#he has almost no ability to be vulnerable and is overall very cutting in the way he speaks

[lord-squiggletits]

With all due respect IDW Megatron is the kind of dad that would go out to get cigarettes and then never see his kids again considering that's what he did to all of the Decepticons leaving on the Lost Light + he groomed Tarn into worshipping him as a mentor/authority figure and then basically stopped caring about him.

[foilfreak]

4 Lords Raise Rose AU Ideas

Not a single person asked for this, but that other post where I talk about the 4 lords adopting Rose but still technically being terrible people got way more popular than I expected it to, so, with about 6 shots of tequila in my system and a terrible urge to spit my thoughts out for all the internet to see and judge, I’ve decided to make a follow up post. Here’s how I think the 4 lords would take care of Rose in the event they rebelled against Mother Miranda and decided to raise Rose as their own instead, but like under the cut after a little bit cuz i accidentally went way too fucking hard with this and I don’t want ppl to get mad at me for making them scroll for an hour to get past this post:

First and foremost, I think they’d do it in stages, and what I mean by this is that Rose would essentially be given to a specific Lord for some period of her life, like a couple years, and then when she was deemed old or strong or annoying enough, she’d be moved to a different lord for some period of time and so on and so forth. They would do this because a) they all live in different areas and have shit to do so it’s easier to have Rose live with one lord at a time and then the other lords can just go visit her there from time to time, rather than try to work out a weekly custody schedule which we all know Alcina and Karl would NEVER be able to agree on so let’s not even bother, and b) because each lord would have either some skill or set of knowledge that would make them the best for caring for Rose at that specific point in her life. This way, all the lords have a (somewhat) equal chance to be a part of Rose’s life and teach her something while she’s with them. So with all that in mind now, let’s get down to who would have Rose and at what point in her life.

1. Starting off with infant Rose, I think she’d end up with the Dimitrescu’s for the first few years of her life, and the reason why I think this is because... well, Alcina IS already a mother to 3 girls, and while we don’t know a terrible amount about Bela, Cassandra, and Daniela’s “upbringing” under Alcina, we can gleam and theorize from her notes that, despite their fully grown bodies, the girls could very well have started out with the mental and physical capabilities of infants, and thus needed to be cared for and brought up in a similar manner as infants or children until they reached a certain point where they could officially be considered adults in mentality and ability, not just in physical appearance. So with this in mind, it’s entirely possible that Alcina could have at least some vague idea of how to care for an infant child through her experiences with the bug sisters; perhaps there’s some gaps in her knowledge, but if nothing else I imagine Alcina would be an infant Rose’s best shot at surviving infancy if only because the other 3 are so incompetent on how to care for a baby that Alcina looks like an expert in comparison. Not to mention that, of the possible locations for an infant to be raised, I do genuinely think that castle Dimitrescu would be the safest place for Rose to be kept during this vulnerable part of her life. Not only that but if Alcina has actually come to care for Rose as though she were one of her own daughters, then she would absolutely spoil Rose rotten with all the nicest clothes and fanciest toys, things that a small infant wouldnt be able to appreciate but would show that she’s loved and cared for nonetheless, and don’t even get me started on the bug sisters, I could see them fawning over Rose for hours on end, playing with her, singing to her, telling her stories of all the man-things they’ve gotten to play with today, and so much more. Overall, Rose would just be the most spoiled and pampered little baby with the Dimitrescus and there’s no changing my mind about this. The only thing I’m struggling to wrap my head around is how they’d feed her, since I doubt a small infant would take very well to blood wine and human flesh. I suppose it wouldn’t be terribly outrageous for them to hire a wet nurse/nanny to care for Rose during the day while the other Dimitrescus go about their daily duties, and when Rose is finally old enough to be introduced to solid food (I.e. fried human flesh cubes) they could do what they always do and turn the nurse into wine too, I guess. It’s not a solid idea but it’s more plausible than anything else I thought of so it’ll work!

2. After spending about 3 years with the Dimitrescus, Rose would then be moved to the Beneviento house. Now, If u don’t know anything about 3 year olds, then you’re probably ignorant to the fact that they are some of the craftiest, sneakiest, and most coniving groups of people to exist on this planet. 3 year olds are masters at getting into and touching just about anything and everything u don’t want them to touch, and worst of all, u won’t realize what they’re doing until they’ve already done it and left a huge mess behind, so while the Dimitrescus love and adore Rose dearly, they know it’s sadly time to hand her over when they find her sitting on top of a pile of dead bodies playing with a metal scythe in the dungeons. Once Rose is dropped off at the Beneviento house, I imagine Donna is her usual stoic self the first few weeks Rose is with her. She’s not cold or distant necessarily, in fact she’s quite happy that it’s finally her turn with precious baby Rose, but Donna isn’t exactly known for being outwardly expressive herself (and even Angie isn’t being quite as forward as she normally is), so things are quiet and peaceful for the first little while that Rose is under her care. It’s not until Rose takes an interest in her doll Angie, and more importantly the things that Donna can do with Angie, that things really start getting fun. By the end of Rose’s first month in the Beneviento house she and Donna are the best of friends and often spend their days either playing dress up and make pretend with Donna’s extensive doll collection, or playing elaborate games of cat and mouse, where Donna will set up lots of puzzles throughout the house for Rose to find and solve (I.e. rose has to match her dress to the doll with the same one as her to find a map telling her which kitchen cabinet Donna hid the chocolate in, or something like that), but be careful little Rose, Angie has been trying to get her hands on that chocolate all day, and if u take too long, she’ll find the map first and eat all the chocolate without saving you a single piece. Just silly little puzzles with enough at stake to engage the mind of a curious 3 year old, but never enough to put rose in any actual danger. Donna is nothing if not a watchful caretaker, so she makes sure she has sight of Rose at all times, occasionally giving her a hint if she’s struggling, and perhaps occasionally making things harder if that day’s puzzle is proving too easy for her. Overall, Rose’s time with Donna, while not as grand and luxurious as the Dimitrescus, was still a fun and enriching experience for the young girl, and there’s nobody in this world who thinks that Donna’s scar is cool more than Rose.

3. After another 3 years with Donna, Rose is now 6 years old and officially far too good at puzzle solving for Donna to keep up with. No matter what she tries or how hard she makes it, Rose just keeps blazing through the puzzles at an almost alarming rate, making it clear that Rose is desperately in need of not only a change in scenery, but also a change in education, and this is where Salvatore finally comes in. After leaving the Beneviento house, I think the next logical place for Rose to stay would be with Salvatore, who, with lore hinting at him perhaps being a scholarly man of some kind, would basically act as her elementary school teacher throughout the duration of her stay. Now, to be fair, Rose could have gone to Heisenburg’s factory, but Heisenberg outright refused to take her and the other 3 lords decide that the factory is simply too dangerous for Rose rn, who thus far hasn’t shown any signs of being anything other than a normal human girl with no noticeable abilities (save for a smart mouth and a terrifying habit of popping up when least expected, a habit she mostly uses to mess with Heisenberg, much to his disdain and Lady Dimitrescu’s delight), so it is to the mutant fish man’s unimaginable delight that he is unanimously voted Roses next caretaker, and the one responsible for her basic education. Despite his initial excitement however, when Rose is finally dropped off at the windmills by Donna, Salvatore realizes that he’s not 100% sure what to do with Rose now that he has her. He’d like to get started on her education right away but at the same time he’s so fearful of Rose hating him because of his disgusting appearance that he kind of just... avoids her entirely at first. He’s never far away from the little girl and is always ready to jump to her rescue should she need it, but other than that Salvatore seldom allows himself to be seen for the first month that Rose is with him, the only sign of him still being around being the platefuls of food that mysteriously appear in Rose’s room 3 times a day, as well as the occasional shiny trinket Salvatore found and thought Rose would like. At first, rose doesn’t seem to mind being left entirely to her own devices, but after every stone, log, and rotting fish corpse within 5 miles of the lake has been turned over and thoroughly examined, Rose decides she’s had quite enough of her Uncle Sal ignoring her, prompting the headstrong little girl to go looking for him herself. She finds Salvatore hiding underneath a patch of floating algae not far away from where she was playing and all but demands that the mutant man come out of the water and give her something to do or she’d tell Mother on him. Salvatore, shocked by the small child’s fearlessly blunt request, hesitates, not wanting to frighten Rose, but ultimately relents, crawling out of the water and timidly suggesting that he teach her how to read and write. Rose quickly agrees, seeming totally unbothered by Salvatore’s grotesque appearance, and the two quickly move to the schoolroom that had been set up specifically for Rose, where Salvatore spends hours upon hours a day teaching Rose everything he knows, filling the little girl’s head up first with the basics, letters and words, then numbers and simple equations, followed later by historical dates and time periods, algebraic formulas, and classic literature analysis, then biology, chemistry, physics, astrology, calculus, ecology, and so much more. Basically, anything there is to know, Salvatore knows at least something about it and he’ll make sure that Rose knows about it too. In the 3 years Rose spends with Salvatore she goes from already sharp as a whip, to being smarter than most adults even, and Salvatore takes immense pride in how intelligent and knowledgable Rose becomes thanks to his surprisingly effective teaching style. Overall, as a caretaker, Salvatore is pretty weird and doubts himself a lot, but Rose thinks he’s funny and loves learning from him so they get along very well and she loves him very dearly! He probs teaches her to swim and fish too.

4. So another 3 years come and go with incredible speed, and its with great sadness on Salvatore’s part that Heisenberg finally comes banging on the fish man’s door, all but demanding that he now be given his turn with Rose. Now, personally, I can see several different arguments being raised by the other 3 lords over why its a terrible idea to let a 9 year old anywhere near Heisenberg, much less be given into his care fully. After about 9 years of seeing his siblings paling around with the constantly growing child, and looking like theyre having the time of their lives all the while, however, Karl decides that perhaps there’s more to this little girl than he originally thought, and, with his interest now piqued (or at the very least looking forward to pissing the other 3 off for entertainment purposes), that its only fair that he be given a turn with her now too, seeing as how he’s the only one who hasn’t been given the chance to be her caretaker yet. This naturally does NOT go over well with the other 3 lords. Alcina all but threatens to kill Karl should he step so much as within 10 ft of Rose, while Donna pipes up and demands to know what his sudden interest in Rose is. Even Salvatore, who is quick to flinch away from direct conflict, goes as far as to harshly point out the plethora of times Karl had outright denied their previous attempts to get him to engage with Rose, so why on earth would they hand her over to him now when he’s previously shown to have absolutely no interest in her? After a long spout of yelling between the 4 siblings, an agreement is reached, wherein Rose herself will be given the chance to decide whether she wants to go with Heisenberg, or whether she’ll return to one of the other 3 lords for the time being. It is to Alcina, Donna, and Salvatore’s absolute horror however, that Rose enthusiastically agrees to go with her Uncle Karl to live in his factory, and with the deal already set, the other lords can do nothing to stop her from going. The trip to drop off Rose at heisenberg’s factory is a long and arduous one, especially for Salvatore, who sobs the whole way there about Rose forgetting about him despite the young girl’s insistence that she’d visit. The first thing Karl does after officially having Rose handed over to him, is give her an extensive list of all the places in the factory in which she is under no circumstances permitted to enter without his permission (which basically only leaves the control room and the old storage closet that acts as her bedroom as viable places for Rose to go and explore). The second thing Karl does is dump her in her new storage closet bedroom and then hightail it for his workshop to work on whatever sick and twisted amalgamation he’s got cooked up this time around. At first, Rose isn’t terribly bothered by this, since she’s used to having something of an “adjustment period” when she’s with a new caretaker, but unfortunately for her, this adjustment period lasts a hell of a lot longer than the others did, and by the time 3 months of almost no meaningful contact with Karl, Rose decides to take matters into her own hands and ascends into the depths of the factory despite the express orders not to do so. Now, going back to the idea that the 4 lords are still pretty terrible people, I doubt Rose has been kept ignorant to the less savory aspects of her caretaker’s lives, and tbh she probably doesn’t think anything of the fact that the Dimitrescus makes wine out of the blood of virgin women or that Salvatore still does cadou experiments (and had her help on occasion), but I imagine even Rose would find the projects Karl works on to be at least a little

4, cont. gruesome and horrifying in nature, especially since Heisenberg is the one she knows the least about. However, instead of turning Rose away from Heisenberg, these terrifying metal creatures she sees locked up only spark her already insatiable curiosity, and by the time she finally tracks Karl down, Rose is all but trembling to learn more about this horrifyingly fascinating metal world. Unfortunately, Karl is not nearly as happy to see Rose as Rose is to see him, and the engineer all but grabs Rose by the scruff of her neck and drags her back up to the control room, yelling and screaming at her all the while about how she was explicitly instructed not to enter these parts of the factory without his permission. Needless to say that Rose does not enjoy this treatment and immediately lashes out, half out of anger and half out of confusion as to why Karl was treating her like this. He was the one who wanted her here in the first place, so why the hell was he just ignoring her now? It didn’t make any sense and it was starting to piss Rose off, so naturally the only thing left for her to do in order to solve this complicated situation would be to continue to disobey Karl until he either gave up and sent her back to one of the other lords, or finally payed some damn attention to her for once. So that’s exactly what she did. Every single day Rose left her room (which Karl kept telling himself he needed to put a lock on, but never did cuz he’s an idiot) and descended down into the depths of the factory looking for something ogle at or tinker with, and every single day Karl would track her down wherever she’d managed to get to and throw her back upstairs threatening to feed her to the lycans if she did it again. This incredibly frustrating cycle continued on for the better part of the next month or so, finally coming to a head when Rose managed to wander into the part of the factory where the... less than successful experiments got put whenever Karl doesn’t have any further use for them but is feeling too lazy to kill them off himself. Long story short, Rose runs into a Sturm that chases her around the factory, causing all manner of mayhem and destruction, and would have torn her to ribbons had it not been for Karl, who jumped in at the last second and was able to fend the damn thing off long enough for Rose to get the ever living fuck out and back up to the control room where it’s safe. There’s a lot of loud noises and explosions coming from deep within the factory that last for what feels like an eternity, but Rose doesn’t dare venture out again until everything has gone eerily quiet and a deep sense of worry has settled in the pit of her stomach over what had become of her latest caretaker. Turns out the Sturm had recognized its creator and, after watching its initial prey escape because of said creator, quickly decided that it fucking hated Karl with every fiber of its being and wanted him dead if it was the last thing it’s propellers did. Now, we all know that Karl is a big strong boy who’s more than capable of handling his own creations and taking down strong enemies, but the Sturm is a creation that even he struggles to control on good days and today is decidedly not a good day so not only does Karl not have the slightest bit of control over the death machine trying to kill him, but its also a lot stronger than Karl initially thought and apparently not picky about the method which causes Karl’s death, which is evidenced by the nearly dead Sturm ramming itself into a power generator as a final act of defiance and nearly blowing up the whole factory and everybody inside. Heisenberg is able to contain the explosion somehow but not without considerable damage to himself first. Rose is, naturally, quite horrified to find Karl passed out in the elevator that had taken him up from the lower levels of the factory where the explosion was, skin burnt nearly to a crisp in certain areas and blood pooling from just about every part of him, and immediately heads over to try and help her injured caretaker.

4, cont. again cuz I physically can’t stop myself. Now, I imagine that any normal 9 year old probably wouldnt be able to handle this sort of situation in any meaningful way, but i think we can all agree that Rose is the furthest thing from normal (especially considering who raised her) and has probably seen enough blood and gore to not be terribly freaked out by it, but this is where things get a little speculative because we don’t know what Rose’s powers are exactly but we do know from the final cutscene that she does have them, perhaps even a plethora of abilities, and I like to think that some of those powers are related to Ethan’s superhuman healing capabilities, but unlike Ethan however, who from what we’ve seen could only heal himself, Rose can actually heal other people (tho this isn’t something she’s aware of at this point in time). The second the elevator door opens to reveal, what looks to be, a half-dead Karl slumped over in the corner, Rose panics and runs to him, doing everything she can think of save for maybe grabbing him by the collar or slapping him across the face, to try and get Karl to wake up, except nothing works, he wont wake up no matter how hard Rose tries and i imagine this must be incredibly distressing for Rose who never intended for something like this to happen or for her caretaker to die because he had to protect her even tho he told her not to go down there because its dangerous and anything down there WOULD kill her if given the opportunity. Anyways Rose is now full on sobbing on top of Karl like only a 9 year old who just discovered that her actions have consequences can, but unbeknownst to her (and technically Karl cuz he’s a little busy bleeding out all over the floor) Karl’s wounds are slowly beginning to close, the burns on his face and hands shift from a bright red to a dark brown before crusting over and flaking off, and even his breathing, which had been labored and inconsistent at first, began to level out slightly. Karl woke up not long after that and was surprised to find that a) he was still alive, which was cool, b) he was injured but not in indescribable pain, also cool, and c) there was a literal sobbing child all but sitting on top of him, which is definitely not something Karl was expecting but he supposed he’s been met with worse things upon waking up after almost dying so why question it. After taking a moment to gather their bearings, the two return to the safer parts of the factory to rest and recover and for the most part this little incident of their’s goes largely unspoken, with Rose not exactly in the mood to talk about how her disobedience nearly got herself and Karl killed, and Karl being too fucking tired to go after her about it, especially since she seems to have learned her lesson. The only downside to this whole thing is that now Karl has a busted up fuckin leg thats gonna take an eternity to heal even for him, and with so much work to still do he’s more or less forced to drag Rose around the factory and use her like the annoying assistant he never wanted (except he did want her, thats how this whole fucking mess started, you lug), except that Rose, who is more than used to playing lab assistant from her time with Salvatore, quickly proves to be a rather capable and handy person to have around, if only because she knows the difference between a philips and a flathead screwdriver even better than he does. An amicable, if still slightly awkward peace settles over Heisenberg’s factory once Karl starts actively engaging with Rose and giving her something to do on a daily basis, even if its just standing around watching him work and occasionally having her questions about what he’s doing answered. It doesn’t take very long after that for Karl to begin realizing that perhaps throwing a huge tantrum to get Rose to come here only to ditch her upstairs by herself for 3 months might not have been the smartest (or most considerate) thing he’s ever done, and even goes as far as to (kinda) apologize to Rose for being such a dick to her since she arrived.

4, last one i swear. Rose forgives him, though not before adding that she already knew he was an asshole from Alcina, which earns her a halfhearted swipe from Karl that Rose easily dodges with a childish giggle. From that point on their relationship improves astronomically as Karl finally gives in and teaches Rose about about engineering and everything else that goes into making the metal horrors that he’s known for. Karl is shocked at how quickly Rose picks up on the trade, getting to the point where Karl wonders if he should start giving Rose her own projects to work on, but quickly rolls his eyes and groans when he remember that Salvatore was the one responsible for her education up until this point, the mere thought of having to give compliments to that “moronic freak” for giving Rose such a good educational foundation makes him want to vomit despite how secretly impressed he is. Overall, Rose’s time with Heisenberg starts out shaky, very shaky even, but after a bit of disaster and some swallowing of the pride on Karl’s part, they end up growing quite close and have a nice fun Uncle and martass Neice dynamic. They make a good team and Karl does genuinely enjoy having a little assistant around to help him with his projects, even if Rose can sound a bit too much like Alcina on some days for his liking.

5. 3 more years come and go and now Rose is a strong and healthy 12 years old, perhaps riddled with a few more scars and smearings of ash and motor oil across her skin than when she first arrived but still strong and capable nonetheless. Going back to that first statement however, this of course means that it’s time for the other 3 lords to come banging on Karl’s door for a change, all but demanding that Rose be handed back over to them. Karl of course refuses, telling them all to fuck off and that Rose didn’t want a leave the factory, so upon realization that all 4 lords were gathered here with the intention of taking Rose back to live with them indefinitely, a fight immediately breaks out between the 4 siblings, as each one makes their case as to why Rose should be returned to them and not the other 3, which of course none of the 4 lords can come to an agreement about because they ALL want Rose to stay with them. So after another long and pointlessly arduous argument, Alcina finally breaks, proclaiming that they’d be here for all eternity of they didn’t make a decision now, and that, like the first time the 4 siblings argued over whether Rose should go with Heisenberg or return to one of the previous lords, Rose would be the one to decide which of her four caretakers she would return to. The agreement is made reluctantly, mostly on the part of Salvatore, Donna, and Heisenberg, but there was seemingly no other way for them to come to a decision, so it would unfortunately have to be up to Rose to decide which of her 4 caretakers she wants to stay with permanently. Rose is quickly brought before the 4 lords and explained the situation, before being given some time to herself to think and make her final decision. A tense and uneasy silence falls over the 4 lords as they wait for the little girl, who they had shown an uncharacteristic amount of mercy and time and devotion and love in the 12 years since Mother Miranda had brought her to the village with the intention of using her to revive an already lost and long-gone baby that she never would have gotten back no matter how hard she tried. Although they refused to admit it to one another, the lords all secretly knew that Rose had wormed her way into each of their cold, dead hearts, reviving an aspect of their humanity that they’d all thought had been lost ages ago. Rose came to the village bringing with her a wave of death and destruction, and yet throughout her childhood she has brought them nothing but light and life, illuminating their previously dark and desolate existences. The 4 lords loved their Rose very dearly and desperately wanted her to be happy, yet each of them possesses a dark and selfish desire to have Rose pick them over the other 3, to come and live with them forever and fill the hole deep inside them that they never knew needed filling. After a short while, Rose comes back out and stands before her 4 beloved caretakers, looking around nervously as she picks at her fingernails. The silence is thick and heavy as the 4 lords stare at the young girl, waiting with bated breaths for her to give her final verdict. Rose continues to say nothing as tears begin to flow from her eyes, sliding down her cheeks in thick streams as the girl begins to sob, dropping her head and clenching her dress. The 4 lords look between one another in confusion, unsure of what to do with this sudden burst of tears. Rose tearfully admits that she can’t and doesn’t want to choose which of the 4 lords she wants to live with permanently because she loves them all very much and wants to be able to see and live with all of them, like they’ve done thus far. Although the lords detest the idea of having to share Rose with anyone, they reluctantly come to an agreement for the girl’s sake, deciding that they would continue with the arrangement they’ve had thus far, only that Rose would switch between caretakers every 3 months instead of every 3 years, giving rose plenty of opportunities to see each of her caretakers just like she wanted. From then on, Rose continues to live her life

5, cont. growing up and learning more and more from each of her beloved caretakers. Although Rose would likely never know what a normal life looks like, living with 4 criminally insane monsters in the remote mountain village in Romania, it would be impossible to say that she wouldn’t have a happy life despite that. Perhaps its because the girl simply doesn’t know any better, so she doesn’t have the ability to see just how messed up her life and her 4 caretakers really are, but i imagine that Rose probably wouldn’t care very much to learn even if she had the opportunity. She’s a happy little girl living a strange but enjoyable life with the only family she’ll ever need. What more could she possibly ask for?

