#he is a very literate person but I just feel that he struggles articulating when it gets to a deeper emotional level

[mikesbasementbeets]

to be real for a second, i think there is a moment in the show where mike has a ~realization~ of sorts about his feelings but hasn't quite put two and two together yet.... and it's this:

this realization of "hey my feelings for will are actually maybe different than my feelings for my other friends, but i'm not sure why" happens at the end of season two. and then mike spends the entirety of season three acting sort of strange and different around will while having his relationship with him constantly juxtaposed with his relationship with el. reaching the end of that season which, despite all the supernatural shit going on, took the time to focus so heavily on those two relationships (and how fundamentally different they are), and having mike have the same realization he had at the end of season two makes no sense because it would mean he accomplished absolutely nothing in his emotional arc during the course season three

especially to claim that he still believes he has feelings for el going into season 4. especially to claim he still believes he has feelings for el by the end of season 4. it's to claim that he has not made any emotional progress in his relationships for at least two full seasons, that he's been going through all of this for it to not have made any conscious impact on him, and the changes in the way he acts from s2-3 and from s3-4 aren't a product of his character developing (growing, changing, to quote hopper's letter) but rather..... ? i don't know actually. just him feeling weird but not understanding himself at all. still. it just doesn't make sense to me. he's one of the main characters of the show, and to keep him emotionally stagnant for 4 out of 5 seasons (especially when we can see that his behavior is changing, that he has not been stagnant at all but rather deeply affected by everything) would be a disservice to his character, first of all, but also a disservice to the narrative which has been showing us his (as well as the other characters') struggle with growing up and growing into himself every season. and it simply doesn't align with what we're being shown

mike is already having realizations by the end of season two. but by the end of season three, he's starting to be really honest with himself about what they mean

[hyuckiefluff]

Pretty Boy pt.2

pairing: na jaemin x f!reader genre: roommates to lovers word count: 4.2k content: oral sex (f receiving), unprotected sex, multiple orgasms, marking (jaemin receiving), y/n is kinda bad at expressing her feelings lol, sweet jaemin :( a/n: *taps mic* hello? tysm for the support on part 1 of this story!! <33 i honestly didn’t think it would get so much love but as promised here’s part 2. it’s literally just smut lol but i hope it was worth the wait anyways.

part 1

As soon as you stepped into the room, Jaemin scooped you up, eliciting a loud squeal from you. You instinctively clung onto him as he effortlessly turned you around. Now that you were face to face, your legs wrapped around his torso, your heart would not calm down. He brushed away a few stray hairs that had fallen on your face, and that simple touch made your breath hitch in your throat.

"Are you really up for this? Cause once we start, I might not be able to stop," he whispered softly, his fingers finding their way to the back of your neck, drawing you closer. "I've been wanting to do this for so long, you have no idea."

It was as if he had plucked the words right out of your mind, and you couldn't help but slightly widen your eyes at his confession. He always seemed to possess a talent for articulating what you had been feeling but struggled to express. The truth was, you had indulged in countless fantasies about this very situation, even if you were hesitant to admit it.

Living with someone as attractive as Jaemin proved to be quite the challenge. In the first week after becoming roommates, you found yourself confined to the safety of your own room, too shy to venture out whenever he was around. It was kind of funny, considering that you had known each other for years, albeit without much interaction, despite being part of the same friend group. Your decision to room together was less about being close and more about the practicality of splitting the rent with someone. He happened to be the only one in your circle who needed a roommate, and that's how you ended up in this situation.

The only reason you let your guard down with him was because he turned out to be one needy guy, always craving company. And it became crystal clear that he wouldn’t let you be awkward around him when he burst into your room one day, demanding that you join him for a movie. "It feels like I live alone, and it sucks," he pouted, his need for attention catching you off guard. Still, you found his little tantrum adorable and you only became closer since that day.

As you got to know Jaemin better, you noticed that he had a naturally flirty personality. It seemed like he had an active dating life too, based on what you could gather. You wouldn't label him as a player, though you did witness him hooking up at a few parties you attended together. Still, he never brought anyone home. Your friends would insist that he treated you differently, but you didn't buy into that. Jaemin was just an affectionate person by nature, that's all. His touchy gestures had become so common that you didn't read too much into them. Whether it was him placing his hand on your waist as you walked side by side or playfully toying with your fingers when he was bored you knew it was simply his way of showing comfort and familiarity with you.

You understood him better than anyone else. There was no hidden meaning behind those gestures—it was simply his way of expressing affection in his own Jaemin-esque style.

"I... I wanted this too," you confessed, taking a deep breath. "A lot, actually."

A gorgeous smile spread across his face, crinkling the corners of his eyes. You couldn't help but smile back before leaning in and kissing him. The kiss was sweet and slow, as if you wanted to savor every second.

As soon as your hands found their way to Jaemin's head, you tangled your fingers in his hair and gave it a gentle pull. A satisfied moan escaped his lips, letting you know he enjoyed that. He led you towards the bed and gently placed you down on the mattress. It struck you that you were in his room, and for some reason, that made you a little jittery. You couldn't recall ever seeing him sneak anyone into his bedroom before, so you wondered if you were the first to do this with him in his own bed.

But the sight in front of you snapped you back to reality. Jaemin was taking off his shirt, revealing a jaw-dropping view of his torso. Sure, you had seen him shirtless in the past, but you'd never really taken the time to truly look at him. His abs were chiseled, and his chest... Well, let's just say it was firm and big. If your face wasn't already burning from the intense kissing, it would have turned an even deeper shade of crimson.

Jaemin clearly found your staring amusing because he shot you a playful smile before closing the distance between your bodies. He positioned himself on top of you, supporting his weight with his arms. His half-nakedness was a big distraction, making it harder for you to maintain eye contact.

"It's not fair that you get to ogle me while you're still fully clothed," he quipped, grabbing your jaw to make you look at him. When your eyes met, he had this exaggerated mischievous smile that made you giggle and eased some of your nerves.

Jaemin had never seen you with so little clothing on, which made you hesitate for a moment. Still, you mustered up the courage and boldly grabbed the hem of your shirt, pulling it over your head. No bra, because who bothered with that at home, right? The look on Jaemin's face when he saw you was absolutely priceless. It was as if he couldn't decide which expression to settle on. His gaze fixated on your chest, a mix of curiosity and adoration in his eyes. He nibbled his lip before locking eyes with you.

"You're fucking gorgeous," he blurted out, followed by a dry chuckle. "It’s unbelievable." With those words hanging in the air, he leaned in to kiss you again. The sensation of your bare chests pressing together elicited equally desperate moans from both of you.

Before long, Jaemin started to peel off his sweats. But right before he could remove his boxers, a panicked expression flashed across his face. "Hold on a second," he muttered, scurrying over to one of his drawers and rummaging through it, tossing random stuff aside. After a minute or two of frantic searching, he paused and scratched his neck.

"No condoms?" you asked, finding the situation and his reaction a bit comical.

He turned to face you, his eyebrows furrowing, worried big eyes framed by his long, pretty eyelashes, and a slight pout forming on his lips. It was quite a sight, to be honest.

"I could have sworn I had some," he replied, sounding a bit defeated.

"Well, I guess we can't proceed then," you sighed dramatically, teasing him a little to see his reaction. In reality, you were on birth control and it had been months since you last had sex, plus you trusted that Jaemin was clean. You just wanted to see how he'd respond to the situation.

"I guess not," he mumbled, his mood deflating.

He looked utterly adorable in that moment, like a puppy who had been denied a treat. Unable to resist, you got up and pulled him down to your eye level, whispering something into his ear.

"How about you fuck me…raw?"

You heard the audible gulp that escaped his throat, and when you pulled back slightly to gauge his reaction, you wished you could take a picture of the look on his face. His eyes seemed ready to pop out of their sockets, and his mouth hung open, as if he was about to say something, but the words just wouldn't come out.

"W-What?" he stammered, clearly taken aback.

He never expected those words to come out of your pretty mouth.

"I'm on birth control, and I'm clean," you reassured him, trying your best not to burst into laughter as he visibly relaxed. "And you're clean too, right?"

He nodded frantically, and without wasting another moment, you pulled him into another kiss. This time, it was messier, more urgent, as you both stumbled backward and fell onto the bed, your lips still locked together.

All the teasing and anticipation had both of you on the edge, so you wasted no time stripping off the last bits of clothing. Jaemin's eyes were locked onto your body immediately. He let out a low curse under his breath, his gaze roaming freely over your figure, soaking in every curve and crevice. He couldn't believe his damn luck.

You also couldn't help but indulge in the sight before you. Mesmerized by how his arms flexed as he supported himself above you and how firm his chest felt under your eager hands. Every now and then, his collarbone would tease you too, sticking out just enough to dare you to leave your mark on it.

Jaemin's lips traveled down your neck, leaving a trail of wet kisses that made your whole body shake with anticipation. He zeroed in on your breasts, showering them with kisses and playful nibbles, the attention causing your nipples to perk up. At the same time, his hand ventured south, heading straight for the heat between your thighs. When he discovered how wet you were already, a satisfied whimper escaped his lips. Without wasting a beat, he redirected his attention down there, temporarily forgetting about your breasts. With a slow and teasing motion, he slipped off your panties, revealing just how soaked and sticky they were from your arousal. The sight seemed to drive him wild. "Fuck, this is so hot," he breathed out, his voice brimming with desire.

You were on the verge of losing your damn mind with him being so close to your most sensitive spot but not touching it. The warmth of his breath down there was overwhelming, making you forget any self-consciousness. And when you felt his mouth planting kisses on your inner thigh, you were already so far gone you could have thrown all decorum away and begged for him to do something.

"I'm not stopping until all you can say is my name," he promised with a smirk, and without any further warning, he dove right in.

You moaned loudly, caught off guard yet incredibly grateful he was bringing sweet relief to the throbbing ache in your lower stomach. His mouth wasted no time getting cozy down there, switching between kisses, sucks, and licks that sent shockwaves through your body. Maybe it had been way too long since you'd had any action, or maybe he just knew exactly what he was doing, but fuck, you were already on the brink of your first orgasm.

It was crazy how quickly things escalated. A half hour ago you were just hanging out, trying to apply mascara on him, and now he was going down on you. Na Jaemin, the same guy who always drinks his coffee with enough shots to fuel a rocket, screams his balls off during scary movies and uses up your skincare products. That guy was now eating you out like a Michelin-star meal. Who would've guessed? You didn't want to ruin the moment by overthinking how this might change things between you, though. Not that you could even form a coherent thought, with his expert tongue doing magical things down there.

Finally, his eyes met yours, and you could see a glimmer of something animalistic in them. It should've freaked you out a little, but it only turned you on even more. Unable to resist, you grabbed onto his head and pushed him down, silently pleading for him to keep going. Your orgasm was so close, Jaemin knew it too from the way your legs were shaking and closing in on his head. Your hips started to move, grinding against his face like it was second nature. And the way he moaned and groaned against you told you that he loved it.

His tongue was insane, twirling and swirling with a mind of its own. Seriously, how the hell was he so good at this? Words stumbled out of your mouth incoherently as you tried to form a sentence amidst the overwhelming sensations.

"Don't... don't stop," you managed to gasp out, your voice laced with desperation.

He took your plea to heart, intensifying his lapping and sucking. His grip tightened on your thighs, fingers digging deliciously into your flesh as he anchored himself to you. The combination of his insistent mouth and his tight grasp left you writhing and squirming, completely at his mercy. With each flick of his tongue, you felt yourself unraveling, teetering on the edge of an explosive orgasm. And then it hit you, a release that left you gasping for air. You recoiled ever so slightly from the overstimulation, but he didn't let up. His lips remained locked to your throbbing core, greedily savoring every last drop of your release, as if he couldn't get enough of you.

