#he thinks family is unconditional love. love that doesn't have to be earned

[championofelysium]

I think when he was younger Hades actually was very similar to Zagreus, but the mix of horrible parents, responsibility of being an eldest son to two younger brothers (and their only real father figure), and the later responsibility + lack of sunshine + general doom and gloom of the underworld turned him into the person he is now

[whateversawesome]

Chapter 93: Stellas, Tonitrus and Another Desmond

First of all, congratulations to our girl for getting another stella (her first academic achievement stella too!) Good for you, Anya!!

Anya also got a tonitrus bolt, but who cares about that 😆 Oh yeah, I know who does...

Congratulations also to Twilight for not losing it. Good for you, Twilight...you're learning how to be a good dad. Hey, did you notice he didn't even try to look at the results before time?

Look at that baby's face 💕 Positive reinforcement and encouragement work wonders! Still, I hope one day, Anya realizes her papa loves her no matter what.

It was one hell of a chapter, don't you think?

Let me get this out of the way: the more I know the people around Donovan Desmond, the less I like him. Even though we know very little about this man, it looks like his relationship with his family has destabilized his wife and son's mental health and general wellbeing.

So, here are my thoughts:

Demetrius

He looks like a kid who was pushed too hard to study and was taught nothing else. Yeah, he may be a stella-earning machine, but he lacks a balance, like the ability to communicate and understand other people. If anything, he seemed overwhelmed by a simple interaction with a some kids.

I'm guessing his classmates see him like an unapproachable person and he is probably a loner. He doesn't seem close to his brother either and I'm going to guess he's not close to Melinda. I suspect his dad "took him under his wing" since he was very young and made him that way.

Why couldn't Anya read his thoughts?

At the moment, I don't think he was experimented on. In my opinion, this boy's only thoughts are about studying, earning stellas, and not being able to understand people. All courtesy of...

Donovan Desmond

It looks like Donovan did spend a lot of time with Demetrius when he was young. The purpose is still not very clear to me, but this looks fishy. Either he sincerely wanted his son to do well in school or there was a reason Donovan Desmond wanted to be inside those imperial scholar social gatherings.

My gut tells me it's the second option. Why?...

I believe Donovan was Prime Minister or close to being Prime Minister back then. Why would a busy politician like him spend his time making sure his son did well in school? Something doesn't add up.

In the present, Donovan is basically a recluse and the only events he attends are those imperial scholar gatherings. If Desmond was a good dad, it would be understandable for him to support his son, even if he didn't participate in politics anymore. But that's the thing; Donovan Desmond is not a good, supportive dad. Demetrius said it himself: his dad is not in contact with him. Meaning, there must be an ulterior motive for him to attend to those social gatherings.

My guess is that he used his son. And since he already has access to those meetings, he doesn't need to communicate with his eldest son anymore or to have a relationship with his youngest either.

Talking about the youngest Desmond...

Damian

Damian and Anya had a rocky start, but as the story advances, it's obvious Damian is a sweet boy, who seems so...abandoned.

Damian is the kind of kid who thinks he has to earn his parents' love (especially his dad's). That's horrible. That love should be unconditional.

However, after meeting Melinda and now Demetrius, I can confidently say he's better off at school. Because of this, I'm thinking that it was Melinda the one who insisted on Damian staying at Eden.

Damian probably thought that in order for his dad to spend time with him, he needed to be like his brother, meaning a stella-earning machine. That's why those stellas are so important to him. And let me say that it's remarkable that Damian is earning stellas without any help from his parents or anyone else (like Demetrius in the past and Anya in the present.)

Now I see that part of his character arc could be for him to realize he doesn't have to be like his brother and he doesn't need his father's approval either.

Can you see the difference his friends make in Damian's life? His friends, including Anya, are helping become a different person than his brother. They're helping him realize he doesn't have to behave "like a Desmond" only, that it's okay to behave like a kid too.

Maybe that's why his mom wants him to be friends with Anya. She's a good influence on him.

It will be interesting to see if Damian's relationship with Demetrius changes over time. I would like to see that because Damian craves a relationship with his family. In my opinion, Melinda does love his youngest son (we don't know how she feels about Demetrius), but there's a reason why she won't go near him. At some point, we'll find out that reason.

Twilight and Anya

Just like Desmond, Twilight needs to get into those imperial scholar gatherings. That's why Anya needs to get those stellas. We could argue he's also using Anya like Donovan used Demetrius, but there are a few key differences:

1.Anya knows and is helping him willingly, because she knows her papa's purpose: to keep peace (and make a world where children don't have to cry).

2.The way Twilight encourages Anya earn those stellas. Yes, he makes her study (helps her too), like any parent would, but he also lets Anya be herself! Twilight wants Anya to have a balanced life, to have friends, to have fun, to play, to watch TV, to go on outings and even travel as a family.

He's not forcing her to study 24/7 so she turns into a stella-earning machine, because he knows there's more to life than stellas and good grades and because he wants the best for his child, over his mission (even when he's not ready to admit that).

3.This whole thing is transforming him. Unlike Desmond, Twilight is becoming more human. He no longer serves his own purpose (even if that purpose is for peace). Now, he's a father and has to put his daughter's wellbeing first.

Do you need proof?

Here, Twilight asked the question we've all been dying to ask.

As a spy, he would have pushed his daughter to remember her past so she would answer the question. But instead...

He realized those memories could be painful and didn't want his daughter to think about that, so he just tells her to forget about it...Why? Because Anya's past doesn't matter. Even when it could be advantageous for his mission, he chooses to let it go for his daughter's sake and because she already has a family with Yor, Bond, and him.

Donovan and Damian

I wonder if at some point Donovan Desmond will try to use Damian for his own purpose. If that happens, I'm sure Damian won't turn his dad down, he'll be happy his father finally acknowledges him and will be happy to spend time with him.

My gut has been screaming that Damian and Donovan are a foil of [Redacted] and his dad. And not only that...Remember when that awful man made Anya cry during the Eden Interview and Twilight lost it? I suspect the relationship between Damian and Donovan Desmond could be a big trigger for Mr. Spy.

Since most of the characters in SxF are morally gray, I suspect Donovan Desmond will be the same. Maybe he'll turn out to be a good leader who wants the best for his country and wants to prevent the war, but at the same time is an abusive husband and father.

Would Twilight be okay with that now that he is a father and a husband himself?

At some point, Twilight will probably have to choose between his family and his mission and Donovan Desmond is his mission...🤔

[fandom-madness69]

I'm a day late and a dollar short but what's new?!

We have GOT to talk about the REST of the Thrill Ride O' Love scene. Especially the animatics along the walls telling Hephaestus's story. Because as jarring of a song as What Is Love? was in that scene if fucking fit so well!

First we get the Shadow Hera! Larger than life. Big regal gown, tall adorning crown, Mother of the Gods of Olympus, Goddess of Marriage.

And we get her getting pregnant with Hephaestus! All the way down to his little baby blacksmithing tools :3

And then we see her throw Hephaestus off Mount. Olympus. As is told in his story.

But there's a thing that really caught my attention here. Because in the rest of the story we see him leave out not a single important character to his story! So where is his father? The big guy himself Zeus?

Unless! They're going with the versions of Hephaestus's story where Hera miraculously convinced Hephaestus. Because we've seen Rick switch up the Medusa story. And wow do we love him for it!

But that's not my only point! Circling back to the song and then later on to the story about how Hephaestus trapped Hera, his own fucking mother btw in case that flew over anyone's head like it did mine the first few times I watched ep. 5, and so the gods offered him Aphrodite's hand in marriage in exchange for Hera's freedom.

The whole rest of the time Hephaestus has painted himself the tragic dude in the story. Not necessarily the hero but definitely the victim. We see him get rejected by his mother. By Aphrodite for Ares, from the fucking BEGINGING, and then so on.

But what really fucking gets me is not only did he do this ride exactly like this as a trap for his wife and her lover BUT that he had no fucking clue they were there! He was willing to force Ares to sacrifice Aphrodite, his OWN FUCKING WIFE, over a shield and not think twice of it. He wouldn't have fucking known they were there because as we can clearly see by this counter

He clearly wasn't alerted to the presence of his wife and her love affair! Meaning they just fucking materialized in his amusement park, like gods do.

And the words of the song. Oh the words. "Baby don't hurt me no more?" How about you're the only one who has caused any harm since your mother tossed you off Olympus? And NO I AM NOT EXCUSING WHAT HERA DID! Don't even go there. That's for another time.

You repeatedly got rejected and bro I get it. That shit hurts. As a fellow Black Sheep of the Family™️ I fucking understand my dude. And I also completely understand how much gods don't fucking understand humans. And so it wasn't even a concept in his mind to do anything other than what his family had already done to him. Backstab, betray and barter.

