#hes so small hes so fucking small you guys. hes one molecule large

[zipmode]

IMPORTANT NEWS

Everyone,

I would like to introduce you to your new little brother:

Kevin

[nalgenewhore]

what's the harm

elide x lorcan, modern au, fluff/fake dating, word count: 4475

Every single molecule in her body hurt. No matter how slowly she moved, how careful she was, her body protested against anything that wasn’t lying still, in her bed, buried under layers upon layers of quilts.

Elide sighed in exhaustion, her eyes shut. It took far too much energy to keep them open, energy that her flu-ridden being could not procure. She slowly turned onto her stomach and rested her cheek against one of her pillows, hoping that sleep would find her easier. Of course, like everything else she had tried over the course of the day, it was an effort made in vain.

She focused on her breathing, inhaling through her stuffed nose for four seconds, holding it for seven, and then exhaling for eight. For a while, she continued like so, lulling herself into a state of deep rest. It wasn’t quite true slumber. Elide could still hear her parents moving about in their house and her diffuser, dispensing a citrus oil blend around her room.

She simply refused to budge, hoping that if she stayed still long enough that she could trick herself into falling asleep.

The true problem was her fever. No matter how many blankets she had, nearly suffocating her, she was still wracked with chills.

Elide’s room was silent, save for the quiet hissing of her diffuser, for a short while more.

The peace was ruined when the doorbell rang. Unwillingly, her eyes opened and the seventeen year-old cursed into her pillow, blaming the deities above and below for her horrid condition. She huffed as she rolled onto her side, facing away from her bedroom door. Elide could hear one of her parents moving towards the door and opening it. The sound of muffled conversation drifted up to her bedroom, but Elide still didn’t know who it was.

A few minutes later, she heard a familiar sound – the sound of someone crashing up the staircase.

“Lochan! C’mon, I told you to be ready when I got here! I already warmed the car up for your anemic-ass,” Lorcan called, his footsteps growing louder and louder.

Elide made a pitiful noise and pulled the edge of her softest blanket over her face, hoping her fake-boyfriend would leave her the fuck alone when he saw her. Bitterly, she wondered why neither of her parents told him she was indisposed.

Only a couple moments passed before Lorcan had burst through her bedroom door, not even bothering to remember to knock as he usually did. “Lochan, are- wait, Lee? Lee?” He ventured in, his steps padding over her carpet. “What’s wrong? You didn’t forget about the thing at the twin’s place, right?”

“No,” she said, her words congested and even more muffled from her pillow. “I’m sick.”

The mattress shifted as Lorcan sat. Elide could feel the heat coming from him and resisted the urge to turn around to seek his warmth. “What’d’ya say? I didn’t hear,” he said, his voice low and impossibly gentle. “Turn around, so I can see you. Please?”

Turning around was a significant drain on her already low energy, but Elide did as Lorcan asked. She still frowned up at him, her brows knitted together. “I have the flu,” she told him, tossing an irate glance towards her bedroom door. “I can’t go to a party, I can barely walk myself to the bathroom without shaking to take a piss.”

He huffed a laugh. His eyes roved over her, though there wasn’t much he could even see. “How d’ya feel?”

“Shitty.”

Lorcan gave her a look and Elide rolled her eyes before elaborating. “Fine. I’m sore, I have a fever, and I haven’t been able to really sleep since I got this stupid flu.” He hummed and lifted his hand, pressing the backs of his fingers against her forehead. She blushed, loathing how pathetically obsessed she was with his casual affection. Elide hoped she could blame her shaking voice on her illness. “I- I’ll probably just, um, watch a stupid… movie.” She swallowed. “I think that I’ll, um… pass out.” Lorcan gave her a concerned look and she elaborated, “From the medicine and stuff.”

He hummed and finally dropped his hand, a slight frown creasing his brow. “You feel pretty warm, Lee. You’ve been keeping yourself hydrated, right?” Before she could answer, Lorcan was already turning towards her nightstand and grabbing the glass of water her father had placed there at some point in the afternoon. “Sit up and drink this.”

She frowned at him, annoyed that not even two minutes had passed before he decided to order her about. As she pushed her aching body up, Elide muttered something rude and Lorcan ignored her.

“There you go,” he said once she was in an upright position. He handed her the glass, which she grasped between both hands.

Elide raised the cup to her chapped lips and drank some of the cool water. She felt marginally better and took a few more sips before handing the glass back to Lorcan. He put it on her nightstand and turned back to her, that crease of worry still marking his brow. “What else do you need?”

“You sure are fussy,” commented Elide, eyeing the way he fixed her blanket. Lorcan merely returned her comment with a blank stare until she rolled her eyes. Almost immediately, she regretted her sass as it hurt, the pressure in her sinus pulsing. “Gods, I’m fine – really,” she lied. “I’ll get over this. Anyway, you need to go.”

Lorcan made an incredulous noise and pulled back slightly, as if offended by her words. “What? Why?”

She lifted a brow, “Um… the party? If I’m not there, Maeve’ll come and talk to you.” Her words turned bitter, “That’s the whole point of our thing.”

He frowned, looking down at his lap. “But I don’t wanna go if you won’t be there. I wanna stay with you.”

Elide’s dismissive scoff quickly turned into a coughing fit, deep coughs that came from the base of her chest. It made her ribs and stomach ache. Lorcan simply wrapped his arms around her and rubbed her back until she’d calmed. Her face was hidden in his chest and she turned her head to press her cheek against the worn cotton of his shirt. “Just go,” she whispered, hating that she was all but throwing him at his psychotic ex-girlfriend. “You don’t have to lie, I won’t be upset.”

“I’m not lying, Elide.” Lorcan was silent for a moment. “Do you want me to leave?”

“It’s not up to me,” she answered weakly.

“Lochan,” he said, one of his hands moving to the back of her head. “It’s up to you. You decide if you want me to stay or,” he paused, his voice noticeably quieter when he continued, “if you want me to leave.”

Somewhat reluctantly, Elide pulled away from him, forcing herself to look in his eyes. “Stay,” she breathed, “stay with me.”

His full lips pressed together slightly, like he was trying to hide a smile. It didn’t matter much, Elide could already see it in his gaze. “Ok. I’ll stay. Just let me lock my car real quick.”

She nodded, a small grin twisting her lips, and before Lorcan left, he brushed a kiss against her feverish skin, whispering, “Don’t miss me too much, sweetheart.”

Elide couldn’t form words and watched him leave in a stunned silence. The name of endearment had been crafted for their scheme which was to convince his former girlfriend, Maeve, that she had made the worst mistake of her life when she cheated on Lorcan. At the start of the school year, only a couple weeks after he’d found her in bed with some other guy, Lorcan had hounded Elide for days on end, begging her to pretend to date him. Just long enough to make her jealous, two weeks tops, he’d said.

She’d agreed because she could never quite say no to him. For a year or so, Elide had been tutoring him in his math and science courses. It didn’t help that she was so inconveniently head-over-heels, goo-goo eyes in love with the boy.

A soft knock on the door pulled Elide from her bleak thoughts. She looked up as her mother stepped in, carrying a tray. “He’s a loud one,” Marion said by way of greeting. “I see why you like him so much.”

“Ma,” Elide groaned, flinging an arm over her burning face. “Stop saying that.”

“Oh, I’m just teasing,” her mother replied, walking in further. She set what she had been carrying down on Elide’s desk and then took a seat on the edge of the mattress. “Sit up for a moment, honey.” Slowly, Elide pushed herself up and took the mug her mother handed to her. “Drink your tea, it’ll make you feel better.”

Elide sipped delicately, her sinus so blocked she could hardly taste it. “Mmm, it’s good,” she said, her eyes closing when Marion wiped her hand over her brow to check her temperature.

“Is the boy staying with you tonight?”

Her cheeks reddened and she nodded, staring into her tea. “Yes, he is. I told him he didn’t have to.”

Marion smiled, leaning forward to kiss the top of her daughter’s head. “Well, good. I’ll leave you to it. He can spend the night, if you want,” she mentioned, oh-so casually.

As she got to her feet, a large shadow filled the doorway. Marion turned, spying Lorcan with his gym bag over his shoulder. “I texted Rowan that we weren’t- oh, Mrs. Lochan. Sorry, um, hi.” The large boy shifted on his feet, nodding his head once and then twice.

Marion merely dipped her chin, “Hello, Lorcan. Do come in, and don’t mind me. And please, call me Marion. I insist.”

He nodded, “Ok, Mrs- Marion. Sorry.”

She chuckled and waved him in as she slipped past him. Just as Lorcan reached Elide’s side, their attentions were both caught by her mother. “Oh, enjoy yourselves, you two. Your dad and I are going out for dinner.” Marion closed the door and called to Cal, “Cal, we’re going for dinner!”

Lorcan looked at Elide with wide eyes and she waved her hand, “Ignore her.”

“All right.” He shrugged and put his bag down, crouching low to unzip it.

“So… you just keep that bag in your car?”

He pulled out a pair of shorts and a t-shirt, “Yeah. I have physio appointments after school and practice, so it just stays in my car.” He stood up, his clothes in one hand. With the other, Lorcan gripped the hem of his shirt. He lifted it up, exposing his stomach.

Elide’s jaw dropped a bit, her eyes suddenly wide open. They were stuck on the line of hair from the dip of his belly button that disappeared beneath his waistband. Idly, she wondered how it would feel to run her hands down his torso, tracing the grooves of muscle, the line of his hip bone. Maybe his skin would be like silk, of the richest amber.

“Oh,” Lorcan let out a curse, dropping his shirt. “Sorry. Um… I’ll just use your closet?” His cheeks were stained with pink, bringing out the light freckles Elide seldom saw.

She nodded, knowing her cheeks were just as, if not more, red. “Yeah, that’s… um, that’s a good idea.” Elide couldn’t make herself look up while he crossed her room to the closet.

The sound of the door shutting behind him was deafening in the silence of her room. She dropped her head in her hands, the warmth of her skin having nothing to do with her fever. She could hear him rustling about inside her closet and scooched herself to the edge of her bed. Elide stayed still for a long moment as she gathered the necessary strength to stand up and grab her laptop from where it was charging by her bookcase.

Just as she took her first step, Lorcan came out, his clothes bundled in his hands. “Hey, what’re you doing?”

“Getting my laptop,” Elide said, gesturing weakly towards it.

His eyes followed to where she had pointed to and he put his clothes down on the chair next to her closet. “I’ll get it, get back in bed.”

“I,” she sniffed, giving him an imperious look, “am not an invalid. I can do things myself.”

“Sure ya can. Back in bed.”

She scoffed, rolling her eyes. Still, Elide returned to her cosy nest of blankets, quilts, and pillows. “You’re infuriating, did you know that?”

He chuckled, bending down to pick up the computer. “You might’ve mentioned it once or twice.”

Elide muttered something about loathsome boys and frowned at him as she waited for him to join her in bed. Lorcan set the laptop down and eased himself down, staying as close as he could to the edge of the mattress without falling off. She looked at him and sighed, flipping the blankets back. Elide patted the mattress beside her, “C’mere, Lor. I’m cold and you can’t keep me warm from all the way over there.” A slight pout twisted her plush lips.

Lorcan conceded, his heart hammering in his chest as he moved into the space Elide indicated. She moved closer, resting against him. After a second, she froze, flicking her eyes up to his. “You don’t mind, right? I can get a hot water bottle or something.”

“No,” he said, easing his arms around her. “This is fine. You don’t need a hot water bottle.” Lorcan cupped the back of her head and coaxed her to lay it against the soft spot between his shoulder and chest. He smoothed her hair back from her forehead and the other arm was around her waist, keeping her snug next to him. “I got you.”

She hummed in content and stretched her own arm across his stomach, shifting her hips until she could slot one leg between his knees. “You won’t let go?” she murmured, her cheek cushioned against his chest.

“I won’t,” he replied, a small smile playing on his full lips. Lorcan managed to hold her against him as he rose to grab her laptop. He reclined again and handed it to Elide.

She opened it and unlocked it, navigating to Netflix. Exhaling a puff of air, she moved her hand back to his stomach. “You choose,” Elide whispered. “I’ll watch whatever you wanna watch.”

“Hmm.” He pulled one arm out to be able to scroll through their wide array of options. “Movie, or show?”

“Movie.” Lorcan was silent for a few minutes and Elide dozed off, her eyes shut. She opened them again when the movie began to play. “What’re we watching,” she asked him, craning her head up to see him.

“Ferris Bueller’s Day Off.”

She snorted before putting her head back down, “How fitting.”

Lorcan idly twisted her hair around his fingers, marvelling at how comfortable she seemed. It had never been this simple with anyone else, certainly not Maeve. A frown came over his face as he became frustrated, the comparison to his ex unwanted and unhelpful. The last thing he wanted on his mind when he was with Elide was Maeve. Unconsciously, he held the girl in his arms a bit tighter.

Elide made a soft noise, her brow knit together. “‘m not going anywhere,” she teased, her voice quieter than it had been before.

He eased his jaw, which he’d clenched tightly, and smoothed his hand down to her hip. “I know.” Lorcan moved his body further down, closer to her. He couldn’t help but kiss her forehead.

She was smiling when Lorcan pulled away and gazed up at him, seeming like her tongue was leaden with words she wouldn’t speak. Pink stole across her abnormally pale cheeks and Elide hastily put her head back, eyes on the movie. “I love this movie.”

“Yeah,” Lorcan whispered, mind reeling from the change in topics. “It’s good.”

After a long five minutes, Elide relaxed completely, melting over him. He rubbed his hand up and down her back, tilting his head to look at her face. “You asleep?”

She hummed, blowing out a small puff of air. “No… not yet,” she mumbled, squinting her eyes open. “No more movie. Too bright.”

He nodded, “‘kay.” Reaching out, Lorcan stopped the movie and shut the lid before picking it up. He carefully stretched his arm out and placed it on her desk. “Light off?”

“Mm-hmm.”

Lorcan tugged on the lantern’s string, plunging her room into darkness. The only source of light was from the moon shining through the window. Elide turned onto her side, extracting her limbs from him. His mind, so clouded with drowsiness and gentle affection, told him to follow her, so he did. She inhaled quickly, moving her head to the side. Lorcan dropped a kiss onto the curve of her shoulder, “Wanna sleep?”

She nodded, relaxing down into the mattress. He slipped his arm beneath her head, cushioning it beneath the pillow. Elide stretched her own arm out, her fingers slipping between his. Lorcan curled their arms towards him and hugged his left arm over her hip. Again, Elide’s same arm folded over his own, holding his hand. His chin rested on the top of her head, so he had her completely covered.

“G’night,” Elide breathed. She smiled faintly at Lorcan’s response, which was to squeeze her tighter.

“Sweet dreams, Lochan.”

<3<3<3

Lorcan woke up in the middle of the night, holding onto a shaking, sweating girl. He sat up, holding her tightly. “Lee? Lee, Elide,” he said, knowing that he shouldn’t shake her. “Elide, please, wake up.”

Carefully, he got up, keeping her on the bed. He smoothed his hand over her brow, feeling how hot she was. “Elide, wake up, sweetheart.”

She mumbled something, her eyes screwed shut. “N...no, sleep.”

“Get up,” he told her. “We have to cool you down, now.”

“Lorcan?” she asked, slowly opening her eyes. “Lor, where’d you go? Don’t go, please.”

“I’m here,” Lorcan promised, “I’m right here.” He slowly scooped her up, telling her soothing nothings as he carried her to the bathroom. “We’re just gonna cool you down, Lochan, I’m not going anywhere.”

She made a weak noise of pain, discomfort. Lorcan stepped into the tiled room and set her down on the floor. He crouched in front of the cabinet and opened the door, searching for a washcloth. Luckily, there was a stack of them right in front of him. He grabbed a couple and stood, glancing down at the girl. “You good there?”

“Warm,” Elide whispered, “too warm.” She babbled about something, no doubt a fever-induced hallucination.

His heart was beating far too quickly, but he needed to remain focused. Elide’s temperature needed to come down. If he could just get her fever to break, or lessen, Elide would be all right. Lorcan ran the tap and wetted the cloths, wringing them out so that they wouldn’t drip on her. Then, he lowered himself to her level, sitting next to her. “C’mere,” he said, cradling her head and pulling her towards him. Lorcan pressed the cloth against her forehead, then her cheeks.

She sighed, tilting her face into the cool touch. “Oh,” Elide relaxed. “Oh.”

“Yeah, there you go,” Lorcan patted her face some more, stretching his legs out. His back was against the side of the bathtub. Elide’s were curled beneath her, but she slowly began to unbend them and lay down. She rested her head in his lap and stared up at him, her hand weakly grasping his wrist.

“More, gimme more.”

In one hand, Lorcan gathered her thick hair away in a twist so it wouldn’t bother her and with the other, he dabbed her face. Her eyes slipped shut in bliss. He grinned, glad that he could bring her this small amount of relief.

Neither of them said a word for a while. Lorcan gently played with her hair and pressed the cloth to her pink skin until it wasn’t cold anymore. He dropped it in the empty bath and Elide slowly pushed herself up, her eyes more focused than they had been when he woke her up. “I need your shirt,” she said, her voice raspy and hoarse.

“Hmm?”

“Your shirt,” Elide repeated. She picked at her big hoodie. “I’m too hot, give me your shirt.”

Lorcan prayed to every god that had ever existed that Elide couldn’t see his red cheeks. “Um… ok.” He sat up and reached behind his head, pulling his shirt off in one motion. He handed it to her, refusing to meet her gaze. “Here ya go.”

He looked up, staring at the ceiling like he had never seen a more interesting thing. Elide moved to the side, just enough to take her hoodie off and let it fall. The tips of his ears burned bright red as he saw a flash of pale, smooth skin in his peripheral vision. Lorcan turned his head to the side, his nails cutting into his palms.

She laughed softly, poking her finger into his side. “I’m all done.”

Lorcan relaxed and looked back, almost choking when he saw her bare legs. His eyes snapped to her sweatpants, neatly folded alongside her hoodie. “Uh… water. You should have some water.” He rose onto his knees and took the glass beside the sink, running the water until it was cold. Lorcan filled the glass, then sat back down. “C’mere, sweetheart.”

“You keep calling me that,” she murmured, leaning against him once more. “You keep checking on me, making sure I don’t die of the flu…”

“Mm-hmm… so, what?”

“You like me,” Elide teased, taking the glass from him. “You’re so into me.”

“Oh, yeah? I am?” He was trying to play it off as a joke, desperate to keep it a secret. Even if everyone else knew, Elide didn’t. And he liked her, he liked having her as his tutor, so he wouldn’t do anything to mess it up. “I think you’ve got some brain damage from the fever, Lee.”

She took the glass, drinking deeply. Elide put the water down, shaking her head as she tipped herself down again. “Mnh-mnh, nope, you like me.”

Since she was laying on her side, Lorcan rested his hand on her waist. “You’re a cocky one, aren’t’cha?” He grabbed the other cloth and half-twisted towards the bath. Lorcan squeezed the last drops of water out before dabbing her face again.

Elide grabbed his wrist again, but instead of pulling it closer like the last time, she pushed it away. “Lorcan.”

“Yeah?”

“Why are you here?”

He frowned, slowly putting the washcloth down. “What do you mean? You’re sick. I’m taking care of you.”

“Like you’re my boyfriend,” Elide said, utterly no emotion in her voice. “And you aren’t. This isn’t real, you know.”

His heart dropped faster than it ever had. He answered oh-so carefully, “I know. We’re just… I know, Elide.”

“So. Why are you here?”

“Because it is real.”

She scoffed, pushing herself up. “Lor—”

“No, I need to tell you,” he cut her off, his wrist still caught in her grasp. Lorcan searched Elide’s eyes, “Elide, this isn’t- I don’t like Maeve, ok? I don’t like her, I have no interest in ever being in any kind of relationship with her ever again.” He continued, hoping that the gleam in her eyes wasn’t the shine of tears. “Elide, I like you. I want to be with you, I want to be your—”

Elide surged forward, dropping his arm in favour of resting her hand on the side of his neck as she kissed him.

For a moment, just a split-second, Lorcan froze. He responded quickly after, shifting closer to her.

“Shit,” she mumbled, pulling away. She was panting slightly, her eyes wide open. “Oh, fuck, I’m sorry. I- I’m sick and- and I really like you too.”

“You do? Really?”

Elide nodded, laughing a bit. “Yeah. A lot, actually.”

He smiled widely, his face bright. “That’s- that’s good. Um, and, don’t worry. About the kiss. It was nice.”

“Oh, good.” She grinned, then looked down at her lap. “What happens now?” Lorcan stood up and bent down, scooping her up once more. Elide gasped through her nose, automatically clutching his shoulder.

He chuckled and carried her into the hallway. “Well, now what happens is you get better and you let me take care of you without an interrogation.” She snorted and nodded, her head laying against him. “And then, when you’re all better, I’ll take you out on a date. A real one, nice restaurant, maybe some flowers. You like lilies, right?” Elide nodded again, her smile growing. She tilted her face up, eyes on him. “You’ll wear something cute, I’ll wear something cute. It’ll be nice.”

“Yeah? Are you going to kiss me at the end of the night?”

Lorcan shouldered her door open, then gently kicked it shut. “I might.”

“Are you going to ask me to be your girlfriend, for real?”

“Maybe.”

“Lorcan!”

“What, I can’t tell you everything,” he reasoned while putting her down in bed. “I have to keep some of the mystery alive, sweetheart.”

She rolled her eyes, scooting over so that there would be space for him. “You’re impossible, you know that?”

Lorcan took his spot next to her and folded her into his chest. “Oh, you can’t fool me.” She hummed in question as she draped herself across him. “You’re so into me, Lochan.”

Elide laughed against his warm skin, conceding. “Yeah, yeah, maybe I am.” She looked up at him. “Just a little bit.”

“Nah, nah, s’more than a little bit, sweetheart.” He dipped his head, his nose bumping into her cheek. “Gimme a kiss.”

“No, you’ll get sick,” she laughed, her hand cupping his jaw. “I mean, how shitty of a girlfriend would I be if I got you sick within ten minutes of our relationship starting?”

“Sweetheart, you know none of it was fake, right? All that stuff, all those dates and going to parties and dinner with your family and that stuff,” he said. “It wasn’t for Maeve. It was for you. Well, us. But mainly for you.” Slowly, Lorcan rolled them, making sure that he wouldn’t crush her with his full body weight. “So technically, we’ve been dating for a month and a bit now. Besides, I got my flu shots, so my chances of contracting the virus are significantly lowered.”

Elide strung her arms around his neck, her hands twisting in the air above his head. “Oh, you did?” She tilted her chin up, brushing her lips against his. “Well, since you got your flu shots…” Elide kissed him more fully, carding one hand through his hair.

Lorcan melted into her, closing his eyes. “What’s the harm,” he mumbled.

<3<3<3

dumb boy ❤

Elide: sugar-boo where are you Elide: mr. perrington’s doing attendance he’ll be pissed if you're skipping

Lorcan: One (1) Photo Attachment

Elide saved One (1) Photo Attachment from Lorcan Elide: YOU LOOK CUTE BUT YOU'RE STILL IN BED GET UP Elide: WTF ARE YOU DOING WE HAVE A TEST TODAY

Lorcan: ur gonna laugh at me

Elide: why would i laugh at you im WORRIED for your ACADEMIC CAREER

Lorcan: 🙄 Lorcan: i got the flu

Elide: i Elide: ur joking right

Lorcan: no im rlly sick Lorcan: i have a fever and im tired and this is the worst thing ever Lorcan: i thought the hallucinations would b fun but they’re just weird and creepy Lorcan: im the dumbest boy in school :(

Elide: lmao honey you aren’t the dumbest boy in school

Lorcan: i just wanted a kiss and now im being punished for it Lorcan: the gods are anti-young love

Elide: ohhh you’ll be fine i’ll come by at lunch Elide: i’ll bring you soup and skip my afternoon classes

Lorcan: nope i’ll be dead by then Lorcan: straight up im not living through this the gods need to take me now

Elide: wow you’re dramatic aren’t you Elide: and to think you could’ve avoided all of this if you listened to me Elide: you’re regretting that kiss rn

Lorcan: nahhh nah i’m not taking it back sweetheart Lorcan: i’d do it again

Elide: omg that’s so cheesy ew barf Elide: say something you actually mean

Lorcan: oh wooowwwww i’m cute asf and ur just a hater

Elide: gods you baby Elide: stay alive for two more hours pls i want to see u one last time b4 u die </3

Lorcan: i’ll try my heart Lorcan: pray for me

Elide: <3

<3<3<3

an: uhhhh hehe enjoy ? thats like the first thing ive finished in a month so. yay. elide and lorcan cuteness ! my fave <3

also i am not doing tag lists anymore cause they take too long + i do not post enough to need one i think

[thunderheadfred]

🤚The Second Worst (Pt. 1/?)🤚

Part 2 of my Shigaraki Thesis Headcanons. HC's // The Second Worst: 1 - 2

The half-mad ghost of Shimura Tenko is in love with you, and your life is about to become a tragic wreck. -- AKA here's when I gave up on bullet points and went off the fuckin rails

I'm self-conscious about writing so much, so uhhhh, please be kind, hahaaa. This is rather long and involved. Are these still even HCs or just a self-indulgent AU outline? There are some mysteries we may never solve.

This is on AO3 now, if you prefer reading there. Anyway. Minors do not interact.

- - - - -

You met Tenko before the League existed.

Believe it or not, there are a million ways it might have happened, but in the end: you were both bargain-binning in Akihabara.

You reached for a copy of a collectible bullet-hell cute-'em-up (near-mint! CIB!!!) and accidentally bonked hands with a complete stranger. He flinched about five million feet away from you. Ouch. You're just a nobody, quirkless and average, but you didn't think you were THAT repulsive.

(You're not. Hell, even if you were, this guy couldn't care less. He barely registers that you have a face.)

(Shigaraki is accustomed to getting in and out of this shop in seconds. He always comes in before anyone else and goes straight home. -- Is that really home? Is 'home' a real place? -- ANYWAY he's already pirated this shit, god, why does he even care? He doesn't need to be here. Father doesn't like it. Is that why he's here? Just to do something Father doesn't like? That's pathetic.)

He's had at least ten complete internal arguments with himself before he so much as looks at you.

You know in the tenth of a second he actually meets your eyes... this fucker is going to fight you to the death over this game.

- - - The death match ends in a draw. He was not expecting you to know the first fucking thing about this game. Nobody knows about it, even in Japan. Who the fuck do you even think you are? Oh, no, he's still taking it. But... maybe he can show you how to play it it. He'll give you a little taste, just to make you jealous. He's got his hoodie pulled down like he's going to commit an act of terrorism. What little you can see of his face looks twitchy and messed up. If you have any survival instincts at all, they're kicking in right about now. But... why not. You're not going anywhere with this dude unsupervised, so you suggest a crowded web cafe down the street. The cafe has the necessary console... but the retro gaming booth is laughably small. The TV is about four inches across and you end up having to practically sit in his lap. You were sure this guy was a nasty fucking creep, but he's................ only mostly terrible. Way too angry, for sure. Has no idea how to have a normal, friendly conversation. Inadvertently insults you every other sentence and seems to have a deep-seated persecution complex.

