#hi hello gamers and gays how have you been

[cactuupng]

I'm watching twitter light a fire in their kitchen and they're trying to take the flame out with oil and wood

[wifelinkmtg]

There's "spaghetti western" and then there's whatever the hell this Chef Boyardee shit is

Hello! and welcome back to Wifelink. We're talking about Outlaws of Thunder Junction today, Magic's second product in a row set in a version of Nevada, and let me tell you something: I am not impressed. The mechanics are uninspired, the setting is undercooked, the story is overstuffed, and to top it all off the whole thing smacks of settler-colonialism. AND they yassified Vraska, the monsters!

WE WILL GET TO THE HOT WOMEN, BELIEVE YOU ME, BUT FIRST I AM GOING TO COMPLAIN SOMEWHAT, AS IS MY RIGHT AS AN AMERICAN, AS A HUMAN BEING, AND AS A GAMER

The mechanics we've discussed elsewhere, and I will skim over the main storyline except to say that very few of this Big Villain Heist Team-Up gets enough spotlight to justify their inclusion here beyond getting recognizable names on cards, and that Rakdos' presence on the plane alone ought to be an apocalyptic calamity. I appreciate Jace & Vraska going full blackpilled accelerationist, stealing a baby, and aiming to destroy the multiverse & start over (a novel hybrid of Raising Arizona and Doctor Strangelove,) but I also know, sure as the sun rises, that whatever happens with their villain arc will be a underwhelming let-down.

What I actually want to complain about, though, is the setting. Thunder Junction ain't real, and I don't mean it's fictional, I mean it's plywood facades on a backlot. It's the set for a cowboy film. You feel me? This ain't a plane, it's a god damned sound stage.

Lemme go over the facts: we know Thunder Junction has been settled for a bit over a year. A year! - and yet there's multiple towns, multiple railways, and an honest-to-god metropolis. Less than two years and we already have ghost towns! This is not the product of a bunch of people on various planes all individually deciding to seek a new life in the off-world colonies. All of this represents a staggering quantity of people, material, wealth, and labor, being moved between planes, directed and organized - but by whom? For what reason? How, even? The story is totally uninterested in these questions.

One of the few silver linings to the way the Phyrexian invasion storyline ended was that the Omenpaths had a lot of interesting potential! Different planes would come into direct contact with each other for the first time ever! Different technologies, different philosophies and religions, different kinds of magic colliding, coming into conflict, adapting and adjusting to each other. And after a couple of sets where the interplanar contact was limited to one or two particularly adventurous individuals, we finally get to see what interplanar contact at scale looks like here in Thunder Junction... and it just looks like a John Wayne flick. Did people not bring their culture with them? Is there a big rack of hats and boots and dusters right where people step off the Omenpath? Shuck off those old Ravnican rags, kid, get changed. You'll spoil the aesthetic. I mean, it's baffling.

Luxurious Locomotive (art by Leon Tukker). This is one of the few man-made parts of this plane that I can look at and know where it came from: this is a Kaladeshi design. More of this sort of thing would have made Thunder Junction feel more like a real place and less like a Sergio Leone joint.

There's a side story, No Tells, by Isaac Fellman, which I quite like actually: it's about guilt and betrayal and the inevitable regrets of having moved into a queer housing co-op, and one of the things that makes it great is that we know where Yuma came from (New Capenna), we know why he left (the limitations of "be gay do crimes" as praxis under capitalism), and we know what he brought to Thunder Junction with him (cocktails, pool tables, and his co-op's emergency funds). Fellman has written nothing else for Wizards and doesn't play Magic, and even so he's done more to make Thunder Junction feel like a real place situated in a real history than the rest of the story team combined - which goes to show, one, that we should only let trans people write magic story for the next decade or so, and two, that what I'm asking for in terms of worldbuilding is not unattainable, or even that difficult.

And all of this ties into the colonialism, right? Thunder Junction is being colonized, and asking questions about who benefits, who's sponsoring this breakneck settlement of the plane, what they're after and so forth would require the story to take a good hard look at the process of colonization itself, and Wizards is flatly unwilling to engage with anything that thorny in their products. So, just as Ixalan involved a limp-wristed slant reenactment of the Spanish conquest of the Americas - but it's fine because they're the bad guys and they're technically not even trying to colonize Ixalan and they don't win anyway so no one gets hurt! - Thunder Junction is attempting to present a Disneyland version of Western colonialism. Untamed wilderness! Bringing civilization to uninhabited deserts! How cool and heroic these hard frontiersmen and -women are! I'm told they brought in Navajo cultural consultants for the Atiin, a fantasy equivalent, and I hope those folks were well compensated! The Atiin seem cool, and the one Atiin character we spend any time with is well-written, but the Atiin are not indigenous to Thunder Junction. They're not being colonized. And if there weren't anybody being colonized, I'd probably still dislike the colonial vision of a wild land inhabited only by animals, just waiting for us to shape it to our will with railways and violence, but there is in fact a native race of sapients on Thunder Junction, and these cactus folk get no voice in the story, so if they have some kind of opinion on the rapid colonization of their home and the clear-cutting of their cactus forests, we don't get to hear about it.

Prickly Pair (art by Brian Valeza) Too much of the extremely-limited presence Thunder Junction's only indigenous sapients have on the cards is devoted to cactus-based puns like this one, which is pretty distasteful given, you know, the colonialism.

I'm talking about colonialism not because I think that replicating colonial myths in fantasy fiction is an unethical thing to do - although it is - but because you can see, right, that Thunder Junction's lack of verisimilitude is intertwined with the colonial vision of the world at play here, yeah? The story wants to have cool cowboy shootouts and train robberies and it does not want its cowboy fantasy to be complicated by uncomfortable realities, so it has to avoid all of the basic worldbuilding questions that would tell us who the colonization benefits and how they're profiting off the plane, and in the end we're left with nothing but an empty aesthetic, like a duster hanging off a scarecrow, blowing in the wind.

ANYWAY SO WOMEN

To be honest, under the circumstances I'm not really feeling like giving the fine women of Thunder Junction my usual more elaborate treatment, so we're going to lightning-round this shit, which is at least thematic.

Blood Hustler (art by Anna Pavleeva)

Vampire MILF.

Rattleback Apothecary (art by Loïc Canavaggia)

Snake MILF.

Wrangler of the Damned (art by Michal Ivan)

Cis lesbian haircut, good with a rope.

Obeka, Splitter of Seconds (art by Ryan Pancoast)

BIG

[evilneo]

HOUSE OF GOLD (Frenrey Style)

Benrey Benery moves in with his best friend and secret crush Gordon freeman after his gf died in afganistan going to war and then one night gordon gets drunk and then....find out!!!

-part 1,-

Benrey looked at the arpartment where his best friend and crush of 3 years waited. He saw him in the window and he waved at him and his heart started beating to fast. he opened the door

"Hey silly get in!" He said and hen gulped and pulled his luggage into the house. Gordon hugged him

"I've been so lonely since my wife went missing in afganistan."

"That's so brace of her. She loved you.'

Gordon stared at him for a minute.

"Yeah... Let's get you settled in!" And then he helped him to his room.

"It's a one bedroom place so you'll have to share a room with me." He smiled at him.

"It'll be like a sleepover!"

"Totally!" Then there was a knock at the door and Benrey followed drew to the door where they found a girl with long brown hair and big purple eyes waving.

"Hi?" Said gordon.

"Hi" she said flipping her hair back revealing her badass studded belt around her black jeans and black top that had sleeves to her middle arm and skull earrings and black makeup.

"I'm your neighbor Jackie!" She said happily. They both shook her hands.

"If you need anything come on over!" She said and then left.

"She was nice." Said Benrey.

"And pretty cute." Said gordon

And Benrey felt a pain in his heart. Was gordon totally straight? He always wondered if he was bi because of how he flirted with him sometimes on skype. He didn't know if he would tell him he is gay and is in love with him. Then gordon gave him a sweet smile and he felt warm again.

-Heavy-

Gordon made a drink for him and Benrey and sat at the couch and drank beer. They turned on a movie and watched some funny tv shows and drank all nights untill it was 7 am the next morning.

Gordon pointed at the rising sun

"Hey Ben look" he laughed drunk. Ben stumbled over but tripped and fell right into gordons arms!! Suddenly they were starting in each other's eyes. There faces started itching closer and closer when suddenly there was a knock at the door. Gordon blushed and let go of the embrace and went to the door.

"Hello?" He asked as he opened the door. Then there were two guys in black ski masks and they grabbed gordon and threw him down the apartment stairs and ran off. They kidnapped him!!!!

Benrey tried to run after their white van but couldn't run as fast as a car. He called the cops and cried in the apartment. Then suddenly he got a message on youtube that said

"If you want to see him alive again make a video about 10 reasons why the Irate Gamer ripped off Angry Video Game Nerd and ur wrong" he gasped....

-on the 3rd cold night-

There was a knock at the door. Benrey went over to it and gasped.

Forzen!!!

Meanwhile somewhere in coastal rica. Gordon had a bag on his head and he was punched hard.

"Let me go!!! I never got to tell Benrey I love him!!!"

"Well in that case...."

Then he was shoved into a van and they started driving....

Benrey made tea for Forzen and him and forzen looked at him sweetly.

"I'm so sorry. The remaining 10 us military will help you find him."

"I almost kissed him before he.........."

"It's ok" he touched his hand. They looked sweet at each other.

"I'm always here for you......"

Forzen leaned in and kissed Benrey lightly on the lips and in a moment of desire and desperate he pulled Forzen close and kissed him harder. They started making out and Forzen got on Benrey and started rubbing on him. They made out and wiggled around the couch untill Benrey broke away.

"I can't........gordon........."

"Oh.........but he was a loser?"

"Go Forzen go away"

And he grunted and left mad. Benrey went to his room to cry.

-coming home-

The door slowly opened and gordon limped into the apartment and fell on the floor.

"Benrey!" He said horsely.

Benrey stopped crying and ran out and gasped.

"Gordon!!!" And he ran to pick him up and help him stand. Gordon grabbed him and hugged him tight and sudden.....his lips started touching his and they kissed. There tongues meshed and their lips intwined and they made out right there. When they stopped they smiled at each other.

"Be my boyfriend?" Said Benrey.

"Yes." And they smiled and kissed again.

"But I have to tell you gordon....before you came back forzen was here and...and...and we made out."

"Frozan?!" He roared.

"I'm sorry....." Gordon started crying and ran down the stairs. Then Jackie looked gordons way that he was running and than came in. Benrey was crying and told her what was going on.

"You should do something romantic to show your story and that he is your one and only!"

"Your right!" He wiped the tears off and jackie grabbed a camera and started recording.

Benrey looked soully to the camera with love in his eyes.

"Hi skeletons today I finally told gordon I love him like I said I would. But before that someone else came over and I kissed them. I love you gordon and it will never happen again. You are my light and joy and I would be proud to be....be your husband." He said softly. Then jackie whipped a tear from her face and sniffled and turned off the camera.

"That was amazing I'm sure he will say yes. It's true love!" She said.

-the story so far-

Warning: suicide and sex scene

Meanwhile in chigaco gordon was at a sushi restaurant when someone sat beside him.

"gordon freeman?" He said. He looked up.

"Forzen?!" He almost flinched.

"Yeah I heard you and Benrey had a rough thing happen.

Then he posted this..." And he pulled out his phone and went to a video and opened it to let him watch. Benrey was looking at the camera intense and started talking.

"Today I finally told gordon it will never happen again. Never kiss him again. I am with someone else." And then there was a sniffled sound and someone was behind the camera?!

Benrey started to cry silently but tried to look together.

"Let me buy you a drink." And Forzen ordered sake (an asian drink).

They started drinking and talking and laughing and having a good time.

"Maybe I was wrong about you Forzen." Said Gordon. Forzen put his arm around him confrotingly.

"Of course baby!"

They both drunkenly left the bar and stumbled to the hotel room forzen was staying in. Forzen started kissing him and pushing him to the bed and they made out there. Then they started doing it. But gordon didn't know about the camera!!! It was being live streamed!!!

"I love you Forzen!!!!" Cried gordon on the stream. Benrey and Jackie watched shocked and dumb founded as they watched. Jackie looked at Benrey then black at the video.

"H-how could he?!" Benrey stromed around the house. Jackie tried to call him down. But benrey opened the window....AND JUMPED Jackie screamed and called 011.

-believer-

Gordon woke up with a hangover and threw up. Then he heard his phone ring and he picked it up. It was jackie yelling I to the phone and calling him shit for what he did to Benrey.

"What?" Said gordon. "he said he found someone else?"

"What?! No he didn't. I'm sending you the cideo he made for you." Then she hung up and he got the notification for it. He opened it and his lover spoke words of love right from the heart. He spun around and glared at Forzen. "You liar!!!" He screamed. Then he threw his phone at Forzen and ran out.

Meanwhile in the suicide hospital.... Benrey was sitting in a chair watching a TV show when a nurse said "you have a guest". He expected Jackie again with some McDonald's or something but instead....gordon. He flinched.

"What do you want traitor" he hissed at him. "Forzen lied to me. He made me think you moved on and I slept with him..."

"Are we even? Can we be together?"

"If you can forgive me."

"I do. Forgive me?"

"Yes."

Then they embraced and kissed. Benrey pulled away and knelt down and pulled a box out.

"I was going to do this somewhere better but...will you marry me?"

Gordon cried happy tears and nodded and they made out again.

"Let's get you outta here!" Said gordon and they left holding hands.

-chain reaction-

Benrey got out of bed where his fiance was sleeping and he went I to the bathroom. Then he spotted something in the sink that he guessed drew forgot. He picked it out of the sink and looked. It had two lines and was...a pregnancy test.

He busted out of the bathroom

"G-gordon?" He said and gordon sleepily got up and then gawked at what was in his hand

"Il-i..."

"What is this?! Are you....."

He looked down ashamed.

"I am going to the doctor tomorrow to check...please...go with me...they can do a test..."

He gulped.

"Ok. In the morning."

They waited in the office of the Dr office untill they called Gordons name. They went in and the Dr came into the checkup room they were in.

"Are you his husband?" Asked the doctor. Benrey nodded.

"Well we have to test his pee so if you'd step outside..." And he did and went back in after the doctor came out with a cup of pee to test it. He sat next to gordon and helped his hand.

The doctor came back in an stared at his chart.

"Well Mr freeman...you are pregnant. And Mr Benrey isn't the father..."

They both dropped there jaws......

To be continue

-White Wedding part 1-

It was a hot July day and the concert hall was decked in white everywhere. Gordon and Benrey invited there fans for free to see there wedding but so many wanted to come that they had to get a concert hall. There was a preacher and a pretty white arch and music playing and food outside. In the room with drew he was putting on his white suit and brushing his hair. He got a knock at the door and someone popped in.

It was Cummer and darnold Peppre!

"H3!!" He said and they went over to hug him.

"I'm so excited for you!" Said Darnald.

