#he placed his faith in me... nd yet.. and yet...

[makkeoneoneo]

ok, nobody gaf, but im playing death note spiraling trap rn. ive got four hours left and im only on floor four. my ass is SO getting blown up!!!

[softloustat]

So I came across the Mayfair Witches thing with Lestat and Felix, and like pretty much everyone on here I was bummed but then I though about it for a very long time, went through the books again and… here’s how I think they can still make it work. Just as a disclaimer though, I’ve only fully read IWTV and TVL, and am currently like 1/3 through QOTD, so if there’s anything in the books after that that disproves my theory I’m sorry! But since the Lestat/Felix arc takes place towards the end of IWTV, I thought I’d still give it a go.

So the main issue here that people bring up is that if Lestat taught Felix to “cull the herd”, he can’t be book Lestat because book Lestat admits to only killing the “evildoers”, so why would he tell Felix to be so merciless? The answer: it’s complicated.

Lestat, the book and the show version, is unfortunately (or fortunately because that’s part of what makes him so interesting) a man who often does the opposite of what he says. I took a closer look at his first moments with Gabrielle after he turns her, and we have a similar situation in which he’s teaching her how to kill. Here’s an excerpt from it:

“I found a victim as soon as we had crossed the river […] [a]nd as I lured the victim out of the tavern, as I teased him, maddened him, and then took him, I knew I was showing off for her, making it a little crueler, more playful. And when the kill came, it had an intensity to it that left me spent afterwards.” (TVL, p. 147)

When he’s teaching others how to kill, he likes to show off. Simple as that. I’m sure the victim he chose was a criminal, like most his victims, but the point is he never told Gabrielle that. To her knowledge what Lestat just did was brutally murder some random man. Two pages later we have the following passage when Gabrielle makes her first kill and it’s the guy on the horse she ends up stealing the clothes from:

“I was shaken. The innocence of her victims didn’t trouble her. She didn’t fight my moral battles. But then I didn’t fight them anymore either, so why should I judge her? Yet the ease witch which she slew the young man – gracefully breaking his neck when the little drink she took was not enough to kill him – angered me tough it had been extremely exciting to watch. She was colder than I. She was better at all of it, I thought. Magnus had said, “Show no mercy.” But had he meant us to kill when we did not have to kill?” (TVL, pp. 149-150)

Lestat obviously doesn’t feel comfortable killing innocent people, but there’s not one scene in which he either tells someone he’s having moral dilemmas with it, or tells others they shouldn’t kill innocent people. It’s his thing, and it’s his struggle, but he never shares it until he writes about it in TVL. Here’s another excerpt that highlights this:

“When [Louis] says I played with innocent strangers, befriending them and then killing them, how was he to know that I hunted almost exclusively among the gamblers, the thieves, and the killers, being more faithful to my unspoken vow to kill the evildoer than even I had hoped I would be?” (TVL, pp. 434-435)

The key phrase here is “how was he to know”, so Louis had no idea! All this time he spent with Louis, and he never told him that’s what he was doing! Which brings me back to the show, to the reunion moment where Lestat tells Louis “I don’t like to point out my virtues.”

Of course, in the context he’s talking about not telling him he saved him at the trial, but it’s a pretty general statement about himself and it’s true, so far, in the book. He only kills innocent people, never tells anyone about it. He saves Louis at the trial, never tells anyone about it. And while I’ve seen some theories about how him not telling Louis he saved him was part of some pact he made with Armand, I’m just going to take things at face value here until the show proves otherwise.

Lestat always claims he’s “evil” in the books, but he does a whole bunch of stuff to disprove that. I think part of why he doesn’t let people know his good deeds is because there’s a part of him that wants to be perceived as the “evil monster” that he sees himself as. It’s the biggest irony ever for Lestat out of all vampires to claim he’s evil when he’s never acted with malicious intent (in the books, but I would even say in the show as well but the show is more complex in that regard).

The big thing about Lestat, which would also set him apart from show!Louis is that he does his thing and lets others do their thing. He doesn’t interfere with others, doesn’t tell them how to live their lives “the correct way”. Sure, he has many heated discussions about it with Nicki, but those are not him telling Nicki he should live according to his philosophy just because he thinks it’s the correct way to view life. Nicki hates himself at that point, which just gets worse with his way of thinking, and Lestat’s trying to pull him out of that. Nicki’s worldview is actively harmful to him and at least part of the reason for his eventual demise. But that’s not really relevant here, so I’m just going to leave it at that.

Which brings me back to Felix and Lestat. Did he, at some point, go out of his shack to kill people to show Felix how to do it? Not necessarily. The show doesn’t say he did, he could’ve simply just told him how to do it, he did after all figure it out himself too. It’s pretty intuitive I suppose for a vampire, and even when Claudia does her first kill Lestat isn’t shown killing first. He waits in the car with Louis and Claudia manages just fine.

Lestat knows what’s in their nature as vampires, but he himself doesn’t follow it at all times. It’s implied in one of the excerpts above, when he says he’s “being more faithful to [his]unspoken vow to kill the evildoer than even [he] had hoped [he] would be.” He’s not holding himself to any strict rules or high standards here. He’s trying his best, and if he takes an innocent life, he probably feels uncomfortable about it (while he secretly enjoys the feeling) but he’s probably just like “oh well.”

And with Felix, it could absolutely be a situation of do as I say, not as I do. He teaches him what’s in their nature, but he himself chooses to do differently. That, to me, sounds quite a lot like book!Lestat.

Besides, another aspect I’d like to point out is the definition of the word “cull”. Since English isn’t my native language, I had to look it up to really get all the nuances it implies. Here’s what google says:

“Selective slaughter”. Now here’s where I might be wrong and please correct me if I am, but since there are parallels to Darwin in MW, couldn’t that also imply selectively killing a particular group of people? As in, weed out the evildoers, or the weakest who don’t have a chance of survival anyways (as Lestat does after Louis tries to kill him)? The latter would make sense with the Darwin parallel. What we see in MW may be skewed through Felix’ perspective. I haven’t watched MW, but these things happen all the time in IWTV. Killing mercilessly may be only his interpretation of what Lestat said.

TL;DR: Lestat understands vampiric nature well enough to teach others how to kill “like a vampire” when he himself still chooses to do differently. He also doesn’t “like to point out [his] virtues” which is why he never actually told anyone he only kills criminals.

[axrsinal]

⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯ ˳༄꠶ ⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯[ @cagcd asked: ❛❛ Breezy ! You'll love what I got for you ! ❜❜ he's nearly out if breath from excitement, nd the fact that cane he running as soon as Fujin's Funko pop edition came through the mail, he had to give it to him. ❛❛ It's you, but mini ! The tattoos glow in the dark too ! ❜❜ ]

༄꠶ ⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯Days such as this were the heaviest to bare, and yet- Fujin could not help but look forward to them as of late. Carefully lighting a stick of incense and setting it to smoke, the wind god sat on his knees, palms flat against his legs as he looked up to the statue at the center of his private chambers.

To most, it was likely quite a frightful sight. A large oni like man, magic circling around at his back and holding eight drums in place while the monster himself stared forward with an almost soul gleaning intensity in his eyes and hands raised up between the folds of a weathered old cloth that lay draped around him. A frightful sight to say the least, though Fujin found only content in its presence. It was one of the forms they rarely used, but its jarring appearance allowed him to conduct these little prayers without fear of disrupting Liu Kang's illusion.. not that such a thing was a concern now.

" You will have to find it within yourself to forgive my tardiness.. " He began, taking a deep breath of the smoke as he offered the bronze visage a smile. " There has been- much commotion as of late, none of it negative I assure you. Johhny's production aired last month and the excitement it spawned is still palpable. I believe you would have enjoyed it! He was surprisingly faithful to his sources. Though, in truth I know such risk of exposing most to outworld's existence would worry you. " He paused, closing his eyes for a mere moment before setting his posture a bit higher, head tilting up. " -But most suspect it to be fiction regardless.. He invited me to 'cameo' as he said, heh, I could not deny him. His crew were quite lovely people! There was- "

A sudden shout of excitement drew his attention, looking behind him for a moment as he listened intently- ..... Yup. Those footsteps were indeed approaching his location at record time.

" Let us continue this in a moment, " His words swiftly followed by Johnny's own as the man came into his chambers. Fujin was already half standing by the time he was there, a warm smile on his features as he was presented- well- Himself! A rather small an odd looking version of himself mind you. There was a gentle 'Oh!' from the Wind god as he chuckled at the sight of such a delightful little creation. Ever curious, he carefully plucked the doppelganger from Johnny's hands, looking him over before childishly isolating the figures arm in his hands to see the markings shine. Of all the ways mortals had created his likeness- this was certainly the most whimsical.

" Ha! That they do! " He paused for a moment, holding the little figure out with one hand as his other extended out as if to offer a proper greeting.

" Hello, Smaller Lord Fujin, it is a pleasure to meet you. " ' Agreed, Larger Lord Fujin, the pleasure is mine. '

He chuckled at his own antics, holding the little mirror of himself in both hands now as he looked Johnny over. How quickly had he sprinted there?? The poor man looked like he'd outran the four winds.

" It is absolutely delightful Johnny, you have my deepest thanks. Though in the future you need not run yourself winded, do you need to sit down? "

[kanmom51]

Hii Kan 🙋

From which year u believe jikook starting dating....??

For me it's 2015 end...

And I want to ask u this ....do u think if they are actually a couple frm so many years now....u think they r loyal to each other all this time??? Bcz they r both soo handsome and obviously they hv lots of options...do u think they ever felt like there love is nt d same anymore nd one of thm cheated??

I dnt knw y though bt it always looks like jimin is d kind of a person who loves unconditionally nd his love dsnt change ....as for kookie....i some times feel scared bcz may b his love for jimin changes one day....and i don't want that ...🙄🙄🙄

At d end hope they stay Happy nd hopefully together fr d rest of their lives ....💜

Ok, so anon, although my timeline posts are not done yet I suggest you read what I have so far. You will definitely find my answer to when I think JK and JM's dynamics changed.

Do I think they are in it for the long run? Heck yeah.

Do I think they have been faithful to each other? Of course I do.

Long term relationships do happen in real life anon, even for the very good looking people amongst us. Looks don't define who you are as a person. I know, big surprise. But guess what? There are beautiful desirable people that aren't looking to sleep around, that are looking for a 'one in a lifetime' love, that are loving and dedicated to the person they love and that, as amazing as it might be to you anon, are happy to be with that person and that person alone.

Why? Why is it that JK is constantly viewed as the unfaithful one, or the one that, as you put it anon, will stop loving JM one day?

Do I have to remind you who the person that tattooed his boyfriends name on his hand is? This isn't something done lightheartedly anon. Especially for a man who loves another man in a society and an industry that does not accept such a love. And not only did he tattoo JM's name on himself, but he did it in the most visible place possible. There is no hiding it, and that was the whole point.

So, no anon, I don't think they have been unfaithful, and I definitely don't think there is any need for concern as to JK's feelings towards JM.

[kimnjss]

desperate housewife | jjk

⇢ pairing: jungkook x reader (ft. taehyung) ⇢ genre: smut. ⇢ word count: 5.5K ⇢ theme: husband!jungkook, housewife au, established relationship ⇢ rating: explicit. ⇢ warnings: soft angry guk, car sex, nipple play, unprotected sex (stay safe loves!)… this was lowkey kind softcore, ngl.  ⇢ summary: bored with your husband gone all the time, you decide to take up a new hobby... jungkook can only seem to focus on one thing when it comes to your new pastime. ⇢ A/N: this was heavily influenced by desperate housewives, okay. ive been binging it during quarantine nd kind of spit this out lmao. also!! want to apologize if this feels all over the place, kept on stopping nd starting again... so yeah!

The day your husband proposed, he gave you his word that you'd never have to lift a finger once you were married to him. His faith in his career and talents fueling his proclamation. You would've said yes even without it, but it was nice how badly he wanted to treat you like a princess.

You and Jungkook had been together for two years before he decided to get down on one knee. He made it known that he thought you were the one from the beginning and you had always thought, it was soon to tell- but he was right.

Your agreement was no short of immediate, wedding date set for an exact year after that day and you couldn't wait. Jungkook was oddly helpful with the planning and organization, way more than you'd expect a husband to be, but he was genuinely interested.

With his help, you two pulled off a gorgeous ceremony. His family and yours filling the place, watching as you agreed to become one with this man. It was all you wanted. Becoming Mrs. Jeon Jungkook was the best day of your life. Three days after your honeymoon in Malta, Jungkook was urging you to quit your job.

You did.

Jungkook was serious about keeping his word, didn't plan for you to lift a finger at all. A maid was hired to do the cleaning, chef to do the cooking, a yard boy to tend to your pool and pretty garden. You even had a personal driver to drive the car he had purchased for you.

Not once did you think of complaining. It was nice. Not having to worry about this or that or the other thing. Having everything done for you really freed up time for you to do the things that you really liked to do. The only problem was, you've been busy working your whole life you never really had the chance to figure out exactly what that was.

And it wasn't like you could hang out with the husband you loved so much, he hardly had time to cut his hair, let alone hang out with you. So you spent your days at home, chatting with the members of your staff and counting down to the days that Jungkook was able to come home.

It wasn't until you caught yourself in a heated argument with the yard boy about the exact inch length of your front lawn did the realization hit you. You needed a hobby. Shopping, getting your hair and nails done, that wasn't going to cut it. You needed something that was just for you.

You just needed to figure out what that was.

Sat on the couch with your feet propped on an ottoman, you flipped through your catalog. Sulin, the maid, stood across from you, wiping the windows down with glass cleaner. The sound of a car door slam had your fingers stilling, your body perking as your attention was brought to the large window in your living room.

“Mr. Jeon is home,” Sulin informed you, but you were already standing; all but running out the front door. Jungkook was waving goodbye to the man who had dropped him off, hands clutching his way too large suitcase. “Baby!” You squealed, not being able to contain yourself as you leaped for him.

Your husband and his ever so impressive reflexes were catching you easily, allowing your legs to wrap around his waist as he leaned up for a starved kiss. His hands were properly placed on your sculpted bottom, slowly inching up to grip the flesh. A squeal flew from your lips as you pulled back, playfully swatting at his shoulder.

“Do you really think the Jefferson's want an eye full of you groping your wife on the front lawn?” You questioned with a raised brow. Jungkook shrugged his strong shoulders, tilting his head up to reach for your lips again.

“The Jefferson's have been married 30 years, have six kids, I think they know a thing or two about groping.” You pushed the thought of your ancient neighbors going at it, instead deciding to concentrate on the cute dimples indenting your husband's cheeks as he flashed a boyish grin. Not only was this man blessed with deadly good looks, but he also had the heart and spirit of a young child. Things never got boring with him around.

Your hands cradled his face, leaning down the rest of the way to press your lips to his again. “I've missed you so much.” Your words are barely comprehensible, considering your mouth is smushed against his. Somehow, he understands you totally, sharing your sentiment with a wide grin.

His hands finding your ass again, Jungkook holds you to him as he begins taking long steps toward your house. You could feel his length against your thigh with each step he took and you knew exactly what you were in for once you reached the bedroom. Or maybe the kitchen. Hell, he might even give up on the front porch and do it there.

Yeah, things never got boring with Jungkook around.

An entire week had passed since Jungkook came back home. A whole week filled with laughter, games, impromptu trips, spontaneous dates. A full week of fun with the man of your dreams. Every waking moment was spent together, genuinely enjoying each other that you forgot he would be leaving come Sunday.

This is why you wore a permanent scowl on your face as you neatly folded his clothes, taking on the task to pack his suitcase. Sulin had been doing it when you entered the bedroom, but for some odd reason, you felt like you wanted to. She was more than happy to pass the task on to you, moving to get dinner started.

Since it was Jungkook's last day in the house, Sulin had suggested she made all of his favorite foods for dinner tonight. No protests on your husband's side, of course, and you figured your waistline could suffer if it meant witnessing that huge bunny smile that took over his features.

Warm arms wrapped around your waist, chiseled chin nuzzling into the crook of your neck. Jungkook pulled you into his embrace, taking in the sweet smell of the perfume you prayed whenever you got out the shower. “How's my princess doing?” His tone was soft and caring.

Jungkook knew that you were upset that he was leaving. But he also knew that you weren't upset with him. Couldn't be upset with him because you knew what you were in for from the beginning. It just annoyed you that his job always cut into the time that the two of you got to spend together. He was hardly ever home, never really unpacked when he was home because it was just a matter of time until he was leaving again.

It was like your house was just a rest stop and that annoyed you, passionately. You didn't want to make him feel bad, though. You knew he was trying his best; could tell with how he fought sleep when he was back just so he could spend time with you. It was hard on him too, so there was no reason to make a stink out of it.

You pulled his suitcase closed, zipping it before turning in his arms. Your scowl had morphed into a pout, arms wrapping around his neck. Lifting up on your tiptoes, you pressed a sweet kiss to his lips. “I'm okay. What time is your flight?” You wanted to know just how much time you had left with him.

“Javier will pick me up right after dinner.” Guess you only had a few more hours left with him then. A sigh slipped from his lips, his hands cupping your face and thumb brushing over your cheek. “I won't be gone long this time. Just a week or two and then I have a month off,” He offered up with a grin and you matched it, nodding your head.

“Can we visit that resort when you get back, then?” You looked up at him hopeful, his head was nodding not even giving a moment to think of the request. “Whatever you want. Just put it on the schedule. A whole month, I'm all yours.”

It was like time was on a treadmill whenever you were with him. Before you knew it, dinner was being served and the two of you sat across each other at your way too big dining table. “You know,” He was speaking after some time had passed without either of you saying a word.

You were playing with your food, eating in slow motion as if that would keep time from moving so he wouldn't have to leave just yet. Head lifting at the sound of his words, you tilted your head to the side. “Sammie Fields and a couple of her girlfriends all take dance lessons at the gym across town.”

Face contorted, you tried to figure out why he was offering up this information all of a sudden. “Alright, you got me. Why are you telling me this?” You pushed out a laugh, hoping not to sound too harsh. You just wanted to enjoy your silent dinner before he was being whisked away.

“Maybe you should join them sometime?”

“Is this your way of telling me that I need to start working out? Believe it or not, Jeon Jungkook I'm in-” He was quick to cut you off, quick denying shakes of his hands as he leaned toward you. “No! No, it's nothing like that. I just... you said that you were bored,” Your cheeks darkened, had forgotten that you had shared that with him while catching him up on everything that had been happening while he was gone.

“Oh, yeah. Right. Sorry.” You smiled sheepishly and he shook his head. “I don't really get along with Sammie and her friends. Don't think they'd really care for me tagging along.” It was no secret that the girls on the block weren't all too fond of you. You weren't sure why, but they didn't really seem interested in being your friend – had their little clique made before you even moved in.

And they weren't taking any newbies anytime soon.

“Ugh, I wish you could just come with me. I hate that you're stuck in the house bored all the time.” It had been suggested and shut down when you two first got married. Jungkook didn't really want to travel without you with your marriage so new, so he came up with the idea that you just came along with him.

His manager was quick to veto his proposal, deeming you an unnecessary distraction – the asshole. “I'll be fine, don't worry about me.” You pushed a smile onto your face, but he didn't look convinced; cut into his pork with a quizzical look on his face. His teeth worried his lower lip and you could almost literally see the wheels turning in his head.

“Or! You know what, I could take up tennis?” You suggested, with a grin. “Tennis? Since when were you into tennis?” A shrug of your shoulder was sent in his direction as you reached forward to grasp your wine glass, bringing it to your lips. “It's never too late to learn,” He nodded.

“Are you sure you're going to like it? I mean... not to discourage you, but baby, I've not even seen you pick up a ball. Well, besides...” From the smirk on his face, you knew exactly what he was alluding to. You rolled your eyes, trying to hide the smile that tried to peek through.

“It could be fun,”

You could tell that he was happier now, at ease knowing that you weren't just going to sit around watching grass grow as you waited for him to come back. “Alright, then! I'll get you the best trainer there is. Let me just...” His hand reached for his phone on the table, your hand quick to stop him.

“You don't have to do that, baby. I'm sure there are plenty of good enough trainers at the gym. Cheaper too.” Although you loved being pampered and spoiled by him, you didn't marry him because he was stinking rich.

You married him because you were madly, deeply, truly in love with him- so there was no need for him to hire 'the best' anything for your new hobby.

“I guess if you're sure.”

“I'm sure. I'll head to the gym tomorrow and meet someone,” He nodded, attention being drawn back to the meal in front of him. Finally being able to enjoy his favorite food without worry creasing his brows.

Two days after Jungkook had left, you were dragging yourself out of bed and heading straight to the gym. You were excited, always had liked tennis and the whole idea of it; you figured it would be fun to actually play it.

Finding a trainer was a lot easier than you had thought it would be. After a brief conversation with the lady at the front desk, she was leading you down a long corridor into a sectioned off area of the gym. More elaborate work out machines were back here, a large TV and a sauna.

“Mr. Kim.” She called to the man running on the treadmill. A fitting long-sleeved top hugged his muscles, loose shorts bouncing with each movement of his strong legs. The woman called out to him once more before he was pulling the headphone from his ear, pressing a few buttons on the machine to slow his steps into a walk.

“What's up?” He replied, a bit out of breath.

“This is Mrs. Jeon,” She introduced you formerly, despite how you insisted she uses your first name. The man cocked a brow, sparing a sideways glance in your direction. Undeniably handsome, a face appears to be carefully structured by the gods. A strong jaw, pink full lips, cheekbones, nose a little large but fitting for his handsome face, dark intense eyes guarded by long eyelashes. Even his eyebrows were pretty, what the fuck?

The man pushed a long finger against the machine in front of him, stopping it completely. “She's in looking for a tennis trainer. I figured you would be fit for it.” He was hopping off of the machine, turning to face the two of you fully.

“Have you ever played before?” His words were directed to you, but you were distracted by the deepness of his voice. Did he really sound like that... all the time? How intimidating. His head tilted, awaiting your answer.

You could feel the heat rushing to your cheeks, desperately trying to rake your brain from what he had just said. “Oh!” You spoke a little too loudly. “Not really, no. I've just always wanted to...” The intense way he was staring at you had your sentence trailing off.

He didn't speak, eyes scanning over you carefully; making you feel small. Even the girl that brought you here sensed the odd tension, shifting uncomfortably on the balls of her feet. His tongue pushed out to lick his dry lips, a smirk taking over his features as he dragged his gaze back up to your eyes. What you would give to know what was going through his mind just then.

“It'd be my pleasure,” His voice velvety sweet with some promised laced in his words. You grinned, taking hold of the hand that he had extended out to you. “I'm Taehyung.” He introduced himself with a small smile.

Taehyung nodded at the sound of your name, going to release your hand from his grasp just as the piece of jewelry wrapped around your fourth finger caught his attention. Mindlessly, his fingers brushed it, his eyes finding yours once again.

There was something going on in his mind, you knew it. Could tell by the furrow of his brow and the smirk on his face. You just couldn't decipher what it was. His hand was dropping yours, slipping into the pocket of his pants.

“Lynn will set you up with my schedule. See you soon, Yn.” Taehyung flashed that teasing smile before tucking his earphone back in and climbing back onto the machine. Lynn led you out the same way you first came, stopping at the front desk to schedule you.

No matter how hard you tried to concentrate on the words coming out of her mouth, you couldn't shake the thought of Taehyung from your mind. It was weird. Sure, you've been swooned by attractive guys before, you were married; not blind. But this was different, he was different.

You didn't know what it was and you were scared to find out. There was no point in either way. These were just tennis lessons. Nothing more, nothing less. You were married so that was it. Halfway home, you wondered if you should turn around and demand a different trainer. Decided against it, surely nothing will happen..., right?