You'd prefer to be mad about the awful company, but... he's obviously deprived of human contact. When it's established that you two share a lot of media fixations, he calms down and starts treating you a little more like a human being. Or at least like a fellow elite.

Wherever he came from, he doesn't seem to want to go back. He keeps pushing you to play one more level, pretending he wants to beat your score. You feel kinda bad for him. You get the distinct feeling that his life is a disaster. He looks like he's never had a full night of sleep in his life. He trips your trigger hairs in that 'is he gonna follow me home?' kind of way, but... up close, he's a lot more depressing than scary. At the very least, you want to buy him a stupidly cute dessert. Just... as thanks. For letting you try out the game and stuff. It's not a big deal, so just pick a flavor, okay? The world isn't actually that awful, y'know.

It's not even that impressive... Definitely not a great cafe. But he takes practically a full hour to eat a single slice of strawberry cake.

When the hoodie comes down. He's all shriveled and dried out, like someone left him him in the desert to die. He chews on his peeling bottom lip and nervously scratches his neck. He doesn't thank you for the cake. Which is fine. It's not a big deal. Actually, you wish he would eat faster; you feel weirdly responsible for him now.

Under all that mess he's... gorgeous? His hair is stunning: a bright, gleaming silver that catches the light. His bone structure is flawless. If it weren't for all the scars and the misanthropic slouch, he'd look like a fairy fucking prince.

You were not prepared for that. In another life he could have been a model, the type of guy who would never even look at you. But something bad happened to him. Something... very bad. Do you even want to know? You have no idea how to ask. Has anyone ever been nice to him? It doesn't seem like it. Should YOU be nice to him? You sort of want to try. - - - This becomes a regular thing. This weird little secret. You should probably tell someone when you see him, just in case you don't come back one day, but you say nothing; how the hell would you explain why you want to see him so bad? You don't know his full name. Maybe he's on a watch list. When he gives you a long string of random numbers so you can schedule meet-ups (is THAT his e-mail, really?) he tells you to just... call him Tenko. Or whatever. It doesn't matter. (He sneaks out when Father is deep in his plots. As long as he comes home on time, it doesn't really matter where he goes, right?) He brings a different game every time. He has an insane collection. Where does he get the money for all this? You know he doesn't work. God, is it drugs? It's probably drugs. Wherever these hidden gems came from, he proudly shows them off to you, like he's never had an audience before. It's sort of cringe-inducing, the way he one-ups and rubs every little victory in your face, desperate for attention.

But at the same time, you are becoming too... something...to mind. Do you... like him? He's not funny, but he thinks you are. His mouth is huge when he laughs. He seems to hate everyone but you, and you've had to earn the distinction of being merely tolerable. Still, he gets really excited about random shit like the garage kit black market and haunted dolls and the price of weed on the dark web.

And... strawberry cake. The realization hits you both at the same time when the waitress brings one piece with two forks. God, what the fuck, are you... are you dating? Quick, think. You look forward to seeing him, and don't even mind sitting close to him anymore. Sometimes you push your leg up against him just to see if he'll still flinch away... and he doesn't.

You jealously notice the way he touches everything but you: with delicate precision, one finger at a time. His large, elegant hands always have a pinky up like he's aspiring for a fiefdom, and you wonder what his skin feels like. You go home and dwell on the way he plucks flowering weeds out of the pavement in front of the cafe. The way he stands rooted to the spot as you leave, just... looking at nothing, unsmiling.

You watch his lips too much, and not just because you want to buy him chapstick. You catch him gaping at you all the time. You thought he was just creepy like that, but maybe... Yeah. I guess you are dating him. Shit. - - - Okay, so, yeah. Bringing him back to your place was definitely a bad idea. You know you shouldn't trust him, even if he is... apparently... your boyfriend? Sort of? You still don't have his phone number. So. Um. What now? You order overpriced pizza and queue up a campy horror movie. What the fuck are you even doing. You don't really think he's going to murder you anymore, but... still. Is the suburban massacre scene gonna give him ideas? Turns out, no. He doesn't like gore, even when the blood is neon pink. He gets upset. Like, really upset. Shaky and green, like he might puke on you. He can't stop scratching that scaly spot on his neck.

Tenko, are you crying? Fucking hell, did you just trigger him? Of course he has a traumatic past, it's carved all over his face. You're so fucking stupid. You don't know how to make it right. You want to hug him, kiss him... anything. But he's never really touched you, and you're too afraid to push now. It ruins the whole night. He leaves without explaining anything. Doesn't even say goodbye. He just. Leaves. Maybe you'll never see him again. Maybe that's for the best. Your chest hurts. - - - He shows up at your door a few weeks later. You haven't heard from him since that disastrous movie night. You had pretty much accepted that you'd broken up with a boyfriend you never actually had. But no. Apparently not.

This time, he’s brought his own entertainment. He's holding a boxed set of some show you're not familiar with. You're distracted by these weird little half-gloves he's wearing, like a cyberpunk hacker. That's a new look, and even if it's a bit edgelord adjacent, he makes it look cool. You tell him as much. It's the first time you've let on how attractive you find him. He's wearing a tight black shirt with a deep, deep V-neck. That's distracting too.

He clears his slender throat and doesn't look at you.

You try to apologize for before, but he's acting like it never happened. What are you even talking about? Have you seen this OVA or not? Get out of the way and let him in already. You've watched three episodes now, but you still have no idea what this stupid anime is about. You can't pay attention to a single frame. All you can think about is how his arm has crept up behind your shoulders. A few inches more and he'll be holding you. Does he... want to hold you? You lean toward him so slowly your spine creaks. One molecule at a time. After a thousand years, your head slides nervously under his chin. His arm comes down, locking you in, fingers clutching your sleeve in a death grip. Even that snobby little pinky. His head tucks down into you hair. A sharp collarbone bites into your cheek. His heartbeat is hard, fast, and irregular. There's not a scrap of fat on him, and as you wrap your arm around his stomach, you think you see a twitch in his pants. Is that just you being desperate? Or... hopeful? This is really happening. --- Soon, you learn that Tenko is a clumsy kisser. It doesn't matter; the fact that he's kissing you at all is good enough for now. His lips are dry, but not half as dry as you expected. There's a slick of menthol helping things along; he's been using something medicated on his lips. Plus, his mouth tastes like he drank a gallon of mouthwash.

All this thrills you more than a little, because it means he came here wanting to impress you. Wanting you. Full stop. Underneath that minty sting is a strange, worrisome aftertaste, like something rotten. Your brain fires off an alarm. Stop kissing him. Right now. This thing will make you sick. But his hands nervously slide over your body... and you decide not to worry about it. Instead, you kiss him deeper. He makes a sweet, startled little noise. Your brain is a fucking liar. It occurs to you he's probably never done this before.

When you lace your fingers in his and try to pull one of his gloves off, he rips his hand away.

Don't. That’s the only explanation he gives.

No need to ask if it's a quirk thing or a trauma thing. Judging by how jittery he gets, it's probably both. You remember the way his hands almost float over objects without ever holding them. Maybe his touch is dangerous. Maybe that's why his face looks like that.

Maybe you should learn more about him before things go way too far...

No. It can't be that bad. Now that he's in your arms, everything frightening about him evaporates. He's vulnerable. He's alone. He's shaking a little. Has anyone else ever seen this side of him? You want to keep him all to yourself, just like this.

So what if he has to touch you with gloves on? You've heard of worse quirk-related inconveniences.

It's okay, Tenko. Do you want to keep going?

You put his hands back on you and wait for him to kiss you again. It doesn't take long.

---

You open his pants. He's long and thin, calloused even here. Every part of him feels untouched, unloved. You hold him tight and squeeze.

It doesn't seem to occur to him to please you in return. He looks afraid. Confused. You're sure you scared him earlier with the glove thing. Is this too much? No. He gasps and leans into you. The tiniest, broken please.

He cums in your hand right away, face buried in your shoulder, his eyes wet and hidden.

I have to go, he says. Over and over and over.

It's okay, Tenko.

You know he doesn't want to.

- - - - - (oops I wrote more)

[traincat]

Hey so, why is it that so many,when talking about johnnys sexuality, keep using the word gay? Idk maybe im just damaged from all the bi erasure in other fandoms and in canonically queer characters but while there's a lot that implies johnnys attraction to men, that doesnt exactly negate his - albeit limited- attraction to women. Like i ofc want us to get an out and happy johnny but as a multisexual guy, I would hate to see them do what they did with iceman and just go for the Gay label, y'know?

Same anon as bi erasure one. I want to add that obviously i have nothing against gay people or gay rep, im just tired of how queer ppl (men in particular) get treated like we're all gay when theres such a wide spectrum and fluidity to sexuality, you know? Usually in comics we get shoved to the back with crap like "morally inverted tony stark fucks women AND men" or morally gray/evil characters as being promiscuous enough to sleep with all genders which... obviously sends a rather nasty message

I think I have to start this one off by saying the very obvious, which is that I am not in charge of any Marvel property in any way, shape, or form, and I really have no control over their decisions in the slightest. We’d be reading very different Spider-Man comics right now if I did. I also have no control over how other fans choose to think of Johnny Storm. In short:

I know that, personally, I have gone back in forth in how I think of Johnny’s sexuality, but that recently, while doing Fantastic Four readthroughs specifically focused on Johnny, I’ve said I think he’s gay and not bisexual because I think I’ve made a pretty good case that his attraction to women has by in large been written, whether intentionally or not, as performative, uncomfortable, or, at its mildest, just really awkward, ie not sincere in its presentation. I’ve talked about the myth of playboy Johnny before and how the point where it starts in canon is important. I also have a really long post about my personal thoughts on the decades and decades of queercoding where Johnny is concerned and how I came to my own personal conclusions on what I think about his sexuality and the writing trends that led me to this specific conclusion.  

I’m not erasing Johnny’s bisexuality because as far as Marvel has stated on the matter so far, at the time this post was written, Johnny is heterosexual. Even his brief sexual affair with Daken is subtextual, not hard canon -- Marjorie Liu has commented that it was written with that intention in mind, but it’s certainly possible to read the Dark Wolverine storylines Johnny appears in without a personal belief that they were fucking, because it’s not hard canon. (And if we want to talk about Marvel’s messy history of problematic bisexual representation, I personally think Daken “early appearances erotically asphyxiating a hookup to death” Akihiro is a pretty prime example, especially compared to the evil Iron Man orgy.) I think it’s interesting compare Johnny to Bobby -- something I do in the latter post linked above myself -- because, like Bobby, I think there’s a lot to dig into in Johnny’s canonical relationships with women that lend themselves well to this subtext, something I think it’s significantly harder to do with characters like, say, Spider-Man, specifically because of how those relationships were written. Which isn’t, in my opinion and from my standpoint, discounting those relationships entirely, but rather viewing in them in an alternative light. What I’m saying with Johnny specifically is that I think it would be harder to cast doubts about his genuine romantic or sexual attraction to women if there were fewer panels of him cringing away from being kissed by them. (They’re in the Johnny relationship history post. There’s a lot of them.) I also think it’s interesting that there are several out of main continuity universes that feature deeper dives into Johnny’s sexuality -- my go-to is always the incredible Startling Stories: Fantastic Four: Unstable Molecules, a mini-series dedicated to the lives of a fictional “real” group of people who inspired the Fantastic Four, where the Real Johnny is a teenager dealing with his sexuality in stifling ‘50s small town America. But I’m also not objecting to anyone’s personal read on Johnny as bisexual instead of gay, because, again, neither of these reads are canon at the moment, and also I really don’t want to get into the deep waters of fictional character sexuality discourse. It’s just my personal read on the character and I think I’ve previously made my case on why pretty well.

[skvaderarts]

Hiraeth Chapter 43: Grimoire

Masterlist can be found Here!

Chapter Forty-Three: Grimoire

Note: And here’s me, genuinely unable to remember if Vergil gave V his book back and what chapter that could have happened in. I’m certain he has, but fuck, really that bothers me. Not even joking. It was so many chapters ago. So many months… 

(-~-)

 One day later…

Thick sheets of ice shattered underfoot like faulty glass, sending a slurry comprised of semi-melted ice and slushy snow jetting out in all directions. The temporary surface slid slightly, but due to the height of the surrounding snow, didn’t migrate very far and was still able to be walked upon if done so carefully.

It had stormed in the short time that they had spent away, leaving the entirety of Redgrave and its surrounding municipalities covered under a moderately thick blanket of powdery-white snow. But today was different. The snow had gone from heavy clumps stuck together by the moisture in the air to soft flurry barely noticeable to casual passers-by, and the sky had gone from an overcast gray to something substantially darker, the foreboding clouds admittedly daunting to take in.

More than one storm was brewing just over the horizon, and no one present was sure what to make of it. They knew that they were not ready for what was to come, but now was the time to prepare for it, nonetheless. Underestimating their opponent would gain them no favors, and as a result, they could only do their best to over-prepare for the unexpected. Simply waiting and hoping for the best was out of the cards, at least in most respects.

Having left just after Aluta’s unfortunate diagnosis of V’s newly contracted ailment, Vergil had yet to return. Not a soul knew of his whereabouts, and several possibilities were tossed about amongst everyone aware of his sudden departure, but in regards to concrete proof? Well, everything was still up in the air. It had only been a day so far, but it had still been somewhat jarring when everyone had prepared to leave and they were one descendant of Sparda short of a complete set. Where had he gone at a time like this, and what was keeping him.

But knowing full well that simply sitting idly by and awaiting his return would do them little good when they could be using that time to do something more meaningful, they had opted to return home at the time that they had originally scheduled, unsure as to what else they could do in a situation like that. Vergil knew his way home. They would simply have to wait to see what happened. And while they waited to see what the outcome of his unscheduled trip was, they would prepare themselves in any and any way that they could.

Standing in front of the front steps to his home, V wrapped his arms around himself and took a few deep breaths, exhaling slowly and allowing the chilled air to cool his lungs. He shivered, feeling a chill crawl up his spine as he exhaled again and watched the frost blow from his mouth. Despite everything he had been through in it, there was still something he found relaxing about the sight of snow; something primal within him that awakened at the slightest touch of the frozen water molecules. His muscles didn’t agree with his mind in this regard, but he still enjoyed it in spite of that. But that time had now passed, at least for the foreseeable future. He had been warned to stay within the confines of his home for reasons that he was told would make more sense to him once he returned. And now that he was back, he was willing to believe that Aluta might have been onto something.

Flora nodded in approval as she looked at the snow-draped building, watching as a large ice sickle dropped from one of the overhanging windows above and crashed into the ground, shattering like a thousand broken dreams. She turned as he approached, her long white coat trailing against the ground as she did so. Her long black hair had been placed into two loops, hanging from the lower portion of either side of her head. She popped her gum as she tucked her hands into her pockets, a strange flavor that V was certain he’d never heard of before just by looking at the color of the bubbles it made. After all, how often did someone chew black gum?

“What flavor is that?” He asked

“The gum? Oh, it’s black licorice. A favorite of mine. I’m told that makes me quite the outlier. Can’t say that I mind, though.” She shrugged nebulously, stepping out of the way as he unlocked the door and opened it. He then stepped to the side and allowed her to pass him, sure that she probably wanted to get out of the cold just as much as he did. “Care to try it?”

 V hadn’t exactly brought any luggage with him. It was just an overnight trip, and more pressing obstacles had stood in the way of more trivial things like reading. All he really had with him was a change of clothes, and nothing more. Well, aside from his book, but that didn’t count. It never left his side, even when he didn’t make the fact that he had it known to anyone else.

He shook his head politely, declining her generous offer. “I appreciate the offer, but no thank you. I like the tea quite a bit, but aside from that… Well, I’m afraid not.“

She nodded, shrugging in polite indifference. In truth, that was the answer she was expecting. After all, it was the one she normally received when she offered someone some of her favorite candy. It was genuinely amazing to her that licorice companies stayed in business with the number of people that she’s met who hated it with a passion. Where did the demand come from?

“Fine by me. I get that. Most people besides me don't seem to like it much. Guess it’s a matter of taste” She said, popping the gum again. She unwrapped another stick, pausing for a moment to add it to her mouth. She then continued to chew, stopping only when she was forced to migrate the gum to one of the sides of her mouth in order to speak. “ I’ve never actually had the tea. Didn’t know that it was even a thing.” 

“Yea, you're probably right about that. I don’t think I know anybody that likes that stuff now that you mention it.”

Both V and Flora turned to watch as Nico approached them from around the corner. Having just stashed the van in the garage, she was now ready to join them inside of the house where it was presumably warm and not snowing. In truth, she was willing to take at least one of those things. Anything was better than freezing to death in the snow outside of V’s front door. She liked to look at it, and she didn’t mind going out in it, but in this outfit? No way, she was going to catch her death out there.

Smiling, Flora motioned for Nico to follow them inside and stepped across the threshold, brushing off her coat as she did so. As soon as Nico scampered through the doorway, V closed it and leaned his cane against the entryway wall before heading into the living room and immediately over towards the fireplace. There had to be some way to light it. There was fuel in it, after all.

Noticing her newfound companion’s plight, Flora headed over to watch, noting that he seemed to be looking around for something to light it with. She waited for a short while, not wanting to step on his toes in regards to something so simple, but admittedly growing colder and colder by the minute. It was something that she could remedy easily enough, but not something that she wanted to attempt in someone else’s house. She didn’t sense any notable traces of magic in this house, so that meant that there were no protective wards in place to protect it from fires. Well, at least for the time being.

Realizing that there wasn’t anything he could use to light the fire, he turned towards the young Ludwig girl, catching on to the fact that she was quietly offering her assistance simply by being there. He shrugged slightly, clearly unsure as to what she could do, but willing to take any help that she could offer him at this point. The nearest store had been burned down during his run-in with Belial, and he was admittedly still a little unsure as to whether or not he wanted to go shopping again anytime soon.

“Could you assist me with this, please? I have a hunch that you might be able to.”

A sneaky smile spread across her lips as she nodded and stepped forward, rubbing her hands together. She seemed to concentrate carefully on what she was doing before pointing her left palm towards the wood that had been added to the fireplace. She got in close and placed her hand on the log, whispering something for a moment before a small spark became a vibrant flame and she ignited the wood, allowing the fireplace to finally serve its purpose.

V nodded in approval, admittedly impressed and grateful to finally be able to warm himself by the fire. He would have to ask her how she did that, or at least purchase a fireplace lighter before she left. Something told him that he couldn’t just do what she had done. It didn’t look particularly easy when she had done it.

Upon realizing that she didn’t have to suffer in the cold hallway any longer, Nico came over and flopped down on the floor in front of the fire, clearly grateful for its rejuvenating warmth. She closed her eyes and laid down, forming a sort of snow angel on the wooden floor. Nico then pointed up towards Flora as she sat up again, nodding in dramatic approval. It wasn’t every day that you saw something like that.

“Sirrus did something like that once, but it was with some kinda black fire. It was pretty cool, not gonna lie.” Nico shook her head, seemingly still in disbelief that she was surrounded by so many extraordinary people. Her life had been so normal just a year or so ago. Well, as normal as it could have been considering the fact that she was working as a gunsmith and had recently met Lady. That had probably been the beginning of the end for her. “You think you could teach me some of this cool stuff you guys do in that big, fancy house of yours? Because I want in on that. It would be super cool.”

An almost teasing look crossed her face as she punched Nico playfully in the shoulder, coaxing an entertained but brief laugh from the mechanic as she sat up again and attempted to right herself. “I suppose nothing bad could come from showing you the basics. We're always looking for new disciples. Just don’t say I showed you. I’m certain that madam Willow would have my head for it if she knew.

Nico exclaimed excitedly, jumping up and heading into the kitchen. Flora and V made themselves comfortable in front of the fire in the meantime, seemingly ready to call it a day even though it wasn’t even noon yet. Perhaps that was the problem. It was too early for at least one of them, and almost too early for the other. Nico was too sporadic to say definitively. But as she sat there basking in the glow of the warm fire, something occurred to her that hadn’t the moment before. And thankfully Nico had returned from the kitchen empty-handed in the meantime. She could answer her question.

“Black fire you say? Very interesting… That’s quite the rarity if I’m not mistaken. I can barely make an orange flame.” Flora brushed her hair out of her face, clearly flustered slightly. What a strange thing to hear about from someone outside of the estate. She had never seen anyone wield that kind of power in person. She only knew about it through her studies. That kind of magic was forbidden. Too destructive from what she understood. “In fact, they are not quite flames at all, in that respect. Those flames, they burn cold. I’m curious what he hoped to accomplish using that type of fire.” 

Yawning, Nico sat back down on the floor and stretched out, unsure as to what else she could really add to that discussion until she remembered something. “Oh, believe me, Missy, it was definitely hot. Now that I think about it, the fire was black and white. Might have something to do with it. I don’t know, I’m not the one with the fancy magic.”

Flora blanched. Clearly, she had misheard that, or Nico was simply mistaken. Black and white flames together were simply unheard of. Was that even possible? Everyone she’d ever met put together couldn’t amass the power necessary to pull something like that off. Could Sirrus actually… 

“Now then, do you still have that scroll that you were given before your departure? I was told to assist you with it. Considering the circumstances, it should be invaluable, at least from what I have been led to believe.” Perhaps it was best to simply change the subject. After all, there was nothing she could do to influence things one way or another. The possession of that kind of power didn’t mean anything worrisome in the grand scheme of things. It was more down to the user than anything else when it came to deciding if an ability was hazardous or not. The gifts he might possess were potentially calamitous, but that didn’t mean that Sirrus was planning to wage a war of epic proportions against them simply because he possessed the ability to. Now she better understood what Hydrangea had been talking about all this time… 

V reached into the inside of his coat pocket and produced the scroll, handing it to her. She unfurled the piece of paper, carefully looking it over in the dim light before holding it closer to the fire so that she could see it better. After a moment, she nodded and then returned it to V, turning her attention back towards the fire. “Know what to do with it?”

He considered simply telling her no before deciding to look it over himself one final time, curious to know it was possible for him to glean anything useful from it in spite of his inability to actually perform magic. Well, at least on purpose. V was positive that he had accidentally done so on several occasions without realizing it, the first time he’d ever manifested his spectral canes being a stand-out example of that to him. He wasn’t sure if that was an inborn gift, or simply a case of him accidentally doing something he hadn’t known was possible. All that he knew was that he had wondered what would happen if he had tried to move his hand in a certain position after feeling a strange surge of power, and in that instant, he had figured out how to utilize that specific ability.

After studying the scroll for a moment, V furrowed his brow ever so slightly, sure that he had misunderstood what it was trying to impart upon him. He then turned his attention back to Flora, giving her a questioning look. “Am I to understand that this should be thrown into the fireplace?”

She nodded, seemingly impressed by the fact that he had actually been able to read the scroll. She then gestured towards the fire, moving out of the way so that he would be able to proceed. “Yes, as it turns out, this is a more advanced ward that requires activation instead of just reading it. Tossing it in should do the trick.”

Upon hearing this, Nico stood up, nearly falling over herself in the process. She steadied herself and brushed off her clothes, having accumulated a thin layer of dust from sitting so close to the fireplace. It seemed that V had missed that part of the room when he had attempted to clean. Or perhaps it had simply returned to that state after V and Flora looked at her curiously for a moment before she broke the silence, clearly excited.

“Okay, so…  can I throw that paper or whatever that is into the fireplace? Because I never get to mess around with this kinda stuff and it just seems super cool. I get to make stuff sometimes, but I can’t use it, ya know? I just wanna know what it’s like. That alright with you, V?”

Admittedly, V was shocked by her question. Her point was completely valid, but he hadn’t thought about the fact that Nico might feel that way. Something told him that she would probably be genuinely excited to wake up with demonic powers one day, unlike him who just didn’t know how to take it at first. He had no issue with her request, but was that even possible?

V looked over his shoulder at Flora as if to ask her if it would be possible to honor Nico’s request. She nodded, shrugging slightly but not unpleasantly. It seemed that it didn’t matter how it ended up in the fireplace. All that mattered was that it made it in there one way or another. He then turned to the mechanic and handed her the scroll, nodding in agreement. “Of course you can. Be my guest”

With a barely concealed yelp of excitement, Nico chucked the scroll into the rolling flames, going slightly wide-eyed as they turned bright purple and shot up the chimney and out of sight. A sort of heaviness lingered in the air for a moment and the windows and door rattled as the walls vibrated before settling down and returning to normal. Nico couldn’t have looked more excited if she tried.

Leaning over to teach Flora’s ear, V smirked slightly, more than a little amused. “Are you positive that you should teach her any form of magic? I’ve seen her drive. That is a disaster waiting to happen.”

(-~-)

Oh shit, I forgot to tell you all that Thursday is my Mom’s 50th birthday! We’re going to be celebrating basically all weekend, so I’m going to try my best to get the chapters out on time for Friday (I’m working on them today) but don’t be surprised if they are a little late. If you don’t see them on Friday, check back on Saturday! They should be out by then!

I hope you liked this chapter! See you in the comment section, and have an amazing day!

[shnuggletea]

InuKag Week 2020

Anyone else see this gift and have “Here I Go Again” play in their heads to it??

Well, some of you are thinking the worst of Inuyasha right now lol! I really wanted the chapter to end on that last line. You guys are lucky this is for InuKag week or you'd have to wait a week for this part. Since there wasn’t a reunion in part one, here it is! It still isn't really resolved at the end of this one but you only have to wait until tomorrow. @inukag-week​ sorry, I’m bugging you twice today!

Reunion Part Two

I couldn't breathe. Everything felt like it was on fire; my heart, lungs, eyes, and throat. Inuyasha was holding back my hair as I vomited up the nothing on my stomach but I pushed him away hard. Then stumbled away even farther.

"You're married?!"

"Kagome, please. Let me explain!"

I grabbed onto something for support but I really couldn't say what it was. "You're married. What is there to explain?! Oh god is this why you hid us? Why you refused to be the father to your own children?!"

"NO! I told you. That's for your safety…"

I heard his words but I didn't at the same time. "You hid us from your wife! All this time I actually thought our lives were at risk but it was just your life!"

"You and the kids are my life and I hide you to keep you alive!"

"Oh my god," another wave of nausea hit and only half of it was morning sickness, "do you have other children? Do you have another family with her?!"

Inuyasha grabbed my arms and I only let him because I was close to hitting the ground. "I have nothing with her. It was a marriage convenient for my family and forced upon me ten years ago. We lived together for two years, had a few nights of awkward and terrible sex, and then she left. A year later I found you."

I shivered at the thought, how Inuyasha bought me off the stage. How he owned me but I had nothing to tie him to me. I was his sex slave and all this time I was fine with it. It was kinda hot. But now his wife was returning. How would me and our children living in her home look? Moroha looked just like her father, beautiful blonde hair that was pure white. And Sota had glowing golden eyes from Inuyasha. One look and they were clearly his.

