#he respects Alex and thinks he deserves the truth

[proodence]

I love the idea that Yassen is one of the only members of SCORPIA or MI6 that Alex actually trusts because he's the only one who hasn't lied to him about anything. Even though Yassen killed his uncle at least when Alex asked him he was just like "yeah I did that."

[alex-turners-world]

Alex looks like a ghost of who he once was, it's so sad to see him looking so drained of life especially in his eyes. After seeing Taylor's live it seems apparent now that they had issues brewing in their relationship for awhile before splitting, although there genuinely did seem to be love for one another. I think about that interview with the journalist who asked Alex what he thought of Taylor's fights with the fans; I wonder if he was aware of it and the extent. I could imagine that being confronted with it was humiliating for him and possibly feeling a sense of betrayal, particularly if he wasn't aware. Now, imagine meeting someone like Pauline where you 'think' you've met someone with common interests and perhaps made a genuine connection with only to discover the person you thought you met isn't 'real'. Personally, I think Alex feels remorseful about the cheating, I don't think it was something he was proud of as evidenced in his lyrics and behaviour for example shaving his hair off time period. Whilst Alex certainly has his flaws and made some questionable choices I still think there is a decent and kind person underneath. In regards to Alex's present relationship you could say he made his bed...However, I personally think he's dealing with a slightly deranged individual. I mean none of us know the depths Pauline went to get into his circle in order for their first meeting to have happened but what we do know about her is that she was highly obsessive about him and some of his previous relationships most noticeably Alexa. She's displayed stalker-ish behaviour and as we've all witnessed 'cosplaying' of previous girlfriends again, Alexa evidently being the favourite. We've seen how over time she has made multiple attempts to recreate a new 'identity', being caught out in her lies and manipulation of the truth via her own media. Even before the affair came to the fans attention she was already hinting and teasing about her hooks up with Alex infact, I think it was through her social media activity that fans where able to join the dots to the cheating as well as through Taylors. Pauline has displayed since the beginning a complete lack of respect and remorse towards Taylor even going so far to cosplay her too!! At some point Alex must've seen the 'real' Pauline, perhaps earlier than later but what could he do?! Such a big mess was made. Maybe he wanted to make the best out of a bad situation, try give the mistress and him a real go so it wasn't all for nothing. Clearly, this has led to the 'situationship' we know today. Alex has the upper hand in more ways than one; He makes decisions - she follows, He has the money - she doesn't, What he says/gives goes - she settles for what she can get. Anything to please him enough that she can keep him and this lifestyle from slipping through her fingers. Alex is being used. So is Pauline but for different reasons. Neither are happy, it's plain to see but still Pauline wants it all. I'm of the opinion that getting out of this 'situationship' is not so black and white. I have at times thought to myself, perhaps Alex thinks he deserves this; That it could be a way of self sabotaging. It can be debated that Alex doesn't think highly of himself and is deeply insecure (The Bourne Identity) Also, I think Paulines behaviour could be unpredictable and potentially damaging to Alex's reputation. I could imagine she has not seen or received the best of him as a person at times. It wouldn't surprise me if she's quite the manipulator, we already know she's a liar! I do hope if it is something that Alex wants for himself that they will be able to part ways with minimal chaos as possible (unlikely). A separation for them at least seems imminent and even Pauline can't disguise that as hard as she tries. Just my two cents anyways, apologies for rambling on! X

Very well said! I must say it's all very sad

[ctimenefic]

sooo obsessed with your regency au!!!! can't wait to read more of it

The regency AU is very important to me and so is the strollonso sequel I'll definitely finish

Here, have an extra bit that fits after this but before this:

Horsey has installed himself on the chair closest to the fire; George hesitates a moment, then settles on the rug beside it, legs splayed out before him, so he can better scratch under his chin. 

“We’ll have to send you home with a litter after your next visit,” he jokes, but his breath catches a little when George looks delighted at the prospect. He’d forgotten, in all these months, what it was like to bring someone simple joys. He’s the source of too many “no”s of late. But even when the estate is low on rents and crops and capital, it never lacks for kittens in the spring. 

“Are you onto Chesapeake after us, or Norwich?” he asks. 

“Chesapeake for at least two weeks, perhaps a month. Cara’s shut up the Norwich house, but I can’t imagine Benjy will want us underfoot for that long. I’m sure he’d much rather have solitude with his wife.” There’s a wistfulness to the way George speaks that makes Alex’s mouth twist in sympathy. The oldest of a crop of siblings so close they could almost exchange places without their mother noticing, Alex has never quite grasped the strange, stilted way George loves his older brother and sister. 

He is tempted, naturally, to blame it on the money, but that’s his own lack of funds colouring the picture. George’s fortune, inherited from a mercantile uncle who’d taken his brother’s unexpected second son as an heir, certainly had altered the trajectory of the Russell family from decent sailors to almost gentry. But there are subtler tensions that Alex had almost blundered into on his last visit, three years ago, still too much a boy to pick through the nuances of respect and rank when there were no titles to guide the way. 

He doesn’t want to visit George at Chesapeake. He wants George here, relaxed and happy, soft fur against his fingertips. 

“Cara wants me to find a place of my own, now that I can access the capital. Apparently it would be more fitting. Sometimes I think she forgets I grew up in the dockyards as much as she did.” There was, of course, a difference between a captain’s daughter and an admiral’s son, but Alex kept the thought stowed. “I’m sure being mistress of a grand estate is only part of the appeal.” 

“Ah, she’s being savvy with the timing. You’ll have your pick of the bunch, I’d wager. Almost everyone is letting or selling something.” At George’s blank look, he elaborates. “The harvest last year was dire, George, up and down the country. I have the best steward in England and I’m haemorrhaging rents. Those that have funds to fall back on can weather perhaps another year or two like it, but those on thinner purses, or dud speculations? They’ll sell what they can to keep the rest afloat.” 

He’s come too close to the truth of his own situation that to not go on feels almost like a lie. He takes a sip of brandy to stiffen up the sinews. It’s strange, when they’d been boys it had been so easy to talk about money - George’s strange acquisition of it, Alex’s lax relationship with his own allowance. Two years of managing an estate in dire straits have made Alex cagey, nearly embarrassed. But George, of all people, deserves his candour. “I’d have sold the London house, if I could. Unfortunately, my hands are tied, so the best I can do is let it.”

“Is it that desperate? Alex, I could-”

“I hope you’re not going to be insulting, George,” Alex says sharply. “And no. It’s not desperate. Merely… close-run. In truth, there’s more riding on the horses than I would like. The two we took out today are our best shot at reviving the stud business. If one of them can take the Triple Crown, or the Stayers’-” 

George is looking vaguely quizzical, and Alex wonders exactly how he became best friends with a man who can barely tell the start line from the finish. “The 2,000 Guineas at Newmarket, the Derby at Epsom and the St Leger at Doncaster are the Triple Crown. The Stayers are the longer Cups - the Gold at Ascot, Goodwood and the Doncaster Cup. Still with me?”

George frowns. “And these are… horse races? I’m not sure I quite follow, where do you put the crown, on the jockey or the horse?” He can’t quite hold the expression long enough to be convincing, his grin leaking out around the edges. 

“Oh go to the devil.” 

[imagoddamnonionmason]

“Does either of them have a secret that could potentially ruin their relationship?” (from the ask)

What could cause them to breakup? Could one become codependent on the other?

For all/any of your ships you wanna do!

OOOOOOOOOOOOO these are spicy. I like them.

Ok - so I have actually written a lot about Frank and Jodie, who were my first thought to use to answer these questions. But I have neglected other ships. So, I think I'll use one of the others and we can delve into their little worlds!

For the first question, I think I'll use Ashley Woods and David Mason.

“Does either of them have a secret that could potentially ruin their relationship?”

I think Ashley would probably know a little bit more about what happened the night David lost his father, would probably know a little bit more about Menendez than she would initially let on. Her and her dad are close, close enough that when the events of Blops2 are taking place, she might visit her dad and ask him a few questions while David is on missions or elsewhere. She's worried for both the men in her life, yk? I think Frank would probably open up to her about the events quicker than David, but make her promise to let him tell David about what happened.

Out of respect for her father, she wouldn't say a word to David, as it's information and a conversation that needs to be had between the two men. She would hate to take away Frank's opportunity to heal by telling David what happened, but she would also be so very heartbroken by the information. I think every time she looked at David, she's reminded of what she knows and it would be killing her inside.

Obviously, she also doesn't want to bring something up as traumatic as that for him and he doesn't remember due to blocking it out, as part of his trauma response to Alex Mason's death (which is now bloody canon like catch me crying in the club). And she doesn't want to distract him from his missions - like, she doesn't know how he'd react and the last thing she wants to do is cause him to experience grief again in the face of their mission. Her hands are kinda tied.

Anyway, yeah, I think after Frank does come clean about what actually happened to Alex, I think her and David probably discuss it. If only for her to make sure that he's ok etc. I reckon he'd probably ask her if she knew, given... you know it's her dad. Ashley is not a dishonest person at her core and so would find it difficult not to admit she had found out between David's last time visiting The Vault and now. He'd be upset, ask her why she didn't tell him, but ultimately they would be able to come to an understanding that there was no right way to go about that situation. That she wanted him to hear it from Frank because they both deserved to know and heal from the truth. There was no part for her to play in that until after, where she would support David no matter what.

What could cause them to breakup? Could one become codependent on the other?

I feel like this question probably could have been in connection with the first, however, I'm stealing it for someone else lol

Franca and Ghost. Or, Frost.

Right, well, they both have their own past trauma with family. I think that there is no space for codependency in the slightest as they are both very, like, 'I can do this alone' kind of mindset. Like, don't get me wrong, I think their relationship when it's good is good but when it can be bad, well, let's just say that their past traumas probably have some say in how they deal with their emotions, you know?

I think the closest they could be to breaking up, when they do eventually date, would be Franca in response to Ghost being overprotective/possessive of her around other men and women. In my head, I feel like Ghost could show the potential for being a little possessive, but not necessarily in an overly toxic way. I just think that he probably grasps onto something good and is afraid to lose it, you know? Like, he's lost a lot in his past, people, and it takes him an incredibly long time to open up and allow someone in. But damn, when they're in he holds on tight and is really scared to let go, yeah.

Given Franca's past, with her father being possessive over her mother, and basically saying women aren't good for anything else other than to dote on a man and be a good wife, Franca would be... not uncomfortable? But having Ghost show possessiveness might leave a bad taste in her mouth.

I think Franca would probably say "for this to work you need to trust me enough to be around other people and not expect that they want something more from me" and "if you can't trust me, then we should probably call it a day because I can't spend another second being treated like I belong to you"

Ghost would be taken aback, because it's not that he doesn't trust her, it's that he doesn't trust other people. They'd both try and work on not letting their past get the better of them, but yeah, I reckon that's probably the closest they would have gotten to breaking up. Maybe they have, actually.... I haven't decided yet.

Although, they're the kind of relationship where I imagine that once they've gotten together, if they were to break up, they'd probably keep thinking of the other person until eventually they're like "relationship attempt number 2 electric boogaloo? sound mate."

[fuck-you-im-the-president]

Wow.

You really are the worst person (read: thing) to walk this earth huh?

What makes you think that you of all people are allowed to say that? Against your husband no less?

Alex doesn’t deserve you nor do you deserve Alex. From what I know all he wants is to be treated with respect and kindness which obviously you cannot give him. Not even a minuscule amount? You’re pathetic.