But to have the audacity to beg the woman who didn't want anything to do with you, still doesn't, and was forced to wed you to save her mother, YOUR MOTHER, not to hurt YOU anymore! Sickening.

But he gets it. Now anyway. Or he's starting to. Because of Annabeth. Because she found a friend who is giving her unconditional love. Who isn't making her earn it despite having told her he would earn hers! And she's doing the same. She's falling apart and building herself back up all with this one (1) boy's help. And neither of them know it yet. But ohohohohoho they will soon.

And these few moments Hephaestus spent with Annabeth gave him the biggest vibe check of his fucking immortal life. "Maybe some of us don't want to be that way anymore either?"

Like Sir are you realizing that you TOO took things too far? Not even this time like you said Athena did, which btw she's always taken it too far just throwing this in here, but really? Are you getting it now? Did the twelve year olds fighting to sacrifice themselves despite everything fucking shake your world? Rock you to your very atoms? GOOD! You victim mentality, hero complex asshole.

[nutcasewithaknife]

Controversial take time! Wei Wuxian knew that his siblings always loved him, but believed that they were making a mistake in doing so.

(This got too long, it's is under the cut!)

Hear me out. I don't think that Wei Wuxian didn't know he was loved unconditionally. He knew!! For a whole year or so after the war, he was at Yunmeng doing less that the bare minimum to help rebuild, and his brother is mad about it. But he still tries to stand up for Wei Wuxian in front of the rest of Jianghu! The have the stupid soup conversation! Yanli goes off at Jin Zixun in front of half the Jianghu bigshots for insulting him, runs into a battlefield for him after he's killed her husband!! He's never truly afraid of meeting Jiang Cheng post-resurrection, not surprised at all at being asked why he didn't come home. He's just trying to avoid the inevitable mess of feelings that the meeting would entail. Afterall, when it came down to it, Jiang Cheng shut his eyes and stabbed a rock in the end, not him, not even after he'd killed their sister.

Now for the argument. Look, the sibling trio has some complex dynamics, but they survived that household on a mutual understanding that they love each other. That's why Wei Wuxian leaving is the point that casts everything into doubt - they have always been together, and that was an immutable fact until it suddenly wasn't. I don't thing Jiang Yanli or Jiang Cheng ever understood how much Wei Wuxian took their mother to heart - he truly believed any love he deserved was to be earned, because was was a servant. Unconditional love was for family only!

It hit me only while watching the best scene aka Yanli ripping into Jin Zixun at the hunt. She defends him, basically declares him as part of her family, and Wei Wuxian? He's watching his sister having to defend him when it should be the other way round, getting flak for sticking up for him too. He's in agonies the entire time! He's not even happy about jzx getting verbally eviscerated in public!

Most obvious between Sunshot and leaving with the Wens, there's a pattern. Wei Wuxian may not be stepping in as First Disciple to rebuild, but he's still useful - nobody will dare harm the Yunmeng Jiang while he is part of it and holds the power of the Stygian Tiger Amulet. And then, slowly but surely, he sees his brother and and sister standing up for him, deescalating political situations caused by others vying for the very power he possessed and wanted to use to protect the sect. It was actually harming them, in a way that couldn't be solved by its brute force. He is the opposite of useful, now - he's the root of a brewing threat to the sect. This is a huge part of why he leaves! He's pushing away the people he can no longer help but only harm, and he's going to those who he can still be useful to.

Yes, it's about keeping them safe because he loves them, and about protecting lives, but also because he thinks his brother and sister had it wrong all along - they saw him as family when he was just a servant, and therefore acceptable as collateral damage. He cannot allow them to protect him, because that's his job even if they refuse to acknowledge that, isn't it? He left because he thought he was useless, a danger, he didn't deserve their love after they had to defend him at the cost of harm to the sect and themselves. It really fits into his habit of deciding for others once he's made up his mind, doesn't it?

The crux of it is, I think, that he eventually learns that he can have a family. That's why Lan Wangji is important. He doesn't have a fragile, struggling sect of people to protect above everything else, unlike Jiang Cheng. He doesn't die while trying to stick to Wei Wuxian's side, unlike Yanli. He doesn't die for Wei Wuxian either, like Wen Qing. Lan Wangji is able to stay by his side and survives it long enough for him to realise that maybe, just maybe, having him as family is worth breaking rules for, and won't get people killed by default.

[the-wayside]

I refuse to feel bad for Way. Intent matters.

Babe and Charlie have their kink, but Charlie's intent is never to imprison Babe in his worst nightmare. The show doesn't really delve into how much he does not want to have a bio family. He just likes to be kinky with his boyfriend (tbh is it even kinky?). Side note: they were Daddy (Charlie) and Papa (Babe) in the novel, which I think works better.

Charlie's intent when he lied was to save someone from that worse fate. He didn't even factor in that he could fall in love with Babe. Kinda like the same way Babe glomped onto him emotionally, Charlie did the same. They fell for each other because they needed each other. They needed that unconditional love.

Way, always in the back of his head, was trying to change Babe. Make Babe more what he idolized him and them to be. Even knowing Babe for 10 years he still didn't change his mind and that's why even without the rest he isn't forgiven.

To be extra novel spoiler safe.

And why Babe's reaction to his death is so meaningful. He hates him and he will only ever be allowed to hate him. Babe is so angry at him and even at how he died trying to make amends even a little bit. Babe, that stupid soft boy, given enough time, might have thawed a little. Had Way moved on. Had Babe gotten to live the life he wanted.

But now, Way is forever immortalized in Babe's anger. Deserved.

Way confused love with ownership and sacrifice with redemption. I'm really interested to see how this develops as they go offscript because I wonder how much Pete can affect change in Way. To allow the path for redemption.

Way doesn't deserve it. But I'm curious to see if he can earn it anyway.

[emblazons]

you've been writing a lot about parentified Mike lately, and while I appreciate it, from a story perspective I just don't understand why.

Maybe its just because I'm an elmike truther, but it really doesn't make sense to me why they would put such an unpleasant aspect into their friendship or romance when they could have just had her upset at him over Max's death or not sharing interests? With steve and nancy they broke up over barb and nancy wanting something else which made of sense without making steve "parent" her. idk. Maybe you're the wrong person to ask lol I'm just thinking out loud

I mean. Maybe I'm not the best person to give insight into why the duffers do what they do, but I can give why I think they did it?

Forewarning: this got really long, apologies lmao

Honestly (and take this from an out-of-universe perspective): I think they're fully aware of the strangeness of El as a character, and how she has a lot of narrative/personal "growth needs" that other characters don't just by nature of her background. She even from the pitch is referred to as "the outsider," and all of her arc, not just the romantic one, has been centered around finding a 'home' in the world, on top of finding the family she lacked before.

This, I'm almost certain, is why she always ends up on different paths than every other person she interacts with—she started with almost no sense of self as an individual, which means a sense of "self" has to be built and discovered (and remembered) for El in a way it already has been for our other characters. Max, Mike, Will, Dustin, Lucas—all of them have interests and desires, a sense of family (good or bad), know what they enjoy, and are evolving as they go along...but El didn't at the start of ST beyond lab trauma, which is why The Duffers have centered almost all of her character growth since then around discovering where she came from & who she wants to be.

With Mike though...there is an entirely different set of relational and character needs that have to be addressed. With Mike, the main struggles he has (from the pitch, again) are with insecurity, his belief that a girl will resolve that insecurity, his feeling valueless unless he can do something for the people he loves (almost like 'earning his place' in their lives) and his (almost certain) queerness...combined with how he is, at the end of the day, just another "everyman" guy.

Unlike El, Mike has some sense of personhood, his own established friends and interests and a home—but he doesn't feel like he has a place he's intrinsically appreciated, because (for whatever reason) he feels who he is inherently inadequate. Its why every season (and every time we hear Finn dig a little into Mike's character) we hear about Mike trying to serve others and "feel needed again," despite being hesitant to let them in—he desires unconditional acceptance, and to be valued for who he is inherently...while also being terrified to let people in enough to see him (lest his core identity be rejected).

When Mike and El were just friends, it was easier to sort them out as some version of "equals;" we all have friends who are in different life phases than us, or who have different needs we're trying to walk alongside as they try to meet them, which is why their friendship is cute in S1. With actual romantic partners though, we introduce an element of "trying to get your needs met" with the person you're most closely involved with...and for Mike and El, that means blending "a nebulous sense of self and desire to find an identity + family" with "a desire to have a girl fill a sense of inherent unworthiness," which, as most of us can see, leads to disaster.

Basically: From the snowball onward, writing romantic mlvn meant exploring what happens when you mix what El is looking for with what Mike tries to do to feel valued...and The Duffers have decided (rightfully, I think) that this means Mike is going to (consciously or not) move towards becoming the things El lacks to "become valuable," aka: protection from the "bad men," someone who is able to keep her safe from them, and...someone who can help her fill her needs for home + family, even though he is dramatically under-equipped at all of 12-15 to meet that task.

