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#how am I supposed to get better at thinking good!!!
Ok I just saw your Vamp!Rhys brain rot headcanons post and I'm letting you know right now if you do not develop them into full blown chapters for Vamp!Rhys I'll literally sue for emotional damages ok thank you <3
lol I suppose I can make that happen ;)
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Ancient Recipes
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The bed is, surprisingly, empty when you awaken, the last rays of evening light filtering in through a crack in the curtains. Your hands brush absently through the cold sheets as if they could tell you where he’d disappeared off to. He’s not usually up this early.
With a yawn, you slide out of bed and yank on one of his discarded shirts, leaving the silky button down open down the middle in a half-hearted attempt at decency before padding off in search of him. 
The library and game room is empty, the curtains pulled tight, the air a little stuffy. You can hear Cassian snoring from behind his closed door and a tendril of shadow still guard’s Azriel’s door handle, telling you that he’s not off with either of them this early.
Eventually, you find yourself wandering down into the kitchen, expecting it to be empty too, but figuring it’s worth a shot. You’re surprised to find Rhys bent over the stove, shirtless, sleep pants slung low over his hips as he carefully chops a mix of vegetables. His ears twitch as you walk towards him, a sure sign that he hears your approach. 
“You’re supposed to be sleeping,” he says without turning. You can hear the pout in his voice without seeing the purse of those full lips you love so much.
“Missed you,” you say as you slide your arms around his waist and bury your head between his shoulder blades.
He sets the knife down long enough to run a hand over where yours hold his waist. “I was coming right back.”
You place a kiss against his spine before leaning around him to get a better view of what he’s doing. “I didn’t know you could cook?”
“I am a thousand years old, Darling,” he purrs. “That’s a long time to not learn how to prepare a meal.”
There’s an old, hand written book propped up against the stone wall, the swirling script fading under the cruel hands of time in a language long forgotten. The pages are brittle and yellow now, the date written in the corner nearly illegible. 
“What are you making?”
Skilled hands throw in diced vegetables and dried herbs into a pot simmering with some sort of red sauce. “Something my mother used to make me,” he says softly. “These are her recipes.”
Your chest tightens. He’d told you about the hunters that had killed his mother and sister not long after that night when those hunters had come for you. He’d, understandably, been on edge since, the encounter bringing up a lot of old memories he hadn’t touched. It’s little surprise that he would try and find some solace here.
“Smells good,” you say. 
He twists and pulls you in front of him, so you can watch as he works. “Can’t find all the right ingredients,” he frowns. “Some of these spices have been lost to time. I think these will work instead. Hopefully.”
Rhys dips a wooden spoon into the bubbling liquid and brings it to your lips, “Try this for me?”
You give it a second to cool before taking a taste, the mixture both earthy and spicy, but deliciously warm. “It’s good!”
“Yes, but is it right?” He insists.
You tilt your head up to look at him, brows raised, “How would I know, Rhysand? By the sound of it, most of the things you’re missing were lost to the world before my parents were even born.”
You think if he was capable of it he might have blushed against the mistake. Instead, he kisses the top of your head. “I suppose I could ask Az.” He licks a bit of the mixture, frowning as he goes, before putting the spoon directly back into the pot. Apparently a key ingredient in ancient recipes is a little bit of saliva. 
A moment later, the shadowy vampire emerges, summoned for this oh so important errand. Azriel’s dark hair is sleep tousled, shadows swirling lazily around his bare shoulders. Any other morning with the two males looking like this you would have climbed them like a tree, but this morning is apparently for other things, as Rhys nearly flings the spoon in Azriel’s direction. 
“What am I missing?” He demands.
Az takes a taste and spits it into the sink. “What did you do?!” He all but shoves the two of you out of the way to reach for the spice rack in the cupboards above your head. “Your mother would have beat you with that spoon.”
“I know!” Rhys huffs. “What did I forget?”
Azriel starts opening old jars of dried herbs and adding them into the pot. “Egg and thyme for one thing, dumbass.”
Rhys grabs the book off the counter and looks more closely at the recipe, keeping one arm around your shoulders to have you close even so. “Oh, yeah I did forget the egg.”
Azriel cracks four of them into the mixture, before throwing in more herbs. “You’re cooking it too high too.”
Rhys brushes his lips over your hair. “Wanted to bring it to you in bed before you woke up.”
You twist and lean up on your toes to give him a proper good morning kiss. “I would have loved it anyway.”
“Human taste buds are disgusting,” Azriel huffs.
You hear Cassian’s footsteps before you see the half-awake vampire stumble into the kitchen. “Are we cooking what I think we are?”
“Not if Rhys has anything to do with it,” Azriel huffs.
“It was for Y/N!” Rhys returns. “I didn’t make enough for everyone.”
“But she’s so good at sharing,” Cassian says with a wink, his sleep thick voice enough to make heat pool between your legs. 
Rhys lifts you up and places you on the counter, beside where Azriel still chops more ingredients, so he can kiss you deeper this time. “Mine.” 
“Not with your cooking she’s not,” Azriel quips. 
Cassian tuts as he comes over to Azriel’s other side and dips a finger into the now simmering pot. Azriel smacks his hand with the back of the wooden spoon and Rhys hisses, fangs glinting in the candlelight.
“How are you supposed to take care of the little human if you can’t even cook her a decent meal?” He brings his fingers to his mouth for a taste, then frowns. “Do neither of you own any peppers at all? What is this, baby food?”
“I added the aleppo, just as the recipe said!” Rhys retorts. 
“You definitely didn’t! Your mother never made anything this bland!” Cassian insists.
“I’m following the recipe!”
Azriel snatches the book, scarred hands thumbing quickly through the pages. “I remember it being spicier.”
Rhys frowns. “Maybe we’re thinking of that other recipe she used to make?”
“No that one was for dinner,” Cassian returns. “I definitely remember a spicy breakfast dish. Especially on cold winter mornings.”
“He’s right,” Azriel chimes in, eyes still glued to the pages. 
“I mean, our tastes did change when we turned, maybe we’re the problem?” Cassian asks, running a hand over his face in thought. 
“Your tastes change when you turn?” You ask.
“A little,” Rhys says with a frown, violet eyes on the dish. “Maybe you’re right, Cass. Did you think it was spicy, Darling?” 
“A little,” you reply. “It could use more, I think, but again, I’ve never tried it before so I’m not exactly an expert.”
Cass peers into the pot. “It looks right.”
Azriel sets the book back on the counter with nothing short of reverence. “Guess it is us.”
Rhys’s face falls, it’s like watching him lose a piece of the past. You take his face in your hands and kiss the tip of his nose. “I think any mother would be proud to know that you loved something so much that you put all this effort into sharing it, whether is tastes the same or not.”
His grin is soft, like the kiss he plants on your lips, taking his time to pull out of it.
“Thank you for sharing a piece of you with me,” you say.
Azriel scoops it up into four small portions, the wooden dishes old and reminiscent of a time long passed. Not the formal dining ware they bring out at parties, but a little piece of home that managed to survive the passage of time. 
It’s delicious, Az had been right about needing the egg and thyme, it brings a more rounded flavor to the dish. But it would have been equally fine if Rhys had brought the first attempt to you in bed, simply because he loved you enough to try and make something for you even when he could not fully enjoy it himself. It tastes all the better because it’s something the four of you can share, can make new memories out of. You certainly will not forget it, not even in the coming change of your mortality. 
“Well now you’ve got me curious for what other ancient recipes you’ve been hiding,” you say as the meal comes to a close. 
“You make us sound like we’re old as dirt,” Cassian huffs. 
You wink up at Rhys as he kisses your temple. “A thousand years is a long time. What else can you make for me?”
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pastadoughie · 2 days
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i dont know how to say it or what to even do at this point
i am in an abusive housing situation. witch isnt really new info nor something i talk about often. i have learned to deal w/ shit on my own overtime, aswell as my situation getting slightly better with my distancing from certain family members. but its still bad.
my mother & my brother are both extremely abusive, my brother is phisically abusive, and my mother is a pedophile. they are the only other familial ties i have aside from my dad, and they obviously arent viable and would be worse for me.
my dad is my best option in terms of family and the only person i live with currently. when hes drunk he can be actively cruel & abusive, regularly threatening sexual abuse via forfeiting custody of me to my mother. but im still semi able to reason with him while he isnt drunk. most the times hes simply neglectful, witch is preferable to the alternative atleast. & can somewhat be manipulated into caring about me, or at the very least signing & agreeing to things if i do all of the other legwork
i have a disability of some sort, i have alot of theories but overall doctors refuse to properly test me. i smoke so, they just blame every single issue i have on that & dont listen to ANY of my concerns. somewhat similar to pots in terms of symtoms. i just call it "the slop", this sortof sludge that clouds all my thoughts and everything i do. when it gets bad i cant move properly, often knocking things over, completely losing my train of thought. it can be really hard to have conversations with me, i spend alot of time being silent, keep repeating the same simple few words, dont really listen properly. i can sometimes spend hours just staring off into space. it gets better when im laying down, but sometimes not even that helps. it takes a certain kind of determination to get literally anything done. witch is really hard given my lack of any kind of support.
if i am not extremely ontop of things, if i cant force myself to do things through the slop, then i end up getting into these sludge spirals. i dont eat. i dont drink. i just lay in bed. you get so dizzy and your mouth gets so dry, and so hungry, and the slop is just unbarable. not even really existing as a person, sleeping 18 hours a day, sort of halfheartedly & extremely badly trying to do basic tasks, like eating or drinking, and then after 4 hours i just. go back to sleep. its unbarable & dehumanizing. & its not like i have anybody that can help me. i explain this to people and then they always make suggestions on how to manage it that requires another person to help, and then they never listen when i say i do not have anybody.
