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mha-adore · 4 years

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hey! ty sm for doing the matchup exchange with me, i look forward to writing your match! i’m rita and i go by she/her pronouns. i have a preference for men & i’m 16. my quirk would be similar to shinso & inumaki from jjk,, i can control ppl and animals just by saying a command,,, an indicator for when i’m using my quirk would be my eyes changing color & a side effect to using my quirk would be getting light headed.

i’m a libra sun, aquarius moon, & leo rising. a slytherin & intj-t. i’m v polite and reserved when you first meet me. i’m pretty introverted and i have anxiety. it takes me while to open up since it takes me a while to trust ppl. i do tend to get annoyed and angry by others easily,, i’m a bit of a hot head. i’m pretty chill and like joking around once i open up,, i can also be kinda dumb. i’m a bit of a loner and i don’t have many friends. i’m actually a bit of an emotional person but only when it comes to shows, movies, books, etc,, i tend to keep my emotions bottled up. i’m self conscious and self critical. i care a lot about having perfect grades and getting into a good university but i’m so lazy (lots of breaks & procrastination) at the same time,, i end up getting everything done on time though. i’m impatient when it comes to my own things so i like doing things my way bc i feel more comfortable that way. i also like keeping things neat. i’ve also been told i have a resting sad face & that i’m intimidating. i wear a lot of black and i’d describe my style as dark academia mixed with 70s-90s fashion. when i’m at home i just wear comfortable clothing like pajama pants and a t-shirt.

my likes/hobbies/interests are baking, playing the sims, writing, and playing board games with ppl i’m close to. i also like relaxing in bed and spending time with people i’m close to and having fun. i’m interested in psychology, true crime, & history. i don’t like arrogant & closed minded people. i look for a partner who is loyal, kind, & open-minded. my love languages are gifts and quality time (both ways).

i hope this isn’t too much,, ty again! <3

Hey friend, it's my pleasure! Thanks sm for offering 💖

Can I just say super quick that your quirk is really cool? You could command an army of bears, raccoons or fire ants. I would be terrified. Also I'm an Aquarius moon and INTJ too, air moons gotta stay together. I totally got a Libra vibe off you when you first messaged me and you're super sweet 🎀 also I totally get you on the anxiety part, I have anxiety too. I know how terrifying it can be to reach out to new people so please know I'm proud of you for taking the chance to reach out to me 😊 and it's never too much; the more detail the better!

I match you with Shoto!

Say hi to the walking AC and heater unit. A couple reasons I picked him is because you mentioned having anxiety and being hot headed. With his father being, well, himself and his mother being the anxious person she is, Shoto understands both sides of the coin very well and knows how to deal with both parts. He can balance being calm and stern at the same time and he has the patience of a saint. He would give you the time and space you need to grow comfortable around new people and surroundings, as well he would be able to keep you grounded when your temper gets the best of you. He mellows you out. My personal headcanon is that he's a Capricorn sun, Scorpio moon, Virgo rising, Ravenclaw and INFP.

He returns your jokes with dry humor. He can keep a dead serious face while making the stupidest jokes too. He could look you dead in the eye, face straight, and rip a monster fart and not giggle just to see your reaction. Honestly the image of him holding eye contact while aggressively farting is funny in my head. I know I have the humor of a 9 year old.

He isn't bothered by you not having many friends. He's a private person and doesn't want a lot of people up in his business. He prefers few close friends over many distant friends. He knows you aren't stupid and pays no attention to anything you say that may sound dumb. He's heard so much dumb shit he learned to filter it from his brain.

He understands that you're closed off on your emotions. He really can't blame you, he's quite the same. If you get a little teary eyed over a book or movie he'll let you talk it out and cry if you'd like, but he won't push you to be uncomfortably open to him. He values your happiness over his own and doesn't mind you keeping your feelings to yourself. He respects your privacy. Regardless of what you may feel conscious or critical of about yourself he's there to remind you that you're perfect. You're healthy, you're strong and you're doing the best you can. No one could ask any more from you. He's lived a majority of his life feeling outcasted and ignored because of his scar and wouldn't wish the same on anyone, so if there's any part of you that you feel bad about he's always reminding you that you have no imperfections, everything about you makes you one of a kind. You're irreplicable.

He isn't worried about you procrastinating on studying or homework. As long as you get it done and do well enough he isn't concerned. If you ever have difficulty with a subject he's happy to help you study and learn. If you want he can ask Momo to join for a study party if you want the extra help or company. He just wants to see you succeed and get into the college of your cotton candy dreams. Oh and don't worry about your tuition, he has it covered. Don't even mention it to him it'll already be paid off, including books and living arrangements. He only wants you to pay him back by doing your best in school and showing him you can handle the hard work.

He always has a suggestion on ways you can do things but he knows you prefer to do them by yourself, so he'll neber bombard you with his ideas. If you ask for his input he has plenty to give but otherwise he gives you the room to make your own moves. He's a neat freak himself and is always happy to help you keep your room clean and well put together. He has good room decor ideas too if you want to spruce up your room.

He really doesn't see you as intimidating. He sees a confident, independent and strong young woman who can hold her own. He occasionally wonders if you're really sad or if that's just your expression and he'll occasionally ask. He's only making sure you're okay. If you're sad he's on it with a cute or funny movie, some snacks, a shoulder to cry on and a whole night's worth of stuff to talk about.

He likes your sense of fashion, he enjoys darker and warmer colors. He lives for the 80s aesthetic and loves to see you mix the two so effortlessly. He can, wants to and will give you his t shirts to wear at home. He'll also loan you hoodies and sweaters. He won't outright buy you a hoodie, he'll buy one for himself and let you get away with stealing it from him.

He's so soft for home made cookies and would love for you to make him some. Home made dinners are also great. He would love to help you bake and would enjoy baking dates. He'll also watch shows like Hell's Kitchen with you. He isn't exactly a huge gamer but he likes simulation games and RPGs like Sims, Animal Crossing, Pokemon, Harvest Moon etc. He'll binge these games with you all day and night. Your Sims have to get married to each other it's the law. He enjoys reading what you write - what you don't mind sharing of course. He won't go peeking in your personal writing, he knows it isn't his place. Concerning what you do share he'll read it with great interest and share his thoughts and any ideas he has. He would really enjoy writing something with you, like a short story or a comic. He loves how you convey your writing and would be honored to take part in it. His favorite board game is Candy Land, a close second being Monopoly, followed by Scrabble. He pulls out a big ass dictionary during Scrabble just to prove to people that he knows his vocabulary. He loves you dearly but all bets are off during Monopoly, it's a dog eat dog world and he isn't bailing you out of jail. He will, however, offer you real money in turn for properties in the game. No that isn't cheating the rules say nothing about it. He has no problem with a lazy day in bed though and wouldn't mind just dozing or watching shows together. Any time spent with you is time spent well. You two could watch paint dry together and he would have a blast. He'll buy the paint.

With his personal involvment in hero work he has lots of info on true crime cases and can share stories and books with you. He has everything from small robberies to Ted Bundy and beyond. If you have a question about a true crime case he has an answer. As for psychology I imagine he would study it himself, perhaps as a secondary career or freelance hobby. He'll examine characters from books and movies with you and run his own behavioral analysis unit from his bedroom. The FBI doesn't hold a candle to him. He can, will and already has tracked down your enemies and he has their addresses. With his father being the new number one hero he essentially has the force of the law in his hands and if need be, he will use it. He won't do anything unjust unless your safety is in jeopardy but he won't hesitate to bring someone down. As for history he has plenty of books ranging from founding of countries to wars, to major technological advancements to the invention of toilet paper. He knows some very niche history facts. If you need to impress a teacher with knowledge on history he has you covered. He'll make the teacher quit their job in shame.

Shoto is absolutely loyal to the end, open minded and kind to a fault. He understands how it's like to be ignored, misunderstood and bullied and he won't treat anyone else that way. Regardless of his opinion on someone he still gives them respect and kindness. He doesn't care how rude or petty someone acts, they're still a human and deserve to be treated as such.

He goes out of his way to buy you special gifts, he values personal meaning over monetary value. Between a basic cheap necklace and an expensive bracelet of your favorite gemstone and color, you bet he's going for the bracelet. The cost isn't important to him, he just wants to see your face light up when you open the gift. As for gifts from you he doesn't care about how much you spent, he just wants something from the heart. You could give him an origami swan that cost you nothing to make and he would treasure it like a rare antique. As for quality time, he always enjoys a good movie, board game, cuddle session or just a nap. Like I mentioned before, any time spent together is time spent well.

I hope you enjoyed this friend!! 🥀 I'll be sending my part your way soon, thanks again for the offer! I had a lot of fun with this one 😘

#iidastiddies #mha x reader #bnha x reader #matchup #mha matchup #bnha matchup #matchup exchange #shoto #todoroki #shoto todoroki #todoroki shoto #todoroki x reader #shoto x reader #shoto todoroki x reader #todoroki shoto x reader

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soyouareandrewdobson · 4 years

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Alex ze Pirate “Mini Review” 1: About Male Abuse

Alex ze Pirate is in my opinion the WORST “comic” series Dobson has ever written up until this point (date for archives: June 2020). Sure, I agree with people that his “hot take” comics on Star Wars Fans, political issues and virtue signaling for the sake of making brownie points are worse overall cause they are uneducated propaganda that give insight in how much of a loathsome human being driven by spite he genuinely is, but Alex “offends” me as someone who enjoys fiction. It may not be the worst thing ever written, but it just does so many things wrong in terms of storywriting, storytelling, presentation and creating fictional characters, I can’t help but wonder what went wrong that Dobson even remotely thought this thing would be a “successful” comic series to establish him as a creator. Cause I can tell you, having read the likes of Don Rosa’s work on Disney, Hilda, Cleopatra in Space, Spirou, Asterix, One Piece (of which I will talk a lot in my next few posts) and many more, I can confirm by comparison that Dobson’s pirates as a published comic would have only one use on the public shelves: alternative for toilet paper during the COVID-19 epidemic

Believe me, I would love to write an in depth analysis of everything wrong with Alex ze Pirate, from the lazy artwork up to even the publication history of this trainwrack. But doing so would take a lot of time and there is one individual part of this I think deserve at least extra attention. Something that in my opinion embodies quite well a lot of things I consider wrong with this comic. So before I am going over Alex in its entirety (and believe me, the day will come) let me just talk within the next few posts about one certain aspect and story of the comic, that genuinely got me to loath this comic to the core: Sam the Cabin Boy and “his” own individual story Dobson drew in three parts around 2010.

For starters, lets talk who Sam is: Sam is one of the main characters in the comic and actually the first person who joined Alex and Peggy in the initial pages of Legends, the “original” form of Alex ze Pirate.

See, back in 2004, Dobson released Alex ze Pirate in form of a single comic volume called “Legends” which features Alex trying to recruit a crew. The thing is around 78 pages thick and based on what I saw pretty terribly paced. For comparison: When Luffy in One Piece got his crew together, he spend multiple volumes and at least three minor story arcs to get Zoro, Nami, Sanji and Usopp to join him. All while also giving us good insight into the kind of people his new crewmates were (especially Sanji’s and Nami’s backstory got to me), defeating the likes of Buggy and Captain Black, meeting Dracula Mihawk and defeating one of the biggest bastards Eichiro Oda ever created in form of Arlong. What is the story how Sam joins the crew? An orphanage organizes an auction and sells kids off. Which I assume was even illegal in pirate times, so kudos for already showing us how despicable the world of Alex ze Pirate is to begin with and how much it deserves to be nuked in some sort of alien invasion.

Sam also doesn’t really get anything to do when he is introduced, just helping Alex escape on a small boat. Which is weird because he does not know her at all, she is just some stranger who bought him off and has no means to keep him in check, so why even bother following her and not let the mob get rid of Alex?

Anyway, I wish I could tell more about Sam’s involvement in Legends, but I don’t have really more than some scans of it in the beginning and near the end. So I don’t know his involvement in the rest of the volume. I also can’t say how he plays out in volume two, because that does not exist at all. Cause for reasons I will never understand, Dobson just abandoned the idea of telling a “coherent” and ongoing story with Alex ze Pirate and instead went to his colored one page comics/strips with it, turning it into what some people called “Garfield with Pirates” (which I consider a genuine insult towards any newspaper comic out there, even something as Boondocks). And the first thing we see of Sam in “classic” Alex ze Pirate?

The perverted dwarf of the crew showing of his shota underwear so that Alex and Sam stop bickering who is the cutest, leaving him embarrassed and humiliated.

Which kinda sums up his role in the comic to a t. Cause this is what Sam is: He is the buttmonkey of the crew. And honestly, I would not have a total problem with Sam being a buttmonkey, if a) he wasn’t it all the time, b) he would actually do something to deserve any form of humiliation and c) if the other characters in this comic itself would not be some of the biggest assholes I have ever seen, who get away with abusing the poor lad.

See, here is the problem: In a crew featuring a choleric homophobic soulless ginger

A black rat person who wants to fuck the ginger even without her consent

A furry abomination that has the same brain wavelengths as Chris Chan

And a perverted dwarf who tries to impersonate Happosai from Ranma 1/2

Sam is the only decent person in the entire crew. He works hard, he even questions the morality of his friends at times, he is honest, he is not perverted, almost good to the point of childish innocence and he has a very humble “goal” which is he wants to own his own piece of gold. Not even a big pile of treasure, just one single coin would be enough for him.

So he is likeable and relatable. In fact, if anything goes by, he may have been one of the most popular ones in the comic. And yet he is the one who gets constantly abused by “fate” and his friends, because as Dobson would say it, he is supposed to be the buttmonkey. There is just one problem: People do not necessarily like buttmonkeys.

I can primarily speak only for myself here, but I hope what I have to say resonates with others too. See, I get it: A character who is the butt of a joke can be fun. Like Daffy in Duck Amuck. But there is a fine line where a character being humiliated for the sake of a joke is fun (and perhaps even deserved because of his own shortcomings or deeds/actions that make the humiliation sort of kharmic, like lets say Johnny Bravo) and a character being humiliated to the point it feels disproportional, unfunny and mean spirited if not outright sadistic, can be crossed. Take Meg Griffin from Family Guy for example whose only “purpose” for existing within the last 12+ years is to get shat on by her family and the writers. People have no idea for a plot with her, so what do they do? Have her father physically and emotionally abuse her, fart in her face for what is supposed to count as a joke and then add additional insult to it by acknowledging that they are only doing this, because they have no other idea for her and think abuse is fun. Let me just tell you from experience, it is not.

