#hi to anyone reading this...
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free use except i get to continue doing whatever i was already doing. laying there, playing a game?? you let me continue, my brain focused on my task and my body yours for the taking. reading a book and im pushed down, but you let me adjust so i can continue reading while you use me. me being distracted from you lets you do whatever, my lack of protest against it being permission. watching a tv show or something and im bent over and getting stuffed but im still watching it typa deal
#like obviously. this cant apply very well to like.#cooking#but with tasks where you are mostly still???#also obviously with pre established boundaries on what you can/cannot do and stuff#like yea there r limits to this but the concept of this??#perfect no notes from myself#fr33use#cnc kinda#idk if its cnc .#its not exactly MEANT to be cnc but the implications r kinda there#fr33 use k1nk#also sorta similar thing to cockwarming probably? like ur gaming and im gaming but im on ur lap stuffed.. <3#good stuff good stuff#i keep forgetting i said i wasn't gonna tag too much stuff but also i love rambling in here#hi to anyone reading this...#t4t mostly#hi trans people i love u and im fairly certain genderfluid falls under the umbrella but like i lowk don't remember how it works#t4t free use
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A fish out of water story I just remembered last year I did some siren!jon and selkie!martin, so here is some more of them, for the end of May
#occudo's art#tma fanart#jonathan sims#martin blackwood#siren!jon#selkie!martin#mermay#is mermay still a thing?#I'm bad at internet trends :'D#for the story:#martin's mum was a selike and he inherited her pelt#it doesn't fits him bc he is half human so he is only half seal in his selike form#jon is a siren#elias is a sea witch/octopus#everyone is a sea creature except peter#he is just a guy#but that's all I got for this au#so... if anyone want to write this as a fic perhaps...#feel free#i would love to read it👀
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On my list of top ten things I thought Shen Qingqiu would say: NOT THIS
Read the fic here!
#the real reason cang qiong sect wanted sqq’s body back so badly:#to study how TF his brain works#changed the scene a bit to make it more flowy for the comic srry#but i when i read this i knew: I need to visualize how i think everyone reacted 😭#if anyone knows the author’s tumblr pls comment down below#fanfic art#my art#procreate#svsss#comic#luo binghe#shen qingqiu#bingqiu#qiu haitang#yue qingyuan#liu qingge#mu qingfang#qi qingqi#gongyi xiao#qin wanyue#shen yuan#shang qinghua WISHES he was there
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academic bias is so funny because you’ll be reading about the same historical event and one person is like “Despite the troubles that befell his homeland and near constant criticism of the court King Blorbo remained strong in the face of adversity” and the other one is like “after letting his people carry the brunt of his cringefail decisions Blorbo the Shitface refused to listen to any reason and continued to be a warmongering piece of shit. Also he was ugly.”
#historians are out there beefing with ppl who died over 200 years ago. good for them#history#history memes#this isn’t really about anyone in particular#but I did read the most hilariously bitter takes on alexander I#not that it’s hard to poke fun at his vanity and indicisive nature but like. he was just a poor little meow meow#although I have some weird grudges against dead ppl as well *cough* Catherine II *cough*
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Bingyuan where Luo Bingge, after many fruitless attempts, finally manages to find a world where:
-The Nice Shizun (who he now knows to be Shen Yuan) is there
-Hasn't died from anything yet
-Doesn't already have a Luo Binghe
-Isn't seriously entangled with anyone else either
Enter 52 year old twice divorced silver fox Shen Yuan, who has only just recently come to terms with his homosexuality (after two marriages have imploded over various factors pertaining to it), and is fending off helpful advice from his sweet & encouraging teenage daughter (who is convinced her dad needs someone to look after him before she heads off to college).
#svsss#bingqiu#bingyuan#shen yuan#luo binghe#pidw luo binghe#bingge having a bit of a crisis because he's never been more attracted to anyone before in his life#shen yuan meanwhile still read pidw like thirty years ago#man takes one look at luo binghe and after the two minutes his weird brain needs to process the situation#is just like WAIT I have a TEENAGE DAUGHTER and immediately starts trying to shove him back into the dimensional rift he came from#luo binghe: i have come in search of my true love#shen yuan: no the fuck you have not
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walking american nightmare
#transformers#maccadam#gi joe#skybound comics#starscream#(HI. has anyone else also read the gi joe image comics... the ones with duke.... or is it just me.... looks around.. walks away)
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optimus flashbanging megatron on his bad moods is one of my favourite hcs - i wanted to include it in my fic but i wasn't able to!