With one final kiss he finally moved away, a glistening trail of your essence still connecting you. The sight alone threatening to tip you over the edge once again. He licked his lips slowly, his eyes locked onto yours with an intensity that made it clear he knew exactly what he was doing to you. He started crawling up towards you then.

"Has anyone..." he began, his voice low as he closed the distance between your faces, his warm breath ghosting over your skin, "told you..." his words trailed off, delivered with a deliberate slowness that was driving you crazy, "that you taste..." his face was now mere inches away from yours, his lips teasingly brushing against yours, "fucking delicious."

“Hm, really?” You let your hands wander, fingers tangling in his disheveled locks, pulling him closer.

"If you don't believe me," he whispered huskily, his lips hovering millimeters away from yours, "taste it for yourself."

He closed the remaining distance between your mouths. It was a moment of pure sensory overload, your taste mingling with his. Even though you had just cummed, you craved more of him. You needed him inside you, to fill you up and to bring him pleasure in return. So without wasting a second, you switched positions, the sudden change making him gasp in surprise. Now you were straddling him, your bare core brushed against his lower stomach and his dick pressed against your ass. The sight of your naked body on top of him was something he never thought would happen in real life, and he couldn't help but stare with his mouth hanging open. He instinctively placed his hands on your hips, caressing them gently and giving them a little squeeze, just to make sure this wasn't some crazy dream.

You whispered something in his ear, but he was so lost in the moment that he couldn't even make out the words. However, as soon as he saw you positioning his dick at your entrance, reality snapped back into focus, and his breath hitched in anticipation. He was barely inside you, just the tip, and he already felt like he was about to lose his mind. The way your brows furrowed and your plump lips parted as he stretched you out was incredibly hot, enough to make him almost cum right then and there. But he quickly shook himself out of the trance and firmly gripped your hips to help guide you down onto him.

"Fuck..." he gasped, his voice strained as he buried himself deep inside you.

He was wonderfully thick, stretching you in ways that demanded your body to adjust. You needed a moment to accommodate his size, to savor the delicious sensation of being filled so completely. He granted you the time you needed, showing an unexpected patience as if he, too, needed some time to adjust to the overwhelming tightness that enveloped him. The way you clamped around him now, it felt like an eternity since you had last been filled this good.

The pressure and friction threatened to push Jaemin right over the edge though, and the last thing he wanted was an embarrassing premature orgasm. So, thinking quickly, he flipped both of you over. He wanted nothing more than for you to ride him, but he also knew he had to set the pace to ensure he could last longer.

"Sorry, love, but you're squeezing me so damn tight in that position," he said, and you nodded in understanding. You didn’t really care about positions, all you wanted was for him to fuck you into oblivion.

And that he definitely did. Once he saw you were more comfortable, he started to move, slowly at first. It took a second to find a rhythm that felt good for both of you, but when he saw the way your face contorted in pleasure and how exquisitely tight you became around him, he knew he had found it.

“F-faster..” you moaned, and he obliged immediately.

He raised your leg a bit, resting it on his shoulder and planting a kiss on your thigh before moving. This new angle allowed him to penetrate even deeper, hitting all the right spots that had you moaning so pathetically loud. You couldn't help but thank your lucky stars that it was just the two of you in here, but at the same time, the thin walls made you hyper-aware of your own loudness. Guess it's time to eat your words about the noisy neighbors, huh?

Jaemin kissed you while keeping that delicious pace. He whispered both dirty and sweet words against your mouth as he rammed into you, his eyes only straying from your face to take in the sight of your bodies coming together. The room was filled with a symphony of sinful sounds that would make even the most hardened eardrums blush. Yet, you couldn't bring yourself to care anymore if anyone heard. Not when Jaemin had taken it upon himself to make you feel so good. He held nothing back, unleashing a chorus of moans and whimpering that let you know just how much he was enjoying himself.

At that moment, you discovered that you really liked hearing a man become this desperate in bed. But what truly stoked your fire was knowing that you were the one responsible for reducing Jaemin to such a state. It was an ego boost like no other, sending your confidence soaring to new heights. Breaking away from the kiss, an idea took hold of you, and without warning, you swiftly flipped both of you over, seizing control.

The game for dominance was on again, and you were determined to prove just how good you could make Jaemin feel. His chest heaved, his eyes devouring the sight of you bouncing on his cock. He was utterly helpless, unable to control his expressions or the guttural groans that spilled from his lips. It was a side of him you never thought you’d ever see, his vulnerability laid bare as you pushed him to the brink of pleasure-induced tears. The intensity of the sensations made his head fall back, his eyes rolling to the back of his skull as you squeezed around him deliciously.

Taking advantage of the opening, you set your sights on his neck, starting with wet kisses that gradually escalated to nibbles and gentle sucks. You quickly found his weak spot right below his ear. Every time your lips closed around that particular spot, his grip tightened on your hips, and his cock twitched inside you in response.

"Fuck... k-keep doing that," he managed to gasp out, his voice husky and strained from the exertion.

So you did, you kept sucking on all the spots that he liked and as you continued your ministrations he thrusted into you harder and more desperately edging you both closer to the release.

"I-I-m... c..." Your words trailed off into a jumble of incomprehensible sounds. The pleasure was too intense for coherent sentences to form.

"Jaemin..." The syllables of his name escaped your lips repeatedly, like a desperate mantra. This seemed to rile him up even more, prompting him to hold you tighter and unleash a frenzy of powerful thrusts that defied all restraint. He knew exactly how to hit that sweet spot, driving you crazy with each perfectly aimed thrust.

He adjusted his position, sitting up slightly to gain better control. This subtle shift allowed him to fuck deeper into you. "Jaemin, fu-—" You couldn't hold back, sinking your teeth into his shoulder and scratching at him. He was fucking you so hard into your second orgasm that you could no longer control your own body. The climax hit you with such force that it felt like a burst of stars behind your closed eyelids.

"Fuck!" he yelled and with a few more sloppy thrusts, he finally came undone, riding the waves of your orgasm until you were both spent. The intensity of the moment left you both so physically exhausted that all you could do was collapse against each other, breathless and sweaty.

You wish the post-nut clarity didn’t hit you as hard as it did , but as you mustered the courage to lift your face from Jaemin’s neck and meet his gaze, a flood of thoughts raced through your mind.

What the fuck are we now?

He seemed to grasp the unspoken thoughts that danced in your eyes, as he often did.

"Don't do that," he murmured, leaving a kiss on your nose.

"Do what?" you whispered back.

"Don't look at me as if something has changed between us," he replied, gently tucking a stray strand of hair behind your ear.

"But something did change," you admitted weakly, your voice betraying your vulnerability.

"No, you're still you, and I'm still me. We just know each other a little more intimately now, and maybe that's for the best.”

You furrowed your brows at his words, not quite understanding. He sighed upon seeing your lost expression and decided to just let it all out.

“Yeah we had sex, and it was amazing and I so badly want to do this again I could cry but no matter what happens between us, I’m always gonna be your annoying roommate," he ruffled your hair softly.

You let out a contented sigh at his words, but doubt still lingered. "Don't you think it will be weird though?…Now that... you know," you trailed off, averting your gaze, feeling a sudden shyness.

"What? Now that you've seen what my dick looks like?" he said with a playful tone, making you laugh and gently slap his arm. "Sure, maybe you're a bit starstruck, but I promise you, it'll be fine.

"Can you be serious for a second?" you asked, rolling your eyes playfully, but he gently grabbed your chin, urging you to meet his gaze.

"I am serious. I don’t think it’ll be weird at all. I don’t know about you but I really, really enjoyed it," he confessed, his sincerity sent your heart racing, making it hard to ignore the depth of his feelings. "Y/N, I've liked you for a while now. I mean, everyone else could see it, right? I'm tired of pretending it's nothing or that I can just get over it. Living with you just makes it harder to ignore. You're the first thing on my mind in the morning and the last thing before I sleep. I'm sorry if this sounds rushed or random, but it's not just because of the amazing orgasm you just gave me. I've never been this serious about anything in my life, and you know me well enough to know I mean it." The words spilled out effortlessly, almost like he had rehearsed them (he totally did).

You didn't need to say a single word in response. The way you were looking at him with such genuine affection conveyed everything without the need for verbal confirmation. Jaemin was definitely the more expressive of the two when it came to feelings but he was always able to pick up on the subtle cues and actions that hinted at your affection. Despite your tough exterior and cutthroat attitude towards others, he noticed how you always softened in his presence. Your face would light up, that permanent frown vanishing, as soon as he acted silly or cracked a joke. And when it came to physical touch, he saw how guarded you were with everyone else, even your closest friends. Yet, you always welcomed his hugs and kisses freely, as if it was second nature. All these little signs had added up over time, painting a clear picture of your feelings, even if it was challenging for you to express them in words. Jaemin had picked up on those clues, cherishing each one as the evidence that confirmed what he had hoped for all along – that you liked him just as much as he liked you.

"Oh, and I meant it when I said I'd love to do it again," he added after a few seconds, trying to play it cool.

"Same here... and, uh, by the way, your mascara is all smudged," you blurted out, the realization making you both chuckle.

feedback is greatly appreciated! also feel free to send requests! i’ll try to post on here more often.

[count-lucio]

lucio headcanons because i can't help myself. just a warning that these are rather canon divergent, so keep that in mind while reading! anyway, with no further ado-

my objectively correct lucio 'headcanons' (i am normal)

- he has chronic nerve pain from the constant pain + stress his body was under while he had the plague - even after he comes back. he walks with a cane most days, and claims it's for 'fashion' (it very clearly isn't)

- the whole "missing an entire arm" business is a MUCH bigger deal than the way the game shows it- it's a genuine disability, not just a fun character trait. i'm begging you all to consider lucio needing (and wanting) to spend time with his prosthetic off. lucio phantom limb syndrome and phantom pains. lucio struggling to do things that require both hands on occasion and having to relearn everything after getting his prosthetic. lucio being too rough/too strong/etc with his left arm because he can't feel what he's doing. as much as he loves the gold he can't help but feel terribly insecure and incapable because of it sometimes.

- lucio is not even a tenth as stupid as the writers make him out to be for funny haha villain points. he's actually incredibly intelligent and a big fan of studying + reading "just because." he's very literate and articulate, just overexcitable (and maybe slightly over-emotional) and doesn't always express his intelligence in the best way (or stop and think before doing things). he's also fairly talented, and rather proficient in writing and playing piano - the grand piano in the foyer belongs to both him and nadia!!

- same thing goes for what an incompetent leader he's portrayed to be in the game... it's absolutely nonsensical that he alone was in charge of vesuvia for multiple years and that entire time knew nothing and learned nothing about being an effective ruler. perhaps he's not the most responsible leader at all moments and maaaybe he can be a bit. harsh. but i can't see military-tactical, hand-selected-to-rule-vesuvia-lucio being an INCOMPETENT leader.

- also, the previous count, count spada, took lucio in and taught him everything he knew - the game hardly touches on this and it's an absolute crime because i think the two of them had such a close (dare i say father-son) relationship and spada effectively took lucio under his wing and gave him the necessary training to be an effective leader before naming him his heir. the two of them were very... my parents hate me and i don't know what parental love feels like x i never married or had children and i regret it immensely, yknow ?

- his relationship with morga is much more strained than what's portrayed in canon - both her and his father were rather abusive throughout his childhood and he hides in the palace every time she visits vesuvia and makes nadia deal with her for him (i use 'makes' loosely - nadia would do it even if lucio didn't ask. she's not very fond of morga either and is sympathetic to lucio's fear of her).

