#he's like me but different enough for it to be interesting ykwim | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

caffernnn · 7 months

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how would you assign style 5 into the 5-man party/band trope?

OOH a fun challenge 😌 the shifting dynamics between the five make it a lil hard to anchor them into the available tropes without inevitable overlap/gaps, BUT it’s interesting to think about it like we did back when we were discussing the RoTG AU: what is at their center, or at the very least, an intriguing lens to interpret their center through?

Although there’s the instinct to try and put Haru in the hero/leader position with Rin as the lancer and foil (that’s a comparison/thread that canon likes to revolve around, which is still fun!), I think it’d be neat to think about the lineup from a slightly different perspective:

The leader/hero: Rei

The lancer: Haru

The brains: Makoto

The brawn: Rin

The heart: Nagisa

Ok hold on HOLD ON let me explain!! Think about how we can view season one (as a launching point) if we take up Haru’s suggestion/wish to not be the main character, and move the lens we’re looking through juuust slightly to shine the light more on Rei’s story. Even though he’s new to the group, newly establishing himself as a swimmer and friend in the existing (corroded, faded) Iwatobi dynamic, his addition is the real catalyst for the story — they can’t move forward until they find a fourth in Rin’s absence/distance, and all of the magic we see unfold happens because of Rei’s spark, his perspective, his journey, all that he is. It doesn’t matter if he’s not the one consciously calling the shots for them all; watching him learn and stumble and get back up and trust and love is what gets everyone else to reflect and react. The ✨main character rei✨ agenda is still alive and kicking in my heart 😮‍💨

SPEAKING OF HEART, let’s talk about that one next!! The “heart” (from what I understand) serves not only as the peacemaker and glue that binds the group together, but a complement to the hero/leader as well. Now, I know that every freakin essay I’ve written about Makoto positions him perfectly as the heart of the group (#the makoto files my beloved). HOWEVER, if we’re shifting this whole band around to have Rei at the helm, the person who stands right next to him and keeps him balanced is the guy who got him into this whole mess. Really, if Rei is the guiding light, then Nagisa is the one who went looking for a match in the first place. At the center of all of his antics is this desire to keep them all bound together, united or reunited as friends and trusted teammates. He’s essential joy — comic relief and chaos are the ways he checks in on and takes care of people, especially in a dynamic that where the guys might be a little hesitant about admitting to their attachments out loud (at first).

Again, although Makoto and Nagisa could be interchangeable in their roles here (heart/brains), I think we could do something fun with slotting Makoto and Rin into the “brains and brawn” duo roles, respectively. Makoto is soft contemplation and careful steps where Rin is hotheaded intensity and dynamic force. As a duo, they bleed into each other — we’ve seen how Makoto can have moments led by passion and power, just as we’ve seen Rin hesitate or rethink his position (and, interestingly enough, the reasons for these shifts can often be linked back to strong push-pull moments involving the other). I think there’s value in acknowledging both their roles as a shared duo and as individuals within the group (as in like, for example, how Makoto’s thinking might change trajectory when with Rei individually versus a situation with all three of them in a room, ykwim? Anywayyy).

Now, the lancer as Haru!! This one!! This is fun because he’s both the ideal and the anomaly for Rei, right? Haru becomes this incomprehensible figure in his line of sight that gradually shifts to be a trusted teammate competing by his side. He’s not a total opposite, but there are distinctions between them, and casting Rei and Haru into the hero/lancer dynamic helps to highlight some of those character differences. Haru is strong in his skillset, but teaching someone else when it felt so natural for him? Getting back into the mind of a impassioned novice with his eyes on a beautiful future, when the only realm Haru dwells in these days to protect himself is the immediate present? That’s a disconnect and distinction that affects how they both individually navigate growing throughout the story. Like, Rei as a character is oriented to what it means to learn and grow in a way that opposes Haru’s habits of staying grounded and honing in on what he already knows and is comfortable with. Yeah, there’s a shared sense of rigidity in rules and routines for both of them (autism boys my beloveds), BUT it manifests and leads them down different paths, and really kinda secures why it’s interesting to frame Rei as the hero here over Haru. Rei’s reliance on theory comes from a love of experimenting and growing and learning, like the truths and beliefs he holds are built on (if not his own work, then what he presumes to be) a long line of trials and errors and rewrites to hone in on an emerging ideal. Haru’s reliance on routine is rooted in preservation and comfort, whether from his own strong immediate/persisting desires or the expectations of others he comes to hold as important to maintain and heavy (like,,, we know Haru talks big game about swimming free and for himself but also has a sense of justice that leads him down all of these instances of performing for other people). That being said, even if Haru isn’t the hero in this proposed dynamic, his position at Rei’s other side (when Nagisa isn’t trying to grip both of Rei’s hands and run into the wilderness or smth) is essential: he gives Rei a way to grow and fight and learn because of his existing swimming prowess. He’s a quiet muse to gleam inspiration from (a puzzle to be solved) and a ticket into the competitive world (pulling weight during relays while Rei builds and builds). And uhh that’s COOL MAN IDK!!!

I think the part I’m struggling to put into words here at the end is just how much these perceived roles can shift around with just a little nudge and reveal even more fascinating details within the story. There are similarities between characters like Rin and Rei (push forward) versus Makoto and Haru (pull back) that make you wonder about those duos in isolation. There’s the idea of changing around even one pair’s positions (like switching Makoto and Nagisa, or even Haru and Rin) that 1) draws attention to those pair’s similarities, and 2) bring into question how that changing position might shift their perceived impact on others in the group. The style five is a interweaving rainbow of colors that overlays and combines to create an infinite number of hues, and we could talk about variations of their dynamics honestly all night. Don’t even get me started on bringing their individual colors into this conversation, because that’s a whole other onslaught of potential meanings—

#you’ve always got me over here Thinking Thoughts and I love it <3 #free! headcanons #meta #(kinda)#free! iwatobi swim club #(sure we’ll throw it in there too)#my thoughts kept branching in every which direction with this one but hopefully some of the ideas came across #but idk!! this configuration seemed like a good one to start with at least!!#would love to hear if you had any ideas with it too~#thanks for asking!#shounenlord_sama

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littleblueartblog123 · 10 months

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🪼 INTRO POST FOR MY ART BLOG 🪼

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Basic info:

Hi!! My name is Leo, but you can also call me Spam, Blue, or Turtle! :]

I'm a lesbian and cupioaroace

I go by basically any pronouns except he or she unless you put enough gender euphoria into it if ykwim

I'M A MINOR!! DON'T SEND ME LEWD STUFF!! PLEASE!! I DON'T REALLY WANNA SEE IT!!

I probably have some sort of undiagnosed neurodivergency, so please be patient with me; I find some things difficult to understand

I mainly do digital art but I sometimes do traditional with markers

⭐🪼⭐🪼⭐🪼⭐🪼⭐🪼⭐🪼⭐🪼⭐🪼⭐

Fandoms (in order of how much they're currently rotting my brain; subject to change):

The Amazing Digital Circus

Five Nights at Freddy's

My Little Pony

Deltarune

Undertale

Spiderverse

Ride the Cyclone

Inside Job

Death note

Saiki K

The Owl House

⭐🪼⭐🪼⭐🪼⭐🪼⭐🪼⭐🪼⭐🪼⭐🪼⭐

Boundaries:

You can send requests, I actually really like them. No OC or NSFW requests though, I prefer for them to pertain to my interests. Also, I can refuse a request for any reason, even if it fits these rules.

PLEASE DON'T REPOST MY ART. There are three places that I post art, not including this account:

My main Tumblr account, @littleblueturtle123,

My TikTok account, @maybesfullofrabies, (yes, the linked Tumblr account is also me, but I don't post art there and it's my shitpost account)

And, finally, my Pinterest account, @punnyb0ne135.

If my art is posted on other accounts, or on different websites, please inform me, as that is not me.

Basic DNI: Proshitters, Nazis, truscum/transmeds, terfs, racists, homophobes, transphobes, Israel supporters, etc. (basically the same as the main account)

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Tagging system:

All art is tagged with:

#art

#my art

Any posts of me just talking will be tagged with:

#leo talks

Specific fandoms are also tagged with these tags:

#tadc and #the amazing digital circus

#fnaf and #five nights at freddy's

#mlp and #my little pony

#dr and #deltarune

#ut and #undertale

#atsv and #spiderverse

#rtc and #ride the cyclone

#Inside job

#dn and #death note

#saiki k and #saiki no psi nan

#toh and #the owl house

Specific characters are either tagged as

#(fandom name)

#(name fandom)

Or simply just

#(name)

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OK BYE I LOVE YALL ❤️

#leo talks #intro post

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blockgamepirate · 4 years

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I'm honestly so glad that Techno and Tommy aren't acknowledging the SBI family stuff on Dream SMP.

I swear I tried to make it work for myself, I really did, but I genuinely think the story works so much better if they aren't related. On several levels.

For one thing, half of the major characters being literally just one nuclear family makes it feel less like this grand societal narrative of wars and political intrigue and more like a neighbourhood row. Which admittedly it kinda is but ykwim. It's supposed to be a grand narrative, that's how it's being presented. (The fact that it's also a comedy doesn't change that ftr. You can combine comedy with anything if you do it well enough.)

Secondly, it undercuts the characterisations. Wilbur and Tommy are more like mentor and protégé and I feel like it actually means more if Wilbur picks Tommy because he discovers this kid who shows promise, not because Tommy is his brother. Techno works better as a legendary figure who comes to Pogtopia's side for his own convictions, not because they happen to be his actual brothers. Tommy's hype over having Technoblade on his side would just fall flat if he was just his big brother coming to rescue him from bullies.

And it doesn't help with the current arcs either. Phil and Techno work so much better as friends than as father and son. The fact that neither of them feel any obligations towards Tommy makes more sense if he isn't their son/brother. And it's frankly just more interesting to me that way. I feel like the supposed family angst the fandom keeps going on and on about gets in the way of the story itself, which is more about Tommy and Tubbo's (broken) friendship and about Tommy's character development. Not about being abandoned by his family. And on Techno's side it's about his struggle for his ideals, and about finding true allies and true friendship in a corrupt world. Not about having a feud with his brother. Or worse: two brothers if Tubbo counts too.

Also Tubbo and Tommy should be best friends, not brothers. It just doesn't feel right.

