#help me I’m being perceived
Explore tagged Tumblr posts
Visit Tumblr Blog
Explore Tumblr blogs with no restrictions, modern design and the best experience.
Last Seen Tumblr Blogs
Fun Fact
The “We are the 99%” Tumblr blog became the slogan for the Occupy Wall Street movement.
Text
Both of these are so hard for me
#interviewquestions#quiz#adhd#choices#perceptions#help me I’m being perceived#how do you pick one color??
3 notes
·
View notes
Text
Interesting. Don’t necessarily think I’m autistic but I have more going on than just ADHD and I’m not sure what that is.
#I’m not even sure if the ADHD is actually ADHD either or if it’s just technology addiction#Gonna get a REAL neuropsych evaluation at some point out of sheer curiosity as to what the fuck is wrong with me#I relate to a lot of autistic things and I relate to a lot of ADHD things; but I don’t entirely relate to the majority of either population#and I don’t relate to people with both enough to think I have both#I’ve begun treating myself as if I am autistic just for Kicks and using things that help them and it’s helping in some ways#but I know it’s probably not autism because even though I struggle socially; it’s not because of the same reasons#I understand social cues; I was only accidentally perceived as rude as a kid (and most kids are kind of blunt)#(Mostly a moderate amount of “Stop correcting me! It’s disrespectful!” from my parents)#And nowadays because of how much psychology and acting I study; I can perceive shrimp social cues#And I’m purposefully doing all the right things but it still feels like I fail social interactions because of my lack of assertiveness#which I KNOW come from being raised in a cult#so perhaps my odd social behavior is from CPTSD from being raised in a puritan doomsday cult as an only child#Because I was NOT introverted or sensitive to others as a child#I did not have routines as a child and the ones I did have were for fun and did not distress me if I strayed from them#But now I need structure as an adult because I don’t know what else to do with myself if I have nowhere to be#But at the same time everyone feels worse when they have no routine or expectations#And is it actually inattentive ADHD or severe derealization and an itch to do as many things as possible#because I spent my childhood being raised in a boring doomsday cult by disabled older parents who couldn’t physically do much?#(And I don’t fault my parents for being disabled but I do fault them for the whole doomsday cult thing)#So I spent my whole childhood doing mentally tedious things when really I’m more wired for physically spontaneous things#Because I was not allowed to walk around the neighborhood alone until I was sixteen#And I couldn’t hang out with friends I wanted to hang out with because they were bad association#So of course I got really good at drawing even though I don’t even like drawing that much#Of course I got really good at writing even though I don’t like writing that much#Now that I don’t need to escape from anything I find I actually hate drawing and writing because it’s such a chore#they make my heart rate accelerate in a way I don’t like to feel#(I hate writing less than drawing)
14 notes
·
View notes
Text
ew i hate looking back on any social media and seeing my old cringe posts (especially on tiktok) like help!!!! that isn’t me anymore don’t look please!!!! 😅 i can barely handle my current cringe posts don’t make me revisit the past please!!!! i am working so hard to constantly keep growing and learning and changing my mindset and becoming a better me every day and i am no longer that version of myself and i do not know her like that anymore. but dang like her reminants are still out there lingering and i do not like it one bit… 😔
#lena.txt#be gone thoughts#mini vent#this is true of real life as well like don’t perceive me in such a way please that girl is long gone#this is the only downside to constantly growing and learning#you get to feel like shit everytime you reflect on the past#like i love knowing better and doing better i just wish i’d always known better#how do you get rid of the shame#how do you stop feeling guilty about the version of you that didn’t know better#at least i have a long life ahead of me to keep learning and growing and becoming the best version of me i can be#i have to remember that#i really do appreciate having my thoughts and ideas challenged bc a lot of times it helps me see from a new perspective#and even learn something new or come to better understanding of where someone else is coming from#bc regardless of whether or not having my beliefs or ideas challenged changes my mind or not i still appreciate it#bc it gives me an opportunity to see something i didn’t see before and reflect on my own thoughts and beliefs#i’ve grown to almost like being corrected when i make a mistake or do something wrong bc everything is an opportunity to better myself#but the shame that comes along with it is something i have yet to unlearn#why am i talking about this now i’ve strayed too far away from the point#this was supposed to be about my old dumb blog posts lol#like i said i love the opportunities to learn and grow and do better#but sometimes it makes me feel like i’m just a blank slate that people project their ideas onto#i know it’s not true and i am passionate in my core values and beliefs but i always assume everyone is smarter than me#i assume everyone else knows better than me and i am always the last to know anything or the last to figure it out#and sometimes i take everything anyone says to me as an absolute truth when they don’t actually know any better than me#and then it becomes ingrained in my head and it’s so hard to get it out and fully reject the idea#all these disorders are driving me crazy man#i hate having bpd and i hate having ocd relating to morality#i wake up every morning and suddenly hate everything i said or did the previous day#like do i even think what i think???#who am i??? where am i going???
