#his breakdown Really stuck with me. it was so haunting

[anatomical-puppet]

THIS ISN’T ME, EITHER!

[long-live-astronerd-ghost-king]

DPXDC prompt ~Dead on main~Someone is walking over my grave

Jason sits on his tombstone and thinks about..something.

He lazily washes off the dirt that has been stuck on his army boots after the rain. It covers the year of his death perfectly. Grinning, he puts out a cigarette by using the mentioned stone. The cigarette butt throws between ugly funeral wreaths.

Danny: Hey, asshole, stop it!

Jason turns around. A very angry twink is rushing at him. The notorious crime lord does not have time to react when a fist hits him. Red Hood falls into a puddle. Shit! His favorite leather jacket!

Jason: What the hell are you doing?

Danny: No. What the hell are you doing?! Just because a man is dead doesn’t mean you must not respect him. You’re in a cemetery. Behave yourself, shithead. Or I’ll teach you manners.

Jason: You’re not from around here. Right?

Danny: So what? I doubt it’s normal to wipe your feet using a tombstone. Even in Gotham.

A malicious gremlin folds his arms on a chest.

Jason sits in a puddle more comfortably and pulls another cigarette out of his pocket. Damn, it’s wet.

Jason: If you were gothamite, I wouldn’t have to explain. It’s my grave, idiot. I do what I want with it.

Jason throws useless source of nicotine at his photo with black ribbon. The person who convicted him takes a couple of seconds to compare the vandal to the buried one.

Danny: Aw, shit, man. My bad, I didn’t mean to interrupt your break.

Jason’s eyebrow rises in surprise. From the outsider he expected more screaming and running. Not…apologies.

Jason: Yeah? Tell that to my favorite leather jacket. Now you can bury it next to me.

Bad Jason, bad. That’s not how normal people talk.

Danny: I’ll make amends. Tomorrow, okay? It’s my first working day. I’ve decided not to take my wallet. Need to find a safe route.

Jason: First day?

Danny: Yes, new cemetery guard here in the flesh. But I have not had time to meet all of inhabitants. Mistook you for a bad boy in a story. Well, it is your fault too! I understand you’re upset about death or maybe about the color of wreaths but please just put all the shit in the trash. I’m Danny, by the way.

Jason: Ha, I was wondering why there was no regular dude at work. Probably my neighbors drove him to a breakdown. He was an asshole, so no regrets.

Danny: Do you think so? Mrs Dent didn’t seem restless to me, she was quite nice.

The guy didn’t seem to catch the joke. Or was crazy. Why are all the hot people in Gotham are? Doesn’t matter. Why not try, right?

Jason: Don’t worry about the money. You can repay me with something else.

Danny: So you regenerates the suit? Cool. What do you want?

Jason: Um, I don’t get it, but… as compensation, I’m wanna have your number and one date.

Danny: Sure, why not.

Danny looks at the headstone.

Danny:Can you go outside the cemetery...Jason? The place is romantic, I agree, but where I grew up, it’s not customary to bring a mate at the place of rest until you meet parents.

Jason: Seriously? Cheesy horror movies didn’t teach you not to mess with zombies?

Danny: Well, I’ve never had a partner who was attracted to my brilliant brain. It must be pretty nice. And I don’t mind a couple of love bites, zombie boy.

Danny’s playfully batting his eyelashes. Jason can’t help laughing.

Danny: The less fair opinion among my friends is that I’m just brain-dead idiot. But I think they just don’t understand the benefits of adrenaline addiction, miserable humans. *pretends to wipe off a tear*

Jason *pretends to sniff*: Aw, hell, you really are a brainless doll, aren’t you?

Danny: Even so, it just means I’m perfectly safe.

Jason: Don’t think so. I want a piece of you.

Danny: Then don’t be afraid that the feeling is mutual. My teeth are also quite sharp. And when I’m haunting, it’s not easy to get rid of me.

The cheeky smile has given way to a serious look.

Danny: If we don’t get along, tell me right away, I’m not good at reading other people’s emotions.

~~~~~

Red Hood may be the son of the greatest detective but blinded by love Jason realizes that his boyfriend is quite dead only after a couple of months. He used to think Danny was a little…weird. Well, who in Gotham isn’t? It wasn't a problem. But during a funny fight about ignoring Danny in favor of a conversation with Tim , Fenton goes through him to grab his phone and then shouts that 'ghosting him is racist'.

Jason was delighted that he was able to hide his surprise. His boyfriend was too sweet, but sometimes insecure. Jay didn’t want Danny to start being cautious. Evidently, Honey thought from the first day that Jason knows. Let him keep it that way. Nothing has changed.

But now Danny’s promises to haunt Joker for the rest of his life if Jason wants it stopped being just super-hot flirt. So Jason need to make sure he doesn’t sic his darling poltergeist or whoever Danny is on someone. Even if it sounds good.

~~~~~Family dinner~~~~~

Dick: How did you two meet?

Jason: That’s a great story. My brave man beat the vandal who was messing with my grave.

Bruce: What? Who dared?

Danny: Jason, stop. It’s embarrassing.

Jason: No~ My family needs to know that chivalry is dead. My hero. Jason can’t resist a kiss on the cheek.

Danny: Taking this opportunity, I want to thank you all. It means a lot that you accepted Jason even not fully alive.

Alfred: Nonsense. Of course we..He’s family, no matter what.

Danny: Until the death separates us. Even at a wedding, love is promised only for a while. In parenthood, they do not take any oath about it. You’d be surprised how little past relationships can mean to people and how easy it is to hate what we are.

Danny: Damn, I ruined the mood, didn’t I? Sorry.

~~~~~

Jason: B, with all due respect, back off. You should ask Constantine how to help Danny if his family becomes a problem. Don’t mark my babe as a problem.

Bruce: I asked. And he laughed at me and said that you are the one who need protection. not him. Your Fenton is dangerous. Ghosts of such power only emerge in cataclysms after a large burst of energy or reach this level after centuries of battles or cannibalism and battles.

Jason: Seriously, old man? My boyfriend’s not gonna eat me. I’m not Red riding hood and he’s clearly not pretending to be my grandmother.

~~~~~~

Danny: Hi, honey. what’s new?

Jason noted with satisfaction that Danny had eaten all the supplies he had prepared for him.

Jason: Nothing, but now I have an idea for great Halloween costumes for us. They are gonna drive the old man crazy.

Danny: Did you fight again? What is it this time?

Jason: Guess what, now B’s worried you want to bite off my dick or something.

Danny: First, eew, disgusting. Don’t talk about our intimate life with fucking Batman. Why would he think that? I like you whole.

Jason: Whore?

Danny: Idiot.They don’t even sound alike.

Jason: Just admit that I am an eye candy and kiss me already. I need a break from the madness of my family.

~~~~~

Later Danny blackmails Constantine for information about the interrogation from Batman.

Then he sends a short message to the group chat : Tell the future father-in-law that while Jason can cook, he is safe from me.

The chat explodes from questions of Batclan to Bruce. Jay has great brothers and sisters. Danny knew their chaotic energy could be relied upon.

~~~~~

In the morning Jason yells at Tim. Why the hell did Replacement put "Friends For Dinner" from The Land Before Time as his alarm melody?

~~~~~

Bruce *is suspicious of the ghosts at the wedding*.

GhostWriter: Do not think that we like it. The boy is involved in his own version of Twilight. Oh Ancients, I hope the Ancients don't know about it.

Clockwork aka one of Ancients: Come on, that’s sweet. And story will have a happy ending. I guarantee.

~~~~~

Jason's in a date simulator with no chance of losing when everyone thinks he’s in a horror game. Is Danny dangerous? Yeah. Did he hunt when they first met? Who knows. The main thing in the middle of the conversation Danny realised he found a creature with a similar sense of humor. So that made Jason 10 out of 10 aka soulmate and he would kill for him.

[thelifeofchuckmovie]

When it comes to ending the world, Stephen King is a repeat offender. He has brought life as we know it to a brutal conclusion several times over the decades, usually highlighting the cruelty and desperation that erupts among the last to go. But his 2020 story “The Life of Chuck” uses doomsday to evoke some unlikely sentiments: Wistfulness. Gratitude. Even joy.

The idea of creating an apocalyptic version of It’s a Wonderful Life is what led filmmaker Mike Flanagan to call dibs on the rights to the novella more than four years ago. The breakdown of society, extinction-level natural disasters, and the disintegration of reality itself is explored through the lens of one relatively meek and mild accountant, played by Tom Hiddleston, whose memories and choices are mysteriously connected to these tribulations. Retirement posters congratulating him on “39 great years” pop up everywhere. But who is this guy? What job does he do (or did he used to do)? And why does it matter so much to the fate of the world? This apparent nobody named Chuck Krantz has lived larger than anyone thought possible.

Having explored King country before in 2017’s Gerald’s Game and 2019’s The Shining sequel Doctor Sleep, Flanagan got involved after reading an early copy of “Chuck” before it was published in the collection If It Bleeds. The Haunting of Hill House and Fall of the House of Usher creator produced the film independently, believing it might be too offbeat for risk-averse studios to greenlight. He even secured a waiver from the striking Hollywood guilds last year to move forward with the shoot while the rest of the industry was stuck in the work stoppage. Now he and Hiddleston are ready to reveal the finished version of The Life of Chuck as it heads to the upcoming Toronto International Film Festival, where it will screen for potential distributors.

Among the skeptics about this adaptation was King himself, according to Flanagan. “His initial responses to me were a little like, ‘Oh, okay. Yeah. If you think that’s a movie…,’” he says. “He did say several times that he thought it would be a challenge to get it supported through traditional means.”

King has now seen the finished movie and no longer has doubts. He described it to Vanity Fair as “a happiness machine.”

“Well, he’s written something very tender and very wise,” Hiddleston says. “I think there is a great wisdom in the soul of the story, which is that it takes courage to hold on to what is good in a world that feels like it’s falling apart.”

Flanagan hopes others see it that way too, although the overpowering dread that begins the story may be more immediately relatable. “I’ve heard it said that every generation feels a little like the world is ending at some point, [but] I still feel like it’s different for us,” the 46-year-old filmmaker says with a mordant laugh. “Institutions we took for granted as propping up our society are failing left and right. Our politics have degraded spectacularly. The sense that it’s breaking down, that the world is moving on, has been increasingly palpable. When I talk to my parents or members of older generations who have been through their own turbulent times, the thing that strikes me is that they’re like, ‘Oh yeah, this is really bad.’”

But…it’s not entirely bad. And that’s the underlying message of The Life of Chuck as its various mysteries play out. “There’s no sense of terror in the way that King drew it,” Flanagan says. “Even as the world feels as though it’s ending, people become introspective, they reach into their past for loves that have left their lives for one reason or another. Strangers engage in open and fearless communication.”

It’s an indie-film variation on the big-budget cataclysm story. “A disaster movie has people meeting the end while running from tidal waves, and this story has people sitting quietly holding hands looking at the stars,” Flanagan says.

The key to it all is Chuck himself, although he doesn’t turn up onscreen until the second segment of the three-act story, which plays out in reverse chronological order.

The beginning is actually the end, as the whole world circles the drain. Caught in this spiral is Chiwetel Ejiofor (12 Years a Slave), a school teacher trying to apply logic to the planet’s troubles; Karen Gillan (Guardians of the Galaxy) is his ex, a hospital worker determined to save everyone she can; Matthew Lillard (Scream) is a construction worker neighbor who finds zen amid the chaos; and Carl Lumbly (Alias), plays a funeral director who has dedicated his life to easing people through death.

The end of the movie is actually the beginning, showing young Chuck (Benjamin Pajak) when he was a boy being raised by his grandparents (Mia Sara of Ferris Bueller’s Day Off and Mark Hamill). The insight of these two—coupled with the otherworldly revelations he finds in an eerie room tucked into the peak of their Victorian home—help him learn to seek out bright spots when life is marred by sorrow and darkness.

In elementary school, young Chuck discovers some important things about himself thanks to guidance from a brusque dance instructor (Samantha Sloyan), and a kindhearted English teacher, played by Kate Siegel, who gives the boy (not to mention the audience) some important information that serves as a code breaker for the story's more cosmic puzzles.

As for the middle of the film: It’s a dance number. That’s when Hiddleston steps in.

Compounding the peculiarity of The Life of Chuck is the question: Why is this song and dance sequence so important? The answer is for the movie to reveal, but it matters a lot. “The life of every human being is a constellation, as expressed in this film,” Hiddleston says. “There are certain moments which will burn most brightly as individual stars. Sometimes it feels like the world is going to hell in a handcart, and it’s full of pain and suffering, and it is—but there are moments of deep joy and deep connection.”

Hiddleston shows the audience this single moment in the life of a buttoned-up fellow who somehow controls the destiny of the world. It’s not necessarily the most important day in his life, but it’s a memorable one involving a street drummer (Taylor Gordon), a lovely stranger (played by Annalise Basso), and a fateful decision to cast aside caution and cut a rug. “It’s a reminder to do whatever it is that expresses whatever gives you that feeling of being alive,” Hiddleston says. “Whether it’s music or dancing or math or writing or creativity—do it. Do it now. Those moments are what you’ll remember.”

Flanagan considered casting a relative unknown as Chuck to “give the audience the experience of ‘Who the hell is this person?’” as the peculiar retirement signs begin to appear in the midst of the apocalypse. But he felt the promise of the Loki star would build more curiosity as the world falls apart. “You grow an enormous amount of anticipation to finally spend time with an actor like Tom, who can be a literal god in one story, and then an everyman in another,” Flanagan says.

A TikTok video of Hiddleston getting his groove on sealed the deal. “He had a completely unfiltered joy on his face,” Flanagan says. “He was a good dancer, but that wasn’t what struck me. I wasn’t amazed by the technique so much as the degree of happiness that was radiating off of him. The look on his face made me smile the same way I smiled reading that particular portion of the book.”

The resulting scene was created in a month-long collaboration between Flanagan, Hiddleston, Basso, choreographer Mandy Moore (So You Think You Can Dance, and La La Land), and Gordon, a real-life percussionist who performs under the name the Pocket Queen. “Taylor was there for all of the dance choreography. She wrote that piece of music for that performance. They built it together,” Flanagan says.

Hiddleston rattles off the lists of influences: “I had to learn in six weeks the full regime of any dance training. We did jazz, swing, salsa, cha-cha, the Charleston, bossa nova, polka, quickstep, samba. We were trying to tip our hat to anything that might have influenced Chuck. It might’ve had a bit of Gene Kelly or Fred and Ginger. Certainly moonwalking—Stephen King is very specific about the moonwalk.”

Precision was not the goal, exuberance was what they sought. “We need to always bear in mind that this man is an accountant. We needed this to be an earnest, escalating explosion of joy, and a remembrance of who he was,” Flanagan says. “It’s a chance to step back into the skin of his younger self, not caring that his feet are going to kill him the next day, not caring that he’s going to wake up with a horribly stiff neck.”

A surprising thing happened while shooting the scene over the course of several sweltering afternoons in the deep South. “I burned holes in my shoes,” Hiddleston says. “I was dancing out on the asphalt in Alabama, and by the time we’d finished, you could see my socks through the soles.”

The sequence begins awkwardly: Chuck is self-conscious as he first hears the busker’s rhythm while walking back from a banking conference. That feeling quickly gets shaken off. “Tom was very committed,” Flanagan says. “He was like, ‘If I look silly, that’s fine. As long as I look happy.’”

Flanagan remembers being in a bad place when he first discovered “The Life of Chuck.” Then again, everybody was.

His copy of the manuscript arrived in March 2020. “That was just as the world shut down for COVID,” he says. “We had been a week away from starting principal photography on Midnight Mass in Vancouver and had fled across the border before it closed to make it back to the States. We were hunkered down in our homes and had no idea if this was going to last for two weeks or if this was going to last forever.”

With everything halted as the lockdown set in, Flanagan had plenty of time to do nothing but read. The new King book seemed like the perfect escape. Except…

“The first third of ‘The Life of Chuck’ just rattled me,” he recalls. “There’s no way he wrote this before the world ground to this bizarre halt—but he did. And the feeling of anxiety, and uncertainty, and that everything was falling apart came roaring out at me. I wasn’t sure I could finish it. It just felt too close to the anxiety I was feeling.” But he kept turning the pages. “By the end of it, I was in tears, and incredibly uplifted, and convinced I’d read maybe the best thing that he’d written in a decade. I just was floored by the thing,” Flanagan says. “So I fired off an email to him right away saying how much I loved the story, how incredible I thought it was, how meaningful, and important, and how it had really tattooed itself on my heart and said, ‘It’s the movie I want to make so that it’ll exist in the world for my kids.’”

King’s response: Not so fast. Flanagan and his producing partner, Trevor Macy, had at that point secured the rights to King’s fantasy saga The Dark Tower through their company, Intrepid Pictures. The eight-book series is threaded throughout King’s other works, and adapting it was a massive undertaking that Flanagan is still working to make happen. Other filmmakers had either abandoned the project, were canceled midway through, or bombed miserably. The author didn’t want him to be distracted. “He doesn’t like to give the same filmmaker more than one thing, because it typically means one thing is not advancing at all,” Flanagan says. “He said, ‘Well, let’s focus on The Tower and I’ll try to keep this one available for you for later.’”

The quest to The Dark Tower remains a priority for Flanagan, but a number of disruptions to that epic undertaking led him to reapproach King last year about Chuck. Intrepid’s deal with Netflix, where they had created Hill House, The Haunting of Bly Manor, and other shows, had come to a close, and Intrepid signed a new development agreement with Amazon. That meant starting over on The Dark Tower. Meanwhile, the threat of a double-barreled strike by writers and actors was on the horizon, stalling nearly every major new project. The industry plunged into another production-halting lockdown, this time over contract impasses rather than a virus.

Since The Dark Tower was suddenly further off on the horizon, Flanagan saw a chance to make The Life of Chuck happen in the short term. “It’s so rare that I get to approach any project that just has not an ounce of cynicism to it. I just really believed in this thing,” he says. “But it was also clear that we would have an incredibly uphill battle bringing the story to any major studio. They would try to make it as familiar as possible, instead of leaning into what makes it so different.”

King gave Flanagan his blessing to proceed. “I was off like a shot,” the filmmaker says. “I think I turned in the draft to him before he got around to sending the formal agreement.”

For everyone involved, The Life of Chuck became a bright spot in an otherwise dismal time, which matches the theme of the film. “There is a profound optimism in this story,” Hiddleston says. “As the world is spinning off its axis, there are moments of magic.”

[iwritenarrativesandstuff]

There's something in the differing emphasis that Brad and Hunter and Charles place on the phrase "good guy" that really affected me on my first watch and hit even harder on my second. I'm going to try and put it into words.

When Brad and Hunter say it, they say "we're good guys", as in, good at everything a guy "should" be good at - good at sports, popular with the ladies, on their way to a good university. But they turn out to be total shitheads. They don't care about being "good", they just care about their reputation, how they're perceived. It's status and power - they're good guys and they feel entitled to do whatever they want.

But when Charles, feeling betrayed by this reveal of their character, says he wanted them to be good guys, the emphasis is completely different. Charles wants to be a "good guy". He doesn't want to be a "bad guy".

The emphasis is on good, because that's really the crux of Charles' greatest fears, isn't it?

When Charles wants to be a good guy, he doesn't mean it the way Brad and Hunter do; that veneer of goodness that comes with popularity. He means that nothing he did was ever good enough for his dad. Doing the good thing and helping that kid his "friends" were beating up literally got him killed. Trying to stop Devlin only got him trapped in the loop, stuck until his friends freed him, only able to watch helplessly as a mother and her innocent children get slashed to death before his eyes.

And it's this helplessness that is the thing that truly sets him off at the end of episode 4.

It always struck me just how much of his breakdown there, for as much as he finally gives a voice to his own hurt at the injustice of his situation, was still about other people. Because he was secure-ish, at one point, when he was Edwin's partner and protector. He thought he did a good job at it anyways, but guess not, because something obviously happened with Edwin and he's not talking to him about it. And he likes to think he did good with solving cases, but Crystal is still hurting and haunted by a demon and nearly threw herself off a cliff earlier that day because she wants her parents so badly, and he's no closer to helping her solve that. And all of it, every single part of it, is a reflection of his own unresolved trauma; that he never "made it better" and he can't, so now he tries to be good enough for other people, but that isn't working anymore either, and now someone is threatening to take Edwin away, and even this final shocking act of anger and violence is still in service of protecting; of saving someone from the suffering he was never able to escape except by fucking dying.

