#he means so much to me ive been rambling about him for 3 days

[mxbitters]

i was really sorting books at my job in the children’s section of a library today and came across a graphic novel and for only about a split second i got to be like oh… grant morrison! since when did they write graphic novels for kids? and then i opened it up and flipped through and um.. yeah let’s just say somebody made a grave cataloging error, animals ≠ children’s book and i saved so many kids from a traumatic experience today. love u grant morrison tho

[ddarker-dreams]

hmmm.... i have a question. not really a question, more like rambling actually.

so we know that n darling doesnt want to get attached with blade, she mostly sees him as her fuckbuddy for a bit which i think is funny, hence she is his long term long distance low commitment gf.

but im actually curious on blade's view on this relationship. does he feel mutual about this? i mean, clearly he doesn't, but im dying to know the specifics.

does he not prod on the topic because he knows n darling would ultimately be his anyway? (based on... whatever elio's script says) or does he just... not care for any specifics and just already considers her his gf without said gf even knowing 😭😭 actually both theories sound more or less similar.

im so excited for ch 5, ive been rereading nexus over and over again lol (and of course... ch 3 and 4 has the most reads for certain reasons im sure you know)

me thinking of a way to respond without accidentally delving into spoiler territory GJKJDF

i will say that the answer to this question is different pre and post chapter 4. i can come back and give the latter after chapter five is posted.

OKAY, so. initial impression (after saving n darling from alister's knife attack in ch1), was... nothing really. a slight pull and nothing else. at that point, he knew the specifics of his job, which he didn't view differently from the hundreds of jobs he'd be assigned before. he doesn't usually bother thinking about the greater picture. he considers himself a weapon who will simply do as he's told until elio fulfills his end of their agreement.

for a while after that, he finds n darling kinda weird. he doesn't get why n darling thanked him and made her synalink offer when it's pretty obvious she doesn't like the stellaron hunters. it wasn't clear to him yet that in the same way he considers himself a weapon, n darling views herself an integral organ to eris. n darling's gratitude wasn't so much that he saved her life — but that he saved eris' 'life.'

he didn't actively try to understand her because he wouldn't care to. the sole reason he picked any of this up is just from the sheer amount of time they spent coexisting. it's inevitable he'd become familiar with her to some extent. there's that, and well... n darling is rather stunning. an assignment where he basically gets to stare at a beautiful woman for days on end isn't something he's complaining about.

what served as a turning point is the nectar guide incident.

(i didn't expect for this to get so long good god but here's blade's mental health going 📉 as his journey to tap n darling begins)

when he comes to, the sight he's greeted with is this high stationed individual weeping for him and desperately tearing her clothes in a attempt to stop his bleeding. he cannot recall a time when anyone has bothered to do so, since it's known no matter how awful an injury he suffers, he'll regenerate eventually. that aforementioned slight pull grows stronger.

regarding blade's reaction to n darling poking around in his psyche uninvited, that wasn't what actually upset him. it was the possibility he'd be less attentive to her safety if he were to go around searching for survivors. for some inexplicable reason, this irked him.

then, at this exchange in ch3:

“Can it really be considered a sin if it’s beyond your control?” 

“It won’t always be,” he replies. “Until then, I can’t allow myself to forget. You must get why.” 

You wish you didn’t. 

it finally dawns on blade that he and this diva-who-pretends-she-isn't-a-diva actually share common ground. that they're both stuck in this self-perpetuated cycle of guilt and admonishment for circumstances that weren't entirely their fault. he doesn't know what to do with this information and stuffs it away for safekeeping.

then another turning point goes down:

the dissonance between lear's id and ego/superego culminates to such a degree that n darling goes unresponsive, the psychic backlash is that bad. blade doesn't understand the specifics. all he sees is this woman he's begrudgingly intrigued by collapsing to the ground with blood rushing from her nose, while her noisy friend and quiet friend rush around. eventually, he can roughly piece together what happened from these tidbits: n darling's aversion to physical contact (seen in ch1 when he reaches for her wrist and she freezes up, then once more when she avoids him after the nectar guide incident).

n darling then confirms this: "What you’re referring to is a precaution my mother suggested. In the past, strange reactions have occurred after I came into direct contact with someone."

along with well-intentioned nona's exclamation: "i yelled at him that if he hurt lear you would turn his mind into goop"

blade wouldn't have thought to configure lear into things as soon as he did had nona not given this slip of information. he already had suspicions that lear and n darling had some sort of Situation between them, because lear isn't slick and makes googly eyes @ n darling like nobodies business, but this. this is different. he could write lear's googly eyes off as a crush, which is whatever. but n darling caring for lear to such a degree that she's fine with risking her wellbeing because she likes being around him that much? hence:

You’re so swept up in your thoughts, that it takes you a while to notice how Blade’s been staring at you. This in and of itself is nothing new. He’s been your shadow ever since forced this arrangement. It irritated you at first, but that blistering offense eased into acceptance. His vigilance felt befitting of a guard. Taking in your surroundings, assessing any threats; such is his prerogative. 

How he’s eyeing you now feels different. It’s as if he’s looking through you, not at you. 

“Is something wrong? You’re making such a scary expression,” you joke. 

at that point, blade is Not Happy to an extent that confuses even him (ch5 will go into why).

then he happens to be brooding in the distance, as he's prone to do, when he sees n darling looking absolutely defeated (post the convo with caicias and chrysus). he feels this need to do something about it, remembers how often she drinks that ambrosia tea, then makes some for her. he really was going to just leave it and then give her space, but, alas:

"Your body springs up of its own accord. You balance the teacup in one hand and reach out to him with the other, your fingers fanning out, ready to sink into whatever they can. Everything happens in the blink of an eye. Your free hand succeeds in finding a destination — settling on the abrasive finish of his bandages. 

You feel another texture alongside it. 

It’s smooth, cold, and visible through the interstices of his winding bandages. 

His skin."

this contact quite literally Awakens something in him (👁👁),

"Blade’s gripping your comforter hard enough for his knuckles to turn bone white. He’s leaning forward, as if ready to pounce, yet lucid enough to exercise some semblance of self-control. He reminds you of a starved animal trapped in a cage, salivating over a piece of meat hanging outside the bars. Goosebumps cover your body. This isn’t simple lust… it’s visceral, some primitive desire too overwhelming to be understood.

You’re the one he’s staring at with this unbridled yearning.

Yes, he’s teased you. Pushed your buttons and riled you up. Not so subtly flaunted the strength that lets him maneuver you like you weigh nothing. You might have status and mastery in your given field, but he’s participated in the annihilation of worlds; the end of civilizations that span back since time immemorial.

He should be the one in charge.

Yet as you stand here, witnessing how he tortures himself by not pouncing on you like he easily could, a thought is planted.

He’d really do anything you asked if it kept this from ending."

from this point to where chapter 4 ends, blade's brain is in some sort of caveman mode. he wakes up. thinks about fucking n darling. fucks n darling. waits around impatiently until he can fuck n darling once again. fucks n darling again. goes to (half) sleep. rinse and repeat.

not only is his mara manageable when he's around n darling, but he gets this thrill too? it's a high unlike anything he's experienced in the miserable centuries he's been cursed with immortality. he isn't really worried about the specifics of their relationship, so long as he can keep railing her on every surface around. n darling's body, how she carries herself with such confidence, the way she pokes and prods at him; he's obsessed. addicted. nothing short of feral.

every stage on his hierarchy of needs has been replaced with n darling.