It's not that I don't like family dynamics in other contexts! Just not this one. The Phil & Wilbur father/son stuff works, and clearly they're enjoying themselves. But Tommy and Techno never ever played as brothers in the storyline. They had a brotherly dynamic but they weren't brothers, there's a massive difference between those things! And they're clearly uninterested in playing it that way even now.

I hope they remove Techno and Tommy being Phil's sons from canon. Just let it be Wilbur alone. It's already pretty much de facto canon because none of the actual plot stuff supports the brothers thing, just make it official.

Also Wilbur stop declaring things about other people's characters as canon without asking them first please

(All that said, this is just about the Dream SMP specifically. They could still be a family in other contexts. And obviously you can do whatever you want in fanfiction.)

#dream smp #sleepy bois inc #ph1lza #tommyinnit #technoblade #wilbur soot #philza

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djservo · 3 years

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1 pondering on gavin's sexuality, 1 windenburg matchmaking request, 3!!! jersey shore inquiries, once again compiled 4 ur viewing pleasure 💋

wait that's iconic i'd love to meet ur gay gavin & exchange book recs 👯 & yessss same i love seeing people's takes on the townies like ofc it's fun when there's a general consensus but when there's that one out-of-left-field take/pairing/lore.. we simply have to respect 🙌

candy & siobhan are actually so hard for me to pair in my head bc those r my GIRLS & i want the very best for them 😤 it's abt matching the energies so i'd see candy with someone outgoing & fun & silly but also responsible (her being her sister's guardian and all) i almost wanna say johnny but idk if he's responsible enough, then i wanna say miko ojo but idk if she's easygoing enough 🤨 siobhan also needs some1 outgoing & fun & like very Cultured/In w the times ykwim... like i don't think she's an influencer but definitely knows all the right people / is in that general vicinity of The It-Crowd so lowkey... penny 😶‍🌫️ as for partihaus ..... well . u will see soon 😌💋

IKR i feel like she's a household name especially now that that era is the Moment but at the same time i'm trying to be more understanding & less of a "YOU DONT KNOW XYZ ??? 😵‍💫😵‍💫" gal bc ofc everyone's pop cultural upbringings / experiences vary depending on so many factors so while it Is jarring sometimes O WELL the world turns, the icons change, the trends die off, C'EST LA VIE 🗿

LMAO ur totally fine, i was never that big of a reality tv girl until the pandemic made me revisit the Classics of my adolescence so i get the confusion 🐒 i think shows from that era are fun to watch bc it's this mix of pre-social media/influencer personalities, but in the midst of The Rise of the Reality TV Star™️ so it's interesting to see the different ways fame and like Performance were handled back then vs now where it's *gestures towards the wasteland of youtubers / instagram models / etc* & then the fact that the jersey shore cast was just regular ass east coast italians all grouped together for their big personalities rather than online clout made things Feel a little more real/easier to connect with? like you could've met any of these people on the boardwalk ykwim so there's something kinda endearing/homegrown to it IDK even the fact that it's not just partying & going crazy but they actually have to physically work at the shore store too LMAO it's like reality tv for minimum wage earning 20 yr olds 😮‍💨🙏 i do think a lot of it is the nostalgia factor too & recognizing these shows as the pop cultural artifacts that they are / the undeniable effect they have on pop culture even today, but maybe that's just my own fascination/fixation speaking 🥸

HEYYY BABE GOOD 2 HEAR FROM U AGAIN!!! 🫂 i actually dont watch family vacation 😶 after rewatching the original series w my friend @ the start of the pandemic we Tried to get into it but it was srsly so depressing seeing them all like shiny n botoxed n groomed & like milking out the glory days even though everything is so different ?? 🤕 like as i answered above, so much of the appeal (for me) was how unfiltered & personal they felt and now i just feel like they've all been corrupted w fame in a sense RIP still lovable & somewhat the same but ugh man i don't wanna see their mansions or their hyper-sculpted-for-the-gram bodies lounging at bougie resorts making up problems / playing on nostalgia bc they know it'll get clicks ykwim?? v against the spirit of the original jersey shore 2 me 🌬 also i feel so much 4 sam & hate that everyone seemed to forgive ronnie like in her place UGH just bad vibes all around ❌ sometimes i'll watch clickbait moments on YT & i follow most of the cast on insta so i'll see bits thru there too but ya deffo not a full time watcher i don't think my heart could take it 🥲❤️‍🩹

#sry i hate to lump together!! u all deserve ur Moment/stage!!! but i don't want 2 clog the dash & u Know i write paragraph replies smh #idk Where all these asks r coming from but i luv it / luv u all ur all fun & funny geniuses it's like the fckn synposium over here sheesh 😮‍#***😮‍💨 but yes also 😮#asks

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meltwonu · 4 years

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| 🎃 𝕸𝖔𝖓𝖘𝖙𝖊𝖗 𝕸𝖆𝖘𝖍 🎃 |

↪ ✦ baby ✦

this chapter pairing; yandere!the8 x reader

genre&warnings; yandere!au, softdom!minghao, ice play, wax play, blindfolds, shibari, sex toys, minghao taking ~pictures~, uh murder ☠️.

✖ That being said, I do NOT condone yandere-like/obsessive/possessive behaviour in real life. this is a work of fiction therefore I will indulge in it. If you do NOT like this kind of content, please just ignore it.

notes; the way yandere minghao would be fucking ✨pristine✨ when he's taking care of 😳business😳 if ykwim,,, WHEW the mind, she reels. also no I didn't make anyone suffer in this chap by killing off anyone important 😩😩 I know that hurts too much khjfkdjfh I've spared you all for the last yandere chapter LOL 💕💕 One more chapter to go!! Thank you, as always, for your kind comments and support 🥺 I love u 💕💕 See you tomorrow for our last Monster Mash chapter!! 🎃💕👻

word count; ~2000

chapters; 1 - 2 - 3 - 4 - 5 - 6 - 7 - 8 - 9 - 10 - 11 - 12 - x

checking locks;

turning knobs

i’ve been circling for block;

and i’ll never stop.

like a moth to the flame;

when you’re calling out my name

and i’m on my way.

A tear slips from your eye and immediately soaks into the blindfold over your eyes.

Where was Minghao? You think.

Your thighs tremble, soft cries spilling from your lips when you tug at the ropes that keep you only slightly suspended above the bed. The hitachi he’d placed against your clit had gotten you to cum twice now and your body was quickly reaching your limit as you tried to shy away from the vibrations of the toy.

Minghao had said he was going to take care of something and that he’d be right back, but it had surely been at least 30 minutes since then and the only thing you’d heard was the creaking of the rope suspensions and the sound of the hitachi vibrating against your swollen clit.

He’d really been gone for far too long.

You’re about to tug at your restraints a few minutes later when you hear the doorknob starting to rattle. Oh, thank god.

“Have you been good, sweetheart?”

Minghao’s sweet voice feels like home and you’re quick to reply; glad that he’d come back sooner than later. “A-ah, y-yes but, mmh, the--the toy…”

“Ah, is it too much?”

You nod, squirming slightly as you sway in the rope suspension. “I---I already c-came tw--twice, ‘Hao…”

He smiles at you, even if you can’t see. “Only? You’ve cum more than that before, when I’ve left you like this.” You can hear him laugh lightly and soon his fingertips run across your skin and the intricately tied ropes around your limbs and torso.

Minghao takes pity, turning off the Hitachi when he hears your soft whines. “I’m sorry I took so long, sweetheart. I didn’t intend for it to take so long.” Your body goes slack as soon as the toy turns off and you feel him tugging at some of the ropes as they loosen around you.

“Let’s get you into a more comfortable position, hmm?”

When Minghao moves to undo some of the ropes and lowers you down onto the bed gently, he also takes a moment to take pictures on his film camera of your body covered in the indents from where the rope had dug into your skin.

It’s for my collection, he says. Just a personal one.

You always agree and he always lets you see the finished product as the two of you admire the way he captures you in his camera lens.

When you’d met Minghao through mutual friends, he wasn’t very talkative, admittedly. It’d taken a while for him to open up to you and you to him, but once the two of you had found common interests, you had found that he was quite the talkative person with a wide array of interests and skills.

He was incredibly meticulous and preferred to be in control whether it came to his craft or in bed, which you didn’t mind at all.

Minghao knew what he was doing.

“What’s your colour right now, sweetheart?” “Mmh.. G--green, Minghao…”

The blindfold is still firmly placed over your eyes even when he redoes the ropes into a more comfortable position; and this time, your head rests against the pillows with only one of your legs bent and tied and your arms tied neatly in front of you.

“Always so pretty for me.” Minghao coos. “I want to try something new, okay? Just tell me if it’s too much.”

“Okay...”

You hear the clinking of a glass nearby and soon the chill of an ice cube meets your warm skin as you mewl. It makes goosebumps rise as he drags the ice slowly until he places it directly against your clit and your fingertips try to reach for his hands as you gasp.

“Oh, M--Minghao!” You writhe under him as he smiles adoringly back at you. He runs the ice cube through your folds, letting it melt slightly as he holds it to your soaking entrance.

“Is it too cold, sweetheart? Would you prefer something warmer?”

You shake your head yes, hoping he meant his fingers instead. “Please…” You feel the bed shift slightly and hear the clicking of a lighter and realize it's definitely not what you were hoping for.

“Colour?”

“Um… y-yellow…?” You answer; a little unsure. The lighter clicks stop. “Yellow? Tell me what’s wrong, sweetheart.” His voice is soft and gentle and you feel his fingers massaging your skin a moment later.

“I--I’m okay with it, just---it’s, um, it’s not going to b-burn, right?”

“Of course not, sweetheart. I would never do anything that hurts you. Would you like some water? Or do you want to take a break?” You bite the inside of your cheek, blushing underneath your blindfold that hid your pink cheeks and ears.

“M-maybe some w-water?”

Minghao helps you tilt your head enough for you to take some gulps of water, kind fingertips wiping at your lips and helping you ease back against the pillows when you’re satisfied. “Thank you, Minghao…” You whisper.

“Of course, baby. Everything okay, now? Still yellow?”

“Mm… ‘m green now~”

He gives it a second as his hands roam your skin, massaging your thighs and your bound arms before he positions himself back between your legs.

You hear the lighter clicking again, body tensing at the heat that you knew was coming.

Minghao tilts the small candle over your bound thigh, letting the wax fall over parts of your skin and the ropes as he licks his lips. “Baby, you’re so so good for me.”