His anger, really, stems from the injustice of it all, and the abuse of power by guys who can get away with it because they're guys, when they should've, could've, been good to others instead. It's a large part of why he projected so strongly onto Brad and Hunter - they did everything right, they were good guys who got screwed over, because even if everyone seems to love you, there's always that one person you can never please, right? Who will hurt you, no matter how good you are. When it's revealed that Brad and Hunter are far more like his bullies, like Devlin, like his dad, than he'd thought - controlling, intolerant, cruel to those who "step out of line" - Charles feels betrayed and horrified because he related to them... so what does that say about him?

But here's one major difference that Charles does not seem to recognize well. Charles has never had the power in these situations. He was the victim, and his being the victim is through no fault of his own, but the fault of those who decided to be cruel. It is certainly not contingent on how good he is. Being good in the eyes of people who want to hurt you will not stop them from hurting you.

When he lashes out at the Night Nurse, it's out of helplessness and rage. Once again, he's pitted against someone who holds more power than he does and is threatening harm, and he's just been bitterly, brutally reminded that a smile and a helping hand and a firm word never, ever worked to make it stop. There's only one other way he can think of to shift the balance of power, and he's finally livid enough to actually do it. This violence is a desperate attempt to finally overcome yet another force much greater than him, a transdimensional entity that has unjustly arrived to take his best friend to Hell. And Charles wins, he did it, he stopped her, at least for the moment. But at what cost, when he looks at his friends and can't tell whether they look more scared for him or of him? And can he blame them, when he's clearly scared of his own anger and how overwhelming it is now that it's been let out?

Because he tries so hard to be good and it's never good enough to stop the suffering. Because that anger rose to the surface so easily and maybe that means he's not good at all.

But of course, Charles once again misses something important here - there is a distinction in why that anger exists. His dad, Devlin, and Brad and Hunter get angry because their power over others makes them feel they have a right to punish when things don't go their way. Charles gets angry because he feels more helpless than he'd care to admit, and seeing cruelty inflicted onto others by those with power makes him want to cut them down to size.

And herein lies the second major difference. Charles... is a kind person, at heart. He's genuine. He really does likes helping out, he likes making people happy, he doesn't turn people away who need help, he's friendly and protective. The scene where Edwin pulls him out of his fear that he's somehow bad even though he really doesn't want to be, is outright one of my favourite scenes for what it brings to both of their characters. Edwin knows exactly what to say. While it's always good to check your behaviour, to apologize and take accountability - because no one can be good all the time, and even the most well-intentioned of us will mess up sometimes - Edwin is right.

"Bad guys do not worry about being bad guys."

[imfinereallyy]

Steve getting Venca’d is a plot line I thoroughly enjoy, but I feel like there is a path I haven’t really seen taken yet. Like, I’ve seen canon divergence where he gets vecna’d instead of Max, or he takes Max’s place, or I’ve seen it written as a season five (with Eddie back, of course), but hear me out, hear me out…

What if Steve starts the symptoms of Vecna (kind of like Vecna’s backup plan), but Steve never gets used? Like, they do their original plan in season four. Steve doesn’t really notice his symptoms until it’s too late; they are already in deep with spring break. Steve thinks about volunteering in Max’s place, but he knows if he says something, then the party has two people to worry about, and he knows Max would be too stubborn to change the plan. So he proceeds on. They go forth with the plan (Steve gets some horrible visions throughout spring break but manages to keep it to himself. Eddie notices something is off but is too focused on not dying to ask questions), and everything works out kind of the same as before except they win and everyone makes it (Eddie and max are still messed up, close to death but they make it).

After a few weeks (months probably), everyone is starting to heal and move on, but Steve just can’t. He’s still really messed up from his visions. The way they manipulated his trauma (about his parents, about being valued only with sex and money, Nancy, the kids, and his sexuality). It haunts him every day. He didn’t die like the other teens. He didn’t get to confront it like Max. Steve is just stuck in this mental hell and doesn’t know how to move on. Doesn’t know who to talk to. If he even should talk to anyone.

At this point, I feel like Eddie and Robin would notice him slipping. Robin is his platonic soulmate, his capital P, she may be frazzled, but she would most definitely notice when her best friend is not himself. Robin gives him space at first, but she can tell it’s only getting worse and decides it’s time to do something.

And Eddie, despite how much his past self would beat him over the head for it, likes Steve. He’s a good guy. Saves Eddie’s ass more times than he can count, even after the whole Upside Down thing. He likes to spend time with Steve; actually, almost all his time that isn’t spent with the kids and Wayne he spends with Steve, so of course, he notices Steve wasting away. Eddie noticed that Steve only really perks up when everyone is together in one place (Also, Eddie only has like slight romantic feelings for him at this point; his motivations at first are purely innocent, but as time moves on, he starts to fall for Steve and vice versa). So Eddie decides to spend more time with him one on one. Give him a safe space.

I’m not really sure how the rest of the plot would go. The party definitely gets involved, but they don’t notice for a while and make it worse at times (they are kids, after all), and the adults do their part too. I also think it’s an opportunity to talk about everyone’s unresolved trauma, like it doesn’t all go away magically after the defeat of the big bad. I think Steve having unresolved vecna visions is a perfect example of that.

Give Steve the breakdown he deserves and the support he clearly needs. And, of course, make it Steddie.

———

maybe I’ll write it, I’ve got so much to write, but maybe I’ll DO IT.

[juliet-without-romeo-stuff]

Goddess of sacrifice 🧡part 2

She cried so hard while sitting on the grass...after Mia got her voice back everyone around her started to maintain a distance with her... not that they are were very close even before..but why her brother the one who always treat her gently the only one who can understand her left so suddenly from states to somewhere where she don't know...why he also left ...was he also hate her now ....why he didn't stay with her. after that argument with mia on hospital my brother and me came to home and he asked why i did it ,why i didn't tell him everything.. but i was too stuck and broken to speak ...

Niko knows there is something more than what they know now...there must be something that haunted his little sis to hide things...but rn maya needs sometime.so he just hold her made her sleep while hugging her she cried so hard when niko hugged and told her he trust her and will be with her forever.he needs sometime he already too shocked from these revelation but his mind is messing with him.

His episodes are coming he is already too consumed in the thought of his lotus flower ended things with him....after his little play of kidnapping lan...his baby ended things and not even picking up his calls or text..his constant rejections and feeling of what if bran don't want him anymore or what if bran pick ups his habit of cutting himself again or what if bran done something to himself along with his sisters revelation...everything is messing up he needs to be gone somewhere he don't want to hurt his family or himself...

Somedays later after he made sure mia is okay and maya is safe and okay he fly to london first he needs to solve things between him and his lotus then he can help maya to overcome everything or help them to regain their bond back but it may be so hard.

But things became very bad or even worst for niko...he felt his whole world collapsed in front of him.after they solved their fights niko thought they both go back to states or brighton island and solve the mess there...

But the moment his lotus fell to the ground holding glass piece in his neck he thought he lost his world .even after saved bran he didn't dare to stay ten minutes away from Bran.

Its been a week since bran was recovering..he did very wise thing to kill the person who took his boyfriend's light but he wants to do things in his own ways but he was not even being himself so the murder was very simple ...

He also did make sure abouts maya's whereabouts and wellbeings....Niko sometimes text her to eat when the bodyguards and his personal secretary karen told that she is refusing her foods all this time he also made sure that mia is ok aswell .

Their parents think that they needs time.. but maya was devasted she can't face anyone.however everyone in there reminds her how terrible sister she was .....all the stuffs and things .

Bran saw how niko was being restless.so when bran started to heal he told niko to go and take care of maya and tell her that we are there to help her and once he healed or morelike his family allowed him to go back to brighton island he will also meet maya.

Bran can sense Nikolai's pain and sadness because one side his boyfriend tried to suicide which bran feels very guilty now on the other side his sister's was having breakdown eventhough his parents are their but no one can understand the bond and depth of twin siblings than bran he holds the emotionally strong part on their sibling Relationship he understands that fighting with ur twin leads to nothing but damage on both sides ...but onething is that eventhough mia and Bran are bestfriends surprisingly bran felt really bad for maya and he felt he can relate to her.Lan was there to take care of mia but who is there for maya .he doesn't know about maya's dating life morelike anything about her. but he feels he wants to help her tell her..... everything will be alright even bran can feel something is odd. He fears what his twin will do to maya since he thinks it is her fault that mia lost her voice .he hopes that lan will not do anything but little did he know this thing going to cause a major clash between them .so maya needs someone and that someone for now is going to be niko .so he did tell niko to go and take care of her.

Nikolai pov :

Eventhough bran told him to go but he still wants to be there to take care of bran but also he wants to see his sisters so after his conversation with levi and astrid niko goes back to states but that's when niko got a shocking news that literally made him go feral. Something that he thought will never happen .

Literally i feel pity for my baby niko...he literally goes through a lot now ....but yeah guys here after it will be about maya but i will tell in advance this will be a short story maybe contains a parts ....Maya sokolav goes through a lot that no one will.. like she really the meaning of sacrifice .Thats why i had named it goddess of sacrifice......my baby maya suffered a lot she definitely needs someone who helds her despite off anything.

FYI maya is 18 and Vaughan is 16 .yes Vaughan will be younger since i love this trope younger boy× elder girl

I need some of your Thoughts on certain things:

1.What if bran and lan goes against each other for maya

2.what if Vaughan broke Lan's wrist because he spoke shit to maya....

3.what if brandon punched jeremy beacuse jeremy tried to punch landon

4.what if bran literally threatened simons life.because he said he will get niko back .

I will drain your every drop of blood and paint with it then burn that painting,i will rip your organs make it a sculpture then break every fucking piece simon no one literally no one can find a single strand of your hair ...i don't like sharing what belongs to me and nikolai belongs to me.This is my first and last warning.......

Nikolai and landon was smirking while watching the clip of bran threatening simon while eli,Crieghton, remi,jeremy, Killian, Vaughan watching it with shocked expression....

Let me know did you like or not...also any further ideas 🧡

[lets-try-some-writing]

Blind starscream au, everyone forgets that he's blind until he points that out, cue the awkwardness

More blind Starscream, heck yeah. I love this mech so much, especially when he just does not give a frag.

Forgetfulness

Megatron

The first time it happened on earth, Megatron was issuing orders as usual and was looking over a map of the battlefield not recalling that Starscream was literally unable to see it.

Megatron: *pointing to the map* We will strike here! Starscream will lead the assault!

Starscream: *sarcastically* Ah yes, I can definitely see where exactly I am to attack, obviously.

Megatron: *silently sending starscream a set of coordinates over comm link instead* You have your orders, get going!

They didn't talk for a week after that incident. Megatron was too embarrassed at his blunder to even try to make amends and so just avoided the seeker.

Soundwave

As a general rule, Soundwave and Starscream don't interact. But the singular time Soundwave seemed to forget that the seeker couldn't see was something that stuck in both their memories. They had run into each other in the halls and Soundwave had suddenly stopped Starscream from continuing, gesturing to a sign that specifically pointed toward the area being off limits.

Soundwave: *gesturing with a nod and his cables toward the sign that says "keep out"*

Starscream: *irritated* Use words Soundwave. I am no psychic.

Soundwave: ...

Soundwave silently sent Starscream the warning over a comm link before walking away without a word. He would never admit his blunder to anyone.

Knockout

The Decepticon medic was in the middle of working on a Vehicon while he was gossiping with Starscream when he asked for the seeker to pass him a tool. Starscream of course gave him a look that quickly make Knockout realize his error.

Knockout: That sounds dreadful! Could you be a dear and pass me that scalpel?

Starscream: Ah yes, I will certainly pass you the small item that I can most definably see.

Knockout: ... My apologies.

They continued chatting as it nothing happened but Knockout screamed internally afterwards.

Breakdown

Normally Breakdown is very aware of Starscream's blindness and takes extra care to not mention it while still accommodating it. However on one occasion where Starscream's sensors were out of commission, he straight up forgot about the seeker's disablement.

Breakdown: *throwing a lob ball at starscream* Catch!

Starscream: *proceeds to get hit and fall flat on his face*

Breakdown: *softly* Scrap.

Breakdown went to Knockout with several scratches and a blaster burn later that day and he never forgot that moment, often having it come back to haunt him late at night.

Shockwave

Shockwave never actually forgot that Starscream was blind, he just didn't care and wanted to watch the seeker seethe while he tried to figure out how to find the thing he was asked to get.

Shockwave: Starscream, I require the third smallest beaker.

Starscream: Ah yes one moment, I will get it once I get my sight back.

Shockwave: Starscream, I require it immediately.

Starscream: *pointing to his lightless optics* How am I supposed to find it you slagger?!

Shockwave: You are resourceful, I am sure you will succeed without aid.

Starscream spent forty minutes trying to find the beaker. He never found it and resents Shockwave to this day.

Optimus Prime

It wasn't really that Optimus forgot, more like he simply used the wrong phraseology.

Optimus: Can't you see all the harm you are doing?! Starscream: No actually.

Optimus: *staring blankly for a moment* ... Allow me to rephrase. Do you not feel anything for the harm you are doing?

It was slightly awkward and Starscream has occasionally mocked Optimus for it since.

Ratchet

While doing a repair for Starscream, Ratchet temporarily forgot that Starscream literally could not see how bad his injuries were.

Ratchet: How in the pits did you do this? A gash of this size...

Starscream: It's that bad?

Ratchet: Yes! Can you not see-! Oh...

Starscream and Ratchet both coughed awkwardly after the fact and neither have spoken a word on the subject. Although on the odd occasion where Ratchet is feeling a little evil, he will exclaim something about Starscream having a bomb stuck to him during battle, temporarily causing the seeker to flail.

Arcee

Her situation was less awkward and more angering than anything else. She was in the middle of confronting Starscream for the death of Cliffjumper when she made a slight blunder.

Arcee: You killed him! Did the sight of his spark puttering out not cause you to feel any remorse!

Starscream: I didn't see it, so no.

Arcee: Why you little-!

Starscream was only barely saved from having the life beaten out of him by the team and he has since been careful around Arcee for fear of angering her further.

Bulkhead

He was in the middle of battle and trying to find a way to disorient Starscream when he messed up a bit.

Bulkhead: *tossing dirt at starscream to try and blind him* Take that!

Starscream: *unphased but a little irritated* How cute.

Bulkhead: *remembering* Oh fra-!

Simply put, he returned to base far more singed than he would have otherwise liked.

Bumblebee

While Starscream was a prisoner of the Autobots, the seeker's wings, and therefore his sight was put out of commission. And forgetting this, Bumblebee led the seeker straight into banging his helm against a doorway.

Bumblebee: *in binary* This way.

Starscream: *walks straight into the top of the doorway, hitting it with a nasty thunk* FRAG!

Bumblebee: *internally screaming at himself*

Bumblebee never forgot that particular blunder and he has since taken care with other prisoners to ensure the same thing doesn't happen twice.

[night-faye]

OHO YOUR'E ON THAT BANGER EPISODE. Apparently I really love the trope because how I got into this show was all my friends freaking out about how I wrote this episode for another fandom while having NEVER SEEN IT LOL. It was super funny, like frame by frame for details. (The start in ep 6 with the ink demon.) It’s 100% my jam as far as tropes go, I also give my OCs the Wukong treatment 😂 He’s so fun here I adore it, StarBurst Duo makes me so insane ESP IN S5 you WILL have a breakdown I freaking PROMISE YOU. It will be your Macky S3 Breakdown but for them. Anyways. Ooh, Wukong just HEARS MK and the way he crashes the party, he’s always going “kid!!” and rushing for him in this show. I love that the writers didn’t make him actually retire lol, he stuck around and it was a pleasant surprise and they even share the staff sometimes. Wukong still takes charge and haunts the narrative LOL. “Not really, but I like the energy.” Crying we NEED Wukong interacting with the gang more. Shout out to Mei’s “you're not looking very immortal yourself Mr. King.” I love her I love them we need more sob. And MY FAVORITE SCENE OF ALL. Bro is sweating a bit like Macky did when LBD showed up. “Enough! I’ve never let anyone dictate my destiny in the past and I’m not about to start now. None of us are! We can’t change who were yesterday or in a past life or a hundred lifetimes ago. We live with the choices we make, but what matters is the choice we make. Right. Now. Only we decide who we are and what we do with the power we have.” “Nice hero speech bud. But I know better. Deep in your heart, you don’t believe a word of that.” SO EVIL. Literally SO EVIL to make THIS GUY aka secretly depressed monkey give a motivational hero speech, bc you don't think there's anything wrong with that at first. That it's anything BUT Wukong to ~ not ~ be the happy guy. But then THIS happens pulling an unexpected thing every character analyst could ever want. He's struggling and trying and fighting the emotional turmoil within, barely holding on, and Inky calls him out with SUCH AUDACITY while wearing Wukong's clothes from the past AND TWIRLING THAT CIRCLET even the screen slows and pauses for emphasis. Suddenly, there's a dark cloud hanging over our idea of this monkey. Our naive illusions shatter as a deep profound thing beneath it all is revealed. This story will not go how we think. It's not all sunshine, there is something wrong. Yeah somebody did dictate your destiny with that circlet eh? And just those words ugh if you know JTTW you know how heavy his past actions are also killing Macky but wow he's fighting, he's trying so hard but NOBODY lets him live down the past. Always the same monster. *chefs kiss* gorgeous voice acting, the strained emotions are beautiful.

“I won’t let some curse bully me or my friends a second longer!” Sure bud, sure. I mean, I like how he glows here and the images of his old friends is DEVASTATING. It hurts to be the mentor character in any piece of media. But don't think we didn't notice the deflection there, the pause and tight grip on the staff as you turned around. You can't look us in the eye eh? the windows to the soul. It's also nice how he does the "special teamwork move" and calls everyone his friends :') shout out to Nezha and his "Wukong is not the loner he pretends to be." At long last, he's finally opening up to others rather than his smiley distance. They look so much like your old companions. Don’t you love how the tension builds up with Wukong’s confusion over Azure’s name and think innocently of it until he’s stepping forward to protect MK? Hehe.

>*shaking you*< I need to make it clear to you that while I love my macky's of the world so much. my second fave character dynamic is "Sunshine on the outside. deep withering depression on the inside"

I am getting the sense these monkeys (MK included) are going to fucking destroy me. help. (You won't and you shouldn't)

[theharrowing]

With You Always

When Taehyung dies tragically and winds up stuck on earth, he decides to watch over Jimin—his best friend, and the person he loves more than anyone in the world. Concern for his grieving best friend turns to jealousy as Jimin begins to move on and meet new people, and Taehyung's once passive presence becomes more and more dangerous.

💔 Taehyung x Jimin

💔 word count: 13k 💔 dead dove, major character death (ghost taehyung), noncon, hurt/comfort, horror, slash, explicit smut, nsfw, 18+ 💔 warnings: 🕊 dead dove, grief & mourning, masturbation, recreational drug use, jealousy, voyeurism, mutual masturbation, jimin in a crop top with pink hair, ouija board use, haunting, poltergeist, fear, taking advantage of a drunk person, ghost sex, non-consensual somnophelia, oral sex, mental breakdown

💔 written for the Ardour: Dead Dove Fest!

💔 thanks to @neoneunnajimin for beta reading! moodboard created by the mods at the Ardour: Dead Dove Fest (text added by me with permission.) 💔 posted oct. 2022

💔 notes: i cannot stress how dark this story is. please read the warnings and don’t interact with this story if you are sensitive to any of those topics!!! i do not condone the actions in this fic; it is a work of horror fiction.

나는 날 잃은 걸까 아니 널 얻은 걸까

Taehyung's death affected everyone pretty hard, but no one more than Jimin. 

Since they were kids, Taehyung and Jimin were inseparable. They did everything together, often hand-in-hand, taking on the world with wide, curious eyes and open hearts. 

