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#he’s insecure about his facial hair
tantaliart · 1 year
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what you need to know about my group’s ismark is that he is deeply abnormal in ways
tell me about your group’s ismark please I want to know
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youngpettyqueen · 6 months
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thinking about trans Julian again specifically thinking about the idea of Julian being trans but electing to not undergo any gender-affirming surgeries
like I was thinking about this the other day in the context of his line about him and Kira being the only other options for a womb when he had to transplant the baby from Keiko, because the implication that Julian has a womb also implies he's elected out of having a hysterectomy for gender-affirming purposes. I say that because we know gender-affirming surgeries- at least the more cosmetic ones- are very easy to undergo (see Profit and Lace, where they very quickly and easily turn Quark into a woman (yes I know it wasn't gender-affirming for him but its the easiest episode to use for my point)) so I feel like it wouldnt be a reach to say that a hysterectomy would be a fairly easy procedure to ask for and undergo
which as ive been thinking about it more I think this like. perfectly tracks with Julian as a character, that he would opt out of undergoing gender-affirming procedures. because I think, considering what his parents did to him and how strongly he resents it, that he would steer clear of anything he would view as "changing" himself. honestly so far in the future I think its safe to assume views of transitioning are very different, and I'd like to think that there wouldnt be nearly as much social pressure to physically transition at all, but even if there was I think Julian would be very resistant to the idea that he would "have" to change anything about himself. Julian is very unapologetically himself in every regard, so im pretty confident in saying that that would translate over to his gender identity and asserting that he is a man, and he doesnt need to change anything about himself or his body to be one
#star trek: ds9#julian bashir#I dont typically put this much thought into my trans hcs but Julian being trans is an hc that fascinates me#from a character analysis standpoint#I think he wouldnt physically transition at all!#I dont think he'd even go on hormones#'but what about the facial hair in the prison camp' afab people can grow facial hair without hormones#'but what about the lack of titty' he could be wearing a binder#frankly I dont think he even would I think he's just flat-chested#it would track with his build. beanpole man#but yeah Julian as a trans man who does not physically transition. things I am thinking about often#like I said Julian does not apologize for any aspect of himself and is very loudly himself#and he doesnt let other people's opinions of him change that#look at his friendship with Miles#Miles loves to remind Julian how annoying he is and Julian thinks its funny#I think its one of the reasons they get along so well honestly#cause sure Miles complains but he also wouldnt change Julian and Julian knows that#I dont read Julian as being insecure about himself#he hates what's been done to him but he isnt like. insecure about it. he knows it wasn't his fault#he hides it for legal reasons not because he's insecure#but I think his resentment over what was done to him ties directly into how he would resist undergoing any procedures or physical changes#frankly I think Julian hates being a surgery patient just in general#I think he hates any procedure he cant be awake for#and he fights like a cat trying to get out of a bath anytime he has to go under#but thats a whole other post and hc#anyways trans Julian supremacy
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fvngus · 4 months
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Hello hi!
This is Bernard (Ifrit) Ulin, a cleric of Helm, Life Domain. He's a little awful shit but has too much charisma for his own good. No he has no level in Bard. He just acts like one.
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dizzybevvie · 3 months
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#im to embarassed to talk abt him but omg im gonna EXPLODE#cutest boy EVER in the world EVER EVER EVER#his cute glasses and his pretty eyes and his smile lines and crows feet and the way the hairs at the front curl into a heart shape#the way he sits and the way he stands and the way he talks to his family and the way the big t shirts he wears sits on his waistband and#hes insecure about his body and his acne but hes literally so gorgeous I have no idea why he is#goddddd cutest boy in the worldddd i like him so much it makes me feel sick#at prom (26th june) he tied some loose fabric around my wrist and its still there now#his jeans i see him wear all the time cus theyre his favourite like he has favourite jeans im ��aaaaaaaaaa#the way he throws his head back when he laughs and the specific “ha-HAA” laugh he does when he isnt expecting it#his stupid chai latte that he really likes#how he always has to say goodnight 3 times before he stops talking#how he uses the purple heart emoji rather than the regular ones#i had a dream once that we were laying in my bed when everyone was asleep just whispering and giggling and he left in a hurry back to-#wherever he was staying and we were laughing and when the door clicked behind him i just felt so light#UGH HES SO CUTE#his big dramatic expressions and how everything becomes a story#the stupid facial expression he pulls where his tongue goes out and hos eye brows arch when he makes any kind of dance move#the way he giggles when hes about to make a joke#(richie tozier voice) CUTE CUTE CUTE#omg his VOICE. oh my god. oh my god. oh my god man. oh god. help me. god be with me. please.#hes playing troy bolton rn so he keeps singing HSM and im just AAAAAAA I CANT. I CANTICANTICANT#the way his instinct is to grab my wrist/lower arm/hand whenever anything happens#OAIAHAUAGAH GUYS. GUYS I WILL NOT SURVIVEEEEE#his eyes are like. slanted? idk how to describe it but theyre lower on the outside and theyre soooooo gorgeous#ughhh both his eyes and hair are like so-dark brown theyre nearly black and its so fucking pretty i cant do this#at prom i had to lean in to talk to him & vice versa and at some point we were sat towards eachother with his legs kinda like barricading-#mine yk. ugh. he was so sweet and so cute the whole time. like helping me walk in the heels and opening doors for me and following me around#UGHHHH I CANT. GUYS. HELP.#☕#beverly says stuff
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this scene is so silly ajdjajsja but I can't stop thinking of him saying that to Ash and Ash just grinning.
"... G.arrus, humans usually just say 'you have a nice ass'"
"That's not what I meant! I wasn't even looking there- Well- Actually- Uh... I-I meant, you know.. It's just, well, uh... Oh, come on, Ash! You know I'm new to this!"
And then she bursts out laughing.
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the-acid-pear · 4 months
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Why did my cooking dream get hijacked by my brain making a William Afton oc and au what was that about.
#luly talks#my dreams#I'll peace like i can recollect it was weird#bc it literally was ME BUYING GROCERIES W MY DAD but then the line between when we ended and Michael and William started blurred#i remember the grocery store very well also bc it was very similar to the one i go always to but smaller and more sepia#it was dark for a grocery store like it was just letting sunlight in#pears were half off like some black friday offer so all the products were suuuper cheap#i saw one bottle of milky pear juice for like 1k. and the same w these 4 stacks of frozen waffles who were like 1070.#or this bottle of pear pancake mixture that had 2 or 4 lts#it was kind of when i went away that thr lines started blurring so let me tell you what i remember about this Afton:#he didnt seem. murderous. he was grocery shopping w his kid for fuck's sake 😭 i think he was even sitting somewhere while i ran back and#forth taken aback by these offers? like kinda dismissive at best#uh. Henry was brought up believe it or not. it was like... they broke up or something? like he was kinda upset about the mention but like#in a i dont want to explain why im not with him rn sort of way#very insecure he seemed. like he run into this woman who might've been someone but idk who was whom asked sbout henry and bro was SWEATING#you'd say dream william was a fucking loser he just got locked in thinking like what do i say and HOW do i say it#to make it sound casual but also not weird.#bc on top of all he also seemed to have some weird gender things going on bc he first instinct when trying to explain himself to the woman#(who i cannot stress enough was super friendly like a fucking neighbor or something just going hey hi! hows da family? ^_^)#was to refer to them both as girls as this jokey comradery Let's Ignore The Topic thing before going No That's Bad I Can't Say That#this whole internal monologue in my dream happened in a sort of comic panel thing btw where shit went from these warm browns and greens and#shit from the grocery store to jarring black and whites and reds as William tried to have a straight thought#looks wise unfortunately not a lot going on.though considering this was literally my dream getting turned over can we say my Afton is argie#something something my turn stealing from them etc etc or whatever#uh. brown hair. but not too dark. it was greying and that was making it lighter. also very angular face as you'd expect#high cheekbones pretty eyebrows no facial hair. hair was a bit longuish tho? like a messy ear length maybe?#he had a button up w buttons lose bc it's so hot and humid rn also sunglasses which i know 100% was influenced bc the last design i rbed#a little.before napping#also he had age makes too though his age was most visible in his scrawny long exposed neck#me/mike change was minimal bc we're both pale and brunette hit tag limit so hope y'all like my brain's oc i guess 😭
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stargirlo · 7 months
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𝓙 UST A LITTLE SQUEEZE? ─ MULTI CHAR.
"PLEASE LET ME FUCK YOUR TITS!" he whined, practically on his knees begging for you to finally give in to his little fantasies. you sighed exasperatingly. "i'll give you one rule though," you lowly spoke to him, hands on your hips. "don't cum on my hair." holy shit, you agreed!? was he dreaming?
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content warnings: fem coded reader, a lot of mentions of you having big boobs, begging, boob job, blow job, teasing, facial (he can't control it so he cums in ur face >:( ), cum eating, snowballing, etc etc.
💌: a little appreciation 4 my big titty girlies <3 && thank u sm for 100 followers, never had been so happy !!! the sudden wave of motivation is soooo rare 4 me ohemgee! :oooo
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𝜗𝜚 ‧₊ "pleaseee let me just squeeze them, jus' a little bit! pleasepleaseplease,"
he was constantly nagging you for just a simple squeeze of your perky tit, but you kept on refusing. its not like you were weirded out by his needy actions but it's just that you didn't expect someone to be so obsessed over your tits. you were a little insecure about them a while back because in your own words, you said that you looked "too fat" or "too disoriented" but honestly, your boyfriend loves them! he doesn't see any issues about your big tits, wether they're saggy or not.
he loves it whenever you wear his oversized shirts without a bra supporting your perky breasts, nipples poking out of the cotton fabric of his shirt immediately makes him huff like a dog. he loves it when your boobs jiggle whenever you make the simplest moves, wether its you swaying your hands around while you talk, or when you walk around the house.
his eyes will always land to your bouncy tits.
he loves giving you hugs, having a great opportunity to feel your tits pressed against his chest, he could practically feel the softness and the plumpness of your swelled tits. ughhh, it just makes his mind go blank!!!
"please let me fuck your tits!" he whined, practically on his knees begging for you to finally give in to his little fantasies. you sighed exasperatingly. "i'll give you one rule though," you lowly spoke to him, hands being placed on your hips. "don't cum on my hair." holy shit, you agreed!? was he dreaming?
𝜗𝜚 ‧ . ° "h─holyyy shiit, ohmygoddd... f─fuck ye'r tits feel s'good mamiii.."
he moans like a literal slut, your breasts hugging his cock and keeping it warm, the tip of your tounge flicking the head of his cock. pre-cum beading through he slit of his pinkish tip before your tounge eagerly swipes away his essence. you softly moaned, cupping your breasts and rubbing his shaft slowly, creating a delicious fricition. "d─didn't know it'll feel t─this good─ ohfuck!"
you giggled, beady eyes locked with his as your filthy mouth wraps around his cock, sucking the head of his cock. his body jolts, hips bucking up as more of his cock easily slips further in to your mouth. "mami─ oh shit, don't stop, don't stop, don't stoppp," he begs, a trembling hand coming up to move your head downward as his fingers desperately tug on your scalp.
your choked moan vibrates against his cock, tears bubbling on the corner of your eyes as it was already too much for you to handle. reluctantly, you withdrew your mouth away from his cock, leaving him to elicit a needy whine. "babyyy─ why'd you... why'd you stop?" he breathlessly spoke, looking down at you with a small pout. but you didn't stop, not when you moved your tits up and down his cock in a subtle rhythm. he clenches his jaw tightly, his pearly whites grinding against one another to stifle out a whimper. "what a naughty boy you are..." you cooed, and holy shit you could feel his cock throbbing at your words. "so dirty." your breath ghosted against his cock, feeling a subtle twitch.
"please─ need to feel your warm mouth againn.." he beckoned you, eyebrows pinching together as the overwhelming feeling slowly starts to frustrate him. "please mami─ oh!" his body tenses up again, your mouth wrapping around his cock again. the tits and mouth combo sent him to cloud nine, his thighs trembled as your saliva coats your cleavage. he hissed in pleasure, throwing his head back while he swallowed a lump of saliva that brewed in his mouth, his adams apple flexing in his throat.
"g'nna cum, holy shit─ 'm cummin' mami, fuckfuckfuck..!" his moans grew slightly louder, his free hand clasping on the bedsheets as if he was holding on for dear life.
you pulled your mouth away from his cock, once again. jerking him off with your tits before he couldn't take it anymore, his hot and steamy cum spurts from his flushed tip as the thick strings of his cum land all over your perky breasts and on your face . . . and hair . . .
"ay─!" you gasped, closing one of your eyes as he just couldn't stop cumming. he's so nasty, sooooo disgusting!! a stifled giggle elicits from your lips, watching as he becomes putty into the bed, the aftershocks of his mind shattering orgasm leaving his body limp.
he softly gasped once he realized the mess he had made, on himself and on you. "fuck─ heh, my bad..." he chuckles dryly, your tounge swiping on your bottom lip to give his release a little taste. so bitter.
"i told you not to get it on my hair, pendejo!" you playfully smacked his knee, looking up at him with a pout. your expression tempted him, the way you just look at him makes him want to ruin you next. "c'mere baby, gimme a kiss..." he leans forward, placing his hand on the back of your head as he pulls you in for a sloppy kiss. you yelped, his tounge quickly slipping into your mouth as he took a little taste of himself, the bittersweetness of his own release.
how fucking nasty you both are!!!
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💌: satoru gojo, kazutora hanemiya, tartaglia, könig, chifuyu matsuno, souya kawata (idk how to spell his last name :( ), aventurine, bokuto koutarou, kenma kozume (hear me out!!), sanzu haruchiyo, manjiro sano, jj maybank, ++ your favs!!
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celestiamour · 16 days
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‧₊˚✧ ❛[ mad with need ]❜
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ft. logan howlett x f! reader — xmen, marvel
╰₊✧ you want him so bad that you feel like you’re going crazy so he indulges you┊3.0k words
setting: deadpool & wolverine (2024) worst! logan contains: smut!! dom logan & sub reader┊x wade wilson too, age gap, dirty fantasies from a horny reader (who is actually insecure about herself), size difference, no prep we’re dying like nicepool, riding & unprotected piv, breeding/creampie, a bit rushed i need this out my wips
➤ author's note: okay so this is actually the very first logan fic i started, but i have no idea why it took me so long to finish it? it’s a bit all over the place, but i hope some people enjoy anyway!
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has he realized you were there and simply testing your self-control, or is he just being so effortlessly sexy again that you aren’t sure if you’re in love or jealous? was there any other reason for him to be laid out on the beat-up couch like something to feast on when he was simply holding a bottle of liquor in one hand to sip on and flipping through the channels of a barely-working box television with a remote in the other? why else would he be so delectable around a known pervert(s, wade is just as bad as you are, just more focused on the possible destruction of his home rather than the pansexual panic between you and logan plaguing him) if not to tempt you?
you’re constantly fawning over the sight of him and letting out dreamy sighs which have become more common lately than you would like to admit, swearing that you could gaze upon him for every second of the day and not tire of it. they say “god gives his most difficult battles to his strongest soldiers”, yet the battle assigned to you is restraining yourself from pouncing on him at the very moment and begging to suck his cock. you know that you’re horny most hours of the day and also kinda a brazen whore, but the way he makes you wet in record time should be worthy of a gold olympic medal.
every time his lips wrap around the rim of the glass bottle, you can’t help but imagine them somewhere else. the image of his handsome face between your legs and scruffy facial hair coated in your slick while he ravishes you haunts your mind whenever you try to sleep, yet the phantom sensation of his tongue on you while his nose stimulates your clit helps you rest in the end. you bet that he would be great at eating pussy too, with his sharp tongue and arrogant attitude— god. 
he’s also so jacked that even when he’s resting, his muscles still seem to bulge with prominent veins like a nurse’s wet dream and it has you downright drooling. now that the sleeves of his suit were gone, you could see how beefy his arms were, and seeing any inch of his skin had you acting up like a victorian man seeing a woman’s ankles for the first time. he could probably crush your skull like an egg if you ever found yourself head-locked in them (you’ve seen him do it to wade out of irritation, and you’ve never been so jealous).
and not to mention how peggable his shapely ass is, there’s really no limit to all the things you want to try with him if you were given the chance—
“are you finished staring?” his gruff voice brought you back to reality, refocusing your vision as he made a slight gesture to his body with one of his rare smirks, “like what you see?” it’s a rhetorical question, he knows how good he looks despite his age and you have already made your attraction towards him well-established. 
you don’t need to say anything, he can tell what you’re thinking as clearly as day, so you don’t bother making any dirty remarks like usual and just walk out the room. you paced around the house for a minute or two to calm yourself down until you eventually ran into wade. “oh my god,” you cupped your face with your hands, eyes becoming big and round as if you were going to cry, “i want him so bad, i feel like i’m gonna lose my mind if i don’t fuck him!”
