#he's my blorbo ever etc. etc. <3

[ichijokaoru]

url change: inspectorichijou -> ichijokaoru

ok i decided even if it's ichijo without the u i do wanna use this url so yippee

[pirateborn-a]

Feeling so normal ab cowboy au for roger except its rly just the usual V normal just slightly to the left bc this man translates So well as a cowboy—

[uchihaharlot]

Hello! I hope you are fine <3🤲💗

I wanted to ask you about some Uchiha HCs as parents (especially Shisui haha). Idk, things like "How they would react if their Y/N told them they were going to be parents" or "How many children would they have if they had them and how would they treat them?"

🥹 mmm Shisui. Yes. 🙌🏻 Since I’m in a fog, I’ll choose Obito and Shisui — I will probably add more later and reblog then. Focusing more on Shisui though.

(I sort of expanded on this a bit. Leading up to birth etc).

Suggestive themes — mostly N/SFW; pregnancy reactions; and some other cute shit idk how to categorize. Ok yea, I went a bit crazy on Shisui, he’s my blorbo.

Obito:

• Even if it’s planned, he’s going to spiral. It worked on the first time? Duh, Uchiha. Really just stupid luck.

• ‘Already?’ — Obito; ‘….I mean…that’s what happens when you have sex..’ — her. She’s so patient though with him.

• Obito will spend the next few days not necessarily moping, but in minor distress. The whole thing about having a baby this soon, even though it was planned. Has really got him thinking.

• ‘I need to get my shit together.’ He’s not wrong, but they’re not in a bad place. All the financial matters were sorted out before she even went off the pill. She’s going to spend a lot of time easing his worries when he should be settling hers.

• He thinks they can’t have sex anymore 😂 ‘I’ll hurt the baby.’ This woman will have to coax him to satisfy her needs and being hormonal, he’s going to get scared and cave.

• Every time she’s sick, he’s sick. lol. Obito is one of those husbands that are sympathy ill when their wife is unwell, pregnant or not. Though the morning sickness he had worse than her.

• When she actually starts showing, the tables are turned. Obito can’t keep his hands off her. This is amazing! ‘I put that in you…’ —🫠 👈🏻 her. Yea, he did, that big dummy stuffed her good.

• When she is too big to do anything for herself, Obito takes center stage in everything. He matured rather quickly, strange how the prospect of becoming a dad alters an individual.

• 😅 Hit it from the back too rough and ultimately the orgasm she had made her go into labor (I know this is false advertisement but it’s Obito, he’s that guy).

• Nearly passes out as his wife is sprawled up on the stirrups, looks anyways and dear lord, ‘are you recording this?’ She says. Yea, he is. Unintentionally the sharingan populates and he might as well.

• Holds his son for the first time and cries. I think most men do, he’s the most precious thing in this world. Obito didn’t think he could ever make up for what he did in the past, but this one human. This tiny, itty bitty baby boy might just be his Hail Mary. That he could even bring something so good into the world makes him soften even more.

Shisui:

• Family man. 100%. They’ve been trying, and it’s not taking. Not because they’re incapable of it, both healthy and young. He’s just so busy. The days they end up trying don’t line up with her cycle and I mean they’re not just going to not have sex. Any chance he gets to put a bit of him and a little Uchiha inside her are precious moments.

• Firm believer in holding her legs up for a half hour 😂 ‘it has to marinate.’ Big eye rolls from his wife, who just lets him do things his way. After a few months, she finally begs him to just take a week off when she’s the most susceptible of his seed taking root.

• The mere idea that she is rearing and ready to go has Shisui taking his wife at the most unexpected of times. Maybe a week off was a good idea. Needless to say, the house chores are piling up. She wasn’t particularly fond of being shoved head first in the dryer either.

• ‘Making baby is the fun part…’ is his excuse when she chides him for it. Dear lord, this man shooting blanks and still trying.

• Then the unimaginable is announced, well not unimaginable but it felt like too long to actually confirm they were successful. Shisui from this point forward makes sure his pregnant wife gets everything she wants and then some.

• There is no shock period. This was all planned, Shisui is eternally grateful that his wife will be ushering their next of kin into the world. All the hard work is on her now and he is going to make sure she is treated like royalty.

• Though he questions some of her cravings, ‘…really? Ok….’ He won’t judge her, but goddamn it’s not something he’d eat.

• Copious amounts of pampering. Spends ridiculous amounts of money to have her swollen feet pedicured once a month, if she doesn’t want that he will do it himself. Her care is nonnegotiable and she is getting big with life inside of her! She needs some reprieve from the constant drain on her body.

• We aren’t even going to lie, they pretty much have sex up until the baby is born, though not like how Obito did. It’s maybe twice a week, which is less often but enough. If she’s not in the mood for it herself, she would offer to relieve him. Though he might feel guilty, so he would just use his mouth in return if she wasn’t opposed to something less invasive on her aching body. She’ll agree, Shisui is talented in those regards.

• She was making tea in the kitchen when her water broke, Shisui was out on a mission!!! She had to get Itachi to send word of bird and less than an hour he’s back. Exhausted and tired, he made it for the birth. He knew that he shouldn’t have taken that mission but she was adamant he do what he felt necessary for their village. Such a understanding woman!

• Is planting kisses to her forehead, cheeks and lips whenever she starts pushing. Holds one of her legs when the baby is finally crowning, and watches the miracle of birth. The fruit of their passion and love is wayfered into this big world. So beautiful and precious. A son, I often hc Shisui would name his first son Kagami. (I’m pretty sure the series alluded them being related).

• 🥹🥹🥹🥹 👈🏻 shisui 👉🏻 🥴😴 his wife after labor. He is wholly enamored at the tiny being in his arms. Takes the time to figure out which features their baby got from who. Undoubtedly this kid has his mop head of curls. Her nose and eye color, his eye shape and ears. 100% them.

[gothamcityneedsme]

Do you think some Mikado citizens ever figured out they could get their original works published as long as they threw King Aquila in there somewhere? And how much of it was actually fanfiction about Aquila, Mikado's state-designated blorbo? It'd be really funny if Aquila also got "and he'll return in Mikado's darkest hour" like King Arthur. Like technically he did!

@thonkphonk

OK......... THE FAERIE QUEENE IS AN INTEREST OF MINE. I read Books 3 and 4 for a class called 'Violence and Romance in Renaissance Literature'. We spent a lot of time on it, because iirc the only other thing we read in the class at all was some Shakespeare. So it was actually mostly a class on the Faerie Queen books 3 and 4 lol (and all of my papers were on the Faerie Queene instead of Shakespeare lol).

The whole deal with the Faerie Queene is that the titular Queene is the goal of King Arthur's quest, and yet Arthur himself only has cameos in the stories because he is the 'main plot' where all the books have different main characters (and focuses on elaborating on various virtues that each main knight upholds--Arthur is the perfect knight, who extols all virtues, whereas all the characters in the books exist to define specific virtues--ex: Britomart represents Chastity, Artegall represents Justice, etc). And Spenser never actually finished the Faerie Queene, which is why Arthur's quest never gets full attention.

To apply this to SMTIV would be extremely fun.

Absolutely I could see so many stories about King Aquila's times. Especially since Mikado is trapped in this sort of medieval stone-age ('holy times' as viewed by angels) so its not even like stories about Aquila would be dated, it would be so easy to write stories of modern times with Aquila present. Or, even easier, would be his inclusion in these 'fairy-stories' the Luxurors know.