As teenagers, they were even closer, dealing with the awkwardness of puberty together and making various life pacts, including a pact to wait until college for their first kiss, a pact to wait until college to have sex, and a pact to go to the same college and live together. 

For as long as he could remember, Taehyung harbored feelings for Jimin, and he thought from a somewhat young age that Jimin felt the same. But aside from Jimin coming up with those kiss and virginity pacts and other small but possibly innocuous tells, the topic never came up between them. 

Taehyung always had the inkling that Jimin wanted them to put those events off to share them with each other, and he hoped it would be something they could explore—if they really were, in fact, on the same page—in college, as planned, when the two of them were away from home and didn't have to worry too much about the pressures of being caught by their parents. 

But then Taehyung died a month after high school graduation, and so did his chance to tell Jimin of his true feelings. 

The accident was pretty bad. 

It was a gorgeous summer day. The sun was shining, the birds were singing, and Taehyung drummed his fingers against his steering wheel to the beat of an old jazz tune as another car somehow wound up skidding sideways into his lane, flipping him several times off the road and into a deep ditch. There were no survivors at the scene, and by the time emergency personnel arrived, both mangled cars had caught fire. 

Even from the moment of impact, Taehyung didn't remember the accident. One minute he was alive, driving in the countryside on his way back to the city and the next, he was floating above the scene, watching as police attempted to barricade the area and keep others away from the wreckage.

It was surreal, and Taehyung spent a considerable amount of time thinking he was dreaming and that at any moment, he might wake up. But then, as time went on and his body was taken away before the site of the accident was gradually getting cleaned, Taehyung realized it wasn't a dream.

At first, Taehyung couldn't figure out why he stayed on earth rather than continue on to some kind of afterlife. Sure, he didn't spend his life necessarily believing in any specific type of afterlife, but he always assumed there would be something. Or even nothing. 

But that—floating with an aimless feeling while wearing the same beige oversized button-up short-sleeve tucked loosely into the front of wide-leg brown slacks—that just felt strange. Taehyung ran a hand through his long, wavy dark brown hair and felt as the strands pushed back from his forehead and fell into place. He couldn't quite figure out the extent to which he existed and didn't, feeling both weightless and solid, responsive to his own physical touch.

Taehyung wondered if his new existence really was like the movies, where ghosts would hang back on earth to try to solve any unfinished business they had, but ultimately that notion seemed pretty stupid to Taehyung. Life, and by extension, afterlife wasn't some drama. And anyway, how would he be able to finish anything? The only thing he left unresolved was his feelings for Jimin, and it didn't seem as if Taehyung could be seen by humans as they drove straight through him on that dark country road.

But that didn't stop Taehyung from trying. Slowly, he made his way into the city the way he would have gone if he had driven. He walked down busy streets and through residential neighborhoods, allowing the night to fall around him. And when he made it to Jimin's apartment as the sun began to break over the horizon, Taehyung went straight through a familiar building, through a familiar front door and found himself standing in a familiar living room. 

Taehyung hadn't been in a rush that night because he wasn't sure Jimin would be home. Perhaps, he thought, Jimin would have been at a hospital or a police station desperately searching for answers about his dead best friend the night before. Perhaps Jimin would have been asleep as Taehyung arrived, exhausted from the anguish of losing a best friend. But a sniffle coming from Jimin's bedroom confirmed that he was home and that he was not asleep. 

"Jimin?" Taehyung called out, but his voice was wispy in the air, hanging around him in a manner that didn't seem to echo out to reach the ears of the living. 

Taehyung approached Jimin's room to find him curled on his bed, crying. He was still wearing a black long-sleeve henley shirt tucked into blue jeans that Taehyung assumed he had worn the day before. Clutched in Jimin's arms was a stuffed bear that Taehyung had kept since he was a child. A stuffed bear that Jimin could only have gotten if he had visited Taehyung's family after the accident or if someone had brought it to him. 

The sight of Jimin's body wrapped tightly around the stuffed bear sent a chill through Taehyung, and all he could do was stand and watch as his best friend—as the boy who he loved more than anyone in the world—cried and cried and cried. 

"Jimin," Taehyung tried once more, but the sound didn't reach him. 

Taehyung suspected it might be useless to attempt to touch Jimin, so he stood still. No other humans were alerted to his presence as he walked that night, so he assumed Jimin also wouldn’t be. Finally, when Jimin had cried himself to sleep, Taehyung curled up atop Jimin's bed and watched him through the morning.

Over the course of the few days following his death, Taehyung discovered that he could somewhat interact with objects in the living world, using his energy to move a curtain or a door just a bit, as if there was a strong breeze. He had considered trying to get Jimin's attention, but with how distraught his best friend was, he felt it was better off to not do anything to shake his fragile mental state. 

Jimin wasn't getting out of bed much. He wasn't feeding himself more than once a day, and he didn't shower until the morning of the funeral. And although attending his own funeral felt surreal, Taehyung stayed by Jimin's side. 

On the bus to the train to the bus to the hospital, Taehyung followed along, eyes on Jimin, who wore a black suit and tie with a white undershirt and had his short dark hair brushed but unstyled. Taehyung told Jimin over and over that he was there and that Jimin was not alone, that Jimin would never be alone again, but Jimin fell to his knees in front of photos surrounded by flowers and candles, appearing as if he felt more alone than ever, and he cried until his eyes were dry. Taehyung couldn't have said with any certainty who else attended his funeral because he never took his eyes off his beautiful, heartbroken friend.

"I'm here, Jiminah," Taehyung muttered softly. "I won't ever leave you."

Sometimes Jimin would wake up in the middle of the night screaming and sobbing. He would grab onto the stuffed bear that belonged to Taehyung and hold it close, begging for answers, begging to know why Taehyung was gone. Taehyung would sit beside Jimin and reach a hand out, almost touching but always pulling back at the last second, never risking knowing whether or not they could touch—never wanting to face the ache that would accompany fingers passing through fingers like a whisper in the wind.

It hurt Taehyung to see his best friend so upset. And as weeks went by where Jimin didn't seem to improve, Taehyung began to worry about his physical health. Someone needed to be helping him, but Jimin didn't reach out to anyone, and he continued to mourn heavily. 

When school started a few months following the accident, Jimin decided that he needed to push forward and attempt to have a normal life. It filled Taehyung with affection and pride, knowing Jimin was getting out of bed and trying to grieve in a more healthy manner. 

"You should be here with me, Tae," Jimin would say to himself in the mirror as he fixed his hair—which was becoming overgrown—and stared into his sunken eyes. "You should be starting college with me too."

"I'm here, Jiminah," Taehyung would always whisper back. "Even if you can't see me...even if you can't feel me...I'll never leave you."

It wasn't easy at first. Jimin would have outbursts in public, moments where the distractions of school and socializing would lull, and Jimin's mind would seem to allow itself to wander back to Taehyung. In these moments, Taehyung always wished he could hold Jimin and tell him it would be okay. Taehyung knew that, ultimately, Jimin would be fine and that he just needed time to heal, and with each new day he hoped that the healing would come soon.

"I'm feeling a little better today, Taehyungah," Jimin says into the mirror with a smile. It isn't a smile that reaches his eyes, but it is inching closer these days. Jimin speaks aloud to Taehyung often on the off chance he is listening, reasoning that Taehyung always spoke to his angel, so maybe now Taehyung has taken up ranks as Jimin's angel.

And, of course, Taehyung is listening; Taehyung hasn't left Jimin's side. Everywhere Jimin goes, Taehyung follows. To school, to the market, he's always there. 

"It's been about six months since that day, and I'm...I'm still in shock, and I don't know how to go on without my best friend, but I'm doing my best, and I think you'd really be proud of me."

"I'm so proud of you, Jiminah," Taehyung responds with a kind smile, standing behind Jimin and watching him through the mirror. 

Jimin's gaze turns down, and he fidgets with his fingers, rubbing them together anxiously. "I miss you so much," he whispers.

"I miss you too."

It's not entirely true that Taehyung stays by Jimin's side everywhere. Over the last six months, Taehyung has done his best to give Jimin privacy when he's in the bathroom, when he's changing, and more recently, when he jerks off. 

The first time, it takes Taehyung by surprise, and he nearly falls out of the bed. Jimin runs his hands over his chest, stopping to dance his fingers over his nipples through his thin nightshirt. He lets out a soft exhale, and Taehyung lets out a loud gasp and stares wide-eyed at his best friend before he realizes he should very much not be watching this. 

One of Jimin's hands trails down with his fingers dancing over his crotch, and Taehyung's vision falls to discover a sizable tent in his pants, pushing another gasp from him as he backs out of the bed quickly, arm catching on the bedside lamp and knocking into it. Jimin's hands halt, and he looks up, eyes landing directly where Taehyung stands. But, of course, Jimin can't see anyone there.

"Fuck," Taehyung spits under his breath. He's been so careful not to alert Jimin to his presence, worried he might get scared, and now here he is, carelessly bumping into shit.

But it doesn't deter Jimin, whose eyes move to the window that is opened a sliver and seems to write it off as wind being the culprit. Jimin's fingers continue to tease himself over his clothes, and Taehyung spins on his heels and leaves the room, running partially through the wall when he can't reach the doorway fast enough. 

If Taehyung could sweat, it would have coated his neck and forehead in a thin sheen, giving a chill to his once warm form. He breathes deeply and runs his hands over his face and down his neck, and walks over to the small brown sofa, sitting with such a force he nearly sinks through it. As Jimin's gasps turned to whimpers, Taehyung curls up on the cushions and puts his hands over his ears. 

The longer Taehyung continues to exist in this form, the more he's able to interact with things, honing the energy he exerts to control various objects. Before, it was enough to rest atop Jimin's bed rather than sink into it, but now he can switch off the bedside lamp and pull Jimin’s blanket over him when he stumbles into bed from a night out with his new friends and falls against his mattress in a slump. Still, he’s careful to never try and touch Jimin.

Taehyung's...body...? Or whatever his form is...is also beginning to respond. As soon as Jimin's fingers begin to explore his body, Taehyung feels a shift in his energy and a tingle in his cock. He fights the urge to touch himself from the sofa whenever he takes refuge, locking his hands tightly over his ears. He will not jerk off to his best friend jerking off, even if he’s in love with that best friend. That crosses a line...right?

Taehyung does not like Jimin's new friends. They're all older than him, they drink way too much, and one boy in particular—the one with a crooked smile and sharp feline eyes—he likes to get a little too close to Jimin, especially with alcohol in their systems. 

Taehyung also does not like how Jimin has changed his appearance to hang out with these new friends. Although the tight tee shirts, even tighter skinny jeans and black leather boots flatter his figure, Taehyung thinks he just looks like he's trying too hard to fit in. His hair is short again and parted neatly over his forehead, and he's begun wearing rings and earrings. The Jimin who Taehyung knew never cared so much about fitting in or looking this good, and he certainly never wore all black, from head to toe. 

It's a Thursday night—a school night—and Jimin is at some shitty nightclub with four guys, all older than him by two or three years, and he's throwing back shots. The sadness in his eye that Taehyung had gotten so used to��that he wished for months and months would fade—has all but been replaced with mirth, albeit glazed over and somewhat absent.

Jimin had fussed extra hard with his hair before meeting them here, and he immediately gravitates to the one who touches him so much while Taehyung stands with his arms crossed over his chest and glares. Sure, this Min Yoongi boy is pretty, but what does he have that's so god damn special?

Taehyung watches as the night progresses, and Yoongi's hand caresses the small of Jimin's back. He watches as Jimin leans in a little too close to talk to Yoongi over the loud music, and he watches as they sneak away from the group and out into the alley for a smoke. 

Jimin doesn't smoke, but of course, he accepts the joint because Yoongi offers it to him. Handsome, charming fucking Yoongi with his combat boots and his bleach blond hair. Yoongi, with his dangling silver earrings and his black eyeliner, who leans in close—too close—as he lights the joint that sits between Jimin's perfect lips. Too close as his mouth tugs into a smirk while Jimin coughs through his first inhale of smoke. 

If Taehyung had a heart, it would surely be pounding. He grips onto his hair and tugs at the strand as he watches Yoongi gently touch Jimin's cheek and mumble, "Inhale slowly and hold the smoke in." 

If Taehyung had a stomach, bile would surely rise into his throat as Yoongi leans in, one knee dipping between Jimin's legs as he mutters, "Now blow," and connects their lips, taking the smoke from Jimin's mouth into his. 

Taehyung watches in horror as Jimin giggles and he grabs onto Yoongi's red flannel shirt gently with his fingers to pull him closer, slotting their lips together for a real kiss. Jimin's first real kiss. Taehyung turns away and shakes his head, trying to focus on anything but Jimin's lips and his sounds and his body, pressed against some boy in a fucking alleyway of all places. 

And, for the first time in six months, Taehyung leaves Jimin's side. 

It takes five and a half months for Jimin and Yoongi to get into a relationship and ultimately break up, and in those five and a half months, Taehyung is in pure agony. He can’t help his outbursts of anger and jealousy as he leaves the room to give the two of them space. Eventually, his outbursts lead to him leaving the building, sometimes going as far as to walk his anger off by leaving the city altogether.  

Jimin waits a whopping two weeks after the joint in the alleyway incident to lose his virginity, and Taehyung can’t stop thinking about how it should have been him. The first kiss, the first time making love, the first time falling in love, all of that should have been him. 

And now, five and a half months after that stupid first kiss Jimin cries into his old teddy bear and wishes Yoongi would stay. Taehyung hates the bleach blond even more because Taehyung knows that if he had been all of Jimin's firsts, he wouldn't be in this position. If Taehyung had been all of Jimin's firsts, he would also be his last.

Wanting to be close to Jimin and comfort him, Taehyung sits down where he always does, on the side of the bed Jimin never sleeps, and this time, the mattress dips. Jimin's eyes flutter open, and he stares at the bed beside him, eyebrows knit as if he noticed, but then he sighs and closes his eyes again, shaking his head. 

"Jimin," Taehyung tries again, for the first time in almost a year, but his voice doesn't carry, and Jimin still doesn't hear him. 

There are times when Jimin still talks aloud as if he knows Taehyung is with him, telling him things. He'll stand in the mirror, coifing his hair and tell Taehyung that he got an A in his anatomy and physiology course despite how difficult it was, and that he's proud of himself for already feeling better about the breakup. 

Taehyung wonders if, should he make his presence known to Jimin, it would actually be something Jimin would invite, or if he would be too afraid and stop talking to him. So Taehyung does his best to keep still and quiet, and he whispers softly to Jimin that he's proud of him and that he loves him so much. 

Sometimes Taehyung wonders if he could reach out to touch Jimin, whether he actually would? He's never tried to touch another human, but what if he tries to hone the energy and touch him, the same way he puts his energy into gently inching Jimin's glass away from the edge of the table when he's not looking because Taehyung worries it'll knock it over. What if he tries to find new ways to comfort his friend?

During the summer, Jimin works at a nearby cafe. He seems to really enjoy the job and gets along nicely with his coworkers, and Taehyung finds himself standing back a little further, watching Jimin from afar as he interacts with strangers while never hovering too close. 

Taehyung loves watching the way Jimin's smile reaches his eyes, genuine and sweet, as he talks to others. And although Taehyung knows it will eat at him, he hopes that Jimin really does find someone nice and sweet to love. Someone who always makes Jimin smile like that—the way Taehyung would make him smile if he could.

As customers filter through day after day, some becoming regulars who chat with Jimin a little more and get to know him a little better, Taehyung watches soft blush paint Jimin's pretty round cheeks, and he wonders if any of those people might become regular facets in Jimin's life. 

But none of them ever do, and for the time being, Taehyung decides he doesn't mind keeping Jimin all to himself for a little while longer. 

On the first anniversary of Taehyung's death, Taehyung's family throws a gathering for friends and family to come say some words and have a meal together. Taehyung—admittedly—hasn't visited his family much since his death. And although he'll accompany Jimin to their house if he decides to go, he feels weird about it. 

Over the course of the year, Jimin has really bounced back from his grief and has seemed less and less affected by Taehyung's death. But today, he can hardly get out of bed. When Jimin finally does roll off of his mattress, he sits in the shower and cries. 

Taehyung enters the bathroom slowly, finding Jimin curled in a ball with his forehead against his knees. He squats beside the edge of the tub and bites his lip, wanting to console his best friend. Taehyung hates seeing him like this, even if there is a small part of him that feels grateful to not be forgotten. 

For the first time in a year, Taehyung reaches out to touch Jimin. And for the first time in a year, he makes direct contact with him. 

Taehyung's fingertips brush over Jimin's shoulder, and Jimin jumps, gasping as his eyes fly open and he stares straight through Taehyung. There's even a moment—a split, fleeting moment—where Taehyung thinks Jimin might actually see him. But Jimin looks around the room, searching high and low for any source of the caress while Taehyung sits, hand retracted but still suspended as he watches Jimin with wide eyes.

When Jimin starts his second semester of college, Taehyung begins to hang back and stay at Jimin's apartment some days. He's not a huge fan of the courses Jimin studies, and he would rather stay in his bed, surrounded by his sweet floral and citrus scent, with a lingering hint of musk. 

There's a part of Taehyung that worries that Jimin will meet someone in college to bring home, and Taehyung will have a repeat of dealing with his relationship he had with Yoongi, with months and months of them fucking and giggling while Taehyung has to leave and fight to get that image out of his mind.

But it's not as if Taehyung can stop Jimin from doing whatever he wants to, so he hangs back and gives Jimin his space. Despite everything, Jimin is the one person in the world who Taehyung loves more than anything, and he wants him to be happy. 

Some nights when Jimin sleeps, Taehyung reaches out and moves the hair away from Jimin's forehead. Sometimes Taehyung traces the edges of his fingers down the soft slope of Jimin's cheek, reveling in how soft and warm Jimin is. 

"I love you, Jiminah," Taehyung mutters softly. "I'll always love you so much. Please never forget me."

Taehyung stops giving Jimin privacy every time he showers. He can't help but gaze longingly at the silhouette of Jimin's taut body through the faintly transparent shower curtains. 

Jimin cares for his appearance more than ever, taking dance classes and watching what he eats, and Taehyung can't help but stare at the round slope of his ass that curves deliciously into lean yet muscular thighs. The visual has Taehyung's cock desperate for attention. 

Taehyung can't exactly cum; as a ghost, he has no need for body fluids. He couldn't explain why his cock gets hard, nor why, if he strokes it just as he would as a human, he feels sensation and satisfaction, ultimately reaching a crescendo that feels as close to an orgasm as he can remember. As far as he can tell, it feels the same as before; he just doesn't ejaculate.

It's in the doorway of Jimin's bathroom, one hand gripping onto the wooden frame as Taehyung fists his cock, stroking fast and squeezing tight as he reaches his high and his legs tremble beneath him. 

Before him, the silhouette of Jimin shows one foot lifted on the edge of the tub, and he's fingering his ass while jerking off. With his head tipped back, the column of Jimin's neck can be made out, and as he gasps and whines, bringing himself close to orgasm, Taehyung can't hold his in any longer. 

How Taehyung would love to be the one to make Jimin cum. Slowly unravel him with his fingers while sucking Jimin's cock into his throat. He bets Jimin's cum is just as sweet as the sounds that fall from his lips. 

Taehyung hasn't had an outburst in nearly a year. Ever since Yoongi broke it off with Jimin, he hasn't had a reason to storm through the walls and walk off his jealous anger. Taehyung prides himself on being a good friend and staying close. He tells himself it's what Jimin would want.

And with his newfound love of watching Jimin while he showers and enjoying their little mutual masturbating sessions, Taehyung feels even closer to his best friend than ever before.

Just as Taehyung has settled comfortably in the routine of Jimin going to school and coming right back home to study and be alone over several months, Jimin decides to switch things up, throwing Taehyung's entire strange existence off balance. 

Since the breakup, he hasn't been spending time with anyone in that old friend group, to Taehyung's great relief, and although he sees Jimin acting friendly with others at school on the days when he does follow him to class, he's noticed—with great contentment—that Jimin doesn't seem eager to make too many friends. 

Jimin, ever the perfectionist, has always been one to pour himself into his studies. Perhaps that's why he and Taehyung always remained such a tight unit with little outside interference; they never really had room for another person. 