“well, why haven’t you? i know for a fact that my presence isn’t enough to stop you from climbing him like a tree, so spill it!”
“uhhhh,” you pointed your fingers together to exaggerate self-consciousness, “what if… what if he doesn’t like me and just sees me as some annoying, excessively horny kid?”
“can you believe this bitch?” he scoffed, looking at the invisible audience that was always watching before grabbing your shoulders and violently shaking you, “listen here missy, he definitely likes you— i have yet to see that man smile at anything else that isn’t your face and comments that rival jjk twitter fans in vulgarity! why are you suddenly getting cold feet now when you’re such a player? you’re suddenly screaming, crying, and throwing up over peanut whom you’ve been hitting on non-stop since we found him?!”
“i don’t know! it’s different, he’s my hero, and— i know it’s hard for you to believe, but he’s not even half the asshole my previous flings were. besides, he so fucking hot—”
“yeah, but he’s also so fucking old— his dick is probably all shriveled up—” the sound of the said man clearing his throat made him jump out of his skin, slowly turning his head to look at the older man before giggling nervously and waving his hands around in some form of awkward greeting. even if he can regenerate and wounds are more like papercuts, the last thing he wanted was to get stabbed in the balls by his adamantium claws again for making such a comment. “ahaha, how much did you hear…?”
“enough,” he grunted, turning his attention to you, “and you’re coming with me.”
“huh—?” there was hardly a moment for you to properly react before he suddenly bent down to grab you by the waist and toss you over his shoulder, “you’re not even gonna ask me to dinner first?!” you must have looked like a fish out of the water with how your mouth was agape with surprise, and you heard him genuinely chuckle in amusement. both from the fact that you didn’t see this coming after all you’ve been saying to him as well as the fact that he could pick you up and throw you around like you weighed nothing.
“well, you didn’t exactly greet me with a ‘hello’ before shamelessly undressing me with your eyes when we first met, now did you?” you couldn’t see if he was smiling or not considering that you were upside-down. the current angle only gave you a close-up view of his perfect ass (not that you were complaining, you need to know his squat routine), unsure if the heat on your face was from the embarrassment of him calling you out or simply from the blood rushing to your head.
“what about me? are you lovebirds really going to leave me all by myself, lonely and yearning for the companionship of another while you two fuck like rabbits?”
“ahh, go fuck yourself.” the grin on his face dissipated the moment he opened his mouth, but it wasn’t enough to ruin his mood as he carried you away to the closest bedroom available, quickly flinging you on the bed without a bother to be careful when handling you since he knew that you could and have taken worse as deadpool’s sidekick. “why are you so nervous? think i don’t want you as much as you want me?”
“wait, actually?” your usually confident facade of the overly forward flirt was faltering more and more by the second.
“you’re so busy ogling my body that you haven’t even noticed the way i look at you, huh?” it’s obvious logan was an absolute beast of a man, but when he cages you with his arms between his bulky frame and the mattress, you feel like a little field mouse against a lion. the way your pupils dilate as you look up at him with adorned excitement has him so fucking feral, heat stirring in his stomach and blood rushing to his cock. he traced over your outfit, admiring how the skin-tight leather hugged your curved. “wearing such a slutty little things that leaves nothing to the imagination, and you expected me not to think about pinning you down and fucking you until you pass out?”
you shivered at his words, arousal pooling in your underwear and warmth spreading throughout your body under your skin. this cheeky son of a bitch can smell it too, the sweet smell of desire, sensing how needy you are for his touch and how your pussy is just begging for his attention. 
as much as he wanted to rip your clothing off and pound into you like there was no tomorrow, he wanted to take his time to properly treasure the cute sidekick who has been reminding him how it feels to be a man again, young and unafraid to pursue the woman of his dreams and treat her right the way that countless of others failed to do. (you’re going to laugh hysterically at him later on down the line when you hear him say that, never thinking you could be the object of anyone’s affection past a one-night stand, but the look in his eyes makes you realize he’s telling the truth and you’ll get all flustered over it.) 
you can taste the alcohol from earlier when he kisses you and moan into it, wrapping your arms around his neck to pull him closer, all teeth, tongue, and animalistic want. he ran a hand down your torso to reach the zipper of your suit, undoing it in one swift motion, exposing your bare chest to his eager eyes.
“no bra?”
“i don’t need it when the suit— ah!” 
he cut you off, not caring about the intricacies of how the costume supported everything when he would only get distracted, moving his lips to take one of your perk nipples in his mouth and sucking like it was going to give him milk or something while pinching the other one in between his fingers. he’s like a kid on christmas playing with his new toy: palming at your breasts, cupping and squishing them together, and realizing that his large hands could practically cover them entirely.
“fuckk, you’re so pretty, doll,” he drawled, letting go of your teat with a ‘pop’ and kissing your neck before making you gasp by sinking his teeth into your skin. you gasped at the sudden sensation, deep enough to leave a lasting indent but not deep enough to draw blood, as he soothed the fresh wound by licking it with his tongue. everyone was going to know that you were his, especially that motherfucker he knows is listening in on the other side of the door with his cock in his hands.
 “logan…” you rasp, voice barely above a whisper.
“what is it, princess?” it was a nickname he has used plenty of times, yet it felt completely different in such a sexually charged situation, so much more intimate in a way that you feel your heart racing even faster than before and a rush of energy within. 
“need you…” you murmured.
“come on, a little louder, you need to use your words.” 
“fucking hell,” you covered your face with your hands, trying to ignore the way your cheeks burned, “i need you, logan! i’m gonna go crazy if you don’t fuck me right now!”
“hm, is that so?” he had been resting on his side up until now, laying on his back and lifting you up with both hands under your arms. you found yourself sitting pretty in his lap, straddling him, legs on either side of his waist. “why don’t you work for it then? work for what you wanted so badly this entire time?”
you inhaled sharply, looking down at this fine specimen of a mutant under you made of pure muscle and adamantium with a noticeable tent in his pants, a cocky grin gracing his features daring you to continue. only a fool wouldn’t take up his challenge. biting the inside of your mouth, you began to fully strip yourself of all clothing, kicking it off to the side to be forgotten and showing off your beautiful bare body that logan has been dreaming about since the moment he met you. “take your clothes off too,” you huffed, “it’s not fair for me to be the only one naked.”
he hummed in agreement, taking off the upper half of his yellow and blue-detailed suit, revealing his rippling abs and pecs— age has yet to make a dent in his physique, he doesn’t even look real. he’s not going to remove the bottom half though, both because you’re already on top of him and because you still need to “work for it.” 
experimentally, you rolled your hips on his bulge, feeling a twinge of amusement when he visibly had to clench his jaw to prevent a moan from slipping out. he’s just as pent-up as you are, no matter how hard he’s trying to hide it right now. you fiddled with the metal of his zipper for a moment before pulling it down, motions fidgety with nerves yet still determined to see this through. 
your eyes widen at the sight of his fully erect cock, noting instantly that he’s bigger than any other guy you’ve been with, yet still feeling your mouth water at the size and the vein trailing its underbelly. “is it even going to fit?” you manage to breathe out, reaching out to run a finger over the leaking tip and hearing him hiss.
“only one way to find out, but i think you can take it.” 
placing your hands on his shoulders for balance, you put his theory to the test and raised your body to sink yourself onto him, whimpering at the pleasurable stretch when you manage to make it past the tip. you’re so fucking soaked from your own thoughts and the few minutes of foreplay earlier that you didn’t even need his fingers to prep you, just using your slick as a form of natural lube and feeling him slip into you inch by inch.
“that’s it, doll, just like that,” he praised, the words going right to your head, really enjoying the show of you struggling to take all of him.
“mmhh, lo—” his name came out in a more whiny voice than expected with your eyes rolling back and nails raking into his skin. your thighs were aching with the constant repetitive motion of working yourself up and down his cock, taking one step back for two steps forward, more than halfway there yet unsure if you could handle it all when you felt so impossibly full already.
“shhh, i know, i know, sweetheart— just take your time, i’m not going anywhere.” his words are so sweet despite being a complete asshole by laying back and letting you do all the hard work, hands behind his head and everything while watching his cock slowly disappearing between your folds.
you look at him through glossy half-lidded eyes, brain turned to absolute mush, not even realizing that you had finally taken him to the base and was comfortably nestled on his cock. it took a few moments to adjust to his girth, breathing heavily with the swelling feeling of satisfaction developing within you. you have barely even started, and yet it was already so much better than anything else— he was so much better than anyone else. 
“you okay?” he waits for you to blink to process his words before nodding slightly, letting out a soft ‘yeah’ before your eyes went wide when he suddenly grabbed your waist and positioned you under him once again. you didn’t notice because you went dumb with dick (to put it bluntly), but he had been restraining himself from flipping you over to be on top or trying to buck his hips into you before you were ready. 
he then started thrusting into you at a relentless pace, your hands flying up to his biceps and clinging on for dear life to find purchase. there was no frame to go with this mattress you were resting on, but you were sure it would be banging against the wall until it broke if it was there. your eyes were screwed shut with your head thrown back into the pillow, letting out pathetic pitched moans along with stutters of his name as the orgasm in your stomach builds.
“aah, lo-logan!”
“don’t worry, i got you,” he lazily circled your clit with his thumb, feeling you clench even more tightly at the action, “just let yourself go, relax— cum for me, doll.”
you cried out as your climax washed over you, gushing all over his cock and the pants of his suit that neither of you bothered to take off earlier. it’s a shame that you ruined his clothing so soon when he just got this costume, but honestly, he likes it a lot better when the yellow is stained with the evidence of how good he made you feel.
the way your walls spasmed around him made him quickly follow suit, shooting ribbons of his seed into you and painting your insides white. perhaps he would have been able to hold on for a bit longer when he was younger, but he can’t find himself caring in the least when you were looking up at him like he was everything right now.
he leaned down to kiss you, slowly pulling out of you, being careful not to rest on top of you and crush you under his weight, generally being uncharacteristically sweet towards you in stark comparison to how he was rocking your world like you were the last two souls on earth just a minute ago.
“so… do you like me?” it was the tone he grew accustomed to when you and wade were teasing him, feeling you wrap your arms around him with a sigh and snuggling into his chest.
“yeah… i like you a lot more than you think…”
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weebsinstash · 8 months
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Sitting here watching that clip of Valentino with that demon girl going "you're gorgeous! Do you need a job? 🥰" and started thinking of Val either intentionally or unintentionally making Reader feel massively insecure and ugly and Val using that to manipulate them
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I've mentioned "oh what if your job is serving him drinks at his club" but what if he also starts dragging you along when he goes out like some kind of weird PA. Like he's just throwing random bills at you that he clearly isn't counting like it's pocket change in a very "yeah sure whatever just do it bitch" kind of way so you put up with it, it's good income, but it's still... WEIRD. He's going to get his antenna done at the salon, and you're like. Having to STAND THERE beside his chair, you're not even in the lobby waiting room, you've gotta be WITH HIM, and you just get all these windows into his cunty personality where he's spoiled and mean to service workers and is a total fucking diva and it's extremely off-putting I'm sure
He's in a night club hitting on people whose bodies are absolutely insane like I'm talking GYATT city, ass and titties, you've got twunks and you've got hunks, and you're like, in sneakers, off to the side, head down playing games on your phone since you can't even put earbuds in because you unfortunately have to keep an ear open since he'll order YOU to bring drinks, not just for him, but for these complete strangers who don't even work for him too, AND he'll let them be fucking mean to you. You bring some bubble butt twink who's on Val's arm the daiquiri he asked for and he gives you a very clear look up and down before laughing, cuddling up to Val, "yeah I can SEE you need new employees 😋" and they all laugh Including Fucking Valentino
I dunno, I'm on the fence. It really changes with the story. You get the yandere who are obsessive but more abusive-adjacent and then you have the more true-blooded kind that won't accept any slander of you at all. Like can you imagine Valentino's smile just dropping off his face because some chick like, tells you you have cellulite or even something MILD like your mascara is bad or idk what are, male insults.... you have a flat ass??? And Valentino just instantly shoves them away "okay you're done bye, let the door hit you on the way out 🤭"
But today we're talking about angst and feeling fucking miserable so. Over time it just, makes you feel so horrible about yourself to go to these nightclubs. It isn't even about fucking Valentino, it's about how you're sitting here watching everyone EXCEPT YOU receive all this fawning and compliments and attention, even if Val is faking some of it just to lure in more workers. You see a girl who has the perfect skin and you run fingers over an ice pick scar on your cheek, male reader sees a guy who's tall but muscular with nice facial hair and you feel your own baby face and smaller build, there are people thinner than you, curvier than you, stronger than you, smarter than you, and you watch all of them get called gorgeous and beautiful and handsome and sexy and you're just the fucking dweeb who gets teased, mocked, BULLIED
One night Valentino is sitting there talking to another girl, "oh my gosh, honey, I would TOTALLY do body shots off of you. Hey, can we get some shots over here? .... helllooooo, I SAID can we get some shots? ...bitch if you make me repeat myself again--" and he looks over and you're not even there. It's like ice. Suddenly without warning you're not there and he doesn't know what to do because you're ALWAYS there and whenever you're not it's because he LETS YOU leave??? Like??? He's immediately standing up even if it knocks away the people hanging off of him and he's looking around, "you BETTER be in the fucking bathroom--"
And over the crowd of people he sees you on the opposite end of the club, as if you were actively trying to put as much distance between you two as possible, and you're with a guy, some big furry monster boy, and you laugh with a big smile and Valentino GRINDS his teeth as he realizes it's been ages since you laughed around him, let alone at anything HE'S said, and you're actually drinking with this guy where you would always be way too stiff and cautious around Val (although he also really wouldn't let you drink anyways, being more of a waiter when you're 'on the clock')
Obsessed with the idea of Val making Reader carry around combs and brushes to comb his antenna/fur and Val sees you using them on another guy. like I think he'd go absolutely violently fucking crazy honestly because 1. Those are HIS and he is a bougie Gucci material man like those are high quality things being used on some RANDO 2. Those are for HIM, you're using them on someone ELSE 3. The person using them on someone else is YOU, YOU'RE brushing another man, YOU'RE cuddling another man like some kind of UNGRATEFUL WHORE--
When I say you suddenly look up and you're being GRABBED, HAULED UP to your feet by your arm, grip on you so tight it's ready to fucking bruise, and Val just shoots this guy in the head, like cartoonishly powerful gun just splatters the dudes head from what should have been just a single bullet hole I'm sure. You're like vaguely traumatized and trying to tell yourself the man will regenerate and be fine but now Valentino's got a gun in his hand and he's furious and you just start CRYING. He doesn't even CARE about the people he was flirting with anymore, if he has any employees in the club with him he doesn't even call out that it's time to go, he just starts DRAGGING YOU to the limo and will just LEAVE EVERYONE there because he's in such a rage, also, have you guys seen the posts where people point out there are moth squeaking effects when he speaks sometimes. So he's just fucking mad, voice cracking, shouting, squeaking, and i think it'd be funny if he spends like 15 minutes screaming about THE GUY while he has you like all but glued to his lap on the ride home and doesn't say a single thing about what you did. Just manic ranting on his phone as he HAS to call Vox, "oh my god you wouldn't FUCKING BELIEVE what this piece of shit did in front of me, the ugliest fucking guy I've ever seen was--" and you're like trembling wondering when he's going to pivot and realize like, you were also. Intentionally willingly sitting with that guy.
