saw through me when I came back to work. You knew I wasn’t okay, regardless of my attempts to prove so. 

You remained for months by my side, showing up at my door when the night got too cold, holding my head on your lap as I sobbed, as I, once again, mourned. You stood there with me trying to fix something someone else had broken, something you didn’t even know if you could glue back together. 

“If I believed in religion, at least I could cling to the hope of meeting her again.” I muttered, and you laughed a bit. 

“Perhaps in another universe, if you’re lucky enough.” smart of you to talk to me in terms I could understand.

“It doesn’t feel like it will ever end, you know? The grief.” I confessed to you as your fingers threaded on my locks, body too tired to hold up straight from crying, so my head laid on your thigh. 

“It will.” you reassured “Maybe not soon, but it will.” 

“Maybe.” I could only agree “but I can’t count on you to soothe my pain forever.” I only looked up because your fingers stopped moving, but I’m glad I did, I’m glad I caught your eyes, filled with endless determination, as you spoke. 

“Says who?” did you mean it? Forever? 

Entry 7: All that’s well… 

After JJ’s abduction, something drastically changed. Not just the two of us, but the entire team. Our secrets were no longer innocent and blameless, they were dangerous, harmful. They could tear us apart if not properly shared. They could push us away if we didn’t say them outright. 

My love for you was my deepest rooted secret, pushed so far into the drawer I had forgotten about it myself, too scared to pull it out, afraid I’d just have to push it back in without giving it a chance to show off. 

No more secrets. That’s the pact we all agreed on. I kept thinking about that as you walked with me. You knew it had hit me hard to see JJ so weak and hurt, reduced to bruises and agony; you also knew I would find a way to blame myself if I were to be left alone in that room, so you decided to make me some company. We dined in silence, utter absence of sound that did not, at any moment, feel odd. You walked with me, not next to me, with me. And you waited by the door for my invitation to enter. I could just stare at you, so beautifully patient, so wonderfully loving. So easy to love. 

“No more secrets.” I told you, my eyes unable to leave your face. 

“Yes, Spence. No more secrets.” you answered with that blissful smile of yours. You caught up rather quick that I was hiding something. I could never fool you, not you. “Is there something else you need to tell me?” you questioned me, and I could see the look in your eyes trying to subtly profile me. 

I couldn’t bring myself to answer. Over 7,000 languages are spoken in this world, and there were still not enough words to describe what I felt for you. I didn’t talk. My lips just found their way to yours, so naturally, so right. 

“This is a mistake.” you muttered. You were still unsure, you would tell me later, that life could be so kind to you, to have me love you. How silly of you, darling, to even dare to think I could not. 

Our bodies didn’t lie, they couldn’t lie to each other. Your tongue gave you away, it spoke of truce but tasted of war. Your hands explored all of my body, they felt my every vein, and tasted the pulse of a heart that beat for you. Your mouth spilled honey-like sounds as I greedily took every part of you for my pleasure. As I embedded your scent in my brain, to the record of things I loved about you. I had never made love. Sex, once or twice, but never love. I remember watching you sleep, your warm cheek on my bare chest; your hands, even unconsciously, clinging to my torso as if I were to slip away like a dream. But you felt so real, oh honey, you were so real. You were so mine. And I couldn’t remember the last time I was held so close I could touch love. 

I can still hear Hotch’s sermon. No more secrets, that’s what we pacted, and you were big on promises, but to be fair, so was I. An hour, I recall, we were shoved inside that office. Hands together, faces down, like children caught in the act. 

“Fraternization is dangerous,” it was his third time saying that “and if this were to come out, I would have to transfer one of you.” we didn’t care, and he could tell. He sighed, in defeat. “Just tell me one thing.” he changed directions “Are you happy?” 

He was asking you, yet pretended the question was for both. You didn’t entertain him with an answer. He already knew. He knew in the way you reached for my hand, in the way I held back a smile. He nodded. Did he approve? I don’t think we’ll ever know, but he protected us, he always protected us. 