5 notes
·
View notes
Note
https://www.tumblr.com/phightinghottakes/784825758994644992/hi-phighting-hot-takes-account-i-do-not-think-the?source=share
Idk what ur talking about honestly since I have seen a pretty big fair of subspace fans (on twitter especially) in the fandom understand how blackrock basically groomed him...I agree with the disabled part though.also The devs never really said anything like that about medkit lol. Flashback to that one retweet soda made where she said he would NOT be in the nice list,(back to that one tweet from that Santadecides account....not that much of a proof but it's something 😕) he isn't a good person but definitely the lesser evil of two.
Imo Medkit only gets to be the lesser of two evils because he had different expectations placed on him and he has the barebones of an emotional support system through Sword (aka one of, if not the most, lawful good character in Phighting rn).
#hot take#phighting hot takes#phighting!#Roblox phighting#phighting roblox#🥀 mod exorspace 🥀#forgive me if I’m remembering this wrong but i think like#Medkit specifically having a caretaker (i.e. someone trained to raise a child into a functioning member of society) vs subspace being raise#by blackrock superiors who probably raised him more as an investment than a person#had an impact on how they both turned out and perceive other people and form relationships#also not to be a gear essentialist but#medkit with his healing gear probably had more expectations to help other people and is just more able to do so by birth#vs subspace whose gear is inherently destructive and dangerous and harmful to other people#idk where i’m going with this i lost the plot ages ago#this is why rambling stays in the tags#ALSO YEAH SUBSPACE IS PHYSICALLY DISABLED#medkit lost his eye SO DID SUBSPACE AND THEN SO MUCH MORE?#no energy + chronic pain + necrosis + seriously his flesh is bubbling and falling off + yeah inphernals typically early due to violence but#he’s dying cos his body physically can’t sustain itself + still overworked despite that#sometimes it feels like people treat subspace’s rot as like. an aesthetic thing. instead of the debilitating illness that it is.
5 notes
·
View notes
Text
.
#yall i hate men#i hate being perceived as female and as an easy target i hate it i hate it i hate it#i’m currently hiding in the storage room at work because a man had the fucking audacity to come up to me to ask for my help#while my colleague who was already helping him was away to find something for him#and because obviously that’s my job i was so friendly and said yeah of course what can i do for you and he took his shirt up a little#and pulled the waistband on his shorts down on one side to show me the underwear he was wearing????#and i immediately went into this weird mode where i just wanted to leave but defaulted to extreme friendliness out of anxiety#and i was like oh yeah we have underwear made of merino wool as well if you’re looking for something more functional for hiking and#he deadass looked me in the eye and said no that’s not what i’m looking for i was hoping you would have a tip on what women find attractive#the fuck??????#howwww is that something you ask a young person that you clearly read as female in a professional (or any) setting#i just said oh no sorry i’m not into men i have no idea what women would like and went to hide#which is only half true but that’s none of his business#thankfully my other colleague heard it and told me to just hang out downstairs and he would get me when he was gone#but still no one said anything and no one will because the dude is friends with my boss#yay :))))))#like i wasn’t in active danger and he didn’t get close to me or anything but i felt fucking unsafe#and it made me realise once again that even these open and liberal/leftist men that i’m close to and whose opinions i value are just men#‘im sure he didn’t mean it like that’ ‘that’s just how he is you know he’s awkward and a little weird’ yeah and you don’t get it clearly#i hate that men don’t even fucking think about these things and i have to feel unsafe at my workplace as a result#fucks sake#i’m very much neither a lady nor a man#but sometimes i wish i was genderqueer the other way you know#because at least people would misgender me as a dude and fucking leave me in peace#personal