But he doesn't even like. Acknowledge it that way. He just keeps ranting about the guy touching something that doesn't belong to him, he's gotta replace all his fucking combs now, oh my GOD Vox like SERIOUSLY-- and then it's probably Vox that's like, with a disinterested voice, "sooooo.... WHICH whore did this happen to again???" And Valentino without hesitating just straight up says your name, "the nerdy one, you KNOW which one I'm talking about"
And that's when you just start to blubber cause you're tired and you're tipsy and you're mentally worn down, "oh OF COURSE I'm 'the nerdy one'!! You drag me all over the fucking place and I never get any time to myself and I have to WATCH everyone ELSE have fun, and when I finally find someone who calls ME cute, calls ME pretty, you fucking SHOOT HIM!" and you're just, face in your hands crying and you can't see it as Valentino GRINS like some fucking MONSTER because, "Aw, pobrecita, is that what this is about? You're lonely? ❤️w❤️"
And you're just mad and crying and pouting and you're telling him to go fuck himself and actually starting to get a little mouthy and have an attitude with him and he doesn't even care because how upset you're getting is going right to his head. even if you don't want to, you're jealous of him giving other people attention instead of you, and now he's watching you get all upset and sniffly over it and he's so full of himself, this makes him feel so powerful that he's reduced you to this insecure bawling state, and he's rubbing your shoulders, "awwww, don't cry mami, you should've told me you were wanting some 'attention'"
At this point you could be literally slapping his hands away but he's gonna keep pulling you close to him on purpose and NOW, now he's laying on all the fucking compliments, stroking the tops of your thighs. He knows exactly what scent you're using in your hair. Oh, you're wearing the nail polish you bought during one of your first months here; he's always liked this color on you. He's commenting and bringing up things you didn't expect him to notice let alone remember about you and... you're just so weak to it.... you're lonely... and he's here... and maybe it's the smoke or his cologne or what but he smells so good, he's so close, your head feels a little funny--
The rest of your night blurs together after that, but when you wake up, you're not at your place, or the studio, or anywhere you mildly recognize. You're in a bed way too big for someone your size, and you're especially not used to SOMEONE ELSE BEING IN IT WITH YOU. Val just has you caged in all of his arms and is passed out drooling in a post alcohol, post drug, post fuckathon coma, and you can FEEL in your muscles and in your body that you two were up to some wiiiiiild shit together.
IF you may manage to sneak out of V Tower without being stopped or caught, it won't make hin suddenly forget all the things you told him, or him now knowing how it feels to have your hands on his body, or how it looks to have your big sad wet eyes looking up at him and then sparkling with one of his compliments. Usually he WANTS bitches to be gone when he wakes up but, this time? When those eyes open and you're not there? Instantly feeling rejected, mad, irritated, he can't exactly identify why, he's just MAD you ran off without telling him and he's instantly blowing up your line to figure out where you are, and now you have become a recipient of The Voice-mails
"Heeeeeeey, baby, so, it's so funny but I just woke up and I can't find you in the tower? Did you run off to get breakfast somewhere? You KNOW you shouldn't run off without telling me first; I need you to come on back here ❤️"
"-- so answer your phone you fucking SLUT!! You better not be with another fucking guy, or I swear to fucking GOD--"
"--It just stresses me out that there are so many different kinds of people down here, I worry someone might hurt you, amorcito. I can't help protect you if I'm not there, soooooo, why don't you just, tell me where you are--"
"Is this fucking funny for you, you cunt?! You get all worked up about how PATHETIC AND SAD you are and then leave me? Leave ME? ME?! You're LUCKY i even TOUCHED YOU AT ALL--"
"Heeeeeeey, oh my gosh so this is so funny ummmm, Vox just let me know that Velvette borrowed you for something, soooooooooo, please don't listen to any of those other voicemails, ok? You know how CRAZY you make me, right? Don't forget you have a shift tonight, and if you even think about not showing up, I have some hellhounds that know your scent already and they'll drag you back here by your hair, sooooo, see you later love you byeeeeee ❤️"
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utterlyotterlyx · 6 months
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Another Love
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Azriel x Fem!Reader
Based on this ask
Summary - Azriel knows you'd never leave his side, no matter what, but when his new situationship with Elain takes over his every living moment and he takes advantage of your feelings, you make the only decision you can to save yourself only for him to hurt you in a way you never thought he could.
Warnings - ANGST, mega fluff, swearing, neglect, abuse of feelings, mentions of death, slight grovelling (I’m more of an epic admissions girlie you all know this), lots of sadness.
Word Count - 4.9k oops
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The clock ticked away, idly counting the seconds by, seconds that turned to minutes, and minutes that turned to hours, hours that Azriel had seemingly forgotten about the promise he had made to take you to the theatre.
The cobalt blue bow in your hair, that you had chosen to perfectly match him, swayed sadly as you moved about your room with a heavy heart, hanging up the dress you had bought especially for the occasion and changing into something more comfortable to wallow in self-pity.
It had become normal, his lateness, his nightly visits became later and shorter until they had stopped all together, well, that is until he needed something from you, and you would give him whatever he asked for, no matter how much it hurt you.
You had been a part of the Inner Circle for over 500 years, you were one of the originals, growing up in the camps with Rhys, Cassian and Azriel, Rhys' mother protected you fiercely, and you were very close to Selene, your chosen sister. You were the one they turned to for everything, you were wise and brutal, an incredible warrior and tactician, but also soft and kind; you were the blue break in a sky of storm clouds, you were the spring breeze that cut through the edge of winter, you were everything.
A thing Azriel knew all too well.
It didn't surprise you when Azriel had become fond of Elain, like it didn't surprise you when he had pined after Mor for all those years, completely looking over you in the process. Elain was a soft and fragile thing, she was quiet and graceful, and Azriel was completely besotted by her. A fact that made your heart curse your stupidity, cursing the hope you had willed into it that maybe he would finally see you.
It was no secret that you and Azriel were the closest out of all of the members of your growing family, you had shared 500 years of respect and adoration for one another.
Azriel was by your side when Selene had so brutally lost her life, he had held your hand through the depression and brought you back to life. Azriel knew every single thing that you loved and hated, he knew what every facial expression meant, he knew every tick of your body language which silently conveyed how you were feeling. Azriel knew you better than anyone, even better than he knew himself. The map of you laid etched bare on the back of his hand, a map he used to scour daily, but now barely even glanced at.
It wasn't so one sided.
You knew Azriel better than anything, and you knew a lot. 500 years of life pointed to a rich knowledge. You were the one who cleaned him up after a mission, you're the one who mended his broken bones and washed his turmoil away. You were the one who helped him overcome his insecurities with his hands. You were the one his shadows shot to at family dinners. You were the one who sang him to sleep when his demons had become to much. There was nothing you wouldn't do for Azriel, even if it meant standing on the side-lines until he wanted you.
Moonlight streaked along the floor of your bedroom, cascading across the pale blue of your comforter and drifting along the edges of your antique furniture. The dress you had wanted to wear to the theatre hung off the frame of your mirror, rippling softly in the gentle breeze that entered through the slightly ajar window.
It was silly to feel upset, you knew Azriel didn't owe you any of his time, but you had really thought he would pull through, especially after you had told him how much you missed spending time with him.
Interrupting your damaging thoughts, your door opened to reveal Azriel, who looked annoyed and not at all in knowing of his lateness or the promise that now lay in tatters in your chest. From the look on his face, you knew instantly that Elain was the one who plagued his mind, she was the cause of it every time he had come to see you recently.
Huffing, Azriel trudged to your cream living area, propping his feet up on the antique table you had asked him to be careful with far too many times and sinking into the cushions. He hadn't spared you a glance as he entered, he didn't note his colour in the form of a bow in your perfectly styled hair, he didn't see the sadness in your eyes laced with that naïve hope that he may have turned up to apologise for being late. He didn't see you.
"What happened this time?" You inquired, wrapping yourself tighter into your robe and sliding into the seat beside him, tucking your legs underneath you and propping your head in your palm as you stared at him.
Azriel was beautiful, scars and demons and all, the height of his cheekbones, those hazel oceans of a thousand emotions, the golden skin and arched brows, the curve of his muscles under his second skin, everything about him was intoxicating.
"Lucien," Azriel through his head back and closed his eyes, breathing deeply through his nose, "I was so close to kissing her, so close, Y/N. And then Lucien walked in, he ruined it."
The revelation had stung, he'd never admitted to you to being close to kissing Elain before, it was always a myriad of stolen glances and ghosting touches, of hushed words laced with a million differing meanings. But never a kiss.
Azriel paid no mind to the hurt that radiated from you, he knew it was there, he always knew it was there but he couldn't focus on it.
Only an idiot could be blind to the clear feelings you had toward Azriel, the way you looked at him was not the way a friend looked at another friend, no matter how close they were. Azriel knew that he could never truly push you away, no matter how much you were hurting you'd never leave, he knew that, he knew you'd always be there for him to fall into.
It was so awfully wrong, but he lapped in serenity you gave him, in that unwavering loyalty, and he had no intention to stop drinking from your fountain of love.
"Lucien is her mate, Az. He's bound to not like whatever it is that's going on between you," your voice was gentle and full of understanding, your hand rested on his shoulder and he felt any anger disappear almost immediately. That's what your touch alone could do to him, bring him immeasurable peace.
"I know," he sighed, opening his eyes and turning his head to the side to look at you, a small smile tugged at his lips when he noticed how pretty you looked, with your hair parted just how he liked it, and with a bow tied neatly at the back, "I still think that the cauldron was wrong," your face faltered when he immediately continued on his weekly rant, "It gets it wrong sometimes, we know that. It's wrong, it has to be."
All you wanted was for Azriel to be happy, he deserved it more than anyone you knew. Rhys had found Feyre, who you adored tremendously. Cassian had found Nesta, who had become a very good friend of yours. So, you couldn't blame Azriel for believing that Elain was fated to be his, three brothers for three sisters. Even you had to admit that it made sense, The Mother moved in mysterious ways.
You plastered a smile on your face, you vision catching the satin of your new dress moving softly against the breeze, "Maybe it is," Azriel hummed at your words before continuing on, listing everything he adored about Elain.
"I wish sometimes that she was you, you know? That her and I could be like this, with no one watching over us, to be able to spend time alone and do whatever we wanted to do and talk about anything," it was like he didn't realise what he exactly he was wishing for.
Azriel wanted you to be Elain, so that he could have the life he dreamed of. Elain. Not you. Elain.
You weren't good enough for him.
"I hope you get to that point one day, Az," your voice was strained from holding in your strangled sobs, "I'm tired, can we talk about this more tomorrow?"
"Sure," Azriel smiled at you, rising from his seat and heading to the door, standing in the doorway and looking back at your form still glued to your spot, "I like your bow, Y/N. Blue suits you, always has," and then he closed the door behind him, you waited a few moments before letting your sobs flow through your lips and ripping that damned bow from your hair.
Azriel would never see you the way you begged to be seen, and you couldn't sit around and be the one he fell back to when life wasn't going his way.
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More days had passed, more days of Azriel complaining to you, more days of Azriel wishing that Elain and you had switched paths so that he could finally get what he was owed.
Azriel didn't care for your tear stained skin, he didn't care for your weary eyes whenever you spoke of Elain to you.
It was awful that he knew exactly what he was doing, he was abusing your relationship with him, he knew you'd never walk away from him, he knew you'd never be able to put your foot down and tell him to cut it out.
The idea of a mate had him completely obsessed, obsessed to the point that he became blind to what was right in front of him, what had always been in front of him. That blind faith in your loyalty crumbled in his fingers once Rhys had told him that you had decided to purchase your own home in the city, a home away from them all.
"What?" Azriel had asked from his place at the dinner table, bewildered by the news given to them once he had asked where you were.
Nesta knew the exact reason why you had decided you separate yourself from them, you couldn't handle the rejection anymore, and you couldn't begin to heal from the decades worth of heartbreak under the same roof as Azriel and Elain. Nesta knew you held no ill feeling toward her youngest sister, you were too kind for that, you knew it wasn't her fault that Azriel came to you each time something went wrong in their situationship, but that didn't make it hurt any less.
"She left, Az," Mor had cried when Rhys had pulled her to one side that afternoon to tell her that you had decided to move into the home that Rhys had bought you after you had made it clear that you needed your own space, and Rhys had spent an hour trying to convince his cousin that your decision was not impacted by anything any of them did.
"Why didn't you tell me?" Azriel asked his brother who frowned, Feyre grabbed Rhys' hand and squeezed it in hers, "She can't just leave, Rhys."
"She has every right to after everything she's done for all of us, she deserves some peace," Rhys spoke calmly, snapping his fingers and allowing the sentient home to rid the plates and serving dishes from the table.
Azriel was speechless, he felt a frantic pull in his body, one that was poisoned with desperation at the thought of you being anywhere else than under the roof of the River House, the home you had spent a century redecorating and perfecting, paying special attention to each room to make it feel as homely as possible.
He didn't believe it as his chair groaned against the floor and he took off up the stairs toward your room, pushing his way through the doors to find it completely empty. No pictures hanging on the walls, no lines of hooks containing an array of ribbons in different hues, no dresses draped over your mirror, no antique furniture. It was all gone, and the scent of you that was usually so strong that it drowned him was a whisper in the atmosphere.
You had left.
Anger bubbled within him, how could you leave without saying anything? How could you move out of your shared home without a single word? How could you leave him after 500 years at his side?
Azriel flung open the doors to your balcony, a balcony plush with fresh flowers and greenery, he flexed his wings and hurtled himself into the starlit sky, allowing his shadows to peel from his body and search every inch of Velaris until they returned to him reeking of your scent and pulled him down to a small townhouse along the bank of the Sidra.
It was a charming home, pale brickwork, large bay windows, golden light emitting from them, and a large garden full of rich wildlife and botanicals. Your scent flowed from the closed oak door, lavender and honey with a hint of firewood and he found himself following that smell up the winding path until he was knocking on your door.
Golden light flowed from the home as you opened the door. You were dressed in denim overalls that were spatted with cream paint, you hair was loosely bound on the top of your head, and your face was full of uneasy surprise as you looked at him, "Az, what are you doing here?"
Azriel pushed past you and stood in the centre of your hallway, listening to your deep exhale as you closed the door. The space was pretty, it was very you, the walls were half painted cream from their original sage colour that you were obviously painting over, the coving was white and saturated with intricate little sketches of leaves, the carpet was a rich brown and had clearly been laid that day from how interrupted it looked, the only pattern on it being the imprints of your bare feet. Azriel didn't stop his shadows as they extended from him and scoured each part of your new home, nodding with approval and curling around your fingers in understanding adoration.
White sheets were draped over your perfectly placed furniture, to protect it from the paint no doubt, and the same tarp lay at the foot of the walls to protect the carpet. Music drifted softly about the room, and boxes upon boxes of books lay open, with some of them idly placed on shelves to get them out of the way to be sorted properly at a later date.
"It's true? You've really left," he noted the intricately presented kitchen, white cabinets and exposed wooden beams, just like you always wanted.
You rounded him, walking into your new living space, bending down to pick up one of your plant pots before placing it on the window ledge, your back faced him but he could see the pain in your features through the reflection in the window, "Yes, I live here now."
"No. No. You're coming home with me, this is ridiculous," his heart was beating a mile a minute, he couldn't think straight, all that was consuming him was the reality that his fear had come to fruition, that the one person he believed would never leave him had actually walked away.
"I'm not coming back, Azriel," you told him softly, and he saw your shoulders rise and fall with each deep inhale of breath you forced your lungs to take.
Then you turned to him, in the middle of the home that you were trying to make yours, a home away from him, "I thought you'd never leave me. You can't leave me. You're my best friend, I need you."
"No, you don't. You need someone to fall back onto when life isn't going your way, that's all I am to you now," you felt your heart breaking, you felt it shattering in your chest, "I can't be the one you turn to when something becomes between you and Elain. I can't be the one you wish was her. I can't do it anymore, Az. You've taken advantage of me for too long. You promise me the world and show up empty handed. You don't realise I even exist until you need someone to complain to and I just can't do it anymore."
Azriel knew every word you were saying was the truth, he knew he had been using you, but he never expected you to actually walk away from him, you were supposed to love him too much to leave.
Your heart was in the palm of his hands and he knew it, he knew you'd spent hundreds of years falling deeper in love with him each passing day whilst he pined for someone else. The fact of your departure made a bitter monster appear in his mind, he allowed it to tug on the venom in his heart, he allowed it to control him, "Aren't you supposed to be in love with me?"
Azriel watched your eyes widen and a breathless gasp fall from your lips, "You know?"
The Shadowsinger scoffed, "Of course I know. Only a fool wouldn't be able to see it," he saw your face contort into painful sorrow but did nothing to stop himself from saying, "I've known for years. I've known that you'd never leave, you've always been the one that I come to for anything I need and you never complain or tell me to leave. You made it easy to take advantage of you."