And that is essentially what Sam is: He is the Meg Griffin of Alex ze Pirate, used by his creator as the butt of very unfunny jokes, even if he does not deserve any of the things said or done to him. Want to see some examples?

How about the description Dobson gives Sam within the introduction of one of his volumes, showing how little Dobson as the creator even cares for him.

Why is he called an unworthy “slob” if he is the only one who actually works? Shouldn’t a slob be someone like Dobson, who can’t even take care of himself anymore? Also the confirmation that he was kidnapped at the age of 16. And as we have no clarification how much time passed between Legends Vol. 1 and anything afterwards, that means that in a way Alex is a child abuser.

And now, here some examples by the rest of the cast. Like Uncle Peggy framing him for all sorts of his perverted actions and even trying to kill him for no apparent reason?

Alex trying to kill him with chicken pox…

…Destroying all his worldly posessions which is hilarious because he is a poor orphan…

…Essentially describing him as worthless because he was born with an Y-chromosome…

… doing the kind of thing Dobson claims women would never do to man, using their sex appeal to hurt them…

…forcing him to do some unnecessary and rather petty work for her in a physics defying manner (seriously, the way he holds the axe does not compute with how he swings it. Try it out yourself)

… stealing his food and just being a cruel sadistic cunt to him just because it is fun.

Which is “funny” in so far as that there are a few comics indicating she would jump his dick and ride it like a little pony if she could.

By the way, Talus and Atea are not better. None of them calls Alex out on her bullshit on average, Atea uses Sam to trigger traps in one story arc…

And Talus, the closest to a “friend” he is supposed to have, once for no apparent reason made him dig through his litterbox

And don’t get me even started when the characters decide to gang up on Sam, to the point he gets sexually harassedor is called to be less worth as a human being than the dirt you find in your belly button

Fuck’s sake, even in fanart everyone gangs up on him, even the freaking big bad of the story everyone is supposed to hate or be afraid of

Bottom line, Sam is an abuse victim played for laughs in this comics. And just to clarify, I do not think this was Dobson’s intention. But if the character is undeservingly the butt of jokes for the majority of over 120 strips, it turns nasty. The way Sam is treated, I just find disgusting and indictive of just how unlikable any other character in this comic is to the point I do not want to see this being turned into a proper “franchise”. And I assume others were disgusted by it too, cause Dobson eventually decided to make a story more or less addressing the treatment Sam receives, while also attempting to prove that deep down the assholes with starring roles in this trainwrack care for him. How did this play out? Well, I am going to talk about it, so likely not well. If you want to see the details, grab yourself some popcorn and take a toilet break before we tackle part 2 of this thing.

#andrew dobson #so you are a cartoonist #sjw #comics #comic #webcomic #alex ze pirate #sam the cabin boy #legends #tom preston #disgusting #male abuse #unfunny

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gronjon44 · 4 years

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My thoughts on WONDER WOMAN:1984

⚠️⚠️⚠️SPOILERS⚠️⚠️⚠️

I wanna like this movie, and there are parts of this film that I genuinely do like.

There are some funny moments and I like some if not most of the themes.

And I want to be as critical and non political as possible with this analysis as possible.

But, speaking not as a Center Republican and as an average movie goer,

The political refferences in this just ruin the film for me, on top of other issues.

Max Lord is too blatant a Trump reference, the big business persona aside; I read an article by NBC News (I'll link it at the end) says the director used Trump as "one inspiration for the character".

Yeah no, that wasnt one reference that was all reference I looked up Max Lord in the comics and frankly it looks like Trump was the only reference the director used.

The article goes into detail about how the director steps around Trumps more controversial policies and essentially whitewashed Trump with Lords character which, i can see what they mean when they say that.

I won't get into all the details, as I don't agree with everything in the article but you can read for it yourself at the end.

Now getting past the Trump refferences and whatnot I'd like to say that most parts of this movie are actually really enjoyable.

Diana Prince/Gal Gadot are a joy to watch as always, Barbra was a joy to watch as a villain, Steve Trevor was fun to see and ⚠️⚠️⚠️SPOILER⚠️⚠️⚠️the invisible jet was a fun twist that I was genuinely surprised to see.

But some complaints I have involve the ending, a few in-between bits, and some minor details that just stuck with me.

So again, ⚠️⚠️⚠️SPOILER⚠️⚠️⚠️ for anyone who hasn't seen it yet.

The ending was very mcguffined and frankly, kinda cheap.

I get that, yes, the point of the end was to show Max Lord what he was doing was truly wrong and to have him undo the wishes that followed his bad decisions, I get that.

But for there to be no real consequences for what he did? And that he gets to run free and return to his son without being reprimanded for what he did (outside of a few minor ass beatings) It feels cheap and unsatisfying, at least in my opinion.

Something that the article brought up (that I disagree with frankly) is that film ⚠️⚠️SPOILERS⚠️⚠️ treats Barbras choice to become more like Diana as a bad thing then a good thing, saying that Wonder Woman is meant to show Woman that they can be like her, and that some woman do want to be like her. They go one to say that (quote) "Instead of congratulating Barbara, the movie presents her as a warning. Gaining power and beauty makes her cruel and violent and selfish — a villain, not a hero. It's like the film has included its own cranky superhero-film hater to tell fans they're doing it wrong." (end quote)

Now, heavy spoiler talk incoming so be warned.

The stone acts like the monkeys paw, where in when you wish for something, you get it but at the cost of losing something (i.e if I wish for a million dollars, but when I get the million dollars I lose my house and prized possessions)

Now, if someone is inspired by Wonder Woman and wants to be like her, then great! Be like her! If you can strive to be like Wonder Woman then hey be like her.

There's nothing wrong with wanting to be like those you admire. But here's the thing that I think this article misses. Barbra didn't strive on her own to be like Diana, she wished it. She didn't earn anything that was given to her.

She was a good person before yes, and there was nothing wrong with wanting to be like Diana. But the problem that this article misses is that she was given these gifts and opportunity, she didn't earn them.

She never had any of these things before, and being given these things so suddenly may have gone to her head; so much so that she was quickly consumed by her new gifts that she lost touch with her old self.

And let's think about that a moment. The stone takes as quickly as it gives. What did the stone take from Barbra? Well I think its meant to be pretty clear that, in return for becoming "strong, sexy, cool, and special," she had something taken away from her.

When she had nothing she was a kind person, yes she was ignored but she wasn't lashing out about it, she was her own personal. When she was given her wish she slowly became consumed by it, focused not on others or her work, but on herself and her own greed. She wanted to be admired and to be seen, and there's nothing wromg with that.

But she did not earn her beauty, strength, or popularity. She was handed them on a silver tray at the cost of losing touch with herself. She was consumed by a lie she wanted to believe.

This film has a heavy theme about accepting truths and seeing past veiled lies; Diana used a shortcut to get ahead in the contest as a child, Max Lord used the stone to lie to himself about how shitty a person/father he was, Barbra used it to lie to herself and make her something she wasn't, hell Diana lied to herself twice thinking she could keep Steve Trevor and stop Max Lord together, even while her powers were being taken away.

And there's another example of having what you hold close taken at the cost of what you want. Diana's powers at the cost of having Steve Trevor back in her life; Diana wanted nothing more then to have Steve Trevor back in her life and to be with him, but he was dead.

Until the stone heard her internal thoughts/wish and made it come true, but at the cost of her powers. But Diana didn't care. Diana knew Steve was someone else and she knew her powers were being taken away to have him back in her life, she knew this was all a lie (the stone was even created by a God of Lies)

All in all the accepting truth theme is fine I like it, but I think it gets overshadowed by all the politics and wonky CGI.

And on to that side of my thoughts.

You can really see the CGI in this film. Some parts aren't that bad but others are just... really noticeable.

Like, there's a scene where Diana is running down a street and she's speeding up down the road. You can see the CGI in her legs and how they try to make her run faster then she is.

You know how Chris Evans has that unique running style that can't be easily recreated? Yeah they try to have Diana run like that and you can see the CGI they used to make it.

And there are other little moments that you can't help but notice (a body flies too fake here or a hand grabs at the ground too smoothly there) little moments.

I know CGI is useful for some scenes and I have nothing about extra CGI in a film. But this felt like those scenes in Horror Movies where you can really see the CGI blood and just how cartoonish it really looks.

Also just, jumping on after this, can we talk about the acting?

Gadot, Pine, Wig, and Pascal all perform amazingly in this film (while I don't like his character I will commend Pascal for putting in a solid performance as Max Lord) But when you focus on some of the side characters and their acting its just really cringy.

The initial jewelry heist scene starts off fine I liked it, but when the guy drops his gun it all just gets so cheesey and corny.

Now, I like cheesey and corny acting I do. But honestly this film felt like it was trying way to hard to be in the 80s.

Stranger Things does this well with its 80s setting (the background, the characters, small moments throughout the series)

Wonder Woman 1984 tries to act like the original Wonder Woman from the 80s, and it doesn't hit that mark.

Now, I didn't grow up with the 80s Wonder Woman, but my dad did. He knew the references and he could tell what they were trying to do. But even he thought it was a little too much (he said that she fought the villain the exact same way and the acting of multiple characters reminded him of that cheesey 80s acting)

In short, most the acting was fine, but alot of it was... also not fine.

This next bit will be my last complaint and then I'll be done (its minor but its does bug me)

Why did they even make the wishing stone?

Now, I'll admit I'm no expert on DC comics, let me be the first to say that. But this stone is a magical artifact that can grant wishes at the cost of taking something valuable to you (like a monkeys paw) They even refference the Monkeys Paw on several occasions in this film, basically acting like the stone is the paw itself.

Now just, here me out for a minute.

The stone acts like the monkeys paw-

It has the same rules as the monkeys paw-

They even reffer to it like the monkeys paw-

Why not just use the monkeys paw?

Legitimately they treat this thing more like the actual Monkeys Paw rather then a mystical genie rock that it actually is. Yes they try to make the rock interesting (it destroyed the Mayans, it brought down multiple Roman Emperors etc) but I just can't get past how useless it all is.

You could replace the stone with a real monkeys paw, give it the exact same origins, and even still have Max Lord bond to the monkeys paw-

And it would still work.

There is no thematic purpose for the stone to be a stone when you can just use the paw. When Max bonds to the paw make his own hand turn into the monkeys paw, and now it has more thematic purpose for why he needs to actually touch people.

Just, its so small a thing that it technically doesn't matter but at the same time I really think that it does.

Thats the last of my complaining/ranting. Like I said I want to be as neutral and genuinely critical of this film.

I wanna like it but I just... there's alot issues that I think should've been addressed before this film was released. I have nothing against referencing current politics or making something pro-this or anti-that, but if your gonna do it at least write it in a cohesive way.

If I had to rank this with the other DC films in the last Decade (I haven't seen Birds of Prey yet and I don't remember much of Man of Steel so bear with me)

Wonder Woman 2017

Shazam

Wonder Woman 1984

Aquaman

Suicide Squad

Justice League

Batman V. Superman

It isn't the greatest film but its still better then DC's worst, so I'll give them that. I rate it a 6/10

#wonder woman #wonder woman 1984 #ww84movie #ww84 spoilers #wonder woman 1984 spoilers #spoilers #dc comics #dc movies #man of steel #birds of prey #batman

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sebthesnipe · 5 years

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The Dreamer by Whatwashernameagain an Analysis? Chapter 2! Part 1

All portions:

Chapter 1: Part 1 // Part 2 // Part 3 // Part 4

Chapter 2: Part 1 // Part 2 // Part 3 // Part 4

The Dreamer

@whatwashernameagain

Guys! We finally made it to Chapter 2!!!! Prepare for the feelz!

As always, Spoilers under cut.

So… Lets recap what we know about Roman before we dig too deep into Chapter 2… We know that Roman is overzealous, hopeful to the point of naivety, innocent, sassy, playful/teasing, endearing, misguided and moral. He sees the good in everyone (especially Logan). Roman cares for each person individually, while Logan cares more for humanity as a whole. Lastly, Roman is pretty much the embodiment of hope for Logan and maybe the world. No pressure.

Okay… That’s pretty much what we know about Roman’s personality thus far… and he’s only been mentioned a few times… Not bad, not bad. Let’s get to it!

Eva wastes no time jumping right into Roman’s back story, though I’ll admit the first time I read this it gave me a bit of whiplash. We did just come out of a very dramatic scene, after all. Still as usual there is a lot to be said in the first para. First off, drawing the reader in within the first few lines is always a great idea and she manages it with; “Young Roman was shaking with righteous anger. How dare this – this fiend targeted the company of his father?” (Whatwashernameagain). This should send us into a whirlwind of emotions. We learn a lot about Roman and Roman’s father with these two sentences. First off, we see that Roman is very quick with his emotions which is not surprising at all, judging from what we have learned about him. However, when he uses the word ‘fiend’ in italics the inflection nods towards his overzealous nature which honestly warms my heart a bit. Once again, Eva is very strategic with her italics and beautifully so. We can assume that this ‘fiend’ is none other than one ‘Utilitarianist’ judging from the context of the previous chapter and the rivalry that we are already familiar with. But this begs the question: Why would Logan target Roman’s father unless he is a bad man? Well, I’d say the answer is in the question… But Roman obviously doesn’t believe that.

“He was the hardest working man in the world! His idol, his hero! He was donating to charity, pursuing a career in politics to support the attempts of the republican party to protect this great country’s safety and now he had to deal with an investigation into the state of his breeding facilities” (Whatwashernameagain).

This makes me… so sad. Roman obviously idolizes his father. He is a young man here, years before The Dreamer and it certainly shows in his naivety and innocence. As children many of us are fed information that our parents wish for us to believe or are simply told in order to stop us from questioning this or that. Some parents do this consciously while most don’t even think about it. It’s like when your parent tells you that its illegal to drive at night with the cab light on… I don’t know if this is going to shock you but its not illegal. At least not here. But their parents no doubt told them that when they were younger to keep them from messing with the light and distracting them; then they grew up believing it and now they tell their children the same thing. Or my mother use to tell me that her first husband died in a car accident because she didn’t want me to know she was divorced… Turns out he lives in Cali with a wife and three kids… but questioning her about him hurt her so she made up a lie to protect herself and me. Its not surprising that poor innocent Roman would be fed similar lies to help idolize his father.