You’re a little shocked that the wax wasn’t as hot as you initially thought it’d be; only a mild sting before it eased into a nice warmth and dried cold onto your skin.

He lets it drip a little more on your thigh before he moves it up; a trail of wax dripping from your thigh to your hip bone as you whine. “Ngh, ‘Hao it--it feels really g-good…”

“Do you prefer the ice or this, hmm? Which one feels better?”

It takes you a second to think; in all honesty, they both felt good in their own ways.

“Um, ah, I l-liked them both…” You pause, “They’re d-different…”

He hums in response, letting the wax drip onto your inner thighs as you tremble underneath him.

Minghao repeats this pattern a few times; moving from your thighs to your hip bones and even letting a little drip onto your arms before he blows the candle out and sets it onto the tray he’d brought onto the bed. He takes a moment to admire his own work, fingertips itching for his camera.

“Hold still, okay?”

“Okay, ‘Hao~”

You hear the camera shutter going off a few times as you lay still for him, waiting with anticipation if he was going to play with anything new after he’d taken his pictures.

“I can’t wait to show you these pictures, baby. You look incredible.” He mutters; too focused on getting the right angles.

“I can’t wait to see them too!” Smiling, you wished that Minghao would take the blindfold off of you, but you also knew to let him do his thing as he wanted it.

It needs to be perfect, he’d say. There’s only so many free spaces on film.

“Sweetheart?”

“A-ah, yes?”

This time, you jolt when you feel his thumb on your clit and you easily let out a choked moan as you slightly tug the binds. “You’ve been so good for me, baby. I think you deserve to cum one more time.”

You nod shakily, lips parted. “Pl--please… ‘m so sensitive a-already…”

Minghao doesn’t respond, instead, he rubs your clit harder; relishing in the way you squirm and buck your hips up to meet his hand. You clench around emptiness as you chase your high, simultaneously wishing he fucked you instead.

“Ngh, Minghao...”

“You can cum, baby. Whenever you want.”

You imagine Minghao fucking you, cock grazing against your g-spot. And it was a feeling you knew well; toes curling as you let your imagination run wild. You imagine him between your legs, tongue teasing your clit and your soaking entrance as you tangled your hands into his hair and his hands wrapped prettily around your throat when he made you feel fuzzy and lightheaded.

“O-oh, I’m---I’m cumming!”

Your body tenses up one last time, back bowing off of the sheets as he continues to rub your clit; working you through your orgasm as his name rolls off of your tongue.

Another tear soaks into the blindfold as you ride out your high and your entire body buzzes with electricity and mild overstimulation when Minghao doesn’t let up.

“M--Minghao, I--I can’t...” You cry, thighs shaking uncontrollably.

You hear him chuckle and he immediately takes his thumb off of your clit as you catch your breath.

“I’m going to take the blindfold off now, okay, baby?” Nodding tiredly, you raise your head to the best of your ability as he reaches behind you to undo the knot and slip the silk material from around your head.

You’re thankful the room was already dim as your teary eyes start to focus on Minghao.

There’s still bits and pieces of wax on your skin and soaked into the ropes when you look down at your body. “Hi...” You whisper, cheeks hot.

“Hi, baby. How about we get you undone from these ropes and into a nice warm bath, huh?”

Confusion crosses your features, “What about you though?” He smiles gently, eyes twinkling with warmth.

“Let me worry about you, baby.”

Minghao makes sure the water is warm and to your liking before he helps you ease into the tub; bubbles spilling over and onto the floor.

“I’ll be right back. Don’t fall asleep, okay? I’m just going to grab you some water.”

You nod in return, resting your head against the porcelain.

Minghao was so sweet.

Minghao clenches his jaw once he steps back into the bedroom. Eyes scanning the dimmed space to make sure he hadn’t tracked in any unnecessary dirt or grime.

There was still so much he needed to clean before anyone found the body.

And it was really foolish of your boss to try and fire you, honestly. And to send you home crying? Just unacceptable.

Minghao wouldn’t let anyone get away with such actions. Not towards you.

Although, maybe it was a little foolish of Minghao to make such a damn mess in his fit of rage.

Ah, well.

He’d wait for you to sleep before he’d slink out of bed to finish what he’d started.

After all, Minghao was very meticulous with his work.

#yandere!the8 #yandere!minghao #the8 smut #seventeen smut #svt smut #minghao smut #yandere!svt #yandere!seventeen #the8 scenarios #the8 imagines #minghao imagines #minghao scenarios #seventeen scenarios #seventeen imagines #svt imagines #svt scenarios #the8 #minghao #monstermash!svt

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elivanto · 3 years

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Do you think that Pellaeon is pretty much just what Eli would have turned out like if Thrawn found him later rather than sooner?

WELL, i'm not sure? i'm inclined to say no, though? to me, pellaeon and eli are fundamentally different people tbh. i'm not about to write a whole essay on this because i don't think i know enough about pellaeon [proceeds to write whole essay 🙄] but whereas pellaeon grew up on coruscant (even though he apparently didn't like it much, thank you wookieepedia), eli spent his childhood and adolescence in wild space. so, like, the first big difference between them is their outlook on life, i guess (and, most importantly, their accent! shdfgdf)

if it wasn't for thrawn, eli would probably not have been interested in a command position in the navy at all and just done his supply officer thing, or even gone back to his family business after serving for a few years, if that's even possible when you're an imp (a bit unrelated, i love that when he's with the ascendancy he's like 'ummm excuse me, why am i a lieutenant and not a hotshot commander? how dare you, ar'alani? how dare you!!!' like chill you little space cowboy, you're doing almost exactly what you set out to do originally). and i guess that again it's a bit different with pellaeon, who served in the republic navy during the clone wars (ranked captain and in a command position) and continued that way in the empire.

hm, i could list more differences to make my point but honestly? i have no idea. maybe. like i said, to me they're fundamentally different characters but it's based more on a subjective feeling than actual textual evidence lmao. additionally there’s the fact that we only know eli as a (relatively) young man.

i do love that both of them were more or less bewildered by thrawn at the beginning and needed time to get used to him (but who doesn't...) and eventually became, for lack of a better word, fond of him. what i also love about both of them is that they're smart and able to think outside the box, ykwim?

so yeah, i personally don't think eli would've turned out like pellaeon but you can't deny that they're quite similar in some ways.

#was pellaeon actually bothered badly by thrawn being an alien? i know there was something but i can't recall #maybe eli's a bit more open regarding non-humans #and i'm not sure if eli's actually that loyal to the empire like pellaeon certainly was #but it's hard to say because honestly i very much feel like that little man is somewhat of an unreliable narrator #HA who knows maybe eli would've started his own smuggler organization like car'das #THAT i would love to see #he'd be brilliant at it ngl #anyway i've rambled enough #ask #anonymous #eli vanto #gilad pellaeon #sw lit #star wars #my sw meta

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janexeu · 4 years

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though the mist might prevent some from seeing it, JANE MÁRQUEZ is actually a descendent of HYPNOS. it’s still a question of whether or not the TWENTY-SIX year old DEMIGOD ELEMENTARY EDUCATION MAJOR from NEW ORLEANS, USA has taken after HER godly parent completely, but the demigod is still known to be quite SACRIFICIAL & STUBBORN.

( she’s b-b-b-back on her bs : katya ! tis uhm ,,,, a lil bit of a chonk of an intro but ill try 2 b cute w it. any time u wanna yeet jus peep the gif again & forgive me bc Look At Her ! )

POWERS ( more info here )

hypnokinesis — p much made her a glorified babysitter w lynch-esque wacko dreams. it got stronger naturally as she got older, but jus w herself n eventually the ppl shes real close w. its also gotten a lot better since comin to eonia

seeing gods in dreams — she doesnt hang out w em every fridays at tgifs but like ,,, if she had Pertinent Questions she cud smhw make it happen. found out abt her being a demigod at age 10 when she met hypnos

memory retrieval — shes got great memry of her own but bc she knows it can help w grief n all that, shes been learnin in eonia how to do it 4 others if they mayb wanted it

BIO POINTS

her single ma died during childbirth so jane's been in the foster care system since 5ever. attempts at reunification nvr worked out but thankfully she got real lucky w her group home and foster families. twas stable enough to not emotionally scar her even further but the instability of it all was fosho a big ol’ lot and has influenced her rigidness in sum aspects of her life

she lived p much as a mortal even tho her powers r a lil freaky. never went to camp but it worked out bc all her abilities r internal and cannot be Perceived by others. she had a talk w hypnos abt what 2 do n he mentioned camps but also gave sum monster avoidance tips ( like rarely use ur powers, maybe learn self defense, yada yada ) n she jus ,,, did that so she cud continue livin real normal w the mortals. logistics of camp stressed her out esp bc shes livin w non-family n stuff yk it was All Too Much, miss her w the added demigod stress tyvm

got married at 23 to her childhood sweetums luis, but he ,,, died abt a yr later fr a car accident. coma for 2 weeks n jane p much slept the entire time in his hospital room, visitin his dreams n talkin to him. twas a life support sitch so they eventually decided to pull da plug whch was real sad but like she's processed it 2 da best of her abilities. her powers helped a lot in the coping too n she visits memories of him in her dreams smtms when it gets real sad then shes ok again bc life goes on n life is pretty uwu

bc of her bg round kids of all kinds, shes always been passionate abt em. always takin babysittin/tutor gigs and went to community college so she cud teach n then worked as an elem teacher. only started considerin goin 2 eonia 4 postgrad when she had a student who showed signs n strugglez of bein a demigod. she eventually got to talk to their godly parent 2 confirm n she was shocked pikachu meme, real concerned for all those youngins who hav no clue what to do ! or how to cope ! bc they cant facetime w the olympians lyk she can ! so cue her discussin eonia w luis a lot then a year after the accident, broke out the pro-con list again. took abt *checks watch* another yr til she finally decided to zoom 2 athens but then whoosh she did !