A tear slid down your cheek but Azriel made no move to wipe it away, "I want you to leave."
"I'm not leaving without you."
Fire roared in your eyes, "You have no right to command me after what you've knowingly done. I honestly thought that you didn't know, that it was innocent and that you just needed my advice. Now I know that you've willingly abused my kindness, Azriel, you can rot in hell," the tears didn't stop flowing from your eyes, your voice was strained and sore, your chest was so tight that you thought it may stop beating all together, "Get. Out!"
Azriel had left you then, he had left your door wide open and soared into the skies, leaving you in the home that was now tainted by his deceit.
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It had been months since Azriel had seen you, Nesta and Feyre had practically forbid him from going anywhere near your home, that being from the land or sky. But that didn't stop him from allowing his shadows to slither under your front door or linger in the streets, he was desperate to know how you were.
Azriel hated himself for what he had said to you, he hated himself for taking advantage of you. In some way he tried to justify it, you were too good for him, he didn't want to ruin you, but it was clear that he already had.
Your absence had left a void that no one could fill, not even Elain despite her efforts, even the thought of her made his stomach drop and sickness swirl to the point where he couldn't bring himself to be around her. All Elain did was remind him of how he failed you.
Azriel had tried writing to you since you wouldn't see him, he gave the letters to Feyre and Nesta, the latter of which still saw your daily, and grew colder toward him with each passing moment. Even Cassian did nothing to hide his disappointment in him, and Rhys had some very telling words to express once Feyre had told him the truth of what had happened in your home that night.
Nothing was working, things with Elain were strained and difficult, the problems between them so raw and everyone's opinions so disapproving that it created a distance between them that was unmanageable.
Then it dawned on him that nothing was working with Elain because it wasn't meant to. The person who was meant to be his had been under his nose for 500 years, and now wanted nothing to do with him.
Cassian had pulled Azriel from his thoughts by stepping through the threshold of his room, "Are you coming to training?"
"Tell me how to fix it," Azriel lifted his head from his hands and turned his head toward Cassian who sighed in reply, moving to the bed to sit beside Azriel, "I need to know how to fix it."
"Only you can figure that out, Az," Cassian spoke to him, throwing his arm over Azriel's shoulder before continuing, "Y/N loves you Az, she has for 500 years. A few months apart won't change that. You're really fucking stupid for this though, she's the only one of us who knew the exact right thing to do and say every time. Y/N deserves more than the basic requirements of respect, she deserves the world in the palm of her hand and a person who loves her more than he loves himself. Don't bother her unless you can do that."
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It was the anniversary of Selene's death, and the day hadn't gotten any easier for you to deal with.
Rhys and you had made a habit of doing something together each year, though, Azriel was the one to accompany you when Rhys had gone Under the Mountain. The location was sacred to you, you and Rhys would bundle yourselves up in blankets and watch the sun set over the Sidra, you'd rehash old memories and stories, ones that you both knew the script to by heart, but that never got old.
Your High Lord had tried to convince you to come home, but didn't push you when you had told him no. Your life had began to feel rather empty without the family antics that consumed your day-to-day life.
"I miss her," you had told him sadly, your head rested on his shoulder as the sun tipped her toes into the water in the distance, the sky grew darker each passing minute.
Rhys hummed, holding you closer to his side, "So do I," he replied with equal sadness, you had all grown up together, you basically were his sister by blood, and when you both had lost her, it only made him clutch to you more, "She'd nail Az's balls to the wall for sure."
A laugh passed through your lips before it died in your throat, you had done your best to not think about Azriel despite him owning your soul, you had done your best to heal from what he had done, but even then, you missed him more than anything, "How is he?"
It was the first time you had asked about him since before you had moved to your new home which was now fully decorated and yours, thanks to Rhys, Feyre and Nesta who made it their priority to help you settle, "He's-" Rhys couldn't lie to you, he was never able to even when you were younger, "-Not great. He misses you, he hates himself for what he said to you that night."
"I'd hate myself too," you had hummed, shifting to stand on the stone ledge where you and Rhys had sat, wanting a better view of the sun as it began to disappear against the horizon.
A familiar cold kiss pecked at your ankles and you looked down to see those shadows you had missed so dearly meandering around where you stood. Cedar entered your lungs and you shivered in painful delight as his warmth curled around your back.
"Y/N," his voice was deep and rough, it was pleading, you looked to your side and found that Rhys had vanished. That damn meddler. "Please look at me."
Not able to say no to that voice, you indulged the Shadowsinger and turned on the balls of your feet to peer upward at him. Azriel had his wings neatly tucked behind his back, his hands dangled at his sides, and his head was hung low. He looked terrible.
"Why are you here?"
Azriel clenched his jaw, he didn't expect you to be happy to see him, but it didn't stop the self hatred from growing in every single cell of his body, "I know how hard today is for you, I just wanted to see if you were alright."
"Well I'm fine, so you can go now," you made a move to walk away, to take the path down the edge of the Sidra to your home which had become your haven away from reality.
Though, you didn't get very far, perhaps two steps before Azriel's fingers curled around your wrist, stopping you in your tracks and pulling you back to him, "Y/N, I don't even know how to apologise in the way that you deserve. I don't know how to say sorry and make you feel like I see and hear you."
"What I did was disgusting, I hate myself for it. I never should have taken advantage of you like that, you've done everything to help me the entire time that I've known you and I ruined everything for someone I don't even want. I've always wanted a mate, you know that, and I got so carried away with wanting it that I completely ignored the only person who's ever truly loved me for me despite all of the horrid things I have done. Elain isn't you, Y/N. No one compares to you. No one makes me feel safe like you do, no one makes me feel alive like you do, and no one can make me hope for death by their void like you do."
"I am yours, Y/N. I always have been. I couldn't be the reason you ever got hurt, I couldn't be the one to risk extinguishing that glorious fire in your soul. You are the only one I cannot bear to lose, the thought of losing you terrifies me, it always has, and instead of protecting you, I took advantage of you and pushed you away because I would rather hurt someone else with everything that I am than hurt you with just a a part of it."
"I'm so stupid for ignoring you, I'm a prick for using you as my security blanket rather than let you in, you know me better than I know myself, you love me more than I could ever imagine, and it terrified me because I couldn't let myself love you. I couldn't let myself taint you."
Azriel lifted his hands, cupping your face in his palms and you could see every inch of despair within him, that conflicted flame dancing within his soul, "I'm not asking you to forgive me, I don't think I will ever be able to forgive myself after what I've done to you. I'm not asking for anything from you. I just need you to know that no matter how severe your storm, I promise I won't leave your side, I'll stay with you through the howling winds that whip my cheeks raw and red. I will stay and hold you when the night leaves you shivering and give you space when when your searing heat pushes you into a fiery rage. I will stay and love you in whatever way you crave, whether that be from next to you or from wherever you cast me to."
"Azriel-" tears flowed freely from his eyes and you knew he meant every word he was saying. Every single word was being plucked from the core of his essence.
"I know that you're scared, and that you don't trust me. I'm scared too. But you're the only one I can face love with because I only want to feel it with you. At the end of the day I want it to be you and me, I want your early mornings and late nights, I want you on your good days and bad. I will never stop wanting you. I will never stop needing you filling my lungs like oxygen and giving me life."
Azriel dropped his forehead onto yours, and you felt your own cheeks dampening from your own tears at his words, "I love you, Y/N. I will always love you, even if you don't want me to, even if you decide to walk away from me I will not stop loving you. I am so thankful for you, and I know I haven't shown that, but if you give me one more chance, I will show you exactly the man you have made me into. I will give you the world you have always dreamed of. My soul is yours until you stop loving me. Please. Please."
"I can't stop loving you, Az. I've tried but I can't and I don't want to," his thumbs wiped your tears away and you found yourself reaching to rest your fingers on the marred flesh around his wrists, "One more chance. Don't fuck it up."
Azriel pressed his lips to your forehead, relishing in your warmth as you bundled into his chest, "You're mine."
"Take me home, Az."
"Yours or mine?"
You grinned against his chest, "How about ours?"
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Authors Note
I really hope this does the ask justice x
Alternate ending incoming 👀👀
982 notes · View notes
queers-gambit · 2 months
Text
Give Every Man Thy Ear, But Few Thy Voice
title citation: Hamlet
prompt: similar to Penelope Featherington, you overhear your best mate's choice words about you after dancing at a ball.
pairing: Aemond Targaryen x female!Tyrell!reader
fandom masterlist: House of the Dragon
collection masterlist: The Truth Will Out - coming soon collection masterlist: Clingy Baby
word count: 18.3k+
note: SLUTTY ANGST CLUB, COME GET Y'ALL JUICE!
warnings: not edited. heapings of angst, hurt and no comfort, fuck your feelings. tweaked timeline, cursing, Bridgerton influenced, Aemond's both a bestie and an outstanding, fucking asshole - so is this vilified Aemond? eavesdropping trope, nicknamed reader, insecurity, insults, betrayl, abundance of ye ol' misogyny, self destructive tendencies; a single, non-graphic line that alludes suicide as an unserious threat to convey displeasure. there's men being men, men being gossipy little bitches, and the most random Lord of the Rings quote that kinda breaks the fourth wall?
Bridgerton - available to watch on Netflix 🍒 this fic was written before season three premiered
Jacaerys Velaryon version: coming soon
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Tonight was a celebration that echoed across the entire Realm. Lords and Ladies alike with their service maids, House guards, any available singletons flocked to King's Landing for the courting season. They did this annually. Three solid months for eligible singles to make a match and attempt to secure their bond in matrimony.
Ladies wore layers of multicolored fabrics. Lords dressed in embellished tunics. Ladies tied on tight corsets to push their breasts to their necks. Lords shaved their facial hair, appearing "cleaned up". Ladies smelt of exotic perfume and Lords stood in shiny boots. All wore sparkling, gaudy jewelry.
While the Starks of Winterfell and the Umbers of Last Hearth traveled over a month to reach the capital, your family, the Tyrells from Highgarden, had a much more comfortable commute. Greyjoys and Mormonts sailed in from the Iron Islands and Bear Island, Tullys from Riverrun, Royces and Arryns from the Eyrie. Single, available, eligible Hightowers returned under Queen Alicent's sponsorship, Lannisters prowled in from Lannisport, and select few Martells arrived in gorgeous, gloriously golden carriages from Dorne.
Everyone who was anyone descended onto the Red Keep, eager to earn King Viserys' stamp of approval - being that he only granted one couple his presence at their ceremony. It was the highest of honors, a prize to be won, a chance to show off and show out; giving the two bonded families bragging rights until the next season. Plus there's a superstition that all weddings the King attended were prosperous, healthy, and long lasting marriages. There was a buzz in the air, a static of excitement and mystery; tension brewing when the members of court arrived and sized each other up for that first week. You thought they were silly for this energy, akin to strutting peacocks, treating their own like competition, treating bloodlines like currency.
You never realized how many purists there were.
While the other Houses had to travel, you were most lucky to already host residence in the Red Keep. Your uncle, Evin Tyrell, had once been in line to assume lordship over Highgarden, but after losing his son to the War of the Stepstones, Evin turned away from his inherited responsibilities; forcing it onto your father's shoulders. You had several siblings, both younger and older, and eventually got lost in your bustling, busy, arguably large family. Evin had no more children, wife long departed from this life, and was excited by the prospect of being a guardian; insisting you come with him to King's Landing, where he accepted a tutoring position for the King's children and grandchildren.
You were absolutely romanced by the idea of existing among the royal family, telling your father it was your one chance at a decent, higher education - an opportunity to study under the Targaryens being once in a lifetime. Truth be told, you're not entirely sure Lord Tyrell even processed your words, approving with a distracted grunt and a wave; gone by the next morning without even breaking your fast with your family. Evin hooked both your beloved horse and one of your father's young stallions to a wooden cart you shared, using the journey to King's Landing to prepare you for the life you were soon to live.
You had always been a little wild child, so, Evin felt it necessary to remind you of your manners; brushing up on your etiquette, quizzing you on members of the Royal Family, explaining what would be expected of you now that you were a guest to the royals.
For well over a decade, you were the single wildflower blooming through dragon fire, earning the moniker Rose of the Realm; living under Queen Alicent's good grace. She seemed to like you well enough, going as far as to invite you to family events after noticing the bond between you and her openly favorite son, Prince Aemond. Years ago, when you were fresh and new to the Capital City, your uncle brought you to attend Lady Laena Velaryon's funeral on Driftmark at the King's invitation. You already had a friendship with the young royals; keeping Helaena company, trying to sneak Aegon's chalices of wine out of his grip, and when the time came, rushed off over the sandy dunes with your best mate after he told you his plan to lay claim on Lady Laena's dragon, Vhagar.
After the King's heir, Princess Rhaenyra's (rumored) bastard son, Lucerys, slashed Aemond's eye from his socket, you became incredibly close. Impossible close. Like unbelievably close; being thick as thieves, joined at the hip, magnetically pulled towards one another before clicking into tight place. You were his pillar of support, his anchor to reality; and he was your salvation.
You realized you were in love with him when you turned ten-and-six. It was something strange, the two of you studying together in the library and when you looked up from your book to meet his eyes, you just understood. Something in your brain clicked, heart cemented in knowing, guts twisting in sudden realization, words caught in your throat and only letting out an inaudible gasp. Ever since that day, you were acutely aware of anything the Prince did; from the way he would caress the back of your head at each embrace, to his eye darting to look at your lips during conversations. From how he took almost every meal with you, to the way he insisted upon your invitation to family, public, and / or royal events. From the way he absorbed your secrets and opinions, to the way he shared his own - getting back what you put forth, forever mutual.
Being friends - best mates, even - with Aemond was easy. So easy, in fact, that nobody ever batted an eye when they saw the two of you unchaperoned. Your friendship was wholesome, endearing, supportive, enlightening, and pleasurably challenging in the sense that Aemond liked pushing your envelope; testing your boundaries. He set new standards and helped lift you to meet those goals, made you think harder, consider new points of view, expand your humanity.
What more could anyone ask for?
About half way through the current season, your uncle sent for you to join him for afternoon tea in the gardens. "Do you recognize these?" He asked when you arrived at the pavilion he sought shade under, admiring the bushes of florals surrounding the bannister.
"Of course," you smirked, hands behind your back as you stood at his shoulder, "they're honeysuckle."
"Native to only Highgarden, just like I called you in your youth," Evin added, plucking a bloom to admire. "Do you know why they're planted here?"
"I imagine through pollination?"
"A sound guess, but no," your uncle handed you the flower. "These were imported years ago, but have only bloomed now."
You nodded, sucking the bud to extract its honey-sweet taste, asking through puckered lips, "Imported by whom?"
"Do you remember your 17th nameday?"
"Oh, yeah, I guess, it was only a few years ago. You weren't here, you were on some diplomatic matter, right?"
"Inna way. After I concluded my affairs, I returned to Highgarden. You see, Prince Aemond confided in me how he wished to do something special for your birthday and knew you missed home. He asked me to bring these seeds back."
"Aemond asked you to plant honeysuckle?"
"Specifically here," Elvin grinned, "so they were within easy reach."
"So why have they only just now bloomed?" You tried to keep the jittery excitement out of your voice; baffled yet giddy from hearing about Aemond's kind gesture.
"There's an old legend," Evin gestured you to the patio table and chairs that was dressed for your social visit. "It's said, when the honeysuckle is gifted from lover to lover, they will only bloom when love surrounds them. I believe they have come to life this season as a portent to an impending match to be made."
"You spend too much time with Otto, Uncle, you're starting to sound like him - veiling your words and talking in riddles. Tell me why you called me here, Uncle, I know it's not for a botany lesson. Out with it, please, for the sake of my sanity."
Evin chuckled, watching you lean forward to pour two mugs of tea. "I was wondering, sweet niece, what the nature of your relationship is to the Prince Aemond?"
"Oh," you blinked, adding a sugar cube to your brew before stirring in a bit of milk, "well, I hate to disappoint, but I don't know what to tell you, Uncle. We're friends, nothing more or less."
"You seem real chummy."
"We're close, yes."
"Romantic?"
You scoffed, "Uncle, please - "
"Tell me the truth of it."
"Nothing inappropriate or unseemly nor nefarious has occurred between us, Uncle, I promise you. The Prince and I are just friends."
Evin sipped his tea, nodding slowly, "Well, humor me. If I asked who you would marry, who would you choose?"