6. As for how Mother Miranda would play into this whole scenario I’ve just drunkenly spat out, im honestly not 100% sure. Ive seen some people suggesting that MM just kinda chills and lets the lords do what they want with Rose, but tbh I honestly don’t see that happening in this universe. MM would still have been just as crazy and driven to get Eva back as she was in canon, so i doubt she’d willingly standby and let her “false children” take away her one shot of getting her real child back simply because they didn’t want to hurt her, i just don’t personally see that happening. The two most likely scenarios i can come up with is that the Lords either banded together and look Miranda on together, their combined forces being enough to take her down and kill her, OR, Ethan is the one to take down MM like he did in canon but he passes out before he can get to rose, giving the lords (who he hadn’t ended up killing but just escaping from i guess) the opportunity to slide in, grab rose, and hightail it out of there, leaving Ethan’s body to be retrieved by Chris, who, due to not seeing or hearing Rose anywhere, believes that Rose must have been accidentally killed along with MM, which he later tells to Ethan and Mia. Regardless of how MM gets taken out of the picture (or if she’s given room to potentially come back later), the 4 lords retreat with Rose and begin the whole cycle I explained up above, but i did want to briefly address how I saw MM fitting into all of this since she is a vital part of the original story and the biggest obstacle to the lords having anything to do with Rose.

Anyways, that was so much longer than I intended it to be but I had so much fun with it just because it gave me the opportunity to spit some fun ideas and potential plot points out about this cool AU that I like and hope someone does SOMETHING with, please god someone do it, I’d do it myself but i have enough projects at the moment unfortunately. If you managed to make it all the way to the bottom, thank you for reading all of that, I appreciate it, and I hope you enjoyed at least some parts of this, and maybe even agree with some of the things I said. Feel free to leave your own ideas in the comments, I’d love to read them and hopefully if enough people like this maybe i will actually do something with it. Who knows? I certainly dont. Anyways thank you for reading all this, i hope you have a great day, and maybe ill see you around in another post. Bye!!! <3

[gohyuck]

the purge: society

pairing: firefighter!san x reader

genre: purge au, angst, some fluff

warnings: mentions of violence (especially violence against cops), murder, blood, injury, weapons (guns, knives, metal baseball bats)

word count: 2.4k

note: this was originally meant to be a drabble and it’s still pretty short so i didn’t get to elaborate on the characters but honestly maybe i’ll explore a purge universe with ateez someday because this was fun (i’ve never watched any of the movies though so i’ll have to get on that)

“What the fuck?” 

He hadn’t expected to see anyone left alive on this street.

“Shut up and get down,” You hiss, reaching your good arm up to grab onto the man’s jacket collar before unceremoniously pulling him towards you. He stumbles, falling gracelessly onto you. A scream bubbles up in your throat as he accidentally puts pressure onto your already free-bleeding bicep, but you get ahold of yourself just in time, only letting the quietest of wounded moans escape you. 

“You’re the first person that hasn’t tried to kill me before talking to me all night - oh, shit,” The stranger trails off, swearing when you effectively stop him from speaking further by placing your switchblade right under his skin. It’s only then that he even pauses to take you in: your back is up by the police car door, sure, and your left arm has a massive gash in it, but you’re armed. There’s a pistol laying idly in your lap, kept company by a metal baseball bat. 

Not to mention, the knife at his neck. 

“What the hell are you doing, walking around unarmed and with a first aid kit? Also, how the hell are you unarmed and with just a first aid kit? What the fuck?” You let the questions out in a rapidfire fashion, and he can’t help but clock the slight rasp in your voice. It’s easier to recognize than the pained wheeze you’re trying very, very hard to suppress, but neither escape him. He’s trained to notice the little things, anyways. 

“You need to bandage that shit up,” The man ignores your questions, moving his head just enough to miss your blade but also enough to be able to look you in the eyes. “How long has it been bleeding?”

“That’s none of your business,” You grit out. “Answer my questions or I’ll kill you right here and now.”

“If I answer yours, will you answer mine?” For some reason, he doesn’t seem to be panicking just yet. His gaze is sincere, but it’s too solid to be that of a bona fide idiot. You suck in a breath of air. Threatening him would be so much easier if he didn’t seem like a nice guy. It’s hard enough to live through the night, you don’t need guilt on your hands, and you know you’re going to feel guilty when you kill him. And you will kill him.

You need that first aid kit. You’ll do anything for it.

Anything, starting off with lying. 

“Sure,” You reply, steeling yourself for any sudden movements he might make now that you’re faking amicability. Maybe he’ll believe you to be vulnerable and try for your pistol or your bat, or maybe he’ll be properly cruel and finish off your arm. You don’t want to think about it. He lets out a sigh of relief, and you can’t help but wonder if you’ve actually affected him after all. “Now speak.”

“Not unarmed, there’s a police-issue pistol in my jacket and a tactical knife in my jeans. I’m not totally nuts. First aid kit’s for my buddy, though, I’ll be real, you need it way more than him.” There’s something resembling concern in his expression as his eyes flit between your torn arm and your face, but that barely interests you. You haven’t truly registered anything after ‘police-issue’.

You lean in, pressing the edge of your knife against the skin directly above his adam’s apple. For the first time since you’d cornered him, your mystery purger’s breath hitches. His eyebrows draw together in confusion. It’s no matter. You no longer regret the fact that you’ll have to tear his jugular out yourself. 

“You’re a hog, huh,” You stare him down, any sympathy you might’ve had gone. For a moment, it seems as if he has no concept of what you’re saying. A second passes, though, and his gaze clears. 

“Firefighter,” He responds, though the word is garbled due to him attempting to keep his movements to a minimum. You pull back slightly, very slightly, to let him explain. “I… found a dead cop, jacked his pistol. I’ll show you my ID, if you want.” 

“Let me see it.” You nod your head at him as if giving him permission to live a little longer, though you both know full well that identity theft and identity fabrication are legal, too. Might as well see how much effort he puts into a fake. The man waits until you pull back just a bit more, enough to let him slowly reach his hand into his back pocket before producing a lanyard. 

You grab it out of his grip with your hurt arm, not willing to move your knife too far away from his throat. You simply don’t have a good enough read on - you glance down - San Choi, ACT Firefighter, Employee ID: 018-102-4 to allow yourself any leeway with him. 

His gently smiling face stares up at you from the plastic card, protected only by a clear sleeve connected to a red lanyard. San’s photo has black hair and an undercut, styled so his forehead is on display. A pair of dimples makes a guest appearance, and, overall, he seems like a genuinely sweet guy. The ID looks real, too, so maybe you aren’t totally fucked. 

The San under your knife has bleach blond hair that almost falls over his eyes, though you suppose you can’t blame him for skipping out on the hair product tonight. He seems slightly tanner than his photo, his skin beautiful even now as dust from the aftermath of the explosion starts to settle against it. 

Right. The explosion. 

Recalling the events leading up to you meeting San forces you to remember that you have a gaping, bloody gash in your left arm. You’re honestly lucky to be alive, having ducked and used the car you’re against for cover from flying debris after a building down the block had exploded. You’d just finished driving your knife into a cop’s side - third cop of the night, eighth of your career as a purge cop killer - to make sure that he was dead when you’d heard the bomb go off, and you’d dropped before even thinking about it. Something had hit your arm on the way down, and when the adrenaline had finally left your system, you’d taken note of your blood-soaked sleeve. 

You’d closed the car door after that, sealing your third murder of the night in the vehicle just so you could lean up against the door. It had been 6:31 in the morning then, and you had figured that someone would come by and kill you in the last moments before legality ensued again. You’d assumed that you’d fight, of course you would, but your arm being totally fucked definitely put a damper on your belief in your ability to overcome anyone or anything else. 

Instead of the disgruntled, trigger-happy purger you’d expected to eventually find, though, you’d been found by San Choi. San Choi, who’s currently staring at your wounded arm like it’s grown eyes and can stare back. 

“Come on, let me fix it up,” He pleads, lifting the kit up with the hand that’s farther from you. “You might not trust me, or whatever, but the purge is about to end as it is. I have a paramedic friend, Seonghwa, who’s taught me the basics of -”

“Shut the fuck up.” You tell him, though you’re quickly losing your bite. He obeys regardless. God, your arm really, really fucking hurts. Before pulling your knife back, you check the watch on your wrist. 6:47. Stay alive for 13 more minutes, 780 more seconds. You’ll be fine. You take the shakiest breath you’ve ever taken. 

You pull your knife away from him. 

Nothing happens. 

“I’m going to use an alcohol free wipe and then wrap gauze around your arm, okay? You’ll just have to hold out until we can get you to a working hospital after that,” San speaks as if he’s talking to a child, or a scared animal, and you can’t blame him. He doesn’t seem like a purger, but you technically are one. You wouldn’t put it past yourself to attack on a whim if you were him. He, very slowly and with his hands in your full view at all times, opens the kit and pulls out the requisite materials. 

“Gonna need you to rip your sleeve off above the cut.” He continues, leaning back as you bring your knife up to your clothes and slit the cloth right above your wound. You tear the remainder of the sleeve off your arm before throwing it behind you somewhere. San gently grabs ahold of your elbow - his palm is calloused in a way that tells you he lifts regularly, and you’re sure of this as he discards his jacket and you watch the muscles ripple in his arms under his thin black shirt - and places the wipe against your cut. 

Your reaction is instantaneous: now that you’re completely past the adrenaline stage, the feeling of something, anything against the gash has you reeling to cry out. Before you can even process that you’ve made a sound, a hand presses hard against the back of your head, shoving your mouth against San’s. 

He doesn’t know how else to shut you up. 

His lips are chapped, but the sensation of being kissed so suddenly jars you out of your pain. San attempts to pull back, and you can already feel the apologetic wince he’s about to give you, but he brushes over your wound with the wipe again and your pain doubles back. It’s you that pulls him in this time, pressing your lips to his sloppily but forcefully as if it’ll alleviate the burn in your arm. 

Kissing him only slightly muffles you at best, but you no longer care. The purge isn’t over yet. You could both die at any second. Hell, San could kill you at any second. His hand moves from the back of your head to cup your face as he leans in towards you to deepen the kiss. His lips are chapped, yes, but they’re soft. He tastes like mint and copper: there’s a cut in his lower lip. You don’t mind. 

San pulls away for a moment, but only does so to grab the gauze from the kit. Once he’s wrapped it around your arm once, twice, thrice, he leans back in and your mouth accepts his own eagerly, your other hand coming up to drape over his shoulder. Neither of you know why you’re doing this, kissing a stranger with such fervor as one of you bandages the other up, but you both know that there’s really nothing else to do. 

It’s only after he finishes taping you up that the two of you pull away fully. His eyes are still just as kind as you’d thought them to be at first, though his lips are far more swollen than they’d been mere minutes prior. You admire your handiwork, eyes tracing his features as he admires his own, thumb very, very gently running over your gauze. Both of you raise your heads to smile sheepishly at each other at the exact same time.

Three things happen in rapid succession. 

“Good?” San’s voice is barely above a whisper, a smirk tugging at the corner of his mouth. Just as you’re about to speak - 

“San!” A voice, low and hoarse, interrupts you, and you look up to see the barrel of a gun pointed directly at the space between your eyes. You’re frozen in place for a split second before you start reaching for your own pistol. Your fingers brush the grip when - 

The clock strikes seven, and sirens go off all around you, signalling the end of the purge. 

The gun is out of your face. Your hand moves off of your own.

“San,” The owner of the gun pays you no mind, suddenly, his entire focus on San. The gun-owner reaches a hand out, and the firefighter beside you takes it, allowing himself to get pulled up to his feet. “You okay?” 

“Yeah, Yunho, I’m totally good,” San responds, giving the taller man a cat-like grin of reassurance. Yunho’s got a fireman’s helmet on, and you suppose it’s good as protection. He must be a fellow firefighter, then. He’s tall, and though he’d seemed nothing short of severe mere moments ago, he seems softer, kinder now that the purge is over. The transformation is enough to give you whiplash. His right hand is wrapped in bandages, and this catches San’s sight at the same time it catches your own. “What the hell happened to you, though?” 

“That policeman you killed had buddies,” Yunho replies with ease, but you don’t miss San’s wince. Seems like he hadn’t just happened upon that police-issue pistol. You can’t help the small grin that fights to make its way across your face. “They tried to get into the station, we had to fortify ourselves. We’re mostly fine, just that Woo’s lost a finger. He’ll live once he stops whining about it. We were mostly worried about you, honestly, taking fucking forever just to find a first aid kit. Who’s this?”

Yunho moves the topic of conversation over to you so naturally that you barely even realize what has happened before San is reaching a hand out to you to pull you up to a standing position. You grab ahold of your pistol, though you shove the bat off your lap before allowing yourself to be brought up. Without thinking, you practically plaster yourself to San’s side. Now that he’s for sure what he told you he was, and now that you’re no longer in danger of dying, you can’t help but feel inexplicably connected to him even though neither of you know each other. San wraps an arm around your waist naturally, and neither of you miss Yunho’s eyebrow raise. Neither of you acknowledge it, either. 

“This?” San asks rhetorically, turning his head slightly to look at you. He’s smiling again, and you find that you want to see it more often. Maybe you’re experiencing the onset of delirium. You hope not. “This is…” 

“(Name),” You reply, being honest. There’s no need for you to lie. Besides, you owe San answers, right? You stick your uninjured arm out, letting Yunho shake your hand. San’s grip tightens around your waist. 

“I’m (Name).”

[demonslayedher]

The Sharing of Demon Cells

Kibutsuji Muzan is the basis upon which all other demons live. They were altered by his cells, having more of his cells makes them more powerful, he can reach into their thoughts and sight whenever he likes, and should they ever slip up and say something that will pose a threat to him, the cells of his that each demon carries will act as a curse and kill them. But each demon is also an individual, and their own cells determine what sort of being they'll become, and how useful they'll be to Muzan in doing what he cannot. To what extent can their own cells be shared and influence others, a reflection of the way Muzan's can be? This will be heavily based on info presented in Fanbook #2, but will also look at cases throughout the manga.

Influence of Muzan's Cells First, let's consider how unique or separate the demons are in the first place. All demons have Muzan's cells, except Yushiro who was created without them, and when Muzan was killed all the demons died too. This dependency, as well as the fact that each demon essentially acts as a long-distance extension of Muzan, might make it seem like they are a hivemind, or like an aspen forest, in which it looks like there are lots of trees but actually they are all one living entity connected by their roots. However, I think it's better to think of Muzan like one core tree, and the other demons like plants that growth on top on him with roots dependent on him, though they use their own leaves to reap... well, sunlight. Maybe this is a bad metaphor. We can still, however, thing of them as intimately intertwined.

Essentially, they are their own unique beings almost like parasites to him, because in most cases we've seen of people turning to demons, there was more or less a death of the human. In the two cases of demons turning human again, with the help of medicine to unweave themselves from Muzan, the mere time spent as a demon which self-repairing cells was what already zapped life back into them. In other cases, while still intimating interwoven with Muzan, that means they'd have been dragging down with him. This means Nezuko got very lucky with her timing that the medicine had an effect on her before Muzan perished; though perhaps she freed herself enough that this would not have had an effect. For those demons that aren't as lucky (Tamayo had a pure stroke of luck being able to break from, as though the thorny vines turned brittle enough for her to break through when Muzan was in pieces after encountering Yoriichi, and then it was impossible to bring her back), this means being vulnerable to Muzan's wishes at any time. While Muzan himself is essentially in pieces at all times, what with being present inside of each of his demons, he is the progenitor of demons, and this doesn't cause him any ill effects (making him more like a host rather than interdependent). However, other demons have also shown this ability to break themselves into multiple pieces.

The Swamp Demon: One demon in three bodies showing different attributes, but all the same being. Notably, this was not it's only Blood Technique, it had also developed a whole sub-dimension. Pretty rough first mission for a newbie, although it's possible it did not yet have mastery of its own rather impressive techniques (like Kaigaku). Hantengu: His self-splitting is more complicated, in that he first gains strength when he is cut, especially in taking on younger forms, until reaching the limits of this. Make enough copies, and his copies will no longer gain extra strength, like how repeated clones will have shorter and shorter DNA code on which to base themselves, or how photocopying copy after copy instead of the original will lead to blurrier copies. While like the Swamp Demon these different bodies show different personalities, it's a more advanced technique because they also show entirely different abilities, and function like multiple demons that happen to share the same basic identity. What gets really interesting is when one of these demons forcefully absorbs the others and grows more powerful.

Demon cannibalism is not an ideal way of gaining strength, but it happens. As mentioned in this post analyzing how demons rely on their human diet, demons at the Final Selection were known to eat each other, but clearly this doesn't make them as formidable as eating humans would, and it may had only been a desperate act to quell their own maddening hunger. However, in cases when demons have challenged each other, the loser may be absorbed. That is precisely what Kokushibou did on two of the three occasions he was challenged for the Upper Moon One rank, according to Fanbook #2 (he decided not to eat Akaza because he liked him). This cannibalism was done with Muzan's permission, and if it's anything like Sekido absorbing the other Hantengu quarters to become Zouhakuten, then we can assume Kokushibou got stronger because of the cells he took from those demons, perhaps similar to how cells from Muzan can make a demon more powerful. While we're on the topic of Upper Moons, Fanbook #2 states that only they have the permission to make other demons, and even so, they must ask Muzan for permission first. I'm assuming they're also the only ones allowed to call Muzan up on the mental telephone line instead of just be on the receiving end. If Muzan agrees, their blood is changed, so essentially what they give the new demon hopeful is not their own blood, but Muzan's. There is only demon we know of who has permission to share his own unique cells, which influence demons in their own unique way, separate from the influence Muzan already has. Lower Moon Five, Rui, simply by virtue of being a favorite. Fanbook #2 tells us:

Although he's only been a demon for less than twenty years, he's especially skilled, and well-favored by Muzan. In terms of absolute abilities he's thought to be more like Lower Moon One or Two, but since he isn't concerned about what number he is he's never applied for change in rank. Muzan anticipated Rui being able to kill Pillars. He probably would had been able to have a good match with a Pillar if he first reabsorbed all the abilities he split up amongst the demons playing the roles of his family (that is, his Blood Techniques which he lent to them by making them drink his blood, which gave them spider appearances), and he probably could had gotten even stronger. However, because he got over-emotional while fighting Tanjiro and the others on Mt. Natagumo, he made some misjudgments. He has a tendency to do simple attacks just throwing his weight around when he gets angry. If Rui were defeated first, his family member demons, who could not originally use Blood Techniques, would lose those abilities.