The thing is… there comes a point in time in every adult’s life that they look at their parent and reality hits them so hard in the face they stumble. The person you thought your mom or dad was isn’t exactly who they are. For example, I idolized my own father and I of course still love him very very much; but growing up I thought he had the answer to everything and was an outstanding person. He had very few flaws (mostly just promiscuity)… Then about the time I turned twenty-four I watched as he went into a rage about abortions and how pro-choicers are idiots when most of them are pro-life but ‘just want attention’. It took me by surprise and when I showed him the statistics that the majority of ‘pro-life’ and ‘pro-choice’ both agreed that there should be exceptions to most abortion issues (“Abortion”). He chose to deny the fact and continued to hate the opposite party simply because they labeled themselves something other than what he labeled himself, despite believing in the same concepts…. I’m getting way off topic… Sorry… I realized in that moment that the man I idolized was an ignorant man who was content with his choice in being ignorant. It was a shock… The image of him I had painted my whole life came crashing down. It was alright of course, we just don’t talk about politics anymore… well… not often anyways. My point is… I’m curious to see when Roman has the same realization that his father is not the man Roman expects him to be… Truth be told; our parents can never live up to their children’s expectations. We set the bar too high and they are only human, doing the best they can… The good ones anyways XP

Again! Getting off topic! Sorry! Back to the analysis….

Roman sees his father as everything he strives to be. His father is a hard worker, who gives to the needy, is charismatic (a politician), a protector. No doubt, Roman was conditioned to see these things; conditioned to believe that this is what a ‘real’ man looks like. A conditioning that most of us have experienced. Girls that don’t dress pretty enough, or don’t like the color pink, or rather play with a football than a barbie; or boys who love pink, enjoy makeup, don’t enjoy sports… I can’t tell you enough how much crap my husband gets because he rather read a book than play football, especially when he was in school (he’s 6’4” and almost 400lbs). Its wrong!!! Here Roman’s father stands, the picture-perfect image of everything Roman is expected to be… of course he’s going to fixate on the good, rather than accepting the bad. Looks like Logan isn’t the only one in denial.

This denial is cemented when Roman begins to talk about the ‘caramel colored Highland cow’ that his father had given him when he was twelve. Roman uses this as an example of how his father cares so deeply for animals…. -sigh- My poor baby… All of this is an indication of unconscious rationalization. Yup, you guessed it I’m jumping back into psychoanalysis and Freud. YAY! Rationalization is when an individual avoids feelings of displeasure by explaining their own loses and failures as someone else’s fault (Rivkin, Julie). In this case, Roman isn’t even aware that he is doing it; hence the denial. Instead of subconsciously accepting the fact that these investigations could be in the right he chooses to blame the investigation of victim blaming…. Well, the investigations and The Utilitarianist.

Though Roman’s us of terms such as ‘hard-working Americans,’ ‘terrorist’ and ‘gross injustice’ in the next few paragraphs really boldens the image that Roman eventually grows into; the one we saw in Chapter 1. As if Roman should be wearing the stars and stripes on his cape, flapping in the wind behind him. A whole-hearted apple pie American! These terms are a direct parallel to a lot of the Republican campaigns throughout the last few years. Terms like this tend to be used to sew discontent and fear into people, making them easily controllable. Honestly, it’s a great symbolism on how America’s masses are being persuaded to follow the path of anger and certain politicians that I will not name. Roman, here is the picture-perfect representation of America, his father a Republican extremist (like many politicians lately) who has fed him so many lies and promises… provided pretty things to satisfy him temporary and allow him to do as he pleases without any consequence to himself. Sound familiar?

**Personal note: I have nothing against the Republican party. I agree with the platform on a few issues as well as with the Democratic platform. However, anything to its extreme is a bad thing. Thank you for coming to my Tedtalk.

“Roman could not stand for this! It was gross injustice! He wanted to help, to support his father and show him that he could trust him! He was almost twenty now – a man – and it was time he finally managed to prove himself!” (Whatwashernameagain).

Within the same paragraph we see Roman’s need to win his father’s approval. We also see the societal gender norm of being ‘a man’ once more. There is a lot to unpack here. Roman wants to show his father that he can ‘trust him.’ Which wouldn’t be something a normal person would be concerned about unless there was a sense of past abuse; which judging by the rationalization is no doubt the case. This implies that Roman has always been informed that he’s not good enough, or that he is incompetent. This small sentence shows us a side of Roman that we have yet to see… his insecurity. Sure, as The Dreamer he hides it well… He must, he’s the hope and dreams of the world, he can’t afford insecurities. But deep down he is just a child wanting his father’s approval. He wants to be needed, needs to be accepted. He wants to prove to this man that he’s not worthless… Hmm… Kinda sounds like a certain villain we know doesn’t it? Actually, Logan and Roman have a lot more in common here than meets the eye. Imagine what Roman feels here… The desperation, the loneliness. Perhaps he feels as if there is no one else in the world that could possibly understand how he feels. He is no doubt surrounded by staff but when it comes down to it, he is just as alone as Logan is. Both using their pain to change the world; both defining themselves by the work that they do… by their usefulness. Once again, Roman focusing on the individual (his father) while Logan focuses on the masses. He and Logan share the same goal, the same hurtles, and the same pain… and yet somehow ended up on opposite sides of the coin…

We see more of Roman’s insecurities in the next paragraph, underlining the emotion; proving to the reader that it runs far deeper than we would first assume. He states that he tends to ‘ask the wrong question’ and makes ‘stupid suggestions’. However, the questions he asks are regarding the wages of the workers, and the suggestions involve the wellbeing of animals. The dimension this contrast provides really rounds out Roman’s character. As a reader we see that these questions are anything but wrong and the suggestions are far from stupid, but we are a mute onlooker that can do nothing to change the scene unfolding before us. These words paint Roman’s heart as much as his pain. We see his concern for his father’s employees and the animals as well. We see that he cares for every living being, bringing up back to the fact that he focuses on the individual, reinforcing this concept. At the same time, he doesn’t see it himself. I’ve learned early on in life that if you are told the same thing over and over in your life time by someone you look up to… you are bound to believe it and the best and worst thing about belief is that once you have it… its hard to let go.

“Shame rose into Roman’s cheeks as he remembered his silly question about fencing in a meadow for their calves in their Laredo facility to play in with their mothers. He’d just remembered how much Nugget had always enjoyed jumping around with them. Of course, he should have known they needed to be separated from their mothers after the first day to avoid losing the milk they sold. It was necessary, he guessed. So, they’d said” (Whatwashernameagain).

So, they’d said… -sigh- Three little words and yet… so much pain. I don’t really need to explain the whole being told something repeatedly etc etc etc. Because I just did; but the fact that Eva ends the paragraph so simply is so elegantly impactful… I just… wanted to bring attention to it.

It also serves to point out that despite the fact that Roman rationalizes his father’s mistreatments and dirty deeds, he has his doubts. “It was necessary, he guessed.” Implies that Roman doesn’t truly believe this despite what he’d been told (along with the ‘so they’d said’). It adds even more depth to the man because while we are looking at a young Roman with no self-confidence he knows right from wrong. At least, deep down he does. It is the environment around him that is forcing this sense of morality to be buried deep deep down to the point to he can hardly recognize it… but its there. This also makes for some great foreshadowing. The small rebellion of nothing but a seed of a thought will no doubt grow into more.

Tangent: People always talk about how changing your thoughts are a sure-fire way to change your life and it is true. In fact, there is scientific research to prove it. No, I’m not talking about some kind of poll or mental screening. It’s much bigger than that. Dr. Masaru Emoto, a Japanese scientist and doctor of alternative medicine, conducted an experiment to try and discover how our thoughts can physically affect the world around us (“Water”). He took samples of water and exposed them to written and spoken words and music to see how thoughts and feelings affect physical reality (“Water”). Dr. Masaru Emoto discovered that crystals formed in frozen water reveal changes when specific, concentrated thoughts are directed towards them such as ‘love’, ‘thank you’, ‘I hate you’ (“Water”). The findings were unbelievable especially when you consider the fact that 90% of our bodies are made of water. Water that changes in reaction to thoughts. The implications of this research create a new awareness of how we can positively impact the earth and our personal health (“Water”). Dr. Emoto has been called to lecture around the world as a result and has conducted live experiments both in Japan and Europe as well as in the US to show how indeed our thoughts, attitudes, and emotions as humans deeply impact the environment (“Water”). I learned this many years ago watching the documentary ‘What the Bleep Do We Know?’ which I highly recommend… But if you would like to watch the short clip on water molecules and thoughts you can find it here.

I bring it up because Roman’s rebellious thoughts have a far more drastic impact than he probably assumes. We shape ourselves to our thoughts… Which only intensifies the foreshadowing here.

Once again, in the next para we see Roman’s rationalization in full swing as he talks about his father having a difficult time with him. We also see the reinforcement of social norms when it comes to gender: ‘he lacked a sense of ruthlessness a strong man needed to improve the world’, ‘he was a bad hunter, had the wrong interests’, ‘spoke too softly or loudly’ (Whatwashernameagain). I’m not going to go into it too much because I’ve already touched on the ridiculousness of this… and because forcing social gender norms onto someone like this piss me off like no other and I’m not turning this into a big rant and pulling it away from Eva’s amazing work! I’ll just say that its wrong to assume what it means to be a man or a woman… why isn’t just being a person enough?! and leave it at that. We also see more of Roman’s idolization of his father; his need for approval and his distaste for Logan and his so-called victim-blaming (which is rationalization once more).

The sudden shift from such a somber tone to the next paragraph proves to be refreshing and provides Roman with a small burst of passion we know and love! Eva writes: “Roman had one thing going he was good at, though. He was strong, brave and determined. Someone needed to put a stop to this renegade liberal, and it might as well be him. It wasn’t like all the other things he’d tried and failed at. This time, he felt a calling to fight the war of the righteous” (Whatwashernameagain)!

This provides us with a small glimpse of The Dreamer we’ve come to know in Chapter 1. Roman may not have confidence in himself but the image of who he wants to be is another story. For those of you who don’t know I worked in Law Enforcement for six years and its things like this that remind me of some of the good parts of the job. Roman is relatable here to be. I’ve known a lot of officers who are very different outside of the uniform, myself included. We have insecurities, weaknesses, ticks, that all seem to fade away when we put on that uniform. You become a different person, a stronger person; someone you look up to… and looking up to yourself is an amazing feeling… its like your indestructible… you can do anything! Officer Liz and the Liz writing this analysis are two different people. Yes, we share the same experiences and likes and dislikes but… I’m just a regular person, staying up too late, worried about laundry and dishes… while she… she’s a hero who protects everyone, always has a solution, and never lets her emotions get the better of her. Roman is getting his first taste of the high that comes with the alter ego. He sees the Dreamer in that instance, though he refers to himself because in a way they are the same person… The difference is, is that The Dreamer has already won his father’s approval and pride… Roman has not.

*******

I will have to end it there, friends. It is way past my bed time, and I have to be up in a few hours for work. Thank you for joining me though and I hope to see you in Part 2!

“Abortion.” Gallup.com, Gallup, 10 Nov. 2019, https://news.gallup.com/poll/1576/abortion.aspx.

Rivkin, Julie. Literary Theory: a Practical Introduction. Wiley-Blackwell, 2017.

“Water.” What the Bleep Do We Know!?, https://whatthebleep.com/water-crystals/.

Whatwashernameagain. “The Dreamer - Chapter 2.” Hello Guys Gals And Non Binary Friends, 8 Sept. 2019, https://whatwashernameagain.tumblr.com/post/189407228487/the-dreamer-chapter-2?is_related_post=1.

#The dreamer #villain!logan #hero!roman #sanders sides #logince #logan sanders #roman sanders #logan/roman #roman/logan #analysis #reaction #fanfiction #Whatwashernameagain

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thought-i-to-myself · 5 years

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I'm kinda late to the game but: Did Anne break the pocket knife on purpose just to say her "I'll replace it, but obviously anything from me would have far less sentimental value than this" line? Was she just fishing for an "I like you more than her" from Ann??

I think you're on the right track, beancopter, but to me it's less about Anne finding out whether Ann liked her "more than" Miss Rawson and more about Anne trying to discern whether Ann likes her or likes her.

So the knife: Yeah, she fucking broke it on purpose, and I also don't think it was necessarily fishing for a compliment, unless you consider someone wanting to bone you a compliment (I guess it is, now that I think of it). What Anne is fishing for is information, specifically, whether little Ann is INTO big Anne. **Sidenote: doing scene breakdowns via text is infinitely less confusing than discussing this show outloud due to the frustrating fact that life, unlike tv, is not subtitled. So I've started using big Anne/little Ann when discussing orally to differentiate without having to say "Anne with an E" or "Ann without an E" because even though the actors are only a few inches apart, Sophie Rundle is the smallest smol to ever smol so I just have this uncontrollable urge to call her character "little Ann" all the time and I guess that makes other Anne the "big" one even tho Suranne is also very small in real life. Anywhooooo . . ..** So yes, big Anne broke the knife so she could deliver the line that whatever she gave little Ann as a replacement wouldn't be all that meaningful in order to see whether little Ann would in fact go, "OOH, OOH, yes it would! Yes it would!!" Or whether she'd just be like, "well no, but I just really use that paper knife a lot so if you could get me a new one that'd be great, thx."

Anne is an expert level flirt, no question, but I think these little fishing expeditions - and she goes on them several times throughout the season - actually serve a purpose beyond just getting Ann to give her the thirsty eyes. Remember that this is a world where being a lesbian isn't even a thing, so my take is that Anne does this to get clear verbal indicators that ANN is into her in a more-than-friendly way, to confirm that the vibe she's getting is more than just Ann Walker being polite, civil, nice, platonically complimentary, etc. Because if you look at the statements she uses, they will all elicit a response that's decidedly EITHER friendzone OR somewhere past friendzone and headed toward DTF; there's really no middle-ground response to them.

Cut to the almost end of 1 x 02, before Anne heads to London for Vere's wedding. Anne has been turning on the charm and they've been eye fucking the whole episode, but I think Anne is really still trying to make absolutely sure that Ann is into her – like for reals into her – before she does anything more than flirting (also remember that she's coming off of a heartbreak here). So they're talking about painting and Anne says, "maybe someday you could paint me." Seriously Anne?? This comment ONLY ever gets answered one of two ways: Either the person says, "I'd love to paint you," or the person says "umm, that'd be super weird dude, you're kinda creeping me out." Has any one ever told a friend they would love to paint them in a totally platonic way (???), because I sure haven't. I mean I've never said it at all because can't paint so this wouldn't have come up anyway, but you get my point.