Two weeks had passed since Taehyung had become your personal trainer. It was fun, learning the sport and getting to know the mysterious man that paid so much attention to your skills. He had this set narrative of what you were capable of and never accepted less, always pushing you and oddly you liked it.

Your game was getting better as the days rolled by. Time no longer standing still with this new hobby of yours. You two met every day at 3 o'clock, most lessons lasting for an hour... maybe two if he wasn't busy, three if he got hungry in the middle. It was fun and you were quickly feeling as though you could think of the man as a friend.

The tension that surrounded you two when the first meeting had died down. You weren't interested, no matter how many smirks he threw in your direction. Jungkook was the love of your life and messing that up was at the bottom of your list. It wasn't even on your list. Taehyung got the hint without you having to spell it out for him. You appreciated that.

A gentle hand on the small of your back stilled your movements, your head turning to face the handsome man standing behind you. “You need to straighten your back,” His deep voice instructed and you nodded your head, following his orders.

He smiled, hand leaving your back to grasp your elbow- the other hand reaching for your wrist. “Tuck your core in when you swing, gives you more power.” The hand on his elbow dropped, splayed fingers landing over your belly button. You brought your arms back, tucking your core in and going for the swing.

You could feel the difference. “Oh! I didn't think it would-”

“What the fuck do you think you're doing?” Your sentence was being interrupted by the booming voice of your husband. His face twisted with anger as he approached the two of you. “Get your hands off my wife!” He shouted, the words making Taehyung release you, jumping back a few steps.

“Jungkook? You're back early.” It was the only thing you could muster in your shock. Never had you seen him this angry before. His hand wrapped around your wrist, tugging you behind him as he stood square in front of Taehyung.

He sized him up, jaw clenched and fists balled. “Who do you think you are? Touching her like that?” Despite having the big muscle pig that was your husband in his face, Taehyung didn't seem the least bit intimidated. Arms crossed over his chest as he stared up at Jungkook, bored.

Sensing this could take a turn for the worse, you decided to step in. “Jungkook, baby. Relax. He's my trainer!” Jungkook only half-listened to your words, squaring his chest as he stepped closer to Taehyung.

“Does your trainer know that you're happily married?” His words were delivered through clenched teeth to the man standing in front of him. Taehyung was rolling his eyes, hands patting at your husband's shoulders.

“I suggest you calm down there, buddy. I can have you kicked out and your wife banned with a snap of my fingers.” He wouldn't do that right? Ban you? You two were friends, he was just saying that?

You didn't want to be the one to call his bluff. Hands finding Jungkook's elbow, you tugged him toward you. “Let's just go, baby.” He scoffed, tugging his hand from your grasp before turning and passing you, stomping up the hill.

You quickly followed behind him, legs moving quickly in fear he might leave without you. He had stopped in front of his car, hands in his pocket. You landed a soothing hand to his back. “Baby, I promise you. Nothing like that was happening. He was just helping me with my form!”

His hand pulled out from his pocket, your big, expensive wedding ring between his fingers. “Why aren't you wearing your ring?”

“Oh.” You could feel your cheeks darkening, embarrassed as if you had been caught. But you hadn't! You just knew what he was thinking and how all of this looked. You reached your hand forward, taking the jewelry from his hand. “I only take it off for training, I didn't want it to fly off.” You tell him, and it's the truth.

He doesn't believe you, rolling his eyes right in your face. “Yeah, fucking right and you just so happened to get paired with the young attractive trainer, rather than someone who is actually qualified.”

“It's not like that! Don't you trust me?” Wedding ring secured back on your fingers, you reached up to cup his face in your hands. You offered a soft smile up at him, thumbs stroking his clenched jaw. “I would never do something like that, baby.”

Scowl not falling, but an arm wrapping around your waist; you could tell he was softening. “It's not you, I don't trust.” He grumbled and you nodded in understanding, standing up on your tiptoes to press a kiss to his lips.

“I know, baby. You'd be the first to know if he tried anything,” Your words are murmured against his lips. The grasp he holds on your waist tightening as he pulls your body tighter against his. You feel his grasp dropping from your hips to your thighs until he's lifting your body off of the ground; easily wrapping your legs around his waist.

Your back is being pushed against the cool exterior of his car, his body pressed tight against yours as his kiss gains intensity. His mouth desperately searching yours as if trying to imprint himself on you. His hand slid underneath the bottom of your tank top, smirking at the realization of your lack of bra.

Jungkook was breaking the kiss, leaving your lips yearning for more of him. Dark eyes stared into yours, heavy breaths leaving his lips as his thumb caresses your hardening nipple. “I can't fucking believe you.” He snarled, fingers pinching at your nipple; making you yelp.

He didn't even allow you a moment to reply, lips crashing against yours with much greed, hunger as his hips pushed up into yours. You could feel how hard he was even through the fabric of his jeans and you wondered if he'd fuck you right here... against his car where anyone could walk by and see you.

The thought had a rush of arousal pooling between your legs. You leaned into his kiss, returning everything that he was giving you. Jungkook's kisses were everything he was; sweet, passionate, determined, horny. His hands dropped from your body, grasping the behind you as his tongue pushed further into your mouth.

With unbelievable swiftness, Jungkook was pulling the car door open, lifting your body off of the car and laying you across the back seat. Reluctantly, he broke the kiss to climb onto you, trapping your body between his strong thighs.

You slid your hands up the front of his shirt, the rapid beating of his heart surprising you. He still wore that scowl on his face and you frowned. “I love you, Kookie. You know that, right?” You offered a sweet smile up at him, which he only nodded to. His hands hastily pulled your shirt up and over your head.

His face was buried in your neck, attacking your slightly sweaty skin with his lips and teeth. Big hands grasped your breasts, teasing them. Hearing the whimpers, the moans that his touches caused did wonders for Jungkook's ego. He loved knowing that he was the only one that could get you like this, see you like this. Fuck that Taehyung guy, you were his and he was more than willing to prove it to you.

He couldn't help the primal instinct to cover your body in his marking to make it completely and utterly clear that you belonged to him. Quickly, his hands were dropping and rounding your body to grasp your ass; using his grip to pull your body against his. At that exact moment, he was sinking his teeth into the skin just above your collarbone, sucking harshly on the spot right after.

“Fuck, Jungkook!” He loved the sound of your sweet moans. Loved it even more that it was his name falling from those pretty lips. Jungkook rolled his hips forward, grinding his hard and growing erection against your scarcely covered pussy. Such a tiny useless skirt, did you really think he'd have nothing to say about you prancing around in this?

Your shaky hands found the dark curls of his hair, tugging at the roots as his lips dragged their way down your chest. You were already so needy for him, back arching in an attempt to push your breasts closer to his lips, hoping he'd take the hint. He did. A breath of relief fell from your lips as his mouth finally wrapped around one of your hardened buds, wet tongue drawing circles around it, pulling desperate moans from your lips.

He was pulling back with a hiss, teeth sinking into the flesh of your tit, making you yelp. His gentle tongue soothed the skin, dark eyes peaking up to admire your lust-filled, half-lidded eyes. A gentle kiss pressed against the marked skin, “You're so pretty like this.” He grinned.

Jungkook reached his hand down to still the grind of your hips that had started without your knowledge, he pinned you against the leather seats and you whimpered. “What is it that you want, baby?” Fuck, his voice. It wasn't often that Jungkook took on a dominant role, sort of liked to go with the flow. But right now, the way he was looking at you, handling you, hand an unfamiliar twist building in your stomach.

There was no way you'd be able to keep your composure if he kept on like this. “I need you, Kookie. I need to feel you.” Never did you think he'd be down for car sex, but you weren't opposed to the idea; not one bit. With that, though, you knew that you had to be quick; there was no telling who could come rushing down the hill. Which meant foreplay wasn't really in the cards for you two right now.

Jungkook was quick with leaning back on his knees, tugging at the buckle of his belt until it came undone. He only pushed his jeans down enough to pull his cock out. No matter how many times you saw it, you always seemed to find yourself mesmerized by Jungkook's cock.

It was no surprise that it'd be long, Jungkook was a big guy and it was only fitting that he'd have a big dick. Rested nicely just inches below his belly button. It was thick too, pretty veins wrapping around the length and a pink tip that had your mouth watering and pussy clenching.

Jungkook watched you expectantly, a subtle smirk on his lips. He had definitely caught you ogling. It took you a moment to figure out why he was looking at you, but you were quick to catch on, lifting your hips to wiggle out of your tiny skirt. “Fuck, baby.” He breathed, eyes fixed on the way your panties clung to your damp lips. You felt your cheeks darkening.

He never had to do much to get you like this. A giggle left your lips, “You're the only one that makes me like this.” You reminded, hands reaching up to reach for his shoulders as you pulled his body down onto yours. The smile that took over his features didn't go unnoticed. His hand was fitting itself between your legs, long fingers rubbing at your folds gently.

Freehand lining the thickness of his head up with your center, and sliding all the way in with one powerful thrust. You let out a loud cry, caught off guard although you expected the intrusion. Gentle lips pressed wet kisses against your skin, allowing you the time you needed to adjust to his large size.

It didn't take long for you to get used to him being this deep inside you. Yeah, he's been gone for weeks, but your body had grown accustomed to him, always recognizing his return. Just a single roll of your hips was enough to get him to fuck forward, the breath he had been holding being let out.

He was quickly losing himself in you, forgetting if he had ever been mad in the first place. It was like he wanted to make sure you felt every last inch of him. Gradually, he was speeding up the movements of his hips, tickling the sweet spots buried deep inside of you before full-blown pounding against them.

Each thrust hit right where you needed him to, high, needy moans fell from your lips. Calls of his name as your nails dug into his back. You could feel yourself climbing higher and higher toward your release. Jungkook's hand grasped tightly on your thigh, lifting your leg to reach deeper inside of you. He was panting, sending you praise, reminding you that you were his.

Nothing else seemed to matter at this moment. Not the fact that you could be caught at any moment, the uncomfortable bend laying in the back seat of his car caused, Taehyung; it was just you two. “Kookie, I'm gonna...” You tried to tell him, the pleasure making its way into your veins and spiking through your body; cutting your sentence short.

He understood you completely, though. “Shh, I got you, baby.” He rasped, eyes finding yours in the cloudy haze of pleasure the two of you had created. He loved to see you like this, fucked out and desperate for him. His hand was sliding between your legs to find your sensitive clit, using his fingers to push you over the edge.

Nails dragged down his strong back, as you clenched down around him. With one final call of his name, you were falling apart, hips bucking and head falling back. The sight of you unraveling, was enough to push Jungkook over the edge. His head ducked into the crook of your neck, teeth, and tongue finding your salty skin. He pounded his hips powerfully into you until his body was stilling.

A drawn-out moan left your lips at the feeling of his thick release coating your pulsing walls. Warmth spread throughout your body as you began to relax under him, breath heaving as your body laid limp against Italian leather.

“Fuck,” Jungkook breathed out a laugh, eyes dropping to watch his dick slip from inside of you. The mixture of your release dripped out of you and he watched, amazed. “You're my perfect girl.” He complimented with a wide smile, droopy eyes lifting to find your smiling face. “I can't believe we just-”

His words were being cut off by a sharp knock against the window just above your head. Your body sprung up, arms wrapping around your body to cover your bare chest. Wide eyes landing on an annoyed-looking Taehyung.

“You can't do that here!” He called through the glass. Jungkook was smirking, reaching for the door to roll down the window. You stopped him, only being able to imagine what type of snarky remark he was about to spew.

“We're leaving!” You called back, officially kissing your weekly tennis lessons goodbye when you saw the scowl on the older male's face. He turned with a roll of his eyes, stalking his way back up the hill. “He's an asshole,” Jungkook noted and you laughed, leaning up to press a soft kiss to his lips.

“Just take me home, want you to fuck me properly.” He perked up at the sound of that, hands quick to adjust his jeans before he was climbing into the front seat. “You lay comfy, I'll have you home in no time.” He grinned, quick with turning the keys in the ignition.

God, you loved this man. With every fiber of your being, you loved him. He was perfect for you and you could never imagine yourself with anyone else. You were sure he felt the same, making sure that you knew it every single day. The time apart only made your heart grow fonder, made every day with him that much more special.

You wouldn't change a thing.

[fangirlovestuff]

To Infinity And Beyond - Chris Evans x reader

a/n - hey lovely people!! i thought of this when we found out chris is doing lightyear (which i am so happy about omg) and i just really wanted to write it:) also you can see it as my way to make up for the angsty ending of rumor has it lol. also the gif definitely isn’t how i imagened him in the fic i just thought it was nice since he’s voice acting.  hope you enjoy and as always feedback is super appreciated<3

Summary: you meet a mysterious strager in your new voice acting job in a pixar movie, but you can swear you knew him from somewhere, if you could just figure out where...

Warnings: this is happening during covid-19, also any and all romantic attraction in this fic is towards chris and NOT buzz, y’all be wildin but it ain’t me, there’s very clear separation between character and actor i promise lol

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

you were a voice actor for a few years now

you only had pretty minor jobs by now, some small tv shows, a movie for a small studio

but apparently luck was on your side

you scored the most epic gig ever - Disney!!

you were so excited, disney movies being a part of your childhood and your life

disney was basically a synonym for “happy” for you, and you were indeed ecstatic to work with them

you were voicing the love interest in a new toy story movie, one that was depicting the story of the person buzz lightyear from toy story

so naturally, you brought your friends over to have a toy story marathon to tell them the news

they were just as excited as you were, if not more

you were supposed to meet your costars before the film, but because of covid they wanted to minimize the contact between you all, meaning you had virtually no idea who they were, since no one was officially announced to the public yet

your first day on the job, you came a little early, wanting to affirm the faith that was put in you when they cast you

you were told to wait on a couch outside for a couple of minutes until the actor before you finished

you wanted to ask who was it, but before you could the assistant who ushered you in was already going somewhere else and you didn’t want to bother them

after a few minutes, you saw a man leave the recording studio, his mask on his face

you could’ve sworn he looked familiar, but more importantly 

damn

he looked really good, even with a mask

but you didn’t have the time to think about it as he left quickly and you were called inside

you made small talk with the producer for a bit before getting to business, doing a couple takes of each scene and then you were told it’s okay to go

a few days later, when you came in they told you they already have some stuff from buzz, so you were going to do your scenes and hear what he was saying

at first you were glad, because it’s easier to talk when you’re “talking to someone”

but then you realized it was an unwelcome distraction

his voice was so familiar, and you just couldn’t place it for the life of you

you had tried to do a few takes, but each time you got distracted thinking you figured it out and then realizing that’s probably untrue

at the end of your session you apologized

“sorry guys, i’m a little tired today”

they said it was no problem and just to come more focused tomorrow, and off you went

on your way out, you bumped into the man you had seen your first day

like, physically bumped

“sorry,” you smiled through your mask, hoping he’d understand it

he simply waved you off and quickly went upstairs to the studio

oh well, maybe he was late

at any case, as you walked home you realized you could’ve just asked who was voicing buzz and resisted the urge to facepalm since you were in public, thinking you’d ask once the weekend was over

but you didn’t get the chance to ask after all, seeing as they released the news over the weekend

“Chris Evans to voice Buzz Lightyear in new Pixar film”

your jaw dropped

obviously you knew who captain america was, and you were shocked you hadn’t recognized his voice

moreover, you realized you also didn’t recognize his face

this time you were in the comfort of your own home so you actually facepalmed

you had bumped into chris evans not once, but twice, and you didn’t recognize him

god, you were so embarrassed

the next day when you came to work you were greeted by the sight of chris leaving the studio just as you arrived

his mask was still on his chin, so that was the first time you properly saw him

and oh my god was it worth the wait

“Hi,” you smiled at him

“hey,” he smiled back

“I’m probably gonna be a little late, but it’s really nice to officially meet you,” you said

you didn’t know what to do next, but thankfully he extended his hand for a handshake

“you too,” he smiled

“listen, i don’t wanna keep you too long, but can i maybe have your phone number? so we can actually get to know each other,” he chuckled

“yeah, sure,” you smiled

ohmygod chris evans just asked for my number

over the next few weeks you had seen chris a handful of times while one of you was leaving the studio, but you didn’t have much time to talk

until one day, when chris asked you this question:

“do you wanna get something to eat sometimes?”

your brain short-circuited for a good minute

“it’s just so weird being in a movie and not knowing your castmates,” he added

“yeah, i totally get it. i’d love to get something to eat,” you said, his words shaking you from your reverie

“great,” he smiled, “so, uh, i’ll text you”

“sure,” you smiled back

and true to his word, a few days later the both of you went out to a restaurant that had an outside sitting space to eat

when your food arrived you took off your mask and took a bite

“hmmm, this place is rea-”

the words got stuck in your throat as you looked at chris and saw him looking at you with a smile

“what’s wrong, is there something on my face?”

“no,” he quickly assured you, “no, it’s just that it’s even prettier than i imagined. your face, i mean,” he chuckled and looked down at his food

“thanks,” you giggled looking back down at your plate

“so, how come you’re doing this project anyways?” you asked. “i mean, i’ve never known you as a voice actor. i mean, i never really knew you at all until now but you get it,” you chuckled

“yeah,” he smiled, “well, i’ve always really loved disney. like, when i was a kid i really wanted to work there when i was older, so when the opportunity presented itself obviously i took it. young me would’ve beat my ass if i didn’t,” he chuckled.

“that’s so sweet,” you grinned

you talked about your work for a while, some cool scenes you both got to watch, but the conversation got more and more personal as the night progressed, as talking about your favorite disney movies turned into talking about your families and your childhood

talking to him was easy, and you didn’t even feel the time passing until you realized you should probably get out of the restaurant before they kick you out

not that they would kick chris evans out, but you know, manners are important

you offered to split the bill, but chris wouldn’t have it

“c’mon chris, it’s not like this is a date,” you chuckled

a silence settled over the two of you for a moment as you both contemplated what you just said

“what if i wanted it to be, would you allow that?” he smiled after a few moments

“that depends,” you smiled, “are you asking because you want me to let you pay?”

“ah, you got me,” he raised his arms, “but that’s just a part of it. i’m actually asking because i wanna know. for future reference, so i'll know when i ask you out again to ask you to go somewhere you don’t need to pay because you’re so stubborn,” he smiled softly

“alright, i guess you can pay,” you rolled your eyes with a smile, unable to fight the grin rising on your face

“and i’d love to go out again,” you said

don’t worry, you ended up going out again

that’s just a story for another time;)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

i feel like this was probably cuter in my head but i hope you enjoyed!!

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if you wanna join / be removed from this taglist, comment/message me! much love <3

[whatdoesshedotothem]

Sunday 4 September 1836

8

11 50

No kiss Damp rainy morning and F50° at 9 ¼ am at which hour breakfast - A- read 4 pp. of French and said her vocabulary - washed my inkstand - cut my nails - George asked me to give him - no! to sell him no! the 3rd black coat he has had since my father’s death on the 3rd of April - I have left him 2 complete suits and an extra pair of black cloth trousers! I told him it was not my intention to sell 2nd hand clothes, and came upstairs - I shall tell him again the sooner he gets off from here the better - he said he had no coat fit to wear - I said ‘then you must get a new one - but that is not my concern’ - his dress coat is very good - some minutes with A- wrote the above of today - heavy rainy now at 11 10 am A- and I read prayers to my aunt (in bed) Oddy Cookson, Rachel and George at 12 20 in about ½ hour or more - before and after from 1 20 wrote to M- 3 pp. and ends small and close - ‘Shibden Hall - Sunday 4 September 1836. I know not, my dearest Mary, whether you are intending to write to me (to answer my last string of questions) or whether you are expecting my writing to you, to thank you for your few voucher-lines of the identity of Rawlinson, received by him so long ago as the 19th ultimo - I would have written to you by him, on his return him, at that time; but, really, tho’ it seems ridiculous to say one has not time to scribble ½ dozen lines, such was the fact, as I strictly enjoined him to tell you - his history, that is, the sequel of your recommendation, you know - he arrived here this day-week, alone instead of coming a week later, and brining his family with him, as I expected, and as would have been more convenient - however, I told the man, he could have no comfort till his wife came; and, if my words are verified, it is his own look-out - He sleeps in the old saddle-room (about to be brew-house); and for the Carman’s wife cooks for him; but I am too much engaged to see, or think of him much, now that I do not immediately want him for jobs coming under my own eye; yet, as far as I can judge, he seems steady, and ordinary, and likely to suit us, on better acquaintance - I cannot fancy he will be without reason to thank you for having got him his place - I have had a correspondence with Mrs. Bull from the very day after writing to you last - she got us a cookhouse-keeper and housemaid, and her letter received on Tuesday last settled the matter about a footman, but informed me, also, of the appallingly sudden death of the housekeeper - I trust, however, that we shall be provided for, by and by - I have asked Mrs. Bull if she can send us ‘a good steady groom to take charge of 3 ponies, and 2 carriages, - who would come for a few months, if our arrangements for travelling on the continent should make it unnecessary to keep him longer’ - Do pray, my dearest Mary,  tell me your custom about liveries - As soon as you letter comes, I will write again to Mrs. Bull, explaining more particularly - at present, the thing stands thus - cookhousekeeper £30 housemaid ten guineas - footman £20, and liveries as customary - washing is, of course, included in the twenty pounds; and tea and sugar must be given or allowed for after the rate of...... (I can turn to your most useful letter on this latter head) - I should suppose the housekeeper will have nous enough to manage nicely, but I would rather that we ourselves 1st leant thro’ you what is proper - whenever I have more leisure I will tell you as much as you like about our going on - For our present équipage, we think of having (according to your recommendation) a cookhousekeeper, kitchen maid, and one housemaid - then shall we, or shall we not, raise the 1st of these a little, and let her sit with our own and my aunt’s maid in the housekeeper’s room, and leave the housemaid and kitchen maid tête-à-tête in the kitchen? the footman,

SH:7/ML/E/19/0102

and groom, and John Booth (whose places are the cowhouse, pigsty, poultry yard, stable if wanted, garden  if wanted to help occasionally) have the servants hall - it is talked of our washing once a fortnight - who is to turn the washing machine, and mangle? we shall have cellaring to allow of brewing only once in 2 months - who should brew? as we have only one man in the house, had John Booth best brew, or, at least, wash barrels and bottles? Matty Pollard and her husband go to the Lodge, which leaves the Conery for the gardener till something better is provided - the Carman will be at Mytholm - we shall have the new servants on the 13th if we can be ready by that time - when, or if ever we shall have new kitchens, je n’en sais trop - but the present offices will be very tolerable - the kitchen-door and court are turned to the east, and are thus easily come at by all kitchen people and concerns - the servants hall (quondam backroom, and full of sticks) opens into the court (by a door opposite the kitchen door turned to the east) and into the house by a passage from the upper kitchen - the housekeepers room (parlour where Watson used to sit) opens into a little bedroom (quondam the coach house) where the housekeeper is to sleep - the maids sleep over the housekeepers’ room - and the green room where Watson used to sleep, and where I hope she will sleep again, is made rather neater, and now occupied by Cookson (she came from Mrs. Worsley of Hovingham and was mentioned by Mr. Parsons junior with whom she learnt hair dressing) - Cookson on any occasion can sleep with the housekeeper, or in a little room elsewhere, or over the kitchen - In short, I think we shall have room enough to make ourselves very fairly comfortable - Do tell me, how do you bake your bread? in a brick oven? I have a great fancy for one if it can be managed safely - I only hope we shall have done with workmen in the house before we leave home - nothing as to travelling plans, is more settled than when I wrote last - my aunt is more poorly again - but not at all alarmingly so - she desires me to give her love - I am really ashamed to ask you so many questions (knowing that you are little less busy than I myself am) but if you can, without great sacrifice of time, give us on account of your school, and clothing club, and Friendly society, you would very much oblige us - have you not a printed form of Friendly society rules? and have you not a printed list of clothing prices? How do you pay your scholars for the work they do? It seems odd to ask you all this, while the person from whom you yourself asked it is still living at Lightcliffe -the truth is, there is no longer any intercourse between the parties, but the story is too long and unimportant to tell, or attempt to tell on paper - Put off, if it seems safe to do your visit to York till near Xmas, and then, if you should pass this way, I trust you will find that there may always be some comfort in seeing an old friend - I hope you have good accounts from the minster court - the thought of your mother brings to mind my aunt - Perhaps this winter may make great changes - write to me soon, and be confident always of the very sincere and affectionate regard of your faithful and especial friend AL’ - we may we not put 2 or 3 menservants beds (2 in a bed) in one room if the space will allow?  is the cookhousekeeper to have kitchen perquisites? Is she to have the key of the store-room? is she or the footman to look to the fastening of the doors at night? may we not put 2 or 3 menservants beds (2 in a bed) into one room if the space will allow? - at church at 3 - took Cookson with us inside and Sarah outside with George in consequence of the rain - Mr. Wilkinson did all the duty - in the middle of the psalm on our going into church - preached 25 minutes from John xvii. 15 - 50 minutes at Cliff Hill Mrs. AW in spirits and humour and glad to see us - a few minutes at the school in returning to leave 2 parcels - home at 5 50 - copied my letter to M- till dinner at 7 10 - coffee upstairs and A- read several pages of French - ¼ hour with my aunt till 10 5 pm Rainy day and heavy rain at 11 10 am and as we returned from the school and at 7 pm F55° now at 10 ¼ pm - sent off tonight my letter to ‘Mrs. Lawton, Lawton Hall, Lawton Cheshire’

[bartramcat]

CSI: Harvest and No Humans Involved

So my latest mini-marathon involved the first half of Season 5. Among other observations, I have always linked these 2 episodes in my mind, probably because they both deal with the needless death of children at the hands of the very persons who should have been taking care of them. Not unsurprisingly, they were both scripted by Judith McCreary.