[the-s1lly-corner]

Hi I’m new to your blog and I saw that your writing for ADC!(amazing digital circus) and I’d like to request a jax x reader(GN or fem) who is REALLY nice and soft(nice, understanding and helpful)but whenever she’s in her ‘days’ she has really bad mood swings(and really bad cramps) and acts the opposite of how she usually acts (mean,sarcastic and a jerk to everyone) basically How jax would be dealing with that

Ty and have an amazing day!<3

Jax x reader who is having a bad day !

unrelated to the request but for the past like, two or three days ive been bouncing between multiple different interests and i dont. like it.. i think its because im not quite done with my metalocalypse brainrot, and my tadc rot is starting to wane since its just the pilot out now but i dont wanna let go of tadc so soon and grrrrrr so now im sitting here bouncing between fran bow, the owl house, metalocalypse, tadc, and creepypasta, its all so weird and it sucks because i love all those things but i can only focus on one thing at once i hate this anyways mini ramble over, admin is just being silly with their interests because theyre bad at dividing themselves in terms of fandoms if that makes sense

honestly i think the moment you say something snarky to him hes going to do a double take, to make sure it was actually you who said and not someone else; as well as making sure hes not finally going insane

i think how he goes about it would depend on if the relationship is romantic or platonic... but i think regardless he would carry some annoyance... like sure hes an asshole to everyone and puts everyone in a sour mood a lot of the time but he thinks its funny... but when the same energy is there but unprompted it hits different

dudes just an asshole and messing with people is how he keeps himself sane unfortunately

if this were platonic and you guys werent that close he might just go about the day as usual, i think, doesnt carry much incentive to push through a simple "oh whats wrong", he doesnt strike me as the type of guy to go out of his way to ask how youre doing and what he can do to help... at least not unless hes deeply invested in the relationship

if you two were closer or even in a romantic relationship then he would actually be more likely to do something, like taking you off to the side to separate yourself from the commotion of the rest of the circus

its really only here that he grinds his antics to a halt in order to focus on hearing you out

not much of a comforter, though, i can definitely imagine him kind of stiffening up when someone starts crying around him. awkward "there, there," shoulder pats

[crushedsweets]

Do you have and hcs of how Toby and Ben would act together? - Hoodie

YES SORT OF . u know the drill this is my au and bens story is one that i changed a lot so here we go :9

ok toby younger brother family trauma issues lonely grew up isolated etc. ben only child got killed by neighbor for absurd vr theory now inhabits a virus-ghost-form that he partially shares with several other dead kids.

toby and ben wouldnt have gotten along before ben died. only because ben was just. a 13 yr old boy addicted to video games ... those kids r mean, and toby was heavily bullied in his childhood. the ONLY reason bens not a huge dick anymore is bc his 'form' itself is fucked up (he glitches, he has an electronic vocal fry and occasional stutter from glitches, he has a weird glow to him, sickly drowned boy skin, veins look like those green code lines, red/black eyes, HE'S LITERALLY DRESSED LIKE LINK). bens not exactly insecure about any of this, but he knows damn well he cannot make fun of a tic without toby shooting back 10x harder.

which ok yeah kinda sad that ben has to look weird for him to not be mean but .. . like . . yeah. it is what it is.

they met mmm... maybe when toby was around 21? jeff would be 16, and ben wouldve been 14. SOOO toby doesnt really TRY to befriend ben. he's too old for him and has no interest in being besties w some kid. but he has a job to stop ben from tormenting people online and drawing attention to weird ghost sites and whatnot, so he started talking to all sorts of ai- cleverbot being the main, of course.

of all the proxies, tobys the only one ben likes. tobys a dick, but he has his moments where he's funny and gets distracted during a mission, so he's sat and rambled and bickered with the ai on slow nights. ben immediately knew everything about toby, because he has access to every single file on tobys computer, phone, etc.

ben SCARED THE SHIT out of toby upon their first meeting. he crawled out of tobys janky ass computer one day and toby nearly threw up from being so freaked out. yeah, he's killed people and whatever, BUT GHOSTS R FUCKING SCARY (and he has .trauma with ghosts and hallucinations of them (lyra)). ben already knew exactly who toby worked for, what toby was doing, and thought it was beyond funny. ben was the first being who already knew all the slenderman lore because he spends literally. every. second. on the internet. he is basically the internet. and he watches them, listens through their phones, watches, etc. he doesnt know the details perfectly tho cuz technology gets weird around slednerman/the operator. so toby thought that was helpful, in a sense.

so pretty quickly ben was fond of toby. thought he was like, that cool older brother of your friend. the main issue was the proxies at this time were trying to find and kill jeff because he was infected by the operator and slenderman deemed him 'too far gone.'

ben was actually the one who proposed the whole 'okay. so you want me to stop terrorizing kids online. fair. now ive noticed you keep trying to kill my friend(jeff). stop that and we can be cool :3'.

eventually they all came to some weird agreement where. ben will stop haunting people, the proxies will stop trying to kill jeff, jeff has to stop doing his 'full course' murders, and eventually, ben just likes them enough to start helping them with cctv, police files, etc. it was a complicated agreement that eventually ended in friendship, sort of?

they play video games together. eventually toby does see him as a little brother. it's kinda unsettling because the proxies realize just how much power ben has when it comes to just...... leaking everything. toby thinks that 'ok well, if ben leaks stuff about us, we leak stuff about jeff, and now he has no friends and is lonely, so he can't.' but tim and brian are legitimately freaked out at the thought of their lives being ruined anymore than they already are, so theyre pretty courteous to ben

ben will really just hang around. toby can just be eating breakfast and ben will pop up and ask whats up. he's annoying and clingy, and he can tell toby is biting his tongue half the time. . but toby is grateful sometimes. bens laid back and funny, and toby could use some laughs, so its a decent time for them both

again, overall, toby is just kinda too old for ben(although ben wouldve been a year older than toby if he was alive), but ben is really funny, he's nice to toby, he plays video games with him, he comes and checks in on him randomly. so toby appreciates having a freaky ghost little brother thing hanging around. bens one of his fave people (which is only saying so much when the other people he talks to are like . . jeff)

[camywamycam]

what was left behind in the rubble P.3

702 words

soon to be harry x reader 

TW//WRITTEN AT 4 AM BY A SLEEP DEPRIVED TEEN!!!

A/N

I know this is a short chapter and im sorry 😭 I finished writing this at 4 am because I can only write at night since I'm with my mom and siblings all day and I refuse to write in front of them 😭 maybe it wasnt a good idea to start a full ass fanfic story with a plot 2 weeks before I leave for summer camp but yolo, ive decided im gonna have this fic go from the summer - hoggwarts and y/n will start acting a lot more like Sirius iykwim 

y/ns pov

................

If you had been in the right mindset, you would have impatiently pushed Remus away the second he stepped foot into your room. However, at that moment, all you needed was a hug. You clung onto the soft fabric of his cable knit sweater, which carried the strong scent of chocolate, cigars, and parchment. Remus held you firmly in his arms, patiently waiting for you to feel comfortable enough to open up about your thoughts.

"I hate him," you said in a broken voice.

"You don't mean that," Remus replied, his uncertainty evident in his words. "He loves you, he just... doesn't know the right way to express himself, that's all."

"Well, he obviously doesn't have that problem with Potter," you spat, your voice tinged with envy. "When I traveled all the way to Europe to see my biological father, I was kind of hoping he wouldn't be a total dick."

Remus sat and listened attentively as you rambled, finally realizing how left out you had truly been. The other children never spoke to you, and neither did the adults, except for the usual greetings. The more he spoke to you, the more he learned about your experiences. He discovered that while you were neglected at Grimlands place, you had met a group of muggles who had welcomed you into their friend group so at least you hadn't been totally alone. In the mere 45 minutes of conversation, Remus had already learned more about you than your very own father.

You and Remus continued to chat throughout the night in the room which you had made your own. For the first time in a while when you woke up that morning you didn't feel absolutely terrible. you turned to your side and checked your phone notifications before getting ready for the day.

you tried to sprint down the stairs as quietly as possible knowing the other adults in the house wouldn't be so happy about you sneaking off to hang around strange people whom they knew nothing about. It was almost comical how much they tried to control you when you and they both knew they didn't care about you in the slightest. As you raced down the stairs you bumped into a pale boy with messy black hair and glasses that were a tad bit too large for his face. "black." he spat "potter." "and where do you think you are going?" he said sassily 

harrys pov

....................

it was strange seeing y/n actually dressed. since none of the kids went outside we mostly stayed in our lounging clothes. I took note of y/ns red top, flared jeans, a jean jacket that was covered in patches, and Converse. She actually looked quite nice... but I would never admit that. 

"out." that's all she said as she tried pushing past me. I grabbed a hold of her wrist "What's your problem? You've been acting rude ever since you got here. You could at least try to talk to your dad." she scoffed in my face "Oh I've tried. he's the one who doesn't want me here." "Maybe he would actually like you if you weren't such a bitch." I was shocked at the words falling from my mouth. did I say that out loud? my thoughts were confused as y/n turned around and punched me square in the nose. Adults rushed in as they heard me fall into a vase smashing it while holding my bloody nose. Mrs. Weasly scolded y/n “what on earth have you done!” she screamed at y/n but she just looked around with a red face and big eyes as she rushed towards the door slamming it shut, not that anyone cared.

"don't cry don't cry don't cry don't cry," you thought to yourself as you ran to your friends' house. luckily she asked no questions and just welcomed you in with open arms. you eventually told her what had happened at Grimmlands place and she was pissed. both her parents said you could stay with them as long as you needed. they even let you move into the guest room so you wouldn't have to continue sleeping on your friend's floor. you know that you can't stay here long since school is starting soon, but you might as well enjoy it while you can.

