#he's been haunting me ever since i was 7 | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

syuga-s · 2 months

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when i'm quiet on the other side, know that i'm loving you

w.c. around 12k 🤭 pairing. Namjoon x female!reader (also Jungkook & reader used to be together) genre. Smut. friends to lovers-ish, pwp, angst (bc it wouldn't be me if there wasn't angst lmao), more pwp, AND FLUFF OFC a/n. NSFW MDNI !!! curse words, alcohol mention, sexual content (fingering, unprotected vaginal penetration, oral m&f!receiving, creampie) ENJOY, let me know if I missed anything okay? <3

You couldn’t help but wonder how different things might have been if you had made a different choice that night so many months ago.

“Did you go out tonight?”

“I didn’t, you?”

“Nah, it’s way too cold tonight, lol,” “I want us to go for a drink though”

“Last week was way colder than tonight lmao”, “when?”

“Tomorrow, is that okay?”

“Yeah tomorrow works, I’m free after 5”

“Pick you up at 7 then.”

Seven moons waxed and waned, each night bearing the weight of a silent longing that lingered in the spaces between heartbeats. In the quiet of those months, the echoes of your last conversation with Jungkook reverberated like whispered secrets carried on the wind, haunting yet distant. Despite growing even closer with Namjoon, part of you remained tethered to the memories of what could have been.

You didn’t remember how this started. Until you honestly stopped to think about it, that is.

You met Namjoon through some mutual friends. Every time you went out with them, he seemed to be there. At first, you didn’t think much of him. He was a cool guy, and all your friends were in love with him, but to you, he was just Namjoon.

Your heart was set on someone else, that being one of the main reasons for your way of thinking.

You thought that Jungkook was finally out of your life. After all those months where he kept you hoping that you’d be together, you opened your eyes and understood that being with him was taking you nowhere.

It wasn’t after two years of being on and off with Jungkook that this mess started to happen. But this isn’t about him anymore. It’s what has been happening ever since.

Several months passed, and you had a trip coming up to Barcelona. Not even a day passed when you found out Namjoon and another one of your mutual friends were in the exact same city as you, at the same time.

You were with some of your college friends. You’d been here for about two days, and all your expectations from this week were below average—until that text came to you.

“I want to see you.”

As Namjoon’s text message flashed on your phone screen, a wave of mixed emotions coursed through you. Memories of seeing him at mutual gatherings, his magnetic charisma, and the undeniable chemistry you both shared suddenly flooded your mind. You couldn’t deny the thrill that his message brought. So, you agreed to meet, not really knowing what to expect.

That night in Barcelona, you and Namjoon decided to explore the city’s vibrant nightlife. The streets were alive with the energy of locals and tourists alike, and the possibilities seemed endless. As you walked through the illuminated streets, the conversation flowed effortlessly.

Namjoon turned to you with a playful glint in his eye. “Barcelona sure knows how to stay alive at night, right?”

You nodded, taking in the enchanting atmosphere. “It does, another city that never sleeps.”

That particular night in Barcelona, you and Namjoon didn’t dwell on the complexities of your dynamic. Instead, you focused on the here and now, indulging in the city’s vibrant nightlife. The streets were alive with the pulsating rhythms of music, and the possibilities for adventure seemed endless.

As you hopped from one lively club to another, the music enveloped you, and you both let loose. You danced together, swaying to the intoxicating beats with occasional laughter and shared glances that needed no words. Namjoon’s occasional hand on your waist or his deep voice softly spoken into your ear amidst the music created a sense of electric chemistry.

In the middle of it all, you reached a state of drunken bliss where the world seemed to blur, and nothing else mattered but the man in front of you. The two of you laughed uncontrollably at inside jokes that would be etched in your mind forever.

It was a night of liberation. The beauty of Barcelona’s nightlife and the intoxication of the moment allowed you to escape into a realm of pure joy.

As the night peaked, the connection between you and Namjoon became more intimate. The night transitioned seamlessly from the vibrant energy of the city to the warmth and comfort of Namjoon’s room.

As you stood on the balcony of Namjoon’s room, overlooking the twinkling city lights below, you felt the warmth of his body radiating towards you. You leaned back against the railing, your heart pounding as you looked up at him. He was so close, yet so far away.

Namjoon’s gaze locked onto you, and he could see the desire burning within your eyes. He felt his own heart quicken, his breath hitching in his throat as he moved closer to you. He reached out, brushing a stray lock of hair from your face, his touch sending shivers down your spine.

“Namjoon,” you whispered, your voice trembling with need.

He leaned in, his lips brushing against yours in a gentle kiss. You melted into him, your arms wrapping around his neck as you deepened the kiss. You could feel his heart pounding in time with your own, bodies pressed together in a dance as old as time.

As you broke apart, gasping for breath, Namjoon trailed his fingers down your arm, leaving a trail of goosebumps in his wake. He could feel the heat radiating off your body, and he knew that you wanted him just as much as he wanted you.

“Are you sure about this?” he asked, his voice low and husky.

You nodded, eyes shining with desire. “Yes,” you said, voice barely above a whisper. “I want this. I want you.”

Namjoon’s heart skipped a beat at your words. He leaned in again, capturing your lips in a searing kiss. His hands roamed over your body, exploring every inch of you for the first time. You couldn’t help but moan softly, your body trembling with desire.

He pulled away from the kiss, his breath coming in short gasps. “Fuck,” he whispered, his voice filled with both awe and desperation.

He guided you back to his bed. You looked up at him through hooded eyes, your chest rising and falling rapidly as you tried to catch your breath. “Please,” you begged in a soft voice. “I need you.”

That was all it took to push Namjoon over the edge. He cupped your face in his hands and kissed you fiercely, pouring every ounce of pent-up desire into the kiss.

His hands moved down to the hem of your shirt, and he lifted it over your head in one swift motion, tossing it aside without a second thought. His gaze roamed your exposed skin hungrily, like a starving man who had just been presented with a feast.

“You’re so beautiful,” he said, his voice filled with genuine appreciation as he traced the outline of your bra with his fingertips. “You’ve always been so, so beautiful.”

You found yourselves pausing your hunger for a few minutes, basking in each other’s presence. You ended up leaning into the comfort of Namjoon’s arms. Both halted the intensity of the abrupt contact, with comfortable silences filling the gaps as you both lost yourself in the city sounds playing softly in the background. The dim light from the room cast a warm glow on Namjoon’s face, highlighting his features and making him even more irresistible.

Feeling a sudden rush of boldness, you moved closer to him, your body instinctively seeking his warmth. His eyes met yours, a silent question lingering in them. He pulled you even closer into his embrace, your bodies molding together as if they were two pieces of a puzzle.

His scent enveloped you, a mix of his cologne and something uniquely him. Your heart pounded in your chest as you felt his breath tickling the skin of your neck. His fingers traced lazy patterns on your back, causing a shiver to run down your spine. This was new, yet it felt so right.

With a soft sigh, you let your head fall back, exposing the long line of your neck. Namjoon’s lips found that sensitive skin, tracing a path down to the hollow of your throat. His fingers continued their exploration, now sliding through your thighs.

You shivered at his touch, your body begging for more. “Namjoon,” you whispered, your voice husky with desire.

He looked up at you, his eyes filled with a mixture of lust and tenderness. “Yes, y/n?”

“I want you to fuck me,” you confessed. Feeling bolder this time, you thought it was your turn to take your hands downtown. You dipped your hand into the hollow of his stomach before going down to trail kisses along the waistband of his pants. Namjoon groaned as he realized where this was headed.

Before he could protest, not that he would, you made quick work of undoing his belt to remove both it and his pants. Namjoon helped you undo them, his breath hitching as you wrapped your hand around his length. He was hard and ready, just as you were. Now fully exposed before you, he shifted uncomfortably under your gaze.

Catching onto his hesitation, you reassured him with a smile. “Don’t worry,” you said softly. “I think I’ve wanted this for a long time.”

Namjoon’s eyes softened as he reached out to brush a strand of hair behind your ear. “I’ve thought about you, too,” he confessed. “You have no idea.”

With a swift motion, you stepped out of your own jeans, too, kicking them aside.

You reached behind yourself to unclasp the bra and let it fall to the floor before pulling Namjoon’s shirt over his head and discarding it as well.

Now, almost completely naked, there you stood before him, your bodies mere inches apart. Namjoon’s hands rested on your hips, pulling you closer. His thumb traced circles on your hip bone, sending waves of pleasure through you.

Namjoon’s breath hitched in his throat. A small smile tugged at the corners of your lips at the reaction you were able to elicit from him.

Time seemed to slow down as I took in the sight before me – this was real; he wanted me just as much as I wanted him now.

You went down on him and took him into your mouth, swirling your tongue around the tip before taking him deeper. Namjoon tangled his fingers in your hair, guiding you as you moved up and down on his length. The sight of you on your knees before him, taking him so willingly, was almost too much for him to handle.

“Shit,” he grunted, his hips thrusting forward involuntarily. “I’m gonna come too soon if you keep that up.”

You pulled away with a wicked smile, pressing yourself against Namjoon’s body. He could feel how wet you were even through the fabric of your panties, and he groaned in frustration.

“Why are we still wearing these?” he asked, his voice filled with need as he hooked his fingers into the waistband of your panties and pulled them down your legs.

Once you were both naked, Namjoon’s hand trailed downwards until it found its way between your legs. He ran a finger along your folds teasingly before slipping it inside of you.

You moaned softly at the feeling of being stretched by his finger. “I’m sure we can do more than that,” you begged in a needy voice.

Namjoon added a second finger, pumping them in and out of you at a steady pace. He curled his fingers upwards, searching for that sweet spot deep inside of you.

“God,” he groaned as he felt your walls clench around his fingers. “You’re so fucking tight.”

He continued to work his fingers inside of you until he felt your body start to shake with the first layer of your orgasm. Your back arched off the bed, and a loud moan escaped from your lips as pleasure made your body tremble.

Namjoon removed his fingers from your dripping wet core and brought them up to his mouth, sucking on them eagerly as he tasted your essence.

“You taste so good,” he said, his voice filled with genuine appreciation before moving downwards until he was positioned between your legs.

He leaned in and pressed a soft kiss to your inner thigh before trailing a path of kisses up toward your throbbing center. His tongue flicked out and ran along your folds teasingly before zeroing in on your clit.

You gasped at the sensation of Namjoon’s warm tongue against your sensitive bud. He circled it slowly at first, the pressure increasing with every stroke. The combination of his skilled tongue and the way his hands were gripping the flesh of your thighs was driving you absolutely wild.

“Namjoon, stop,” you moaned, the sound of his name on your lips like a prayer. “I’m gonna cum again,”

Namjoon hummed against you in response, sending vibrations coursing through your body that pushed you right to the edge. His tongue moved faster and more insistently against your clit, bringing you closer and closer to the brink of ecstasy.

With one final flick of his tongue, you shattered into a million pieces beneath him. Your body convulsed with pleasure as wave after wave of bliss washed over you.

Namjoon lapped up every drop of your release, not wanting to miss a single drop of you. Once you had come down from your high, he climbed back up the bed and pulled you into his arms.

You buried your face in the crook of his neck, inhaling his scent as you basked in the afterglow of your passion. “You’re really good at that,” you said softly.

Namjoon pressed a gentle kiss to the top of your head. “You taste amazing. I couldn’t help myself,” he replied, his voice filled with genuine affection. “I’ve wanted you for so long.”

You looked up at him with a smile and brushed a strand of hair away from his face. There was so much more that you wanted to say, but words were unnecessary at that moment.

Instead, you let your actions speak for themselves as you pulled Namjoon closer and kissed him deeply. The taste of yourself on his lips only served to fuel the fire that was still burning between you.

As the kiss deepened, Namjoon’s hand trailed downwards once again until it found its way between your legs. He could feel how wet you still were, and a surge of desire shot through him like electricity.

He positioned himself at your entrance and looked into your eyes for confirmation before slowly pushing inside of you. You moaned softly at the feeling of being stretched around him once again, nails digging into his shoulders as he filled every inch of you.

Namjoon began to move slowly at first, savoring every sensation as he thrust in and out of your dripping wet core. With each movement, he felt himself getting lost in an ocean that only the two of you could create together.

The rhythm quickly escalated. Your hips bucked against him, meeting each thrust with one of your own. The room was filled with the sounds of the bed creaking beneath you, skin slapping against skin, and moans mingling with whispers. It felt like time had ceased to exist as the world narrowed down to just the two of you, connected in every possible way.

The pace quickened as your bodies moved in perfect sync, building towards a shared climax that was just within reach. Namjoon’s thrusts became more urgent and desperate, like a man on the edge of sanity who was about to lose himself completely.

You could feel your walls clenching around him as an overwhelming sense of pleasure began to build deep within your core. “Namjoon,” you moaned, his name like a prayer on your lips. “I’m cu-”

With one final thrust, you both went hurtling over the edge together; your bodies shuddered and shook with the force of your release.

Eventually, the bliss receded, and you found yourselves once again floating back down to reality. Namjoon collapsed beside you and pulled you into his arms, holding onto you tightly as he tried to catch his breath.

“That was...” he trailed off, searching for the right words to describe what had just happened between you.

“Really fucking hot,” you supplied with a smile.

Hours after being together, you and Namjoon shared a cozy meal on his hotel room balcony, savoring Barcelona’s cuisine. With the city’s magic still lingering in the air, you both settled into a deep conversation about your shared passion for music.

As the minutes passed, you found yourselves planning to attend several concerts together in the coming weeks and months. The anticipation of sharing those experiences added another layer of intimacy to your thing.

You both lay intertwined in each other’s arms, cuddled in the dimly lit room. Fingers traced gentle patterns on each other’s skin, and you shared soft kisses that spoke volumes in their tenderness. That night was filled with smooth, whispered conversations, with playful moments of playing with each other’s hair.

Your time with Namjoon had an electric undercurrent that couldn’t be ignored. While not a romantic undertone, it was clear that there was a magnetic attraction between you two. You shared passionate moments, intimate conversations, and nights filled with desire that went beyond being ‘just friends.’

As you returned home, you both acknowledged the nature of your connection. A “friends with benefits” arrangement that allowed you to explore your feelings without the pressure of defining a full-blown relationship. The connection was intense, yet you hesitated to leap into something more serious.

You’d meet up when schedules allowed, enjoying each other’s company in and out of the bedroom. Your feelings for Namjoon were confusing, and you knew he felt the same way, so neither of you was ready to put a label on it.

As time passed, the relationship continued to evolve. It was a constant push and pull, a dance of desire and restraint. You shared everything with him, but the commitment to a traditional relationship still felt elusive.

Your life continued to grow more complex with each passing day. Not only were you navigating this with Namjoon and what you started doing after Barcelona, but you also had a history with Jungkook, and there already was a connection between these two men.

Jungkook, your on-again, off-again for the past two years, had been a source of both love and, of course, heartache in your life. It was a tumultuous relationship, filled with moments of intense connection followed by periods of emotional distance. He kept you dancing around the idea of commitment, yet he seemed reluctant to fully embrace it.

What made the situation even more difficult was the fact that Jungkook and Namjoon were very close friends. Your social circles had overlapped, and you couldn’t help but wonder if Jungkook had any inkling of your growing connection with Namjoon.

As you delved into the ‘benefits’ dynamic with Namjoon, it added a layer of secrecy to your life.

Your feelings for Jungkook have always been intense and genuine. He was the one you had envisioned a future with, and you longed for a committed, loving relationship. But Jungkook’s reluctance to settle down left you in a state of constant disappointment. He wanted the freedom to explore other options, yet he always kept you within arm’s reach, knowing he could turn to you whenever he pleased.

This cycle was taking a toll on you, causing not only the never-ending heartbreak but also a growing sense of frustration and exhaustion. It was clear to everyone, including your mutual friends, that you were deeply in love with Jungkook, but they also saw the toll it was taking on your well-being.

Namjoon, always so observant and compassionate, saw a glimmer of an opportunity. He understood the depths of your affection for Jungkook and sensed your growing disillusionment. He didn’t plan to interfere but couldn’t help but be drawn to your unique energy and the connection you two shared.

The situation was not of your making. Both Jungkook and Namjoon actively sought you out, and you, despite your love for Jungkook, found it challenging to resist the magnetic pull of your connection with Namjoon.

Jimin’s birthday was a pivotal moment. At that time, you and Jungkook had been mad at each other, tensions simmering beneath the surface. When you arrived at the bar to celebrate, you greeted everyone but Jungkook. The air was thick with unspoken words, and the distance between you was palpable.

Feeling the need for a moment of respite, you slipped away for a cigarette break, seeking solace in the night’s breeze. During this break, you found Taehyung, one of your close friends, who helped you calm down for the night.

Eventually, the group decided to move to another bar, and the atmosphere lightened as everyone indulged in the evening. The drinks flowed, and laughter filled the air. All was good again.

As the night drew to a close, Namjoon kindly offered to drive everyone home in his car. The group piled in, and it was cramped, to say the least. Amid the chaos, you found yourself sitting in Jungkook’s lap, something that was not your choice.

It was during this car ride that Jungkook’s emotional side emerged, fueled by alcohol. He revealed that he was leaving for another country for six months, a fact he had kept hidden from you. You were blindsided by this news and felt a surge of anger and frustration. How could he not have shared this with you before?

Throughout the evening, Namjoon had been watching you closely. He observed how you barely interacted with Jungkook since your arrival and acknowledged the underlying tension. However, he couldn’t deny the surge of anger he felt when you ended up in Jungkook’s lap, even if it was out of necessity.

In the aftermath of Jimin’s birthday, Jungkook planned a farewell dinner for the group on the following Friday. The dinner was heartwarming, even in those conditions. Afterward, you all decided to go for drinks, further complicating everything.

The bar you hit up after dinner turned into a bit of a downer for you. While Jungkook was busy having a blast with everyone else, he seemed to be totally ignoring you. And then, to top it off, he started cozying up to his best friend on the dance floor – talk about a buzzkill. You tried to play it cool, but deep down, it was eating you up inside. Your head was saying, I won’t get jealous, I won’t get jealous, but he kept laughing with her and holding her close to him.

You tried to distract yourself by keeping yourself glued to Taehyung and Jimin, but it was tough to keep up with their conversation when your mind was in a whirl. Chiming in occasionally was getting more complicated, so you let a bitter laugh at the ceiling, excusing yourself to go to the bathroom for a bit, asking your friends to keep your drink safe. Staring at yourself in the mirror, trying to get rid of your pathetic, sad eyes, you felt like you were stuck in some cheesy rom-com.

You couldn’t bear yourself anymore. You knew it wasn’t the girl’s fault, but you couldn’t shake the feeling of what if something was happening between them. You began spiraling, knowing you had to leave the place.

At the risk of seeing Jungkook’s silhouette on your way back to the table, you decided it was time to make a quick exit. Grabbing your purse, you muttered to your friends, “I’ll be right back,” under the pretense of needing some air, and dashed off before anyone could stop you.

Namjoon saw the whole picture. He was aware of your every move and how quick you left the bar. He worried at the thought of your utter goodbye for the night.

In the past days leading up to tonight, Namjoon found himself wrestling with conflicting emotions. On one hand, he longed to be closer to you, to break through the walls you had built around your heart. Yet, on the other hand, he couldn’t help but feel a pang of guilt at the thought of finding happiness in Jungkook’s absence.

When you stepped outside, the weight of the night’s events hit you like a ton of bricks. You stood there on the sidewalk, feeling lost and overwhelmed. You instantly knew it was too much to actually leave like that. Pulling out your lighter and a cigarette, you took a moment to gather your thoughts. It was one of those times when you wished to call your mom and ask her, “can you pick me up?” but I guess ‘we’re too old for that.’ The air around you wasn’t even cold, but everything felt unbearably heavy.

As you stood there, lost in your thoughts, hard to believe that the asshole you love is having the time of his life. Good for him. You kept rambling. Are you really that detestable? How could he be having the time of his life while you were left feeling so insignificant? It stung to realize that he hadn’t even bothered to tell you about his plans to go for half a year. It was like a slap in the face, a painful reminder of how little you seemed to matter to him.

And the fucking icing on the cake is that tonight, you don’t even exist in his world.

As you were spiraling into a whirlwind of more negative emotions, your phone suddenly rang, jolting you out of your thoughts. Glancing at the screen, you saw ‘Joonie’ flashing back at you. With a sigh, you extinguished your cigarette and answered the call.

“Hello?” you greeted, your voice tinged with a hint of frustration.

From the background noise, you could tell that Namjoon was evidently still at the bar. “Care to tell me why you left?” he asked, his tone laced with concern.

You couldn’t help but let out a bitter laugh. “I didn’t leave. I’m just outside having a chat with my cig,” you replied sarcastically.

There was a moment of silence on the other end of the line before Namjoon spoke again. “And you didn’t think to include me? I’ve been meaning to talk to that guy,” he joked, trying to lighten the mood.

As Namjoon’s voice filled your ears, a mixture of relief and surprise washed over you. You hadn’t expected him to call, let alone humor you in your self-imposed exile outside the bar.

“I didn’t realize you were such good friends with cigarettes,” you replied, a hint of amusement creeping into your voice despite the heaviness of the situation.

There was a brief pause on the other end of the line before Namjoon chuckled softly. “Well, you know me. Always looking to fraternize,” he quipped, his tone warm and lighthearted.

You couldn’t help but smile at his attempt to lighten the mood, grateful for his presence even from a distance. “Thanks for calling Joonie,” you said, the affectionate nickname slipping from your lips without a second thought.

“Anytime,” Namjoon replied, his voice softening with sincerity. “But jokes aside, are you okay?”

The concern in Namjoon’s voice tugged at your heartstrings, reminding you once again of the depth of his care for you. “I’ll be fine,” you reassured him, although the words felt hollow even to your own ears.

There was another moment of silence, punctuated only by the distant strains of music drifting from the bar. “Do you want me to come out there?” Namjoon asked, his voice laced with anxiety.

As much as you wanted to say yes, to feel the comfort of Namjoon’s presence beside you, you couldn’t bring yourself to burden him with your own shit. “No, it’s okay,” you replied, forcing a note of conviction into your voice. “I just needed some air.”

Namjoon didn’t press the issue. He knew what was happening and understood the meaning of your words. Instead, he simply said, “Alright, but get back inside already. I don’t want anything to happen to you.”

Even during your turmoil, Namjoon was there for you. “Okaaaaayyyy dad,” you replied, full of sarcasm.