Because (especially s4) one of El's core needs has become a healthy father figure and found family, Mike is going to move toward behaving that way to be valuable...which means he's going to inadvertently conflate himself with the men who have also placed themselves in that role: Hopper and Brenner. It also means that Mike is going to feel that same "my child is leaving the nest" energy when El "grows up" and into herself as a wholly independent entity—which is why we see him say as much to Will in the van before the painting—

—and why it sometimes seems like El is almost "rebelling" against Mike as much as she has Hopper and Brenner over the seasons.

To your point though: all of this is inherently different from Steve and Nancy...because both Steve and Nancy had that sense of individual identity that El lacked at the start of the show. There was no space for a "parental" aspect to enter their romance in that sense—it was just two people who were incompatible, which is why they failed. Similarly, if Mike and El would have started the romantic part of their relationship at end of S4 points of the narrative—or even end of S3, after El had a second to come into her own with Max—things would have been a lot different for them, I think.

Only...that's not what happened, and...not how they're resolving Mike's insecurity about being inherently valuable. They broke Mike and El down romantically vis a vis this "she's looking for herself and he's trying to fill his own void with her" track, and then gave Will the entirety of the hand to soothe Mike's deepest fears instead, which is why Mike and El will break up and Mike will end up with and around Will more, because Will knows Mike’s heart and sees Mike as an equal even with his flaws...and loves him for it. 🤷🏽‍♀️

(There are also (in my opinion) fundamental thematic reasons they were working toward as reason why they wrote even the breakdown of mlvn that way (the themes of rejecting forced conformity, found family, and even embracing your love for things other people might think are childish are served by this "version" of the Mlvn to Byler transition) but. I can see why someone wouldn't like it if they were attached to Mike and El being close anyway lmao).

Anyway! I hope...that helps? Honestly that's just how I've come to understand it, and hope that offers some sort of solace or explanation. Its what makes the most sense to me anyway (lol).

Regardless, thanks for the ask! :)

[acacia-may]

Acacia's Definitive Defense of Langris x Finesse

No one asked about this pairing, but I'm going to ramble about them anyway... especially since I realized I don't think I've ever actually written a proper post about them as this has been sitting in my drafts for over a year (A/N: Yikes! Sorry friends. I completely forgot I wrote this until today when I tried to find that post I was absolutely certain I had made about Langris x Finesse only to find it buried in my unposted drafts 😅🙈 But I'm posting it now to coincide with the ship ask game so it kind of works...? Maybe? I have no excuses...).

Anyways, dear goodness do I have thoughts about this ship. I’m not sure I can even wrangle them all, but I am going to try my best.

I’m sure it’s pretty clear from my blog that I have a deep love for my spatial mage boys and want good things for them which is one of the main reasons why I have a lot of concerns about the whole House Vaude soap opera. A friend of mine (irl) and I once discussed that plotline for literally 6 hours so I could go on and on about this for ages, but I have tried my best to be brief. That didn't really happen so I apologize in advance for all of the rambling.

I've tried to keep the focus of this post on Langris and Finesse's relationship, so please check out this post if you want to hear my many thoughts on the House Vaude succession drama as whole and in general. To keep things organized, I've divided this discussion into 2 main subsections for clarity under the cut!

(Warnings: Black Clover spoilers and discussion of some heavier topics such as childhood trauma and abuse. Arranged marriage is also mentioned)

Why I Think Langris and Finesse Genuinely Love Each Other (not necessarily in a romantic way but definitely in a selfless care and concern kind of way)

One of my most basic premises for my personal interpretation of Langris' character really comes down to the fact that I think what Langris actually wants more than anything else is unconditional love and to be accepted for who he is (rather than what he does/his accomplishments). He wants to have people who love him, a family—but he'd never admit this because he is convinced he'll never get it. He is convinced that love needs to be earned and he can't earn it, and his relationship with Lady Finesse is a perfect example of this, I think.

It hurts Langris that she is just the kindest person ever and she doesn't like/love him (or such is the reality in Langris' mind anyway given the fact that he has carried around that one time she complimented Finral as "she hates me" for literal years in the canon. But I digress). Langris doesn't like games he can't see a possibility of winning. He closes himself off from love and building meaningful relationships because he doesn't think he'll "win" people's love in the end. He's very cynical and jaded in this way, but more than that, he's wounded. It comes from a place of being denied love without strings attached, without conditions for his entire life and of being told his by his parents that love has to be earned and being convinced that he can't earn it, that nothing he does will ever be good enough and that he will never deserve the love he so desperately craves. And in that way, it comes from a fear of being hurt and rejected. When you care about someone, you give them the power to hurt you—and Langris doesn't want that kind of vulnerability. So I think he just completely counts himself out of the running when it comes to Finesse and defers to his brother—assuming (probably correctly) that she’d choose Finral if she was given a choice between the two of them.

All of that said, he can't quite stop himself from caring for her with a genuine love and respect (not necessarily in a romantic sense but he does care for her)—it’s just sealed off somewhere and not something he really thinks about or allows himself to feel (let alone label) until his brother "declaring war" on him brings all of that to the surface and he kind of has to reconcile how much he wants to be the Head of House Vaude (what he’s worked for his entire life) with how much he wants Lady Finesse to be happy. I love how in that scene there is actually a moment (at least in the anime) in which "the camera" turns and we're watching the scene unfold from Langris' eyes/perspective immediately before he gets involved and tells Finral to clean up his act.

(A/N: If you listen very carefully you can hear the sound of Langris' entire world falling apart...)

Okay, bad jokes aside, this is a huge moment for Langris. It takes him all of five seconds to decide that Lady Finesse's happiness is far more important to him than House Vaude, than his title, his future, his own dreams and aspirations that he has worked for literally his entire life and, ultimately, is more important than everything he has looked to for his own self-worth and fulfillment up unto that point (which causes him to have a bit of an existential crisis as he tries to figure out who he is without those things, without being the next Head of House Vaude, but I digress again). It is an incredible act of love to set aside what someone wants for themselves in order to make another person happy—to choose what is best for another person even at great personal sacrifice. Regardless of how you want to qualify that love (romantic or platonic), it does not diminish the gravity of Langris' sacrifice and the willingness he shows to choose Finesse's happiness over the things that are (seemingly) the most important to him in the world.

Up until this point, Langris is this incredibly goal-oriented character who is set on becoming the best, the strongest, and eventually the head of House Vaude which comes off as self-interested and a little ruthless in his willingness to do whatever it takes to achieve his goals, but suddenly, here he is, ready to give all of that up so that Lady Finesse can have the chance to be happy. It's almost like he is saying (honestly, far louder and clearer than any words possibly could), "I love you more than all of that."

Why else would he be helping his brother take over as heir to House Vaude when that actually seems to be something Langris wants for himself? (I know the poll I ran examined some different ideas and interpretations but that's always been my personal take on it). It’s almost like in that moment, Langris has realized that he can’t make Lady Finesse happy (even if he wants to), but he thinks that Finral can so he wants to make Finral into the best he can be for her.

Once Langris is reasonably sure that Finral is at a place that he can make Finesse happy and has become a man "worthy of her," I could definitely see him stepping aside so that his brother could take over their House and marry her—purely out of concern for Finesse’s happiness, and there is something incredibly selfless and very beautiful about that.

I think Finesse's side of things is much more practical. The fact of the matter is that Finesse is royalty in a medieval society where she will inevitably be married off for a political alliance and/or to produce children, and she has probably always known that she needs to marry out of duty/responsibility, so I can’t really see her as that much of a hopeless romantic given the circumstances. If she allows herself anything, it is the hope that she will get to spend her life with someone who does care for her and who she can be content with. I don't think throughout most of Finesse's life and certainly not throughout this whole arranged marriage business that anyone has ever really asked her what she wanted or ever really cared about her wishes before, but Langris seems to have a genuine interest in her wishes and her happiness more so than anyone else. And I think she does care for him (again, not necessarily in a romantic way but it is a genuine care and concern of at least friendship).

As I discussed in this post, when Langris has all that elf-business and the King threatens to dissolve the betrothal and punish the Vaudes, it is Finesse who comes to their defense rather than taking what is quite possibly her only chance at an "out." And it is an informed, free choice on her part. I love her line in the English dub that she "knows Lord Langris and has no misgivings about him" and therefore essentially begs her uncle not to "judge him too harshly." I think there is something very strong and very courageous in her decision to believe in the good in Langris even when he is at his worst, and her concern is truly and completely focused on what is best for him. I'm especially thinking of that moment when she begs him to stop before he does something he will regret. She's worried about him: his hurt and his guilt. She really wants what's best for him, and it's this love for him and this belief in him that really brings out the best in Langris.