That day, we drank and danced all together, as if our love was a reason for celebration. Apparently, it wasn’t a secret to anyone but us. Long ago they figured we’d end up together, even got some complaints for having been later rather than sooner. 

Life was good and kind with you by my side, filled with laughter, adventure, and pleasure. The darkest nights still glimmered with your presence, like a blindfold being lifted to reveal the cold truth; all it took for life to be kind was me loving you, and you loving me. 

Entry 8: Alone we stand 

When did I stop making sense? Curiously enough, that’s the one moment I can’t pinpoint. I broke a promise, and the downfall caught up. 

“Were you even going to tell me?!” you paced around my apartment in rage. 

“Come on, you know I was” I had gotten defensive, regardless of my wrongdoing. 

“When, exactly? After you had fixed it? ‘Cause you have to fix everything alone?” you snarked at me. 

“I don’t want to sound rude, but it’s a private matter.” worst phrasing I could have chosen, to be honest. 

“I’m your girlfriend, Spence. I think I have proven for quite a while now that I’m here for the bad and the worst. Instead, I have to find out your mother has Alzheimer’s through a hitman. You told a hitman before you told me!” I see now, that your anger was not unfounded. 

“She had a gun to my crotch! What did you want me to do!?” I tried to argue. 

“Oh, okay, so that’s what it takes to get you to open up?” 

No, you didn’t hold a gun to my crotch. You did way worse, you forgave me, and we moved on. But it was never the same, oh no, I could feel it, we both could feel it. How conversations seemed to require more energy, how the touches were more scripted than impulsive, how after a few hours you realized that you hadn’t thought about me in a little while. 

I tried to fix it. It’s what I always do. Perhaps if I could get us both in the same place, it would happen again, the spark that we had lost. I asked you to move in with me, and you agreed. We were happy again, not simply because of the fact, but because it was a great reminder for both of us, that the future was together, it had always been together. 

But alas, life isn’t kind enough. We had agreed to find a new place, somewhere we could turn ‘ours’ without getting rid of the ‘mine’. It was taking time, of course, since we wanted it to be perfect. And little did we know that time was the only thing in this world we didn’t have. 

The news of Hotch’s departure hurt us all in a way we never truly recovered from, but for you, for the never-ending-loving you, it left a wound I couldn’t close. I saw the always dreaded glint of loneliness in your eye, the same one I carried when Gideon left. I saw the breaking of a soul that had lost a mentor, a protector, you lost the ground you walked onto and never learned how to fly. 

We didn’t make it. I don’t think it was your fault, or mine, for that matter, life just happened so fast, so merciless. I loved you, that never stopped, and you loved me, I know that much. All I could do was hold on to the hope that I had made the right decision, the decision to push you away, to save you from the torture that our life would be. I would do anything for my mother, even if that meant standing back on my own, without you. 

I’m sorry, my love, that it took me so long to understand. That the strength you were lending me was not for me to judge, but to carry, to use as a tool to build what we dreamed of . I didn’t learn about it until JJ visited one day, when I was mourning the love that we had, that she told me what happened the day she showed up at your apartment, knees on the ground, to beg you to continue loving me. 

“It wasn’t my decision, Jennifer.” you said, barely allowing yourself to glance at her. 

“He’s just doing this because he thinks he’s protecting you, you know that.” she tried to argue on my behalf. 

“JJ, you are his best friend, if you’re asking me to convince him to change his mind, you know it would be easier to get Garcia to play soccer.” you were right, by the way. JJ was about to give up. 

“He needs you.” she kept trying. 

“No, he doesn’t.” you answered “He needs someone to be there for him, at his constant back and call, to dedicate their very being to his happiness, to pour out the entirety of themselves onto him, and I can’t be that person. I can’t.” 

“But why not!?” to her, it also didn’t make much sense. You always were, what was different this time? 

“Because I’m not whole.” you finally admitted. 

She had to hear you cry for hours at how lost you felt. I didn’t understand I’d become a part of you, and by taking me away, I was ripping a portion of who you were. With Hotch gone, there was no way you could fix yourself, not fast enough, at least. I’m sorry, sweetheart, I didn’t know. 