"Well, as of right now, I'd choose myself since I don't know the men at court yet, only rumors and whispers."
"And if the offer of marriage presented itself, would you marry the Prince?"
"I would do my duty to our House, no matter the suitor."
Evin nodded slowly, "If I said I had struck a pact with the Queen and Hand, what would you say?"
"That despite what I've just said, if you marry me off to Aegon, I'll pitch myself from a window."
Your uncle's head tilted back as he belted short laughter. "I would never condemn you to such a fate, honey girl! Have more faith in me. I speak of Prince Aemond - it's why I asked about him."
"Uncle, speak plainly. Have you attempted to make such a match between the Prince and I?"
"Pending a few logistics, the Crown's interested in the match."
The words echoed in your mind on an obnoxious repeat for the weeks to come, surely living a dream. The longer you dwelled on the impending match, the giddier you felt; a secret smile brightening your features, small spring in your step, an air of positivity hanging around you that even the tiresome Rogue Prince wouldn't be able to taint. The One-Eyed Prince has long been your best mate for a decade, surely, this match would've been offered sooner or later; it was a smart choice, the definition of compatibility.
Some might've referred to this elation as "cloud nine", though you'd say it was cloud 10, 11, 12, 100! You were flying high, feeling good, and mistakenly allowing your hopes to heighten while imagining what marrying your best friend would be like.
You prepared for that evening's courting session with a dreamy, dazed look in your eyes. Even your ladies-maid picked up on your joyful spirit; questioning through her smile, "What's got you so distracted, my Lady? You've been staring off into nothing with that smile for an hour now."
"Huh?" You met her eyes through the vanity mirror, the woman standing behind you to intricately braid your hair. "Oh, no, no, nothing, I'm only lost in thought."
"Which thought?"
"It doesn't matter, it's just a thought. When it becomes a notion, I'll tell you, my friend."
She repeated with a grin, "'Yeah? When's that? Are you expecting good news?"
"Perhaps."
"Fine, fine, keep your secrets," she playfully tugged your hair. "Do you know which dress you'd like to wear tonight?"
"The lilac one," you answered, lips stretching your smile.
"You mean the dress that matches Prince Aemond's eye perfectly?"
You both giggled girlishly.
When you arrived at the Throne Room, there was already more than 75% of guests in attendance; getting a jump on their mingling. You greeted several familiar faces, locating your best mate standing at the side with his arms crossed and shoulder leaning on a pillar. "Well, you certainly look happy to be here," you teased when at his side, leaning on the other side of the intricate column.
"It was Mother's idea, Rosie, you know I do not dance," he frowned. "She's not given up the hunt to make me a match. She's adamant this is the year."
"Perhaps if you participate, you could organically meet your future wife."
"Hmm," his eye rolled, thin lips quirking in a smirk; gaze turned on you, watching you scan the room.
There was another 20 minutes of mingling before dinner was called, laid out on tables that stretched the entire length of the Throne Room. Naturally, like every single day, you and Aemond took side-by-side seats together at a risen table that hosted the royal family which provided an incredible view of those in attendance this eve. With your elbow, you nudged Aemond's bicep, making him lean over instantly so you could speak in his ear quietly. "Looks like Lady Fell and Lord Blackwood are gonna jump each other's bones," you mused, smirking, adding, "though I heard she's already hiding a growing belly and is trying to nab herself someone more mature in age with the intent to trick the Lord into thinking she's having his baby."
"No," he scoffed in amusement.
"Yes!"
"That's diabolical. Blackwood's the father? Truly?"
"I'm pretty sure."
"Good for him, good for Blackwood - didn't know he had it in him." He paused to take a pull from his goblet of wine, continuing, "Hm! Look, look," he grinned coyly, "do you see what I see?"
"It's packed in here, so... No, I don't see whatever you're seeing."
He snickered, "Lady Mormont looks smitten with Lord Greyjoy, looks like she wants to eat him."
"I thought he was romancing Lady Redwyne?"
Aemond hummed in amusement, "Perhaps he is considering options, courting more than one lady. Are we taking bets this season, again?"
You grinned, "Of course."
"Lay out the criteria, what're the parameters?"
After thinking a moment, you answered, "The pairing and timeline of impending weddings?"
"The stakes?"
You just shrugged, "Bragging rights?"
"Oh, c'mon, Rosie," he tisked.
"Fine, uh, how about... 10 Gold Dragons?"
"Both our families have enough money."
"Then you decide the rewards."
He lowered his voice, ensuring his family couldn't eavesdrop, "If you win, I'll go to Highgarden with you next time you visit. But if I win, you have to come flying with me on Vha - "
"No," you snapped instantly.
Aemond smirked, "Those are the terms, my Lady. Do you accept? Or will the Rose of the Realm shy away from challenge?"
Well, when you put it that way...
"Fine," you relented. "You're eager to lose so bad, let's do it. Who do you think will couple first?"
"Does it count if I get at least one correct? Such as, if I predict Lord Umber and Lady Lannister, but Umber marries Lady Tully, does it count that I still predicted Umber?"
You mulled his idea over, humming, stabbing a piece of roast goose from your plate to place in your mouth and chew thoughtfully. "Hmm, no, no, you gotta get the couple completely correct."
Aemond nodded, accepting your terms, "You really don't wish to go flying, do you?"
"What gave me away?"
Sharing a chuckle, Aemond finished, "All right, Rosie, bring it on."
When dinner concluded, once more, patrons were allowed to mix and mingle; dancing to the live band, drink spiced wine to their heart's desires. Like the common wallflowers you were, you posted at the side of the room with Aemond, content to watch the sea of vying adults trying to establish and rush courtship. It was the most comfortable you could be at these events, being anxious in judgmental crowds and seeking salvation from Aemond's domineering aura.
"Lady Tyrell," Jason Lannister purred as he approached you with his chest puffed out, "I was hoping to hold your ear tonight. Your father was telling me about your love to ride horses."
"Oh, my father said that?"
"That's who he said he was - "
"My father's in Highgarden, my Lord," you corrected, knowing for fact that Evin always described himself as your uncle.
"Ah, well, right," Jason cleared his throat in embarrassment. Did this pompous arsehole just lie about talking to your father to give the illusion he was an honorable man? That your father approved of the golden headed Lannister? "Perhaps you would honor me with a dance?"
"Perhaps not," Aemond cut in sharply, bringing the tension to focus.
"My Lord," you distracted, on behalf of Aemond's anger, "uh, thank you for asking, that's very kind of you. Though I'm afraid, I'm all, uh, danced out. I won't be on my feet much longer."
"Means fuck off, Lannister," Aemond growled, appearing positively murderous at the honey blonde's audacity.
Jason eyed Aemond, stiffly bidding, "I see. My Prince, my Lady, enjoy your evening."
You bid the older widower the same, Aemond chuckling the moment the lion was swallowed by the crowd. "As if you'd ever dance with a Lannister, let alone court him," he mused, looking down at you. "But he had the right idea, you need to dance at least once. Shouldn't waste this dress standing on the side with me."
"I'm quite comfortable here with you," you shrugged off, seeing your uncle at the royal banquet table exchanging hushed words with King Viserys and his Queen, Alicent.
"C'mon," he held his hand in offer, palm up.
"What? No, no, Aemond, I'm not dancing - I've two left feet!"
"You can break every toe on my feet and I'd still ask you. Just one dance. With me, Lady Tyrell."
"You don't dance!"
"Perhaps the mood has taken me. C'mon, petal."
Your head turned from left to right as if looking for someone spying on you. The moment your hand laid daintily in his, you melted right there on the spot, not having any coherent recollection about how you ended up in the middle of the overzealous contenders. You realized you'd follow this man anywhere.
Beating off your immense anticipation and overwhelming excitement to join The One-Eyed Prince for an intimate activity, you kept your composure amongst everyone else. But, my Gods, did you want to scream in delight the moment he placed one hand on your waist and the other clasping yours to raise in the air at your side. But in this position, you could feel the ridges of his stomach - making you briefly feel embarrassed, wondering how you must've looked to the members of court.
"You sure about this?" You whispered nervously, but you had a feeling that was due to the intense concentration he pinned you with.
"We'll be fine, Rosie, just breathe and follow my lead. I got you."
So launched your dance with Prince Aemond Trgaryen, second son of King Viserys. You couldn't divert your gaze from his porcelain, angled face to save you from overthinking your dancing skill - or lack there of. A few times, he'd smirk and whisper how good you were doing, mind flashing to an image of you and he, married, tumbling in bed sheets together while he praises you. Everything he did became sinful to you; every touch, every glance, every smile, every private studying session setting your skin on fire and heart to beat rapidly.
It was a longer song, string instruments creating a pleasant, ideal, slow-paced, soft environment. Yet you couldn't hear the music, too focused on Aemond's single piercing eye and quirked lips. It was as if the two of you existed outside of time and reality, forgetting the people packed in the stuffy room. Aemond told you softly, "See? You're not so bad at dancing - you just need the right partner."
You wanted to be partnered every single dance from now until your death with Aemond.
"I thought you couldn't dance?" You coyly questioned.
"I said I don't dance, not that I couldn't."
To your idle shock, Aemond gave you a few twirls that made your hair and dress fan around you in an angelic motion. Dare you say it, you even laughed with mirth when you found yourself enjoying the courting season more than ever before - all thanks to your best friend and hopefully, soon-to-be intended. You were acutely aware of his hot and heavy hands holding your flesh, knowing this feeling would burn into your skin to remind you of his closer-than-close proximity. To remind you of his gentleness, to remind you of this dance and the way he gave you his complete and undivided attention.
When the musicians concluded the song, you were grinning authentically while joining in the applause to show appreciation towards the artists.
"Gods," you panted, "that nearly winded me. Think I'm out of shape."
"And you said you had two left feet," he mocked with a scoff, head shaking, but the smirk on his lips told you he wasn't serious. "You're a natural, Rosie."
"You're not such a bad dancer yourself, my Prince," you complimented, the applause subsiding as a new song began. "Though you'll have to excuse me while I get a drink."
You parted way in search of two empty goblets and one of the servants carrying decanters of spiced wine. After being served, you rocked on your toes to try and gaze over the heads populating the room. You were unsuccessful, so, you backed up to the edge of the crowd and moved around the involuntary empty loop along the wall, behind the pillars. There was no reason finding the white haired prince with an eyepatch would be this difficult, yet, you got more than halfway around the room before finally locating him.
Once again, he was leaning on a column, but he wasn't alone. No, there was a gaggle of Lords around him, all exchanging chatter about the Ladies they had to choose from this season.
"Well, c'mon, what about you, Aemond?" Cregan Stark pondered. "Things with The Rose look like they're escalating - congrats. Are wedding bells on the horizon?"
Hearing your name, you quickly scurried behind the same pillar, just out of sight but able to still listen. Look, eavesdropping was highly frowned upon, you knew it was bad manners, but if you heard men gossiping about your name, you would've done the exact same!
Aemond scoffed in pure amusement, "Come off it, Stark."
"No, c'mon, mate, I saw you two," Cregan continued, "dancing together, pressed all close."
"You two make a handsome match, logistically speaking," Paxtan Florant labeled. "Could marry someone abundantly worse, I think you two are quite the pair."
"Handsome and logical as it may look, there's no possibility I'd court the Lady Tyrell, let alone marry her," Aemond declared with a chuckle, your heart stalling and brows wrinkling together. "The Tyrells only just obtained their name in court, they're still too low born for a prince to entertain. Peasants like that are uneducated, prominently not intelligent enough to be my counterpart; uncultured, unwise, unable to retain most information we study during lessons."
You blinked in shock. If anything, you were Aemond's ONLY intellectual counterpart!
"So, she's not as smart as you, mate, so what?" Cregan cocked his head. "You don't need smart, you need fertile and capable."
Though he was attempting to defend you, Cregan's words made your skin prickle. How could they think you weren't intellectually on their level? Was it because you were a woman? You read the same books, attended the same tutoring sessions, was questioned on the same material they were and hardly ever answering incorrectly! And yet now you're reduced to your reproduction system?
The Prince scoffed, "Think about it, if I married a Tyrell, their lowly standing would taint the Targaryen bloodline."
"So, it was all an act?" Paxtan snickered, "C'mon, mate, you two looked dazed, all enamored with each other. Can't convince us there's nothing there, not after that."
Aemond chuckled, "You want the truth?"
"Lay it on us."
"I shared a single dance with her because I pity her. Don't any of you? The way she all but repels suitors? Surely, you've noted her dresses as well? They're terribly revealing, unlike anything a proper lady would don. No self respecting woman nor future princess of mine would wear something like that. It's as if she's so desperate for attention that she has to flaunt her flesh just to get a man to look at her since her personality surely doesn't reel suitors to her."
The men laughed, your mouth dropping open in offense. You're not chasing men away - look what happened with Jason Lannister! It was Aemond who told him to fuck off! After years of friendship, was this truly what Aemond thought of you? How did it come to this - the man you loved, the man you considered your best mate, slandering your name to any able ear willing to listen? How could he speak such calamities about you? Was this entire friendship a folly, just a cover for his pity? Was he only your 'friend' to entertain his own selfish boredom?
Was everything just in your head?
"I don't know, I like how she dresses," Tyler Lannister mused, the teenaged son of Tyland Lannister, Jason's twin brother.
"None the less, I find desperation unattractive in a woman," Aemond rejected, tears gathering in your eyes to silently stream down your cheeks. "Besides, Lady Tyrell isn't my type, she talks far too much. Truly, there's never a moment of silence, I cannot even hear my own thoughts when she's prattling - and it's never anything of substance, just useless nonsense. It's as I said, it was a pity dance, I felt sorry that she has little to no suitors."
"Seriously, mate, have you considered the reason she has no suitors might be because of her proximity to you? They might stay away because they feel threatened by your friendship, thinking she's spoken for - and trust me, no man here would dare compete against a prince for a lady's affection," Cregan scoffed, mildly disgusted by Aemond's choice words.
"The courts know there's no affection shared between Lady Tyrell and I. We are simply friends - no more or less - and that's as far as our relationship will ever progress."
Cregan hummed, nodding his head sarcastically. Then his curiosity questioned, "Answer this: are you attracted to her?"
"Truthfully, I just don't think she's... Attractive enough to be my wife. She's a pretty lass, I'll admit, but if she's called the Rose of the Realm, I fear to learn the appearance of other ladies from Highgarden." A few lads chuckled. "Additionally, there will be public outings I must attend, and as my wife, the people will expect to see someone alluring - someone qualified and fit for the position as a princess of the Realm. Someone stunning and worthy of the title, able to fulfill royal responsibilities."
"Gods, why're you so against this match? You're being terribly superficial, judgmental, and defensive - she's your friend, after all. Wouldn't this be a love-match? Do you know how rare those are?" Luras Arryn snarled, sounding genuinely distraught and jealous.
"And if you're so against her, why do you constantly escort her to formal events?" Arnas Blackwood tacked on. "It creates the illusion that you're courting, my Prince, surely you're aware of that."
"As I stated, her blood isn't pure, but she's also criminally clingy. She's always lingering around and I feel awkward not inviting her to royal events - since she's right there, all alone, in front of me. I only invite her out of obligation. Again, I take pity on the girl, knowing when she leaves the Red Keep, she'll never experience this life again."
"Well, if not the Rose of the Realm, who do you have your sights on?" Luras Arryn asked stiffly.
Aemond's smirk was clear as day, answering swiftly, "The Lady Floris Baratheon is appealing enough."
The lads obnoxiously cheered in supportive approval, directing the conversation in a new direction about how bloody gorgeous Floris was - one of them even mentioning she deserved the nickname, Rose of the Realm.
You heard enough, more than enough, more than you ever wanted to know in an entire lifetime; rightfully insulted past belief and violently nauseated, feeling cold and mechanical. As swiftly as you could, you rushed to set the goblets down and speed walk towards the doors, shoving past both individuals and couples; not wanting to linger where you're clearly not wanted. Where you were apparently not welcome. After making your inconspicuous getaway, tears fell faster than earlier, mind replaying Aemond's words while sprinting to your chambers.
Describing you as clingy, desperate, unattractive, not his type. Dubbing you an improper lady who lacked self respect. Thinking you talk too much - that you prattle nonsense. Labeling you unworthy and unqualified to be his wife or assume the title princess with all the relating responsibilities. How he pities you and doesn't ever want to be more than your friend; thinking you're uneducated, uncultured, unwise. Declaring House Tyrell peasants who would taint his family's pure bloodline. How you 'have' to flaunt your flesh to attract suitors - since your personality did you no favors. Marking you a friend out of obligation...