Aquila means so much to people despite having lived so long ago, I would assume his knights are known the same way Arthur's are (with people inventing new knights all the time, as with Arthurian legends as well). So people would toss Aquila into all this often while writing their own stories about the various knights (with a focus on those knights because, like Arthur's presentation in the Faerie Queene, Aquila would be the 'perfect' character, meaning that the stories are more interesting if they can be about the flaws of the others).

But 100% Aquila would always come in to save the day, or to approve of the resolution the story reaches, etc. I am so on board with that idea.

That being said, this would mean the angels likely erase much of this when they take over Mikado, Aquila' name remains on the Obelisk, but his statue is destroyed, so I imagine many of these books are just straight up burned. A few would survive though, less objectionable ones,but the angels hate the influence Aquila still has on the people, and how he is still venerated.

Also you are SO RIGHT about the 'once and future' thing. Like. This has no support in the game because the game is so nebulous about Nanashi's birth, but I do somewhat theorize he was born in Mikado? He's literally just found in Sky Tower, so I'm like, okay was he born there and brought down somehow? I would KILL to know anything about this because like. Ok, they found a baby. How did they find him? In the hands of a demon, dead humans, or just like, on the ground? Hello? Can I have some information please?

But I've always assumed Nanashi was born in Mikado and then SOMETHING was a reason for him to be carried below, and then discovered. Because like. we don't even know why the HUNTERS were in Sky Tower--most people knew about Medusa back then and wouldn't want to go, and people even assume Medusa works for Tayama (which is false--I theorize she worked for Akira but that isn't confirmed anywhere). but if people just assumed the Sky Tower was controlled by the Ashura-kai, I don't know why anyone would approach--they KNOW Medusa kills everyone up there.

and Nanashi of course is randomly discovered after Medusa is there, he's only born well after Akira establishes Mikado, so the Hunters have long-withdrawn from Sky Tower and like. what. is happening.

But yeah a prophecy about Aquila's return and somehow that also including the need for Nanashi to go below rather than above, there's some sect of people somewhere that know something, this is just, one of those many holes left open in the SMTIV world. so we are free to make theories and headcanons and I am so with it.

Thank you for sending this, this was so fun omg. I went on a bit of a ramble.

[markpakin]

tag game ✨

i was tagged by my beloved esme @itsallaboutbl, thank you!!

1. why did you choose your url?

i'm in love with him HAHAHAH he's the best

2. any sideblogs? if you have them, name them and why you have them.

i have two kpop blogs @kimjaehan and @joyirene, and a cottage blog for comfort etc @rinscottage <3

3. how long have you been on tumblr?

since i was 12 which was 2008. omg.

4. do you have a queue tag?

not a special one, just #q.

5. why did you start your blog in the first place?

this one is a space for me to be crazy on main about my gay little blorbos :D

6. why did you choose your icon/pfp?

bc he is everything to me genuinely one of the characters of all time

7. why did you choose your header?

every day i think about 'i cannot reach you' rooftop scene so that's my header bc i want to look at their hands forever and ever

8. what is your post with the most notes?

it's from my old blog but it's a gifset of king from bed friend getting railed :D

9. how many mutuals do you have?

idk how to find that out dkfhds

10. how many followers do you have?

on this blog i just hit 350! which is bonkers bc i'm the worst most inconsistent irritating little fucker known to man dfkjhd also it's a newish blog so wow, i sincerely appreciate u guys though <3

11. how many people do you follow?

200 i think ksjfk last time i checked!!

12. have you ever made a shitpost?

i think in all my time on tumblr i probably have but i don't remember

13. how often do you use tumblr each day?

literally all day skdfhks i check it so much

14. did you have a fight/argument with another blog once?

no omg i'm too shy but my sister did call someone a cunt on my behalf one time bc they were harrassing me omg that was a while ago now

15. how do you feel about 'you need to reblog this' posts?

i don't like being pressured into reblogging things but i understand why people create them, i just reblog the things i want to.

16. do you like tag games?

i LIVE for them they're so much fun omg when i get tagged in games i get so happy

17. do you like ask games?

they're fine but i'm shy so it takes me a while to answer bc i get nervous about saying smth dumb

18. which of your mutuals do you think is tumblr famous?

omg mona @thitiponqs, which is so well deserved bc she makes fantastic content and is inspo for a lot of other gifmakers on tumblr <3

19. do you have a crush on a mutual?

all of them omg but notably @sanvees, @benzatthanin, @cankersoregirl, @zhouxiangs, @itsallaboutbl, @patchanons, @sherrymagic, @chersoyei, @bibimbinge, @pharawee, @blmpff, @puppy-phum.. the list goes on and on like i genuinely love everyone so much i could list my entire following list sjhfkds

20. tags?

everyone i mentioned in question 19, consider yourselves tagged <3

[harlstiel]

Ships with Stiles that I enjoy | RANKED

1 : Stisaac

Stiles/Isaac

My favorite. 10/10. The DRAMA, but also the shared trauma, they're perfect. Sure it's a BIT toxic but it's a guilty pleasure, what can I say.

2 : Stalia

Stiles/Malia

Only lower on the list BECAUSE Malia should've had SO much more mental development before going into a relationship. But they were cute, 10/10

3 : Stydia

Stiles/Lydia

Only third because of how FUCKING LONG IT TOOK. AND HOW LITTLE WE ENDED UP GETTING. Jeff Davis can go suck a wrinkly dry hairy testicle. Still 10/10

4 : Stira

Stiles/Kira

HEAR ME OUT. They would geek out so much together its NOT even fucking funny. They're both socially awkward nerds that ramble and I live for it. 10 out of fucking 10. Prefer Malira tho...

5 : Sterica

Stiles/Erica

Low-key wanted this to happen for a bit. Maybe not permanently because I always saw the both of them to be more bisexual types but they would've been cute. Also I can't remember where the whole "Batman" "Catwoman" nicknames came from but it is my only life support rn. 9.5/10

6 : Sterek

Stiles/Derek

My favorite blorbo Derek Hale. I didn't get the hype with this ship when I first started watching, but then I kept seeing things in this show that made me wonder, "Jeff, was this intentional?" Bc they're so very gay with each other. Alas, age gaps are an iffy thing for me personally due to my own personal traumas, but I still love them. 9.5/10

7 : Stora

Stiles/Cora

Cute, could've happened, not mad that it didn't, but def a wasted opportunity on Jeff Davis' part. Solid 8/10.

8 : Stanny

Stiles/Danny

This was definitely more of a humor thing but I liked the idea of these two together from the get-go. In my opinion, there was definitely a little crush on Stiles' part and I love that. 8/10

9 : Sciles

Scott/Stiles

I changed my mind about this one because I went down a rabbit hole of Sciles and Allisciles stuff and I just. You read a fic so well written and see the most beautiful piece of art and all of a sudden you're binge reading every. Last. Fic in the tag, yk? SOLID 8/10

(Their parents are also an otp of mine. Noah and Melissa are perfect together and the best thing I've ever experienced)

Reasons

For not including other ships.

Steo : I am a Thiam shipper through and through. And Theo did things to Stiles that doesn't even make enemies to lovers valid in my opinion. IK he got a redemption arc and he was being manipulated since he was a child but STILL. I love Theo but he's not the one (for Stiles, anyway🤭).

Any ship with him and an adult ; ie, Peter, Chris, Parrish etc. : Do I even have to explain this one? I mean REALLY?

Stiam : They are like Mother and Child to me and I will take that to my GRAVE.

Stackson : Last season-T.W. Movie Jackson MAYBE but early seasons Jackson was a toxic mf who loved NOBODY but himself based on how he treated Lydia.