I mean, he cooks for you, he cleans, he even believes that you love him? You made him think he doesn’t deserve respect? What kind of husband are you? Who do you think you are to go around hitting your husband and your son?

Some day Schlatt, you are going to get what you deserve and I hope that when your death comes you have the worst imaginable afterlife. I hope you end up alone because you are not deserving of love.

And for the record- you are in fact racist.

Try to give some sort of respect to your husband you empty low-life.

(OOC: SORRY IF ITS TOO LONG )):

-⭐️

im just telling the truth.

I do give him respect and kindness when he earns it, which isn't hard to do. :/

well, first, he cooks the same stuff over and over. when he cleans he always forgets shit or throws away something important. Sometimes he doesn't deserve respect. How is he supposed to improve without knowing he did something wrong.

Fuck off.

[unravellingsilencehq]

“Oh, Merlin, tell me, does THE ADDICTED LOVER get what he deserves?” He is NEUTRAL & OPEN to finding out.“

— he walks through the world as ;

name → ajax davis pronouns → he/him identification → cis-male year of birth → september 1957 - september 1958 face claim → alex fitzalan blood status → pure-blood sexual orientation → up to applicant occupation →  little scholars coordinator for the british and irish quidditch league in the department of magical sports and games at the ministry of magic future information → husband of aurelia rookwood, father of tracey davis

— he is best described as ;

The scent of FRESH GRASS packaged in a FITTED SUIT, he is what every former JOCK longs to become in the CORPORATE WORLD. He is BOYISH CHARM & the DIMPLES when he SMILES and sheer INNOCENCE masked with a FIRM HANDSHAKE. He belives in TRUE LOVE’S KISS & HAPPILY EVER AFTERS rather than opening his eyes to DANGER & DARKNESS.

— his story starts with ;

Ajax Davis has always been a strong character, though as he’s grown older, his once admirable trait has become a cause of concern for his family. The middle child of his family Ajax has always felt shielded by his older sister CORDELIA DAVIS [sibling] who has felt the majority of their parents expectations. The Davis family own Moribund’s, an exclusive club in Knockturn Alley, their grandparents had founded when they moved over from Ireland. Moribund’s was their trump card, placing them a head and shoulders above other pure-blood families that weren’t in the Sacred Twenty-Eight and ensuring those who were, respected them. For as long as Ajax could remember, his sister was groomed to take over the club. For Ajax, their plans were simple. Find himself a fine partner, preferably from the Twenty Eight to strengthen the Davis bloodline and produce an heir. Whilst Cordelia was expected to work to keep their family in credit, Ajax was to live off the money and strengthen them socially, which of course sounded fun to most young boys. His path in life was somewhat enviable, though Cordelia never spoke out of turn and did everything their family asked. 

His younger sister ROSALINE DAVIS [sibling] had full ownership of being the difficult family member. Like Ajax, Rosaline was expected to marry well and become a socialite, but it was quite clear she wasn’t going to tow the line. His sister had great plans of being an artist and under blanket forts and in quiet moments between lessons she’d urge him to think bigger. She’d ask him where he wanted to go and what he wanted to see, but the truth of the matter was Ajax didn’t know. Like most young boys he loved Quidditch, a career in sports seemed dreamlike to him, but with his parents standing he knew they’d never go for him having a job at all let alone one in Quidditch. A departure from family tradition, Ajax was sorted into Ravenclaw, a blessing in disguise as he was away from the watchful eye of his older sister. Ajax quickly found his footing in Ravenclaw, befriending fellow Quidditch enthusiasts, TARAN POWELL [best friend], ZAFIR JAMEEL [best friend] and DANAE ALTON [best friend/potential love interest]. The group were known for being attractive and jock-like, with a light air of snobbery that only seemed dimmed due to a rival Ravenclaw group in their year who believed they ruled the roost. 

KERVENS BORGIN [rival] was also part of the Ravenclaw team, though he spent all of his time with CAIUS BURKE [rival], RABASTAN LESTRANGE [rival] and XERXES ZABINI [rival], which irritated him. Although being friends with other houses was acceptable, as the future captain of the team, Ajax wanted some level of solidarity between the team and was conscious that Kerevens was the kind of person with loose lips that might leak their strategies. Danae in particular believed he was paranoid and that his suspicions were rooted in jealousy, due to a long standing candle he held for Kerevens close friend. AURELIA ROOKWOOD [partner] had been the object of Ajax’s affection for as long as he could remember. Aurelia was the most beautiful girl he had ever met and Ajax had accepted long ago she probably wouldn’t want anything to do with him. Although he thought incredibly highly of himself, Aurelia carried herself in such a way people had suspected she might have Veela blood. She made him nervous, uncomfortable and excited, the only person to ever throw him off his game and make him suspect that perhaps relationships and marriage did not have to be advantageous after all. 

Despite being a half-blood, he was confident there was no better woman on earth than her and not even the most reasonable person could make him reconsider. His best friends of course hated her. Aurelia, like Kerevens, spent the majority of her time with the popular Slytherin group and regularly partook in putting other people down and the occasional wicked prank. Danae in particular despised her, which was incredibly hurtful for him. Entering into the world as a gentleman, Ajax was forced to hang up his broom and captain’s badge to join society, rubbing shoulders with all the people he didn’t care much for at school. His mother would regularly try and set him up with the likes of ANDROMEDA BLACK [acquaintance] and ROSALIE FLINT [acquaintance] but none of them quite seemed to stick. To get his mother off his back, he enjoyed a long courtship with ADRASTEIA GREENGRASS [former partner], whom he had known from school and did in fact find her to be quite pleasant. Adrasteia had big ideas of leaving society and starting her own bar, secretly mixing drinks for Moribund’s rival Eternelle's Elixir of Refreshment behind her family’s back. Over dinner they’d sit and discuss what their life could be like together. 

Now his older sister Cordelia had run off, they’d be running Moribund’s together and Ajax could even maybe try out for a Quidditch team while he was still young and talented. He could have been happy with Adrasteia had he really truly tried, but Ajax found the siren’s call all too loud and sadly for them both he was powerless to ignore it. For Ajax falling in love with Aurelia was like diving into the ocean, tentative at first but then all in. They began dating under Adreasteia’s nose, sneaking around with one another in a scandalous sordid affair. Adrasteia soon became suspicious and called off their engagement. Her leaving was something of a relief to him, with his family already in tatters as it was. His sister had run off to follow her dreams and his father had run off to be with a twenty-five year old. Everyone in his family was finally trying to live their lives according to themselves and it was about time he did also. She convinced him to follow his passions, past the age of being able to play Quidditch he was best off working for The British and Irish League at the Ministry.

Ajax applied and secured his current position, managing all the paper work of the award and scholarship programs that are held in the association. Though it didn’t seem all that impressive, he was fairly senior for his first job and enjoyed working with hopeful players. His mother wasn’t happy he’d gotten a job and she was even less happy when his engagement to a beautiful girl from the sacred Twenty-Eight went up in smoke. Single with his own money Ajax decided to take the leap and go public with Aurelia. He was happy, his mother was outraged and his sister Rosaline was even less happy now that the family name was squarely on her shoulders. Ignoring his family wishes was liberating and despite alienating himself from his mother and most of his friends who thought he was an idiot, he was happy with Aurelia. But old habits die hard and Ajax isn’t positive she’s quit her old ways. A former flirtatious girl with a man’s heart always firm in her grip, Aurelia isn’t a stranger to coming home late and often she doesn’t smell of her own perfume. Ajax is suspicious that the love of his life might be straying from him, but little does he know - an affair is the least of his worries.

— he is a LEVEL 5 WIZARD & readied for war ;

[lysleann]

With You - Part 3

Alex (Lex)

When he returns to the dining room I'm still sitting at the table scrolling through my phone and sipping my coffee. I look up and smile warmly. "Hey there he is. And he's handsome too!" I say playfully but in a way that is trying to build him back up. He was a taller man, standing at six foot, two inches tall, he had black hair that swooped to the side and wisped around his ears, he had dark steel blue eyes, and his fair skin tone was tanned from the sun which wrapped around his firm muscled body. I didn't think there was an ounce of body fat on this man. He took pride in his appearance and he worked hard to maintain it. 

Travis chuckles. "Not as handsome as you." Travis said glaring back playfully at me.

"Psh. I can't be handsome. I'm a girl sooo....And I'm still in my sweats, my hair's a mess, you know...homeless looking. I'm far from it." I roll my eyes and go back to scrolling through my phone.

Travis smirked as he walked over to me and nudged me on the shoulder playfully. "That may be true, but you still look beautiful even in sweatpants with messy hair. You just can't help it. It's in your nature."

I roll my eyes and cringe. It was a compliment I just couldn't accept.

Travis just laughed. "Come on. Don't be so stubborn. Just accept the compliment and enjoy it."

I scoff. "You know I hate compliments."

"That's exactly why I keep pushing you on it. Just stop fighting me and accept it."

I cringe again. "Or here's a thought...Don't." I snark back.

"No. I'm not going to stop Lex. You deserve to have people around you that build you up and compliment you. If you won't take the compliment I'll simply keep pushing you until you cave. You'll accept them one day."

"No...please. Really don't. I don't like it and you know it." I say slightly more annoyed with a groan.

Travis sighed then finally relented. "Okay. I'll stop. I'm sorry for annoying you. I just don't like seeing you down."

"You didn't annoy me and I'm not down. I'm fine. Really." I sigh.

He raised a suspicious eyebrow at me. He didn't believe me. "Really? You're sure?"

"Yep. I'm fine." My tone is short and clipped but I manage a tiny smile.

Travis' eyes narrowed. He knew I was lying. He knew there was more beneath the surface. But he knew me very well and knew that no matter how much he pressed he wouldn't get it out of me.

"No you're not. And I know it's not because of what I said about you being attractive either. It's something else. I can tell. So what is it?"

"There is nothing else Travis. Really. I'm okay." I say smiling more trying to reassure him that I really was fine.

I could tell Travis was starting to get a little annoyed now. He gave me a firm stare as he tried to read me. "Look at me. And tell me the truth. What is it?"

I glare at him looking him in the eyes. "I said I'm fine. And I meant it. Really. I'm okay."

"You're lying to me." He said softly. "I can see it clearly. Would you please, just this one time, tell me what's wrong?"

I sigh. "What do I have to do to make you believe me? I'm not lying. I promise. I'm okay. Besides, even if I am lying and I'm not fine, whatever I have going on is nothing compared to what you've got going on right now. So don't worry about me. Let's just focus on figuring this out okay?"

Travis rolled his eyes as he stepped back. "Fine." He huffed. "If you say so. We'll focus on getting your spare room set up for me to live in for now. But at some point we are going to talk. You need to learn that you don't have to carry everything alone."

I scowl at him. "Fine. You wanna play that game? What happened with Rachel last night? Why'd she break up with you?"

Travis froze and pressed his lips together in a thin line causing his jaw to tense. He didn't want to talk to me about what caused the fight that led to them breaking up and I respected that. He wasn't being respectful of my desire to not talk about my problems so, if I had to play dirty with him to get that point across, I would.

I raise my eyebrow at him and sigh. "Look, you don't have to talk about it. My point being is I don't want to talk about my problems right now and I don't expect you to talk about yours. So please respect that?"

He looked away and sighed. "Okay. I understand. If you're not ready to talk you're not ready. And that's okay. I won't push you anymore. I'm sorry."

"Thank you. I'm sorry I did that. It was low."