Namjoon laughed softly, his voice carrying a warmth that eased the ache in your chest. “I’ll be here whenever you’re ready to come back in.”

As you made your way back inside the bar to the table where Jimin and Taehyung were seated, their expressions were a mixture of sympathy and awareness. “Are you okay?” Jimin asked, his voice soft but filled with genuine worry.

You forced a smile, attempting to mask the turmoil raging inside you. “Yeah, I’m fine,” you replied, taking your long-forgotten and watered-down drink in one go, waving your hand dismissively. But they could see through the facade, sensing the underlying chaos that threatened to consume you.

Without a word, Namjoon approached the table. He placed his hand at the small of your back, offering silent support and understanding. In that moment, you felt grateful for his unwavering presence amidst your own drama.

You leaned against Namjoon’s torso and rubbed his chest before excusing yourself from the table once more. This time, however, you didn’t head for the exit. Instead, you made your way to the bar to order a considerable amount of drinks, already determined to stop feeling this level of shitty.

As you stood at the bar, ordering your drinks, you couldn’t shake the unease lingering within you. The noise of the crowded bar seemed to fade into the background as you wrestled with your thoughts, your mind consumed by the events of the evening.

On the other hand, Namjoon was careful to avoid the watchful eyes of your friends, who were scattered throughout the crowded bar. He trailed after you with a sense of purpose, his steps deliberate yet discreet. When he saw you at the bar, he didn’t hesitate to wrap his arms around your waist from behind.

At that moment, Namjoon’s heart swelled. Part of him wanted to console you for your evident emotional state. But another part couldn’t deny the selfish desire to hold you close, to revel in the warmth of your presence, even as you struggled with your own demons.

Leaning in, Namjoon gently kissed your right cheek, a silent offering of reassurance and understanding. To his relief, you sighed softly, your eyes closing as you leaned into his embrace, resting your head against his shoulder without a second thought.

“You look way too hot tonight to be feeling like this,” he whispered softly, his words a tender acknowledgment of your heartache. Despite the seriousness of the situation, his tone showed a hint of playful sincerity.

A voice interrupted the moment, cutting through the noise like a knife. Neither of you noticed Jungkook’s approach until it was too late. Drunk and unsteady on his feet, Jungkook stumbled over to the bar, his eyes widening in disbelief as he caught sight of the two of you together.

"Y/N?" The voice was slurred, unmistakably Jungkook’s. You tensed in Namjoon’s arms, your heart pounding in your chest as you turned to see Jungkook standing a few feet away, his expression a mix of shock and disbelief.

“Jungkook,” you said, trying to keep your voice steady despite the tumult of emotions swirling inside you.

Namjoon tensed beside you, his grip on your waist tightening almost imperceptibly, his expression unreadable.

“Well, well, well, look what we have here,” Jungkook slurred, his words dripping with sarcasm as he stared at you and Namjoon. “Didn’t know you were into my friends, Y/N. Guess you’ll take anyone who gives an ounce of attention, huh?”

The words hit you like a punch to the gut, leaving you momentarily speechless as you recoiled from the unexpected attack. Namjoon, however, was quick to react, his protective instincts kicking into overdrive as he stepped forward to confront Jungkook.

“Hey, that’s enough, man,” Namjoon said firmly, his voice cutting through the air as he placed himself between you and Jungkook.

You felt a pang of regret at what you had inadvertently caused, knowing that Jungkook had every right to feel hurt by seeing you with his friend.

“Y/N... and Namjoon,” Jungkook slurred, his words laced with a hint of mockery. “I never would’ve guessed.”

Namjoon’s jaw clenched in frustration. “Come on, man, you’re drunk, and you’re out of line.” Jungkook scoffed, flickering between you and Namjoon with a mixture of disbelief and anger. “Out of line?” he echoed, his tone dripping with sarcasm. I’m just stating the obvious, aren’t I, Y/N?”

Namjoon placed a calming hand on his shoulder, his touch reassuringly. “Let’s not make a scene,” he said quietly, warning Jungkook. “You’re not yourself right now. We’ll talk about this later.”

For a moment, Jungkook seemed to waver, his drunken facade faltering. But then, with a bitter laugh, he turned and stumbled away.

Turning back to you with a look of concern. “Are you okay?” he asked softly, his eyes searching yours for any sign of distress.

You nodded, offering him a shaky smile as you tried to push aside the hurtful words that lingered in the air. “Yeah, I’m fine,” you said, your voice barely above a whisper. “Let’s just get out of here, please.”

The next day dawned with a sense of unease, the previous night’s events still fresh in your mind. As you woke to the harsh light of day filtering through your curtains, you couldn’t shake the discomfort that settled over you like a heavy blanket.

Dragging yourself out of bed, you checked your phone to find a message from Jungkook, his words a stark reminder of the events that had unfolded the night before. “Hey, did you come to the bar last night?” he wrote, his tone casual as if nothing out of the ordinary had occurred. “I can’t remember a thing, lmao.”

On one hand, his casual tone and obliviousness to the events of the previous night grated on your nerves, but on the other hand, there was a sense of relief knowing that he seemed unaware of the tension that had hung between you, at least for now.

With a heavy sigh, you composed a response, your fingers tapping out a brief reply. “Yeah, I was there,” you wrote, your words tinged with a hint of bitterness you couldn’t shake. “What a night, huh? I’m glad you had fun.”

Meanwhile, on Namjoon’s end, the morning brought a sense of apprehension as he grappled with the aftermath of the confrontation with Jungkook. Despite his best efforts to put on a brave front, he couldn’t shake the feeling of guilt that gnawed at him from within.

Throughout the day, he debated whether or not to touch the subject with Jungkook. Still, his resolve faltered each time he tried to gather the courage. How could he confront his friend about his behavior without risking losing you?

As the hours passed, it became increasingly clear that Jungkook had no recollection of the events that had transpired the night before. His mind was fogged by the haze of alcohol, and he seemed oblivious to your exchange, leaving Namjoon at a loss for how to proceed.

After the farewell dinner passed, Namjoon became aware of your persistent efforts to see Jungkook one last time before his departure. He observed as you reached out to Jungkook, only to be met with excuses. Jungkook definitely didn’t want to make the effort to see you.

In the middle of the week, all the guys went out to grab some food; Namjoon sat in the backseat of the car alongside Jungkook, Jimin in the passenger seat, and Taehyung at the wheel. He noticed Jungkook’s phone light up with your name on the screen. It was already dark outside, so the glow from the phone illuminated Jungkook’s face, and Namjoon clearly saw your name on the screen.

It wasn’t a silent ride, so Namjoon didn’t know how the hell he could hear your voice so well as you spoke to Jungkook. Your desperation was palpable, each word carrying the weight of your emotions as you questioned Jungkook about what he had been up to and if he hadn’t gotten the chance to see any of your texts. Namjoon felt a pang of sympathy as he listened, knowing all too well the pain you were feeling.

Jungkook’s response was vague, and his attitude spoke volumes during the conversation.

It was a moment of rawness, the culmination of all your emotions laid bare in a single question. “Can’t you see I was in love with you?” As you spoke, your voice trembled with emotion, the words hanging heavy in the air. “I never asked you for anything,” you continued, your tone tinged with desperation. “nothing, Jungkook, not for you to move in with me or marry me; I just wanted to be with you.” Each word was punctuated by the ache of unfulfilled longing, a plea for understanding in the face of uncertainty. “I don’t get why we can’t be together,” you confessed, the weight of your heartache evident in your voice.

As Namjoon listened to your heartfelt plea, his heart sank with the weight of your words. He felt the tension in the air, a palpable reminder of the turmoil brewing beneath the surface. Unsure of what to do, he found himself fidgeting with his phone, his fingers tracing aimless patterns on the screen. He glanced briefly at Jungkook, whose expression remained unreadable, before clearing his throat in an attempt to dispel the heavy silence that hung over them. “Should we try that new restaurant that just opened up downtown?” Namjoon suggested his voice as carefully neutral as possible. He knew that your words had struck a chord in his friend.

As Jungkook struggled to find the right way to respond to your words, his mind raced with conflicting emotions. He opened his mouth to speak, but no words came out. His silence hanging heavy in the air.

Sensing his hesitation, you felt a surge of tears welling up inside. Without waiting for him to finally say something, you abruptly ended the call, your actions driven more by the need to release your pent-up emotions than a desire to hear Jungkook’s explanation. The line went silent, leaving Jungkook alone with his thoughts, grappling with the weight of your words and his own inability to answer.

Jungkook’s feelings for you remained ambiguous. It was evident that there was a deep connection between you and him. He knew he loved the attention you gave him without fully understanding your feelings. To be completely honest, you caught him off guard tonight.

He never expected your affection to run so deeply, and the words you just revealed to him left him feeling surprised and perhaps a bit overwhelmed. Jungkook may have underestimated the extent of your emotions and failed to recognize the depth of what he had with you until now.

Namjoon picked you up at the hour he promised. He didn’t waste time and started asking you about what you had been up to. He said he wanted to know how you liked the last music festival you went to, how work had been, and barely five minutes had passed.

“So, where do you want to go?” “I was thinking we could go to one of the bars near my place; what do you think?”

“Sure, I haven’t gone out at all lately”, “did you have one in mind?”

“Wait, tell me first, did you already have dinner?”

You shook your head.

“Good because I haven’t either.” What do you say if we go home and have dinner instead?”

“I’d like that”, “what about some takeout?”

On your way to get food and to his house, he didn’t stop talking for the whole ride; he kept asking all these things about you. And it’s not like you’ve not seen this side of him, but it felt nice that someone was interested enough to ask about your life lately.

The conversation flowed effortlessly as you sat on his bed, eating and watching a movie. You talked about books and films and even asked if you’d considered having children someday. The atmosphere between you was electric, as always, and Namjoon couldn’t help but be swept up in it.

Getting your containers out of the way, he gently hugged you closer, feeling the warmth of your body against his. Your heart raced at his touch, you could never deny the connection between you. “Aren’t you cold?” He began to kiss your neck, sending shivers down your spine as his lips explored your sensitive skin.

The movie played in the background, but you barely noticed as Namjoon pressed you closer, his body molding against yours. “Not anymore,” and then he kissed you deeply, his tongue exploring your mouth as his hands roamed your body.

The heat between you was undeniable as Namjoon lifted you onto his lap, your legs straddling him as he rutted into you. You moaned with pleasure, your bodies moving in a rhythm that felt both new and familiar.

Your hands tangled in his hair as you kissed him passionately, lost in the moment. Namjoon’s hands roamed over your body, tracing every curve and leaving a fire trail in their wake. The air around you was thick with desire as you both gave in to the electricity that pulsed between you.

His lips moved from your mouth to your neck, nibbling and sucking on the sensitive skin, marking you as his. Each touch sent jolts of pleasure straight to your core, causing your breath to hitch and your body to arch against him.

“Namjoon,” you moaned his name softly, the sound music to his ears. He lifted you effortlessly, laying you down on the bed so that he could hover above you. His eyes held a mixture of hunger and adoration as he took in the sight before him.

“You’re so hot,” he whispered, his voice filled with sincerity. You felt a blush creep onto your cheeks at his words, but before you could respond, his lips were on yours again.

The kiss was deep and passionate, igniting a fire within you that threatened to consume everything in its path. Namjoon’s hands explored every inch of your body, leaving no skin untouched. The soft fabric of your clothes became an obstacle that needed to be removed. With nimble fingers, he began undressing you.

When all barriers were gone, he took a moment to admire the sight before him - your naked body spread out beneath him like it was the first time his eyes ever saw you. You squirmed under his gaze.

Get a grip. This is not the first time this has happened.

He leaned down and captured one of your nipples between his lips while his hand massaged the other breast. The sensation was overwhelming as pleasure coursed through every nerve ending in your body.

Your back arched as you moaned his name loudly into the room. Namjoon continued to lavish attention on your breasts, alternating between gentle sucking and teasing flicks of his tongue.

His lips traveled a path of hot kisses down your stomach, leaving a fire trail in their wake. He peppered your skin with soft bites and licks as he made his way to the apex of your thighs.

The anticipation built within you as you felt his warm breath against your core. When his tongue finally made contact with your sensitive bud, a moan ripped from your throat. It was intense, almost too much to handle, as he expertly swirled his tongue around your clit.

Your hips bucked involuntarily as waves of ecstasy crashed over you like an earthquake. Namjoon held onto your thighs, keeping you in place as he continued to devour you with his mouth. His hands were firm yet gentle as they held onto you, grounding you in the sea of pleasure that threatened to sweep you away.

As the intensity grew, so did the need for more. You tugged at Namjoon’s hair, urging him to come up to kiss you. He complied, moving up your body until his lips met yours once again.

You flipped him over so that now you were straddling him again. Your hands roamed over his muscular chest and abdomen before trailing lower to remove his pants.

The familiar sight before you took your breath away - Namjoon completely naked and at your mercy. His length stood proudly at your attention, begging for your touch. You wrapped one hand around him firmly while using the other to tease his balls.

The anticipation built within him as he felt your warm breath against his neck. You peppered his skin with soft bites and kisses as you made your way to the apex of his thighs.

When you finally took him in your mouth, all coherent thought fled from Namjoon’s mind. The sensation was indescribable - a mixture of wet heat and suction that threatened to push him over the edge before he even had a chance to enjoy it fully.

Your tongue swirled around the tip of his length. At the same time, you maintained eye contact with him, the sight alone nearly enough to send him hurling into oblivion.

As if reading his mind, you hollowed out your cheeks and took him in deeper, maintaining eye contact the entire time. Namjoon’s hips bucked involuntarily as pleasure surged through every fiber of his being.

“Oh fuck,” he moaned loudly, the sound reverberating throughout the room. Encouraged by his reaction, you continued to work him with your mouth, alternating between long strokes and teasing flicks of your tongue.

Namjoon’s hands found their way into your hair, holding onto you for dear life as he rode out the electric charges coursing through his veins. The feeling was almost too much to bear, in the best possible way.

He could feel the pressure building within him as he neared the point of no return. With one final thrust of his hips and a low groan that quickly turned into a string of curses, Namjoon came undone.

His release flooded your mouth in hot spurts, the taste always so addictive. You swallowed him down eagerly. When he finally finished, and his body went limp with pleasure, you released him from your mouth.

Namjoon’s head fell back against the pillow and a groan escaped his lips. The sound was like music to your ears as it signaled that you drove him just as wild as he was driving you.

You leaned forward and captured one of his nipples between your lips, sucking gently. Namjoon’s hands found their way to your hips, holding you in place as he thrust upwards, seeking more friction, not giving room to his own overstimulation.

The combined sensations were overwhelming as pleasure surged through every fiber of your being. You continued to grind slowly, relishing in the way his breath hitched and his body reacted to your touch.

“Fuck, I need to be inside,” Namjoon groaned, his voice filled with desperation. The words sent a surge of heat straight to your core as you felt the wetness between your thighs increase.

You positioned yourself over him, lining him up with your entrance before slowly sinking down onto his length. You never got used to the exquisite feeling of fullness he gave you when he filled you completely, stretching you in all the right ways.

Namjoon’s hands gripped onto your hips tightly as you began to move, riding him at a pace that left both of you breathless. His eyes never left yours as he watched all of your emotions play out on your face.

The sounds of skin slapping were intoxicating. Every movement brought you closer and closer to the edge until you finally felt yourself teetering on the edge.

“I’m coming,” you managed to gasp out between moans. Namjoon nodded in understanding, his own release rapidly approaching. He reached between your bodies and began rubbing circles on your clit, pushing you over the edge.

Stars exploded behind your eyelids as a powerful orgasm crashed over you. You clamped down on Namjoon’s length as pleasure pulsed through every nerve ending in your body.

The sight was enough to send Namjoon rushing into his own orgasm. With a loud groan, he spilled himself inside of you, filling you up and leaving you all warm and pliant.

He collapsed beside you, his chest heaving as he tried to catch his breath. You rested your head against him, your thoughts suddenly swirling with confusion and desire.

Another movie on TV played in the background, but once again, it went unnoticed as Namjoon pressed soft kisses against your forehead.

As you lay in Namjoon’s chest, your body still warm from his touch, you began questioning your decisions. The weight of the moment pressed against your chest as you listened to the rhythm of his heart. It was a stark reminder that you were here with him, tangled in the sheets, while Jungkook remained out of reach.

It was the pain of missing someone so unattainable.

“I’m so glad we talked,” he playfully whispered against your skin. You looked up at him, and Namjoon sensed the shift in your demeanor. He propped himself up on one elbow, his gaze tracing over the contours of your face. “Are you okay?” he asked softly, concern lacing his voice.

You turned your head to meet his gaze and offered a small smile. “Yeah,” you replied, though uncertainty lingered in your words. “Just...thinking.”

He reached out a hand to gently brush a strand of hair behind your ear, his touch lingering against the curve of your jaw. Namjoon’s dark eyes held an intensity that made your breath catch in your throat. “About what?” he inquired.

You hesitated for a moment before deciding to be honest with him. After all, he had been nothing but open and sincere with you since your dynamic began to form. “Suddenly, I just started wondering...what am I doing” you admitted, searching for the right words to explain yourself.

Namjoon’s expression softened as he took in your words, understanding blooming across his features. He shifted closer to you, closing the remaining distance between your bodies and cupping your face in his hands. “You’re here doing this with me because we both want this,” he said firmly yet gently.

His thumb traced circles along your cheekbone as he continued speaking. “I know it’s complicated,” Namjoon acknowledged, his voice filled with empathy. “But we've built something mind-blowing—we can’t deny that.”

Your heart swelled at his words. Namjoon saw past the physical desire, recognizing the emotional entanglement that had brought you to this moment.

He leaned in, his lips brushing against your forehead in a tender gesture. “I don’t want you to overthink this,” Namjoon murmured. “Just let yourself feel, and we’ll figure it out somewhere along the way.”

His words resonated with you, easing the whirlwind of thoughts spinning through your mind. In this quiet and intimate moment, Namjoon had provided the reassurance and grounding that you needed.

You wrapped your arms around him, in awe of what he just told you. His body melded with yours, offering warmth and solace in a way that no one else had. Here, in the sanctuary of his arms, you allowed yourself to surrender to his intoxicating hugs.

The weight of uncertainty began to lift as passion replaced doubt. Namjoon’s touch ignited a fire within you—one that burned away insecurities and hesitations.

With a newfound sense of clarity, you tilted your head up to capture his lips with yours in a searing kiss. It was a silent admittance—a shared understanding.

Namjoon responded eagerly, his lips moving hungrily against yours as desire flared between you. The air grew thick with anticipation as the heat intensified, driving all rational thought from your mind.

In this moment—this raw and unfiltered desire—you were able to set aside the complexities of love and longing. It was just the two of you, bodies entwined.

You ground your hips against him, aching for more of his touch. The friction between you was intoxicating, and the hunger in Namjoon’s eyes mirrored your own.

With one hand gripping your waist, he used the other to trace a path down your body, leaving a trail of goosebumps in its wake.

Needing to feel more of him, you tugged at his torso, silently urging him to get closer. Namjoon obliged.

Unable to resist any longer, you leaned in to press a kiss against his collarbone. Slowly, you worked your way across his chest, nipping and sucking at his skin along the way. Each moan that escaped from Namjoon’s lips only spurred you on.

Namjoon’s hands roamed over your body, creating an inferno wherever they touched. Desire pooled low in your stomach as his fingers traced patterns on your skin, igniting a fire that hadn’t been extinguished earlier.

Unable to wait longer, you straddled him again, aligning your bodies so perfectly that it felt like coming home. The heat radiating from his hard length made you gasp in anticipation; you needed him desperately once again.

Namjoon’s hands found their way to the small of your back as he pulled you impossibly closer until there was no space left between. Every ridge and plane of your bodies met and melded together as if they were always meant to be this way.

Your eyes locked in before he finally entered you, inch by glorious inch. A moan escaped both your lips at this new sensation; it hasn't felt like this before. It was clear that brand new emotion was being assimilated in your bodies.

As Namjoon began moving inside you with slow yet deliberate thrusts that had you seeing stars with each delicious stroke, your lips found each other once again. The kiss was a perfect blend of passion and desire that left you both gasping for breath.

Your nails dug into his shoulders as you clung to him for dear life, your body rocked by the force of his movements. Each thrust brought you closer to the edge, the intensity building with every passing second.

“Fuck, you feel so good,” Namjoon groaned against your lips, his voice laced with a rawness that sent shivers down your spine. It was all you could do to hold on as you quivered; there wasn’t even a point in counting how many times he’s made you cum tonight.

You moved together in perfect sync, lost in a world where only your bodies and the overwhelming need for one another existed in this room. Time ceased to have any meaning as you chased your releases.

When it finally hit— that earth-shattering peak that left you gasping for air— it was as if everything fell into place. At that moment, there were no doubts or uncertainties; it was just you and Namjoon and the undeniable infatuation you shared.

As the world slowly came back into focus and your breathing returned to normal, you rested your forehead against Namjoon’s, staring deep into his eyes. You didn’t need words to convey what you were both thinking; this had just been the most incredible sex any of you have had since you started seeing each other.

The morning sunlight filtered through the curtains, casting a soft glow in the room. Namjoon stirred beside you, his sleepy gaze meeting yours. You exchanged a knowing look, but the weight of unspoken questions hung in the air.

As you both got dressed and prepared to leave, the atmosphere between you grew slightly tense. The intimacy you had shared was undeniable, but the implications were yet to be understood. You couldn’t ignore the lingering question of whether this was still a momentary escape for you or something that blossomed out last night.

As Namjoon drove you home, the usual comfortable conversation flowed between you, easing some of the tension that had built up within you. His presence was a source of familiarity and reassurance, and you couldn’t help but wonder what exactly the dynamic between the two of you was turning into.

You had always considered Namjoon a nice guy, someone you could rely on, someone who took on the role to care of you in every way. Lately, things have taken a more intimate turn, blurring the lines between friendship and something more. The physical encounter you had just shared added a layer of complexity to your relationship, leaving you with whole lot of questions.

As he pulled up in front of your house, you turned to face him, contemplating your next move. You appreciated him taking you home, but you wanted to retreat to the familiarity of your own space as soon as possible, where you could process the events of the past night.

As you stepped out of the car, you thanked Namjoon once again for everything. The unresolved tension hung in the air, unspoken words and uncharted territory lingering between you. It was clear that there was more to explore, but you also recognized the importance of introspection in this situation.