Note: Chapter 3 of Catalyse That Vertex is now up!
Orion Swap AU masterlist (since this technically falls under the AU)
#i really wanted to surprise anyone who reads the fic with a 10k word chapter but dude it sucked my soul out im never doing it again#this is technically a part of the orion swap au but i'd like to think op would do this in every continuity#like “go! my matrix!”#and he just sics a gajillion lumen on megatron's optics#but atp megatron can see it coming and knows to shut off his light receptors and entire optic system#and then op just jumps him while his system's down lmao💀#ALSO IGNORE THE BACKGROUND PLEASE I HAVE NO IDEA HOW TO DRAW STONE#transformers#optimus prime#megatron#orion swap au#catalyse that vertex#maccadam#maccadams#orion pax#meme#transformers one#transformers prime#raon zieghart's no 3 glazer
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I haven't seen this on Tumblr yet. Cory Booker has held the floor of the Senate for a 16 hour and counting filibuster and it's all streaming on YT. Currently almost 30k people are watching. You can become one of them without even moving from your screen. In the category of "the absolute least you can do" to support a democrat actually doing something... maybe give it a watch.
youtube
#one of the other senators is asking the world's longest question right now so cory can rest his throat lmao#politics#uspol#i don't usually post politics on this account#but i don't want to log off to post it on personal#so here we are#i'm furious at the senate and I am just waiting to vote for anyone who'll primary schumer in my state#but that doesn't mean i won't support something like this#of course it's performative but right now politics is performance#and turning it on does me no harm#i just need whatever noise in the background while i work anyway#booker was reading letters from his constituents and crying when i turned it on#Youtube
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News spreads fast.
[First] Prev <–-> Next
#poorly drawn mdzs#mdzs#jin guangyao#wei wuxian#jiang cheng#I absolutely love the contrast between JGY and JGS in this scene.#While JGS is acting as an instagator and trying to fan the flames of discontent (pulling his devious (g) strings)#JGY tries to keep a fairly neutral stance. If anything he reads like someone who's attempting to chair an unruly group project.#Honestly I think this scene does so much to show us why JGY manages to become the respectable leader he does in the future.#He's actully good at leading discussions and doesn't rise to bait. He's trying to start a productive discussion with *real facts*.#There is genuine honour in his approach and he never jumps into the emotional bandwagon.#The issue at the moment is that he doesn't have same level of authority as the contrastively *worst* sect leader does.#Jin Guangshan has a very specific agenda - to gain power by throwing anyone he deems expendable into the gutter.#The story even explicitly calls him out on not being so different from Wen Rohan multiple times.#The insidious part is that he's surrounded by people who think this is all justified.#It's all about using the 'victim' narrative to leverage justification. Which I'll get into more in upcoming comics.#(cut off text in panel one is supposed to be 'dead girls walking' but I ran out of room to make that clear. whoops!)
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"You can only be jealous of someone who has something you think you ought to have yourself." Margaret Atwood, The Handmaid’s Tale
#art donaldson becoming the most interesting character to me#i'm just obsessed with his jealousy and desires#he's so opaque bc he rarely speaks up but he's an open book when you know how to read him#that much jealousy should have consumed him entirely from the inside we're lucky he's still standing#“was anyone going to tell me about this parallel or was i supposed to notice it by myself?”#i say as never check the tag bc i'm easily annoyed#this seems like an obvious parallel considering the next scene that happens with tashi but i never realized it before now oops#nasty snake donaldson they will never take you away from me!!#art donaldson#tashi duncan#patrick zweig#challengers
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Technoblade....