Travis shook his head. "Nah. It was only fair that you pushed back like that. I deserved it. Whatever you're going through though, whether you talk to me about it or not, I'm here for you so you don't have to be alone through it. But you should talk to someone about it."

I let out a small laugh. "How long have you known me now? Like seven years? In that time when did I ever share my problems with anyone? Never. I got this. I'll be okay. But I appreciate the thought."

He holds back a groan. "Yeah well this time is going to be different. I'm going to be around more and I care about you. That means you need to share. Maybe not right now, but eventually. I can't just sit here and watch you deal with things alone."

"I'll be fine." I almost sing the words as I turn my attention back to my phone.

Travis knows that my phone coming out means I'm done with a conversation and he lets out another loud sigh and walks back to the living room.

Once I finished my coffee I head to my room to get dressed and I try to brainstorm a game plan for the day. When I returned dressed and found Travis sitting on the couch staring at his phone. "Everything good?" I asked hesitantly.

He gazed up at me in surprise, then shook it off. "Wha- Oh...Yeah. Just thinking that's all."

My expression saddened. "Wanna talk about it?" I asked, sitting down in the recliner across from him and folding my legs in underneath me.

He frowned and set his phone down on the couch next to him. "I don't want to talk about that right now. Can we have a real conversation? About anything but my ex."

My expression remained sad but I smiled. "Of course. Um..." I thought for a moment to think of a topic that wouldn't lead to his ex. "Oh...how's work been? It's been a minute since you told me about work. Did you get that promotion you were gunning for?"

He smiled and nodded. "Oh yeah, I was officially offered the position a week ago. I start my new position on Monday. I'm excited but also a little nervous."

I got excited for him on his behalf since he wasn't showing it and a huge, toothy smile made its way across my lips. "Oh my gosh! Travis! That's amazing. Congratulations! Maybe we can invite some of your friends over this weekend to celebrate...if you're feeling up to it that is?"

He sighed but smiled at me. "That's a great idea. I'll text some of them tonight to see if they can make it."

I couldn't help but squeal. "Oh my gosh. Yes. Do that. I'll go to the store tomorrow and get appetizers and some dinner stuff. Maybe burgers for the grill?"

"Yeah. I'll text them tonight and I think burgers sound great. Maybe you could grab a case of beer for the guys too? They'll probably appreciate that."

"Of course! Can't have a party without booze!" I said beaming. I was so happy he'd agreed to a party.

I knew having a party to celebrate his promotion would be just the thing he'd need to get his mind off Rachel. And it would be a good excuse for both of us to unwind. As I started to go over a mental checklist of everything I'd need to do to get ready for this last minute, impromptu party, I noticed Travis go back to being lost in his thoughts and my excitement faded.

"Hey...um. I hate to ask...but did you text Rachel? We should try to at least get you some clothes today and your truck. The stuff in that room upstairs won't fit in my mustang so we'll need your truck to take it to storage."

He sighed and shook his head. "No. I haven't yet. That's why I was staring at my phone a minute ago. I had her text thread open, but I couldn't bring myself to write the message. My head has just been a mess. But you're right. It's something I have to do. I'll text her in a bit. I just really don't feel like seeing her so soon."

I sighed and looked out the glass door to my backyard. "I know. But the only clothes you've got are the ones you're wearing. You need something." I paused for a moment then had an idea pop into my wonderful brain. I stood up, walked out of the room and came back with my wallet and keys. "Come on. We're leaving." I said, smiling softly at him.

He sighed and rolled his eyes before raising a skeptical eyebrow at me. "You're taking me shopping aren't you?"

I grinned at him. "I sure am. If you don't wanna see that bi- I mean Rachel. Then we'll go get you some clothes to last you till you're ready to get your stuff."

"We should just run over to my place and get it over with. I know it'll piss her off but if we drop by for five minutes to get my clothes then we don't have to put it off anymore. And we can just make it quick and...somewhat painless."

I paused. "Are...you sure? We don't have to today. We can adapt and figure things out as we go."

Travis took a deep breath and rubbed the back of his neck. "Yeah. Let's just get this over with. After that we can grab a quick bite and get back here. That way we've still got the rest of the afternoon to ourselves to do whatever we want."

I nod slowly. "Okay. I'll be by your side the entire way. Do you want me to wait in the car for you or come in when we get there? You know I have no problem coming in and throwing hands." I tried to joke.

Travis let out a soft chuckle. "As tempting as that sounds, I should probably handle this alone. We already had two explosive days in a row so I think this should be one thing I take care of for myself. I'm sure it'll be just another stupid argument with Rachel anyways. Nothing that I can't handle."

I nod. Things must have been bad if they've been fighting for the past two days. Sounds like the break up was inevitable, but my heart still ached for him. "Okay. I'll stay in my car, but if shit goes sideways then I'll have the police on speed dial. Non-negotiable. Now. Let's go get your stuff back." I said with a melancholy tone and started heading to the door.

We head out to my car and I start driving to Travis' ex-girlfriend's house. He's stoic and uncharacteristically quiet. After a few minutes of silence Travis finally spoke. "You know. You really didn't have to come with me. It's my problem alone."

I let out a sarcastic laugh. "And how would you get there? You know I don't let anyone drive my baby." I say, patting the dash of my Mustang.

Travis laughed lightly as he rolled his eyes. "You're such a selfish woman. You know that?"

"Meh. Sometimes being selfish is a good thing." I said flatly. There was a small tinge of hurt in there but I wouldn't elaborate. Not to Travis.

Travis' eyes grew big and he began doubling back. "Look. I didn't mean that the way it sounded. I was just joking. I'm really glad you're here with me."

I looked at him shocked. "No. No. Travis. That wasn't directed at you. That's my own problems showing through. That's all. I know you were joking. I'm sorry for making you think you hurt my feelings."

"It's okay. But I meant it. I'm really glad you're here with me."

I reached over and patted his shoulder while I drove. "Of course. Anything for you." I smiled and turned back to the road.

When we arrived, Travis popped the door open and stuck a leg out the door. "Okay. Just give me like five minutes. Maybe longer...She's probably going to put up some kind of a fight."

I nod and hold my breath for a moment. "Of course. Got my phone in hand if I need to call the cops. Good luck. And don't forget your truck!"

Travis nervously laughs. "Yeah. I won't forget it. I'll be out as quickly as I can. Promise."

He swung his door open and slowly stalked up the front lawn to their...her front door and knocked. After a couple seconds, the door swung open and Rachel appeared from behind it and her melancholy expression morphed into rage. They exchanged a few words at the door before he stepped inside and she slammed the door shut.

I watched him disappear behind the door and held my breath nervously. I knew this would be hard on him and I'd have to spend the rest of the day trying to cheer him up if this went smoothly. I didn't want to think about the fall out if it didn't go well.

Several minutes passed and I continued to wait and stare at the front of the house with my phone in my hand.

After a few more excruciating minutes passed, Travis finally walked back out of the front door with a dark expression on his face. His jaw was set and his hands were clenched into fists. He aggressively swung the car door open and slumped inside with a frustrated huff.

"What happened...?" I asked nervously.

"We got into a fight. Again. I don't even remember what it's about this time." Travis said as softly as he could before shaking his head. "God she pisses me off so much."

"Where's your stuff?" I asked

"Well...she didn't want me to take my stuff. She didn't want to have to 'deal with looking at me'. And...I didn't want to fight with her about it, so I left. Let's just go to the store. I'll figure something else out later."

I groaned. "Alright. Fuck. That." I bit out. "She doesn't wanna deal with you then she can deal with me. Here take this. You might need it." I slapped my phone in his hand with the numbers to the police pre-dialed and got out of my Mustang, slamming the door behind me and stomped up to the front door. I banged on it with all my strength.

I could feel Travis' eyes burning holes into the back of my skull. I waited at the door and after a couple minutes I pounded again. "Open up Rachel! I know you're in there!" I yelled into the door.

Finally, the door swung open, and Rachel glared at me with such intense fury I thought I'd melt right there on the doorstep. She was a short woman, standing at only 5' 5". She had long dark brown hair that almost touched her perfect tight ass, perfect tanned skin, perfect toned abs...everything about her was perfect...except her fucking attitude and the way she always treated Travis. It was too late to back out now and Travis needed his stuff so I faked a sarcastic smile. "Rachel. Hi. We're here to get his stuff and we're not taking 'no' for an answer. Mmkay? So if you don't want me to use your face to mop the fucking floor, then I suggest you step aside and let me come in and pack some clothes for Travis. He may not hit women. But I do. So Move!"

"What are you going to do about it?" She sneered. "I'm the one who owns this house. You have no right to be here."

She didn't own the house. Her landlord did. And all I saw now was red. "Oh you wanna know what I'm gonna do about it do you?" I sneered. I reached up and shoved her aside and walked into the house. The fact that I was twice her weight and five inches taller than her, helped. When I got inside I ran up to their bedroom and grabbed the first duffle bag I saw and started going through drawers and pulling clothes out and shoving them inside as fast as I could. Then I flung the closet door open and did the same. Grabbing Travis' clothes off hangars and shoving them in the duffle, ignoring Rachel who was hot on my heels, screaming profanities at me. It was all she was probably capable of. If she was capable of more, then she was smart to not touch me.

When I finished ransacking their bedroom, I exited their bedroom and quickly tread down the stairs to the kitchen. The entire time Rachel followed me screaming cuss words at me which I continued to ignore. She was a tiny lap dog that was all bark and no bite. I scanned the kitchen and found the key holder with his truck keys hanging on it and grabbed them before flying out the front door with keys and duffle in hand and Rachel right behind me. I threw the duffle on the ground and turned rapidly on my heel to face her in the front yard and not noticing that Travis had gotten out of the car and was standing next to it a few feet away from me.

"Listen here bitch. You lost a perfectly good man. He would give you the world if you let him but you're so bent on being a raging bitch that you can't see it. You're gonna regret losing him. And don't, for a second, think about trying to get him back. You fucked up with this one. He's kind, caring and sweet and compassionate. And how dare you kick him out in the rain like that last night. He could have died out here."

I turned and picked up the duffle and tossed it at Travis along with the keys to his truck. "Let's go Travis"

Travis stood there with a stunned look on his face as he watched all of this unfold in front of him. I didn't back down one bit and stood my ground through the entire thing. I could tell he was impressed. This was a side of me he rarely saw.

And when I finished screaming at Rachel and tossed him the duffle and his keys, he turned to stare at his ex with a glare. "Well...if it isn't the consequences of your own actions. We're leaving. Have a nice life you psycho bitch."

I smiled and flipped her off over my shoulder before climbing back into my Mustang, and burning rubber as I peeled away from the house. Travis tossed his bag in the bed of his truck and climbed in and followed me back to my house. He parked in the driveway next to my Mustang and we got out. When our eyes met I gave him a confident smile and nod.

Travis returned the gesture as he walked around the front of my car and wrapped his arm around  the back of my neck and pulled me into a hug. "You're something else. Thank you." He said in almost a whisper.

I hugged him back and whispered. "You're welcome. She doesn't deserve you. You know that? You deserve so much better."

"Maybe not, but I'm lucky to have you. Not just right now, but all the times you've been there for me. I really thought I was going to marry her." A slight frown tugged at the corners of his mouth. 

I pulled away and smiled warmly. "Hey. That's okay. We've all been there. I thought that too about...you know..." I shrugged. Travis knew I'd had a relationship end about six months ago. I reigned it back in quickly though. I wasn't about to talk about my problems. Not here and not ever.

"Yeah. I know. But I'll get over it. Eventually. I'm just glad I've got you."