PERSONALITY

yearning ? idk her — shes can be a bit of a take it as is typa chick. can be a lil literal jsksj not dumb but like ,,, def doesnt read into things enuff to pine n long n year yk. some things might def fly over her head. she says Yes To Serotonin in this house. she dk the the mitskis n the sikens n the carsons ; its all mary oliver up in this joint. we just tryna luv life n be grateful folkz

le freak, say chic ! — control freak, that is. growin up in an unstable envi meant shed cling 2 stability n independence, wrvr she cud get it. so when it comes 2 the way she does things, she can be real a heel digger. also bc she has 2 deal w kids yk so it can b A Lot n shes v stern lyk dat. ofc she wont infantilize the eonians .,,,. or will she ? big sis vibes outta control. she means well tho always always means well. itll also b v hard to get her 2 giv up on sum1 bc life ? she luvs it n knows u can too

changes by david bowie — is decidedly skipped on the playlist. she doesnt like change !!! i mean she knows its inevitable but still not entire unavoidable. ever since she got out of the system, shes had a partner n her own way of doing things n its been workin out so why change it yk ? she says time may change me but jokes on u i can sorta trace time

rip but im different — this goes out to all em whores in this house. she respectz ur hustle but like ,,,, not her thang. girl doesnt even get drunk when she drinks bc she doesnt rlly drink sksjsk doesnt like the taste of it, big baby ! but like she's Lived, its more like. ok tried it, not for me. thanks tho. also for all the meanies in the house, y’all perplex her. shes empathetic n wont show the judgement but smtms shes lowkey lyk .,., ur how old n u had all this goin 4 u n ur still so rotten ? how u actin like a 7yo w a trantrum ? scratch head, make it make sense

at least u tried — dad jokes, bad puns, tries to be big jokester but isn't funny. she's pretty tho so she gets away with it. idk wht else 2 say ur honor. shes the type thatll embarrass u w affection

well that was Awkward — probably sum1 abt her if they see her actin a Fool bc shes in a foreign sitch or topic. when shes a fish outta water then she can be so ! easily ! flustered ! which is p much her in eonia. shes not new new but theres way 2 much godly shennanigans for her to wrap her head ‘round n sis has never gone to camp so its ice bucket challenge level shock from time to time still w da magics n lore

til death do us part — yknow when death cab for cutie said i knew that u wer a truth i wud rather lose than 2 hav nvr lain beside at all ? how abt when they wrecked me by rudely sayin love is watching sum1 die ? yes ? no ? nywy thats jane 4 ya. if she loves then shes in and if shes in then she is all in, luke danes stylez

was that a vivid enough picture or did i just word vom the same things agen n agen sjksjs jus know shes cute n sweet if a lil frustrating n annoying bc shes stubbornpants mcgee. may or may not have a slight compulsion to help fix other ppl ..,,.. someone set her str8 n tell her fix u by coldplay isnt it !!!

OTHER INFO

5′9″ born 4 october 1994, virgo sun n moon

not a freshie ! idk how long her program is but like ,,, lets ignore that 4 now ok jus kno that she been here a while

yogi & boxing enthusiast back at home. hc her mans got real into the martial arts w her when hypnos told her she gotta learn how 2 defend so that was one of their things : bonding by workouts so jane cud protecc herself if need be

her maiden name’s jane fulton. got her mommas surname but the name jane ? thats some jane doe bs some rando picked out for her which she hated at first but then seeing tarzan made her go hmmm, ok bet !

lgbtq+ alliance president ! identifies as pan

she met her late hubbie when they were abt 7ish, real friends 2 lovers cuteness. jane was there for him throughout his entire coming out & transition ergo her passion for the community esp queer kids bc she was That Cis Ally for her mans. wears her ring as a real lowkey necklace now

shes also real passionate abt sleep. will ask u how did u sleep last night p much every day u see her bc ppl spend like half their lives asleep catherine ofc shes gonna ask

her fave thing abt eonia ? the whole siblings bit. shes had 2 make do w what she got n build a family from scratch so this ? she luvs it a lot let her give u kithes hypnos babies

shes p well versed in the greek thingies but only thru the knowledge mortals gets + dream info. after her realizin who she is, all things ancient greek jus sorta became her niche interest ykwim ? shes not like Super Learned abt it more like ,,, ok i gotta at least make Sum sense outta all this, gotta learn what i can. imagin how embarrassin it wud b 2 see a god in ur dream n then go : sorry to this man. nope. not jane, not her, nuh-uh

luv languages : words, acts of service, physical touch !

useless hcs but she loves disney sfm ok. smtms dresses up as princess tiana for bday parties n shit bc shell do nythin 2 put a smile on the kids n babs faces

ya like jazz ? bc jane surely does ! adores motown & 60s music. nina simone owns her. no one drag peggy lee from 101 dalmatians ! not an important hc but i jus wanted to quote my bubble butt winged bee lover barry

POSSIBLE CONNECTIONS

children ! infants ! babies !

demigods that make her scratch head damn u live like this ? but also wud knife emoji to protect n care for. shes not the oldest on campus but shes been livin independently p much her entire life so she finks shes got a tight grasp on the myth that is Adulting

srsly tho the Big Sis vibes is off the charts w this one. shell perserve u dumdums

baddie influencies !

convince her 2 get drunk at a party ! bc she never does. convince her to maybe try drugs ! or go hook up ! do smths impulsive idk jus smth new !

gl tho bc shes not rlly ,,, easily influenced But she can b reasoned w ! in general i fink its just gonna be a fun dynamic if y/m knows how to coax sum wildness outta her or w/e bc thotty yummy theyre hotty yolo rzning jus wont do w this gal. will most likely get argumentative like a big ol momma hen but if u win then ur winning big

Sleep Now or forever hold ur peace !

idk sum1 she helps w their messy sleep ? shes def not super public w it, surely knows her other siblings r Better at it but if y’all are close, she probs enjoys doin it 4 ya. she runs her hair thru fingers a lot when she does it. like a lot a lot unless u tell her to get lost

lover boi, lover gorl, lover enby !

she can be a lil traditional when it comes to how she views rels. she wants all that meetcute courting bs ! no gender roles tho n u best be sure shes not constantly comparin w her late hubbie ,,, but she jus wants smth magical n 2 be wooed again yk ?

so yea ,,, crushers mayhaps ? sum1 who is tryin 2 woo her ? sum1 she had a meetcute w and now janes got lowkey heart eyes for em ? idk lotsa possiblities but pls keep in mind she is not good at the flirtings so hav mercy on her

eonia tour guide !

or jus friends who like ,,, constnatly fill her in w all the godly stuff n whatnot. years of not goin 2 camps mean u miss out on a lot ! explore ruins w her n get her info her mortal educ didnt make her privy 2 yk

head real empty atm i will think of sum n let y’all know when i do, but give us all the conekshunz. friends, enemies, the usual bit, lgbtq alliance peeps, lmk whats up whats done whats cookin we want it all

( shes p much a new muse n da result of me tryna bring in an emotionally healthy kid to this sad sad university. janes in a v good well-adjusted place rn n is my therapy muse bc that other bitch m** is a messy handful. but wbk life aint linear so mayhaps shit’ll hit da fan or one of y/m will ruin her lmfao press f pls ! but also color me eyes emoji bc we love to see it )

#euintro

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star-puff · 4 years

Text

ok here i am Again w a submission … so i think suga and yams would be Drawn to the Sweet Girl Surface … not to say they wouldnt like the rest of you but thats the thing that catches their attention!!! they see the like …… controlled chaos ykwim? suga would rlly vibe w it and tho yams is more controlled than chaos i think hed also appreciate the capital-F Flavor 😈💯 take him to flavortown, guy fieri 🗣🗣

another person i rlly see is shirabu (but would you like him Back ….) . i think he likes people who are competent and have Standards for what they consider quality work so i think that he would be kinda Interested 🙈 you bond over bitching over the other ppl in the group project and it turns into a friendship that goes Beyond the grade…only problem is hes um . kinda looking forward to your texts now and he doesnt know what to do.

i typed this whole thing abt suguru out but it was kinda incoherent so heres me trying again: its kinda like . dependent on which side he shows you . bc theres the part of him thats willing to do Whatever It Takes to win and is kind of um . An Asshole but its kind of that shirabu type where he knows you in a diff light than the Sweet Girl Surface . a quiet rivalry as you duke it out for being top of the class (a quick look at the wiki says hes in class 6 so you know he has A Brain) and its kinda like begrudging respect (and perhaps 👁 the realization that You’re Not So Different After All)

but if he Does know you as The Sweet Girl its different. my god is it different. you know the way he acts w mika …. the Good Boyfriend Suguru ….. even tho theres a panel where they go out to eat and she tells him she KNOWS hes a slimy bastard NSKDFSD i think if he isnt competing w you hes trying real hard to woo you …… if i were you id let him idk 🙈🙈 the grass jelly lookin kinda good tonite idk idk 🙈🙈🙈🙈

and finally its a bit situational but i do see makki 😈😈 the hard part is befriending him to the point where the Surface Layers you both have get peeled away but i think once they do theres a lot of laughter to be had …. its good times with good energy and Yes . bonding over shared opinions (and complaints)

this is obnoxiously long but i hope . i have answered the question

—

nsdflksdf ARI YOU NEVER DISAPPOINT . ok let’s go through this one by one shall we .

suga and yams - I’M STILL CRYING OVER “take him to flavortown, guy fieri 🗣🗣”. BUT SECOND OF ALL. this one actually . fits so well . i indeed radiate Controlled Chaos energy esp underneath the Sweet Girl exterior . i think i would send suga a keysmash and he just Knew that there was more than what it seems in Meg Town

shirabu - shirabu…sorry babe maybe after timeskip since you’re a doctor and i think my parents would be happy about that but! not with that 2am quarantine haircut 💔 But Yeah . bitching over groupmates does seem like my MO LMAO. we’d be doing a group project and we’d decide to split up the slides for like, 2 per person, but Shirabu’s and mine are the only ones that actually look good and not 1) 5 words max on a slide or 2) a copy-pasted wikipedia article. but he’s prbly gonna be left as an ig mutual only once our project is over 💔 maybe a convo every other month 💔💔 but he was a great groupmate and companion 😀👍

suguru - oh my god rivals to lovers . but onesided . honestly though i feel like . if it’s any class regarding Language (aka syntax, spelling, the objectively correct subjects) i would be So Competitive. like, obnoxiously competitive SDLFKD, but we would definitely have a Rivalry going on . (i’m going to pretend for a quick min that i’m Not a dumbass in regards to academics but its For The Scenario .) AND NSDLFKSDF i cannot see myself acting as the Sweet Girl to suguru . i just can’t. he’s the type i would shade nonstop to my friends i just know it . rivalry it is 🤝🤝🤝🤝

makki - MAKKI 🔊🔊🔊🔊🔊 i think the same too. like if we Somehow got close enough to text daily i think we would vibe very well . i feel like we share the same sense of humor too SLFKS like. just make fun of Everything & not take life Too seriously. yeah . sigh. i just want a makki to liven up my day is that so much to ask 💔

#[folded hands emoji]#n e ways thank you for your service ari this was a joy to read #you have indeed answered the question 😈#ps your ask with the Other Characters made me heave a little #my heart shriveled just at the thought #meg answers #ari🌊#ask games 🧃#submission

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bthump · 5 years

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sobadpink replied to your post “Before reading berserk people often told me how evil Griffith is and...”