3 notes
·
View notes
Text
got the posting anxiety bad tonight
#click clack#ok a peak into my thought process and anxiety here we go#ok so the art is almost done and up to standard I would post onto my art blog#BUT for some reason the thought of posting art of my ocs there scares me#because even tho it’s my art blog in my mind it’s the equivalent to a art gallery that demands being detached????? from the art#like once I share it there it’s no longer ‘mine’ but to the public#and my ocs (plus the stories that go with them) are like the closest to my heart and relinquishing them feels like a lot#a part of my imagination that I spent so much time with developing over the years to be placed up for judgement…#so then the solution could be to put it here on my personal! the online space cozy enough and filled with other posts that could easily bury#the original posts I put here#but there goes my other dilemma. i don’t want them too associated with my personal for if one day i do muster up something for publication#my big fear is that ppl will find this space and go thru everything. the fear of being perceived and judged 😵💫#all the hypotheticals and anxiety for something that may not even happen#dumb mind problems my head made up 🙄#anyway writing it out helped lol I’m posting it to my art blog I decided 👍#I have to work on getting that blog to be comfortable space to post… i should lower that silly self imposed standard I set for myself#and be whatever about ppl being aware of my online presences#maybe… [grinding my teeth] I should post my messy sketches onto my art blog…#I should take my friends suggestion and make a website to feature my ocs…🤔#idk my only other solution that doesn’t feel viable to mitigate the anxiety is to slowly introduce my ocs in the background of setting art#just a slow drip until they are in the forefront#bleghhh whatever much ado about nothing it’s like I never posted my ocs ever when I have indeed posted them before on both places ( º＿º )#I’m realizing it happens too when I post too much fanart in a row… I have curator disease??? 🫨#or something I used to be very particular about what order I reblog stuff like it used to be by color and content balanced out#I still do to a lesser degree… but it used to be pretty bad#post order compulsion????#the fear of being abrupt and incohesive in between posts…#if you read this far thanks you can now see how much this consumes me 🙃
7 notes
·
View notes
Text
crying screaming throwing up but I’m being really brave about it (i am replying to a post by a YouTuber i like asking for more artists to follow)
2 notes
·
View notes
Note
You've been waiting a while, every snapping branch or sound of the forest testing your patience, but as you catch your breath you check your things, you were mostly packed beforehand in case of an emergency, so all the important things are there, you're sure you'll be fine if it turns out you need to slip through the door after all.
Eventually the sounds of footsteps begin to pervade the air, you gather your things and open the door, just enough to dart through if needed, your company walks into the clearance in the trees, you can see who's in charge as soon as they step through, a confident aura about them, they see you and call out an order, the rest of the group halts, there is a brief moment of quiet while you each study the other, finally the standstill is broken, the leader of the group introduces themself and you return the favor, you ask what they want and they tell you they're from a group funded quietly by the government to explore the next dimension, you ask more specifical what they want with you, they tell you they are interested in learning of your world and your capabilities, they want you to join them, they promise to help you in any way they can, providing resources about what they know and offer assistance in your journey.
Do you accept their offer?