We can infer a few things from this: --All of those techniques were Rui's in the first place --Rui became weaker by doing this (though his overall strategy in spreading his abilities lead to lots and lots of Demon Slayer Corp deaths, so this is probably part of why Muzan allowed it), so there are limitations in how thinly he can spread himself --If not Rui's personal techniques and instead developed by being in combination with the individual demons' he shared his blood with, that's perhaps part of why he could had gotten more powerful by reabsorbing his own blood/blood techniques. While Rui did have special permission, I think it's also partly because Rui lacked ambition, so he never would had set about to challenge Muzan by spreading his own personal influence. Just think what, say, someone like Gyokko would had done with this permission, and how much he might had abused it in spreading his own taste and influence. Though he's subservient to Muzan, with too much of a taste for power, it's possible he could had tried to overstep his boundaries--not that Muzan would had let that last long the moment he saw it in his thoughts, but keeping tight rules prevents him from ever having to deal with any challenges from among his more powerful demons. If we look at the Rui-Demon Family relationship from the receiving end, though, this is a clear case for how taking cells from other demons can make a demon much stronger, thereby being another option besides eating humans or possible other self-strengthening methods. While they did on the whole become stronger and were newly able to use Blood Techniques with Rui's help, what about other cases of not simply getting stronger, but using each others' techniques as-is? Yahara and Susamaru, perhaps? Not quite, they each used their own Blood Techniques and willingly cooperated with each other, there was no exchange of cells, as far as we know. (That sounds dirty, and we're not going there.) How about when anybody uses Yushirou's papers? First, those abilities were freely lent, and most of the people who used them were human, and there was no ingesting of demon blood required. Perhaps with Nakime, however, forcing his own blood into her may had been how he was able to force her to see illusions. Genya using Kokushibou's techniques? Now we're getting closer. While in his temporary demon state, he was influenced by Kokushibou's cells like Rui's family was influenced by his cells in their appearance. It seems the tree was of his own making instead of being strictly a copy of Kokushibou's techniques, but we can think of this as a crude imitation of the ability to make objects based on demon cells, especially something that requires speedy growth/increase of cells. Later in that fight, Kokushibou displayed the ability to very quickly increase and transform, and the sword which Genya consumed was, essentially, a part of Kokushibou's body. (Still sounding dirty, but nope, we still are not going there.) Very notable is that this is a case of a demon's cells/abilities being absorbed and used against their own will. Even if this did subtract from Kokushibou's abilities like happened with Rui, though, the effect was probably only slight. So then what about when a demon freely wants to lends their own ability to another demon? First of all, Muzan, who will stand for absolutely nothing challenging him, will say no.

Ok. So. What if we can get around that? Answer: Yes, we can. We can totally do this. It's probably just as simple as Rui having other demons drink his blood, and they all probably have some innate ability to influence each other, albeit the more powerful ones having more influence. But, what's super interesting is that their own cells still stay unique to them, even when in another demon's body. Cases in point, Rui's family members periodically changing back to their personal appearance, and Muzan's cells lurking inside of any other demon. And, jumping ahead of ourselves, even when Muzan has absorbed Tamayo, her cells are still so unique that he can even reassemble her. (Worth noting, absorbing one demon probably only had a marginal effect on making him stronger. Also worth noting, at least when inside Muzan's inner space, she's also able to reassemble herself to some extent, and we only see her fade away in peace in a post-chapter sketch once Muzan is dead.)

Speaking of Tamayo, she did freely use a Blood Technique freely given to her by another demon, the man in Asakusa. Once they got him free of Muzan's curse too so he could act on his own will, he could lend the use of his cells and thorny flesh vines to Tamayo, specifically to be used against Muzan in Chapter 138. Muzan's first thought is, "who's Blood Technique is this?" Unsurprising he's long forgotten about the throwaway Asakusa Demon, who has now totally slipped out of his control! But he stays calm, knowing this is like any other demon, and it's not even a huge amount, he can simply absorb this. Which, of course, makes his unwittingly absorb Tamayo's fist, too. Whoops. (Aside: I had initially thought the Blood Technique Muzan uses against Himejima in Chapter 139 was Muzan taking the Asakusa Demon's attack and using it as his own, but Fanbook #2 specifies that this is Muzan's own unique technique.)

Let's back up one more moment. It's one thing to influence each other with your own cells that stay separate and unique, and to lend out Blood Techniques. But what about sharing demon cells in a way that makes it act like like a food, something that can be broken down, totally separated from its former host, and fundamentally transform its new host?

For that, we have medicine.

Yushirou might had been made with Tamayo's cells, or a medicine developed from scratch like the medicine that changed Muzan into a demon, or it could be a combination of both. However, even when Tamayo died, Yushirou could go on living, so he and Tamayo do not have a dependent host/parasite relationship like all the other demons do with Muzan. He certainly felt it with his whole being when he perished, but you could argue that this was the power of love instead of his cells being tied with hers. If her cells were used to create him (which I find likely), being used in a medicinal form severed whatever sort of standard connection there might had been if making demons in Muzan's style, and it also allowed it to fully become a part of Yushirou as an individual, instead of remaining uniquely Tamayo (not that he'd have a problem with that). Getting that process to work took Tamayo over two hundred years. That's probably part of why she could work so much faster with Nezuko's blood, and why she was able to use it as a medicine to help the Asakusa Demon, as stated in Tamayo's letter to Tanjiro in Chapter 127. There's no mention of him picking up traits from Nezuko like Exploding Blood or potential to master the sun, instead, the only effect was helping him break free of Muzan's influence, and perhaps his ability to live on a small amount of blood might also had been influenced by Nezuko's ability to function without it (though I find it more likely Tamayo already had other appetite management methods that helped her and Yushirou which also helped this fellow).

So anyway. While there are demons we don't wish to harm by shedding light on them in a thoughtless metaphor, I hope this was insightful.

[bleufrost]

Guiding Light

Summary: Even though your team finally trusts Loki enough to give him a chance, you still have to help him realize he's not the monster he sometimes thinks he is.

a/n: this is within the same universe as There's Just Time but it can also be read as a standalone (: more notes at the end for anyone who wants to read them!

Words: 1,921

Warnings: angst, self doubt, theres also fluff so dont worry!

If we come back and we're broken Unworthy and ashamed Give us something to believe in And you know we'll go your way

You never really realize how loud everything is until Loki cuts you off from his energy. Now, that isn't to say that Loki leads a tranquil existence, it's actually quite the opposite. Loki's emotions are incredibly sporadic and loud; so loud in fact, that they have become nearly identical in nature to the crashing of waves against the shore. Deafening, yet with the promise of calm once you come to recognize it as home. Without the roar, everything you’d rather drown out comes back to the forefront of your mind. That is exactly what is happening right now.

Tony’s bubbling anxiety to get his hands on something new clashes with the forced control of Bruce’s psyche as you enter the lab. The opposing energies nearly incapacitate you. “Hey, have you guys seen Loki?” You sit next to Bruce, your focus on his hands as he moves some things around on a screen. It’s a lame attempt to center yourself, but it helps a bit when a drill sparks to life in Tony’s hands. Bruce smiles at you apologetically and you shake your head.

“What’s that, kiddo?” Tony’s voice barely registers over the monotonous sound of the drill and you try to signal for him to turn it off, but the attempt is in vain. Instead of continuing to scream, you wait it out until Tony finally seems to be finishing up. The drill powers down and he smiles at you in that way that only he can; as though he truly believes that the world can wait for him. You can’t exactly blame him, you did wait, didn’t you?

“Okay, what’s up?” He places the drill down and brushes his hands off on his pants.

“I was just wondering if you’ve seen Loki around?” He looks to Bruce and they both seem to mutually agree that they haven’t. Tony shrugs at you.

“Sorry, kid. No Reindeer Games around here.” You roll your eyes at the nickname and he lets out a loud laugh. “Okay, thanks.” Getting up, you exit the lab and head for the common room.

It takes a few more tries, and by the time someone finally tells you they spotted him, your head is racing. There are so many different emotions and waves of energy in so limited a space, it exhausts you. Often you found navigating it all to be a fun game, but that was only when you had an anchor. Unfortunately, your anchor seems to be a little lost at sea.

When you do find Loki, he’s staring out a large window on one of the top floors of the compound. There’s a book abandoned in his lap, his finger resting on the page as though he had drifted mid sentence. The bright sky reflects on his eyes in a beautiful show of light. Anchors and waves, you knew Loki was all of it to you.

“Hey.” It comes out as only a whisper as you approach him slowly. It’s so soft, you almost doubt he hears it at all. Of course, he does though. He’s a god and, with great pain, you also know that he’s very used to being on his guard.

Loki’s eyes move from the clouds above and over to you. You’re not sure if the lights are playing tricks on you, but you swear that there are small hints of unshed tears in his crystal eyes.

“Hello.” If you thought your voice was soft, Loki’s is hardly there at all. It shakes ever so slightly at the end of the word, and if his shielding emotions wasn’t a dead giveaway, his demeanor most definitely is. Something’s wrong.

Your feet take slow, tentative steps forward. Neither one of you breaks eye contact, and when you attempt to push your energy over to him as some form of comfort, it hits a wall. He’s using his own magic to deliberately block yours from reaching him. Your feet stop moving and you can see in the way that his eyes glint that he’s aware of how distanced he is keeping you.

“Loki, what’s hurting you?” It’s a simple question, but that’s all it takes. After over a thousand years spent dancing around problems and masking insecurities, your willingness to openly address such intimate pains was still so novel to him.

The first few times he had spoken to you, really spoken to you, all illusions set aside and with no intent to trick you, he had been struck hard by your lack of judgement. All Loki ever knew was how to hide the most vulnerable parts of himself because others would use them against him. WIth you though, the vulnerability was exclusively used as a bridge to growth. You had told him once that energy flowed toward energy. It was made to grow. Naturally, because he was composed of all different kinds of untamable energy, it was only inevitable that he would continue to evolve into a stronger version of himself if he chose to recognize the points that were draining him.

Energy moves toward energy, and so he allowed his to move to you.

“I don’t feel I belong here. I’m not worthy of forgiveness.” The confession twists your heart into a knot. It hurts to hear the insecurity lacing his voice, but the emotions that seep into you hurt even more. With his wall down, you can feel the nervousness, fear, anxiety, and overall sense of loathing that Loki has been carrying by himself. You understand why he blocked himself from you, but you’re so incredibly relieved to be sharing his burden.

It takes a second for you to acclimate to the new feeling, but your feet take you the rest of the way to him as soon as you do. You’d never run from him, no matter how intense it may be to stay.

“No, no. Even just your ability to share that with me proves that you’re more than worthy, Loki.” The unshed tears come to the surface, slipping past his eyes and running slowly down his cheek. Your hand instinctively comes up to rest against his face.

“There’s not one of us here who hasn’t done things that we regret. Things that have hurt people and that we wish we could take back, but we can’t.”

More tears fall from his eyes and he looks at you so lost and frightened that you fear your heart may break.

“How do you live with it?” His eyes search yours for answers, and you wish you could tell him something that could help right now. Unfortunately, all experience you have with this calls for an agonizing amount of time to pass before even a hint of relief begins to seep in. There’s so much to do before forgiveness can come; not from others, but from yourself. It does come, though.

An idea sparks to life then, as you recall everything you’d done to make amends for the lives you had damaged, Forgiveness, understanding, healing. You knew these feelings and, luckily, that was all you needed.

Your other hand raises slowly, a soft blue light wrapping around the edges of each finger as it hugs around your skin. You hold your hand out to Loki, knowing that he needs to be the one to initiate this. You can offer yourself, but he has to choose to accept.

His large hand comes up, nearly meeting yours before he stops mere centimeters away. He can feel a slight wave of the emotions that you hold in your hand, but that same fear of being unworthy holds him back. Does he even deserve this kindness that you show him? You know he deserves that and so much more, but the doubt still makes him struggle.

The back and forth pull is not lost on you. Your thumb strokes the sharp curve of his cheekbone, finding your own comfort in providing it to him. His eyes close at the motion, and when he opens them again, the fear is gone.

Loki slips his hand into yours, finding the empty spaces between your fingers to be a perfect fit for him. He clings to you like a lifeline, and you very well may be one to him. You know he is for you.

Your light engulfs him, flowing up his arm and straight into his chest, his mind, his heart. Anywhere he needs it, your light will find him and help him feel okay. Every memory you had, every emotion, and every tear was placed into that light. Relief. Forgiveness. For Loki, it was hope.

“You do whatever you can to make up for it. You can’t fix everything, but sometimes just trying is enough.” Loki takes in your words and continues to let your energy hug him like a warm blanket. Trying. He could do that.

When he’s ready, he lets your magic go. Immediately, some of the doubt returns, but it’s nothing he can’t handle. Not when you’re here.

“Thank you.” The air around you seems to spark to life and you find your energy starts to pull toward Loki. It was odd; unlike anything you’d felt before.

Of course, there were certain people that naturally caused your powers to want to be near them. Their energies were calming enough or provided with just the right amount of curiosity that stoked the childlike wonder in yourself. You always knew exactly why you were being drawn to them. This time, with Loki, it was different. You couldn’t pinpoint the exact emotion of yearning that drew you to him. All you knew was that you felt connected.

Deciding that this moment held enough excitement for the two of you, you left it alone. Maybe you could ask about it some other time when things were a bit calmer. Right now, you just wanted Loki to relax. There were many things about your abilities that you were still yet to explore. This was probably nothing.

Loki’s hand guided you out of your thoughts and back to him. He brought you closer and smiled. “Sit with me?”

You immediately reciprocated his smile. Loki may think that his well crafted charm is the most endearing thing about him. You know that’s not true. By far the most compelling and radiant thing about Loki was the unfiltered appreciation he had for the smallest things in life. Sitting beneath a blue sky sounded like heaven when he offered it up with such a gorgeous smile.

“Of course.” You let go of his hand to lift yourself onto the cushioned bench he was sitting on. It’s long enough to provide you with enough room to place distance between yourself and Loki, but you don’t. When you’re settled, Loki finds your hand once more. He squeezes it gently and lifts the book with his other.

“Would you like me to read to you?” He raises the book a little higher so you can see the cover, but quite honestly you don’t care what he’s reading. You just like to hear his voice. You nod happily. “Yes, please.”

Loki offers you one more genuine grin and sets to work, reading the words on the page like a poet sharing their most prized work. You can feel him, deafening the world around you until you’re lulled back into a calm that only his noise can guide you to.

As he reads, your connected hands glow with an energy that neither of you intentionally brings forth; it just happens. Even without trying, some things just do.

a/n: I realized that I was making little references to moments/memories in the main story that I really wanted to write, so thats what these mini pieces will be! on that note, the second chapter should be up by saturday at the latest. i had some computer problems which sucks lol, but its getting done! after that, i'll be trying to get the new chapters up before the premiere of the next loki episode. have a lovely day yall!

[larrythefloridaman]

Y'all like your deities with or without the shell?

Under the readmore is aaaaaaaaall color god observations and musings based on them, because I am studying to become the world's Premiere Chromatheologian and RGB Understander so under the cut is pretty much Oops! All Spoilers! up to the most recent episode of season 3.

Apparently Universal Color God Attributes:

Damage to their domain hurts them, but fixing the issue, or lashing out by using their powers destructively, can help them to repair the damage.

If they sustain enough damage, it can temporarily paralyze them and send them into a strengthened but 'exposed' state (chartreuse's spirit activation in the last fight of 19) and further damage after that will activate a failsafe, which is unique by domain but seemingly designed to give them the chance to balance things, but can get… very out of hand or backfire depending on circumstances. (see: cobalt’s failsafe sending mark's universe into a never-ending apocalyptic war because word of the cure for death became too widespread for the killing urge failsafe to affectively balance anything because every side could simply revive their fallen.)

Chartreuse's failsafe is something of a stopped time bubble quarantine where processes that require the passing of time cannot complete, allowing her the time to wear down the offending party to beat them to death or plan around finishing them.

Cobalt's is inciting war, the casualties serving to balance the scale. I'm not sure we know Crimson's yet- he's never taken enough direct damage without doing damage to compensate in order to trigger it, although i dont remember season one well enough to recall if any of the universe stuff in it tracks with the pattern bc season one is a bit fucky

Connected in a fashion that allows them to simply Sense the overall status of the others to some extent, although they don't know Why theyre in the state theyre in without asking (chartreuse [and by extension, folk, presumably on her information] confronting crimson via crimsonaut for pretending to be dead, Cobalt confronting both his siblings about how they are handling their duties improperly but not knowing about Folk. He knew about the constants deaths because hes a death god, duh, but he didnt use their names like crimson did, possibly implying they're erased upon death so thoroughly that only crimson and the constants can really recall a shattered constants' existence, not even the other guardians.)

Abilities of the guardians can be replicated by mortals through three apparent methods- through machines (dimensional bus, the time machine, presumably J0hn's part in Sephiroth's resurrection,) simply through advanced enough individual skill (Home MD curing death, potentially Dantoinette's universe portal travel, maybe Genwun's sped up time bubble that evolved them into Genfour? although that could very well have just been an illusion and theyre just like, a fuckin theater kid that was doing pretend character development for the Bit or something given GenFive turned out to be a zoroark) or through stealing some of the power of the relevant god (Dr. Order stealing Chartreuse's power, Dani maybe having stolen some of Crimson's when she beat his ass. Dani's one woman universal travel is like, wicked ambiguous)

Cobalt:

Can seemingly perceive or act through any living material. (The Tree. Cobalt instructed Larry to slap his hand on that tree, that shit glowed and he had a new deal tattoo without Cobalt ever having been physically present)

Can influence the resurrected by giving them a killing urge. Represented by an aberrant brainwave and a ringing in the undead's heads. This doesnt appear to be direct control- as the Grunk could clearly restrain himself from killing people that genuinely didn't deserve it (like nightly and cha cha, who WERE grunk event targets but not fatally so. Nagito was a crimson thing so it really doesn't count here. God poor grunk his life really is just a constant plaything in the hands of the gods huh) and Sephiroth very much had personal motivation to want to kill Folk. failsafe activates this ability on the scale of war.

Deals. The extent of what Cobalt can do with these is unclear but Iggy's god powers were taken from him as his part in the deal so what he can take isn't limited to physical things or things obviously related to his domain.

Weaknesses:

Deals. While this ability is impressive his preference for making deals for those that offend against his domain is potentially very exploitable- Larry's knowledge of the cure for death is, if word of it were to ever get out beyond Larry, wildly dangerous for this dimension, so technically the safest thing for the iron-fisted cobalt to do would be to nip the problem in the bud and get rid of him. But, fascinatingly, that wasn't even put on the table, the first thing Cobalt does is threaten J0hn, prompting Larry to make a deal. While Cobalt enforces death, he also doesn't like unnecessary death, and Larry demonstrably knows how to keep a secret for the good of the world even at great cost to himself and Cobalt is aware of this- easily clarifying to Larry the aberrant thing endangering the universe wasn't his timeloop business. So while he's clearly not letting his resurrection fuckery go unpunished, he's being pretty merciful when he doesn't have to be and from a strictly, brutally pragmatic perspective probably shouldn't be.

His control over the undead manifests as a ringing and an aberrant brainwave trackable by J0hn's equipment, and could probably therefore be accounted for and circumvented? J0hn has, wisely, largely sworn off fucking with people's brains after the sephiroth fiasco went So Wrong, So Very Wrong, Oh God Oh Fuck Someone Cool Almost Died, but if he hadn't, and if J0hn let his dislike for authority and keeping Larry safe outweigh reason like he let safety, spite and comedic value outweigh good ethical sense when reprogramming sephiroth, in theory Mr. 'hacked a time machine for breakfast?' could. y'know. probably do it. what is a god's authority to an anarchist, what better to challenge life and death than the cold and eternal machine, you get the point its a fun scenario

Olive Garden Breadsticks and Small Cute Dogs, apparently

Chartreuse's:

Time Clones: taps into parallel timelines to retrieve alternate versions of herself to utilize.

Time Travel: what it says on the tin. Travel to the past creates painful splits in the prime timeline, but through careful action and traveling back into the past, these can be weaved into a time loop. A split from the timeline is a wound, and a successful timeloop is the surgical scar it can become with attentive care, to use a medical metaphor. Carefully closed and healing. Keeping Folk here is essentially akin to chartreuse pulling out her stitches on the initial incision.

Time Stopping: creates a space wherein things that take time to complete cannot complete, where things can move, but everything within is in a perfect unchanging stasis until the bubble drops. This is the form her failsafe takes.

Timeline Creation: can create timelines from scratch.

Can fuse alternate timeline versions of the same individual to allow them to coexist. (Ryan's confirmed in the discord that Dantoinette experienced both failures in 20, because Chartreuse fused the two instances of her to save the post-raid instance from fading. Could... theoretically do this to Folk and save herself the pain, but while Folk and Therapuppy are the same person, there's seven years and untold amounts of difference deriving from the time and circumstance between them and the inherent cognitive dissonances that would result from attempting that would be wicked fucked up to inflict, and that's assuming there isn't some reason that it wouldn't be possible anyway. while the two Danis had like. A day or so's difference between them, so she could be safely fused with the only dissonant thing being that she remembers both being too slow to prevent order's time escape and beginning to dissipate post-raid, AND losing that fight to her pre-raid. RIP Dani, that perfectionism must be kicking her ass)

Weaknesses:

Unwilling to use her powers destructively in her pursuit of domain repair and thereby much easier to damage to the point of paralyzing her, making her particularly vulnerable to Power Theft

Morally Optimistic. At one point in 19, she briefly justifies Crimson's shitty evil actions to herself after experiencing for herself how Wack the kerfuffleverse is firsthand, ("and all he did was kill a couple people!" Chartreuse. Honey.) and when she fights Crimsonaut she seems to actually believe for a second that he's actually worried about her when Crimson asks if she's okay after he beats her. Additionally, as D+, she concerns herself with trying to understand doctor order's motive, and after Larry defeats Order, he makes a point of confirming she feels no remorse before making his request for what Chartreuse does with her, and appeals to the idea of letting Order fulfill her desire to be a god in a way which isn't a problem for anyone and Chartreuse is more than happy to oblige under these conditions after what Larry's done for everybody. Then immediately threatens to evaporate him for playfully teasing her about having a crush on folk. Fucked up a little bit

Crimson's:

Universe Shifting: Travel between universes.