- speaking of nadia, the two of them really don't hate eachother all that much. their relationship is much more complicated than what's shown in the game (everyone's is, really, it's all a lot more blurry and queerplatonic than what was written to make it work as a romance game) and while they most definitely butt heads quite often, she by no means hates him and they do, actually, get along a fair amount of the time. they have quite a bit in common and work well together. most of the time.

- contrary to popular belief, mercedes and melchior are not unruly and untrained- they're both trained impeccably, just in lucio's native language, making him the only person capable of controlling them. however when it is him in charge, the three of them are a force to be reckoned with (especially when out hunting) and mercedes and melchior move flawlessly alongside him, nearly predicting what he wants without him even having to speak it aloud. they're impeccably behaved- just for him and him alone.

- on the topic of languages- lucio was raised speaking something different than what is spoken throughout the game. there is no direct real-world equivalent but it's... scandinavian in nature. he has the faintest hint of an accent (and no, it isn't a jersey accent) but he's been speaking other languages for so long it's not quite as noticeable as it was during his mercenary days - although it is quite a bit more noticeable when he's drunk, and he's very prone to cursing in his native language.

[plussizefantasia]

hey ok ok here it goes please: i was wondering if you could make a thor x plus size reader where. she was one of his online friends when he was chubby and drunk. and then he didnt update his profile picture so you thought he would look like chubby thor when you both decided to meet in person. but he actual was normal fit thor when he showed up and the plus size reader is afraid to accept a date from him thinking its all a joke. no one could like her in her head and she didnt wanna get hurt from him thinking he couldnt like her being plus size and thor being all charming and loving and thinks she looks like a goddess? idk something like that?

My Goddess

A/N: Dear god I'm so sorry. I have fallen off the face of the planet and have left this amazing ask in my box for literal months. Anyway... I hope you like this I've been working on it for a while.

Pairing: Thor x PlusSize!reader

Word Count: ~1,600

You were nervous, beyond nervous. Even though it had been probably five years since you had gone on a date you were going on a date with a guy you had only ever seen pictures of. Through a convoluted chain of friends who knew friends who knew single friends, you had been given the number Thor. Yes, that Thor, the God of Thunder himself, actual Avenger, and totally hottie Thor. 

No matter what his reputation was he was very sweet. He talked to you all the time, the two of you texted and called and had been speaking for about six months now. The distance had been off-putting at first, you were in New York City working your dream job and he was leading his people in New Asgard halfway across the world. Regardless you had made it work, even with the time difference.

 You had exchanged some pictures about two weeks in and while you were surprised at the shape the actual God was in you found him arguably even more attractive with the bit of gut he had grown. He had told you about his battle with his mental health, how losing his brother and the battle with Thanos had taken a toll on his confidence in himself. He confided in you that he didn’t feel fit to be a King, that he thought he had let his people down, and that he knew he had let himself go but he didn’t see the point in training anymore. 

You sent pictures of yourself in exchange and also revealed your insecurities. How you thought that you were too much in every way, too loud, too big, too opinionated. That the messages you had received from the people in your life had torn you down and that you sometimes struggled to hold the pieces together. You both bonded over your vulnerabilities and for the first time in a very long time, you were happy.

At first, you had expected him to stop talking to you, it had been a good run and you were happy that you had talked to the literal legend at all. But the sight of your body had been a turn-off for so many before, you didn’t think a literal god would be any different. But he just praised you for your beauty and continued flirting with you. He made you feel stunning with the way he articulated his thoughts about you. He spoke in sonnets and was generous with his praise. You had never been in a relationship like that before, sure you had had boyfriends before but they never waxed poetic about you. Your weight was always something to be looked over because your personality was so great. 

They hadn’t liked you because of your body but despite it.

Thor wasn’t like that, he was charismatic and charming, you supposed that came with the territory of being a prince. He was also terrifying. 

The first time he asked to meet up in person was a few days after you sent over the first picture. He had told you how much he loved talking with you and that he wanted to spend time with you in person and show you a good time. He had told you he could come to New York, that he wanted to just see you, to hold you, to be with you. You had turned him down.

It wasn’t that you didn’t want to meet him because you would be crazy to not want to be wrapped up in his arms, not only was he one of the most amazing guys you had ever met but he treated you well (and he was a god). It was just your insecurity that kept you from meeting in person, your worries about yourself always got in the way. And they continued to get in the way until you got a little too tipsy one night and dared yourself to invite him out dancing. You woke up the next morning with a massive hangover and a place and time to meet the God of Thunder.

That led you to tonight, meeting Thor at one of the more relaxed clubs near your place in an outfit that had taken way too long to settle on being nervous as hell. You knew that you would recognize him when he walked through the door, he was pretty distinct even without all the fame. But your anxiety had you arriving half an hour early and now you were just sitting and waiting for the moment he walked through the double doors opposite of the bar you were currently residing at.

What you weren’t expecting was the beefy Viking-esque hero who had waltzed in the door. He looked good. He looked more than good, he looked majestic. He looked thinner than in his photo. 

You had heard about the second battle the Avengers had had with Thanos, you had tearfully thanked Thor over the phone when you had received an extremely confused text from your little brother who had been dusted the five years prior. You just didn’t think that Thor getting back into the Avenging game would mean that he would zap back into perfect shape this soon. After all, it had only been about a month.

But here he was. Decked out in a black button-up with the sleeves rolled about three-quarters of the way. Dark jeans that hugged his ass just right and some deep red sneakers that looked to be somewhat well-worn. His golden hair was braided intricate and adorned with metal rings and beads to hold it into place. He had shaved his beard you clocked, and the long locks that cascaded off his face were replaced with a closer cut, it was still there but it was much neater, and you could see even more of his beautiful, beautiful face.

It took several seconds to decide on whether or not to flee. This was not the guy you had agreed to meet, you agreed to meet the soft man who was vulnerable with you, this was a warrior who commanded attention. The attention you weren’t sure you wanted on yourself.

In the time you took debating with yourself and making an escape plan, he had noticed you and made his way over to where you were seated at the end of the bar.

“Your pictures did not do you justice, you are even more angelic in person” his words caught you off guard and sent a jolt up your spine and right into your cheeks, turning them crimson. You took another sip of your drink and placed your cup down on top of the napkin laying on the bar. 

“Neither do yours, You're much… taller than I thought you’d be.” He laughs at your words and leans his hip against the bar in front of you. His upper body encroached in on your space and sent more blood rushing toward your cheeks. 

In a sudden moment of vulnerability, he looks into your eyes and asks “Is that a problem? Me being too… tall?” You know what he was asking, he had changed and he knows that. He was asking if you still wanted him. If you wanted to be with him now even though he was no longer the man in the pictures whom you have connected to.

“No, no I don’t think it is” You smile and place your hand on his. The smile that lights up his face is more than enough for you to know you said the right thing. 

The two of you talk and talk all evening. He charms you and you charm him right back. You feel like a live wire, energy coursing through your veins. He is a drug and you are already an addict, but there is something that holds you back.

“I have to ask,” you started “Why did you want to meet me?” apparently it was your turn to be vulnerable. “I know I’m not exactly the most gorgeous woman out there” You duck your head and get suddenly get very interested in your drink. You think this is your fourth, maybe it’s your fifth you can’t remember. Either way, you're feeling floaty and need to know what’s going on in his brain before this goes any further.

He places two of his fingers under your chin and lifts until your eyes meet his. “I wanted to meet you because you have bewitched me. Your beauty is beyond measure, I have traveled the nine realms and have never beheld a more marvelous visage than when I was graced with your image. You have captured my heart with your wit and charm and most importantly you have made me want to be better.” His words stole the air from your lungs and there was only one thing you could think to do.

You lunged forward and grabbed his face with your hands, you placed your lips on his and closed your eyes, waiting and praying for him to reciprocate your bold move. You didn’t have to wait for very long, in the next moment his fingers had woven into your hair and his tongue was swiping against the crease of your lips.

It felt otherworldly, you and he wrapped up in each other, as cliche as it sounded everything but you two fell away. You could live like this, you could die like this and you would go happily. Eventually, you two had to separate, even gods had to breathe.

Your foreheads met one another and he chuckled against you.

“My goddess” he had whispered in between the two of you.

You kissed him again.

[jamiesfootball]

After careful consideration and a lot of angry tags, I think I have pinpointed for me where Ted Lasso, especially season three, fails to succeed all the way at the themes it explores.

The narrative uses the deconstruction of toxic masculinity to paint their characters as being stronger for having let go of their preconceived notions of acceptable behavior - but the narrative also never lets their characters be weak or fragile without having toxic masculinity to blame. And there are a lot of situations in this show where you would expect someone to go ‘hey man, are you okay? Are you doing alright? because that was a shit thing that happened. it’s okay if you’re not okay.’

And it never does.

There’s an undercurrent in how scenes play out that suggests that the male characters should be strong enough to deal with hand they’ve been dealt. The narrative suggests that they’re the ones who need corrected. They can act better, but they can not be treated better themselves as a result. The male characters are allowed to express themselves, but they are not allowed to ask for anything back from the situation.

Which is why you can have a fight with your assistant coach, but when he comes back to apologize you don’t articulate how it made you feel. You don’t tell your friend how he hurt your feelings. You just accept it and move on.

The Diamond Dogs give advice on how to handle external problems with  emotional roots. They never discuss how they feel internally on its own merit.

The closest we got to a male character just having a bad one and expressing it without a clear source of external conflict? Jamie in the boot room. And that was played for laughs.

Which is why you could be in a deep depression over losing your career of twenty years and part of your mobility, I guess. But also maybe that’s a problem of you not being able to let go, and maybe you should apologize for not moving on sooner? We should pity Roy for getting so stuck in his own shit all the time. Not because the man has lived an incredibly stressful and emotionally isolated life in a high pressure environment for so long he doesn’t have the tools to deal with it, but because the narrative would like us to know if he just stopped getting in his own way all the time, this wouldn’t be a problem.

Is your ex-wife seeing someone else, who happens to also be the person who was your marriage counselor? I don’t know man, relationships are hard. Don’t worry about how hard that must have shaken your trust in a profession that already made you feel skittish. Maybe you should stop obsessing over her and move on.

Your girlfriend can tell all your friends and coworkers how you’re too smothering. Yes, this is the ‘learn how to communicate better’ show, but that was on you, really. Good on you for apologizing for smothering her.

The women may have worrying relationships with people who love bomb them or turn out to be controlling, but Jane and Beard are just a bit weird. Don’t worry about it, Higgins.

You can take accountability for your actions, but if it was your email who was hacked - who cares? You apologized, and everyone is very proud of you. We won’t ever bring up how incredibly mortifying that must have been for you to realize, because something more mortifying happened to someone else.

You can show your emotions, but not the angry ones, not the bad ones - those you should get a hold on, no matter how warranted they are. The stronger you are, the more divorced from toxic masculinity you are, the less those things should matter.

Struggling with your abusive dad and how his relationship with you has literally scared you so badly that you keep looking over your shoulder, afraid he’ll be there? That is clearly the anger talking. This is definitely not a situation that calls for your pseudo-father figure to put his hand on your shoulder, look you in the eye, and say, “i’m really sorry to hear that, son, but you know we got your back. Ain’t nothing bad gonna happen to you while we’re here.” 

No no, this is a you problem and you can correct it by forgiving that man who hurt you. In fact, you thank him for motivating you. It was the anger that got you this far. It wasn’t getting up at 4am every morning for extra training. It wasn’t your mentor, the one invested all his time in helping you. It wasn’t the coach who gave you a second chance when you blew your whole life up to get away from that man. It wasn’t your own drive and passion and love for the sport that pushed you towards succeeding in a career you only had a one-in-a-million chance of ever getting. No, it was the anger that carried you. You should let that go. And hey - what if hypothetically speaking, he might try to be better too one day? You can’t hold it against him. You should let that go too.