No
#Not yet#first of all though; Hiiii yes/no anon!?!?!!!! I was so excited to see this???!?!? How have you been???#ANYWAYS I have questions for the government agents#I do not move from the door as I ask them lol#How long have they been around as a group? What (in general) do they know about other dimensions?#Have they made contact with anyone else from another world? What do they intend to do with information I give them?#how did they hear about me being here? what do they ideally expect from communicating with me? What abilities are they referring to?#Where do they want to go to talk? Do they perceive me as a threat? (I’m not lmfao but let’s not tell them that outright)#What sort of resources do they imagine they might offer? If I do go with them will they take any of my stuff? Where is their “homebase”?#Close by? Far away? How would we get there? How many people are with you now? Just the people in the clearing or are there more around?#Anyways I’m chatterbox they might regret approaching me#I will warn them that if I feel uncomfy I’m gonna leave#Yes/no anon#Guys help I’m lost in a black berry bush#Is that the tag? Idk
2 notes
·
View notes
Text
so… this happened today 🥺
#for those of you who dont know i’m best of london thor on twitter and ig#i feel so nervous being perceived by her#but i hope she feels appreciated by all that 🥲#running that acc has really helped me get through a lot of terrible stuff#she’s always so true to herself idk#she’s really inspiring#london thor#gen v cast
11 notes
·
View notes
Text
:/
#incapable of seeing people and not crying after it seems!!!!!! I’m glad that I get time alone but now I’m Super Alone again which.#I am just tired. of being alone all the time! not having friends around! not seeing people! being ignored!#and just like. I’m tired of being so good at everything else in my life except for having relationships and having my shit together#but then not being able to figure out how to find friends or make anyone interested in me or whatever#like I don’t really even want to date someone except for the fact that it would make me less lonely!#and it’s also just so ridiculous bc like. idk. I just have no idea how to even like put out into the world that I would like to be seen!#and seen as someone who is attractive! and wants to have friends! just. god. they should make a being in ur 20s that doesn’t make u sad.#like I don’t hate being fat in the same way as I used to but I do know my life would be easier if I was skinny. and I would be like pretty#or whatever! just. ugh. it doesn’t help that I’m not perceived as like anything other than woman half the time either. I need. a hug.#and more friends I can talk to who aren’t dating each other. I have those but they don’t. talk to me.#so it’s. whatever#roxy talks
4 notes
·
View notes
Text
and i lie mentally to make myself feel better but that just bites me in the ass oughhh
#i don’t wanna be a failure I’m petrified but i have been lazing around for 2 weeks like what the hell is wrong with me😭!!!!!!#graduated no. 4 out my class and I’m just sitting here on the toliet trying to cry one out for once omg#kinda anime🤓 nah.#i srsly need to fix myself. im being perceived by my own instructors prob. terrifying aughhh i rly hope they understand#im so sick eughhh and merch buying doesn’t even help I haven’t been able to enjoy it at all#this is so hard im scared but i need to do smth abt this now#i hate honors system. that can literally fuck so many students up im so serious#sorry i needed to vent somehow#hashtag embarrassing !
11 notes
·
View notes
Text
it’s weird how many compliments I get now for just. existing. and wearing pretty clothes. it’s nuts how differently people treat me based on what I wear. smth smth commentary on humanity whatever I’m just glad other ppl also like my skirts.
#blue chatter#genuinely I think part of it is just that I dress like a magical girl anime protagonist#hair bow poofy skirt color coordinated and themed with matching KN95 sparkly makeup sometimes#and also that people tend to compliment parts of your appearance that you have control over#like hair and clothes and makeup#bc it’s a way to compliment without being forward or objectifying someone#so now that I regularly wear clothing that is bright and colorful and outside the norm it’s noticeable#and o do genuinely put more effort into my appearance now#but it is interesting how much easier it is to make casual acquaintances with people#<- this is important in context. bc I am constantly off putting. I don’t mask much at school anymore.#so this is people complimenting someone who is constantly flinching at sudden noises and randomly twitches/stims#it’s intriguing to me#people approach?? me?? and compliment my outfit and then we chat abt where I got it#and then they say hi to me in class the next day#and suddenly I have someone I can email if I need to miss class and want that day’s notes#it’s so wild#this happens more the weirder I dress btw. if I’m wearing sparkles and a petticoat and a bunch of pins and hairclips I get more#positive attention. which is real intriguing to me.#but I also genuinely like dressing like this? it’s nice to be complimented and it makes me feel good#but I also do it when nobody sees me just bc I enjoy it#I feel more confident in myself and how I perceive myself and I think the confidence also helps#a few of my friends have commented that I hold myself very differently now#one jokingly calls it my ‘queer glowup’ bc this coincided w me being more open and accepting abt my queer identities#which I think is fun
5 notes
·
View notes
Text
anyways “just don’t leave me alone wondering where you are” Program and “I am stronger than you give me credit for” Vista
