#hi hi happy friday! have a gr8 day friends

[inkykeiji]

*me, grabbing you by the lapels and shaking you gently* touya’s ice is not a quirk awakening!!! it is, more or less, a hysterical strength thing!!! aaaaAAAAAAAAAH

[queerlyglittering]

LETTER BOY UPDATE

ok! This is long overdue lmao. but until the other day I was feeling a bit mopey and sad and also just generally tired and didn’t wanna talk about it BUT THEN  E X T R E M E L Y  LONG POST AHEAD

so lemme see where I last left off re: Letter Boy.... ok so like, to recap: there for a while we’d barely been talking. He didn’t have time to write to me most of the time, and then half the time when we did write to each other our letters kept getting lost in the mail, etc etc. I know I’d been like pretty obsessive over the whole letter-writing thing for a while so I thought I’d been pushing him away and like at one point I wrote him a goodbye letter? Like I was really out here like “I’m so sorry for bothering you so much, I’ll leave you alone now” like what sort of passive-aggressive bitchy monster lmao. And then eventually I was like nah fuck that, that’s not ok and I’m not leaving things like that, so I wrote him an apology and we kinda got back to talking a bit. And then he finally wrote me back! And his letter was deeply personal and emotional and I cried! He came out as ace! He told me he loved me! The absolute drama of it all! (Which it turns out, at that point he didn’t mean it in terms of like, romantic love, just like... he really cared about me as a person and was glad that he felt comfortable to write about his experiences re: being ace to me and it was sort of cathartic. BUT THEN!) So I wrote back almost immediately, telling him that I loved him too and that he was valid and shit lmao. That was all back in late May/early June I think... tbh I don’t remember what happened over the summer, lemme go back and reread our messages? b/c I know neither of us has physically written to the other since then.  Ok so we messaged a bit about potentially meeting up at a Pride festival, either there in Houston or up in Dallas, but the timing just generally didn’t work out in our favor for either event, so we wound up not going. And then we kinda sporadically messaged each other here and there, usually when he was stressed with school or I was stressed with work, etc, but we barely talked off and on for a couple months. Then I started my current job, and my sleep cycle got outta whack for a few weeks, and that’s when things started to get interesting again lmao

ok so sometime near the end of August, he had like a minor depressive episode or something in the middle of the night and messaged me at like 4 am saying he felt “gross and sad” and I slept through that because it was Saturday but I wound up waking up at like 6:30 out of habit from getting up for work, and I ended up calling him and we talked for a while and I vented about some stuff in my life too and then we both went back to sleep lmao. And after that things got a little more active in terms of communication; like y’all know me, I’m a Needy Bitch, so of course I wound up messaging him like once every couple days or so whenever I started to miss him and needed Attention. Like it kinda started with a tarot reading I got, just a standard past/present/future 3-card reading, but she pulled the Lovers for my present, so I mean.... and basically she said something about there being a person in my life whom I had feelings for, and who reciprocated those feelings, but there was a communications disconnect, and the relationship was getting to a point where it could begin to go stale, and that we shouldn’t block ourselves off from progress. After that reading I reached out and messaged him again, and we ended up literally speaking every day for a week. Like I think I’d made a post about that on here about not messaging him for the 8th day in a row and thought I was exaggerating but then I went back and counted and IT ACTUALLY WAS THE 8TH DAY, WOW AUDREY, YOU’RE OFFICIALLY ANNOYING. So I tried to get better about leaving him alone lmao but I started messaging him a bunch of stuff about my singing, because my old community had a brief resurgence in September. and he said he wanted to sing something with me someday and I’m 🥰🥰

So then at one point I had mentioned coming down to Houston for the weekend of the SFA/Sam Houston State game (which was last weekend, 10/5-6) with my friend, and ditching the game to hang out with him instead. I kinda let the subject drop for a couple weeks because at that point it was almost a month out and I wasn’t 100% sure I was gonna be able to go so I didn’t want to get both our hopes up. But then work started being really shitty and dicking me around about my schedule change that was supposed to have happened once I got out of training, and my home life wasn’t gr8 either, so I kinda latched onto that weekend trip as like a bright spot, or something to hope for. Something to keep me going. And he’d basically forgotten about it, which is fine, except I wound up springing it back on him at the last minute lmao. But then my friend who I was supposed to go with (because I can’t drive so she was gonna drive us down there) was like ‘nah I’m not going to the game, I have no money for tickets.’ So I was like well shit, there goes my happy thing. And I talked to her about it and basically begged her to just go down to Houston for the weekend anyway, I’d get us a hotel and everything, because I needed this. So she was like ‘alright, look at hotels.’ But then HER friend got very sick, like in-the-hospital having-mysterious-seizures sick, and she went to go stay with her in the hospital for a few days because the girl’s husband was being a dick about it (it turned out to just be an infection from a contact lens that got stuck in her eye and like melted??? idk. but it was BAD AND SCARY). But that was like Wednesday-Friday of the week we were supposed to go to Houston on that weekend and I wasn’t sure she’d be up to going. So I asked last minute if she still wanted to go or if I should cancel the hotel (not realizing that it was too late to cancel it anyway lmao RIP) and she said ‘ok sure but I wanna bring my kid, since I’ve been away from her for 3 whole days.’ I was like that’s fine, I already thought you were gonna bring her lol. So we wound up going down there on Saturday but we left a bit later than we’d meant to, and by the time we got to town, Letter Boy was already at work. So I missed him that day. The three of us (me, friend & kiddo) wound up swimming in the hotel pool and then ordering Chinese takeout for dinner so that was pretty fun. 

Then the next day, Sunday! Letter Boy called as we were checking out of the hotel to try and figure out what the plan was, where we could meet up, etc. We decided to meet at the mall nearby, since it was an easy landmark for all parties, and we could find each other pretty easily there. He took me (and my friend and her kid, though apparently that wasn’t the plan, and he would’ve preferred to spend time with just me; she even gave me the option to not have the two of them meet us at the restaurant and I decided not to take it because i was a nervous anxious coward lmao) out to lunch at this Korean place in town, where he loves to eat. We played a few rounds of a card game and talked and ate and it was great fun. Then he had to bail and go to work, and we had an interesting goodbye because I’d been out here trying to respect his personal space and all because from what he’d said in his coming-out letter, it sounded very much like he was touch-averse - but then he hugged me goodbye? and kept coming back for more hugs?! like “one more? ok just one more? and one more?” like nonstop for a good five minutes lmao. I was a bit confused but I loved it (my primary love language is physical touch; hugs are my kryptonite. And he gives AMAZING hugs. like I may have even actually dreamed about his hugs before I ever got to experience one, but that’s whole other post lol). Anyway so after that my friend and I went to hang out at her brother’s in-laws’ place because they lived in the area lol. Letter Boy had asked me to message him once I got there, so I did. I told him I wished I could’ve spent more time with him one-on-one, and he said “well if you’re still in town maybe you can sneak away when I get my break later” So I basically said hell yes, just tell me where to meet you, lol. We wound up meeting up at Starbucks and getting coffee and continuing to talk and hang out for the half hour of his break, and he really didn’t want to leave when it was time for him to go. Like he actually contemplated kidnapping me and bringing me to work with him lmao. If my ride hadn’t already been on her way, I would’ve gone with him in a heartbeat. I didn’t want to leave either. And he told me he loved me again!  🥰🥰🥰 It was sappy and sweet and just aghhhh <3

So that was a week ago today! And there’s been some interesting developments since then too. Starting off with that Sunday night when I got home, I’d had too much coffee (starbucks messed up my order and had to remake it so I ended up drinking both lmao, big mistake). So I was over-caffeinated and v emotional and couldn’t sleep so I started writing out all my anxious confused feelings in letter form, and wound up just linking Letter Boy to the Google Doc I’d been writing in. This was at almost 2 AM. Apparently I woke him up and he read it and replied to me over messenger and basically we talked about how like. when he first said he loved me in the letter, he didn’t necessarily mean it in a romantic context but it was definitely more than just platonic and he wasn’t sure how to quantify that. But now that we’d met in person, and got to spend some actual time together, he felt a little differently and that he was “not 100% sure but WAAAY more than 50% sure” that he loved me romantically, because partially because he’s ace, he’s just kinda unsure about romantic relationships in general and he’s reluctant to commit to them because the sex thing always becomes an issue. I reassured him that I completely understand and respect his orientation and would never ask him to change that aspect of himself or do anything that would make him uncomfortable, and he seemed immensely relieved. At this point I’m honestly not even sure how much of his feelings are genuinely for/about me, and how much of them are just some sort of general euphoria at having someone basically validate his orientation and his existence, because he’d spent so long being mocked and tormented by friends and lovers alike, and basically just feeling broken and worthless. And I completely understand that reaction. I’m not even sure I care if that’s all this is, if it comes down to it; I’m happy to be here to love and support him and make sure he never feels less than whole and valid again, no matter my context in his life. I just want him to be happy. I’d love to be the one who makes him happy, but if ultimately that is not my part in his life, then so be it. I’m at peace with it.

Anyway so that was Sunday night, we talked a little bit on Monday and Tuesday and then like,, nothing at all for a few days? And so of course my immediate instinct is that I came on too strong and pushed him away, just because he doesn’t want to talk to me every day?? so I got all mopey and sad and weird, because I thought I’d scared him off and lost him and idk. Also I was in a funk b/c my hormones are being wacky this week; I don’t really get periods per se with my IUD, but sometimes I’ll get phantom cramps and/or mood swings, etc. but this past week i’ve been spotting and cramping AND moody af, so that’s been fun. So I’d been all weird and sad and shit, and thinking he didn’t want to talk to me = he didn’t want me, and I was so paranoid and afraid because I still think this whole thing is too good to be true and I can’t trust it. I know it’s silly and far too early to be serious and it’ll never last and probably won’t end well. I know that it’s fun and easy and idealistic and won’t stand up to reality or practicality, when it eventually has to face them. So I’ve been bracing myself for that ending ever since it began. And I know three days isn’t very long, but after having a whole conversation about how we love each other, and how we love each other, it felt like an eternity. BUT THEN!!!!!!!!!

So ok, we did talk briefly on Friday, in passing. but it was a very short little conversation; the only major thing to come out of it was a further confirmation that yes, he’s serious about coming up here to see me. BUT THEN Saturday night (10/12), he got home from seeing Eric Andre perform live, and he was hanging out with his sister and drinking and generally being a goof, and he messaged me! UPDATE: It’s now sunday 10/20 and I’m still writing this. idk it’s been a lot, everything else in my life has been rough lately, idk. im not feeling as positively about this as i was before, but i’ll keep writing the update. I’ve written too much

SO! Anyway. he came home from the comedy show thing, and he was hanging out with his sister watching some Japanese reality show and drinking, and he messaged me out of the blue. Funny thing I’ve noticed is that he doesn’t generally reach out to me first and he’s not too expressive generally but whenever he’s intoxicated in some way, be it alcohol or pot or even benadryl, he gets really effusively, gushily mushy and sweet. So on this occasion he was drunk, or at least tipsy, and that means he was being extra affectionate and dumb lmao. He started out telling me about his night and then hit me with the “I wish you were heeeerrrrreeeeeeee” lol. And he said something about how one day when he graduates, we should get a place together, where we can “be non-binary and own our dreams” (the second time he’s mentioned possibly being nonbinary to me - or possibly third time, he said something in passing about being confused about gender roles, in a context that implied ‘in relation to himself.’ meanwhile I haven’t actually said anything at all to him about me being nonbinary, he just kinda assumed b/c i have a rly butch-y looking haircut rn lmao. but like.. he ain’t wrong tho 😂 so that’s a conversation that we need to actually have sometime.) He was like “it’s sorta romantic that you live up there and I live down here and we’re so far apart and we have to just kinda pine after each other basically” and i was like oh good, I’m not the only one pining lmao. But then he asked me to come with him when he moves to Japan to teach English there, sometime after he finishes his degree. Which like, I wish I could go with him, and I know that if we’re still talking at that point/especially if we actually get together, it’s gonna be hard to be that far away from him and I’m gonna miss him. But it’s just eminently not practical. I don’t have any college degree and I don’t speak a lick of Japanese, there’s no way I can teach English with him; and there aren’t many other jobs there for Americans. And he won’t be making enough to support both of us on a teacher’s salary, i know that much. So that’s where I start to get a bit disillusioned. Like I know it was just a drunk suggestion out of a desperation to not be apart anymore, and despite the fact that a drunk mouth often speaks sober thoughts, I know better than to assume that either of those offers to live together were any kind of a promise, and I have no intention to hold him to either of them. But in the moment I very much got my hopes up and I let myself get really excited and I regret that now lmao because like I knew even then that it wasn’t real. and now i’m just sorta disappointed because I’ve had to confront the fact that he’s very much a daydreamer and I, for all my delusional fantasizing, am at heart more practical than that. I don’t like to hope for things that I know can’t happen, because it’s just setting myself up for future devastation. And he just wants to hope and wish for everything, and maybe some of it will come true and maybe some of it won’t, and he just sort of seems unbothered by either outcome. For all my hopeless romanticism and my overemotional nature, I can’t bring myself to do that, to hope without expectation. I don’t know how. it’s so antithetical to my understanding of the world. And it just serves to highlight another of the many ways in which we are almost complete opposites - which isn’t a bad thing! but it can make some things harder. like handling distance, or hoping for the future, or just communication in general.