"My children really are bastards…" I mumbled in my haze of fear, loss, hurt, and confusion.

Inuyasha gave me a small shake as if to wake me up. "They're not, stop it! They're mine. Just like you're mine. This is a good thing, Kagome, her coming back. It means I can finally divorce her."

Taking a deep breath and trying to settle myself, I pulled out of his hold. "I've never asked or wanted for anything from you by means of commitment, Inuyasha. I've trusted you, believed in you, and bore your children without pause or hesitation. But now? You've broken all we've had."

I was right to spend all night last night in Inuyasha's hold. Because I wasn't sure I'd ever experience it again.

oOo

"That mother fucking asshole."

"Sango!"

I sideways glanced at the children who were in earshot while Sango swore like a sailor. "Sorry."

"And I take offense to that. I was the mother he was ducking." Sango smirked but otherwise stayed somber. "That's why I asked you to bring me those things."

"Because you're cutting him off but baby number three has you needing to get off so bad you need toys?"

"Yes." I said with a defeated sigh.

"When does the wife arrive?"

"Tomorrow. All of it has me feeling more than morning sick. I don't want to see her, Sango."

"Why not?!"

I hung my head in shame. "Because she's his wife while I'm…" a sad laugh and Sango grabbed my shoulder, "I'm not even the mistress. I'm his sex slave. He bought me, brought me here, wrecked me, all while married to another woman? I'm a homewrecker."

"No, she's the homewrecker. You're the one here with a family in this house. It's your home, more than it's hers!"

"You think me and the kids could come stay with you and Miroku for a while?" I begged.

"I'd love to have you but you know Inuyasha will never let you leave."

It was true. I hadn't been outside the compound since I snuck out to OBGYN with Moroha. There was nowhere for me to go, Moroha's school didn't ask anything from the parents except for a check once a semester that Inuyasha sent. The staff handled food and shopping. Sango always came to visit me here, what else was there for me?

Well, there was one thing I would have rather gone and gotten myself, picking up the small bag Sango brought with her that contained a little 'helper'. "So how do I use this?"

oOo

Laying on my side, far away from Inuyasha in his large bed, the one I used to think of as ours, I waited until he stilled and his breathing became even. After considering going to the bathroom for this, I shrugged the idea off. Getting up and going would wake him and then Inuyasha would come check on me when I was in there too long.

Looking at the small egg shaped vibrator, I had a feeling it would take me a while to get what I needed from it.

I had turned it on earlier that day to hear how loud it was and was pleasantly surprised to find it was pretty quiet. Turning it on again, I listened to the soft buzz as it danced between my fingers. Then I slipped it under the covers and pressed it to my clit. It had me swallowing my gasp, over sensitive from my hormones, maybe I had been wrong because this didn't feel like it would take long at all.

The little egg hummed against me and I hummed as softly as I could back. Slipping it a little lower, I considered putting it inside me and using my fingers on my clit when heat pressed into my back and hands wrapped around me.

"Kagome, wake up. You're having a back dream…."

I was so preoccupied I missed the shift in the bed when he moved closer to me. Inuyasha was running his hands over me, trying to wake me up, and he followed my arm down.

"What are you doing?"

"Nothing!" I said, elbowing him back a little.

He chuckled a little and returned, grabbing the wrist of the hand that held my egg of pleasure. "If you want it that badly, I'll gladly give it to you."

Now in his control, he rubbed my clit with the egg, using my own hold on it to manipulate it. "Stop it! I don't want you! I don't want you at all that's why I have this!"

"Did Sango bring this with her today? It's not used is it?"

"NO!"

I struggled against his hold but he was far stronger and soon the egg was in his hand instead of mine. He pressed it against my folds, using the tip to draw a circle in and around the skin. All while his cock pressed against my ass. "You've been avoiding me for days, Baby. I can't take much more."

Gripping the sheets before me did little to comfort as he began rubbing his dick between my ass cheeks, stopping only to pull my panties down and my sleep shirt up, out of his way. He kept the egg pressed to my clit and dipped his fingers inside me and I nearly came from the small action.

"Damn, Baby, you're soaked. Are you pregnant again?"

"What?! NO!" I panicked.

He continued to slowly pump his one finger inside me, feeling my walls as if not sure. "You always get like this when you're pregnant. You think I don't notice, but there are a bunch of things that always change when you're knocked up…"

"I'm just horny! Get off me!" I shoved him back with my elbow again. "I don't want to have sex with a married man!"

The bed shook as he worked his briefs lower and freed his cock. "Separated. I've been separated from her for almost a decade." Back against me, the egg he pressed never leaving, he panted right in my ear. "Besides, what's done is done. It's far too late to take it back and I don't regret a single, amazing, second of it." His cock pressed against my ass again and I quivered all over. "I know what you want."

Before I could ask, he reached over me to the nightstand and got out a condom. He only ever used those for one thing. "No."

He was already tearing open the foil. "You love anal when you're this horny."

"No."

Rolling the condom on with one hand and showing skills he had that I always marveled at, his covered cock rubbed at my entrance. "I just need a little lubricant."

He was using me like a bottle of lotion, rubbing between my thighs while he vibrated my clit and created more juices. "Inuyasha, stop."

I said no and stop but still pressed my ass out for him. Because not a single molecule of me actually wanted him to listen to me. I wanted him so bad, it hurt. As much as I hated myself for that, it was in the back of my mind for now, waiting until the rest of me was satisfied. There would be hell later when we finished but right now, I just wanted him to fuck me.

Thoroughly coated, Inuyasha removed his cock from my thighs and found my anus. Then slowly pushed in. Always a little tight at first, he waited for me to adjust before pulling out and sinking back in. "Oh god. You're gripping me so tight, Baby."

He cooed in my ear. I pushed my ass out a little more, silently asking him to go harder. Taking the egg, he slipped it down and pushed it up into my pussy, his fingers finding and pinching my clit before he took off behind me. With his free hand under me, he reached around and grabbed my breast, flicking my nipple in tempo with how he flicked my clit.

Any thoughts of any kind turned to mush as my entire body lit on fire. Inuyasha was bucking into my ass so hard, his balls clapped my entrance. I was gushing, the egg slipping around inside me and buzzing my g-spot. And my clit and nipple throbbed along with my walls.

I could feel Inuyasha's teeth on my skin but there was far too much other stimulus to register any more as I came so hard it hurt. Anyone that heard my screams might burst through the door any second now because it sounded like Inuyasha was killing me. And in a way, he was, my mind going numb with pleasure as I tumbled hard into ecstasy. I was still coming when he dug the vibrator out of me, putting his fingers in instead to feel me pulse around them. I felt the heat of his come as he filled the condom inside my ass. His groans sounded visceral behind me, telling me he was coming just as hard as I was.

His touch left me, Inuyasha rising to get rid of the condom and wash. The room was in and out as I blacked out a few times from the intensity of my orgasm. It was always a little scary when it happened but it was far from the first time Inuyasha had made me come so hard that I blacked out.

Now satisfied, those thoughts came roaring. I'd just had sex with a married man again. I couldn't stop it seemed.

Curling into myself, I returned to my solitary side but Inuyasha wasn't having it, curling right up around me from behind. He was kissing my neck, taking a fistful of hair and pulling it out of his way to place hot spit on my skin. "Get off of me."

His arms only wrapped around me tighter. "No."

"Inuyasha!"

"I gave you space,Kagome. But now I can't give you anymore." Proving his words, he wrapped a leg around me. "Especially with you pregnant again."

"I'm not pregnant." The lie rolled off my tongue with ease but his lies had for years.

"You should take a test. Or call see your doctor here."

"I'm not pregnant."

"Whatever you say, Kagome."

He was stroking my belly just over my womb. I wouldn't give him the satisfaction. Not of being right or in being a father again. Not when my future with him was so uncertain. All I'd done for the past three days was think about us, about our past, looking for any clues that he was using me as the sex slave I was instead of more like I had thought for years. There were moments of such tenderness and care, longing looks my way or soft caresses without sex involved or staring deep into my eyes while he was deep inside of me, things like that had made me think we were more than slave and owner. But then there were other moments that truly made me wonder.

"The first time we had sex, you tied me up."

"You want me to tie you up again? It was really fun those other times…"

"You told me it was so I didn't mark you. Was that so your wife didn't see?"

He sighed, loud and pissed, against my back. The heat of it made it through my thin sleep shirt. "No. I told you. Over and over again I didn't hide you from her I hid you from everyone. You still have no clue who I am do you? You don't know how easy it would be for one of my enemies to break me through you or the children."

"I never cared who you were outside this house. Because that's not the man I spent my time with. But I guess I should have cared. Then I would have known just where I stood."

He lifted and turned, holding his head over me to look down at me. "And where is that?!"

"Where I've always been. What you told me I was from the start. I'm your whore. Your sex slave."

I was on my back in a heartbeat, molten and angry eyes glaring down at me. "I have never treated you like a slave or a whore."

"Yes you did. All this time you did because you were married. I'm the other woman. Not even that much."

He got dangerously close to my face and growled. "You're right, you're not the other woman. You're my woman. Mine. And I didn't tell you about Kikyo because she didn't matter. Not to me and not to who you and I are together…"

"Of course, because I'm just your slave so why would you tell me..."

Sighing again, his anger flooded out of him and he rolled off of me to lay with his back to me. "You'll see soon enough, Kagome. I'll prove your worth to me."

oOo

I wanted to hide, I really did. But with the grand fanfare and the children getting interested, I found myself standing at the top of the staircase with the two of them. Inuyasha was as cool as a cucumber, as was the rest of the staff for some reason. I was the only one sweating as the large car pulled up out front and unloaded the entourage that had my babies so intrigued.

As far as Inuyasha's side, there was little flare and no dramatics. It all came from his wife and her people as they pushed inside. For a moment, I thought it would be hard to pinpoint the wife. But once I saw her I was sure.

Long, pin straight and perfect black hair down her back and a pale yellow dress, she was easy to spot. I was a little upset at first, thinking we looked too similar to be okay with. Then she removed her large sunglasses and saw we were actually complete opposites. My hair was never so perfect, curly waves that stopped in the middle of my back. And this woman was slim, more than I had ever been even before children.

Her gray eyes flashed up to mine, another large difference. As she climbed the stairs, Inuyasha following close behind as they discussed minor things like her travels and the weather, it was clear to see this woman also came from money.

Getting to the top, Sota wrapped around my leg while Moroha stood tall next to me. The wife stopped for a second, looking us over and surely seeing the traits Inuyasha implanted in his children as I did every day. If she did, she said nothing, turning with a huff and continuing on. Inuyasha paused to pass the kids a bright smile brimming with love. His eyes went to me for a second, something inside them I couldn't read before following behind the wife.

It got late and I put the children to bed. Not sure but with nowhere else to go, I made for what was mine and Inuyasha's bedroom. Going slow with my indecision, I was passed by the wife again. This time when he passed, his fingers brushed across my spine before quickly disappearing.

"I have a room set up for you…" Inuyasha began.

"Why?" Kikyo challenged, turning to face Inuyasha and me as I stood frozen in the middle of the hall. "This is my room and my bed. I want to sleep in it."

Without another word about it, Kikyo stepped inside. Leaving me alone with Inuyasha.

He sighed loudly, scrubbing his face. "I guess you can take the guest room…"

"Why not send me to a hotel at least? Why do I have to be here to see this? You're such an asshole Inuyasha."

"I know."

Turning, my only reprieve was that the guest room was on the other end of the house. That way I wouldn't have to hear Inuyasha and his wife make love tonight.

[jeaniegreysummers]

crying power || Jean & Bruce

WHO: Jean Grey-Summers ( @jeaniegreysummers ) and Bruce Banner ( @hulkout ) WHERE: Stark/Avenger’s Tower WHAT: Jean has spent weeks planning a big science experiment, with a single intended goal - to bring Erik Lehnsherr back from the dead, sans Phoenix. She recruits Dr. Bruce Banner to assist. WARNINGS: death mention, murder mention WORDS: 3.7k

JEAN: The widely held view within the walls of the Institute was that the Avengers were a bunch of over-hyped frat boys in receipt of extensive preferential treatment, and Jean was loath to disagree with them. After all, the X-Men had been fighting this world’s battles for decades before Nick Fury put together his merry little band of misfits, and all they got for their efforts was sent to Salem to hide behind masks and pretend they were ‘normal’ (whatever that meant). The Avengers got praise. They got accolades, got medals, got their faces plastered on billboards and songs written to celebrate their glories -- with one notable exception, at least from the original team.

Bruce Banner.

She’d researched him, before, followed him through with both a personal and scientific curiosity. He was a man born human who tried to make himself something more. He was a man playing with genes on government contracts, and it went wrong. He was a man who, it could be argued, deserved what he got.

But he was a man who, when given the potential to destroy entire cities, went on the run for years at a time. He was a man who took the role of scientist on a team where he could be the heavy hitter. He was a man who was very hard to find, a man who filled the role of pacifist far more than his friends.

And he was a man Jean needed, despite her previous feelings on him, despite everything else.

(Jean was good at putting aside personal feelings for the mission -- at least until the mission was over. She’d learned that from her father.)

Avengers Tower was a fortress. Its defences had been bolstered after the siege, even if Stark had backed down remarkably quickly (and uncharacteristically quickly, Jean noted). Still, the Phoenix could move her through in an instant, could have her in the labs a couple of seconds before the alarms started blaring.

Heels clacking against the linoleum, Jean stepped out of the darkness, coming into the direct eyeline of the very scientist she’d been looking for. “Dr. Banner,” she said, holding out her hand for him to shake. “A pleasure to finally meet you. Do you mind telling Mr. Stark’s lovely computerised assistant that I’m here for a meeting before I get shot at? That wouldn’t end very well for anyone involved.”

BRUCE: Inadvertently, people who often strayed too far from the limelight always made themselves a target. One small slip up and the mystery was far more notable than any secrecy. Still, it never surprised Bruce if someone knew his name, and surprised him far more if someone knew his face when he was much more human and much less green, donning a lab coat and a pair of reading glasses.

F.R.I.D.A.Y sent out an alert that someone was in the facility — not the actual housing unit — but credentials weren’t given. Typically that meant that Tony had allowed them past the new functionality they’d put in place, working endlessly on code and bantering over F.R.I.D.A.Y’s own comments through the night. It was almost easy to fall back into the routine of it — being Tony’s tech-guy. His science guy. The person he always counted on to be sitting on the lab stools well into the night.

It had been easy to fall back into being an Avenger too.

Which was why the snake of nerves in his stomach uncoiled and hissed at the sight of an X-Men in the lab. His safe haven. His safety room. The room of safeness where he drank his tea and poured over a biochem journal when he was stressed—

“We don’t really do the gun thing anymore,” Bruce balanced around the pencil between his teeth, hands preoccupied with realigning a piece of equipment, “If you were going to get shot, it probably would have been before the big doors opened for you.” With a hiss and a click, the mechanics slid into place, Bruce turning his attention toward his guest. Tony’s guest? Jean. White? No. Grey. “Hi. Uh,” Bruce dropped the pencil, looking at his hand afterward when he thought about the possible saliva transfer. Gaze flickering over the smooth, cool one of Jean’s, he hesitantly gripped her much smaller ones in his own, “Bruce. Well. You know that. You just called me by name. Anyway, hi — what are you doing here exactly? Tony’s not here. Well, I mean, he’s here, he’s just not here.”

JEAN: The answer seemed simple to anyone on the outside, to those who still believed the carefully crafted story that Jean’s propensity for dragging herself (and others, now) from the grave was a secondary mutation meticulously honed. For all intents and purposes her resurrections had been flawless, and if she wasn’t as close to Scott as she was, she may not have noticed a difference -- but she did. She saw Erik shift, felt the cool off her husband’s skin, saw how Maddie’s smile twisted just a little too sharp. She knew it was the bird within them, knew the effect it could have, knew how it could blend things until the horrific was justifiable.

Jean couldn’t use the Phoenix to bring Erik back, but she needed him. She needed him as a father, of course -- needed him more than she’d needed almost anyone. She needed him as a leader, too. The future they had built, the legacy he left behind, that was threatened by the Black Knights. It was threatened from the inside as much as outside forces. Genosha balanced on a knife’s edge, and she needed to guarantee safety for her daughter.

It’ll be Rachel, one day. Jean wasn’t going to allow that to happen. She’d always been a pragmatist -- a soldier’s daughter.

“You’re telling me a Stark backs away from things that go boom?” Jean asked, an eyebrow raising. She managed to keep her more aggressive thoughts about Iron Man to herself, managed to train her voice to a careful tease rather than anything too condemning. She wasn’t particularly concerned about the concept of Bruce refusing her, but she always preferred to use her words than her powers -- and she wasn’t entirely sure how it would work with the Other Guy. She’d seen the wreckage in South Africa post Scarlet Witch intrusion. “See, the doors didn’t open. I scattered my molecules, went through the wall. I think that’s why your electronic friend is having a mild coronary.”

Tony’s not here. Jean held back a snort, and simply nodded instead. “I know he isn’t. I sent him to my lab in Genosha.” He was easier to distract than she thought he would be, although Jean did get the distinct impression Stark was aware he was being distracted and went with it regardless. He got the opportunity to dig around her archives, after all, so it was a win win. “I was looking for you. I have a case I’d like to get your input on.” Jean reached for her bag, pulling out a stack of papers which she set on the workbench between them. “I was looking into the Cradle,” she said. “My colleagues seemed to think it was a thing of legend, but I’m not so sure. Every myth has its place in reality, right? Now, imagine the Cradle, combined with that nanotech Stark boasted about at the Expo. Imagine it combined with the energy I can provide, or take from the people around me.”

Jean allowed the words to settle, eyes flashing with just a hint of orange as she finally met Bruce’s gaze. “I could bring my father back to life,” she said. “I could bring him back to life, but I need you to do it. What do you say?”

BRUCE: It would have been easy to get defensive - to say that there’s no way he would be stepping toe into anything that so much as even sort of resembled Cradle. That he wouldn’t be participating in playing God anymore and that his time years and years of time for all of the nonsense was over. He’d gone into hiding for a purpose after all — but the notes in his desk drawer currently, the ones marked in blue and black ink with little comments from FRIDAY as he worked, said otherwise. The ones with the exact nonsense he hated - like time-travel.

And then, the words really hit him. “You ... Erik’s dead?” Dark eyelashes fluttered, dipped in cherry red in the right light, and Bruce had to hold himself back. He strayed away from the news. Purposefully so, considering most of the time it was negative things (like the world exploding, or Bruce going on a rampage, or more terrorist attacks on meta-humans and mutants).

The ache clawed it’s way from his stomach and into his throat, and for a second the whole world flashed green, tilting sideways and knocking into his skull like the angry fists of a small child who was too large for his age. Uncontrolled, like a battering ram.

Caramel eyes flickered down to clenched fists on the metal table in front of him, indents of his fingertips marring the edges in warped zigzags where his hold was too strong. Where Hulk’s hold was too strong. His reflection in the same metal table showed that same jade at the corners of his temples too.

“How did it happen?” Using her words as a bartering chip, Bruce would get his answers. After all, she couldn’t access it without him, without Stark (and deep inside, he’d hoped that Tony would say no if Bruce asked him to).

The scientist ignored that the same rumble of hurt in the guts of him called out for Erik, his new friend, his new maybe-something if Bruce didn’t fuck it up. He would bring Erik back. He didn’t really have a choice. “How did it happen?” He repeated again, less strangled this time.

JEAN: There was that word again. Dead. So final, so complete, so absolute — to everyone but Jean Grey, it appeared. To everyone but the people Jean Grey loved the most (her best friend, her sister, her teammates and fellow soldiers … it was only a matter of time, she told herself, before they were all back on firm ground) it lasted beyond human compression, spanned centuries and even longer. Legacies lasted for a millennia but death? Death drew on even after that.

Death wouldn’t draw on for Erik Lehnsherr. Logically, they needed him. Emotionally, Jean had been half alive since he took his final breath. Scott could scarcely get words past the lump in his throat. Maddie was shifting, changing, questioning. The world wasn’t on its even keel anymore, and they had battles and wars facing them they had no idea how to handle alone — and he was her father. More than anyone else, he was her father. He raised her, cared for her, protected her. Challenged her.

Was killed, by her.

“He’s—” Jean wanted to correct him, wanted to say something like not alive or not breathing or temporarily indisposed, but those would be lies. She couldn’t feel him anymore. Neither could Lorna, who lost her due north. “He’s dead.”

And then she got a front seat to Banner in all his grief, in all she needed to know to realise she’d been exceptionally strategic in choosing him for this request. She knew this already, of course. Erik taught her compassion, taught her love, taught her how to decode messages and read faces and expressions — but he also taught her how to plan, how to read people.

How to use people, that small voice provided. Jean pushed it to the back of her mind. That wasn’t what this was. She could do it by herself, if she wanted, if she so desired. The only reason she was here was because she was trying to do things differently, trying to learn from past mistakes. Trying to be better.

(But there was still a part of her that hoped, when that flicker of green came across his irises, when his grip increased on the steel of the table. There was a. part of her that yearned for a fight, a flicker that turned into a spark. We haven’t had a challenge like this in a while, the Phoenix crowed. A good way to expel some energy. A good way to level New York, more like.)

Jean clasped her hands behind her back, wringing them together as she waited. Charles’ lessons were still clear and bright in her mind. She was strong enough to hold him back, perhaps, if she tried — but getting into his head wasn’t what she was here for. Making him comply wasn’t who Jean was.

It wasn’t who she wanted to be.

The moment passed, and she didn’t breathe a sigh of relief. She didn’t react at all. He asked the question she knew was coming, and she steeled herself, prepared for a rejection.

We could make him do it. We could. Stop holding yourself back. We have all the pieces, now, you and Madelyne. Why ask anyone else—

“It is a very long story,” Jean prefaced, “and from what I understand, you will want to know each detail. I’m not sure I can provide that much. There’s a lot even we don’t know, as X-Men — as mutants — but I’ll tell you all I can.”

Where to start?

“There is a cosmic force,” she began, “an entity I’ve only known referred to as the Phoenix Force. It is, for lack of a better term, the embodiment of life itself. It’s capable of great feats, and draws even more power from the universe if it has an appropriate host.” This time, Jean did chew on the corner of her lip, did lose some of the strength in her shoulders and confidence in her stance. “I’ve been its host since I was eighteen years old. It always protected me, brought me back when I was injured or … or when I was killed. It did the same for my husband, after Central Park. But there’s a cost.

“It takes everything in you, and makes it stronger. Anger becomes rage, affection becomes passion. Love becomes all consuming, but so does hate. And in my ignorance, I split a piece of this force, and it found a home in Erik. It … changed him. Altered him. Encouraged him to make decisions he would normally measure more carefully.”

She didn’t want to talk about the missiles, not in detail. She didn’t want to tell this man how she scarcely held her father back from committing a massacre against the very people Banner had fought alongside with the Avengers. She didn’t want to tarnish the memory that still existed of him in the public consciousness — a flawed man, perhaps, but ultimately heroic for what he had done for his people.

“He was a danger to himself and others,” she settled on. “I made the decision, as I did for myself many years ago, to end that particular threat before it went any further. We saved the world, but I lost my father. My sister lost her father. My people lost their leader, my husband lost his light, and Erik lost his life.” She sucked in a breath, brought her hands around to the front. “I hope if we can restore the latter,” Jean continued, “the rest might fall into place.”

Wishful thinking, perhaps. Wishful thinking — but God, wasn’t that what the X-Men were built on?

BRUCE: One talent that Banner and Hulk actually shared was the ability to stay quiet; read the room for tells, evaluate situations based on the now rather than the could be.  While the scientist in Bruce often disagreed with Hulk’s methods of ‘smash now, ask questions later’ there was definitely something to it.

The urge to put his fist through the metal table quelled just a few moments after it had appeared, but there was something about Jean’s story that just didn’t add up to him. So you and Scott took it into your own hands to decide whether or not he got to live or die? Bruce didn’t actually say it, but the desire was strong. Lucky for him, he had much better self-preservation than Tony or Clint, and he let the woman finish her explanation before he even tried to comment.

“You know death does not come with convenience, right? If it’s not the…” He swallowed, “Phoenix, it will be something else.” Like lack of forgiveness, or Erik coming back a lifeless zombie. There wasn’t an exact science, to resurrection. At least not yet. After all, it was one thing when you had an internal power that was able to bring sustenance back to regenerative cells, it was another when you were starting from scratch, like with the CRADLE. Bruce would have to write algorithms based on Erik’s DNA: mutated DNA.

He said so, a moment later, but his words were not dismissive in nature. Instead, they were just facts.

Bruce Banner was going to help bring back a man who was likely better off dead. But you don’t want him dead either, Banner a voice betrayed in his psyche. How obnoxious, to be betrayed by his own subconscious. The physicist had spent countless hours staring at DNA. Sorting how to evolve and demonstrate it differently when being accessed through a different source code. Pulling it apart like the strings of a handmade sweater, like he’d done with his and Hulk’s. While he was specifically oriented in gamma-radiology, it should have been less complicated to perform tasks with something much more humanoid than Hulk would ever be.

“Okay.” Bruce said finally, twirling his hands around one another with some thought, “I’ll help you.” He should have made conditions. Should have said, But if things go wrong, it’s your fault. But he didn’t. Wouldn’t. Wanted to see his friend again. Wanted to share a connection with someone who was inherently good, despite what the outside world may have perceived.

Standing from his stool, Bruce marched forward with an odd confidence, “It’s going to take me some time to write the code. I need his file. Uh, anything you can get me pre-Auschwitz.” Bruce looked at her from under his fringe, one sturdy finger pushing up the rim of his round glasses.

JEAN: No one thought of Jean Grey as the brains of the operation in the early days of the X-Men. They all had their respective roles. Scott was the stoic leader, Warren was all charisma and private school charm, Bobby was the comic relief, Hank was the scientist and Jean … well, Jean was the girl. She was the one who tried to hold them together, the person who knew instinctively when someone was upset long before she went venturing into their mind (perhaps a little too far in the early days, before she learned restraint -- before she learned that curiosity shouldn’t win out against sanctity), the one who defended Charles and softened Scott and hardened Warren in the places that mattered.

No one thought of her as anything other than the girl on the pedestal, or the body rotting six foot under. No one thought of her past the tragedy, a life ended far too soon and then violently brought back into the present, constantly within and without, years missing where she was absent from lives that moved on without her. (Bruce said death wasn’t convenient like she wasn’t the person who knew that the most, like she hadn’t lived and died more times than anyone could ever imagine). She opened her mouth to say that, to tell him what it really felt like to be dragged from the dirt, how it was better than the emptiness that Erik was lingering in now.

Death still terrified her. Every part of it, every aspect. They said it was the unknown that scared people, about what happened after. Jean knew, and she still hated it, still ran from it at every opportunity -- still couldn’t leave Erik in it, no matter what.