You stayed for the man that more than once had your back. You stayed to catch Mr. Scratch. I was no longer the hope you held on to, I was no longer the one you chased after, Aaron was your last hope, your last piece to make sense of whatever you felt like was happening around you. The person who would return to you the will to love something that wasn’t me. 

But he wasn’t there, and you were lost. 

Entry 9: Together we fall apart. 

I can’t blame you for leaving, you had no reason to stay, the job had long ago stopped making sense, it was the people that you loved what made you stick around, and now we were gone, in more than one sense. And believe when I say I missed you, with every pore of my heart, even if I couldn’t bring myself to reach out to at least know how you were doing. 

I did wonder, though, if having you around would have made a difference. If you could have seen something all of us missed, if you had protected me better, if you could had helped me when I didn’t know how to help myself. 

Cat Adams would ruin me in more than one way, sure, but regarding us, I’m sure now I’m the only one to blame. A series of unfortunate events by Spencer Reid.

“We told her you were in prison.” Emily said as she sat across the booth, with a crystal screen separating the both of us. There was no need to say your name. They all knew you were all I ever thought about. “She’s asking to be put on the list.” 

“Emily!” I yelled out of reflex .

“I’m sorry, Spence, but she’s really worried, and maybe she could help.” 

“My answer is no.” I watched her sigh as I said those words. 

“Can I at least tell her you’re thinking about it?” she still tried to convince me, for your sake. “And, will you think about it?” I nodded. 

I promise I thought it through, hard and well. It’s not that I didn’t want to see you, I didn’t want you to see me. I knew, I knew you would try to fix it, and I couldn’t do that to you, not again. Regardless, you still tried. You made sure my mother was safe and well, you made her company, it wasn’t your fault, I don’t hold it against you, they outsmarted us all. And I’m sorry, again, that after I was freed I still couldn’t bring myself to face you. 

Many things happened in the following years. I wish I could have seen you one more time just to tell you all about it. A coffee by my apartment window, a nap on that comfy living room couch, a laugh by the bullpen. The things I’d have done to have one more moment with you. 

The second time I died, it was way less scary. Guess I had some practice. If I told you who I saw, you wouldn’t have believed me, but it was the message that counted. I wasn’t ready to go, and I wasn’t ready to leave you. If I were to stay, I was going to fight to at least see you one more time, to hear your laugh once again.

My mom did tell me that I should be careful what I wish for, and when I woke up in that hospital room, after a horrible stroke nonetheless, I understood why. 

“Please don’t be mad at me.” Penelope remained for a second by my bed after my mom had left to get some water. 

My eyebrows furrowed the slightest, I couldn’t move that much. “What did you do?” 

“I didn’t know if you were going to make it, and I didn’t think much before I hit the call.” she continued to explain. 

Again, I could only tilt my head in confusion, something about having brain failure had made me the tiniest bit slower. The fog cleared very quickly, though, once I saw you walk through the door. You were as beautiful as the day I met you, only now I could see, and I would never cease to see. You walked to the bed and your hand reached out for mine, like it was supposed to be. 

“Hey, you.” you said softly. 

“Hey,” I muttered. If I had been able to breathe better, believe me I would have yelled out like an excited 5 year old “what are you doing here?” 

“I recently realized I’ve grown into the habit of showing up after you almost died.” you joked, and it was like time hadn’t passed at all “which, if you ask me, it’s a weird habit to have.” it was my turn to laugh, you always caused that in me. 

Penelope had stepped out, she knew we needed the space, as for our souls could only be bare if it was just the two of us. You came closer, and our eyes met, and time actually stopped, and everything was okay. 

“I will always love you.” I’m sorry I said it like that, I know it’s not what you expected. 

“Spencer…” you began to talk. 

“No, just,” I cut you off “I know I can get it right this time.” the way that you looked at me I will never forget, a look you had never given me, that you respected me too much to give me, the look of pity. 

“I’m not a second chances program” you started “I couldn’t just wait around until you were ready to notice that I was still there, that you allowed me back in.” 