but anyway! back to drunken happiness lmao. he started saying really sappy shit like how he wants to be there for me when I’m feeling down, and he wants to have big dumb fights with me just so he can make it up to me with a big grand gesture like flowers or edible arrangements or something. and then he wrote me a drunken limerick and it was actually surprisingly good and really cute lmao. and he said he wanted to cuddle me. and then we got into a mini-fight over which one of us was cuter lmao. and he called me queen and said that he just wants to like. make me food and take care of me and stuff lol. and that he doesn’t even HAVE a type but somehow I am exactly his type? which is still fucking me up, that’s the sweetest shit i’ve ever heard. (because i know what he means, he’s dated around quite a bit with different types and genders of people and stuff because he didn’t really know how to handle his asexuality and of course the myth is that you just haven’t found the right person yet, so he just kept trying and feeling broken and then here I am, the first person he’s found to be accepting and understanding of that part of him, and still want him and care for him and be all lovey-dovey and shit with him, and he just wants me to be happy in return.) meanwhile I of course have several types, including different types for girls and guys etc, but he’s hitting all my boxes - tall, handsome in a kind of adorkable way, smart, funny, sarcastic, sweet, patient, sensitive, similar tastes in media and similar political alignments, queer. plus he’s just cute as fuck. like out of my league cute lmao but again, that’s exactly my type OTL so like I told him that, and that I just wanna like. hold him and be with him and help him be successful in whatever he wants in life. and he freaked out and was like ugh you should just come here rn i’ll hide you under my bed if i have to and i was like i wish i could :( and he was like THAT’S NOT GOOD ENOUGH AUDREY COME HERE and i was like OK IM LEAVING ON FOOT SEE U IN 3 DAYS and it was funny. and we flung a bunch of heart emojis at each other. and then he made a passing reference to his mood swings and i kinda ended up ignoring it because i sent a message at the same time but in my head i was like boy have you even MET me, 1. the swings have always been my favorite piece of playground equipment, 2. i’ve got mood swings down to a fine art, and 3. i’m more worried about whether you can handle mine. i’m pretty sure i can take yours in stride lmao. and then there was more talk of cuddling, and HE STARTED HEART REACTING ALL MY MESSAGES and i’m just like WTF STOP IT THAT IS THE CUTEST SHIT <3333 and then he sent me a dollar by accident? and I sent him the “i love you bitch, i ain’t never gonna stop loving you bitch” vine lmao

and apparently this whole time he was still sitting around with his sister? lmao because he said she told him she approved of me after i sent that vine 😂 and she apparently likes my hair! which is good lol (reminder I need to post some pics of it on here, I posted selfies to fb but i don’t think i’ve posted on here yet). his sister is also bi lmao and seems cool in general (and also from what i’ve seen creeping her fb, she’s REALLY GORGEOUS, like it runs in the family, these fuckers should be models, it’s ridiculous really) so having her approval is v nice. like at least one member of his family approves of me! now to work on the rest 😂😂 and then he was talking about he was gonna get high also (despite being already drunk) and i was joking with him about bogarting the weed and he was like “when we live together I’ll share my weed with you” lmao but he said it with such certainty, like it was just a given. not an if, but a when. which threw me for enough of a loop. But then he started in on this fantasy scenario where like it’s late at night and we can’t sleep so he makes me sushi by hand, and we feed each other with our chopsticks (he was impressed that I already knew how to use them lmao) and we sit on the couch arm in arm watching reruns of cheers and laughing way too loudly and fall asleep in each other’s arms as the sun comes up outside but we don’t have anything to do the next day so it’s ok. and it was the sweetest most romantic shit I’ve literally ever heard in my LIFE, like it sounds like actual heaven and i was crying happy tears at this point lmao. just 🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰 like in that moment i felt so fucking loved i couldn’t even speak and y’all know i’m never speechless, i literally can’t fucking shut up most of the time lmao. and like at that point his phone was dying so he went to plug it in and go to bed and I did the same because it was like 2:30 in the morning but i was just giddy with affection and couldn’t sleep. 

anyway so the next day (sunday) i had a party thing to go to that was really fun but i’m socially awkward so i texted him a lot as a crutch. and then the next day (monday) he had given me “permission to bug the crap out of him” so i messaged him a lot throughout my work day because it was an unusually crappy day anyway. and the day after that (tuesday) we messaged about the democratic debates and stuff. and then i kinda tried to give him some space, because i felt like i was smothering him, and i made it all the way to friday evening before i caved in and messaged him again. like i don’t wanna bother him by messaging him every day, i know he’s busy. whenever he doesn’t actively have class, he’s got homework or he’s working (which usually means he’s driving and can’t talk). but i’m like so addicted to the affection i get from him, it’s bad. my anxiety just keeps building and getting worse if i try to avoid messaging him and I don’t make it very far before i end up giving in and messaging him for a hit of that good ol’ dopamine. so we ended up catching each other up on the events of the latter part of our week, and talking about sushi preferences. and he apparently has never had eel?? like that was probably the 2nd or 3rd thing i tried lmao 😂 but then to be fair I had a boyfriend at the time who was very interested in making sure i tried new things, and who had been stationed briefly in japan so he knew a lot about sushi and wanted to show off. anyway Letter Boy is like me, he prefers salmon by a wide margin. and we talked about how he’d tried squid and did not enjoy it, and that turned into a mini battle to see who could post the weirdest squid-themed gif lmao. and then i sent him the playlist but he still hasn’t listened to it yet I don’t think. but he also wants me to write him a poem lmao so that’s something i should start working on i guess. but idk i’m not feeling it rn but that’s not his fault. 

and then today happened and i had another incident with my mother and her narcissistic bullshit and i was feeling like shit so i reached out to my best friend to kinda get some validation that i’m not actually the narcissistic one (which felt shitty and manipulative, like if i have to ask i’m probably at least a LITTLE narcissistic. but then again if i actually was narcissistic i guess i wouldn’t even have that doubt? like i would just be certain that i wasn’t and not second-guess it because i wouldn’t care? and like making their victims believe that THEY are the narcissistic ones and the abuser isn’t, is a classic hallmark of gaslighting and narcissistic abuse? but i still felt like shit about it idk). And I also reached out to Letter Boy because while I love my best friend more than words can say, like she’s my sister-from-another-mother, Letter Boy has kind of become my comfort person. like i always used to write letters to him whenever I was going through a rough spot, as a distraction. and usually I’ll message him whenever I’m starting to feel anxious or sad, but lately it’s gotten to where I’ll start to feel anxious and sad whenever I don’t message him regularly. like i’ve said, it’s getting bad and i’m worried about it. like that’s not a good sign of a healthy relationship. and it’s nice to have some positivity in my life, especially given all the negative shit i’m constantly surrounded by. but that doesn’t mean this relationship is healthy or good for either of us. so that’s yet another thing on my list of shit that’s making me anxious lol. but anyway he tried to be supportive when i told him about what i’m dealing with in re: my mother, and encouraged me to get out, but he just seemed kinda generally lost. like he didn’t know how to deal with it. and if that’s because he’s been fortunate enough that in his life, that kind of behaviour is not something he’s experienced, then I’m happy for him. but he said some stuff about not really believing in labels, but specifically in regards to mental health issues? which like. that’s all fine and good in terms of gender and sexuality, but with mental health, that’s a medical issue. you kind of have to have names for things in that context so that you can treat them. and i get that he was kinda trying to be encouraging to me, to not let my mother make me think of myself as a narcissist, and to not feel so shitty about myself in terms of like my depression and anxiety and stuff. but it just felt like it was sort of coming from a place of very neurotypical privilege and misunderstanding, and it was sort of unintentionally invalidating. and then he brought up the idea of us living together again, once he graduates, but he said it in a slightly more realistic way which i should have been happier with but that only wound up disappointing me. he said “maybe when i graduate we can get a place...” instead of like his certainty from earlier. and i said i wish, and he said that he wishes too and we should both hope for it and maybe it’ll happen. and i’m just like... hope is a dangerous thing for my emotional health, i don’t want to hope for something that isn’t going to happen. and he basically said that i need to learn to hope without expectation, and set small goals as baby steps toward that bigger dream, and i’m just like. i don’t understand but thank you lmao. and that’s where we left off this evening. and i’ve been crying, about shit with my mom and my life in general and worrying about all this bullshit with letter boy and how like a week ago we were blissfully happy with each other and now things are feeling increasingly less certain and i have this burning feeling in the back of my mind that he’s not gonna actually show up for the Syrup Festival in 3 weeks - which again, i’ve pinned all my hopes to, it’s the light at the end of my newest tunnel. and i’m so nervous because i want to show him everything and let him get a feel for where i live (and why i feel trapped here lmao) and yet at the same time i don’t know how to handle it because i don’t think he’ll feel the same way about it as i do. and i’m still not sure he’ll even come. because despite him telling me repeatedly that he wants to come, i can’t help but feel that either something will come between us within that time, or he’ll just end up having to work, or something, and he won’t actually come. i’m so terrified he won’t want to come. I’m terrified i’m pushing him away. because this whole thing, ever since we started writing letters, has felt mostly one-sided, like i’m out here sharing everything with him and flinging my love and attention at him, and getting scraps in return, just enough to keep me coming back for more. and i don’t know if he’s stringing me along or if he’s serious. he is a bit flighty. I don’t want him to fly away. but i don’t want to hold him down, either.

i don’t know.

[thank-you-pete-archive]

MORE HIGH SCHOOL NEWSIES HC BECAUSE I HAVE SOOOO MANY OF THEM!!!

Okay, so, Davey ice skates and you cant tell me otherwise

And he's like, v good

Spot is on the wrestling team for the school and when the others go to watch him they always scream the loudest

Darcy is also a part of the school paper

He's also in a bunch of tech classes

Romeo flirts w/ everyone in the halls, especially Darcy

Darcy gets flustered easily and he has asthma, so when Romeo flirts with him he either 1) goes rly red and shuffles off, or 2) has an asthma atack

He's only had one atack and that's when Romeo tried to kiss him once

Sarah used to help Les with his math hw, but now Race (who is math wiz #1) helps him and she is v jealous

Medda owns a theater/bar thing and she lets people go on stage and sing. Every Friday night the gang goes to her bar thing and they have a karaoke night and it's gr8

JoJo eats so much at lunch. Like, if you're full and you still have stuff left, he'll just eat it. He is the trash can at the gangs table at lunch.

Crutchie is one of the nicest people in the school, but he saw buttons being pushed around by the Dalencey brothers(their the resident bullies of the school) and he hit them with his crutch. Buttons was rly happy that crutch was there and gave him a rly big hug

Crutch is really huggy and cuddly so he rly likes long hugs and movie nights bc he gets to cuddle w/ ppl

Tommy boy is boss at dodge ball during pe

Darcy and Romeo had pe together one year. You can guess how that went. Lots of Romeo just checking Darcy out while he was getting dressed.

The orchestra kids in the group have a before performances ritual where they all have to recite vines without looking them up on there phones

Elmer and Albert have gotten into so many arguments it's not even funny (well, it is rly funny 2 see them argue bc it's just... al's voice gets rly high when he's angry and elm just ends up laughing on the floor)

One time a teacher saw Race vaping and they took his vape pen. He ended up smacking her and getting a weeks worth of detention

Sarah is in color gard and she's the gun leader and she's rly good

Kath is supportive gf for Sarah every football game when they perform

No one argues w/ Spot just bc he's head of the debate team and he can win any argument, well, unless it's with Davey bc he end's up using rly big words and no one knows what he's saying

Race does ballet and tap and ppl just laughed at him at first but he just ends up doing pirouettes away from them while fliping them off

They always say "hecc" bc crutchie (mom friend) didn't like all the profanity and everyone is nice to crutch. Not just bc of his crutch but he's also ball of sunshine and no one wants to make him angry

Kath once wrote a whole artical for the paper about how annoying fidget spinners were and why they should be banned from the school unless you absolutely need one

It got put in the paper and she was like "h o w??"