Miura has his shortfalls but he’s definitely the ace at making not character automatically “good” or specifically “evil” (except the godhand, just human characters) Tbh the only horribly evil thing Griffith did was rape Casca. Everyone seems to have it out for him because of the sacrifice, but the way I see it, and the way Griffith appeared to reason with it, is that the mercenaries of the Hawk were more or less ready to die for him on the battlefield ANYWAY. All at once or over the course of- Years for his dream actually makes no difference. They were all willing. Until it was a hellish nightmare and not the jolly battlefield- but it was a means to and end they literally signed up for. Most of them, if any, were going to live long enough to see Griffith reach his end goal anyway. It was a shortcut, but Griffith is not evil for taking it

Sorry for the wait, I ran out of steam last night lol.

Yeah I pretty much agree. The Godhand, including Femto ofc, are basically pure evil, because they’re like, fantasy entities essentially created from the evil in the hearts of men etc. They’re meant to be representations of the absolute worst aspects of humanity, rather than complete complex people that contain multitudes. So yeah the Eclipse rape is meant to be a one dimensionally evil act through and through, unlike the sacrifice itself which is much less clear-cut.

And yeah one of Miura’s biggest strengths is definitely how well he writes morally grey characters, at least main characters (like I don’t think it’s a bad writing choice not to give minor villains like Donovan or rapey bandits or w/e depth lol), give or take when he falls back on sexual assault cough guts cough.

But yeah as for the sacrifice, I pretty much agree, in fact I think the sacrifice is meant to be kind of ironically appropriate as an end to the Hawks lol. The Hawks risked their lives with every battle at least partly for the sake of the brighter future Griffith’s dream could grant them.

“They’ll get to see great things.”

And all the Hawks who made it to the Eclipse are the ones who believed in Griffith strongly enough to live for a year as fugitives, dying in raids, in the hopes that if they rescue him he’d be able to lead them back to glory.

Yeah it’s Corkus, but the point of this outburst is that he’s saying what they’re all thinking - as we see when his words are placed over the other Hawks looking devastated.

The sacrifice is kind of the darkest logical endpoint to a story about people who risk their lives in battle, fighting for future glory. They help make Griffith’s dream a reality when they die in battle and when they die during the Eclipse. The story itself is kinda set up to ask: what’s the difference?

And it’s even better from Griffith’s perspective because he cares so much about the Hawks who die in battle for him. And because he cares he gets really, really good at burying his feelings of guilt and self-loathing and continuing on the path to his dream anyway. And because he cares they’re all useful sacrifices according to the spiritual logic of Berserk’s universe that require ppl to sacrifice loved ones. And because he cares he prioritizes the deaths of tens of thousands over the lives of 40ish Hawks. It’s because he cares about everyone, even the dead, that he doesn’t see a difference.

(I mean that’s an exaggeration, he obviously does see a difference, hence why it took a fuckload of guilt tripping and manipulation and despair and torture and agonizing feelings he wanted to escape before he was able to say yes to the Godhands’ offer. But ykwim. We see the rationalization, and it’s thoughtful and interesting and morally complex and I love it.)

Like lol this is why it bugs me so much when people think Griffith was evil from the start, because the sacrifice is SO GOOD as an example of a well-intentioned act of “evil,” that readers are meant to understand and empathize with. Like for all that people who call Griffith evil claim to love Miura’s writing they sure miss the actual highlights of it.

I guess to be fair if Griffith’s dream had gone according to plan all the Hawks at the end of the 100 year war would’ve seen his dream come to fruition, so idk that it’s quite accurate to say most of them wouldn’t live to see it (I assume you meant “wouldn’t” instead of “would” there). Griffith was pretty good at minimizing casualties. Tho I do wonder if most of the earliest Hawks lived to see the end of the war.

But yeah it’s still true that they’re knowingly putting their lives on the line for a nebulous future with every battle, and the Eclipse is basically just like, welp here’s the battle where you all end up dying for your awesome future. Have fun with that. I’ve talked about this before in a little more detail here too. But yeah I think it kind of goes hand in hand with Berserk’s particularly cynical take on dreams.

#sobadpink #replies #a #b #scene: eclipse #scene: pre eclipse #theme: morality #theme: dreams #it's not a theme i particularly agree with i think lol but i still enjoy it in a lot of ways #other ppl's meta

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multsicorn · 8 years

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KENT PARSON

LOLZ it’s like you know me

this is so long it’s under a cut

character: hate them | don’t really care | like them | LOVE them | THEY ARE MY PRECIOUS

ship with: EVERYONE. literally everyone. … okay to break this down:

* Jack/Parse is the main thing I write about and think about and have feelings about. however they are generally pretty sad-trending feelings. so what does ‘ship’ mean.

* Parse/OC(s) is the thing I actually WANT TO HAPPEN for him, it’s the happy place future I go to when I go that far in my mind; not to get back with Jack, with or without Bitty, but to get the FUCK OVER those wounds, that hook, finally.

* (I have a tendency to go for Parse/Swoops, specifically, cause I’d like the ‘falling for a teammate’ story to work out *well,* and, um, cause there’s a specific set of tags that I started keying that off of that I should go find again - it was on a post about ace Kent Parson, something like #he wants to be someone’s everything #in a very specific way, and. idk. it makes a compelling story-seed, for me.)

* Parse/THERAPY is also an extremely necessary thing that I’m not likely to write but I dearly hope happens someday

* PB&J/Pimbits/whatever it’s called is my favorite sort of shippy story, I think; there’s lots of Parse/OC fics that are JUST AS GOOD, but… the overlaying of multiple love triangles, and then synthesizing them into a working system, that happens in the Jack/Bitty/Parse fics that work with the setup there (rather than skipping forwards into ‘when they’re all happy together’)… gets my #feelings well enough that it dragged me into this fandom!…. specifically, I started reading first check, please! fic and then eventually the comic because touchy subject and ain’t licked yet are not only so fucking good but hit my id SO PERFECTLY. Everyone having feelings about everyone else’s relationships. Such wonderful emotional ~density!

* Patater is the only popular Parse ship I’m like… why. (I do buy des-zimbits’ ship manifesto about how they could be good together; but, c’mon, that’s not why, the reason why is cause Tater is the next-most-fleshed-out NHL character who isn’t Jack, and isn’t already fairly strongly paired with someone else, and can therefore be paired with Kent without disrupting any existing popular ships.) Basically I’ve read some good ones, but most of it seems to be the exact sort of fluff that is why I mostly don’t read Zimbits fic and mostly do read Parse fic! (And that’s before even getting into #little Russian things that throw me out of the story.)

* But really, just, anyone; I read the Parse character tag on AO3 so I won’t miss the gen fics or the random crack ships, cause sometimes they’re good! (I think this is what it’s like to be way more OTC than OTP.)

friendship them with: JACK jack jack jack jack.

Also Bitty that could be so interesting, I want to see them navigating a friendship around their separate feelings/history/etc. wrt Jack, I want to see that #blessyourheart and Parse’s probable answering antagonism (or simply antagonism born out of jealousy) morph slowly into something that’s somehow an actual friendship, that can be really interesting! And fun! And I love to see them being petty together, lol; I also love to see them commiserating over why is Jack Zimmermann such a dick, depending on circumstances. (… I suppose those two can be one at the same.)

So yeah, that’s fun, but Jack and Kent getting back to a place where they can be friends with each other? Where Jack’s not like ‘um Parson *abort* *ignore ignore*’ and Kent’s not tearing Jack into shreds at being rejected and they can have conversations and maybe some of those mutual apologies alluded to in Shinny and maybe ~closure,~ even? For the way ‘it just ended’? The idea of after years of wounds getting to put to rest the bad parts (cause I suspect their relationship was A Mess) and get back the good parts of one of your old best friendships again? It makes me more #emotional dammit than anything else about this comic.

(the lines I’ve been thinking about here, lately:i said i’d never miss you but i guess you never knowmay the bridges i have burned light my way back homeon the fourth of july~)

there’s something i can’t seem to reduce or explain any further about ‘may the bridges i have burned light my way back home’ that just GETS TO ME.

general opinions: SO MANY.

I love him. I mean, obviously. If one takes a look at my blog.

But, interestingly, I’m not quite sure why I don’t read him as abusive. (If anyone from Glee fandom remembers the way I was about Sebastian…!) Some of the things he says to Jack in Parse III - ‘you think you’re too fucked up to care about? That you’re not good enough? Everyone already knows what you are, but it’s people like me who still care’ - and ‘you’re scared everyone else is going to find out you’re worthless, right? Oh, don’t worry, just give it a few seasons, Jack, trust me’ - are ABSO-FUCKIN-LUTELY red flags, and I’ll throw down with anyone who says they aren’t. (I mean. I hate confrontation, so I probably won’t? but in theory.) Likewise, coming to Samwell/the Haus in the first place when he seems to know that Jack wouldn’t want to see him if he had a choice about it… is also an awful thing to do, if possibly understandable depending how you write the backstory and decision-making or lack thereof, but also a red flag!!!

I mean, basically, you can read ‘Parse III’ as literally one of the worst nights of his life, and when he’s behaving the worst, as something that’s not much of a pattern and so you shouldn’t judge him on it too harshly; or you can read it as HE IS SOMEONE WHO BEHAVES LIKE THIS, abort abort get away. I find trying to take what we see and still make someone sympathetic to be a much more interesting story, basically, and the bones of a very compelling one; but in my experience with other characters in other media who have triggered my own pattern matching to be ‘abort abort get away,’ I have utter sympathy and understanding for everyone who has him blacklisted to hell and back, and I’m actually still not sure why I don’t myself! (of course if I had reacted that way I wouldn’t be in this fandom at all, so I wouldn’t have much need to blacklist him… but ykwim.)

SO OKAY HM WHAT ELSE, cause if I’m listing all of my opinions on Kent Parson I could literally be here all night.