Your tears threatened to fall. I could see them, that’s not what I wanted, that’s never what I wanted. I reached for your face, and you leaned against my hand. Old habits die hard, don’t they? I should know, since I had fallen into the habit of wanting you, of loving you. This and every other life. I couldn’t hold them any longer, the sobs, the tears, the pain, the pain only you could heal, only you could let me show. I love you because of your strength, since it allowed me to be weak without remorse. 

You did the same for me, your gentle fingers caressing my cheek, pushing away the salty droplets. “It’s okay, Spencer, it’s okay.” you whispered “we have to let us go.” 

“And if we’re lucky enough?” I asked. 

“If we’re lucky enough,” your face smiled, but the strain in your voice showed me the misery in your words, along with their genuinity “in another universe, you would have been with Maeve and I would have never loved you. And we could finally be happy.” 

You couldn’t have been more wrong to think, even for a second, that my destiny was any other than you. I didn’t have the words to prove it, I could form a sentence to save my life, save the love of my life. I tried to kiss you. I wish you had done it, you would have understood. 

“My boyfriend is waiting outside.” you muttered before my lips could meet home, and like that, you were gone. 

Entry 10: I think I’ll be alright. 

I never saw you again, but it’s okay. Years to come I would question every decision I had made, did they lead me to you, or just pushed you away? There was no way of telling. Regrets are a broken sword, dull enough to be harmless, and sharp enough to hurt. Would you have done something differently? I doubt so. 

I’m thankful, nonetheless, to have been given the opportunity to concur. To have been loved by you. I did wish for a different ending, but who am I to be selfish? I had it all, even if I lost it. Until years later I would hear about your marriage; you eloped, as we always thought we would do, planning a wedding was too much of a hassle. Did you end up having kids? If you did, lucky them, if something they were to never lack, it would be love. I hope he is treating you well, that you are happy, like you always deserved. 

Me? I finally had to learn. The grief finally went away, you see, someone once told me that love comes in moments, and later in life I found myself clinging to that thought. If love comes in moments, my darling, after everything we've been through, yours will last me a million years. 

Even if I got just a fraction of it.” 

The silence was covered by the rustling of book pages as the woman finished speaking. Yet her crowd of one didn’t seem to show much reaction, which was a source of concern. 

"Spencer, would you like me to read it again?" Penelope asked as she swayed back and forth on the rocking chair the staff had given to her. 

"Sorry?" he asked, seemingly lost in thought.

"Ma'am." a gentle nurse interrupted them "visitation time is over, Dr. Reid has to rest."

"Of course." the once blonde woman, whose hair now shone silver, said as she handed the diary back to his owner "Here, take this."

"Is this mine?" a still confused Spencer continued to question.

"Yes, it's your favorite book." she reiterated.

"Really?" his fingers fidgeted with the cover "What is it about?"

Penelope couldn't help the way her eyes filled with water, like they did every week whenever she had to leave the friend she'd visit in that mental facility without fail.

"The greatest love story ever told."

[bcolfanfic]

If you're still accepting young vets au requests - would you be up for exploring more of how they fell in love when they were in the service? Did Buck have a Marge at home? Were they both 'out'? etc etc

Thanks!

standard disclaimer that i am not an expert on the us air force or the afghanistan war- ive done a little research so i have a basic grasp on things but not much. i know because my brother was in iraq that he wasn't just gone for years at a time like the 100th was in wwii which makes this is a littttleee more complicated. but here goes.

in my mind, they enlisted at around the same time and met in basic.

and then after basic they both got sent to the same tech school in texas. this is where bucky did his EOD training stuff. in my head gale's "outside of flying thing" was security forces.

they became fast friends in basic, and then only got closer when they got to texas. maybe gale was originally going to get sent to a different base for tech school, and poor bucky was quite bummed about that!

but then things got moved around and how happy he was that gale *would* be going with to texas made him a little hmmm. maybe this is something i should unpack! not now though!

samesies for gale. he's excited that he gets to go to texas with his buddy. if there's something nagging at the back of his mind about why exactly he's so excited, he ignores it.