#not me rememebring to post this half a year after the zine it was made for got realsed becaue ei forgog#and then decided midgnight on a wednesday is the best time to post it#technoblade#philza#mcyt#yippe wohoo#i do like this thing even if soem bits bother me but whateevveerrr#missing technoblade times man augh#anyhow so yeah hi the 5 followers sho follow me for technoblade#i got you babes👍#we are listening to miotosis by fleet foxes!!#:)#also for anyone still reading im trying to be better at posting this year. which i say every year. but surley this year for realsies#<guy who thinks they post soooo often till they look in their art tag and realise they have pisted like 10 things ever probably...wops#totally gonna get better this year for sure so uh concider yourself warned because i might even follow through#so for now we are doing soem backlogging or whatever#:))#my art#see fisk i rememeber to tag my art for suureeee
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(captain america: brave new world spoilers)
sambucky scene transcript!
----
On Sam, looking at Torres in the hospital, hearing footsteps come up behind him.
Sam: "It's a private room. Go away."
Bucky comes into view beside Sam.
Bucky: "Missed you too."
They look at each other. Bucky a soft smile. Sam looks away, a smile tugging the corner of his mouth.
Sam: "I hate to admit it...I'm glad you're here."
Sam looks back to Bucky and they both go in for a hug, Bucky closing his eyes in it. They part, stood side-by-side again.
Bucky: "You looked good out there on that 6 o'clock."
Sam shakes his head a bashful smile. Then sombre again.
Bucky: "But then I saw this."
Sam: "Doctors had to restart his heart. They don't know if..."
Sam closes his eyes.
Bucky: "This isn't your fault."
Sam: "It makes me think of Steve. How many alien invasions did he stop, again?"
Bucky: "Two."
Sam: "Two. Wow. What made me think I could follow that. I should have took the serum. Like Steve. Like you."
Bucky looking at Sam.
Bucky: "Why?"
Sam: "Because this is all starting to seem much bigger than me."
Sam turns to fully face Bucky.
Sam: "Ross, he asked me to restart the Avengers, Buck. But Joaquin's in here. Isaiah's in prison. And Sterns...I had him. I had Sterns. Right in my hands. And he got away. He damn near pushed us to the brink of war, because I wasn't—"
Sam emotionally cuts himself off.
Bucky: "Say what you need to say."
Sam looks down, then back to Bucky.
Sam: "Steve made a mistake."
Bucky: "No he didn't. He gave you that shield, not because you're the strongest, but because you're you. You think if you had that serum, you'd be able to protect all the people you care about. Steve had it, and he couldn't. You're a human being and you're doing your best. Steve gave people something to believe in, but you...you give them something to aspire to."
Sam squints at Bucky.
Sam: "Did your speech writers help you with that?"
Bucky: "They did, yeah, the ending, a little bit. Well, did you like it? Was it—?"
Sam: "No no, it was good. Solid...B plus."
Bucky: "Yeah. Emotional."
Sam: "Very. I felt it."
Bucky: "But just enough."
Sam: "Yeah."
Bucky: "Listen, I've gotta...catch a plane. I have a campaign fundraiser. It's so stupid."
They look over Torres, smiling. Bucky looks at Sam.
Bucky: "He's gonna be all right, man."
Sam looks at Bucky, shakes Bucky's hand.
Sam: "Thanks, Buck."
Bucky: "I love you, buddy."
Bucky cuffs Sam's arm and leaves; Sam nods, looking after him.
#sambucky#mine#cabnw sambucky transcript#mcu#captain america brave new world#ca:bnw#sam wilson#bucky barnes#captain america 4#brave new world#captain america brave new world spoilers#brave new world spoilers#captain america: brave new world#cabnw#cabnw spoilers#this doesn't even capture the emotion GOsh. the way that they are...#the way bucky looks at sam. the way he's so genuine and serious and prompting and loving when he asks why.#the love he has when he says no he didn't. how resolute he is.#the way they're such an open and supportive space. Gah. bucky barnes the husband that you are to this man.#couple who are a TEAM. they're everything#I won#not even mentioning the framed picture sam keeps of him and bucky on the most eye-level shelf in his office!!!#and sam didn't want anyone in that room with him...but when it was bucky? that healed his whole soul 🥺#(I actually think I've tagged this with spoilers enough ways to not have a read more??)
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[It's Just a Theory!]