My absolute favorite thing about this ship (besides how selfless they are towards each other) is really that Finesse has this way of bringing out this softer, gentler side of Langris that, I think, very few people have actually seen. Langris himself is so insistent on hiding this (probably a learned response from growing up in an environment where any hint of emotion and any sensitivity is viewed as a weakness), but really he has such a deep capacity for love and given the opportunity would be fiercely loyal.

Langris may not care about a lot of people, but the ones he chooses to care about he will love forever. He's just such a tsun about it, I think, so it can be very hard for anyone (and especially for those with preconceived notions of him as a snotty stick-in-the-mud) to see that he's really very sweet and awkward as heck about his feelings. Langris' love might be quiet—it's not very flashy and usually shows itself in doing little, everyday things for the people he loves—but still waters run very, very deep and he has shown that he would do just about anything to protect the people he loves most and make them happy, no matter what that means for himself. I have absolutely no doubt in my mind that he would die for Finesse if it came down to it.

Ultimately, I can imagine a lot of different outcomes for this relationship (some of which never, ever cross over into that romantic place). I really just want them both to be happy whether that means they end up together or not, but yes, I could see them happy with each other in a romantic sense under very specific circumstances since they do have such a selfless love for each other (but I think that is probably a discussion for another time because this is already super, super long so I'm cutting myself off in favor of the next section...).

Why I personally think Langris rather than Finral is better suited for Finesse

As much I don't like pitting ships against each other, I don't think it's avoidable in this case since she is going to be in arranged marriage with one of them. To paraphrase a favorite musical of mine, it's not a matter of "if" but which one. And I think it's best for me to just start off by saying that while I do genuinely like and appreciate Finesse and Finral as a ship as well, I personally think that Langris and Finesse are better suited for one another in the long term.

I will admit upfront that this is in part because of my own personal experiences of having a chronic illness (and needless to say that is a personal bias that colors my opinions, so please just keep that in mind), but I think it's important to talk about the fact that Finesse is chronically ill because it's not something I've ever really seen discussed when talking about ships for her and I really think it should be taken into account. Like Finesse, I have been sick for most of my life, and I can really relate to the kind of difficulties and limitations that Finesse likely experiences due to being chronically ill and the realities of the less active and much more slower-paced life she would lead and, by proxy, the life anyone who married her would have to lead. Again, I am not saying that I don’t like or couldn’t imagine her & Finral together (I do genuinely like that ship too), but I almost think Langris is better suited for her in that he actually wants (or seems to want) the slower-paced life they’d probably have together. For instance, there are likely to be frequent situations that would arise in which Finesse is too ill or too tired to go out and her husband would then be “forced” to stay home with her. With Langris, I think, there would never really need to be much of that feeling of guilt on Finesse’s part or the fear that she is taking away something from Langris or being a burden, because Langris isn’t super sociable and would just want to stay home anyway. In fact, let’s be honest here, he’d probably, actually feel kind of relieved that he has gotten out of unwanted socializing. Whereas Finral is a much more lively and sociable person (rather than an "old soul" like Langris), and though Finral would never, ever want Finesse to feel like a burden or to feel guilty about being sick, I could imagine there is more of that feeling (at least from Finesse’s side) that he has given up a lot more to be with her since his active social life would drastically change as soon as they married.

There's also the matter of the panic Finral would probably have whenever Finesse was ill or having a flare of symptoms. Of course, Langris would be worried as well, but I think because of his personality, he is better able to shelve that and help in a crisis rather than Finral who gets really worked up and then just sort of shuts down. Obviously this is something that can be learned over time, but I just worry that it would be a constant source of stress for Finral which would ultimately make Finesse very worried about him and upset that he is upset on her account. I think Finesse would have a lot of fear that the life she could give a lively, busy, & social person like Finral would be holding him back in some way. The question there is really: will what Finral wants out of life ever gel with the limitations Finesse has to live with? Whereas I don't think that question is as much of an issue with Langris since he is an old soul and incredibly steady, very unlike his more restless, adventurous, and high-energy brother.

I think Langris and Finesse are alike in this way. Though they have many differences in their personalities (and a really nice balance there), they have a lot of similarities in worldview and their attitudes towards life and their life goals—being more traditional, formal, and proper ‘old souls.' Whereas I think she and Finral have more similarities in personality (despite him being much more lively), they’re both incredibly kind, gentle & easy-going people who aren’t particularly ambitious and often make decisions based on what will make other people happy and "keep the peace." But worldview wise he seems much more modern and less traditional than her which I could see causing some tensions since I think they want different things out of life, in a way. It’s almost more important to be alike in life goals/worldview than personality, I think.

I also think Finesse and Langris share common interests and genuinely enjoy each other's company (as we get these glimpses of in the anime where they're just having a quiet, comfortable tea parties together for instance). Even if it started off as an obligation to spend time together because of this arranged marriage they were going to be in, I like to think that eventually Langris and Finesse actually became fairly good friends and came to genuinely enjoy each other's company. I guess it’s a bit unfair to Finral to bring this up since we haven’t seen him spend a lot of time with Finesse so we can't say that they don’t enjoy each other’s company but I just don’t see them having the same shared interests that she would have with Langris.

There is a lot more I could say about these two and their relationship, but I think that's enough ramblings for now. If you read this all the way through to the end, bless you. Thank you for coming to my TED Talk. Cheers!! 💖

[midnight1404]

For the ask game! Taliya🍼🍨🌹🍒🌶️🧅🏵️🥞🍹🍰🍏🥒🥦🌲🍾🍃🌱🌸💮🌷🍧🍇 🍩🎂🥔

Tw: references to different types of child abuse.

🍼 What's your OC's first memory?

Taliya just have fragments from that moment but she remembers one time she was held by her Daddy when she was only maybe some months or a year old. She doesn't remember where they were or if they were alone but she still remembering the feel of his calloused hand playing softly with her yet naked kuru while she was inmobile in his armd, not doing tsaheylu but yes teasing the pink tendrils to make them dance in the air, stare completely lost in them, only stopping when Papa screamed.

🍨How does your OC compose themselves in stressful situations?

Well, Taliya yet in The Offspring is very young so she still keeping the charateristic emotion explosion that kids often have to things that they cant understand or doesnt have the emotional tools to process stress but as consequence of the enviroment she's growing (constant loneliness and isolation, scolds or punishment for being "over emotional", just having a place where she can comfortably cry (Lo'ak) and adults that are unpredictable) she is developing the Jake Sully's clasic tactic, supress her emotions the best she can and do like nothing bad is happening until it exploits in her face :D.

🌹 Does your OC believe in true love? Why?

At this point of her life and in the future, and the reasons are not so different, but yes the way of love.

Kid!Taliya learned all her beliefs about love from Daddy (Papá never liked talk so much about that topic), and he always told her about how the most unconditional love she would ever have would be within her family, how all apple falls close the tree and everyone always will end going back to their roots like it or not. In his worst times, Rjake would say to her that love have to be earned, in the best ones, he just would say that nothing would be capable of separate them. While Lo'ak would just say even the years pass is "Loving you is what saved me."

I can't explain a lot of details bc it would a lot of spoilers for the second part of the "I'm you and you're me" series but Taliya passing time along with Vaykay and learning about her is enough to make her understand that love is the real reason why she exists in first place and why she's still alive.

🍒 Who's your OC's perfect companion?

This is hard one bc this silly girl has more of one companion but i will go for maybe his main companion in The Offspring that will be Walker, the science nerd that is an Grace's fan in secret (or that is what he thinks) but also is a little bit out of his mimd when he gets to excited about his projects, forgetting sometimes about ethics in his work.

The crazy antisocial doctor and her little (not so little taking account she's a navi) assistant💙.

🌶️ Who would your OC declare their sworn enemy if they could meet them?

Quaritch. There is not other answer. As grandaughter like Grandmother, Quaritch is that bitch in their lives that also shares the same feeling. (Rjake gets a free pass bc daddy issues and trauma bonding)

🧅 What is surefire to make your OC cry? Who knows this information?

Separate her from Lo'ak permantenly or leave her in a dark silent room alone for hours. The former one is basically known by everyone who knows her, is easy to guess how Lo'ak is everything she takes for granted and safe in her little world, the only person that would not abruptly change of humour or stop of love her if she does something wrong while the latter is basically one of the extreme punisments Rjake does to her when she doesnt behave or is a bad girl, sometimes locking her in a closet or bathroom until he thinks she learned the lesson. (Bc he is insane and a militar Dad)

🏵️ What flower symbolises your OC best and why? What does the flower mean in floriography?

Sunflowers, because they reminds me to the sun and Taliya loves the sun (and she's sunlight also tbh)

I had to search in Google but sunflowers mean loyalty, happiness, longevity and good fortune :3

🥞 What's the most your OC can eat in one sitting? At what point do they get sick?