(Pointed out by a commenter) Stallison : I actually never knew people shipped this and didn't know it was a thing until now. After this was pointed out, I began to see the appeal and I read some Allison/Scott/Stiles fics and now I'm hooked. (Wish I knew about it beforehand tbh 😅)

Pretty sure I covered evertyhing, but if I missed someone, let me know!

[fumifooms]

oh, sorry for so many asks, i also wanted to say too though i really agree so much with your chilchuck thoughts so far, even down to your personal headcanons about how things might go post-series. and you're absolutely right, i'll defend that little guy any day myself. you understand him so well and it's kind of relaxing to have someone else dish out this kind of analysis and already agree with all of it cus it's just so real, so thank you again for the Meal <- perhaps the perfect thing to say about dungeon meshi analysis when i think about it

i know you have playlists and stuff so i wanted to share a song i've been listening to that that reminds me of him: divine loser by clem turner

No worries, they’ve been a lot of fun! I do plan on getting back to each one btw, just gotta get through some other things first hopefully. Aaaah that’s really nice to hear 🥺 I do know the feeling haha, it’s always fun to have posts that Get It that you just nod along with 🤝 I’ve thought sooo much about Chilchuck I rotate him in my brain like rotisserie chicken more often than not, glad it all ended up being productive haha. Y’know recently my friends have been calling me a Chilchuck superfan/scholar jokingly and it actually made me have a realization moment of…

Bc I’ve always said Laios was my fave and like, he does mean everything to me idk if I’ve ever felt so seen as with Laios, I relate to him sooo much, but then. Okay alright that can be a different thing than a character being your favorite fine FINE I admit it Chilchuck’s my top blorbo. He’s so.🧍‍♂️I can’t even describe. He’s so….. He’s a clown but he’s also perfection in its best imperfect form I will not be taking further questions today. My friend called him my silly rabbit like that one meme and it makes me laugh sm

Thank you for the music rec!! I listened to it and yes agreed, sent straight to my Chil playlist. Songs are my bread and butter when I have character brainrot bc like with web weavings I feel like there are so many emotions and thoughts you can communicate about something so simply through one… (Which for anyone interested here’s my web weaving tag, got 2 about Chil). Gonna link all my dunmeshi playlists while I’m here: Dungeon Meshi, Chilchuck & his wife, marchil, Mithrun.

Ok everyone saw this coming but this ask ran away from me and I ramble about some song lyrics I associate with Chil & different facets of his life below the cut. Some people find my, ehem, heated rambles about Chil entertaining, this is your cue to get out the popcorn.

When thinking about songs for Chil I have 3 angles I take: About Chilchuck, about him and his wife, or about him & Marcille. Marchil is so engraved into me with their arcs together, that they’re like the concept of closure and letting go and letting yourself live again to me, sorry for all the non-enjoyers…

I think currently my top song for him is Jackrabbit by San Fermin, because it combines all three it makes me go wild. It’s about trepidation… Throwing yourself into it even despite the fear (working with traps, survival in poverty where you have to rush & hustle), or just staying there paralyzed(not reaching out to his wife). Flight or freeze!! Saying goodbyes and saying hellos!! Not dying alone!! The life cycle of a wild rabbit living and dying, the baton pass race of life from generation to generation!! Chil and his daughters even!!! Going through life at a frenzied pace!! It is so Chilchuck and so marchil, and the music does give that hurried and scared energy to me too, and sigh the Marcille side to it with fear of death too…

Extra fun context but the other day on the discord server we were talking about what animal each character’s fursona would be as we do and I thought of a rabbit for Chilchuck: Quick footed, ‘cowardly’, small and frail and seen as weak 🙃, athletic and slender, pulls stunts, stressed out, has very fine hearing and has good instincts, etc. And ofc that fits really well with Marcille since she’s kinda associated with dungeon rabbits hehe~ But I think while Marcille’s 100% the cute round rabbit Chil’s more like a brown hare, more wild and like, more like a jackalope if we’re still doing monsters... I do lowkey find it more fun than his associated monster being mimics because he’s crabby, because they’re clever (with where they place themselves) and because of how he has a soft shell but soft insides, lol.

OKAY so that’s my song pick with the main 3 facets sure, now I’ll share some lyrics for each 3 sides separatedly 😈 Kinda summarizing my web weavings for him thus far. If we start with Chilchuck by himself we have… Enter One by Shelby Merry and Drunk by The Living Tombstone

With his wife, we have the bad end, and the good end for if they get back together with Lost Kitten by Metric and North by Sleeping At Last… Okay okay plus Love Like Ghosts and My Heart is Buried in Venice… Little Soldier by The Crane Wives for them also RUIN me

And Marchil… Marchil oh my beloved. Another buddy also made a full analysis on discord about Soap by The Oh Hellos for them lol, but these are Not I by I Fight Dragons and My Heart is Buried in Venice again~

Okay okay two more. Boats & Birds by Gregory and The Hawk, and Tummy by Tamino.

Finishing it up with quotes from, in order, A Softer World by Joey Comeau, Crime and Punishment by Fyodor Dostoevsky, Acknowledgements by Danez Smith, The Letter by Richard Paul Evans, and last but not least posts from dead tumblr account flintcoded. I keep looking around and finding MORE fitting quotes. Someone stop me- In loving me you hold a knife at my throat, in loving you I tell you exactly where to cut. Forgive me, memory is a rope around my neck. I need you to be happy, I need one of us to be happy.

Hand in unlovable hand…

In conclusion;

[klausinamarink]

writers 20 questions

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

45 at the moment! I have a few more wips to post on the way so the number is going to go higher

2. What's your total AO3 word count?

130,657

3. What fandoms do you write for?

Stranger Things. I’m looking to branch to other fandoms though like The Locked Tomb in the future

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

Standup, You’re Never Too Much, Recapturing the Sunset, Just Another Flesh Wound, One Kid Gone, Another Up and Vanished

5. Do you respond to comments?

Yes!! But not always as sometimes I immediately forget to reply and when I do, it’s a few weeks or a month later skkshdk forgive me

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

Biting Back in Anger. It’s Eddie having a bad day and blowing up at Steve, who leaves trying not to cry :)

7. What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

uhhh most of my fics have happy endings but I think I can nominate The Tinsel Tradition. It has Steve, Eddie, and Robin building a home together in NYC, healed and happy in every queer way!

8. Do you get hate on fics?

nope, thank god

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

I’ve been writing more smut recently and exploring some areas. I’m honestly gotten more comfortable though it’s still a challenge to get the right words without coming off as awkward lmao. but that’s Phil’s (@theheadlessphilosopher) job 🫶💜

10. Do you write crossovers?

I’m more of a fusion au writer who borrows the setting and elements and places my blorbos in there than a straight-up crossover. Unless that counts as a crossover? Those two terms are kinds confusing sometimes..

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not that I’m aware of.