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[cupoftaae]

Forever and a day (KTH x READER) series♡ boys never grow up. chapter 3

Summary: your lifelong friend is forced to face his true feelings for you once he breaks the number one rule of becoming friends with benefits: dont fall in love. He knows he loves you, but you on the other hand need more convincing of the most important thing: the right decision.

Genre: fwb. Roommates, friends to idiots to lovers, fluff, angst, smut, the whole 9 yards tbh.

Pairing: taehyung x female!reader

rating: 18+ (minors dni!!!)

word count: around 2k!!

chapter warnings: so much angst, some fluff if you squint. tae is really sad and reader is kind of mean in this chapter (but shes just confused its ok!) some suggestive talk but nothing major. i think thats all?

A/N- hey everyone! thank you for being so patient with this chapter, I apologize again for going offline for like 2 months, school and work is so crazy but Im glad to be back and writing. Enjoy chapter 3 and check my page for the previous 2 chapters. I will make a masterlist with each chapter soon.

"Honestly if you ask me, hes not doing you any favors. hes holding you back, he works from home and expects you to stay there with him, like a child who depends on their parent. its pathetic. I dont know why hes so defensive over you, He probably has a crush. Hes not very good at hiding it-"

you stared off at the wall behind your boyfriend, Kaito, as he rambled about the previous days altercation. you agreed to meet him for breakfast at the cafe down the street despite you trying to find an excuse out of it that wasnt: "I need to talk to Tae".

you had tried to communicate with tae as soon as you walked out of your room but he was afraid you were mad, and made up some lie about meeting with a friend. you know tae isnt meeting up with anyone. perhaps kaito was correct about the whole 'he depends on you' type thing, because since you guys had agreed to be friends with benefits, he isolated himself to just you. it was slightly concerning considering the fact you two are no longer exclusive, yet he remains emotionally attached.

"What do you think?" he spoke up, taking a sip of his still steaming coffee, while yours remained untouched.

shit.

"about what?" your eyes grew large, hands resting in your lap as you met his confused and slightly irritated gaze.

"about moving in with Chae? I just said it?"

you scoffed under your breath and looked out the window, shaking your head. he was still talking about this? you think he would learn and know better after last nights scene which was caused by this very topic.

"i dont....I dont know kai. Ive got a lot on my plate right now, and she hasnt even reached out to me about that so" you shrugged and looked down at your mug.

"whats going on with you?" he began, eyes scanning over your slumped frame. "you are a mess lately, you dont listen to me when I talk, you havent been keeping up with homework, youre always busy."

you sadly fidgeted with your coat sleeve, realizing everything he was saying was true.

"you know your grades are dropping in Ms.Daniels class right? you never submitted your final scene for the semester and she keeps bugging me to tell you about it, even though you should be keeping track of it yourself, Y/N"

you sighed deeply before nodding, feeling tears at the brim of your eyes. " i know" you mumbled.

"you are becoming distracted. dont let him do that to you. hes 23 years old and he is acting like that? keeping you from being successful just because he dropped out of college himself?"

you felt like your heart had been stabbed by your boyfriends words. You loved tae, he was your best friend, you spent all night in tears over how guilty you felt about this whole situation. you loved him, more than you had realized, but within those thoughts you also came to the conclusion that all you two had was sex. there was no dates, there was no true quality time together that didnt end up with you both making out. You wanted better, you wanted a relationship, which is the one thing Tae didnt want, and you know he would never date you.

Maybe that was it, all these harbored feelings which longed for something he would never give you. but you have kaito now, and its not fair for you to allow Taehyung to cling to your feet while also pursuing a relationship. what were you thinking? about to give up a relationship with a man who actually will give you want you want for some playdate? get yourself together y/n.

"you are right." you swallowed and wiped a tear, looking up at him. he frowned, "im not trying to hurt your feelings, im just saying what I think can help"

"no, no, angel." you reached over to hold his hand. "I need to start focusing on me and less on him. You are correct"

"can I ask you something?" Kaito mumbled, his thumb running over your knuckles.

"hm?"

"were you and him ever together?"

you laughed, shaking your head while trying to think of exactly how to word it. "no. we were never together in any kind of way" you offered a reassuring smile as he nodded.

"ok, im just trying to figure out why he could be so obsessed with you" he laughed

you hummed, "me and him have been friends since we were little, we do everything together and I think since he moved away from his parents, i remind him most of home?" you shrugged.

"maybe. or he likes you" he laughed again.

you bit your lip and shook your head. "no, I dont think so"

"ive seen the way he looks at you." he went on, sitting back. "im a man, y/n, I know these things".

"what things?"

"you know...like when a guy is 'intruiged' by a girl, wants to 'be' with them." he gestures. "to be honest he does seem like the kind to just try and get what he wants then leave" he added on casually, eating the last bite of the shared muffin in front of you.

you were in shock. Is that what all men did? did taehyung only see you in that way?

"and...how do you see me?"

kaito looks back at you and smiles, "i see you as the most beautiful girl, who I love immensely and would do anything for"

your cheeks blush, sitting back in your seat as your hands fidgeted.

"do you wanna just spend the day together? you dont have to go back tonight, id imagine things are....tense, back at the apartment" kaito suggested, standing up and tossing trash away.

spend the day and spend the night with kaito? but what about taehyung? another missed opportunity to finally talk with him.

"sure" you mumble. "but I do need to head home first for a few hours so I can finish some homework, can you pick me up around 6?" you ask, getting up as well.

he kissed your forhead. "ill be there"

-

Taehyung had been sitting by the lake while he attempted to read "The Catcher In The Rye", a book you previously suggested to him. He didnt understand this type of literature, it wasnt for him. He was never the type to sit and read, but oh how he wanted to be like you.

he lied and told you he was meeting up with a friend from high school, which he knew you wouldnt believe, considering he doesnt have any friends. He just wanted an excuse to avoid you and whatever angry words you had to share with him.

he realized a few things last night, 1, that the chance of you feeling how he feels about you, was literally 0 now. and 2, he needs to get his shit together. It would be hard to just throw away how he felt, especially with what Dahyun said last night. but he knew nothing would come from this. tae needs to focus on tae.

He never regretted his college decision, but he regretted devoting his time so young with some fucking business corporation. If he could chose to do anything, it would be an artist, or something like that. He would love to teach art to younger children. He loved kids and the freedom of expression, the freedom of just being and living. He wished he had motivation to go after what he wanted like you did. Perhaps he believes reading books you enjoy will somehow change him.

or not, considering hes reread the same page 4 times. he looked up to view the water. the way it rippled slightly with the wind. His attention was then caught by a much older man sitting just on the other side of the lake with an easel and canvas, painting. he smiled to himself as he began to think of all the possibilities his life could go in. Since the pandemic, hes kinda been at a stand still. Now the world is open and, truthfully, if he tries hard enough, he could do whatever he wanted. maybe he was too dependent on certain people in his life.

he looked down at his phone to check the time, seeinng you had texted him. He nervously opened the message which contained:

bumblebee: hey, staying over at kaitos tonight. im home rn so do you want me to cook something for you and leave it for dinner? lmk."

he scoffed. you seriously think he cant cook or fend for himself. Hell, you start a kitchen fire ONE TIME and suddenly you cant make dinner.

his eyebrows furrowed. he didnt care anymore if you were gonna spend time with kaito. you were not his to claim. you dont care so why should he? he wants to just forget about everything, the friends with benefits, the dream, YOU, everything.

you had stopped typing on your computer to read his response,

tata: no, thank you though. have fun!

you rolled your eyes, considering throwing together some miso soup and putting it on the stove for him. you knew he was still angry, you hadnt even been able to talk or sort it out, but he was trying to pull some act on you.

you left him on read before getting up and cooking, knowing he would end up eating it anyway.

Taehyung had stood from his spot and brushed the grass stain off his jeans before walking back home. He hoped he wouldn't have to talk to you, but the minute he walked in proved it would be harder than he thought.

you were stood in the kitchen, hair pulled back in a clip and you were applying lipstick through the reflection of the microwave.

you both saw eachother, speaking at the same time.

"is that my book?" "you made soup?"

you both smiled. "you read the book while you were with your friend?" you mumble, screwing the cap back onto your lipstick and throwing it into your overnight bag.

"yep" he pressed his lips together. "he had to, uh, leave early and I wanted to enjoy the nice air today so I stayed out longer. Brought it to keep me busy."

you crossed your arms and looked at him, nodding.

"hm, what do you think of Holden?" you asked.

his eyebrows raised as he looked at the book in his hand.

"uh, I mean. Hes a great guy" tae shrugged nonchalantly.

you scoffed. "no he isnt, hes incredibly flawed, and you did not read that book taehyung"

he looked toward the floor, accepting defeat. "Ok...but look" he walked further into the kitchen as he explained himself. "I cant get into it, I dont get any of the books that you recommend, like cmon what the hell is the 'bird that flew over the cuckoos tree'???"