"Thanks. Coomer...will you walk me down the isle? My dad doesn't accept I'm gay and won't do it." He started to cry a little. Coomer hugged him

"Of course buddy" and he out out his arm and he looked it and they walked slowly out. They stood at the start of the red carpet that went to the arch and gordon laughed nervous and coomer Pat his arm and they started walking as the wedding song started playing. The fans went crazy and clapped and they stopped at the preacher and stood by him and waited.

They looked at the entrance and waited for Benrey...first. jackie came out to be bridesmaid and Tommy coolatta did to. They looked so pretty. Then.....Bubby came out with Benrey on his arm. They both smiled and Benrey blushed wearing his baby blue tux. Gordon started crying because he loved him so much.

The music kept playing and Tommy coolatta dogs sunkist were in front of them with little rose petals baskets in there mouths and petals flew everywhere as they ran up the isle.

Benrey stood across him and they looked at each other with Misty eyes.

The prest smiled at them both and started talking.

"Gordon Freeman do you take Benrey Benery to be your husband to hold and love forever as long as you both live?" Gordon nodded

"Yes I do"

"And Benrey Benery do you take gordon freeman to be your husband to love and cherish for as long as you live?"

"I do!" Said Benrey.

The fans all looked so happy and crying and Jackie and tommy and Coomer and darnold and bubby all cried happily too.

"If anyone thinks these two should not be married speak now!"

And the room got quiet and nobody breathed. Then someone stood up from the crowd and jumped on stage. It was Forzen!!!!!

"Forzen?!" Benrey said.

"Yes! I don't think they should get married! He's carrying my baby!!" He shouted and the whole room gasped. Gordon started crying and wished he was somewhere else. Forzen fans started screaming for Forzen and gordon to get married. Then Coomer started going in to Forzen to push him away from the stage.

Then suddenly fights started breaking out with all the fans and gordon and Benrey ran away and the others escorted them. They all got to the limo and drove off fast.

To be continued

-white wedding 2-

"benrey! Gordon! Come out here!"

Coomer and darnold and Tommy and Jackie and Bubby were outside the cabin they were staying in til everything blew over. Benrey looked out the window and gasped. Outside was a big tellise with roses and lots of food on a table and music started playing. There was balloons and everyone was wearing dressed up. No way! They went outside.

"What is this?!" They both asked blushing.

"We felt bad about what happened so we made you a nice private wedding with just us." Said Jackie with a big smiled. They all hugged and Coomer said "I can marry you I do jewish weddings but it can still count for you." He said.

Then Benrey put out his hand and gordon took it.

"Shall we?"

He nodded and took his hand. He led him to the roses and Coomer stood in btween them.

"Now, gordon freeman do you take Benrey Benery to be your husband? Will you love and cherish him in sickness and health?"

"I do" he said softly.

"And Benrey Benery do you take gordon freeman to be your lovely husband through poor and riches? For as long as you both live?"

"Yes I do" said drew back.

Coomer smiled.

"First....gordon...."

"Yes babe?"

"I want you to know....I want to adopt the baby."

Gordon had happy tears in his eyes and Coomer said "I now pronouns you man and husband"

And they fell Into a kiss.

The end

[bojangos]

hello i would like to hear about your “jaster never adopted jango” analysis

(LOVE your jaster art. im also inhaling crumbs)

(thank you for the compliment!!! I want to draw more of him sometime.  perhaps from one of the many ‘jaster lives’ aus i’ve seen lmao)

Alright here we go gamers. strap in i'll try to organize my thoughts coherently.

It all comes back to "The Mandalorian: Season 2, Chapter 14", where Boba gets his armor back and shows Din his chain code to prove it belongs to him. Din's immediate reaction is "your father was a foundling", which seems to raise Din's opinion of Boba (but that's. another thing altogether lmao).

So this establishes that, not only was Jango a Mandalorian, but that he was specifically a foundling. Okay, what does this mean?

Foundlings, as portrayed in The Mandalorian, were kids from outside of the clans who were rescued and brought into the fold. They were raised by the clan until they could be 'reunited with their own kind' or came of age, where they could choose to swear the creed, or leave. Jango could not be returned to his family, since they were all killed, so Jaster raised him as a foundling, and we can guess based on the fact Jango's still running around in beskar'gam twenty years later, he swore in. HOWEVER.

Being raised as a foundling is different than being adopted! Foundlings raised in Din's covert were not part of the Clans, but if they swore the creed, they could go on to form their own (re: din and grogu forming Clan Mudhorn).

Okay, what does this have to do with Jango and Jaster? Once again, we wheel back to the scene where Boba shows Din his chain code. Remember, Din takes one look at this, and knows automatically that Jango was a foundling:

(source, a translation of Boba's chain code).

The most notable part here is that it lists Jango as Boba's father, but Jaster as Jango's mentor. The "Mentor/Father" distinction is key to my theory here lmao.

We know that Mandalorian's have a proclivity for adoption, but it seems to be limited to children of other Mandalorians, and that 'new blood' like foundlings are less likely to be adopted and typically form their own clans instead. Another source for this theory actually comes straight from the OG "Open Seasons" comic that goes over Jango's backstory and formally introduces Jaster.

(pictured; Frames from Jango Fett: Open Seasons, Volume 2. Montross is essentially harrassing Jango for “not really being Jaster’s son”.  Also of note: normally I hesitate to source Open Seasons because so much of it is outdated lore, or downright racist or misogynistic, but. We’re going back to the beginning here)

This comic was published before a lot of the existing lore on Mandalorians was established (re: the “Republic Commando” Novels by Karen Traviss), but if we take it in that context, Montross saying Jango isn’t “really” Jaster’s son implies that Jango hasn’t been adopted, that the gai bal manda (mandalorian adoption vow) hasn’t been said.  Adopted children ordinarily have no difference in standing, and typically no distinction is made between adopted and biological children, so Montross saying Jango isn’t Jaster’s son - I’m inclined to believe Montross.

(though Montross does later get Jaster killed in this issue so lmao.  He’s trying to needle Jango here - and I’m sure Jango himself might’ve questioned why Jaster hadn’t adopted him).

If Jaster never adopted Jango, this could be why in The Clone Wars, Season 2, Episode 12: The Mandalore Plot, Prime Minister Almec states: “Jango Fett was a common Bounty Hunter -- How he got that armor is beyond me”.   (This was apparently very controversial when this episode came out - saying Jango wasn’t a Mandalorian after all? In Meta, the reasoning was that the Mandalorians should be more than a mercenary company).  

If Jaster never adopted Jango, this could be reason why Jango was not part of Mandalore’s records.  Then again, Din’s name was apparently listed in a registry on Mandalore proper, so another question is: why isn’t Jango listed there? I have a few options:

1: Jango’s presumed death upon starting the Kamino Contract meant he was removed from any registries.

2: Jango’s earlier presumed death after Galidraan (and his subsequent time in slavery) meant he was removed from the registries.

3: Jaster’s Death on Korda IV meant Jango was removed from the records, since his Mentor died (kind of a stretch, since Jango seems to have already sworn the Resol’nare at this point).

4: Concord Dawn kept it’s own registries (possible, but unlikely, given Din was registered on Mandalore after being in the ass end of the galaxy (sorry, Aq Ventina)).

Anyway, Jango’s mandalorian status nonwithstanding, this doesn’t entirely explain why Jaster wouldn’t have just adopted Jango, since Jaster is well aware there is no one for Jango to go back to. So why didn’t he? I have another couple thoughts!

1: The funnier, albeit less likely (in my opinion) is that Jaster couldn’t legally adopt Jango because he is technically a convicted murderer (re: the republic commando novels, Jaster was exiled from Concord Dawn after murdering a fellow Journeyman Protector for corruption - likely Jaster caught him in the act of some Nasty Things and he was compelled by his own moral code to kill him).  Even mandalorian’s i’m sure have legal statues against letting ‘violent criminals’ formally adopt children (though the Foundling loophole clearly still stands lmao.  Also, as Mand’alor, i’m sure Jaster could just.  Adopt anyway aklsdjflkasdj)

2: More likely in my opinion, is that Jaster didn’t adopt Jango out of respect for Jango’s old family.  If an old friend died suddenly and you took in their kid, you wouldn’t want to replace them as the kid’s parent, right?

Jango was about ten years old when his parent’s were killed by Death Watch - plenty old to remember them fondly, recognize them as his ‘only parents’, and certainly old enough to get hostile with anyone who tries to replace them.  I’m sure this isn’t uncommon among mandalorians or foundlings, so Jaster may have recognized the potential hostility and was extremely clear on not replacing his parents.

(pictured: clip from Jango Fett: Open Seasons, Volume 1 showing Jango’s father leaving food out for a ‘beggar’. Someone  somewhere once used the name Cassius for Jango’s father, and it’s what I use - gotta inject a KOTOR reference somwhere, right?).

Jango’s father was covering for Jaster when Death Watch came knocking - He trusted Jaster enough to leave out food and put his family at risk for Jaster’s sake.  It’s entirely possible they grew up together on Concord Dawn, or, barring that, were close friends as they were both Journeymen Protectors.  He’s still covering for Jaster even as he’s beaten within an inch of his life in front of his family. 

(Pictured: Poor Dad Fett getting beat up while Death Watch threatens to kill him in front of Jango.  Dad says he Hasn’t seen Jaster since he was exiled.)

This is all to say, beyond the ordinary treatment of foundling’s it’s entirely possible Jaster didn’t want to adopt Jango, as doing so would remove one of Jango’s only remaining connections to family - Jango is a Fett first and foremost, and adopting him into Clan Mereel would remove him from that. (the Fett clan is old as hell, predating the Vizsla’s, but that’s another sidebar lmao).

Also super minor, but.  What kind of kid calls their parent by their first name? lmao.

In summary: Din’s reaction to Boba’s Chain code implies that Jango wasn’t adopted, and ye olde Open Season’s Comics support this in various ways - from Montross’ dialogue to Jaster’s relationship with Jango’s family.  Even if he wasn’t fomally adopted, Jaster and Jango recognized each other as family and the respect that came with it.

I’ll leave you with my favorite frame from Open Seasons, lmao.  baby jango you are so cute 

[cowboy-robooty]

hiyaaa i was looking through ur art and was wondering if u could elaborate on why u think prumano would be toxic and evil if they were dating anyone else. 😀 thank youuuu! i <3 ur hcs in case u couldnt tell

hello my loyal prumanohead. it has been literally 2 months since you asked this i am so sorry i did that to you. not even gunna get into what happened my lord anyways okie LETS ANSWER DIS BAD BOY!!!

ANYWAYS OMIGAWD I LOVE PRUMANO SO SO SO see i actually talked all about this with my bruder LMV (user lucianoirlmurdervictim) like an hour ago on minecraft but theyre made for eachother because prussia is too stupid to die from romanos aids and romano is too insane to die from prussias aids. prussia is a terrible boyfriend. hes loud hes direct he doesnt think before he does things and above all he cant fucking take a hint ever hes an idiot he never THINKS but hes always like yay!!! 360 noscope gamer time! hes loud and just constantly parties and has fun no matter what and thats what makes him able to survive romano, an even worse boyfriend. romano is fucking psychotic. that bitch is constnatly on PMS he is an idiot he is a tsundere but a violent and cruel at that. its always his way or the highway and he gets mad at literally everything at all times but see prussua is too fucking stupid to feel damage when romano hurls insults at him and tries to make him die because everyone already does that to prussia so he just goes "DAWWWEEE I LOVE YOU ROMANO CHAN!!! <3" romano to prussia is basically a "nobody can bully you but me" boyfriend except prussia doesnt even think hes being bullied at all so they end up matching perfectly bc prussia's ignorance in relationships acts as an antidote to romanos violence and romanos violence ends up just making him pay attention to prussia at all times and prussias like OMIGAWD HE DIDNT LEAVE ME ON READ OR GHOST ME!!!! 😍😍. i actually think that prumano is really funny because romano wants to be really toxic and evil but is just too stupid to be able to and prussia is too stupid to get trapped by it. like because i wrote a whole prumano bible post before that i assume youve read but to reiterate i think prumano is special together because romano is able to learn the joys of loving instead of only desiring to be loved. because prussia loves him and because he doesnt care abt romanos insanity it feels like an unconditional love and its able to make romano chill out on his desperate need to be a pillow princess (since he doesnt have to fight for it for once) and realize that he enjoys loving prussia too. he wants to be the one who makes prussia smile too. romano learns he desires prussia because he likes seeing him happy too not only because he likes when prussia makes ROMANO happy. i think in most relationships romano has at the core he usually mainly likes people because they like him, not because he really likes them. so because prussia unlocks this true love shit in romano by being a tone deaf idiot whos constantly selfish and clingy to romano even when hes furious, romano gets his possessiveness HARDCORE. since i believe that romano inherently has a possessiveness built in him because yknow hes the fail italy brother mf literally gets NOTHING for his entire life. he dont even get the name italy hes fucking romano rodf. i think romano is very possessive towards prussia even though he constantly tries to kill him and because of that and his general inexpereince in relationships and his tsundereism it mixes together to make him actually have pretty toxic intentions because he genuinely loves prussia. i think hes the type of fella to be like "grrr.... i dont like when prussia is spending so much time with other people... hell no im not gunna tell him i miss him thats some fucking gay shit... i think instead i will punish him everytime he talks to his friends so he'll do that less. yes thats a very normal thing to do." and obviously you can see how that could lead to a super duper toxic relationship all bc romano refuses to communicate and i think in relationships with other people it would end up becoming toxic bc the other person would obviously catch on and become isolated n shit and all the bad shit would happen. but not prussia he built stupid 😍 because prussia doesnt notice when romano is being exceptionally mean to him as a punishment bc he just cant pick things up since hes too wrapped up in his own world. he cant pick up subtle queues from his partner so hes like la de da with romano

and doesnt get manipulated at all to become isolated or anything. plus romanos way of manipulating is fucking stupid and terrible too because he only thinks of trying to pavlovs dog other people to get what he wants or make them think theyre cursed unless they do what he wants without telling them what he wants. so hell punish/curse prussia by like putting spiders in his drinks secretly and thinks to himself "heh. that should teach him. next time hell know he should be only smiling at ME" and prussia just thinks that maybe he should change his name to spider georg after accidentally swallowing the 15 spider in a row. so really. i guess because romanos so incapable at manipulation it wouldnt really be hed be a toxic boyfriend more like just make life insufferable (on top of the fact ur dating romanos personality). so anyways though. i hope this answered ur question idk i kinda rambled abt prumano bc rn its hard to explain the intricucies of how they are perfect for eachother because they are the antidote to eachothers aids. but i hope you get what im sayin here 😍 i think actually prumano is like the mirror evil version of itager, but thats a whole nother post and maybe ill write it if someone asks me or if i feel like it. they make me crazy asf okay i lovee prumano i should write a prumano fanfic romano chan is so crazy hes so #girl they love eachother FOREVER <3

heres a old doodle of italy i did to test a pen. sorry i need to answer this now or else ill never answer it ever so i cannot get up rn and draw prumano or else this ask will be answered probably never 💔

[lukewarmkraftsingle]

hello, tumblr user adekuscrub.  i am the anon who sent you the ask about reigen's divorce.

i would firstly like to apologize for the demeanor of my previous ask: from what xkit tells me, it was 27 minutes after the ball dropped for new years and i was facing my most cathartic experience yet.  following a dream where i was in love with reigen (note: i am aroace), i fell madly obsessed with mp100 and was desperately searching the tags, posting like a kpop girl and her bias. in that sudden delirium (where i was also screaming silently in a discord voice call), i had stumbled upon a fateful video.

if it was any other night, im certain i would give a good chuckle, queue, and move on. but it was not that night. i was absolutely taken. even now, as i think of what to say next, i am replaying the video in another tab because it tickles me so. im going to leave it on loop now. anyways, as you might have guessed: your video had sent me into a frenzied state of dire need.

surprisingly, i didnt have any of the questions you delved into. i believe the mere idea of reigen, a 29-year-old man, being wrecked by divorce and now raising a 14-year-old teenager, was enough to launch my brain into the stratosphere. as i recall, the feeling was akin to being High As Hell and discovering birds can fit in your mouth. (small birds, anyway. im not sure someone can fit an eagle). all i needed was context, information, anything that could add into the brand new fantasy my mind had begun to leech on.

and, as i had asked, you delivered. i greatly enjoyed the screenshots, by the way. and the cat ears gamer headset reigen rendition. i have saved that image to my photos folder for my private enjoyment. i am grateful for the response, as it has brought me several fits of giggles and satisfaction to my mp100-riddled mind. and now, after three unnecessary asks (my apologies. i know its a lot), i will go into my own commentary on the mp100 divorced au.