Finch has 5 dogs

don't ask why

There all big dogs, like GSP's or something

Gsp is German short haired pointer btw

There rly cute, look em up

Race and Spot make out after school in Spot's car

Race is on the track team(obviously) and he does sprints and the relays. Sometimes he does long jump if the other guys aren't there.

And yes, he is on the boys track team. They didn't put him on the girls and he was so happy they didn't

Race and Spot make out after track meets too

Sarah is a proud lesbian along w/ her proud bi gf, kath

I jus love those girls together

Sorry I jus yeah

Darc has a toy poodle and it yaps all the time but is a v good girl

Davey's fam has a cat named pony bc Les named it when he was, like, 4 and they had just gotten the cat and les was like "PONYYYYY!!!!!1111!1!!11" and the fam was like, "well, ur pony now."

No one knows where blink is half the time, like they'll all make plans to go somewhere together and hell be there at the beginning, but 5 min in and he's gone????

Jack and Kath dated for a while but they didn't rly feel anything so they broke up but there still rly good frens

It's like, not weird at all and jack was rly happy for kath when she finally asked Sarah out and she said yes

There is always a sleep over going on. It's usually at Medda's bc she's chill af and everyone loved Medda

She's gotten teacher of the year 5 years in a row at the school(soon to be 6)

She put on a lesbian Romeo and Juliet. You can guess who played the lesbian couple. The only lesbian couple I've talked abt so far

They put on "Dear Even Hansen" too and crutch played even except he broke his leg

Kath and mush were the Murphy siblings while specs played Jared.

Specs can act good boi

And he does photography so for home coming and prom he took all of the squads pics

He also got to take other couples and groups pics too (they had to pay but his squad got off for free)

Specs in in photography club

Buttons makes everyone's Halloween costumes. Except for crutchie's bc crutch wears the same outfit every year. He's a pirate and it's adorable

One year they all dressed up as crayons and you just see a big group of teenagers wearing crayon outfits walking down the sidewalk. It was gr8

Okay

That's all i got 4 now

Have a gr8 day and ily frens

Bi

[parkjmini]

Outlier | 06

poly!au: park jimin x reader x kim jennie while your lovers said they needed you, you wondered if they knew how much you needed them. word count: 1748 genre: angst/fluff warnings: explicit language

[an]: this is just a quick filler chapter and it’s a little rushed :// im sorry for not updating for a while or being less frequent on tumblr. i had been super emo bc of college admissions but guys!! gr8 fucking news!! i got into my dream schools after sooo many rejections from other schools. im also not going to be updating/MIA for the upcoming week bc i have to practice for a 20 min presentation that will determine if i graduate jfc that im doing on friday ugh 

prologue . 01 . 02 .  03 . 04 . 05 . 06 . 07

The hospital wouldn’t let you leave. Your conditions had gotten worse and they needed you to stay in the clinic for the doctors’ to closely monitor your behavior. That meant scheduled meals, frequent chemotherapy treatments, more blood tests. Even though you did nothing at the hospital, everything made you feel extremely exhausted and your arms were bruised from the constant needles being poked into your skin.

Living at the hospital meant no more art classes or school. You couldn’t finish your college classes at your institution because you couldn’t leave. The school suggested to finish the credits through online courses, but it only caused you to lash out more. You hated what the cancer had done to your life. It robbed it. You were just existing now. 

You weren’t sure if you saw Jimin and Jennie less now or before during when you all lived together. They came to see you every day, if it wasn’t the both of them, it was one of them. You also saw Jungkook and Hoseok more often as well. You weren’t alone, because everyone’s visits managed to never cross.

Hoseok came usually around the late mornings to afternoons, mainly every other day or whenever he could. Jungkook came during the evenings, when Hoseok had to leave for his classes. Jimin came around the night, staying way past visiting hours. The nurses looked at him one night crying by your bedside and knew that visiting hours didn’t apply to him. Jennie came in the early mornings until Hoseok arrived and before she left for classes. The only time Jimin and Jennie visited together is when they didn’t have classes — those days were off limits for Hoseok and Jungkook.

The only times you’re alone is between the hours of when Jimin leaves and when Jennie arrives, but Jimin waits until you fall asleep to go home. You would say that your individual relationships grew more intimate, but you were afraid of Jennie and Jimin lacking moments. 

Hoseok and Jimin wouldn’t speak about their friendship to you, so you were unsure if they were even best friends anymore. You couldn’t help but feel like all of this was your fault. 

Hoseok was the one who sat with you during your chemo sessions because he’s the only one who has ever seen you that valuable. You wouldn’t allow anyone else to join you on your treatments and always asked them to wait for you in the room. Those days were the hardest to get through because the nurses did a poor job at distracting you of anything. 

“Hey baby,–” Jimin walked in as a nurse was helping you up from your bed. She paused and smiled at him.

“Hello Jimin.” She gleamed, almost as if she thought he called her his baby. You rolled your eyes and fidgeted to get her attention.

“Hey, I’m going to a chemo session. I’ll be back in a few—”

Jimin set his things down and helped you on your other side, “–I’ll just join you.”

You narrowed your eyes at him. “It’s okay, stay here. I tell you this every time.”

“Yeah and I listen to you every time, which I knew after the first time, I shouldn’t because you come in a crying mess after it all. I know you let Hoseok go with you, but he’s not here now. I am, so let me be there for you.” Jimin stared intensely into your glossy eyes and the nurse waited for your consent before moving you.

A switch flipped in your heart. Those annoying heavy thuds of your heart went off. The redness in your cheeks radiating. You nodded and grabbed onto him for more balance. 

He rambled on about how his day went as he walked you down the hall into one of the million rooms in the hospital. The nurse strapped you up to begin your session and Jimin sat on your other side. 

Your mind always whirled before it all started, never really prepared for when the needle pierced through your skin. However, Jimin didn’t let you focus too much on it. He held onto your hand so tight and squeezed it repeatedly to draw your attention back to his presence. He talked continuously, merely rambles about the most random things that he encountered when driving or on campus.  

He made you feel 100 times better, even way better than when Hoseok came with you. Maybe it was the fact that he was your boyfriend, so his touch and his voice calmed your anxiety. 

“You really wouldn’t believe it, but Karen is going to go to her sorority formal with Trevor even though she already promised Garret. The guy was really pissed when he found out and started to rip each other’s throats out right in front of the lecture hall. I had my money on Garret, considering the dude is yolked, and Yoongi couldn’t give two shits about the fight but I made him bet anyways. He thought Garret was going to win too, but that’s not how a bet works, y’know? We can’t bet on the same person because who would owe who the money? But he didn’t care and said that he’d buy me food either way, which is great because that would mean that I win anyways.” Jimin kept his eyes locked on yours, rubbing his knuckles softly against your cheek to soothe you. His eyes never strayed to the massive syringe in your other arm or the nurse injecting it. 

At that moment, he only knew you. 

And you were unsure if the pain you felt was from the chemo or the burning sensation that came from your heart. 

“…so who won?” You barely peeped out and Jimin lit up with excitement, stars in his beautiful, big eyes. 

“Yoongi.” Jimin smiled and you gave him a confused expression. “It turns out Yoongi and Karen were already talking and had been secretly dating this entire time. She’d been trying to get him jealous by saying yes to all those guys, so he would step up and ask her to formal. He walked right in the middle of the fight, and I thought he was going to get punched into pulp, but they both calmly stepped away as Yoongi stood in between the two buff men. He told them that neither of them were taking Karen to formal and that he was already going with her because he’s her boyfriend. They all laughed until Karen jumped into his arms and kissed him in front of everyone, yelling ‘that’s my baby!’ and Yoongi threaten to cut them open for a lab, y’know how he’s a biology major, if they didn’t both leave them alone.” 

“What?” You wanted to laugh, but you weren’t suppose to move. However, hearing Jimin’s melodic chuckle made you smile. He leaned in and gave your silly, yet confused face a quick peck. 

“I told you that you weren’t going to believe it.” His toothy grin brighten up the dark, gloomy session room and you didn’t regret having him there with you one bit.

“What’s Jennie doing?” You asked as you fluffed Jimin’s raven hair. He rested on your chest as you both laid in your hospital bed. The only sounds were the monitor running and the light sounds of your breathing.

“Stuck at the internship.” He mumbled into your sheets.

“Why aren’t you there?” Staring at the ceiling, the street lamps cast shadows above you as people passed by on the street.

Jimin turned, his arm placed at either side of your body. His frown caught your attention as his face inched close to yours. “I quit.” 

“You what?” You said rather loudly. He put his hand over your mouth to hush you. You licked him and he giggled at your wet touch. “Jimin, I told you not change anything in your life to accommodate to me.” 

“Oh, but you know I love accommodating to the love of my life. Plus, I didn’t even need it. I have other opportunities waiting for me, babe. You mean a lot more to me than an internship.” He explained.

You rolled your eyes, in a playful manner. “Well don’t go shitting on Jen.” 

“Her values are different. Also, the people there are crazy about her and rave about her existence.” Jimin laughed and you cupped his squishy cheeks.

“Says the one that is also just as crazy about her.” 

“But I don’t rave about her existence, that’s the difference. It’ll make her head too big and then it’ll roll right off her shoulders.” You giggled and kissed him sweetly.

“I love you. I love Jen. I love us.” You marveled and your boyfriend’s glossy eyes stared back at you. His hands held onto yours as he kissed your dainty finger tips.

“I’m sorry for everything I put you through, (Y/N). I’ve been an incredibly horrible boyfriend to you and you deserved so much more attention from me. I love you, I really do. When Jennie suggested the idea to me about bringing you into our relationship, I became hesitant because I knew I wasn’t capable of spreading my love enough for two people.” His tears ran down his round, supple face. 

Jimin wouldn’t let go of your hands, so you leaned in to kiss his forehead instead. “So.. what changed?” 

“You changed me, as cheesy as it sounds, (Y/N), you changed my concept of love. You were always my close friend, who I wanted to protect with my life. After you joined us, I wanted to do more than protect you. I wanted to love you and for fuck sakes, did that hit me like a truck. I was so scared of never showing you enough of how much I loved you and then my worst fears actually came true. I’m sorry, (Y/N).”

Seeing Jimin cry had been a rare sight, and you hoped to never see him cry ever again. It hurt too much to watch the pain and sadness ruin his happiness. You were speechless and felt horrible for blaming the two for your own emotions. “Don’t apologize, Jimin. Just prove it to me.” 

“You fucking bet I will. I’m going to take care of you until you’re sick of me.” Jimin chuckled, his voice turning raspy as it got more into the night. He cuddled back into your side and hugged you tightly. Your eyelids fell over your tired eyes and you silently wished that you had more time to live.

[disstrackhiggins]

more modern hcs

•davey is a Clapback Queen™️

•especially if someone says something about any of his friends

•jack just normally punches them and it makes davey vvv frustrated

•”yOU DONT JUST HIT PEOPLE JACK”

•elmer and tommy boy have a date night every Friday

•everyone knows not to bother them unless it’s an absolute emergency

•jojo once walked in on them at a very personal moment and he screamed

•fidget, romeo, elmer, and davey watch the bachelor and the bachelorette together

•and after a season finale fidget always climbs into races room through the window and starts ranting

•still makes race have a heart attack every time

•albert and finch are kinda a thing

•but like, it’s to the point where they don’t want to make it official but it practically is

•albert also hates Valentine’s Day

•luckily finch does too

•spot and fidget are bffs

•spot gives fidget like boxing lessons and stuff

•fidget helps him with cleaning his lil apartment

•they also gang up on race sometimes

•race acts like it bothers him but he’s happy his girlfriend is getting along with the dude he counts as a brother

•(ps in the canon verse i kinda ship albert and race more but sprace is gr8 10/10 would recommend)

•jack and les are pranksters

•poor davey and sarah suffer the most

•mike and ike take any prank jack and les pull as a challenge

•sometimes the prank wars go on for months

•it always ends with katherine or fidget threatening them bc they were finally hit with the prank

•they have a family dinner every month

•it always ends up as a sleepover

•meaning lots of cuddles and games

•jack also cooks

•very well

•davey can bake

•so its a perfect combination and any child they have will be very well fed

•I also see davey and jack getting married like right out of college

•tommy boy and elmer get married as soon as they graduate high school, no doubt about it

•they also adopt tons of puppies and (some) cats

•fidget and race wait a little while before they get married (like 26 for fidget 27 for race)

•also medda adopted jack when his mother died bc they were best friends

•he still calls her aunt medda

•he called her mom once and it was when he was vvv depressed

•she waited until he was asleep to cry because she loves that boy so much and only wants the best for him

•I love my bbs

•i also have an entire hc about crutiche coming up don’t worry I didn’t forget my son

Tag list :

@bennie-badeend @well-the-kids-do-too @tampster @thenerdiverse @pinecovewoods

[rainbowwindstorm]

Part 1: Let’s Be Friends! Shall We?