"Me too. Now...let's go get some brunch. I'm starving." I smiled and gestured for him to go take his things inside so we could go get food.

"Yeah. That sounds good actually. I could honestly go for some waffles now. Like a lot of them. And probably a lot of bacon too." He said as he walked in the front door of my house and dropped his bag in the front room before shutting and locking the door behind him again.

I laughed. "Ihop it is then. You drive. I'm sure it feels good to have your truck back."

"Oh hell yeah." He grinned. I think my display of confidence back there gave him some form of catharsis he'd needed for a long time.

We quickly hopped back in his truck and he pulled out of the driveway and began driving in the direction of the nearest Ihop.

"So other than being an absolute badass and fighting my battle for me. How have you been? You doing okay?"

I laugh. "Psh. Bad ass? That was nothing. I was just...taking out the trash." I giggle. "But I've been good. Just working a lot. That's all." I shrug.

"I get that. Life sucks when you just work all the time. But I'm sure you're making good money from it?"

"Oh my. Very good. That's how I was able to afford that Mustang. I love it. It's my dream car and I pulled it off all by myself." I beam at the thought of my brand new mustang. I hadn't had it for very long and I was able to take it to a shop shortly after buying it and adding a few..."minor" modifications.

"You know that's the perfect car for you? You're a badass woman who goes after what she wants. So you deserve a badass car."

I smiled and beamed like a little girl. I did love my new mustang. "By the way, I'm so on board with getting bacon. You think they'll just bring us a plate piled full of bacon if we asked for it?"

"I'm pretty sure if we ask them for a lot of it we'll get a mountain of bacon on our table. And I'd be all over that. We should try it, you up for it?"

"Definitely!" I say happily.

"This is going to be awesome. We'll get some waffles, sausage and eggs. And then ask for so many strips of bacon they'll think we're crazy. Let's do it."

I can't help but grin at him. As I do, I take in his handsome features. He's always been quite the attractive guy with well defined muscles and a perfectly chiseled jawline. It made me wonder why he became friends with me...a slightly chubby, thick-thighed, and in my opinion, unattractive brunette. But I didn't let myself question it too much. He was one of my closest friends and I was grateful for him.

After a few moments, Travis caught me staring at him longer than normal and side eyed me. "What are you looking at?"

"Oh. Ahem. Nothing." I say smiling and turning back to look out the window as he drives. Rain started falling and speckled the window.

"No. No, you were definitely looking at me. Something on my face?" He brought a hand up to his face and started wiping. 

I rolled my eyes. "Yeah. Only that shit-eating grin you're always rocking." I say sarcastically. Mild insults were one of my love languages and he knew it.

"Ah so you're admiring my good looks as usual. I get that. I'd admire it too. In fact...I do. Every morning when I get up and look in the mirror."

I groan and roll my eyes. "Cocky and full of yourself as always." I chuckle.

"Hey that's just the way it is. Can't help being blessed with good looks." He lets a sideways smile creep across his lips and it flashes his pearly white teeth...his sharp canine tooth. Swoon

"Must be nice." I grumbled

Travis' grin faded and he became more solemn. "You know you're beautiful, right? Like honestly I'm not just saying that because we're friends. You seriously are."

I cringe. Great. Another compliment. "Nah. It's fine. You don't have to lie. I know I'm not really that attractive."

"I'm not lying to you. You really are. You just aren't your own type or someone you find attractive. But I'd bet if you asked around, a bunch of people would say they found you attractive. Trust me on that one."

I scoff. "Yeah. Because that sounds like a great confidence boost. I'll just go around to strangers and be like "Hey, do you find me attractive? No? Thought so."." I say sarcastically.

"I wasn't saying that you should actually go around and ask people that...all I was trying to say was that you are beautiful and I'm sure there are plenty of people that would agree. But you don't believe that for some reason. And it pisses me off." His tone was soft but steely.

I slump to the right and lean on the door. "Be pissed all you want. It's the truth. I'm chubby, out of shape, I have stretch marks. Don't know who in their right mind would want that."

"I'm pissed because you don't see what I see. Sure you have stretch marks. Sure you have some extra weight on you. Sure you have thick thighs. Who gives a fuck? Do you know what I think when I see you? I think you're beautiful. All that other stuff, I love it. It's a part of you and makes you who you are. That's my thought on it."

I look out the window and watch the rain glide down the window. "Can we just...drop it please? You know I hate talking about this stuff."

Travis shifted in his seat and dead panned the road ahead. "Yeah sure. We can drop it. Sorry I just..."he trailed off.

Guilt pulled at my heart and I sighed. "No. I'm sorry. I shouldn't have snapped at you like that..." I cringed and slowly spoke the words that made my stomach turn. "Thank you...for the compliment."

He took a slow breath in. "No, no. You don't need to apologize. But...you're welcome. And I mean it. No matter how much you try and disagree, I'm not going to change my mind on that."

I shrug and try to smile. "Guess we'll just have to agree to disagree."

"For now. But I'm never going to stop trying. You deserve to love yourself for who you are. You deserve a man who sees you as you are and thinks you're the prettiest woman in the world. Because you are. Your personality and compassion and literally everything else about you sets you apart from any other woman in the world. So, until you see that, I'm going to keep trying."

"Oh god. Please don't. I might die from cringing too much." I laughed.

"Oh come on, that's a little dramatic. I don't think you'll die." His mood shifted back to light and happy.

I turn at him and glare playfully at him. "Don't you know me by now? I live for the drama." I was grateful that whenever Travis and I got into an argument of some kind we could quickly drop it and move on and go back to being friends like nothing happened. Even if we still didn't see eye to eye on it.

"Yeah that's true. You always know how to bring the drama. Never a dull moment with you." He elbowed me in the shoulder.

I laugh. "Like earlier? I sure showed Rachel didn't I? Now that was dramatic."

"That was kind of impressive though. How did it feel? To actually stand up to her like that? It felt good, I bet."

"Can I be honest for a second?"

Travis nodded and quirked a brow.

"It felt really good. Like really good. I've never liked her. She always had a "I'm a hot pick-me-girl" vibe that I hate. Don't know if you heard me talk to her when I pounded on the door but I threatened to mop the floor with her face. Now that felt good. Especially when she looked at me all shocked." I laugh.

Travis burst out laughing and shook his head. "No. I didn't hear that! Damn. I bet it felt like taking a piss after holding it in for too long. All that energy and emotion built up inside you just needed some kind of release."

I chuckle. "It felt better than that. Like 'getting laid for the first time in years' good."

Travis laughed even harder and leaned forward towards the steering wheel clutching his stomach as he fought for breath between laughs. "Well damn, that's not a comparison that I was expecting." He said as he shook his head. "Well it's good to know that it felt that good for you. I know you're not one to speak up for yourself like that. So it was good to see you let out some of those feelings in such an explosive way."

"Well..." I say sighing. "She hurt my friend and put him out on the street in the rain in the middle of the night with nothing. I wasn't gonna stand by and let her get away with that."

"No, I get that. She was completely out of line to have done that. I just didn't expect you to actually go in on her like that. But I'm glad you did. Someone needed to call her on her bullshit. I was too nice to do it apparently." His smile faded and I could tell he was overthinking everything again.

"Something tells me you tried though, and that's why you guys broke up...isn't it?" I ask hesitantly.

"Yeah. You could definitely say that. I've called her out on stuff countless times. Just never like you did."

"Well you loved her. Of course you'd hold back. It's understandable." I sigh again and rub my palms nervously on my leg.

"Yeah maybe, but I think my reasoning was more I knew she wouldn't listen to me. It was like arguing with a brick wall. So it wasn't worth the energy. But...I know you've never liked her. So being a little more aggressive with her felt right in this case."

"I'm sorry it didn't work out. Four years is a long time to be with someone and I'm sure it feels like even longer now that you have to walk away. And I'm sorry she and I couldn't get along. I know you wanted us to be friends so we could all hang out together. She just rubbed me the wrong way and I think she may have been threatened by me thinking I was gonna try and steal you from her or something." I rolled my eyes. Knowing that Travis would never go for someone like me so she had nothing to worry about. But I'd never admit that out loud. I didn't want to make our friendship awkward.

Travis laughed nervously. "I doubt she was ever threatened by you. I get it. You two are very different people. You're more of a tomboy and not really into things like makeup and vanity like she is. I think she just didn't like that someone else was getting my attention. She never liked anyone who got in the way of getting what she wanted."

I let out a sarcastic laugh. "I think you meant to phrase it "she didn't like someone like me getting your attention."

Travis rolled his eyes. "Jesus, you're stubborn. You think every guy in this world would find you unattractive?"

"Yup. That's what I'm saying. But let's not get back into that again." I let out a shaky sigh.

"So you're telling me that, if I was a random guy on the street and I saw you walking by, that if I found you attractive, I'd be a minority in thinking that?"

I scoff. "Look at yourself Travis. You're incredibly attractive, you're fit, you've got abs for days. You could have any woman you wanted. If you were some random guy on the street and you told me you found me attractive, I'd laugh in your face because I'd know it was some kind of joke. Men like you don't find women like me attractive."

Travis pulls into the parking lot of Ihop and aggressively throws it into park and unbuckles his seatbelt then turns towards me.

I leaned back on the door away from him. "What?" I asked hesitantly.

"Let me show you something." He said with a grin. And then turned to open the truck door. He stepped out into the rain and walked around to the front of the truck and stood and peered at me through the windshield. Then he motioned for me to follow when he sees me staring at him from the cab of his truck.

I slowly unbuckled my seatbelt and opened the door and got out into the rain. I slowly walked up to him and stood a couple feet away from him in front of the truck. My body felt tense, unsure of what he was doing.

Without another word, he grips the sides of his shirt and pulls it off over his head. He wasn't shy about his body and had been in front of many people shirtless plenty of times. But we were in the parking lot of an Ihop and he was drawing weird looks from people in the restaurant and in the parking lot. The rain dripped down his perfectly chiseled body and he...grinned at me? "Go on...Look."

My eyes grew big as I gazed at his perfect body. His well defined abs and chest. Everything was perfect about him and my mouth dropped open. "Travis...what the hell are you doing? We're in an Ihop parking lot."

He laughed loudly. "Just humor me for a second here. Look at me. At my body," He motioned for me to study his body.

I sighed and reluctantly let my eyes drift over his body from his face. As I gazed at him I began to notice tiny little imperfections here and there. Imperfections I'd never noticed before. He had scars and...holy crap... "do you...have stretch marks?" I started to see the faded stretched skin that speckled his inner biceps and his hips.

"Indeed I do. See what I mean? Everyone has imperfections. I'm not as perfect as you think I am. Stretch marks...body fat...cellulite are not things to hide and be ashamed of. And if a guy can't look past something so small as that, then they aren't worth your time. So please take back what you said about no one being into chicks like you."

I groan and roll my eyes as I cross my arms across my chest. "Fine. You win. Now put your shirt back on, you freak." I laugh a little and turn red. The gesture of taking his shirt off to show the world his imperfections in the middle of a crowded parking lot just for me made my heart rate rise.

"That's better. Now do you realize that you have nothing to be self conscious about?"

"Yes..." I grumble lying. He had no idea what it was like to live in this body. How much I hated myself for the way I looked. How I felt like no one would ever look at me and say Yep. That's mine and she's so beautiful. But I couldn't tell him that.

"Let me ask you this. If you had a perfect body, one that was skinny, no stretch marks, no cellulite, basically someone with the conventional body type that society says is ideal...do you think you'd be happier?"