In terms of the larger GSR arc, it struck me how the two episodes elucidate the very similar and personal responses of Grissom and Sara to the neglect and abuse of children. Harvest focuses more on Grissom, and NHI on Sara. Moreover, inherent in both cases are aspects which cause the 2 CSIs to confront pieces of their pasts.

In Harvest, we learn the young girl was brought into the world for the sole purpose of keeping her older brother alive: a genetic match whose blood and marrow could be mined from her to stave off leukemia in him. When the brother decides to put her out of her misery, with what he sees as a mercy killing, his family closes ranks and attempts to frame a pedophile for her death.

Grissom and Sara get the first hint that something is not what it seems when they search Alicia's room and discover she was surfing organ transplant sites. When Sara opines that it is a little over a 7th grader's head, we get the only GSR "moment" in either episode; Grissom tells Sara he bets she was a pretty smart 7th grader. Shortly thereafter they discover Alicia had a crush on a boy named Jimmy Jones, and they meet her brother, Daniel, who is obviously not well. In her diary, they learn there was to be an upcoming surgery.

The boy, Jimmy, tells Brass and Catherine about a creepy guy who watched them. Nick plots the locations of registered sex offenders, and the team focuses on one Marlon Waylord, who fits Jimmy's description and the one Alicia's sister gave. While the pedophile turns out to be a dead end, we are shown Grissom's utter contempt for him.

After Alicia's body is found, and the investigation rules out all other viable suspects, both autopsy and the blood evidence lead Grissom to the unmistakable conclusion that Daniel killed his sister, misguidedly thinking he was sparing her from further pain on his behalf. When he asks where he is, he is told he is in church.

Grissom can't comprehend why Daniel thought it was a mercy killing, telling him it was an execution. He asks him why he didn't kill himself instead. Daniel's answer makes his head spin: because suicide is an unforgivable sin. "But you believe your God forgives murder?" Daniel then thanks him for being the only person who ever cared about Alicia. "You may not believe in God, sir but you do his work."

We are left with the image of Grissom staring up at the image of Jesus, a look of incomprehension on his face. The episode gives us insight into perhaps some of the reasons Grissom has struggled with the concept of faith in general and organized religion in particular. He cannot subscribe to a dogma that places a harsher penalty on suicide over the murder of a child.

While we are never given any timeline for Grissom's break with the Catholic Church, the fact that empirical science is the one thing he wholeheartedly embraces and believes in seems to be a core part of his character for at least as long as he has been a CSI.

In No Humans Involved, it is Sara who comes face-to-face with a family member who allows her own nephew to starve to death under her watch. Interestingly, she works primarily with Greg, who seems to have even more trouble coming to terms with the dead child than she does. Her other main interactions are with Brass and Doc Robbins, as she obsessively seeks to learn the identity of the child.

When the child's former foster mother becomes a possible suspect in his abuse, Sara's interactions with one of her fosters tells us more about her past than we heretofore had been granted privy to. Sara had been "in the system" for quite a while, although we do not yet know why. Through her interactions with Glynis, Sara learns that the boy had two brothers and that their mother had reclaimed them.

(It turns out that the mother had snapped and assaulted her abusive boyfriend with a brick and was given 90 days for assault.)

The investigation leads them to a hooker named Divine, who turns out to be the boys' mother's cousin. Apparently, she left her sons with her to pursue a job in Seattle. Divine made no effort to take care of them, locking them in a storage shed with no food, spending the money their mother had sent for them on a new TV. Brass, Greg and Sara find the two older boys just in time.

While Sara remains under control throughout this case, she is confronted by a number of "hot-button" issues during its run: child abuse, domestic abuse, foster care. The end of the episode shows Sara sitting alone at a computer. She sees Sophia in Grissom's office seemingly actively flirting with him; she looks to the left and sees the guys goofing around in the break room; she sees Catherine in the hallway, pause, look at the guys and then at her watch, and she departs. Sara glances right again and then types in the search field: THE PEOPLE VS. LAURA SIDLE W/2 MODESTO, CA 1984.

If Nesting Dolls is the watershed episode, not only for GSR but also for our understanding of one Sara Sidle, No Humans Involved is the prequel. While Sara's empathy for the abused children is in no way new, that we learn she was in foster care and that her mother was prosecuted for something is. Of course, at this point, it's out of context. It is possible we can see this case as a kind of trigger for her: the events of the case are so close to her own experience that it prompts her to seek out information about her past. Reliving her childhood trauma, even by way of a legal document, may be directly causal to her losing it in ND.

(As an aside, I do not read her as jealous of Sofia here. In Snakes, she seems to have become reconciled to the fact that she will always love Grissom but that they are not in the cards. I do think she's jealous in Unbearable, as that occurs after whatever happened between them offscreen in ND.)

Finally, I will probably always think of these two episodes as companion pieces, not only because they deal with similar premises but because of how they offer pieces of insight into Grissom and Sara.

That and the fact they are both horrifying: two children are sacrificed on the altar of adult selfishness.

[collectsfallenstars]

Lee Gon’s 3 Rules and How and When He Fell In Love With Jeong TaeEul: An Analysis in 2 parts

Part 1: Love like You Row

It’s pretty easy to say that Lee Gon starts off in “The King: Eternal Monarch” already in love with Jeong TaeEul and he remains in that constant state all throughout the series.  That his character is that flat, as flat as the world according to Jeong TaeEul.  While it may be true that his character remains deeply devoted to her all throughout, I’m here to show you that he isn’t a flat character.  Aside from the external struggle he has with his uncle Lee Lim, and convincing TaeEul of his identity and depth of feeling for her, loving TaeEul also forced him to confront certain things.

On their first chicken dinner together in episode 2 which felt more like an extension of his interrogation instead of a friendly dinner, Lee Gon finds out exactly what kind of person he’s dealing with with Jeong TaeEul. He had just thanked her for being the reason why he survived the last 25 years of his life after his father had been murdered.  She was tied to that one great big mystery of his life and he had wanted to find her all these years. Now she was there, eating dinner with him.  But she didn’t believe anything he said, almost canceling out his entire existence because she did not have enough proof.

We are then taken to a flashback of baby Lee Gon talking with Lady Noh about the night his father was murdered while a cute baby Maximus ran around in the background.  Lady Noh hands over the two things Lee Gon had held onto that night – half of the broken bamboo flute and Jeong TaeEul’s ID.  And then little Lee Gon asks,

“DO YOU THINK IT’S HERE, THE REASON WHY I SURVIVED THAT DAY?”

The flashback ends and we are brought back to the present time with Lee Gon asking TaeEul,

“WHY DO YOU NEVER BELIEVE ANYTHING I SAY?”

This was a very good juxtaposition of events.  As a child, the question of why he survived had been foremost in his mind. That’s him questioning the purpose of his existence and he’s tied it to these two objects – the flute and TaeEul’s ID.  One is a symbol of utter power, and the other, I suppose, is love, or his destiny.

And all his life he believed held on to the idea that his life had purpose, had meaning, and it was tied to this woman, before him, who sat there not believing anything at all.  She tells him to stay put till she gets back his DNA test and he takes it out of context and asks her,

“ANYTHING ELSE? IS THERE ANY OTHER REASON? THE REASON WHY I HAVE TO STAY IN YOUR WORLD? COULD THERE BE A REASON?”

This is him grasping at straws, a little desperately.  He’s basically asking her to  tell him, give him his purpose. He’s waiting for her to say, “I want you to stay because of me.” To hand it over to him.  But of course, TaeEul thought it was all bullshit.

In Lee Gon’s world, he’s the king. He has never needed his existence to be validated.  And he has always been sure of who he was. But one thing he was never sure of was his why he survived that night, his purpose.  So he tied his purpose to the flute and to TaeEul. He had probably hoped that he would find it if he could just find her.

And he did find her.  But she doesn’t believe he exists.  She doesn’t believe his Kingdom of Corea exists.  And the only reason, she says, that she’s helping him is just so she can send him back home and get rid of him.

He realizes two things here.  Just because he found Jeong TaeEul doesn’t mean he gets an instant answer as to what his purpose is for surviving that night.  And just because he’s spent the last 25 years attached to the idea of TaeEul doesn’t mean that the moment she sees him, she’ll come running into his arms like a long lost love.  There is no love. At least, just yet.

This must have been a lonely time for Lee Gon. After this scene, we are shown a clip of him visiting an exhibit of Korea’s last monarch.  The building occupies the same place where he and his father were attacked in the Kingdom of Corea. But that history of the royal family doesn’t even include his line.  He has no identity, no history, no purpose.

And in this world, if he wanted purpose, it wasn’t just going to be a simple find Jeong TaeEul and she’ll give you the answer.  He’ll actually have to work for it, find it by solving the mystery of the bamboo flute and work on building a real  connection with Jeong TaeEul.

He finds out exactly how to best do that on this dinner too.  When Jeong TaeEul answers his question about why she wont’ believe him, she says,

“IS THAT HOW BELIEF WORKS?  I’M THE TYPE OF PERSON WHO STILL CAN’T BELIEVE THE EARTH IS ROUND.”

It’s in this part when he realizes they don’t see the world in the same way.  I like how he doesn’t force her to believe him just because he believes it, doesn’t guilt her into seeing things his way.  You know how most people would go, this is how I see it. why cant you see it my way? Nope. He shuts up.  He listens to her and understands that she needs to see things before she can believe them, and works with that instead of trying to change her mind.

He takes on 3 tasks.  He must first convince her that he is telling the truth about his identity.  He next has to convince her that parallel worlds exist.  Once those two things are done, it will be easier for him to convince her that his feelings for her are real.   He then formulates a plan the only way a mathematician and a rower would, tailor fitting it to meet Jeong TaeEul needs.  I've written about this on a previous post, detailing how Jeaong TaeEul’s feelings for Lee Gon devloped exactly because of this method. If you’re interested, you can just scroll down my tumblr. It’s in there somewhere.

As I said, he looks at situations like a mathematical equation. If there’s a problem, there has to be a solution. A beautiful one. And his solutions are pretty simple. Patience and honesty. Every time she asks him anything about his identity and where he’s from, he will tell always tell the truth. No matter how many times she asks the same question, he will always give her the same answer.  This is why rowing is such a perfect sport for him. He makes repetitive motions, moving in a single direction and onwards until the finish line.  That’s exactly how he was with Jeong TaeEul. Keep telling the truth until she believes.  But he won’t try to force her to believe him before she’s ready and endures it every time she insults him or accuse of fictionalizing everything.

If you look at episode 3, on what’s probably their 2nd chicken and beer dinner, he tells her,  

“YOU GOT NOTHING ON MY DNA RESULTS. BUT YOU STILL CAN’T REALLY BELIEVE ME, RIGHT? SO WHO DO YOU THINK I AM? THERE IS NO INFORMATION AT ALL ABOUT ME IN THIS WORLD.”

He leans forward on the table again, making the gap between them slightly smaller. Notice that he doesn’t make the conclusion for her. He just asks her the questions. He lets her make the conclusion on her own; and gives her time until she’s ready to actually say it out loud that she believes him, which won’t be until the 5th episode.  

Having gotten no results for his DNA and fingerprints should point TaeEul towards the existence of another world where he does exist.  But keep in mind that TaeEul needs to see something before she believes it.  And no results mean no evidence. No evidence means, it’s all bullcrap form TaeEul. So when he tells her,

“I HOPE YOUR EARTH CAN BECOME ROUND SOON.”

He is saying “I know you can’t see it, but I hope you believe that my parallel world exists, and that I exist for you.”  Just like the world being round.  He’s essentially preparing her for what’s to come next. And it has nothing to do with seeing his world and him being king because those are things she will be able to see for herself.  He’s preparing her for one of the greatest leaps of faith of all time – believing in love.  It is, after all, an intangible concept. You can’t see it, you can only feel it to know it exists.

Now, when the time finally came that TaeEul got all the evidence that she needed and was finally prepared to believe him, he was still very patient with her as he answered all of her questions about her ID card that was issued exactly when he said it would be.

He goes to her, gathers her hair together in ponytail in one hand, and holds on to the side of her neck with the other, while he answered all her questions correctly, getting rid of her last excuses for not believing him.  He is literally and figuratively holding her steady, as her world kind of fell apart knowing that she had been wrong all this time.  He didn’t jump with glee or anything because he was right and she was wrong. He understood how this must have been terrifying for her and he kind of just was there for her to help her keep it together.  Then he offers her his other world, letting her decide if she wants to see it for herself.

“DO YOU WANT TO SEE FOR YOURSELF? COME WITH ME TO  MY WORLD.”

He holds her hand, pulls her to Maximus, puts both her hands on his shoulders and he puts this woman who had never watched fairy tales on a white horse fit for a prince and princess.  I swear, when snow started falling in this scene, Maximus turned into unicorn for me.  It was that magical.

Physically, you can see him become more protective of her in this instant. He closes his hand over hers. Puts her hands on his shoulders as if to tell her you can depend on me, you can trust me.  He cages TaeEul between his arms as they ride off. And even when they get to Corea, he still has her inside his arms in a protective circle, asks the guards to step back because he knows exactly how flat earther Jung TaeEul will feel in a parallel world.  

He already knows she’s a strong capable woman. But he didn’t hesitate to provide comfort and protection because he understood that even the strongest ones may need comfort and protection at times.

He does gloat here, a little.

“SEE? I WAS RIGHT, WASN’T I?”

Still on his horse, he leans closer to her, almost speaking right into her ear. His lips quite possibly less than two inches away from her earlobe.  I mean…if I was Kim Goeun I’d be shivering with want. But of course, she’s very busy taking in the fact that a parallel world exists so maybe her libido is in the backburner for now.  But when she turns her head to face him, and it was , quite possibly, the sweetest, most electrifying non kiss kiss ever.

Now at this point, he seems to have ticked off all his tasks. Convinced her he’s a king. Convinced her that a parallel world exist. Now the next thing to do is to convince her that his feelings, 25 years in the making, are real.  

Part 2: Love of a Monarch with a Scar

But how real are his feelings?  Because the Jeong TaeEul he’s now with is very different from whatever he imagined Jeong TaeEul to be when he was 8 years old! That’s actually the first thing he had to confront the moment he met TaeEul at Gwanghwamun Square.  After they bicker and he insults her intelligence by asking,

“IT SEEMS YOU DO NOT KNOW WHAT A PARALLEL WORLD IS. DID YOU NOT STUDY SCIENCE?”

He finally observes something about her.  He says,

“IS THIS WHAT YOUR PERSONALITY IS LIKE? I HAVE NEVER IMAGINED IT. I THOUGHT YOU WOULD BE SOFTER.  THIS IS NEW.”

And this signals to the audience that he is aware that the Jeong TaeEul he had imagined and possibly loved for the last 25 years is different from the real Jeong TaeEul.  He might have arrived at the scene loving only the idea of TaeEul but as soon as the 2nd episode, he takes it upon himself to actually educate himself on all things Jeong TaeEul, setting aside all of his built up notions about her.

In the precinct, even in the midst of his interrogation, he takes the time to really look at her and come to a decision that she “LOOKED BETTER IN REAL LIFE.” So that’s great right, he prefers the 3 dimensional version of her as opposed to a picture. And then when TaeEul finally released him from jail, he reveals that he has already pumped Eunsup for information about her life.  He is making sure that he gets to know her right from the get go.  It was also on the 2nd episode that he went to the library to get to know her world’s history.  He looked up the poet  Kim SoWol and bought his book before going back to his world, just because TaeEul randomly quoted him during their conversation in the bamboo forest in episode 3.

Now he didn’t completely let go of his imagined version of a TaeEul because he did manage to get a short glimpse of a softer TaeEul during their early days together.  Time had to stop before he could see this softer side of hers because at this point, she still didn’t believe anything he said and was less likely to trust him enough to show him her softer side.  So when time stopped, that was the first time he got to see the TaeEul he had imagined all this time.  It was just there, buried underneath the hard, flat-earther exterior. He just had to wait til the 9th episode to finally see this softer, sweeter side of hers.

He also asks her important questions like, “Why did you become a detective?” which is essential when you’re trying to get to know someone. You ask them about their dreams to get an idea about the kind of person they are. Now, when TaeEeul answers,

“NOT EVERYONE IN THE WORLD CAN BE BRAVE.  SO I DECIDED TO BECOME BRAVE.”

it absolutely fascinated him. For someone who’s had his life set for him the moment he was born, the fact that someone can make a choice about which direction to take their lives must have amazed him. He admires this trait, that she can make a decision to be a cop just like that.

Notice also that she didn’t say, “I am brave so I joined the police force.” She said, I DECIDED TO BECOME BRAVE.”  If you look at Lee Gon, the kind of decisions he tends to make are what to do. Do I leave for my home? Do I stay a little bit more? Do I give her my name?  But the one thing TaeEul shows him is that he can make decisions on what kind of person he wants to be, just as she did.  So as he’s getting to know her, learning her, he’s also learning from her.

Why is this important? Because his identity is tied to him being a King. There’s a flashback of his time with his father on episode 4 where the father talks about the duties of a king. He asks, 

“DO YOU THINK YOU CAN FULFILL THIS CALLING, GON?” 

So it’s all about performing a duty that is attached to the title of King. CAN YOU DO IT?  It is never about what kind of King do you want to be? Which makes this part very important.

After she talks about her own dreams and what she wanted for herself, she asks him,

“SO THAT’S MY STORY. TELL ME WHAT KIND OF KING YOU ARE. A YOUNG, HANDSOME, AND RICH KING?”

This question appears to pleasure him, as much as bother him.  He answers,

“A ROWER, MATHEMATICIAN, A WELL-GROWN ORPHAN, AND THE OWNER OF THE FOUR TIGER SWORD. A KING WHO HAS NEVER BEEN ASKED SUCH A QUESTION AND TRYING HIS BEST NOT TO PANIC.”

This is her asking him, “How have you been doing as a king so far?”  How are you?  A question on his well being as a king.  Like whenever he returns to her from his world, he always asks how she has been and if she’s been well.  It appears to have the same effect on him.  It pleases him to know that she wants to know he has been doing.

But then, he also has no idea how to answer her question. And this makes him panic.

Since no one ever bothered to ask him what kind of person, what kind of King did he want to be, he never thought about it.  He just simply accepted that he was a king and had to fulfill the duties that came with it.  It probably never occurred to him that he can decide what kind of king he wanted to be.  It wasn’t just a job, which I suspect is how he sees it.  That’s why he likes escaping from time to time when it becomes too much.  But here was Jeong TaeEul, teaching him how to be a better King because being a cop is so much more than just a job for TaeEul.  Lee Gon is slowly becoming a better King, just by talking to TaeEul.  Imagine how much more glorious he would become once he gives himself fully to her, and she reciprocates that love?  

Ironically though, this love that taught him how to choose to brave is the same love that he has to give up when he finally chooses to be a brave King and save both worlds. But, we still have one more episode so that’s still up in the air.

Now, let’s go back to simpler times when their only problem was themselves and their own trust issues.  So as I said, he makes great effort to really get to know her and once he was able to tell apart the Jeong TaeEul in his imagination and the Jeong TaeEul in reality, he lets her know that he much prefers the real version of  TaeEul.   At the end of episode two, he tells her,

“YOU’RE ALWAYS BUSY AND YOU DON’T CARE MUCH FOR ME. BECAUSE OF YOU, I’M POWERLESS HERE. BUT IT’S FINE.  YOU ARE MUCH MORE AMAZING THAN I HAD IMAGINED.

This moment was especially pitiful because he said this after revealing to her that he felt hurt that she kept leaving him when she’s the only person he knows in this world.  But even through his hurt feelings, he is able to understand why she does this.  He understands that she’s busy, that she has a life, and that to her, he was simply just a stranger.  So if we jump to episode 8, when TaeEul asks him if he would have fallen for her if she had been rude and decided not to help him, Lee Gon really wasn’t lying when he said,

“I WOULD HAVE UNDERSTOOD AND THAT UNDERSTANDING WOULD HAVE LED ME TO FALL FOR YOU.”

Because he was already doing it as early as the 2nd episode.   She had just upset him and there he was, understanding why and still finding her amazing despite it all.   He tells her this in what seems like a love confession, at first, but it really isn’t.  When he compares her to the number Zero, he’s essentially saying that she alone can make him weak but at the same time, has the power to give him strength. And that whenever he felt trapped, she was the only one had the power to save him – like that night of treason.  He was seeing firsthand the effect she has on him.  And he sees that

she already has this much power and influence over him even without an established relationship.   That’s how much power he has handed to her by the simple fact that he has hung on to her existence for the last 25 years.  

This was not a confession of love but somehow, it feels heavier than that.  I appreciate how he didn’t rush to say the words I love you to her at this moment, but instead chose to show her what she meant to him.

I feel like saying I love is sometimes a cop out, you know. I’m just gonna lump all these feelings for you together and call it love.  But Lee Gon does not do that. He constantly reveals to her how she affects him. He is constant in allowing himself to be vulnerable and honest with how he feels for her.

“YOU LOOK BETTER IN REAL LIFE” is attraction.

“WHY ARE YOU TYING YOUR HAIR? DON’T TIE YOUR HAIR,” is a marked preference for the TaeEul in real life because the TaeEul in his imagination has her hair gathered in a low ponytail.

“DON’T GO. IT TOOK 25 YEARS FOR ME TO MEET YOU.  I HOPE TODAY WILL BE A LONG DAY,” is him begging, or bargaining for more time with her after having pined after her for so long. And he doesn’t hide the fact that he has pined for her for a long time.