*Note: keep in mind that in this part of the story, Iris still hasn’t gotten her powers or the magic beads yet. She gets them around her 16th birthday. So basically, this is sort of a prologue on how she met Mute*

It’s a nice, bright and sunny day and it is the first day of high school for many freshmen. Among these freshmen is a 15 yr. old girl named Iris. She is feeling very excited because today she is going to try to make new friends since her only best friend is her 17 yr. old cousin Cirrus.

“Hey Cirrus? What period do you have lunch?” Iris asks.

“I got it 5th period,” Cirrus replies back.

“Awww, no fair! I have it 6th period!”

“Pfft, well you better start making friends right now so you know who you are going to sit with. Of course, since it’s the first day, it’s gonna take some time to make some.”

“True haha.”

“Well, I gotta get going. I have history first period and it’s all the way at the end of the hallway. I don’t wanna be late. If you need any help, text me. Later!”

“Okay! Later Cirrus!” Iris calls out as she sees him slowly disappear from the distance. “Well let’s see what I have first period.” As she looks at her schedule, she notices that she has biology first period. She heads to class early since it’s better than being late. As she gets there, she spots a tall boy with silvery white hair and what seemed to be speaking with his hands to the teacher. Iris decides to wait outside.

“Look Mute. I know you are a bright kid. I want you to try your hardest and behave alright? We have astronomy club every Friday, in case you want to join. I see that you love drawing the galaxy alot from what I saw earlier at the back of the walls I saw outside,” says the teacher. The boy, whom we now know is called Mute, nods in agreement.  “Great!” the teacher then pats his head gently. “Well you better head down to your first class now. Don’t want to make you late for it haha. And don’t vandalize school property! Remember that!”

Mute just playfully sticks his tongue out and smiles as he soon heads out. Iris then heads in and takes a seat in a random desk.

“Why hello there! Nice to see that I have an early bird here!” the teacher exclaims happily. Iris smiles back and nods in agreement.

“Yup! Um, not to be nosy, but who was that you were talking to earlier?”

“Oh, the quiet kid? He’s a freshman just like you. I spotted him vandalizing the back of the school walls outside and I had to give him a small lecture. He seems like a bright kid so I invited him to join Astronomy Club if he wanted to since it appears that he enjoys it so much. OH! And if you wanna join, you are also welcome too! I’m Mr. Orion by the way.”

“I’m Iris. I would love to join! I honestly want to make some new friends since my only friend right now is my older cousin Cirrus.”

         “Great! We meet after school on Fridays!” Pretty soon the classroom started to fill with students and Mr. Orion starts his introduction and explains the plans they have for the school year. Throughout the whole day, Iris struggled a bit in making friends and before you know it, it's time for lunch.

         “I guess I have nobody to sit with for lunch today. Welp..might as well go eat outside than sit alone in the cafeteria.” Iris then heads outside and sits by the bleachers. As soon as she starts eating her strawberry and banana sandwich, she suddenly feels like she's being watched. She turns around and nothing is there. “Huh...why do I feel like I'm being watched? Huh, maybe it’s just me.” She shrugs it off and proceeds to finish her lunch. After finishing, she gets up and without noticing her steps, she trips on a spray can.

“GAAAH-OOF!!!” she exclaims as falls and suddenly lands on something soft.

As she opens her eyes, she notices it’s the guy she saw earlier that morning. “OH. MY. GOSH!!! I AM SO TERRIBLY SORRY!!!” Iris gets up quick. Mute suddenly grabs a notebook and writes on it. Iris looks at him puzzled until he finishes and gives it to her.

Dude, are you okay?? Sorry I left that spray can there. is written on the notebook. (A/N: the writing in italics is what Mute writes on his notebook and hands to Iris)

“Um yeah…? It’s okay. Also, why are you writing on a notebook? You can talk, right?” Mute sighs and motions her to give him back the notebook. She gives it back and within seconds, he hands it back to her.

Nope. I can’t talk. I don’t have a voice. If I try to speak, I can end up tearing my vocal chords. Ya see, I was born with extremely sensitive vocal chords.

“I see… Do you communicate with others through your notebook all the time?”

Ehh...it depends. I can actually speak through sign language though. If people don’t understand ASL, then I write on this thing.

“Ohhh, so that’s why you were talking to Mr. Orion with your hands!! It’s ASL. Silly me!!”

Haha yeah. I’m glad he understood me. It’s rare to find people who understand ASL nowadays. Do you know how to do sign language by any chance?

“Nope...I wish I did though. It looks kinda hard..”

It’s not really that hard. I can teach ya tomorrow during lunch if ya want. :)

“Really?! Omg! I would love to learn! Thanks so much!!” Iris beams happily and suddenly hugs him. Mute tenses up a bit and Iris backs off a bit. “O-oh! S-Sorry if that bothered you. I’m just happy. That’s all..”

It’s okay. I’m not familiar with getting affection and care though. But that’s a story for another day. Anyways, thanks. It actually made me feel happy and lighten up to be honest. :)

“Really?! Omg! Yay!! Haha!” Mute smiles and nods at her.

Yup. Well lunch is almost over. I better head back cuz I have art next.

“Oh okay! Same, I better head back as well. I have Literature. What’s your name by the way?”

Mute. You can call me Mute.

“What a unique name! Mine’s Iris.”

Coolio! It suits you. Well I better go. Bye Iris!! It was great meeting ya! See ya tomorrow!

“Bye Mute!!” They both wave at each other as they part ways. Iris smiled brightly as she headed to her last class. She had finally made a friend and she couldn’t wait to tell her cousin about it. She then gets a text message.

“Lol. Speak of the devil, look who just texted me.”

CloudBoy: So, finally made any friends cuz?

Iris: Sure did! I’ll tell ya after school! :D

CloudBoy: Gr8!! TTYL

Iris: lol ttyl

Part 1 COMPLETE

Hope you peeps liked it! Lol, I haven’t written stories in a long time. I hope it made sense. :P

[deesdoodleswastaken]

This week has been so good to me and sometimes it's like... Idk it's like when people say the 'stars have aligned' that kind of thing, and I see fate working its magic in the smallest of things like... Okay for example:

🌻 I decided out of the blue to go home after work at 6pm compared to the usual 5pm bc sometimes I just like to chill in the office after a long days work. I walk to the train station and I bump into a friend who I know works on the other side of the city so I was like??? Watchu doing here?? Turns out he was meeting his wife and brother in law for dinner at the mall where my office was. He was glad to bump into me cus it was his first time in the area and had no idea how to get there! Imagine if I had gone home at my usual 5pm, I wouldn't have bumped into him and shown him the way (even if it was a measely 5mins walk from the station but still) it was just nice to see him!

🌻 My manager K has been trying to get me to try this cafe, really recommending it. Thuraday I thought to myself 'I should invite K to lunch at that cafe' but then I remembered K goes vegetarian on Thursdays and thought it wouldn't work out. Turns out! K likes going to that cafe on veg Thursdays cus they made rly nice veg sandwiches and apple crumble so??? We got to have a nice lunch together and I finally got to try that cafe after all this time, and they make amazing coffee, cabonara and is slightly cheaper than some of the other cafes so A+

🌻 Work has been great lately but all of a sudden, boss wanted us to do some major SPRING CLEANING and even had special tasks for some of us. My colleague M and I were tasked with replacing our old office fake flowers with new ones and maybe some new decor or two. M found a gr8 shop with good deals and we spent a REALLY long time deciding on the perfect flower + vase combos and in the end we returned, and our colleagues rly liked the results. Best part is that we had some money left over from the budget, we got to bond and get to know each other better over lunch and we basically spent half the day NOT working in the office 😂

🌻 Friday my friend E suddenly calls me asking if I could join her for dinner after work cus she just had a stressful day and was lonely. I met up with her and we spent our Friday night with sushi, frozen yoghurt for dessert and watching a light show at the fountains. Otw back home, smtg happened to the trains and we couldn't commute our way home! And E was supposed to go home with her sister, who didn't work too far from where we were. We had no choice but to take a 15 min walk through the city to meet up with her and catch a Grab home. But if I hadn't met up with E for dinner, she'd have to go through all that by herself and she and her sis would have had to pay more for the Grab!

So yeah this week's just been pretty great and I'm just really happy and thankful for it. Gotta treasure the good days when they happen. If anyone's reading this, I hope you have a great week too! 🌻🌻🌻

[leonbastralle]

Last Replies Of 2017

alfalfalegacy replied to your photoset

Her colouring is so unique

alfalfalegacy replied to your photoset

Wave is my favourite

that’s cheated i’ll have you know XD all their colors are because i wanted them to be unique. but....she’s my fave too it’ll be very obvious and it’s bad

thatsimslove replied to your photoset “Fast forwarding… Introducing Wave, Tide & Shore Miracle ♥”

Why does this family always have the most perfect children ❤️❤️

...because genetic experiments XD i mean, this time round! not always

chaoticpxl replied to your photoset

very good

chaoticpxl replied to your photoset

they did good

chaoticpxl replied to your photoset

very very much

chaoticpxl replied to your photoset

i love very much

chaoticpxl replied to your photoset

best. 100%

are you okay there my dude

amixofpixels replied to your photoset

Yep, I like this one very much.

EVERYONE LIKES HER MOST ME TOO I’M SCREWED (she’s not the heiress)

amixofpixels replied to your post “.”

Am I going to have to tell you that I love you, dearly, and nothing is going to make me disappointed in you.

sjfbskjfnaskjfnskfjas,ds well...you never know you might change your mind ;) but i’m glad you haven’t so far!

amixofpixels replied to your post “.”

Am I going to have to hug you until you calm down and know everything is okay?

that might take a long time :/ nothing happened, it’s just...general feels.

amixofpixels replied to your post “.”

Annie, I leave for one day to do family things, and I come back to this. Am I going to have to yell at you, for how perfect you are?

you’re like my third mum xD what did my child do this time when i wasn’t around??

amixofpixels replied to your photoset “Fast forwarding… Introducing Wave, Tide & Shore Miracle ♥”

But they all be cute, though.

amixofpixels replied to your photoset “Fast forwarding… Introducing Wave, Tide & Shore Miracle ♥”

If they are in order of their names, I think Wave is my favourite! ^-^

they better all be cute! I mean they are imo because I made them in cas and i wouldn’t have settled for something uncute xD but Wave is definitely everyone’s fave so far??

amixofpixels replied to your photoset “ooooOOOO I WONDER WHAT THAT MEANS”

BBBBBBBAAAAAAAAABBBBBBBBBBBBIIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEESSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!

alfalfalegacy replied to your photoset “ooooOOOO I WONDER WHAT THAT MEANS”

Baby time!

YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS

pirouettingplumbobs replied to your photoset

Yesss she is my fav!

that’s Wave tho, you said Shore before...after? nonchronological replies are B A D

alfalfalegacy replied to your photoset “Fast forwarding… Introducing Wave, Tide & Shore Miracle ♥”

AAAAAHHH LITTLE CUTIES

simphonics replied to your photoset “Fast forwarding… Introducing Wave, Tide & Shore Miracle ♥”

they're so cute!!

i know ;_; i died a little!

pirouettingplumbobs replied to your photoset “Close ups of all three! I don’t think it’s possible to have a favorite...”

I think Shore is my favorite!

shore is lovely ♥ looks and personality wise

dustofsims replied to your post “.”

I loveth you Annie!

aksfjbajksfnaksfjas you haven’t gotten any shit from me so XD

pirouettingplumbobs replied to your photoset “S: What, you mean I have to learn skills too???”