"its 'nest' tae, and of course you cant get into it" you laughed to yourself. "they arent meant for you."

he put the book down on the table and looked up sadly, confused. "what does that mean?"

you sigh "it means you are childish"

"oh" he looks back at his shoes, deciding not to say anything further.

"you just like simple things, things that dont complicate you. stick to mangas and shit." you spoke, checking your bag so you have everything ready to go to kaitos.

you didnt mean to be rude. but you were fed up. here he is being all attached and in your space again, not even addressing or apologizi-

"look im sorry" he spoke up, voice raspy as he clears it.

you stand to look back at him, eyebrows raised.

"im sorry for being awful last night, it was so out of order and I understand I am quick to act like that and Ill do what I can to avoid it. Im sorry I made things weird, im sorry I embarrassed you and your boyfriend, im sorry for all of it. I am sorry that you feel like you cant talk to me, and im sorry for reading your book, or not? reading it? Im sorry that the reason I was so off yesterday is because I had a dream where we were intimate and it made me feel gross and disgusting because not even 5 hours later your boyfriend was in the room. im sorry that im too involved with you, you are my best friend and you are only that. I wont hold you back anymore, have fun at kaitos and text me. or dont, i dont care. Thanks for the soup." he spoke flatly, taking a breath as he finished then walking casually to his room as you stood there frozen, unsure of what to do or say.

"what the fuck?" you whispered to yourself, trying to unpack everything he just said. A dream??

you clutched your head and sighed. everything is such a mess. you finished throwing stuff into your bag and grabbed your phone, wanting kaito to pick you up an hour earlier, you needed to get out of the apartment and free your mind of whatever the fuck is going on. you needed to just have a nice time with your boyfriend.

taehyung leaned against the door to his bedroom and watched you leave with kaito. once you were gone, he shut the door and threw his hands to his face in shame. he really just let everything go there.

He wanted to rip the bandaid off, he wasnt sure it was the best way to do it but....kinda too late now. He wasnt sure what you would think of him now, but his conscience is now clean and he can do what he has been wanting to do: move on.

A/N: whew. the plot thickens. !!expect chapter 4 to be out friday!! comment to join taglist!

@taebangtanbabe

@turnthepageandbeburnt

[our-t4t-experience]

WE ARE :D

okayokay and also a lot of it has to do w transness

i am a t4t gayboy and i met this other guy whos the coolest ever and hes also a gayboy (i dont think hes t4t but !!)

ESSENTIALLY, as is in true gay fashion, i became friends w him at the beginning of the school year, and weve gotten more and more close ever since.

i have my seminar with him, and every day during seminar we sit under the table and talk about life, and his favorite bands (which are now mine, because i like to steal the interests of the people i love) and its awesome. i love being around him, his presence is comforting.

on A days, i sit with him and a few friends at lunch, and the cafeteria is quite loud (and i have major overstimulation issues,) so sometimes ill get overwhelmed and he always notices and makes sure im okay, and sometimes when i don’t feel like i can do it, hell sit with me in the stairwell and let me talk about whats bothering me and he’ll just listen and give advice. On B days, during lunch, we just sit in a corner somewhere and talk. he’ll always listen and help me and ill so the same for him. if its not him comforting me, i get to talk to him and hear him ramble about his bands and his favorite things and i love the way he sounds when hes happy - i love the way his smile is so bright, and i love the way he looks when he gets embarrassed and realizes hes loud (i dont mind it - its not aggressive.)

every day after school, we hang out for anywhere from 30 minutes to an hour, just. coexisting. its awesome. i love him. and we spend this time working on hw together, and talking about the things we love.

i have a very all-over-the-place tumblr blog, which comes with a lot of yearning, because im lonely and in love. but this boy, my boy, my crush, follows me and we like constantly support each others blogs. so sometimes, ill post yearning posts and HE’LL REBLOG THEM 💞. maybe im overthinking it but like if were looking for the same things in a relationship.. i mean !! it cant mean nothing!! like the other day i reblogged a post that was like “all i need in life is a boy to lay on my lap and let me play with his hair” and he reblogged it with the tags “#all i need in life is a boy to let me lay on his lap and play with my hair” AND OMG??? LIKE MARRY ME UGH gosh this is so exhilirating.

also the other day i wrote him a long paragraph about how much i love him (we say “i love you” to each other consistently, presumably in a platonic way, but its never been specified or indicated, sadly :() and it was like (ill include a little excerpt)

“[…]nothing can come close to [describing] the feeling i get when im with you, not by a long shot. its so much stronger in a way that youd think it would have its own word, like how "a lot" has "a myriad," and ones stronger, more intentful, more meaningful. if there was a word that was as to love as myriad is to lot, my love for you would still be stronger. i am more than eternally grateful for your presence and where you have brought me since ive met you. talking to you has been the actual light of my life lately.” AND SO SO MUCH MORE IT WAS LIKE 700 WORDS LONG - AND IT WAS ALL LIKE THAT YK

and the next day i get this:

“I love you a alot (name). […] I love you so so much. […] I want to give you all that you deserve. Because people don't remind you of your actual worth. And if I can be a start to help you to that path, I'd be so fucking happy. I, more than anything need you to know just how much of an amazing person you are. […] I promise to always listen to you. Always. It's the least I could do. You're an amazing person <3” WITH A LOT MORE BUT I CUT A LOT OF IT FOR WORDS SSKE BUT AAAAAA HE WROTE ME A PARAGRAPH!!!!!!

ALSO we call almost every night and i always text him good morning and hes the awesomest and i love spending time with him.

sometimes i also get text exchanges where i say “text me when you get home” and he says “im not home but i just couldnt wait <3” AAAAAAAAAAA

and “wish i had a boy to hold me n warm me up <//3” and he said “i volunteer as tribute!” AAAAAA

i think the point of this is i dont feel like he likes me back but im in love w the man dude like the other day he let me lay on his shoulder and he played w my hair and i nuzzled into his neck a bit and he giggled and i was like “hm?” and he said “youre adorable” AAAAAAAAAA SOBBFIANDBSJ and i just buried my red ass face in his neck and he giggled at me again and i said fuck you and UGH i love him so much and all i wanna do is just be his i just wanna be his boy and he can be mine and we can be boyfriends!!!

and also hes also so awesome because he makes me feel so validated and sometimes when i like my outfit ill send him pics of it and he’ll say “you look very boy / very cis” and ill be like “no” and sometimes hell tell me how i look cis and sometimes hell say he wishes i could see myself the way he sees me. i wish i could understand how he sees me. i wanna know how he thinks of me, i wanna know if hed ever love me the way i love him!! i love him. so much. id do anything for him.

thank u for letting me ramble, i needed to get it out of my system because i cant tell anyone else cause theyd tell him but god i love him. so much.

p.s. if you see this, i love you dude. youll know its you. if you dont love me back, just . idk . act like u never saw it ty <3

-🧷

send me an updated ask when u two get together

[flutteringfable]

OKAY SO!! DEAD PLATE IS REALLY GOOD AND IM HERE TO RAMBLE ABOUT IT. SPOILERS OBVIOUSLY LMAO

(all excitement aside, this game is best experienced blind imo! its free on itch, and there's no jumpscares [in case thats an issue for u like it is for me lolz]. there is tons of gore (mostly blood with very few organs), so please heed the warnings on the game page if that bothers u!)

okay ive talked about this before, but the art style is just soso gorgeous. the characters are so distinct and expressive, and even the npcs are beautifully designed. the art is, dare i say, tasty ;3

rody is literally the definition of a golden retriever boy (even to a fault!) and i adore his character so much. he's just a silly little guy trying to do his best but also he should really take some time to care for himself like manon suggested :(

vincent is also fantastic, i love that he warms up to rody if you continue talking to him, it's really sweet if you uh. ignore the horrors...

no jumpscares but GOD this game is fantastic at building a sense of dread. when the music cut out during the house party bit, i genuinely got nervous. manon's ghost (i assume) being in vince's window was also terrifying and honestly scared me so bad i hesitated to put my headphones back on lmao. i do love the lack of jumpscares, but that might just be my cowardice talking ahaha

u can feed the rat cheese but then vince feeds u the rat :(

i got the normal ending on my first go (as i assume most people do), and when manon didn't pick up when rody called her i knew immediately that she was the steak that you get at the end of that sequence. it felt really rewarding to find out that was true in the "best served hot" ending!!