I scoff. "I know I would be."

Travis raises his voice at me slightly, with a hint of annoyance. "No you wouldn't. You'd find some different aspect of your looks that you thought were unattractive and hate on that just as much. Trust me. You'd never be happy with how you looked even if other people did. That's what happens when your self image is messed up."

I tense at his raised voice. "I'm sorry..." I whisper.

Travis' expression softens and so does his tone. "No, I'm sorry. I just got a little frustrated listening to you think that you have to look a certain way in order to be worthy of love and attractive. You're beautiful just the way you are. I wouldn't change a thing about you. So please don't try to convince me or yourself that you need to be one specific body type in order for someone to think you're pretty."

Slowly but surely he was forcing me to talk about this. A part of me hated him for it. He was acting as an unpaid therapist right now. Pulling things out of me that I didn't talk to anyone about. My face contorted a little as I fought some tears. I hated crying in front of Travis. We'd known each other for years but I'd only cried in front of him twice in that time. I didn't want to make it three. "It's just..." I inhale deeply. "No one approaches me. No one tells me I'm beautiful other than you. I go to the bar with friends and I'm always the one that men don't come ask to dance with while my friends go off and leave me alone at the bar to drink alone. So something is clearly wrong with me."

"And how many of those men do you think you want coming up to you? All of them? The ones who come to the bar to pick up chicks and are just looking for a hookup. Yeah, that'll definitely make you happier." His tone is full of frustration now and he's not holding back.

I scoff and sniff. Still fighting to keep the tears at the edge of my vision from falling. "It would be nice to feel wanted for once."

Travis steps forward and wraps his arms around me pulling me into his bare chest. "I just wish you'd realize how many guys would be lining up to date someone like you if you had the confidence to put yourself out there."

"That's just it Travis." I scoff again. I don't fight his hug. We rarely hugged but it was nice when it happened. "There aren't any guys lining up to date me. I'm invisible. It doesn't matter where I go. Right guys...wrong ones. No one is desperate to be with me."

"Tch. That's not true. Every time we go to the bar guys are checking you out. They don't come up to you, sure, but that's because they're scared. Because you have this tough personality and they're intimidated."

I can't help but laugh at that. "You're just saying that. I think if guys were checking me out, I'd notice."

"Would you hate me if I was honest right now? Even if what I was being honest about was the fact that I check you out when you're not looking, every damn time we go out?"

I pull away from him quickly and look at him stunned. "Nuh uh. No. You had a girlfriend. A beautiful one. Up until last night. There's no way."

Travis puts his hands up defensively, trying to back peddle his way out of what he said so I don't take it the wrong way. "No no no. That's not what I was saying...let me clarify what I'm saying."

I raise an eyebrow. The tears were still at the edge of my vision but I couldn't help but grin at him as he tried to back peddle. He'd never been one I allowed myself to have a crush on. He was my friend and he got with Rachel a few years into our friendship. The relationship I'd had that ended six months ago had only lasted three months. And I'd been single for a couple of years before that. And I knew, deep down, Travis would never go for me. So I let friendship be the only thing on my mind when it came to him. Rachel was gorgeous. She was thin and had beautiful dark brown hair and perfect skin. I thought they were perfect for each other based on their body types.

"First off...I just want to clarify that yes...I did have a girlfriend. And secondly..." Travis took a breath as he took a step towards me, keeping his gaze locked on mine. "I've always thought you were beautiful. And I do have eye's you know? Just because I was in a relationship doesn't mean I'm not allowed to notice things like how beautiful my best friend is."

I roll my eyes and wipe away the tears at the edge of my eyes. "Alright, fine. You win...again. Now let's go inside. It's wet and I'm hungry." I brushed off his compliment again and didn't dare put deeper meaning to it. He'd just gotten out of a four year relationship last night and there was no way he'd ever consider being with me.

"Now are you gonna put your shirt back on or are you gonna walk in like that and expect them to still serve us?" I say sarcastically.

"Okay alright...." He said while rolling his eyes. "Goddamn you're a pain." But he laughed yet again as he put his shirt back on.

I faked a sigh. "I know I am. But that's why we're friends. You're equally a pain in the ass." And with that I turned and started walking to the front door.

We went inside and were seated. Travis and I ordered the heaping plate of bacon and they gave it to us much to our surprise. He ordered waffles and I ordered pancakes. We both got eggs and we scarfed it all.

After we ate, we headed back to my house with a full stomach and a plan to start clearing out that spare room so he could have his own space and not have to continue sleeping on my couch. 

[away-ward]

I personally like the “She is everything” scene and I think the series need more of them, with some variation of course. The other couples deserved to have some sort of declaration scenes. It didn’t need to be to the group, but I felt that it was missing a lot of the time.

yeah the series def needed more of it. but the thing is it did not happen for the other couples maybe except for damon saying in conclave that the only person who can bring ivarsen's dad to his knees is ivarsen's mom or something like that. so again only these two couples get the spotlight and exclusivity of the mmc reassuring the fmc they are the only ones for them. so we know that no matter how many orgies they participate in they will always go back to their respective partners but we don't get that kind of reassurance from the other two mmcs.

Well, I don’t mind that Michael and Rika show up and having an effect on other parts of the series. My issue comes in with the roles they play. I think Rika (and the others that we’ve all already discussed) had too big of a role throughout the rest of the series to the point that it felt imbalanced.

i agree. i think you have heard enough about how rika is everywhere from too many anons so i am going to spare you.

And I don’t mind that the scene happened a year later. I feel like this has probably been building between Michael and Kai for a while as Kai overstepped his bounds with Rika time and time again. It was actually kind of refreshing to see Michael take Rika’s side and defend her, even from his best and closest friend; even from someone who’s not even really a threat and he knows it.

the whole point of corrupt was michael saying he is not rika's savior. and how rika can stand up for herself. so why doesnt she and why does she need michael all of a sudden to express a clear boundary when it comes to kai. why is she a damsel in distress who cant voice her opinion and put kai in his place herself? again this also points to the author making sure rika gets everything while the rest of the girls except alex are just... there.

Hey, thanks for waiting patiently.

so again only these two couples get the spotlight and exclusivity of the mmc reassuring the fmc they are the only ones for them. so we know that no matter how many orgies they participate in they will always go back to their respective partners but we don't get that kind of reassurance from the other two mmcs.

I guess I never needed the author to tell me that the others felt the same? I just assumed it was a given that kaibanks and willemmy would stay together always, happy and in love. I mean, would a scene where I get to see them say that be nice? Sure. But I’m not dying without it, and not having it doesn’t make me doubt the sincerity of their love.

the whole point of corrupt was michael saying he is not rika's savior. and how rika can stand up for herself. so why doesnt she and why does she need michael all of a sudden to express a clear boundary when it comes to kai.

Okay, let’s remove PD and whatever motivation they may have had, and just take the scene as it is.

What we have is a disagreement between two characters.

One character, Michael, is upset that Kai, his closest friend, put the person that he loves the most in the world in the presence of a known rapist and murderer without running it past him first.

Something to note here: Michael says what he's mad about is, not that Rika was put in an unsafe situation, but that Kai and Rika made the decision to do that without telling him. Alternatively, what a lot readers took from it was he'd rather her not be in the situation at all. Either one of those could be the truth.

Kai argues that he didn’t think it would be a problem based on what Michael has previously said. To Kai, if they're all equal and Michael wouldn't be mad if it were Will that he brought along, Rika should be fine as well.

Michael doesn’t care what he previously said. He cares that he was left out of the loop and that Rika could have been hurt (keeping in mind that Rika is all of, what, 5’4” and maybe a 120lbs, and she’s only been training for a year, whereas Kai and Will can handle themselves), and he wasn't even aware that it was happening.

I feel that it’s perfectly fine if you agree with Kai. In this very scene, Rika sided with Kai. If looking at this situation, you think Michael is being a hypocrite and going back on his word, then fine. He’s a liar and a hypocrite.

But, let’s play devil’s advocate. Why would Michael suddenly change his tune when it comes to Rika?

Maybe he was lying in Corrupt when he said he wanted Rika to stand on her own and that he wouldn’t come save her. It could have been that he wasn’t aware he was lying. He never wanted to be anyone’s savior. Maybe he just didn’t know how loving someone would change him.

2. Maybe he thought he could keep Rika at the same level as Kai and the others, and that they'd all be equal in his eyes. But over the past year, that proved to be untrue. And it's that the point of being committed to someone? You hold them in a higher regard than all other, cherish them more than anything else. Try to protect them, especially when they don't see the danger.

3. Maybe the situation has changed. Before it was all a game. It was burning down empty drug houses and running from the cops and wearing masks. Now, his former friend is the enemy, he was forced to kill his brother, and Gabriel Torrance is toying with them. The game has changed, and he’s had to change with it. He never expected that his best friend would take the person he cared about the most to one of the most dangerous people he personally knows, and without warning him. He'd be justified in being mad about that.

4. Maybe Michael thought he could handle Rika being in these types of situations, but now that it’s actually happened, he’s found that he’s terrified of it. Maybe he’s been warning Kai that he doesn’t want Rika in those situations because he’s terrified of what could happen (not in those exact words, obviously). Kai and him are usually on the same page, but recently Kai’s not listening. And that's frustrating, because loving Rika has changed him, but for the first time, Kai can’t relate because he’s never been in love like this.

Idk, take your pick. Michael’s change in relation to Rika could really be anything. I do think that between the ages of 23 and 24, after going through what Michael’s gone through, we could expect him to change just a little.   

You can agree with Kai, and that's fine. He has a valid point. Michael did say she was equal. But I still appreciate Michael being willing to change, and to confront Kai over this even if it does make him a hypocrite. He wasn't embarrassed or ashamed to admit how much he cared about Rika, in such a bold display of emotion, which is usually out of character for him.

Maybe this scene would have been better told in Kai's pov instead of Banks', because she wasn't actively involved with the fight.