Potatoes, she loves potatoes but especially fries, tho sadly, she has a picky stomach and if she eats more of one plate her belly starts to ache like hell xd

🍹 If your OC could go anywhere, where would be?

In The Offspring!universe she would enjoy be anywhere but in the Rda intallations where she can feel the grass but in an Earth!au her kid version would love to visit japan (i hc she would be one of the kids obsessed with pokemon causing her to have her anime phase xd) but teen!Taliya thinks often in Argentina thanks to Spider's (and her creator) influence.

🍰 How does your OC changes as you get to know them?

Pretty much tbh, especially im her way of handle problems and how she acts with the people around her (especially adults) and she does along the war increases in speed and cruelty and she is forced to deal with it in the less delicate way (if there is a delicate way in war tbf), more forced to deal with the most uncomfortable familiar meetings in ever exist, and get used to be a therapist for the old murderous women in her life :3

🍏 How do they differ from the norm and how they are punished for it?

To be fair with her, is not so difficult differ from the norm when the norm is something so strict like be the perfect doll-daughter growing in a military base with an human identity that is built in half-truths and straight lies. I think they differ the most for her curiosity, and her instinct to know things and be smart than the rest, something put her in bad situations with her Dad due to be dishonest with him and Uncle Q's presence just make the tension worse.

Well, the punishment i think already said it in the 🧅 ask but the punishment is basically psicology torture like that or sometimes when Rjake is in an serius agressive-religious mode is made her kneel in front of a closet or wall and made her pray as he uses his belt as whip on her legs, asscheeks or back.

🥒 How innocent are they?

In this part of her life, very much or atleast her incapacity of process heavy information as a six year old without hurt her makes her very naive to her current situation, like she sees what is happening atp but her brain cant give her the right answer yet.

🥦 What do they hate about their species?

She is very confused what species she belongs to at this moment and the thing doesnt get better in the future neither but for now we can day she thinks herself as human/avatar.

She hates how cold they are, she hates how mean they can be with her or the animals subjects in the clonation laboratory. She hates how they dont take her seriously or careabout her at all for be a kid. She learned an specific hate to nurses, alway injecting her hormones to help with her growing problems without caring if she feels pain or not, she hates how they dont like her company, she hates they way they look at her.

🌲What does your OC's dream treehouse looks like? What tree is built upon?

Tbh, her dream treehouse is basically one that could grown from a fallen Samson and make with it a little room where there is something known for her as part of home (the metal, the technology from the Samson) but also something that fascinantes her deeply (a big green tree with it's flowers and mud)

🍾 How does your OC celebrates special occasions? With whom?

It all depends of Daddy, Uncles and Aunts and if they feel with the mood to celebrate a human holiday or birthday (yes almost always).

Excepting from her birthday (where they mostly are her parents+spider if Q lets him in a short little celebration with a white cake fill of dulce de leche but there are always gifts from all the squad(rjake forced them)), the majority of time she is not allowed being part of thr celebration, being locked in her shared room with Papa to watch her favorites cartoons (How to train your dragon, Spirit, Arnold, etc) until she falls asleep. Papa always seems with problems to walk the next morning.

🍃 What's the darkest period of time that your OC has been gone trough?

Offspring!Spoilers.

No matter in what way happened the separation from Lo'ak or Rjake (by death or distance) and the RDA will be always the hardest for her. Not only bc they are the only thing she knows, but also when she is out of the RDA and is forced to see everything she knew being dragged to the ground and show her what is happening around and outside her and is too much, overwhelming, lonely and scary as fuck from someone that young, especially realizing with time as she has other paternal/maternal figures how wrong were the things there plus that she is now safe but Papá and Spider still there and the image of rjake falling and falling but her love for him still there with just a drops of poison mixed there.

🌱 What news loves/hates is your OC discovering?

She will start to hate obey orders and love science, especially biology (100% Walker's fault but rjake is delighted with it bc it reminds him to Tommy so there are not complaints)

🌸Does your OC believe in legends/myths?

Yes, she completely does, and it will show a lot in her interactions with Vaykay, who instead of give her information about Jake will only say Navi/tupani lore on purpose xd

💮Has your OC ever kissed someone? Who, where and when?

She does at her 15-18, i didnt decided with who yet but So'lek and Teylan are the strongest options, in the western front resistance and at the moment she asks to them to be their mate (I know is so cliche but i need to give my sweet girl her happy ending somehow xd)

🌷What is your OC's favorite flower and colour?

As she said in the offspring's introduction, she doesnt know what flowers are TuT but her favorite colour will always be red.

🍧 What's your OC favorite flavour of edible thing?

Watermelon 100%🍉 she loves everything with that flavour even if Daddy says she has bad taste.

🍇What's the circle of people like? What dynamic they would be called?

In The Offspring her circle are basically the recoms so they dynamic is literally: Pretty trophy high price doll that is also a daughter-Pupeteer(daddy) and first-class viewers of the show.

I cant say a lot of the next circle of ppl she would be part of but is mostly: group of freaks and traumatized people and kids (in a way this is just sully's description but these are not the sully who im refering to this time xd)

🍩What is your OC's biggest flaw? Do they deal with it?

Big spoilers!!

She with time developes due to rjake's suicide to save her+the adults around her using her as the voice of reason of their problems+daddy issues the trait of "I can fix him/her" not matter who, she will try of help them to open themselves and often she ends having some feelings for that people even if they never change for better.

She is not dealing with it, rather, her attraction to So'lek and Teylan is heavily related and influenced to this flaw xd.

🎂How does your OC celebrates her birthday? With who, and where?

Spoilers maybe!! And also insane amount of fluff sorry xd

Post her six years, she starts to celebrate them with the Tupani and in the first birthday with them, since they were aware of she feeling lost, unwelcome, alone, underserved of be there (basically, guilt and depression), the tupani instead of made a small celebration during dinner along give the gift they normally do. They asked for help to Walker (you will know later why he is also there) of how birthdays are made by the sky ppl.

So, the night of her seventh birthday she had a little cake of mud made by the other village's kids (obviously the adults dont let them eat it even if they tried) as they tried to sing her in an awful english accent the fucking birthday's song. And more of one handmade gift (her favorites were Vaykay's obsidian knife and Walker's Pandora's plants encyclopledia by Grace Augustine).

🥔 What do they have others see as a flaw, but they don't care about?

Spoilers!

Her extreme kindness to anyone and how she decided to forgives Rjake for everything he did just because she still loves him for be her father even if she also hates him for the damage she and her Papa still living with years after his death. But she cant help it either, her Dad is a ghost about what could have been if rjake decided to live and change for her. She thinks he is a cowrd for kill himself, evade responsability, evade the pain, but she also loves him bc even if he chose the easy way of end the things on purpose, he did it for her.

(Im not saying sucide is for cowards or something like that, but Taliya talks about it bc rjake killed himself bc he preffered death that admit he was wrong but also he didnt want be the cause of his daughter's death)

[thigholstercas]

🌼 You and I won't part 'til 🌼

For my #thigholstercas1k follower milestone party Prompt: Heart-to-heart 800 words or something

The name is a phrase from a song. Originally it goes “You and I won’t part ‘til we die” but Dean and Cas won’t be separated by death, even when we all die, their story will live. So, I removed that and left it incomplete.

Dean hadn’t talked to Cas since they returned from The Empty. Looking at him hurt. Cas looked at him lovingly and Dean, as much as he craved for it, didn’t understand it, not really. Who could still love him after everything? Who could still look at him that way, when he didn’t say it back? Was it even real?

He would have to face it though. No matter how much it hurt to see Cas looking at him, knowing how he feels, knowing he didn’t say I love you back, because of course he loves him back, he’d rather feel this way than not be around Cas. It had been a day and a half. He missed him. Far away is the time when he could live without Cas. He’d follow him to death now.

He finds Cas in the kitchen. He knows him so well by now; how he likes to wake up early to take his time making his special coffee with honey, how he’s quiet to not wake them up, and how he always reads the same book while he waits for morning to come. Dean knows Cas is finished because he is standing by the sink; he must’ve washed his cup already.

Dean didn’t know how to start, he should’ve thought this through. But before his body caught up with his brain, he crashed into him, almost knocking him down, clinging to Cas as if his life depended on it. It probably did.

Cas was shocked beyond measure, so it took him a while to react. Once he understood he clasped him so tightly, Dean was sure they would become one person, well, angel person or whatever.

Dean held Cas as tight as he could like he was gonna slip away again. He breathed him in, again and again, terrified, memorizing Cas’ shape, the way he could almost feel his wings, how close to ethereal everything felt all of the sudden.

"Dean…" Cas started, because he knew there was something hanging between them.