But tonight, Jimin doesn't come home. And Taehyung begins to worry.

It's not as if Taehyung can go off looking for him. If Jimin isn't on campus, he could be infinite other places, as far as Taehyung is concerned. Even if Jimin is on campus, it's not as if he'd be so easily located.

Taehyung paces the apartment and tries to calm himself down. He tells himself that Jimin is safe, that Jimin is unharmed, that Jimin will return, and he takes his place on the couch to wait. He just has to wait a little while longer, he tells himself, and Jimin will return. 

And eventually, Jimin does return. Several hours after he usually comes home, Jimin walks through his door smiling into his phone, so distracted by whatever is on the screen that he takes longer than usual to toe out of his shoes at the entrance. So distracted that he pads over to the couch without looking up and lets his shins hitting the edge of it be his cue to twist and flop his body down. 

Taehyung sits beside Jimin in disbelief and looks over his shoulder to find out what he's smiling so much at, and he can't help but feel a tinge of discomfort where his guts would be as someone named Jeongguk confirms he's open to hanging out at 8PM tomorrow night. 

Taehyung hasn't had an outburst in nearly a year and a half, and tonight, he's reluctant to follow Jimin to his date. He doesn't want this Jeongguk character flaunted in his face, especially if this guy is anything like the last one. Taehyung questions the nature of this hangout in hopes of justifying Jimin's actions and wonders if maybe it's not a date at all, but Jimin is going out to meet a whole group of friends.

As he follows Jimin down the street, hanging back by about half of a block, he watches as he enters a bar. Taehyung hovers against a street light, clinging to it like a buoy at sea, trying to decide whether it would hurt more to find out or to turn back and wonder. 

When the anxiety of curiosity becomes too much, Taehyung pushes himself through the pole he had clung to and makes his way to the bar. Slowly, nervously, he shuffles along the sidewalk while people walk straight through him as if he isn't there at all.

Of course, Taehyung doesn't need oxygen, but he inhales deeply, holds it, and turns to the window. It's hard to see much, but Jimin's perfectly coifed dark hair that curls lightly at the ends can be seen from where he stands, and among him is a table of what appear to be others his age. Taehyung walks straight through the window and makes his way to where Jimin is sitting, and there, amongst four men who Taehyung has never seen before, Jimin laughs and smiles and makes small talk. 

And although he's happy for Jimin, Taehyung can't help but feel jealous that his best friend is so good at getting close to others. Especially the boy with wavy dark hair hanging over one eye, looking at Jimin as if he's just hung the moon in the sky.

Taehyung decides he doesn't want to stay and watch Jimin for the night. And on his way out, he uses one finger to knock over the beer belonging to the boy who looks at Jimin so fondly, causing it to smash loudly against the wooden floor.

Jimin starts going to nightclubs again. At least this group of friends has the decency to wait to go out on the weekend, but Taehyung can't help but worry about Jimin getting drunk in the tight, pretty outfits he wears. He can't help but wonder if his friends would be the type to keep Jimin safe. He worries one of those friends may even prey on Jimin's beauty in an inebriated state.

Tonight Jimin wears a bright pink crop top, a gold chain around his waist, and tight black jeans. Jimin holds dangling gold earrings up to his ears to decide on a pair to wear as Taehyung leans against the dresser with his arms crossed over his chest. He chews on the inside of his mouth while Jimin chooses a pair with pretty gold stars and smiles at himself in the mirror. 

Taehyung has never seen Jimin in a crop top. The sight is more than pleasant—firm abdominals with a hint of definition peeking between his clothing, highlighted by shimmery jewelry. Under other circumstances, Taehyung would love to see Jimin dressed this way, but not like this when Jimin plans to flaunt himself before others. Not while Taehyung is dead.

Jimin applies a dusting of pink eyeshadow to his lids and accentuates his eyelashes with some mascara, and Taehyung gawks at his friend. He can't believe how different Jimin has become since before the accident. He wonders if this Jimin even remembers him at all.

Jimin's second semester comes to an end, and rather than work at the cafe again, he begins instructing children at a local dance studio. Jimin seems to really love his job, and Taehyung enjoys tagging along and watching Jimin interact with the students. There's a glimmer in Jimin's eye that brightens the whole room. Taehyung wishes he could bottle it.

He loves watching Jimin dance. Loves watching as his lithe, toned body stretches and twists gracefully, deliberately. Taut muscle, traces of supple skin and feline-like moves—Taehyung is certain that there is nobody in this world more captivating. 

Taehyung also loves that, while moving his body to music and feeling it flow through him, Jimin truly seems happy. There's a lightness to him that's not always present otherwise. 

On the second anniversary of Taehyung's death, Jimin gets up and goes to work as usual. He has less of a pep in his step, but he doesn't cry the moment he wakes up like he did a year ago. 

Taehyung is happy that Jimin seems to be grieving in healthier ways, but there's a part of him that can't help but feel bitter. It's not that he wants his best friend to be in shambles, but would it hurt him to seem a little more remorseful?

Maybe he has to keep a brave face in front of his students, Taehyung reasons. Maybe inside, Jimin is fighting a battle that he doesn't want anyone to see. 

But as Jimin dances—precise movements with his lips curved into a sweet, tender expression—Taehyung can't help but think his best friend really has moved on entirely. Jimin smiles at the students, and the students smile back, and suddenly, the brightness feels blinding. Taehyung doesn't stick around for the end of the class. 

On the night of the second anniversary of Taehyung's death, Jimin comes barging through the apartment door, clearly drunk, with a box in his hands. Behind him, Jeongguk comes stumbling in, and Taehyung huffs and rolls his eyes as he leans against the door frame of Jimin's bedroom. 

This guy again, Taehyung thinks. Just great. 

Jimin sets the box—an unassuming tan rectangle the size and shape of something you'd keep a board game in—on the table in front of his couch and motions for Jeongguk to have a seat while he pads over to the kitchen. Taehyung can't help but keep his eyes on his best friend—graceful despite the slight wobble in his step, with his loose black tee tucked into tight blue jeans. He can't help but wonder how Jimin went from teaching his students to bringing home the doe-eyed boy, drunk, in just a matter of hours.

"Want something to drink?" Jimin asks, looking over his shoulder from his open refrigerator. His voice startles Taehyung, who glances between the two of them. "I have water, soju..." Jimin giggles, a sweet, delicate sound that makes Taehyung ache, and he continues, "...that's about it."

"Uh, s-sure," Jeongguk responds in a voice that's much meeker than Taehyung expected. 

"I gave you two choices, Ggukie," Jimin smirks as he raises an eyebrow.

Jeongguk blushes—fucking blushes—and he says, "I m-meant both are fine," and Taehyung thanks the universe he can't vomit because this—the nickname, the shy stuttering, the tension hanging in the air—all of this is absolutely fucking disgusting. 

With another devastating giggle, Jimin fills a glass of water, grabs a bottle of soju and two small cups, and brings everything to the couch. Jeongguk scoots close to one side, giving Jimin space beside him, and Jimin sets the items on the table and plops himself down. Taehyung moves across the living room and stands leaning against the front door, curious suddenly about the dynamic between these two. 

While Jimin sits with straight, confident posture, Jeongguk—the taller, broader, more muscular of the two—slouches a bit and appears uncertain. Jimin cracks open the bottle of soju and pours two cups, then hands one to his guest, who smiles shyly when their fingers happen to brush, and Taehyung rolls his eyes.  

The two of them drink quietly, and Jimin pulls his knees onto the couch so his body can twist and face Jeongguk. Taehyung considers releasing his energy and floating backward through the apartment door to get the fuck out of there when Jeongguk speaks up.

"Wanna tell me what's on your mind now?" Jeongguk asks, and all the mirth drains from Jimin's eyes.

Jimin clears his throat and glances around the room, eyes landing on the rectangular box on his table. "Today is the two-year anniversary of..." Jimin begins, but his lips falter. He reaches for the glass of water, leans forward as he takes a sip, then he sets the glass down and relaxes, turning back to Jeongguk.

"My best friend died," Jimin mutters. "T-two years ago."

Jeongguk's mouth falls open, his eyes well with tears, and there's a twitch in his hand as if he wants to reach out to comfort Jimin, but he keeps it to himself. "Oh, Jiminie, I'm—"

"It's fine," Jimin says as he shakes his head. "I mean...it's not, but...it is. I still miss him every day, and sometimes I feel like a large part of my heart is just...gone. But sometimes, it also feels like he's still here. I don't know, can't explain it."

Jimin's hands shake over his knees, and this time Jeongguk does reach out, lifting his hands and hovering them over Jimin's, but keeping distance as if searching for a sign. Jimin nods softly, and Jeongguk drops his hands, engulfing Jimin's completely.

"What was he like?" Jeongguk asks, holding a concerned gaze on Jimin's face. 

If Taehyung had a heart, it would surely be pounding. Jimin seems to be looking down at their hands, and a smile tugs at the corner of his mouth. "He was...amazing," Jimin mutters with an audible shake in his voice, and Taehyung lets in a soft gasp, suddenly feeling remorseful for being silent for the last two years—suddenly feeling guilty for thinking Jimin had forgotten about him.

"He was the only person who ever really saw me," Jimin continues. "I always envisioned him by my side, forever. We knew each other for so long that I could never picture a life without him. He was my rock...my safe place...my best friend in the whole world. And then, one day, he was just...gone."

Jimin's voice breaks on the last word, and he lifts a hand to wipe tears from his cheeks. Jeongguk shifts forward as if to comfort Jimin even more, but Jimin shakes his head and the soft smile returns. Slowly, Taehyung moves from the door, feeling a flurry of emotion for Jimin, and he sits with his legs crossed in front of the table, across from them.

"I'm okay," Jimin mutters. "It was easily the worst thing that has ever happened to me, and some days it feels hard to get out of bed, but I do my best. I know he would want me to do my best."

"Always," Taehyung responds quietly, wishing he could reach over the table and touch Jimin. "I always want you to do your best." 

Silence falls between them, and for the first time, Taehyung really takes in Jeongguk. Wavy dark brown hair falls just past his cheekbones, tucked behind an ear on one side. He has rounded features that make him appear soft and gentle, with a sharp cupid's peak and nicely squared jaw. And although he wears a baggy tee shirt over black joggers, and his frame swims in his clothing, Taehyung can tell by his forearms and by the way the fabric hangs over Jeongguk's shoulders that he must work out. 

There's a kindness in Jeongguk's gaze that makes Taehyung wonder if perhaps he was too quick to judge the guy's intentions, and he eases up a bit, relaxing where he sits. But the Jeongguk speaks again, and everything in the room shifts. 

"Do you think he would have liked me?" 

Jimin's eyes find Jeongguk's, and his lips curl into a smirk. He reaches up and gently pushes the other side of Jeongguk's hair behind his ear.

"Of course, he would, Ggukie. Who wouldn't like you?"

There's a tone in Jimin's voice, playful and deep—a tone that speaks volumes where his words say so little. The sound of it makes Taehyung tense up once more, and he balls his fists in his lap. 

Taehyung does not like Jeongguk.

Once again, Jeongguk blushes, but the shyness is outshined by something else—something more akin to hunger. He licks his bottom lip and smiles back at Jimin, but then his gaze moves to the box on the table, and his energy seems to shift back to something more neutral.

"Is that why you wanted the ouija board?" Jeongguk asks. 

Taehyung's mouth falls open, and he stares at the plain, unassuming package before him, unsure how to feel. While he's flattered that Jimin has decided to make some, albeit childish, attempt to contact him, he can't help but feel scorn that it's taken so long. He also can't help but feel bitter that Jeongguk got invited.

Jimin plays with his bottom lip between his teeth and flashes a playful puppy dog smile that Taehyung hasn't seen in years. "Will you try it with me?"

Instinctively, Taehyung scoots away from the table. He doesn't want to play ouija with Jimin and his fucking friend. He doesn't want anything to do with this flirtatious little exchange of theirs. 

Jeongguk leans forward and fills his and Jimin's cups of soju, then sets the empty bottle down and hands Jimin his cup. Jimin smiles sweetly as he accepts, and they tap the cups together before shooting the liquid down. When Jeongguk turns his head to take his shot, he looks directly at Taehyung, and Taehyung can't help but feel frozen in his seat. There's a warmth in Jeongguk's eye that wasn't there moments ago, and Taehyung doesn't fucking like it. 

Jimin sets his empty cup on the table and gets up to walk into the kitchen, and Jeongguk leans forward, sets his cup down, and reaches for the box. As Jeongguk lifts the lid, Jimin opens his fridge, and while Jeongguk takes out the ouija board and sets everything up in swift, delicate movements, Jimin returns with another bottle of soju.

“Have you done this before?” Jimin asks as he cracks open the bottle. He turns his head to face Jeongguk, who tugs his lower lip between his teeth.

“No,” Jeongguk responds with a lilt of playfulness in his tone. “This is my first time. You?”

Jimin seems to study Jeongguk for a brief moment, then turns back to the task of filling their small cups. He hums and says, “Guess we’ll discover how it works together.”

The groan that leaves Taehyung’s chest is one of deep annoyance, and he sits back with his palms against the wooden floor, readying himself to disappear through it at a moment’s notice. Jimin pushes a soju cup over the Jeongguk, and they both sit up straight with their butts at the edge of the couch.

The board looks like a standard dime store ouija board, with a fake wood design in the background and black ink print. The word Yes is in the top left corner and No is in the top right, the alphabet takes up most of the board, with Goodbye on the bottom. Only, this is a bootleg version that Jimin bought from a novelty shop that has everything printed in Korean.

“I think we’re supposed to put this,” Jimin begins, lifting the cream-colored planchette and setting it in the top center of the board, “here, and then we lightly place our fingers on this, and the spirit moves it around with us.”

Jimin places two fingers on the edge of the planchette, near the bulbous top end, and Jeongguk scoots in close and places two fingers near the center of it. They both stare at their hands as if deciding what to do next. 

“How do we know the other person isn’t moving it, though?” Jeongguk asks. 

Jimin turns to look at Jeongguk and, judging by his expression, seems surprised to find them sitting so close to one another. Taehyung watches as Jimin’s eyes scan Jeongguk’s face at the new distance before he blushes and looks away. 

“Are you accusing me of being a cheater, Jeon Jeongguk?” Jimin asks playfully. 

Jeongguk hums and smirks. “I don’t know, Park Jimin; are you?”

Jimin turns back to face Jeongguk, and the look on his face practically makes Taehyung spiral. Although this is a look he has grown accustomed to seeing on Jimin’s face, it’s one he only witnesses in times of passion, moments before Jimin jerks off, when he is teasing his skin and warming himself up.

If they fucking kiss on Taehyung’s deathiversary while in the throes of attempting to contact him using a cheaply made board game, Taehyung will surely evaporate into thin air. 

But they don’t kiss. Jimin blinks out of the stare and scoffs, then rolls his eyes. With a tsk, he says, “I’m wounded, Ggukie. I thought you knew me better than that.”

Taehyung watches Jeongguk’s lips flounder around like a fucking fish before he closes them tight and doesn’t respond, and Taehyung sighs with relief. Whatever the fuck those pretty lips would have said next would have surely been infuriating. 

“So, I guess we just…talk?” Jimin says, looking between their hands on the planchette and Jeongguk’s face.

Jeongguk shrugs. “Maybe let’s move this thing around a bit? To like…I don’t know, warm the board up?”

Jimin chuckles and nods his head, and they begin to move the planchette around the board in circles and waves, in a euphony of plastic scraping against lacquered cardboard. There’s a look of delight and curiosity in Jimin’s eye, and Taehyung can’t help but stare. He almost wants to interact with them to make Jimin happy. Almost.

“Okay,” Jimin says. He closes his eyes and clears his throat. “Dear ouija board, my name is Park Jimin and I am trying to find my best friend Kim Taehyung.” Beside him, Jeongguk’s face breaks out into an affectionate smile.

Taehyung sits still, unmoved. After two years of wanting nothing more than to be present in Jimin’s life, all of this feels so strange and insincere. He almost thinks hiring some shitty psychic in a back alley shop would have been less insulting. 

When Taehyung doesn’t respond, Jimin sighs and opens his eyes. He looks out into the living room, toward the far window at Taehyung’s left, allowing himself to get lost in thought before he finally speaks.

“Taehyung,” Jimin mutters softly. “I don’t know if you can hear this, but…I’m sorry I haven’t tried to do this sooner, I just…I guess I don’t even know if things like this work. And I got scared. I thought about opening myself up to something like this and getting no response and the idea of it broke my heart. But I think it’s better to at least try, so here I am…trying. Anyway, If you’re out there, I hope you let me know, sometime.”

If Taehyung had a heart, Jimin’s little speech would have surely tugged at it. He sits on the floor staring at his best friend, watching as all of the playfulness slowly sinks away and is replaced by an earnest sadness. He wants to reach out and touch Jimin—wants to move the planchette to tell Jimin he’s there, that he’s always been there—but he doesn’t move. 

“I had a dream the other night that you were lying beside me in bed,” Jimin continues. “We weren’t doing anything remarkable, you were just there. You still had the same shaggy long hair that you had when I last saw you, and you brushed your thumb over my cheek the same way you would whenever I was being a crybaby. Even though I wasn’t crying. Maybe you could sense my sadness.” Jimin smiles to himself and looks down at his fingers. 

“For the rest of the day I felt this lightness, like I was sure you were there. It carried me through the day and made me feel stronger. Just knowing you might still be here makes me feel like I can conquer anything.”

One single teardrop falls from Jimin’s eye, and Taehyung sits forward, shifting his legs around until he’s on his knees. He looks at Jimin, studies him from below, and then reaches out with one hand, thumb gravitating to the apple of Jimin’s cheek before he stops himself. 

Jeongguk’s weight shifts and Taehyung sees his hand snake around Jimin’s waist, gently pulling him into a half hug. Jimin sniffles and smiles, wiping his tears with his free hand. 

“Maybe this was a mistake,” Jimin mutters.

“It’s okay,” Jeongguk responds softly, tightening his grip on Jimin’s side. “At least we tried.”

Jimin nods his head shallowly and removes his fingers from the planchette. As his hand grabs onto his small cup of soju, the hand between his and Jeongguk’s bodies moves to rest on Jeongguk’s knee. Jeongguk’s gaze falls first to Jimin’s hand, then, with a smile, he grabs his cup. Tears continue to fall slowly over Jimin’s cheeks despite his smile, and Jeongguk moves his arm from around Jimin’s waist to reach up and wipe away Jimin’s tears with the pad of his thumb.

All at once, Taehyung stands, towering over them. His mind races with ways to separate them and get Jeongguk the fuck out of this apartment, but he settles on using a single finger to push the cup of soju out of Jeongguk’s weak grasp, dropping it to the table. 

The boys startle, and Jeongguk jumps a few inches away from Jimin, then looks around the apartment with wide eyes. Jeongguk looks nervous while Jimin looks amused. 

“This wasn’t free, you brat!” Jimin squawks while pointing to the ouija board, but Jeongguk shakes his head. 

“I didn’t do that, I swear!”

An amused smile tugs at Jimin’s lips. “Uh-huh, sure!”

“I swear!” Jeongguk responds, looking as if he had actually seen the ghost that made him drop his cup.

“Fine, I’ll humor you,” Jimin says with a chuckle. "Taehyung, darling, was that you?

Taehyung isn't sure why he's so infuriated with Jimin's new, playful tone. Maybe it's the addition of Jeongguk there. Maybe it's the fact that suddenly, all of this seems like nothing more than a fucking joke or some weird rouse to get Jeongguk alone in Jimin's flat. 

Nobody's fingers remain on the planchette, and Taehyung reaches down and pushes it over the word No. Both Jeongguk and Jimin gasp and jump back against the couch, and Taehyung swipes the whole board away, sending it crashing to the floor with a wet streak of soju following in its wake. Taehyung leans forward with his palms on the table, eye level with Jimin as he watches them.

Jeongguk looks terrified, and he scoots away from Jimin to the side of the couch where he had been sitting before, almost cowering away. Jimin, on the other hand, has his eyes fixed on the table before him, staring at the mess of soju left behind. In his fingers, his cup still dangles, and Jimin pulls himself out of his reverie enough to shoot the soju back.