Thanks for hearing me out :)

-KO

[shit-talk-turner]

Yeah, Miles can be hit or miss for me, but regardless of his level of "success" he has passion and drive and he's been working his ass off for years and I think that deserves some respect! // but also milking the fans tlsp about the anniversary of the album, to get engagement to be able to promote his upcoming album, so it's easy. the truth is that 90% of the people on his profile are interested in Alex

He’s not an idiot

[tweekfilms]

now we got problems and i don’t think we can solve them

this is just constant drama so yipee

chase was about to head inside the car when he saw nico run up to him and push him

“hey” chase complained

“do you have feelings for alex” nico asked and she looked angry

“what” chase looked confused

“do you have feelings for alex” nico said slowly but with anger in her voice

chase was actually nervous that he didn’t notice that gert had come to his side and slipped her hand into his and that karolina, molly, and alex were all there

“fine i think i owe you the truth… yes i used to have feelings” chase admitted

everyone stayed silent and alex looked down on his feet with an expression of hurt and sadness but chase didn’t want to know why

“so you’re telling me you had feelings for a while now and you never told me??? what actually happened at the pride gala? what did you actually do?” nico’s eyes were full of anger

“i did nothing all i did was my own business and that was it. there was nothing more and besides i never told you because you and alex were so happy and perfect together and i was not going to interfere” chase explained

“but you did anyway” nico shook her head

“you really shouldn’t be talking nico” gert frowned at her

“easy from you since you didn’t tell me about you and chase like do you not trust me” nico yelled

“we have a right to be private” gert was gettier angrier by the second

“gert’s right and besides since we’re spilling all our secrets out… its only fair you say yours” molly stared at nico

everyone was confused and nico just sighed and said

“fine you want to know then you will. i had a crush on karolina”

chase just stared at karolina and mouthed a simple “are you ok” and she just shook her head

“why didn’t you tell me this” alex was now upset

“because it wasn’t important” nico shrugged

alex was about to speak before karolina cut him off

“not important? nico you could have told me and you don’t even know that months i spent pining after you and the hurt i felt when you got engaged” karolina’s eyes filled with tears

“wait…” nico paused

“we’re admitting secrets… here’s one of mine, i have feelings for nico or well now had because i see now how things are” karolina just looked back at nico and went into the car

“what happened between you two at the pride gala while i was gone” alex asked nico

“we just talked” nico said

“alex why don’t you admit what you were going to do at the pride gala with chase” molly asked him

chase looked at alex thinking he was going to tell the truth and come clean but he just lied

“nothing happened god molly stop trying to instigate stuff when there isn’t” alex looked at her

“of course you wouldn’t. you’re a fucking coward” chase shook his head in disbelief

“look who’s talking, the guy who wouldn’t even own up to his relationship and feelings” nico crossed his arms

“for the last fucking time, i deserve some privacy in my life and besides don’t even be talking because you’re still the biggest hypocrite i have ever met” chase told her

“well i guess since we’re spilling secrets… i have one more to say. karolina and i knew about gert and chase already but we kept quiet” molly confessed

“really molly? really don’t you like to stir up drama” nico bitterly laughed

“watch it minoru” gert warned before molly stopped her

“i wouldn’t do that to my own sister, she’s my family and i respect her and besides i’m not that shallow as you think. you two on the other can’t make up your damn mind about things and you end up losing the best parts of your life and all this for some documentary so tell me who really are the shallow ones here” molly challenged

nico just stayed silent and alex just looked down at his feet again

“this friendship was doomed from the start” gert spoke after the awkward silence

“maybe we were never really friends” nico was still angry

“we were but you all just had to go and ruin it” molly then left and joined karolina at the car

“so i guess that means…” alex started to speak

“this friendship its over at least between us four and you two” chase then got into the driver’s seat and gert sat in the front with him

the car ride back home was silent until karolina broke into sobs and molly tried comforting her as best as she could

chase tried to control his own tears from falling out and gert just squeezed his shoulder as a sign of comfort

“maybe why don’t you two come and sleep over tonight. i have an extra sleeping bag so karolina you can sleep in molly’s room and chase can sleep with me” gert suggested

karolina just nodded in between sniffles and chase just quietly said yes

how did everything become so complicated in less than a span of a year… everything was perfect

i guess its true what they say about summer, it always changes and everyone comes out a whole different person

[thatfuzzyfamiliarspace]

Hit a new low today. It wasn’t even scary, just sad. Alex will never realise how she saved me today. It’s fucking awful going from such a high to a plummeting rock bottom. I don’t think he sees me the same anymore. He sounded disgusted when I told him I didn’t get anything in college. The annoying this is I should’ve got a distinction. It was 3 fucking P units that I didn’t submit. I didn’t tell my parents. For months they asked me when I was getting my certificates. Until the point they realised I wasn’t gonna get them. Fucked up a levels and then my engineering course. What a fucking failure. Set out to be just like my sister. I didn’t think I’d get into this predicament. The coming that hired me from college never even asked for my certs. I’ve never been asked for anything like that, no one I’ve spoken to has either. It’s gonna look awful if I tell my manager I don’t have any. Maybe I could just tell Emma, but would she say sommin ? Idk. Idk how tf to fix this. He doesn’t understand, I can’t just tell the truth coz it’ll always look over me. I actually feel happy here. I feel like people respect me and believe I know my shit. They won’t anymore if they all find out. And esp Graham. He thinks so much of me and his opinion of me means so much. I don’t wanna leave this job.

I just feel awful and icky. Jordan probably thinks I’m scum now. That I’m some college failure. Not someone he can brag about and show off to his dad. I wanna be successful and smart and for him to be proud of me. But the nastiness is his response to me, just told me everything I need to know. I’ve really fucked up. And it’s only been 2 fucking days ffs. Shit can never just go right for me can it ? I can never just be happy ? I’d gotten over all the college shit. But now I just feel guilt and shame all over again. Like I’m never allowed to move on.

My only hope is I can speak to Emma and see if she’ll keep it confidential. But I can’t guarantee that. If the guys find out I won’t wanna work there anymore. It’ll fuck everything up. I wish I could just deserve this and to be happy. But clearly I don’t. It’s “karma” as he put it. I must be a fucking awful person for shit to just keep kicking me down. I swear it feels like life just taunts me with my ups so that the lows feel so much worse are harder. It’s like a cruel joke and the universe is just laughing at me.

I don’t know why I ever get my hopes up anymore coz it just hurts more and more everytime my happiness gets ripped away from me.

Yeah, I shouldn’t have chatted shit, but everyone fucking does it and I really didn’t think it would be relevant !! But course, I need to learn my lesson don’t I. That’s what he says. Like I’m some dumb idiot. Well I defo won’t make that mistake again for sure. But that doesn’t change the situation now and doesn’t fucking benefit me at all.

The whole drive there I just debated if I just took myself out or others with me too. I didn’t even care. I couldn’t even see behind all the tears I was just letting fate decide that fucking outcome. I wanted to park up and hurt myself but Alex saw last time. She’d defo pick up on it. I feel so fucking worthless. To go from yesterday to today is just too painful. Seeing and hearing how proud he was of me to how he spoke to me today.

And now I gotta go over there where he’s gonna fuckign talk about it all over again. I don’t wanna hear it. I shouldn’t have fucking said anything. What tf was I expecting for him to say ? Idiot. Fucking idiot. It’s worse him knowing than work finding out. God I just wanna go numb, please

[sergiohaku]

In Full

🎙️ Cristiano Ronaldo: "Yes [he's being forced out]. Not only the coach, but another two of three guys around. I felt betrayed."

🎙️ Cristiano Ronaldo: "People should listen to the truth. Yes, I feel betrayed and I felt that some people didn't want me here [at Utd], not just this year, but last year too."

🎙️ Cristiano Ronaldo on Ten Hag: "I don't have respect for him because he doesn't show respect for me. If you don't have respect for me, I will never have any for you."

🎙️ Cristiano Ronaldo: “Since Sir Alex left, I saw no evolution in the club. Nothing had changed.”

🎙️ Cristiano Ronaldo: “I think the fans should know the truth. I want the best for the club. This is why I come to Manchester United. But you have some things inside that don’t help (us) reach the top level as City, Liverpool and even now Arsenal.”

🎙️ Cristiano Ronaldo: “I love Manchester United, I love the fans, they’re always on my side. But if they want to do it different… they have to change many, many things.”

🎙️ Cristiano Ronaldo: “He [Sir Alex Ferguson] knows better than anybody that the club is not on the path they deserve to be. He knows. Everyone knows. The people who don’t see that… it’s because they don’t want to see; they are blind.”

🎙️Cristiano Ronaldo: "A club with this dimension should be top of the tree in my opinion and they are not unfortunately.”

🎙️ Ronaldo says his 3 month old daughter was hospitalised in July, that is why he could not return for pre-season and he felt hurt because senior executives at Manchester United doubted him.

🎙️ Cristiano Ronaldo: "As Picasso said, you have to destroy it to rebuild it and if they start with me, for me, it’s not a problem."

🎙️ Cristiano Ronaldo on Wayne Rooney: “I don't know why he criticizes me so much… probably because he’s finished his career and I'm still playing at the top level.”

🎙️ Cristiano Ronaldo claims he has been made the 'black sheep' who gets blamed for all of Man United's failings.

🎙️ Cristiano Ronaldo says it will require changes for Man Utd to become title challengers again: “You have to destroy it to rebuild it and if they start with me, for me, it’s not a problem. I love Manchester United, I love the fans, they’re always on my side.”

🎙️ Ronaldo: “A club of this size should be at the top, but This is not the case, there is no excuses."

🎙️ Cristiano Ronaldo laughs and says this about Wayne Rooney: “I’m not going to say that I’m looking better than him. Which is true.”

🎙️ Cristiano Ronaldo: “I followed my heart. He [Sir Alex Ferguson] said to me, ‘It’s impossible for you to go to Manchester City’, and I said, ‘OK, Boss’.”

🎙️ Cristiano Ronaldo: “Fans for me are everything. This is why I give this interview, because I think it’s the right time to speak my mind.”

🎙️ Cristiano Ronaldo: They [the fans] are the most important things in football. You play for them. They are always on my side. I feel that every time when I go out, when I walk in the streets, the fans come up to me and they appreciate what I do for football."

🎙️ Cristiano Ronaldo: " A big club like Manchester United bringing in a sporting director like Rangnick surprised not only me but all the world. This guy is not even a coach."

🎙️ Cristiano Ronaldo: "Nothing changed [since I left]. The pool, the jacuzzi, even the gym, even some technology. Even the chefs who I appreciate, lovely people. I thought I would see new technology, infrastructure. I saw things I saw when I was 20,21,23." [PiersUncensored]

[whatismylife3]

I get why people are sceptical about the “Drive it out” video - this kind of thing should have been done long ago and they should provide more details on what the plans are to tackle this problem. I do think we need to give it chance though to see what they actually do.

However. I am seeing a lot of finger pointing at other drivers fanbases for being the main problem and I just wanna say… it literally not down to just one driver fanbase, it’s basically ALL OF THEM.

No driver fanbase is without toxic and disgusting fans lbr-

• a popular Charles fan page on here said Carlos needed to kill himself and had consistently made derogatory comments to him. I have now blocked them so I dunno if they are still doing it but there was definitely a severe lack of people calling them out at the time. Seemed to be one Carlos fan did and that’s when people said something.

•merc fans sent death threats to Nicky after Abu Dhabi - and I’m saying merc fans because that’s what I saw and tbh no other team fans really had a reason.. unless they just hated max so maybe I should say mostly merc fans.

•there has been racist abuse towards any driver who is not white from multiple fanbases - pretty sure I remember Alex’s family having to be told not to look at comments on any socials because people were saying they eat cats amongst other things, and the amount of people who were awful to Zhou when he was announced by Alfa Romeo was insane. Can’t mention racist abuse without mentioning Lewis - the fact there are people who think it’s okay to call him slurs is vile. I get people don’t like have to like him, but the fact some peoples first insult to him is racist will never make sense and shows more about that person than Lewis. I do see this more on twitter tbh.

•people constantly wishing drivers to crash… even after Silverstone this year! Wtf is wrong with those people?! Drivers have died - most drivers on the grid know someone who has died from this in their career. I usually only see other drivers fans call out people who say that. Fans of the same driver seem to be quiet most of the time.

•Lando fans vs Daniel fans on the regular and they get really nasty. I’m fed up of the war going on between them.

•Lewis fans vs max fans CONSTANTLY at it when at least those drivers can show respect towards one another. They might not be friends but they seem way more mature than some of their fanbases. I know there are respectful fans on both sides and I actually interact with some (lbr, their teams are the ones typically in the media making little comments anyway) - but there are definitely those who act like either driver murdered that persons entire family and is the reason for every war ever to happen. Like my god, some people need to touch grass.

•Carlos vs Charles fans - so many people were mad about Silverstone for Charles… but the truth ferrari fucked up and that doesn’t mean Carlos didn’t deserve a win. Vice versa - I’ve seen some Carlos fans hating on Charles when something happens that affects his race.