It wasn’t a lack of love that killed him. It was a lack of choice. She wanted to say that, too, wanted to ask Bruce if he’d ever stared a monster of cosmic proportions in the face and felt it calling to him. She thought he would understand, thought the Hulk would give them something of a shared foundation, a trust that would linger (because to have anyone near Erik, she needed to trust them immediately, wholly). Instead, she found nothing but suspicion on his face, found she was staring down the barrel of a gun instead of the compassion she had expected from his reputation.

But she wasn’t here, in the end, to make friends. She wasn’t here to be the Jean Grey that had portraits hanging in the Institute, or counselled her friends after a hard battle. She wasn’t here to be the golden girl, the shining beacon of morality. She was here for a single purpose, and she was here as a scientist.

“I have it all in here,” Jean replied, tapping the side of her temple. “I did my homework before I came to you.” Weeks and months of scouring through records and minds, trickling her way through states and countries to gain information that was long thought lost (but nothing disappeared forever. Jean knew that). “I’ve been coding it, on my personal system. I can send it through.”

The information read cold, clinical. She tried to think of it that way, as she manufactured this plan -- as she realised that it was going to work. But there wasn’t a part of Jean that could maintain that for long. She nodded once, allowed her gaze to drop from Bruce and move to the CRADLE, instead.

(It was Erik who first sat down with her, she remembered, long before the X-Men were even thought of. It was Erik who said, you’ve got a lot more in your head than you let people see, don’t you? It was Erik who first said sometimes telepaths have the most to hide, the heaviest burden to carry. It was Erik who helped her know physics so she could deconstruct it.)

It wasn’t a logical plan, but it was the only one she could make, the only choice that didn’t choke her.

“Let’s get started.”

[krismusings]

Zoo break in. | Ro, Khai, and Jay

Discord thread featuring: Roman, @jayceelynd, and @malakhai-ozera

Where: A park, and the Zoo

When: A random ass day

Description: Jay, Ro, and Khai get high on molly, and just do weird shit tbh.

Trigger Warnings: drugs, no surprise there. beginnings of messing around, but fade to black.

Khai

It wasn’t like Khai had never popped  molly by himself before. But he really didn’t feel like being alone. The guy he was supposed to stay with for the night, bailed on him for what seemed like the 100th time. So why not have a little fun with people he truly considered to be friends. He didn’t have very many of those after all, being the loner that he was. Pulling up to the park in his fancy sports car he wondered if it would be messed with. Not that he really cared. It was just home to all his shit at the moment, and although he could afford a place to stash it. For some unknown reason he hadn’t settled on a place yet. You would think after twenty years he would have his shit together, but that was a story for another time. He locked up his car and headed toward the swings, taking a seat on one of them before pulling out a cigarette and lighting it up. “Yo, I’m over here” he called out. Letting his friends know he was there once he spotted them.

Jaycee

Jaycee was excited to be hanging out with her long time friend Khai with her favorite person, Roman. Smirking at him she grabbed his shirt and pecked his lips before driving to the park. They were always living their lives that most wouldn’t approve of, but they never cared nor probably would for that matter. Putting the car in park, once they got there. “You ready?” She asked him with a smirk while climbing out of the car and locking it up behind them. “Have you hung out with Khai?” She asked him curiously as they looked for him. Looking into the direction she saw him on the swing and laughed. “OoOo swings!” She said excitedly. Not feeling the need to really introduce them, seeing they probably knew one another since the three of them were in a group text and all. Hugging Khai she hummed. “How are you?” She asked before pulling back to let the other two greet one another.

❝𝓡✮м𝕒𝐍 ❜❜

Roman informed Jaycee that he had hung out with Khai before, and was more than happy to see him again as they crossed the park. He was still laughing at jay being excited about the swings as he waved at the other male. “Hey mate! Lookin’ brill.” Roman leaned in to grab Khai’s hand, and pulled him in for a half hug.

Khai

As Jaycee and Roman approached him, he stood from the swing and smiled at them both. “I’m good” he replied, Pulling Jaycee into a tight hug before kissing her forehead. “Hey yourself” he winked at Roman. Letting him pull him in for a hug as well. The guy always looked good, the moonlight only highlighting his already intense features. “I’m glad you guys could make it. I thought I was gonna have to blow up by myself again. Which isn’t as fun” he chuckled before taking another pull from his cigarette.

Jaycee

Smiling as he kissed her on the forehead she watched Roman and Khai hugging it out. Intrigued by their interaction with one another as she hopped up on a swing and started to swing. Jaycees thoughts going to all of Khais belongings in his car getting her lost in her thoughts while swinging. “Why wouldn’t we come, of course we want to have fun with you” she smiled at him. Jaycee wondered if Roman had the same thoughts of what they saw in his car. “So whatcha got?” She asked as she couldn’t help but the giggle as she leaned back letting the swing take her for a ride.

❝𝓡✮м𝕒𝐍 ❜❜

Roman liked hanging out with Khai a lot. He was quiet, a perhaps a bit shy, but there was something about the male that really intrigued Ro to want to know more. Plus, he was fucking beautiful. So. There’s that. Roman watched as Jaycee of course moved right over to the swings where she was apparently at home. Good to know. “We’re not even high yet, and you’re giggling on the swings?” Roman asked with a wide smile while he crossed his arms.

Khai

Khai could think of at least a hundred reasons to why they wouldn’t want to come. But most of those were due to his insecurities at the moment. “I got some white magic... Molly” he added to clarify. He stuffed his hand into his front pocket and pulled the little baggy containing the pills out before looking over to Roman. “She’s high on life, mate” he chuckled shaking his head. “We just need to get on her level” he mused. Raising his brow slightly with his words  as he took a step closer to the other male. “What’ll it be? One shot, two shots... or how ‘bout I just surprise you?” He dumped the pills into his hand and stood in front of Roman with a devilish grin. “Open up and say please” he insisted. Waiting for the other to oblige before placing two small white pills onto his tongue.

❝𝓡✮м𝕒𝐍 ❜❜03/26/2020

Ro’s eyebrow lifted when Khai got in front of him with the bag of pills, those large hazel eyes enticing him to choose the surprise option. With those lashes, he’d let the guy do whatever he wanted. “Ohhh...I like the way you operate.” Roman replied easily, keeping his eye contact with the other male before parting his lips, tongue ready to accept his prize. He could obey...sometimes.

Jaycee03/26/2020

Jaycee started to slow down on the swing when she heard him mention white magic. Watching them was definitely something that only can be explained in her crazy head as hot. She just sat there watching them as she chewed on her bottom lip.

Khai03/26/2020

Khai continued to keep eye contact with Roman until both pills were inserted and swallowed. His grin only slightly disappearing as he pulled his bottom lip between his teeth. He turned to face Jaycee and made his way over to her. Her legs placed between his as he stood straddled over her on the swing. “Now you m’lady” he continued to grin. Letting his finger trail lazily over her bottom lip after inserting two pills into her mouth. “Don’t say I never gave you anything” he teased. Popping the last two pills into his mouth and swallowing them dry before joining her on the swings.(edited)

❝𝓡✮м𝕒𝐍 ❜❜

Roman liked to have a good time, shocking, I know, but in trying to fathom what tonight was going to hold, Ro just let himself space off. He watched Khai give some pills to Jaycee, and then himself, wondering if he was in the mood to either swing, or maybe hit up the jungle gym. “Oh wow.” He muttered with a small chuckle when he walked over, and realized he was the exact same height as the jungle gym. “Don’t remember this shit being so small.” He complained before pulling himself up to sit on the top.

Jaycee

Jaycee was sitting there, her lips parted when his lazily trailed over her bottom lip. Swallowing the pills dry she whispered “thank you” tightening her grip on the swings chains as she watched him walk over to his own swim. Remembering the little surprise with ice cubes he’d mentioned to her before. “You two are like giants!” She said as she giggled. “You’re king of the worrrlllllddd” she cheered not caring who heard her at this point. Jaycee was always just down to enjoy life, and with good company how could this night go wrong!?

Khai03/26/2020

Khai couldn’t help but laugh as Roman approached the jungle gym and Jaycee began cheering him on. “Hey man, don’t fall through there. I’ve done that before and I promise... it looks like a short fall. But it hurts.” He continued to chuckle as he pumped his legs, swinging higher and higher.

❝𝓡✮м𝕒𝐍 ❜❜03/26/2020

Roman smirked when he heard his friends both cheering him on, and warning him of possible danger. Ro had yet to eat anything today, so the molly was already starting to take effect, flowing all through his body in the best was as he rolled his head to crack his neck. He then swiveled around so he could lay back on the top of the bars, looking up at the sky from high up. Trippy.

Khai03/26/2020

The molly was already taking effect on Khai as well. Heating up his body from the inside out as he felt the cool wind brush against his face on the swing. It probably wasn’t a brilliant idea but with one thought, he jumped from the swing. Landing on his feet but initially falling back onto his ass and laying on the ground. “Fuck...” he laughed. His tone a bit gritty as he tilted his head back to look at Jaycee to see how far he jumped. “I think I lost my cigarette” he realized, sitting up and dusting off the back of his arms.

Jaycee

Jaycee was humming as she felt the molly take effect on her tiny body. “This feels amazing” she groaned. “Woah” she said in awe of her friend jumping. Deciding she was going to jump and try to flip with her gymnastic and dance background it should be easy right? Well we’re talking about Jaycee Beau Lynd right? She did a flip but rolled and laughed her ass off when she landed clearly not hurt. Looking over she rolled over into her hands an knees and saw his cigarette. “I found it” she said as she giggled holding it up. Looking over at Roman she smiled at her love. “Rooommmaaannn you good baby?” She asked as she decided to take a drag of the cigarette before letting Khai have it.March 27, 2020

Khai

“Holy fuckin’ shit” Khai exclaimed as Jaycee flipped off the swing. Watching her body roll across the ground before cheering when he discovered she was okay. “You’re a fuckin’ spider monkey” he laughed. Crawling over to her to grab his cigarette after she had taken a drag. “God, I needed this” he hummed. Laying his head into her lap as she called over to Ro.

Jaycee

Jaycee couldn’t help but to laugh at her friends reaction after calling out to her roommate asking if he was ok. Running her fingers through Khais hair as she laid back onto the ground. “I think we all did” she sighed as she got lost in feeling his hair between her fingers. Wondering where the night would go with them all. Her teeth were gritted as the molly courses through her body, releasing a hum as she swore she could feel every molecule that touched her skin.

❝𝓡✮м𝕒𝐍 ❜❜

Roman wasn’t sure how long he’d been staring up at the sky before it clicked that his friends were calling for him. He turned around like he would on his bed, laying uncomfortably on his side on top of the monkey bars. Yeah, he wasn’t so sure why he’d done this, and for some reason it tripped him out that Jaycee and Khai were on the ground. When did that happen? “Why’re you’re guys in the dirt?” He asked with his thick Manchester accent, a look of pure confusion, but fascination on his face.

Khai

Khai let his eyes close for a moment as Jaycee stroked his hair. The feeling of her fingertips brushing against his scalp sending waves of good vibrations all throughout his body. Opening his eyes again once he heard Roman respond he looked over at him with amusement. He didn’t look comfortable at all but still some how attractive in his twisted side position. “Because it feels good. We like dirt” he announced a bit louder than his usual tone. “Get over here and join us you bloke” he laughed. Reaching his hands out toward Ro to try and coax him in without lifting his head from Jaycee’s lap.

Jaycee

“I want to have an accent like y’all. I’m stuck with this stupid one” she said in her thick southern draw as she giggled. Looking over at Roman smiling knowing he couldn’t be comfortable. “It’s cool in the dirt” she said simply as she continues to run her nails lazily over Khai’s scalp, enjoying the softness of his hair. “I’ll rub your head too” she said trying to coax him down.

❝𝓡✮м𝕒𝐍 ❜❜

Ro just laughed when Jaycee made her comment about their accents, but then pouted because he loved her southern accent. “I love you southern drawl!” Roman did his best impression right after her, doing his best now to get down without seriously hurting himself. It would be quite shocking if he managed to pull that off. “Damn right you’ll be rubbing my head!” Ro joked like a five year old before tripping over his own goddamn feet on his way over to the two. He plopped down right next to Khai, and on e again found himself on his back with a deep sigh. “This is my favorite white shirt by the way. It’ll be dirty now, and it’s all your fault - the both of you.”(edited)

Khai

It was amusing to Khai watching Roman mimic Jaycee’s southern drawl. His eyes following the other male as he tripped lazily over to them, a smile mindlessly pulling at his lips. “I think we should just talk like Jaycee all night long” he suggested. Mostly just talking out loud. As Ro laid next to him and placed his head side by side with his on Jaycee’s lap he draped his leg over the others. “Don’t those come in like a package of six?” he asked with a chuckle. Pulling lightly on the collar of Ro’s shirt with a grin. “Do you wanna wear mine? I don’t mind gettin’ a bit dirty.”(edited)

Jaycee

“I will smack you both I swear to god” she said in her accent not even trying anymore. Laughing as she sighed now that she had both of them in her reach and ran her fingers through Romans soft curly hair, scratching his scalp like she always does before massaging. “We do have a washing machine and I know how to treat clothes” she stated in a matter of fact tone as she picked on Roman. Laughing at Khai’s remark. “This one is his special one of the lot” she said in a pretty good British accent and smiled brightly at how proud she was. “Dirty is good” she hummed.(edited)March 28, 2020

❝𝓡✮м𝕒𝐍 ❜❜

Roman definitely wouldn’t be quite this dramatic over a white T-shirt if he wasn’t high as a kite, but alas. “Mm - no, it’s fine.” He chuckled a bit, looking over at Khai after his offer, and of course letting his mind go to a naughty place at the mention of him not minding to get dirty. He leaned his head back to glare up at Jaycee when she did a British accent, but then laughed because he deserved that. “I hope no one comes around here today or else we might get reported.” He giggled. They were being so fucking weird laying in the middle of the dirt all tangled together, which I guess makes sense since they were on drugs. “We woulda been so happy in the middle of Woodstock.”

Khai

Khai continued to lay there as he gazed up at the sky. His arms cross lazily over his chest and stomach as he listened to Romans concerns about someone else coming around. Which immediately resulted in a way too bad idea. Popping up from Jaycee’s lap in one quick movement he looked back at his friends. “Shit... you know what we should do? We should go break into the zoo and see the tigers. That would be bad ass.” It was already getting dark so he was sure they could get away with it. As sure as he could be while under the influence of mdma.

Jaycee

“Don’t you glare at me” she laughed with an arched brow towards Roman. Playfully tugging on his hair. I bet they would have , had a blast at Woodstock she thought to herself. Sitting up when Khai popped eyes wide to what he said and looked down at Roman. “I mean down for anything exciting. Again I rest my case on the bad influencers in this group” pointing at Khai as she stuck her tongue between her teeth and smiled. “Can we bring home a baby koala or something baby” she asked all excited.

❝𝓡✮м𝕒𝐍 ❜❜

Roman actually shot up with excitement himself when Khai threw out his idea, wondering why in the hell he hadn’t thought of that himself. “I’m totally fine with bringing home a Koala. This is a perfect fucking idea, what the fuckkkk?!” Yeah, he was...he was really gone. “Wait...who’s driving though?” Definitely wasn’t gonna be him, unless they all wanted to die.

Khai

“I’m not a bad influencer. This is a brilliant fuckin’ idea. Right Ro?” he asked, smiling wide at the others reaction. “I can drive, I don’t mind. But I’ll have to get some shit out of my car.” Khai definitely drove way more than he probably should while under the influence, but he was a good driver. A bit reckless but good. He didn’t really worry about it. Besides his 2019 Porsche Panamera Turbo was calling his name.(edited)

Jaycee

Scuffing in laughter as she rolled and got up from her hands and knees, dusting any dirt off of her. “I want a baby koala!” She giggled excitedly with her hand on her flat stomach. Wobbling a bit but still had a smile on her face. “I’ve been in the car with him really shit faced so, I’m down” she shrugged as she waited for Romans response. “I’m small enough to squeeze in somewhere I’m sure” she waved her hand forgetting how much stuff she saw in his car.

❝𝓡✮м𝕒𝐍 ❜❜

“Man, this is such a nice car.” Roman complimented his friend as he walked around the vehicle, remembering a time when he used to be so obsessed with cars. He didn’t have the time or money for that anymore. Hendrix of course did notice all the things in the other male’s car, but he didn’t want to embarrass him, or put him on the spot. He could inquire about it at a different time. “I’ve never actually been to the zoo out here.”(edited)

Khai

“Thanks, mate” he smiled as the trio approached his car. He pulled out his keys to unlock the doors and pulled the drivers side door open before turning to J. “Hey, can I put some of this shit in your car for now?” he asked. It was a quick process of moving tote bags from one car to the other before they were all seated comfortably and on their way to the zoo. “Me either, but tigers are like my spirit animal. Especially white tigers” he nodded. Getting a bit deep in his conversation mostly due to being high as a kite. He drove a bit fast, shifting gears as he hit the highway. Cruising at about 75 mph as he pushed himself back into his seat to feel its comfort and grinding his teeth.

Jaycee

After getting the things into the back of her car, she got into the backseat since she was definitely the shortest of the trio. Leaning forward as they cruised fast down the highway. “They’re really majestic. I have no idea what my spirit animal is. Every says I’m like a little spider monkey. Is that bad?” She as while leaning into the seat, enjoying the vibrations coming from his car. “I want to buy a Tesla so bad, but I’m trying to be a good girl” she huffed playfully. “The suv model though” and did her arms upward like the doors did while giggling. Jaycee hadn’t bought a new car since high school and never wanted to really flash her money around like that. Still feeling as though it wasn’t hers to touch. “Everyone feeling good?” She asked through a clenched jaw.March 29, 2020

❝𝓡✮м𝕒𝐍 ❜❜

Roman just stared out the window while the others made small talk, namely Jaycee. She was adorable, always feeling like she needed to fill the silence. For as outspoken and social as Roman was, he sometimes didn’t talk very much at all. He just observed, and listened. He was good at listening. Well, not now cause he was pressing his nose to the backseat window, feeling like he was actually moving along the road without being in a car weird. “Hm?” He turned to look at Jaycee, and then just smiled, because he didn’t even know what she said. Oops. “We at the zoo yet?” It had only been like five minutes, but Ro felt like it had been forever.

Khai

"The suv model is pretty bad ass. I almost got a Tesla myself. But, this car was just purring my name like an untamed wild cat" he mused. He shifted his vision between the road and the rear view so that he could see Jaycee as she spoke. The speed of the car only increasing once he turned the radio on. Driving to the beat of the music was only one of his many bad habits. "We're almost there" he shouted over to Roman. Noticing the other male was getting a bit lost in the passing lights as they zoomed by. "Don't zone out on me too fast, mate. The parties just getting started" he encouraged. Belting out the song on the radio at the top of his lungs soon after.

Jaycee

Leaning her head back as she nodded her head in agreeing to, Khai. Who knows maybe she’d splurge on herself and get one. Looking over at Roman she shook her head smiling. He was about to fade out and was thankful Khai turned the radio up and closed her eyes as he sang. She knew they were close to the zoo so she continued to let the vibrations of the car soothe her, vibrating her body. Slowly finding herself quietly singing along with Khai then slowly dancing with a smile on her lips. It feels like the time passed with the singing along as she falls into her door when Khai turns into the parking lot. “Woah” she laughed softly, taking her seatbelt off waiting to get out. “I can’t wait to hold my new baby”(edited)March 30, 2020

❝𝓡✮м𝕒𝐍 ❜❜

Roman didn’t even remember getting to the zoo honestly. He did hear Khai shouting at him, and then singing in a pitch that was borderline only to be heard by dogs. Ro was also aware of Jaycee slamming into the door shortly after. But here they were, still talking about stealing koala’s, and Roman didn’t even know if they were joking or not anymore. “How do we get in?” Ro asked curiously as they walked up to the entrance, and looked around. Of course he was eyeing the security cameras around, wondering if maybe this was the dumbest thing he’d ever agreed to do.

Khai

Standing outside the entrance of the zoo, Khai pulled out another cigarette and placed it between his lips. Lighting it up and inhaling it deeply as he looked around at the same security cameras Ro was focusing in on. “We might have to just climb the fence. Or go through one of the exhibits.” He knew this was a terrible idea but he went with it anyway. The look of excitement on Jaycee’s face to hold a baby koala fueling his need to please. Flicking his cigarette away after a couple more drags he placed his hands on the fence and peered through the gate. “I bet we could get in over there” he pointed. Not really sure what that particular exhibit was home to.

Jaycee

Jaycee literally just stood there following pursuit of whatever was going down. Playing with her hair was a think she did when she was feeling a little nervous, but quickly forgot about the nerves when the hair playing calmed her. “Should I climb through and unlock?” She asked out of curiosity. Was she really going to hold a baby koala!! Is this real life right now!? She didn’t even care, she wanted to play in the zoo with her two favorite people. She knew of the cameras but ignored them, if she didn’t she’d flip out. Wrapping her arms around their shoulders, literally standing on her tippy toes giggling. “Or you two can hoist me up!” She took turns smiling up at them.April 1, 2020

❝𝓡✮м𝕒𝐍 ❜❜

“I have a hard time believing it’ll be as easy as unlocking it from the inside. I’d say we need a key.” Even in his drugged out state, Roman had enough common sense to at least attempt thinking things though. Well, not really since he was wanting to take home a koala. “Let’s go in through that enclosure. Khai’s right, looks kinda easy to rig.” Roman ducked his head over towards their right before he was helping both Jaycee, and Khai over the enclosure. He had long legs, and was tall as fuck, so Ro easily made his way over to the other side by himself. “Okay...so, let’s hurry the fuck up, and get out of this enclosure before we wake up whatever the fuck lives here.” Roman would straight up scream if he got charged at by a goddamn rhino.(edited)

Khai

Khai nodded his head as Roman agreed with him and within a matter of moments they were standing in the open enclosure. Looking around he couldn’t help but chuckle. “Don’t worry, mate. As long as we can out run each other we should be fine” he joked. Jumping onto Romans back playfully as they moved their way through the enclosure to find an exit. “I love you guys! You know that?” he asked with a wide smile. The effects of the drugs influencing his emotions as they scrambled with adrenaline.

Jaycee

Jaycee dusted her hands off on her ripped jeans and looked around in amazement. She was really about to get a baby koala for her and Romans house. This was going to be an awesome night. Giggling at the boys she walked up behind them and smacked both of their asses before going around them, looking around at how big this place was. “I am like, in awe of this place.” She walked forward looking for an exit sign and finally found on  “come on” she whispered still somehow in a damn draw. Must be the drugs, who knows. Turning the door knob she heard a loud snap, quickly turning her head to see a couple of giraffes in awe, pointing up behind the boys unable to say anything, motioning them to slowly come her way.April 2, 2020

❝𝓡✮м𝕒𝐍 ❜❜

Roman caught Khai when he jumped up onto his back, adjusting the other male’s legs so that he was easily holding him in backpack position. Yes, this was totally normal. Ro turned to look back at Jaycee before she smacked them on the ass, letting her lead the way to where they needed to be to get out of the enclosure. When she pointed behind them, Roman didn’t even want to look. He may end up screaming, and that would not be in their favor at the moment. He just focused on getting on the other side of this gate. Once they were through, Ro let Khai down, and then looked around to see where they had been. “Fucking giraffes?? Yeah, we’re not leaving the same way we came in. Fuck me!”

Khai

Standing now on the other side of the enclosure, Khai couldn't help but to laugh. Roman's response to the giraffes tickling him from the inside out as he doubled over in uncontrollable laughter. "Fuckin' hell, mate. If we live through this I'm gonna have to remember to never let you live this moment down." Turning to Jaycee with a wide smile still painted on his face. He draped his arm heavily over her shoulder and pulled himself closer to her. "Lead the way Koala Queen. I'm getting antsy and really need a drink." Reaching his free arm out he draped it over Roman's shoulder as well and pulled him in. "Which way to the out now?"(edited)

Jaycee

Jaycee couldn’t help but to laugh at the expressive terror on Romans face as they left the enclosure. Placing her hand on her stomach at the ache forming from laughter. “Oh my god, I love you two” she said giggling still. Holding onto the hand draped over her shoulder she walked them towards the little map and found her to the enclosure and made the poutiest face possible, it’s pitiful but baby anything melts her. “Oh my god.” She did a little exited dance before finding the door and sneaking in quietly. Looking around she slipped out of their little connection they had going on, looking closely to find her new baby. Walking up to a sleeping little baby gently picking it up, baby talking to it as the little baby koala wrapped its arms around her neck, causing Jaycee to have an awe expression. “You guuyyyss” she whispered as she walked up to them so they could pet the new baby. God the fur was so fucking soft.(edited)April 5, 2020

❝𝓡✮м𝕒𝐍 ❜❜

Roman shot Khai a playful glare when he gave him shit for his reaction to being literally right next to the damn things. “Listen. They may be beautiful, and even magestic, some would say, however - I can’t think of a single good thing that comes from standing right next to one. I can admire from a distance, Khai, a distance.” He gestured at his friend before Jaycee was pulling their attention elsewhere with her little excited dance. Once they were inside the koala enclosure, Roman was having a hard time remembering how they even got here from the playground. What the fuck was even happening? This was by far the most random thing he’d ever done. “Are we for real holding wild animals right now?” He asked with a snort.

Khai

Khai continued to laugh at Roman, unable to get over the amusement of his reaction. His playful glare only fueling the fire of laughter inside of him. “I mean, I can’t either. But it’s still funny as shit” he chuckled. Feeling Jaycee pull from his arm he watched her go in search of the baby koala. Now leaning into Roman with a smile as he watched Jayce pet it and pick it up. “We’re not just holding it. We’re taking it” he clarified to Ro as he turned to face him. “You ok with that?”

Jaycee

Jaycee just kept in her own world as they boys bantered back and forth as she loved on the baby koala, cooing at it. "You're now my baby, and I love you and will care for you forever and always" she said as she snuggled into the baby, rubbing her face against it's fur, humming. God this baby koala feels amazing. "Roman, can I please bring this baby home to love?" she walked up to him pouting a pitiful face ever as she begged him to be okay with it, while batting her eyes. Letting her eyes go from Roman and Khai.. "Please" she whispered as she wanted them to feel how soft the baby was.

❝𝓡✮м𝕒𝐍 ❜❜

Roman shook his head while the both of them went on about taking a koala, because he had genuinely just been thinking they were kidding at that part. He was tripping, but not to that extent “Love on the koala, cuddle the koala, but we’re not taking it from the zoo.” He informed them both with a pointed finger, as if that somehow made what he was saying iron clad. “There are many reasons in which would explain perfectly why we can’t steal an animal from the zoo, and I’ll be glad to list them if I need to.” Roman talked a lot.