according to the internet the dorms are 3 ppl per, so maybe that's where they meet curt and become buddies with him.

gale and bucky start getting closer and well, curt is gay too. he has the spidey senses.

but poor gale and bucky are uh not as in touch with their sexuality and about jump out of their skin when curt ribs them a little saying if they ever want some SpAcE they can tell him to scram.

i don't think it really goes much farther, conversation wise or otherwise, till they're overseas.

esp bc bucky has to finish his EOD training in florida so he does have to, much to his chagrin, leave gale for a bit. they stay in touch, which is much easier with today's technology, but in my head this is when gale and curt get quite close.

gale does have a girl at home, but he breaks up with her in the ten day leave between tech school and leaving the country.

he tells her it's because things are really volatile and she's a good girl who he doesn't want to force to wait around for him.

which isn't a lie per say. but if he leaves out that the more late night talks with curt he has the more he thinks he might be gay well. that's his own secret.

the buckys meet again at their first deployment. in my head its not straight to afghanistan (though maybe for curt it is) and they're in africa first.

very sweet reunion- they missed each other. and now looking at his face on the other side of all those late night talks with curt, gale is *really* like oh. oh.

one night not long after they get to africa they're talking and gale tells him he broke up with his girl. bucky is a little surprised and when he prods gale gets a nervous and just blurts out that he thinks he might be gay.

bucky, though he's a little scared by labels, has been involved with people uh ~across genders~, so he tries to make him feel less nerved out about it. tells him its nothing to be ashamed of etc etc. and then question of the hour, can i ask what the 1+1=2 here was y'know?

sweet gale just looks at him all wide eyed. and bucky knows, knew before he asked him the question.

*fade to black*

[sgtmickeyslaughter]

Answer the Questions and Tag 5 Fanfic Authors

Thanks for tagging @jrooc

1. How did you get into writing fanfiction?

I’ve always been an avid reader and as a kid I wanted to be a writer so that was the start. I’ve been reading fanfic since i was in highschool, and I’ve had many different barely started fanfics started over the years but last year was the first time I was able to actually finish anything/taken it seriously. I think it just came down to college teaching me the last bit of discipline in my creative practice

2. How many fandoms have you written in?

Just Gallavich, but I’m very confident I will write destiel in my lifetime

3. How many years have you been writing fanfiction?

I published my first fic in September of last year!

4. Do you read or write more fanfiction?

it goes back and forth, when i enter a fandom i read fanfic voraciously but now i think i write a little more, its a balance between you can write the fanfic you want to read and you can read other peoples work to experience ideas you would never think of or just a different take on a familiar topic - both are good. I’m currently slowly going through and re-reading my old fics to get them ready to print and bind and its been a super fun process

5. What is one way you’ve improved as a writer?

I hope i’ve improved a lot overall lol the main thing i always want to do well is portray the environment the way i envision it bc the worlds of my fanfics are rich and beautiful in my head so i just want to get better and better at pulling people into that

6. What’s the weirdest topic you researched for a writing project?

Not a ton of weird research, a lot of google maps-ing to get a better understanding of the layout of Chicago and understanding how far away states/cities are from one another (i’m american, just a weird bicoastal one)

7. What’s your favorite type of comment to receive on your work?

literally any comment, all of them are amazing and i can’t believe people read what i write and actually like it ?!? beautiful and very novel

8. What’s the most fringe trope/topic you write about?

um - i guess ABO, i was originally going to publish mine all mine anonymously bc it was very cringe inducing and still kind of is but tbh when i read it back i was like- wait this is good, even if it’s weird.

psychopomp is also a weird story, the way i thought/felt about it while writing was deeply weird and all the the themes of death and decay and devotion and consummation as an allegory for love were intended to be dark and just- weird

9. What is the hardest type of story for you to write?

Emotionally introspective fics that also really study the characters are really hard and i dont know why I keep fucking writing them - after finishing the fic im writing now i have to shift to something more plot focused

its really hard for obvious reasons but i also feel like i am an extremely logic driven person with a very particular worldview and all these characters are more emotionally driven than me. so i have to work very hard to not write behaviors from my pov and my decision making but from a studied understanding of the characters - which might be a good thing idk

um also idk if it needs to be said but brevity is not my strong suit, i should probably work on that