“THANK YOU FOR EVERYTHING. BECAUSE YOU EXISTED SOMEWHERE, I WAS LESS LONELY FOR THE PAST 25 YEARS,” is deep gratitude.  Just the thought of her somewhere brought him comfort in his lonely life and that’s a powerful thing.  Most people depend on an actual presence of a person for them to be significant enough in their life.  But for Lee Gon, just the idea of her had been enough.

“THAT’S COOL, LT. JUNG TAE EUL,” is open admiration for her character and spirit.

But I think what really drove it home for me, and also my favorite declaration of devotion, is when he said, “I IMAGINED BRINGING YOU HERE LOTS OF TIMES BEFORE” when she asked him why he looked so calm after bringing her into the palace and the entire staff erupted in disarray.  It is a very simple line, but so naked in its honesty. And Lee MinHo delivers it with the glee of a child who opens his gift on Christmas  morning, gets exactly what he wants, and proceeds to tell his parents thank you because he’s dreamed of it all year long and now it’s his.  Except for Lee Gon, he’s dreamed of it for 25 years already.  Just the weight of that longing is flabbergasting.  Can you imagine anyone loving you this much?

However, for all of Lee Gon’s openness about how he feels for TaeEul, I don’t think he ever fully allowed her into his world until the 6th episode. And this is because of the 3 rules he has always abided by when it comes to himself and all three are rooted in his trauma from that night of treason in 1994.

He doesn’t eat food that hasn’t been tasted beforehand.

No one touches his body.

No one can call him by his name.

Now the first two are broken as early as the 1st and 2n d episode.  TaeEul cuffs him at Gwanghwamun Square and once more back in the precinct.  Then on the 3rd episode, she tapped Lee Gon on the shoulder on her way to the restroom. By this time, he’s not even protesting when she touches him, he even welcomes it now.  And this is growth for him, considering the last time someone touched him in such close proximity, he almost died.  And on their first dinner together, he actually surrenders that rule willingly, using that point to tell her what the idea of her has done to comfort him for the last 25 years.

But his last rule, the one rule he clung steadfastly to, was the one that did not allow anyone to call him by his name.  He consistently refused to give her his name in the first 4 episodes, and even when he finally did give it to her at the start of the 5th episode, he still stuck to the rule.  He gave her his name, but she is still not allowed to use it.

Now, on episodes 5 and 6, we see him on uber boyfriend mode. He’s like a kid who finally got a puppy. Here, let me take care of you. Here let me feed you. Here let me give you alcohol. Here let me kiss you. Here let me pick you up when you’re stranded. Let me play with your hand and show everyone how I feel about you. Let me pat your head to comfort you when you’re lonely.

He’s basically a giver. Let me love you. But the danger in being with someone like this is that they control what part of them you’re getting, because they pick and choose, very frequently, so you never feel like you’re lacking for any affection. But you’ll never know the full extent of what they’re giving and holding back because they won’t let you in. And he hasn’t. At least, not completely.

TaeEul had to find out the whole deal with Lee Lim and the night of treason by google searching Lee Gon and his family.  When he tells her,

“I GUESS YOU NOW KNOW WHAT ROOT YOU ARE STANDING IN FRONT OF.  IT’S MY HELL AND MY HISTORY THAT WAS ENGRAVED ON MY BODY BY THE GREED OF THE PERSON THAT KILLED MY FATHER AND STRANGLED ME.”

he simply confirms what she found out. But he didn’t offer the story himself. No matter how vulnerable he is with everything else, this source of his trauma is still something he struggles with.  And the way that he clings to the rule that his name must never be called by anyone is a manifestation of this.

Names are deeply personal and the people who are close enough to him to say it out loud are both dead.  So since he was 8, his name has never been called.  He has always existed as Pyeha to everyone and this safe distance  has guaranteed him safety.  No one will ever get close enough to try and murder him like his uncle did. But this also afforded him great loneliness. Because Pyeha is only a title but being King has swallowed up his entire existence.  That’s why he panicked when TaeEul asked him what kind of King he was.  That’s why the idea of his purpose for surviving that night still evades him.  Because if he doesn’t know who he is beyond the title of Pyeha, or King, it’s going to be hard to find out his purpose too.

And his name is his last barrier against TaeEul.  He’s given her everything, except for the right to call him by his name.  But she doesn’t wait for it. She punches right through his wall when she said,

“I WILL SEE YOU AGAIN, LEE GON.”

And he is left there, dumbfounded, because she dared.  He says,

“I THOUGHT MY NAME WAS NOT SUPPOSED TO BE CALLED. BUT I GUESS IT WAS SUPPOSED TO CALLED ONLY BY YOU.”

And with this, by calling him by his name, she is now the person closest to him. And the impact that this had on him was huge.  He’s been an orphan since he was 8 and no one has probably called his name with love until now.  She just blasted his whole world wide open. And this, I think, must have been the moment when Lee Gon fell in love with Jeong TaeEul, completely, helplessly, and fiercely.

[mylifeinchapters]

Chapter 3

Woof so last night was a something. Nothing too special but it was the 2nd day of jam-packed activity and it left me very tired. After work I went back to my apartment because it is easier to do my online therapy with Jane from my apartment then from my parent’s house. I got there and started to prep dinner when I got a knock at the door and surprise. It was the landlord telling me he had not gotten to my bathroom yet. (sarcastic yay) So he told me that Thursday will be the day it will get done and again I was like “OK but the mold” which he seemed to brush off. The mold is bad, but it stopped smelling as bad, I guess. Still bad and still bad enough for me to sleep at my parents. After he left I jumped online to talk with Jane. We just went over the course of the week. It’s weird that I don’t recognize that my life is stressful until some is like “yeah I can understand your anxiety you’ve been experiencing a lot of change lately” and then I reflect on that and I go “yeah you’re right how did I miss that” I feel a bit dumb because it so obvious.

Then came the rough part Rainbow Circle. I truly don’t know what to do with this group. I want it to keep going but people keep not showing up. I also don’t have topics to really talk about. Pause for a second. Rainbow Circle is an LGBTQ+ Christian group that I facilitate. I’m not the leader I just sorta get people together but I also feel like I’m kind of the leader and it is fizzling. The only people who showed up were John and Maryann. Suzanne bailed at the last second and I was so upset because I wanted to chat with her and also because she would be some who would talk. I am not a talker. I am a reactor. I add to the conversation and add insight and quips, but I am not good at generating conversation. Thankfully John is a talker, so we mostly talked about John’s problems/questions.

Maryann is confusing. I don’t think she wants to be at Rainbow Circle. I think she feels obligated to go for some reason, but she doesn’t like a lot of the people there and I don’t think she likes me anymore and I know people don’t like her and are avoiding RC because she is there. It’s annoying to know that if I kicked out Maryann maybe 2 people who I do like would come back. But that’s not the Christian thing to do.

But the way I have been treated by Christians I don’t know if I would even consider myself a Christian anymore. I’m very burned out by Christianity and its rules that say I am not good enough because I am gay. I’ve lived with that way thinking all my life and it is bullshit! I hate it and I hate the people think less of the LGBTQ+ Christians. So why do a facilitate a Christian group. I don’t know anymore. The rules of being a good Christian that I grew up with are wrong. God has not changed, I still think God loves me as I am, a HOMOSEXUSAL!!!!  but I have grown past the teachings of my childhood, I understand more. To quote the Tilda Swinton from Doctor Strange, “You’re a man looking at the world through a keyhole. You’ve spent your whole life trying to widen that keyhole, to see more, to know more. And now, on hearing that it can be widened in ways you can’t imagine, you reject the possibility.” Unlike Benedict Cumberbatch I have not rejected the possibility that God is bigger than the doctrine I was taught and that looking at the keyhole (AKA religion or God or faith) from a different perspective has given me a bigger idea of who God is. Not being stuck in rigid teaching has shown me more about myself and God. To quote Iroh from Avatar the Last Airbender, “It is important to draw wisdom from many different places. If you take it from only one place, it becomes rigid and stale.” (honestly there are a ton of Iroh quotes. Maybe I’ll do post on them).

Then in what still feels like blasphemy I said out loud to people that I think other religions still lead to the same God and I know the 2009 version of me would have had a heart attack and would be very concerned for the 2021 version of me’s soul. I’m OK and I don’t know if that’s where I exactly land but it doesn’t feel completely wrong either so I am sitting with it for now. What started and as a conversation about John letting his son participate in communion transformed into a theological discussion on merits of institutionalized doctrine that goes against our understanding of who God is. In hindsight it was a good conversation and presents be me with a lot to chew. Like If the church is wrong about LGBTQ+ matters what else are they wrong about? How much of the teaching I learned as kid do I keep and what do I throw away? Can I even throw away aspects of a religion? If I do, aren’t I just created a new religion?  That’s why we have some many Christian denominations right? I think this is why I am still in the group even if it was just me and John talking. It challenges me and my views of God and I still, deep down, I want to be connected to a Christina group. I still like God and I still frame myself in relationship to God…even when it’s negative thoughts. It’s ingrained in me and I don’t think that is a bad thing. I closed out the night in prayer and I rushed to the gym.

I weighed myself before the Gym and I am still 190. Yeah, I have made some poor food choices since being at my parents but in no way has it been detrimental to my diet. I’ve been to the gym every day, and I have been eating within my calorie range…probably. I don’t eat all day and then I eat a ton of food at night and when I mean a ton of food let’s take last night as an example. Dinner was asparagus and salmon, very low calorie so I upped my calories by eating pumpkin seeds, then I ate some wild rice, but the big mistake was eating a giant frosted cookie the size of a CD. It was good but I also don’t know how many calories I ate. I had 1800 calories to play with so I should be fine…right?

I went to the gym and nothing crazy happened. I did back and 1 chest exercise. I avoided the personal trainer who is “helping me lose weight” because I have a session with him the next day. But man, personal trainer sessions are a rip off. They are so dumb. I am paying someone to be my spotter. Its dumb and I have not lost any weight. But I do like how I look. I’m giving off muscle bear vibes which is a look I really like. So I’m happy with how I look, I just want to lose some of the fat. I think I just want to define the chest more and sort of smooth out the gut. If I could look like the below picture I’d be happy.  

After the gym I shopped for pumpkin seeds and grabbed popcorn and chips. Popcorn just in case I got hungry and chips for the podcast. I won’t eat the chips until Monday. Then I went to my parents. At this point it’s 9pm and my mom is curiously still up milling around. She just wanted to watch TV with me I guess but I felt weird having her watch people explain the Dragonball Fighterz update patch so I decided to test my mom. I put on ContraPoints video essay about Envy. Would mom be bothered by a socialist transwoman talking about 1 of the 7 deadly sins? Since Natalie didn’t overtly say she was trans or a socialist it wasn’t a good test, but it was a good video even if it did put mom to sleep. I think we made it halfway through before I stopped it and she went to bed. I never got her feedback on the video and I don’t think I will ask. Is it weird that I am recounting the previous day in my journal entries….hmmmmm probably.

Work is boring and I just want the day to be over. 

[exxar1]

Interlude 1: Lessons From The Old Testament

3/27/2021

             It is a lovely Saturday afternoon in Las Vegas. And I mean genuinely beautiful spring weather! It’s 73 degrees outside with a perfectly pleasant breeze that would be great accompaniment for a hike in Red Rock canyon. Alas, I must report for work in an hour.

           In following my plan to read the whole Bible in a year, I’ve been working through the books of Samuel and Kings for the last 2 weeks. This morning I wrote down some of the lessons I’ve gleaned from the Old Testament in general, but these 4 books in particular.

1.     Am I listening for God’s voice? 1 Samuel 3:10: “…Speak; for thy servant heareth.” No, God doesn’t use an audible voice today as He did with Samuel, but that’s because we now have his Holy Word in the form the Bible. We also have the Holy Spirit if we are truly born again. I need to make sure that I’m always listening for the Spirit and seeking God’s wisdom in all things. I should never be so busy with daily life, nor should the noise of the world be so loud, that I don’t hear God when He speaks to me.

2.    God does not tolerate sin. Eli was a servant of the Lord, but he failed to rear his sons to also fear and obey God. Because of this, God took the lives of all three and gave the priesthood to Samuel. Same for the nations of Israel and Judah. Throughout the books of Samuel and Kings, God punished his chosen people over and over as they continually disobeyed his commandments and turned to idol worship. There were occasional respites, short periods where certain kings would obey and fear God; David and his son Solomon, for example. Unfortunately, those two – and two or three others in the succeeding generations – were the exception, not the rule.

Am I always obeying the Lord’s commandments? Am I living my life in complete service to Him? When I do sin, am I genuinely repentant? God will forgive me, His love and mercy are as vast as the universe He created. But He is also a jealous God, and He will punish me when I turn from Him, as a loving father will discipline his child when he strays. I should always be striving to please God and obey Him always in all things.

3.    There are consequences for sin. God’s divine patience with Israel and Judah finally reached an end in the latter half of the book of 2nd Kings. He delivered His people into the hands of their enemies, and both nations were exiled into Babylon. Chapter 17: 7-23 summarizes the sins of Israel and Judah and God’s punishment for their continual sin.

Even though God will always forgive me when I sin, He will not spare me the consequences of my sin. Therefore, I need to always be seeking Him first and be making good choices.

4.    God will reward obedience and faithfulness to Him. David was chosen as King of Israel because he had a heart that was always seeking God. Even in the worst times of his life, when he was on the run and hiding from Saul, David never lost his faith that God was always with him, and that He would take care of him. (Psalms 23 & 46.) God rewarded this faithfulness time and again throughout David’s life.

Same goes for Solomon. When God spoke to Solomon early in his life, Solomon requested not riches or long life but, instead, the wisdom to lead the nation of Israel. God rewarded Solomon’s request with not only wisdom but riches as well.

Now, it should also be noted that, even though David and Solomon always sought to please and obey God, they also sinned. Both men were polygamists, and David even committed murder to try to cover his sin of covetousness and adultery. But God used them anyway, and each still suffered the consequences of their sin. Which brings us to the final point:

5.    God always keeps his promises. The Israelites were never completely wiped from the face of the Earth. God had made a covenant with Abraham, and He had also promised His people salvation through the lineage of David. Therefore, while He allowed His people to suffer the consequences of their disobedience, He still protected them and kept His word to them.

God will do the same for me. No matter how many times I stray, I will never lose my salvation. God has promised me that He is preparing a place for me in Heaven, and He will keep that promise. But neither is that a license to go do whatever the hell I want. Refer back to lesson #3.

           What I also found most striking about these four books was the clear parallel of the nation of Israel/Judah at this time and the United States today. Over the past year, I have argued with strangers on Facebook who try to convince me that America is not now and never was a Christian nation. That belief utterly baffles me. The phrase “In God We Trust” is still stamped on all our coins. The Declaration of Independence uses the phrase “divine Creator”. Despite all the scrubbing and washing by today’s social justice warriors, it’s still a known fact that all our founding fathers believed in the basic religious principles taught in the scriptures. Those principles are scattered throughout the Declaration of Independence, the Constitution, and other documents such as the Federalist Papers. George Washington and his compatriots might not all have been born again Christians, and they were most certainly as flawed, failing and sinful as you and me. But they regarded the Bible as an essential guide to the basic facts of our flawed, failing, sinful human nature, and they crafted a carefully constructed form of government that was designed to enhance the best in all of us and, by the same effect, discourage the worst.

           Today, that government is in serious threat of being dismantled from the inside out. The founding fathers had not anticipated what Paul wrote to Timothy: “This know also, that in the last days perilous times shall come. For men shall be lovers of their own selves, covetous, boasters, proud, blasphemers, disobedient to parents, unthankful, unholy, without natural affection, trucebreakers, false accusers, incontinent, fierce, despisers of those that are good, traitors, heady, highminded, lovers of pleasures more than lovers of God; having a form of godliness, but denying the power thereof: from such turn away.” (2 Timothy 3:1-5)

           Today’s generation is all about the self. Just as Israel and Judah in the Old Testament continually turned away from God to worship false gods and idols, so we today have turned away from God to worship the idol of ‘self’. There is not a single news headline lately that doesn’t bear some form of the phrase “personal rights”, or “individual truth”, or “living as him/her/itself”. Everyone screams about their own “truth” and that their “rights and freedom of expression” are all that matters, especially when it comes to the homosexual and transgender movements. Everyone’s rights are more important than everyone else’s, and our nation has become a people who are “…lovers of pleasures more than lovers of God.” (And no, before you even say it, I am not referring to the COVID/mask/pandemic government mandates. That specific case is a whole ‘nother argument where, yes, personal rights and freedoms most definitely matter.)

           And, just as He did to Israel and Judah at the end of 2nd Kings, God’s divine patience is rapidly running out for America. God delivered Israel and Judah into the hands of their enemies, the Babylonians. His chosen people spent seventy years in exile as punishment for their wickedness and their disobedience. Something I didn’t know before reading the commentary in my MacArthur study Bible is that Israel never returned from that captivity. Several thousand Israelites had migrated to the kingdom of Judah prior to the Babylonian captivity, so that all twelve tribes were still intact seventy years later, but it was only the former kingdom of Judah that actually returned, whole and united as the ‘new’ nation of Israel, seventy years later.

           Think about that. God kept his promise to Abraham. The whole of His chosen people were not utterly wiped from the face of the earth, but the meager, reunited nation that returned from Babylonian captivity was nowhere near the size or power that it once was. God’s wrath was justified and vast.

           If you study world history, you will find that ANY nation that has ever put God first has ALWAYS prospered. Think of the Victorian era of 19th century Great Britain. Queen Victoria was – and still is – revered as one of England’s greatest monarchs, and it’s because she believed that her empire was blessed by God. The evidence is self-explanatory. At that time, England – and the United States – were considered by all the world as the greatest powers, and the best lands of equal opportunity by all those seeking a better life. Our founding fathers built this nation on the premise that God had created every man and woman – no matter his/her race or station in life – equal. That ALL of us were endowed by our Divine Creator with certain, inalienable rights. And that, as long as we continued to recognize the source of our blessing and our greatness as a nation, we would prosper.

           Sadly, that cannot be said of us today. We, as a nation, have fallen so far from God’s grace that I wonder what our exile will look like. Though I have not yet done a close reading and study of the book of Revelation, I am fairly certain that nowhere in that book is there a mention of any western nation such as ours. We are rapidly losing our reputation as a world super power, and I believe that America as we know it today will not exist by the time chapter one of Revelation begins. And, right now, it’s not hard to see why.

           John 1:4-5 says, “In Him was life; and the life was the light of men. And the light shineth in the darkness; and the darkness comprehended it not.” (Emphasis mine.) America has become filled with great darkness. For me, personally, that is my only mission for the rest of my life. I will do what I can to be a light for Christ and the gospel as we get closer and closer to that first chapter of Revelation. God’s wrath is coming, and only those who have believed on His name and accepted Him as their Lord and savior will be spared His judgment.

           The only answer for today’s corrupt generation is the command from God found in Matthew 6:33, “But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and His righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you.” For those who are still ignoring that command, Isaiah warns, “Seek ye the Lord while He may be found, call ye upon Him while he is near: let the wicked forsake his way, and the unrighteous man his thoughts: and let him return unto the Lord, and He will have mercy upon him; and to our God, for He will abundantly pardon.”

           Amen.

[paodequeijofeliz-blog]

Let me tell you a good story

Bloodbound Fanfiction (characters and main story belongs to Pixelberry Studios).

Pairing: Kamilah Sayeed and MC (Annie)

Information:  this takes place after Bloodbound 3, here I’m recreating how Kamilah and MC would meet if she had never gone to Raines Corporation right away.

Summary: Thirty years after meeting Annie for the first time, Kamilah is now a wife and a mother. During a regular family dinner, she decides to tell her daughter and their new son-in-law the story of how she fell in love with Annie after an unusual meeting through the hallways of NYU.

Warnings: none

Part 1 Part 2 Part 4

Let me tell you a good story - Part 3

March 2nd, 2048 “No way!” Drake leaned back on the chair, laughing his heart out. “You didn’t realize that Ms. K. Sayeed was her??”

“No!!” Anna whined behind her hands. “I found out later.”

“A month later, might we add.” Kamilah was shaking her head judgementally. “You cannot imagine how much fun I had listening to her complaining about the boss, ‘Ms. Sayeed’, right in my office.”

“FOR ONE MONTH?” Drake’s chin fell.

“I… I… Uh, come on! It’s not my fault. She signed her works with ‘K. Sayeed’. How the hell would I know? I don’t google every author I read.”

“But, ma’am, she told you her name was Kamilah right before joining a conference which had for main lecturer a ‘K. Sayeed’.”

“Wait, let me defend her now.” Lysia put a hand on Drake’s arm, suddenly monopolizing his attention. The diamond ring on her finger sparkled against the light. “In Brazil, Kamilah is a quite common name, but not with a ‘K’. It’s always with a ‘C’. She had never met a ‘Kamilah’ with a ‘K’ before. Therefore, she couldn’t link my mom’s name with ‘K. Sayeed’. It’s like someone telling you her name is ‘Kate’ right before going to a conference held by, I don’t know, ‘C. Hudson’. Would you automatically think this could be a ‘Cate’ with a ‘C’?”

Kamilah gave her daughter a proud smile. There was her little genius lawyer showing up. Every time Lysia put on that tone on her voice, so delicate yet firm and confident, the vampire queen would feel the urge to applaud and hug her tight. She grew up so fast. When did my little fairy princess-ninja become a beautiful woman?

“Ok, ok. Now I get it.” Drake gave in, melted by the argument as much as by Lysia’s touch. “Go on. When did you find out? What happened?”

Annie took a deep breath, her face already back to its natural colour. “So, after I basically criticized and called her thesis’s conclusion to be stupid… And laughed at Adrian’s thesis as well… Kamilah just fell in love.”

The woman beside her almost choke on wine. “Excuse me?”

“Oh, please. You got horny cause I had the audacity to criticize your work. No one had done it before.”

“MOM!” Lysia twitched her nose. “Please, do not say horny. That’s not a picture I want in my head.”

“Alright. Your mother felt very… Blissful. She spent an entire week thinking about my gorgeous audacity, until she finally took the courage to invite me out on a date. Actually, to command her assistant to do it.” Anna shot an accusing glare. “Couldn’t do it yourself, huh? Coward.”

Kamilah crossed her legs, avoiding that look. “We could say, if you insist, that I was only being careful to let someone more… Social… Handling the situation. And it wasn’t a real date.”

Annie laughed. “Right. I know you just wanted to see me again.”

 August 22nd, 2018

             Days were getting a bit too cold for Anna’s taste. She had grown in such a hot city that anything under 25ºC (77ºF) was already considered freezing. Hence why she was wearing heavy pajamas and socks that afternoon, all covered in blankets while eating cookies. It was her day off and Princess Bride was on TV. She had seen it a hundred times, for it was her favourite movie, yet still laughed at the same jokes. One day, months later, Annie would watch it again with her girlfriend. Three years from now, with her wife. In ten years, with her five-year-old child between her legs. But tonight, all she was aware of was a warm feeling on her chest, the urge to see someone she didn’t know how to find.

           “Stop it”. She stared at the cookies, scowling. “It was just a random woman. You don’t even know anything about her. She could be a boring ass businessperson.”

             “Ahem.” Kamilah interrupted the story, an icy glare coming down at Annie. “I don’t understand why being a businessperson sounds like a flaw in your mouth.”

           “Not the point. Hush.”

             The movie was about to end when a high sound made Anna jump on the couch.