Khai

Khai’s smile turned into an all too pitiful pout as Roman put his foot down. “But...” he began, leaning his head onto Romans shoulder. “It’s so cute, and soft, and... and...” He heard a noise just then and his head shot up from his friends shoulder. “What was that?”(edited)

Jaycee

Jaycee literally looked like Roman just broke her heart by telling her no, her eyes watering up with a trembling chin. Walking the baby back to it's little perch she crossed her arms, being a brat as always. She knew if he said no, there was reasoning in it but she was still gonna pout, and if she was sober she'd agree with him, we all know this. She stopped in her tracks as she got up to the boys and held her breath trying to listen. "Let's just go" she said super softly. They'd have more fun at the house anyways, and was looking forward to sinking into the bed with these two sex gods standing before her.(edited)

❝𝓡✮м𝕒𝐍 ❜❜

Roman’s shoulders sank when both Khai, and Jaycee acted like he’d just told them the world was coming to an end. To them right now, that was probably what it felt like. Since when was Roman in the position to be a parental figure?? This was truly quite bizarre. “Don’t act that way. I jus’ don’t wanna go to jail, or not have the right stuff to take care of a friggin’ koala.” He gestured towards the adorable animals that he most definitely was not leaving until he held. “We’re not going anywhere until I get my turn.” He informed both of his friends while pushing past them to grab a koala for himself.

Khai

It was quite easy for Khai to get distracted at the moment. The drugs he had ingested were numbing and enhancing him all at the same time. The sound he had heard had totally left his thoughts as he watched Roman make his way to the baby koala. A smile spreading across his lips as he watched him pick it up and coddle it. Sure he would have liked to pet it and hold it too. But there was that damn sound again. Was that an animal? Khai stuck his hands into the front pockets of his jeans and looked around the enclosure. “Do adult koalas attack? Like if their being protective of their offspring?” he asked. Concern clearly flooding into his way too relaxed tone. “I just don’t really wanna die unless it’s by a tiger ya know? I don’t think I could live with being mauled by a pissed off mama koala.” Obviously he wouldn’t be living with it if he were killed. But he was sure they got what he meant.(edited)

Jaycee

Jaycee was watching Roman with an awe expression as he cuddled to baby Koala, feeling a tug at her heart, and it was totally over the second Khai opened his mouth about being paranoid over an adult Koala. "Khai, I would not want to die from a mama or daddy Koala either. Who wants their obituary to say Jaycee Beau Lynd died at the hands of parental Koala's while breaking into an enclosure to pet the offspring" she doubled over laughing, but not too loud. Stopping her laughter when she heard the noise herself. "Stop it, I don't wanna get attacked" she swatted Khai's arm now that he put the horrible idea in her head. Then watching Roman she smiled as she watched him, is there anything that he wouldn't be cute with? Jaycee snuggled into Khai as she heard another noise hoping it was from another enclosure that was close cause that one was loud causing her to jump. "Roman.." she said worried. "Let's put the baby down, and agree to buy a spider monkey or baby koala when we get the proper stuffs" she said while biting her bottom lip.April 14, 2020

❝𝓡✮м𝕒𝐍 ❜❜

Roman was usually in his own little world about 98% of the time. It was easier that way, and much more pleasant. He hadn’t really heard the noises that the others were talking about, his brain was kind of floaty, and he was holding a baby Koala. He looked up at Jaycee when she said his name though, wondering why she sounded so freaked out. Had he missed something? “Okay...” he knitted his brows together, and then slowly turned to put the baby animal back where it belonged. “Are we leaving then?” Ro asked while still looking between the two with an extremely confused expression.April 15, 2020

Khai

Jaycee slapped his arm and all he could do was laugh. He wasn’t sure anymore if he was freaked out or amused. But it all seemed like some weird lucid dream anyway. Before he knew it they were all standing in the parking lot again, waiting for him to unlock his car. How did they get here? It didn’t really matter, he was ready to move on to the next stupid idea anyway. Adventure always bubbling in his blood as he craved the adrenaline of a good time. “So... where to now? he asked with a bit of an enthusiastic chuckle. “Hopefully somewhere with alcohol. Cause I’m super fuckin’ parched.”  It seemed like only a matter of seconds and they were all loaded into his Porsche once again. Heading toward their next destination.

Jaycee

“Yes we’re leaving” she smiled at Roman while playing with his soft curls. After they all safely got around whatever noise that was and to the car she giggled at them almost getting caught. “Oh my god that was so close” she said with her thick accent. “Khai! Have you ever known meto not have alcohol at my house!?” She joked as they rode down the highway. “Unless y’all wanna go elsewhere” she shrugged not caring where they went. “The hot tub is ready cause I turned it on this morning... Is that a bad idea heat when on molly?” She asked looking at the two men before her.

❝𝓡✮м𝕒𝐍 ❜❜

Roman still wasn’t exactly sure what had just happened, figuring that maybe his drugs hit him super hard a lot later than it should have. He barely even remembered getting back to the car, but once alcohol was mentioned, he was back in the game. “Yeah, we have a ton of liquor at the house. And getting in the hot tub is never a bad idea.” He added on to Jaycee’s statement. “Our rule though is no clothes in the hot tub. Go nude, or get out.” He said while dramatically holding his finger in the air.

Khai

As Jaycee and Roman put an emphasis on going back to their place, his smile only grew wider. Of course he was down to go there, they had alcohol. Besides, being somewhere more private was never a bad idea. Especially while rolling on Molly. Khai let out an amused chuckle as Roman shot  his finger up into the air declaring nudity. His brow lifting as he pulled his bottom lip between his teeth in thought. Oh hell yeah, he was definitely down for that. “If you guys just wanna get me naked. All ya gotta do is ask” he mused. The drive back to Jaycee’s house seemed to go a whole lot quicker than their venture to the zoo. Maybe it was because time had become a bit illusionary. Or maybe he was just in a hurry to get naked. Either way, he was all smiles and anticipation as he pulled into the driveway.(edited)

Jaycee

Jaycee couldn’t help but the chew on her inner cheek with a small giggle. Of course she wanted to see them naked and wet in the hot tub. “We just have a thing for nudity, no judgement” she joked as she got out of the car and put the code in for the garage to open since her car was left at the park. Walking into the house making sure everyone was in she shut the garage door. “Should we get naked before the alcohol orrrr wait?” She asked as she slid her shirt up teasing the boys, letting them see she wasn’t wearing a bra. Only giving them a glimpse of the round globe of her tits, before she waved her finger at them while shaking her head no. She enjoyed teasing, it made things more interesting. Untying the flannel around her hips she tossed it on the table as she walked them through the kitchen and opened the liquor cabinet. “All ours” she said excitedly with a little dance. “Roman, wanna pick out music?” She asked him with a smirk.(edited)April 16, 2020

❝𝓡✮м𝕒𝐍 ❜❜

Roman smirked when Jaycee asked about the timeliness of their nudity, already pulling his shirt up and off the second they even reached the front door. He loved fashion, but he loved being naked more. “I dunno about you all, but the nakedness begins now with me.” Ro’s jeans, and underwear were off within the next few seconds, kicking it all aside to worry about later as he made his way to Jaycee’s bar. One of them anyway. They had one out back as well by the pool, and hot tub. They were boujee bitches. Well, Jaycee was, and Roman enjoyed it.April 17, 2020

Khai

An attentive grin pulled at his lips as Jaycee teasingly raised her shirt and he rubbed the stumble on his chin as his eyes focused on her movements. Roman was already getting naked and Khai found himself following behind the pair with erotic ideations forming in his mind. As he approached the bar he looked at all the liquor in the cabinet on display and rubbed his lips together. “You choose” he smiled, looking over at Jaycee as she did a little dance. He hooked his finger under his shirt at his waistline and twisted it up around his hand flashing his lower abdomen. He wasn’t too shy to take his clothes off,  but he liked the idea of taking his time. Especially since he stripped for a living. A mischievous grin pulled at his features as his own thoughts began giving him playful ideas.  His gaze shifting between a beautifully sculpted naked man and an incredibly sexy woman. Maybe he’d just  test the potency of the two molly hits he passed out early, and see how long it took them to take his clothes off for him.

Jaycee

Jaycee laughed as she watched Roman go for it. There’s plenty of times they just stayed naked and loved it. Jaycee herself began to undress not caring where any of her items went as they were flung around and grabbed a bottle of tequila and poured three shots each, putting them on a platter and grabbed the salt and lime. This could be fun. “Oh” she hisses while taking a lime and rubbing it over her harden nipples, as the juice runs down her flat stomach before sprinkling salt on them. Showing them what she had in mind as she stood there bare for them both to see. “Roman, I think we’re going to have to remove Khais pants” she smirked. As she put her pointer finger between her teeth. “Who wants to take the first shot?” She asked mischievously.

fade to black

[azaraspirit]

GOOD NEWS

I’LL BE POSTING CHAPTER TWO OF MY STRIPPER TOM FIC AU SOON!

@starksparker @foreverstuckwritingandimagining @hazssouthernbelle @worldoftom @tomslovey @mcuspidey @spidey-starks @tomhollandspideys @thollandss @aossi @woyaogaoxing @blissfulparker @osterfield-holland-andcompany @unholyhaz @heyhihellowhatsup0

summary: what happens when you fall in love with a stripper? 

warnings: lots of smut and sparkles 

here’s chapter one!!!

CHAPTER ONE

You have heard of bachelorette parties getting wild but that usually applies to the bride-to-be. You never once thought that that would happen to you, a mere bridesmaid. But that’s exactly what happened one Saturday night. 

One of your best friends was getting married and you were claimed a bridesmaid which you didn’t mind. You weren’t exactly a party person so the idea of a bachelorette party with guys shaking their asses in front of you didn’t seem like your cup of tea. That is until you left with one of them. 

Your friend had to beg you to come, saying it wouldn’t be the same without you and because you’re a softie and had a hard time saying no, you found yourself getting into the party bus that would take you and your friends to a hit club in LA. 

“Come on Y/N! Take a shot!” she shouted above the music that blasted in the bus. Neon lights glowed from the ceiling. “Shouldn’t we save that for the bar?” you asked.

“Pft no way! You need to loosen up!”

You rolled your eyes and took the shot. Your eyes closed shut as you tilt your head back to chug the alcohol down. You gagged. This shit was nasty.

“Big baby.” your friend murmured. Great. She was already tipsy. 

“You’re gonna regret this tomorrow.” you grinned.

“I don’t think that far ahead.” she shot back.

You shook your head, smirking. 

It didn’t take long to get to the bar. You and your friends made their way inside which was taped off from anyone else coming inside. Your eyes widened seeing several nearly naked men dancing on the stage with music blasting and lights flashing from every direction. A large disco ball spun from the ceiling.

“The bride has arrived!” shouted one of the dancers, only wearing a thong. 

“Oh god.” you murmured to yourself. You wanted to ditch but a particular dancer caught your eye, making you blush. Most of the dancers moved to the center stage with the rest of your friends but he stayed where he was. He too was only wearing a thong and he was covered in glitter as he danced on the stage, twirling around a metal pole. You stood frozen, completely engulfed by his routine. Your vision tunneled. Voices drowned from the music as you stared. You found yourself walking closer to the stage. Your hands rested on the edge as you leaned closer.

The dancer smiled as he saw you approach him. “See somethin’ you like darlin’?”

OH GOD HE HAD A BRITISH ACCENT. You sure you cummed on the spot.

“You can say that.” you smirked.

“You the bride?” he asked as he continued swirling around the pole.

“Nope. Just a bridesmaid. My bride friend is over there.” You pointed to your friend who was currently tucking bills in another dancer’s thong as he shook his ass in front of her. Your other friend went ballistic. 

The dancer chuckled. “Hm well I don’t think she’s the only one who should be having fun tonight eh darlin’?” he asked.

He knelt down, getting close to you enough to lift your chin with his finger. “You’re more of my type than any of your little friends.” His voice was like melted chocolate: smooth and dark.

Okay if you haven’t cummed yet you definitely did then. Your body shivered upon contact. Your eyes locked with his brown ones. Brown wasn’t your favorite color but it certainly was tonight.

“What would ya say if we got out of here darlin’?” he asked lustfully, smirking.

“I’d say I couldn’t wait that long.” you replied, smirking back.

The dancer chuckled. “I think I have a solution to our problem.”

You both looked around, seeing that no one was even paying one bit of attention to either of you. “I might get fired for this.” he said as he got down from the stage. He took your hand and you shivered again. Nearly his entire body shimmered under the lights. “My name’s Tom by the way.” he mentioned.

“Y/N.”

He chuckled. “Well Y/N, you’re about to have a good time.” The dancer who introduced himself as Tom, led you to the back that was hidden by a curtain.

Normally you might not do what you were about to do but then again your mind was influenced by alcohol and your core was so wet there was no way you were gonna leave without getting some. 

Tom led you to a small area in the back of the club. There was a rounded bed decorated with pillows and silk sheets. He pulled the curtain. “So no one disturbs us yeah?”

You blushed hard. Wait till your friends hear about this. Tom approached you slowly. Your skin flooded with goosebumps as his thumb brushed your cheek, leaving a trail of glitter. 

“There’s somethin’ I have to tell you darlin’.” he said, his voice husky and deep.

“Yes, Tom?”

“Can’t exactly fuck you traditionally while I’m on the clock-against the rules.”

You blinked, confused. “Then what can we do?”

“Everything else.” he whispered in your ear.

Your entire body trembled in his arms. His hand gripped your hair as he kissed you deeply, sending every molecule in your body into a frenzy. Tom’s tongue slipped into your mouth, making you whine like never before. You never thought you could have produced such a noise. 

You let Tom suck on your tongue as his hands traveled up and down your body, the only evidence were trails of glitter. You couldn’t believe this was happening. You were making out with a sparkling stranger in a thong. 

You were a good girl. You never did anything wild and you always obeyed the rules. Guess there was a first time for everything. 

Tom picked you up with little effort. You gratefully accepted, your lips never parted as he lay you on the bed, feeling the cool smooth sheets on your hot boiling skin. Your body ached, eager to remove the clothing that was highly inconvenient. 

Tom exhaled a shaky breath, chuckling as he hovered above you.

“What?” you asked, thinking you did something wrong.

“You’re fucking beautiful you know that darlin’?”

You blushed, giggling. “You’re the one who’s all glittered up.”

He chuckled at your comment. “Nah love, you’re way prettier.”

Another giggle. Tom smiled ever so softly. 

“Weren’t you gonna wreck me?” you asked, eager to get back to your activities.

“Sorry, love. Was enjoying the view.” Tom leaned down to kiss you again, making your hairs stand up on end.

Saliva was heavily exchanged as you two kissed and sucked tongues like horny animals. Tom pressed his hard groin against your core that ached for friction. Both your undergarments were beyond soaked. You sat up to remove your layers of clothing as you two kissed. Tom tossed your clothing aimlessly behind him. Your heartbeat quickened when his fingers traced your bra. 

“Whaddya waiting for Tommy?” You winked.

Tom looked up at you, stunned. The nickname definitely did something to him. “Tommy?”

You smiled and took his hands to your breasts. “C’mon, Tommy.”

He chuckled. “Alright darling.” Tom’s hands slid to your back where he unhooked your bra to reveal your plumped breasts and hardened nipples. 

The lingerie was long forgotten as Tom’s tongue went to work, wetting your pink pedals with his saliva and sucking on your breasts. You gasped, your body buckling up ward and your toes curling. Your fingers gripped the sheets. Your eyes closed and mind swirled a million miles an hour. You never had such a sexual experience before that brought you to an orgasm. You cummed as Tom sucked on one breast and squeezed the other with his hand. He removed the remaining of your clothing, grinning. “You soaked darlin’.”

You couldn’t even speak as you were going through already, another orgasm, your eyes practically rolling to the back of your head. You whined.

“What’s that, Y/N?” he grinned.

“Need you…down there...” you managed.

Tom smirked as he hoisted your legs onto his shoulders. You watched through your fluttered eyelashes as his head leaned down to your core. Your breath hitched as you felt his lips get closer and closer. “Hm taste good, darlin’.” he murmured. 

Your body shook to the vibrations of his moans as his mouth tended to your drenched womanhood. You pressed yourself further into him as you moaned back, trying to catch a breath. 

“Tommy oh god...that feels so good…” you praised in a shaky voice.

He sucked on your drenched folds. 

“Don’t stop…”

Tom gripped one of your breasts as he continued to tend to you core with his mouth. You weren’t sure how much longer you were going to last but you hoped it would never end. 

You breathed heavily as Tom lowered you down. 

“Well darlin’?” he asked.

You took a long moment before answering. “Need friction.”

“C’mere.”

Tom offered his hand and you graciously took it as he helped you up. “Ride my thigh.”

You looked up at him, confused. “Trust me.”

You kissed him passionately and he kissed back. Tom helped you get into position as you sat on his thigh. You couldn’t help but notice how soaked his pink thong was as his hardened dick swelled. 

“I have something to tell you.” he said.

“Yes, Tommy?”

“I get off at midnight which is in about fifteen minutes.”

You looked at him dumbfounded. He wiggled his brow, smirking.

His hands reached to your lower back, pulling you even closer to where your stomachs touched. “There aren’t any rules where I live, love.”

“God I fucking love you right now.” You kissed him deeply, making him moan. 

Tom tightened his grip around you. “Your friends won’t mind if I take you home will they, love?”

“I don’t think so.”

“Good because I’m taking you home tonight.” Tom grinned.

“Sounds good to me.”

Tom breathed heavily as you slowly started to ride his thigh. His grip tightened as you gained friction, gripping onto his sweaty curls for support. Your cum spread along his skin, blending perfectly with his glitter. 

This was your first time thigh riding and it was absolutely glorious, an experience you would never forget.

You kept riding till you were physically unable to cause anymore friction. At this point both you and Tom were sweaty and panting and covered in glitter as you leaned onto each other for support.

“I don’t think we’re in any condition to leave do you?”

He grinned, trying to gain his stature. “Oh it’s happening, darlin’.”

*

The sunlight made your eyes flutter open. Your entire body ached but at the same time you never felt so good, so happy, so satisfied. You were confused, trying to get a sense of where you were. Memories quickly came rushing back from the night before and suddenly you remembered. You sat up, sheets falling off your naked body. Tom was passed out next to you, still smeared with glitter from the night before.

You smiled. He took you home just like he promised. You lifted up the sheet to see Tom was completely naked. Bruises and bitemarks trailed along his back side and ass. You blushed, remembering the moments you made them with your mouth. 

Your phone buzzed and you looked over to see it on the nightstand next to the bed. Groaning, you reached over to answer. “Y/N speaking.” you greeted, rubbing your eyes.

It was your best friend, the bride-to-be.

“Oh thank fuck! What the hell Y/N? You ditched us last night! I thought you were kidnapped! I almost called the cops!”

You chuckled. “Nah, I’m okay. I uh...had other plans.”

“Like what? What could have been so important that you had to ditch?”

“I hooked up with one of the dancers.”

Silence.

“What?” You hung up to facetime her which she immediately answered. 

“You’re naked.” she stated, staring at you. “And you’re all glittery. Where the fuck are you?”

“At Tom’s place-the dancer.” You smirked as you showed Tom sleeping next to you.

“Oh my god!”

“Shh! Don’t wake him up!” you hissed.

“Oh my god. I can’t believe it. My friend hooked up with a stripper!” Your friend went ballistic to where you hung up and went back to talking normally so she wouldn’t disturb Tom.

“Tell me everything!” she demanded on the other end.

“Well…” You proceeded to tell her everything and by that you mean everything. 

Your friend was stunned to say the least.

“You are a god.” she said. “I’m bowing to you.”

You laughed. “You’re so dramatic.”

Your friend giggled. “I can’t believe this happened.”

“Me neither,” you admitted, looking down at Tom who was still asleep. 

“You gonna see him again?”

“Definitely.”

“Oh god. Imagine telling this to your future children when you asked how you two met.”

You restrained yourself from a loud laugh. “That’s not gonna happen, girl.”

“I’m just saying.” 

“We barely know each other. All we did was fuck.” you reminded her.

She giggled again. “Oh, you and Tom did a lot more than fuck, Y/N.”

You giggled back. “That’s an understatement of the century.”

“You ain’t going to Heaven now girl. You sinned hard.” 

You laughed. “I’m hanging up now.”

You ended your phone call just as Tom stirred. 

He looked up and smiled at you. “Gosh you’re beautiful.” He spoke in a deep, groggy tone. 

You blushed. “I’d make breakfast but I’m too fucking tired.”

You smirked, chuckling. “It’s the thought that counts.”

“C’mere.” He reached upward and you laid back down to scoot closer to him. He tucked a loose strand of hair behind your ear. 

For the first time you got really got a good look at Tom. Every detail of his face was revealed in the afternoon sunlight that flooded through his bedroom window. You only saw bits and pieces in the neon lights from the club the night before. 

His eyes were a warm honey brown. The left brow was uneven but only made his face more handsome. His lashes were a mile long. Messy brown curls stuck up in every direction, making you laugh. The corners of his eyes were complemented with wrinkles when he smiled. 

“What’s so funny, Y/N?”

“Your hair is a mess.”

“So is yours.”

“Wanna know a secret?” you whispered.

“Tell me, love.” He pulled you closer to him.

“I never been happier to have such messy hair.”

Tom laughed. “You’re such a sap.”

It was quiet as you gazed upon Tom’s gorgeous face and vise versa. You weren’t sure what your future held but you sure hell knew Tom was a part of it. 

[lonely-bored-writer]

Winchesters meet the Phantoms Ch. 10

"Tucker's going to be so jealous." Danny grinned around his bite, looking down at the still large Philly cheese-steak sandwich. "He's always wanted to come down here." Sam chuckled at the teen's words. The trio were sat in a small diner in Philadelphia, home of the best Philly Cheese-Steaks. "Oh, you guys gotta tell me something."

"What?" Sam asked, looking over at his brother who just shrugged.

"I wanna know about the books." That instantly pulled a look from both Winchesters. Danny chuckled. "My friend Sam, she's absolutely obsessed with the books, I'm curious, how the hell did those get created."

"It was a prophet of god." Sam sighed. "He thought they were just dreams and we weren't real until we showed up at his doorstep."

"Turns out the douche was still writing away more stories." Dean chimed in. "But we made sure he won't be publishing anymore of our life."

"Aw, and Sam wanted to now what happened after you died." Danny motioned to Dean. "At least I now you're alive. Also, is your like as homoerotic as the stories portray it?"

"No!" Dean groaned, placing his half eaten sandwich back on his plate. "Why does everyone think that!" Sam had a completely different reaction, instead laughing at the question.

"Just asking from what Sam told me." Danny mused. "Besides, she's a huge Destiel fan."

"Destiel?" Sam asked, sharing a confused look with his brother.

"Yea, Dean and Castiel." Danny answered, continuing when it got a confused look from the older Winchester. "As a couple"

"There is no me and Cas." Dean growled, taking a bit from his sandwich. Sam sat back, amused and laughing.

"Hey, don't you laugh. There is a Sabriel ship." Danny pointed to Sam. "You and this guy name Gabriel." At his name, the roles switched to Sam taking an awkward bite from sandwich and Dean laughing his ass off. Danny just smirked and enjoyed his sandwich.

"God, I am stuffed." Danny groaned, laying down in the roll away bed the motel offered. Dean made a groan of agreement, flopping back onto his bed while Sam just shook his head at their antics. Sometimes it was hard to believe they weren't related. Sam took a seat on his bed, pulling out his laptop in search for the last case the trio would be doing together and flipped the TV on to fill the silence...

"Young Danny Walker He Was Just 14 when his parents built a very strange machine" Danny instantly sat up, eyes trained on the television. The Winchesters followed, sharing a look between the two.

"Designed to view a world unseen, when it didn't quite work, his folks they just quit then Danny took a look inside of it, there was a great big flash every thing just changed, his molecules got all rearranged" Danny stared, mouth opened at the cartoon playing before his eyes. He couldn't believe this. Not one bit.

"No fucking way..." Danny trailed, glancing over to Sam and Dean who were focused on the screen.

"When he first woke up he realized he had snow white hair and glowin' green eyes, he could walk through walls, disappear, and fly, he was much more unique than the other guys" That cartoon looked exactly like him, down to the freaking outfit he used to wear constantly when he was fourteen.

"It was then Danny knew what he had to do, he Gotta stop all the ghosts who were coming through. he's here to fight for me and you. He's gonna catch em all cause he's Danny Phantom!" The theme song ended, the opening scene was of his high school.

"Who the hell is Carver Edlund and why the fuck does he know so much about my life?!" Danny asked, looking over to the brothers who have knowing looks.

"Carver Edlund is Chuck." Sam started, glancing over to the screen that showed Danny 'Walker' walking with two other kids. "The prophet of God, he must have started getting visions of you too..."

"But why a cartoon?!" Danny asked, eyes glued to the screen. "Literally everyone I know is there. There's Sam, Tucker, me, my sister, hell there's even Dash!"

"Must have figured if he can't write Supernatural books, he can do whatever this is." Dean chimed in, watching the weird encounter between cartoon Danny and a glowing green wasp. "Did that really happen?"

"Yea, that's Bertrand." Danny nodded, mind still reeling over the fact that his life was now on display for the worlds amusement. "Though I wish I left fights with that little injuries." Danny grumbled, watching cartoon him get out of a crate with no injuries.

"But why Danny Walker?" Sam asked, looking over to the teen for answers.

"Might have picked a random last name, in case his story was a prophet and not made up?" Dean shrugged. "Like how he didn't reveal out last names."

"Walker is my mother's maiden name." Danny mumbled, watching cartoon him enter a home that looked so similar to his real one. "What if my parents see this! They'll know something is up!" Danny realized, worry filling him.

"Hey, I'm sure they won't think its you. Maybe they'll think it's a fan who wrote them in?" Sam tried to offer, watching the show as Danny seemed to interact with an alarmingly large man. "Is your dad that big?"

"He's six foot seven, so yea." Danny answered automatic, used to getting that question whenever people first meet his dad. "They are inventors, geniuses. Do you really think they can't connect the pieces?!"

"Just pull the 'something can't be alive and dead' card, that should work." Dean offer, eyes trained on the animation that he actually found quite interesting.

"They blew everything up." Danny groaned watching himself acting as a superhero. "I didn't have that, and I wasn't a superhero! I swear if I ever meet this guy..."

[writingsofmyimagination]

Restrain Ch.3

Yoongi x Reader, 

Genre: Vampire AU, smut, angsty

Warnings: Swearing, SMUT(YAY!)(oral f recieving).

Word Count:2885

Summary: As Jungkooks best friend recently moved to Seoul, there is one of the boys you have yet to meet. This one has a dark secret and has to use all the restraint he can to control himself around you.