#Could also be Moon & Tera they’re both equally as sad#But I’m gonna just. Let that sink in.#Even in the early phases (Hansel/Gretel) they were designed specifically to be a stronger more logical machine and a human-esque creation#Vista was never meant to be as strong mentally or physically as Program could#but they pushed through anyway. The perceived imbalance between them will always get me#Vista/Gretel thought Koeia liked Program/Hansel more because he served a purpose#Program/Hansel thought Koeia liked Vista/Gretel more because they were like her “daughter”#And later Program ends up putting aside their differences to look out for them#“For the greater good” my ass! He cared about their well being more because he knew they were supposedly “weaker” than him#but realizing there wasn’t much of a difference between them in Koeia’s eyes made him feel compelled to shield them from some things#He figured that they were meant to be like siblings#he wanted to be their sibling#They wanted to too but they didn’t want to be inferior#They felt that Program was better than them in every way. It was him that made the project possible after all!#Clearly he /must/ be better right?#So they’re stuck in a weird spot of not having known each other for years and only perceiving what they thin other was compared to themself#And then being thrown into a situation where they’re trying to make it out together#Even as early as before the incident Program was looking out for Vista#Program felt threatened by Clay sometimes and would try to tell Vista to get out#Him attacking Clay was his way of trying to help#Which only fucks up Moon a little more when Procyon starts taking that same “helping” role and gets Clay…you know…speared….#And they feel so betrayed it sends them into an entire spiral of barely knowing who they are anymore#Anyways I didn’t meant to rant bye bye#S.K thinks#I hope this changes someone’s perception of Moon as a whole. Just one person I’ll be happy with that
2 notes
·
View notes
Text
i so rarely post things to social media anymore, especially my own art, so seeing the nice tags on the wyll textpost memes I made makes me happy ;u;
#Maybe I’ll post ones I made of my Tav I’m nervous to share him though#I’ve posted art of him before but aughghhhh#The difficulty of being perceived by a wider audience versus wanting to share#Eso talks#I think my point here is that the nice comments are helping me be brave in the face of my social media anxiety#Idk how people post constantly I get nervous just posting some silly textpost memes#In comparison to my art and my OCs the textpost memes are so much more lowstakes and shouldn’t be causing this much anxiety#So people being nice is helping
2 notes
·
View notes
Text
oh babes the consequences of having multiple disabilities that make each other worse sure are being felt
#don’t rb#like. hmm. the consequences of my actions. who coulda thunk it#at this point im getting convinced that what i need more than anything else is to live with someone full-time who is willing to care for me#plus possibly getting actual hired support from a caretaker/helper of some kind#also not living with relative strangers for roommates with whom i feel anxious#which triggers all the other issues#but like. damn. i cannot be doing this anymore i will either cause myself harm or just generally be miserable#all the time and possibly like. stop doing my job/being a friend/being a partner well#to be clear: I’m mostly having a good day (brain-wise) today and I am in no danger and my partner helps a TON as do my friends#but the circumstances of my life could be uhhhh a lot better for me#also. really struggle with the lable of ‘disabled’ and not wanting to like… take it away from people who I perceive as ‘more disabled’??#but there’s really no other way to describe my experience than disabled and also i literally categorically have disabilities#loooong ramble in the tags congrats if you made it this far#שירו שיר חדש
2 notes
·
View notes
Text
^Slightly confused by this but decided to add it a n y w a y s
still so fucking weird to go from real life, where a cis man being flamboyant/effeminate/camp is judged like 70+% by how he speaks and carries himself, to online queer communities, which often seem to have no concept of male gender non-conformity that doesn’t involve wearing a skirt
#This is what I was talking about!#I mentioned to a moot the other day#that before transitioning— when I was a gnc ‘girl’ in men’s clothing#people perceived me as masculine#I remember my own mother seeing me one morning in my outfit for the day#and telling me I looked ‘butch’ and that no guy would ever like me or want to date me#because they’d assume I’m a lesbian#I was perceived as masculine because my clothes and attitude transgressed the feminine ideal#but after transitioning#people perceive me in the opposite direction#my style hasn’t changed. neither has my attitude#but my demeanor and attitude aren’t ’masculine enough’#to the point that it affects people’s perceptions of me#like I had a friend tell me recently. after I successfully identified a car: ‘I could never see you as a car guy. You hate manual labor.’#and I blinked. I hate going to public gyms. Because bathrooms. And people. I also hate running because my knees#but I used to dig holes for my father#(literally. my summers consisted of working in a gravel lot. no shade. digging holes for my dad)#and I also spent those summers working on my grandmother’s farm helping my grandpa out#a childhood of manual labor is why I’m shaped like a square today#and I volunteered to help out. I wanted to#even the slightest transgression against the masculine ideal—forget not being straight or cis—invalidates your manhood & masculinity#it’s fucking wild#<prev tags. Holy shit
103K notes
·
View notes