"You said we're real." Dean interrupted abruptly before Cas could say whatever he wanted to say. "Do you still believe that?" Dean was sure he said it so softly that not even Cas with his angelic ear could hear.

He did, though.

He always does.

"Dean. You are the only thing I have always been certain is real." Awe was not a stranger to Cas, and yet he'd claim he didn’t know what he was feeling, with Dean in his arms, trembling. Vulnerable. Their hearts felt as one, somehow.

"You mean it?" How could Dean be certain, no one has ever loved him just because. No buts, just pure and unconditional love. And he’s still scared Cas doesn't either, which is why he was still hidden in Cas' neck. Breathing in and out as to consume Cas. Maybe that way, no matter what happens he would stay with him.

"Of course, Dean", it sounded so simple, of course, as if he was not feeling everything around him collapsing with the knowledge that Cas loved him and he meant it. “There is nothing I’ve ever meant more in my eons of life, than this. We were not meant to be, Dean. We made it real.”

He still does.

Dean feels safe all of the sudden. Yes, this was the scariest shit ever. To be loved like that. To know there was something that mattered so much it would tear you apart even more to lose it. But Cas was right. After everything, they were real. Their family was real. They made it happen. And being afraid was not going to keep him away from an ounce of the happiness he had earned.

Dean stopped holding to Cas and looked at him. Really looked at him, trying to pour the same amount of love Cas did when looking at him.

“Heart-to-hearts are not my thing buddy, I hope you know it by now. But, um, I believe you. And it scares the shit out of me, but I, I love you too. I think I’ve always known or hoped we were real, too,” Dean felt free. And Cas wanted so badly to love Dean this way, free.

“In the movies you watch with Jack, I believe this is where there’s a kiss, Dean.”

They didn’t know it yet, or maybe they did, but they were gonna be okay.

“Jack is the one who plays those, I’m just occasionally there. And -” He couldn’t finish because Cas kissed him shut. It was a chaste kiss, but Dean would be lying if said he didn't want more.

“Yeah, I could get used to this,” Dean smiled. It was settled, he was going to spend his entire existence kissing Cas. Not even death would stop him this time.

[artemisia-black]

Hi!

How are you?

You write about the Black Family, so I imagine you have already been asked about that, but: what it is about them that attracts your interest the most, you would say? Like, I've started Pietas not so long ago and I found your writing of those these families to be very interesting and nuanced. It's like... well, they might not be good people, but they are still human, I guess? (I felt like saying they aren't completely bad but I don't know. Would you say that?) It's really amazing how you do that. You give these characters a sort of humanity. You let them be complex. Was it important for you to write them like that? Why do you think that's important, and what attracts you to that type of characterization of them? You know they aren't always portrayed with any nuance. Also, in that note, would you say the Blacks are abusive in any way? If so, in what sense? How do you interpret that?

Hi anon, thanks for reading my Horcrux (which is my nickname for Pietas) and for sending an ask.

To answer your questions:

I enjoy writing the Blacks because they feel like a family that fell out of an Opera/gothic novel. A doomed, aristocratic family who are plagued by generational trauma, and they remind me of my family.

I wanted to portray them with nuance because oftentimes the people who hurt us most in life aren't cartoon villains, they are people who think/ claim they love us or people whose own wounds bleed onto us. Someone can believe what they are doing/how they are parenting is for the best, yet they can inflict real damage on others.

Yes I do think the version of the Blacks in Pietas are abusive. They don't respect or even acknowledge either of their son's personhood and for both brothers this manifests differently (and they both react to it differently).

In Sirius's case he has been shown that when he steps outside of what his parent's deem to be acceptable behaviour, they withdraw what little affection and praise they previously offered him. I'm not sure what chapter you're on so I won't completely spoil for you, but there is a moment in the story where Sirius finds himself looking at Leone and Aeliana interacting:

"His thoughts spun wildly as he took a moment of solace, because fulfilling his duty would mean that Regulus would stop hating him. That perhaps being the perfect scion, however suffocating, might make his parents look at him with pride once more. That maybe he would be his mother’s son again instead of her biggest disappointment. A brief image of her lovingly stroking his hair flashed across his mind as dizziness overtook him..." Chapter 6

In the story Sirius longs to be his own person, but still deeply craves his parent's unconditional love.

In Regulus's case, he conforms to his family's wishes unequivocally and yet it still doesn't earn his parents love. He is often overlooked for Sirius and Orion and Arcturus steamroll over his career ambitions (indeed Orion doesn't even ask him what he wants to do instead he is told what they want him to do). This leads to him being deeply jealous of Sirius while also wanting to be close to him and is best shown by this exchange:

Regulus laughed, the disdainful, humourless sound clanging through Sirius’s head. ‘You are quite something. ‘

‘What does that mean?’ Sirius demanded, tearing away and pacing the room.

Regulus arched his brow, ‘It means that all they ask is for you to fulfil your duty and honour our name.’

Regulus’s face turned slightly red as he continued, ‘But that seems to be too great a demand for you. You humiliate the family at every turn, running around with filth and blood traitors.’

He paused and reminded Sirius forcefully of Orion.

‘Yet despite that, here Father and I are, having to ensure you behave yourself while you are.’

Regulus paused once more, controlling the volume of his voice. as it had been steadily rising.

‘Being matched with one of the most eligible girls in Europe, so I apologise if I struggle to muster sympathy for your so-called plight.’

Not to spoil anything but later on in the story Orion's near obsession with his father's wishes is also shown as I wanted to convey this sense of generational trauma that has left everyone miserable.

[nieded]

AALS, an essay

I have written down my thoughts on how AALS came about and why it's written the way it is. This has spoilers for the story up until Chapter 14, so if you're waiting to catch up, tread carefully. But also, consider this a fair warning about the content of the story if you have heard things and are wondering whether you should pick it up.

When I started writing Sit Tight, Take Hold, I was terrified. I had recently entered this newer phase in my writing where it became ugly and personal, but also therapeutic. If you ever go through my back catalog, you may find a weird story or two. I tend to write a lot either about personal identity or found family, but STTH was the first time I began to address some of the biphobia and insecurities I have experienced in my life in such a specific, acknowledged way.

To preface this, I am Crowley. I am also many other characters in this universe, and Crowley is also other people I have known in my life in this universe, but mainly, Crowley is me. So if putting STTH out there was nerve-wracking, Accept a Little Spin has been doubly so. And the accusations that I am supporting infidelity or emotional cheating or whatever is inaccurate despite these things appearing in the story.

This is why I wrote AALS, to address two specific ideas in my head: self-growth and queerness, and I will explain how it affects both of the main characters.

Self-growth

Ezira is a young man. Twenty-six isn't super young, I suppose, but for me, I had just finished grad school and packed up all my belongings to move halfway across the US to a state I had never visited before, where I knew exactly one person, in a demanding, emotionally exhausting and isolating field I had limited real-life experience with. In short, I felt like a colt on fresh legs. In this way, Ezira is similar. He has been so deep in the closet that he has gone without acknowledging his sexual orientation and how it affects his identity. And now that he has the freedom to explore, he doesn't know who to listen to or where to begin. He has had one job, limited public education, and has now been asked to be the face of gays in sports. That's a big burden.

Ezira makes a lot of mistakes moving forward in this story, but to reach his final form in Part Three, he needs to do the work to self-assess and learn. He needs to experience good things but also the bad. He needs to confront the vast opinions out there in the world and figure out what he wants and what he believes in. Ezira isn't a likeable person in this story, but he is relatable, I think. He is, at least to me. I have rarely liked or fully trusted individuals who are in this stage of life, but it's telling to me that there are readers out there who don't relate to what he's going through. I'm not sorry to say this. If you are someone who doesn't at least get the pressure Ezira is under or that individuals are flawed while still being inherently good, this story isn't for you.

AJ, on the other hand, is well-settled. He has steadfast opinions on the world. He knows what he wants (though he is still learning how to ask for them), but he still has all of this baggage. AJ is a person who has had his trust degraded by people who should have loved him. His parents. His past relationships. His employers. Life taught him that he was a commodity, and he still bases his worth on what he can do for other people. The idea of Acts of Service can be sweet, but in this case, it comes from constantly undervaluing himself and feeling like he has to earn love from people.

His arc about growth is a little longer because the damage is deeper, but he makes great progress in AALS.

Mild spoiler: **There's an upcoming scene in Part Three where Crowley is confronted by this idea of unconditional love, and it doesn't come from who you think it does! But it really feels like the perfect bookend to his arc. It's not necessarily the climax of the story, but it is for me.**

The final quarter of AALS, particularly chapters 16 and 17, are about doing the work individually to not just be a better partner, but to be a better person as a whole. I do not want this story to solely focus on how they can be better for each other. That is not the point of this story. It's about how they can better for themselves and how that positively impacts their interactions with others. These chapters may not feel entirely satisfying, but it's intentional because in my mind, that work never ends.