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

No

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

There are a couple folks who played around this idea with me but nothing concrete. Though I guess Phil’s beta work can count because he writes better lines and scenarios than me

14. What's your all-time favorite ship?

You’re asking me, a Steddie blog—

15. What's a WIP you want to finish but doubt you will?

oof. I have a TLOU steddie wip based on resande’s sketches, but it’s looking unlikely to be done because the person looking it as my beta reader over got busy with other things and I’ve lost the writing juice 😔

16. What are your writing strengths?

Many people tell me that I am very visceral with my descriptions, esp with horror, and setting the tension is top-notch 🥰 (I am a freak who loves gore and blood tehehehehe)

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

I have too many ideas and a problem to actually write what I want that it comes off as juvenile to me. I also have a tendency to gloss over the editing of my fic which I’m trying to break out of.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

I honestly don’t mind it at all. However, I do get taken right out of the story if the language is written literally (like kanji for Japanese, Cyrillic for Russian, etc.) and not romanized when the character is speaking because that’s not how it works

19. First fandom you wrote for?

Warrior Cats. We all started our writing careers from that series at some point in middle school lol

20. Favorite fic you've written?

Noooo, I can’t pick favourites- I love them all equally. But FINE, I’ll say it would be When Life Gives You Pickles, Make It Into Soup. I wrote this as mostly self-indulgent because I LOVE pickle soup and is the best comfort food of all time. I think anyone making soup in general for their significant other if PEAK relationship goals because who doesn’t love soup?? Of course I had to Steddie-ify it

thanks to Devon for tagging me! Tagging others with no pressure: @thefreakandthehair @pearynice @3minsover @penny00dreadful @chaosgremlinmunson

@cranberrymoons @dies-somniator

[midknightwritings]

I already read your Knights shimeji fic and just finished reading the Valkyrie one..(Loved it a lot<33)

If it’s alright with you, can you please make one for Switch?

I (desperately) want to have them just crawl and walk around my screen but unfortunately no one made one for them 🥲

I can just imagine Natsume doing little magic tricks on screen to impress us

Sora somehow able to see our “color” and maybe comfort us when we’re feeling down

And Tsumugi..Idk..Just doing normal Tsumugi things

Switch as shimeji buddies !!

Synopsis : What would the members of Switch be like as your little shimeji buddies ??

Era : N / A

Warning/s : N / A

Mentioned Character/s : G/N!Reader / Natsume / Sora / Tsumugi

A/N : Uwaaa Anon thank you so much !! I’m really happy that you liked them 🥺 [ Happy Ele needs to get on this like... Right now... Please give the people what we want 😭 ] BUT YOU’RE SO RIGHT WITH ALL OF THOSE ANON AAAA MY HEART THEY’RE SO CUTEEEE~ *offers you the precious blorbos in shimeji form*

•❅───✧❅✦❅✧───❅•

Natsume Sakasaki :

Natsume’s definitely the type to do little magic tricks in order to impress you. Not only that, but he would purposefully not show them all in one go so, if he ever notices that you’re feeling overwhelmed or just down in general, he would show you “new” tricks in order to make you smile !! He hates seeing you sad or stressed [ even if he might not outright say it. ]

He’s surprisingly really good at protecting your computer against viruses !! This is because he would often take them and use them in his own magic spells before they could do any sort of damage. Sometimes, he would even study the viruses so that he can develop a spell against it. So rest assured, your system is always safe !!

If you play video games, he’ll definitely partner up with you !! Oh? Does that game only have a singleplayer option? Fret not, Natsume has a totally legit version that just so happens to have a multiplayer option !! Huh, what are the odds? Now you can play together <3

On the topic of video games, Natsume can be a total trash talker. If you don’t trash talk yourself, he’ll do it for you !! You better have restricted his access to your microphone because he will unmute just to trash talk the enemy in any sort of competitive match. Do you trash talk yourself? Doesn’t matter, because he will still instigate it. So now you’re both trash talking your opponents together. This doesn’t only apply to multiplayer though, even in singleplayer games, you’ll both trash talk the enemy as if they could hear you in the first place.

He loves to just chat with you in general !! Whether it's about your assignments or any other mundane topic, you and Natsume would often have such long conversations that they tend to last the entire night if you don’t watch the clock closely !! Though, you both never regret when that happens because you enjoy each other’s company~ 10/10, will pull an all nighter again <3

Natsume’s also willing to give you feedback on assignments if you ever need help. His feedback may come off as harsh sometimes but please don’t get discouraged !! This is just his way of saying that he knows you can do better~ Even with all that though, he’ll gladly stay by your side and guide you through the steps, or help you with any research if you’re struggling.

He’s so serious when it comes to helping you that he would often shut himself in one of your folders and work endlessly just so that he can provide you with the necessary things you needed !! Did you need sources for your paper? Here you go !! Natsume found different types, ranging from websites, PDFs to actual reports, all alphabetically ordered in a work cited document in the most recent citation style you’re using. Sometimes he might get a little too absorbed in his research, so you have to drag him out of the folder yourself to make sure he’s not overworking himself <3

He also loves to tease you, so don’t be surprised when he uses nicknames such as kitten, etc. In fact, you should get used to it because he will never stop no matter how many times you ask him to. Natsume finds your reaction to his nicknames to be quite entertaining and cute too~

If you give him any sort of affection, prepare your heart because he will reciprocate in a teasing way~ You drew a heart with your cursor? He’ll cast a spell that creates a heart on your screen !! Pet his head? He’ll pet your cursor back~ Natsume would always pretend that your show of affection doesn’t affect him [ but internally, he’s hoping that you can’t hear how fast his heart is beating. ]

Don’t be surprised if you notice an increase in shortcuts in your computer. Natsume created them all with the hopes of making your workflow a lot more convenient and just hassle-free in general~ Huh… Since when were you able to undo that setting? Wait what ?! You can duplicate that specific setup from one app and transfer it to another? How convenient <3 [ If you ask him if all the shortcuts were his doing, he’ll deny it and say that you must’ve missed those commands in your computer's terms and conditions. Natsume’s grateful that you didn’t actually read said terms and conditions otherwise his lie would crumble in an instant~ ]

•❅───✧❅✦❅✧───❅•

Sora Harukawa :

He’s a very active little fellow !! You can see him parkouring around your desktop by climbing up the sides of your screen and jumping across the various windows and tabs you have open~ Through this, he would often help you re-organize them to make navigation easier for the both of you !!

He uses his parkour skills to help search for any missing files you may need and he’s quick with it too !! Oh? You can’t remember where you saved that very important essay? Don’t worry !! Sora found it for you and it’s right here in Sora’s tiny hands~

Sora absolutely adores your colour and wouldn’t hesitate to tell you that every time he sees you !! He tries his absolute best to cheer you up and comfort you whenever you’re feeling down as he doesn’t like seeing you sad or stressed. Sora would always drop whatever he’s doing in order to help you through whatever you’re struggling with <3 He’s a very keen listener, and doesn’t mind hearing you ramble or vent about your troubles. You’re someone important to him after all !! He’ll make sure that you’re smiling again in a jiffy !!

Having Sora as your partner when playing video games is also an absolute blast !! The two of you would have such a great time playing together that you would often pull all-nighters with your various gaming sessions~ Not only that, but Sora would also gladly help guide you through the game if you find a particular part difficult to manage.

Sora loves your affection too and gets super happy and giddy every time you give him some !! He’s particularly fond of your headpats and would always hug your cursor back to reciprocate those feelings <3 He would sometimes accessorize your cursor with small bows or even a little witch hat !!

He would always cheer you on and support you whenever you’re working on an assignment and would try his best to help you gather resources~ He can easily tell when sources are lying so he would always steer you towards more reputable ones !! 

If he notices that you're overworking yourself, Sora would make sure that you'll take a break~ He doesn’t want you to get burnt out so, even if it’s for a few minutes, please just relax !! Why not start that game you wanted to play to get your mind off things? Sora’s here to play with you after all !!

Every time Sora learns a new magic trick, you would be the first person to see it !! You can see him happily running across your screen, with a big smile on his face, before he excitedly shows it to you !! Ta-da~! Wasn’t it cool? Did you like it?