"I, uh...I think I should go," Jeongguk says. Jimin doesn't argue.

The shift in the energy is palpable, and it makes Taehyung uneasy, but he doesn't move. He watches as the wheels seem to turn in Jimin's mind and notices anger in his gaze. Taehyung wonders if Jimin knows it was him who made that mess, after all.

Without another word, Jeongguk gets up, moves across the room and slides his feet back into his sneakers. He doesn't look back as he leaves the apartment, and Jimin doesn't lift his eyes to watch him leave.

Taehyung reaches out and, with the pad of his thumb, rubs over the swell of Jimin's cheek, making himself known to him for the first time since his death. He isn't sure what he expects would happen, but he imagines something along the lines of Jimin gasping and realizing his best friend is really there, crying tears of joy that they're finally reunited. 

What Taehyung doesn't expect is for Jimin's eyes to snap right to Taehyung's as if he can see him before saying, "Don't fucking touch me. Whoever you are, you're not welcome in this apartment."

Taehyung hoped the ouija board incident would be the last he would see of Jeongguk, but instead, Jimin just goes to spend time with him outside of his apartment. It started with small coffee dates between classes and grabbing a beer at night with their group of friends and progressed to them doing those things but as just the two of them. 

Tonight, Jimin stands before his mirror, putting on makeup and gazing at his figure, while Taehyung leans against the dresser as always, with his arms crossed over his chest. 

Jimin had gone out earlier to get his hair lightened and colored cotton candy pink, unlocking a level of devastating beauty that Taehyung didn't know was possible. From Jimin's ears dangle silver hoops, and he applies a light dusting of pink eyeshadow around his eyes and a matching pink, shimmery gloss to his plush, perfect lips. 

The outfit Jimin wears is surprisingly understated. A plain white tee is half-tucked into tight blue jeans with holes at the knees. His many silver rings and bracelets draw attention to his dainty hands and wrists, and Taehyung imagines he'll pair his favorite slim black boots with the black leather belt around his waist. Tangerine and lilac hang in the air as Jimin twirls around a cloud of perfume and smiles at his own reflection.

There's a swish to Jimin's hips as he leaves his apartment in the very boots Taehyung knew he would slip his feet into, and Taehyung can't help but satiate his curiosity as he follows close behind, eager to know just where the hell Jimin is going on a Saturday night, all done up and smelling like a cheap whore. 

Taehyung is surprised to discover Jimin's destination is some house party full of drunk college students listening to overproduced pop music and drinking out of red plastic cups. It doesn't take an idiot to see that this whole scene is below Jimin, and he scoffs as he takes in the chaos of the party, wondering what kind of person would be responsible for bringing a beauty like Jimin here, of all places.

Of course, it's Jeon fucking Jeongguk who greets Jimin in the kitchen with a tight hug. He hands Jimin a cup of something and roves his eyes over Jimin's body before reaching up to gently touch his pink hair. Jimin bites his lower lip, clearly pleased with the attention. 

"Wow, Jiminah," Jeongguk mutters, "you look...so pretty."

A blush plays over Jimin's cheeks that matches the tones in his hair, and he checks Jeongguk out in return, smirking as he takes in Jeongguk's muscular frame in a black tee shirt that actually fits him for once and skinny dark blue jeans that accentuate his long legs and slim waist. 

"Likewise, Ggukie," Jimin responds as he lifts his drink to his lips, holding tense eye contact with Jeongguk. 

Taehyung considers knocking yet another drink from Jeongguk's hand just to break the tension and maybe put a little more fear into the guy, but they're interrupted by some friends and, for the time being, go back to acting shy and platonic with one another.

Taehyung's next outburst comes not with a bang but with the whisper of sweet words and the light blush on Jimin's cheeks when his lips brush against Jeongguk's neck, just below his ear. 

The party has since died down, and Jeongguk is leaning against the kitchen counter, which is covered haphazardly in bottles of alcohol and mixers and abandoned plastic cups. Jimin suggests they get out of there, go somewhere just the two of them, and as his lips meet Jeongguk’s skin, Jeongguk’s breath hitches, and he lifts his hands to gently take Jimin by the waist. 

“Want to come back to mine?” Jeongguk suggests, tilting his face to look down at Jimin. 

Jimin stands on his toes and slowly, delicately rubs the tips of their noses together. With a nod, he says, “Let’s go.”

Taehyung doesn’t stick around to see the rest. He doesn’t follow them to Jeongguk’s place, and he doesn’t return to Jimin’s apartment. Instead, he walks through the front door, out into the cool autumn night, in no particular direction. 

When Taehyung’s anger reaches its breaking point, he steps into the road and materializes into something an oncoming driver must be able to see, causing them to veer quickly and crash into a pole. 

Taehyung doesn’t keep track of how long he wanders before he returns to Jimin’s apartment. Days, perhaps? Maybe a week. He roams the city, taking pleasure in fucking with unsuspecting strangers and searching for other ghosts to spend his time with. 

Although some of the paths he crosses prove interesting, he misses Jimin. Nobody else feels like home quite like his best friend. 

It’s late when Taehyung materializes through Jimin’s front door, sometime after bar time but well before dawn. Jimin lays spread out across his bed wearing a white tee shirt and tight black briefs. Smudges of black mascara are visible beneath Jimin’s eyes, and his breath smells like stale liquor. 

Taehyung sits on the bed beside Jimin with enough force to make the mattress dip, and when Jimin grumbles and shifts slightly in the direction of the movement, Taehyung tenses. With the pad of his thumb, Taehyung gently brushes over the curve of Jimin’s cheek. A soft smile tugs at the edges of Jimin’s lips, and Taehyung leans down and softly presses a kiss to that smile, breathing in Jimin’s scent—floral, fruity and musky with a hint of vodka.

Jimin groans and smiles wider. The light kiss seems to have brought him back to consciousness, and he slowly blinks his eyes open. Then, as Jimin looks around the room, he realizes that—as far as he can tell—he’s all alone. 

Taehyung can’t quite pinpoint the look in Jimin’s eyes, but there’s sadness swirling in the depths along with confusion. Jimin swallows hard and adjusts on his bed, pulling his blanket out from beneath him and covering himself with it, all the way to his mouth.

Jimin injures himself one winter morning on the way to school. It's not too serious, just a light sprain to one of his ankles, but his doctor prescribes him a rather strong pain medication.

Taehyung enjoys the few cozy days that he gets to spend with a weak, drowsy Jimin, but as soon as he feels more mobile, he begins to spend less and less time at home again, and Taehyung goes back to feeling bitter about the absence of his friend.

Taehyung begins spending more time away from Jimin’s apartment than he spends in it. No longer does he sit and wait for Jimin to come home. No longer does he watch as his pretty best friend gets ready to go to shitty house parties and loud nightclubs with his pretty little boy toy. 

Instead, Taehyung continues to stroll aimlessly through the city, pulling pranks on humans and finding other spirits to distract him. The longer Taehyung spends away from Jimin, the more bitter he becomes. At times he’s certain he hates Jimin, and he curses the universe for ruining their perfect friendship and everything they worked for over the years. 

Flashes of Yoongi and Jeongguk touching and kissing Jimin creep through his mind, and Taehyung feels furious over the fact that it should have been him. He should be the one touching and kissing and fucking Jimin, not those idiots. He is the one who stuck by Jimin’s side for all of those years. He is the one who deserves to be with Jimin. 

When Taehyung does return to Jimin’s apartment, it’s to watch him sleep and to move things around, to give him a little scare. It starts small, switching the shampoo, conditioner and body wash bottles to different spots. But then he starts to pull bigger, more obvious pranks like moving Jimin’s dishes into his dry storage cabinet and placing his bedside lamp on the other side of the room. 

Taehyung gets a rise out of watching Jimin wake up and gasp at the sight of his things moved around. It shouldn't amuse him so much to watch his best friend approach his own kitchen with a fearful look in his eye, but it does. As Jimin's hands shake and he looks around his apartment for any signs of someone breaking in, Taehyung shouldn't feel so amused, but he can't help it. 

And anyway, Jimin looks so pretty when he pouts.

This time, Taehyung doesn't have an outburst and leave. This time, when Jeongguk slithers over Jimin's half-naked body, slurring drunk compliments at the pretty boy below him, Taehyung has an outburst and makes him leave. 

Taehyung storms through the wall and swats a glass of water that sits on the bedside table, sending it flying across the room and smashing into the far wall. Both Jimin and Jeongguk squeal like scared little pigs, and Jeongguk sits up on his knees before scurrying backward away from the table where the glass was until he's tripping over himself to get out of the bed. 

Jimin pleads with Jeongguk not to go, but he's clearly too drunk and too sleepy to chase after him. As Jeongguk runs out of Jimin's bedroom and leaves with his boots in his hands, Jimin pulls his covers over his head and curls into the fetal position, letting his drunkenness and anxiety pull him quickly to sleep. 

Taehyung waits for Jimin to roll onto his back and start snoring lightly—something he does when he’s drunk and sleeping nice and heavy—and then he approaches the bed. Gently, Taehyung rubs his thumb over Jimin’s cheek, and when he doesn’t get a response, he grabs onto Jimin’s blanket and tugs it down. 

The tee Jimin wears is bunched up around his waist, and Taehyung reaches out to push the fabric further and expose his nipples. Gently, Taehyung brushes his thumb over the dusky skin, watching with delight as it reacts and stiffens. 

A soft huff of air leaves Jimin’s lips, and Taehyung leans further and flicks his dry tongue out to tease the nipple. Jimin’s soft, pebbled skin sparks something in Taehyung, and he laps at it once more, drawing a deeper moan from Jimin’s lips.

Jimin’s hand motions to push his shirt down, and Taehyung catches it, holding it still as he continues to tease his best friend. Although the touch seems to be causing Jimin to stir, it’s not waking him up, and Taehyung sits up and directs his attention lower. 

Beneath Jimin’s tight shorts is a soft bulge that Taehyung very delicately traces his fingers over. Jimin’s thighs twitch, and Taehyung nibbles on his bottom lip as his fingers dance across the ridge of Jimin’s cock head and down his shaft, to his balls. 

With a groan, Jimin reaches down and squeezes his own cock. A glance at his face shows Jimin to still be at least partially asleep, and Taehyung places his hand over Jimin’s and uses it to rub himself until he’s hard. 

If Taehyung had saliva, his mouth would surely be watering. Jimin’s hand falls away as a deeper state of sleep claims him once more, and Taehyung replaces it with his own hand, using the tips of his fingers to trace the curves of Jimin's now fully erect cock. 

“Fuck,” Taehyung mutters as his gentle touches turn firm. He envelopes Jimin’s shaft in his hand and slowly strokes up his length and down again, watching Jimin’s face for any trace of waking. 

Jimin’s mouth opens slightly, and he mutters barely audible gibberish. Taehyung’s finger rubs over a wet spot in Jimin’s briefs and presses against it, feeling more precum soak through the thin fabric. Although Taehyung has no sense of taste, he feels the need to lick it.

Gently, Taehyung removes his hand from Jimin's erection and grabs onto the hem of his briefs. He tugs on the fabric slowly, watching for any signs of alertness. Then, as the tip of Jimin’s cock comes into view, he swipes his dry tongue over his lips.

Taehyung leans down and gently rubs his lips over the soft skin below the head of Jimin’s cock, then sticks his tongue out to taste him. He laps up to the tip and collects the dribble precum, imagining what it might taste like, and he can’t help the pleased groan that escapes him. 

Jimin’s hips twitch, and he makes a sound as his hand returns to his cock. Taehyung moves his face just in time and watches in wonderment as Jimin grabs himself and strokes up his shaft as he stirs in his sleep once more. 

“Need to make sure you get drunker next time,” Taehyung mutters as he sits up and grabs onto his own erection. 

As Taehyung’s eyes rove over Jimin’s body, up to his lips, and back down to the leaking cock in his fist, he jerks himself off. “This will do for now.”

Taehyung doesn’t see a trace of Jeongguk for a while. He thinks that perhaps he’s finally scared the boy away from Jimin’s apartment for good. In fact, he's surprised he hasn't scared Jimin away. As far as he can tell, Jimin hasn't considered moving out. Perhaps he's come to peace with the idea that some bitter ghost who hates his male friend lives amongst him. 

It helps that Taehyung has stopped haunting him. It's been too long since they've shared a masturbation session, and Taehyung longs to see Jimin at his most relaxed and vulnerable.

As the semester comes to a head and Jimin buries himself in studying for exams and working part-time at the dance studio, Taehyung begins to come around to the apartment more often again.

It’s not quite like it was before, but Taehyung enjoys sitting in his best friend’s company. But where there once was longing and admiration when Taehyung would watch Jimin go through the daily motions of his life, now Taehyung just feels lust. Lust and impatience. 

Taehyung waits for the moment when Jimin sighs and sets his books aside, roving his hands over his body in search of some stress relief. Luckily, with Jimin becoming increasingly swamped with schoolwork, he spends enough time at home that he has to release his pent up energy on his own, and his sessions become more creative than simply jerking off. 

Taehyung can’t help but gasp at the sight of Jimin working a lubed-up glass dildo into his ass, and that day he reaches his dry but intense orgasm in record time. 

Jimin stumbles into his apartment shitfaced. To celebrate the end of the semester, he went out to the nightclub, probably with Jeongguk. Taehyung almost didn’t stay at the apartment, assuming that Jimin would want to go back to the doe-eyed boy’s place to get railed after so many weeks of fucking himself with toys, so he’s surprised when Jimin makes an abrupt, clumsy entrance.

Taehyung can't help but wonder how Jimin managed to get home in his current state, but he thanks his lucky stars that he made it in one piece and that he came in alone. He just needs to get Jimin naked, ideally before he passes out. 

Jimin stumbles into the kitchen and grabs a clean glass from the drying rack beside the sink. In his drunken stupor, Jimin knocks his knee into the cabinet while stepping to the sink for water and leans into the counter as he winces and groans. 

Taehyung stands with his arms crossed over his chest and smiles to himself as Jimin reaches above the sink and grabs a pill packet down. Of course he's too intoxicated to notice Taehyung put the stronger painkillers leftover from Jimin's sprain in the place where his over the counter pain medicines are kept. 

Jimin rips the wrong package open, swallows the wrong pill down with a gulp of tap water, then he makes his way to his room, eyes drooping low as he fumbles over to his bedside table and sets down his glass with a loud thunk. Then he strips down to his briefs and tee and goes into the bathroom to brush his teeth. 

Taehyung moves the glass of water close to the edge of the table, and as soon as Jimin returns, his hip bumps into it. Delight spreads across Taehyung's face as Jimin ends up spilling water all over his hip and thigh, narrowly stopping the glass from falling to the floor. 

"God, it's just too fucking easy," Taehyung mutters with a grin as Jimin strips out of his briefs. 

Jimin stands, swaying as if he's out at sea, and for a moment, it looks like he's considering grabbing a dry garment. But, ultimately, he topples onto his bed in only a shirt, with his face down on a pillow. He's asleep in a matter of minutes. 

"Shouldn't mix those painkillers with alcohol," Taehyung mutters teasingly as he changes his ghostly form from one that's dressed to one that's nude. "They'll make you really drowsy."

Taehyung gets onto the bed and straddles Jimin's ass, feeling the soft, supple skin between his thighs. With one hand, Taehyung roughly grabs Jimin by his pretty pink hair and tugs his head up. Jimin mutters softly but is out like a light and already drooling, and Taehyung scoffs, dropping his cheek against the pillow as he mutters, "Way too fucking easy."

Jimin lightly snores as Taehyung reaches for the bottle of lube on the bedside table, and he smiles to himself when he squirts some between Jimin's cheeks, and the sensation doesn't make him stir. With two fingers, Taehyung rubs between Jimin's cheeks until the pad of his middle finger dances over Jimin's puckered rim.

A deep, needy groan leaves Taehyung's chest, and he places his free hand on Jimin's ass and spreads him wide to get a better look at him. "So pretty," Taehyung moans as he rubs his finger over Jimin's hole, then pushes it inside. 

Jimin is soft, wet and warm, and Taehyung forces his entire finger in, stretching his walls unceremoniously around him. Despite being unprepped, Jimin's ass seems to swallow him eagerly. 

"Fuck," Taehyung mutters, feeling his cock ache for attention. 

It takes no time at all for Taehyung to stretch Jimin around two and then three of his fingers. He explores Jimin's ass and revels in the soft twitches and noises that he makes. Although it's not the same as getting to watch pleasure tug at Jimin's face, this is the only way Taehyung can have him, and he has come to terms with this being good enough. 

Slowly, Taehyung pulls his fingers from Jimin's ass and rubs them over his rim, up and down between his cheeks, making a nice big fucking mess. Then he pops the lube bottle open, squirts more liquid straight into Jimin's hole, and tosses the bottle onto the bed. 

Taehyung gathers some of the lube from between Jimin's cheeks and slathers his cock, groaning from the slick sensation. Then he shimmies down between Jimin's legs, spreads his soft yet muscular thighs and lines his cock up with Jimin's perfectly messy hole. 

If Taehyung had a heart, it would surely be pounding. Unlike Jimin, he has managed to uphold his half of their virginity pact, and now he's getting his reward. After all these years, he's finally getting what he thinks he deserves. 

Taehyung's fingers couldn't have prepared Jimin's tight little ass for his girth. What a shame, Taehyung thinks as he slowly sinks his tip in, stretching Jimin further around him. He thinks Jimin would have loved Taehyung's cock.

As Taehyung is swallowed by the warmth of Jimin's perfect body, he imagines Jimin on his back, pretty pink lips parted as he whines and gasps from pleasure. As he disappears into Jimin's ass, Taehyung imagines sitting against the headboard while Jimin moans and whimpers, riding him while his own leaking cock slaps against his tummy. Taehyung thinks Jimin would look absolutely heavenly on top of him. 

The squeeze of Jimin's ass is thrilling, a sensation that would surely knock the air from Taehyung's chest or make him dizzy if it could. Taehyung imagines Jimin crosseyed and begging for a chance to catch his breath before begging to be fucked. 

As Taehyung lifts his hips and presses his cock back into his sleeping best friend, he imagines Jimin might mewl and whimper, digging his tiny fingernails into the soft flesh of Taehyung's hips. If only Taehyung had soft flesh. 

"So good, Jiminah," Taehyung whines as he thrusts in a languid, deep pace. "You feel so fucking good."

Soft sounds leave Jimin's mouth, and he twitches from time to time, but his body makes no strong movements, nor does he show any signs of waking. Taehyung picks up his pace, watching with delight as Jimin's perky round ass cheeks ripple from each thrust. 

Taehyung's pleasure builds and builds, and there's a part of him that wishes he could fill Jimin's ass with cum. He wishes he could see his release drip from Jimin's perfectly puffy hole, making an even bigger mess of himself. The thought of it sends Taehyung plummeting, and he squeezes Jimin's waist with both hands as he plunges his cock in deeper, trembling through the intense bliss. 

"Fuck, baby, that's it," Taehyung whines as he sees stars and his pleasure crescendos. Perhaps this is the heaven Taehyung desired upon death. Perhaps this is the bliss he thought he would find in the afterlife. 

Taehyung pulls out and falls back against his knees, and he watches Jimin's tight pucker slowly close around nothing, glistening from the lube that still coats it. It's risky, but Taehyung stands up off the bed and rolls Jimin onto his back. 

Jimin grumbles as his limbs move like those of a ragdoll against the mattress, and Taehyung rubs his hands over Jimin's thighs, hips and tummy. It's risky, but Taehyung squirts lube onto Jimin's cock, slathers it up and shoves it down his throat. 

Taehyung slurps and sucks at his best friend's cock while sweet moans and whimpers leave his lips. It's risky, but Taehyung reaches between Jimin's legs and sticks two fingers into him, slowly fucking them in and out of his used hole while he slurps his cock down, eager to make him cum. 

Jimin moans loudly, and Taehyung's gaze flies to his face. Although Jimin appears to still be asleep, his brows are knit, and his pretty lips are parted, letting soft sounds slip between them. Taehyung continues to suck until Jimin's hips shake and tremble, then he pulls out and jerks Jimin off with his hand. 