10. What is the easiest type?

Fluff, just cuddling and pillow talk baby i love that shit, also idk if i write smut well but it def goes the quickest for me

11. Where do you do your writing? What platform? When?

Pages app on my icloud - I write after work some days, on my lunch break and on the train ride home. Every so often ill wake up early on a weekend and be in the mood to put on my noise canceling headphones and write for hours, but thats not super often

12. What is something you’ve been too nervous/intimidated to write, but would love to write one day?

uhh - we’ll see. my true crime au is def one i want to write but all my ideas for the plot are just too dark rn, so well see if i can get it to lighten up a bit

13. What made you choose your username?

tagging 5 writers: @callivich @mmmichyyy @iansw0rld @energievie @metalheadmickey

[bouncybongfairy]

Miscomuniaction Part 2

Izuku Midoriya x Fem Reader

Summary: After being unexpectedly confronted by Izuku for dream walking, you deny doing so out of fear and a bit of embarrassment. That night, the class hung out to bond and get to know one another a bit better. Later, when you get a private moment with Izuku in your dorm, you confess to your feelings and invasion of privacy. The following day, you go out for breakfast and go to the gym with Izuku. You then get a confronting text from Mina about whether you and Deku are a thing.

Word Count: 2k+

<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3

Part 3 is now posted!!

(I didn't expect part 1 to do as well as it did! Made me a bit nervous while writing part 2 but I hope everyone likes it!)

@aymasakusa

@tetsu-sweirdstuff

@lets-all-hope-for-the-best

<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3

You were taken back, your heart felt like it was going to pound out of your chest. Not only were you nervous because you did exactly what he accused you of but also because you looked like a hot mess. Not in the way Izuku looked though, he looked messy but in a very hot way minus the mess. Part of you was worried that he would be genuinely mad at the invasion of privacy but he was well within his right if so. You could not stop eyeing him up and down but did make eye contact. 

“No, um I’ve been studying all night. Never even went to sleep,” you said pointing at your desk that was covered in assignments and textbooks. 

“Oh uh- sorry I just had a really vivid. I guess I assumed because your quirk was- you know what, never mind sorry to wake you. 

“I was already awake, remember?” you laugh nervously. 

“Right well I have to go,” he said walking back to his dorm. 

You felt bad for gaslighting him like that, but there was no way you were admitting to dreamwalking. When you got comfortable in bed, you passed out until around 6 p.m. You felt like a bear coming out of hibernation, stretching with a dazed look on your face. After a couple more minutes of rotting in bed, you get up and make yourself look presentable before entering the kitchen. All your peers were either in the common room or surrounding the kitchen island. 

“Y|N! I was just about to wake you up, everyone decided we were going to have a game night. Sato is gonna bake some sweets while we decide what to play,” Mena said, locking arms with Momo. 

“That sounds so fun, are we starting now?” you asked. 

“No, I have to go to the store and pick up a couple of ingredients,” Sato replied. 

After most of the boys left for the store, the girls ended up in Momo’s room, all sitting on her enormous bed. Most of you had a make-up bag in front of you, occasionally rummaging through the contents to find that one specific brush. The topic of conversation started out with being irritated about how much they limited make-up use during school hours. Then it turned into how much potential was in the air tonight. Feeling a bit of pressure to look good in front of the boys. 

“Isn’t that a little sad, even sexist to make tonight about wanting to be eye candy for the boys? Do you really want to put that much work into yourself for a guy like Kaminari?” Jirou asked. 

“Well for me, the weekend is the only time I can do my make-up full out. Like contacts and everything, so I do it for myself. Not to mention if I was dolling myself up for a boy it wouldn’t be for Pikachu,” you said, making a couple of other girls laugh and agree. 

“Fair enough, just not my scene I guess,” She replied. The conversation then turned to class crushes, you were thankful you had a foundation. If not, you would have been bright red. 