Breakdowns and displays of crying are fine, but expecting people to care or show concern afterwards? The narrative doesn’t know her. The narrative will not validate that. We don’t see what happened after Wembley. We don’t see what happened when Isaac came back to the locker room after blowing up. What the show will validate, however, is moving on. Just be a goldfish, or forgive and forget. 

And finally-

Embrace your feelings, but not too hard - you can’t be trusted with them, actually.

Can you imagine that we actually got a scene of Roy telling Jamie that he was worried if either of them pursued Keeley it might ruin their friendship? Can you imagine? From the beginning they have butted heads. From the beginning, Roy has struggled to actually articulate his feelings, especially to the people they involve. And here is Roy doing exactly what the narrative has been teaching him to do - he voiced a feeling that was bothering him to the person who was involved in the problem. Unprompted. He did that on his own. After three seasons of being told that is what he should do when he has a problem, that should have been the moment of narrative reward. That would have been the audience’s release of tension: they’re still at odds, they’re still the same bull-headed people they’ve always been, but they’ve learned to talk about it. No matter what happens next, at least, they’ve gotten this far.

Instead the narrative rewarded him, and us, by having them fight it out in a back alley. Because they’re idiots, and they can’t be trusted to handle their feelings without someone else in the narrative (Keeley) setting them straight.

Yes, people backslide in real life all the time. But when the narrative backslides at the very end of the story - that’s just nihilism. That’s what this felt like - all that progress and promise that you can be better, and two of the people who struggled the most tripped at the finish line. The audience don’t even get to see them pick back up. I mean they’re fine now, I guess. They went for kebabs. I have to assume it worked out. I guess after that they found a way to be happy, but I would have preferred to see them find a way to be happy by way of their own actions. Not in a fanfic. Not by way of imagining how it went afterwards. Not by what’s implied in a montage. By the story actually showing me they could get there on their own.

And the worst part about all of this is that when the show gets it right? It fucking sings. The team coming together to repair Ola’s? That sings. Ted’s ‘ain’t nobody in this room alone’ speech? Wonderful. Trent telling Colin that ‘some people need time to adjust; it’s not fair, but they do’? So delicately wielded, so painful. Beard’s speech to Nate about stealing a loaf of meth? Chef’s kiss. Ted forgiving Rebecca when he learns why she brought him to coach Richmond? The tears in his eyes when he tells her ‘divorce is hard’?

The hug at Wembley.

That’s what I wanted, from start to finale. When the show knew how to wield its empathy, it wielded it like a knife, cutting into the deepest parts of your heart.

Which is why when it does mess up, it hurts so much worse. Because by season three, the show has sunk so far into the deconstruction of things that it’s forgotten that what it fixed were not the only problems those characters ever faced. The show zoomed in too close on the themes. It forgot that at its roots, the its biggest strength has been its empathy. And that to me is where the show failed.

[heliza24]

Wilhelm closing the curtains

I know people have varying opinions on the moment when Wilhelm closes the curtains in 2.5, but to me it’s always felt really special, in a way that goes beyond a reaction to past trauma. There is something about that action that feels really sacred to me, but I was struggling to articulate what until I started talking with @bluedalahorse about it. She said something so great that it sparked a bunch of ideas in my head: what if we thought about Hillerska, not just as a school deeply entrenched in the class system, but as a panopticon?

A panopticon is “a disciplinary concept brought to life in the form of a central observation tower placed within a circle of prison cells. From the tower, a guard can see every cell and inmate but the inmates can't see into the tower. Prisoners will never know whether or not they are being watched.” Basically, it’s a conceptual prison where because  you could be observed at any moment, you behave as if you are always being observed.

Now obviously Hillerska isn’t a literal prison; this is a metaphor more than anything. But I think it’s a useful way of examining the dynamics in the school.  Because the adults at Hillerska aren’t the only ones enforcing upper class values and hierarchy. The students are also policing each other  as well. That means that any student could be observed “breaking the rules” established for upper class kids at any time. An important part of the unspoken rules you agree to at Hillerska are to follow the traditions set out for you, and to keep the authentic, vulnerable version of yourself hidden. It’s very important that you only show vulnerability in sanctioned ways, and to the correct people.

There are a lot of tangible ways this system of self-policing manifests. There’s the “get on the table” tradition, which allows the Forest Ridge boys to monitor each other’s hookups to make sure that everyone is picking appropriate partners. There’s the pledge that August makes Wilhelm take after his initiation, to “never betray the proud traditions of Forest Ridge House”. And there’s the system of prefects, where one student is elected to explicitly control and discipline the other students. 

I would say that the royal family and the court operate in much the same way. The members of the royal family are always policing each other for good behavior, and the apparatus of the court and the royal staff works to cover up any deviant acts and reinforce the status quo. The royal family is always being observed by the public and the media, so they are always careful to act with propriety. So between the palace and Hillerska, Wilhelm has lived his whole life being observed. He’s never been free of the panopticon. 

Thinking about Hillerska in this way can really help us understand August’s actions in season 1. When August records and posts the video, he’s acting in the way that he’s been trained to do. Wilhelm has broken the rules in a few ways: by having sex with another boy, by falling in love outside of his class, and maybe most importantly, by being intimate with someone who lives largely outside of the panopticon and can therefore not be controlled by it. As Nils tells us in season 2, the rules about who you can be intimate with are very image-dependent. You can have gay sex as long as the person you’re sleeping with will be discreet. But Simon is an outsider. His ties to his family and Marieberg mean that he’s immune to the Hillerska panopticon in a lot of ways. So it makes total sense that August would act almost without thinking (he’s intoxicated when he records the video) to reinforce the rules and punish Wilhelm for stepping out of line like this. 

To return to the royal family for a minute, I am continuously fascinated by the way that Kristina reacts to Wilhelm threatening to post on social media that he is stepping down as Crown Prince. The most powerful threat that Wilhelm can make is to remove the power of his immediate observers (the royal family and of the court) by exposing his true self to the general public. The panopticon relies on your close circle observing and controlling you, but as soon as you reveal your authentic self publicly, the power of that circle disappears. When Kristina tells Wilhelm “you have to realize that there will be reactions when you threaten us” in 2.2, she basically draws a line between Wilhelm the Person and Wilhelm the Prince. Wilhelm the Person was threatening Wilhelm the Prince, and by extension the whole royal family and circle of observation. 

Because of that I think it’s important to remember that Kristina leverages therapy not as a genuine solution for Wilhelm’s mental health struggles, but as a tool of the panopticon. Therapy is supposed to teach Wilhelm how to better control and suppress his emotions, so that he can act more controlled while he is being observed. I know some people like to speculate that Erik was also struggling under the weight of the crown before his death, and that may be true. But I also think it’s important to recognize that Erik was using coping skills that were explicitly approved by the panopticon system. Wilhelm never knew he went to therapy, which meant he was likely using it as Kristina intended, as a way to help him maintain a perfect princely image. He was having hookups with sex workers, who could certainly be controlled and paid off enough to ensure that they never threatened his image. And he was (at least) casually drinking, a form of self medicating that might be seen as more acceptable by his family and the court than relying on actual pharmaceuticals. (There’s certainly a longer tradition of princes and kings drinking than taking antidepressants). I think that if Erik had lived, he would be sympathetic to Wilhelm’s plight. But I also think that he would have encouraged Wilhelm to deal with his problems through officially sanctioned methods, which ultimately wouldn’t have been enough to help Wilhelm.

So now let’s finally return to the window and the curtain. The idea of a window through which the prisoner is observed is crucial to the concept of the panopticon, and I think it’s really interesting to contrast the way that August and Wilhelm react to it. August takes the call from the palace, where Jan-Olaf maps out his future to him, standing naked in front of the window. August is comfortable with this system of observation and control; he’s consenting to Jan-Olaf’s demands without argument and is unafraid to be seen while doing so. He’s a part of and protected by the system, so it doesn’t matter if anyone sees him.

When Wilhelm closes the curtain for him and Simon though, he’s effectively taking himself out of the panopticon. He’s taking away the pressures that come with being observed and freeing them both to behave genuinely. I think that’s a really big deal for Wilhelm, who was raised in the royal system of control and is now living in the social hierarchy of Hillerska. As much as closing the curtains is a reaction to what August did, it’s also a revolutionary act. Claiming privacy in that way is a really big step in Wilhelm’s journey, and I think it’s something he had to do first before he was ready to publicly claim his queerness and relationship with Simon at the end of Season 2. 

[saccharineomens]

A small Chainsaw Man Analysis

They're referencing this post:

(Sorry i can't respond to your ask directly, tumblr kept crashing)

LMAO ok Anon you win but I can’t promise this will be very articulate or coherent

Ok so when I first heard about Chainsaw Man I heard it was The Manga Of All Time and the anime has been Majorly Hyped and Everyone Loves It so I was curious. Then I went and watched the anime and I was like ‘huh ok I mean. It’s good but it’s not like mindblowing.’

Then I read the manga all the way to the end of part 1 and I understood.

So the world of Chainsaw Man is set in a Fucking Bleak reality. Like, overwhelmingly so. The fact that devils exist and can murder humans on a whim and it’s basically treated as an unavoidable inconvenience because how the hell can you stop them, really, when they’re functionally immortal? The best you can do is kill them, send them to Hell, and hope they don’t die there and revive back on Earth. The protagonist is a 16 year old orphan who sold parts of his body to pay off a “noodle incident” debt inherited from his father, and then the kid was murdered by the yakuza he owed money to because they decided they liked devils, actually, and didn’t want him around killing them. In CHAPTER ONE. Why would anyone enjoy reading about a story set in a world like this?

Because of Aki, and Power, and the family Denji created with them. It takes a while for the ball to get rolling in the story, because they’re strangers at the beginning, but any manga reader is gonna know what I mean when I talk about how they love each other. Denji comes across as a sex-obsessed, horny teen, but that’s just because he craves emotional intimacy and sex is the only way he thinks he could get it. The truth is that his shower/bath with Power was the exact kind of vulnerability and intimacy he was craving, and it WASN’T sexy. The narrative didn’t treat it as sexy. Denji even notes that it wasn’t sexy, to his surprise, but it was nice to be able to be vulnerable with another person. Then there’s Aki, who imprinted on Denji and Power so hard he straight-up was considering quitting being a devil hunter so he could just live a normal life with his new family. He was willing to abandon his obsession with the gun devil, something that he’d been driving his will to live for years, for them. It was Himeno’s death and the letter he read that made him realize that the life of a country mouse might not be so bad, if it’s with the people he loves. (I know that’s a loaded sentence out of context but manga readers know what I mean when I bring up the country mouse, right)

I bring all of this up to show how even in a grim, dark, depressing world like Chainsaw Man, there is hope; and that hope comes in the form of love. Love in a general, not romantic, sense. Love of having toast and jam for breakfast, love of a movie, love of a family.

Now, to Makima.

Makima is Really Fucking Goddamn Powerful. She is literally reality breaking, almost as much as Chainsawman. (For the purposes of this essay, I’m referring to Pochita/Chainsawman and Denji as separate entities.) Makima is able to control anyone so long as she feels she has power over them, and she has a contract with the fucking Prime Minister. That’s a terrifying power. She’s literally the manifestation of the fear of being controlled.

And that’s a lonely existence.

Pochita/Chainsawman says it himself. When you’re so powerful, you struggle to make connections with people. Either they worship you and put you on a pedestal, or they fear you. You can’t get close to anyone, no matter how hard you try. The only way Pochita was able to do so was because Denji had no idea who Chainsawman was.

Makima doesn’t show this emotional weakness of hers, because it directly opposes her powers. If people saw her as needing connections with other people, they wouldn’t respect/fear her, and she would literally become weaker as a result. (The same way that as Chainsawman becomes more beloved by the general populace as a Hero, he becomes weaker.) But there’s a point where we, the audience, get to see this side of her. In her date with Denji.