Just a simple theoretical discussion ^v^
Wanted to see what he would sound like with MatPat's voice then got. just a tinyyy bit carried away..........
#props to anyone who finds all the little details I sprinkled throughout :D was a fun video to make ehehe#was supposed to finish this like. a month or something ago?? (I started the literal day he announced his retirement i think ksdfksdd)#im gonna abuse my access to video editing and animation software so much this summer >:)))))#transformers#mtmte#maccadam#transformers fanart#maccadams#tf idw#more than meets the eye#frootertooter archive#lost light#brainstorm#mtmte nautica#nightbeat#nautica#minimus ambus#perceptor#swerve (with us in spirit.. hahah get it? Spirits as in alcoh-sorry i'll leave)#bean if u read this this is ur fault /hj
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smth i honestly recommend everyone should do is like. keep a private folder of art u like on ur computer lol. and like. download art u like when u see it. ur gonna lose stuff Forever if u just like it, u know? and like, discord archives arent really enough lol. I have been downloading art since like 2016 & I have a LOT of art that was scrubbed from the internet otherwise, especially due to like. the antics of deviantart & twitter. And on things like twitter theres Barely a way to save art to begin with (bookmarks is Not good enough)
u do kinda lose Credit a lot of the time (unless u save it with it named? which i do sometimes but not always) and often like, it won't be the Perfect HQ or itll have a massive watermark on it. but like. since it's not really for Sharing as much as its for my own personal enjoyment, these things don't really bother me at all... Having a collection of art that i love that I can look at offline & like, On My Computer is so nice. And I back up a lot of it on hard drives when i back up my own art! Again, like, a lot of these pieces this is the Only way i can look at them anymore, and Maybe the only archive OF them.... I've had pieces from my friends Before they were my friends, that i just saved as a "fan", that THEY lost years later... I have pieces they hadn't Seen in years. And every year I Probably save at least a few more pieces that will become like, totally scrubbed from technology otherwise. idk. i think it's nice to have an archive of this art that is in my taste but also like, that i'd likely Lose otherwise.
i Hope people save my art. I don't honestly Think anyone does, but I Hope that like, if my shit ever blows up and all my accounts get scrubbed, Someone has at least one drawing I made saved to their computer 2 remember me. u know. Its like a scrapbook. I remember these ppls characters, i remember the communities at the time, i remember how i felt when i first saw the piece. Its really inspiring but also genuinely like, really Important to me and sentimental. I kinda think everyone should have their own collection but I think people are genuinely Scared to right click & save ppls art LOL. Genuinely where is the harm, though.
#idk i really think ppl are afraid of it and like#i think. some artists might at first think “ew no i dont want ppl doing that to my art”#y#like why#like actually.... whats the difference between them looking at ur art on a social media feed vs on their own pc#its beautiful and inspiring and doing a part to archive ur work#cuz like we've been shown time and time again that social media degrades#why wouldnt u want it except like. Just out of kneejerk Fear of people having too much access to ur work#they arent Stealing from u...#thats not what this is LOL#idk maybe this is a hot take but i dont think its a take anyone has any real opinion on cuz i think most ppl dont#like... think about it that hard#but i think ppl should do it#have ur own personal collection 2 refer to#i still have like... my favorite pieces from when i was in middle school#do u know how much that Means to me?#its better at holding my memory than like... anything else... cuz i take it with me#i have art from my Friends back then and my favorite artists#and i can see how clearly my spaces and my tastes have changed over time#i can always draw back the lines of inspiration and hold them close to my heart#idk. im rambling. hi . are u reading the tags. probably not . LOL#im talking to myself#whateva#text post#text
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All eyes on me
#eitaku#takumi sumino#the hundred line#the hundred line last defense academy#eito aotsuki#illustration#hndr fa#hndr spoilers#the hundred line spoilers#i dont know if anyone is gonna read this but#eitos deeply craves physicsl intimacy but he doesnt know it because of his disorder so he finds joy in pushing takumi's buttons because#takumi responds by being physically violent bc he finds a sick twisted pleasure in hurting/killing eito but hed never admit that#because he desperately wants to hold on to his “save everyone” mentality and if he gives in to his desires then hed be giving up on karua
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It's thinking about Darcy desperately yearning running into Elizabeth at Pemberley hours.