"a dead plate" HAHAHAHAHAHA JUST LIKE THE NAME OF THE GAME (seconds later: oh god this is the manon steak)

the description of the plate changing to "the love of my life" actually hurt a little, ouch

when i had to go back to the freezer to get the ending where rody dies, i audibly went "haiii vincenttt" when he showed up lmao

when i first saw vincent bite rody, i thought he bit his neck and went "oh haha hot"

a few lines of dialogue later, i stood corrected lmaoo

finding out that vince doesnt actually like serve human meat at the restaurant was pretty interesting to hear! i like that take on the trope, because normally its more akin to games like bonnie's bakery where the food youre serving to customers IS customers lmao

learning how rody felt about manon made me super sad, esp after the post credit scene where she breaks up with him. again, i agree with her. bro needs some serious self care and needs to learn that its ok to care for himself too :(

uhhhhh vincent casual outfit hot. i mean what who said that

the normal food rewards you get for completing each day look absolutely incredible, esp the desserts

overall, just an amazing experience that i'm so happy to have done blind. not knowing what was next made it a lot more fun for me and i might give it a go again in the future! i have a few more horror rpg style games saved on my itchio that ive been meaning to try out :3

[firstdivisiongirl]

okay im way too shy to say this off anon but ive been highkey lowkey stalking your blog and your vibes??? Immaculate. 100/10. you seem like a very Good and Safe person to be around and i look at some of the stuff you post/write and go ':] heehee this is enjoyable :]]]'

okok stalkerish ramblings aside, i do have a request, if youre comfortable with it!! could you write a ficlet/mini-fic (whatever term you'd like to use theres so many :,3) about a sanji x transmasc!reader?

basically reader is afab and has been dating sanji for a while now, but has just recently come to the realization that they are actually more comfortable/happy being referred to as a man!! obviously, they are scared of what sanjis going to think, especially because hes, well. respectfully, because sanjis Like That. but!!! but eventually they gather the courage to come out and tell him, and then you can write sanjis reaction(s) however you'd like!!! admittedly id like it to be fluffy, but if you want it to be angtsy then feel free to make it so <3<3

okok sorry for the wall of text uhh have a good day and take your time please 💗💞💗

Hi! Thank you so so much! I’m happy you really love my blog and vibes. Don’t feel shy. I’d love to meet you. You can totally DM if you ever want to talk or anything. I’d love to hear from you. This was fun to write and it took me so long because I wanted to make sure it was perfect for such a big fan of mine. I hope you like it and you enjoy this. Can’t wait to hear from you in the future.

The Real Me (Sanji x Trans man reader)

If there was one person you could talk to, it’d be your boyfriend Sanji.  He was the sweetest, even when being sweet to all the other women in the world.  But this time, that was the problem.  Sanji treated women so respectfully, while men not so much.  And you felt more comfortable with being a man than a woman.  You were afraid to tell Sanji this because you were afraid he’d hate you and break up with you.  You wanted to spend the rest of your life with him, but you also wanted to be referred to as a man. Everytime you thought you could tell Sanji, you’d see his face and get nervous.

One day, you decided it was time.  You walked down to the kitchen early that morning.  You looked through the porthole window.  His ocean eyes sparkled with excitement as he stirred ingredients in an old pot or chopped veggies.  The smile on his face reminded you of one of the many reasons you fell in love with him.  You were starting to fear this talk, but you knew you had to.  You bursted in a cold sweat, but walked into the kitchen.  “Oh hello Y/N swan,” Sanji cheerfully said, “what’s my lovely girlfriend doing up and about so early?”

You sighed, “About that Sanji.  I don’t feel comfortable with that.”

Sanji’s face lost all color, “what do you mean?  Are you breaking up with me?  Do you hate me?  Is this mosshead’s fault?”

You grabbed his shoulders trying to get him to breathe.  “No Sanji,” You said nervously, “I love you!  I don’t want to break up at all.  I just don’t feel comfortable as a girl.  I feel more comfortable being called a man.”

Sanji looked at you.  He paused for a second to process everything.  You were getting really scared.  Finally, he smiled.  “Ok.  I understand.  If you prefer being referred to as a man, I’m happy to do so because I love you.  How long have you felt this way?”

You looked down at the ground, “a while.  I just didn’t know how to tell you.”

Sanji caressed your right cheek causing you to look at him.  You saw nothing but love and admiration in his eyes.  “I understand,” he started, “you were nervous.  But I’ll love you no matter if you were a man, woman, fish, whatever.  Just know that you can come to me with anything and I’ll never stop loving you.”  He kissed you softly.  You finally felt at ease.  You helped him finish cooking breakfast.

Everyone started coming into the kitchen ready for breakfast.  When everyone sat down, he got everyone’s attention. “So everyone before we start eating,” he said, grabbing your hand, “I’d like you all to meet my boyfriend, Y/N.”  It was weird for him to introduce you to the crew because they all knew you, but it made sense.  Now, they got to meet the real you.

Please do not copy, modify, translate, or repost my writing on other platforms. Comments, reblogs or likes are highly appreciated!

[terminalisms]

caved so quick to the 2nd muse impulse o mein gott......throwing sejoon into the mix with another minimal stats page + round two of rambly character intros 😵‍💫 if u are interested in plotting just like this post or add me on discord!! (tip.toph) 🥰

tw! mentions of terminal illness, death of a parent

only son to 2 anomalies. plain jane working class background

in a past life, dad is still a top tier hardboiled detective who doesn't gotta think about the fact he has a wife and kid at home

in this one, mom is inconveniently out of the picture for......... [vague gestures] reasons and he has to hunker down into single father life fast. ends up opening a restaurant in order to be able to provide

but in spite of all of this his childhood isn't so bad! he and his dad are close despite obvious stark differences in personality, which can be summed up as naive softie vs cynical hardass. even if sejoon's too trusting ways has dad up at night wondering how the hell is this kid gonna survive on his own

also dad: [does the absolute most to keep him shielded and sheltered cause he's Seen Things and as a parent's bare minimum that means letting a kid being a kid. which means shoving things deep under a rug and the default response to any inkling of curiosity being "Don't worry about it"]

until sejoon's anomaly kicks in at 12-13 by making a patron's chair float on accident and his dad's like k. better late than never......

its a little (ok a lot) hard to coach sejoon through controlling his abilities considering dad's own anomaly is not anything remotely close to moving things w his mind (its memory manipulation btw for some hwang fam #trivia) and sejoon is like ): but this is so cool why shouldnt i wanna show it off......

their deeply anti-anomaly district with equally staunchly anti-anomaly neighbors, friends, politicians being a VERY good reason not to: (:

dad: wear this patch thingie. dont ask why just do what i say

(thank god for nullivi huh like seriously)

doesnt stop the bubble bursting with when people realize ur not "human" they treat u different but ykw.........the sun is still shining and the world is much much bigger than their humble slice of daegu for EVERYONE to be that way

sua's open for admissions just around the time sejoon's thinking about higher ed AND broadening his horizons. gets in on arts scholarship and off he goes

baby bird leaving the nest turns fish out of the water. college and seoul are a bit of an adjustment but exciting all the same. and he does thrive! gets involved in the sporting rallies, really developing his artistic vision, has a social life, and gets to be his #true self among fellow anomalies the whole enchilada

things only really go downhill in the last 6 months of his undergrad with 2 wrecking balls: a devastating breakup and (TW: ILLNESS, DEATH) his dad being diagnosed by stage iv lung cancer

its right after graduation that sejoon immediately falls off the face of the earth for 3 years to be his father's sole caretaker until his death (END OF TW) no one i mean no one knows what he was doing or where he is

but hes back now to do his mfa!! let the bella loca where the hell have u been-isms begin

vibe wise hes bright, social, easy to talk to but can also be kind of spacey eccentric and the ultimate pacifist. the type that makes u feel like u guys are sooo close but then when u reflect ur like actually idk if i really know much about him at all (which!! is not totally intentional he just makes for a better listener and is great at making conversation about what YOU have to say). these days that same can do energy is there but it doesnt feel the same if u look too close but its fine!!! everything is fine

plots that are marginally better than the first time around but not by much:

friends who were blindsided by him going mia without warning

friends who are gracious enough (or equally ??????? avoidant? weird even) to pick up where they left off like nothing happened in the first place

people who dont even know who he is so like none of the above for his sob story doesnt even really matter

this is really really limited to one (1) person but somebody who managed to run into him in the three years that he was laying low

will require extensive plotting but the ex......not necessarily endgame but i am in the mood for some bittersweet woulda shoulda coulda's, angst and answering the penultimate question of: why did we break up?

former teammates? i imagine he was part of house samjoko during undergrad

ur a stranger feeling nosy and ur ultimate mission is figuring out where hes been. he lets u speculate

u need someone to do ur graphics. can be contractual pro bono whatevah.......

im running out of steam here but i am open to it all please hmu

[go-to-the-mirror]

@a-mag-a-day

(taking the quotes from the official transcripts with all "John"s changed to "Jon"s because it's more reliable and... stuff. there's also cws at the top of them)

Anyway, this is mostly a stream of consciousness ramble as I listen to the episode, featuring being sad about Jon Sims, talking some more about how the fear entities work, some Lines that I am very eyes emoji towards, and Lorell St John defending.