Bless your soul! I don’t think I could handle triplets

oh i couldn’t either, the nightmares plus a loud neighbor were THE WORST i just got through it because shimmer was there to help.

chaoticpxl replied to your photoset “Close ups of all three! I don’t think it’s possible to have a favorite...”

best

chaoticpxl replied to your photoset “Close ups of all three! I don’t think it’s possible to have a favorite...”

brb while i cry bc even tho ive seen them a lot they r still the best and im crying bc they some from the best and u r the best and this is gonna be the best

ashkfbaksjfnaskfjanskfjasnfakjsfnaksfjas i mean i hope it’ll be decent xD but they are cute it’ll be a bonus but also shut up

pixeldemographics replied to your photoset “Fast forwarding… Introducing Wave, Tide & Shore Miracle ♥”

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA THESE BEAUTIFUL KIDS

*ficuses up to u* alMOST as beautiful as U

amixofpixels replied to your photoset “I got tagged in the End Of The Year Tag by @quartzbpr /...”

Look at everything you've done but I do feel like shirtless President should be a thing too! 😉

this man has Betrayed me, but i can confirm that 2018 comes bearing some more shirtless Martinique and A LOT of shirtless Malcolm in his original universe...I mean...you can call not wearing clothes shirtless right oops is that a spoiler but yes stay tuned!

monets-pixels replied to your photoset “back pains ft. the one and only”

That tum! I love it

me tooooooooooo ;_; she was a good mum to be

monets-pixels replied to your photoset “I got tagged in the End Of The Year Tag by @quartzbpr /...”

Such good memories T_T baby Connie! My babes! The boys ×2! And my future wife 😍

I know ;_; feels like it was at least 2 years with all the stuff that happened!!

buckleysims replied to your photoset “I got tagged in the End Of The Year Tag by @quartzbpr /...”

And thanks for tagging me, by the way! :)

i was just really curious! i’m sorry i had no idea you were already tagged so many times.

buckleysims replied to your photoset “I got tagged in the End Of The Year Tag by @quartzbpr /...”

I love this! ♥ It didn't seem like boasting to me. Just enthusiasm and excitement, which is awesome!

sjkfnskjdgsd okay well, that’s a lot better xD

chaoticpxl replied to your photoset “ok sure”

you looking at Adam, tell me im wrong

you are not wrong

chaoticpxl replied to your photoset “don’t catch a cold my boys!”

if one of them gets a cold we get cute pictures of the other caring for the sick one? okay deal thanks

dEAL

frost-rainbowcy replied to your photoset

Dat bump though

well, she IS having triplets!

amixofpixels replied to your photoset “don’t catch a cold my boys!”

Annie, stay where you are, and I'm going to hug you, okay?

that’s gonna be easy, i’m not home and can’t drive and have no money with me so i’m stuck anyway ;)

pirouettingplumbobs replied to your photoset “back pains ft. the one and only”

She’s so big, no wonder!

don’t do triplets my friend

pixeldemographics replied to your photoset “back pains ft. the one and only”

save her

soon

pixeldemographics replied to your photoset “ok sure”

ok yes here it is the Biggest of Moods

she learned how to make the best faces from the master

pixeldemographics replied to your photoset “Charlotte: So? Conifer: I think it could work. We can fit three...”

bYE SHINE AND TRELLIS may u rest with the stars bc now ur homeless

fun fact theyre actually living with flameus these days because i cant b trusted with giving multiple households a good life

pixeldemographics replied to your photoset “Goes to her sister’s place, occupies her computer and starts chatting...”

GLADE......... i love her so much

s a m e

pixeldemographics replied to your photoset “Glade is back again, and she’s getting bigger!”

what a happy mom to be i cry so much!!!

mE TOO ITS SO GOOD TO SEE HER LIKE THIS??? I WAS A BINCH TO HER NOW THIS IS THE GOOD STUFF

pixeldemographics replied to your photoset “C: Mission accomplished: have table cut through your bump”

that...... cant b good for the babies' health charlotte pls watch out

dw charlotte has som medical knowledge

pixeldemographics replied to your photoset “moods”

tag urself im charlotte

moi aussi

pixeldemographics replied to your photoset “HAPPY WINTERY FICUS FRIDAY!!!!”

dan catii chill with the caps lock but then again it was Needed

i cry v much abt caps lock pls never chill unless u rly want to

pixeldemographics replied to your photoset “HAPPY WINTERY FICUS FRIDAY!!!!”

bABIES!!!! THE SECOND POSE WITH FICUS' HAND ON SNOWDRIFTS CHEEK???? IM SHOOK I DIE I AM D E A D also THIS IS SUCH A FINE WAY TO END 2K17 FICUS FRIDAYS HERES TO A GR8 SNOWDRIFTICUS 2K18

i kNOW FUCK I KNOW FUCK THESE BOYS i wish they were actually the last thing i posted but you cant have everything

alfalfalegacy replied to your photoset “Glade is back again, and she’s getting bigger!”

ahh she looks good with her little bump! ;_;

i know right ♥

alfalfalegacy replied to your photoset “OOOOOOOOOOO HERE SHE COMES”

What a jam

alfalfalegacy replied to your photoset “OOOOOOOOOOO HERE SHE COMES”

WATCH OUT BOY SHE'LL CHEW YOU UP

the one and only!!

pixeldemographics replied to your photoset “OOOOOOOOOOO HERE SHE COMES”

wATCH OUT MAR SHELL CHEW U UP

AAAAA BEST

pixeldemographics replied to your photoset “OOOOOOOOOOO HERE SHE COMES”

https://vine.co/v/iKqxxzKlnDZ/embed/simple

THANK YOU

monets-pixels replied to your photoset “C: Mission accomplished: have table cut through your bump”

Me, impatiently waiting for her to give birth

all in due time ;)

amixofpixels replied to your photoset “HAPPY WINTERY FICUS FRIDAY!!!!”

Even though I'm very tired and with pain, I'm here to give you some well earned love. This is great, everything you do is great, and everything you will do, will be too. ^-^

;__________; THANK YOU i mean i too think this is great and to think i had so much trouble with wifi stuff for this...it was WORTH IT

ladyanyarose replied to your photoset “HAPPY WINTERY FICUS FRIDAY!!!!”

Is is generation 8 yet? I need more of these two. They're just so cute. 💜

aaaaaaaaaAAAAAAA RLY??? ;_; i wish it was...but it’s still gen 6...getting closer to 7 tho!

simxnoire replied to your photoset “G: Are you even listening??? C: Sure am! I was just thinking. About...”

me: breathes me me: ORANNNNNNNNN

his face reveal is in my drafts too!!!!

pixeldemographics replied to your post “lil notice”

ill go there punch wifi in the face

yes pls come here

monets-pixels replied to your photoset “G: Are you even listening??? C: Sure am! I was just thinking. About...”

Awwwwww how cute

♥♥♥

pixeldemographics replied to your photoset “G: Are you even listening??? C: Sure am! I was just thinking. About...”

pLS DO THE DOUBLE DATE THING

it turned into a double date with tots but...it happened it counts

pixeldemographics replied to your photoset “G: Charlotte! It’s so good to finally see my sister where she belongs....”

Smh glade but also i LIV FOR JOINT PREGONATE WOMEN

sAME

monets-pixels replied to your photoset “G: Charlotte! It’s so good to finally see my sister where she belongs....”

WAIT SHES PREGNANT TOO!!!!

HAAAAAA YESSSS SHE IS!!

monets-pixels replied to your photoset “G: Charlotte! It’s so good to finally see my sister where she belongs....”

Thats my girl getting roasted

always

monets-pixels replied to your photoset “Conifer: This is good, right? You, me, the babies. Us. Charlotte: The...”

I LOVE YOU BOTH SO MUCH

AND THEY LOVE YOU TOO

pixeldemographics replied to your photoset “A professional.”

uhhhHHHHHH IS SHE OK

u kno...........sometimes u get Distracted

pixeldemographics replied to your photoset “Conifer: This is good, right? You, me, the babies. Us. Charlotte: The...”

yES IT IS ITS DA BES

DID U MEAN: YOU AND UR COMMENT SPAMS

pixeldemographics replied to your photoset “Charlotte: How’s it going, Connie? Finished a book? Conifer: I did!...”

whos this editor i want Words with them

idk man i rly dont know but same

[shattered-tranquility]

When SuG announced their first ever Nippon Budokan concert to celebrate their 10th anniversary, there weren’t many fans who expected it would also be their last show ever – perhaps even the band themselves. But the dreaded announcement came just weeks before the big show, and needless to say, they turned their first Budokan show into a show that fans definitely didn’t want to miss.

If you’ve read our translations of SuG’s indefinite hiatus announcement, you’ll know exactly what kind of show they wanted it to be. It’s a bittersweet ending, with some members claiming they’ve failed or they haven’t done enough. But more than their feelings of regret, they wanted to express their gratitude to their fans that supported them over the last 10 years, despite their ups and downs and even their breaks.

It’s fitting, then, that they titled their show in a way that sums up the very essence of SuG: “HEAVY POSITIVE ROCK.” Over 7,000 fashionable fans crowded into Nippon Budokan on the evening of September 2, 2017. A small platform on the stage, meant for vocalist Takeru, read “HEAVY” in bold letters. A large screen lined the back of the stage.

A video signaled the start of the show. An EDM-inspired back track played as the characters “1/12/2007-9/2/2017” were shown across the screen, indicating SuG’s start date and their end date – today. Despite the dramatic start, things picked up on a positive note quicky. Red lights and purple lasers accompanied the catchy beat of AGAKU, the opening track. The members dressed in monochrome for this part of the set, letting the music and graphics speak for them. The audience put their hands in the air, pumping their fists to the beat.

HELLYEAH brought even more color and energy to the stage. Takeru jumped on and off his mini platform as he pleased. Both heavy and positive, one could say HELLYEAH is a great representation of SuG’s final period. Fukanzen Beautyfool Days followed, the first “older” track of the set. Takeru’s face lit up in a huge smile more than once. Chiyu moved around the stage a lot, too, hyping up the standing crowd in the arena.

With that track finished, Takeru delivered his first MC of the evening. He thanked everyone for coming and asked if they were doing okay. Then he launched into a brief account of SuG’s blessed history. When SuG first started out, he said, there were maybe five people total who supported them. After only 6 months of playing together—by some miracle, Takeru said—they were able to sell out Meguro Rockmaykan, a venue that can squeeze in about 300 people if they try. The second miracle, he said, was that this Budokan show attracted a staggering 7,000 people when they thought they would only be able to pull in about 3,000.

Of course, with 7,000 people watching, SuG had to do something big. Starting with Toy Soldier, the next few tracks in the set featured a full dance team that filled in the space on the huge Budokan stage. Children danced expertly in simple black and purple T’s, then adult dancers came out for songs like Koakuma Sparkling, B.A.B.Y., and Mugen Style.

Later in the set, SuG performed their member introductions (not that they needed any) with instrumental solos. Starting with drummer Shinpei, a small team of dancers moved to the beat of each instrument; then followed bassist Chiyu, guitarist Yuji, and finally, guitarist Masato.

All dancers returned to the set for a more classic SuG song, sweeToxic. The catchy guitar and vocals were accented by some of Takeru’s own dance skills. The jazzy tones of Keiyaku Kanojo, Ikenie Kareshi followed, then the whole audience got up and jumping for FRIDAY!!.

A brief MC followed in which all the members thanked the audience for coming. The upbeat tones of gr8 story, ☆Gimme Gimme☆, and the excellent Japanese and English word play of SICK’S got the audience worked up in a sweat. mad$hip gave the setlist some contrast, adding just a touch of darkness to the otherwise totally positive set.

SuG’s fans were in for a rare, final treat next: a medley for their 10th anniversary. Song after song drew excited cheers from the crowd, such as R.P.G., Vi-Vi-Vi, and Crazy Bunny Coaster. 39GalaxyZ closed out the main set with dancers, energy, colors, lights, and even paper stars that fell gently from the ceiling of Nippon Budokan.

When the members came back for the encore, Takeru had swapped his dark clothing for a bright, red leather jacket. Rainbow lights lit up the stage for dot.0. After the song ended, though, the hard part began. It was time for the members to say what they had prepared to say in farewell to the fans, staff, family, and friends that had supported them over the past 10 years.