Universe Correction: appears to replace an aberrant individual with the 'correct' version of themselves for that universe, presumably sending them back to their own. (Mario from super mario was universe corrected, but still seemingly exists in wario form as evidenced by smashup kerfuffle, and was simply temporarily replaced with his corrected universe counterpart. But like. The dimensional bus system is still active crimbo doing the Put That Thing Back Where It Came From Or So Help Me routine aint gonna work if they can come back with a shrug and bus fare. you're fighting the symptoms without treating the problem)

Universal Constants:

Three individuals per universe that serve as the pillars which stabilize said universe, created by absorbing red orbs Crimson creates. Becoming a constant grants power, but also makes the constant fragile, and death wipes them from the face of the multiverse, only crimson, those he's possessed and the other constants seemingly able to recall they ever existed, although some physical evidence is still left behind (Larry's record of Nagito's death, which is just as redacted as everything else relating to him but still is very much something Larry has. Kind of a Voidfish adventurezone type beat ironically enough? Taako really has seen all this shit before no wonder he peaced tf out)

To counterbalance the weaknesses the constants have, they have a sort of spidey-sense to alert them to danger, and an intrinsic bonded connection to their fellow constants, and additionally, Crimson apparently doesn't suffer any pain from the death of constants or the structural instability of a universe.

Possession: what it says on the tin! Seemingly can only be done with permission to living things- none of crimson's direct hosts seem to have entered that agreement unwillingly, Valentine lost a bet, Hamburger and Crimsonaut have been by all evidence intentional allies to Crimson- but electronics are fair game, as seen with The Guy's suit. Kinda curious how that rule applies to bitches that are half and half, like J0hn or the clonebot gang, as its unclear whether The Guy's suit was yoinkable without permission because it was mechanical or because its not sentient. could go either way but if it's the former that's potentially very frightening

Fusion: Two individuals from alternate universes can be fused into one shared body which can take on aspects of either depending on which is currently in control. (possibly allows someone who traveled into a given universe to become a fixed resident there without it being an issue for Crimson, whose job is to prevent interdimensional travel?) Monday Mark and possibly T.O.M. are our main examples.

Corruption:

Unpleasant As Hell and can even kill you instead of changing you if you cant handle it.

turns the corrupted individual into a twisted exaggeration of themself, allows them supernatural control over their shape, and makes them very difficult- if not impossible by traditional means- to kill, based on Garfield.

Subjects them to control by Crimson, but can be exorcised of this influence just like crimson's direct hosts can, although the supernatural changes to their physiology are seemingly permanent, judging from Shantae.

Notable Weaknesses:

Exorcism can be performed to free a possessed or corrupted individual of Crimson's influence. Its unclear how exorcism works/is learned in CPUK, but confirmed exorcists: dantoinette and yung papaya's snake dad, confirmed non-exorcists: folk

The universal constant orbs are physical objects so they are Very Stealable and they grant a power boost so theres literally an Incentive to beat his ass for anybody who wants to be strong and either doesnt know or doesn't care about the whole 'getting erased when you die' part

Crimson has lots of tools to create pawns, but all of them have drawbacks. Corruption could kill a potential pawn, possession generally seems to require permission, and he has no control over the constants' choices and actions

Manipulative bitch's highest stat is charisma and it shows. This motherfucker is selling snake oil. If he was mortal rather than a Whole Entire God he'd make an excellent ineffectual saturday morning cartoon supervillain and i think everyone, including him, would be happier for it, ngl

Something interesting ive realized that likely wasnt fully intentional, is that a lot of Dr. Order's creations, considering her motive, can kind of be sorted by a color god it appears to be a crude attempt at mimicking the abilities of. My Grunk is a poorly executed resurrection, the clonebot gang vs chartreuse's timeclones (this one deserves special mention because Chartreuse used this shitty attempted mimicry to her advantage with D+, very smart and ironic play, excellent job Treusy,) spirits are somewhat similar to universal constant orbs (orbs which can be absorbed to grant power, but which have physical repercussions- key differences being that spirits require activation and grow stronger while attuning to a user without being used, and having far less severe drawbacks, taking a heavy toll on the body, but only once they've worn off and without the risk of wiping yourself from the face of existence,) and she also augmented Perfect Spriteman and Larry, which kind of track as crude imitations of Crimson's corruption!

Garfield was an acerbic cat who loved food and hated mondays, now its an actively malicious ever-hungry amorphous entity whose only weakness is monday and whose only consistency in form is 'cat-like.'

Shantae was (to my extremely limited understanding of shantae,) a friendly heroic type who had to introduce herself often, and she became something akin to a biblically accurate angel that can *only* introduce herself.

The Grunks a tough but sweet and supportive single dad with stage presence and a tendency to fly off the handle when he or his family are slighted, and now he gets so hype in the audience when his son does well that he bursts into flames and ascends and we get random grunk events along with the associated murder charges when he gets mad and the target sucks enough that he doesn't hold himself back from killing them.

Perfect Spriteman and Larry fit the trend of exaggeration of already present traits- Spriteman fucking loves sprite and became something that only thinks about sprite, and Larry the Florida Man, characterized from minute one by unpredictability and who spent his first matches in the series pre-shapeshifter transformation staying alive keeping stocks for Shockingly Long even despite getting seventh, became literally physically random as well as developing the ability to regenerate, albeit with the ability to feel pain normally very much intact, unlike Garfield just... Soaking up damage like its nothing in his pursuit of Jon. The fact that Arbuckle legit defeated Garfield, even temporarily, is terrifyingly impressive honestly that dude is fucking built different for being so chronically bland

i dont think they're actually corrupted in any meaningful way we have to worry about, to be fully clear, Spriteman was cured with fucking antacids, i simply think they could be a fucked up attempt at making something that kind of seems like it from a functional standpoint, from the wannabe god doctor that brought us green clones whose only fundamental association with time was accelerated aging and who thought an actively rotting corpse thats just reanimated enough that it can throw hands was as good as curing death

[incorrect-pokespe-quotes]

Let’s Talk About Norman

I’m going to start off by telling you all something you probably already know: Norman is abusive. I try not to use super strong language on this blog because calling someone abusive / toxic is a pretty big deal, but Norman is an abuser, full stop. Aside from the obvious physical violence though, there’s a lot of emotional trauma he causes Ruby through his actions— this post is mostly going to be talking about Norman’s emotional abuse and how it affects Ruby’s psyche and actions throughout the arc instead of just “oh he punched his son down some stairs” because I think it goes way deeper than that. With that out of the way, the rest of the post is below the cut!

PHYSICAL VIOLENCE

I can’t talk about Ruby and Norman without mentioning this— it’s the most clear cut evidence of his abuse on-panel. He punches his son down the stairs, engages in a high stakes fight with him, and puts him in mortal danger (which Ruby has to save himself from). What I’m concerned with isn’t the actual incidence of violence itself, but rather the emotional baggage that comes with it.

The interesting thing about the Big Fight scene to me is that Norman instigates the conflict. Norman lures Ruby into a “dark and scary building” in the rain and away from others, appears behind him, threatens him, and throws him against a wall. The only thing Ruby had done in that moment is ask his dad how / why he had found him— Norman was the instigator of violence. It is Ruby’s reaction to this immediately violent start that segues into the next Big Thing about their relationship.

ENVIRONMENT OF FEAR

It is obvious from the minute Norman appears on panel that he is intimidating. Multiple characters throughout the arc mention that they are scared of / intimidated by him, but none are more obvious than Ruby. In fact until we reach the scene at the Weather Institute, Norman hasn’t been shown in a positive light at all from Ruby’s perspective. Ruby continuously mentions fear about his father: he imagines his father grabbing him, looking angrily at him, and generally seems to be afraid of him. Ruby expresses worry and concern about the consequences of his father’s anger— and that’s ALL he thinks about. Ruby mentions explicitly that he has seen “Norman’s Dark Side” and tries to hide as soon as he appears. He even shivers at the mere mention of Norman. Ruby’s entire motivation is his fear of his dad, which is bad, obviously. 

Every thought about Norman that Ruby has up until the Weather Institute about Norman express fear and stress Norman’s emotional distance. Whether or not Ruby and Norman love each other is not of importance here, what is important is that Ruby has constant worry and anxiety about how Norman will react. His entire motivation at the beginning of the arc is centered around doing things behind Norman’s back and giving him definitive proof of Ruby’s accomplishments— Ruby is so nervous around Norman that he considers communicating to be a risk. This is typical abuse victim behavior and it continues through the arcs. Living under the constant threat of (often violent) punishment has taught Ruby that disagreements and communication in general are dangerous and can spiral into violence very, very quickly— he displays this same fear time and time again.

Quick Aside: As everyone here probably knows, the main conflict in the oras arc is centered around Ruby’s unwillingness to tell Sapphire what is going on for fear of how she will react. Ruby’s hiding of his memory of their confession in the Emerald arc is the same— Ruby refuses to communicate because he is afraid of how Sapphire will react. His main emotional flaw is the fact that he is driven by fear; Norman has shown him there are consequences to communication and Ruby carries this lesson throughout his entire life. He is a victim of abuse and this hampers his ability to communicate and be emotionally vulnerable. He is so caught up in the idea of consequences that he is more than willing to lie or omit the truth to avoid the consequences of talking to people about stressful topics. This is not to say that Ruby’s actions are excusable— he’s still a dick with communication issues, but whether or not Kusaka intended it, Norman’s abuse and its consequences define Ruby’s emotional arc.

ANGER ISSUES

I can’t really talk about the environment of fear that Norman created without talking about his anger issues. He crushes a phone, shoves people out of the way, knocks multiple Pokemon out at once, and otherwise acts aggressively in various situations throughout the arc without any real Reason. As if these hints weren’t enough, we actually get confirmation through Ruby’s mother that Norman “does this often”— and judging by Birch’s reaction, these displays of destructive anger aren’t normal in in-universe. Whether or not there is a violent / strict parenting style within the universe doesn’t matter, because Norman is shown to be uncharacteristically aggressive in comparison to other adults in the series. Judging by Ruby’s reaction at the Weather Institute, he implies that his type of violence towards him isn’t uncommon; he seems almost resigned to it.

To wrap up this section: Norman’s aggressiveness is atypical even in-universe, he is shown to be unable and unwilling to curb his violent anger, and this creates an environment of fear among his family that permanently impacts Ruby’s ability to communicate effectively with others.

PART 2

DISCLAIMER: This is where things get… dicey. Everything I’ve mentioned previously is rooted in the actual drawings and actions of the characters or overarching themes / problems. This next part however focuses on dialogue. It is almost impossible to truly understand the tone of each line without being a fluent Japanese speaker (which I am not) so instead I’m going to use Viz and CY to the best of my ability for this section. I’m not going to extrapolate this to Kusaka’s intentions, since without the original work that’s nearly impossible, but I can at least talk about the way these come off in English.

EMOTIONAL ABUSE

Admittedly, Viz is the worst about this. They constantly hype Norman up and excuse his behavior, outright censoring some of the physical and emotional abuse. Viz absolutely mangling the tone of RS, however, is a post for another time.

Because Norman actually speaks to Ruby at length a grand total of twice times in the RS arc, we can break down his actions into these two instances: the first is at the weather institute and the second is as he’s dying.

Rather than go based on overall theme, this scene is best done line by line (this is using the CY version due to limited censorship compared to Viz). 

Scene 1: Volume 17, Chapters 208-210

(Norman is dangling Ruby off the roof of a building by his collar. There are sharp rocks at the bottom)

Ruby: Re… release me…! Norman: Insolent brat!! Is that how you talk to your father?!

To start, Norman uses tone policing and deflection. He focuses on the fact that Ruby is “talking back” to him and making demands of his father, which doesn’t acknowledge Ruby’s request or the fact that Ruby is being dangling over the roof of a building. Also note that this is the first time the words are bolded and that they stay this way throughout the fight— Norman verbally escalates the fight. Norman is abusing his position of power over Ruby in order to excuse his actions and pass the blame back to his son.

Ruby: I don’t care how furious you are with me… I’m ready for it!

(Norman decks Ruby down a flight of stairs)

Norman: Why did you run away from home?!

Note once again that Norman is implied to start raising his voice first even when Ruby isn’t. There’s another deflection here: Norman changes the subject rather than actively respond to anything Ruby says.

Norman: Well? Say something! You’d better voice your complaints right now!!

(Ruby has a conversation with the Swimmer, who advises him to apologize to avoid his father’s rage and “just go home” which… fuck you Swimmer Jack. I’m skipping that part of the dialogue bc it isn’t that important).

(While Ruby is debating what to do, Norman’s Slaking lifts the stairs that Ruby is on and tries to fling him into next Tuesday).

Ruby is physically prevented from escaping by being dangled above Norman. I shouldn’t have to tell why physically preventing someone from leaving an argument is a bad thing.

(Ruby decides to fight Norman)

Note that Norman is physically and emotionally forcing Ruby into two possible options: Fight or be obedient. He is preventing Ruby from running and deflecting Ruby’s attempts to explain himself. He then shifts the blame to Ruby *again*, attacking Ruby and his pokemon with full force and implying it was Ruby who instigated the conflict in the first place.

Norman: … so you wish to fight me? … Iron Tail and Hyper Beam… I was the one who taught you those attacks. There’s nothing about your attacks and strategies I don’t know about. You’re just wasting your time! Give up!

Here, Norman does two things: he stresses Ruby’s dependence on him and his power over Ruby. It’s a typical “your success is dependent on me” and a “there is no option except obedience” rhetoric, and is likewise typical of abusers. Norman is stressing the things Norman has gifted to Ruby (battling knowledge) and using whatever he can to force Ruby to do what he wants— he’s exerting his control.

(Ruby turns the tide of the battle, so Norman likewise switches tactics by attacking Ruby himself and attempting to hit him with a staircase. Ruby falls down the stairs and is dangling over a pit of spikes when Norman stands on the edge, blocking Ruby’s only escape route).

Norman: Now will you come quietly? Stop being so stubborn

Not only is Norman forcing his son to choose between obedience and Literal Death, he also shifts the blame again. He excuses his own actions by claiming it is Ruby’s stubbornness that forced him into this position. He deflects the whole “putting my 11 year old in harm’s way” by claiming Ruby’s own resistance to Norman’s violence is the trigger for the violence itself. It doesn’t make sense, but it’s victim-blaming nonetheless and sadly, it works

(Flashback time: Norman admits he was going to give Ruby permission to participate in contests and gets emo about it. They fall, but Norman catches Ruby. This doesn’t matter though, because they both end up falling and Ruby uses his running shoes to save them both).

Ruby: (thinking) Ru- running shoes… my birthday present from dad… saved both… our lives

Ruby displays pretty typical abuse victim behavior here, focusing not on Norman’s 3 threats to literally kill him but instead on the One Good Thing Norman did. He doesn’t mention that it was Ruby himself who saved them both or that Norman was the one who put them in danger in the first place— he’s in total denial about the severity of everything that happened.

(At this point, Norman looms above Ruby with an angry expression and a raised pokeball. Bystanders panic because it appears that Norman is going to attack Ruby who, by the way, is unconscious on the ground, but Norman gets a surprise call from Winona and turns away after realizing that Winona can see him).

“I only stopped attacking my son when I realized people were watching”… alright fuck off then Norman

Norman: HEY!! Idiot son! You disobeyed your parents, then you ran away from home. I’ve had enough! Just do what you want! In return, you’d better accomplish your goals!! A man should complete what he has set out to do… … before he can return home!!

Hoo boy. Norman never apologizes, deflects all the blame onto Ruby, insults him twice, and then tries to save face with Winona and the people around him by giving Ruby permission to do contests— which he was apparently planning to do all along. He emphasizes the things Ruby did in response to Norman’s actions (Ruby ran away from home because he knew his dad would be unsupportive and gets violent during disagreements, so in essence Norman is to blame for backing him into a corner). Norman twists the narrative in order to make Ruby the instigator in every case, justifying Norman’s responses as reactions to Ruby’s problematic behavior

Swimmer Jack: Isn’t that a wonderful father? Ruby: Thank you… father.

Ok first of all Jack is a dumbass, so jot that down. Second of all, while it’s unintentional, Ruby is being gaslit to hell and back. It is only after Norman’s omission of all the abusive behavior and bystanders’ affirmation of Norman’s love that Ruby starts to think positively towards his father. The threat Ruby used to think was so large has been downplayed and outright denied by the people around him, so Ruby’s prior fear of Norman diminishes. Ruby’s fear of Norman and the violence Norman took against him is denied, downplayed, and ignored, so Ruby begins to doubt his own animosity towards his father. Thanks Swimmer Jack you unintentionally gaslit an 11 year old.

SCENE 2: (this one is much shorter, thank god)

(Norman, while he is dying, explains the whole deal with how he was ordered to search for Rayquaza yada yada. Throughout the exchange, Ruby gets increasingly upset).

Ruby: (thinking) barred from the test and forced to search for Rayquaza… It must be some kind of punishment! What could Dad have done to warrant such… why was he made responsible… ?!

Ruby: … … but… come to think of it, dad is not someone who makes mistakes easily… something’s not right!

Slight aside, Ruby has been so convinced of his father’s power by others that he is unwilling to even CONSIDER that his dad fucked up, which… wow!

Ruby: That day… Dad must have taken the rap for someone else… and… (flashbacks to Salamence Incident) that person… was….

Ruby: (out loud) … me?! That person who set Rayquaza free… was it me…?!

Norman: Yes.

And then he dies!

(Technically he says “oh I did all that out of love” (paraphrased) and then dies but it’s just a continuation of the previous thing).

Norman, before dying, does not say “I’m proud of you” or “I’m sorry for everything” or anything remotely comforting, instead he says “hey Ruby, you’re responsible for my death and all your childhood trauma alongside your friend’s. Peace.” (this is paraphrased).

Even on his actual deathbed, Norman places the blame on Ruby for Norman’s own actions. He makes Ruby feel guilty for Norman leaving, Norman hiding information from him, and Ruby’s tumultuous childhood.

CONCLUSION

None of this is to say that Norman doesn’t love Ruby or that Ruby doesn’t love him back— I’m fairly positive the two of them love each other dearly and want the best for each other. However, Norman is a child abuser who reacts violently, instigates violence, and then turns around and denies said violence. He creates a culture of fear among his family, gives Ruby some serious communication issues, and the narrative takes his side. Norman is a child abuser in canon and has a very VERY profound effect on Ruby which has emotional ramifications throughout Ruby’s entire character arc all the way until oras.

TLDR: Normans sucks man

[scarabbai]

Adeptus Fragile! Handle with Care.

Rating: T

Relationships: Ganyu & Xiao | Alatus, Xiao | Alatus & Zhongli, Ganyu & Zhongli, etc.

Fic Summary:

Centuries have passed since the age of the Traveler and their companions, and the immortals of Teyvat—or what’s left of them—have moved on, living modern lives in modern times. The adepti of Liyue are no exception.

But when something rather unexpected happens, their modern life begins to get a little... too modern. One sunny morning, the great Conqueror of Demons, an accomplished senior in the ranks of the Adepti, wakes up and looks at the world with innocent eyes.

“Who am I?”

Archons, someone give poor Ganyu a break...

-

Chapter 1:

In which Xiao wakes up

AO3 Link

The first thought that comes to him when he wakes up is: Fuck, my head hurts.

The second one comes after, when he pulls the sheets tighter around himself and buries his face in his pillow with a groan: I don’t want to get up.

The third slams into him just as he’s about to fall back asleep: Wait, where am I?

He bolts upright in bed, shaking the sleep out of his eyes like a wet dog shaking out its fur. He regrets it when it only makes his headache worse, but the fact that he doesn’t recognize any of his surroundings when his eyes do a quick sweep of the room overshadows that.

Alright, this is fine. Everything is fine. Remain calm. Remain calm, uh...

The realization crashes down on him like a wave, leaving him cold and shivering.

He doesn’t even know his own name.

Okay. Okay, you know what? He can do this. He can work with this. First things first: get situated.

He makes a move to get out of bed, but with his legs tangled in the sheets, it ends with him taking a rather ungraceful tumble instead. His face burns with embarrassment when he lands on the floor with a thud, reduced to nothing more than a balled up heap of limbs. Frustrated, he kicks and struggles blindly, but it only gets him more jumbled up. He’s like a cat trying and failing to escape a blanket cocoon.

He huffs. Mortals and their needlessly irritating fabrics...

Wait, what? Where did that come from? He scrunches up his face in confusion, puzzled by his own thoughts.

Thankfully, he doesn’t need to think much more about it when he hears a knock at the door.

“Xiao,” calls a voice from outside the room, and his head snaps toward the sound. Shit, someone’s here. “Xiao, are you alright in there? I heard a loud noise.”

He doesn’t respond, not trusting his own ability to speak. What should he say? What should he do? And why is that voice, of all things, so familiar? It’s comforting, despite having no idea who it belongs to.

The knocking comes again, more insistent this time. “Xiao,” the voice repeats, firmer but concerned. “If you don’t say anything, I’m coming in!”

He struggles harder in response, but his awkward flailing gets him nowhere. He slumps in defeat. Apparently, this is his life. Whoever he is, bested by a very long and very tangled roll of cloth.

When the door opens, he freezes. A girl with light blue hair steps into the room. She has a gentle and earnest look to her despite the worry written all over her face, and...

Are those horns on her head?

