Killer: I've been dropping him the most obvious hints for years now. No response.
Kid: Wow. He sounds stupid.
Killer: He's not, though. He's actually kinda smart. Just, dense.
Kid: Then you just gotta be even more obvious! Like, go up to the guy and say "Hey! I love you!"
Killer: Okay, you're right. Hey Kid, I love you.
Kid: Yeah, see! Just say that!
Killer: Holy fucking shit.
Kid: If that flies over his head, then he's no good, Killer, he's too dumb for you.
Killer: Kid.
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Tag nine people (you'd like to get to know better)
I was tagged by @plothooksinc! Thanks!
Three ships: Korrasami is still a big one, I even had a tag (queuerasami) for all the fanart I used to queue up to reblog. NanoFate is another, the Nanoha series still has a big place in my heart. Let's also go with Gruulfriends (Chandra and Nissa from Magic: The Gathering).
First ever ship: Um, gosh, maybe Alanna and George in Tamora Pierce's Song of the Lioness books? I always preferred George over Jon and Liam.
Last song: One-Winged Angel - Rebirth from the FFVII Remake OST
Last movie: Monsters Inc. I had it on in the background the other night - hadn't seen it in years, still a lot of fun.
Currently reading: My Daughter Left the Nest and Returned an S-Rank Adventurer Vol. 5
Currently watching: The Worst Days, an indie horror TTRPG live stream at twitch.tv/allportsopen
Currently consuming: An apple! A royal gala, specifically.
Currently craving: Sleep. I'm so very badly in need of more sleep.
I'll tag @shinyv, @cluelessnu, @fourwing, @arcanusamantes, @kuraselle, @ylnrsky, @mirmontilyet, @beanscribs, @kalyri if you'd like to do this too!
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Five People I’d Like to Get to Know Better!
Thanks, @star-spangled-cap!
Last Song: Ludwig, the Holy Blade - Bloodborne OST
Favorite Color: Currently, a heathery purple or a dark teal.
Watching: Nothing. Youtube playthroughs of video games, or other yt videos (shoutout to DougDoug's channel), when I do. I don't actually remember the last show I watched. But the last movie was Dungeons and Dragons: Honor Among Thieves (an excellent time, as always).
Spicy/Savory/Sweet: Sweet.
Relationship Status: Single, seemingly without end.
Current Obsession: I'm back on my Ghostbusters bullshit. But also, Persona.
Tagging: @lirulin, @bearfeathers, @azemessence, @komikbookgeek, @brodinsons
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Today my therapist introduced me to a concept surrounding disability that she called "hLep".
Which is when you - in this case, you are a disabled person - ask someone for help ("I can't drink almond milk so can you get me some whole milk?", or "Please call Donna and ask her to pick up the car for me."), and they say yes, and then they do something that is not what you asked for but is what they think you should have asked for ("I know you said you wanted whole, but I got you skim milk because it's better for you!", "I didn't want to ruin Donna's day by asking her that, so I spent your money on an expensive towing service!") And then if you get annoyed at them for ignoring what you actually asked for - and often it has already happened repeatedly - they get angry because they "were just helping you! You should be grateful!!"
And my therapist pointed out that this is not "help", it's "hLep".
Sure, it looks like help; it kind of sounds like help too; and if it was adjusted just a little bit, it could be help. But it's not help. It's hLep.
At its best, it is patronizing and makes a person feel unvalued and un-listened-to. Always, it reinforces the false idea that disabled people can't be trusted with our own care. And at its worst, it results in disabled people losing our freedom and control over our lives, and also being unable to actually access what we need to survive.
So please, when a disabled person asks you for help on something, don't be a hLeper, be a helper! In other words: they know better than you what they need, and the best way you can honor the trust they've put in you is to believe that!
Also, I want to be very clear that the "getting angry at a disabled person's attempts to point out harmful behavior" part of this makes the whole thing WAY worse. Like it'd be one thing if my roommate bought me some passive-aggressive skim milk, but then they heard what I had to say, and they apologized and did better in the future - our relationship could bounce back from that. But it is very much another thing to have a crying shouting match with someone who is furious at you for saying something they did was ableist. Like, Christ, Jessica, remind me to never ask for your support ever again! You make me feel like if I asked you to call 911, you'd order a pizza because you know I'll feel better once I eat something!!
Edit: crediting my therapist by name with her permission - this term was coined by Nahime Aguirre Mtanous!
Edit again: I made an optional follow-up to this post after seeing the responses. Might help somebody. CW for me frankly talking about how dangerous hLep really is.
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I'm not doing NaNoWriMo but I wrote 4k words at the middle of the night last night so uh happy writing instead of sleeping month to those who celebrate
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