Like, you fell in love with this woman, but rationally (pridefully) you though it wasn't something you should pursue. But you can't forget her, and then she's at Rosings... and the more you see her - with her wit, her eyes, the liveliness of her mind - the more she undoes every expectation of who you should marry that you'd ever had. You prolong your trip to see more of her, you start imagining what it will be like married to her and unwisely after only seeing her again for a week begin asking how she'd feel living far away from Longbourn, and even hint things like she'd be staying at Rosings next time she visits Kent.
It's too much. You're feeling too much.
She's due to visit for tea the night before you take leave, and an evening gives far more opportunity for privacy and conversation than sitting in Mrs Collins' drawing room for half an hour the next day.
But she doesn't come, she's feeling ill, and you won't see her. If you don't make an effort, you might never see her again. It's not like Bingley will be going back to Netherfield anytime soon, after all.
You bail on the evening and go check if she's ok.
It's late, but you have to see her.
She's not super friendly when answering your questions about whether she's feeling better, yet that's to be expected when someone has a headache. But she's there, sitting with you quietly, and then you're so agitated that you begin pacing.
It's inescapable. You love her too much.
You'll marry her, and deal with all the impropriety of her family's connections and behaviour. She's worth it.
Because of course she'll say yes. You've been so open that she must be expecting your addresses. It doesn't occur to you that you're wrong to assume she's wishing for it.
Then she rejects you.
And she doesn't only reject you: she shatters your entire perception of self. Not immediately - oh, she creates a large crack, but it takes some time for you to do justice to her words. But they linger, inescapably.
"Had you behaved in a more gentlemanlike manner."
You're bitter, and angry, and hurt, and offended, and the sense of doubt isn't going away. But there is one thing you can do, that you have to do.
You write her a letter to explain yourself against the accusations she levied your way - some unjust, but others will eventually gnaw at you until you're forced to face them and stare directly at all the faults you didn't know you had.
You know it won't make her accept you.
The turn of her countenance you'll never forget, as she said that you could not have addressed her in any possible way that would induce her to accept you.
But you need to write the letter: to explain, to warn, and maybe - just maybe - make her think a little better of you.
If she even gives credit to anything you say.
She thinks so little of you she might dismiss your arguments and only hate you more for what you said of her family.
God, you basically insulted her family again in the letter. With an apology, yes, and as an explanation, but you knew at the time that those comments and what you divulged of Wickham would give her pain. But it's necessary. You still believe that, even as time goes on and you begin to wonder if all it achieved was making her hate you more.
The last time you saw her was as you handed her that letter.
She hadn't spoken.
You weren't yet master of your emotions enough to see her and be friendly, the best you could do was try be composed.
If only you'd been truly as calm and composed as you thought you were when you wrote that letter. You can see now that you wrote in a dreadful bitterness of spirit. There were some expressions you used, the opening of it, which alone would be enough to justify her hate. Though, despite your emotions, you never doubted for a moment in her goodness - never doubted that she won't spread around what you divulged of your sister.
She hates you, but all the reasons you love her are still there.
That's something that doesn't change as you slowly unravel the flaws her reproofs revealed to you and you try to become the person you always thought you were. So many behaviours, and the emotions that governed them, were not what they ought to be. Your principles were always good but you followed them in pride and conceit.
You were blind until she cut you to the quick. Opened your eyes to yourself and taught you such a hard lesson - but it was for the best. She properly humbled you and taught you how insufficient all your pretensions were to please a woman worthy of being pleased. Even if you never see her again you will be worthy of the title gentleman.
You will work to become the person you want to be.
Her rejection doesn't hurt so much as the knowledge that she was right and you failed yourself and so many others. Any anger or blame you felt for her words when refusing your hand are long since passed. If she had been able to overlook those flaws she wouldn't have been the woman you love.
The more you reflect and seek to rectify your behaviour the clearer it all becomes. In trying to understand yourself you realise that so many of these flaws have existed almost your whole life. And yet, despite how obvious it now seems, you had no idea.