* ‘He never got over it’ may sound cruel but it just so happens to be the truest thing. Kent’s not really still in love with Jack (though I’m sure he was when they were both 18); he doesn’t really know him, hasn’t really seen or talked to him in seven-ish years, now. In which they’ve both changed. But Kent’s in all that time never managed a relationship with anyone else (… probably); never managed to reorient himself sufficiently away from the horrific failure that losing Jack in the particular way he did was. He never got over it isn’t just your stupid ass, Zimmermann, you’re not that great!, it’s the wound of finding your best friend and lover dying on the bathroom floor (or hearing about it later secondhand, that’s great too), it’s the wound of him not wanting to talk to you or hear what you have to say afterwards. How the fuck would you get over something like that.

* (so, I mean, that’s why I love Kent. His STORY is so much more INTERESTING than zimbits’ romcom or the smh team shenanigans; or, well, okay, it’s objectively a different flavor of emotions at least. And the higher drama and angst quotients there are infinitely more interesting to me.)

* I think he’s a good captain for the Aces, actually. I think he enjoys parties, getting to interact with lots of people, loves attention and flirting, etc. - and dancing/dance music too! - but I don’t think he’s ~partied~ in a problematic way since maybe his first year on the team. (Or if he has, it’s in a few isolated incidents.) He’s generally responsible trying to look out for his rookies and his teammates in trouble.

* AND OF COURSE HIS CAT, who is the love and light of his life, and also more popular on the internet than he is. There are tons of people who recognize Kit Purrson from her photos but have no idea who Kent is. He loves it, I’m sure. =^.^=.

* He is, however, really bad at controlling his own emotions. (Or should I say, himself.) It’s fine when this results in impulsive spending, cause he’s a multi-millionaire, it’s fine when this results in being ridiculous or gushing at people, and he IS actually able to keep secrets, though this would probably surprise most of the people who know him but not that well. (he’s not out yet, so.) But he says REALLY MEAN AND UNFAIR things to people he cares about when he feels rejected/abandoned (… I’m sure that time in Parse III is not the only time), so, that’s a problem, he knows it gets him into trouble, and I don’t think he’ll learn how to not until, um, THERAPY ~*~.

* HE IS SUCH AN ATTENTION WHORE THO. Also great at being ~charming. (see, e.g., the accountant sketch, as well as the epikegster) - and pretty genuine with it! He LIKES people!

* He is also a FUCKING MESS - possibly not in the #adulting sense, maybe he can feed himself, who knows, but, emotionally - I think he both longs for connection with people, and fears it going south, cause, well. The last guy he was in love with almost died (almost killed himself? I bet you couldn’t tell from the outside!) and then stopped talking to him. And very possibly also for reasons predating that incident, too. Cause if Kent had the sort of relationships he wants to have with people IN LAS VEGAS, then he wouldn’t have crashed the epikegster in the first place. So: lonely, and dealing with it poorly, no matter how well he’s doing otherwise. But not sad all the time. I think that’s all of the important things?

* (I’m not sure where the line between ‘opinions’ and ‘headcanons’ lies, so, yeah, I’m gonna cut myself off here. Maybe I’ll write ‘my list of random Parse headcanons’ next! Or maybe not, who knows. But I would LIKE to. Everyone wants to know how I imagine his sexuality, his family, etc., I’m sure; well okay, I want to write about it, anyway! Not only waiting till the times I’ve finished a fic!)

#camilliar #meme #omgcheckplease stuff #kent parson #hockey draco #anyone send me more characters if you'd like i love to go on and on #pimms #pimbits #tagging for bls etc

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css1992 · 3 years

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Guilty Pleasure

[Porn AU]

Summary: Peter and Beck used to be a power couple in the porn industry, but after Beck dumps him, Peter is forced to start over. With no money, no family and nowhere to go, he doesn’t have much choice other than to keep doing porn, so he joins Just4Fans to get back on his feet and then one day he gets a very generous tip from someone under the username of YKWIM.

All the warnings listed on Part I apply.

Read on AO3

Part I / Part II / Part III / Part IV / Part V / Part VI / Part VII / Part VIII / Part IX / Part X / Part XI / Epilogue

-x-

As it turned out, Tony did make great pancakes. Peter woke up the next day to the smell of them, and shyly headed in the general direction it was coming from, until he reached the kitchen. Tony was standing there, wearing impeccable gray dress pants, a crisp white shirt and a green tie, as he added batter to a frying pan. Peter supposed that was what heaven would look like when he died.

“Oh, hey, kitten, you’re up.” He grinned at him, who smiled in return, nodding. He had put his clothes from the night before back on, and he was glad he did, because Tony was dressed to the nines and it would have been awkward if he had shown up in just his boxers or something. “Sleep well?”

“I did, thanks.” And it was surprisingly true. Peter hadn’t had such a good night’s sleep in a while, he supposed he missed sleeping next to someone. He did share a bed with Beck for two years, so it felt awfully lonely to sleep by himself. “Are you headed to work?” He asked as he sat on a stool by the kitchen island and Tony nodded guiltily, fixing two plates of pancakes.

“I’m so sorry, I tried to make arrangements to get the morning off, but duty calls.” To his credit, he did look genuinely sorry, so Peter thought maybe it wasn’t just an excuse to get rid of him. Maybe.

“It’s okay, I have to be home soon, or my friends will worry.” Which wasn’t exactly true, but not exactly a lie either. They wouldn’t notice he was gone until lunchtime, since they both had work or class in the morning, but when they did notice, they would freak out.

“I thought you lived by yourself?” Tony sounded interested as he sat beside him by the kitchen counter and pushed a plate his way. Peter thanked him, taking a bite of the surprisingly good pancake.

“I do, but we live in the same building, so we’re always checking in on each other.” Tony hummed, nodding, and they were silent for a little while, until the older man spoke up again.

“Can I ask about your relatives?” He felt his eyes on him and knew that, much like the night before, he was testing the waters, making sure Peter was comfortable with that subject.

“Sure. I don’t have any, though. I’m an orphan, I’ve lived in foster homes for most of my life.” Peter didn’t really mind talking about that period – it was basically all he knew. He was too little when his parents died and was only ten when Ben and May passed away, so the foster homes were where he made most of his memories.

“Oh. I’m so sorry to hear that.” Tony winced, maybe thinking he had touched a sensitive subject after all, but Peter smiled and shrugged.

“It’s okay, it was a long time ago. My friends are like family to me now, so I’m good.”

“I’m glad you have them.” Again, he gave him that genuine smile that made Peter believe he was actually glad to hear that. Like he actually cared. “So… Can I see you again? Or was this just a one time thing?” The older man turned his body to face Peter, who froze for a second with the mug held to his lips, mid-sip.

“Oh, uhm…” Peter almost chocked on the coffee, not quite believing his ears. He honestly thought that the older man would slowly disappear from his life. Or maybe not even that slowly. Peter figured he had gotten what he wanted, so why would he stick around? “I mean, sure. If you want.” He said, like an idiot, and Tony raised a brow.

“I really do, but I don’t mean to pressure you, so if you want to say no and just go back to what we had, that’s okay. Or not even that, if you prefer. Just say the word and I’ll get out of your hair.” He sounded honest enough, but Peter quickly shook his head, eyes wide.

“No, it’s okay, I definitely wanna do this again.” He assured him, and Tony seemed satisfied with his answer, expression softening as he nodded.

After breakfast, the older man insisted on driving him home and when they arrived at his building, he felt a little awkward as to how to say goodbye, but Tony made it easier by simply leaning in and kissing him softly on the lips, one hand stroking his knee in a gentle caress.

“I’ll call you later, kitten.” He promised and Peter just sighed quietly, feeling dizzy.

He was a little out of it for the rest of the day, both Ned and MJ asked what was wrong with him in separate occasions, but he just said he was tired from his new routine. They had dinner together and when he went back to his apartment that night, he was just mildly surprised that he actually got a call from Tony. It was an innocent, sweet phone call, too. He did not expect that, to be honest, they had been sexting for two months and they had actual sex the previous night, so he kind of expected Tony to just go for it.

But no.

He asked about his day, about his friends, he told him about his own day, then somehow they ended up talking a little bit about Peter’s childhood, his parents, aunt May and Uncle Ben, it was just a really nice chat, which he appreciated. Not that he didn’t enjoy talking dirty to Tony, but the fact that he called just to have a normal conversation with no second intentions was, well. Nice.

He didn’t really know where they were going with that, probably nowhere, really, Peter was an ex-porn star, Tony was an A-list celebrity, a billionaire and a fucking Avenger, so there was literally zero chance they could evolve to something else. They would probably just go out a few more times, have mind-blowing awesome sex, and then go their separate ways. And Peter was okay with that.

It was fine. Really. It was just fine.

And it was for the best, otherwise how would he explain to Ned and MJ that he was dating Tony Fucking Stark? It would be a nightmare. MJ would kill him and lecture him on how big corporations like Stark Industries were destroying their way of life and Ned would pass out – and possibly die – so, yeah. It was a good thing they had no real future together.

That didn’t mean he couldn’t enjoy it while it lasted, though. Tony was really nice, a true gentleman, a good conversationalist, a great kisser and an amazing lay. So whatever he could get out of those moments they had together, he would. Everything was perfectly fine and under control. And did he mention fine?

The next morning, he woke up early and went for a jog around the block. He had been experimenting with different types of workout routines, but he thought he might stick with jogging and yoga for a while, he was even looking for a yoga studio close to his building so he could start training more seriously. When he got back, he took a long shower, made breakfast and spent a few hours answering people on Just4Fans, then posted a few pictures there, linked it to his twitter account and let people know on Instagram.

Tony texted him mid-morning and Peter blushed like a teenager when he read his message.

“Just saw the new pics, you look stunning as always, baby, but I have to admit I’m spoiled now, pictures are not enough. Can’t wait to see you again. Dinner tomorrow?”

“Flattery will get you everywhere, sir, keep it coming.” He smiled to himself and bit his lower lip, excited by the prospect of seeing Tony again so soon. “Tomorrow sounds great, where are we going? Should I start stressing about the dress code?”

“I was thinking you could come over. Did I mention that I’m a great cook? Pancakes aren’t my only specialty.” Peter felt butterflies in his stomach. It was stupid, of course, but he just found it endearing that Tony wanted to cook for him.

“I’d love to. I’m curious about your cooking, your pancakes did taste fantastic.” Just the thought of that morning and, more importantly, the night before that, made his mind wander, as a quiet sigh left his lips.

“Prepare to be blown away.”