Of course hes gay. Why wouldn’t he be? as a serirei fan myself, i imagine the ultimate continuation of reigen’s disastrous love life would be finding comfort in his anxiety-riddled employee/business partner (i feel like they addressed his title in the reigen spinoff, but i cannot remember at the moment).  in this same line, yes, it would be difficult imagining reigen married to a woman.  but, as you have already addressed, this is an alternative universe of our own making.  more so, this is a story of discovering oneself through messy trial and error. course, i dont think hes actually been through several divorces, as “trial and error” implies. just the one.

as for with whom: i didnt know what a ‘lavender wedding’ was either, but found it entertaining all the same. i imagine they would have met at reigen’s old job, maybe bonding over similar feelings of loneliness. and maybe the divorce is what lead reigen to quitting said job. something like a not-so-midlife midlife crisis. but, as i mentioned, i enjoy the theme of self discovery. this reasoning is also why i cannot bring myself to entertain the ‘ex-husband from reigen spinoff’ pipeline, because it would the same thing.  sorry, gays.

unfortunately, this has brought me into a rut, because i cannot for the life of me think of an identity for our mysterious ex wife.  i suppose the ex-coworker idea would work. if it means going into my tastes, her lesbianism would get retconned.  though now that i think about it, who said she had to be a lesbian during their marriage? maybe she went into self-discovery, too.  yes, i think i like this idea more.  it would bring up the possibility of an epilogue, a rehashing of old dirt and patching up sore feelings.  maybe a friendship shaped from divorce.  i dont know.

to end this dialogue (as i am suddenly aware that the google doc is nearing 800 words), however or whoever reigen settled this divorce with is up to viewers discretion, of course.  i find more enjoyment in the emotions reigen would experience post-divorce.  how would it feel, knowing your confidant wouldnt, couldnt, accept such an integral piece of you?  how would that loneliness sink into you, as you struggle to find another partner who stand to be near you, much less deal with your lies and fakeouts?  you want to be someone, but nobody wants you to be that person, their person.  its sweetly disgusting how these thoughts swirl in my head.  i guess i just like to push this guy’s buttons.

my apologies. i meant to end it there, but i went on another tangent instead. either way, i hope my thoughts brings you something to consider.  you probably werent expecting a letter.  and im sure some of these thoughts were a bit irrelevant… nonetheless! i open my sincere feelings to you, spurred by passion, delirium, and some sort of disease in my little head. thank you so much for reading, if you ever got to this point.  feel free to respond at your leisure.

p.s. you might be wondering why im speaking like this. you see, your reply was a surprise to me: it held the cadence of some sort of indie author receiving their first fan letter, passionate and inquisitive. have you ever watched a film or video with an accent or way or speaking, and, whether by accident or on purpose, you adopt said accent? you could say this was what happened. because no i dont normally write like this. Also i love that ACNL track; it brings fond memories.

[the previous ask. for posterity. what can i say. i like to be thorough]

thanks for the follow-up! the situation unfolds. this was received in a similar manner to the previous one, first thing in the morning, but much earlier, i must admit. as the invigoration of the holidays fades from view, unfortunately, i am being reminded that i have items that i am responsible for, and life is slowly fitting itself back into the typical slog. lovely way to begin such a day, however! that little blue dot on my inbox was as a freshly received, carefully sealed letter which i could not wait to simply tear into. an excellent letter indeed, the sort that i want to read many times over and fully soak in. unfortunately, i am quite bad with envelopes. i can never get a clean peel, or tear across the top, without the entire thing going into little pieces. it's a bit of a weak point for me, but i am too stubborn to use a letter opener. i suppose it doesn't matter. the envelope is not as important as the contents, and you have certainly given me some contents. truly, the envelope icon is a lovely skeuomorph.

enough of that, though. i am absolutely floored. this is all i ever could have hoped for in response. i will attempt to address things in an orderly fashion.

i understand your frenzied circumstances, certainly. it reminds me somewhat of how i felt after i watched mob psycho. well. it reminds me a bit too much of how i watched mob psycho.

this needs to be approached as i approached it. i am not an anime watcher. certainly not. i have dabbled previously, but not with any depth. it's not an uncommon thing on the internet, especially when you have friends who are into anime. the most i had seen was some of my hero academia, some of ouran high school, and the game theory ddlc videos, which may or may not count as anime. i am not a man of anime experience. however, i am a man of mishandling television.

please ignore the current state of my profile. a recent development. it doesn't matter. my profile picture was certainly not reigen at the time.

this is a message sent moments before disaster. and the verdict?

all within 6 days. it's not a terribly long show. could have been worse, yes?

but oh. i have now remembered. i have repeatedly neglected to clear my browser history. for months. many other things stuck in a similar purgatory. it's fine. it provides me with information such as this:

(not to worry. all watched for free, so subbed at the time, with the most powerful ad-blocker known to man, mind you. this is a screenshot of firefox history, okay, and those blocker things run like crazy. my ad-blocker does not mess around.)

started september twenty-third at 9:11 pm, ended on september twenty-fourth at 4:19 pm. all within less than twenty-four hours. i feels as though we are taking part in some sort of mental illness competition. no one is winning. and i say this with affection.

i shortly after dragged gf into this, and we both watched to the end of season 3, through, ah, let's say, alternate means. lovely. and mob psycho is now my go-to thing that i absolutely will not shut up about. my divorce musings should be sufficient proof.

i can't say that it was driven by any sorts of uh. dreams. as yours was that night. but my god. what a way to kick off the new year for you. that is just. i don't even know what to do with that information. i simply need to take it in, over and over. what a couple of paragraphs. what a description. i love it.

i am glad that the cat ear headphones reigen has been well-appreciated. i suppose i only have one other tidbit to add about that image: they are based on a pair i had myself when i was younger. a dearly beloved pair of headphones. i have since misplaced them. they are not fully lost, simply lying in wait, in the depths of some sort of storage area type of situation. the sort of thing you find when you decide to re-organize your room one day.

well. i could elaborate a bit more. there are, in fact, more mspaint drawings.

here is one based on the artful combination of my old discord status and picture, and

here is one that gf used as a profile picture! matching profile pictures! adorable. hers changed shortly after mine did. we were both holding out to see who would change first. an unspoken war. i lost to that one piece of art for the show, made for the urban legends episode, i believe. the one that is in the screenshots from the last post. but how could i not? it is such a beautiful image. to me. i love it dearly. as to avoid repeating myself, i have left some Normal tags on a post containing it, if you are inclined to dig a bit for them.

i am glad that you have garnered such enjoyment from my video, though. personally, when i make something like that, i'll open up my videos folder occasionally and watch it a few times over. that happened more with the video i made for the last response, though. i quite like the feel of that one. i just end up being entirely too pleased with my own silly videos.

a handful of my postings betray a similar appreciation for gay business men. this is the clear follow-up to divorce in my mind. and as i recall from the reigen manga, there was an addressing of Serizawa's title: i believe that it is officially "my man," of course, the highest honor an employee can be given. incredible.

(i know what you are actually referring to, but i do not have the actual part on hand, terribly sorry.)

i do appreciate your placement of self-discovery and trial and error as a vital point for all of this, and as it has brought me to further thoughts. i would like to elaborate on that a bit more in tandem with societal expectations, all while getting vaguely personal, as that is the only way i can think clearly to properly get my ideas across.

like most, i would venture to say, i have lived a very large portion of my life in an environment where heterosexuality was very much the standard situation. a place where any sorts of marriages followed by gayness-induced divorces or lavender weddings would be born. my younger years were filled with a specific idea of what an "attractive person" should be, how "crushes" should happen in pre-teen through teenage years, and other items along those lines. i figure these typical standards are familiar. for myself, they birthed a sort of good ol' 'merican suburbia-induced conundrum. out of an unshakable and then unidentifiable confusion from these standards, i shut myself out of entertaining any sort of thoughts of relationships outside of platonic ones, and, to a degree, i found comfort in aroace labels as i learned those terms, simply because i did not experience attraction in the ways that people around me were peddling. for myself, my distaste for such things was not born of a very healthy place. being the young and generally introverted person i was, i found it much easier to shut out anything romantic, rather than partaking in any sort of aggressive generic heterosexuality, as a certain divorced au man may have. that man interacts with complete strangers so much. it scares my poor, fragile, introverted heart.

do not be mistaken. i deeply respect the Aroace Grind, dearest anonymous tumblr person, my belovèd. i impart my blessings unto you. may your lack of such attractions be born of the beauty of self-acceptance. i wish you the best in whatever Degree of Not Being Romantically Attracted to Reigen Arataka you partake in outside of the world of dreams. keep it real. etcetera.

anyway. i do not remember if there was ever one deciding moment, but i gradually started to realize through some amount of reflection and experience that i did have desires for romance and other sorts of things that follow, but not on the "typical" terms. and it was certainly a long process of self-discovery for me. in fact, it was only a couple of months ago that i thought slightly more than what would be normal about a side character in a television show who did not match the typical image of Hyper Attractive Male Actor, thought about it a bit harder, then realized that i, traditionally not a man, have successfully been duped by male beauty standards for my entire life. this is my official announcement. i do not care for famous men alarmingly toned 6 foot tall jawline whatever. memories of my mother and old school acquaintances talking about actors following that description being attractive rush to my mind. unfortunate circumstances. but i am allowed a bit of heterosexuality. as a treat.

i do not know if you have had similar experiences in coming to understand yourself, dearest anonymous person, but that is the story i have generated to understand myself. i am quite a fan of narratives that allow me to compartmentalize my own mental processes. and thus, it is how i have come to think about divorced au. reigen, raised around similar expectations, figured that as an adult man, he should be in a typical heterosexual marriage. i think this fits in with what little knowledge we have of his family, mostly from the recent fanbook. they all seem to want him to have a "normal" life, and maybe they quit talking altogether after the divorce. although there is some hope, as he does want to rekindle that relationship. the true reasons for the marriage and depth of awareness of other sorts of attractions are up for interpretation, as i am not offering anything terribly concrete, but my thinking about divorced au comes from my own experiences of suppression, trial, and frequent error.

is it okay if i come up for air for a moment? a brief moment of self-awareness? because this was born of a complete one-off stupid video i made in maybe an hour max from idea to completion. and i'm now projecting my own problems and insecurities onto it. what the hell. actually what the hell. what am i even doing man. i have other ideas about mob psycho characters, hell, i have an au idea that i have been obsessing over born of personal experiences first (i might be tempted to go into that at some point too who knows), but the divorced au is the one that gets thousands of words???? the divorced au????? the one that's only out there because i made funy mob drawing???????????? anon person i am grabbing you by the shoulders and shaking you back and forth like some kinda cartoon character

anyway. enough of that. enough of the hater part of my brain. i'm having too much fun with this.

bringing up the fanbook has brought another thought to mind: one of the major parts that was hyped up for it was information about reigen's past love life, which, in beautiful reigen fashion, was a showstopping display of dodging the question entirely. if the man is divorced au, it could be a touchy subject, or a situation too complicated to explain. it gives off that very generic perception of heterosexual romance.

i appreciate that you've also fit in some of the themes straight from the show shockingly well. that really stands out in the part where you're talking about how reigen would take it. his struggles with loneliness, with his family's expectations, his other side especially, taking into account his conversation with mob in the finale. feeling unwanted. he may already be a bit more than 16% divorced in vibes. i don't even have anything to add to that, i love how you put it.

straying completely and entirely from the mob psycho discussion, your noting of my tone completely and fully warms my heart, truly. i think it's strange that we tend to do that, pick up on how other people speak. personally, my vocabulary has certainly been completely wrecked by reading a large amount of books when i was younger and a vast quantity of stupid posts on the internet. always glad to be writing things for fun, though. i see it as a sort of puzzle. i enjoy finding the exact words i want to use and meshing them together to flow from one sentence to the next, ensuring that i don't repeat too many as to maintain healthy variety, and frequently re-reading parts to convey my ideas as clearly as i can, even if they still end up mildly incoherent and silly - such a roadblock is inevitable in considering divorced au. i get myself into a certain mood when i want to explain something, and it is electrifying, especially when i do it out loud. i am usually an incredibly timid speaker, reserving myself to only a handful of words at a time and letting other people lead in conversation, but once i feel comfortable and reach a place where i have knowledge and ideas to provide, the cadence of my speaking quickens, i give more thought to the arrangements of my words, my voice reaches the height of its volume and full timbre, and i feel as though i could just talk for hours. it is definitely one of my favorite feelings. i still keep my usual stutterings, but rather than dwelling on them, i find myself gliding over them as i do in performing music; a finger slips, but i continue to the next phrase all the same.

that type of speaking does not translate over exactly to my typing, but when i begin typing anything with great length, i fall into a similar style. for myself, this sort of tone is typically reserved for writing in more professional or academic settings, but occasionally, i offer myself the opportunity to splurge on a silly idea or a niche passion, and it restores my soul, in a way. it places me in that mood where i could go on for hours. of course, if i am writing something in a different setting, it does contain capitalization, but outside of that, i'm really not a capitals kinda guy. i am a huge advocate of attempting to type as speech, generally, especially while texting, and my voice simply isn't that poignant, i suppose. the google dictionary claims that my usage of "poignant" is both archaic and metaphorical, but i do not particularly care.

i meant to add the profile picture, but i didn't want to cut into the pace of my writing. here it is. in all its mspaint glory. whatever sort of conversation led up to it was absolutely, definitely, mind-numbingly stupid. it's fine.

and to wrap it up, once again, i feel the need to reiterate, this is the most incredible response i could ever receive from my ramblings. the most incredible.

oh. let me go ahead and stick the second ask into here too, for the sake of brevity:

much appreciated! god has given me very limited knowledge of html, and i will use it to create a barely functioning hodgepodge of a blog. i hope they're okay with that. gf doesn't like it. i think she just fears my power. my favorite detail is resizing the window. almost everything is decently configured for that.

i hope this addresses your concerns, and maybe adds on some new ones, too!