           “Phone! Ok, where is it…” She went looking around the mess of books and papers, until finally finding it hidden inside a pencil case. “Yes, hello. Hi.”

           “…Am I speaking to Ms. Anna Mali?”

           “Yup, that’s me. Who is this?”

           “Ms. Mali, my name is Jacob Lee, I’m… Kamilah’s assistant. She wished to know if you’re available to have dinner tonight, at seven o’clock.”

           “Oh.” Annie sank on a chair, confused. “Are you asking me out on a date? I mean, Kamilah. Through you.”

           “I’m… Not sure if she would like me to answer that. I was specifically told to call you and set dinner to either tonight or Saturday night. Whatever suits your schedule.”

           “Right. Can you put her on the phone, please?”

           “She is at a meeting now.”

           “Of course.” Annie sighed, disappointed. “Ok. Tonight’s perfect. Where should I meet her?”

           “I’ll text you the address. Thank you for your time, Ms. Mali.”

           Something was off. Anna stared at her phone, trying to understand what just happened when Lily’s voice appeared from the steamy bathroom. “So, I think now we’ve officially ran out of hot water. What ya doing, girl? Let’s put another movie on.”

           “I... Think I might have a date. In two hours.”

           “WHAT? Is it the hot woman you met that day? Was it her on the phone?” Lily grew impatient by the silence. “Come on! Give me something here!”

           “Yes, I… Lil, okay, listen, this is super important. Help. Me. Look. Gorgeous.”

           She took the mission seriously. Without much time to think about it, Lily fetched a nice fancy dress, combed her hair into a loose bun, put on a provocative shade of red lipstick and, finally, struggled against the decision of which coat letting her use. Normally, Anna would wear something warm and heavy. It was 20ºC (68ºF) outside, and for her that was enough reason to burry herself in clothes. But Kamilah would definitely judge it.

           “Ok, blood. You better boil in there and keep my friend warm because we’re doing this.” Lily handed her a light and elegant lace coat.

           “Is my accent too strong?” she bounced at the doorway, still unsure.

           “Yes, and for the hundredth time, don’t let this bother you so much. You speak four languages, for fuck’s sake. If anyone around here mocks your accent again, I’ll kick his ass. Stop worrying and go. Text me if you need rescuing, alright?”

           It was 06:45 when she left the apartment. Ten minutes later, her cab stopped at the destination.

           “Have a good date, miss!” said the driver.

           “Thank you! But… Wait, is this correct?”

           “Yes, miss. It’s the address you gave me.”

           They were parked outside a huge and beautiful business building. Not the kind of place for dates. Anna walked in with a confused look on her face. A sign on the wall said “Ahmanet Financial”. That’s oddly familiar. The moment she approached the balcony, a young man came to greet her. His voice sounded familiar the minute he started speaking.

           “Good evening, Ms. Mali. Kamilah must be down in a minute. Could you kindly wait at the lobby?”

           “Hm, Jacob… Right? Jacob Lee.”

           “Yes, that would be me.”

           “I’ll wait, no problem. She can take her time.”

           “No need.” Kamilah’s voice made them jump. She had just stepped out of the elevator. “You can go back upstairs, Jacob. Thank you.”

           “Yes, Ms. S… I mean, Kamilah. Boss. I’m going.” The assistant seemed troubled, walking hesitantly away from them.

           Anna opened her mouth to ask what the hell happened to him, but she shut it when her eyes noticed the look on the other woman’s face. Kamilah’s stare started on her shoes, slowly climbing the legs covered by pantyhose, passing through the black flowered dress, lingering a while at the neckline and finally reaching the red lips. The Brazilian felt so deeply analysed a shiver went through her spine. Kamilah’s critical eyes weren’t giving away her thoughts. She could be either enjoying or hating the view, there was no clue.

           “Good evening.” Anna spoke, both hypnotized and insecure. “Uhm… You… You look gorgeous. Well. Fancy. You look fancy. Let’s go with that.”

           Kamilah arched an eyebrow, slightly surprised. “Thank you. May we go?”

           “Sim. May. We may.” Annie sighed. “Sorry, sometimes I still struggle against the language.”

           “Don’t worry. I am familiar with the feeling.” Kamilah walked back to the elevator without even checking if the girl was following.

           “So, you’re not American?” she tried to catch up her fast pace.

           “No. I’m Egyptian. But I came here a long time ago.”

           Annie kept her silence, well-aware that the woman was staring at her again. Maybe that wasn’t a date at all, but a job interview. Maybe she was being considered to fit a position. No… It doesn’t make sense. My work has nothing to do with all of this. When the elevator doors opened, it was to the entrance of a highly fancy restaurant. A tall hostess came to greet them while another one guided both to an empty table by a huge window.

           “Red or white?”

           “What?” Anna looked away from the view. “Oh, the whine. White, please. Sauvignon Blanc.”

           Kamilah kept her posture, not even glancing at the whine menu. Even though her expression was unreadable, the tone on her voice seemed a little impressed. “You heard the lady, Mr. Kendall. Bring us the best Sauvignon Blanc you have.”

           “Right away, miss.”

           Anna watched as the waiter left them, suddenly noticing they were the only two clients there.

           “How was the other professor’s article?”

           “Who?” The Brazilian woman looked down, momentarily searching her memory. There went the fingers entangling again. “Oh. You mean Faith? From that night? It was good. There were a few improvements to do, though.”

           “I see.”

           Anna smiled as the waiter poured the wine for them. Her hands seemed to hesitate, waiting for Kamilah to drink it first, only then taking a sip herself. After that, her body began to relax, black eyes sparkling as analysing the Egyptian’s features. “How was the lecture? Did you enjoy it?”

           “It was pleasant. Some of the speakers were quite good.”

           “I actually googled Ms. Sayeed works afterwards, while I was waiting for Faith.”

           Kamilah’s lips opened a small smile, her voice showing a hint of curiosity. “And?”

           “She has some articles about history I wasn’t aware of. She can be really interesting when is not talking about economics.” Anna taped her fingers together, trying to speak slower so she wouldn’t miss the pronunciation. “I read four of them. Two about history itself. Loved these. She gets the job of the historian in a way only a few do… It’s almost like she can feel the passing of time, our history, differently than the rest of us.”

           Kamilah crossed her legs, still amused. “What about the other two?”

           “It’s hard for me to criticize it, they were about Egyptian history. I don’t know much of this subject. It was well-written, that’s for sure.” Anna narrowed her eyes, like something was finally connecting. “Wait.”

           Egyptian history. Egyptian woman. Ahmanet Financial.

           “This place…” She inclined her head, confused. “Is this place hers? Ahmanet Financial?”

           “Yes, it is.”

           “And you… Are you like… Her partner or something? Do you work for her?”

           Kamilah sighed. I cannot believe this. “Well, yes. I suppose we can say that.”

           Anna was still blushing. A beautiful tone of pink matching the red lips. “I knew the name of this building was familiar. Why didn’t you tell me? I wouldn’t have said all these things if I knew she was your boss.”

           “I appreciated the honesty.” Kamilah seemed to become more serious, her smile replaced by a solid face. “Ms. Sayeed… People don’t often say such straightforward thoughts about her work. Although I do disagree with you in many aspects, your opinions were truthful and valuable.”

           Annie closed her eyes of embarrassment. Since she was already feeling exposed, why not rip the band-aid off? “Kamilah, is this a date or a professional meeting?”

           The woman in front of her laughed for a second. “Oh, dear. You couldn’t possibly handle me on a date. Now… Let’s get down to business.”

[dailyaudiobible]

03/02/2021 DAB Transcript

Leviticus 25:47-27:13, Mark 10:32-52, Psalms 45:1-17, Proverbs 10:22

Today is the 2nd day of March welcome to the Daily Audio Bible I am Brian it is a joy and a privilege and an honor to be here with you today as we continue our journey and take the next step forward. We have been reading from the Amplified Bible this week, which is what we’ll do for the rest of the week. And the next step forward that picks up right where we left off yesterday, Leviticus chapter 25 verse 47 through 27 verse 13.

Commentary:

Okay. So, it's an interesting chain of events that happen in the gospel of Mark as Jesus is making His way towards Jerusalem. And let's remember, He's not going for a visit. He's going to His execution and He knows He's going to die, that He's going to be handed over and mistreated and be killed. And, so, He's beginning to tell the disciples this and as we read from the Scriptures today everybody's who’s kind of following along, they don’t want…this is not the message they want to hear. Like this is an alarming message. In fact, the scriptures say they were alarmed and afraid at this message. So…and even perplexed. So, they don't want to hear this message about Jesus dying even though He's telling them He will be raised from the dead because that's kinda going over their head. But can you imagine the weight on Jesus shoulders moving toward Jerusalem knowing, like knowing that every footstep is a footstep closer to your violent death, that every minute you spend on that path is a minute you have less to live before this happens? Like it's profoundly unsettling to even consider that and to consider that Jesus is going through that. And…and…and everybody who’s around Him is alarmed by it. So, He brings His disciples, the 12, aside and He's teaching them a little more intimately and been very clear that when they get to Jerusalem's like a chain of things are going to happen quickly and it's going to lead to His death and He's preparing them that He's gonna be taken away from them. And as the story is told in the gospel of Mark, James and John the two sons of Zebedee, in other Gospels their mom is there too, but they come to Him after this, right? So, after He's pouring His heart out, revealing what is on its way, like what the next days are going to look like and what He's carrying, James, and John, it…His two disciples, two of His disciples come to Him and they want a favor. Like it's almost as if they want this last request or whatever. And He says what do you want me to do for you and what they want is that one will sit on the right hand and one will sit on the left hand of Jesus when He comes into his glory. And, so, we can begin to understand that even though Jesus is telling them that He's going to be killed, this is still lost on them. They still have expectations of their Messiah, that He will take over, that He will overthrow the ruling government, that He will overthrow the Romans. James and John want that ground floor opportunity. They want to be on the right and left, like the immediate power as Jesus comes in this kingdom and He begins to reign. Like, this is their expectation. This is ultimately somehow what's going to happen when Jesus reveals Himself. We could pause there and contemplate because we find ourselves kinda making these same types of mistakes. We want Jesus to beat up the bad guys in our lives or in the world looking for Him to come and kind of take over things and then we can rule and reign with Him forever. It’s remarkably similar. The irony is that the kingdom they were expecting and looking for and even looking to Jesus to create and provide for them is not the kingdom Jesus was announcing. They were sort of expecting an ironfisted rule under the…the master Jesus. He’ll set everything right and we will be bestowed with power from Him to go and do His bidding and rule and reign. Jesus corrected them though. And…and He describes how things really are, how things really…like we may be looking for Jesus to ride in on a white horse and beat up the bad guys and destroy all the evil in the world, and that's eventually going to happen. Like, that's where this whole thing is going. But then as now, we have to understand how this kingdom that we are looking to be revealing and the kingdom that we want to be revealed, how it works. They want to be on the right and left hand of Jesus. They want to be in the seats of power. And I quote, “calling them to Himself Jesus said to them, you know that those who are recognized as rulers of the Gentiles lord it over them then their powerful men exercise authority over them by tearing rising them.” He's speaking to what they understand. They simply want to switch places. They want to be in the position of power. But I go on quoting Jesus, “but this is not how it is among you. Instead, whoever wishes to become great among you must be your servant, and whoever wishes to be first and most important among you must be slave of all. For even the Son of Man did not come to be served but to serve and to give His life as a ransom for many.” So, Jesus is telling His disciples what's gonna happen. They still don't get that He's actually going to die. They still believe that He's the Messiah and they have all the stereotypes of what that supposed to look like and it's going to…it's going to involve an overthrow of the ruling government. And they think this is gonna happen. And, so, they want to be in on it in His power on His right and His left and He tells them. this is not what's gonna happen. “If you want to be the greatest in the kingdom be the servant.” I don't know what else to say other than we should give that some thought because so often we are following as disciples and wanting the same thing that they did, and that's not what's going on here. Jesus is inviting us to participate in revealing a kingdom that is as it was supposed to be, a kingdom that is known by the love, a kingdom in which no one is lording over anyone else because there is only one lord and master.

Prayer:

Father help us…help us Lord to even see it. Help us to…because we need to see it before we can begin living in that direction. It is so counter to the world that we live in, but yet You've told us that if we want to be Your disciples, we’ve gotta take up our cross and follow You and that if that the only way the world will know we are Your disciples is through our love for one another. We have failed at this. Historically we have failed at this. We need to get this right and needs to begin in our own hearts. Come Holy Spirit as we contemplate this today. Show us changes that we need to make, the directions that we need to head into and the directions that we need to head away from. Come Holy Spirit we pray. In the name of Jesus, we ask. Amen.

Announcements:

dailyaudiobible.com, that’s home base, that’s where you find out what's going on around here, so be sure to stay tuned and connected like I say often. If you’re using the Daily Audio Bible app you can access pretty much all that’s at dailyaudiobible.com and stay connected that way.

I very often mention the Prayer Wall, that is in the Community section on the web or on the app. And, yeah, the Prayer Wall lives in the Community section. That's where we are continually praying for one another. It’s always open and always on. You’ll also find different links to the different social media channels that we participate in there in the Community section. So, check that out.

If you want to partner with the Daily Audio Bible, if the mission of what we do, bringing God's spoken word read fresh every day and given to the world to whoever will listen to it wherever they are no matter what they're going through no matter where…where they are on the planet no matter what time of day or night it is, that it's available, if that is life-giving to you, thank you for your partnership. There is a link on the homepage. If using the app you can press the Give button in the upper right-hand corner or the mailing address is PO Box 1996 Spring Hill Tennessee 37174.

And, as always, if you have a prayer request or encouragement, you can hit the Hotline button in the app, which is the little red button at the top or you can dial 877-942-4253.

And that's it for today. I’m Brian I love you and I'll be waiting for you here tomorrow.

Community Prayer and Praise:

Hi, my name is Caitlin, and this is my first time sending something in but I just wanted to say that I came out of 2020, one of the hardest years of my life. I was…I had an unexpected pregnancy which was a blessing with our fourth child but then I fell into extremely severe postpartum depression and anxiety and just really felt no joy no hope and I was turned on to Daily Audio Bible and I started in January and I just want to lift up praise to our God who…He gives us this living word. And I've been following Christ for almost all of my life but listening to this every day just has renewed my…my faith and seeing Him work every day, this living word that He gives us, and I meditate on it day and night I just get to see Him moving and I train my eyes to find Him. And, yeah, He's just been he's just been working miracles in my mental health and…and getting back to my normal life and He's just such a good and faithful God. And, so, I just wanted to share that and to share that praise, that He won't abandon us, and He doesn't forget us, and He gives us this Bible to meditate on because…because it applies to us now and He loves us, and He wants us to know Him through it. So, yeah, that's just my praise.

Good morning DAB family this is John Allen from Orlando FL. I just want to pray for everyone who have called for the month of February. I have listened to everyone's prayer. My heart is touched that so many people need the Lord. Father God I've only got 2 minutes and I want to just praise You and honor You and glorify You lift You up. Father God I pray for every single soul that have called You for this month of February. I want to lift them up to You Lord, people with heart disease, mental disease, depression, who's lost family the gentleman that called in for his family Father God, that he's the only one seeking the Lord, Hallelujah Lord. Thank You, Jesus for Your grace Lord. Thank You, Father God because You are the Lord who speaks, and You live. God You are the God of Gods, You are the Lord of Lords, You are the God who stops the sun at noon day. Hallelujah. You are the God that parts oceans Father God to set Your…Your people free. Father God I pray for the DAB family right now, the ones that are not able to call that don't have access. Father God I lift them up to You Father God in Philippians 4:6 it says do not be anxious about anything but in everything in prayer and petition. We pray Father God for them to be healed. We pray that You set Your captives free Hallelujah. Your word in Matthew 11:28, it says come to me all who are weary, and burden and I will give You rest. Lord we need Your rest, we need Your peace. We surrender it to You and for all who are sick Father God. In Jeremiah 30:17 it says but I will restore You to health and heal Your wounds. Hallelujah Jesus. God let everybody who hears my voice receive Your praise, Your blessings, Your goodness Father God, the blessing that make it rich and not so no sorrow in Jesus name I pray. Amen. Thank You, Jesus.

Hi this is Gary from Stockton CA. I'm calling about a dear friend…dear friend his name is Randy he has pancreatic cancer, and he has just been put in the hospital for that along with blood clots and a heart problem. This man has been…and his family…have been missionaries for most of their lives and they have spent their lives giving to God. And now I'm asking for prayer for this man. I've recently experienced a death in my family when my wife passed away last September and something that God is showing me is that healing can come in many different ways including the person dying and be taken…being taken to God, that that was the best thing for the person and everything that was wrong. So, I pray that you pray and help me pray for the man and his family and that whatever they have to go through, whatever God chooses from them they will understand, and the Holy Spirit will give them comfort and understanding. Thank you to all who pray. In Jesus’ name. Amen.

Family this is Biola from Maryland I hope you're all doing well. Brian and Jill God bless you. God bless your ministry. Hey, while we are eagerly awaiting China's baby, I pray that God will continue to keep her and let her have a safe delivery in Jesus’ name. You know, I want to give a big shout out to one of the great great grandmas that we have in DAB, Dorothy G from Texas. Happy birthday mom and I want to say that your legacy is absolutely mind blowing. And I pray that God will continue to keep you and hold you strong in the name of Jesus, that God will continue to let your legacy be strong, that you will continue to be used mightily of Him, you know, even as you grow older. In the name of Jesus. God bless you Dorothy. And Missy I heard your prayer request regarding marshmallow your kitten. I pray that God will wrap His arms around you, God will just touch your heart. Know that guilt is not of God. It is…that is condemnation, and it is from the devil. So, I’m praying sister that God would just wrap His arms around you, He will comfort you and so that you can…as you grieve the passing of your kitten that God will touch you in Jesus’ name. Doctor John I heard your prayer request. I prayed for you that you are grateful to God for preserving your life and I pray that your hand, I think is what you said, will be healed completely in the name of Jesus. Brother White as Snow, what a testimony. Yeah, the word of God says that those who are led by God are the sons of God. So, those who are led by the Spirit are the sons of God. Lastly, I want to pray from Micah. Micah I'm praying that you get your workman’s comp it will come speedily in the name of Jesus. Family I want to put my own brother, my older brother, I have a prayer request. He had an accident and he’s going to be having surgery next week. Pray for him.

Hi this is Natasha A from Brooklyn I just finished listening to the Daily Audio Bible February 26th reading and I wanted to make a comment on Brian’s style and the way that he breaks it down, the way he breaks down the word in not only a biblical way but also in a geographical way explaining what went on in Philippi at that time and the importance of Jesus going there and how it relates to…to the word. It was really awesome. This ministry has been such a blessing to me. And Brian and I thank you for making God's word more clear to the ones of us that don't really understand it thoroughly. Your ministry has been a real blessing. May the Lord continue to bless you your family and the DAB continuously because what you're doing is so powerful and so needed, it's so necessary. And I…I just felt compelled to call in and say that. Thank you, Brian. Thank you for what you do, bringing the Lords word to us every day with such clarity and…and consistency and…and…and I am grateful for it. Thank you. Have a blessed day everyone.

Hello, my wonderful DAB family this is Sinner and Saint from Edmonton AB Canada. I've listened to DAB since January 1st of last year and this is my first call. My ailing and Christian dad turned 86 in October. Since then, he was hospitalized five times and we knew his life was coming to an end. I was able to travel to spend time with him at the hospital just before Christmas. We had some very special moments that I will cherish forever. I also saw his suffering when his pain medication wore off and before the next medication could kick in. He was transferred to a Hospice and we felt each day and even each hour that would…that would be his last. On December 31st I took a long walk in a place on that clear and sunny winter day and listened to the last DAB for the year. Brian read the end of Revelation and that described the new heaven and the crystal-clear River of life flowing from the throne of God and the trees of life and how wonderful it all was and then the last of the psalms with great praises to God for all He is. About 10 minutes after I got into the house, I got the phone call that dad had passed, and I realized it could have happened exactly as I was hearing about heaven. And one hour later my daughter who had been told the previous December 31st that she likely had lymphoma and who had chemo and radiation treatments that year got a call from her oncologist saying her most recent scan was completely clear. These events together have such a reminder that God makes all things work together for good for those who love the Lord and are called according to His purpose. Romans 8:28. Thank you DAB family. I love you.

[lynelovespopculture]

THE CHILLING ADVENTURES OF ZELDA: CHAPTER 7-HILDA’S WEDDING I personally dedicate this chapter to my good friend @missxzeldaspellman, who beautiful piece of art based on my final scene so made me up my game! If she enjoyed this part only half as much I love that drawing, all the hard work will be well worth it!!! 😘💖😘 PLEASE REMEMBER TO  COMMENT AND REBLOG!!!

 CHAPTER 7-HILDA’S WEDDING

“Oh, it’s going so well! Don’t you think it’s going well? I think it’s going well.”

 Zelda rolled her eyes. If she hadn’t seen the pagans defeated with her own 2 eyes, she would swear they were back and had this time turned Hilda into a hummingbird. Zelda drew in a breath before she said.

 “Yes, Hilda, it is going well. Granted, we just had cocktails and still have a whole dinner to get through so you please calm down, sister!”

 It was a Friday evening and the reason Hilda was so nervous and on edge was because some of her fiancée’s family, namely his two brothers and their wives had arrived in Greendale yesterday for Christmas and the upcoming wedding and tonight, they all came to dinner at the Spellman house. Although this whole dinner had been her own idea, Hilda had been a nervous wreck all day and apparently still was, as Zelda watched her sister run around the kitchen trying to put finishing touches on all the food while Zelda sat calmly at the island focusing on a single dish.

  “Okay, it looks like we’re ready to serve the 1st course.” Hilda smiled.

“Finally,” muttered Zelda “Let’s get this show on the road,” She slipped off the stool, picked up her tray of food and was about to leave the kitchen when

“Zelda!”  Hilda called out, a hint of annoyance in her voice.

Zelda turned back an eyebrow raised. “What?”

“You’re still smoking.”

The older sister glanced at her cigarette in its holder on her finger. “Yeah, so?”

“Mortals frown at smoking, especially during pregnancy and you are showing very much these days, sister.”

“But I’m not mortal.”

“I know you’re not-“ Hilda closed her eyes, let out a breath, and tried again.  “We’re not mortals, but as I’ll already explain it to you, 3 times today alone, Dr. C’s relatives are so will you please put that out? Hecate, Zelda! Why have you been so snippy today?”

Rather than answer her sister, Zelda stepped past her, laid the food tray on the island once again, and put out her cigarette in a nearby ashtray and placed the holder down before turning back to Hilda. “There. Better?”

Hilda shoved the forgotten food dish in her sister’s arms, “There, perfect.” Hilda grabbed her own dish and the 2 sisters journeyed into the dining room where Dr. C and the others were chatting. There were the 2 brothers, Sam and Mike and their wives, Rose and Sara. So far, the Cerberus family outnumbered the Spellmans which only consisted of the 2 sisters. Ambrose and Sabrina left while the getting was good, a part of  Zelda envied the children’s getaway and Faustus, well,  he said he would be there for the family dinner, but it didn’t exactly take a genius or a fortune teller to tell that this would be a hard day for Faustus, no matter what he did or where he went. Like the loving and supportive wife Zelda thought she could never be but somehow had become, she made plans, handed over her classes and made sure her other duties were taken care of so she could spend the whole day with Faustus. Yet when Zelda woke up this morning, her husband was already gone; not only from their bed or from their room but from the house. Zelda told herself not to worry. After all, if she was Faustus, she would need some alone time too, today of all days. When there was still no sign of him an hour after breakfast, Zelda decided to go to work after all. Work proved a good distraction so many times before and it did today, up to a point. It was about noon that the worry Zelda told herself not to content with, started to creep up in. Prudence casually saying that she hadn’t seen her father at all today. That didn’t help matters. Zelda placed several calls to the house throughout the afternoon.  Either Faustus wasn’t home or didn’t care to pick up the phone. After school, Prudence joined her in the church when they met up to pray for the twins’ safe return. There, in the stillness, Zelda studied her stepdaughter. 2 years ago, Zelda could barely tell who was who in the trio known as the weird sisters. Now it was overwhelming how much love and pride Zelda felt for the strong outgoing young woman that reminded Zelda so much of herself at her age.  As soon as she stepped out of the church a student approached with a message from Hilda, who wanted her home right away. Zelda returned home to see her sister whipping herself into a frenzy. Zelda could barely get a word in, let alone explain what day today was and that Faustus was MIA. Someone’s laugh bought Zelda back to reality.