Sora also loves to be in your presence, so there’s never a time where he isn’t with you. He’s by your side from the moment you log in, to the moment you log out. Every time you boot up your system, you can see his head pop out of the side of the screen, or from a folder and, with a big smile and a wave, Sora would happily greet you !! When you’re about to log off, Sora would give your cursor a big hug before he wishes you a great day/good night~

On very rare occasions, Sora would sometimes get overstimulated if there are too many things happening at once, and when that happens, he would often sit in a small corner on your screen, or in a folder, to recuperate. He initially did this to avoid bothering you, but the fact that you go out of your way to comfort him and help him recover makes him feel warm and fuzzy inside. He really appreciates the small acts of kindness you do [ like closing tabs you don’t need, or lowering your system’s volume, etc. ] just so that his surroundings aren’t as overwhelming as they initially were. Sora will make sure you know how much he appreciates all the things you did for him <3

•❅───✧❅✦❅✧───❅•

Tsumugi Aoba :

Tsumugi’s just a silly little guy !! You can always see him with such a gentle smile whenever you're around because he just loves being with you in general !! You mean a lot to him and he’ll do his very best for you :)

The moment he sees you struggling with something, Tsumugi drop whatever he’s doing in order to assist you. Do you need help with your assignment? Let him see what you wrote so far and he’ll guide you through the next steps !! Your day wasn’t the greatest? Don’t fret~ Tsumugi’s here to listen to you and offer you advice !! A smile suits you a lot more than a frown after all <3

He would always go far and beyond when helping you, which usually results in him overworking himself even after you logged off. Sometimes, when you log back in the next day, you’d see Tsumugi working in the same corner of your screen where you last saw him. When that happens, please drag him away from his work! He needs to rest~

On days where he completely overworked himself to the core, you can find him wrapped up in a blanket on the corner of your screen as he sleeps. He likes sleeping there because your presence gives him a sense of comfort. He also really appreciates when you tuck him in when he’s too tired to even move [ though, he gets quite flustered just thinking about it~ ]

His feedback is brutally honest but, at the same time, he’s willing to explain why and even give you tips and advice on how to improve !! Please remember that he doesn’t mean any harm when he makes those comments~ That’s just his way of making sure that you’re producing the best possible outcomes !! He doesn’t want you to settle for less when he knows you're capable of so much more.

Tsumugi always makes sure that your folders and files are organized, and now finding them is super easy !! He actually organized it just like a library and he’s your little librarian~ Do you need your document? Just open the folder on the top left and scroll down to the “T” section !! Do you need your presentation? Bottom right folder in the “C” section~

He’s also in charge of your entire system !! He would make sure that everything runs smoothly, deletes any unnecessary files to avoid lag, sets up various anti-virus programs and even coded his very own VPN just for you !! He wants to make sure that your information is protected and that you don’t have to deal with any inconveniences~

He gets shy and quite flustered if you give him any sort of affection but that’s just because he could never seem to get used to them, no matter how often you do it !! His heart always beats super fast whenever you give him words of affirmation or even a simple headpat !! He even becomes a stuttering mess for the next few minutes~ Tsumugi.exe has stopped working.

Tsumugi would always remind you of any upcoming important dates~ He’ll also create a schedule for your assignments so that you don’t feel overwhelmed during the more busy times of the year. His schedule includes breaks to avoid you getting burnt out too !!

Who needs an audiobook when Tsumugi’s right there ?! He’ll gladly read out loud to you, whether it’s an actual book, an article or even a report~ Tsumugi loves to read for you <3 When he finishes reading, you would both talk about the writing and would often come up with theories and explanations together <3

[themimsyborogove]

3, 16, 17, and 23 for Ragnor, Catarina, Magnus, and Alastair (since I know he's your favourite of my blorbos ❤️)

3. Obscure headcanon

Ragnor: his first big loss was being left, not having his partner die

Catarina: had a fling with a lady ambulance driver during WWI

Magnus: ever since that time he forgot Ragnor’s birthday and Ragnor threw a fit about it, he has celebrated Ragnor’s birthday with the most annoying pranks he can think of

Alastair: has gotten a hedgehog stuck in his pants leg, either as a child with Cordelia or as an adult with Thomas, whichever I think is funnier at any given moment

16. Deepest darkest secret they won’t even admit to themselves

Ragnor: the reason he doesn’t use glamours or disguise his warlock marks is to weed out anyone who would potentially reject him before they have a chance do it

Catarina: she’s still a little wary of fire, and part of her thinks it’s only a matter of time before she gets caught again and ends up tied to a burning stake that she isn’t going be able to escape this time

Magnus: he’s terrified that any part of him could be even remotely similar to his father

Alastair: I don’t think I’ve written him enough to come up with deep dark secrets for him

17. Quotes, songs, poems, etc. that I associate with them

Ragnor: Twin Atlantic, Crash Land

Catarina: Vienna Teng, The Tower

Magnus: Carbon Leaf, Pale Blue Dot

Alastair: Bump of Chicken, Hitorigoto (translated)

23. If they were a scented candle, what would they smell like?

Ragnor: citrus and tea

Catarina: jasmine and shea butter

Magnus: sandalwood

Alastair: expensive, but subtle cologne

[losersimonriley]

🍓

🍌

🍈

🍓 a work of mine I feel is underrated?

Knowing ! I love this little drabble so very much but of course I understand the subject matter isn’t for most. *Glares at canon mcd tag* That being said I do think the tone is a comforting one

Bonus mention for epistolary after the end, one of my pacrim fics <3 Written entirely in modern epistolary format! It was so fun and challenging to write. I’d really like to do something like this with cod at some point. I Love epistolary elements with my whole soul

🍌 funniest joke/ref/pun I’ve made in a fic? This is a hard one bc I’m hilarious. The one that comes to mind is laswell walking in on ghoap making out in headshot holidays. Very sitcom moment of her. Icon

🍈 Headcanons for blorbos I enjoy writing? WELL. I’ve definitely talked about some of these before but you get to hear them again <3.

I love imagining Simon’s middle name is Rhys. Simon Rhys Riley is that not the prettiest name you’ve ever heard. His mum was Welsh which makes he and soap Celtic brothers (lovers) in arms 🤝 Also Simon having a sweettooth. He likes to indulge now to make up for when he was younger. And! Simon who kisses with his eyes open. Definitely a trust issue thing (and definitely not me projecting) I like to think eventually he gets to a point with Soap where he feels safe closing his eyes. Also. This man is covered in tattoos

Soap knows Scottish Gaelic! His granny (who was from Skye and later moved outside Glasgow) raised him and she was a teacher in a Gaelic medium primary school. Sometimes I like to think he went to that school, sometimes not, but either way he grew up around the language. Like the rest of the 141, he also has a good grasp of other languages. He knows Arabic, French, and Russian (not Spanish apparently.) and math. He’s really good at math. That counts as a language to me. I also enjoy thinking that Soaps a crier. Angry crier, happy crier, disappointed crier, etc. the tears just well up before he even has a chance to stamp them out. He absolutely hates it. It’s embarrassing. Which only makes the tears worse. Basic training was a nightmare for this reason.