There are so many more examples but I’d literally be constantly listing so I’ve put the ones I’ve seen most and some examples that have just stood out to me.

Instead of pointing the finger at each other, which does absolutely nothing but causing fights, actually hold fans accountable for their words. Not just of drivers you don’t like, but people who support your driver. All that person is doing is contributing to the toxic and hateful environment that seems to be all I see when I now go online. All it does is create a bad name for the driver and make people think all the fans of that driver behave that way. I’m sick of coming online and wondering what fucking fan war I’m about to witness and what happened when I was offline.

And I know people will say “but this drivers fans are worse”, I DONT CARE. I’ve said what I’ve said. It’s about making EVERYONE accountable for their words/actions instead of just the fans of drivers you don’t like. If you don’t hold everyone accountable, even if you’re friends with someone saying this toxic stuff, you’re part of the problem. that does include drivers too - but some people are very picky on which driver they think needs to be held accountable and which doesn’t… which makes no sense. Either hold every driver to that same standard or none of them, don’t pick and choose which driver needs accountability and which doesn’t

End of rant. I just needed to say this💀

[nojey]

unnoticed

quackity / alex x streamer!reader

genre: fluff -> angst pronouns: they / them word count: 2.1k warning(s): cursing, suggestive jokes

synopsis: you had known alex since you started streaming but none of your viewers knew. you started getting closer and eventually you started streaming together but your viewers didn’t like that.

“(y/n)!” alex screamed into his phone after you answered the facetime call.  “yes, my love?!” you screamed back. alex giggled and asked, “do you want to stream sometime soon? i mean like, we’ve known each other for a few months and we haven’t streamed together, i know you’re a fairly new streamer but i even asked dream if you could come onto the smp, and i have something planned- well karl and sapnap helped me plan it- but that’s not the point, the point is-” he rambled.  “alex? are you asking me on a minecraft date?” you asked. “no! well, maybe, okay yeah. i’m asking you on a minecraft date.” he confirmed.  “i’d love to go on a minecraft date with you, alex.” you said, blushing a bit. 

truth is, you’ve had a crush on alex for a few months. when he first slid into your dms you didn’t really expect it, but it turned out to start a beautiful friendship. you always flirted with alex in hopes that he’d notice, but it never seemed like he did. he never retaliated back but little did you know, he was just too shy to.

“uh- okay great! tomorrow, at 3pm your time, stream it. we’re going to have a lot of fun. wear pajamas, or you know- just be comfortable okay?” he rushed. you laughed a bit and said, “yes alex, of course. bye now,” then smiled and hung up. 

you immediately went tot twitter and started a thread: @(y/s/n): this weeks stream schedule (times are pst): @(y/s/n): tomorrow @ 3pm: minecraft date w/ someone i haven’t streamed with yet  ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) ↳ @ quackity: i wonder who this might be hmMmMMmm @(y/s/n): tuesday @ 1pm: i somehow got invited to an among us lobby w/ corpse, sykkuno, valkyrae, disguised toast, quarterjade, masayoshi, peterparktv, jacksepticeye, and ludwig  ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ @(y/s/n): wednesday @ 1pm: if things don’t go well w/ person on monday- looking for a mc boyfriend! ↳ @ quackity: WELL THAT’S RUDE TO ASSUME THAT THINGS WONT GO WELL (Y/N) @(y/s/n): thursday @ 3pm: chitchat w/ nihachu !! @(y/s/n): friday @ 2pm: pummel party w/ ??

as soon as you tweeted all them out, you looked at replies and saw that quackity had replied to both monday and wednesday schedules. giggling to yourself, you replied back to him.

@(y/s/n): @ quackity way to make it obvious alex, if you wanna date me just say it (¬_¬) @(y/s/n): @ quackity how can you assume that it will go well alex (Ő-Ő) ↳ @ quackity: i just know (y/n)!!! truST ME!!!!

laughing once more, you plugged your phone into the charger and went to bed, excited for what alex had planned for you two tomorrow. 

getting ready for the minecraft date was very nerve wracking. the only thing you could think about was whether alex considered this a real date or not. deep inside you hoped that this was a real one. 

the ringing from your phone disrupted your thought. looking down on the screen you saw that the one person you were thinking of was calling you. 

“hello?” you answered. “hi, (y/n), are you ready?” alex asked. “uh, yeah, i just- i just need to start my stream and introduce what we’re doing.” “okay, um- i’m going to send you a link to the dream smp discord server. join it and join vc 4.” he replied.  “for sure, see you then.” you smiled. “see you.” he said and hung up.

“fuck,” you said and wiped your hands onto your pants. you definitely weren’t ready but still, joined the discord server and joined vc 4 then deafened. you set up your stream and hit go live.

“hey everyone! as you may know, if you follow my twitter, today i’m going on a minecraft date! uh no, no one knows who it is yet, but i have a feeling a LOT of you already know who it is.” you said, reading chat and wiggling your eyebrows.

“okay, i’m going to join the server and then share my screen when he’s standing in front of me.” you started playing some music so your viewers didn’t get bored while they waited for you to start. 

once you were logged into the smp you privately messaged alex and asked him where he was. before he could answer you turned around to look at the walls you were surrounded by and screamed out after seeing quackity’s naked body behind you. 

“chat, i’m okay, just got scared. um anyways, yeah.”  you said and showed your screen, revealing the man himself. “quackity!” you screamed into your mic. “jesus christ, (y/n) we can save screaming my name for later.” he said in a suggestive voice. you then started punching him and after each punch you said, “stop. saying. suggestive. comments. we haven’t even started the date yet!”  “okay, okay, okay! i’m literally going to die, (y/n) stop!!” he yelled out. you kept hitting him to see if he was lying but after the second punch quackity was slain by (y/mc/n) showed up in the chat. 

ranboo: i see that the date is going well

you started laughing uncontrollably while alex was silent. “(y/n),” he said in a more serious voice. you hummed as he continued his sentence. “why did you kill me?” “i wanted to know if you were lying. was that a canon life? i think that should be a canon life.” you laughed. “no it wasn’t a fucking canon life. (y/n) you’re not even an official member of the smp!” he said. “i could be,” you said wiggling your eyebrows and crouching up and down. “anyways. follow me, i’m bringing you to where we’re having our date.” so you followed him and when you reached your destination you were at party park with karl and sapnap standing in front of you. 

“hello boys. what are you doing here on our date. is this an amusement park date, quackity? i didn’t take you for that type of guy. it’s kind of cheesy.” you rambled. “no! this isn’t where our date is happening. jeez, have a little more faith in me (y/n).” he said, moving his minecraft character to look at you slowly and creepily. “well there wasn’t much to begin with,” you said, chuckling a bit. you heard karl and sapnap giggling to what you had said.  “hey! take that back!” quackity said, punching your minecraft character. you audibly gasped and turned to look at karl and sapnap again. “you guys saw that right? he just hit me.” you said, faking shock. they both quickly nodded their heads. “i can’t believe you would hit me on our first date.” you said, turning to look at him this time. “you literally killed me!” he yelled out.

so this went on for about 30 more minutes till quackity explained to you that your date would pretty much be a minecraft manhunt with quackity, sapnap, and karl hunting you but you had to find something instead of defeating the enderdragon. if they killed you and they won, you owed alex a real date. no stream, just them. 

“you’re going to hunt me for our first date?” you asked in disbelief. quackity then nodded his head up and down in a very fast motion. “mm cool,” you said as you punched him and ran away in a different direction.

it had been about 45 minutes and you killed karl and sapnap twice, but quackity had not been seen the whole time. but as you were running away from sapnap, quackity appeared in front of you and you faked trying to kill him, letting him just kill you because you wanted to go on that second date with him. 

(y/mc/n) was slain by quackity ranboo: date still going really well, looks like you guys are really hitting it off!

“awe man, looks like i have to go on another date with quackity!” you said. sarcastically faking the disappointment. reading your chat for the first time this stream, it wasn’t your usual happy messages. instead they were filled with negativity.

i don’t see why quackity wants to go on a date with them why did dream let them on the smp?? there are so many other content creators who deserve to be on the smp way more than they do they’re so fucking annoying begging for attention much?

so you grew quiet and just listened to quackity end off his stream while you ended yours without saying anything. but once he finished saying goodbye to his stream, you immediately said bye to him.

“i’m gonna go now alex, thank you for the minecraft date. text me the details for the next. bye.” you rushed.

alex found it really weird that you had just left like that, you guys almost always stayed on call after he finished streaming for at least 3 hours just talking. but he let it slide, hoping it wasn’t something he had done.

you went onto twitter to update about your streaming schedule. @(y/s/n): looks like my stream schedule may be moving around because i’m going on a second date with @ quackity!

alex quickly went to go reply to it but gazed over the replies to your tweet and wasn’t very happy with them. you don’t deserve to go on another date with him you’re literally just using him for clout what an attention whore leave him alone already!

knowing that you barely ever got hate, he quickly called you instead. thinking very hard about what he was about to do. looking at your phone you saw that alex was facetiming you, you wiped your face from the tears that had fallen and sniffled, hoping you didn’t sound too congested.

“hello?” you said. “hey um, i have to tell you something.” he replied. the serious tone of his voice got you very nervous. was he about to confirm everything your chat had told you or even the tweets you just read? “i really like you, (y/n).” he said. you looked at your phone in surprise and he continued. “and i really don’t know if you feel the same way about me but i read the replies to your tweet and i know that you’re a pretty new streamer and i just don’t want you to already be getting hate because of me, you don’t deserve that. you’re an amazing person and i just, i don’t want to be the reason you’re getting hate. so i think it’d be best if we just laid off talking to each other for now.” “i like you too, alex.” you whispered. “but i respect your decision. goodbye for now?” you said, offering a smile to the screen he was displayed on. it looked like he was just as shocked as you when he told you how he felt. “uh, yeah. goodbye for now. don’t be a stranger (y/n).” you smiled once more and hung up.

as soon as you hung up you started crying again. you really liked alex, but maybe you didn’t show that well enough, because if you did, maybe you guys would’ve been together at this point.

the next day, you streamed normally with a faked high energy that nobody seemed to notice, this time not paying attention to your chat. deep inside you really just wanted to curl into a ball and sleep all your stresses away. it really sucked to find out the guy you’ve had a crush on liked you back but he decided to end whatever you guys had going on.

but your chat couldn’t know so you kept a fake facade on, hoping no one asked about him.

though to alex, it looked like you were so unbothered by him pretty much ending your friendship. he started slightly believing the tweets that mentioned how you were just using him for clout. but after really thinking about it, he realized, why would you have been friends with him months before, without any of your fans knowing if you really were just using him. so he scolded himself and went about his day.

you were ending your stream with a big smile, as soon as you hit that end streaming button that smile was gone. you changed into a hoodie and curled into your bed. you just looked up at your ceiling and started crying, you pretty much lost the guy you really liked. your feelings being unnoticed by the public eye.

[ciceroprofacto]

Baron von Steuben and the theme of Madness in SOA

I doubt anyone will ever ask about this, but I think it’s important to break down John’s conversation with Steuben at the end of 18 because it’s so important to the plot and I left things happening off-screen that I wanted to put in a couple ficlets, but at this rate probably never will, so-

 “When life itself seems lunatic, who knows where madness lies?  Perhaps to be too practical is madness.  To surrender dreams — this may be madness.  Too much sanity may be madness —  And maddest of all: to see life as it is, and not as it should be!”

Meta under the cut

Over the course of SOA, the label ‘Madness’ will get transposed over three concepts: love, war, and politics. Those concepts will be necessarily blended and layered over each other, and it’ll get more and more murky which concept the characters are referring to.