Also here's a meta that I really like that is sorta related to this episode. Here is is on the wayback machine, and here is the previous meta.

"iT wAs SuPPosED tO bE a GlOriOuS dAY" sorry ive heard this ad so much-

I like Georgie, I just wish that she liked Jon. Like, I understand why she left, but it just makes me really sad, like couldn't she just give him a chance?

ARCHIVIST (weakly) That's a very good question.

HE MAKES A GREAT ENTERANCE! DRAMATIC BASTARD :3

ARCHIVIST Six... Uh, the others? T-Tim, is he...? ... Oh.

:(

ARCHIVIST Honestly, I, I think I'm alright. (Georgie sighs deeply) ARCHIVIST I mean, that's... good, right? I- GEORGIE After a six-month long coma? No, it's not. This isn't how it's supposed to go, Jon. ARCHIVIST I- What? You'd prefer I was brain damaged? D-Dead? BASIRA Jon... ARCHIVIST What? BASIRA Georgie, could you give us a minute? There are some things we should probably discuss? GEORGIE (Irritated) Fine. ARCHIVIST Georgie, I- GEORGIE Jon, if this really is a second chance, please try to take it. But I don't think that it is. ARCHIVIST Georgie, I don't--! GEORGIE Take care of yourself. (The Archivist sighs and attempts to speak.) [Door opens and closes as Georgie leaves.] ARCHIVIST What about you? Disappointed to see me alive? Basira? BASIRA We can deal with it later. ARCHIVIST Yeah, okay.

HE WOKE FROM A COMA LESS THAN FIVE FUCKING MINUTES AGO-

Like, this is my worst fucking nightmare, two people I'm reasonably close with saying or heavily implying that they'd prefer I was dead what the fuck. Just the way he sounded like he was yk, making a joke asking Basira and she doesn't respond, and he asks again and she just says they'll deal with it later and-

WHAT THE FUCK ITS BEEN LESS THAN FIVE MINUTES. I-

[Image ID: A drawing of someone leaning forward in a chair, horrified. /End ID]

ARCHIVIST (The Archivist takes a deep breath) Statement of, uh... uh... Lorell St John, regarding, uh... (small chuckle) zombies. Original statement given 1st February 2015. Recording by Jonathan Sims, the Archivist.

I remember I LOST MY MIND at that part, at him calling himself the Archivist, but I didn't message anything to my friend, and I didn't share it on my story, but I was VERY abnormal about that. Oh boy. Just um. OH BOY

People always used to tell me I was solipsistic. They said that I never really engaged with other people, never acted like they really existed or mattered, at least not in the same way that I did. And I suppose in many ways they were right. It’s hard to explain without sounding stupid. Obviously other people are real, obviously the, the way a building is real or my watch is real. They exist. If people weren’t real, I’m, I’m sure I would find them much less of a chore. So no, I don’t “not believe in other people”. I just find it very difficult to feel for others. I can’t understand them and they’ve always seemed… Well, there’s no tactful way to say it, they’ve always just seemed a little bit pointless. I know what my pain feels like, and I know what my joy feels like, but when I see those same things on the faces of my friends or my enemies, I feel… Well, that’s it, isn’t it? I don’t really feel anything

Like... same. Yk, low empathy. Just... makes you feel more distant. And it's fine, it's not a bad way to be, it's just a way to be. But... yeah I mean. Yeah. I relate to the statement giver. Lorell St John defense club. She did a lot wrong, but she isn't... a terrible person, she just did some stuff wrong. She hurt people, but like, she isn't irredeemable and... I like her. Like okay, if we're going to defend Jon even if he's hurt people knowing full well they'd be terrified, relying on them to be terrified, then I'm pretty sure we can defend Lorell for hurting people who she didn't think were people. I have feelings about her.

I like the idea that they are actually real but that her fear of them not being real manifested in something actually not being real and, in her mind, confirming that she was right, that she's the last real human out there.

There's a lot of stuff here that can point to different fears because Smirke's 14 isn't ,the end all be all, yada yada, gender. Maybe The Spiral, because she thinks she's the only one that can see them which could have led to her doubting her own perception of things, but she doesn't. Could be The Lonely, because she sometimes found herself alone, in a room only with those zombies, similar to MAG 108 - Monologue, which is similarly iffy on its placement in Smirke's framework. Word of God says it's The Stranger, which it could very well be, things that are not human infiltrating society, that's pretty Stranger. I have also seem the interpretation that they're The Extinction. Fear of humanity being gone, and something else in its place. I... I think that it's a mix of The Lonely, The Stranger, and The Extinction, but there are plenty of different interpretations, and the author is dead, so take its placement in The Stranger playlist as canon or not, your choice.

I first saw him in the street. It wasn’t difficult to guess what he was, half the people around him were just as hollow and soulless, but there was something else to him.

This could point to all the other "zombies" being just Lorell thinking they were zombies, and not actually being soulless. Perhaps.

Had he taken Norma’s self, her, her soul? Or had she always been a zombie, cramped into her little open plan desk, patiently listening to client complaints, and I just hadn’t noticed?

I can see why The Spiral could be an interpretation of this. Not trusting her own perceptions, could Norma have always been a zombie? Can Lorell trust any "real" people if she didn't notice that Norma was a zombie?

They’re all like that now. You’re all like that, I suppose. I have no reason to believe anyone will read this who would be any different, no reason to believe you’ll be able to read this, that you won’t simply stare blankly at this page before performing your response, your artificial opinion. There is every chance that I am the only one left, and the whole world has fallen to a soulless horde, devoid of life and feeling.

And here's where The Extinction comes in. Is she alone in like a different world, a domain of The Stranger, Lonely, Extinction, or whatever? Just surrounded by the empty shells of humans just like she feared. He fears manifested by The Fears, and turned into "[her] own private hell" (bonus points for anyone who knows where that's from). And that leads me on to the point of... well, Avatars aren't the only ones who can shape The Fears. Her fear of being alone surrounded by empty soulless husks seems to have manifested into being alone surrounded by empty soulless husks. I think that's really interesting.

Even so, thank you for pretending to care.

This line just makes me sad. She knows -- or believes -- she's completely alone, and the only interactions she can get are from things she knows -- or believes -- aren't human, aren't even alive, not properly. I'm just... really sad about Lorell St John. God, get her a hug, and a real life human friend, and some actual help from a real life human person... But it's too late for that, isn't it. Either they're not real, and she's in the real world, and she believes wholeheartedly that no one around her is real -- which is actually the better of the two situations -- or she's in a different world, surrounded by people who aren't people, and... well, her fear at being the last one left, her fear of the people who aren't people surrounding her, her isolation... well, I'm sure it's a feast for The Fears. I don't think they're likely to let her go any time soon.

It can be hard, though, sometimes, other, other people. Feelings. I-I’m trying to focus, trying to make sure I’m the same me as before, but how can anyone really remember that? How do you know you’re the same person that went to sleep?

Low empathy Jarchivist rights?

This gets me thinking about the whole teleportation thing, and not being the same person, just being killed and reconstructed exactly the same. What makes you you? Is it your memories? The actual, physical stuff that makes up your body? Is it something else? Is it just a feeling? I like thinking about stuff like that. Metaphysics is interesting.

ARCHIVIST I don’t… Music. Everything was wrong. Gertrude was there and then… dancing? I think? Then… pain, and I was somewhere else. Dreaming

You were somewhere else you say. Interesting. I'm sure that turn of phrase won't come up ever again. /s

To transcribe from messages to Jay Mapleejay (follow owl pls ty)

KILLING AND MAIMING "Somewhere else" EE And that's like his spooky dream hellscape Obviously you know, you've listened to the same podcast i have AND THEN LIKE OBVIOUSLY THE SOMEWHERE ELSE IN EPISODE 200 LIKE 👀UHH UH UH UH

So, that's interesting in a completely normal way.

(Oh funnily enough in an earlier message on that topic I said "I'm gonna make a tumblr post about this. At some point." so. yep)

Oh and some other thinking about the first 3 episodes about season 4 things:

what RIGHT did the first three episodes of tma [season 4] have to be: 1. Emotionally damaging 2. HAVE UH THAT??? THAT??? [referring to the somewhere else thing] 3. *dying in parallels* 4. low/no empathy character <3 she's just like me fr 5. FUCK YOU FUCK YOU DID YOU THINK YOU COULD GET AWAY FROM THE BRAIN THINKING HAHAHAHAHAH L

Jay said "relistening to tma is a form of torture /hj" and I have to agree tbh. I'm in emotional pain.