[obscurecharactershowdown]

Before I reveal the contestants, I want to shout out some characters that didn't end up getting in, for one reason or another, but stood out to me

Prince Peasley (Superstar Saga): I mentioned him as a character I really enjoyed learning about, but since he won the Luigi ship competition, I'm unsure of his obscurity status and he may overpower the other characters. I'm sorry your highness, please know I love you

Francis York Morgan (Deadly Premonition): I was stunned to see not one, but 2 people submit this character. I'm endlessly entertained by his weird ass game. He would've been a shoe in had he not been submitted twice. Sorry buddy. Also if he was I would've put in my own propaganda, consisting only of this image

and a video of the squirrels that make monkey noises

Crow T. Robot (Mystery Science Theater 3000): the only reason he's not in is because another MST3K I consider comparatively more obscure was submitted, but I am going to post part of the propaganda for him now because I really loved it and it would be a shame if I was the only one who got to read it:

i have to take a chance on crow, for he is my #1 blorbo and my favorite mst3k character since forever. i charted out a whole TIMELINE for him and there's like. 4-6 of him just existing in various locations. he's shaped like a friend. he can be folded into a torpedo. he has legs and i constantly forget this until he has them on-screen and i'm like OH SHIT this guy is mostly leg (he's around 5'4"). he managed to kill mike (the human guy he lives with in space) TWICE on accident and neither time stuck. all of his presentations are insane and completely factually inaccurate. he claimed women were myths like bigfoot in a short-film style black and white presentation. he's friendly/friends? with pearl, one of the main antagonists (and a woman, who he just claimed didn't exist). he can play the trombone. he just kinda bounces up and down sometimes and is so shaped. he spent 500 years alone because he got bored of being pure energy at the edge of the universe after five minutes. he wrote patrick swayze christmas, the only christmas song ever. he's constantly doing t-rex arms. he keeps falling from extreme heights. to a few ancient romans he's a spider-duck god. he's a bit of a pyromaniac. he went to thanksgiving in deep 13 and walked away unharmed (everyone else got poisoned). he causes an illusion in the theater where it looks like he's staring at you instead of the movie. he's an absolute menace. he contains so much gender yet none at all. he's different! he wants to decide who lives and who dies, and i think he should. he is simply so guy. ty for reading my crow rant sorry for the wall of text

Thank you for this. I love Crow and MST3K too, you are in good company

Mister Qi (Stardew Valley): In the propaganda section, the submitter wrote: "He sucks and I hate him. It'd be really funny if he lost." and it made me laugh

Chuck Cunningham (Happy Days): The submitter's dad told them to submit him and that was also funny to me

Vincenzo (kdrama of the same name): Submitter's dad has a crush on Vincenzo <3

Pioneer 9 (17776): This was the most submitted character, with a total of.....4 submissions! Wow!

Husky (+Anima): This is the second most submitted character, with 3 submissions! I'm sorry to you both but this means you are automatically excluded from being picked for the competition.

Less specifically, shout out to the many characters who were just barely well known enough to drop out of priority. And the major characters/protagonists of major series. A couple were clearly jokes, but several were not.

And all of the characters from albums, commercials, various Real Life Things, myths, some OCs, etc: I have a plan for you. It's not the main bracket, but you are not being left out here. More information on that when the time is right.

Thank you for all your submissions! The list of contestants and their matchups are coming soon!

[airlock]

mathematically determining the best cooks in Fire Emblem Engage

I need to keep my hands busy to focus in class, and the way I usually accomplish this is by punishing them with some inane statistic exercise. in my most recent one, I calculated the odds of the meal outcomes from every FE17 character, and then took a stab at ranking them accordingly

these are, do duly note, not objective rankings per se; some subjective judgement goes into deciding what kinds of chance spreads are better than others -- plus, while these are ordered within the tiers, many characters do tie against each other numerically, meaning I can only tiebreak between them by basing myself on textual information

in any case, below the cut I'll provide a more in-depth analysis of each blorbo's cooking proficiency, as well as a short explanation of how the cooking roll works

so, what's cooking, good-looking?

I'm citing information from Serenes Forest, which in turn has pulled mostly from the official Fire Emblem Engage guidebook.

the basic odds on a given cooking session are thusly:

55% chance of one of the character's personal Meal Titles

35% chance of a D-rank meal

10% chance of a E, F or G-rank meal

each character has 3 personal Meal Titles assigned to them -- you know, those prefixes that run the gamut of "Firene-Style", "Spicy", "Your Favorite", etc. each of those titles is also affixed to a specific rank of meal, which can potentially vary from as high as SS to as low as G (although none of them are D-rank).

effectively, this means that the meal titles available to a character determine if and how often they'll ever soar high with their cooking. thusly, the quality of the characters' meal titles determines where the chances fall for them.

(actually using meal ingredients, and/or having the character cook meals they're Expert, Skilled or Capable with, increases the chances of landing a personal meal title and decreases the chances of a forcibly D~G-rank meal. if they're Eager with the meal, the chances of a personal title AND the chances of an E~G meal both increase, with the chances of a D-rank meal plumetting.)

with that out of the way, let's get in-depth!

X-TIER: The Master Chef

1st place: Bunet (40% S-SS, 0% A, 15% B, 35% C-D, 10% E-G)

shocking news for us to start with here: lit oventops are hot, and Bunet, the guy whose literal job is to cook excellently... can, in fact, cook excellently,

the specifics are somewhat worth enumerating, at least. Bunet is, for starters, the only character in the entire game with more than one S-rank or higher personal meal title, which makes him likelier than anyone else to hit the absolute highest marks. speaking of which -- the absolute ABSOLUTE highest mark, double-S-rank, is only available at all to two characters in the game, of which one is, naturally, Bunet here.

and of course, all the chance spreads I'm providing here assume a meal with no ingredients given and with which the character has no expertise; cook more normally, and you'll be inching ever closer to the point where he bangs out a meal to die for as often as 50% of the time.

S-TIER: Great Cooks

2nd place: Clanne (20% S-SS, 35% A, 0% B, 35% C-D, 10% E-G)

3rd~4th place: Goldmary, Zelkov (20% S-SS, 20% A, 15% B, 35% C-D, 10% E-G)

5th place: Gregory (15% S-SS, 20% A, 20% B, 35% C-D, 10% E-G)

we start this one with a slightly more unexpected outcome! yes, Clanne is indeed the second best cook in the entire game, ahead of Goldmary, and actually not so far behind Bunet that the comparison would actually be as crazy as it sounds. let's take stock of it.

all of Clanne's meal titles are either S-rank or A-rank. therefore, even if you're making him cook unfamiliar recipes without a single ingredient, there's a 55% chance he'll come out of the kitchen with a culinary miracle in his hands -- better than Bunet's 40% chances in such a scenario (as he has one B-rank personal title), and indeed, better than absolutely anyone else's chances. although he can never hit the elusive double-S-rank, Clanne's chances of cooking wonderfully only increase the more you don't subject him to utterly ridiculous conditions.

long story short, this kid makes a good fucking pickle.

narrowly yet still decisively behind comes along Goldmary -- and, numerically tied with her in another interesting twist, Zelkov. they're both capable of landing an S-rank meal, and also bat at A or higher a very solid 40% of the time. comparing the two to each other, naturally the text is far more supportive of Goldmary's cooking ability, and besides, the A-rank title that she can hit, Decadent, just sounds better than Zelkov's, which is Trendy.

inching just behind those two we have Gregory, with a very similar chance spread, just weighted 5% less in favour of hitting S-ranks.

A-TIER: Solid Cooks

6th~7th place: Framme, Timerra (40% A, 15% B, 35% C-D, 10% E-G)

8th place: Céline (15% S-SS, 0% A, 40% B, 35% C-D, 10% E-G)

9th~13th place: Merrin, Louis, Amber, Rosado (20% A, 35% B, 35% C-D, 10% E-G)

one tier down, we start looking at characters who (with one exception) aren't capable of coming through with an S-rank meal, but nonetheless have outstanding odds, etching high results frequently.

Framme and Timerra share an excellent 40% chance to make A-rank meals, as well as an overall 55% chance of batting at B-rank or higher (technically the same as Bunet, you may recall). comparing the two of them, I go off their A-rank personal meal titles -- Framme's "Divine" sounds best of all, although "Your Favorite" doesn't speak to much being that I don't know what kind of food Alear likes actually; whereas Timerra's "Courageous" and "Audacious" have me thinking that A-rank might be a pretty generous way to describe what sounds less like cooking skill and more like... inventiveness.