The members said their piece one by one, beginning with Shinpei. He had mentioned on Twitter that he hadn’t prepared what he was going to say at their last show; all he could think of was preparing for this last show to be the best. He couldn’t think past it. Despite that, he explained his unease at this being their last ever show and what he would do. There were a lot of people, he said, really a lot of people that helped them over the last 10 years. From fans, to staff, to friends, to family, to fellow bandmen, a lot of people had supported them and made SuG possible. Tears welled in Shinpei’s eyes and his voice broke as he said, “I never thought I could be this happy.”

Chiyu had said what he wanted to say already on Twitter prior to the show because he wasn’t confident in keeping thoughts in his head while delivering an MC on stage. He had mentioned how he wanted to express not their guilt, but their gratitude towards their fans at their final show. A lot of fellow bandmen, staff, fans, etc. gave him support over the years. For a while, he had contemplated quitting the bass completely. However, he said, thanks to the advice and help of his senpai bandmen, he ultimately decided that he would continue on with bass playing in one form or another, most likely support. It was a statement that lifted the hearts of the otherwise forlorn fans in the audience.

Yuji had prepared three things to say—well, after the second one, he revealed that he had actually only prepared two. He thanked those who supported them over the last 10 years. He also talked about how he knew many fans who became friends just by having the mutual interest of SuG. “Even after SuG is over, please take care of those friendships,” he said. “They’re important.”

It was Masato‘s final MC that put most of the audience in tears. Where the other members smiled, Masato clearly struggled with his emotions, frequently pausing during his MC to find his voice again. “I’m not angry, but I’m definitely feeling a lot of emotions right now,” he began. He was grateful for all the support they received over the past 10 years despite their pause. When he learned the Budokan show would be their last show, he explained, he felt hurt and guilty. He had wanted SuG to do so much more, he lamented. More than his regret, though, he ultimately wanted to express his gratitude.

Takeru came last. He reiterated his feelings starting with the announcement of their Budokan show in May, leading up to the day of the historical show. He explained how the band realized that you can’t just make it in the music business with music; there were still some things that the band wasn’t skilled enough at to keep going on. He was sorry he couldn’t keep his promise to go even further with SuG.

The first Budokan show Takeru saw, he explained, was 13 years ago. He said somewhere in the back and watched HYDE live on stage. He decided then that he wanted to perform on that stage some day. Life isn’t like a manga or a movie, he said, but “if I, a normal teenager, can get to the point of standing on the Budokan stage for myself, then you can, too. All of you!” he yelled into the audience, fervor adding volume to his words.

This passionate ending to the MC led into teenAge dream, a song Takeru wrote to his teenage self. The PV played on the back screen, drawing the audience’s eyes to that image of Takeru’s teenage self rather than the Takeru that stood on stage now. CRY OUT followed, then the first encore closed out with the audience singing along to Smells Like Virgin Spirit. “Louder! This is what you came here to do!” Takeru egged on the audience. The song ended and the members bowed and left the stage once more.

SuG had two more songs for the audience: LOVE SCREAM PARTY and Tokidoki Suteki na Kono Sekai, both positive and heavy songs that allowed SuG’s final show to end just the way they wanted to. All the members of the band and the dance teams came out to take a final bow. The band also took time to thank their staff—some of which had supported them the full 10 years—and most of all, the fans. Even after the show ended, it took ages for the members to properly say goodbye to their fans for the last time.

Setlist

1. AGAKU 2. HELLYEAH 3. Fukanzen Beautyfool Days (不完全Beautyfool Days) 4. Toy Soldier 5. Koakuma sparkling (小悪魔sparkling) 6. B.A.B.Y. 7. Mugen Styles (無限Styles) 8. Sakura Ame (桜雨) 9. Mujouken Koufukuron (無条件幸福論) 10. Howling Magic 11. Instrumental solos 12. sweeToxic 13. Keiyaku Kanojo, Ikenie Kareshi (契約彼女、生贄彼氏) 14. FRIDAY!! 15. gr8 story 16. ☆Gimme Gimme☆ (☆ギミギミ☆) 17. SICK’S 18. mad$hip 19. 10th anniversary medley 1. Alterna 2. Oreshiki Continue (俺式Continue) 3. R.P.G. -Rockin’ Playing Game 4. Vi-Vi-Vi 5. 武士度-bushido-FREAKY 6. Fast Food Hunters 7. Crazy Bunny Coaster 20. 39GalaxyZ

-Encore- 1. dot.0 2. teenAge dream 3. CRY OUT 4. Smells Like Virgin Spirit

-Second Encore- 1. LOVE SCREAM PARTY 2. Tokidoki Suteki na Kono Sekai (ときどきすてきなこのせかい)

[Live Report] SuG's Last Live "HEAVY POSITIVE ROCK" at Nippon Budokan When SuG announced their first ever Nippon Budokan concert to celebrate their 10th anniversary, there weren't many fans who expected it would also be their…

[markyishanthonymartinez]

4/17/17

i rushed home to hopefully do this before you check.

today was alright i guess.

no. no no no. 

today was great. like sometimes i think about my days and I'm like, “eh yeah it was pretty normal, decent day, whatevs,” but like that’s so dumb. like most days are so great. today was average, but there’s so many great awesome wonderful things that happen every day that i dont think about or appreciate cause i’ve become desensitized to them as being good things and that’s no bueno. 

okay gonna talk about even the lil tings.

i woke up a bit late if i’m being honest, but that’s okay. i sprung straight out of bed and made a quick breakfast (quietly of course, cause logan was slep). ate, got dressed. okay tbh i looked cute af today. i wore one of my fav shirts, which is my pink state champs shirt and like i just really think soft colors really work well with me cause they kinda play well with how dark and defined my hair and facial features are and stuff (honestly that’s probably why like 60% of my closet is white shirts). but yeah and not to mention that pink is kinda polarizing and makes people double take and idk fam, i paired that with my favorite khakis (cuffed up once of course), my normal black vans that i’ve probably worn for like 100000 days straight, and my black bomber jacket that i wear sempiternally. idk i thought the fit was fly af and i felt dank and looking good=feeling good and feeling good is always worth noting. 

went to class. instrumentation is half pointless at this point, cause like we already had our last midterm and the final isn't a written final, the only final for the class is a lab practical. and we’ve learned all the things that the practical could be on. so like in a very loose use of the word, class is kinda pointless the rest of the way. obviously there’s homework and learning and stuff so it’s not completely pointless, but having that in the back of my head just makes it a bit difficult to give my undivided attention in class. even poles was doing other stuff and he’s alwayyyyyyys the attention-payer. bags and jeff are always on their phones and I'm kinda in the middle 4ever. wait also, we got our test scores posted online like a week ago, but he hasn't even mentioned passing the test back to us and like, “fam... if the tests are graded and the scores are entered into canvas then why can't i have it?????????? @ ME” 

after class, as we do every monday, wednesday, friday, we went to the ecc and put in two hours of homework time. i almost finished the mech design due thursday and that’s good cause i need to turn my attention to the heat transfer test on thursday as soon as i can. OH DANG ALSO i finally listened to the new kendrick record. that probably sounds ridiculous considering how hyped i was for kendrick last night and i hadn't even listened to his record, but lemme essssplain. i, mark anthony martinez, love love love listening to records in full and will hold off listening to singular songs until i find the time to run through a record. i just love following the story and letting it all hit me in one fell swoop. but yeah DAMN. is DAMN. absolutely wonderful. kendrick has really outdone himself, and that’s saying something considering his last two releases have been instant classics. i just identify so much with the record and i can't say enough great things. but yeah gr8 times, did hella homework and listened to gr9 record, happy merk. 

then we all walk together to systems. okay this one asshole has been kinda trying to take our seats for the past two weeks and i’m gonna kick his teeth in next time he does it.... okay not really i’ve never been in a fight. but forreal, WE’VE SAT THERE ALL SEMESTER, 1-2-3-4-5. JT ON THE END, THEN ME, THEN POLESIES, FOLLOWED BY JEFF, AND FINALLY BAGS. EVERYONE ELSE RESPECTS SEATS. WHY CANT YOU, YOU DISRESPECTFUL UNGRATEFUL TURD BASKET. no, but really, fam has sat in the row behind us allllll semester and like just last week he decided to try us? nahhhhh, aint gonna fly. 

anyways, jt didn't get a seat with us because of that, and like he just walks up and loudly proclaims, “DAMN MAN, WHY DO PEOPLE GOTTA FUCK UP THE STATUS QUO?” same jt, same. 

systems was dope. it’s probably my most fun class considering how dynamic and interesting and just all things it is. v hard, but i love to dip my mind into the material. 

wow okay i just peeked at the clock and whoops.

ummm okay then i came home with poles and bags and logan was on the couch watching the arsenal game on his phone cause i guess the nbc sports xbox app wasn't working. so i came to the rescue and put the game on my laptop and connected it to our projector, yay haps logan. 

then we all hung out for a bit and did guy stuff.

talk shit about each other and talk about memes and make fun of bags for breaking poles’ garbage disposal

arsenal won, logan was haps, i wasn't lol. 

then poles left to go try to fix his garbage disposal lol. and logan bags and i kinda just hung out and continued the previous activities and yeah. bags left for work and logan left for the airport and i did homework while listening to más kendrick. 

then i had a game tonight. tyler didn't show up... which is weird cause like he’s the one that organized this and like is one of our better players and prettttty sure he took and nap and just slept through everything lol. but anyways, we played tke. FUCK TKE. (in case bags reads dis). but yeah uh they weren’t very good. like they weren't garb, and had a few solid players, but in the grand scheme of things they did a lot of nothing lol. we had soooooo many chances that we didn't put away. we got the first goal through nathan early on. then they tied it up and kinda celebrated all over the place, which sorta kinda maybe pissed me off. so, naturally, i scored a beautiful little heel flick that drew cheers form the tke crowd lol. and then nathan set me up beautifully for a second that i got really clean connected on and drilled passed the keeper from outside the box. it ended like that 3-1. oh oh oh also one of the refs was a rad friend that lived on my floor in the dorms that i hadn't seen in 15k years so that was nice to see her. oh wait at the end, okay hold on, why am i always a dickhead? like the the crowd kinda got on my nerves a few times cause they were just being overly rambunctious. so what does lil ole mark decide to do? i go into sarcastic mark mode, but not verbally (well okay a lil verbally), mainly physically. like one time they kicked the ball out and said they were all like WTFFFF FAM THAT WENT OUT OFF HIS BACK. and like it defs didn't and the refs knew it didn't and i’m kinda just chuckling and then one of them is like, “see, he’s laughing, he knows it went off his back” so of course, what do i do. i literally point at my back and just lay down in the middle of the court. then there were other things here or there, but yeah i was nice most of the time. 

came home, eating pizza, gonna shower and slep now. 

april seventeenth is a beautiful day.

happy birthday lil ms orange

ilylots

hope you did fun things//and even if you’re old and grody, stay beautiful

- mark anthony martinez

[thegirlthroughthelookingglass]

He has made everything beautiful in its time.

Friday. May 24, 2019.

Before diving into this significant date, I think it’s good to give a little background on what happened a few days prior.

Spring 2019, my first semester in the nursing program. I obviously did not begin the semester on the strongest foot. I was still depressed from my previous relationship and was heart broken about M not liking me back (double heart break lol). But I thought this semester would be a new beginning, a fresh start for me. It truly was, and it was great but honestly, it was emotionally, mentally, spiritually and overall physical draining. I worked so hard to get a slot into the program but once you’re in, you have to work three times as hard. I knew the work would be hard but I did not know it would be this bad. It was emotionally draining and I doubted myself several times. I reached new levels of stress and cramming I never had experienced before. I was so stressed that I resorted to Tinder. It honestly wasn’t bad at first but I realized it wasn’t a great coping mechanism when I would still get heart broken and felt used after every Tinder encounter. I hated how I became de-sensitized to everything. Fast forward May 20-22, 2019. It’s final exams week. I was worried about passing Pharm. I usually had 3-4 hours of sleep every night just cramming 108 chapters total for my three final exams. It did not help that in the last three weeks, we had 11 exams total. It really tested my limit. At that point, I just wanted to pass. I knew it would be impossible to aim for A’s across the board. 