My first BTS fanfiction :) happy reading Armys! Remember to reblog, comments always welcome :)

Part One | Part Two | check out my masterlist for other parts :)

Wasn’t 100% confident with this chapter but I got everything in I wanted :)

Your alarm dragged you into a conscious state at 8:30, your whole being groaned and sighed it’s reluctance as you sat up wearily soothing your throbbing throat with your hands. Navigating yourself through the obstacle course of boxes and bags to the bathroom and visually clarified the damage. A line of deep purple caused a heavy sigh at the inconvenience of trying to manage a cover up operation. You acknowledged that you were well and truly mental pulling over your teal loose workout vest suiting up for a run but after last night you needed to burn energy. You rummaged around one of the boxes for your black neck warmer which matched your running shorts that definitely teetered on the shorter side. Setting your fitness tracker up a knock at the door intruded the quiet of the living room.Your mouth fell open speechless at the visitor before you, Yoongi in black ripped skinny jeans pooling at his ankles over plain black converse. A large fitting white tee scooping deliciously round his neck teasing the top of his pale pecks; the look was finished with a long black coat with a fluffy hood. A penitent expression crossing his face overriding his sweet smile as he pulled up a cup holder offering two cups of steaming coffee.

“Peace offering? I feel like I owe you an explanation for last night and I wanted to see how you were” as deep as his voice was he could certainly speak softly. The fact his eyes took all of you in pleasingly did not go unnoticed by you but you did well to hide your knowing expression.

“Sure” You smiled back reassuringly, you will never turn down coffee especially when it’s offered by the guy in front of you. You stepped aside and motioned him in but he did not follow, he stayed still and a one sided smirk grew on his face.

“Oh sorry, come on in”

“Still unpacking?” Yoongi remarked taking in the chaos of the living area stepping inside.

“Yep, it’s never-ending” you sighed “Sorry please take a seat” you hurried over and moved a box from the table to join a stack where your sofa will be going if it ever arrives.

“Jungkook told me your favourite” handing you the cup of energy, the heat was pleasant, warming your fingertips and the smell uplifted your weariness.

“Thanks, you really didn’t have to” Yoongi took up the seat furthest away from the kitchen side you were leant up against. You had both hands wrapped round the cup sipping appreciatively becoming slightly more self-conscious of your outfit, even Yoongi seemed to be avoiding looking at you and focusing solely on his coffee.

“How is your err neck?” He asked timidly indicating your neck warmer.

“Looks how it feels” you stated pulling the neck warmer down, curiously you touched it and it became less sore with each tap. “What the?” you exclaimed and hurriedly headed to the bathroom mirror only to see it the bruise completely fizzle away before your eyes.

“It’s gone, just disappeared, it was a raging bruise when I woke up” words stumbling out as your brain struggled to process the last few moments. You realised that in your confusion Yoongi was motionless, nursing a devilish smirk. In that moment you remembered what he was and realised what he’d most likely put in your coffee and that thought reflected on your face. You opened your mouth to speak but he beat you to it

“I couldn’t not help, I didn’t know how you’d react if I asked. I’m sorry but not really” His posture had gone from open to retreating as far back as he could in the chair waiting for a rebuff; that you refused to give him.

“Well thank you, I guess but next time you want to do anything with your bodily fluids ask next time!” You raced your hand over your mouth to shroud the giggle that came out of your mouth, your eyes on the other hand conveyed shock and embarrassment. “That came out so inappropriately, I’m sorry” Yoongi exhaled a silent laugh

“It did a bit but also noted” The silent laugh nicely converted into a small chuckle.

“So your explanation?” you quizzed wanting to move away from any more embarrassing remarks. You finally took a seat next to him and once again had to watch him shuffle uncomfortably. “Right” he cleared his throat “So I don’t really feel in control around you and it’s kind of freaking me out, I’ve only felt like this when I was newly turned” This weight dragged round his neck lowering his head and eyes towards the floor.

“oh, why?” your curiosity teased but  your hope of any type of friendship with this guy were squashed by his words.  .

“You err” he paused unable to my gaze for more than a second.

“What?” you pushed, he fidgeted.

“You just smell so amazing” the red flecks danced in his eyes as he continued “it’s so inviting, delectably sweet and with each heart beat I get a fresh rush. Like fresh cookie smell every second” He was speaking faster now, his face a strange contortion of excitement and shame. “It’s infuriating, I want nothing more than to be all over you but when I’m close, Christ even in the same room as you I feel ‘that’ side of me clawing to act and I don’t know how far my restraint can go” You wanted nothing more than to go over and hug this tortured soul but given what he’d just told you you remained.

“Would it help if you like you know tasted? and take away the whole not knowing and forbidden fruit vibe?” Even you were surprised that those words tumbled fearlessly out your mouth. His reaction mimicked yours, looking like a deer in headlights before it merged into admiration.

“That’s probably not a good idea, I mean I’ve not had human blood for such a long time and if it tastes anything like it smells. How can you trust me when even I can’t?”

“But all that bullshit aside would it help? and then you can stop acting so weird around me. Answer yes or no” you demanded still no inhibitions on your part. He twiddled his coffee cup back and forth in thought.

“Well I mean if I know I can control it then yeah maybe” He began sounding more and more unsure of himself and you couldn’t help but find it adorable.

“okay, sorted then. So where’s your favourite erm drinking place?” you toyed and leaned closer to him.

“It’s not that simple..” his hand went to rub the back of his neck before looking at you giving him a look to continue

“Come on say it”

“Thighs” He said sheepishly but not without a quick simpering look as he knew your heart jumped at the thought.

“oh”

“Yeah, that’s why it’s not simple, blood and sex are often mixed, or generally if you get one it kind of makes you needy for the other one.”

“Well I’m not having sex with you” You blurted out way too quickly with as much conviction as you could telling yourself you’d not thought it. The glint you caught of his eyes told you he saw right through your façade. You were grateful he didn’t call you out on it.

“Wrist is fine, you’re not going to let me talk you out of this are you?” Yoongi offering and hoping you’d reconsider.

“Will it leave marks?” you asked completely avoiding his question.

“Not if you don’t want, I can heal you remember. Are you really sure about this Y/N?” You gave your wrist across the table without skipping a beat. “We’d probably be better on the bed” He reacted to your exaggerated ‘really’ face instantly. “Hey, I’ve been put my place regarding my bodily fluids. It would just be more comfortable for you and on the off chance you pass out”  You pondered this for a beat

“makes sense, come on then” you jump up bubbly as ever considering you’d just agreed, no offered to let a vampire feed off you. You finished the final long sip of your coffee and headed to your room. Each step turned up the dial of apprehension which finally decided to kick in; there was also an impenitent surge of excitement which also dialled up and trickled warmly to your stomach and between your legs. Honestly Y/N where’s your control he’s only going drink you not fuck you. Even though you know full well you’d let him.

“You don’t need an invitation for separate rooms do you?” you quipped, observing him slip out of his coat. Yoongi’s feelings were running rampant through his system, he was wary of your safety but the thought of being so close to you had his blood running hot and re-routing to other body parts which he detested he had to control. His biological thirst for human blood was undeniable, he couldn’t ignore the ache it caused in his upper jaw and stomach, it was verging on painful. When he entered the room you were legs crossed on the bed, amusingly watching him take in further chaos which extended to the bedroom.

“What? I wasn’t exactly expecting guys in my room so soon” you jested.

“So soon?” he repeated questionably. “No it’s not that” he paused thoughtfully “I just can’t decide if you’re fearlessly amazing or just insane”

“Can’t someone be both” you bounced straight back, you couldn’t help but smile back at that gummy smile.

“Have you got any more silver? I’d like you to hold some, just in case. And I want you to pick a safe word” The seriousness of his tone suffocated any playfulness that was left in the room. You leaned over to your draw and wrapped another necklace around you right hand and returned to your original position

“I’ll go with ….Rain”. You offered your wrist back to him and this time he took it. The moment your skin touched you felt every molecule of you pull desperately in his direction. He bent forward and touched his lips to your wrist and paused, his pupils began dilating into oceans and his breathing quickened as he breathed in your very essence including the warmth between your legs

“Do you trust me?” he breathed, the warm breath unfurling over my skin sending goose bumps radiating over your skin.

Yes” you said breathily. Before you could take another breath or even blink you’d been pushed up on the bed wrists pinned roughly. The first sound you mustered was a relieved yet flustered moan as his knee pressed firmly in between your legs; you greedily began rolling your hips onto him.

“You have no idea what you do to me” he growled hungrily into your ear. You had no time to respond or react before his mouth was slammed into yours begging for access which you granted fully, the warmth of his tongue whirling around in sync with yours had your insides spinning chaotically. He left your mouth and knocked your head to the side exposing your neck. Your breathing hitched as your brain sent a panicked signal to your heart; you were pinned with no way of utilising the silver. As if your heart had screamed directly at Yoongi his grip ceased on your right wrist; that told you everything you needed to know and that you could trust him whole heartedly. You let the silver trickle through your fingertips and drop to the floor with all of your doubts. His nose traced your neck as he took in your scent and the sound of your blood rushing through your jugular singing to him. He couldn’t stop his fangs from protruding any more, your free hand tangled through the back of his hair pulling a moan from his lips before the left a delicate kiss on your collarbone. The hand that wasn’t pinning you was lavishing every bit of your soft skin he could attain under your shirt, you were a writhing mess beneath him and he’s hardly done anything and you were soaked. You craved so much more than just grinding onto him. The outer ring of his pupils almost glowed with a red haze above his wicked grin as he teased slowly at your waistband. He ran his fingers through your arousal dragging deep moans from both of you

“All this” he pauses gliding his fingers through you again “Smells intoxicating I need to taste you” The smirk that followed was so animalistic that even the flash and sight of his fangs made no difference to his predatory expression. While heavily kissing you again, you gripped his hair and pulled him away “You can taste me from your favourite spot” you managed in between pants, a guttural sound which can only be described as a purr passed his lips, but fuck it was sexy.

Within a beat his head was between your legs, one hand holding your hips down the other moving your shorts and underwear to the side. The smell of your arousal combined with your blood pulsating around his ears was almost unbearable. He almost couldn’t decide what to taste first, but the blood always wins especially smelling like yours. The doubt of his restraint now prominent in his mind did nothing to hinder the overwhelming excitement fizzing through him as his fangs pierced your inner thigh while simultaneously thrusting his fingers inside you.

“Fuck” you cried arching your back, gripping the sheets before switching to his hair. The pain pleasure cocktail ravaged your senses; the blood flowing down his throat satiated a hunger he’d long forgotten he had. Yoongi knew he was in trouble the moment your blood past his lips, It hit his system like heroin and he needed to have you in every way. The sounds of your moans as his fingers blissfully began to build a knot inside you; he needed to hear as often as he could humanly make you.

♪ Lupe Fiasco – Jump ♪ crisply joined your moans

He detached his lips from your thigh, your face wrinkled as you winced slightly. His lips littered with your blood with a small drop escaping from the corner of his mouth “Fucking seriously” he seethed pulling his fingers from your leaving you feeling empty and needy. He sat back and licked all traces of you off his lips and his fingers just as needy. His pupils were almost fully filling his eyes but they began to deflate as he answered the phone from his pocket “What……. “Shit! Sorry yeah I lost track of time I’ll be right there” Burying his phone back into his pocket, regret pouring from his eyes. Before Yoongi explained anything he leant back down pushing your underwear and shorts aside once more and pressed his tongue to your throbbing bundle of nerves and sucked gently “Ahh” you breathed pushing down onto his tongue. Yoongi preceded to lap up your arousal with the tip of his tongue tracing all the way down teasing your entrance. You pouted when he sat back up “I really have to go even though you taste astounding, I’m sorry. I promise I’ll make it up to you” He rushed, clambering of the bed

“You bloody better Min Yoongi” you breathed, finally taking control of your out of control heart rate. Yoongi offered a hand to steady yourself as you got back on your feet, light-headedness swamped you, grabbing onto his hand tightly for support until you stabilised.

“I really will I promise, and I’m damn sure going to make you beg and have you crying my name as you cum” the provocative tone itself was enough to fuel your inner heat even more. He paused as he helped you onto your feet enjoying your surprised face at his bluntness. It quickly diffused into an agreeable response with you toying with your bottom lip “and it’ll be more than once” he promised.

“But don’t you dare touch yourself while I’m gone” He warned red flashing in his eyes in agreeance. “I’ll know”.

“What? How?” you half shouted after him but it was too late he was already gone. This super speed stuff was getting irritating. Your phone buzzed, the vibration reverberating of the dinner table.

         [Yoongi 10:00am] To answer your question, with the blood I’ve had I have an all access pass to sense and feel your emotions, so if you cum I’ll know and you’ll be in big trouble, I need to finish what I started. I’ll message as soon as I’m done at practice. Please make sure you eat plenty today and rest.

You couldn’t help but be curious what being in trouble with Yoongi would entail, grinning hugely at your phone screen.

        [Y/N 10:03am] I can’t decide if that’s a really creepy or cool ability. What kind of trouble exactly? ;). I have plenty of unpacking to be getting on with so I think I’ll be able to remain a good girl. I’m not the one with apparent dangerous restraint issues. Have a good practice talk soon, don’t think about how amazing I taste too much 😂.

Now more than ever you needed that run and a very vital cold shower.

[grell-writes-stuff]

@fenfaerie I did something ~*~*~*~Fucked Up~*~*~*~

When the bell rings again, I breathe a small sigh. I’ve made it to lunch without losing my lunch (breakfast). Bryson turns to me as I’m shoving my textbook back into my bag, and I try to read his face. I can’t quite decipher if his offer is genuine, or just out of obligation because I’m staring to feel like the pathetic, left-behind friend that they, for some reason, still feel the need to try to include.

“Hey, we’re going to Wendy’s for lunch. You in, Scott?” he asks. Both he and Matt look at me expectantly.

And that’s how I end up in Cole’s car again, sitting in the back with my crutches wedged on a diagonal between me and Bryson. I’m probably not hungry enough to actually eat – that I’m sure of – but they’d end up worrying too much or maybe scrapping the plan all together if I declined. Or they’d just go without me and I’d be stranded at ECR for half an hour with nothing to do and nobody to hang out with. I figured going to Wendy’s was the best option.

When we arrive and it’s my turn at the counter, I order water and a side of fries, and ignore the look of judgment from the cashier. I figure I won’t actually eat the fries and just let my friends pick at them, and my drink of choice is a safe bet and won’t do anything to my unpredictably fragile stomach. I’m doing so well already. I could afford to vomit, but I’d rather not. If I can finish off this day, it’ll be beyond victory. I’ll give myself a goddamn trophy for doing what every teenager in the history of mandatory education has already done. Which sounds fucking pathetic, but I choose to disregard that.

The four of us claim a booth, and the rest of them dig in. I don’t. I’d rather not even think about food because it makes my gut tense up a little. The only food-related thought I allow myself is wondering if a single burger will be enough to satisfy Cole when I’ve seen him devour three in one sitting before (with a side of large fries).

“So, Scott,” Cole starts to ask mid-swallow. His brown eyes meet mine. “When’s the cast come off?”

I hear the sharp breath that Bryson takes in through his teeth. “Really, Cole?”

My response comes out unfiltered.

“I don’t know, Cole. Whenever they fucking tell me it can.”

I regret it. Immediately. But Cole’s never been great at screening his questions before he speaks, so who cares whether or not I censor my answers? Who cares if I’m snarky? I think I’m allowed to be – expected to be – at this point.

“Scott,” Bryson sighs and scolds me in a similar, exhausted manner.

But that goes unheard, and so does Cole’s attempt at an apology because a voice by the entrance to the building carries on air and sends a bullet of ice up my spine. I only catch the tail-end, but that’s all it takes to make my jaw set.

“–and she was so good.”

It’s a flat tone. Sarcastic. Slightly nasally, yet shrill. As shrill and annoying as tinnitus, and it makes me want to shove one of my balled fists through drywall just to be able to feel something physical because my body suddenly goes numb. I don’t know how since I feel so stiff, my muscles locking rigid like the links of a chain pulled taut, but my head turns robotically of its own accord to zero in on her tiny form, and I wish I could shoot missiles from my eyes because she is in my line of fire.

Along with Roxy and a gaggle of her dumb, bratty friends, Selena Walton has entered the restaurant.

“Why the fuck is she here?” It slips out, a hiss seething through my teeth.

There’s a pause. Probably the guys are following my stare as it pierces her body like a battle axe. Their voices resume.

“Cole and I made the lunch plan at his locker after second period,” Matt begins. “Isn’t hers, like–”

“Right across the hall,” Cole finishes.

“She could have overhead,” Bryson pitches.

“Subliminal messaging,” Matt suggests.

Excuses. They’re all excuses. And I don’t care. I realize while they’re speaking that what I said was rhetorical. Instead, it should be: Who allowed her to be here? I got rid of her – why does she still insist upon barging into my life when she’s done enough shit to me already?

And the three of them need to stop trying to figure out her presence here because their voices are carrying and it’s not a big dining space. Suddenly, Roxy spots us – unlike the rest of them, she’s never trapped in her own, self-centered world, and she notices things in her peripheral. She does a short, cheery wave, and then Selena’s malicious, artificial face turns to me, and her makeup-masked, raccoon eyes meet mine, and then I see red for a minute.

“Hey, guys!” Roxy speaks, knocking me back into reality. I’m sitting in our booth and Roxy’s come up to the edge of the table with Selena, and their minions (two fake-blondes who share seven braincells between them named Tiffany Something-or-other and Ashley Something-or-other).

I don’t greet her back. I’m just focused on how hungry my balled-up knuckles feel, how the sensation has drained from my face, and how the humming molecules of my body are ready to snap and explode like a firecracker and cause the kind of destruction that is only capable of a nuclear bomb. My throat feels like it’s been scooped out piece-by-piece by a melon baller. I’m ready to unleash an airstrike just so everybody can feel how I suddenly feel – smitten to smoldering ash.

And that feeling is so smothering that I can’t find that logical part inside of me that I know is screaming out, trying to tell me that I’m scaring myself. It’s too far away to listen to.

I hear Matt, Cole, and Bryson respond politely to Roxy, but my teeth are fused together, and my eyes are trying to burn holes into the skin that once burned me as toothpick arms wrapped around my neck, so I don’t participate. By now, everyone must be used to that.

Roxy continues, “Bryson, I, uh, think I left something at your place the other day.”

“Oh, uh, yeah,” he responds. “Just text me when you want to come pick it up.”

My hearing starts to seem muffled and distorted as my blood races through every vein like it’s trying to qualify as an Olympic sprinter. I don’t have the time to dissect the fragments of conversation I’m able to pick up because she stops trying to distance herself from our table, and suddenly seems to register my presence. Her brown eyes flick to me and it sends an electric zap jumping through my body as if I’d jammed a fork in an outlet.

“What the fuck are you looking at?”

It just slips out. Unfiltered. I don’t regret it. Not even when the whole earth goes silent, or when her angled brows raise, her pupils beginning to burn. Not when the stunned pause shatters and Bryson says, “Scott, what the fuck?”

It goes unheard.

“You think you have the right to stalk me after what you did to him?!”

Him.

Okay, I wasn’t expecting that. Me. I meant to say me. After all she’s done to me. But that came bursting out instead like a dam finally giving way from the fissures and cracks that went ignored, letting a tidal wave loose to drown an innocent valley. I feel something else apart from the anger festering at my core. At my center, the shadowy mass that has been living inside of me knits itself into a tight, heavy ball. As it begins to run out of threads of itself, it slowly merges with the rage. They are one, yet they wrestle each other in a tangle of metaphysical limbs. The realization has just left my tongue and kicked me in the chest, stomach, skull.

“Excuse me?” Her obnoxious lips say. It’s quiet and I think it’s supposed to be, but that doesn’t matter. Even as a whisper, there’s still a punch to her tone.

I want to punch something – her, or just something hard enough to shatter every bone in my hand. I’m breathing with such intensity that my shoulders are heaving along with my chest, and I can’t suppress it. In, out, in out. Kelley’s suggestion to breathe slow and deep doesn’t work. My lungs are ablaze like her glare. My eyes are stinging, but it’s not tears rubbing salt into my wounds. This time, it’s a memory casting over my vision invasively.

Stupid, bubbly handwriting.

She’s not speaking. She’s waiting, suspended in the silence like a predator devising her next move carefully. Yet her heckling voice batters at my ears and no number of middle fingers will make it stop. I can’t hold it inside of me any longer because the venomous darkness has expanded to fill the furthest crevices of my being. I lose my sanity and I throw it at her with all I have. I’m operating on autopilot.

“It was your idea! It was all your fault! We wouldn’t have been there if it wasn’t for you!”

“Morgan?!” Bryson sounds shocked and distant, but it doesn’t stop the tragic truth as it comes screaming out of me.

“He’d still be here if it wasn’t for you!”

And, just like that, it’s out there in the universe, and the air feels weighted with my words and ready to crush us all. The atmospheric pressure rivals the mass of four thousand mountains, and the heat boils my blood until it turns to lava. I’m a volcano, and I have just erupted.

Everyone is frozen like they can’t find words, but I’m not focused on that. I’m not focused on the things around me – like the other restaurant patrons who are surely gawking at what’s about to be a verbal fistfight at Wendy’s. The rest of the world goes dark and it’s only me and her.

Her nostrils flare, and somehow, even with a set jaw, her mouth parts. Her eyes are raging forest fires, now infected by surprise, but also by challenge. Her voice has the power to wound, but also has a hollow quality that tells me how deeply my own blow landed. The two words I’ve heard from her a million times are more hostile and poisonous than ever before.

“Fuck you.”

Everyone is surely staring because making a scene isn’t that hard. We’ve been the negative center of attention before.

“Fuck me? Fuck you! You just had to go to that cliff, didn’t you?! You just had to find the ‘perfect’ cliff and hog the spotlight and the praise and just be an attention whore! And it’s not like any of this matters to you because you never cared about any of us – no, you only care about yourself, you conceited bitch!”

“So you’re calling me a fucking narcissist?” she demands, her teeth bared. “Maybe get off your own fucking high horse because you don’t know shit!”

“I know all the shit I need to know! I know you could have picked literally anywhere else and he would still fucking be here!”

I’m even hitting my own nerves like each one is a piece in my drum kit and I’m in the middle of an angry solo. But even though I’m shaking, and she’s just a teary blob in the center of my obscured vision, and I’m fighting just as hard to keep my voice even as I am fighting her, that doesn’t stop me from saying it.

“You led him to his death! He died because of you!”

“Fuck you!”

“Fuck you! It’s all your fucking fault! Just stay out of my fucking life before you take that away from me too!”

Whoever invented the idea of storming off clearly was not bound to crutches, but I’m too riled up to care about the awkward, intricate ritual of pulling myself to my good leg, and hobbling away from her. I think she continues to scream at me, but all I can hear is the rushing in my ears as all the blood must have seeped to my head because none of it is in my bone-white hands where they’re gripping my supports so goddamn tight so I don’t just turn around and slug her in her smug, angry fucking face. And I know I just have to get out of this place before I finally fucking snap and cross that line as well.

California heat hits me once I leave the air-conditioned building and it doesn’t do much to dull the hot rage. It feeds it. I don’t have the stability to consider tearing myself from the hoodie that was such a stupid choice to confine myself to, and I’m half afraid I’ll end up punching the hood of Cole’s disaster of a Cherokee and shattering my knuckles like glass because my entire fucking broken body is about to burst like an over-filled water balloon – except the water is acid.

“What the fuck, Scott?!”

I turn at the voice behind me to see that Bryson’s stormed out after me – and probably with better success considering the drama of it all would have been better on two working legs (though he still would’ve had to ask Cole to move to actually leave the booth, which is also not ideal for stomping away enraged).

This time, the careful façade he’s been putting on for me has just…gone. It’s disappeared. Behind it – and it’s probably been brewing for a while – is the look he gives me now. Frustration, shock, horror, vexation. And his tone, loud and indignant, makes me feel like a wall has been suddenly, hastily erected around me like a defensive barrier, except I’m just as ready to tear it down with my bare hands. I am a stronghold and a war machine. A new verbal fistfight is approaching the vicinity of the Wendy’s parking lot.

“What do you mean ‘what the fuck’?! She stalked us! She’s not leaving me the fuck alone!”

“Will you get the fuck over yourself?!”

That’s the first blow in this brawl, and it hits me like he’s thrown a hammer at my forehead. After over a month of being wary, Bryson’s finally decided to stop pulling his punches. And I don’t know if it makes me angrier or just…shocked. I feel numb all of a sudden. Then I’m grappling for something to scream back at him, but my brain still feels like it’s on fire and there are alarm bells blaring, but I’m stuck.

“So you’re dating Roxy now?! You just weren’t going to tell any of us?!”

Maybe that’s not something that should sound so mad coming from my mouth, but I really can’t find much else to yell at him for.

“This isn’t about me, Morgan!”

 He never uses my first name – or very rarely at that. But this isn’t like the way he’d said it on the worst day of my life, or the stunned exclamations just a moment ago in our booth. This switch between Scott and Morgan is serious. It’s serious in the way that a Shakespearean tragedy is serious where one minute two minor roles are making dick jokes, and the next someone’s been stabbed with a rapier through their kidney.

“Can you just give her a fucking break?!”

“She’s not giving me a fucking break!”

“Oh, my God! She’s not out to get you, Morgan! It’s not her mission to destroy your fucking life!”

“That’s literally always been her fucking deal!”

“Yeah? Then why the hell would she save it?!”

Save it? His eyes are hard, and something must come to my face while I’m staring at him because I watch as his steeliness can’t suppress a tiny shudder because he lets himself remember that day – parts of it that my mind couldn’t close around. His voice softens, and it’s painful, and he’s trying to fight back the emotions just so he can get it out as trembling words.

“You think I know what to fucking do when two of my friends fall off a goddamn cliff? Because I don’t. And neither does Matt. Or Cole. Scott, I…I froze.”

I know how that feels. I’m rooted to the spot and my body feels like it’s full of rocks and one heart that’s beating as fast as a jogger on a morning run. I don’t speak. I can’t make myself, and I’m waiting to hear what he’s going to say because I’m still trying to piece it together, and I’m terrified that I’ve finished the wrong puzzle since the picture no longer looks anything like the artwork on the box that I feel like I’ve been staring at for the past thirty-eight days.

“Did you know she knows first aid and CPR? Because I had no fucking clue. She was halfway down to the ledge before I…even really knew what happened.”

By this point, his voice is slow and careful so he can keep it together, but his face is still soul-crushing. I don’t want to imagine how I must look. My throat has closed, and the only thing keeping my hands from shaking are my crutches because I’m gripping them to avoid falling into Hell as punishment for the things that I screamed at her.

“She made sure you were okay… Breathing… I don’t think I would have had the sense to call nine-one-one if she hadn’t yelled at me to.

“And then she went to him when Cole got him out of the water, and…and she tried, Morgan. She tried to save him too. A paramedic literally had to pull her away from him because she wanted him to be okay…”

I’m hollow and my eyes are blurry and punctured by a hundred needles. My words are tainted with leftover hostility, but they’re only as loud as the whispers of a mouse. “Why the fuck didn’t you tell me?”