Walking away from the car, you couldn’t help but wonder what the future held for you and Namjoon. Would you continue to explore this newfound connection, or would you both retreat back to the safety of being just an acquaintance, brushing off the intensity of the previous night as a momentary lapse?

As you entered your home, uncertainty weighed on your mind, and the echoes of the night still resonated within you. One thing was sure, though—this unexpected encounter had left a strong mark, forcing you to confront your fears.

As you continued to navigate your emotions, you couldn’t help but wonder. Would you eventually find the clarity? Or were you destined to be caught in this eternal struggle between the familiar but tumultuous past and the electrifying but uncertain present?

I don’t even know what I’m getting myself into.

A week later, as the evening sun dipped below the horizon, casting hues of pink and orange across the sky, you found yourself lost in thought. It had been weeks since Jungkook had finally come back and texted you, so fate had a way of bringing you back together when you least expected it.

It started innocently enough. You were on your way to meet a few friends for dinner when you spotted him across the street. The sight of Jungkook after all this time sent a jolt of electricity through your veins, stirring emotions you had tried so hard to bury.

Caught off guard, you hesitated for a moment, unsure of how to proceed. Should you approach him and acknowledge his presence, or should you pretend not to see him and continue on your way?

Before you could decide, Jungkook turned and locked eyes with you. Time seemed to stand still as you stared at each other, the air thick with unspoken words and unresolved tension.

Taking a deep breath, you summoned some courage you didn’t know you still had. “Jungkook,” you called out softly, your voice barely above a whisper.

Facing you, a mixture of surprise and uncertainty flickering in his eyes. “Y/N,” he replied, his voice equally soft.

For a moment, neither of you spoke, the weight of the past hanging heavy between you.

“I didn’t expect to see you so soon,” Jungkook finally broke the silence, his tone tinged with a hint of sadness.

“I could say the same,” you replied, countless emotions swirling inside you.

There was a pause as you both searched for the right words, the distance between you feeling both vast and infinitesimal.

“How have you been?” Jungkook asked, his voice filled with genuine curiosity.

You shrugged, unsure of how to answer. “I’ve been... okay,” you replied hesitantly. “And you?”

Jungkook nodded, a small smile playing at the corners of his lips. “I’ve been keeping busy,” he said cryptically.

More silence followed as you both struggled to find common ground, the awkwardness of the situation palpable.

“I should get going,” you finally said, breaking the tension. “It was... nice seeing you, Jungkook.”

He nodded, unable to meet your gaze. “Yeah, you too,” he replied softly.

Just as you turned to leave, Jungkook found himself unable to resist the urge to speak up. “Wait,” he called out, voice barely above a whisper.

You turned back to face him, curiosity flickering in your eyes. “yes?” you asked, your tone gentle.

He hesitated for a moment, the words catching in his throat. “Can we get together and talk sometime?” Jungkook finally asked, his voice trembling slightly.

Your expression softened. “About what?” you replied, your voice barely audible over the city’s din.

It was quiet for a minute. “Forget it,” Jungkook said quickly, his smile faltering. “It’s nothing.”

But you couldn’t let it go. “No, Jungkook,” you insisted, stepping closer to him. “What do you need to talk about?”

For a moment, Jungkook seemed taken aback by your question, his eyes widening in surprise. And then, with a slight smile, he stepped closer to you.

He cleared his throat, leaning in slightly as if sharing a secret. “I mean,” he started, his voice barely above a whisper as though he was afraid of the words themselves. He paused, taking a moment to collect his thoughts before continuing. “It’s not like I need to, but...”

You listened intently, the gravity of Jungkook’s words sinking in. It was as if he was voicing the thoughts swirling in your mind, the unspoken desires and lingering emotions that you had both been grappling with for so long.

“We’ve always made it complicated, I know,” Jungkook continued, his eyes searching yours for understanding. “But I can’t help but wonder if maybe—just maybe—there’s a chance for us to figure out what we had.”

For a moment, you were both suspended in time; your shared moments and potential futures flashed through your eyes. Jungkook’s question had stirred something within you, a complicated mix of nostalgia, longing, and confusion. The echoes of your past relationship with him were interwoven with the exciting and passionate dynamic you had recently discovered with Namjoon. You knew you had to make a decision, not only for yourself but also for them.

As you looked into Jungkook’s hopeful eyes, you felt deep regret, not for the moments you had shared, but for the ones that never were and would never be. You realized you had been clinging to the hope that may never come. You knew in your heart that it was time to let go and move forward.

With a deep breath, you broke the silence. ‘Jungkook,’ you began, your voice steady, ‘I think it’s best if we don’t…’ Your words trailed off, but you hoped your message was clear.

Lost in your thoughts, you continued to meet your friends, the weight of shutting out someone who hurt you in the past, heavy on your shoulders. As you sat down to dinner, the events of the evening played over and over in your mind, leaving you drained of emotion.

Later that evening, after that particularly confusing and unplanned encounter with Jungkook, you found yourself sitting on the balcony of your apartment, staring out at the city lights. The soothing sound of one of your jazz playlists playing in the background served as a backdrop to your contemplation.

Just then, your phone buzzed, and it was Namjoon. He had sent you a text that read, “I don’t want to be the cause of your pain, but I can’t help how I feel. It’s complicated, I know. Just know that I’m here for you, no matter what you want to do.”

His message struck a chord deep within you. You realized that Namjoon carved himself a special place in your heart, and it was time to tell him your choice.

With Namjoon, you felt a different kind of connection. His understanding and acceptance of your complicated situation were comforting. The passion between you was undeniable, but more than that, you felt seen, valued, and respected in a way that you hadn’t with Jungkook.

As dawn breaks, you find yourself comfortably sheltered on your balcony with a steaming cup of coffee in your hands. The richness of its aroma fills your senses, providing a comforting solitude as you are lost in a sea of thoughts that you have been pondering since the early hours. Your surroundings are quiet, the world below still hushed in the early morning slumber.

Suddenly, this serene silence is broken by a familiar voice echoing from below. The unexpected shout of your name startles you, causing you to rise abruptly from your chair, your heart skipping a beat with the suddenness of it. Curiosity instantly piques within you, a compelling urge to discover the source of this voice calling you.

When you leaned over the balcony railing to peer down, much to your surprise and a slight sense of disbelief, you saw Namjoon. There he was, standing on the lonely street beneath your balcony, his posture exuding an aura of determination. The sight of him there, seemingly out of the blue, took you aback. You hadn’t expected to see him, not at this hour, not here.

“Namjoon, what are you doing here?” you managed to ask him, your voice barely a whisper against the morning chill. Your heart was racing, pounding in your chest at the unexpected sight of him. “Come on up!” You invited him in with a giggle, your mind spinning, thinking, oh my god, he’s here. A surge of laughter bubbled within you as you retreated from the balcony, giving him the time to go up to the first floor.

Without uttering a single word in response, Namjoon quickly made his way up the stairs leading to your apartment. As soon as he stepped through the door, his presence filled the room, bringing a sense of warmth and familiarity you hadn’t realized was missing until now.

The silence that had ensued was once again broken by Namjoon’s voice. His voice was softer and gentler this time, but his determination was no less. “I couldn’t stop thinking about you, Y/N,” he confessed, his eyes directly meeting yours in a gaze that held you captive. “I needed to see you, talk to you.”

“You drive me crazy in the best possible way,” Namjoon started. “Every stolen glance, every lingering touch, it’s like electricity coursing through my veins, igniting a fire that I can’t control.”

“From the moment I met you, I’ve been consumed by the thought of you, your touch, your scent, your laughter.” Namjoon continued. “I couldn’t resist your pull on me, drawing me in like a moth.”

“You make me feel alive, Y/N,” Namjoon confessed, his eyes burning with desire. “And I never want to let that go. I want to explore every inch of you, body and soul, to lose myself in the passion we share.”

“I want you to go out for drinks with your friends,” Namjoon expressed, his voice still soft. “So when you feel hungover the next day, you’ll ask me to come see you because you want to have me in your arms and cuddle you.”

“I want us to talk in the mornings, still in bed, about all types of things,” Namjoon continued, a fond smile playing on his lips. “But sometimes in the afternoons, too, I want us to be able to do whatever we want during the day.”

“I want you to tell me about the nights you go out with your friends,” Namjoon confessed, his eyes filled with warmth. “And tell me about the guy at the bar who was trying to flirt with you all night. I want you to text me when you’re drunk with your friends just to tell me dumb things because you want to be sure that I’m also thinking about you.”

“I want us to laugh while we’re making love,” Namjoon declared, full of yearning. “To start laughing because we’re trying something new, and it doesn’t make any sense. I want us to be with our friends so you can take my hand and drag me to the other room because you can’t hold back anymore, and you want us to make love right there. I want to make you try to stay quiet because there are people outside, and they might hear us.”

“I want to eat with you all the time,” Namjoon continued. “And I want you to make me talk about myself and for you to talk about everything that’s on your mind. I want us to discuss which is best, the north coast or the south coast, the west or the east. I want to imagine our dream home, still aware that we might never live together.”

“I want to tell you about my plans, the ones that make no sense whatsoever,” Namjoon confessed, his voice filled with excitement. “I want to surprise you by saying, ‘Take your passport, we’re leaving.’ I want to be afraid with you. Do things I wouldn’t do with anyone else because you make me feel safe. Come back home drunk after a night out with my friends, and for you to take my face in your hands, kiss me, and keep me close to you the whole night.”

“I want you to have your life,” Namjoon continued, his tone sincere. “So you can decide to take a few weeks off to go on a trip just because you want to. So you leave me wishing to see you through FaceTime, but all it makes me do is miss you more.”

“I don’t want us to be joined at the hip all the time,” Namjoon admitted, a smile playing on his lips. “That way, we can hang out the next day. You can tell me about your night, and I can tell you about mine.”

“I want something simple yet complicated,” Namjoon declared, his eyes locking with you. “Something that often makes me question myself, but the moment I’m in the same room with you, all my doubts disappear. I want to tell everyone you’re gorgeous, and I want to be proud to say we’re together. I want to tell you that I love you, and most importantly, I want you to be able to say that you love me, too.”

“I want to make plans with you,” Namjoon continued, his voice filled with hope. “Unaware if we’ll make them come true. I want you to have a relationship where you know where you stand. I want to be someone who you love to be with. I want us to still have the desire to fool around at times because we’re still young.”

“I want to be the one you make love to and then fall asleep with,” Namjoon confessed, his voice barely above a whisper, his hand now caressing your cheek. “The one who gives you your space and loves when you get lost in your playlists. I want to have a single life with you because our relationship would be just like that, but together.”

237 notes · View notes

orshii · 2 months

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Will I Ever See You Again? (masterlist)

Author: orshii

Pairing: Kim Hongjoong x female reader

Rating: Violence, suggestive, swearing, mentions of death, lots of angst

Trope: brother's best friend

Status: On going. . .♫

Summary: You were left alone with your brother, Yunho, and his best friend Hongjoong, after your parents' death. Yunho had someone to grieve with, but you? You had no one as your brother and his best friend pushed you away, singing becoming your only savior. There was one rule that Yunho made inside his friend group: “Don’t touch my sister”. And for this reason, Hongjoong had always kept his distance. But one night, you find yourself in danger. And from then on, Hongjoong does not leave your side. He is suddenly overprotective of you, and your relationship shifts and becomes fraught with tension and unspoken feelings, with secrets lurking beneath the surface and a painful past haunting you. Will you find out the secrets your brother and best friend have been keeping away from you? Will you be able to finally free yourself from your cruel past?

Will you fall in love amidst the chaos around you?

»»———-CHAPTER 1———-««

»»———-CHAPTER 2———-««

»»———-CHAPTER 3———-««

»»———-CHAPTER 4———-««

»»———-CHAPTER 5———-««

»»———-CHAPTER 6———-««

»»———-CHAPTER 7———-««

A/N: Well finally I managed to piece together the whole idea I wanted to write...tbh I'm not sure if this is what I wanted but, since I really wanted to write something with an overprotective and jealous Hongjoong I guess here it is. This story is a whole rollercoaster there are a lot of deep emotions and stuff, at least I hope I managed to do that. All the story is already written but I have to make a few changes and I’m writing my thesis rn so updates will be slow a little 🥲 but if you are interested at all the taglist is open for everyone. I promise it'll be worth it haha.

Title inspired by: Red Velvet - Will I Ever See You Again?

A big thank you to my bestie @bvidzsoo for helping me in everything, for supporting me, and for helping me when I got stuck lmao. LY.(divider)

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absolutebl · 6 months

Text

This Week in BL - Top 3 Are HEATING UP

Organized, in each category, by ones I'm enjoying most at the top.

Dec 2023 Wk 2

Ongoing Series - Thai

Honestly, 3 are neck & necking for top position! They are all so good in different ways. But The Sign had me hooting with laughter this week, so it scooped #1.

The Sign (Sat YT) ep 4 of 10 - This show is literally everything (except straight) all at once. It's BL, queer, band of brothers, romcom, erotica, paranormal, fated mates, mystery, suspense, slasher, and horror. It’s the king of genre mash-up chaos. I have no idea what I’m watching but I’m ON this ride. Is it a roller coaster? Is it a haunted house? Is it a twirl & hurl? Is there candy floss? Am I even tall enough? Who tf cares. All through the second scene, I was laughing. It was legit funny. Billy has great comedic timing. Guess he’s not just a pretty face.

Everyone should be watching this. Sure, it's madness but there is genius in it.

Last Twilight (Fri YT) ep 6 of 12 - Yech. August may be one of GMMTV’s least likable characters ever (and that is saying something). Meanwhile, MOAR language play! They spoiling me!

Mhok letting Day go then walking away at the party hurt so bad.

Argh this show is great!

Ep 6 so that kiss was right on schedule. I’m looking forward to the boyfriend eps before doom & pain in the new year. Carry on GMMTV.

Speaking of...

Cherry Magic (Sat YouTube) ep 2 of 12 - Oh they’re great. It’s great. It’s paced oddly, moving quickly through most of the key scenes of the original JBL in these first 2 eps. I think it’s intending to encompass more of the manga series than that one did. Which is good, cause that will get us all the way to The Library Kiss (TM). It's the best kiss in the manga. I also like the sides in this show (better than the JBL version).

My Dear Gangster Oppa (Thurs iQIYI) ep 8fin - What a lovely slightly unhinged little show. Tew, can we talk? Un-ironic suspenders, that takes courage. Also, the revolver was a crazy gun choice.

Final thoughts:

This show is just as ridiculous as its title. About a gaymer who falls in love with one of his in-game teammates, who just happens to be a IRL gangster. A real gangster, the kind that actually kills people regularly. The lead pair is doing their best with a ridiculous story and shoddy script, but I enjoyed it. Although I was grateful it wasn’t very long, what we got was oddly satisfying if, frankly, a little bit silly. Recommended. 8/10

That said, what's important about this BL is not the show, but the production and style. Let me explain... no, too much, let me sum up.

This is a chimera BL. Regarding characters: it has Japan's style otaku + Korea's style gangster + Thailand's style friendship group. It used Thai talent + Korean money (Kakao) & IP (adapted from a manwha) but aired on a Chinese channel globally (iQIYI). I'm delighted by the eclectic insanity of this production and truly doubt that any other genre but BL could ever produce like this. It's like diplomat's BL and it's the great wonder of our age that it happened at all. This BL deserves its place in the history books on production alone, even if that place is only in the footnotes. A remarkable little monster.

For Him (Thurs iQIYI) ep 3 of 10 - The sides are… messy. Using the same actor for the old bf is… odd. But in the end, this show leaves me smiling. Which means, I like it despite myself.

Bake Me Please (Mon Gaga) ep 4 of 6 - It's decent. It’s basically what I wanted Antique Bakery to be when I first watched that way back when (not to mention Bite Me). But there’s been so much BL since then that, for some reason, this is falling flat. I think it’s moving too fast for a Thai series. Although, say what you like, Ohm has to be one of the best soft kissers in the industry. He's just good at mouth tenderness.

Ugh, that doesn't sound right. But you know what I mean.

Twins the series (Fri GaGa) ep 7 of 10 - I love how First is so upset when Sprite starts chatting and being nice to Koh. Sprite is just a sweet easy-going likable boy. I enjoy Sprite as a main character, he’s a bubbly little communicator. And they had a cute kiss.

Pit Babe (Fri iQIYI) ep 5 of 14 - Because there was more Alan and Jeff and they were more key to the plot I was more into this ep. I do compare it to green smoothie down the pants in the Trash Watch.

Cooking Crush (Sun YT) ep 3 of 12 - Look OffGun are truly great. But I’m just not sure we need them in BL anymore. That said, it’s nice to see Off as "the one with the crush" for a change. Also, this show is only good when OffGun are on screen together, otherwise it kinda, well, sucks.

Night Dream (Sat YT) ep 1 of 6 - Cafe setting featuring a cook and a writer. *Seems awfully familiar.* Except these two are exes and this is a reunion romance. It’s stiff and very pulp but not bad (no crap sound effects) and I am a sucker for a reunion romance. That said, Rookie Thailand is not to be trusted, proceed with caution.

Absolute Zero (Weds iQIYI) ep 12fin - I'm grateful this is over. It was tense but for the wrong reasons - sadness and confusion. This final episode was fine, but that’s because it was mostly them being together + flashbacks. Plus all the familiar actor faces of the grown-up friends (hi, Karn my lovely, still stunning I see). But 2 of 12 episodes is not enough for the 10 of suffering and confusion that came before.

In conclusion:

A man is killed on his 10th anniversary resulting in a time paradox, for which the only solution is him never meeting his childhood sweetheart until later in life. Both lovers cycle back to the past at different ages, so that they each become their own 1st & 2nd great loves, but every time it ends in pain, until each also endures 10 years of separation. Finally it gets fixed, but leaves them with multiple memories of time's failures like temporal PTSD, and everyone around them has chronic deja vu. Me? I got both. This is one of those BLs that is high-quality with great acting but poor story. If you like your BL dwelling, maudlin, and tense due to angst and suffering, then you might enjoy this. But I just regret it, 6/10. Recommended only if you like confusing time travel emo pain.

In which case, just watch Tokyo in April is... instead. Give over Thailand, Japan does it better.

Middleman’s Love (Fri YT & iQIYI ep 6 of 8 - While our main couple isn’t working for me... the side couple isn’t working for me either. I really wanted to give LeoTai a chance, this is the 3rd show I’ve seen them in, and still nope. I like Jade a lot more when he’s sad. He’s a much more pleasant screen experience depressed. I would like him to stay hurt for a couple of eps, just so I can enjoy this show a tiny bit more. But then he just goes unhinged again. Argh. I just don’t like it.

My Universe (Sun iQIYI) Pisces of Me ep 17 of 24 - Codependent boyfriends in middle school planning for high school dealing with stuff. Including other boys being into them.

Playboyy (Thurs Gaga) 5 of 14 eps - Dear Playboyy, it's not you, it’s me… I hate you. You’re about as deep (and as palatable) as a shot glass of cum. While I'm sure you’re someone’s kink, you're my weakest link. Goodbye. DNF

Ongoing Series - Not Thai

VIP Only (Taiwan Fri Gaga) ep 5 of 10 - It’s cute but I don’t think BL in this short format is Taiwan’s strength these days. And this is quite slow and dull. Perhaps they should have whacked it down to 6 eps, not 10.

Sahara-sensei to Toki-kun (Japan Fri Gaga) ep 3 of 8 - This is one of those JBLs that I should like on paper but is failing me. The drag bit was ridiculous but handled gently. The kiss was… well… something wasn’t it? It’s all very odd. I like the photographer cutie character.

It's Airing But...

The Whisperer (Sun ????) 10 eps - Thai horror BL that ALSO involves cheating (what joy is mine). I don't think even the perfect single dimple can motivate me to watch. Word is... it's terrible.

7 Days Before Valentine (Weds WeTV) 10 eps - Giving me Luminous Solution vibes. I'm waiting to binge if it's safe.

Beyond The Star (Weds iQIYI) 8 eps - House of Stars meets Boyband. I was NOT impressed with ep 1. Been told I shouldn't bother.

What Did You Eat Yesterday Season 2 AKA Kinou Nani Tabeta? Season 2 (Japan Gaga) 10 eps - I find this series more fun to binge, so I'm waiting until after it completes its run next week.

Dear Kitakyushu (Thai/Japan movie) in theaters in country only, I know nothing about distribution.

Behind the Shadows (Korea movie) this is a historical I was interested in, but I've been told they kill the gay so I'm OUT.

Next Week Looks Like This

Still coming:

12/23 Dead Friend Forever (Thai horror) iQIYI

Original 2023 forthcoming BL master post (see comments, some are inaccurate, NOT KEPT UPDATED). With the end of the year upon us I'll do an "announced for 2023 but never happened list" soon.

THIS WEEK’S BEST MOMENTS

He so pretty.

I forgot how likable TayNew are, and frankly I think New is a better version of this role for me, personally. I like him a lot. He's a conscientious sweetheart. And a good egg. (Cherry Magic)

Ah the rooftop my old friend. (Last Twilight)

I would like to point out that it's no accident the naga's sex dream happened in the shower, he's a water creature after all. (The Sign)

(Last week)

#the sign the series #was very hot this week #this week in bl #bl updates #Last Twilight #Thai BL #cherry magic #my dear gangster oppa #my dear gangster oppa review #for him the series #Bake Me Please #antique bakery #twins the series #cooking crush #offgun #Absolute Zero review #bl reviewed #bl reviews

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gn4bnahc · 1 month

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Do I have a chance? | Part 2

Pairing: Popular guy!Bangchan x Quiet girl!Reader

Genre: Fluff, Friends to lovers

Part 1

Masterlist

THIS IS JUST FICTION!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It was lunch time, you were sitting with Changbin, both of you see Chan getting lunch, “What’s up with you and Chan? You guys have been hanging out a lot lately and he mostly talks about you whenever we are together”, Changbin says while raising his eyebrow, “We’re just friends what do you mean?”, you say trying to avoid eye contact with him, “Really hm? I see him smiling often while he’s on his phone and when I look at who he’s texting, it’s you…”, Changbin says looking at you suspiciously, “Well I guess Im a really funny person”, you say while looking everywhere, but his eyes, “Pfft you are not a funny person, I don’t remember laughing while talking to you”, Changbin says while rolling his eyes, “Oh really? Why did the chicken cross the road?”, you say making an attempt to make him laugh, “Why?”, Changbin says, already cringing even though you haven’t finished the joke yet, “Because there was kfc on the other side!”, you say smiling awkwardly, “Oh… umm… that was… no comment…”, Changbin says while forming a fake smile, “i’ll go now… you and Chan definitely are a thing and you are something…”, Changbin says while walking away, Chan approaches you, sitting beside you. “What were you guys talk about?”, Chan says while smiling widely at you and taking a bite of his food, “Oh that… it was nothing… haha…”, you say while smiling weirdly at him, “Ok, you guys were definitely talking about something weird”, Chan says as he chuckled. Few minutes passed and you looked like a tomato, so red from blushing, and you were a laughing mess, Chan looks at you and can’t help but admire you, the way you laughed, the way your smile lights up the whole place. You both stare at eachother and it was silent, you accidentally drop your spoon, you both look down to pick it up, both of your head bump with eachother, both of you chuckled, “You alright?”, Chan says while smiling sweetly at you, caressing your head, both of you looked at eachother again, Chan stared at your eyes and at your beautiful face, all he wanted to do right now was to kiss you. Then, Chan said “Y/n can I court you?”, “What… Chan, don’t be ridiculous”, you say while lauging awkwardly, “Y/n, ever since I saw you, you were the only one that I think about 24/7, I wonder if you like this and that, I wonder what it would be like having you in my arms, hugging and cuddling with you, I wonder what it would be like to be… yours… Y/n you haunt my mind day and night, so please…”, Chan looks at you with determination in his eyes, “Chan, I mean… why me? theres so much better girls out there… I mean-”, you say while Chan looks at you in disbelief and cuts you off by kissing you on your lips, “But…”, you say while Chan broke off the kiss, “No more buts, I take that as a yes, see you again tomorrow, love you!, Chan says while running away, smiling like an idiot, you feel your cheeks heat up, “There is no way that this isn’t a dream”, you say while still flabbergasted.