Queerness

I set out writing AALS to explore the idea of queer identity and queer community, including confronting the bias and misconceptions queer people have of each other. I identify as bi. Hi. I am not out to most people because of fear of judgment, that I will be considered less-than or not 'really queer.' I have had worse reactions coming out to gay and lesbian people than I have had straight people, but let me tell you, straight people have not been great either! Queer comes in every flavor, which is why every queer character has different opinions on what that means and what it looks like. This causes conflict in the story.

The story also addresses the constant microaggressions queer people face. In Chapter 14, Ezira and AJ both hint at Hungary. It's briefly mentioned as well in STTH, but I've never addressed it fully. Something did happen, and it was ugly, but I've never had the energy to put it into words. We have to deal with this shit every day, and despite this story being a reflection on my real life, it was one area I didn't want to explicitly address.

But from misgendering Beez to biphobia to outright legal barriers (hey, did you know it's illegal for homosexuals to marry in Greece? Never mind all the extremely homophobic countries and states both Formula 1 and IndyCar visit), to the internalized homophobia that someone like Lili carries around, queerphobia is a constant, belittling experience across both stories.

To counteract that, however, I very much wanted this story to be about queer community. Does Nolan have stupid opinions as an uneducated, young 19-year-old? Yep! But does he also now have a community of peers that he can learn from? Yes! Spoiler, Nolan remains a prominent member of the brunch club, and no, he does not get dropped as a friend for his gross comments. We don't see his growth because he is a very minor character, but that brunch club and Marnie and Stephen are very much there for him as much as they are there for Ezira. And to counteract Nolan, there's Adam, who seems to be the angel on Ezira's shoulder and a source of reason.

And Lili. Whyyyy Lili? She has been a controversial character in this story. Some of that has been intentional in order for Ezira to confront his own biases. Remember, Ezira has been surrounded by straight people his entire life, comes from a homophobic country, and grew up in a hyper masculine sport. And some of his initial opinions come from a place of misogyny and biphobia. Yep. It's not because he's a bad person, and I wanted to make a point of showing their friendship evolving without some aha! moment.

But Lili is also there to be supportive of Crowley. I never intended for it to come off as Crowley emotionally cheating with Lili, but I do see the point commenters have made. That's part of the joy and burden of putting a story out in the world. It no longer becomes mine but a shared experience. I don't mind these interpretations, but I do get upset when people think she's outright malicious for growing up in a rural Midwest town, feeing lonely, and in need of support.

Lili is for Crowley because I could not imagine him going through IndyCar alone, or confronting his past with Javier, or going through a break in his relationship. He's not necessarily being open with her (is he ever with anyone???), but he has a friend to lean on. And Crowley is for Lili, too. This is her first sense of real queer community where she can be out and open, and it's giving her space to evaluate her past relationship with The Ex because she's never had anyone to talk to before.

And Beez. It's no secret Beez is my favorite character. They aren't featured a lot in this story, but their touch is felt through every moment. They connect Crowley and Lili, and let me tell you, they did it for Lili more than they did it for Crowley. But to my point above, they are also not a perfect character. They sometimes give bad advice, which leads to Crowley and Ezira not talking about their issues for too long. Beez also helped Crowley hide his meeting with Eve. But Beez was the first person to ever love Crowley without conditions, and it steered him away from the self-destructive road he was going to go down alone. Up until now, Beez has been the only family Crowley has had.

Beez is the community in this story. They approached Crowley first. They encourage Lili to connect with Dagon and go back to school. They aren't the oldest character in this story, but they are the one who has been out the longest and knows what it feels like to be without a family, so they push for others to make to those connections.

The point is, AJ and Ezira are endgame, yes, but for me, that's not what this story is about. For me, the story is about growth and community and how it can shape a person to be their best self, so they can share all the love they've received with someone else.

[thebearme]

just to warn you that this is probably not my most cohesive informational post. It definitely is missing some thoughts (I had this feeling about the parents and how the are presented in fanfics for 6-7 YEARS and did think of writing it till now)

Here's a bigger post for Yosuke's parents:

- They let teddie stay in there home, no questions asked.

(of course Yosuke probably said that he was a foreign exchange student but you need to sign up for a host housing program to do that AND get your money for it.)

(Don't forget how TEDDIE DOESN'T EVEN GO TO SCHOOL.)

- The two aren't forced to work, we seen from Yukiko what it looks like to be forced (or can't said no) to work and Yosuke and Teddie don't have that. They have a easy time balancing home/work/school life.

-It's normal to help out family with a family Business and plus Yosuke is getting work experience. His father isn't treating him any differently from any of the other workers, you could see it as bad but in the most part that's a reasonable thing to do.

(Any time Yosuke complaints about work it never about his dad, it's always the usual retail worker complaints of co-workers, managers or customers.

- They never pressure Yosuke to have higher grades, as long as he's no failing, it's good But they do encourage him to study.

-Any insecurities that Yosuke has could be from teen anxiety or past experience with fake friends not just family abuse.

-Last and not least! The last point goes with homophobia too, it's a learn trait which could come from past experiences.

(Even if you don't believe that, are you going to tell me in 2012 japan was the most accepting place? It wouldn't be a surprise if they were just homophobic)

But even if they were, we can see how their love for Yosuke is unconditional. Somethings he try his goddamn best and other things he doesn't even try as hard but his parents love him at his worst and best, he never is shown to have to work and earn his parents love. ❤️

heres a old piece I did for Yosuke week

unlike Yu's parents but thats a story for a another day

[grewlikefancyflowers]

hello! I've always wondered about the fact that JC distracted the soldiers first? How does change interpretation of canon, and would it have mattered if wwx was told that jc distracted them first?

Hello anon!

The reveal that JC distracted the wens shouldn't really change how the reader views JC's character imo, because all it tells us is that he's capable of good things as well as very awful things. The reader should already know this because we see him being decent at other points in MDZS too (briefly in Xuanwu Cave, when the Wens come to Lotus Pier, and even in Guanyin Temple).

This isn't a 'psych!! jc is a good person!!!' moment, the importance it has to JC's character is that he chooses to keep it to himself rather than using it to try to earn forgiveness from WWX.

'After a moment of silence, Jiang Cheng shook his head, “There’s nothing to say.” [...] just like how the past Wei WuXian couldn’t tell him the truth of giving him his golden core, the current Jiang Cheng wasn’t able to say anything either.' (110)

This is WWX's reason for not telling JC about the GC (aside from the initial reason that it'd hurt JC's pride)

'Later, because Jin ZiXuan and Jiang YanLi had died because of him, Wei WuXian had become too ashamed to ever bring it up again. If he were to tell Jiang Cheng the truth after that, it would only sound like an excuse, a way for him to alleviate himself of the responsibilities by bringing up an act of kindness in the worst time, as if saying, ‘Look, you can’t hate me, I’ve also made sacrifices for the Jiang Sect.’ (102)

Obligation and debt form the very foundation of WWX & JC's relationship, at every every opportunity JC held these things against WWX. The 'promise', that WWX was raised in the Jiang Sect, the deaths of his family & JZX—even after the GC reveal JC holds these things against WWX.

'At this point, it was impossible to figure out who should apologize to whom.' (103)

It all becomes such an entangled mess that their relationship is made unsalvageable by it.

In contrast to wangxian, who's relationship can only be called unconditional—between them there are no expectations, obligations, debts, gratitude or envies. There's no need for thank you & I'm sorry. It is in both LWJ's and WWX's character to give freely to others without expectation for anything in return, to never begrudge what was given or resent what wasn't received. The 'message' of MDZS is that debts and gratitude have no place in a mutually-loving relationship, of any sort.

For JC's character development, in keeping this small thing to himself, when he could have held it against WWX as he does everything else, JC finally made some small progress towards self-improvement. It's the only positive character development he has in the whole novel.

As for whether or not WWX knowing about this would change anything either in the existing story, or post-canon? No.

In his first life, what could this mean to WWX? That JC cares about him? WWX already thinks that. He didn't base his decision-making on whether or not his relationship with JC was good or bad regardless. And if he considered this a 'debt' that tied him to JC?

'Wei WuXian’s expression darkened at once. His voice was harsh as well, “What a joke! Why is it that the debt you owe has to be repaid at the expense of others!”' (62)

He wouldn't let the Wens suffer at the expense of his own debts or obligations anyway, JC would still give him the ultimatum between staying in the Jiang Sect & abandoning the Wens, or leaving. WWX would still defect, the story would remain the same.

As for if JC revealed this post-canon, he himself recognises that this could only come across as an attempt to guilt-trip WWX into forgiving him. It certainly would not endear WWX to him, probably quite the opposite.