ARCHIVIST (Darkly) What did he do to Martin?

*points* GAY

Well, I guess we should probably let one of the nurses know I’m awake. I’m sure they have all sorts of tests to do, make sure I’m not a zombie or a…

Or a what Jon?

ARCHIVIST (Calling) Oh, or a cup of t- ... Okay.

AND HERE WE END, VERY SAD, JONS HAVING A BAD TIME, SOMETHINGS GOING ON WITH MARTIN, AND NOTHING IS OKAY! Perfect start to season 4 :) depression, the season.

[txxfiles]

give me all the fics where the boys kiss

Hi! It looks like I'm week 3!

I honestly have no idea idea what im doing really but i guess you'll just have to listen to me ramble about something i enjoy. Seems to fit the theme we've accidentally settled on and well! if theres one thing im good at rambling about its bl fanfiction. i read ALOT of fanfiction. like 13million words worth of it in 2023 alone (an estimate but i did the ugly math for jan and feb last year and id already read 2.7 million words so i dont think its too high an estimate).

ive read fics from too many fandoms to count and also have way more hyperfixations then any one person has a right too but the one that has owned my ass consistently for the last 4 years is The Untamed otherwise know as Mo Dao Zu Shi (MDZS).

The lovely Eucalyptus from week 2 was watching the untamed during covid (and holy shit what a wild ride that was) and the next thing I know im neck deep drowning in fan art and tiktok edits of beautiful chinese men that have no business being as talented as they are (Im looking at u Wang Yibo) This. shit. fucked. up. my. life.

then i turned to my good friend AO3 (love of my life i could not exist without you) and 4 years later ive read my tags dry. if its complete, ive read it. im getting desperate and ive started reading works in progress, yikes. its so risky i honestly cannot tell you how much anxiety it gives me. ive been burnt too many times.

HOWEVER

this does mean if you need a fic recommendation then your girl has got you covered, so i figured i would share with you my TOP SIX fic recommendations. im sorry i tried to make it 5 but i just couldnt do it.

I will be chasing a starlight by feyburner & sundiscus 

Wei Wuxian/Lan Wangji - 71,479 words - Complete

Omg. Wangxian Startrek AU. The pining, the miscommunication. I felt every range of emotion on this roller-coaster. I literally printed this out so that I could keep it forever. I wish I could read it for the first time all over again. This Fic hit AO3 like a comet. It even has it’s own Tumblr thread! Also comes with stunning fanart.

Paint smears on sunny days by SnowshadowAO3 

Wei Wuxian/Lan Wangji - 53,808 words - Complete

Modern Day AU, Musician/Single dad Lan Wangji falls in love with his son’s Art Teacher Wei Wuxian. I swear it's one of the cutest stories ever written, makes me feel all the good things. A-yuan is adorable and wangxian are hot and charming. The Ultimate wangxian comfort fic. 

Rotten Work by ShanaStoryteller 

Jin Rulan & Wei Wuxian - 63,907 words - Complete

Jin Ling fishes his Da-Ju out of the gutter post canon (Literally dying alone in a dirty inn, Wei Wuxian it's been 5 minutes pls) and decides if no one else is gonna keep him then he damn well will. 

It is perfect.  

Junior Quartet goodness, Yunmeng bro reconciliation and Jin Ling being a boss bitch little shit that has no time for anyone's bullshit. I cried as much as Jin Ling did in this story – which is alot. (Also another story ive made myself a solid copy of that i can love forever)

Joy In The Mindst of These Things by Glitterbombshell 

Wei Wuxian/Lan Wangji - 52,901 words - 5 Works

TEACHER WEI WUXIAN! I love this trope with my whole soul. Lots of adorable baby Lans, I would kill for them. Beautifully written. Lan Qiren gets a much needed wakeup call. Last story is incomplete but can be read without the 5th installment. SO WORTH IT, ive read it like 10 times

The One-Body Problem by mitisket 

Lan Jingyi & Wei Wuxian - 28,689 words - Complete

Well shit. How many times have a reread this story? I honestly couldn't tell you. Jingyi gets possessed by Wei Wuxian’s very tired soul pre canon and it changes nothing and yet everything. Their friendship gives me life and Jingyi fixes a lot of problems for his new bestie/mentor/uncle with his big mouth. Mom I love him 

The Edge of Night by Hobbsy3 

Wei Wuxian/Lan Wangji - 277,225 words - Complete

The best Zombie Apocalypse au on the MDZS tag honestly. There are so many good zombie film references in this one, i see you Train to Busan. Baby junior quartet, a perfect Wei Wuxian modern day depiction and so much love, angst and stress. It's delicious and I've never recovered.  

All of these fics are actually part of a mother document i made last week of all my favourite fics organised by tag because apparently thats what i do with my free time. hit me up if you need a rec!

Now that ive gotten that off my chest i'll let you be lol. maybe I'll do a rec for a different fandom next time. I definitely have enough to choose from!

Lots of Love,

Iris

[effervescentdragon]

Hi! I just wanted to say that this week I chose to read some of the fics you have up in AO3 ( and by some of them I mean a lot) and I'm obsessed with your Sebchal Old Guard AU.

I haven't watched the movie yet, but I've been tempted in the past and your writing was the last reason I needed to do it.

That scene when Sebastian has apparently died and Charles holds him while praying in Latin, and he is so devastated about losing Sebastian because immortality is only a gift if Charles gets to share it with him.

That was..WOW..Yeah. No words. Tens across the board.

Those dreams of Lewis and Nico. The ending in Suzuka when Charles is wearing red again. People choosing to spend immortality together just really gets to me, I guess.

That fic really did something for me, and I have to thank you for it.

PS: your Nico/Jenson Soulmate fic made me see why people ship those two.

PS 2:"Red Gods of Old" is so phenomenal. I had to keep pausing to look at the wall and think about every paragraph.

PS 3: I was blown away when I saw you posted again, and blown away again because I had already read the Piarles piece, but didn't realize it was part of a series. I loved your first chapter. So angsty, and I hated the fact that you made me relate to Lando, but also thank for that.

Thank your for sharing your writing, and I know sending this right now seems so convenient because of your post earlier, but I really enjoyed the reading sprint I had on your stuff and I wanted to say so. Sorry for writing so much this got a little bit longer than the single paragraph I had intended it to be. :)

anon this made me so happy. like so so so happy, insanely happy. the answer is gonna get long because i cant not ramble about all this, so, cut.

my sebchal old guard au is my favourite thing ive ever written and i love it so much and people dont often go for it, though i do have some wonderful asks in my inbox that im saving for a rainy day and i just. thank you for coming here to tell me this and i hope you watched the movie because its MASTERFUL. i put so much into that fic, for example i tried to figure out how to make two white boys be joe and nicky without being insensitive or appropriative about race, and how not to apply the fundamentality of joe's loveliness of being an arab man (gentle and kind and a poet in his soul) to this german dude. that one kept me up for a while, so i decided not to mirror it perfectly but to apply seb and charles' personalities into the context, except adapting the other way around. it was a challenge to write, because i wove so much little ideas and nods to other people in there, not the least lewis and nico as andy and quynh, and then in the end i just really wanted them to come a full circle and somehow tie it in with f1. i always do this in my au's, give a little nod to f1 somehow, just to show my love for it. anyways, thank you so much for reading it and just. i love that you liked it.

oh god the princess cake soulmate fic - i saw the prompt and i couldnt resist! it turned out to be a prompt by a tumblr friend so that worked out even better. i love nico and i love him with jenson and i need to get back to writing him some more soon tbh. he is such a complicated and interesting character and he has twists and turns and i just love him insanely much. (if you liked the soulmate fic, i refer to this fic as my princess cake master thesis, so you may like that one too, maybe.)

oh my fucking god. this part. this part had me stopping in the middle of my corridor when i saw it because like. nobody reads that fic? nobody knows it and its my first proper rpf that i wrote and i love it so much and i just. im just heart-eyeing you now, because that was me trying to figure out some things about seb and about ferrari and to make it work in my head so i know how to proceed, so, thank you for reading it, and especially mentioning it!

thank you also so much for reading my carlando, im very excited about it because i never wrote them and im a bit nervous about the characterisation but so far it seems like it has a positive reception. i made it angsty on purpose because lando is just a ball of anxiety and i rly tried to show it. im super hyped about the next chapter two, but please keep all your limbs crossed for my uni work, which i have to do tomrrow on penalty of death.

please, never think its inconvenient to read something as lovely as this ask, no matter if its because of a post i made or just because, it literally doesnt matter, because you took the time to come and tell me these lovely things anyway. it made me happy and it made me hyped up and thank you. and there's never ever too much rambling, i dont see this as rambling i see this as something lovely. thank you <333

[boydepartment]

HOT TEA WITH HONEY WAS SO CUTE AND SWEET

you literally never disappoint

i love the way you write riki sm. i feel like you write him realistically?? ik it's impossible to know riki 100% unless you know him personally which as fans we don't but idk i feel like you really capture an authentic riki or at least a riki that matches well with the riki i see him as

thank you for taking your time out of your busy life to write my request 💕 im glad it helped you recoup after writing that crazy paper

i used to write but i don't really anymore and honestly it's so crazy to me how much you're able to write while juggling school work 😵‍💫😵‍💫 i couldn't do that...youre amazing jayjay!!

i will always wait patiently for you to write my requests. life can get crazy and writing takes a lot of effort and time!! please don't feel pressured to write my requests in any certain time frame okay!!