Though your parents were good themselves they spoilt you - first as an only child, then as an only son - and you grew selfish and overbearing, caring only for your small family circle. Thinking meanly of the rest of the world, wanting to think meanly of their sense and worth compared to your own.
You owe the world so much better.
Your position, far from giving you leave to treat others as inconsequential, means you have a duty to think of others and ensure they are not wronged. Yes, you've done that broadly - especially on your estate, and always with servants and the poor - but what of in smaller ways, to those closer to your own rank? Have you directly treated them with civility and respect?
You know the answer now, but you're doing your best to fix it.
For almost four months, you ruminate on her words and turn yourself into a gentleman you can respect. Someone worthy of the respect you've so rarely had to actually earn. Someone who might've been worthy of her respect from the beginning.
You've never stopped loving her.
Almost four months, and you're not sure if you'll ever see her again.
You certainly weren't expecting to leave the stables after arriving at Pemberley and find her standing in front of your house.
Your eyes meet.
You freeze in place.
Four months of distance and then twenty yards away from each other.
She's blushing (so are you).
Your brain is too surprised to work.
She's here.
She's here and you're just standing there.
You have to go to her. Even if you didn't still love her, it's the polite and friendly thing to. (But you do still love her, and so her presence is a physical weight in your chest that you could scarce resist).
She had turned away briefly, but turns back when you approach.
You hardly know what you say, she hardly raises her eyes to meet yours, but you hear her voice, and she doesn't sound annoyed when she answers that her family is well.
Honestly, despite how discomposed you are by seeing her without time to prepare, your instinct is to stay by her. Even if it means speaking like a fool. You're pretty sure you ask her when she started travelling and how long she's been in Derbyshire at least thrice. But you start to recollect yourself, breathing a little more evenly, and run out of things to say. Remembering that she's here with friends and you've just come from the road, you take your leave.
Your thoughts stay with her though.
She was still just as lovely as ever. More civil to you than you have any claim to.
Your housekeeper says a gentleman and two ladies were taking a tour of the house, and have now gone with the gardener to see the accustomed part of the park. You know the place.
As your valet helps you change your thoughts solidify: you can meet them, and, through every civility in your power, show her that you aren't resentful of the past.
She's so close, and you can't lose this chance to perhaps obtain her forgiveness, lessen her ill opinion, by showing that her reproofs have been attended to.
And, maybe, you're just desperate for any excuse to see her.
By now, you've been in love with her for more than eight months, despite trying, really trying, to forget her both when you left Hertfordshire and Kent. It's pointless, either you'll recover in time or you'll spend the rest of your life in love with her. At this point you don't even want to fight it. Despite the pain of her not feeling the same way, she did you the greatest good anyone could, by showing you who you really were. You improved yourself because you should, without any expectation of seeing her again, but one thing that you can't alter about yourself is your love for her.
Right now, what matters is being near her and showing her you can be a real gentleman.
So, you follow her and her companions to the stream.
She speaks first this time. Putting herself forward to be friendly and polite. Proof, surely, that she doesn't hate you so much anymore? She's almost her usual smiling self, though she goes red and silent while admiring Pemberley's beauty.
You can understand why - you had determined to not ask whether she liked your home in case it sounded like you were wondering whether she regretted rejecting you and thus Pemberley. You know she didn't mean anything by her praise (and she'd known you were rich when she turned you down) but you understand her sudden embarrassment.
Although... when did she start caring that you might misunderstand her and think badly of her? She didn't care the last time you met.
But that's not important now. It's for you to ease the conversation and prove yourself. So you change the subject, and ask her to do the honour of introducing you to her friends.
Her surprise is obvious, and fair. Seeking the acquaintance of strangers, even respectable-looking ones, just wasn't something you used to do regardless of what the well-bred and civil action was.
And what does it say about you - with all your newfound respect and civility - that you're still surprised when the fashionable couple she's with turn out to be the very aunt and uncle you'd previously declared would be a disgraceful connection. You recognised you were wrong to be so dismissive, so rude, but the core assumption that the tradesman brother of Mrs Bennet and his wife must be noticeably vulgar had clearly remained. Yet here they were, everything elegant and well-bred.
How right Elizabeth had been about you.
But now you can show her that was the past, and your manners are improved and prejudices lessened.