The next day, Chan texted you to meet at the back of the bleachers, you go there and see him holding a bouquet of your favorite flowers and a 2 packs of dried mangoes (if you don’t like mangoes well you do now), “I know you really like these” Chan says while smiling cutely at you, you take the flowers and he grabs your hand to sit with him on the bleachers, “I know you don’t really like catching people’s attention, so I took you here instead, let’s eat these together”, he says while placing a kiss on your cheek, “And who told you, you can kiss me on the cheek? hm?”, you say, teasing him, “Oh you don’t want kisses on the cheek? Ok, ill just kiss you on the lips then”, Chan doesn’t let you respond and he suddenly holds your waist and pecks on your lips multiple times, “Chan! stop it”, you say while blushing, “Chan, you do know that you’re still courting me, I can’t just let you kiss me”, you say shyly, “Oh but you let me kiss you at the cafeteria yesterday though”, Chan says in a teasing tone, “Hey!… I did not let you kiss me, you just suddenly kissed me out of nowhere”, you say, acting sassy, “Yeah sure… whatever you say”, he says rolling his eyes while smiling, you pout and shove 3 pieces of dried mangoes in his mouth to make him shut up, Chan chuckled at your cuteness. When class was over, Chan drived you back home, and you placed a kiss on his cheek and opened the door and ran fast, leaving him flabbergasted like you the day he asked to court you.

Everyday, Chan would always give you something, something that made your day. Each day, you see the amount of effort he gives you. One day, while Chan was driving you home after he took you out for dinner, you hold his hand while the traffic lights turned red, he looks at you and smiles at you, “Yes”, you say while he’s confused by what you meant, “What?”, Chan say’s, confused, “it’s a yes Chan, my answer is yes”, you say while smiling widely at him, “Wha… ooooooh… Oh! Really?!?! wait you better be serious right now”, Chan says as the traffic lights turned green, “Baby, did you really have to do that now, Im so happy, I can’t even focus on driving, oh gosh”, Chan says while smiling like an idiot, this was the first time he called you “Baby”.

Few years later

Both of you were happily married, you and Chan are cuddling on the bed, wearing matching pajamas, he plays with your hair while you snuggle on him, “I never thought I would have a chance with you, not until that day you asked me if you can court me”, you say as he kisses your head, sniffing your hair that smelled like your favorite flower.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I cant believe I did this in one night 😭, I tagged some of the people that liked part 1 early.

@nowadays56 @therid-iidae @bethanysnow @itsshy2001 @arloo00 @jenzlovschan @zofiaaa @mjailene15 @jusanontstuff @honeyjake @saaucie @brownriceocean @planetoddinary

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gaysindistress · 6 months

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Связи (n.) connections - one

disclaimer: credits to original creator/poster of image/gif. found on google/Pinterest

pairings: mob!bucky x reader

Summary: “Did you think you could hide from us? That’s adorable, little one. There’s no where on this planet where you could hide from the Shostakov Bratva and even if you did manage to evade us, the Barnes Bratva would find you. Your связи, your connections, will always come back to haunt you, Y/N.”

Warnings: cursing

Word count: 2.5k

series masterlist | gaysindistress masterlist

Taglist: @unaxv @identity2212

Dreykov.

The only man who has ever gotten close to destroying my family.

Ironic considering that he was the Sovietnik to my father but that was before he took it upon himself to ensure that my sisters and I wouldn’t be able to secure a familial line for the Shostakov Bratva.

He believed that only blood could produce blood. In other words, since we were all adopted, we did not have true Shostakov blood and could not carry on the Shostakov bloodline. My father did away with that outdated rule the moment Natasha came into his life but Dreykov refused to let it go.

Frankly I don’t remember anything from that night aside from a needle stabbing me in the neck and waking up in a hospital room. My father held my mother as she sobbed over the three of us all laying perfectly still in our beds. From what Alexei told me, I’m grateful I don’t remember being given an involuntary hysterectomy. If he hadn't already, I would’ve hunted Dreykov down myself and killed him for what he did to us.

Shortly after the three of us were discharged, Alexei sent us along with our mother, Melina, to live in Russia. He claimed it was safer that way but I could see the doubt in his eyes as he lied through his teeth. I think we made it two months before there was an attack. A trio of masked men broke in at night and had grabbed Yelena and I before my father’s men got there. The one that grabbed me was shot as he carried me through the foyer but another quickly grabbed me and yet again I was drugged. I remember the muffled screams of Yelena as the third dragged her away from the banister but then nothing.

I woke up in a small cabin filled to the brim with jars and bottles of various things. Some looked like herbs while others looked like body parts. The woman who was puttering around in the kitchen turned at the sound of me moving and I swore under my breath. Before me was the woman who ran the orphanage I’d lived in for 7 years before my parents adopted me.

She explained that Natasha had arranged for me to live with her until I was of age. “For your own sake,” she’d said and I knew once again I was being lied to by the people I’d trusted the most.

After I turned 17, I found the first US embassy I could and demanded they give me refuge. I made up some story but they all knew I was lying. Even though Alexei may not have been my birth father, I was always told I was a spitting image of him. Whether or not it was the looks or the personality, I’ll never know but the embassy staff immediately jumped on the chance to bring back Oksana Alexeyevna Shostakova-Vostokova.

As I was loaded onto the plane, I asked that they call me Y/N instead. Oksana felt too close to home and I wanted…no needed a fresh start. Y/N had been a nickname Melina gave me and even though I might never see her again, I would always have her near with y/n.

I was all but dropped in NYC with some falsified documents and $5,000 in cash as well as a promise to assist the government in any way I could. The military reached out to me while the FBI pounded on my door. NYPD cops tailed me everywhere and after 3 months of a shit waitressing job, I took up their offer. Within a matter of a few months, I was working as a personal assistant to the police captain of the 99th precinct.

When I turned 21, I was sent to the academy and came back as a fully fledged police officer. Thanks to the falsified documents, everyone knows me as Y/N Polastri and I’ve been able to forget about my life as Oksana Shostakova-Vostokova. My captain, Tony Stark, is aware of my past but only because I had called him one night when I first started, scared shitless because I thought I was being followed. I ended up spilling everything to him and begged him to keep it a secret. He, of course, honored that and from there, we grew closer. His husband, Steve, jokes that I’m the daughter they couldn’t have and even had us take family pictures together. At first Tony said it was ridiculous but he can’t say no to his husband and now his office is covered in various family portraits of us.

Not a day goes by where I don’t think of my sisters or even my parents but I’ve tried looking for them. The only thing I’ve been able to find is an old Russian news article that claims several unnamed Shostakov Bratva members died in a house fire the night I was kidnapped. Aside from that, nothing.

My father, however, hasn’t shied from the limelight. His name is plastered on every police board imaginable as one of the most wanted men in America. Tony does what he can to limit it at our precinct but it would draw attention if he completely got rid of any trace of Alexei. It wasn’t until two FBI agents, SSA Wanda Maximoff and SA Carol Danvers requested our help that I realized how much trouble he’s gotten into.

SSA maximoff laid out her impressive file on him, spreading the papers across the entire conference table as she explained how he’s the largest arms dealer on the East Coast.

“We’ve been able to connect him to not only the Barnes Bratva but also to the Widows,” she’d said while still admiring her work.

I decided then to keep myself busy and do what I could to stay clear of the feds.

I’d failed my own mission miserably but how is a person expected to avoid two people that have made it their mission to find me? A part of me wondered if they knew who I was but it became clear that they didn’t when SA Danvers began flirting with me. It was subtle at first, small smiles and touches which led to brief conversations and daily compliments. She reminded me of Morgan from Criminals Minds with special attention she paid me. It took maybe three months for her to wear me down enough that I finally said yes when she asked me out.

Tony only ever asked once if I planned on telling Carol about my family and the answer was a resounding “no. They’re dead to me.”

My plan to move on and forget worked well for years. I was able to live the way I only thought possible in dreams.

That is until I see a red envelope sitting on my desk. Everything around me starts to move in slow motion as I stare at the offending object so casually sitting among my things. The usually loud precinct drowns out to nothingness and the officers mill around become blurred streaks of blue.

I approach my desk with caution and inspect the letter as much as I can without touching it. I already know who it’s from, I don’t need to look at the black wax seal or the symbol stamped into it. Taking a seat, I pick up the letter and hold it in my lap. The implications of it are swirling around my head.

He knows.

He knows who I’ve become, where I am, and I have no idea for how long.

The letter feels disgusting and heavy in my hands. I have no idea what the contents are and I’m half tempted to throw it away without a second thought but I can’t. Not when he knows my cover and I need to know why.

I peel it open and pull out the black invitation neatly tucked inside. It’s entirely in Russian and I struggle at first after choosing to never use my native tongue but one sentence is clear.

“The Shostakov family regretfully announces the death of their daughter, Natasha Shostakova-Vostokova.”

The death of their daughter, Natasha Shostakova-Vostokova.

Death.

Natasha.

Natasha is dead.

My sister is dead.

And this is how my piece of shit father decides to tell me?

A fucking letter on my work desk in the middle of a busy precinct after years of no contact?

I keep reading.

The next line is a date, time, and address. Her funeral is going to be held at the family’s estate three days from now on Friday.

I wrinkle my nose, hoping to push away the tears that burn my eyes.

She’s gone.

Nat is gone and the last thing I ever said to her was “fuck off”. Well it was the last thing I screamed at her the night Yelena and I were kidnapped. We’d gotten into a fight about stealing socks and being the rage filled kid I was, I screamed at her to leave me alone. When she didn’t, I screamed at her to “fuck off” and she did. I never raised my voice or cursed at her so I knew it would get her attention and it worked. I half expected her to knock on my door later to make up but there was only the sound of raining gunfire and Yelena’s screams.

A light knock on my desk jolts me back to reality and I frantically look around before seeing Tony peering down at me.

“You okay?” He murmurs, throwing a glance to the letter in my lap. I look between it and him before offering it up.

He makes quick work of reading it and sharply inhales as he hands it back.

“Go home,” he tells me, “pack a bag and go home to the cabin. I’ll have Steve meet you there, okay?”

I stare up at the man I’ve come to love as a father and consider his offer of safety.

“No.”

He furrows his brows at me, “no?”

“No,” I say again, “I can’t leave. If he was able to send this to me, he’ll know about the cabin and have men waiting there. Besides, it'll look suspicious.”

Tony crosses his arms, “to who?”

I throw a loom to the redhead fed who’s walking in, “use your brain, captain.”

“She doesn’t know.”

“Doesn’t mean she’s not smart enough to figure it out. News will spread fast and I don’t want to connect the dots for her.”

He rolls his eyes and lets out a loud sigh, “Jesus Christ, Y/N. You need to stop being so paranoid.”

Carol drops herself onto my desk and saves me from having to listen to any more of his lectures about my paranoia.

“Everything okay over here?” She asks as she takes a sip of her coffee and hands me one too.

“Just peachy,” Tony snarks and sends me a pointed look before walking away. He’s never really liked her but it’s gotten worse since we started dating. He claimed it was because he didn’t approve of office romances even though his own marriage had been the result of one.

“What’s his problem?”

“Your guess is as good as mine,” I lie and shove the letter into my bag. She makes a move to grab the envelope but I’m faster.

She goes to ask another question, presumably about my jumpy attitude but I cut her off with a quick peck and tell her that I have a lot of work to do. She looks upset with me telling her to get lost although in a nicer way but leaves nonetheless. I want to feel bad, I do, I really do but I don’t. Nat is weighing too heavily on my mind to care if I’ve upset anyone, let alone Carol.

Nat consumes my every thought. She becomes all that I can think about as I mindlessly finish paperwork and reports.

All that occupies my mind is nat.

Nat.

I should’ve known better than to show up to a Shostakov event in black. My father’s signature color is red and my eyes are burning from the way the color drips from every inch of his house. The flowers, the banners, the signs, even the gravel are all the same shade of vibrant red. It reminds me of a crayon with how bright and primary it is.

The guests are all dressed in various styles of the same primary red but I’m the only one dressed in only black. I know I stick out for the moment but as soon as I step inside, I’ll blend into the surroundings. Even out of practice, I still remember how to merge into a crowd with ease.

As I walk up the polished steps of my father’s home, I search for any familiar faces amongst the crowd but I see no one. For a brief second, I think I spot Yelena’s blonde hair but it’s gone when I look again. A man dressed in a simple black suit with a rose pinned to his lapel appears at my side, asking to take my coat. I nearly jump from his unexpected closeness but smile and hand it to him. He’s wearing an uncanny smile and it sends a shiver down my spine as he clutches my coat to his chest. I make a mental note to “forget” it when I leave out of concern he might do something to it.

A loud call sounds before me and my eyes dart to the origins. The person who made the noise can’t be seen but I know who it is thanks to his booming voice.

“Welcome,” my father’s voice ricochets off the barren walls, “my wife and I want to thank all of you for coming to celebrate the life of our daughter Natasha. Her death is a great tragedy for our family but we are Shostakovs! We are strong and resilient! We will avenge her and make her proud as she watches over us!”

Men cheer while women wipe their eyes and nod in agreement around me. My eyes threaten to roll right out of their sockets at their performative sadness. Russians aren’t known for their sensitivity and Bratvas are even worse. When Dreykov was murdered, albeit by my father’s hand, no one mourned. His daughter was whisked away to live with her mother in England but other than that, the world continued as it had before.

My father has one thick arm wrapped around a dark haired woman and the other around a younger blonde. I squint to make out their families and I gasp when I recognize them as my mother and sister. Melina looks almost exactly as she had all those years ago and Yelena…. She looks like a completely different person. Granted it’s been almost a decade since I last saw her but there’s a fundamental change in her that I can’t describe.

Her sharp eyes seem to find mine and they narrow before moving to survey the rest of the crowd. A hand brushes against my back and I snap my head to the side, getting ready to curse at whoever touched me.

The hand shifts to my hip and pulls me subtly into their side but they don’t bother to look at me. Instead they lean down and a chilling air caresses me as I recognize their baritone voice.

“Welcome home, Oksana.”

So much for going unnoticed.

#Связи (n.) connections #bucky barnes imagine #bucky barnes #bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes x y/n #bucky barnes x you #bucky barnes fic #marvel imagine #bucky barnes fanfic #mob au #mob!bucky barnes imagine #Связи (n.) connections Bucky x reader #bucky barnes reader insert #mob!bucky #mob!bucky barnes x reader #mob!bucky barnes and reader #marvel #mob bucky barnes #mob bucky x reader

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svn-bangtan · 11 months

Text

Seven (Clean version?)

»pairing: Idol!Jungkook x reader

»genre: BTS | 13+ | Fluff

»wc/date: 3.1k | July 2023

» warnings: Based on Seven music video? Mentions of smut? Jungkook being Jungkook.

»Summary: After ending her 7 year relationship Y/n shares that her breakup with Jungkook was partially due to his unrealistic desire for sex seven days a week. If that wasn’t enough, Y/n seemingly keeps seeing Jungkook everywhere. Just know a lot has happened in the seven days they have been apart

» notes: I was thinking about making an explicit version of this, but haven’t decided if I should, so you all should let me know.

» m.list | Taglist | Thoughts? Comments? Concerns

Seoul's bustling city lights painted a vivid canvas as Y/n and Jimin sat in a secret and quiet area of their favorite restaurant, savoring the delectable flavors of their homeland. The aroma of sizzling Korean delicacies filled the air, adding to the festive atmosphere of the lively eatery.

Jimin couldn't resist his playful nature, and as he took a sip of his tea, he asked with a mischievous grin, "Okay, so let me get this straight, you broke up last week with Jungkook because he wants to fuck you right seven days a week?" His laughter was infectious, causing Y/n to sigh in defeat.

"Seriously, Jimin? Is that all you think about?" Y/n rolled her eyes playfully, unable to hold back a smile. "Yes, that's one of the reasons, but it's not the only one. Our physical relationship became overwhelming, and I didn't expect that to be such a challenge in our relationship."

Jimin couldn't stop laughing, imagining poor Jungkook keeping track of his seven-day schedule. "I can't even imagine! How does he have that much energy? Is he secretly training for the Olympics?"

Y/n chuckled, playing along with Jimin's comedic flair. "You should know, you used to live with him! Maybe he's been doing some intense stamina training behind my back."

Jimin laughed heartily, "Oh, Y/n, you always have the most interesting stories. Who would've thought that 'too much love' could be an issue?"

"Do you think I'm being silly?" Y/n asked, her tone more serious.

Jimin reached out and patted his friend's hand reassuringly. "Not at all! Relationships are complicated, and each one is unique. What matters is how you feel and what you need. Relationships should have a healthy balance of emotional and physical connection. Maybe he didn't fully understand how exhausting it was for you."

"Do you think so?" Y/n asked, hoping for some insight from his ever-entertaining friend.

Jimin nodded thoughtfully. "Well, you know how guys can sometimes get carried away by their 'manly urges.' Perhaps he thought he was auditioning for a K-drama series titled 'Seven Nights of Passion.'"

Y/n couldn't help but giggle at the mental image. "Okay, that's enough pun-ishment for me."

Jimin grinned. "Deal! But in all seriousness, communication is key. Have an open and honest conversation with him about how you feel. If he truly cares about you, he'll understand and find a way to meet you halfway."

Y/n nodded, feeling grateful for his friend's support. "You're right, Jimin. It's time for a serious heart-to-heart. No puns, no innuendos, just a genuine conversation about our needs and expectations."

Jimin raised an eyebrow playfully. "Wait, no puns? Are you sure you're not pun-ishing me too harshly?"

Y/n laughed, rolling her eyes in mock annoyance. "Okay, just one pun. But only if you promise to be serious when I need it."

With a grin, Jimin encouraged Y/n to continue, "Anyways, tell me more, spill the spicy details!"

"Well," Y/n began, "ever since we decided to take a break, I swear I've been seeing Jungkook everywhere. It's like he's haunting me or something."

Jimin raised an eyebrow, intrigued. "Everywhere? Like how?"

Y/n nodded, looking a bit flustered. "Well..."

Y/n sat on the train, her earphones on, listening to her favorite K-pop playlist. The rhythmic beats tried to drown out her thoughts, but memories of Jungkook kept resurfacing. She leaned her head against the window, feeling a mix of emotions from nostalgia to frustration.

As the train pulled to a stop at a station, Y/n glanced up from her reverie and caught a glimpse of something that made her heart skip a beat. There, just outside the window, hanging onto the train was Jungkook, his signature smile plastered on his face. He waved enthusiastically, trying to get her attention.

Y/n blinked, thinking she must be imagining things again. "No way," she mumbled to herself, her eyes widening as she looked again. "This can't be real."

But there he was, unmistakably Jungkook, waving like a happy kid. A shiver ran down Y/n's spine, and she decided to pull out her earphones to make sure she wasn't hearing things too.

The music stopped, and the train's ambient noises filled the void. Y/n's heart pounded in her chest as she stared at Jungkook outside the train. "What on earth is going on?" she whispered, her mind racing with disbelief.

She leaned back in her seat, trying to gather her thoughts, hoping that this was all a bizarre coincidence. "Okay, breathe, Y/n. It's probably just someone who looks like him," she said, attempting to reassure herself.

Summoning the courage to face the possibility, Y/n looked up once more, and her jaw dropped. Jungkook was still there, hanging on the outside of the train, waving even more enthusiastically now.

"Y/n, are you alright?" a concerned voice asked from the seat next to her.

She turned to find an elderly woman looking at her with worry in her eyes. "I, uh, I think I just saw someone I know outside the train," Y/n stammered, trying to make sense of it all.

The woman chuckled kindly. "Oh, dear. Must be your mind playing tricks on you. Don't worry too much about it."

Nodding, Y/n closed her eyes, trying to compose herself. "You're right. Maybe I need some sleep or something."

When she opened her eyes again and looked outside, Jungkook was gone. The train had already left the station, and there was no sign of him anywhere.

"Y/n, are you sure you're okay?" the woman asked again, genuine concern in her voice.

Y/n managed a weak smile. "I think I will be. Thank you for checking on me."

Jimin chuckled, "That's your mind playing tricks on you, Y/n. It's common after a breakup to see the person you were with in random places."

"It sounds ridiculous, I know!" Y/n chuckled, "But wait, there's more. Another time, when I was walking home in the afternoon, I swear I saw him lying lifeless in the middle of the street. But when the paramedics came, he suddenly got up and chased after me with flowers!"

Jimin couldn't contain his laughter, "This is better than a K-drama! You should write a romantic comedy based on your experiences! Or, you know, since Jungkook is part of the biggest group in the world, not to brag, this could make a very good music video."

Y/n chuckled, "You got jokes Jimin, I know it sounds crazy! But wait, there's more. One stormy night, I was walking home, and he was once again following me, and as the wind picked up, he flew away!"