[tsuki-sennin]

Acho! Donbrothers, basically my weekly feeding of peach-flavored crack.

Speaking of peaches, we've been getting a fuckload of those lately, as thanks to a special deal we've gotten. Momoi Tarou will truly never leave me alone. What's gonna happen to me later?

Spoilers, I guess...

-"Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah, sorry man. No quitting for you."

-"No punching my companions. ...except for all those other times."

-Momoi's trying to be nice and it's killing him.

-Oh hey, Jirou~! Hello!

-I recently remembered, thanks to the fine folks over at Death Battle, that Sun Wukong ate every last peach of immortality in heaven.

-Sooooo... perhaps

-Momotani Jirou!

-Hang on a moment, Shuichi Saihara- I mean Shinichiro Shirakura- I mean, Shinichi Saruhara. This is supposed to be a nice moment with the new guy!

-:O

-HE THANKED US

-Character development~!

-Nah, Haruka, you've gotta get your positive reinforcement elsewhere. He's got a limit, you see.

-My man's throwing his own welcome party <3

-Ah, Ji-money's been promoted to the intro~!

-He's kinda brutal, yeah. Not unlike AbareKiller in his debut.

-Crashing the delivery job.

-He's learnin'!

-Oooooooh, that's a nice Bento.

-Monkey see, monkey do?

-Oh God, do people actually brush their teeth at work?

-Do what needs to be done and live up to full life consequences.

-Momotani Jirou.

-Well, his art-style's pretty nice.

-Kinda reminds me of early Dragon Ball, fittingly enough.

-BRUH

-Yabai

-"...dude, c'mon."

-Oh boy, Haiku time.

-Ehhhh, I can only have a little wasabi with each bite. I'm well accustomed to other kinds of spicy food, but I'm afraid it's a little beyond me.

"Like the moon over the day, my genius and brawn are lost on these fools." -Bowser Koopa, Super Mario RPG

-Oh god, office work.

-10 yen.

-My American brain saw a copper coin and thought that this man dropped a fucking penny on the paper. I was close, 10 yen is roughly 8 cents.

-OH MY GOD

-DUDE

-Oh, gamer. Is he perhaps our... Denji-ki?

-Idk what he's playing, the last fucking game I ever played was Megaranger.

-Of course, I'm kidding, the last game I ever played was Kamen Rider Chronicle before I swore off of video games altogether and became a mountain hermit with no internet.

-OH MY GOD THIS CHAT IS SO MEAN HJKJLKG

-Oooookay, that's a dinosaur.

-Seems like... Bakuryu-ki? Gamer rage is explosive after all.

-Tsubasaaaaaaa!

-Hi, Doggy!

-DOG FOOD

-DON'T EAT IT

-Shake?

-NO SHAKE

-Guess everybody hates the monkey dragon man.

-Oh fuck, it's Momoi.

-Oh fuck it's Sonoi.

-Nah man, I don't wanna fight you.

-Oh, goddammit Inoue, not now.

-He don't wanna talk about it.

-Good enough for me then. He gay.

-Inoue always writes the most unintentionally amazing gay ships ever. I don't know how he does it.

-Ooooooooooooooh, Tsuyoshi...!

-:(

-Miho-san :)

-Ich...

-ICHIBAN-KAI?!

-Holy shit, not offbeat even once.

-"You're another one of my funny sidekicks!"

-OHHHHHHH

-Oh fuck

-Oh my god.

-He's become edgy.

-Jesus Christ

-OHHHHH GOD

-Holy shit, his throwing arm.

-HE STOLE HER SHADES

-HE GOT THE MONKEY MAN

-Man

-Is this where Kagerou went?

-Gamer Dino Go!

-Sooooo... he spaced out his story telling that much?

-God, dude.

-Greatest Superhero of All Time

-Kinda giving me Lord Drakkon vibes, ngl.

-Wow, Tarou's gotten very nice.

-Tsuyoshi! :D

-Get his ass!

-SMACK

-Goddamn, girl!

-So, he doesn't remember?

-Huh... that's... a lot of questions unanswered.

-Hot damn!

-He's doin' the Alter Change thing!

-Is that?

-Holy shit, it is!

-...actually, come to think of it, this guy might be a Kyoryu-ki. Bakuryu-ki seems a bit obvious. God, idk man, dinosaurs might as well have never gone extinct at all.

-Hey, dog dude!

-Guess Don Dragoku doesn't get beeg.

-Oh!

-Kyoryu-ki. That's our Dragon Ranger.

-...god. I know this sounds weird for an American, but I'm more familiar with Super Sentai than I am with Power Rangers. As such, I'm always amazed whenever I see that the OGs, stock footage and Saved by the Bell antics and all, were just... Red Ranger, Yellow Ranger, Blue Ranger. Not even with their designated prehistoric animals, just colors. So weird, huh? ...speaking of PR, I really wanna try to get back into Dino Fury, that shit slaps and heals my soul. Gay heals.

-You're a pain in the ass, Momotani Jirou. You fit right in~!

-He's sorry! It's progress!

-Oooooooooh, shit.

-Natsumiho. ...that was pretty quick, all things considered.

-Ayyyyyy, more Avatar Change action! I missed that!

-"Oh, Tsuki seems like he's forgotten our Senpai Sentai. Let's make him excited by showing him Burai's suit!"

-Well guess what, Inoue, it fuckin' worked!

[youngdumbamericanteen]

hello i present to you a few conversations im 100% sure went down in the bau groupchat (with the elite 7)

penelope garcia has added emily prentiss, spencer reid, Aaron Hotchner, derek morgan, jennifer jareau, and david rossi to the chat

penelope garcia has changed the chat name to bau baddies

penelope garcia: i told you i’d make a groupchat!

derek morgan: babygirl is now really the time?

Aaron Hotchner: Garcia, we’re suiting up for a tactical infiltration. Please do this at another time.

emily prentiss: of course hotch texts with perfect grammar

jennifer jareau: his name is capitalized. how did he even do that?

penelope garcia: does hotch not text you emily?

emily prentiss: take a wild guess

spencer reid: Is this always going to make my phone buzz like this? I don’t like it.

david rossi: im begging u all to stfu

jennifer jareau: i forgot rossi is a gamer

Aaron Hotcher: We’re going in now, if any of you care.

penelope garcia: be safe guys!!!!

-

papa rossi: whichever one of you mfs swapped my tomato sauce is going to get listed as a victim of our next unsub

princess: whatsa wrong? isa your MAHrinAHra disturbed?

jj: emily youre actually going to get yourself killed

Sir Hotch: You’re all supposed to be working you know.

goddess: its our lunch break!

papa rossi: and mine has been ruined

chocolate thunder: hey reid whats the difference between the two sauces

babie: You could just look it up you know.

chocolate thunder: this is more fun

Sir Hotch: Whichever one of you made Reid start yelling out ingredients is taking my place at the next budget meeting.

chocolate thunder: ooohh someones in trouble

chocolate thunder: oh wait shit its me

princess: HAHA

jj: you have to deal with straussssss

babie: Perhaps Rossi can make sure she’s in a good mood first.

princess: ...

jj: I-

goddess: spencer i told you WE DONT KNOW ABOUT IT

chocolate thunder: im not sure whos out of whos league here

papa rossi: just for that i wont

papa rossi: bitch

Sir Hotch: Prentiss, control your hyena laugh. I can hear it through my closed door.

-

babie: The bartender said that all the victims “listened to girl in red”, do any of you know what that means?

princess: i love that band

goddess: im fucingdshj-

goddess: its a band lesbians listen to

babie: So the victims were lesbians. Maybe it's a hate crime?

chocolate thunder: are we just gonna brush over prentiss or

Sir Hotch: Morgan, what kind of profiler are you?

papa rossi: i knew from the second i met her

jj: so did i

babie: I did as well.

goddess: you saw her old bangs right?

jj: and her high school pictures?

chocolate thunder: reid and jj dont count, yall have that gay radar shit. hotch and rossi im not even gonna start on. penelope is the oracle of all knowledge so she also doesnt count.

chocolate thunder: ...ok maybe i was a little oblivious

Sir Hotch: A little?

princess: face it derek

princess: you have shit gaydar

-

babie: Emily just got hit by a car!

princess: im fine

chocolate thunder: how are you fine?

princess: tis but a flesh wound

jj: if you fake your death again you wont ever have to flirt with another unsub

princess: ...

princess: hotch get the coffin

goddess: i cant keep secrets you guys know that!

jj: spence youre in the know this time so you cant be all mad about it ok?

babie: I was completely reasonable last time.

Sir Hotch: If you die in a car accident you have to pay for your own funeral.

princess: shit

papa rossi: before you ask, no.

chocolate thunder: oh thats cold

[althephie]

✘ 𝐇𝐀𝐈𝐊𝐘𝐔𝐔 𝐌𝐀𝐒𝐓𝐄𝐑𝐋𝐈𝐒𝐓 ✘

Hello! I'm more active on this anime than BNHA lol

·̇·̣̇̇·̣̣̇·̣̇̇·̇ •๑♡๑•୨୧┈┈┈୨୧•๑♡๑• ·̇·̣̇̇·̣̣̇·̣̇̇·̇

Fluff - ✿

Angst: ☽

Smut: ✧

Crackfic: ♔

Writing: ✗

Requested: ✼

Completed: ✓

If you guys have any requests don’t be afraid to ask!

━━━━━━♡♤♡━━━━━━

𝐀𝐊𝐀𝐀𝐒𝐇𝐈 𝐊𝐄𝐈𝐉𝐈

·̇·̣̇̇·̣̣̇·̣̇̇·̇ •๑♡๑•୨୧┈┈┈୨୧•๑♡๑• ·̇·̣̇̇·̣̣̇·̣̇̇·̇

✗ Drivers License ☽ - akaashi took advantage of his childhood friend y/n knowingly, and ghosted her for someone else.

✗ WAP! ♔ - Akaashi walks in yours and his apartment room to find Bokuto and you doing a titkok aka the Wap.

✗ Too Close! ✿ - y/n is super shy and one day, she falls on top of her crush, akaashi and gets close up to his face.

✗ So tell me to leave ☽ - [Toxic Relationionship!] The two couldn't get enough of eachother, until it became too much for y/n to handle.

✗ Gentleman ✿☽✧ - [Cheater! Akaashi x Femae Reader] Her husband was a gentleman in her eyes. Loving her, Caring for her, but one day that image shriveled up into pieces. She watches him loving on someone else that was not her.

✗ Jealous ✿ - y/n is the team's manager and the boys were complimenting her and simping, which makes her boyfriend, akaashi jelly!

·̇·̣̇̇·̣̣̇·̣̇̇·̇ •๑♡๑•୨୧┈┈┈୨୧•๑♡๑• ·̇·̣̇̇·̣̣̇·̣̇̇·̇

𝐊𝐎𝐙𝐔𝐌𝐄 𝐊𝐄𝐍𝐌𝐀

·̇·̣̇̇·̣̣̇·̣̇̇·̇ •๑♡๑•୨୧┈┈┈୨୧•๑♡๑• ·̇·̣̇̇·̣̣̇·̣̇̇·̇

✗  Bored of it ☽ - y/n and kenma have been together since highschool. He loved her and She loved him, but he did not love her the way she did. The spark he felt vanished.

✗  Gamers girlfriend ✿ - y/n loved playing video games just as much as her boyfriend. They would go live together andplay together, but someone had to be the responsible one in the pair.

✗  All in my head ☽ - [Cheater! Kenma x Fem Reader] It was all in her head right? Kenma would never cheat on her. Not with her bestfriend....right?

✗  Tall ✿ - [ Kenma x Tall! Reader] There is nothing wrong with being taller than your boyfriend. At least not in his eyes. y/n feels insecure over how tall she is compared to kenma. The girls in her class do no help supress that insecurity.

✗  Boyfriend ✿ - [ Kenma x Male! Reader] They are the gay power couple of their school! Everyone adores them.

✗  Never Be Satisfied ☽ - [ Kenma x Male! Reader] Maybe if he was born a female. His crush would love him instead , but his sister instead caught his eyes.

✗  Lets Cuddle ✿ - Kenma wants cuddles.

·̇·̣̇̇·̣̣̇·̣̇̇·̇ •๑♡๑•୨୧┈┈┈୨୧•๑♡๑• ·̇·̣̇̇·̣̣̇·̣̇̇·̇

𝐌𝐈𝐘𝐀 𝐎𝐒𝐀𝐌𝐔

·̇·̣̇̇·̣̣̇·̣̇̇·̇ •๑♡๑•୨୧┈┈┈୨୧•๑♡๑• ·̇·̣̇̇·̣̣̇·̣̇̇·̇

✗  Onigiris ✿ - osamu made onigiris for his adorable girlfriend. He's shy to give them to her.

✗  Lets Cuddle ✿ - cuddles.

✗  I never wanted you☽ - He used her. Just for his own good. He just saw her as another girl that was obssessed with her. He told her that he did not love her. He payed for it in the end.

✗  Love ✿ - [Soulmates Au] Love is confusing especially when the world pairs you up with someone that you don't get to choose.

·̇·̣̇̇·̣̣̇·̣̇̇·̇ •๑♡๑•୨୧┈┈┈୨୧•๑♡๑• ·̇·̣̇̇·̣̣̇·̣̇̇·̇

𝐎𝐈𝐊𝐀𝐖𝐀 𝐓𝐎𝐎𝐑𝐔

✗  Flat Ass! ✿♔ - When Oikawa's team talks about Oikawa's but compared to their managers aka his girlfriend.

 ✗ His Queen ✿ - You were a queen and everyone wanted you, but you chose to be his queen instead.

✗  Two-Faced ✿☽ - You just wanted him to open up to you and not show you his act. You loved the times where he showed you the real side.

✗  Not Enough☽ - [Cheater! Oikawa x Fem Reader] You find him cheating on you with your older sister, who did not know that he was your love.

[wattpadscapcons]

Hello! I’m new here, and you can call me “Homosenpual” because I’m really gay for Senpai! Could you write some Senpai x Reader where they both have a tendency to rage at video games? I’ve been getting extremely frustrated at Pokémon Unite recently and would love someone to rage with who’s as much of a sore loser as I am. My brand of raging consists of yelling, stomping, and hitting myself in the face with the controller.

Hey welcome to my blog! I shall try my best with making Senpai into a rage gamer to fit the whole mood. I've never even heard of Pokemon Unite, and I've been in the fandom since I was a child.

Gamer Rage (Senpai x reader)

- How did you even get him to play video games the first time?