“You 2 plan to be married on New Year’s Day and you’re going to do it outside, in the woods? Why?” asked 1 of the brothers who’s name escaped Zelda at the moment.

 “I told you, Sam,” Dr. C answered “Hilda and her family are of a different faith than ours. We want to have the wedding on neutral ground. Plus, the Greendale woods have their own natural beauty.”

“Plus, we plan to decorate, dress it up a bit more.” Added Hilda.

 “What about the reception?” Asked Mike, Dr. C’s other brother. “Do you get a hall or something?”

“No,” said Dr. C, “We’re going to have to have the reception right here.”

 Rose, Sam’s wife looked horrified. “Here?! But this is a funeral home.”

Zelda immediately felt insulted.  “Excuse me, this is our family home!”

“Yes, it is and we had lots of lovely parties here, you’ll see.” Hilda got up to clear the table before laying out the main course, and Dr. C got up to help her. Hilda was able to whisper into her sister’s ear. 

“Please Zelda, just calm down and behave!”

Zelda was about to answer her sister when she felt her baby kick within her. Instantly, Zelda forgot her sister, looked down, smiled, and placed a hand on top of her swollen middle.

 “So, how far along in your pregnancy?” Sara, Dr. C’s other sister-in-law asked Zelda, edger as Hilda was to change the subject.

“Oh, I’m 10-“ Zelda caught herself before she said months because a mortal pregnancy is 9 months rather than a witches’ 13. “I’m 10 days in my 8th month,” Zelda said.

 “Nice save,” Dr. C whispered as he grabbed Zelda’s plate. As Hilda and Dr. C went into the kitchen and Zelda found herself alone with 4 mortals. What came next was the same boring small talk Zelda had come to expect while dining with mortals. Yes, she and Hilda were truly sisters. No, no one was adopted or was a half-sibling. Zelda could’ve sworn she had this exact conversation with Diana’s family. Thank Hecate it wasn’t too long before Hilda emerged from the kitchen, bearing a wonderfully cooked turkey in her arms, Dr. C was right behind her, carrying side dishes.

They were in the middle of the main course when the front door opened and closed. Zelda only had to turn a little in her seat to see that her husband was finally home, Zelda couldn’t help but smile.

“Faustus!”

For some reason, Faustus was filthy, covered head to toe with mud and dirt. “I apologize, the time got away from me but I didn’t forget about dinner, I just need a moment to clean up.” With that, Faustus disappeared upstairs. However, it was 10 minutes before Faustus slid into the chair next to Zelda.

“I’m sorry I took so long. It takes me forever to do anything now that I don’t have magic-um, magic soap. I hate when they discontinue things.” Faustus laughed nervously.

 A confused Sam looked over to Dr. C. “I thought you said the brother was dead.”

Rose, his wife, gasped in shock. “Sam! You can’t just say things like that!” Rose scolded

“Sorry,” Sam muttered.

 Hilda smiled. “It okay! It’s true that Zelda and I have a brother who died 16 years ago. His name is Edward.”

 “That’s right,” Added Dr. C. “But this is Faustus” when his family still had no reaction, Dr. C tried again.  “Blackwood? Come on, guys, I told you about him. He saved me when the store was robbed.” Dr. C finally got the reaction he was waiting for.

 Mike pointed at Faustus and Zelda with his fork. “So, you 2 together?” 

Faustus gave a tender look at his wife before answering. “Yes, very much so,” He said while Zelda nodded.

“Oh? How did you guys meet?” asked Mike’s wife, Sara.

“We were 16. It was our first day at the academy,” replied Zelda.

 You’re high school sweethearts?”

 Zelda smiled. “You could say that.”

 Sam laughed.  “Well, who knows? With Robert and Hilda getting hitched, maybe wedding bells can ring a 2nd time.” 

 “Oh no, you misunderstand. Zelda and I already got married last year.” Faustus explained.

 “You can’t be all that serious about marriage, neither of you is wearing a ring,” muttered Sam.

The table fell silent. Apparently, there was no easy way to tell Hilda’s future mortal in-laws that those slivery wedding bands were painful reminders of their first few weeks of marriage. A time when Faustus and Zelda were both suffering under awful bewitchments. So together, not long after destroying the music box, they agreed to get rid of the rings and gave them to Ambrose to smite them. So far, there was no talk of replacing them.

 Dr. C was desperate to change the subject. “So, Mike, how are the kids?”

 “Pretty good,” Mike responded. “though Sara and I try not to think too hard about them getting down here once school lets out.  Can you imagine? Only 1 licensed driver, that small car and 4 kids?”

Inwardly, Zelda flinched. Did the mortal really have to pick right now to mention 4 children? It took a moment for Zelda to gather the courage to look beside her. When she did, it only confirmed what she already knew. That Faustus stiffened in his seat.

 “I’m really sorry. I thought I could do this but I just can’t. Sorry again, Dr. C, Hilda, please excuse me.” Faustus got up and left out the front door. With only an ‘I’m sorry’ glance at her sister, Zelda followed her husband out to the porch, pausing only to grab a jacket on the way out.

Hilda laughed nervously at her remaining guests. “Desert, anyone?”

 Outside in the cold night air, Faustus could feel hot tears forming in his eyes. “That mortal doesn’t know lucky he is! I would give anything to know where all my children are!” He muttered to himself. Faustus wasn’t aware of Zelda’s presence until he felt her putting his coat around his shoulders.

 He turned to her.  “I’m sorry I ran off like that.”

“Don’t be, it was a boring dinner party.”

 “I’m also sorry that I didn’t leave a note for you this morning. I was across town before I remembered.”

 “That’s alright.”

Faustus gave his wife a half-smile. “You’re being pretty understanding with me today. You remember, don’t you? You know what day today is.”

 “That it’s the twins’ birthday? Of course, I remembered!”

Faustus felt his wife shiver in the cold so he led Zelda to the bench, sat beside her, and put the coat over both of them. Then he put an arm around Zelda.

 “I knew that you would never forget the twins’ birthday! After all, apart from their DNA, they’re as much your children as they are mine.”

 Zelda looked at him. “Do you really feel that way, Faustus? Truly?”

“I do, truly.” Faustus smiled at the wife he so adored.

Rather than give in to tears, Zelda sighed and put her head on Faustus’s shoulder. Faustus kissed her brow while she said, “I can’t believe the twins are already 1.”

Faustus looked up sharply. “1? You keep on forgetting they were raised in that damn time loop. Zelda, it’s their 16th birthday and you know how important this day or rather, this night is to our people.”

“It’s their dark baptism,” Zelda whispered.

“Exactly and I can’t stand that the twins, our twins, are with him!  Especially tonight, the night of their dark baptism. I’m so afraid that damn curse will go ahead with his stupid plan!”

“What plan?”

“This curse seems to be an extreme version of me and sometimes I do think the old ways are best but he-it-takes it too far. You see, centuries ago, Blackwoods would wed brother to sister to keep bloodlines pure.”

 Zelda’s eyes widened as the true horror dawned on her. “Faustus, no!”

 “We can only pray to Hecate that something happens. Like the curse changes its mind, or perhaps the twins will object and refuse to go through with it.”

 Zelda didn’t know what to say in order to comfort him, so she just snuggled closer to her husband. For a few moments, they sat in comfortable silence. Then Zelda felt Faustus’s hand on her middle.

 “Say, what do you think we find a spell that will keep our child right where he or she is, safe and warm forever.”

Despite herself, Zelda laughed out loud. “Darling, when this baby is 16 and out of control, you have my permission to bring up this conversation but until then, my body can’t do any more than the 3 months remaining in this pregnancy.”

 Faustus smiled. “Just a thought.”

“So, what did you do all day?” Zelda asked casually.

 “Well, in an effort to locate the children I spent the whole morning trying to find my own ‘twin’. Then I spent a lot of the public library, researching.”

 “Researching? Researching what? I mean, what could possibly be of any use to you at the public library?”

 “Dearest, this is Greendale, the spell books are everywhere if you know where to look. I was researching a couple of things, mostly pagans.”

 Zelda was beyond confused. “Why are you reading about pagans?”

 Faustus got up and sighed. “I was unsuccessful in finding my middle children today but maybe I can still give my firstborn her sister back.”

 Zelda immediately understood what he was saying. “Agatha? Have you found a cure for her madness?”

 “No, not a cure exactly, not yet. More like a lead.”

 Zelda was entranced. “Go on.”

 “I found an old book about local pagans way down in the library archives. In the back of this book was a map for some sort of wooden puzzle box that according to legend can cure any witch of any insanity bought on by a pagan. I immediately knew that it was a map of the Greendale woods!”

 “Is that why you were so dirty when you came home?” Asked Zelda.

 “Exactly! I think I got carried away and left big holes in the woods. I just kept thinking about Prudence and how happy this would make her and I kept digging and digging until I lost the light. I didn’t find anything but if it’s out there I will find it.”

 Zelda said nothing but just smiled as she got up, put her arms around Faustus’s neck, and kissed him. “I love you and I’m so proud that you’ve come so far in so short of time.”

 The husband and wife kissed again but the moment was interpreted by Dr. C and his family who came out the door.

 “We’re going now,” Dr. C told them as the brothers and their wives went to the car. “Zelda, can I have word with you please?”

 “Sure”

They walked a few steps before Dr. C explained. “I need a favor from you. You see, I need your help to plan a surprise for Hilda.”

  Meanwhile, Faustus went inside and turned into the kitchen where Hilda was wrapping up food.

 “I’m sorry I ran off during dinner like that.”

 “Don’t worry about it.”

Faustus smiled. “I wanted to talk to you, Hilda. I need a favor from you. You see, I need your help to plan a surprise for Zelda."

  “What are you looking at, dearest?”

 Zelda was sitting up in bed when she saw Faustus coming to take his place in bed beside her. “Oh, nothing,” Zelda dismissed, “It’s just a picture of me and Letitia, er, I mean Judith that Sabrina took last Yule.”

 Faustus shook his head. “I think you were right the 1st time. I think her true name is and always will be Letitia.  I mean, you’ve been her mother since the very beginning.”

“That’s just a nice way to say that I stole your daughter.”

 Faustus laughed. “I preferred to think of it of saving her from the curse without even realizing it. By the way, where did you get that photo?”

 “Oh, I always keep this in my nightstand.”

 Faustus’s smile only grew wider. “Really? Then great minds think alike.” Faustus turned and got something out of his own nightstand and then placed another photo in Zelda’s hands. “I believe that this picture of you and Judas was taken after we got engaged.”

Smiling, Zelda nodded. “I remember.” Zelda then took one photo each in 1 hand and moved her knees to lay both pictures down side by side on the bed. “You know, it’s just too tempting” Zelda touched both photos, spelling them into 1. Now, it looked like Zelda held both babes in a single pic. “But that’s too easy,” Zelda frowned as she turned 1 back into 2 again. “We need to be realistic about this.”  Zelda offered her hand and Faustus took it in his.  Zelda closed her eyes and started to pray. “We pray to our dark mother, Hecate, and to Hera, the mother of all mothers, to watch over these babes, our children until they’re safely back in our arms.” After the photos were laid aside, and she laid in Faustus’s arms in the dark when she said, “They’re going to come home, Faustus, I know it. Soon, this house will be packed with children.”

 If Zelda needed a distraction to keep her mind off the twins, there were a lot of distractions for her to choose from. On top of preparing for Hilda’s wedding, the Yule season was fast approaching so Zelda was needed everywhere. At the school, at church, and at home. On top of all her duties, Zelda still managed to work on Hilda’s surprise, even if she had to depend on Sabrina and Ambrose to teach her the technology. The very busy high priestess even found time to steal away for an afternoon to go up to the mountains to visit Gryla. Over a brand new never been opened bottle of gin, Zelda explained the insanity curse and Gryla said she would keep an eye out for the twins.

 Before Zelda even knew it, it was December 23, the start of the winter solstice, the shortest day and the longest night. It was also when the Spellmans gathered together to exchange gifts. Sabrina gave Zelda ‘the book of Hecate’. It was so infamously banned by the dark lord that Zelda was shocked that it was in her hands. She tried to keep her reaction reasonable, for Sabrina’s sake. Zelda gave her husband a silver pocket watch. Faustus gave his wife a golden charm bracelet with one 1 tiny charm on it in the shape of a baby carriage.

 “Open it,” Faustus suggested excitedly.

 Zelda did so and on the left side of the tiny charm/locket was a picture Zelda had never seen before. It was of Prudence and both twins as infants. “Faustus, it’s beautiful. But when was it taken? You don’t have the magic to spell pictures and Prudence had such a short time with Letitia and Judas when they were babies.”

 Faustus laughed. “I can’t get anything past you can’t I, Zelda? It’s true no one posed for this picture and no, I didn’t spell it. Instead, Ambrose taught me some new kind of magic on the computer. He called it photoshop. Anyway, I put the children all on the left side and the right side empty so we could put a picture of the baby in it once he or she is born. That way” 

“I will have all my children all in 1 charm.” Zelda nodded while finishing her husband’s thought.

“And I promise to give you another charm every year until that bracelet is full.”

Zelda smiled. “I love it and I love you,” she smiled and kissed him.

 After a relaxing solstice, Zelda went back to her busy schedule.  The Academy was still in the semi-holiday mode so Zelda focused on helping Hilda, whose wedding was less than a week away. On December 30th, Dr. C closed the bookstore so he and Hilda could host a unisex bridal shower. They had party favors, unwrapping of gifts, and something called a cake pulling.  A cake pulling is where there are little blue ribbons and all the guests pick a ribbon and pull out a charm that had been baked into the cake. The charm you pulled predicts the future. The next day, New Year’s Eve, was spent in the woods. Setting up for the wedding the next day. A white runner was tapped down to mark the aisle, fold-out chairs were arranged. The 2 trees that Dr. C and Hilda were going to be married under was all decked out with pink streamers were wrapped around the trunks and fairy lights in the branches. Zelda found the streamers a little tacky, but since it was Hilda’s wedding tomorrow, she held her tongue.

  “Well, do you ladies need or want anything else before Ambrose and I head out?” Faustus asked as he was dropping off a bottle of champagne in Hilda and Zelda’s old room. It was New Year’s Eve but even more importantly, it was the night before Hilda’s wedding. Dr. C was hosting a little boys’ night at the bookstore. Now that a bride didn’t have to wait for the dark lord on her wedding eve, Hilda took Sabrina up on her suggestion for all girls’ movie night. Sabrina was downstairs right now, making popcorn.

“Actually, Father, um, Faustus, I’ve been meaning to talk to you all week, but I’ve been so busy,” Hilda explained. “Anyway, I wanted to ask you if you will do me the honor of giving me away?

Faustus’s eyes widened. “Me? You want me to walk you down the aisle?”

 “Well, my father and Edward are dead. You are the most senior male member of this family now. Of course, if you rather not, I’m sure Ambrose”

 “No, no I’d love too,” Faustus smiled. “Do you really consider me part of the family? Now I feel bad about the shower.”

Hilda frowned. “What about the shower?”

Faustus reddened. “Nothing, it’s silly. It’s the cake pulling. I was grumpy because I got the heart charm. According to the meaning list you gave us, the heart means I’ll meet and fall in love with someone new.”

Hilda smiled and shook her head. “But the heart token has a double meaning. If you’re single, it means you’ll meet someone new. If you have a partner and you have the heart, it means that your partner is your true love.

“I don’t care if you made that up or not, I’ll take it!” Faustus kissed Zelda goodbye and left.

 “I’m not making anything up!” Hilda called out after him.  “Gosh, the cake pulling was a big hit with Dr. C’s family. What did you think of it, Zelda?”

 Zelda looked up from where she was giving the dresses a once over with a lint brush. “Oh, I don’t believe that a cake can predict the future.”

“That’s just Zelda-speak for I didn’t like my token either!”

Zelda sighed. “Okay, you got me. I got the engagement ring which means that I’m the next to be married but that’s impossible because I’m already married, the last 2 months, quite happily.”

  Hilda frowned. “Well, maybe Sabrina liked her token.” Then Hilda saw her sister smirk. “What? What token did Sabrina get?”

 Zelda bit her lip as if to keep from laughing. “The thimble.”

 Hilda’s jaw dropped. “No!” Both sisters knew exactly what the thimble meant. “The old maid!” The sisters laughed together.

 They were still laughing when Sabrina came in with the popcorn and the all-girls movie night began for Hilda, Zelda, and Sabrina. They had invited Prudence to join them but it was her night to do bed check at the Academy. So, the line-up tonight was films like Beaches, Pretty Woman, and 27 Dresses. These were girlish dramas and romcoms that Hilda and Sabrina loved. Zelda didn’t but once again she held her tongue. It didn’t even matter because Zelda fell asleep half-way through the 1st movie.

“Should we wake her up?” Asked Sabrina.

Hilda shook her head. “No.  Let her sleep. I think this is the 1st time your poor aunt Zelda had been asleep before 10 in over a month.” So, they put a quick silence spell around Zelda and returned to the movie.

 Hilda didn’t like the idea of getting married in white or black.  So, she looked around until she found a material she liked in soft peach. Hilda sewed herself a wonderful looking peach wedding dress of cotton and a little lace. She also had heels, a straw hat, and a short fur coat, all dyed to match and they were all Yule gifts from Zelda. Zelda, the maid of dishonor and the bridesmaid, Sabrina, were both dressed in royal purple. The dresses, which Hilda also made herself, was slim and form-fitting, except Zelda, had a built-in elastic waist to support her baby bump.  Hilda and Dr. C chose to have a night ceremony, which served them well, as the fairy lights and dozen of candles used looked wonderful against the glimmering snow. The precession began; Sabrina went first, followed by Zelda, and then Hilda took the arm that a smiling Faustus offered her.

“You look wonderful,” Faustus said to Hilda they began their walk together.

 Dr. C winked at his bride as she came closer to him. Faustus and Dr. C nodded to each other as Faustus handed over the bride. Side by side, Dr. C and Hilda smiled adorably at each other. Still, something was missing.

“Where is the justice of the peace?” Hilda whispered to her groom.

Dr. C smiled, “I canceled him so that I could do this,” Dr. C turned to address the crowd.  “Hello, friends and family. Hilda and I would like to welcome all of you to our wedding! But before we get started, I have a surprise for my bride. As most of you know, Hilda and I are from different faiths.  What most of you don’t know, not even Hilda is that we have 2 ministers of each faith in our own families. Per my request, they’ve been working together via skype on a joint ceremony to marry Hilda and me here tonight. Please welcome my cousin, Brian, and Hilda’s sister, Zelda.”

 As the crowd clapped, Zelda drew a nervous breath, handed Hilda’s bouquet of daisies to Sabrina, and then took her place beside Brian.

 “Okay, this is my 1st joint wedding, so bear with me.” Explained Brian.

 The crowd laughed.

 “This is my 1st wedding ever, so bear with me too.” Explained Zelda.

 The crowd laughed even harder.

 Brian then got serious.  “Dearly beloved, we are gathered here to bear witness and celebrate the marriage of Robert and Hilda. Marriage will always be a symbol of God’s perfect love for his people but in these modern times, with marriages become more and more unsuccessful or sometimes skipped altogether, why do people still marry? People marry because it’s the strongest way to say to your partner and the world that ‘I choose this person before anyone else in the world.’ When 2 people enter into wedlock, it’s a true union of mind to mind, heart, to heart and soul to soul.”

 As Brian delivered his address, Faustus and Zelda kept stealing glances at each other. He winked at her and she smiled deeply at him, blushing. Then, it was Zelda’s turn to speak.

 “For millions and millions of years, the goddess Hecate has presented herself as the 3 in 1. Those 3 are the maiden, the mother, and the crone. Yet before she could become a mother, she became a wife when she wedded the god Aeete and bore his children. To honor their union, we have been marrying in Hecate’s name ever since.”

 “Do you, Hildegard Antionette Spellman, take this man, Robert David Cerberus, to be your legally wedded husband? Do you promise to love him, honor him and comfort him, for better or worse, in sickness or health, for richer or poorer and will you keep yourself only on to him until death do you part?” Asked Brian.

Hilda looked at Dr. C and smiled. “I do.”

  “Do you, Robert David Cerberus, take this woman, Hildegard Antionette Spellman, to be your legally wedded wife? Do you promise to love her, honor her and comfort her, for better or worse, in sickness or health, for richer or poorer and will you keep yourself only on to her until death do you part? And do you promise to take her to visit her family at least once a week?” Asked Zelda. There was a silent pause before Zelda confirmed “I know what I said.”

 The crowd roared with laughter and when it died down, Dr. C was still smiling. “I do.

Brian walked over to Dr. C’s best man and took a ring from him. “The wedding ring is perfect for marriage because a ring, like love itself, has no beginning and no end. Robert, you may place this ring on Hilda’s finger and say ‘With this ring, I thee wed.’”

Dr. C placed the ring on Hilda’s finger. “With this ring, I thee wed.”

 Sabrina passed the ring on to Zelda. “We believe that the ring is a circle to match a full moon, which is a phase of every wit- woman’s life.  Hilda, you may place this ring on Robert’s finger and say ‘With this ring, I thee wed.’”

Hilda smiled and did so. “With this ring, I thee wed.”

“By the exchanging of vows and the giving and receiving of rings, we now pronounce you husband and wife.” Declared Brian. “Robert, you may kiss your bride.”

Hilda gave a happy giggle as Dr. C kissed her.

 “Ladies and Gentlemen, it’s my honor and pleasure to present to you Mr.  & Mrs. Robert & Hilda Cerberus!” Announced Zelda.

 Everyone left the woods and returned to the house for a very successful reception.  Despite earlier misgivings, Ambrose made a wonderful DJ. Everyone agreed it was so them when the bride and groom chose ‘the Monster Mash’ for their 1st dance. Everyone loved the wedding cake that Hilda make herself and Sabrina caught the bouquet.

 After Hilda and Dr. C left for their 2 weeks honeymoon in Hollywood, life got back to normal for the rest of the family. For Faustus, that meant looking after the bookshop, per Dr. C’s request, and digging in the woods. It had been nearly 3 weeks since Faustus had found the map of the wooden puzzle box that may hold the cure to Agatha’s madness. Faustus had been digging nearly day. Even when he was helping set up for the wedding, he was eyeing his next digging site. One afternoon, Faustus was worried he was running out of places to dig when his shovel hit something hard. He knelt, dug with his fingers. Faustus smiled and laughed when he realized he was holding the very puzzle box he was seeking.  He ran all the way home and up to his room when he studied a photocopy of the spell.

“Yes! Yes, this should work!”

Faustus looked up when the brick broke the window.

  Ambrose and Sabrina ran down the hall as fast as they could and burst into Zelda’s office.

“Aunt Z! Aunt Z! You have to come with us!” cried Sabrina.