You didn't ask for an analysis, so this answer is probably WAY more than you wanted, but I want to throw in one more example, and it's an important one.

After the Anne(s) are reunited in 1 x 08, Anne "I'm always alright" Lister finally tells Ann that she's not really alright, that she thinks she made a mistake with the coal pits, and tells Ann "God I've missed you," and "I don't think one hour went by where I didn't think of you." She's letting Ann know that her heart is still in it, that she hasn't let go of the possibilty of them, despite the fact that Ann's hurt her. And in that most-majestic-and-life-alteringly-good hilltop scene, there's a point in the conversation where Anne starts telling Ann about her adventures in Denmark. I honestly think she starts this part of the speech just because Ann is there and it's her Ann who she hasn't seen or talked to in what feels like forever, so she just tells her all these things she wishes she could have seen, could have been there for, memories she wishes they'd shared. And then she gets to the end and there's this moment right before she says, "friendly people, the Danes" where she takes a big breath, and I swear this is the moment she's decided what she's going to say next, where she knows that what she says will ellicit a response from Ann that's either capital Y-Yes or capital N-No, once and for all. And she says, "I think I shall go back there." Think about it. There is NO CHANCE IN HELL that Anne thinks that she's going to deliver a line about traveling and NOT get a response from Ann about it. She says those words like they are HEAVY because she KNEW that telling Ann she wanted to travel back there in the future meant that Ann would either respond with: (a) LET ME COME WITH YOU I WANT TO BE PART OF YOUR FUTURE, or (b) more sad and heartbreaking words as to why she can't/won't/it's not the right time, etc. etc. Anne knew she'd get an answer; the conversation was never going to be AL: I hope to get back there someday. AW: oh, cool; what'd you have for lunch today?

Ok so this was less of a breakdown and more of a ramble, but I just love that when Anne wants to get an answer from Ann about something, she knows how to get Ann to tell her without actually asking the question.

tl,dr: yes.

#gentleman jack #anne lister #scene breakdowns #ask #askTITM #deep thoughts

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retphienix · 4 years

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FF12~

I dread my current inability to capture gameplay as I once could all because I’m lacking basic computer parts right now -.-

ANYWAY.

Started playing FF12 and here’s some stuff!

I’M LOVIN’ IT!

I know I’m in a minority, but I’ve gone on at length in the past about my love for the passive combat of DWM and DWM2, I’ve even started and (sadly) subsequently decided not to post extensive analysis of the combat system and how it emphasizes planning and build comprehension over traditional reactionary gameplay in RPGs.

Short of it? DWM combat is preplanning, building your team, building your spellbook properly, and setting each member up for success visa vie personality and “PLAN” orders (charge/cautious, etc).

You set yourself up for success and test your theory time and again until you find an encounter that counters that plan, then you adjust on the fly to counter THAT.

I know I’ve heard complaints on combat in that vein in the past, plenty of times even; Namely that it’s too passive or “Plays itself” and honestly, kinda, yeah? Yeah, it kinda does. But I find it so intriguing and entertaining to partake in.

ANYWAY. FF12 is that.

You can play it like a traditional RPG sure, but with Gambits existing (preplanning pretty much, or programming their actions) it really feels like an extension of that gameplay idea and I am living for it since so few games have any interest in doing that anymore.

Heck FF7 remake goes out of its way to play in a manner that would benefit heavily from gambits, but ignores them completely on some (my opinion) misguided design decision that forces needless micromanaging in a game that DESPERATELY wants to be fast paced and action-y.

So where FF7 remake arguably fails, FF12 succeeds, in my opinion. But clearly they have their strengths and weaknesses. FF7 is MUCH faster and more action oriented, and FF12 might just give TOO much power to gambits- though it is an opt in system so I suppose that’s not TOO bad, could just not gambit your main guy and tada! You’re playing what FF7 remake could have been lol (Being harsh).

But yeah, combat is fun for my tastes! Story has me hooked enough for a final fantasy plot! I love how, just like you’d expect from Ivalice, it immediately starts with backstabbing and political unrest! I genuinely love that- though I suspect this game will focus more on backstabbing for the war effort than say, FFT’s amazing rich elitist and corrupt religious systems plot which I adore, which I wish would be here but I doubt it.

ALSO THIS GAME HONEST TO GOD FIXES (well, rewrites, reinterprets?) SOME OF THE DUMBEST PARTS OF FFTA IN A MANNER I LIKE!!!

Namely, so far at least, Judges. Instead of being an arbitrary and extremely stupid and out of place game mechanic given physical form they are a sort of elite templar group, I dig! Also Clans are back! But unfortunately it doesn’t appear I get to run my own like in FFTA which would have been nice in a game that doesn’t suck eggs, instead the clans are a sort of overarching hunting/bounty system you partake in BUT said hunting is fun where you accept quests that spawn mini-bosses/bosses around the world to hunt. I really like that too.

Cutting away from the game itself and instead offering a touch of praise to the version I’ve decided to play- I’m playing the FF12 remaster and I just wanted to praise the inclusion of a turbo function. Yeah, I really like fast forward added to games with grind- I MIGHT (haven’t thought too hard on it) appreciate that more than adjusting in-game values to accommodate new school grind etiquette. Again, I haven’t thought on it too long, but I THINK I like having the option to go 4x speed to grind over the option to have every enemy in the game drop 4x xp/loot/AP/whatever.

Something about being able to kill the same amount of enemies I would have in the old version, but faster, is (currently) more preferable to my mindset than killing 4x less enemies than the original but getting extremely bloated rewards for doing it.

But yeah. Playing FF12 right now, genuinely having a blast. This is hitting so many notes I’ve been craving lately and I started it on a whim! I was just thinking “Well, FF7 is done, the trainwreck of an ending and all, and I TRIED FF15 but it honestly wasn’t doing it for me. Let’s try 12? I love Ivalice and any excuse to say a game isn’t as good as FFT, that’ll be fun.” and I ended up playing a game that catches my fancy :)

#RetPlays #FF12 #Final Fantasy 12 #Final Fantasy #I've taken a much more laid back narrative style since I can't capture footage and I have no idea who cares or likes or dislikes that

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shadowofthelamp · 5 years

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I’ve been meaning to write this for a few weeks, but haven’t really had the chance, and figure I might as well do it now. Writing out things about how and why I relate to/like characters is something that’s always helped me when creating my own projects, both character-based fanfiction and original stuff because it shakes out what appeals to me and why.

Anyways, this is a specific analysis of why IZ matters to me, a lot. Strap in y’all, you’re getting context. 1500 words of it. Warnings for uh.... bullying, mental illness, that whole shebang. If you could like if you read I’d appreciate it.

It’s a bit difficult to detangle exactly how you felt years ago, especially when you had undiagnosed mental illness at the time. The concrete details are this: I found IZ when I was about 11/12 years old, because some kids in my class wore Gir shirts a lot. (Thanks, guys, for being polite and explaining it to me when I asked about them!)

Something about it just clicked. The only fandom I’d been involved in before that point was Sonic, and then, it was pretty one-sided: I would consume content, but only occasionally made any of my own, and I never talked to anyone. It mattered to me sure, probably almost as much as IZ did, but for different reasons that aren’t really relevant here.

To set the scene: I was 12, bullied, depressed because of said being bullied, anxious for the same reason, and the only friends I had were all just the losers nobody else would talk to. One regularly physically pushed me around and bit me and I took it because everyone else thought I was a weirdo freak, and the other two were mostly just her friends and tolerated me. (Sidenote: Turns out she had mental stuff of her own, but geez, she needed to be helped because it was never a secret she was hurting me.)

Teachers were somewhat torn on me most of the time, because I was clearly very smart and participated in class often, but had a trigger temper that other students used to bully me, and often the teacher’s response was to blame both of us if someone riled me up to the point of snapping back. I still have problems with trusting any authority figures with any problems because of this.

I was also taught to not trust people who are being nice to me, because again, I was desperate for social interaction that wasn’t Bitey the One Friend, and that was used to pretend to compliment or talk to me and then laugh behind my back about it. I’m still seriously working through this one. I probably should talk to someone about it, honestly.

So, uh. Yeah, with that as a guideline, it’s not really a surprise I latched on to IZ. Dib was the smart yet neurotic one that was desperate to prove himself to adults that never listened, and Zim was loud and aggressive and everyone seemed to hate him even as he stumbled through everything, never really realizing just how broken he was. I’d never seen characters like that before, and I especially related to Dib.

The setting also was something I hadn’t really seen before, and it got to me in a way I can’t fully explain. It was dirty and angry and stupid and sad and felt the way I did. This was how the world came across to me at the time, as something broken and unfair, with everyone in power either willfully ignoring me yelling that something was wrong, that either everything around me was broken or I was.

I joke constantly about Dib’s Birthday, the first IZ fic I ever wrote. I’m probably never going to reread it and it’s going to rot unfinished on ffnet until the servers crash, but I found a doc where I went through the first two chapters before dying of Old Writing-Itis, and... honestly, from what I do remember? It was using the characters specifically to work through this stuff that I didn’t have any other outlet for at the time. I had a brother who knew/cared so little about me that years later he told me he never knew I ever had any problems despite the fact that I was by 14, before I started getting meds and therapy, somewhat suicidal. (The bullying had eased as I’d forced myself to blend into the background and no one cared about me anymore, but the ‘no friends and depression’ hadn’t.)

And this is where we get to the shipping stuff. ‘The world is terrible and our brains are fucked and kinda broken but at least I have you, someone who understands me’ honest to god was a lifeline at that point to me, and I don’t think anything else could have delivered it quite like Za/Dr did. I don’t doubt a lot of the fics were people channeling stuff, same way I was. I’ve noticed that, much like Yugioh, this is a fandom with a lot of people that have Stuff Going On they put in, because mental illness is a theme in the show, as little as it’s thoughtfully explored. Sort of a ‘well, we’ve got the blocks, let’s take it and use it to build our own catharsis.’

I’ve also noticed I tend to keep them the age I am- when I was about 13, they were show-aged. The one I found from when I was 14, I made Dib 14/15. And I’ve expressed I kind of regret not making Dib in AiP match my age now- 20, going on 21.

I feel like I’m exaggerating a little, and maybe I am since this is my experiences told through the funhouse mirror of fractured memory, but I also talked to myself. Like, a fair amount. Out loud. I could go entire days without talking to any other students unless I was forced to, because no one would ever talk to me first or respond if I tried, so I was sort of in a ‘why even bother?’ mode by freshman year. Everyone knew me, and already was afraid of or weirded out by me because of how often I was in and out of the principal’s office.

(The biggest chunk of the bullying, besides name-calling and the other typical stuff, was riling me up and then getting me in trouble for snapping back. It was the same people over and over, so it took less and less to get me angry over time, so by fourth or fifth grade I was going off over seemingly nothing, but really, it was just piling a bunch of sticks on top of every other thing that had already been hurled at me, so I looked like rigged dynamite but they never looked who was lighting the matches.)

JTHM was pretty important to me for similar reasons as IZ, although that was more catharsis, the idea of just being able to get rid of people who were hurting me. I’ve said before the ‘I wish someone would just turn me off and... fix me’ panel was another one of those ‘holy shit someone else knows this feeling’ moments.

Things finally started turning around for me at about 15 when I just broke down crying at a family event and my mom pulled me aside and I was sent to therapy and got medication. Long story short, it worked, and I’m mostly better on the depression front.

Bringing this back around to IZ, it’s been kind of incredible to come back and have the fandom be- well, honestly, I can’t ever remember it being this active. I was terrified to interact directly in a way that wasn’t reading things and pushing my own content out into the void, not talking to anyone one on one. By 13, I was better about it, and soon before 14 was when I made my tumblr and started actually talking to people. I recently stumbled across age discourse from that time through tumblr’s ‘more posts like this’ function and it kind of surprised me, but I guess it’s always been there.

I’ve said before that when I remove the rose-colored glasses, my experiences weren’t always great. FC hate was something that kept me from making ocs until just a few years ago, and shipping hate was often homophobia-related. But death threats and shit were not as common, nor was the rigid 'if you like this you’re a terrible person’.

I’m just gonna end this with saying yeah, without this series I may not have had the feeling of being genuinely understood or the outlet I needed for a bunch of shit going on at the time, so IZ is really really important to me and people who shit on a ship that helped me a lot because of something that the creator said nearly 20 years after the fact can eat my ass.

#this ends kinda ship discourse related but uh #yeah #iz blogging #iz

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elizabethrobertajones · 6 years

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How after the mixtape are Dean and Cas' romantic feelings not considered canon? That shit was not subtext and even if you disregard the Mary and John Led Zepplin connection, mixtapes are almost exclusively romantic in fiction not to mention the whole returning one as a break up and framing of the scene. I just don't understand how even to the GA that was ambiguous. Honestly these moving goalposts are very confusing to me. Aside from PR not mentioning it I don't get what more the show needs (1/2)

to do, to establish that yes it’s written as romantic but that they are not in the being together stage. We don’t know what will happen in the future but to me 12x19 pretty clearly showed that at least at that point in their relationship, that’s where they were at. I wondered if you had any thoughts on it because it’s been nagging at me for a while? (2/2)

I mean, yeah, I have a LOT of thoughts about it because it was a sea change in the way Destiel presented, for me. There’s been MULTIPLE moments which took it up another notch, at pretty regularly spaced intervals through the show. I know my personal limit, when bingewatching 4-6 for the first time after an unintentional break from the show, was 6x20. Everyone who got into the ship without being prompted has a a moment along the way, whether it was considering all the ship teasing seriously, or thinking something about the narrative, or whatever, got to that moment where they actually hit the goalposts and started taking it seriously.

I think several of the past moments that I find really important are also statements of intent - 9x18 for me was when I went from casual viewer and while I believed in Destiel I also saw it entirely as a subtextual creation that was not sort of… for serious consideration as a narrative tool/character endgame the show would ever even nod towards at the end of the day… to definitely thinking they were at the very least intentionally building their story with these blocks, and that it was worth investigating and exploring… That was Metatron asking us to consider the subtext and how it was a part of the story. That it wasn’t something that passes by like that but that there is an awareness and that it can and will give the story meaning. The episode being so full of strong Destiel subtext, it put me firmly where I am now in meta fandom with an overnight transformation >.>

And 10x05 was the other one where there was a serious goalpost, where “Destiel” was said in text and a pseudo Destiel depiction happened on screen… To whatever degree it was jokey or wish fulfilment or could be interpreted this way and that as a statement to how Destiel stood in the text, it gave it a weight and presence it hadn’t had before. Even though fans had had a name for it all along, there’s something very important about naming the thing within the story and even having Sam sound out different versions of the name with pedantic detail. Between that and “I’ll just wait here then” it really established Destiel in the subtextual building blocks of the show in a fascinatingly meta way.