- He was literally so angry the first time he couldn't win against you in Pokémon

- "A little bit of a sore loser dear?" "Be glad that I love you enough not to strangle you right now." "You up for a round two?" "YES. Let's go again, I'm going to kick your ass this time." "Says the one who lost to a Pikachu..." "HUSH."

- Please keep him away from any expensive items while he rages, he will most likely break them

- Keeps you from hurting yourself with the controller, but may break it in half if he's angry enough

- You two get a lot of noise complaints, mostly because every time you play video games, someone ends up screaming

- "ARE YOU F***ING KIDDING ME?!" "HE CAN'T JUST DO THAT!"

- He always wakes up hoarse after one of you guys' all night gaming sessions

- "Y/N, can we pick an easier game next time?" "Yeah...After you win." "Please don't make me scream anymore I can barely talk as is..." "Alright, fine, I'll let you win." "Thank you."

- Get him into other rage games? You two are going to lose so much money on gaming equipment

- By the time he's ready to quit you're probably going to have a hole in the wall, and Senpai's hand bleeding

- "Why do I keep doing this?" "Bonding experience?" "More like gamer rage sessions....you're going to end up killing me with high blood pressure." "You want to try the regular Pokémon games?" "Like Moon and Sun?" "Yeah." "Why not? They're usually better than some of the spin-offs we've played."

- You turned him into a total gamer

- I hope you're proud that he knows what those stats are for

- And that he hasn't killed you over taking out his team a million times

- Take some time to let him breathe though

- "Senpai let's actually go out for once." "You don't want to play games on the switch again?" "No, not today. I was thinking we could go get ice cream?" "Sounds nice."

[hawkinsschoolcounselor]

Hi! I hope you're having a good day. I just love the way you explain things around the possible future of S4 and I wanted to ask whether you think that it was actually Will who took El's powers away since he was kind of jealous of how close she and Mike were and mad about how Mike basically ignored them.

Hello. I’m on Spring Break now, and it’s some much appreciated R&R (meaning: sitting on my couch watching gamer streams).

I’ve touched on this before, I think. I speculated that Will was responsible for El’s powers being taken away, though he wasn’t consciously aware of it. It all goes back to the theory that the Upside Down is a manifestation of Will’s trauma. That being the case, Will would have a degree of influence over what was going on, even though he doesn’t realize it.

Bear in mind that this is just a theory. Things can get dicey when trying to fictionalize real mental processes using fantasy/sci-fi elements. Conceptualizing these abstract concepts in a more concrete/physical manner is difficult and, of course, subject to individual interpretation. Nevertheless, away we go...

Just like his trauma, Will had been trying to push away his jealousy. I know the popular theory is that Will was already aware that he’s gay and in love with Mike, but I don’t really think it’s that simple. Will would sooner not be in love with anyone than admit that his dad and the bullies were right all along. As a result, he’s using defense mechanisms to avoid confronting his feelings, in a similar (but different) way to Mike. He rationalizes that he just misses his best friend, despite the fact that he doesn’t resent Dustin or Lucas for not wanting to hang out as much or for having girlfriends. It becomes about D&D rather than Mike, though we can see he really just wants to use that as a means to spend time with Mike. Perhaps he figured it out by the end of season 3, since he did seem oddly flirty and confident during the ending, but I’m not sure he had it all together yet during the season.

By pushing his feelings of jealousy and resentment down, they could have joined his trauma in that compartmentalized part of his mind. The resentment for El, that he’d never consciously acknowledge, could have manifested through the Upside Down as the monster now specifically targeting her. I do find it interesting that the creature bit into her, left a portion of itself in her, then she lost her powers after it was removed. I have trouble accepting that it’s coincidental: that she just overexerted herself or it’s just a mental block. She’s been drained before, needing to rest up, but she never lost them. I dare say that she exerted herself far more when closing the gate in season 2. No, I think her losing her powers was exactly what the monster wanted because it was what Will wanted. He would always push the thought away, but I’m sure he felt that if El didn’t have powers that Mike wouldn’t be as interested in her anymore.

It’s important to note that Will himself didn’t do this. He doesn’t harbor any genuine dislike for El, and they made sure to show that he was as upset as anyone else when she got injured. He’s been pushing all his negative feelings down into a repressed part of his mind, and his latent powers have allowed them to manifest into the real world. If this theory is true, then I expect Will to feel extreme guilt over it once he finds out. I think that will be part of his season 4/5 storyline. Will needs to come to terms with his feelings, particularly those that he’s pushed away. In accepting those feelings as a part of him, I think he’ll be able to take back control of what’s been going on and end the threat once and for all.

Before that, though, I think he may attempt to sacrifice himself out of guilt and remorse, feeling that it’s his fault it happened, and if he’s gone it’ll all go away. Ultimately, though, he’ll, with help, come to terms with it all. He’ll find a way to restore El’s powers, if she hadn’t already figured out a way herself, and the two of them will save their friends. Will and El being a power duo once they allow themselves to bond would be epic, and it would be a good payoff after never allowing them to interact over three seasons.

[v3nusaphr0d1t3]

i know you want it in the worst way

crossposted on ao3: <3

rating: explicit

content warning: gay ass mfs, shameless porn, uhhhh impact play

dabi gets pegged by his roommate tomura / no quirk au / trans shiggy / camboy shiggy series

tomura had made an uncomfortable situation for himself. he currently sat at the kitchen table with his roommate, intent on devouring his half of the large pizza by himself in an unreasonable amount of time. dabi was intent on doing the same. but that wasn’t what was uncomfortable. it was the fact that recently, him and dabi had been getting cozy in between streams. it was new, and very strange.

going into this, tomura was honestly just excited for the views that he would get. but the amount of attention that he was getting because of his “chemistry” with dabi was insane. dabi would sleep in tomura’s bed most nights, or they would fall asleep on the couch together. dabi would make him coffee in the morning, or bring him chips on his way back from… whatever his job was. tomura tended to not get involved, because it wasn’t his business and frankly he didn’t care.

but he had begun to enjoy dabi’s presence in his room when he played games. his viewers had seen dabi plenty, and had taken to making fun of tomura in the stream chat. those that knew who dabi was were particularly relentless. and though tomura and dabi had been living together for nearly a year now, it felt like dabi had just recently begun making himself seen. like he had wiggled his way into tomura’s life, and slowly started to figure out his habits, breaking every wall tomura had up to keep people away from him.

hell, he started doing the chores more. it just seemed like he gave more of a shit. it gave tomura butterflies and also simultaneously made him nervous. it was one thing to fuck someone, but all this gushy shit was frightening. he hadn’t really let himself feel like that in a long time. especially since transitioning. but dabi seemed to take him seriously, and more so not really give a shit what tomura did. it was refreshing.

he hadn’t even really realized he had gotten stuck in his train of thought until dabi was waving a hand in front of his face.

“hello? creep? you with us?” dabi’s sarcasm shouldn’t have been an endearing as tomura found it.

tomura raised a non-existent eyebrow. “who’s ‘us’?” he asked, looking around to further the quip.

“me n’ the ghosts, fuck you mean?”

tomura chuckled, going back to his last bite of pizza, savoring it, and standing up to throw the box away. he set it next to the trash can and moved back to the table, sitting down with a satisfied stomach and a lingering question in his mind.

ever since dabi had made him cry on stream, he had revenge on his mind. he wanted to fuck this man into incoherency. and tomura had the advantage of being able to chose his dick size.

“hey,”

“hm?” dabi looked up from where he was staring off, holding his last slice of pizza.

“can i fuck you?” tomura asked in his plain, monotone voice.

“ain’t that what you were doin’?”

“no, i mean— i wanna fuck you. like, i top.” tomura explained as he set his head in his hands, grin splitting his face.

dabi raised his eyebrows, before matching tomura’s grin. “well, i’m not gonna say no to that. just know, you gotta live up to what i put down.”

“easy.” tomura’s competitive streak made it’s appearance. “be ready by tomorrow night, we’ve got a show to put on. you know what to do right?” tomura asked.

“yes, dumbass, i know what to do.”

“ok, ok. just wanted to hear you admit that you bottom.” tomura covered his grin with his hand, standing up and taking off, promptly ending the conversation.

the next time he saw dabi, he was at tomura’s door later that evening, just watching him play his games. this was part of a strange routine that they had developed, more time spent together recently than ever. tomura looked over and him, and nodded over to his bed, silently telling him to get comfortable. dabi did, faceplanting into tomura’s disheveled sheets and listening to the clicks of the mouse and tomura’s gamer rage.

it was nice, having company like this. it was quiet but it was nice.

and eventually, when tomura’s eyes got tired from staring at the screen, or when he got bored of the same strategies over and over again, he stood up from his chair, popping both of his knees in the process, and made his way to the bed. dabi still laid there, asleep. it was a strange and soft sight that tomura enjoyed. it made him queasy to know that he slept beside this man, completely vulnerable, but he did. he didn’t really know when it started, or what they were at this point, but a warm body was a warm body. and tomura crawled in next to him, feeling the sleeping man stir, only to sling his tattooed arm over tomura and pull them together. it was nice. this was nice.

and tomura woke up before dabi like he always did. it always confused him how dabi went to bed before him and woke up after him. he guessed some people just needed more sleep. he took a cigarette from dabi’s jacket at the end of the bed, making his way to the window to sit in the window sill, feet on the fire escape, as he lit it. he liked the watch the all the people, and his lack of sleep always fueled that interest. he only heard footsteps for a moment before dabi wrapped his arms around tomura’s waist mid-inhale, making him cough and struggle.

“you shithead! i should kill you,” tomura grumbled too loud for the morning air.

“mmm, shut it.” dabi’s morning voice was lovely, and it made the morning feel warm. no more words were said, but they were felt as dabi continued to hold tomura, stealing the cigarette from him. and when it went out, dabi entwined their hands and watched the street below with him.

it was nice, this was nice.

this type of intimacy was something that tomura wasn’t used to. but the other kind, the one they were gearing up for to stream to tomura’s viewers, tomura was very used to.

the heat in his gut flared up more as the day went on, when tomura showered, when dabi went on a run for his ‘job’, and when dabi went to go take a shower, tomura went to get ready himself. he pulled out his box from under his bed, pulling out his 8 incher. he wanted to ruin dabi and this bright pink instrument of doom would seem to do the trick. he found his harness and the lube, and laid them all on his desk as he made his bed and cleaned up his room. it was consistently a disaster, he just tried to avoid the mess making its way into his camera shot. by the time most of his shit was pushed out of view of the camera, he heard the shower turn off and dabi step out of it.

tomura sat back on his bed in his boxers and hoodie, materials in sight of the camera which was on and ready for him to press the “go live” button. his door opened, and there stood dabi in his t-shirt and boxers, looking domestic but sexy as all hell. he had a fire in his eyes as he usually did before the streams. he looked at the strap on tomura’s bed and immediately, his face was red and he was shifting where he stood.

“so— we really doin’ this, huh creep?” he murmured, eyes still glued to the toy.

“i mean— you can back out if you want, i haven’t started the stream—”

“no! no, i— i- uh. i wanna.” dabi cut tomura off, already stammering over his words.

and tomura was already obsessed with the shade of red dabi was turning. the white-haired man shuffled his way over to the laptop, making sure all of his settings were in check and all of his links worked, before looking back to dabi.

“ready?” tomura asked, and dabi nodded, sitting back on the bed.

tomura started the stream, waiting a few moments for the viewers to flood in.

“hi! welcome back, you guys are in for a treat this time. it’s my turn to fuck him stupid, as revenge.”

tomura would never get over the way he acted in front of a camera. it was so freeing, which was strange. he felt more natural in front of all these strangers than he did in public. it was absurd and he adored it.

>> hellz yeah!! ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

>> Peg the cissie

tomura chuckled at that one. his viewers always entertained him, whether by being inconsolably horny or genuinely funny. either way, he turned back to dabi, grin splitting his face. there was a glint of excitement in the other mans eye, and he could tell this was going to be fun.

tomura made his first move soft, moving his hands up dabi’s tattooed legs to rub his thighs, leaning in for a kiss that was softer than the ones that they had shared before. he started everything off slow, making his way between dabi’s legs as they kissed. it was a push and pull, less biting, and less aggression. though, because it was them, playful nips were a given. tomura earned a nice breathy chuckle from dabi when he moved his hand up to grip the base of dabi’s head by his hair, carding his fingers through it.

when they had to pull away for air, tomura moved on to dabi’s neck, kissing along his jaw to suck a mark onto him, high up on his neck. practically impossible to hide. tomura liked that. dabi was still surefire, breathing only slightly sped up. tomura slid his thigh in between dabi’s to give him something to work his hips on, and he did. he grinded his hips against tomura’s thigh as tomura sucked more into his skin, biting onto the junction between dabi’s neck and his shoulder, making the aforementioned man whine almost pathetically.

“oh— you sound really pretty, dabi.” tomura was always a bit insecure of his voice, whiney and craggly, but dabi seemed to enjoy the sentiment. it made tomura’s gut clench, the way dabi’s breath caught.

“why don’t we open you up, huh? can i eat you out?” tomura wouldn’t be able to spew any filth like this if the camera wasn’t on. it was the false confidence, the performance. but the words were true, dabi really was gorgeous in this moment. tomura didn’t believe how he hadn’t seen it before.

“god— yes, yeah—” dabi’s reply was deep and gutteral, leaned back on his hands as he spread his legs. tomura took to getting dabi out of his pants, pulling his boxers down himself and pulling him by his thighs to lay spread open. tomura was on his stomach, level with dabi’s crotch as he let out little puffs of breath to watch dabi arch into nothing. it was insane how responsive the man was already, and tomura hadn’t even touched him. he had to do this more often.

“jesus— get on it with, will ya’?” dabi’s tone was laced with annoyance, looking down at tomura with a blush on his face and a glint in his eye. tomura’s grin was mischievous as he moved to kiss along dabi’s inner thigh.

“that’s no way to ask for something. you know what you want. ask for it.”

and this was where dabi’s stubbornness kicked in. his lips stayed sealed as he arched against nothing. tomura sat up, moving back from dabi and looking him in the eye. tomura took to running his fingers along the inside of dabi’s legs, up his torso, to his chest, over his nipples, and back down. feather light, only enough to make goosebumps erupt all over.

tomura could tell dabi was trying really hard not to give in. not to move. to do nothing.

“beg. i know you want to.” tomura being able to get away with being a shithead was gonna go to his head if it continued to feel this good. tomura leaned in, just over dabi’s ear, and dragged his nails over dabi’s outer thighs.

“good boys know how to beg, dabi.” his voice was still that monotone, with a hint of mockery. and dabi caved.

“please. please, please please—”

“better than that, i know you’re smarter than that, pretty boy.”