 “I don’t know what happened! They just stormed into the house and took him!” Ambrose was trembling.

Zelda held up her hands. “Children, calm down. Now, who took who?”

  They led Zelda to the tree where they hung the Greendale 13. Only today, there was only 1 noose for 1 witch.

Zelda felt her heart leaped into her throat as she saw who the angry coven was getting ready to hang. “Faustus!” Zelda heard sniffing so she looked up and saw her stepdaughter. Zelda ran to her. “Prudence! Prudence, what is happening?”

 Prudence, arms crossed and her cheeks stained with tears, shook her head. “I don’t know, Sister Zelda. Dorcas and I were just talking a walk when we saw the adults of our coven leading my father, who had his hands bound behind his back, here, shouting and yelling that they were going to kill him. I tried to talk to some of them but no one will listen to me.”

 “Stay with her,” Zelda told Sabrina and Ambrose before disappearing into the crowd. As Zelda fought to get to the tree, Faustus was led out, forced to stand still on a barrel as they put the noose around his neck. Zelda got to the tree trunk then. “Faustus, darling, what is happening?”

 He looked down at her and smiled. “Zelda, my dearest, and only love. I’m so glad I got to see you 1 final time.”

  “Don’t speak that way! I’m sure we can sort this out.”  Zelda was about to say more but someone grabbed her arm and whirled her around. Now Zelda was looking at 1 of the teachers in her employ. “Brother Lovecraft?”

“Well, if it isn’t the traitor, Zelda Spellman!” He spat at her.

 “I’m not a traitor” Zelda snapped.

 “You’re a traitor and a lair! You claimed the titles of high priestess and headmistress for yourself and then you gave shelter to the villain who tried to kill us all.”

 Zelda shook her head. “He’s not a villain!”

 Lovecraft gave a short laughed. “You referred to him as one many times.”

 “That was before. I was misinformed. I can explain-“

 “Explain what? That you lied to the whole coven when you told them you fully intended to be a single mother or that you faked your relationship with Mambo Marie?”

 “I faked nothing!”

 “Enough!” Lovecraft turned back to Faustus. “Faustus Blackwood, any last words before you die?”

 “Forgive me,” Faustus whispered.

 “Like that’s ever going to happen.” Lovecraft sneered before he kicked the barrel out from under Faustus’s feet.

 “NOO!” Faustus heard Zelda scream before everything black.

 The next thing Faustus knew, he was underwater. How did I get here? He wondered. Did they hang me and then tossed my body in the river? Am I dead? It was then that Faustus heard a low moaning.  Faustus looked beside him and saw a woman he knew but had not seen in years, Prudence’s mother.

 “Madeline?”

The back of her head looked perfectly normal but when she turned, her rotting skin was peeling off her face and the eyes were missing from their sockets. Before he even knew what was happening, Faustus was swimming for the surface.  When he got there, someone was waiting for him.

 “Father?!”

“Hello, boy,” Liam sneered. “Not dead yet? Here, let me help” Liam reached out to reach his son’s head pushed him underwater, and held him there.

 “No!” Faustus struggled and somehow grabbed on to his father’s wrist. Just then, Faustus sat bolt upright in bed, breathing heavily and realized that he had Zelda’s wrist, who held a damp washcloth, in a death grip. He blinked. “Zelda?”

 “Oh, Faustus, you’re finally up! Darling, I was so worried!” She hugged him tightly. 

“Was-was it all a dream?”

 Zelda frowned and shook her head sadly. “No, my darling. Unfortunately, the hanging was very real.”

“Then how am I alive and back here?”

“It was a team effort,” Zelda explained, “Ambrose made the rope disappear and he transported you back here where he and Sabrina sealed down the house while Prudence helped me seal the coven in the church until cooler heads prevailed and we reached a deal.”

“A deal? What deal?”

 “You know, I think this washcloth needs more water.  You rest here, you’ve been out of it for 2 days.”

 Zelda quickly left the room and Faustus did lay back until the puzzle box and the spell caught his eye.  Agatha’s cure! He got up, grabbed the puzzle box and the spell, and ran downstairs. On the 1st floor, he rushed past by Ambrose, Sabrina, and Zelda.

 “Faustus, don’t!” called Zelda.

“I got to go do this.” Faustus continued to run, opened the door but could not cross the threshold. He tried over and over again but he couldn’t do it. “What’s going on?”

 “You didn’t tell him?”  Ambrose asked Zelda.

“Not yet” Zelda muttered.  “I’m sorry darling, but the coven voted to put you under extreme house arrest, you’re not even allowed to leave the house.”

Faustus said nothing, he just turned and went into the kitchen. He grabbed a pen and hurryingly wrote down instructions on the back of the page of the spell. Then he rushed back to the trio. “Go to the Academy, find Prudence then go to Agatha’s cell and perform this spell exactly the way I’ve written it. I believe that this will cure Agatha’s insanity.” Faustus watched Ambrose and Sabrina scatter out the door but he was puzzled when Zelda didn’t move. “Aren’t you going with them, dearest?”

“No, I trust them. They will do well.”

 “It almost sounds like you’re under house arrest too.” Faustus was joking but 1 look at his wife’s somber face and he knew the truth. “Oh Zelda, you didn’t.”

“I had no other choice, Faustus. The only way I could get the coven to allow you to live, was to  agree to step down as the coven’s high priestess and the academy’s headmistress and if I shared your punishment of house arrest.”

“That’s absurd! Why should you be punished even more than I was? You did nothing.”

“Neither did you! I tried to tell them about the curse but no one would listen. I don’t care what I have to give up, as long as I have yo

Faustus stepped forward, took Zelda’s hands in his, and kissed her. “I love you.”

“I love you too.” They kissed again and just as Faustus was gathering Zelda into his arms, a fury of knocking came from the front door. Zelda went to the front hall and she barely turned the knob when a group of boys barged in, ignored her, and went straight to the living room where Faustus was.

“Father Blackwood, we knew you would come back to us, what are our orders? Should we burn down the school? Or kill that heretic that now called himself father, Lovecraft?”

 Faustus looked at them in shocked horror.  These were his boys, his Judas society. Some were once very fine, decent young men, they now were bitter, angry and murderous and it was all his fault. All his fault! Faustus felt his heart sink like a stone.

 “You’ll be happy to know, sir, that we kept your manifesto, the 5 facets of Judas, safe for you.”

 “Wait a minute,” Zelda said, coming forward. “When we reopened the school, I ordered every copy of that to be destroyed.”

 The head boy laughed. “Right, us listening to you over Father Blackwood is as laughable as you calling yourself a high priestess.”

“Shut up!” Faustus finally spoke as he grabbed the manifesto. “I had hoped to never see this again. I’m ashamed of every word of this. Every letter! This is complete and utter shit!” Faustus threw it into the fireplace and enjoyed watching it burn.

 The head boy was puzzled. “What happened to you? You’re not our leader anymore.”  Then he turned his eyes to Zelda. “You!” he hissed. “What did you do to him? You did something to him, I know it!”

 The head boy tried to advance on Zelda but Faustus quickly stepped in between them. “Hey! You want a leader, fine.  Here’s my final order.  From this day on, from this moment the Judas Society is disbanded!”

The head boy shrugged. “Fine by us. The way you’re acting now no self-respecting warlock would ever follow you.”

 “I would.”

The entire room turned to see Ambrose in the door, smiling. “It’s funny. I was so unsure about following Father Blackwood last year, you know, about the time when you all swore your lives to him and now, you guys are writing him off, I would follow him anywhere. He saved Agatha from her insanity tonight for no other reason than it was the right thing to do.”

For a moment, Faustus forgot all about the Judas boys and focused only on Ambrose. “The spell? Did it work?”

“To borrow a mortal phrase, like a charm.”

“So what?” Said the head boy. “Agatha is only a witch, witches don’t matter. You taught us that.”

 “Then I taught you wrong,” Faustus muttered

“No, you didn’t, the curse did.” Ambrose corrected and stood up to the head boy. “This man is the better choice. Not only would I follow him, but I’m also proud to call him my uncle!”

“You’re only saying all this because you’re banging his daughter!”

“That’s it!” Faustus snapped. “You boys are leaving right now! Now, will you be going on your own according or do I have to throw you out?”

 “Oh please, allow me.” Faustus watched Ambrose escort the boys out. Zelda saw that he was upset so she took his arm and kissed his cheek.

 Soon after, Sabrina came home and brought all 3 of the Weird Sisters with her. It was so good to see Prudence, Dorcas, and Agatha, all together and all safe and whole.

  “Sabrina? I thought you were going out with Roz tonight?”  It was 2 days later and Ambrose was just walking by Sabrina’s room and saw his cousin lying across her bed.

 “Yeah, but I don’t feel like going out tonight.”

Ambrose smiled and sat on the bed beside Sabrina. “Oh, you don’t have to pretend with me, cuz. You feel guilty of going out because Father Blackwood and Aunt Z are under house arrest. Am I right?”

“Well, yeah, of course. Aren’t you?”

“You mean because the very man who helped me get off house arrest got it worse than me and he didn’t even commit a crime? Yes, I feel bad but what can we do about it?”

Sabrina sighed. “I don’t know. Aunt Zelda is so afraid the coven will kill Father Blackwood, she won’t even talk about how unfair this is.”

 “Excuse me, guys,” Faustus stood in the doorway, holding a laundry basket. “Sabrina, here are your clothes. Oh, I’m sorry I brunt dinner tonight. I guess your Aunt Hilda will have to give me some more cooking lessons when she gets back.”

 Sabrina smiled. “Thanks Mr. Blackwood.”

 “It’s really sweet how he barely lets Aunt Z lift a finger the more pregnant she gets. Now with Aunt Hilda out of the house, he’ll pick up even more of the slack. Too bad the coven can’t see him the way he is now.”

 “That’s it!  Ambrose, you’re a genius!”

 “What? What did I say?”

 For the rest of the week, Sabrina secretly took pictures of Faustus doing housework, or as the curse would have called it, ‘women work’. It was Sabrina’s hope that if Sabrina showed these pictures to Brother Lovecraft, who had overnight become the head of school, and if she could convince him that Father Blackwood had changed and then explain about the curse. Then Brother Lovecraft hopefully would go to the coven. By Monday, Sabrina had enough evidence and was waiting outside the main office when she heard a voice.

 “Hello, muffin.”

“Aunt Hilda? When did you get back?”

 “Just this morning. Ambrose was waiting for Dr. C and me at the bookstore when we pulled up. He explained all that happened and I thought I would come down and help you, be a 2nd witness.”

“Good idea! Hmm? Did you hear that?

“What? Sabrina?”

“I thought I heard Father Blackwood’s voice but he’s stuck at home.”

Hilda grabbed Sabrina’s hand and together they snuck up to the office door that was slightly ajar.

 Inside, Lovecraft was pouring 2 drinks. “There’s 1 thing I still don’t understand. Why didn’t you let us hang Faustus? He could have been dead right then.”

 “I want that pathetic weakling alive. Alive and close when I kill his beloved Zelda Spellman.”

“It’s Blackwood, the curse,” Sabrina mouthed to Hilda.

“Besides, we both got what we wanted. You’re now the head of the coven and with the strong sister housebound and the ditzy one living uptown, I can kill those damn Spellmans 1 by 1 any time I want.”

“Sabrina, do you have your camera with you?” Hilda whispered. When her niece nodded, Hilda continued. “Get ready to take a picture and make sure the flash is on. Ready, on 3.”

Hilda counted to 3 and then threw open the door as Sabrina took a photo. The 2 men were both dazed by the flash and Hilda worked fast, grabbed both men, and transport them all to the Spellman’s kitchen.

Zelda was at the table and when she saw the others, she stood up. “What on earth?”

 “Aunt Z, it was all a setup. Blackwood and Lovecraft have been working together the whole time. Lovecraft wanted to be the head of the coven and Blackwood to control where we go so, he can kill us more easily. It was probably Blackwood who told the coven that Faustus was even here.”

 Before a shocked Zelda could say anything, Faustus came into the room and saw Blackwood. “You!”  Faustus hissed and charged for him. “Where are my children? Where are the twins, you bastard!”

 “Don’t hurt him, at least not yet. Just hold him there.” Hilda took Sabrina’s camera and took a picture of the two. “There!  This will be useful when I tell the coven about the curse.”

 “You’re going to talk to the coven, auntie?”

Hilda nodded. “I’m going to call a coven meeting first thing in the morning.”

 That was exactly what Hilda did. She went armed with every piece of information the Spellmans had. This included the page that Zelda ripped from Lucifer’s book, the one detailing Edward’s deal with the dark lord and the details of the curse itself. The recording Ambrose had made of Zelda confronting Edward about the curse, the spell that saved Agatha, and that had  Faustus’s handwritten instructions proving his involvement and of course, the pictures. There was a lot of ground to cover so the meeting took most of the day. Meanwhile, Zelda and Faustus could do nothing but wait on pins and needles at home. They were in the living room when Zelda brought up what had been on her mind all day.

“You know what I don’t understand is why would Brother Lovecraft team up with the curse against us?”

 Faustus lowered his eyes. “I may know why. Last year, before we were married and we were just being professional, I discovered that Lovecraft had a thing for you. I caught him stalking your classroom once or twice and I told him, not so nicely, to back off.”

“I never knew about any of this.”

 “I know, I think that made Lovecraft even angrier.” Faustus looked out the window and froze.  “Dearest, the entire coven is outside and headed this way.”

 “They must have reached a decision.” Zelda put her cigarette out and stood up. Faustus caught up with her in the hall, grabbed her hands, and kissed her deeply.

 Zelda no matter what the coven says or does, just know that I love you and that you are everything to me.”

Zelda smiled. “Same.”

“Zelda Spellman and Faustus Blackwood!” Came a booming voice. “Please come out on to the porch.”

 For the 1st time in over a week, nothing stopped Zelda or Faustus from going out the front door. As they faced the coven, Zelda slid her hand into Faustus’s.

“Faustus, Zelda, the coven has reviewed your cave and have come to personally welcome you back into the coven.”

Faustus shook his head. “I can’t. I’m sorry. I am very grateful for your understanding and mentally, I know that the curse’s actions are not my actions but just the thought of entering the school or church makes me anxious.”

 Hilda, who was with the crowd, spoke up. “They already agreed to put Zelda back as high priestess so it’s basically her choice.”

 “In that case,” Zelda declared, “It shall be an open invitation. Brother Faustus may attend mass. He may even return to teaching if he so wishes but only when he is ready.”

 The very next night, Faustus was turning down his bed when a sighing Zelda entered with her medical bag. “So, how was Lilith tonight?”

“Cranky,” Zelda answered shortly. Lucifer too. Don’t ask me why I didn’t care enough to pay attention. I just did my job and came home. What?” Zelda asked when she saw her husband’s frown.

 “The school called about an hour ago. At supper, they checked the cell. They found Lovecraft dead and the curse…was nowhere to be found.”

 “It got away again? This is the 2nd time!” Zelda sighed. “I was hoping that he would tell us where the twins were and we could live a quiet life for a while.”

 In a way, Zelda got her wish. True, they didn’t have the twins, but the rest of January, as well as all of February, was uneventful. After dinner on Feb. 28th, Zelda took a bath, but when she came out of the bathroom, she found herself alone in the house. When Zelda got to her room, she gasped. No one else was there at that moment but someone had put candles upon candles all around the place as well as a few wrapped gifts on the bed. Right in the middle where it was unable to miss lay a sealed envelope with her name on it. Smiling, Zelda picked up the envelope, unsealed it, and began to read.

My Dearest Zelda, the letter began;

It has been downright impossible not to be swept up in ‘wedding fever’ that has surged through this house lately (well, before that terrible week) and it got me thinking. Yes, Hilda’s wedding was lovely and I’m truly happy for your sister and Dr. C but what about you? Every woman should get a day that they will never forget. Granted, our wedding day was memorable but for all the wrong reasons. Ever since Hilda and Dr. C got back from their honeymoon, the whole family had aided me in this little side project. That’s right, this time your family not only approves of me, they helped! How? Open the packages on the bed and it will all become clear.

Then if you want to marry me again (no pressure!) Meet me in the woods by the stone altar.

I love you,

Faustus

After putting the letter down, Zelda eyed a garment bag with the tag SOMETHING BLUE on it. Zelda unzipped the bag and beheld a beautiful airy blue gown with a diamond belt and a note. The note said I really hope you like your new dress! Don’t worry, dear sister, with my alterations it should fit like a glove. -HILDA

SOMETHING OLD was written on the top of a small golden box. Inside, another note.  Great-grandmother Spellman’s diamond clips. They’ll look lovely on you. -AMBROSE Under the note, Zelda found the earrings.

SOMETHING NEW was the top of a note sitting next to a velvet ring box. The rest of the note said 2 new white gold eternity wedding bands, Father insisted. Yours is the one with all the diamonds. -PRUDENCE

The SOMETHING BORROWED note rested on a pair of shoes. My very best white dress flats. Auntie, don’t even think of wearing heels in your 12th month! -SABRINA

Wiping away happy tears, Zelda got ready. When she stepped out of the house, Dr. C was there to drive into the wood. When they got there, Zelda could see fairy lights in the trees and a white runner to mark the aisle, like Hilda’s wedding. The family was all gathered around the stone altar. Each dressed in their best, complete with a beaming Faustus in his best suit. Dr. C escorted Zelda down the aisle. After handing her purple primroses to Hilda, Zelda turned and held hands with the man she now knew she belonged with forever. 

“The bride and groom will now say their own vows.” Said Hilda.

Zelda laughed. “No, we won’t. Until 5 minutes ago, I didn’t know I was a bride.”

“Please, then, let me,” Faustus smiled. “September 19, 1826, was my 1st day at the Academy of Unseen Arts. It was during the morning assembly while the headmaster was taking attendance, that I looked across the hall and saw her. The redheaded girl, who that day had her hair in curls and wore a green dress. It is 2 centuries later and the fates have tried to keep us apart more times than I can count but there is 1 thing that hasn’t changed, that will never change, how desperately, hopelessly in love I am with the redhead girl and how she grew into an amazingly strong and intelligent woman that I have the honor to call my wife.”

 “Oh, Faustus!”

He took the diamond ring and slid it on Zelda’s finger. “I love you, Zelda and just being near you makes me want to be a better man.”

Zelda smiled and placed the matching ring on her husband’s hand. “The insanity curse got the best of you because I lost faith in who you are. I promise never to lose that faith again because I love you Faustus, so much. I also promise to be the best wife and mother I can be.”

“It’s time for the signing.” Dr. C said.

Zelda was confused. Signing a marriage license at a vow renewal? When she saw the papers on the stone altar, she was even more confused. “A legal name change?”

“I know the family calls the curse Blackwood when I’m not around and if the name Blackwood only brings up the curse or my father, then why am I holding on it? I want to take your name Zelda,” Faustus smiled. “I want to be a Spellman.”

“We’ve talked about it a lot, Aunt Z,” Sabrina told her “and we think he’s ready. It was just so sweet how he asked Hilda to set up a secret family meeting so he could ask our permission.”

“What about you, Prudence?” Zelda wanted to know. “Are you comfortable with being the only Blackwood in Greendale?”

“I’m going back to the surname, Night, like my sisters”

“But you’re still my beloved daughter” Faustus added quickly.

“Trust us, Zelds, we thought this through from every single angle. We’ve been working on this since before Solstice. The final papers just came in this morning.” Said Hilda

Faustus nodded. “That’s right. All I need now to be a Spellman, is a witness’s final signature.” He smiled and offered her a pen.

She took it and signed it. Then the family clapped.

“Ladies and gentlemen, for the 1st time, Zelda and Faustus Spellman!” Dr. C announced.

Faustus and Zelda kissed and were half-way down the aisle when Zelda doubled over. “I think the baby is coming!”

[meetevieinthehallway]

and i can’t give that to you.

in which harry suffers from seasonal depression and she doesn’t know how to help.

-

there’s a thrum of guitar strings.

she hears it— and sighs.

she isn’t sure if she should breathe happily or sadly; there’s various possibilities of what she would find if she followed the sound until she unveiled the outcome.

she shivers because the gentle pluck of guitar strings is beautiful—he always plays so beautifully—but it’s a low toned, melancholic song and she’s torn between some unknown battle of duality.

she closes the door behind her body with her foot, the grocery bags in her hands making her arms begin to burn as she waddles to the kitchen. she sets them down and sighs, trying to ignore the guitar but she can’t and she shouldn’t.

his love huffs.

she blows air from out between her lips and her head drops to her chest. she turns, looking over her shoulder at the stairway— the music is coming from the top of it, their bedroom.

he hasn’t moved since i left, has he?

a glimpse at the clock confirms the three hours that have passed since she left, and her heart throbs at the possibility that he hasn’t shifted from his spot in their bedroom.

she kicks her shoes off and away and she’s mulling in her head some kind of speech but it helplessly dissipates as she walks up the stairs.

“haz?”

the plucking doesn’t cease and she isn’t sure if she wants it to anyways.

hesitancy.

always, always hesitancy when it comes to times like these.

moments like these are unsure and tentative for her; she can never know if she’s making the right choice because he turns so stoic and blank in the winter and she can never gauge any reaction.

even her steps are hesitant as she sighs outside their bedroom doorframe before walking in slowly.

his profile is to her.

he’s shirtless and sitting in the middle of their bed and his guitar is in his lap and he looks so fucking sad and gorgeous at the same time.

his eyes are downcast on his instrument and he seems lost in his music, so much so that he doesn’t react when she’s standing a foot into the room.

“haz?”

he jumps.

the dimples at the bottom of his back move and momentarily deepen and she sighs again—she feels like that’s all she does nowadays—because she hasn’t seen the dimples in his cheeks in what feels like forever.

she misses his smile.

his face turns so his eyes meet hers and she smiles small, hoping that his guitar playing was a sign of motivation— in any way.

“sorry.. i—... uh.”

hesitancy.

even he felt it.

“d-did y’just get home? would’ve... would’ve helped with the groceries—... putting them away.”

she smiles small, looking up at his curls as she steps closer. “’s okay.” she whispers. her hand moves to run through his hair, twisting it around her fingers, and his eyes flutter closed as his guitar is forgotten about. “you.. you showered?”

his eyes open. he nods, looking at the glimpse of pride that washes over her face and he draws his bottom lip in.

you’ve disappointed her that many times?— that a fucking shower makes her proud?

“that’s good. that’s—... that’s great, bub. h-how—” she sits next to him, hand falling to his thigh, “—how do you feel?”

harry looks into her hopeful eyes that beg for any indication of betterment, and he sighs. the truth is that yes, he does feel differently than he has been, but he still doesn’t feel happy, good.

he hates continuously disappointing her— but he can’t lie.

“i feel okay.” he whispers. he reaches slowly with his fingertips until they’re touching her skin, wrapped around her wrist and his touch burns her.

“scale from one to ten?”

he bites his lip.

he doesn’t like the number system.

his therapist had suggested it a long while ago, and his lovie likes it so that’s why he tolerates it.

to him, there was no way any value could replace a feeling, because some days his sadness could be a one but his loneliness could be a seven and averaging those together brings about a four and that seems wrong, off.

averages and means and medians have never been a solidified concept that most see it as—

it’s a summarization. a non specific, lacking of details summarization.

he doesn’t like summarizations.

but he does it for her— she says it’s a simplistic way for her to understand where he is in his own head, so she can try and help.

but nothing about this—him, being with him—is simplistic.