i need to get some kind of treatment and i need to get some kind of testing, but doing so requires so much work so many phone calls so much effort that i HAVE to do on my own, that i just. dont have the energy for. its not that im intellectually or phisically incapable i just, im just always in slop. its just always a barrier i have to work around. and the fact that just. the entire fucking medical system is so rotten to the core w/ incompetance & malice twards queer and disabled people means that its just.. so hard to get anything done at all for treatment.
and beyond the fact i have to get meds, i also really need to work on moving out. while i dont think my dad would realistically kick me out until im 18, as that would require actually doing paperwork. i dont trust him to be nice to me beyond that point.
and incase i need to say this to some sheltered fuck who does not understand this. no i cannot go to dcs. i have dealt with dcs my entire life. dcs is not an organization made to help people. it never HAS been. any good they do is incedental. they are at their core a government organization that is supposed to sound good. they do not help children. my tharapist submitted a dcs report about my brother trying to kill me back in december, and i had a dcs worker come to my door and start defending pedophilia to me. every single encounter i have had with dcs has eaither done nothing or actively been harmful to me in having a dcs worker actively encorage my families various abusive behavior.
in summery, i need some kind of help figuring out a way to. deal with everything. ideally something that would help me with practical stuff like medical paperwork, scedualling appointments, that stuff. ideally focused on & or primarily targeted to queer autists in the 16 to mid 20s range of ages. and also that is within arizona. most of the stuff ive been reccomending is stuff like housing and independant living programs, witch while helpful what im looking for is primarily medical help & that is centered around more chronic issues & disabilities that like, need more testing & such to be diagnosed, and not really in the vein of teaching me how to do appointments & such, i know how. i just. am not super good at functioning in general.
dont dm me saying "oh im always here if u wanna talk!!" thats weird. i dont know you.
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kirain · 1 day
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Astarion frowned as he and Tav entered the modest boutique. It was small, but clean; organised. It had an almost rustic charm to it, featuring large windows adorned with delicate lace curtains, which were tied back just enough to let the sun shine through. That was appreciated, as Astarion had grown weary of the dark.
He said nothing as his cheery companion scanned the outfits on the walls, cupping her chin as she considered and rejected each one. Carefully curated as they were, she seemed to be looking for something specific. The soft beams accentuated racks of unique frocks, hand-knitted sweaters, and artisanal jewelry, but she passed them all by.
Why did she bring me to this rundown shack?
Astarion huffed. Has she noticed how old my clothes are? No, she's not that perceptive.
His eyes widened as her finger suddenly pointed at some lingerie behind the shopkeeper's counter. His heart sank.
Of course ... she wants to dress me in something risqué. Expose my body. Why am I not surprised? There's nothing more "sexy" than a vampire, after all. He bit the tip of his thumb, feigning indifference. So in the end, she's just like all the others. A horny, selfish little—!
"No, no! Not that!" she laughed. "The one beside it."
Astarion flinched, trying to hide his shock as the shopkeeper passed her a plain ashmeadow outfit. It wasn't particularly bright or stylish, but the pattern was subtle, casually elegant, and paired with lightweight trousers, likely designed to ease movement.
"What do you think?" she asked, unfolding the pieces for a better view. "Doesn't it look nice and comfy?"
Astarion hesitated. His eyes narrowed as he scrutinised every inch. Overall, the outfit was dull, at least compared to his usual garb, but pleasant in all the ways that mattered. It wouldn't grab attention, but it wasn't hideous. It wouldn't make a spectacle of his body, but it would complement his figure, his hair, his eyes. For one brief moment, he felt oddly respected, but he quickly recoiled in mistrust.
Is this a trick?
He quickly waved at the suggestion, bidding the shopkeeper to take the outfit away, but Tav clung to it, staying his hand.
"Wait, what's wrong with it? You don't like it?"
"I appreciate your confidence in me, darling, but I don't think even I could make that dreary ensemble look good. That's something you'd see a pig farmer wearing." He gave her a seductive grin. "Surely you'd like to see me in something more ... exotic."
Disgusting, but I need her protection. Just fuck me, already. Get it over with. Why the song and dance? Why the charade? Am I not being forward enough? Perhaps I should should try the 'lonely bachelor' angle. That tends to work on sensitive women like this.
Tav raised a brow, her confusion genuine, but Astarion didn't believe it. He couldn't.
"No, I just think this suits you," she said.
Astarion scoffed, thrown by her sincerity. There was no hint of sarcasm or trickery in her tone. No indication that she was fulfilling some mundane kink by picking such an outfit. But it didn't make sense. He hadn't been particularly kind to her, and he was only good for one thing: sex. Surely that's what she was after.
"Did you not hear what I said?" he snapped. "That's something a pig farmer—"
"What's wrong with being a pig farmer?" she argued. "They work hard, live free, and dress for comfort."
"And I'll have you know, that outfit is not for farming," the shopkeeper added, visibly offended. "I mean, I suppose you could. It's certainly durable, but it's more for ... sophisticated roving."
"There you go," Tav giggled, harmlessly. "Don't you want to be a 'sophisticated rover', Astarion?"
He pulled back defensively, pursing his lips to hide his fangs. They live free? Dress for comfort? As if I ever had such a choice. She has no idea! His fingers curled into a fist.
"Are you ... mocking me? Is that what this is?"
Am I just a toy to you?! A doll to be dressed up to your liking?!
The air around him felt charged, a palpable tension that made it difficult to breathe. A deep red flush spread across his neck, creeping up towards his pale face. The anger was sudden, but uncontrollable, and he didn't know why.
Calm down, you fool. This is nothing. You've been through worse. He screamed internally. So then, why does it hurt more than usual? Why is it worse when it's her?! I ... I don't want her to see me this way, but I know she does! Who wouldn't?!
"Mocking you?" Tav asked, breaking the silence.
She tilted her head, the simple act pulling Astarion from is raging stupor. Her eyes were innocent, unassuming. And of course they were—he hadn't yet told her the truth about Cazador. The details. The depravity.
Hold on. Is this ... real?
"What are you saying?" she peeped. "I brought you here because of how worn out your clothes are." She pointed at the seams of his waistcoat. "Thin with crooked replacement stitches. I always see you fiddling with them."
Astarion's throat tightened. So she did notice. He tried not to blush.
"I'm sorry if that came off the wrong way. I wasn't trying to insult your clothes, I just thought you might like something new."
"I ... see."
"If you don't like the black and white..." She smiled and gestured to the shopkeeper. "We can order something with colour. Do you take commissions? Can my friend here make alterations?"
Friend?
"He can. And we do indeed sew to order, but it might take a while. I'm down a seamstress this month."
Astarion paused, their voices fading. He looked down at the sleeved tunic and accompanying vest that Tav held close to her chest. It was thick, surprisingly well crafted, and more fashionable than he initially dared to admit. For a moment, he felt his unbeating heart flutter. New clothes. A whole outfit, just for him. He'd forgotten what that felt like. What shopping for anything other than a victim for Cazador felt like.
Against his better judgement, he reached out and rubbed the material between his fingers. Twill. Handcrafted. Warm. He felt a tingle as he realised Tav didn't choose that outfit at random. She'd put a lot of thought into it.
"I want this one."
"Sorry?" Tav said, glancing up at him.
"This outfit." He tugged at the sleeve, gently. "I want this one."
She smiled. "Are you sure? You didn't seem overly thrilled about it a second ago."
"Tch! Well, I changed my mind," he hissed. "What can I say?" His eyes softened. "It's grown on me. Just like your ... annoyingly infectious positivity."
"Alright, alright," she laughed, ignoring his jibe. "Can you ring this up, sir?"
Astarion's back stiffened as she reached for her coin purse. Money, right. That hadn't crossed his mind. As horrible as Cazador was, everything was provided. When allowed to sleep on a bed, it was there. When Cazador's guests wanted wine, it was there. Anything needed to rope in victims was given. He hadn't had to buy anything in nearly two hundred years.
"Wait, I—"
"It's no problem," Tav said, sensing his conflict. "I'm happy to do this."
"But..." He frowned, crossing his arms. "Well, don't expect anything back. If that's what you're after, you're going to be sorely disappointed."
"I don't expect anything back, Astarion." She handed the shopkeeper a roll of gold coins, then turned to him with another tender smile. "I'm just glad to help out a friend."
Astarion stood in silence, his brow twitching. A thought occurred to him—two words he hadn't felt the desire to say in two centuries. Two words he'd almost forgotten. He shifted from side to side, looking anywhere but at her, desperate for an escape from the vulnerability pressing down on him.
But I think she truly means it.
"I..."
His mouth opened, then closed again. He cleared his throat, trying to speak, but the silence lingered. He could tell she expected nothing, but for once he wanted to give a part of himself, by choice. Just a few words. The feeling inside him grew, a swell of gratitude he couldn't quite contain. Finally, he sighed and met her eyes with a smile.
"Thank you."
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zxoaii · 2 days
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fem! reader x bodyguard Choso
Summary: After the being sent to attend an event, Y/n and Choso find themselves more caught up with each other.
SMUT
WC: 2k
Wattpad: _Bolter
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[ Y/n ]
"You look good in a suit." Choso looks at me while I adjust his tie. "You are stunning. No one is going to notice me with you right next to me." He's always so sweet.
"Thank you."
The elevator door rings out and the doors open. Choso offers me his arm. I take it as we walk into the foyer of the ballroom.
"Good evening." The host draws our attention to him. My bag clicks open as I retrieve the invitation. "He's my plus one." Of course, if he knows who I am he'd know that.
Money and Jujutsu Sorcery don't usually meet but somewhere, they did. I wouldn't say my clan is completely good but we are a force to be reckoned with.
My mother is the current head of the clan and because of my apparent lack of cursed energy, I was assigned a bodyguard.