There must be some kind of next level pathetic expression on his face because when she glances over and sees him looking the way he does on the floor, her first reaction isn’t laughter. Instead, she gasps in horror and rushes over, kneeling down and fretting over him in a way that makes him tense up and abandon the idea of wriggling free. He shrinks away and hides his face from her big, purple-pink-whatever colored eyes—they make him feel guilty, somehow.

“Xiao, what’s going on? What happened?” She reaches out but seems to rethink her decision, pulling her hand back before it can touch him. Is he poisonous or something? “It must be the karmic debt again... I’ll call Zhongli, he’ll know what to do.”

She’s back on her feet almost instantly, but before she can turn and leave, some unknown impulse—fear? Loneliness? Just the need for an explanation?—has him reaching out.

“Wait,” he pleads, and the sound of his own voice surprises him somehow. “Don’t go...”

The words stop her in her tracks. He can’t identify the emotion in her eyes when she slowly leans down again to take in his teary-eyed expression, but he thinks it might be uncertainty. Or suspicion? Maybe it’s just intense focus. He’s not sure what that something is, but he’s pretty sure now that he’s bad at reading people.

With that same look of scrutiny on her face, she cautiously reaches out and places a hand on his forehead. Her skin is cold to the touch, and he fights the urge to flinch away. He’s learning very quickly that he’s unused to physical contact.

Despite this, something inside him relaxes as the coolness spreads from his head to the rest of his body. She’s trustworthy, he decides. He may not know who she is or why her presence is so soothing, but he knows this.

Is she family? She feels like family. He does have a family, right?

A thoughtful—and somewhat displeased—hum breaks him out of his thoughts. Expression blank but eyes curious, he blinks up at her while she puts her hand to her chin and frowns at him. She seems troubled.

“Xiao–” She cuts herself off, worrying her lower lip in uncertainty. Dimly, he realizes she’s been referring to him by that the whole time—Xiao might be his name. “You’re... acting a bit strange this morning. And you came stumbling home last night, and you went to sleep when you never do, and...”

She sighs. Heavily. She sounds so distressed it makes him feel a bit sick in solidarity.

“I don’t mean to pry or overstep, but...” She pauses, unsure, and that inexplicable feeling of guilt returns to him in her brief silence. “Are you alright? I think there might be something wrong...” A look of alarm crosses her face, and she quickly backpedals. “Not with you, of course! I’m just saying...” She fidgets a little, but when she meets his eyes this time, her resolve seems stronger. “I’m just saying if you’ve gotten into any trouble, you can tell me. I’ll do my best to help, wherever I can. It’s the least I could do.”

He stares at her in response. She stares back, wilting a little.

Definitely family, he concludes. A doting older sister, perhaps.

Awkwardly, he realizes her silence means he should answer her somehow, but instead of replying with something intelligent or actually explaining himself, all his stupid mouth blurts is, “Good morning. Are you my big sister?”

He immediately wants to bury himself.

While she balks, caught off guard by his clearly uncharacteristic statement, he panics. More foolish nonsense spills out of his mouth, and between her confused spluttering and his inability to form proper words, their attempted conversation dissolves into an unrecognizable mess of half-formed sounds. It’s as if he isn’t used to speaking or hasn’t spoken in a long time, and this failed speech of his is making up for it.

In the end, none of what they attempted to say was actually comprehensible. He takes one look at the pure confusion—and maybe even a little horror, but he has a hard time telling—written all over her face and knows he has to try again. It appears he’s bad with words as well. Shame and frustration settle in his chest at this discovery.

The first thing he manages to come up with is, “Sorry.” He buries his face in the fabric wrapped around him, feeling small. “I don’t... know what’s happening,” he admits, and he hopes the note of fear in his voice is muffled. “I don’t remember anything. I don’t know who you are.” His eyes sting with tears. Suddenly, he feels pathetic. “I don’t even know who I am...”

Saying it out loud breaks something inside him—it all feels so much more real now, and he‘s so confused, so lost. What is he supposed to do? Who was he? Why did this happen? Frantic thoughts swell like rising water within him, and he sobs, drowning. He doesn’t know. He just doesn’t know.

The question that says it all falls from his lips like tears:

“Who am I?”

- - -

Oh, this is bad. This is really, really bad.

She doesn’t know what she expected from this morning, but it certainly wasn’t this. It certainly wasn’t waking up to find Xiao—whom she greatly respects—in... whatever state it is he’s in.

He had called her big sister. Her! The big sister! The sheer disbelief she felt at those words—if anything, Xiao is the senior. His rank in adeptal affairs is higher than hers despite their ages, and their interactions have always reflected this. And if that wasn’t jarring enough, what he revealed next sent her reeling.

No memories. None at all. Can you believe that? The Conqueror of Demons with sudden amnesia? What is this? What has her life come to?

She realizes, belatedly, that Xiao is crying. He’s crying right now in front of her when he had never once showed an ounce of vulnerability before her in the past, and the sight is shocking.

Well, no time to lose. She has to do something, even if she’s not sure what exactly it is she should do.

Swallowing down her nerves, she tries to sound as gentle and reassuring as possible when she shushes him and murmurs, soothingly, “It’ll be alright, Xiao, it’ll be alright... You’ll be okay.”

As she says this, she awkwardly reaches down and—the act kills her a little inside—pats Xiao lightly on the head. Despite his sobbing, he calms slightly. That alone is enough to make her nerves fade just a little, and she takes the opportunity to help him out of the blanket bundle he’s gotten himself into. With careful hands, she unwraps the sheets tangled around his body, peeling away layer after layer until he goes from sad spring roll to just Xiao.

As she pulls back to assess her handiwork, it really strikes her how... small Xiao is.

He hasn’t gotten any shorter or thinner, his facial features are unchanged, and overall he looks the same as he did yesterday, but the way he holds himself now makes all the difference. His emotions are out in the open as he wipes at his tears, his heart unburdened by memory, his eyes innocent. Without the millenniums of suffering and coldness that defined him, he feels so young.

He’s just a boy, she thinks as she pulls him into a hug. He resists at first but settles into the embrace soon after, resting his chin on her shoulder. Mindful of the way he shakes with quieting sniffles, she rubs little circles into his back. The action seems to soothe him.

Ganyu considers the situation. This is okay, actually. This is alright. Zhongli-dàrén will help her figure out what has happened to Xiao when they go to him, but she can handle this for now. She can manage this.

Responsibility is a self assigned fate that has always fit her like a glove, and this is just another to add to her list of duties. Surely it won’t be that hard to look after her new little brother?

“Your name is Xiao,” she begins, voice soft. “I’m Ganyu.”

She feels rather than sees the nod Xiao gives in response. It makes her smile as she pets his hair.

“And you’re right, Xiao-dìdì. I’m your big sister, and I’ll take care of you.”

[accio-lo-ki]

an attempt on ranking harry styles’ entire discography

this was hard. 

-

from the dining table - his most raw and vulnerable musically and lyrically; paints a straightforward, clear picture and uses repetitive lines to effectively emphasize honest emotions; fave lines: “even my phone misses your call by the way” and “comfortable silence is so overrated”

meet me in the hallway - baseline trumps all his songs in my honest opinion; almost goes hand in hand with from the dining table, which is fitting given as this song opens the album and that song closes it; musically and melodically one of his best and most unique; fave lines: “we don’t talk about it / it’s something we don’t do / but once you go without it, nothing else will do”

fine line - i remember in vivid detail the first time i really processed and listened to this song; i was in the shower and it came on shuffle, and i was so shocked that it was harry styles i was listening to because i had never thought that he would do this kind of folk-indie sound that i admit i was a fan of. made me cry. lyrically on of his best and the build up in the production is amazing. fave lines: “put a price on emotion / i’m looking for something to buy / you’ve got my devotion, but man i can hate you sometimes”

golden - one of the best from fine line; the contrast between the upbeat melody and the melancholic lyrics is amazing; i’m especially fond of the repetition of the line “i don’t want to be alone,” i feel like it sends the desperation and fear across clearly and subtly; fave lines: “i know you were way too bright for me” ; “i know that you’re scared because i’m so open”

sign of the times - i will never get over how this man chose a six minute rock ballad as his debut single and called it “playing safe.” this song is easily a classic and i can see it transcending time akin to bohemian rhapsody and the like. fave lines: “you can’t bribe the door on your way to the sky”

to be so lonely - easily the best musically in fine line; the guitarlele is such an edge and the melody is outstandingly complex; plays with his self-deprecation perfectly the way he failed to do in falling. fave lines: “i’m just an arrogant son of a bitch who can’t admit when he’s sorry”

adore you - literal pop perfection in terms of production and musicality; putting a (albeit simple and basic) guitar solo in the bridge of a pure pop song is refreshing and brave; lyrically simple but the overall song makes up for it. also hints at his self-deprecation which i always like. fave lines: “you don’t have to say you love me / you don’t have to say nothing / you don’t have to say you’re mine”

only angel - there’s something about this kind of style that brings out the best in harry’s voice. the nearly one minute choir intro is simply deranged and perfect. a lot of strong lyrical points. fave lines: “i’m still the only one who’s been in love with me” ; “broke a finger knocking on your bedroom floor / i got splinters in my knuckles crawling across the floor” ; “i must admit i thought i’d like to make you mine / as i went about my business through the warning signs”

lights up - musically one of his most unique; the combination of modern and traditional sounds in the production is very well done; his tone of voice in this is also very unique. fave lines: “lights up and they know who you are / know who you are / do you know who you are?”

watermelon sugar - perfect mix of mainstream bait and still being a really good song; production is amazing and the hype is well-deserved. fave line: “getting washed away in you”

kiwi - the perfect tour song; a lot of good lyrical points; the bridge is amazing; this song really brings out his vocal abilities. fave lines: “such a pretty face on a pretty neck” ; “it’s new york, baby, always jacked up / holland tunnel for a nose, it’s always backed up” ; “she sits beside me like a silhouette / hard candy dripping on me ‘till my feet are wet”

cherry - not quite as raw and vulnerable as from the dining table, but lyrically still honest and paints a really clear picture. minus points for the generic lyrics/ rhymes in the chorus but the great verses make up for it. the build up in the production is once again amazing. fave lines: “i confess / i can tell that you were at your best / i’m selfish so i’m hating it” ; “i noticed / there’s a piece of you in how i dress / take it as a compliment”

she - a nice attempt at an omniscient voice; superior vocals in the chorus; the guitar solo is once again basic (not in a bad way) yet hits so hard. i’m always a fan of specific place or time in the lyrics as it makes the song seem much more real. fave lines: “sends his assistant for coffee in the afternoon / around 1’32 / like he knows what to do”

sunflower, vol. 6 - the production in fine line hits its peak in this song; there’s a lot going on but it somehow works. lyrically underrated. fave lines: “my eyes want you more than a melody” ; “i couldn’t want you anymore / kiss in the kitchen like it’s a dance floor” ; “tired eyes are the death of me / mouthful of toothpaste / before i got to know you” ; “i’ve got your face / hung up high in the gallery” ; “your flowers just died / plant new seeds in the melody”

treat people with kindness - the chorus grows on you, but it’s really the melody and his vocal in the verses that sell this song. not for everyone. fave lines: “all we ever want is automatic all the time / all we ever want is auto all of the time”

carolina - another vocal highlight; the verses are better than the chorus. fave lines: “there’s not a drink that i think could sink her”

canyon moon - musically could be better, but the lyrics are outstanding. a nice attempt at a more poetic, lyric-focused song. fave lines: “quick pause in conversation / she plays songs i’ve never heard / an old lover’s hippie music / pretends not to know the words"

woman - his vocals and the production in this is what makes it work. it’s not a bad song–it’s really good actually–but it just doesn’t stand out in his discography. fave lines: “this thing upon me howls like a beast / you flower, you feast”

sweet creature - this is also a very good song, but compared to his discography, it’s apparent that he still wasn’t that comfortable and is still finding his own sound when making this. takes a lot of inspiration from the beatles’ blackbird. this just doesn’t scream “harry styles’ song”; it could easily have been another artist’s. fave lines: “i always think about you and how we don’t speak enough”

two ghosts - another one where it’s a good song but it doesn’t have his signature style yet. also, if there’s any song in hs1 where he’s definitely playing it safe, this is one of those. has great lyrical moments. fave lines: “tastes so sweet, looks so real / sounds like something that i used to feel / but i can’t touch what i see” and “this was all we used to need”

ever since new york - another good song that just doesn’t stand out. the dynamics are better live than in the studio version. fave lines: “choose your words cause there’s no antidote for this curse” and “there’s no water inside this swimming pool”

falling - okay. if there’s one harry styles song that i can throw away and pretend doesn’t exist entirely, it would be falling. not that it’s a bad song. it’s alright. but i feel like this song is textbook mainstream bait and it shows, especially when compared to the other songs in fine line / his discography. the first two lines in the verse (I’m in my bed and you’re not here) makes me want to cut my ears off with how generic the lyrics and melody are. i’m sorry. i’m only this harsh because i know that harry is better than that this song and that line. also, going back to vulnerability and self-deprecation, this one tries but just fails to land. the “vulnerabilty” is too in-your-face to feel genuine. again, not a bad song because he doesn’t have any, but this is pretty close. fave lines: “what if i’m someone i don’t want around?"

-

so. agree? disagree? feel free to send me your thoughts!

[elencelebrindal]

What's your ranking for the Bronze Saints?

The very short answer is:

1. Shun

2. Ikki

3. Shiryu

4. Hyoga

5. Seiya

6. All the other ones (aka Jabu, Nachi, Ichi, Ban, Geki, and June).

The long answer is under the cut ‘cause I keep rambling about stuff. Keep in mind: this is a very long post. 

1. Andromeda Shun

(Since I already answered for him, I’ll copy-paste the answer here, so I won’t force you to click on a link to a different post if you haven’t seen that post yet. Same image and everything)

Shun is, in my opinion, the strongest of them all. Yes, even stronger than Ikki.  I see countless people saying that Shun is weak and/or useless just because he doesn’t want to fight or because he calls Ikki for help, and I have one thing to say about that: kindness does not equal weakness. Shun is not weak, he refuses to fight unless he has to.  The most blatant example I can give you of his strength is the fight against Aphrodite, the only battle Shun actively wanted to fight. You can see how dangerous he can be, when he’s willing to put aside his non-belligerent attitude. Shun is merciful, he doesn’t want to resolve everything with violence. This doesn’t mean he’s not one of the deadliest fighters out there, if not the deadliest, given his ability.

Let’s NOT forget Shun was able to hold his ground against Saga, who is said to be one of the most powerful Saints of his generation. He went as far as striking Saga in the Pope’s chamber, he managed to reach him with not that much effort. This is something people often gloss over, but it’s one of the greatest examples out there of Shun’s incredible power.  To fight him, Seiya needed all the help he could get from his companions. Shun, instead, fought by himself, didn’t die or get lost in the Another Dimension, and was able to get his chains near Saga without him being unable to stop the boy.

Most importantly, Shun is depicted as “weak” only in works not written by Kurumada. Non-canon episodes are the only ones in which Shun is not capable of keeping up with the other Saints. This is obviously proof of him being weakened by outside people, and not of him being weak by default.

Another point in his favor it’s the Seventh Sense: he awakened it during the Sanctuary batte, right? Well, wrong. According to his teacher, Shun reached the Seventh Sense way before that. Or at least, the potential of the Seventh Sense.  Shun cannot be considered weak, and shouldn’t be considered weak, because he’s definitely not. Now, as for why I think he’s more powerful than Ikki, to me it’s obvious that he’s stronger than him. Maybe not physically, in fact I don’t think there’s anyone in the Bronzes that physically stronger than Ikki (no, not even Shiryu), but as far as his cosmo goes…  Ikki has the advantage of not dying, Phoenix and whatnot, but Shun has a more powerful cosmo. You can easily see this by taking into consideration the Nebula Storm, a technique so powerful that, if not controlled, reaches a point when it’s impossible to be stopped. This is incredibly destructive, extremely lethal, and Shun uses it without his Cloth.  This is something similar to what Shiryu does, because they both can access their full cosmo without wearing a Cloth, but Shun has a clear advantage: he doesn’t have a weak spot. Where Shiryu could be easily killed if hit in the right place, Shun doesn’t have that weakness. Which, at least in my opinion, makes him better than Shiryu.

The last example I want to give you is the immense plot twist of him being Hades’ host.  Not necessarily the fact that he can withstand the soul of a god binding with his own, but the fact that he was able to get the upper hand against Hades.  If Shun was really as weak as a lot of people want to believe, than explain to me how in the everloving Hell did Shun managed to take back control over his body, keep a hold of Hades to give his brother an opportunity, and accept that he needed to die in order to get rid of the deity.  He didn’t last long, sure, but he was fighting Hades.  Not only that, but not long after being freed from Hades, Shun took back his Cloth, donned it, and fought again like he wasn’t just possessed by a deity. He managed to burn his cosmo enough to “unlock” the Divine Cloth despite having endured Hades’ control over his body and soul. To this day, I’m still annoyed at how easily Hypnos defeated him, taking into account what happened just a few moment before.

This might not be enough to convince other people of Shun’s true potential, but it’s enough for me to believe he’s absolutely the strongest Bronze Saint, and maybe even one of the strongest Saints in general.  Don’t forget that this young man right here can wear the Virgo Cloth. He is the next Virgo Saint, and that’s a given for me. And you know how unbelievably powerful a Saint with that constellation normally is.

 2. Phoenix Ikki

Well, he is canonically placed above most Silver Saints in terms of strength. There’s no denying Ikki is one of the most powerful Saints out there, he’s basically unstoppable. Not only that, he had one huge advantage on his side, his inability to actually die.  Ikki was already strong as a kid, as the story reminds us more than once, physically being the strongest among the orphans, and we all know how he dethroned Jango and took control of Dead Queen Island with almost no effort.  Most notably, he has a unique cosmo; as Kanon stated, when he faced him, it’s full of hatred (which is Guilty’s fault), something weird for a Saint of Athena. This hatred was shown to aid him at first, so much that he used to unleash his cosmo without any second though and with unending rage, so i feel like it’s worth telling.  In his favor there’s also the fact he has a pure warrior attitude. Ikki fights and that’s it, no second guesses, no hesitation. The only time he hesitated was against Hades, because he didn’t want to kill his brother. You can imagine what a behavior like that will bring to a battlefield without me telling you. 

Though, I don’t consider him to be the strongest. In terms of raw power he is terrifying, no questions asked, but he doesn’t reach that level of pure cosmo power that’s able to completely annihilate everything and anything like Shun.  He’s fearsome, of course, and he knows how powerful he is (countless times this self-awareness could be observed). I, on the other hand, consider him to physically be the strongest of them all. Without his cosmo, Ikki would still be able to kick everyone’s ass, I don’t doubt it even for a second.  Even though Shun is the strongest overall, Ikki’s physical strength is unprecedented for a Bronze Saint. No one can tell me otherwise. He blasted too many people into oblivion for me to think otherwise. 

What makes him even more fearsome is the fact that he becomes stronger each time he dies (like a Phoenix, after all), and the fact that he is extremely intelligent. Ikki is capable of using his enemy’s weakness against them with no effort.  On top of everything, his Illusion Demon Fist can easily break his opponent’s mind and gift him a victory without Ikki even moving an inch. It doesn’t work on everyone, of course, but it can be lethal in way more ways than one can imagine. He has a cosmo that’s powerful enough, once he awakened the Seventh Sense, to defeat Shaka in combat. Hell, Shaka was scared of him at that point. He legitimately broke Shaka’s technique. He told him “now you don’t have your senses anymore” and Ikki just went “jokes on you, I don’t care”. 

But! Ikki has his weak points. No one is perfect after all. Not even Shun, and he is at the top of this list.  His Illusion Demon Fist can be used against him. We saw this particular case in action. When this happens, not even Ikki himself can completely break the illusion before falling prey to it. And, as much as his regenerative ability is useful, I can see why it could be a problem. This is more of my analysis for it, but I don’t think dying and coming back to life again and again doesn’t do a number on Ikki’s mental health. 

While Ikki is perfectly capable of dealing both physical damage and psychic damage, I don’t think he should be elevated to strongest Bronze Saint ever. Unlike his brother, whose cosmo can expand infinitely (even if at the cost of his life), Ikki has his limits. 

 3. Dragon Shiryu

The main reason I don’t see him and Hyoga as equals (I used to, not anymore) it’s the fact that I realized Shiryu can make you explode into space with ease. And the fact that, physically, he’s stronger than Hyoga. 

Let’s be objective here. Shiryu is one of the very few Saints that are capable to unleash their full potential without wearing a Cloth. This is a huge advantage he has in battle because, if an enemy tries to strip his armor off, Shiryu can still fight. In fact, he not only can still fight, but he can fight with even more power on his side. He is more vulnerable, but without his Cloth Shiryu remains absolutely lethal and should not be underestimated. This, paired with his intelligence and fast thinking skills, makes an excellent fighter in almost any situation.

Let’s also not forget how he was able to learn Dohko’s technique, the Rozan Hyaku Ryū Ha, while being blind. He was showed that technique only once, and he couldn’t even witness it, but he was able to learn it and use it perfectly.