It only takes a few pumps for Jimin to orgasm. Thick, white ropes of cum shoot from his cock, landing on his hips and tummy, and suddenly he seems somewhat alert as he whimpers and moans. At least, alert enough. Taehyung removes his fingers from Jimin's ass but continues to squeeze at his head until he's milked Jimin's pretty rosy-tipped cock of every drop. 

Jimin shivers and turns onto his side, reaching for his comforter, which is below him. When no warmth can be found, he grabs the side of the blanket and folds it over himself like a taco, all while staying more or less asleep. 

The sight of Jimin's cum spraying all over himself made Taehyung hard again, and as Jimin struggles to find comfort, Taehyung stands against the wall and jerks himself off.

It's been a while since Taehyung's watched Jimin wake up in tears, and he hates to admit how proud he feels to be affecting his best friend, just like old times. The reason may be different, but the anguish as Jimin curls into a ball in the shower looks the same.

Try as he might, Jimin has no memory of last night. He calls Jeongguk crying, begging for an explanation as to how he got home, but Jeongguk insists Jimin took a cab and that, after that, he has no idea. 

But something has to have happened because Jimin woke up in just a shirt, covered in cum with a sore ass sticky with lube. 

Taehyung doesn't have another outburst again. His haunting and drunk fucking escalates to the point of Jimin attempting to move out of that apartment and, in the process, alienating himself from his friends. The psychological horror of whatever is happening to him is so great that he begins therapy and medications. 

Jimin questions whether any of it is real or if he's experiencing hallucinations, and never seems to think it could be Taehyung haunting him and fucking with him. Taehyung finds it all incredibly amusing.

On the third anniversary of Taehyung's death, Jimin wakes up in a cold sweat moaning as he cums on his tummy. Taehyung has figured out how to rile him up and get him off all without waking him up—all without needing to get him drunk.

When Jimin finally rolls out of bed, he finds all of the furniture in his apartment is in the wrong place. He screams bloody murder and runs back to bed, pulling his cover over his head and muttering frantically to himself. Taehyung runs his hands up and down Jimin’s thighs gently over the blanket and smiles to himself as Jimin squeals and pulls away.

As a gift to mark the occasion, Taehyung takes out the old ouija board that Jimin had packed away a year earlier. The board is warped from soju and doesn't sit flat, but that's not important. All he needs is for the planchette to rest nicely over the word Yes. He wonders if Jimin will understand what he's saying yes to—that he's finally answering Jimin’s question of whether or not it was him. 

Taehyung cannot wait to see Jimin's reaction. 

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[tflegendarium]

How are the constructicon in your au?

The Constructicons are definitely present! They have a whole story in Origins!

Why You Don't Answer Greetings At Night is from Scavengers point of view. They are a construction crew and often travel for work. Scrapper, their leader, has a bit of a rivalry with Grapple and Hoist who are, to Scrapper, as mismatched as the every shifting group that make up Grapple's construction company.

Even though Scrapper hates them you do not travel the Wastes alone so they are camping together while crossing the Wastes to save money to get to a job. Scavenger isn't as involved as the rivalry as Scrapper or the others are and ends up becoming attached to Dagger, a small newbie with Grapple. Dagger doesn't really look designed for construction and gets teased by Bulkhead and Breakout who are Grapples regulars and who they occasionally shared jobs with before they joined up with Grapple. Scavenger is the smallest and gets teased by his gestalt so he sympathizes and lets Dagger sit with him once out of pity and now is stuck with a small ball of sunshine beaming at him which makes him equal parts flustered and proud and embarrassed because the other Constructicons definitely give him hell about it.

They are hanging out near and old half buried Temple and everyone knows well enough not to go in there and Scavenger finds a distressed Bulkhead yelling at and equally panicking Breakdown. They'd dared Dagger to go grab something from the Temple to prove himself but didn't think he would. Scavenger knows it is really haunted and tells them to go get the bosses if they aren't back an hour before morning and goes after Dagger. They are all afraid of Dagger or BHBD being fired which is a genuine horrifying concern.

They end up spending the worst night of Scavengers life running from ghosts while Dagger is hearing voices before being rescued by Breakdown and Bulkhead who couldn't stand leaving them. They all get yelled at and Bonecrusher admit the place isn't actually haunted. He and Long Haul pretended to be ghosts to mess with Scavenger years ago. It is dangerous though because it is unstable. Scavenger though knows what he saw and that was real.

Bulkhead and Breakdown have now bonded with Dagger and Scavenger and apologize for how they behaved. Dagger ends up cheekily showing he did get something. It is the hilt of a sword and they gush and laugh. He only tells Scavenger, who shivers, that the voices told him to grab it.

He also tells Scavenger that he is renaming himself Saber and they exchange contact information.

Dagger -> Saber -> Star Saber

I love Scavenger and Star Saber because Star Saber continues to think Scavenger is the best thing since sliced bread well into the future and Scavenger and the Constructicons end up helping him reforge the Starsaber. Absolutely no one understands what is going on between those two.

Scrapper and Grapple are both the definition of "haha, you are so obsessed with me, that's so sad for you" followed by Scrapper screaming incoherently and having to be held back, again, by Hook and Long Haul. Hoist just groans in the corner because his husband is an idiot who provokes this. Scrapper does not want to fuck Grapple despite accusations, but they do eventually become friends.

Still settling on personalities for the rest of the main group. I do love the Constructicons though.

[countlessrealities]

🗑️ ⚖️ 💚 right back at you!

Scrapped / on pause / WIP ideas meme || Selectively accepting !

🗑️ a scrapped element of the blog

This is something that I never actually applied to this blog because I scrapped the idea before I had the chance to try it out, but I think it should count since it's about one of my current muses.

When I firstly designed my HCs for Evil Rick, he was very different from the version I've chose to adopt for my portrayal. The initial idea I had for him had been to base his character mostly on the stereotype of what in the mind of the public is a "sociopath" (I know, I know, we aren't using that sort of terminology anymore, but it's for the sake of simplicity). So, brutal, unrefined, unable to understand basic social / human behaviours and uninterested in learning to. He was basically just an asshole who had no driving force in life if not satisfy his darker impulses. Also, he was supposed to behave more like he does in the show while under Evil Morty's control.

Whoever has even just glanced at how I write him now, you can see that he's nothing like that. Sure, he's merciless, can't feel empathy, he's extremely gory at times, but his whole personality is centre on quiet and emotionless detachment. There's a long list of reasons why I picked this version over the other, but I won't list them. I just wanna mention that I ended up making up almost the opposite (attitude wise) of how he acted while puppeteered by Evil Morty because, for how I write him, my Evil Morty would want to put as much distance between himself and his Rick, thus why he distorts his personality. And also because he knows that Evil Rick would find it insulting.

⚖️ something stuck in limbo

I've been pondering for a couple of weeks now to add a certain muse to my roaster. I've been writing him on Discord with @mcltiples (so I blame her for giving me the thought to add him on here too) and I think I'm doing pretty decently. Plus, he's fun to write and I need more psychos on my muses list.

I'm still pondering it because 1. I already have several muses and 2. a close mutual of mine writes the same character and that makes me a little hesitant because I don't want it to look like I'm trying to copy them / steal their spotlight.

I know, I know, point 2 is probably all just paranoia, but I can't help worrying about it. As for point one, I'm planning to remove a muse (Stan) from my roaster with the new year, so that could technically mean having an open spot.

💚 a coming idea that still needs development

This one is an element that I've often included in my portrayal, but without really defining it or diving in depth: Morty's anger issues and trauma-induced coping mechanisms.

There are a few specific HCs I tend to use and mention often (like how he spent a really long time unable to even just look at public bathroom, or how Rick has resorted to take him purging regularly), but the real extent of the damage Morty carries? That's pretty unknown to me too xD

I'd really like to develop these aspects more, decide what he has gotten over, what is still haunting him, and what had gotten lost in the cynic attitude and mindset he has been forced to adopt for the sake on not falling into an endless breakdown. Also, since most of the emotions linked to all this events manifest through anger (something that happened even before Rick) it's also very hard to tell how he truly feels about something. Whether he is truly angry or if rage is the manifestation of something else (guilt, fear, sadness, sorrow, remorse, etc).

[superconductivebean]

#588: insight in wright, hc post 4

I still hesitate to overshare much but that Historical Accuracy talk of today's evening made this post into existence because I suddenly stumbled upon

a Situation, in The Fic, to say the least. Dark stuff under the cut.

You see, this long story starts as any other retell of HL but with yet another self-indulgent character for an MC, or not so much self-indulgent, well, the premise was and is basically that.

But soon the story reveals its dark undertones and shades, becomes a dusk it always set in, for to just tell the tale of not just a superhero of Hogwarts with tragic backstory, but of a tough young lad who went through Hell and high water and now wants rest and happiness. But instead, she has to work through not only societal restraints but her assumptions of what these are, and also through a presumption, that those are not much different from those of the muggle world and will haunt her for her choices of property, career, love life, every single thing there is to her hastily growing character, tough to endure the heat of the suddenness of a moment but immensely fragile in the following cool of time that doesn't sooth; she is easily shattered.

A situation -- a collision of her pile of mixed perceptions and assumptions about society she now resides in and the reality of it, momentarily escalates a teen romance into a mental breakdown; she said to Sharp, her path was crooked, what would they voices of gossip say and what vice awaited her for to love her; for Sharp, who had always assumed the good about her well-maintained and hidden private life, had less than a single thought of the chasm that accidentally sparkled somewhere in her thoughts, revealed the inexplicable sense of pain surrounded her, that he missed out on the sex of her dearheart -- a part, that Wright accentuated, it was the most important in her yammer, and he didn't spot it right away.

And then, Sharp was recreating Wright's line of thinking. That his help, perhaps, she was putting at a constant watch and overthought because of that stem, that had returned, that his help might have had certain… implications, hence the gossip. Someone's foul joke put her under a pressure he, a wizard all his life, an auror for a good portion of it, a reclusive Potions master stuck in his searches for the cure for another, didn't realize was there all this time, hence her mood swings.

It just clicked. That was her void of pain she had to bear with every day since after the Battle; she couldn't share a thing because she feared rejection, shame and losing what little she managed to gather and save to somehow still enjoy life -- after all that success and growth.

they mirror each other, yeah, and the fucking ship blew up again

Is that all historical accuracy?

Not really because I have no idea how affected the wizarding world is by standards of not just Victorians but every other time there was before and after the Statute. My guess is, it's up to me and the needs of the story.

But what I gathered and read swiftly transformed into a spiral of mental shenanigans all around that long and winded path for a story to tell, where it's important to distance muggles and wizards the way for to an older man of higher status and of english descent to speak freely and with little to no prejudice to a young woman from somewhere of the lowest of the low -- remember, Wright is an immigrant child and grew up in south-west country, not even Bristol -- is not just possible but isn't frowned upon by either party, or anyone at Hogwarts for that matter, because basic human communication (outside political shitposting on main page of the Daily Prophet) isn't a problem in that society.

The caliber of Wright's troubles does not exist in the wizarding world. It is blocked off by the Statute almost completely. Should she had been enrolled in school by the age of 11, she would have never had any of this struggle.

so yeah it's called Under the Lamppost Is the Darkest for a reason.

And it's bloody hard to put into the right words.

This song btw:

[spiders-hth-is-an-outlier]

So overall I liked the Netflix Sandman, and I might write up something more specific than that at some point, but just like, for the record, I have Complaints but overall I liked it.  That said, I am going to complain, right now, I'm sorry, I am a middle-aged dude on the internet and a hefty fine does get levied if I don't say something negative about a Nostalgia Property marketed to me, my hands are tied.  Johanna Constantine doesn't work.  There!  I said it!  She doesn't work!

To be fair, I will say that no version of John Constantine has ever worked for me on screen – the Keanu Reeves movie is terrible, and I did really want to like the tv version, but I don't.  I always want to like these things!  Because I dearly love John Constantine.  I'm the kind of weird about Constantine that other people are about Batman, he is simply THE comic book character to me, an opinion I developed while my adult tastes were forming in late adolescence around Sandman and Everything Alan Moore Ever Touched In His Life.  The 90s were not on balance a golden age in comics, and a lot of things were actually uhhhh, really terrible, but I stuck with Hellblazer much longer than I did with other titles, because of Constantine.  He's mean, he's smart, he's deeply compassionate, he's a punk, he's a demonslayer, he's a con man, he's a fuckboy, he's a wizard, he's haunted, he's footloose, he's charismatic, he's the whole fucking package.

So you know, it didn't fully thrill me when they announced the genderflip for this show, because we've yet to get a live-action version of the actual character that I love, but you know, I was willing to be wooed.  I think I went in with an open mind, just recognizing that this was going to be a new thing and trying to evaluate it on its own terms.  And I don't think I'm just kidding myself; I can imagine a Johanna Constantine that would've hit the right buttons for me.  It's hard to know for sure, but I really did try to extend her every opportunity to embody the spirit of the character.

And I don't know why they made the choices they did.  Obviously people involved had their reasons.  But the thing is, for me, The Spirit of John Constantine is that he's kind of a mess.  He gets involved in shit because he can't leave shit alone, and he goes all in so that he's over his head.  He fucks up so much.  He's exhausted, he's bitter, he's had a few full-tilt mental breakdowns, his ghosts are literally and metaphorically all around him at all times.  Constantine is a very specific type of scruffy, intense sexy, a guy who's seen and done it all, the archetype of “will probably ruin your life, but the dick is insane.”  Can I imagine a female version of that character? Fuck yeah, I can!  Unfortunately, it's hard to imagine the female version of that character making it onto the screen.

What they did was an extremely safe version of the character.  She's young and conventionally attractive, which okay, it's a tv show.  Fine. But she's also so styled; she has perfect makeup and sleek hair and a neat coat that doesn't look like she's ever slept in it.  I mean, don't get me wrong, some versions of John Constantine have been a little more put-together than others, and I do think he's rocked the odd nice suit as well as sometimes looking like a bridge troll, but it's impossible for me to think that Netflix was just not going to do anything to this actress that made her look like less than a million bucks, for what reads to me as Deeply Gendered Reasons.

And that's kind of reflected all the way down in her character.  She approaches the exorcism in an entirely mercenary way – which, again, that element of John Constantine has always been there (he's a guy who's gone without enough that he values getting his where he can),  but choosing to show only that element, and not the way that Constantine is so often motivated by empathy for the underdog, is just a real wrong move in my opinion.  Also – and I know there are time constraints here and we can't delve deeply into Constantine Lore while Morpheus is the actual protagonist – but the exorcism they show us presents what I guess is meant to be a Routine Job for Johanna, and it's really just the “say the spell with your whole chest” school of wizardry. But the fun of John Constantine wasn't that he could just throw fireballs at demons or whatever!  He was smart and tricky and resourceful, he outfoxed demons more often than he overpowered them. And that's not the point of the episode, but when that's absent from our view of A Typical Day In the Life of Johanna Constantine, then we don't know whether or not she's smart or tricky or resourceful.  We just know that she can read the Latin real good, so she can charge a lot of money.  And that makes her a generic spellcaster to me; I don't particularly recognize that portrayal as fundamentally Constantine.

Even the aspect of the character that seems kind of potentially subversive when genderflipped, the whole “Constantine leaves a gender-neutral trail of broken hearts wherever s/he goes” thing, just kind of.  Doesn't work in this version, because without any context it just looks like “Constantine doesn't do relationships” for, I don't know, Hot Girl Reasons. Maybe that's not fair – maybe we're not supposed to take it as reliable when Johanna says she dipped out on Rachel just kinda because she didn't want to get as serious as Rachel did.  I'd have to reread Preludes & Nocturnes, which I haven't done in a while, to see how much what we're told of Rachel and Johanna matches what we're told of Rachel and John; maybe it just doesn't work for me because by the time Rachel is introduced there's already a failure to make Johanna seem like a messy person with a history of messy, broken relationships.  She seems shocked to learn that things went badly for this woman who loved her after Johanna fucked off, in a way that strikes me as not right for Constantine, who's a character with a lot of social and emotional intelligence that helps him navigate tight situations.  I don't know, that's the point that I'm least confident about my read on; I may just be uncharitable in this case.

It's a small part of the overall series, so the fact that I think they stripped out what makes John distinctive is a bummer for me personally, but hardly fatal to the show.  It's not a big deal.  It's not a big deal which is why I'm complaining about it on the World Wide Web for 1000 words.  To show how much it's not a big deal to me.  It's fine, I'm fine.

[shesmyplusone]

Star Trek Voyager: Character Arcs

I’ve now seen all of ST: Voyager twice now (not counting the dozens of times I’ve seen my favorite episodes!) and while I know this is no doubt a biased opinion from someone who has only seen Voyager from pilot to finale, the characters are my favorite group from within the ST-verse.

So! See below the break for my breakdown of each of them- what I love, what I hate, and what I would change:

Starting, obviously, with Captain Janeway- I was presupposed to love her, as my parents named me after her. I was born literally the day after Voyager premiered, and this show seemed to intertwined into my bones. I was a kid who always loved Sci-fi and fantasy media (books, movies, etc) but I was particular about what I liked, preferring even then things with female characters. My dad got me into ST: TNG first, which I have plenty of love for, but when he introduced me to Voyager it was different. Starting of course, with Janeway. She’s such a fun character, stuck with this incredible pressure of dooming the two crews to a journey of a lifetime. She has to find a way to balance the integration of two crews who distrust each other, of navigating through unfamiliar space with unfamiliar aliens and technologies, keep her precious Voyager running despite being tens of thousands of light years from the nearest Federation base, and dealing with the interpersonal development and relationships of her senior staff. All while dealing with her own guilt from her decision and missing her own life (Mark, her family, her dog!) at the same time. Kathryn Janeway, like many fictional female characters, is often reduced to certain character traits or decisions she makes (coffee jokes, etc) but she’s such a fascinating character because she’s constantly at war with herself- between the Captain Janeway who has to do whatever it takes to take care of her crew and get them home (because it’s her fault they are they to begin with!), and the Kathryn Janeway who sees how the crew is becoming a family around her, and longs to just let herself accept their circumstances and find a place within that family for good.

The decision she made in the pilot haunted her the entire show, and I love how it is expressed in her actions- in trying to negotiate with the Kazon, with trying to ally with Species 8472, trying any wild new technology that Voyager runs into. She is filled with so much guilt in the Season 5 premiere that she tries to sacrifice herself for her crew (and this is in no mean the first or last time she tried to do that!). This part of her is at war with the Kathryn who lets Neelix run the Mess Hall like a short order cook, who welcomes Icheb and the other Borg children on the ship, who looks after Seven and lets Kes explore her mental abilities. I love her deeply, and I want her to be able to come to terms with her choices, to be able to stop blaming herself for what was for much of the crew, the best seven years of their lives. She’s such a deep character, and the rewatch only made me love her more.

And you can’t speak about Janeway without letting Chakotay have his due as well. Chakotay, the angry warrior, the Maquis mauler! What a fascinating character he is. I would consider him underwritten the first few seasons of the show, with the writers depending on racial stereotypes to fill in the cracks in his story and dooming him to Seska’s fake baby arc. It was only later in the show they really started fleshing him out- the boxing, his interest in both history and archeology, and friendships with the other members of the crew beyond Kathryn and B’Elanna. But from the beginning, he was always committed to making him and Janeway’s crazy plan work- to make two crews become one. Without the unconditional loyalty he developed towards Kathryn, I’m not sure the two crews ever become one. He understood, from the very beginning, the pressure the decision Kathryn made put on her, and he was always there for her to lean on.

Chakotay is, if I could use one word to describe him, dependable. He is steady, ready for Janeway to bounce all of her crazy ideas off of, always there for B’Elanna as she adjusts to life on a Federation ship. Watching his relationships with Tuvok, Harry, and Tom slowly turn more positive was one of the greatest joys I had with his character this time around. Especially Tuvok! I had forgotten entirely the struggles they had in the first two seasons- especially in 2x6, when Janeway was out of commission and they clashed as they tried to decide how to lead the rest of the senior staff. It was a joy watching them grow into a duo that repeatedly teamed out to stop Janeway from her more extreme plans in season 7.