Were you even friends? Did you even understand the definition of a friend? Have you been operating in a delusion this whole time?
In the words of King Théoden: how did it come to this?
Feeling utterly humiliated, you ran away from your peers; lungs heaving, huffing and puffing, panic ready to overflow. You burst through the wooden door, fully sobbing by now, engaging the iron lock and dropping to lean your weight against it.
Most, if not all, of your insecurities were aired out like soiled bedsheets for all eligible bachelors to know. Aemond might as well have hung a painted wooden sign around your neck: DESPERATE AND CLINGY LOSER - DO NOT ENGAGE.
Nothing about this situation felt normal, it all felt terribly impossible; absolutely heartbreaking and vile, like it was some kind of bad dream. But everyone woke up from dreams. You'd never wake up from this, you'd be forced to remember and relive it day after day. Tonight would haunt you, cast a dark shadow around you as if a thick, temperamental, torrential storm. Yet every storm eventually breaks, but tonight, there was no remedy, no shelter, no protection - you had to weather this alone.
It felt foreign, enduring anything by yourself. For years, Aemond was your partner, always at your side, level headed, insightful and wise; supportive, protective, calming, and something like a safety net when you faced trouble. Now, he's left you devastatingly alone; where after tonight, the very idea of being in the same room as him made you nauseated and anxious, fearful and small.
In that moment, your brain screamed that you were no longer welcome in the Red Keep - Uncle Evin's position be damned.
You sat on the stone cold floor for the better part of half an hour before your bottom turned painfully numb. After sluggishly hiking up your dress skirt, you removed your shoes and tossed them aside, standing to swollen feet to unhook your jewelry and place everything in their safe and proper place. Then, a particular necklace made of red rubies set in a thinly crafted Valyrian Steel chain caught your eye and mocked you. It was Aemond's gift on your ten-and-eighth nameday, laid in a plush velvet case for adequate preservation. This simple piece of jewelry was your absolute favorite in your collection, a treasure beyond words of appreciation that you greatly admired, now rusting in salty tears.
Being gifted this necklace had once convinced you Aemond might've felt the same for you as you do him. You remember even trying to rationalize it as a sign that the One-Eyed Prince was at a loss and didn't know how to confess his feelings. That he was shy, perhaps afraid to ruin your friendship if you didn't feel the same.
Angry tears of betrayal fell like acid over your cheeks, gritting your teeth, clenching your jaw as you snapped the velvet box closed and with a barbaric grunt, hurled it (with impressive strength) across the room. You felt so confused, so lost; deceived, lied to, and puppeted - and then the anger flared again when you realized what family you were angry with.
Why bother being upset, emotional, distressed? You had no right because your feelings truly didn't matter - not in the grand scheme of things. Nobody cared about your trivial feelings! You were just a Tyrell and by comparison, a peasant nobody who never deserved, earned, warranted, or was bestowed respect. In fact, to the Targaryens up on their mounted pedestals, none of you mattered - not a citizen in all Seven Kingdoms.
In fact, it was almost treated as a curse to not be a Targaryen. Some kind of punishment for daring to exist amongst the privileged royals as a lowborn - which, despite your family's newly established status in court, you were still characterized as. In their eyes, anyone NOT a Targaryen was lowborn; deemed unworthy to the white haired bloodline, being merely tolerated for the sake of politics, strategy, and reproduction. It was a sick game, and the Targaryens always won.
They do what they want, when they want, with no consideration towards other people's safety, emotions, wellbeing, stability, or comfort. The Targaryens were always stationed above everyone because, after all, they were closer to Gods than men; entire family spoiled, entitled, narcissistic, holier than thou, avoidant of any and all consequence.
They're legendary. Untouchable and worshipped.
And you? You're just a Tyrell, the tiny beetle trampled under the God's boot. Beetles were essential to any ecosystem, similar to the Tyrell's providing to the Realm productions of wheat, grain, barley, and corn. Similar to your family, beetles are also disposable - meaning the Targaryens might tolerate you, but they never need respect you. They could stomp you into the ground whenever they wanted because where one beetle died, three more takes place. Where one House might falter and fall, become doomed, eradicated, or subcomes to tragedy, others step up in an effort to establish their usefulness; prove their House's necessity to the Realm's ecosystem, attempt to diminish the threat of being razed to the ground by dragon fire.
Why be so upset with the Targaryens when they can do no wrong? What right did you have? And how could you ever think a Prince of the Realm would remotely be romantically interested in you?
You felt delusional and pathetic, crying over a man who was never in your league. Yet betrayal gutted you like a fish, a bright reminder that your friend would expose you like that; offer loud disrespect, speaking hatefully, to finally voice hidden malcontent. It felt impossible to stomach that your first friend, your favorite person, secretly hated you.
Because how could he not? You did not love anyone you could speak so lowly of.
Sobbing harder, you yanked pins out of your hair, working at break-neck speed to strip from your gown, then freezing when you caught a glimpse of yourself in the vanity mirror. The reflection looked distraught with exhausted red eyes; glowing in defeat, in a desperate need for a long, hot soak in the washtub. With shaking hands, you tossed a spare blanket over the mirror, despising the sight of yourself as Aemond's words continued to ring on a loop in your ears.
Clingy, desperate, unattractive, not his type. Improper, lacks self respect, talks too much, lacks suitors. Unworthy, unqualified, pitiful, never desiring to bloom past friendship - which is constructed around obligation. Uneducated, uncultured, unwise. Unfit, tainted, lowborn blood with a lowly personality. Revealing, tempting dresses.
Your mind, heart, and head screamed that no matter how hard you hoped, prayed, and tried, you'd never have a place among the Targaryens. Yelled that Aemond's right: you're ugly on the inside and out; damaged goods, undesirable - all because you were not born amongst fire and blood. Bellowed about your lack of quality, purpose, contribution. Reminded you that the one person you trusted unconditionally never truly wanted to be your friend; that he spoke horrendously on your name when absent, didn't value who you were - and never did.
He took every insecurity you confided in him and weaponized it; used it against you, made it into a joke with people you didn't trust nor want to know about you...
You sunk into the bath water, submerging as if to hide from your own thoughts.
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The knock at your chamber door didn't surprise you. Servants and your uncle had been coming and going since you first refused to leave the morning after the ball. You figured Aemond would come around eventually, too curious for his own good and still under the impression he had to play "friend", thinking his deceit was unknown to you.
Aemond called your name through the door, asking, "You awake? Could I come in?"
You didn't answer.
He sighed, "C'mon, I know you're there. You haven't been seen in four days, you have to eat. You should get some air, feel the sunshine."
Silence.
Aemond frowned, "When you're ready, come find me, petal. I'm worried about you."
You wiped the tears off your cheeks, pulling your knees to your chest. For four days, you couldn't stomach the idea of running into the Prince, just wanting to avoid anyone or anything that would remind you of what Aemond said. You understood there were several decisions left to be settled, lost in an endless rampage of confusing emotions, maids bring you full trays of food and removing them with more than half still left.
Humiliation knotted in your chest, the harrowing thought of punishing yourself for being so stupid something you couldn't fight. All you registered was the feeling of betrayal, something that inked into every single thought you had, but with it came sinking realization that you were done. Simple as that.
On the sixth night, you sat with Uncle Evin, forking through your full plate and blurting, "Don't do it."
He paused to finish the bite in his mouth, "Do what, honey girl?"
"Don't - Don't make a match with Alicent and Otto. Don't make the arrangement with Prince Aemond."
Evin nodded slowly, washing his bite down with a mouthful of wine. "There a reason for your change of heart, love? The Queen thinks it's a handsome pairing. Just before, you seemed content with the match - dare I say, you seemed pleased?"
"Things change, Uncle," you spoke evenly, "and I can't shoulder this responsibility. In fact, I... I do not think I'm capable of making my own match. I will be stepping away from courting for the time being."
Your eyes seemed distant and dark, proving serious. So Elvin agreed easily, allowing you to withdrawal from the current season officially. He understood something was deeply amiss and didn't want to make worse whatever turmoil you teetered in. He didn't want to upset you and make things worse - you obviously had enough going on.
Aemond knocked again the next day, "Petal? You awake?" But you didn't answer. He sighed, "You've been missing lessons, love, and I just... I brought you some books. Thought maybe you'd like to catch up?" When there was no answer, he ended, "I'll just leave them here for you, petal... I'm not sure what's wrong, but I hope you're all right in there... I miss you."
You scoffed quietly, wiping your tears.
Ten days after withdrawing from the courting season, you left your chambers for the first time. But it wasn't like anything changed - it was still as if you were invisible, like a ghost. Losing your best mate turned you silent, refusing to attend lessons and since Aemond was your source for solace, had turned to seeking shelter at the Sept. It was the easiest way to avoid everyone - mostly Aemond.
He had shunned the religion the older he got, though respected his mother's devotion to it in trying times. He couldn't remember the last time he was in the Sept... So, it was perfect for you; a safe space.
You were no longer seen in the library - a once daily occurrence. If you ever wanted to read, you sent your ladies maid to collect content for you; but the drive to learn and read had abandoned you as swiftly as Aemond's loyalty. The stables grew cold in your absence, refusing to ride; something that troubled your uncle gravely. No longer did you take meals with family or Aemond, always seeking solitude to eat alone in your room or the physical kitchens; the Red Keep growing dark over your lack of sunshine - that had shone so brightly in the previous weeks. Even then, when you ate, it was in small quantities to only sustain yourself; mostly feeling nauseous when food was put on your stomach.
The first time Aemond saw you, you were returning from the Sept in a dress that reached close to your pulse point of your neck. He tried to get to you, but you slipped through the cracks of the Keep and disappeared when he dodged around a set of Kingsguard. Yet it was still a comfort to him to know you had left your room finally.
He knocked on your door about half an hour later, but like usual, you didn't answer.
"Rosie?" Aemond called, sighing. "I know you've not been feeling yourself, but, uh, tomorrow's Helaena's nameday. We're having dinner for her on the terrace..." He waisted, not hearing a single thing from within your chamber. "You're invited, as usual, petal. Your uncle said he'd attend, wanted you to know you're always welcome at our table."
But you didn't show up, you couldn't bear to see any of them.
You didn't eat that night, you were far too anxious and spiteful against yourself that you refused to allow yourself to indulge in celebrating your companion.
Despite withdrawing, you still heard rumor of all the matches being made and the courtships established through your ladies maid. A cord struck in your gut when you heard the couples you had bet upon were public and engaged, but so were Aemonds... Which meant you both won; and if things were different, would mean a flight on Vhagar to visit Highgarden. On nights of merriment, you would sit alone in the Godswood sometimes; attempting to connect to the Old Gods, but they never spoke back. They never connected with you.
Tonight, you were under the blood red leaves in earnest curiosity; quiet, just as you had been since the day you found out Aemond's betrayal and discouraged your uncle from making a match. It was there Elvin found you, frowning as he took a seat beside you in the grass.
"The Old Gods do not speak to me," Elvin offered softly.
"Nor I," you whispered.
"Yet I always feel at peace here," he nodded, sighing deeply. "I must ask you something, honey girl."
"Hmm?"
"Do you... Do you wish to depart? From King's Landing, I mean?" He questioned. "I ask because I intend to ride for Highgarden, your father's nameday nears. Your mother intends to throw him a grand celebration, since turning 50 seems such a milestone."
"You ride for home?"
"Tomorrow morning."
You paused, then answered, "I would like that... There's nothing left for me here."
Aemond's words had done irreparable damage, making you feel worthless and alone. Bitter. Damaged and unworthy of any such match; forever worrying if your best friend could harbor such ill will and hatred for you, surely, a husband would as well. Yet you were not new to being a woman; you knew the role you were to play, how marriage was strategic and calculated. Political. You could be a wife, you were so sure of it; but would you ever feel worthy of love? You feared you never would.
"We will stay a few weeks."
"I don't know if I would like to return, Uncle."
He offered a sad smile, "I figured as much. But should you want to, feel able to, you may return. You, my sweetling, are always welcome at my side."
You leaned into his shoulder, sighing softly. "I should thank you," you whispered in the wind.
"For what?"
"For taking care of me all these years," you lifted off him to meet his eyes. "You didn't have to, but you wanted to... And you've shown me a father's love when I thought it gone from my life. Thank you, Uncle."
He pressed a lingering kiss to your forehead, humming, "Don't tell the others but you were always my favorite. I consider it a great pleasure to raise such a gorgeous young lady - and I mean that, honey girl. Inside and out. Now," he pulled back and found his feet, offering his hand to you, "come, we've packing to complete."
"Of course."
However, while in the midst of packing, you felt a jolt in your heart. This had been your home of a decade or more; these people were who you grew and learned with. Who influenced your life in the best and worst of ways; they did not deserve to read your praise and thanks for friendship in a letter... So, you swung a cloak on and ventured out of your room.
Otto was first since he was the easiest to say goodbye to. He was gracious of your parting words of thanks; telling him how much you appreciated his wisdom and riddles.
Aegon was next. He insisted you share a last goblet of wine together - since you did not intend to delay your parting. It turned into a bit of a drinking game with his mates, but you didn't mind; far too used to the company of these debaucherous lechers. Dare you say, you enjoyed yourself.
Helaena was after, your words harder to say as your emotions strangled you. She was a sweet girl, an endearing companion, constant and dependable, albeit a bit strange and unorthodox. But you loved her all the same and cried tears of sadness when hugging her tightly as a last ditch effort to convey your gratitude for her authentic and generous friendship.
You only offered Ser Criston Cole a soft, "Farewell."
Alicent was perhaps hardest to say goodbye to. After Aemond, you were probably closest with the matriarch and found her wisdom and lessons a privilege to learn. She was kind to you; usually with a stern hand, but that was because she could recognize the little girl you once were who missed her mother tremendously. She introduced you to religion, another common bond. She encouraged you, supportive and curious; sharing affinity for the histories, often reading to one another for moments of peace.
Saying goodbye to Alicent hurt. You both shed tears of sorrow, the Queen wishing you the very best and insisting you return for her nameday and other celebratory events. She told you to write, told you to keep in touch; insisting if and when a match was made, to invite her since she would love to attend your wedding. Truly, Alicent considered you one of her own and to know you were departing in pain wounded her.
King Viserys was last. He was already in bed, half-asleep, a Maester at his side; but still, he accepted your audience. You thanked him for his hospitality and kindness - especially to your uncle. You thanked him for hosting you, for allowing you residence at the Keep and the for the years living under royal privilege. You told him you'd not forget his generosity.
You returned to your chambers after that and finished packing. You didn't sleep.
When morning broke, you stood in the courtyard with Elvin; packing the wagon you would use, your horse tacked and waiting as you both intended to ride. Alicent and Helaena came to see you off, hugging you tightly one last time before the Queen offered you a handheld velveteen case. "Just a little something to remember us by," she smiled lightly.
"Oh, as if I'm in a hurry to forget you?" You mused. "My Queen, this is too much, I cannot accept."
"You have not opened it."
"I do not need to, I know you," you smirked. "Your leadership these years is enough gift, my Queen."
"I'm not taking it back, you might as well accept it," she insisted. "Helaena and I picked it out together..."
You lifted the case lid, blinking in shock and gasping lightly. There laid a gorgeous chain necklace of Valyrian Steel, a dragon pendant dangling from front with gems of bright emerald - surely a representation of the Hightower side.
"Thank you, Your Grace, my Princess," you breathed, closing the case and caressing it to your chest. "It's more generous than I deserve but will treasure for the decades to come."
Queen Alicent nodded and pecked your forehead, leaving you alone with Helaena to speak with Elvin. The moment her mother was gone, the Princess asked, "Did you say goodbye to Aemond? I'm surprised he's not here."
"No," you spoke softly, "I cannot, Helaena, it is too painful to even look at him - let alone share words of parting. I have nothing left to say, no more words for him."
She frowned, "You know... I don't think he meant what he said. He says things he does not mean when anxious or feeling as if he's cornered."
Your head cocked, "What? H-How do you know what's been said?"
"I saw it - in one of my dreams."
You sighed, "I know you mean well - "
"I just do not wish for you to think that is his honest opinion about you."