I've had several throughout my life but this one is my favorite. Choso is a gentleman. He's caring and friendly. Not to mention, he is not bad-looking at all.
He isn't even a Jujutsu Sorcerer. He's a half-curse.
We walk into the crowded ballroom together. I love parties. They're a nightmare for him. He wouldn't ever say it out loud though.
Choso instinctively takes his arm away from me and falls two paces behind me. Technically we're supposed to act like he isn't here.
Still, it saddens me to lose his touch.
"Ms. Y/l/n, you look incredible. The last time I saw you, you were only a teenager. It's been so long!" I'm thrown into a conversation before I can tell Choso he should stand with me.
The night starts to drag on with insignificant conversations one after another. Being polite is exhausting. Especially when it's spent being polite to people who can't help but be self-obsessed.
As soon as I get a chance I excuse myself to go get a drink. I take Choso's arm and lead us to the drink table. "Do you want some?"
Choso shakes his head. Oh well. I take a glass of champagne for myself. It's a shame this is all they choose to serve. Still, it's better than nothing.
"How long have we been here?"
"45 minutes."
I want to spit my drink out. Only 45 minutes? It feels like we've been here for hours. I've been talking for hours. It's impossible.
"Seriously?"
Choso nods and scans the room. "Come on, there's not actually anyone here who's going to do anything to me." He gives me an unsure glance. "How long do we have to stay for?" My feet ache already. It's freezing in here. I would rather be anywhere else and I'd rather it just be him and I.
"You're supposed to stay for an hour and a half at least."
"What if I say I'm sick?"
Choso takes my empty glass from me and returns it to the table. "We came all this way just for this." He reminds me.
He looks so good in his suit. If I could have a picture of him dressed up like this I'd keep it in a locket.
"Y/n!" A voice calls out excitedly from behind me.
I really hate parties.
.  .  .
Choso sits in the front seat of the car as we're driven to our hotel. I can't stop admiring him. My cheeks flush when he looks at me through the rearview.
We hold eye contact until I look away.
The driver eventually stops in front of our hotel and opens my door for me. "Thank you." I step out of the car. Warm humid air wraps itself around my bare skin.
Choso follows behind me as I make my way inside. I can't come up with any valid reasons as to why I'd need to go to his room.
The walk through the lobby, then the elevator ride, and finally the walk to my room are all too short. I don't have enough time to think of something.
I stop at my door to give myself a second to think.
"Are you ok?"
My hand lingers on the doorknob for a moment before falling to my side. "Choso, you should come in with me."
I turn to look at him after I ask. "What?" This is the first time I've seen him so caught off guard. Maybe that's because he usually stands behind me.
"I want you to come in with me."
"We have our own rooms." Despite his now hardened reaction, his cheeks are red with blush. "Ok." I stop pushing and unlock my door.
"Goodni-"
Choso's hand lands on the door to stop it from shutting. He looks down at me from his place in the doorway. I step out of his way and he walks into the room. The door shuts behind him, leaving us in darkness. Some of the city lights illuminate parts of the room.
Just enough so I can see him.
My heart beats heavily in my chest as I reach out to touch him. Choso steps closer to me and allows me to start undoing his tie.
It falls to the floor but my hands remain on his chest. I have to stand on my toes to reach his lips. Choso leans in and meets me in a kiss.
My hands grip his shirt in fistfuls. Our kiss becomes increasingly desperate. My back meets the wall with a thud. One of his hands lands on the wall next to my head. The other finds its way onto my back.
Choso follows my spine with his fingers. He reaches the nape of my neck and takes the zipper of my dress. The straps fall from my shoulders as the zipper is drawn lower and lower.
When the entire thing is unzipped I let it pool around my ankles. Choso lifts me and carries me across the room. He handles me so gently. I'm laid carefully onto the bed.
My heels are slipped off my feet and then tossed across the room. Choso's lips start at my ankles and trail upwards. Each kiss leaves me more and more entranced by his touch.
As his lips meet my thighs he starts to linger longer. My fingers reach out and grab his hair. He continues up to my hips and for a moment I think he might keep going until our lips meet again.
Instead, he hooks my underwear with his fingers and gives himself more access to me. His touch runs hot across my skin as he pulls my underwear down completely.
"Is this ok?"
"You don't have to ask."
My hands encourage his movements. Choso's lips meet my core in a heated kiss. The kiss feels starved like he needs me to live. He shifts my left leg over his shoulder to give himself better access.
"Oh my god..." I sit up, resting on my elbows to look at him. Choso is still completely dressed. Despite how good-looking he is in his suit, I want it off.
"Take your shirt off."
Choso doesn't falter or stop. Instead, he works his jacket off and lets it fall to the floor. He starts working on the buttons down his shirt until he can take that off too.
His back is painted with scars that remind me of where he came from. My eyes are drawn down by his. Choso watches me through lustful hooded eyes.
His tongue presses against my clit causing my legs to bend instinctively. The dim lights from the window draw harsh shadows across his body.
Choso's hair is a mess from my hands. It falls into his face and tickles the inside of my thighs. Still, he deepens his movements.
The graze of his teeth against sensitive flesh causes a gasp. My hips grind against his mouth as he presses his tongue flat against me. Choso lets out a deep moan that vibrates through my body.
Pleasure starts to build up within me overwhelmingly quickly. "Don't stop." My pleas are answered by Choso's quickened kissing.
He moans once more. My eyes fall lower, following his arm. Choso masturbates as he eats me out. "Shit." The sigh drags on with my orgasm.
Choso doesn't stop until I fall back onto the bed. He pulls away breathlessly and fully removed his pants. His toned chest is also littered with scars that only continue to turn me on.
"Can you continue?" He licks his lips and runs his hand along my thigh. "Yes." Choso nods and reaches up to remove my bra. "You're fucking beautiful." His hands run along my body as if to memorize the feeling.
I shift to the edge of the bed, sitting on my knees so I can kiss him. This kiss is soft. Choso's hand carefully holds my chin. I follow him blindly as he sits down on the bed.
We pull away for a moment. Gentle hands guide me onto his lap. Choso holds my back as I fit him inside of me. The pain turns to pleasure within a minute.
Our eyes stay locked as I roll my hips. My nails dig into his back as I move against him. "Y/n." My name comes out as a plead more than a statement.
My desperate movements become quicker at his unsaid request. Choso peppers kisses along my neck and shoulders. He finds a spot and begins to suck on it to leave a mark.
I tilt my head to the side to give him more access. "Ah- Choso!" He bites down on my neck. I don't know if he drew blood or not but his tongue traces the bite mark several times before he moves on.
Choso's hands grip my ass. He guides me vertically in addition to my horizontal movements. Our moans grow louder together as I follow his movement.
"You're so fucking perfect." Choso catches my lips after his comment, only for a moment. He watches me with such loving eyes my heart flutters in my chest.
Has he always looked at me like this?
The buildup of my second orgasm comes along with his. His grip on me tightens, I feel the twitch of his cock inside me, and his head falls forward onto my shoulder.
Choso mumbles words I can't hear over the sound of my own moans. My orgasm washes over me so intensely that my legs twitch at his side.
We hold each other for a minute before I shift off of his lap to lie down. Choso collapses down next to me. My hand finds his, intertwining our fingers.
"You're... Unbelievable."
The smile on my face feels like it might never go away again. "Do you like me, Choso?" I look over at him from my spot.
"Like you? Of course I like you." He meets my eyes for a moment before shyly looking away. "Do you have deeper feelings for me?"
If the lighting was better I think I'd be able to see that bright red blush all across his face. "I do." His eyes search the ceiling for anything to look at other than me.
"I have deeper feelings for you too." I sit up so he can't avoid looking at me. "You do?" I brush his sweaty hair from his face. "Of course." Choso doesn't return my happy grin.
Instead, he sits up and meets my lips in another passionate kiss. My arms lock around his shoulders to hold him closer. I'd stay like this forever if I had the choice.
Choso pauses for a moment then pulls away. He rubs my thigh as his eyes trail along my neck. He stops at the spot I assume he had bitten. My fingers feel across the skin for a moment before finding the mark.
"I'm sorry. You just tasted so good."
"Don't talk."
I lean back in and happily take another kiss from him. The bite mark will be hard to hide, especially since nothing I packed covers my neck.
Still, if he wanted to bite me again he could.
We could do this all over again as many times as he wants.
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thegamingcatmom · 1 day
Text
BIRB MAMA LET´S GO 🐦‍⬛
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(I can´t get over how adorable/goofy she looks here. How am I supposed to fear any of that?)
If Mother Miranda were to take an interest in you outside the whole vessel thing, it would include:
(Yall know the drill by now: Don´t like my dark and twisted stuff, don´t read my dark and twisted stuff. 🖤)
having to listen to her ranting and gossiping about her "children"
sometimes, it´s straight up just death threats
she´s scary when she gets like that
especially because she tends to breathe down your neck to calm herself (your scent is quite helpful)
having to listen to her feverish prayers when it comes to Eva
Eva is a big topic in general
helping her in her lab
which basically means cleaning up her mess (and she is rather messy, it has to be said)
we´re talking mountains of papers as well as mountains of bodies
ofc she´s gonna make sure to snuff out every last bit of life before she lets you near her failed experiments
she won´t take any risks when it comes to you
as for the papers-
...it´s a mess
and it´s very scary (and very unfair) when she gets all hissy and murderous over you trying to do your "job" and clean up her mess just because, out of the millions of papers, there´s one that she still needs
"How dare you throw that away?!"
"Well, how tf am I supposed to know?!"