Of all of the characters, I feel conflicted over Chakotay’s writing. Most of the negativity comes down to the indigenous stereotypes littered over his character, but sometimes I am overwhelmed by how good he is. He deserved more than Tom calling him an Indian (a legacy of the 1990s which feels out of date to us in the 2020s, let alone Tom in the 2300s!), more than tattoo arc, more than the tropes about his spirit animal and medicine bundle which overloaded the first season. However, the way he treated Kathryn never stopped impressing me. This is a show from the 90s, it could have leaned entirely the other way, and let him be upset a woman was leading him. Instead, he became incredibly devoted to her. Their relationship is unlike so many Captain/First Officer relationships, not only because of the gender of the characters, but because they are inherently equals. There is no mentor/mentee aspect to their relationship, just two captains who were thrown across the Delta Quadrant and had to find a way to survive. I think that sums up why I’ve always been so attached to their dynamic, and so attached to the idea of their relationship turning romantic. I am (of course!) not a fan of the decision to pair him with Seven, not only because of their age & experience gap, but also because I think it underestimates Chakotay’s character.  He had always been incredibly predictable. It’s how two different spies got under his nose. Dating Seven is so far from his normal actions that it’s hard to even get one’s head around it. It wasn’t fair to him, just as I don’t think it was fair to Seven. One of my greatest wishes is for the Paramount+ STverse to redeem him from the choice. (Please Prodigy, let Hologram!Janeway find him!)

Despite it all, I adore his character. I love his little jokes on the bridge, I love every time he gets to save the crew, I love that he cannot fly a shuttle to save his life! I love when he encourages Harry and teases B’Elanna! Despite it all, he’s in my top three Voyager characters.

Number one, of course, belongs to Lieutenant B’Elanna Torres. My dad clocked me as a B’Elanna Stan as a nine year old, and honestly, nothing has ever changed for me. I’ve always enjoyed a female character with an anger problem, as well as characters who struggle with their identity, who feel as if they belong to two different worlds. B’Elanna takes both tropes to the extreme, her anger defining her for much of the series, and it comes hand in hand with her struggles to accept herself as both human and Klingon.

B’Elanna’s arc within the show is coming to terms with who she is, and understanding that she is worthy of love just the way she is. This was such an interesting arc to give to a character, mixed with her other personality traits- excessive loyalty towards the Maquis and Chakotay, incredibly intelligent to the point of almost being Evil Scientist-like, and how deeply and personally she feels things. It’s an interesting dynamic to give her- one of the smartest of the Voyager crew, but without a doubt also the most emotional (only challenged by her boyfriend and, ironically, the Doctor).

The show handles her in very interesting ways- I think the writers hadn’t really decided to lean into her anger issues until a few seasons in. During the first few seasons the writers really explored her intelligence, and started hinting at her excessive fear of abandonment, shown through Seska’s betrayal first. It’s only once the story begins to move towards Torres/Paris that you see them really exploring her Klingon heritage and the emotional differences that come along with it. I will always have a soft spot for her Maquis related episodes- Dreadnaught Extreme Risk, her arc in Hunters-all of them show her extreme loyalty to the Maquis, which to her was her first real family, and the pain she experiences by losing the majority of them. One complaint I’ve always had was that while the show was right to show the integration of the two crews in the later seasons, I still think there should have been more stories that focused on the growing pains related to this. Repression had the opportunity to do this, and is one of the many episodes of Voyager I’d love to see as a two-parter to allow for the sweet, sweet character scenes. But alas!

While B’Elanna did lose her old family in the Maquis, I adore watching her build her new one. Her pre-existing relationship with Chakotay and her friendships with a number of the other Maquis developed into a strong friendship with Harry, a grudging respect for Tuvok, a soft spot for Neelix, a (too brief!) friendship with Kes. I also adore her relationship with Janeway, how they get to often be the focus of whatever science related situation going on, but also allowing them moments to talk personally. And her friendship with Seven was too slow moving for me, but they did eventually come around to each other.  B’Elanna’s relationship with the EMH is one of my favorites- she was one of the first (besides Kes!) to handle the Doctor with kid gloves almost automatically- think about how when he complained about not being able to deactivate himself, she was the only one who stopped to listen to him and advocate for him that early on. It wasn’t always easy- she def. disregarded his feelings and undermined his personhood at times, but she was the one always taking care of him, doctoring the Doctor. And considering he’s such a bad patient, I don’t always blame her lol. But he’s the godfather of her baby at the end of the day, despite it all. And of course, there’s Tom!

I absolutely adore Torres/Paris for them both, but will only go into B’Elanna’s side here- the relationship allowed her the advantage of having someone always in her corner, the unconditional support Tom provides her is something she was clearly lacking the first few seasons. I have always enjoyed how the P/T relationship didn’t change either of Tom or B’Elanna’s characters, but really expanded upon what was already there. I also love how the romantic relationship didn’t negative impact B’Elanna’s important relationships with other characters- including Chakotay, who served a mixture of a fraternal and mentor type relationship for her, Harry- as a friendship independent of him and Tom-, the EMH, Janeway, and even Seven. Something I really enjoyed in Season Seven was the budding friendship between B’Elanna and Seven, which really endeared me to the season as a whole.

B’Elanna was able to show consistent growth over the course of the seven seasons, going from a somewhat immature young Academy drop out, to an experienced Chief Engineer with a strong social circle around her, with a supportive husband, and a baby on the way. She was no longer running from who she was, but accepting the complicated nature of both her heritages. She’s….the best. I thought so as a child, and this rewatch had no impact on that belief<3.

Now moving, somewhat obviously, to my second favorite, her flyboy, Thomas Eugene Paris. Tom is so fascinating to me as a character, because he’s not only one of the few who doesn’t fit into the initial Starfleet/Maquis dichotomy- he is both, but neither, and as such, neither side trusts him. This, of course, isn’t helped by his general personality at the start of the show- cocky, rude, self-obsessed. Much of this is, of course, a protective mechanism. Not letting people get close to him so he won’t disappoint them in the long run.

Of course, from the very beginning, neither Harry nor Janeway let him do that. They both put their faith in him, and he repays it again and again. This doesn’t help him with the other characters- Chakotay explicitly does not trust him, due to their history, and Tuvok seems generally unimpressed with his whole shtick. The EMH actively dislikes him for much of the show, Neelix hates him due to his early flirting with Kes, and B’Elanna has zero time for him for the first ten or so episodes of the show.

But Tom doesn’t let that slow him down- he shows off his hologram programs, charms his way into Neelix’s good graces, and then plays spy in one of the first story arcs that Voyager plays out across a season. It’s only after he exposes the spy (Kadian from Mass Effect, how could you!!!) then he really starts showing his character growth. Gone is the womanizer, and instead he pursues B’Elanna for nearly a full season before they get together. He starts his shifts in Sickbay, beginning the slow process of endearing himself to the EMH. He and Chakotay come to a truce, and Tuvok learns to tolerate him.

It’s not really until season five we get to explore more about his character, when he finds himself his first cause- being an environmentalist for a solid week and getting himself demoted. We see more of his strained relationship with his father, who is an omnipresent figure in the show, pushing for Starfleet to find the missing ship, but never actually talking to his son on screen. Which was a shame, because his father never got to have an onscreen reaction to how much Tom had changed during the seven year journey.

His relationship with B’Elanna does shepherd a lot of this change, encouraging Tom to stop falling into his hobbies and neglecting his responsibilities. Their relationship gives Tom something that matters, in some ways is his other cause- I always think of him in Unimatrix Zero- offering to mess with the shuttle so B’Elanna doesn’t have to get assimilated. He loves her in a way that makes him better, solely because he wants to be there for her. He wants to be the man she deserves, or as he says “the guy you’re in love with!” I love their dynamic because neither of their characters changed, but were simply elevated. He’s still the goofball with the twentieth century obsession-now he’s just sure to get home on time.

 Tom, who never felt comfortable back in the Alpha Quadrant, Tom, who had nothing going for him except for his correctional sentence.  He is one of the characters who benefited from being in the DQ- he became more responsible, became more dependable, and found himself at home. As he told Harry, Voyager, with his wife and little baby and his best friend was his home, and he had no interest in getting back to Earth. I love how that aspect of his character never changed, how Tom will no doubt struggle on Earth, have to find himself again. The most important fact is of course, that he’ll have his family with him, no matter where he goes!

The perpetual Ensign has to be next- Harry Kim, my very much beloved. Harry, who I do believe in underserved by much of the show, is still one of my favorites. He’s such a fun character, with his single minded desire to get back to Earth only topped by Janeway’s herself. It’s so easy, both within the show and in fan spaces, to see him as the “comic relief” sort of character, very “oh, silly Harry really thought they were going to make it home! Silly Harry went and fell for an alien again!” But I’ve always found him more tragic than that.

Harry’s still so young- on his first real assignment, away from Earth, his parents, his girlfriend- but he never lets himself stop believing Voyager‘s going to make it home. The first few seasons he wouldn’t even let himself look at another girl, despite Tom’s encouragement. But slowly, even the Ideal Ensign(TM) starts to let the DQ get to him, and he falls into a series of bad relationships with passing aliens, holograms, new Borg crew members, etc.

I understand the intention of the writers- there had to be some character who got into romantic entanglements, and Harry’s always fun to put in that role because it forces him to choose between his loyalty to Janeway and Voyager or his heart. When I was younger, I really focused on this aspect of his character, or seeing him as Tom’s sidekick.

But as the show continues, the later seasons play with his leadership abilities- letting him have the bridge on the night shift, leading away missions, his entire experience in Timeless- and this was something I really appreciated as the show continued. It’s so easy to make fun of how Janeway won’t promote him, but she’s right. There’s only so much room in Voyager’s command core, and Harry already has so much responsibility for someone so young! The chain of command goes Janeway --> Chakotay --> Tuvok-->Tom/B’Elanna (depending on the season)-->Harry. He’s really only one or two bad away missions or explosions away from actually having to be Captaining the ship. The show plays with this alot, showing different timelines when different characters are dead or missing (Before and After, Year of Hell, etc) and it’s really only in these episodes that it’s obvious how close Harry could be to leading the ship. I don’t blame Janeway for wanting to nurture his leadership skills before he has to be in such a role. And it gives him something to strive for!

My other favorite aspect of his character is his ability to make friends. He’s the only member of the main cast who could have believably become friends with both Tom and B’Elanna in the pilot, despite the low points in their own character arcs. He’s willing to extend his friendship to everyone (which is also how he gets himself in so many romantic subplots!). His friendship with Tom and B’Elanna is one of my favorite dynamics in VOY, and each season where they are together is a joy!

If I could give Harry anything, it would be more focus. I think he deserved a few more episodes not about his love life, maybe exploring his friendships with other members of the crew who he didn’t interact with a lot- Tuvok, Neelix, the EMH. But overall, I have always adored him. He was probably my VOY childhood crush, and he’s the character who’s quoted on the back of my childhood journal “It’s not the destination- it’s the journey.” Can’t wait to finally get a hint that he’s become Lieutenant Kim<3!

Next, we have to talk about Tuvok. Tuvok is definitely a character who I learned to love more this time around. I never actively disliked him- it was more like a passive enjoyment. Now, I can say truthfully he has two of my favorite relationships in the show, both with his friendship with Janeway and his rivalmance with Neelix.

But honestly, he’s such a good character. He so often serves the role of the straight man, either stopping Janeway from being reckless or stopping Tom and Harry from whatever nonsense they are up to at any given time. But his best moments are when he’s allowed to let loose the Vulcan restrictions- see his struggles in Gravity, when he has to let Kathryn into his head in Flashback, his slow developing relationship with Neelix, including their experience in Tuvix and later, in Riddles. 

I LOVE Tuvok’s dry humor (It appears we have lost our sex appeal, Captain), and his insistence on fufilling his duties to his captain/bestie. I would say his character doesn’t so much develop as much as it deepens, as Tuvok begins allowing more of himself to sneak out, both to us as the viewers and to other Voyager crewmates besides Kathryn. His initial relationship with Chakotay is full of bitterness and mistrust, but as I mentioned previously, I love how they get to a point where they are willing to confide in each other over their concerns for Janeway. He learns to tolerate Tom, to form a real bond with Kes while working through her telepathic powers and later Seven, the only real person on Voyager he was able to sit in silence with for hours at end, and of course he and Neelix may have the greatest unrealized romantic story on the ship. (Kidding. Maybe.)

He’s such a rich character, and the narrative never would have worked without a straight man bullying all of the Maquis into shape. As I’ve mentioned before, I do wish we’d had gotten a chance to explore more the Maquis’ feelings about him, seven years one, but Repression is all we have on that front, and I will love and cherish it for that reason. Tim Russ, thank you for both being in my childhood sitcoms AND my favorite space show<3.

Next, we have the Emergency Medical Hologram, the Doc, in some timelines ‘Joe’. I’ve always had a soft spot for the Doctor, especially back as a child. I think this rewatch forced me to look at him with new eyes- a lot more critically than I did before.

I won’t be the first to complain about Voyager’s utilization of hologram rights, or rather the lack of hologram rights. The show (and the Star Trek-verse as a whole) seem to be a precipice on this plot point- do holograms get to be individuals, or not? I find myself conflicted with what I’m supposed to get out of Star Trek: Prodigy’s use of Hologram Janeway, a character who was always at the frontline of this narrative.

The EMH is yet another character who would not have been gifted his life without Voyager getting lost in the DQ. With the death of the ship’s doctor (and seemingly any other medical or science officer with some experience) he finds himself activated continuously, acting as Voyager’s Chief Medical Officer. He’s technically prepared to take on this role, but emotionally? Not so much. Not only does the crew underestimate and undermine him, he is also, quite frankly, unbearable at times. He’s self centered, rude, and has little patience or bedside manner.

And why would he! He wasn’t designed to have those things. And Voyager wasn’t intended to be an experiment in the development of a sentient hologram! I find myself often sympathizing with Janeway in many of their arguments- he is the, for most of the show, the sole medical official on the ship, and he should be focused on keeping the crew safe. He shouldn’t be going to medical conferences or on away missions which could put him at risk! When he nearly abandoned the crew in Virtuoso for his opera career, I was reminded that while most of the Voyager crew signed up for a Starfleet career, one way or another, he did not. The EMH woke up and was forced into this existence, with no way out, and no magical AQ home awaiting him.

But the reason he came back, the reason he stayed on Voyager- was that the crew had become his family! He found in Kes both a medical apprentice and an equal in life (due to their similar ages), a romantic interest and someone to develop socially n Seven, in B’Elanna both a caretaker and at times an exasperated friend, a rival and latter friendly coworker in Tom, and in Kathryn a superior officer and later friend.

There are a number of his dynamics that I liked as a child, including wanting him and Seven together, that I do think I have mostly grown out of. One of hands down least favorite things about the show was the way the Doctor would sexualize or downright harass his female colleagues, with the show writing them off as issues with his program (see the time he kidnapped Kes) or funny jokes (the way he would fantasize about B’Elanna, Seven, and Kathryn without their permission, the worst being where he was painting Seven shirtless). I don’t find these jokes funny anymore, especially considering the narrative doesn’t punish him for hurting his colleagues, his friends, this way.

That would have to be the biggest change I’d make for his story. I found season seven interesting for him, watching him fight for his own rights and forcing the crew to step up and support him. They’d all come fairly far on this process, with Kathryn defending his right of personhood, but I don’t think it would be an easy journey for the EMH after the show ends, especially considering what had happened to androids in the ‘verse a decade or so later (per: Star Trek: Picard).  But my favorite choice the show made with the Doctor had to be Tom and B’Elanna picking the Doctor as Miral’s godfather, which validated not only the EMH’s personhood that he’d been working on for so long, but also the development of his relationships with Tom and B’Elanna!

I still think he’s a good character, honestly one of the funniest ones, and Picardo plays him so wonderfully. I love his dramatics, his endless rotating rounds of hobbies, his desire to better himself, and how he always comes back to his friends in the end.

Next, I’ll talk about Kes. She’s a character I had little connection to as a child, as the only seasons of Voyager I had access to until high school were 5 and 6! The only Kes I knew was Kes from Fury, a season 6 episode which honestly does not do her any favors. 

When I was finally able to watch the show all the way through, I do think I developed fondness for her character. It’s hard not too- she’s very sweet and caring to the other characters (even when they don’t deserve it!). However, she never grabbed me as many of the others did. 

Now that I’m older, I can see that my overwhelming discomfort comes from a lot of the way her character is constructed. She’s a one year old who looks like a grown adult, with a boyfriend who should definitely know better! The EMH endlessly sexualizes her, and while they’re one the same level, age wise, he’s her superior! He’s her boss, her friend, her teacher in the ways of medicine. Insane how this show goes from Janeway not wanting to get involved with any of her junior officers, but the men (the holomen?) can do as they like! 

I’m kidding a little, but honestly, Kes’ relationship with Neelix really sours a lot of Kes’s early development for me. It’s not until she gets out from underneath his wing that she starts to shine. I did find myself upset the show didn’t even really acknowledge it when they broke up- one throwaway line and they were done! I think a relationship that lasted 2+ seasons deserved a little more than that, if even to discuss what went wrong. However, it was great for Kes- she wasn’t limited in her choices of friends, or decisions about her own life anymore. 

It also led to more growth in her other relationships. With the growth of her powers came a deepening in her relationship with Tuvok, for insistence. I always love watching her with Janeway, as they have a very sweet dynamic which often shows some of Kathryn’s softer qualities as she acts like a mother or older sister to Kes. Even her and Tom are sweet to me (despite my P/T loyalty!)- once he gets over his crush and they really become friends. And despite my concerns about the Doctor and Kes’s personal relationship, I do love how she’s always ready to support him in his path towards being a person- their dynamic when he makes a Hologram family is a perfect example of that, or when she had to save his program from unraveling. 

Kes is misused often in the story, often ignored and underutilized, much like Harry. She has very few interactions with characters like B’Elanna or Chakotay, which I think is a weakness the show never addressed. Her and B’Elanna especially- it would have been nice for the show to develop that dynamic. When the show lets Kes shine, she does- Before and Again and The Gift are some of my favorites. She plays a very different role than the Starfleet/Maquis bunch, as one of the few who fit in neither role. She’s got nearly as many hats as Neelix- acting as the Doctor’s nurse, running the aeroponics bay, leading the way whenever the crew needs some weird mental powers. Kes is another example of the crew coming together to be a family in the DQ, and the show is lesser without her in it. I’d have loved to see her stick around, see her really come into herself, to get a chance to befriend Seven and they could trash talk the EMH all they want! 

This leads me to Neelix. My general impression of Neelix is, like Kes, colored by the order I watched the show as a child- if you only see Neelix in season 5 and 6, you see him as the show’s funny uncle. He’s running the mess hall, acting as the ship’s counselor often, teasing Tuvok- there’s very little sign of the character he was at the beginning of the show. 

When we meet Neelix in season one, he’s a selfish, cowardly trader. He’s a jack of many trades, but sincerity is not one of them. He’s easily jealous, and often pushes people away when they try to learn more about him. I found myself very unhappy with him for most of the first three seasons this time around, watching him and Kes made me very uncomfortable. One top of the age dynamics created within the show, the story just never sells me on their relationship. Why does Neelix like her? What kind of future does he see with her? The show never addresses it, and honestly, it does him a disservice. 

Neelix is at his best in the first few seasons when he gets to act as the DQ’s tour guide- telling Voyager who to avoid and who to befriend, feeding the crew leola root, and trying to act as the crew’s moral compass. This aspect of his character doesn’t really get to shine until the later seasons, which is where I love him more. 

The episode where he realizes Voyager is going further than his DQ knowledge is one of his better ones- he finally has to address his role on the ship and comes to realize it’s so much more than what he knows. He then gets to take up the Ambassador role, to play a large part in diplomatic efforts, which also helps color his character in more positive ways. 

After season three, he does get more enjoyable. His relationship with Naomi is one of my favorites, and it hurts me deeply when he leaves her for good. His friendships with Tom, Harry, and Chakotay make for some fun episodes in the later seasons. I love when he dotes on B’Elanna, giving her a shoulder to lean on and a fresh supply of banana pancakes. He and Kathryn develop a good understanding over time, her valuing him and letting him feel important, and he working hard to give her crew a place that’s a home. 