“i need you, tomura, give it to me, give me something, please—”

having dabi like this without even touching him was definitely getting to tomura’s head. but dabi had done good, so tomura moved down and licked a stripe over dabi’s hole. he heard him gasp, so without letting the other man get his bearings, he immediately began his assault, circling his rim with his tongue and running it up and over his taint to swirl the tip of his cock. he moved back down to push his tongue in with little flick, opening him up slightly with the glide of the wet muscle.

above him, dabi was trying to hold in his whimpers and moans, moving one of his hands to muffle himself before tomura, without discontinuing his attention to dabi’s hole, grabbed his arm and shoved it back to the bed. dabi’s next groan was fully exposed to the camera and was like music to tomura’s ears.

tomura knew dabi had a thing for the camera. he knew it from the second dabi asked to join him. so tomura made dabi the star this time. and by god was he doing it well. tomura pulled back and wiped his mouth with his hoodie sleeve.

“you sound really good,” tomura murmured, finally grabbing the lube and hearing dabi sigh in relief with the pop of the cap. he was rock hard and practically leaking against his stomach.

tomura poured some out on his fingers, trying to warm it in his hand but apparently failing if dabi’s hiss was any indication of temperature. he rubbed his fingertips along dabi’s hole, hearing dabi’s breathy whines speed up.

“what did we learn last time?” tomura asked leisurely, looking dabi right in his hazy eyes. he continued his ministrations, teasing but never fulfilling, just never enough to satisfy. he wanted to drive dabi insane, and patience was key. he wanted this boy to beg and pant for the camera, to scream out for him. he wanted dabi to fall apart like putty in his hands, and all he had to do was wait.

but he wouldn’t. yet again, he was denying tomura his sweet, wrecked words yet again. tomura wouldn’t have that. he removed his fingers from where they were running light little circles against dabi’s hole and used his non-lubed hand to run his fingers lightly across dabi’s inner thighs again. dabi groaned in frustration and dropped onto his elbows, giving tomura a death stare like no other. the fire in his eyes was bright, and tomura wanted to dive in and burn. he gave a lazy smirk as he dipped his hand into the crease between the other man’s thigh and his pelvis, running his finger down and avoiding the spot where dabi wanted him the most.

“fuck off,” dabi moaned these words despite their meaning, and tomura could tell that they were not meant to be taken literally.

“you’re such a mess already, and i haven’t even fucked you. come on, say what you gotta say. be good, for once.” tomura was spouting off, dripping wet in his boxers as he leaned in over dabi.

“make me, creep. make me, if you want it so fuckin’ bad.” dabi’s tone betrayed how fond he was of the situation he was in, though still whiny as all hell. tomura almost didn’t want to give him what he was so obviously baiting for. still, tomura would never pass an opportunity to whip the other man into shape.

he wasn’t the strongest, but dabi was in such a shaky state that he was able to manhandle him on his stomach with his ass up, face pressed into the pillow by virtue of tomura’s hand on the back of his head. and without hesitation, tomura laid down a smack hard enough to rattle his teeth on dabi’s ass. he saw the other man light up and he heard a groan loud enough to be loud through the pillow. tomura couldn’t imagine what the chat looked like right now. he didn’t care. they wanted authenticity, he would deliver.

tomura watched a print of his hand slowly appear on dabi’s right asscheek as dabi waggled his hips to try to entice tomura further. he decided to bite, laying another smack just as hard where his thigh met his ass, hearing a loud gasp as dabi drooled onto the pillow. and another, and another. he continued with a few more until dabi was whining into open air, little mewls and whimpers coming from where he had turned his head to the side to breathe better tomura’s hand sneaking its way into his hair and pulling occasionally.

tomura leaned over dabi, right up next to his ear, and murmured, “you wanna be a good boy now and beg for it? come on, i don’t have all day.” his fond little words combined with the stinging pain on dabi’s ass must have made the wall in his head break down.

“please, please gimme somethin’— i need it, c’mon, tomura,” dabi stretched out his lovers name like a prayer, clinging to every syllable like it would satisfy him in tomura’s absence.

either way, tomura finally spread dabi’s cheeks and slowly slid one finger in with surprising ease. he heard dabi whimper yet again, and knew he wouldn’t have to wait much longer to add a second. he did just that, working through whatever resistance the other man’s body posed him. dabi was already a puddle beneath him, little breaths driving tomura up the wall. he was about at the end of his rope here. he wasn’t a patient man, but something about dabi made him one. he couldn’t see himself spending this much time riling anyone else up, and it was strange to see this man make him so different.

he added another finger, watching with hungry eyes as his fingers were repeatedly engulfed. he curled them up against dabi’s walls and watched the man deflate. it was almost amusing.

still, he decided to finally take mercy on the poor thing and stood up to put on the harness. he heard dabi whine and turn over, hissing when his ass hit the bedsheets. tomura got his dick strapped into the harness and turned around with a half assed ‘ta-da’ gesture, smiling when dabi let out a husky little chuckle at the imagery of tomura’s bright pink strap against his black boxers.

he got up onto the bed, seeing now the product of his teasing in the way dabi leaned into his every touch. he lubed up and lined up with dabi’s hole, moving one of dabi’s legs to be on his shoulder. dabi was all limbs, so it was surprisingly easy. and for how leggy he was, he was unexpectedly flexible. tomura began to push in, making eye contact with dabi as he leaned over him, nearly folding the poor man in half as tomura laid one hand beside dabi’s head.

in this process, he had nearly all the way pushed into dabi, and the man below him was losing his mind.

“f- fuck i— i didn’ think it was that big—” dabi’s murmuring was more to himself, but the words went to tomura’s head for some reason. he was smirking as dabi tried to wiggle to get that last bit inside of him, groaning like he needed it.

“tomura, god, please,” the desperation in his voice was the straw that broke the camel’s back. tomura slammed the rest of the way in, and started a relentless pace. the impact of tomura’s clothed thighs against dabi’s raw skin was just another sensation that he could practically see the other man drowning in.

and tomura didn’t know what it was about him, his pretty eyes, his miles of tattooed skin, his long and clumsy limbs, his raspy voice and his overall demeanor, but the feelings that head built up for this man made it all the more breathtaking to watch him fall apart. and tomura couldn’t help but tell him, the camera made him more brave than he was.

“you’re pretty like this.”

“tomura, harder—”

“good boy,”

that little coo of two simple words made dabi keen, throwing his head back, long expanse of his neck exposed and just so gorgeous. tomura was going to lose it. tomura brought a hand up from dabi’s hips to his neck just to fit his hand around it. it felt dangerous, dabi so open and vulnerable for him here, opening up for tomura on film.

“you like that? you like being good for the camera? for me?”

dabi’s breathing was heavy staccato as he arched off the bed, and tomura took his over leg over his shoulder to fuck into him faster. tomura could tell he was nearing his end, hiccups of breath accentuating the way his eyes rolled back into his head at a particularly hard thrust, the drag and friction of the synthetic cock inside him too much for him to bear. he was flushed from his ears to his shoulders, a gorgeous color that tomura was currently particularly obsessed with.

“t- touch me tomura, please, i need to cum—”

“you wanna come? go on, convince me some more.”

“please, i’ll be so good tomura, give it to me, c’mon— i want it, can i? please,” he was repeating himself, so out of his own head to even produce a more intelligent answer. eventually his begging turned into these messy little moans that had tomura feening.

he sounded too pretty, and yet again tomura caved.

he swiped up some of the precum that had accumulated on dabi’s stomach (gross but effective) and started working dabi’s cock in time with his thrusts.

“cum for me, dabi, you’re allowed. you’ve been good for me, come on,” tomura coaxed the other man along as he finally reached his orgasm, spraying all over his own stomach and even managing to land some on tomura.

dabi took a while of deep breathing to finally calm down. in that time, tomura ended the stream with a warm goodbye and promise for more and went off to get tylenol, water and a rag.

wiping jizz off your fuckbuddie’s stomach wasn’t supposed to be particularly tender, but the way dabi’s eyelashes fluttered until the soft touch made tomura’s heart flutter. gross. dabi was a blushy mess, he presumed because of the other man’s prior begging and pleading for tomura’s dick.

“hey, tomu?” his words were barely above a murmur.

“hm?”

“you didn’t get off, did you?”

tomura had completely forgotten, so caught up in dabi’s pleasure and entertaining the viewers in the heat of the moment that the throbbing heat in his dick was slammed back into him at the mere mention of it.

“get yer’ ass over here,”

[the-ipre]

what's the defiance if you dont mind me asking?

hello! welcome to the infodump :3 

short answer: the crew of star wars ocs made by me, @leenik-matagot, @not-from-the-absence-of-violence, and @drowninginstarlights. they’re a rebellion punk rock band and a found family, and star wars now belongs to us basically /lh. here’s an art dump!

longer answer:

the crew!

Cres J’ones, later Cres Defiance (she/they), is my oc. Cres is the drummer, the medic, the slicer, the general jack of all trades and master of none. She’s the heart of the crew, the weed friend, one of many who is allergic to vulnerability and bonds with people through physical contact and Not Talking About It.

Marlo Shenn (he/him) is Liam’s oc. Ex empire kid, he’s a bassist and pilot and self sacrificing protector. All of his hair (including chest and beard) has been dyed blue, because him and Cres make excellent decisions, and he needs to know who he is when he looks in the mirror. 

Nova Dillman (he/she/they) is Nico’s oc. Born and raised rebel, she’s the lead singer and guitarist and captain of the ship. Life is a performance and he knows that well, but along the way she makes genuine emotional connections even so. They definitely need therapy, but he keeps killing or seducing or cucking his therapists, so.

Dash Halcard (he/him) is Jack’s oc! Yet another ex empire kid, he’s the newest addition to the crew and plays tambourine and sings harmony, and later takes over bass from Marlo for a bit. He’s been running for so long and he finally gets to stay, the missing piece that they never knew they needed. Has a gay sex tattoo (a wampa and a rancor in a heart). They’re t4t.

Longest answer! under the cut because many thoughts head full <3

Relationships:

Marlo and Cres are Best Friends™, love each other to the point of self sacrifice, will never lose each other. They’ve made a promise that they’re the only ones allowed to kill each other, and surely that won’t come back for any dramatic irony :). Genuinely though, for people who have known so little love in their pasts, choosing each other time and time again, holding on and building their friendship from the ground up and one day realizing that they don’t ever want to let go. They watch shitty holos together! They paint each others nails! They’re best friends!

Marlo and Blue (yes from Campaign Star Wars, he’s ours now) are husbands! Good for them <3. They were childhood friends, then fuckbuddies, and then they caught feelings! Uh oh!

Nova and Blue are in a QPR that started off as just fuckbuddies (because this entire universe was made because Nico and Will wanted to kiss Blue <3 gay wrongs). Blue caught feelings (uh oh!) but Nova is aro and also terrified of commitment so ! times were tough for a while! But they worked things out and it’s excellent. Nova will not give anyone a straight answer on their relationship but he made out with Blue at his and Marlo’s wedding and also Blue has ‘boytoy’ embroidered on his capelet, so.

Even outside of all that the crew of the Defiance are friends, they’re family, Dash is Marlo’s hands when his are broken and Nova and Cres are gamers and together they’re all a family, on purpose, time and time again. Life commitment! Even after the war, they stick together, they tour the galaxy, they go back to their home planets, but they always come back to one another because they’re here, alive, defiant.

Backstories:

Cres grew up as the youngest of a bunch of siblings, never the best at anything and never all that important in the grand scheme of things. When she was eighteen she left home and her planet, went to go follow rock bands around the galaxy. They met a rebel named X who seemed larger than life, finally something so real that Cres could imagine she was real right back. They started being a part of the rebellion and it was fun, it was something, they were finally a part of something, and then in a single empire attack they lost X and their leg. After that, they travelled around the rock music circuit for a couple more years, ignoring the rebellion until they broke into the same ship as two other fools.

Marlo was an empire kid, second son who took all of the hits and punishments for his older brother. He was not allowed to exist for himself, and when he tried to, falling in love and getting engaged and able to finally imagine making a life, his family killed his fiance. Marlo finally left, a ring tucked away as the only remnant of his love. His brother tried to stop him, leaving a scar over his eye, and Marlo took the lightsaber he used and made it his, finally running. [Note from Will: ‘Marlo ‘idk what platonic love is until i’m at least 19′ Shenn’]

Nova’s parents were rebels from before he was born, struggles on their home planet giving way to the galaxy wide war. She never got to be a child, always aware of the rebellion as their parents were commanders. He and his friend K’ris share a kiss before a battle that feels like a broken promise when K’ris is killed and Nova loses a part of themself to the fight, bringing destruction down against their enemy. She stays with the rebellion and her family for a few more years before leaving and becoming an independent agent, still acting as a rebel but learning how to do so outside of his parent’s immediate gaze. 

Dash grew up as an ever observed empire child, never as good at playing the role as his twin sister, Nicali. His childhood friend, Rilis, ended up leaving him behind with no warning, and he had to face the fact that they had made the choice to go without him. He acted out to the point of getting naked at an Empire gala (good for him), which was the last straw before he left. He reinvented himself as a smuggler, jumping between crews for whatever jobs there were to be had, and found himself following the music scenes more and more, looking for Rilis all the while. He found himself drawn to the Defiance, breaking onto their ship and stowing away. Good for him!

AUs:

Evil AU:

Marlo and Dash never left the empire, Marlo (Valkai in this, never having become Marlo in the first place) becoming an Inquisitor and Dash his personal fighter (and boytoy). Nova’s destruction went a bit too far at K’ris’s death in this and she left home to be a bounty hunter, working more and more for the empire. Tragedy from the inside, comedy from the outside, absolute buckets of homoeroticism, blood, and toxic polycule. Good for them!

(Cres never left home, never became anything, stayed numb and surviving and dull. A quiet desperate tragedy that she would not do anything to change. Why try to run when at the end of the day, you’re still you?)

Bad End AU:

Original Flavor- After Marlo gets kidnapped, he goes sith, loses himself to the death and bloodshed and cuts himself off from his family. When the others find him again, Cres reaches out, still sure that he’s him in there, and Valkai drives his lightsaber through their gut. She dies in his arms and he begs Nova to kill him, and they do. Dash runs, and never stops running, and Nova goes home, tells the rebellion that her friends died well. He burns the Defiance and dies on the battlefield.

Cool Ranch- Marlo stabs Cres, Nova kills Marlo, but they’re able to save Cres before she dies. Cres has to live without their best friend, knows that the friend still left is the one who killed him. Dash ran, and keeps running, and never comes back.

We also have a vampire au, knight au, pacific rim au, skyjacks au...there’s a lot <3

other fun facts!

- all of the members have the word Defy tattooed on themself somewhere (knuckles for Cres, collarbone and then hip for Marlo, wrist for Nova, heart for Dash). Fans will write Defy on themselves in sharpie before concerts

- all of the members have been kidnapped at one point or another. whoops!

- we have collectively written over 130k words in less than two months. we can not be stopped

- there are playlists for all the characters if you would like. cres’s comes with a 1.4k annotation <3

[im-a-space-gay]

Friendships DESTROYED

Gay Gamers AU. Also this is mostly unedited because I couldn’t muster up the effort to read over it.