...you think to yourself because there´s no way you´re gonna say that to her face (you quite like breathing, tyvm)
Eva
whenever she has one of her downright terrifying smash-things-against-the-wall "tantrums" (as you like to call them not to her face) she gets all purry and touchy-feely after
probs her way of apologizing (cause there ain´t no way she´s gonna use them words)
you hate that it´s working
despite being a mass murderer/mold monster smt who doesn´t require eating or using any stuff that humans usually would (like toilets), she does appreciate you cooking and cleaning for her
things she tasked you with ofc
she quite...enjoys the sight
(smt about that domestic view just...does things to her)
(you force-wearing an apron drives her wild)
Eva
preening
she does have feathers, after all
and those need lots of TLC 💋
makes you clean her mask too
or her rings
anything, really
in return, you may wear it
(honestly? totally worth it)
we won´t talk about the fact she´s doing it more for herself (just like pretty much everything else) because seeing you wearing what is hers just...yknow?
but also to demonstrate just how good it feels to be bad
"Hm... What do you think, little bird? Do you like it? I certainly do..."
Eva
forces you to attend meetings with her so she can show you off
and also because it almost always gives her a reason to rip into her "children" because that bunch just doesn´t know how to behave around you
especially the tall one who keeps throwing you looks that make it seem like she wants nothing more than for you to drop dead
you kinda share that sentiment
anywhere would be better than here
...she´s scary
something Miranda takes note of as well
one look is all that is needed to put the tall one in her place
in moments like this, you truly appreciate your roommate´s/abductor´s murderous side
when you´ve been especially good for a (long) while (no escape attempts, no talking back, no disobeying her whatsoever) she indulges your childish urges to see her transform into different animals
she will deny any and all accusations of smiling at that, down to her very last breath
(she could be persuaded though...)
Eva
one day, you´ll probs have to go from cleaning that mess to making it
which means actively helping MM with her experiments
cutting someone open etc.
there´s no way out of it, let´s be honest
it´s her livelihood, ofc she wants to share that with you
(isn´t she just precious?)
spying on the villagers for her
(she will find out when you´ve been lying, so don´t even think about it)
Eva
(This actually got way less dark and twisted than I anticipated. Gotta work on that, LMAO.)
Basically, my HC for Miranda includes her getting an absolute kick out of anything family/domestic life. She goes absolutely nuts when it comes to her daughter, so I imagine this would count for a significant other as well. She gets obsessed to the point of no return, and she´ll fight tooth and nail to keep them with her always.
I could go on, and on, and on, and on, and-
But, alas, it is rather late and, unlike some mold monster smt, I do need my sleep. ;3
I might do more posts like that cause I have thoughts. 😩🤌
CYA THERE! 🫶
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sleepymccoy · 19 hours
Text
Two thirds of a whole
“Your report indicated that you spent some time with the other Spock.”
“He was a strange man to meet,” McCoy muttered, sinking into a chair hesitantly.
“Tell me about him,” Spock invited, filling their glasses.
McCoy leant on the table and raised a hand. “Now, I don't want to sound egotistical, but the only change I know of was my not being on the Enterprise.”
“It is not egotistical to report your observations.”
McCoy smiled. “You might be wanting to take that back shortly, we'll see if I let you.”
Spock's gaze flashed to him. A strange expression passed his face, softer than most Spock let through when he was in control of himself, then he seemed to make a decision and looked at McCoy squarely. “Tell me,” he repeated.
“Well, he was lonely,” McCoy said simply. “He and their Jim weren't friendly. You- they weren't arguing or any sort, just not friendly. Jim was thinner too, more professional and detached. Broke my heart a bit. He did too.”
“He being the other Spock,” Spock clarified.
“Yeah.” McCoy pulled the water glass over and pressed it against his bourbon glass, feeling the grating tension of glass on glass in his fingers. “Didn't get along a lick with anyone on board. Didn't offer comments or defend his opinions beyond the bare minimum. He just worked, then went to his room and stayed there.”
“He sounds like a better Vulcan than I.”
McCoy glared at Spock. “You're the better man,” he shot back. Then, before Spock could disagree on principle, he continued. “He was sad, Spock, miserable and lonely! The way he latched onto me at the end there, you…” he sighed. “Ah, I dunno.”
Spock's eyebrow raise was enough of a response to keep McCoy talking.
“I don't know,” McCoy said carefully, “what he was getting out of me that no one else gives. I'd like to understand.”
“You are asking what benefit I find in knowing you?”
McCoy grit his teeth. “I suppose.” He drank. “You’re allowed to kick me out.”
Spock crossed his legs and leaned back in his chair. “It is a simple enough answer,” he said. “You are the antithesis of Vulcan logic. You exemplify the most challenging type of human interaction I could have - that is, one whose argument is based in emotion and unmoving. But you explain yourself well, and have improved my comprehension of the convoluted decision making processes humans take.”
“Huh,” McCoy said. He drank.
“Additionally- ”
“There's more?”
Spock ignored him. “- you take time to point out when I am culturally insensitive. Many simply take offense, but you communicate it. Often, you communicate it excessively. Perhaps this other Spock lacked your early tutelage and suffered for it. Although, I must add, Vulcan intimacy is far more impersonal than human and perhaps he is pleased with his relationships on board. Knowing no other.”
“He kissed me like he was dying.”
Spock's hand lurched, knocking against his water glass. It didn't tip over, they had broad bases in case of turbulance, but it shook from the impact.
McCoy went quiet and drank his bourbon.
“Where did he kiss you?” Spock asked at a whisper.
McCoy looked at the table top. Real wood, Spock was more of a sensualist than he admitted. “On the mouth, Spock, how dirty d'you think I am?”
“I mean- so, he kissed you in the human way?”
Spock's hands were balled into tight fists. His eyes were wide, his cheeks green. He was quite still.
“Yeah, I hadn't considered that,” McCoy said, trying with all his might to sound unaffected and like they were discussing lab results. He remembered the feeling of Spock’s fingers in his mouth. “He was good at it too, wonder where he learnt it.”
Spock waved his hand absently. Those fingers… “Before I met you,” he muttered. “Wait. You allowed it to continue long enough to tell? Were you willing?”
“I was surprised at first, but, Spock, there’s something about you- ”
Spock stood, his chair scraping back loudly.
“God, don't hit me,” McCoy muttered, “you're really strong.”
---
This fic is complete now! If you enjoyed the snippet you'll enjoy the rest of the shenanigans they get up to <3
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clarisse0o · 3 days
Text
Camp Wiegman-Part 75
Lucy Bronze x Ona Batlle
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Alternative Universe: Military School
Words: 5K
Masterlist
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Saturday, March 26th; 10:00 AM - Lucy and Ona’s Apartment.
"Come on, call her. You’re not going to stare at that phone all day, we’ve got other things to do," teased Lucy, who had just come out of the bathroom.
I groan to show my displeasure, but eventually, I dial my mom’s number. It was time to handle it, and I couldn't keep putting it off. The ringing tone echoed... for a long time... When it stopped, I was ready to speak, my mouth open, but I got her voicemail instead. My heart relaxed at this. I don't know why, but I felt relieved. I immediately hung up.
"I got her voicemail."
Lucy laughed. She definitely noticed my reaction.
"Well, better luck next time. Go get ready, or we’ll be late."
"You’re the one who spent forever in the bathroom."
"Oh, so now it’s my fault, huh?" she laughed as I was already heading down the hallway. "Remind me, who didn’t want to get out of bed?" she shouted so I could hear her.
"At eight-thirty, I had every reason to stay in bed!" I yelled back from the bathroom.
I could hear her laughing as I started putting on my makeup. It was the last thing I had to do. Lucy had wanted to take a shower, so I couldn’t access my things earlier because I wanted to give her some privacy. She needs to understand that weekends are sacred too. Not all of us are motivated to go jogging in the morning. I’ll never understand her on that. We’re supposed to grab brunch with our friends before heading to the gym. It’ll be good to all be together again. Aitana and Beth are supposed to join us later in the day, according to Lucy. I was finishing my makeup with mascara when my phone rang. I groaned seeing my mom’s face on the screen. Lucy came over at that moment, already making fun of me.
"Answer it, or I will."
"Definitely not."
I rolled my eyes, picking up my phone from beside the sink. She’s been pushing me to do this since yesterday, and I have to admit, she’s right. Otherwise, I’d never do it. I answered the call and held the phone to my ear with my shoulder while finishing my second eye.
"Hello?"
"Ona! Did you try to call me? Is everything okay?"
"Hey. Yeah, yeah, everything’s fine. Am I disturbing you?"
"I just got out of surgery. I operated early this morning. Well, more like last night. I’m about to grab some coffee. Are you sure everything’s okay? You rarely call me."
I smiled despite myself. I’ve always admired my mom for her work, even though it cost her a lot in terms of family life. It takes a lot of mental strength and confidence to perform surgeries. She’s a general surgeon. When Mapi needed surgery, she wasn’t the one to handle the case, but I know she made sure to be involved in every procedure for my sake.
"I’m fine, really. I just wanted to call to apologize, that’s all."
"Apologize?" she whispered. "For what?"
"For my behavior last time," I said plainly. "We left without me getting a chance to talk to you again. So yeah, I’m sorry. My reaction wasn’t directed at you."
"Oh... You don’t need to apologize, Ona. I completely understand."
I smiled like an idiot. She really thinks Mapi didn’t tell me how worried she was. From what I’ve heard, she was scared to death, yet here she is acting like nothing happened.
"No, it’s important. I need you to know my anger wasn’t directed at you," I said, smiling at my girlfriend, who finally turned around when she saw everything was fine.
"Alright... well, thank you for calling."
"I also wanted to let you know that we’ll definitely be attending your wedding, in case that wasn’t clear."
"Really?"
"Of course. We wouldn’t miss it."
"Will Lucy be coming?"
"Yes, that’s who I meant by ‘we.’ I hope that’s not a problem?" I teased.