~~🧈~~

IM SO GLAD YOU LIKED IT :3 i really loved writing it and i wish i had more energy to make it longer ‼️‼️ i love writing relationships where it’s like healthy teasing (i’ve never had that, every “teasing” i got was like bullying and being actually threatened)

IM ALSO SO GLAD THAT THE WAY I WRITE RIKI IS OKAY! i’ve been reading fanfiction in general since i was 11 SO I REALLY TRY MY BEST! i also never want to like make him shitty bc he already deals w ppl making him an asshole all the time. which is another pet peeve of mine. IDK IF IVE MENTIONED THIS BEFORE (i might’ve have i have bad memory tho) but even when i wasn’t super into enhypen. like to the point where i didn’t necessarily like riki (antis are extremely damaging when the situation is taken out of context) i still worried abt him partially. it’s hard enough being a celebrity in western culture i cannot IMAGINE how difficult it is in the kpop world at his age. especially the age where he started training and was shoved into the public eye. so even when i didn’t even like him i was worried. maybe i’m just too empathetic bc i don’t even know the guy. ANYWAYS- before i ramble more.

OF COURSE BUTTER MY LOVE! i will always write your requests :3 they really do help take my mind off stuff and im proud to be able to be good enough that you keep coming back to my account! it really does mean a lot 🫶

you should do try writing things again!!!! even if it’s little things!!!! i used to be big on wattpad and took a break for a couple years and now i’m here! so you never know!!! life is unpredictable :3

your requests are always a breath of fresh air!!!! so don’t worry about the last part :) plus you ask super respectfully and that means A LOT to me 🫶

i hope you have an amazing day butter butter 🧈 i can’t wait to hear from you again soon!!! ❤️ please stay healthy and take care of yourself

[boxwinebaddie]

UNCLE NINA I LOVEDD CHAP 6 IVE ALREADY READ IT TWICE JUST CAUSE STAN WAS BEING SO CUTE AND NERDY

MY SWEETHEART MY LOVELY !! YOU HAVE NO IDEA HOW MUCH I NEEDED TO READ THIS TODAY!!! ;-; <3333 NOT TO BE RAVENSTAN BUT THIS SERIOUSLY ALMOST MADE ME CRY!!!! TY

( you guys know how much i beat myself up, so messages like this mean everything to me...also sorry most of under the cut isn't relevant i just like to ramble about the boys and their dynamic <3 )

but anyways! back to you being my starlight starbright:

lately...i've just been having so much anxiety and imposter syndrome about my writing -- it's bad to the point where when i posted rm6 like two days ago, where i was supposed to be happy and in high spirits, i was so nervous and anxious ( it's this dull, awful ache in my sternum ) that i spent the day pacing w/ my heart racing, ugh. </3

because my brain is so bad, it's hard for me to convince myself when i post that i made the right creative decisions, that you guys are enjoying where the story is going, that it makes sense etc.

so when i get really nice asks like this one from you ( mon ange ) telling me directly that you enjoyed the chapter...oh my god, i feel so much better i can't even tell you. i was really worried people didn't like it or it was too weird bc...its a lot, but...it was cute!

we got to see who raven is offstage and see hes stan and hes a literal angel! that hes down to earth and a fucking loser and so wonderful!!!

i can not tell you guys how painful it was for me just to feed you those starboy snippets of raven being rizzgod and all untouchable and sexy

because...yes he did that thing...but when hes not doing that thing...hes watering his plants and singing to them and wearing the big anime boy tee-shirts and crying and using a tortilla chip as a fork.

so this update!!! meant a lot to me because we got to watch stan be himself and be embarrassing and slip on every surface whilist actually fruedian slipping w/ kyle bc hes so nervous around him and be a lover boy and a crybaby and a crunchy nerdy nervy plant boy

and we also got to watch how the affects kyle, who thinks he knows everything, but then gets immediately humbled because ravenstan is not like the awful ravenraven he made up in his brain who he hates vs. the nice cute awkward boy in his living room who lies badly when nervous, brought him a succulent and is actually...sort of lovely?

...but when you're on a hate with your best friend who you don't know is dead and are a cynical skeptical messticle of a man and having your phantom theres stan syndrome flaire up everytime a literal celebrity smiles or bites his lip and looks like...Your Stan...its...not fun.

but more on that later! next chapter, the boys call ike! which! yay!

but x 2, thank you for being so kind. i seriously thought people were like not enjoying it or the plot progession or thought it was underwhelming/too choppy/messy. so this means a lot to me!

tldr: ravenstan is actually a sweet, sloppy, pathetic nervous wreck and jerseykyle, if nothing else ( sorry king ) is eating his words, because he just might be enjoying his horrible little hate...w/ a deplorable boy who is being weirdly adorable ...

enough to forgive and pardon the most criminal offense outlined in the extensive k.b law handbook...

being ~fashionably~ late :) <3

( and recklessly rizzing him in spanish without a license )

my boys my boys my boys,

uncle nina <3333333

p.s. thank you again for enjoying the update i'm glad you liked weird boy raven i love him so much hes so cute we will see more of him <3

[fairyhaos]

hi, ate yena ^^ im in my "one-day-before-school" zone where i try to talk to ppl before i have to do normal ppl stuff,,, bc im NOT normal, im in fact an unknown species unknown to this world (delusional)

firstly, i was jumpscared (an hour late) by ur friend request on dc LMAO- like i went into discord moments after waking up and i saw a frq from u, and i was like "holy SHIT" bc i didn't expect that at all. somehow. and ngl good choice on ur part /hj (i have doubts abt my activity on tumblr but not on discord)

and- second which is js a question i asked a moot in vc,,, if u were to audition for an idol company, which would it be? im aiming for kq :3 the ppl js seem rlly cool there,, for an idol company /j-

also i sorta skimmed thru the uji synaesthesia post when i woke up,, i will read it properly soon but i got the gist of it and!! i just rlly love how you do ur descriptions and wordings :(( like,, augh idk what it is,bc the feeling when i read ur stuff? its an indescribable feeling, always positive, not too warm but not like chilly air. just standing in a room full of nice things that please ur eyes,, idk idk ue ueu e.

NO IK THE THING NOW. its like standing in a magic shop (pun half-intended) just looking thru the stuff and you're the shopkeeper,,, ur just looking at this person go 'oooh' and 'aaaaah' at the stuff you're displaying, theyrre reading the writtenm descriptions twice bc they dont catch some words the first time. fantasy au yena when /jjj

bamble ramble OVER,, ill be on dc if yuuou need me ue euue

; weiwei 🌙 (hope you're having a nice day so far ^^)

weiwei sweetie oml!! good luck with school tomorrow everything is gonna go great dw <3

HELP ahh i didn't mean to scare u with it 😭 ill try my best to message u at some point,,, tho my track record of keeping up with messaging people is a bit terrible <//3

hmm idk ive never thought about auditioning before? being an idol looks like something that Does Not suit me at all lmao. but maybe ill agree with u with kq tho! ive seen the way they treat atz (like a little bit) and they look like a decent company i think...?

awh noooo that's so sweet of you omg :((( i had so much struggle with our woozi like actually,, ive been trying to do him for WEEKS and it's only recently that he's gradually revealed himself to me 😭 unlike w jeonghan tho it wasn't like he was hiding from me? more of bc he's so elusive and mysterious he was kind of shifting the entire time and i couldn't pin him down properly haha

magic shop shopkeeper yena haha 💪💪 ill know all of your needs and smile secretively when you find the object that you've been looking for just sitting there in my shelf like it was waiting for you <3