After my last final for pharm on Wednesday, my classmates and I decided to go out for sushi and snowberry. Great experience, loved the good times and vibes. But fast forward, literally 3 days into summer (Wednesday, Thursday and Friday) I hit a new record of blowing 6 guys total. I didn’t like how I was becoming and I knew having more free time, I would fall slowly down the wrong path. The last guy I met was on Friday, 12:30pm to 2:30pm. He was the one that kept me going on this path and I was hooked. His parents were off island. The last time we fucked at his place was the first time we ever. When I came over, we talked and then went down to business. After finishing giving head, we took a break and talked more. We talked about how finals went, school, his post graduation plans etc. Then he opened up more about feeling guilty and expressed his “post nut clarity” theory. He said after talking, tbh he didn’t want to fuck anymore. I totally got it. He started venting about a girl he dated for two weeks and was so hung up on her. Me as usual went into psychologist mode and encouraged him to self reflect and at that point he had a huge revelation that brought clarity. After the whole conversation, he walked me out and gave me a long hug (he has never hugged me before) and thanked me for everything. When I left, I went to my car and I just broke down and cried.

That conversation was something I think we both needed to hear. It was such a great feeling to help him bring clarity and have him realize what he was doing was wrong. I helped him realize a lot of things about himself and his relationship. And tbh, after talking, I felt a complete closure. I felt like I didn’t need to mess around anymore. It’s funny how he was the one that kept open the box of me messing around but in the end, he closed it back for me. He gave me the indirect closure I needed and I never knew it would happen this way. I’m glad he realized it through reflection rather than him ditching me and moving on. I realized I was coping by using these guys as attention and emotional connection. I honestly was not in it for the sex, I just liked the attention and wanted to feel needed. Miraculously, I survived this semester. I finished this semester. I passed this semester. Now that it’s summer, I have no excuse to use these men or let them use me. It’s finally a fresh beginning. I really need this summer to build a new me. Going off island will help rejuvenate my entire being. 

I can’t change or fix the old me, but I can build a new me. I need to find what makes me happy. Working on myself is the best way possible. Wake up at a set time, work out at a set time. Create a routine and stick with it. I was afraid that I gave my all in the previous relationship and I would have nothing more to give in my next. Fred gave me insightful advice that the girl I was in the 4 year relationship gave everything but the girl today is completely different and has changed so much. She still has more to give. It’s true, I always say people always change every two years. I need to practice what I preach and figure out how to be happy alone instead of relying on my friends to boost me up. It was honestly an eye opening experiencing talking to X. I’d never thought it happened that way. I fucking cried hard. I’ve been holding all my emotions and it’s finally spilling out at the end of the semester. 

“He has made everything beautiful in its time.” Ecclesiastes 3:11. 

This Bible verse hit me. With time, I will heal and build a new me. I want to find my happiness. In time, the Lord will help guide me. I really do feel like I’m at peace because of my conversation and realization with X. I hope he does too and he progresses forward. If I don’t progress forward and fall back into my old habits, then it proves that I haven’t learned anything from my mistakes. When he told me that, I realized how right he was. He kept venting about his ex and wanting to get back as he messes around with other girls but he has a great girlfriend who is head over heels x5 for him. She is such a good girl. When he was describing her, it made me feel bad because I used to be that good girl. Now I feel so dirty and desensitized that when a potential boyfriend does come along, I feel like I won’t have enough to offer him. I’m glad I found this out and my hoe phase is over. I know Korn and Mike have been looking out for me and know I just wanted the attention but I’ve finally found my path and feel at peace. Who would have ever thought the fuckboy that started it all helped bring me closure. It was a nice feeling when said we are friends. I can move on and be happy. I even deleted my Tinder account permanently. There’s even more detail but this is the basic outline. It was a meaningful experience talking to him in his room and just reflecting. I’d love to talk to him again. He is a great person to hang out with and it brings me joy to know I was able to help him by just talking. He even said I should just be a psychologist. It definitely wasn’t the first time someone told me that but I know psychiatric nursing is the field I would want to pursue. lol I’m terrible since I’m jumping around but it is what it is and I’m glad I’ve grown more from this experience.

God bless Korn for being the first person I balled my eyes too and God bless Fred for spending the whole day comforting me and being my rock during my emotional journey. 

Thank you so much X. You’re a great friend. Keep progressing forward. 

lol what a gr8 way to start summer 2019 swag

[gis-is-back]

I forgot so here’s a Master Post

10/12: Thursday

OK. ummm so according to twitter this was a day i woke up in the middle of the night due to loud people in the street which never makes me happy, then I went on my phone until 3AM and yee. Still not happy about SR and my friends so I felt bad in that regard. I went on a run that morning and then must not have done anything substantial until I FINALLY turned in my OFII form so I can leave the country when I want to. Then on the way back a catcaller said something to me but idk what he said so its fine. Went to the store and got new skincare products and expected them to make me break out but as of Oct 19 we güd :-) 

10/13: Friday

Oo Friday the 13th how spooky. Went on a run and a guy wanted me to take his picture at like 8AM while im literally running past him and I said no and I’m glad i Did because a big part of this journey has been learning how to say no to boys, people, opportunities, etc. Like sure you should be open to shite but no I’m not going to say yes when I know I’m just going to feel stupid. Made a super large finsta post ab how I’m doing with weight loss and fitness and stuff and honestly felt really good about this day. 

10/14: Saturday

Literally no day, feeling, morning, instant has ever felt worse than the one I experienced the MOMENT I woke up on this morning. Was in that twilight zone in between dream and reality and heard a woman speaking in a cooing high pitched voice. Dreaming me interpreted it as my mom talking to my cat. Started thinking about it for a bit and realized that my mom (and cat) is thousands upon thousands of miles away and that I a) wont see her for another two months and b) am out in this foreign ass country all alone. CRIED SO HARD. I’m not kidding that was such an awful feeling the only thing worse that I can imagine is if there was no possibility of seeing my mom again. Yikes how awful. And from then on im pretty sure I was just sad. Stayed inside most of the day aside from my daily run and yee.

10/15: Sunday

Danielle finally came home so i had SOMETHING to do *eyeroll emoji* except im jk cuz i know there’s shit i can do. I went on a run and then met danielle for cwoffee at starbs where we “studied” for our phonetics midterm. There was a 5/10k for breast cancer that morn so in honor of it I ran 5k which was impressive for me cuz i aint ever run that far continuously. Actually ran like 3.5 miles. Went home and went grocery shopping, got some EgGpLaNt like a real fancy mofo and some salad mix but I got spinach, arugula, and a chard looking ass leaf and the arugula SUCKS but I’m making my way through it. Kept on missing home and LA and everything/one but yeet.

10/16: Monday

69 days out. Went to my 8h30, took my exam, was fine, went to my next class, was fine, went home, was gr8 i love going home haha. Then I went on a run and ran quite a lot! another 3+ miles and then decided to look at the botanical garden for once since I run past it like actually literally every day but had never been in. It was okay, really flat and not that like idk diverse like the CV Botanical Garden. Formatted the SHIT out of my calories spreadsheet so it looks awezum now.

10/17: Squad Tuesday

I hate tuesdays aka my long days but we did it boys. First class, w/e, then I had a meeting for my courses in which I got them squared away, then i had to talk to the other UC coordinator ab my time here and ended up fucking crying lmao. So annoying. Anyway, my next class was fine, got complimented af about my speaking which was lowkey very nice to hear and god damn i miss positive affirmation. Then I went for a run on the school’s track since i dont have time in the morning or after class, ran 12 laps and walked 2 but idk if its a regular track and my fitbit was doing the bs thing where it doesnt work unless i restart my phone which is so annoying. Then had my third class which was fine then my fourth which was unbearably long and I was literally watching the minutes go which made them go slower so I’m not gonna do that anymore but I do have a nice collection of drawings from every tuesday. Went home, took shower, made din, bed.

10/18: Wednesday

Woke up feeling depressed which might be the norm now, instead of wallowing I got up and ran tho even tho I was planning on just doing it after class which was good and actually ran quite a lot once again, over three miles. Got ready for school and then went. 1st class was fine, midterm next week, second class was fine, midterm next week, went home woo and binged on banana chips. Got ready for bed and was laying in bed on phone when I started being able to hear a mouse. Freaked me tf out, and basically did what I could to prevent them coming in but ended up actually trapping one inside and every time it moved I would be wide awake so i got like 0 sleep last night which was kinda shitty. MAde me super depressed this morn but I’ll save today’s details for todays post!

[lolipopncookies]

Here a story 6 years ago. I don’t know should I call love or true friends, a man or and angel. Should I begin with introduce myself first or introduce him. Hmm.. Ok let begin with me, biar u all questioning.. hahaha..

Hi my name is Christie Christ Chin. I’m Living in kota kinabalu, a state that full of culture and race. I’m 17 years old now. Living with my mom. I don’t have any brother and sister. I love candy especially lollipop. Here is my first feeling stories about a guy i named him cookies.

(Hmmmm??????? Bluring.. where to start ah???… But I clearly remember all start in a morning..

Christie.. Christieee wake up.. time go to school.. Hmm.. Good Morning mommy..(In yawing) Huhhhh.. Another boring days I need go through.. Ahhh…boring.. then i hold my two hand and i pray.. “Good morning Jesus, today Christie pray again… As Jesus know, Christie feel empty.. Please granted Christie a friend a true friend k.. where Christie can share,can count on just like u Jesus. I love u Jesus..ops..oh-ya.. A friend that not like i meet at school k.. I love u Jesus and mmm Amen”.

Hmm…ok..be strong go through another day..

 I prepared my self like usually and my mom sent me to school.

(Like usually in school,, Boring.. Yaww..fast…fast..fast.. I look at my watch.. Ringgg… yes time to go home.. i quickly close my book stuff in my bag and go home.. The end of crazy Friday.. yay..

Moment i walk to the school gate.. like usually their always somebody greeting.. Bye Christie.. by liang moi.. No please.. and i also heard someone said… so egoist.. scum..

I dint reply any of them i just want to quickly go home.. after the school gate.. i saw mom car.. i ran to it and enter the car.. “just like a little girl ran to grab a lollipop”.

 Christie : Hi mommy.. can mommy let me play lappy today.. only a while.. plss…

Mom : Hmm.. yes..but after u have your lunch and bath.. don forget doing your homework first… only a while..

Yesss. Thanks. I love you mommy..

Arrived home.. i quickly finished my lunch and take a bath.. done all my homework.. really cant wait to play lappy.. I really seldom play my lappy.. mommy only let me play it sometime.. i thinks mommy in good mood today.. hmm but why? Whatever..as long as i can play lappy. Quickly i enter mommy room and grabs my pinky sony lappy.. I place it on my table.. switch it on.. and i open my Facebook.

Hmm.. only a few notifications i saw.. I click on it and open one by one.. Happy birthday god bless u Christie.. The rest also same.. till I saw a unique greeting from a person..

“From a billion star in the sky.. from a million user in the Facebook.. knowing u at here i called it friendship.. Happy birthday Christie.. Cheers Up Always”.

I got a weird feeling reading this message.. feeling like he knowing me.. cheering me up..

I click on the profile.. huh.. Name cookies monster.. profile picture is a cookies monster.. what? Who this nerd? A blue monster..

I saw cookies monster online.. i click on it and start a conversations.. i feel weird.. i wanna know him.. wanna talk with him.. more..

Me : Hi. R u like cookies so much? CM : hahaha…Yup.. Cookies are nice.. Don you? ME : Ya.. but Christie more love lollipop then cookies.. why u dint put your own picture and name? CM : It is matter.. Should we judge a friend by their picture and name.. If yes..it mean friendship got term and conditions rite..

Such a weird person.. hmm.. i feel warm from every word i read from this person..

Me : What r u doing right now? CM : Nothing.Playing mafia-war.. Doing a trade. and u? Me : Nothing.. Just chat with u.

There is in silent.. i waiting a reply from him..

Me : Cookies Monster… I’m so boring.. CM : Today your birthday.. Din u go out with friend to celebrate.. ME : No.. celebrate with mommy only. Christie don’t have any friend.. CM : Hm.. ok.. No worry.. im your friend at here now.. If u don’t mind friend with cookies monster? U know, I will steal all your cookies.. better u hide it… ME : Hahaha.. Christie don’t mind.. And u can have all the cookies in my home if u know where Christie live. CM :  I can smell cookies.. Why u always mention your name in chat instead of using i or me.. ME : It like icon.. So everyone will remember me.. It is rhythm… same like u using the cookies monster name and picture… CM : Great.. I see few pictures of you.. U really enjoying your life.

CM : But…

(CM typing….)

ME : But what?

CM : Hmmm….. All picture got a very nice warm smile..

But.. I see something not rite.. R u really happy?