Before Virgil went to Florida

~~~~~

“Hello everybody!” Roman said, running around the lobby. “Prince_Of_Creativity here, and today I am with the other Gay Gamers, Mor-Pal-Ity, CoolLogic101, and Anxie_Tea&Biscuits—“

“Hi!”

“Salutations.”

“‘Sup.”

“— and my brother and his crew, Duke_Of_DEATH, SneakySnekBoi, Sleepislife and Picartoons, and today we are playing Among Us. Now, I hear Snek is good at explaining things, so would you care to explain the rules?”

“Not at all. Among Us is an online game where there are four to ten players. The crewmate’s goal is to defeat the imposters, either by completing all their tasks or by voting them off. The imposter’s goal is to kill everybody they possibly can and sabotage equipment. There can be up to three imposter’s per game depending on the settings; however there will only be one imposter for this video, then the next will bump it up to two, and finally three.”

“Thank you Snek,” Roman said. “Now, let’s ruin each other’s trust, shall we?”

——

“Oh my god,” Remy groaned as Snek won. “Gurl, you always win when you’re imposter! How did we not guess sooner?”

“Don’t know, don’t care.”

“No joke, if I’m imposter next round, I’m killing you out of spite,” Remy said dead serious, and everyone laughed.

The next round started, and Virgil muted himself like everybody else before evil laughing.

“I’m the imposter! Now, over the course of the game, I have been analyzing everybody’s moves, and have a solid strategy. Nerdy, I know.”

Virgil pretended to do tasks as he explained.

“First, we’ll kill Snek, because most the time he figures out who it is lightning quick, and thanks to Remy, they’ll probably accuse him for killing Snek. So, Snek first, Remus next, and if Remy hasn’t been voted off by then, kill him, and then Emile. I’ll save the other Gay Gamers last because they have been quick to defend me the last few rounds when I was in fishy situations, and knowing them they’ll tear each other apart from the inside accusing each other. Then I’ll kill Patton, then Logan, and I’m home free.”

Virgil was quick to spin in a circle with Snek, a nonverbal way to pack together with trust before they walked away from everybody else.

“Of course, there will be other things screwing up my master plan, but oh well. It’ll end with me winning or losing, and I’m perfectly fine with either.”

They entered electrical, and Virgil killed Snek before venting to the other side of the map, where once he left the room he saw Patton and Logan together and stuck with them so he had an alibi.

A couple minutes went by before somebody found Snek’s body. Surprisingly, Remus found it and immediately shouted:

“REMY YOU SON OF A BITCH!”

“Wait wait wait babes I didn’t do it!”

“UH HUH. THEN WHY DID I FIND MY BEST FRIEND’S BODY IN ELECTRICAL OF ALL PLACES?! AND YOU THREATENED HIM LAST ROUND!”

“Okay, let’s think about how I’m not the only meme-y one—“

“I don’t know Remy that seems awfully suspicious,” Roman said accusingly.

“Dude, what about Anx—“

“HE WOULD NEVER!” Both Patton and Logan said loudly.

“Besides, he’s been with us for a while now,” Logan said, and Virgil smirked.

“Yeah Remy, I’m starting to think it might be you,” Emile said, Virgil smiling more.

“What’s Anx’s opinion?” Roman asked, and Virgil thanked his years in voice acting.

“Well, Remy does seem suspicious, but honestly we don’t have enough information for me to feel comfortable outright accusing him at this point.”

“I agree with Anxie,” Patton said, voting. “Let’s just skip this one until we have more evidence.”

They all agreed and Virgil tried not to laugh even if he was now muted, following Logan and Patton again. When there was an intersection, Virgil turned off the lights, knowing they’d be essentially useless when turning the lights back on.

He split from Logan and Patton, hoping they wouldn’t notice as he looked for Remus. It was easy enough to find him, snapping his neck before venting away. By the time he was able to kill again, he saw Remy trying to swipe his card and killed him as well before venting.

Virgil snickered. He could see it now; Remy yelling in the call for dead people while Snek laughed, Remus probably saying something crude. Remy probably going like “I told you so” as he followed Virgil, cussing loudly.

He walked around, killing Emile once he found them and actually managing to find Logan and Patton again.

It appeared Roman found a body, as a meeting was called and Patton gasped, probably at all the people dead.

“Okay, that is a LOT more dead people than I remember,” Virgil said, holding down his laughs knowing that the dead people could still hear him.

“So it’s down to us,” Roman said dramatically before continuing. “I think it’s Logan, because Patt is terrible at lying and I feel like we would know if it was Anx.”

“Actually, it’s you,” Logan said in the perfect way of saying Uno Reverse without saying Uno Reverse. “Because us three have been together since before the last time a dead body was found.”

And Virgil had to hold his hand to his mouth so he wouldn’t make any noise because one, they didn’t realize he separated from them, and two, he didn’t think about how that would affect their view of the Roman. Dear lord, he wish he grabbed popcorn.

After them arguing for a bit, Roman was voted off and he really had to not laugh at how the other two reacted.

He unmuted himself once his kill button became an option again, and he killed Logan before evil cackling as the victory screen appeared.

“OH MY GOD,” Roman shouted, as if the truth was surprising to him, which it probably was.

“ANX YOU ABSOLUTE SON OF BITCH,” Remy shouted as well, and Virgil’s evil laugh increased in volume and length as he listened to their reactions.

“You never saw it coming until it was knocking at your door!” He said like a villain once he stopped laughing.

“I gotta hand it to you, that was really awesome,” Snek said, being the calmest of the bunch. “Before you come back into the lobby, can you please explain everything to me; the strat, the outcome, everything!”

“Sure!” Virgil said, and he smirked when they all shut up, wanting to hear it for themselves. “First, I had to kill you, because you are damn good at murder mysteries. It was just really convenient that not only did you go to electrical, but Remy had threatened you last round.”

“Fucking piece of shit,” Remy mumbled.

“Then, act like I normally do, meaning I couldn’t agree that we voted Remy off, I just had to hope it happened. Shut off the lights because we’re useless fixing stuff like that, plus it gave me a chance to sneak away from Logan and Patton without them noticing. Killed Remus because he is way too reckless in voting people off meaning it was unpredictable, and Remy would most likely be voted off because Remus was the one who planted the idea in your heads that Remy was guilty.”

“Fucking. Piece. Of shit.”

“Upon realizing that nobody had found his body or turned the lights back on, I killed Remy when I found him, same method for Emile, and rejoined Logan and Patton and waited till somebody found a body.”

“Fucking simp. Leaving them and my brother alive,” Remus said, and Virgil smirked.

“Actually, it’s the other way around.”

“Huh?”

“Throughout my time of knowing and recording with the other three, I knew that they wouldn’t accuse me unless they had no choice. Therefore, I had to make them the last to go.”

“Genius,” Snek whispered in awe. “Absolute genius.”

“Honestly,” Virgil continued, ignoring the slight heat in his face. “Once somebody found a body I was going to insist to skip the vote, kill Patton, and watch the other two tear each other apart and ‘reluctantly’ side with one of them. I didn’t take into account one thing however.”

“It was just you and those three, meaning Roman was alone,” Snek said, and Virgil nodded even though he knew they wouldn’t see him.

“Yep. It was just too easy to vote Roman off and kill one of the others once I had the chance, winning my first game as imposter.”

“I feel tricked. I feel like a fiddle who’s been played with,” Roman said, utter betrayal in his voice as the other two Gay Gamers agreed. “I do not know if I could ever see or even talk to Anx the same way again.”

“Besides the utter rage I feel,” Remy said, cutting Virgil off from apologizing. “I have to admit that I am proud of little Anxie.”

“Don’t call me that,” Virgil said with utter venom, entering the lobby and running over to the other Gay Gamers. “Only Lo, Ro, and Patty can call me that.”

“Why?”

“Because you’re not as special as them,” Virgil said, smiling as he heard Emile reassure Remy he was special when he became upset.

“I take it back, this is still little innocent Anxie,” Roman said.

“Indeed. Still as harmless as ever.”

“Just a small anxious baby,” Patton finished. Virgil frowned, walking away from the others and to Snek and Remus.

“You’ve been revoked of your title of being special. You’re all evil and heartless.”

“You cannot escape us Anxie,” Roman said like a madman, following Virgil, prompting Virgil to run away, only for Roman, and soon Logan and Patton, to follow.

Virgil turned around at the last second to boop Logan before running away again.

“Tag, you’re it!”

“Oh, it is on.”

General Taglist:

@thefivecalls @antiredhuman

Gay Gamers Taglist:

@that-spider-fan-over-there @thatonerandomarmadillo

[i-want-a-bagel]

Apparently I love live reacting to things via Tumblr posts now so here's me listening to the first Lockdown Lads liveshow of 2021 as I didn't have electricity earlier (yes, bless my soul, I survived 😅 - it was very painful, but I survived)

*****

Oh god I missed their voices

I always do, they're such comfort voices, they've just been in my life on a regular basis for so many years

*****

Phil you 😂 stuck in a freakin jacket, of course

*****

Aw Wholesome Dan already! 🥰

*****

Lockdown Lads is staying, uh? I prefer that anyways

*****

Same emotional wavelength -> fucking anx--

GAY BUTTERFLY?

Phil is a gay butterfly, yes

yes, just yes

*****

Dan is alive

Phil is so awkward at phrasing things for fuck's sake

*****

We've been together for, how long?

I swear Dan was like anxious sweating there

*****

Keep sane by talking to US?

wow, lubricate, Phil? for fuck's sake

you could pick any word in the word and you picked that??

*****

Dan telling you you're not valid is something

*****

Dan thinking he can look ugly 😂

you are so wrong boy

*****

undressed and unfiltered 👀

*****

Dan and Phil force us to witness their insanity - The Show

(that's my pitch)

*****

THE DIL HEAD

*****

ah yes, the snow penis

I had FORGOTTEN, DAN how dare you bring that back

"As a gay, maybe you're more likely to recognize a penis" what the hell

*****

Ladydoor Liveshow, yeah okay, I can accept that 😂

*****

Dan, you CANNOT remind us of your fucking penis drawing then say we cannot mention Ladydoor

dude

*****

IS THIS JOINT CONTENT?

yeah, DAN, is THIS joint content?

*****

Phil holds the key to Dan's sanity

and he threw it into a ditch never to be seen again

they feed off each other's madness

*****

Hello, my name is [Dan and Phil Dan]

*****

Chaotic Companions? CCs?

*****

They still don't know when they'll move? fuck that sucks, I can just imagine how stressful that is

*****

Box Boys -> VAGINAL ENERGY?

Dan what the fuck

"what are the rules?" good question

*****

Dan, no one can expect you not to swear

in a Cards Against Humanity video

*****

honestly, vaginal energy is much worse than any swear you could conjure

*****

So Tuesday is Dan's day and Thursday is Phil's day right?

oh wow I finished typing it and Dan just says it, I'm a genius 😂

*****

"Me and Phil just wanna complain about what we hate about each other"

I'm sorry, how is this different from every single video you've ever made before???

*****

so, "video call that went wrong" stories

*****

I would go crazy if I lived with Phil so props to Dan for not murdering him in his sleep

*****

"The home invasion incident" ?????????? what the fuuck

YOU LEFT THE DOOR OPEN?? PHIL!!!

"sometimes it takes an hour to get it" ???? your food usually comes in less than an hour????? wow, lucky you

Guy came IN the house? what the fuck

I mean, I guess if the door is open, they could think you want them to come in, I know a lot of handicapped / physically impaired people do that, but COVID

"Phil was shook" understandable

"You gave him a tip to say 'thank you for making me shit myself'" 😂

*****

"Freak comedy big sister" my goal in life, as the eldest of three

*****

my favourite part of the beard filter story is that they were together joining the meeting on one computer

*****

Phil getting angry at 13 year olds on the internet : you need to find other hobbies / games, Phil

and Dan being a chill gamer just makes so much sense

*****

I live for chaotic cat content

*****

Dan is being such a little shit

"no, youuuu"

*****

Dan's Dan and Phil's desires to lick things is

uh

*****

HIT THE CLUB?? boomer confirmed

*****

Dan's laugh! my soul is fixed

*****

Dan: "oh, I feel mean" *continues anyway*

Phil is 100% a boomer Karen

Phil asking Dan what it means 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

*****

Phil has boomer camera skills -> none

*****

"no to the body pillow"

ironically

bitch,

*****

"same"

*longest silent ever in a Dan and Phil content"

😂

*****

Dan trying to fuck things up for Phil before calls like they used to do before going on stage during ii 😭😂

*****

Sorry Phil, but the emo hair died like 5 years before you changed your hair

*****

upward scissoring is actually the technic, yes

*****

Straightness? not here honey 😉

❤️🧡💛💚💙💜

*****

a lawyer bad mouthing a judge

in front of the judge

😫😫😫😫😫

*****

I would have gotten out of the taxi, so I can fully support giving that guy a bad review

*****

Phil is me 100% with the fucking social anxiety, but I also have Dan's "fuck no" attitude, and it causes me so much fucking stress

*****

The teacher did the Phil thing!

egg-y vinegar catastrophe

(props to that teacher teaching online, it is FUCKING difficult and takes SO MUCH MORE TIME than in-person lessons and it's a very different dynamic, congrats to everyone who managed to convert their teaching and make the best of these conditions ❤️ love you fellow educators!)

*****

the planets lining up for Phil's ass to show up in Dan's zoom is 100% the chaotic energy these two create

*****

"Oh Dan, he's just weird like that, randomly screaming to hide his partner's naked ass"

*****

I agree with Dan, I would NOT connect if I had to turn on my camera to listen to this

Everything should be a phone call, Zoom IS horrible

Podcasts and radio shows are where it's at

*****

Dan's day's last segment

for next week: what would Dan ban?

"sand" 😂😂😂 I actually laughed out loud, congrats Phil!

Dan you little shit "but Phil, do you love the sea?"

*****

// sidenote: I need the sand for the seaside, and I HATE bugs and grass is full of it, I 100% agree with Dan here, sorry Phil

*****

Phil wants some more interactions before they conclude

*****

Concrete beach sounds awesome tbh

*****

they're COLLABORATING on the house and sharing the space 😭❤️

that's so cute

that is such an equal relationship, they're so cute

*****

Phil stop bringing it back to sand 😂😂 Phil just wants to keep saying he hates sand

*****

next time is Phil Day

gamenight! ("wot IS game night?!")

*****

They 100% saw we all want the cube didn't they?

the cube is the selling point

*****

Dan thanking us for being there as if we haven't been desperately begging for a sign of life for the last two years

❤️ we love you, man

*****

that was just so lovely???

so chill and sweet and funny and domestic???

they just sound radiate so much happiness and love and wholesomeness

with Covid canceling everything, I had nothing to look forward to, but now, i've got there

and twice a week, we are so fucking lucky

They can't even begin to understand the impact this, and all the future ones I'm sure, has on my mental health and the well being of so many people

thank you so much, foreign dads, for this ❤️

[cryptidshuffle]

the less we say about it the better - chp 1

ao3