You walk back with them, talking to the uncle, who has intelligence, taste, and sense. You like him a surprising amount. He points out trout in the water, and you're glad to invite him to fish here while they stay in the area. You have all the supplies he might need, and know the best spots. As you speak with him your attention is only half distracted by who walks behind you at a short distance.
Hopefully her uncle's happiness makes her happy also.
You have the chance to see, when the walking arrangements change and then she's the one walking beside you.
Honestly, you're not immediately sure what to say, but again, she speaks first.
Yes, she almost certainly doesn't hate you anymore.
Her explanation that she'd been assured of your absence before visiting sounds more like she doesn't want you to think her rude, than expressing disappointment that you are here.
Yes, whatever her past insults, she definitely cares that you don't think badly of her...
As though you ever could.
In mentioning why you returned a day early you mention who you're with, and too late saying Bingley's name reminds you that the last time you two spoke of him was when she (rightfully) blamed you for separating Bingley and her sister.
That silences you for a moment - but she doesn't respond with anger.
Composing yourself, you ask if your sister might be introduced to her. You've spoken of Elizabeth so highly to Georgiana, and so often, that your sister would love to meet her. You don't need to ask - your sister is the social superior, her wishing for the acquaintance is strictly enough for the introduction to be made - but you want to. You mean it, when you ask Elizabeth whether you're asking too much by facilitating the introduction. You want her to have the chance to say no.
But she says yes.
(Even sounding pleased about it, though surprised.)
Which is also a yes to seeing you again during her stay at Lambton. Renewing your acquaintance, despite everything.
The happiness, however irrational, this creates cannot be quelled.
You love her too dearly to not appreciate every fragile overture and sign that she must no longer think you so bad. The letter - your own improved civility - one or both has done away with her dislike.
Replaced it with... well, anything other than dislike is a place to begin.
This time the silence stretches as you walk; she, perhaps, just as lost in thought as yourself.
You could get used to walking around Pemberley with her.
A dangerous thought.
You scarce know what to say as you wait by the carriage for her aunt and uncle to catch up, after she declared herself not tired when you asked if she wanted to come into the house. But, again, she makes the effort to talk to you. You've never spoken of Matlock or Dovedale so persistently, but you want to keep talking to her - hearing her voice - receiving her smiles - for every moment that you can steal.
Four months apart and then the first day seeing her again your heart loves her more than ever before.
And she no longer hates you.
You would have them all come inside, take refreshment, stay, please stay a little longer, but they felt it was time to return to the inn. They're leaving, but you've already organised to bring your sister to see her the day after tomorrow, so it's only a short parting.
Not another four months.
You hand her aunt up into the carriage - and then Elizabeth.
Who is dearest and loveliest to you still, though you might never be able to say those words to her.
You're so aware of feeling her hand in yours, though gloved; the weight and warmth of it. The brief tightening of her fingers on yours as she takes the step up, leaving you bereft when she lets go.
You don't watch them drive away, though you feel her absence palpably as you slowly walk back to the house.
But it's only two days - two days before you'll see her again.
And they're staying for a little while.
All of it is more chances to show her the person you are now. Both the good qualities you never properly revealed before, and the newer ones deliberately acquired to remedy the errors she revealed. Show her you're a man she might admire.
Perhaps a man she might one day be able to love.
It's almost embarrassing, to admit how quickly that wish introduced itself after seeing Elizabeth again.
It probably took under half an hour after you saw her again.
#you ever get consumed with the *yearning* and just need to ramble about it? Because I do.#exploring yearning is a passion of mine as anyone who's read my fanfic will know lol#and ah I've done it again I've written a lot when I wanted to write something brief#my curse#it's the amount of pining from the unrequited love we can read into Darcy's pov that's to blame#p.s. So many of Darcy's lines of his self reflections (we get so little!) live rent free in my head can you tell#(also remembered after posting this that he didn't plan with Liz to bring Georgiana in two days she assumed with Mrs Gardiner whoops)#pride and prejudice#jane austen#elizabeth bennet#fitzwilliam darcy#mr darcy#elizabeth x darcy#darcy x elizabeth#fanfiction#austen opinions#mine
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