"Oh no, no. We’d be delighted and honored!"
"Great... So, when is it again?"
"June 18th. I... Ona?"
"Yes?"
"I know it’s not the kind of thing you ask over the phone, and I’d understand if you say no, but... I’d like you to be my maid of honor, if you agree. You don’t have to answer right away, it’s just that—"
"Mom," I interrupted. "Calm down. I..."
I took a deep breath. This was hard for me, but I was doing it to keep my promise to my dad. He wanted me to be there when it happened.
"I accept. No problem."
"Really...?"
The surprise in her voice was obvious. A small smile formed on my lips.
"Yeah, it seems so," I teased.
"You know, if you’re feeling obligated or anything..."
"Stop. I accept, that’s it. Don’t make me change my mind."
"It really means a lot to me, Ona, truly."
"I figured."
"I’ll make sure to pay for your dresses, for both you and Lucy. We’ll pick them out together, so they’ll match."
"Whoa, slow down," I laughed. "We’ve got time."
"Can you come during your vacation? You know you’re always welcome at home, even though you’ve chosen to live with her in Manchester."
"I know, but we won’t be around this vacation. We’re visiting Grandpa and Lucy’s parents in Portugal."
"Really?" she asked, surprised. "She’s from Lisbon too? You’re meeting her parents?"
"She’s from Porto. We’re doing one week with Grandpa, then one week with her family. I still need to call him to see if he can host us."
"Oh, knowing him, he won’t say no. He’ll be thrilled to meet Lucy."
"Yeah, I’m not worried about that."
"Don’t be afraid to meet Lucy’s parents either. I’m sure it’ll go well."
"We’ll see," I sighed. "I should hang up, we’re supposed to meet for brunch," I said as Lucy reappeared, tapping her wrist.
"Oh really?With who?"
"We’re meeting our friends at eleven."
"Oh, well, I won’t keep you then. Have a great day, and let me know when you’re coming back to Barcelona."
"No problem, I’ll talk to Lucy, and we’ll keep in touch. Have a good day."
One last goodbye, and I hung up. Lucy immediately came over as I was putting away my makeup.
"Talk to me about what?"
I laughed, shaking my head. She looked so innocent, but I was sure she had listened to the whole conversation.
- Going back to Barcelona.
- Again? she groaned. That’s all we ever do!
- Oh, don’t complain. We’ve only been there twice together. And I think I just agreed to be her maid of honor. I don’t know what came over me.
Lucy laughed and wrapped her arms around me from behind, kissing the top of my head.
- Well, I’m proud of you. I assume everything went well?
- Yeah... she acted like everything was fine, as if nothing had happened. That’s a first.
- Well, that’s good, then. And why do we have to go back to Barcelona?
- She wants us to choose our dresses with her... and be matching.
- Wonderful, she teased.
- Hey, I said, turning towards her. Don’t make fun of me! I wouldn’t mind matching with you.
- That’s not the problem. It’s that I’ll have to endure another shopping session with the mother-daughter duo.
- Well, I have to meet your parents for the first time in a few weeks, I laughed in return. We all have our challenges, babe.
- That’s true, she replied, giving me a playful smack as I walked out.
I’d learned my lesson from last time, so I didn’t react to her playful gesture. We’d moved past that, and she didn’t catch me off guard this time.
- Did you remember to bring your design ideas?
I froze mid-step and turned back around.
- What would I do without you… I mumbled, making Lucy laugh.
I headed back to our bedroom to grab them. She wanted me to bring my ideas since she hadn’t had a chance to look at them this morning. After grabbing them, I got dressed to go out, and we left to meet our friends downtown. We’d noticed that the little Italian restaurant next to the gym offered brunch, so it didn’t take us long to decide to try it out today. The renovations were coming along great. We had time to finish up the locker room prep before the furniture arrived next week. Someone was coming to check if the plumbing was usable as it was. If so, Lucy said it would leave us with a little extra budget, though she wasn’t too hopeful. The place was pretty old and had been heavily used. When we arrived, I wasn’t surprised to see we were the first ones there. Lucy’s an early riser and hates being late. I’ve been on the receiving end of that before, and once was enough for me.
- So, when’s the wedding? You didn’t tell me the date.
- Oh, right. Uh, June eighteenth, I think.
- You *think*? she teased.
- It’s definitely the eighteenth. Are you done now?
She laughed as I playfully hit her shoulder. Looks like she’s in a teasing mood today.
- Oh, relax, I’m kidding. Maybe we can go after your exams, yeah? We’ll be on vacation, so we might as well enjoy it. It’ll take your mind off waiting for your results.
- Really? But what if I have interviews? And what about the gym?
- We’ll make sure you have a school and a gallery lined up before you leave Camp Wiegman.
- Easier said than done...
- Are you done complaining yet? I heard from behind. We can hear you from the other end of the restaurant.
- Oh, shut up! I snapped playfully at my best friend.
- Hey, cutie pie.
I smiled as I stood up to hug her. I’d missed her. It’s about time she moved here so we could properly catch up.
- Wow, it’s been a while since I’ve heard that nickname.
- No kidding!
I greeted Ingrid as well. Mapi sat beside me at the head of the table, and Ingrid across from me after greeting my girlfriend too. Mapi and I exchanged goofy smiles. Looks like I wasn’t the only one who missed this connection.
- So, Miss "I’m stressed about my exam," how’s it going?
- I’m fine, I chuckled. Are you mocking me?
- Oh no, she laughed. It’s just funny. You weren’t like this in high school, and I never imagined you’d turn into this.
- Well, people change, what can I say, I responded with a genuine smile.
- What’s new since I’ve been gone?
- Not much.
- Really? she raised an eyebrow.
- Yeah, honestly, nothing major, I said, glancing at Lucy. Everything’s going well. I’m looking for a gallery, we’re working on the gym, and I’m studying for my exam... that’s about it.
- So, what’s the update on that interview you had? The big gallery, she probed.
- Fields hasn’t changed their mind. I don’t think I’ll accept, but for now, I haven’t heard back from the other galleries, so it’s tricky...
- Stop worrying.
- I’m a month away from taking my exam and I’m without a school. I have every reason to worry, I replied.
Lucy rolled her eyes. It’s been a bit tense between us regarding this. She takes it so lightly that I wonder if she’s hiding something from me again. Luckily, Alexia and Jenni arrived at that moment. We greeted them and ordered right after they settled in. We didn’t want to drag things out since we had a lot to do today.
Saturday, March 26th; 1:00 PM - Gym
It was just Ale, Mapi, and me in the break room, finishing up stripping the wallpaper. There was one wall left, and the goal was to have it ready for painting tomorrow. Our girlfriends were in the locker room since the others hadn’t shown up yet. The plumber finally arrived, and Lucy wanted to be there for the assessment. I didn’t mind. It was nice to hang out with my friends. The atmosphere was great, even while working.
- So, notice anything? Ale asked Mapi with a mischievous grin.
- Notice what?
I gave Alexia a wide-eyed look as she smiled slyly. She knew Mapi wasn’t up to date on the progress of my relationship with Lucy. I turned bright red as Ale motioned towards me with her head. Mapi, who was between us, stared at me.
- Well? What don’t I know yet?
Alexia burst out laughing. I didn’t find it funny. There’s no need to make a big deal out of every milestone in my relationship.
- Your best friend became a grown-up last weekend.
Mapi gasped and smacked my arm hard.
- Ouch! I exclaimed, rubbing my arm.
- And you didn’t even tell me!? When? How? You better tell me everything to make up for it!
Alexia was laughing hysterically. I couldn’t help but follow suit, despite myself. This was exactly why I didn’t want her to know. She always has to give me the third degree.
- You couldn’t help yourself, could you? I scolded Ale.
- Nope, I had to share! It was too memorable and funny to keep to myself. You should’ve seen her, covered in hickeys and grinning ear to ear the next morning, she told Mapi.
They both started laughing. Okay, maybe I was on a high at the time. Hearing how she described me now made me feel really embarrassed.
- So, how did it happen?
- It just... did.
"It just did"? Do you think that’s a satisfying answer for me?
Stop. Seriously, it wasn’t planned at all. It just happened, that’s all. And it was good. She was really great with me. That's it. You won’t get more details.  
I stuck my tongue out at her when she groaned.
"I can’t believe you hid this from me again!"
"Hid what?" Lucy asked, just walking into the room.  
Oh no, that’s all I needed. We all know how she reacts to Mapi in these situations.
"Oh, nothing. You just need to know how your girlfriend is so mute and stubborn," Mapi pouted.
"Hmm… I think she’s improving. At least with me."  
I smiled as Lucy wrapped her arms around me from behind, rocking me gently. I leaned into her embrace.
"Can you come with me? I need your help," she whispered in my ear.
"Really? Well, sure, if you want."  
She let go, and I took her hand to follow her. It was the perfect time to be honest. Maybe Mapi would forget about this whole thing… though I’m probably being too hopeful. Before we left, my girlfriend added:
"By the way, we’re thinking of going out to a bar tonight with the others. So, if you're not up for a night at The United, now's your chance to have a girls’ night."
Her suggestion surprised me, but of course, my best friend jumped at it.
"Oh, that’s a great idea!" Mapi exclaimed. "What do you think? Since I’m already here."
"Yeah, why not," Ale agreed.
"We’ll talk about it when I get back, to figure out whose place we’ll go to," I said.
The girls agreed before I left with Lucy. She led me to the main room.
"So, what about the guy? Did he give you a rundown of what’s working and what’s not?"
"Yeah. We could keep the plumbing, but he can’t guarantee it’ll last another three years, so instead of taking the risk and redoing everything later, we’re just going to replace it now."
"Ouch... That’s a shame."
Lucy shrugged and gave me a small smile.