He has an incredible determination and this, alongside his cosmo and physical strength, helps him fight without giving up. Shiryu managed to defeat a Silver Saint that was basically impossible to defeat by enduring the psychological weight of blinding himself, more that the physical pain associated with such an act. Don’t forget this. He defeated a Silver Saint while being blind and in horrific pain. He did the same against Krishna. In this case, we’re talking about a Marina General. A warrior as strong as a Gold Saint. Shiryu not only managed to master Excalibur while fighting against him, but got rid of Krishna while enduring the pain of being blinded – again – by a technique that was definitely more painful than it looked.

And can we talk about Deathmask? Because Shiryu was powerful enough to make a Gold Cloth finally take the decision of yeeting away from Deathmask’s unworthy body. His anger terrified a Gold Saint, and he awakened his Seventh Sense so hard that he regained his vision. He was helped with that, yeah, but can we recognize how powerful Shiryu was during that particular scene? To me, that thing was more impressive than what he did against Shura. It was raw power fueled by anger, a power he could unleash without effort. A power he can survive, opposite to the Rozan Kō Ryū Ha.

Obviously, being able to just shoot yourself in space while bringing someone else with you is equally impressive, but Shiryu has enough raw power in him cosmo to destroy a Gold Saint without having to sacrifice himself. If this is not a proof of his power, I don’t know what would be.

The honorable mention of him being able to don the Libra Gold Cloth at a very early stage has to be said.

He has, however, a significant weakness. A weak point, really. Even though he’s able to fight in any condition, with and without his Cloth, Shiryu has an unfortunate weakness that can be lethal to him with little to no effort. Obviously, I’m talking about his literal weak point, the claw of the dragon. His heart. A simple blow there could kill him almost instantly. Just a punch, really, and he kicks the bucket. Unless, of course, he has the extreme luck of being punched there by someone who’s not his enemy and can bring him back to life with a similar hit. Which, for extremely obvious reasons, is not likely to happen during a real battle. His Cloth provides him enough protection to fight without worrying about it, but as we know Shiryu mostly fights while not wearing it. And, even if he’s careful in hiding his weak point, it’s not that difficult to hit him there at any point, all the enemy needs is a minor distraction.

 4. Cygnus Hyoga

Here we have a man that, canonically speaking, surpassed his own master. A Gold Saint, to be precise. Is a matter of fact that Hyoga is powerful, this is not something you can glide on. This man mastered the absolute zero by using a technique he never used before, while being presumably as weak as he could be and in agonizing pain, seeing the fight he just had.

Impressive, to say the least.

What makes me put Hyoga after Shiryu, besides what I already told you above, is the same weakness Camus always brings up when confronting him. The same weakness Isaac brought up when confronting him. Something that makes Hyoga reckless and way too emotional during a fight. Despite this being a positive trait, because caring about family and loved ones is not something negative, it’s still a problem that presented itself in Hyoga’s case. Being too emotional is dangerous, and we saw this danger in action when Hyoga ended up being frozen by Camus because he couldn’t fight with a lucid state of mind. Opposite to Shiryu, who used his emotions to actually be more efficient, Hyoga couldn’t control them and ultimately lost.

This particular thing, even if not directly linked to his cosmo or to his physical strength, is a variable that should not be ignored.

 Of course, Hyoga became more and more powerful, but we only got to see his true power when he finally left behind all his emotions. Well, the ones that were limiting him, at least. 

And this gave us the Saint that, with ease, reached the level of his master and then surpassed it.

Hyoga is able to use his cosmo with efficiency, and can withstand the psychological weight of having to fight his loved ones over and over. This, as awful as it sounds, is useful in battle and gave him an incredible victory over Isaac. And let’s not forget, he could wear the Aquarius Gold Cloth and endure its power. Much like Shiryu and Seiya, Hyoga had no problem wearing that and using it to fight. His cosmo was powerful enough for him to be comfortable with it.

He also had enough power to face a Judge without too many repercussions. Sure, he got beaten up, but how many Bronze Saints can say to have fought a Judge of the Underworld, have slowed him down, and have survived to tell the tale?

At the end of the day, Hyoga got rid of most of his weakness. He still cares about his loved ones, but it’s not as much of a hindrance as it was before. But, and this is important, he still fails sometimes because of it. The best example is him falling for Kaysa’s trick, despite Hyoga fully knowing Camus was dead. His loving personality can get in the way, and it’s something more dangerous than having a physical weak point, because the mind can be manipulated easily in this world. Just look at how difficult was for him, in one of the movies, when he had to confront the illusion of his mother. He succeeded, but still almost failed.

Hyoga is powerful, but had an easily influenceable mind.

  5. Pegasus Seiya

(Since I already answered for him, I’ll copy-paste the answer here, so I won’t force you to click on a link to a different post if you haven’t seen that post yet. Same image and everything)

Seiya is… not as powerful as his protagonist status wants us to believe. I’m not doubting his abilities, because he is a Saint after all and he is skilled, but he’s by far the weakest as far as cosmo and physical strength go.  Most of his exploits are made because of his “immense determination” and “good heart”. It’s almost never a believable (believable in Saint Seiya) reason that leads him to victory.  He’s not necessarily weak, because he’s not, but he’s the least powerful of all the main Bronze Saints. Obviously he’s better than the secondary ones, because plot and everything, but he’s not on the same level as his companions.  Most of his victories were attained because he had help, either from Athena or from his fellow Bronzes.  Like I said before, Seiya couldn’t face Saga on his own. He needed the help of four other Saints in order to be on his level. I will be fair, and say that he was able to endure a lot on his own, but what he by himself still wasn’t enough to win.  

He had his fair share of deserved victories, of course, but some of those were so heavily helped by other people’s intervention it doesn’t even feel like Seiya actually did something on his own.  I’m not counting in this the fights he won fair and square, like the one against Aldebaran (sure, he had his annoying moment of “let’s daydream”, but he did win by himself), or the one against Thor. Hell, I’m perfectly okay with him winning against Thanatos.  But there’s countless other moments in which he needed someone’s help or something to his advantage.  For example, the first fight against Shiryu: Seiya won because he was able to spot and hit Shiryu’s weak spot, but he was being devastated before that. Even after tricking Shiryu in shattering his own shield (brilliant move, Marin taught him well), Seiya didn’t have the upper hand.  Against Ikki, Seiya needed the help from all his companions to actually defeat him.  When he reached the stairs leading to the Pope’s chamber, Seiya got easily overwhelmed by Aphrodite’s roses, while Marin (who gave him her mask) didn’t suffer as much from that poison. Against Saga, Seiya was able to use his protagonist bullshit to win because “a Saint fight with his heart!”, but when being faced with the real fight he needed some help. I’m not saying Seiya didn’t have the potential to resist Saga’s technique, like Ikki did when facing Shaka, but it was used in such a way it didn’t look like something coming from his own strength. 

This happens way more in the series, from classic to Hades, and in the movies as well. Seiya is celebrated as this powerful Saint capable of defeating even the gods, but in reality he mostly relied on someone else’s help to achieve victory. 

Physically, it’s painfully obvious that he’s not strong. He is as strong as a normal Saint would be, but not more than the average warrior. He easily prevails only on opponents that are visibly weaker than him, like Cassios (who didn’t have the slightest trace of cosmo), and has a hard time against opponents that are on his level.  It also took a long time for him to understand how to fight Aiolia, but he only managed a couple good hits before being overwhelmed again. He has it even worse in the CGI movie, where Aiolia literally brushes off his attacks like they’re nothing. 

Some might argue that his cosmo his not that weak, because he’s able to wear not only a Gold Cloth, but a Divine Cloth as well. And I say to you: I’m not saying he’s that weak. What I’m saying is: Seiya has potential, but not as much as we’re led to believe.  Seiya heavily relies on the Gold Cloth when he wears it, instead of relying more on his own cosmo. He does the same with the Divine Cloth. 

Compared to his companions, Seiya is relatively weak. Where Hyoga managed to become more powerful than his own teacher (a Gold Saint) and learned both of his techniques, Seiya relied on the Cloth itself to help him with his cosmo. Where Shiryu is able to fight effortlessly without wearing his Cloth, Seiya seems to be unable to do anything if he’s not wearing it. Where Ikki seems to have mastered his cosmo, Seiya still doesn’t know how to fully use it.

He always needs protection, he needs Athena to use her cosmo for him or to reassure him, he always ends up being the only one last standing because other people put their lives on the line for him.  The Hades arc is what described him best: a kid that doesn’t know how to face people bigger than him. Even the fight against Valentine wasn’t his own victory, because Athena helped him from afar. It’s so easy to defeat him, like we saw when Rhadamanthys effortlessly got rid of Seiya. Which, in retrospect, completely erased what Seiya managed to do when fighting him for the first time. 

I’m aware I’m known for my… well, not hate but strong dislike for Seiya. I won’t blame you if you think I put him so low because I’m biased.  But this is my opinion for that, and I’m keeping it. 

[yeocult]

ateez film diary analysis

ok i am currently typing with tears in my eyes but that’s cool!!!! gonna talk about ateez diary film for a moment. btw if you’re here for theories, this might not be for you, my brain is not capable of that critical thinking lmao. although, i will be rambling/analyzing the cinematography and overall admiring the film!! under the cut because this happened to be 1.5k words oops.

man, first of all, 16 minutes?? thank you for the food kq!! i think their concept is super cool. it’s unpredictable, refreshing, and just gives me a lot of high hopes for this comeback. ateez never disappoints, they come back each time stronger and better.

“this is the story where their dimensions are split into eight pieces again.” that kinds hurt me. throughout the film we see clips of them being happy and joyful with each other, but we also see scenes where they’re all alone. they didn’t get separated by losing contacts or whatever, literally dimensions.

phew okay, when the man with the black fedora approaching hongjoong like that was soooo dskjdj ugh i love it when they have a bright light in the back, capturing the silhouette perfectly. sorry i’m such a sucker for those types of shoots!! now hongjoong’s dream. “the world inside a television cannot be reached. the world they live in and the world that i live in is blocked.” yea.. they’re separated from dimensions. isn’t that so heartbreaking?? separated by time and space. 

um this might be a huge stretch, plus i’m horrible at science. i’ve read a lot of articles on where, ‘if time stopped would gravity still apply?’ and i thought of this because of the items floating up around hongjoong. without time, gravity, acceleration, speed and force are simply meaningless, so i guess that’s why it’s floating? as if we’re going back in time. there’s a lot of consequences and weird things on going back in time/time travelling (most famously the ‘bootstrap paradox’) because time is not an object and cannot ‘go’ anywhere at all, not forward, not backward, nor can it stop. so i expected some not so happy events to occur.

anyways moving on to seonghwa’s memory. i loved this. “i thought i lacked in many areas and have much to learn.” then we see a bunch of to-do lists and i guess they’re kinda like goals to accomplish or things he wants to learn. the somewhat long shot of him sitting on this table and the camera moving away from him gave me a sense of isolation (i also don’t know why yeo in the smn box is on the tv but it could mean he’s trapped). we also see him walking straight, kinda like following a straightforward path with a lot of control, hence the to-do lists. then he hits stops. now the girl is the total opposite of seonghwa. she’s dancing, moving, and overall carefree i would say. everything seonghwa is lacking. she’s freedom. i don’t have much to say about this scene but i really like how when he was walking one step at a time, it was completely dark. but as soon as it hits stops and sees her, there were lights.

now my favourite, wooyoung’s choice. that transition to seonghwa’s little emo time to wooyoung’s hyped underground music and dancing was the serotonin boost i needed. let’s talk about his ponytail because it made me a whole simp for him. plus he’s so fucking cool?? if i become a wooyoung biased soon, you know why. he talks about stage fright and the scene where people were looking down at the camera was perfect, low camera shots show dominance or superiority. when you have stage fright, you’re worried and insecure about your abilities (at least that’s how i feel) and with people look down at you is almost like they’re judging and aren’t expecting much from you. ateez brings him courage and reassurance, they give him strength. the last scene with the rain and the flickering light so chilling. its almost like the rain washed away his everything.

yeosang’s time giving me slight dark academia vibes and i’m here for it!!! also bird metaphors?? yes please! “limited freedom. like a bird in a cage.” we see yeosang in a room surrounded by other musicians but he isn’t playing his instrument. almost like he doesn’t wanna be there or has no real passion for this field. hence him talking about ‘expanding his dreams’. we get a close shot at his face looking forward to the right, i feel as if he’s daydreaming or reaching out. taking back to say my name, we have yeosang trapped inside that box, almost like the birds with limited freedom. he drops his violin and suddenly the birds (they symbolize peace, transformation, freedom and power) are free, giving us a scene with his friends. he’s free.

san’s resolution might just be my favourite in terms of cinematography. can we just talk about the long amount of time san has the stay put for the timelapse to work?? the scene wins my heart. now we see the classroom in a mess, meaning school was never enjoyable to san. always moving and no friends. the way he’s moving seems like there’s not much he can do in his life. the escalator scenes kinda look like the one in wonderland. time is always moving, the escalator moving, and san runs back up despite it moving in the opposite direction. im not sure where i was going with this but i thought i was kinda cool, how he’s running back up to be with his friends.

next, we have yunho and his brother. in a matter of seconds, all the light in the studio flicker and turns off. this is quite similar to the flicker lights in wooyoung’s last scene. there’s a pattern here with flickering lights and how it means lost and loneliness. we don’t know what 5:07 mean, maybe its completely relevant but knowing kq and their team, almost everything seems intentional. also i saw on twt (not my analysis) but seonghwa’s to-do list includes a task of learning how to drive, then we get yunho getting hit by a car. not sure where i got from this but i thought i would include it.

actor jongho!!!! he’s so good i love him. ok so we get that basketball was his dreams but due to his broken leg, it seems impossible for him to pursue that dream. we him sitting at a distance, admiring the game and the people who are able to play. but when he’s in the court, he’s all alone (might just be because he can’t go in court when other people are playing but just let me be deep for a second oki). the burning basketball means he cannot play again. then the fight scene between him and mingi. i want to talk about the camera work for a second. it’s unstable, harsh and a little unfocused (because it’s handheld) and it makes it seem like another member’s pov, pushing the realism on us. hmm this might be kinda dumb but the loud bang when mingi got pushed was a little unexpected hence every scene with the boys was all very calm and had music in the back, no sounds. idk just a noticed. ohmygod another silhouette scene with beautiful lighting in the back!!!! the camera is moving away from him, moving away shows weakness. i loveee this so much along with the smoke. his dreams are burning up, literally.

last we have mingi’s diary. “earphones in my ears, the world is mine for now.” again, similar to seonghwa in the dark walking, mingi is isolating himself from the world. he’s using music to escape from reality. mingi looks trapped by the way its shot, cutting off his forehead and lips only showcasing his eyes and nose. this could be his facial features are more important than anything else right now. the camera angle is below mingi, again with the dominance and superiority… because he literally kicked someone. but still the same camera angle except this time mingi is looking up at the sky or forward, not looking down. with that, mingi no longer looks intimidating, he seems slightly vulnerable. and i think that’s really powerful how quickly he transitions despite the same angle. so we know mingi uses music as an escape, “i would rather be alone than encounter the world.” then we see yeosang (by his flannel) taking off his earphones. bringing him back to reality with the boys, and everything seems a lot more peaceful. its kinda like, without his friends, he would rather be isolated. now i want to point how the loud bang from jongho’s shot. it’s literally the same shot but the noise isn’t there indicating that mingi has earphones in (i think even when they’re not literally in, he still shuts out noise), shutting off the noise. i think the little details were so well done. we also get a match cut of mingi blinking, back to the darkness. i think it shows how quickly things can be taken away from you.

MAN THE SCENE WHERE THEY ALL GATHER TOWARDS HONGJOONG JAKJDSJKSDJKSD I CANNOT BREATHE IT GAVE ME SO MUCH CHILLS MYGODDOO !!!!!! like that scene in say my name. gotta love the build up of the song then it drops when the members all show up UGH I LOVED THAT SOO MUCH!! “the memories of short happiness. and dreams broken into pieces” brb gonna cry. the hourglass is finished,, what does this mean? ;o also i cant help but to notice the lighting on how one side is dark and the other has light. this could just be for aesthetics but idkkkk just another notice.

hehe sorry this made no sense,,, anyways that’s all i have to say, i’m so excited for their comeback <33

[gloves94]

To Be So Lonely [Draco Malfoy] 15

Rating: PG-13 Pairings: Draco Malfoy/OC Chapter warnings: None

CHAPTER MASTERLIST MY MASTERLIST

No surprise, Gryffindor had won the House Cup again this year. As always Dumbledore's favoritism never ceased to surprise Slytherin House.

It had been a couple of days since Sirius Black escaped the clutches of the Dementors. She wouldn’t have hesitated in telling on Harry to get Black into her claws again, but then again, she was involved. She’d get into as much trouble if she even croaked about what had happened. Malfoy hadn’t gone to chew off his father’s ear too, so she assumed his thought process was about the same. Professor Lupin had also been missing since that full moon night. Nel was currently on way to visit him in his office since he had been back for a couple of days. She had to discuss whatever - She flashed back to the sinister birds that emitted from the tip of her wand that same night. The horrible feeling that they brought; how cold they made the air feel – her Corrupted Patronus or those things were…

The door to Lupin’s office was open. She peered in wondering if he was inside and saw him standing over a battered suitcase packing what looked like to be the last of his books. His entire office had been swept clean out of any and all of his belongings.

“Ah, Elowen,” He said without turning around with his back to her. She jumped a little started at his acknowledgement of her presence. He finally turned and smiled at her through haggard eyes. His face and exposed skin all branded by new cuts and scars. She was unable to disguise her shock at the professor’s injured appearance.

“I’ve looked worse, believe me,” he half smiled at her shock.

The desk drawers were all open, the bookshelves bare. Was he leaving?

“You’re leaving?” She wondered out loud. Her heart beginning to drop.

“I’ve resigned actually,” he said flicking his wand and shutting his suitcase close.

“But- you can’t leave!” She protested. “Resigned? Why? You’re the best Defense Against the Dark Arts professor we’ve ever had!” She fully stepped into the office. Lupin couldn’t leave. He was one of the few professors she actually enjoyed spending time with. He was kind, he actually cared, or at least he seemed to…

Lupin took in a deep breath and sighed sounding drained. He pondered for a moment if he should reveal what he really was to the student or not. She’d find out in a couple of days regardless.

“I suffer from a very particular condition. A condition which I’m afraid will make parents not want – someone like me – teaching their children.” His gaze lowered to the floor in what Nel interpreted to be shame.

“What do you mean someone like you? So far, we’ve had an idiot and Voldemort as our professors. What on Earth could be worse?” He blinked twice surprise at her mentioning of the Dark Lord’s name so boldly. She hadn’t even noticed that the name had slipped. “I suffer from lycanthropy and it seems someone has let slip the nature of my condition.”

She was struck by his admission and couldn’t help but feel a burdening sense of guilt. All of this time she had misjudged him, she had labeled him as someone who knew nothing about a painful existence when he was actually werewolf. She still remembered the words he had once said to her: "Because like you, I know what it's like to want to be something else." Everything made sense now. His frequent absences that at the time seemed random but weren’t. The scars. How was it that a man living with a condition which would often make victims beg to be dead could be so kind? How could he smile with such ease?

“Who?” She demanded to know. Nostrils flaring eyes becoming glassy. It wasn’t fair. He didn’t have to leave.

“Whomever, it was bound to get out. This time tomorrow owls will be arriving. It’s best if I’m gone before then.”

“I’m so sorry Professor Lupin,” she lowered her head. Lupin wasn’t certain if it was out of reverence or pity or why the student would apologize to him. She didn’t seem like the type to be apologetic. “Can I ask… How…” She paused trying to properly phrase her question. “How do you do it? How do you choose kindness?”

Out of all the things she could’ve asked, he had not been expecting it. Then again, it was specially surprising coming from Nel Saintday, if his assumptions of what or who the girl was were correct-

The professor approached her with his hands in his pockets. Standing before her he placed a hand on her shoulder like perhaps a parent or guardian would. “Choose kindness. Choose love. Choose happiness. Always.” He gave a slight squeeze and patted her arm before stepping back to his belongings. He laughed slightly as if he had remembered something funny, almost like an inside joke. “An old friend once told me we both possess light and darkness inside of us. What matters is the part we choose to act upon.”

She looked at him sadly before stepping out. Right… Just like a Patronus. A guardian that emits light, hers, it drains it from the world. It’s only darkness. She decided it best to keep this detail to herself instead.

“Oh, and Nel?” He stopped her making her turn. “Write to me soon,” again he smiled at her. She couldn’t help but grin back before stepping out. She’d miss him, that’s for sure.

Walking down the stairs of the East Tower she bumped into someone she was not looking forward to seeing.

Harry.

She gave him a cold look before attempting to walk past the messy haired Gryffindor.

“Nel! Hey, wait up,” Harry stepped down and around her halting her step. She scowled at him still upset at what had happened the night that Black ‘escaped’ Hogwarts. She still couldn’t believe that a) Hermione Granger had stunned her b) Harry who was her ‘friend’ had allowed it c) That he was actually able to cast the Patronus Charm while she had casted – whatever that horrifying thing had been…

She was angry at Harry because of what had happened that night, but also because he had let go the only person who had any idea what her origins were.

“Are you alright?” He asked in concern. “I’m sorry about, well, what happened. It’s complicated, but Sirius - I mean Black – it’s not what you think it is. He’s not bad.” Harry attempted to explain to the best of his ability without divulging too much information that could potentially endanger his Godfather.