"If it wasn't, he would not have spoken so loudly for so many to hear. Your brother has never sounded so sure, Helaena, I do not wish to relive it."
She sighed and nodded, "Will you write?"
"Every week," you promised, the two of you meeting foreheads and breathing as one. "Take care of yourself, Helaena."
"You, too, Rosie," she smiled, letting you depart. Alicent clipped your new necklace in place and gvae you a final hug, watching you mount your horse, stare at the pair for a moment longer, then follow your Uncle Elvin out of the courtyard.
As you rode down the streets, Aemond came sprinting out of the Keep in a blind panic after running into Aegon in the hall. Normally, Aemond wouldn't have bat an eye at his hungover brother, but he had said something about you drinking him under the table and demanded to know what Aegon meant. Upon hearing you had "left", Aemond sprinted to your bed chambers and didn't even knock - just burst in.
Never before had the Prince felt such anger as when he learned you had left King's Landing without saying goodbye. Without a single word to him - as if the past decade+ hadn't meant anything! He needed to know, Aemond needed to see for himself the truth because surely, someone was mistaken. His brother, surely still drunk and misremembering because there was no possible way you could've left! Not without Aemond! Not without a word! He refused to believe it.
He panted, tears gathering in his eye, finding your room bare and stripped. Aemond's breathing picked up in panic, hands shaking as he stepped into your room; looking, desperately, for any sign of life. But there was nothing... Nothing, save for a letter addressed to him left on your table with the ruby necklace he gifted you for your 18th nameday.
Gingerly, Aemond reached out and plucked up the necklace. He frowned, petting the jewels in disbelief; noting the way a few were missing, some loose - evidence of your anger. Slowly, Aemond sunk into a chair and with the necklace still in hand and his heart hammering in his chest in a rattle, opened your letter.
Aemond ― I know you'll be the one to find this, of that, there's no doubt. Sooner or later, you will learn of my departure and come looking, and for that, for being unable to say anything in person, I am sorry. Though this might come as a shock, it shouldn't as I would hate to give you the satisfaction of being right by burdening you with a desperate goodbye. I would hate for you to think I am clingy, even after our friendship died. So, I figure a letter is better than nothing. Goodbye, Aemond. Though all a lie and dedicated ruse, thank you for the years of friendship. You made time in the Red Keep pleasant enough. ― Rosie
Aemond sprinted to the courtyard, flinging open doors and shoving past patrons; desperate to find you, understanding you overheard him all those weeks ago and needing to apologize. He needed to explain himself, the confirmation now that Aemond was the cause of your pain and reclusion? His heart was about to burst. He skidded to a halt in the dirt, turning left and right and in a circle as he realized the gates were open and you were not in sight.
"Aemond?" Helaena questioned softly, Alicent taking to her side. "Brother?"
"Wh-Where is she?" He panted. "Rose - Rose - Rosie, where is she? Where is she!?"
"She's gone, Aemond," Alicent frowned, shaking her head slowly; startled by his desperate tone, "gone with her uncle back to Highgarden."
"When? When? When did they leave!?"
"She's gone, brother," Helaena snipped, sending him a look of disappointment; ears ringing from her dream, repeating what he had said to you.
Aemond swallowed harshly, asking his sister, "She heard me, didn't she? I know you know, Helaena, please, tell me. She heard me?"
The Princess nodded and walked away, the One Eyed Prince turning to his mother in desperation and for the first time in 10 years, perhaps more, he collapsed in her arms. Emotion clawed at his chest and into his throat, starting to tremble, sniffing heatedly; his mother's arms tight and comforting.
"I love her," he whispered.
"I know," Alicent answered, "but she should've been the one you told." A pause and her hand lifted to caress the back of his head, just like when he was a child. "It's too late now, Aemond. She's gone."
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requesting rules and masterlist
HOTD masterlist
does this count towards the Clingy Baby collection? since Aemond technically calls her clingy amongst other things?
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simping-acefully · 8 months
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Ep 3 got me acting really unwise
Nsfw headcanons for Laios under the cut (gn unspecified partner for Laios)
Warnings: NSFWish, probably ooc, reader insert implied?, probably not very sexy because I used this for character analysis.
A = Aftercare (what they’re like after sex)
Laios is very attentive, though he's also very insecure when it comes to engaging with others. So I imagine he'd be a little clumsy, though very eager to provide the best aftercare for his partner. He's also very cuddly.
B = Body part (their favorite body part of theirs and also their partner’s)
The favorite part of his own body are his hands. They are strong and calloused, and he's used them to protect others and to create new stuff! (Aka, cooking) the fact that those hands can also help him please a partner is a plus.
On a partner? Probably lips. I imagine Laios struggles to read people's facial expressions (the 'tism go brr) but seeing his partner's smile is reassuring. He also really likes running his thumb over them and maybe getting his fingers nibbled.
C = Cum (anything to do with cum, basically)
He cums a lot.He has tasted his own cum out of curiosity in the past, too. And if he had a partner that ejaculated or squirted he would be delighted to taste it all.
D = Dirty secret (pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)
He has probably jerked off to thoughts of his partner before they get together and it's eating him alive :(
E = Experience (how experienced are they? do they know what they’re doing?)
Zero experience, lots of book knowledge though! He's confused but he's got the spirit. Will need some leading at first, but he's a quick learner and is curious enough to experiment and try new things once he's gained confidence.
As an ace myself, I like to think that Laios is either ace too, or has a low drive and thus, sexual intimacy is a matter of doing something intimate and unique with a partner.
F = Favorite position (this goes without saying)
Any position that will allow him to see his partner's face for smooching! The emotional intimacy is the most important part for him.
G = Goofy (are they more serious in the moment? are they humorous? etc.)
He tries to be serious to the point he's almost uptight. But his clumsy and eager nature ends up organically devolving into somewhat goofy intimacy.
H = Hair (how well groomed are they? does the carpet match the drapes? etc.)
The carpet matches the drapes, but this man keeps it all natural because ?? Why would he waste time/energy on such things??? (Aka, he's not used to grooming the area, but he would do an effort if asked)
I = Intimacy (how are they during the moment? the romantic aspect)
Very!! The main driving force for the act. Laios is constantly kissing and checking with his partner. He loves them so much and this is a physical way to convey those feelings!
He holds hands with his partner, kisses their face and neck and tries to keep them as close as possible, the mental image of melting into a puddle together comes to mind.
J = Jack off (masturbation headcanon)
Doesn't do it often, but when he does it's more of a thing of connecting with his own body than getting rid of any urges. He won't be able to get off unless he's in a good mood.
K = Kink (one or more of their kinks)
Has a wee bit of a praise kink that he doesn't fully understand.
Shibari is one he wants to delve into, too. There's something to be said about the artistry of the knots, and the feeling of compression can be quite comforting.
L = Location (favorite places to do the do)
Probably his partner's bed. He shares a room with Falin, so intimacy on his place is a no-no. He doesn't particularly enjoy motels or inns either because he feels kind of self conscious/pressured to perform within a time limit. He was to take things slow and he wants to cuddle to sleep afterwards, dammit!
M = Motivation (what turns them on, gets them going)
I think his biggest driving force is an emotional connection. He craves to be understood and loved, so feeling that coming from his partner will make him want to show his appreciation in a physical way.
Probably jealousy is another good way to make Laios seek out his partner. He wants reassurance, to kill any doubts in his mind and any lingering feelings of inadequacy.
Also adrenaline too! Sometimes when the blood is pumping, his mind wanders. If he and his partner just were in a situation of danger, the physical reminder that they are there, alive and safe will make him desperate to feel them.
N = No (something they wouldn’t do, turn offs)
Doesn't like/understand degradation, and wouldn't do anything that he felt could hurt his partner.
O = Oral (preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc.)
He prefers to give, and lives for pleasing his partner! He's not very skilled at first, but he's very observant and receptive, so he gets the hang of what his partner likes even if they do not say so themselves.
However, after getting head himself, he's hooked. He loves it, he loves the look on his partner's eyes and the physical feeling is overwhelming on the best possible way.
P = Pace (are they fast and rough? slow and sensual? etc.)
Usually slow and sensual, unless he just had a life or death situation with his partner, then he's desperate and anxious.
Q = Quickie (their opinions on quickies, how often, etc.)
Not one to really go for quickies, but if he's on the rare mood for one, he'll be sure to get and give lots of affection.
R = Risk (are they game to experiment? do they take risks? etc.)
Laios would be interested in trying everything at least once. He's curious and inquisitive, and just as he is fascinated by monsters, he's fascinated by his partner and wants to learn what turns them on, and see what also works for him
S = Stamina (how many rounds can they go for? how long do they last?)
Stamina for days! He can last one very long round. If he didn't get sleepy and cuddly afterwards, he could probably do more, but hnnnggg comfy
T = Toys (do they own toys? do they use them? on a partner or themselves?)
He doesn't own toys, but if introduced to them he's up for trying pretty much anything, both on himself and his partner.
I can see him growing particularly attached to non-human looking dildos/strap-ons and ropes.
U = Unfair (how much they like to tease)
He's not much of a tease, but he low-key enjoys being teased. He doesn't seem to understand it, or be fully aware of the fact, but yeah.
V = Volume (how loud they are, what sounds they make, etc.)
Not particularly loud out the impulse to self restrain, but Laios is a whiner. He can get pretty loud when he's about to cum though.
W = Wild card (a random headcanon for the character)
Would love to roleplay as a monster with their partner but when he did bring up the idea he got laughed off and passed it off as a joke. It was not a joke.
X = X-ray (let’s see what’s going on under those clothes)
Y = Yearning (how high is their sex drive?)
I like to think that it would kind of mimic his silhouette, length slightly above average and overall on the thicker side. The widest point is right after the head.
Not very high at all. I kinda imagine Laios on the gray sexual spectrum so, it only becomes a thought after he begins pining for his eventual partner. It starts with him wondering how soft their hands would be, how about their neck and lips? And it eventually escalates to wandering thoughts of intimacy.
Once he does become intimate with a partner, he longs for intimacy more than he longs for sex itself.
Z = Zzz (how quickly they fall asleep afterwards)
VERY. He's an eepy man.
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hiraethwrote · 2 months
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Loner Megumi does not like having his photo taken. Never has, never will. However, throughout the years he had come to enjoy the position behind the camera instead. Even before he met you, he would sometimes just snap a few photos for the hell of it.
You were the complete opposite, thriving being the subject in front of the lense. Your personal space had always been littered with tons of photos, and your interest for sealing memories in the form of pictures only escalated as you grew older. Along with your friends, you always took pictures every chance you got so not a single moment you felt was worth remembering would ever disappear into the abyss.
In one way, the pairing of you and Megumi worked out perfectly. You loved having every moment captured, and Megumi did exactly that without having to be asked, resulting in a series of candid photos you absolutely adored.
But you wished Megumi would join in on the pictures more often. You did, at times, sneak photos of him, only for you to admire on your phone. But the moment he caught on, he started to make that process a lot harder. And sure, every once in a while you were able to complain enough to have him join you for one singular posed photo — but you could count on one hand how many times that had happened throughout the span of your relationship.
This would forever haunt you. With your extreme desire to eternalise every moment, it was devastating when the person you cared the most about — the person you wanted to capture the most memories with — made it such a battle for you.
It also broke your heart a little that it seemed like he didn’t want any of these tokens of the two do you together for himself. He did have you as his phone wallpaper, but he got shy every time someone mention it, shifting the conversation in a completely different direction instantly.
The situation was how it was. There wasn’t much you could do other than keep persisting and pushing for any type of photos together, and on a few occasions, you got what you wanted.
Like the time you had to fix a new passport photo.
Obviously, Megumi tagged along for all the errands you had to run that day, lending a helping hand whenever it was needed. And when you entered the small photo booth, he waited patiently outside the curtain for you to finish and the photos to develop.
“You really are the prettiest girl in the world,” he breathed casually as he picked the photos out of the tray to study the four small squares.
“Stop,” you chuckled bashfully, snatching the sheet out of his hands to study them yourself, seeing if they were fitting for a passport.
“Never.” He gave you a warm smile, carefully tucking a piece of your hair behind your ear.
Brushing off his sweet sentimentality, you had to jump at the opportunity. “So, you know, there’s room for two in there,” you said innocently, knitting your arms behind your back and batting your eyelashes.
He groaned instantly, his insecurities slowly causing his posture to turn slacked. Before he got the chance to protest, you opened your mouth again. “Just four quick snaps, Megumi! It’s a shame we haven’t done it as a couple already!” Staring at him with pleading eyes, his facial features eventually softened as a small smile of surrender painted his lips.
“Fine.” Choking back the eager squeal, you grabbed his hand and pulled him into the booth behind you. Shuffling within the small confinement, he sat down on the stool first before you sat down on his lap. You could feel his nerves tense up a little as he wrapped his arms around your waist.
“Try to relax,” you cooed reassuringly. “It’s just us in here. No one can see us.” It seemed like your statement helped a little when his embrace loosened. “Ready?” He nodded weakly, and soon enough the screen started to count down from 3… 2… 1.
Snap!
The first picture was just a cute and simple picture of you smiling, though Megumi’s smile was a lot more reserved than yours. For the next one, you circled your arms around his neck to squeeze your cheek against his, earning you a low chuckle — perfectly timed for the next picture.
“This isn’t so bad, is it?” You asked cheerfully.
He rolled his eyes slightly, hint of amusement on his features. “You’re really loving it, aren’t you?”
You bit your bottom lip, nodding eagerly, happy to see he was actually smiling and there was a softness to his gaze, telling you he was a lot more comfortable than he had expected.
And while you got a little lost in his eyes, something that wasn’t exactly unusual for you, the booth snapped the third picture while you engaged in small chatter.
“Okay, last one,” you said, being brought back to the moment.
“What do we do-“ Megumi didn’t even get to finish his sentence before you crashed your lips into his, smiling into the kiss, his cheek heating up against the touch of your hand as you waited for the last picture to be taken.
Snap!
The look on his face when you pulled away had you giggle, nearly red as a tomato, knowing your sudden attack of physical affection had been captured forever.
“Come on.” You were absolutely jittery with giddiness as you both stumbled out the booth to take a look at the pictures.
If it was even possible, they came out better than you had expected. There was a softness in his eyes when he looked at you, and you were so happy you had finally managed to get a physical evidence of it for you to gush over whenever you wanted to.
Or so you thought.
About a month later, you were casually going through your photos to create some sort of system in the ones you hadn’t gotten the opportunity of hanging up or framing yet — and you turned absolute frantic when you couldn’t find the four small momentous pictures. You would probably never be able to convince Megumi to stuff himself into a claustrophobic box again.
You were seated on your bedroom floor with all the pictures sprayed out in front of you, carefully flipping through the piles. “Megumi? Have you seen the photo booth pictures of us?” Tilting your head up to look at him, who was seated at your desk trying to get some school work done.
“No, sorry,” he shrugged, not even turning to look at you. A disappointed sigh slipped past your lips, hunching over the chaos surrounding you.
Well… what could you do? If it had gone missing, which was definitely a bummer, you had at least managed to get him to go along with your antics for once. In theory, you should be able to do it again.
Eventually, you forgot about the four perfect little pictures you had managed to get your hands on, simply continuing the mission of getting pictures together.
Another two weeks passed, and after a long day of exhaustingly boring classes, both of you just wanted to relax and order some food. “If you get me my wallet from the kitchen, I’ll pay.”
You jumped up at his offer, hurrying out of his bedroom and scattering over to his kitchen counter, hand freezing over his wallet as a familiar piece of paper stuck out between the slit. Your curiosity got the best of you, opening his wallet only to be greeted by the four missing pictures of the two of you stuffed behind the plastic film.
That sneaky bastard had managed to snatch the pictures without you noticing to keep them for himself — but you couldn’t help but feel absolutely smitten, knowing the guy was just too embarrassed to ask you to keep the pictures for himself.
For all the times you’d wished he too would have something as mundane as a picture of the two of you together to gush about, it warmed your heart knowing he now carried it with him wherever he went.
With a loving smile, you simply closed his wallet again and pretend like you hadn’t seen anything. If you were to bring it up, he’d just try to brush it all off while his face would turn increasingly more red.
But you knew, and that was enough. Now you finally understood why you noticed the tiniest quirk of his lips every time he pulled out his wallet.