“Yeah, that’s what you wanted,” he says with a sarcastic edge to it. “When we tell you the worst thing you’re ever going to hear, you want her there? You want to be thinking about Selena? We all thought you’d just…be better off not knowing that she was the only one with her shit together when it happened. She insisted. You know she didn’t leave the hospital until she knew you were going to be all right? She only left after we knew that, and we couldn’t have made her stay for…literally anything in the world. ‘He’s not going to want me here.’”

My legs are going to give way, even with my crutches. I lean against Cole’s Cherokee that’s been baking in the sun, and my burning, protective layer becomes hotter, but I don’t care. I’m still fuming, and her image enters my brain, and those flames don’t stop because of all the shit I’ve had to put up with since I bumped into her that day in a middle school hallway. Her constant torment, and psychological warfare, and pranking, and verbal fistfights both in public and private places.

So why do I feel like the ultimate asshole right now?

Years have passed before I hear Bryson speak again in that tone that he used on me yesterday when he dropped me off at home after I’d failed. “Are you coming back in?”

My lips part to answer, but I don’t have anything to say. I’m too afraid that I’ll still lose it when I see her again because my fists still itch with a ravenous craving. And, even if she’s left, I don’t feel stable enough to go back inside to where I erupted, not when every single person witnessed it, their eyes turned on the scene. It’s the opposite of healing, but I refuse to let myself feel so I can answer him.

I shake my head. “I’ll wait out here.”

He goes back to the booth.

[ill-skillsgard]

Patterns in the Ivy, Part 6 - Bill Skarsgård

Title: Patterns in the Ivy

Description: A continuation of Smoke & Money. Ghosts from the not-so-distant past come back to threaten her. She must choose between a lavish life of servitude or have everything she ever loved stripped away.

Warning: 18+ smut/swearing/mentions of drugs/kink & fetish themes

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6 Part 7 Part 8 Part 9 Part 10 Part 11 Part 12

Nobody took the news of us moving as hard as Kiki did. When I told her, she cried. Then I began crying and the realization that the only important thing I would be leaving behind was her friendship. She had helped me through a lot of dark days and I felt like I was abandoning her with barely a warning. When I told her these things she shook her head through the tears and said, "No, J, this is what you want. Imagine all of the things that Ivy will be able to do. All of the things that you will be able to do because of him." I stared at my feet, ashamed for my past self yet high on the thought of moving back to the glamorous West Coast, into Bill's estate and sitting second to him, a King, dressed in the latest fashions and drunk on the affluence of his private desires. Although I didn't bear upon my excitement in the slightest, these fantasies were materializing quickly. I cried for the friendship that had gotten me through the harsh realities of living as a runaway but I did not allude to how I was now yearning for my taste of wealth. Not even to Bill. On the outside, I appeared calm and asserted but I knew that my thoughts were caught in a roundabout. I was excited for us, for Ivany and for the new way of life that Bill had already begun to wrap us up with but I was dreading the questions that were sure to follow after I told Kiki and Ivany's teachers at school that we would be pulling her out a month early so we could move. Kiki understood me. She always had. That's what made her such a good friend. She knew the struggles I had gone through at the hands of greedy men and how hard it was to fit into the mold of what most would deem a normal life. I promised her that we would come to visit or that she could come to visit us when she insisted if anyone was going to be hospitable, it would be us with all of Bill's money and his huge home and his fancy cars. As long as I gave her a glimpse into the new, exotic and luxurious life I was being swept off to live, she would forgive me for leaving. Bill paid off my lease so that we could move without a hitch. He had been persistent on us to take as little as possible since we would be flying across the country as soon as Ivany's last day of school was done. I didn't want to yank her out of school so quickly but Bill insisted we go as soon as comfortably possible since he had been putting work off for as much time as it had taken him to find me and coax me into returning home with him. It all seemed to happen so fast that when I turned around, I was staring at the front door of the little townhouse Ivany and I had spent almost her entire life in, bags packed with enough clothes to get us through a couple of days, ready to load into another one of Bill's rentals to speed off to a small airport where his private jet was stored. "J, are you ready? Ivany's in the car." Bill's voice sounded from behind me. "Oh, uh, yes. I'm ready." I felt his fingertips at the base of my spine and they trailed downward comfortingly. He bent forward and stopped when his lips were next to the shell of my ear. "You won't miss this. I promise you," he said with his mouth pressed to my hair. I turned to him and saw that he had on a reserved smile with one hand plunged into his trouser pocket and the other one reaching out for mine. I stared down at his wide palm, long fingers clenched together in an offering. I slid my fingers over his and remarked to myself how comically large his hand seemed to mine. He was right. Once we drove off I hardly felt the nag to look back. Of course, I still felt a swelling of sadness in my chest but when I saw Ivany holding Bill's hand the way I just had, nothing else mattered. We spent most of the ride to the hangar talking to Ivany about flying on an airplane. She seemed so happy that I forgot about everything that had been weighing me down. I stopped constantly remembering my past, the worries I had about paying bills and my shitty car and our tiny townhouse. I displaced the fear of being alone after Ivany went to bed. Now that I was with Bill, nothing was going to be the same. My years-old worries had dissipated further and further into fragments, specks then molecules before they were completely gone before my eyes like a fine vapor carrying off to invisibility. The private plane was a whole different experience that I never envisioned myself having. The whole concept of us flying on an airplane with just a pilot and one attendant baffled me. I tried not to show how impressed I was but when we drove up to the plane and walked up the steps and I saw the interior of it I couldn't help but scoff at over-the-top it felt. Ivany was naturally amused beyond belief and could hardly contain her excitement when she saw what was in store for her. Bill boarded right behind us and showed Ivany that there was a TV she could watch or places she could sit to read or draw and I had never seen her eyes go so big and round. The plane could have boarded twenty people but it was just us, the puffy white leather seats, tables and throw pillows and a blond flight attendant that had a game-show style smile plastered to her face. "Welcome aboard Mr. Skarsgård," she said, even going so far as to adopt the Swedish accent when she pronounced his last name. Bill nodded in her direction as he unbuttoned his blazer, revealing more of his navy blue button-up shirt underneath. I was overcome with a fear that I may not look as qualified as he did to be on a private jet. His outfit was intimidating, his shoes shot out from the ends of his long legs, the colour of caramel with a pointed toe and twice as shiny. His hair was all combed back and held there with a touch of wax and he smelled like the best cologne money could buy. Then the panic started to settle in and I grew quiet. I took a seat and just relaxed there for a moment to catch a breath and calm my pounding pulse. Luckily Ivany was nowhere near as nervous as I was and provided an incredible distraction between Bill and I. It wasn't flying I was afraid of. I had flown all over the States and was no stranger to it. My problem was the way Bill was dressed and the cylindrical ottomans and the plastic Barbie of a flight attendant and the fact that you could comfortably fit an entire sports team on the plane and then some and how I wasn't dressed for the occasion. The voice shouting you don't belong here kept repeating itself over and over and then morphed into something more like you don't deserve this. "Daddy, can I sit beside you?" I heard Ivany ask. Daddy. Yes, I thought, Daddy indeed. Sugar Daddy 2.0 and I was playing pet and wife and I had no clue what he did for a living. Was I sitting in a Mafia procured aircraft? Was I taking my daughter back to my homeland to live with a criminal? It was far too much to think about all at once. I knew Bill had friends and money but an old CEO of a beer coaster company who had erectile dysfunction had once told me that rich men didn't have a lot of friends and if they did then you knew they were dirty. He told me about partying with the richest of the rich and how mountains of cocaine really did exist and these Wallstreet tycoons would all take turns railing fat lines off of hookers and strippers every night. He was an old client of mine and probably one of the richest I'd ever had besides Bill. Sometimes all they wanted to do was talk and sometimes I remembered what they told me. I peered over at Bill and our daughter and he didn't look up once from the yearbook that Ivany had been toting around with her. Could he be the leader of a drug ring? I wondered this instead of thinking about how obviously underdressed I was to be sitting in such a luxurious chair inside of a million dollar plane. I tried to picture Bill up late at night in the middle of an unused warehouse that hadn't completely lost its purpose, sitting with a bunch of hard looking guys, talking business. In my vision, he was smoking a cigarette and maybe letting the conversation take its own way among his boys as he sat back absorbing information in the calm stoic way he had about him. Or maybe he was the type to really enthuse about his product. Cocaine, maybe heroin or meth. No, definitely not meth. Something expensive though. "Miss? A drink?" The attendant's voice shook me from my reverie. I looked back again and Bill and Ivany were both staring at me. "Um, no thanks. Oh, a glass of water." I said. "Darling," Bill called over to me. "Have some wine, you look tense." Ivany looked between the three adults on the plane over and over until her eyes settled back on the book in front of her. Normally I felt unsure of drinking in front of my daughter but when Bill nodded his head I felt like I was obligated to. "Sure," was all I managed. Once we were up in the air I started to calm down and with a glass of wine, it took the edge off of the anxiety that was shiving me in the spleen. Bill's fucking plane, of course, had WiFi and a Smart TV so Ivany could watch literally anything she wanted. I was grateful for the distractions until Bill stood up and came to me. "You can relax now." He said. "I know." "You get nervous flying?" "Not normally, no. It's just... This is weird." Bill fawned over me, running his hand through my hair. "You'll get used to it." What I really wanted was to get some time alone with Bill that didn't necessarily involve getting fingered in a restaurant or eaten out in the back of a moving vehicle or spanked in a hotel room. I needed some genuine conversation with this man that I hardly knew but had a child with. I wanted to know how he got where he was, about his family and his childhood and his hopes and dreams. What was I moving our tiny little lives into? Who was Mr. Bill Skarsgård exactly? Entrepreneurial hotel owner or drug lord? He excused himself to go speak to the pilot and left towards the cockpit. Once he disappeared behind the heavy velour curtain I turned my body around to see what Ivany was doing. "Hi, honey. Having fun?" I asked her. "Yeah, look out the window Mommy!" "I know sweetheart, we're up in the sky!" "I can't believe it." "It's amazing, isn't it?" Ivany nodded. "Daddy went to go talk to the pilot." "That's right." I had another conservative little sip of my wine. As much as I wanted to drain a bottle of Merlot to myself, I didn't want to start catching a buzz on a plane with my kid right there and my anxiety level fluctuating. I also didn't get too comfortable in my seat, especially once I heard a bout of giggling coming from the front of the plane. Bill threw back the curtain and I saw the remnants of a smile on his face and the flight attendant seemingly blushing. "Alright, see you later." He dismissed himself. I watched him stroll back over with a sway that had been absent on his way there. It made me really uncomfortable real fast the way I saw that flight attendant beaming at him in the kind of a way I would look at him after he called me something like darling or sweetheart or little girl. The wine suddenly started to taste really good and as soon as the attendant was in my sight again I raised my empty glass. "Excuse me, ma'am? Can you bring me another one of these?" "Certainly," She replied promptly, coming to take my empty glass from me. "Mommy, you should come over here and play with me and Daddy." Ivany's little voice called to me. "I'll be right over." After the attendant brought me a new glass of wine I graciously accepted it but not without peering at her for a couple of extra moments just to make sure she knew I wasn't going anywhere. I stared at the back of her head, blond hair all tightly wrapped in a bun sitting low on her neck, the tight little pencil skirt that exaggerated the curve of her ass. I looked back at my soon-to-be-King and tried to picture him fucking her. He could, I knew, but whether he had or not remained a mystery. I just didn't like the way she smiled whenever he spoke. My annoyed inflection was apparent for the entire flight and even after we landed. Though the sun was warm and I really was excited to be back on the West Coast, my suspicions had only grown worse when, before arriving, the flight attendant spoke to Bill and gently laid her hand on top of his shoulder for a second too long. The jealousy I was feeling was completely uncharacteristic of me and that alone was the cause for my irritability. Envy was a new colour on me that I didn't quite like and Bill could tell that there was something storming inside my head too. All I could picture was how many times he had wrapped those long fingers of his around that flight attendant's throat and pushed her up against a wall. Did he treat her the way he treated me? Did he whisper mine in her ear as he used those same fingers to fuck her with her forest green pencil skirt still on? The trip from the airport to Bill's estate was a long and quiet one. Luckily I was able to occupy my thoughts with the sentimentality of driving down familiar highways. It had been years since I had gone back home and I honestly never thought I would again but as we passed familiar landmarks my soul filled with the warm cure for the homesickness I didn't know I had. Looking at Bill's face, being in the back of an expensive rental car with our daughter bobbing in and out of a nap felt familiar in the way one might experience a cripplingly uncanny case of deja-vu. When we took an unexpected exit off the highway I looked at Bill, questions making themselves evident in my expression. "I forgot to mention that we moved." He told me. "You're not in the city anymore?" A tasty little smirk spread across his lips. "Just on the outskirts now. More privacy." He hadn't been kidding about the privacy part, when we finally got off the highway we drove down a pencil mark of a back road until we reached an area of rolling hills that had been excavated exclusively for the filthy-rich. Multi-million dollar homes sat atop of hills with winding driveways, cascading windows, carports fraught with fast cars, brand-new gates that were so recent you could practically smell the fresh cement. Some of them even had horse stables that drew Ivany's attention more than anything. "Horsies!" She exclaimed. "Do you like horses?" Bill asked her. "Yes, I love them!" "What colour horse would you want?" "I like white horses, like Maximus!" Bill looked to me, smile unwavering. I cracked a smile of my own and said, "she's talking about Tangled." It was cute to watch Bill pretend to know what Ivany was talking about. I couldn't envision a young Bill being interested in movies at all. It was another thing that made me realize I had no idea what his childhood was like. There was so much mystery surrounding him I couldn't even concoct a scenario in my mind of what he would have been like as a kid. Ivany explained the entire plot of the movie to her father and hadn't finished by the time we pulled up to a massive wrought-iron gate flanked with gnarled blue oak trees and pines so that what lay beyond it was completely unobservable from the road. Through the tinted windows, I watched the driver reach out from the car and wave a small fob over the sensor of a keypad just below an intercom speaker. The ten-foot tall gate creaked to life and began slowly shifting away, grinding heavy but smoothly on its tracks to allow the car through. I held my breath as we drove through, winding around a collection of trees that could only be described as a small forest. When it cleared I could see the house and it was a departure from what I had pictured in my mind. When I thought of moving back home I expected Bill's Victorian-style manor in the city where we had met for the first time with the roundabout driveway and the pillars and the easy access into town. The property grew bigger as we approached or rather, we grew smaller in its shadow. The structure was reminiscent of the Renaissance, with stone archways, red crosses marking the front windows, stone parapets and turrets thrusting into the sky like swords. The front entrance was atop a set of carved stone steps that took a gentle turn left beneath an overhang. The building was nothing short of a small chateau and Ivany agreed. "We're going to live in a castle!?" She shouted, her hand planted on the glass of the window. "Of course," Bill said to her. "Isn't that where most princesses live?" The pure unadulterated joy that she displayed was elating not only to me but to Bill as well. She rushed us to let her out of the car so that she could stand before the manor and stare up in awe as our bags were taken in. We stood in a cluster, a tripod of a family in front of the stairs leading up to the entrance. Bill stooped down to kiss Ivany on the cheek and whispered, "welcome home, Princess Ivy." She followed the driver to the front door, swinging and lifting her little legs up each stone step behind him. I had never seen her so eager before. I followed behind her to make sure she didn't go reeling backward with excitement and Bill trailed me closely, hand grazing my hip, little laughs escaping him as he observed all of the animation taking place. As I suspected, the interior of the manor exceeded even Bill's standards of luxury. Although there was a modern-day style of minimalism, whereas there wasn't much in the way of furniture, everything else was decked and dressed in Persian rug, velvety damask, crystal, polished wood, shining marble and well cared for antique brass. I had no idea why Bill required a bigger house than the one he had in the city but I held my tongue and asked no questions. That was right up until he showed us the bedrooms. Ivany's room was going to be redecorated to suit her four-year-old tastes which meant everything in purple, new drapes, a new bed and a redesigned walk in closet for her soon-to-be new wardrobe and toys. There was one window in the room that was covered in heavy linen drapes that Bill opened so the sun could pour into the room. He beckoned Ivany to his side and lifted her so she could see out of the window. "Do you know what that is?" He pointed. "Yes. That's a stable." "Do you know what goes on a stable?" "Horses!" "That's right. We'll have to find you a white horse to live in the stable." "MAXIMUS!" Ivany shouted. I walked around in a daze, my eyes never finding the same place to settle on twice. The extravagance of the manor was nothing like what I was expecting and there wasn't a thing that could have prepared me for it. "This house is... Gigantic. I'm going to get lost in it." I said more to myself than to Bill. "There will be plenty of time for wandering but for now, I want to show you your room." "My room?" I asked. Ivany had already busied herself unpacking her bag so she could set up her toys and put away her clothes as she liked to. She wanted her velveteen rabbit on the massive bed but there was no chance of her being able to hoist herself onto it. "Are you fine staying in here for a while, Princess?" Bill asked her. "Yup! I'm going to put my dolls together on the bed." He went to her and lifted her onto the bed along with her suitcase and made her promise to stay there for a moment. I knew that she would have no problem staying put but I didn't say anything until we left the room and continued down a hall big enough for a train to pass through. "What do you think of this place?" Bill asked as he led me down the corridor. "It's... A lot." "Do you like it?" "Well, of course, I do. Who wouldn't?" Bill stopped in front of a set of twin doors and turned towards me. The light coming in from one of the cathedral style windows was just enough to cast shadows over the painting frames, the antiquated accent tables, and his face. When he opened the door for me I stepped into a room that was not from our time. There was a canopy bed fat with scarlet and silver pillows, the headboard crested with hand-carved filigree the colour of bleached bone and four posters carved from mahogany. A bedside chest of drawers was home to a brass lamp in the shape of a willow tree, its branches tear-shaped crystals that twinkled as I walked in. All in all, I was absolutely speechless for so many reasons that it made me want to sit down. It was happening so fast and I was coming up with more questions on top of the questions I already had. Bill noticed that I was becoming distraught because I simply couldn't hold it back any longer. "What's the matter?" He asked me. If I had an iota less of self-control I would have felt my lip quiver but I took in a deep breath and searched for the right words to say to him as he stood there in front of me with his eyebrows raised. "My room? You mean we're not... We're not-" "Sharing a room?" He finished my sentence. I knew if I tried to say anything else I might start to waver. Bill relaxed his shoulders and took his hands out of his pockets, expression softening as he approached me. I turned my face away so that he wouldn't stare directly into my watering eyes but he was persuasive in the way that he wrapped his arms around my shoulders and pulled me into him. "I'm not going to pretend like this isn't a huge fucking deal for you. I know what it means for you to be here. I know that I plucked you and Ivany out of your cozy little life and threw you across the country, trust me. It's going to take time for us to grow accustomed to it all and I just figured it would be appropriate to give you your own space for now." He softened even further when he saw my eyebrows furrowed together. "I don't have all of the answers." He added. "I get no answers from you, ever. Why do you even want me here? What am I to you that's so important you needed to drag me back?" Bill's grip tightened on my elbows. "Listen to me, all you need to know if that I want you here. You are mine and you are the mother of my only child so I think that elevates your status from call-girl, don't you think? I want what's best for us and for her. Don't take offense because I offered you a room of your own. I thought you would be a little more gracious." "I am, Bill. I'm grateful, I'm in awe of you, I cannot believe what is happening but it's freaking me out a little bit." "Why?" "Because I have no idea who you are! I don't know what you do or why you have a fucking palace and I don't know what my role is in your life!" Bill ran his tongue over his teeth in preparation for his retort. "So you want a label? Is that what you want? Will some out-dated, superficial term give you comfort? Or can you just accept what is going on around you? Can't you just be happy with what I'm offering you? We can work out the details as we go along but for right now you need to trust me and just live in the time I am giving to you." Our eyes smoldered at each other. His brows were clenched and that alone intensified his entire expression. The look he had on was absolutely menacing and for some reason, I wanted to tread further just to see where it would take me. "You want an obedient little house pet." "Just one little facet of the overall person I know you to be." "You don't know me at all." Bill grabbed my cheeks with one hand, pinching my face as he snarled, "I want you to be a good little girl and live with me in my fucking castle with our perfect daughter who is about to turn five and I want to own that cunt while you help me run the fucking world. I want you to stop complaining and spend my fucking money on shit that will make you two happy and at the end of the day, I want you to worship at my feet and make me come because you know..." His voice dulled to a low whisper. "You know that Daddy's going to make you come ten times harder, isn't that right?" I felt my flesh crawl and my knees weaken when Bill let go of my face. "You're already here, J. You made it. You're the Queen of this castle... But everybody knows that she still answers to the King." He told me. "Okay... Fine." "Does all that sound good to you?" "Yes." "Yes, what?" He growled. "Yes... Daddy." As soon as the word left my mouth I watched his teeth graze his bottom lip and he pulled me in close to him, tipping my face up and licking his lips before kissing me long and hard. When he pulled away he whispered, "that's my good girl. Now, we're going to have a really nice dinner together as a family, then we're going to put our child to sleep, then we're going to the master bedroom and Daddy's going to make you remember why that pussy belongs to me." "Yes, Daddy." "You want to play with me?" "Yes," I squeaked. "You promise?" "Tell me. Tell me you want to." "I want to play with you, Daddy." "You're going to have to prove it to me tonight, kitten."

[aces-to-apples]

DVD commentary meme! Whatever part of Family Before Honor you'd like to talk about, please!!

Alrighty, since there isn’t much of it posted and chapter two isn’t very long to start with, I’ll just do that then. Author’s commentary on chapter two of “Family Before Honor” beneath the cut:

Two Months

Domestic: 1) of or relating to the home, the household, household affairs, or the family. 2) no longer wild; tame.

I suppose the first thing to note is the pattern of the chapters and summaries—each chapter, and there’s only going to be three, is titled based on how long it’s been in the fic since Cut’s death and each summary is the theme on which the chapter is built. “Two Months” is more meant to bridge the gap between “Two Hours” and “Two Years” and is based around Rex making the transition from military life to civilian life. Settling into a rhythm with Suu and the kids that works for everyone.

Rebuilding the La’Cuane farm is an undertaking both larger and smaller than Rex had first estimated.

Ah, yes, “La’Cuane”. Because fuck Dave Filoni. Before I watched The Deserter, I was under the impression that Lawquane was most likely pronounced more like “lah-kayn” but, as is my custom, when I learned the “official” version I said “nah, fuck that” and came up with my own. So, “Lawquane” is a mistranslation as so many Basic Twi’lek names are. Because fuck you, Dave.

The first few days are an unending game of hurry-up-and-wait: for Republic forces to finish routing the Seps, for Jesse and the boys to come back to retrieve him when he didn’t answer their comms, for Suu to sniffle and stutter her way through the story they’d cooked up to explain his ‘death.’

I just don’t like “Seppies”, okay? I just don’t. “Covies” I’ll accept from Halo, because Marines, but “Seppies”, “tinnies”, and “shinies”? Mmm, how ‘bout the fuck not?

Then waiting for various scans of the remains to come up positive for Fett’s genetic material, for ‘his’ chip to come up too damaged to ping as more than simply present, for Kenobi—well, it turns out that Kenobi had a softer heart than Rex had ever thought. From what Rex spies, he looks damn near devastated for a few heartbeats after Suu tells him the news.

Departing from @norcumii’s version, “Dead Men Tell No Tales”, I decided that it’s too early in the war for Rex and Obi-Wan to have actually started a romantic relationship and kept it as more of a “what if” kind of thing for them to regret. More pining, that way ;)

Then the children march up to him and Jesse, carrying Rex’s armor in their undersized little arms, and Jek loudly proclaims that they want to keep Rex’s bucket. “He was like a, a superhero,” Jek says earnestly, and next to him Shaeeah nods vigorously. “He was so brave and he saved us from the monsters and we’ll take really good care of it.”

Listen, the La’Cuane kids are just insanely cute, okay? And according to Legends (I think?) they were aware enough that they had several million uncles out there in the universe that Shaeeah wrote a book about it, so they absolutely grew up with stars in their eyes about their extended family.

Suu makes a little scene of chastising them, calling it disrespectful, saying that his brothers should have his helmet, it was only right. Rex is dazed by the layers of manipulation they all go to just for him to keep his face; he’s even more dazed by how well it works.

Kenobi clearly melts at the display but looks to Jesse, Kix, and Hardcase for the final decision. Rex can read the silent conversation between them as clear as day. When Jesse crouches down to gaze intently into the visor of Rex’s helmet, he knows the children have won.

“I think that’s a good idea,” Jesse says decisively, and it’s settled. Quieter, he adds, “I think he’d like that…”

If Rex wasn’t so traumatized right now, he’d be absolutely indignant that Jess just blatantly lied like that. How dare you slander the good name of Captain Rex, good Lieutenant, by implying this small child whom he only knew for a few hours and “died” to protect should keep his face when Kenobi is standing over there trying not to cry. Come say that to his helmet, coward!

Rex doesn’t think about where Cut’s bucket had ended up.

I like throwing out lines that if you think about them for longer than it takes to read them then they might become incredibly depressing. What did happen to his helmet? What happened to his armor?

Jek clutches the helmet to his chest in victory and Shaeeah smiles sweetly and Suu has this fond, exasperated look on her face that Rex assumes comes standard with being eyn buir. The children magnanimously offer the rest of his armor to the men, stacked as neatly as they could manage. Rex stares as Kenobi helps pack it away with the supplies for safekeeping, subtly pocketing his left vambrace as he does.

I’m gonna be honest, at this point canon and fanon have merged so much for me that I don’t even know what’s true and what’s not. Just go with it.

Rex doesn’t think about maybes and what-ifs.

Then Kenobi turns back to Suu and his gaze goes past her to the ruined farmhouse and Rex gets the feeling that Kenobi’s about to do one of those terribly un-Jedi-like things he had never, ever admitted to sometimes doing. He pulls out a credit chip and Rex knows.

He has to turn away from the scene and take careful breaths. Kenobi wasn’t perfect—Cody has spent hours venting to Rex and Wolffe and whoever else managed to meet up at once about his hypocritical, sanctimonious Jedi—but just like Skywalker, just like Tano, just like Windu and Yoda and Secura and every other Jedi, he had his moments of breath-stealing goodness.

Listen, I love some Jedi characters to death, but I have—had, now that Tumblr filters out posts with words like “fuck” and “wank” in the tags when you search for them and pretends they don’t exist—a #fuck the jedi order tag for a reason. The narrative tends to frame both the Jedi Order and most Jedi characters as Righteous and Good, while also having them commit pretty heinous acts and tossing the audience horrific implications/pieces of information at the same time. I’ve said it somewhere before, but The Clone Wars wants to have its “deep, edgy, grimdark exploration of war” and eat its “fun, wacky space adventures” too and while we’ve all noticed the tonal whiplash that the show gives us, it plays hell with the narrative itself. Unspeakably bad shit happens in one arc, and nobody ever mentions it again. The Jedi control a slave army, and that’s Bad, but we’re told that they care about their troops and want to help them Later, which cancels out the Bad and keeps them Good Guys. In universe, it absolutely doesn’t work. We all know the Jedi pull some fuckshit every two weeks, so you bet your ass the clones know it too and routinely get sauced and rant about it to each other where no one can hear them. But they also can be extremely helpful and empathetic between three to five every other Thursday. Sorry, just mentioning #fuck the jedi order sends me off into a rant and I actually deleted a lot of other stuff from this part because Not Important.

