brain will not let me sleep until I say
same age padawans au where they’ve been in a weird wired frenemies thing for ages but now that they’re both mature adults (all of 24/25 years old) they’re more friends than enemies….
And it’s Obi-Wan that Anakin tells when he’s decided he’s going to leave the Order, not anyone else. He has a wife. There was a pregnancy scare a few weeks ago and it made her want their relationship to stop being a secret so they could really have kids. He has to leave the Order. Doesn’t Obi-Wan understand?
Obi-Wan, who has been a little in love with Anakin since they were younglings, does not understand. Not one bit. Instead of wishing him well and helping him pack, he goes to the Council and requests a mission in the Outer Rim….perhaps a month long or more…perhaps undercover? No contact with anyone on Coruscant. And maybe they could assign Anakin Skywalker as his back up? He can help with the undercover aspect.
And at first, Anakin is pissed because he was planning to resign from the Order in the next few days, but Obi-Wan convinces him to go on this mission with him….one last mission as a Jedi. To say goodbye to the Jedi life.
Obviously, Obi-Wan sort of wants to go on one last mission with Anakin because in his dreams, he wants the mission to go so perfectly that Anakin stays with him the Order. But realistically, he mostly wants to go on this mission to say goodbye to Anakin and then let him go, soaking up all his warmth and light, memorizing every casual touch bestowed on him because he knows they’re ticking down to the last handful of seconds together.
But then obviously the mission works TOO well and Anakin falls in love with Obi-Wan but doesn’t admit to it even to himself before they’re on the ship about to head back to Coruscant and Anakin realizes he doesn’t want to leave this planet because he doesn’t want to leave Obi-Wan if it could always be like this so he crashes the ship during take off so they can stay longer because he’s 24 and doesn’t know how to handle the immensity of his love except through destruction
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katsuki jumps, startlingly, when you rub a hand up his back.
he's leaned too far down, bent over the counter at an angle that will give him an ache he'll complain about later, and his head whips up as you come to stand beside him. an e-mail on his phone is what previously had his full attention, but now he looks at you, eyes softening as you lean into his shoulder.
he's never been a very touchy guy. even after a year into your relationship, it's most often you reaching for his hand as you walk down the street; you pressing a kiss into his cheek while watching a movie on the couch; you running a hand through his hair as his breath steadies out beside you in bed.
it's not something you really complain about. you know how he is, knew before anything developed between the two of you, and you can't say it's a deal-breaker. there's little you know about his previous relationships or if he even had any, but you have the painful-gut feeling that affection just isn't something he's used to.
you press a smile into the sleeve of his shirt and his spine relaxes under your hand, finds that awful curve again. he watches you like he's waiting for something, tracing the tender details of your face.
"love you," you say, because do and you want to voice it aloud, put it into his mind even though you know he knows. as expected, his lips flatten into a wavering little line, shy suddenly, and your teeth wet the fabric of his shirt when you smile.
all you get is a little grunt in response and he dips his chin down in a wordless nod, accepting your lovey-dovey assault. it makes him feel a little helpless, you know, but you bring up an arm to wrap around him as he turns back to his phone, ears pink.
katsuki straightens with a dull pop!, stretching his arms up and allowing you to shuffle closer, so that your head is resting on his chest. you press your ear to it and wait, eyes closed, until the heavy promise of his heartbeat echoes like a drum in your ear. it's loud, and after a moment, your own falls into sync, right where it belongs.
"'s'wrong?"
"hm?" you glance up at him, the frown on his pink face, before breathing in the clean scent of his laundry soap. your laundry soap. and then you shake your head. "nothin'. just missed you."
"been home all day."
"i know," you sigh, letting your eyes fall shut again. the sound of his phone locking clicks and you can feel the slight down-slide of his sweatpants when he pockets it. "sometimes i miss you even though you're right here."
you expect — something; another grunt or laugh through his nose, a raspy little noise that voices his confusion. things like this can be hard for him; you know how he is, knew before anything ever developed between the two of you — but you don't think it makes him any less deserving.
katsuki steps back from you a little, and you feel the hesitant rise of his arm before you feel it. his hand comes up to your face — pink and scarred in your peripheral vision — and he tilts your head up, waits until you open your eyes.
when you do, it looks as if a million things are running through his head. his poker-face is good, it has to be, but you can see little bits of his vulnerability shining through. you wonder how long it's been since he showed it to anybody. he almost looks sad.
katsuki squeezes your cheeks until your lips pucker, and his frown deepens when you laugh. "y're so...damn weird."
that's along the lines of what you were anticipating: one of his teasing little insults, warm with a fire he's still learning how to kindle. you don't get the chance to say anything before he's kissing you, eyes shut tight, lashes brushing against your own.
you expect something soft, because affection is a fickle thing, from him — but his hand never falls from your face and his tongue is sliding with yours suddenly, a heated gesture that throws your heart out of whack. you let him kiss you as deeply as he can, until your back arches painfully backward over the counter as he leans into you.
when he pulls away, his lips are a little swollen and his cheeks are burning, as he presses one into yours. "i—jus'—" katsuki tries and then abandons it, a hand curling into the material of your shirt. "i get it." he murmurs, there, into the heated skin of your face, heart beating in time with yours.
things like this are hard with him — but he makes them so, so worth it.
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not to be too real but since we're talking about it... we always talk about will feeling lonely which is fair, but... it is such an Ugly, isolating, and genuinely heart-wrenching feeling to be the odd one out in your family, and to watch them treat others who aren't related to you the way you wish they would treat you, to watch them perform their familial roles with them and not you.
nancy's the only person in his family that mike could talk to, the only person that has the same trauma and would understand, and yet... he can't. they don't ever talk unless it's to be snippy and bite. nancy spends more time caring about max and will than she does mike, her own little brother.
holly is too young for him to bond with like that. she's just barely a kid, one that still needs to be cared for.
his mom tries her best, but he doesn't feel comfortable being vulnerable with her. considering the fact that she did everything "right" according to society's standards and married their dad of all people, i doubt he feels comfortable showing her who he really is. he lets her hug him when he's at his lowest, but we don't see them actually connecting.
his dad is just some ghost that haunts his house. he doesn't care about mike or think highly of him at all. the only times we've seen him pay mike any attention are when he belittles his interests, mocks him, punishes him, or shuts him down by telling him to listen to his mother. the only support he gets from him is financial in nature.
meanwhile, everyone else has a family they can turn to. dustin, despite lying to his mother to keep her out of his shenanigans, seems to have a decent relationship with her. even if he doesn't, he still has steve and robin. lucas is shown to have a healthy relationship with his parents and erica. will and el have their family.
max's situation is different, but she has the backing of the party; people that love her and actively try to help her and pull her back into the world of the living. she isn't thrust into a leadership role that doesn't allow for vulnerability. she has nancy who is willing to fight monsters for her, el who literally performed a miracle for her, and lucas who has stood by her since the beginning.
and mike... well. he has will back now, sure, but... things have been different between them for a long time now, even if they're both trying their best to be how they were before. and before then, will obviously was in california, not returning his calls or reaching out, making mike feel like he'd lost him for good.
so... all that being said, it's not that surprising that mike is the way he is: riddled with abandonment issues, wanting to be needed, immediately apologizing whenever he dares to open up, inclined to give others the protection and comfort no one's ever given him, prone to jealousy and possessiveness, unable to be completely and wholly honest about what troubles him, not exactly the most open to new people, and someone with appallingly low self-esteem.
you know how they say people that are drowning don't always look like they're drowning? that's mike.
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