Then for all the random canon events of maybe extreme shippiness, it was 12x19 that for me was a real SHIFT when it came to perceptions and presentation in the story, because of course even on the surface level it’s an extremely romantic trope to give a mixtape, and ignoring all the other analysis of the scene which only makes it worse, it betrays an enormous amount of emotion and care between Dean and Cas, in a way that’s coded strongly to our cultural perceptions as a romantic gesture having passed between them. Which means it’s another goal scored when it comes to… upping the ante of not-quite-canon-ness?

I sort of feel like Cas’s death and return and all the connected stuff from the moment he’s stabbed through Dean saying “I do” and hugging him under the romeo+juliet glowing neon cross was either a further upping of the ante, or just showing us how to play in the rules which now exist post-mixtape, where this is the level of implied canon it’s at now…

I mean I honestly keep saying and I mean it that pretty much since the mixtape or 12x23 I’ve been quite lost about how to handle Destiel in the sense that these were goalposts I didn’t even know I would expect the show to meet, or that if they did it would be the implied canon ending of the show where it gives us an equivalent gesture and leaves us to wonder what it was about. Instead it happens at this point and we’ve got over a season of Dean n Cas portrayed as exasperated husbands and all my interest and expertise in lawyering subtext to prove how gay it is has been left behind in its wake, so I’m just here to enjoy myself and see how it pans out now, because I set my own personal goalposts of what I assumed the show would do much lower than what Dabb set? Like, the reverse problem of people who keep moving them rather than examine the subtext and see what it says fairly without trying to lawyer their way out of what all these implications are instead. :P

But at least the mixtape made it very clear to me that you can now sort out the people who will NEVER accept something as good enough proof that the show even has romantic subtext for Dean n Cas and refuse to understand why people see it or ship it. To discount that entire conversation and the clearly expressed feelings of concern for each other, regardless of shipping, in order to claim that they don’t mean that much to each other and it’s ooc to suggest otherwise, means they’re doing the harder work when it comes to interpretation and THAT is a flipping of the stances from pre-mixtape where plausible deniability and doubt and stuff all mixed together to make it at least an awkward sell to people who hadn’t thought of it that way yet, and empowered people who wilfully didn’t want to see it.

The Cas death arc just gave us more fodder for where shippers do less work than people who actively want to deny that Dean cares.

But for general audiences, I think it’s quite easy to get stuck at the stage where I was pre-9x18 where Dean n Cas might even seem to be somewhat a ~confirmed couple~ except that people will lend it no credit to intent or their importance to each other in the emotional endgame, just for reasons of it not being done, or not thinking it’s possible, or in general not putting in the attention and time to piece together the relationship that a definitive canon statement would cause them to do a double take on. And that even if they then say they knew it all along, because many of these goalposts are unmissable in some senses, the credibility lent to the ship is fully missable without knowing to give it. Which is the whole problem, really.

I’ve known the show long enough to feel its old school bones pretty deeply so I feel like that affects my personal perspective on… owedness of canon or where I started to take it seriously, and how much of the old gods of TV vs new gods possibility I would casually see in its genetic makeup. So 12x19 - being written by the new gods of TV - took the show a step further as Dabb seems to be the first showrunner of that generation of TV writers vs the ones who would play the subtext game forever - and that’s really unsettling to me. In the sense that there’s some sort of storytelling subversion thing going on here and my understanding is still kinda maybe rooted in an older postmodern take than what might end up being labelled something entirely new by future scholars… And a lot of that to me is in expectations and tropes no longer being what they were and I end up thinking of all the factors from the mass-saturation of media vs everything having to be new and individual to be considered worthy, to the effect of the internet, and the political climate in America, and the world the younger millennial writers grew up in (and we can see that literally warring with Buckleming’s old school writing in the show), and not just storytelling but representation of all walks of marginalised life coming into it, and it’s all a bunch of stuff that probably soon there’ll be a bunch of interesting scholarship on, but in the mean time we’re all riding the wave and in my personal experience I feel like we don’t even know what our surfboards are any more.

I mean 12x23 seriously knocked me into orbit when it came to my understanding of the show, and I haven’t recovered yet. And since I spend a lot of time over-thinking as a matter of course, this is a tiny percentage of the ridiculous musings I have on it all and why I can’t just get mad at it for goalpost issues, and why I feel people lag behind and stuff. I feel like WE are lagging behind, even the people who claim to know everything about the show and analyse it all the time, and the best we can do is take it as it comes and see… But this is very much an utter fascination with watching Dabb era shed Carver era’s subtext cocoon and start testing its bizarre, mirrored, fractal wings.

#Asks #dabb vs cars #top 13 zepp traxx #riverboat gambling #12x19 #destiel

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minblush · 6 years

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k-armys are spreading a tweet namjoon made in 2013 about korean independence where he says 'There is no future for people who have forgotten history' which shows he probably won't agree with working with a japanese imperialist, hopefully he still has this attitude in 2018 twitter(.)com/BTS_twt/status/367906282012831744

yeah i have seen them doing that ;; and fancafe and all the official tweets since then have been flooded with people talking about these things too, but bighit is playing dead fish so far :(

microwavehater said:Am i the only one who never believed that bts has ~creative freedom~ (anymore) ? If they (still) had, they’d use their influence to spread msgs like baepsae, not just love urself uwu (considering yoongi made political pre-debut releases &interview stuff) Also, their newer releases (LY her onwards) are v much lacking in the hiphop department which (i assume) was a marketing choice. Hiphop just doesn’t sell as well to a female audience (along w the fact that vocalists are the face of BTS).

i think they still have creative input but creative freedom definitely not, but it’s debatable if they ever had it anyway? idk.. and them moving on from hip-hop was definitely both trying to change things up as well as appeal to a broader audience, love yourself era overall was an attempt to basically touch as many people as possible, i don’t mind them changing their musical direction but what has bothered me was the loss of their involvement (because it is less)

Anonymous said:I totally agree with you about BTS losing their originality. I’m almost starting to get annoyed of them. Now bc they know people love their music for its topics such as mental health, etc I almost feel like they’re thinking that they’re obliged to constantly write music that only has a “social” message. I did not like Idol at all. It was pretty tacky and the idea of loving yourself seemed so forced in the lyrics. I want them to make songs about whatever they want at that moment. (1/?)

Anonymous said:Also every fan keeps saying the same thing about them being unfiltered when actually they’ve become SO filtered now. They’ve almost created this illusion of being super open with us when actually we barely know anything about them. I don’t mind that but I hate how they’re touting that as something that applies to them. Honestly most fans now are the bandwagon type and the fandom is starting to feel more like a cult versus a community like it used to. (2/2)

i don’t know if i ever talked about them losing their originality? because originality is debatable in this case too, if you mean their original intention then yes i agree with that, and i agree they definitely created the illusion, once i got out of the bts bubble a bit and also thought back to the old days, i realized how closed off and filtered everything is comparison to the past and even to other kpop groups nowadays that are way more direct, i feel like even exo is more outspoken these days and direct with their fans which i thought could never happen??? i used to stan them and it was hell hah.. and these days.. wowza..

Anonymous said:Fuck yesss we need new yoongi mixtape and i agree abt what you said i wish bts could read that and be like okay guys i think they are right we have done some questionable things and shit has to be addressed whether we like it or not and just fucking do so. Some fans will drop but some would drop anyway bc it is getting out of hand i would never want to call bts problematic bc shit i cannot imagine that being true but them supporting problematic people is kind of making them ones

i just feel like nothing will change because bang pd is too greedy.. he really is eyeing like building a global empire with all the business deals he has been making.. also bts have done plenty “problematic” things themselves, though not to that extent, but some of their actions have hurt a lot of people too, but it depends on what bothers you, i find colorism and things like that a problem, but ofc definitely different thing than pedophilia and such, i just meant to say that nobody is perfect

Anonymous said:Do you ever just wanna randomly bump into bts and be like “hey lets talk!” And then tell them about all these issues and fandom drama and just tell them to wake the hell up? Cos I do haha

well even if we bumped into them, most of them wouldn’t talk to you so dkajsdka

Anonymous said:i agree with everything you have said but what bothers me is he is a co produce of produce 48 and nobody really complained about it even though he is know for sexualizing minors... or did i miss something?? also i feel sorry for you getting hate you were just saying your opinion and people should start to accept some facts! it's not the first time bighit did something questionable ://

oh but actually when that was announced there was backlash? i remember seeing complaints about the producer as well as some of the trainees due to their supposed right wing associations, there were also complaints about women’s rights cause of the oversexualization of some of the girls back in japan and the producer’s lyrics, i think this backlash seems bigger or more visible to you because it’s happening in your fandom ;; that season of produce even ended up having the lowest rankings and voting participation so :/

Anonymous said:I have three words to describe the part of the fandom that blindly accepts all the things, even the problematic ones, BTS do. 'Situationally woke cult'.

that fits perfectly

Anonymous said:i rly appreciate sou voicing your thoughts even if they r not in essay form or refined for days. I agree with you on many things but at the same time it's not as disappointing to me bc I guess I never held them to high standards. like in the beginning I could kinda imagine that they were somewhat sincere (but still remained sceptical) but the more they got famous the more I accepted that that sincerity and authenticity would stop bc that's just the kind of business that kpop is... (♤)

Anonymous said:like it's an inherently dishonest industry. they sell an image just like everyone else, and at best(!!) they were as real as possible with us in the beginning. no doubt they wanted to be different from everyone else and it was easier as long as not that many people gave a fuck about them. but as soon as they started to this chance was over. so i guess what I'm saying is that my view didn't change and I'm not surprised, because I never really bought what they were trying to sell...(♤)

Anonymous said:I still love them, theyre likeable & adorable boys. but theyre not changing the world. they're not in the right kind of industry for that. they love their luxury expensive stuff & the glamour of it all & that's okay. I just take every concept the whip out w/ a grain of salt & a knowing smile & enjoy the entertainment. that's just my own two cents that nobody in the fandom wants to hear so I'm bothering u. & its not an analysis or anything just what is on top of my mind while watching TV lol (♤)

Anonymous said:(♤) oh ps. except for that whole controversial stuff with that misogynist jpn songwriter and supreme boy and what not. I take that seriously , I wont act as if that's just a cute quirk. but they're men so I didn't expect much lmaoo. I knew that those kind of disappointments are just part of the deal ever since I learned that jimin (a whole cutie pie and my ultimate bias) stans chris brown. definitely would kick jm in the shin for that if I ever got to meet him. at least keep it to yourself lol.

haha i wish you didn’t start this with a backhanded compliment but dkajsd yeah overall i see your point and agree... i understand like if you didn’t buy into that whole spiel, then of course you can just keep on going and stanning them as idols and all that comes with that, but many people and me included sincerely thought that they were different, i have stopped stanning kpop groups for a while and got drawn back in with bts because i felt they were so fresh and unique, genuine and open with fans in comparison to other groups i have stanned.. but ofc that image crumbled as time went on.. things have changed as well... and i agree, it’s fine to enjoy it for just the entertainment and like the boys as people, accepting they are just as any other idol.. and maybe i will continue with that perspective myself!! but i honestly find it difficult having believed in it and also bighit continually selling this image to their fans despite evidence of the contrary, i can deal with idol business but like continually being blatantly lied to and then being in a fandom where most of the rhetoric is build around blindly believing it and eating anything the boys and bighit sells? it’s honestly emotionally exhausting sometimes.. but yeah.. you’re honestly right.. even with the last point lol... they are men, and korean men at that sigh.. that’s why i’m burying myself in girl groups nowadays adkjsd to heal my soul

Anonymous said:Hope you have a wonderful day filled with only good things ❤ - the cutest person in the world

thank you so so so so much! you have a wonderful day too ♥ cutie

Anonymous said:simple question, not loaded at all, no wrong answer, the honest answer is the right answer- yaddah yaddah you get it -what do you think bangtan is lying about and what exactly are you saying overall? i just need the language simplified for my 3 braincells :) if i do get what you're saying - whether the actual members of bts are real or not, their message is. "dont let anyone tell you what to do" "live your own life and not a borrowed dream" "life is a marathon, not a race - go your own pace"etc

you can read this post as well as the tags to it to see some of the examples, i mean i have been saying lots of things so i don’t know what exactly you want me to clarify? i think their message is compromised when their actions contradict it, whether it’s their actions or bighit’s is up to debate, like i was talking about in the post though, you can’t have things both ways, can’t hail the boys as woke independent kings while propagating the idea that they are just the company’s pawns at the same time, if you accept their authenticity isn’t there then ofc it’s a different argument, and the things you have listed there may be true, but isn’t is soured knowing they are just things that are said in order to sell bangtan as a product to you? to me they are

Anonymous said:I'm not gonna disagree but I like to see all the sides of a story. Bang pd is their boss, bts made a contract with him, he will ALWAYS have the last word on, well, everything they put out. We like to think that bc bts has creative freedom they can do whatever they want, well obviously they can't. Even if bts wanted to talk more about issues and not work w bad ppl, bang pd wants them to succeed, he wants to make money bc it's his business and bts is the only thing bringing money to it.

i get this argument a lot and to that i will answer again this and this, i don’t understand what your point is exactly though, so you are saying bts are pawns that have to do as they ceo says, yes and? i am criticizing the decision he has made? i’m criticizing that what he cares about the most is money? that he will stop at nothing to widen his wealth and influence? i will not support bts cooperating with vile people just because it wasn’t -completely their decision-, i’m sorry i’m really struggling to see what your point is about the other side of the story, it’s a shitty situation and if they all go through with it, it be greatly disappointing

#ask #anon #microwavehater

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mx-bebe31-blog · 6 years

Text

Vampire!Jooheon

Vampire!Jooheon AU

Warnings? Honestly none - shocker ;)

Hope you enjoy!

Jooheon, depending on what vampire you asked, could be very different from the classic troupe of his kind, or just one in the same

It was like Nosferatu and Edward Cullen - what kind of vampire was Jooheon?