Rex should’ve known his last act as a captain, and his first act as a free man, would be finally witnessing one of those moments.

And then Kenobi is gone, his brothers are gone, and the work begins.

- - -

It’s slow-going, and at times back-breaking, and it quickly becomes apparent that the nerve-damage Kix had warned about has set in good and proper. After the children have gone to bed, Rex and Suu go outside to have a rousing argument about what to do—the first of many on the horizon.

I know, I know, it’s common wisdom that disagreeing with your partner are normal but knockdown drag-out arguments Are Not and while I absolutely understand that, I come from a family with an absurdly large number of siblings that subscribe to the Taika Waititi School of Siblings and therefore it’s perfectly reasonable to shout yourself hoarse about some nonsense or other and get mad and stomp off and then two hours later throw a pillow at the other person’s head and say “hey dickhead come look at this funny post what’s for dinner later”. And as such that’s how every sibling relationship I ever write will function because I genuinely don’t understand siblings who don’t drag each other at every opportunity and then pop up around a corner like an awful gremlin to scare them at 2:30 in the morning just to fuck with them.

Suu demands they use part of Kenobi’s credits to pay for surgery to remove and replace the dead arm; Rex counters that he can function with only one arm, but none of them can function without a roof over their heads and walls to shield them from the elements. Suu says that they will contact a doctor she knows on the other side of the planet tomorrow and that’s final; Rex blinks, says understood, sir, and stands down.

The next morning, between frying eggs and waking the little ones, Suu apologizes for 'pulling rank’ on him. Rex can tell the words sit strangely in her civilian mouth. He accepts her apology and says nothing about how he hadn’t even noticed his own automatic reaction to her tone the night before, but. That was exactly how he’d reacted, wasn’t it?

When next they argue, about him ‘overdoing it’ and ‘exerting himself too much’, he’s ready for the gut-punching Commanding Officer Voice and shouts back when it’s his turn to talk. It works for them.

Listen, I don’t know about you, but when I hear certain tones of voice I automatically respond in certain ways. Like the vocal version of being full-named.

- - -

“White is death,” Rex explains once the final layer of base paint has settled on the plastoid. He runs his hand firmly down the prosthesis in its finalized form, from the ball of the synthetic shoulder to the tips of each finger. It’s as much to test that the molecules of paint bind properly as it is to get himself used to the difference. “White is the bones of those long gone. White is the snow that covers the fields in winter. It… stifles, and kills, but it’s also. Possibility, I suppose. White armor is shiny and new, but that just means it has yet to prove itself. You never know what you’re gonna get when you scratch beneath the surface.”

I had a lot more of @izzyovercoffee’s Mandalorian color theory stuff that I ended up cutting just because it didn’t really fit, but you should check them out because they’re suuuuuuper interesting. I love cultural worldbuiding shit like that.

Hanging on his every word, Jek and Shaeeah nod breathlessly. They watch as he picks up a foam brush and dips it into a small pot of 501st blue. He sets it to the very top of the arm and brings it down in a smooth, careful, practiced motion.

“Blue is reliability,” he continues. The unbroken line he draws down to the wrist is thinner than it was on his armor, but copying his armor isn’t the point; the point is to create something new out of its loss. “It’s faithfulness, and consistency. It’s the sky—the very air—and you can always in trust that.”

Listen, if you want subtlety, go read deadcat’s stuff. If you want to get bashed over the head with this shit, you’ve come to the right place.

Lastly, he picks up a fine detail brush and dips it into a second pot.

“This one is different,” he says eventually, gauging his little cadets’ avid expressions. “You use red to honor a parent and the word for ‘red’ in Mando’a is ge’tal—literally, ‘almost blood.’ It’s a complicated word, because to Mando’ade, your family isn’t always going to have the same blood as you. It might not be red at all—it might be green, or blue, or something else entirely. But with family, you’re always ready to spill others’ or your own in order to protect them; it’s about honor… and love.”

“Mom,” Shaeeah deduces, her voice quiet as a mouse as they all gaze at the sharp, cutting magenta that coats the brush.

Rex nods.

“Just so.” He twirls the brush around and offers it to them. “Now, what should we do with it?”

Listen, it’s very important to me that we cut that toxic masculinity shit out of Star Wars, stop linking pink to femininity, more important stop linking femininity to weakness, and ultimately I want to see more clones wearing pink. Pink flowers and curlicues mixed in with 501st blue on Rex’s sick robot arm? Sign me the fuck up.

—

Aaaaand that’s the Author’s Commentary on Chapter Two of Family Before Dishonor, hope you enjoyed!

[thecrains-hillhouse]

The Haunting of Hill House - Fanfiction Luke/OC

Faded

Anna Spencer was no stranger to the horror of Hill House and now it was calling her home.

[Chapter One] [Chapter Two - Current] [Chapter Three - Coming Soon]

Faded

Chapter Two

Sun filters through the trees like waves of sunlight breaking onto shore. The grass is a luscious green, the flowers in bloom and beautifully fragrant and the picket fence that surrounded the property sat proud like a pristine white halo. The picture perfect house in front of me had a porch that wrapped itself around the walls like a safety blanket, with a swinging chair hung towards the left hand side of the large wooden door. Blue shutters adorned the windows and the faint smell of apple pie drifted through the warm breeze.

This was my home… Or at least the one I had created for myself in the deepest most sacred parts of my mind when I was nothing but a child. Everything down to the garden path and the oak tree that shaded the yard was perfect and right now, so evidently real.

“Momma!” An angelic voice sounded bringing me out of my dreamy gaze. A mousey brunette girl bounded from the house, her curls bouncing as she skipped towards me. “Momma, come on!” She shouts and I instinctively reach out for her, pulling her close to my chest.  “Momma?”

“Yes, baby?” I ask, planting a kiss on her forehead as if it was the most natural thing in the world. This was my daughter, of this I was certain.

“Daddy said that dinners ready!” She tells me excitedly, pulling me towards the house, her little hand fitting perfectly in mine.

I follow her in wonder up the garden path, she leads me up the stairs, across the porch and through the large wooden door and I’ve never felt more at home.

“There’s my girls,” a familiar voice sounds from inside the kitchen and the small girl lets out a perfect laugh.

“Daddy!” She calls releasing my hand to launch herself in to his arms. “I got momma like you asked.” She tells him, and I take a step forward to peer round the corner.

“Hey baby,” He says to me and my heart almost stops

Like Crain stands before me, holding our daughter in my childhood dream house. Pictures begin to adorn the walls and I watch our perfect life play out like a fairytale. Tears sting my eyes and I breathe a sigh of relief. This was exactly where I was supposed to be.

“You okay?” Luke asks, his rough hand gently caresses my face, his expression full of concern. I nod and offer him a tearful smile.

“I’m perfect.” I tell him as I lean into his touch. “For a second there I thought I had stepped into a dream.” We laugh together and it’s magic. We spend the afternoon eating apple pie, playing hide and seek and laughing together. We’re a family and it feels so good.

As it gets late, and the sun begins to set, we curl up on the couch. Luke holds our girl close and my legs are slug lazily over his, with his hand resting naturally on my knee. I pitch myself to make sure this is real and as I feel the sharp pain against my skin, I find Our daughter fusses in Luke’s arms but as I reach out to touch her, she turns to me with dark eyes.

“It’s time to wake up momma. It’s time to go home.” Lightening sounds from outside and I stand quickly from the sofa. I watch as everything that was once picture perfect turns into the perfect nightmare. Mould creeps up to walls like vines. Rain and hail slammed against the windows and a silhouette of a red head clouded the door.

I can’t move, I can’t speak, I can’t do anything other than stand and wait for whatever fate has is store for me.

“Anna?” Luke calls to me and suddenly he’s ten feet away, and she’s there in place of our baby. The lady with the fire hair. And she’s holding something... A needle.

No.

I scream out for him, but no sounds pass my lips. The redhead slams the needle into Luke’s chest and the ground swallows him hole.

I can feel the tears streaming down my face, I want to run to him, to follow him to whatever abyss he’s fallen into but I’m frozen in place.

“Sleep never helped you before, honey.” Red says, her charismatic smile firmly in its place. “You can’t escape,” She tells me. “Now I won’t tell you again.” She lights a cigarette and strolls over, taking long, slow drags as she does. Red stops a few feet away and flicks her cigarette in my direction. I watch helplessly as it hands but inches away from my feet.

“It’s time to come home.” She demands before I’m engulfed in flames.

I wake up with a start gasping for air, the smell of cigarettes still lingers in the bedroom, to a faint banging on the front door downstairs.

04:02

What the fuck?

“Anna!” A voice calls me as I stumble clumsily down the stairs. I fumble around with the lock and the door swings open.

“Steve?” Steve Crain stands before me, his eyes bloodshot.

“Anna, I’ve been trying to call you for two fucking hours.” He half shouts at me, hitting the brick wall with his palm.

Something’s wrong.

“What’s happened?” I ask, and I can already feel the hairs on my body stand on end.

“Have you heard from Luke?” My heart drops.

“You know I haven’t seen him since dinner, Steve.” I answer defensively. Luke and I hadn’t been on speaking terms for a while now and Steve knew this. It was a sensitive subject and I was half offended he even had the cheek to ask. I move to the side and let Steve move into my home. He makes a sarcastic comment about ‘still leaving the light on for him’ and I ignore it effortlessly as I had done for the past 25 damn years.

I cross my arms over my chest, and ask “Now tell me why the hell you’re standing on my doorstep at four in the morning.”

“Are you eating?” Steve asks innocently.

“Yes.” I snap and he doesn’t push me any further.

“It’s Nell.” Steve continues slowly and as hard as I try not to see the tears gather in Steve’s tired eyes, they are more than evident. My stomach churns as I await the news that tastes so bitter on his tongue. “She... She went back to that damn house.” Fuck, Nellie. You promised. “She’s dead Anna. She killed herself.”

Time itself stops and everything good in this world falls apart molecule by molecule. Steve and I stare at each other with broken glances, and behind him a flash of red. I can feel hot tears fall down my cheeks, and Steve presses the sleeves of his jacket firmly into his eyes. Steve Crain; logical strength.

“No,” I shake my head. Pure denial crossing my entire being. It didn’t make sense. Especially after Olivia. Nell wouldn’t hurt the ones she loves like that, not after the damage it had done to them all when we were kids. “There’s no way. She wouldn’t do that to us, Steve.” I tell him and Steve scoffs at me, like maybe he believed that just a few short hours ago.

“Yeah well she did. She’s gone.”  He tells me, and I feel heavy with grief. We do not say anything for a while, we stand in silence taking solace in each other’s presence.

“What do you need me to do, Steve?” I ask quietly.

“I need you to help me find Luke, he voluntarily left his rehab last night and no-ones seen him since.” Fuck. “Following that junkie girl like a lost puppy... He’s 90 days clean, did you know that?”

“I did, actually.” I nod and Steve rolls his eyes at me. Of course I damn well knew, I called that centre so many fucking times, the actually picked up by saying hello Anna. I give Steve one of my infamous looks and he holds his hands out in surrender. We both sigh in defeat. “Does Luke know about Nellie?”

“Not yet, that’s why I need you.”

“Give me five minutes.”

---------

The night is dark and the air feels as heavy as my heart. I watch the outside world pass by and it’s hard to contemplate that Eleanor Crain, my best friend and soul sister no longer walks this world with us. She doesn’t breathe this air, she doesn’t see the blackness of night or the light of day. She doesn’t do anything, she doesn’t feel anything... She’s just gone.

Luke’s sober coach talks aimlessly at Steve and I can see it goes in one ear and out the other. I look at each and every individual that we pass, taking the time to register if they are strangers or Luke, the first boy and only boy. Their faces blur together and I wonder if we’ll ever find him in this ocean of beings.

I can feel the emptiness of my stomach churning once more, the gold necklace hung around my neck feels unusually heavy. My hand instinctively reaches for it, and I breathe a sigh of relief as I find it exactly where it should be. The necklace sits just above my heart and from there hangs a  diamond ring. An old promise made in another life.  A different life.

Bile rises in my throat and I have to close my eyes for a moment and remind myself to take a breath. I count to myself and I can feel my heart slow, my fingers in a death grip around the white gold promise.

I can hear Steve swear to himself, cursing every addict in this dead-end city and as I open my eyes to cuss him right back, there he stands... Like an angel in the darkness.

“There he is, I see him.” My voice is quiet and the tension in the car hits its highest. Steve pulls the car over and I hesitantly step out. I watch as Luke Crain takes seven steps. He waits for a moment and then counts seven more.

“Luke,” I call to him.

“Anna.”

There has to be seven. That’s what keeps you safe.

-------

Thank you for reading, please do let me know what you guys think and whether I should continue. Apologies for any errors, I have a bad case of tonsillitis so I’m 100% blaming that! Until the next chapter :D

TAGS: @iamthemaskhewears @currentlythinkingofacoolusername @inhumanhacker @southernmistake @coolyoungbouquetdestinylove

[somuchanemoia]

The Literal Big Dick Energy

Okay, before we start, let me explain myself. I’m taking Biology right now and I hate it, so we are studying aerobic respiration in cells. I had lecture last night and it fried my brain so on the way home, I was just giddily thinking about well...this and your welcome. 

I’m not gonna lie this may be just crack at this point, but I love it and I hope you all do too. Enjoy some Felix the Science Guy fluff as you come to understand literal big dick energy. 

For @delta-roseblr who miraculously likes my fics of her boys. Thank you for creating my two favorite bois. 

“So, cells have dicks too...good to know.” Felix almost spat out the water in his mouth at Dean’s comment. He sputtered and managed to swallow down the liquid in his mouth before it was snorted out of his nose. He had no clue what his boyfriend was talking about but whatever it was, it sounded at least mildly entertaining.

“I’m sorry, but what the hell?” Felix snorted and gazed at the senior who was sitting on the floor across from him with a smile. Dean was looking at the large biology textbook with mild curiosity. It was the most interest Dean had actually shown in the thin pages of Brooker’s Biology 4th Edition all year, not that Felix really cared, even if he looked almost alluring while doing it.

Dean quirked an eyebrow and turned the thick book to face Felix, pointing at the picture of the page that they were on, “Man, You can’t tell me that ain’t a dick.” Dean chuckled, “See, it’s literally a dick.”

Felix felt himself smile and tried not to laugh too hard, “I know what a dick looks like, Dean.”

“Then you can’t deny that that, Felix, is a cell dick.”

Felix couldn’t help the laughter that came from between his lips, “Oh god, you’re hopeless. We’re studying metabolism.”

“Hey, fucking burns calories.” Dean grinned at him leaned closer to him over the coffee table that sat between them.

“True, but cells don’t fuck.”

“Obviously they do somewhat because we went at it this morning.”

“We’re made of cells, Stupid,” Felix reached out and flicked Dean’s nose lightly, “Cells themselves don’t fuck, remember? They go through mitosis.”

“Right, right,” Dean rolled his eyes playfully, “Why are we learning about cell dicks again?”

“Metabolism,” Felix pointed at the big bolded green letters stamped across the page, “More specifically, cellular respiration.”

“Sounds boring,” Dean’s blonde hair shifted over into his eyes for a brief moment as he leaned his head into his hand that was propped up on the table. He gave a small puff to move blonde curl out of his blue eyes and smiled lazily at Felix. Damn, Dean was hot.

“Boring, but important.”

“They always say that though,” Dean hummed, “Every teacher always says everything they are teaching you is important, what makes this any different?”

“Well, for starters, it allows you to survive. And play soccer. And read books. And write articles,” Felix grinned back at his boyfriend, “And it allows both of us to fuck, so I’d say it’s pretty substantial on the importance scale.”

Dean hummed once more and sat up, “Gods forbid we weren’t able to fuck, Felix.” He looked back down at the textbook again and his eyebrows scrunched together, “This still doesn't make any sense though.”

Felix shook his head a little and rolled his eyes, “Staring at a page isn’t gonna help you. That’s why you failed the first time around and why I’m here.” He chuckled and leaned over to point at the first picture in the series of the pictures on the page of text in front of Dean, “We start here with aerobic respiration. It’s the most common way that humans generate energy or…”

Dean blinked at him for a second before saying, “ATP?”

“That’s right! For humans to generate ATP from the food they consume.” Felix hummed, “This is how all of that happens.”

Dean nodded slowly and began twirling the pen he had been holding around his fingers, “Okay...what's with all the arrows?”

“We’ll get to that in a second,” Felix moved his finger over to the set chemical equation above the first picture, “You’ve taken chem before right?” He sure to God hoped Dean had. It’d make things ten times easier if he did.

“Yeah,” Dean smiled, “I recognize the equation. C2H12O6 + 6O2 → 6CO2 + 6H2O. That’s...a lot of Oxygen.”

Felix felt a small weight lift off his shoulders. Thank god he would not have to explain how chemistry worked on top of it to Dean. Dean was incredibly smart, but science seemed to fly right over his head half the time, “That’s what makes ATP.”

“Doesn’t seem to hard…” Dean cocked his head to the side, “But, it's harder than it looks, right?”

Felix shrugged, “Not hard, just complex...” He reached across Dean’s crappy coffee table and grabbed the notebook that was sitting in front of Dean and flipped to a blank page before tossing it sideways between them. He grabbed the black pen that Dean had been twirling in his fingers and wrote in big letters in the margin ‘AEROBIC RESPIRATION FOR SUCKAS’, “I hate the book's pictures anyways. Makes things more complicated.”

“Aerobic respiration for suckas?” Dean snorted, “Should I be offended?”

“You can if you want to, but let's be real, you are a sucka.” Felix quickly wrote out “Stage 1” in the left corner of the page, “You remember what the first stage is?”

Dean was quiet for a second before answering, “Glycogen? Glyco...something?”

“Close. It’s called Glycolysis,” Felix quickly scribbled that down before looking back up at Dean, “It’s called that because we start with glucose and then turn it into another thing.”

“Seems easy peasy to remember, that way.”

“Yep, glycolysis has 10 steps--”

“Fuck!”

“--but we just have to know the basic parts of it.” Felix smiled softly, “It takes place in the cytoplasm.”

“The green stuff!” Dean chimed in.

“The green stuff. We start with glucose,” Felix wrote on the page as he talked, “Which has 6 carbons.”

“And we have to make sure we have all our carbons by the end of it.” Dean took the pen from Felix’s hand and drew an arrow along the page and wrote a small ‘6C’ at the end of it.

“Right. So we do all these ten steps, and at the end, our glucose turns into…”

“Pyruvate, right?”

“Yep, but instead of just one pyruvate, it turns into two.”

Dean wrote it down and snorted, “Pyruvate...it's such a funny word. If you say it slow, it sounds even funnier. Pyyyruuuuvaaate. It's so funny but so eloquent. It's kind of intoxicating the more you say it you know.”

“Only you would say that.” Felix groaned halfheartedly.

“You’re dating a guy who wants to be a journalist...do you expect anything less?”

“We went from ‘cells have dicks’ to ‘eloquent and intoxicating’ within seconds.” Felix pointed out with a smirk.

“Writers...we go from 0 to 100 really fast,” Dean shrugged, “Just a fact. One minute we’re talking about breathtaking scenery, next thing you know we’re making dick jokes. Keeps the fun alive.”

Felix shook his head and rolled his eyes, but continued to smile, “It's a good thing you’re hot, you know that, right?”

“Has its perks,” Dean gave him the shit-eating grin that Felix couldn’t help but be a little turned on by. It was just that morning Dean had been wearing that expression as he hovered over Felix, his golden hair being rumpled from sleeping and his freckled skin shining like flecks of gold in the morning sunlight that poured in from Dean’s bedroom window. Even now, in the soft glow of the overhead light that Dean had flipped on when they had come into the living room after practice, Dean looked so perfect with his floppy blonde hair and big blue eyes and dashing smile. If Felix didn’t find Dean so damn beautiful, he’d almost be jealous of him.

“‘Another important thing to remember, “Felix said, stealing Dean’s pen back, “We have to talk about oxidation. It’s important later on.”

“Let me guess, it has to do with Oxygen?”

“Sorta, but not really,” Felix flipped a few pages back in the textbook and pointed at another weird looking diagram, “The important part to remember is that oxidation happens when one compound loses electrons and those electrons are picked up by another compound.”

“That sounds...intense…” Dean frowned a little as he looked at the picture.

“It’s the chemical equivalent of Zayn leaving One Direction, only to come back a few months later and do a track with Taylor Swift.”

Dean stared at him for a moment, “I don’t know what’s weirder, the fact that you used that example or the fact that you know a member of One Direction besides Harry Styles, who’s like the Justin Timberlake of the group.”

“You can thank my sister for that,” Felix looked up at Dean with a look that was almost pitying, “She’s obsessed with them...or at least she was.”

Dean smiled at him again, “Well, God bless.”

“Yeah, so you get the idea. Oxidation means one compound loses those electrons and reduction happens when those electrons are picked up. In this case, they’re being picked up by a compound called NAD+.”

“Which becomes NADH, when it's reduced.” Dean looked over at him unsurely.

“Yep.”

Dean let out a soft breath and nodded, “It’s starting to come back to me.”

“In glycolysis, that happens to two NAD+ molecules and those leave the equation and go off to the cell dick.”

Dean grinned, “You can’t stop thinking about that now, can you? Who has their head in the gutter now?”

“Shut the fuck up, dude,” Felix flipped back to the page with the Glycolysis demonstration on it, “ The other two things you need to know about this is that it produced two sets of ATP and leaves us with two Pyruvate molecules.”

“All ten steps for two ATP?” Dean blinked at him, “That’s bullshit. I’m calling it out for our cells but what a rip-off.”

“Just wait till we get to the Krebs cycle.” Felix chuckled and then slid his finger down to the next picture, “We have to go through the Pyruvate breakdown cycle first.”

Dean glanced down at the picture before looking back up at Felix, “It looks too simple.”

“That’s because it is. One step, one enzyme, pretty straightforward. We generate two more NADHs and turn Pyruvate into Acetyl CoA but that's about it.”

“That’s underwhelming,” Dean hummed, “Like the Krist Novoselic of the cycle. The Jensen Ackles before Supernatural. The Peggy Schyluar of anything.”

Felix cocked an eyebrow at his boyfriend, “Hamilton? Really?”

“What?” Dean looked down, his freckled cheeks turning a little red, “It’s catchy.”

Felix rolled his eyes and nudged Dean’s foot with his own under the coffee table, “Yeah, its the Peggy of the cycle.”

“While it's sweet and important, like Peggy,” Dean hummed, “It definitely doesn’t have big dick energy either.”

Felix reached over and flicked Dean’s nose, “Dude, no. Just no. Don’t be one of those guys.”

“I’m not wrong though.”

“No, but...just no. After Pyruvate gets turned into Acetyl CoA,” Felix made a quick note on the paper of where they were, “We go into the Krebs cycle which is just as ridiculous if not more than Glycolysis.”

“Oh goody,” Dean pulled a face, “Just what we need.”

“Long story short, you have the Acetyl CoA get down and dirty with another compound, they have two NADH kids, two FADH2 kids and then pop out another set of ATP before the Acetyl CoA divorces the compound and has a midlife crisis where it becomes carbon dioxide.”

“Must’ve been one hell of a night.”

“Saying since the carbon dioxide is then breathed out through our lungs, I’d say so.”

“Still, all three cycles for just four ATP. What the fuck is wrong with us?” Dean groaned and flopped his head down to lay on top of Felix’s hand that was pointing at the complicated pictures their textbook was offering. He was happy that Felix was able to put up with him when it came to biology. He was a lot easier to follow than Will, who almost always got so excited he forgot that Dean had no clue what any of the things he rambled about meant. Felix always made studying more fun and didn’t seem to mind explaining things to him in ways that he could understand. Plus, it meant that he got to watch Felix teach, which he always looked incredibly sexy doing. The way his lips would curl into a gentle smile as he talked, the way his eyebrows would scrunch together in concentration and the teasing tone in his voice as he talked always made Dean pay attention better than he ever could to the witch that taught Biology to them at school.

“That’s where our cell dick comes into play.” Felix’s fingers played with Dean’s hair softly as his voice came out with amusement.

Dean peeked up at him through his bangs and couldn’t help but smile at him as he turned to place a kiss on Felix’s knuckles, “Now we’re getting to the interesting part. Cell fuckery.” He sat up and looked down at the picture of the last picture on the page where a giant ATP Synthase was pictured in all its cell dick glory.

Felix snorted, “I can’t believe you just said, cell fuckery.”

“Dude, we’ve been over this…” Dean grinned as he pointed at the picture and cocked an eyebrow, “It’s a cell dick. Look at it!”

“And now I’m gonna teach you how it works,”

Dean chuckled, “I’m pretty sure I know how a dick works, Felix.” Dean scoffed before blushing again, “I already got the speech with the cucumber demonstration, thanks.”

Felix let out a laugh, “Oh god. Dude, I don’t need the image of your Aunt doing anything phallic like with cucumbers.”

Dean went a deeper red, “Gross. I don’t need that image either.”

“Remember all those NADH and FADH2 we had to wander off?”

“Yeah?”

“Well, they’ve all come to worship the cell dick by giving it their electrons.”

Dean snorted, “Sounds like a party...like every single drunk groupie at any rock concert ever, but I mean, whatever floats their boat right?”

“The electrons go through a series of proteins called the Electron Transport chain and every other protein they go through lets out a set number of Hydrogen ions when they pass through. Once the electrons reach the end, they get picked up by Oxygen and Hydrogen and they all get married and make water.”

“At least they are happy... ”

Felix smiled, “And then, all those Hydrogen ions come back in through the ATP Synthase, aka the cell dick.”

Dean’s eyes went big, “Uhm...that doesn’t...I don’t care if they’re cells, they shouldn’t be putting anything through their dick period.”

Felix snorted and reached for his bottle of water, taking a swig, “Dude, think of it like incredibly quick foreplay. These cells are like virgins being turned on for the first time, the Hydrogen ions make it go quickly and then--”

“They spew…” Dean finished as he grabbed his own water and took a sip.

“The cell dick begins to spin,”

“Wait!,” Dean nearly spewed water across their books as he laughed, “Their equipment spins?!”

“Yeah. It spins and then cums ATP.” Felix chuckled, “Lots of ATP. Like 28 ATPs at once.”

“Damn,” Dean shook his head with a smile on his face, “That’s literal big dick energy.”

Incase yall needed a little big cell dick energy, here ya go. 

As always, thank you to Delta for creating her boys and shout out to my bio prof who sorta inspirted this. If you hadn;t unknowingly drawn a giant dick on the board last night I wouldn’t be hysterically giddy at this point. 

If your a Delix hoe like I am, you can check out my other Delix ficlets under my Delix tag.