“You’re so humble, I love that about you.” The young man smiled to himself.

“Thank you, kitten, it’s one of my many qualities.” Peter laughed at his antics.

They settled on a time and Tony insisted on picking him up, even though it was obviously inconvenient since they were having dinner at his place, but he wouldn’t take no for an answer, so Peter gave in. They talked a little more, but soon Tony had to go back to work and now that the younger man knew exactly who he was, he imagined it was a lot of work.

He went on with his Saturday – in the afternoon, he took a few pictures and videos with different sets of lingerie he bought with MJ when they went to Victoria’s Secret, and that should be enough to last him at least a few days. At dinnertime, he went down to his friends’ apartment, as usual, and they were both home.

“What’s up, nerd,” MJ greeted from the couch, but didn’t raise her eyes from her phone.

“Hey, Pete, dinner is almost ready,” Ned called from the kitchen island.

“Want me to set the table?” He walked over to where Ned was fishing a plate out of the microwave.

“Sure.”

Peter knew his way around the kitchen, so he got to work, placing the plates and cutlery on the small, square table by the counter.

“Hey, are you up for a Star Trek marathon tomorrow night? I don’t have any classes next Monday morning, we can stay up late.”

“Oh, uhm. I –“ Fuck, he hadn’t really thought of an excuse for why he wouldn’t be having dinner with them. “I can’t, because…” He noticed that MJ had finally raised her eyes from her phone, only to stare at him suspiciously. “I have this thing, uhm, on my Just4Fans… Tomorrow night.”

“Can’t you just schedule the posts?” MJ asked from the couch, because of-fucking-course she knew about that.

“Uhm, yeah, I can, but – uhm. It’s a live stream. I’m live streaming tomorrow for the first time. It’s good for tips and stuff, so. Yeah. I’ve already let everybody know, I can’t cancel.” He gave them an apologetic smile, trying to look convincing, but he was pretty sure he just looked like a nervous wreck.

“Oh. Ok, then.” Ned shrugged and didn’t seem bothered at all, but MJ kept staring at him from the couch, like she could smell his bullshit from a mile away. She didn’t say anything, though, for which he was grateful.

The next morning, he woke up early and decided to skip his usual jog around the block and just did a short yoga session in his living room, warmed by the morning sun that flooded his apartment at that time. He had lunch with his friends and spent the afternoon with them, but left early with the excuse that he had to get ready for his “live stream”.

When the older man texted to say he was waiting outside, Peter was already showered and dressed and skipped downstairs two steps at a time. He didn’t know what he was supposed to wear to a billionaire’s house, but he decided casual was probably fine, so he put on a pair of light blue jeans and a light pink, thin sweater.

Tony was driving a low-profile, black SUV and he got out of the car when Peter stepped outside the building. He had a baseball cap and tinted glasses on, dark blue jeans, a Metallica t-shirt and sneakers, and if Peter didn’t know it was him, he would never have thought that was actually Tony Stark.

“Hey, gorgeous, looking good.” Tony didn’t think twice before reaching out to pull him closer by the hips, stealing a chaste kiss from his lips. Peter blushed and completely forgot he should be worried that Ned or MJ might see them if they came downstairs for something, or even if they looked out the living room window. He wrapped his arms around the older man’s neck and deepened the kiss.

“Thanks, but you should get your eyes checked.” He joked as he let go, taking a small step back.

“Yeah, I think so too, I think constantly staring at such beauty is taking a toll on my eyesight, I’m an old man, after all.” Tony pulled him by the chin and stole yet another kiss. When he pulled away, Peter shook his head and laughed.

“Oh my God. Seriously, do you practice these lines in the mirror or something?” He had a feeling that if it was anyone else saying half the things Tony said to him daily, he would find it corny and possibly annoying, but somehow the older man made everything sound charming, sweet, sexy, endearing – hell, everything at once. And he always knew what to say to make Peter’s knees go weak, it was unnerving sometimes.

“No, you just inspire me daily, baby.” He gave him a charming smile, as he opened the door and gestured for Peter to get in the car.

The ride to Tony’s place was filled with the sound of the older man humming along to the music playing. Peter didn’t recognize any of the songs, it was a classic rock playlist, but then he heard a familiar beat and thought it was a great opportunity to stick his foot so deep inside his mouth he almost choked.

“I love Led Zeppelin!” He didn’t exactly love Led Zeppelin and he was quite sure he had just heard a cover of that song, not the original version, but he thought he’d sound cool if he said that. When he looked over, though, Tony was laughing his head off. Peter blushed a deep crimson, eyes widening as he realized he must have said something incredibly dumb.

“Oh, you’re not joking.” Finally seeming to realize that the younger man wasn’t laughing along with him, Tony turned down the volume, as they approached Stark Tower’s garage entrance. “That’s Back in Black by AC/DC, kitten. But hey, I love Zeppelin, too, who doesn’t?” He smiled warmly, looking at him sideways, and Peter nodded.

“Oh, right. Yeah. Of course.” Fuck his life. Of course he had to make a complete fool of himself right at the beginning of the night. He wanted to jump out the window from embarrassment, but it would only add to his humiliation, since Tony had already parked and got out of the car.

The older man opened the door for him and Peter avoided eyes contact, as he led him to the elevator. He could still feel his cheeks burning on the ride up, his head was starting to hurt from shame. Was that a thing?

“Hey, don’t be like this.” Tony pulled him into a loose hug, kissing his temple with a soft smile on his lips. “It was an honest mistake. Besides, I wouldn’t be able to identify whatever it is you kids listen to these days.”

It was oddly comforting to hear that. Even though he knew Tony wasn’t trying to be mean to him back in the car, it was hard not to feel attacked in situations like that. Beck always tried to make him feel dumb, inferior and juvenile whenever he got the chance.

So he rested his head on Tony’s shoulder and nodded slowly. He was going to say something like “don’t worry, I’m fine” but it got lost somewhere in the back of his throat when the older man held him a little tighter and stroked his hair.

The whole interaction lasted merely a few seconds, soon the elevator doors opened to the familiar sight of Tony’s living room, looking just as impeccable as it did a couple of nights earlier. The older man gestured for Peter to lead the way and he did, paying closer attention to the details, since he was a little too nervous to do it the last time he was there.

What he realized when he took a look around, was that the penthouse didn’t look lived in at all. It was all glass and metal, shiny floors and sophisticated furniture, black and gray decoration – it looked ready to be featured in one of those shows that listed the most beautiful houses in the world, but it didn’t look like a place he would like to go back to at the end of the day.

“You don’t spend a lot of time here, do you?” Peter asked, as Tony led them in the direction he remembered the kitchen and the dining room were.

“That obvious, huh?” The older man winced and Peter flushed, realizing he might have been a little rude in his observation. “But yeah, when I’m home, I spend most of my time down in the workshop.”

“Ah, the famous workshop. I suppose if I were to visit right now there would be pictures of me hanging on every wall?” He joked, remembering that Tony had once told him that he would hang his pictures in the workshop and never get any work done.

“I mean, not every wall…” He turned to him and winked, leaving the younger man a little unsure if he meant it or if he was just messing around. Sometimes it was hard to tell with the man’s sarcastic sense of humor. “I’ll give you a tour after dinner.” He promised, when they finally reached the dining room.

The table was set in a simple manner, for what Peter was glad, it made him feel more comfortable and at ease. Tony pulled out a chair for him then headed to the kitchen, which was separated from the dining room only by a long, wide counter, where the had breakfast the other day.

The man came back with wine, pouring two glasses for them, then he started placing the dishes on the table. There was mashed potatoes, grilled veggies and roast chicken, and the smell was to die for, Peter’s stomach rumbled and he wasn’t even that hungry.

“Voilà. This was my favorite meal as a kid, my grandma used to make this for me all the time when I spent summers with her.” He took a seat across from Peter, looking at him expectantly. The younger man found his enthusiasm amusing, so he fixed a plate under Tony’s eager supervision. “Tell me what you think. But be nice, I haven’t cooked this in a while, it might be a little dry.”

Peter took a bite of the chicken first, and it took him a few moments to feel the explosion of flavors on his tongue. The meat was tender and juicy, cooked to perfection, and the seasoning tasted inexplicably like home – it didn’t taste like something he could order at a restaurant, let alone a frozen meal he could buy at the supermarket. He then tried the mashed potatoes along with the grilled veggies and almost cried.

“Tony, this is so good, have you considered dropping everything and starting a restaurant?” he gushed, taking another bite of the chicken only to confirm that, yes, that was probably what paradise tasted like.

“Don’t exaggerate. I already like you plenty, kitten, you don’t need to flatter my cooking skills.” Tony smiled, shaking his head lightly, and if Peter didn’t know any better, he might think he was blushing.

“I’m not, this is seriously the best homemade meal I’ve ever eaten,” he insisted and Tony cocked his head to the side, with a confused smile and a frown

“What the hell have they been feeding you, kid?” He asked and Peter chuckled.

“Well, I spent most of my life in foster care and I was never lucky enough to end up in a family that liked to cook.” The families he stayed with weren’t bad – not compared to some of the horror stories he heard from other foster kids he met in the past – they just weren’t good. They provided him with the bare minimum for survival, so water and enough food to avoid starvation. “And uncle Ben and aunt May, dude… They couldn’t cook for shit.” He laughed, remembering Aunt May’s date loaf, which was probably the worst thing he had ever tasted in his life.

“Well, now I feel obligated to feed you properly,” Tony announced, and Peter quickly shook his head, feeling his face grow red for the hundredth time that night.

“Oh, no, you don’t need to, I wasn’t–”

“I want to, if I’m your only source of good, homemade food, then I’m taking this seriously, kitten.” He pointed a fork at him as he spoke. “And you can help me cook, what do you say? That way I can teach you a thing or two so you won’t starve to death.” Again, the idea that Tony wanted to cook for him was too sweet. He was an incredibly busy guy who probably didn’t even cook for himself, but he was willing to waste that kind of time on Peter. It just–

“Sounds amazing.” He smiled, nodding, and the older man’s face softened when their eyes met.

“Good.” He took a sip of wine and topped off both of their glasses. “Did you tell your friends you were coming here today?” That seemed like a polite way to ask if they knew about him, and Peter wasn’t sure what kind of answer he was expecting.