Rating: Teen Fandom: Half-Life VR But The AI Is Self Aware Relationships: Tommy Coolatta & Gordon Freeman, Tommy Coolatta/Gordon Freeman (pre relationship) Additional Tags: Hurt/Comfort, Post-Canon, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Temporary Character Death(its benrey dont worry hes ok), meta about deaths and respawns, arguing about the rules of uno, gay pining, Mutual Pining, fellas is it gay to comfort ur friend who u love and are both boys?, also fair warning it'll eventually be a poly ship with benrey, Autistic Character, Autistic Tommy, ADHD Gordon, everyone is gay and trans, Other Additional Tags to Be Added

Summary: “after everything we’ve been through we deserve a few mental break downs.” they are trying to recover after black mesa, but recovery is hard. especially when one of you is still dead

---------------

They had been out of Black Mesa for a few weeks now. It was difficult trying to acclimate to life after the incident, but they were all making it work.

The science team had gotten together for some sort of game night, something cathartic about being around others who share the same trauma. Anyways, snacks and Uno was just as chaotic as one would imagine with this group of chucklefucks, with competitive tensions high on the last round of the night.

“You can’t stack the draw 4 cards, Gordon,” Bubby argued, smacking Gordon’s hand just as he placed the card.

“Says who?”

“It’s literally against the fucking rules of the game,” Bubby said back.

Tommy agreed with, “It is in the official rules, Mr. Freeman, they- Mattel confirmed it on Twitter.”

“But that’s dumb!” Gordon argued back, “I’ve always played where you can stack those, why change that now?"

Bubby retorted, “Well maybe you’ve always been playing wrong, huh? Ever thought about that, smartass?”

Dr. Coomer chimed in with, “Well on the official page for Uno (card game) on Wikipedia, the free online encyclopedia that anyone can edit, it states that

The following official house rules are suggested in the Uno rulebook, to alter the game:

Progressive Uno: If a draw card is played, and the following player has the same card, they can play that card and "stack" the penalty, which adds to the current penalty and passes it to the following player.[4](Although a +4 cannot be stacked on a +2, or vice versa.)[6] This house rule is so commonly used that there was widespread Twitter surprise in 2019 when Mattel stated that stacking was not part of the standard rules of Uno.[6]”

“Well, there you have it,” Gordon exclaims, interrupting Coomer’s Wikipedia infodump, “Just because it’s a house rule doesn’t mean it’s not a legitimate way of playing."

“What if I don’t want to play with that rule, that’s fuckin stupid,” Bubby grumbles.

“Jesus ok, I'll play a different card, happy?” Gordon says dejectedly, taking back his controversial draw 4 card for a more innocuous one. “It’s your turn anyways.”

Bubby throws down his last card onto the pile. “I win fuckers!!!! Ahahahahaha!"

“You wouldn’t have won if you let me stack the fucking cards,” Gordon said as he threw his losing card pile onto the coffee table.

“Don’t fret Gordon! Bubby is just extremely good at card games,” Dr. Coomer replied.

“You're forgetting I’m a goddamn genius, that extends to my sick-ass Uno skills,” Bubby bragged.

Gordon chuckled, watching the two older scientists get up to leave, and watching Tommy remain, quietly cleaning up the uno deck into neat piles to place in its box.

“Well gentlemen, it’s been fun, though I think it’s time Bubby and I better get going!” Dr. Coomer said.

“No problem, don’t want you two to be late for your old man early-bird breakfast at Golden Corral tomorrow!” Gordon teased.

“Shut the fuck- I’ll kick your ass,” said Bubby.

“Hello Gord- Actually our old man breakfast is not until Saturday! It’s the one day a week I let loose and unhinge my jaws at the buffet like a Burmese Python!” said Dr. Coomer as Bubby grabs his coat and keys.

“That sounds absolutely horrifying,” Gordon laughs.

“It really is,” says Bubby. “Well, see you later asshole,” Bubby says, herding himself and Coomer out the front door.

“See you guys later,” Gordon says.

“Goodbye, Gordon! Goodbye, Tommy,” Coomer also says, before they leave Gordon’s apartment.

Tommy had yet to get up to leave, he stayed sitting in his seat staring into space, and fiddling with the Uno card deck.

“Hey Tommy, you alright man?” he asked gently. At the mention of his name, he was shaken a bit out of his stupor.

“Y-yeah I'm fine Mr. Freeman, why do you ask?”

“I mean you were kinda just staring into space for a bit, and you didn’t say anything when Bubby and Coomer left.”

“Oh shit. Sorry about that, I’ll get out of your hair,” Tommy said, starting to move to leave.

Gordon placed a hand on Tommy’s shoulder. “Hey, if something’s bothering you, just know I’m here if you wanna talk about it,” Gordon comforted.

Tommy blushed slightly at the contact and nodded.

“Thank you. I-uh… I’ve just been thinking about things that happened back in Black Mesa and, you know,” he pauses to think for a bit, and sighs, “honestly I’ve been thinking a lot about Benrey.”

Just at the mention of him, Gordon felt his stomach drop with the weight of too many emotions.

“Yeah...I uh… I understand,” he responds with a sad sigh, “anything in particular you’re thinking about him?”

“I don’t know just kind of- Earlier I started thinking about how much he would enjoy game night. And then I started to miss him and realize that- that he’s not here. I feel guilty about killing him and upset at what he did. He was still my friend and I just- I want to know why he did what he did. I just want to understand,” Tommy said.

Gordon looked away as he thought about his own emotions regarding Benrey. He was undeniably angry with him, for getting him ambushed by the bootboys, for getting his arm cut off, frustrated with the constant taunting. Yet… he also felt guilty for some reason and he couldn’t quite place why. Gordon really didn’t want to feel guilty.

“Yeah…” Gordon sighed, “I'll be honest I do feel guilty about it too. I don’t know why because I feel like it should be justified since he did try to kill us. But there were times when him pestering me about my arm felt like… like sincere questioning? I still… I don’t know.”

“Yeah… I think-” Tommy cut himself off, staring at a fixed point in his vision, trying to decide whether or not to bring this up.

“I don’t think Benrey understood how human mortality worked.”

Well, that wasn’t what Gordon expected. “What do you mean?”

“Well, he was from Xen, Mr. Freeman, he wasn’t human. It was different for him. You remember he did die several times, but he came back eventually. He had to wait for his form to regenerate.”

“Wait-” this time Gordon cut Tommy off, “Oh shit, that wasn’t a joke?  For some reason I just assumed his talking about respawns and shit was part of his Epic Gamer bit?”

“I mean it was a little but I think… there’s probably a reason Benrey attached himself to video games so much, yeah? He can see himself in the structure. Like, uh- something he can relate to.” Tommy says. “It doesn’t excuse what- what he did, but I feel like knowing why things happened makes- makes them more understandable.”

Gordon leaned back on the couch blown away by the revelation. In hindsight it wasn’t that surprising but it took him a few seconds to come to terms with the reality.

“Yeah, when you put it that way, I guess it does make a lot of sense. Wait though, I swear to god all of you have died at least once, but you guys aren’t from Xen?” Gordon said, now confused about the seeming metanarrative of the mortality of his friends.

“Yeah, but those were weird Black Mesa things, Mr. Freeman,” Tommy said, not elaborating any more than that.

Gordon waited a beat for Tommy to explain more but he said all he needed to.

“I will ask you more about that later, but I do not have the energy to unpack all that right now,” Gordon said with a gentle laugh.

“Wait, getting back on topic real quick, why couldn’t Benrey just... respawn now? Did we really get him that good?”

Tommy looked incredibly sad when Gordon said this, and he regretted it immediately.  ‘Damn it Gordon, Tommy’s clearly upset about Benrey, you don’t gotta be an insensitive dick.’

“Well Mr. Freeman, that’s kinda why I’ve been thinking about him,” Tommy said, “I’m not sure. It shouldn’t have taken him this long to respawn. Depending on the amount of damage it takes longer but… It’s been a while and what if- What if he is back but he is mad at all of us and that’s why we haven’t seen him? Or what if it is taking a really long time because we hurt him a whole lot. Or what if we…”

Tommy got quiet for a few seconds, the silence in the room was deafening. For an instance Gordon felt as if making a sound would shatter the air like glass.

Tommy finally said with a whisper, voice thick with choking back tears, “What if we killed him for good? And I don’t- I never see him again?”

It honestly broke Gordon’s heart how distraught Tommy was. Pushing his own complicated Benrey feelings aside, he was gonna focus on Tommy here and now.

“…Tommy, is it ok if I hug you, man?” Gordon couldn’t think of the best way to comfort the other man with words, but physical comfort he could do.

Tommy looked a little surprised at this ask but nodded. Gordon leaned in to hug the other scientist and Tommy collapsed in his embrace, completely breaking down.

Gordon just sat there and held him as Tommy sobbed into his shoulder, trying to comfort the crying man by rubbing circles into his back.

Gordon’s brain processed the things Tommy had said. Was Benrey really gone? Why did he feel guilty about the idea of having killed Benrey, he was fine with the concept during the final boss fight on Xen but now… the thought made him feel… sad? Regretful? Even his seemingly rational justifications didn’t seem as clear at the moment, only thinking of his fonder memories with Benrey.

‘Fuck this,’ he thought as he felt his own tears well up, ‘this isn’t about me, I need to focus on being there for Tommy,’ pushing his own feelings to the back of his mind to be dealt with later.

Tommy eventually calmed down enough where his sobs turned into sniffles, and he started to pull away from the hug.

“S – sorry for having a – a breakdown on your- on your couch Mr. Freeman,” Tommy said, the post-crying mental fog making his stuttering more noticeable. Tommy didn’t really have the effort in him to care.

“Don’t worry about it, man, after everything we’ve been through we deserve a few mental breakdowns,” Gordon joked trying to lighten the mood.

“Oh, that was nothing, Mr. Freeman, in terms of mental breakdowns that was as mild as a first-grade pizza party in the eye of a hurricane,” Tommy compared in a way that made little sense to Gordon, yet ridiculous enough to cause the man to burst out laughing.

“Alright I’ll take your word for it,” Gordon said, still laughing.

“I’m serious Mr. Freeman, once you have a meltdown so intense that you accidentally teleport yourself to an inter-dimensional void, the rest is a cake walk at the school fair,” Tommy said.

“Waitwaitwait- teleport?” he leaned back to look at him in surprise, “Since when could you fuckin teleport!” Gordon asked caught off guard.

“You know, learned some things from my Dad,” Tommy said, again failing to further explain himself.

“…Well alright. Yeah that tracks.”

Gordon was quiet for a moment before responding with, “You know, Tommy, I want you to know I’m here for you if you need anyone to talk to. You were there for me when I was at my lowest in Black Mesa, and I wanna be that friend to you if you need it,” he said giving the other scientists hand a comforting squeeze.

Tommy smiled, “Thank you, that means a lot Mr. Freeman.”

“You know you can call me Gordon, you don’t have to be so formal all the time Dr. Coolatta,” he teased.

Tommy blushed, ‘dammit why did he have to be so cute?’

“Wow Mr. Fr – Gordon are you really gonna make fun of my doctorate that I worked very hard for,” Tommy teased back, still a bit sniffly from crying.

“Dude, I cannot imagine you in college for some reason, what was your doctorate even in” asked Gordon, semi-jokingly, but still a bit serious.

Tommy laughed a bit, wiping the remaining tears away with the back of his hand. “Bio-chemical engineering. Creating Sunkist was for my thesis project.” Normally Tommy would be more then willing to infodump about the topic but he found his energy to be draining fast.

“What the fuck, that’s cooler than mine was. Us nerds in the Theoretical Physics department didn’t do any crazy shit like that,” Gordon said.

“Bold of you to assume I was a nerd, G-Gordon. I was the craziest guy in the frat house,” Tommy said.

Gordon’s memory vaguely recalls Tommy’s insistence that he “do something crazy” when drinking Darnold’s Potion of Grow Gun Arm.

“You know what, yeah, surprisingly I can see that image vividly in my head,” Gordon said. “Real talk though…” he said changing the subject and putting his hand on Tommy’s shoulder, “Are you- uh, ok? Like feeling better?”

Tommy was quiet for a second, eyes flickering down to look at his fidgeting hands in his lap, before replying with, “I’m ok. N-not great, I don’t think, but I will be.”

Gordon nodded. “Tommy, if there’s one nugget of wisdom that I have to share, it’s that healing takes time, things usually turn out to be ok in the end. No matter what’s going on with Benrey…it'll be alright, I’m sure.” Gordon patted his shoulder for emphasis, “not the best advice out there but it’s the best I can come up with straight off the dome. And I don’t wanna seem like I didn’t try to help you out."

Tommy laughed gently, “Thank you Mr. Fr- uh, thank you Gordon. You did help. Even if- if your advice was a bit cheesy.”

“Whatever man, you can’t blame me for trying,” Gordon laughed, playfully shoving Tommy where his hand had previously rested on the other man’s shoulder. Tommy laughed in return. He only noticed the warmth of Gordon’s touch once it was gone.

Tommy absentmindedly noticed the time on the wall clock in Gordon’s apartment. Jesus, 11:30? When did it get so late? The older scientist really hoped he wasn’t overstaying his welcome; While he would love to just stay here and joke around, he had already bothered Mr. Freeman enough and was already exhausted.

“I- I’m probably gonna head back home now, I didn’t realize how late it was,” Tommy said, standing up from his spot next to Gordon.

Gordon nodded. He had the passing thought of offering for Tommy to stay but… maybe that was a step too far. ‘Tommy probably wants his space,’ Gordon rationalized to himself.

He nodded, “Alright, don’t let me keep you,” he said, getting up as well to help Tommy gather his belongings. Which, to be honest Tommy didn’t bring much but some snacks for the group, but Gordon just needed an excuse to do anything.

Gordon walked Tommy to the front door of his apartment, like the good host he was, opening the door for him.

“Thanks for coming over Tommy,” he said.

Tommy nodded. “Thank- thank you again for letting me talk about Benrey, I know it was kinda rough there at the end, but if you ever need to talk about anything… I'm here for you as well.”

Gordon smiled, “Thank you Tommy, I'll keep that in mind.”

Tommy smiled in return, “Have a good night G-Gordon,” he said turning to head to his car.

“Goodnight Tommy.” Gordon turns to head back inside, but before he does, he can’t resist one more jab.

“Thought you could teleport?” he calls out teasingly.

Tommy flips him off, which causes Gordon to laugh harder. “Gives me a headache,” Tommy called back, trying and failing keep a straight face.

Gordon laughs as he waves a final goodbye, turning back inside and closing the door after Tommy waves as well. His thoughts race as he gets ready for bed, trying to ignore his fluttering heartbeat as he lays down for the night.

Tommy shuffles his thoughts in his head as he drives home. The emotional rollercoaster of his already draining social interaction meter from the science team, his Benrey guilt, and his small crush on Gordon was just too much for one day. His hands clench and unclench the steering wheel, looking forward to collapsing in bed for the night, hoping his dad won’t notice he'd been crying.

Somewhere, in an interdimensional void far away from this reality, someone begins to shift awake.