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taglist (taglist is open)
@sad-darksoul @nyahctrl @ssetsuka @aceakariii @chxlexauriana
@ps-forgetmenot @thejujvtsupost @acowboykisser @rixo-19
@xxaestheticvibezxx @iheartlinds @rory-cakes @tiffanyandrson
a/n this is just a small and rushed loner megumi and popular reader drabble while i'm working on something a lot longer for someone i haven't written for before tihi
©hiraethwrote 2024 . all rights reserved. reposting, translating and otherwise plagarisim is prohibited
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rafesfavgirl · 5 months
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jj maybank headcanons
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pairing: bf!jj x fem!reader
context: jj maybank as your boyfriend.
words: 657
warnings: definitely +18. mdni. daddy issues, marijuana use, alcohol use, abandonment issues, attachment issues, physical and mental abuse, SMUT
jj's 100% the definition of a "golden retriever" boyfriend.
your relationship doesn't start out all sunshine and rainbows at first, though.
y'all were definitely a friends with benefits to lovers story.
at first, y’all kept it completely physical because you were both afraid of getting too attached and hurting each other.
jj felt like this, especially. he just didn’t think he was good enough for you.
but even when y’all were just fucking, he’d do the sweetest things for you. including making sure you were all cleaned up afterwards.
once you started dating though, the sweetness only amplified.
he doesn’t have much money, but he ALWAYS brings you flowers that he’s picked from somewhere—whether that be some kook’s garden, the country club, or even outside the chateau.
you are his absolute number one priority and the most important thing in his life.
you’re his ray of sunshine.
whenever things get bad at home with luke, you’re the first person he comes to.
when luke hits him and he shows up at your door with bruises, you nurse him back to health.
when luke talks down to him and makes him feel like a piece of shit, you reassure him that he’s not.
“you’re perfect, j. it’s not your fault.”
he’s terrified of losing you.
sometimes he thinks you’re going to see all his flaws and leave him just like his mom did. you always tell him otherwise, though.
“i’m not going anywhere, baby.”
when he gets anxious after all the pogues start fighting, you squeeze his hand three times and that makes him feel better.
he’s convinced he doesn’t deserve you.
he always takes you out on adventurous little dates—and sometimes, y’all get in trouble for it.
you’re his number one surfing buddy.
he was the one who taught you how to surf.
your family’s the family he’s never had.
he loves when your family invites him over for dinner and he gets to play with your little siblings, who absolutely adore him.
when you and the pogues smoke together, his favorite thing is when you hold the joint out in front of him and let him take a hit that way.
you always help him with his party trick when he tries to do it on the hms pogue.
you’re the only one who can keep up with him when it comes to taking shots and drinking. john b, pope, and kie always tap out.
sometimes you get insecure about his close friendship with kie, but he always assures you that it’s only you.
“i love you. you got that?”
his favorite nicknames for you are mama, princess, baby, and baby girl.
you’re the only one he’s ok with addressing him by his full name—jesse james.
don’t think everything’s perfect though, sometimes you fight too.
especially about guns. and jj getting into fights.
you always nurse him back to health regardless, but you hate when he gives in and scrambles with whoever.
fights are non-negotiable if someone says shit about you, though.
not only will he go against your wishes about him fighting, but he’ll make sure he wins.
speaking of jealousy, it doesn’t happen often, but he definitely still gets jealous every now and then. and he loves reminding you that you're his.
“you’re mine, princess.”
he’ll show you that in bed too.
and since it's jj, he's an ABSOLUTE FREAK in the sheets, and kinky as hell too.
he'll tie you up, eat you out, and make you cum over and over again until you beg him to stop.
he loves bending you over and fucking you while giving your ass a little smack.
he chokes you occasionally, but prefers pulling your hair.
he will lick anything off of you and tease your clit until you're squirming.
he definitely has a daddy kink too.
when you give him head, he loves giving you facials.
and his favorite position is your legs on his shoulders.
reblogs and comments are deeply appreciated <33
click here to be added to my tag list!!
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sugawhaaa · 2 months
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ATEEZ SMUT REACTION *ੈ✩‧₊˚
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☆~[You hurt yourself trying to deep throat]~☆
Warnings:: SMUT, Gagging/choking...yeahh
Pairing:: reader is written to have some female features
A/N:: this is like one of my biggest insecurities bc my gag reflex is so bad to the point I struggle to eat sometimes 😬 its embarrassing
Ateez h/c masterlist: ‧͙⁺˚*・༓☾
Taglist:: @mingisbbg @lezleeferguson-120 @minihong99
Hongjoong
Hongjoong had kept reminding you to take it slow and you had all night to try this new activity but you couldn't wait. Despite his voice being so gentle and warm you couldn't listen. You take him further into your mouth, feeling his tip push down to your throat. You whimper softly and Hongjoong gently rubs the back of your head in comfort.
"Go slow baby, it's okay," he speaks in a low but soft voice, his breathing shaking. You then push all the way down his shaft and Hongjoong gasps. You gag hard and slip off of him coughing softly. "Oh baby come here," he brings his arms out to you and lifts you up into a hug. You continue to cough and he rubs your back. "Would you like some water?" He asks softly and you nod.
He grabs the water from the nightstand and hands it to you. "There you go. You did so good I'm so proud of you," he kisses your shoulder softly. "Such a good job," he continues to rub your back and you smile softly at his words.
"You think so?" You blush and look down.
"Yes my love," he kisses your cheek. "Blow jobs aren't all about taking it all in your mouth and gagging shit. You can take it slow and steady and it will still feel like heaven," he explained with a warm smile.
Seonghwa
Your jaw was exhausted. Seonghwa and you were trying a new little game or some people would call role-play. Basically Seonghwa was torturing you all night but not with toys and edging. He was using his own cock to torture you. He started with facials, like three in a row, before tit-fucking, and now he was fucking your face.
At first it was fine and you kinda loved the idea of him rocking his hips into your face but eventually you felt your throat starting to weaken and the sense of pleasure was fading away. You squint your eyes shut and Seonghwa's grip on your hair falters. He continued to move your head to the rhythm of his hips but once he saw your eyes watering he instantly let go.
"Hey baby, are you okay?" He bent down a little to check on you. You wipe away a tear and nod. "Are you sure?" He pets your head softly as he kneels down to your level. You pout softly and you find yourself crying more. Seonghwa's heart shatters and he pulls you into a hug. "My love, come here," he plays with your hair as he holds you against his chest. "What are the water works for?" He asks with concern etched in his voice.
"I'm just tired," you sigh in his arms and he smiles softly, glad to hear he didn't hurt you.
"I understand baby. You tried a lot of new things tonight," he kisses your forehead before sweeping you up bridal style. "Do you want to rest for the night or do you need some attention?" He asks as he sets you down on the bed.
"Relaxed sex..." you say softly and he chuckles.
"Alright darling" he kisses your forehead again.
Yunho
Yunho was always up for challenges and something more during sex. If you asked to try anything he would happily give it to you or let you have your way with him. That's how you got here.
Your head was up against the wall, a pillow situated behind it, and Yunho's cock stood in front of you, twitching slightly. You opened your mouth nice and wide and he eased his cock into your mouth. He slowly began to thrust into your mouth and at first, it felt strangely erotic, pleasurable. But after a while you felt the gagging starting to get to you. Yunho didn't pick up on this however.
He knew you were also up for a bit of challenge so he pushed you a little bit but when he saw you starting to not just physically cry from gagging but emotionally crying he pulled out of your mouth and crouched down to you. "Baby, baby, look at me. What's wrong?" He held your face as you cried softly. "Come here," he pulled you into a hug and you hid your face in his shoulder. "Why are you upset my love? Did it hurt?" He rubs your back.
"A little...I just wish I could do better," you look at the ground and Yunho shakes his head.
"No baby don't say that," he holds your face to look up at him. "Listen to me. You are so fucking amazing and gorgeous. You are the best partner in the entire world I could've asked for," he rubs your cheek softly. "You are amazing," he kisses your forehead and holds you against his chest again. "Let's stop this. What do you want to do tonight?"
Yeosang
Yeosang lazily holds your head as you bob up and down his length. Low distorted groans escaped his lips as he watched you through hooded eyes. This morning you decided to wake him up with a little blow job as a "Good morning" and to help with his nearly constant morning wood. However, he was still groggy and not fully awake yet.
"Fuck baby, keep going~" he moaned in his low morning voice that made you get excited yourself. The sounds of you slurping and sucking sounded like heaven to his ears. He fell back against the bed as his hand lazily rested on the back of your head. He wasn't even guiding you or moving you in any way, he was just resting there.
As he started to wake a bit more you decided to test a little something. You began to deep throat him, taking him all the way down before moving your lips back up just to his tip before repeating. Every time you went down again his whole body jerked forward and you would gag on him. "Baby-I fuck," any sentence he tried to form only became a slur of words and you soon found out why.
As you plummeted back down again you felt his hot seed shoot to the top of your throat. He held your head down as his body shuddered. You squinted your eyes shut before choking on the warm liquid.
Yeosang didn't realize it at first but when you started whimpering and hitting his thigh he looked down at you and let your head go. You sat up coughing and Yeosang lunged forward. "Y/N," he put his hand on your shoulder as you coughed. "I'm sorry baby," he moved his hand down to rub your back. "Shh, it's okay," he put his head down to the side of yours. You take a few deep breaths before relaxing again. He smiles up at you softly.
"Sorry I didn't mean for it to go like that," you look down and Yeosang shakes his head.
"No, no baby none of that," he kisses your forehead. "I am the one who is sorry. I should've realized," he kisses you on your lips softly. "I love you baby, I'm sorry for hurting you,"
San
San wasn't usually one to press for things but rough blow jobs were something he always loved. As of right now, he was trying to hold back smashing your face into his hips. Like it was driving him crazy. Eventually he caved in, tightening his grip around your hair and guiding your head a bit more forcefully.
"That's it, relax your throat," he said between low groans of pleasure. The wetness of your mouth drove him wild, the way he could feel the back of your throat tightening everytime he pushed deeper. He found himself falling deeper into the pleasure to the point he just started forcing your head down his shaft.
It wasn't until cum was pouring from the side of your lips that he came back from his rush of pleasure. He looked down and saw your pathetic state. Tears rolled down your cheeks as you looked up at him with an expression that said "Please stop" San instantly let you go and as you gasped for air the guilt set in. "Baby, I'm so sorry, I didn't even realize," he says as he scoops his arms around you. "I'll never do that again," he promised as he held you close.
He showers you with kisses as he holds you. "How about you ride my face in return? As an apology?" He looks up at you eagerly.
"No San, it's okay I promise," you chuckle softly but San is already lying down urging you to come over.
"Cmon, just for a minute,"
Mingi
Mingi knew he had a bigger cock than the average person but he couldn't stop himself. You just looked so good with his cock stuffed into your mouth, tears poking at your eyes, ugh it got him so good.
He grabbed a fist full of your hair as he pushed your head down. "That's it, take it all," he moans loudly as you fit him all in your mouth. You whimper softly but refuse to use your safe action. "Oh you are being so fucking good, yeah," he groans as he begins to buck his hips against your face. The sound of you gagging on his size made a shiver run down his spine that basically possessed him.
He grabs the sides of your head and begins to thrust into it, your throat squelching as he did so. "Yes baby, relax your throat," he groans before holding your head right against his stomach as he cums. You hit his thigh a few times rapidly, using your safe action and he lets your head go. You slip him out of your mouth and cough harshly, gasping for air in between.
The guilt then hits Mingi like a tidal wave. "Oh baby," he kneels down next to you on the floor. "Come here my darling. I'm so sorry," he rubs your back as you cough harshly. His face shows visible pain at the sound of your coughing. "I'm sorry, I'm so so sorry," he pulls you into his lap. "I won't do that again I promise," he said as he wiped away some cum and drool slipping your lips and down your chin. "Shh, your okay," he pats the back of your head comfortingly. "Never again baby,"
"It's okay Mingi...I'll get used to it," you reassure him and he shakes his head.
"No baby. I never wanna see you like this again,"
Wooyoung
Wooyoung was the biggest fan of blow jobs in probably the entire world so of course he would never say no to his baby wanting to try deep throating.
You were casually sucking him off as he curled up in his blankets and pillows. This intimate moment was calm and relaxed. Most of the time you and Wooyoung were freaky as hell. Saying dirty things, forcing the other to spit on their genitals, hair pulling, bed creaking it was all there. But tonight Wooyoung laid back and let you have his way with him. Things were calm and sweet until you stuffed him down your throat abruptly.
Wooyoung jumps and moans softly. "B-Baby," he whimpered as you swayed your head back and forth, his tip rubbing against the very back of your throat. It made you gag softly but you pulled through. You carefully slipped him out of your mouth and he sighed softly. You coughed quietly, trying to cover up your discomfort but Wooyoung noticed.
He gave you a certain look that you couldn't describe with words. It was just a look that told you that he was okay with whatever you could handle, don't push yourself. You still did the opposite. You took him in your mouth again and bobbed your head, gagging continuously and Wooyoung gritted his teeth. "Ah, baby, don't-" he got cut off by his own moans. "Don't push yourself," he rubs your head as he feels your throat flex around him.
Wooyoung couldn't take it anymore and pulled back his hips while forcibly lifting your head up. You cough harshly as tears pour down your cheeks and Wooyoung shakes his head before bringing your head down to his chest. "Don't do that baby, don't hurt yourself," he pets your head as he hushes you.
"I wanted to make you feel good," you whimper softly and Wooyoung's heart sinks.
"Oh my baby, there are so many other better ways to make me feel good. You can still stay in control or not, there are hundreds of ways," he holds the sides of your face as he speaks. He brushes his thumb over your cheek, wiping away the tear. "Come on now my love," he kisses your neck tenderly.
Jongho
Messy sex with Jongho was nothing new in your relationship. He always loved lots of spit, cum, and other bodily fluids all over the place. Whether it be sweat or tears the two of you had seen it on each other countless times so when you were taking him in your mouth he wasn't surprised to see tears rolling down your cheeks.
It was a natural human response to gagging so to him, as long as you were still going he trusted you. He held your head softly but allowed you to do as you pleased. That was until he was nearing the edge. He couldn't hold himself back as he slammed your head down against the base of his cock, your throat milking his cock. His cum spurts out down your throat and you choke on it as well as gagging from the length of his cock.
Jongho noticed your distress and pulled back. You turned to the side and coughed harshly, cum dripping down your chin. Jongho honestly didn't know what to do. He hurt you so bad and he didn't mean to. He put his hand on your back and just let you cough. "Let it out baby, you're okay," he soothed you softly as you coughed. You found yourself calming down and you sighed. You lay back against the bed sheets and Jongho follows you. "I'm so sorry my love I didn't mean to hurt you. I just got so caught up in everything," he strokes your face softly.
"Did you feel good?" You ask softly and he hesitates.
"Yes baby, but it wasn't worth it," he explains. "You did such a good job but I don't want to see you like this again. We're not doing this again," he shakes his head and you sigh softly. He pulls you into his arms. "You did so good," he kisses the top of your head and holds you tight against him.
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writeforfandoms · 5 months
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You held yourself back from John, sitting on the couch next to him, rather than right up against his side. Insecurity kept your shoulders tight, your head aimed firmly at the TV.
"Love?" John touched two fingers to the back of your hand.
"Hm?" You feigned ignorance, gaze darting to him and away again.
"What's going on in that pretty head?" His fingers curled around your wrist, stroking the thin skin of your inner wrist.
"Nothing." You swallowed. You'd never been good at lying to him.
John hummed softly, considering, before he scooted closer to you, warm thigh pressing against yours. "Wanna try that again?"
You sighed, closing your eyes, your emotion threatening briefly to drown you. "I just..." You stopped, struggling for words.
John waited patiently, warm and unmoving at your side. You knew he'd wait there until you opened up, all night if need be.
So you gave in.
"I worry, sometimes."
"About what?" His facial hair brushed your temple before his lips did.
"That I'm too... needy. Too clingy." Eyes still closed, your lips twisted in frustration. It wasn't easy to admit this, habit keeping the words trapped in your chest.
"Never." John moved, turning to wrap you fully in his arms, pulled into the warmth of his chest. "I never think that of you. I love you."
You swallowed hard against the emotion rising in your throat, hiding your face in his neck. "I love you too," you mumbled, a bit muffled.
"I've got you," he murmured, one big hand cupping the back of your head. "I've got you, love."
Neither of you moved for a long time, and John never commented on the damp patch on the collar of his shirt.
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