“No, they think I’m home.” He watched the man’s face, waiting for his reaction, but there was none, so Peter felt like he should explain himself further. “After my ex – they’re just a little too overprotective, so, you know. I just don’t want them to worry.” Tony raised his eyebrows and Peter’s eyes widened, realizing what that might have sounded like. “Not that I think you’re my – that we’re – I mean, I’m not assuming anything, I just meant –“

“Hey, it’s okay, I know what you mean.” He reached across the table to squeeze one of his shaking hands. “Your friends sound like good people, by the way. You’re lucky to have them.”

“Thanks.” Tony smoothly changed the subject and started talking about his summers with his grandmother and how she taught him everything he knew about cooking. He said that was the reason why his repertoire consisted only of comfort food and Peter thought that was the sweetest thing he had learned about him so far.

Once dinner was done with, Tony kept his promise and gave him a tour. The place looked like a labyrinth made of glass and steel, there were five floors, several rooms with various purposes, but everything seemed sterile and impersonal, like nobody ever stepped foot in any of those places, which somehow made them look lifeless and even a little scary – like a ghost town of sorts. Peter couldn’t help but think that his tiny, mostly empty apartment felt more like a home than all five floors of Tony’s.

Well, all except for one.

“And this is the workshop,” Tony declared with a flourish when the glass doors slid open, revealing a wide, open space filled with worktables, holographic screens, robots, cars, Iron Man suits, and so many other things he had never seen before in his life. “Sorry about the mess.” He didn’t sound sorry, though, he sounded happy and proud, and Peter thought it was the only place in the penthouse that felt weirdly cozy and homey. To his relief – and secret disappointment –, there were no pictures of him in lingerie hanging on the walls.

“This is amazing…” Peter breathed out, realizing that that was Tony’s actual home. There was even a kitchenette in a corner, and next to it there was a small, cozy couch in front of a reasonably sized TV and a fluffy rug. He supposed Tony took naps there, too, because there was also a blanket draped over the back of the couch.

He walked over there, followed closely by the older man, and took a seat, sinking into the soft pillows.

“I think this is my favorite room.” He blinked up at Tony, who regarded him silently for a few moments, and Peter started to think he had fucked up again. “What?” He whispered, but his answer came in the form of a kiss. He immediately melted into it, all worries flying out the window as he opened his mouth to taste him better.

Tony pushed him gently until he was lying on the couch with his larger body on top of him, and he’d be lying if he said that wasn’t the best feeling in the world.

It was a tight fit, but they made it work, as pieces of clothes were thrown to a pile on the floor; as skin met skin and made the room feel unbearably hot; as hands explored and mouths danced together and teeth left secret claiming marks on eager necks; as he felt, once again, full and sate and whole, and then spent and lax and dazed in the best of ways.

Suddenly, what had been frantic and passionate became slow and soft, what had been loud and messy became quiet and wholesome.

The room was silent then, as their bodies slowly cooled down. Tony was lying on his back on the couch and Peter was lying on top of him, chests flush together, breathing in and out in sync. He felt a blanket being draped over his shoulders and he all but melted into the body underneath him.

“Can I ask you a question?” He whispered quietly into Tony’s neck, after several minutes, not sure if the older man had fallen asleep, his breathing was slow and constant.

“Baby, you could ask me anything right now, there’s no way I’d say no to you.” He answered right away and Peter giggled, pushing himself up on Tony’s chest to look down at him.

“Why did you want to meet me? For real?” Tony, whose eyes had been closed until that moment, opened them to gaze at him. He was quiet for a while, as one of his hands found the small of Peter’s back under the blanket and started rubbing circles on his skin.

“I liked talking to you.” He answered quietly, eyes locked on his. At first, Peter thought that was all the answer he was getting, and he would have been fine with that, but Tony kept talking. “You made me feel alive again.” His heart raced and his breath hitched in shock. He blinked down at the older man, who raised his free hand to tuck some of Peter’s curls behind his ear. “You see, things were… rough. After Thanos.” He remembered the funny story Tony told him in the restaurant a few nights earlier and was surprised to see such grief in the man’s eyes. “I had these nightmares. Anxiety attacks. Couldn’t sleep most nights.”

Peter reached out and ran a finger across the man’s forehead, trying to smooth down the frown that had formed there. Tony smiled, grabbing that hand to give it a little kiss.

“Pepper wanted me to give up the suit for good, said it was killing me and she wouldn’t stand by and watch it happen. On top of that, my relationship with some of the Avengers was strained, to say the least. I thought retiring from the Avengers would be enough to solve most of my problems, but I was wrong and everything just kind of snowballed from there. So what I mean to say is that by the time I met you, I was… Fucking exhausted.”

“Tony...” He frowned, heart clenching, because he could hear the pain in the man’s voice and how much he meant every word and it was devastating.

“I looked forward to talking to you every night, you know. Still do. I don’t why you got under my skin like that, but you did. So when I said I needed to meet you, I meant I needed to meet you.” He smiled and Peter’s heart skipped a beat. The whole confession was almost too much to handle, too much to believe. At the same time, he knew what Tony meant because he had also been in a very dark place when they met and, somehow, talking to him brought some light back into his life. “My turn?”

“Sure.” Peter smiled, entwining his fingers on Tony’s chest and resting his chin on top of them, looking at the older man’s face.

“It’s okay if you don’t want to answer, I have a feeling this might be a bit of a touchy subject for you.” He cautioned, and Peter gulped. He knew what was coming and he thought about not answering, but Tony had been honest with him, so he took a deep breath and nodded.

“O-okay.”

“How did you end up doing porn? Not that it’s bad or anything, you just sounded so uncomfortable the other night... Like you’re ashamed of it, or regretful.” Tony asked carefully, one of his hands was still rubbing soothing circles on the skin of his back.

“Hm… Well. It’s complicated. I guess the short answer is: I was young and dumb and my older boyfriend convinced me it was a good idea. Then he left me and took all the money and everything we’ve ever built with him and – and now the only thing I know how to do is porn, so… Yeah.” It was a very short version of what happened, but very accurate as well. Tony frowned, raising an eyebrow.

“What do you mean he took everything?”

“He told me to pack a bag and leave. Whatever I couldn’t fit in my bag stayed behind, as well as the social media accounts, the channel, the money… He locked me out of everything.” Peter’s voice grew weaker as he spoke, because he felt so fucking ashamed. Of everything. Of admitting he let a man like Quentin into his life, that he made so many terrible decisions just so he could stay with him, only to be treated like that in the end. It was fucking humiliating.

Tony sat up in a haste, forcing him to do the same, until they were both facing each other on the couch. The older man’s eyes were wide, he looked so shocked it was almost funny. Almost.

“Peter, that’s – why – wait, and what do you mean he convinced you to do porn? Is it not something that you want to do?” Peter dropped his gaze for a second, not really sure what the true answer to that question was. If he was honest with himself, most times he just avoided thinking too much about what he was doing.

“Well… I don’t hate it anymore, I guess,” he settled on that, after a few minutes of silence. “Sometimes I even enjoy it now, like… Like when we talk,” he mumbled the last part, raising his eyes again to look into Tony’s warm ones, and the older man looked back at him with – what? Worry? Regret? Guilt?

“So you hated it? Before?” He insisted, and Peter knew he could still choose not to answer if he wanted to, Tony wouldn’t force it out of him, but still – Peter wanted to tell him. He wanted Tony to know.

To know him. All of him. Even the parts that hurt.

“I did.” He whispered, holding back the tears that filled his eyes when the confession left his lips, because that was something that he never wanted to acknowledge. It took all he had to hold Tony’s gaze and not look away in shame. “I just felt… kinda shitty sometimes. Like… I wasn’t even human, just an object to be used and abused and disposed of.” He continued, swallowing a lump in his throat. He couldn’t read Tony’s expression, but his eyes were gentle as always, there was no judgment there. “I didn’t feel like my body belonged to me anymore.” Saying that aloud came almost as a surprise to Peter himself. He always tried so hard not to think about those feelings he almost believed they didn’t really exist, even though they were always there at the back of his mind.

“Pete...” Tony cupped his face in both of his hands, he looked so torn, it almost made Peter regret telling him.

“I’m doing okay now, I promise. I’m in control of my body, my choices, my money. I’m fine now, really,” he vowed and Tony pulled his head closer and pressed their lips together – it wasn’t even a kiss, just a caress.

“I can help you.” He offered with determination, holding his face in his hands, looking straight into his eyes and they were burning with anger, but Peter knew it wasn’t directed to him. “I can help you get everything back, I can make his life a living hell for doing that to you, I can –“

“Please, don’t,” He winced, shaking his head firmly, lifting his hands to hold Tony’s wrists, feeling his pulse and how fast his heart was beating. “Okay? It’s in the past. It’s over now. I don’t want to – relive it, I just want to forget.” His heart raced when the older man closed his eyes and started shaking his head. “Tony?”

“Peter, you can’t ask me to –“

“I am asking you leave it alone.” He insisted, a little desperately, but Tony’s face was locked in a frown and panic started creeping up on him. He couldn’t bear to think about confronting Beck, having to see him again, maybe talk to him again, he just wanted to move on, to forget he ever existed. His eyes burned and he closed them, trying to get his breath under control, but he could feel his hands shaking. “Please, please, don’t make me –“

“Hey, no, no, no.” Tony gathered him in his arms, rubbing his shoulders in a soothing way. “I’m sorry, no, I would never force you to do anything, okay? It’s your choice.” He cupped his face in his hands again, peppering kisses on his cheeks and forehead. Peter started calming down slowly, and even laughed a little when the man’s beard tickled his nose. “You know that I see you, right? And I mean I see you, Peter Parker, not the persona in the videos or the pictures, and you sure seem pretty fucking human to me, kid. You know that, right?” Tony kept holding his head in between his hands, forcing Peter to look back at him, which wasn’t necessary, he couldn’t look away if he tried.

He smiled, nodding slowly, leaning in to kiss his lips. The older man lay back down, pulling him along, until they were back to their original position. He rested his head on Tony’s chest and closed his eyes, sighing in relief.

He felt Tony wrap his arms around his waist, holding him tight, and he thought to himself that if heaven looked like Tony making breakfast in the morning and tasted like his cooking in the evening, it certainly felt like holding him at night.

-x-

Tag list (please let me know if you’d like to be added or removed from the list): @sadachmesarthim @iamnotparticularlyproud @staticwhispersinthedark @bluestarker

Sorry for the long chapter, guys, it really got away from me 🥴 Only four more chapters to goo ✨✨

#starker #peter parker x tony stark

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