“Sirius, he said he saved you when you were a baby.”

Nel didn’t want to talk about this. Not with Harry, not with anyone, really. Least of all the person that had cost her getting to the root of this mystery.

“Appears to be so,” She retorted nonchalantly hoping that Harry would get the hint that she didn’t want to converse and move out of the way, but he didn’t. What had Professor Lupin just advised her? To choose kindness… Maybe this could be a start, after all Harry had usually been most unusually kind to her. Feeling a sudden guilt wash over her she decided it best to shove her pride aside and at least attempt to make things right.

“I’m sorry Harry,” She apologized sincerely. “I shouldn’t be resentful of the fact that you can summon a Patronus Charm while I –“ She swallowed her words not even wanting to give a name to that horrible creature that she had summoned.

“You’ll get better at it Nel, I know you will.” He comforted her a little; surprised at the apology he was not expecting. “Are you sure you’re alright? We weren’t expecting Malfoy to come in sweeping in like that. Did he hurt you?” He asked concerned.

“Malfoy?” She repeated in shock. Wait- he had actually stayed behind? She hadn’t really questioned why it was that the blonde was in the Astronomy Tower with her when she came to her senses after the stunning spell. Adding things up it, it made sense now. She then remembered the mortifying fact he had really seen her at her most vulnerable. Salazar’s Beard it was such a degrading thought. She had been avoiding him since, walking out of the room before he could enter it, taking note of where he was standing and steering clear out of his way and vision purposely. She dreaded the thought of him bringing up that night and taunting her with her most intimate insecurities. “N-No. He didn’t do anything,” She compressed her lips into a thin line her thoughts lingering on the memory of the dawn of that day. “About Black,” Harry swerved back to the original topic. “Maybe you could write to him?” He suggested raising an eyebrow at her. Leave it to Harry to come up with such a ridiculous idea.

“How would he get it? He’s an ex-convict living in hiding. I don’t think just any owl will be able to find him.” Certainly not Barberry he wasn’t the brightest owl out there. Harry figured that if Nel knew what he and Hermione had done and was keeping quiet about it and most importantly probably keeping Malfoy from opening his big mouth she could be trustworthy. If any of them croaked the lot would be tossed into Azkaban no questions asked.

“I’ll get it to him for you.”

Her eyes went wide with disbelief. How? Judging by the sly smile on the boy’s face she figured it was better not to push him for questions today. “Really?!” She uncharacteristically beamed and didn’t even realize she threw her arms around the Gryffindor in a surprise hug. Harry stood stiff not being used to being hugged overall, less by girls and least of all by Slytherins. He’d probably never understand how much this meant to her.

“Saintday,” She heard a familiar voice echo the corridor. Nel froze at the cross tone that the familiar voice carried. Looking over her friend’s shoulder she saw Malfoy swashing towards the two of them. She instantly let go of Harry and stepped away from the boy. The girl considered running away and hiding inside of a classroom or broom closet.

Malfoy was now standing before the two of them a displeased look on his pointy features. Harry’s expression was similar as he glared daggers at the blonde Slytherin his body language in offensive mode ready for whatever Malfoy might throw at them. Saintday couldn’t help but remember the weight of his black jacket on her shoulders and how it smelt, how he had actually been more than a gentle man and had consoled her at her worst. Mortified. She felt the blood rush to her face and neck in unflattering red patches.

Harry looked between the two Slytherins oddly. The girl who looked like a deer caught in head lights wore a flustered expression. Malfoy looked at her face intensely but said nothing. Neither did she. Both of their eyes locked on each other’s.

The Gryffindor boy felt an unfamiliar tension fill the space between them. He was debating if he should leave or not when Malfoy’s grey eyes swiftly turned to Potter.

“I was wondering what that terrible smell was,” He wrinkled his nose impolitely as if in disgust. “Should’ve guessed it was just you two orphans,” he spat rudely.

Harry immediately scowled at him, he turned to face his friend who instead seemed relieved?By their tormentors’ crass words. She smirked slightly at him before letting out a haunting “Ha!”

Nel felt as if a weight had been taken off her shoulders. This was a relief. Being like this, acting rude and constantly jabbing at each other just made life, easier overall.

“You think we smell?” She huffed crossing her arms over her chest. “I’d be surprised if you still had any sense of smell,” she waved a hand over her nose dramatically. “I can smell you from a mile away with that tacky lotion you wear! Gives me a headache. What’s the scent supposed to be anyway? Funeral home or cleaning supplies? “

He shot her a glare and walked away bumping her shoulder so hard it almost made her step backward. Both Harry and Nel missed the slightest of smiles that made way to his face. Harry glared at the back of Malfoy’s head as he walked away.

Just like that things were back to normal.

Harry’s eyes bounced between the two Slytherin’s more confused than even. He was even more perplexed by the most peculiar smile Nel Saintday wore.

Xxxxx

The year ended and Nel practically dragged her feet back to Wool’s Orphanage.

Standing outside she looked at the old bricked building with dread. She didn’t know she wouldn’t see the building in years to come as she sucked in a deep breath. Coming back to Wool’s had never been the same since Lucy left. Nel had looked endlessly inside of Wool’s files but had found no record on where Lucy had gone off to or of her adopted family. It was almost as if she had never existed. Part of her suspected the girl had probably taken off and taken to the streets. Wool had erased all records of her to make it seem as if Lucy Bonilla never existed. They would’ve been about the same age now. Elowen would never admit it out loud but she was resentful of the girl, not for leaving Wool’s, but for not taking her along.

Walking in some young kids cheered welcoming her back and jumped on her arms making them lift them up. The owl in the cage cried nervously at the sudden attention. She stopped to great them and was about to make way to the laundry room when Aisha stood in her way.

Like always she was wearing a sickly pink color and her hair in a long braid, dark eyes fixed on her trunk and other school belongings.

“I wouldn’t get too comfortable if I were you,” She scowled at her before turning away.

The brunette simply arched an eyebrow in confusion. She didn’t even have time to question what that statement went when Matron Cordelia Wool stepped out of her office.

“Ah, there you are,” She said a hand on her large hip. “’Bout time you got here.” She opened the door to her pastel pink office that smelt like a bottle of Lysol and nodded her head towards the inside. “Inside. Now.”

Nel stepped in with an irritated expression. She was expecting Wool to pin some terrible disaster like a pipe bursting on her. Or to try and intimidate her by locking her in the Chokey like she used to when she was younger. However, she was surprised when she saw there was another person in the office. Her dark blue fashion strongly contrasting the pale pink backgrounds of the office. The witch standing in the room eyed Nel’s appearance from head to toe. Her baggy washed jeans and oversized grey sweatshirt. She seemed to be mildly horrified at the status of her sneakers. “Elowen,” Wool began to introduce. “This is Ms. –“ She paused, her nose wrinkling in disgust as she signaled towards the dark-haired woman with sharp angled face features. “Ms. Cloelia Lestrange,” The woman with unblinking blue eyes stretched out a hand.

Hesitantly looking at her with suspicious eyes she shook the woman’s frail looking hand. “She’s- your kind,” Wool wrinkled her nose before rounding around her desk and plopping down on her cushioned desk chair. She looked at some papers on the table and assembled them into a thick package which she stacked neatly before putting into a folder.

“The adoption papers are ready, if you would just sign here Ms. Lestrange,” Wool said in an apathetic dead tone.

Shaken by the words Elowen shook her head in disbelief. Fourteen-year-old orphan witches didn’t get adopted just out of the blue by strangers. “Wait- what?” she gaped in disbelief. “I never consented to this adoption!” She gawked incredulously her eyes rapidly darting between Wool and Ms. Lestrange.

Wool’s tired eyes looked past Nel. The dark circles under them giving her a dreadful appearance. Lestrange appeared composed as if she hadn’t heard her opposition. “Court ruled in Lestrange’s favor claiming it was in your best interest.” Wool explained while pointing at Lestrange to sign one last page.

Elowen wasn’t sure what to feel. On one hand she was happy to be leaving this rancid place. However, she felt some guilt. What would happen to all of the other children that stayed behind? Who would watch over them? Also, who was this witch and what did she want with her? How did she even know about her?

“You mentioned you have a son?” Wool commented absent mindedly.

“Ah, yes, my dear boy. He’s away on an apprenticeship in Paris,” She turned to Nel and smiled at her sweetly. “But I’ve always wanted a daughter,” She said giving one of her cheeks a hard pinch.

Nel slapped her hand away and glared at her new guardian. She wasn’t five she didn’t need this stranger talking down to her guardian or not. Cloelia seemed amused by this and tutted at her before holding her hands before her lap. The girl eyed the woman carefully. This would be her new guardian, her new mother. Part of it made her heart flutter with excitement. She would finally be part of a family. She would finally be claimed under a proper name. She’d have a loving home to return to, her own room, her own brand-new clothes. She didn’t know what a family was like, but she had actually pictured it like on the tellie. The white-picked fence life, a mother, a father, a boy and a girl all coming together to talk about their day over a delicious dinner. Maybe… Just maybe that dream would no longer be a fantasy.

She leaned over Wool’s desk attempting to catch a glimpse of the information on the documents.

“So,” she probed slowly. “I’m going to be a Lestrange?” She asked tasting how the last name felt in her mouth. It was, well, strange.

Elowen Lestrange. She felt like it fit. Looking at Cloelia her heart skipped a beat at the thought of the lady being her mother, her family. Her hair was black, not dark brown like Nel’s but still it was dark? Maybe… Just maybe they were related.

The thought of belonging to a family made the edges of her mouth turn up into a hopeful smile.

“No,” Wool answered fully. “According to the British Government you are still Elowen Saintday.”

Of course. She hadn’t been claimed. The girl fought the urge to lower her head in shame. She simply stood still in response of the lack of acceptance into her family.

“No returns or exchanges accepted,” Wool tried at a poor attempt at a bad joke as she looked at the orphan smugly.

“I won’t miss you,” Nel glowered hatefully. She shot them both a death glare before walking out of the room.

Wool let out a sigh of relief when the girl stepped out of the room. Ms. Lestrange arched an eyebrow in intrigue when Cordelia Wool began shedding tears. Her face was flushed and turned into an ugly mug. As rivers of fat tears made way down her ugly face.

“Bless you, really, thank you so, so, much,” she was actually crying tears of joy! “I mean it, no returns!”

Wool would probably throw a party.

Xxxx

Nel bid goodbye to some of the other children in the house. Some were crying, some had no idea who she was, others, two in particular, were glad to see her go. Afterall she had either grown up with most of them or watched them grow. Alf and Aisha, her tormentors ,simply glared with vile smiles from a distance as the two witches left the orphanage.

She didn’t look back at Wool’s orphanage once as she left. Afterall there was nothing to look back to. The younger kids would eventually have to step up and learn to fend for themselves, but then again that was life.

The witch didn’t say much as they walked a couple of blocks before dipping into an alleyway. Nel still pulling at her stuff behind her. Her owl’s marble like eyes seemed to look between the two women confused.

Cloelia then stopped and turned to face Elowen who looked at her with mistrust. She smiled the edges of her lips pinching as she did. She couldn’t put her finger on what it was but there was something fishy about this lady. Or maybe it was just the girls’ mistrustful nature.

After having a mass murderer, an idiot and a werewolf as a professor nothing was surprising anymore, not really.

“Are you my mother?” She asked directly. Both wondering if this witch was a distant relative or if she would embrace her as a daughter.

Cloelia was currently applying a shade of red lipstick to her lips and eyeing her appearance on a small pocket mirror before putting it back into her purse. “No,” She responded simply before turning to Nel and once again smiling at her. An action which unnerved the girl to no end.

Then why bother adopting her?

“Although I always did want a daughter,” She stretched a hand forward gently and took the girl’s face in her hand with the other she brushed back the bangs that usually hid her face and starred at her dark eyes, beauty marks and other features.

“Lay off lady,” Elowen glared in her hostile nature and stepped back away from the strange woman’s touch. “You’re quite rude for a lady your age. Aren’t you?” She said looking down at the girl with contempt.

“What lady?” Nel basically growled out in rude sarcasm.   “My, we’ve got a lot of work to do,” Ms. Lestrange sighed and shook her head slightly. She didn’t give the girl a warning before grabbing onto her shoulder and the two apparated.

The next thing Nel knew was that everything went black; she was pressed very hard from all direction; Barberry screeching as this happened; she couldn’t breathe, it almost felt as if she was being constricted, eyeballs being pushed to the back of her head and ear-drums deeper into her skull before they apparated before a large building that was placed on top of a cliff neighboring a black ocean.

A strong wind blew past them.

Six, fat, large yew trees were planted before the building Nel now realized was a manor. Two in the center in between the door tilted forward creating an arch of branches leading to the entrance of the two-story house.

Cloelia pulled out an elegantly carved black wand and flicked it at Nel’s belonging. Her poor screeching owl and other belongings suddenly vanished.

“Bienvenue à la Maison de Lestrange.”

xxxxx

La Maison de Lestrange was grand. It was speckless with dark browns and dark black wood possessing elegant furniture that looked ancient and absolutely regal. Nel could see a house elf  scurrying around the house cleaning and polishing the floors. Cloelia lead her upstairs to a room which the girl took notice could be locked from the outside.

“This will be your room Elowen,” she opened the door to reveal what seemed to her to be a massive room. At least compared to the laundry room that had been her home for her whole life. There was a large twin bed at its center with a beautiful canopy post similar to the one at Hogwarts. She had an actual dresser, a wardrobe, a vanity, and two night stands next to the bed.

All of this… was hers?

“I expect your face to be washed, your old clothes to be disposed off and for you to be properly dressed for dinner and punctual for dinner tonight.”

Nel was in shock. This was the girl whose most priceless belonging was a burnt sweater that didn’t even fit her anymore. She opened the door to her wardrobe and noted it was fully stocked with brand new clothes. This made her head spin. They all looked to be brand new in fashion, they were her size, they weren’t used, they weren’t worn, they didn’t have any wear or tears on them. It was bittersweet, she looked at the fine fabrics and fashionable skirts and blouses, they weren’t her. She hadn’t picked them. This was somebody else imposing themselves on her person.

Regardless, she had to be grateful. It had to have costed a fortune. Then again, judging from the scope of the property it seemed like it hadn’t been a problem for Ms. Lestrange.

“Why?” Nel gaped.

Fourteen-year-old witch orphans did not get adopted just like that. Specially uncharming ones with terrible tempers like Nel Saintday.

“Why me?” She repeated when she saw that her adoptive guardian simply stood by the door holding both of her hands before her lap, back standing straight. Who was this lady anyway? What did she even do for a living?

“I’ve always wanted a daughter,” She responded sweetly. Again, with a very tight smile. There was something off about her, something that made Nel suspicious that this woman knew more than she was letting on.

Some moments later Ms. Lestrange returned to Elowen’s room. She didn’t knock before opening the door intruding in to find the girl feeding a treat to her owl. The room was now disorganized with clothes thrown everywhere on the floor and bed. The girl was late for dinner and she was still wearing her clothes from the orphanage.

“None of those clothes fit me,” Nel tossed casually over her shoulder. She also didn’t particularly like them but being used to a lifetime of wearing the scraps of others this wasn’t a viable excuse.

A disapproving look made Ms. Lestrange’s brow wrinkle at the sight of the room. “Nonsense,” she stepped into the room and flickered her want at everything folding clothes neatly into stacks. She stopped before the girl and pointed her long wand towards her changing her jeans and short top into a knee length long sleeved dark blue dress. There wasn’t anything special about it, it was the type of outfit you’d wear to a religious service. Even her shoes had changed from her usual sneakers to black flats with a strap.

“I don’t like these clothes either,” she finally admitted looking at her adoptive guardian with a wary look and at the dull clothes she was wearing. “I’ll be eighteen in four years. You won’t be able to tell me what to do for much longer.”

Seriously, why bother adopting a fourteen-year-old basket case?

The woman smirked at the threating tone and moved her wand again. Nel was struck when her body began to move on its own. Her brain was sending signals to her legs to step towards the vanity. She fought this feeling but failed and her body moved on its own making her take a seat before the vanity’s mirror. She looked at her horrified reflection in the mirror.

“That’s illegal!” Nel shouted. The woman was using the Imperio curse on her; one of the Unforgivable and most terrible curses. Cleo silenced her remaining unbothered to the way the girl’s mouth and eyes were frantically moving yet no sound was coming out. Her hands were glued to the vanity’s surface. “You’re a lady Elowen, it’s time you begin acting like one. Time to grow up!” She clapped her hands together.

Very calmly, even eerily and disturbingly humming a tune the woman approached her and picking up a hairbrush began calmly brushing her dark brown hair, even brushing it out of her face and tugging it behind her ears into a neater more polished look.

“Such a pretty face to hide behind that rideau of hair,” She spoke in her thick French accent even dropping a word that Nel had no idea what it meant. “Behave, do as I say and I don’t think we’ll have a problem,” the woman once again smiled at her a sickly-sweet smile before calmly walking out the door. “I’ll be waiting for you at the dinner table.”

The moment Cloelia left the room, Nel collapsed on the vanity gripping the edges breathing hard at the horrible sensation of having your body controlled in such an invasive manner.

Wool couldn’t control her like that. She could starve her, lock her up, damage her mind and body, insult and belittle her but she couldn’t use Dark Magic on her.

The thought of not being in possession of her person made her fearfully tremble in her seat. She looked at her reflection in the mirror once again. The person starring back wasn’t her. It was then that Nel had a terrible realization. The room she was in, it wasn’t what it looked like. Then again, nothing ever was.

She had graduated from one prison into a larger one.

End of Year 3

xxxxx

STARRING

EVA GREEN as CLOELIA LESTRANGE

and

TIMOTHEE CHALAMET as CLAUDIUS ELLAR LESTRANGE

Xxxxxx

[diatriblicaljottings]

How significant is the representation of masculinity to the way Othello functions as a tragedy?

Literature review

Believed to be written in 1603, the existence of ‘Othello’ has not only been disputed to be one of Shakespeare’s most successful plays due to the “treatment of such timely issues as race, gender, homoeroticism and domestic relations” (Evans, 2015), but also one of the most controversial – mostly due to how the aforementioned topics were approached. This is particularly surprising as Othello is widely acknowledged as “the least political (Shakespeare play) and even the least philosophical but also as the most domestic and personal” (Evans, 2015). Perhaps this disdain comes from a place of misunderstanding towards Shakespeare’s often critical yet atypical approaches to what could be described as sensitive topics. However, the representation of masculinity throughout ‘Othello’ can be linked to most of the mentioned analytical approaches, particularly masculinity and race, in a way that enriches our overall understanding of the text, and how it fit into the genre of tragedy. A critical essay by John R Ford reads, “the play powerfully critiques the racist and misogynist constructions of Venice by making its codes and conventions so visible to the audience” (Kolin, 2001) Othello’s extreme desire for achieving an ultimate state of masculinity directly correlates with the gender politics of the time, a time in which the misogynistic attitudes Ford refers to were rife in popularity, yet still unidentified as problematic and were therefore routinely normalized. In their masses, men synonymous to Othello encouraged and expected each other to actively participate in the discrediting of women to obtain their dominance and in turn, their sense of masculinity, or at least, what they believed to be attributes of masculinity. Whilst they have been greatly unacknowledged for thousands of years, both gender and race have still influenced political structures, including the ‘constructions of Venice’ addressed in Othello and Ford’s critical essay. This directly contrasts with Evans’ earlier observation of Othello being ‘the least political’ play to come from Shakespeare, as it could arguably be one of the most.  Alongside political ideals being a key function in the representation of masculinity, there are many contributing factors as to why Othello as a character could be protective of his masculine ego (the manipulation he endures at the hands of Iago being a namely one), though it is undeniable that as a person of colour with the ability to exist in such a high rank of power, despite living in a racist society, he faces much harsher judgement from other characters. Naturally this would also have significant impact on Othello’s personal difficulties with his insecurities, or when approaching threats to his masculinity. This becomes one of many tragedies described in the text – one that is very much involved in how the fundamentals of tragedy are incorporated into the thematic structure of Othello. “Culture is a masculine region, and everything that lies beyond its purlieus ± untamed nature, the sea, forests, brutes, cannibals, foreigners, belongs to the domain of the wild” (Wells, 2000)  – in this case, ‘the wild’ could be referring to the existing fear of the unknown, but more importantly it could be used to define ‘the Other’ - a term that refers to “the creation of a dichotomy between Europe and its ‘others’ … central to the creation of European culture… part of the process of maintaining power over them” (Loomba, 1998). This coincides with the social context of Othello, particularly with the reference to ‘foreigners’ in the culture Wells speaks of.  The often subliminal struggles that Othello faces as a black male character propel the tale of tragedy depicted within the text – as it is these very struggles that are used against him consistently, driving him to a point of ultimate self-questioning: when he makes the decision to kill Desdemona. Burning “with a desire to avenge the imagined loss of his masculine honour” (Wells, 2000) is quite a bleak outlook, given that many would dispute that this ‘imagined loss’ is not imagined at all. Societal norms, especially in the historical setting of this play, are so very much ingrained into the typical thinking patterns of many of the characters, that it is certainly realistic for the character of Othello to predict the tarnishing of his name or reputation. The vengeance referred to by Wells would not appear to be Othello’s true motive to kill her, as he denies having any knowledge of her death, so it plays no part in the restoration of his honour. It seems to be, however, a result of extreme expectations that Othello has internalised becoming a malformation of fear and unattainably high levels of self-respect.  The main tragedy at the core of the play depicts the impact of unrealistic and limited implications of masculinity being a motive for murder. Othello had been systematically brainwashed into believing his only option was taking drastic measures to prove his worth in terms of his masculinity, threatened with the negative societal impacts the alleged misdemeanours of his wife would cause. Whilst his actions may not be remotely excusable in any way, they serve the purpose of truly representing how toxic masculinity can result in tragedy – and the lengths a man of his tragic circumstances may go through to preserve his ‘masculine honour’.