He certainly didn’t think he was either of them - he was just himself

While he deeply enjoyed poetry and classical music, he also couldn’t deny how he was completely enthralled with human scent

He definitely liked a certain blood type like most vampires, and would do anything to romance someone with his craving

Though through the years, there was never quite someone who suited him,,,,

Until you,,,

He thought it was so cliche - it could have came right out of one of his poetry journals

Even when he was staring at you, all he could think of was the great sonnets he’s read and written - describing you with wondrous analogies in his lyrical brain

His mouth watered, and his fangs pricked just the surface of his lips

Love at first sight was surely true, but it had taken him quite a while to experience it

And what a way to continue this perfectly story line, other than to simply go up to you and relent into your halo of beauty

“Oh...Thank you, oh my gosh...B-But, I-I’m taken.”

Despite your words that completely ruined the smooth storyline, Jooheon still couldn’t help but smile and say that it was only a compliment, though he did wish you may have been single

And that was when Jooheon realized what jealousy and envy and frustration could do to someone - even if that someone was so versed in history he would never act in such a befuddled and petty way-

He couldn’t help it. His journals became harsh scrawls of dark lead instead of the light cursive that barely dented a page

He ripped page after page out, the heavy heart creating a new carpet for him to stomp on

Even in his bed where he used to contemplate the meaning of his life - crumpled balls of paper and snapped pencils resided in wrinkled blankets

He sought to find you again, to find more about you and why you were already whisked away by someone who wasn’t him

Though he stopped in his tracks when he saw your object of affections

And normally he would say that any couple he saw together was destined in the stardust

But he could feel the ache in his heart that torn a new wound in the envy

Now, it was just self pity and loneliness

He knew he could wait it out - he had millennia

But he knew to capture your everything you needed to be with him soon

What Jooheon did was conniving and scheming, but he couldn’t care less

He made situations for both you and your significant other

First offering you a scholarship to your dream university for your major - it was named the Lee Foundation, and you screamed at the top of your lungs when you received it in the mail after trying to save money for two years to afford a regular college

And while you, your family and friends were happy, your significant other held another letter that completely contradicted yours

“I-I’m so sorry, (Y/n)...but, but look at this! I-It’s my dream, I could finally go to South Africa and go into my field study there.”

You both mourned over the letters, reading them a million times over as you sat together at your shared apartment’s island

“You have to go. You have to - I want you to. I love your dream even more than mine, and - holy shit it’s happening already. You worked hard for that biology and zoology degree, babe...you have to take it.”

“I know you say that, but this is saying I’ll be gone for four years -”

You shook your head, smiling, “Yeah, and I just got a scholarship for four years. This can work. We can do what we love, and you know I’d visit you. With this scholarship, I can save money for plane trips. We can Skype, we can talk to each other every week.”

Your significant other agreed, and Jooheon’s plan was set in motion

By the time your school semester started, your partner had been gone for four months already. You had the whole summer alone, working a full time job in the heat to make sure you would have enough to spend christmas break together

But little did you know, the kind stranger from all that time ago appeared at the college, too. In the same major as you, and thus, in the same classes for your first semester

You had forgotten him and it was perfect. You were far away from home, you wouldn’t dare think it was the same guy.

Jooheon had a fresh start

And he waited for you to come to him. He was the A Student who was well versed in Literature - and was definitely the most popular choice for a Shakespeare group project analysis

While Lit wasn’t your favorite, or even best subject - you thought you could do well with what you had.. Even if you hadn’t made any friends yet...Something would work out, right?

“Jooheon! Would you please be my partner for this project? I’ll totally cover you for Bio!”

You blinked as you watched a flock of people surround a guy in your class

You’ve definitely seen him during the school year, but admitted he was too handsome and popular for you

But..you couldn’t deny you loved Biology, and were well versed in it because of your partner who got a degree in it...They were in Africa - anyone who asked you wouldn’t believe it if they had the paper forms.

Though while you sat down in the learning center, trying to figure out which Shakespeare piece you were going to do a report on...someone sighed and sunk into the table next to yours.

It was...Jooheon. He looked tired, and...he was alone?

You decided to ignore it, that he probably just had a partner who didn’t want to work with him today. You scrunch your brow and try to read titles upon titles of poems and sonnets this guy wrote -

You sighed, not knowing a lick about this kind of stuff - much less writing a paper on it

“Don’t know, either?” A voice nearly startled you out of your seat

It was Jooheon, and he was looking right at you

“O-Oh.” You blushed a bit, pulling your textbook forward a bit, “Not really...I’m not the best at English poems, and sonnets…”

Jooheon gave a little grin, “Well, I’m not that good at science-y stuff, so...Everyone has their talents.”

This made you smile a bit, “A-Aren’t you in my Bio class with Mr. Clary?”

He tried to hide an embarrassed chuckle, “Yeah, but I’m already at a C. That last test really brought me down. If I don’t pass this next one I’ll be in trouble.”

You shouldn’t - You didn’t want to make it seem like you were bribing him into getting you a good grade in this class -

“Well...I’m good at Bio. I-I could help you with the next test, if you wanted to. Do you live in the dorms here?” You asked politely, not caring if he helped you or not - you just wanted to be nice.

He nodded, “Yeah, on the fourth floor. Do you?”

You nodded, “Third floor.”

He went quiet a bit before rubbing the eraser of his pencil on his head, “Do you maybe...wanna work together? Like you kinda help me with Bio, and we can pair up for this project? Everyone in class kept asking me to be their partner - it’s annoying.”

You felt your face heat up again as you closed your book and pressed your hands together

“Sure. If you want. Me and my friends always have movie-study nights in the workroom on the third floor. If we study really good, we all have a pot luck and watch a movie after. Every Saturday.”

He grins, and you’re sure you’ve never seen pretty dimples in your life, but his face just shines

“Cool. So...can I get your number, then? We can meet up for when we want to work on the projects together. Maybe if we have the same class together next semester, too, we can stay study partners.”

It’s sad how fast you almost forget that you are in a relationship but you remind yourself that Jooheon is just a friend!

A really attractive,,, nice,, casual,,, friend.

You don’t know how you and Jooheon kiss in a study room in the TLC a month later

It seems that so much happened over four weeks, that you just gave into your worst desire

You hate long distance relationships, and if your partner isn’t even bothering to call once every two to three weeks, who could blame you?

Six months is all it takes for you to tell your partner that it’s best if there is a break during these years between each other. Your partner felt the same, but they were still sorry about the entire ordeal

Meanwhile you were content with getting good grades, a scholarship of your dreams, and sitting on Jooheon’s lap as he nips and sucks on you like his favorite candy

You think it’s hot when he scrapes his teeth against your skin, he knows it, too

But it seems like he’s trembling, like he’s holding back

You rub his back as he stops what he’s doing

“Are you ok, heony?” You ask softly, but his fingers curl into your skin

“Yeah..sorry, I just can’t resist you.” He breathes into your shoulder

It makes you chuckle, a bit of ego rising

“It’s been awhile - all I want is you.”

You think you know what he means by that and you smile, brushing his shoulder with your hand, “Yeah?”

“Yeah...you’re just my type.”

Before you can pull back and giggle about it, Jooheon’s arms entrap you close to his chest

He places a hot kiss right over your engorged jugular

And to Jooheon, it’s like it really is Christmas time

He sinks his fangs into you and holds you in place as you jolt from the immediate pain and foreign feeling

“O-Ow, Heon, what are you doing, did you bite me -”

His moans are louder than your small whimpers and futile attempts to leave his arms

You can feel his tongue swipe over your skin, you feel like you might be bleeding, but maybe that’s just his spit?

Jooheon waits until he’s drank just enough to leave you on the confused bridge of consciousness

He holds your weak body as he looks you in the eye with a small smile.

His feelings of unrequited love and perfect scenes of daisy fields are back in his mind

He knows he won. He has you, and he will forever remember the taste of you

And he will keep on taking, and tasting, and tempting, for as long as he liked

Until the day he could hear the words ‘I love you’ from his soulmate

________________

And that’s a wrap for my first completed AU Series! I’m excited to start the next one, but it could be seen as *controversial* but I’m going to do it anyways because I’m a sucker for darker AU’s.

Hope you enjoyed <3

-S

#monsta x #monsta x au #kpop au #jooheon #lee jooheon #vampire au #vampire #monsta x vampire au #vampire jooheon #jooheon au #monsta x jooheon

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mysamcedesmadness · 6 years

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The Book of Matthew:

01. Matt's Manhood Mainspring

In a few short weeks, summer vacation would be over and Matthew Rutherford Jr. would be going to junior high. He was excited about this. This was when his career path would start. This was when he would start shaping himself to be the best that he could be. His father had always told him that as a parent, it was always his goal to create sons better than himself and to make daughters who find men greater than himself. 11 was far too young to understand this thought process, but he’d heard it for as long, so he at least knew that it was a goal and he knew that goals took hard work.

His mother had been working on some seminars about neurological science, while his father was on a leave of absence from work to deal with some personal issues. Matt wasn’t privy to that type of information, but he knew that it had something to do with his father’s mental stability, because his mother had prescribed the man medication.

Matthew Sr. had stressful work. The entire family knew that much. The man had been a lawyer in his earlier years, joined the military and worked as a military lawyer for many years before branching out into intelligence, where he finally seemed to find his calling, and also found his wife, Margerie. But, by the time he found her, he had gone through some of the most troubling events of his career. He had access to information and stories that would haunt most people, and continued to build a normal life. He’d come from a well off family whose roots honestly began in military decorum, but the tree sprouted and seed was scattered. Most of them went into law, some into politics and some into the church business. Matthew was one of the few in many years, that actually decided that he might want to follow a military path… And it definitely had an effect on him.

Now, he was home, preparing a party for his eldest son - knowing good and well that party planning was not his area of talent. Fortunately, his 19 year old daughter had a better handle on all of the things that he would never think of. His wife would be returning home just in time enough to miss all of the planning, but to attend the gathering. The gathering was going to be 12 of the wealthiest and most influential families in the state, which Meaghan invited on clout of the Rutherford family name and sought out those with children, who may not find it strange to attend a large birthday gathering for a young boy.

Certain families, they knew to expect - The Cohens, The Robinsons, and The Haywards would all most definitely be there. Those four families had several generations of closeness between them and a few marriages, as well. Matthew Sr.’s grandfather and the grandfathers of those of his generation connected through the struggle of trying to hold on to their wealth without being destroyed by the white communities surrounding them that did not wish for Black citizens to have equal access to the same type of lifestyles. So, for a time, as they built and grew, they were each other’s main providers of various things.

Eventually, these four families ushered great changes in the black experience and even after they became an accepted part of general society - they passed down reminders. Never forget your people. They had you before the rest accepted you.

Matthew Sr. had always found the families to be a bit elitist. They made sure not to “marry down,” seeking out spouses who came from wealthy families or white or blended families - spouses that could maintain or elevate status and acceptance. A lot of them admittedly didn’t marry for love and he wasn’t about that type of life. It took him a while to get married, because he worried that his interest in Margerie was due to her family’s status in the medical field and in black history as scientific pioneers. His family loved her, despite the fact that she didn’t pass the paper bag test and he knew that it was because she was from even more money than he was from and she had stature.

But, he did fall in love with her and whenever he finally got around to asking her to marry him, she was practicing in her field, skilled enough to work wherever she wanted to and stationed in Philadelphia while he was still nearly constantly traveling for work.

Whenever she got pregnant with Meaghan, she actually picked up and settled their home in Ohio, near his family, to prove her seriousness to the commitment. She worked until she needed to take her maternity leave, then gave lectures, wrote books, and reviewed research for analysis after giving birth. Over the years, whenever she took her maternity leave, she did work that she could still do from home, and returned in whatever capacity that she could when her children were old enough for the family to comfortably transition to her working full time again.

Meaghan was 7 when Matt was born, and it was obvious enough to her that this boy was their father’s pride and joy. He had his junior and now wanted to be able to be around home more often. He went to work for the CIA, and even though he still travelled pretty regularly, he had more time to spend actually showing his face at home. Meaghan wished that she didn’t harbor any hard feelings about it, but she knew that she did. Even being close to Matt and watching over him when neither parent was around and they were left with nannying couples, she kept watch of him and all later siblings. Mark was born when Matt was 2. He was often sick, but had some of the best medical care in the world, coming from a mother who was a powerhouse in the medical field.

By the time Meaghan was 10, she was used to being a surrogate mother for two boys, and had a very nurturing spirit and kind heart, but not much direction for herself. I know, at 10 - that’s not really something that one necessarily needed to have… But, Matt somehow did. Hell, Matt had direction by the time he was 3. This party that she was planning for his 12th birthday was something that you would hold for a college graduate… Because Matt showed that much initiative and was this important to the family and their legacy.

At 19… She still didn’t even have a major. It frustrated her mother, though Margerie never gave her a hard time about it. She was more relieved that she hadn’t simply gotten pregnant and given up on college altogether. She went to community college and spent most of her free time helping to keep her siblings. She barely even had a social life, so doing this for Matt didn’t even interfere with anything that she had going on.

“Dad, I maxed out the card that I was using on Matty’s party. Requesting permission to move on to the birthday backup fund?” Meaghan said, at the doorway of Matthew’s office.

“How could you have possibly maxed out that card, Meaghan?” He asked, reaching for his wallet, with a partially amused grin. “This is getting more expensive than your Sweet 16.”

“Well… He won’t have a sweet 16, so this is kinda like his Manhood Mainspring.”

Matthew smirked and nodded his head, “I like that. I like that. Do we have time to put it on a sign?”

“Matty’s Manhood Mainspring? I can make it happen.”

“Just put Matt. He told me that ‘Matty’ sounds like a little kid.”

“He’s hardly tiptoed into puberty and already thinks he’s grown,” she chuckled and accepted the card from her father’s fingers. “Gonna have to change the cake, too then. The things we do for love…” She left the room and called behind her, “Don’t spend too much more time working, Dad. Mom tasked me with telling you to remember to relax, until she gets back from this trip.”

Meaghan also helped to raise her youngest sibling, who was born when she was 16. Miracle was named Miracle because Margerie had no idea that 16 years after her firstborn that she would actually give life to another child, and more importantly, another girl! It was slightly unfair, but Margerie and Meaghan never bonded the way that either of them wanted to. They loved each other dearly, but never had even one similarity besides loving this family. Margerie secretly hoped that she and Miracle would be able to connect more. So far, Meaghan was the one who really got that connection. The 3 year old toddler clung to her for the most part and Matty (or Matt) for the remainder.