Quick recap (of one of the best chapters in the whole manga, thematically): Denji and Makima go on a date at a movie theater. They sit and watch like six movies in a row over the course of the day. The first five are packed with people and are funny/entertaining, but not very deep. Neither Denji nor Makima are very impressed with these. Then…I’ll just post the comic here.

The final movie they see is more of an indie arthouse film. Most importantly, it shares an intimate, vulnerable moment between two people who hug. Denji cries because he sees this thing he craves, as I’ve elaborated on. Then he looks over and sees that Makima is also crying. We already know why, as Pochita said: she is unable to get close to anyone, due to the nature of her powers and the nature of her being a devil. Because of this, Makima craves connections with other people.

Makima straight up tells the audience why she’s doing the things she’s doing. If she has control over Chainsawman, she can have him eat other devils and create a world where those fears never existed. She truly, honestly believes this would make a happier life for humans. But the problem with that mentality is that in a world without bad things, in a world without fear…there’s no good things, either. How do you tell how “good” a good thing is, if you have nothing to compare it against? How can you tell that one in five movies is “good”, if you don’t experience the other four?

Why would anyone enjoy reading about a story set in a world like this? Because despite all of the horrible things that happens, love exists. It shows up over and over and over again. Love exists. It was there. It mattered. It was worth fighting for.

That brings me to the conversation between Makima and Denji I love so much, and why the end of Part 1 works so well.

Makima thinks that a world without bad movies fear would be better. She thinks that in this world, she could be loved. She thinks that in this world, humans could be happy forever because they never suffer hardship.

And Denji knows for a fact that that's wrong, because without bad movies, the good movies don't stand out. You can't say that jam and toast is a great breakfast if all you've ever eaten is jam and toast for breakfast.

And that's why Makima is tragic (because she's never experienced the love that Denji has, and never experienced the hardships he has), and that's why Makima is wrong.

And all of this, the whole conflict of the story, is summed up in three lines between Denji and Makima in a graveyard. It's perfect.

[tortured-demigods-department]

an unhinged (and unofficial) dissertation on the pjo fandom

so i don't usually post anything that isn't my-works-related, but i had a...mildly heated discussion with a fellow film student tonight about the pjo show and it's got me thinking. bear with me, we'll be here awhile.

as we all know, the first season of pjo has ended. i've stayed relatively OFF tumblr and other social media during this time, but i know there are a lot of OG fans who are (in their words) "massively disappointed" in the show. most of the complaints i've heard have been during in person conversations though, so this post is mostly going to be referencing real complaints i've heard.

i've been a part of this fandom since i was thirteen. that's nearly eight fucking years of my life that i've devoted to the pjo universe. i have written and consumed YEARS' worth of fanfiction, i have read and reread every book so many times i can quote them forwards and backwards, and i went to the bookstore every single year on the new books' release dates to pick up my copies in-person. this fandom, these characters and this world have brought so much joy to my life, and i don't think i could ever fully articulate that in words. when i think of this series, i genuinely feel nothing but happiness.

but a few years ago—around the time i started college—i started distancing myself from the fandom for one glaring reason. this fandom can be such an...angry place? like, genuinely, i don't know how far it goes back—maybe all the way to the release of HoA, honestly—but i wasn't here pre-HoA, so all i know is that i very much remember how much people hated ToA when it came out.

here i was, having the TIME of my life with apollo and his silly little haikus, and people are going to war over how the series' writing quality has gone to shit and how everything was better before, blah, blah, blah. IN SPITE of everything that series gave us—discussion of the repercussions of child abuse and ptsd, representation of lgbtqa+ characters, and deep psychological messages that really teach young readers, i think, how to better understand themselves and their emotions and deal with them in healthy ways. and it just wasn't fun to be in a fandom where, as soon as you go "hey, did you read the new book?" they scoff and roll their eyes and only want to talk about how terrible it is. (i also missed all the discourse on the sun and the star when it came out—PHENOMENAL read, btw—but i've read some things that lead me to believe that it wasn't well received either, in spite of how lovely it was.)

so...it's dramatic to say i "left" the fandom, but i certainly withdrew from it. deleted my pjo ao3 and tumblr, started over with a different fandom. but the love has always been there, and the show starting really helped spark it fully back to life.

but now, the same thing is happening again, i'm noticing. remember back in the day, when we only had the shitty fucking movies, and we were like "man, ANYTHING would be better than this garbage. literally just give us actors who are the right age and we'll be happy." well, now we have PHENOMENAL kid actors who genuinely are having a good time playing our beloved characters, and instead of supporting them, we're STILL complaining about them not being "portrayed correctly"?

i've talked to so many people who complain that percy is "too smart," which is kind of a bullshit insult to percy's canon character. in the books (at least the first five) we're seeing things ONLY from percy's pov. he's a kid who's struggled with learning disabilities and been told he's an idiot all his life by everyone except his mom—but as others have pointed out way more eloquently than i could, percy is a very intelligent and powerful individual while maintaining his goofy fun personality, which is WHY so many people love him so much. he's complex, and i think they managed to capture that really well in the show even amidst all the changes.

don't get me started on the fucking racism towards leah sava jeffries—i'm honest to gods ashamed that there are racists who call themselves pjo fans. she is so talented, and everything we ever could have hoped for in an on-screen annabeth. ALL of the kids are—there's literally no argument to be had there.

and then, if people aren't complaining about the casting, it's the series' writing. or there's too much exposition. rick is changing too many things. the directors don't know what they're doing. it's not a TRUE book adaptation. (someone said that to me, and i genuinely laughed because i thought they were joking. when the MOVIES exist, they wanted to make that comment about the show.)

are there some things i would change about the show, given the opportunity? god, yes. the set design for the underworld was horrendous. (in my opinion, of course.) but here's the thing. i have spent eight years of my life waiting for this show to happen, and in that time, i've learned a lot about how much goes into successfully producing such a complex series. how much money and time is spent, and how many people have to be on board to make it happen. it's genuinely kind of miraculous that we're even getting this show at all, considering all the ways it could have failed before it even made it out of pre-production.

and i think we, as fans, sometimes forget that we aren't owed this. we don't own the percy jackson franchise. it makes me so sick and tired when authors or artists in any capacity feel like they have to cater their works to the masses, because they know they'll get thrown into the fucking fire if they don't. rick and becky riordan didn't have to got to the trouble of producing this show for us. they chose to—everyone involved chose to—because they wanted to make something fun and enjoyable not only for the fans, but everyone who chose to be a part of it.

do you know how insane it is that, when you read pretty much any interview of pjo bts, everyone talks about how fun the production was? i've been on film sets. they can be ABSOLUTELY miserable when they're not done right. but eight months into production, the kids were still laughing and having a good time, everyone's still giving 100%, they're excited, it's fun. walker was willing to go into a diving tank for a full fucking day in order to get one scene—i know i would never have that kind of dedication, and i bet 99% of you wouldn't either.

i know this has gotten really long-winded, but i've said all of that to say that...i'm kind of tired of fans trying to bring down the show, and more than that, trying to bring down each other for having a good time. as i've said before (many times, i'm sure), i waited eight years for this, and i have had SUCH a fun time watching it. assuming we get a season 2 renewal, there are going to be even more new fans coming in than we've already gotten from season 1, and i want this fandom to be a fun and positive place for them. for all of us. we don't have to miserable and angry all time. we can critique the show, sure—it's not perfect, and it was never going to be—but we have to remember that television is an art form, and that art is subjective even when it involves our favorite characters. and we can accept that and still have a good time, because it's just more fun to have fun, you know?

this fandom has always had so much potential to be the BIGGEST, most supportive and kind and loving fandom. with how much representation this series has, with how much content we've been given, with the SHEER massive number of us...i've always thought we could be a really, really great community. maybe it's impossible to hope that we could be the best fandom on earth, but if nothing else...could we all try to just be a little bit kinder? genuinely, as cheesy as it may sound...it's just nicer when we're nice to each other. and when there's so many real things in the world to be mad about...i would much rather this be a place where we can come to at the end of a long day and just...feel at home. personally, i just think that would be really, really nice.

[borzoilover69]

I would like you to elaborate on dirk and Dave's relationship post game! 0u0

I want to make one thing clear. Neither of them are particularly bad people for reacting the way they do. They are products of their environments and their upbringings, and this reflects a LOT in their behaviour. This is my personal interpretation.

I think it starts off generally well. They have enough in common to talk a lot, and so much to catch up on! I’d imagine they chat for quite a while and build up raport.. and then as time goes on, they start to sort of get on each others nerves.

Dirk has a habit of over analysing and trying to get into peoples minds to further understand them. This isnt a bad thing, i think he genuinely does it out of wanting to understand and “vibe” with them better, but it may seem weird and unncessary for others. What with being isolated socially for so long, the alpha kids in general have some strange ways of saying things that seem perfectly normal to them, as well as interpretation, that strike others as off or strange, and dirk is no exception. They arent as handy with social cues.

This is important because well, while Dave is good at running his mouth, he struggles to articulate effectively when he cares. Im sure as we have seen in canon, especially with people he loves, Dirk will probably try to look too deep into it and reach a conclusion that isnt the best. Dirk needs people he cares about to communicate honestly and openly. This is something Dave will struggle to do due to his aforementioned inability to articulate when he cares the most.

Of course I cannot forget mentioning the abuse in the relationship Dave had with his bro. One that on reflection of his childhood later, led to him being incredibly uncomfortable with when he realised the way he was brought up was certainly not normal. It did not help qualm Daves nerves. Especially when Dirk said he could see himself doing that. Dave is compassionate, but he is not entirely forgiving. I feel that while Dirk thinks its best to be aware of this manner, it would just make Dave uncomfortable at the idea of repetition. One which i feel he could not voice.

Diving deeper into personal musings, considering some of the evidence that Dirk coveted Dave for a long time, Given how much we see him covet Dave it has a very high chance of flipping the other way as a natural prince of heart destroying and picking at himself. Dirk has a desire to be useful, a desire to succeed, and his accomplishments fail in the face of daves in both timelines.

Dirk has two people we are established he holds especially dear to him, and that is Dave and Jake. However with that level of attachment and endearment it can become unhealthy. Dave and Jake arent the best when it comes to communication, or establishing the most stable of relationships if canon is to go off of. Without proper care and communication this turns out bad.

I personally feel like as time would go along, the silence between them would grow longer due to the lack of communication of issues between them. Dave would rather skirt them, Dirk would rather bottle them until he eventually explodes. Its that or theyd have a codependent relationship for a while before cutting it all off out of a want to fix things by trying to be there for the other, but facing difficulty in their desires being too different, Dave wanting time to build up raport and slowly close that gap while Dirk just wants to get there as efficiently as possible and missing the point of the picture.

TLDR; If you put a kid through literal isolation for 16 years and give him a meager amount of social situations its going to be very difficult for them to aclimate to someone more accustomed to the ebb and flow of relationships. If you give an abuse victim a younger alternate version of their abuser theyre never going to be ok with it entirely.

Its 3 am ill prolly delete this later

[sm1l3b0t]

Orv ask game with a twist! (5) And (6) but also a personal question. What's your most KDJ moment while reading the series?

hello!!! ask game with a twist you say......

5. if you could ask the authors any question, what would you ask them?

id want to ask them what their plan for orv looked like when they first started writing it, and how that plan changed throughout publishing the chapters! so much of orv feels perfectly preplanned out and i want to know if they really knew how every part of orv was gonna go from the beginning, if they didn't how did they make such a coherent novel, whether there were any scenes where the characters/action just started running away from them, etc. i need to know their secrets for writing such a long and coherent book!