Mina ended up confessing that she and Kirishima shared a kiss in his dorm room while they were studying together. You were pretty shocked by this, I guess you assumed everyone was as preoccupied with school and training as you were. Nobody had anything to top that, other than Mineta’s invitations to study. It was like a domino effect, everyone was spilling their guts about their hidden feelings about certain peers. Most girls like either Todoroki or Bakugo which was to be expected, they were only getting better. When asked if you had a crush you explained that you were trying to focus on school which wasn’t entirely a lie. All the girls then dispersed to get changed into comfy pajamas, including yourself. You changed into a matching set of pjs, a simple black cotton tank top, and matching shorts. It had these cute baby blue-toned elephants printed onto them. You were pretty nervous about hanging out with Izuku after everything that happened. You felt like you were playing with his emotions, were you really about to flirt with him after gaslighting him this morning? Now that you were thinking about this morning, you couldn’t stop admiring how he looked. Like he literally rolled out of his bed and walked over to your door. Normally he was quite reserved with his appearance, he wasn’t the type of guy to tailor his style to show off his physic. I don’t know, you just felt like you saw him so raw and it gave you that weird feeling in your stomach. After throwing on some socks you made your way out into the common area. When everyone was starting to gather, Sato was pulling some type of baked goods out of the oven. You thought about sitting directly next to Izuku but you decided sitting directly across from him would be better. That way you would see his facial expressions or body language. God, you felt like such a weirdo. 

Instead of playing a boring game, everyone sat around and talked. At first, many boys gave awkward compliments to the girls on their done-up appearances. Todoroki even asked if you were wearing contacts, and when you said yes he complimented how they looked. You and Izuku made direct eye contact right after which made you feel worse. Even if you weren’t crushing on Izuku, you wouldn’t like Todoroki. You just couldn’t with his monotone voice and dead stare. After that Sato starts talking about how if he weren’t in the hero course, he would love to own a bakery. 

“I would do off-the-wall stuff, like trying to combine different combinations of pastries,” he said. 

“Maybe once you go pro you can get an endorsement for a pastry company,” Sue said. 

“If I weren’t doing this I would probably be a therapist. My quirk is dream walking so I could help people process some of their trauma by seeing exactly what they think about,” you said while taking a sip of your water bottle. 

“Wow that’s so pure, I would just want to be a musician,” Jirou said. 

The conversation then turned to each other's love interests, it was bound to happen sooner or later. The topic came into conversation when the girls were talking about different musicians they liked. Even the fictional ones like 4-Town from Turning Red which made all of you laugh. When the boys started roasting the girls about their types of men, you guys started asking what they liked about girls. They were saying stereotypical things, like natural makeup, long hair, comfy clothing, and things like that. Jirou pointed out that the only things they listed were physical, she then asked what they actually liked about girls. 

“I’m a pretty clingy guy so I like a girl that wants to be with me a lot. Like if she goes to the gym and works out with me and stuff,” Kirishima said. 

“Girls who have a really good sense of humor but not in a dark humor kinda way. Just girls who know how to be playful,” Sero said. 

“I like girls who can communicate their feelings. It can be fun at first when you’re trying to dig through her emotions at first. It’s just nice when a girl knows when to be vulnerable with her thoughts. It sucks when you can’t see an opportunity due to a miscommunication,” as Izuku said, looking directly at you. 

“Alright Deku didn’t know you were a women expert,” Kaminari said which made everyone burst into laughter. You were grateful for this because it took the attention off both of you. 

Everyone then started to eat the treats that Sato made, which were incredible. He was blushing as your peers were showering him with compliments. You noticed that Izuku was walking back to his dorm, you threw away a cupcake wrapper and followed him. You caught up to him as he was opening his door. You tapped him on the shoulder, When you turned around he looked tired, his eyes were kind of puffy. 

“Can we talk? Do you wanna come to my dorm?” you asked, his face turned a deep red as he shook his yes. You used the elevator to get to your dorm, using your key to let yourself in. You walked in before him and picked a couple of loose clothes that were on the bed, clearing a space for you guys to sit. 