The nannying couple wasn’t as hands on after Meaghan got old enough to help out and babysit alone, and now, Matt was old enough, too. Miracle was heavily babied. She was honestly a living princess. Margerie even sometimes took her with her on work trips! None of the other kids ever had that privilege. Now, Meaghan was taking her with her to finish up details for this party.

You may be wondering, why on Earth in this, The Book of Matthew (meaning Matt Rutherford Jr.), are we even looking at or thinking about who Matthew Sr., Margerie, Meaghan, Mark, and baby Miracle are?

Because, it was his connection to and the disconnection from his family that made him into the Matt he is today. All those years ago, he thought that he was becoming the Matt that he would be someday… He had no idea. None of them did. For the time being, they were just living their life and loving it.

The Rutherford Family was all adorned in peridot and sardonyx jewelry, accessories, etc. Gladiolus and poppies garnished the setting. A table was set and elevated above all of the others, and a roundtable was set near it, where his closest friends were seated. The rest of the guests were seated in other areas of the outside party area. The venue they rented was spacious, and the twelve families invited were all present, some of them bringing extended members and other close friends of the family - all had RSVP’d. Matt didn’t even know half of these people, but he did know that their presence meant a lot for his reputation. Matt’s Manhood Mainspring sounded… honestly corny to him, but Meggie put so much work and energy into all of this, from making sure that the August birthstones, flowers and such were included in the aesthetic, making it look like a royal feast, or something… She liked Arthurian legend and wasn’t sure if she would ever have her own children (this inspired look was likely a vicarious display of living on her part. He had friends there, so he wasn’t bothered about that.

There was more formality to the ceremony than he liked and he made his family swear that next time it would just be an enjoyable party for he and his friends. But for today there were several rich families there some of their children weren't even around his age! He'd seen toddlers and little kids, but hardly any teenagers or tweens, except for ones he didn't even really know that well - the Pierce and Fabray girls, then the Smythe dude and Motta chick… It always perplexed him when parents dragged their kids to social gatherings that held no significance to them. He hoped that he wouldn’t be expected to go to all of their birthdays! He didn’t even KNOW them!

He fortunately had friends here. Mike Chang, Anthony Rashard, and to a lesser degree Andrea Cohen and Jesse St. James. Actually, Andrea and he sometimes had to be around each other because their dads were old friends, and Jesse St. James was someone that he was interested in building a friendship with, but hadn’t yet had the opportunity. In fact… The guy brought a small entourage with him to this party. Who TF were those kids? Was that Paul Kurofsky’s son? Who was that other boy with the elongated face? Didn’t his father WORK FOR Jesse’s father? Hank… Maybe? Ugh. Why did Meggie allow this?

At any rate, after lunch and cake, everyone mingled and Matt hung out with Mike, Jesse and company. Hank Saunders was that kid’s name and Jesse made it a point to let everyone know that his family bought Hank’s party outfit. It was degrading, but he hadn’t stood up for himself, sadly. Matt felt bad for the kid. Nobody was going to ever embarrass him that way. Mike even commented, “It’s not really nice to tell people that, Man. It’s… Kinda gauche.”

Jesse wondered, “You think that’s gauche? What about this?” He pulled his eyelids back and began to make, “Bing bong, ching chong” noises, to his possee’s entertainment. Matt’s lip dropped and Mike just sighed, shook his head and left the group. Jesse called out, “Wait, Chang! I was just kidding!” He made more fake “Asian sounds.”

Dave chimed in with, “We love you long time!” And everyone immediately turned on him, “Whoa… whoa… It was a joke, like Jesse’s…”

“Yours went too far,” Jesse told him.

On that note, Matt announced, “I’m gonna circulate some more. You guys take it easy.”

Mike returned to his parents’ side, holding back rage and frustration. Anthony left with Matt, announcing, “I hate Jesse St. James.”

Matt shrugged his shoulders, “He’s alright.”

“I’m surprised he didn’t make any jokes about your parents basically paying for me to be able to be here,” Anthony commented.

“Jesse doesn’t know about that. Anthony, my family doesn’t speak about stuff like this. It’s better to help people out without some type of expectation of reward or attention. That way, if you ever find yourself in need of help, you’ve got somebody who might be willing to give it. And, I know that if I were ever in need of help, I wouldn’t want somebody just broadcasting how much I owe them… Not to say that I feel like you owe us anything. We’re friends.” Matt gave Anthony a squeeze on the shoulder.

“Speaking of friends, you think Andrea would be interested in me? She’s majorly pretty,” Anthony said. The two looked over at Andrea Cohen, dolled up in the necessary color pallette, complete with accessories, like she was part of the family, or something, and surrounded by girls that she seemed to be making laugh.

“I don’t see you liking her all that much beyond that, though. I don’t really know her like that, but her parents are super religious. Her dad is always telling mine to come back to the church for help, and her mom and my mom always seem to be competing. I think our parents dated in school or something. It’s weird.”

“Okay, but she’s hot, funny, and nice,” Anthony pointed out. “I don’t care about her parents.”

“Oh, Anthony. Poor soul. Here’s the thing, she does. We do. You see all these people that are here? They aren’t here because it’s my birthday celebration. They’re here for politics, appearances, social standing, and so on. I don’t even know Andrea that well, even though we have been at gatherings like these our whole lives together. If she dates somebody here, it’ll be one of these families that has whole tables to themselves. That’s just the way that it is around here.”

“I mean… I get that you’re all rich and popular and stuff, but I just like her as a person. She wouldn’t like me as a person?”

“What I’m trying to tell you is that it doesn’t matter whether or not she likes you as a person. She couldn’t date somebody that she can’t bring home or bring to these gatherings, even. She couldn’t date someone that other parents would call her parents, concerned about it over. She just wouldn’t be able to, whether she wanted to or not. Our parents treat us like… basically like we’re smaller versions of themselves. Our behavior and choices reflect upon the whole bloodline.”

“I get that. I’m just trying to see if she would think that I’m legit!”

“Rashard, anybody with sense and taste would love you, Man.”

“Cool. Then, I’m gonna go for it!” He rushed over to where the girls were, before Matt could say, “No, don’t!” But, moments later, they all laughed, except for a clearly embarrassed Andrea, who simply took Anthony’s hand and waved to her friends with it. Matt waited for them to come over to him and she handed Anthony’s hand to him, “I believe this belongs to you,” she said and patted Anthony on the shoulder. “Word of advice, Brother? Maybe, choose a more lowkey setting. Girls don’t like to just be put on the spot like that. At least, I don’t.”

“You handled it with beauty and grace!” Anthony said, beaming at her.

“Give me a few years, and it’ll be mase. Excuse me,” she said and returned to her friends. It took Matt a moment to realize that he and Anthony were standing there holding hands, but he grabbed his back from him and they both adjusted their clothing.

“What did you do?” Matt asked.

“I just stepped to honey dip and I said, “Excuse me, Miss Cohen. I seem to be lost. But, luckily I found an angel to guide me to paradise…” Matt turned red with secondhand embarrassment.

“You’re lucky she didn’t punch you in the face! I’ve heard that she does that!”

“Yeah, that means she’s feeling me, right?” Anthony asked.

“No. That means that she didn’t want Hannibal and Corina on the front page for their daughter punching one of the Rutherford Foundation recipients in the face at an event!”

“Hey… If I’m stepping on your toes, let me know. I want to know NOW, if you want her like I do!” Anthony insisted.

“What? No. I’m just saying… You can’t have her, so… Just leave her alone.”

“She’s gonna have to tell me to leave her alone. All she said was that I was too bold. Mike!” He began waving Mike back over and Mike came to where they were, curiously. “Ok, Mike. What do you think about me and Andrea?” To Matt he explained, “He’s not as sadidy as you.”

“I’m not as rich, either. You can’t go after the only Cohen girl. I can’t go after the only Cohen girl, and my parents are doctors!” Mike told him.

“See?”

“Look, it’s like… If she was the one whose parents were doctors and my parents were hers, then yeah. She’s a girl. She has to date up.”

“Do any of you realize that we’re kids?” Anthony asked.

“What are these ‘kids’ you speak of?” Matt asked. “Look at that sign,” he pointed to the Matt’s Manhood Mainspring banner. “Look at these guests - Judge Fabray, CEO Robinson, Representative Schuester, Buddy Freakin’ Leibowitz! We’re here for our folks to show off that they’re building the future leaders of the world. Our childhoods are training sessions to become affluent, upstanding citizens who dominate how things are done.”

“That sounds stressful. I just want to go to the roller rink and buy a girl some ice cream.”

“The roller rink? What’s that?” Mike asked, jokingly.

Matt jokingly answered, “It’s sort of like where we skate at the country club, but smaller, and open to more people.” Anthony frowned, but Matt just put an arm around him. “Don’t worry, Rashard. Me and Mike will make sure you get hooked up with the best of the best outside of this ring. You’re lucky that you don’t have to normally think about all of this stuff whenever you just want ice cream and skating.”

“I tried to bring a girl for ice cream at the country club and Jesse St. James kept insisting that I was sponsoring a charity date,” Mike said, frustrated.

Anthony fumed, “I hate him! Why don’t you guys ever challenge him?”

“Well, it’s not that simple,” Matt said. “I mean… You see how difficult dating is. We know who not to send into a tantrum.”

“Matt could easily challenge Jesse and have very little backlash,” Mike said.

Anthony cheered, “Be the champion we deserve, Matt!”

Matt shook his head, “No, Man. He’s gonna introduce me to Representative Schuester. I might be able to get a recommendation from the Schuester family with the right rapport!”

“A recommendation for what?” Anthony wondered.

Mike and Matt both said obviously, “College.”

Anthony clenched his fists and looked at the sky. There wasn’t a need to try to remind them that they were just kids and that they were ONLY about to go into junior high. Obviously, whatever level that they were on in their “training session” of childhood had them already too far gone. “I’m gonna go get more of those big ass shrimp,” Anthony said and walked off.

Jesse was approaching, so Mike said, “And I’m going wherever he’s not.”

Jesse passed by Mike and reiterated, “You should learn how to take a joke, Chang!” To Matt he admitted, “Asians take themselves way too seriously.”

“Shouldn’t we all, though?” Matt asked.

“Ugh. Don’t you start, Rutherford. Come on, Preston and Will want to meet you. They’re trying to see what the big deal is supposed to be.” Matt shook hands for the first time with Representative Preston Schuester and his son, ADA Will Schuester when he turned 12.

You know how you never know just how much somebody is going to change your life when you first meet them? Matt didn’t have that problem, typically. Even at 12, he could always just sense when someone’s presence would make an impact. He didn’t waste his time on people if he didn’t feel that when he met them. And with the Schuesters, he wasn’t sure what the future held, but something told him that not only the Schuesters, but Jesse St. James were all going to be large components of change in his future.

#The Book of Matthew #AU Glee Fanfiction #Matt Rutherford #LusciousNesha #The Eye Series #links

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beckettsthoughts · 7 years

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Poetry

Poetry: If you have one, name a favourite book or poem.

This is the best question, I love poetry so much and I have some definite favourites. I also have couple of favourite books, or at least books I love with all my heart and will always recommend, so I’ll note those at the end. I apologise for this taking a while, but there’s no way I could go short on this one. No way whatsoever. I really needed a distraction and I felt like this was the kind of ask I could drag out into an essay-length epic of rambling about literature, so I hope you don’t mind that I kind of took this and ran with it.

I read it in your word, and learn it from, by Rainer Maria Rilke

This is my favourite poem from Rilke’s collection Poems from the Book of Hours, a book I bought several years ago from an adorable little shop in Paris. “I read it in your word, and learn it from/ the history of the gestures of your warm/ wise hands,” this poem so perfectly describes a feeling I cannot otherwise put into words. Something like listening to a person and understanding them, learning from them and appreciating them.

The Yellow Palm, by Robert Minhinnick

I studied this poem for GCSE, which by all rights should mean I hate it. Instead, this poem has become one of my favourites. With rich sensory description and a complex emotional impact, this ballad describes Minhinnick’s experiences walking the streets of Baghdad in the late 1990s. It’s political in a more subtle way than some, but you can truly empathise with both the people the poet describes and the poet himself. It stuck in my head for a long time after I first read it.

Litany in Which Certain Things Are Crossed Out, by Richard Siken

I have not read that much of Siken’s work. I have read this and maybe one or two others, so I cannot claim to know much about Siken. This poem, however, really caught my heart when I discovered it some years ago and it has not released it since. Siken’s writing is captivating, in all honesty, and the structure of the poem is nothing short of genius. It’s an analysis, a musing, a conversation, a letter and a lesson. I could possibly talk about this poem for hours.

The Lost Leader, by Robert Browning

This is another of the poems I studied at school, this one for my A Level course. Again, my reaction to school-sanctioned texts was not so typical, because my teacher’s enthusiasm netted me and Browning is now one of my favourite poets. The Lost Leader is actually not so typical for Browning, definitely the most unique from the collection we studied, and I love it as much for the political and social context as I do for the phrasing and the rhythm. This poem is, in all honesty, Browning grousing about Wordsworth for selling out to the monarchy and betraying the liberal cause. “Just for a handful of silver he left us/ Just for a riband to stick in his coat.” It’s like the Romance poets’ equivalent of a modern day celebrity Twitter feud, complete with name-dropping and petty accusations.

Dulce et Decorum Est, by Wilfred Owen

Okay, I know this is another typical school poem, but I didn’t actually cover this one in any of my English classes. Not even when we had an entire year studying war and conflict poems. No, this poem has entered my consciousness many times over the years and eventually it stuck, as poems seem wont to do. This poem is a scathing criticism of political attitudes to conflict and the glorification of war. The brutal descriptions and imagery are drawn from Owen’s own experiences, and the honesty behind it is one of the reasons this poem is as powerful as it is. The last line refers to a famous phrase, “Dulce et decorum est/ Pro patria mori”, meaning ‘it is sweet and honorable to die for one’s country’, as “the old Lie”; arguing against the perception of war as a noble thing and instead highlighting the cruelty and brutality instead. This poem is revolutionary, and it changed many people’s attitudes towards war, and that is why I love it as much as I do.