Jimin's eyes widened with amusement, "Y/n, you've got quite the imagination! Flying ex-boyfriends are a new one for me!"

"And it doesn't end there, I also dreamt of going to his funeral," Y/n continued, "and he wasn't even dead! He used it as an opportunity to finally talk to me. Can you believe it?"

Jimin burst into laughter again, "You are one crazy dreamer, my friend!"

Y/n couldn't help but laugh along with Jimin. "I know, it's ridiculous! I must be losing my mind."

Jimin placed a comforting hand on Y/n's shoulder. "You're not losing your mind, Y/n. Breakups can mess with your emotions and make you see things differently. But you know what? Maybe all these wild experiences are just a way for your subconscious to process the breakup and your feelings for Jungkook."

"Do you think so?" Y/n asked, feeling a bit more reassured.

"Absolutely!" Jimin exclaimed. "But remember, you need to talk to Jungkook honestly about how you feel. Maybe he's been trying to reach out to you and make things right."

Y/n nodded, "You're right, Jimin. I can't keep avoiding him forever. We need to have a sit-down conversation."

Jimin smiled, "That's the spirit! You've got this, Y/n. And no more flying ex-boyfriends, okay?"

Y/n laughed, "Deal! No more wild imaginings. Just a simple, honest conversation."

Its Wednesday, and like always the laundromat was bustling with customers, and Y/n found herself in the midst of the chaos, trying to navigate her way through the maze of washing machines. Clutching her laundry basket, she sighed, wondering if she would ever get her laundry done in peace.

Little did she know that lurking behind her, sitting nonchalantly on top of some washing machines, was none other than Jungkook, with his hands tucked into the pockets of his hoodie. He watched her intently, ready to seize any opportunity to talk to her.

As Y/n moved to the next row of washing machines, Jungkook stealthily followed, trying to get her attention. "Y/n, please, just talk to me! You love when I jump right in, I'm offering all of me and I can show you what devotion is, " he implored with puppy dog eyes.

Ignoring him, Y/n pretended not to notice and continued sorting her laundry. She hoped that he would get the message and leave her alone, but Jungkook seemed persistent.

"You wrap around me and you give me life" he insisted, stepping closer to her, "And that's why night after night, I'll be fucking' you right!"

Y/n's patience was wearing thin, and the laundromat's chaos was only adding to her stress. She tried to maintain her cool, but Jungkook's continuous pestering was getting under her skin.

As they stood across from each other, the unthinkable happened – the laundromat started to flood! At first, Y/n didn't pay much attention to it, thinking it was just a minor issue with the machines. But as the water reached ankle-deep, she realized something was seriously wrong.

"Oh great, just what I needed," Y/n muttered, rolling her eyes at the absurdity of the situation.

But Jungkook continued to love-bomb her, completely oblivious to the fact that they were now standing in knee-deep water. "We can have the most amazing time together!"

The situation was becoming absurd, and Y/n couldn't believe Jungkook's persistence. As they continued to stand across from each other, the water in the laundromat started to rise steadily.

"I can leave you with an afterglow if you just let me." Jungkook pleaded, seemingly oblivious to the rising water.

"Do you not see what's happening?" Y/n exclaimed, gesturing to the water around them. "The place is flooding, and all you can think about is getting back together?"

Jungkook smiled sheepishly, scratching the back of his head. "I guess I got carried away with my feelings."

"Do you always have to make everything about you?" Y/n snapped, frustration boiling over. "I need space to think, and you're not making it easy."

As the water reached their knees, Jungkook's determination didn't waver. "I'll do anything to make you happy, Y/n. Just tell me what you want, and I'll do it."

"Do you really think you can fix everything with just words?" Y/n said, shaking her head. "Actions speak louder, you know."

The water continued to rise, reaching their chests now. Y/n couldn't believe the absurdity of the situation. "This is insane. I can't believe I'm standing here, having this conversation with you while we're both drenched!"

Jungkook seemed undeterred by the flood, still trying to get closer to Y/n. "I love you, Y/n, and I'll do anything to prove it."

"Do you even hear yourself?" she exclaimed, exasperated. "This is not romantic; it's just ridiculous."

As the water continued to rise, Y/n decided she'd had enough. Without any warning, she took a deep breath and dived underwater, trying to escape Jungkook's relentless pursuit. To her surprise, Jungkook followed suit, diving after her like a determined swimmer.

Y/n emerged from underneath the water of the flooded laundromat, gasping for breath as she coughed up water. She looked around, expecting to see Jungkook still pursuing her with that playful grin on his face, but to her surprise, there was no trace of him anywhere.

"Did he finally give up?" she wondered aloud, scanning the area. The water had risen considerably, and the laundromat was now a watery mess. Customers were evacuating, and staff members were rushing to address the flooding.

Shaking her head to clear her thoughts, Y/n decided it was time to leave. She waded through the water, heading towards the exit. As she stepped out onto the street, she glanced back at the laundromat one last time, half-expecting Jungkook to pop out from behind a machine or splash around in the water.

But there was still no sign of him.

"What is going on?" She asks herself. Shrugging off her doubts, Y/n decided to focus on more pressing matters – like finding a dry place to change out of her soaking-wet clothes

As the rain poured down on the darkened streets, Y/n walked with a heavy heart, her clothes drenched from the unexpected downpour. Her mind was a whirlwind of emotions, and she couldn't help but feel a mix of frustration and amusement at the reason behind her breakup with Jungkook. Who would've thought that their love would be tested by something as absurd as seven-day-a-week intimacy?

As she trudged along, she heard faint footsteps behind her, and when she turned around, she half-expected to see Jungkook standing there, his smile cheeky as ever. But the street was empty, and she sighed, "Great, now I'm even imagining Jungkook in the rain. I'm officially losing it."

But the footsteps persisted, and to her utter surprise, when she turned back around, there he was – Jungkook, looking as soaked and bedraggled as she felt. He was panting slightly from running to catch up with her.

"Y/n!" Jungkook exclaimed between breaths, "I knew I'd find you. I can't let you walk home alone in this rain."

She blinked in disbelief, unsure if she was hallucinating or not. "You followed me in the rain to apologize for the whole seven-days-a-week thing?"

Jungkook nodded earnestly, water dripping from his hair. "Yes, I need to talk to you. I realized how ridiculous and unfair it was of me to expect that from you. I'm sorry, Y/n."

"Do you have any idea how silly that whole thing was?" she asked, a smile tugging at the corners of her lips.

Jungkook's eyes widened, and he chuckled, "Yeah, I know. It sounds absurd now that I think about it."

"Do you have any idea how tired I would be if we actually attempted that?" Y/n continued, unable to suppress her laughter any longer.

Jungkook grinned sheepishly, "Yeah, it would've been impossible, huh?"

"Absolutely!" she replied, her laughter ringing in the rain-soaked air. "I mean, did you think we were training for an Olympic event or something?"

"I guess I got carried away with my 'manly urges,'" Jungkook admitted with a playful shrug.

Y/n shook her head in amusement, "Well, lesson learned, I hope. Next time, let's not turn our relationship into a K-drama plot."

"I promise," Jungkook said, his eyes sparkling with sincerity. "I won't let something so silly come between us again."

"Do you really expect me to take you back after all this?" she teased, enjoying the moment of lightheartedness.

Jungkook stepped closer, raindrops creating a misty barrier between them. "Yes, I do. Because I realized that I love you, Y/n. And not just for seven days a week, but every single day, no matter the weather."

Her heart fluttered at his words, and she couldn't help but be charmed by his determination and genuine remorse. "You're lucky I have a soft spot for silly boys like you," she said, her lips curling into a playful smile.

"Then does that mean you'll take me back?" Jungkook asked, hope evident in his eyes.

Y/n pretended to ponder for a moment, then stuck out her hand. "Well, since you're already soaked and looking like a lost puppy, I suppose you can walk me home."

Jungkook's face broke into a wide grin as he took her hand, interlocking their fingers. "Deal! And I promise no more crazy demands, just a whole lot of love and laughter."

As they walked side by side in the rain, laughter and joyous banter filling the air, Jungkook couldn't help himself but playfully sing, "I'll be loving you right, seven days a week. Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday."

"That would be a catchy song," Jungkook remarked, looking pleased with himself.

Y/n's eyes sparkled mischievously as she recalled her conversation with Jimin earlier. "You know," she said, "if you ever decide to make a music video for that song, I have a fun plot idea."

Jungkook raised an eyebrow, intrigued. "Oh, really? Do tell."

"Well," Y/n began, "imagine this – a guy who's obsessed with the idea of love seven days a week. He tries to make his partner happy with grand gestures, but it's all a bit much for her. She's tired and overwhelmed, just like I was. And the guy, played by you, keeps popping up everywhere she goes, just like you did in my crazy imaginings."

Jungkook laughed, "So, basically a music video version of our ridiculous situation?"

"Exactly!" Y/n grinned. "It would be comedic and lighthearted, showing that love can be wonderful and fun but also overwhelming if taken to the extreme."

"I love it," Jungkook said, nodding appreciatively. "And you know what? We could even do an explicit version of the song, where I say 'fucking' instead of 'loving,' just to make it a clear representation of what we just went through."

Y/n burst into laughter, covering her mouth in amusement. "Oh, Jungkook! Only you would come up with such an idea. It's genius and utterly ridiculous at the same time."

He winked at her, "That's what I do best."

Y/n looked at him, an amused glint in her eyes, and asked, "Were you there on Wednesday at the laundromat when it flooded?"

Jungkook looked confused, "What? No, I wasn't."

With a grin, Y/n confessed, "After we separated, I started seeing you in the most weird situations, like at the laundromat, and I thought I was losing my mind."

Jungkook burst into laughter, "Really? I would love to hear about all the places you found me!"

As they continued their walk in the rain, they couldn't help but be grateful for the silliness and laughter that had brought them back together. The idea of a music video, even if it was just in jest, gave them a sense of comfort and closure.

"I'm glad we can laugh about it now," Y/n said, looking at Jungkook fondly. "It shows how much we've grown together and how we can handle anything that comes our way."

Jungkook smiled warmly, pulling her closer as they walked back home.

#jeon jungguk #jeon jungkook #jungkook x reader #bts x reader #bts jungkook #jeon jungkook x reader #bangtan #jungkook smut #jeon jungkook smut #bts #bts fic #jungguk smut #jungguk x reader #jungkook x you #Jungkook #seven jungkook

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babybells123 · 12 days

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Game of Thrones S3 EP 7 - Jonsa hints; it's all in the subtext...

Alright so I've been rewatching GOT with my brother, who has never seen it before, and we just recently watched this episode and I noticed a few things upon that watch...

We skipped the episode intro, so I wasn't sure who wrote the episode, but as we know - the good episodes tend to be written by GRRM. You can tell by the dialogue quality, characterisation etc. Up until this point, I thought he'd only written 'The Pointy End' (1X08) 'Blackwater' (2X09), and 'The Lion and the Rose' (4X02). I wasn't aware he'd also written "The Bear and the Maiden Fair' (3X07) until just recently and guys!! The.Jonsa.Hints.

Okay so Jon is present in a couple of scenes: The wildlings open the episode as they are trekking on the south side of the Wall (the previous episode is when they climb the Wall). Jon and Ygritte talk of armies carrying banners and marching drums. There's Jon mentioning the Wildlings will light the biggest fire the North has ever seen to which Ygritte replies "You know nothing Jon Snow." He ponders over that (and we see how those words will later haunt him, even as he is dying *though he associates it with Sansa.*) So GRRM is once again cementing this phrase as significant to Jon. The audience already knows this though, so I'll move on from that.

Jon is then interrupted by Orell the skinchanger (who later claws his eye out). It happens a lot later in the show than it does in the books, and Orell is already dead at this point (killed in ACOK by Jon). But he's presented in this episode as a thorn in Jon's side *because he himself is infatuated with Ygritte.* So there's this idea of a Orell/Jon/Ygritte love triangle, and I'm sure we are aware of GRRM and his affiliation with love triangles and unrequited love by extension ! (If the original outline can be taken into account, and I think it can - since there is a certain love triangle involving Jon + a Stark girl + a vengeful Tyrion) and the show conveys a 'love triangle' between Jon + a red-headed girl blue eyed girl + a vengeful Orell which eventually culminates into a bloody fight b/n Jon and Orell but ahh I digress (and I really don't want/think there will be a love triangle like this in the books since I have no interest in them)...I'm probably reading too much into it anyway since I was planning on only talking about two major pick-ups from this episode. In any case, it is certainly eyebrow raising that GRRM decided to add onto this plot point in not one, but two scenes. (Or maybe it just makes for good TV I don't know.)

ORELL: "People work together when it suits them. They're loyal when it suits them. They love each other when it suits them. And they'll kill each other when it suits them. She knows it, you don't. Which is why you'll never hold onto her."

I though this was an interesting line that reminds me of Maester Aemon's lecture on love and duty. It certainly speaks to Jon's precarious position and his inner conflict regarding Ygritte VS his duty to the Night's Watch.

But Jon doesn't just receive a 'lecture' if you will on love and its dangers (which mirrors that "love is poison" monologue Via Cersei to Sansa). He also receives a lecture on sex.

So on its own, I'm sure this is just a scene added in for comedic reasons, but when you couple it with a scene that occurs *right* after - the parallel conversations jump right out to you.

Tormund gives Jon a sex-ed lesson essentially. And If I remember correctly, this isn't in the books? Though someone can fact check me on this.

TORMUND: "No grace, no skill. A few dozen thrusts and done. You need to be patient, give her time..."

And all the while Jon is listening fairly intently (and good on you Jonny-boy!).

The scene cuts away to Sansa and Margaery talking. Sansa vents to Margaery about being a "stupid little girl with stupid dreams who never learns," and Margaery consoles her. This scene doesn't actually happen in the books; as we know, Sansa learn she is to marry Tyrion on her wedding day and has to be forcefully dragged to the altar. The show is somewhat kinder to her, giving her about two episodes to mull it over. So GRRM certainly jumped on with this opportunity!

A little detail I love is that Margaery plucks a rose and gives it to Sansa:

So for the people who deny Sansa's inherent connection to flowers/roses (and believe me, people do) well uhh... GRRM seems to be very adamant about this detail being so significant it is added in.

It also reminds me of...

"If I could show her Winterfell . . . give her a flower from the glass gardens." (which would involve *plucking* per say) okay I'm running off on a tangent here but Sansa/flower imagery is my favourite genre.

What's most telling to me though, is that Margaery gives Sansa 'advice' for her future wedding to Tyrion. And not just general advice - intimate advice:

SANSA: "My son...with him. I'll have to...we'll have to...."

MARGAERY: "If it's the pain you're worried about.."

SANSA: "I'm not afraid of the pain. Not after what Joffrey's done to me."

.....

MARGAERY: "Some women like tall men. Some like short men. Some like hairy men, some like bald men. Gentle men, rough men, pretty men, pretty girls. Most women don't know what they like until they've tried it. And sadly so many of us get to try so little before we're old and grey. Tyrion may surprise you, from what I've heard he's quite experienced."

SANSA: "And that's a good thing?"

MARGAERY: "It can be. We're very complicated you know pleasing us takes practice."

What does this last line remind you of?

TORMUND: "You need to be patient, give her time..."

So, both Jon and Sansa receive some enlightening lessons about intimacy (and love by extension) from more knowledgeable mentor-like figures in back-to-back scenes? Something that doesn't even happen in the books and has been inserted by GRRM himself?? hmmmmm.

We know GRRM does not write his chapters chronologically, but that he does order them in the way he believes best tells the story. screenwriting is different though, and it certainly seems as if he was intent on highlighting a clear back-to-back parallel with Jon and Sansa in this episode.

Another scene I want to draw your attention to occurs towards the back half of the episode: It's another Jon and Ygritte scene, but the dialogue here reminds me A LOT of that willowy princess line from ADWD.

"A warrior princess, he decided, not some willowy creature who sits up in a tower, brushing her hair and waiting for some knight to rescue her." (ADWD Jon XI).

Better people than me have written analysis on that particular excerpt. For one, it's quite a long thought and evokes the very specific image of Sansa. There is also the notion of Jon "deciding" since his wants/desires are all very complicated due to his inadequacy issues and his social position. Essentially, he doesn't believe he deserves this very specific type of woman, so he's completely cancelling them out as a possibility because 'how could a bastard ever attain that?" - wishful thinking essentially. It makes a lot of sense for him to do this, especially when he has previously stated:

"He wanted to ride with Benjen Stark on his rangings, deep into the mysteries of the haunted forest, wanted to fight Mance Rayder's wildlings and ward the realm against the Others, but it was better not to speak of the things you wanted." (AGOT Jon III).

I mean, he feels immense guilt for even fantasising about a domestic life with a lady wife and children. We know through his actions and various quotes that Jon is fond of this type of woman/ attracted to gentler women (he dreams of Ygritte attending him with gentle hands, he's attracted to her smile and singing, but abhorred by her violent tendencies, he idealises his mother as highborn, kind and beautiful etc) and likes to play the protector for people like Sam and Satin. Jon is secretly a soft romantic, he just buries it deep deep inside so that it may never see light. He craves validation and love from this type of woman to the point where he becomes angry when someone insinuates his mother is a commoner. That repression of true desires is similar to how Ned represses Lyanna's secret in his own chapters.

But as Jon states: "I have always wanted it."

I just don't think we should be taking the willowy princess line at face value. If he can supposedly fall in love with dny, even though he has an aversion to the burning of people - how is Sansa so impossible??

Anyway: The scene with Ygritte in question:

What's immediately interesting about this scene is that it involves Ygritte marvelling at the sight of a windmill, and Jon talking about her seeing Winterfell. Which immediately reminded me of this from ASOS:

"In legend, Brandon the Builder had used giants to help raise Winterfell, but Jon did not want to confuse the issue. "Men can build a lot higher than this. In Oldtown there's a tower taller than the Wall."

He could tell she did not believe him. If I could show her Winterfell . . . give her a flower from the glass gardens, feast her in the Great Hall, and show her the stone kings on their thrones. We could bathe in the hot pools, and love beneath the heart tree while the old gods watched over us." (ASOS Jon V).

So this whole scene is clearly an adaption of the above excerpt. We aren't privy to Jon's thoughts in the show, but in the book it is quite literally spelled out for us, and we see how much of a romantic our boy is.

But WAIT. Hang on a minute... did Sansa not just receive a rose from a garden earlier in the episode?

"Give her a flower from the glass gardens..."

Something that does not happen in the books but was added in by GRRM?? And since this Ygritte scene is an adaptation of Jon's Winterfell fantasy.... excuse me whilst I scream into my pillow.

Moving on!

YGRITTE: "Or do you like girls that swoon Jon Snow?"

He doesn't answer her, but looks away smiling a little. He knows she is teasing him (but is there truth to her statement?)

YGRITTE: "Oh a spider! Save me Jon Snow!"

*falls into his arms.*

YGRITTE: "My dress is made from the purest silk from tralalalaleeday."

JON: "I'd like to see you in a silk dress."

YGRITTE: "Would you?"

JON: "So I could tear it off you."

I know this a teasing/flirty sort of scene, but I find it interesting that Jon actually never denies Ygritte. In fact, he says he wants to see her in a silk dress. They're all light and happy in this scene and Jon is clearly basking in this first romance of his though as soon as Ygritte turns the conversation to the approaching invasion he goes back to serious. They argue a little bit then have a passionately angry kiss. This whole exchange is clearly meant to convey the internal conflict Jon experiences with Ygritte. He enjoys the lightness of their romance, but as soon as he is reminded of the danger she brings to the Night's Watch, and his home - Winterfell he realises how grave of a situation this all is with the duty vs love dichotomy.

That consistent struggle is supported by this quote where Jon goes back and forth in his mind about Ygritte:

"Ygritte was much in his thoughts as well. He remembered the smell of her hair, the warmth of her body . . . and the look on her face as she slit the old man's throat. You were wrong to love her, a voice whispered. You were wrong to leave her, a different voice insisted. He wondered if his father had been torn the same way, when he'd left Jon's mother to return to Lady Catelyn. He was pledged to Lady Stark, and I am pledged to the Night's Watch." (ASOS Jon VI)

"How could he explain Ygritte to them? She's warm and smart and funny and she can kiss a man or slit his throat. "She's with Styr, but she's not . . . she's young, only a girl, in truth, wild, but she . . ." She killed an old man for building a fire. His tongue felt thick and clumsy." (ASOS Jon VI).

I certainly believe that is what GRRM was insinuating with that scene!

Has this all been talked about before? Well I'm not actually sure, since I was too young to watch the show when it was airing, and didn't properly join this fandom until recently last year - so if it's been a discussion point in the past, I'm unaware.

Anyway, this was a very disjointed post - but I felt very compelled to write about how GRRM chose to portray Jon and Sansa in this episode - it just screams intention.

#jonsa #jon x sansa #meta #jonsa meta #game of thrones #episode analysis

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anki-of-beleriand · 2 years

Text

A Heart Made Of Glass ch.1

Summary: Ten years ago you left Wanda and the Avengers to heal your broken heart. You never stopped being a hero, just as you never stopped being in love with her. But life had to go on.

Now, after all that time, she is back and with her is a young woman needing help and an enemy that may not be as afraid as Wanda to lay a claim on you.

Pairings: Wanda Maximoff x Powered!F!Reader - Scarlet Witch x PoweredF!Reader - Past Wanda Maximoff x Vision

Warnings: Angst, drama, mentions of cheating, fluff, violence, smut, Switch!Reader, internalize homophobia, hurt, comfort, Wanda being a complete mess, anger management issues, jealousy, Requited/Unrequited love, idiots in love, swearing, mentions of alcohol. More tags as the story progess.

Author's Note: This story is a continuation of Dirty Little Secret I was really surprised at the response I got for the story, I did all the tags you guys ask for but if I forgot someone please do not hesitate to tell me. Thank you for the support.

This is a story I have been working on alongside my other stories, what can I say? I've been having a lot of inspiration to write Wanda/Reader stories and I'm enjoying it greatly and I hope you guys are enjoying reading them. This story is going to be a long one too, and will have both Scarlet and Wanda as well as America as part of the cast.

Please, do remember English is no my mother tongue so forgive my grammar, spelling and funny mistakes.

Chapter 1 - Chapter 2 - Chapter 3 - Chapter 4 - Chapter 5 - Chapter 6 - Chapter 7 - Chapter 8 - Chapter 9 - Chapter 10 - Chapter 11 Chpter 12 - Chapter 13

Chapter 1

Norway

The road stretched out all the way to the mountain chain losing itself in a world of greys and whites. There was nothing much to see but a scenery born out of the cold temperatures and the wintry season. The heater inside the car made them forget about the cold outside, and the music playing through the speakers filled the silence they had shared ever since arriving to the airport.