“I’m sorry that I wasn’t honest with you this morning. I did look into your dreams last night and I know I shouldn’t have and it was wrong. Trust me I’ve been feeling really guilty. I was just scared it would be awkward if I told you that I like you if you didn’t feel the same way. I know that’s not an excuse. I should have been more upfront,” you said, playing with your fingernail while keeping eye contact, to keep your apology sincere. 

“It was such a vivid dream, I kinda figured you were probably lying, but I’m glad you’re telling me now. I think it’s pretty obvious that I like you,” he said. 

“I don’t know, I kinda thought you had a thing for Uraraka. Everyone I talk to seems to think you guys both like each other,” you said. 

“She’s a really smart and pretty girl but she just lacks a certain maturity. I see her more as a friend,” he said. 

“Well, I’m thrilled that I came clean about it. I just want you to know that I am really sorry and I totally respect your privacy,” you said, setting your hand on top of his. 

“Don’t sweat it, and speaking of dreams I’m glad I finally know what it looks like in here,” he said looking around. 

Your walls were covered in posters, you didn’t use the overhead light. Instead, you had two yellow-toned lamps; one on your desk and the other in one corner of the room. You always kept your swamp cooler at 69, you couldn’t sleep if you got too hot. Your bed was covered in plushies, Izuku even complimented you on your All Might plush. 

“Can I take you out tomorrow? We can grab breakfast and then go to the gym after if that sounds good to you,” he offered. 

“Yeah, what time should I be ready?” you asked. 

“Is 8 am okay?” he asked. 

“Yeah I can’t wait,” you said, as you walked him out, you gave him a kiss on the cheek before he left. 

As you were washing the makeup off your face, you had an overwhelming sense of relief now that you had come clean. Not to mention you now knew for sure that he liked you and you were going on a date tomorrow morning. It was times like this that you were grateful for doing all your homework at the beginning of the weekend. After Izuku left, you got ready for bed and fell asleep. Your alarm clock is what wakes you up in the morning. It was 7:15 a.m., giving you 45 minutes to get ready. You didn’t need much time because it wasn’t like you were gonna wear makeup to the gym. After changing into some workout clothes, you go on your phone to pass the time. Hearing the knock on the door made your heart pound so hard, that your head began to hurt for just a second. When you were walking down the hall, you couldn’t help but admire his appearance. He looked sleepy in his eyes and his hair was wild. His tee shirt was tight and really showcased the muscle mass in his arms and back. You stopped at a little food stand and bought a couple of things, both of you knew working out on an empty stomach can suck. You stop at a little coffee shop and sit at a booth together while you eat. Making small talk back and forth about different moves they are trying to master and what type of workouts they prefer.

“I’ve been working on my legs a lot lately so I wanted to focus on my arms and core today,” Izuku said.

“I’ve been doing a lot of cardio, Aizawa has been having me do nothing but strength training while I’m in class. So I try not to push myself too hard when I go to the gym,” you said taking a bite of your breakfast sandwich. 

“Yeah that makes sense, have you noticed your training helping in your combat,” he asked, taking a sip of his (practically all creamer) coffee.

“Oh yeah, my endurance is so much better. I feel a lot stronger with my attacks and can fight for longer periods without getting winded,” you said.  

“I noticed that you’ve been getting really good at that one drop kick you do,” he said, laughing a little. 

“You’ve been watching me?” you joke playfully. 

“Maybe a little,” he said, which made your stomach flip.

The walk to the gym was quiet; In fact, you didn’t really talk most of the time you were together. Izuku wanted to focus on weights whereas you wanted to use the treadmill for cardio. At first, you thought it would be weird to go to the gym together as a date and then be separated the entire time. However, you realized how attractive he looked while lifting weights after a while. He normally had a charming look on his face but when he was working out he looked so concentrated and almost angry. His face was bright red and his chest was rising and falling so rapidly. He was sweating  As you were taking a break for water you noticed you had a message from Mina that read: 

did you and Deku hook up last night? Uraraka just asked me idk what to tell her