6. whats a headcanon i have that i absolutely believe is canon

i think kim dokja enjoys cooking and is pretty good at it! he didn't have a lot of money to buy ingredients very often, but i think considering how much he idolised yoo jonghyuk and how often in wos there were graphic descriptions of yoo jonghyuk cooking delicious meals specifically designed to make kim dokja hungry, i think he did try and cook when he could - and he was good! i believe he can follow a recipe book, and thats all you really need anyway. also, post epilogue yoo jonghyuk teaches him the secret ways of his super good cooking and kim dokja goes from pretty good to damn good. the kids always fight over who gets to eat his food :)

personal question!!! very exciting. whats my most kim dokja moment reading orv..........there are a lot of moments so its possible this one is just the most fresh in my brain right now but im gonna pick this one

obviously i relate a lot to all of kim dokjas moments because he was designed in a lab to be incredibly relatable to whoever read orv. but i especially relate to this moment. again, obviously i rely heavily on fiction to escape the struggles of my day to day life and kim dokjas obsession with ways of survival is deeply relatable (i am in the orv fandom, kim dokja is my favourite character, we know, etc). 'i just feel steady when i look at this' is how i would describe my relationship to reading on the whole and orv especially, so that bit of dialogue especially.

what makes this moment more 'woah im literally kim dokja' than any of the other moments when he talks about needing to read to feel safe/steady/hope/etc is the hypocrisy of 'fuck the constellations for surviving off of others stories! not me tho im different than yall <3'. cause like. its orv doing a fun little meta tap dance. kim dokja hates the constellations and is one. you hate the constellations and are one. its a very intense feeling of. it may be too early for me to fully articulate this. we are all readers we are all reading a story to survive and we are all being fucking hypocrites about it! very fun to me didnt so much make me relate to kim dokja as punched me in the face and went YOU ARE KIM DOKJA

ok this was really long im so sorry BUT thank you for the ask!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i love answering these so much :)) <3

[talistheintrovert]

OKAY. let's clarify some stuff for people who are confused:

the entire episode is not a dream sequence. aside from that just being lazy, it's also not what the editing is communicating. this show is very good at editing in a dreamlike, slightly disjointed way; it's part of what contributes to it feeling so intimate and personal, and nothing about that editing really changed in episode 6 except for when it got dramatic RIGHT at the end, but i'm gonna address that particular tone change under the cut for those who want spoilers

the show intercuts flashbacks throughout, even dispersing flashbacks of what appears to be the same scene (therapy) through multiple episodes, and intercutting current dialogue with flashbacks (jaewon's brother flashbacks with his father's voice). the last five minutes MIGHT be a flash forward, which means that a lot of the coupley stuff left from the trailer could be coming up in episode 7 either as a lead-up to the inevitable or afterwards in flashback form, but again, i'm leaving my personal thoughts on that for under the cut

ALSO, he definitely says "boyfriend". he says "남자 친구" which literally translates to "namja - man, chingu - friend" and used together like that is the colloquially understood term for "boyfriend" in korean; it is sometimes shorted to "남친" (namchin) but BLs haven't reached that point yet. REGARDLESS, even though that technically translates to "male friend" SO DOES FUCKING BOYFRIEND. the only other word is "애인" (aein) which you may have heard, but it's gender neutral.

the context of that interaction is important. he says friend, the attendant clearly notices the implication and says "oh a girlfriend?" and he responds with "no, a boyfriend" and then the cashier gives him romantic fireworks. it was not an accident or a mistranslation. just because jaewon is closed off and masks does not mean he's like that about everything all of the time. like he says to jihyun, its easier to talk to him because he doesn't know his baggage. and as somebody who is very similar to jaewon I find it so easy to say things to strangers that I struggle to articulate to my friends. I come out to people as soon as I meet them but coming out to my friends was hard. it just be like that sometimes.

the last thing is a spoiler of what's actually happening in that last scene in relation to the movie version of this show that came out, so if you don't want to see those, simply do not look under the cut:

jihyun is not dead, nor is he a figment of jaewon's imagination. it is not a dream sequence or a fakeout - jihyun does almost drown and it does utterly fuck jaewon up.

that is literally the only spoiler i know from the movie because i saw it by accident and then noped out of the comments section of MDL and banned myself from going in there because i hate being spoiled, but it's actively starting to worry me just how many people are convincing themselves that it's all a dream or a fakeout who are going to be really distressed next week when it turns out not to be.

i'm all for collective fandom delusion (i was in The 100 fandom for years) but this seems like the kind of thing that, as somebody who is also a mentally ill queer person who gets WAY too attached to media, could be really damaging to everybody the longer this week goes on without answers and the collective fandom delusion spirals out of control.

(and hey, maybe this spoiler is a lie, or maybe the show is being edited differently to the film, but i still think it's HIGHLY unlikely all of that was just to trick us for no reason. that doesn't really align with the story they're telling)

take a breath like jihyun can't and remember there are FOUR WHOLE EPISODES LEFT. maybe the show will end tragically or bittersweet but i don't believe they'll do that in a way that is designed to actively hurt us. this is a show made by queer people, for queer people, and they foreshadowed from the start that this was going to happen. it's not a dropped plot point or a fakeout or an accident of editing - everything is VERY intentional.

[a-small-batch-of-dragons]

QTA: Queer Teacher Alliance | New Student

Feel free to ignore this if you're not feeling up to writing, but homophobia feat. a 2 hour math test and homophobia feat. queer teacher alliance both literally had me in tears (god I need teachers like that) soooo.... possibly something else within that realm? Pretty please? Maybe there's a new kid (remy? idk i think he's the only character not accounted for aside from the orange side and thomas at this point) that's struggling? Homophobia shit happens again, Virgil has a panic attack, and Remy or whoever tries to help? Cept they're highschoolers and not very good at helping so they just kind of make it worse and now both of them are panicking and one of the teachers finds them. And I think you can figure out where it goes from here haha – anon

Read on Ao3 Masterlist

Warnings: homophobia, transphobia, panic attacks

Pairings: none!

Word Count: 3479

    You know, for once in his life, Virgil would really appreciate it if people just shut the fuck up about things they don't know. Seriously, whoever decided that it was every person with a platform's responsibility to use said platform to speak about something, even when the person doesn't know anything about whatever they're talking about, Virgil would like a word. Several words, in fact, many of them four letters, and then to acquaint their face with several different heavy objects. Repeatedly.

Point is, he's been forced to listen to some of his classmates discuss some celebrity's opinion of Harry Potter and J.K. Rowling for the past way-too-many minutes and he's about ready to rip his fucking ears off.

"I'm just saying, there has to be a way to—"

"There isn't! There literally isn't! She's come out and said publicly that she takes anyone who still engages with Harry Potter to mean that they secretly agree with her horrible transphobic views."

"But it's like he pointed out! Harry Potter is such big childhood nostalgia for so many people, what if it means something to them? I mean, obviously we don't endorse what the author's saying—"

"Did you not just listen to a fucking word I said?"

No, they didn't, they won't start to, and you need to shut the fuck up, Virgil thinks to himself as the other student sighs.

"Look, what about, you know, death to the author and all that?"

"I mean I'll kill that TERF without hesitating, yeah."

I don't think that's what death to the author means. I also think it's not actually called that.

"But like—are the books and movies really that bad?"

Nope. Oh, no. No, no, no, no, no, Virgil is not going to be here for this. He starts trying to put his stuff into his bag as subtly as he can, even hiding his pencil case under the table so he can ease the zipper open as quietly as possible. Pencil case, laptop, textbook, notebook, he's almost got everything in when suddenly he hears:

"Virgil! Virgil, come help me."

Absolutely the fuck not.

"Virgil," they call again even as he tries to shove his headphones in to surreptitiously indicate that he doesn't want to be talking about this right now, "Virgil! Hey, Virgil!"

"What?"

Fuck. Shouldn't have done that.

The first student sighs, leaning back in their chair. "Can you help me explain all the awful shit in Harry Potter?"

No, because I've got class in half an hour and there won't be enough time. "Uh—"

The other one snorts. "Look, I'm just saying that if you can't do it yourself, then maybe it's not really as bad as you're saying it is."

"Shut up, my inability to articulate doesn't make you right."

This is, in fact, an excellent point, and Virgil's going to use it to seamlessly segue his way out of this conversation, watch: "I, um, I—uh—"

See? Nailed it.

"Maybe Virgil's on my side," the other one says, "you don't know."

"I don't even know what you're talking about," Virgil says hastily, fighting every instinct to throw his backpack at their smug-ass face, "so—"

"What the fuck do you mean, don't know what we're talking about?"

No, no, no, not like that, abort, abort, abort—

The first student glares at him. "Have you been living under a rock or some shit? All the bullshit that J.K. Rowling keeps spewing about trans women not being real women and that they're dangerous and predatory, that stuff, do you really not know about that?"

"No, I do, but—"

"Then come on and help me convince this fucking idiot that her books are full of shit too!"

Virgil's hand tightens on the strap to his backpack and he starts edging toward the door. "I, um, I don't—I don't really have time for that, I need to go to class—"

"Period isn't over for another—" they glance at their phone— "twenty-seven minutes, dude, it's fine."

"I need to use the bathroom—"

"To do what," the other one snorts, "you have like, a mammoth shit you need to drop or something?"

"It's actually none of your business what I have to do in the bathroom," he spits, hunching protectively over himself.

"Whoa, man, easy." They raise their hands. "Calm down."

He takes a deep breath to try and calm himself before steeling his jaw. "Look, the internet is literally right at your fingertips. Google some shit or something."

"Yeah, 'cause people on the internet are so unbiased."

"Why don't—look," the first one says, "why don't you just give us one example, how about that?"

"Why are you so invested in me giving you an example?" Virgil asks in frustration, forgetting to get closer to the door—and his freedom. "Literally how am I involved in this conversation at all?"

"Because you're gay."

There's a faint ringing in his ears, he realizes after a moment. The entire room seems to slow down, moving in bullet time, and there's that whine in the back of his head almost like microphone feedback. His pulse thuds loudly in his ears, which is weird, because he was so sure he could only hear the whining but now he can hear this thud-thud, thud-thud, thud-thud. He can also hear some sort of really raspy thing, and there's a burning sensation near the base of his throat, which is strange, what could that be?

Oh, he realizes after their voices start to fade back in, I'm panicking.

Of course, realizing that he's panicking doesn't do anything other than slam every single big red button in his brain that says Hello! Time to have a Bad Time! In an instant his hands start sweating. His hoodie starts to itch. His chest keeps burning—that's what that was. His eyes widen and his mouth stops mouthing and he needs to go.

He barely even registers the run through the halls to get to the bathroom, doesn't even remember if there were people or if there are people currently in here or anything other than chucking his bag into the corner of the stall and slamming the door and huddling against the cold linoleum.

Stop it, he screams at himself, stop it, stop it, stop it!

He should be fine. None of this should be happening. He should be fine because nothing actually happened to him and he doesn't want to have to deal with the consequences of visibly having a panic attack in front of those two assholes and he doesn't want to deal with their stupid attempts at placating him afterwards.

Especially not their stupid attempts to placate him afterwards.

He can see it now, the way they'll stand in that weird and awkward way where they're trying to be sincere but they're high school kids so they only know how to do that weird handclasp thing that makes everything look like it's awkward picture day and they'll stumble their way over saying some stupid shit like we accept you the way you are and it's not a problem but something to be embraced or even just I see you, I hear you, I'm here for you, and he'll want to rip their fucking stupid vocal chords out before they can burble their way through some fucking platitude that doesn't mean shit and fuck this really isn't helping him stop panicking.

The door swings open.