The last couple of days had not been easy on either of them.

Both women had suffered loses that were almost impossible to forget, their paths had crossed by chance, and destiny had joined them by the working hand of Stephen Strange. He had planned this trip with care and cunning, he knew there was only one solution while they found out the source of witchcraft working around the multiverse to get her hands on America.

Strange had met the perfect candidate while trying to fight off Mordo once. If there was anyone ready to help America Chavez that was Wanda Maximoff and if there was someone that could really protected them and hide away their magical signature that had to be Y/N. There was no other way.

The mission then was protected America and the multiverse at all costs.

And Wanda had been chosen to carry on the torch at the moment.

Ten years.

Wanda had not seen Y/N for more than ten years, and now she was sent over to invade her personal space, unannounced and face a past she couldn’t forget. A past that had always had a tight grip on her heart.

In all honesty, she had seen you before. Just not in the right circumstances, and of course, without any single interaction. Wanda was pretty sure you didn’t even notice her there. It had been Steve’s funeral, and you had seemed so cozy with Carol Danvers and Natasha Romanoff that Wanda was pretty sure her own presence went unnoticed by everyone but Clint.

Wanda tightened her hold on the wheel, she had come all the way to Norway with a girl following her close behind to face a shadowy evil while also facing a past that was always haunting her some way or another. That day she had longed to approach you, to go to you and see you how life had treated you after everything that happened; but the memories and the many wounds in both of them prevent her to do such a foolish thing. Steve wouldn’t have liked that his funeral was became a spectacle of old resentments, and surfacing jealousies.

“Are we there yet?” America asked tiredly, her eyes drifting from the road to Wanda.

Wanda broke from her thoughts glancing around the road then giving America a pointed look. She was so tempted to give a sarcastic answer, but Wanda knew America was tired and rather moody after the long trip and the long days of no sleep and the trip through the multiverse. Besides, America didn’t have to pay for Wanda’s mistakes and stupid jealousy that had grown inside her after the funeral.

“Another hour.” Wanda answered tiredly. “We should be able to see the town soon.”

America sighed leaning back against the seat turning her attention to the gloomy world outside her window. Wanda couldn’t really blame the young woman sitting beside her, America had gotten to their world by accident chased by mythical creatures that wanted nothing more than to steal her abilities. At such a young age, America had known the bitterness of grief and treason leaving her alone in a multiverse that wasn’t always kind to her.

“Do you want to take a nap?” Wanda finally asked, she could feel the weight of the trip, and the last couple of days catching up to America.

The young woman tensed at the suggestion, memories of her waking up alone after having trusted that someone would stay with her still haunted her. America flinched when a hand settled on her shoulder, the gesture was supposed to be comforting but Wanda knew there were many wounds that had not been healed yet. Wanda offered a half smile when she read the fear behind America, she tried to offer reassurance but there was nothing much she could do to make America understand that she was not like the others. That they would not leave her behind. That they would never sacrifice her for the greater good.

“I won’t leave, America.” Wanda tried to reassure the young woman; America scoffed at her words but said nothing. “You should take a nap; you really look tired.”

America wished she could really trust the woman sitting in the driver’s seat. She wished a part of her still believed these lies disguised as reassurances, but the multiverse had showed her the portals were capricious and, on some occasions, she just fell into the wrong world. She had learnt the hard way that her abilities and even her age made her a target, a tool or a disposable ally. Even now in this new world, America was being a problem everyone needed to solve, she was just being tolerated and helped because the fate of the multiverse was at stake. Two tears rolled down her cheek, America look away not wanting to see pity in the other woman’s eyes, she clenched her jaw when the car pulled over, her lips quiver as she tried to hold onto her emotions.

If she didn’t think about it, then she didn’t feel it.

But it was too much, a couple of universes ago it had become too much.

Two strong arms wrapped tenderly around her, and America couldn’t help herself but let go until she was a child again crying in the comforting embrace of one of her mothers.

Wanda felt her own tears rolling down her cheeks, the thoughts coming from America had been so loud and so strong she couldn’t help but hear the desperation in the young woman. Wanda held America until she couldn’t cry any longer, her heart swelled painfully at the realization that America had been facing hell for a very long time all on her own. For a moment, Wanda was reminded of her own children, of the kids she had created out of the loneliness and desperation she had been feeling for quite some time. The children that had called her mom and Vision dad; even though they looked nothing like Vision. Even though, whenever she looked at them, she could see you and herself reflected in their eyes, in their appearance in their gestures and their behaviors. Tommy specially was the one that always made her think of you.

God, Wanda wished she could forget.

Wanda longed to forget and stopped feeling the way she did. She wished she could focus her attention on the problem they were facing at the moment, that this oncoming meeting was not making her anxious and scared of what could happen. Wanda lowered her gaze only to discover America had fallen asleep with tears still rolling down her cheeks.

Wanda made sure America was laying comfortably on the seat, the seat belt on and everything ready for them to continue with their trip. A hand went to put away some stray hairs from America’s face, Wanda cleaned up her face of the fresh tears that had fallen moment before and a wave of protectiveness overcame Wanda when she finally realized that America was just a teenager. Lost in within worlds, followed by an unknown danger and victim of her own powers.

Not for the first time, Wanda pointed at their similarities.

With a heavy sigh, and a storm taking over her mind Wanda went back to the driver’s seat. The music was still playing in the background, her eyes went for a moment to her phone that had been placed on the dashboard while projecting the map’s application. Wanda furrowed her brows when she realized there were several missed calls and some messages she hadn’t noticed until now, the name of Tony repeated itself several times, but the young woman merely ignored it while focusing her attention on the red dot on the screen.

Her heart hammered hard against her chest, her abdomen filled with a cold weight that made her sweat and worry her lower lip on her lips. She was getting closer to her destiny and that only meant she was getting closer to you. This time around there wasn’t a single chance for the both of you to avoid one another.

******

The city of Ulsteinvik was a small town facing the cold waters of the north, their houses were decorated to highlight the gloomy winters and celebrate the sunny summers. It was a mixture of colors and modernity that mixed with the industry of shipbuilding and fishing. Since it was a working day, the only people outside seemed to be the few tourists filling up the streets, and some other townspeople going around their normal life. Wanda couldn’t help but noticed this place was too quiet, too lonely and peaceful to be a place you might enjoy. But Wanda supposed your likes and dislikes might have changed…perhaps, this was what you were looking for right now…perhaps, this was the place where you finally found…

Wanda shook her head scaring those thoughts away. Thoughts she shouldn’t allow in her, that she wasn’t allowed to think because you and her had stopped being something a long time ago. The redhead turned to America, a gently hand pressed against the young woman’s shoulder and shook her lightly.

“America, we’re here.”

America stirred awake blinking away her sleepiness. She furrowed her brows glancing around the town before settling her eyes on Wanda

“I’m sorry, wasn’t supposed to fall asleep.” It was the first thing America could mumble, the memories of her tears and her breaking down in front of this unknown Wanda made her stirred uncomfortably. Wanda had never been the one America had been closest to on her last incursion to the multiverse, but this time around it seemed as if she didn’t have an option.

Though she had to admit, this Wanda was someone she was starting to like. In a motherly gesture, Wanda put another strand of hair behind her ear crunching up her nose while trying to offer the comfort of her presence without saying what she was really thinking. America offered a shaky smile, thankful with Wanda for not mentioning her tears or her own desperation.

“Don’t need to be sorry, I think you and I both are completely tired, but I won’t be able to rest until we have reached our destination.”

And even then, Wanda was not completely sure she would be able to rest. She was still apprehensive wondering how you would react to this unannounced visit. America furrowed her brows until she finally realized you two were in the city, not on their real destination.

“Where are we?” She finally straightened up fixing her hair and jacket while turning curious eyes around her.

“Ulsteinvik.” Wanda said without a single hint of hesitation. “I just thought we could eat something and ask for directions; the application is showing me an empty space and I’m not pretty sure if that’s the right location.”

America furrowed her brows when she realized Wanda’s tone had gotten a strange warmness in it, her green eyes were glancing at America with tenderness and something else. The young woman didn’t know what to think, she hated people feeling pity for her. She hated it even more when they thought they could empathize with her disgrace.

“Yeah, sure, I’m also hungry.”

America regretted her decision as soon as she left the protectiveness of the car. She never imagined this place would be as cold as it was. There was no snow, but it was obvious the winds of winter had already touched the land dropping the temperatures while threatening with the snowstorm. America put her arms around herself trying to warm a little, her lip started quivering and she was about to tell Wanda she would be back to the car when a heavy coat fell on your shoulders. The young woman lifted her stare and Wanda was glancing down at her with a reproachful stare.

“You really didn’t bring a jacket?”

America looked away rather embarrassed, she remembered she was offered the option but refused having found herself self-conscious of her lack of resources. The lack of money had never been an issue for her mainly because most of the things she got were either free or stolen; but in this world more like the previous one she didn’t have a chance to steal anything so she relied on what she was given.

“I didn’t know we were coming to a place like this one, and it wasn’t as if I have that many options on my wardrobe.” The answer came harsher than she intended she stepped aside from the witch, though she didn’t let go of the jacket that was offered.

Wanda let out a tired sigh knowing she had been messing up ever since meeting the young woman. Of course, America didn’t have more than the clothes she was wearing currently, she had arrived to their universe in the midst of a violent attack and survive by miracle said attack.

“I forgot about it, sorry.” Wanda apologized then as an afterthought. “Either way, you could have said something.”

“What was I supposed to say? Hey, I need clothes because these ones smell and are bloodied, and I don’t have anything else?” America made a face feeling foolish.

“For starters,” Wanda replied pressing her lips together rolling her eyes.

“Well, I was busy with other things, Wanda.” America finally snapped looking away from the witch. “Anyway, in this reality you have to pay for things, and I don’t have any money.”

The last part was said with a mumble, a light flush adorning those young features. Wanda pressed her lips together, this was not the first time she heard that comment, and a part of Wanda told her America was just lying. If she was always alone, jumping from one place to the other, it was possible she never had the right means to get what she needed.

“You can keep the jacket.” Wanda hesitated for a moment before speaking again. “When we had settled down we will come back and buy you some more clothes and anything else you may need.”

“You don’t have to do it. I can get a way to get my stuff.” America replied rather fast, there was an edge on her tone and her eyes hardened at the suggestion.

From her part, Wanda could do nothing more than softened at the sight. Finally understanding was starting to reach her mind.

“I know I don’t have to.” Wanda said firmly. “I want to, America, and you better prepare yourself because we’re coming once everything is ready. Now let’s go buy something to eat and ask for directions.”

The store was almost empty.

There was a single old lady sitting by the cash register while there was a young woman doing some daily purchases. Wanda watched with amusement as America went through the different snacks carefully selecting the ones she wanted to try out. For a moment, Wanda couldn’t help herself but remember Tommy and Billy whenever Wanda offered some new snacks to them. Wanda’s heart clenched at the memory; and she had to remember herself that everything had been fake. Everything she had created out of her own powers, nothing of that was real. Not Westview, no Vision…No Tommy and Billy. The loneliness and desperation told her not a single person in the world would ever understand how real it had been for her. How much she missed her boys.

“It’s that all?” Wanda asked teasingly, the woman at the cash register smiled gently as America blush lightly nodding and grumbling.

“You said to pick something for the both of us.” America finally said lifting her chin, Wanda snorted not remembering the young woman asking exactly if she wanted any of the things she had selected.

Soon the young woman that had been doing the daily purchases stood behind them with her cart, Wanda then put her phone out selecting the map and getting the money ready.

“Very well then, how much for all of this?” The old lady registered all the products and by the time Wanda was about to pay she leaned in with her phone ready. “I was meant to ask you, we’re here visiting, and I was wondering if you know how I can get to the Lighthouse?”

Wanda fixed the screen on her phone showing the spot where she was supposed to go to but that in reality was not showing on the map. If anything, it was as if the place was in the middle of the sea.

“I think this is supposed to be the place, but the application shows like an empty space…”

The old woman nodded understanding Wanda’s explanation, but her eyes drifted to the young woman waiting in line.

“Are you looking for someone in particular?” The other woman finally dared to speak up, her voice was heavy with a strange accent, but Wanda could perfectly understand the coldness behind the question.

“I’m looking for an old friend,” Wanda replied with her heart aching at the thought that at least the two of you were that. Friends. “Y/N? do you know her?”

The young woman finally took the time to give Wanda a complete checkup, something in those clear eyes gleamed in recognition and Wanda wondered for a moment if this woman recognized her as one of the Avengers.

“I’m Vera.” The young woman introduced herself presenting her hand to Wanda and a nice smile to America. This sudden changed seemed rather suspicious and Wanda had to wonder for a moment if perhaps she was one of your friends?

Not that Wanda cared much.

You could have as many friends as you wished.

“I thought you looked familiar,” Vera said breaking into a relief smile, Wanda raised an eyebrow at this. So, she really was a friend. “I think I recognized you but of course in the picture you look so much younger.”

Vera then opened her eyes shaking her head sheepishly, “not that you’re old, it’s just that in that picture you two were like teens or something. I think it was like Halloween though Y/N seems to hate that picture, even though she looked adorable in that suit she wore, and you were looking so pretty with the princess...”

The next words were lost to Wanda completely, the revelation that you had one of your pictures with Wanda was just too much, but that you had that picture and were showing it around while telling everyone you hated it…well, ouch.

“I’m sorry, I’m babbling, it’s just that…what a coincidence, are you visiting or…”

“Look I wish we could tell you about our plans, but we come from the States and we’re tired and hungry and just want to know if you know where the Lighthouse is.” America finally interrupted the babbling woman that had not taken noticed of the distress expression crossing Wanda’s eyes or the way she seemed to tense up with each word.

Vera felt her cheeks burn, and her eyebrows knitted together at the abruptness of America’s interruption. Wanda held back her smile, because really, she was not fancy hearing more about how much Y/N hated that picture and how Vera and you seemed to be in such good terms.

“Right, sorry I just…”

“No, please we are sorry,” Wanda intervened with a sweet tone. “It’s just the trip was long and the drive all the way from the airport to here was equally long.”

Vera nodded in understanding leaning in towards the phone pointing at the same location Wanda could not make any sense of.

“That’s the right location, actually.” Vera explained. “This was a former World War II bunker for the Soviet Army and many of those facilities are still there so applications won’t show them for security reasons. It’s not occupied at the moment, but you know…paranoia in our governments and what with all the enhance superheroes…”

Wanda tensed at the comment but said nothing else.

“So, just go straight ahead and there would be land and the house?”

“Yes, actually go straight ahead, no turns.” Vera said leaning back. “It’s the only house at the end of the line.”

******

It wasn’t until the city was left behind that America finally dared to make the question Wanda was dreading.

“So, you and Y/N, big story there, eh?” America made the comment with a roll of her eyes, she knew the story. At least the one she had witness back in another world.

“It was nothing.” Wanda replied rather fast, her eyes glazing over.

America wondered, not for the very first time, how many things had changed in this universe. How many more were just as messed up as the woman sitting beside her. Wanda heard the thought, scowling deeply at the questions growing in America’s head.

“It really is nothing.” Wanda insisted gripping the wheel tight.

“I get it. It’s an adult thing, a story behind a real story. I wouldn’t understand.” America snorted rolling her eyes. “This is the “you-know-who” of your life, got it. But you should have seen your face when she mentioned that picture…”

America could only chuckle with amusement when Wanda shot her a heated glare, for a moment America entertained the idea of merely no pushing the matter any longer. But she was curious, and she wanted to know why Wanda and Y/N hadn’t worked in this universe so she kept her eyes on Wanda until the woman could not ignore America any longer.

Wanda rolled her eyes shaking her head, she remembered that day so vividly.

“It was a stupid picture we took on a Halloween, we had escaped the compound that day to enjoy a wild night in New York. We ended up in a Frat house in a party Y/N got us invited to.”

Yes, Wanda remembered that day as if it had been yesterday. She dreamt of that day from time to time, you had made friends with a group of frat guys that allowed the both of you to go to a Halloween party, you had spent the night making sure Wanda enjoyed the perks of an American Halloween and after the alcohol and the dancing the both of you ended up in a room on the second floor. It had been your very first night together. Wanda’s first time. And it had been…special.

It was a night that haunted Wanda from time to time, and hearing a stranger said you hated the picture…well…

America furrowed her brows at the lame explanation, there was more story, but she wouldn’t press matters for now. The young woman had realized that there was a single constant in this world and that was regret and broken hearts, everyone seemed to have given up happiness for the greater good, as if they couldn’t have happiness and save the world at the same time.

The conversation died there, and Wanda and America continued the drive deep in thought. The meeting with you was coming closer and closer and both of them were equally nervous if for different reasons.

The redhead couldn’t stop the influx of memories that one mention of the Halloween picture brought to her. It was kind of unsettling how those images went right through her mind, it wasn’t only that night but the many nights in which Wanda was yours, the many moments in which the both of you shared smiles and conversations. Those secret dates, and the secret outings, the secret kisses, the secret nights of passion.

The secret itself.

The shadows that ended up consuming what the both of you felt for one another.

Wanda observed as the distance separating her from you shortened all of a sudden, after so many years of you never even once showing in her life, she was finally coming over to you. There was a tingling on her abdomen, a strange void on her chest while her hands started sweating. Wanda was really a mess at the moment, and this meeting was creating a whole myriad of emotions she thought forgotten. Her heart fluttered with longing at the memory of Y/N, her smile, her stubbornness, and her voice. The way she usually took everything in stride, thinking of all the possible outcomes while becoming stronger so she could protect the team. So, she could protect Wanda.

“I know you’re powerful, Little Witch, but my powers give me an advantage it doesn’t give everyone else. I can be shadows itself, and I can protect all of you. You in particular if needed it. I would never let anything bad happened to you.”

America stirred on her seat, her eyebrows coming together in a gesture of remembrance.

“I was in a world made of ice once.” Wanda glanced at America for a moment, hearing carefully as she narrated one of her adventures. “It was inhabited, cold and so lonely. I thought that was the last place I would ever be, and then…I was able to open a different portal and I realized that world was necessary to understand the next one.”

America didn’t say anything else, but it was obvious these two trips had affected her greatly. Wanda pressed her lips together; she imagined being capable of traveling the multiverse could bring many possibilities both good and bad. How many times had America be in danger of dying in a place that was not meant for her?

“Have you ever thought of staying in one place?” Wanda ventured with curiosity; America stiffened her eyes going wide for a moment.

“I never have a reason to.” She said and Wanda knew, for what she could glimpse on her mind, that America was lying.

The young woman straightened up leaning in, her lips breaking into a relief smile, there in the distance she could make out the form of a house and a lighthouse. Wanda clenched her jaw closed, her heart beating fast and her body feeling heavy with anticipation.

“We’re finally here.” Wanda let her eyes wandered to the shadowy figure of a lonely home in the middle of nowhere.

What came before her eyes was something Wanda could imagine you living in.

It was a house in the middle of nowhere surrounded by mountains and a current of water leading to the sea. The house was big, fancy and modern with all the things you had spoken of once, the chimney and the great windows were there as well as the greenhouse. The lighthouse right behind it was a surprised, but in general what Wanda was seeing was something she had been familiar with at some point. This only made her heart ached with longing and regret.

The place itself was surreal, and Wanda found herself smiling at how all of it fit what she had always known about you. Perhaps there was still hope that you haven’t changed that much, and Wanda still knew a thing or two about you.

“I can believe she lives here.” America said looking in awed the place. She was really impressed by what she was seeing, she returned her attention to Wanda only to notice right now the woman was looking like a statute. “Are you nervous? Why are you so nervous? Was she an ex or something?”

When Wanda blushed at the comment America knew she had won one round. In this world the both of you did have something, but it was over. America mused over this, was it over? Wanda’s reaction told the young woman that was not the case but whatever had happened was enough to create this tension she was feeling at the moment.

“So, it is an ex, eh?” America leaned in then returned her eyes to Wanda. “This is going to be awkward, right?”

“You have no idea.” Wanda mumbled finally able to park the car right on the front door. “They must know we’re already here.”

“How do you know?” America tried to see if there was someone on the window, crunching up her nose. Wanda kept her eyes to the door wriggling her fingers nervously.

“There were cameras along the road when we approached her terrain.” Wanda tilted her head, “I think they also have movement sensors at the gates we just crossed.”

America pursed her lips thinking about these details, her face fell when she realized this was something she should have noticed before. Her latest adventures taught her she shouldn’t trust easily and to always be ready for anything. Her life was at stake and these strangers were doing everything to keep her safe. She should be more alert, ready to be of help and not a dead weight for anyone.

“Stop berating yourself, America.” Wanda placed a hand on America’s shoulder, the young woman huffed looking away. “This kind of reflex take time, and it wasn’t until recently that your life was at any real danger and as long as you’re here it would be our duty to help you and protect you.”

For some reason, this only made America felt worse. She was once more a task, a mission they need to comply with. Once more she was being a problem everyone needed to fix.

The hand on her forearm squeezed tenderly, America lifted her stare to see soft green eyes looking at her. Always sad, always lonely, Wanda turned her attention to the door then back to America.

“Everything is going to be fine, and I am protecting you America, because I want to, because you need that protection, and I won’t leave you alone. Okay?” America swallowed down her response nodding curtly. Wanda offered a tender smile before she let out a heavy sight.

“Look, Y/N and I, we…”

“Have a rough break up?” America asked making a face. “Yeah, I could tell by the teen angsty music you put the whole trip.”

Wanda leaned back furrowing her brows, “my music was not angsty…”

America lifted a single eyebrow in disbelief, though there was some amusement in her eyes. Wanda gave the door one last glance before returning her attention to America.

“What I really wanted to say was that I haven’t talked to her in over ten years.” Wanda lowered her gaze, hating the cold pain that went right through her very soul at this. “The last time we talked…This meeting could go wrong on so many levels I just want you to be ready; mainly because she doesn’t know we’re here.”

Wanda winced observing the angered stare coming from America. The young woman felt like a problem, all over again, because they were about to request help to someone that apparently had a grudge against Wanda, and she hadn’t called before coming and perturbed her personal space.

“You told Strange she said yes.” America said in disbelief, Wanda closed her eyes before letting her shoulders drop in defeat.