In the end, after everything JC has done, WWX doesn't want him in his life anymore, one good deed won't change that.

[abubblingcandle]

⭐star⭐ 

Ah thank you! So the biggest fic that I have posted recently that I have had sort of director's cut thoughts about is Get You Down.

For those who haven't read Get You Down - this is my Jamie & Rebecca canon divergence AU fic where Rebecca becomes Jamie's 'godmother' after they meet when he is about 10.

I'm going to put the analysis under the cut but for this ask I'm going to focus on the idea of what stays and what changes in canon divergence what if style fics.

I love writing and reading canon divergence style fics. I find it the most interesting thing to think about what impact would the little butterfly wings have and for this fic the big question was "would Jamie being in Rebecca's life for ten or so years before he came to Richmond make each of them worse, better or the same but with a friend?" and I still think there's evidence to support each of those paths and each of those paths would have been a valid route to take.

I chose to go for same but with a friend. And I did that because of what I think the duo would be looking for in a familial relationship, unconditional love. Based on what we know about Rebecca's family life I don't think she has experienced unconditional love. Her father was absent and cheated on her mother at least once. Her mother is flighty, too forgiving of her husband and seems emotionally detached and Rupert, that man never did anything unconditionally. Jamie on the other hand had the exact opposite of unconditional love from his father and I think did have unconditional love from his mother but seems to have the reaction of himself feeling like he has to earn or pay back everything she did for him even though she doesn't want that. Therefore he doesn't see it as unconditional even if she does. So you've got two people who are used to fighting for affection just wanting someone who loves them and cares for them as they are. Therefore they are not going to try and change anything about each other, they just want to be there and involved in each other's lives. Jamie will still be a primadonna and bitchy towards his team. Rebecca will still be angry that she allowed Rupert to ruin her life and their actions will still stem from that and may even be bolstered by having someone in their corner even if they are making bad decisions.

(Which is why in the fic the biggest canon divergence comes when Rebecca steps over the line and reveals she is tanking Richmond. Because there is nothing in Jamie's brain that can justify deliberately losing and Rebecca has unknowingly found the line of Jamie's devotion and stumbled over it into bad news territory.)

My point being - when writing canon divergence like this, it is so easy to see it as an opportunity to make the characters better because they had different influences in their lives but in this case I think it is more likely that the duo would act as an echo chamber of familial trauma and need outside influence to start pushing each other to be better.

[carewyncromwell]

Hi Tory!! My new favorite story of yours is the one with Tristan and Carewyn's encounter and her reuniting with Jacob! I was really touch by how you handled Tristan. He's still young and has his entire future ahead of him. The boy does have some of that toxicity from his father but he deserves much better, to be able to learn and freely discover himself outside the impregnable walls of the Cromwell Manor! I hope Tristan is able to to get his freedom from the wallow and misery he faced during the Second Wizarding War and discover his potential, becoming a productive member of society. Tristan is like that troubled kid who has made mistakes because of his upbringing, but with support and guidance from the right people, he can learn and mature into an even more wonderful individual!

Aw, thanks, Cato! I have actually really grown to like the idea of the Cromwell Clan as a whole improving after the death of Charles, and although I personally don't see Pearl, Claire, or Blaise ever completely reforming themselves, I could see at least a few of Carewyn's cousins being able to break some of those chains of abuse and toxicity -- most notably, as I've also discussed with @dat-silvers-girl, Elmer Yaxley and Tristan Cromwell, who are the youngest of the Cromwell cousins.

I've already touched on this in one of my Carewyn-centric fics, as well as in one of my fics centered on Sirius and my Marauder Era boy Ed Rosier, but Elmer ends up working in the magical music industry before he gets wrapped up with the Death Eaters against his will. After Carewyn is able to help arrange a proper defense for Elmer, he ends up avoiding further time in Azkaban in favor of community service, most of which I see being as a stagehand where he was at before, under the patronage of newly-named music producer Ed Rosier, who was once romantically involved with a reluctant Death Eater himself and so sympathizes with Elmer's position. It's largely due to Ed's mentorship and Elmer's time away from his family and with the diverse people he meets through his community service that Elmer is able to open his eyes a bit and see how much bigger the world outside the Cromwell estate is...and it's through Elmer seeking acceptance from his family after he chooses to stand by his new friends and moral stance that Claire chooses to open up a bit more to change too, all out of devotion and love for her son. Elmer's three sisters I don't see fully letting go of the old Cromwell ways or their dislike of Lane's side of the family, but they would still ultimately support their brother, however much they wouldn't "get" his new lifestyle or embrace it themselves.

In Tristan's case, I think it's more likely that he'll be able to learn the lessons Blaise just can't seem to, when it comes to earning love from the people he's so desperate to have in his life. Tristan knows at least on a subconscious level that love at its heart is sacrifice -- why else would he consistently choose to stay locked in the cage his father's kept him in and not chase his dreams, all just to make sure he doesn't break Blaise's heart and leave Blaise the way Tristan's mother did? Because of this, Tristan could start to see that the "weakness" Blaise ascribes to Carewyn for her selflessness -- a weakness that admittedly makes Blaise desperate to want to "protect" her by keeping her trapped at home like he does Tristan -- is in truth emblematic of unconditional love, like the kind Tristan feels for his father. Carewyn would do anything for her brother, just like Tristan would do anything for his father. This strange similarity makes it so that Tristan tries to engage with Carewyn more, and I think pursuing that better relationship with his cousin and confronting the idea that the way he and Carewyn feel for their family is not a weakness could really help Tristan bloom into a better person. Especially if it resulted in him finally calling his father out for his crap. I could even see Tristan one day using his position as Head of the Clan to rip down the warding enchantments and cursed gate around the Cromwell estate altogether, with the intention of stamping out the last remnants of Charles's twisted legacy.

[goatedgreen]

HI there are a lot of these so feel free to pick n choose (i just love all ur guys i could pick)

Owen 23

Annora 27

Abbigail 26

Frith 5

Felix 12 (thinking about those wings n tail 👀)

Maria 16

Leona 35

Loreina 14

im gonna answer all of these so i'll put it under the cut :)

Owen 23: How does envy manifest itself in them (they take what they want, they become resentful, etc)? 

Owen by nature is not a very envious person, he grew up not having very much but was kind of resigned/accepting of this. But i think deep down he does become a bit resentful of those who have the things he wants (stable family, money, unconditional love and support), but he would never show those kinds of feelings to the person he envy was targeted at. Don't mistake that for him being a too good of a person though, he just doesn't want negative emotions to become between him and the people he's close to. He's selfish in that way, he would rather let sleeping dogs lie and not cause problems than potentially lose someone close to him over something so trivial as jealousy.

Annora 27: What causes them to feel dread? 

Annora definetly has issues with control and therefore a lack of it. New environments terrify her, it's why she was so scared of going outside for so long, and her powers didn't make that lack of control any easier on her. I think to truly make her feel dread, it would be to put her in a situation with a bad outcome, that she could truly do nothing about. She tries to prepare for everything.

Abbi 26: What is their preferred mode of transportation? 

she hasnt been exposed to very many as leaving the palace grounds hasn't really been on the table for her, but after some adventures her favourite way of getting around was on the backs of ... well i havent named the animal yet but its like if a wolf, a horse, and a dragon combined and became like a tamed beast. ill draw it one day i prommy LOL

Frith 5: How easy is it to earn their mistrust?

he doesn't really think for himself for a long time! he's loyal to the king, and the king tells him to do what Loreina says, and if Loreina says someone can't be trusted they cant, and if she says someone can be trusted they can. it takes a while for him to break out of this mindset... its not that he mistrusts people, just that he hasn't thought about it either way unless he's been told to.

Felix 12: How do they deal with an itch found in a place they can’t quite reach?

This man is goofy and silly, he will spend ages stretching and contorting trying to reach the itch and once he realise he cant get it he will throw himself at the nearest person and put on a soap opera worthy performance in order to get them to reach it for him. they usually give in.

Maria 16: What makes their stomach turn?

big league gambling :) and generally mistreatment towards children. she has quite the protective streak.

Leona 35: How do they treat the things their friends come to them excited about? Are they supportive? 

she definetely pretends to be exasperated but always joins in on shenanigans. if its an interest her friends have, she'll act disinterested, but they always know better because she'll ask clarifying questions and bring up the thing later on to cheer them up or get them things related to it. but she DOESNT CARE!!! important you know that. definetely not. no way.

Loreina 14: What animal do they fear most?

She doesn't feel fear >:) animals fear her >:) ... not exactly an exaggeration but she does find the palace guard dogs pretty annoying. she doesnt like how mindlessly they follow orders, it freaks her out that an animal capable of ripping her throat out could be cowed so easily by the promise of a treat. nevermind that she basically has her own dog in the form of Frith :)