"It’s fine. We anticipated this. He’ll give us a quote to see how much it’ll cost since we’re not doing it ourselves."
"That makes sense. Painting and demolishing is one thing, but this is more complicated."
"Exactly."
We reached the main room, where I noticed the guys had arrived, along with a woman I didn’t recognize. I slowed down when I saw that she was holding my sketches, the ones I had given to Lucy earlier in the day. She was tall, about Lucy’s height, with a normal build and heels. She was charismatic, with long, silky black hair and lightly made-up blue eyes. Lucy smiled at me, seeing my hesitation.
"Don’t be shy. Come on," she said, pulling me forward.
"What’s this about now?"
"Oh, here she is," Beth said when he saw me. "Hey Ona."
"Hey..."  
I went around, greeting everyone, including the woman holding my drawings. I quickly returned to Lucy, who had opened her arms, letting me snuggle into her.
"Let me introduce you to Grace," Beth said. "She has an art degree, but she mainly works as a street artist. She’s the one who did the decoration at my paintball place."
"Wow," I said, remembering the place. "Well, congratulations. You’re really talented. I loved what I saw."
"What she means is, she was completely blown away by it," my girlfriend embellished.
Grace laughed, shaking the papers in her hand.
"Thank you, I’m flattered. I could say the same about you. You’re very talented."
"Thank you," I replied, blushing.
I smiled shyly, sinking further into Lucy’s arms. I don’t handle compliments about my work well since I’m not used to people looking at it. Lucy smiled at me, kissing my temple.
"I imagine you’re not here for no reason?"
"No, indeed," Grace smiled. "Beth and I recently reconnected, and he’s been talking about you and how hard you’ve been searching for a gallery. It just so happens that I recently opened one myself to start working more seriously after all these years."
I listened carefully. No… Don’t tell me...? I glanced at Lucy, who was grinning mischievously. I couldn’t believe it! She surprised me again.
"It turns out I was supposed to collaborate with a friend who backed out at the last minute. The gallery’s already open, but I’m not keen on hiring someone when I’ve just launched it."
"You mean…"
"I’d like you to come work with me. As an apprentice, of course. You’d cost me less, and based on what I have in my hands, you’re talented. Our styles are very different, but I think we could complement each other. Plus, with your management degree, you’d be a great help to me."
"Oh, I’m not sure you should rely too much on that degree..."
She laughed heartily. I guess I’ve said enough times that management isn’t my strong suit.
"Well, what I mean is that your résumé is interesting to me. So, if you're up for it, we could do a trial at my gallery to see if you like it. Of course, the condition is that you need to get your diploma first… Although, to be honest, I’d take you anyway, but your girlfriend here doesn’t seem too fond of that idea, from what she just told me."
I smiled broadly. I playfully hit Lucy’s chest, pushing her away slightly. She laughed.
"You hid everything from me again! You’re unbelievable!"
"Hey, I didn’t know," she defended herself. "Beth just told me this morning that she was bringing someone for you today."
"Is that true?" I asked her.
"Yeah," Beth replied, amused.
"I hesitated a lot," Grace admitted. "I hope you’re ready to work because there’s no shortage of it."
"I’m not afraid of that."
"Good, then there won’t be any problem," she said. "Lucy told me you’re going on vacation soon, but if you’re up for it, you could visit the gallery one weekend and do a trial run, like a day or two, to see if it works for both of us."
"Yeah, we’ll arrange that," Lucy agreed. "Maybe we could exchange contact info to stay in touch?"
"Sure," Grace said with a smile. "I’ll handle the arrangements with your school. I’ve got some former professors who might be able to help you secure a spot."
"Thank you so much. I really don’t know what to say."
"Oh, don’t thank me. You’ll be just as helpful to me, so I’m happy to help in return. I hope this will turn into something good for both of us. Who knows, maybe if the sales go well, I’ll be glad to keep you on afterward."
I was thrilled and incredibly relieved. A huge weight was starting to lift off my shoulders. We exchanged contact information and promised to keep in touch. She left shortly after, and I kissed Lucy deeply without hesitation. I really hoped this would work out.
"Oh my God. I can’t believe it’s real. Thank you so much, Beth."
"No problem," she replied. "I’m glad I could help. It wasn’t even planned. We just happened to reconnect, and I mentioned you. She immediately showed interest. From what I just saw, it looks like she likes you too."
"Same here. She’s really cool. Nothing like Fields, for example."
"Oh, definitely," Lucy agreed. "So, are you good now? Can you relax?"
I stuck my tongue out at her in response. She laughed heartily. Unlike me, she had never doubted, and honestly, it felt good. Even when I couldn’t believe in myself, she was always there to remind me that anything was possible. And today, I had proof. I’d found a gallery. This was going to be the new driving force in my life. In our life. I no longer had to consider Fields’ offer, and I was so happy. I could finally turn it down with no regrets.
"I love you."
"I love you too. Now, should we get back to work?"
"Yep."
"Come with me. Let’s go over your sketches and see what we can come up with."
I smiled, following her to the back rooms. I couldn’t wait to start this project. Even though they were just small images without much cohesion yet, I was sure Lucy’s imagination would help bring them to life. And so, our day continued.
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maoxyi · 3 days
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To let go (part 9)
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Franky crashes into a wall and falls on his face. Ah what the hell. He doesn’t understand how he could pass out and find himself crashing into walls. How the hell did he even get into a building in the first place. Where even is he. As he stands, he smells smoke. He feels the building shake a little. He looks up and-
“WHY THE HELL AM I HERE!” The shock that explodes within him leaves him shaking. He knows this place. He knows. He could never, ever forget.
Ennies Lobby wasn’t something he could simply forget.
“What the hell…” He shakes his head. What on Earth… he walks towards the big doors that he remembers lead to Lucci. Where his captain beat that asshole to the ground. He grins and feels the itch to pose. It WAS a super moment after all and deserves one. He pushes the doors open and is greeted with the sight of a body on the floor. He hesitates in shock for a moment before running forwards.
“Hey! You alright!” He calls and comes to a halt when the person turns their head towards him. That was definitely Luffy. He’d recognise him anywhere. He may not understand what’s going on right now or why, but it didn’t matter to him. He kneels down and scoops his captains small frame into his arms as carefully and gently as his huge self can. His captain is bloodied and bruised. Beaten and broken. Struggling to breathe as he lays in his arms.
“Oh… Franky. You-you look different. Though I don’t think the me who knows you would really think much about it. You look super cool.”
“And you look like you could be much better.”
“Shishi, that's true.”
“Luffy what… what’s going on here?”
“Well can’t you see? We’re in Ennies Lobby silly!” He hacks out a cough and a little blood droplet falls on his skin but he pays no mind. Though he feels as though he should.
“Are you dying right now?”
“Well no. I felt like I would have back then but no. I don’t feel anything. Since I’ve felt it already. Not that I know yet.”
“Already… so we’re… in the past?”
“Past? I don’t know. Maybe you are but I’m not. I’m exactly where I’m meant to be stuck.”
“Stuck? Can’t you get out? Where’s Chopper?”
“Chopper? Well I don’t know. There’s only ever me. Me and Lucci sometimes. Only when he shows up.” Now Franky doesn’t really understand how or why he’s here at this moment. He supposes he’s meant to save his captain. From what he isn’t sure. Himself? His mind? His memories? Maybe he’s in his mind right now. He’s never tried to repair anything in a mind before. That would be SUPER difficult.
“But… How do I help? How can I help you?”
“You can’t. This is… this is what I have to do. In order to protect you all in the future. I have to keep getting stronger. I have to keep fighting. I… can’t let anyone take you away from me. I have to be a good captain.”
“I… see. But you’re already the best captain any of us could ask for.” He whispers to him softly as the small hands that come out of his giant palms remove hair out of his young, tired face and he feels a stab in his heart. A pain. He’s… he’s never realised how small he was. How young. This is his captain. His captain. His super strong and SUPER kind captain. He loves his captain he really does.
“No I’m not. I lost two of my crew. Two, Franky. I didn’t meant to. I truly didn’t and it burns me up that I did.” The burning he feels makes Franky flinch. He burns along with him. He’s always connected to others emotions easily.
“You…” He has to swallow past the lump building in his throat to continue talking. “You can’t blame yourself for that.”
“I can. Or more… I did.”
“That’s true but you… that’s not very super.” Luffy giggles at him and it makes Franky smile a little. They talk like he isn’t bleeding out in his arms. Like it’s normal.
“It isn’t but she left us, Franky. Just like Usopp did. Right after he did. Right after I failed to be a good captain. Just like Nami has.” Franky doesn’t want to think of Sanji. He doesn’t want to think of it. “How many more of you will leave me Franky? I have to be strong enough. No matter how many times you leave, i have to be strong enough to get you back. No matter how hard. I will get my family back.”
“Lu…” and Franky can understand that. He can understand doing anything and everything to bring back your family. He can remember trying to stop them from taking Tom. He can understand but… he knows that it can’t be done alone. No one person can do it alone. “You can’t do it alone.”
“What?”
“You can’t do it alone, little brother. No matter what you think.”
“But-“
“No. You know what’s not super? Thinking you can do it all alone. You know what is super? Letting us help you.”
“But… but I’m the captain.”
“And I’m the shipwright.”
“Yes.”
“Does that make me less part of the crew? Does that make it so that I don’t care about our crew more than you?”
“No!” Luffy tries to at least sit up a little but physically cannot do it, his eyes wide and terrified. “Never! That’s not true Franky you’re awesome! You’ll be part of our crew soon! You’ll be our family!” Franky lifts his leg up to lean Luffy on it so he can sit up slightly.
“I am very super yes. So then, what do you think? What would we do in that situation?”
“Situation?”