“I know, I lied.” Wanda said softly. “But if she had known it was me the one coming, I’m pretty sure she would have said no.”

“How can you be so sure?” America exclaimed. “We’re here uninvited. And by the amount of pinning and depression coming from you I’m guessing not only this wasn’t a good breakup, but it was something to do with you and not her.”

Once more, America found herself facing strong emotions overwhelming her at the worst time. She was so tired of being a dead weight for everyone, wherever she went she was a problem and her actions as well as her presence usually ended with someone getting hurt. The last time the people she had started loving like a family, the world she thought she could stay in had gotten into a difficult situation because of her.

Soon America found herself wrapped in a comforting hug, Wanda put her close and her voice was just above a whisper.

“Everything it’s going to be okay, America.” Wanda clenched her eyes closed, her heart shrank at the memory of Tommy and Billy. Would they know what to do? Would they have Wanda nearby to protect them?

The young woman in her arms was trembling like a leaf, and Wanda didn’t dare to look into her mind since this kind of pain seemed more personal, not so hothead. Wanda was reminded of Stephen’s words just before they left.

“She is no more than a teenager, alone and lost, hiding behind the attitude.”

America had been doing this for far too long, she was forgetting how it was to have someone who cared for her, who could help carried the weight she usually seemed to be carrying.

“I’m just a problem adults need to fix,” she mumbled dropping her shoulders. “Sometimes, their solution is to dispose of me.”

“I’m not going to dispose of you, America.” Wanda leant back wiping away the tears from America’s cheeks.

“We will reach a resolution for this, and then if you want, you can stop running, America.” Wanda tried to offer a smile, to really show the confidence she wasn’t feeling at the moment.

America tensed when the offer was made, it was the second time she heard the same offer coming from the same woman. Different universes. Wanda offered another comforting smile turning towards the door neither of them had approached.

“Look, I know my relationship with Y/N ended horrible. But she is a hero at heart, and she will help. She always does.”

America could tell Wanda was not convince but right now it was obvious they didn’t have more options.

Gee, is there anyone in this world that doesn’t have any trouble with one another? At this rate you guys are going to come face to face with someone like Galactus or Khan and this universe is going to be ashes. Was all America could think off before shrugging and nodding.

“Well then, I guess we better stop stalling this meeting, if they really see us coming they must be waiting.”

Once more America put on a false façade of bravery, she dried her tears knowing that at the moment she also needed to be strong. Whatever was chasing her, would not stop anytime soon and the help they had been looking for might be right behind the door. With a resolution Wanda had become familiar with, America stood up the door before knocking three times.

Wanda held back her smile, she could imagine your face while opening the door and facing the teenager with Wanda right behind her. The attitude and the bravado was something you and Wanda could recognize quite easily…just like Wanda recognized the attitude behind Tommy and the wit behind Billy. The young witch smiled fondly at the memory, her eyes welling up when the emptiness in her heart and life came rushing in; she was supposed to go back to them, to meet with her boys…If only…the thought of the Darkhold poked at her mind, the screams she had heard while trying to reach peace, learning about herself and her powers…

Wanda clenched her jaw, there would be time for that. Her eyes fell on the form of America that was looking around the place before going to the door. Right now, her priority was America.

Wanda sighed stepping forward, it was time to face her past.

"There's no one home." America stepped back frowning at the lack of activity inside the place.

Wanda grabbed the knob, her eyes gleaming red before a click was heard and the door was open.

"Look at that, no locks." Wanda replied with a half-smile that America returned.

"You know in all universes that's called break in?" But even as she said this America went right into the house feeling the change of temperature.

The hall was neatly decorated with a table pressed against the wall, there was an empty bowl for the keys and a small mirror on the wall. Wanda closed the door behind her worrying her lip with her eyes glancing around the place.

It was empty.

The stood by the door for a moment, the walls were decorated with pictures and some paintings. Wanda watched as America went right in glancing around the pictures, furrowing her brows while trying to catch any sound coming from deeper inside the house.

There was nothing, and Wanda proceeded to follow the young woman. She had taken four steps further into the hall when the click of a gun broke the deep silence in the house, and Wanda felt the pressure of a gun against her head.

"You shouldn't be here, Wanda." The voice was familiar, husky and filled with amusement that Wanda had always found irritating. “Break in a private property is a felony in every country of our world.”

America turned around taking a fighting stance, her eyes went wide open when she noticed the other woman holding the gun. Wanda turned around slowly, her eyes gleaming red when she found herself facing Natasha Romanoff; Natasha smirked when she noticed the tension around those eyes, the anger written in the young woman’s features. She was even more amused at seeing the jealousy there.

“Natasha, why am not surprised that you’re here.” There was a bitter tinge in her tone, and she hated it because she wasn’t supposed to care, you had always told her Natasha was just like a mentor to you. Nothing else.

Natasha tilted her head, her eyes tuned cold and calculating evaluating the situation in front of her. Her green eyes went from America to Wanda, her eyebrows knitted together trying to find an explanation of the situation at hand.

How was it possible for Wanda to find your home? Why was she here? God, why did you have to leave your mobile that day precisely, there was no way Natasha could give you a heads up if you and Yelena never took your phones with you.

“You have a lot of nerve coming here and present yourself unannounced, Wanda.” Natasha couldn’t hide the annoyance in her tone, and her eyes were a clear indicator of his real mood.

The gun was still pointing directly into Wanda’s head, and while the young witch knew Natasha would never pull the trigger it didn’t make her feel better knowing Natasha Romanoff was in your house. As if she had been living there her whole life.

“I am surprised to see you here, Natasha.” Wanda’s voice had an angered edge Natasha was not familiar with, the young woman shook her head taking a deep breath. “We were wondering where you have gone to after the funeral. I guess it was only fitting, right?”

Natasha cocked her head, her lips curling slightly just as she lowered her gun.

“I’ve been leaving here for more than five years now, so yes…fitting.” Natasha put her gun away walking past Wanda, her eyes went once more to America then straight ahead. “Please, take your shoes off if you’re coming deeper into the house, we don’t want the floor to get dirty.”

Wanda scowled at this, and her glare went directly to America who was already taking her shoes off. The young woman shrugged nodding towards Natasha.

“I’m not about to disobey her.” She all but whispered, Wanda rolled her eyes following America’s example.

“Funny you said that, Y/N says the same thing about me every time.” Natasha chuckled making sure her tone of voice held a trace of innuendo while winking at Wanda.

It was almost impossible for Natasha to miss the flash of anger crossing those green eyes, but as soon as it was there it was replaced by a deep sadness. Wanda could pretend all she wanted in front of Vision and the others, but she had never been able of tricking Natasha. The Black Widow had always known, she had always seen it…and that was the reason why she made everything difficult for Wanda.

Because she was a coward.

Natasha went to the living room turning on the lights, she turned around, settling her eyes on Wanda and America.

"Want something to drink?"

America shook herself awake, "yes, thank you."

Natasha pursed her lips going to the kitchen moving around the place with a familiarity that made Wanda hurt. A bittersweet taste of realization hit Wanda making her dizzy, Natasha probably had been living there for quite some time with you. All this time Wanda had suspected Natasha knew your whereabouts, but the Black Widow had always denied it whenever Steve or anybody else would question her. Of course, Natasha knew, of all the people you trusted…

Wanda put her arms around herself, hating this surge of emotions she wasn’t allowed to experience.

"She is not here, by the way." Natasha explained coming over with a glass of orange juice she offered America and a glass of whisky she offered Wanda. “She is out, so you better start talking before she comes back, I’m know she won’t be please knowing you’re here.”

The young witch took the glass with a frown, America looked around the living room admiring the expensive setting and the paintings on the wall. She had never been here; she was still unsure as to why the hostility and how you would receive the both of them; though her own fan girl was getting overly excited to meet the Black Widow. Damn, she was beautiful.

When America returned her attention to Wanda she realized the redhead was completely stiffened, her eyes hard as steel glaring at Natasha who was torn between her own amusement and a calculating stance.

The tension could be cut with a knife.

"Where is she? I need to talk to her." Wanda finally asked, Natasha lifted a single eyebrow and her eyes narrowed dangerously.

"You can’t come here demanding anything at all, Wanda. I thought you knew this. You lost that right a long time ago." Natasha said calmly, eerily calm. "She is not as patient as I am and believe me when I tell you she is not going to be happy to see you here. So, what are you doing here?"

America took another sip from the glass on her hand, she furrowed her brows not understanding why the violence. As far as she knew, Natasha Romanoff was the best friend of Wanda. Of course, one version of Wanda… sometimes America wondered if perhaps it was better to just lose herself in one of the universes that had no humans or let whoever was after her get to her.

Every time she got to a new place it wasn't only to learn things, but also to meet people that did not always end up being good. She wondered just what happened to this universe, to this version of Wanda and Natasha to be so openly hostile to one another.

Wanda looked away before letting out a heavy breath. Her green eyes flashing dangerously at Natasha before she just took control of herself.

"Something happened, and I need her help." Wanda finally said knowing full well her words were not going to be welcomed.

"You have some nerve, Wanda." Natasha leaned back against the closest armchair; she emptied the glass of liquor in her hand before massaging her neck.

"Look, I know I don't have any right…" Wanda trailed off glancing back at the entrance door, the sound of a car pulling on the street calling her attention.

"She is not going to be happy, Wanda. I hope you're not waiting for her to say yes just because you asked."

Wanda clenched her jaw, tears pricking at her eyes. She couldn't help the wave of regret washing over her, the anxious beating of her heart. Her eyes flickered nervously to the door waiting for you to come in.

______________________________________________________________

“Dude, she was about ready to pounce on you.” Yelena drawled, her lips curling slightly while wriggling her eyebrows at you. “And I know you’re not that indifferent to her advances.”

You couldn’t help the roll of your eyes at her comment, your lips twitched slightly while you tried to shake your head. The both of you had been discussing the same topic ever since you left the school, Yelena had insisted early in the day to come with you and see you in action only to have her following you around and pairing you with every single woman that came across you during school hours.

It was a game Yelena liked to play, something the both of you did to pass the time but that at the end of the day was something she used to get your mind out of your misery. The misery that usually came around this time of the year.

"For someone that is not that interested in sex, you surely seemed interest in my sex life." You snorted when Yelena laughed cocking her head to glance at you.

"I may not find it interesting in me, doesn't mean I don't find it interesting in you."

You made a face blinking a couple of times before snickering.

"You're such a perv, try to say that slowly and think about what you're saying!"

Yelena opened her eyes before making a face, she slapped your arm laughing at you.

"You're the perv! What I mean is that I find it amusing to see you go through all of that!" Yelena tried to clarify rolling her eyes.

"You mean the sex?" Now you were confused, Yelena rolled her eyes though it was quite evident she was enjoying the absurdity of your banter.

"No, you idiot!" Yelena exclaimed exasperated. "I enjoyed seeing you squirm and trying to get away from all the attention when it is evident you need some!"

"Again, too much sex interest for someone like you."

"Again, it is not about me but you."

The conversation died for a moment, it was the wrong thing to say and Yelena realized it far too late. You shrugged offering a tiny smile to the blond woman.

"I really need to get laid?" That question broke the tension, Yelena laughed and soon you joined in.

Your house was coming into view, your eyes fell upon the single figure of an unknown car. You and Yelena leaned forward, both your postures changing for a moment.

"You do. You haven't done anything since that space chick left."

"Carol." You chimed in glancing at Yelena who was sitting straight in her seat, her eyes also on the car.

"Right, Carol." She teased whispering the name in a single enamoured whisper, you rolled your eyes while Yelena merely snickered. "That was disgusting, the amount of touching and kissing…I have to use my earphones all week."

Yelena made gagging noises while you rolled your eyes at her teasing. You knew for a fact Yelena had liked Carol and they got along pretty well which was strange because Yelena didn't like anyone.

"So, I take it we were not waiting for anyone today, right?" You finally inquired nodding to the parked car.

"Nope." Yelena popped her lips shaking her head, her hand grabbing the gun under the seat.

"Well, I don't think it's that bad, Nat would be out by now." You commented dryly, "unless, of course she is happy trashing the inside of my home?"

"Occupational hazard, Y/N, you should know that by now."

You made a noise at the back of your throat parking right behind the strange car.

"Really, that excuse would get old really soon, Lena." You shook your head turning to Yelena. “Last time, I have to take Tony’s scowling while he helped me fix everything, this time around I’m dragging both of you to do so if it happens again.”

“Last time it was Bucky’s fault.”

“Last time it was you, Natasha, Bucky and Carol.” You replied rather exasperate, “I can believe I have to come back to that disaster, and I left you guys only for two days.”

“In my defence, you never told us they were your friends.”

You snorted closing the door of the car while approaching the unknown one. Perhaps Yelena was right, you didn’t say anything and that was the reason why it ended up in a fight, you looked inside the car but there was nothing there that might reveal who the owner was. You turned to your house then back to Yelena, the young woman had her hand tightly attached to her weapon though nothing else in her posture had changed.

"You know? Now that we talk about it, I like Carol." Yelena mentioned out of the blue trying to go back to the real conversation you two had started back in the car, the young woman had a contemplative stare on her face. "But this Milf you found at school…it has its perks if you want children."

"I'm so no taking you with me next time, Lena…"

"What? I'm just saying Carol is good for a nice roll in the sack but this Mrs.IWantyoutifuckme is good for a happily ever after."

Yelena’s words resounded in the hall, you opened the door wide open your lips curled into a smile that froze in place the moment your eyes fell upon the single figure you hoped you would never have to see ever again.

Wanda Maximoff stood in all her glory right at the end of the hall, her long strawberry hair fell in waves behind her back and while there were bags under her eyes and tiredness was quite evident in her green eyes, she was looking as magnificent as the day you met her.

The young witch felt her heart skipped a beat, she made an attempt to go to you when all of a sudden the smile dropped from your face and your features change into disbelief and anger. A well-known anger you reserved only for her. Wanda hesitated, and you hated the way your voice waver and softened when you said her name.

"Wanda."

______________________________________________________________

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saucymalum · 2 years

Text

Mountain Out Of A Molehill - replaced!mc au

Obey Me brothers x reader (relationships not really defined)

Word Count: 3,200

Summary: When the boys start pulling away and refuse to tell you why it only makes sense to pull away too. But when you decide to leave the Devildom will they be too late to apologize and explain?

Warning: Hella angst (happy ending bc I can't handle the sad endings), misunderstanding/miscommunication, replaced!au, my goal was that the mc wasn't a push over....idk if I succeeded

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It hadn't been long since the new exchange student had come in. Only a couple of months. A couple of months of a slow decline of your relationships with the brothers. They slowly started leaving your texts on read, only to be found an hour later in a cafe or bookstore with the new student. Mammon would ask them for help distracting Lucifer. Satan would ask for their help pranking Lucifer. Asmo would ask them for their opinion on his outfit. The ache in your chest was so strong and so heavy. At some point, it was just impossible to deny it. You had been replaced.

It was honestly a stab to your pride looking at the fondness that poured from Lucifer's eyes when looking at them. Ironic isn't it? The avatar of pride destroying yours.

You understood, really, it's nothing new to say that when you meet someone new it's exciting. The truth is you could hardly fault them. The new student was a fast friend for you too. So you stayed back, you continued to bring Lucifer coffee in the middle of the night and pet Belphies head as he slept. But then the days got later.

6 months had passed since the new student arrived. 6 months of subtly being pushed away until you just felt numb. You'd wake up before Lucifer and leave for school before the brothers had left their rooms. You'd make it home before the brothers and if you ever wanted to leave after that? Well, you'd just have to come to terms with the fact that they weren't hounding you about where you going much anymore. On the rare occasions where one or two brothers would join it was obvious things weren’t the same. The distance was easy to see.

It's not like they were mean, far from it actually. Simply indifference sat behind their eyes. But nothing further. Levi would ask them to be player 2. Beel would share food with them. Not you. No fights over you, no conversations. You sat silently at the dinner table. No one noticed. It was like you were only roommates. That’s what hurt the most.

You were plagued with thoughts. Haunted with the question of how the new student was so much better, because if the brothers didn’t hate you then that was the only reason. You were no longer special.

And then the anger surfaced, a wrath that could rival Satan. You wanted to rip the door off its hinges and scream. Desperate for someone to blame. You blamed yourself, you blamed the new human student, you blamed Barbatos for never telling you the utter heartbreak you'd go through just a year after you'd met him. But ultimately you blamed the brothers, each and every one of them.

You gave everything you had to them, heart, soul, mind, life. And not long later you’re regarded as expired food. No. You’re worse. Beel would still eat expired food.

It took months to love them and it took months for them to trust you. A "Lowly, weak, insignificant human" they'd call you. Death is always around the corner. And just a couple of months go by for them to fall at the new student's feet.

It got to be too much, you'd drift between Purgatory Hall and the Demon Lord's Castle. Every week, anything to not have to look at them. Simeon tried, he really did, to give you some semblance of the relationships you lost. Luke was ready to fight 7 of the most powerful demons in the Devildom.

And thats when you decided to leave. You missed the sun rising and setting, you missed the seasons. You missed them. And two of those you could get back. If you just left the others behind. You talk to Diavolo and Barbatos and then you came up with a plan, leave Purgatory Hall, go to the Hall of Lamentation after the brothers have left, gather your things, and wait for dinner. It was a long waiting game, your heart bursting out of your chest at any unusual sound.

Everything was packed in suitcases when you walked back down the halls, staring at the crack on the ceiling from that one time Lucifer didnt tie Mammon up right and he fell. You longed to be able to go into Lucifer's room one last time but it was long before you left when he replaced the curse not allowing you in. You walked into Lucifer's office and you just sat, breathing in the lingering scent of ancient books and stale black coffee. You looked all around longing to go back to 8 months ago, but you just wanted to go home. Hours after you packed up you found yourself back in your now empty and lifeless room. You sat in the middle of the naked bed in your bedroom, tears streaming down your cheeks.

Heart tearing into shreds, every scar that had appeared was ripping open. Salty tears overflowing your palms and dripping down your wrists. You stared at your suitcase, sat nicely in the corner waiting to roll out of the place you called home for almost 2 years. You didnt know how long you sat there or when the brothers got home, you had long dried of tears when the knocks came rapping on the old wooden bedroom door. You quickly walk into your bathroom hoping whoever it was wouldn't care enough to search further.

"Y/N? Lucifer wants to know when youre starting dinner!"

Of course he'd send them. Too busy to ask you his damn self. Not even bothering to ask why you're home again.

They call your name one more time before turning the knob and walking in. One more strained call of your name leaves their mouth before running footsteps sound down the hall.

They call out to Lucifer saying you left. It's cute, they almost sound panicked.

In hindsight, you probably could have used that panic of the new student as a distraction but you were exhausted. All the tears taking the energy and pulling on your eyelids. You take a moment to try to hide in the bathroom.

You could hear everything, all 7 brothers and the new students' footsteps rushing into your old bedroom.

"Where'd Y/N’s things go?" Mammon asked.

A slap sound echoed against the walls and a yelp. "Obviously, they put them in the suitcase dumbass!" Levi yells.

Still, after everything the cruel names at Mammon make you want to resort to violence.

"Wait so Y/Ns leaving!?" Asmo almost shrieks.

"Why?" Satan asks

The bathroom doorknob jiggles and a part of you wants to lock it with a charm but then they'll know youre in here.

Hesitant footsteps walk in and your heart sinks.

A shakey voice calls out, "Y/N I know you’re in here please come out so we all can talk." Lucifer says.

Lucifer, avatar of pride, shaking at the thought of you leaving? No, impossible, can't be.

But maybe? His breath gets just barely shakier and you step out of hiding. Tear streaks and raw cheeks are on display. You put on a brave face but it was obvious you were hurting.

“What?” You ask, trying to seem unbothered by the intrusion but you just sounded defensive.

“What? Seriously? Do you have nothing to say to us Y/N?”

You carefully walk around the group and clutch onto your suitcase handle, “Why should I give any of you an explanation when none of you have had a real conversation with me for months? Why should I owe any of you anything?”

"What are ya talkin' bout, Human?" Mammon asks.

You look up into his eyes and you can tell he's not happy about this decision. But they could have stopped this. It's not like you were asking them to only care about you. Or to ignore their lives. You just wanted them to see you.

You wanted Luci to check on you at night when you're studying and bring you a snack. You wanted to have a baking night with Beel where he'd eat all the batter before it even made it to the oven. You wanted Satan to read you to sleep. Or for Mammon to sit on your bed whining that studying sucks and that he shouldn't have to because of his new money-making scheme.

It's not a lot to ask for Asmo to do your makeup and have a weekly spa day like you used to. Or for Belphie to still take comfort in you and sleep on your lap during movie nights. And Levi never needs a player two these days. You wanted them to love you again.

So you’re just left, not even cast out. Just invisible. But now that they see you…you’re mad.

It took you to almost leave and now they're upset. Almost begging for an answer.

"What am I talking about? None of you have had a genuine conversation with me in months. You all want to be around the new student but did any of you realize that I was being pushed away? Did any of you realize that you stopped caring where I went every night? I tried to talk to you about it but I just got talked over. And at one point, I just gave up. I'm not an exchange student anymore. I came back and I can leave. So I will."

You clench your fist around the suitcase handle so hard I might just break it.

Lucifer steps closer to you and the others stood behind him, “You can’t just leave, Y/N. You’re the human ambassador, you have a job here.”

You scoff, “Is that all you care about? How this will look on your reputation, no, on Diavolo's reputation? I should’ve expected that.”

Lucifer's eyes widen and for a second he looks…scared? But his face quickly goes blank.

“I’ve already made arrangements with Barbatos and Diavolo for me to leave so if you think that argument with somehow persuade me you're wrong. Now, if you’ll excuse me I have to go.”

“No, you can’t!”

Your head snaps back and you see Levi pushing passed Lucifer, “You can’t leave!”

You scan his face, trying your hardest to look indifferent but you can feel it slipping. “Why?”

“We didn’t mean do! We thought you didn’t want us smothering you so we backed off. I’m so so sorry.”

There the last of your indifference goes. “What are you talking about?”

"This is my fault." All the brothers turn to face the door and reveal the exchange student. None look nearly surprised enough by this confession.

They twiddled their thumbs and look to the floor. Even though they look so small, them trying to see innocent boiled your blood just a bit.

“What do you mean?” You ask.

"Remember when we had that conversation during our studying session? How you were saying it was getting annoying to have to be guarded all the time and not have alone time?"