It first came up in regards to love circa chapter 12- 

“In war we fear what will happen when we meet the enemy- what he will do to us. In love, we fear ourselves and when we will part- what we will do to ourselves.” “You make it sound like madness...” There’s a taunting lilt in Hamilton’s voice that tells me he’s smiling while he says this, laughing, but I think if I looked, I’d see the veneer, how much truth he tries to tuck away in his tone. Lafayette laughs anyway, “Only if you try to avoid it.”

I bolded Lafayette’s dialogue because ‘we fear ourselves’ is what Madness has meant to John and Alex in regards to Love for the first 15 chapters of the story. They were full of their own inhibitions around the concept- around the moral connotation of physical intimacy or the personal commitment to vulnerability.  

Here’s a romance arc summary post for reference.

After John recognizes that he can’t choose to not pursue his feelings- that resisting is more destructive to him than any consequences that could come of them (including death), he starts referring to this view of Love as Madness in the past tense, and usually to accuse Alex of being fearful towards the concept.

So, Lafayette’s correction to Alex in chapter 12 defines what Madness in Love comes to mean in the story. 

Now- John made that development in himself by himself, but Steuben played a major role in giving him the space to do so.  Throughout their interactions, John’s been focused on ensuring that the Army can use Steuben’s military expertise to its greatest potential.  He’s duty-driven towards that goal, and Steuben respects it and has accepted the help in every way he could. 

But, at the same time- while John’s there advising and helping him, Steuben’s office has a very-specific environment that’s very different from working in Washington’s office. They spend just as much time talking about philosophy and poetry and gossip as they do on work. Caty comes over and distracts them whenever she can and Steuben encourages it. Their interests as people are valuable and aren’t immediately assessed as possible weapons for the cause. The underlying message is that their humanity is more important than their utility. 

And, while a major feature of John’s humanity is out on display during the Enslin trial, it’s not just a matter of the camp condemning sodomy, but it’s an indictment of the concept of men being physically-intimate with each other. To John- it’s an indictment of his heart- of who he’s capable of loving, and he’s angry and frustrated and ashamed- and ashamed of that shame. But, Steuben is there again and again to encourage him in the other direction. John doesn’t deserve the ways he condemns himself. This isn’t about him. How he feels isn’t this.

John’s grown so much during this arc and through this exposure to community that; when he approaches Alex at the end of 16 to properly confess that he doesn’t just want to be partners, he wants to be lovers, and Alex replies by confessing that he’s been manipulating his career throughout their relationship; John has the confidence in himself to recognize that Alex is using that fact to dodge vulnerability and basically come back and say “so what- you fell for me anyway.”

So what does this have to do with Madness?

The conversation between Steuben and John at the end of 18 defines Steuben’s philosophy of Madness and Sanity and recognizes the shift that’s taken place. Predictably- it’s a direct reference to the Don Quixote quote that kicked off the chapter and which Steuben’s referencing during their conversation.

“Perhaps to be too practical is madness. To surrender dreams — this may be madness. Too much sanity may be madness — And maddest of all: to see life as it is, and not as it should be!”

Steuben is familiar with both John and Alex’s backstories. It’s a fact that’s been an endless source of discomfort for John, recognizing that Steuben seems to know things about Alex’s thoughts and beliefs that he doesn’t, and unsure how much he knows about him at any given moment. This vibe comes from two off-screen conversations-

A conversation with Henry Laurens ~early February timeframe~ while staying with him in York on his way to meet Congress in which Henry expressed his concern for John after getting his response back, “You asked me, my Dear Father what bounds I have set to my desire of serving my Country in the Military Line. I answer glorious Death, or the Triumph of the Cause in which I am engaged.”

A conversation about personal ambition with Alex in which Steuben recognizes that he doesn’t seem happy with the way that Washington employs him- that he’s right to want to be recognized and properly-employed, not sent on impossible errands anytime Washington is afraid his reputation might suffer from failure.

From those conversations, Steuben knows them on a pretty deep level already. Alex wants power over his own life, and John wants to be the perfect citizen. Alex is motivated by a desire for self-sufficiency, and that’s filtered through his investment in the war and his keen awareness of the social structure of the society he lives in. John is motivated by his intrinsic need to be Good filtered through his investment in the war and his lifelong embroilment in public duties as colonial aristocracy. 

So, breaking down the conversation, it plays out like this:

Steuben posits that, despite the fact that we all play parts in our day to day lives, we should be genuine to ourselves because we can’t keep up an act all the time, and sometimes we promise more than we can give.

Then, he recognizes John’s role as the bayard as an act. He admits that it’s an important role for the times they’re in and he says that John is the ideal person to fill that role. He steps closer to him and starts undoing his cravat where John has hidden hickeys from his night with Alex, revealing the truth of John’s sexuality in this safe place, while recognizing him as the ideal role model for American valor.

And then he drops this whopper that has John understandably confused and in tears:

“I believe you are lucky. Your vision of the world as it should be is as close to madness as any man should ever come, and you have found a friend who is so wretchedly sane he might save you. I believe, if your vision can be saved, you boys might just make that beautiful madness a reality. And that thought is exciting.”

And he’s saying a lot here. 

Remember his definition of Madness:

“Perhaps to be too practical is madness. To surrender dreams — this may be madness. Too much sanity may be madness — And maddest of all: to see life as it is, and not as it should be!”

So, It’s really counterintuitive, but what Steuben’s calling ‘close to madness’, is John’s extreme sense of public duty. His sense of his place in the world and how he can serve it best.

In love- that’s being a faithful husband.

In war- that’s being an obedient and useful aide to Washington

In politics- that’s supporting his father and keeping him informed about the military’s needs.

He’s saying that John is too good at being dutiful- he’s nearly giving up on his own dreams and desires for himself.

But! He’s been lucky- he has a friend who’s secretly very selfish in that respect.

On the subject of Love, Steuben knows that John is the more-repressed of the two, and he knows that Alex has encouraged him to pursue intimacy. Which John needs to reach self-actualization.

On the subject of War, Steuben doesn’t know about it yet, but he’s right on this too- John’s plan for arming slaves and adding them to their numbers would be an effective tool in furthering the ideal of Liberty they’re rallying people around, but he’s held back by his duty as a son not to mangle his father’s standing. Meanwhile, Alex sees the idealistic vision that John has, he sees the reservations that John has, and he suggested bolder methods that wouldn’t require John’s father’s support.

On the subject of Politics,  Steuben knows that Alex hides his ambitions because they’d be hindrances to his autonomy on Washington’s staff, but now- with John’s social standing and support, and Alex’s ambition and John’s idealism make a heady mix.

And then, Steuben asserts that- if John can manage to serve his public duties like he’s aiming for now without destroying himself or deadening himself, he’ll be the perfect citizen he’s hoping to be.

[notsowrites]

Untitled 3x09 Malex Coda #2

There’s this and then one more idea rumbling around in my head at the moment that I’m trying to write.

Enjoy! <3

-------

Alex falls asleep curled against his side. 

Michael doesn't know how to let go of him right now, to let him out of his sight. Not after realizing he'd been alone with the brain melter machine for two days, and certainly not after seeing Alex standing on that ledge.

He's certainly had his share of terrifying moments - realizing something had happened to Isobel that would make her murder three girls, almost losing Max for good, realizing that he was going to permanently lose the mother he'd just found. And that moment ranked up among them.

It felt almost comforting in a way, that the two of them were harboring the same fears about this new relationship they were embarking on. That they both wanted it to work so badly they neither of them had stopped to consider the other felt the same way until Alex had finally voiced his concern in the exam room. 

He'd had every intention of just taking Alex home, and leaving. Not wanting to encroach on his space, not wanting to be an imposition when Alex probably just wanted to catch up on sleep. He knew, and understood, Alex's issues with trust regarding his home. The place he was supposed to feel safest, and Michael tried his hardest to respect them. Alex deserved that. 

He feels Alex stir, and watches as he presses his nose to his shirt, as if inhaling whatever it is Michael smelled like.

Rain, he remembers, from their trip to the Long Farm. Alex had said he smelled like rain, beneath the grease and bourbon.

"Why are you awake," Alex says, voice quiet, head turned to look up at him.

"Because I haven't been awake for three days."

Alex groans, and all it does is fill Michael's heart with love. He wanted to be angry, he wanted to tell Alex how stupid he'd been, disobeying protocols and taking off on his own to try and solve the machine. 

But seeing Alex on that ledge, realizing how close he came to losing Alex - something shifted. All he'd felt was relief as he held onto Alex, and Alex held fistfuls of his shirt in his hands. He hadn't been too late, he hadn't lost him. They could work through this. He hadn't fucked up. Because his entire drive to Deep Sky, that had been all he could think about, and he'd come up with the most harebrained plan, but the only one he could think of to actually get into the building.

"I am sorry." Alex pushes himself up, leaning against the headboard now so he's facing Michael at eye level. "I know how much you were looking forward to our date."

"I've been waiting to take you on a proper date since we were seventeen, Alex. What's a couple more days?"

Alex just nods, but doesn't say anything else, and Michael realizes maybe this is one of those times he needs to speak up. He's been so happy these past couple days, trying to follow Alex's lead, enjoying that Alex has finally been opening up to him. 

"I was angry, when I saw you hadn't been home. When I saw the untouched Crashdown bag inside the door. I thought you'd lied to me."

"I didn't mean to-"

Michael shakes his head. He knows that now. "I was worried, Alex. You told me the machine incited a neurological brain disorder, how could I not be?"

Alex lets out a deep breath, and shakes his head. "That's not the whole truth."

"What's not?" Michael frowns, because what else is there? Alex had already mentioned hallucinations caused by a rise in dopamine levels - what else could there be?

"I mean it is, but-" He looks frustrated, and Michael waits. He can be patient if Alex wants to tell him. "My hallucinations took the form of your mother, Michael. And I didn't want to tell you that because..."

Michael nods, because he gets it. He's been battling with understanding everything his mother did and was involved with on the home planet. It's been rough, meeting her, losing her, finding out how she ended up in Caulfield. Though not having the same emotional attachment he does, Michael wonders what would make Alex's subconscious conjured her up. Was it because of the machine itself?

"And I thought by telling you, about the things she said to me, that you'd blame me. And I couldn't-"

"She was just a hallucination, right?" Reassuring him is easy, until it hits him what Alex was going to say. Alex thought he'd blame him, that it would put them right back at square one. He believed Michael held his mother in such high esteem, that any slight against her would anger him.

And maybe he was also right about that. Because he had gone off on Jones, he had yelled at Isobel for doing the same thing. He'd be lying to himself if he said he wouldn't have done the same to Alex.

"I just don't want to be the one who ever ruins your image of your mother for you. She loved you, Michael. I know she did."

So he just nods instead, leaning forward, and pressing a kiss to Alex's lips, soft and gentle, their noses brushing. When they pull apart, they stay there for a moment, breathing the same air, Alex's hand pressed against his chest, and Michael reaches down and covers it with his own, giving it a comforting squeeze. 

"I can't lose you, Alex. Losing her was-" he stops, words stuck in his throat. He tries not to think of Caulfield too often - at least not in the context of that day. "I thought losing her would destroy me. It nearly did. But losing you - seeing you on that ledge, I almost did. I could have."

Alex presses forward, their lips meeting again, and he feels Alex's hand slide up his neck, fingers tangling in his hair, gently pulling Michael's face towards him. "I'm right here."