The Laboratory, by Robert Browning

And another one from Browning, another one I studied in school. This is one of a group my class dubbed ‘the murder poems’ and for good reason, as this poem details one woman’s plans to poison her ex-lover and his new paramour in the setting of the aristocratic, feudal Ancien Régime of France. It’s written in iambic pentameter, making the rhythm deceptively bouncy and upbeat compared to the subject matter, and the descriptive language is just luscious. The narrator describes the poisons in the laboratory with such fervour, the “gold oozings” and “exquisite blue”, and her wicked excitement about it all is what drives that fast rhythm. It’s hard not to enjoy this poem, honestly.

Angel with a Fiddle, by Bette Wolf Duncan

This is probably the most obscure of the poems I’m talking about, as I have only seen it on one website and even that’s unreachable now. For that reason I considered leaving it off the list, because it’s kind of torturous to describe it without you having any real way of finding it, but I’m going to talk about it anyway. This poem is really what drove my love of folk poetry, not so much because it is a folk poem but instead because the language used is so damn good at evoking the feeling of a folk poem. “Tall n’ lean n’ lanky,/ With a fiddle neath his chin…/ The days weren’t quite so cruel/ When he played his violin.” As a violinist and lover of folk poetry, this just calls to me. It has an air of mystique about it which I love, but it’s just such a sweet little verse. I hope it can find it properly again, some day.

Special shout-outs go to the many poems of Leonard Cohen, all of which I love but could not choose a favourite from; the poems of Pablo Neruda, all of which make my heart ache in the best way, and also to any and all of the comedy poems I grew up hearing and loving. That includes the works of Hillaire Belloc, The Kings Breakfast and other assorted works of A.A. Milne, and T.S. Elliot’s Book of Practical Cats. I really do love poetry.

Now, onto books:

The Raven Cycle, by Maggie Stiefvater

This is just the perfect fantasy series for me. Every character seems so genuine and so alive, fitting into this epic of magic and wonder and just plain weirdness. It’s hard to believe that every character in an ensemble cast could be quite so endearing, but it’s one of the reasons this book tops my favourite fantasy list and my favourite Y.A. list. There’s humour, there’s magic, there’s mystery and there’s relationships. I love it.

The Ocean at the End of the Lane, by Neil Gaiman

This book is kinda scary. Moreso to adults than children, I think. I first read it the year it was released, in my early teens, and I’ve made it a mission to read it every now and then just to see how differently I interpret it each time. This is one of the few instances I’ve enjoyed a child narrator outside of a childrens’ book. It doesn’t come across as cheesy or dumbed-down, but it’s still appropriately and realistically naive. The magic and surrealist horror elements are very well-handled, and it captures a very genuine feeling of childhood curiosity. This is the kind of book I wish I could write.

Gray, by Pete Wentz (and James Montgomery)

I almost cheated and put this in the poetry section, because the language in this book is so beautifully poetic that it may as well be there. But no, this is a semi-autobiographical novel, a favourite genre of mine, and so I will write about it here. This book is very honest and brutal experience of mental illness and how that impacts your sense of self and relationships with others. It must have made me cry at least twenty times. It hurts, it hurts so hard, but I feel like recommending it anyway because I think it’s a good book for when you want to understand things and understand people. One of the reasons I love it, actually, is that it’s so rare to read something so introspective without it coming across as self-centred, but I came away from this book feeling like I understood Pete Wentz as a person way more than I could from any other media.

Good Omens, by Neil Gaiman and Terry Pratchett

Lastly, a book I love for having the best humour and characters I can imagine, is Good Omens. Anyone who knows me outside of the internet knows how much I love this book. If anyone mentions anything even tangentially related to Good Omens or any topics or themes within Good Omens, I will talk about it. For a long time. Until I am situationally and circumstantially forced to stop talking about it. I raved about it enough to convince my best friend to read it and now, now he loves it just as much and we can rant about how good it is together. I would recommend this to anyone, regardless of what you usually read or don’t read, because I guarantee that at least 90% of people will love it.

Anyway, thank you for making it all the way to the end of this, I had a lot of fun writing it and distracting myself from what has otherwise been a downright awful day. Thank you so much for sending me this question, and once again I apologise for going so completely overboard. Thank you

#b replies #rambling again

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pussymagicuniverse · 5 years

Text

my top 5 mac ‘n’ cheese movies

what is a ‘mac ‘n’ cheese’ movie, you might be wondering?

these are the movies that always make you feel good. they don’t need to necessarily be “feel good” films. not all of mine are. these are the movies that you could always put on your Netflix at home (granted it’s on there), always put in the DVD (if you even have any) player, or always leave on while you’re channel surfing (if that’s even a thing you do these days). these are the movies that are “comforting” background noise or movies you never get sick of, no matter how many times you’ve seen them. these are the movies that, if you live alone, will make you feel like you have friends with you. these are the movies that, if you’re feeling alone, will bring solace to your loneliness.

these do NOT have to be:

award-worthy

“good” films

from any specific genre or decade

popular

simply, these are the films that somehow, your spirit is comforted by their essence. maybe through memory, or sound, or childhood… it doesn’t matter. just having these on in the background is soothing to my soul. we can pay attention, or not. we can be cleaning, doing the dishes, working, etc. and it just FEELS GOOD to have them on in the background.

the following movies are my film mac ‘n’ cheese, in no special order.

•

Clueless (1995)

“Searching for a boy in high school is as useless as searching for meaning in a Pauly Shore movie.”

i said no special order, but of course, i’m going to put Clueless, the beloved classic, first.

Clueless has always been my go-to “favorite” movie. not to age myself or anything, but yes, even before it was “cool.” i’m a ‘90s kid, and my first memories of this movie are watching it at my aunt’s house when she’d babysit me when my dad worked weekends. i was actually 5-6 years old when it came out, so it was ingrained in me very young, for better or worse.

speaking of better or worse, i know that everyone now loves to bring up the weird fact that *spoiler alert* Cher ends up with her ex-step-brother, Josh… but i didn’t say these mac ‘n’ cheese movies had to be perfect. so even though now i watch with a tiny tinge of ‘ew?’ in my brain, i allow timeless Paul-Rudd-dreaminess to wash away all of the potential ickiness that somewhat does not make sense.

and please note that i am not excusing step-cest because the general thought of that is very, very ew and evokes quite a visceral response from my entire being.

(did you like how i said that last sentence in my best Cher voice?)

also speaking of better or worse, because i also grew up thinking that i would find the love of my life by not realizing i loved them at all or pretending i didn’t know i loved them at all until ONE DAY i would be standing by a fountain after a therapeutic shopping spree like, ‘WAIT… I LOVE THEM. AND THEY LOVE ME TOO?!’ be careful what you wish for, kids. it can happen… and not always how you want it to.

regardless of all this negative-sounding analysis, i have always loved this movie and i’m certain i always will.

Scream (1996)

“my parents are gonna be so mad at me!”

my favorite part about this choice is that my friend deemed it a “hot take,” and i will die on that hill if i have to.

Scream is one of my favorite horror films. firstly, this movie is not typical horror. sure, it’s horrific at times… mostly in the opening scene, whereafter it becomes more of a (highly witty) teen comedy with (a lot of) murder. i think while true horror fans can appreciate the merits of Scream, what it did for the genre, and Wes Craven’s meta expertise, and also agree that it’s “not scary.”

if someone could have The Exorcist, or, for a more modern reference, Hereditary and just have it on any time, i’m not sure i could subscribe to that. but Scream is (thankfully) not either of those movies. it’s horror lite for ‘90s kids like me who, at times, revel in their teen ‘90s nostalgia. although, i have to say, i have seen someone recoil just at the mention of such a mild horror film. and i thought i was a weakling in horror. however, now that i’ve seen Hereditary (AND SURVIVED!), i feel like i can handle most things, though i am fairly certain i will not test those waters.

not to mention:

Dirty Dancing (1987)

“You Just Put Your Pickle On Everybody's Plate, College Boy, And Leave The Hard Stuff To Me.”

A CLASSIC! i’ll save most of my opinions for another piece i’m writing, but here’s the take: this movie is classic, heartfelt, funny, meaningful, political in mostly the right places (it doesn’t focus on everything), and babealicious in all the right places (Patrick Swayze, Cynthia Rhodes who plays Penny, Jennifer Garner, hello––a triad we’d all love to see if the movie had gone THAT progressive––but then it never would’ve been made. it already had a hard enough time, let’s not get carried away).

so far you can probably sense the ongoing theme in my choices: the air of nostalgia. film geeks and those who just heard Stan’s spiel on VHS in I Am Not Okay With This on Netflix will understand. while i’m not watching these movies on VHS, there is something about the feeling of these films. and i’d argue that everyone has favorite movies that pertain to their tastes and interests that fall under this physical sensation of 20th-century film. i’m not nostalgic for the time itself, i don’t need to relive the decades (don’t we daily? in our pop culture, in our fashion, everything)… it’s just that these films are comforting for very personal reasons that have nothing to do with the rest of the world. which is why your mac ‘n’ cheese list will look very differently from mine. it’s kind of unexplainable.

in 8th grade, i watched this movie every day after school because my friend just had to. she was obsessed. years later, we feel the same about this movie. it has this summery vibe to it. i guess there’s something about summer, and something about fall that both tug at my sensibilities in film and literature… the way they’re shown or described. it can be kinda magical. Dirty Dancing does this for me. this scene brings me to tears often.

Moana (2017)

“There is nowhere you could go that I won't be with you.”

stepping out of nostalgia (it’s a relief, honestly), we have my favorite Disney cartoon of the twenty-teens. Coco is up there, but Moana is something else (for me). one day i will also write more in detail about the beauty of this film and what it means to me, but maybe that’s not for me to write.

Moana is about a young woman who is set to become the next chief of her Hawaiian island. but as she grapples with that path for her life, a crisis descends. Moana ends up having to save her family’s island (and the world, essentially, because this curse/disease would spread far beyond their home) from destruction because of the demigod, Maui, who robbed the heart, a glowing lime stone, from Goddes Te Fiti, who kept life flourishing and abundant. it can easily function as an allegory for global warming as well as some other things i may get into another time… but it is so much more than that. it makes me cry nearly every time i watch. i deeply resonate with Moana needing to carve out a way for herself that her family (specifically, her father) might not agree with, but she has to do anyway for her ancestors and her own spirit.

between her sweet and sentimental relationship with her grandmother, the call of her ancestors, and the courageous anthem, “How Far I’ll Go,” that she sings throughout the film––it is not only beyond precious and meaningful, an homage to the feminine, but also doused with humor throughout. i literally feel my heart swell when i watch this and it’s a movie of self-care for my inner child. i can’t fully explain the connection i feel to this film but i know that i very much wish i had this film when i was an actual child! and i can’t wait to show it to my future children. especially my daughter(s).

and last but not least…

10 Things I Hate About You (1999)

“What is it with this chick, she have beer flavored nipples?”

it was SO HARD for me to choose one 5th film. i mulled about it for weeks. but this one is a classic i could never tire of. it was the perfect movie to tie up the ‘90s.

10 Things, ah yes, the story of two sisters on their high school dating (or not) journeys. this movie is hilarious and very cleverly derived and adapted from a Shakespeare story: The Taming of the Shrew (which they reference in the film, and i love that they do because i’m a reference nerd), while, fun fact (i’m also a fun fact nerd, i’ve recently discovered)!: Clueless was derived from Jane Austen’s, Emma.

besides Julia Stiles as Kat being a powerful and perhaps overly-feminist voice of her generation (hey, it really worked for the ‘90s) and Andrew Keegan who plays Joey “eat me” Donner mocking a large chunk of his, we also have Joseph Gordon Levitt as the lovable boy next door, Heath Ledger as the bad boy, Patrick Verona which, sidebar: isn’t that name totally sexy? (who’s character is surprisingly funny under his straight-faced guise), and the character i think is potentially the funniest AND most overlooked: David Krumholtz as Michael. but David K. tends to get overlooked a lot, doesn’t he? unless you want to throw Larry Miller as funniest character competition playing Kat and Bianca’s dad, because he is also perfectly on point with the dad jokes and over-the-top push for celibacy, which really does carry the plot of this film. not to mention their English teacher, who is hilarious and real.

this movie is back-to-back laughs to me. it can be subtle and it can be direct. it’s just all around well done. if you haven’t seen it, i highly recommend. between the cast, the writing, the soundtrack even… it’s a beloved comedy classic. its humor outlasts its decade (despite some stuff that probably wouldn’t make the script nowadays) and its heartwarming moments carry it through to being a genuine film. while this film doesn’t garner the attention of some other ‘90s teen comedies, like Can’t Hardly Wait, or She’s All That, i do believe it is more deserving.

besides, they gave us THIS EVERGREEN GIFT?!

Honorable Mentions (or where i expose my johnny depp obsession that has only mostly subsided):

Valley Girl (1983) - another one that i love so dearly in my heart… look out for another article about this one!

Blow (2001)

Pirates of the Caribbean: Curse of the Black Pearl (2003) – it’s an understatement to say i was obsessed with this film when it came out.

Black Snake Moan (2006)

Pulp Fiction (1994)

Ed Wood (1994) – if you haven’t seen this movie and want to see Tim Burton with genuine talent, watch. Johnny Depp should’ve been nominated for an Oscar, or at least a Golden Globe, for his portrayal of the disgraced movie director, Ed Wood.

Or any very old Disney cartoon: Cinderella, Sleeping Beauty, The Rescuers, Jungle Book, Robin Hood - for some examples.

tell me, Soulbabes… what are YOUR mac ‘n’ cheese movies?

comment below or tweet us @pvssymagic or tweet ME @samantharosej!

The Creatrix and Editor in Chief of Pussy Magic, sam is a writer/editor originally from the Bay Area. Her work outside of writing revolves around the merging of spirituality and wellness to foster community, raw self-expression, and holistic healing to honoring our sacred selves: mind, body, and spirit.

sam is the author of L’ACQUA (2017), the columnist of Sacred Wild Exile at Pussy Magic, the host of Satin Soulbits, a limited-series podcast focused on womxnhood and sexuality, and editor of the Satin Soulbits Blog. Her writing has been featured in The Sonnetarium @ Rhythm & Bones, Occulum, ILY Mag, Rose Quartz Magazine, Tiny Flames Press, and more. sam offers Sacred Serpent Writing + Healing sessions to bring people more intimacy with themselves and their writing which you can find more info about on her website. She currently resides in Los Angeles with her partner and plant babies.

Find more about sam, her writing, and her offerings on her website and follow her #soulbits on Instagram.

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