   Analytical essay

The importance of masculinity in “Othello” is crucial to the genre of tragedy, as the desired trait of authority, achieving a true masculine status, is shared amongst the primary male characters - a persistent battle that eventually results in disastrous consequences. Iago’s personal lack of masculine identity is the cause of the downfall of multiple male characters, as he so clearly uses it as a tool of manipulation. Othello being such a high-status character, linking to his "manhood and honour" - is quite vulnerable in terms of becoming increasingly paranoid and suspicious of Desdemona betraying him. While Othello is being manipulated by Iago, Iago creates insinuations of Desdemona committing adultery in order to pressure Othello into a state of jealousy - before proceeding to essentially warn Othello not to worry about it. Iago’s mockery of the very concept he introduced into this discussion proves just how manipulative he is, and how he is manifesting Othello’s insecurity in his own masculinity proves this - "Oh, beware, my lord, of jealousy! It is the green-eyed monster which doth mock. The meat it feeds on." (Act 3, Scene 3). Othello’s perceived ‘fragile masculinity’, which has been even further amplified by Iago’s antics, births the creation of what would become Othello’s hamartia in the tragic events to come. Furthermore, Iago creates the lie of Cassio being a violent alcoholic. In order to steal his job, Iago persuades Cassio to partake in heavy drinking, which leads to him being disgraced from his job, and in turn, his reputation. Iago’s discrete manipulation is used once again in the form of reverse psychology “"I had rather have this tongue cut from my mouth than it should do offence to Michael Cassio" (Act 2, Scene 3). This becomes a tragic flaw in Cassio’s story, continuing to destroy not only his masculinity, but also his self-worth and livelihood. With all of this being due to Iago’s jealousy of Cassio’s higher-ranking position, it reinforces the link between the pressures of maintaining masculinity and how highly men rank in both works, but also society. “Iago seems to have too many motives for his evil and thus paradoxically, no motives for it at all." (Evans, 2015). Iago's own drive - to gain a higher rank - pushes the ideology that honour equates to your level of masculinity, something which Shakespeare is almost critiquing through his creation of Iago’s character – a erratic, self-serving and desperate person whom projects his own masculine insecurities for personal gain.  

  Within the play the character of Emilia is a key part of how masculinity is portrayed, with strong opinions and an understanding of the masculine ideology she said some of the most noticeable things about how significant masculinity is within the tragedy. “They are all but stomachs, and we all but food, They eat us hungerly, and when they are full / They belch us” (Act 3, Scene 4). This phrase clearly shows that for the men within this play, women are the source of sexual satisfaction and not much more than that. Not allowing women to have any position of authority or experience a liberty of decision-making - clearly shows how society’s obsession of masculinity at the time built a hierarchy, in terms of gender. Women only really had each other to rely on, and Shakespeare progressively shows Emilia's loyalty to Desdemona only growing stronger. As a woman of practical intelligence, shown to not be led by her emotions, Emilia becomes a key character in relation to masculinity within the tragedy. The juxtaposition between Emilia and her partner Iago creates the potential of her strong-minded personality being one of many causes towards Iago’s pathetic drive to emasculate himself. Although Emilia stands by Iago through the play, in the end she denounced his lies to defend Desdemona’s reputation after her death. With regard’s to Desdemona’s murder, after being severely wounded by her husband and close to death, she remains adamant on her refusal to reveal Othello as her murderer and claims it was suicide – “Nobody. I myself. Farewell. Commend me to my kind lord. Oh, farewell!” (Act 5, Scene 2) This may be because of how much she loved her husband, but it was primarily due to the extreme effects of Othello’s desire to achieve true masculinity – a virtue Desdemona herself intends to assist with as to prove her true loyalty in her final moments.   Othello’s goal to prevent other men from being betrayed by Desdemona, further perpetuates the idea that truly masculine men must adhere to the heroic stereotype and make sacrifices for the sake of other people, even when it concerns the love of their life.

During Shakespeare’s life, there was a strict social construct of gender norms, as well as a hierarchy of sexes. As each gender experienced their own role in society, it was only logical that they'd be shown within Shakespeare’s plays. Throughout Shakespeare’s ‘Othello’ the ideology of masculinity is presented to us through the different themes that are addressed, whilst being set in a regressive and male-dominated world. The unachievable goal of obtaining an elite state of masculinity results in many conflicts of character, with horrific atrocities being committed as a result of this - from degradation of race and gender, to the sheer manipulative nature of many characters, there are a stark amount of negative consequences that can be construed as being tragic. Alongside the more obvious defining factors of tragedy within Othello, masculinity - and the constant urge to exude it – is the most consequential catalyst that results in the melancholic epilogue of this play.

 Bibliography

Evans, R. (2015). Othello: a Critical Reader, Bloomsbury Publishing Plc.

Kolin, P. (2001). Othello: Critical Essays., Taylor & Francis Group.

Loomba, A. (2015). Colonialism/postcolonialism (Third ed., New critical idiom).

Wells, R. (2000). Shakespeare on Masculinity, Cambridge University Press.

[gxymlky]

Master Bio: Aristhea Veritas

BASIC INFORMATION

Name || Aristhea Suzuran Veritas [ne. Plume]

Nickname || Thea

Character Type || spellcaster (another term for mages who doesn’t practice the typical mage lifestyle), master

Gender || female

Birthdate || November 30, 1999

Age || 21

Height || 155 cm

Weight || 43 kg

Origin || Inure

Inure is Aristhea’s origin. Something that one is accustomed to negativity or anything horrendous happening around her, she is solemn or unwavering about it. People perceived her as heartless because of this, but whether it's a coping mechanism or not, she is fully aware that it is something that she couldn't deviate herself from. Also comes from the fact, she experience painful sensation on her body when or after performing magecraft comes with acceptance that this is what she is. However, just because she is accustomed to anything horrendous happening doesn't mean she isn't capable of showing emotions on joyous moments.

Character Alignment || Chaotic Neutral

Affiliation || Chaldea Security Organization

Elemental Affinity || Hollow (Imaginary Numbers)

Magic Circuit Quality || C+

Magic Circuit Quantity || C

Likes || 

pastel colors

Lolita fashion

early morning walks

Magical girl anime genre

true crime

going to the local library

photography

Dislikes ||

centipedes

snakes (figuratively and literally)

traffic

Magus society 

alleyways 

closed spaces

confrontation

BACKGROUND ||

The Plumes are of noble blood that had been around since the time the Roman Empire was declined and settled in British Isles, their background is similar to the Fragas except they had affair with the fairies resulting in the descendants having fairy blood, though at the cost of having side effects affecting their well-being depending on how much effort they are willing to use, they also have a long history of sacrificing their offsprings with strong fairy blood as they have a short lifespan and are seen only as battery to fuel the lineage.

The Plumes possessed Fae, a quality of hereditary trait found in their genes, allows to summon fairies as familiars at their will, Imaginary Numbers, Hollow and Fire element are the main source of their magecraft.

Unlike the Fragas, they are nobles and their name soon catches the attention of the Association, fearing for their safety and in fear they would be put under Sealing Designation, the Plumes changed their name from Plume to Veritas and hid in obscurity for a while. They decided to practice magecraft in secret and not to let it affect their lifestyle. While they still live a comfortable lifestyle, they prefer to lay low and live a decent life.

Aristhea was born to Arina Koei and Uriel Plume as the first daughter, she has abnormal magical energy and mediocre magic circuits causing her to be born fragile. As a result, Uriel gave Aristhea to his mother, Isolde where Isolde raised her and taught her how to control her thaumaturgy. She gets occasional visits from her mother and father. So far, her childhood has ups and downs but doesn’t include a beating when she makes a mistake, her only traumatic memory was where she lost control of her body and fell down the stairs leaving in a pool of dark, red almost black blood. 

Aristhea was around 5 when Rene, her younger brother was born, around that time, Arina died a few months due to the strain of Rene’s birth. Aristhea took care of Rene followed by their aunt, Cosette. She is homeschooled in her primary days but was allowed to enter Elementary and Secondary school but wore a Mystic Code to prevent her from bleeding as side effects. 

Her father Uriel is often away on a business trip but shows that he cares for his children greatly by coming home during holidays and their birthdays.

PERSONALITY

Aristhea is known to have eccentric, complex personality, she can’t make decisions or would take very long time to make them as she is continually fighting what to do if she chose one choice or branching them making more imaginary scenarios and making things complicated. She also has a habit of zoning out or not paying attention to scenarios deeming to others if she was stupid or challenged. She also makes sarcastic comments sometimes at the wrong timing causing her to go into trouble.

Despite this, she is known to be crafty and calculated, at times using her head to think outside the box and use whatever means to get what she wants, she is also good with reading emotions of other people and using it against them, calm and precise, she also has a way of getting back to them in the most creative way possible whether inflicting physical harm or emotionally breaking them, though she also refuses to admit defeat or humiliation when it doesn’t go her way. 

Aristhea may be distant, aloof or even downright, intimidating thanks to her scornful and contempt expression, but this was simply the work of her origin, Inure causing her indifference over negative situations or unfortunate things happening around, people cite her as a callous individual, perhaps she herself cite this as this is how she looks onto herself. But just because it’s her origin doesn’t mean she isn’t capable of showing moments of joy. It was simply because she was a selective young woman when it comes to who she would show her sweet, amicable side. She has a big, sisterly love to her younger brother as a promise she kept to her mother in her dying moments.

How she speaks is direct and short when it comes to strangers as she have no interest in a short talk unless it piqued her interest.

She loves reading books but shows little to no interest on growing technology, but still handles around gadgets such as phone and laptop to get on with the trend but overall, she loves the aesthetic of papers, especially old books and their scent. Her favorite book/s overall are Tristan and Iseult especially as it’s the book her grandmother read to her during bedtime and the Tale of Genji as well as classics such as Little Women by Louisa M. Alcott and of course, Erotica novels. Yes, she also read Eroticas even bad ones.

APPEARANCE

Aristhea is a young, attractive woman with fair complexion and dirty white, long hair with bangs cut above her eyes. She wears a simple, white shirt and a skirt with black stockings and some shoes but overall, she wears anything she finds stylish herself. Aristhea owns a lot of frilled clothing 90% of those are from her grandmother back in her youth.

ABILITIES

Her elemental attributes is Hollow or better known as Imaginary Numbers, it is usually associated with children born with Fae blood, and as mentioned before, the stronger the mixed blood where, the better, but comes with a short lifespan. Though, Amiya was a unique case as she hoards souls of tormented children that where sacrificed for the family's personal gain, their hatred is so powerful in fact that whenever Aristhea performs her attack on her opponent, their hatred is channeled through her forcing her to convert her body's entire nervous system initially then her muscular system, adding more magic circuits to eradicate a single target. Similar manner to Illyasviel's NP but more fatal as it causes rupture in her internal organs. She practices witchcraft in her past time but rarely does it as she refused sacrificing animals or even using her blood whenever she wanted too. Similar case to Erice Utsumi, unlike Erice, she manifests magical energy from her palms which requires practice and intense training and uses a Mystic Code in form of a Lance to channel through her magecraft. 

Besides magic, she uses a Lance given to her by her aunt as training where she channels her magical energy to enhance it but it’s much weaker due to the Mystic Code’s nature in suppressing its holder to make sure she doesn’t collapse from the aftermath.

RELATIONSHIPS WITH OTHER CHARACTERS/SERVANTS:

Isolde Veritas: Rene and Aristhea’s grandmother, she is a stern, firm, no-nonsense woman who nurtures her grandchildren. Coming from a toxic, mage background, she understood what was going on and made sure to make up lies in order to not let her grandchildren pick up their ways as she finds there’s no happiness attained to it. However, she is stricter to Aristhea when training only to benefit her granddaughter and made sure she isn’t fragile or vulnerable when she is on her own.

Arina Koei: mother of Aristhea and Rene, she is a loving and kind mother coming from a decaying bloodline, she is completely unaware of her husband’s dark past and unstable behavior, she willingly chose to give birth to Rene and keeping promise to Uriel to love their children as much as she loves him. Her death is one of the factor of Uriel’s paranoia.

Cosette Veritas: Cosette is Isolde’s younger daughter, Rene and Aristhea’s aunt. Like her mother, she is painfully aware of how shady and corrupt mages are and has no interest in finding the Root, only sees magecraft as something of a hobby. 

Horacio Lope: a mage, an intern in Chaldea like her. He found her to be quite odd. That’s because of her thaumaturgy allows him to see spirits and they happen to be hostile towards him. Horacio and Aristhea have a brother/sister dynamic that has their own vicissitudes.

Template Credit: Θεός

[dxxtruction]

Tyrell Wellick - Character profile - (sorta an unprofessional psych analysis) 

NOTE: I’m not an expert and this is also non-exhaustive of everything I could write about Tyrell. Can’t observe every little thing. This is also super unorganized below the cut I’m sorry. 

Words I’d describe Tyrell by: Ambitious, Boastful, Selfish, Controlling, Violent, Impulsive, Emotional, Loyal, Strategist, Enthusiastic, Extroverted, Adaptable, Vain, Desperate, Observant, Insightful, Driven, Fearful, Intelligent, Cunning, Technical, Prepared, Outwardly Friendly, Resourceful, Loathing, Self Loathing, Sometimes Cooperative, Caring, Vulnerable, Fearful, and Influenced.

Psyche: Erratic behavior, attaches own goals into a special person, delusions of grandeur, looks down on and has disregard for many others, has a certain lack of guilt or regard for breaking ethical or personal boundaries, adapts self in order to achieve goals, wearing masks over the more vulnerable and perceived weaker sides of himself, perhaps hiding various amounts of self loathing, maladaptive perfectionism, strong desire for control.

 I’ll avoid anything official and say he likely has some form of personality disorder and/or perhaps an attachment disorder.

Tyrell seems to be driven almost entirely by his own ambitions and goals for his life. Those goals change but he continues on doing anything possible to meet those ends. Believing he is destined to have them over others who seek similar ends. 

He care’s a lot about his appearance, both in how he looks and in how others perceive him suggesting a need to garner their respect and control perceptions. Perhaps fearing rejection and public humiliation. Feels it necessary to hide himself behind the best of outward appearances. Feeling equally deserving of respect and deeply afraid of losing it. The latter suggesting a point in time where he saw himself associated with certain perceived inferiorities (perhaps his family being poor, his accent, a lack of knowledge or skill, a lack of restraint), that still lingers in him even though he’s tried (relentlessly) to escape them.

Tyrell tries to maintain a look of control and professionalism, something he’s well developed in order to get to where he is. With control, having the upper hand, he believe’s he can not lose. He however cracks under the pressure of perhaps not having control by lashing out and acting on impulse, often violent impulse. Regaining a sense of power over the situation in destructive ways that run counter to what he’s trying to achieve. 

There’s hints at a fear of showing weakness and vulnerability suggesting perhaps toxic masculinity and could also be the same fears of rejection and public humiliation. The amount of effort he seems to put into this suggests he fears in some way that he could very well be exposed as a fraud. Tyrells mask is there for a reason and I think that reason is to avoid his fears, of which there are many.

He is aware of many of the masks he wears (but maybe not all of them), and seems to practice and perfect them. He’s a perfectionist: self defeating, even self harming, towards unrealistic goals and expectations of himself, causing undue stress. Tyrell has a hyper-fixation upon inadequacies he sees in both himself and others. This causes quite a lot of black and white, narrow ways of thinking.  

Tyrell can also crack and shed off his mask, showing his vulnerable side when alone or when he is feeling weak or defeated. He cries. I think he feels his emotions fairly intensely at all times. Which may contribute to why he tries so hard on maintaining a different sense of himself which is far more collected. Creating distance from how he feels things in order to see himself as more in control. And as always in order to meet his goals. I get a sense of self hatred, a certain level of shame from Tyrell in the ways he seems to cover up who he is from the world. Perhaps from the amount of things he has bottled up. 

Despite feeling deserving of his goals, he knows you must work to get the things you want, and so he will resort to ANY means necessary. Boundaries mean nothing when it works towards his goals. Conventionality and reason can be sacrificed if needed. Breaking conventions seems (to me) a last resort measure as Tyrell is proven to be sufficient at getting to where he is through his social and technical skills along with keen professional insights and overall intelligence within his field. He is very eager even without the more harmful ways of getting what he wants. These are all factors which make him appear desirable for high ranking positions within his field, and probably prove to him a sense of higher worth and tangible achievement. 

I do want to point out that he is observant of things most people tend to not notice or have foresight on. This quick internal observations lead him towards quick assumptions, making for keen awareness of how others will act, yet he holds strong to the initial judgements he has of people. The skill of reading people seems fairly important if you are to strategize with or against them and Tyrell is always following some type of plan and agenda. While not always in complete control of how he may act or feel he can control and manipulate the direction of his life to the ends he needs. He needs have it planned out for him to feel secure. 

While at first glance Tyrell may seem like only self concerning. He seems to have a pattern of attaching his goals in with a loyalty/contract to a specific person who he does them for. This leans towards delusions of grandeur especially with Elliot. 

In these relationships there is perhaps also seeking consistent validation from them. Going out of his way to make sure they notice what he’s willing to do for them. Idolizing them and desiring these relationships to succeed in the ways he envisions them to. Likely has fears of his own inadequacy to succeed within the relationships goals, and fears that he could ruin the relationship by not succeeding. Leading to a suppressed but present low self esteem and easy influence over his actions.

He feels a strong need to provide for them, and they provide him with something as well or he wouldn’t show such loyalty. (Ie: Ability to seek the highest ideal of the American dream/Ability to rule the fate of the world). In other words they seem to offer a boosted ego or chance towards something he finds valuable to his personal ambitions. He cares about them but can’t ever shake what drives him.

In a world where he can get anything and impress anyone those who subvert that are incredibly intriguing to him, and it also must be incredibly painful when he starts to develop strong feelings of attachment and they reject him. These people (Joanna and Elliot) are withholding and inconsistent in showing Tyrell that validation he wants. Making him have to chase their approval and respect. Which keeps him interested in continuing to succeed for them, to show off and get their attention. (Ex: Joanna’s gifts, Tyrells insistence on appearing good for Elliot). Winning their approval becomes a part of his core driving ambitions to succeed. 

Joanna is the perfect partner to fuel his more worldly ambitions. He wants to provide for her everything and anything which proves they are both successful and victorious in their dreams in life. While Elliot seems more to fuel his delusions of grandeur - he can have ultimate control and power via Elliot’s perceived ultimate power and control. In both instances he wants to share in success, feels this sharing as very intertwined with his life and the direction it needs to go. This intertwining can lead him to accept certain approaches he shouldn’t, but again he’s easy to influence in this position. 

I feel Tyrell fears most of all not having control (like many in this show), when feeling this way he tends to act out in anger. Tyrell uses violence often as a means of control, an outlet for his own anger and rage when he senses a lacking of power in a situation. He is also impulsive when angered showing a instinctive pull towards violence when he feels this way. He lacks a certain control over these emotions, making him erratic. I sense Tyrell does a great deal of work to mask this side of himself from others, at the very least to keep up appearances. (keep in mind I never said he ever did handle himself well.) 

The root causes of all of this is likely some combination of genetics, upbringing, and stress from the crushing weight of his goals. He has pointed out a strong desire to be unlike his father, who he sees as weak and pathetic for not trying hard at anything in his life. This seems to be near the root of his pathos as Tyrell shows he must be strong and in control while always doing anything to succeed. He isn’t afraid of the taboo either and almost seems to seek out what is most ambitious, risky, and rebellious in order to prove himself. Especially when it achieves some greater end. 

Tyrell has two side really, the conquerer and the meek. He is selfishly driven, but easily influenced. Prone to violent behavior, but passionately submissive to those he loves. Willing to do anything to get what he wants, but can be equally vulnerable and saddened by loss and failure. He suppresses himself but is easily emotional and erratic. Driven by success but also ruled by fear. Insightful but also delusional and narrow minded. 

Tyrell may have precarious ways of dealing with situations and getting at his ambitions but ultimately his concerns are always fairly human and usually seem reasonably achievable for him at face value. He wants to provide for his family, make sure they’re safe, he wants to get the position he’s worked hard for (things get ... confused when it comes to Elliot but I think it starts with noticing how Elliot could be a good potential hire to boost his reputation then things just continue to escalate as they seem to toy with one another to his mind). He reacts perhaps with probably just too much passion, and I don’t think he can help it. What I’m getting at it is Tyrell has a very human side to him that’s fairly normal and awkward even, he’s kinda just a huge techie nerd and loves that he is, we see a lot of the normality of Tyrell in 404.