“four.”

she smiles small.

he’s been a two for the last couple of days.

he looks down on his guitar and his finger bounces on the string closest to him, “maybe a five? like—... a four ’nd a half.”

she smiles a bit brighter, squeezing his free hand. “okay.”

he smiles weakly but it doesn’t meet his cheeks or his eyes and he’s quiet for a long while and his fingers pulse in her hand. “do you wanna... do something today?”

she can tell it’s forced.

she can clearly see the reluctance on his face as he asks that— because he doesn’t want to go out.

but he’s being considerate because he knows it must be driving her crazy to be cooped up in here, taking care of her husband who barely wants to speak or move.

so she shakes her head.

“no, i didn’t necessarily have anything to do.”

he swallows.

harry slips his hand away from hers and her heart sinks, her bottom lip between her teeth as she watches him adjust his body to pluck at the strings again, his face further from her view.

“y’sure?” he’s mumbling and hasn’t taken her hand again, and she squeezes her fingers into a fist.

she nods. “yeah.”

but she isn’t sure.

this is when she is reminded to have faith—

where he’s looking away with saddened eyes and a rounded back and blinking away tears and not talking to her.

she prays every night after he falls asleep that he gets better—that spring comes sooner—because the outside winter air mingles with her husband’s sadness and she feels so lonely and cold and alone even when he’s next to her.

he’s heard her.

he’s heard the prayers— he’s seen her desperation.

google searches of how to make winter seem more lively, best ways to live with someone with depression, how to be a more supportive wife.

phone calls of her worried tone and hesitant breath and falling tears as she swallows down emotion and swallows down the advice from her mom, girlfriends, best friends, anyone.

tears at his therapy sessions where he admits he doesn’t take his medicine some days but throws it away— and he sees her shoulders deflate and he doesn’t have to know her inside and out to know that she’s belitting herself— that she thinks she is a failure.

he breaks every time.

it’s one of the only emotions he feels besides emptiness— heartbreak for his wife who feels like she isn’t enough.

she shouldn’t have to take care of him— not yet, anyways.

they’re fucking married, a team, a relationship that gives and takes equally and yes, takes care of one another—

but not like this.

not like this—where she can’t get through to him—where she struggles to coerce him to eat, to take his medication, to breathe, to let his emotions out.

he hates himself.

it comes with the depression, he thinks, the absolute loathing—

he hates that his depression is bringing her down.

harry sharply snaps at her sometimes and he hates himself every time he uncontrollably does so— his heart throbbing as he’s watching her inhale sharply and look away and back out and away from his space with a soft i’m sorry and teary eyes.

he always breaks into his own tears after he does so.

and she holds him, she holds him like he didn’t just yell at her for trying to help him— and he hates himself.

i don’t deserve her.

dumbass— you never have deserved her.

shut up, you don’t need to remind me.

but don’t i?

“what?”

he jumps a bit, his daze breaking as his fingers halt and he turns to her with furrowed brows.

“huh?”

“y’mumbled something.”

his eyes widen— he didn’t think his thoughts could escape his head like that; but he’s underestimated this fucked up brain millions of times in his life.

“i...”

he doesn’t know how to respond.

he’s staring at her and he can’t help but realize how utterly beautiful she looks— but how tired she is.

“nothin’... just, a lyric idea.”

“oh.”

he breathes.

—

the wind is fucking loud.

it’s loud and obnoxious and is causing the windows to rattle and harry is getting really fed up.

he knows better— he knows better than to let an uncontrollable force of nature piss him off, but it’s pulling him away from unconsciousness and causing an ache to pound in his skull.

or at least, add to one already there.

he groans when the branches knock at the window and squeezes his lids tighter, a frown falling onto his face as he wakes fully.

he grumbles, arm lazily flinging up to his face to drape across his eyes when he realizes the television is on and bright and he groans, eyebrows furrowed under his warm skin.

“h?”

he jolts. harry jolts up and his arm leaves his face and he pushes up slowly, rolling over and landing on the other side of his frame.

he squints.

she’s crying.

she’s wiping her tears quickly but he knows she’s crying because the dim light of the silenced tv illuminates the redness of her eyes as he blinks away the blurriness of sleep.

“sorry..— did the tv wake you?” she whispers, staring at the screen and praying he doesn’t notice the wobble in her voice.

he’s never seen her cry like this. she looks blank— like she’s unfeeling, unmoving, and his attention immediately jumps.

“you’re crying.”

she sniffles, shaking her head and placing an easy smile on her face as she glances to him. “i’m okay.”

he props himself up on his elbow. “no.” he murmurs, shaking his head. “lovie, you’re crying.”

she hasn’t heard lovie for such a long time.

it makes her cries choke her and she sobs once, pulling her lips into her mouth. she’s still looking at the television with saddened eyes, her fingers trembling in her lap as she shakes her head.

“love.”

she nods.

“you—... you can talk to me.”

he whispers and it breaks her.

“you can... am i—... am i the reason you’re crying?”

“don’t—..” she chokes, meeting his eyes and shaking her head. “don’t say that, harry, of course not.”

“it’s true, isn’t it?”

she’s quiet. she swallows once, hand reaching quickly for the remote, fingers nimbly moving to the off button.

the room goes black.

he sighs.

“go to sleep, harry.”

she rolls so her back faces him, and she tucks herself under the covers and sniffles.

he’s about to lay back down himself and let his drowsiness take over— but he stops himself.

he reaches over and twists the lamp on instead.

“no.”

her eyes flutter closed and they’re squeezed tightly.

“you’re sad. it’s because of me and...—” he places a hand on her shoulder and she moves to face him, letting the tears roll freely down her cheeks. he shifts greatly, sitting up so he’s sitting on the mattress and looking down on her, noticing the saturated pillow under her head. “i’m the reason you’re sad.” he whispers, folding his legs to sit cross legged.

“you aren’t, h.”

“please don’t lie to me.” harry’s eyes are pleading, hands folded in his lap. his shoulders are slouched, and he’s finally looking at her. “you’ve... you only show me your strength, but... i know you’re sad— that i make you sad.”

she swallows and looks at the comforter as she sits up and rests her back against the headboard. she doesn’t respond.

“do you regret marrying me?”

“what?”

he swallows. he looks down and away from her, wanting to hit himself for how desperate his brain is moving and thinking and spitting.

“...do you?”

his eyes are wet.

“are you crazy, h?”

“yeah. i am, that’s why i asked.”

she breathes through her nose and lets her eyes close, and she shakes her head.

“you... that’s not— you’re not crazy, harry. you know that.”

“i... i don’t know that.”

he hates himself.

he hates that he’s turning her sadness back into talking of himself— but he’s so far down that it pains his chest and it’s hurting the one person he loves more than anything.

“i act like i’m crazy.”

“you’re depressed; you aren’t crazy. and i don’t regret marrying you, why—”

“i hurt you.”

harry says it tremblingly and shakes his head, curls bouncing around his temples.

the room falls quiet and he hears the wind hit the windows again and a chill crawls through his spine and pushes on his throat to release his next words.

“i ask you that because i hurt you every day and you stay and i don’t.. i can’t comprehend how you don’t hate me.”

his eyes water.

it hurts to say but there’s a weight lifted off his chest the more he rambles and word-vomits and he lets his feelings run marathons across their sheets.

“i see... i see you. just because i’m sad and in my own head doesn’t mean that—... that i don’t see that you’re unhappy, that when i snap it makes you hesitant and when i don’t respond to you your heart breaks.”

the tears are flowing down her cheeks as she stares at the blanket, drinking in his emotions and there’s a weight lifted off her chest the more he rambles and word-vomits and he lets his feelings run marathons across their sheets and it hurts but he’s talking to her and—

“that’s why you’re crying.”

“harry—”

“no.”

he snaps at her and she flinches and he sniffles when he witnesses it— the turn of her face like he’s sent a flame to her cheek.

“and that.” he says, nodding at her. “you see it? you’re afraid of me, you have to tip toe around me like i’m a bomb and— you... god you are so good to me and i treat you so badly—”

“stop it.” her voice is trembling.

“—i am the worst husband—person—in the entire world—”

“stop!”

her voice is loud and it cuts through the room and breaks the rhythm of his speech. his eyes turn round and wide as she yells and his breathing is labored and his tears are pooled in his palms.

“i stay because i’m in love with you and because i want to take care of you. ever heard of in sickness and in health, harry?!”

“but i’m not taking care of you, love.”

“i don’t care!” she’s still yelling and now he’s the one who is flinching. “you’re sick, harry. when i have the flu or summat do..— do you get upset that you’re not taken care of?!”

he sniffs and wipes his cheek with the back of his hand.

“...no.”

“no. you don’t. because we love each other and care for each other and you act selfless when you’re in love with someone.”

he looks at her eyes and he can’t see her irises because the water is blocking his view.

“you just said it.”

“said what?”

“you act selfless when...— when you’re in love. that’s how it should be.”

she pauses.

“i’ve been so in my own head that—... that i fail in putting you first. you...” he shakes his head. “i have never loved anything more than i do you. you’ve stuck with me for so long and...”

harry swallows.

she swallows.

“i treat you terribly and... i don’t know how you haven’t left.”

it’s quiet.

“leaving you is worse than being sad for a little while.”

he sighs deeply, his body moving up and down with his sighs. her eyes are so sad and it causes more tears to pour from his eyes and suddenly he feels himself unable to catch his breath.

“i don’t make you happy.”

he’s sobbing now, harshly, and his hands land on his eyes as he cries into his palms. she sits up slowly, her fingers reaching to his wrist, her other joining when she sits fully.

“harry.”

“i want you to be happy and— ... i can’t give that to you.”

he’s shaking his head and his hands are still covering his eyes—pressing and pressing in hopes for the tears to just fucking stop—and she’s absolutely helpless; she can’t calm him and he’s trembling in her gentle touch.

“harry, breathe.”

he’s hyperventilating, breathing ragged and his chest is bouncing violently. her hand comes to his back and she’s rubbing slow, soft circles to attempt to lull him. his hands fall off his face and into her lap, his fingers reaching to wrap in her hand and he’s trying not to fall away from her. harry’s staring at their joined hands with widened eyes, gripping tightly, tears falling to his skin and hitting him at his forearms.

“love, shhh,” she’s shushing him through her own tears, helplessly trying to make him breathe. but she can’t pull her hands out of his grasp.

his eyes meet hers and he shakes his head, lips pulled in and he’s exasperated.

“this life is not what i promised you.” he cries, voice strained. “i want you to be happy and i don’t make you happy and i’d rather you leave me and be happy then stay here and be sad all the time—”

“shh,” her voice is quiet and her forehead falls onto his but he’s talking over her. “harry, i’m not leaving.”

“all i do is pull you under.” he whispers and he sounds angry— angry at himself and this fucking situation and his grip loosens on her hands. “you...” he hiccups and her hand lifts to his cheek and he whimpers and leans into her touch. “you’re so good, and-and..” he waves his hand dismissively, saying it sourly yet sadly “some other guy—some normal guy could make you so fucking happy—”

“i love you.” she cuts him off and he sniffs and meets her eyes. “i want to be here, here with you.” she whispers, tilting his chin up, “i’d rather be with you for a million winters than none at all.”

he swallows and looks down.

“hey.” she’s whispering. “look at me.”

he obeys and lifts his eyes again.

“the winter months are awful.” she murmurs. “but you always come back to me in springtime.”

he sniffs. “but i don’t—” he shakes his head.

“h.” she sighs, and he quiets. “i am sad when you are. you’re half of me, love— i’d be worried if i wasn’t.”

look at how sad you made her— how long until she leaves? don’t you wish you were normal?

“listen, h.” she pulls him back because she can feel his mind drifting away— his eyes turned more watery and his jaw tightens. “being not okay for a season... just makes the happy moments between us even better.”

his hand moves to hold the side of her neck.

“life is hard, bub.”

“i-i know.” he swallows. “i know but ‘s not much easier with me.”

“but...” she lifts his chin up and his eyes meet hers. “but you make it a journey.”

“it just takes a bit of time to find our destination.”

—

there’s a thrum of guitar strings.

she prays it’s better than those nights ago.

she can’t stop replaying it in her mind, the way he’s been crying and speaking and begging her to leave for herself but also beg her to just stay— with his tears in his palms and his face in her neck and she’s overwhelmed because for him to break down like this is unlikely.

but there’s a silent, indirect agreement between them two as she’s swearing she won’t leave while her own tears coat her eyes— that they’d live day by day, and do their best to talk and feel and cry and express, just as he has been. she had lulled his teary and achy body back to sleep with her every time she awoke to his sobbing, humming and her hands rubbing at his shoulder blades, and he had gently kissed at her collarbones before resting his forehead against them before he’d slip back away to momentary piece.

the wind hasn’t hit their window panes since.

it would all be okay— at least when spring came.

but now?— she has extreme déjà-vu as she pads up the stairs with her socked feet.

the air seems thinner today, like she can breathe easier, but now her throat feels tight again because she doesn’t want to see him in a ball in the same spot again like when she sees him through the dark.

day by day.

“haz?”

except this time the music halts.

she frowns because typically he’d be so zoned out that he wouldn’t acknowledge her entrance, her voice, but she reaches the top of the staircase and walks towards their room.

what if he’s sad and he’s been waiting for her to come home—

what if he just threw his guitar on the ground because he tried to write lyrics but he can’t—

what if—

“h? are you okay, love—”

she pushes the door open to their bedroom and she stops.

harry moves away from the mirror quickly, shifting so he’s standing in front of her with his hands behind his back. he’s blushing, and he’s looking at her and scanning her body with a shy smile on his face, a curl falling in his eyes.

“hi.” he murmurs.

“... you okay?” she questions him, drinking in his shirt covered torso and baggy sweats.

“i’m okay.”

her eyebrows are pinched in the center. his skin seems more glowy today, radiance oozing from his pores and irises and— the bags under his eyes are more purple but his little smile is a sight she can get definitely used to. she hesitates, frowning at his expression.

“you are?”

“yeah. i uh—” he sways gently, in a way that settles his nerves as his cheeks blush. “i’m... i’m okay..”

“you seem hesitant, bub.”

“no, no. i—... i’m alright i’m just...” he trails off.

“is there a number you—”

“six.”

she falters, a shocked look falling onto her face as she stares at him. she falters again, though— he looks so unbelievably proud of himself, of his own mind, but weary simultaneously and her face smiles brightly, slowly moving to bounce on her toes as to not outwardly explode in excitement.

“that’s — that’s fantastic... just—... great.”

he nods. then a soft look of revelation falls between his eyes.

“oh, and... uh—”

his hands behind him move to his front and he’s holding a small bouquet of yellow tulips between his twitching fingers and he doesn’t know what to say so he pauses before parting his lips.

“‘m sorry if they’re a bit wilted... i uh.. got them this morning.”

she’s shocked.

she’s gobsmacked and her lips are guppying as she’s trying to discover any phrase or word that she can respond to him with.

“you... what—...”

“after you left i—... just...”

he’s looking at the floor now because it embarrasses him to look at her directly, when she’s staring at him with those beautiful eyes filled to the brim with awe. there’s a twinge of disappointment he feels for himself—that for him to go out and buy her something as simple as flowers is a godsend—because she’s looking at him the same way that she did when she saw him with wet hair—

a look of pride, happiness, and somehow that diminishes any dismay he feels for himself.

“just thought... you deserved something good.”

his foot rubs atop his other.

“so...” 

he thrusts them forward, away from his body and he finally meets her eyes.

“for m’wife.” he’s blushing and biting the inside of his cheek.

her smile melts to an endeared one at the same time her heart turns to a puddle.

“you... got me flowers?” she walks forward and takes them between her fingers, eyes peering at him with awe and astonishment. “why?

he bites his lip and shrugs softly, smile cute and little on his face and it doesn’t meet his entire face, but his dimples pop out like flowers do out of the ground.

“happy first day of spring.”

[ty-talks-comics]

Best of DC: Week of February 26th, 2020

Best of this Week: Batman: Curse of the White Knight Book Seven - Sean Murphy, Matt Hollingsworth and AndWorld Design

Batman is Dead.

The last issue of Curse of the White Knight gave us the last in the story of Edmond Wayne and revealed that the man that Bruce thought was his ancestor, turned out to have been the family to Jean-Paul Valley instead. Bakkar of the Order of St. Dumas killed Edmond after betraying and stealing Gotham from under him, thus assuming the name of Wayne and forming the city to his vision. With this newfound information, Batman has found himself a man with a lineage of thievery, especially after finding out that Gotham’s Elite have been funding their crime through Wayne Enterprises.

This issue begins with a somber flashback to a moment before the funeral of the Waynes. Bruce cries and blames himself for their deaths because he wanted to see The Mask of Zorro. He had always wanted to use the rapiers that his father kept on display and figured if he learned to use them from the movie, then he would be able to impress his father enough. Alfred, always so caring, tells him that if he’s able to go to the funeral, then he can hold a rapier. He then vows to teach young Bruce how to use it for the next danger he may face.

Matt Hollingsworth colors this flashback in a cool blue hue, emphasizing both the sadness and the hopefulness of the moment. Murphy portrays Alfred as being caring and shows that even with the tears, Bruce shows his ability to rise up and become the hero that people need. Though the rapier is far too large for his kid body, Bruce holds it firm in hopes of protecting Gotham in the future.

As we cut back to the modern day, Bruce faith in himself and his dreams of becoming Gotham’s knight are shaken. He was never a Wayne by blood and he sees himself as part of Gotham’s cuse. Many would be right to see him as such given Gotham’s crime initially started off as petty stuff and eventually escalated into battles with The Joker, Two-Face and others with Gotham being caught in the crossfire every time. He didn’t even know that his company was being used by criminals because of his singular focus on fighting crime.

Murphy draws Batman as being tired and ashamed of himself for only just now understanding Jack Napier’s vision and why Batman is just as bad for Gotham as The Joker was. His expressions are melancholic, Murphy makes excellent use of shadow to try to hide some of his shame and body language to make him look like an old man that’s been sitting on a lawn chair for eighty hard years. Harleen Quinzel acts as his voice of reason during his pity party and actually shows concern for him.

Harleen has been a central character in this world since the very first issue of the original White Knight and that doesn’t change here though her own personal arc is over. The last issue saw her do her best to bring Jack Napier out of Joker’s mind for one last time for information and to save her children. In the end, she had to shoot Joker in the head to let Jack rest and rid herself of the monster that had been plaguing her for years. She still finds herself at Batman’s side as one of his most trusted friends.

Bruce still has one thing that he can do to make sure that Jean-Paul doesn’t get away with his crimes and Harley convinces him that Gotham will forgive his transgressions like they did for the former Joker in Napier. At the same time, Azrael is still out there and Murphy and Hollingsworth give readers an AMAZING shot of the villain in his updated Knightfall costume. He grabs onto the nds of his cape as he soars backwards into his hideout. The lights of the city contrast with his blacks, yellows and blues to just give us a pretty damn good shot of how powerful he feels in the suit.

This is contrasted by the next few set of panels where he’s puking out of his mask after escaping from the GTO (Gotham Task Oppression Unit). This version of Azrael has been diagnosed with terminal cancer and as such needs medicine to live and suppress the symptoms. With little dialogue and some telling panels, we see that Azrael has empty bottle after empty bottle of pills in his cabinet. He’s starting to look a bit more gaunt than the first time we saw him. He’s withering away slowly and only has one more pill to spare for his coming battle with Batman.

I love the details that Murphy and Hollingworth add here. There’s blood in his vomit and it maintains after he pukes on his leg. His ribs are starting to show and we’ve seen just how jacked he was in the issues prior. His hair doesn’t appear as long as it did, even pulled into a bun/ponytail and there’s just something so final about the “shit” he gives after finding out that he only has one more pill left. In that singular moment, his mistakes come back to haunt him after killing his, admittedly, treacherous employer.

Soon after, Bruce makes amends to Barbara Gordon after inadvertently causing the accident that almost saw her completely lose use of her legs and effectively getting her dad killed. Barbara has always been resilient and we all feared that that issue #5 would be yet another Killing Joke, but here she is, using crutches to try walking again. The scene takes place during the bright Gotham day and this signals a brighter future for their relationship.

Bruce had always gone to Jim Gordon for advice on what route he should take, but without him, Bruce is missing one of his moral compasses. Barbara is the next best person because she has always been smarter than her father and Bruce has a ton of guilt to get off of his chest and Barbara handles everything like the mature adult that she is. She doesn’t blame Bruce for what happened, even though she said horrid things in anger, but can anyone blame her? She cries at the mention of her father and embraces Bruce, encouraging whatever his decision may be.

Of course, with this being the penultimate issue in this particular storyline, it only makes sense that we see a grand revelation come out of it. Murphy and Hollingsworth set the stage with Hollingsworth coloring the afternoon skies of Gotham with an orange-red kind of hue. We see various shots of different places in Gotham from public libraries to the streets themselves as Batman appears on the giant monitor of Gotham Square. Everything feels hot and sort of uncomfortable.

Bruce gives his appreciation and thanks to the people of Gotham for allowing him to serve as their protector and we continue to get these various shots of people. There’s auto mechanics watching the broadcast in their shop, people in a bar and kids watching on a cell phone with their dog. Murphy uses this to illustrate that Gotham is far larger than we think it is and that there are many people that Batman has saved from every corner of his beloved city, but he hasn’t done enough yet. So what’s the final step?

Batman reveals himself to be Bruce Wayne and dismantles WayneCorp.

Bruce finally becomes the knight that Gotham needs by giving back to the people. By destroying his company, he gives back to the people of Gotham by giving all of his money to nonprofits, schools, homeless shelters etc. It’s everything that Batman detractors have been saying Bruce should have done for ages. In doing so, he offers Gotham a better future than he could have as Batman, but he only asks them to stay off the streets of Gotham for one night while he takes care of the Azrael business. Murphy shows Bruce holding his cowl one last time, standing tall by his heroic decision.

Back at the GCPD, he gets lambasted by Commissioner Montoya for going off and doing his own thing again, but counters by saying that he trusts in the people of Gotham and they all formulate their battle plans. It’ll be his last time taking the reigns before he turns himself in as well, so he might as well make sure that everything goes according to plan.

As Montoya tells Batman that Azrael destroyed most of the other Batmobiles in his assault on bruce in Book Four (I think), she reveals that one survived and I see that Sean Murphy is a Batfan after my own heart. The Batmobile that survives is the badass one from the Animated Series, what this book is supposed to be the “sequel” to. It's sleek and well designed thanks to Murphy’s own love of cars. From the presentation, readers can tell that this is one of the pages he took serious time with as the Batmobile is given so much respect.

After a short conversation with Dick about what Bruce is going to do when he catches Azrael, Batman drives away, leaving his sidekicks concerned about his state of mind and we get one last splash page of Batman standing in the middle of Gotham Square without his cowl and the sky is a blood red. The Batmobile looks sexy in the background and this was all just so amazing.

Sean Murphy is a comic book treasure. His art and his writing truly made this an experience and a Batman story worth standing the test of time. It had the action, the drama, the stylish sequences and several twists and turns that make a story great. He’s made Batman his own in a grungy style much like how Scott Snyder and Greg Capullo have in a heavy metal manner. Murphy’s Gotham is a masterpiece in crustpunk with social problems that Batman’s always had in the periphery of his character and every issue has been better than the last.

Matt Hollingsworth brings it to life with his perfect colors; Whether they’re making use of the blues of Gotham’s clear skies or the light purples of the night sky, Hollingworth makes Gotham look distinct no matter the time of day. Scenes are given hues to match the tone of the pages whether they’re full of intense anger or incredible sadness, Matt Hollingsworth sets the mood no matter what

I really enjoyed this series, but I can’t wait for the next and final issue of it just to see that confrontation between Batman and Azrael. It’s been a long time coming and the fallout from Bruce’s decision as well… it’ll be too much, but yeah High recommend!

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