"Uh, hey," the first student's voice rings out and Virgil curls up as tight as he can, "I, um, don't really know what happened, but you seem kinda upset, so I'm, uh, here to check on you?"

Go the fuck away. Go the fuck away right now and leave me the fuck alone.

"Look, I think we may have gotten off on the wrong foot," they say as they come closer, in fact, and do not leave, "I, uh, didn't mean to just volley you in like that."

A shadow lengthens under the stall door.

"We, uh, I mean, I just wanted to make sure that you knew I wasn't trying to be homophobic or anything. I just meant that—you know, you're, uh…you might have more of a stake in it than we did, so I thought it would be good to…get your side of things."

I'm not trans. I'm not trans. We're not—queer people aren't some fucking hive mind.

A very good point he would like to make out loud. Now if only his lungs would stop trying to flee through his esophagus.

"But, uh, are you—oh, you're in there." Two shoes appear under the stall door. "Can I come in?"

"No!" He sniffs and gasps. "Get out!"

"Are you—you're having a panic attack, right?"

"Get out," he yells again, voice cracking, "leave me alone!"

"I'm not gonna leave you alone if you're having a panic attack, dude, that's not what you're supposed to do."

What you're supposed to do is listen to the fucking person who's having the fucking panic attack in the first goddamn place so that you don't make it fucking worse, which is what you're fucking doing right fucking now!

But of course, his body won't fucking cooperate with him long enough to make all of those words come out of his mouth, and so he just screams again.

"Get out!"

"Okay, okay, you're upset—" yeah, no fucking shit, Sherlock— "so I'm gonna—I'm gonna go get someone for you, okay? Just stay right there."

Where in the fuck am I gonna go, asshole?

But actually, the tiny remaining rational part of him thinks as the shoes disappear and the door swings open and closed again, that might not be such a bad idea, to go somewhere else. Then he might not actually have to deal with the consequences right now and he can ride out the rest of this stupid panic attack in peace and not have to explain himself to whoever the fuck that asshole went to go get—

"No, he's in there, I swear."

Fuck, how are they back already?

The door swings open again and Virgil scrunches himself as small as he can go, huddled in the corner, as a set of footsteps moves along the length of the bathroom.

"Hello? Is someone in here?"

Mr. DeLuca.

Two different instincts war in Virgil's chest. On the one side, Mr. DeLuca has been nothing but patient with him whenever he's upset. He's been kind and gentle, Virgil dares to say, and he's not made a secret of the fact that he'll be on Virgil's side if shit goes down about queer people.

The other side, though, knows that Mr. DeLuca is fucking scary.

"I see a closed stall door," Mr. DeLuca says, his voice still quiet and soft, "so I'm going to guess that's where you are. I'm not going to get closer, I'm still over by the sinks."

Virgil sniffs and it rings in the empty bathroom.

"You've picked the perfect place," he continues, "I'm sure there's no shortage of tissues to blow your nose with."

Despite himself, he sobs out a laugh and after a moment he hears Mr. DeLuca chuckle too.

"Though I can't say the smell will be pleasant once you do, this is still a bathroom."

The part of Virgil that wants the soft and kind Mr. DeLuca is slowly winning the fight as his back and shoulders start to protest being curled up like this for so long. With a shaking hand, he reaches out and undoes the lock, letting the stall swing open.

"I see you've opened the door," Mr. DeLuca says, "is that permission to come over?"

"Y-yeah."

"Alright, thank you. I'm going to stand up and start walking over. If at any point you decide to change your mind, that's perfectly alright, just tell me." Footsteps and another shadow and a noise escapes Virgil's throat before he can stop it. "Was that to stop?"

"N-no."

"Alright, just checking."

He keeps coming, all the way over, and Virgil can't help but cower a little when his shadow blocks out the light. Still, he tries to peer up and see him as he comes around the edge of the door.

"I'm here now, let's—Virgil?"

At the obvious concern that suddenly floods his voice, Virgil can't hold back the sob.

"Oh, sweetie," Mr. DeLuca murmurs, crouching down and reaching for him, "what happened?"

Virgil just shakes his head and claps a hand over his mouth. Mr. DeLuca tuts.

"Don't muffle yourself, it's alright, there's no one else here. It's alright, cry it out if you need to, I won't go anywhere unless you want me to."

And fuck it, he's out again. He buries his face in his hands and hoodie sleeves and just starts bawling like a child. Mr. DeLuca's hand comes to rest gently on his shoulder, sliding around to rub circles into his back. It's so careful but it's clearly done on purpose to make him feel better and he takes it back, that kid wasn't an asshole because they did actually get someone who could help.

It just…takes a moment.

When Virgil's finally got a hold on himself and half a roll of tissue to blow his nose on, Mr. DeLuca smiles at him.

"Hello, sweetie," he says quietly, "do you want to tell me what happened?"

"Not really."

"Will you tell me anyway?"

Virgil sighs. "Some students—the one who got you, I'm guessing—"

"Remy?"

"Yeah, I guess, them and another student started talking about how awful J.K. Rowling is—" Mr. DeLuca makes a noise of agreement— "well, they were arguing, really, and then Remy—Remy asked me to weigh in and I tried to leave but they wouldn't let me and then they said—"

"What did they say," he prompts when Virgil chokes off, "what did they say, sweetie?"

"They said they were asking me 'cause I'm g-gay."

Mr. DeLuca's hand stills and Virgil flinches. He's quick to soothe it away, though: "Shh, sweetie, I'm sorry, I'm not mad at you."

"But this is stupid."

"What," he asks dryly, "having a response to your trauma when it gets triggered?"

"…yeah."

He chuckles. "I hate to break it to you, Virgil, but that's how it works, I'm afraid."

"That's stupid too."

"Yes, it is very stupid." He gives his shoulder a gentle shake. "Can I convince you to come up out of the bathroom? Not to deny you your space but I'm sure other students will soon want a chance to use it."

"Yeah."

"Come," Mr. DeLuca coaxes, helping him to his feet, "I think Mr. Prince has a free period now as well, can we have you go sit with him while I deal with this?"

"Y-you don't—" Mr. DeLuca raises an eyebrow and Virgil cows— "okay."

"Do you want to rinse your face off first?"

"Uh-huh."

He splashes cold water and scrubs at his face until everything's roughly the same amount of red. He pats himself dry with the shitty paper towels and runs his hoodie sleeve over his face to get the rest. Mr. DeLuca just waits patiently with his backpack until he's ready to go.

"Thanks."

"Of course. Come on, now, it's not far."

He decides to pay negative attention to the surrounding halls as Mr. DeLuca guides him around to Mr. Prince's classroom, only looking up when the door swings open and he hears the familiar sound of Mr. Prince humming to himself as he works.

"Janus! What a lovely surprise," Mr. Prince calls, "and—oh, you've brought someone with you."

"Mr. Prince." Virgil can't help but smile at the familiar sound of Mr. DeLuca being exasperated. "I have a favor to ask you."

"Oh?"

"Do you mind if Virgil spends the rest of the period with you?"

"Oh, is that who that is? Look up for me—oh," Mr. Prince murmurs, everything else vanishing as he takes in Virgil's still-swollen eyes, "hey, Virgil, yeah, you can stay, that's fine."

"…thanks."

Mr. Prince looks up at Mr. DeLuca and they exchange a nod like Mr. Prince is giving him permission to go off on some mission to—oh, wait, that's exactly what's happening. Mr. DeLuca pats his shoulder one more time before leaving through the door.

"Come sit," Mr. Prince encourages, gesturing towards any of the open tables, "do you want to talk about it, do you want me to distract you, or do you want to be left alone?"

"Uh—" Virgil glances at the table nearest him, currently spread with all manner of papers, "what's all that?"

"Oh, just stuff for the other class, you guys didn't need it." He waves dismissively at the scissors. "It's an exercise to help remember some of the quotes from the readings to use in your essays."

Virgil snorts. "Ah, yes, the quotes that are definitely words that we would normally use in academic papers."

"Exactly, see?" He perches on the edge of his desk and Virgil deliberately looks at the desk in front of him, sitting down and putting his chin on his crossed arms. "Are you okay? Do you need some water or something?"

"Nah."

There are a few minutes of quiet as Mr. Prince goes back to shuffling the papers around before he sighs and looks over. "Alright, I know I asked if you wanted to talk about it and you didn't say you did, but I'm nosy and I want to know what happened."

Virgil sighs. "J.K. Rowling happened."

Mr. Prince makes such an expression of disgust that he snorts again. "What the hell was a TERF doing in your free period?"

"Two students were watching someone explain that they still like Harry Potter but don't support her perspectives on things like…that," he says, "and then they, uh, argued about it."

Mr. Prince winces. "I'm hesitant to ask what happened next."

"No, you're not."

"No, I'm not."

"One of them basically volunteered me because I think they have the all-queer-people-think-alike thing, and I, uh, wasn't prepared for someone to just loudly declare my queerness, so…"

"Well, I was right, that sucks a whole lot and I'm sorry that happened." He nods toward the door. "I would guess that our fearless math teacher is on the warpath?"

"When isn't he on the warpath?"

"You make an excellent point."

Virgil lays his cheek against his arm. "Also, they started talking about 'death to the author,' and I don't—that's not what it's called, right?"

"No, it's 'death of the author.'" Mr. Prince glances over at him with a smile. "Do you remember what it means?"

"Yeah, it's when it doesn't matter what the author intended or didn't intend to put into the text, right? We prioritize reader interpretation instead of author intention?"

"That's exactly right, well done, Virgil."

Not now, gay panic, oh my fucking god, not now. But it's too late, he's already got a giddy smile forming on his face and Mr. Prince has seen it.

"Don't hide, you're allowed to be proud you're right." He laughs in surprise when Virgil buries his face in his arms. "You're never this shy in class, what's going on?"

"I've just had a panic attack!"

"Fair enough, fair enough," he chuckles and yeah, it's probably a better idea if Virgil just hides his face for a little longer.

Still, he can't resist the urge to peek out for too long, and he raises his head just enough to glimpse Mr. Prince working with the pieces of paper over the edge of his hoodie. Mr. Prince glances over at the slight rustle and waves.

"Hi, there."

"Hi."

"You feeling better?"

"A little."

"That's good. Do you feel up to helping me cut out some of these things?"

"Sure."

This is fine, he thinks as he actually gets to laugh a few more times and talk about the ridiculousness of some of the quotes, this is totally fine.

And to his surprise, it actually is.

(He thinks Remy was right about them getting off on the wrong foot, though. Maybe he'll go find him later and they can actually have a conversation. Not about Harry Potter, though.)

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[mikuchan]

BG3 Marriage Rankings

Mikuchan version. Would it end in love or hurt (or would it even get off the ground)? main girls and guys + cherrypicked side characters

1: Alfira. at the risk of being self-pandering, I REALLY think we would work. I would write my stories, she would write her music. I'd work at a Baldur's Gate printing press or something and support her music career. We'd hype each other up. We could adopt a cat.

2: Gale...I was a Gale Hater for a long time but I'm eating my words lately. He is very cool and we'd work well together. And to be real, "eloquent man who's very skilled, into deep lore, is also a good cook" describes both Gale and my irl husband. I do think I would struggle with the Mystra thing but I have enough past issues of my own to relate + hopefully mutually get over it.

3: Aylin. Again, "strong cool confident person who loves deeply" is just my irl spouse. I thrive under constant touch and reassurance lol and I appreciate loud people. On the flip side I think I would temper some of her brashness. I did rank her below Alfira/Gale because I'd be insecure about the immortality/mortality thing.

4: Karlach...we both feel deeply, but also both optimistic enough to haul each other out of the darker parts. Small issues like I think she's way more extroverted while I'm happiest at home, but we could make it work.

5: Wyll. We'd just be sweet together. I could learn how to dance. I feel like he'd enjoy going to yard sales with me.