Céline figures here, another one boasting a 55% chance of making B-rank or higher meals. she doesn't often exceed B-rank, but when she does, it's for the S-rank.

and lastly, we have a close tie between Merrin, Louis, Amber and Rosado. not only are their chance spreads identical, but they have quite similar personal meal titles as well, with all of them potentially hitting their local "[country]-style" meal -- which is non-indicative -- and with all but Rosado also sharing the "Extremely Rich" B-rank title. comparing A-rank titles, Merrin's best is "Tasteful", Louis and Rosado share "Dainty", and Amber comes out with "Robust". and to the best of my knowledge, the only one whose cooking abilities are further remarked on textually is Rosado, who falls noticeably short of Goldmary (but still valiantly tries to make up the difference).

B-TIER: Cooks with Potential

14th place: Anna (20% S-SS, 0% A, 15% B, 55% C-D, 10% E-G)

15th place: Boucheron (20% S-SS, 0% A, 15% B, 55% C-D, 10% E-G)

16~17th place: Saphir, Alcryst (15% S-SS, 0% A, 20% B, 55% C-D, 10% E-G)

our next several cooks are -- again with just one exception -- the last few in the game who are capable of landing S-rank meals. they just aren't quite as consistent as other characters who can do so, though -- so while they're not bad, the stars have to align for them to really show off their best.

Lady Anna firmly leads this tier as she is, in fact, the one character who shares Bunet's ability to make a double-S-rank meal -- "First-Rate", as it were. Boucheron has a very similar chance spread to her, but his absolute best is only S-rank instead of double-S.

Saphir and Alcryst tie for the spot beneath those two, being just that last 5% less likely to make miracles happen in the kitchen. between the two, Saphir is textually put up as an experienced-if-not-fancy cook, capable of going head-to-head with Goldmary on a good day -- whereas Alcryst's cooking skills do not, to my knowledge, ever directly come up in his supports, but we all know that at heart he's our failgirl even if he's doing surprisingly well here. (in fact -- better than diamant! pew pew peeeeeeew)

C-TIER: Decent Cooks

18th place: Seadall (55% B, 35% C-D, 10% E-G)

19th~20th place: Jean, Lapis (20% A, 15% B, 55% C-D, 10% E-G)

21st place: Nel (15% A, 20% B, 55% C-D, 10% E-G)

22nd place: Jade (40% B, 50% C-D, 10% E-G)

23rd~25th place: Lindon, Kagetsu, Fogado (35% B, 55% C-D, 10% E-G)

by this tier, we're looking at characters who can't possibly cook an S-rank meal, but still have fairly good chances of pulling out A- or B-rank meals; they are, thusly, some of the last characters on the roster that we could fairly describe as "good at cooking". indeed, this is also where we'll cross the 20th and 21st places, and therefore, the line past which we're looking at the bottom half of the list.

Seadall heads up this tier with a sterling 55% chance of producing a B-rank meal (although he is the first character we're looking at who can't possibly make something A-rank or higher). he'll get solid results more often than not, even when if you make him cook Florida Man-style. not bad for someone who's probably shaking and crying over the smell rising out of the cookpot the entire time

and speaking of filling up on smell alone, Jean and Lapis tie for the next spot with surprisingly robust rates. their personal meal titles both generally sound humble, even at A-rank, but at their most unremarkable, Jean's C-rank meals are described as "Fresh" (or "Carefully Crafted"), while Lapis's are "Kind of Odd" (or "Delightful"). my gut tells me that in Jean's case, the more unpleasant meals you're getting just taste too much like spearmint and cough syrup, but in Lapis's case, you might have to explain that no, actually, people don't normally add that crunchy finish by pouring on ground pebbles.

Nel is just narrowly below those two, being 5% less likely than them to land on an A-rank meal. she is pretty much the most bog-standard cook in the entire list, with her chances spread pretty evenly across the most normal outcomes.

Jade is similar to Seadall in her solid chances of managing at least a B-rank meal. that's what writers are well known for, after all: consistency. anyway, wow, look at that over there! it's a guy falling off a llama to distract you from me kicking my WIPs under a rug!

Lindon, Kagetsu and Fogado, being that precious last 5% less likely than Jade to make a B-rank meal, are where our chances having a nice meal are starting to get shakier, which they'll only get moreso as we continue going down the list. Lindon is ahead of the pack here textually; his culinary experiments might not be safe or entirely ethical, but surely he's learned a thing or two from performing them. the other two are very closely tied, and so once again, my best bet is to vote against the one who's sometimes coming out with "Kind of Odd" meals (and in this case, it would be Fogado).

D-TIER: Mediocre Cooks

26th place: Ivy (40% A, 0% B, 35% C-D, 25% E-G)

27th~28th place: Vander, Diamant (20% A, 15% B, 35% C-D, 30% E-G)

29th place: Alfred (20% A, 20% B, 35% C-D, 25% E-G)

30th place: Hortensia (35% B, 35% C-D, 30% E-G)

31st~32nd place: Madeline, Etie (20% B, 70% C-D, 10% E-G)

33rd place: Citrinne (15% B, 75% C-D, 10% E-G)

34th~35th place: Chloé, Pannette (90% C-D, 10% E-G)

for the first several places on this tier, we're looking at our first cooks who have at least one negative personal meal title -- that is, one in the E to G ranks. our first order of business, then, is to understand what this does exactly to their chances.

the first thing to it is that, under our usual perfectly neutral and perfectly stupid conditions, these characters will be noticeably likelier to completely screw things up. moreover, though, you might remember that, if we give them proper ingredients and have them work with recipes they're skilled with, that increases their chances of making a meal with one of their personal titles -- including the negative one. when you crunch the numbers on it, the result is that having these characters cook properly will affect their chances of catastrophic failure minimally if at all (although their chances of putting out good results still increase -- as the chance of pulling out an underwhelming D-rank meal are also still decreasing in this case).

incidentally, a quirk of these conditions is that giving these character a shot at a recipe they're Eager to try is an especially risky affair. having them cook in the first place is already a form of playing with fire; giving them too much creative leeway as well is where we approach the point of playing with Bolganone.

and speaking of magic tomes, Ivy is the first one up here. a 40% chance to make an A-rank meal is excellent, meaning she's not overall a bad cook, but the chance of catastrophic failure is always just right around the corner with her.

trailing a few ways behind her we have the similarly screwup-prone Vander and Diamant. there's little going on to distinguish between them textually, but I'm just going to throw out a wild out-there guess that, on average, being terrified of fire can be a disincentive towards learning to cook.

on the surface, Alfred looks to have slightly better chances than those two, but there's a particular issue that weighs against him. so far, the characters we've covered have personal E-rank meal titles, which is true of the majority of characters who have negative personal titles. however, when Alfred screws things up, the result he's most liable to turning up with is a "Stomach-Churning" F-rank meal!

Hortensia doesn't fail quite that catastrophically, but unlike the other ones we've seen so far, her risk of failing isn't quite offset by a risk of actually making something amazing; she's the first one we've seen so far who can't make A-rank meals, although she still has a pretty decent chance of making it as far as B-rank, at least.

after this battery of adventure and danger, we come to the latter half of the D-tier: characters who generally won't surprise you with their cooking -- for better or for worse, as it were.

Madeline and Etie are overwhelmingly likeliest to turn up underwhelming dishes, at the C or D ranks; Citrinne is another 5% likelier than them both to make no impression whatsoever. between the former two, Madeline's personal B-rank title of "Well-Balanced" seems just a touch more inviting than Etie's "Mild".