You tentatively nod waiting for them to continue. Satan picks at his cuticles and Beel looks oddly nervous.

"Well I told them that, and at the time I didn't know you didn't mean it. Not totally at least and then…" they trail off.

"So we gave you more privacy…and freedom," Belphie says something for the first time

You step back to look at all of them, " So you're telling me that one one-off comment I made amongst all the times I said how much I loved all of you and how you didn't need to change…made you treat me like a ghost?"

"It hurt, I think that's why we never listened…we were hurt," Beel says.

"We were all hurt." your eyes look up into Asmo’s champagne eyes," And we should've asked, especially after all you've done and all we've been through. We're so so sorry." He wraps his arms around you but you remain stiff, unsure what to think.

Asmo releases you and you see Lucifer looking at you again, “We are sorry.”

You never thought you'd see the day Lucifer actually apologized for something.

"But-what about Lucifer's door? I used to be able to get in but it won't let me in. And Levi, you never ask me to play anymore. Beel, you share your food with them, you never do that. Satan you've been asking them for help pranking Lucifer. It doesn't make sense."

Lucifer steps closer to you and you look into his beautiful crimson eyes, they soften when they meet yours. "Mammon," his eyes shift to the demon and glares, "found out that if he brings an item that means enough to you it unlocks my door."

"Like those voice unlock diaries?" You ask without remembering you’re talking to a bunch of demons. They all look at you in confusion.

"I guess I forgot to inform you, love. I've been trying to find another spell that would work but nothing does unless you want to prick a finger every time you want to enter."

You look to the others, hoping they'll explain your other questions.

"Lucifer wouldn't suspect them, besides you said you didn't want to be involved if itd affect your relationship…and they would," Satan said.

"They've been helping me beat the level we got stuck on. You gave up but I didn't. I'd like to play it with you but it got boring." Levi grumbles.

You look to Beel, "You said I had to get better at sharing. Im trying." He whispers and…you did say that, didn't you?

“But what about Belphie usually you sleep in my room or on me. You haven’t been? Or Mammon, you’re always distant when you would go out with me, you never hang out with me anymore. And Asmo, you never invite me over for makeovers or spa days like you used to.”

Belphie looks into your eyes sadly, “You haven’t been home for a couple of months, I sleep here a lot.”

“More like every night,” Levi grumbles.

“Mammon?”

“If ya didn’t want to be smothered I thought you wouldn’t want me around since I’m ya know…always around.”

Asmo wraps his arms around you out of nowhere, startling you a bit but you can’t help but melt into the affection “I didn’t want to ignore you! You’re my beautiful Y/N! But they said you probably wouldn’t wanna do our spa days anymore.”

You slowly step away, all the new information sinking in and your bones chill a bit. “You all took one comment and used it to isolate me so far to the point my heart is broken and I almost left my home. This was a misunderstanding and I know that but you all should have known better. This will not be easy to fix.”

“We’ll do whatever it takes to make it up to you Y/N. “ Satan says and they all, including the exchange student, nod.

You bite your lip nervously and scan all of their eyes. "You should've asked." You hesitate for a second, “But I’ll stay if you won’t do that shit again.”

A chorus of ‘We promise's fill the room and you can feel parts of your heart pull together but it will be a while before it’s whole again.

"Does this mean I don't have ta avoid Y/N anymore?" Mammon asks.

Involuntarily your lips curl up, "No Mammon, you don't."

He lets out a groan and pulls you into his arms, "Finally! I missed ya."

He goes ridged and pulls back, quickly backtracking his words, " I-I mean not like MISSED ya just like I dont like when I can't do my job and I couldn't-"

"Mammon?" You cut him off.

"Yeah?"

"I missed you too." And pull him back into the hug before he could say more.

“Hey! We missed Y/N too!” Asmo whines and pulls me into his arms, inevitably bringing Mammon with me.

All the brothers, including the ever-composed Lucifer, join in for the hug, and for the first time in months there's laughter in the House of Lamentation.

_______

Mammon, Belphie, and Levi have fallen asleep on your bed, Beel was left sitting asleep on the floor after a TV marathon. Lucifer had reluctantly gone back to his office and Satan had gone back to his room with Asmo getting his beauty sleep in his room. You had called Barbatos earlier to tell him you were no longer leaving.

You sigh as the credits roll once again and look to your bed from the desk chair your sat on. Despite the pleas from the brothers you didn't really wanna be suffocated in a cuddle pile. With no room left on your bed, you turn off the TV and head to the living room.

Opening the doors you see the other exchange student sitting on one of the couches hunched over and clutching a mug.

Taking in a deep breath you wondered if you were mad at them or just mad at what happened. As you look at them you come to the realization it's both. They didn't have the right to speak for you and pretend for months that they were innocent every day you saw each other at school. When you would tell them the brothers were avoiding you, how much it hurt. It may have started innocently but they took advantage of it.

With determination in your steps, you approach them and their eyes look up at you. A heavy breath leaves their lips and they almost look pitiful from the guilt in their eyes.

"Y/N… I didn't want to interrupt but I'm so sorry."

You sit in an armchair next to the couch and level with them, "You're sorry?"

They nod and you scan their face for a second, "What exactly are you sorry for?" You ask.

"I'm sorry for telling them, I know it wasn't my place."

"So you aren't sorry for pretending it wasn't your fault that they were avoiding me? You aren't sorry for telling Asmo I didn't want spa days anymore? Or taking advantage of the time they didn't spend with me?"

They look at you shocked and frozen. They flounder for a while but you don't give them time to find an excuse.

"I don't really care why you did it. If you ever try to separate me from them again they won't take it lightly anymore and neither will I. It would benefit you to remember that they are seven of the most powerful demons and I am not just a human. We aren't friends and I do not value your company anymore. You betrayed my trust and used me. Don't do it again, this is a special opportunity so don't waste it."

You rise from your chair leaving them behind, scared and guilty. You forget about sleeping on the couch, not wanting to be around them after all your anger surfaced the more you spoke.

As you got back to your room to see four of the boys in your room you decide that a cuddle pile sounds like exactly what you need after these past six months.

Climbing in bed Mammon wraps his arm around your waist, holding himself to your back and you grab Levi's hand. If you make any more contact you worry he may implode. You sigh and relax into the affection you so desperately missed and you can feel more of your heart piece back together.

And if in the morning you see the new student eating breakfast alone and Lucifer smirking you don't question why.

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borom1r · 16 days

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WAILING @theshakespearetrash sent me 2 ask memes for Boromir asks (who is very much Not my OC skfhshfjjs but I will Always do character analysis I love character analysis so much. rotating him so fast in my brain. microwaving him on high)

+ not to be a kinnie on main (voice of a man who is always a kinnie on main) but I will be answering these all w/ a sort of Boromir-lives scenario in mind -w-

anyways ask meme 1 + ask meme 2

1. What memory would your OC rather just forget?

ok I feel like it’s the cop-out answer to say “his fall to the ring” but I feel like Boromir is the sort of person to.. not like stew on things but very much takes the stance of “good or bad, all my choices got me to the current moment and made me who I am.” + I feel like there’s so much tangled up in his fall completely beyond his control where that’s the only memory that he’d like. actively want to erase from his mind

2. What's something about your OC that people wouldn't expect just from looking at them?

HM. good with kids. I think unless you’d seen him with Faramir/his cousins when they were younger you wouldn’t guess (he’s a soldier and a very plain man when he’s not putting on a show for his father), but he’s just genuinely great with kids

3. What is your OC's fatal flaw? Are they aware of this flaw?

loves too much + quick to lose hope. painfully aware of this

4. When scared, does your OC fight, flee, freeze or fawn?

fight response. 100% the kind of man who gets kicked out of a haunted house for punching a scareactor even though he knew a scare was coming. Faramir and Aragorn have both almost gotten throttled bc they unintentionally snuck up on him

5. How far is your OC willing to go to get what they want?

OOO. When He Is Of Sound Mind, not actually very far. he was raised with the knowledge he would be giving his life to Gondor, whether he died in battle or sat on the throne as steward. add to that the act he puts on for Denethor, everything he does to protect Faramir— he’s a man born to serve. his own wants come last

6. How easily could your OC be convinced to do something that goes against their moral compass?

it would take. a DESPERATELY long time and an almost complete degradation of his mental state. Boromir arrives in Rivendell in October 3018, and the very next day is the Council, at which point he sees the ring and is IMMEDIATELY influenced by it. yet he doesn’t fully fall to it until the end of February 3019. he’d been fighting its pull for almost four whole months by the time he does anything malicious. resisting the One Ring for FOUR MONTHS. <- reasons why if I see someone call Boromir weak for falling to it I will see red.

7. What's one way your OC has changed since you first came up with them?

teehee obviously again Boromir is not my OC so I will take this as an excuse to Be A Kinnie + say, I do remember Boromir being returned to us sometime after my coronation. so that’s one way my memories differ from canon, which is sort of an answer to this prompt snfjsjfj

8. Would your OC ostensibly be able to get away with murder?

OH YEAH. I mean yeah if we’re talking like actual criminal murder and not just Slaying People On A Battlefield like. yeah 100% he would IF he was within Minas Tirith. you know Denethor would do everything in his power to cover that up lmfao

9. Do you have a specific lyric or quote which you associate with your OC?

YEAH YAYYYY I GET TO MAKE MORE PPL LISTEN TO CROM AND BARONESS!!!!

anyways “have you ever seen a man so strong have you ever seen a man so great when he fights time stands still and everything seems so unreal but deep inside of him this man is torn” what if I bit things about this song

+ also listening to Magnolia and Shock Me by Baroness with Aragorn/Boromir in mind makes me ill. im Unwell.

10. What's an AU that would be interesting to explore with your OC?

HMMMMM The Frankenstein Chronicles gave me brain worms so I might write a Frankenstein-inspired thing at some point. sth sth consequences of divine resurrection

11. What is your OC's weapon of choice? Have they ever actually used it?

RAAAAGH. AUTISM TIMEEEEE.

Boromir uses a hand-and-a-half arming sword (meaning it’s balanced for single or double-handed use, with a crossguard). it’s a really elegant sword, very simple and utilitarian. speaks to an adaptable combat style as well. but, interestingly? Boromir carries a Rohirric shield, and if you notice Rohirric swords don’t actually HAVE crossguards the way Gondorian blades do. this tracks, and was common with Roman and early Germanic swords— BECAUSE these cultures were Also relying on shields for blocking.

and an additional note, Faramir’s sword is single-handed. so we’ve got a ranger who prefers the use of a bow and hasn’t experimented much with his sword combat, and his brother who prefers a sword and carries a very versatile blade with 1) a Rohirric shield and 2) a ranger’s vambraces designed to protect his arms from a (nonexistent) bowstring. I just find Boromir’s mix of protective gear so interesting, esp if you consider he and Théodred as at LEAST friends. like Boromir carries so much of the people he cares for with him into strange lands even when he (arguably) has little need for such gear

12. Is your OC self-destructive? In what ways?

yes and no. I think, not consciously? but he absolutely values himself lower than the people he cares for. he goes to Rivendell to keep Faramir out of danger, he takes multiple arrows to the chest and keeps fighting to defend Merry and Pippin. I think if there’s a risk of someone he loves getting hurt, all self-preservation goes out the window

13. If you met your OC, would the two of you get along?

oh I would be staring at him like a predatory animal and trying to psychically convince him to lay on me in full armor

14. How does your OC want to be seen by other characters?

HGH. ok I don’t think he necessarily. does?? and this is generally a Silly Little Headcanon bc of a comment a Most Beloved Friend made abt how everyone gets their autism from their dad (real+true) + now in my head “haha Faramir got his autism from Boromir instead” BUT. like genuinely I don’t think Boromir has an actual image of himself in his head or like processes that ppl perceive him, necessarily. and particularly when his father is holding him up as this aspirational figurehead for Gondor, like… I think he’s just himself, in his head. idk how to describe it well for the neurotypical ppl in the room snfskfjs sorry. like I don’t process myself as having Traits so ppl tell me they think I’m cool or funny or they enjoy being around me and it’s always like “!!! oh!” + I think Boromir is the same way. I think Faramir could describe Boromir to him + Boromir would just be like. “huh.”

15. Does your OC have a faceclaim? If so, who?

it’s Sean Bean + it will always be Sean Bean. sorry other Boromirs you simply pale in comparison

16. What is your OC's pain tolerance like?

VERY high by necessity. he’s a soldier he’s absolutely patched up his own injuries before, at least to hold over until he could see an actual healer

17. What is the worst thing you have put your OC through story-wise?

ahh. I wrote a very personal fic exploring self harm urges w/ Boromir, so I suppose that

18. Is your OC more cold and detached or up close and personal?

very personable, when he’s of sound mind sndnsj

19. How does your OC behave when enraged?

oh he’s a silent anger type for sure. just seethes quietly. hello, consequences of spending time in an environment where you have no actual outlet for your anger + must simply sit there and Stew.

20. Does your OC have a tendency to get jealous? If so, how does this manifest?

again, When He’s Of Sound Mind, no. the man’s got a big heart and life’s too short to be petty

21. Does your OC have any illnesses or disorders? How do they handle it?

hitting him with the autism beam bc I can. I do also think he’s lost at least partial use of his arm in a Boromir Lives scenario, considering where the first arrow struck him

22. What character alignment would you consider your OC to be?

HMMM neutral good. he’s not chaotic enough to be.. chaotic (lol), and I think he’s too willing to go against Gondorian Popular Opinion to be lawful.

23. What emotion is the hardest for your OC to process? How about express?

HMMMMM pain, actually. or “weakness.” I think if he can quantify it in his head as “showing weakness” then it’s getting stuffed in a mental box and Not Addressed

24. What is an alternative life path your OC might have gone down? How different would their life be if they'd made those decisions?

ok well. None. I think with his circumstances he had zero choice in his path. HOWEVER. I am deeply DEEPLY fond of Boromir learning how to play an instrument after the war ends. I STILL struggle to blow my wassail horn that shit takes SKILL that I do not currently have and Boromir was the BEST at blowing his horn?????? I think he deserves to learn how to play an instrument, esp bc Aragorn, Merry and Pippin would ALL be delighted to have Boromir play while they sing. Boromir learning hobbit folk songs????? Rohirric songs, to honor Théodred?? yeagh.

25. What is your favorite thing about your OC?

HES SO. FUNDAMENTALLY LOVING. love is such a core aspect of his character he is so wholly loving that the ring has NO CHOICE but to try to twist that love. bc it’s all Boromir has. love. im going to throw up abt him.

AAAAAAAAAND:

alone: How does your OC deal with loneliness? Have they ever been completely alone before? How do they act when there's no one around to see them?

has he ever BEEN completely alone? mm, no. has he ever felt that isolated? I think absolutely, by the time the fellowship leaves Caras Galadhon. obviously he doesn’t deal with it well el oh el.

as for how he acts when no one’s around to see him… I don’t think much changes, tbh. he’s not the kind of man to Perform for anyone except his father, and then with the express purpose of placating the man and keeping his ire towards Faramir to a minimum

betrayal: Has your OC ever been betrayed by someone they thought they could trust? Has your OC ever betrayed someone who trusted them?

been betrayed? hm. truthfully, no, though I’m certain he felt betrayed by Aragorn’s reluctance to be anything resembling a king.

has He betrayed someone? Technically Yes, though again, if we apply the qualifier of “When He’s Of Sound Mind” the answer is no. his betrayal comes under the influence of a Malicious Magical Artifact Which Has Been Fucking With His Mind For Months, so.

bound: Has your OC ever been imprisoned or captured? What happened? How did they get out? Did the experience leave any scars?

ooo, hm. I think not, actually, though it is a fun little idea for angst

break: What would cause your OC to break down completely? What do they look like when that happens? Has anyone ever seen them at their lowest?

gestures wildly at canon. I mean that’s his lowest. we’ve all seen it.

desire: What's one thing your OC wants more than anything in the world? Are they open with that desire? Why or why not? What would they do to fulfill it?

again, canon— to see his people safe. he’s very open with that desire, lol

failure: What's your OC's greatest failure? Have they been able to move past it? Does anyone else know about it?

AH. canon again. though what he does to move past it… mm. quite a lot of atonement, I think. perhaps of the self-destructive, working-himself-too-hard variety. I do think speaking with Faramir about *his* experience with the ring would help, because Boromir is the first to hold Faramir up as this sort of paragon of Goodness. so I think to know *Faramir* was tempted would help him better ground his experiences as, like…. Not A Deep Moral Failure Exclusive To Himself

fear: What is your OC's greatest fear? What do they do when confronted with it? Are they open with their fear, or do they hide it away?

ehehe. this is one thing I’ve touched on in a Faramir-centric fic, but the idea that the ring showed Boromir visions of Faramir dying at Denethor’s hand should he fail to return with the ring.

had Boromir lived to discover Denethor had nearly burned Faramir alive…… Mmmm. mmmmmmmm.

future: What's the worst possible future for your OC? Are they taking steps to avoid that outcome? Are they even aware it's a possibility?

worst possible? if he’d actually managed to claim the ring. I shan’t elaborate -_-

ghost: Who or what haunts your OC? What happened? How do they live with their ghosts?

MM. his own actions. dead friends, dead loved ones. though if you mean literally, haunts him, I do like to think that Théodred’s Oðr pays Boromir a visit every now and again

guilt: What is your OC guilty about? How do they handle their guilt? Do they try to avoid guilt, or do they accept it?

see above. handles it?? mm. atonement, again. direct action. he accepts it and does what he can to make it right

hate: What does your OC hate? Why? How do they act towards the object of their hatred?

HATE? Orcs, probably. Sauron. that tentacle motherfucker outside Moria. he’s not a hateful man, so. shrugs.

heartbreak: Have they ever had a relationship that ended badly? Experienced some other kind of heartbreak? What happened?

that ended badly in the interpersonal sense? mm, unlikely. more ended badly in the “somebody fucking died” sense.

I do think he had One (1) fledgling romance in Dol Amroth that ended with the other squire dying and that was sort of the catalyst for “ah. If I love people they’ll Probably Die, so maybe I won’t do that” baggage that he didn’t really unpack until, I think, Théodred. add the additional layers of Denethor Being Denethor and Boromir having such great standards to live up to…. with all the love in my heart, that relationship only happened bc Théodred saw Boromir, went “I need to fuck that Gondorian so bad it makes me look stupid” and proceeded to work his way through 1700 layers of gondorian mental bullshit just so he could suck some dick (me too bestie)

hide: What does your OC hide? Why do they hide it?

hm. my first instinct is to say “not much” but ultimately I think he’d hide anything he can quantify as “weakness.” his own distress, any physical pain if he needs to be up and moving, etc. he’s only able to share that earnest moment with Aragorn in Caras Galadhon bc of Galadriel’s influence. he’s not used to being seen. so, if there is sth that would hold him back from fulfilling his duty as a soldier it is absolutely getting hidden/ignored.

hunt: Who or what is your OC hunted by? A person, a feeling, a past mistake? Is your OC able to let their guard down, or are they constantly alert?

hm. not necessarily Hunted, but I do think he is followed by Denethor’s expectations. it’s sth I’ve talked abt in another ask + that I go into in the costuming doc but such a key element of Denethor’s design is his son’s motifs but Richer, Grander. so… I do think Boromir is constantly alert of, like, how his father will perceive him, bc there is this very insidious sort of competition, this need for Denethor to show his sons up (whether a conscious need or not). and I do think that would weigh on Boromir quite heavily

mask: Does your OC wear a mask, literally or figuratively? What goes on beneath it? Is there anyone in their life who gets to see who they are under the mask?

mm again I think he only really wears a mask/performs for Denethor. anyone else would be too much effort for too little reward. at least if he plays Golden Son for his father, it keeps Faramir from being harassed as much

however, as for who gets to see him when he’s.. not just unmasked but actually RELAXED… Faramir, his uncle and cousins, Théodred, Aragorn, the others in the fellowship but particularly Merry and Pippin

midnight: What keeps your OC up at night? Do they have nightmares? Fears? Anxieties? What do they do in the small hours of the morning when they should be sleeping?

does he have nightmares? oh definitely. what he does in the small hours of the night? depends. if he’s on campaign/traveling/otherwise away from Minas Tirith he will either lay there in his bedroll and Think (bad) or get up and write letters. depends entirely on where he’s stationed/who he’s with. if he Is at home in Minas Tirith, I expect he just goes for a walk + looks at the sky

mistake: What's the worst mistake your OC ever made? What led to them making it? Have they been able to fix it? How have they moved on?

I think I’ve pretty much answered all of this above, so skfjsjdh

monster: Is your OC monstrous in any way? Is there something that makes them monstrous? Are they aware of their own monstrosity? Do they accept it or reject it?

nah, he’s not ❤️‍🩹

nightmare: What does your OC have nightmares about? How do they deal with their nightmares? Do they tell people, or keep it to themself?

answered w midnight for the most part— I’ll just add that no, he wouldn’t really talk about his nightmares. that requires showing vulnerability lol. I think Théodred and Aragorn are the only two who could coax him into speaking about his nightmares/fears (he wouldn’t want to burden Faramir with such nonsense)

pain: What's the worst pain your OC has ever felt? Do they have a high pain tolerance?

answered sorta (yes he has a high pain tolerance) but worst pain? gonna go with three orc arrows to the chest

secret: What's one secret your OC never wants anyone to know about them?

HMMMM again I don’t think there are many secrets. I do think if Denethor found out he liked men it would be disastrous

skin: How comfortable is your OC in their skin? Do they grapple with anything that lives inside them—a beast, a curse, a failure, a monster? How do they face the smallest, weakest, most horrible version of themself? Are they able to acknowledge it at all?

hm. I think he’s generally at ease with himself, or at least content with Not Thinking About These Things. I think, had he directly survived the arrows, he would have to grapple with like. the idea that he did prove Aragorn’s fears about men correct (whether Aragorn would agree with him or not)

torture: Has your OC ever been tortured? Would your OC ever torture someone else?

Four Months Of Slow Mental Degradation Due To An Accursed Magical Artifact!!!!! 🎉🎉🎉

(no he wouldn’t torture anyone else)

wound: How does your OC handle being wounded? Are their wounds mostly physical? Mental? Emotional? What's the worst wound your OC has ever experienced?

hm. He would say mostly physical wounds. I’d argue a mix of both. he’ll accept as much care as he needs to stay on his feet and fighting. worst wound is definitely still arrows lol

#THANK UUUUUUUU THIS WAS SO FUN #I love character analysis sooooooooooo much snfjsjfjhd

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