My favorite Neelix dynamic has to be Tuvok though- they are opposites in nearly every way, and I love when the show plays with them. Their dynamic is always fun, always some of the best for them both, and I will always tear up when Tuvok humors him in his last episode, and does a little funky foot dance. Mr. Vulcan and Mr. Neelix 4ever<3

And last but not least for the main crew- Seven of Nine, iow Annika Hansen. I will admit it, as a child I did not like Seven at all. It’s embarrassing to even admit this as an adult, but it’s 100% because B’Elanna didn’t like her and I felt as if she was stealing all of B’Elanna’s storylines (as Seven has a similar, yet more Borg focused, range of talents). On top of that, she ended up with Chakotay. 

I was a very bitter child. 

Once I got to watch the show all the way through the first time, I grew to like her, but time has only increased that to love. Seven is such a fun character, she’s complex and so full of depth and Jeri plays her SO WELL. I adored watching her find her way both as an individual and as a member of Voyager’s crew. So many of the Star Trek shows are full of male characters that get talked up and obsessed over, and I love that role for Voyager is filled by Seven. This time thru, I got to watch the show with the context of seeing her in Picard S1, seeing her older and at times both stronger and weaker than she was on Voyager. I think that context made me enjoy her even more. 

I adore watching her explore her humanity, for good or for ill- watching her try out social situations on the holodeck (more on this soon), watching her play her little sports games with Janeway, singing and dancing lessons with the Doctor, playing games with Neelix and Naomi, actively teasing Harry over his crush, bonding with B’Elanna…. I could watch her just walk around Voyager for several episodes in a row and still enjoy it! 

I love that she had so much substantive character development. Each season of Seven feels different and fresh, and Jeri played them all so well, especially considering how limited her emotional reactions and facial expressions were! She was one of the only actors in this show that I never rolled my eyes at a line delivery or over the top character choice. (Not looking at Garret Wang and Robert Beltran….) The show is different the very moment she shows up, and it is a transition that is better for both the story, but for all of the characters who get to interact with her.

Seven’s relationships with the crew are all fun- Her and Janeway really define both the show and specifically, season 4. Season 4 is fascinating to me because clearly the writers are trying to make up for lost time with Seven by giving her a huge amount of character centrics to get her up to place with the others (helped of course, that one of the other two female mains was pregnant for the later half of the season!). But this really allowed Seven and Janeway the chance to grow, from reluctant allies to coworkers to friends. I have such a soft spot for their relationship, and a full respect for people who like them romantically, even though I still see their relationship through the eyes of the child I used to be who thought of Janeway as the crew’s mom. LOL 

Beyond Kathryn, we have the EMH, who as I mentioned before, definitely crossed many lines with Seven. He was her social instructor that accidentally fell head over heels for his star pupil. I respect that he never tried anything that Seven didn’t want outside the privacy of his own mind/holodreams, but I still find it hard to watch. As a child, I wanted them together, but I don’t think the show ever had enough respect for the EMH to let that play out, or enough sensitivity to handle the relationship they had growing into something more. Nevertheless, I still adore their episodes/scenes and can’t find it in my heart to loathe them as a pairing. 

Seven’s other relationships are less deep, with a casual friendship with Tom and Neelix, a mutual respect with Tuvok, and a classic will they/won’t they with Harry that develops into her gently bullying him (how I adore it!!!). Her relationship with B’Elanna is more complex, with both of them very immature and unsure of themselves when they first meet. As they both carve out their own niche, they find a way to work together. Some of my favorite scenes are between them both, especially later in the show. I want more!!! 

But As with all of these characters, there are things I don’t like with Seven. Starting with her catsuits, which drive me nuts! Let her wear a normal uniform! (Off topic, but Neelix should have started to wear one too, especially after he got more interested in serving in Security…). It’s so much like Deanna Trio in TNG and it’s. Gross. I know the show justifies it by saying “She’s not a member of Starfleet”. It’s just an excuse to sexualize her. (As a person attracted to women… it works. As a feminist? I’m mad.) This is on top of the constant sexualization she gets- the Doctor painting her topless in his dream, Q2 stripping her naked and she doesn’t even react. It’s gross! I hate it! Wish I had a time machine to bonk some horny jerks on the head. 

I also think the show’s weird with her when it comes to romantic relationships. Her dynamics with Harry and the EMH are both odd in their own way, but they both started very early in Seven’s inclusion on the show. A development with either of them could have helped to highlight how much Seven has grown. Instead, the show hooks her up first with a Borg dream man who she finds and then loses again, and then Chakotay. The Borg dream man seemed to exist to be like- see! Seven always had a soft pretty human lady in her that just wants to be loved and protected by a man! Which is annoying enough on it’s own if it didn’t develop into her tryst with Chakotay, who she only had two different solo conversations with before season 7! One in the episode where she discovers the idea of a religious ideal (The Omega Directive) and one where he teaches her that history’s important (One Small Step). I know because I tracked it this time! 

My dislike for C/7 is related to my dislike for Seven playing with holograms of the crew to explore social situations. I don’t like it when the EMH does it, and I hate it more that he both encourages Seven to do it, and there are never any real consequences for either of them. It’s invasive, it’s unfair to their colleagues, and using it in season seven is silly! Seven’s come so far! Why would she regress like this! C/7 almost feels less annoying than this. 

In my ideal ending, Seven has to face consequences for the hologram Chakotay date, and she and the EMH bond over still feeling like outsiders. Maybe they try a fling. The EMH’s unnecessary love confession in Renaissance Man can finally make sense! They can still break up, I don’t mind, but it would have felt less out of the blue. But nooo, someone wanted to kiss Jeri, so what’s the importance of character development? 

Despite it ALL. I love her. Seven’s a great character despite the men who created her, and sometimes, that’s enough. 

Conclusion

That last line really works for the entire show- it’s a great show, despite the best efforts by some involved to make it less so. It’s probably my favorite show, both out of ST and just generally. I find it fun to watch and engaging. Some of the episodes are even excellent! I won’t share my tier list, but just imagine the *S* tier is all of B’Elanna best episodes and the actually good ones from the rest of the cast. 

I love this show, and despite this long term goal I have of watching all of the Star Treks (starting with TNG!), I find it hard to think any of them will impact me the way this one has.

[yoonglestummy]

[ Trigger Warning: Mentioning of $ui€id3 and dr*g abu$3 ]

After Jin had dried his tears and released Yoongi from his grasp, he reached over and shifted the car into gear and sped away. The house grew smaller and smaller as the two drove away, the tension between the two hung heavy in the air, like heavy fog.

Everyone was up early that morning, some being awake for more than seventy two hours, but who cares really? It had been a rather emotional month for everyone, but what was going on in that car, the racing thoughts that flood their minds, so many emotions that could flow out at once, was silent. The occasional tick from the ac kicking on and the stack of the radio only made things in the car even more unbearable.

It was going to be a long car ride home, that’s for sure, but Jin couldn’t find it in himself to grow angry with Yoongi. Instead, Jin felt relief that he was in his car, Yoongi buckled beside him, his body slumped against the window as he softly snored, finally falling asleep after everything. Yoongi was safe in his car, drugs left back in Daegu, with the past and opening a new chapter for them.

——————

3:18.

The white numbers on the radio showed the incorrect time.

Everything was wrong though. The car felt foreign to Jin, like it was his first time sitting behind the wheel of his own car. It was warmer too, like the temperature had changed slightly, not enough to sweat but enough to be noticeable and uncomfortable. The atmosphere changed, like something ungodly had been unlocked and Jin knew he wasn’t ready for what was about to happen.

“Hey, hyung?” He glanced over at Yoongi. He must have just woken up when he parked the car in Yoongi’s garage, the sudden change in lighting must’ve stirred him awake. He was hoping he could text everyone about Yoongi being home and safe, but with Yoongi’s body language and the trembling of his bottom lip, he knew this was something Jin and only Jin should witness.

It had started before Jin could even open his mouth. Dozens of tears trickled down Yoongi’s cheeks, his body shaking, his hands grasped at his arms, his body curing in on itself. The scream that left Yoongi’s throat, the pain, sadness, anger, everything Yoongi felt was in that scream. There were tears, there was spit, and there was even snot; this was a breakdown Yoongi pushed away until it became too much.

“I fucking hate him. I hate him. I hate that he makes me feel like this. I want to fucking hate him but the moment someone else even looks at him I was to fucking scream,” Yoongi cried as he wiped his face with his hoodie sleeve. “Why can’t I just be fucking normal and not be like this? I fucking love him. I’m fucking in love with Park Jimin and he loves me, but I’m just going to ruin him like I do with everyone else. He didn’t deserve me throwing him out like that, I hope he fucking hates me so this pain can just go away.”

Yoongi sniffled and hiccuped as he wiped his eyes with his shirt, his hands shaking and breath uneven, his silent cries will haunt Jin for the rest of his life. This- this is what mental illness looks like, the reality of how severe mental illness messes with people who suffer with it. This wasn’t just sadness, this was child Yoongi’s sanity breaking before coming back to reality. Terrified, exhausted, broken, a child who fought against the world at a young age.

The rest of the night went by in a blur. From that night Jin only remembers a few things really. He remembered Hoseok’s sobs as he held Yoongi, his uncontrollable sobs drowned out any words that fell from Hoseok’s trembling lips. He remembers the movie they watched, a movie Sangwoo suggested that would lighten the mood. He remembers Namjoon snuggled up to him, the smell of weed thick in the air, the sandalwood incense burning red, the two smells mixing into a strange but pleasant smell.

One thing stuck with Jin though. Yoongi’s pained scream hours before rang in his ears, the scene burned in his mind. He couldn’t sleep that night, not even with Namjoon to his left and Yoongi to his right, both sleeping next to him on the floor. He glanced at the two of them, his eyes glossing over with fresh tears but he blinked them back and sighed. Jin will deal with the three youngest tomorrow, update them on Yoongi and how everything went.

He fell asleep holding Yoongi’s hand late that night, hours after everyone had fallen asleep.

———

Sad Boys With Cigarettes

Jimin never liked that Suga guy, the one who hides his identity behind his phone, the one who has songs he produced at #1 on the charts. It wasn’t because he was good at what he does, it’s because he has rejected Jimin how many times, either in DM’s or on Twitter, Jimin still wasn’t a fan. Determined to get what he wants, Jimin finds himself digging deep into Suga’s life only to come out empty handed. Jimin just want to make a song with the producer who raps like a god, is that too much to ask for?

( @donttelltheelff @aloneinherroom @hierarchyfneeds @niallsarmveinstho @pleasegivemearemedyyy @mirageofcapricorn )

🚬27/?

[hargrove-mayfields]

Day one of the Horror on Cherry Lane Challenge! I’ll be participating this month as a writer! The prompt for today is Knife!

warnings for mentions of suicidal ideation and attempts, death, child abuse, and blood.

Billy met Steve in the psych ward.

Well, they met officially at Tina’s party, but that wasn’t the real Steve. That was the King Steve. Deeper than that though, even the Steve Harrington everyone else saw even after the breakup and the fall from grace still wasn’t the real thing.

That was fake smiles, overdone nonchalance to cover up the wound from his fallen status. Now he was stripped down to himself, all bloody bandages and tired eyes, the boy he was pretending to be finally broken down to reveal this.

Apparently, Ruthie Harrington found her son with his grandfather's switchblade- all the other objects in the house sharper than a spoon and with less sentimental value had already been tossed -bleeding all over her freshly polished linoleum floors. She dropped him off at the hospital a night ago and nobody’s been by to see him since.

Now, it’s by pure coincidence that Billy’s already in on the same day Steve’s admitted.

He’s been locked up the past three days compared to Steve’s one. These small town hicks are jumpier (ha) than he thought, and don’t think doing the walk and turn test on the edge of the quarry after downing a bottle and a half of fireball is as funny as he does. Whatever. Cid would’ve thought that was badass as hell.

So he was admitted, on suicide watch for a stupid joke that wasn’t really worth it, or even really a joke. Max came to visit once. She punched him in the chest as hard as she could and cursed him out for an hour. She’d never done that before. By the time she left they were both in tears, and maybe Billy realized a thing or too about his carelessness. Realized for the first time that someone cared.

But he’s still in here for another week and a half by law, so. He’s not going to mope about it. And while Steve Harrington showing up is about the last thing he’s expecting, he decides that’s at least something he can work with. Definitely brings a little life to the place.

He waits until Steve’s intense watch period is over to bug him, once they’re out of their cramped little rooms for a couple of hours to “socialize” (see, the more sound of mind keep an eye on the other patients while the nurses take their smoke breaks) Billy goes straight to Steve. Him and Harrington are far from friends, but that’s pretty much irrelevant when the only other choices for company are kids younger than them too scared to approach them and people too deep in their midlife crises to bother with teenage drama.

Throwing himself down in the blue plastic chair across from where Steve settled in, Billy kicks his feet up on the table,, “What’s up Harrington? Didn’t expect to see a familiar face in here.”

But Steve, poor Steve, takes one look at Billy with those haunted brown eyes, and his face just falls completely apart. There are tears on his way too pale cheeks before Billy even has a chance to breathe.

The smile drops off of Billy’s face, “Jesus Harrington, I know m’not looking my best surviving on hospital food and cigarettes without a hairbrush, but that’s a little unwarranted.”

“Shut up. Not everything’s about you, Hargrove.”

“Oh I disagree with that. But I get the point. I’ll let ya be.” Billy hums, scooting his chair back and getting up. He stops when Steve starts to speak, “Y-You outta be careful saying that kinda stuff in here.”

“What?”

“That the world revolves around you. They’ll come up with a diagnosis for that and keep you here forever. Drug you ‘til you forget your own name, let alone your status.” Steve tells him with humor, wiping the tears off his face.

Billy nods in understanding, sits back down with an interested smirk, “This ain’t your first time here, is it?”

“Is it yours?”

“Nah. I’ve done some shit on purpose, some on accident. Once it wasn’t even me. But s’never done anything to help so far.”

Steve puffs out a sigh, “Don’t I know it.. I’ve been in and outta this place since I was like, ten. Clearly nothing’s changed.”

“Why? What’s your dirty little secret, Harrington?”

“I cut myself, dumbass.” He deadpans, looking at Billy with a bluntness in his expression that reads more concerning, more like indifference to what he just said than matter-of-fact.

“No shit. But that ain’t the secret.” Billy probes further, can tell he’s getting under that mask Steve wears, “Why do you do it?”

“Legally, I can't tell you. And I don’t think I would anyways.”

“What about if I tell you all about me first? I got no reservations ‘cept the one that got me a bed here.”

“It’s not a hotel, Hargrove.”

“Eh, might as well be. Feels like the damn hotel California.”

“Is that why?”

“Huh? Oh no, I been pullin’ stunts like this long before we left Cali.”

“Like what?”

“Like downing two full bottles of my mother’s meds after she left. Not at the same time obviously, or I wouldn’t be here. Mostly ‘cause my dad didn’t even wanna take me to the hospital either time.” Billy doesn’t look at Steve while he elaborates. Not because he cares, he’s an open book, if a random old woman at the grocery store asked about his last attempt, he’d tell her.

But. He doesn’t like watching people’s faces. Seeing sympathy and concern there. It makes him feel all stupid and guilty. It’s usually not like that with other kids like him, but Steve’s different. He’s got a big heart. Even if there’s no room for himself.

And Billy hurt Steve before. He doesn’t want to see someone he caused pain caring so much about him. He already cracked when Max came to see him. This could be what splits him open, spills out all the things he’s covered up.

So he keeps going, “And like runnin’ out in front of traffic with my friends. They thought we were just playin’ chicken ‘til I stopped dead in front of a station wagon. Metal rims’d done me in for sure if one ‘a the older boys hadn’t pulled me outta the way. Damn near ripped my shirt in half how fast he grabbed me.”

“I’m guessing your parents are the reason why then?”

“Yessir.” Billy deflects, not good at getting deeper into it, “You wanna tell me yours then?”

“I started cutting because Tommy Hagan told me about it. He thought it was freaky, but when he ran his mouth about how they found the neighbor kid in his room, drained of all his blood from his wrists, I wanted to try it. I’ve tried liquor and drugs and all kinds ‘a shit I shouldn’t, but nothin’ stuck like cutting.” Steve pauses for a long time, his eyes going blank, staring right past Billy, “When my mom found out she.. she.. Forget it.”

“Hey, you seen my skeletons. Can’t I see yours?”

“No. I don’t wanna fucking talk about it anymore.” Steve answers, despite his assuredness, his tone wobbling with some unidentifiable emotion.

Talk about mood swings. Billy doesn’t get how nobody would’ve noticed something was up before Steve started carving into himself. Really, he knows someone would have seen it and just ignored it.

It only gets worse though, the reservedness turning to sadness and frustration. None of the words are coming out, but he can tell Steve’s thinking of the stories, reliving all that got him to the here and now. Billy can also tell there’s nothing he can do no to stop him from doomsdaying.

So when Steve is inevitably in the thralls of a panic attack, he tries to hug him tight, to try to get it to stop maybe, that always worked for him at least, but Steve swats him away. Judging from the way he winces, it’s not easy for him to do either, with those thick ass bandages constricting his wrists, but the tears and the pain on his face are buried behind his resolution.

He’s hiding something from Billy.

In hindsight, talking to a new patient about past attempts probably wasn’t his brightest idea anyways, so he switches the subject while Steve works on coming down from his panic attack. He brings up Max and her little nerds, trying to bridge the healthier connections between him and Steve that they’d both been ignoring since the fight. He mentions basketball too, another something they have in common other than trying to kill themselves.

It doesn’t really work, though Steve does stop shaking as bad, just curling up in his little chair and sniffling, pretending not to listen while Billy rambles on and on. But he doesn’t talk. It’s probably better for him not to anyway. Billy himself has been known to say some dumb shit when he’s in distress.

Ultimately, even once the conversation runs out, he stays with Steve until dark. He can tell from the way his gaze sticks to the floor that Steve recovered from his fit a while ago, but he’s embarrassed by having a breakdown in front of him, as if he isn’t in here for the same reason. It helps that he gets it though, and they sit in a comfortable, albeit very prolonged, silence.

Long after Steve gets xanned up and knocked out though, while Billy is still free to wander until the midnight curfew as a low risk patient, he decides to stick with him in his room. Billy’ll never admit it, but he gets nightmares, and he doesn’t want to face that just yet, so with a new friend as an excuse, he’s up half the night watching Steve sleep.

He remembers what happened earlier, how focused Steve was on keeping him away from him, despite his panic, and decides, with a glance at how deeply Steve is sleeping, his greasy hair all strewn about on stiff pillows, that he’s going to figure out what it was.

He snoops around in his bedside drawers, in the bathroom, in the locker in the corner. It’s there he notices the knitted jacket Steve was wearing before, hanging heavy to one side, like there’s something in its pocket. He touches it and feels the outline of something small, so he pulls it out.

He regrets checking though, because it’s a knife. Judging from the old looking engravings on its handle, and the coppery stains within the grooves, it’s specifically the very same one that got Steve hospitalized.

He shoves it in his own back pocket and keeps looking, with a quick glance at Steve, finding a note tucked where the knife had been. Written in perfect scrawl on bond paper that’s been folded a dozen times and stained with tears,

“Do it right next time, why don’t you? Your mother is too soft on you. I’m not paying for this again.

- J.Harrington.”

Billy doesn’t know what to do but throw the note in the trash. Not really in shock, but definitely more than a little fucked up from reading that, he sits on the end of Steve’s bed. His own dad, who'd more than once been the one putting him in the hospital, had never even said anything like that to him.

He didn’t get to talk to Steve much today, but they’ve got as long as Billy’s stuck in here together to fix that. Longer if he just pulls something in front of a nurse. And he wants to, really really wants to.

Because he knows he just met the real Steve, can recognize another broken boy when he sees one, and he knows too, that he never wants to meet a pretty boy like this again.

And if that’s his declaration to get clean, then so fucking be it.

But. He never promised not to hurt anyone. Ultimately he’d still need that outlet.

He keeps the knife. To make sure his pretty boy doesn’t get hurt again.