“If one of our crew leaves? Do you think we would sit around and wait for you to go get them? Is that what happened here?”
“…no…”
“Of course not. You all TOGETHER took on the world! You burned the flag! All for Robin and she saw how loved she was. It was a SUPER moment!” He’s aware there are tears and he’s aware of the wild grin on his face. He probably looks insane. His captain, bless him, forces a hand up to wipe his face and he’s sure it leaves blood smeared on him. He doesn’t care. He SUPER doesn’t care right now. “Together, we will take on anything. We are SUPER family, Luffy.”
“Franky… but what about Usopp… that was my fault.”
“It wasn’t. Not completely.”
“But it was me who fought and…”
“Of course there’s going to be fighting. Of course there will be moments like that but… he apologised. He comes back Luffy.”
“He… he does?”
“Yeah and we’re all together. You don’t have to be afraid Luffy. You don’t have to be SUPER on you’re own. You don’t have to be. We can help you.”
“…Ok.”
“I will build you a bridge that will take us directly where we need to go. I will fix the path and make it easier for us. Everyone else will help. We can do this together Luffy. You’re never ever alone. You will never be alone again.” Maybe to this Luffy he’s lying. He’s lying because he will be. He doesn’t mean for it but he’s swears to him. He swears to the Luffy that can’t hear him. The one he’s trying to save. He’s promised. He’s sworn. He will make sure he keeps that promise.
“Ok.” Luffys tears fall like leaves in the autumn. Soundless and free. “Ok. I… don’t want to be alone anymore. I want everyone’s help.” Franky nods proudly. “It’s… it’ll be hard. In the future.”
“It super will be.”
“But all I need is you all. I will be ok.”
“That is right. Now.” He slowly stands, careful not to hurt him. “Where the hell is Chopper. Real or not you have to be looked at. I can’t take looking at you like this.” For once, Luffy grins.
“Maybe outside? There’s a lot of noise coming from out there.” And he’s right. Franky had been focused solely on Luffy and ignored every noise and shake that occurred. He laughed. “Watch out!” Luffy yells and Franky jumps out of the way as Luccis fist connects to with the concrete. Franky wastes no time to dash for the doors.
“THIS IS SUPER UNCOOL WHERE DID HE EVEN COME FROM? FUCK OFF!” He screams over his shoulder and Luffy leans his head back and laughs. As he dodges and runs and deflects the attacks, Luffy laughs and laughs and laughs. Reaching for the doors, Franky pauses before placing Luffy on the floor. The boy looks up, puzzled. Franky smirks at him before he punches Lucci squarely in the face, sending him flying through the walls. Back then he couldn’t fight him, but now he was strong enough.
“That’s for tormenting my captain you piece of shit.” He hisses. He turns to Luffys bright smiling face. There’s sparkles in his eyes when he picks him up and opens the door.
“That was so cool!” And yeah Franky thinks to himself. He is pretty super.
But he can’t be who he is without his captain and crew.
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blujayonthewing · 10 months
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I never tell people 'wow, you're so creative!' because that feels like a patronizing twee compliment somehow I guess? but as an artist (more or less) who is NOT very creative at all I think it all the time with complete sincerity and admiration
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inkskinned · 1 year
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you were raised in comparison.
it wasn't always obvious (well. except for the times that it was), but you internalized it young. you had to eat what you didn't like, other people are going hungry, and you should be grateful. you had to suck it up and walk on the twisted ankle, it wasn't broken, you were just being a baby. you were never actually suffering, people obviously had it worse than you did.
you had a roof over your head - imagine! with the way you behaved, with how you talked back to your parents? you're lucky they didn't kick you out on your ass. they had friends who had to deal with that. hell, you have friends who had to deal with that. and how dare you imply your father isn't there for you - just because he doesn't ever actually talk to you and just because he's completely emotionally checked out of your life doesn't mean you're not fucking lucky. think about your cousins, who don't even get to speak to their dad. so what if yours has a mean streak; is aggressive and rude. at least you have a father to be rude to you.
you really think you're hurting? you were raised in a home! you had access to clean water! you never so much as came close to experiencing a real problem. sure, okay. you have this "mental illness" thing, but teenagers are always depressed, right. it's a phase, you'll move on with your life.
what do you mean you feel burnt out at work. what do you mean you mean you never "formed healthy coping mechanisms?" we raised you better than that. you were supposed to just shoulder through things. to hold yourself to high expectations. "burning out" is for people with real jobs and real stress. burnout is for people who have sick kids and people who have high-paying jobs and people who are actually experiencing something difficult. recently you almost cried because you couldn't find your fucking car keys. you just have lost your sense of gratitude, and honestly, we're kind of hurt. we tell you we love you, isn't that enough? if you want us to stick around, you need to be better about proving it. you need to shut up about how your mental health is ruined.
it could be worse! what if you were actually experiencing executive dysfunction. if you were really actually sick, would you even be able to look at things on the internet about it? you just spend too much time on webMD. you just like to freak yourself out and feel like you belong to something. you just like playing the victim. this is always how you have been - you've always been so fucking dramatic. you have no idea how good you have it - you're too fucking sensitive.
you were like, maybe too good of a kid. unwilling to make a real fuss. and the whole time - the little points, the little validations - they went unnoticed. it isn't that you were looking for love, specifically - more like you'd just wanted any one person to actually listen. that was all you'd really need. you just needed to be witnessed. it wasn't that you couldn't withstand the burden, but you did want to know that anyone was watching. these days, you are so accustomed to the idea of comparison - you don't even think you belong in your own communities. someone always fits better than you do. you're always the outlier. they made these places safe, and then you go in, and you are just not... quite the same way that would actually-fit.
you watch the little white ocean of your numbness lap at your ankles. the tide has been coming in for a while, you need to do something about it. what you want to do is take a nap. what you want to do is develop some kind of time machine - it's not like you want your life to stop, not completely, but it would really nice if you could just get everything to freeze, just for a little while, just until you're finished resting. but at least you're not the worst you've been. at least you have anything. you're so fucking lucky. do you have any concept of the amount of global suffering?
a little ant dies at the side of your kitchen sink. you look at its strange chitinous body and think - if you could just somehow convince yourself it is enough, it will finally be enough and you can be happy. no changes will have to be made. you just need to remember what you could lose. what is still precious to you.
you can't stop staring at the ant. you could be an ant instead of a person, that is how lucky you are. it's just - you didn't know the name of the ant, did you. it's just - ants spend their whole life working, and never complain. never pull the car over to weep.
it's just - when it died, it curled up into a tight little ball.
something kind of uncomfortable: you do that when you sleep.
#writeblr#warm up#my dad was actively doing bad shit to us and we STILL were told we were lucky . and to a point i do think im lucky#i just think also there's somethin to be said about like. how about we stop using comparison to dismiss ppls individual struggles#yes there are people who have no perspective. for the reference tho having perspective actually made me really unwilling to get help#for what was a serious and debilitating mental health issue. bc i thought i didnt DESERVE IT#and i would rather have 600 ppl who aren't THAT bad get help and get heard and get seen#than make any 1 kid. do the math that i did: look at the world that is dying and the people who are hurting and say#''oh. okay. others have it worse. they are probably better people than i am. i am being unreasonable. i cannot ask for help#i am not good. i am taking too much space. i am not worth saving.''#bc our WHOLE lives we are taught a scarcity mindset - that you can 'steal' from someone. so that instead of changing a system that doesn't#actually offer fair support to everyone#we put the impetus on the individual to just... demand less.#and here's something - there are probably ppl who think i DIDNT deserve to get help#bc i DID have it better than other people#and something about that is ... so sickening. bc i think all of us in some way at some point WILL need help.#we were supposed to make communities. we were supposed to offer our hands. we were supposed to raise the barn#instead we said: it could be worse. now handle it yourself
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fumifooms · 9 months
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Chilchuck analysis speedrun: As a hardworking half-foot who grew up poor and discriminated against and had his gullibility taken advantage of multiple times in his early adventuring days, Chilchuck thinks optimism is a dangerous flaw. He’s stressed and strict all the time because his job is noticing details like traps that could get everyone killed before anyone knows it, he takes the lives of everyone to be on his shoulders, and with the way he speaks about it that probably partly reflects how he felt about taking it upon himself to provide for his family too. His life’s always been pretty centered around work and has become even moreso now that his wife left and everyone is independent, and due to past events he’s very iffy with bonding with coworkers. He thinks feelings and job are a disaster mix. Like with his wife or with parties hiring him as sacrifice, being open or having good faith is vulnerability which can get you hurt, so he processes and shows all his stress as anger instead of worry. Doing strict dieting probably isn’t helping the irritability what with hunger, and on top of being a hunger suppressant alcohol might be the main stress reliever he has.