ME : Huh.. If smiley said Happy.. Do u believe it?

CM : No.. I don’t..

ME : How u know im not in happy lea?

CM : Hmm.. Secret.. Maybe..

ME : Ehh.. Secret and maybe? Mean not a secret la.. Tell smiley how u know?

CM : Hmm.. One day will let u know.. haha

ME : ish.. haha but u don’t know what the thing that smiley sad lea kan?

CM : If I figure it out.. Got reward?

ME : yup.. lollipop..

CM : Ok.. Keep it for me…

ME : Y keep it.. U dint tell me the answer yet…

CM : Oneday..

ME : Hmm..When?

CM : Coming soon…

ME : ok.. smiley will wait..

Who this person.. Seem knowing me a lot.. I slowly open my room door a bit.. Sneak peak my mom.. Nope not mommy.. I thought i was my mom pretending as a cookies monster. OVER THINKING.

CM : U like smiley icon so much ya…

ME : hahaha…. rite.. I like the smiley icon too.. ME : Can SMILEY be Cookies Monster friends? CM : That no need to ask.. We are friends.. There is no term or condition in.   Me : Really…? CM : Cross My Heart.. ME : t.. ok already mark a cross. One day i will make a cookies for you.. CM : I will appreciate every single cookies u make for me..

Hmm.. This r monster.. Not like others.. How to say.. Other guy like to say something sweet2. Such like “u so pretty” u so nice” I wanna be ur BF” wanna be my GF” can have ur no’’.. HMMM>..  maybe this blue monster also same,,, maybe this blue monster waiting for a right moment.. err.. scary blue monster.. why u not a doraemon.. also blue but nice…

ME : Can i ask u something? CM : Yes.. Sure u can? ME : How old r u? Where u school? How many brother and sister u have? CM : Wow.. suddenly so many questions.. Im 25years.. I m working at Chemical Laboratory.. I dint have any brother and sister.(Bit complicated to tell u). Anywhere i’m living with my father now and my mom pass-away when im 6 years old.

So pity guy..

ME : :( Sorry.. Feeling sorry for your mommy.. What your activity in kid? Smiley also dont have any brother and sister.. We are same.. CM : Haha.. when i small ah.. I normally destroy a thing.. All electronic stuff i dissemble it and do research.. I destroy, create even play with fire.. shocked by electric.. But most of the time i read comic..Doraemon.. My favorite comics.

ME : Doraemon? I heard it before but never read it.. I thought u like sesame street.. hahaha.. but anyway.. doraemon and cookies monster also in blue.. CM : hm.. yes.. but im not in blue.. hahaha…

I open another browser and click in to youtube and search doraemon.. I saw a title.. Doraemon nobita’s a night before wedding. I click on it.. It a short story.. Around 15 to 20minute story.. I cried watching the stories.. It regarding nobita and doraemon so curious on the nobita wedding days.. Their travel back to future on the of nobita wedding.. But Doraemon and nobita make a mistake and entered a days before his wedding.. Anyhow, their go to see nobita how prepared his wedding.. On the night, shizuka wanna make a decision to cancel the wedding due she feel that her parent will lonely after she married.. But her parents told shizuka.. You already left we a very  splendid gift. Priceless. The first gift is your birth. It was early in the morning. When i first time saw you, you was weeping like and angel. I’ve never hear such a wonderful  music. When i go out the hospital, sky on the east just begins to  became whiter but above the head sky was full of stars. under this wonderful amount of universe dust. I’ve been able to inherit my life in treasure that just are born. It was such wonderful that i couldn’t keep my tears and everyday afterward it was wonderful that you have give me. Some people have ability make you happy with some others u can feel uncomfortable. It is the most important thing in people relationship. I believe nobita certainly can make you happy. Here my eye start tearing.. Suddenly my room door been knocked.. Knock…knock.. Christie…

Huh.. papa voice.. it is pappa.. I ran to the door, open it.. I saw papa in front the door.. Papa..

Papa: Why u crying.. Such silly.. And papa weep my tears by her finger.. Papa : Prepare your self, we going having a dinner together to celebrate your birthday.. Thank papa.. Ops.. Cookies monster are still online.. i click on my facebook and saw the blue dot.. Yeas he are online now.. ME :  Can smiley have ur no? i need off now. My pappa bring us to dinner.. CM : 013 8878xxx don’t hesitate to call me when u got  a trouble. Enjoy your meal.. Gr8 day to you. ME : Thank you..

What im doing.. I ask a no.. what??? After write down the no.. smiley off the lappy.. Preparing my self to go out.. Oh.. pappa coming back today that why mom so happy.. Im happy too.. Smiley only can with papa few time a years.. Tonight go out to eat.. Normally we eat at home.. Maybe because christie allergic with some of the food..

There around 7pm, Christie, papa and mommy going to the restaurant at sutera Habour. We having a western food.. Im enjoying the meal.. I saw mommy happy face and smile.. Just like smiley smile.. Today is my most happiest day.. Mommy,papa and me.. and my only monster blue friends… Christie hope one days we all four can having a dinner together.. Thanks jesus.. I love u jesus…

I heard papa said to mommy. That after i get my SPM result.. Papa will migrate us to taiwan.. I’m happy, My wish come true. I hate people at here. I hate the way their think, The way their judge, The way their act, The way their….. But…. Suddenly my heart feel weak.. feel sad… feel a piece of my heart left over here..  ( There a pianist at the stage played a song Love not easy from huang xiao hu ).

My blue monster.. if i go.. i won’t able to find him.. I not even know his name.. his person.. suddenly i wanna call him.. to tell him that i not longer at here.. 

After finish our dinner we get a desert.. But my heart still feel sad.. I mean in moody..

At the night, Laying in my bed.. Hugging my smiley doll.. My heart still feel moody.. feel weak.. My mind lingered all cookies word.. lingered cookies blue monster face with a greedy cookies in a mouth.. Till i fallen in sleep.. On that night smiley have a dream, smiley dream making a cookies for the blue monster..

Hm.. a sunrise shine over my room windows.. Haizz.. i forget to close the curtain.. The sky look so blue today.. Blue monster.. smiley wondering cookie monster already wake up or still in sleep.. Hmm… haizz.. lazy saturday.. I look at the clock and showed 9.30am.. I wake up and wear my bunny slippers.. having a bath.. i saw mommy and papa at kitchen preparing something.. So sweet.. just like lollipop…yum yum….

Smiley switched on lappy.. but smiley dint saw the blue monster online..

 Haizzz.. ni zai na ni ah wo de blue monster.. I switched off and having a breakfast with papa and mommy.. My papa play role in praying.. But my heart prayed.. ‘’Good Morning cookies monster.. Hope u enjoyed ur breakfast today and have a nice day”.

Papa.. can i join our school intellect camping on next weeken? Pls daddy.. i really wanna join them.. After a few dicussion with mommy.. My parent let me join the camping.. Yes… i can stay a night out site.. i never been alone outsite.. wanna feel what it could be… After breakfast… we go out having a trip to few places.. But my heart still wondering what the blue monster doing now.. maybe he eating cookies right now.. huh..

10 days passed.. It a day me at school interact camping.. Here is the night, a nite I saw a real monster…

A night where a heavy raining and thunder storm. I starving, cold and scare. Mommy I regard. Im so regard came to this camping. I should listen to you mommy. Should I call mommy. No mommy will nag me. Huh what kind of camping is this. All canned food. Im allergic with it. SOMEONE help me.. No I don’t any friend. Im so alone, I hatted in my class.. nope in school.. I only got mommy at here.. Then I realize that 1 weeks ago, I knew someone.. someone quit different or can called it weird maybe. He not like other person I speak with. Should I call him. I looked at my watch, yay it already eleven eleven. I looked at my contact list in my phone. Well, so poor. Mommy, daddy and Cookies monster. Only three contact list showed. Yes. My heart signal my brain “go..go..go.. call him’’.

Sitting alone in the camp and I decided to call..

 CM       :           Tuttt…Tutt… Hello… (In sleepy sound)

ME       :           Heloo.. are u cookies monster? (Sound so low and shy)

CM       :           Yea..Who are u calling me in the midnight here? (With curious tone and a

                       heavy raining background sound)

ME       :           Hi.. I’m Christie.. I know you from FB and we chat few week ago. Do u

remember me?

CM       :           Huh.. Yea.. christie.. Why are u calling me in the middle of night? Are u

alright?

ME       :           Nope.Im hungry.. can u buy me some food?

CM       :           Yea..sure.. But where r u now? R u alone? ( with yawning )        

 ME       :           I at Sabah XXX and XXXXXX side. We having school camping at here and I

Didn’t take any meal just some junk food. Im hungry and having a gastric now.

CM       :           Wait me at there. Coming right now.

 He mean it or just fallen back in to a sleep. Huh.. well, who got to believe. He may think this is a prank call. He not even know me and we just chat a few time in FB. OH.. my stomach so hurt. Please.. God please save me.. The gastric getting worst.. (With a some drop tear in my eye company with a sound of rain and thunder. My heart feel so alone.. Why God? Why God? Why? Why so many people hate me? Why I don’t have a friends? What purpose u doing me like this? The thunder sound heaver and heaver. Sound like God speak to me. Sound like God answered me in angry mode.. Suddenly… My phone ringtone kill my complaint..

CM       :           Im nearby.. Ni zhai lai ik bian?

(im stunned, it’s true or im dreaming.)

ME       :           Christie don’t know where.. Can’t remember how to here..

CM       :           Wait me… Call u back k..

Few minute after my phone ring again..

CM       :           I saw a lot of camp just not far from my car.. But I cant drive to there.. Do  saw          my car lamp?

Me       :           Wait.. Hm.. ya.. wo kan tau lek…

I hang up the phone.. Then I ran to there.. Oh gosh.. On that time, what im thinking.. I not even think about danger.. I may rape or killed that night.

The rain get heavy and heavy.. Followed with a thunder and strong wind.. I really din feel cold.. I just want to fast go away.. Near the car, The car was red and I cant clearly see inside the car… I ran to the passenger side open the door and jump inside.. I weep my hair and face.. covered with rain.. Im not even looked at CM,, then I hear a voice..

CM       :           Wo weiyi ni you yi san. (I thought u gat umbrella)

                       Wei se me nibu jiang? (Why u dint tell me?)

Im stunned a while.. I slowly get up my head and turn to him.. and I saw.. a towel. He put at my head a wipe a bit.. and I wipe my hair.. I still donno how he look like… My heart pounding.. pounding and pounding… and now I slowly have a sneak peak.. Huh.. Not in blue color.. He sure not an alien… He just an ordinary person…. I stunned look at her.. Not a blink of eye..

CM : Sory.. did I bit look like monster?

Then he hand me a tapau.. I open the tapau,hm.. smell good.. Fried rice.. But I dint saw a spoon..

ME : You mei you chi keeng? ( Do u have a spoon?)

CM : Ops.. Wang zin na.. (Forget to request/take)

Then he took the tapau, tear a side of the tapau and hand it to me…

ME : haha.. ziang tu kei yi (Like this also can a)

He just give me a little smile. He take another tapau.. it’s a drinks.. I open it a pt the straw and gave it to me.. He tapau me a milo PING.. PING in the cold night.. hmm.. But I drink it also..

ME : Hau reng oh… Ni yau chek ma.. (Im so cold, do u wanna to eat to)

CM : Ni chek la.. (U eat la)

Then he grab something behind the sit.. Take my tapau put at the dashboard.. And cover me with his sweater.. So sweet.. This monster are sweet.. So I just wear it and continue to eat.. It so silent between us two.. and a song played in his car player.. (mei na me zian dan)After I finish eating.. I request he to sent me back home.. But he denied.. and give me a motivation word.. Ohya and a motivational story I think.. I remember the story in doraemon regarding nobita and dinosaur, Nobita dint give up to pet the dinosaur..

I looked at the monster without a blink, listen all the story.. Sound he like a uncle rite.. sepanjang dia ceritiakan, he dint look at me… He look at the front.. Hmm.. I look at his left face… a face look like a angry face.. like cookies monster.. Ok keep it short.. After ll. He grab a umbrella from behind and hand it to me.. He said take care always.. Our friendship more than tonight.. Im bit blur all the word he said.. I went back to the camp, all nite I sleep covered with cookies monster sweater.. Warm nite.. 2moro morning I get fever, when to the klinik and I stopped the interact camping.. Having a rest at home.. Im dreaming the night in the car.. Such a nice person..