Chloé and Pannette bottom out the tier; they are two of the only three characters in the game who cap out at C-rank, and never cook any better than that. comparing those two, Pannette is indicated in text to struggle with cooking (even under Goldmary's guidance), whereas Chloé might possibly serve something nicer if she simply doesn't insist that it should be washed down with civet coffee and snake wine.

F-TIER: Bad Cooks

36th place: Rafal (15% A, 0% B, 55% C-D, 30% E-G)

37th place: Mauvier (15% B, 55% C-D, 30% E-G)

38th place: Veyle (15% A, 0% B, 55% C-D, 30% E-G)

from here on downward, every character we cover has a negative meal title, as well as unimpressive chances of making something particularly good.

Rafal and Mauvier both have only a 15% chance of batting above C-tier; rather little to compensate for their naturally higher chances of screwing things up. at least, when Rafal gets it right, he makes an "Audacious" A-rank meal, while Mauvier's absolute best is a B-rank... "Firene-style"?? huh. I don't think I uncovered that tidbit about him anywhere else so far.

Veyle ranks lower than the both of them, in any case. that is because she shares with Alfred that special aptitude for turning up "Stomach-Churning" F-rank meals. possibly something to do with her affinity for inhumanely spicy food, which perhaps helps to paint an unpleasantly precise picture of how you'll feel when you try some of the worst she has to offer.

L-TIER: Horrible Cooks

39th place: Zelestia (15% S-SS, 0% A, 0% B, 35% C-D, 50% E-G)

40th place: Pandreo (20% B, 35% C-D, 45% E-G)

41st place: Yunaka (70% C-D, 30% E-G)

and here we are, at long last, in the absolute bottom of the barrel. boy, is there some and then some to be said for the absolute accomplishments in failure we're looking at here

Zelestia and Pandreo share a spectacularly unique dishonor: they have two negative personal meal titles. this not only makes them more likely by far than anyone else to screw things up, it also means that they actually become LIKELIER to fail if you give them proper ingredients and a recipe they supposedly specialize in. (although again, the chances of their unlikely positive results also go up in these cases, if much too little)

even compared to those two clowns, though, Yunaka lies down a cut below the rest. firstly, because unlike the two of them, she won't cook an impressively good meal even by accident, being that she caps at C-rank. what's furthermore notable, though, is that she is the only character in the entire game with a personal G-rank title -- "Completely Burnt". in other words, Yunaka will never surprise you with an unusually good dish, but she will, on roughly every fourth attempt at cooking, burn water.

go girl! give us nothing!

[morlawny]

hi if ur requests r still open rn uh can u do headcanons of how the gang reacts to finding out the Reader is in a relationship with Arthur and Charles (separately) and what their thoughts are on it? (like if they think it’s cute, r surprised they’re a match, etc.)

also i love ur posts esp Morlawny since I never really thought abt it until now but I think it’s cute :-)

i'd love to answer this <3 not gonna do everyone since that'd take forever but i'll do a few! and thank you!! ;u; morlawny are my blorbos, i adore them.

dutch:

arthur: he's a bit surprised when he finds out you're with arthur, considering he hadn't seen the man with anyone since mary. he's happy for you both though!

charles: also a bit surprised, but not as much as he would be with you and arthur. thinks you two make a good couple!

hosea:

arthur: very very happy for his adopted son and you! he was very worried arthur would end up alone after mary, but you guys proved him wrong.

charles: pretty much like dutch; happy for you guys and think you two make a great couple.

grimshaw:

really could not care less for either, just hopes that you guys can help keep the camp running and not get too distracted by each other.

john:

arthur: "jesus christ, finally", which results in a smack in the head from arthur.

charles: a bit surprised at the match, but he can definitely see it.

sean:

endless teasing for both, and he will not stop, ever. even when arthur and charles both smack him several times and threaten death.

javier:

a bit like sean, but he doesn't mean it. he's happy for you guys regardless!

josiah:

arthur: secretly jealous (my morlawny bias i'm sorry), but tells you both he's happy for you! then goes to sulk for a bit.

charles: genuinely happy for you guys. a bit of light teasing, but he doesn't mean it.

[sm1l3b0t]

HELLO! for the orv ask game

8, 15 and 16!! thank you <3

HI!!!!!!!!!!!

8. whats your least favourite arc?

god this is a hard one because orv consistently puts out nothing but fucking bangers. honestly its probably gonna be the arc where they're fighting nirvana. i didn't really like nirvana's character partially because of the disrespect their gender and attraction towards yoo jonghyuk got and partially because when they got eaten by the wall i was really blindsided the first time i read it. while it makes sense in retrospect at the time i was kinda like 'oh. so we're just doing stuff now'. i also think we could have gone harder on the parallels between them and yoo jonghyuk. also when jung heewon gets infected with that thought poison thing that made her be trapped in her worst memories (her sexual assault) and the solution was.....for lee hyungsung to hug her really hard?

i understand what they were going for but they did.......not hit the mark there. there are some parts of the arc i really like - nirvana's interactions with lee sookyoung and han sooyoung killing kim dokja are two that especially spring to mind - but overall the arc is just not my favourite.

15. any characters you didnt love at first but grew to adore?

honestly? yoo jonghyuk. i will admit i fell for the trap!! i had a lot of trouble understanding him initially, honestly - i thought his whole shtick was 'total asshole incapable of communicating his emotions who secretly has a heart of gold' at first and it was an archetype i was pretty damn tired of. even when i finished the novel and grew to love his character, he was my least favourite out of yoohankim. i just couldn't relate to his eternal cycle of torment and struggle tragic backstory the same way i could relate to kim dokja or han sooyoungs. over time though i have come to appreciate and adore him and he is ABSOLUTELY one of my main blorbos now. such a fascinating character!

16. what part in orv made you realise it was gonna be your favourite?

ive talked about this a couple times on here before so ill try not to regurgitate it all (even though i love talking about it) but the part of orv that really made me realise it was like nothing else id ever read before was during the disaster arc when kim dokja tries to save 41st! shin yoosoung but is stopped because the constellations dislike the story. the reason it hit me so hard was because that was exactly what i was thinking as i read that part - wow, this seems kinda bullshit, no way it makes sense, etc - and it really hammered home for me what kind of meta story orv was building. the constellations were literally me!! probability was being moved by my desires and disbelief! it was such a gut punch moment!

thank you so much for the ask!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! had so much fun answering :))) <3

[asteria-argo]

Just saw you answered 16 so ignore my previous ask for 3,8 and 17!

3. a character that fandom has helped you appreciate

for Ted Lasso? Sam! when I first watched the show I didn't care that much about him tbh. He was one of those characters who were too perfect from the start so I never paid much attention, because my genre of blorbo is usually asshole with a heart of gold over sweethearts, but then I read It's The Great Moving Away, Sam Obisanya by the lovely @sighonaraa and absolutely fell in love with him.

From Batman, my other main fandom, Duke Thomas and Cassandra Cain! I'd never read their comic runs but the fandom content for them made me absolutely fall in love with them.

8. you hope more people will come to appreciate ___ (a ship, a trope, an episode, etc)

queerplatonic tedbeard and also Isaacs glasses. Also the very underrated dynamic of Roy and Isaac!

17. the thing in canon that everyone loves and that you also love

I'm not sure! Probably Jamie's little bags, don't think I've ever seen anyone with a bad thing to say about them and I, as a little bag wearer myself, am very fond of them. Though I don't wear bum bags, I'm an embroidered purse girlie.