His grey hairs are so earned
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#Chilchuck tims#dungeon meshi#analysis#HAPPY CHILCHUCK DAY#You know what yeah understandable have a good day#Alcohol be a ticket straight to chilling out town I suppose#Spoilers#dungeon meshi manga spoilers#Thinking on if I should split my family masterpost into diff posts for max reach hmm#I’m def editing in the second page into that post that “I’ve got three people to think of here” sounds sooo much like that’s#how he’d think about it in a family setting as well. He works so hard for them 🥺#I could have put 100 pics on this post to justify everything I mentioned but this is a speedrun for a reason. I’m planning so many#compilations rn i need a break from rereading lol#He’s just here to do his work!! He just wanna do his work!!!#I’m always rotating him in my brain like rotisserie chicken :( Hopefully this doesn’t sound disjointed or insane to average readers#He’s always on his guard so he has a short fuse and his type of humor & liking for snarky remarks doesn’t help#Also bc he knows nothing lasts he has a very work hard play hard mentality where ‘dying doing something you love. Like drinking’#is nice in his opinion#This post makes it all sound so dry. Chilchuck is so messy thinking about him is thrilling I swear. This is concise but at what cost…#OH ALSO he has weird self-hate issues where he really values his skills but devalues himself on a personal level.#‘I am a coward. I only care about myself. I cheated on my wife (lying for no reason)’ etc etc#Can’t disappoint people and make them leave you if they already have no expectations and esteem of you 😏💡#Laws are important to him bc he knows how bad punishment is if you break them and how they’re the key to getting better rights
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zebratimw · 1 year
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Spirit animal SQH
#svsss#shang qinghua#but mainly I'm just here to vague post LMAO I don't like to vague post its not very effective in terms of venting but#but basically I guess I'm becoming hyperaware of my like... cognitive dissonance codependency and derealization ee#also my general laziness ig and where it overlaps into executive dysfunction or whatever like I may genuinely have some issues but#I am also a lazy son of a bitch jfjfkgkg and i need to figure out how to figure it out so I can work on both in more effective ways hhggg#oh yeah but basically the thing to remember for later is the silence in the call and the immediate unmute and chat activity once I left#I should remember this and stop interacting I think? I should try to give em space I think I'm being too clingy or something#or maybe my own silence is too awkward and dampens the call? I was kinda just spacing out and not doing anything so I get its kinda weird#LMAO so I should just like try not to be in call for those times mm#I just like being in call with my friends jdhfkg but I suppose its not very good either#I overindulge I suppose another friend pointed it out to me before too haha but fjfjjt its just easier than facing bouts of dread by myself#eehh and that's why I gotta do something about my Metnal Ailneses hfjfj but ngl I don't really know how to go about it...#I get embarrassed looking stuff up djfnfkg and half the time I don't even know what to look up I just draw ?s and I give up#I suppose I also have commitment issues too but that ones not new which is an issue of itself aaaaaaaa#man idk idk I just don't really get it I guess djdjfjf and I've got existential dreads and think maybe it doesn't really matter whats wrong#cause there's no point to fixing them because ultimately I'm gonna die alone and a failure anyways? so like ehfjgkg idk#its depressing and I know its like sabotage cause my brain is being a little silly a little goofy and its not a shared sentiment#with the better half of me and the entirety of my friends but yknow its just ee harder sometimes to believe in the optimism ig#and i can talk about it somewhat normally and without like having a ✨️break down#but yknow djfjgkg I'm very emotional a person ya? I think sqh is relatable for gods sake 💀#irrationality sentimentality nihilism and existential dreads... wanting to die because living is too hard despite all my hopes for living...#just the ol regulars yknow?#and another thing... do I talk to my friends about these things? I vent them out here a lot but what do I really want?#I'm not strong enough to keep it to myself clearly but I'm also too proud to share these thoughts? I dump them out in the open and for what?#whenever someone reaches out with concern and care I don't respond in kind and refuse to elaborate?#so like what do I want with this? I guess I want someone to know I'm going insane half the time I'm awake? but not do anything about it?#that's pretty unfair I guess... and stupid I think I do want to share my thoughts with someone but I'm too scared of the ramifications#and that my pride can't stand the fact I might be looked differently by my friends even tho the image they have of me is already quite silly#man.... idk.... I'll come to conclusions myself and do nothing about them so I guess that'll happen again aah idk idk idk
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volivolition · 5 months
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suggestion do you have... any wants? like obviously you do but like? suggestion my guy my ourple boy. both the easiest and hardest to write. you need a skill to say something to move conversation along but it doesn't fit any skill in particular? about 80% of the time you can have suggestion say it and it will make sense. but like actually characterizing him... how do i define you dude... what makes your character tick... urgh. i dont get you yet. im trying to understand but you are difficult.
#chemi chats#there are some skills that i just dont understand yet and that just means i have to work on their character study chapter#im reading his bio and i think suggestion is a good manipulator and it's instinctive and he tries not to feel bad about it?#he's clever!! charming!! friends with savvy and drama. planting seeds in the mind and coaxing them to grow towards him like he's the sun.#a crude oil reservoir lying beneath a carefully laid flower bed. taps into the roots. the plants don't know any better than to drink.#he's great at sensing what makes people tick and uses that to his advantage. he needs goals to look forward to so he knows how to best#pull the strings to get them there. otherwise he's a bit aimless. he likes being useful. and since influencing others is helpful#he just keeps doing it? because it's what he's good at. and he tries to convince himself its fun and cool and just cuz hes charming and#it's his role as a skill and manipulation isnt thaaaat bad because it's helpful to them after all... but he does feel bad sometimes.#oh im listening to his voice lines and i just got to ''brother you should have put me in front of a firing squad'' and im sad about him now#but what do you want for short term little guy?? probably for people to like him. he likes chatting with people. i bet he'd like genuine#conversations with no strings attached but there's always some part of him filing information and tidbits away that he can't turn off#subconsciously figuring out things he can hold over them or how he can nudge them into thinking someth-/wait.../ no. no he's just talking.#he's /supposed/ to just be talking stop analyzing them stop falling back into that just have a normal conversation!! but he can't help it..#hm. this is all really helpful for his chapter. he and empathy are very alike but also different. very interesting...#task: swept up#okay good talk everyone i think i understand him a little better now lmao?? still gotta figure him out some more hes not fully there but ye#also i think he goes by whatever pronoun you think he'd use. just ''oh what do /you/ think i am hm?? what /would/ i use; do you think?? :)'#funny fella. i love you.
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otaku553 · 1 year
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so you know how I've been talking about the Kazuha Demon Slayer crossover for ages now?
Hahahaha
Chapter 1 is out :)
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oh-cramity-its-amity · 2 months
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i love my friends so much. i feel like yesterday i had a lot of shit going on in my head and i woke up to my friend explaining things in a way that put my mind at ease. i dont feel as anxious anymore because i know i was overthinking. i think my dad said it best when he told me that he thought my wonderful brain of mine just wants to think problems are bigger than they actually are. he is right! im just inexperienced in life and half of the time im scared im doing something wrong but- HEY. i need to be more confident in making mistakes. making mistakes doesn't define me as a person!! i need to stop worrying about doing life right and just live for the sake of living and doing what makes me happy!!!!!!!
#thank u blake. u really helped#also nessa!! thank u for that reblog about your perspective on my one post about feeling lost career wise#it helps me to know im not the only one living this life because holy fuck i can feel confused sometimes because.. am i doing this right?#and you know what? theres no correct path that i think there is but im just not good without a direct direction. it makes me a little#anxious about things#i dont know if its because i have some form of a disorder but i function better when i plan stuff out and give myself something to#decompress the problems and thoughts because in my brain theyre just all stuck and clumped together#and that can get a bit scary and overwhelming!!!#im just glad i have people that care about me. it means literally everything to me#so even if i dont 100% reply dont think i dont care because literally any ANY advice or kindness you show to me means the world#we're all just living this little life and we might as well make the best of it#people care..... thats just.... its good... it makes me feel less alone that people do#i love my friends so much#evennnn if we dont talk every day or are only mutuals in passing!!! it literally means a lot if people show me kindness#like holy shit!!! your older than me? and your dealing with a similar experience??? and your telling me that its okay??? and that itll be#okay?????#like#just the reassurance that things will be okay and work out and that im not the only one dealing with a feeling like mine#idk sometimes i just feel like im crazy and like my thoughts make no sense?? you know?? but yall get it#im glad that i have people who are older than me in my life cause yall have experienced stuff that i can use to be better#like your life experiences can help me in a way that can make a difference on my perspective on things#its why i like talking to my coworkers. because theyve seen things and done things i havent and their perspective can teach me potentially#i just dont feel so overwhelmed with life when i talk to people who understand#i feel so young and yet old enough to know but even the people who are older dont know so im sort of on the right track i suppose depending#on how you look at it#so- im just gonna live my life and smile because!!! you gotta.#you gotta surround yourself with people who can enrich you and teach you things for the better and make you want to grow#some of you are like that#you may not know that#but that kindness means so much
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grmpgm · 5 months
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ok executive dysfunction is kind of ruining my life actually
#i have an incredibly time-consuming project i NEED to finish and i genuinely don’t know if i can#i’ve started which is good but i’m horrifically behind where i need to be and i’m just so overwhelmed#i technically have enough time to finish it i think? but it’s my final project so i literally cannot miss this deadline#my professor is really cool + likes me but it’s already been so long w/out me bringing it up#and wtf am i supposed to say? yeah. i WANTED to work on it. i just chose not to????? like wtf#it’s just so humiliating and i’m so behind i don’t know wtf i’m gonna do#it’s worse bc it’s an animation and it’s gg related and i really really wanted this to be good and i wanted things to be different this time#kind of funny bc i’m actually mid getting an adhd diagnosis rn but it’s just so fucking awful because i do this constantly#it fucking sucks so much i feel so helpless and i don’t know wtf is wrong with me. i’m so tired of letting everyone down constantly#it’s so bad rn i literally cannot do anything. it’s humiliating like WHY can’t i just be a functional normal person#it fucking SUCKS because i KNOW if i had any self control or work ethic whatsoever i could be really fucking successful but i don’t.#so i won’t be i guess.#and i KNOW it’s tied into a bunch of different stuff too but like gd i DO NOT care i just want to be functional#worst case scenario i have an A in the class so if i completely blow it i’ll at least pass? hopefully?#i might be able to talk my prof into an extended deadline but it’s so embarrassing bc i didn’t need one in the first place.#i have literally no excuses#it just makes me so upset because i just keep doing this over and over and i don’t know how to stop it or how to get better#and LOL sorry for posting this here i just feel weird talking to anyone personally about this (+ currently avoiding responding to messages!)#it’s just like. man if i can’t get a fucking grip i will literally waste my entire life. Oh Well! LOL
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