6: Lakrissa. I love her but we wouldn't have crazy chemistry, if I'm being honest -- her quiet would set me on edge, my waffling would probably annoy her, etc. I think we'd be better as friends. That said, I think we're both determined enough that we could work together in like, an arranged marriage or fake-dating type situation.

7: Dammon. I haven't really dug into Dammon beyond basic game interactions, but he's sweet and I like his muscles his work ethic

8: Isobel. I ranked her middle because probably no obvious problems? but no deep chemistry here either. I like Isobel a lot. I hated her at first because I thought she looked a little like myself and I'm a betta fish with a mirror, but I'm over that now.

9: Shadowheart. I love her but we'd have terrible communication, we'd both go passive aggressive cattiness instead of bringing up our issues. BUT if we could get over that, I think we'd do well.

10: Minthara. I think we have the same problem of 'dislike' being our initial impulse re: new people (or situations, or things) (#born2hate) but if we were in a forced proximity situation like the bg3 quest, I think we would both get over it. Like Shadowheart, I think we'd either be at each other's throats and end in divorce or learn to work together and be one of those rude judgy couples.

11: Rolan. I waffled on him because on the one hand, I think we'd do very well at pushing each other to greater heights, supporting one another, but I also know we wouldn't totally gel. He's more committed than I am, but I'm more quick to be indignant and would get annoyed at his passivity under Loroakan. We'd be better as workplace frenemies slash cheerleaders.

12: Jaheira... she would not want me and my parent issues... she would probably appreciate my old lady hobbies but also I'd say 'pog' and she'd dump me

13: Mizora. I ranked her lower because it would absolutely end in divorce and possibly death (my death) but yes would 100%. I see a hot evil woman with horns and red hair all my self respect and moral quandaries fly out the window. I would sign that sugar baby contract. good time not a long time and all that.

14: Halsin. we'd be great on some coffee dates, but I'm too monogamous for his free love + not into literal bears.

15: Minsc. I would mumble something half-articulated, then get annoyed when he doesn't read my mind and know what I mean by it. I like Boo though.

16: Lae'zel. Low in this list through no fault of either party, but she would be unimpressed by me and I'd be intimidated & annoyed by her.

17: Raphael. similar to Mizora but lower because I like Mizora more, and I don't like Harleep.

18: Orin. I would try sooo hard. I would take her to Costco, I'd take her to a smash room, I'd introduce her to slam poetry. I'd buy her flowers and bones etc. I would give her so much love and support BUT I pass out at the Red Cross giving blood safely and cleanly with four kind nurses hovering over me and my weird blood. I would NOT survive a Bhaal ritual or even the minorest of knifeplay. She'd eatme alive.

19: Astarion. between first playthrough to now, Astarion and Gale flipped in my rankings. I wish him all the best but not for me.

20: Gortash, no shade to his lovers but I hate this guy.

[crehador]

top 5 things u love about smic :>

ohhhhhmglksadfjlkadsfj

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HMM

i've been so full blown obsessed with them for so long that i don't even know how to articulate all of the things i feel but this is a delightful question thank u and i will do my best to stay coherent

in no particular order

1) i mean look at them

like this is of course not the main thing that draws me to them but they are very aesthetically pleasing together lmao and why lie? that's definitely one of the things i love about them. the dark haired one and the white haired one is a combination that simply does not miss

of course it's not just their hair colors either, i love a good height difference ship but for smic i love that there's just a 1cm difference between them. the visual effect of ichiro growing throughout their knowing each other is so so so good to me. like him being quite noticeably shorter than samatoki in their tdd days, when he looked up to samatoki (literally) and idolized him, to being almost samatoki's height in the present when they're both leaders of their own divisions, more like equals than ever before

2) their unique ability to understand each other

ok so i'm actually very big on the family bonds (*komachan voice* KIZUNA) between the divisions, and i absolutely do not think ichiro is the only person who can understand samatoki and samatoki is the only person who can understand ichiro. i see them as both having many significant people in their lives, like yes i'm perpetually unwell about them but i also think they aren't each other's only important person

that said

i think both of them being big brothers thrust into a position where they have to essentially raise their younger siblings is a point of connection that really compels me. i think ichiro doing his best to take care of jiro and saburo is something samatoki can respect about him

and i like what that can mean for their tdd days. ichiro always being the oldest, and finally having someone he can look up to like a big brother. samatoki so used to being a big brother that it just comes so naturally to him to take care of ichiro too

kind of unrelated to this point but i've always found it sooooo funny to think of like what if they bonded over samatoki being like "my parents are dead" and ichiro being like "wow mine too" but then

then samatoki meets rei

and then eventually [redacted] as well lmaoooooo

3) the growing they have to do

i looove a good friends to lovers story, i looove a good enemies to lovers story, but i LOOOOOOVE a good friends to enemies to lovers story like holy shit

this is possibly the thing that compels me most about them, like the fact that they were so tight and then completely broke down? having to work back to good from that? mwah i can't get enough of that

and i think that breaking down is really important to them, it's not just unnecessary drama. in their tdd days, the way ichiro idolized samatoki was so unsustainable in the long run. he had to be a little broken to see that samatoki's only human too, that he isn't all powerful, that he's just a man. i think it's so important for ichiro to see that samatoki is just a man before he can love him like a man, rather than some sort of god figure

samatoki has his growing to do as well, of course, and i looove to see a version of him that really struggles with that. like i am obsessed with this hc of him going from being hellbent on being respected by ichiro to realizing he's like uncomfortably horny about being disrespected by ichiro lmao

4) bbmtc famblyyyyyy

alright this isn't technically smic-specific but i am really really obsessed with this future where bbmtc are one big family, and i can so easily see it happening when smic are together

samatoki is such a big brother that it would come so naturally to him to be a big brother to jiro and saburo too. and i think nemu would be a really good big sister and friend to them too. plus uncles rio and jyuto! jyuto maybe insisting he is nowhere near old enough to be anyone's uncle lol

my old hc before jiro changed what he called ichiro was that jiro would one day call samatoki aniki and i still grrrrrrrr want that to happen but i do like the canonical growth in jiro too so it's all asdlkfja;kldfj I WANT IT BOTH WAYS

anyway. i guess to relate this to smic, i love that they would both care for each other's families like they're their own (and rio and jyuto are family of course)

5) they're so intense about hating each other that i can easily imagine them being just as intense about loving each other

looove a smic that's just grossly ridiculously absurdly in love. like let them be cringe honestly. i'm obsessed with them but they're more obsessed with each other and that's exactly how i like it

[lilliesofinspirationvalley]

Everybody’s losing their minds about Oshi no Ko going the i/c/st route but it’s not going to!! Akasaka isn’t that type of writer at all!! None of that sort of weirdness was in Love is War, and I highly doubt it’s going to be here.

I haven’t even read up to this point but I know general context and I gotta speak my truth. Major ONK spoilers under the cut!!

Ruby is basically projecting Gorou onto Aqua and is now incredibly enamored with him… despite the fact that’s her twin brother and Gorou was way older than her even in their past lives.

Yes, it’s weird. That’s the point.

Ruby has to get a harsh lesson that Aqua and Gorou aren’t the same person anymore.

Aqua’s realized this from the get-go, I think?? But he puts up with his sister’s shenanigans because he’s just Like That. He’s probably going along with Ruby’s clinginess to give Kana and others the wrong idea so they hate him more. Acting like you’re into your sister is definitely a self-destructive thing he’d do, let’s be real.

Ruby is not beating the Freud allegation, though (as much as we hate to see it). Both of her parental figures (Ai and Gorou) are also people she’s projecting “romantic” feelings onto. Because the girl didn’t experienced a genuine family who cared about her when she was Sarina. Gorou was the closest thing she had to a family— and when you’re young, it’s very easy to misinterpret a general “I want us to be in each other’s lives forward” as “I want to marry you.” Think about when little kids say they want to marry their parents or siblings or cousins— it’s not out of being gross, it’s because they struggle to recognize/articulate love outside of a romantic sense!

This normally happens when kids are really little— but again, Gorou was the first to genuinely show her compassion and support when Sarina was 12 (they likely met when she was even younger)! Girl has been so deprived of love of any kind she is literally projecting everything onto Gorou, including projecting Gorou onto Aqua.

Idk if Akasaka would genuinely go this route but… c’mon. Look at Ruby. Take a good look at her. That’s a lesbian.

These are her girlfriends.

[jaskierx]

little pre-warning for suicide (i'm fine though!!)

sorry if this isn't articulated very well but like. i got into ofmd only last october when season 2 was airing and i still remember it's bc i got a clip on tiktok of the "is that blackbeard?" "no, i'm blackbeard" scene which is SUCH a good fucking hook btw. and before watching it i kind of actually hated it LOL like people do with anything that's popular and Everywhere it just oversaturates sometimes. and it made me feel kind of silly to go back on my own opinion but i didn't even really dwell on that bc me getting into it also happened to coincide with a failed suicide attempt (that kind of funnily also included a gun that misfired like in-show lol). and like i was pretty understandably all over the place, but generally still in the "i want to live" moment that happens right after you nearly properly die. and the thing about suicide recovery is that you don't actually want to recover. so it was a really up and down left and right kind of situation and you're left feeling kind of like a puppet with no strings that's also been thrown into the ocean or something.

but then i liked this show that was funny and silly and i also got to see trans and gay people existing happily and normally which isn't necessarily NEW but it did feel really cool and unique to be able to go Oh and this is the moment where they would usually leave it to subtext and then they actually KISS and it's like woahhhh. i didn't know they could do that... and then as i was still processing what was happening with my own life and like mortality i got to see this character go through the exact same thing and come out on the other side of it ENTIRELY by himself and experience love and self determination and actualisation and i'm not saying it made me want to do it myself but it did feel like a really personal thing for me (hence anon also lol).

and for the few weeks it was coming out i got to sit there and think about how he was doing and it gave me another reason to not do something again. like i am so definitely not the only one who can say "this show saved my life" but honestly it literally did. like there's that thing when you're suicidal where the things that you're sticking around for are the only things you've got so they're as important as anything even if it's like... going to a concert the following week or something. or getting a burger. and i really honestly stuck around just to love this show and my cat.

it's been a few months now ofc and it still sucks and i'm not better or anything but being able to indulge in something fun for fun's sake is the biggest source of joy in my life and tbh it's not gonna go away just because there's going to be no season 3. when i'm feeling too much of particularly anything i have a handy little balm which i know everyone feels but still. a little gifset of ed always makes me feel better if i'm freaking out so it's cool i don't care if it's a bit lame. i'm a bit sad for season 3 and everyone being sad is also making me sadder but i still have a lot of love left so ah. it'll be fine :)

if anything i hope this inspires people to have a little boom in the numbers re: content now that we know there'll be no canon to possibly diverge from and we can make up our OWN season 3 ‼️ which will be fun :)

hi anon sorry i didn't reply to this yesterday i wanted to sit and think about what to say

and then i didn't really come up with anything lmao other than you're right and i love you and i love this show and it's so incredibly important to me and so groundbreaking in so many ways and has made me feel seen in a way that no other piece of media ever has. the queer rep is groundbreaking. the portrayal of ed's suicidality moved me beyond words. there are dozens of other people sharing stories about how ofmd helped them to come out or meet their partner or start transitioning or quit something that was making them unhappy. i watched s2 at a time while i was really struggling with post-covid symptoms. i've met so many incredible people through this fandom. i think about the show dozens of times a day. the show brought me so much joy and they can't take that away

they can't ever take away how special it was and how much it's changed people's lives

i'm very excited to see what the amazing fic writers in this fandom are going to give us in place of s3. i just wish we could've had the rest of the story david wanted to tell